9:50 – National Academy of Sciences Institute of Medicine conducted a study that finds that due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting, over 7,000 people are killed every year and 1.5 million are injured due to unclear abbreviations in dosage indications on prescription pads
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
33:09 – University of Texas study reports that college students drink larger amounts of alcohol on football gamedays
25:01 – UCLA has just finished a study and concluded that teenage drivers are often distracted while driving a car filled with teens
5:52 – Cornell University study concludes that more college students take courses that are considered to be easier or will be easier to get a very good grade in
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
6:48 – Johns Hopkins University researchers claim that rise in personal listening devices will cause 1 in 3 adults to suffer in recognizable degree in hearing loss. Could have a future generation of deaf people. Jah remembers everyone saying that about Walkmans when we were kids, and thinks that the physics of in-ear headphones allow people to listen to lower volumes, so this isn’t necessarily going to pan out
37:22 – Harvard researchers claim that eating even a half-serving a day of soy-based foods could significantly lower a man’s sperm count. Jah says he can attest to the change in male ejaculate when one has turned vegan. He claims it gets much thinner and also doesn’t taste as bleachy. Seth wants to know how he attests to the second. Jah: “None of your biz dude.” Seth: “None of your jizz.”
56:25 – Researchers have studied the data, ratings and top lists of the hotornot.com website. They found that all men, no matter where they are rated in the scheme, believe they have a chance with the most highly rated attractive women on the site
5:49 – New study finds that the average automobile contains almost 400 kinds of different bacteria. Turning on the car’s heat will incubate and send potent fungi and germs around the automobile
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
15:39 – A study will be presented next week at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting, that when performing CPR, the perfect rhythm is 100 compressions per minute – or the 1970s hit “Stayin’ Alive” by the Beegees, which is 103 bpm
23:55 – A study in the Journal of Fish Biology has scientists confirming the second case of a virgin birth in a shark. DNA testing showed there was no genetic material from a male nor any male sharks at the aquarium
27:50 – Researchers at Rutgers University did a study on freshmen college girls. The “Freshman 15” is a myth – it’s actually the “Freshman 7”
23:23 – A study published in the Journal of Science said that people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. People holding a cup of iced coffee had the complete opposite effect.
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them through their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
40:52 – Scientists have concluded that due to the overwhelming presence of chemicals in our environment, the male gender is in danger. Research has shown that chemicals have feminized males in every class of vertebrate animals from fish to people – baby boys born to women exposed to common household chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminized genitals. More than 1,000 new gender-bender chemicals have been introduced to the world in recent years
41:28 – A new study says that romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about relationships and ultimately make it harder to find a mate and leave people less satisfied with their love life
16:59 – The January issue of Pediatrics will contain an article from the Johns Hopkins School of Health that says teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as teens who don’t promise abstinence. They are also more likely to engage in riskier sex (anal) and less likely to use birth control
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
50:01 – Researchers at Wake Forest University have authored a report in Chest – the Journal of American College of Chest Physicians. The report says that parents of children under age 2 should not use Vicks Vapor Rub on their sniffling, coughing, sick children. Use of the product on kids that young was found to increase mucus production and inflammation. Studies found no health benefits for people of any age
17:11 – A new study by psychologists at the University of Michigan says that living in urban environments impairs our basic mental processes. The brain is a limited machine and the overwhelming incessant stimuli of the city exhausts the brain and puts a strain on memory, concentration and calmness
1:49 – A new research study shows that women have more nightmares than men and men dream about sex more than women
21:52 – According to research by a team at University of Pittsburgh and Harvard medical schools, the more time teenagers spend in front of the television, the more likely they will be depressed as adults
23:54 – The February issue of Archives of Pediatrics in Adolescent Medicine say teens who go out with friends are more likely to use marijuana than teens who have fewer friends
56:43 – The Center for Disease Control has issued a study on teen smokers – 52% prefer Marlboros, while 21% prefer Newports. However, 75% of black teens prefer Newports and 13% prefer Camels.
31:36 – According to the Pugh Research Center, a cross-section of Americans were polled, asking them if they would rather live in a neighborhood with more McDonald’s or more Starbucks. 43% said more McDonald’s, 35% said more Starbucks and 22% didn’t have a preference.
7:15 – A new study says that people who drink more than 7 cups of coffee a day are more likely to see ghosts. Jah thinks he might drink the equivalency of that each day, and he’s maybe seen a few ghosts.
29:26 – According to market research group Experion, 43% of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss. 38% are using hair styling products. 12% use adult cosmetics.
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
19:23 – Four new studies in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggest that watching TV can drive away feelings of loneliness and rejection. Just thinking about a favorite TV program bufferered subjects against drops in self esteem. A viewer’s fictional bond with the TV characters can help ease the need to connect with real people. When Seth watches COPS he gets that way. Jah thinks he maybe felt that way about The Wonder Years.
27:44 – A study presented at the annual meeting of experimental biology last week in New Orleans done by researchers at Baylor College of Medicine took 108 students ages 13-16. They gave half the students sugar-free gum to chew, and the other half no gum. The students who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math scores. They also seemed to require fewer breaks, could sustain attention longer and remained quieter. The study was sponsored and paid for by the Wrigley Science Institute.
49:02 – A telephone survey conducted by the Opinion Research Group had a breakdown of responses to the question, “If your house were burning down, and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?” 50% said photo album, 20% said money, 13% said laptops, 7% said pets, 2% said jewelry. Jah thinks the answers are bogus and wants the Wrigley Science Institute to redo the survey.
40:42 – The National Institute of Health have given $400,000 in taxpayer money in the form of a grant to the New York Psychiatric Institute, who are to conduct a 2-year study in which researchers will pose as homosexuals and cruise six popular gay bars in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. They hope their findings will be applicable to the United States.
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thia Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
4:39 – Hot new research straight out of Harvard shows that drunk teens have more sex than sober teens.
36:24 – According to new social research that has come out, the overall size of your social network stays about the same, but when it comes to close friends you lose about half and replace them with new friends every seven years. The title of this study was “Where Friends Are Made: Context, Contacts and Consequences.”
23:10 – A recent MTV/Associated Press survey says that 42% of college students feel down, depressed or hopeless.
29:39 – At the SUNY Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., researchers have figured out how to delete rodent memories. SUNY researchers initially teach the rats to negotiate a chamber that shocks their feet if they choose the right path. Then, after the rats have learned the right path to take, their brains are injected with a drug called Zip. The chemical neutralizes the PKMZeta, a molecule that plays a crucial but not wholly understood role in memory retention. Once injected, the rats quickly forget their hard-earned knowledge regarding safe routes through the chamber. Every step they take offers a potential shock.
42:30 – Zagat polled 6,100 people in a new survey of their favorite, best fast food. Best Burger went to In-N-Out (only has stores in California, Nevada, Utah and Arizona). Best Fries went to McDonald’s. Best Coffee went to 1) Starbucks, 2) Dunkin’ Donuts, 3) Peet’s and 4) McDonald’s. Best Pasta went to The Olive Garden. Best Steak went to Outback Steakhouse.
1:08 – The annual survey of frequent flyers by SeatGuru.com found that U.S. airlines American, United and U.S. Airways have served the worst in-flight food, had the most uncomfortable seats and the rudest flight attendants.
4:14 – The National Institute of Health will spend $423,000 investigating why young heterosexual men don’t like to use condoms. It will be a two-year, two-phase study involving a Q&A and labwork. It will be led by researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute.
2:14 – A study was done in 1995 where women who were not on the pill were asked to sniff men’s shirts. The women preferred the scent of a man who had different genes than their own. This relates to the HLA (Human Leukocyte Antigens) – on a biological level, couples with different HLAs stand to inherit a greater variety of potential immune responses and will therefore be more resistant to diseases, so their kids get the benefits of that.
10:35 – According to a study in the latest issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, there is much more consensus among men about who and whom they find attractive then there is among women. More than 4,000 subjects ranged from 18 to 70 years old rates photographs of 18- to 25-year-old men and women, and in rating them, men had a much narrower vision of attractiveness than the women did.
13:30 – According to new findings from the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission (NPREC), American prisoners report that more rapes are committed by guards than by other prisoners.
39:51 – According to a survey by the non-profit advocacy group Common Sense Media, about 40% of high school students surveyed said they’ve used cell phones to cheat in school at least once. Also, around 38% said they’ve copied text directly from the web and turned it in as their own work. Other forms of cheating that today’s high school students are using include storing notes on your cell phone, using camera phones to take pictures of tests and sending them to other classmates’ friends, etc. … Seth researched some other ones, including writing on a stretched-out rubber band, writing on the nutritional label of a 20-ounce Pepsi and girls folding answers within pleated skirts … Roughly 25% of students said this was not cheating at all; it was completely ethical.
3:46 – According to a new study, women will spend almost one year of their lives deciding what to wear. Between choosing outfits for work, nights out, dates, holidays, parties, the gym, errands, etc., the average woman will spend close to 365 days of their adult life (16-60) engaged in this act.
3:18 – A team of global health researchers at the UC-San Diego School of Medicine found that male clients of female sex workers in Tijuana had a higher percentage of unprotected sex and a higher percentage of meth use than other men in their 20s and 30s
50:56 – According to a study done by researchers at the University of Minnesota and published in the Journal of Psychological Science, although we are told to count our blessings, it might be more useful to count your money. Researchers asked a group of participants to count out 80 $100 bills, while another group counted out 80 useless pieces of paper. The group that counted the actual money had lower social distressed when they were excluded from a group computer game. They felt less pain when holding their fingers in hot water and also rated themselves as feeling “strong. Much stronger than the paper-counting group.”
12:42 – Research that has been published in the July issue of the Journal of Developmental Psychology suggests that babies can understands dogs. When shown a picture of two different dogs, one with an aggressive stance and one with a friendly stance, the babies showed no real interest in either. Then a two-second sound clip of the dogs barking accompanied the two photos (one friendly and one aggressive). The six-month babies would look in the direction of the correct photo when they heard the corresponding audio clip of the bark.
32:22 - The National Institute of Health has given $3 million to the University of Illinois-Chicago Nursing School to do a five-year study investigating why American lesbians drink alcohol.
13:49 – According to U.S. Pharmacology and Health Care Consultancy Group, 50% of American doctors admit to using Wikipedia to get medical information.
34:46 – Evolutionary psychologists have come to the conclusion that women are getting more attractive while men at best are staying the same because there’s less pressure on men concerning their looks. Regardless of the attractiveness of men, they have the same amount of children. In contrast, these new, more beautiful women, have more children than their plainer counterparts. Also, there’s a higher proportion of their children being female. In turn, those girls grow up even more attractive and repeat the cycle. … Jah agrees with all of this, and says that American men are worse than any other country.
1:03:56 – A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine says that red wine will increase a woman’s sexual desire.
30:36 – Two researchers have released a study in the Archives of General Psychiatry concerning the number of Americans taking antidepressants. In 1995, there were 13 million people on them. In 2005, the number has increased to 27 million. It is a $10 billion-per-year industry.
43:57 – The American Psychological Association has released a 138-page report that says programs that attempt to change gays to straight absolutely have not worked. Exodus International, which has over 250 ministries that they say reach out to men and women affected by “unwanted same-sex attraction” claims they have thousands of converts that claim otherwise. Jah thinks they teach you to lie better at those clinics.
58:39 – A social researcher who has studied lying for the last 25 years says that when people meet each other for the first time, they will lie 3 times in the first 10 minutes.
27:51 – The National Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, has published a study in the September issue of Pediatrics highlighting the huge increase of injuries suffered by American schoolchildren in the nation’s gym/P.E. (Episode 002, 29:02; Episode 008, 37:00; Episode 041, 43:24; Episode 082, 10:54) classes. In the last 10 years, we have seen a 150% increase, with up to 62,000 kids being injured each year. They believe the cause is a lack of adult supervision, larger class sizes, decline in school nurses and lack of physical education teachers. U.S. hospitals report seeing deep cuts, bruises, broken bones and heat stroke. Jah’s theory is that all of these kids are wicked out of shape and can’t do anything physical without breaking or injuring something.
39:47 – According to results of a study published in the Journal of Human Nature, men are not as picky as women when it comes to choosing a partner for a one-night stand. 900 college students were asked to judge pics of the opposite sex as slightly unattractive, moderately attractive and definitely attractive – then were asked to rate the chances of going out on a date, going to the person’s apartment and going to bed with them on a scale of 0-100 – 0 being Definitely Not or 100 being Definitely Yes. Regardless of the person’s looks, men were way more likely to accept all three. As for sex, 4% of women said yes while 50% of the men did. … Jah explains that men can flip the “boner switch” much easier than women can.
21:13 – The Center for Disease Control has released updated figures concerning the average age of a woman when she has her first child. In 1970, the average age was 21. In 2006, the average age was 25. The lowest age average was found in Arkansas in 1970, which was 20 years old. The lowest age average in 2006 was Mississippi (22).
52:20 – According to the Journal of Psychological Science, insults are taken better while lying down rather than sitting upright. Brain activity is more prevalent during this time while the subject heard slurs.
37:03 – New study says the average man spends up to 43 minutes of his day looking at at least 10 different women for longer than he should.
52:12 – A study was released to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology concerning the mindset of of people when on alcohol. They took 60 ungrads, gave 30 of them vodka tonics and gave 30 of them plain vodka with lime. The people that were drinking alcohol tended to ignore reality and would have grandiose ideas when high on alcohol of what they could and would do for a variety of things. The next morning after they sobered up a little bit, their plans from the previous night were all but forgotten. They called it “alcohol myopia.”
1:04:41 – A new study in Journal Science says that nitris oxide, a.k.a “laughing gas” or “wah-wah” to Jah, is the biggest man-made destroyer of earth’s ozone layer, making up about 40% of the depleting emissions.
5:23 – A new study in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology says that men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain functions compared to men that performed after spending time with a woman they did not find attractive. Researchers says that men use up excess cognitive resources in trying to impress the woman. The same study had absolutely zero effect on women.
36:34 – The most overused words and phrases, according to research conducted by finance staffing firm Accountemps, who surveyed over 150 senior executives from the nation’s largest companies, and they cited these 10 problem words and phrases: 10) leverage, 9) reach out, 8) it is what it is, 7) viral, 6) game changer, 5) disconnect, 4) value-add, 3) circle back, 2) interface and 1) cutting edge. Seth mocks each one of these in a jackass voice.
25:47 – A Cornell University gerontologist has conducted numerous studies and has found an alarming increase in elderly-on-elderly violence, certainly in nursing homes. It’s due to the fact that older people lose their inhibitions anyway and tensions are flaring and it’s on. 58:10 – A new study to be published in the Journal of Alcoholism, Clinical and Experimental Research says that the age at which a person takes a first drink may influence genes linked to alcoholism, making the youngest drinkers more apt to problems.
56:46 – According to Psychology Today, there were 50 books written in the year 2000 on the subject of happiness. In the year 2008, book stores carry 4,000 new books on the subject.
6:09 – A recent study in the journal, Addiction, suggests that people who abstain from alcohol are at a significantly higher risk of both depression and anxiety disorders.
13:30 – 36% of women surveyed in Chicago said they would give up sex for a year rather than give up their cell phone.
52:39 – The Annals of Improbable Research and Science Humor magazine handed out at their 19th annual IG Nobel prizes, that honor the real science “that first makes people laugh and then makes them think.” Dr. Donald L. Unger, 83, a Thousand Oaks allergist, won this year’s medicine award. It’s inspired by children’s warnings he’d gotten from his mother that his habits of cracking his knuckles would lead to arthritis. He spent 70 years cracking his knuckles on his left hand twice a day and has never cracked the knuckles on his right hand. There is not the slightest sign of arthritis in either hand. Seth and Jah recall that both their mothers told them that old wives’ tale. Seth says he hasn’t used a Q-Tip once since they talked about the negative effects of them (Episode 131, 8:53; Episode 137, 4:52; Episode 138, 31:47).
12:15 – According to JD Power and Associates, they’ve managed to cull around 475,000 online conversations via Facebook, Blogger, LiveJournal and Myspace with the hopes of findout what brands early careerists (22-29-year-olds) are talking about. In quick service restaurants, the #1 and #2 most-talked about chains are 1) Arby’s and 2) Cold Stone Creamery. Jah then references Cold Stone Forearms (Episode 072, 30:21; Episode 169, 53:06).
8:39 – Researchers at Stanford and UC-Santa Cruz have found that coin flips are not a 50-50 chance, but that they favor the side facing up between 51-60% of the time.
18:27 – The October journal of Nervous and Mental Disease claims that just 15 minutes of total sensory deprivation can bring on full-scale hallucinations in sane adults. The lack of sensory patterns forces a natural tendency to superimpose our own sight and sound from our brain’s resources.
30:46 – Scientists published a paper in the annals of Internal Medicine where they took the econic cookbook The Joy of Cooking and compared 18 recipes which have appeared in each edition from the book’s inception in 1931 up until the 2006 copy, and found that some recipes in the 2006 edition had calorie counts on average of 384 per serving today compared to 268 in the 1930s. Jah says people are fat. He can’t go into a 7-11 without staring at a beverage container and not be able to consume any of them. Seth thinks he should consider Myoplex.
2:33 – Researchers have done a study claiming that cleanliness fosters morality. They took two rooms, one scented with fresh citrus, the other unscented. During this day-long study, the subjects were given $12 and told it came from their anonymous partner who was in another room. The partner trusted them to divide it up fairly but it was up to them. In the scented rooms, the people on average kept $6.67 for themselves and gave the anonymous partner $5.33. In the unscented room, the people kept $9.19 and only gave $2.81 on average. Another experiment featured the subject of Habitat for Humanity, and the subjects were asked if they might want to give money. In the scented rooms, 22% said they would donate, and in the unscented rooms, 6% said they would donate.
19:37 – New research just published in an online science journal documents sexual behavior never before seen in any non-human adult animal species. Female Chinese fruit bats regularly engage in oral sex with their male fruit bat partners.
39:28 – A recent study was presented at the Society for Neurosciences annual meeting. They gave one set of rats healthy food and they gave the other set of rats unlimited amounts of junk food that included cheesecake and bacon. After a while the obese junk food rats were sleeping all day and loving it and eating it nonstop, while the others were completely healthy. They realized using the brain scan imagery that it’s the same as with heroin addicts. To show the power of that, they let the healthy rats eat the junk food, but once they gave them the junk food, they shocked them electronically. The healthy rats realized they didn’t want it that bad and went back to the health food, while the junk food rats just laid there eating it and wouldn’t stop no matter how many times they were shocked.
29:16 – Published by the Science Journal Biology letters, another very rare sexual theme – this time involving insects. Female fiddler crabs will have sex with their male neighbors in exchange for protection against other wandering male intruders. Male crabs have been observed defending female crabs in exchange for sex, protecting them in their burrows.
30:12 – Jah corrects his sexual observations of the animal kingdom from last week (Episode 190, 19:37), because oral sex has been observed in many other species but only in adolescent versions of the animal. The fruit bats are doing it as adults.
31:03 – According to a study published in the Journal of Mammalogy, black bears in Yosemite have developed a taste for minivans more than any other car model. Research has shown that minivans made up 29% of the 908 vehicles bears broke into for food between the years 2001 and 2007. It only made up 7% of the cars that visited the park. Jah thinks he knows why – because fatty slobs drive minivans and keep open packaging so their cars smell like old Doritos all the time.
45:52 – Two neuroscientists at the Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix began collaborating with magicians to study peoples’ brains while watching magic. They put headgear on the test subject to track his brainwaves and brought a magician in to do sleight of hand. The graph showed how the magician manipulated where you look and what your brain thinks you’re seeing. The subject was always constantly looking in the wrong place.
32:58 – A sudden diagnosis of cancer can be a very difficult strain on a married couple. According to new research, when a wife gets news of a possible life-threatening diagnosis, her husband is six times more likely to leave her than if the tables were turned and the man received the bad news – 3% to 21%
39:35 – Researched published in the Journal of Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research confirms long-held belief that alcoholics – even those who have long abstained – have a tendency to misread emotional cues. Sometimes taking offense when none was intended, or failing to pick up on a loved one’s sadness, joy or anger. The misunderstandings can result in more drinking, and then more deterioration of all close relationships. It raises the question, “Did alcoholism blunt emotional insensitivity, or did emotional insensitivity lead to the alcoholism?”
3:17 – A new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that lonliness is contagious. People with a negative lonely vibe can spread that vibe merely by coming into contact with other people.
7:04 – Researchers from the University of Minnesota surveyed more than 20,000 kids and found that 15% of U.S. teens expect to die young. This leads to increased drug use, suicide attempts and sexually risky behavior. Seth didn’t think he’d die young, but now he’s going to die mad old.
37:54 – A group of scientists set out to do a study on the effects of pornography. They wanted to compare men who regularly watch XXX movies with men who didn’t. Unfortunately for them, they could not find a single man in his 20s who had not been regularly exposed to it.
22:19 – According to perplexing new research from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, women of all ages, across all ethnic groups and economic strata, including single/married/family or not, all women have experienced a steady erosion in happiness since the 1970s. Jah attributes this to men.
30:28 – Research has shown most parents put off the “birds and bees” talk with their kids for as long as possible. A new study in the journal Pediatrics showed that most adolescents had some kind of sexual encounter before their parents got around to discussing it with them.
45:56 – According to data released by the U.S. Census Bureau, Americans sent 2.1 billion texts in December of 2003. By December of 2007, that figured jumped to 48 billion. In December of 2008, that number jumped to 110 billion.
50:00 – A recent survey about where people text found that 13 percent of Americans admitted to texting while in a house of worship.
7:12 – According to a recent study in the Journal Science, the Centers for Disease Control say that people in sunny states are the happiest.
26:03 – According to Contraception magazine, couples who use the “pull-out” method get their partners pregnant 4% of the time, which is about the same rate as those that use condoms.
9:40 – New research in the January 2010 issue of the journal Microbiology says that new lab studies confirm a bacterium called “Pseudomonas aeruginosa” can adapt adapt and beat both disinfectants and the superdrug Cipro.
13:03 – In a study talking about the happiest states, Florida, “The Sunshine State,” was called the happiest.
55:56 – Researchers report in the January issue of the journal Sleep that adolescents who reported sleeping 5 or fewer hours per night were 71% more likely to be depressed and 48% more likely to have thoughts of committing suicide, compared to young people reporting 8 hours of sleep nighly.
57:18 – A survey of college cafeterias is finding that turkey, meatloaf and pho are topping the national list of favorite dishes. In the Midwest, carved roast beef and macaroni and cheese are very popular. In the southwest, fish tacos are popular. In the mid-atlantic, chicken pot pies are big.
55:48 – According to the nonprofit group The Conference Board, just 45% of Americans are happy at their jobs. In 1987, when the group first began collecting this data, the number was 61%. Just 56% of Americans like their coworkers as opposed to 68% in 1987.
40:27 – A Study done by the Bureau of Justice Statistics says that 3 out of every 25 juveniles who are in U.S. Correctional Facilities have experienced at least 1 incident of sexual victimization. Six centers had rates of 3 out of every 10.
41:57 – The 2010 issue of The Statistical Abstract was just published. It comes out annually by the Census Bureau and gives the country hard data numbers including sex. Among U.S. men 15-44 years of age, the median number of lifetime sexual partners is 5.4. Among women, the median number of lifetime sexual partners is 3.3. Jah says he would be hard-pressed to think of any man he knows who has not forced their way into double digits.
53:13 – New research in circulation in the Journal of the American Heart Association suggests that each hour a day spent watching television was linked to an 18% greater risk of dying from cardiovascular disease, an 11% greater risk in all kinds of death and a 9% increased in death from cancer. If you watch more than 4 hours a day, it puts the number at 80% for cardiovascular and 46% for all kinds of death. Jah says this is a little bit out of context because most people doing this are fat fucks who don’t do anything.
58:23 – According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, between the years 1992 and 2008, the percentage of sexual harassment charges filed by men being harassed by other men doubled from 8% to 16%.
2:24 – A new study says that the United States’ overall internet speed did not qualify for a spot in the top 10 list of countries with the fastest internet in the world, and our average overall decreased by 2.4% from 2008 to 2009. The top 2 are 1) South Korea and 2) Japan.
14:47 – New research in the Journal of Epidemiology: Community Health suggests walking away or letting things pass may be an unhealthy way to deal with unfair treatment on the job. Men who reported using such covert strategies were more than twice as likely to have heart attacks or die from heart disease.
40:10 – Band-Aid studies were conducted in which 65 medical students had Band-Aids placed on their upper arms, ankles and hands. Volunteers then did either a quick yank or a slow peel. The subjects then ranked their pain level. Fast clearly hurt less. That’s what Jah always tells the ladies.
0:58 – According to a new Pugh Research Center study, in 2007, 22% of husbands had wives who made more money than they did, compared to just 4% in 1970. However, according to the Center for American Progress, a Washington-based thinktank, in 2008, women earned 77 cents for every $1 a man made.
51:18 – Psychological scientists Emily Balcetis from New York University and David Dunning from Cornell University conducted a set of studies to see how our desires affect perception. In the first experiment, particpants had to estimate how far a water bottle was from where they were sitting. Half of the volunteers were allowed to drink water before the experiment while the others ate salty pretzels, thus becoming very thirsty. The results showed that the thirsty volunteers estimated the water as being closer to them than the volunteers who drank water earlier. Our desires for certain objects may also result in behavioral changes. In a separate experiment, volunteers tossed a bean bag toward a bean bag toward a gift card worth either $25 or $0 on the floor, winning the card if the bean bag landed on it. Interestingly, the volunteers threw the bean bag much farther if the gift card was worth $0 than if it was worth $25. That is, they underthrew the bean bag when attempting to win a $25 gift card because they viewed that gift card as being closer to them. These findings indicate that when we want something we actually view it as being physically close to us. The authors suggest that these biases arise in order to encourage perceivers to engage in behaviors leading to the acquisition of the object. In other words, when we see a goal as being close to us, literally within our reach, it motivates us to keep going successfully to attain it.
34:37 – According to a new study, a woman’s biological clock is ticking faster than we previously thought. By the time a woman hits 30, nearly all of her ovarian eggs (90%) are gone for good. They lose 97% of them by the age of 40.
39:46 – According to the Pugh Research Center, 67% of Americans say 2010 will be a better year than 2009.
43:12 – A Consumer Reports new study tested 208 new bagged salads found in supermarkets. They concluded that 39% of them contained too high a level of fecal bacteria.
3:12 – Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign directed 36 test subjects – half using cell phones and half using iPods – to walk on a treadmill in an environment that simulated a busy city street. They published their findings in the Accident Analysis and Prevention Journal that cell phone users were much more distracted; they crossed the street much more slowly and didn’t look around nearly as much as the subjects who used iPods.
5:23 – According to Pugh Research Firm, the 10 most religious states in the USA are: 10) Kentucky, 9) Georgia, 8) Texas, 7) Oklahoma, 6) South Carolina, 5) Tennessee, 4) Louisiana, 3) Arkansas, 2)Alabama and 1) Mississippi.
14:28 – According to a recent survey by the Pugh Forum on Religion and Public Life, 7% of Americans attend religious services in someone’s home. “House church,” it’s called, is a response to mega-churches that allows for a closer connection to Jesus.
37:50 – A team of ornithologists have determined that the Salt Marsh Sparrow – a bird living in the marshes of Connecticut – is the world’s most promiscuous bird, with extreme levels of multiple mating.
4:33 – Number of text messages sent and received by the average American teen every month according to the Nielsen company – 2,272, or almost 80 texts a day.
12:32 – A new national survey published in the journal Pediatrics says the number of children with food allergies is increasing. It now encompasses 4% of all US kids. Research suggests this isn’t just parents hearing or reading about food allergies on the news or on the internet and thinking their children have them – it’s that they actually have them. Reasons are unclear but a prominent theory is the hygiene hypothesis – based on the notion that today’s children are less exposed to germs and other disease-causing substances than previous generations and it prevents their immune systems from strengthening, which forces it to overreact to harmless substances. Marcia agrees with this – everyone is so germophobic that they don’t have a chance to build up an immunity to anything.
25:00 – Researchers at the University of Kentucky have developed a chewing gum that they hope will help replace toothpaste and a toothbrush by using an antimicrobial named KSL – which is an anti-adhesive and abrasive agent that disrupts and helps dissolve plaque. Known as the Military Gum Project because it was designed to help soldiers in the field battle trenchmouth, they hope it will also help children in poor countries. Marcia said she’d use that herself.
3:21 – According to a new survey from Career Builder, 67% of employees say they see no need anymore to hide their office relationships – up from 54% five years ago.
4:43 – According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, people’s online social networking site profiles actually do reflect and represent their true selves. They tend to be an efficient medium for expressing real personality and those people are kept honest by their friends – and the fact they’re there as well.
11:29 – Researchers at the Salk Institute in La Joya, Calif., have taken out the unhealthy liver of a lab mouse and replaced it with a liver that is 95% human
32:51 – An article in Newsweek talks about how dating sites can still be racist because people can specifically exclude an entire race in their profile and it’s totally normal. According to a study by sociologists at the University of California at Irvine, they studied Yahoo! dating profiles and discovered that 93% of white women with racial preferences excluded Asian males. White men with racial preferences included Asians and excluded blacks. They think the choices are influenced because the media portrayals of Asian woman as being hypersexual is what had them included and black women being bossy had them excluded.
38:58 – The American Academy of Pediatrics has released a policy statement that hot dogs, due to their choking hazards, should be “redesigned.” The hot dog shape lends itself to choking.
1:40 – A new study in the Journal of Obesity finds that little kids who are looked after by grandparents part-time showed a 15% higher risk of being overweight compared to children being taken care of full-time by their parents. Children who were looked after full-time by their grandparents showed a 34% greater risk of obesity.
24:15 – According to a recent survey, 70% of HR directors questioned said that they have not hired a worker because of something they found on one of their social networking sites.
43:35 – According to researchers at the University of New Hampshire, the average U.S. kid sees his first pornographic image at age 11. 90% of children between ages 8-16 have now viewed pornography.
48:46 – According to a survey commissioned by the National Telecommunications and Information Adminstration, almost one-third of U.S. citizens do not have the internet. The most common reasons cited for not having the internet was that 1) It was too expensive (26%); 2) They do not feel as through it was needed (38%)
1:00:25 – According to new research conducted at the Kinsey Sex Institute at Indiana University, when people say they “had sex,” what really transpired is anyone’s guess. Male and female participants aged 18-96 were questioned. 5% of respondents do not consider penile vaginal intercourse as having sex. 11% say it’s not sex if there’s no ejaculation. 50% of men in the oldest age group (65 and up) do not consider anal intercourse as sex. 33% of women from the oldest age group agree that anal sex does not count as sex.
]]>0:30 – Jah refers to this as Episode 1/Episode 4
3:42 – Jah talks about Busta Rhymes’ bodyguard being shot by someone in G-Unit during a video shoot
7:13 – We first hear of Jah’s good friend Amir, who is apparently a huge Steelers fan
15:34 – We learn of Seth’s origin from north of Boston – a true Masshole
24:33 – Jonathan talks about his fear of dialing 911: “You get jitters calling it. You’re only supposed to do it, like, if your mom has a knife in her stomach.”
27:51 – We learn of Seth’s vehicle, a Plymouth Sundance
40:48 – We learn of Jah’s brother’s name, Ben
43:14 – Jah used to always order a 24-oz white chocolate dream blended with soy and an add shot with no whip and no fudge swirls at Starbucks
56:45 – We learn that Jah is a dog lover and has rescued dogs
0:01 – First UYD intro song
4:21 – Jonathan says Gonzaga’s Adam Morrison looks exactly like his brother Ben
32:52 – Jonathan rescues dogs
33:24 – The UYD intern, Jennifer, is revealed.
41:23 – Whenever Seth can’t fall asleep, he’ll put on Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise”
42:25 – Jah was looking at buying an ’87 Buick Grand National
48:13 – Seth: “(Something New is) the movie where Sanaa Lathan, that girl from Love & Basketball…” Jah: “OK, she’s dope.”
57:14 – First outro of UYD emerges
0:01 – Distinctive sound quality difference from first two episodes
3:28 - #1 most stolen car in 2005: Honda Civic
17:18 – Googlewhacking: Putting two words into the Google search engine in an attempt to yield a single result
19:59 – Seth can’t fool Jonathan by making up the new Bravo show, “Bravo Company”
27:39 – We learn that Jonathan lives in Sherman Oaks
33:26 – Jah rehashes his drink that he orders at The Coffee Bean: a 24-oz. soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whip and no fudge swirls
1:00:05 – Jonathan is giving up this podcast and smelling for lent
1:10 – Seth wants to know who the girl is on the Live Links commercial
35:04 – Jah admits that he doesn’t always stand to pee
37:27 – Seth hopes the girl from Live Links is named Sarah
51:08 – Seth goes over backmasking
58:34 – Seth still begging for the name of the LiveLinks girl
1:01 – Jah pleads for some e-mails to uhhyeahdude@gmail.com. Says he’s only had one e-mailer so far
1:24 – There were no responses to Seth’s request for the LiveLinks girl, but it’s OK because Willem Dafoe said it’s his favorite podcast
30:31 – New trend called “netbanging” – gangs go on web, create sites, call each other out … East LA home to Clanton gang (www.clantone.net)
49:29 – Seth would rather be deaf than blind; Jonathan is the complete opposite. This sparks an argument between them. Jah could still make music if he’s blind. Jah would also rather lose the sense of smell than touch, but Seth says that is crazy.
58:31 – Who should they dedicate this show to?
0:15 – One of the longest gaps of silence (20 seconds) on UYD
2:53 – UYD is rising up the charts of Podcast Alley. They are just ahead of the podcast Youth Vibes but are still behind Treks & Sci-Fi
39:42 – zillow.com – put in any address/zip, get all history on property, etc.
1:01 – Jah says it’s pretty bleak out there as far as podcasts go. He’s finding a lot of informative things, but he hasn’t found anything that’s truly funny
1:37 – Seth announces that UYD just passed Yeast Radio in the Podcast Alley rankings; Jah made eye contact with that drag queen in the last podcast convention and told him/her that they were coming after him/her. Seth says they won’t get too cocky because they haven’t passed the Buffcast
27:25 – We learn that Seth shares a birthday with Asia Argento – September 20
59:44 – Seth starts his list of weird synonyms for the internet, calling it the “ether-face-net-web.”
5:35 – UYD has passed Anime Pulse on PodcastAlley to get to No. 142, but they’re still behind Crybaby Emo Kids.
11:38 – Fire departments encourage people to change batteries in smoke detectors when they change clocks b/c of convenient reminder – sound advice, just like the advice they received from their fan Dave
20:35 – Seth is the only person Jah knows who has a subscription to Playboy
22:01 – Buck Owens obit (former host of Hee Haw) – wasn’t feeling well and was going to leave Crystal Palace when a couple fans told him they came all the way from Oregon to see him. “If somebody’s gonna come all this way, I’m going to do the show and give it my best shot.” After performing whole show, he drove home and died in his sleep
37:00 – East Coast vs. West Coast terminology rehash: Water fountain vs. bubbler discussion, then into P.E. vs. gym class
39:48 – Bathtub that James Earl Ray stood in to shoot MLK Jr. has been sold on eBay for $7,600 to Golden Palace Casino
8:24 – Jah: You know how you can tell you’re in a bad neighborhood? The billboards stay up forever.
9:20 – Rims discussion: “Deuce-deuces” are 22-inch rims. “Deuce McAllisters” are 26-inch rims because his jersey number is 26
12:17 – UYD has fallen behind Coffee Geek podcast but has surpassed Catholic Rockers – the best in Catholic rock bands
30:06 – Seth still wants to know who’s in the LiveLinks spot
38:33 – Jah reveals his man crush on Paul Newman, talking about him beating Jay Leno: “He’s a RACER!”
54:25 – Jonathan insists he would still rather be blind than deaf b/c then he couldn’t hear Seth’s sweet voice every week
13:11 – UYD just passed the official Lost Podcast, but they are right behind Lostcasts.
19:14 – April 20 is National High Five Day
38:26 – Seth mentions a documentary that will appear on Lifetime called Searching for Angela Shelton, a woman who traveled the country meeting women who knew her name. It turned out that a lot of women with her namesake suffered emotionally and physically. Seth and Jonathan met her at the 2004 Air Guitar Championships (under the name “Cherry Vanilla”) at The Roxy on Sunset Boulevard. This footage is captured in the documentary Air Guitar Nation, which Jah and Seth appear in briefly
43:53 – Do some of these bands really need tribute bands? Barenaked Ladies (The Fully-Clothed Gents), Mike & The Mechanics (The Living Years), Evanescence (Pumpkin), Spinal Tap (Wood, Dark Queen, Spinal Pap), Live (Freaks), Bad Company (The Pack, The Merchants, Gin Blossoms (Allison Road), Godsmack (15 different tribute bands) – Godsmack started out as a tribute band to Alice In Chains
2:52 – Jonathan is wearing some crazy Crocs in Seth’s studio
10:48 – UYD has passed Karatecast on Podcast Alley, but is behind Metro Moment. Seth: “Do you mean homo moment? Croc moment?”
11:41 – Jah doing a segue: “I found a podcast….” Seth: “UYD? I did too. Or did it find me? Thank you Jesus.” Basically the podcast is a forum for teen boys to get sexual advice from a creepy British prick - TBSA.libsyn.com – stands for Teenage Boys Sexual Advice (14:52)
33:25 – During Walter Clyde “Puggy” Pearson obit, Jah interrupts: “What does that mean? The master of aces and kings?”
53:07 – Seth reveals Jah’s wife’s name - Justine
1:01:44 – Jah features the fruity weird guy from the TBSA.libsyn.com (Teenage Boys Sexual Advice) talking for the outro.
16:33 – UYD has fallen behind The Star Wars Chronicles podcast but just took over Manic Mommies
24:26 – Jah interjects that Adam Curry coined the term “podcast”
52:37 – Famous last meals before death penalty. Jonathan declares he does not like this segment, and says the image of Timothy McVeigh eating two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream could, on the wrong day, actually make Jonathan cry
2:11 – Jah apologizes for last week’s technical difficulties
4:39 – Jah tries and fails at doing a really bad Paul Reiser impersonation
59:42 – Seth still wants to know who the LiveLinks chick is
2:00 – Being a boarding school guy, care packages are clutch for Jonathan
5:45 – Jah: “What’s going on with cocaine? Coke is everywhere!”
1:00:48 – Apparently UYD is helping people carve it out at the gym – America’s #1 gym talk show
2:26 – Seth and Jonathan are eating Doritos Kryptonite and their strength has diminished tremendously in the last half-hour
34:13 – Seth doesn’t like it when people put the incorrect emphasis on the wrong syllable, which Jah admits to doing.
30:18 – Jonathan’s Rick Ross ringtone
33:19 – Seth and Jah have a window set up outside the studio so all the kids in the neighborhood can line up outside
33:27 – A sign of things to come in Episode 100 – Jah: “We don’t vidcast…” Seth: “Yet!”
43:45 – Seth’s grandmother lives in Seminole, Fla., but returns to Massachusetts for the summer. The shows during the summer are a little looser and more funny because Seth is more relaxed with her being away from Florida
51:48 – Huell Howser sent Seth a postcard saying he wanted to name a veggie hot dog at Pink’s after UYD
55:47 – Jah loves his son Jimmy
0:33 – QB for Tennessee – Jim Bob Cooter
27:10 – Seth elaborates on wanting to make out with Brangelina’s baby (“I would drench it in Pedialyte and mack on that baby for like an hour in the balcony at a mommy and me screening. Mommy and me? Mommy and YOU!”)
14:53 – Episode 019 is brought to you by Deet
16:17 – Seth flashes his Brady Bunch knowledge by citing Episode #53, “The Wheeler-Dealer,” and the original air date, Oct. 8, 1971. Jah confirms that Seth is consulting no text to state this fact
34:28 – Jah’s phone has rang 5 times since the show has started
55:25 – Seth ponders: “What’s more impossible? To never have been into a Starbucks or to never have seen Titanic?” Jah: “Categorically, Starbucks.”
1:00:28 – Jonathan announces the implementation of a voicemail for listeners
1:00:40 – Seth spells it out for the first time: H-O-L-L-Y-W-U-Y-D
0:01 – Robotic voice announces the voicemail number – 888-842-2357
9:14 – Jah: “How about a podcast that has no internet access?”
12:19 – Seth introduces us to fluffernutters – marshmallow fluff is egg whites, corn syrup, sugar and vanilla flavoring, put it on Wonder Bread, put peanut butter on other side and you’ve got a fluffernutter
20:15 and 25:12 – Seth ponders: Is it inappropriate to whistle at an attractive woman? Seth prefers whistle, J-dog prefers “SsssMOKIN!” (21:59)
31:55 – Jah gets super violent: “Hit her. Hit her. Hit her. HIT HER!”
43:26 – Seth: “That’s the circle of life. Hakuna Matata? Is that the circle of life?”
46:40 – We learn Jah’s full name: Jonathan Preston Larroquette
5:54 – It’s America’s weekend. Seth: “…we taught that empire a lesson on who’s the boss.” Jonathan: “When we Tony Danza’d the Brits.”
15:13 – Seth’s Plymouth Sundance is a 1993 model
19:22; 42:07 – Seth blows it for J-dog by revealing that he is married
25:52 – More pizzas delivered to homes than any other night in U.S. history – OJ Simpson Bronco chase
46:33 – Seth gives Jah the opportunity to plug his and Amir’s band, Jogger, but Jah refuses to do it
59:23 – Who do you want to call before we disembowel you? “8-8-8 … 8-4-2 … 2-3-5-seeeeeveNN!”
16:37 – Jah eats his first-ever fluffernutter sandwich before the show. Jah enjoyed his first one, then loved his second one with extra fluff
0:00 – Contrary to what will be said on the show in Episode 023, there will be an episode the following week
15:34 – Random song starts playing in the background
29:29 – Jah’s sister is getting married to Sean
29:44 – Jah is sweating so much because it’s burning up in Seth’s apartment
31:37 – Jah is part of a didgeridoo circle. “One of things we like to say is there’s didgeridoos, and there’s didgeridont’s. And I like to consider myself a didgeridoo.”
52:03 – Hip hop community not dancing anymore, so it will eventually get to the point where it’s just “Curl Your Lips! … Digest! … Just blink!”
20:49 – Lean recipe (promethazine w/ codeine, original Sprite, jolly rancher candy)
30:27 – Seth: “Think about it. Nicole Richey is on the Simple Life and she runs that convenience store on The Simpsons. It’s amazing how they have the time!”
37:30 – Jah incorrectly states that Tempe is the capital of Arizona. It is Phoenix.
39:12 – One lucky UYD listener will be entered in a sweepstakes to win $10. Jah changes the payment to $25 at 41:52
44:14 – Seth names the 5 things every person needs that, if they have, they can go anywhere in the world: Core Control Temperature Cooler, defibulator, chapstick, a pack of gum and a tampon
0:50 – George, a newlywed from Queens NY wins the 25th anniversary special
3:17 – Introduction to zabasearch.com
25:38 – Prime phone swallowing material (PSM) This is what’s Jah’s gonna say when he sees a hot lady walking down the street: “She’s a PSM”
36:00 – Prison pruno recipe (take 10 peeled oranges and 1 8-oz bowl of fruit cocktail, squeeze fruit into small plastic bag, put juice with mash. Add 16 ounces of water, place bag in sink, heat for 15 mins with hot water, keep towels around bag for fermentation, stash bag in cell for 48 hours. Take bag out, add 40-60 cubes of white sugar, add 6 tsp. of ketchup, seal bag, put back in sink, heat in running water for 30 mins. Wrap it up, put it away for 72 hours. Reheat for 15 mins every day for three days. Skim off mash at top of bag, pour remaining portion into 2 18-oz cups, drink very quickly)
59:51 – Jonathan announces the implementation of the UYD website – predicts it will be up within 24-48 hours of when the listener is hearing this show
3:55 – www.uhhyeahdude.com is now up and running. Jah: “Your center, your HQ for everything UYD.”
33:21 – Seth begs for phone calls: “Somebody call. Call. Call. Call. Call. Just call.”
13:04 – Jonathan talks about Costco’s lifetime full return policy – Amir bought a $350 tube TV three years ago, walked in this week and they gave him $350 cash
33:59 – Seth talks about his 7-year-old daughter, Vanessa
42:54 – Ten years ago there were 2 million pay phones; now there are 1 million
0:24 – They have finally found and arrested Haley Joel Osment’s killer
20:48 – We hear a police siren in the background of the UYD studio
42:12 – J & S improvise a jingle for Pepsi Jazz that will later be jacked by Pepsi
52:40 – SORIS – scans irises of sex offenders
56:25 – Jonathan on a hunger strike and loses 38 pounds
54:12 – We learn the identity of Seth’s mother, Marsha
19:37 – Jah tells UYD callers that if you’ve covered your bases on the UYD voicemail, don’t call back and wrap up your previous ramblings
4:56 – Biggest party schools in the country (1. Texas, also UCSB, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Evergreen, UMass) High Times biggest weed schools (1. Maryland, also Colorado, Rhode Island, Florida State, Evergreen)
18:43 – Jah lights up on air for the first time (lighter audible at 19:06). He claims that he does not plan to make a habit of this whilst recording. Seth thinks he should continue to do it
41:08 – Seth ponders, what is the dipping sauce for balls?
0:21 – This week’s show brought to you by Playboy: Entertainment for Men
9:06 – Seth uses the same make and model microphone as Bob Barker – bought at an estate sale of the late Rod Roddy
2:03 – Jah requests Abraham Benrubi to play him in the UYD ABC Movie of the Week; Seth want Corin Nemec to play him; Sandra Bullock will play Jennifer the UYD intern
38:44 – Seth has never eaten a fruitcake and Jah hasn’t met anyone who likes them
1:01:05 – Seth: “I get a large coffee with two shots of espresso, it costs $2.90. How much do you think said coffee was in October of ’95.” Jah: “$1.25.” Seth: “FUCK YOU!”
9:11 – We learn that Seth has a degree in Communications from a good school (Emerson) and graduated before the internet
0:01 – Hilarious intro mocking other podcast intros
33:12 – Jah’s handwriting is the equivalent of a failed graffiti artist and a 9-year-old
1:01:14 – Jah feels like Seth had so much flavor this episode but Jah didn’t bring any of his A game
0:43 – Jonathan’s voice is all jacked up: “I’m very under the weather so I apologize for the snot in my timber.”
1:14 and 4:15 – Seth announces there will be no episode the following week because he is going in for testing on his DPR
9:18 – Seth gives us Seinfeld’s routine from the Comedy Central Night of Too Many Stars Autism Benefit
29:06 – Seth apologizes to all gay UYD listeners for using offensive terminology like “fruit,” “faggot,” etc.
41:43 – Jonathan declares that “loud pipes save lives”
51:46 – Massachusetts city bans playing tag – Jonathan thought he was talking about TAG body spray
15:26 – Seth reveals that he does not know what a SIM card is
6:41 – Jah watches a movie called The Cookout and walks away from it feeling fairly confused, utterly unentertained and really curious about how movies like this continue to get made
16:24 – Jonathan and Seth’s favorite day is Black Friday. On this day in 2005 they decided to start UYD. On the way to buy ionizers at The Sharper Image, they were gridlocked in traffic they discussed how they could talk about our life, country and culture – UYD is what they came up with.
25:16 – Jah hears something and wonders if there’s someone else in the apartment
32:14 and 32:22 – Jonathan’s horrible Boston accent
38:34 – Seth and Jonathan play golf every Sunday, Jah also plays every Wednesday
39:35 – Seth had lice once and Jonathan twice as kids
0:01 – Jonathan, Seth and UYD Nation are first to wish Mr. Larroquette a happy birthday
6:55 – This is the unofficial 1-year anniversary for UYD, because Thanksgiving of 2005 was the period of time when they decided to do the show. Seth: “This is UYD at its zenith.”
21:23 – Jah says he used to be able to distinguish the different colors of M&Ms; in 5th and 6th grade. Says he will put it to the test on air at some point
51:24 – Seth first proposes adopting a small black boy as his great-grandson and naming him Jeff
13:38 – Seth places mistletoe above Jonathan in studio
30:58 – Seth requests someone to send him the song “Too Much Time On My Hands” by Styx
39:47 – Jah talks about the urban legend of Las Vegas pumping pure oxygen into casinos to make people stay super awake and hang out and gamble
42:22 – Jah and Seth introduce the new scent of UYD: vanilla, sandalwood and lyme. Seth: “That’s a delicious fragrance; what are you wearing? I’m wearing UYD. What are you listening to? I’m listening to UYD. What are you watching? I’m watching UYD. Why are you fighting? We’re fighting for UYD. But you’re in a parking lot at Pavilions. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. Big whoop. It don’t matter to me. Fallujah, Vine Street, I don’t give a fuck. I fight for freedom … and UYD.”
43:24 – Seth and Jah compare East Coast vs. West Coast terminology: jimmies vs. sprinkles, bubblers vs. water fountains, pigpiles vs. dogpiles, gym vs. P.E., recess vs. nutrition, tonic vs. soda
19:57 – We learn Seth’s brother’s name, Max
37:42 – Seth announces his new name for the internet, the “monsterweb.”
45:23 – Jonathan says Christmas music sends him to the darkest place ever, while Seth says the Charlie Brown Christmas music freaks him out
51:36 – Jah is in the LA Weekly this week, with some of his poetry quoted in it
33:23 – Seth dips back in to his desire to want a great-grandson named Jeff
21:38 – Seth was a latchkey kid – came home from school, key would be left out for him, and he would be left alone to watch Inspector Gadget until his mom came home from work
28:53 – Jonathan Larroquette is Time magazine’s “Man of the Year”
36:16 – Just like Rocky Balboa rescued a dog, Jonathan Larroquette has rescued dogs
41:36 – Seth’s improv’ed “Minds, eyes hearts and cocks” jingle cracks Jah-man up
59:38 – Another Seth shout-out to Jeff, his black great-grandson
0:48 – Jah and Seth are sitting Indian-style on a nice Afghan rug in their Christmas cashmere turtlenecks, looking back and reflecting on the antics of 2006.
36:07 – Jah can’t think of Garth Brooks’ alter-ego until Seth reveals it, Chris Gaines, at the 37:35 mark
36:24 – Jah rocks a Bobby McFerrin ditty, “Blackbird”
44:45 – Seth and Jah try to figure out what kind of a website they could create in ’07 to have a streamlined niche market. Jah suggests fat people grocery shopping. They will name it “Chubbb Grubbb,” or www.chubbbgrubbb.com
47:55 – Jonathan buys Seth an Audix OM2 microphone for Christmas – it’s his second-best Christmas gift ever, next to his Haro BMX: "Hey, how’s your Haro, Seth? Well, it’s pretty awesome, world. Well harooo, Haro.”
0:01 – No intro song can be heard
0:13 – This show is brought to us by McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts
8:07 – Seth announces his affinity for the Dallas Cowboys
31:26 – Jonathan creams over the iPhone
36:01 – Jah ponders what the movie Fuck looks like on the 108-inch Sharp LCD
1:01:23 – First plug for donating to show
1:57 – UYD thanks the three listeners who donated to the show in the first full week of accepting donations to keep the show running ($10 = Community Builder; $25 = Hope Giver; $50 = Dream Catcher; $100 = Miracle Maker)
44:36 – Technical difficulties on UYD
53:59 – Seth wants to know the lyrics from Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55”
2:33 – Jah’s father told him not to put on headphones for the podcast because he’ll fall in love with his own voice
43:08 – Seth repeats the phrase Jah taught him in Episode 036 – “Loud pipes save lives.” Jah: “And clean needles.”
43:41 – Danny Finegood obit – as part of his environmental sculpture at his Cal State-Northridge class, he changed the Hollywood sign to read HOLLYWEED
0:33 – Jah busts out “Drift Away” by Dobie Gray, botches the lyrics and can’t figure out who sings it
18:43 – Jonathan and Seth watch unrated version of The Marine with John Cena – they declare it “awesome.”
39:28 – Jonathan’s dad was supposed to be on board the helicopter that crashed on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie (killed 2 people), but his car got stolen and he couldn’t be there
26:15 – Jonathan lashes back at voicemail callers who are correcting him, telling him it’s “Give me the beat boys…” Jah says it’s “Give me the Beach Boys” by Desmond Tutu
0:17 – Ask, believe, receive: It’s The Secret.
26:16 – Seth: “That’s the circle of life. Hakuna matata. What does hakuna matata mean?” Jonathan: “The circle of life.”
0:21 – This episode is brought to us by Team UYD
9:50 – Seth explains the following foods: ants on a log, elephant ears, bear claws, egg cream, Hawaiian pizza, swiss roll, and London broil
17:42 – Seth gives up hate for lent. Every New Year’s and every lent he gives it up.
36:46 – Seth realizes that hakuna matata means “no worries.”
50:30 – Jahnathan qualifies as a “bear.” A panda bear is an Asian guy, a cub is a young bear, an otter is a thin bear, Tony Soprano is the king of all bears. Jah originally thought a bear was an LL Bean lumberjack.
55:53 – Seth still wants to know the “I Can’t Drive 55” lyrics
0:19 – Seth finally gets his wish, to hear lyrics from “I Can’t Drive 55” by Sammy Hagar
6:04 – Seth wonders if people still go dutch on the dating scene
10:19 – We learn that Jonathan needs a big King bed because his dogs sleep on the bed with him
0:31 – Jah and Seth are podcasting live from South by Southwest in Austin TX
22:45 – Seth wishes his mother a wonderful trip to Italy, where she will be listening to the show will fellow Romans
43:43 – Jah sleeps in the raw; Seth sleeps in a sweatshirt and a parka as his bottom
44:57 – Jah’s friends Alley Mills and Orson Beane have separate houses in Venice side-by-side, connected by a tunnel
58:44 – Seth has seen “Blood In Blood Out… Bound By Honor” three times in the theaters.
12:35 – Jah’s depth charge ringtone goes off
50:47 – Jonathan needs help with data recovery because in a fury he kicked one of his hard drives when it was plugged in and on, and he’s lost his entire music library with 80 gigabytes of tunes
0:11 – An early start time for UYD – 9:19 p.m.
2:04 – Seth reveals that he has an 8-year-old brother
38:49 – Nicotine Anonymous refers to abstinence from smoking as “smobriety.” Jah: I mean, I was in this parking lot and this woman, she cut me off she took my spot and I got so angry, but then I just said – you know what? I’m not going to let her fuck with my smobriety. … Instead of Hi I’m John, I’m a smoking addict, they’re like, You’re an asshole! (39:39)
40:37 – When Jonathan gets dressed around midday, he says to himself, “Do I look sexy, but not sexual?” Seth says the opposite: “Do I look sexual, but not sexy?”
0:12 – This is their hands-down favorite best week of voicemails ever, and Jah dedicates the show to April and new starts
10:15 – Seth ponders how Jonathan has such beautiful hands
11:47 – UYD hired a demographic group to figure out who listens to UYD. They sat down with a team and they said “We’ve found your demographic. You know who listens to UYD? People that are awesome.” And then they threw a three-ring binder at them and walked out
16:55 – Seth celebrates 5 years of sobriety
21:12 – Jah knows someone, Tim, who got Chlamydia of the eye – only 2 ways you can get it: 1) insect carrying it gives it to you; or 2) rubbing on some Chlamydia-infested snatch
37:45 – Jonathan tries to keep talking with three cigarettes in his mouth. Seth: “That’s awesome information, probably impossible for our listeners to hear, because you’re chewing tobacco on the right side of your mouth and you have a cigarette on the left.” Jah: “Every time I say Johnny Cash I want to smoke, I don’t know why.”
27:21 – Phone rings and Seth thinks it’s the scientologists coming for him. Seth: “Oh my god… well, 61 was a good run. Thank you.”
29:08 – Jonathan says homeless people are disgusting – comment comes back to haunt him in Episode 062
33:32 – Seth goes over Madden Curse
1:00:46 – Jah is wearing pink argyle socks
0:14 – Next week’s show will be done on Thursday and available on Friday
3:19 – Jonathan gets heat for the homeless comment: “Hey man – what’s your problem with homeless people? That’s not funny.”
10:23 – A lot of listeners chime in about knowing “Our God Is An Awesome God” and saying it was the jam
13:25 – Seth can’t stand Jonathan discarding index cards on the floor of the UYD studio and feels compelled to walk over, pick it up and put it in its proper place for archiving purposes. Seth says it’s because he’s not used to the show being recorded on Thursday night
14:10 – Jah talks about the new blood pressure machines being the grossest thing ever. “It just feels like an oddly compromised position to put yourself in in public view.” It’s the same people who lay in massage chairs and get their germs all over them. The only things Jah is down with are the public take-a-nap places you can rent in Japan
30:25 – The first song Jah learned on the guitar was “Heard It Through The Grapevine”
33:23 – Seth can’t believe that Famous Amos and Mrs. Fields fucked
44:46, 54:02 and 59:07 – Seth and Jonathan talk about Xtenz infomercial: “BIGGER!”
51:20 – Sting can do tantric face yoga to where his face cums for an hour straight. Seth: “Why is Sting’s face cumming for so long?”
0:01 – Audio quality is distinctively lessened
28:33 – Jonathan is convinced he’s never seen a black person with Down’s syndrome, then incorrectly states that 1 out of every 10 has it
58:34 – Seth is going to see Lucky You because his plan is to see how many Drew Barrymore rom-coms he can see this year and walk out of
3:19 – Jonathan was duped by Seth last week by the Grateful Dead song “Gentlemen Start Your Engines,” which Jonathan reads the lyrics of
5:55 – Jonathan clarifies his incorrect Down’s syndrome fact – incidence rate in African American and Caucasian children is 1 per 600-700 live births, rather than 1 in 10
33:59 – Commercials for KFC during the Kentucky Derby saying “we’re #1 in China!” going apeshit
53:30 – People on website say Seth looks and sounds like David Spade and Jonathan looks like a young Norm Peterson from Cheers. Jah will concede the Norm comparison but Seth isn’t down with being compared to the Spade-dog: Seth: “David Spade? So I look like a female marionette puppet with a fake wig? Thanks listeners. Appreciate it.”
14:19 – Seth thinks he and Jonathan should be cast on Cavemen playing bi-curious radio DJs who live next door to the cavemen
15:54 – Jah wants his dad to go on Conan and somehow work in a UYD plug
22:34 – Seth takes a swig of his Diet Coke Plus: “That’s vitamins and minerals.”
48:29 – Jonathan ponders, why do people laugh when babies cry?
50:49 – Most popular babies names: girl’s name at lowest level since 1950s? Katrina.
1:00:04 – UYD does an hour-long show. The first show they did that they never uploaded was 3 hours long; the second show was 22 minutes long. They decided to split the difference. Seven of their shows didn’t air.
1:01:01 – Jonathan gets feedback on new show upload time from listener Sonny, lying on the beach watching a fisherman and listening to UYD – loving the new UYD vibe
31:55 – Seth has no question that he has seen every single episode of The Dukes of Hazzard. We first learn of Seth’s notebook decked out with REO Speedwagon, AC/DC and a journal entry about the Dukes of Hazzard
43:54 – Seth goes back to his theory that whistling at women is appropriate, while Jonathan does “SSSMMMOKIN!” (first mentioned in Episode 020, 20:15)
47:01 – Brattleboro, VT – public nudity legal
59:37 – After a day of work, Jonathan would not let anyone go anywhere near his genitals without having a shower first
16:44 – Jonathan sees a bumper sticker that reads: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
5:07 – Jah’s current drink of choice at Starbucks? Iced venti quad soy latte
38:41 – Seth has been in LA for 12 years and is still waiting for an earthquake. He arrived in January of 1995, and the last big one was in January of 1994
42:25 – Seth moonwalks live on UYD. Jah loses it: “You can totally fucking moonwalk! Seth just moonwalked! I’m not kidding you guys, that was a solid moonwalk.” Seth says he will cripwalk next show
47:17 – The Netflix queue is tearing couples apart – going into the queue, logging on and changing the order
1:00:02 – Jah and Seth request all angel investors making over $250,000 a year to simply give it to UYD
1:02:34 – Seth makes one request to potential UYD voicemail callers: no beatboxing. “I had a beatboxing incident as a boy. I was almost killed by a beatboxer. I was raped and left for dead. So the sound of beatboxing takes me back to the rape.” Jah confirms: “I had to witness Seth listening to that beatboxing voicemail and the shuddering, sweating and tearing that occurred…”
0:37 – Jah: “Do you know what material can scratch a diamond?” Seth: “A fine piece of silk.” Jah: “Only a diamond can scratch or scuff another diamond.”
23:18 – Jonathan reads his book report on A Clockwork Orange, titled “You Can’t Blame the Youth.” An excerpt: “The book takes place at a time in the future when the world’s youth has gone mad. It’s much like the gang problem we are running into today. …”
35:48 – Seth and Jonathan both have plus-ones to Lindsey Lohan’s birthday party, and request listeners to submit all the reasons why they should take you to the party. Seth: “Type us a report.” Jah: “And by type a report we mean send us pictures of your tits.”
36:19 – Jonathan ponders: Do guys who take crazy hormones and grow boobs – are they susceptible to breast cancer?
42:11 – Seth’s cell phone rings in the studio
1:01:49 – Seth and Jonathan ponder having a celebrity guest on UYD
5:45 – We learn the name of Jah’s high school, Verde Valley School in Sedona, AZ
10:35 – Lindsey Lohan cancels her birthday party, throwing Jah and Seth off
26:00 – Jonathan holds both microphones and talks into them as Seth goes to bust open a Twinkie. Seth loves it, and says it reminds him of sitting in Havana, Cuba, eating a Twinkie off the tree: “They hate us for our OG Twinkies”
47:21 – Jah and Seth try to figure out the difference between fraternal and identical twins, except they keep saying “paternal” and “maternal” and confuse the hell out of themselves and UYD listeners
48:33 – Seth thinks Jonathan should be the resident UYD Doctor, after the way he tried to explain the types of twins and how he thinks 1 in 10 black people have Down’s Syndrome (Episode 063, 28:33)
51:54 – Jonathan asks if everyone has by this point figured out that the news items Jah reads are simply things Seth has written down for him in advance
9:12 – Jah gives a shout-out to a local listener, April
17:17 – Seth’s first reference to “High Net Worth” on CNBC
21:33 – Jah drops it on Seth: “Do you know you admitted to committing a felony on last week’s show? You opened Jay Leno’s mail.” Seth: “Fuck!”
49:38 – Jah reveals Apple’s official street address: 1 Infinite Loop
25:10 – Seth’s little diversion into singing “Baker Street” puzzles both of them as to who sings it. They later discover that it is Gerry Rafferty at 31:40 and speak/sing lyrics
29:12 – Jah gives a shout-out to Zach and Leanna in Chicago
29:34 and 30:47 – Jah’s depth charge ringtone
30:21 – Jah explains the Cold Stone forearms – they whip it together so hard that they all get jacked up. Jah only gets hand jobs from young girls who work there b/c they’re so strong
31:01 – Jah knows of 2 people who have iPhones with UYD on them and wants a picture of it
1:02:29 – Props to MadCowPirate.com’s positive review on May 5, 2007
0:43 – We don’t need another hero; we don’t need another way home; all we need is life beyond Thunderdome
1:44 – It seems that every state in the union is being represented on the UYD voicemail – Hawaii, Juneau, Alaska. Jah: “We’ve got hoes in different area codes.”
49:50 – Jah saw an article on Hanson in US Weekly and it gave him a full panic attack
1:01:39 – Jah: “If you want to go to the fucking website, you fuckers…” Both start laughing
23:53 – Seth would never go skydiving and would never go bungee jumping. A UYD listener went skydiving for her birthday and Jonathan thought that was awesome – the closest he’s ever come is riding Colossus at Magic Mountain. Seth hates roller coasters too.
50:32 – Jonathan fails miserably at his Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation
1:03:44 – Jonathan teases us by telling us we will have awesome UYD t-shirts
1:05:24 – Jah encourages listeners to go into Apple Stores and subscribe to UYD through iTunes at those stores
51:29 – What’s Tuesday, August 7, 2007? Jah’s 30th birthday
53:24 – J & S continue to refer to “hakuna matata” as “the circle of life.”
1:03:24 – Banging on wall of Seth’s apartment indicates that he’s being too loud (Seth: “I guess when your dog barks for the next 12 hours and I’ve not said anything over the last six months I just… that’s cool, but I guess if I’m talking about the world a little too loud, I’m sorry in the studio.”
1:04:12 – UYD listener in Chicago subscribed to 50% of the computers at the Apple Store in Chicago
33:34 – Jah’s iPhone comes to life
1:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to Cassie and Crow for the dope birthday gift they sent him. It’s a giant rubber ball with Chris Hansen from TCAP drawn on it with a Sharpie, and it was sent through the post office as is.
7:33 – Seth came up with his DJ name: DJ Talent. Jah, jealous of his friend’s DJ name, steals it for himself: DJ R23PO
9:55 – Jah gives a Forum update. One listener asks if Jah’s dad was in Chicago because he thinks he saw him, but Jah dispels this rumor. Another listener responds, saying they had their own celebrity sighting, spotting Seth Romatelli in Fish Without A Bicycle. Another listener says they found him in IMDB as being in Crossroads with Britney Spears: “Please tell me he hit that.” Seth’s only reply: “People are talking. Technology is running amuck.”
14:09 – Seth wonders if the static electricity discharge thing at gas pumps is true or BS. Jah thinks it’s bullshit.
15:17 – UYD listener Mike calls Jah a hippie-crite: “Vegan/smoker, environmentalist/car fanatic. When was the last time you replaced a car trip with a bicycle or just walked there? I can’t wait to hear your self-righteous hatred of AT&T when you get your paper-wasting 20-page bill for your iPhone. By the way I love the show. I found you about Episode 020 and I’ve listened to every one. Every time I ride my bike past Gold’s Gym I remember the story about some first grader that had cocaine and some other kids that had a grenade, because I was listening to the show when they were replacing the Gold’s Gym sign, and now the two are welded together forever in my brain.”
45:20 – Jah reveals that they lost half of a show tonight
56:17 – Seth’s cross-country trip where he recorded the high score on Gallaga on every arcade in the nation. Seth: “What three letters did I punch in?” Jah: “UYD.” Seth: “Actually I did RMA for Roma, but next time.”
0:25 – Jah wishes a happy birthday to UYD listener Joaquin, the drummer for the band Hello Stranger. He is currently in Pittsburgh after just playing there
3:04 – Jonathan gets some Doritos Collisions, which they both sample in the studio
15:11 – Jah: “This must be disgusting hearing me talking with full cock mouth like glug, glug…”
55:37 – Jah notices that as the show has become more popular, people get a little nervous when they call and leave voicemail messages.
2:07 – Jonathan’s random diversion about the Koosh Ball leaves Seth mindfucked
2:26 – Depth charge ringtone goes off
8:58 – New fried foods at Texas State Fair (fried cookie dough, fried guacamole, deep-fried latte)
59:51 – Seth explains PodcastAlley to listeners like it’s a new revelation
1:02:27 – Seth’s computer is really old; he’ll go to websites and nothing will load
19:08 – University of Pittsburgh reports that 10% of fourth graders have already had their first alcoholic beverage
44:06 – Seth wonders if it’s cool to pour peanuts in your Sunkist like he saw an old college football coach do on TV
1:37 – UYD got a new twist this week on the voicemails – drunk dialing. The wasted dude told Jah he could beat Jonathan’s highly modified 2003 Volkswagen GTI with his 2002 Civic SI. Nobody wanted to step to Seth’s Plymouth Sundance, however
5:32 – UYD listener Zach wants to ask Leanna to Homecoming so he can get some brain
8:10 – Seth keeps working on the UYD theme song – he’s been working on it for 82 episodes
10:54 – Seth and Jah delve back into East Coast/West Coast terminology: pigpile/dogpile; recess/nutrition; bubbler/water fountain; gym/P.E.
0:50 – Jonathan and Seth didn’t hear any of the voicemails because Jonathan forgot to pay the phone bill again
13:06 – This show is being brought to you by Vivaxa – gives you both timing and control
48:30 – Jonathan wishes Seth a happy birthday even though it’s technically no longer his birthday
51:58 – Seth ponders, why does every place he sees say COLDEST BEER IN TOWN?
2:15 – Jah wants to blow the roof off UYD by handing out his personal phone number – 323-481-4422. One stipulation: In order to call him, you must get one friend to subscribe to the show
8:28 – If you call Jah, more than likely he’ll be on the driving range taking lessons from Roger Dunn
9:07 – Seth asks Jah if he’s ever heard of the reggae song “Sweat” by Inner Circle but Jah isn’t familiar with it. Jah stopped listening to Inner Circle when Jacob Miller died. Seth wants to know if the song is advocating rape or any kind of sexual deviancy or abuse
18:47 – Jah apologizes for the smoke detector going off in Episode 083. Seth says Jah went out at 3 a.m. and basically ripped the battery out of the detector
49:49 – Seth still receives Playboy magazine and reads the articles. If you paid Jah $1,000, he couldn’t even get an erection flipping through the magazine, much less successfully beat off. He says he would have better luck beating off to a Harpo magazine (really an O magazine).
53:10 – Jah wants to know if dudes use lube, spit palm or dry palm to jerky jerk
57:38 – The only cities UYD rocks it in are Sedona, Albuquerque, L.A. and Vegas
59:08 – Young man in Topeka, Kan., named Alex, goes to Topeka High and has nothing but good things to say about UYD and UYD nation. Seth says he sounds like he’s a straight-A student
1:00:00 – Jah asks listeners to tell him how to add pictures to the podcast so people aren’t blankly staring at text or nothing when they’re listening to the show
0:33 – Seth bought Radiohead’s new album, and paid two pence
2:52 – Jonathan says he got the best calls and texts as a result of giving out his personal cell phone number. He tried to call the dude back from Egypt but couldn’t get through. He also gives a “big-ups” to Jessica from Virginia who was feeling a little left out
11:14 – Seth asks Jonathan not to spin the microphone like a baton when he’s talking into it
17:35 – We learn that Seth has a Braille Playboy sitting in his studio – Vol. 25, April 1978 issue
27:26 – Jah: “I think this episode is an official disaster.” Seth predicts that when he listens to it tomorrow he will say, “Good work guys.”
27:54 – Jonathan has never eaten anything from a George Foreman Grill, and claims he is not the only one
29:19 – Seth claims that Jonathan said something to him on an episode that he’s never forgotten: “Seth, loud pipes save lives.” (regarding Harley-Davidson motorcycles, Episode 036, 41:43 and Episode 049, 43:08)
31:09 – Jah got a voicemail on his cell phone from Hutch that said “Yo dog, you dead dog. It’s on dog.”
32:16 – 30th anniversary of Atari 2600 is upon us – October of 1977 – the same year Jah had his first boner. Seth was a fan of Pitfall, but Jah had a ColecoVision
33:23 – Vegansexuals: Vegans who prefer to couple with other vegans instead of non-vegans whose bodies are composed of rotting animal flesh and corpses
16:20 – Seth ponders: “Without UYD, how would we collectively live and make sense of this? If we didn’t come together once a week for 60 minutes how the fuck are we going to make sense of this world we live in?”
23:57 – Seth observes that Letterman is becoming mean and Leno is becoming funny
34:17 – Seth tells Jah to give everybody Jogger’s site, but Jah refuses: “They’ll know soon enough. They’re too busy digesting the new Radiohead record. Trying to wrap their minds around that.”
37:54 – Jah claims that a funny highway joke is to drive by someone and pretend like they’re asleep and close one eye, and people freak out.
34:49 – Seth’s “Show me the meal!” comment causes Jah to erupt in laughter
51:39 – Seth reveals that he will be voting for Barack Obama
56:00 – Seth doesn’t like the new Radiohead record and said he got a gay vibe from it
12:25 – Jah declares that the Christmas Creep is on: decorations are up across the street from his dog store, and his friend Courtney has just seen his first Christmas commercial
13:45 – Jah revisits his hatred for holiday music originally mentioned in Episode 042
19:57 – GCILFs: Grandma Corpses I’d Like to Fuck
23:16 – Jah suddenly gets very dizzy and the whole room tilted at 45 degrees and tilted back. Seth has also felt terrible all day. Jah asks if there is a gas leak in the house and Seth says not to say that. Jah dismisses the notion because he thinks he would’ve smelled it by now. This is foreshadowing to Episode 144, 42:13, when Seth reveals there really was gas leaking from his stove that whole day
27:56 – Seth gives a shout-out to his cousin Eric for celebrating his 1-year anniversary with wife Erin. One of the only two weeks where UYD has skipped a podcast was when Seth was the best man in Eric’s wedding last October
33:29 – Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, offers a new course in the History Department called “Red Sox Nation”
37:46 – Seth’s seemingly harmless birth-related question sparks the first fight of UYD; Jah proposes to go adopt a baby (39:18), which Seth finds ridiculous; Jah says there’s too many babies (41:12) but Seth says that’s not the point, then sets Jahnny off by saying he treats kids like a litter of dogs (41:19); Seth argues that the most important thing is making the kid, Jah says raising the kid is the most important thing; Seth says it’s the most epic thing you could ever do (44:56), but Jah says mushrooms at a Jerry band show is the most epic thing; Jah gets pissed at Seth for saying he looks at a human being the same way he looks at a dog (45:53), says he wants to turn the podcast off and never turn it on again; then reiterates his pissedoffedness (48:49)
51:02 – Jah admits he hates God, then plugs Zeitgeistmovie.com
1:02:51 – Seth and Jonathan meet with UYD nationers agent79 and 55inch at the 101 Coffee Shop. Being the gentleman that he was, Jonathan picked up the bill
5:46 – UYD listener Laura called Jah and asked if Seth really saw Mystery, but Jah assured her he wasn’t making that up
12:31 – Seth wakes up by calling someone on the East Coast, telling them when he wants to get up and having them call him. Jah calls 976-WAKE
13:50 – The Setai Hotel in South Beach Florida is the country’s only six-star hotel
55:02 – Jah has to pee so bad he can’t think straight and asks Seth to take the reins
56:38 – Seth ponders – what was the original name of Pearl Jam?
1:38 – Jah says he will change the outgoing UYD voicemail message soon enough but he’s bad at doing it so he’s put it off
4:20 – Jah’s first reference to “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story” posters he’s seen in several Starbucks. Examples: I have a customer who orders a triple tall nonfat extra hot cappuccino every day. We call it an Angela. … I think Abby’s been working on her novel for six years now. … There is this lovely couple who come in every morning and read the newspaper to each other. … And when she came in to meet him, he greeted her with a dozens roses and a mocha.
10:51 – Jah wants to start a campaign for reclaiming the rainbow from the homosexual community. In his life, he has been both a hippie and a raver – two things that years ago, rainbows were an integral part of. Jah: “I am telling all gays right now, respecognize. You get to pick two colors from your rainbow flag. I am completely willing to forfeit a color combination to you.” (Then Jah says, “…like the orange and blue of Florida State.” He meant Florida)
21:21 – Seth answers his question from last episode: the original name of Pearl Jam was Mookie Blaylock.
22:22 – Jah dedicates this show to Laura Darlington for her birthday – friend of the show, original UYD listener
48:37 – Jenkem is brought up again. Jah claims he didn’t realize what the “Winnie” nickname is all about (Winnie the Pooh) and wishes he would have picked up on it
58:33 – Jah pleads for money, but Seth says not to because they’re getting it from Marc Zuckerberg
59:41 – UYD idea started in Jonathan’s laundry room in Thanksgiving of 2005. Seth: “That’s when the deep-seeded plans started to take shape.”
1:01:43 – Young college student, UYD listener, has been going to everyone’s dorm room and subscribing to iTunes on their computers
0:31 – Jah and Seth discuss the screwed-up sound levels that many UYD listeners noticed during Episode 091
1:51 – Seth upgrades his computer to a G4 iBook, a gift from Jonathan
35:54 – Jah reads more from “DMT: The Spirit Molecule”
45:46 – Seth and Jah do their whistle/ssssMOKIN routine
46:16 – We learn of Jah’s pink/turquoise poncho that was made in Guatemala
49:23 – Seth claims that Jah gets grifted often. Jah says that 90% of him knows he’s being grifted, but 10% of him just wants to hear the story that they’re going to concoct – then he brings up the $2,000 he was taken for online (Episode 043)
0:07 – Jah refers to this as “Episode Number Fuck You”
1:23 – Jonathan texts “PICKUP” to 44544 in order to get awesome pickup lines like “Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Give me your number.”
6:58 – More “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story:” There’s a mom and the cutest 2-year-old who come in for chocolate milk. Only she calls it dot-dot milk. … Last Christmas she baked us the most amazing cookies. It’s nice when customers are nice. … Neil is my human VCR. He’s always able to tell me what I missed on TV last night.
11:46 – Seth clarifies last week’s question as to whether Alan Thicke wrote the Growing Pains theme song “As Long As We’ve Got Each Other,” it was written by John Bettis – sang by B.J. Thomas
13:09 – Another reference to the Cold Stone Creamery forearms. Marble Slab has been around five years longer than Cold Stone (1983 vs. 1988), but there are 1,400 Cold Stones vs. 349 Marble Slabs.
52:09 – Seth hasn’t had a physical since 8th grade
55:02 – Jah spots what’s in Seth’s search window of his Google page: GUCCI MANE
1:00:45 – Jah finally sees Borat. Seth: “Did you see Titanic?”
0:34 – Seth warns Jonathan that he is sitting almost directly underneath the mistletoe
1:21 – Jah has not been to the website, checked the e-mail or been to the myspace page in two weeks b/c he is playing a live show – Doug Westin’s Troubadour on Santa Monica, Dec. 15
2:07 - More “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story:” For weeks I had called a customer by the wrong name. He was too shy to correct me. I was so embarrassed when I found out. … Sometimes, they have an argument about who’s going to pay for the drinks: “I’m gonna get it.” “No, I’m gonna get ’em.”
27:07 – This year will be 11th year that TBS will air “A Christmas Story” marathon from Christmas Eve to Christmas Night – unfortunately, it will be first year that director Bob Clark will not be able to watch it – was killed in April on PCH
53:29 – Seth’s sick, Jah’s sick of life. Jah: “What’s your ailment this week?” Seth: “Fucking life.”
1:00:25 – Seth looks ahead to the Episode 100 extravaganzo and ponders what they will do
1:01:44 – Jah never received a pickup line back after requesting it and getting charged for it during Episode 093
1:02:16 – Jah hears through the grapevine that Tara posted her boobs on the UYD website
1:03:22 – Seth thinks they had a great show despite him not feeling 100%
7:14 – Jah’s depth charge goes off, but it’s not a pertinent UYD factoid
31:40 – Seth’s friend John Buckley can, by not looking at a license plate, look at a driver and their car and tell you whether or not they have out-of-state plates
32:25 – Jah re-references his ability to distinguish the different colors of M&Ms; with his eyes closed
41:54 – Seth finally watches 55inch's clip of Jah on SNL with Jon Lovitz. The musical guest that week was Randy Newman, who Jah impersonates with a gravelly “Picasso” rendition. Seth couldn’t believe how composed Jonathan was on live television
44:06 – Seth looks up Don Vito from Jackass – got arrested doing an autograph session while drunk and fondled two 12-year-old girls, was found guilty and screamed “KILL ME!” in the courtroom. Kobe Bryant’s lawyer was also Don Vito’s. He is now on suicide watch in a Colorado prison.
1:03:50 – Jah notes the drama going on in the UYD website: “I feel like this is not conducive for the UYD community.”
0:54 – Jah and Seth receive several Christmas gifts from UYD listeners: vegan fluff and Peter Pan peanut butter, Season’s Beatings from Jerry Springer’s Ringmasters bandaid dispenser, Florida magnet
5:25 – Seth shows Jah a paper with “MV7” written on it. Turns it upside down to reveal “LAW.”
6:55 – UYD is still taking suggestions for Episode 100. They’ve gotten a lot of suggestions – a few too many, if you ask Jah
9:56 – Jah reads e-mail from UYD listener: “Guys, you’re pronouncing Oregon the wrong way. …”
25:46 – Jah and Seth do the Mark McGwire-Jose Canseco Bash Brothers bump in the studio, and Seth suggests doing it before every show. Seth can’t find who started the fist bump but he thinks it’s Jamaicans
29:32 – More college classes: USC – The Beatles Albums; Indiana University – Star Trek; Bucknell University – Witchcraft. UYD voicemail caller took a class at Northern Iowa University called “Just Sex,” where they were graded on their ability to talk about sex
34:42 – Jah threw an index card in the studio in a place where OCD Seth wasn’t comfortable with
41:37 – Jah plays “Kill Your Television” by Ned’s Atomic Dustbin through his laptop live on the show. Seth says he’s never heard of it: “I was too busy watching TV, not talking shit about it.”
1:00:31 – Jah plays “The Christmas Song” by Mannheim Steamroller in its entirety
0:21 – Jonathan feels like dogshit
8:53 – Jonathan gives a Grateful Dead lyric, but is fearful that he’ll get it wrong and Slim Tim will be all up in his shit: If I had a gun for every ace I’ve drawn / I could arm a town the size of Abilene
16:47 – Jah asks if Seth felt as bad as he does when he did the show a few weeks ago. Seth felt worse during the days following the podcast
55:44 – Jonathan receives the following text from a UYD listener: I JUST SAW JUNO. IT’S GOOD. IT’S LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE IN LOVE.
56:13 – Jah is very upset at all the hostility going on in the UYD forums, says he had no part of people getting banned (Cassie, Crow, harpua, Wally, Lizard King, etc.). Jah said he would sooner shut the forums down than let people be banned
1:00:56 – Despite being sick, Jah gives stirring renditions of “We Don’t Need Another Hero” and “I Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight”
1:03:49 – Jah and Seth further discuss Episode 100 plans. Seth: “We owe it to ourselves, to the show, to the listeners who have gone out of their way to support us for two years.” Jah says he’ll do the show and then hold it ransom. He’ll get things from different people and send it to them individually
1:06:32 – Seth gives Jonathan a new name, “Fuckman.” Seth gives himself the name “Surfer.”
0:04 – Crazy long period of silence lasts for 26 seconds
3:14 – Seth wants the two of them to begin carrying combs/brushes in their back pockets
13:06 – Jah has a slightly Hobbit big toe with a little Hitler stache on it
14:06 – Seth is thinking that Domino’s will be the next pizza place to launch a new pizza. He’s already picked out the Domino’s he’s going to egg, just north of Oxford St. on 3rd St.
29:05 – UYD listener confirms that the turban-wearing “You’re a very lucky man” grifters exist. He was listening to UYD talking about them as one walked past him. He sees two of them in his neighborhood and saw them eating lunch together one day
31:58 – Phenomenal voice messages – seems like they’ve got the Pacific Northwest on lockdown
41:50 – Rambo trailer plays in background
1:03:24 – Episode 100 discussion. Seth almost walked up to Orlando Bloom in a Whole Foods to try to convince him to be on the show
1:04:28 – UYD has made an achievement – on the first page of iTunes of Featured Podcasts
0:25 – They’re adding a new component. They will now henceforth be referred to as UYHD – the first UYD videocast.
1:48 – Seth cracks open some Pepsi Ice Cucumber – Jonathan is down with it but Seth hates it
13:26 – Jonathan covers his barista stories that he’s read in Starbucks
17:04 – Seth: “I hope you’re losing your mind right now because I’m losing my mind because there’s a camera here.”
23:33 – Jah’s microphone is as Bob Barker as he’s ever gotten. Seth’s traditional microphone pose, standing up all nervous-like. Jah’s pose is just kicking it casual
24:45 – Seth: “What is that enormous thing that used to stand next to my computer?” Jah: “The computer.” Seth: “But what’s that thing?” Jah: “The monitor.”
25:20 – Jah randomly: “Can you see my cock in these, because there’s a hole in these jeans.”
27:46 – Rambo’s full name is Jonathan James Rambo, so Seth is now going to start referring to Jah as either Fuckman or Rambo.
0:49 – Seth hands Jonathan a serrated knife that he says he will bring to Rambo, ask for his ticket and put it to the girl’s neck. Seth: “If I get arrested with that knife at John Rambo will you bail me out?” Jah: “Yes.”
1:32 – UYD listeners send S & J a menu from Pizza Factory – a huge chain in Korea that’s not really pizza.
2:53 – Jonathan makes it lain with some Asian funny money sent by UYD listeners
8:26 – Seth used to not care what he looked like while doing the show and now he has to look good. “What do you think people are going to say, like these dudes look like assholes.” Jah: “They’ll be like, I wanna fuck you guys.”
17:04 – Jonathan tells Seth that ever since he started smoking at age 11, he doesn’t start smoking until the sun goes down. Seth’s response: “Gay.”
17:30 – Thanks to the video capabilities, Jah reveals a horrendous pit stain that is probably due to the nervousness of the vidcast.
18:13 – After watching American Idol, Seth ponders the fact that there are females between ages of 16-25 that legitimately think they can sing. What are they thinking? Jah: “I believe that the way that they decipher the audio world is fucked up. It’s either a hiccup in the brain or they are completely delusional because of the shit they’ve been fed their whole life.”
19:43 – The UYD cameraman drops the camera and gets laughed at by Jonathan
21:26 – Jah calls for an official Seth Romatelli moonwalk, but Seth says he’ll do it in Episode 1000 with Macaulay Caulkin
27:51 – Seth and Jonathan were going to do a 5-hour show but opted to instead do a show that was twisted a touch technologically. Show is also available in audio format. The video is a trial run to see if they want to expand the horizons for what they do. They thank cameraman Matthew for his help.
29:30 – Dude writes a crazy negative review on iTunes for getting banned on the forums and it took their ranking down. Jah: “It’s something I can’t control because I have rogue moderators on my fucking website.”
30:09 – Seth takes us on a virtual tour of the studio. Usually there’s an ash tray next to Jah’s computer. Text, articles and index cards laid out on one of the couches, etc. Two years of their lives wrapped up into this little living room area.
31:38 – Jah is afraid he’ll look crazy and beat red and laughing too much with the video capabilities
0:29 – Jah took the 101 to get to Seth’s house tonight – coincidence? They think not.
1:26 – Show dedicated to Amir’s grandfather Tom, who passed away last week
1:51 – Shout-out to Weck for sending the minute-by-minute episodic recollection of what is Uhh Yeah Dude. Seth: “Tina Turner wrote a song about Weck. It’s called ‘Simply The Best.’”
7:43 – Seth is back to wearing his usual garb since they’re not on camera. Jah apologizes for Episode 100 because he was very nervous and since it was hot in the studio he was sweating profusely from the pit area
10:20 – Since Seth didn’t get advance screening tickets for Rambo, the full report won’t be until 102. The pocket knife, he says, will be unsheathed at certain points. Total deaths in First Blood: 1. Total deaths in First Blood Part II: 69. Total deaths in Rambo III: 132. Total number of people killed in Rambo IV: 236.
12:13 – Seth prefers a Score bar over a Heath, Jah goes with a Heath over a Score
13:40 – Jah claims Heath Ledger’s death is “tragic.”
23:54 – A modern-day phrase for the death erection: angel lust
0:00 – Ricky Gervais’ message on the UYD voicemail is played on the show. He refers to himself as “The Podfather.”
1:15 – Jah and Seth receive some gifts – Seth is wearing a Rambo t-shirt (from Bill) and a Florida pink flamingo visor. Jah is wearing a Clearwater, Florida tank top
17:21 – Jah explains the schoolyard game to Seth where you hold your index finger and thumb in a circle, and if the other person looks at it, he gets socked in the arm. If you can get your finger in the hole without the dude catching you, you get to sock him. If your finger gets caught, you get socked three times
41:01 – Nine weeks after texting “PICKUP” to 44544 (Episode 093), they texted him and said he’d be charged monthly for their service. Seth used the polar bear pickup line
46:17 – Seth declares that Jah’s mother looked beautiful at the SAG Awards
1:05:10 – Girl sends care package to UYD studio, included a letter talking about how she remembers seeing John Larroquette being interviewed on a late night talk show and wearing a Fishbone shirt and talking about how cool his son was
1:06:21 – Seth remembers how mad Jonathan’s dad got when he was talking shit about Paul McCartney. He won’t apologize for ripping on Ringo Starr, but when he was doing it he remembers thinking that his dad was going to kill him
1:08:00 – UYD made it to the front page of Featured Comedy Podcast on iTunes, a big achievement that Jonathan is stoked about
1:08:57 – Jah promises that UYD has a new website coming along with a UYD store
13:16 – Seth is attempted to abandon Obama for McCain because of McCain’s hot daughter Meghan McCain
16:34 – Jah and Seth get a grip of voicemails and e-mails about the “circle-below-the-waist” game mentioned in 102. Jah hears one explanation of it being a male-driven game that teaches young’ins not to look at friends’ crotches
40:59 – Seth wants to know if eventually his son is going to pull him aside and tell him he’s a doofus. Jah thinks it’s already happening – that instead of being irreverent they’re being pervy, creepy assholes. Jah says Episode 001 was them officially acknowledging the fact that they were no longer dope. Seth is flabbergasted by this revelation coming to him 103 episodes too late.
1:00:03 – Jah brings up the old Freedom Rock commercial with the two dudes sitting outside of a 60s VW bus, then does a spot-on impersonation of their voices
4:02 – Jah gives a shout-out to Joe and his dad John, who listen to the show together in Ione, California
20:52 – Jah is a Coke man, but his dad is a Pepsi man – at the end of the day he’s a Barq’s man
34:50 – Seth feels that no one should swim ever. He’s never gone to the beach and never will, and showers with shoes. Jah thinks Aquasocks need to be the new throwback
37:32 – Jah is holding an iced venti quad soy vanilla latte (four shots of espresso instead of three)
39:58 –Seth talks about his love for Papermate Flare Pen: “It’s like a Sharpie on training wheels.” Jah uses it to create his old tag: CENST with 1ER underneath it
54:12 – Seth chose not to remove himself from the mailing list of the 2008 SI Swimsuit Issue. Jah didn’t remember the edition being so jam-packed with girls, and says there’s some cute girls in it
55:16 – Seth says both Project Runway and America’s Top Model are strictly-women shows, but Jah argues that Project Runway is for anyone who respects fashion
1:06:37 – Jah and Seth pull a dope move on the listeners by Seth speaking into our left ear and Jah whispering into our right ear
0:41 – Seth and Jah kick a sweet beatbox vibe
2:27 – Jah gave up Phish for lent
5:31 – Seth is pumped for the Mega Millions getting up to $270 million. Seth says he would donate half of it to charity if he won. He has no idea what he would do with the rest of it. Jah would buy Seth a TV, lease him a Cadillac, then pay someone to let him kill them
30:09 – Seth brings up ohemgeeitsme’s breasts
31:38 – Jah says they could be making money right now if they were stand-ups. Seth says stand-up is a beast that not many people can tame. In his opinion, only two men have ever tamed it – George Carlin and Chris Rock
37:23 – Seth hated the Knight Rider pilot, but liked the UYD voicemail message that said “Who needs a talking car when I have UYD plugged in?” Jah said it would’ve been dope if Vince Vaughn was playing Michael Knight and it was directed by McG
40:25 – Jah hands Seth a photograph of Jah at age 14 with his friend Brandon, wearing a Patagonia mosaic Indian print fleece; Brandon is wearing a Guatemalan hat with a Pearl Jam plaid shirt. It’s from Jah’s boarding school, VVS, in Sedona, Ariz.
0:21 – This is the UYD leap year show – 29 days in February
3:32 – People are telling Seth 2 things: 1) TV is dead and 2) Weed is the new coke
38:40 – A UYD listener (Jah can’t remember his name) is working with an post-Katrina organization down in New Orleans. He called Jah on his road trip down there
54:17 – A sun shower is when the sun is out but rain is coming down. When there’s thunder out, the phrase is that “God is bowling.” When you see the sun break from a sun shower, “The devil is beating his wife.” Seth learned this phrase from the South this week standing next to an African American man
57:03 – Jah appreciates the amount and the enthusiasm he’s gotten from all the female listeners sending him pictures of their vages on his phone, but he’s saying that now it has to stop because there’s too many. Jah says they have to be sent via snail mail to Seth
1:02:12 – Jah explains why the website is designed b/c the webmaster got married and flew coop; the site doesn’t load; they’re trying to get it back up with the new site when agent79 gets his shit together
1:03:18 – Seth brags about UYD’s Podcast Alley #12 ranking out of 3,000 comedy podcasts
1:03:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to the SUNYs that listen to UYD – listener Jared Koscinski’s entire second floor listens to UYD
1:05:01 – Seth wants to know if anyone from his alma mater, Emerson, listens to this show. He’s angry that no one from Emerson has contacted him
3:29 – Seth wonders why UYD is getting so many voicemails from Australia. Jah loved the gang of messages they got. Seth gives shout-outs to Matt and Mira and everybody on the fifth floor of a college dormitory to be named later – they couldn’t make out the name because there was a dope party going on
4:30 – Seth shouts out to the University of Mary Washington swim team, who listen to UYD during practice
6:38 – Jah can bench-press 150; Seth can bench 140
10:23 – Jah is laughing at the bodily fluids flowing from Seth’s body at the moment
19:05 and 21:07 – Seth and Jah revisit their whistle / sssmmMMOOKIN! routine with hot girls
23:43 – Seth has counted cigarette butts for 106 episodes Jah’s smoking average for the show. Jah knows what he averages – 5 cigarettes. Jah is supposed to put on a nico patch and he’s going to put it on Biffin’s Bridge
0:32 – Seth’s new handle is “Hard As Is”
1:29 – Chris’ grandmother calls the show “Oh Dude Yeah”
1:52 – Jah says he’s back on the smokes after quitting for 5 days. Seth doesn’t believe that it’s hard to quit but Jah insists it is
3:34 – Seth’s mother thinks Jah is smoking weed because it sounds like he’s taking the deepest hits; Jah explains this is because he’s using a handheld mike, spitting from the dome
26:18 – Jah explains that John Mayer is a poor man’s Dave Matthews, while Jason Mraz is a poor man’s Beck
38:04 – Jah’s friend Juliette, the lead singer for Hello Stranger, has a walk-in closet that’s a panic room
0:27 – Seth is still going by “Hard As Is”
0:59 – A couple episodes ago UYD talked about how girls can’t leave the house without being assaulted. A female listener lets Seth know about the rejection number, 1-310-495-5412, and when some dude spits his ill game at you the recording tells you the person that gave you this number doesn’t ever want to see or speak to you again
1:45 – Jah gives a thank you to his mom for having him, to Seth for having him here this evening as a guest, and to Slim Tim, who sent a package with a double-disc recording of the Jerry Garcia Band on August 7, 1977 – Jah’s birthday
16:50 – Jah is smoking a bit, but Seth says not to feel bad. He talked to a girl who took Chantix, and after smoking for 13 years she was totally cool in one month. She said that quitting cigarettes is like mourning a friend, and Seth busted up laughing in her face. Jah says it’s more like realizing how fragile sanity is: “You’re only a cunt hair away from boot heeling infant children at every turn.” Seth gave up caffeine for a while but it was never too hard to deal with. Jah said he would not do Chantix, but he might consider the hypnosis
19:59 – Longtime UYD listener Nick and his beautiful wife Heather are 8 weeks pregnant
24:46 – Shout-out to Ben Larroquette on his upcoming birthday, as well as UYD listener Tara’s 21st birthday on Wednesday
26:23 – 311’s “Amber” was Jonathan’s ringtone for when Amir would call
37:05 – Jah proposes that one reason dudes spit shitty game is because they see complete losers walking into a place with beautiful women. Jah asks dudes who listen to the show and own a pair of True Religion jeans to call him on his cell. He also asks dudes who wear Affliction t-shirts to call his cell.
39:55 – Seth asks if it’s illegal to turn left into a gas station and then faux drive by and turn back out into the street. He does it 5 times a week but Jah confirms that it is illegal
53:02 – Jah discusses laugh tracks, they have trickle-out laughters called “Fred & Ethel” where you hear the stragglers. Background noise is called “Walla Wall”
1:00:55 – Seth mentions that UYD keeps creeping up the iTunes page
1:01:24 – Jah notes that his package looks huge right now
4:25 – Seth’s dream of appearing on an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 could technically come true because the CW is planning a spin-off of the show
6:24 – Seth says the dance crew Status Quo was robbed in America’s Next Best Dance Crew because they’re African American because MTV is a racist network. Jah called the Jabberwalkies winning it from Day 1, and is happy
8:32 – Voicemail callers have requested Amir to appear as a studio guest
9:27 – Seth gives a shout-out to Patrick and Adrian in Arlington, TX. Jah thanks Patrick for busting UYD’s balls about not being involved with the Myspace page in so long
54:28 – Seth gets a call from Weck asking him to look on Jah’s dad’s IMDB page at the trivia section: Has a son who was a fan of 90s group Fishbone. Jah: “I loved Fishbone.” He explains that it came out because his dad was on Arsenio wearing a polo shirt with the Fishbone logo on it, saying they listened to the same music even though he’s getting older. Also on the page: Liked playing Super Mario Land on Game Boy between takes on Night Court. … Likes ScharffenBerger’s gourmet chocolate, etc.
1:01:29 – Jah apologizes for uploading Episode 109 on Tuesday, and appreciates people texting him and asking him where it was
1:02:14 – Seth says he’d like to get UYD back up in the top 10 of 3,000 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley, although they’re currently down to No. 22. Podcast Alley was the first thing Jah came across and thought it was the only thing you could go through to get them
0:29 – UYD is doing the show on Saturday because of life man, trials and tribulations. Jah giveth and Jah taketh away
1:44 – UYD wishes a huge Happy 21st Birthday to Brian from Brooklyn, UYD’s top field agent. He’s been to competitive eating events, jam band gatherings, a rave, a Police concert at the Meadowlands, etc.
14:20 – Jonathan lifted and frequently uses a quote he heard from REM’s Michael Stipe: “Every generation thinks they invented oral sex.”
14:47 – Jah thanks the UYD listeners who submitted their own versions of Lolcats with UYD themes on them
30:07 – Seth wonders why he can’t just call Moviefone to get movie times and not hear Tyler Perry’s Madea character talking to him. Jonathan can’t believe that Seth still calls Moviefone to get movie times, which sparks a long discussion about Seth’s technological woes. This reminds Seth of the e-mail from Seth’s favorite listener, Kat, who said “Seth’s above e-mail…” Jah clarifies that it’s not that as much as it is something that he doesn’t do, similarly to their friend Sunny Levine (new album “Love Rhino” available on iTunes), who doesn’t drive or have a driver’s license. Jonathan’s only concern with Seth not doing e-mail is that he feels he needs to stay on it, and he’s concerned that in 4 years if Seth decides he wants to be up in it, it will be like getting dropped off in the middle of Haiti. Seth reiterates that he’s listed in the book. The only people he talks to are Jonathan and his mother. He used to have a cell phone 8 months ago but had a full nervous breakdown and the phone “broke,” Jah just took Seth’s cell number out of his phone 3 weeks ago. Seth questions why people are so constantly texting and calling and Facebooking and Myspaceing (40:28)
46:05 – Seth has been on MSNBC’s Lockup Raw marathon, and describes one of the interviews with a skuzzy inmate in Kentucky: I take a bucket, and have all my people fill it up with shit and piss (Jah goes into a coughing fit at this). Then the dudes smashes a lightbulb up in a towel, pours it into the bucket, then throws it on the prison guards so the glass cuts them
1:00:35 – Jonathan wants to take the new Trojan vibrator then put UYD on it with one of the slogans
1:03:06 – Another dip in to Jah’s old tag, CENST (Episode 104)
1:03:23 – UYD gets some submissions from female listeners about crazy-ass things dudes have said to girls whilst boning down on them, first discussed last week: two girls were going down on each other in front of another dude (all drunk) and dude says “Yeah, do you like mouthing her slime?” and a little while later while fingering the one going down on the other, he says “You love this. Look at how slimy you are.” … another dude was locking eyes with the girl (“I’m doing this” eyes) while eating her out, and called her the next day and said “hey, remember when I was going down on you and staring into your eyes?” However, Jah admits that guys enjoy this when the girls lock eyes with them
21:19 – Seth discusses watching Good Morning America and reviewing the terminology that was used in the film “Valley Girl” 25 years ago and how the lingo has changed: “Tubular” is no longer used; “dweeb” is now “geek;” “rad” is now “that’s chill;” “later” is still “goodbye;” “oh my god” is now “OMG;” “KMIA” is still “KMIA;” “dude” still works; etc. … Jah then spits some So-Cal lingo: “duck” means a girl is the worst; “toy” means like a childish whack style; “whack,” “dope” and “fresh” are all still used to this day. … Jah’s understanding about “duck” was that an actual dude and his girlfriend and someone referred to the girl as a duck, then it became popular through an East Coast rap song
25:35 – Seth is outraged that his hair product, KMS Hairplay Molding Paste, costs $25 a tube. It takes an hour to prep his hair each morning
27:19 – Jah goes over his new drink at Starbucks: an iced venti soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. His old drink was a 24-ounce soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whipped cream and no fudge swirls. Seth: “And balls.”
33:15 – Seth shows Jah his appendix scar
47:20 – Jonathan and Seth talk about their disdain for feet, especially bad feet on women who tend to show them off more than they should.
1:17 – Seth tells listener Tim in England that he and his wife have permission to name their son Seth. Seth tells the listener who wants more pictures of Seth to paint his eyes that that is cool too
6:16 – Jah gives an official shoutout to the working man. He says there has been an inordinate amount of men calling the UYD voicemail who have jobs that they don’t enjoy and don’t take a phenomenal amount of brainpower. Jah thinks it’s fresh that UYD helps pass their time at work more smoothly
8:25 – Seth wishes Amir the best of luck as he will play Coachella this weekend. Jah is resentful because he won’t be joining him
35:48 – Seth wonders if it’s possible to steal somebody’s gas tank. Jah says yes but it would be a lot of work. He asks because the gas prices are killing him. He can’t imagine what it would be like if he still had his Chevy Cheyenne pickup with a double tank
38:25 – Jah hasn’t been hiking for almost a month. When he was doing it regularly he looked like Elizabeth Berkeley; now he looks like Delta Burke.
40:59 – Jah is thinking about getting another tattoo: his birthday across his knuckles, 8-7-77. He says it’s the first one he would get where everyone would see it all the time. He has 3 tattoos, all of large scale that took a long time to design by tattoo artist Jill Jordan.
42:56 – Seth got a call from a listener who informs him that in Episode 031 at the 18:43 mark, Jah lights up a cigarette for the first time on the show and says he won’t make a habit of it, yet he’s smoked every episode since. Jah laughs. Seth acknowledges that he encouraged Jah to keep doing it.
44:05 – Seth asks Jah if he’s going to be with him when he’s celebrating 6 years of sobriety. Jah says no because it’s 4-20 and he has places to be.
45:45 – Seth thinks everyone should do everything they want all the time, then goes on another rant about his sobriety misery.
1:02:35 – Seth says there’s never been more correspondence than there was this week, including Seth’s home phone, the UYD voicemail, Jah’s cell phone, Jah’s e-mail and a GRIP of UYD downloads. Jah says that if he’s not getting back to people it’s because there’s been an enormous amount of calls and texts coming in and he wants them to keep on coming
0:58 – Jonathan finally figured out how to change the voicemail. He didn’t realize that for 100+ episodes, the main voicemail message and the mailbox message were playing back-to-back so the callers had to wait through incredibly long greetings before leaving a message
18:44 – Seth ponders what’s up with Jack Johnson? Jah says that in Hawaii there’s not a bigger star or singer in the world than JJ. Jah says at best he’s utterly boring, while Seth says he’s the worst.
19:49 – Blues Traveler is playing opening night at Hollywood Park, so Seth tries to get Jah to dip back in
23:27 – Seth boldly states that UYD has the funniest, smartest listeners in the world. He thinks it’s crazy how good the stuff is. Dudes called in singing in high falsettos, some listeners sent tearjerking e-mails
31:03 – Jah admits he was breastfed. Seth says that is why he has incredible social skills and a high I.Q.
0:59 – Jah dips back in to crazy things dudes have said to ladies whilst boning down. Jah was hoping he would’ve gotten more of them by now. Male listener calls in and says his girlfriend was going down on him, he looked down at her and said “you look like a monkey,” which didn’t go over so well.
4:02 – Seth wants to be called “Gillette” from now on – not because he loves Penn & Teller, but because he’s “the best a man can get.” Jah thinks the phrase should be reserved for Seth’s lady when he’s spitting mad game
5:47 – Seth reiterates that he is a latch-key kid. Even now, when he hears a set of keys jangling, he freezes up. He still tapes a key to the bottom of his foot
13:15 – Seth ponders if kids still wrap their textbooks in grocery bags, but Jah says no. Jah also says that only poor kids used to use them and not real book covers like Jah had with an awesome Porsche on them
19:12 – Seth just did a full ball shift like a true East Coast Italian. Jah has never seen Seth do that before
30:42 – Seth faces the grim realization that his only hope right now is to get married because he is so completely out of the loop with social networking. Seth thinks old people are still able to do it without being wack, but Jah thinks it’s weird if you’re over the age of 30 and are vehemently pursuing your web presence. He says there’s some kind of creepo factor to it.
0:39 – UYD gets a grip of messages from Atlanta this week
2:07 – Jah asks anyone who might be a UYD listener and work at iTunes to call Jonathan on his cell phone. He has important questions to ask them
8:44 – UYD also got 27 calls from Portland in addition to the 40 from Atlanta. They also got 16 more calls asking how Jonathan and Seth met. Both of them remember the night but are not divulging the details of the occasion yet
9:51 – Seth says Portland is the freshest city in the country, while Baltimore is the new Austin. This leads them to the discussion of what Austin is, and what the cities’ slogans are (Keep Austin Weird, Keep Portland Queer)
10:27 – Jonathan reiterates that clean needles save lives. Seth: “It’s true. And loud pipes save lives.”
34:12 – Continuing the segment of shitty things dudes have said to girls while boning down on them: “Come on, shut up and just hop on it!” … “I wish you had a ’70s bush. Don’t shave for a while.”
2:19 – Seth requests 2 more things he doesn’t want to see any more videos about: 1) Mentos & Diet Coke, and 2) Toddlers being videotaped smoking weed
7:53 – Jonathan’s mom just texted him: GIVE ME THOSE DATES AGAIN? AND WHERE TO? MADRID? BARCELONA? WHAT ABOUT YOUR PASSPORT? Jonathan explains that this is in reference a mini-tour that Jogger will be taking to Spain in mid-June
25:00 – Jonathan advertises his 1989 Dodge panel truck is for sale
33:49 – Seth stands in front of a mirror and looks at himself naked twice a day, as does Jonathan
43:40 – Seth reveals that he does not take elevators, which Jonathan is amazed by. He also hasn’t used a payphone since July of 1999
52:44 – Jah goes through a list of Cougar dating websites
54:58 – UYD moved up to the next row on iTunes, next to 2 other podcasts with gay themes, which Seth says could be confusing for people searching comedy podcasts: “Gay Yeah Dude.”
56:22 – Jah says there are a couple things in the works that he’s excited about bringing to the community of Uhh Yeah Dude – t-shirts in the mix that will happen soon, as well as facets of the show that are going to be expanding.
14:37 – Jonathan got a text this week that said HEY JONATHAN – ARE CROCS REALLY ALL THEY’RE CRACKED UP TO BE? Jonathan simply replied, NO
41:48 – Jah reveals that Amir is going to see the Sex and the City movie because he’s been there since the beginning. Seth, too, has seen every single episode. He defends this because he says it was his only way to figure out what women think about. He says he’s more lost now at the end of it
49:43 – Jah loves Mark Wahlberg because he has a crazy high-pitched lady voice and so does Jonathan, and he gives Jah hope in the world. “When he gets intense, his voice gets all crazy high like mine does.”
1:03:55 – Seth took his glasses off and it freaked out Jonathan because he feels like he hasn’t seen him without his glasses on in 10 years. Seth does something to make Jah crack up but noone knows what it is
0:23 – Jonathan begins the episode by cracking up at Seth about something. He says that Seth was going off before the show about how the country is freaking out about everything over the last month or so
1:59 – Seth gives a head’s up that Episode 122 will not come at its normal week, since Jah will be going to Spain for a Jogger tour
8:47 – Jah wonders if he can bring back the “Schwwwiiing!” expression from Wayne’s World whenever hot girls walk by. Seth says no because he needs to stick with the Smokin! thing because it’s his
29:34 – Jah dips back into awesome things dudes do while boning down with ladies. Jah says that eventually they’ll keep doing it until a dude hears him say one and realizes it’s him, then UYD can link them up together. A few: One dude could blow himself (Jah admits he stopped trying when he was 14) and would cum in his own mouth, balancing on his butt, bent over with legs up, and having to rock back and forth. Girl said there were a lot of noises, and while he was doing it he would look over at her expecting her to be turned on by it. Another guy would simply repeat “Your vagina feels good” over and over again in a monotone voice for the second half of sex through fruition
47:13 – Jonathan does his Christopher Walken impersonation
54:43 – Because UYD has been getting a lot of e-mails and phone calls about things being directly stolen from UYD, Seth is officially announcing that the Christmas Creep has begun as of the first week of June. Jah also confirms that people have been spotting other Andy Rooney and Craig’s List segments popping up elsewhere
58:10 – Jah receives confirmation that 7-layer burritos at Taco Bell are totally vegan by nine people. Then Jah heard something from a listener about how Taco Bell gets their tomatoes. Seth: “If you eat a banana, you’ve killed somebody.”
59:45 – Jonathan and Seth decide that since gay marriage is legal in California, they should join together in Holy matrimony. Seth: “That’s going to be crazy. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, but funny.” Jah: “You get to sort of somehow finally in your heart and mind fuse your two favorite comedians, Kevin James and Jonathan Larroquette, into one super person.”
1:02:20 – Seth thinks Jonathan read something already in the show, but he actually read it in pre-pro. Jah is surprised that Seth mistakes the context
1:04:25 – It becomes clear that Seth is getting worked up about skipping a week for Episode 122 (the week of June 23, when Jah will be overseas). Jah: “We don’t like to miss shows – well, Seth doesn’t like to miss shows. I don’t give a fuck. I would miss every other show, probably.” Seth: “I think we owe it to the people that take the time out of their lives to share with us, we owe them a new show every week of our lives. It’s the one constant we’ve all had.” He also notes that they haven’t missed a show since late ’06 (Episode 037 would have originally been posted on Oct. 30, 2006. The only other skipped week was Oct. 2, 2006, which would have originally been Episode 032)
0:45 – Since the Boston Celtics are playing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, Seth and Jonathan have a wager going – if the Lakers win, Seth has to give Jah a Boston Crème Pie, and if the Celtics win, Jah has to give Seth sushi
9:11 – Seth reminds the listeners that Episode 122 will be put on hold for a week as Jah goes to Spain
11:56 – Jah doesn’t like it when people say “ladies and germs…”
14:05 – Jah was talking to high school senior David from Wisconsin about girl troubles. He wanted to ask a girl out, they sent some texts back and forth. It’s been backburnered for the time being but he expects an update in the next few weeks
52:34 – More crazy things dudes have said whilst boning down. Guy and a girl were in a casual sex relationship, the girl was falling asleep and he asked her to suck him before she went to bed, she said no half asleep, then realizes he has pulled a knife from between his mattress and box spring and is holding it up to her tit. She got up, got dressed and left. Jah thinks the dude had half boner rage and half rape fantasy
59:55 – Jah still can’t wrap his head around the show and how people listen to it and support it. It makes him so happy, along with the texting and calling. He encourages people to write reviews for the show on iTunes. Seth: “In February of ’06, Jonathan drove over here, sat in the same seat he was sitting it, smoked the same type of cigarette (not true – Jah is switching from Parliaments to American Spirits, which take 45 minutes to smoke), and we did Episode 001 of Uhh Yeah Dude. It’s now June of ’08 and we’re doing Episode 120.”
0:54 – Seth reminds everyone that this is the final show before sabattical – a well-deserved one-week break – UYD will be back better than ever the week of June 30
2:05 – This episode is a special dedication to the troops, especially Timothy Pegram in Afghanistan. Seth: “When you find Osama, we’ll get you the UYD shirt in early July, you’ll videotape it, make him say ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’”
8:17 – Seth and Jonathan decide that they can’t get married on Tuesday after all b/c Jah is so straight that they wouldn’t believe it – unlike Seth
13:18 – Seth admits he has never owned a pair of flip flops. He has also never gone on a blind date
20:48 – Laura was the first person to send UYD photos of her and her husband when they were kids – in their soccer uniforms at age 11
26:37 – Jah’s friend Amir got to play guitar on The Tonight Show on June 11, back up for Priscilla Ahn
0:00 – UYD returns after a 2-week hiatus with Jonathan in Europe. Jonathan claims at 1:48 that his trip was awesome
1:31 – Seth eats a toffifee that the Darlingtons brought back from Europe. Jah says he can’t have one b/c he is a vegan, but he has a celebratory one anyway and apologizes.
11:10 – Seth is featured on a myriad of clips on YouTube ripped by 55INCH, chronicling Seth’s commercial spots that Seth calls “thanks for nothing, Hollywood.” “My 10-year acting career has been boiled down to 8 minutes.” Seth appears in the clips as a cowboy, a drunk high school student, a young entrepreneur, a family man, a computer hipster, a snowboarder
26:55 – Seth says Jah’s birthday is going to be off the chain, but Jah says it’s going to be depressing. Amir’s birthday is Sunday
57:41 – Jah dedicates this show to his friend Natasha Schneider who passed away yesterday. She was sick for a while before passing. His heart and thoughts go out to her and her husband
59:44 – Jah says Spain was amazing, but he doesn’t need to go back to Switzerland anytime soon
1:34 – Following the 2-week UYD break, it appears that Uhh Yeah Dude has fallen off the front page of Featured Comedy Podcasts. Seth predicts they will be back.
13:55 – A listener sent Jah an e-mail today and it dawned on him that the person was right: the term “Booty Call” is in dire need of being phased out b/c everyone still uses it and it’s wicked old. Nobody really likes the term. In Urban Dictionary, “booty call” was defined in Dec. 28, 2005. Definition: a late-night summons often made via telephone to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad-hoc basis.
22:32 – Jonathan wears Guerlain Heritage cologne, which is giving away a big man secret. He has others but won’t reveal them. Seth decides he will have to get a cologne for himself.
0:37 – Seth reveals that they are doing this episode with video cameras in the studio and neither of them are holding mics. They’re going wireless.
1:31 – Someone asked Seth if he dressed to the left or to the right, and he didn’t know what it meant. Jah says it means which side you put your dong on
5:46 – A new design for peanut butter has a twist-off on both ends so you can never get to the bottom of it. Jah’s idea was to make a billion dollars with a cylindrical Lucite item, a circle threaded into the top and bottom are a ketchup bottle and a phlange. The idea was borne out of people at restaurants having to empty bottles into a big container. Jah’s idea was to screw it in, and as the oxygen was getting pushed in it was getting pushed out of a carb valve in the end. He had the patent drawn up but was sitting in Swingers one night and watched a girl grab 5 bottles, go up to a vat, pour it in and fill up new bottles. His bubble was burst
7:58 – Jah says that there’s eight dudes in the room that they haven’t acknowledged once
48:14 – Jah hasn’t received a field sobriety test in years. He also once had weed in his car and gave the cop an expired recommendation, but his hair looked so good that the cop gave him a week and said “go home.”
1:00:09 – Jah apologizes for his lack of mobility and enthusiasm because his back is killing him
0:33 – UYD follows up on the cameras in the studio and tells us there will be a few clips up on the Myspace page and on YouTube. They are indeed filming again tonight
26:40 – At this point in the show Jah saw two of the cameramen look at each other and acknowledged that his pits were crazy fuego right now. He asks for a super close-up on the pits. He claims that because he’s a hippie he wears crazy deodorant that doesn’t prevent perspiration, it just perpetuates the sweat
31:43 – UYD got a message from a female busdriver in Pittsburgh, PA, and she doesn’t think she’s the target audience but she loves it just the same
56:23 – Jah has a theory that before the Depression in the 20s, dudes would jerk off a much more classy way, but then in the Depression it became a more angry and fevered “Soup Kitchen Jerk”
1:40 – This week’s show and every week in August, UYD is being sponsored by Entourage and HBO. Season 5 premieres Sunday, Sept. 7 on HBO.
3:56 – The iPod generation doesn’t know any words to any songs because they don’t have LP or CD booklets to read the words in
6:14 – Five short minutes after announcing Entourage as a sponsor, Jah admits to not knowing who Vinny Chase, the main character of the show, is
19:00 – This is Jah’s birthday week. Jah will be 31 years old on August 7
24:40 – Jah wonders how the pits are doing in this episode, but Seth says they’re not as bad as the previous week
28:57 – Seth reiterates that there are several people in the studio – 10 balls to be exact. “Do the math.”
57:43 – Jah doesn’t want to take the tone down, but tells us about UYD listener Kylie, an 18-year-old undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. Two days a week she goes in for 4 hours to get treatment. She had a chemo partner who sat in the room with her, a 65-year-old named Bob. Kylie was listening to the show one day and Bob asked her what she was listening to, and she split the headphones so they could both listen. Kylie wrote Jonathan last night to inform him that Bob passed away the night before. Bob had mentioned how happy he was to start listening to the show, and called it a “Radio Box Show” and was happy to listen to it and laugh while in quite a bit of pain. Jah dedicates the show to them and thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever encountered in his life.
1:02:25 – Seth is in disbelief that the show has already eclipsed an hour
0:32 – Today is Jonathan’s birthday.
0:40 – Entourage and HBO are sponsoring Uhh Yeah Dude this week
1:58 – As of midnight the night before, Jah has not smoked and is not smoking on the show for the first time in a long time. He wants to not smoke for a while, if possible.
2:42 – Jah is stunned by the amount of birthday text messages he got from people who listen to the show
9:09 – Seth recommends getting on back-to-school shopping since it starts in three weeks. Jonathan recommends the same store as always, Miller’s Outpost
16:27 – Jah begins cracking up at Seth’s impression of a dude at a convenience store ordering a Snickers Charge, some Newports, a Playgirl and matches and can’t stop himself until 17:06, saying Seth is “really funny”
41:10 – Jah is laughing so hard that he begs Seth to stop being funny
48:16 – Jah declares this is maybe the best birthday he’s ever had in his life
1:36 – Jah outs Seth and the fact that his outgoing message tells people about the season premiere of Entourage.
2:17 – Seth wondered if they ever decided if “Gillette – the best a man can get” is supposed to be targeted toward a male or female. Jah thought it should have been for a man. Seth wants to say it to a dimepiece in the club
50:14 – Jah thanks listeners for the feedback about microphones, sound quality, videos, and asks for thoughts on Entourage sponsorship and that listeners will post the YouTube videos on their own sites
53:01 – Jonathan and Seth declare they will be interviewed on the Mike O’Meara Show on WJFK in Washington DC on Monday, Aug. 18 at 5:30 p.m. Seth wonders if he’ll be able to talk for 15 minutes and not drop an F-bomb
0:46 – Jah reiterates that the show is being sponsored by Entourage
5:20 – Seth reveals that he’s drinking Diet Sunkist, and that when you drink 1 you drink 100. Jah says it’s one of the most revolting things he could conceive drinking. Seth says all he needs is a wheatgrass shot and a Diet Sunkist to make it through the day
14:01 – Seth asks how you text something to the wrong person, and Jah explains it
22:22 – Seth sees a woman on TV saying she ate a catfood sandwich while she was sleepeating at night
56:51 – Seth says all the college kids do is play beer pong
59:15 – Jah sings some Aaron Neville
9:57 – Jah got a new Blackberry this week
28:13 – Jah thinks that if Seth made something that allowed you to jerk off while watching pornography and playing Guitar Hero, Seth would be the richest man alive
28:43 – Jah heard a rumor that he would love to know is true. A guy he wound up in a recording studio with several years ago told him about listening to a tape of Elvis Presley in a studio with The Colonel (Tom Parker) played by Pat Hingle in Elvis and the Beauty Queen, a movie of the week. In the studio Elvis liked to be on the board and play with the fader, and Elvis would have the Colonel write a check to people. At one point Elvis in the studio said “Somebody take the fader, take the fader!” then fell back on the couch and said “Somebody write somebody a check!”
58:30 – Jonathan provides a little factoid about the Culver Hotel next to the Culver 12: John Wayne owned it, and gained ownership of it through Charlie Chaplin who lost it to him in a poker game. Jah: “Why isn’t life like, awesome like that anymore? Can we make life awesome like that again? The problem is there’s no really cool rich people anymore. They’re all wack.”
1:04:35 – Seth went on to podcastalley.com recently, and read a comment where someone wondered why UYD was only ranked 42nd. Seth thinks 42 is pretty good considering there’s about 50,000 podcasts in the system
1:06:14 – Seth invites everyone to visit the UYD studio and get tickets by calling 888-842-2357
1:04 – Jah is smirking at Seth’s sweatshirt, which is an old school 1977 Dallas Cowboys rigout to celebrate the beginning of the 2008 season
4:48 – Seth ponders who Cheech & Chong are, and Jonathan is forced to explain their history in comedy with marijuana-themed movies. Seth claims he’s never heard of these two guys.
11:32 – It’s getting a little hot in the UYD studio. There was some serious music playing next door and they had to close the window, making it steamy in the sausage fest studio
13:42 – Seth brings in his 1987 eighth grade yearbook from Dustin Hunking Middle School in Haverhill, MA, to prove his claims from Episode 130 (56:39) that he was voted “Cutest” in the superlative awards (He shared it with Todd Treffrey). He was also voted “Biggest Flirt” with Peter Martellucci and “Best Personality” with David Thistlewood and “Most Popular” with Jack Barone and “Most Outgoing.” Unfortunately, he also won “Shortest,” sharing it with Eric Carmier (a.k.a. “Slooch”), which took away from his game a little bit. He also shows his picture with the two collared shirts. Jah says Seth is extremely short in the pictures. He also shows the picture from the Eighth Grade Talent Show, which features Seth and his boys as “The Hunkstie Boys” seeing “Paul Revere.” (Episode 078, 8:14)
17:44 – Seth wonders where Jah escaped to, but Jah is getting a glass of water from the kitchen. Seth’s not cool with Jah using one of his coffee mugs for the water. Seth has one fork, one spoon and 50 mugs in the kitchen.
20:00 – Jah got a new phone and wishes he had his old one back. Seth says Jah was on it all the time. Jah hasn’t gotten used to the new one yet; he still gets a lot of calls and texts on it from UYD listeners
30:25 – Seth has a birthday coming up and is wondering what Jah will get him. Jah thinks he will get linked with something that will change his daily life
36:43 – Jah tells a joke about a kid being abducted by a predator that falls flat in the studio. Kid picks up a welder’s mask lying by the side of the street, man lures him in with candy and sodas. Man asks him if he knows what words like fellatio, anal sex and homosexual mean, then the kid says, “Listen mister I gotta level with you, I’m not a welder.” Seth, after a long pause: “I don’t get it.” Jah has to explain
52:55 – Seth asks for a Saudi sheikh to listen to UYD, drive to 466 N. Hobart Blvd. in a crazy Bentley, throw Seth the keys and say “I direct-deposited $50 million into your account. Have a great year. Uhh Yeah Dude!” and then drive away with oil spilling all over Hobart.
57:20 – Seth and Jonathan talk about how they agreed that they would stop at 262 episodes. They have officially reached their halfway mark with 131.
0:34 – UYD makes the executive decision to throw everybody out of the studio. No cameras, no wireless microphones because Seth says they’ve lost an intimacy in the last 8 weeks
9:05 – Seth’s home phone rings in the middle of the episode and Seth can’t believe he forgot to turn the ringer off. “Is that rude? Where I come from people don’t call after 9:00.”
11:29 – Seth wonders if people actually enjoy eating KFC
1:05:53 – UYD got a voicemail message from a blind listener in Arizona. He was in the mall and a dude tried to jack his wallet, which was attached by a chain. The guy said he was trying to get a look at the chain. When the blind man told security they threw him out, not the would-be burglar.
5:43 – Jah is getting overwhelmed on his Blackberry, it’s an influx of people talking about the show, typing comments into the UYD webpage which go to his Blackberry, UYD’s Gmail goes to his Blackberry and day-to-day life. He wonders if it would benefit him and the listeners to have everything into one form of technology that he can go to
12:28 – Seth ponders why people say the phrase “Where do you stay?” instead of “Where do you live?” Jah says it happens to him because he’s essentially homeless
46:48 – We hear Jah’s marijuana pipe that has fallen to the floor. Jah denies it but it’s true.
1:06:25 – Jah wishes Seth an early happy birthday in advance of his 35th birthday, Sept. 20. As Seth reminisces about the birth, Jah does a background “Happy Birthday” song and wraps up as Seth talks about his first boner.
38:27 – Seth reminds Jah that Mike Seaver’s best friend in Growing Pains was named Boner Stabone, and his father’s name was Sylvester Stabone
41:08 – Seth reads something from Playboy that says “What Kind of Man Reads Playboy?” It describes the reader as a young man to a direct course to success, perhaps a college man studying oceanography or architecture. “Either way, he finds way to relax with a pretty companion, as well as his favorite magazine.” Seth reiterates that as long as Hef walks this earth he will continue to buy his magazine. He also wonders when he will get to go to the Playboy Mansion
21:23 – Jah apologizes because he’s been swamped the past couple weeks with texts, calls and e-mails, and asks people that if it’s a pressing issue to re-send to him. He said he’s not getting any help because his intern is going through personal issues of his own.
31:00 – Seth mentions that UYD has a blind listener who isn’t protesting anything, although he was protesting when they threw him out of a mall in Arizona (Episode 132). Jah feels bad for alienating their one blind listener and all of their deaf listeners. Jah estimates that UYD has 700 deaf listeners
37:29 – Seth hears that there’s a lot of sugar in kid’s cereals, and that a way to combat that is to take a bowl and put half sugar cereal and half sweet cereal. Seth thinks that instead of placating your spoiled brat child with half a bowl of Honey Smacks and half a bowl of Cheerios, stick their head in the bowl of Cheerios and make them eat it. When Seth was a kid his mom wouldn’t let him have a cereal if sugar was listed within the first four ingredients. Jah wasn’t allowed to have those either
39:29 – Jah and Seth can’t believe how hot it is in the studio, especially since it’s October and it’s 95 degrees.
52:18 – Seth says there’s no worse panic attack than seeing dudes perform a capella
56:22 – Seth wonders what it would be like to get the three unaired UYD episodes and listen to them while drinking absinthe.
57:26 – Jah was thinking about what it would be like to buy a pair of Crocs today in a weird color and put them away… how many years would it take to pull them out in front of somebody and dangle them out to where the person goes “I completely forgot about those!”
59:48 – Jah promises to find a way of posting a photo of Seth from when he was a child – his mom sent it to the studio wearing a Cowboys shirt
5:21 – When you’re brushing your teeth and washing your hands, Seth informs us that you’re supposed to sing “Happy Birthday” twice
6:56 – Jah reiterates that they did not know the name of the “Nailin’ Paylin” movie from Larry Flynt. Since Quarantine is coming out, Jah says the porn name should be “Pornin’ Teens”
10:32 – Seth asks about the feature on the cell phone that you can press “Ignore” when someone calls. Jah says they know you do this because it automatically routs to voicemail, and thinks it should be changed so they don’t know that
23:35 – Jah lets everyone know that his Facebook page is real, although he is not at the controls of it. He said there is stuff being set up for it over the next few days but it will ultimately be him in control of it
36:13 – Jah thinks he should start saying “Well howdy there Kemosabe” instead of “Smmmokin!!!”
1:03:20 – UYD friend of the show John in Japan got a tattoo on his birthday that Jah thinks is the best tat ever – a tattoo that says UYD: DEAL WITH IT
3:17 – Jonathan gives his Led Zeppelin rendition of “Gotta Whole Lotta Tweens,” then does his impression of Aaron Neville singing “Whole Lotta Love”
4:52 – Seth hasn’t used a Q-Tip since UYD announced that they’re harmful to your ears (Episode 131, 8:53). He wonders if any other UYD listeners stopped using them as well
11:37 – VH1 did the Top 100 Hip-Hop Songs of All Time. Public Enemy’s “Fight The Power” was No. 1. Seth had a dispute with this because he expected Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock’s “It Takes Two” to be way near the top, but it was rated #37. He was mad that “Tha Crossroads” and “Gold Digger” were ranked higher. #2 was “Rapper’s Delight”, #3 was “Nothin’ But A G Thang”, #4 is “Walk This Way”, #5 is “The Message”, #6 is “Straight Outta Compton”, #7 is “Juicy”, #8 is “Gin and Juice”, #9 is “Push It” and #10 is “The Brakes”
25:32 – Seth is wondering what is going on in the back of Jah’s head. Jah is currently twiddling his hair, so it’s created a thick coating going back to the bookshelf. Jah admits that when he twists it, it goes into a horn shape
47:22 – Seth sees a segmen on CNN about a man named “Dave” at a gas station in Portland, who randomly picked a car and told them he’d pay for their gas. All he asked of them was that they “pay it forward.” Seth claims that he managed to use that phrase in like 12 different variations
49:03 – Jah asks that Facebook users would stop “Superpoking” him, because he doesn’t know what it is. He also doesn’t want to be a part of anyone’s Mafia gang or anything else
53:57 – Jah promises some more UYD stuff in the works, including t-shirts, clips on YouTube, etc.
1:02:10 – Seth wants to call Jah “Double R, Double T,” which eventually gets trimmed down to “R2 T2”
1:02:34 – Seth and Jah dip back into the “Kemosabe, whistle, smmmoookin” cat calls
1:05:18 – Jah takes us out with one more hit from his upcoming Aaron Neville/Robert Plant album with “Stairway to Heaven”
0:06 – Jah starts this episode off similarly to Episode 035, when they made fun of crazy podcast intros. Crazy voice distortions at 0:31, 0:44, 0:51 and 2:21 reinforce this
0:18 – Seth informs us that this episode is being sponsored by HBO and its new show “Summer Heights High”
23:51 – Jah thanks Q and Melissa in Tacoma, Washington. They are newlyweds, and their friend Graham turned them on to the show. They made a set of UYD decals that are available on Café Press – Jah’s mom put one on her car
31:47 – Jah says Seth has caused a Q-tip craze with his news report from Episode 131 and his updated from 137 saying he stopped using them. Seth got a message from someone who said his grandma said “never put anything smaller than an elbow in your ear.”
33:28 – Jah talks about Aaron Neville’s rendition of “Silent Night” and proceeds to give us a taste of that track
40:44 – UYD now has its own YouTube channel, youtube.com/uhhyeahdude. The videos will continue to be transferred from The Service Company to YouTube, including old episodes that were filmed that listeners didn’t know about. Jah requests that people should go to the videos and embed them in your Facebook and Myspace pages and subscribe to the channel. Jah also says next week he will give details about where to go on the internet to place orders for UYD t-shirts
0:08 – Jah starts speaking in crazy Crypt Keeper voice that scares the shit out of Seth
0:33 – Seth reiterates the sponsorship of UYD by HBO’s Summer Heights High. Every time Seth and Jah discuss the show Jah refers to it as Michael Keaton’s 1990 thriller “Pacific Heights.”
2:28 – Jah’s friend Dan went to a Summer Heights High premiere party this last weekend and reported that it was very funny
8:20 – Jonathan is drinking an alcoholic beverage tonight. Seth says he drank about a quarter of a 40-ounce Olde English into, then poured a Bartles & James strawberry daiquiri into the OE, which was his rendition of a “Green Machine” recipe given to him from Sonny Levine.
24:42 – Amir observed that on the Xtenz infomercial (first mentioned in Episode 062, 44:46), they got several Eastern European representatives to get paid to say “It got bigger!”
28:57 – The sound cuts out of UYD for about 4 seconds
40:51 – Jah wants to come up with a name for his drink (OE 800 and B&J strawberry daiquiri). Jah settles on “Old Knob Slob.”
56:50 – While making fun of Sarah Palin’s “Joe the Plumber” analogies, Jah comes up with one: “Schneer the Ventriloquist.” He then comes up with another non-name that’s almost a name at 57:59: “Letern at iTunes.” Seth: “Uhh Yeah Dude. Hey this is Letern.” Jah: “And I’m Schneer.” Seth: “Downright Talking with Schneer and Letern.”
0:52 – This episode is again being sponsored by HBO and its new series “Summer Heights High.” Jah and Seth got to watch three episodes of the eight that they received and thought it was hilarious
3:23 – Seth is wearing an Operation Desert Storm t-shirt that Jonathan declares as top-notch
30:43 – In addition to the early Christmas gift Seth got Jonathan, Season 5 of Girlfriends, Seth got Jah another Jahnika present – the complete series, 33 discs, 86 episodes of The Sopranos – it only costs $400
33:00 – Jonathan again promises that there are UYD t-shirts coming (first mentioned in Episode 075). There will be 2 designs in the initial run, one of them being the seatbelt design and the other being the hairy logo on the website mockup. The t-shirts are Alternative Apparel organics, and can go from XXS to XXL
37:39 – Jah announces the new YouTube page for UYD, youtube.com/uhhyeahdude.
0:26 – This episode is once again being brought to us by HBO’s Summer Heights High, which premiered Sunday, Nov. 9
1:18 – Jonathan introduces us to a new term, brocabulary, from a newly released manifesto about dude talk. Here are some terms: friendjamins - $100 bills lent to bros; brostalgia – nostalgia for something you did with your bros; wintercourse – intercourse that occurs during winter; guybernation – spending alone time, a.k.a. pulling a Henry David Thobro; testosterzone – a place men gather to be with other men; chilliards – billiards while chilling with the bros; fellabrating a birthday or a breakup with the bros; brocrastination – killing time with your bros; prebauchery – the bro party before the party; alcopal – a bro you primarily down cold ones with; broverdose – too much time with one of your dogs; hommitment – a date that keeps you from hanging out with the bros; alcofall – a tumble while drinking. At 8:14, Jah requests more brocabulary on this show
27:54 – Someone keeps leaving Seth voicemails while singing the entire Pearl Jam catalog over the course of five months
47:21 – Jah tells us that “flashing your badge” is when a girl bends over and shows you her back-vag
47:48 – More brocabulary: punxatawney jill – a girl out at the bar who is the first one to wear inappropriate-for-winter attire before the spring is officially here
0:42 – The next Friday we will see is Black Friday. Seth has already made plans to sleep over at Jonathan’s dad’s house the night before. They’ll probably hit up the American Girl store after John makes them flapjacks at 4 a.m. Seth will “hit a Circuit City like nobody’s fuckin’ business.”
1:38 – More brocabulary this week: marriagonce – the arrogance from a newly married man; pourizontal – standing or sitting so someone can pour a can of beer in your mouth; cerebro – the bro who does the thinking for you; ESPNvy – a chick’s jealousy over your love for ESPN Sportscenter; PMScalate – a woman escalating an argument because of her PMS; guynamic – the dynamic between bros; stalkward – awkwardness that arises when trying to avoid a girl who keeps calling you; guyamese twins – two bros who are inseparable; dudanym – a name only your bros call you; felladrama – drama between homies
5:39 – Jah wonders if, as the Christmas Creep has each year gotten further and further pushed back, Black Friday’s importance has been tapered
6:35 – For the first time in a long time, Seth tells us that a place where he’s not being gouged is at the pump. Jah says it feels like high school again
41:53 – Jah updates us on UYD t-shirts. He got a good idea on who needs what in preparation of online ordering
54:58 – Seth has asked for people to stop hitting kids and then he asked for them to stop getting them stoned. Now people are letting kids fight each other. Some sites: Tiny Brawlers, Toddler Fights, etc.
0:24 – Jonathan proclaims that this is “Straight Lampin’ With Schneer & Letern.”
4:00 – Jah got a firsthand report of a concert that went down last night in the San Diego area – New Kids On The Block. At this point Seth doesn’t know anymore what is cool, ironic, futuristic, robotic or stale. He’s just lampin’ all the time and doesn’t know what is going on. He can’t tell the difference between MGMT and NKOTB and Pearl Jam and leggings and plaid shirts, etc.
15:48 – Seth says UYD received a voicemail for J-Dog, where the caller said he was up in Café Dumond thinking about him – a place where Jah used to go on Thanksgiving Day and write works
41:54 – This Thursday will be Thanksgiving, during which Seth and Jah have to get downtown early to serve food to homeless people at the House of Blues – where they will be giving an interview to ZZZlist.com. They’re looking forward to some homemade guacamole made by John Larroquette, and are expecting Ben Larroquette (Jah’s brother) to cook the meal since Jah’s mom will not be there.
1:30 – Seth says that 144 episodes is 6 full days worth of episodes, so he suggests downloading everything, doing a full six-day listen and then resting on Sunday
2:28 – Seth asks Jah if he would like to date an Asian beauty, then reads an ad promoting a service to date Asians. “Call Yan today. Yan’s Asian American Matchmaking”
4:04 – Jah apologizes to UYD Nation for the extreme delay in the UYD t-shirts. He claims there is a long postponement with Alternative Apparel due to an injury to the female he was dealing with. He was pushing to have them available by Christmas, which he doubts will happen
9:04 – More brocabulary: If a bunch of bros are broing out and having an awesome time, there’s no reason one of the bros wouldn’t get a broner.
20:45 – Seth is practicing the Mystery Method on the show and throws a neg out: “Is your hair supposed to look like that?” Jah thinks it’s directed toward him and says “It does it sometimes if I twiddle it.”
57:26 – Jah asks if it feels at all like Christmastime to Seth, because it feels so unlike Christmas to Jonathan right now. Seth is slightly feeling it. Jah thinks it’s weird that Seth will not be spending Christmastime with the Larroquettes b/c Seth’s going home to Boston. Most every other year Seth had been with him, except for 2007 when Seth’s mom came to visit LA
0:12 – It’s 11:11 p.m., so Jah asks Seth to make a wish. Seth says it just came true
19:18 – Brocabulary: broa constrictor – a bro who loves to hug and be really touchy. Jah thinks he might be one, and Amir would put him in that category
34:44 – Seth feels like he’s practically being paid to get gas
15:38 – Jah is having a tough time believing Christmas is less than a week away. He feels it much less than any other year
54:24 – Jonathan and Seth recently gave a couple interviews about UYD: the first is on Ro Hurley’s site zzzlist.com (Click Celebs and they’re on the interview page) done Thanksgiving Day at the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip, and another interview was conducted by East Coaster Patrick for his website, Robot Bites Man (click on photo on homepage and go to RBM x UYD interview)
1:02:53 – Seth says UYD will do one more show in 2008, which will be recorded on the day he leaves for Massachusetts to see his family
1:16 – Seth thinks Jonathan should take Seth to the airport, race home and upload the show and then have it up while Seth is in the sky
16:10 – Seth has told us about the 5 Ls (Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning in Los Angeles), but he needs to tell us about the 7 Ps (Proper Prior Planning Prevents a Piss-Poor Performance)
17:56 – Jah calculates that if they’re doing 50 episodes per year that UYD will get to 300 episodes before the Mayan Calendar will run out
25:23 – Seth is flabbergasted at how quiet Priuses are. He was up at Whole Foods and he saw a Prius inches away from hitting his calves and he didn’t know it was behind him because it was so quiet. Jah says you can buy an exhaust sound to go with them that senses when they’re accelerating
51:19 – Jah wonders how intoxicated someone is at .20 BAC, but Seth says no way – anyone blowing a .08 wouldn’t even feel slightly inebriated. Seth thinks it would take 15 beers to be swerving off the road. Seth knows there’s been some times when he’s driven drunk and knew he shouldn’t have been and was like “Let’s get the hands on here.” Jonathan says it’s such an avoidable thing to do, so don’t do it
53:02 – Seth reiterates that he won’t end his Playboy subscription until Hugh Hefner dies. He heard that Hef’s daughter, Christine, the CEO of Playboy, is stepping down next month, so he wonders if that counts. Jah thinks Christine revived the magazine because she let the models start showing pink. Seth thinks that’s Jah’s steez. Seth is also still waiting for his first playmate born in the 90s, which he thought would happen in ’08 but guesses he’ll have to wait until ‘09
1:02:16 – Jah adores the listeners and is so happy this is still going on. He thanks them for continuing to listen, call, e-mail, Myspace, Facebook and everything else. “You guys have made this year—as wack as it was—so dope.”
1:03:43 – Jah thinks UYD needs to keep saying “2006 for life” because they don’t know how to change it on the voicemail greeting
8:00 – Jah wonders is Seth is going to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop starring Kevin James. Seth promises he will see that and Notorious when they both come out on Jan. 16
32:33 – Jonathan’s never been on a cruise. There’s a part of Jah that’s pseudo-interested in taking one, but his fear is that he’ll be in the middle of the ocean and have a full-fledged panic attack
46:40 – Seth has a full panic attack while watching a segment on 20/20 about extreme moms who mother dolls. The babies are called “reborns.” One of the moms is so crazy that she takes the doll out and says “it’s my baby” and other mother is saying “oh she’s sleeping, she’s so cold.” The other mom: “It’s a doll!” They go to reborn conventions, etc. … They also feature moms breastfeeding their 6-year-old child. Jah says that if the kid is 18 years old and still being breastfed, he will pay to watch that on the internet
56:04 – Seth had some great conversations with listeners this week, and Jah received a large amount of Christmas and New Year’s texts. He doesn’t understand how everyone is so funny
1:05:42 – Seth says MTV’s Bromance with Brody Jenner was such a bad show, although it was funny when they all got in the hot tub for elimination. The gay dude quit because he thought he was going to be on The Hills
1:07:21 – Jah gives us another URL to go to – the web address to end all web addresses – uhhyeahdude.com, which he implies will be up and running (it’s not)
2:33 – Jah wonders how many people are named Binaca in the world after the fresh breath spray. Jah says he used to carry Binaca and Seth ponders if one can still purchase that
9:26 – On 60 Minutes, neuroscientists are laying people in CAT scans and showing them images of hammer, barn, igloo, cocaine, bees, dildos, and watching the peoples’ brains when they see the images. They can then have the person think about the certain image and they can tell what they’re thinking about because that part of the brain lights up.
15:39 – UYD is pitching two shows to networks. One is called “So You Think You’re Alive,” an existential reality/discussion show they’re trying to sell to Nova, and then “So You Think You Can Eat,” a competitive eating reality show for Food Network hosted by Dom DeLouise and Kobayashi
22:37 – Seth thinks they should have their own show called “Herda Hadda Herda” where they go into the Halla and just herda-hadda-herda
28:27 – Jah thinks we should lower the driving age to 11, but Seth thinks we should lower the drinking age to 14 and the driving age to 13
28:42 – From now on, whenever someone asks you your age, you reply with the year you are born, and that is forever your age. Jonathan will tell people “’77,” while Seth will lyingly tell people “’84.” Jah’s newest girlfriend is “’97”
41:12 – Seth: “Hey, you get that report? I need that monthly.” Jah: “It’s not finished.” Seth: “It’s not done yet?” Jah: “Nope.” Seth: “What – what have you been up to? I thought you’ve been working on it all morning?” Jah: “Pissmops!!!” (in the same groaning speak as Bigger!! by Xtenz - Episode 062, 44:46). Seth doesn’t think Pissmops is a real website but Jah looks it up on the computer to prove it
45:17 – Jah apologizes for prematurely ejaculating talk about the website last week because there were a few setbacks but they’re super close and it’s going to be up and running any minute
52:02 – Jah has not legitimately laughed at anything for the past 5 years outside of the UYD studio, Tim and Eric’s and seeing the Ween show (Episode 091, 55:11)
59:07 – Seth’s 5 favorite words are Fuck, Man, Uhh, Yeah, Dude, Like (6)
59:39 – Jah gives us some of his old secret beeper codes he would punch in – 143 or 381 means “I love you,” 411 is needing information, 187 means you’re mad at somebody and 911 means emergency. Booty call was 80085 (“boobs”)
1:00:55 – Jah wonders how many words they’ve used on UYD. Seth recommends using Weckware and Jah says to use the Weckulator
1:01:43 – Seth’s porn name is “Bandit Kimble”
1:07:34 – For those complaining about not being able to access old episodes on iTunes, Jah needs more feedback and a solution is going to Podcast Alley and downloading them directly from there or streaming them live
1:39 – Jah thinks it’s remarkable that it’s been 150 episodes of UYD and thanks everyone for listening. He’s pretty stuffed up and apologizes
19:41 – Jah has received pictures from other people who have found the pregnancy tests at 99 Cents stores and sent them. (Episode 143, 23:50) He also received a photo of Seth’s 2-door electric blue 1993 Plymouth Sundance from another UYD listener named Tavis who lives up the block from Seth
39:00 – Jah reads a factoid titled “Strip Club Etiquette” from a periodical. What a strip club isn’t: “First, a strip club is a place to watch live naked girls disrobe. It is not a place to pick up girls or get laid. Nor is it a great place to masturbate or take a first date. The girls are there to make money, period, so if one can convince you she’ll put out to part you and copious amounts of cash, she will put in an Oscar-worthy performance to do so.” Seth calls Jah a strip club aficianado, but Jah says he’s more of an intermediary.
57:03 – Jah says that with 150 episodes up, it’s safe to see we are ultra-close to having the new UYD home up on the internet. He said Nick and Weck and Josiah and Jeff are vehemently working on different aspects of the show to put it out there on the etherweb
1:01:08 – Jah announces he’s going to put a new Jogger song on for the show outro
1:02:12 – Seth thanks the mothers of UYD for all the work they’ve done on the website, flash animations and skyping, etc.
1:03:33 – Seth admits that Simon Cowell from American Idol makes him laugh sometimes. Jah thinks Seth likes him because he’s a bastard
0:36 – Jah and Seth will be drinking Bacardi 151 all night long in honor of Episode 151. The show started late because they talked about life and love and ladies for four hours. Jah: “Ladies, what is it that you want?” They watched What Women Want but it didn’t help them answer any of these questions
1:06 – Seth and Jah announced the long-awaited return of their website, uhhyeahddude.com. Jah officially thanks a few people who were involved with the launch of the new site: Weck (Weck’s Wiki), Nick aka agent (designing the site), Josiah (UYD animation, etc., and Jeff aka 55inch (making videos, many soon to come
31:44 – Seth has a picture of a young Jonathan wearing a suit and his hair is a little long. Jah recalls they were trying to get him to cut the hair because it was touching the collar. Jah thought he was in Def Leppard in that rigout.
51:43 – Seth wonders if Jah has seen the late-night infomercials for Havasu X. 4 years of amateur video taken at the lake. It’s only $30.
1:00:37 – Jonathan brings up the original rule about calling his cell phone – you have to get a friend to subscribe to UYD before you can call him (Episode 084, 2:15)
1:01:00 – Jan announces that Jogger will be flying to Princeton University on midnight on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14. Daedelus will be playing, and Cyne will be playing as well. He invites everyone to come out to it
2:35 – Seth gives an update on the CNBC “As Seen On TV” Tournament (Supplements, Ep. 151). In the semifinals, Shamwow! beat Girls Gone Wild, Foreman Grill beat Bowflex, and Shamwow! beat Foreman Grill for the championship. Seth looked up Vince from the Shamwow! Commercial, and it turns out he made a movie in 1999 called The Underground Comedy Movie, in which he sued Anna Nicole Smith for backing out of it and he sued the Farrely brothers because he claims There’s Something About Mary stole 20 scenes from him. He’s a former scientologist who’s being sued by them, and he’s an actor who worked at Farmer’s Markets selling stuff. He owns both the Shamwow! and the Slap Chop outright; he went to Germany and asked them to make him stuff.
19:19 – While watching the Miss America pageant on TLC (hosted by Mario Lopez), Seth observes that the women wear very unsexy two-piece swimsuits and flesh-colored heels
25:09 – Jah and Seth talk about the lady who had eight kids at once, and now they’re saying she has 6 other kids in addition to those. This leads into a random discussion about Juno, where Jah has to explain what happens at the end of the movie, and Seth freaks out when Jah tells him that Bateman tried to fuck Juno. Jah: “Spoiler Alert!!!”
39:20 – Jah gets excited talking about watching MMA fighter Fedor on HBO’s most recent 24/7 feature about the fight. Jah is super down with this dude. Jah also says he has never seen another company paste their name everywhere the way that Affliction has done within the MMA world. He said every corner of the ring, every turnstile, every seat, was pasted with Affliction. Even the priest that follows Fedor around is wearing an Affliction tee. Jah thinks the word will be so inundated into the lives of babies born from 2010 on that they will all be allergic to the word “Affliction.”
54:11 – Jah doesn’t get the new celebrity dating phenomenon. He’s at a point now where he’s completely flummoxed, because he doesn’t understand where the people are who are producing this stuff, because he knows there are people who eat it up, but he doesn’t personally know any himself. He wonders what compels a person like Brad Pitt to have such a drastic life change as he did. Seth can’t wait to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because he loves seeing the previews when they show his little body
57:00 – Seth dips back into the John Quiñones-hosted show “What Would You Do?” In this week’s episode, they sent in blind people into a bakery and the guy working behind the counter would be like “Yeah, what’s up Helen Keller? Step right up.” He would then hand them incorrect change with their paper money. They also did people dropping stuff at Open Houses and then interviewing the people who would just swipe stuff
0:23 – Seth tells us that this show marks UYD’s three-year anniversary. The first show was recorded on Feb. 10, 2006.
3:06 – Jah says that above and beyond anything else, he thinks The Secret works: Ask, believe, receive. (Episode 052, 0:17)
14:05 – Jah plugs Jogger’s upcoming show on Valentine’s Day with Daedelus and Cyne at Princeton University
26:49 – Jah’s phone is dead because his dog knocked it out of his hands and into a puddle
43:38 – Seth says that the Super Bowl is still not over because they still need to play one last play. If anyone wants to know about his manifesto he will be creating his own Zeitgeist. “When there’s that many blown calls it takes me longer to sift through all of it.”
49:17 – Seth reads a guide from the AARP that includes new hip lingo and definitions. The heading: VLOG, MASHUP, OMG- CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THE KIDS’ LINGO THESE DAYS? READ OUR SICK GUIDE TO YOUNG FOLKS’ SPEAK AND YOU’LL BE TIGHT, TOTES, OBVI! Some examples: Google – to use a search engine, especially Google; IDK – I don’t know; ROFL – rolling on the floor laughing; TMI – too much information; Baby Mama – the mother of one’s children, usually not a spouse; Boo – boyfriend or girlfriend; Cupcaking – engaging in a public display of affection; Scooby Doos – good shoes; noob – a newcomber; peeps – one’s closest friends; crunk – a hip-hop genre; disco nap – a short nap before a night out clubbing; check my vitals – monitor one’s e-mail, cell phone, voicemail and other electronics; floss – to show off wealth, often in a car; rock – to manifest greatness; talk smack – to speak negatively or belittle someone often in the heat of competition; fo shizzle; obvi; the bomb – the ultimate favorite; ridonculous – beyond ridiculous; sick – extremely cool; tight – fantastic; whack – unjustifiable; and badonkadonk – an attractive derriere
0:57 – Seth wants to know if it’s Friday the 13th yet so he can spook Jah at midnight
3:14 – Seth is stoked to go see the upcoming feature film Fired Up!, about Sean and Nick, the star players on their HS football team, who decide to go to cheerleading camp instead of a double session of football camp. They’re having a great time until one of them falls for the head cheerleader, who happens to have a boyfriend. To win her over they have to prove their intentions and make up new moves before the final cheer-off.
11:30 – Seth hands something to Jah that he ripped out of a book he had, which was inscribed from one of Seth’s dad’s friends to Seth’s dad. He asks Jah to read it. The book is “Baby, That Was Rock And Roll: The Legendary Leiber and Stoller.” The inscription reads: Joey: I can dig it, they can dig it, we can dig it. Can you dig it? 12/24/79 Are you ready for the 80s?
37:06 – Jah asks Seth if he’s familiar with Singular City magazine, a hip L.A. singles magazine which Amir gets delivered to his home for some reason.
1:04:55 – Seth thanks the fine people at Sports Illustrated for their annual swimsuit edition. Jah calls it “a doozy of an ish.”
1:06:40 – In these tough economic times, Seth hopes this free podcast will enable people to have UYD Parties
1:08:24 – Seth: “What’s it like to have the shit scared out of you on Friday the 13th?”
0:34 – Jah informs us that hiccupping is when your diaphragm goes into spasms
2:07 – The only water fountains Jah has even touched in three years are the same 2 at the park where he takes his dogs. He uses them to fill up their water bowls. Sometimes he’ll give Norman some Aquafina at home, however.
3:14 – Jah and Seth just got a knock from the other apartment for being too loud because they started so late because Jah messed up with the computer. The knocking persists at 3:29.
6:30 – Seth wonders if they’re going to Mardi Gras, but they’ve decided to go to Jazz Fest this year and Mardi Gras next year. Seth has never been to one but he hopes one day he could go. Jah has been to Mardi Gras.
18:06 – Jonathan is going to Europe for some experimental therapy (really a 3 ½ week Jogger Tour with The Long Lost), and Seth announces that Episodes 157, 158 and 159 will be brought to listeners in their entirety on time – they are “The Lost Episodes” that were recorded before Episode 001 launched. UYD will be back with a fresh episode in 160. Episode 157 will be 90 minutes long, Episode 158 will be 30 minutes long and Episode 159 will be the normal 60-minute length. Seth and Jah listened to them and think they’re very interesting.
27:02 – Seth is wondering if he is supposed to believe that, according to PepsiCo., Will.I.Am is Bob Dylan? Jah likes Will.I.Am and thinks he’s a super nice guy, but thinks that shows an immense amount of disrespect to allow yourself to be compared to someone like that.
28:53 – Seth wants to know what Andy Milonakis is up to
46:21 – Jah is a fan of 50 water (Vitamin Water), but he has a problem with Crystalline Fructose, which he thinks he has a problem with – it gasses him up
47:48 – Seth says that if we listen to closely to 157, 158 and 159, we might hear a different title for these episodes
56:10 – Seth dips back into The Lost Episodes that will be forthcoming. Seth wants the listeners to take it with a grain of salt because it’s the first three times Jah and Seth turned on microphones and just spit heat.
57:19 – UYD just celebrated their 3-year anniversary, and Jah and Seth thank listeners for sending them anniversary cards and Valentine’s Day cards.
59:00 – Seth points out that the amount of UYD downloads has been really high the last couple of weeks, which is awesome.
0:14 – Jah announces this is a farewell episode. Seth says this is a podcast but it’s also like a dance.
10:31 – Seth dips back in to the issue of Pepsi comparing Will.I.Am to Bob Dylan (Episode 155, 27:02). Upon further review, Seth doesn’t even know who Will.I.Am is.
27:53 – Seth re-explains that Episode 157 will be a 90-minute episode, Episode 158 is a 30-minute episode and Episode 159 is a 60-minute episode — all test-run shows that they recorded back in 2006 prior to Episode 001 — as Jah goes on a 3-week tour in Europe with Jogger and The Long Lost. Jah and Seth hope we’re down with them because they’re interesting.
48:11 – The audio of the show appears to get completely cut off after Jah says “It’s a city!” and then resumes with a different news item.
51:00 – Seth is wondering why young girls are so slutty these days. Jah explains that the same girl that got fingered under the bleachers when they were in high school are now the girls letting dudes film them in a little porn with a camera phone.
56:52 – Seth thinks that if you get the best version of yourself in Heaven, Seth will roll in with his 1977 Chevy Cheyenne listening to UYD episodes on cassette tape while Jah has to dub them down every week.
0:00 – The recording begins with Seth saying he’s going to go to QVC to buy something. This lost episode was originally recorded on Sunday, Jan. 7, 2006.
3:55 – Seth wants Jah to perform the “Fag Test” on him right now, and Seth explains what it is (Episode 061, 49:05): You hold your wrist out, and Scott House takes a pencil and digs it onto your wrist until it punctures the skin, and if you pull your wrist away from his hand before the skin breaks, you’re a fag.
8:54 – Secret Service codes: Hilary Clinton – Evergreen; Mammy Eisenhower – Springtime.
16:33 – Seth explains that 26-inch rims are called Deuce McAllisters because Deuce wears No. 26 for the New Orleans Saints (Episode 009, 9:20).
17:50 – Jah lists off all the forms of medicine for indigestion, hearburn, stomach gas, etc. (Episode 003, 34:00).
21:54 – Jah is down with the name Preston because that’s his middle name
40:53 – Seth wonders what the name of Alan Cumming’s cologne is (Episode 073, 31:04).
57:22 – Jah goes over the Yoplait Yogurt campaign “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09)
1:04:39 – Jah gives the original name of UYD, “The Jesus & John Show.”
1:11:00 – Seth claims they technically haven’t done a show because the inaugural show is coming up. Jah doesn’t think anyone is ever going to hear this, because they just needed to hear their own gay voices to test it out.
1:27:03 – Jah and Seth decide to call it quits since they’re at 90-something minutes at 1:42 a.m. Jah: “I’m gonna stop this and we’re going to listen back to it and no one’s going to ever hear it.”
0:11 – Jah calls this “Jesus and John, Episode 2, 12:41 a.m. on Jan. 21.” This is also Jah’s mother’s birthday
6:19 – Seth wonders if he could look any more awkward the first time he’s ever been on the mic. Jah says they’re both using microphones this week.
32:54 – Seth said they didn’t have much material and they tried their best, but they were both very tired going into this recording. Jah wonders if they just started again, would it be funnier? Jah says it would be smoother, not necessarily funnier, but it would allow them to know where they’re going to go next. After Seth confirms they did 30 minutes, the show ends abruptly.
0:39 – Jah shocks us by telling us this is being recorded on March 24, 2009 – giving us a fresh episode instead of a lost episode as there had been the previous two weeks
4:45 – Questions that came up in the time since Jah has been gone: 1) The pronounciation of Tempe, Ariz.; 2) Is it middle school or junior high; 3) What’s the deal with Catnip?
10:03 – Seth is so glad Jah’s back because he appreciates the perspective on human nature, psyche, etc., that J-Dawg adds to the show’s element.
15:07 – Seth and Jah announce that they have premium quality UYD t-shirts on sale. Seth describes that it feels like your favorite t-shirt. The shirts are Alternative Earth 100% organic cotton. The design is the hair logo, created by artists/friends of the show Kozy and Dan. Jah says the information will be up soon. Jah wore one of the shirts in Europe. He thinks it’s more awkward for J-Dawg to wear it because it’s a little more obvious by the design that it’s him on the shirt. He also doesn’t know if it’s OK to wear a Jogger t-shirt since it’s his own band. J-Dawg’s dad and mom both own shirts and Jah’s mom might be handling some of the phone ordering, so they caution not to be rude as some voicemail callers can tend to be.
35:01 – Seth notes that the day Jonathan left the country, the word “twitter” started being said nonstop for three weeks and wouldn’t stop. Jah said someone texted him “Twitter is Facebook for minimalists,” which he thought was funny. When Seth told his father about that, his father got really mad at him.
50:33 – Seth tells us we might have thought we were getting the third lost episode, but they are fully back.
1:09:45 – Jah says that Daedelus and Jogger have an EP that’s out, and you can buy a t-shirt designed by Kozy and Dan and get the six-song EP for free – the EP is titled Friends of Friends.
20:02 – Jah has been out of the country for a while and he wants to know how Jimmy Fallon’s late night show is doing, which forces Seth to sit down.
28:29 – Jah wonders if the economic situation with this country is actually as bad as he thinks when he gets these random pangs inside of him.
31:48 – Seth wonders what déjà vu is, and Jah explains that it is while experiencing something, your brain misfires and tries to file something that’s supposed to be in your short-term memory into your long-term memory.
1:00:15 – Seth proposes an idea for buying UYD t-shirts: buy a t-shirt for the person who turned you on to UYD
57:55 – Jah apologizes and tells us one last time that the t-shirts are actually up this time. He claims his job is done, he has handed everything over and it is happening
1:02:26 – Seth wants to know what porn sites Jonathan would recommend, Jah says that girls go to Uporn and guys go to Pornhub. Jah says girls like to J.O. to amateur porn because it actually has the ability to arouse them vs. shitty produced porn.
1:04:14 – Seth is upset that he got dragged down into the mud for announcing the t-shirts, even though it was completely J-dawg’s fault
5:38 – Seth wants to know what’s up with English people and their shitty teeth and bad dental hygiene. Jah explains that they have free public healthcare so people don’t pay for orthodontic work
11:11 – Seth isn’t sure how you establish how two 15-year-olds are in a committed relationship. From his past experience, he would look into a beautiful woman’s eyes and they would have one malted with two straws. Seth: “I don’t know what the kids do now.” Jah: “They cum on their face.”
11:40 – Seth wants to know if it’s “yard sale” or “garage sale.” Jah says “garage sale.” Seth thinks it’s “yard sale” because he didn’t grow up with a garage. Jah throws in “rummage sale” for good measure.
46:18 – Radio ads featuring plumber Mike Diamond say “we guarantee our plumber will show up on time and smell good.” Is Seth to believe that if he thumbed through the Yellow Pages and saw a plumber who didn’t demand such par excellence, will they smell like shit?
52:26 – Jah and Seth are thankful for the influx of t-shirt orders and more are soon to be in stock – both white and black. They weren’t anticipating getting swamped with orders. They thanked everyone who donated to the show as well.
1:05:59 – Jah announces that he’s going to Coachella, and he’s going to put a condom and sunblock on before he goes
4:20 – For their next episode, Episode 164, UYD will be doing a free live show on Saturday, May 2, from 11 p.m. to midnight, at Improv Olympic West, 6366 Hollywood Blvd., at the Andy Dick Black Box Theater. You enter on Cosmo. They have a bar in the lobby, where there will be $3 Pabst Blue Ribbons. There’s no parking anywhere near the place, save for valet, so UYD suggests that you carpool
9:35 – Seth suggests that he and Jah should buy a bar and call it “Uhh Yeah Bar.” It would be more low-key with a patio to smoke, a chill bar and an overall great place to just lamp and discuss sociogeopolitical issues.
11:12 – Jah might be getting sick but that might just be because of the information he gets hit with when discussing news. Seth says that it’s perfect for him to get sick now because he’ll bounce back by the end of the week and be ready to go by Saturday night for the live show.
12:13 – Seth wants to know if Hugh Jackman is bona fide queer. Jah thinks it’s an unfair assumption just because he likes showtunes. Seth thinks it’s official because Jackman is 40 years old and the reigning Sexiest Man Alive, yet his wife is 15 years older than him and their kids are adopted.
16:10 – This week’s show is brought to you by R&D Kitchen
16:33 – Seth wants to know why bands are reissuing old albums but they’re not making new ones. He’s referring specifically to Pearl Jam and their re-release of Ten (1991). Jah doesn’t have a problem with it because he loves the record.
38:26 – Jah missed out on Earth Day Wednesday and thought it was always supposed to fall on a weekend.
1:00:45 – It just hit Seth that the end of this show is near and the next time they do this show it won’t be in the friendly confines of Hobart Blvd., it’ll be on Hollywood Blvd., where dreams are made and broken. They will be amongst friends, which will be a wonderful feeling. They did some pre-pro on the Andy Dick Black Box Theater, and it will be an intimate setting. The first 2 or 3 rows will likely need plastic sheets. One way or another, you’re getting wet. You can’t drink in their theater so you’ll have to do so beforehand.
1:06:12 – Jah updates the UYD t-shirts situation, and says there will probably be some on sale at the show next week.
0:17 and 0:31 – The audience laughter in the background reveals that this is indeed a live UYD show
0:24 – Seth didn’t know if Jah could smoke in the theater so he brought him some Camel Snus for him. The tagline – “Your cigarettes might get jealous.”
1:32 – Jah wonders if everyone can hear them OK, because he finds it ridiculous that they’re holding microphones that aren’t amplified to the people in front of them.
3:56 – Seth asks Jah that if he were one of the states that didn’t have Swine Flu, would they feel like they were left out of the mix? Jah wants to know what Swine Flu is, because he doesn’t think he needs to worry about it. He thinks he had it for 24 hours.
8:34 – Jah hasn’t given any thought to what they’re doing for Prom, but after Seth tells him the theme is Hawaiian leis, Jah says he’s in.
17:58 – Seth wants to know if people use Classmates.com. Jah says no way.
18:31 – This show is brought to you by Facebook.
53:47 – After listing off the other podcasts that are featured on iTunes (Adam Carolla, Prairie Home Companion and Onion News Network) along with UYD, Jah and Seth bump it and get a round of applause.
0:53 – Jah comes in with some crazy voice distortion that repeats 6 times with Seth saying “Hallelujah” toward the end. It finally wraps up at 2:10.
2:21 – Seth and Jah thank everyone who turned out for the live show, and Jah says they had a good time and they’re going to do it again.
13:08 – Seth shares a birthday with Ted Neeley (Sept. 20), who was in the original cast of Hair and was also Jesus Christ Superstar
49:43 – Seth wonders if it’s crazy for colleges to allow co-ed dorm rooms
50:23 – Seth thinks “All Star” by Smashmouth should be UYD’s theme song (Episode 070, 44:18).
52:08 – Jah has a panicked reaction to the picture Seth holds up of the woman who had the face transplant, Connie Culp, who was shot in the face in 2004 by her husband, who also shot himself in the face and lived.
59:46 – Seth’s pit type is not Sensitive, Hairy or Sweaty – he’s going to create his own.
1:01:02 – Last week’s live show was shot with 3-camera Hi-def film and they will be getting footage of it out to UYD nation.
1:03:48 – On iTunes, Seth observed that UYD was featured at No. 4, then slid off the featured list and came back on.
0:14 – The episode kicks off with the winning rendition of the Smashmouth/UYD “All Star.” The lyrics are as follows: Somebody once told me that Jah was gonna school me / Seth has too much stuff in his head / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of “UYD” on her forehead / Well the stories start coming and they don’t stop coming / Back to the mics and they hit the ground running / Doesn’t make sense so they both make fun / Your brain gets scared and your head gets dumb / So much to say so many peeds / So make sure you don’t take the back streets / You’ll always laugh if you download / You’ll never get sick of this show / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold / It’s a cool show and it only gets bolder / It’s sitting right now in your iTunes folder / And all the episodes tend to differ / They’ve even had a few that had HD picture / Some stuff’s out, and some stuff’s in / The weather’s getting warm, can you show me the twins? / My world’s gone crazy how about yours / At least with UYD I know I’ll I never get bored / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold / Somebody once asked Jah to spare some change for gas / He had no pants and crack cocaine on his face / Jah said yep, buddy you bet / You’re legit as far as I can tell / And I’ve got more than just a little change / Well the stories start coming and they don’t stop coming / Back to the mics and they hit the ground running / Doesn’t make sense so they both make fun / Your brain gets scared and your head gets dumb / So much to say so many peeds / So make sure you don’t take the back streets / You’ll always laugh if you download / You’ll never get sick of this show / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold … Jah can’t keep up with the karaoke machine and fades out by the second verse.
4:28 – Jah is wearing Bugle Boy jeans in the studio right now. Jah used to get panic attacks from the Bugle Boy commercials.
37:35 – Seth wants to know what’s up with all the electronic billboards he’s seeing around time. He saw one that had a picture of a baby with grandparents announcing the birth of their first grandchild. Jah thinks it came out right before the economic crisis, and it was supposed to be featuring cool movies but instead it’s more like public access TV.
47:58 – Jah believes that we are in a phase where shit has totally shifted and changed, and we have moved to a new way of how we see and receive information and entertainment – but we’re still in this nether-region where there are people who have had a job for a long time where they’re giving us something we think we need to see and hear – but there’s no need for them anymore. There’s a dead world hovering around us, but it’s effect has been lessened so much that it doesn’t exist and it’s sort of already over.
1:02:49 – Jah thanks listener John for submitting the Smashmouth lyrics.
1:03:48 – Jah says he’s going to have to with a different t-shirt for XXLs because of the large neckhole
0:29 – Jah asks Seth if, when he pulls up to a gas station and during a transaction asks for $20 on No. 2 and puts in his gas, around what numerical price does the pump come to a grinding halt and trickle out the last 50 cents? Seth doesn’t have patience for that and packs it up. Jah thinks it exists exactly for this purpose, so people will just give it up and leave, giving the gas companies more profit.
8:48 – Seth reads some of the comments that accompany a Peoplemagazine.com report about Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper being an item — Brenda Bilger: Why does everyone want to hook Jennifer up? LOL. Jen will be fine, and she’d make a great mom. Maybe she’ll adopt and give some adorable lucky little one a good home. Maybe that’s God’s plan. Who knows? Good luck on whatever life brings you, Jen. I too went through a divorce. I’m 40, I’m single and I’m happy. You’ll be fine. Believe me. … Jenny Oliva Rados: Jen deserves a good man. She’s such a sweet woman. Some day her prince will come. I’m sure of it. … Debra: I think she should go out with Michael Vartan from Alias. I think they’d make a beautiful couple with beautiful kids. He’s down to earth, loves animals and has his own money. Jen should go for him, he’s so much better than Brad. … Anna: No. I think the perfect man for Jen would be John Stamos. They share Greek heritage. He was born August 19, 1963, which makes him a Leo, she was born February 11, 1969, which makes her an Aquarius. Great match for the two of them. … Sarah: She’ll find her knight in shining armor. Trust. Seth explains that these were only a few of 700 comments left on the website.
16:01 – Jah recommends that UYD listeners rent the documentary Chicken Hawk, about a creepy pedophile and NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association).
24:29 – Jah doesn’t think there’s a single thing that he’s learned in this world that he learned from somebody else.
32:12 – Jonathan references their boy Patrick from Robot Bites Man (Episode 146, 54:24), who interviewed UYD several months ago.
39:43 – Seth wonders if it’s time to update the sexual metaphors with bases in baseball. Jah says that it should be kept in the baseball realm, but first base should be oral – minimum fingering. Seth thinks first base should be above the waist.
1:00:48 – Seth asks about the UYD t-shirts, Jah says there’s a crazy debacle with the companies they’re using. He has to wait for another shipment because they’ll sell out too fast if he puts up what he has now. He promises new graphics on new shirts.
3:37 – Seth’s mother is having a yard sale this weekend and Seth wishes her good luck, even though she’s selling everything for $1.
19:15 – Seth gives a summer warning for people to watch out for peeds in and around ice cream trucks. Jah wonders if anyone else has mobile lunch trucks like they do in L.A. (Korean BBQ, Taco, Vegan, etc.)
1:05:56 – Uhh Yeah Dude has been pinballing around the iTunes rankings. They escalated as high as No. 3 and then fell off the top 15; however, they were up to No. 38 this week for total downloads, which is really high — possibly the highest they’ve been.
6:05 – An Incredible Hulk is 2 shots of Hpnotiq and 2 shots of Hennessy. Jah explains that they taste like human sweat but they get you extremely hammered. Jah technically only had a single, which Seth labels a “Bruce Banner.”
33:17 – UYD T-shirts will be on the website next week. There will be both black and white shirts
35:40 – Jah hasn’t logged into Myspace for a very long time. Every once in a while he begrudgingly logs in because he feels bad that he asked people to go there for so long.
36:15 – Jah isn’t smoking on the show anymore but he has congestion nonetheless
46:00 – The name of Seth’s autobiography is Metabolism for Pornography. Chapter 6 is entitled “UYD.”
46:10 – Seth was watching a funeral in Ohio for a clown that passed away. The pallbearers were all clowns, and everyone standing around the casket were clowns, and it was pretty scary for him watching it.
1:05:17 – UYD continues to bounce around the iTunes rankings, which Seth can’t make much sense of.
1:06:38 – The Integratron is a dome-shaped structure constructed out of plywood and fiberglass by George van Tassel. He built the structure in Landers, Calif., as a “rejuvenation machine,” supposedly following instructions provided by visitors from the planet Venus. Van Tassel was a former aircraft mechanic and flight inspector who moved out to California’s Mojave Desert to operate an airport and inn. During his time there he supposedly began meditating under a giant rock which the Native Americans of the area held to be sacred. In August of 1953 van Tassel claimed that he had been contacted both telepathically and later in person by the Nusians, who gave him the technique to rejuvenate human cell tissues. Van Tassel, acting on these instructions, began constructing the Integratron in 1954. Construction costs were paid for by an annual series of successful UFO conventions, the Giant Rock Spacecraft Conventions, which continued on for nearly 25 years. Van Tassel was clearly inspired by early 1950s contactee George Adamske. Construction was supposedly complete in 1959 but van Tassel continued to make minor modifications until his sudden death in 1978. The Integratron, despite being built without nails, survived a magnitude of 7.3 earthquake in 1992. The workings of the Integratron, according to van Tassel, supposedly rely chiefly on two principles. The principle involves the occult sacred geometry of domes, and their ability to concentrate mystical energies within the earth. The Integratron is also said to be constructed atop a powerful energy vortex. According to adherents of this belief, the dome shape naturally concentrates the energy of the vortex for the benefit of users. Also, the building is said to borrow design cues from the Tabernacle of Moses and the King’s Chamber of the Great Pyramid of Giza – both of which were thought by some occultists to have similar energy-focusing properties. The second part of the theory centers around the belief that human beings are truly electrical in nature. It is believed that though each individual has a unique personal wavelength, the multiple wavelengths of energy put out by “focusing and concentrating devices” such as the Integratron will find a resonance with individuals’ basic harmonic frequency and recharge his cellular structure as if he were a battery. After Van Tassel died there was a proposal to turn the Integratron into a disco but these plans were never realized. The new owners now operate it as a tourist attraction, allow scientific studies of the structure and promote the unusual practice of a “sound bath.” During a sound bath groups of people are exposed to harmonic sound frequencies produced by quartz bowls. This is said to have a deep calming effect. The Integratron website claims it is the only all-wood acoustically perfect sound chamber in the U.S.
0:58 – UYD is coming to us on battery power.
4:13 – Seth saw a picture of his good friend Barack Obama on Air Force One with a cell phone in a holster on his belt.
5:24 – Jah tells us that both black and white t-shirts are at the printers as we speak
38:56 – Jah brings up the act of using a loved one’s ashes to make a tattoo in the likeness of the person (Episode 040, 46:44). Jah pledges to get one made of Seth when he dies.
58:01 – In order to get t-shirts, you have to go to uhhyeahdude.com. Jah will possibly force buyers to join the forums in order to order them, because he wants people there in case he wants to contact people.
59:51 – Jah wonders if Seth has ever had sex in a gym, but he says no. He’d do it in a tanning bed though.
0:56 – Seth can’t believe it’s already June 19 and wonders where the year has gone
19:13 – UYD is getting reports back from agents in the field of Jamie Foxx showing up in people’s laundry baskets, garage door openers and the Matrix. He is you and you are he.
25:47 – Jah and Seth went to a guy named Winter’s website, who has documented his visits to 9,094 Starbucks locations internationally (8,430 in North America). Jah was familiar with basically every one Winter had visited in greater Los Angeles.
52:53 – Seth throws out a disclaimer for the 98% of UYD listeners who aren’t vegetarians for going off on Jonathan for giving it up so casually. Seth just equates it to claiming you simply jerked off a dude last week.
57:26 – Jah explains the concept of “sharking” – a fad of people in Japan, where dudes jerk off and right before they ejaculate they run up to a stranger at a bus stop and splooge in their faces.
1:00:46 – Jonathan thinks aliens live among us. He thinks here is there.
1:02:40 – Jah allows Seth to give a t-shirt update. They are being delivered tomorrow and they can start taking orders on them soon. Jah just wants to take pictures of them so he can have them up on the website. He says there’s exclusively girls’ sizes and then on up from there. Jah is super stoked about the product they have, and Seth promises that everyone who wants a T shall have a T.
1:04:48 – Seth wonders if he should try fish (not Phish). Jah thinks maybe, in certain circumstances. Jah thinks he may have to do more research on where the fish is coming from, etc.
32:15 – Jah wonders how long before Pizza Hut changes its name to “Da Hut,” and Seth thinks it will eventually be “Da Butt.” (Episode 032, 45:08)
57:53 – Jah plugs the new t-shirts again. They’re so soft and comfortable and people love them.
1:08:31 – Jah ends the show with a joke: Do you know what Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson have in common? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys.
19:42 – Jonathan references Google ads through Gmail (Episode 157, 11:46).
20:00 – Jonathan references digiscrapping (Episode 008, 29:23; Episode 028, 7:27).
33:24 – Seth saw a commercial for Ore Ida crispy fries, and the motif of the ad was “Stand and Deliver.” One person is holding an extra crispy Ore Ida French fry that is fully erect with ketchup on the tip and ready to be eaten. The other guy is holding his drippy, tiny uncircumcised French fry.
43:39 – Seth and Jah string a bunch of herda-hatta-herdas together.
47:58 – Seth drives a 1993 Plymouth Sundance and he wants nothing more than a Marauder with tinted windows.
1:03:53 – If you go to the website, there’s a new button called “Media,” which is a new offering. There’s an 18-minute long video of things Seth recorded on his home VCR. Jah pledges new t-shirt designs as well.
0:38 – There have been a lot of tech issues this week, with listeners being unable to download the last couple episodes. As of last check, Jah declares that the episodes are downloading fine. He also says that people are getting the new shipment of t-shirts.
8:27 – Seth wants to know what happened to Craig Kilborn. The last time Jah saw him was in Old School, which he accidentally refers to as Knocked Up. Jah thinks he’s an asshole and that’s why he hasn’t gotten any work.
20:59 – Seth says UYD is thinking about doing a live show in Brooklyn, N.Y., in August, but if they’re going to do it they need a head count on how many bodies will be there. Those interested in seeing the live show in Brooklyn need to call the UYD voicemail (888-842-2357) and express interest.
22:12 – Jah and Seth dip back into the UYD tech issues. Amir couldn’t download 172 or 173 and called Jah to complain, yet Seth got a hundred voicemails saying they loved the show. Seth also plugs the 18-minute montage video that he created that was put up under the “Media” tab on the website.
23:47 – UYD busted out on iTunes this week and before Seth knew it, they were getting phone calls telling them they were the 19th-most downloaded comedy podcast.
1:06:34 – UYD t-shirts are so soft. Grown men are wearing them and sending proof of it via photos to Jah.
1:32 – Seth has apparently been watching some Goodfellas because he starts talking like an East Coast Italian.
19:46 – Seth references his childhood friend, Peter Martellucci (Episode 037, 41:31; Episode 106, 33:58; Episode 131, 13:42).
20:34 – Last week Seth requested people to call the voicemail to gauge how many people could come to an East Coast show in August, and they got several calls. Those who haven’t called should continue to call and express their interest.
22:04 – Jah said the UYD tech issues should be all cleared up, now that all the audio hosting is going through uhhyeahdude.com. Jah profusely thanks Tavis and Nick for getting this up and running.
39:59 – Jah wants to get back to brass tacks and asks if jerking off to porn is cheating on a significant other. Seth thinks so. Jah thinks all bets are off if the female is in the room with them and approves of it. Jah is willing to accept it if he entered into a relationship and the girl didn’t want him to look at porn because it’s cheating.
1:01:38 – Seth says that obviously if UYD had the resources it would do shows in Philly, Chicago, D.C., Boston, etc. In the meantime they’re trying their best.
1:02:50 – Computer security expert Tadayoshi Kohno of the University of Washington published a paper in the July issue of Neurosurgical Focus that questions if steps need to be taken for the future possibility of hackers someday being able to take over other people’s brains, because researchers have developed technology that makes it possible to use thoughts to operate computers, wheelchairs, etc., at basic introductory levels. As neural devices become more complicated and as scientific research develops these systems to become more specific, dynamic and ultimately wireless, brain hackers need to be taken more seriously. These neuralcentric devices are innovating at such a rapid rate that hackers could eventually commandeer deep brain stimulators or electrode systems. As with all tech, bugs or malfunctions are always going to be present, and hackers will always be able to distinguish and then misuse or abuse these miniscule little mistakes.
3:02 – If you’re still having technical issues with CFISD, Jah doesn’t know what else to say except they’re getting fewer and farther between
7:31 – Last week Jah asked Seth what kind of soy yogurt he was eating, and Jah wondered if it was Stonyfield Farm. Seth didn’t know at the time but this week reveals that it’s Whole Soy, cherry flavor.
8:08 – Seth wonders if Jah has ever heard of the band The Tragically Hip. Supposedly they’re the biggest band ever from Canada and Seth can’t believe he hasn’t heard of them if that’s true.
23:36 – Seth recalls when UYD tried to register for pickup lines and they signed Jah up for a monthly charge but never sent him one (Episode 093, 1:23, Episode 094, 1:01:44). Jah says the only pickup line that works is just going straight in and introducing yourself. Otherwise you better know something awesome about whatever they’re looking at or doing or buying, which means you need to listen to UYD because they know everything awesome about everything. Then you’re in. Dudes have figured it out who have been listening to UYD for three years.
45:41 – UYD is still figuring things out for an August or September show in New York City.
56:02 – Seth is curious about the user comments that appear under news stories on the internet, and how some commenter tries to make a connection to a person or place mentioned in the local story. He recalls one dude posting that Kurt Wild messed his sandwich up when he was researching the Subway story (Episode 132, 29:01).
1:00:19 – Seth wonders if he’s the only person left in this country that leaves voicemail messages. Jah thinks you can call your cell phone provider and get voicemail removed from your plan, even though it’s hard to do. Jah says people leave horrific messages nowadays, whereas Seth leaves detailed messages. Seth leaves messages for people, and they’ll just hit him back with a call without checking the message to see what he was calling about.
4:39 – Jah brings up a topic that means a lot to a lot of people in his life right now – polyamorous lifestyles. It’s ethical non-monogamy, devotees engaging in intimate relationships with more than one person simultaneously. It is based on knowledge and consent of all parties involved. The movement includes recently published books, local get-togethers, poly podcasts and an online magazine called Loving More. Jah claims that this doesn’t work – you can have deep meaningful relationships while maintaining other ones but at a certain point, it becomes too hard to not turn the creep corner.
39:19 – Seth asks Jah if he’s ever heard of eating Vaseline for a sore throat.
1:09:51 – Jah understands that all Skittles are now gelatin free and don’t have ground-up calves hoofs in them. He can now eat them again as a good vegetarian.
1:10:42 – UYD will have definitive details by next week regarding their New York live show.
1:12 – Seth wishes Jonathan a happy 32nd birthday
24:30 – UYD announces their upcoming live show in New York, at the Public Assembly in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn on Saturday, Oct. 17.
31:57 – Jah is chewing Dentyne Ice, and we can hear the crinkling of the wrapper.
43:01 – DayWannaCumAlot is Jonathan’s Native American name
48:22 – Brinks Home Security is now Broadview, and they have a shitty new commercial on to introduce it, showing a guy sitting in his Chevy Cobalt and then going apeshit, kicking down a door, etc.
54:46 – Jah reads an ad about Southern California’s Premiere 3D/4D Fetal Ultrasound Experience. The slogan is “Here’s Looking at You, Baby.” If you bring the ad in when you get your ultrasound, you get a free tote bag with your ultrasound image on it.
1:04:32 – Seth wonders why people put emphasis on the wrong syllable when they say things: “I was watching the TV,” “I went to eat at Taco Bell,” etc. (Episode 016, 34:13).
1:05:36 – Seth once again plugs the live UYD show at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, N.Y. on Oct. 17.
1:06:06 – Jah promises new t-shirts coming through and some new designs as well.
4:06 – Jah references the Pepsi Jazz ad (Episode 034, 0:26).
5:52 – Jah knows how a sitcom work week works, because he’s a lot kid (Episode 066, 13:41).
10:37 – Jah wonders if Seth has noticed that he’s using a new microphone right now. Seth says it looks great, but he’s not jealous because he loves his own mic so much.
39:00 – Jah says he’s never done a self-portrait photo, then corrects himself and says he has – but not in public. Seth insists Jah has done it in public or at least in an alley.
42:56 – Seth wants to start a new segment called Jonathan’s Tweets
44:39 – Seth is surprised that Obama is still alive, shooting hoops at the White House.
58:33 – Jah plugs their live show on Oct. 17 in Brooklyn’s Public Assembly. If you are traveling, need to see the show and need to guarantee entry into it, do so via the link next to the airplane on the website. While Jah is telling this he wonders how his balls and cock look in their “moose knuckle” form right now.
1:04:00 – Jah says they talked a few weeks ago about the girl who stabbed her boyfriend who was jerking off to porn on the couch, which sparked a debate on the forums about whether or not that’s cheating. Jah says that in a relationship, there may be some merit to having the only porn being viewed done so mutually. Doing it in secret is more shady because it causes mad problems in people’s relationships.
1:22 – Seth says it’s incredibly hot in the studio right now
8:29 – Seth is creeped out by the Avatar trailer, but he figured J-dawg would be down with it.
22:10 – Jah asks Seth how many people he knows who still steal cable. Seth doesn’t know anyone but Jah says it’s still fully do-able. Seth says it’s OK if you do it from Time Warner, which Jah and Seth both declare the “worst company ever.”
22:30 – Jah received notification that AT&T has full service at Burning Man (Episode 012, 53:20, Episode 081, 19:58). Seth says Burning Man has its own post office as well. There are daily flights in and out of San Francisco going to Burning Man.
43:26 – Jah says he is sweating more than he has in this apartment ever. He wonders if it happens every year, Seth confirms this.
44:18 – Seth plugs the live show on Oct. 17 in Brooklyn’s Public Assembly. If you plan on going, please RSVP via the UYD website. Jah says this is because they’re not selling tickets and they’re keeping it gangster. Since there will be free alcohol at the show, it will be a 21-and-over ONLY show. There was nothing they could do about that because it is being sponsored by myopenbar.com. However, Jah says if underage people will be in the area, they will try to accommodate them in any way they can.
58:08 – Phrases typed into some type of a search engine where UhhYeahDude.com became the final destination: LABlowjobStories.blogspot.com … Oh so tough economic times … Holla back for a dope cock … Yo dog, you dead dog … Bruce cocked … Boner rage … Leaky boners … Fat Val Kilmer … Lesbiamis … Herda hatta herda … Cum on a bible … Fucking a warm melon … The white man calls her flute playing wind … Cold Stone forearms … Jesus Christ walks into a bar … Mystic Tan panic attacks … Teens getting fucked in their sleep … Who shouldn’t take ecstacy? … Wife not interested in cock.
1:03:01 – Seth marvels at Episode 181 being a palindrome. He was the Class of 1991 and he remembers learning that during an assembly.
1:05:00 – Seth tells listeners that if they happen to call the UYD voicemail, not to do it while driving with the windows down and yelling numbers with sirens wailing in the background.
0:49 – This episode of Uhh Yeah Dude is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go there you will get 50% off every item in the mix. This is an adult website, a distributor of adult themed products. If you type in UYD in the offer code when you check out, you’ll get several free items. Seth calls it a UYDildo. Jah believes he beat off to a couple Adam and Eve catalogs when he was younger.
4:07 – Seth: “Trying to explain what Burning Man is to someone who has never been to the event is a bit like trying to explain what a particular color looks like to someone who is blind.” (Episode 012, 53:20) … Jah says he was supposed to leave tonight to go out to Burning Man.
12:10 – Times used to be different – if you were in trouble you’d grab a cop or a mailman. You can’t even grab a security guard because they’re convicted felons. Jah thinks you have to grab a Guardian Angel with a red beret and boots.
34:32 – Jah thinks he needs to go back to school in some capacity. There’s so much he’s interested in that he’s not smart enough to do on his own. Seth thinks this would never happen because some girl would look at him during class and 10 minutes later he’d be in her dorm room boning down and talking about vegan sauerkraut.
35:47 – Seth has been doing a lot of thinking. He says basically any boy from age 7 or 8 to about age 17 is going to kill him. He sees kids in Jamba Juice and can tell they don’t like him. Jah says “they love me.” Seth wonders if the reverse is true for females, and Jah says older females are looking to the young girls for fashion tips, but they simultaneously want to eradicate all of them.
38:59 – Seth plugs the live show in Brooklyn, N.Y., in Public Assembly on Saturday, Oct. 17. Jah encourages people to RSVP and look for a response e-mail.
43:39 – UYD again plugs AdamandEve.com. Jah saw some prostate massagers in there that looked pretty aggressive.
1:50 – This episode of UYD is sponsored by AdamandEve.com and there is a banner ad for it on the homepage. Seth wanted to contact Adam and Eve to find something slightly more tasteful so that when their parents logged on the website they wouldn’t see a vag and ass staring them in the face. … If you type in UYD in your checkout code you get 50% off any item. … Jah says that the combo of the banner ad and the UYD slogans refreshing atop it were pretty much awesome.
19:26 – Jah says UYD nation has people pledging as they speak. He’s been getting texts about it. Seth warns people not to do stupid shit.
21:05 – This Sunday, the 20th is Seth’s birthday. Seth wants to know if he’s shaving off 7 years or 5 years. Seth says it’s 7 for him and 5 for Jah, so he’s turning 29 this Sunday.
25:01 – Jah is wearing an Oxford University t-shirt. Sometimes he gets asked if he went there and once he said yes.
27:57 – Jah wants to know what’s up with young girls working in places like Jamba Juice, Cold Stone, etc. with cuts on their arms.
32:02 – UYD plugs their live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, NY.
41:55 – Seth has a question about wedding rings: Is a wedding ring a traditional thing that says “I’m in love with my husband and I’m sharing my life with him,” or is it a “Back off jackoff” indicator in public. Seth then wonders if attractive young women would put on a ring just to keep creepy dudes away from them.
53:25 – Neither Jonathan nor Seth have ever had a manicure or pedicure.
59:38 – Seth says Jonathan would be a wonderful father, but Jah thinks he’d be crazy.
1:08 – Jah does his aggro announcing voice that talks about “raw, nocturnal comocedy.”
1:55 – Jah plugs their September sponsor, AdamandEve.com, and the promo code “UYD” that gives you half off and 3 free DVDs when you place their order. Jah and Seth think the ad banner on their homepage is a little more tasteful now.
5:00 – Yo mane, hol’ up, I got too much lean in my cup (Episode 025, 36:18)
31:16 – Jah don’t know much (Episode 067, 21:32; Episode 073, 36:02; Episode 129, 59:15; Episode 137, 4:04 and 1:06:18; and Episode 138, 34:36).
52:12 – Seth plugs UYD’s live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, N.Y.
55:28 – Seth plugs the “Media” link from the UYD website, which now features a second volume of video compilations recorded by Seth and edited by 55inch.
1:03:11 – Seth says “I’m comin’ for you, Corolla!,” indicating that Uhh Yeah Dude is going to overtake Adam Corolla as #1 Comedy Podcast on iTunes. Seth says that Romatelli is a way better Italian name than Corolla, which is faux Italian.
1:04:55 – Seth wonders when Jah is going to get his UYD tattoo, and Jah isn’t sure about it.
1:11 – Jah does his shock jock voice that Seth has been dreaming about since he was a young boy
2:01 – This episode of Uhh Yeah Dude is being brought to you by AdamandEve.com – safe, secure and intimate
4:31 – Seth talks about his extensive training regime by using some crazy big words
5:38 – Halloween is coming on a Saturday night, which could be right.
30:03 – Jah plugs the live show in Brooklyn on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly
32:28 – Seth says he got some positive feedback on Volume 2 of the 25-minute psychotic montage that has been posted in the “Media” section of the website. Jah says there has been one complaint that Volume 1 is no longer there.
35:41 – Seth’s current issue of Playboy, October 2009, has a study called “The College Sex Survey.” 41% of college students know someone who has hooked up with either a professor or a teacher’s assistant.
50:22 – Jah has 2 cigarettes, a Lucky and another one. He asks Seth which one he should smoke first, and Seth says he should smoke the Lucky cigarette now.
1:01:04 – Seth understands the UYD voicemail greeting says “2006 for life,” which he finds comforting, quaint and soothing to hear that. Some listeners decide to really let Seth know what year it is in their messages. Jonathan says that all the texts he receives are like getting Twittered in the face.
0:33 – Seth says “TGIF” because UYD is uncharacteristically recording the show on a Friday instead of a Thursday
0:41 – Seth asks Jonathan to let the listeners know that it’s “Rocktober” in his shock jock voice.
1:20 – UYD is bringing some serious Cali heat in October to a place called Brooklyn. Seth doesn’t mind if it’s cold out there, he just doesn’t want it to rain on his hair. That’s why he lives in the desert.
2:01 – This episode is being brought to you by AdamandEve.com.
3:23 – In regards to the live show in NYC, Jah says the RSVP list is officially closed.
19:05 – Jah recalls the 1993 movie Six Degrees of Separation with a fresh version of Will Smith
19:41 – Speaking of Will Smith, Jah was thinking about something: What if he was exactly who he is, but he was a big, big black dude? Seth thinks Jah would be the president of something. He thinks he would be rowdier since he would be huge and black. Seth wonders what the equivalent would be for himself, and Jah said it would be if Seth was a woman named Beth.
33:40 – Seth wonders if he mentioned not to fuck Brazilian dudes. Jah says Brazilian girls are also included in that because they all used to be dudes. Seth has heard from 15 different girls who hooked up with Brazilian dudes, end up with a child and the dude is back in Rio three months later. Jah says they bone down like crazy because they’re wicked good at it.
39:02 – Jah says he has an LRAD right here in his pants, his own little sound cannon
1:05:17 – Jah does an impersonation of rewinding through an episode of UYD, and it’s awesome.
1:09:12 – Jah recalls his cyberskin esophagus that he bought and that his maid discovered (Episode 088, 19:26)
0:26 – This is Episode number 1-8-7, the California penal code for murder
6:37 – Seth talks about the new Broadview Security commercial (Episode 179, 48:22). It starts off with people leaving what looks to have been an elegant house party. It’s early evening. The attractive female host thanks everyone for leaving. One handsome younger dude lingers on the porch, and she says, “It was really nice to meet you, A.J.” (Jah thinks it stands for Aaron Jacobson.) Her girlfriends are in the driveway mouthing, “He’s so hot!” and the girl mouths back, “I know!” The woman walks into the house and begins cleaning up, and she hears a noise and it’s A.J. in the doorway. He bashes in the window, she books it in and calls Mike at Broadview Security. Nothing to worry about now!
23:24 – Episode 188 will be Friday, Oct. 17, live in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn N.Y. at a venue called Public Assembly. Seth says it’s very overwhelming and very exciting and he thanks everyone for everything. Seth wants people to get there early and seek them out. Seth is the one who is not Jonathan.
36:29 – Jah can’t figure out why he is stumbling over his words so much. Seth hopes Jah is on point during the live New York show. Seth wonders what will happen if Jah is garbling everything and Seth has a full panny.
55:35 – Seth just handed Jah something to read and he doesn’t know what it is. He finally reads this warning to listeners: “In my experience, car wash employees in their haste sometimes do not reinsert the clips or holes on floormats of cars.” What happens is that, by putting your feet on them it rips the holes and your feet will slide up, or it will jam up the brake or accelerator.
58:36 – Seth talks about the Podcast Awards, recognizing excellence in the podcast field. He asks listeners to go to the UYD website and follow the link to the Podcast Awards, then vote for UYD for Best Comedy Podcast. There is no Dancecast category yet, which is why UYD wants to win – so they can establish that category next year.
0:01 – The live crowd chants “UYD! UYD!” to open the episode
0:38 – Jah is blown away by the warm reception they are getting at Brooklyn’s Public Assembly
1:04 – Jah forewarns the ladies in the room that there are a gang of horned-up dudes in the close-quarters club
1:23 – Seth finally chimes in and Jah is forced to acknowledge him to the crowd
2:16 – Jah says he’s going to have a heart attack and the crowd needs to give him a second to catch his breath. Seth says he wants people to hang around for a while afterward to say hello to people
4:55 – Seth reminds everyone that it’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah tells people to get mammograms and that further explanation is necessary.
6:35 – People in the back can’t hear J-dawg and Seth as well, so they apologize and Jah tells Seth to face Jah a little more so they can talk more directly to each other.
12:02 – Seth says he used to come to this place when it was Galapagos back in the ‘80s. He’s seen a lot of things here.
14:47 – There’s a new Broadview commercial on (Episode 179, 48:22; Episode 187, 6:37). There’s a dude in full camo looking through a hole in the fence at a mother and daughter kicking a soccer ball in the backyard. He runs in and kicks in the side door of the house
24:23 – Seth thinks he finally has a reason to cancel his Playboy subscription because Marge Simpson was on the cover. He’s back in, however, because Tara Reid is going to pose in it.
29:16 – Jah gives a shout-out to Seth’s mom and dad, who are in attendance for the live show.
40:52 – Seth got his tickets for the Michael Jackson movie at the CineramaDome. He’s wondering how crazy it will get there.
42:31 – Jah has everyone simultaneously yell the state or town they’re from on the count of 3
2:56 – Seth and Jah thank all the listeners for the fun live show in Brooklyn last week.
27:37 – Seth wants to know if women carry condoms on them. Jah replies, “Not unless they’re whores.” Jah thinks that even dudes shouldn’t carry them with him because it’s too presumptuous. But both men and women should keep condoms at home in their medicine cabinets, etc.
54:44 – Jah’s not sure what he’s going as for Halloween. Seth doesn’t feel comfortable dressing up.
1:01:03 – Jah gives a quick merch plug. They had awesome stuff available for the show in Brooklyn and some of them will be available in the website. Stickers will also be available in those shipments. The posters will be available as well, and they glow in the dark.
1:03:54 – UYD is coming in on 200 episodes, which feels weird to Jah
5:50 – It smells good in the studio. Seth has ginger peach candles in the living room, a Tahitian vanilla candle in his bedroom. For having such a great smelling crib, Jah hands Seth a frienjamin (Episode 141, 1:18).
16:52 – Jah was talking to somebody the other day about Twitter. He hypothesizes that regarding Twats that Twitter (douchebags), you could call what they do “Tweefing.”
54:06 – Before they did the live show in Brooklyn, Seth and Jonathan did an interview with a girl for the Greenpoint Gazette (greenpointgazette.com).
55:06 – Jah says that there will be new t-shirts and posters available soon in the Merch section of the website.
17:16 – Jah reminisces on curbside check-in as if it doesn’t exist anymore. But it does.
28:54 – Seth and Jah want to start an old-timey gas station in the heart of Hollywood. They’ll get out-of-work sitcom actors to work there and shoot it as a reality show.
47:37 – Jah and Seth start to get trippy. Jah talks about how arbitrary the sequence of events in our daily lives is. Seth ponders about dreaming, and how sick and crazy it is that you create the way people look and what they say. He’s been having a lot of specific and vivid dreams that err on the side of mildly uncomfortable. They’re not night terrors (Episode 033, 48:25). Seth thinks that he’s making up the dialogue of the dream in his brain, but Jah doesn’t agree with that part. His dreams don’t feel as if they are his own manifestations. He has no well from which to draw the things he is conjuring. He knows he has a lot of crazy things within him but he thinks these other entities come to him from outside, and commingles in his realm that he’s cognizant of. Jah is sincerely worried about 2012; he thinks it’s for real while Seth thinks it’s Y2K bullshit. Jah explains that, assuming we’re children of God created in his image, we create things in our world the way God created the world we live in. When you look at our forms of communication that we create right now, there are things that are at the peak of our technology, yet others that are completely arcane (telephone) that are still completely useful and valid. He believes there are arcane versions of galactic communication. (At this point Seth nearly bursts out laughing. He’s not there yet, but there are 500 more episodes to go, so maybe he will get there.)
58:37 – Jonathan thinks that entertainment and the way we digest it should be on a sliding scale. You should be able to pay what you want for things, like the new Radiohead record.
1:00:21 – Jah says there’s still a handful of UYD posters available through the Merch store on the UYD website, as well as a handful of tie-dye and prism logo t-shirts. Listeners rocked it this week with the sales.
1:01:35 – Jah got sent pictures of people burning CDs this week that they were going to hand to people.
1:02:32 – Jah circles back to his trippy diatribe about dreams. He talks about all the expressions we have within us, like when he was at the Phish show last weekend and thought about his musical life, etc. It feels like a dark time for the path that people are walking right now, while there seems to be an increase with people having more vivid dreams and communication within the inner parts of themselves. He says if they’re sitting somewhere doing Episode 3059 and realizing time is a crazy mobia strip, they will be a part of themselves back here .
1:04:35 – Seth says that UYD will be coming up on some milestones, 4 years and 200 episodes. Jah says it just comes down to doing your shit and moving on. Seth disagrees, and says that the idea of anyone taking any stock in 2012 is ridiculous. It’s a day in the life for all of us, there’s good things and bad things and we’re on an epic journey just to get through the day. It’s been that way forever and it will be forever, and it’s the best thing. Maybe aliens come and maybe they don’t, but people can just get through today. Seth says “It does what it does,” and Jah says, “Then you put a gun in your mouth.”
26:10 – Jonathan’s father will be performing at the Pantages Theatre in Los Angeles, Calif., in the holiday classic “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” performing the role of Old Max.
27:37 – Seth loves Christmas, and the feeling of the holiday season. It makes him feel very warm and very open, with the endless possibilities of life and love. But those feelings end on the 26th.
41:17 – Seth and Jonathan can’t believe 2010 is right here upon us.
0:48 – Jah says they’ve never said hello to each other in a foreign language before on the show, then proceeds to try doing exactly that.
25:42 – New Kay Jewelers commercial features a couple at a mountain retreat. She jumps into his arms during the thunder and lightning. He says, “I’m right here, and I always will be,” then busts a ring in her face, then, “Don’t let go. Ever.” Jah then finishes it with the ideal ending to that commercial: “Every Kiss Begins with Kay,” and an Aaron Neville rendition.
33:29 – Jonathan belches loudly into the microphone, then immediately apologizes for bringing a complete halt to the show.
36:26 – Although Seth laments how he used to be awesome, Jah gives him a break because sneaking into concerts shirtless is a sad look on a 40-year-old man. Jah then ponders how much longer he can get away with the look he is currently boasting. Seth says three or four more years.
40:28 – Seth says not to hate on the Zunes – UYD always talks about lots of different ways to access the show and don’t mention the Zune Marketplace – which some listeners have complained about.
0:55 – Jah gives us a Christian side hug
11:43 – Jah heard that in France, “LOL” has been incorporated into common chat, where they will actually say it in face-to-face conversation rather than typing it.
52:24 – Seth recalls how Jah told him about the gas station trickling off a few more pennies on everybody and thereby making a billion dollars (Episode 167, 0:29). Jah says he’s had a couple experiences with gas pumps since then. He found one pump that doesn’t do it at a couple newly renovated places. However, he went to another newly renovated Chevron where rather than slow down 4 cents or 10 cents before, it pops up like it was full. Jah went to take it out, turned and there was 7 more cents in there, then it trickled out. It tries to get you to give up.
1:06:21 – It’s just officially past midnight so Jah wants to officially say Happy Thanksgiving to Seth and all UYD listeners.
2:39 – Jah mixes it up by singing a Ben Bridge Jewelers tune instead of Kay
23:55 – UYD is closing in on #200, and they’re not sure what they’re going to do for the extravaganza.
40:37 – Jah sings “We don’t need another language.” (Episode 073, 0:43).
1:00:38 – Jogger is playing two shows over the Christmas holidays – in Chicago on Dec. 30 and in Denver with R2D2 and Daedelus on New Year’s Eve at City Hall.
0:49 – Seth’s iBook G4 is running about 97% right now – a good charge
1:02 – The decade is ending and we don’t really have a name for the coming decade we’re about to enter. Jah thinks it should be the “X’s” or the “Teens” or “Two-thousand X”
20:53 – Jah sings “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” (Episode 073, 0:43; Episode 097, 1:00:56)
25:32 – Seth harkens back to when he got to hear Sean Connery say “Queen Latifah” at the Academy Awards (Episode 099, 17:20). Seth tries to picture the Larroquettes going out to dinner with Ice-T and Coco.
35:53 – Jah wants Facebook to stop sending him notifications about how they’re changing privacy policies because it’s spooking him. He thinks it’s crazy that Google is scanning Twitter accounts to see if a popular user has referenced whatever words you’re searching for. Because of this Jah’s father might dip out of Twitter.
8:23 – If there was going to be a third member of UYD, Seth thinks it would probably be Kobe Teeth.
23:25 – Jah thinks men need to just cut the shit when it comes to thinking that women are stupid in regards to the things that they think they’re stupid about. Jah concurs that they’re stupid about certain things, but not things men think they are. Jah think men were bad back in the 70s too but it was more of a traditional structure that created its own kind of happiness.
28:09 – Jah asks Seth to take him to outer space, and Seth proceeds to play Galaga sound effects.
42:32 – UYD stockings are on sale via the website, as is a tote bag and a caribiner.
1:01:04 – Seth gives a toned-down, drawn-out “Sssssmokin.”
1:01:40 – Jah thinks that it is some couple’s fault for breaking up when they weren’t supposed to that threw the entire celebrity dating fractal so out of whack. Seth thinks it was the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez break-up that did it. Jah calls them “Jaffleck,” and Seth makes fun of this. Seth doesn’t buy the Affleck/Garner relationship and he wants “Bennifer” back.
1:07:35 – Seth received calls from listeners who said Episode 196 cut off at the end. Jah has a fixed version of that which he says he will upload soon.
1:08:12 – Jah apologizes for a small buzzing noise that’s been going on for the last couple episodes, and he says he needs to fix it soon.
36:51 – Seth wishes the Cowboys good luck tonight.
37:10 – Jah hypothesizes that everybody’s a car dealer now. All this nickel-and-dime BS used to be relegated to the used car lot, but now everyone with a nametag is trying to hustle us. And they’re so dumb that they just go along with it blindly and don’t question their own intentions.
53:19 – Jah wonders what’s up with Brad and Angelina. Seth says more than likely he heard Episode 197 and heard them talking about Jackalope and how when they broke up the world ended. It got Pitt thinking to how Angelina is not a soulmate. Seth doesn’t think they were met for each other. He thinks there’s another woman out there that we already know that should be with him. Seth ventures a guess: Zoe Saldana.
58:23 – Jah promises that the UYD Merch Store has some dope shit coming from their boy Bennett Grizzard, who did the Brooklyn flyer, and John Smith, who did the glow-in the-dark posters from the Brooklyn show.
59:40 – Seth wishes everyone a Happy New Year and Merry Christmas as well. It’s essentially 2010. Jah can’t believe he’ll be in Denver for New Year’s.
1:19 – Seth comments on how it’s weird to be recording their show on a Saturday night
1:54 – Jah wishes Seth a Happy New Year
15:56 – Jah has a theory that Tiger Woods is dead, which is why we haven’t seen him in public since his Thanksgiving domestic dispute.
27:06 – Seth asks if Angelina Jolie would leave Brad Pitt for Jah. Jah is flabbergasted at this question.
1:00:07 – Seth says they’re not sure what they’re going to do about Episode 200.
2:29 – Seth marvels that they’ve made it to 200 episodes. They had a dream, and they made that dream a reality.
2:37 – Several listeners told Seth that he needed to live up to his promise that he made in Episode 100 (21:25) that he would do a moonwalk this episode, but he says he has an out since the King of Pop died and this is not a vidcast.
58:46 – Although it’s Episode 200, Seth doesn’t want to get too excited. When they get to Episode 300, that’s when the real party is going to be.
1:02:42 – Seth says that after 200 episodes, there are a lot of people to thank. He and J-Dawg appreciate all the people who have worked so hard for UYD to be able to continue to do it.
0:27 – Jah wishes they were recording this episode with video because Seth gave him a crazy look with his eyes.
8:03 – Jah says Seth needs a high-speed dubbing USB VCR so he could upload all the gobs of videotapes he has stuff recorded on.
15:19 – Seth wants to customize his sex robot to look like Haley Joel Osment from the movie AI
52:18 – Seth wants to know what the fuck is going on. Jah indicates that it all went wrong when Gus Van Sant shot Psycho shot-for-shot starring Vince Vaughn.
20:58 – Seth declares that next month, February, Jonathan will be going on tour with Jogger, except UYD will be having shows each week during the month.
52:07 – Jah gives big ups to the Peace Corps because there are UYD listeners who are in it as we speak.
57:54 – Jah references himself mispronouncing Patrón (Episode 031, 23:14).
59:09 – iTunes prominently featured UYD alongside other amazing podcasts such as New Yorker Fiction, Market Watch from Dow Jones, etc.
1:00:08 – Jah plugs some Merch stuff – new totes are available in black and purple with the prism logo, and new gray hairy logo shirts are available and restocked.
19:39 – Jah hated fax machines, but Seth still likes them. He likes what they do. He thinks they’re still efficient in terms of calling someone about a magazine article, then seconds later they’re looking at the exact same thing once you fax it to them.
58:47 – Seth thinks UYD had more voicemails than they’ve ever gotten this week 1:00:00 – Seth reminds listeners that in February, Jah will go on tour with Amir Yaghmai and their musical outfit, Jogger. Their tour dates are listed on their Myspace page. Although Jah won’t be in town, they will be posting fresh new episodes.
1:01:12 – Seth previously asked people to get some sleep (Episode 202, 1:04:06). He now has another good idea – changing or washing your sheets, which feels so comforting.
1:28 – It’s tax season, so this is the time of year Seth likes to remind listeners to get on it and not sleep on it, then realize it’s April 15. He says to do it legally, because your friend who does it doesn’t really do it.
4:27 – Seth thinks he has asked this before, but he wonders if medical supply stores – which are basically an empty room, a folded-up wheelchair leaned against the wall and a crutch in a sling with an open floorplan – are fraudulent business fronts used for laundering money or peddling drugs.
54:15 – Jah asks Seth to make a wish since it’s 2:22, but Seth blows it by saying he wished for the continued health of every one of UYD’s listeners.
1:00:47 – Seth tells us that Ep. 205 will go up next week, while 206 will be the week after that – it’s another pre-recorded episode. They will be back the following week with 207.
1:01:46 – This week is the four-year anniversary of the first UYD show that went up. Seth wishes UYD a happy birthday.
0:57 – We learn that this episode was recorded by Jah and Seth on Friday, Jan. 29
8:54 – Jah talks about how not fresh people’s played-out shit is. He think this started changing within our period of life growing up. People used to have to be the best in order to keep going.
1:19 – This episode is being recorded on Wednesday, 7:50 p.m. on Dec. 23, 2009. Jah calls it an “Episode to be Named at a Later Date,” and it’s being hosted by “Marcia and Seth.”
51:29 – Seth and Marcia share a sweet moment where they tell each other that they love one another very much.
55:01 – “Imagine” by John Lennon, which is Seth and Marcia’s song (Episode 192, 19:15), closes out this special episode.
1:06 – Jah and Seth bump it. Seth says it’s nice to have Jah back, while Jah says it’s nice to be home.
54:17 – Seth gives mad props to his mother, who laid it down hard with Seth in Episode 206. He was a little apprehensive to mix the UYD formula up, but he had the best time with her. He said people were so nice, sending voicemails and mail. Marcia got to hear a bunch of voicemails and was overwhelmed with the good cheer. Jah hopes everyone was down with it because it was truly the best.
1:26 – Seth asks if midnight is the witching hour (Episode 065, 0:55)
]]>9:54 – In Connecticut, 14 girls in the last two months have been sexually assaulted by guys they’ve met on Myspace
10:15 – Annual Run to the top of the Empire State Building in NYC – winners were Andrea Mair of Austria and Thomas Dold of Germany – it was Mair’s third women’s race title in a row in record time – completed 2-mile race in 11:23. Dold did it in 10:19.
21:26 – Alan Shalleck found covered in garbage bags in front of mobile home – helped bring Curious George to TV; found dead just before the Curious George movie was released
23:05 – A sampling of the 911 calls Seth hears on Good Morning America, when they reveal that 200 million people call it every year – many of them non-emergencies: Hey, what time is it? … Um, is it winter time or is it summer time? Because the seasons change … Uhh yeah, I need the number for Pizza Hut! I can’t get it from Pizza Hut, I can’t get it from the directory and I can’t get it from 411! I need a pizza! … Um, hello. I’m at Burger King right now, and I’m ordering a Western Bacon Cheeseburger and they’re making it wrong. This is an emergency! I want you to send an officer down here right now!
36:17 – On this date in 1989, in order to gain deregulation, the WWF (now WWE) admitted in a N.J. state court that pro wrestling was an exhibition and not a sport
47:32 – The Army sent a bill to a 25-year-old first lieutenant who was injured in Iraq. The bill was for $632 to pay for his body armor vest that he didn’t return. He didn’t return it because he was shot, it was covered in blood and the medics burned it on the battlefield as a biohazard. They had to hold a fundraiser in his hometown to pay for it
49:45 – Jessica McClure (Baby Jessica) was married in Midland, TX this week
4:03 – Gonzaga dean of students has to tell students to quit chanting “Brokeback Mountain!” at opposing players
25:54 – Lonnie Billiter Jr. of Colerain Township, Ohio, becomes eighth person ever to bowl three perfect games in a row.
37:04 - A San Diego fire truck at the scene of a pre-dawn traffic accident burst into flames when its engine caught on fire
37:54 – Rural firefighters in Monett, Mo., stood by and watched a fire destroy a garage and a vehicle because the property owner had not paid his membership dues. The man was injured in the fire trying to battle it himself with a garden hose and buckets while the firefighters stood by and watched it.
44:45 – The Harlem Globetrotters are going to be at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Ticket prices are up to $130
46:13 – In 2000, Boston University calculated the odds of an average player making a hole-in-one in the game of golf. The odds are 12,000 to 1. The average of 2 players playing in a foursome making a hole-in-one on the same hole are 17 million to 1. This happened recently – two brothers did this while playing.
5:58 – In Washington, D.C., a man who claimed to have a cell phone implanted in his head was convicted of jumping the White House fence in a bid to meet Chelsea Clinton
6:58 – Man got in an argument with his girlfriend and jammed her cell phone down her throat. Woman claims she swallowed it
23:13 – Phillip Swan, president of TVpredictions.com: “Cameron Diaz looks like a mess in high definition. You can see her acne scars. It’s the ultimate reality TV.”
24:23 – Sheriff in Spotsylvania, Va., isn’t allowing his detectives to receive sexual services while investigating suspected prostitution
36:35 – In Italy, sexually abusing a teen is deemed a less serious crime if the girl’s not a virgin. Seth: “I saw The Accused. Leo Rossi.”
53:27 – In France, three photographers that photographed Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed the night of their fatal 1997 crash have each been symbolically fined one euro for their roles in her death.
54:48 – An unlicensed doctor in San Francisco, Stephen Bryan Turner, was injecting patients with a saline solution he claimed was a vaccine for various afflictions
56:23 – The Philadelphia 76ers, in cooperation with local police, are offering fans free tickets to upcoming games if they turn in a handgun
57:09 – Yoplait yogurt breast cancer campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.”
9:47 – There was a car accident that transpired last week in Los Angeles. It occurred on the PCH in Malibu and involved an Enzo Ferrari – which costs between $600,000 and $1 million. The car hit a telephone pole and got cut in half, while the telephone pole flipped over 180 degrees and was hanging by its own wires. The driver, Stephone, claimed he wasn’t the driver of the car, but he was. It turns out he was racing against a Mercedes SLR. Stephone’s story is that he’s a failed video game inventor that made a racing game. Now here he is in real life racing at 162 miles per hour. He came out of it with nothing but a cut lip. Eight days later, we find out that Scotland Yard is investigating a claim that a bank claims to own the Enzo, a Gloc gun cartridge was found at the scene that they’re trying to tie to him, and “Homeland Security officials” arrived at the scene to investigate him. They were found out to work at a transit company in the San Gabriel Valley that is a front for some kind of illegal operation that they haven’t figured out what it is.
41:18 – Kevin Garnett story – threw ball into stands and barely hit a fan; apologizes to man; man pretends to be seriously injured and gets carried out of arena in a stretcher
47:04 – Dr. Louis Gottschalk (not Louis Gossett Jr.), a renowned psychiatrist at UC-Irvine, was duped into squandering $1.3 million of his family’s fortune in a Nigerian internet scam. He traveled to Nigeria and began meeting with people called “The General” and other Nigerians to let them know he was serious about getting the money.
56:43 – Flight attendant on Virgin Atlantic flight screamed at the top of her lungs “We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash!” after the plane experienced some turbulence
7:23 – Forbes’ billionaire ranking list came out. Sergey Brin, co-owner of Google, is worth $12,900,000,000, but Larry Page, the other co-owner, is only worth $12,800,000,000
24:40 – Celebrities’ kids wack names: Nic Cage – Kal-el; Sly Stallone – Sage Moonblood; Rob Morrow – Tu; Jason Lee – Pilot Inspector; Shannon Sossamon – Audio Science; Jonathan Davis of Korn – Pirate; David Duchovny/Téa Leoni – Kyd; Ginuwine – Story; Robert Rodriguez – Rebel, Racer, Rogue and Rocket.
28:25 – Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall’s Brokeback shirts sell for $100,000+; Crash screenplay signed by writer, director, cast sells for $255. Seth: “I could grill up veggie bacon right now, manipulate a face of Jesus and sell it for $300 tomorrow.”
41:36 – Second-grade kid brings live grenade into show-and-tell. Seth: “Would you rather have your kid bring a grenade or cocaine into class.” Jah: “Grenade.”
44:22 – Dairy worker and 8-year-old son die in a 10-foot deep manure pit
47:33 – Border patrol guys nabbed for smuggling illegal immigrants across borders
48:57 – Shannon Kennedy is deaf, yet she went to the Bon Jovi show at the Key Center in Seattle. She had a music interpreter, Joanne Ball, to do sign language so she could get the full effect of Bon Jovi’s songs
54:04 – Kansas church protesting funerals of Iraqi war victims because they are defending a country that accepts homosexuality
5:18 – LA Marathon is coming up, the 21st. Seth will be there. There are 289 people who have run all 20 LA Marathons; they’re called “Legacy Runners” 25,000 runners in all
31:05 – Chicago police come to arrest man after having fight with girlfriend, hurls objects at cops including his own severed penis (Seth: “Junior Mints, a lamp, a potted plant, a Shamrock Shake and a cock. Take that!”)
33:57 – A 15-year-old boy whose followers believe he’s the reincarnation of Buddha has disappeared after 10 solid months of meditation in the jungles of Nepal. He has been sitting cross-legged and motionless with his eyes closed on the roots of a tree with no food or water since May 17, 2005. Jah thinks he got eaten by a Tiger or cut by the Chinese or he got up and went to find a Shamrock Shake
35:33 – Federal authorities seized 250 counterfeit $1 billion bills. The swindlers tried to convince the elderly victims that the notes were recovered from caves in the Phillipines where freedom fighters stashed them in World War II
57:47 – Guy on a COPS episode – explanation why he doesn’t come to the door: “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘love is blind?’ Well you should try fear.”
25:13 – Seth lists off the AVN Award winners
35:12 – Deborah Lafave overview, interview with ex-husband Owen Lafave.
54:27 – Horn Lake, Mississippi cops break into what they think is a meth lab, beat down an 80-year-old couple while sleeping
56:23 – In his upcoming movie Alpha Dog, Justin Timberlake is playing a tough guy, yet is sporting a Chinese tattoo that translates into “ice skating”
52:53 – Babies in bars
54:13 – FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women – Jenny McCarthy is No. 7
54:58 – Matisyahu has some stiff competition on the reggae charts: Bob Marley (deceased) and Ziggy Marley
14:13 – Next weekend in Palm Springs – the White Party – the hottest bodies around. It’s the gay party of the year. You dress in white if you’re dressed at all
53:27 – 35 million Americans wear contacts, including Seth. Optometrists have found a new eye fungus, fuserium, which drops on the cornea.
56:20 – The new fuserium outbreak originally mentioned in Episode 009 is a result of people using Bausch & Lomb Renu contact solution. Seth thinks the Chicago Tylenol murderer who used cyanide in 1982 is now tampering with the contact solution
12:53 – At gay pride parade in June, Castro district is going to have gay families involved – kids clad in Village People outfits dancing around on floats. Seth: “Assless rubber chaps and crocs. Hey I’m 6. No. No! You live in the suburbs. Just play T-ball. Stop wearing chaps. Stop being on floats. Stop it.”
49:09 – Purcell, OK police chief David Tompkins potential motive: “This appears to be another one of those kidnap a person, rape em, torture em, kill em, cut off their head, drain their body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, dispose of the organs, bury the bones.”
51:04 – Mark Ecko pulls internet hoax by painting an airplane like Air Force One and acting like they spray painted it rogue style
59:40 – Webster’s adds a new word for the dictionary in ’05: jimmy hat
19:03 – Charlie Sheen took a portrait of his wedding day, spray-painted DUMBEST DAY OF MY LIFE and then took a chainsaw to it
50:05 – Gas prices are so high in L.A. that dudes are purposely running out of gas so the courtesy trucks will pull up and give them a gallon
25:28 – Of the 32 countries at the World Cup, every single country has a flag of their country on the back of their bus except U.S.A. so they won’t blow us up
38:54 – A review of CBS News Sunday Morning’s Into the Future: 2001 segment from 1986: rep from GM says car will be commanded by own voice; bathroom will be a crazy collage with a stationary bike and bed, etc.
41:21 – More collect calls are made on Father’s Day than any other day. Seth: “Hey dick dad – thanks for raping me. I hate you and you’re going to die! Sperm donor dad! Click.”
41:56 – The United States Postal Service (USPS) has created a Forever Stamp that will always be usable, despite the rising costs of postage.
51:00 – Ohio man being put to death leans up to executioner after lethal injection is given: “It’s not working.”
54:01 – Top 20 ringtones as of today: #1 is a tie between the Halloween theme song and the Super Mario Bros. theme song
49:03 – Boyfriend came into gas station where girl worked, doused her in gas and set her on fire. Brother of victim: “She was the sweetest person. She had a fire in her that you would just love.”
59:35 – Newlywed couple pleads not guilty to drug charges in front of the same judge who pronounced them husband and wife the day before
3:58 – Anderson Cooper watches Super Sweet 16 Part 2 and Tiara Girls on MTV
5:59 – Louisiana Democrat William Jefferson was taking bribes, was caught with $90,000 wrapped in aluminum foil in his freezer
7:25 – New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is re-elected, and talks about N.O. being a “chocolate city” and keeping it that way: “You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk and it becomes a delicious drink. That’s the kind of chocolate I’m talking about.”
14:49 – In Sidney, Neb., a man sexually assaulted a young child. The judge acknowledges that the man is guilty, but she sentences him to 10 years probation because he’s only 5-foot-1, and says he’s too short to go to prison
18:35 – Grown men going to HS football games, bringing video cameras and training them on the cheerleaders and selling them on the internet
48:15 – Last weekend a guy dressed up in full Freddy Krueger regalia attacked a homeless man on Hollywood and La Brea and put him in the hospital
48:56 – In Cincinnati, a vampire man protests the new Garlic Cheeseburger at White Castle
52:09 – Sir Edmund Hillary outraged at mountain climber who left another to die (Mark Ingles – double amputee who was previously rescued leaves other to die)
0:38 – Third baseman for Long Beach State baseball team up for top college player of the year. His name? Evan Longoria. Seth: “Does Evan Longoria listen to our show?” (55:15)
4:52 – Anderson Cooper is “so into The Hills” and can’t wait for “Beyond the Break”
55:51 – 24-year-old Cory Favreau stabs his mom with a sharp cross-shaped object over disagreement about American Idol contestant Katherine McPhee
18:52 – A man has fucked a pony to death while two dudes watched
21:33 – Omni Magazine’s predictions made in 1979 (ex.: In a few years ESP will not be fiction – it will be fact. By the late ’80s, we’ll have cloned human beings.; A modern subway will carry passengers from NYC to LA in 21 minutes at a cost of $54. Top speed: 14,000 mph)
1:44 – Girls at Arizona State University doing the “Arizona Double Dip” – get a Mystic tan, then immediately get on tanning beds and bake Mystic tan into their bodies
33:06 – New ringtone referred to as “mosquito ringtone” that has a frequency so high it will drive kids away from particular places. Kids can text each other in class without teachers knowing.
43:55 – “Deadcasts.” Live feeds via the internet where you can attend a funeral service
6:10 – Crazy words added to Webster’s Dictionary (ex: mouse potato) Jah: “You’re such a mouse potato! Why don’t you get out and take a walk?!”
3:33 – Oregon man sues Nike and Phil Knight because he looks like Michael Jordan
16:52 – Trucker driving cross country and killing prostitutes gets caught by walking into a police station with a woman’s breast in his front pocket
41:59 – This Week In Brazil: 9-year-old woman becomes the youngest documented mother in the history of man
3:37 – Pete Coors gets a DUI
18:55 – Haley Joel Osment flips his ’95 Saturn on the freeway (Seth: “There’s a rule in Hollywood: You can’t drive a car that’s older than the year you were nominated for an academy award.”)
24:04 – Rehash of story about boyfriend shoving cell phone down girlfriend’s mouth – jury lets him off b/c apparently they buy the story of her trying to swallow the phone to hide the numbers from her boyfriend
56:25 – “Bagging” – kids stick heads in bags of mothballs
40:10 – Crazy minor league baseball team promotions: Newark Bears – Britney Spears Baby Safety Night; Michigan Devil Rays – picked 3 lucky fans and sent them home with their own grounds crew; Altoona Curves – Awful Night game – do everything to make experience as unpleasant as possible for the fans, including having people heckle them and selling bottomless beer cups (you can purchase the bottom of the cup for 13 cents); Hagarstown Suns – Pre-planned Funeral Night, where one lucky fan was given a $6,500 value funeral; Nobody Night – tried to set record for lowest baseball attendance for a minor league baseball game, so fans were locked out of the game until the fifth inning when it became official; Father’s Day giveaway where two fans received a free vasectomy; first 500 fans received frozen popsicles shortly after Ted Williams’ son tried to cryogenically freeze Ted’s body
54:18 – Provincetown, MA: Gays verbally abusing straights by calling them “breeders.”
7:20 – U.S. Army having trouble recruiting people; raises the maximum enlistment age from 40 to 42 in the first week of June ’06. Five dudes have signed up since.
52:44 – Jamaican sprinter Asafa Powell can’t get on a plane because of custom shoes
54:30 – Long time listener, first time killer Wayne Adam Ford enters police station with tit in pocket (first mentioned in Episode 023 @ 16:52) … Victoria Redstall falls in love with him. Now Jah’s falling in love with her.
7:27 – On Google searching, these words come up the most in the state of Utah: Jesus, second coming, scrapbooking, digiscrapping, UYD, baby names, potty training, quilting, barbie
48:21 – PETA activists go back to given birth names (Christopher Garnett – last three years known as “KentuckyFriedCruelty.com” Karen Roberts changed name to “GoVeg.com” Another changed name to “RinglingBeatsAnimals.com”)
12:39 – Study released by GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) shows that for the fall 06 TV schedule, there are a total of only 14 LGBT characters (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender)
32:53 – America’s Drunkest Cities – 1) Milwaukee, 2) Minneapolis/St. Paul, 3) Columbus, OH, 4) Boston, 5) Austin, 6) Chicago, 7) Cleveland, 8) Pittsburgh, 9) Philadelphia, 10) Providence RI
47:06 – Ron Artest to kids: “Someone started trouble, and I ended it.”
20:31 – Flat daddy – life-size photo of your dad who’s in Iraq so kids can pretend that he’s still there
1:35 – State Fair of Texas specializes in crazy fried foods: first-ever corn dog; first fried Twinkie; deep-fried Coca-Cola
18:09 – Iran claims they’ve found a cure for AIDS
25:33 – Mancations – vacation for the boys to roll out
46:19 and 54:53 – Best names in NFL: Samari Rolle, Peerless Price, Jabari Greer, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Ebanezer Ekuban, Takeo Spikes, Jeremetrius Butler, Laverneaus Coles, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Boss Bailey, Deuce McAlister, Tully Banta-Cain, Asante Samuel, Ty Law, Frostee Rucker, Chika Okafor, Tank Johnson, Bubba Franks, Anquan Boldin, Jevon Kearse, Marques Tuiasasopo, Na’il Diggs
48:54 – Crazy religious community in the Ozarks of Missouri – child predator charges filed against pastor. He says he was ordained by God to fulfill needs of these young girls by giving them Angel Kisses: Seth re-enacts scene with kissing sound effects: If it didn’t feel good, God wouldn’t let me do it. God’s good. It’s an angel kiss
21:17 – FDA warns U.S. citizens not to drink hydrogen peroxide for medical purposes
24:03 – Furniture store owner in Chicago guarantees free furniture if Bears shut out Packers, Bears won 26-0 and he is out $400,000 in furniture
26:30 – Kids choose to eat rocks with Spongebob stickers on them instead of real fruit
36:32 – Taking Action for Animals conference in D.C. – president of Humane Society suggests a new term for dogs: “Canine Americans.”
24:13 – Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell all fired from SNL. Jah: “If Tim Meadows can’t get fired, how the fuck can Horatio Sanz get fired?!”
31:21 – The “Red-Headed Stranger” Willie Nelson got pulled over with a pound and a half of marijuana and 91 grams of mushrooms
36:11 – LW McNutt Jr. – Collin Street Bakery famous for mail-order holiday fruitcakes. From October – December, 1.5 million are sold. One customer was turned away in 1979 – Ayatollah Khomeini following Iran hostage crisis
43:54 – Gary Glitter’s song "Rock & Roll Part 2" has been banned from NFL stadiums b/c Glitter is a peed
45:43 – Oxford Dictionary’s new words: aerobicised, hoodie, crunk, yogalates, etc.
31:50 – People wearing Crocs getting stuck on escalators and trampled
50:24 – Ohio doctor stripped of his license after treating patients by “traveling back in time and healing them before their injury occurs.”
54:06 – Sarah Evans (country artist who sang “Cheatin’”) dropped out of Dancing With the Stars because her husband was in fact cheating on her
20:07 – National Retail Federation releases list of top 10 best-selling lists for men and women. Girls are the usual, but the guys are crazy: #4 – Star Wars; #7 – Matrix; also “Pirate,” “Funny” and “Goth” themes, etc.
12:40 – Martin Cooper placed first mobile phone call in 1973 – helped invent it
24:26 – Footage surfaces of Army recruiters lying to potential recruits, saying they wouldn’t have to go to Iraq. One dude: I like sandwiches. I’m watching the news yesterday, some dude got shot and killed at a Subway. What’s the deal? You go there you get shot by Jared. Seth: "I like Happy Meals. I heard about some kid that got raped in the parking lot of a McDonald’s in Green Bay, Wisconsin. What’s up? You wanna get raped? I’d rather get shot than raped. Sign right here. And then let me put my cock in your mouth.”
19:43 – There are currently 12,000 Starbucks in the U.S. but they want 20,000 in a couple years. They’re opening 5 stores a day and their revenue was close to $8 billion for 2005 worldwide
7:58 – U2charist – Episcopalian churches across the country are kicking off Sunday masses with “Pride” and “In The Name Of Love”
11:33 – At the annual meeting of American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology in Philadelphia this week, they find that many women are allergic to their spouse’s semen. One solution is allergy shots with small doses of the male partner’s semen and the other is a technique called intravaginal seminal graded challenge (ISGC)
23:35 – Heidi Fleiss is opening a stud farm with first big stallion under contract, Mike Tyson
42:00 – People getting shot and nerds getting jumped outside of game stores for their PS3s
12:55 – Heidi Fleiss’s stud farm mentioned in Episode 039 turns out to be a farce
17:05 – Woman taken off Delta Airlines flight for breastfeeding
20:27 – Jones Soda crazy flavors: Broccoli Casserole, Corn on the Cob and Brussel Sprout, Fish Taco and Curry Chicken
23:05 – Maurice Graham aka “King of the Hobos” passes away; Seth delves into hobo vocabulary (sloptart = girl who will give you sexual pleasure in exchange for a weapon)
40:23 – American teens are texting while driving (TWD) and getting in fender benders. Hovering over these teens are “helicopter parents,” parents who “hover” over their children’s lives from Kindergarten through college
1:01:27 – University of Georgia has installed gender-neutral restrooms for transgendered students
6:19 – British magazine Q lists 20 best songs of last 20 years, and most of them are shitty
25:40 – Military reviewing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy
31:53 – Military using silly string in Iraq so it will land on trip wires when they’re going through doors
33:22 – E-mail turns 35 this week. 60 billion e-mails sent every day
35:00 – Man suing IBM for $5 million for wrongful termination. He was fired for surfing sex sites all the time. He says it was self medication for his post-traumatic stress disorder
36:31 – Utah Jazz’ new arena being renamed as Energy Solutions Arena, but people are upset because it’s a low-level nuclear waste company
37:52 – Boston Garden holds one-day auction for highest bidder to name the arena. Stockbroker in New York makes highest bid to name it the Derek Jeter Center, but they wouldn’t allow it and had another charity outbid him
48:13 – Actor Richard Belzer has played the character Det. John Munch on at least 7 different primetime TV shows
13:58 – Laughter yoga – builds lung capacity, relieves excess stress, has aerobic benefits. There are 60 certified laugh instructors just in the Los Angeles area alone. Jah has seen it from Jeremy Piven’s Journey of a Lifetime
15:11 – Day spas for infants is the new craze. Baby massage, baby yoga, baby sign language classes, body scrubs, facials, etc. They take the babies and roll them around in warm spaghetti
29:09 – During Super Bowl in ’04 they showed old commercials from ’84; Seth reflects on the first fax machine commercial
42:24 – “Armed and Famous” – celebrities sworn in as reserve police officers by Muncie, Indiana PD: Erik Estrada, Latoya Jackson, Jack Osborne, Wee Man and Trish Stratus
48:00 – Denny Welch (1,500 lbs.) inviting neighborhood kids over to watch gay porn
53:43 – The Laugh Factory fines comedians $20 now if they say the n-word on stage. Damon Wayans went up there with a handful of $20s and dropped 17 n-bombs in his routine
0:50 – Jack Kevorkian is going to be paroled and will be UYD’s first in-studio guest. They’re waiting on Brian Bosworth and Danger Mouse, but they’ll take Kevorkian in Episode 069 and be killed live on the show
2:25 and 8:17 – Consumer Affairs Top 10 scams of 2006: 7) gas pellets; 8) grandparents scam; 9) Oprah scam promising tickets to a taping; etc.
12:48 – On Jan. 1, NBA goes back to leather ball. Dan Shannon, the manager of campaigns for PETA, sent an open letter to the NBA. Claims that they will give a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any player who will support the microfiber ball.
22:09 – National Prison Rape Elimination Commission met this week and found out that people get raped in prison – about 1,000 each week for the last 20 years
41:58 – North Dakota still has laws against unmarried couples living together – registered as a sex offense
45:23 – Celiacs can’t enjoy beer because of the wheat and gluten they are susceptible to – 3 million Americans suffer from Celiac Disease
10:20 – P Diddy comes under fire for a jacket from his winter collection, advertised as imitation fur, but the Human Society purchased some of the jackets, ran tests and found out they come from a Chinese breed of dog that resembles a raccoon. Macy’s agrees to stop selling the coat, Diddy says “I dunno.”
24:49 – Mike Tyson was arrested in Arizona for driving into a police car and wiping white powder off the dash and having two huge bags of coke on him. He began crying and saying “I’m a cocaine addict.”
25:40 – A junior high school in Iowa City has banned hugging
30:38 – Flight rerouted from New York to Maine, they had to turn it back and land it because a male passenger handed a note to a stewardess written by God
41:31 – Response Options teaches us how to prevent school shootings – throw books and backpacks at the shooter
6:26 – On Nov. 7, 2006, at 4:30 p.m. at Chicago O’Hare Airport, up to 12 employees of United Airlines reported seeing a UFO
13:17 – Army sends letters to 75 dead soldiers asking them to return to active duty
39:02 – Tom Sizemore movie Zyzzyx Road – played at one theater in Dallas and grossed $30 over six days
41:08 – Bush administration officials have ordered the National Park Service to not give an official age for the Grand Canyon
54:24 – Man who saves guy in subway gets free subway rides for li— a year.
20:30 – AVN Best Film from Wicked Pictures: Fuck
39:17 – CVS starts to put condoms behind the counter
40:52 – Designer Babies and Deformer Babies
42:55 – Pillow angel – 4-foot-5 and 65 pounds at 9 years old. Doctors estimate she’ll be 5-6, 115-120 pounds as an adult, but the parents are giving her hormones that will keep her from getting any bigger so she will be easier to take care of
45:59 – Gang member with bullet stuck in head
49:58 – Pizza chain getting death threats because they are now accepting pesos. (Seth mispronounces Pizza Patrón)
52:12 – Oh Snap! story – college student sends professor disc filled with child pornography instead of final exam
0:44 and 6:11 – Promotion by two Sacramento DJs – “Hold your wee for a Wii.”
4:43 – Mitchell Hultz, 15, receives FBI medal at high school: “Git ’er Dun!!!”
10:16 – Harris poll polls a few thousand people across the country to count the top 10 TV personalities in the country: 1) Oprah, 2) Jon Stewart, 3) Bill O’Reilly, 4) House, 5) Letterman, 6) Leno, 7) Jack Bauer, 8) Ellen, 9) Conan O’Brien, 10) Ray Romano
15:08 – Feb. 17, 2009 is the last day of analog; July 7, 2007 will be the most popular wedding date ever
17:42 – L.A. trying to crack down on medical marijuana dispensaries (where Seth works). In less than a year the city has gone from four to 98. Undercover dude went in with a headache and the guy behind the counter tells him he needs some weed. Monday night at the Golden Globes, LAPD Chief of Police William Bratton and his wife were seated at the table with the cast of Weeds
19:45 – Representative from New Hampshire trying to pass a bill to legalize marijuana. The only problem is that his name is Charles Weed.
24:52 – Vivid Video the first to do a Blu-ray porn DVD
40:29 – 29-year-old impersonating 12-year-old and boning 61-year-old dude, another dude joins the mix
9:50 – National Academy of Sciences Institute of Medicine conducted a study that finds that due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting, over 7,000 people are killed every year and 1.5 million are injured due to unclear abbreviations in dosage indications on prescription pads
19:14 – Brian Lang, public access show host guaranteed Superbowl ticket from Chris Harris, Harris holds out on him. “Nah, I was just playin’. I just play like that. I’m a playa. I play. Do you play dog??! Or do you lie??!”
54:34 – Tony Snow says “Play that funky music, white girl” to White House correspondent Martha Raddatz after her cell phone goes off to the ringtone “Ridin’” by Chamillionaire
57:22 – Transit chief for city of Los Angeles being interviewed by LA Times reporter who writes about cutting down on smog, etc., and the transit chief drives a Hummer
16:32 – Signs up in Beijing in preparation for the ’08 Olympics: THE SLIPPERY ARE VERY CRAFTY; SHOW MERCY TO THE SLENDER GRASS; DEFORMED MAN (over picture of handicapped toilet); fertility clinic features movie poster with Steve Martin and Cheaper by the Dozen; HOSPITAL FOR ANUS DISEASE; CUNT EXAMINATION with an arrow pointing toward the gynecological clinic; PLEASE ENJOY USE OF THIS FRESH AND COOL STICK THAT QUENCH THIRST WILL on a dude’s ice cream wrapper; HE REPAIRS COTTAGES AND ALSO PLANTS FLOWERS. HIS EAGERNESS TO DO GOOD MAKES HIM ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR on the Alien 2 DVD cover
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
42:33 – Former NBA player John Amaechi comes out and tells the world he is homosexual. Players from the Philadelphia 76ers are not down with it
58:46 – 23-year-old Scott Hines of Augusta, Md., is being sued by the Recording Industry of America for illegal downloads. They’re randomly targeting people to send a message to the everyman. And what did Scott download? “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “What Would You Say?” by Dave Matthews Band and “Don’t Know Why” by Nora Jones. Jah: “You could square one over right away: He can’t even be sued for Tracy Chapman because that literally was the only way he could actually get a copy of that song. I live in Los Angeles. If you sent me out in the world right now, I could meet you back here in 24 hours. I could scour the city and I could somehow not find that song.”
12:16 – The Whale Man is busted in New Jersey. He goes around to middle schools and assemblies and teaches the kids about whales. On his website he has a whale t-shirt, big glasses and a beret. Known all over New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New York. Neighbor calls NJ state troopers to tell them he’s got mad weed growing at his house – ends up having 192 pot plants. They tell him they need to bring him in for questioning. Whale Man says he has to get contact info off his computer, and state trooper sees a photo of a whale head and a kid’s prick and body – Whale Man tries to pour Tang on computer – dude had 400+ images of child porn on the computer. Quotes from teachers on Whale Man’s website: Whale Man, you truly know children and know how they enjoy you. … Whale Man, you certainly have a unique talent for kids. … Whale Man, I was impressed with your ability for making the children proud of their curiosity. Seth: “Ask, believe, receive, six months in prison.”
17:22 – “Pint for a Pint” – college students donating blood, then taking money and drinking and letting it get through the bloodstream faster and getting wasted
19:15 – To save energy, Congress has changed Daylight Savings from the first Sunday in April to the second Sunday in March. Seth calls it a “Mini Y2K” that could cripple the world for up to 6 seconds – which means nothing will happen, just like during Y2K, when Seth fled California for Abiquiu, N.M.
23:46 – Eddie Feigner passes away at 81 – started the original King and his Court 4-man softball team that Seth’s father took him to see when he was a boy. They played more than 11,000 games and won more than 10,000. His fast-pitch softball was one of the top 10 of all time according to ESPN. Fastest ball he threw clocked in at 104 mph
39:48 – Tours at zoos all about animal sex (“Jungle Love”- NYC, “Woo at the Zoo” – San Francisco)
46:13 – 380 California inmates have voluntarily moved to other for-profit prisons. 7,000 will be forcibly moved by the summer. Inmates scheduled for deportation are the first to go, most violent will be next and people with the fewest visitors are next. Inmate who moves to a Tennessee prison: “You get 79 channels here including ESPN in HD. Get here!”
51:21 – Guy bidding on Price Is Right Showcase Showdown: “250,000. … oh wait, I mean, $60,000”
4:09 – NAACP Image awards – Best male lead: Isaiah Washington
34:23 – Splash and grab in Massachusetts – douse a cashier’s face with hot coffee and take the register
35:17 – It’s quite fashionable in the UK for young girls to get pregs. Jah does a female British accent: Like all me mates would see me bump right, and then I’m like, I want one of them.
42:38 – Netflix ships its 1 billionth DVD – took 7 ½ years to do it (7 mos. less than it took McDonald’s to sell their billionth hamburger). It was a guy from Texas and he received a lifetime free subscription to Netflix. What was his movie? Jah guesses The Marine, but it was Babel.
47:44 – Kevin Russell of Gary, IN, arrested at Chase Bank for trying to cash a check signed by God
48:44 – UPS has an agreement with cities to get tickets and then write one big check at the end of the year – wrote a check for $18.7 million to New York City for 2006
49:30 – San Francisco proclaims Feb. 23 as “Colt Studio Day” – only Colt Studio turns out to be a gay porn production studio
52:18 – New steroid ring is exposed, found a book with the name Evan Fields in it with a phone number. Evander Holyfield answers the phone and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Seth: “Hey, when you answer the phone because there’s a number next to your name, you straight did it.”
5:35 – 30-year-old guy and a 54-year-old guy collided in the middle of a two-way road, both were shitfaced drunk and went to prison for DUIs
11:50 – Bausch & Lomb is still trying to blind people. Now they’re putting too much iron in their Multi Plus solution
12:49 – 41% of people over the age of 18 visiting Myspace are older than 35. Seth: “What are 35-year-olds doing on Myspace?” Jah: “Catching up.”
13:58 – River City Bagel & Bakery in Boise, Idaho, ran an add in the Boise Weekly – had three bagels stacked on top of each other with a stack of coffee, read OUR BAGELS ARE LIKE VAGINAS. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?
30:02 – Blues Traveler frontman John Popper is pulled over by a state trooper in Washington state … they found weed and a pipe on him, then searched the car to find numerous secret weapon compartments, in which contained 4 rifles, 9 handguns, an oversized switchblade, a taser gun, night-vision goggles, flashing emergency light sirens and a public address system
50:02 – Northwest Airlines baggage person tries to spoon girl on plane, then creams on her
2:21 – Guy is suing the FCC because he says Prince’s Super Bowl halftime performance left him with erectile dysfunction; another mother is upset because it might turn her son gay
3:12 – Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, is discovered to have faulty toilet piping that is connected to a storm drain instead of the sanitary sewer system. Since the park opened in 2001, a steady stream of shit has been going into the Menomonee River, which flows straight into Lake Michigan
4:33 – Ben Affleck is narrating a new sports DVD called “Red Sox Baby: Raising Tomorrow’s Boston Red Sox Fan Today.” It prepares infants to become Sox fans, and teaches counting, spelling, shape and color recognition. Seth: “I didn’t have that DVD, nor did anyone I know, and we didn’t have any problems getting indoctrinated into that Nation.”
31:05 – Registered sex offender in Sonora, Calif., arrested after a police officer who was sitting in his patrol car watched him drive around an elementary school several times and then sit and park there. Looks inside the van and the dude is wearing a full marching band uniform, and has children’s toys and a box marked CINDERELLA containing hardcore porn DVDs
31:52 – Lindsey Ashford, self-professed pedophile, has handicapped the 2008 presidential election based on the cuteness of the candidate’s daughters/granddaughters
35:02 – New Mexico signs legislation to outlaw cockfighting, leaving one state in the union where it is still legal: Louisiana
43:56 – National Association of Home Builders said that by 2015, 60% of all custom-built homes built in the U.S. will have a small twist – separate bedrooms for couples
46:56 – Morning Sentinel newspaper in Maine revealed the lottery winner this week, included a photo of the person with their name, address, telephone number and social security number in the newspaper
56:15 – Army recruiting top-notch paintball players
56:34 – Muslims in Twin Cities won’t handle pork, so supermarkets are going haywire b/c no pork will be handled whatsoever, even if it’s wrapped up
1:10 – Jerry Springer asks Miss Rhode Island: “If you could ban the use of anything in the world, what would it be?” Answer: “It would be probably using your cell phone while driving. I don’t know if it’s a problem here in Hollywood, but it’s a huge problem back home.” Miss Tennessee said she would be Will Smith if she could be any man.
2:31 – Ted Turner speaking at Bay Area conference about clean energy, relationship between Chinese and Americans: “The Chinese are very smart. I mean, have you ever met a dumb Chinaman?”
5:31 – Guy is suing Nickelodeon for $1.6 billion because he claims he created Spongebob Squarepants in 1991
8:06 – After 75 years, Hollywood has declared that there will no longer be a Hollywood Christmas Parade. The last image we have of the 75 years of the parade is Paul Wall and Brooke Hogan singing “Don’t Mean Nothin” in front of the Kodak Theatre.
25:15 – On March 28, Grand Canyon officially opens Grand Canyon Avenue, a glass-bottomed platform that goes 70 feet out over the western rim of the Grand Canyon – cost $40 million to build
27:49 – Joseph Brill pulled over for drunk driving in Albuquerque, N.M. They took him back to the station and realized he’d been suspended 27 times for DUIs
56:29 – Postal rates are going up on May 14, from 39 cents to 41 cents; and then 24 cents to 26 cents for a postcard. They have authorized you to buy Forever stamps, so you can use them no matter what a first-class rate changes to during your lifetime.
11:49 – Army recruiter Marcia Ramode’s e-mail to gay black man Corey Andrew: “…go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo wango and tango dance. Go prance around half-naked. That’s what you do.”
19:46 – Kentucky woman is suing Lil’ Wayne because she was injured at one of his concerts after he made it rain and she was trampled by the crowd. Suing for $150,000.
25:34 – Simpsons producers in talks to change some 7-11s to Qwik-E-Marts for the movie’s opening in late July
51:02 – NIT champion t-shirts: WEST VIRGINA
52:05 – 14-year-old Rhode Island kid dies in a car accident; friends hold a makeshift memorial service that night at the spot where he died, his best friend is the last to leave and plays the boy’s favorite song on the guitar when another dude comes around the corner, nails him and kills him in a hit-and-run
3:16 – Follow-up on “Hold your wee for a Wii” radio station promotion where the woman died – family had filed wrongful death lawsuit, but prosecutors said they would not file criminal charges against KDND 107.9
8:15 – Ian Ziering, on dancing with Cheryl Burke in Dancing with the Stars: “After this, people will remember me for my hit television show, Beverly Hills 90310
13:24 – 101-year-old man goes into DMV in Washington state, passes driving test and has valid license for five years. Gets in his 2001 Impala and people are running – his first car was his parents’ Model T
23:18 – Little league baseball in Ohio wants to ban infield chatter that is in any way negative to the other team. Seth heard a little boy look up to a reporter and ask, Can we still steal bases?
25:04 – 30-year-old woman in a mall in Washington state posing as a 17-year-old orphan boy named Mark. Sees 14-year-old girl, hits on her, girl’s Vietnamese immigrant parents allow the lovestruck girl to bring Mark into the house. Mark begins having serious, intimate detailed sexual activity with the girl but is also beating her. Cop finds 30-year-old’s car, runs tags and finds her with outstanding warrants. 14-year-old girl used to question Mark’s gender but every time she did, she got beat
59:05 – LG National Texting Championships
2:05 – Turner County HS in Ashburn, Ga. (pop. 4,000) holds first integrated prom
7:41 – 111th Boston Marathon is on Monday – Red Sox-Angels game is at 10 a.m. in conjunction with the marathon. Kenyans have won the race 14 out of the last 16 years
12:06 – America loves big boobs. Breast augmentation has increased 700% in the U.S. in the last 10 years. National Retail Federation reports that shop manikins will have to have enlarged breasts up to 40 DDs to be realistic
22:12 – Atlanta airport is having trouble with dudes blowing each other in the bathrooms
32:30 – Stevie Wonder paying $30,000 for a Grammy he won in 1974 for Best Album for Inner Visions. He never reported it stolen. Stevie is blind and also can’t smell.
34:08 – Archbishop of Chicago, Cardinal Frances George, was hospitalized on Easter with a hip fracture after slipping on some holy water
42:45 – Larry King is celebrating his 50th year on broadcasting and his 200th year on earth. He wants Ryan Seacrest to replace him.
52:34 – Sands Casino in Atlantic City that closed in 2006 was taking out machines and found $17,000 in coins underneath the machines, etc.
2:12 – Tim Gorman, writer for the Boston Globe, ran the Boston Marathon wearing a Derek Jeter jersey and a Yankees hat as a social experiment. He ran 26 miles in the rain with people bumping him, heckling him, starting “Yankees Suck!” chants, no one offering him water. Says it’s the last time he will do the social experiment
3:30 – Red Sox-Angels game was supposed to start at 10 a.m. on the morning of the Boston Marathon, but there was a 2-hour rain delay that allowed all the Massholes to get shitfaced. JD Drew hits a pop-up into the stands, Angels OF Garrett Anderson tries to make the play into the stands and beer goes all over the fans. A couple minutes later a disheveled dude wearing a Patriots jacket chunks a slice of pizza and hits the dude who missed the ball and got beer on him, yelling “How do you like that pizza?!”
49:00 – ABC game – kids try to tolerate the letters of the alphabet being scratched into their skin. Girl in Utah has a flesh-eating bacteria from playing this game
51:35 – First mention of the rainbow game
54:14 – Thieves are stealing Prius stickers to get the HOV benefits
1:42 – Seth follows up on Turner County HS integrated prom. Female student who couldn’t go: “My mommy and daddy don’t agree with being with the colored people.”
22:59 – Mike Penner – “Old Mike, New Christine”
30:04 – On June 3, more than 2,000 guitarists will gather at Community America Ballpark in Kansas City for the longest ensemble performance of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water.” Guiness will be on hand to see if it beats the 1993 record of 1,300 guitarists in Vancouver
34:30 and 35:01 – Follow-up on “The Rainbow Game,” a.k.a. “Taste the Rainbow” or “Secret Rainbow” (Rainbow cookie recipe makes Seth nearly vomit live)
40:52 – Toledo Mudhens outfielder Shin-Soo Choo was booed because his name was similar to the VT shooter, Seung-Hui Cho
52:41 – Things getting worse for Joe Francis – he’s now being sued by an 18-year-old for groping her at the Geisha House
44:30 – NJ Comcast carrier accidentally shows hardcore porn instead of kid show Handy Manny
56:23 – Don Larsen, Utah state GOP chairman defending his resolution to stop illegal immigration: “In order for Satan to establish his new world order and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the United States.”
2:24 – Republican hopeful Tom Tancredo, after being asked his favorite fitness activity: “Hunting.”
10:47 – Love God’s Way – gay bands and safe bands
18:14 – Softball player at a high school in Shreveport, La., shows police photos and videos on her cell phone that her coach had sent to her of his balls and him jerking off
27:10 – Michelle Duggar, 40 years old, and her husband Jim Bob, are about to have their 17th baby in Arkansas. She had her first child at age 21: Joshua, 19; John-David and Jana, 17; Jill, 15; Jessa, 14; Jinger, 13; Joseph, 12; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 8; Jason, 7; James, 5; Justin, 4; Jackson Levi, 2; Johannah Faith, 19 months; and at the end of July is Jennifer Daniel – God willing. … Jah: “They’re all gifts from gross.”
41:37 – Jah reads 16 funny police comments taken off car videos across the country
54:47 – Woman in Wisconsin calls 911 asking for a nanny. Apparently she was watching Nanny 911 and missed the point (Episode 001, 23:05).
13:26 – TV networks unveil new shows. ABC picks up Cavemen based off the Geico ads. Also, Seth announces that Mr. Larroquette will join the cast of Boston Legal.
20:55 – Rights to domain name porn.com sells this week for $9.5 million. In 1997 it sold for $47,000. Sex.com sold for $11 million, still holding the record. (UhhYeahDude.com sold for $43)
25:30 – Dearborn, MI cop takes weed off suspects, makes pot brownies with wife and loses his shit, calls 911: Cop: I think I’m having an overdose and so is my wife. Operator: OK, you and your wife. An overdose of what? Cop: Marijuana. I don’t know if it had something in it. Operator: How much did you have? Cop: I don’t know. We made brownies and I think we’re dead. Time is going by really, really, really slow. Operator: OK, well I’m on the phone with you. Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: What? Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: I’ve got no clue. I don’t watch the Red Wings. Cop: OK, I just want to make sure it isn’t some hallucination I’m having.
54:40 – Massachusetts guy sneaks into brother’s girlfriend’s bed and bones down – gets off scot-free
57:26 – High school track coach in Scottsdale, Arizona, tells 17-year-old female athlete to come over to his house to get an “athletic massage.” Except the oil he uses turns out to be his own semen
3:02 – Elijah Dukes: “Yo dog, you dead dog.”
34:50 – Miss Universe contestant from Jamaica is a Rastafarian, breaking the stereotype that Rastafarians are interested in only two things. Jah speaks “Emperor Haile Selassie I” in a crazy Rasta voice at 35:44
52:26 – Love God’s Way (Episode 064) was a hoax
55:27 – Barbie Cummings
13:04 – Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya got injured playing Guitar Hero during the postseason, lied about it and then came clean later
13:32 – Star high school pitcher’s friend Daniel Hicks makes him sign a contract on a napkin that he’ll get 1% of his signing bonus—gets $3,000. David Wright turned down a huge contract to get .5% share in the company Vitamin Water. Glaceau sells Vitamin Water to Coca-Cola for $4 billion and Wright earns $20 million. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of Vitamin Water, made $400 million.
18:07 – Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick speaking at Johns Hopkins commencement: “It takes a chicken and a pig to make a bacon-and-egg breakfast. In life you need to commit and be the pig.”
18:57 – Jamie Mesada of the Laugh Factory signs Jon Lovitz to a lifetime Wednesday night residency
40:02 – There’s been a recall on AMO Complete Moisture Plus. It contains a parasite that ultimately leaves you blind.
41:08 – Jones Soda Co. beats out Coke and Pepsi to serve soda at Seattle Seahawks football games at Qwest Field. In 2006 Jones Soda’s revenue was $39 million; combined Coke and Pepsi revenue in the same year was $57 billion
42:05 – Jack In The Box spoofs Carl’s Jr. Angus burger ads and Carl’s Jr. is suing them, saying: “while they may find it humorous, the oral and phonetic similarities with anus, but that is erroneous.”
1:01:25 – Jah explains that if you haven’t been able to sign up in the forums, it’s because the dude who’s the UYD website administrator is a “fuckin’ jackass.” He also says he has no means of doing anything on the website
11:58 – Dr. David Matlock of Los Angeles has a procedure called “The G Shot” for $1,850, which is collagen injected into the Gräfenberg spot – it swells to the size of a quarter and spells great sex for anyone who receives it
46:24 – TiVo posts its first profit…. Finally
57:24 – Only 6 states in the union allow conjugal visits, but California is the first to allow overnight visits by gay and lesbian partners. Seth: “Isn’t that prison? Don’t you get a conjugal gay visit every day? Isn’t that breakfast?”
59:01 – The world’s smallest basketball team – The Tiny Trotters: “You don’t have to be tall to play ball.” They’re all under 4-foot-6 and their names are as follows: Turbo, Dynamite, Lil’ Lolo and Fo-Fo
2:17 – Elijah Dukes revisited
5:12 – Prom at Riverdale Christian Academy – theme is Southern Plantation During the Civil War
21:06 – Woman arrested at Iowa County Courthouse caught stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a storage closet. Name? Susanne Butts
21:18 – Police and state tax force raid strip club in Pasadena and charge a dozen strippers with excessive nudity
21:32 – Warren Lewis, a barber in N. Memphis, has been cutting brothas’ hair with fire since 1965. Shop caught on fire and sustained $25,000 worth of damage b/c of the air conditioner repairman installing an updated system
42:58 – Oilman Gary Milby went missing and had several investors looking for him; he’s found on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 standing in a Kentucky oilfield. His daughter Ariel is screaming “I love oil! Oil means shoes and cars and purses!”
44:15 – Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek (Tek 9) isn’t a big fan of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s tabby sock (Japanese sock where you put the foot in the sock and there’s a little container for each toe)
14:22 – Elijah Dukes again
17:19 – Following shooting in Wisconsin, neighbors were interviewed and said they shrugged it off as Fourth of July fireworks – except it happened in early June. Seth: “Pop! Pop! Pop! Oh-ho-ho! You kids! Getting a start on things, right? These neighborhood kids!”
21:02 – Seroquel might help your bipolar disorder, but you’ll basically die if you take it. Here are the side effects listed in the magazine ad in 6-pt type: WARNINGS: INCREASED MORTALITY IN ELDERLY PATIENTS WITH DYMENTIA-RELATED PSYCHOSIS. PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY CAREFULLY AND THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR: PELVIC PAIN, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, CHILLS, FACE ADEMA, GUM HEMORRHAGE, IRREGULAR PULSE, RECTAL HEMORRHAGE, TONGUE ADEMA, AMNESIA, HALLUCINATIONS, HYPERKINESIA, MONONUCLEOSIS, ABNORMAL GAIT, PARANOID REACTION, URINARY RETENTION, INCOORDINATION, LIBIDO INCREASE, LIBIDO DECREASE, STOMATITIS, HEMORROIDS, GOUT, ACNE, ECZEMA, VAGINAL HEMMORRHAGE, FEMALE LACTATION, KIDNEY FAILURE, EYE PAIN, BONE PAIN, VULVA VAGINITIS, TASTE PERVERSION. Jah: “It’s fine, it’s fine. Just take it.”
24:38 – Hostess is bringing back the banana filling in Twinkies
34:33 – Sports Illustrated Players section interviews Venus Williams, asks her about her perfect day. She said at night she would go to a concert because her favorite band is 311.
41:06 – Sir Isaac Newton in 1704 studied the book of Daniel in the Bible and concluded that the world would end in 2060
41:29 – Most popular baby names of 2000-2006. 14 million boys and 14 million girls have been born this millennium. Boys – 1) Jacob, 2) Michael. Girls – 1) Emily, 2) Madison. #986 for boys – Glen. #997 – Kanye. #980 for girls – Unique. #989 – Baby. #77 for boys – Seth. #175 – Jonathan.
2:42 – New term sockpuppetry, where cyber vandals become rogue Wikipedians and submit information under fake names
4:01 – Chris Benoit’s death was posted on Wikipedia before the cops even knew about it
6:35 – Larry King to Paris Hilton: “What hotel chain is your family associated with?”
8:30 – Rogue lesbian gangs are terrorizing the nation. Seth: “In a normal gang you are beaten in; a GTO you are eaten in.”
8:54 – The Bald Eagle is off the endangered species list
19:55 – During BET Awards 2007, host Monique dedicates show to “my sistas on the lockdown, cuz we all just one decision away.”
22:51 – Louisiana last state to ban cockfighting, vote is 97 to 1.
26:45 – Film critic Andy Jones has heart attack and dies in Arclight watching “A Mighty Heart.” … Seth: “How’s that for a review? … Your movie’s so boring, I died.” (28:45)
32:21 – Dude in Long Beach plays poker with buddies, gets shadrached, gets behind the wheel of his GMC Sierra pickup in downtown and starts slamming into 25 parked cars and 2 pedestrians while people are running: “I was just trying to find a place to park.”
42:31 – Some Rasta gets his head shaved in jail and he’s suing because it took 13 years for him to grow out some super dope dreds
50:31 – Padres fan makes it rain at Petco Park
7:39 – On July 8, 1947, the Roswell Daily Record ran this headline: RAAF CAPTURES FLYING SAUCER ON RANCH IN ROSWELL REGION. Town is celebrating 60th anniversary of the UFO crash July 5-8, featuring musical guests Alan Parsons and War, as well as appearances by Dean Haglund and seminars and lectures by authors, researchers, etc. More than 50,000 enthusiasts expected to show up. Apparently some of the instruments found in the ship were used to create the microwave oven
10:11 – On July 1, a bunch of new laws go into effect in Tennessee: ban on all motorcycle wheelies; illegal to have sex with an animal; age to buy fireworks goes from 10 to 16; if you show ass, cock or balls in prison, it’s considered indecent exposure; $200 fine if you knowingly leave a child under 7 in a car with no adult supervision; juveniles can lose their licenses by threatening to use any destructive device on campus
12:09 – Two teens were on Kenny G’s property in Malibu and begin throwing things down at a family on the beach. A 9-year-old girl got hit on the head with a Powerbar and had to get stitches. Kenny G’s wife went to the hospital and said she would pay for it. People said they saw signs that said MLO (Malibu Locals Only). Jah says there’s also PLB (Palisades Local Boys), TML (Topango Mas Locos)
14:52 – 7-7-07 – There are 30,000 weddings scheduled for this day (more than twice the normal summer amount) and other people are trying to have their babies on this day. Also, says Jah, Tupac Shakur is coming back. He’s Makaveli, the reincarnation of Niccoló Machiavelli – who faked his death to fool his enemies. This is why he’s coming back on 7-7-07: His badge, gang-related 115, is 1 + 1 + 5 = 7; twelve shots were fired at him and 5 hit him: 12 – 5 = 7; he was shot on the 7th of September and survived the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th, dying on Friday the 13th; he died at 4:03: 4 + 0 + 3 = 7; he was 25 years old when he died: 2 + 5 = 7. Jah thinks he’s coming back too.
27:46 – Gap Kids advertises a crocheted trim triangle bikini for young girls on its website
29:06 – WARNING: Chicago-area ice cream truck drivers. Police put a driver under surveillance b/c he was on probation for selling child pornography and was not supposed to be selling popsicles to kids; another driver exposed his prick to a 3-year-old and also happens to be a substitute teacher, on the Board of Education and an ordained minister
48:53 – Signs up in bus stops in LA: USING METH, ABUSING METH. Seth: “I think if you’re using meth, you’re abusing meth.” Montana Meth Project has crazy PSAs on YouTube.
2:11 – New Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary will include new words in the fall: ginormous, DVR, IED, Bollywood, Sudoku, krunk, tellanova, smackdown
6:51 – Minnesota has passed a law effective in 2008 – All American flags sold must be made within the U.S.A.
10:11 – Coca-Cola releases new can that resembles the “New Coke” can
15:20 – Repeat of America’s Funniest Home Videos drew bigger share than Live Earth.
15:35 – James Hetfield detained in the Luton Airport (close to London, England) for his “Taliban-like” beard. (Jah: “I’m in a band. Which one? Metalliban.”
31:04 – Prince’s new fragrance, 31 21 – more sensual than his old scent. Several other celebs have their own scents – Alan Cumming (Cumming), Antonio Banderas (Spirit), Calum Best (Calum), Carlos Santana (Carlos Santana) Seth: “That is the mixture of carne asada, marijuana and sweat.”, David Beckham (Instinct), Donald Trump (The Fragrance), Derek Jeter (Driven), Michael Jordan (Jordan)
44:25 – Since January, a monthly 3-hour tour run by Beauty Turner on Chicago’s south side called the “Ghetto Bus Tour” takes visitors through run-down slums and gives you stories about a South side that doesn’t exist anymore
8:15 – There are over 500,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. Currently, in Arizona and Colorado, a service called Child Help Alert will call you if a peed moves in your neighborhood. It costs less than $20 a year. Jah says not to go to the Megan’s Law website to look up your neighborhood. Seth: “My neighborhood lights up…. It is out of control.”
20:13 – Rednecks going into Wal-Marts and swiping price tags off picture frames and putting them on plasma TVs
38:57 – Vermont is the only state in the U.S. that does not have an IHOP
25:27 – Myspace pulled 29,000 registered sex offenders off its pages
39:33 – Guitar Hero III has included a bonus track by the most consistently requested band and song – Dragonforce’s “Through The Fire And Flames”
41:11 – All-Pro Football 2K8 features O.J. Simpson on a team called “The Assassins”
25:34 – Two companies have recalled products – Baby Bling Things and PeaNapod Bling. They both sold about 1,000 baby pacifiers that were ornamented with Swarovski crystals. The crystals can be detached and possibly inhaled or swallowed.
39:03 – Falcons website, medium pet set for $30 – Seth: “Yeah, you didn’t take that one down, did ya?”
53:29 – 23 people have killed themselves by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge this year. The very first suicide ever took place on August 7, 1937. Seth gives Jah the option between killing himself off the bridge or watching LA Ink on his birthday, and Jah opts to drive to San Francisco for the day.
22:00 – An overview of Cuba Gooding Jr’s career since winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry McGuire in mid-90s. The only movies Seth had seen were Boat Trip and Radio.
37:15 – Follow-up on All-Pro Football 2K8 – OJ Simpson’s team “The Assassins” has a mascot that is a hooded figure that makes a stabbing motion with a knife when they score
54:41 – Helmet boxing – dangerous new kids’ fight game
54:57 – Fire In the Hole – kids get biggest drink in drive through, whip it in drive-thru person’s face
24:33 – Seth reads from a section in the Los Angeles Times that features celebrity home listings: Celebrity hand model Rick Wagner has listed his 1927 Normandy style home in Los Feliz at $1.78 million. His neighbors include Mandy Moore, Vince Vaughn, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie. Wagner has been the on-camera hands for John Travolta, Dennis Quaid, Sting, Ryan Seacrest, Tim Allen and Jeff Goldblum, to name a few. Wagner says, “People recognize my hands before they recognize the rest of me.”
41:09 – Girls Gone Mild, a new modesty movement. Not bad or semi-clad. Jah: “You better fucking get with it.” Seth: “I ain’t gonna recognize that.” Jah: “You’d better respecognize that.” Seth: “I ain’t going to respecognize shit because we’re going to dress my daughter the way she wants to dress.”
9:41 – Seth dials up (915) 590-0115 to talk to Mindy at Hiney’s in El Paso to gather more info on this story: Man stabbed at Hiney’s, stumbles out, walked 4 ½ miles and collapses and dies at a Hooters
31:50 – Miss NC at Miss Teen USA, answering what the biggest risk she took in her life was: “…when I went to Canada and went snowboarding. It’s not like the mountains of North Carolina at all; it’s hard work. It was definitely a big risk for me. That was very hard, definitely… a risk.” Miss South Carolina, when asked why one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because …. uhh, some … people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and… uhh, I believe that our education, like, such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and… Our education in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
41:39 – After 13 years and 200 computers working on the problem—including a break from 1996-2001 because the most powerful computers at the time weren’t up to the task—researchers have solved the game of checkers. The result – a perfect game cannot be won or lost, but will inevitably end in a draw. Even the most skilled player can’t execute a cunning move designed to win; he can only avoid making a mistake that leads to a loss. Computers examined more than 500 billion different possible board combinations
19:58 – 21st Burning Man concludes in Nevada – dude hanging from noose in two-story tent, everyone thinks it’s avant garde art.
28:47 – Umbilicoplasty is a new cosmetic procedure that turns an outie into an innie. Jah: “What if you have an innie and you want an outie?” Seth: “You don’t… because why… would you want to puke?” Jah laughs hysterically
30:34 – Butt facials – range between $800-1,000, depending on the size of the butt. Created to tighten, lift, tone, cleanse and detox. Microderm abrasion procedure that focuses on cellulite, acne, wrinkles and veins for a perfect ass
42:31 – School district police officer in Houston produces “Ghetto Handbook” pamphlet
11:25 – Woman glues high-heeled shoes to man’s feet
22:48 – Pitzer College in Claremont, Calif. – new class called “Learning From You Tube”
32:57 – Dude volunteers to help at Denver animal shelter, then gets caught boning a dog
33:50 – Family brings 3-year-old into Indianapolis children’s health clinic to get a blood test, and the female lab technician bites the kid’s shoulder. Jah thinks biting the kid’s back is weirder than the other dude 69ing a German Shepherd: “Dogs don’t talk, dude.”
40:32 – Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee: “I’m pretty sure there’ll be duck hunting in Heaven, and I can’t wait.”
51:05 – We are on the cusp of having the first Playmate born in the 1990s
56:04 – Southwest Airlines boots another scantily-clad woman off a flight
7:52 – Beef recall – woman being interviewed inside of a grocery mart, got flustered: “It makes me feel very scared… I mean, really – I don’t know what to eat. What do I eat?”
8:48 – Barack Obama on the Tyra Banks show. Tyra: “Let’s talk Barak n’ Roll. Who’s on your iPod?” Obama: “Jay-Z …. Miles Davis.”
22:20 – Kimberly Bell, Barry Bonds’ former mistress: “I always figured he had PMS, you know like a woman. It went from ‘I want to know where you’re at’ to ‘I’m going to fucking kill you, cut your head off and leave you in a ditch.’”
23:08 – A new birth control pill is out called Yaz. Seth likes a baseball player named Yaz (former Red Sox slugger Carl Yazstremski) and Jah says there was a band in the ‘80s called Yaz.
25:38 – Mother battling Delta Airlines for unfair treatment. Was planning on taking 1-year-old conjoined twins who share a heart on a flight. She bought a seat for herself and one for her girls – Delta demands she buy three seats because they have two mouths for the oxygen masks.
33:45 – Jonathan revisits Yoplait ad campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (originally mentioned in Episode 003)
55:04 – Colorado couple enjoying Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and find a condom in it … Campbell’s offers them a coupon
5:32 – In Maryland, officials have requested that all registered sex offenders in neighborhoods post NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE sign on their front doors
16:21 – Razor scooters has recalled 20,000 of E-300 electric scooters because the handles can break off – Jah jacked up his tooth on a Razor
17:33 – New law in California just passed – in order to up the 72-hour time period after a baby is born, you have 7 days to give the baby away to a fire station or police station
20:28 – City officials in New Jersey want to establish a register for the 100-plus gumball machines in the town because some of them are unlicensed and they believe terrorists could use them to strike
22:16 – Man in New Jersey fills out a withdrawal slip and hands to teller. Someone had written on the back of the slip THIS IS A STICK-UP. Teller activated the alarm and stalled the man; the man then walked outside to a full arsenal of local and state troopers in the parking lot
22:53 – City of Baltimore goes a full seven days without a homicide
23:32 – Southwest Airlines wouldn’t let a man on the plane who was wearing a shirt that read MASTER BAITER.
16:49 – High school pep rally pits seniors versus the juniors in various games and events – a tug-of-war battle causes two junior boys to sever their hands on the rope
19:20 – 80,000 cans of silly string are on their way to American soldiers in Iraq
24:46 – Madden Curse update – Titans QB Vince Young out with a quadriceps injury
35:36 – GMA shows video of a woman completely asleep at the wheel of a van just cruising down the highway. They follow her for 30 miles
39:56 – Cats need taurine or they die
2:37 – Jah does his Jim Carrey “Smmokin!!”
3:00 – In the fourth inning of Game 2 of the World Series, Red Sox rookie Jacoby Ellsbury won America a free taco with his stolen base
6:46 – Maxim’ unsexiest women list: features Britney Spears, Madonna, Sandra Oh, Amy Winehouse, Sarah Jessica Parker
8:50 – More than one-quarter of the pregnant women in West Virginia smoked last year
9:51 – UMass offering a new class, History 297D – “How Does the Song Go: The Grateful Dead As A Window Into American Culture”
14:44 – Pepsi delivery man and Coke delivery man get into fistfight on loading dock of Pennsylvania Wal-Mart – Pepsi wins
17:44 – Durex condoms is taking applications for condom testers – received over 4,000 applicants
52:56 – Rudy Giuliani’s best friend is a defrocked priest who’s molested kids and can’t be a priest. Giuliani defends him and says he didn’t do it. During his trial, his defense attorney went to one of the high schools where he was going nuts and interviewed four kids he didn’t molest. Seth: “If you were defending a murderer, could you grab four people out of Starbucks and be like, ‘Did you ever get murdered by my dude?’ and they’d be like ‘No.’ And be like, These four people were not murdered by my client, what’s up now? You lookin’ at these four people? They weren’t murdered by him, so how could he murder him?”
56:35 – Couple in Spokane, WA, going through a divorce – husband plans an elaborate front lawn Halloween extravaganza, asks the wife to come in and get on the ladder and test out the noose. Husband turns the radio up, shuts the garage door and kicks the ladder out from underneath her. Wife manages to slip out and run to neighbors’.
12:55 – Domino’s has managed to come up with another pizza: the Crispy Melt Pizza – melted cheese and a topping between two crusts
18:20 – Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew: “Kobe is gay. Anyone who seen him out at the club know it. Kobe is gay.”
25:57 – Jordan’s Furniture in Avon, Mass. – promotion that ran from March 7 – April 16 “Jordan’s Monster Deal” – any furniture would be free, credit cards refunded, if the Red Sox won the 2007 World Series. 30,000 families purchased furniture during this time period, and more than $20 million in furniture was given away. Jordan’s issued a statement saying they were happy the Sox won and the insurance company was the big loser here. One man furnished his whole house with more than $40,000 in furniture
28:28 – John McCain speaking to supporters at New Hampshire Smith & Wesson factory on Oct. 22: “I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell, and I will shoot him with your products.”
58:36 – Number 1 holiday wish ahead of peace and happiness: A computer
4:41 – Ben Curtis, former Dell dude, who was busted in February 2003 for trying to buy weed killed his contract with Dell. He’s now working at a restaurant in Manhattan called Tortilla Flats. He went as the Dell Dude on Halloween
6:13 – John Coleman, founder of The Weather Channel: “Global warming is the greatest scam in history.”
22:07 – Larry King to Seinfeld: “So, Seinfeld, it was your choice or they canceled you?”
24:58 – Police sheriff in N. Dakota scheduled a fake meet-and-greet with Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie while they were in town on tour for a show. Letters were sent to deadbeat dads all over the area to come by for an open bar and private party. 40 deadbeat dads were arrested at the scene. Ozzy was pissed: “It’s insulting to me and to my audience and it shows how lazy this particular sheriff is when it comes to doing his job.”
26:40 – Urbana Ill. teacher arrested for making second-grade students play “tasting game” in his after-school class
37:23 – Chinese kid toy Aqua Dots recalled because, when ingested, they have the same chemical reaction as GHB
43:10 – Harvard University offering a new course in which 900-plus students have enrolled: Happiness: Learning How to Live a Fulfilling and Flourishing Life in Positive Psychology
50:23 – In Hebron, Conn., a 35-year-old man was arrested after several 911 calls demanding that they bring him beer
2:28 – In China, they found hairbands for women in salons – 3 cents for 10 – made with used condoms
13:58 – Jones Soda celebrating the holiday season with Christmas (egg nog, sugarplum, Christmas tree and Christmas ham) and Hannukah (applesauce, jelly donut, latkes and chocolate coins) flavors
16:08 – USA sets a new record – more than 1 million cases of Chlamydia in 2005 (Seth claps for the clap)
16:42 – Pentagon approves the sale of Playboy magazine on military bases. Seth claims there’s only two ways he’ll cancel his subscription – 1) When Hef leaves this earth or 2) When they have a playmate born in the ’90s
30:12 – People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive – the Doctor, Matt Damon. 1986 Sexiest Man Alive – Mark Harmon. 1987 – Harry Hamlin. 1991 – Patrick Swayze. 1992 – Nick Nolte.
34:51 – 50% of NYU students would permanently give up their right to vote for $1 million
35:57 – Mother is suing St. Louis Cardinals for displaying a message falsely accusing her daughter having an STD on the ballpark scoreboard. Message had girl’s name, followed by … HAS AN STD …. EWWWW. Girl is suing team for $25,000
36:49 – Angelino Hotel in L.A. offers the Brad and Angelino hotel package – prices start at $350, include a DVD selection of feature films starring Pitt and Jolie, a guestroom stocked with current issues of celebrity magazines, a map to the stars’ home, a late-night dinner, drinks at the lounge for 2 and a hangover kit – aspirin, bottled water, sunglasses and under-eye concealer. If available, the hotel’s Escalade will provide transportation
51:34 – Company called introfee, where personal introductions pay – they have put out a birth video bounty, looking for clear footage of a live birth and willing to pay $1,000 for the rights to use it in the 30-second Superbowl XLII ad – must show clear baby emergence, umbilical cord being severed including sound
56:49 – Marc Zuckerburg, the guy who started Facebook, is 23 years old and has a 20% stake worth $3 billion
3:52 – Alan Thicke’s ringtones for Diff'rent Strokes and Facts of Life theme songs are being sold for $2.99 – Thicke makes $.11 per purchase
9:57 – It costs $1.67 to make a penny
17:55 – Drew Carey: “I can’t go without the internet even for a day. When my fiancé and I are in different cities, we go on dates in Second Life. It’s a website that’s like a virtual world. We could just talk on the phone, but we meet online instead. It’s fun.”
26:05 – Fan grabbing player’s full package on Lambeau Leap – picture caught in paper
26:55 – Mercury Morris, member of undefeated ’72 Dolphins, while golfing in Miami, comments on the Patriots’ undefeated run: “They got more icebergs to go. They’re going through on this Titanic trip that they’re talking about. So far nobody’s made it across there except us. So we’re over here, we’re docked. We’re waiting here for ya. Right now they haven’t done this. Don’t call me when you’re in my town. Call me when you’re on my block. And when I see you next door, when you’re moving in your furniture, that’s when I know you’re going to play for the championship. And if you win, I’ll be dressed in a tuxedo and I’ll be waiting with my bride.”
28:10 – Halftime of NY Jets home games at Gate D is an unabashed show-us-your-tits Mardi Gras party – Sunday was a free-for-all with security not doing anything
30:06 – Boston University students drinking beer during course … at Duke University, a UYD caller took “The First 10 Years of Funk” but couldn’t get into “The Epitome of Cool.”
32:07 – Carny worker at a fair in Maryland called a number written inside of a port-a-potty five times, leaving a message saying he wanted some carny knowledge. Was a voicemail of a cell phone of a 15-year-old girl, and now he faces up to 15 years in jail for soliciting sex of a minor
34:49 – 37-year-old sex offender on trial in Sheboygan WI for sex with underage girls. His name? Pheuk Kue.
44:17 – A retreat will be held later in the year on Orcas Island in the Puget Sound for a technology fast – no internet, no e-mails, no cell phones, no texting. Counselors work to break these terrible addictions
46:24 – Video released of a former firefighter who had been in a coma for 10 years when he woke up and was reaching for his little boy but the dude was fully grown. Seth thinks you couldn’t be out for more than 2 ½ days without having an utter breakdown freakout
11:50 – Dane Cook was asked, “You’ve been getting a lot of acting work lately. How does that compare with stand-up.” Dane: “It works a different muscle.”
17:45 – New college classes: Beginning in January 2008, University of Hawaii introduces “Basics of Home Brewing” – detailing brewing hand-crafted ales in the comfort of your own home
21:11 – In Birmingham, Ala., it is illegal to sell any type of a sex toy. In Oxford, Miss., you can only get cold beer in bars and restaurants
28:13 – Graffiti on church in Los Gatos, Calif.: ALL HAIL SAITAN
31:25 – Driving instructor from Borat is suing producers of the movie for his unfavorable depiction
33:16 – Spirit Airlines causes controversy with new Fort Lauderdale to Bahamas cut prices – fare promotion is called Many Islands, Low Fares (MILF)
49:49 – 28-year-old grandmother in Illinois
4:00 – David Blaine is in training because in May ’08 he is going to attempt a new world record – staying awake for 12 straight days sans chemicals.
5:52 – Cornell University study concludes that more college students take courses that are considered to be easier or will be easier to get a very good grade in
7:03 – Last week it was the MILF special at Spirit Airlines, now it’s Seattle’s new Metro line, SLUT – South Lake Union Trolley, $52 million 1.3-mile public transportation line. Jah: “Ride that SLUT.”
14:38 – Houston driver leads cops on a 25-mile chase through city, pulled over, says “Yeah, my parking brake was stuck.”
15:08 – About 10,000 people every year treated in emergency rooms in month of December for injuries due to holiday decorating: burns, falls, shocks and cuts
24:48 – Criminals Gone Wild – features 100% real never before seen footage of criminals as they go on brutal rampages on U.S. streets. Watch as unsuspecting victims get beat, robbed, jacked and shot. Osama Bin Laden has nothing on these guys.
36:36 – 2007 Merriam Webster’s word of the year: woot or w00t – word used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness or triumph over an opponent
40:49 – Chyler Leigh – did movie called Kickboxing Academy in the 1997 and made out with her own brother, Christopher Khayman Leigh, three times in the movie
50:01 – Seth updates us on Pheuk Kue from Cheboygan WI (Episode 093). Seth tries to trick Jah with this story: Guy has child with woman, not together, daughter never meets father. Turns 18, mother and daughter say it’s time to meet biological father because you’re an adult now. Jah cuts him off: “There’s no way you do that.” Biological father tried to climb into bed the first night she was there and get up on that
53:48 – 61-year-old paramedic in Portland goes to scene of accident, puts woman in ambulance, rushes to local hospital – but not before he tries to bone down with the woman in the back of the ambulance
9:18 – Recap of 2006 People’s Choice Awards. Favorite Female Action Star: Halle Berry. Funniest Male Movie Star: Robin Williams. Favorite Rock Group: Nickelback
17:37 – Surgeon at a hospital in Arizona is being disciplined for using his cell phone to take a picture of a dude’s prick while the dude was in for gall bladder surgery. Dude runs a topless bar in Phoenix and has the words HOT ROD tattooed on his cock after losing a bet. … Lane Jansen had a tattoo on his calf of a pin-up girl and gave her breast implants with mini silicon sacks placed where her boobs would be.
27:00 – Saturday is World Orgasm Day
46:35 – Chick at Memphis Grizzlies game flashes her tits during the “Dance Cam”
54:08 – 22-year-old wants to meet his birth mother and finds out she works at Lowe’s with him
7:40 – Panther fans started a website ruinromo.com, where you print out faces of Jessica Simpson, put them on sticks and distract him during the game. Jessica Simpson dubbed as “Yoko Romo.” Had a movie released last weekend called Blonde Ambition – made $1,322 this weekend – still more than Zyzzyx Road starring Tom Sizemore
17:21 – New law takes effect Jan. 1 in Texas – the pole tax – additional $5 fee for customers at strip clubs, proceeds go to rape victims
30:23 – NY Islanders player Miroslav Satan has 666 career points
30:50 – Panasonic will unveil a 150-inch plasma HDTV at the upcoming Consumer Electronics show (Sharp currently has largest at 108 inches)
46:37 – 29-year-old from Washington successfully “swats” someone for the 4th time … somehow he hacks into the phone system and acts like he’s calling the cops from other people’s residences screaming that someone has been murdered and they need to get there ASAP. Most recently a couple and their baby were awakened in the middle of the night and handcuffed for it. They call it “SWATting” because you get points for getting SWAT teams to show up, extra points for door being knocked down and people being cuffed
24:23 – During first half of Lakers-Celtics game, Lakers wear throwback short shorts from the 1980s. Derek Fisher wears nothing under them
26:38 – The McRib is back. Seth had 2 today and they were delicious. It’s on it’s third farewell tour.
30:21 – Store for tweens in Garland, TX was offering a free trip and tickets to see Hannah Montana. Over 1,000 girls submitted a short essay. The winner was a 6-year-old girl with the following quote from her essay: “My daddy died this year in Iraq. I’m going to give mommy the angel pendant daddy put on mommy when she was having me. I love mommy.” At the ceremony at the store, when a news reporter who couldn’t find husband’s military records confronted her, woman flipped out and said, “I don’t want to be on camera. Get away. We never said anything like this was a true story. Never. It’s just an essay. We do essays all the time.”
31:50 – Atari shares drop to an all-time low. Seth: “Really? Atari’s shares are dropping? They’re still alive? That’s still a thing? Atari’s still a business? You could go to a building and be like DING DONG!”
32:44 – The 25th annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards will take place at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas on Saturday, Jan. 12.
39:54 – History teacher in Bakersfield, California arrested for offering to two of his female students to trace his cock and balls with a pencil on a piece of paper and give it to them. Charge is annoying a child.
2:30 – District representative from northern California – Mondale Ferraro
5:39 – McDonald’s launching coffee bars with baristas in nearly all their 14,000 locations
9:19 – Democratic presidential hopeful Mike Gravel speaking to a group of high school students in New Hampshire: “Alcohol is a heck of a lot worse than marijuana, and I’m sure a lot of you have tripped out on alcohol. Well it’s a lot safer to do it on marijuana. Marijuana is not addictive and you should be able to buy it in package stores.”
10:59 – Convicted kidnapper and child molester at a federal penitentiary in California dies after choking on a hot dog
17:44 – Joaquin Phoenix spells his own name wrong backstage at the People’s Choice Awards when he wrote his thank-you speech on placards: HI, I’M JOAQIN.
19:01 – Guess who wins “Funniest Male Actor” for the second year in a row? Robin Williams for License to Wed
22:29 – New drunk driving champion: Oregon woman Terri Comer beats previous high of .69 last month with .72 BAC – found passed out in her car by a snowbank near a Don’t Drink & Drive highway sign
24:39 – 21-year-old Brian Hathaway report: in April of 2005 he was arrested after killing a horse and trying to fuck the horse on a woman’s property, went to jail, got out, just got re-arrested when people found him in the woods trying to bone down on a dead deer
30:05 – Onslaught of Wii-related injuries are plaguing America. Refer to www.wiihaveaproblem.com for more details
36:33 – Top baby names of 2007 – Cayden (any spelling) came up several times according to Seth; Top boys: 1. Jacob, 2. Michael, 3. Joshua, 4. Ethan, 5. Matthew, 6. Daniel, 7. Christopher 8. Andrew, 9. Anthony, 10. William ….. (22. Jonathan, 74. Jesus, 103. Seth, 210. Ty). Top girls: 1. Emily, 2. Emma, 3. Madison, 4. Isabella, 5. Eva, 6. Abigail, 7. Olivia, 8. Hannah, 9. Sophia, 10. Samantha … (37. Destiny, 43. Nevaeh, 237. Brooklyn, 316. Diamond, 440. Mercedes, 458. America, 555. Precious, 711. Akeelah, 852. Karma, 959. Alizae)
17:20 – PETA officials send a letter to prison officials in Tyler, Texas, requesting that a man recently to prison for killing and eating his girlfriend be placed on a strict vegetarian diet. Sheriff’s reply: “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”
18:21 – Soulja Boy gets a young woman pregnant, then stops returning her calls and texts ever since she tells him that she’s pregnant
26:28 – Oaksterdam University – Oakland U – but so much weed going on that they call it Oaksterdam. Enrollment just ended this week for new school year. New course teaches students the history, theory, criticism and politics of cannibis. Also how to cultivate, market and distribute legal issues are covered. Students encouraged to work at dispensaries or even open up their own. The newest course in “higher” education
3:19 – Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee speaking in South Carolina: “If you think you’re going to engage the U.S. military, be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of hell, for that’s exactly what you’ll see.”
3:53 – John McCain: “I’m not interested in trading with Al Qaeda. All they want to trade is burkhas. I don’t want to travel with them. They like one-way tickets.”
5:41 – Seth gives us some more Andy Rooney: Of all the inventions of man, I’d be lost without elastic bands and umbrellas. Designers won’t let us alone. No one needs a clever umbrella. Personally I prefer a simple black umbrella. We don’t throw away broken umbrellas for some reason, we use them.
9:02 – The Astrological Magazine website has a message on the front page: WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, THE PUBLICATION OF THE ASTROLOGICAL MAGAZINE WILL CEASE WITH THE DECEMBER 07 ISSUE. Seth: “And your lucky number’s 8.”
14:07 – Baby name remorse – parents second-guess names they’ve given their children because either they were too odd, they were an impulse name or every other kid in their grade has that name. Legally changing names at age 4-5. Some other popular names for boys: 121. Ashton, 318. Jerry, 355. Walter, 375. Chad, 548. Craig, 605. Maverick (Jah: “Hands down worst name ever.”), 637. Sincere, 764. Ralph, 905. Chaz. For girls: 169. Genesis, 298. Esther, 572. Aspen, 580. Patience, 644. Lyric, 660. Cristal, 751. Cherish, 839. Essence.
3:24 – Feb. 1, 2008 – “The Eye” released starting Jessica Alba
13:45 – Sunday marks 24th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s hair catching on fire during a Pepsi commercial shoot
15:38 – Mercury Morris quote about the Patriots’ undefeated streak from Week 10 revisited: “They have icebergs to go through on this Titanic trip. They’re talking about a lot of things. We’re docked over here, waiting on you. I’m telling you, they haven’t done that. So don’t come to me. Don’t call me when you’re in my town, call me when you’re on my block. I’ll see you in my neighborhood. I’ll see you next door moving your furniture in. And if you do, I’ll be in my tux waiting on my bride.” They come back and interview him again this week: “OK, they’re on my block. They approaching on the street where I live. The question is, will they be able to park. On February 3, 2007. One thing’s to be on that street, another thing’s to get out and look at that real estate.”
20:55 – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, while posing with a group of South Carolina African American teens for a photo: “Who let the dogs out? Who!? Who!?” Mother hands him a baby to kiss: “You got some bling-bling!”
21:41 – Bill Clinton in a church listening to a pastor talking about MLK, sound asleep
39:14 – New York man receives a voucher from Starbucks for any Starbucks drink. Ordered a 13-add shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. Drink’s total came to $13.76 with tax and had 975 mg of caffeine in it
43:57 – Wednesday, Jan. 30 is International Delete Your Myspace Page Day.
54:46 – 29-year-old stepfather on trial in N.Y. for killing his stepdaughter because she ate the rest of his yogurt. His defense attorney submitted as evidence a photograph of a coffee mug that was given to him by his stepdaughter that said WORLD’S GREATEST DAD. Seth: “The defense rests! And we out!”
13:32 – America’s Most Wanted is at 973 catches
14:43 – The U.S. saw over 176,000 mistakes due to errors involving similar drug names. A boy was supposed to get Zyrtec for allergies, but instead was given Zyprex for severe schizophrenia
15:54 – Dan in Illinois currently taking a game design class in McHenry County College. Instead of meeting in class for the biweekly lecture they meet in Second Life. MCC purchased an island in the game. On the island they have a digital classroom setup with auditorium-like seating, blackboards and all
34:48 – 24-year-old Paul Feinstein was upset that an Austin radio station made changes to his internet overnight broadcast radio program playlist. In response to the alteration, he lit the studio on fire. His show is titled “Mellow Down Easy”
43:50 – U.S. has over 9 million vanity plates. According to American Association of Motor Vehicles, No. 1 state is Virginia, followed by New Hampshire, Illinois, Nevada and Montana. No. 22 is California, No. 46 is Massachusetts, No. 50 is Texas. Top ranked vanity plates from coolpl8z.com: 2) AGINA – Virginia license plate with a giant V on it; 4) NOT OJ on a white Bronco; 46) OMG STFU; 60) COPS SUC; 87) UB6 IB9; 100) CIVL WAR – license plate in South Carolina. Jah’s is OU812 b/c he’s such a huge Van Halen fan
53:13 – The Ashley Madison Agency – “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.” Completely anonymous #1 dating service of its kind, which is for married people. Over 1,760,000 members have signed up
7:53 – Redtube site was hacked this week and visitors to the site were greeted with a banner that said NO PORN
9:10 – Val Kilmer is playing the voice of Kitt for the new Knight Rider. Will Arnett dropped out because Kitt is a Ford Mustang and he has a conflict of interest with his contract with GMC trucks
11:53 – Corey Haim takes out a full-page ad in Variety magazine on Feb. 7 saying it’s not a stunt, and that he’s ready to work and make amends
15:24 – The annual SI Swimsuit Issue will be published in mid-February. Those who do not want to receive it can call SI so they do not, and will get their subscription extended
20:02 – 50 Cent: “Ain’t nothin’ bad about Obama in my eyes. I’m not sure America ready to have a black president. I think they might kill him.”
25:06 – 9.3 million Americans have AOL dial-up internet service
27:56 – New signs in midtown Manhattan and East Village: EUROS ACCEPTED
30:12 – In San Diego, man tries to hang himself. Girlfriend comes home, cuts him down and revives him. He then begins to pull around the room by her hair. A couple across the street in their car see him dragging her, the man in the car climbs through the window and puts the dude in a choke hold – the man loses consciousness and dies. Jah: “Apparently it was his time to go.” (31:38)
33:59 – In Odessa, Texas, a man was accused of killing his wife. Police found her on floor of home, wrapped in a bedsheet with a cross on top of her. Man says he was holding her face to the floor performing an exorcism, when the devil left her body and went into his, forcing him to kill her
10:16 – Meredith Viera interviewing Jane Fonda on Thursday morning on The Today Show about the 10th anniversary of The Vagina Monologues. Fonda: “I hadn’t seen the play. I was asked to do a monologue called Cunt.” Jonathan finds the clip on Youtube and plays it live on the show at 15:25
18:52 – Robert Burke, the Times Square Naked Cowboy, is suing Mars Inc. for $6.65 million a new billboard they put up in Times Square – billboard features a scantily clad blue M&M with a guitar with scenes of New York in the background. Claim is that they’re stealing Burke’s trademark
23:41 – In 1967, DisneyLand closed its “House of the Future” – a pod-shaped all-plastic dwelling with hands-free phones, wall-sized televisions and electric razors. In May, they will reopen a new futuristic home in Tomorrowland – kitchen countertops that will be able to identify groceries and closets that will identify and suggest outfits
26:23 – The #1 song in the country on Aug. 7, 1977 – the day Jah was born – “I Just Wanna Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb. On Sept. 20, 1973, the #1 song was “Delta Dawn” by Helen Reddy (www.thisdayinmusic.com)
27:46 – PETA is protesting a bill being sponsored by several politicians to make The Colonel’s Finger-Lickin’ Good Original Fried Chicken recipe as Kentucky’s official picnic food. PETA is still trying after two years to have the bust of Col. Sanders removed from the Capitol of Kentucky
31:32 – The head of Cal State’s Medical Association is named Dr. Frankenstein
33:32 – San Diego teacher taught for 17 years, but he was unable to read, write or spell during his 17-year duration as a teacher
49:54 – Seth watches his show Jail, with special footage of O.J. rolling in to the Clark County Prison in Las Vegas. O.J. was talking about finding his golf swing
1:07 – National Geographic reports on barnacles evolving penises eight times the length of their own bodies. If the water is gentle, the penis is long; if the water is rough, the penis is short and stout
12:48 – “Never Back Down” comes out on March 14 – it’s basically “The Karate Kid” except with MMA
13:53 – Starbucks is testing a new premium drip coffee called “A Fresh Pressed;” brews each cup individually. Womens advocacy groups find Starbucks’ new “skinny” drinks politically incorrect
23:57 – Hacienda Heights, Calif., is home to the country’s first feng shui McDonald’s
24:58 – FAA is investigating a Go Airlines flight in Hawaii last week that had no cockpit contact for 25 minutes – believed that both pilot and co-pilot were asleep with plane on auto-pilot
32:04 – May 12, 2008 – the price of a 41-cent stamp will rise to 42 cents. Postcards jump from 26 cents to 27 cents (Episode 057, 56:29). Seth is frustrated by this, contradicting his rant from Episode 012 at 50:05
33:23 – The Guinness Book of World Records has been bought by Ripley’s Believe It Or Not
38:28 – Sen. Chris Buttars from Utah embroiled in controversity with Salt Lake City NAACP for making this comment about a bill he opposed: “This baby is black; it is a dark and ugly thing.” When asked for an apology from local African American leaders, he complained of “a hate lynch mob” out to get him. When that caused further controversy, he said “How do I know what words I’m supposed to use in front of those people?”
42:28 – Two major graffiti artist arrests made this week – Spek of the ITD Crew in Boston was arrested, as well as Guser of the UPN Crew in L.A.
54:35 – Big Sister now expanding into the U.S. after existing in the Czech Republic. You walk into a company, go to a touchscreen menu of prostitutes and bone down for free. The catch is your exploits are filmed and uploaded onto this site, and people pay money to have a catalog of the viewing
12:37 – Online actitivists: Brian Bates, the Video Vigilante, videotapes hookers and pimps in Oklahoma City and confronts them; Jimmy Justice videotapes traffic officers throughout NYC breaking laws they’re supposed to enforce, then confronts them. Videos posted on YouTube
14:46 – Ryan Krop, a short-order cook at Texas Roadhouse restaurant, arrested after putting his pubes inside a diner’s steak
34:56 – Steve Erwin’s son bob, 4 years old, was bitten by a boa constrictor while handling several snakes
37:28 – Complaints coming in for past 2 years of difficulty breathing, nosebleeds and various other malities that families living in FEMA trailers since Hurricane Katrina have been reporting. Center for Disease Control and Prevention have determined that all 519 trailers they tested contained 5 times the acceptable level of carcinogenic formaldehyde gas
44:15 – During a screening of the new horror move “The Signal” in Fullerton, Calif., a man seated in the back row 30 minutes into the movie stabbed a lone moviegoer in front of him in the chest and arm. He then walked toward the screen and stabbed another lone moviegoer in the arm. As the two moviegoers fled, the man managed to exit the theater, and then the movie resumed. The film is about a mysterious electronic signal that compels people to kill
56:42 – A goo girl is a girl who enjoys the taste of semen. San Francisco magazine has a profile on Marisa Mayer, a top employee at Google. The banner hanging behind her picture says GOOGIRL
5:52 – Seth heard that Tyson-Holyfield III is in the works. Last time they fought was June 1997
15:49 – IHOP launches their new Dr. Seuss (pronounced Sois) Horton Hears a Who menu – Whocakes, green hags and ham, beaslenut splash
25:19 – After 13 years Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest person. At $58 billion he’s dropped to No. 3. New No. 1 is Jimmy Buffett - $62 billion (Jah improves some “Margaritaville” lyrics). 23-year-old Facebook founder Marc Zuckerberg is No. 785, worth $1.5 billion
30:39 – Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia, broke up with his girlfriend, Canadian TV personality Rachel Marsden, on his Wikipedia show. She is now auctioning off a couple of his belongings on ebay. Marsden was given one year probation in 2004 for criminally harassing a boyfriend following a breakup
39:23 – Cosmopolitan magazine held a luncheon this week in NYC to honor their 2008 “Fun, Fearless” men. In attendance were Jessica Simpson ex’s Dane Cook and John Mayer, as well as current boyfriend Tony Romo
44:32 – Lesbians coming together to change the name of their sexuality to gayelles
2:23 – Patrick Swayze, suffering from pancreatic cancer, is caught on film coming out of his chemotherapy treatment with a cigarette in his mouth
4:43 – Follow-up on dude who stabbed the 2 people in “The Signal” (Episode 106) was arrested in Vegas, under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms
5:40 – The Vagina Monologues tour made its way to New Orleans this week, and Mayor Ray Nagin said “…I stand before you a Vagina-friendly mayor. I’m in.” Nagin also had the famous “chocolate city” quote after the Katrina fiasco (mentioned in Ep. 16)
8:17 – Telemarketers in Delaware have begun using a new number that shows up on people’s Caller ID as 867-5309.
15:53 – In Driggs, Idaho, Dawn Wells, 69, (played Marianne on Gilligan’s Island) got 6 months probation, 5 days in jail and a fine for being pulled over with a DUI. Three joints were found in her car. She said on her way home she picked up three hitchhikers, and when they started smoking she threw them out
27:17 – Barack Obama’s pastor in Chicago, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, starts yelling about Bill Clinton “ridin’ dirty” on Lewinsky while he’s humping the podium and the dude behind him is literally losing it and hitting him on the back
30:20 – Residents of Summerfield, Ore., be warned: a driver’s license has been renewed for 8 years for 100-year-old resident Margaret Pearson, driving a 1989 Chevy Caprice Classic
39:51 – Natural childbirth is a revolutionary orgasmic birth. Women can achieve what is called the greatest orgasm of their lives during childbirth. Revealed as an “integral part of a woman’s sexuality,” and is a “widely neglected human right.”
50:28 – Celeb For a Day, started in Austin TX and is now in LA. A List Package - $250; Superstar Package - $600; Megastar Package - $1,500. In the Megastar Package, 6 paparazzi follow you around for 2 hours, a publicist will tell people to stop bothering you, bodyguards protect you from paparazzi and crowds, you get limo service and a glossy magazine cover
3:58 – Harris Poll conducted with CareerBuilder.com asked 3,000 U.S. hiring managers and HR directors the worst things potential employees have done during interviews: dude answers cell phone during interview and asks interviewer to leave her own office; one dude told an interviewer he might not need the job b/c his uncle was dying and he might get the inheritance; and a dude asked for a ride home after the interview; dude says he got fired from his last job for beating up his previous boss
22:26 – DMX in an interview with XXL magazine: “Barack Obama? Where he from? Africa? What the fuck? That ain’t his fuckin’ name!”
28:33 – Joe Francis is out of jail after 10 months in prison. He asked Ashley Dupre, Elliott Spitzer’s lady, $1 million to pose nude in the GGW Magazine, but then someone at GGW finds her in the database 4 years ago in the bus in Miami boning down on Spring Break. They withdraw the $1 million, but her lawyer says she was only 17 when she did that… so Joe might be in trouble again
42:47 – Word on the street, according to UYD listener Matt Robinson, is that there is a film in production with Ricky Gervais called “This Side of the Truth.” A pivotal scene of the film will be filmed in Haverhill, Mass.
48:52 – Jake Frazier, who has 3 HR baseballs hit by Barry Bonds, was explaining to Yahoo! sports why he didn’t get his hands on No. 762: “I’m always stoned to the bone during games. I’d been smoking big weed 10 minutes before that guy hit the ball, so they had a big advantage on me.”
0:45 – Northstar Media of Toronto has bought rights to 21 IMAX movies to be shown on mobile phones
2:02 – Seth finds an article from a February 1995 Newsweek titled “The Internet – Bah!” by Clifford Stoll … “I’m uneasy about this most trendy and oversold community. I say baloney.”
10:13 – Dr Pepper will give every person in America a free can of soda if Axl Rose will release Chinese Democracy in 2008 – he’s been working on it for 10 years
12:50 – Adolfus August Busch V, 17, was arrested at a party in Illinois for underage drinking. He was drinking Natural Light beer, the cheapest, worst-tasting beer on the market – however, it is an Anheuser-Busch product
16:39 – Tuesday’s Mavericks-Clippers basketball game was shown live in 3D at Mark Cuban’s Landmark Theater in Dallas, made using James Cameron’s 3D cameras (originally mentioned in Episode 052)
17:24 – Robin Williams and his wife Marsha are getting divorced. Seth feels bad for her for having to be married to him for 19 years. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are getting married
22:08 – The Advocate reports a story about a man in Oregon named Thomas Beatie, who was born a woman but is now transgendered and legally male and living with his wife Nancy. He had his breasts removed and takes testosterone, but chose to keep his female reproductive organs. His wife cannot carry a child, so they have chosen to artificially inseminate him, and he is set to give birth on July 3. He also has a 5 o’clock shadow and a bump
31:51 – Seth recalls Anderson Cooper interviewing Kenny Chesney and how they were ready to bone down. On Sunday night Cooper interviewed David Beckham, but Cooper was more attracted to Beckham than he was to Chesney, except Beckham wasn’t receptive to it
11:56 – Weezer has a new album coming out. For the third time in the last 6 albums the album name will be called “Weezer.” Jah says Rivers Cuomo is a wacky dude, but he definitely respects their music. Jah says he respects REM as well.
16:26 – Rickrolling is when a person provides an enticing link to someone in an e-mail or post, and it takes the user to video of Rick Ashley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” that they cannot click off of until it is done. The name originated out of a “duckroll,” which leads you to an image of a duck on wheels. On April Fool’s Day, more than 20 different sites performed the Rickroll hoax
43:59 – Seth reads and watches a lot of material that says noone is getting any sleep these days. Jonathan declares that he gets 8 hours of sleep a day. The problem is he ends up staying up ultra late so he has to provide himself a life that doesn’t require him to do anything before 3 p.m., which he admits is completely uncool
56:26 – Update on Arkansas law that had a loophole in the bill allowing anyone of any age with parental permission to get married (originally mentioned in Episode 088, 48:46). The law was revised so that wouldn’t happen
16:41 – Beginning with the movie “Up” next year, all Pixar movies will be filmed in 3D
18:37 – Burger King is planning on unveiling a smaller, slicker, trendier Whopper Bar. It will cater to fans of the burger (Seth: “You know, Whopperheads”)
26:19 – Starbucks is testing letting their customers pour their own coffee to halt complains and declines in patronage
28:55 – Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday at Ruby Tuesday’s and Wal-Mart. Jah: “Get some Taz slippers.” (Episode 038)
31:52 – America’s Most Wanted is at 997 captures (update from Episode 102)
43:30 – Hot new trend: Monkids. More than 10,000 people in the U.S. have monkeys that live in their house as more than just pets. They live more like children, although it is illegal in about 20 states. A lot of couples in their 60s and 70s are down with it since they’re empty nesters. Monkey Matters magazine
51:48 – Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres, has the most expensive beer prices in all MLB. A 16-ounce Bud Light is $6.50. A keg of Bud Light on the street costs $76. The same $76 at that ballgame would get you 12 cups of beer. With the keg you’d get 124 cups of beer.
55:01 – Dude sent a Dell laptop back and it comes back to him with a keyboard covered in pubes. He took a picture of it and put it on a website.
1:00:53 – Back in 1995, Terry Cottle, 33, killed himself, but his heart was donated to a guy on a waiting list in Hilton Head, S.C. The recipient called up the guy’s widow to thank her and started boning down on her. They married, and now this week the guy killed himself. Jonathan: “You’ve got to destroy that heart.”
2:49 – Scientists say southern California has a 97% chance of being hit by a catastrophic earthquake in the next 30 years
4:27 – Alarming new trend in teen dating – kids texting each other nude pictures via mobile phone for dating
9:28 – Alicia Keyes to Blender magazine: “The East Coast-West Coast beef between Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled by the government and the media to stop another great black leader from succeeding.”
11:55 – Hallmark will release a new line of recordable greeting cards that allows the listener to record a 10-second message on the card. Along with the message will be followed by a choice of the following songs: “Whoomp! There It Is” by Tag Team; “Shining Star” by Earth, Wind & Fire; “Unbelievable” by EMF; or “Bang The Drum All Day” by Todd Rundgren. You get 220 plays for $6. Seth says his mom would run the battery dead
22:12 – Alarming trend at U.S. airports – homeless dudes pretending to be flying, sleeping on chairs and using restrooms. With the spate in cancellations officials are having a tough time differentiating between real travelers and fake ones
24:42 – Boston’s T transit system starts a “Grope Patrol,” to deal with nonstop complaints from female riders of men exposing themselves and rubbing up against them, also known as “fraterism.” New billboard campaign features woman sandwiched between two men: RUB UP AGAINST ME AND I’LL EXPOSE YOU. Another one with a security camera: FLASH SOMEONE AND YOU’LL BE EXPOSED.
45:03 – Effective January 2009, you will not be able to smoke in a car in L.A. with a minor present in the vehicle
50:57 – Seth found a video online of some drunk Cubs fan standing up in the urinal trough, running down it and sliding on it while being cheered on by other drunk fans.
3:16 – Top 10 most sexually active cities in America, based on contraceptive sales at grocery stores and drug stores: 10) Columbus, OH, 9) Buffalo, 8)Rochester, 7) Baltimore, 6) Cincinnati, 5) Washington D.C., 4) Salt Lake City/Boise, 3) Seattle, 2) San Antonio/Portland, 1) Denver. Jah: “I don’t think I would’ve guessed any of those.”
7:00 – A Googleganger is someone with the same name as yourself that you come across when you Google yourself. Jah admits that he periodically Googles himself, while Seth has never tried this. Jah has also Googled Seth. www.samenameasme.com
11:10 – Sneeze fetishists are aroused by people sneezing
16:34 – A single arch McDonald’s was taken down in Huntsville, Ala., leaving the very last single arch McDonald’s in Muncie, Ind. An original Dunkin’ Donuts sign was taken down in Brighton, Mass., leaving the last original sign in Lake Park, Fla.
22:32 – David Blaine will appear on a live episode of Oprah on April 30, attempting to set a new world record by holding his breath underwater for 16 minutes
29:39 – Kanye West during a concert in Sacramento to the crowd: “What up Seattle? Come on now, Seattle!” Kanye also is quoted in New Yorker saying he was breastfed for too long as a child and that’s why he loves big breasts so much
31:47 – At NYC’s Parker Meridian Hotel, you can call the concierge and get the Wii Boxing Workout for $120 an hour, in which a trainer comes to your room with a Wii and works you out
33:39 – FHM comes out with Top 10 Sexiest Women: 10) Kate Beckinsale, 9) Blake Lively (Jah knows her not from “Gossip Girl” but from “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”), 8) Trisha Helfer, 7) Hillary Duff, 6) Emmanuelle Chriqui, 5) Scarlett Johanssen, 4) Elisha Cuthbert, 3) Jessica Alba, 2) Jessica Biel, 1) Megan Fox
43:20 – Chelsea Clinton did a gay bar crawl in Philadelphia last weekend to tell potential voters about her mom’s “plan for America.” She went to Woody’s, Bump and Sisters
45:27 – Two weeks ago all 3 presidential candidates appeared in skits with Mylie Cyrus at the beginning of the CMT Country Music Awards. They were also on WWE Monday Night Raw. Clinton: “You can call me Hill-Rod.” Barack: “Do you smell what Barack is cookin’?” McCain: “What you gonna do when all the McCainiacs run wild on you?!”
5:38 – Free-range kids are kids whose parents want them to have the same freedoms they had – playing in the neighborhood unsupervised, riding the school bus alone, riding a bike to the library. Seth has a new name for these kids: Free-rape kids.
8:24 – Mother in Williamsburg, Va., buys a discount bin DVD of Batman, leaves her kid to watch it while she goes into the kitchen to cook dinner. The DVD turns out to be Titan Man, a gay porn DVD
14:28 – Hot new trend for expecting moms – belly facials. Trained professionals massage cocoa butter around mom’s midsection to tighten, tone and give an expecting mother “sheen.” It costs $100
18:13 – 18-year-old Ryan Schallenberger, who was turned in by his parents before attempting a Columbine at his high school, had a plan to do crazy damage, die, go to Heaven and kill Jesus
19:36 – Woman gets an ultrasound, and an image of Jesus on the cross is in her womb
28:07 – Two people were killed by sharks this week off the coast of California. Seth doesn’t care
47:23 – Seth thinks he’s found Jeff, his soon-to-be adopted grandson. Latarion Milton, 7 years old, gets mad at his mom and gets in her Dodge Durango, picks up his homie and drives around on an 8-mile spree. He drives it until the 2 front wheels have inverted and they’re up on a sidewalk
49:50 – 21-year-old arrested in a local bank in Fort Worth TX. He was trying to cash a check written from his girlfriend’s mother for $360 billion
2:45 – 64 percent of U.S. teens have used informal text message cyberslang in their written schoolwork. 38% of them have used the term LOL, 25% have used emoticons ☺
4:42 – For the second straight year, the children’s book “And Tango Makes Three” was the most-challenged book in U.S. public schools and libraries according to the American Library Association. The book is the story of 2 gay penguins who adopt a baby penguin, based off actual penguins in NYC’s Central Park Zoo – Roy and Silo. Jah: “If you and I were gay, I would be Silo and you would be Roy.” Seth: “I want to be Silo.” Jah: “But I’m taller than you are and my dick is huuuuuge.”
8:08 – Reminder to UYD listeners that this week the price of a stamp rises from 41 to 42 cents.
8:25 – Guy in Massachusetts who lost his license for his fourth DWI was killed this week riding his bike, after being struck by a drunk driver
11:22 – Jah tries to confirm if the rumor is true that Wii is going to release a video game involving pole dancing
14:38 – Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is under investigation for a sex scandal he had with chief of staff Christine Beattie. Thousands of text messages were recovered, including one choice piece of conversation: KK: THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I COULDN’T FULLY SEDUCE YOU. MY GAME IS OFF. LOL. THANKS FOR THE CONVERSATION. NQT. LOVE YOU. CB: YOUR GAME IS WAY ON BABY. YOU HAD ME AT HELLO (JERRY MAGUIRE, 2000). Seth informs Jah that Jerry Maguire came out in 1996.
16:49 – Cindy Crawford is confused on her percentages while speaking on the environment on Good Morning America, saying 38 billion is half of 50 billion
35:46 – Following up on the $1.26 it takes to make a penny, the U.S. Mint is now saying that it costs $7.78 to make a nickel
4:09 – In order to save fuel, airlines are reducing the speed of their flights – adding 3-10 minutes per flight. Jonathan is curious how many miles per gallon a plane gets
5:25 – Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger announced on the Today Show that 41-year-old Michelle is pregnant. They will be having their 18th baby on New Year’s Day 2009. Names of babies from oldest to youngest: Josh (20), Jana and John David (18), Jill (16), Jessa (15), Jinger (14), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Joyanna (10), Jeremiah and Jedediah (9), Jason (7), James (6), Justin (5), Jackson (3), Johanna (2), Jennifer (9 mos.)
8:37 – The Funky Bunch is reuniting without Marky Mark
9:01 – Maxim’s top 10 ladies: 10) Ashley Tisdale, 9) Lindsay Lohan, 8) Christina Aguilera, 7) Eva Mendes, 6) Elisha Cuthbert, 5) Sarah Michelle Gellar, 4) Eva Longoria, 3) Jessica Biel, 2) Scarlett Johanssen, 1) Marissa Miller
12:00 – A new iPhone with super-fast web speed is just weeks away
12:45 – Newsweek reports that between gas prices, struggling economy, etc., families this summer will be forced to take “staycations.”
24:33 – States drafting new laws that would prevent anyone with a conviction of a sexual crime against children from being able to operate an ice cream truck this summer. Seth’s ice cream of choice was the one with the gumball at the bottom of the cone, while Jah’s was the foot with the gumball as the big toe toenail
26:01 – International Tanning Association says it’s time to rethink sunbathing
27:43 – This Monday, Google will release its new social networking site, Friend Connect
30:41 – Office romances are on the rise, it is the new place to hook up. In a recent poll, 50% have hooked up with a co-worker, and 82% know of a hookup within the office that is “secret.” Employment lawyers have begun drawing up love contracts for new employees that state that if a hookup does occur, neither party is allowed to sue for harassment
32:05 – New birth control called Seasonique. Only have 4 periods a year, it’s taken for 3 months. The pill was approved by the FDA in 1960.
41:56 – Workplace computers have been tested recently by a scientific group, which finds that they’re 5% dirtier than public restroom toilet seats
45:19 – Part of the Republican National Convention (Sept. 1-4, St. Paul, Minn.) merchandise on sale in the Mall of America is official Republican Zubaz pants. Zubaz started in 1987 and hit its peak in 1991 with sales of over $100 million. Jah remembers Zubaz knockoffs on every corner in L.A. Seth says he never owned these but he did have a pair of parachute pants. Jonathan had a black dookie sack suit (MC Hammer-style) for a dance he went to, with full taper and giant crotch narrowing down to a narrow taper. Had shoulderpads and big double breasting. Crotch came down to the knees
4:56 – Jonathan reads a passage from Newsweek regarding creators of downloadable audio/video programs (podcasters) are trying out new names for the technology for the aim of communicating that their work is compatible with a variety of media players, not just iPods. Jonathan says the problem is not the name, it’s the entire concept. He adds that iTunes is the best, so it’s all that matters
7:34 – 10 years ago this summer saw the first release of an mp3 player, the MPMan from South Korea – beat out California-based Diamond Multimedia’s Reo PMP 300
13:01 – Hot new trend is tweens going to day spas. Seth explains that tweens are not teens or pre-teens. 7-12 years old, full Hannah Montana. Tweens are getting facials, chemical peels, having eyebrows done, bikini waxes, etc.
15:52 – 25 years ago, Chris Dunn and Pam Jensen met on a Compuserve CB simulator – a program that linked the first computer users nationwide – the first chat room. After 2 months of chatting, Chris flew from NYC to Chicago, and one year later to the day they were married. America’s first Internet couple
23:14 – Many men no longer feel ashamed to ask for alimony during divorces. The stigma attached to having your ex-wife support you is lessened. It’s now called “manimony.”
23:47 – In Minnesota and N. Dakota, it is illegal to serve a 21-year-old celebrating their birthday until 8 a.m.
24:48 – Wii is releasing a series of games called Frat Party – the first one coming out this summer is called Beer Pong
32:13 – Hazelwood, Mo., man gets pulled over for having an expired license plate. Cop is walking up to the car and sees the guy in the passenger seat pull out his cell phone. Guy makes a call to 911 and calls in a robbery at the convenience store down the road, hoping that the cop would be dispatched to the store. Dispatcher hears cop asking the driver for his license and registration, and sends another cop by there, who brings him in for the prank call
47:41 – Scientificmatch.com is a new dating website only available in Boston/Providence. For a fee of $995, you give the site a saliva sample and get a match based on a new study of mate attraction using a technology called MHC. Lets users noses guide them to a perfect match. “Olifactory harmony.”
51:24 – McKinney High School in Texas – 583 students had altered pictures in the yearbook. Girls’ heads on boys’ bodies, outfits on different people, one girl was missing an arm and two bodies had no clothes on and were partially blurred out. Lifetouch apologized and said “they must have misinterpreted the guidelines.”
59:55 – Jah confirms the rumor that the 3G iPhone official announcement is set for Monday, June 9
2:33 – Seth’s dad, Joe Romatelli, manages to work his way into a Boston Globe article about UYD friend Matt Robinson’s movie he’s shooting in Seth’s hometown of Haverhill, Mass. The article is about some of the residents of the old folks’ home who got to appear as extras in the movie, “This Side of the Truth.” After one of the residents says she will get an agent after her newfound fame, “… You’ll need a manager and an agent, and that’s why I’m here,” replied Joe Romatelli, a friend of the seniors who stopped by for a visit.”
5:31 – California officially bans talking on the cell phone while driving, which Jah is OK with. But he wonders about texting, because he can text, steer and keep his eyes on the road all at the same time, and is more than willing to document and show people how to do it. He claims it is easy, fun and safe. He was also complimented the other day on the speed of his texting.
13:02 – Average cost of a wedding in the USA tops out at around $30,000
51:17 – “Mim” is when people will overdub videos and everyone does them. Someone overdubbed the Hitler film “Downfall” with the Cowboys-Giants playoff game, which Jah found funny. Other mims include Planning a Trip to Birmingham, Explaining Second Life, Hillary’s Collapse, Being Banned From Xbox Live and Hitler Having His Car Stolen.
1:31 – Yahoo Health’s unhealthiest drink in America – Baskin Robbins’s Heath Bar shake (32 oz., 2,310 calories, 108 grams of fat, 266 grams of sugar – total of 73 separate ingredients). Jah: “If I wasn’t a vegan, I would definitely indulge in one of those right now.”
12:10 – National Retail Federation expects consumers to reduce spending on Father’s Day this year from $98.34 to $94.54. Seth brings up the fact that more collect calls are made on Father’s Day, originally mentioned in Episode 013, 41:21.
26:15 – Seth references the freeway service patrol where they will give you a free gallon of gas to get you off the freeway (originally mentioned in Episode 012, 50:05). Dude in Sacramento was pulled over on the freeway scamming people to get free gas. Same guy that helped him in the morning pulled over in the afternoon to catch him. In Venezuela, gas is 19 cents a gallon
28:30 – Washington-based religious group “Pray at the Pump” prays around gas stations to lower gas prices. They have led offshoots in San Francisco and Oakland, they believe the gas prices are the sign of the apocalypse. Since they have started gas has gone up 43 cents
6:58 – Top 10 most commonly used online passwords according to PC Magazine: 10) First name; 9) blink182; 8) password1; 9) myspace1; 6) monkey; 5) letmein; 4) abc123; 3) qwerty; 2) 123456; 1) password
9:03 – Friday June 20th is Take Your Dog to Work Day. 17% of Americans say their company is already dog-friendly. 5% of Americans are allergic to dogs
10:51 – The 100 thing challenge is an online blog that challenges people to downsize their lives to 100 items. “SHED it”: S – Separate the treasures, H – Heave the trash, E – Embrace your identity from within, D – Drive
16:30 – Lucky Charms is adding a new charm, an hourglass
35:38 – Study of lemon wedges placed in ice water at several east coast Applebee’s restaurants and Chili’s showed 1/3 of them contained bacteria including fecal matter and e coli
36:23 – Ritz Carlton – Miami Beach has a tanning butler. Started on the hotel’s opening day, Jan. 1, 2004. Dude makes $30/hour and roams around the pool area providing Evian mist spray, is armed with lotion holsters on his hip to spray and rub people down
38:34 – To celebrate IHOP’s 50th birthday this July, they will unveil 9 new pancakes this summer
52:22 – Guy that caught Ken Griffey Jr’s 600th HR was named “Joe.” He brought a glove to the games, got into the scrum, but brought in another baseball so when he was at the bottom of the pile he tossed it as a decoy and walked out with the real one
53:00 – Dude gets Jonathan Papelbon’s attention in the bullpen, hands him photographs – nude pictures of dude’s ex-wife. Entire bullpen signs a baseball for him to say thanks
3:36 – Colorado Lottery is offering $3 scented crosswood scratch-and-sniff tickets
5:36 – Michigan man wins $57 million through Mega Millions but is a registered sex offender. Co-worker gives interview to the Grand Rapids Press: “…I know some of his secrets and he knows some of mine. I’m not going any further.”
8:21 – New types of summer parties: Pumping Parties, where ladies get together for silicone injections in the butt; and Dipping Parties – teens who get on Facebook and get on Google Earth to find neighborhoods and meet at the pool
9:26 – Babyzone.com reveals the top 10 things kids put up their noses: 10) Beans and peas; 9) Small toys; 8) Cheerios; 7) Tissues; 6) Spaghetti; 5) Marbles; 4) Fingers; 3) French Fries; 2) Beads; 1) Crayons
13:05 – New rigout for girls this summer: jean shorts and moccasins
50:06 – Washington Nationals no longer allow men to take their shirts off at a ballgame, calling it “indecent exposure.”
55:17 – Mississippi-based Christian website delivers news from a Christian perspective and replaces any words in articles that they would deem offensive. Story about USA sprinter Tyson Gay gets filtered through the site replacing his last name with “homosexual” every mention
7:52 – The Wii beer pong game is now being called Pong Toss because it was unsuitable for children under 13, and there were a lot of complaints about it.
16:25 – There are 850,000 operational pay phones right now in the United States. Jah says he hasn’t laid eyes on one in six months. The last time he saw one, the dude’s mouth was so close to the receiver that Jah threw up on him.
24:56 – US Transportation Department and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration are going to use female dummies for the first time in their high speed crash tests. They will all be 4-foot-8 and 108 pounds
27:13 – Dennis Hoff’s world famous bunny ranch in Carson City Nevada, since 1955 the phone number is 1-775-246-FUCK. The slogan is “more bang for your buck.” You can take in your federal stimulus check and get double the amount of check toward your ranch pleasure party.
35:49 – “Green rage” is when people lose their patience with other people who are not eco-friendly and have poor eco habits
49:31 – The first YouTube video was called “Me at the zoo,” posted at 8:27 p.m. on Saturday, April 23, 2005. 18 seconds of Yaku Lipitzky at the San Diego Zoo. The first item sold on ebay was a broken laser pointer sometime in the fall of 1995 for $14.83 when the site was still known as AuctionWeb
53:58 – Douglas Monks, 57, of Florida, takes his computer in for repairs – except under “My Documents” there was a big file called “Preteen Gay Porn” with 4,000 images of 600 boys aged 5-13.
56:35 – Woman at NY Sports Club got an awful odor coming from the locker room, opened the door to the sauna and found a woman who had put two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese on the hot sauna rocks to make a post-workout sandwich. Woman’s response: “I do this all the time!”
2:23 – Emily Leatherman is being accused of stalking John Cusack and they’re having a preliminary case to determine her sanity. Seth thinks there’s no point b/c she’s already obviously insane to be stalking Cusack. If he refused to dance with her, she wrote “there would be dances with vampires.”
12:02 – For the second year in a row, the woman representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant tripped in her evening gown and fell. Seth thinks Miss Universe is a full Venezuelan tranny, but Jah thinks she’s beautiful
13:27 – The American Naturalist reported this past week on how orchids can mimick insects and trick insects into procreating with the orchid – “pseudocopulation.” The scientific glitch is that wasps are doing this and pulling it off to full climax – straight copulation. People are worried that the wasps are spilling their juices with the orchids and there won’t be enough for the female wasps. Jah: “It’s like orchid bukkake.” Seth thinks it will spawn a new breed of dyke wasps. Jah: “Plaid, flannel, Timberland orchids.”
24:40 – John McCain was on a campaign stop in Pittsburgh speaking, and told community members that while he was in a Vietnam POW camp he was supposed to list his platoon members by his torturers, but listed the Pittsburgh Steelers defensive line. Place goes crazy, except in his autobiography he said it was the Green Bay Packers. McCain’s people said it was a memory lapse
35:39 – 30-year-old teacher in Buffalo, Cara Dickey, sent provocative texts to 14-year-old student, brought him to a motel, gave him a cocktail of Bacardi and Nyquil, and wrote out a suicide pact for the two of them.
48:47 – Seth read about a kid who got hit by a foul ball at Wrigley Field last week, so he dipped in to the history of freak occurrences. Book called “Death At The Ballpark” claims that 300 people a year get hit (knocked out) by foul balls. A minor league base coach died last season. On the back of your ticket it says you assume all responsibility. In 1957, a guy for the Phillies hit a foul ball that hit the wife of the Philadelphia sports editor, and while she was on the stretcher he hit her again. Two years ago, the Orioles’ Jay Gibbons hit a foul that nailed his wife in the ribs
54:37 – 9-year-old girl in Indiana dials 911 when she hears her mother screaming, but the authorities arrived to find the parents boning down in the bedroom
56:47 – Playboy.com features the “Girls of Olive Garden.”
57:48 – NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg, king of verbal gaffes, references a trip to Salt Lake City, Idaho. He also talks about a favorite memory in 1981 was a Simon and Garfinkel concert in Central Park. He mentions bringing out Shinagua Twain and Tom McGraw at the CMA Awards. He also says former Yankees manager was named Joe Torres, and good ol’ Anthony Villarigosa.
2:59 – Gastrosexuals are single men who have taken up cooking to impress ladies
3:55 – Starbucks has had some cutbacks, shutting down 600 stores. On Starbucks.com you can see a list of all the stores that have closed. Girl being interviewed in NYC: “We’re devastated.”
7:09 – National Sleep Foundation reporting an alarming new development for our mothers – Caffeinated Moms. A mom’s responsibilities have increased so much that they’re forced to consume a lot of coffee and sodas to stay on their game, and they’re sleep deprived
13:45 – Matthew McConaughey to OK Magazine, talking about his child Levi’s birth: “We were jamming. We were sweating. We got tribal on it. We danced to it. I was DJing this Brazilian music. Having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing. I said ‘Come here little man.’ I saw the penis and I screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy.”
23:21 – J Dragon, a tattoo and body piercing shop in Chicago, has done it again. Last year a man got a tat there that said CHI-TONW. Now a man is suing the shop after getting a memorial tattoo for a late friend that was supposed to read TOMORROW NEVER PROMISED TODAY. Except the tattoo reads TOMMORROW. Artist claims he wrote it exactly as it was written on the slip of paper.
25:06 – A new domain extension is now available, .me, which has caused godaddy.com some problems. Nine different people claim to have bought the same one, aweso.me.
29:08 – A new service called slydial lets you connect with another person’s voicemail, bypassing the ringing process and eradicating the chance of them picking up on you. They receive a vm notification and a missed call. Call 267-SLYDIAL
38:34 – According to the CDC, the most unhealthy and obese states are found in the South. Mississippi is No. 1, preceded by 5) West Virginia, 4) Louisiana, 3) Tennessee, and 2) Alabama
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
6:48 – Johns Hopkins University researchers claim that rise in personal listening devices will cause 1 in 3 adults to suffer in recognizable degree in hearing loss. Could have a future generation of deaf people. Jah remembers everyone saying that about Walkmans when we were kids, and thinks that the physics of in-ear headphones allow people to listen to lower volumes, so this isn’t necessarily going to pan out
8:22 – Police in Lake Ozark area of Missouri busted a pregnant prostitution ring running out of a hotel this week
15:18 – Seth watches video of Criss Angel escaping from an imploding hotel in Clearwater, Fla., but also sees footage from the local Fox affiliate that spots a figure dressed the same exact way as Criss running out of the adjacent building and lying down in the rubble, then coming out at the same area where the show spots him
17:09 – Lifestyle Condoms has offered Miley Cyrus $1 million and a lifetime supply of condoms to get the word out on safe sex to American teens. She is 15 years old. Jah admits that he was certainly having intercourse at age 15.
19:47 – New scam going on where people say they find your lost dog. You get a phone call, saying they’re a delivery driver and they have a tight delivery schedule and found the dog, they’re four states away, and if they get a Western Union payment they will get the dog back to them by chartering a driver back to them
22:52 – Hot new fashion is eye jewelry, where people attach a string to their contact lens with jewelry on the end of it
26:27 – Google claims it’s now the most comprehensive search engine, now passing over 1 trillion URLs
34:59 – Breastfeeding is at its highest rate in 20 years. The new trend is crossnursing, where you not only breastfeed your own child but your neighbor’s child too
37:22 – Harvard researchers claim that eating even a half-serving a day of soy-based foods could significantly lower a man’s sperm count. Jah says he can attest to the change in male ejaculate when one has turned vegan. He claims it gets much thinner and also doesn’t taste as bleachy. Seth wants to know how he attests to the second. Jah: “None of your biz dude.” Seth: “None of your jizz.”
3:13 – Seth reads some crazy 911 calls from around the country: Guy in Jacksonville calls about a situation at Subway, he ordered 2 sandwiches and didn’t get what he paid for, then they locked him outside the store and he said he wouldn’t leave until they took care of it … Another one has a person in a drive-thru saying he wanted a Western BBQ Burger and isn’t leaving until he gets one, and the people are inside mopping the floors … Another person calls to be connected to Domino’s Pizza (Episode 001, 23:05).
7:34 – 25-year-old man pulled over in Minneapolis going 80 mph in a 25 mph zone, also going the wrong way on a one-way. After police pulled him over he said “Oh, sorry, I was texting.”
10:24 – Some high schools this year are going to be charging $5 just to get a locker
12:23 – US Airways will now charge $1 for coffee and $2 for all sodas on their flights. Jet Blue now charges $7 for blankets which you keep.
15:58 – November 2008 will see the last print issue of Playgirl
19:19 – Christopher Emmott, before his death by lethal injection, had this to say to Virginia governor Tim Cain, who declined to give him a stay of execution: “Tell the governor he just lost my vote.”
22:07 – Google employee proposes to his fiancé using Google streetmaps, with the street view camera that went outside his Mountain View offices. He refers to this as “Proposal 2.0”
25:32 – Portland Cinemagic theater was taking down the marquee for Hancock this week, and putting up the marquee for Dark Knight. Someone took a picture of it during this transition and it read THE DARK COCK
29:27 – Hot new trend for moms – pregorexia – moms want to stay healthy while they’re pregnant and stop eating, gain as little weight as possible.
32:28 – A commercial was being shot on the set of the Price Is Right for a video game version, with Plinko preset to hit $10,000. They forget to reset the game, and a female contestant hits $10,000 three times in a row before they figure it out and reset it
48:20 – National crime bureau releases the top cars stolen for 2007, the top 4 were the same as 2006: 5) 1994 Chevy pickup, 4) 1997 Ford F-150, 3) 1989 Toyota Camry, 2) 1991 Honda Accord, 1) 1995 Honda Civic
7:31 – Chicago police officer Barbara Nevins was fired for demanding free Starbucks coffee at 5 different locations. When she was denied she pulled out her badge and began waving her gun around
8:27 – Roman Catholic Archdioces of Cincinnati has issued all priests a list of things not to do as far as interactions with male alter boys: no kissing, tickling, wrestling, bear hugs, etc.
10:50 – PETA is asking to rent space on the country’s US-Mexico border fence, so they can put up signs that read IF THE BORDER PATROL DOESN’T GET YOU, THE CHICKEN AND BURGERS WILL. GO VEGAN.
13:40 – Matthew McConaughey has kept the placenta from his son’s birth and plans to plant it in an orchard: “I hope it will fertilize the land. It’s going to bear wonderful fruit.”
21:08 – Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have been working on a new pill called CP154526 which stops all the euphoric effects of alcohol but will not prevent the sloppiness or the hangover. Jah: “You guys made it backwards.”
39:53 – Deputy in Dewitt County, TX, filmed with his dash cam the year’s first sighting of the Chupacabra, the Latin American Bigfoot, which attacks and drinks the blood of goats
40:30 – Blender magazine asked presidential candidates top 10 songs of all time. Obama’s #1 was “Ready Or Not” by the Fugees, and #6 was “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West. McCain’s #1 song was “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, and #3 was “Take A Chance On Me” by ABBA
51:55 – Ernest Borgnine, 91, was on Fox & Friends this morning, and was asked “How do you look so good?” Borgnine first says “I dare not tell you,” then tries to whisper to one of the hosts, “I masturbate a lot,” except the microphones pick up everything he says
7:55 – Coming to King’s Island in April 2009 is the Diamondback, a hypercoaster with open-air stadium style seating, where everyone is in the front. It’s being referred to as “3 minutes of sheer terror.” Seth reveals that he’s never been on a roller coaster in his life
18:43 – In Michigan, because technically a dead body is not a person, it is not protected under any nursing home patient abuse laws. 3 women will not face jail time after cell phone photos were discovered of them hanging out with a dead 80-something-year-old woman
26:17 – Arizona’s mental hospitals have been told to eliminate all smoking for their patients
31:19 – The 99 cents store is finally making select items cost over 99 cents. Jah admits he was just there when he went to dress up as the raver for Halloween
35:41 – For people who think Google is too white, there’s Rushmore Drive – search engine that targets the black community. In Google, the first thing that comes up when you search “Whitney” is the Whitney Museum in Virginia. On Rushmore Drive it’s Whitney Houston. Boo yah. Jah informs us that there’s also a “Blackle” search engine for eco-friendly people, which has a black background which requires much less energy to produce the screen image
39:49 – The federal government began a pilot program on Aug. 5 in five cities (San Diego, Chicago, Charlotte, Phoenix and Santa Ana) that allows illegal immigrants to voluntarily turn themselves in. In exchange, they are allowed 90 days to leave the country so they don’t have to risk arrest or sudden deportation. In those 5 cities there are 5,000 illegal aliens, and 6 people have turned themselves in. Government is not ready to say whether the program is a success or not
42:09 – Bobby Guffey always plays the same combination of lottery numbers every week. He goes to buy his ticket this week and forgets his bifocals, then realizes he punched in the wrong number. He goes back to get the correct number of his son’s birthday, then the incorrect one actually wins him $3 million in the Indiana Lottery ($1.2 million after taxes).
48:28 – Ian Zeiring quote: “Steve Sanders lives in our hearts and in our minds. But I don’t think I want to do this show. I think it might be a step backwards.”
51:22 – 20-year-old girl in Ohio boned down on a 15-year-old and she became pregnant. She’s now 21, he’s now 16. The girl is on trial for unlawful sexual contact with a minor, faces 2 years in prison and registering as a sex offender. Another court has ordered him to pay $50 a month for child support
2:53 – Superintendents in Butler County have voted not to allow high school cheerleaders to wear their uniforms to school on Fridays
5:55 – John McCain at a fundraiser speech in Phoenix, surrounded by teenagers, brings a special friend to perform. His name? Daddy Yankee.
7:21 – The USPS will lose around $2 billion this year, and could lose at least that much next year
16:16 – Boyfriend jeans is the new trend – girls wearing their boyfriends’ jeans. Jah is down with it, Seth is not
17:17 – Jah reads an excerpt from the autobiography of Matthew McConaughey’s mother, Kay McConaughey, talking about her husband’s death: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong because I didn’t hear anything from him, just nothing. But it was just the best way to go.” And talking about him being taken out to the ambulance naked: “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey and his gift.”
20:31 – Seth was reading about how the largest land predators, polar bears, and the largest sea predators, sharks, are being affected by global warming and forced out of their natural environments. Eventually we’re ramping up for the two animals to go full deathmatch on small patches of ice in the arctic. Jah thinks the shark would win because the polar bear would have no grabability out at sea. Seth thinks the polar bear would win because he would latch onto the ice and club the shark
31:23 – Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani had a new baby boy who joins 2-year-old Kingston. His name is Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.
33:29 – Google has canceled free dinners for all employees (breakfast and lunch still free). Executive chef Joseph Desimone was stolen away by Facebook. The Mountain View HQ offers estimated $72 million per year in free food. New employees of Google put on the “Google 15” because of all the restaurants. Jah and Amir were supposed to do a gig there and would have gotten paid super well, but it fell through
35:28 – Ventura County man has now rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks
51:15 – Darryl Hanna being interviewed by Fox News outside the DNC: “I’m not going to the convention at all. I refuse to go into a building that’s named after a beverage that causes obesity and diabetes.”
52:50 – In Bellville, Michigan, Fred Homes had saved up thousands of dollars over the past year, planning to surprise his family with a trip to Disney World. In order to hide the money, he took a DVD copy of Sin City and hid it underneath the chapter booklet. His wife had a garage sale and sold Sin City with two other movies for $10. Jah says that if they were a huge show they could get that money back and send it to him. Jah predicts the other 2 DVDs were Click and Gone In 60 Seconds
55:27 – Trend popping up of parents going in and airbrushing the school photos of their children for maximum exposure
3:17 – Football widows: women whose husbands are completely out of pocket because of football season and fantasy leagues, etc.
7:29 – Starbucks is now offering oatmeal for $2.45. Jah is totally down with it and wonders if he can get it with soy milk. Howard Schultz said that the smell of the oatmeal will not overpower the smell of the coffee, although Jah says they still haven’t dealt with the smells resulting from the cleaning solutions used on the panini makers they tried
8:53 – A panel of doctors for the American Academy of Otolaryngology and Head & Neck Surgery Foundation released new guidelines for ear care. Earwax serves as a protective lubricator and has antibacterial properties. Resist the urge to use Q-Tips because they push the cerumen (secretion, hair and dead skin) deeper and into more dangerous areas of the ear canal. Seth has thrown his Q-Tips out as a result of this
10:47 – Original iPhones are selling for more than the 3G versions because they’re easier to unlock and hack, making them easier to convert to other cellular carriers or connect to open wireless networks
11:54 – Accuweather.com now has the frizz index, which lets you know the dramatic effect the weather could have on your hair
23:14 – California prisons are preparing for an onslaught of gay weddings at the 33 state-run facilities. Inmates cannot marry fellow inmates of the same prison, a rule that was made because officials are concerned that an inmate could discover information that another inmate has a lot of property/assets on the outside, then force him to marry him and gain equal access to the assets
26:21 – In Niagara Falls, N.Y., 52-year-old James Curtis was charged with aggravated harassment after posting a sign in the Public Works office that said WHITES ONLY above a drinking fountain. When questioned about it, he said it was not racial.
30:42 – 6-year-old girl playing hide and go seek with her grandma, comes out of the bushes with a “doll,” which turns out to be a live baby with an umbilical cord still attached. They brought the baby to the hospital totally safe and sound
35:48 – A 12,000-member kids’ sports league in Indiana has banned the use of first names and/or nicknames on all boys or girls team jerseys to protect children from potential sexual predators
39:56 – The Frisky, a women’s dating/lifestyle website, posed the question “What would you do if you had a penis for a day?” Some of the answers: I’d slap it on counters and stuff. … I would totally get it hard and beep a horn with it. … Poke it in holes. … I would probably have sex with various holes, like a donut. … Seriously, I wanna see what the big deal is. … I hope it feels like heaven. … I’d check out this whole urinal thing. … Do I get balls too? … Seriously, I don’t think I’d be able to stop touching it. … I would write my name in pee. … I would pee on people’s heads from a roof. … I would draw eyes on the tip and make the peephole talk. … I would masturbate – a lot. Jah: “Those are some awesome answers.” Jah claims he’s done most of the answers on this list, except for peeing on people’s heads from a roof. He’s also done the “girl tuck” and the “turtle shell,” where you put everything underneath the scrotum. Seth thinks that kind of stuff is gross
48:01 – Illinois school superintendent Herschel Hanna proposed a plan to disallow students from attending senior prom unless they kept their grades up. “You’re not in school to drop it like it’s hot.”
49:26 – Jah recaps the dude who exposed himself three times to 7 drive-through Java Girls baristas (Episode 129, 3:45). He has finally been caught, and said “Once you start it’s hard to stop.”
51:05 – New studies from Stanford’s Human Interaction Lab indicate that in the virtual world, the younger, fitter and more attractive you are, the better you’ll fare
51:44 – Australian company Village Road Show will unveil 3 upscale movie theaters in 2009 called Gold Class Cinemas, including online seating reservations, valet parking, in-theater food and beverage. It only costs $35 per ticket, not including the exquisite food menu that has duck tacos, Kobe beef burgers and crème brulee on it.
55:18 – A new website, ParentConnect.com posts all of kids’ grades, attendance, teacher comments, upcoming assignments, tests, etc. This infuriates Seth.
3:04 – New ecological threat: Global dimming – a marked decrease in the amount of sunlight that reaches the earth’s surface. Jah thinks it’s because so many people are tanning. For Jah’s birthday Seth got him 5 sessions at Ibiza Tan on Fairfax. Jah has 2 remaining tans
4:53 – Naming rights for new football stadium for NY Giants and NY Jets may go to a German insurance company called Allianz that worked with the Nazis in WWII. They denied insurance for any of the Jews or their family members who died at Auschwitz death camp.
6:07 – Neighbors complaining about a house on a street in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which features a black doll hanging from a cross in their yard. The owner says it is not racist but sentimental. The owner’s dog’s name is also Hitler.
12:12 – Col. Sanders’ original handwritten recipe of 11 herbs and spices was removed from KFC’s corporate offices for the first time in several decades, allowing KFC to revamp the security that surrounds the company’s biggest secret
15:04 – Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter (Bristol), has some interesting quotes on his Myspace page: I’m a fuckin redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirtbikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys. Do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin chillin.’ You fuck with me, I’ll kick ass. I don’t want kids.
17:28 – New food items at the Texas State Fair: chicken fried bacon and deep fried jelly beans
21:51 – Growing danger on American roads is stunting – people doing tricks on motorcycles, videotaping and putting them on YouTube.
26:03 – American parents are facing a common problem of babysitters who spend more time texting than watching their kids
29:01 – Retired gay porn star Kurt Wild was fired from his job at Subway after a customer who recognized him complained and threatened a boycott of the store if he wasn’t fired
33:33 – The Association of Professional Flight Attendants, which represents 19,000 American Airlines flight attendants, wants the airline to install software that prevents passengers from surfing porn on their handheld internet devices in the backs of chairs
39:22 – In Rockland, Calif., 34-year-old Keith Fonte was arrested after walking up to two different groups of men completely nude and asking if they wanted to play. One group booked it and the other group called the authorities. He was later identified by another group that had seen him do it on another day
40:27 – Walter Freeman, a 72-year-old sex offender, left a courthouse and was rearrested 30 minutes later standing next to an ice cream truck offering to buy two young boys an ice cream
48:35 – As fuel prices are rising many schools are limiting school bus routes, and now they have “walking school buses” where kids walk together in a long line to school. Seth is pissed about this and compares it to when people would call airport taxis “limousines.”
50:59 – The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety is attempting to raise the minimum age to have a driver’s license to 18 years old
52:24 – New battle for American parents – superlice. Lice that have developed a full immunity to all currently used insecticides
56:18 – Brad Garrett, former star of Everybody Loves Raymond, had a prostate exam live on national television for the Step Up to Cancer fund
58:01 – A 22-year-old graduate student at Sacramento State is auctioning off her virginity, teaming up with Dennis Hoff of the Bunny Ranch to sell herself to the highest bidder. She wants someone who is intelligent and tender. She is paying for her master’s in marriage and family therapy
1:01:09 – A robber in a wheelchair armed with a bat and a knife rolled into a Dallas 7-11, beat the register with the bat until it opened. He took no cash, instead he pocketed a box of condoms and an energy drink.
4:21 – Reporter from the Rocky Mountain News was following a story about a 3-year-old boy who was killed in a Baskin Robbins when a truck inadvertently drove into the store. The reporter has supplemented his coverage of the story by tweeting the funeral using Twitter. As he was tweeting he was saying “people are sobbing,” “procession begins,” “people gather at graveside,” etc.
21:20 – In Green Bay, Wis., a 33-year-old woman is accused of stealing her daughter’s identity and then going to high school and trying out for the cheerleading team. She says she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life that she had missed.
24:38 – Hot new trend for upcoming Christmas season is people wrapping gifts with actual sheets of dollar bills
41:42 – Chevrolet is getting hit hard financially and is now scaling back production of the Corvette. Jah’s favorite model year is a 1977, scratch that, a 1973 Stingray.
43:03 – NBC has sold 85% of their Super Bowl ads for 2009
44:35 – 18-to-24-year-olds are more interested in looking at Myspace and Facebook than they are porn sites. Porn use is down for the first time in 10 years
45:06 – Totspot, Lilgrams and Kidmondo are 3 names of social networking sites for infants/toddlers
47:46 – Attorney generals from 25 different states have asked Miller/Coors to ban their new version of Sparks, Sparks Red, which will have the highest volume of alcohol yet
49:08 – Teenage girls across the U.S. wear sweatpants/shorts with writing across the butt. Some girls have started putting their boyfriends’ names put across the shorts (JAH’S ASS). A school district in Texas is issuing denim inmate prison jumpsuits for any girl who wears those to school
56:25 – Researchers have studied the data, ratings and top lists of the hotornot.com website. They found that all men, no matter where they are rated in the scheme, believe they have a chance with the most highly rated attractive women on the site
58:02 – Four firefighters from San Diego are suing the city for being forced to drive their truck in a 3-hour gay pride parade. The mandatory participation was ordered by their lesbian fire chief. The crowd gave them numerous cat calls and harassment, etc.
1:02 – Parents enrolling kids 4-10 years old in child health clubs featuring tiny-sized equipment and classes for kids
2:55 – The Lighthouse Mission at the True North Community Church in Long Island received an anonymous winning lottery ticket this week worth $3 million. Church cannot accept the gift, however, because they counsel gamblers and this would be in contrast to their mission
5:49 – New study finds that the average automobile contains almost 400 kinds of different bacteria. Turning on the car’s heat will incubate and send potent fungi and germs around the automobile
6:42 – A teen girl in Dallas was forbidden from wearing a rosary around her neck because she was told it was a gang symbol
9:05 – Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend Casey videotaped Jamie Lynn breastfeeding her baby in a Louisiana Wal-Mart, her breasts were exposed, someone got copies of the photos, and local police have begun a child pornography investigation because she’s 17 years old
11:07 – Gov. Schwarzenegger has signed a bill in California starting Jan. 1, 2009, that says you can no longer text while driving
13:00 – Clay Aiken is allegedly a new father and a new homosexual
21:43 – This past Monday saw the premier of Logo’s six-episode docusoap, Shirts & Skins, which follows the gay basketball team, The Rockdogs, who live in a converted firehouse
33:01 – PETA is petitioning Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream in Vermont to replace cow’s milk in their ice cream with breast milk. Jah comes up with a couple flavors to fit this theme: Mama’s Marzapan and Big Mama Cass’ Caramel Tittie Crunch.
34:33 – The iPhone 3G power adapter may cause electric shock
36:18 – Kirk Cameron plays a firefighter in the new movie Fireproof, about a married couple rediscovering their love of their faith and each other. Since Kirk refuses to kiss any other woman beside his wife, the filmmakers had to dress his wife up to look like the female lead and they shot a scene of them kissing in a dark silhouette scene to splice that into the movie
54:54 – The Des Moines Area Community College is apologizing for a typo that appeared in their school calendars that were passed out this week to more than 10,000 students. A calendar entry for Feb. 16, 2009, salutes Black History Month with a “Lynch and Learn.”
0:45 – Jay-Z is introducing a new fragrance: 91X Rocawear
4:56 – Jah updates his complaint about the eco Starbucks cups that had ill-fitting lids. The new lids are now in at Starbucks, and are much thicker. The perforation where the straw goes in is super-sharp, which doesn’t allow the green straws to go through without being punctured. Jah put his whole fist through the lid the other day. Seth: “You fisted a venti coffee.”
6:50 – Starbucks release piadinis – sausage, egg, cheddar and portabello mushroom with spinach and feta cheese - $3.25. Piadini is Italian flatbread that is square-shaped, chewy and soft
12:16 – Phillip Seton, 61, of Louisville, Ky., went in to get a circumcision, but the doctor found cancerous cells in the penile area and removed the man’s entire penis. In West Virginia last week, a man’s ass was stapled shut and he couldn’t take a dump for 17 days. He’s suing his doctor
19:33 – Chris Martin of Coldplay: “I have nothing but respect for Nickelback. They take a lot of flak from people who have never done fuck-all in their life. And I think they’re great. And that’s my final word.”
23:21 – Ave Maria University in Naples, Fla., is the first Roman Catholic university established in the U.S. in 40 years, founded by the founder of Domino’s Pizza. They recently canned the school’s basketball coach for using profanity during a scrimmage.
24:46 – Comedian Sandra Bernhardt was cut as the headliner from an annual benefit for Boston’s women’s shelter, because during a recent standup performance she claimed that Sarah Palin would get “gangraped by big black brothers” if she ever visited New York City
28:32 – Ed MacMahon is going to star in online rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com. Seth states that we are now in a Rappin’ Granny Renaissance
29:47 – The National Federation of the Blind is protesting the new movie Blindness, saying it reinforces negative stereotypes about blind people. Jah says the thing he hates the most about blind people is that they always protest stuff
33:11 – Black Dog Syndrome – black dogs are the last dogs to be adopted and they can’t find enough homes for black dogs. (Jah has 2 black rescued dogs) Jah says this is because the dog’s eyes blend in with their fur and buyers can’t get a read on the animal and feel like they can’t trust or connect with the dogs. This is spot-on to Seth’s research about it.
36:28 – Oregon Public Schools have almost systematically eliminated all dodgeball and kickball from all gym classes. They have replaced them with cup stacking or geochaching – mini treasure hunt that relies on the knowledge of navigation tools
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
44:46 – Larry Flynt just shot a porn using a Sarah Palin look-alike. He put out a Craig’s List ad and offered $3,000 for the shoot. Seth asks Jah to think of the title of the movie and Jonathan basically gets it right on the money: “Nailin’ Palin.”
45:34 – Jah says companies are now giving employees Lovesick Days – paid time after a breakup
46:25 – Bruce Springsteen will be playing at halftime of this year’s Super Bowl
49:01 – Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were seen shopping for wedding rings at a Zales in Dallas
53:24 – UNLV has a new class for students called Nightclub Management – where your final project is throwing a jam at a night club and your professor gives you a grade on how good your party is
0:36 – Seth learns from the TV that Bud Light has “Drinkability.”
1:15 – More people are eating meals at home and the sudden rush has seen a jump in cookbook sales and people watching cooking TV shows
1:56 – Campbell’s Soup is doing fantastic right now, stock is rising
6:32 – It’s rumored there might be a fifth Indiana Jones
9:22 – Gmail has a new feature called “Mail Goggles” which keeps you from sending drunk e-mails. Before hitting send you must answer 5 math questions, and you can change the difficulty of the questions beforehand
14:26 – Seth ponders the validity of American Apparel being listed as the largest clothing manufacturer in the U.S., as listed in Wikipedia
16:34 – Nevada authorities have seized the records of a group called ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), a group that works to register low-income people to vote. The entire starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys was registered to vote online in Nevada among a slew of other forged names and addresses
17:50 – The Neiman Marcus 2008 Christmas catalog that allows elaborate gifts for the wealthy – you can have Jack Nicklaus design a golf course for you for $1 million, have an artist do lifesize statues of you made out of Legos or buy the Cowboys’ end zone for $500,000 and have it stuck in your backyard
24:51 – Chicago Public Schools will open a new high school next year specifically geared for the LGBT community
28:05 – In the wake of Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli, Seth and Jah joke about the fact that it was really Seth Romatelli in the fight
35:16 – Levis is changing the design of its Dockers, which has always been an unaltered design. A trend toward a slimmer look will change that pleated “big butt” look. Seth says that 9 out of 10 American males ages 18-39 has a pair of Dockers in his closet
38:04 – Since June 17, more gay couples were married in California than in the four years since it’s been legal in Massachusetts
1:31 – Nebraska has a safe haven law that allows children to be dropped off outside of any state licensed hospital without penalty. The law states that a child of any age can be dropped off. This week a mother in Michigan drove 12 hours to Omaha and dropped off her 13-year-old son
14:14 – Virgin Galactic out of Las Cruces, N.M. will open in 2010 and charge $200,000 for a person to experience zero gravity in outer space for two hours. They just turned down a $1 million offer from a company that wanted to shoot the first space porn. Seth ponders if anyone has had sex in zero gravity
15:39 – A study will be presented next week at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting, that when performing CPR, the perfect rhythm is 100 compressions per minute – or the 1970s hit “Stayin’ Alive” by the Beegees, which is 103 bpm
16:47 – 1200 sex offenders in Maryland have begun receiving paper signs in their mail that read NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE over a pumpkin on the sign. They must turn off all their lights and post this sign on their door or they face parole violation
21:24 – A trail of emotional damage is being left by American women’s flirtation with same-sex affairs – fauxmosexuals. They’re causing damage to true lesbians, who will be left with the damage once the fad goes out of style. Celesbians, celebrity lesbians, are contributing to the mass paranoia
23:55 – A study in the Journal of Fish Biology has scientists confirming the second case of a virgin birth in a shark. DNA testing showed there was no genetic material from a male nor any male sharks at the aquarium
27:50 – Researchers at Rutgers University did a study on freshmen college girls. The “Freshman 15” is a myth – it’s actually the “Freshman 7”
31:18 – Connecticut legalizes gay marriage
33:46 – Phish announces they’re getting back together with reunion shows March 6-8
54:51 – Companies are stealing photos off of people’s Flickr pages and using them in ads and print jobs
2:47 – John McCain during a rally in N.H.: “…rates were cunt in the Bush years.”
4:42 – Quote from David Sedaris: “I look at these people and I can’t quite believe they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and eventually parks it beside my seat. ‘Can I interest you in the chicken,’ she asks, ‘Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?’ To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask, ‘How is the chicken cooked?’”
16:29 – McCain’s campaign has used quite a few songs during rallies and speeches, and several artists have written letters because the songs have been used without permission: Bon Jovi’s “Who Says You Can’t Go Home”; Jackson Browne’s “Runnin’ On Empty” ; Foo Fighters “My Hero”; Van Halen “Right Now”; John Mellencamp “Pink Houses”; and Heart “Barracuda.”
20:29 – Miller Coors LLC has announced they will discontinue production of the original alco-pop, Zima. They claim there is enough to last through Christmas of 2008. It was released in 1993 in the “Clear Craze” of Crystal Clear Pepsi and Tab Clear. Reached its peak in 1994, and in 1995 they debuted Zima Gold for men
23:08 – New trend – STDE-cards, e-cards that inform people you’ve recently tested positive for an STD, and warning the recipients to get tested
25:27 – Seth warns us that there’s been sightings in the Chicago area of a man dressed as a clown trying to talk to children. Clowns don’t bother Jah like they do most people
31:12 – Barack Obama tells people in Philly that although he’s a White Sox fan he’ll root for the Phillies now that the Sox lost. In Tampa, Obama says he’s showing love to the Rays. Seth says he takes that sports team reference stuff seriously
33:14 – WMVN 101.1 FM in St. Louis switched to an all-Christmas format through the rest of the year beginning last week (mid-October)
38:10 – The Nebraska governor and lawmakers finally narrowed the broad law of abandoning children – it now only applies to babies up to 3 days old
38:57 – Gmail has canned responses that saves text and lets you send e-mails with predetermined content
45:28 – In an effort to get people to stop eating fish, PETA has called a new publicity campaign calling fish “sea kittens.”
50:17 – The city of Peabody, Mass., issued a new contract for the Peabody Police Department, giving holiday pay for any officer who works on September 11
56:16 – Clint Malarchuk – former NHL goalie best known for having jugular vein slashed by a skate and almost killed in a 1989 hockey game, is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the face with a rifle
5:54 – Nebraska has agreed to change their safe haven law for kids to be dropped off, but changing the law takes time. Before the law gets changed, two more teens have been dropped off. A mother drove 16 hours from Georgia to drop off her 12-year-old, and a 15-year-old Nebraska girl was left as well. There was also a father who dropped off nine children.
11:11 – A 56-year-old woman in Ohio had triplets this week. Because of complications, she had them by C-section. The embryos were implanted into her uterus by en vitro fertilization. Those embryos belong to her daughter and son-in-law, so she had her own grandchildren
15:17 – In these oh-so tough economic times, there’s been a sharp rise in sperm donations by men and egg donations by women. Ads have come out saying DON’T WASTE YOUR SPERM. DONATE NOW.
19:02 – Sarah Palin in Erie, PA: “I am thrilled to be here in the home state of the world champion Philadelphia Phillies.” She was then booed by the entire audience because Erie is in Western Pennsylvania, where the Pirates are king.
23:23 – A study published in the Journal of Science said that people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. People holding a cup of iced coffee had the complete opposite effect.
24:12 – A Denton TX man was arrested in a large department store for stealing a tube of male enhancement cream/numbing agent. He was followed into a bathroom stall, where he applied the cream. He then walked into the toy section of the store and pulled out his penis in front of a girl who was by the Barbie dolls.
29:02 – Beverly Hills Chihuahua, now in its fourth week of release, has made more money than the Ed Norton/Colin Farrell movie “Pride and Glory”
30:54 – Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting on Extra, and got mad at the interviewer when he started laughing at him
41:32 – Pepsi’s new 20-oz plastic bottles have new extra wrinkly plastic and a reconfigured logo to look more like the Obama logo, and Mountain Dew is just called mtn dew on the bottle
48:37 – Up for sale on eBay is “Lucky rain” collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia in a pan on a man’s front porch, on the night of their World Series-clinching win. You can buy it now for $8.99.
51:01 – John McCain’s brother, Joe, called 911 the other day on his way home, saying this: “Do you know why on one side, at the damn drawbridge at 95, traffic is stopped for 15 minutes, and yet traffic is coming the other way?” Operator: “Sir, are you calling to complain about traffic?” Joe McCain: “Fuck you.”
8:04 – Courtenay Semel, former Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel’s daughter, had an altercation with a security guard at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. When the guard tried to detain her she said, “Do you even know who I am? Google me, you dumb fuck!”
10:34 – Miami had its first murder-free month (October 2008) in over 42 years
16:34 – A family in Minnesota took their 7-year-old son (ghoulish skateboarder) and 9-year-old daughter (witch) trick-or-treating. They got home and the kids were dumping out their candy, and they found a brown paper bag with $85 in cash and 2.2 grams of meth in the boy’s bag
19:05 – Every 18 seconds an elderly person 65 or older ends up in an emergency room because of a fall. Every 35 minutes, an elderly person 65 or older dies from complications from a fall
21:57 – Don Doan, 62, a church deacon, bowled for the same team in the Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna, Michigan, for 32 years. Minutes after bowling his first perfect game of his life, during his enthusiastic high-fiving of his teammates, he died of a heart attack.
40:24 – The color for 2009 is mimosa, according to Seth
43:38 – Newark, N.J. mayor Corey Booker: “I want to celebrate all of America: its richness, its diversity, its deliciousness. I want to luxuriate the racial deliciousness of our country.”
44:38 – Seth and Jah bring up New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin’s crazy 2006 quote about how to make a “Chocolate City.” (Episode 016, 7:25)
45:30 – A 15-year-old girl was dropped off at an Omaha, Nebraska hospital this week, bringing the total number of kids dropped off to 27.
4:59 – The University of Oxford has released the 10 most irritating expressions in the English language: 10) It’s not rocket science; 9) 24/7; 8) Shouldn’tve; 7) It’s a nightmare; 6) Absolutely (Seth says this is kind of like when Jah says “Smokin!”; 5) With all due respect (Jah: “Shneer, with all due respect…”); 4) At this moment in time; 3) I personally; 2) Fairly unique; 1) At the end of the day
12:31 – Michael Jackson signed over control of the Neverland Ranch to some sort of holdings company, LLC. Over the years, thousands and thousands of kids have visted the ranch. Jackson: “Once you come in the gates, the outside world does not exist.”
13:57 – Texas Longhorns center Buck Burnette was dropped from his team for posting the following quote on his Facebook page: ALL THE HUNTERS GATHER UP. WE HAVE A NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
14:51 – The Sapulpa Daily Herald (Okla.) did not report anywhere in the paper that Barack Obama had been elected the day after the November election. It did, however, have a paragraph mentioning that everyone in the county voted for McCain
16:17 – A female from Oklahoma was brought down to Louisiana for a KKK rally, and when she said she didn’t want to be there anymore they killed her and dumped the body
18:24 – Secret Service code names for the presidential family-elect: Barack Obama – Renegade; Michelle Obama – Renaissance; Sasha Obama – Rosebud; Malia Obama – Radiance; Joe Biden – Celtic; Jill Biden – Capri
22:29 – Lindsay Lohan to Access Hollywood this week: “It’s an amazing feeling. It’s our, you know, first … “colored” president.”
23:30 – Hewlett Packard has pulled their new ad campaign for the Touchsmart computer because it uses the song “Do You Want To Touch Me?”, a song performed by Joan Jett but written by Gary Glitter, who served two years in a Vietnamese prison for touching boys
24:40 – Toyota has been using Fixx’s “Saved By Zero” in its commercials, which is getting hammered all over the blogosphere, etc.
32:30 – Nebraska has seen its 30th child left by a parent – a 17-year-old boy. An 18-year-old girl was also dropped off, but because of her age she was placed in a homeless shelter
45:46 – Journal of Applied Animal Behavior Science reports that female koala bears in captivity repeatedly turn away male koala bear suitors to engage in huge lesbian orgies. The rates are five times greater than those that occur in the wild
48:25 – Anthony Michaels is suing Classmates.com, founded in 1995, for fraud, because the website told him that former school pals were trying to contact him. He paid an extra $15 to upgrade to the gold membership, only to find that no one was trying to contact him. The website lied to him.
50:32 – Another casualty of the economic crisis is downsized office Christmas parties, because companies either don’t have money or are pretending not to have money – cheaper locations, less catering, no open bar, etc.
51:57 – The Texas Attorney General has filed a lawsuit against Darque Tan because they claim their tanning beds help fight cancer b/c the beds use Vitamin D which decrease cancer risks
54:36 – There’s a gun run going on in this country across many southern states. Gun buyers are stocking up on assault rifles and handguns, and sales are the highest they’ve ever been since 9/11. Many are worried that Obama will impose a ban on these guns like Clinton did before Bush. Many people have told stores they are preparing to defend themselves in preparation of a race war
11:23 – Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, weighed in on the California gay marriage issue: “God came to earth and saw people just sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever and just cleared it all out. He was like, ‘Enough!’”
23:02 – Nebraska lawmakers have given preliminary approval to a new 30-day age limit for children to be legally abandoned under the state’s safe haven law, bringing the total tally to 34 kids total
32:47 – TiVo and Domino’s have launched a new service this week – TiVo’ing your pizza order and then half an hour later hearing your doorbell ring
37:38 – Huntington, W. Va., is America’s fattest and unhealthiest city. It also holds the title of worst dental hygience, with half of the citizens over 65 having already lost their teeth. The healthiest city in America is Burlington, VT
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
43:40 – 38-year-old Robert Melia Jr., a cop in Moorestown, N.J., was suspended from the force after being charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Police turned up several homemade porn tapes of Robert in various sex acts with cows
46:09 – A suburban Philadelphia landlord secretly videotaped 34 female tenants over the course of two decades. Thomas Daley had installed cameras in seven apartments that he rented to women and their female roommates
49:53 – Patricia Villamarin has been paid $15 per hour to take care of kids in the Hancock Park and Larchmont areas of Los Angeles ; however she was dumping them in an unlicensed daycare in a Hollywood apartment for $5 a kid, pocketing $10 an hour and driving down to Chinatown to work her 9-5 job of selling produce. Some of the parents got wise to what was going on and the nanny got busted
1:00 – A mailman in N.C., 58-year-old Steven Padgett, was given probation this week in federal court after having been found out that he had hid seven years worth of junk mail in his home instead of delivering it. He felt overwhelmed by the mail and hid it in and around his house, in his garage and even buried some. Not one customer complained to the USPS in seven years. Seth claims that junk mail is the only thing keeping the USPS alive
9:54 – The National Sleep Foundation found that the typical American gets 6 hours and 40 minutes of sleep each night. Nielsen reports that US television use is at an all-time high – being on at the house an average of 8 hours and 18 minutes per day
12:16 – This Friday, Dec. 5, will mark the 75th anniversary of the end of Prohibition. To celebrate this, Jonathan says he is going to watch The Untouchables.
13:17 – In order to calm his nerves and not put too much pressure on himself, Paul McCartney has given himself an alter-ego while recording his upcoming album, Electric Arguments. He now goes up to the mic as “Gladys Jenkins.”
15:34 – New Orleans has been awarded the most crime-ridden city in the United States
16:20 – According to the Journal of Biological Psychology, brain scans of teens with a history of bullying suggest they get pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain. Areas of the brain linked to reward became active when bullying
18:36 – There’s a guy who appears in the book “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” from the website, and is now suing because he is suffering a lot of public shame and humiliation because he has been labeled as such
21:32 – A man died of a heart attack inside The Pussycat Theater (a gay movie theater) and in the obit it said he was survived by his wife and three children
28:50 – A Swedish hip-hop artist and songwriter has been arrested for a road rage confrontation on a Hollywood street that left a pedestrian dead. David Moses Jassy, a 34-year-old musician also known as Dave Monopoly, was arraigned. A 55-year-old local jazz musician, John Osnes, slapped Jasse’s SUV when it crept into his crosswalk. Jassy then got out of his car, punched Osnes in the face and kicked him in the head. When Osnes bent over to pick up his glasses, Jassy broke free of people trying to restrain him, got back behind the wheel of the SUV and ran over Osnes – a pedestrian rights activist
33:44 – WATCH – The World Against Toys Causing Harm, a watchdog group has warned parents in the US to look out for the Michaelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nunchucks ($9.99 at Target) because they can cause blunt impact injury
38:12 – In order to cover all the costs incurred during a typical school year, a high school in San Diego has allowed local businesses to advertise and run ads on the students’ tests. A recent calculus test had a banner on the top and bottom of the page that said BRACE YORUSELF FOR A GREAT SEMESTER – BRACES BY HENRY, STEVEN P. HENRY, D.MD
43:11 – A football game on Thursday that has been shot in 3D will be shown in three movie theaters in LA, New York and Boston – which you have to be invited to come. Guests will include big wigs from NFL sponsors and electronics companies to watch the Raiders vs. Chargers
45:01 – Seth talks about his friend, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who went to see the movie Role Models and saw a homeless man outside the theater, then bought him a ticket to the movie and gave him some extra spending cash. The homeless man, named “Doc,” went into the theater and sat by Romo and watched the movie together.
47:32 – Brad Pitt was stopped by security for entering the premiere of his own movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
50:33 – In Culver City, there’s a green eco battle going on between two neighbors – one has put solar panels all over his roof, and the other has surrounded his property in trees to block the sun and conserve energy, except the solar panels aren’t working because of the shade
51:55 – Stainless steel netting costing up to $50 million will be placed beneath the Golden Gate bridge to catch would-be suicide jumpers. 2,000 people have jumped from the bridge since it opened in 1937. Through October, 19 people have jumped in 2008
4:50 – Video stores and libraries have been getting Netflix accounts, putting the movies into blank cases and then re-renting them to customers
7:31 – NBC reports that 8 of the 65 30-second spots available for Super Bowl XLII are available. Jonathan pleads to the listeners to pony up a little bit of cash per person to raise $3 million for a 30-second spot advertising UYD
16:46 – 9-year-old Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet for his school’s book fair. It has been picked up by a publishing house and turned into a 49-page book available in book stores. It’s called “How To Talk To Girls.” In the book he talks about combing hair, not showing off and going easy on the compliments. He also says pretty girls are like cars because they need a lot of oil.
22:44 – 2008 Top 10 most searched terms on Yahoo!: 10) American Idol, 9) Angelina Jolie, 8) Lindsay Lohan, 7) Naruto (Japanese cartoon), 6) Jessica Alba, 5) Runescape (online game), 4) Mylie Cyrus, 3) WWE, 2) Barack Obama, 1) Britney Spears
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them threw their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
34:35 – Michael Phelps was on 60 Minutes and it took everything Anderson Cooper had not to start making out with him. They go to a swimming pool and Cooper takes his shirt off and tries to swim against him
39:39 – A Rastafarian, Bobby Brown, is suing the Jiffy Lube he works in in Massachusetts because they threatened to fire him if he doesn’t shave and cut his hair. They said they’d make him work in the bay below the cars if he didn’t.
49:35 – Crocs has won its lawsuit against Skechers, forcing them to stop making their plastic cog footwear. Seth: Are those new Crocs? They’re Skechers! Jah wishes we could see Seth’s body language right now
50:53 – 10 hours after a motorist reported striking a black bear in Lake Tahoe, the CHP reported that the bear’s gall bladder had been surgically removed, its groin area was shaved and a surgical glove was found next to the carcass. The gall bladder can sell for thousands of dollars on the black market in Asia as an aphrodesiac. Jah suspects that the person doing this is listening to a police scanner, getting there before the cops and taking care of it — or, a person runs over a bear, removes its gall bladder and calls it in afterwards
55:28 – A 31-year-old man in Nebraska was arrested because he met a “15-year-old girl” (cop) in a park for sex. He’s appealing with his lawyer on the grounds that the police used entrapment because the officer used emoticons during their online dialogue. Then when he tried to end the chat she blew him a kiss with an emoticon
56:48 – On Black Friday a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by crazy shoppers
1:00:05 – Bryan Russell, 31, of Maine, led police on a short car chase from the town he lives in to the neighboring town. He pulled over when he got to the county line and was like “What’s up fruits?!” The cops still arrested him as he apparently thought it was Dukes of Hazzard times.
0:40 – The Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience at UC-Berkeley fitted 9- and 10-year-olds with an egg cap that had electrodes on it to measure the electrical activity in their brains. Half the kids were from rich families, the other half were from poor families. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain critical to problem solving and creativity, showed vast differences. The poor kids’ brains were psychologically similar to someone with brain damage. Attributed to these kids were reading less, and having less social activity
3:38 – McDonald’s has unveiled a billboard campaign in Seattle that will roll out across the country: FOUR BUCKS IS DUMB. NOW SERVING ESPRESSO AT MCDONALD’S and LARGE IS THE NEW GRANDE. ONLY AT MCDONALD’S
5:26 – Top baby names of 2008 (a cross-section) – Girls: #1 – Emma, #15 – Riley, #22 – McKayla, #48 – Savannah, #71 – Cadence, #86 - McKenna. Boys: #1 – Aidan. #15 – Gavin, #18 – Caleb, #53 – Tristan, #95 – Bryce, #99 – Micah
8:05 – The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has banned smiling in driver’s license photos, because authorities say it will hamper facial recognition technology.
9:56 – Because the earth is slowing in its daily rotation, an international consortium of timekeepers have decided to add an extra second to the world’s atomic clocks. It will be added on Dec. 31 between 6:59:59 and 7:00:00, EST
18:24 – There have been 0 bids for the baby pics of Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz’s kid, Bronx Mogley. Pete Wentz this week: “Ashley is the kind of person that understands me in a way that other human beings don’t understand each other. She’s a lottery ticket.”
24:44 – Hot new trend: cosmetic surgery for the deceased
29:13 – Fox Sports has issued a public apology after their live NFL broadcast this Sunday. They were in the Minnesota Vikings’ locker room after their victory and a camera caught TE Visanthe Shiancoe’s dong by his locker. When told by a reporter that the clip was on YouTube, Shiancoe said, “How did it look?”
40:52 – Scientists have concluded that due to the overwhelming presence of chemicals in our environment, the male gender is in danger. Research has shown that chemicals have feminized males in every class of vertebrate animals from fish to people – baby boys born to women exposed to common household chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminized genitals. More than 1,000 new gender-bender chemicals have been introduced to the world in recent years
44:32 – A report back about the football game being shown in 3D (Episdoe 143, 43:11) was that it was “quite exciting.” You could see holes being opened up for running backs to run through, etc. During NBA All-Star Saturday Night (dunk contest, 3-point contest), that will be shot in 3D HD and shown in 80 movie theaters. Jah says Laura Darlington will get up on that. Jah saw the 3D television that was at the movie theater in the marina. He said it works, although it is a bizarre experience looking at what appears to be a 3D image without glasses. He says if you’re not in the optimum viewing area it could possibly give you a bad headache
55:01 – A man got a fraudulent parking ticket in NYC for $115, and he spent $7,500 to fight it because he “had nothing else to do.”
1:35 – ESPN asks 50 Cent about an alleged fight that he got into with Floyd Mayweather Jr. Mayweather hit 50 in the back of the head. Supposedly he tried to tell 50 what to do and 50 snatched him up and Mayweather him him. The fight was over Mayweather saying 50 was going to be at his WWE match. 50: “I was like if you’re really getting $20 million for this then give me some money. He was sitting there with $1 million in cash in a bag and he kept telling me he was going to get me money for appearing but I was like ‘No give me some of that money right there.’ He had $1 million physically right in front of me so why should I have to wait to get paid? He wasn’t with it so that’s how it all started.”
3:35 – Churches across the country are taking nativity scenes seriously this year, putting hidden cameras and GPS trackers inside baby Jesus to keep them from being stolen, etc.
7:45 – A hot new trend this week is loved ones being buried with their cell phones. Funeral homes report people being buried with iPhones and Blackberrys, while one woman paid her deceased husband’s cell phone bill each month and would call him occasionally and leave him a voicemail. Seth would like to be buried with his boombox
17:21 – The top grossing movie in the U.K. is now Mamma Mia!, which has made $106 million compared to Titanic’s $105 million
25:53 – Researchers have created what they are calling a “time-bending drug” that helps people deal with jet lag. It resets the body’s natural circadian rhythms and restores a natural ebb and flow to one’s sleep. It has melatonin bases that allow the user to get to sleep quicker and sleep deeper in their new time zone
27:38 – American Idol is claiming they’re going to cut down on their episodes in the beginning that feature “aspirational singers”
29:31 – 26th annual AVN Adult Movie Awards will be held on Jan. 10, 2009 at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. The cheapest ticket is $107. Hosted by Jenna Haze and Bella Donna.
38:31 – The Journal of Sleep Medicine is reporting on an alarming new trend of “z-mailing,” or people sending e-mails while sleeping
41:28 – A new study says that romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about relationships and ultimately make it harder to find a mate and leave people less satisfied with their love life
57:39 – A man was arrested in Grapevine TX for impersonating a police officer. He had mimicked the car quite well, but for his badge he used a Chipotle gift card and had Sharpied out his name and written POLICE
1:00:00 – In Holland Township, Pa., 35-year-old Heath Campbell is quite upset with his local supermarket because they’ve refused to make birthday cakes for his 3-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter – they wouldn’t spell out the two children’s names: Adolf Hitler Campbell and Jocelyn Aryan Nation Campbell
4:26 – Alaskan state troopers have arrested Sherri Johnston, 42, after an undercover narcotics investigation. She is the mother of 18-year-old Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter, Bristol. She’s charged with 6 felony counts involving a controlled substance, the prescription painkiller oxycontin
5:42 – The U.S. military’s general order #1 – no alcohol anywhere for soldiers in Iraq – is being lifted for Super Bowl XLIII. On Sunday, Feb. 1, soldiers will be allowed to drink two beers each in the dining hall while watching the game. Jah thinks if they chugged them they could get a solid buzz going
10:37 – A commentary in the Journal Nature argued for the use of drugs such as Ritalin in healthy adults as a legitimate way of improving brain power
12:23 – A Chuck-E-Cheese in Maryland this week, a 4-year-old in his birthday party was playing in the plastic maze of tubes called skytubes. The kid’s father saw his child playing with a condom, while another father saw the boy blowing up what he thought was a balloon. Chuck-E-Cheese representatives claimed that the condom was unused
13:41 – The human nose contains erectile tissue, and Seth read something about people sneezing when they’re aroused
23:02 – PETA picked its Person of the Year, none other than Oprah Winfrey. Seth wonders if UYD could ever win an award from PETA, but Jah says it’s an improbability because they’ve been talking shit about PETA for 2 years because their game is so wack. Seth has been a vegetarian for 6 years and Jah has been one for 11 or 12
24:23 – 18-year-old Uriel Oliva of Anaheim, California was ordered by a judge not to associate with members of his street gang as part of his probation. A police officer assisting on the probation check at Oliva’s home found a photo of him and 2 of his other gang member friends sitting with Santa Claus in a picture taken at the local shopping mall. All 3 are throwing up their gang signs in the photo. Uriel is now on trial facing 3 years in state prison
37:24 – Just before Halloween, JVC – the company that introduced the Video Home System (VHS) format in 1977 – announced it would no longer make stand-alone VCRs. They were the last manufacturer to let them go. The last major Hollywood release on VHS was A History of Violence (2006).
42:03 – A 92-year-old woman bought a scratcher ticket at a supermarket in Queens, NY this week, scratched it and threw it away. The 24-year-old clerk, son of the market’s owner, checked the ticket, saw it was a winner then scratched the rest of the numbers off. Prizes totaled $1 million. The 24-year-old found the woman and gave her back the ticket because he’s the best dude ever. To show her gratitude for this, each of the woman’s 7 children gave him $100 gift cards
48:55 – Students from a high school in Montgomery County, Md. Created a game called “Speed Camera Pimping,” when the kids would take glossy photo paper, duplicate people’s license plates using the same font and colors to mimick a Maryland plate, then tape the fake licenses over their plates, exchanging vehicles among them that were similar to the victims’ vehicles. They would then purposely speed through intersections that had a red light traffic camera, and the next week the victims would receive a citation in the mail worth $300
54:06 – In Mansfield, TX, 66-year-old school bus driver William Allen was arrested for pulling a knife on 3 6-year-old girls. He threatened to cut their wrists after they left cookie crumbs on their bus seats
54:52 – A man in Buffalo, Benedict Harkins, sued a supermarket saying he tripped and fell on a rug in the store, except a surveillance camera showed him looking around, then rolling up the rug and then yelling like he got hurt
56:38 – Dude was running from the cops in a stolen car the middle of the night, he jumps out of it, runs it into a snowbank, then runs into a police station and they jack him up
3:37 – Things/laws that haven’t changed in 2009: In West Virginia, anyone who taunts someone who decides to not participate in a duel is guilty of a misdemeanor and can be fined up to $100; In Alabama, anyone who performs a marriage is entitled to $2
4:31 – Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had their baby boy, Trip. He joins his aunts and uncles, Track (19), Willow (14), Piper (7) and Trig (7 months)
13:57 – Hot new job for 2009: Death midwives. An alternative to traditional funeral services (can cost up to $10,000), for a fee of $1,500, a midwife guides the family through the legalities of losing a loved one, paperwork, death certificates, body transport permits, while being there emotionally for the family and to help ease the person into the next world. The midwife is versed in light makeup and usually brings cardboard caskets for a backyard burial and brings dry ice to allow for extended home viewing
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
23:26 – The average of a first-time mom in the United States is 25.2 years old
27:29 – Thomas Infante walked into a Chicago bank and handed the teller a note that read BE QUICK, BE QUIT. GIVE YOUR CASH OR I’LL SHOOT. The teller gave the man $400; the man ran out and left the note. The note was written on a torn half of his work paystub. On the stub was his full name and home address. The FBI then drove to his house, rang his doorbell and he answered
29:39 – It’s the height of the cruise season, and Seth informs us that 20 people go overboard every year while taking cruises
53:07 – The newest app for the iPhone is “I Am A Man,” costing $1.99, which helps you keep track of your girl’s menstrual cycle and plan your calendar around it, etc.
53:57 – Current U.S. population is 305,529,237. In the month of January, 1 birth is expected to occur every 8 seconds and a death to occur every 12 seconds
1:03:02 – There have been some aggressive anti-panhandling measures taken against homeless people in urban areas of the country
1:06 – New way of reaching out to your favorite celebrities, LiveAutographs.com is a personalized celebrity experience. You tell your favorite celebrity what you want them to say and sign, get a personalized video message and authentic autographed memorabilia. Some of the available celebs: Mario Lopez, NKOTB, Cindy Margolis, Hulk Hogan, Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Danica Patrick (Jah: “Who is that?”). Price starts at $150
7:25 – A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck, ND, called 911 on New Year’s Eve. She reported herself driving under the influence. When police arrived at the scene, the girl was on the side of the road, crying, with her keys in her purse, failed a sobriety test, and was arrested. She told police her life had been spiraling out of control and that she had spent the majority of the time drinking over the past two weeks.
11:41 – Facial recognition software has been created that can take a photo and then compare it to millions of other mug shots in the database and find perfect matches. Software is entitled “MorphoFace”
26:18 – In Jackson, Ohio, a 4-year-old was so angry at his babysitter after the babysitter stepped on his foot that he went and grabbed a shotgun from the closet and shot him
26:54 – Virginia 6-year-old missed his school bus and was bummed, but didn’t want to miss first grade breakfast or gym class, so he took the keys to his mom’s 1995 Ford Taurus, driving 10 miles while weaving in and out of traffic, reaching speeds up to 60 mph until ultimately he slammed into a utility pole. He then left the car on the side of the road and walked the rest of the way to school. He later told police he learned how to drive by playing the game Grand Theft Auto
30:23 – The FBI is warning all Americans about a “cybergeddon” – a mass coordinated cyber attack that would cripple the US by interfering with our very infrastructures that dictate our day-to-day lives
40:27 – Survey of US companies’ HR directors from a cross-section of different industries all around the country found that the #1 complaint of HR directors is internet porn in the workplace
57:25 – In keeping with death midwives (Episode 148, 13:57), people are putting their future grave plots up for sale and putting non-family members in them
58:25 – According to Global Language Monitor, an Austin-based company, the English language is roughly 1,227 words away from reaching 1 million. According to their estimations we should get their around April 29 of 2009
1:01:34 – According to the website Blue Donut, you can determine the age of your vehicle in people years. The formulaic equation for calculating this is taking the milage on your car and dividing it by the model year. Jah can’t seem to correctly divide 60,000 by 2003 to get 29.95 years (he comes up with 2,003)
1:05:08 – Lisa Bonet and her boyfriend Jason Momoa of Stargate: Atlantis had a baby and named it Nakoa Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
2:07 – AshleyMadison.com, the dating website for married people (“Life is short. Have an affair.” – Episode 102, 53:13), will not be allowed to have an ad during the Super Bowl next month. They’ve been turned down. Which leaves room for an Uhh Yeah Dude spot
6:16 – New trend for young parents. Chicken pox parties: parents organize afternoon parties and sleepovers where several kids contract the pox from one kid who is infected with the virus, and they all get it and can organize taking time off work, etc.
12:48 – In a small town in California called Monterey County (a farming town), police have arrested a migrant worker, Marcelino de Jesus Martinez, 36, from rural Juahaca, Mexico. They arrested him after he contacted them to complain about a broken agreement. He had agreed to marry off his 14-year-old daughter to an 18-year-old groom. For this he would receive in exchange $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat. The groom failed to come up with the entire dowery and Martinez went to the cops to complain
15:43 – The classic 1970s book, “The Joy of Sex,” has gotten a modern makeover for the new edition. The men and women featured in photos of the book will have decidedly less hair than their older counterparts. The chapter of sex on horseback will be taken out, as will references to black women as negresses. It will also contain a chapter fully devoted to phone sex. Jah remembers going through that book a couple of times
21:03 – A lawyer for the Swedish hip-hop artist who killed a pedestrian in Hollywood (Episode 143, 28:50) has invoked the movie Crash in court to ask for a reduction of his client’s $1 million bail. He says “The fatal encounter in a Hollywood crosswalk is a prime example of the Academy Award-winning film’s thesis that random interactions of diverse people in a city as frenetic as Los Angeles can lead to disastrous consequences.”
24:43 – One out of every 100 Americans is currently being stalked. Definition of stalk: Two separate occasions by the same person of unwanted contact more than once in a week
30:38 – Chrysler is going to stop producing the PT Cruiser this summer. Seth is angered by this because sometimes all he wants to do is go in his PT Cruiser, get a frozen yogurt, pick up a Laserdisc and go home. Jah: “I loved Laserdiscs. I was so down with them.”
32:26 – A 13-year-old girl in California named Reina Hardesty got a 440-page statement from AT&T this month detailing the 14,528 text messages she had sent last month – on average 484 texts a day. Her father pays $30 a month for unlimited texting in her cellular plan
35:44 – Tuesday’s presidential inaugural celebration for Barack Obama from the Lincoln Memorial will be presented exclusively by HBO. The celebration will feature musical acts Bono, Garth Brooks, Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, James Taylor and Stevie Wonder. The evening will also include readings of historical passages by Jamie Foxx
38:36 – A lottery in Anchorage, Alaska, that has been designed to benefit the state’s sex abuse victims, reached $500,000. It was won this week by a 3-time sex offender
50:01 – Researchers at Wake Forest University have authored a report in Chest – the Journal of American College of Chest Physicians. The report says that parents of children under age 2 should not use Vicks Vapor Rub on their sniffling, coughing, sick children. Use of the product on kids that young was found to increase mucus production and inflammation. Studies found no health benefits for people of any age
52:23 – The old Coke slogan was “The Coke Side of Life,” but the new Coke slogan is “Open Happiness.” Jah also can’t believe Pepsi jacked the Obama logo (Episode 139, 41:32)
53:23 – A married Marine gunnery sergeant was sentenced to 90 days in the brig after pleading guilty to committing adultery. Stephen Kuehler, 30, had recruited 19-year-old Pfc. Michael Patton. He attended Patton’s funeral in Missouri and then slept with his widow while he was there. Pfc. Patton was killed by a roadside bomb
8:32 – Jah reads this current event with the Batman voice: The tough economic times have brought an increase in something we’re calling cash stashers – people who hoard their money at their home instead of using a bank. Companies that sell diversion safes are reporting huge jumps in sales (Jah’s Batman voice fades out with a cough)
14:07 – After 110 years, the HJ Heinz Co. will replace the tiny green pickle that has appeared on the front of their ketchup bottles with a large vine-ripened tomato.
15:18 – Gatorade has also changed its name and logo to “G,” then there’s “G2.”
17:11 – A new study by psychologists at the University of Michigan says that living in urban environments impairs our basic mental processes. The brain is a limited machine and the overwhelming incessant stimuli of the city exhausts the brain and puts a strain on memory, concentration and calmness
22:36 – A police chief at Colorado State University has been relieved of his duties on the campus over allegations of corruption and violence. He’s a 38-year-old grad student. Sheriff’s deputies began recording Dexter Yarbrough’s lectures and off-color remarks, including “women want the dick, even when they say they don’t want the dick.”
29:39 – According to Logo Network, January is the first-ever Drag History Month.
31:05 – Police across the country are reporting the number of stolen cars in the past few months has dropped dramatically. In these tough economic times, it seems people don’t even have enough money to buy a stolen cars
45:44 – The Sixth Annual Lingerie Bowl is scheduled for halfime of Super Bowl XLIII, Sunday, Feb. 1, 2009 – if it even takes place. The hometown Tampa Breeze are embroiled in contract disputes. They are upset that the game is being played at a local nudist resort. Regardless, the inaugural season of the LBFL will kick off at the Sears Center in Chicago on Sept. 4, 2009. There are 10 teams in the league: Tampa Breeze, Seattle Mist, Dallas Desire, Miami Caliente, Chicago Bliss, San Diego Seduction, Atlanta Steam, New England Euphoria, Phoenix Scorch and the LA Temptation
48:14 – Kelli McCarty, 39, a former Miss Kansas and Miss USA 1991, starred on the soap opera Passions for seven years. She will make her XXX debut in a movie called Faithless: From Beauty Queen to Porn Queen, available Feb. 4, 2009. Her quote: “I enjoy acting and I really like sex. This was the perfect opportunity to combine two of my passions.”
53:28 – The first video game sports character to break the color barrier appeared in the Atari 800 game Basketball in 1979.
54:31 – A Michigan postal worker, Jill Hull, was discovered to have rented a storage unit to hide thousands of pieces of mail that she’s failed to deliver, including over 1,000 important first-class letters. When asked about this, she said: “I was unable to deliver all of the mail.”
56:37 – Statistics released by the U.S. Education Department say that 32 million U.S. adults cannot read. That’s 14%, or 1 in every 7 people. Seth refuses to believe this and proves that it’s wicked easy by reading the next news item:
58:29 – On Jan. 22, 1959, the Coors Brewing Co. released the nation’s very first recyclable aluminum beer can, replacing the old tin can. Seth: “It’s wicked easy. Bop-bop-bop. Spell it out.”
1:00 – Seven Jack In The Box locations in Charlotte, N.C., have tried to outsource their drive-thru order taking. A woman going through the drive-thru asked the voice, “Why do you have such a strong accent?” and the reply was “I’m in Texas.”
6:33 – New studies published in a medical journal claim that fake acupuncture needles, or acupuncture needles incorrectly inserted in places where they’re not supposed to be, work as well as proper acupuncture needles in releasing endorphins to heal the body. Seth: “I’m gonna put it in your butt and your eye, but trust me, you’re gonna release some amber, because that’s the color of your energy.”
7:43 – A 14-year-old aspiring police officer put on a uniform, walked into a Chicago police station, managed to get an assignment patrolling in a squad car for over 5 hours before he was detected. He’s a 5-foot-3 boy who’s very muscular, and he stuffed magazines under his shirt to look like a bullet-proof vest. He also knew police lingo from his obsession with police dramas. This is the third time he’s impersonated a police officer. An official claims he was discovered by missing a particular star that is part of his uniform. He did not drive a car, nor did he carry a gun or issue any tickets.
10:09 – A brand-new Harris poll lists America’s top 10 TV personalities: 10) Mark Harmon, 9) Steven Colbert (Seth: “Meshach Taylor.” – Episode 048/10:48), 8) Steve Carell, 7) Charlie Sheen, 6) John Stewart, 5) David Letterman, 4) Oprah Winfrey, 3) Ellen Degeneres, 2) House (this pisses Jah off because it’s a character, not a personality), 1) Jay Leno
25:56 – The Lingerie Bowl has been canceled, which pisses off Jah and Seth
27:30 – PETA’s ad that they were trying to get into the Super Bowl was banned. The ad had some scantily-clad women getting frisky with vegetables, saying vegetarians have better sex, while licking pumpkins, etc. Jah: “What the fuck.”
28:54 – Hackers got into the Texas Department of Transportation computer system and altered a portable roadside traffic sign in Austin to read: ZOMBIES AHEAD. RUN FOR COLD CLIMATES. THE END IS NEAR.
29:38 – A new trend for married females – mousewives. They stay at home, surf the web, and earn money by selling and reviewing items. Jah thinks the mousewife should really become a camwife and make some real money
32:41 – In these tough economic times, even the Girl Scouts are feeling the crunch. Due to the rising baking costs and rising costs of ingredients, boxes of Do-Si-Dos, Thin Mints and Tagalongs will feature fewer cookies per box. Jah likes the peanut butter ones but Seth tells him he can’t have them because now he might get salmonella. Jah tells everyone to just go to Whole Foods and then they won’t have to worry about contracting anything.
36:24 – Michael Yoe, on The Daily 10, interviewing Chris Evans: “I just did a charity event with Jessica Biel. I know you dated her. How was it dating her?” Evans looked off camera to his publicist and looked back and was like “She’s great, she’s got a great heart,” then looked back off camera like What the fuck is he asking me?
46:13 – The United States Postal Service has asked Congress about the possibility of eliminating one day of mail service – either Tuesdays or Saturdays. They lost $3 billion last year and will possibly lose $6 billion this year. Seth says that if they cut a day of his mail, he would lose his mind, because mail is something he looks forward to every day. He got a postcard today from a UYD listener.
47:23 – This week on Kanye Wests’ video blog: “I know I’ve been called the Louis Vuitton Don. I’ve changed my name to Martin Louis The King Jr. Address me as such.”
1:00:46 – Warehouses that are run by Gap, Zapos and Staples, are using autonomous robots to find, gather and deliver products from their shelves. The companies have enormous warehouses filled with their product. The robots are sent into the giant rooms, where they locate the shelving unit that contains the product, slide beneath them to pick them up, then find their own way back to human operators. They need to be recharged 5 minutes for every hour and there are over 1,000 machines now in use.
1:49 – A new research study shows that women have more nightmares than men and men dream about sex more than women
21:52 – According to research by a team at University of Pittsburgh and Harvard medical schools, the more time teenagers spend in front of the television, the more likely they will be depressed as adults
23:54 – The February issue of Archives of Pediatrics in Adolescent Medicine say teens who go out with friends are more likely to use marijuana than teens who have fewer friends
24:40 – Seth read about the woman who had the 40 kids. She’s an only child, and studies show that only children want to compensate with a grip of children. Seth told his mother to get ready because he’s going to pound them out.
25:08 – Myspace has identified and removed more than 90,000 registered sex offenders from its site in the past two years
30:03 – Consumer Reports has compiled a list of activities that Americans engage in that are dangerous. 75% of Americans still use cotton swabs. (Jah used one the other day.) 50% have no carbon monoxide detector. 61% have no bath mat in their shower
33:02 – 18-year-old gay male high school senior in Milwaukee creates a fake Facebook page as a hot teen girl named Emily, and another one named Kayla. He gets 31 dudes to send him photos of their pieces and videos of them JOing – all 15-18-year-olds. Over 300 photos collected. Emily/Kayla get in touch with the dudes and say “you gotta meet my guy friend – you either have to blow him, let him blow you or let him fuck you, or I’m going to put all these photos up everywhere.” He manages to corral 7 of these guys into this powerful plan and they get it on.
41:51 – During the Super Bowl, 80,000 viewers in Tuscon, Arizona were celebrating the late-game TD from Larry Fitzgerald, then their TVs cut to 30 seconds of porn that was telecast across the area – woman unbuttoning a dude’s pants then sticking his dick in her mouth. Comcast Cable is mortified and is offering $10 rebates to anyone who is “impacted” by the experience. The 22-year-old female in the movie’s name is Tristen Kingsley. She’s gaining popularity from this. She works exclusively for Jenna Jameson’s company. She’s from the Bay Area but she moved to SoCal for “porn and a change of pace.”
44:57 – Katie Couric interviewed Lil’ Wayne, who says “I’m a gangsta, Miss Katie.” Two minutes later in the interview they’re bowling together.
57:27 – Guy in Cleveland calls 911 and tells operators there are guys with guns watching him. 911 operator asks to stay on the phone with him, and the guy says he’s OK because he left the house, and the guy proceeds to do a drug deal while he’s on the line with 911 operators. The cops roll up and he has crack in his pockets
1:08 – A coach of a N.H. high school boys and girls swim team has been fired for some inappropriate t-shirts: ONE TREE, ONE TEAM AT A TIME (in reference to a member of the team who had crashed into a tree and went into a temporary coma); and one that read THE MASCOT IS A QUITTER (mocking a player with the last name “Mascot” who had quit the team); and he has now made a t-shirt for the girls team that reads THE WETTER, THE BETTER.
13:53 – California is set to release 57,000 inmates over the next two years because of some possible overcrowding
16:41 – This Wednesday, Koby Teeth will unveil his new line of clothing called TK Steelmen – described as “Country Sexy.” It will launch at his new bar, I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s in Las Vegas. Age demographic is between 25-54. They are covered in oilfield imagery, they contain sleeveless shirts, tight Ts, hoodies, jeans, cowboy hats, baseball hats, bandanas, belts and leather wrist straps. The line will be available at Kohl’s, Target and Wal-Mart. J-Dog wonders if he can wear only clothing made by Koby Teeth and LL Cool J. This devolves into the new name of their podcast, “Straight Talk With TK & Steelmen.”
20:30 – The price of a stamp will be rising from 42 cents to 44 cents on May 11 (Episode 012, 51:41). Seth encourages everyone to just buy $10,000 worth of Forever Stamps
22:48 – There are more reported cases of sexual assaults on the campus of UC-Davis than all other California universities combined. (Jah: “Just so you know Jogger will be playing a show at UC-Davis.”) Representatives from the school say it’s actually a very positive thing because it shows that their students are more willing and more comfortable at reporting crimes when they occur.
24:25 – Recorded message at the Kellogg’s consumer hotline this week: “If you would like to share your comments regarding our relationship with Michael Phelps, please press 1 to speak to a representative. If you’re calling about the recent peanut butter recall, please press 2 now.”
29:51 – In these tough economic times, there are things called “economic parties” or “stimulus parties,” ways of friends gathering “on the cheap.” There are “pink slip parties” where people gather together to commiserate and talk about new ways of finding jobs; and “coupon parties,” people who gather together, share coupons and savings tips with each other
36:15 – Six million people still have rabbit ears on their television in 2009. They have moved up the digital conversion day from this Tuesday because people can’t pull it together. Jah thinks it’s because the government is installing monitoring chips on every TV
39:08 – MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice will be performing together Friday, Feb. 27, 2009 at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah. Seth said he wouldn’t mind going if he hadn’t already seen Hammer and Ice perform in 1990 at the Worcester Centrum.
43:12 – Downtoearth.com is geared to those new to web-based dating services. You get to rate the truthfulness of photos and profiles. These are people who are “real.” Seth wants to know what the “25 Random Things About Me” thing on Facebook is that Jah keeps getting sent from listeners.
45:09 – Board games are also making a huge comeback because they're cheap, easy, safe entertainment. Seth is an only child so he’s never played a board game in his life. Jah can only recommend one: Balderdash.
48:10 – Seth read about people who carpooled to D.C. for inauguration parties and stayed with other people in dorms because hotels were all sold out
56:43 – The Center for Disease Control has issued a study on teen smokers – 52% prefer Marlboros, while 21% prefer Newports. However, 75% of black teens prefer Newports and 13% prefer Camels.
59:48 – Members of PETA dressed up like KKK members and stood outside of Madison Square Garden in New York, the site of the Westminster Dog Show. They held signs and shouted at onlookers that the American Kennel Club is trying to create a “master race of purebred dogs” and that purebred dogs are just “pure bloodlines being manipulated for world domination.”
1:02:56 – Coca-Cola will drop the word “Classic” from its Coke product. Classic was added in 1985 with the introduction of New Coke, which was discontinued in 2004.
0:48 – To celebrate Black History Month, Albright College in Reading, Pa. has put signs over different drinking fountains that read WHITE and COLORED ONLY to signify how far we’ve come, and it’s causing some disruption
2:56 – In these tough economic times, many people are going back to dial-up internet and canceling cable internet and DSL.
3:59 – Seth reads about a woman in the LA Times who bought a digital cable converter box but is having some trouble hooking it up to her 17-inch Toshiba
12:38 – After an 8-year hiatus, the original members of Limp Bizkit are reuniting for a tour and album. Jah does not believe him and thinks Seth is making this up.
14:43 – Jah references the woman who faked her own death and showed up at the funeral (Episode 151, 12:14), which relates to the story he read this week: A man is in jail facing extradition for this crime he had committed, and he explains that they’ve got the wrong guy and they’re mistaking him for his twin brother – the evil one. They show him his birth certificate at the trial, and he then explains that they were Siamese Twins separated at birth.
22:06 – The American Counseling Association claims there is no difference in marriage satisfaction between arranged marriages in India and couples in the U.S. who marry for love after courtship. Seth doesn’t believe that.
23:40 – Troy Brisport of Toledo Ohio was arrested this week. He took a woman against her own will, brought her to his house, handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her and stripped her of all her clothes, put a diaper on her and then read her passages from the Bible for a total of 3 days and tried unsuccessfully to suffocate her with a pillow several times. He later fell asleep and she escaped.
30:56 – Paul Davies, an acclaimed theoretical physicist and cosmologist has been traveling the country and giving lectures about a possible alien shadow life that currently lives among us
38:50 – The Georgia State Capitol is going forward with its Annual PB&J Day on March 4 despite the national recall and scare. A spokeswoman for the Georgia Peanut Production Association says “It’s about 3 hours of the most fun you can have.”
41:50 – There was a very sad passing this week of a man who has brought Seth 20 years of laughter, joy and excitement. It was an 88-year-old nuclear physicist and aerospace engineer by the name of Jack Cover – he invented the taser.
43:46 – Wired magazine had an article about odd animal mating rituals – hippos use their tails to throw their feces all over the place to convey olifactory cues about their capable reproductive help; flatworms, because they are hemaphrodites, engage in a pseudo penis jousting battle to determine the winner, and the winner gets to be the male. (UYD does the same thing before every show, which is why Guy Cunt refused to come film them anymore)
46:56 – New poll says that 1 in 5 teens has sent a nude or partially clothed image of themselves to someone either by e-mail or mobile phone. 50% of 15-19-year-olds have sent sexually suggestive texts, which imply “an expectation to hook up.”
48:00 – Erykah Badu had a child with André 3000 named Seven Sirius. She also had a child with the rapper DOC, named Puma Rose Sabti. She also just had a child with rapper Jay Electronica named Mars Merkaba.
48:38 – Charlie Sheen told Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that he will name one of his twins Bob Ma Sheen.
54:59 – They have found a cure for the common cold, supposedly.
0:41 – A company in Dallas was shot down this week called wifebeaters.com, selling wife beater tanks online. They offered a discount to anyone who could actually prove they had beaten their wife or girlfriend.
5:36 – A woman is suing Yahoo! because she typed her name, Beverly Stayart, into a search engine and when she clicked on one of the pages that came up it was a porn video clip and the other one was an ad for an erectile dysfunction drug.
7:05 – Vivid Video has offered Nadya Suleman (Octomom) $1 million and a year of free health care for her numerous kids for her Vivid celebrity outfit, which has featured Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and Kelli McCarty.
12:31 – The Today show has profiled a new exercise regime called “The Jedi Workout.” You wear full cloak, light saber, and you do a lot of jumping, squatting and mock battling. It gets the heart rate up and you have a total blast at the same time.
14:00 – GenePartner.com – DNA Dating. “Love is no coincidence.” Formula matches men and women by analyzing specific genes in their DNA. It only costs $99. It tests for biological compatibility for the “ultimate result.”
15:52 – Following Myspace’s lead of removing sex offenders from its site, Facebook has done their own internal review and removed 5,585 convicted sex offenders from their active member ranks.
24:33 – A new coffeeshop has opened in Maine called the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop – no cameras, no touching, cash only. Located on the busy Route 3, the shop had 150 applicants. They are open from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. They serve coffee and donuts – nothing else. The first couple days have seen a lot of male customers casually sipping coffee and talking. 43-year-old waitress Kris Kelly said a man left her a $100 bill as a tip. 23-year-old waitress Susie Wiley says “I love it.” They also employ male waiters for good measure.
31:36 – According to the Pugh Research Center, a cross-section of Americans were polled, asking them if they would rather live in a neighborhood with more McDonald’s or more Starbucks. 43% said more McDonald’s, 35% said more Starbucks and 22% didn’t have a preference.
39:21 – Sunday, March 8 is Daylight Savings Time. UYD reminds listeners to check batteries in smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.
40:42 – The tough economic times have led to a lot of “Boomerang Children” who are in their 30s and 40s with spouses and children moving back in with mom and dad.
43:02 – The new RNC chairman Michael Steel, a black man, said the Republican party needs a makeover to let people know they’re hip as well. He said the new campaign was going to be “off the hook.” They want to bring hip-hop to Republican party principles.
44:46 – The mayor of Los Alamitos, Calif., is responding to criticism for an e-mail he sent from his personal account to local politicians and civic leaders and business owners. Dean Grose sent an e-mail that depicts the White House lawn covered with planted watermelons. Under the title it said NO EASTER EGG HUNT THIS YEAR. Grose confirmed the e-mail to the Associated Press but said he didn’t mean to offend anyone, particularly blacks, and was unaware of the stereotype that black people like watermelons.
48:14 – A 15-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl had sex this week in Arkansas, which is a little young (but not for Jah). They did it in front of the 15-year-old’s buddy as he videotaped it, and they’ve been showing it to everyone on their cell phone.
52:14 – 48-year-old Slade Fierro makes his living as a real doll doctor who fixes them up and cleans them.
53:41 – A revolution has hit the cereal aisle. The Kellogg company is announcing a 6-month trial test in Detroit of new cereal boxes that are shorter and deeper than the traditional boxes we are all used to. It is the most significant innovation in cereal boxes since the 1950s. The tall and thin boxes don’t fit well in new kitchen cupboards.
57:35 – Finally getting to the news item he started at the 2:12 mark, Gwyneth Paltrow is responding to some negative backlash to her new lifestyle blog called “Goop.” The slogan is “Nourish the inner aspect.” She said, “I have had a lot of really useful information I was privileged enough to get because I have this amazing, super fortunate life. My friends call me all the time to say ‘Where should I go? What should I do?’”
1:02:30 – Seth talks about a dude who was on Oprah who claimed he was at a concentration camp in the Holocaust who was kept alive by a girl who brought him an apple and ended up going on a date with her 30 years later, wrote a book about the account and then it turned out he was lying the whole time.
5:01 – Jah says this show is dedicated to Scarlett Pomers, who once played the youngest daughter on Reba, but they know her from the show America’s Most Talented Kid, because she was a kid judge on it along with Bobby J. Thompson and Daryl Sabara. Pomers took a leave of absence from the WB Network series to check into a clinic for anorexia.
8:06 – Postage stamps go up on Sunday to 39 cents (Episode 012, 51:41).
8:35 – Country artist Chris Cagle had a kid with his Hooters girlfriend, then quit drinking and realized it wasn’t his kid.
14:01 – A 14-year-old kid got one of those cams for his computer and all of a sudden a man offers him $50 and a Paypal account for him to take his shirt off for 3 minutes. Four years later he’s $400,000 in because he’s fully wacking off with his mom in the other room. He has 1,500 dudes around the country paying him, one of whom has paid to put him up in a condo, where he spends the whole day doing dudes for money. An undercover New York Times reporter paid to fly him out to Vegas to “fuck” him, then confronted him about it.
15:48 – President Bush’s New Year’s resolution: “To work tirelessly toward peace and prosperity.”
22:06 – Seth talks about the Fiesta Bowl dilemma of 2006 (Notre Dame vs. Ohio State), during which Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn’s sister (who was engaged to Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk) was wearing a split jersey with half Notre Dame colors and half Ohio State colors
24:10 – Spain doesn’t allow any more indoor smoking. Greece smokes more than any other European country.
24:41 – Hurricane Katrina has displaced 2,000 sex offenders from Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi.
30:52 – Baby Boomers are buying Honda Elements and Toyota Scions, which Jonathan finds absolutely inexcusable. He test drove a Scion and was sucked in by the DJ-like culture they had when they first came out.
31:32 – Former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett was arrested for robbing two people at gunpoint in an alley in Columbus, Ohio.
32:18 – Molly Weeks has invented a mixture of ballet, Pilates and yoga for the core called “Ballecore”
32:57 – CVC Fantasy Baseball is suing MLB because MLB is claiming they own the intellectual rights to statistics. CVC is arguing that they are historical and public record once the games are over.
34:28 – Thousands of inmates in Kenya skipped lunch to send food to countrymen affected by drought. Most of Kenya’s 50,000 prisoners gave up their rations of beans and corn porridge on the day that their president declared a natural disaster and said about 2.5 million Kenyans would need famine relief in the next 6 months.
35:39 – FDA requires foods to list their trans fats on their food labels starting in 2006.
36:15 – Patrick Swayze has been experimenting with rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.
39:55 – The city of Los Angeles spent more than $88,000 on bottled water for themselves, despite pleading with the residents that the water is OK to drink.
49:01 – Jah reads off some headlines from papers on Jan. 4, 2006 that reported that the 12 miners who died in the Sago, W.V., mine accident were really alive. It was blamed on someone who was in the mine who claimed they were alive, then it got passed on to some woman at the top who relayed it to Anderson Cooper.
51:58 – NFL has canceled Levitra as a sponsor
54:10 – A Frontier Airlines passenger in San Jose who had a notebook with the words SUICIDE BOMBER on it was taken into custody on Wednesday and questioned for several hours before being released to his family.
1:00:14 – A roof in Germany was covered in too much snow and collapsed and killed 15 people.
1:00:57 – Former boxing champion Tommy Hearns was accused of striking his 13-year-old son during an argument
1:01:58 – Father and stepmother left their 5- and 9-year-old boys home alone and went to Las Vegas to have a throwdown party on New Year’s Eve. The 5-year-old was autistic and could be heard by neighbors yelling “Help me!”
1:08:30 – A 41-year-old teacher at the Buttonwillow School in California had sex with a 12-year-old
1:13:53 – Female passengers in Tokyo have requested to have separate subway cars because of the presence of chikan, as the molestors are known in Japan. In America it’s called frottage (Episode 113, 24:42).
1:15:17 – In a jealous rage, Marlon Brando Gill demanded to see his ex-girlfriend’s cell phone, and when she resisted he went berserk in a car in a Missouri parking lot. He used his hands to force open her mouth and jammed the Motorola cell phone down her throat (Episode 003, 6:58). Doctors performed a tracheotomy to save her life. Gill claimed she tried to swallow it on her own.
1:24:40 – A couple is on their honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean cruise, and blood stains are found on the balcony of their cabin all the way to the lifeboats. The wife woke up shitrocked at 4 a.m. on the other end of the boat. They put her in a wheelchair, which is protocol, and the husband is missing.
3:46 – The Iranian president claims there was no Holocaust, Israel should be wiped off the map and in a UN summit in 2005, came back to Iran and told his aides that during 28 minutes of the summit a glow of light surrounded him and all the world’s leaders did not blink. Right after that he went golfing with Kim Jong Il and had nine hole-in-ones.
5:34 – Luther from 2 Live Crew is suing 50 Cent over “In Da Club”
6:43 – The Winchester Gun Factory in Connecticut is slated to shut down. The company has been hurt by slumping firearm sales. About 19,000 people worked in the plant during World War II, and now there are less than 200.
7:49 – February 1, German police officers have been banned from sporting ponytails, stubbly beards and earrings in order to tidy up their appearance for the World Cup this summer. Seth thinks you can’t say “German police” without saying “beards or ponytails.”
8:37 – Vermont judge gives man 60 days in jail for cursing at her – the same sentence a rapist in Vermont got last week for raping a girl from the time she was 6 to age 10.
9:27 – A boy who asked to be set on fire has been hospitalized. A 13-year-old from Orange was hospitalized and his 15-year-old friend was arrested on suspicion of assault after the older teen complied with the friend’s request to be set on fire. The incident occurred about 8:30 a.m. Saturday at the victim’s home on Bourbon St. Witnesses say the 13-year-old doused his shirt with cologne and asked his friend to squirt him with lighter fluid and ignite the shirt. The boy was reported critical but stable condition at UCI.
10:40 – A 23-year-old kindergarten teacher at Westwood Charter Elementary School was stabbed to death Wednesday morning shortly after she called police to say her former boyfriend was at the door of the West Chester home she shared with her parents. Before she hung up she told police that her 24-year-old boyfriend was breaking in and she was going to hide. He came in, armed himself with a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her. Afterward he went outside, doused himself in a flammable liquid and lit himself on fire in his car. The girl had found out he had a girlfriend on the side, the 2 girls found out he was lying to both of them and they agreed to not see him again, so this was his retribution.
13:17 – Conan O’Brien looks like Finland’s first female president. His show and the president figured this out, and she mentioned it in one of her campaign ads because of his popularity over there.
14:07 – William Shatner sold his kidney stone for $20,000, and donated the money to Habitat for Humanity.
14:54 – Terry O’Neal, Steelers fan, had a heart attack when Jerome Bettis fumbled the ball in the Colts game. When he came out of the heart attack, the first thing out of his mouth was “Did we win?”
15:59 – A face transplant patient, the world’s first successful one (in France), has resumed smoking. Her face was missing because a dog ate off her face. She was unable to speak or eat. The doctors said it could interfere with her healing and raise the risk of tissue rejection. The French woman’s surgeons made their first scientific presentation on the partial face transplant, performed on Nov. 27 at a medical conference in Tuscon.
20:28 – The apparent suicide of a 38-year-old Japanese venture capitalist has added a sinister aura to the investigation into the dealings of the Takafumi Hori. The brash internet entrepreneur at the center of the drama has roiled stock markets. The body of Hideki Naguchi, a former executive with Hori’s multi-billion dollar live door company online media services empire was discovered Wednesday night at a business hotel in Okinawa. Sources say he slashed his wrists.
21:30 – A mechanic was sucked into a jet engine and killed while passengers were boarding a plane, officials in El Paso said. The National Safety Transporation Board spokesman said she didn’t know if anyone saw the accident, which occurred on a Boeing 757 operated by Continental. Because of an earlier problem with the engine, its metal covering was opening at the time. 114 passengers and 5 crew members were boarding at the time.
22:10 – JT LeRoy, a 25-year-old transsexual novelist whose mother pimped him as a cross-dressed child prostitute and got his first book deal at 17, does not exist. It was really Laura Albert, 40-year-old writer, mom and former phone sex technician
28:17 – 2 million gallons of untreated sewage spewed out of manhole covers in some residential pipes Sunday in Manhattan Beach. Dried bits of toilet paper and black scum, a plume of foul debris smelling like rudebaga appeared on the streets.
30:00 – A woman was accused of poisoning her husband and son by lacing their milkshakes with prescription drugs.
30:41 – In Japan, scientists have put a hamster in a cage with a snake for food, but the snake decided not to eat it. Instead they’re living together and fucking. The hamster lays on the snake and sleeps.
31:48 – A fan of the Cleveland Browns during a regular season game ran out on the field and got bodyslammed by Steelers linebacker Joey Porter. The judge could’ve jailed him for up to 30 days but only jailed him for 3 days – Feb. 3-5, with the Super Bowl being on the 5th. He’s not allowed to watch it, listen to it, etc.
1:16 – Google’s original name was Backrub. Just as UYD has changed names (previously Jesus & John), other great institutions have done the same
7:15 – A new study says that people who drink more than 7 cups of coffee a day are more likely to see ghosts. Jah thinks he might drink the equivalency of that each day, and he’s maybe seen a few ghosts.
7:59 – An administrative assistant at a church rectory in Arlington, Wash., was charged with stealing $73,000 from the church. When asked about this, she said Satan had a big part in the theft.
9:26 – Red states buy and view more online pornography than blue states do. Eight of the top 10 states that buy and view more online porn all voted for John McCain for president. Utah is #1 for their porn consumption and 60% of the state is allegedly devout Mormon.
11:12 – Earth Class Mail is a new all-digital mail service. You pick a PO Box wherever, pay a monthly fee, and this company will open all of your mail, scan and upload all of them to a computer. The client can then check their mail and click on boxes and tell the company, shred this one, recycle this one, forward this one to me in person, etc. Packages can be sent to the person’s home or PO Box or picked up at the nearest Earth Class Mail center. It starts at $11.95 a month for 50 pages of mail. Seth is uneasy about this, he doesn’t want somebody reading his love letters.
19:53 – Monsters and Aliens is a 3D movie coming out this week. Nine more movies are coming out this year. Jah doesn’t care about the 3D movies unless they make them where you don’t have to wear the goofy 3D glasses to view the movie.
21:24 – Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16), a no-frills airline, will charge you an extra fee unless you buy your ticket in person at a Spirit Airline counter at the airport.
26:03 – In Staten Island, the Community Education Council Member Salvatore Ballarino, is in hot water over an e-mail he sent to members of the council. It contained images of Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, and said, Q: Why are these two guys always smiling? A: Because they don’t know they’re black. To this he responded, “If they’re upset about something, it’s their own inner-workings. I have black people who are my friends. I have black people who sit at dinner tables with me.”
29:38 – First-year Girl Scout Wild Freeborn, 8 years old, set out to sell 12,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies so she could take her entire troup to a summer camp. She enlisted the help of her father, a web designer, and made a YouTube video of her doing a pitch, put an online order form up and got a gang of requests for cookies. A local father, a former Scout dad, alerted the troup and said it was an unfair advantage, so the troup made her take it down. Seth notes that one of the Girl Scout merit badges requires a girl to visit three websites.
37:01 – Porn.com is the second-most expensive .com name, at $9.5 million. The number one, for $9.9, is www.fund.com - mutual funds and investment portfolios. Others in the top 10: 10) Cameras.com, 9) Datarecovery.com, 8) Seniors.com, 7) Computers.com, 6) Creditcards.com, 5) Vodka.com, 4) Toys.com, 3) Diamonds.com.
40:30 – Chicago police said the 14-year-old boy who posed as a police officer in January actually did spend 2 hours behind the wheel of the squad car. Previously they had said he hadn’t driven. (Episode 152, 7:43). He also entered the police station through an unlocked back door. They admitted that in his 5 hours in uniform, he used the terminal dispatch in the patrol car, he responded to five different assignments and helped in the arrest of a suspect who violated a protection order.
42:35 – Apple released 3.0 software for its iPhone which will let you copy and paste, send and receive MMS and turn the phone sideways to view the landscape.
44:22 – Neighbors of Bob Dylan, who has a sprawling ocean-view estate in Point Dume Malibu, have contended that the nighttime sea breezes have sent an obnoxious odor across all of their properties, which has stemmed from a portable toilet that sits on Dylan’s property. For more than six months Dylan has ignored all the complaints of his neighbors to remove the outhouse. It has sickened family members and forced some to install industrial fans to block the odor.
45:30 – According to the website OddJobNation.com, there was a job called “Balloon Popper” that pays $50 per hour. There are a large group of people with the sexual fetish of watching videos of fully-clothed men popping balloons by sitting on them.
46:44 – Three different companies currently available and in business online called Death Switch, Slightly Morbid and Legacy Locker – created for gamers in the unlikely event that they pass away. You pay a monthly fee, and if you die, they will contact all your fellow gamers and notify administrators to let them know that you’ve died and not just quit the game.
51:33 – Smith & Wesson gun company is recalling a couple guns they sold from 2002-2009. Apparently the affected pistols were discovered to discharge ammunition without the trigger being pulled.
52:39 – 42-year-old Daniel Doster was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., masturbating at his mailbox on his front lawn. When arrested he said he was “letting my neighbors know who’s boss.”
0:40 – In anticipation of the new Star Trek movie coming out May 8, there are Star Trek photo booths, theme night dance parties where Orion girls will dress up in green bikinis, etc.
4:56 – Some more interesting college courses are available: At UC-Berkeley, you can take a class where you argue the logic of Judge Judy; at Wisconsin, they have “Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles”, dissecting soap operas; at UC-Irvine, “The Science of Superheroes”; at Columbia College in Chicago, “Zombies In Popular Media;” and at Center College in Kentucky, “Myth and Science Fiction,” where they analyze Star Wars, Matrix and Lord of the Rings
7:01 – Brad and Angelina might adopt a child from India. They already have 6 kids – Maddox from Cambodia, Zahara from Vietnam, Shiloh from Namibia, Pax from Vietnam, and 9-month twins born in France, Knox and Vivienne.
9:16 – A judge in Illinois has ruled that it is OK and protected under our free speech laws for a 58-year-old man to go up to parents and kids in local parks outside of Chicago and ask if he can tickle their children. Charles Douglas loves to do his “tickle monster” routine, and now he has precedent to do it full-bore.
11:44 – An 88-year-old man lost control of his luxury Jaguar sedan on Sunday afternoon in Redondo Beach, Calif., and drove it through a crowded restaurant. There were bodies strewn about the room, and it left the man shocked and confused. Police did not cite the man.
14:08 – The average age of Facebook users is slowly rising. Women over 55 are the fastest-growing demographic, and over the past two months members over the age of 35 has doubled.
19:05 – Two new talk shows are coming out: The George Lopez Show on TBS and The Wanda Sykes Show on FOX.
21:59 – An elementary school in L.A. took a field trip to the Port of Long Beach where they chartered a boat for the 20 kids to go on their first fishing trip. One of the crew members, 54-year-old Jeff Twattle, was trying to make the students laugh by putting his bait fish in his mouth. He accidentally swallowed the fish and choked to death in front of them.
23:23 – Question posed on the physicscentral.org website, “How long would you have to yell at a cup of coffee to heat it up?” Jah guesses 20 minutes, but it would take a year and a half.
29:26 – According to market research group Experion, 43% of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss. 38% are using hair styling products. 12% use adult cosmetics.
34:26 – New Line Cinema is going to make an NWA video called Straight Outta Compton, produced by Ice Cube and Dr. Dre.
35:40 – Seth talks about Michael Jackson and his kids. In 1997 he married Deborah Rowe, and they had two kids: Michael Jackson Jr. (Prince), 12, and Paris Michael Catherine Jackson, 11. They divorced a couple years later and she gave him custody of the kids. In 2002, he had Prince Michael Jackson II (Blanket), born to a surrogate mom through artificial insemination using Jacko’s sperm. The identity of the mother has never been detailed.
40:00 – Jay Leno is doing two free shows outside of Detroit for the homeless and jobless.
41:33 – US Conference of Catholic Bishops has warned Roman Catholics to shun the Eastern healing art of reiki because it lacks scientific credibility and is especially dangerous because the theory of rebalancing a universal life energy operates in the realm of superstition, and any and all healing should be given by the divine power of prayer to Christ the Lord and Savior.
43:24 – There’s been a rash of bitings at high schools across the country because of the enormous success of the movie Twilight.
44:52 – Nearly 10,000 O’Neill children’s sweatshirts made in China have been recalled because the drawstrings have the tendency to tighten up and strangle children
47:02 – There was a Save Darfur benefit concert last week in Atlanta. Tickets were $35. The band? Collective Soul.
49:30 – Veterans Affair spokesperson Katie Roberts announced this week that VA hospitals across the country might have exposed veterans to several infectious diseases by government clinics that performed colonoscopies with equipment that wasn’t properly sterilized.
50:14 – Lindsey Lohan has a line of self tanner called Sevin Nyne Tanning Mist that comes out Wednesday, April 15. It’s a play on her favorite numbers.
51:00 – CBS Morning Show had a boy named Liam Hoekstra, 3, from Michigan. “Super Kid.” He has a rare condition called Myostatin-Related Muscle Hypertrophy which gives him extreme muscularity. He’s ripped.
52:22 – April 15 is the 17th birthday of Richard Sandrak, Little Hercules
0:38 – A federal judge has ordered the USDA to allow 17-year-olds to buy the emergency contraceptive pill, Plan B, aka the “Morning-After Pill.”
1:12 – Steven Talliver, the 49-year-old homeless man who forced his way into Jamie Foxx’s hotel room in Philadelphia, has been declared incompetent to stand trial after being deemed by a psychiatrist to be “actively psychotic.”
2:47 – The Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles turned down a request from a 36-year-old vegan mother to display her total love of all things tofu on her new license plate. Kelly Kaufmann-Lee submitted the license plate ILVTOFU, but the plate request was denied in fear that the letters will be misconstrued to “I Love To F U.”
7:11 – In a Gallup poll, 76% of respondents say they still bend down to pick a penny up off the sidewalk if they see it. Jah says you should only pick up coins that are head’s-up
8:52 – PETA has sent a letter to the musical group, The Pet Shop Boys, asking them to change their name to The Rescue Shelter Boys, in hopes of discouraging people from getting their pets from pet stores.
14:57 – According to TotalBeauty.com, the top 5 cities with the worst hair in the country are: 5) Phoenix, Ariz., 4) Las Vegas, Nev., 3) Pittsburgh, Pa., 2) Olympia, Wash., and 1) Corpus Christi, TX.
17:38 – The U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention tested several different powdered baby formulas on the market and found that they contain trace amounts of a toxic chemical found in rocket fuel.
20:29 – According to a recent study, 44% of teenage boys have seen at least one nude photo of a female classmate, either on a social networking site or on their cell phone
35:43 – The May/June 2009 issue of Where To Retire magazine says that retiring in North Carolina is the way to go
41:41 – Two restaurants in New York have come under fire from community activists for their name. One place in Brooklyn is called Obama Fried Chicken and another place in Harlem is called Obama Fried Chicken and Pizza
46:48 – A paper in the American Journal of Human Genetics says researchers at the University of Iowa may have developed a birth control pill for men. The pill would slow down male sperm to a rate that would not allow it to forcefully penetrate an egg
58:35 – According to CareerBuilder.com, 1 in 5 workers are late to work at least once a week. Several hiring managers offered some excuses they’ve heard at the workplace: My heat was shut off so I had to stay home and keep my snake warm; my husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before I go to work every day; I was locked in my trunk by my son; I always just feel like I’m in everyone’s way when I show up on time; my left turn signal is broken so I had to make right turns to get to work; my driveway washed away in the rain; I walked into a spiderweb and I couldn’t find the spider so I had to walk back in and shower.
1:00:37 – More details about the National Science Foundation’s pornography problem have come out. Several high-ranking employees at the agency were found to be spending up to 20% of their workdays looking at porn. One of the officials had spent over $40,000 on a credit card on pornography. He also sent an e-mail that said, I am trying to learn how to use the cam-to-cam capability on your Asianbabes.com site. I don’t seem to be able to do that.
3:22 – Carlie Christine, 20, was fired as cheerleading coach in at Casa Robles HS in Orangevale, Calif., after cheerleaders who had been cut from the team due to many unexcused absences alerted the school and the principal that Carlie had posed nude for Playboy.com and was featured as their “Cyber Girl of the Week” during the second week of February.
8:18 – Two 11-year-old fifth-grade boys were taken into custody in Salt Lake City. They typed the word “Lesbian” into a search engine at the school library and were able to pull up pictures that somehow were not blocked by the school’s internet filter. They showed the photos to nine other boys and they have been charged with dealing material harmful to a minor.
14:18 – According to a new public health study, 8,550 American preschoolers (20% of 4-year-olds) were classified as obese
16:07 – The California Franchise Tax Board claims that Sinbad, listed as Sinbad Adkins of Oak Park, Ill., owes the state $2.5 million in taxes dating back to 2001.
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
44:30 – This e-mail was accidentally sent out to 28,000 students who were not accepted to UCSD: We’re thrilled you’ve been admitted to UC-San Diego and we’re showcasing our beautiful campus on Admit Day.
48:22 – In these tough economic times, the beginning of 2009 has seen an increase in both condoms and female contraceptives because people are staying at home and boning down.
49:52 – At Univ-Con, a paranormal conference that happens every year, Christopher Moon, the senior editor of a magazine called Haunted Times, was conducting at $90 apiece, telephone conversations to the dead. Frank’s Box, named after its inventor Frank Sumption, “consists of a random voltage generator which is used to tune an AM receiver. The AM receiver module gives off the raw audio and it is amplified and fed into an echo chamber, where ‘spirits’ manipulate it to form their voices. A spirit technician is then employed to decipher the various noises and fragments that are barely coherent and audible. He/she decodes this and speaks the words of the dead person you’ve contacted.”
0:35 – Econocide is the term for suicide due to people being deeply affected by the tough economic times
6:59 – Gospel mime is red hot. It’s taking traditional mime and traditional gospel and fusing them together to create a new genre of religious experience.
13:49 – A design team from NC State University has spent 3 years up till now designing a hospital gown that would not leave the buttocks exposed. They hope to have the product available to market in about 2 years.
14:37 – R&D Kitchen – Houston’s lab restaurants. They use a note system where it’s team waiting – everyone is your waiter. They write down the last thing they’ve done and the other waiters update it. There are communal bathrooms with 12 sinks at jaunty angles and 12 stalls. Jah went in at the same time as a girl and they were looking at each other as they washed off.
23:38 – Prince is putting out a coffee table book called “21 Nights: The Prince Opus.” There are only 950 available. The limited edition book is 280 pages of lyrics, poetry and photographs printed on superior silk-grade paper. It’s leather bound in a purple velvet box and will sell for just under $2,500. It comes with an engraved iPod with his live album Indigo on it, a 40-minute documentary. One lucky buyer will win a ticket to California for a free private show.
30:31 – A new report just published in the American Journal of Sports Medicine says that break dancers suffer a high rate of injury and may fail to give themselves proper time to heal before dancing again.
32:17 – A 17-year-old in Pennsylvania is accused of pulling out his junk in the middle of high school English class and animatedly masturbating while calling out the names of the students in class.
37:04 – Agents this week raided several locations in two different counties of a Neo-Nazi organization called “The Inland Empire Skinheads.” They’re a new and violent domestic terrorist group that recruits and teens and adults on Craig’s List. Seven people were arrested. Guns and drugs were also seized. Officers found a maternity ward in one of the facilities where pregnant women were supposed to give birth on Hitler’s birthday (April 20). Two of them did.
50:37 – Ashton Kutcher (the guy from the Nikon Coolpix commercials) became the first person to amass 1 million followers on Twitter last week
1:00:20 – Remo Spencer stole 8 laptops and 7 iPods from a Wal-Mart he worked at in Great Falls, Montana, then posted the items for sale on the employee bulletin board in the store breakroom.
1:57 – According to the National Catholic Reporter, the founder of a religious order that treats Roman Catholic priests who molest children concluded in the 1950s that the sex offenders were highly unlikely to change, and should not be returned to any ministry. The Rev. Gerald Fitzgerald, founder of the Servants of the Paracles, was so sure of the priests’ inability to control themselves that he tried to buy an island and isolate them from any children.
3:12 – William Fell, 61, worked for the Alexandria Department of Transportation for 17 years. According to police, Fell spent the last year going to work at 3 a.m., well before his shift began, emptying all the coin canisters from the parking meters all over the city. He would fill up personal bags with nickels, dimes and quarters and at his house he had roughly $177,000 stashed.
8:23 – Lilith Fair is coming back in 2010.
9:57 – Article in Newsweek tells of two unmarried single parents who met on Second Life. They’re basically married to each other even though they’re geographically separated. They wear headphones to bed so they can hear each other breathing through Skype.
19:02 – Tupac Shakur was seen at a bar in New Orleans drinking. TMZ has photos of it.
20:51 – Overland Park, Kan. – doorbell rings, Kim Mertin opens the door and there’s a U.S. Census worker on her porch with a clipboard. He asks how many people live there, he comments on her blouse, and asks her if she wants a backrub. He asks her if she was wearing pink panties, and she calls the police and tells them he was playing with himself while standing on the porch. It turns out he really was a census worker.
22:15 – Creed is getting back together. Jah recalls Scott Stapp getting involved with a prostitute scandal with Kid Rock (Episode 003, 44:37). Stapp calls the reunion a “rebirth.” Jah says he’ll go to it.
25:06 – Desperate for new revenue streams, auctioneers in several states have begun auctioning off grocery store items, unloading either too-dented or too-close-to-their-expiration-date foods to be sold in stores.
27:44 – A study presented at the annual meeting of experimental biology last week in New Orleans done by researchers at Baylor College of Medicine took 108 students ages 13-16. They gave half the students sugar-free gum to chew, and the other half no gum. The students who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math scores. They also seemed to require fewer breaks, could sustain attention longer and remained quieter. The study was sponsored and paid for by the Wrigley Science Institute.
29:08 – 155,000 Philips Senseo Coffeemakers, made in China and sold nationwide, have been recalled because they have faulty electrical systems and they cause a calcium buildup from the water and burst open and splash hot coffee in your face.
30:31 – This Tuesday, make it a girls’ night in with Bride Wars.
30:53 – Seth has an obituary for Chuck Dimmick, 50, of Arizona. He was the director of marketing for Lund Cadillac Group. He passed away suddenly while attending a NASCAR race to watch his favorite driver, Jeff Gordon. In the obit: “We are sure he would still want you to know that 0.9% financing is still available on all new 2008 Hummer H2s.”
31:45 – Another interesting obit: Jack Lorkie, 85, just passed away. He went to WW2 at age 19. On four different occasions, soldiers died on both sides of him. When he got discharged they called him “Lucky.” He was waiting to get on the military plane to come back to the U.S., gets bumped off for a senior military official and then the plane crashes and kills everyone on board. He goes to a minor league baseball team, they’re on the road eating lunch and he gets a call saying he got called up and needs to catch a ride back to Spokane, Wash., for the game. He says goodbye to the team, hitchhikes and takes a bus there, then the bus crashes and kills everyone after he gets off.
33:52 – The guy who designed the Twitter bird logo got paid $6. It was chosen using a term Wired magazine called “crowdsourcing,” a casting call for graphic designers to create a logo. The woman who designed the Nike swoosh got paid $35.
35:06 – The Department of Transportation in Delaware is under fire for a diversity spotlight newsletter they let out to 2,600 workers. A section was called “The N-Word” but spelled it out and said it was never good to use the word. In another section titled “Comments You Would Never Want to Make to a Co-Worker,” in reference to LGBTs it said, “Hey, (homophobic slur), have you ever thought about getting help?” To Asian co-workers, “You must be the new I.T. guy.” To other African American co-workers, “Should we order fried chicken and watermelon for you?” To elderly co-workers, “You know Wal-mart is hiring.” To Hispanic and Latino co-workers, “Could you help me with my landscaping?” A spokesman for the DDOT said, “Is it in-your-face? Absolutely. It’s bold. Yeah it is.”
39:45 – There was a recall of HydroxyCut
40:25 – Ed Hardy has released a line of wine. Jah says he’s released a line of life. He has teamed up with a dentist to do toothbrushes, dental floss and mouthwash.
41:56 – The American Association of Wine Economists held a blind taste test with 18 volunteers. Five foods were sampled – duck liver mousse, pork liver paté, pureed liverwurst, Spam and Newman’s Own Dog Food. Only 3 people identified the dog food. Four people thought the Spam was dog food.
43:29 – Environmental Protection Agency, with the help from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), held the first National Bed Bug Summit to address the alarming increase of bed bug infestation. Entymologists from the University of Kentucky said, “In my opinion, we’re not going to get out of this thing until we allow the pest control industry to go to war.”
45:01 – A school bus driver in Charleston, W.V., is in trouble for allowing a man to board the bus in the parking lot of the school and hit a 14-year-old who was on it. 25-year-old Joshua Sean Beaver claims that a group of students were flashing him the middle finger in traffic in a residential area. He followed them 15 minutes, gets on the bus, points at one student, walks to the back, knocking kids out of the way, hits the kid in the back of the head and says “Remember my name now. It’s Josh Beaver.”
46:48 – Now that John Madden retired, what is Frank Caliendo going to do?
47:42 – A woman named Lorane Wasserman owns a fragrance business in Torrance called Escential Resources. She provides scents for companies and attractions, such as Fear Fest, The Halls of Terror, and Extreme Fear Haunted Attractions. Some of her signature perfectly recreated scents are Raw Sewage, Stinky Cheese, Decay, Compost, Dead Rat. Her quote: “It may smell ugly, but the sweet smell of money is what counts.”
49:02 – A telephone survey conducted by the Opinion Research Group had a breakdown of responses to the question, “If your house were burning down, and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?” 50% said photo album, 20% said money, 13% said laptops, 7% said pets, 2% said jewelry. Jah thinks the answers are bogus and wants the Wrigley Science Institute to redo the survey.
2:57 – The Washington Capitals hockey team keep a section on their website where they profile the Ice Girls cheerleaders. Sarah went to George Mason, her hobbies are spending time with family and friends, her favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean and her favorite book is Facebook.
3:51 – Seth asks Jonathan to explain to him the Coneheads. Seth says if he had to make a short list of people he finds unbearably not funny, Dan Aykroyd would make that list. Another actor who would make that list is Chevy Chase.
7:37 – According to the Journal of Animal Behavior, male monarch butterflies are such calculating inseminators that they can decide the optimal level of sperm necessary for a reproductive advantage. While injecting the fluid, the butterfly penis also acts as a kind of dipstick, checking the quantity of residual sperm already present from previous male suitors, and thus can always inject more sperm than the previous butterfly did.
9:33 – Chuck Trainer was married to Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat fame from 1971-1974, then he married Marilyn Chambers of Behind the Green Door from 1975-1985.
26:01 – The Mad Pride Movement is referenced in Newsweek – a grassroots collective of people who have been diagnosed with some sort of mental health instability, but look at the extreme mental states as “dangerous gifts” and make the conscious decision to avoid taking any medications. Seth cautions everyone to stay out of Toronto July 13-19 because it’s Mad Pride Week.
29:50 – Two dances have recently come out of Dallas, Texas – The Ricky Bobby and The Stanky Leg.
33:10 – The Better Business Bureau is warning Americans to not buy magazine subscriptions from door-to-door salesmen this summer
35:33 – Nicolas Cage likes to buy a lot of property. In 2005 he sold a house in Malibu for $10 million. He sold a waterfront home in Newport Beach, Calif., last year for $30 million. He just sold a 28-room castle in Germany last month for $2.5 million. He’s selling a private island in the Bahamas he owns for $7 million. He bought an enormous country manor overlooking the ocean in Rhode Island a couple years ago for $17 million. He has a home in a gated community in Las Vegas he’s selling. He has a tudor mansion in Bel-Air he put on the market for $30 million and he brought it down to $20 million to get rid of it. He has 2 houses in New Orleans; one is Anne Rice’s house, the most haunted house in New Orleans ($3.5 million), and he has another house in New Orleans he’s selling for $3.5 million. He still owns a home in the Bahamas, a house in San Francisco, a 4-story townhouse in Bath, England, an 18th century castle in Somerset, England, a beachfront home in Hawaii, a castle in Scotland, two apartments on Fifth Avenue in New York City and he owns a loft at the Biscuit in downtown L.A.
38:17 – Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People broke down entertainers, thinkers, etc. They brought in Ashton Kutcher to write about another celeb: “Years from now, when historians reflect on the time we are currently living in, the names Biz Stone and Evan Williams (the founders of Twitter) will be referenced side-by-side with the likes of Samuel Morse, Alexander Graham Bell, Guglielmo Marconi, Philo Farnsworth, and Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, because the creation of Twitter is as significant as the invention of all of those things.”
42:52 – Brenda Bailey, 59, of Charleston, W.V., has won the West Virginia Lottery Instant Game five times since last September. In September 2008 she won $10,000, in January 2009 she won $6,000, in March 2009 she won $1,000, in April 2009 she won $50,000, in May 2009 she just won her biggest, $100,000.
43:58 – Jah bring up the police-impersonating guy (Episode 152, 7:43) from Chicago, and gives a little update on the 15-year-old kid: his latest escapade involved throwing a suit on, going to a car dealership in Chicago and talked to the dealer about buying a used car with cash for around $3,000. The guy showed him a 1990 Lexus, and the 15-year-old drove off with the car. Three hours later he cuts off an undercover cop, who was one of the cops who had to testify months ago why the kid was dressed up like a cop. It turned into a foot chase, and at one point a woman had her baby stroller stolen by this kid who was walking down the street pretending to be a dad and telling police “he went that way.” The kid was eventually tackled and arrested, and they couldn’t believe it was this kid.
47:02 – Sugar Ray is reuniting, and they have a new album coming out called Music for Cougars. It releases July 21, plus a summer tour.
51:04 – The University of Wisconsin – Madison will offer “therapy dogs” on campus for stressed-out students on finals week.
54:07 – According to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), there has been a high-tech shift in American culture. Accelerated by the current economic downturn, the number of U.S. households opting for only cell phones has for the first time surpassed those who just have traditional landlines. Jah wonders why the CDC is conducting this study.
54:59 – PETA is upset with Google for using a herd of goats to “mow” its lawn instead of lawnmowers at its Mountain View, Calif. headquarters. Google wanted to be green and take a low-carbon interesting approach to lawn care, but PETA is concerned the goats did not have enough water or shelter or could be upset during their transportation.
2:20 – A rent party is where people who are having trouble coming up with their rent host a party where they charge people a few bucks to come in.
3:10 – NASA is having to deal with Chinese space junk from space missions launched by the country in 2007. Pieces of debris have been going by Space Shuttle Atlantis.
5:18 – The next step in the ever-evolving work-life culture balance is work time with leisure type hybrided into it. “Weisure” allows people to dip in and go back out of their work lives.
6:59 – T-Pain and his wife Amber just had a baby boy to be named later. His older siblings are named Musiq and Lyriq.
7:38 – Top baby names from 2008 just released by the Social Security Administration. After a 12-year reign as the most popular girls’ baby name, Emily has slipped to third and has been usurped by Emma. For the 10th year in a row, the top boys’ name is Jacob. “Obama” jumped from 12,535 to 2,409. For girls, “Khloe” jumped from 665 to 196, probably because of Khloe Kardashian. For boys, “Jacoby” went from 623 to 423, probably because of Boston Red Sox player Jacoby Ellsbury. Some other top names for boys: 70) Brody, 98) Colton, 128) Seth, 200) Johnathan … Camden, Mateo make the list, as well as 297) Amir, 375) Larry … Phoenix, Titus make the list, as well as 500) Cale, 563) Boston, 707) Freddie, 713) Elvis, 714) Ace, 801) Bruno, 861) Blaze, 926) Trip, 951) Chazz, 990 Cortez. … Some names on the girls’ list: 116) Rylee, 209) Delancey, 321) Teegan, 449) Diamond, 478) Perla, 503) America, 512) Justice, 594) Journey, 621) Liberty, 665) Finley, 666) Kinley, 700) Aspen, 713) Judith, 755) Armani, 771) Patience, 791) Precious, 846) Ryann, 893) Deja, 929) Princess, 964) Dixie.
13:25 – A human rights organization based in New York has demanded that the sale of a Japanese video game be banned from purchasing by Amazon or through direct purchase. The theme of the game contains, Roricon, or Lolita complex. In the game, players rape young girls and force them to get abortions.
31:28 – 35,000 Wagner paint sprayers manufactured in China sold for $99 at major chain, home and hardware stores across the country, have been recalled because the On/Off switch can fall off and exposes the internal connections and can cause a very high risk of shock.
40:42 – The National Institute of Health have given $400,000 in taxpayer money in the form of a grant to the New York Psychiatric Institute, who are to conduct a 2-year study in which researchers will pose as homosexuals and cruise six popular gay bars in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. They hope their findings will be applicable to the United States.
54:42 – Ben Harper and David Arquette have a new clothing line called Propr. It includes a short-sleeved plaid button-down for $158 and chino shorts for $135.
58:31 – A headline from an edition of The Washington Post dated Sept. 1, 1926, “The Ku Klux Klan will play the local Hebrew All-Star Nines and provide local sandlot baseball fans with action this Labor Day, when they clash on the Arlington Horse Show Grounds diamond at 3 o’clock.”
1:04:51 – Texas has an enormous fire ant problem. They cost the state hundreds of millions of dollars by getting into circuit breakers and other electrical equipment. Researchers at Texas A&M are releasing the fire ant’s natural predator, the phorid fly, into their environment. The fly will lay its eggs on the body of the fireant; the eggs will then hatch into phorid fly maggots, which will then burrow inside the fire ant’s head and eat its brain. This does not kill the fire ant immediately; the ant’s brain does not control its ability to walk, so zombie-esque fire ants continue to walk around for almost a month until the maggots finally hatch into full-blown flies and the head of the ant falls off. The fly crawls out and lives its life, attempting to find more fire ants.
2:49 – Police across the country are reporting an increase in the number of flowers being stolen from cemeteries and being resold on streets and intersections.
4:23 – The passengers of Flight #1549 that Sully Sullenberger landed into the Hudson have received luggage that was mailed to them after it was recovered from the water. One dude received a newspaper from that day, another had bought birthday boots for her daughter and one received a black-and-white photo of her father from the 1930s. Seth talks about a depot in Steamboat Springs, Colo., that resells lost luggage for bargain prices.
7:21 – Washington, D.C., is host to the National Bible Bee on Nov. 5-6. There will be tournaments held across the country leading up to this.
14:41 – A registered sex offender in Salt Lake City, Utah known as “Diaper Boy” was arrested for the fifth time this week for showing the diaper he wears to kids in the area. Along with the diaper, he also has snapshots of him wearing the diaper, along with downloaded photos of other fully grown men in their diapers. Despite a long history of doing this, prosecutors have had a very hard time filing criminal charges because he does not expose his genitals.
16:56 – Playboy.com features an ad that is a spinoff of “Two Girls One Cup” called “Two Girls One Sub”
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thai Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
30:39 – Seth tells us about Mrs. Buttersworth, who made her TV debut in 1961, but her first name has always been a secret. It’s been passed down over the years from manager to manager at Pinnacle Foods Group, the maker of Mrs. Buttersworth syrup. The website is running a contest to guess her name. Submit your entry by July 17, guess her name and give an explanation in 100 words or less. The winner will be featured on the website, receive $500 in cash and a year’s supply of the syrup.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
37:45 – 66-year-old Robert John Ward of Spotsylvania, Va. (Episode 003, 24:23), was accused by a relative for acting inappropriately with the family dog. The dog had been acting strangely for weeks, and when the family confronted him in an intervention-like setting, he admitted to “fooling around with the dog” when no one was home. Apparently he jerked the dog off, he fucked the dog’s butt and the dog blew him.
42:14 – In Utah, they finally passed a law that gives you clearance to go to a bar and get a drink. Previously, bartenders couldn’t hand a drink to the patron without first walking around the “Zion Curtain,” a glass partition that separates the bartender from the patrons and waitresses. He has to make the drinks in a back room so they can’t see him make them.
47:54 – Consumer Reports has linked a skin rash from leather couches directly back to the manufacturing plant in China. The dyes and preservatives contained in the couches that have been discovered in Ohio are extremely harmful to human skin.
50:51 – A new hot trend is called “lighter tag.” Reports from Seattle say people are playing the game, a form of tag where participants cover themselves in lighter fluid. Tagging someone is in essence lighting that person on fire. Once they roll around and scream and the flames are extinguished, the burnt victim has the opportunity to tag someone else. Jah thinks the way to make the game crazier and better is to extinguish the person who tagged them (paying it backward) before you can continue).
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
54:42 – The total sum of all the world’s digital content has reached 500 billion gigabytes – the equivalent of a stack of books filled with endless information starting on the floor and extending to the planet Pluto, multiplied by 10. It will double in the next year and a half.
1:01:38 – Jah reads something from Ray Kurzweil, who owns a company that sells keyboards and synthesizers: He believes computer intelligence is advancing so rapidly that in a couple of decades machines will be as intelligent as humans. Soon after that they will surpass humans and start creating even smarter technology. By the middle of this century, the only way for us to keep up will be to merge with the machines, so that their superior intelligence can boost our weak little brains and beef up our pitiful illness-prone bodies. Some of Kurzweil’s fellow futurists believe these super-human computers will want nothing to do with us – that we will become either their pets or their food. Always an optimist, Kurzweil takes more of an upbeat view. He swears these super-human computers will love us and honor us, since we will be their ancestors. He also thinks we will be able to embed our consciousness in silicone, which means we can live on inside of machines forever.
3:58 – In Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia—all states that have banned smiling on license photos—there’s new high-tech software that is having issues matching separate photos if facial expressions differ. It is supposed to help identity theft. The DMV has asked in these states that people keep the pictures “dull.”
8:11 – Ben & Jerry’s has a new flavor – The Barenaked Ladies’ “If I Had A Million Flavors” – features chocolate and vanilla ice cream, chocolate-covered toffee, white chocolate chunks, peanut butter cups and chocolate-covered almonds.
14:49 – A transient was found in Mount Olympus (a gated area in Hollywood) this weekend and charged with starting a fire that charred 5 acres of land and took more than 100 firefighters to extinguish. It did not destroy any homes, however the following day, a resident in the area saw the man that matched the description. He detained the dude, and when the cops got there he claimed he was Prometheus—a figure in Greek mythology known for stealing fire from the god Zeus and giving it to the humans.
26:19 – Kanye West has a new book called Thank You and You’re Welcome, even though he has said “I’m not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.” The book is 52 pages long and some of the pages are totally blank. Other pages have words called “Kanye-isms.” Says West, “While traveling the world random thoughts would come to me. Very poignant quotes.” One of the quotes is “I hate the word ‘hate.’”
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
40:10 – Danger Mouse and Sparkle Horse were supposed to put out a record this summer. Due to an ongoing dispute with the label, EMI, the album is not going to be released because of various label-oriented issues. They’re disappointed in this, and plan to release a fully-illustrated artwork-done jewel case. Within the jewel case will be a blank CDR, which will be labeled, “For legal reasons, enclosed is a CDR. It contains no music. Use it as you will.”
48:43 – Gillette has put up some instructional videos on better shaving. One is called “Go further for body shaving,” which states that “When there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.”
52:42 – When the Bureau of Prisons transfers mid- to low-level prisoners to a halfway house or another facility to house inmates, they buy them tickets and let them travel alone on Greyhound buses because it’s more cost-effective. In the last three years, 180 inmates have skipped out on their transfer.
54:58 – A new documentary about teenage girls in the U.S. claims that oral sex is the new good-night kiss.
1:01:28 – Vans made a breakdancing shoe specifically for breakers. If Seth had these shoes he might actually do the moonwalk on camera to make up for when he bitched out in Episode 100.
2:34 – Friday, June 12 – analog to digital. From the time they announced the switch to digital (Episode 048, 15:08), anyone that hadn’t done it yet has since passed away.
7:27 – A guy gets on Twitter and tells everyone how him and his family are on vacation, so someone reads it and goes to his house and steals all his shit.
14:00 – A judge in California has dismissed a lawsuit brought by a woman who stated that she bought Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries because she actually thought the cereal featured real fruit berries. Her name is Janine Sugawara. She also claims she was misled by the box cover because it features the Cap’n thrusting a spoonful of berries in her face.
16:18 – At a recent Technology Entertainment and Design (TED) Conference, a speaker showed a sonogram that showed an example of an in utero masturbation taking place. The Journal of Ultrasound and Medicine released a photo of a baby with its hand hovering over the penis, and then an in-motion footage of the fetus jerking off.
18:58 – A courtside seat to Game 2 of the NBA Finals this week at the Staples Center is on StubHub.com for $55,000. Jah says that’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard in his life.
21:12 – The Nielsen Company announces they are ending the publication Radio and Records
22:30 – Microsoft has a search engine called Bing which they’re hoping will replace Google. The search engine features automatic video preview playing when you scroll your mouse over a link, and tech reviewers basically said it was its own porn site.
23:57 – At the E3 Conference in Los Angeles, Microsoft unveiled their Project Natal, which is basically Wii motion sensor technology without any handheld controls.
25:37 – New Wikipedia/Google – Wolfram|Alpha. Seth thinks it sounds like an Iraqi War operation (Episode 077, 15:56). It’s a computational knowledge engine, the first step in an ambitious long-term project to make all systematic knowledge immediately computable by anyone. You enter your question or calculation and Wolfram|Alpha uses its own built-in algorithms and growing collection of data to compute the answer based on a new kind of knowledge-based computer. Breaking this down in layman’s terms, Jah explains that the concept is Shazam (the song recognizing iPhone app) wrapped over the entire internet.
40:04 – Sunday, June 21 is Father’s Day and the first day of summer. The National Retail Federation expects spending on dad to be down again this year. Last year the average was $94.54, and this year the average is expected to be $90.89 (Episode 120, 12:10, and Episode 013, 41:21).
42:13 – Kids love to hug each other, according to a front page New York Times article. One theory is that play dates were big and novel when J-dawg’s brother, Ben (now 22), was growing up, and it was a huggy time. Jah’s theory is that there is something on a deeper psychological level that has to do with the antithesis of all the other stuff going on in their lives (technological prowess, not being in control), and they look to one another and move toward each other and bracing for what’s going on.
48:10 – The Grandview Topless Coffee Shop (Episode 156, 24:33) burned down this week, thanks to an arsonist.
51:34 – Over 1,000 distinct species of bacteria live on the human skin at any given time. The part of the body with the most bacteria (44 different kinds) is the forearm (Episode 051, 24:28).
58:35 – Police have arrested a U.S. Marine Corps recruiter for using a 14-year-old girl to have sex with potential military recruits. 33-year-old staff sergeant Brian Damone Cunningham enticed the girl from her home after he meter her online. Police found her in a car after having sex with Cunningham and two potential recruits.
1:01:24 – Pearl Jam’s newest album, Backspacer, comes out Sept. 11 and will be sold exclusively at Target.
1:11 – The Washington Nationals set off a pyrotechnic display at a game last weekend and all the debris from the fireworks fell into the stands and landed on the body of the Washington D.C. fire chief.
1:45 – The Dallas Cowboys have a $1.15 billion stadium that opened this week with a George Strait concert that 60,000 people attended. There was only 1 DWI arrest, 53-year-old Jack Hill, who was in charge of the construction of the entire facility and is the general manager of the facility.
5:37 – We have made the switch from analog to digital TV at midnight.
8:32 – The FDA has warned consumers to check the labels on their hand sanitizers. A company called Clarcon is producing sanitizers that contain high levels of disease-causing bacteria. The FDA says to not lather your hands with this or put it in any open wounds.
10:13 – The WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury is going to replace their team name on their uniforms with the name of their new corporate sponsor, Lifelock. This is the first time it has happened in major American sports teams. The NFL has approved that teams can carry corporate sponsors on their practice jerseys. The Houston Texans have been contacted by an HD porn company called Zero Tolerance.
12:01 – An update on Project Natal (Episode 170, 23:57) – it has a problem detecting darker skinned people. Melanin seems to directly affect the signal from the software.
15:22 – PETA releases its most veg-friendly Major League ballparks, and No. 1 is Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. They feature southwestern black bean burgers, mock crabcake salads, veggie Philly cheesesteaks, veggie dogs, faux chicken sandwiches. Fenway Park has some vegetarian offerings – peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks and soft pretzels.
17:52 – Former model Russell Christoff has won $15.6 million in a settlement from a jury in his case against Taster’s Choice coffee. In 1986 he posed for Nestlé, and was paid $250 for a day shoot. He signed a contract that said that any use of the photographs for commercial uses would be negotiated. In 2002, while standing in a Home Depot, a woman is in line with him and tells him he looks like the guy on the coffee jar. Two months later he’s shopping at a Rite-Aid pharmacy, and sees his face on a Taster’s Choice can. Taster’s Choice has been doing it since 1998, and Christoff sues them. The proceedings get bogged down for a bit, he wins the money, an appeals court has reversed the decision, and now he is back in court trying to re-reverse the reversal.
21:36 – July 3, 1995, cover of Time magazine featured the title “Cyber Porn,” with a picture of a scared kid lit up by the glowing orb of an old CRT monitor. “Exclusive: A new study shows how pervasive and how wild it really is. Can we protect our kids and free speech?”
33:10 – The American Veterinary Medical Association is holding their annual convention next month in Seattle, Wash. They opened the first day of the convention with some Pike Place Fish Market throwers. PETA complained and said it would be cruel if it was dead kittens being thrown. The AVMA is now considering rubber fish.
40:36 – The Smiths, a Missouri family, sent out Christmas cards. A friend of theirs was vacationing in Prague and saw their picture in the window of a food speciality shop’s delivery service. The store owner found it on the internet, blew it up and used it as an ad.
42:00 – Geekology.com ranks the “Best Yahoo Answers.” Some of the questions: “Why are there school?” … “How come when I talk to girls on Facebook they don’t answer me back?” … “Ping pong ball stuck in my vagina. Please help me get it out. No, I’m not posting pics. I was trying to practice a cool trick for my man and it got stuck there and it’s too slimy to pull out. I don’t want to go to the E.R. or doctor cuz I gots no insurance.” … “I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?” Jah wonders if there are people who are really that stupid and if they have the capacity to not be that stupid.
48:00 – BestBuytruestories.com – Think they’re actors? Not a chance. 30-second videos on the Best Buy website of employees passing the cheer in their own way.
53:53 – Daniel James Murray, 36, is in custody for menacing President Obama. While he was depositing money in a bank, he asked “Is the bank solvent? With all the mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I’m sure if citizens happen to lose all their money, they’re going to rise up and we could see killing and deaths.” On information they needed on a form, he filled out MESSENGER OF GOD under occupation. After they took him into custody, he said “we are on a mission to kill the President of the United States. … I’ve traveled thousands of miles to be here, and I know things that are going to happen. We are 94 million miles from the sun. The banking system will fail and people will die. There will be chaos in the world.”
1:01:37 – In a slow, deep creepy voice, Jah reads the following: A pair of pioneering astronomers revealed Tuesday how they used a supercomputer to show how a nearby black bole is vastly more massive than scientists ever imagined. The black hole at the heart of the relatively close Messier 87 Galaxy (M87) weighs in at 6.4 billion times the mass of our Sun, according to US astrophysicist Karl Gebhardt and Germany's Jens Thomas, who say it's the largest ever measured with a reliable technique. One of the more enigmatic features of astronomy, a black hole is a region in space that is inferred by tracking stars that orbit it. Objects fall into its stupendous gravitational field but nothing, not even light, can return. Gebhardt and Thomas' revelation, they say, sheds light on how galaxies grow, and may solve the paradox of quasars - active black holes guzzling matter in distant galaxies that scientists are struggling to understand. Addressing the American Astronomical Society conference in Pasadena, California, the stargazers described how they employed the gargantuan computing power of the Lonestar system, also known as the huge "Texas Advanced Computing Center" at the University of Texas. The Lonestar has 5,840 processing cores and can perform 62 trillion "floating-point operations" per second. For comparison, the most state-of-the-art laptop computer has only two processing cores and performs only 10 billion such operations per second. Gebhardt and Thomas's study, to be published later this year in the Astrophysical Journal, aims to clock the mass of Galaxy M87's central black hole by also modeling the galaxy's "dark halo," a phenomenon that extends past a galaxy's visible structure and contains the ethereal but weighty dark matter. "In the past, we have always considered the dark halo to be significant, but we did not have the computing resources to explore it as well," said Gebhardt as he lauded the supercomputer's ability. Such a conclusion would fundamentally change consideration of the physical laws of space, as scientists examine black holes and probe how galaxies grow.
1:07 – In Arizona, when you get a license, you don’t have to renew it until you’re 65 years old
6:19 – The FDA has announced that consumers should immediately stop taking all forms of Zicam cold remedy nasal products. For many way this is a way to get zinc in your system without taking zinc losenges, but apparently spraying the zinc right in your brain can cause anosmia, or the loss of the sense of smell. Jonathan has Zicam sitting in his cupboard right now.
9:56 – Colin Firth will get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2010. Seth has no idea who Colin Firth is.
11:02 – Facebook users have doubled from last year. This year they’ve overtaken Myspace, which has lost 5% of its users. It is the No. 1 U.S. social networking site. Facebook has 70.28 million users; Myspace has 70.26 million; Twitter has 17.6 million – an increase of 2,700% from last year. Jah doesn’t think Twitter should be considered a social networking site, and he will not use it as a way of keeping in touch with people who listen to this show.
13:47 – Sean Combs uses Twitter, and on it had the quote, “When I close my eyes, I see God.”
20:08 – The secret ingredients to the new line of grilled chicken at KFC introduced in April is beef powder and rendered beef fat.
23:29 – Detroit is on some shaky ground right now. The population of the city is hovering around 900,000. There are currently no major grocery store chains in the entire city. There are only 4 Starbucks in the entire city. There may be some light at the end of the tunnel, because young people have begun moving there with the average home price at less than $12,000.
35:37 – A staff person for the Tennessee Republican Sen. Diane Black sent an e-mail out that showed portraits of all 44 U.S. presidents. The final box of President Obama just shows a black box with two wide-open white scared-looking eyes.
38:59 – New Sensations, an adult film production company, has a new film coming out – Seinfeld: A XXX Parody available June 29, 2009. “See the gang like you’ve never seen them before.” They’ve made a couple other parodies, spoofing Scrubs and The Office. James Deen, 2009 AVN Male Performer of the Year, portrays Jerry Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Krasinski in all three spoofs.
45:07 – President Obama was doing an interview at the White House on CNBC and a fly kept flying in front of him. Obama judo chops the fly out of the air and kills it, so PETA sends Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.
48:21 – MTV’s Top Graduation Milestones for 2009: 5) Gay Marriage, 4) Twitter, 3) Twilight, 2) Lady Gaga, 1) Barack Obama.
52:44 – Trip Advisor has listed their World’s Top 5 Germiest Attractions: 5) Handprints and Footprints outside the Hollywood Grauman’s Chinese Theatre; 4) St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy – pigeon shit; 3) Oscar Wilde’s tomb in Paris, France – lipstick prints; 2) the Wall of Gum in Seattle, Wash.; and 1) Blarney Stone in Blarney, Ireland. Seth thinks this is all gross and can’t even get down with his mother taking communion.
58:37 – NASA is talking about bombing the moon. A rocket will go into space and release another rocket. 10 months from now kinetic energy will take that rocket full speed into the moon and bomb it, and a satellite will be following behind that, go under the surface and detect if there is any water or ice under the surface.
1:05:57 – Jonathon Keats is a 37-year-old conceptual artist. In 2003 he copyrighted his mind, claiming it was a sculpture he created, neural network by neural network, through the act of thinking. When interviewed for the project by the BBC World Service, Keats said the reason he did this was to attain “temporary immortality,” on the grounds that the copyright act would give him intellectual property rights on his mind for a period of 70 years after his death. He reasoned that, if he licensed out those rights, he'd fulfill the Cogito (“I think, therefore I am"”, paradoxically surviving himself by seven decades. In order to fund the posthumous marketing of intellectual property rights to his mind, he sold futures contracts on his brain in an IPO (Initial Public Offering) at the Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. The project was later included in Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
8:28 – Trojan has introduced a new line of condom called Ecstasy – “It feels like nothing’s there.”
9:14 – Seth says the greatest movie of all time is The Karate Kid, which is being remade into Kung Fu Kid, starring Eliza Dushku, Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith.
13:34 – Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a book giving relationship advice called “The Day I Shot Cupid.” Seth then reads a list of the people she’s dated: John Mayer, Carson Daly, Joey Lawrence, Wilmer Valderrama and Antonio Sabato Jr. She’s engaged to Jamie Kennedy.
19:20 – Mike Green, a Republican strategist in South Carolina, on his Twitter account this week: “Just heard Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on Aspirin because it’s white and it works.”
24:10 – More than 18,000 members of the Watchtower Society, followers of the Jehovah’s Witness faith, will converge on your town for their annual convention. They will also be going out in large groups daily trying to convert non-believers. On the Watchtower website, one of the questions asked is “What Movies to See?” The answer: “The AMPAS rating system is no substitute for Bible-trained conscience. Simply just apply Psalm 97:10 – ‘Hate what is bad.’ A person who hates what is bad would consider it wrong to be entertained by the things that God abhors.”
26:39 – Seth tells us about the “Chemtrail conspiracy theory,” which claims that some contrails are actually chemicals or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public. Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, in April of 2009 during an interview with Tavis Smiley, he talked about the phenomenon of chemtrails, saying there were an increase in aircraft trails that coincided with an inexplicable increase in fighting and arguing in his neighborhood.
30:42 – Some Pizza Hut stores and Pizza Hut boxes will now go by the name “The Hut.” It’s in an ongoing effort to stay hip and fresh with their customers. Pizza Hut also unveiled their new “Twintern,” who uses Twitter to update customers about deals and pop culture news.
33:21 – Burger King, in Singapore, has released a new ad for their “Super 7-Incher” burger-sandwich. The ad is a profile of a woman with red lipstick inserting a 7-incher into her mouth, with the words IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND AWAY. FILL YOUR DESIRE FOR SOMETHING LONG AND JUICY. Hardee’s has a new product called “Biscuit Holes.” – “They sound wrong, but they taste so right.”
58:12 – Urged by Captain Sully Sullenberger, the San Francisco Library held a two-week amnesty period for overdue books. Sully had a library book in the cockpit with him when he crash-landed the plane in the Hudson River. After the crash he called his library and apologized for losing it in the crash. The library, in the two-week amnesty, received back 29,228 books. The oldest overdue book that came in was from 1947. It was a copy of George Bernard Shaw’s play “Man and Superman.” Its due date was Jan. 29, 1964. It was at the Presidio Branch. One apologetic patron named Antonio blamed his tardiness on a two-month abduction by aliens.
1:02:38 – A Bolivian TV station got an exclusive cell phone snapshot from the crash of the Air France 447 that was lost over the Atlantic on June 1. A team recovered a passenger’s Casio 2750 cell phone. The camera was destroyed but the memory card was intact. The only problem was the snap shot was a still from the pilot episode of Lost.
1:04:06 – Newly released tapes of President Richard Nixon were made public by the Nixon Presidential Library this week. The secret tapes include his thoughts on abortion. He made no public comment on Jan. 22, 1973, when the Supreme Court struck down laws criminalizing abortion in the Roe v. Wade case, but the next day in the White House he said, “There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black-and-white.”
3:25 – A company called Gene Partner wants to team up with a new online dating site called “Sense2Love” and add genetic matching to their growing database. Soon you’ll be easy to match up genetically.
5:32 – Father José Funes of the Vatican Observatory claimed that if aliens existed, they might not need redemption. Humanity might be the cosmos’ “lost sheep,” the 1 out of 100 in Jesus’ parable that wandered and needed special attention. If there are also intelligent beings, it’s not a given that they need redemption; they might have remained in full friendship with their creator.
7:53 – A company is unveiling a new technology that will allow soon-to-be moms the chance, using high-tech 3D modeling and ultrasound imagery to hold a lifesize replica of their baby from the size of a peanut until the days before actual birth. This will allow the parent to form a pre-natal bond with their child that will only strengthen their love and devotion. … Jonathan wonders about the next generation of this, which is the actual model growing in real time.
18:20 – The founder of Flickr.com, Caterina Fake, has launched a new search engine that she says is a “kind of shortcut through human expert systems.” Users are asked to answer around 1,500 questions about themselves on Hunch.com. Questions such as political orientation, status of their current interpersonal relationships, do you keep your closet organized, do you believe in UFOs?, etc. Hunch believes this large-scale data farming
21:43 – Seth tells us about Corey Feldman and his band, Truth Movement (Episode 079, 20:25). Feldman performed a free concert last weekend at the Universal Citywalk. Truth Movement compares themselves to Pink Floyd – they’re about technology, science and sound. Feldman comes out at the beginning cloaked, and is talking really low in a voiceover. Some of his dialogue: “In the beginning, a sign of things to come. And after the last meteor hit the ground, a new time was born. A new age was discovered. The first sign of life for man as he found his way through the icy caverns. Exploring this new world, and it was bestowed upon him. Men and women made families, created tribes and formed religion!” Seth said the show was pure rock-n-roll.
24:20 – A teenage hunter was convicted of second degree manslaughter for fatally shooting a hiker he had mistaken for a bear. Judge found 15-year-old Tyler J. Kales had not acted recklessly when he shot Pamela Almli on Sock Mountain north of Seattle, Wash. He’s going to be sentenced next week. They believe he’s going to get 3 months in a juvenile facility.
26:41 – Jon Bon Jovi is doing his part for the people of Iran. He’s recorded a cover version of “Stand By Me” and sung part of the lyrics in Farsi.
43:29 – Congratulations to Mississippi – for the fifth year in a row it is the country’s fattest state, followed closely by Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee.
56:18 – Mormon university BYU has lifted its ban on campus access to YouTube because of the increasing amount of educational materials available on the site. The school is granting access for the first time. The university has encouraged its students to use the tenets of their faith to avoid any objectionable material available on the site. That includes anything remotely erotic, indecent, pornographic, disorderly or obscene.
58:35 – A fifth-grade teacher in Sacramento, Calif., gave all her students a DVD to commemorate their school year. It included field trips, class presentations, etc. A father sat down with his young son, pulled up the menu screen with all the chapters on the TV. He watched one in which his son was featured, and pressed ‘Play.’ He watched a classroom scene with applause, and then it went to an abrupt cut of their fifth-grade teacher on her couch in her living room getting fucked. The father recalled his son’s shocked face and question, “Dad, is that Miss Defanti?” She is apparently mortified and doesn’t know how it’s happened. She’s called all the parents and begged to keep her job and dignity.
2:39 – Gold’s Gym has designated July as “Cankle Awareness Month.” According to Gold’s Gym, cankles are the fastest growing aesthetic affliction in the U.S. The summer brings skirts, shorts, capris, bare feet, sandals, etc., further drawing attention to this scourge. Seth claims that Jonathan’s younger brother, Ben, does not have to worry about this, because he had calf implant surgery (Episode 001, 40:43). Before he had the surgery Seth told him not to do it, but now he thinks it was worth it.
11:53 – Denny’s All-Nighter from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. – they’re playing alternative rock music, and encouraging young, hungry, drunk patrons to come in. They sponsor more than 30 emerging bands who get free meals on the road as long as they occasionally stop in at Denny’s after a show and do a post-show jam session. Denny’s servers are encouraged to chat up tipsy customers, says their spokesperson: “We want them to say, ‘Hey, it looks like you guys are having some fun tonight. Who wants some coffee now?’”
24:12 – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved the first at-home test kit for men to use after a vasectomy, to make sure they have achieved true serility. It’s called Sperm Check Vasectomy. It measures a protein called SP-10 that is present in each sperm head. The test may be useful because sperm can remain in the male reproductive tract for several weeks or months after a vasectomy procedure.
32:24 – TruTV’s website had executed prisoners last words. Early Wesley Berry in ’08: “No comment.” … Dale Devon Scheanette in Texas earlier this year: “Is the mic on?” … Michael Richard in Texas in ’07: “Let’s ride.” … James Jackson in Texas: “Warden, murder me. I’m ready to roll. It’s time to get this party started.” … George Harris in Missouri: “Somebody needs to kill my trial attorney.” … Thomas Grasso in Oklahoma: “Please tell the media I didn’t get my Spaghetti-O’s. I just got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” (Episode 013, 56:19)
34:28 – Facebook has a feature called Friend Suggestions, which analyzes your friends. … Jennifer Bates and her boyfriend of 3 years had a really bad breakup. She gets Friend Suggestions from Facebook of a profile of someone she “might know.” It is the ex-boyfriend, and he is holding his newborn baby, smiling – it was the newborn he had with the girl he was cheating with behind Jennifer’s back. … Tennesse resident Relámpago Negro keeps getting suggestions of the wife of her ex-boyfriend, along with the ex-boyfriend’s brother and all of his in-laws. … Jennifer Smith says that men she went out with one time keep popping back up.
38:49 – Discovery Times Square Exposition has an exhibit called “Titanic: The Artifacts.” You pay $20 and get a quasi-authentic boarding pass, you come out of the tour, and then are told you died.”
41:04 – According to GMAC Insurance, the 5th annual National Drivers Test analyzes Driver IQ on a state-by-state basis by asking 20 questions to more than 5,000 drivers throughtout the country. New York has the lowest Driving IQ, followed by Hawaii, New Jersey and California. Based on the results, 20% of current-day drivers (about 40 million) would not pass a written test if they took it right now. Drivers over 35 were most likely to pass, while 18- to 24-year-olds had the highest failure rate. Men were more likely than woman to pass (81% to 79%).
50:05 – Southwest Airlines has begun letting small dogs and cats fly with their owners for $75 each way.
51:48 – Audra Sigler Shay, the vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans, is under a bit of fire for comments made on her Facebook page. Her friend Eric Piker, July 1 at 1:54 p.m.: “Obama Bin Laden is the new terrorist. We need to take the country back from all these mad coons and illegals.” Audra Sigler at 2:02 p.m. on July 1: “You tell ’em, Eric. LOL.”
1:03:49 – In 2012, the iPhone looks as though it will finally be unlocked – with the ability to use any cell phone provider.
1:43 – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. He was charged more than $23 quadrillion. John Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number. He said he had to spend more than two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to explain to them what happened and not have to pay the $15 overdraft fee they charged him.
9:46 – The world’s longest yard sale, otherwise known as the U.S. 127 Corridor Sale, a 4-day, 654-mile annual extravaganza that stretches from West Unity, Ohio to Gadsden, Ala., has always begun the first week in August since 1987
13:50 – Harry and Pepper, two gay penguins living and loving at the San Francisco Zoo (Episode 116, 4:42) have been going strong for the last six years. Recently, Linda, another penguin who has just widowed, has started flirting with Harry, and they’re in a fully consummated relationship. Pepper is alone and super upset. Zookeeper Anthony Brown said that Linda did not want to be a single girl for too long.
19:12 – The country’s most popular state fair, the Iowa State Fair, will be held Aug. 13-23 in Des Moines. More than 1 million people will attend. The most popular attraction is the butter cow, a state fair staple since 1911. This year they will focus on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and will also include some kind of Michael Jackson sculpture. PETA is protesting the annual event and recommends that all the sculpture works be made using Earth Balance, a non-dairy buttery spread. The event is sponsored by the Midwest Dairy Association. Jah claims that Earth Balance is a quality butter substitute.
24:13 – Merriam Webster’s Dictionary has been published with a new edition for 2009 with some of the following new words: acai, fan fiction, flash mob, frenemy, goji (Episode 005, 5:17), locavore (Episode 030, 19:17), reggaeton, sock puppet, staycation (Episode 117, 12:45), webisode and zipline.
33:08 – Dual doggy door dangers – over 75,000 doggy doors are sold and installed in U.S. homes each year. The first is that small children can crawl through them and fall out into pools or off balconies. The other is a reverse boycott – when burglars come with their little children and have them go through the door, unlock it and let them in.
37:51 – Rachel Ferrera, 23, of Wisconsin, got home from work and found her boyfriend, 24-year-old Christopher Strabley, sitting on their couch, watching porn on the TV and masturbating. She called him “a fucking cheater.” She then kicked him in the nuts and stabbed him several times in the stomach with a kitchen knife, saying over and over again “you deserve it.” He drove himself to the hospital and is OK. She told police, “I think I hurt him bad.”
46:29 – Republican U.S. Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas has announced the introduction of legislation that he is backing called The Human Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009. This would ban the creation of genetically spliced human animals. Brownback: “Creating human animal hybrids, which permanently alter the genetic makeup of an organism will challenge the very definition of what it means to be human and is a violation of human dignity and a grave injustice. We will protect the dignity and sacredness of human life. It will protect the very essence of what it means to be human.”
54:28 – There’s currently an ongoing legal battle, and a battle amongst American women, between two different types of tampons – the Tampax Pearl and the Playtex Gentle Glide.
56:37 – An American company, MyDishBiz, posted a photograph of a couple on their website doing a testimonial. Underneath, the caption reads “Frank and Mary from New York,” along with a glowing testimonial about how they made easy money selling Dish network satellites from home and “We made over $1,000 alone from this internet business opportunity.” The couple in the picture are not Frank and Mary, but Ben and Catherine Mullany from Wales, who were murdered last summer while on their honeymoon in Antigua. The pic was downloaded without permission from an internet memorial site that was dedicated to them by friends and family.
3:15 – Many former Christians are getting de-baptized.
5:43 – Shannon Doherty was at the Hollywood Collectors and Celebrities Show in Burbank last weekend selling autographs and pictures. Her display listed her credits as Beverly Hills 90210, 90210, Mallrats, Scare Tactics and Charmed. She charged $25 for autographed photos, $40 for her Playboy cover, $50 for a nude photo and $20 for a photo op.
11:06 – It’s an African tradition for bare-breasted women to form a tunnel and greet soldiers who have returned from war. They heal the troops with their presence, easing the mental and physical toll on their return to daily life. The natural healing and energy of the topless women is soothing. Twenty-five women at the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art have taken this custom and acted upon it. They painted their breasts and pressed them against soft cloth and left their mark. They want to give them to returning soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.
21:18 – At the recent TED global conference, a professor claimed that a detailed, functional artificial human brain would be built within the next 10 years. “The Blue Brain Project” aims to reverse engineer the mammalian brain from laboratory data. In particular, the team of scientists and researchers have focused on the neocortical column, using a software model of over 10,000 different processors—each one simulating the total calculations that each neuron can deliver.
34:12 – In Utah, a 45-year-old female Social Studies teacher is arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old male student. It started out with simple texts. She is charged with rape of a child and sodomy of a child. In the same court, same city and same school, there is a 40-year-old teacher who’s about to go to trial because she’s been fucking the same kid. He’s 14 now. The 40-year-old math teacher is being charged with rape and forcible sodomy.
39:48 – As of Oct. 27, 2009, all new commercial airliners must come equipped with airbags in all of their seats.
41:41 – More than 100 pilots and other airline employees live in a makeshift colony of trailers and motor homes at the eastern end of LAX’s Parking Lot B.
46:44 – In Santa Ana, Calif., a man sued a local Claim Jumper restaurant because he was enjoying his French onion soup, chewing the melted cheese on top and realized he was chewing a condom. The attorney wants all employees to hand over DNA samples to match.
50:43 – Police are reporting that sexual assaults and indecency at Orlando waterparks are skyrocketing this summer.
2:06 – There are over 50,000 registered sex offenders in the United States as we speak. You can now get a new app for your iPhone called Offender Locator, which pinpoints the user by GPS and provides an immediate map listing of all peeds that are in the area. You can click on the pin, and it provides a picture of the dude, his address and what he did.
8:01 – AOL Radio has an all-Nickelback station. Some of the comments that were left on the station page: Fantastic. Now I can listen at work. … Wow. Absolutely amazing. Now I can listen to all their songs without interruption. … All Nickel for no dime. Great stuff. … Wow. All Nickelback. For no dimes. Wow. … This will be the best station. … Sweet. Total nonstop Nickelback. … Like a dream come true. I have gone through four sets of CDs and I’m about to replace them again. There were also a lot of comments from Eastern Europe asking for them to tour over there.
17:08 – Star magazine uncovers a relationship between Kenny Chesney and Jessica Simpson as a “Hot Summer Hookup.”
24:47 – UCLA has released their latest edition of the slang dictionary they put out every year. New inclusions are booty call, chillax, cross faded, sister from another mister, off the heezy, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), Obama (the slang term, not the name), etc.
27:06 – Princeton Review Top 10 Party Schools (Episode 031, 4:56) — 10) UC-Santa Barbara, 9) Florida State, 8) Wisconsin, 7) Texas, 6) West Virginia, 5) Ohio, 4) Georgia, 3) Mississippi, 2) Florida, 1) Penn State.
32:22 – Police in Lawrence, Ind., picked up a drunk and disorderly Asian man for booking. He was totally compliant, a simple man. Instead of filling out the paperwork with the standard legal name of John Doe, they thought it would be funny to call him Jackie Chan. Unfortunately, he’s a somewhat famous Chinese refugee who just arrived in the U.S. after spending 17 years in a Chinese prison being tortured for throwing paint on a picture of Mao Zedong. The group that brought him here were unable to locate him because he has no ID on him. As they were going around to local hospitals and jails they couldn’t find any John Doe because he was booked as Jackie Chan.
47:56 – Thursday-Sunday, Aug.6-9, in Cave In Rock, Ill., will be the 10th Gathering of the Juggalos (the crazy Insane Clown Posse fest).
56:50 – A writer for the Washington Post asked the city’s WNBA team, the Washington Mystics’ management, why, during their home games, there is no Kiss Cam. A spokeswoman for the team claims that “We get a lot of kids at our games and we didn’t want our fans seeing anything that could be deemed inappropriate.”
58:53 – The New York Times had an article about “When Do They Need A Fig Leaf?” talking about how old kids should be before they start running around butt naked. Jah thinks they should start dressing around the house when they have pubes.
3:00 – The USPS is about to begin closing down over 1,000 postal offices throughout the country. The USPS has lost over $4.7 billion this year. They expect to lose about $7 billion by October. Jah is trying to keep the USPS alive by sending all UYD t-shirts through the mail.
18:33 – Aug. 15-16 is the 40-year anniversary of Woodstock, not to be confused with 1994’s Woodstock 2, which Seth went to (Episode 019, 6:00). This was not the Woodstock that had the rape – that was 1999 – and was probably Limp Bizkit’s fault.’
36:46 – A blogger claims that you can block out Gmail ads by using “trigger words” within your e-mails. Jah explains how Google has a mechanism in it that reads your e-mails and tries to throw ads around the outside of your e-mail (Episode 173, 19:42; Episode 157, 11:46). People text Jah all the time saying it’s awesome that they get Uhh Yeah Dude ads, because Jah’s dad submitted a UYD ad 2 years ago. Jah doesn’t like it because you get inundated with it. The blogger has figured out that if you type in words like “suicide” and “911” the ads won’t show up. The ads only show up when your e-mail is “catastrophe-free.” Apparently you need one event and/or trigger word for every 167 words you use in a message. Words such as “incest,” “pedophile,” etc., all work. Jah thinks people need to have these embedded in their signatures at the bottom of each e-mail: On 9-11, my dog was raped by a pedophile alcoholic.
43:02 – Sarah Palin was on a 7-hour road trip with her family, and so she filled up the iPod with Kid Rock, Toby Keith and The Black-Eyed Peas. She said it was going to be “iPod heaven.”
48:06 – If you’ve found yourself looking for Radio Shacks recently and haven’t found any, that’s because Radio Shack is now officially, “The Shack.” Much like Pizza Hut is now “The Hut” (Episode 172, 30:42).
49:32 – A large pizza at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, if you stay at one of the suites, it costs $60 (no toppings).
53:27 – Seth gives Jonathan the top 10 singles on the charts this week in 1984: 10) Corey Hart – “Sunglasses At Night”; 9) Rod Stewart – “Infatuation”; 8) Dan Hartman – “I Can Dream About You”; 7) Bruce Springsteen – “Dancing In The Dark”; 6) Lionel Richie – “Stuck On You”; 5) Elton John – “Sad Songs Say So Much”; 4) Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”; 3) The Jacksons – “State of Shock”; 2) Prince – “When Doves Cry”; 1) Ray Parker Jr. – “Ghostbusters.” Jah recalls that Ray Parker Jr. got sued by Huey Lewis because he ripped off “I Want a New Drug.”
1:01:23 – There are over 1 trillion web addresses on the internet. There are 6.7 billion people in the world. There are 150 web addresses for every person. If you were to spend 1 minute on every website (assuming no more were ever created), it would take you 31,000 years.
3:48 – In Spokane, Wash., they have a complete and total ban on sales of dishwashing detergent that contain phosphates which run into the Spokane River and kill fish by depleting oxygen in the water. Residents are forced to drive 45 minutes across state lines to Couer d’Alene, Idaho, and smuggle over what they call “the good stuff” – non-green brand name products.
6:14 – All over California, classrooms have taken a severe hit because of the economic crisis. Because of this, the State Board of Education says that the schools will not be receiving any new textbooks until 2016 at the earliest. Students’ books will not have any references to President Obama, the mortgage crisis, the financial meltdown or climate change for at least six more years.
10:38 – With more people out of work, two professions are seeing a dramatic rise – DJs and stand-up comedians. Seth wants people to realize that DJing is not a real thing. Jah has pursued both of these professions, and can’t believe he pursued the two worst professions in the world.
13:33 – Mr. Skin, a website dedicated to every single nude scene in mainstream film/cinema. He has released his top 100 nude scenes of all time. Jah wonders if there was ever a situation in which Seth would beat off to a starlet, and he says never in a million years. The top five are: 5) Marisa Tomei in Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead; 4) Jessica Biel in Powder Blue; 3) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct; 2) Angelina Jolie in Gia; and 1) Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. After saying this one Jah thinks he might have beat off to that one.
26:01 – The Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (OCDF) held their annual conference last weekend in Minneapolis, featuring seminars and speakers.
1:25 – Back-to-school shopping is in full swing. Jah has been conversing with some listeners who were moving into their dorms for the first time. Seth says there are always battles between roommates as to who was going to bring the fridge and who was going to bring the microwave.
3:12 – In the upcoming fall TV preview of Entertainment Weekly. some of the magazines being mailed to New York and Los Angeles will include the first ever video player. It is a 2-inch screen that will play ads for Pepsi Max and the CBS new fall lineup.
6:55 – According to the Hygiene Council, these are the germiest spots in an average American home: 8) kitchen faucet, 7) baby changing table, 6) light switches, 5) microwave touch screen, 4) kitchen sponges, 3) pet food dish, 2) tub and shower, 1) TV remote control.
15:43 – On November 1, Philadelphia will become the first city in the country to ban cell phone use – including texting – while skateboarding, riding a bicycle or skating (inline or quad). They must use a hands-free device. A ticket will cost you $150.
24:30 – According to the ACLU and the Human Rights Watch, the following states have the highest level of corporal punishment for U.S. schoolchildren: 10) Missouri, 9) Florida, 8) Louisiana, 7) Oklahoma, 6) Tennessee, 5) Georgia, 4) Arkansas, 3) Alabama, 2) Mississippi, 1) Texas.
41:37 – A social media research firm took 2,000 tweets all in the English language over the span of 2 weeks, and found that 40.55% would go under the category of “Pointless Babble” posts.
47:41 – The Backstreet Boys have released a single from their new album called “This Is Us,” which drops on Oct. 6. They begin their tour on Oct. 30, sans Kevin.
49:29 – KISS will release their new album, “Sonic Boom,” also on Oct. 6. You have to go to Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club to buy it, because it will be sold there exclusively. While you’re at Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club, you can pick up the new Foreigner album “Can’t Slow Down” on Sept. 29.
56:47 – James Daniel of Indiana was arrested for setting up a meeting with a 13-year-old girl. He never fulfilled any of these fantasies but he was at the park with his condoms, etc. Police confiscated his computer, and in his subsequent trial they found out he was having explicit communication with another 13-year-old girl and another 15-year-old girl. It turned out that both of those were undercover police that did not know of the other two. He was having three different online relationships with undercover cops.
1:53 – Seth congratulates Green Bay, Wisc., which has their first black police officer in the 152-year history of their police force. There are 100,000 people living in Green Bay.
2:41 – Bob Dylan will be recording his Christmas album called Christmas In The Heart, with such songs as “Winter Wonderland” and “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Proceeds will go to the charity Feeding America.
3:51 – Bob Dylan has also been in talks with 2 major car companies for providing the voice for their GPS
10:28 – The Rolling Stones have been named the world’s most expensive wedding band. They will play anywhere in the world for $8.25 million. If you’re on a budget, you can get Lady GaGa or Katy Perry for $100,000
19:44 – The Marc Pease Experience is a feature film comedy starring Jason Schwartzman and Ben Stiller. It was released last Friday in 10 U.S. cities: San Francisco, Philadelphia, Miami, Chicago, Dallas, Cleveland, Minneapolis, Seattle, Sacramento and Boston. It made $3,000 in its opening weekend. Seth compares this to a Zyzzyx Road sitch (Episode 046, 39:02).
20:59 – Someone has hacked into the Sears.com website and managed to change info under the deparment store section under “Grills,” which had “Human Cooking” and grills for cooking babies and other body parts. Jah likes this because it’s cyber-graffiti, but Seth says swatting isn’t as harmless (Episode 097, 46:37).
23:05 – Scientists at the Brain Institute at the University of Utah altered a single gene in the brain of a female worm and were able to turn her into a lesbian worm.
33:43 – The 24th annual Imagen Awards were held in Los Angeles this week. This is an awards show that recognizes and celebrates film and television offerings that feature positive portrayals and uplifting portraits of both Latinos and the Latino culture. The award this year for Best Movie went to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
34:44 – 365Black.com is a McDonald’s website for blacks. Meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald’s. Quote from their press release: “Like the unique African Baobab Tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African American community, nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.”
42:14 – Starbucks has announced they will begin raising prices up to 30 cents on harder-to-make drinks while reducing prices on easier-to-make coffees up to 15 cents. This doesn’t help Jah because his drinks are wicked complicated – right now his drink is an iced grande soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. He has downsized (Episode 112, 27:19, Episode 003, 32:44). This works for Seth because a small black coffee will go from $1.60 to $1.45. The changes will roll out to all 11,800 Starbucks stores nationwide.
43:21 – Beloit College in Wisconsin has the Mindset List for the Class of 2013 (students who were born in 1991). In their lifetimes: Salsa has always outsold and been more popular than ketchup … Magic Johnson has always been HIV Positive … Tattoos have always been super chic and highly visible … Rap music has always been mainstream … Condoms have always been advertised on television … There’s always been a computer in the Oval Office … There’s always been blue Jell-O.
56:29 – There is a loophole in the law in Rhode Island where indoor prostitution is legal.
7:26 – The U.S. Forest Service has issued a warning to the public to be aware and extra vigilant while spending time in Colorado’s National Parks and Forests. The agency said that campers who eat “tortillas, drink Tecáte beer and play Spanish music could be armed marijuana growers.”
8:32 – There will be a Rambo 5. Rambo will fight his way through human traffickers and drug lords to rescue a young girl who’s been abducted near the U.S. – Mexico border.
10:39 – 37-year-old mailman James Stempnick was charged with delaying and stealing mail after federal agents recovered more than 20,000 pieces of mail from his suburban Detroit home. It was all over his house, garage and car.
24:25 – On January 29, 2038, the internal clock for Unix will turn over, and the operating system runs a lot of business computer databases. Those servers are going to overflow Y2K style and will flip over into all zeroes. Experts are divided on what will happen. They’re referring to it as Y2K38
27:58 – Seth refers to The Mark Pease Experience (Episode 181, 19:44), which is up to around $4,000 now. There was a movie released called The Open Road starring Justin Timberlake playing Jeff Bridges’ son. It opened in 14 theatres and made about $13,000.
31:58 – DePaul University in Chicago is offering a new class this semester that will focus on Twitter. The Journalism course is called “Digital Editing – From Breaking News to Tweets.”
40:48 – The Huffington Post had a column by Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships and she wrote about an ancient sex technique about avoiding the orgasm. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse, a.k.a. “slow boning.” Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. It is called angelic dual cultivation, or reserved embrace.
46:55 – Starbucks has some writing on their brand new cups: “We don’t just want to make your drink, we want to make your day.”
57:13 – The Honolulu City Council has been considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine or six months in jail for bus riders that are convicted of smelling badly. It would be “illegal to have an odor that disturbs others.”
1:01:26 – Boston Market has an ad campaign they’re doing now that says WE’RE HAPPY TO FRESHLY TOSS YOUR SALAD. JUST ASK. Jah knows it’s a gross sexual term but it’s so old that he’s forgotten what it is. He asks Seth if it gets done to him or if he does it to people. Seth cracks up because Jah faux-grabbed something in his nether regions when he asked the question.
3:38 – Police are trying to figure out what to do about 37-year-old Dave VonTesmar. He’s gotten 37 photo radar speeding tickets in Phoenix, Az., but he’s wearing a monkey face mask in all of the photographs. When he receives the picture of him running through the light he mails the ticket with his license and the picture saying PROVE IT’S ME. Vontesmar is a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.
7:21 – Hugh Hefner is finally divorcing his wife Kimberly Conrad and many of his assets have been put out in the open. He still earns an income from Playboy magazine - $29,000 a week. In his home in Holmby Hills, he has $306,548 in cash in the study. He has $36 million in stocks and bonds and $6 million in an unnamed joint account. … Seth wants to know if Playboy will die if Hefner dies or if it will go on. Jonathan says yes. He also wants to know if it will be drastically different or extreme. Jah talks about how Hef’s daughter started incorporating pussy lips when she took over (Episode 147, 53:02).
22:10 – A hot new trend with Christian couples is staying faithful online, sharing e-mail addresses and passwords for all online accounts. Jah’s down with it. It’s called Biblical Accountability.
34:58 – A new rehab facility called Restart is an internet addiction rehab.
46:05 – 365black.com (Episode 181, 34:44) has the McDonald’s DJ Flavor Battle going on. LA-based DJ Spinderella is repping the Big Mac, Brian Michael Cox of Houston and Miami is repping the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and Miami-based DJ Irie – the DJ of the Miami Heat and Jamie Foxx – is repping the Angus Third Pounder with Bacon and Cheese. Jah is going with Spinderella all day long.
47:02 – In Big Mac news, test markets are thoroughly enjoying the Big Mac Snack Wrap, which is a Big Mac burrito – essentially some beef, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a flour tortilla instead of a sesame seed bun (Cali style).
50:22 – The American Cinematheque is going to give a Lifetime Achievement Award to 38-year-old actor Matt Damon.
53:40 – Swine Flu is taking over college dorms and has started H1N1 Quarantine Dorms at Washington State, Alabama, Purdue and Emory.
56:07 – Parents at an elementary school in South Carolina have asked the school district to move up a bus stop that currently has kids getting on and off the bus in front of a registered sex offender’s house.
57:52 – Newsweek asked “Is This Baby Racist?” It profiles the book Nurture Shock which followed a multicultural school in San Diego. Out of 100 kids they gave 50 kids blue shirts and 50 kids red shirts. For 6 weeks they never said one word about the differences, the kids did everything – recess, homework, etc. When they split them up and gave them a questionnaire, the kids said that their own color was smarter and the other color was meaner.
2:47 – The Boston Phoenix has coined a new phrase called “retrosexuals” (Episode 087, 38:55), which is people going on to Facebook to find old boyfriends and girlfriends from high school and college to hook up again. It’s a mixture of both intense nostalgia and interest.
9:36 – 34-year-old Matthew Eaton and his 26-year-old wife, Laura, went on Dr. Phil last year, to talk about how they made a living of more than $100,000 a year by shoplifting and selling their stuff on the internet. A federal grand jury has recently indicted them after a prosecutor saw the episode and sent sheriffs to their home and found over 500 boxes of stolen merchandise.
16:20 – Deep in the Arizona desert, several dozen Buddhists are preparing to undergo a mind-altering, spiritual journey – 3 years, 3 months and 3 days of total and complete silence, with no word from the outside world. All the participants will cook for themselves in cabins equipped with kitchens and bathrooms. Each participant will need around $75,000 to build the cabin and pay for 3 years of food and supplies – lentils, rice, beans, potatoes, vegetables, solar panels and propane tanks. There will be a newlywed couple that will communicate only through gestures and facial expressions. They will not be able to have sex because it will drain their Prana.
22:23 – The citizens of Philadelphia have to return all their library books as soon as they can, no later than Thursday, Oct. 1. On Friday, Oct. 2, all public libraries in the city will be closed.
33:35 – Abercrombie & Fitch has sued Beyoncé, saying that her plan to sell a fragrance named after her alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, violates the teen clothing retailer’s trademark on their line of men’s fragrance called “Fierce.” A&F, since 2003, has held the trademark on the word “Fierce.” Jonathan has smelled the shit before (Episode 114, 48:35) and it’s not fierce at all.
39:17 – L.A. weatherman Fritz Coleman is a local celeb, stand-up comic and the mayor of Toluca Lake. Jah explains the phrase “Fritz said it would be like this,” (Episode 057, 43:57) which is what people said to each other when it started raining. A community college geography instructor, Melanie Renfrew, flooded Coleman with e-mails and rambling letters explaining her romantic interest in him, saying “God was talking to her.” She’s pleaded guilty to violating a restraining order that prohibited her from communicating with him. It gets thrown out if she leaves him alone for a year, but she won’t stop. Renfrew said in an e-mail to the Los Angeles Times: “Fritz Coleman’s charges against me are libel and slander. I could sue for millions and I’d win.” She said in a telephone interview that she started writing to Coleman because she thought his characterization of on-shore and off-shore air patterns during weather reports were wrong and she wanted to alert him to that: “I was called a criminal for being normal.” According to a court file, she invited him to an intimate Thanksgiving dinner, and that following Christmas told him, “You can come and camp in my backyard.”
42:46 – Skygazers all over the world were witnesses to a mysterious glowing nighttime show this week. It turns out it was Space Shuttle Discovery throwing out 10 days of astronaut urine and feces into the galaxy after undocking from the international space station. 150 pounds of the waste and water froze before solar heat melted it and it turned into vapor.
44:47 – Almost half of all college cafeterias in the U.S. have reduced food waste and cut water usage by eliminating cafeteria trays.
55:05 – The new BodyWorlds exhibit opened in Zurich this week. It’s called “Cycles of Life” and it has plastinated bodies in different poses and scenes. This time the bodies are all boning.
1:01:05 – The mayor of Clarksville, Tenn., Johnny Piper, has come under fire for forwarding an e-mail to all city employees telling them that they need to oppose postage stamps honoring 2 Islamic holidays ordered by Muslim president Barack Obama. The stamps have been around for 8 years. After Piper receives criticism, he says he has a lot of Muslim friends.
3:41 – Bed manufacturers have been appealing to men with upscale beds and mattresses. Some of them offer things like muscle recovery properties, as well as ones with built-in TVs, mini coolers, iPods and safes, etc.
6:39 – Shaheed Wright feared that police were closing in on him, so he hid bags of cocaine in his son’s jacket pockets. He told his son it was just candy, and when the 4-year-old got to his day care center in Newark, N.J., he began handing out this “candy” to his friends. The boy and 3 of his friends were rushed to the hospital after the teacher found one of the bags on the floor.
11:07 – A man in Utah, who police say posed as a licensed massage therapist, has been arrested for sexually assaulting 2 women. His name is Robert Battle. He was working at a fitness center where he was doing his own style of massage. He told one woman her body wasn’t really holding prior massage work, so he needed to do some “internal work,” and performed a vaginal massage. Another woman said Battle covered her with a sheet but had to remove it later on to get to a massage point by her vagina.
14:52 – The iCub is a small-sized humanoid robot about the size of a 3-1/2-year-old child, and he wants to party with Seth and fight Jonathan.
20:05 – Firefighters had to be called to the ER of a Newport Beach hospital to help save a man’s penis. It got stuck on the hole of a steel dumbbell. The man was apparently trying to enlarge the size of his penis, but it had swollen up in and around the dumbbell. He initially refused treatment. Firefighters told him that if they didn’t cut through the weight his penis would die. It took about 2 hours to cut it apart.
23:56 – Expert nautical deep-sea oceanographers have discovered a very new strange species of shark called the ghost shark. Discovered off the California coast, it has a sexual organ of some sort on its head that is a club with spikes that come out of it. It’s either to fuck the female or hold down the female it’s fucking. Jonathan thought a “ghost shark” was when you’re sharking somebody, you get right up to their face to nut and you bitch out and can’t do it (Episode 171, 57:26).
33:02 – Douglas Parks, a 50-year-old Postal Service supervisor, has admitted to taking 16,000 Best Buy Rewards certificates from a major distribution center and buying almost $200,000 in merchandise—including 7 37-inch LCD TVs and 37 iPods. A Massachusetts postal worker, Miles Weathers, has also admitted to stealing more than 3,000 Netflix DVDs from his local office.
48:58 – The mayor of a small town in South Carolina, Sally Peek, had to revoke an order she had given out to her police force earlier in the week after others had heard about it and reacted unfavorably. She had banned the town police officers from chasing suspects on foot. She asked for this to stop after a cop was hurt while running after a man with crack cocaine on him, fell down and hurt himself. She said a drug possession charge was not worth the cost to taxpayers in this economic time.
54:14 – Phoenix, Az., has been dubbed the Kidnapping Capital of America. More incidents than any city in the world outside of Mexico City – over 370 cases in 2008. A home invasion task force has been established to combat this. This scares Jonathan.
4:24 – Captain Sully was back in the cockpit for the first time since his Jan. 15 Miracle on the Hudson. It was the same flight, but this time it was from Charlotte to New York. He arrived 7 minutes earlier. Passengers, at least 2 who were on the original flight, erupted in cheering when they heard the announcement, “This is your captain, Chesley Sullenberger.”
8:03 – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah brings up the Breast Cancer Awareness Stamps, which claim to “stamp out cancer,” as opposed to Yoplait’s unfortunate slogan, “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09; Episode 085, 33:45; and Episode 157, 57:22).
15:55 – The Sex Degrees of Separation – when you’ve fucked someone, you’ve fucked everybody that they’ve fucked. You’re sleeping with their previous partners and the previous partners’ previous partners as well. If you were to take 6 generations of partners, you have slept with, on average, somewhere in the region of 2.8 million people, and a shitload of those were dudes.
26:03 – When is a person a person? Abortion foes, led by Colorado-based pro-life group called Personhood USA, have revived efforts to make life begin at the point of conception. Critics call it the “Egg-as-Person Movement.”
28:03 – Timothy Daniel Dolezal, 57, of Penndel, Penn., was arrested after police discovered he was sharing images of child pornography on various file sharing pedophile sites. Authorities went to his home with a search warrant when they calculated that he had over 1,000 dowloaded images and files. However when police arrived at his house he was also feverishly striking his computer with a metal bar.
30:12 – The Simmons Company, the maker of Seth’s Simmons BeautyRest California King mattress (Episode 120, 48:06)—the love of his life—have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The mattress allows Seth to replenish and restore. Jah declares that he’s going to buy a new mattress once he gets some money.
31:14 – Seth reads a clipping from the Los Angeles Times that he warns us is pretty crazy: “Former reality TV show contestant Brian Randone, 45, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to charges of torturing and killing his girlfriend, 31-year-old Felicia Tang Lee. Prosecutors allege that Randone, a Christian minister and contestant on the 2000 FOX television show, Sexiest Bachelor in America, tortured and suffocated Lee in the home they shared in the 500 block of W. Duarte Road in Monrovia. Lee was pronounced dead Sept. 11 after Randone called police to report that she was not breathing. Lee, a model and actress who has appeared in adult films, met Randone at a pool at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas six months ago.”
34:57 – Pittsburgh police unveiled a new weapon at the G20 protests. It’s called the LRAD, in essence a sound cannon that emits a fast, high-pitched alarm similar to a car alarm, but over 150 decibels. It mimics a gunshot next to your ear. It is the first time it’s been used in the United States to handle American citizens.
39:12 – Seth read an article about an apartment complex, the Villa Valentino, up by the Hollywood Bowl. Back in December of 2008 on a Friday night, the new owner calls everybody down to the courtyard and tells everyone about a gas leak. He says there’s moving fans coming in to take care of them. Finally somebody gets an official on the phone, and they claim they have no idea what they’re talking about. The owner had sold the apartments to some place that wanted to turn it into a boutique/hotel, so she made up the story so there would be voluntary evictions and once their shit was out, they were out. Seth compares it to the gas leak in Seth’s apartment in Episode 089, 23:16, except that one was real.
41:49 – Scientists have confirmed that the premier flu-fighting drug Tamiflu (Episode 105, 15:07), is contaminating rivers downstream from sewage treatment facilities. The source is urinary excretion by people taking the powerful medicine. Concerns are building that birds, who are natural influenza carriers, are being exposed to a waterborne Tamiflu residue, and then might develop and then spread potent, new drug-resistant strains of a higher power.
1:01:06 – Tufts University in Massachusetts has enacted a new policy in their campus dorm rooms banning any sexual activity while a roommate is in the same room.
3:05 – The AMA is considering taking white coats out of commission for good. One of the reasons is the fact that doctors are dirty people and don’t wash them and they’re covered in bacteria. There’s also a trend in younger doctors who claim “white coat hypertension,” which asserts that our heart rate and blood pressure go up when we see a doctor wearing one. In a survey, 76% of people said it does evoke trust and confidence in them. Only 10% of them like the idea of them being in scrubs, 9% in business attire, and 5% say casual clothing. Jah claims that the doctors in L.A. get super casual, not wearing anything underneath their scrubs, etc.
5:48 – Seth asks Jah if he tried out for the Hunky Santa auditions at the Beverly Center (Episode 145, 11:15).
9:23 – In an effort by undercover officers in Georgia to crack down on prostitution in local massage parlors, recent arrests have led to the arrest of one woman named Mi Suk Yang
9:43 – Kleenex has a new website, getmommed.com.
21:18 – Since the dawn of the human race, roughly 50,000 BC, the world’s population of homo sapiens has reached 6.8 billion people. We reached 6 billion in 1999. We will hit 7 billion by 2011.
36:14 – Paul Lyle has plead guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his job as a radio executive at American Media Investments. He did it to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. While awaiting his sentencing, he won $96,000 on a scratcher.
39:32 – According to specialized agents at the United Nations, there are 750,000 sexual predators constantly prowling the internet in a bid to get in contact with children.
44:45 – The Jet Propulsion Laboratory has recently downgraded the chances of Asteroid Apophis stroking the earth off on April 13, 2036. The odds were recently changed from a 1-in-45,000 chance to a 1-in-250,000 chance.
45:47 – A retired baseball player named Bernard Gilkey, 43, is best known for his brief appearance in the 1997 film Men In Black where he’s distracted by a spaceship at Shea Stadium and a baseball hits him in the head. He last played for the Arizona Diamondbacks in 1998, 1999 and 2000, before retiring in 2001. The league deferred huge amounts of money to the teams to allow them to upgrade players, etc. They had to start paying out monies owed to players, and began doing this in 2004. Gilkey received his first check in 2004 for $1 million and got checks of the same value through 2009, and will continue to get them through 2017.
50:23 – Transportation officials have deemed distracted driving a menace to society.
51:09 – Here are some sweet movies we can look forward to seeing: Asteroids, based on the 1979 Atari arcade game; Viewmaster, based on the toy that creates 3-D images in binoculars; Lego, the kids’ building blocks game; Battleship, Hasbro’s naval war game; Monopoly; Candy Land; and Ouija.
0:53 – In Texas there’s a PSA running called Drink Safe Texas: “How long does it take to spike a drink? You wanna see it again?” There’s a coaster they’re making where you take a dropper and put booze on it, and it tells you if there’s GHB or K in your drink.
5:25 – According to 17th century Archbishop of the Church of Ireland, James Usher, the world was created at nightfall on Oct. 23, 4004 BC. This Friday, creation is 6,012 years old.
7:09 – UYD college listeners are telling Jah that they have H1N1 and that LeBron James has it. Jah thought everyone was past it.
7:48 – Because of the H1N1, all waiting rooms are removing magazines, Catholic churches are not having chalice offerings and not giving any more sign of peace handshakes.
18:14 – Pennsylvania officials have arrested a man who used Facebook to ask his own daughter for sex. His name is John Forehand and he proposed meeting the girl for sex and explained graphic sex acts in detail, telling her “not many other fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience all these pleasures.” Police found him at the meeting place where he had asked his daughter to come. He had cameras and condoms
21:08 – As a result of the chilly weather, there is a shortage of pumpkin and pie filling because of the breakdown in bad weather and trucks not getting there. Shoppers are finding bare shelves. Although we may not have our pumpkins for Halloween, we should have them for Thanksgiving.
32:17 – 47-year-old Brian Johason of Chicago took his computer in to be fixed. Techs found a folder entitled “Sex With 12-year-old.”
37:53 – Many members of the Mormon faith are taking to heart a decades-old directive from leaders of the faith that they should be prepared for upcoming natural disasters by stockpiling at the very least one year’s worth of food, grains, pastas, potato flakes in bulk, canned fruits and vegetables. Jah isn’t totally opposed to that concept because people assume too much about their stability as a civilization sometimes.
39:35 – Angelo Crippa of Santa Barbara is an 82-year-old avid amateur mushroom hunter. He picked some mushrooms, but unfortunately they were a strain of Death Angel Mushrooms that looked almost identical to another form of edible mushrooms. He has a routine of sautéing them, offered them to his wife, then ate them. He said “Those were the best mushrooms I’ve ever eaten.” Angelo never woke up after he went to bed.
41:19 – New Scientist magazine has reported on new work being done to create a version of the coating that protects and nurtures the fetus while in the womb – Vernix caseosa. It’s an artificial mixture of baby butter, which can be used to hydrate or maintain pH balances, fight infections and protect skin exposed to light.
42:27 – A woman in Columbus, Ohio rented a limousine, rolled it up to a Burlington Coat Factory, told everyone in the store she won the lottery and to get anything they want. Everyone went buck wild and called everyone they knew to buy stuff, then she got in the limo and drove off – totally kidding. Then a full riot ensued. The only reason she got caught is because after she got dropped off she didn’t even pay the limo driver.
47:40 – There’s a dude who was putting on fake war medals saying he was in Afghanistan doing it for America. He was arrested and charged with stolen valor.
49:22 – There’s a growing trend by people in the running community to run barefoot. Seth read something that said “Your feet are in a prison – let them out.”
5:03 – Rumors in the parenting world are abuzz that screaming is the new spanking. Fewer and fewer parents are spanking their kids.
10:45 – The Blair LLC, a fine chenille women’s robe company, has had to recall several styles due to their tendency to light on fire when women are cooking.
41:54 – In an effort to force consumers toward buying more movies, major film studios are considering a new policy that make DVDs unavailable for rental until several weeks after going on sale.
50:13 – IwatchLA.org is a terrorist watch website started by the LAPD. If you see, hear or smell something suspicious, report it. It tells LA to narc out anything that might be terrorist, but just features testimonials of LA peeps.
51:39 – The Republican National Committee has unveiled their new website, GOP.com. Chairman Michael Steele said, “It’s not really a website, it’s a platform.” His blog on the website was called “What Up?” and now it’s called “Change The Game.” Steele also said “The internet’s been around a while now.”
55:57 – Seth read that in Huntsville, Ala., all the registered sex offenders must attend a mandatory meeting on Saturday night, Oct. 31, to be able to keep tabs on them while trick-or-treaters are out.
6:15 – Following rival CostCo, Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has begun selling caskets and urns on its website. Prices are lower than many funeral homes. Caskets ship within 48 hours. They range from the low-cost steel models, called “Mom Remembered” or “Dad Remembered” for about $1,000, to mid-range “Executive Privilege” caskets for about $1,700, to a bronze casket for $3,200.
9:53 – First DirecTV used in 2008 Craig T. Nelson to sell their programming package. The commercial showed a scene from the movie Poltergeist with Heather O’Rourke saying “They’re here.” She died at 12 years old. The new spots show David Spade in a wig playing his Tommy Boy character, and it features a dead Chris Farley.
14:42 – Twitter followers are going to engage in their very first “Twéance,” a séance using Twitter. A very famous medium will take Twitter questions for William Shakespeare, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain and Michael Jackson.
23:23 – BIG Cinemas, headquartered in Mumbai, India, currently has 18 movie theaters in the United States. They cater to the 2.5 million Indians living in the U.S., many in San Jose, Calif., and North Bergen, N.J. They serve Indian-esque concessions, including curry popcorn and mango lassis. A popular current film is the Tamil action thriller Aadhavan, starring hunk Surya Sivakumar, who is so popular that fans break out in applause when he appears on screen.
27:47 – According to a report by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, after surveying 7,000 people they’ve found that people who cheated on exams in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest as adults.
30:12 – Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been suspended and charged with animal cruelty. Four of the officers were in new and were in training to become canine handlers. The training officer was videotaped by the trainees masturbating his German Shepherd police dog. He was quoted as saying, “If you masturbate your canine unit, you will have greater control over it.”
34:53 – Jamie Aguirre, 42, was pulled over in Ohio for a routine traffic stop. When police looked in his car they found hundreds of x-rays. They found out that Aguirre is also a lab tech at a local imaging center and the x-rays were of womens’ mammograms and young girls’ knees and elbows. Police believe he was using the x-rays to masturbate to.
43:56 – Ohio officials were not having any luck with their new “Click It Or Ticket” slogan showing a driver and a passenger in the car with their seatbelts on. The state has a large Somalian refugee population and they didn’t understand the ticket because they have no government and the word “ticket” doesn’t mean anything. They altered the slogan with the Somali phrase underneath to try to convey the overall feeling and motivation of the ad. It now reads, “Strap It Or Lose Your Livestock.”
51:21 – Two Southern California high schools have been the first to draft dance contracts – binding agreements students must sign before they can step on the dance floor at high school dances. They state that there will be no sexually suggestive dancing – no freaking, no grinding, no straddling, no touching of the breasts and/or buttocks, no sexual bending, no cleavage exposure of undergarments and no excessive skin. If these rules are broken the students must leave and cannot attend future dances. “Freak patrols” will monitor the dancers and can even take pics and e-mail them to parents.
58:23 – Starbucks Via is a hit and is exceeding expectations, so they’re now going to introduce a decaffeinated version on November 17.
1:39 – Andre Agassi released an autobiography that has some curious details in it. He used crystal meth for about 1 ½ years in the late 90s. He went bald very young and his awesome hair was actually various hair pieces and wigs that he modeled together. He said he lost the 1990 French Open at the age of 20 because he was so preoccupied with the poorly glued hairpiece he and his brother made the night before. Before his marriage to Brooke Shields, she wanted him to lose some weight for the photos. For motivation, she put a picture of tennis player Steffi Graf on the refrigerator. Two years after he divorced Shields, he married Graf.
4:57 – According to Real Simple magazine, the number of days the flu virus can remain on a dollar bill is 17 days.
11:57 – A career clairvoyant with a sixth sense and a counseling background, Sue Frederick, a career intuitive and the author of I See Your Dream Job, available through St. Martin’s Press for $17, can predict your next career move and help you plan for it. A session with you will entail providing her with a birth name, DOB and current or most recent career title. She then meditates on these facts, has visions of the client’s possible career path and sometimes will have dreams where a client’s departed loved one will come and give her insight into what that living person’s new career should be. She’s helped an architect become a published author, a Wall Street banker start a food delivery business and a corporate lawyer switch to teaching.
14:08 – Two people, Keith King, 61, and Stacy King, 38, were arrested this week in Phoenix suspected of stealing more than 1,000 pieces of luggage from the baggage claim carousels at the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. Three weeks ago, police saw Keith King park his car, go into the ticketing area and take a bag that wasn’t his. He was released but police put him under surveillance. They followed him back to the airport, watched him take a back, followed him home and upon arriving one officer said, “The amount of luggage inside the residence was almost surreal.”
20:06 – Michelle Triola Marvin passed away this week. She was the ex-lover of Lee Marvin. They lived together and never got married, thus her lawyer added the phrase “palimony” into American culture when she filed a lawsuit for part of his estate. She was quoted during the trial, “If a man wants to leave his toothbrush at my house, he better bloody well marry me.”
23:31 – The Pentagon has teamed up with Taser International (Episode 075, 28:46; Episode 099, 28:07) to build a grenade launcher that would shoot electric shock projectiles from up to 150 feet away that could then incapacitate a perp for up to 3 minutes. It’s called the Hemi Human Electro Muscular Incapacitator.
39:05 – Analysis by Kayak.com, a leading travel search engine, says that the demand for plane tickets both on Sept. 11 and all Friday the 13ths is so low that prices are up to 14% lower on those days. This week there will be a Friday the 13th, so keep that in mind.
4:18 – Mangagement rings are being bought by women for their fiancés. They’re made of very masculine materials such as steel, tungsten and cobalt. They can cost anywhere from $300 to $1,000.
8:41 – According to a poll conducted by Consumer Reports, 36% of Americans plan on regifting this year as opposed to 31% in 2008 and 24% in 2007. Retailers are battling each other to attract limited dollars so we might have a “Cutthroat Christmas” with stores constantly trying to outdo each other.
9:58 – Wal-Marts are going to be keeping most of their U.S. locations open overnight on Thanksgiving. They’re going to stay open up to Black Friday morning to help ease the crowding and chaos that led to the trampling death of a store employee last year.
20:31 – Bullet makers are working around the clock seven days a week and still can’t keep up with the nation’s demand for ammunition. Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they’ve never seen anything like it. It’s called the Obama Effect. Gun enthusiasts have been stocking up on ammo, many of them 1,000 rounds per weapon. Many Wal-Marts are capping the sale to one box, which would be 50 rounds per customer.
23:54 – At any moment, about 20 million of the estimated 1 billion internet-connected PCs worldwide are infected with a virus so severe they can give hackers full control. Law enforcement officials in the U.S. are warning of cases where pedophiles deposit child porn videotapes on your home computer to remotely view later. Hackers can also make your computer itself view up to 40 child porn sites per minute.
28:43 – Arsenio Hall is denying rumors in the National Enquirer that he and Paula Abdul have rekindled their romance from 1989 and are seeing each other again. He claims they’re just very close friends. On this note Seth reads off other 1989 romances so we can imagine them together now at The Grove: Madonna & Sean Penn, George Clooney & Kelly Preston, Jennifer Gray & Johnny Depp and Corey Feldman & Drew Barrymore.
30:56 – Pam McLaurin, a 20-year veteran school teacher in East Texas, has refused to submit her fingerprints to be digitized and stored in a computer database, saying that she will have assumed what the book of Revelation calls “the mark of the beast.” She submitted verses from Rev. 13 and 14 that said she would be tormented with fire and sulphur in the presence of the holy angels and the lamb.
35:38 – Irene Villar is a 40-year-old literary agent who has just published a brutally frank new memoir called Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict. When she was 16 years old she met her first husband – a 50-year-old professor of Latin American Literature at Syracuse University. Over the course of their relationship, from age 16 to 33, she had 15 abortions.
52:55 – Starting this Wednesday, Best Buy will begin selling fitness equipment at 40 of its stores in the U.S. Said a spokesman, “We’re looking to find ways to fill the center of the store.” Seth assumes this is because there used to be enormous music sections, but not so much anymore.
55:56 – Jelly Belly Candy Company is recalling about 6,000 containers of its “49 Flavors” packages because they contain peanut butter flavored jelly beans, but the company didn’t list peanut butter or flour on the ingredients label.
1:25 – Final numbers were released by the USPS concerning the 2008 business year. Despite reducing the hours of over 40,000 postal workers, closing hundreds of outlets and eliminating many streetside mailboxes, they still managed to lose $3.8 billion - $1 billion more than the $2.8 billion they lost in 2007. 2009 looks to be the worst yet already at $1.77 billion.
5:14 – Farrah Fawcett’s will, dated August 2007. She’s left $4.5 million to her and Ryan O’Neal’s 24-year-old son, Redmond, who is currently living in a residential drug treatment center in Los Angeles. She left $100,000 to an ex-boyfriend and left nothing to Ryan O’Neal. Seth says this is what happens when you try to bone down with your daughter at Farrah’s funeral (Episode 178, 45:05). Jah recalls reading a term about them called “injustice collectors,” where great injustices were done to them throughout the course of their lives – because they always put themselves in situtations where that could happen.
8:00 – According to the last Rasmussen National Telephone Survey, 26% of employed adults polled said they have seriously considered that someone that they worked with was capable of mass violence. Seth wonders if he can use the phrase “go postal,” but Jah says not to do it unless you’re “a 40-year-old dong.” Jah says he sees someone daily who’s capable of mass violence.
21:06 – The Pontiac Silverdome in the suburbs of Detroit, Mich., has been out of use for a couple years now. It was the former home of the Lions and Pistons, was built in 1975 and cost $55 million. Elvis played there New Year’s Eve 1975. Led Zeppelin played for 76,000 people in April 1977. Wrestlemania III in March 1987 had 93,000 spectators. Pink Floyd performed Dark Side of the Moon there in its entirety in July 1994, and it was the first time they had played it since 1975. … It just sold to a Canadian real estate company for $583,000.
29:36 – Since 1954, letters from kids addressed to Santa Claus in the North Pole have been forwarded by the USPS to volunteers in the small Alaskan town of North Pole. Volunteers then reply to the letters signing them as Santa’s elves and helpers, as part of “Operation Santa.” This program has been stopped after a postal worker in Maryland discovered that one of the guys in the program was a registered sex offender. Jah thinks this might be one of the reasons the USPS is losing money.
38:35 – The sluttiest species in the Animal Kingdom: 1) The Garter Snakes – they form a giant writhing mass of up to 30,000 snakes in hopes that one of them close by will be female that they can bone down with; and 2) The Topi Antelope – female antelopes only breed one day per year, but on that day they will bone the entire dude with up to five other dudelopes.
41:08 – Larry Hagman and his wife Maj have listed their longtime mountaintop home in Ojai –a 43-acre spread befitting a Dallas oilman like J.R. Ewing – for $11 million. It’s a 9-bedroom, 14.5-bathroom Mediterranean style estate designed and built especially for the couple in 1992. It’s the country’s largest residential solar-power system, which provides energy for the main residents and caretaker’s home while also creating surplus power. When Hagman installed the system in 2003, his annual electric bill went from $37,000 a year to $13.
43:48 – In July 2008, the Apple Store carried 500 apps for the iPhone. In November of 2009, the store now has over 100,000. Seth thinks their manager Jordan has 21,000 apps. Jah thinks Dan of Kozy and Dan has the most of anyone he knows. Jah admits that the phone is so crafty, but if it were a better phone/texter he would be all over it. Although he is spooked out by so many people being on them and doing the same things at one time.
45:42 – Every website has a corresponding numerical address. The number of addresses is increasing at a number that noone was aware of, and it could run out of room by 2011. Decades ago when they had to come up with a figure of how many addresses they could need, they were throwing out arbitrary numbers like 4.3 billion, which was almost a joke, and now we’re almost there.
48:55 – The Oxford American Dictionary has named the word unfriend its 2009 Word of the Year: to remove someone as a friend on a social networking site. Other finalists for Word of the Year included intoxicated: when people are distracted by texting while driving; sexting, funemployed: people taking advantage of their newly unemployed status to have fun or pursue other interests; choice mom: a woman who chooses to be a single mother; ecotown: a town built and run on eco-friendly principles; deleb: a dead celebrity; tramp stamp; ARDY: the oldest known homynid discovered in Ethiopia in 1990 only announced this year; and teabagger: a person who protests Obama’s policies on taxes and stimuluses – a reference to the Boston Tea Party.
54:20 – 95 percent of Americans have received or bought gift cards. The Federal Reserve has proposed new rules that would help protect customers because as anyone has received one of these cards, concerns have been raised regarding a few things: expiration dates, service fees that reduce the value of the card, etc. One of the Fed’s new rules is that the gift cards wouldn’t expire until at least five years after the purchase date.
3:47 – According to the 2010 edition of the Farmer’s Almanac, there are roughly 670,000 U.S. houses that are without indoor plumbing. Jah compares this to Woodstock – not the one Seth was at (Episode 019, 6:00), which had about 2 million.
5:54 – Ball tapping is a disturbing new trend running rampant in Indiana schools. Ball tapping is the act of intentionally hitting or kicking a male in the genitals. A local TV station conducted a statewide survey of school nurses and the results are in that 43% of high school nurses from over 150 different schools surveyed said that they are keenly and intimately aware of ball tapping. Sixty-two percent of middle school nurses are aware of it. Jah hypothesizes that this is because your balls aren’t big enough to hurt in middle school.
8:28 – Jah understands that there are valid reasons for getting kicked in the balls, but kids today are doing it Jackass style and rupturing each other’s testicles.
19:42 – Los Angeles Clippers basketball announcer Ralph Lawler hasn’t missed a game in over 25 years until last week. He was suspended along with his partner/analyst Michael Smith, over an exchange they had at the very end of another embarrassing Clippers’ loss – this one to the Grizzlies in Memphis. Filling time in the final minute of the game, they began talking about 7-foot-2 Grizzlies’ center, Hamed Haddadi, the first Iranian in the NBA. The exchange: Smith: “Look who’s in.” Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?” Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation. Smith: “He’s the only one.” Lawler: “He’s from Iran?” Smith: “I guess so.” Lawler: “That Iran?” Smith: Yes. Lawler: “The real Iran?” Smith: “Yes.” Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi – that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.” Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?” Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.” Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.” Smith: “Especially the post players. Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”
21:35 – In a funny scheduling quirk, this weekend on the 29th the LA Clippers are going to host the Grizzlies at the Staples Center. Promoting Haddadi’s appearance throughout LA’s large Persian population with “Iranian Heritage Day,” which offers fans a chance to meet him before the game and get pictures and autographs of him. Jah thinks “KMIA” should stand for “Kiss My Iranian Ass.”
22:37 – Pamela Anderson told a British talk show host that she had to explain her and Tommy Lee’s sex tape to her two sons, Brandon (12) and Dylan (11), because she knew that their friends would watch the movie Borat when it came out on DVD in 2007. There’s a scene in the movie where Borat and some college dudes watch the tape together.
28:16 – A 39-year-old man was arrested at the Promenade at Westlake in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Jah has been there so much in hise life. He paid a local teenager $31 to spit in his face. He was charged with annoying a child. It’s a misdemeanor. He is apparently known to local teens as word has spread that “this guy will pay you to yell profanities and yell in his face.”
32:41 – Despite being more famous than any other judge at the criminal courthouse in Downtown LA, Judge Lance Ito’s courtroom is the hardest to find. Each courtroom is adorned with a placard at the door naming its presiding judge but Ito’s placard holder stays woefully empty. Since he became a household name more than a decade ago presiding over the O.J. Simpson murder trial, his placard has been stolen so many times that they don’t even replace it any more. Those looking for his courtroom now depend on the information officer in the lobby to get them there.
34:44 – A hot new trend is church crime. The Christian Security Network has tracked more than 1,000 “soft crimes” this year in nation’s unlocked churches.
43:41 – DNA Portraiting is a new technology where you can enter the world of unique personal art. 1) Order your complete DNA test kit, 2) Collect all cheek cell swabs, 3) Send them to the company, 4) Combine the entire family’s DNA into a single canvas, and 5) Hang it in your living room.
47:22 – Dimple surgery is hot. People are jealous of people with dimples, although dimples are a muscle defect. They can synthesize a kink like this with a “lunchtime procedure” taking 20 minutes or less. They cut the muscle inside the mouth, put in stitches, pull in the skin and twist it so it heals with dimples.
49:16 – Jackass 3 starts shooting early next year. It might be shot in 3D.
51:01 – According to the National Retail Federation, gift cards will again be the most requested present this holiday season. The most recent survey found that shoppers will spend on average $139.91 on gift cards, totaling about $23 billion.
1:28 – The Los Angeles Convention Center is hosting the L.A. Auto Show, where you can see the debuts of a lot of different automobiles. You can check out the Toyota Siena minivan, the Buick Regal sedan, the Ford Fiesta compact, the Hyundai Tucson SUV, the Kia Sorento and the Subaru Impreza Special Edition.
4:43 – 4,000 signatures were gathered in Denver, Colo., to place an initiative on the 2010 ballot to approve or deny a newly assembled extra terrestrial affairs commission. The job of the commission would be to “promote harmonious, peaceful, mutually respectful and beneficial coexistence between earthlings and possible space visitors.” It would be a seven-person panel.
5:50 – There was a slight mishap this season at the Beverly Center. They have a Hunky Santa and the Candy Cane girls he comes in toe with. Several hundred holiday shoppers watched in horror as one of the aerialists, suspended from the third level of the mall, fell to the floor with nothing to break her fall. She slipped while hanging upside down from a metal hoop and fell to the center of the mall. She broke her pelvis and her wrist. Seth says this occurred so close to the elevator he saw Tupac Shakur in (Episode 095, 23:25).
12:00 – Cosmopolitan magazine printed a handy guide for their female readers on how to avoid getting the swine flu. One of the things they suggest is reverse cowgirl as the safest sexual position because your nose and mouth will be furthest away from the sexual partner.
12:57 – The Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas cruise ship is crazy. It has 15 stories, a central park, a tattoo parlor, etc.
13:20 – Jah reveals that they tried to make a Little Amsterdam in Vegas, a gigantic project where prostitution and weed were going to be legal in a certain sector of the city.
13:47 – Some wrappers of Tootsie pops have “Indian stars,” images of a Native American child aiming a bow and arrow at a star. The urban legend was that if you got one of those wrappers, it was redeemable for free candy. Jah wonders if this is a “night latte” ruse (Episode 001, 42:38; Episode 025, 26:00).
19:50 – Schwan’s, a home service frozen food company that has been around for a very long time, got together with Top Chef and is now selling meals that the contestants cooked on the show. Jah wishes they’d get together with Iron Chef.
31:14 – Super Bowl XLIV is Feb. 7, 2010 at Dolphin Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fla. The Who will play at halftime.
37:45 – According to LiveScience.com, our brains appear to be shrinking. They have a 10-part series on the evolution and future of the human brain. Using comprehensive scans of the human genome and skull measurements over the last 5,000 years, researchers conclude that the human brain has shrunk about 10%. As to why it is shrinking, perhaps it is in big current society as opposed to hunter-gatherer lifestyles that we can rely on other people for things and maybe don’t need our brains as much as we used to.
39:44 – Paul Frommer, a linguistic specialist and professor at USC, created an entire functioning language for the tribe of 10-foot-tall blue aliens who inhabit Pandora in James Cameron’s Avatar. Frommer has spent years and wants to spend more laboring on the language of the Na’vi tribe, which has over 1,000 words plus rules and structures of the language. He hopes it will be learned by other fans and then spoken to be kept alive.
42:40 – 27-year-old Jason Zacchi pulled up to a drive-through of a Dearborn Heights, Mich., Wendy’s with a sawed-off shotgun. His girlfriend was driving the getaway car. Everyone was screaming, the manager comes over to hear the commotion and see what’s going on, shouts “What the hell are you doing?!” because it’s her son holding up the joint.
44:07 – The final statements of all 446 men and women executed in Texas revealed that the most-mentioned words were “Jesus” and “Mom,” (86 times), while “Dad” wasn’t really mentioned at all. “Warden” was used 74 times, “Pray” was used 80 times, “Kill” was used 69 times, “Life” was used 126 times, “The Lord” was used 130 times. The word “Love” was used most-often at 630 times.
50:22 – Candy Spelling, the widow of legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling, has had her home on the LA real estate market for the last eight months. It’s 56,500 square feet – the largest residence in the country. It’s listed at $150 million and is known as “The Manor” or “Candy Land” by others. It has a bowling alley, a flower-cutting room, gift-wrapping room, wine cellar, barber shop, koi ponds, tennis court, swimming pool, 100-car motor court. They don’t know how many rooms it has because no one’s actually counted but it’s at least 100. She downsized and bought the top two floors of a brand-new condo in Century City for $47 million.
52:50 – A man who claimed to hate Christmas shoved a Salvation Army bell ringer to the ground and swiped one of the charity’s red kettles stuffed with $100s of dollars. The bell ringer, a woman, tried to pull the kettle away from the man Saturday evening, but he said, “I can’t stand you and your bell ringing. I hate Christmas.” Police said the man tossed the kettle into a stolen pickup truck and then sped away. An empty kettle was found a day later. Police arrested Shawn Kreiger of Toledo a day later and charged him with robbery. They had not recovered the money, but the charity estimated it held between $500-700.
53:54 – Michael Plank, 40, was detained at LAX by U.S. Custom agents after they discovered 15 live lizards stuffed in his fanny pack. He was returning from Australia, where U.S. Fish and Wildlife service agents found two geckos, 11 skinks and 2 lizards strapped around in his torso.
56:41 – Many women in their 30s are paying up to $10,000 to have their eggs frozen while they are still vibrant and healthy. They are single and would like to have a biological child with a future mate.
8:13 – The Sun-Maid Raisin Girl has gotten a bit of a makeover for the new decade – like Denise Richards with a bonnet. Sun-Maid president Barry Kriebel said “The new girl might be given a name and even featured in future advertisements doing things that modern women typically do.”
17:11 – UYD often talks about the sexual politics between man and woman and how intricate that can be as that plays itself out in this modern world. In the midst of the Tiger Woods scandal, there’s a lot of talk about texting being “the new lipstick on the collar.” This can leave behind a “trail of cyber breadcrumbs.”
21:04 – John Gribbin’s book “Get A Grip on Physics” was ranked #396,224th on the Amazon charts last week. One day after appearing in photographs released by the Florida police in Tiger Woods’ Escalade, the book jumped to 2,268th.
26:32 – Extreme composting is a hot new trend for city dwellers. “Nutrient loopers” is also one of the terms being used. They use a bucket, put sawdust on it for smell, use no water, and within a year it is filled with fertilizer with nitrogen and no pathogens off of human waste.
29:38 – More than 350 U.S. colleges and universities have complete bans on tobacco use.
31:41 – Opening next summer in the Hollywood and Highland Shopping Complex, the next step in large-scale restaurant/nightclub destination venues: Rolling Stone.
34:31 – 57-year-old Jesus Leonardo is a “stooper,” someone who picks up discarded tickets at off-track betting parlors. Stoopers are the gleaners of the racetrack world because they date back to the early 1930s and are tolerated under unwritten code. He’s married and has two teenagers and says he’s made roughly over 45,000 over the last decade from picking up old discarded betting stubs.
44:14 – Seth heard a 911 call from a woman where her husband was at work and a lunatic was trying to break down her door. She was terrified and said “I have a shotgun. I don’t want to kill this guy. What do I do?” Dispatch told her she could kill him if she had to. She says “He’s about to come in.” Then goes, “Ma’am, I don’t want to kill him but I will kill him graveyard dead if I have to.” Then you just hear the shot and he’s dead.
47:36 – At Searchology, an event at Google headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., devoted to showing off advances, unveiled an app called “Skymap,” using a smart phone’s GPS capability, compass and accelerometer to draw real-time maps of the galaxy and stars and take into account exactly where the users are standing and what direction they’re facing. You can rotate the phone until a red target circle on the screen finds the constellation and locks it up.
49:37 – Fox News conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, drawing on his giant chalkboard, has been going on about an old right-wing battle – the cry of the “3G” system, “God, Gold and Guns.”
4:49 – Michelle Duggar (Episode 064, 27:10; Episode 117, 5:25; from TLC’s 18 Kids and Counting made it 19 and counting this week. Seth thinks that lower region of the human body can’t withstand that many kids. They say they’re going to continue to have kids as long as Michelle is willing to have them. Seth thinks they’ll top out at 24 kids.
7:34 – The Nobel Peace Prize concert was held in conjunction with Barack Obama receiving the award. Will and Jada Smith were the hosts. Toby Keith was one of the artists performing, but the committee was not down with him being there, citing his song “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue – Angry American.” During the concert, Will Smith was on stage singing “Rapper’s Delight” and having a great time. Kobe Teeth gets up there and tries to hang with Big Will, then throws in his own verse about “… I am lightning Will, and I’d like to say hello to the black, to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow!” As he says the word “yellow,” Kobe Teeth holds his hands up to his face and makes slanty eyes.
11:18 – Published on Nov. 1, 1998 by Angus J. Kennedy – “The Rough Guide to the Internet (You Need This Book)” says on the first page, “OK, what’s this internet good for?” The book then asks a few other questions: “Is there a lot of weird stuff on the net?” … “But isn’t it just another male-dominated bastion?” … “What’s electronic mail again?” … “So is this the information superhighway?”
13:57 – 17-year-old Martin Guerrero was arrested at his Dallas high school after his art teacher went over to check his desk and the art project he had been working on. When she got to his seat, he pulled up his shirt to show that he was feverishly masturbating. He then yelled “Aye, mami!” and proceeded to jerk off in front of 30 students.
15:41 – Barnes & Noble decided to shut down their small B. Dalton bookstores in Laredo, Texas next month. The city’s 253,000 residents will now have to drive 150 miles to the Barnes & Noble in San Antonio.
26:07 – TIME magazine’s Person of the Year is Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke, and Seth thinks that anyone associated with money should not deserve this honor, especially when someone named Sully Sullenberger did the most awesome thing ever on Jan. 15, 2009 by saving the lives of passengers on Flight 1549.
28:42 – Customized Christmas trees come in yellow, pink, orange, blue and purple colors. Jah wants a Rasta Christmas tree. He also wants an 8-tree menorah where you light a different one on fire for each day of Hannukah.
29:34 – The National Eye Institute says that nearsightedness in Americans has increased 66 percent since the 1970s. Optometrists believe the increased use of computers and cell phones and much more time indoors are the cause of this. Jah’s dad wears reading glasses and he wonders if he’ll need to do that eventually. Seth thinks Jah will have 20/20 vision forever.
32:37 – MTV has launched a new campaign to halt the spread of sexting called “The Thin Line.” It features a girl talking about how it’s not a big deal if her boyfriend loves her and keeps it on his phone. Then the phrase pops up, “There’s a thin line between him and the whole school.”
42:03 – According to the National Retail Federation, as of the first week of December, 42 million people have not even started their holiday shopping, while 20 million people had already finished.
43:31 – Is your doctor up to date? Every day brings new medical advances, breakthroughs and understandings that make doctors have to constantly read studies. Evidence-based medicine is the idea that doctors understand all the latest news and scientific research. A growing problem is older doctors only using their knowledge from medical school and mis-diagnosing things. Seth doesn’t have a doctor, and he might be the healthiest person Jonathan knows. The healthiest people he knows don’t go to doctors. Seth says Jah has a lot of doctors, and Jah tells him to stop doing that because it makes him sound crazy to listeners.
53:36 – Space tourism company Virgin Galactic has hired British synth pop group Spandau Ballet to be its on-ship entertainment when the company begins launching customers into sub-orbit in 2012. Spaceship II will achieve roughly 5 minutes of zero gravity. The spaceship will hold you, 2 pilots and the 5 members of the group. If Jah and Seth had this offered to them for free, Seth wouldn’t go – he would give his seat to a UYD listener in a raffle. Jah wonders why Seth wouldn’t do it because Seth rides on airplanes, but Seth says he doesn’t do it willingly.
11:44 – PepsiCo will not run any commercials during this year’s Super Bowl for the first time in 23 years. A 30-second spot this year will cost about $3 million. Jah thinks this is because they already jacked the president’s logo so maybe they don’t need to do this. He also wonders if there will be no Bud Bowl held this year.
30:12 – Last Friday, Tiger Woods appeared on the cover of the New York Post for the 20th consecutive day, beating out the previously longest running story on the front page: 9/11.Jah says the Tiger Woods thing is funny because it has a staying power to it unlike so many of these stories that have been coming up lately. It has a perfect storm, wildfire aspect to it. The people Jah talks to on a regular basis don’t give a shit about any of the other major news stories, and now they’re all chiming in on this one incident. Jah says most things mentioned on UYD don’t have any life to them, but this one does.
38:35 – A 23-year-old man who was selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door in the Winnetka, Los Angeles, area, has been arrested after he attacked and tried to sexually assault a woman who changed her mind about buying a magazine subscription. He’s being held on $5.6 million bail. He’s a Texas native who is part of a subscription crew from out of state. Such organizations have been drawing increased scrutiny from local LA police departments. At 11:30 a.m. he knocked on her door, she agreed to buy a magazine, when she went to get the money he waited on the sidewalk. When she returned she told him she changed her mind, he kicked down her door, forced his way into the home and beat her up. While trying to assault her, she fought him off before he eventually fled the home. Criminals are increasingly joining these crews so they can case neighborhoods and homes and pocket sales from the subscription sales.
41:24 – America’s Best Dance Crew judge Shane Sparks was arrested on suspicion of felony child molestation in Los Angeles this week. North Hollywood police have taken him into custody and charged him with multiple lewd acts on a child dating back to 1994, when the girl was 12 years old.
44:23 – Following Pontiac and Saturn, carmaker Saab is days away from shutting down. Aero Trucking shut down operations this week and didn’t tell their drivers they were being laid off. Instead they just canceled all the gas cards their long-haul drivers had, leaving 200 employees stranded all over the country. A message on Arrow’s website told truckers to turn in their rigs at the nearest dealer and to call a hotline to get a bus ticket back home.
54:29 – An internet security firm released the top search terms for kids in 2009. Tweens and teens searched these 5 the most: 1) YouTube, 2) Google, 3) Facebook, 4) Sex, and 5) Porn.
5:31 – According to the New York Post, two Washington Wizards basketball players, 27-year-old Gilbert Arenas, and 22-year-old Javaris Crittenton, pulled guns on each other in their locker room at the Verizon Center over a supposed gambling debt.
6:58 – The CDC is investigating a woman who was diagnosed with a rare gastrointestinal anthrax case. This may have occurred when she swallowed spores propelled into the air during a vigorous drum circle.
11:25 – There’s a rumor that the Avatar DVD release will contain an extended and detailed Na’vi sex scene. Jah hopes it’s Michele Rodriguez and Sigourney Weaver wearing a Stanford half-tank.
17:23 – PETA has named Tim Gunn and Ellen DeGeneres Man & Woman of the Year
18:39 – Construction continues at Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan at the new World Trade Center site. To accommodate all of the workers and to keep them from having to go down to street level to eat food, Subway has made a makeshift store in a huge shipping container that will now hang in the air, suspended from a giant crane, floor-by-floor as they work their way up the building, roughly 105 stories, by December 2011.
22:51 – New laws entering into the books: 1) In Illinois, drivers will no longer be able to text or e-mail while driving; 2) In Texas, teens will need two parents’ permissions for indoor tanning; 3) In California, it will be a misdemeanor for a person to sell or furnish products containing nitrous oxide to a minor.
28:00 – Police get a phone call at 4 a.m. about a loud radio being played at an apartment in Orange County. They send over a patrol car to the place of a man called Bayron Reyes Lopez, whose neighbors said he’s already jumped out of a third-story window to get away from police. He resurfaced a couple hours later, walked up to a woman walking her miniature schnauzer and picked it up and strangled and beat the dog in front of the woman. He then fled on foot to a nearby tennis club where he works as a maintenance man. Fellow employees said they saw him “run around naked.” When police got to the scene, he was lying on a tennis court pouring hot coffee over himself. One of the officers said, “He may have been under the influence of drugs.”
35:55 – Seth talked a lot of shit about Ben Bernanke being TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year (Episode 197, 26:07), but was also alterted by an astute young female listener that there are pictures of his office in the article, showing a mini fridge fully stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Mt. Dew, so hie is back in good graces with Seth.
36:49 – The Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet: “Resolutions are so 2009. We don’t do plain old resolutions here at Taco Bell. We do Frescolutions.”
40:25 – President Obama has signed an executive order that puts the USPS in charge of delivering whatever drugs America would need in case of a large-scale biological weapons attack.
48:12 – DirecTV is said to be announcing at next week’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas the very first 3DHD TV channel. They’re planning on bringing it out this year. It will require people to purchase a new 3D-compatible HDTV, 3D glasses and soon-to-be unveiled HDMI 1.4 adapters. DirecTV boxes will receive a firmware upgrade, so there’s no need to update them.
3:53 – Seth lists off the 2010 AVN Award nominees
9:51 – Brothel owner Bobbi Davis got a big go-ahead this week to hire male prostitutes at her Shady Lady Ranch. It will be Nevada’s very-first legal male sex outpost. Davis and her husband Jim operate their small brothel, which is about 150 miles northwest of Las Vegas, and have received over 100 applications. Heidi Fleiss’ Stud Far (Episode 039, 23:35) never opened in Pahrump, Nev., in 2005. George Flint, who is a longtime lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Association, yelled, “This is the first time in the history of the world that men have been licensed to sell sex. It’s never been done!”
17:26 – The Dallas Cowboys’ old stadium, Texas Stadium, which they used from 1971-2008 before moving into their billion-dollar palace, will be demolished sometime between March 14 and April 18 in Irving, Texas, outside of Dallas. Kraft Foods has paid the city of Irving $75,000 to be the official sponsor of the demolition, calling it the “Cheddar Explosion.” The winner of the Kid’s Essay contest, held by Kraft, will get to push the button to start the implosion. Seth wishes he could be the one to push the button.
18:55 – Frozen pizzas are selling at an all-time high in supermarkets. Market research firms say frozen pizza is a gold mine. We have generations that either don’t like to cook or can’t. They like to heat, then eat. The convenience, coupled with the low price, saw sales go from $3.1 billion in 2000 to $4.4 billion in 2009. The No. 1 seller is Kraft Foods’ DiGiorno’s.
24:29 – One of the questions on the United States Census, which will go out to Americans in March of 2010, is “What is person’s race?” You can check/mark one or more boxes. One of the boxes – White, another – American-Indian or Alaskan Native (Please specify tribe), or another that reads – Black, African-American or Negro.
32:27 – Starbucks has decided to add paninis and low-calorie snacks to their menu (Episode 111, 27:04). Baristas have been informed by bosses to start persuading all customers to buy some food along with their coffee.
35:52 – There is an article in this week’s food section of Newsweek that claims that eating meat has become all the rage with vegetarians. The latest cookbook by Mollie Katzen, has a recipe for beef stew. She was a vegetarian for 30 years but is eating meat again because everyone’s responding to the new breed of sustainably raised farm animals.
38:26 – LA Gang Tours – the ultimate urban experience. Opening this week, the tour gives tourist a two-hour ride for $65 per person into the cradle of America’s gang culture. Stops include LA County Jail, the LA Riverbed, Skid Row, Florence and Normandy,a nd the birthplaces of the Crips, Bloods and the Florencia 13.
50:37 – NBA Commissioner David Stern was taking a “wait and see” type attitude regarding reports of guns in the Washington Wizards locker room. Tensions were high with the team formerly known as the Bullets, as Gilbert Arenas finally admitted to, if not exactly pulling a gun on teammates, having four unloaded guns in his locker. As D.C. police began their investigation into the unlicensed or registered firearms, Arenas, before a game in Philly, pretended to shoot his teammates during warm-ups. This act prompted an immediate, indefinite suspension by Stern that will cost Arenas roughly $150,000 for each game he misses.
1:00:40 – Jah says he obsesses on dying, and talks about how we worry about dying alone. In sunny LA County, if you die with no heirs and no will, all your belongings will more than likely end up at the LA County Estate Auction in the City of Industry. Typically held on the second Saturday of the month in a 122,000 square foot warehouse, county employees and private auctioneers break open crates, divide up the contents and sell them all day. Proceeds pay for burial expenses and other costs. Whatever is left goes to the state of California.
1:28 – The National Institute of Health has a program for rare, impossible to diagnose medical mysteries. It’s called the “Undiagnosed Disease Program,” or UDP. The program accepts 5 patients a week, all expenses are covered, they are given a comprehensive battery of tests, while 62 experts from all disciplines of medicine hope of getting to the bottom of the mysteries.
8:41 – At the Adult Entertainment Expo held in Las Vegas in conjunction with the AVN Awards (Episode 200, 3:53) last weekend, Roxxxy, the world’s first sex robot, was unveiled. (Jah asks Seth if he would hit it; Seth says no but Jah says yes.) Created by a former artificial intelligence scientist at Dell Labs, in response to losing a friend in Tower 1 of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Roxxxy is 5’7”, 120 pounds, took nine years to complete and will cost roughly $9,000 plus a subscription fee – because you’re getting 24/7, 365 tech service. You fill out an online form to match your personality to hers – that becomes her true personality. If you want to mix it up on weekends, she can be programmed with five other types. All speak differently in voice and have different vocabularies – S&M Susan, Wild Wendy, Mature Martha, Frigid Farrah, and a spunky 18-year-old. By touching her hand she responds. You can control the volume of her voice. She’s completely customized with full artificial intelligence. You order her hair color, skin tone, bust size – she’s a “dream companion with a dream personality.” From the man that designed her: “She has three inputs, if you know what I mean.” You can share her with other guys on the online community that have their own dolls, then ship them to one another and fuck them. The next version will contain a safe word (“marshmallow”). Also available is the male verson, Rocky.
17:37 – A Beverly Hills company is building a $1 billion cruise ship called The Utopia. It will sell half of the cabins as permanent residencies. They will cost anywhere between $4 million and $26 million. The ship will sail around the world and will drop anchor in south France during the Cannes Film Festival, in Rio De Janeiro during Carnivale, in Sydney Harbor, Australia for New Year’s and Monaco for the Grand Prix car race. The cabins, or condos, will have hardwood floors, fireplaces, marble countertops, recessed lighting, and all the owners will have access to all the ship’s amenities.
21:55 – Police across Southern California are warning people about “follow away burglaries.” They’re burglaries that occur when thieves stake out an Apple Store, wait for people to buy a new computer and then follow you home.
48:31 – Regina Benjamin was named the 18th Surgeon General. She’s just a smalltown doctor from Alabama. The concern is that she’s overweight in these health-conscious times. Because of her appointment she’s now wearing a naval L. Ron Hubbard jacket.
1:00:37 – Republican S.C. congressman J. Gresham Barrett announced he will introduce legislation that would require the immediate deportation of all Iranians living in the United States. It would affect more than 1 million Iranians.
1:07 – TYCO bought Brinks, which is now Broadview, but TYCO owns ADT – so is Broadview now ADT?
7:54 – A Michigan defense contractor has been stamping references to Bible verses on combat rifle sights used by American soldiers in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The company says it has been a longstanding company practice to embed the scripture citations next to the model’s number. They are subtle and appear in raised lettering at the end of the model number. For example, Model #JN812, a reference to John 8:12, reads, “I am the light of the world.”
24:13 – The Chubb Group Insurance Co., based in Warren, N.J., is the world’s third-largest underwriter of a burgeoning new market in the insurance game – K&R insurance (Kidnapping and Ransom). Hundreds of Americans are kidnapped each year while traveling this fucked-up world. Premiums can run into the thousands – even a low-end policy, which would pay up to $1 million – can cost someone $1,000 a year. If anything was to happen, the Chubb Group would send out a K&R consultant, who would be dispatched in the event of a kidnapping to do full security detail, negotiate with kidnappers if need be and deliver the ransom. Hotspots (or places you should avoid) are Brazil, Mexico, India, the Phillippines, Venezuela
36:03 – The All-American Basketball Alliance would like to start its inaugural season this summer with a 12-team lineup composed of white, American-born men – natural-born U.S. citizens with both parents of Caucasian race. The league hopes to have 12 teams in Southern cities. Their commissioner said they wouldn’t play “street ball” of people of color. He said, “Fans don’t want to worry about players attacking them in the stands and grabbing their crotches.”
39:23 – The Advocate – the nation’s oldest LGBT publication – has named Atlanta the country’s gayest city.
41:44 – The top 5 most stolen cars of 2009: 5) ’04 Dodge Ram pickup – 17,405; 4) ’97 Ford F-150 pickup – 17,416; 3) ’89 Toyota Camry – 26,000; 2) ’95 Honda Civic – 48,000; 1) ’94 Honda Accord – 55,170.
49:23 – Communist China’s state-run movie distributor, China Film Group, unexpectedly began pulling Avatar from over 1,600 2D screens and replacing it with a biography of ancient philosopher Confucius. Propaganda officials are concerned that Avatar is taking too much market share from Chinese films and drawing unwanted attention to the concept of forced evictions. Apparently millions of Chinese have been uprooted to make way for high rises and government projects. In Avatar, human colonists try to demolish the village of an alien race to obtain a precious energy source buried under it.
52:29 – Chrysler spent $100,000 to take a full-page ad out in the Wall Street Journal to thank the American taxpayer for the government bailout of the U.S. auto industry. The printed ad statement reads: THANK YOU AMERICA FOR INVESTING IN THE COMPANY WITH A LOAN OF $4 BILLION TO HELP BRIDGE THE CURRENT FINANCIAL CRISIS. The photo says “Thank you America” with smiling Chrysler employees.
3:26 – Candeo: Hope, Help, Heal – to overcome porn addiction, sex addiction and masturbation addiction. For anyone struggling with PA or MA, Candeo can provide powerful, anonymous online training program to help individuals recover.
6:40 – When Joz Wang and her brother bought their mom a Nikon Coolpix S360 digital camera with face detection intelligent technology for Mother’s Day last year, they discovered what seemed to be a malfunction in the camera. Every time they took a photograph of each other smiling, a message flashed across the screen asking, DID SOMEONE BLINK? They hadn’t. Her brother then posed with his eyes super wide open, or bug eyed, and the message then stopped. The camera, made by a Japanese company, can’t recognize Asian eyes.
22:47 – The old animatronic King Kong at Universal Studios burned down in a fire almost two years ago. Peter Jackson has led a team of digital experts to create a new theme park attraction that will open this summer and feature the next generation of King Kong in full 3D. He’ll jump over the guests at the backlot tour and you’ll smell his banana breath.
30:12 – Blippy.com is a website that discusses “What are your friends buying?” They’re calling it the Twitter of personal finance. You allow all your credit and debit purchases to be immediately posted on the site – where and what and how much you spent will go up. You can sign up for an invitation on the site and it will open up within the next couple months.
36:11 – Researchers at UC-San Diego have developed a baby robot named Diego San. It’s a robot with a tiny metal body and a gigantic baby doll’s head.
37:23 – The BK Whopper Bar in South Beach will open up mid-February and will be the first major fast food company to sell beer at its location. $7.99 will get you a Bud or a Bud Light and a Whopper.
47:16 – Seth refers to an article in the Los Angeles Times from December 2004 about a home developer in Huntington Beach who had a new set of model homes with a Mediterranean theme and they needed a name for it – they named it Alcala, which is a bustling university town in Madrid. Before people moved into the model home, there was a break-in and the police officer went out there and saw the street, Alcala Drive. He had been a cop there forever, and 25 years ago a girl close to there was kidnapped and murdered, and the man who was accused was Rodney Alcala. The developers changed the name. This creepy dude who is still on trial for kidnapping and rape, was featured in the LA Weekly this week from when he was on The Dating Game in 1978 before she was kidnapped in 1979. He was Bachelor #1 and the lady picked him, but he was too creepy for her to actually go out with. She asked him, “Bachelor #1, what’s the best time of day?” Answer: “Nighttime is the best time.” Question: “I’m a drama teacher. You’re a dirty old man. Talk to me like a dirty old man.” Answer: “Come over here and take it. Take it.” Q: “I’m serving you for dinner. What are you?” A: “I’m a banana and I look good. Come and peel me.” She goes, “Well I love bananas, I’ll take Bachelor #1.”
53:01 – There is a second pregnant dude, Scott Moore. The first was Thomas Beatie (Episode 110, 22:08). Scott still looks like a dude but has female parts. Scott’s partner, Thomas (unrelated), got the complete sex change. Scott’s baby boy is going to be Miles. He’s going to join his two brothers, 10-year-old Logan and 12-year-old Greg, the sons of Thomas from a previous relationship when he was a dude from a woman who has since passed away.
2:58 – Cablevision, a company that bought Long Island newspaper Newsday in 2008. They began charging $5 per week after buying the newspaper for access to the newspaper’s website, newsday.com. That comes out to $260 per year. The number of new subscribers since October is 35.
13:17 – The NKOTB second annual Carnival Cruise will set sail from Miami to the Bahamas from May 14-17. Price per person ranges from $849/person to $2,400/person. All cruise passengers will receive a NKOTB Welcome Cocktail Party, concert performance on the Lido Deck, photo session, Q&A, deck party with DJs, beach party with DJs, karaoke and gift bag. Over 2,000 people will be on board.
15:56 – Crazy Super Bowl prop bets: an entire section dedicated to Kim Kardashian – how many times will CBS show her in the telecast? Over/under is 2.5. … If the Saints to win, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian will be engaged by July 31. … What color top will she be wearing – white, black or another color? … The Kardashian Prop is Reggie Bush’s total rushing yards vs. Lamar Odom’s (Khloe’s husband) combined points, rebounds and assists during the Lakers’ two games before and after the Super Bowl.
26:06 – PETA wants to replace Punxatawney Phil with an electric groundhog.
50:14 – The nation’s two biggest lotteries – Powerball and Mega Millions have added new states into the mix – moving the U.S. one step closer to having a national lottery. Powerball is in 43 states; Mega Millions is in 45 states. The biggest Mega Millions drawing took place on March 6, 2007. There was one ticket winner sold in New Jersey and one sold in Georgia – the jackpot was $390 million. The biggest Powerball occurred on Feb. 18, 2006. Only one ticket was sold but it was split between 8 co-workers at a Nebraska meat processing plant. The 8 co-workers split $365 million.
52:30 – Expedia.com has teamed up with seatguru.com – part of the TripAdvisor media network – to offer internet reviews of specific airline seats that customers are thinking about booking. The service will survey travelers on such considerations as leg room, seat recline, noise level, etc. One review warned against taking any of the 6 seats in Row 26 of the Airbus A320, saying that the proximity to the bathroom was bothersome and unacceptable. Meanwhile, the seats on Row 11 have extra leg room due to an adjacent emergency exit.
55:01 – failin.gs is a website in beta that uses the motto “Don’t worry, nobody’s perfect.” If you ever want to know what people really think about you, create a profile and invite anyone to leave anonymous, constructive criticism for you.
1:28 – Precycling is reducing waste by limiting your consumption – being thoughtful at both the point of purchase and point of refuse
7:05 – Walgreen’s plans to begin offering fresh foods and prepared meals at its more than 7,000 stores. The drug store chain wants to create branded products for what they call “tonight’s meal” to draw in time-starved shoppers.
11:22 – Jimi Hendrix released only 3 studio albums before his death in 1970. On March 9, Sony Music and the Jimi Hendrix Estate – named “Experience Hendrix,” based in Seattle and worth around $80 million – will release a new Hendrix album called Valleys of Neptune. It will feature a dozen unreleased recordings that Hendrix was working on or had completed by the end of his life.
16:40 – Therapists are reporting a rise in domestic disputes over environmental issues. Going green is causing some couples to go eco insane. The problem usually arises from a disparity level in the commitment between the couples going green.
19:51 – Los Angeles County’s 5-year-old “Gifts for Guns” weapon exchange program collected 5,337 guns in 2009, including 144 assault-style rifles. The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department handed out half a million gift cards to Ralph’s and Target. One man rolled up to an exchange in Compton in a SUV. He was dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans and handed over 58 guns. He brushed off a Los Angeles Times reporter, collected several thousand dollars in gift cards and peaced out.
23:09 – Seth reads some court documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Nov. 8, 1996: The PLAINTIFF Catherine Sheehan vs. The DEFENDANT Jack Nicholson. All events herein described occurred on Oct. 12, 1996 at the residence of Mr. Nicholson on Mulholland Drive. At or about 3 a.m. during a telephone conversation Mr. Nicholson invited PLAINTIFF to his residence. At or about 4 a.m. PLAINTIFF telephoned Nicholson, inquired whether she could bring along a woman friend when she came to the residence. During this telephone call, Nicholson, having told PLAINTIFF that she could bring along her friend, informed PLAINTIFF that he wanted them to wear little black dresses with no stockings. Having donned the requested black dresses, PLAINTIFF and her friend drove to the residence, calling Nicholson from the vehicle to inform him they were on their way. When they arrived at the residence, PLAINTIFF and her friend were greeted at the door by Nicholson, who after offering them a drink invited PLAINTIFF and her friend upstairs to the bedroom. At or about this time, PLAINTIFF confirmed with Nicholson that both she and her friend would receive the sum of $1,000 each for the performance of sexual acts with Nicholson. Nicholson reaffirmed this agreement to pay each of the women the said sum and indicated that he would “take care of it later.” At said residence, PLAINTIFF and PLAINTIFF’s friend did perform sexual acts with Nicholson. At some point in time during the course of sexual acts between Nicholson and PLAINTIFF, PLAINTIFF’s friend left the bedroom. At or about 7 a.m., PLAINTIFF, observing that Nicholson was fatigued, asked him to “take care of her and her friend” as promised and give them the agreed-upon amount of $1,000 each. In response to PLAINTIFF’s request, Nicholson became loud and abusive, demanding to know what the fuck PLAINTIFF was talking about, stating that he had never paid anyone for sex as he could get anyone he wanted as a sexual partner. PLAINTIFF informed Nicholson that she knew he had paid others to perform sexual acts with him and attempted to use the telephone to request help from a friend who was acquainted with Nicholson. At this point Nicholson became increasingly angry. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone, Nicholson pushed and attempted to grab PLAINTIFF, and his voice became increasingly raised and his demeanor more and more violent. This frightened PLAINTIFF. Believing that having the mutual acquaintance speak to him would calm Nicholson, PLAINTIFF did manage to make the telephone call when Nicholson was distracted by the return of the other woman who had stepped out of the bedroom. After explaining to the individual whose number she had called that Nicholson was refusing to pay her the promised sum of money and was becoming enraged, PLAINTIFF was told by the individual on the phone to leave the residence immediately. Nicholson then demanded that PLAINTIFF empty her purse. PLAINTIFF did so, allowing Nicholson to determine that she had not taken any of his possessions. PLAINTIFF, fearful of harm to herself, continued on her way to the exit, intending to leave as soon as possible. PLAINTIFF implored Nicholson to remain calm. Nicholson then forcefully grabbed PLAINTIFF by the hair and violently pounded her head several times on the floor. Nicholson released PLAINTIFF and as she once again attempted to calm him and leave as quickly as possible, he pushed PLAINTIFF down a flight of stairs. Nicholson then demanded that the other woman empty her purse, and after she had done so, PLAINTIFF asked the other woman to put on her clothes so they could leave immediately. In an attempt to get away from Nicholson, PLAINTIFF walked away; however, Nicholson went after her, yelling and screaming at PLAINTIFF to leave. He grabbed her again, repeatedly hit and struck her above the head and torso and physically shoved her in a chair. PLAINTIFF, terrified for her physical safety and unable to leave as her friend remained in a state of undressed, reached for a telephone to call for help. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone to call police, Nicholson threatened PLAINTIFF with a raised arm and clenched fist. He was enraged and yelled that he would give the PLAINTIFF a reason to call the police. Nicholson further threatened to throw the PLAINTIFF over Mulholland Drive and then told PLAINTIFF he would call the police himself. These threats terrified PLAINTIFF, who feared even more physical violence upon her person by Nicholson. PLAINTIFF, frightened and in physical pain, pleaded with Nicholson to let her leave. In answer to her plea, Nicholson physically took hold of the PLAINTIFF and violently threw her out of his residence. PLAINTIFF’s friend was still at the door, asking Nicholson to allow her to retrieve her personal items that she had left at the residence. In an attempt to quickly depart, PLAINTIFF went up to the door and asked her friend to please give her the keys to the vehicle so that she could use the car phone. At or about this time, Nicholson rushed out of the residence and physically and violently lifted PLAINTIFF’s person off the ground. Nicholson flung PLAINTIFF about, stating that he would kill PLAINTIFF and cause PLAINTIFF to suffer grievous bodily harm.
32:19 – Jason Alexander, who was the spokesman for KFC, is now the new spokesman for Jenny Craig. He said he watched himself in a recent Curb Your Enthusiasm episode and he hated what he saw: “I looked at myself playing a character that I started playing 20 years ago. And yes, he has aged, but what was disturbing was he was no longer in a body that I cared to recognize.”
39:12 – It may be the last word in Spelling Bees and Scrabble, but Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary now faces a new, if unlikely, notoriety – being too sexy for its own good. This was the verdict of at least one parent in Menifee, Calif., last week, who called the principal of Oak Meadows Elementary School to say that the entries describing oral sex in the dictionary were too explicit. The books were then pulled off the shelves and housed temporarily off location. “The dictionaries have not been banned,” said Betti Cadmus, a spokesman for the school district in the conservative southwest Riverside County on Monday, “but there was growing concern by parents that some of the words are not age-appropriate.” A panel of parents, teachers and administrators will meet later this week to comb the dictionary for potentially graphic words or definitions and issue a report within a month.
42:05 – Christopher Scolese, NASA’s acting administrator, told U.S. government officials that NASA is discovering that many parts installed on their spacecraft are counterfeit. They’re not finding this out until the parts have been fully installed and the rocket is ready to be launched or even worse until the parts malfunction in space.
44:23 – A former student returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago to a high school librarian in Phoenix. The money order was sent anonymously with $1,000 in it, but it was to cover fines of 2 cents a day.
46:18 – The Amish, who number around 230,000 – mostly in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana – have the hottest thing in Christian fiction right now: Bonnet Books. It’s a lucrative genre. They chronicle the lives and loves of chased American Amish.
48:35 – A Jewish teen trying to pray on a New York to Kentucky flight caused a scare when he pulled out a set of small boxes containing holy scrolls, leading to the captain diverting the plain to Philadelphia, where police, bomb-sniffing dogs and federal agents were waiting. The 17-year-old on US Airways Express Flight 3079 was using Tefillin, a set of small boxes containing biblical passages that are attached to leather straps. When used in prayer, one box is strapped to the arm and the other box is placed on the head. The teen explained the ritual to the crew, but the crew did not receive a clear response when they talked to him and in the interest of everyone’s safety decided to land in Philadelphia.
1:00:33 – A Newsweek article talks about “preppers” – normal people with end-of-the-world survivalist tendencies.
1:42 – A judge with the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission says the rights of Josue Brissot, a Rastafarian baggage screener at Boston’s Logan International Airport, were violated when he was threatened with firing unless he cut his long dreadlocks that he claims he maintains for religious reasons. Marcia says she just left Logan today. She wonders what “rastafani” is – she thought it was something Jah made up when he was in high school.
3:13 – Several major food companies got together to create a new service for American consumers called “Smart Choices.” Food products with the green check gives consumers a fast and easy way to purchase healthy food for their family. But many nutritional advocate groups say this is a scam. The list includes Froot Loops, Lucky Charms and Coco Krispies. Marcia wants to know what happened to good old-fashioned oatmeal?
7:37 – Men’s Health magazine has chosen for the third straight year the country’s worst pizza – it’s the Uno Chicago Grill Classic Deep Dish Individual Pizza. It has 2,300 calories, 165 grams of fat, 5,000 milligrams of sodium and 120 grams of carbs. It’s like 27 tiny bags of Lay’s Potato Chips.
15:10 – Starting in January, McDonald’s plans to offer a $1 breakfast menu across the country. It will include the following items: Sausage McMuffin, Sausage Biscuit, Sausage Burrito, Hash Brown and a 12-oz coffee.
16:09 – McDonald’s will also lift its $2.95 fee for two free hours of Wi-Fi at 11,000 of their stores next month and will offer free Wi-Fi access with no time limit. Marcia wonders if people actually use that, and Seth confirms that pedophiles use that by stealing laptops from tweens and overrunning 11,000 McDonald’s come January.
17:00 – Hotline Homecoming – Responding to complaints from customers, many US customers are putting their call centers back in America for a fee. Marcia says she might pay a fee to speak to someone who speaks English.
19:24 – Pregnant high school athletes – should they be sidelined?
21:30 – The Samer Theory – radiation from microwaves, telecommunications, remote controls, cell phones, etc., are slowly cooking our brains and making us crazy. Marcia agrees that this is correct because everyone is crazy. And she thinks everyone drinks way too much caffeine without even thinking about it and drives 100 miles an hour on the 101 Freeway. Marcia drinks decaf coffee for the taste. Her on caffeine with 3-year-olds would not work.
26:42 – Seth recalls that soldiers and troops have to use crazy shit because they don’t have all the accessories they need – To check for tripwires while out on a mission, families were sending silly string so they could spray it and see where it landed (Episode 041, 31:53 and Episode 087, 19:20). … Also, swallowing chewing tobacco kills worms in your stomach. … Tampons plug up bullet wounds … Wrap people with saran wrap for punctured chests … Vaseline on your mouth so when you take a shower the water won’t get into it … tape on your bed with the sticky side up so that insects will get stuck on it and not be able to make their way up to you. … Putting your socks over your pants and your boots so scorpions can’t get in your business. Seth wonders how long he would last in Fallujah, and Marcia thinks he wouldn’t even make it on the plane ride over there.
28:42 – The Pickle Guys $0.75 Store is the last pickle outlet left on Manhattan’s Lower East Side now that Gus – an institution since 1920, has moved its red barrels of 50-cent pickles to Brooklyn.
31:25 – The Lawry Chain of high-end steakhouses must pay more than $1 million to settle a federal discrimination lawsuit contending that for several decades it hired only women, no men as servers.
34:27 – Ladybugs have been showing up in greater numbers in wine vineyards. Sometimes more often as of late they attach to harvested grapes and are being mixed into fermenting grape juice by accident. As a defense mechanism they release a chemical that is foul-smelling and is detected in even tiny amounts by humans. The green bell pepper smell is increasingly being found in wines. It is being called “Ladybug Taint.” … Marcia at 35:08 – “Yeah well that’s true because if you’ve ever let a ladybug sit on your hand they always leave a brown spot when they walk away. … I don’t know, it must be that taint stuff.”
39:40 – Seth wonders how long Marcia would last in a women’s prison. She doesn’t think very long. These are what hardened convict female criminals are using on lockdown to beautify themselves: Ink from pens for eyeliner, glitter from greeting cards to sprinkle on their faces, Crystal Light for blush, coffee grounds for eye shadow, crushed Skittles for color and shading.
44:01 – Dearborn, Michigan has close to 500,000 Arabs – the largest concentration of people outside of the Middle East. A new Wal-Mart has opened a 200,000-square-foot Super Center with 550 specialty items for them.
48:45 – The number of Americans using Twitter dropped 8% from September to October – it’s the second monthly decline this year. Marcia: “But who cares what Ashton Kutcher’s doing?”
50:23 – More and more service animals are not of the norm. A lot of people are using monkeys, parrots, etc. There’s a woman in Fort Worth, Texas, who has a seeing eye horse. She walks it through the drive-thru at Dairy Queen and gets her ice cream.
13:07 – As of Sept. 1, the U.S. military mission in Iraq will get a new name. Operation Iraqi Freedom becomes Operation New Dawn. Defense secretary Robert Gates said the name change will signal American forces have a new mission there.
16:16 – Little Brownie Bakers of Kentucky, who makes the Lemon Chalet Crème cookies, said there’s been a problem with them and a breakdown in the oils, making foul odors emanate from the box.
18:41 – Burger King, the nation’s No. 2 burger king, is launching a massive new coffee line, introducing Starbucks Corporation’s Seattle’s Best Coffee this summer at all of their 7,000 stores. Drinks will range from $1 to $2.79 and be sold all day. Five years ago BK launched its BK Joe coffee brand, which will now be retired.
25:53 – Due to a provision placed inside of the new credit card bill, you can now legally carry a firearm in 373 of 392 national parks. A ban had been in place for the last 94 years, but now you can carry a loaded weapon. 30 parks are in more than one state so you’ll have to know what and where the state lines are because you’ll be subject to gun laws of each state.
29:20 – The #2 rental chain in the country, Movie Gallery – owner of Hollywood Video – has filed for bankruptcy. They’re planning on closing 805 stores – one-third of their total. It’s their second trip through bankruptcy court. Their first time was about 2 ½ years ago, when they closed 2,400 stores. They’re struggling with competition of people streaming videos online from Netflix, picking up $1/night rentals at Red Box kiosks, etc.
45:03 – Babies born in 2010 and on will belong to Generation Alpha. Generations X, Y and Z have exhausted the Latin alphabet so we’ve moved to the Greek generation. It will be the most tech-savvy and connected generation ever.
47:35 – Atlanta’s public transportation agency is under fire for renaming the train line that goes into the heart of the city’s Asian-American community the Yellow Line.
56:20 – The president of Nigeria is receiving medical treatment in a Saudi Arabian hospital. He’s back in Nigeria recovering at his home and the acting president of Nigeria since the middle of January’s name is Goodluck Jonathan.
7:32 – Seth lets everyone know that Cpt. Sully Sullenberger retired this past week. He dedicates Episode 208 to him (Episode 167, 4:23; Episode 172, 58:12; and Episode 186, 4:24).
18:31 – Seth re-reads an article written by technology Clifford Stoll in the February 1995 issue of Newsweek called “The Internet – Bah!” (Episode 110, 2:02).
27:50 – The TSA is going to begin randomly swabbing flyers’ hands to check for any explosive material. International flights are already doing it. They currently have 7,000 trace explosive detection machines in functioning order.
32:36 – The U.S. Tax Court in Washington has ruled that costs incurred in sex-change operations and accompanying procedures are now tax-deductible.
38:35 – The American Psychiatric Association will release the fifth edition of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013. It was last revised in 1994. The book is used by mental health professionals, insurance companies, etc. They’ll recommend for this edition that binge eating and gambling be considered as disorders, along with mixed anxiety disorder. Mixed anxiety disorder is really vague. They refrained from suggesting sex addiction or internet addiction.
41:57 – Starting May 1, American Airlines will start charging passengers $8 for a pillow and a blanket. You can keep them but you have to pay using debit card.
53:18 – The USPS is expecting to lose $238 billion over the next decade and is very seriously considering dropping Saturday delivery. They figure they can save $40 billion over that same period by doing this.
]]>25:00 – Jah was at a Carl’s Jr. at 2:00 in the afternoon when he watched his car get stolen. Jah begged them to throw out his odd, super-rare recordings of Jerry Band playing.
42:38 – Story about the eczema dude at Starbucks (Night Latte). His friend Robert tells him to go into Starbucks and order a night latte, and the barista tells him he’s never heard of it. He asks another barista, Steve, who says he’s never heard of it. Jah notices that Steve has horrific eczema on his arms, and upon seeing the eczema, he realizes he has seen this Asian guy at another Starbucks. He says, “Hey man, I know you. You work at another Starbucks that I go to.” Jah is right, but simultaneously they both realize that the only reason Jah notices him is because of his raging eczema
5:03 – Seth is pissed that Starbucks discontinued its chantico chocolate drink. He went to get his Thursday double chantico and was disappointed
10:44 – Jah recalls having weird pre-adolescent fantasies about being Tony Danza’s character and boning both the mom and the daughter in “Who’s The Boss?”
42:15 – Jah was killing time today waiting to meet a gentlemen to drive his 1987 Buick Grand National. The car was being stored at an old lady’s house and she wasn’t hope so it was going to take a while. Jah happened to be next to his friend’s surf/skate shop place and he walks into the back and starts looking at surfboards. He hears two dudes talking to the dude that works there. Stores have marked old surfboards up about $400 because the new material is 15-20% more buoyant and people who have been surfing their whole lives are going to be completely irked by this whole process. Seth can’t believe that Jah just used the words “buoyant” and “irked” in the same sentence.
0:57 – Mrs. Larroquette insinuates that Seth has gay feelings for firemen
32:44 – Jah is having an upset stomach b/c he had a snickerdoodle from Starbucks. He walked up and ordered his gay drink—an iced venti soy vanilla latte—and two snickerdoodles. “Curse the asshole who named them that. You couldn’t feel like more like a schmuck ordering something than a snickerdoodle.”
2:23 – Someone came up to Jonathan yesterday, knowing that he’s a dog person, asking “Have you seen Eight Below? I mean, for dog lovers, it is so good.” Jonathan says that’s impossible because there’s no way Paul Walker could pull that off
13:52 – Jah goes to friend’s office while waiting on ’87 Buick Grand National; as he’s telling his friend the story, guy walks up to him and rudely interrupts him to ask where the bathroom is; interrupter turns out to be guy whose Grand National made Jah want to get one five years prior. Jah: “How crazy is that?! How crazy is that?” Seth’s reply: “John Cusack. Kate Beckinsale. Serendipity.” (16:08)
24:33 – Jonathan’s Mother Crab story – Jah’s buddy makes another guy go in the bathroom with a flashlight & tweezers, and shut off all the other lights to try to find the mother crab in his pubic hair so he can make all the other crabs jump off
45:27 – Jah begins to delve into getting grifted, talking about being sent creepy fake PayPal e-mails, then tries to explain Nigerian e-mail scams
53:14 – The last time Seth went to SuperCuts, his gay black stylist, DeVon, was mildly perspiring and just hacking away at his hair. Now he goes to a woman named Rose, who is the greatest. Jah gets his hair cut in Echo Park
3:26 – Jah got excited today because a fan of the show dropped an e-mail talking about how he liked the show and how he’s addicted to Black/White on FX. Jah replies with a 1-page e-mail thanking him so much for contacting them, and it turns out to be one of Seth’s old friends from college
15:48 – A good friend of Seth’s used to be in the county jail, and told him they used to watch episodes of Friends on KTLA and it would be a treat to watch such a funny show. Then the guards would turn the TVs off with 10 minutes to go in the show just to piss off the inmates.
26:11 – Jonathan was at a Whole Foods 4 days ago, and as he was pulling in he sees a woman who looks very familiar. He declares it’s categorically a celebrity sighting, but he can’t figure out if it’s Bella Donna or Asia Argento
39:13 – Jah spots K.D. Lang at a Whole Foods
55:28 – Jah had a friend whose dad was killed in a wrongful weed bust. They raided his house at 4 a.m., he came out with a gun because he thought someone was breaking in the house and they shot him dead in the living room
57:02 – Seth’s friend got a tattoo back in high school and wanted to get it off. He said he found a doctor who was going to remove it named Dr. Tattoff. Seth: “Do you mean Doctor Tat Off?” Jah: “This is a real person by the way.”
0:40 – Jah’s story about a friend in school whose mom would always put wax paper in his sandwich on April Fool’s Day
1:56 – Jah’s story about his horrible Thai massage experience. The place was empty. The showers were freezing cold. He gets into a tiny room, a sweet little lady who didn’t speak a lick of English had him lay down, then she laid towels over every part of his already clothed body. He couldn’t hardly feel her hands. There was a bright light piercing his eyes the whole time, and he declares it “absolutely dreadful.” He did, however, get a boner twice in the midst of it
10:47 – The day Seth got to L.A., Jah took Seth to the Winchell’s on Rossmore and Melrose and said “Breakfast like a king. Lunch like a prince. Dinner like a pauper.”
6:18 – In researching a supposedly bogus article about animated tattoos, Seth finally gets ahold of a southern belle woman on the staff to ask if there was a real article about this. She asks Seth what day the article was printed on, and Seth says “Fuckers!” and deeply offends her
23:16 – Jonathan goes into a convenience store to buy a Coca-Cola Blak, and sees an early-20s cute, hip girl walk in with a crazy fox fur wrapped around her neck. Jah wishes it’s fake but it’s fully real, and he immediately has a problem with this and wants to tell her what a moron she is. She walks up next to Jah at the counter, etc. Jah gets into his car while she’s getting into her car, but she gets into a brand new Prius hybrid. Jah’s blood starts to boil, because he thinks it shows some level of consciousness about those kinds of issues: “The thing you’re wearing, it was still alive when it was ripped off the animal straight Duke lacrosse team style.” Jah was about to say something to her but backed off
11:53 – Jah goes to eat with his lady at one of his local dives, Hugo’s – it’s packed, and Jah whispers, “I thought Jews didn’t eat.”
33:45 – Jonathan’s Rick Schroder paintball story (“It’s RICK!”). Jah was 13 years old; Rick and his dad looked like scrubs and Rick was being an asshole. Jah got shot in the neck and got the weirdest, bloodiest welt ever. Someone cut the head off a 6-foot rattlesnake and it scarred Jah
37:32 – Seth had his first raw salad at the world’s biggest Earth Day celebration at Woodley Park in Encino. He saw Jerry Cantrell and Josie Moran there
39:38 – Seth tells everyone to TiVo for April 22 at 4:35 a.m. on HBO to watch Living Dolls, the documentary upon which Jonathan and Seth first founded their relationship when Seth worked at Rocket Video in the early 2000s (Jah: “It was one of the first things you and I ever talked about as barely acquaintances at the video store before we really knew each other. You knew everything about it and we had just seen it and you of course had seen it 15 times already.”) Jah remembers that Seth had a cut-out of the main character, Swan, in a drawer. Seth thinks he had it on a t-shirt
1:00 – There was a whole parade of Priuses and a bunch of people protesting out by Jah’s house today, by a gas station. They were holding signs that said FUTURE FUEL, NOT FOSSIL FUEL and doing donuts in their Priuses.
9:56 – Jah’s dad busts his balls for not watching the Rosie doc on HBO. “My pops is giving me shit about having TV picks and not watching them.” (becomes a recurring theme with Jah as UYD goes on)
41:19 – Seth picked up his Spuds MacKenzie cozy in 1986 on his 8th grade Washington trip
44:45 – Jah’s parents put booze in his bottles when he was a kid to help him sleep
53:30 – Jah’s sister got bubonic plague from an insect bite on her lower abdomen when she was 17. It was really bad and wouldn’t go away
12:37 – Jah gets busted at the drycleaners stealing A&W root beer candies from the tray
21:05 – Jah gets an e-mail from his mother about the show in reference to Episode 011: Seth was on fire. … Stop saying that gay parents cannot adopt white babies, and say you’re sorry, even if you aren’t, to all non-white babies. … I never put liquor in your bottle – you wish. … Your sister did indeed receive a diagnosis of bubonic plague in high school.
31:25 – Jonathan’s Sidekick/Blackberry/Orphan story using a ringtone as a substitute for the Asian guy’s name. Jah jokes about calling dude’s parents to test out the phone, and dude’s co-worker says he’s an orphan. “How much can your dad bench-press?”
54:10 – Seth’s story about a big buff black dude walks into his work after coming out of an MR-2, comes in to buy some stuff. Woman leaves before him: Hey, how ’bout that tail that just left?
4:16 – Jah was on the phone trying to pay some bills and becomes irritated with the automated payment systems. Inevitably Jah begins speaking with inflections that he normally only would with a human. He gets pissed with the computer “tutting” at him and flat-out screams at the computer
13:58 – In Seth’s school, Mr. Bein brought him to the principal’s office, called Seth’s mom at work and made her cry when he said “Your son said he was going to kill Skippy Walker.” She had to come pick him up. Seth was distraught, but a warm plate of cookies made it all right
20:10 – Jah stopped going to the dentist for about five years. A few weeks ago Justine told him he was rank and he needed to get an appointment. He’s currently going through deep cleaning under his gums, which is extremely painful
33:48 – When Jah was about 17 or 18, he had a friend he played in a band with who worked at a guitar store. His friend’s co-worker at store was crossing the street on Christmas Eve and got hit by a car going 50 mph, he’s rushed to the hospital. Jah’s friend gets in his car and races toward the hospital, gets pulled over by a cop, tells the cop he’s going to the hospital b/c his friend might die. Cop says “too bad,” takes an enormously long amount of time writing him a ticket, friend gets to the hospital and his co-worker was dead
49:40 – While driving to the UYD studio, Jah spots an ’81 Volvo, headliner sagging, spitting black smoke out, iridescent glow coming from inside of car, dude driving with 8-inch monitor on dash, another one mounted in on the glove compartment
20:09 – Seth’s story about getting a salad at Leaf restaurant and spotting crazy hot insane lady (“Hello SATAN!”) Seth has eaten there three times a week for six months and has never spoken a word inside the building. Paramedic: “Which one am I here for?” Seth raises hand. (25:32)
38:10 – While at the mall, Jah spots porn star Mr. Marcus. Jah says “awesome” about something and Mr. Marcus looks at him and repeats “Awesome.”
53:47 – Jah sees a payphone the other day driving down Coldwater Canyon and said it was like finding an old Coke bottle dug up at a construction site. Jah’s cell phone was jacked up and he tried to call someone on a payphone from a supermarket, and the phone stank horribly
32:51 – Seth hears a trainer from N.Y. standing in lobby outside The DaVinci Code complaining: “He’s a swimmer in the book, he would have done a lot of cardio so his lats would’ve been way more defined than Tom Hanks.” Seth: “What?!!”
6:58 – Jah admits to seeing X-Men 3
18:39 – Seth is scared to death of mesothelioma from asbestos because he used to paint houses three summers ago with a good friend, David, who passed away from a cancer. They used to be at houses and scraping cottage cheese asbestos off roofs while listening to Arrow 93 and cranking up Boston.
27:48 – Seth’s old friend Dave Thistlewood brought the tape of “Straight Outta Compton” to second lunch when Seth was in high school – 12 Massholes in crazy Starter jackets sat around and couldn’t believe what they were hearing. At that point Seth knew he was moving to L.A. Jah heard it at a party and looked over his shoulder and was like ‘What the ….?’
54:07 – Seth’s friend Jay Frasca (sp?) nearly lost his face after Seth and his buddies threw a brick of M-80s and fireworks in a homeless barrel
54:46 – Jah’s sister’s boyfriend tried to build a roman candle, was making it out of a metal pipe and a shard of the metal pipe seared through his forearm and opened up his muscle
37:46 – When Seth was at the opening day of Passion of the Christ at the Arclight in the back row, he saw a man ruffling through his bag, then got up and left the bag under the chair. Seth thought of his mother, said a prayer and decided that it was all over for him
58:24 – When Jah was a kid, his dad was shopping for an RV, and the guy at the dealership told him a story about an Asian guy who spoke very little English buying the RV. After they explained cruise control with him, he drove the thing on the highway, went in the back and made himself a cup of coffee and crashed it
4:41 – Jah saw the Dead play in Tempe, AZ – tripped his balls off on mushrooms, bought a bootleg ticket that they spotted, then bumrushed the fence and fell down into a mudpit of hippies
6:00 – Seth was at Woodstock 2
13:20 – How many ticks has Jah pulled off his own body in his lifetime? At least 10.
54:11 – Guy behind Jah in line at Starbucks: “Yeah, I need a coffee. What are your sizes?”
0:20 – Jonathan leaves Seth a phone message saying, “Hey Seth, it’s Jonathan.”
6:04 – After Jah came inside her, he would get a searing headache and have to lay down
56:58 – Seth smoked once outside of a Grateful Dead concert at the Boston Garden b/c all the hippies were smoking and he wanted to fit in. Jah says that when you smoke too many cigarettes and get nauseous it is the worst stomachache and headache you could imagine
28:47 – Jonathan pissed on his own shirt the night before
29:55 – Seth’s buddies would go to open houses and steal prescription pills from medicine cabinets; Jah says he looked up a hot realtor, went to an open house in the Palisades and raped one about six months ago
42:31 – Fan refers to J-dog as “Baby Fielding”
22:06 – Jonathan recounts a tough four days in his life: pisses on self, forgets parents’ anniversary, forgets Amir Yaghmai’s birthday, makes wife Justine late for flight to NY, forgets one-year wedding anniversary, locks keys in own car w/ car running, A/C going and stereo on for 35 minutes.
42:47 – Jonathan finally got to go out to the American Girl Store and had a full panic attack. Jah said the second level sent him to a dark place. He really thought Seth was exaggerating but “it is the devil’s work.” Seth: “Oh it’s the devil’s handiwork when you see dolls lined up at the salon getting their hair done, getting manis and pedis.” Jah said they went into the café and it got even worse. The waiters were “begging me to throw them off the balcony.” What also made it worse is the moms were twice as into it as the daughters
44:20 – Seth was creeped out at the American Girl store because a couple moms looked at him like, What are you doing here?, “and I couldn’t express to them just because I’m crazy but the other guy I’m looking at is there because he’s… triple crazy. Like, that’s weird… that’s kind of a heavy coat you’re wearing and those are weird trousers. Why are you wearing weird glasses, man?”
8:42 – Seth recalls taking mushrooms at Greatwoods and seeing Soul Asylum, The Spin Doctors and Gin Blossoms
12:20 – J-dog hanging out with Brandon Tartakoff at 9 years old. “He was a very nice gentleman, and he left us all too soon. This show goes out to Tartakoff.”
25:00 – Jah has been on a run of reconnecting with people from his past, primarily high school people. He runs into a girl they went to high school with (never intimate), but he had a crazy crush on her (still very attractive). They bring up another girl that Jah used to go out with; Jah says that she liked him but he wasn’t a happy person, and the hot girl said “Well at that point I think we all liked you.” Jah pleads with all high school female listeners to tell the weird dude they hang out with (who definitely doesn’t have a clue) that they like him. “If I had had any inkling…. I couldn’t believe it!”
43:58 – Once Seth was wearing Cavariccis in Nashua, N.H., playing Gallaga and someone told him what a MILF was. That was the last time he needed to hear that
3:48 – Jah went to a camp with one of the Coors kids
32:00 – J-dog had tickets to the Bobby Brown/MC Hammer concert, was taking a hot girl but couldn’t go because people were getting stabbed for wearing Nike Air Revolutions
32:42 – Seth saw K9 Posse, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer at the Worcester Center
59:12 – Jonathan’s dad’s review of the show: Seth is hilarious but J-dog is an idiot on the show – it works, though
16:00 – Jonathan on the state beach in Oregon, sees wasted dudes driving Tundras going 65 mph and spinning out when the max speed limit is 25
26:00 – Jonathan rehashes Eczema dude / night latte story (Episode 001) – sees the eczema dude again in Portland, OR while he’s in town for his sister’s wedding, has full panic attack (Other barista at Starbucks to Jonathan: “It’s not Asian, it’s South Pacific.”)
5:39 – Jah hasn’t punched a wall since he was 13 years old and some girl broke up with him
26:25 – Jah runs into Gene Simmons and his stupid kids at a Humphrey Yogart
2:06 – Jah is on his way back from Hollywood on Houser, gets to a stoplight and sees a “rear-view mirror cute” chick behind her. She’s holding on to the steering wheel wearing wool Rocky gloves, starts talking to herself going crazy. She rolls down the glove and starts shaving her wrists with a Bic razor. Jah thinks it might be Morgellan’s.
22:02 – Seth’s friend John Buckley, working around the corner from the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market in 2003, hears carnage and destruction and runs outside with the guy he works with to see a triage unit after that old fool George Weller plowed through and killed 10 people and injured 63 others
5:49 – Seth’s friend from Israel got married at the Alberson’s Wedding Chapel on Wilshire Boulevard at LaBrea on April Fool’s Day. He had to pull him aside and tell him he’s not supposed to get married on that day. Seth had some crazy cocktails out of Styrofoam cups.
6:54 – Seth found out on the Sunday morning following the Saturday night when Notorious B.I.G. was gunned down; a buddy called to tell him
1:11 – Female voicemail caller Tara from North Carolina attacks J & S, calling them assholes and saying she expects something better on the outgoing voicemail
4:58 – Jonathan breaks pinky doing yoga, then names three separate yoga poses (Down Dog, Warrior 3, Warrior 2)
16:59 – Bag lady in Seth’s neighborhood wearing a Cruella Deville shirt tries to put a hex on Seth, then Seth flips the script on her: “I looked her dead in the eye and I was like ‘Oh you gonna put a hex on me? You gonna put a hex on me?” while holding a Diet Dr Pepper.
33:24 – A friend of Seth’s who doesn’t know much about the internet asked Seth, “Where is the internet?” Seth looked around at the other people who were laughing out loud, pointed at his heart and said “It’s right here.”
8:27 – Jonathan’s 7-11 story – debit card declined for $1.82. 7-11 Teller yells at full volume: DECLINED! Jah: “He looked at me after he said DECLINED! and had this awesome smile on his face like I was supposed to be into it with him, and I was so not into it with him because I was like dying.”
15:25 – Jonathan gets call from listener Tara (a.k.a. ohemgeeitsme), who wants to know why Seth doesn’t speak in the restaurant where he met the crazy chick – Seth never answers
28:09 – Seth had free passes to the Arclight and saw Boat Trip on opening weekend and saw Head of State the next weekend with peppered trenchcoat peeds throughout the audience
59:24 – Jah has been a vegetarian for almost eight years … had been on and off before … What got Jah to eat meat again was he drove through Jack In The Box to get a soda and fries, and he saw the picture of the spicy crispy chicken sandwich and couldn’t fathom leaving the drive-through w/o two of them in his car and he demolished them.
11:52 – At Survival Camp, Jah gets caught in the hills shoving a tub of Goober into his face after jacking it from one of the counselors
29:01 – Alan Jackson’s song “Chatahoochie” got Seth across the country from Boston to Hollywoodland. He moved out to LA with a dream in 1995 to do a podcast. He put his word processor in the back of his father’s Volvo, he and his two buddies Josh and Brian got in the Volvo and did some mushrooms. The song got real to them when they were in Tennesee on a bridge and saw a green sign that said CHATAHOOCHIE
47:22 – Seth’s story about having a Boba tea drink, getting shitrocked drunk at night and puking out the Boba beads that never broke down on some broad’s front porch
48:25 – Seth’s story about being at 3 of Clubs, covering a bathtub with 56 marachino cherries, being surrounded by 59 bottles of beer passed out on a couch, then having a night terror and knocking all the bottles on the floor
9:40 – Someone gives Jah their e-mail address: xxxx@aol.com…. Jah has a panic attack.
10:02 – At Jah’s job, works with two women who are filling in for others. One of women is ringing up a guy, swiping a brand-new Visa card 5-6 times backwards. Guy hands her a new card, Discover, backwards 6 times and says it’s not working. Jah almost explodes at her.
43:44 – Jonathan’s story about stupid guy in movie theater: "Eddie Murphy man, he fell off on that one."
Episode 35
14:03 – Jonathan’s story about his encounter with Steven Wright
18:14 – Jah was arrested when he was 16 and was featured in a National Enquirer as a TV star’s son getting busted. Seth tried to track down the archived edition from the Enquirer but the paper lost most of their stuff after the anthrax scare
40:28 – Jah was getting a burrito at Baja Fresh; spots a Hispanic woman with crazy glow-in-the-dark acrylic nails behind the counter, punches her in the face and calls her a stupid raver and leaves
12:04 – Jonathan’s story about being at dinner with two former film school tools who talk about Goodfellas and the Jerky Boys
26:58 – Jah saw one drunk priest as a Halloween costume one time; Seth also saw one who had a prop – a bottle of booze inside a Bible; Jah’s was with pants down and a fake kid affixed to his crotch
1:26 – Jonathan’s story about the full-blown adult Halloween candy burglar wearing a cape with a spider web on his cheek, who is demolishing the bowls of candy that Justine was monitoring by dumping them into a pillowcase
7:11 – Jah informs us about jimson weed, which grows rampantly in California and Arizona. You have to make a tea out of the seeds, but there is no recommended dosage b/c there’s a fine line between tripping your balls off and going temporarily or permanently blind or having full cardiac arrest. A bunch of kids in Jah’s boarding school did it in the dorms. One guy felt nothing, another got mildly weirded out and another was blind for 24 hours, writing chicken scratches on a piece of paper
9:19 – Jah spotted a kid at Phish show in ’92 who was wearing a homemade t-shirt that read “Let’s go Jimsoning”
10:28 – Jonathan cyber bullies Danny Noonan from the UYD website forums after he gave a list of “funny” podcasts like Nobody Likes Onions. Jah: “I cyber noogied him, actually. I cyber charlie-horsed him.”
13:06 – Seth’s grandma tried talking on a cell phone and then held it out like it was a dead bird
40:47 – Seth used to sleep over at his friend Ryan Hastings’ house every Friday night and watch Miami Vice. Ryan collected Smurfs and Seth hopes he still has them
41:07 – Jah sees a 6-foot-8 dude walking down the street with two stacks of Garbage Pail Kids wrapped in rubber bands trying to sell them – 20 minutes later he came walking back still holding both stacks
41:31 – Seth’s friend Peter Martellucci collected Garbage Pail Kids and said they’d be worth money. He called Seth “Bad Breath Seth” and told him he’d be worth money. Peter is the same kid who told Seth that even though he got voted for for “Cutest” in the yearbook awards, he would get uglier when he got old
43:12 – When Seth was a sophomore in high school, he went on a field trip into Boston and everyone saw Jordan Knight and went bananas
43:26 – When Seth was visiting home he heard Marky Mark’s “Good Vibrations” playing on the radio and rolled the window down on the way to Dunkin’ Donuts and was like, “Feel it! Feel it!” He is reminded that it is the best song ever.
57:34 – Jah babysat a kid and called phone sex lines from the home back in the 976 days – he never got caught
3:54 – Jah watched Amir smoke some type of sage called salvia with four other dudes and nothing happened to them
22:53 – Seth got on YouTube for the first time in his life and watched a Christina Aguilera video from five years ago
40:34 – Jonathan’s story about his road trip with Wally where they went to a huge Wal-Mart somewhere in the Dakotas – Girl in store: “Ooh, when I get paid, I’m gonna get me some of them Taz slippers.” (41:43)
0:53 – Seth put on weightlifting gloves and he, Stacy Church and Greg Burns drove his mother’s two-door Honda Civic to steal a BP sign from his best friend at home, Brian Peters
20:52 – Jah was having a conversation with a woman, who, after two hours of talking they realized they knew each other. She asked Jah how old he was and after he said 29, she says, “Oh, so you’re right in the throws of your Saturn return.” At this point Jah realizes he’s just about to enter his true beginning of adulthood
25:47 – Jonathan’s story about being caught by parents humping pillow and watching bodybuilding: “Oh… uhh, I was just waiting for the guys.” (resurfaces again at 43:18 – Jah: “I do this a little bit here and there and you don’t do it at all…” Seth: “Fuck pillows?”)
33:17 – When Seth visited California when he was younger he went to TCBY, and when he got back to Massachusetts he kept talking about it and pissing people off: Yeah, I was out in Cali. We were at a TCBY. It’s cool, it’s frozen yogurt dog, it’s fro-yo.
34:16 – The first year Seth’s parents visited him in LA they were wearing shorts, he told them he was getting local and he wanted them to cut the shit and wear Dockers. His dad walked from the 101 down Gower to Roscoe’s at midnight when Hollywood was not safe
36:09 – When Seth first got out to LA in September of ’95, he was talking to a cop who referred to “snowbirds,” the migratory idea that hookers leave cold states in the winter to come to the West Coast to trick
36:42 – Jonathan’s hooker story: “She was literally one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life.”
39:46 – Jah went to a crazy Montessori pre-school where the kids weren’t bathed because their parents were doing past-life transgressions and couldn’t rear their kids. Jah went to do the blacklight test and a filthy kid in front of him was getting examed right before Jah, they pulled back his jet-black hair to expose all kinds of white lice. He got so disgusted by it and was sent home because he had picked up a louse himself.
42:39 – Jah was at Starbucks and there was a dude outside opening his PS3 and showing it to the other dude. He thinks the one dude paid the other to go get it for him
51:05 – Jonathan’s story about pissing his pants during the Jackson 5 Victory Tour. The dad who took him wouldn’t let him go b/c Jacko broke into a solo performance, Jah pissed himself, the song ends and the dad takes him to the trough, Jah faux-pisses and gets a ride home in a limo with piss-stained pants
53:39 – Jah: “How are my childhood memories treating you this week?”
34:54 – Seth’s story about flying from Boston to LA with several Russians who he suspected were Chechnyan rebels.
35:33 – Jonathan’s story about Italian friend John who was interrogated at airport before trip to Europe
46:44 – Jah had a friend whose mother died and he had her cremated. He spent some time in prison, and had a jailhouse tattoo of his mother’s portrait on his chest, made using his mother’s ashes for the black pigment
29:19 – Jah was watching old footage of the Grateful Dead on YouTube, and was reading the comments from all the stoners. Some dude gets in and makes a joke about the Dead: Hey what did the Deadheads say when they ran out of drugs? What’s up with this crappy music? Jah goes to the dude’s page and he has two Vince Neal interviews tagged, along with two 14-year-old girls dancing to “My Humps.” Jah wonders why he’s trying to rile up these Deadheads
8:58 – Jonathan’s bank punishes his “misuse” by giving him an ATM card (no debit privileges) … the “DECLINED!” story is brought up again at 11:59
28:00 – Seth graduated high school in 1991. This guy Geno DeLuca had a cell phone and drove a Suzuki Samari. The cell had its own carrying case and he would be on it, talking at the football game and everyone was going crazy
32:33 – Seth hits his balls two weeks ago and has a flashback to 15 years ago when he was driving a mail truck down a hill and hit his balls
34:57 – On Monday (Dec. 4), someone said “Merry Christmas” to Seth and he yelled “Back at ya dog!” He feels like people shouldn’t even say that until the 23rd.
39:23 – Seth gave Jah the “Eyes of Tammy Faye” pin to Jah. The last time Seth went to Sunset 5 was with Bobby Bukowski to see that movie
54:06 – Jonathan’s story about meeting with commercial agents. Lady: “What’s your look? I just want to take out a pair of scissors and trim your beard.” Jah: “That wouldn’t be cool with me, I’m Muslim.” Seth: “Oh, what the fuck man!!”
3:00 – Seth got grifted on Beale Street in Memphis trying to buy a bag of weed off a homeless guy, who ran from him
3:10 – Stacy and Susan story – young Jah in Maui smoking fabulous herb with the locals. He makes the mistake of buying herb from Stacy and Susan in this other dealer’s house, and they vibe him out and give him some laced herb. Jah gets horrific lockjaw and is sitting there completely paralyzed for 2 ½ hours as they keep saying mean shit to him. He stumbles out of the house, other guy jumps in the back of a pickup and yells “Stacy and Susan!” as they peel off.
8:03 – Seth’s mom asks him why they talk about drugs nonstop; he says it’s because they haven’t done them in 15 years and they can’t stop talking about them.
10:18 – Jah got taken on the internet buying a piece of gear – there was no way the deal could have been right but Jah put his blinders on b/c he wanted it so bad. Guy’s name was Cam Lyman. The address he gave Jah was a used car dealership, and cop wouldn’t pursue it. Cost $2,000 of Mr. Larroquette’s money that he lent to Jah.
17:55 – In 1990 at Jenny Windell’s house Seth watched the Red Sox get swept out of the AL playoffs by the Oakland A’s; the only thing that got him through that series was drinking down some Robitussin
59:00 – Jonathan’s SUV story
10:51 – Jonathan’s story about finding hardcore porn in day laborer camps
29:34 – Jah looking for sneakers online and gets on a forum where all they talk about is retro Jordans. Everyone says “I’m gonna cop these.”
35:10 – Jah has pulled a tick off his lower armpit this week; his mom got him freaked out about Lyme disease and he was on a Lyme disease forum for hours. He thought he had a floppy mole but it turned out to be a tick. To teach the tick a lesson he went outside and ate the tick in front of all the other ticks.
42:58 – Jah’s friend asks if Seth really got an eye infection from his Bausch & Lomb Renu eyedrops. His buddy uses the same stuff and got a crazy eye infection from it, and he has a black spot in his vision from using them
51:47 – Jah went to Tijuana when he was younger and bought illegal weapons – switchblade, stiletto and butterfly knife and some crazy ninja throwing stars. Was with his friend and mom and friend’s mother in a Suburban, his friend pulled the butterfly knife out of his pocket and dropped it in the car and his mom found it.
1:00:14 – Seth takes $8.50, slides it to the teenager and says “I’ll take one ticket for Rocky 6.” Teen: “You mean Rocky Balboa?” Seth: “Call it what you want.”
50:18 – Jonathan’s Baja Fresh story (“I’m trying to order here!”)
54:07 – 54:07 – Seth was at the Hollywood Christmas Parade in 2004, sees Leo Rossi on a float going by and waving to the crowd: “Is that the rapist from The Accused? What the fuck are you doing in this parade?! It’s Leo Rossi from The Accused. And Leo looked me dead in the eye and he waved at me, and I waved back. I said ‘Hey! You’re the rapist from The Accused! Thanks for being in the parade!’ And then there was Peter Sarsgaard from Boys Don’t Cry. He raped, didn’t he? It’s a rape parade!” (story is brought up again in Episode 057 at 10:14)
5:46 – Seth’s child fascination when he learned about time zones was having something be alive and then flying it back in time and killing it before it was born
7:52 – Jonathan’s Sedona, Arizona UFO story. Therapist to Jah: “Do not investigate any further because you’re getting into something you don’t want to deal with.”
14:03 – Jonathan goes to a New Year’s party, sees a friend of his smoke a j-dog with Kelli Osborne. Also talks to another girl whose 34-year-old brother is going to Afghanistan because he feels that’s where we should have been in the first place
36:19 – Jah’s friend recorded Mike Madsen performing his crazy poetry while drinking a bottle of Jack Daniel’s as his crazy hot wife sat in the control room
37:28 – Jah is standing in the bank for half an hour, getting so frustrated, and then when someone at the window goes, “Hey I see you guys are real busy,” and Jah goes, “Yeah you wanna know why, because they hire mental retards here.” Jah thought it would expedite the process but it elongated the process and he left having not executed said task
42:57 – Jah saw the sun rise over the Grand Canyon and was disappointed in it
5:58 – Jonathan’s lotto ticket story. Instead of getting more lotto tickets, the scratch-off winner at the gas station asks for the money and says there’s no way he’s going to be lucky three times. Just as Jah is thinking that this is a pretty smart dude, the guy gets handed $2
12:09 – Jonathan’s story about getting pissed on by a 6-foot-8 dude riding a Ninja in the bathroom of an office building. Jah gets the spray from the urinal onto his leg. Seth: “So as you’re looking at his cock he’s smiling at you? This is an interesting story.” Jah: “Huge prick.” Seth: “Huge prick, too, you say. I mean you saw it. And he saw you and he smiled. I think it was a nice afternoon.”
17:48 – Jah says he hocked his Tony Gwynn 1974 Topps rookie card for weed when he was 15 years old. “It’s the one fact I would actually say I’m spot-on about.” Jah later retracts when he discovers that Tony Gwynn was a rookie in 1983. (19:32)
12:52 – Jonathan retells Rick Schroder paintball story from Episode 010 – Rick and his dad show up and the first person who calls him Ricky sets him off: “IT’S RICK!!” Jah also explains that there’s a limit on how fast your gun can shoot. He shows up and he’s 11 years old, but everyone else is 30. They would clock in, then find bunkers and field strip their guns and tweak them up to where they shot really fast. Jah got shot at point-blank range in his throat, the only piece of his body that wasn’t covered. It looked like a volcano on his neck for two weeks, oozing like crazy. Schroder’s dad killed a rattlesnake with a giant buckknife, cutting its head off.
20:39 – Jah knew a guy who got busted in San Francisco—another hotbed for medicinal marijuana cards—for weed. He got pulled over by a cop and was searched and the cop found half an ounce of weed. The cop literally threw the weed back at him and said “get a fucking card!”
25:04 – Jah watched the Playboy Channel in weird wavy lines on the TV since his family didn’t subscribe to it, he would see an ass or a tit come through occasionally and still got off on it … Seth watched the Tyson-Douglas fight the same way at Mike Bevalaqua’s house
25:46 – Seth was in Starbucks and saw a girl he knew but didn’t remember her name. He started making small talk with her and her friend about their crazy phones and the things they were doing with them. Seth’s phone rang with the default Verizon ring and he just reached in his pocket and turned it off. So Seth calls Verizon to try to get a ringtone because he wanted “Throw Some Ds,” but he was asking for a ringback (when someone calls you and hears music instead of dialing) because he didn’t know the difference, but he couldn’t get that because his phone isn’t capable of that technology. Seth looked into getting a new phone but he’s locked into a contract. Seth recalling conversation with Verizon representative: “You’ve got that phone through like 2010. What?! Yeah, you signed a contract. Where?! At the Beverly Connection. She had like the date and the time! Like did I really? That was a really shitty signature I did then, to lock me into this awful phone. She couldn’t even give me a ringtone. … How’s 2002 treating you? It’s treating me pretty good!”
1:01:23 – Seth is wearing hospital scrubs because he and Jonathan went out to a coffeeshop last night and Jonathan was wearing an embroidered Quiksilver sweatshirt that he was given for Christmas. Jah admits that it’s the worst item but it’s so comfortable that he has to wear it
11:24 – Dr. Flynn put a finger in Seth’s butt when his appendix burst. Seth ate a pint of Cherry Garcia and woke up with a wicked stomachache, and drove himself to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank in his bucket seat Datsun 280Z because his roommate Bowman was asleep and he couldn’t wake him up
12:59 – Jonathan’s prostate exam story (gay joke while finger in butt)
53:33 – Seth’s sandwich artist, Gerson, looks just like Oscar De La Hoya
24:32 – Jonathan’s LA traffic story – leaves Dad’s house at 4:15 p.m., gets home at 7:30 p.m. (normally a 20-minute drive)
31:15 – Jonathan’s horrific car accident story. He was 19 years old, driving one lane from the far left lane. Woman pulls onto the on-ramp, cuts over, car was coming, she realizes this and cuts hard right, car cuts sideways away from Jah, overcompensates, comes back the other way across the freeway and Jah t-bones this lady in a two-door 1986 Tercel at 80 mph and lets Jesus take the wheel. Jah sees the car spin around, fly across the freeway and go over the hill. Jah’s GMC Yukon was totally jacked up; his front bumper and engine went down into the car, both of his tires explode and cave in. Jah thought for sure she was dead, but he sees her climb up over the hill in a McDonald’s uniform and had an enormous welt on her head. Jah looks over and sees his girlfriend from high school standing there and she asks Jah why he didn’t see her. She said Jah just looked at what was happening and simply threw his arms up
6:33 – Mike Maylott took Seth’s head and put it in the snow and gave him a whitewash while Seth’s childhood buddies Brian and Jack ran off on him
20:09 – Jonathan’s story about getting hustled. He pulled into a gas station, went inside and noticed a woman standing outside. As he came out she walked up to him and said her truck broke down. Immediately he suspects a hustle. She says she’s out of gas, then points to the U-Haul truck by the pump and says she has to get back to Thousand Oaks. Jah agrees and puts his Debit card in, then the lady says she came from Chula Vista and she’s on her way to Eureka. He tells her to tell him when to stop. He stops at $20, puts the pump back in and she’s driving off while Jah is standing there like an asshole. He decides that he’s OK with getting taken because he’ll buy anyone gas
36:35 – Jonathan and Seth were watching Minority Report at the Arclight when man stands up in theater: “Shame on you Spielberg! Shame on you!” Jah did the same thing during Norbit, he yelled “You fell off Eddie! You fell off!” Then he had to come back into the theater and clarify that he meant Eddie Griffin, not Murphy
1:32 – Jah saw a dude today wearing a t-shirt that said I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I’M A DRUNK. DRUNKS GO TO MEETINGS.
1:53 – Seth saw a bumper sticker on a back of a pickup truck today that said COWBOY BUTTS DRIVE ME NUTS. “Get er dun!!!”
23:54 – Seth saw Eddie Feigner pitch at Haverhill Stadium when he was a boy. Saw him get blindfolded at second base and kneel down and throw a strike across the plate
48:15 – Seth saw Con Air at the Cineramadome, got home that night and he and his roommate John Buckley had to throw out their crystal meth roommate, a redhead Irish girl from Chicago. “I had to take her shit and throw it out of my house. What are skis doing in my closet?!”
5:36 – Jah had a friend who did DVD authoring for porns where he would chop the movie into chapters. At first he said it was the best job ever, then a month later he had to get out of the job because it’s the worst and all you see is meat
17:58 – Jonathan’s friend who used to be a Catholic used to give up reruns of Laverne & Shirley for lent
40:52 – Seth remembers watching Game 5 of the Lakers-Celtics NBA Finals in 1984, known as the “Heat Game” because there was no air conditioning in the Boston Garden (game time temperatures over 100 degrees in June). Seth and his parents watched the game from their back porch because it was too hot to be in the house, they ordered Mexican food from Pedro Diego’s and Seth bit on a screw that was in his food
51:25 – Jonathan knows a guy who is a hypnotherapist, but every time he sees him he keeps trying to convince Jonathan to get hypnotized so he can quit smoking
1:20 – UYD listener gets pulled over in Blythe traveling 110 mph listening to UYD
22:21 – Seth references the Haro bike he got for Christmas when he was a kid – front pegs, back pegs, full 360-degree handlebars. “I’m going to name my first son Haro. Haro Romatelli.”
30:32 – Jonathan got a letter yesterday that he was in collections for a $1,000 bill for a Home Depot card account that was opened up in a city he doesn’t live in. Jah calls collections agency and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Collections implies that Justine opened the account, which Jah dismisses. Jah dismisses an ex-girlfriend because he’s been with Justine for nine years. They ask if he’s ever lived on Tower Road in Denver Colorado, they had his SSN and everything. Jah made the lady laugh on the phone, calls Citibank, has to go to a police department and fill out a full report. Police said he wouldn’t get his affadavit for 3 weeks because they’re so backed up with ID theft cases. Jah warns that people will still target dudes w/o money because they can open up new lines of credit on you
4:34 – TWEEEINS!! Seth’s story about guy he used to work with at Paramount who would drive around on a golf cart, pull up next to hot women with large breasts and say “Show me the tweeinns!” Dude was covered in tats, in a gang in LA, smoked crystal and lives next to Gedde Watanabe.
24:52 – Jonathan talks about the two times he had sex in a pool – he wound up farting out chlorine water, and it sucked and nobody came
32:54 – Jonathan’s John Popper story. He practiced harmonica a lot when he was a youngster. Blues Traveler came to LA several years ago to play at the Wiltern, and Jah asked his father to flex a little bit of his celebrity muscle, and Mr. Larroquette drummed up some sweet tickets and backstage passes. Knowing this was coming, Jah took out a couple weeks to draw a pencil-and-charcoal 8x10 portrait of John Popper in full harmonica solo in his high school art class. It turns out to be an amazing show. Jah’s dad came with him, at the end of the show they go backstage, a PR person grabs them and it’s on. The door opens and they’re with the entire band. Jah says “I have something for you” and hands him the picture. Popper is in disbelief that Jonathan made it. He says he’s going to hang it in the bathroom of his 1800s farmhouse so he can see it all the time. Popper says “let me give you something” and hands Jah a Honer Special 20 harmonica. Jah starts blowing right in front of him, Mr. Larroquette tries to put a stop to it but Popper says it was really good, then sits with him and gives a 5-10 minute harmonica tutorial
38:07 – Jah met John Popper again 2 years later. Popper wasn’t very nice to him because he was on a press junket. On another meeting, Popper says he still had the picture hanging in his house
9:06 – Seth got a phone call today from someone very angry at him that they didn’t have his e-mail. Seth: “You don’t have it, because I don’t have it.”
10:20 – Jah was in his apartment at Park La Brea when he found out Biggie was shot down on March 9, 1997; Seth was on North Beachwood – he got a call on Sunday morning from his friend Nick Lang, because Seth was at Nick’s house, which was around Crescent Heights and Wilshire, and Biggie got shot at Wilshire-Fairfax
11:07 – When Tupac died Sept. 13, 1996, in Las Vegas, Jah was on the set of The John Larroquette Show, a guy on the show named Daryl “Chill” Mitchell was supposed to go to the fight with them but couldn’t because of the show. Mitchell would’ve been in the car with them. Mitchell is now paralyzed because of a motorcycle accident
13:34 – When Easy E died, Seth was driving east on Sunset Blvd. at Highland by Hollywood High School, he was listening to Power 106 when they said it and he looked up and saw the Hollywood sign and put his head down to pay his respects
14:15 – Seth tipped a 40 when Dave Thistlewood played NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton” for the first time as they sat around a lunch table and their jaws dropped. For the next 9 months they wore Raiders jackets and hats and only listened to it.
14:47 – Seth re-hashes his TCBY yogurt story from Ep. 39
36:38 – Jonathan’s Filipino bowling story. Jah got into bowling and was about a 150-160 average, got put on a ridiculously good team, changed his stroke and started tanking to about a 75-80 average. One guy on the team gets smashed one night and just rails on Jah, so Jah calls the next week and makes an excuse so he won’t have to go anymore.
47:51 – Jah gets further into his identity theft situation – they not only opened up the Home Depot card account, but a Sam’s Club $300 credit account a year ago
10:53 – Jonathan’s Hollywood Christmas parade story centering around his father – When he was on a show called Baa Baa Black Sheep, he and his friends in the cast are riding through the parade in a ’50-something Buick convertible with the Pioneer Chicken kid (wearing a big chicken costume), Mr. Larroquette and his friends get hammered on Jack Daniels and get the Pioneer Chicken kid drunk too; they start punching the Pioneer Chicken kid and huge chunks of the paper mache head are falling off and they’re throwing them. At the end of the parade they decide to go to the Magic Castle (members-only club for magicians and fans of magic) with the Pioneer Chicken kid. In the Magic Castle they start an alltime historic foodfight, Mr. Larroquette is banned from the Magic Castle, his membership card revoked and told to never go there again. Years later when he was on Night Court they sent him a lifetime membership, which he turned down.
23:41 – Seth’s story about cell phone guy during Shooter at the Arclight
37:27 – Jonathan’s story about being at Whole Foods store in line with crazy stupid woman, thought she was singing “Video Killed the Radio Star,” but she’s really mumbling to herself: Yeah, it’s the only bars that fill me up, and the great thing about filling me up is I can’t not eat. Granted, I am going to incorporate exercise into the diet soon, but if I can shave 200 calories off the diet that’d be great. Her card keeps getting declined and she’s like, Well I have $1,400 in my account. They’re probably freaking out because I just bought a laptop. She took 15 minutes in the express lane.
46:04 – The last time Jah got a peace signal from someone he was on his way to the UYD studio last week. He pulled over a little to the left because he saw a motorcycle coming down the middle row, the biker flashed Jah the down-low riders-only peace sign
47:21 – The greatest thing Seth ever got was from a friend of his named Sam Ball – at the beginning of the anthrax scare it had Seth’s name cryptically written with no return address. It was a burned Anthrax CD with a note that said YOU HAVE ANTHRAX.
7:22 – Jah got duped into seeing Shooter after Seth fully endorsed it the week before. Jah: “It’s pretty bad. It’s Rambo 3, basically.”
18:59 – Jonathan’s Fabolous story. His friend worked at a record store in the hip hop section. Guy came up to him and said “Hey, I don’t see the Fabolous record. Where is it?” Friend says, “I don’t know, we might be out of them. Just get the Jah Rule record, it’s the exact same thing.” Looks up and the man talking to him is Fabolous
1:00:25 – Jonathan’s story about convincing girls as a teen to raw-dog because he smoked the seeds and was shooting blanks
1:31 – Jah receives the following text message: OMG. LOL. UYD.
24:13 – Seth’s little league team’s first four batters were lefties: Kevin Fitzgerald leading off b/c he always got on base, Seth hit second because he could drag bunt, Brian Snow third and Sean Gurten hitting cleanup
28:21 – Jonathan’s story about group of brothers at club holding an empty bottle of Cristal, passing it around and taking pictures
44:02 – Seth watching Grindhouse at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, guy in back of theater yells “Overboard!!” when he sees Kurt Russell… later, says “Your Name’s Cash!!”
45:03 – Seth is standing on Hollywood Boulevard and sees a black Shrek, Freddy (gets up in Seth’s grill) and Jason, Pinhead, Michael Jackson, Superman (Christopher Dennis – crystal meth addict) and Jack Sparrow
48:25 – Seth is enthralled by watching Maury Povich’s fat babies segment: “You Al Qaedas can have your 70 virgins. I want four 100-pound 2-year-old babies pushing each other. One baby is so fat she carries a purse to keep food in it.”
50:27 – Jonathan’s story about fat mom and daughter at gas station – paranoid mom snaps at Middle Eastern woman behind counter: “I heard what you said…”
4:24 – Jah was buying Easter candy at a Target which was a melee the day before Easter. Two girls came in with crazy super butch shaved flattops with shit carved into the head, and both had hip-hop Insane Clown Posse t-shirts with the fruits Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope in their gear
5:54 – Seth had a rough Friday the 13th. He woke up and had a flat tire. Talked to his mother later in the day and she had a flat tire on the front driver’s side as well. Before Jonathan arrived he had a full allergic Will Smith Hitch reaction to something, so Jah had to bring him some Benadryl. He left a message for Jah: “Jonathan, my lungs are shutting down. I just want to tell you this. I love you and UYD 4 Life.” He also forbade Jah for carrying on the show without a dead Seth
13:58 – Seth and Jonathan talk about failing at the lemonade fast – Seth lasted seven days and Jonathan lasted eight hours. Seth watched Team America on day 6 and was laughing so hard that he told Jonathan to stop laughing because it was exhausting him too much
41:07 – Seth celebrated Earth Day with Jerry Cantrell and Jonathan two years ago at Woodley Park. Jah recalls an all-white reggae band playing at that event
54:26 – Seth’s story about doing market research for a bad Michael Madsen procedural Suspects – people who don’t know how to turn the damn dial left or right. People are laughing out loud at the worst parts. Seth: “Guy next to me, nodding like this is awesome. No it isn’t.” Last one Seth went to before this was for Naked Juice Drinks – he had to go up to a board with 12 of their different drinks and pick his 3 favorite. Seth: “Every single person put Naked Green Machine, Naked Pomegranate. You stupid assholes!” (1:00:22)
58:20 – Seth sees Johnny Drama and E smoking butts and drinking Heinekens, laughing and clinking bottles at the back door of one of their screenings
6:43 – Seth met MLB pitcher Barry Zito at his old job where Alyssa Milano would bring him in for nutritional counseling. Seth tells him he’s a baseball fan and so Zito thinks he can relate to this: “Yeah, you know when you’re in Cleveland in the dugout and they serve that awful food?” Seth: “Umm, yeah, I hate the food in Cleveland’s dugout – what the fuck are you talking about?!!”
16:52 – Seth’s Psychiatry Museum story – the crazy Australian Scientologists try to lock Seth. When Seth comments on the Dante-esque door and says it’s a little scary, the guy says “Yeah psychiatry is scary.” Seth: “The door, dick.” Seth signs in as a professional podcaster. The room themes he sees in the museum are: 1) padded psych room, 2) dungeon, 3) Nazi concentration camp, 4) racism, 5) electroshock therapy in a hospital ward, 6) Columbine HS, 7) jail cell with peed psychiatrists. They were wearing the full hypnosis outfit – khakis and denim, the same reason Seth can’t handle going into a Restoration Hardware (24:38)
19:30 – Jonathan and Justine and Seth went to some dude’s house to eat vegan food a while back but they were sure they were going to get killed – they called and left a message on their answering machine telling people where they were in case they died. It ends up being the best thing ever
44:13 – Jonathan’s story about singing “Our God Is An Awesome God” at a Presbyterian church lock-in. Jonathan went to bring flowers to a girl from the church with great legs at a production of Madame Butterfly a couple days later and was totally rejected by her
49:05 – Seth references the “Fag Test” where you put your wrist out, somebody takes a sharp object and dug in, whoever could leave it there the longest without pulling it away won
50:19 – Jonathan did similar tests where he got cigarette burns from waging friendships; lay forearms side by side and lay cigarette in crux of two forearms. His seventh-grade girlfriend got obsessed with Sid & Nancy and carved S&N into his arms and it got infected. (two weeks later singing Our God Is An Awesome God at the Presbyterian church)
54:51 – Thieves snapped the year of Seth’s license plate to put the sticker on their own registration in 2003. Seth went to the DMV, the lady threw the plate in a box with 10 others that it had happened to. Seth’s ’77 Chevy Cheyenne had cablights and old license plate, but got the new license plate with the cursive California. On top of that, he got pulled over on New Year’s Eve for having colored cablights, wakes up on New Year’s Day and there’s already a ticket from LAPD on his windshield. He finally brings the truck to the Armenians’ truck, and he just gives it to them – and leaves his bootlegged Guns n Roses tape in the tape deck from when they played the Avalon in 1987
5:31 – While Seth is doing pre-pro, Jonathan accidentally calls Seth while his Blackberry is in his pocket and he is talking to someone about his identity theft problems, etc. Seth also explains that Jonathan is one of those tailenders who finishes up a conversation with another dude and then comes in to the current phone conversation. After 10 seconds Seth realizes he isn’t tailending it, he accidentally called
7:08 – Jah had accidentally dialed Seth when Jah was in the middle of a full therapy session. Jah heard a tiny little voice coming from his crotch area and panicked. Seth could hear crying from the Jah-man
11:00 – CVS overexposes film from Seth’s disposable cameras. Seth is pissed that he loses 27 phenomenal photographs. Jonathan thinks that Seth is one of 3 people still in that world who develop disposable camera film. He thinks the CVS people aren’t even trained to handle the machines. (12:11)
14:18 – On Mondays Seth goes to his supermarket and reads his Newsweek. It doesn’t get delivered to his house until Tuesday but it’s on newsstands on Monday, which makes him furious. He reads it in the Pavilion on Melrose by the bathroom
16:48 – Seth was at Sunset Junction last year and there were people getting chiropractic work done there
0:51 – Jonathan has seen Radiohead three times and it’s changed his life twice. He saw Radiohead at the Greek Theatre – Jah was working at a music store at the time and had scalped tickets. Lead singer Thom Yorke walks in the music store and talks to Jah about some of the gear. Jah tells him he’s a huge fan and Thom said he’d put him on the list, and he writes down Amir’s name to have a ticket waiting for him. Stage manager comes back with wadded-up piece of paper to get Amir in. Five minutes later Radiohead walks on stage. “Best show ever. Changed my life.”
9:38 – Jonathan’s story about being discovered as “The Wizard” after he had gotten clean
26:19 – Somebody was talking to Jonathan about drinking a 40 and Jonathan wondered where you would even get a 40 – he suggested you’d have to order them off the internet and can’t remember the last time he saw one. It took Jah a half-hour to park and he saw four people getting arrested right there
26:45 – On Sunday, Seth saw dudes down on the ground, cops on them with guns drawn at 3:30 in the afternoon. Jah: “Somebody buy this show so we can get Seth out of here. My car’s days are numbered here.”
47:47 – Jonathan’s hilarious road rage story with a WWII vet: “I wanted to rape him.”
52:35 – Seth watches the documentary Zoo, where a group of dudes bone Arabian stallions. Jah quotes Seth: “A giant San Francisco cock isn’t enough for you? You need to get fucked by a horse? Some giant double dildo huge huge gay human cock isn’t enough for you that you got to be fucked by the horse?”
1:01 – Jah was straight edge for a while. He put an "X" on his hand. He didn’t smoke, drink, eat meat or fuck
49:33 – Seth was a junior in high school and remembers the hallway he was in when he saw a kid wearing a COWABUNGA Bart Simpson t-shirt and was wondering who that was
52:40 – Jah is a Lost watcher, which he doesn’t talk about. During this week’s episode his HD signal messed up and he called around to ask friends to TiVo it, but someone finally tells him to just download the episode from iTunes for $1.99
0:55 – Bank of America guy on phone with Seth tells him to “wait until the witching hour” for his transaction to post
2:04 – Seth is at The Dressing Room in Sherman Oaks (5 ingredients of a salad free, then 0.65 for each extra ingredient), where he goes in under the alias ‘Jack.’ Never thought he’d get a better celeb there than Jessica Simpson. He’s there on Tuesday when in walks Jamie Luner, then Heather Langenkamp walks in and they’re talking (both were in Just The 10 Of Us)
6:42 – Jonathan talks about going onto JeffBridges.com and reading the weirdo Brit posters on the message board
24:43 – Last summer, Seth punched the wall and screamed at Mother Nature because of how hot it got for a six-day stretch in L.A.
27:40 – Seth’s story about going to Rose Bowl Flea Market, seeing Jason Schwartzman in an Oxford shirt and khaki shorts. Sees a lot of tan people with yin-yang tattoos. Dude selling open used VHS movies – Metro and Little Nicky, 2 for $5. Nazi necklaces - $15. Jonathan would go there and buy all kinds of dremel bits that he’ll never use
33:46 – Seth goes to the set of The Half Hour News Hour to watch his friend Kurt Long tape the show and do rehearsal, etc. Seth is eating Cheetos and there’s a weird jittery dude eyeballing him, Seth kind of ignores him. Two other dudes were working on a cable and were going to cut it but didn’t have a knife. Jittery dude goes “Neither one of you guys have knives? You’re obviously not married!” Seth looks at Kurt, who explains that it’s the warm-up guy and he’s the worst ever, that he told a joke about NSync working at Burger King and saying “Fries Fries Fries!” Seth runs back down to the set to hear the dude telling some of his wack jokes: What’s your name? Matt? I got one of you on my front porch? Jim – snap into a Slim Jim. Bob? Jim, Bob – Hey Jim Bob, I married my cousin! … Did you see the news today – they actually captured Osama Bin Laden. He was hiding behind Angelina Jolie’s lips! Seth observes that there is another thing sitting in the crowd that they don’t know where it’s a man or a woman. Jokes continue: I almost didn’t get here, I drive a Ford Tortoise. It goes 0 to 60... eventually. I used to drive a Dodge Neon. You know why they call it a Neon? Knee on the wheel, knee on the dash, etc.
40:39 – Jah also used to see several wack warm-up dudes when he would go to tapings of Night Court. They would figure out who Jah was and he was automatically the volunteer
1:45 – Listener Christine (insurance adjustor) tells of crank caller: “I got an injury. Mack Butts. Show me your tits.”
10:30 – While at Hollywood Park, Seth overhears a dude saying “Yeah, he fucked an Arabian stallion, it was on the news.” Seth is tempted to chime in on Zoo but holds off after he hears the 60-year-old female bartender say “Better hold on tight.”
13:41 – Jonathan being an asshole during his private tour of Sony Theaters with wife and in-laws: “…Yeah, you know, it’s like back when I was on the Night Court set… I was a lot kid.”
30:05 – Jonathan admits to going to a tanning bed to get a base tan for his trip to Hawaii after Seth calls it exactly
37:15 – Jah saw Seinfeld the other day driving his crazy blue Porsche in Sherman Oaks, Seth got Justin Chambers driving
1:34 – Seth used to have Varnays back in eighth grade, he also used to have, he also had chums that he would wear as a necklace. He also had a Pop Swatch and would take the faceplates off and put them down on their crotches
10:27 – Jonathan retells the story of the guy walking by with a stack of Garbage Pail Kids, 20 minutes later walking back out of the comic book store with the same stack (originally told in Episode 037, 41:07)
19:53 – Jonathan was in a sketch with Jon Lovitz. His dad was hosting Saturday Night Live so he went to New York with him, and the producers put Jah in a sketch. Lovitz was playing Picasso in a restaurant and his punchline was “I’m Picasso!” Jah played a kid doodling on a piece of paper, and shows it to Picasso, then Picasso signs it and makes it worth something. Jah got a $358 check for the sketch. Randy Newman was the musical guest.
27:18 – Jonathan’s story about going to Topanga Days. He explains there was still some allure from the 60s and 70s, then there’s just this other element that’s just the tired, run-down, sad and forgotten and sun-drenched and booze-ridden ex-hippies. It cost $15 for admission. John Doe was playing on stage by himself, and Jah says he did the shittiest Joni Mitchell cover. Jah sees dudes he used to see around back in the day who are still doing the same thing and drinking like crazy. He saw the hottest 15-year-old hippie girls walking around, one of them talking to another saying “…yeah he’s really cute he’s like Jack Sparrow.” Jah walks by the “healing” section and a poetry writing group where you could get a custom poem, then sees Andy Dick standing in the poetry reading tent being hugged by eight little kids. He sees a lot of weird rashy fucked-up ankles
55:39 – Seth’s story about working with John Larroquette in a movie, catching an extra with a notebook, writing about being up front and thinking John Larroquette is gay
1:03 – Seth standing at a crosswalk and overhears a couple talking about this funny SNL skit called “dick in a box”
2:03 – Seth was at a quaint little street fair in LA where he would expect things like petting zoos, rock climbing and some kettle corn. He got all that, but he also got a gang of scientologists up in his grill handing him a brochure and DVDs talking about the creepy psychiatry museum from Episode 061
3:25 – Jah used to take swimming lessons at Pan-Pacific Park, and was petrified of the Orthodox Jewish kids in the locker rooms because they all had shaved heads and ringlets – he tells his mom that he thought they were punkers and that they were going to beat him up
5:32 – Jah sitting at a Starbucks sees what he thinks is a husky man, but can’t figure out what brand of shemale this is – overhears her talking about Seraphim Falls
10:31 – Seth was filling out a questionnaire at the optometrist and one of the questions was GENDER AT BIRTH? Seth had not seen this before. When Jah was in the 6th grade he was exposed to the “Penis at 12” syndrome, and he had to make sure the girls he were dating didn’t suffer from it
13:36 – Jah in a 7-11 overhears two bros getting excited about 50 in a Source magazine
41:22 – Seth had a Pac Man painter’s hat with the tails, and Jah thinks that is the best thing ever. Seth’s friend Donny Hills had one too. Jah had a similar painter’s hat with tails and a rat tail to go with it
42:03 – Jah watched some dudes on a corner who were really good at breakdancing and he ran up and tried to breakdance with him. His mother was so embarrassed that she ran up and grabbed him and pulled him away
14:41 – Seth’s story about reading obsessive fan mail from Jolie that was sent to Jay Leno in March ‘98 left behind by his former roommate and Tonight Show P.A. Seth reads some excerpts: “…are you mad at me because I went to the Icehouse? … Your show’s really funny tonight. You look better now than when you first did when I met you. You seem to have more life in you. I love that movie Little Mermaid. …” Jah: “I am so hard right now. I’ve never been so hard in all my life.” (19:16)
1:20 – Jonathan dictates a paper he wrote in high school on his field trip to Benjamin Hill, Mexico. “…I was put somewhere to get away from the crap in my life and get completely engulfed in a different culture’s crap; to the point of forgetting about all the crap I had back at school and at home. The growing I did at B Hill with the natives was one thing, but I must comment on the amount I grew with others from my own school. …”
7:30 – Jah explains that his host in Benjamin Hill, Mexico, named Cain, found out early on that Jah was looking for weed and took him to a dude’s house (scariest guy Jah’s ever met) and he bought a huge bag of crazy marijuana from him. He got down toward the bottom of the bag and realized there was half a gram of cocaine lining the bottom of the bag and he’d been smoking a bag of coco puffs the whole time he was there. Cain also set up a movie viewing experience in Jah’s room with a film projector and the dirtiest Mexican porn Jah had ever seen. All of Jah’s friends were in there watching it while smoking coco puffs, and halfway through the movie Jah got a raging hard-on and forced everyone out of the room except for one girl, and had terrible coked-out awful sex with her while a crazy porn is playing on the projector in the background. He found this girl on Myspace recently, she’s married now, he sent her a message congratulating her on the baby and she never responded. Cain was 30-something years old and still in high school, he had a beautiful wife. He had two girlfriends who were 15-year-old high schoolers. Jah recalls he was a terrible man. Months later a teacher came up to him at school and said they kept getting phone calls at school from a man named Cain, because Jah had promised to send crazy shit down to Mexico for him. Jah recalls driving around the hills of Mexico in Cain’s pickup truck with a home stereo system rigged out in the back playing “Rastaman Vibration” and teaching them all the lyrics.
11:12 – Jonathan and Seth went to the Gelson’s in Valley Village about a year ago this weekend and made a bet: they had to pick 5 celebrities they thought they might run into. Seth recalls picking Carmen Electra and Tara Reid. As Jah got food, Seth went up and down the aisles and could not get a single celebrity. As they were walking out, Seth did see the father from Life Goes On, Bill Smitrovich
11:54 – It took Seth a year to go back to the Gelson’s in Valley Village to buy a Balance bar and an apple, sees a pregnant woman, smiles, then the man next to him, Jason Priestly. He shakes his hand, looks him dead in the eye and says “You are the greatest.” Wife starts laughing, Priestly thinks he might be kidding, then Seth says he’s totally serious.
13:55 – Jonathan saw Nicholson broken down on side of PCH with a flat tire. Jah rolled over and started to turn in, then saw it was Nicholson and rolled out
48:49 – Identical twins scare the fuck out of Seth. He watched Good Morning America the other night at 3 a.m. and sees identical quadruplet boys speaking secret telekinetic languages to each other. GMA has been following them their whole lives and now they’re on there at age 18. They’re asked about their secret language and the one who speaks for the group says “No, it’s more advanced now. We do it with their eyes.” Seth deletes it immediately, goes to bed and tries to never think about it again
0:40 – Jonathan gets an e-mail from a listener who is also a doctor; explains the twins phenomenon
31:09 – Seth smoked three cigarettes at the Grateful Dead concert at the Boston Garden in 1991
14:16 – Jah has had dudes flash MLO at him before (Malibu Locals Only)
18:14 – Seth is going to let Bruce “Bruno” Willis off the hook. He was fighting not to see Live Free or Die Hard and the only way he didn’t get duped into it was sitting on his couch and walking the 1993 film starring Bruno, Striking Distance.
20:48 – Jah owns rescued dogs who are afraid of fireworks so he doesn’t go out on the 4th of July. While he was at home he watched a movie called Click, then gives us a recap of it
33:20 – Last year Seth watched The Da Vinci Code at the Arclight at 6 a.m. He was back on July 3 of 2007 to watch Transformers at 7 a.m. He says there was a riff-raff rough bunch there. Guy comes out, “Good morning! You’re at the Arclight! What’s your favorite Globolatron?”
35:22 – Seth went to see Passion of the Christ when it came out and there was a dude who left early and left a bag there, and Seth thought they were all dead (Episode 018, 37:46). He also sat next to a nun on his flight from Pittsburgh, and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing
42:03 – When Seth had a pickup it was on; he had women jumping into the bed and cab of his Chevy Cheyenne
42:29 – Seth went to the 7-11 at the corner of Sepulveda and Venice and it blew his mind – they turned the 7-11 into a Qwik-E-Mart. Seth had to wait in line for 20 minutes before he got in. Saw pink sprinkled donuts and other Simpsons paraphernalia
11:41 – Seth saw two movies that he thought were going to be the greatest movies ever. One turned out to be entirely unwatchable (You, Me & Dupree) and one was completely prescient (Biodome). Jah sings it out: “All we want is life beyond Biodome.” (14:23)
14:44 – Seth watched 24 hours of Live Earth. At one point he was watching it with a 14-year-old girl. When Sting came on with The Police, she looked at him and said, “Is that Bono?” Seth looked at her and said, “Yes.”
34:00 – Seth admits to wearing Jordan cologne; Jonathan wore Joop! and “a grip” of Drakkar Noir.
9:30 – Jah used to live in a rougher area. There was one especially creepy dude that he would see every day, and he found him on the Megan’s Law website and discovered he really was the creepiest dude ever
22:18 – Seth is hesitant to talk about sports because a UYD listener e-mailed Jonathan and said last week’s episode was good because there was no sports stuff in it. Jah: “I love the sports stuff because I wasn’t a very good athlete in school. I was, up until the point that I found other things to fill my time with.”
27:23 – Seth got an oversize sweater (green with red trim) that says JUST HEAR THOSE RING DING BLING A ZING “However the fuck that goes, it says that, crocheted in.” He bought it for $333.
41:24 – Seth holed himself up in Abiquiu, N.M. – got a bottle of Jack Daniels, drove into Santa Fe to get a USA Today to make sure the world hadn’t ended yet (originally mentioned in Episode 052, 19:48)
49:28 – Seth met Corey Feldman at the world premiere of Bad Wives. The only hitch was that they took the pornographic scenes out of the film for the premiere’s sake
51:08 – One of Seth’s friends was at Griffith Park, and saw one-half of OutKast. Another person whispered to him, “Do you know who that is? That’s Andre 2000.”
25:49 – While Seth was donating blood at the Children’s Hospital, he saw a McDonald’s in the hospital. Seth: “Have some fries with that leukemia.”
27:22 – Field agent Brian from Brooklyn goes to a Police concert in NJ – dude in front of him had a mullet, a NASCAR hat and a tattoo of Darth Maul. Dude has buddy with rat tail, they proceeded to hug each other and sing lyrics of Police to each other
31:19 – Jonathan saw the Harry Potter movie with Amir the night before. Jah doesn’t read the books, he just sees the movies. It was them, and two other pairs of dudes sitting in the entire theater
39:00 – Jonathan’s story about the hippie driver in front of him with an ’89 Subaru hatchback adorned with dozens of bumper stickers – “Visualize Using Your Turn Signals,” “John Stewart for President ’08,” “HumanKind – Be Both,” “It’ll Be A Good Day When Schools Have All The Money They Need And The Air Force Has To Hold A Bake Sale To Buy A Bomber,” “Where Have All The Hippies Gone?,” “We’re Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them,” etc.
43:24 – Seth’s dad, Tommy McFadden and Bruce Merrell had tickets to see Elvis on Wednesday, August 17 at the Cumberland County Civic Center in Portland, Maine – but Elvis died on Tuesday, August 16. Seth wanted the ticket but Seth’s dad had it framed and put up in Bruce’s barber shop
5:07 – Jah gets an e-mail the other day from a listener who is an ecologist living in Hungary. He found out about the show from a friend named Wendy. Wendy found out about the show when she was hitchhiking through Texas and ther person who picked her up had 20 episodes on her iPod and they listened to them on their road trip. Wendy peeped it, spread the word and now UYD is Hungary for more. Jah wants the listener who picked up Wendy to “holla back for a dope cock in your mouth.”
8:14 – Seth sang “Paul Revere” at his 8th grade talent show; Jah sang “Patience” by Guns N’ Roses with his friend Tyrone, whose dad owned Chrome Hearts. Thirty seconds before they were going to get on stage and Tyrone locked up and said he couldn’t do it. Jah told Tyrone to play the intro, then drop his pick and pretend like he was still playing. By the end of it Jah was a cappella snake dancing
16:19 – Guy sends Jah an e-mail saying “you asked for it…” with a picture of his balls – just 63 episodes after Seth made the original request in Episode 015.
44:01 – Seth was an original member of the Hunkstie Boys at Caleb Dustin Hunking Middle School in Haverhill, MA. He and his boys went out and lip-synced to Paul Revere. During the lip sync session he did the line “I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffle ball bat,” and he and his dad went to McDonald’s afterward to get a Happy Meal, and his old man was pissed at him
50:23 – Seth’s story about his night terror that was like a ‘Nam flashback and he swept 11 beer bottles off the table (first told in Episode 033)
11:16 – Seth just got some new roommates that are a little creepy – Jah had to be escorted into Seth’s studio prior to Episode 079… woman scraping dead skin off her feet and continues doing so until Jah stares her down… before show, waft of hot dogs; 15 minutes later, violent vomiting into bushes next to studio
31:10 – When Seth saw Miss Teen USA last Friday night and heard Miss South Carolina’s answer, it was one of the purest expressions of joy Seth has ever had in his life. He thought they were going to drop it on UYD and have it take them straight to the top, but like 2 hours later it was on YouTube
35:12 – Jah’s story about the ridiculously hot woman who practically strips right in front of him at the pet store
1:03:49 – Seth revisits the pet store story: “Hot women feel free to show you their vages in public and not think twice about it because it’s like their sister at home.”
6:03 – Seth’s roommates moved out this week. Jah and Seth discuss past stories about said neighbors. There used to be a van about 8 feet from the studio, and they cooked hot dogs and had wild bush vomiting into Seth’s bushes (Episode 079). There was some bathing and foot pumicing going on. Last week there was a note on the notice board – someone in the building next to Seth said “make this stop.” Seth was like, “What do you care? They’re my roommates.”
21:58 – Jonathan’s survival camp story about trying to get a dip can circle worn into his jeans pocket. At the camp, they could only take 2 showers a month. The shower was a furnace that heated water, then the hose went into a bucket with holes poked in it. A girl whom Jah had a huge crush on ran up to him in only a towel and said she couldn’t get the furnace to light. Being a survival aficionado he said he would do it. He tried to light it and it blew out. The girl had turned the gas on and left it running for like 10 minutes. Jah lit it and the entire tent was engulfed in flames. All he could see around him was fire. Jah lost two inches of his hair and both eyebrows and eyelashes in the explosion.
24:40 – Jah and friends at boarding school convince dude that he doesn’t need Ritalin; Jah snorts it while smoking opium; guy walks outside, picks up a boulder over his head and chunks it with a scream: “I like life so much better without my Ritalin!!!”
32:35 – Jonathan was quoted as saying “Naptime, Jew!” after killing someone on Halo on Xbox Live.
1:35 – While driving, Seth sees a dude driving an Escalade with “ESCA” removed to leave “LADE”
2:00 – Jonathan spotted a fat white dude at a gas station wearing a jersey with a Cadillac symbol and ESCALADE written on the back – Jah suspected it was the same dude who Seth saw at the Beastie Boys concert
3:12 – When Seth used to drive his Cheyenne, he had a t-shirt that said THIS IS A CHEVY and he could wear it while driving. Seth: “I’d rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford.”
3:36 – Jonathan is on his way home on Sepulveda at Skirball Center Drive, 10 or 15 cars back and 10 feet behind a Nissan Xterra at a dead stop. All of a sudden the car begins rolling back, Jah starts honking and the car just nails Jah. They can’t pull over, both get out. The other dude (scrawny, late 30s early 40s with glasses) is disheveled, looks at his bumper, says “No damage I guess, it’s cool,” and walks away. Jah asks him if he fell asleep and the dude goes, “No, you just rear-ended me.” Jah gets engulfed in rage and comes at him, saying he ran into him. Dude quickly gets into car and slips a “Fuck you asshole” before shutting the door. Jah spits on the dude’s windshield and gets embarrassed as other cars are just sitting there. Jah chases him along Mulholland through the canyon and calling 911. Dude turns into fire station then pulls back out. Jah is on the phone with California Highway Patrol, they ask him if he’s chasing him and tell him to stop chasing him.
50:52 – Jonathan spots Hillary Duff in public. She was wearing jeans, high heels and a sweater. Jah won’t say where he saw her, but they did make eye contact and she smiled
57:21 – Seth went on iTunes and read the comments for Uhh Yeah Dude. He says they were awesomely funny and crazy flattering
1:01:56 – It took Jonathan 15 minutes to actually speak to somebody after he called 911 while chasing the guy in the Xterra.
19:40 – Seth is watching GMA early in the morning and they’re interviewing Nick Kroll in full Caveman regalia. Introduced a cheerleading squad with children with Downs Syndrome. Camera cuts to a Disney Caribbean outing with a guy playing the steel drums in Times Square. Seth shut it off and laid back on the couch. “How’s your fevered Hunter S. Thompson nightmare you’ve just woken up to?”
21:45 – Jah was playing a part and worked with a dialect coach for an off-broadway production
24:18 – Jah has used steroids, when he was training for a trip he takes every year and does the John Muir Trail – he was 22 years old and felt a little slower. He’d been nursing a knee injury for a full training season. A guy would beat him every year and he couldn’t handle it. He was willing to go to any lengths to win but he lost anyway.
49:49 – Jah played on his boarding school’s ultimate Frisbee team
8:52 – Seth saw Jeff Speakman’s Perfect Weapon the day it came out in Lawrence, Mass., with his good friend Jimmy O’Hern, and Jimmy forgot his wallet and had to sneak back in
9:21 – Seth took a newspaper from Starbucks this week that they didn’t know he had under his arm. Jah stole something too, from a pharmacy, but he can’t remember what it was
19:54 – Jah sees a lady pushing a stroller wearing a shirt that was a spoof on the AIDS campaign ‘Red’ with a shirt that says “hammeRED.”
26:59 – Jah has noticed Starbucks’ new breakfast sandwiches and said the smell is horrendous, and when the cleaning agent they use heats up, it smells so bad. The barista told Jah that it was making her physically sick to stand next to it
1:00:00 – Seth had a gang of celebrity sightings. At his Whole Foods, looks up and sees Laurence Fishburne, then turns around and sees Mandy Moore. Turns around and sees Stephen Weber. Also sees Jerry Espenson, Jeff Goldblum, Seth Rogen, Ali Larter, Zach Quinto and America Ferrera. Jah saw Richard Grieco and talked to him for 15 minutes
11:00 – Seth is coming out of his Whole Foods and sees an 8-year-old penis. He gets a wheatgrass shot, it’s 2 p.m., he’s walking and out of the corner of his eye he sees a little kid standing among the parked cars peeing. The mom is just standing there while he’s peeing, looks at Seth and says “What?!?” Even Seth, who likes to piss outside once a day, is a little more discreet than that.
18:48 – Seth would pour everyone in Brian Peters’ Dodge Caravan and egg people. Jah has never egged anyone in his life, except when he eggs his pan in the kitchen. When he does this he yells “Boo-yah! What’s up now, faggot!”
25:20 – Jah believes in miracles b/c he got a Grateful Dead ticket with no money standing outside of a show
29:21 – About a year and a half ago, Jah ran into a guy who used to work at Fred 62. Guy asked Jah if he was on Myspace, then told him that he’s “gotten so much poon from that place.” Jah wrote down his page, and Jah had a panic attack when he looked it up. Guy is 35 – old enough to know better.
36:29 – Jah came across a Youtube clip of a taxi driver falling asleep and waking up and hitting a wall. On the comments it said the dude died, Jah didn’t believe it, then did the research and confirmed it.
10:30 – Seth spent one night at UMass and it was typical college fare – fire extinguisher going off, he saw both pantsless men and women in the hallways, saw a lot of Schlitz canned beer being consumed, some marijuana being smoked
19:26 – Jah tells story about cyberskin mouth/throat sex toy that he bought and is found by his housekeeper Mima
28:29 – At movie theater, Seth spots woman in denim shorts, fanny pack, visor: “One for Ben Stiller.”
30:22 – Seth is in traffic on Melrose and Rossmore, and hears a homeless guy carrying on an animated and intense discussion with a poster for Women’s Murder Club
31:21 – Jah watched a dude in traffic once gazing up at a Bacardi poster, looking at one of the girls like he was ready to bone down
39:40 – Seth’s story about going to a Carnivale in Hollywood after doing whippets and mushrooms behind a port-a-potty; makes out with a girl on the front lawn of someone’s house, gets a ride home from her (drunk), crossing over Gower the girl drives past the turn, then makes a premature turn at Plymouth and goes up on the curb… Seth walks away, he and his friends hear her yelling; they go to another house and drink GHB
0:57 – Seth was standing on a sidewalk during the Halloween celebration in West Hollywood and saw a man dressed up as Mystery from The Pickup Artist. Oh wait, it was Mystery – and Seth shook his and Matador’s hands, then walked down the Boulevard with Mystery as his wingman.
2:34 – Jah winds up in costume as a Deadhead. He’s standing outside of a club waiting to get in when a dude drives by and yells out the window, “You’re all faggots!!” Jah’s friend sees someone dressed as Blossom, except it was not a costume
8:56 – On Santa Monica and La Cienega, Seth partied at the Alta Cienega Hotel in Room 32 – Jim Morrison’s room – on Halloween night. Seth describes it as the tiniest room ever with a bed, small table, and everything – wall, floor ceiling – has been scrawled with graffiti and illustrations. Seth says if you walk out to the window and look out the window to the world and look up, it will read JIM’S FAVORITE PODCAST: WWW.UHHYEAHDUDE.COM
10:37 – Jah passing out candy on the porch when a teen in skeleton hoodie and gloves says, “Hey, can I get some candy from you?” Jah: “I think you’re supposed to say ‘Trick or Treat.’” He digs into the bowl; his friend comes up, takes one thing and says “I ain’t greedy.” First kid says “I am. Feel my bag.” And drops the 13-lb bag on Jah’s lap. Jah: “First of all, your costume sucks, you’re 15 and you walk up and say ‘Hey can I get some candy from you?’ Not trick or treat? You’re not even going to give me the pleasure?”
14:50 – Seth saw a homeless guy today holding a sign that said COULD YOU HELP ME? RESIDENTIALLY CHALLENGED. Seth didn’t help him b/c he didn’t like his attitude
15:27 – Jah’s story about a homeless guy spitting on his window at an off ramp outside of Las Vegas – he was having an argument with Justine while they were lost. Pulled up to a red light, looked at dude and looked back in heated conversation. Light turned green and dude hocked on the car. Jah thought about stopping but thought to himself that the dude has stabbed four people this morning: “He was so fucking scary looking.”
13:00 – Seth called some 976 sex lines back in the day, so did Jah. Jah babysat for a friend in the neighborhood and is sure he got wrecked for those things (Episode 037, 57:34).
15:15 – Seth called the Setai Hotel in the morning. After he wakes up he has to have a few hours where he doesn’t have any human contact or speaking because he has the “morning frog.” He called in the morning because he thought it would give his voice more gravitas so he would sound sophisticated. He told the receptionist he would be down there this weekend and wanted to know how much Friday and Saturday would be. Cost is $2,100 a night.
51:06 – Seth reminisces on the time when the thought of calling 911 would send you into a state of abject panic. Neither of them has called 911 – except for when Jah spit on the guy’s windshield on Sepulveda and chased him across the canyon (Episode 083)
54:10 – Jah is going to see the Ween at the Wiltern tonight. The last time he saw them was at the Wiltern – they played for 3 ½ hours, and that was the same night they lost 19-8 to the Yankees in Game 3 of the 2004 ALCS before making their historical comeback
3:03 – There was a used condom just outside the door of Jah’s car when he parked at his job today
13:04 – Seth used to work at a video store, they had a gay movie section that they would put rainbow stickers on the boxes. They used to jack them and put them on other people’s bumper stickers
22:54 – Jah ran into Mayim Bialik 24 hours after he told the story about the girl dressed up as Blossom on Halloween. Jah knows Mayim b/c she played John’s daughter on a TV show. She said he’d gained so much weight, then she puked, and she thought it was the craziest thing ever
24:02 – Seth was at a red light about 6 p.m. downtown, looks over and sees a dude leaning against a telephone pole: Kato Kaelin
29:28 – Jah was speaking to two women at a dinner last night. They were talking about putting electric blue makeup and glitter all over their face and wearing Coolio braids and going up to Timothy Leary’s mansion and doing whippets with him
55:11 – Jonathan says the Ween show was awesome. Crowd wasn’t very good looking but there was plenty of 4-20 to go around. Three-hour show. Epic. New songs from the new record. Security not caring about anything, etc.
10:17 – A friend of the show, Timothy, had an art project he started in school called “The Penny Project.” The idea was that b/c it cost too much to make pennies, they would stop making pennies b/c there’s an abundance of them. He’d get people to send them pennies, store them in a giant vault, and then accrue enough of them to where he’d hold them hostage from the U.S. government and make them pay him to release the pennies
23:07 – Seth spots an attractive woman at Santa Monica and Fairfax and notices that it’s the new bad girl from Nip/Tuck (AnnaLynne McCord). Seth tells her she was awesome.
33:39 – Jah’s friend who was a carny told a story about the old-school chef who traveled with the carnival he was with. A lot of hippies had become carnies and were vegetarians, and the chef would do terrible things to the vegetarians like spit in their veggie soup or add bacon to things
1:00:15 – Jah reads an iTunes comment about UYD: “… I hope they are all not longer than about 30 minutes … the one main speaker is a bit much, perhaps he shouldn’t talk as much. … the second-best podcast I’ve heard in a while… the monkeybox is still the best.”
3:20 – Jah’s terrible graphic sinus infection story about getting sinuses scraped – Amir’s dad got one, got sick, goes to bathroom to throw up, gauze goes back into throat, can’t breathe so he’s puking and suffocating to death… has to stick hands in mouth and pull gauze out of throat through raw passages – most excruciating experience of his life
9:42 – Jah has been pulling a couple shifts at the store and there is a 16-year-old girl working there for the holiday season. She listens to some dope stuff but also some Soulja Boy, reinstilling Jah’s faith that we aren’t too far gone. She went to the bathroom and couldn’t find the switch; Jah tells her there’s a string on the ceiling. She replies, “What?! A string to turn the light on?! That’s so old school!” Jah realizes that he’s in fact dead.
22:21 – Jah’s story about his mom getting hammered at the Ivy on mojitos – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes show up, Jah’s mom says, “You know what I think, they’re taking pictures of the wrong people. They should be taking pictures of all of you, because you’re all beautiful.”
25:46 – Jah’s story about being at the Staples Center for a Lakers game – Jack Black appears on the jumbotron in a pre-recorded tape, cuts to live action of him sitting on floor, then it cuts to Jah on jumbotron, then to Jack Black, then back to Jah, etc. 5,000 people say something to Jah on the way out of Staples Center … four days later in Hollywood, dude asks him “Hey were you at the Laker game?” A week later, beautiful girl in Mexican restaurant: “Were you at the Laker game a week ago?”
29:16 – Jah was at a coffeehouse, hears a dope song, is loving it, then finds out it’s the new Britney Spears record
4:37 – Seth is waiting at a red light, sees what he thinks is a Honda Accord, but it says Porsche 914 on the back. Seth describes it as a Civic and an an Accord and a 280ZX had a baby and it birthed a Porsche 914
7:36 – Jah sees a bumper sticker while in traffic this week: “Got Christ?” and in tiny letters, “It’s hell without him.” Another one: “Real Men Pray.” Seth sees another bumper sticker: “Searching for Christ? Find his mother” on a creepo rape van
1:02:16 – Jah hears that Tara (a.k.a. ohemgeeitsme) posted her boobs on the forum
1:46 – Seth sees a license plate on a Jetta on the freeway: RUB1OWT. Seth gives him the thumb’s up, dude with huge sunglasses nods at Seth like yeah.
2:40 – Jah sees a license plate on a Passat at the Hollywood Bowl: JSTILES. But it wasn’t Julia Stiles. Later, in Culver City, at 3 a.m. he sees the exact same car. It still wasn’t Julia Stiles.
19:59 – Jah goes to Great Western Forum to see Lakers in late 90s, on the way out he goes out The Forum Club exit, all the Laker Girls are hanging out in sexy clothes – Jah sees a faded Snoop Dogg standing next to him. Group of 4 Hispanic dudes freak out and run up to him, saying “Snoop! Keep it real yo! Compton!” Snoop’s like, “Yeah, yeah.” Jah hears him under his breath say “Yeah, odelay and shit.”
23:25 – Seth rode an elevator with Tupac Shakur at the Beverly Center. It was Seth, an elderly Asian woman and Tupac. On eighth floor, Tupac gets out, little 10-year-old kid getting on and goes bonkers. Tupac went to do his business and the kid followed him, jumping up and down.
26:59 – Jah was in third grade, teacher walked out and another teacher at door told her about the Challenger explosion, she was sobbing
27:29 – Seth was sitting on the lawn at an assembly in 8th grade, Mrs. Sullivan leaned in and whispered in his ear: “Len Bias is dead.”
35:13 – Seth had a buddy who did time at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility. They would serve a balogna sandwich and an orange and a carton of milk for meals. They keep it at 40 degrees so viruses won’t spread. They would let them watch Friends in a common room at 7:30, then would shut it off at 5 minutes to 8:00 and call for bedtime. Seth claims this is why the recitivism rate is so high because they won’t let them finish the episodes (Episode 007, 15:48).
55:06 – Story about Jah’s crazy neighbor: “You’re always playing drums. No, that’s my neighbor. I do electronic music. Oh, you make beats!” Three months ago, he hears violent screaming, that neighbor is being strapped onto a stretcher being shoved into the back of an ambulance. Rolls back in a few days ago and Jah sees him smoking a cigarette, lost weight, head shaved. Same dude who introduced Jah to a crazy homeless woman at a convenience store. Asked Jah for money.
58:24 – Jah gets grifted again. Lovely early 30s black woman comes to his door and says she came from a battered marriage and was put to work through an organization that is helping her sell magazine subscriptions. Jah buys two subscriptions for like $170: Automobile magazine and Domino magazine.
23:30 – Jah drives by a luxury used car dealership by his house around 9 p.m., sees a person out there bundled up and drawing a basket of presents on a wall mural. When he comes back at 3 a.m. she’s still drawing. Leaves next morning at 10 a.m. and she’s still there, etc. For 4-5 nights this is going on. Ends up with Santa Claus in a Model T, and then “Drive Your Dream” written in the background. It sucks.
1:06:05 – The Jogger show went awesome
1:11 – Jah got his hair cut by one of Jonathan Antin’s minions and came out looking like Kenny G. It was shiny and hard and gelled and he felt like an asshole. He was in the studio with Wag and he came back and they were like “Looks good, dude,” but Jah was sure they were thinking it was horrible. There were the hottest girls working there, and he recalls seeing Jonathan Antin there also. He also remembers looking over and someone had dropped off a crazy homeless person to get a makeover. The dude tried to start combing her hair and couldn’t even get through one brushstroke
19:47 – Seth and his mom are in Larchmont Village, sees James Spader with his girlfriend and teenage son, introduces himself and his mom since they have the Boston connection. Seth mentions to Spade-dog that he does a podcast with John Larroquette’s son. He also mentions that his 1990 book Separated at Birth: Part 2 by Spy magazine has William Shatner and John Larroquette separated at birth. Spade-dog loves it, and Seth tells him he mailed it to John.
26:28 – Jah sees one of those Indian/Pakistani grifters who do sleight of hand brain-teaser bullshit and engaged him by saying “You are a lucky man.” Jah said “thank you” and kept walking. He tries to figure out if 1) they are all over the country, 2) what is this defacing of a wonderful people, 3) if it’s really profitable, etc. Often they try to walk you to an ATM to get more money from you. Jah admits he got grifted by one of them between 5-10 years ago. Seth has never dealt with one and tries to pull girls away from them on Larchmont. One of Jah and Seth’s mutual friends, referred to as “Lavachielli,” has been known to go off on them
51:58 – Jah waits outside with candy on Halloween night, wearing his Terminator zip-up hoodie. Kid told him he liked his sweatshirt and had the same one in black. Two days later he finds the same one being sold at a kiosk in Sherman Oaks for $50.
53:59 – Seth took his mom to Pinkberry, she got some samples and hated them, so they went to Baskin-Robbins for some ice cream. Michael Rappaport was there and couldn’t control his unruly children
10:18 – Guy Jah knows had an art show in Provo Utah, said it was the scariest place ever. Had an argument but the Mormons couldn’t express their anger with him. Another guy he works with flies out to Provo and searched “gay bars in Provo” and it was blocked from the lobby computer. Got on his laptop, got on their server, still couldn’t search it. Called friend in Australia and asked him to search “gay bars in Provo” and send him the links. E-mail gets confiscated on the way in, so guy has to put them in a PDF file and that finally went through
14:20 – Jah likes to get on headset and talk smack while Amir plays, heard a girl on there arguing with her boyfriend and yelled “Suck my clit!” Jah finds out that she’s 19 years old and is a doughmaster at Pizza Hut
20:18 – First Hummer Seth ever saw was in September 1995, he was driving north on Highland just south of Sunset. An armored tank drives up next to him and Seth flips out. Jonathan remembers seeing the Lamborghini jeep they made in the 80s that was supposed to 120 mph with 4 flat tires across a desert, but it ended up being a complete failure wrought with technical problems. Eddie Van Halen had one and Jah remembers seeing him roll up in Malibu with one and thinking it was the craziest thing ever
1:02:10 – Jonathan did a demo for a cell phone commercial that we don’t know if he’s gotten yet. They wanted something in the vein of Daft Punk, and his demo was well-received. They still haven’t pulled the trigger on it and it’s a little frustrating to Jah. It’s for an unlimited calling plan for Boost Mobile and the plan is called UNLTD
1:15 – Two hours after uploading Episode 098, Jonathan gets a text message that reads GOLDEN CUM ASS, PS I FUCKED YOU, CHARLIE WILSON’S WHORE, 1 MISSED CALLGIRL 18, JEW HO, COCKED HARD: THE DO ME COCKS STORY
7:59 – Jonathan walked into his local Starbucks, said to his barista, John, that the smell from the cleaning products used on the new panini makers was wack, he was told that the smell was a problem and now to combat the smell they’re getting new espresso machines with giant vents on the front to push out more aroma to overwhelm the stench.
39:35 – Jah reveals that Blaise was the name of the kid he was babysitting when he made all those phone sex calls he talked about in Episode 037 and Episode 090
43:19 – Seth is at Hugo’s minding his own business, getting two bowls of soy chorizo honey chipotle, extra guac, extra sour cream, some dude rolls up in a Porsche and yells “Hey! Cowboys gonna lose on Sunday!” Seth just looks back and says “Really?” Dude: “Your boy T.O. ain’t playin’!” Then he peels out against traffic before Seth could think of a witty response
3:36 – Chris, the female worker’s comp insurance adjustor from Hawaii is mentioned again (Mack Butts – Ep. 66). Claim was filed – 21-year-old virgin girl who works at Best Buy was unloading a box of DVDs onto the shelves. In the box was a porn DVD. Girl freaked out, left, went to a therapist. Therapist took her off work with full disability for two weeks. Best Buy denies the claim. Seth is “with” the girl.
19:07 – Jonathan walks into Art’s Deli shortly after his dad had appeared on the view. The 80-year-old woman behind the counter swipes Jah’s card and just stares at the name. Eventually she goes “Are you related to John Larroquette?” Jah: “That’s my father.” Deli person: “We were just talking about him.” Jah didn’t even know he was on The View.
21:54 – Jah had a friend whose mother gave birth to him on acid in the ocean in Hawaii. Seth: “Is that a good start or a bad start?” Jah: “The best start, but the worst start for an actual life arc.” Seth: “How did he turn out?” Jah: “He was a wreck the last time I saw him.”
0:40 – Jah has bought a grip of crazy survival knives after seeing the Rambo movies
11:10 – Jah was on a Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel, and the two older Mexican kids next door to him convinced him to get off of it and sit on a hill of red ants. He sat on it and the red ants went up his butthole. “But that’s what happens when you walk around naked in an urban neighborhood.”
11:47 – Seth joined the soccer team in high school and it got him on a crazy drinking binge that lasted 15 years. “Thanks seniors. Thanks 15 years of hell.” They made Seth take his asscheeks, open them up and sit down on a soccer ball, then come up and kick the soccer ball out. For two weeks, Seth couldn’t walk. “You don’t understand. It hurt like fuck.” They also took one of his friends in a locked locker, pulled out their pricks and pissed on him.”
14:07 – The day of the Challenger accident, Jah was in third grade when the teacher got news from her door and started crying (first told in Episode 095)
18:18 – Jah watched the Cowboys-Seahawks game with Seth last year when Romo botched the snap. He says Romo blew it this way in a crazy way, but he’s getting super laid.
19:20 – Jah had a celebrity sighting this week – Jessica Simpson at Hugo’s in Studio City with her mother and another woman. Got into a brand-new white Mercedes SUV. Says she was short but super cute.
19:58 – Seth saw Kate Mara of Shooter on the sidewalk when he was turning on Ogden by Fairfax High School
26:20 – Jonathan used to go to Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Santa Monica to pick up lunch because his studio used to be right across the street. Seth used to have a spot there when he was homeless and just read
27:37 – Jah has been helping out his friend, a wardrobe stylist, who has hired him to be an assistant to drive a van and carry heavy stuff. The first morning the job took place, he unloaded the van with his friend and her assistant, then went to park the van. Parking lot was full, so he was told to go to next lot down the street. As he pulls up to the Pasadena-area lot at 7 a.m., it’s completely empty with only the parking attendant there. Rolls down his window, says hi, parks the van. Pulls his cash out when he sees the sign for $8, and the attendant says it’s $13. Jah asks why because it says $8, but the dude says $8 plus $5, and takes the $15 from Jah’s hand and gives him no change. Attendant tells Jah to move his van because it’s too big. Jah’s reply: “Or you could just give me my fucking money back.” Dude gives him the money, and Jah says “You don’t have to be a fucking dick about it, dude.” As Jah pulls out, he winks and waves at the attendant, and the attendant gives him the finger. Jah parks elsewhere for $5, exit he takes dumps him out right in front of the dude. He walks past the guy’s lot to go to the place, and the dude is sitting in his passenger seat. Jah gets as close as he can to him, and open hand smacks on his back window four times real loud, then screams at him “IT’S TOTALLY COOL! I FOUND PARKING SOMEWHERE ELSE!” Then realizes he’s scared the man beyond recognition. Following a long pause, he looks over his shoulder and the dude is in his booth riffling around, then comes out with a 9-iron spitting on himself. At the same time, the shuttle pulls up and the Armenian driver tells the attendant to calm down. Jah joins in and starts screaming at the dude again. As Jah gets in the shuttle van and shuts the door, he realizes all the talent for the photo shoot for that morning are in full hair and makeup, smiling and scared shitless. Armenian guy told Jah that it was $13 because it’s an extra $5 for vans. Seth thinks Jah was in the right
37:50 – Jonathan updates us that he has not received one of his magazine subscriptions he originally talked about in Episode 095 when he got grifted
38:23 – Seth got a parking ticket on Christmas Day – coming home from church with his mother (Christ The King, Rosmore and Melrose), was in his apartment for 15 minutes, walked back outside and had a $65 ticket
40:35 – Jah saw the greatest concert of his life the night they shot Episode 100 – saw Cornelius play at the Walt Disney Hall. He and Amir both declare it “the best live show we’ve ever seen.”
50:25 – Jah ate at a Marble Slab the other day and said it was very good
57:19 – Seth and Jonathan two years ago thought they’d get a handle on things. Thanksgiving 2005, America was in a state of flux. They sat down on a washing machine in Sherman Oaks and wanted to get to the bottom of this. Two years later, they’re 15 years behind, claims Seth.
58:45 – Jah and his dad were talking about Jah needing to make money and get a job that pays him instead of just letting him hang out with MILFs and their dogs, and Mr. Larroquette suggests that Jah gets one of those Second Life jobs where he is hired to play it eight hours a day as another guy
1:00:09 – That story is only to be trumped by Jah’s mother suggesting that Jah become a high-end bodyguard because he’s personable and people would enjoy talking to him. However, she said he’d have to clean up a bit and take martial arts classes
1:02:49 – Jah was watching a reality show Becoming Miss America. One of the judges, a celebrity stylist, commenting on a contestant who put together her own gown: “Ooh, that girl is the Bomb.com.” Seth wants Jah to buy that domain name, but Jah can’t even buy jogger.com.
1:41 – Jah tells UYD listener Bill’s story from a few years back, pulling up to a 7-11 drunk one night. Standing outside the 7-11 was a dude in full fishing regalia and is aircasting into the parking lot. Bill asks him if he’s caught anything good tonight, and the dude snaps on him, walks into the store and starts hitting him with the fishing rod. Dude has cerebral palsy, Bill finally grabs the guy but his hands get hooked on his lures and cuts his hands. Guy keeps hitting Bill harder with the rod and Bill decks the dude, dude falls out through the door and the group outside flips out on Bill, thinking he was picking on the disabled guy
4:31 – Seth says Rambo lived up to the hype – he gave three or four standing ovations during the film
18:36 – The first time Seth learned about the “…in bed” addition to fortune cookies, he was a senior in high school and was out to dinner with his girlfriend’s family at a Chinese restaurant. Her father read the fortune and said something when he finished (“under the sheets”) and Seth cackled to play along, even though he had no idea. Seth also claims this is the only time he’s ever eaten Chinese food.
21:58 – Seth and his childhood homey Peter Martilucci had to go to CCD to learn about Catholicism every week. They would always have baseball hats on, walk in step with each other, take the step into the church and take their hats off
22:37 – Jah’s mother took him to see Stand By Me in Oxnard, and on the drive back Jah was looking out at the ocean, crying his eyes out. She asked him what was wrong, and he said, while sobbing, “I want friends like that.”
47:48 – Seth went to see Mickey Rooney in Malibu at Playhouse West about 10 years ago. Seth had a difficult time focusing on Rooney’s stories because he had enormous balls. He couldn’t believe no one else was noticing this. But Seth did hear one of his stories about busting his leg up on a toboggan in the 1930s. Rooney was recuperating at Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital at age 15; on the 6th floor a woman was being born that he would marry in 1978 as his eighth wife
58:00 – Jah went to watch Arsenio Hall clips with Frank Zappa and thought that 1) He met Arsenio Hall when his dad was on (he had enormous hands); and 2) He was a good talk show host and should be back on the air
1:01:05 – Jah rifles through the people he’s met, then Seth starts rattling off celebrities to see if he’s met them
1:04:43 – Seth has met Jay Leno when he went to see Jeff Goldblum, Goldblum invited Seth and Nick Lang into the green room to do pre-interview
52:03 – Seth is still recovering from Jah’s story in Episode 093 about loving Britney Spears’ new album
54:22 – Jah received a bunch of e-mails from the Craig’s List ad that UYD listener John posted with Jah’s phone number. One of them was a request to sit on opposite beds and beat off on each other, included a photo of his balls hanging over the edge of the bed with his oddly shaped erect penis sticking up
1:05:20 – Jah stopped eating cheese
6:32 – Seth is sitting on his couch on Sunday night contemplating his life, thinking about how old they are and how he can’t work a cell phone. He thinks about his old cell phone number, 323-333-5919, wonders who has his number now and calls it. He hears: “Please enjoy the music while your party is reached,” then hears the Hole song “Violet”, then a chick saying “Hey this is Pistol. Leave a message.” Seth calls again to try to transcribe the message and Pistol answers the phone
16:34 – Jah trimmed his pubes the other day, and asks Seth if he does the same kind of manscaping. Seth says he is camera ready at all times. Jah is so itchy that he doesn’t know what to do. At one point in his life he rolled bald for about a year
33:08 – While at a restaurant together, Seth tells the waitress that Jah is vegan so the kitchen needs to be alerted
42:48 – Jah’s “Awesome God” story from Episode 061 is rehashed when Seth talks about Time Life’s new 30-anthem Christian box set. Seth is heard falling on the floor in hysteria at the recollection of said story
46:02 – Jah spotted a dude his age in a Spuds Mackenzie t-shirt – he almost gave him props, but he was wearing True Religion jeans and killed it
46:15 – Seth saw a dude getting a wheatgrass shot at Jamba Juice wearing a jester hat and a crazy oversized cloak black jacket, bellbottom jeans with hooks down his calves and knees, and big thick 6-inch black sole boots with metal front. Then he sees a normal white dude wearing American Eagle jeans, bad Reebok trainers and an ill-fitting t-shirt and his hair is bleached red. It sends him into a full panic
2:07 – Seth references the porn star Jah saw in the mall, Mr. Marcus (Episode 015)
3:05 – Jah saw a broad walking around Ralph’s the other night with a smudge on her forehead
3:33 – Seth was in the 7-11 across the street from his house last Friday around 7:15 a.m. He was buying a newspaper and was standing behind a woman and a man getting full hot dogs with all the trimmings. There’s only one dude working, Seth doesn’t have any change so he has to wait for the guy to get all his relishes and shit. Seth is puzzled that someone is buying hot dogs at 7:15 in the morning.
7:50 – Seth got grossed out by watching a tape of Gene Simmons having intercourse on the internet
10:40 – Jah used to steal from his lunch truck for about a year, was digging it, and then he just stopped
15:07 – Jah goes into a CVS to get a prescription b/c Justine is sick – had an allergic reaction to Tamaflu with violent vomiting. CVS says they don’t have the anti-nausea medicine that he needs. Dude asks, looks around and finally finds it 20 minutes later sitting on top of a computer. Then he says it will take 15 minutes to fill it. Justine calls him and is vomiting violently. At this point Jah has been at CVS for an hour, and notices that the tag they put on the bag says THIS PRESCRIPTION WAS FILLED IN UNDER 15 MINUTES. Jah can’t believe it.
19:16 – Jah got his friend tickets to Jay Leno b/c his dad’s coming into town; however, he couldn’t get tickets to the Dodgers-Red Sox game that Seth did. Seth wants to pod from Dodger Stadium
28:39 – Seth buys a French vanilla Slim-Fast at a 7-11 for $1.89 on Wednesday and everyone looks at him like he’s a whacko.
29:08 – Jah thanks all listeners who have sent pictures to his phone b/c he finally learned how to see them. He got some dogs in funny sweaters, a sweet vajay-jay – turns out it belonged to the lover of his friend Kami
34:15 – Jah missed the lunar eclipse the night before. Seth saw it while standing on Santa Monica Blvd. among a bunch of other people. He gets in the Plymouth Sundance and hears Jim Ladd on 95.5 KLOS in the middle of a hippie moment, saying he’s going to get a sweater and put on Dark Side of the Moon.
46:05 – Seth watched his Baywatch on WLVI Ch. 55 in Boston with the band he was in, “Mosaic,” made up of Seth, Brian Bowman and Ray Worsdale. They all had a dorm together, and they would get really high and watch Baywatch on Sunday nights and midnight. Seth was the utility player of Mosaic.
52:58 – Jah saw Randy Jackson the other day. He walked in to Earth Café, there was a guy getting money for homeless shelters in L.A. Jah gives the burner dude money. Twenty minutes later he hears horrible singing, and realizes the guy who was collecting money was giving Randy Jackson a little audition: “Cause I’m comin’ … like a heart attack!!!” His friend filmed it and high-fived him afterward
5:49 and 33:58 – Seth wanted to get an earring in 1986 and was beggin his dad for it, but it was not happening with him. His bud Peter Martellucci got his pierced, but not Seth
6:05 – Jah got his first earring pre-body piercing fiasco which he went through (had giant plugs in his ears). He convinced his father when he was 13 or 14 to get an earring, they went to Melrose and he picked out his gold hoop. He put in a stud first and let it heal but he desperately wanted a silver hoop. After he was done, he looked to his dad and said, “OK, it’s your turn,” and Mr. Larroquette got his pierced and kept it in for a long time. … 7:39 – Years later Jah got into body piercing and started apprenticing at a body piercing shop on the Venice boardwalk in the summer, which was “epic.” His bud Mike was the body piercer and a crazy Israeli dude ran the place but was never there. Jah’s first job was to learn how to use the gun. He was really nervous and marked the girl’s piercing out with a pen. She gets them and she’s thrilled, and he does a couple more and gets totally comfortable with it. Another girl comes in and asks for a second hole in both her ears, wanted one higher up in the cartilage. He loads up the gun and decides not to mark this one. He does the first, looks and does the second. Jah looks at her and realizes they’re not even at all. He panics and doesn’t say anything, the girl leaves and he tells Mike he messed it up. She comes back 20 minutes later and Jah offers to take one out, then re-pierce right next to the tender spot. He straightened it out, but only after leaving her with a bleeding hole and swollen ear
11:41 – Jah tried to ramp up sizes in his earlobes too fast and busted out the inner channel of his ear. He cut an artery and there was blood gushing down his neck b/c the guy had a wooden African taper they used which Jah wanted
12:08 – There was a guy named Buzz from New Zealand living in Venice that summer who played didge and taught both he and Mike to play didgeridoo. Jah bought his first didgeridoo from him. At this point Seth tells him to say anything that has nothing to do with hippies
13:13 – Dip back into the didgeridoo topic. Seth: “I can not talk about ponytails, earrings, didgeridoos, drum circles, tattooing, piercings, Venice, skateboarding, surfing. Everything has to be concrete urban for the rest of this show.” Jah: “Yeah, well, then, I got nothing to talk about.” … “If there’s one rule I’ve learned about playing the didge, there’s didgeridoos and there’s didgeridon’ts (47:06)
15:48 – Jah’s sister’s really good friend in high school worked at Straw Hat Pizza (Raw Rat) in Malibu, and 1 out of every 5 sodas that came over that counter had loogies in them
18:00 – Jah saw Tom Hanks on Tuesday in Santa Monica coming out of his therapist’s office. Tom, in sunglasses, looked at Jah and smiled, then put his head down and kept walking
18:35 – On Wednesday, Seth’s day was celebrity-packed. At his Whole Foods he got Dr. Shawn McNamara (Dylan Walsh) from Nip-Tuck and said “Thank you sir;” turns onto Santa Monica Blvd. and sees an Escalade containing Prince in sunglasses in the back seat; then he sees Kid (Christopher Reed) from Kid-n-Play and doesn’t tell him he was the first celebrity he saw in L.A., but he does say “Thank you Mr. Reed for your work;” then he sees C. Thomas Howell
30:10 – Jah befriended a limo driver at one point. When he was 17 the driver was driving him home from a semi-formal dance. The driver took Jah by his Culver City apartment on the way back home and started chopping his coke and offering it to Jah at 4:30 a.m. On his keychain he has a dope boat anchor, and both ends of the anchor are little coke spoons that fit perfectly in his nostrils and he snorts it in front of Jah
39:10 – Seth stopped by a coffeeshop in Koreatown called Hirie Coffee House. It was the biggest place ever and had different themes, they’re open until 4 a.m. They just serve coffee and cakes, and Seth was surprised they sold no booze there. Seth asked the guy behind the counter, “Is this a Korean thing?”
58:22 – Jah and Jogger was going to get $1,000 to play at Mountain View, eat in any one of those restaurants for free and play a lunchtime gig for the multi-billionaires who live there. They told them “maybe next time,” it didn’t happen but Jogger doesn’t know why it didn’t happen
1:00:02 – Jah heard a barista today tell the woman the sizes “small, medium and large;” not bothering to go with the Italian names
8:28 – Seth had a great spot on Mile 6 of the LA Marathon at Lucerne and Rosewood, he pulled the Plymouth Sundance around and parked it. He was enjoying his time until a small Asian woman wearing a USC sweatshirt kept making a peace sign and yelling “Right on!!” every 30 seconds. After an hour and a half, the people trickling through at the six-mile mark are way behind the pace. One dude is stumbling on his cell phone talking to someone saying he’d slow down for them. Another dude is dressed as Marilyn Monroe running by
12:32 – Jah was standing at a Starbucks this week and took note of an extremely pretty girl there. He looks over and there’s a dude in his mid-40s sitting at one of the tables, he’s turned his chair and positioned himself and says “Hey, how’s it going?” Another dude asks him if he knows her and he goes, “No, no, it’s crazy, she just has the perfect eyes for this one thing…” Dude he’s talking to is holding a business card that he has just handed him, asks him if it’s his company, and dude shrugs off
24:42 – Jah has been hiking a lot lately, about 3 miles 3-4 days a week He was hiking and saw Spencer from The Hills on a mountain bike while Jah was in his cool-down phase
28:47 – Jah likes to sneak up on dudes when they’re busily working on their computers at Starbucks and looking at what they’re doing. He watches them do the craziest moves over and over that don’t do anything, just fidgeting so they can keep their eyes looking around
33:43 – Seth tells Jah to name his two favorite peanut memories: 1) Jah had just gone into town and gotten stuff for his kitchen and he was crazy blazed and started making a sandwich. His dad would make fried peanut butter, banana and honey sandwiches and so he replicated one with some Cookie Crisp cereal on it. He bit into it and it was the best-tasting thing he’s ever had. On his second bite he had a peanut butter choke (happens to him at least twice a week to this day) when he started laughing; 2) Nut-n-honey shake or Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Love at Fred 62 or straight-up PBJ ice cream from Baskin Robbins
48:47 – Jah used binoculars 48 hours ago while birdwatching. He was sitting, minding his own business playing guitar on the couch the other night and hears a tapping at his back window. He doesn’t see anything, then he looks a little later and sees a small bird on the back door trying to get in. Jah goes outside and the bird’s wing is damaged; he takes it to his friend’s emergency vet facility at 10-11 p.m. It turns out to be a house finch (like a sparrow, with red on the throat and tail). Later, Jah sees another house finch land on his birdfeeder in the backyard and peeps it out with his binocs.
59:01 – Jah tries to explain “gleaking” to Seth. All Jah’s friends could do it and had gleak wars, but he could never do it and can only do it by accident when yawning. It’s a life skill he wouldn’t mind having
4:22 and 46:07 – The Starbucks “eyes” dude Jah spotted in Episode 107 is referenced again
13:09 – Seth goes into Blockbuster to get a couple movies, hands his card to the woman wearing a “Horton Hears A Who” headdress who is very chipper; Seth is not chipper. Seth pays, picks his movies up, asks when the movies are due, and the woman tells him “it’s on the receipt.” He asks again and she repeats “it’s on the receipt.” He opens up one of the movies and it looks like he’s just spent $300 at the grocery store. He looks all over the receipt and can’t find it, then turns to the women and goes “Just tell me when my fuckin’ movies are due!!” The other woman tells him he’s out of line and points on the receipt, as they both give him a dirty look. He sees them both again when he returns the movies.
42:51 – Seth and Jonathan’s moms have been with the show since Day 1. Sometimes Jah goes back and says he couldn’t listen to it if it were his kid
48:52 – Seth has been given an honorary doctorate from the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts. He is also the dean of students and an RA on the fifth floor for listener Matt
3:13 – Amir and Jah tossed around the idea of calling their band “Jeff’s Ship” as a partial spoof of the Jefferson Airplane/Starship theme
24:19 – Jah saw DMX in concert once. He opened up for Limp Bizkit, when Jah took his brother Benjamin (devout Bizkit-head) to the show
31:45 – UYD listener and website moderator Nick Mueller was at a Britney Spears concert in Chicago, and it was sponsored by 8 different sponsors, and in between every set change they’d come out and say “Give it up for LG!!!” Nick simply said to himself, “What am I?”
40:58 – Seth saw a grip of idiots getting headshots taken outside everywhere he went this week
3:26 – Back in the day of dial-up porn on the internet, it was the only time Amir would practice playing guitar. He would click to download a picture and then start playing until it finally downloaded
11:07 – One of the greatest live performances Jah has ever seen in his life was watching Buckethead perform at the Troubador with a band called Praxis. The incredibly tall Buckethead was bodylocking while performing some of the most ferocious electric guitar Jah had ever seen. He also had a life-size human torso that was disemboweled sitting on a stand next to him
19:20 – Jah saw James Worthy in a Starbucks, but was on the phone when Worthy walked by in a full suit. Jah looked at him in his face, but said “That’s James Worthy” into the phone loud enough to where Worthy turned and looked at him. Worthy nodded and jumped in his 7 Series
39:50 – Jah talks about a 24-hour span where the period of his life of Rastafarianism, Deadheadism and Blues Travelerism came to a tipping point, as he was being protected by Jah in order to write his first book, which would liberate thousands—possibly millions—of white men and women from the chains of Babylon. He was 16 years old in 1994, and Blues Traveler was in town for two nights, and Jah had tickets for both nights. His weed dealing was at a point where he was smoking more than he was able to produce and buy. He goes to the show in Hollywood at the Palace and brings a few friends. A lot of hash and weed are being smoked, they’re on the way back from the show driving on the PCH back to Malibu. He’s hauling ass at 3 a.m. on the PCH, car is full of smelly dudes and a gang of weed. All of a sudden he gets hit with a warm shock in his chest, and some kind of voice in his head tells him Slow down. He screeches down to 50 mph and around a blind corner 5 seconds later a cop car comes from the opposite direction. Everyone in the car is going nuts, and Jah gives thanks to Jah. He speeds back up, and 5 minutes goes by, and he gets another surge in his chest telling him Slow down. Another cop passes by and people in the car are screaming “How the fuck did you know that?!!” and he starts screaming “Rastafari!!” He has to be at school the next morning (Concord HS in Santa Monica) after 3 hours of sleep, and gets into his GMC Yukon. In the console he has a secret compartment full of weed and money. Wedged between the seat and the console is a glass bong, so he can hit it at red lights. He’s driving with Blues Traveler playing on his bumping system, and he’s playing harmonica at the same time, steering with his knees. This morning he woke up feeling blessed and protected that nothing could stop him. On the way to school, going 80 mph in the opposite direction, a cop comes down, Jah has no idea he’s there, clocks him and U turns. Jah looks in his rear view and thinks it’s going to be fine. He rolls down the window and says “You got me, I’m late for school,” and gives him the license. Cop has Jah get out of the car and puts his hands in his pockets and pulls out a fat sack of weed. He cuffs Jah, goes into his car, gets all the bags of weed and the $2,000 of drug money. He gets put in the back of the car and driven to the sheriff’s station, Jah is crying and begging the cop to give him his harmonica back so he can play it in the back of the car. Mr. Larroquette bails him out of jail, but Jah says he can’t explain the utter disappointment from him. The next night, he was taking his friend Abby to the show, but his dad told him he wasn’t going anywhere. Jah tells Abby he got arrested and gives her the tickets. Jah eats ecstacy that night, and at 2:30 a.m. he sneaks out of his house barefoot and runs through a muddy field and jumps a fence to see her when she gets back from the show to make sweet love to her. She’s not there when he gets there, but he’s X-ing his balls off. He sneaks into the house and gets into her room, and he puts on a Phish record and sits Indian-style with muddy feet on her black satin sheets. He thought that would be his fresh game. She walks in, and followed behind her is a 23-year-old dude that she had taken to the show. Jah says “Heeeey!” and tries to play it off like he wanted to kick it. He gives them the hit of ecstacy, they took it and made love and stayed together forever. Jah’s life as a Rastafarian prophet was over forever. … There was a National Enquirer blurb written about it, but they couldn’t print Jah’s name but did reference John Larroquette’s son, and it listed the amount of money and everything. Seth couldn’t get a back issue because the anthrax scare had messed up the Enquirer building in Florida
0:41 – Jonathan got to Seth’s place on Thursday to do the show. Seth didn’t hear the buzzer to his door and he waited. He could hear Jah mumbling something about Hailie Selassie I. Seth says “dude you’ve been out there for like 6 minutes.” Jah doesn’t say anything, turns heel, gets in his car and drives away. Jah leaves Seth a message telling him that Jah said to go home because it wasn’t right
8:15 – Jah: “Have you ever fucked anything crazy?” Seth: “My ex-wife. Wah-wah.” Jonathan tells the story about cutting a hole in a honeydew melon, softening up the outer skin/rind for a “soft open” so it didn’t grind on his prick and then fucking the melon: “It’s awesome.” Seth: “Did you see this to completion?” Jah: “And how.” Jonathan says it’s even better when you put the melon in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds. Jah then gives a nod to his female bodybuilding story from Episode 039 (10:19)
16:57 – There was a girl Jah had a crush on who was completely into Rick Ashley’s single “Never Gonna Give You Up,” and Jah said it was awesome. He got the single on cassette and listened to it on his Sony Walkman on a plane trip to impress her
23:17 – When Jonathan sent Seth to the Zeitgeist movie site, he pretended like it wasn’t anything. Seth watched it on his laptop on the couch when it was super late with the lights off, at one point he heard a noise and jumped. Seth checks the stove, the heat, the car, the closets before he goes to bed, etc. Seth can’t take showers sometimes b/c the doors close and with the shower curtain he’s convinced he’s going to get stabbed. When he has his eyes closed when the shampoo is in, that’s too much to go. He lays corpse-style on the bed after checking all the closets and everything and has night terrors
25:59 – Jah is happy that Starbucks is getting rid of their panini sandwiches and the machines that make them (first talked about in Episode 099) because the cleaning spray they used once it started to heat up and burn off was the worst-smelling crap ever
41:48 – Jah got into a conversation where he told a dude he saw pictures of the guy’s dog on Myspace, and the other girl goes “Ugh, Myspace?” Jah gets defensive and says “What, you Facebook? Really? Are you calling me out on having a Myspace page?” The only 2 pages Jah has are Jogger and Uhh Yeah Dude. He opted not to have a personal page because his might be creepy
48:18 – Because Seth has been talking about his wheatgrass shots so much, Jah walks on Ventura in Studio City to go get a double for himself (Seth gets a single). As he’s walking from one corner across the street, an attractive young lady looks at Jonathan sort of oddly and says “Are you Jonathan Larroquette?” Jonathan says “Yes I am” and she replies “I love your podcast.” Jonathan’s knees give out because he can’t believe this is happening. The girl found out about UYD from one of her friends who was in the Facebook group Uhh Yeah Dude. It’s the first time Jah has been spotted in public b/c of the podcast. He assumes she recognized him b/c of the photo on iTunes or because of the vidcast. She has been listening since the 90s.
19:25 – Seth reiterates how awesome his Halloween night experience was on Santa Monica Boulevard (Episode 089). There were police helicopters 50 feet above him, and he was surrounded by 400,000 people. From 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. it was complete pandemonium.
32:24 – Seth was trying to explain science to Amir, and Amir starts talking about gremlins and epic fantasy, which pisses Seth off
35:56 – Seth recalls a story that Jah forgets, when he once got a lapdance at Foreplay on Cotner in West L.A. on a Wednesday afternoon by himself to the Berlin song “Riding on the Metro” while crying during a crucial point in his life. Jah cracks up because he doesn’t remember it but it must be true because it sounds just like him
38:50 – Jonathan talks about the amount of parking meters in LA and how everyone drives, and wonders how he can walk down the street at 5:45 p.m. and watch someone dump $1.50 in quarters in the meter. He saw someone doing it the other day and told them that after 6 p.m. you don’t have to put money in. He doesn’t understand how people don’t know this. Jonathan gets a ticket every other week because he parks in the red zone to avoid a long walk to Seth’s apartment
47:40 – Jah’s hatred of bad feet is correlated with his Montessori pre-school that he went to. The guy that ran the pre-school fingered Jah’s butthole. The bathroom they would use was taken by another kid, so the husband of the couple that ran the school said he would take them in their bedroom, Jah walked through the bedroom where the wife was sleeping, and her hideous feet were poking out from underneath the comforter. But because of this he is grateful because he finds a pair of beautiful feet very sexy
53:25 – Seth was driving one day on Santa Monica and pulls up to a red light by a basketball park. He’s listening to Oldies 101, and he sees 30 girls wearing short shorts and t-shirts moving around, and dudes with whistles and footballs rolling around. He pulls up and realizes it’s two teams of women playing in that Sunday’s Bud Bowl. He gave a shout-out to Joanne McCarthy, Jenny’s sister, who was on one of the teams. Jah says he prefers the old-school Bud Bowl with the bottles playing against each other
55:31 – Jah’s friend sent a Mac laptop back and he got it back and it smelled horribly of body odor. He washed it and couldn’t get it off, and it was permeating from the inside. Some sweaty greasy tech had rubbed his balls on the motherboard and put it in, and when it headed up it was the worst smell ever. Jah’s friend threw it away because he couldn’t stand it anymore
3:09 – Jonathan experienced an earthquake when he was younger. In the aftermath, he, his brother and dad were stark naked, standing in the backyard. At the same moment they, without speaking, turned their backs and started to pee in their respective bushes. Jah’s mom was like “you have to be kidding me” and they all looked at each other and started laughing because they were alive. Jonathan was out of his mind high, and claims he knew the earthquake was happening before it happened because he’s “jah-lapethic.”
10:30 – Seth was standing at his Blockbuster at 10 a.m. on Tuesday wondering why they didn’t have Season 2 of Joey, but they inform him that it’s been pushed 2 weeks to April 29. He then references the Blockbuster story from Episode 108, 13:09, and how the women working there don’t like him. He then references the Leaf story from Episode 015, 20:09, saying he’s due to start using his notebook and writing things instead of speaking them because it usually stems from a “specific incident at a specific place where I’ll just cut off communiqué,” which he does at Leaf on Ventura.
17:50 – Jonathan picked up the phone to talk to his mother the other day, and she goes, “Honeydew melon, huh?” Jah was humiliated. Seth says his mother was putting up wallpaper very professionally while listening to UYD, and after hearing Jah talking about his fruit-fucking story she had to get down from the ladder and brace herself because she really adores Jonathan.
18:31 – Jonathan talks about the proper way to eat a mango, which he learned from his homeboys in Hawaii who gave him laced weed that quasi-paralyzed him (Stacy and Susan story – Episode 043, 3:10)
31:24 – The first prom Jah went to was when he was 13 years old. He went to several, and by the time it came time for his prom his hippie high school didn’t even have one. He admits that he got laid a few times
32:30 – For the third time, some person has fallen asleep and slammed into Seth’s dad’s parked car and totaled it. When his dad told Seth he had a cream-colored PT Cruiser Seth had a panic attack
36:35 – The other day, by the time Jah got home he had driven 90 miles, never having left LA County
46:42 – Seth was like Benicio del Toro at the end of Traffic – he used to drink at little league games
55:31 – Jah shifts to a more somber mood and admits that he hasn’t been completely honest with listeners over the last few weeks. He is currently separated from his wife Justine. “This show, for me personally, has taken on more and more meaning. The people that listen and the people that love it… it’s one of the best things I’ve maintained doing for a long time. I need to thank the listeners and I need to thank Seth for being a part of my life.”
28:22 – “Reduce, Reuse, Recyle. Rebuy.” Seth brings up the recycling slogan that girls he knew who grew up in L.A. schools are still singing to this day. Jonathan finds out that Sunny Levine’s mom is the one who came up with that slogan. She couldn’t believe Jah still knew the slogan by heart
45:06 – Seth went to a birthday party at Foo Bar one time for a gay friend. The sign behind the bar that said IF YOU DON’T LOOK 21, PREPARE TO SHOW ID, except the last part was spray-painted out and it said FABULOUS!
48:35 – Jah was in an Abercrombie & Fitch store around Christmastime. The whole store reeked of teen rape because they spray all their clothes with the A&F scent. “It was as if Drakkar Noir hated black people.” The place was completely dark, except the tables of clothes were spotlighted. Trance music was playing. A half-assed A&F model was standing at the door with a little bit of abs showing and cargos. As Jah walks in he goes, “Sup guys? Have a great time in there.”
56:31 – A listener calls the voicemail who had seen Episode 100 and is a videographer that has some fresh ideas for the show. He’s offered his services for Episode 200, and talked about getting together in month or two. Jah says it’s so many weeks away that he can’t even comprehend it. 85 weeks is a little premature
3:01 – The same co-workers who burned Seth with “Sofa King” tell him to write “Pen” and the number “15” on his hand, so seth writes PEN15 three times on his hand before realizing he is a penis
25:38 – Jah bought a PROPERTY OF ALCATRAZ t-shirt and a samurai sword when he was in San Francisco at age 10-11
37:40 – Seth was getting a peace out from a dude this week, and the dude says “Dream in color.” Seth is flabbergasted.
52:16 – Seth went in to pick up Season 2 of Joey on DVD and is pissed off to realize that Warner Home Video has decided to only release it in Canada. Jah assures him that he has connections in Canada and can get it for Seth
53:07 – Jah tells a story about the time that he got completely smashed-out drunk in boarding school. Drunkenness was a taboo subject around the Larroquette house b/c of his dad’s alcoholism, so Jah did everything else (acid, weed, mushrooms) before every trying alcohol. He had never been truly drunk before boarding school. He first downs a 40-oz Schlitz, goes to his other friend’s room and swigs Jack Daniel’s, walks down the trail and runs into 4 other friends who tell him they’re going to smoke a bowl and do Jaeger shots. Jah starts to realize he’s pretty messed up. He heads back to his dorm, falling down quite a few times, and stumbles into his room before lights-out. Jah’s rasta roommate was not down with Jah getting drunk, and tells him he needs to cover up his breath by eating peanut butter b/c it eclipses all smells. Jah stands up, gets to the door where his RA lives, and falls face-first through his RA’s door into the room and into his arms. He then bursts into tears and says he’s so sorry, etc. The RA carries Jah into the room and into his bed. Jah puts his forehead up against the plaster wall where it’s cool and starts to puke into the wall, from where it goes back into his face and he can’t even move to avoid it. Jah eventually falls asleep in his own puke, however he did not shit or piss himself. He wakes up at 5:45 or 6 in the morning, and stumbles into the kitchen area. There’s only one thing in the refrigerator, an unopened bottle of Clamato, which he opens and smells and realizes he can’t touch it b/c he’ll puke it. He finds an econo box of Cream of Wheat and makes a grip of it. The stuff expands in his stomach (would’ve been 3 people’s servings), he drops the pot on the ground, looks at the brown linoleum floor and projectile vomits the cream of wheat into a giant white pile on the floor. His drinking career was cut short – he didn’t drink again for another 2 years
4:17 – A digression into Jah’s former prep school, Verde Valley School in Sedona, Ariz., brings Seth to question why VVS keeps sending alumni-related literature to Seth’s apartment. Jah thinks this might be b/c VVS assumes UYD is making some bank
7:14 – Seth gives a quote from his father that he said in a phone conversation with Seth: “A stiff dick has no conscience. That’s what the old timers used to say.” Seth says this is not to be confused with his Auntie Carol’s quote, “Love goes where it goes, even if it’s up the dog’s ass.” Jonathan: “What about when somebody’s having a hard time putting a key in a lock, and you say, ‘Well, if it had some hair around it.’”
21:18 – Jonathan went to see Iron Man, and says it’s fine, but everyone needs to shut up about how good it is because it’s a tad overrated. During the Indiana Jones preview, a man who is there alone gives a full standing ovation at the end of the preview. At the beginning of the Zohan trailer, everyone in the theater starts laughing. Not so much laughter during the Love Guru trailer, which Jah is legitimately excited about. Standing ovation at the end of Zohan and at the end of Iron Man
49:40 – Jonathan saw a license plate 2 days ago that said I’M NOT BALLIN. I JUST BUY WHAT I WANT. Jonathan: “I don’t even know what that means. I stood there and looked at this thing for 10 minutes hoping this person would walk out so I could ask them.”
52:00 – Jonathan has fallen asleep driving more times than he’d care to talk about. He fell asleep at a red light during a driving lesson while he was getting his license. It was on Sunset and Dohini. He fell asleep at the Hornburg Jaguar, and the instructor was like “You’re not falling asleep are you?” Jonathan was completely faded at the time.
10:47 – Seth gives a special shout-out to his favorite actress, AnnaLynne McCord (Episode 092), who he met on the streets of Hollywood, for joining the new cast of Beverly Hills 90210 playing Naomi Bennett. Seth: “It was Friday, November 16, 2007, when the universe connected the dots and put us together on Santa Monica and Ogden. And I held your hand, gently—not in any creepy way.”
20:00 – Jonathan went to his storage unit the other day in the Valley, and when he went onto the floor where his is, he got 2 doors away from it and saw one that was ajar by like a foot. One of the slat doors is open, but there’s a black curtain hanging and a dim light on. As he walks by, he smells the most pungent, perfumed lotion smell that smelled like a dirty strip club. He doesn’t hear any noise. He goes into his storage room and pulls things out, 20 minutes goes by and he hears moving around, then sees a tatted creepy dude going away. Five minutes later there’s another dude with him and they go into the room. Jah wonders to himself if the dude is blowing other dudes in the room, then passes it off. But Seth confirms that this is the Missed Connections guy. Jonathan also noticed that there were no cameras there, except it was 93 degrees inside of the place. He says there were no moving of items once he went back in there, it was just dead quiet again.
35:53 – Seth was in Whole Foods and saw a dude making sandwiches, wearing a hairnet fashioned as a chinstrap to cover his bad goatee he was working with. Seth didn’t say anything but he was just flabbergasted by the look
49:40 – Jonathan was driving the other day and saw a 19-year-old crazy hot girl wearing Varnays driving in a biodiesel Mercedes. Jah rolled down the window at a stoplight and said, “Excuse me, are those Varnays?” She laughs and says she owns three pairs of them
8:47 – Seth outs Jonathan by telling the listeners where Jonathan called him from last night: a Taco Bell. He said to the drive through man, “Can I get two 7-layer burritos?” As Jah was ordering it he realized Seth was on the phone with him, and he said to himself, Please don’t let him be writing this down right now. He knew Seth was going to bring it up during the show, and he couldn’t tell him not to because he knew for sure that he would. … Jonathan says he has done research that the beans are vegetarian at a Taco Bell, but he asks if the rice has chicken stock in it, because if it does his days are over. He’s been eating it for a long time and hasn’t wanted to look into it further.
11:25 – Jah brings up the story about accidentally calling Seth during a heated therapy session, crying about his life (Episode 062, 7:08)
17:04 – Jah reveals the story about being duped at King Kong, and after all the cinema rape he endured during the movie, he still had to cry at the end because they killed King Kong and Jah was pissed off
20:23 – Seth was in Pittsburgh and was on the incline, going up the hill and was already working out his escape plan.
20:56 – On Seth’s eighth-grade Washington trip, everyone was trying to get Seth to go on a rickety roller coaster. He was waiting in line, probably going to bail out and it started to rain while they were there so they had to leave. The craziest roller coaster Jah has been on was Viper, the last time he was there
40:32 – Seth reveals that he has a personal masseuse and the two of them have a deep understanding and respect for each other. The masseuse knows Seth’s body and can penetrate deeply.
50:20 – Jah was talking with his friend Nate the other day, and Nate made a reference to “Marky Mark.” The 18-year-old kid next to them was like “Yeah, yeah, you know what else it’s like? What’s that due who’s an actor now who used to be a model for Calvin Klein?” Jah realizes he’s not old enough to know him as Marky Mark, and has to explain it to this kid.
57:15 – Jah met Howie Mandel when he was 9 years old at the Emmys, and already thought he was the funniest person on earth. Howie was wearing a tuxedo and silver Nike Cortezes with a red swoosh and was sporting the crazy jeri curl. Seth asks him, as far as the quota of expectation to reward, if it was his best celebrity meeting. Jonathan says that meeting Jon Popper, presenting him with a portrait and then him in turn handing Jah a harmonica and then playing it in front of Popper and Popper giving him a lesson, if you could bottle those feelings, there would be nothing wrong with the world (Episode 055, 32:54).
58:57 – Seth was a freshman in high school on a field trip, and was hanging with the senior girls. They were walking by a Foot Locker and saw Jordan Knight and Joey McIntyre, and Seth walked in and asked them if they could come out. Joey high-fived everybody, and the whole bus ride home all the girls were loving Seth for it.
24:39 – A dear female friend of Seth tells him a funny yet creepy story. She lives with 3 girls in a house about a half-mile from where the studio is. She comes home one evening and there’s a sealed white envelope lying on the front doorstep of the house. This is the contents of the letter, titled, "Coming Clean:" To Whom It is Those That This Concerns: I’ll state to you what have I done. I was peeping at you from around the side of your living. I am telling you this because I don’t want my conscience eating at me anymore. Once I was peeping and saw a young lady in the shower. Another occasion I was peeping, I saw a couple preparing to have one another. In the finale occasion their, is the young lady getting out of the shower that leads to her bedroom. I have to admit I was being selfish and other things “I’m sure you might say.” I’m writing this, I can’t say please forgive me because it was a must to do. If at all you feel violated, please don’t pen your hopes against me. I’ve come to do a conscience close on these matters. And I’ll say it won’t lead to any further expectations that it is my self-control that I grasped to cease these doings. I can understand if you might call me a pervert or peeping guy. I’m trying to help myself, so if you could keep your ladies’ awareness at hand, it’ll help me to know you don’t agree with my doings. Sincerely, Ex-pervert
35:18 – Seth gets letters from Jamba Juice while rolling past their locations. The letters are apologizing for them being out of wheatgrass because of “weather-related issues.”
1:03:32 – Jonathan, Denise Richards and the lead singer for Papa Roach, Jacoby Shaddix, are in Starbucks at the same time a week ago. Shaddix drops money, Jah picks it up and Shaddix says “Good lookin’ out.” Later Shaddix whispers, “Is that Denise Richards?” and Jah says “I’m pretty sure it is” as he burns past him.
2:36 – It had been too long, so Jah went in and got a physical. Jah received a rectal exam from a male doctor who wanted to ask Jah the best way for him to learn how to play guitar. Jah told him about free guitar lessons on YouTube as his butt is being dug into, saying “it’s way easier than piano.” He had Jah turn and face the wall in the fetal position – the most vulnerable thing he’s ever felt in his whole life. The doctor dug around for a while, then went over and did paperwork for a few minutes while Jah just laid there with butthole open and lubricant in his area. When he looked over his shoulder at the doctor the doctor said, “Oh, I’m done.”
7:17 – Dude tells Seth about his experience with a bad pickup line segment. He was in Boston during the Boston Marathon, standing at a crosswalk where two attractive young girls are behind him. Another dude rolls up and says “Hey, what’s going on here today?” The girls go, “Uhh, the marathon.” Dude: “Cool,” then backs away.
9:40 – Jah recommends possibly listening to Episode 066 when Episode 122 would have regularly appeared. He spoke with a friend of his who was listening to old shows, the friend called him and told him 66 was the best. When Jah got in his car today he plugged in his iPod and it started playing the first thing on the iPod, which happened to be Episode 066. Jah agrees it was a good episode
14:39 – UYD was told about a casual encounter of a different sort – two complete strangers in Brooklyn met randomly at a bar, the dude was throwing out some UYD references, the girl picked up on it and said “UYD for life.” They locked eyes and joined forces for a one-night stand. Both parties separately contacted Jonathan to recount the story. Jah is thrilled, beside himself and jealous for these two people. Jah thinks the evening warrants a revisit at some point. “However, just for the sake of clarity, his name is actually Giovanni, it’s not Giuseppi.”
17:12 – Seth references his old doctor, Christopher Flynn at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank, who fingered his butthole when his appendix burst (originally mentioned in Episode 049, 11:24). Seth recommends that he gets him and Jah gets his doctor and they all get together for a party
39:22 – Amir kicked Jah out of his house yesterday. He had been crashing there since his separation
45:30 – Seth is genuinely pissed off because the government took his stimulus check and applied it to the $10,000 owed to the Screen Actors Guild. Seth did a commercial approximately 10 years ago for Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Crunch. During the callback he was so hung over that he had the shakes. Seth sat down, and the start of it was to start eating the cereal. He was going to die so he buried his head in a plastic bowl and ate two heaping piles of it with his crazy hair and denim jeans. He didn’t say anything so they thought he was British. He was paid as if it was a commercial airing on network TV (lot of money) even though it only ran on cable (normally less money). At the end of Seth’s spending spree where he bought a Simmons Beautyrest, the SAG told him he owed them $7,500. It was about 2 days before Christmas and a woman at SAG was holding him as he was crying. Jah remembers it being a fucking disaster
33:08 – Jah reflects on how crazy it is that his cell phone is out in the world and people are hitting him up with texts at 3:30 a.m. One dude texted him the other day about summer shoes and Jah recommended some vegan Vans
8:51 – Seth and his buds used to go pool hopping when he was a senior in high school, jump in and get drunk until they chased him off, then hop in the car and drive off. There weren’t any girls involved, as Seth now remembers
18:25 – Seth went to a baby shower once, and they had a game where you were blindfolded, had to taste the baby food and get the most flavors right. Both Jah and Seth think they should play it during an episode
31:49 – Jonathan and Seth are in the documentary “Air Guitar Nation” that was released in 2006. Justine and her friend Torey are in it as well, and when they cut to Torey in one scene he yells “Fuck You!!” to a competitor from another country. Seth claims he was wearing his Dallas Cowboys cheerleader shirt that day
50:28 – Jonathan can’t even tell us how often he was shirtless as a young son of Hollywood
1:00:09 – When Jah was in Europe, he was subscribing his friend to the show. He couldn’t find UYD on iTunes because it’s completely different, and did a search and found 5 new comments from UK-only users that he had never read before
19:25 – Seth saw Diane Cannon at Whole Foods, someone who used to be a pretty attractive woman. He couldn’t believe how badly the plastic surgery fucked her face up. “Her lips dude, were so crazy lipped out…”
21:39 – Seth also saw Jodie Foster and thought, Why is this fucking dyke taking so long? After the fourth cup that Jodie poured of balsamic vinaigrette, Seth ripped it out of her hand and she looked at him and he made his salad.
33:23 – Jah went to the Bright Spot last night and was looking at a magazine and staring at a couple that was there. They got up, went to his car, he’s in the car and the car’s started and she’s still standing outside. Jah thinks it’s wack that he didn’t open the door for her.
36:36 – Seth found this on the street at Santa Monica and Fairfax at 12:00 p.m. on the 4th of July, 2008: I am a 21-year-old looking for a roarmate to live with. Lesbiamis or gay female to move and with at a low price: $200-Goo a month. For most attend college. For more call 213-784-1703 and ask for Tiene Makey.
49:16 – Jonathan teases us by telling us he has a story for next week. Seth foreshadows some of the production that will be taking place in the studio
52:59 – Jah was standing in a liquor store the other day, and as he was buying cigarettes the guy behind the counter was fucking with him and asked for ID. Two straight cholos at the register next to him look at Jah, and say “Leave him alone man!” “Yeah, he’s the Love Guru!” They then got into a tricked Z28 with 20s and rolled out while hysterically laughing
20:56 – Jah was at a gas station two days ago, getting gouged at the pump. It’s about 10:30 p.m. and he’s filling up his tank, and sees a scantily clad young girl with tiny hot shorts and a tank top with white platforms, amazing body, super tan, kind of trashy but dope and sexy. She walks across the parking lot to the most beat-to-fuck Honda Accord Jah has ever seen with horrible window tint. She gets in, starts the engine, and “Cherry Pie” by Warrant is bumping and she’s mouthing the words and singing along. Jah looks at her and begins hysterically laughing. Jah starts his car, and she gets in reverse, drives back and rolls her window down, and says “I just want to let you know that your dreds are really sexy.” His awesome reply is, “Oh, thanks.” Jah gets home later and thinks Wait, I don’t have dreds.
26:53 – At Jah’s boarding school in Sedona, he used to get in trouble a lot and was on weekend work duty where he had to dig trenches and stuff. A guy lived in a teepee near the equestrian area named Jeff, and his job was to take care of the horses and watch the kids on work duty over the weekends. Jeff asked Jah to go get something out of the teepee, and immediately his weed radar goes off. He spots a little wooden box sitting on the top of a shrine in the teepee, and makes a beeline for it. There’s one whole perfect beautiful nug sitting in the box, and Jah swipes it then goes and gets the thing he asks for. Jah hacks away at the trench, hours later goes and takes a hike with friends and sparks the nug with some friends. Back on campus, someone runs up to him and tells him Jeff is looking for him. Jah walks up the trail, and Jeff is coming down and starts yelling “Nah man, no, I’m done!” Jah acts like he doesn’t know what Jeff is talking about, and Jeff said he’s going to go to the office and resign and deface Jah in front of everybody. It turns out the weed had been blessed in a ceremony by some crazy Native American chief. Jah still tries to lie and says he is a Rastafarian and it’s against his religion to lie and steal. Jeff looks at him and says “you’re fuckin’ full of shit.” Jah admits that he stole it and another guy talked Jeff out of losing his job over it. Jah never stole drugs ever again.
38:25 – Jah claims he didn’t get grifted one time while he was in Europe. Seth thinks the gypsies play such an old school game that Jah didn’t even know what they were stealing
47:19 – Jah saw a dude broken down on the freeway getting a gallon of gas, and looked at the dude and was almost positive it was a straight scam. He said his face looked guilty like he wasn’t supposed to be doing it.
27:36 – Jah used Mitchum deodorant in high school once, and he had an allergic reaction because it clogged his pores. He claims it literally glues your pores shut
33:00 – On his way over to the studio, Jah sees a van that he’s seen before that is absolutely covered in Jesus stickers. He saw the guy that drives the van in 7-11 with his children. Jah guesses there are 1,000 bumpers stickers on it (or 300), and the man has resorted to writing his own bumper stickers in marker and duct taping it to the van. Jah writes down a few: LOOK, THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE: BUDDHA, MOHAMMED, MOSES, KRISHNA, EVEN ELVIS – THEY’RE ALL DEAD. JESUS AND JESUS ALONE DIED AND THEN RESURRECTED NEVER TO DIE AGAIN. THAT IS WHY HE ALONE CAN GIVE LIFE ETERNAL. NEO IS NOT THE ONE – JESUS IS. NATURAL LAW CAN NEITHER EXPLAIN THE ORIGINS OF LIFE OR THE UNIVERSE. HE WHO BASES HIS ATHEISM ON SECULAR PHILOSOPHY OR SCIENCE IS BUILDING HIS HOUSE ON SINKING SAND. The man had a walkman in his front pocket and was playing with the Batman food dispenser, saying “Cool!” and trying to get his kids into it.
37:54 – Jah saw a woman in a Jack LaLanne full rigout at the Santa Monica Glow event at the Pier. It was a full adult crazy woman representing, saying basically “don’t forget about Jack.”
40:24 – David Schwimmer spoke at the first AA meeting Seth ever went to, being at rock bottom and having failed pilots, etc. (Seth is kidding). In actuality, Chuck Negron of 3 Dog Night spoke at Seth’s second meeting and gave the longest, worst speech ever. He had the worst hair ever but the best beard ever, and said something like “I got laid! … I had a lot of threesomes and a lot of cocaine!” Seth wondered what was wrong about that situation. … In Seth’s first meeting, it was super late at night and a female friend of his brought him there. He said it was wicked creepy, near Fat Beats on Melrose. A gay dude corners Seth and said “At the end of meetings we move chairs. Care to help?” Seth resigned to it but the gay guy stacked chairs so Seth was in a literal rape room. The dude gave Seth a book and told him to get sober and gave him a kiss on the cheek
49:21 – The second year Jah was in boarding school, he was more of a veteran hippie who people looked at to discover drugs. Shortly before Jah got kicked out, there were a lot of psychedelic drugs on campus. A girl there who was very cute (Jah can’t remember her name) told Jah she was thinking about tripping for the first time, didn’t know if she should do mushrooms or acid. About 12 hours go by, and Jah eats a bunch of mushrooms and is having the best trip ever. He is walking to the smoking section, and sees her walking up to him in the dark. They sit down and start talking, and Jah goes into an in-depth analysis about the difference between mushrooms and acid. He said, “You definitely need to do mushrooms, because acid is more hard edged and grindier. The patterns start shifting you in different directions, while mushrooms is more of an organic hum that you can ride…” Jah looks at her and she’s not into it. He asks her if she’s cool, and she says she just ate acid like three hours ago and is tripping balls. She stood up and said she was going back to her dorm, and walked away. Later on people asked Jah what he said to her.
4:17 – Jah remembers sitting with GNR’s “Lies” and flipping through the booklet and reading Axel’s objectionable lyrics at the time
21:20 – Jah was trying to rescue a dog, and put up signs for a dog that wasn’t his. For two weeks he got calls on his cell phone from these Asian school kids who would say “I have your daaaawg! We want a million dollars or we’re going to turn it into chop suey!!” then hysterically laugh. Jah kept the messages because they were so funny.
24:27 – Seth saw Titanic and loved it, then he went to see Leonardo’s follow-up, The Beach, at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. He bought the tickets two weeks in advance because he thought it would sell out, then he walked into the theater at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night and there was nobody in the theater
26:04 – Seth went to see the South Park movie with two friends, then found 3 10-year-olds who fit Seth and his buds perfectly and acted like they were brothers
27:15 – Seth and Jah talk about the earthquake that hit Los Angeles the other day. When it hit, Seth was driving to work down Melrose. He watched a woman run out of the Party Store with her arms up, went through the green light at Marino’s restaurant, was listening to “Everything Zen” by Bush on KROC, then he heard nothing on the radio, then he hears the DJ say “Oh my god that was an earthquake.”
35:32 – When Jah’s mom was breastfeeding his sister, she had a friend who had had a kid at the same time, they were both breastfeeding at the same time and suggested swapping babies
51:08 – Jah saw about 15 minutes of a sitcom that used to be on called Living Single. He claims that the opening sequence is so crazy and absolutely astonishing
55:00 – Seth traveled to Oxnard, Calif., last weekend, to see the Dallas Cowboys in training camp. He stood there and waited for Tony Romo, calling out his name. He waved to his favorite cheerleader, Brooke Sorensen
7:41 – Jah got a ticket for going 66 mph in a 35 mph zone this week. He denies that he was going this fast. The cop had braces where the top looked different from the bottom, and Jah couldn’t stop staring at him. Seth says he would’ve said, “Thanks for the ticket, brace face!!” before driving off
39:34 – One time Seth was at Sunset Junction fucked up and had to go to a McDonald’s to get away from it. He saw the creepiest white old pedophile with a 10-year-old black kid, laughing and slapping. Seth knew it wasn’t right and that he had to do something about it, but he was so fucked up that he went back into the Junction. He still thinks about the fact that the kid is now gone and it’s Seth’s fault
1:00:38 – Seth got a voicemail from a listener who said UYD should pose the question “Where do you listen to UYD?” then every listener could post a picture or posting of where they do it
12:41 – Jah wonders if Louis Gossett Jr. won an Oscar for Enemy Mine, and after Seth references the 1983 TV show V, Jah admits he used to be obsessed with that show when he was a kid
17:54 – Seth is in Whole Foods and sees paparazzi standing outside, and realizes he’s seen a grip of celebrities in there and never saw paparazzi before. Thinking that Brad Pitt is in there, he goes over by the produce and sees Lauren Conrad and Lo hanging out. He grabs a Think Thin bar, comes back and starts to applaud, saying “Monday the 18th, 10 p.m., could not be more excited.” Lo gives him the dirtiest look that hits Seth deep. LC, wearing a fedora and sundress, looks back with perfect white teeth and is loving it. Jah wonders how Seth got that and Jah got Brody Jenner three times in the same week. Seth got Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill two times at Whole Foods
22:27 – Jah got caught watching the Olympics the other night and then was informed that he was supposed to be boycotting them. Jah says he gets a little randy watching them. Late at night they’re broadcasting live on USA, which peeps Jah to some of the network’s programming, including Burn Notice, which shows the close-up of the lead character’s mouth with a beach in the background
29:30 – Last week, following the recording of UYD on Jah’s birthday, a group of friends decided to go to a nightclub called Hyde on the Sunset Strip, at the suggestion of Guy Logan. Jah shrugs off after the show because that kind of club has a panic-inducing effect on Jah, then Seth comes out with a new shirt on and everyone convinces Jah to come. Jah brought his car in case he wanted to roll out early. Jah parks, walks out, gets 20 feet from the front door of the place and sees Dimitri standing outside alone, and thinks they beat everyone there somehow. Dimitri says that Seth just went in to get Guy and realizes they’re both already inside, and that this might not go too well for him. Jah is standing awkwardly outside of the nightclub and goes up to the beautiful woman at the door, and says “I thought Greenblatt’s went out of business.” About 10 minutes into it, he hears “Fuck you then, come out here!” and an enormous dude with plucked eyebros and a superstarched giant cuffed shirt and True Religion jeans tucked into a witch’s cowboy boot gets thrown out by the bouncers. Dimitri is being patient and tries to send texts to Guy, then re-explains that Seth saw Dimitri out there. Fifteen minutes go by, and Jah decides he’s no longer comfortable standing outside of this club. He gets in his car, and Dimitri does the same. Jah peels out and makes a right, and sees Guy’s face peeking out the door, then pulls over and runs up to the door, asks the bouncer to go in and get him, but the bouncer tells him to just text him. Jah texts Dimitri to text him Guy’s number, instead gets a call from Dimitri who tries to calm him down for 25 minutes before he rolls out. The title of Jah’s birthday escapade is “Herpes and Hyde.”
55:55 – Seth dips back into the Hyde story, saying it was the best night ever, walking into an oasis of everything the Hollywood nightlife should be. Basically, it was 100 wicked hot girls standing on top of shit pumping their arms and then 100 of the biggest losers you’ve ever seen in your life doing the same thing but lower, beneath them. Seth found a $5 bill on the ground, “Oh, is that a fin?” and keeps rolling on.
10:25 – Jah was talking with his parents this week about his mom’s brother who passed away in England last month. They started talking about the last time he saw them, and by some crazy sequence of events Jah’s grandmother (Dad’s mom) and Uncle Arthur came to stay with them over the holidays. Post-Christmas, the Larroquettes all left and left them in the house together. When they returned, there was an episode with the housekeeper who hung around with them and developed a crush on Arthur and they spent New Year’s together. Arthur tells them that the housekeeper (referred to as “Lucha”) had gotten really drunk, and started taking her pants off in front of them and writhing around (Jah’s uncle is 375 pounds, by the way). She at one point disappears, and is lying in the bathroom with pants around ankles, and they have to pick her up and put her in the bed. There was never a mention of it until the Larroquettes were reminiscing later on.
13:26 – Jah’s housekeeper had a brother who was a plastic surgeon and said he would give her a really good price for a facelift, she went down to Guatemala to get it and came back and her face was so fucked up, looked as if it was filled with chicken fat or something
15:42 – Jah rehashes the story of him and Seth seeing Minority Report at the Arclight (Episode 051, 36:35), when a dude stood up in the back of the theater afterward and yelled “Shame on you Spielberg!”
18:12 – Seth brings up his interaction with Lo at Whole Foods last week, and quotes Audrina to reinforce his point: “Lo’s always super bitchy, that’s just the way she is.” Seth couldn’t agree more: “Fucking bitch. She’ll rue the day.”
33:57 – Seth and Jah couldn’t get married because Jah is still legally married. Jah says that they should have a contest in which listeners should write an essay about why Seth would marry the listeners in a legally-bound ceremony
43:20 – The most Seth has ever won on a lottery ticket is when he was in Massachusetts for his cousin’s wedding and he bought a $10 scratcher Red Sox ticket. He won $7 and actually asked for the cash. Jah asks listeners to chime in with their top winnings, and if they can prove it because they’re mostly lying fucks
1:02:00 – Seth goes HD in the studio. He spent an hour and 68 minutes going back-and-forth from his SD Sportscenter to his HD Sportscenter. Seth finally got rid of his original model Tivo (PTV300) that Jah gave him seven years ago. It’s going for $8.99 on eBay right now. Jah remembers getting his second Tivo and saying he needed to give the first model to Seth
3:56 – Jah went to Catholic school for a short period of time, and used to draw crazy Satanic stuff during Bible class and listen to Slayer. He remembers when girls used to roll their skirts up but only did it once. He now regularly sees girls walking on Larchmont with multiple rolls on their Catholic school skirts.
15:12 – Seth hasn’t been to the East Coast during the winter in about 15 years, but the last time he was there he still remembers the bone-chilling walk from the house to the car.
43:52 – Jah watched a dude pay the door fee at the strip club, walk in, soak up 30 seconds of a chick showing her gash on stage and then asking for his money back on the way out and joining his friends who were waiting in the car for him.
45:05 – Seth was getting a coffee at his Whole Foods and saw a really attractive girl looking at a muffin, then saw a dude standing next to her waiting to say something, then when she turned around he acted like he was waiting for his coffee. Seth wanted to ask him what was up with that sweet move.
46:13 – Jah was mentioning a story to someone the other day and in the middle of it started questioning whether the story was true. He thus proceeds to call his father on his cell in the middle of the show and ask if, when he was younger, he jumped in bed with his parents when he was tripping balls. His dad confirms that the story was indeed true. Jonathan was about 15-16 years old, his parents were asleep in the bed in Malibu. Jah knocked on the balcony door, walked in very happy to see them. He proceeded to crawl in the bed between the two parents, professed his undying love for them and his intention to never, ever leave the house. Mr. Larroquette figured he was tripping because he could have put a floodlight in his eyes and they wouldn’t have dilated. Jah made his mother very happy in saying he would never leave the house. Jah didn’t stay in bed, he just went downstairs and probably masturbated to women’s bodybuilding. Mr. Larroquette: “It was very nice of you to call and remind us of that wonderful, blissful night.”
56:39 – Seth remembers when he and his mom used to watch Growing Pains and he saw Kirk Cameron wearing double collared shirts, and Seth came in for school picture day wearing that getup. As a result Seth was voted ‘Cutest’ at Dustin Hunkin Middle School in the eighth grade. Jah desperately needs to know that and see that
1:01:27 – Jah got a message from a listener who just listened to Episode 027, in which serial killer Wayne Adam Ford is referenced at the 54:30 mark. The listener is a reporter who interviewed the Humboldt County Sheriff deputy who Wayne Adam Ford handed the female tit to. Listener said he also drank at the bar that Ford was in when he decided to turn himself in, and he hasn’t gone back there since
16:40 – Seth retells the story from Episode 078, 8:14 about his dad getting pissed off at him when he was in eighth grade for saying the line I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffleball bat... when remaking the Beastie Boys’ “Paul Revere.”
16:54 – Two weeks before that talent show, Seth had gotten busted by his father again for stealing a Degas art book and looking at tits on painted ballerinas
18:27 – Seth didn’t get “Class Clown” in his middle school yearbook, but he did later in high school. He saw a dude with a Spuds McKenzie shirt on the first day of school and he let him know about it, brought in his Spuds cozy and decided he had four years to prove himself. He also won “Biggest Sports Fan” and “Best School Spirit.”
18:50 – Jah didn’t get to earn superlatives because he went to all fucked-up alternative schools where there were 15 kids and six teachers. Jah had a gay teacher in his boarding school, and he went over to their off-campus house for dinner where there was a gay couple making them dinner. Seth: “Hey you guys want to do some origami before appetizers? … Why are you at this guy’s house barefoot, playing didge, smoking weed and having origami sessions?!”
25:34 – Jah asks Seth to rehash the story (from Episode 095, 35:13 and Episode 007, 15:48) about Seth’s friend who did a stretch in the Twin Towers Correctional Facility, and the guards would shut off Friends episodes 5 minutes before the ending just to frustrate the inmates
27:20 – Seth brings up Jah’s story about stealing the nug from the guy in the teepee, making fun of him for acting incredulous at being accused, as a Rasta, for thievery. (Episode 124, 26:53)
31:21 – Jah went to pick Justine up from Cedar Sinai Hospital after her knee surgery, and he saw a sign at the hospital that said something about SAFE BABY DROP and had a diagram. Seth says the only places you can legally drop a kid 30 days from the birth are hospitals, fire stations and the UYD studio. Seth says that if a baby is dropped at the studio, they will raise the baby as their own and it will become the President.
47:36 – Jah remembers the first kid who started saying gasunheicht when someone would sneeze, then kept saying it throughout the school year
56:42 – Seth recalls when he got his Spuds McKenzie cozy on his eighth grade Washington DC trip, when he saw a dude selling blue blockers. Jah agrees that 1987 was a great year – it was the year he began listening to hip-hop music
26:38 – Jah was watching a 9-year-old on the side of the road, and he was sitting on the curb with his body contorted in a weird way. Jah figured out he was texting and his body was all jacked up trying to do it on his tiny phone. Jah thought he was too young to be texting, then realized he’s old as balls
34:54 – Jah took a flight last week on Virgin America, which he compared to being inside of an iMac because everything is ambient lighting and white plastic and everything has a sheen to it. In-flight entertainment was tv, video games, internet access, drinks you can order from the screen by swiping your credit card and an ichat where you can talk to other passengers on the plane. Jah says there were super fruit gay flight attendants on board
41:14 – On Jah’s return flight, he was running quite late and got checked in, gave his boarding pass and entered a long line at security. He got to where it split into the 3-4 metal detectors, and a guy in front of him opened a bottle of water and started drinking it. Jah walks around him and asks if he could jump ahead, the guy nods with a mouthful of water and when Jah had gotten 4-5 feet away the guy said “Just pay it forward. Let somebody else go around you in line next time.”
52:49 – Seth was at a baseball practice as a young boy standing on the pitcher’s mound going apeshit, scratching his head, and someone realized that one of his teammates had lice and they were all sharing the same helmet
53:36 – In preschool, Jah remembers seeing a girl in front of him pulling a piece of her hair to the side and Jah could visibly see eggs in her infested hair (Episode 039, 39:35)
2:17 – Seth went into a Taco Bell and couldn’t get past the odor in the lobby. He ordered beans, rice, sour cream and guacamole. They covered the beans in a gross red sauce but didn’t mind the beans as is. The rice was disgusting, the sour cream was just OK and the guacamole was disgusting. He did, however, love the caramel apple empanada, even though it burned his mouth when he bit into it.
8:47 – When Jah was in Barcelona, sitting outside of a topless place waiting to get inside, he was talking with Simon. He looks up and Dallas Raines, an LA meteorologist, is walking past him, and Jah blurted out “Dallas Raines” the same way he did with James Worthy. Jah told Dallas he was awesome. Jah tries to explain what happened, looked up and saw two very attractive teenagers, and realizes that they’re with Joan Allen.
11:37 – Seth saw Shirley McClain in Abiquie, N.M., when he fled there for Y2K. He was standing by a grocery store with his friend John Buckley and had just seen her at the Egyptian in Hollywood.
15:45 – Seth is in Larchmont sitting on a bench, looking at a dude who is so tanned that he’s orange. He’s probably on crystal, wearing denim shorts and a Hollister t-shirt. A girl rolls up to pick him up and goes “You look so F-ing tan!” Orange dude replies “I’ve been tanning my ass off!” and they roll out.
27:25 – Jah has 2 stories, and tells Seth he has to choose. One is something that happened recently and involves someone from the past, while the other one took place many years ago and involved a girl he was having relations with. Seth chooses the most recent one. Here goes: Last weekend Jah went to a bar, PJ’s, with his friend Dimitri. Jah was moderately stoned, got to the door and the song “Californication” is playing at a loud volume. The place is packed with some middle-of-the-road 20-somethings. They get up to the bar, Jah orders a Newcastle, Dimitri orders a cocktail. Jah is turned away from the bar not enjoying himself, and gets a nudge from a dude who says “What are you hippies doing in my bar?” They turn around and it’s a dude his height with a backward canvas hat. The guy talks about “I see you guys from a mile away and it’s like ding-ding-ding.” Guy says his name is Johnny also, and reveals a Ween hat with the song “Johnny on the Spot” on it. Dude gives Jah his phone number and says to come by some time. Jah looks at Dimitri coyly and says “I got a phone number.” D meets a girl there and Jah is out of sorts. The bar starts shutting down, Jah goes outside, they spot two girls and D identifies one as a vegan chef. D asks Jah if he wants to roll to a party with them, and it turns out it’s “Johnny on the Spot’s” house. Jah sees people on the street in front of the place, looks up and sees a guy his age and sees that it’s Mike, a guy who used to be his boy but got kicked out of school in the 11th grade. Jah is pretty sure he was wearing a Phish shirt that he had in 11th grade. Mike, whose last name rhymes with lobotomy, offers to play some songs from his bluegrass band, and they go inside the acid-drenched apartment. A jam ensues, and Johnny on the Spot plays banjo. Dimitri is shut down, and in the middle of the jam Jah gets so uncomfortable that he picks up a guitar and starts playing. There’s a dude playing bongos, and Mike is all of a sudden shirtless. The girls they went with have been drinking a lot, and one of them is basically asleep. The jam ends, Mike moves across the room and puts his arm around the girl. Mike pulls out his phone, and is whispering in the girl’s ear, and Jah tells the girl’s friend that they’re leaving. Mike is pushing up on the girl at this point, 5-6 minutes go by. The girls say Mike is a fucking creep, he was pulling her into the kitchen as they were leaving. Jah declares it was the worst night ever. The guy has Jah’s phone number and is now listening to the show, during which Jah is ripping on him. Seth wishes he would’ve asked for the other story. Jah pledges it will come next week.
47:00 – Seth recalls a school assembly where they pump the smell of marijuana into the school cafeteria, and Seth got upset and said it smelled like his daddy. Seth comes to the realization that his dad would let him ride the go-carts, go for a walk and come back with that weird smell. “Your father has a lot on his mind, son.” Seth: “Yes he does.”
57:31 – Seth recalls that when they first started the show, Jah’s mother thought Seth was really into firefighters and wondered if he had a crush on them (Episode 003, 0:57)
1:26 – Seth and Jonathan reminisce on their old Big Wheels. Jah had a Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel, and looked even cooler when he could pull the plastic seat all the way back, and he could do a spin-out with the power brake. His parents have a picture of Jah butt-naked on the Big Wheel, where he is acting like he just got shot
7:28 – Jah admits that he wore a rosary at one point as an accoutrement/accessory. Seth tries to wrap his head around it. Jah thinks he wore this around his Catholic school time
28:32 – Jah is walking around the 3rd Street Promenade today, and walks past the Apple Store and sees 400 people in it buying crazy stuff. It makes him wonder if it really is tough economic times for everyone. Seth reinforces this when he says he went in there to get a new cord for his laptop and saw hundreds of people in there. Seth also sees people at Whole Foods dropping $260 in a single visit
43:10 – Jonathan went to the Playboy Mansion when he was a 9- or 10-year-old kid for a fundraiser that his family attended. The Bunnies were waitressing with full satin bunny outfits and ears. He remembers walking around the pool and getting taken into the grotto to see hot topless girls, going into the arcade room, walking into a waterbed room that had color TVs cut into the walls, and Jah got a kid-boner while a normal 30-year-old woman asked him if he was supposed to be there. He then mustered up the courage to introduce himself to the Hogan brothers (Jeremy Licht and Luis Daniel Ponce) from the Hogan Family, who were sitting at a table together.
47:34 – Jah delivers on his other story that he promised in Episode 133. Approximately 10 years ago, he was hanging out with a girl he had known for a long time, and they started sleeping together. They meet a few times at his apartment. Jah reveals that he has a very sensitive right nipple that can be stimulated during intercourse, and this girl, of course, was aware of this. It’s late one night, and it comes down to do the deed. She asks if he has a condom, he opens the drawer and the wrapper to the condom was opened, so he says he can’t use it and it’s his last one. She wants him to go to the store, but it’s 3:30 a.m. and he doesn’t want to leave. She’s miffed about this and they’re both worked up at this point. Jah is laying down in the bed during this cool-down moment, and she lays next to him on his bare chest, moves toward his nipple and bites down on it in an excruciating way. Jah instinctually hits her on top of her head with a gavel striking motion, and she looks up at him and has vacated the premises, then falls over eyes crossed. Jah yells “Why did you do that!” over and over again. She got up and was completely out of it, and that was the last time they ever slept together. Jah saw her years later and they talked about B.S. at a New Year’s party. The incident didn’t even get brought up because enough time had passed.
2:19 – Seth was watching a recording on his new DVR, and there was an emergency alert system about a missing child, it popped out of what he was watching and goes to the station Seth had left it on last. Seth went from watching the Colbert Report, then got the EMS message, then got the QVC that he had been watching at 3:30 a.m. the night before. He was also trying to watch a close call in a football game in slow motion, but his cable DVR doesn’t make it go slow enough to catch the details
9:03 – Jah starts to tell a story about being in a supermarket, then stops himself to ask Seth hypothetically: “When you go in line and there’s only one checker open, and you see somebody standing in line with nothing in their hands, do you let them go ahead if you’re shopping.” Seth: “Never, unless they’re elderly or female.” Jah says that Seth can’t take the courtesy if he never gives it, the same way that you have to let people in front of you in traffic so you can do your own cutting later
10:32 – Seth describes his Sunday night dinner: Taco Bell, two sides, just beans and a caramel apple empanada. Stops by the 7-11, gets a peanut butter Cliff bar, a Diet Sunkist and a Strawberry Muscle Milk
14:56 – Jah’s question about John Wayne Bobbit’s porn – John Wayne Uncut – segues into Seth’s story about going to see that movie at The Combat Zone in Boston. The Combat Zone is a shady area of Boston, and he went with two of his buddies in 1993 but they couldn’t go in there. They were both actors and Seth got mad at them, asked them to play characters because they used to get on the T and create elaborate acting situations involving reunions, etc., but wouldn’t go into the theater with Seth. They paid the money and stood in the back but there was all kinds of jerking off and bleached cum everywhere, forcing Seth to dodge loads everywhere
17:04 – Jah: “I ….” Seth: “You OK?” Jah: “I came on my own face today.” Jah apologizes to his and Seth’s mother for saying this, then claims that he was horizontal, not vertical when this happened. Seth has knocked posters off of walls before. Jah: “I had straight jizz beard this morning.” Seth: “Hey can I have a piadini?” “Sir there’s something on your eyelash.”
24:03 – When Jah was a kid he would say “duckin’ ashtoes” because he would hear his dad say “fucking assholes” and that’s how he interpreted it as a child
40:30 – Seth’s dad would take a stick and put it in the sand and tell Seth what time it was. Jah also did that back in the day. Jah also made fire by rubbing a stick around
55:20 – When Seth saw Tiesto at Ibiza, he took two red Ferraris, before he knew it he was in the middle of the beach at 3 a.m. shirtless, those things kicked in, the girl next to him took a compact mirror out and pulled his face to make out with him because she was getting so excited about it. Jah: “That was the most real fake story I’ve heard.”
21:10 – Seth asks Jah to put his microphone out as he does the same and they pick up some audio of a girl screaming. It turns out that this is a fold-out from a magazine, which Seth was reading at 3 a.m. in complete silence on his couch. He is shaken with sheer terror to his core as the girl screams in his ear. The ad is for Spike channel’s Scream 2008 schedule for Oct. 21
26:21 – Seth was watching an MMA fight on CBS and laughed at the fact that the announcer kept working in horrible plugs for other CBS shows. In the middle of two guys squaring off: It’s a pure domination, it’s similar to the way CSI dominates the primetime ratings. … That groundwork, see he is pinned and cornered down, but he will not tap out, he’s a Survivor, similar to the CBS show Survivor, where they have a tribal council, but you must stay in and survive.
49:39 – Jah was driving home after the show last week, getting onto the freeway. He had the windows open and music on, and he was really thinking about the Blind vs. Deaf argument (Episode 135, 31:29). After much pondering, Jah came to the conclusion that he couldn’t fathom not being able to look at Seth. And Seth says that he couldn’t fathom not listening to Jah. Jah says that they couldn’t do the show if they were both deaf.
29:22 – Seth has really been sizing some situations up lately. He’s been carrying his notebook and pen in hand, because sometimes when it comes right down to it he feels you “just have to write it down.” He says the assignment this week for all listeners should be to carry said paper and pen and instead of speaking to a person during the course of their day, they need to write it down – similar to how Seth did it at Leaf in Episode 015, 20:09.
33:51 – Jah was driving down the street the other day and saw a bushy-haired 17-year-old kid with acne looking pretty stoned driving a Nissan Xterra and wrote PHISH: MARCH 6, 7 & 8 in grease marker on all three windows. This is Jah’s homie.
35:02 – Seth was at a Phish show in San Francisco at some big outdoor venue when they moved their first chess piece – it was labeled one of the 5 greatest Phish shows of all time. Seth doesn’t really remember it so well because he was so high he was on the ground leaning on the exhaust pipe of the car he drove up in, and the person who drove it turned the car on and came back out and asked him if he was cool. Seth didn’t even realize he turned it on.
7:56 – Seth went to the California Science Center today and saw a traveling exhibit for school kids across America called Target America: Opening Eyes to the Damage Drugs Cause. Seth got there at 10 a.m., joined the kids who were on a field trip and he got bum-rushed on the third floor. He saw an actual jungle cocaine processing plant, while sitting with a 6-year-old black boy and an 8-year-old white girl. He saw recreations like a crack house with a tipped over baby crib and a handgun next to the bed, a bedroom of a teen girl who accessed the web to get illegal drugs – a scary scene for Seth, another where you press a red button and lights come up and a hotel rises up, you’re in any motel in the country, where they’re making crystal meth. He also was surrounded by hoop nightmares, where he was making shots, then he put on the glasses that recreated intoxication and missed shots and kids laughed at him. He walked through a drug smuggling tunnel as well.
2:18 – Jah has a little bit of a beef with Michael Keaton, and he says he will tell us shortly
2:58 – Jah was about 15-16 years old and was in Sun Valley, Idaho, snowboarding. His family was going up there quite a bit and his parents were about to move up there. It was during the holiday season, and at some point in his snowboarding day, the Rasta-fied Jonathan wearing full dreds and his snowboarding rigout went into the lodge to get a cup of coffee and sit down for a while. He sits at a table by himself, and he’s trying to look cool with all these girls his age walking around. As Jah looks up, Michael Keaton is sitting at an adjacent table and he has just said something to all the people at the table, Keaton is looking at Jah and all the people turn and look at him as well and burst out laughing
9:02 – Jonathan was served some legal papers this week pertaining past speeding tickets and failure to appear. It’s gone to collections but he’s dragging ass taking care of it because it’s expensive
9:50 – Seth was on the phone with Jah this week and some old man got Jah so mad on the road that he threatened to “eat him” after the old man was making gestures in the rear-view mirror to make sure Jah recognized his presence (similar to road rage story from Episode 063)
13:28 – Seth went to a carnivale in West Hollywood. He was walking down the street with his friend Teddy and sees Kevin Pollack walk past him in black face and Army fatigue camo. Everyone is on drugs and there are helicopters flying overhead, it’s mass pandemonium. Seth hits Teddy to inform that this is Kevin Pollack. Pollack gets excited that he recognizes him, and says “I’m the dude playing the dude that’s disguised as another dude!” referring to Robert Downey Jr.’s character in Tropic Thunder.
47:56 – Jah talks about a voting experience he had: he walked into the oldest crop of people volunteering to help, and hears a dude walk in with an Eastern European accent. They tell him he’s registered over at the fire station, and needs to go over there to vote. They offer to let him go there or do a provisional ballot at the current location. He grabs the provisional ballot, fills it out. Jah sees him – he’s wearing bleached True Religion jeans with huge boot cuts and super-long cowboy boots, sunglasses and a silk shirt. Jah hears him going through it and is making so much noise, and is talking about how hard he has to press to make it go through. One of the volunteers informs him that he’s using a marker, and he doesn’t need to push it through. Then he tells him to maybe take his glasses off, and the man replies that “Yeah, I’m getting old and need glasses” so he doesn’t get it.
8:50 – Jonathan had a “minor” episode while driving today. He was on Wilshire, turning left onto Santa Monica in Beverly Hills. He was trying to get over into a double left turn lane from two lanes over, he signals to get over into a gap and starts to accelerate, and a Dodge Caravan accelerates and gets on his ass by the time he gets over. Jah looks in his rear-view mirror and sees what appears to be a mom and her daughter. He gets in the lane, and faces a double-double yellow emergency lane until it gets to the turn lanes. Traffic slows to about 20 mph and the Caravan driver guns it through the emergency lane and gets back in front of Jah. Jah looks at the back of the car for the first time, where he sees a Jesus fish with the cross inside of the fish, and a license plate holder that says CHRISTIANS AREN’T PERFECT, THEY’RE JUST FORGIVEN BY A GOD WHO IS. Jah immediately gets furious, and rides her ass for about four traffic lights after that. Seth: “Screaming ‘No on 8’ after her?”
20:08 – Seth watched Wifeswap this week and calls it “quality fucking shit.” This is his new favorite show
56:42 – Jonathan has been in a gun store before, and transitions into a series of events that involved him once getting a hunting rifle for a trip he and his father took, at a cattle ranch where they could shoot prairie dogs b/c the prairie dogs dig holes that the cattle trip into and then get eaten by coyotes. At this point in Jah’s life he thought he could handle something like this. Another man Mr. Larroquette knew who was a big game hunter went with them. It turned into a difficult experience for Jonathan, who successfully scoped and shot a few prairie dogs and subsequently got fucked up by it. He did, however, have fun shooting targets with the guns. One night they were all sitting around the campfire talking about guns, and one guy had a Gloc handgun with him with glow-in-the-dark sights. The clip was removed from the gun so Jah sat there with it, with the gun pointed down with his hand on his leg. The gun all of a sudden went off, and fired a round that was in the chamber straight into the ground between his two feet. As soon as it goes off Jah’s ears ring and he’s in total shock
25:55 – On Wednesday morning, a complete stranger walked by Seth and just said “Obama!” Seth was flabbergasted because it’s almost December, but Jonathan says it’s understandable because everyone in LA is partying hard. Seth also says he read about two people hooking up and while they were boning down the girl was moaning “Obama…”
50:28 – Seth says there are some punk kids in his neighborhood that have tagged the front of his apartment building claiming their set. He says a bunch of them sit out front and smoke blunts, and they have drawn an elaborate marijuana leaf that has all their names written by it
52:19 – Jonathan’s mom dropped him off at the worst daycare once. He said it was a nightmare; a scarring childhood experience. The worst part of it was that his mom didn’t want to leave him either but had no choice at the time. It was a hellpit of a house filled with filthy white children, dirty East LA sci-ti kids. He literally saw lice jumping off kids’ heads, the place smelled like puke and cheap dinner. “It was like where you go to get fucking killed. I didn’t think I was coming back.” Jah’s mom didn’t see what he saw, but he had a full-fledged panic attack
2:07 – Seth was a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service for one summer. He carried spray mace, which he sprayed on a dog, but the wind blew it back in his face and on his forearms, and he got to go home for the day because it burned. There was also a day where he delivered an entire street of mail to the wrong side of the street. He didn’t do anything to correct it. There was another time that he went by a big mailbox that led into a residential area, which he was supposed to have been emptying for the last three weeks, and he finally opened it and the mail dumped out onto the ground. He would jack people’s Sports Illustrated magazines and other publications he liked to read
6:36 – Jah bought a cassette four-track recorder from a guy in an office building in the Valley last year through a Craig’s List ad. He went to meet him and was pretty sure there was a fair amount of cocaine done in that office. The guy told Jah there was an old tape in it, and it turned out to be Warrant. By the end of the conversation the dude was inviting Jah to go see Warrant with him that night at the House of Blues
22:07 – Jah’s friend was watching a dude getting a blowjob in West Hollywood once in a station wagon, and the bumper sticker on the back said HAPPINESS IS BEING A GRANDPA
22:23 – When Seth says “suck it hippie,” Jah wonders when Seth said someone would say that to Jonathan after forcing him to blow him. Seth says it was Huell Howser (Episode 017, 51:48). A gay dude Seth knew was with other friends of his and they hooked up with Huell and Huell said “suck it hippie.” Huell is an old-timey dude from Oklahoma who’s on public access touring everything you could possibly tour in California. Huell tried to get up on Seth’s shit in Larchmont, and Seth avoided him.
23:50 – Seth was in a knock-off of a 99 Cents Store buying index cards down the street. He put them on the counter and there was a cute young girl working there. He’s getting out a dime to go with his dollar because the total is $1.07. He’s looking and there’s pregnancy tests behind the counter, and he asks for a few of them because he knows he’ll have fun with them handing them to girls he knows. He’s taking money out of his back pocket to buy the tests, and the cashier pushes them toward him and says “They’re good.” Seth backs away slowly and walks to his car, insinuating that she was being dead serious.
59:52 – Seth was talking to a dude today who grew up in England. A girl Seth knows was married to a British guy, so she gave him a British aptitude test, and Seth was like “let’s burn this fool!” She took it from a bunch of different angles and he got all 10 questions wrong. Seth talked smack to the guy and then gave him an American aptitude test, and asked him “who was the character in Cheers when he came into the bar everyone yelled out his name?” The dude looked at him like he had no idea what he was talking about, and then said “don’t give me old people shit though.”
1:01:39 – Seth was driving listening to his country station on the radio and they were announcing a giveaway for 3 nights in Vegas, and the trivia question was Who has an amusement park named Dollywood after her? A) Tim McGraw, B) Shania Twain or C) Dolly Parton? Seth almost drives the Plymouth Sundance off the road as the DJ tries to dumb it down for the listeners
0:37 – When Jonathan was in boarding school, there was a call that he and his buddies made to each other because the campus was so big and when they’d go hiking they’d want to know if they were people they wanted to see or not. The call was howdoyouknow really fast and called kind of like a bird and they had to reply with the same call
14:55 – Jah is still flipping out about how cheap gas is. He walked into a gas station to buy cigarettes two hours ago, gave the cashier a card and the guy scoffed at him and was like “No gas? Why not? Look what happened.” Jah couldn’t believe when he looked at the sign and it was $1.60
16:21 – Jah bought a $6.10 pack of cigarettes from a 7-11 the other night (Camel Non-Filters)
24:38 – Seth brushes off the fact that he spent a day with Britney Spears back in 2001 while acting in the movie Crossroads, then spills some honesty. The day he went to the set, he thought it was the single best thing ever, and he would love it forever. He went to the trailer, and they told him where hair and makeup was. There was an enormous black security dude standing there, and they stopped him, and someone with a headset said to let Seth in, and when he came in he sat down next to Britney Spears while she was getting her hair and makeup done. “What happened in that trailer? I will never tell.” Jah: “No, you shouldn’t. Because it was a disaster.” Seth: “It was between me, it was between Britney—” Jah: “And the Los Angeles Police Department.”
42:13 – Seth shares a somewhat frightening story about carbon monoxide in his apartment. Around this time last year Seth was kneeling down and Jah said “The whole room turned upside down.” And Seth agreed that he had had a splitting headache all day. Jah left that night, Seth watched TV until 3 or 4 in the morning. He woke up with a headache that was really bad all day and all night. He had to kneel down at one point in the show and convinced himself it was because he drank so many Diet Pepsi Maxes. He called his mother and she asked if the gas was on. The morning before on Thursday morning it was so cold that he turned the heat on, but they hadn’t lit the furnaces in the basement, so the apartment had been filling since 10 a.m. Thursday morning. Jah got there at 10 p.m. Thursday night and noticed something. Seth called the Fire Department on Friday and they had to send somebody else. Seth was embarrassed to tell Jonathan that he almost killed him. Seth’s mom got him a carbon monoxide detector because she loves him so much
59:00 – Jah got a $75 parking ticket right before the show started for parking in the red zone in front of Seth’s house, and they tacked on another $25 ticket for not having a front license plate on the bumper (he had it in the windshield)
2:34 – Seth was on the phone with Jonathan today, they got off the phone, Jonathan said something that made Seth drop the phone, then Seth called Jah back 3 times in a row and Jah never picked it back up. Jah forgets what he said, but Seth reminds him: “Ciao.”
7:16 – Jah knew a girl named Savannah who was so cute in a summer acting camp that he went to. Seth calls it “Camp Actingcamp”
8:25 – Jah reveals that his driver’s license photo is dreadful. Seth describes Jah as leaning back, eyes half closed, gritting his teeth, full beard mustache, looking as if he’s “committed things that could or could not be deemed unsavory.” It’s the kind of license where you hand it to an officer and you are getting a ticket. Jah explains that it was an accident. He had to redo something and show up there again and take another picture. It was in between the two pictures when she took that picture, and Jah couldn’t believe it. There were people behind him and rather than asking to redo the photo he just said “fine.” Seth brought hair & makeup in with him to the Sherman Oaks DMV so he could get a legit license photo
15:35 – Jonathan remembers filling out a couple college admissions essays, but he never sent them out with applications because he never took his SATs. Seth thinks they should both go on a Saturday morning and take their SATs with high school kids. Jah thinks he might still be able to give the administrators a note that says he has ADD and he can take the test untimed
30:55 – Jah doesn’t currently have a TV. He has two of them in his apartment but neither of them are plugged in and neither have cable hookup, etc. He realizes this is the first time in his life he’s ever been without one
36:46 – There was a restaurant Seth went into a few years ago after he got sober on Sunset – it opened in 1978 so for the weekend it was rolling back the prices to 1978. The dudes were wearing bell bottoms and Seth got his mack on with four breakfast entrees for $7.
46:23 – Seth brings up his bad days of letter carrying (Episode 143, 2:07). He also had a friend from Texas send him photos of him with an actual mobster, Henry Hill (portrayed by Ray Liotta in Goodfellas). He gets home Friday night and sees a note in the mailbox that he has something at the post office. He goes down to the post office Saturday morning and gets through about three sections of the paper before they open the window and act confused as to where it is. Forty-five minutes later they tell him they lost it and they’ll look for it. Seth got home on Saturday night and the envelope with the photos was under his door (This is the same Nat King Cole Post Office that when his mother sent him his Christmas stocking that he used every year his whole life and she arrived in LA and it was lost, and she was bawling in the post office, and Seth hugs her and mouths to the employees Are you happy? Look at this.).
48:58 – Seth gets a phone call from a buddy of his, Andy, living in Long Island, who tells him he and his mother got his Christmas card – kind of. They got the envelope with no card in it in a bag with a note saying it had been damaged in transit. While Seth is telling his mother about this, his mother tells him that Rob and Deena (his mother’s best friend’s son and wife) in Maryland got the card but it was just the envelope. Seth thinks the reason for the mishap is that he bought some cheap 99-cent store cards and you had to put it perfectly in the envelope otherwise the corner of it would tear the edge of it. Seth’s mom laughs and thinks it’s funny, but Seth starts panicking because he’s sent hundreds of them. Jah says he’s received texts this week asking to tell Seth thanks for the Christmas cards
51:23 – Jah also had something happen this week. A long time ago he talked about having his identity stolen, people starting up accounts and putting his name on it. He had called the people and told them it was fraudulent, they were supposed to send him an affadavit which never came. He thought it was rectified. The other day he got a letter from a different collections agency regarding the same account – Sam’s Club (Episode 056, 47:51). Seth calls the number and gets on the phone with the dude, who’s being super cool and casual on the phone. He tells Jah he’s been on both ends of this and he understands completely. Jah thinks his name is something like Charles. Charles basically gets up front with Jah, telling him it’s such a drawn-out crazy process, and says, “Just pay it.” Over the process of 10 minutes he convinces Jah to just cut the $177 check and take care of it. He’ll then receive the letter and it will go off his credit – which it’s been on his credit for more than a year
4:14 – Jah remembers a nativity scene in Malibu, and the baby Jesus got stolen one year. The next year Jonathan walked up to the nativity scene and it was basically the exact same baby Jesus but it had a giant steel bolt through its stomach into the foundation
39:13 – Jah woke up the other day and was convinced he sent a crazy e-mail to somebody, but it was just a really vivid dream
42:51 – Seth saw a lady the other day with a Hilary Clinton bumper sticker
43:47 – Jah got frustrated at the dude who had already painted his address on his curb and tried to knock on his door and look at him like an asshole when Jah told him he didn’t want him to do it or put the American flag stencil on it either
50:53 – Jonathan was convinced that he saw Haley Joel Osment at the Jogger concert last night. It was a little guy walking around in a canvas hat and blazer and totally age appropriate. Jah got so close to him and wasn’t sure if it was him or not
2:00 – Jonathan got pulled over by a cop and got a ticket for talking on his cell phone. Jah argued with the motorcycle cop about what was illegal about what he was doing, because he was talking to Dimitri holding it on speaker and didn’t have it on his ear. The cop interrupted him and said “I NEED TO SEE YOUR LICENSE!” The guy took 20 minutes to fill out the ticket while Jah is sitting there texting. On their way to M 10 minutes later Jah pulls up and is holding his phone talking to Josiah the web designer. Dimitri asks Jah what he’s thinking
6:48 – Jonathan had a problem uploading the podcast this week, and while he was trying to upload it there was a TV in the room with the movie Definitely Maybe playing on it. Halfway through the third act, Jonathan realized he had cried 4 different times at 4 different scenes in the movie. He blames part of this on the fact that he has an old sweet dog who may die and he’s coming to terms with that. He starts yelling “What the fuck is wrong with me!?” out loud.
18:51 – Seth was playing The Sopranos pinball game, which was a panic attack compared to the old-school pinball game Jah’s dad gave Seth, “Fire.” Seth got some sort of a high score and it gave him the same amount of letters to type in as it did when he was 8 years old – 3 letters. So he put in RMA for Roma, not UYD (Episode 068, 56:17)
2:06 – Seth can feel that the 3-year Mayan calendar creep is officially on because he was in a CVS and they were selling Quetzalcoatyl merchandise. He is not scared of that, but is scared of the Valentine’s Day creep because he was in a Rite-Aid and they were selling all kinds of candy. He’s going to go to the International Star Registry and register a star under UYD so someday a listener can go there and listen to the show from Constellation UYD
3:22 – Jah reluctantly accepts that it is 2009. He wrote it down in a bank today and his stomach got a little queasy
21:43 – Jonathan shot off 2 different guns on New Year’s but has no idea how many bullets he sprayed because he was in a full tequila blackout
29:45 – Jonathan and Seth recall cruising while seeing boy/twink tracks all the time in the mid-90s, seeing full trannys and then moving more east and seeing Judas Priest fans. Seth would see them from Gower to Wilton. Jah says it still goes off on Santa Monica Blvd.
33:36 – Seth was at LAX the night Jah dropped him off after doing Episode 147 before flying to Boston. He was trying to get a celeb because he rarely gets them at the airport. Seth sees Ben Lyons, the awful film critic from E! He noticed Ben looking around waiting for someone to recognize him, which reminded him of when he saw Eric Bana doing the same thing for 45 minutes at the Arclight. Seth gets back to Boston and tells his mom about seeing Lyons, then he’s reading an article in the Calendar section of his Boston Globe– “Is Ben Lyons the most hated film critic in America?” Seth thinks this is random, then finds a website devoted to him called stopbenlyons.com, and another E-critics site that has the Ben Lyons quote of the week. He reads quotes from Eric Childress, VP of the Chicago Film Critics Association, saying “…everyone thinks he’s a joke,” etc. In 2007 Lyons called 300 one of the best films of the last 25 years, yet didn’t put it on his end-of-the-year Top 10 list – although Black Snake Moan did. He also called I Am Legend “one of the greatest movies ever made.” Lyons also praised Zohan and said “the honeymoon from Titanic is definitely over…” in reference to Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett in Revolutionary Road, yet Titanic ended with DiCaprio drowning and freezing to death in the ocean
38:10 – Jah watched Hancock last night and did not enjoy it very much. He said it started out OK, however. Jah was surprised at how many times men in the movie made references to other men’s asses, etc.
40:40 – Seth had a little time to get away and get back to himself over Christmas. He stood in his childhood bathroom, and stood in the window and looked out at a view he’s seen countless times, yet he saw it in a way he’s never experienced before. It had a profound effect on him, and he brought it back with him to Los Angeles
42:05 – On Christmas Eve, Jonathan was in a bar and was outside, and a girl walked up to him who was extremely drunk, and began flirting with him and telling him he looked like Chris Robinson. She made Jah take down his hair and began kissing it, and then she introduced him to her boyfriend, whom he awkwardly spoke to. He goes back in and begins drinking a beer, and then she goes up to Dimitri and starts taking it to him and whispering in his ear about Jonathan. She said she wanted to go home and adjust her bra so they could see her body. She puts her hand on the inside of Jah’s thigh, pinches in and says “My boyfriend doesn’t care.” Jah: “About what?” Girl: “About anything!!” She hangs out, going back and forth, putting in an occasional 30 seconds with her boyfriend who is literally 5 feet away from them
11:10 – Seth and Jah reminisce on seeing Minority Report together at the Arclight a few years ago when a man stood up and said “Shame on you Spielberg!” (Episode 051, 36:35)
26:40 – When Seth’s childhood babysitter, Ginger Whitehouse, didn’t let Seth watch Superman, he pulled his prick out and pissed on the rug
36:06 – Jah was talking to his friend the other day and during the conversation recalls a story from a long time ago – he and a friend were standing outside of a place in Hollywood and they were saying goodbye to a bunch of people. One of them was a girl, who left and walked across the crosswalk of Santa Monica Blvd. As she’s walking, this Corvette hauls ass and tries to go through as she’s walking, screeches up to her and almost hits her. She smacks the roof of the car and yells at the guy. Dude makes a left and pulls over, at this point Jah and his homies are three-quarters of a block away on the opposite side of the street. They see him pull over, and it’s dark and late, and they see him get up in her shit and grab her. Jah’s boy Jimmy runs up the street with a backpack on, and as he gets to him, he pops his two straps off his shoulders and as he goes back he drops his two arms behind him, lets the backpack slide off his shoulders, and leans backwards and kicks the dude square in his chest, and the dude launches through the air, falls over and gets into his car. Jimmy runs up the street, Jah gets in his car, a block west of them and goes down and makes a right-hand turn onto the side street. He sees the Corvette pull up and clip Jimmy as he crosses the street. As it clips him, Jimmy puts his hand on the roof of the car and pushes himself up off it, then rolls off the hood, Jah picks Jimmy up in his car and they call the cops. Two minutes later there are sheriffs everywhere, and 4 minutes later they radioed another guy and said they think they caught him. The dude lived a block away, had just pulled his car into the driveway, and they went into his house and found a bunch of stolen diamonds. They walk him out, flash the light on him and they confirm it’s him as they’re sitting in the back of the police cruiser. Seth: “Bottom line is by coming to a lady’s rescue you broke up Southern California’s biggest jewelry ring.” Jah: “No, bottom line is by coming to a lady’s rescue you get to cum on a lady.”
49:49 – Seth watched Boomerang on Comedy Central the other day and Eddie Murphy was making him laugh. His defense is that that was a long time ago. Jonathan does us one more: He sat the other night and watched 20-30 minutes of a George Carlin comedy special (“Back In Town” that was funny and wasn’t old-old. Jah couldn’t watch more recent specials because Carlin was too old and bitter
52:49 – Seth is standing in the juice place on Franklin, Real Raw Live. The juice costs $14 and he couldn’t believe that. There’s a guy talking to a really attractive girl behind Seth and says “You know, I think I really only have two great albums in me.” Seth turns around 180 degrees, looks the dude dead in the eye, stares at him for 3 long paused seconds where their conversation stops and Seth turns back around and spends $48 on a Raw Bar and a juice
55:09 – Jah was in Guitar Center with Amir shopping for equipment, and this trio of teens walks in – two dudes and one girl. The dudes plug in guitars and start playing awesome speed metal, and the girl – whom Jah has seen making out with her boyfriend in this store before – looks at Jah and smiles, exposing full metal braces and rubber bands. Jah walks around the kiosk to look at a guitar on the other side, and the girl turns away from him for a second. She’s wearing a flannel button-down shirt unbuttoned and a tiny tank top and bra, and pulls down her shirt and pulls her bra apart to get her boobs sorted out, and continues staring at Jah. Jah doesn’t think she was a day over 14
5:19 – Seth bought a Los Angeles Times on Monday, and was getting his money out and the cashier said “Eighty-one cents.” The second he said it, Seth’s head went to the corner of the paper and the price said .75 intead of .50 and muttered “motherfuckers. The cashier replied “Yeah…”
5:50 – Jonathan saw Sarah Michelle Gellar today in traffic. She congratulated UYD on their 150th episode. Seth thinks she and FPJ (Freddie Prinze Jr.) will both smoke a bowl, kick back and listen to 150
6:29 – Seth had chicken pox when he was younger, and Jonathan had them at age 11. He got them the week his class was taking a trip to Catalina. He was so excited about going on the trip and got the pox so bad, and was pretty bummed when he couldn’t go.
8:35 – Seth got a traffic violation this week and hands it to Jonathan to read: VIOLATION 127315: DRIVER NOT WEARING SEATBELT. Another violation: DRIVER PASSED NUMEROUS VEHICLES IN THE PARKING LANE. Seth is mad that he received this violation because he drove through that lane and pulled into the parking lot off of the parking lane in Western because there weren’t any cars there, and he pulled in to fill up his bottles of Alps Drinking Water. The cop walks up as Seth is pulling into the lane and unbuckling his seatbelt to reach for some change. Seth explains what he was doing and the cop goes “nice try.” Cop tells Seth he can’t pass cars on the right, Seth explains he was pulling in to the lot and shows him the empty water bottle. Cop asks for license and registration and insurance, and as the cop is walking away Seth goes “read the sticker on the back of my car.” The sticker says UYD: SEATBELTS. Cop comes back and hands Seth the ticket. Instead of pulling into the lot, Seth has to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic to move six car lengths to make a right, pulls into the drive, gets out of his car, then stands and stares at the cop. Jah recommends that Seth fight the ticket
17:24 – When Seth got pulled over, he had some BS in his car, and sitting on top of everything in the bag were two medicated gingerbread cookies. Seth was worried that he would be discovered by the cop because it was hot outside and it would draw the aromas out. He was going to see his hairdresser, Luis, and wanted to share
18:55 – Seth went to a Christmas party with a Secret Santa exchange and had forgotten to bring a gift, so he goes back to the Plymouth Sundance, gets a Starbucks bag and puts in a Bible and a pregnancy test. He walks upstairs, drops the bag and is standing outside and hears full commotion. The guy who got it was sort of not pleased whereas everyone else was loving it. The Bible had an inscription inside it TO OUR SON BILLY… from like 1989.
23:37 – Seth receives foreign royalties for a little film he was in called Crossroads. He receives $0.90 from Denmark, $8.16 from Germany and another $2.93 from Germany – a total gross of $11.99. Seth: “Thank you, Britney.”
50:58 – Jah’s mom used to put Vicks Vapor Rub on his chest when he was a kid
4:29 – Seth finally saw The Dark Knight, which Jah thinks is funny. Seth still has many questions about what the point of being a Batman is. Seth thinks the movie was way too long and thinks that Heath Ledger didn’t do anything except lick his lips. Jah enjoyed it but not quite as much as everyone else. Jah also points out that Seth is one of the few people who grew up in the U.S. as a child and didn’t get into superheroes. Seth takes it as a compliment to be called a “rarer breed” and pounds it with Jah
20:57 – Seth saw Notorious, then he saw Paul Blart eight hours apart but at the same theater with the same dude tearing his ticket. The look he gave Seth at night the same day he had seen Seth that morning was a mixture of disgust, dispair and fascination. He also called a couple people over and pointed at Seth. Seth says they were both really bad movies. When he saw Paul Blart, he was in a theater of interracial gay couples, groups of tween girls and two 45-year-old women drinking sodas next to him. If he saw anyone in the theater who knows him, he would rather be caught with his pants down in a gay club with a whistle partying.
32:41 – Something happened the other day and Jah decides to tell the whole story. He rides a fixed-gear bicycle and is somewhat of an enthusiast at this point and has been riding it quite a bit. Dimitri has one as well and has been riding with him. Jah says it’a little bit ridiculous because the culture is very trendy, but he is obsessed with it because it’s helped him lose a big amount of weight in a short amount of time. The other day Jah and Dimitri went to eat, but Jah had gotten to the neighborhood earlier, went to Starbucks, tied his bike up and walked over to the restaurant on Montana. They’re sitting at a table outside because D’s bike is propped up by them without a lock on it. They’ve ordered food, and Jah all of a sudden sees a dog running up the street, leash attached, in the middle of traffic. The dog makes a hard left in front of a car, car screeches to a halt. A motorcyclist has been chasing it, a dude on a bike was chasing, and Jah jumps on D’s bike and goes up the neighborhood trying to find the dog. Jah loses the dog but runs into the kid on a bike and starts talking to him. He rides around and doesn’t see it. He comes back, props the bike up and sits down at the table to explain what happened. After a minute sitting there, he sees the dog come back again, run down the same street in the opposite direction going downhill crazier and faster. He jumps back on the bike, but a person he knows is getting into their truck ahead of Jah. He books it down the street on Dimitri’s ultra-slick bike that’s way too small for him. The dog is well ahead of him, and as he’s going down the street he sees a woman 5 blocks away walking across the street screaming, and he realizes it’s the dog’s owner. As he bikes by he goes “What’s your dog’s name?!!!” and she goes “Bailey!! Bailey!!” The hill starts to stop and the dog starts to slow down. Jah gets up on it and sees it’s wearing a Lakers leash. Jah realizes he needs to get close enough, jump out and grab the leash and secure it. He rides up next to it, the dog is covered in saliva, and Jah starts saying the dog’s name over and over. The dog looks at Jah the second time he says it, slows up and goes to make a right in an alley. At the same time Jah goes counter-clockwise as the dog goes clockwise to turn. He gets in front of her, she stops for a second and he dives, grabs the leash and collapses on the ground. He hit his knees pretty hard and jacked D’s bike up a little bit. He looks over and there’s people sitting at a table with their arms folded all grumpy, going, “You OK?” Jah goes “Yeah I’m fine.” Another woman goes “You’ve got your hands full there, don’t you.” Jah gets a little pissed because he assumes they think he’s a negligent dog owner. As this happens, the pickup truck pulls up, passenger door opens up, and the woman dog owner comes out of the truck of the dude who was back at the restaurant, who had picked her up on the way down the hill. The woman dives down, grabs the dog and starts crying. Jonathan looks at the dude who was driving the truck, and it’s Lou Ferrigno. Lou looks at Jah and goes “Great job!” and gives Jonathan a thumbs-up. At the time when he did it, Jah thought it was odd that he was the only person within the 15 blocks that was capable of saving the dog, 1) because of the bike, 2) because of his predisposition to this stuff, and 3) because he has a boner for riding a bike and it was justifiable to ride like a banshee down the street and power-pedal like crazy. Seth: “There were only 2 men that could do it. One of them was in a vehicle and couldn’t do it. The other was Junior Hulk.”
49:04 - Jah met Kelli McCarty a couple years ago but had no idea who she was until she did research about the XXX film she will star in. It was at another dog store he worked in. She was very lovely and a nice dog lover. He was quite smitten with her.
52:27 – Seth ordered the Girls Gone Wild videos for one of his friends as a birthday gift back around 2000 and he got one, then they kept sending another one and another one. He says it was before GGW was a thing, when all they knew was there was a crazy guy named Joe getting girls to do crazy stuff.
55:22 – Jah brings up Seth’s old life as a negligent postal worker (Episode 143, 2:07). He says it wasn’t as much him hoarding mail as it was him seeing boxes on the road that he didn’t know were his and he couldn’t even open them because they had so much mail in them. He would also deliver mail to the wrong address, which he said was his way of investing in the community and getting everyone to come out of their shells.
Episode 151S
8:43 – Jah’s father got sent a Thighmaster from Suzanne Sommers in the peak of Thighmasters, autographed from Suzanne: JOHN: JUST PUT IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND SQUEEZE. LOVE, SUZANNE SOMMERS. Seth: “Uh, hello eBay.” Jah: “How’s that for a Live Autograph?” (Episode 149, 1:06)
4:35 - Jonathan says his friend Dimitri knows Vince from the Shamwow! infomercials and was telling Jah about this while they saw the Shamwow! infomercial on TV “at the place where we were.” Seth suspects that this “place” was Plan B.
5:00 – A Hispanic woman was talking to Seth about a movie and was like “Oh you know who’s in that, the guy from West Wing. Seth: “Who, Martin Sheen.” Woman: “Yeah, he comes out in that. And J-Lo comes out in that.” Jah is trying to figure out the accent Seth is attempting here, and Seth explains it’s his Hispanic woman from LA voice. Seth told the lady he came here to be an actor and it didn’t really work out, and she responded with “What did you come out in.” Seth didn’t get it, but the way he responds to ‘Where do you stay at?’ and ‘What did you come out in?’ is “I stay in Hobart and I come out in Crossroads. Jah wishes he could just flip a switch and start using those expressions.
11:44 – Seth watched a couple episodes of House while he was lying on his mother’s couch at home in Boston over Christmas, up all night watching episodes. In one episode, he solved the craziest medical riddle ever, and Seth was like “wow that’s amazing.” On another episode, House trips on acid, and then does another even crazier riddle, and in the end he’s right again. Seth thought to himself, “Does this happen every episode?” If Seth worked with House, he’d be like, “Just ask House, he’ll figure it out,” and then go to the movies.
14:03 – Seth watched a lot of TV with his mom while he was home. They watched Failure To Launch in its entirety on the USA Network from 8 to 10 with commercials, drinking tea and eating ginger cookies. Jah watched an episode of Ugly Betty today, which he had never seen, and can’t make out what was going on in the show. The show
