View Jonathan Lee Riches
34:22 – Jonathan Lee Riches is first introduced to us. Riches, 30, is serving time for identity theft and fraud in a South Carolina prison. He just filed a lawsuit this week against Jeff Gordon for “recklessly driving my life crazy.” He also accused Gordon of having a secret trapdoor in his racecar that he dropped Tic-tacs out onto the race track to screw up other drivers. … He filed a lawsuit this summer in July against Michael Vick. He claims Vick stole his pitbulls and fought them for profit to buy arms for the Iranian government after Vick pledged his allegiance to al-Qaeda. He was paid $63 million in gold and silver. In August he sued Barry Bonds for $42 million in Swiss francs claiming he used his baseball bat to crack the Liberty Bill. … In March of 2006 he filed a civil rights lawsuit against George W. Bush, Dane Cook, Dennis Hopper, the Holocaust, Pizza Hut and Pluto, along with 777 other defendants, claiming that they all violated his civil rights. Mike Vick, etc. Riches will get out of prison in March of 2012. … Jonathan has a feeling that Riches is wicked smart but crazy, since you have to be kind of crafty to commit identity theft.
18:04 – Jonathan Lee Riches is at it again. He’s filed a new lawsuit this week, 3 pages long, handwritten in mostly chicken scratches, that claims 1) Steve Jobs employed O.J. Simpson as a hitman for the last 22 years, starting with the 1985 Philadelphia house bombing where O.J. got all the pyrotechnics from the band Great White. Steve Jobs also shot nuclear weapons at Lance Armstrong while he was riding his bike.
5:58 – Inmate Jonathan Lee Riches files a few new lawsuits – suing Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz and Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick for $5 million claiming that they want to burn him with hot coffee; suing Angelina, Brad, Maddox, Zahara and Pax Pitt for kidnapping Madeline McCann in a plot to kidnap and adopt a child from 192 different countries – found out through pen pal Billy Bob Thornton; suing Sean “Puffy” Combs for assaulting him at a New York nightclub 5 years ago and stealing all his credit cards
40:26 – Inmate Jonathan Lee Riches files another lawsuit, this time against the makers of Grand Theft Auto. He claims that the game makes the other inmates more violent and feels imminent danger from them that they will steal his gold Jesus cross
52:30 – Jonathan Lee Riches, Inmate #40948-018 in a prison in South Carolina, files yet another lawsuit: the makers of the game World of Warcraft, under his name and alias Gordon Gecko – it has caused Riches’ mind to live in a virtual landscape, where he committed identity theft and lost touch with reality. His mind basically became a video game. … Seth thinks that he and Jah need to sue JLR, along with everyone else who he has sued
33:42 – Friend of the show Jonathan Lee Riches (Episode 083, 34:22), who is currently serving a term in the federal penitentiary in Lexington, Ky., has filed his latest lawsuit – he is filing suit against The Guinness Book of World Records, seeking an injunction to stop them from naming him as the person who has filed the most lawsuits of all time. Just prior to this lawsuit, JLR also sued Black History Month and the butter substitute I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. He claims that the Guinness Book of World Records has “no right to publish my legal masterpieces.”
35:37 – A few months ago, Seth looked up Jonathan Lee Riches’ penitentiary, got the address, got his inmate number and sent him a letter taunting him, calling him out for not suing Uhh Yeah Dude yet. He even gave him all the info he needed to listen to the show.
37:44 – JLR has filed some very important legal papers this week. “I seek 8 Gosselins and 8 Sulemins. They are my children.” Riches claims he met Kate Gosselin at a Pennsylvania Long John Silver’s, where they dined on octopus, before he accompanied her to a fertility clinic where she used stolen Capital One credit cards to inseminate herself and JLR’s sperm was added to the mix. He has filed a preliminary injunction and temporary restraining order “forbidding my children from being exposed on television, where it puts me and my little rascals in imminent danger.” He also sued ABC’s All My Children, “which are my kids too.” He says he can provide a better environment for all of the kids with three square meals a day, 24-hour armed security, health care and a library. His bodyguard, Kevin Cosner, understands the whole history. He signed it, “Inmate #40948018, Jonathan Lee Riches.”