View Games that Jonathan and Seth Play
29:02 – Gym class or P.E.? Boston and LA duke it out
40:20 – How many Americans have died in car accidents since the invention of the automobile? 1 million Americans have died in wars since the American Revolution. 2.5 million Americans have died on the road
55:27 – Seth asks Jah if he would rather sleepwalk, sleep drive or sleep eat after taking a crushed-up Ambien. Jah chooses sleep driving just so he can tell the story
37:19 – Seth: “Would you rather have your wife leave you for a 14-year-old boy or another woman.” Jah: “Another woman, because I’d be forced to kill that prick, and that would suck.”
52:15 –Jonathan has to watch one of the following: A) A hogdogging rodeo (how many seconds it takes for the pit bull to drop the hog); B) good old-fashioned Puerto Rico cockfight with long blades; or C) gander pull (hang goose feet first, race by and try to rip head off). Jah chooses a cockfight.
15:13 – Kentucky Derby ’06 (Seth makes up game off the cuff)
54:48 – Jah must guess ringtones after using Seth’s clues
6:00 – Preakness – Seth makes all nine horses up: “I feel bad for the listeners, they can’t see the full ruse I just pulled on him.”
24:19 – Seth: “Who would win, Helen Hunt’s forehead or Reese Witherspoon’s forehead?” Jah: “Reese Witherspoon’s, because it’s more All-American.” Seth: “You’re right, Helen Hunt has a Commy forehead.”
15:57 – Belmont Stakes – Seth tricks Jonathan by pulling a full Kevin Spacey-Kobayashi Coffee Mug-Usual Suspects up in his grill: “Turn around sir. There’s Hot Tracks! There’s Duke of Hazzard! There’s Joe Louis! There’s Gumball! There’s Sun Records! There’s Pitchfork! There’s Sun Records and there’s Magical Musical Thing!”
16:43 – What’s the periodic abbreviation for gold? Answer: Au (“A! U! Bring me back my gold chain!”)
49:58 – Jah has to do impersonations of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Yoda and Shaggy
57:25 – Seth: “What if I chewed Nicorette and Copenhagen and smoked a cigarette while you poured Nicowater down my throat and stuck nicotine patches on the small of my back? What would happen to me?” Jah: “You would have a heart attack.” Seth whistles.
56:21 – What would be worse? Getting fingered by Paul Giamatti or having to fuck Nicole Richey? Jah: “Nicole Richey.”
56:52 – Seth: “Two movies, which would you rather see: Clerks 2 or Lady In The Water?” Jah: “I would see Lady In The Water but I got physically violent after seeing The Village.”
0:36 – Two new foods have been created, which will Jah eat a lot of? A) North Carolina’s Sunny Skies Ice Cream Shop’s new flavor – Cold Sweat – features 3 kinds of hot peppers and 2 kinds of hot sauce; B) Pennsylvania butcher creates a peanut butter hot dog – 25-pound experimental batch sold out instantly … Jah chooses the hot dog, abandoning all of his personal ethics
38:50 – Seth: “Do you like Anne Heche straight or gay?” Jah: “Gay.” Seth: “Do you like Steve Martin straight or gay?” Jah: “Gay.”
5:34 – Jonathan trying to sing Top 10 songs of 1986, as listed by Seth (J-dog can only sing 3)
33:38 – Seth gives Jah 12 make and models and Jah has to tell him which chassies align
31:22: Jah: “Do you think it’s worse to bone down on an able-minded 11-year-old or a mentally handicapped one? Because obviously, from a mere guttural knee-jerk reaction you want to say it’s worse to do it with a mental, but probably the emotional impact of doing it to a mental is less because their capacity is diminished.” Seth: “OK, that’s a bold, psychotic statement you’ve made.”
52:57 – Jah has to create a poem using the words “Asafa Powell.”
2:43 – Real planets/fake planets game
5:40 – PBR 5 real bulls, 5 fake bulls
22:54 – Seth: “Who would you rather kick the shit out of, Howie Mandel or John Stossel?” Jonathan: “No question, John Stossel.”
26:07 – Jonathan: “Would you rather watch however many episodes it would take to make up a feature length film (2 episodes) of Jericho OR watch the Robin Williams/Laura Linney movie coming out (Man of the Year)?” Seth: “You can watch Patch Adams and Mrs. Doubtfire as a double feature or Man of the Year one and a half times.” Jonathan: “Man of the Year.” Seth: “How about a 90-minute lunch at the Ivy with Robin Williams or being locked in a jail cell with all the people from TCAP that have ever been arrested.” Jonathan: “I’d have to go with TCAP.”
56:52 – Seth: “Have you joined the mile high club?” Jonathan: “Does jacking off count?” Seth: “Yes. … No.”
43:25 – Jah has to say “Ku Klux Klansman outfits” three times fast and fails miserably
26:51 – Five real hobos, five Seth hobo names. Jah gets 6 of 10 correct
1:01:46 – Jah has to say “restroom” three times fast and says it wicked slow
17:27 – Top 100 names of 2006 for newborn babies. Jonathan has to name 5 of top 10 boy names but can’t get a single one
22:34 – Jah: “Would you rather get your teeth knocked out and raped or would you rather be fast-tracked to the lethal injection chair where they’re guaranteed to botch it?”
22:34 – Jonathan and Seth play out scene of grandmother putting baby through X-ray machine: Jah has to work in phrases “my bad,” “it’s all good” and “uhh yeah dude” in Spanish:
36:24 – Jonathan doing Bobby McFerrin’s “Blackbird”
17:58 – 5 real full moons/5 fake full moons
35:54 – Jonathan: “Who would you rather get fucked by? Tom Sizemore or Mike Madsen.” Seth: Michael Madsen, because he would read poetry afterward, making it somehow seem justified.”
43:25 – Seth: “Would you rather be fucked by Sizemore or probed by aliens in Sedona?” Jah: “Probed by aliens in Sedona.”
0:29 – Seth: “What’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten in your life? You know what mine was? The Cinnamon Melt I had this morning at 7:15 at the McDonald’s on Western.” Jah had a peanut butter-honey-and-Cookie Crisp sandwich he had one night when he was stoned that he thought was the best. His other was a Paul Prudom hand made filet mignon at K Paul’s in the French quarter – sauce took three days to make
0:58 – Seth: “What’s the capital of North Dakota?” Jah: “I couldn’t name a single city in North Dakota or South Dakota.” Seth’s hint is that it’s the greatest African American rapper of all time (Biz Markie), for Bismarck. Neither can name the capital of South Dakota, which is Pierre
14:31 – Seth: “Would you rather get shot in the balls or the throat.” Jah: “Balls. I’d rather get shot in the balls.”
34:27 – Jah has to say “Rancho Cucamonga” three times fast and succeeds
5:09 – Jonathan teaching Seth text/IM abbreviations
1:47 – Top 5 songs in 1984 vs. top 5 songs today
1:10 – Jonathan and Seth play out Miss Rhode Island answering question about banning anything in the world (cell phones while driving)… Miss Tennessee answering if she could be any man – “Will Smith”
17:27 – Kentucky Derby preview – Jonathan gets 2 of 10 correct
22:45 – Jonathan says he’ll do a Grateful Dead tunes game for Seth next week
12:08 – Jonathan has to distinguish the smell-a-vision scents
14:00 – Ten real Derby horses, 10 fake Derby horses and 10 Dead songs – Jonathan misses two of the Dead song which is a big problem for him
19:32 – Jonathan gives one real and two fake Dead songs to Seth – Seth doesn’t get a single one correct
15:21 – Billboard singles for 1982 vs. 2007
52:39 – Preakness horses – Jonathan goes 0 for 5
7:46 – Hollywood Park horses – 5 real horses, Jah must pick Seth’s winner
48:47 – Three Belmont horses
22:18 – Jah gives Seth two choices, both from the same year, Jah’s 10th grade year: A) Jah’s school paper write-up on his two-week field trip to Mexico (can’t include the fact he was smoking cocaine and watching Mexican porn on a projector in his room); or B) His book report on A Clockwork Orange. Seth chooses Clockwork but says the Mexico trip will be included in Episode 070
49:57 – Jah: “Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Seth: “Don’t even start this with me. No one in the world would disagree with me. (bangs his head) Oww! What was that Seth? I’m blind. I just walked into something. Hey we’ll see you somewhere Seth. Oh no we won’t, you’re blind.” Jah: “Hey what are you doing Seth? I’m listening to Dark Side of the Moon. Oh, I can’t hear it and have my life changed because I’m deaf.” Seth: “Fuck! Let’s just agree to disagree.”
50:34 – Seth: “Would you rather be punched in the throat or kicked in the balls?” Both would rather be kicked in the balls.
52:46 – Seth: “What would you rather listen to: Avril Lavigne or Jack Johnson singing John Lennon’s “Imagine?” Jah goes with Jack Johnson.
58:20 – Seth sets stage for Jonathan’s first-runner-up screaming orgasm
48:26 – Seth and J-dog do the scene where Corey Feldman sits down with some news for Corey Haim
15:56 – Iraqi War Operations vs. Epic Fiction Novels – Jonathan gets one correct
58:51 – Jah can’t think of Tim McGraw’s name, which Seth is withholding from him. Jah says he hates it when Seth won’t let him off the hook with his name.
26:14 – 7 Real/fake jam band names: Jah gets 4 out of 7 correct
3:03 – Seth has Jonathan do his Schwarzenegger voice to say “California Republicans are dying at the box office!” Jah says his impression is not very good
16:59 – Jonathan is sent a transcript of an iChat conversation between Cassie and Crow, ripping on the real name and fake name games
5:34 – Jah has to name the 6 cheeses on the Papa John’s 6-cheese pizza. He only gets 2 of them correct
35:35 – Jah and Seth improvise some verbs for what they would rather do to breast cancer than “lick it,” as Yoplait advertised
4:46 – Since 1999, how many times has Google altered its logo? Jah does some wicked crazy math in his head, then answers “700.” Correct answer is 140.
21:49 – Jah: “Would you rather chew two pieces of Orbit Mint Mojito gum or drink one mojito at the Ivy on Robertson?” Seth: “Is the mojito a virgin mojito?” Jah: “It can be.” Seth: “Will I be guaranteed an A-list celebrity?” Jah: “Yes.” Seth: “I will chew the gum.”
8:05 – Seth and Jah play the pronunciation game with Carribean, Oregon and Potato; then shift to the preference game with pigpile/dogpile, recess/nutrition, bubbler/water fountain and pop/soda.
17:35 – Trivia question. Seth: “How many Pinkberry stores are there in the Los Angeles area?” Jah: “21.” The answer is 29. (Seven in NYC)
37:43 – Who is going to voice KITT in the new Knight Rider TV movie (airing Feb. 17, 2008)? Jah guesses it correctly after some key clues from Seth – Will Arnett
47:17 – Seth hands Jah a note, he has to read it out loud and do what it says. Note reads Could you please sing the following two jingles: “Let’s go Outback tonight,” and “Every kiss begins with Kay.” Jah doesn’t know the Outback tune but he does the Kay Jewelers one to perfection.
1:07:37 – Jah does another “Every kiss begins with Kay” with an audio echo
3:03 – Seth announces that Jah will play the different color M&M game where he has to tell Seth the color after tasting them with eyes closed.
13:17 – After Jah’s pallet is cleansed, he plays the game – and gets all three of his attempts wrong. Claims that when he was a kid he got 87% right out of 20 M&Ms;
57:23 – Jah wants another M&M try, guesses incorrectly
1:04:54 – Jah poses question “How many states have two names?” Both are confident that there are nine: North Carolina, South Carolina, North Dakota, South Dakota, New York, New Mexico, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and West Virginia. However, they forgot New Jersey.
17:20 – Jah impersonates Sean Connery announcing Queen Latifah as Best Supporting Actress
46:38 – Real/fake new Valentine’s Day 2008 messages on Necco heart-shaped candies. Jah nails all six that Seth throws at him. This is the first game that Jonathan has ever aced in UYD history. Seth is flabbergasted
0:15 – Seth: “Do you want to have Teeth rip your prick off with her spiked vag, would you rather have Rambo come up from behind you and cut your throat, would you rather check your e-mail and have Diane Lane cut your face or would you rather dance until you dropped in How She Move?
13:03 – Jah: “What would you rather have done? The faggot test or the soccer ball?” Seth has no answer. Fag test from Episode 61 is re-explained
47:20 – Seth asks Jah what two components new cars are missing since the Model T – a car lighter/ash tray and a metal external radio antenna – instead will be replaced with an extra cupholder and a built-in antenna on the windshield, respectively
7:39 – Hip-hop artists and their real names – Jah gets a couple correct
10:06 – Television hangouts – Jah nails a few. … Seth: “The Regal Beagle?” Jah: “Umm…. Quantum Leap.” (10:28)
50:16 – Seth asks what the Guinness record for the number of people fitting into a Mini Cooper was. Jah guesses 32, then 19, then 21, before finally getting the correct answer: 22
4:49 – Seth hands something to Jah to read, and he has to read it aloud immediately: I’M SOFA KING, WE TODD IT. Jah knows the joke, but Seth fell for it when someone handed it to him and made him read it over and over again until they’re on the floor laughing hysterically
13:22 – Seth gets Jah to sing the Every kiss begins with Kay song he originally did in Episode 095
16:00 – Seth hands Jah another phrase that he has to read out loud the second he gets it: MY DIXIE WRECKED
45:54 – Jah: “Would you rather be shot or stabbed?” Seth: “I’d rather be stabbed, because then I could yell “Oh my god I just got stabbed!!”
58:49 – Seth bets Jonathan $50 that he can dance better than him. Jonathan has seen the moonwalk so he thinks it would be a chump’s bet
51:39 – Jah does some lightning and thunder clack sound effects, followed by raindrops falling into an Ed Begley ceramic jug
52:18 – Jah does sound effects of the movie theater about to start at The Grove when the opening credits are about to roll
15:14 – Jah has to name 5 animals that exist off the top of his head: hyena, canary, polar bear, monkey and zebra
21:51 – Jah: “What would you rather see? New Kids on the Today show or Coachella?” Seth: “Are you kidding me? Joey McIntyre or Amir?”
33:53 – Jonathan has to impersonate Bobby Clampett at the Masters using the word “Chinaman” in his broadcast: Thank you for joining us, we’re back today. We’re on the 9th hole on the putting green. The Chinaman is 2-under par at the moment. It’s been a pretty good day for him so far. You know, I was thinking, What’s it like for a Chinaman to be standing around here with a lot of non-Chinamen.”
57:34 – Seth gives Jah some of the top 10 singles in the U.S. from 1988, and Jah proceeds to sing six of them: Billy Ocean’s “Get Outta My Dreams;” INXS’s “Devil Inside;” Whitney Houston’s “Where Do Broken Hearts Go;” Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror;” Terence Trent D’Arby’s “Wishing Well;” and Aerosmith’s “Angel.” 1988 would’ve been Seth’s frosh year of high school, and Jonathan was 11 at the time (no pubes, not yet driving)
12:26 – Jah: “If there was one bodily function you had to pick that you could get uncontrollable about, what would it be?” Seth: “Umm, crying.”
20:13 – 5 real horses, 5 fake horses in this Sunday’s Kentucky Derby. Jonathan gets 1 of 5 correct
11:04 – Jah sings Seth another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay” in honor of Mother’s Day, then does his Valentine’s Day version, P-Funk version and Cinco de Mayo version
0:58 – Seth gives Jah the answer in Jeopardy!-style fashion: $89.75. Jah: “What is the price to fill up my mom’s gas tank last week?”
25:44 – Preakness horse game: One horse is running the Preakness, one is made up by Seth, one is a strain of medicinal marijuana. Jonathan gets 1 of 7 correct
8:28 – Jah: “What do you think’s cooler, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Wayne’s World?” Seth: “Bill & Ted’s.” Jah: “You’re wrong. Which one is cooler to reference today?” Seth: “Bill & Ted’s.” Jah: “That’s also true.”
13:48 – Belmont Stakes – 5 real horses, 5 fake horses and 5 strains of medicinal marijuana: Jonathan is spot on with naming the first option correct for each question, but only gets one of the triple-choice questions completely correct
19:07 – Seth gives Jah the top 10 singles from 25 years ago, and Jah has to sing a part of each song that he knows: 10) Madness – “Our House;” 9) Styx – “Don’t Let It End;” 8) The Kinks – “Come Dancing;” 7) Culture Club – “Time;” 6) Michael Jackson – “Wanna Be Startin’ Something;” 5) Kajagoogoo – “Too Shy;” 4) Sergio Mendes – “Never Gonna Let You Go;” 3) Irene Cara – “Flashdance – What a Feeling;” 2) Eddy Grant – “Electric Avenue;” 1) The Police – “Every Breath You Take”
47:55 – Seth plays “Fuck, Marry or Kill” with Jonathan, giving him Asimo, The Iron Giant and Wall-E. Jah chooses to marry Asimo, fuck Wall-E and kill Iron Giant
18:10 – Seth gives Jah the top 10 singles from this week in 1988 and Jah has to sing a chorus or line from them. Jah only knows Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine – “1-2-3;” Terrence Trent Darby – “Sign Your Name;” and Def Leppard – “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
13:13 – Seth reads six store names and Jah has to say if he’s ever been in one – Forever 21 (yes), TJ Maxx (yes), BJ’s Wholesale (no), Officemax (yes), Boston Market (yes), Sports Authority (yes), Barnes & Noble (yes) – since there were 6,000 credit card numbers recently stolen from these businesses
51:35 – Princeton Review releases top 10 colleges for pot use, and Jah has to guess them. He gets UC-Santa Cruz at #6, and Colorado at #3. Rounding out the top 10: Vermont (#4), Warren Wilson College (#2), Bard College (#1), New College of Florida in Sarasota (#5), Hamshire College (#8), Eugene Lang College (#9), Sarah Lawrence College (#10)
30:40 – Seth asks Jah to name the only 2 movies when two heavyweight actors like De Niro and Pacino in Righteous Kill were put on screen together. Jah guesses Tango & Cash (third), Marlboro Man was #2 and the Hallmark movie starring Seth and John Larroquette (McBride: Anybody Here Murder Marty?). Jah reveals that he and Amir did the sweet soundtrack for that movie
42:18 – Jah asks Seth what he would do if he had a vagina for a 24-hour period of time. Seth: “I would cover it up and I wouldn’t let a fuckin’ soul see it. I’d put that think on lockdown. No one’s getting a look at this beautiful flower. Back off, jack off.” Jah claims he would play with it a lot
24:21 – Seth asks Jah to name three people who could never go wrong in his book. Jah says Daft Punk, Johnny Depp, Guttenberg and possibly Jeff Goldblum and Justice
39:39 – Seth: “What if I told you I liked Ben Stiller and Jay Mohr – what would you say?” Jah: “I’d say that it is 1993. I’m saying you’re watching Flirting With Disaster.”
31:29 – Seth revisits the Blind vs. Deaf debate with Jonathan. Jah still says he would rather be blind, while Seth finds that to be ridiculous. Jah thinks he wouldn’t remember how to talk because he couldn’t hear himself, but Seth thinks he could because he could hear for 31 years. Seth: “I wouldn’t just immediately start running into shit if you gouged my eyes out, I would calmly sit down and assess the situation. I wouldn’t start running headfirst into shit like I don’t know my living room! I don’t know my living room! Yes you do, dude. Take a breath and sit down. But I’m fucking blind I can’t see! We know that. You don’t have to run into shit.
19:20 – Seth asks Jah if he knows both his license plate number and driver’s license number – Jah does, but Seth says most people do not.
7:59 – Seth learned a new trick this week and asks Jah if he’s ever heard of it – The Land O Lakes Butter Maiden Trick. You take an exacto knife, cut out the panel that shows her with her arms outstretched, then cut the bottom where her knees are to make it where it bends up and her knees become her breasts, and they’re awesome
22:46 – Jonathan sings another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” per Seth’s request
39:19 – Jonathan hums the Jeopardy! theme because Seth requests it. Seth then quizzes Jah on the Final Jeopardy! question: It’s the year 1888. He’s the first black man to earn a vote for president at a major party convention. Jah nails the answer: “Is it Frederick Douglass?”
35:05 – Jah questions how old he has to be to start taking Viagra. Seth guesses 50 but Jah says 6 months. Seth then asks if Jah has a fully-formed penis, to which Jah says yes. Jah then says that babies are given Viagra because they have pulmonary arterial hypertension, a rare disorder in young kids that causes very high blood pressure and starves kids’ lungs of oxygen in their blood. The Viagra helps blood pump more freely to the lungs … “and the balls.”
40:32 – Jah: “When’s the last time you ate at a McDonald’s?” Seth: “The last time I got a cinnamon roll, whenever that was.” Seth says he was at a Burger King more recently than the McDonald’s because he got a Hershey’s Sundae Pie
10:40 – Seth really wants Jah to give him another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” so to coax him into it he lets him do a Rastafarian airhorn sound first
Episode 144S
0:28 –Jonathan and Seth play a trivia game where Jah has to identify actual names of cities in the U.S., actual horses in Hollywood Park and actual strains of medical marijuana sold in Hollywood: 1) Secret Limit – horse, Blue Light Special – weed, Jot Em Down – city (TX); 2) Rabbit Hash – city (KY), Bonita Birdie - horse, Power Plant - weed; 3) Bad Axe – city (MI), Tae Bo - weed, Firefly - horse; 4) Last Chance – city (CO), Lakota Gold - horse, Noble Blue – weed; 5) Savannah Peach - horse, Pot of Gold - weed, Turkey Scratch – city (AR); 6) Cajun Gent - horse, Hog’s Breath - weed, Satan’s Kingdom – city (VT); 7) Kielbasa - horse, Weed – city (CA), Garlic - weed; 8) Lamb’s Bread – weed, Comfort Food - horse, Hot Coffee – city (MS); 9) Rockin’ The City - horse, Knock ‘Em Stiff – city (OH), On the Loose - weed; 10) Two Egg – city (FL), Lemon Drop - weed, Chili Wack - horse; 11) Sleepy Eye – city (MN), Sunset Tijuana - horse, Paradise Flame - weed; and 12) Dixie Hawk - horse, Spread Eagle – city (WI), Blue Bird - weed. Jonathan gets 4 of 12 questions correct, including botching the final five questions
23:30 – Seth asks Jah that if he were given the choice to A) Eat one Whopper a day for seven days or B) Douse himself in BK Flame every day for 30 days, what he would choose. Jah says he could not make the decision without smelling Flame first
15:28 – Seth asks Jonathan how many times he’s gotten a boner today. Jonathan says four times definitely
23:01 – Jah can’t think of the name of the movie with Martin Lawrence and Tim Robbins, and it drives Seth crazy trying to think of it (Nothing To Lose)
40:36 – Seth says if you take a calendar month and you have been to a strip club three times in that entire month, that is your spot, then asks Jah, “How many times have you been to Plan B in January?” Jah can’t think of the exact number, then says “maybe around 8 or 9 times.” Seth says that’s “Persian style.” Jah says they all know him by name there. His drink there is Maker’s Mark and Ginger Ale
11:25 – Jah asks Seth how many lives he could simultaneously maintain if he chose to. Seth says 3, and Jah agrees that is a good number. Of those lives, in only 1 of Seth’s would he be a professional podcaster and keep the name “Seth”
42:06 – Seth: “What’s the capital of North Dakota?” (Episode 048), 0:58. He reveals that it is Bismarck. Jah: “What about South Dakota?” (Seth doesn’t know)
Episode 151S
0:26 – Jah has to pick the winners from CNBC’s “As Seen On TV” infomercial competition
52:52 – Assuming Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie break up, Seth wants to know who Pitt would have to date that would be as crazy as when he heard that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were dating. Jah: “Raven Simone.” Seth thinks it would be America Ferrara or Kristen Bell.
2:28 – Seth: “What is your sleep number?” Jah: “I am a 7.”
13:15 – Seth asks Jah that if had to choose either Miller Chill Lite Beer with Lime or Bud Light Lime for the rest of his life, Jah would choose Miller Chill – his desert island brew.
6:24 – Seth wonders if you put Omar Epps and Mekhi Pfifer in a jail cell, which one would come out alive?
27:14 – Jonathan and Seth are in full debate about who should win Best Actress in the Screen Actors Guild awards. Seth says Judy Densch for Mrs. Henderson Presents and Jah says Felicity Huffman for Transamerica. Jah is such a Huff fan – not just for the actress but for the show starring Oliver Platt.
28:57 – Jah wonders how to spell rudebaga and takes a stab at it – R-U-D-I-B-A-G-A
2:40 – When it’s all said and done, Seth asks Jah who is better – Grateful Dead or Phish? Jah easily answers “The Dead.”
59:08 – Jah was asked one of those gun-to-your-head questions, pick one or the other questions the other day: Would you rather eat your mom or shoot your baby in the head? Seth would rather shoot and eat the person who asked that question … but he then said he would shoot his baby because he loves his mom. But he is sorry he forgot Marcia’s birthday. They then revisit the scenario between getting kicked in the throat or punched in the balls (Episode 069, 50:34). Jah still says he’d rather be punched in the balls because in a worst-case scenario he would rupture a testicle, in which case he’d still have the other.
1:17 – Being that next Sunday is Mother’s Day, Seth has Jah do an “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
13:20 – Kentucky Derby was run on Saturday, so Seth gives Jah 3 names – one is a horse, one is a strain of medical marijuana sold in West Hollywood and one created in his mind’s eye: 1) Westside Bernie (Horse), Buried Treasure (Fake), Sunny Side Up (Marijuana); 2) Smoke on the Water (M), Burnt Toast (F), Atomic Rain (H); 3) Lemonade (F), Hubba Bubba (M), Chocolate Candy (H); 4) Let’s Hear it for the Boy (F), Polite With a Punch (M), Mister Hot Stuff (H). Jah gets none of them completely correct, but gets a round of applause nonetheless.
51:11 – Seth asks Jah what the acronym NIMBY stands for. Jah says “Not In My Butt, Yo.” The correct answer is “Not In My Back Yard.”
Episode 166S
0:07 – This supplement is dedicated to the real/fake horse game for the upcoming Preakness (one horse, one fake, one a medicinal marijuana strain): 1) High Tide (Fake), Pennies From Heaven (Marijuana), Take The Points (Horse); 2) Rachel Alexandra (H), Air Force One (M), Joni Mitchell (F); 3) Papa Clem (H), Canterry Row (F), White Rhino (M); 4) Ukulele (F), Beehive (M), Terrain (H); 5) Cliff’s Surprise (F), Freesian Fire (H), Watermelon Tormaline (M). The only thing Jonathan gets right is the fifth weed strain; otherwise Seth pitches a perfect game.
29:17 – More trivia featuring horses, strains of medical marijuana and fake horses from Seth’s mind’s eye: 1) Tasmanian Devil (Marijuana), Dolphin’s Fin (Fake), Summer Bird (Horse); 2) Aruel (Marijuana), Muldoon (Fake – Seth’s mother’s dog), Dunkirk (Horse); 3) Sacrificial Lamb (Fake), Louis XIII (Marijuana), Flying Private (Horse). Jah does so-so in the game, getting one of the three options right in each set. Jah was a little self-conscious about this particular game because someone sent him answers on his phone this week. Jah saw what it was and he rejected the idea because he wanted to keep the competition friendly instead of pranking Seth by having the best game ever after having the worst one ever.
7:12 – Jah brings up the “Great UYD Debate” about being blind or deaf (Episode 136, 49:39; Episode 135, 31:29; Episode 069, 49:57; Episode 009, 54:25; Episode 005, 49:29), and Jah thinks he’s maybe come over to Seth’s side of the argument – he’d rather be deaf than blind.
22:57 – Seth wants to know who will live longer, him or Jonathan? Jah doesn’t like him bringing this up because it would be a God-awful, terrible thing for either one to lose the other. But Jah thinks Seth is definitely dying before him.
1:06:18 – Seth asks how old the currently accepted age of the universe is, and Jah guesses 3.6 trillion. Seth reveals it’s 13.7 billion years old.
44:05 – Have more people been killed by wood chippers or pet pythons in the last 20 years? Jah answers correctly – wood chippers. Jah would rather be killed by a python.
52:56 – Jah asks Seth what is the most amount of money he’s ever seen in person? Seth simply says he has seen “some brown paper bag shit,” then admits to seeing $21,000. Jah has seen a couple-hundred Gs, about $150,000. No cocaine or ecstacy were in said room.
4:54 – Seth asks Jah a math problem: “What’s 41 minus 14?” It takes Jah a long time to answer correctly with 27.
17:26 – Seth dips into the vault and does the Top 10 singles today in 1994: 10) Ace of Base – “Don’t Turn Around”; 9) Warren G – “This DJ”; 8) All 4 One – “I Swear”; 7) Elton John – “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?”; 6) Coolio – “Fantastic Voyage”; 5) Changing Faces – “Stroke You Up”; 4) Babyface – “When Can I See You?”; 3) John Mellencamp and MeShell Ndegeocello – “Wild Night”; 2) Lisa Loeb – “Stay”; 1) Boyz II Men – “I’ll Make Love To You”
29:18 – Seth goes through some of the best NFL names (Episode 031, 46:19 and 54:53), and just starts with defensive backs because Seth used to be quite the DB in the late 1970s. First he goes with the Nigerians: Chinedum Ndukwe of the Cincinnati Bengals; Nnamdi Asomugha of the Oakland Raiders; and Oshiomogho Atogwe of the St. Louis Rams. Then the Muslims: Aqweeb Taleeb of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Hamza Abdullah of the Cleveland Browns. Then the dope black dudes: Champ Bailey of the Denver Broncos; Tra Battle of the Cleveland Browns; Yeremiah Bell of the Miami Dolphins; Atari Bigby of the Green Bay Packers; Dré Bly of the San Francisco 49ers; Jabari Greer of the New Orleans Saints; Joselio Hanson of the Philadelphia Eagles; Lawyer Milloy of the Seattle Seahawks; Lardarius Webb and Samari Rolle of the Baltimore Ravens; Trumaine McBride of the Chicago Bears; Dominique Rogers-Cromartie of the Arizona Cardinals; and Sabby Piscitelli of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Jah thinks Seth chose the last one because it’s Roma’s cousin.
2:37 – Jonathan asks Seth if he personally thinks that doctors should wear white coats. Seth doesn’t think they should wear them.
22:32 – Seth wants to know if there are ghosts. Jah says yes, no question about it.
25:30 – One is a weed sold in West Hollywood, one is a horse running in the Belmont in New York this weekend and one is from Seth’s mind’s eye: 1) Orange Moon (weed); Grape Nuts (fake), Lemon Punch (horse); 2) Papa Jerry (horse), Long Tall Sally (fake), King Louis (weed); 3) Galaxy (fake), Mind Bender (horse), Early Girl (weed); 4) Low Tide (fake), Token Special (horse), Morning Glory (weed). Jah only gets #4 correct, because he has smoked Morning Glory.
32:22 – Seth quizzes Jonathan on what album Rolling Stone named as the #1 Album of the Decade. Jah guesses Radiohead’s OK Computer, then the correct answer – Radiohead’s Kid A, which Jah agrees with.
19:45 – Seth: “Do you pronounce in NA’vi or na’VI?” Jah: “na’VI.”
45:35 – Jah asks Seth what the number would be that would make him consider not marrying a woman based on the number of lifetime sexual partners she had had. Jah says he can think of a number, but Seth refuses to cough one up. He does admit that 100 is an enormous number. Jah says he definitely knows bitches who have fucked 50 dudes. Jah then asks if Seth can’t give him a max-out number, can he give him an ideal number? Seth cannot.
30:03 – Seth has J-Dawg sing the top 10 songs this week 25 years ago (Jan. 21, 1985): 10) Prince & The Revolution – “I Would Die 4 You”; 9) Billy Ocean – “Loverboy”; 8) Don Henley – “Boys of Summer”; 7) Jack Wagner – “All I Need”; 6) Wham – “Careless Whisper”; 5) Philip Bailey w/ Phil Collins – “Easy Lover”; 4) Chicago – “You’re The Inspiration”; 3) Foreigner – “I Wanna Know What Love Is”; 1) Madonna – “Like A Virgin”
18:22 – Jah asks Seth what the last fast food item he had was. Seth guesses it was a Hershey’s Sundae Pie at Burger King in a full shame spiral six months ago. Jah admits he had an Oreo Cookie Shake from Jack in the Box this past week. Seth recants, and admits he had a sip from an Oreo Shake from Fatburger.
38:57 – Questions on Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Quiz: Name one country that borders Iraq? Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, Turkey or Iran? All of the countries border Iraq.
17:54 – Seth wants to know if Jah says to-MAY-to or to-MAH-to.
41:34 – Seth begins to ask people who are driving to see how long they can close their eyes before opening them, then immediately retracts it. Jah says it’s the “Best Game” over and over with his hands cupped around the microphone.
34:48 – Seth ponders, If you put Nicolas Cage and Jim Carrey in a jail cell, who would come out alive? Jah picks Carrey, Seth picks Cage.
35:30 – Seth ponders, If you put Jim Caviezel in a jail cell do-or-die with Joel McHale, who would come out alive? Both pick Caviezel.
17:02 – Seth asks Jah to give him a color and a side. Jah chooses purple and left. According to the Hanky Code in the Pride issue of Frontier’s Magazine, Jah is a piercer. Jah says this is applicable because he used to work at a piercing shop. Jah then mixes it up and chooses black and right, and he ends up being an S&M Bottom. Seth agrees that this is J-Dawg’s game: “Don’t trip, it’s on the Hanky Code.” If he would’ve chosen mustard and right, it means he wants an 8-inch dick; the other side means he has an 8-inch dick. Teal blue and right means you want genital torture, on the left you are a genital torturer. Orange on the right means nothing right now; orange on the left means anything, anytime. Cream on the right means sleeze bottom; left means sleeze top.
23:26 – Jah ponders, would Dren beat Neytiri in a fight? Seth says it would have to be in a neutral location, in Tatooine, in a battle to fuck J-dawg. Seth wants J-dawg to be the father in this new master race.
27:37 – Seth polls Jah on his favorite Christian rock act – Casting Crowns, NeedToBreathe or Sidewalk Prophets? Jah chooses NeedToBreathe. Seth chooses Sidewalk Prophets because they’re a Christian Counting Crows.
2:12 – Seth revisits the Hanky Code from last week (Episode 221, 17:02). He has Jah give him another color and direction. Jah gives him a light blue and a right direction. Seth reveals that this means Jah gives oral sex.
1:06:59 – Jah gives Seth one more color and direction for the Hanky Code – a magenta and left. This means he wants his armpits worshiped.
21:21 – Seth asks Jah to name 3 celebrities they could meet this weekend in a semi-illegal fashion and buy fireworks from. Jah goes with Woody Harrelson, Johnathon Schaech and asks Seth to go with the third one – Cher.
41:45 – Jonathan has some pertinent questions – 1) How many people successfully escape from prison every year, and 2) How many tampons does a girl go through on an average menstrual cycle? Seth answers 1) 2,222 and 2) 222, then changes it to 2) at least a couple a day.
1:01:29 – Jonathan has another pertinent question – “Can you be in love with someone in a non-sexual way, but not truly? Not a member of the opposite sex. Have you ever been in love with a man, just not in the sexy way.” Seth’s reply: “Do you have something to say?”
21:42 – Jah asks, “Would you rather go to Burning Man or the Gathering of the Juggalos?” Seth chooses the Gathering, no question. Jah would rather go to Burning Man (Episode 012, 53:20; Episode 081, 19:58; Episode 181, 22:30). Seth asks if ICP’s promoters called and asked for UYD to do a live show there, would he do it? Jah says maybe under the right circumstances.
52:07 – Seth asks if Joe Regalbuto and Joe Pantoliano went into a jail cell, who would come out alive? Jah chooses Joe Regalbuto.
4:22 – Seth and Jah revisit the Hanky Code game (Episode 221, 17:02; Episode 222, 2:12). Seth asks Jah for a color and a left or right side. Jah picks Kelly green and left pocket. This means that Jah is a hustler. If Jah would’ve went with right pocket olive drab he would’ve been a uniform bottom.
12:35 – Seth asks if Jah referenced light pink or dark pink. Jah says light pink, then chooses left pocket. He is a dildo giver. Every single time. “It’s like The Secret.” (Episode 052, 0:17).