42:17 – Parade magazine’s “What If?” section with Marilyn vos Savant prompts some crazy stupid answers: I wrote, “Jerry Seinfeld co-created the television series Seinfeld. But what if he had starred in Desperate Housewives?” Here are your answers. Janet Duckworth of Evansville, Ind.: “He’d have to keep his front door locked.” … Keith Edmundson of Mount Prospect, Ill.: “The characters would probably only talk about sex.” … Mike Bellman of Columbia, Mo.: “Every time he walked into the bedroom he’d be saying, ‘What’s up with that?’”
48:48 – Seth reads some more Parade magazine’s “What Ifs?” from Marilyn vos Savant (Episode 063, 42:17). I wrote, “The Beatles began singing as a pop band in Liverpool, but what if they had started out as singing gondoliers instead?” Here are some of your answers. Conrad Neiman of Sumter, S.C.: “With all of their fans, Venice would have sunk by 1970.” … Marsha Fitzpatrick of Blythesville, Ark.: “An early hit of theirs would have been I Saw Her Floating There.” … Susie Hale of Bedford, Texas: “Beatles? No, they would have called themselves The Waterbugs.” Another one from vos Savant: I wrote, Larry King interviews the famous as well as the notorious, but what if he was a high school guidance counselor instead? Here are some of your answers. Kathy Burnwhite: “Well some of his ex-wives would have been a lot younger.” … Joanie Halpin of Allen, Texas: “You couldn’t tell him your problem without being interrupted.” … Anne Espramer of Marquette, Mich.: “Instead of making suggestions, all he’d say is, ‘So where do you go from here?’” … Last but not least, people send in questions to Parade.com and get answer. Question: “Last year, months in advance, you correctly predicted that Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker would win Oscars. Who are your picks this year?” Answer: “Well, no actress has emerged as a slam-dunk, but we’re ready to predict that John Travolta will win as Best Actor for his portrayal of Edna Turnblad in Hairspray.”
21:17 – More Parade magazine “What Ifs?” from Marilyn vos Savant. I wrote, “Tom Cruise is a moviestar who champions Scientology. But what if he championed girl scouting instead?” Here are some of your answers. Rhonda Wilson of Peabody, Mass.: “He’d proclaim that Thin Mints would cure depression. OK, maybe this time he’d be right.” … Tom Moore of Everett, Wash.: “The next Mission: Impossible would be about surviving a two-week camping trip with a dozen teenage girls.” … Tracy Coogle of Richmond, Va.: “Well, we’d have a much easier time recruiting leaders.” … Jonathan Preston Larroquette of Park La Brea, Calif.: “You wouldn’t have to worry about him fucking them,” and “You wouldn’t have to worry about any inappropriate activities with your scout leader.” … Another topic, entitled “What Would You Say?”: I wrote, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Here’s what you’d say. Paula Davis of Rangely, Colo.: “The grass is always greener where the water bill is higher.” Sharon Tudel of Carlsbad, Calif.: “The grass is always greener when you’re wearing white slacks.” Gary LeBlanc of Moss Point, Miss.: “The grass is always greener on the fertilizer package.” Jonathan Preston Larroquette of Bel-Air, Calif.: “The grass is always greener, but you still have to mow it.”
8:12 – More Parade magazine “What Ifs?” Jonathan questions whether these are current, because every time Seth reads one of them it feels like a throwback to the late ‘70s. Marilyn vos Savant: I wrote, “Rush Limbaugh is a popular radio talk show host. But, what if he were a Supreme Court justice instead?” Here are some of your answers. Phil Lustry of Modesto, Calif.: “The tabloid headlines would read RUSH TO JUSTICE.” … Tranh Truong of Arlington, Texas: “Clarence Thomas would look like a liberal.” … Nancy Dickey of Wildwood, Mo.: “Deciding what’s ‘right’ would take on a whole new meaning.” … Jonathan can’t believe no one poked fun at Limbaugh’s oxycontin habit. He claims he has no idea what a Parade magazine is, but he does know what a Hit Parader is.
48:44 – “What Would You Say?” from Parade magazine’s Marilyn vos Savant: An English proverb says, “Live every day as though it were your last.” Here’s what’d you’d say. Kevin O’Neal of Hoffman Estates, Ill.: “Live every day as though it will be shown on YouTube.” … Jua Smith of Anaheim, Ca.: “Live every day as though you’re having a good hair day.” … Rick Wright of Atlanta, Ga.: “Live every day as though your therapy will actually work.”
15:44 – Seth covers his Parade magazine “What Ifs…” from Marilyn vos Savant: Joseph Conrad wrote, “He who never made a mistake never made anything.” Here’s what you’d say. John Metz of Fort Worth, Texas: “He who never made a mistake should keep that to himself.” … Cindy Lindsay of Marietta, Ga.: “He who never made a mistake never took algebra.” … Julie Dostile of Oneonta, N.Y.: “He who never made a mistake will make an excellent ex-husband.”
37:10 – More Parade magazine “What Would You Say….” from Marilyn vos Savant: Henry Parker wrote, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” Here’s what you’d say. Bill Kelly of Mechanicsburg, Pa.: “The bigger they are, the older the fish story.” … Christine Newhouse of Central Square, N.Y.: “The bigger they are, the more likely they’re fake.” Seth says we’ll be back next time with A French proverb says, “The best things come in small packages.” What would you say? Fill in the blank with one or more words: “The best things _______.”
8:21 – Seth rattles off a few Parade magazine “What Would You Say?” from Marilyn vos Savant: A French proverb says, “The best things come in small packages.” Here’s what you’d say. Sylvia Chapelle of Lakeside, Ohio: “The best things go on sale the day after you buy one.” … Paul Agathin of Washington, Mo.: “The best things come with no assembly required.” … Dallas Heckman of Allentown, Pa.: “The best things now belong to my former spouse.” … Jonathan still claims to have never seen a Parade magazine in the flesh.
12:05 – Seth dips back into Parade magazine, this time with the Q&A section. One from Jeanette Gentry of Anderson, Indiana: “Why hasn’t Danny Glover been awarded an Oscar?”
20:08 – Chris Wariner of Greensboro, N.C., writes into Parade magazine’s Q&A section: “Hey I read that Kid Rock was hospitalized in England. Should I be concerned about his health?”
33:00 – Seth dips back in to some Parade magazine Q&A where people randomly write in questions and Parade answers: Lisa Jensen of Casper, Wyo: “I heard that Mindfreak daredevil Criss Angel died doing a stunt. True?” Answer: “False. The tattooed illusionist emerged from a recent stunt on his A&E series with serious scrapes and bruises, but it is true that his Angel feels like he has died and gone to heaven. He’s dating Holly Madison, one of Hugh Hefner’s stunning former girls next door.” Another question: “Settle this bet between my husband and I – I say that Spencer Tracy was in 30 movies. My husband says he was in 60. Tell us who wins the bet?” Another question: “What’s the story with Paris Hilton? Her behavior seems so unsavory?”
2:56 – Seth dips back into Parade magazine Q&A, and Kaitlynn Hoop of Wyoming, Mich., sent in this question: “Bones star David Boreanaz has a tattoo on his right wrist. What does it mean?” The answer: “Actually, Kaitlynn, Boreanaz has tattoos on both wrists. Like many young actors, he chose Japanese Kanji ideographs. In this case, one says soul, the other says destiny. By the way, other celebrities fond of Japanese Kanji characters include singers Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Janet Jackson and Britney Spears.”
26:10 – Parade magazine letters: Linda Palubicky of Winona, Minn., asks: “Who’s the cute curly-haired singer in those FreeCreditReport.com commercials?” The answer: “Well, judging from all the female reader response, French Canadian actor Eric Violette has already won many fans. The 27-year-old bachelor tells us ‘Being known in America but not Quebec helps me to keep my feet on the ground.’”
43:34 – Parade magazine Q&A submissions: Duane Wilder of Denison, TX, asks: “How is Robin Williams recovering from his recent open-heart surgery?” They went right to Robin Williams, who said “I can’t wait to get back on the road and resume my comedy tour. I’m thinking the next leg could be called ‘Weapons of Self-Destruction and Reconstruction.’ I got some great new material.”
5:17 – Newsweek questions. Adrian Wood of Baton Rouge, La., to Larry King: “Larry, how many pairs of suspenders do you have?” Larry King: “Never counted them. But my guess would be—there are suspenders in New York, in Washington and of course in my home at Los Angeles—150. But they can’t be clip-ons. Every pair of pants I buy—jeans, anything—we sew in the suspender buttons.”
8:53 – Seth gives some Parade magazine Q&A. J.T. from Mesquite, Texas: “Who’s the guy with Sandra Bullock in the ads for The Proposal?” Jah can’t comprehend the amount of time wasted composing that letter and mailing it in when he could have used something called a search engine.
52:19 – Richard Chogyoji of California wrote into PARADE magazine: “Monica Potter was so engaging in Patch Adams but I haven’t seen her in recent films. Why?”
11:40 – Ruth T. of Columbus, Ohio writes into Walter Scott’s Personality Parade in PARADE magazine: “Tyra Banks often dances on her show. Does she know what she’s doing?”
21:25 – PARADE magazine features a question from Gallagher in Madison, Wisc.: “What is child star Jonathan Taylor Thomas up to? Does he still act? Is he gay?” Seth tries to corroborate the rumor that JTT is gay, so he goes to a gay blog and reads a comment that says “People with short left index fingers date women and people with short right index fingers date men.” Seth fears that he is gay because his right one is shorter, while Jah’s are the same size. Jah wonders if he is bi.
10:14 – PARADE magazine features a question from Cynthia Arr of Seattle, Wash.: “I love Jessica Szohr, who plays Gossip Girl’s Vanessa. What’s coming up for her on the show?” Jessica Szohr responds, “I always get into trouble because I say too much. But there is something kind of fun and crazy in the offing.” In response to another question about seeing her on the big screen: “Well, Piranha 3D will be coming out in April 2010. I was in Arizona shooting it. We had to pretend piranhas were attacking us when there were no piranhas actually there.”
19:07 – PARADE magazine answers reader questions: Don Buyington of West Greenwich, R.I., asks “Who’s the announcer for Saturday Night Live? Has it always been the same person?” Seth then gives us a synopsis: Except for one season, 1981-82, it’s been the great Don Pardo (91). He began his career in radio in the 30s and worked his way up to be NBC’s top game show announcer and started with the first season of SNL and has been there the entire run. He lives in Tucscon, Ariz., and flies to New York every weekend to do the show in the studio.
5:41 – PARADE magazine answers the reader question: Jim Davis of Mesa, Ariz.: “Some late night hosts have joked that O.J. Simpson is counseling his fellow prisoners on anger management?” The answer: “He’s not doing counseling specifically,” says Simpson’s promoter and movie producing partner Norman Pardo. “What he’s doing is he meets people who maybe don’t like whites and he tries to get them to like each other. He just wants to be peaceful and he wants everyone to stop fighting.” Seth thinks this is a little crazy since he killed a couple of whites.
27:15 – A question that appeared in Los Angeles magazine in a section called “Ask Chris”: Q: “On Saturdays, the elevators at Cedars Sinai Medical Center stop at every floor? Why?” A: “Because Moses said so. In the book of Exodus, the prophet orders the people of Israel to do no work on the Sabbath, including kindling of fires. Early in the last century, Jewish religious ordered that the opening of an electrical circuit, for example pressing an elevator button, was akin to setting a fire, and forbade it. Hence the Shabat Elevators at Cedars, which are wired to stop at every floor on Saturdays. All patients are given a card that outlines the hospital’s religious practices: an awning over the morgue for Kohen Jews, electric candles, a kosher kitchen and even an in-house imam priest and rabbai.
20:01 – PARADE magazine answers the reader question: Trish Emerson of Houston, Texas: “Paranormal Activity scared the wits out of me. It said it was a true story – is it? The answer, from filmmaker Oren Peli: “Well, after I moved to a new house with my girlfriend, we heard things at night, which started me thinking about the idea of setting up a video camera and letting it run while you’re asleep. How scary would it be to go through the footage and see something happening that shouldn’t be happening?”
33:29 – Although the US mint spends 1.4 cents to make a penny, 42% of PARADE magazine readers say they’re not giving up their pennies. Among the comments: “I can’t imagine how I could count to 10 without first starting at 1.” … “How could I buy anything for $19.99?” Seth thinks pennies are bad luck, but Marcia thinks they’re good luck if you find one facing head’s-up.
1:54 – Seth jumps into some Ask Marilyn by Marilyn vos Savant in PARADE magazine: Rob Farber from Paoli, Pa., asks: “Why is life so hard?” Seth says that if anyone knows Rob Farber, have him call 888-842-2357 to Ask Seth vos Savant.
5:50 – Seth read The Playboy Adviser in his Playboy magazine. DN from Cleveland, Tenn., writes: “My husband is in the National Guard and deploying to Iraq again. I want to buy pocket pussies for his unit as parting gifts. Can you suggest a brand that’s not too expensive because I’ll need 37?” The Playboy Adviser says, “That’s a generous gift, but are you sure the other women saying goodbye are cool with your distributing masturbation sleeves?”
41:38 – Seth reads some Ask Amy from the Los Angeles Times: “Dear Amy, My mother gets her hair done at a very expensive salon and as a surprise offered to pay for me to have my hair done there by her stylist. I went there without my mom and the stylist was very flirty. At the end of my appointment he asked for my number. He’s 24. I’m 17. Mistake No. 1? I love the attention so I wrote my phone number on his tip. When he actually called that night and asked me to meet him at a party in the city, I was totally taken aback and I told him I was busy. He asked me to call him this weekend to set something else up. I’m freaking out because I have absolutely no desire to ever go out with a man seven years older. I can’t tell my mom because he does her hair. I can never go back there. I have no idea how to handle the mess I made. Signed, Flirting Failure.” The response from Amy: “Dear Flirting, We moms really don’t like it when trusted adults hit on our daughters. I realize that many women absolutely love their hair stylist but we love our daughters more. You can assume your mother will deal with him directly. If this guy calls, tell him, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re way too old for me. I only go out with guys my age.’ The ‘way too old for me’ line will give this obnoxious guy something to think about.”
50:09 – Steven Caden of Los Angeles writes into the Los Angeles Times after their report on 3D: “After reading your critical take on 3D, for better or for worse, I wish you could expose Real-D. It can literally ruin a movie. When the writer described Clash of the Titans as ‘gray and colorless,’ that is what I saw at the Bridge when I saw Avatar in Real-D. I have seen Avatar in five different technologies. I’ve done extensive reading about each.”
13:27 – Don D. of Mobile, Ala., writes in a question to PARADE Magazine: “I heard that Nicolas Cage and Richard Gere are brothers. True?”
11:55 – Seth was reading PARADE Magazine’s Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Joel Weckerly of Cypress, Texas, writes in: “One of my favorite actors, John Larroquette, was on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson wearing a t-shirt reading ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’ What did it mean?” PARADE went to John (maybe) for an answer: “Uhh Yeah Dude is a podcast that my son Jonathan co-writes,” says the actor, 62. “The subtitle is ‘A Look at America through the eyes of two American Americans.’ They have segments like ‘Who’s Parenting Harder?’ where they tell horrible stories about what parents do to their children.” Seth thinks a bunch of Bill O’Reilly patriots will dip in to check out these Americans to see what they’re up to, then be mortified to learn they’re talking about bags of dicks. Jonathan says this can’t be a quote from his father because he knows that they don’t write the show, so he wouldn’t say “co-writes.” Jah says he will certainly find out if his dad really responded. … Dan Krause of Thousand Oaks, Calif., then writes: “Is cyclist Lance Armstrong the son of astronaut Neil Armstrong?”
17:07 – In the July issue of Playboy, M.C. from Providence, R.I., writes into the Playboy Adviser with a question: “I watched a movie in which the ‘Double Dutch’ sex act is described. Two men face each other and grab their own erections. Using his free hand, each man grabs the forehand of the other and moves it back and forth to jerk him off. Is that gay?”
17:25 – Walter Scott’s Personality Parade in PARADE Magazine. Tom Adams in San Diego, Calif., writes: “I heard that Will Ferrell went to USC to become a sports reporter. What happened?” The answer: “I love sports, but it was more fun being funny,” says the actor, 43, currently starring opposite Mark Wahlberg in The Other Guys. “I would call dorms pretending to be from the maintenance office and say, ‘There’s been a chemical spill! Stay in your room!’ or I’d stand outside the cafeteria and yell, ‘The health department has just advised, Do not eat the fish!’”
18:52 – Anita Kelly of St. Louis, Mo., has a question for Walter Scott’s Personality Parade in PARADE Magazine: “Is it true that Joey Lawrence wrote the theme for his ABC Family show, Melissa and Joey?” The answer: “Yes, a bunch of people submitted songs, but ‘Stuck With Me’ won,” says Joey Lawrence. “I did a full remix of it that’s going to be on my new record. I had a really successful album. I never did it again but music is what first inspired me before acting.”
8:13 – Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Question from C. Holt in Atlanta, Ga.: “Watching a sad movie the other day, I wondered, ‘Is it difficult for performers to see themselves or their spouses in dangerous or tragic situations on screen?’” Answer from Nicole Kidman: “You know, it can be. When we saw Rabbit Hole together, Keith wept. He was totally in shock. He said, ‘It broke my heart.’ Later he just wanted to talk and talk and talk about it. But I love being able to go to those dark places. I didn’t become an actress just to play the girl next door.”
25:25 – Seth reads from the February 2010 Playboy Advisor. T.C. from San Francisco, Calif., writes: “A number of girlfriends have asked me how I lost my virginity and I’ve never known what to say because it happened during a gangbang. I was drinking with five guys and a girl. We all knew our female friend turned into a horndog when she got drunk and one thing led to another. We had a rotation going for about two hours. We weren’t greedy but she was. Looking back I remember it being a lot of fun. There were no hard feelings or regrets from anyone involved. But what should I tell people?” The answer goes: “Why not tell the truth? You got drunk with a friend with a party. The sex was fun and you’re still friends. Having five guys share the experience is unusual, but not an essential detail in casual conversation.”
6:04 – Parade featured a poll, “Do you lie to your doctor about your lifestyle?” 75% of people said no and 25% said yes.
12:50 – “Dear Liz, I read an article in which you recommended getting rid of cell phone insurance. Why?” Answer: “You shouldn’t use insurance to cover costs that you could easily pay out-of-pocket. And if you can’t afford to replace your phone out-of-pocket, you’re spending too much on your phone. Insurance is best used to protect against catastrophic expenses, not minor costs. When you use insurance to cover incidental expenses, you typically pay too much for the coverage, and that’s particularly true for cell phone insurance, which is ridiculously expensive for the protection you get – plus cell phone coverage is notorious for loopholes and exclusions that make it tough to make a claim if your phone is lost, stolen or destroyed.”
45:28 – Parade magazine poses a question about etiquette. Q: “Someone in my office wears low-cut tops that are inappropriate for work. I don’t know where to look when I talk to her. Advice?” A: “Well you could crank up the A/C. But if you don’t want to force your colleagues to work in a meat locker. The best solution, says Beverly Weinstein, a recruiter and the president of Markham Media, is to have a ‘senior female executive’ take the woman aside and gently talk to her about what works for an office environment. There’s no need for conversation to be accusatory. It should be along the lines of, ‘Listen, it’s natural for people to stare at nice-looking figures, but you don’t want to be distracting.’ To avoid any potential misunderstanding, it’s important that a woman exec give the talk – not a man.”
17:57 – The June issue of Playboy featured more from The Playboy Advisor. M.R. from Toledo, Ohio writes: “I keep having a dream about having sex with my mom. Is this normal?”
19:13 – Seth read Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Lucy Liu, a voice in Kung Fu Panda, was speaking: “Yeah, we get asked a lot about a third Charlie’s movie.
32:17 – K.T. from Indianapolis, Ind., writes into the Playboy Advisor with a question: “Please take this question seriously. Can you have sex with a ghost?” Jonathan answers, “Yes.”
1:05:17 – Los Angeles Times Sunday real estate section question: “I separated from my husband 6 months ago. I rented an apartment a couple months back so I could live in peace, but my husband keeps stalking me, keeps threatening me. The police were called the first time and tried to calm the situation, but when he showed up again a week later I had to obtain a restraining order. The resident manager has told me I need to leave before the end of the month because the owner doesn’t want to upset the other tenants with my domestic problems. I can’t find another place by the end of the month. I’m afraid I’ll end up living on the street. What can I do?” The answer: “The situation you described qualifies you for protection under a new state law. California Code Civil Procedures Section 1161.3. This law prohibits terminating the tendency of a victim of domestic violence if the domestic violence has been documented by a police report within the last 180 days or has resulted in a restraining order. Domestic violence covered by this state statute includes stalking. Because you have both a police report and a restraining order, you should be protected from eviction by this statute. You have the right to request that your landlord change the locks to your unit to ensure your husband cannot get in. If your landlord does not change the locks as requested within 24 hours you may change the locks yourself as long as you do so in a workmanlike manner and give the landlord a copy of the new key. The law does allow the landlord to evict you if you voluntarily allow your husband into your unit or if your husband is a danger to the other units around you.”
2:54 – Los Angeles magazine has a column called “Ask Chris” for those who have a burning question about life in L.A. Question: “What happens to dead animals on the road?” Answer: “The Bureau of Sanitation has a specially-trained crew that not only picks up roadkill but will come to your house and pick up deceased household pets free of charge – no horses or cows. They are then taken to the West Coast Rendering Factory in Vernon, Calif. The County of Los Angeles pays $1 per animal and they are stored in silos until they are processed for fish food.”
35:06 – The LA Times Health section has a column called “Ask a Doctor.” Question: “My father had a second-degree burn over the entire top of his foot caused by spilling coffee. I applied soy sauce followed by soaking in ice water. By the next morning the pain was largely gone but the doctor who saw him predicted that it would turn black. When that had not happened two weeks later he asked what I had done to get such a result.” The Doctor says … “Soy sauce works very well for minor burns, but a severe burn deserves immediate medical attention. We are glad, though, that your father healed so well. Others tell us that cold yellow mustard can help a minor burn after liberal applications of cold water. Nevertheless we repeat, a serious burn like your husband’s calls for immediate medical attention.”
13:09 – The August issue of Wired magazine has a column called “Dear Mr. Know-It-All.” Q: “Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I’m an OB/GYN. When I used a surgically-removed uterus as my profile pic on Facebook, Facebook banned me. Um, it’s an organ – not porn! Is Facebook in the wrong?”
3:32 – From the Los Angeles Times Travel section, there is a segment called “On The Spot with Catharine Hamm.” There was a column called “Enjoy Your New Seat” that basically told the readers an airline can reassign a confirmed seat to allow passengers with children to sit together.
36:25 – Ask Amy in the Chicago Tribune. ‘Confused’ writes in: “My 16-year-old daughter received an invitation to another 16-year-old’s baby shower. I was shocked to say the least. I don’t want to allow my daughter to attend. While I admire the teen’s mother, who’s also single, for supporting her child in her unwed pregnancy, I don’t believe throwing a baby shower for her age and inviting her school-aged underaged friends is any way appropriate. I don’t feel a celebration is in order. Am I just getting too old?” The advice was something along the lines of, “Talk to your teen.”
38:05 – ‘Frightened’ writes in: “Dear Amy, I just learned that the co-worker sitting next to me is on the registered sex offender list for abducting a 13-year-old girl. I’m very uncomfortable working next to him, not to mention that I’ve had to travel to various locations alone with him in a car. No one in the office was ever notified of his record. Is this legal?”
57:42 – “Dear Amy, My husband’s ex-wife continues to telephone, text and e-mail him even after he asked her many times not to. She walked out on the family 10 years ago and until I came into the family she had his ear on ‘kid problems.’ Those kids are now grown, they’re married and have children of their own. He doesn’t feel the need to discuss anything with her, yet she continues to pester him. We’ve been married for a year and a half. I sense the ‘I don’t want him, but I don’t want anyone else to have him either’ thing going on. The children deal with him on their own terms. I think she has told them that I won’t let him communicate with her and I am the reason he can’t be civil to her. Should I speak to her myself? What can my husband do? He’s made it clear he wants nothing to do with her.” Amy replies accusingly toward the writer.
3:50 – People sometimes write into Ask Amy, but Seth doesn’t like that anymore. He wants to Ask Jonathan: “My son and his new girlfriend came to visit and stayed with us for a few days. She’s a nice woman but looks unwell. She never finishes her meals but loves sweets and always hits the bathroom after the meal. Actually she seems to make frequent bathroom trips all day. I think she may be bulemic. Should I mention something about this to my son?” ~ Conflicted. Amy’s answer was once again more accusatory than helpful.
46:25 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah answers a question from Helpful Grandma: “I am fortunate to have 5 wonderful grandchildren. These young people are successful and kind and I love them dearly, however this Facebook thing is causing me distress. Sometimes my grandchildren post pictures that are just plain gross and it pains me when I see photos they’ve posted showing them with tongues hanging out or drinks in hand, wearing inappropriate attire and worst of all, giving the middle finger salute. Yuck! I have commented on their tackiness on their Facebook pages, but it doesn’t seem to change their behavior. In face, one of the girls seems to have blocked her profile from me. I feel this is disrespectful. Should I talk to them directly about their unseemly public behavior. How can I get them to change?”
29:43 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “My son married a gal from another country. When I get together with her family, they don’t speak English. I feel they are speaking about me and I don’t like it. I’m a widow. In the past I’ve sat on my own in the living room with a magazine but this holiday season I’m thinking of even staying home. They’re nice people, but this is America and here we speak English. My grandparents came from another country but they spoke English in the home. Do you have any suggestions on what do do? Sincerely, Lost in Translation”
12:22 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah answers a question from Baffled Boyfriend: “A few months ago while my girlfriend and I were having a particularly tough time, I posted two ads on a website asking if anyone was interested in getting together for drinks. I didn’t receive any real replies nor did I respond to anyone. We worked out our issues and we moved on. Then she found copies of the ads I had posted in my outbox. She was heartbroken and spent a month away from my apartment and didn’t return my calls – basically acted like I didn’t exist. Two months later we continued with our lives, but she continues to bring this up. When I ask her to forgive me, am I asking her too much?” Jah doesn’t think he’s asking too much unless he’s not being entirely clear about the nature of the ads.
10:01 - Ask Amy / Ask Jah. 'Stunned' writes: "Our 11-year-old daughter recently attended her first sleepover, a birthday celebration for her friend Sandi. Before the event, my husband and I met and talked with Sandi's parents, learned about the other residents of the home and conducted a sex offender search online to determine that no sexual predators lived in the area. The kids had a great time. Then our daughter reported that she and Sandi got to sit in the trunk of the parents' car when all 6 girls went out to an entertainment venue. The mom drove the girls in the family SUV - one of the two cars they owned - and because only 4 kids can fit in the seats, Sandi and our daughter sat in the way back area without seatbelts facing the roadway. We've explained how dangerous this was and said if it happens again she should call us and we will happily drive her to her destination. I am seething. I keep picturing my daughter in the back of an SUV, happily waving to other drivers. Any one of them could've easily rear-ended the vehicle and crushed her to death. I'm not sure how to speak to these parents about this without creating a scene. What do you think?" … Jah thinks she's a crazy bitch.
22:34 - T.R. from Omaha, Neb., writes in to the Playboy Adviser: "Please settle a bet - what's the correct way to pronounce C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S? My girlfriend says it should be cli-TOR-us, and I say that's it CLIT-uh-rus.
44:35 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “I nanny for two wonderful boys, ages 5 and 8. Their parents have a date night each Friday and allow me to take the boys to college hockey games on these nights. With season tickets, we sit in the same spot every time. So do the people directly around us. Directly behind us, there are a couple of middle-aged men who are very passionate about their hockey team. This passion often involves swear words. I’m worried for the boys, who have gotten in trouble for swearing, but I also understand how people behave at sporting events. Do I have any right to ask the men to watch what they say?” Jah says yes, absolutely.
37:49 – “Dear Amy / Dear Jah-Jah: I have a half-sister. She was offended by something one of my adult children supposedly did to her. She got all bent out of shape and refused to celebrate birthdays and holidays with us anymore – no gifts, no cards. We are not taking this too lightly. I’ve always known she was a little shady. She has, on more than one occasion, helped herself to pens and post-it notes from her workplace. Since she felt that my family and I are no longer good enough to be with her on her Christmas list, I took it upon myself to let her bosses at work know why their office supplies may be dwindling. In turn, she was reprimanded at her job, which cost her a couple of days’ pay and a letter in her personnel file. I also let the IRS know she may not have been reporting all the waitress tips she earned while she worked at a restaurant. Since other family members learned of my tattling, they’ve shunned me. She’s the criminal, not I. So Amy, what do you think? Am I some kind of evil person? To paraphrase Seinfeld’s George Costanza, ‘Was I wrong?’” Jah gets a panic attack from this scenario.
41:05 – “Dear Jah-Jah, I’m a junior in high school. My sister Martha just started college at a nearby university so I see her quite often. Since she started school, she has had a string of boyfriends. Her relationship with our mom isn’t that great, so mom usually relies on me for information on her and her boyfriends. My sister started dating Leon, and she’s in love. The problem is that he is Latino and our mother is racist. I met Leon and he’s a good guy. Our mom hasn’t given him a fair chance and won’t even meet him. My dad stays out of conflcits so I’m stuck in the middle. How can I convince my mom to accept or at least get to know Leon, and how can I convince Martha to talk to my mom again? ~ Upset Sister” Jah wants to know what to do about a Latin man named Leon.
9:14 – “Confused” writes to Ask Amy / Ask Jah-Jah: “My ex recently asked out one of my closest friends. He talks to me daily asking me for advice about her and has frequently said that he values my advice the most. I’m confused about what his intentions are and am confused about our so-called friendship.”
12:42 – More Ask Amy / Ask Jah-Jah: “Three years ago when I started dating my husband, I asked him about kids and he said ‘I could never have kids.’ Then I asked about what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said we would raise the child together. At the time raising kids was not a priority for me so I brushed it aside. The problem is that once we got married five months ago, I realized all of a sudden that having a child is a huge priority for me and I was running out of time. I knew it was wrong but I would ‘accidentally on purpose’ skip days of my birth control, eventually ceasing to take the pills at all. I knew if we had a child my husband would grow to love it. The problem is that after months of this, we never conceived. A few weeks ago I finally decided to broach the topic again with my husband. I discovered that he had a vasectomy a year before we met. He swears that he’s mentioned it before but I know he hasn’t, and I feel sick knowing that he has kept something like this from me. I also feel trapped in my marriage, knowing that it will always be just the two of us. Should I get out now while I can and find a husband who wants a child, or will I outgrow this need?”
27:04 – “Dear Jah, I was divorced a year ago after 19 years of marriage. Like most divorces, it was very difficult. But my family has insisted on continuing a very close relationship with my ex. In fact, my sister and her family are taking a trip with my ex-husband, his new girlfriend and our new daughter. Among other things, I feel it’s far too soon to be taking my daughter on a trip with his new girlfriend. My family knows my feelings and knows this is extremely hurtful to me but they see nothing wrong with it. In fact, my mother said to me, ‘I don’t see the problem, you’re divorced.’ Am I missing something here?” Jah says yes, the family isn’t down with you.
5:47 – This was in the monthly Health section of the Los Angeles Times: “My doctor always washes his hands before an exam, but he never seems to wipe down his stethoscope. This makes me nervous. Should I ask about the stethoscope?” People’s Pharmacy says, “Stethoscopes can carry all sorts of nasty bacteria. We too wonder why doctors are so scrupulous about washing their hands and they seem less concerned about clearning their stethoscopes. We recently learned about a clever new device called ‘Clean Stethoscope’ that could make this process safer. After every exam, the provider slides the bell of the stethoscope into a holder that attaches magnetically to the shirt or white coat. The sponge insert is moistened with a disinfectant to kill germs and is replaced daily.”
7:21 – Ask Jah-Jah: “I work in a field that requires some travel and while traveling with the company owner 20 years my junior, she requires that I share a hotel room with her. She has no sense of personal boundaries. She’ll leave the bathroom door open while using the toilet and yell comments to me that not even my husband does this. She also parades around the room in her thong and tries to discuss her dating and/or sex life with me. I’m usually hiding under the covers at this point, claiming to be tired. When I asked for my own room recently, she said it wasn’t in the budget and she has to be careful with travel costs for the company. She also wants to share room service breakfasts. She’ll order one entrée for us to share and a pot of coffee. I made the in-room coffee and said that gave us a little extra room to work with and I’d like to get my own breakfast, but she said she did not like the in-room coffee. I would rather go out to a less-expensive coffee shop and order what I choose to eat, but I’m locked into her preferences. She once suggested I should stay with her brother when I travel to another city in order to save money. I refused. Oh, did I mention she bought a million-dollar home this year? I’m actively seeking other employment, but for now I’d really appreciate some advice.”
1:55 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah from a reader in Seattle: “My wife and I have a long history as professionals in our local health care community. I have mentored many younger professionals in my field, most of whom are women. Several have become dear friends to us, yet there have been several occasions when I’ve met these friends/colleagues for lunch and we’ve been approached by women who know me but not the person I’m dining with. These women seem to go out of their way to make statements like, ‘Oh hello, where’s your wife today?’ accompanied by a contemptuous ‘gotcha!’ expression. Some even look at me with disdain for my lunch companion. I find this behavior stupid and mean-spirited and I feel acutely for my companions in these situations who are subjected to an undeserved character assassination. My wife tells me that these women are simply projecting their insecurities. What do you think?”
55:27 – Ask Stacy / Ask Jah. Psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, author of How to Be a Grown-Up, offers smart advice to readers with relationship problems in USA Today. This is the first in an occasional series. She believes in consideration, comfort and compromise. “Dear Stacy, Six months ago I started an e-mail flirtation with a former boyfriend. We dated in high school but now he lives in a different town. My husband’s a musician and works a lot. I was lonely. My husband found my computer open and read my chain of e-mails. He was devastated. I felt really bad. The e-mails weren’t sexual, just flirty, and I’ve apologized and ended the contact. I don’t even have the guy’s contact information anymore. My husband just keeps being mad. I keep saying I’m sorry and I wouldn’t have done it if you were home more. I love my husband and I want my marriage. My friends say time will heal it all. Do you agree? Is there anything I can do?”
26:13 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. Traditional writes: “My wife and I are having a conversation about how our children, ages 6 and 4, should address adults. I maintain that our children should call adults by their last name, and my wife contends that they should call adults by the name they want to be called. I think it is confusing to young children and that parents should have the say and not someone else. I’m hoping you can settle this between me and her.”
27:08 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. “This past weekend I attended a large cocktail party with a group of new friends. Some of the other guests were smoking marijuana and doing other illegal drugs. I recognized one of the drug users as an elementary teacher at my daughter’s school. Because this school is large, I doubt the teacher recognized me. My daughter is not in her class. When I asked my friends about what was going on, they informed me that not only was this teacher a heavy drug user, but also the supplier for the group. I would not want this person as my daughter’s teacher. I feel as if I should tell the school to do a random drug test, but with this economy I do not wish to facilitate anyone losing their job. What should I do?”
34:07 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. From Soccer Mom: “My 9-year-old daughter is on a soccer team that has had the same coach for the last three years. She’s great, she’s supportive, she’s not too hard on the kids. All the parents love her. The coach’s mother – she’s a different story. She’s loud, she’s mean, she’s inappropriate. I’ve heard her taunt a referee, yell insults across the field to opposite coaches and parents, and scream at girls on our team to play a certain way – even though we have an explicit no-coaching-from-the-sidelines rule. Is an anonymous note to the mother or the coach appropriate?”
27:19 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. “I decided not to change my name when I got married recently. I find it ridiculous that I am expected to jump through bureaucratic hoops to jump through bureaucratic hoops to change my name and identity. My husband, thank goodness, loves my independent streak, so it hasn’t been an issue between us at all. I realize this position is not mainstream. I explained that my decision was made on my career and not wanting to damage the brand that I have created around my name. After a decade, I have a small niche industry and it’s too cumbersome to have to go through all that now. Much to my surprise, all the men in my office – I work basically only with men – are doing everything possible to sabotage our decision. They introduce me in meetings with my new name and even went to the point of getting IT to change my e-mail address and sending it out to all of our contacts as my updated contact information. As I was changing my e-mail address back to my maiden name, I even got a lecture from the IT guy who informed me he would never marry someone like me. Despite this, my officemates continue to address all my correspondents and introduce me to new clients and my new employees using my husband’s name. I have informed them multiple times that I am not changing my name but they are concerned it’s insulting my husband. What do I do?”
38:53 – March 2012 Playboy magazine – The Playboy Advisor. T.H. from St. Louis, Mo., writes in: “My girlfriend of many years passed away six months ago. I have many explicit photos of her and they still turn me on. It is morally, emotionally or ethically wrong to masturbate to them?” Jah says it’s wrong morally, but not emotionally or ethically.
44:47 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “I’m dating a wonderful man who also happens to be a wonderful father of four great kids. The children are all younger than 10. I get along great with them. The issue is that he gets the children every single weekend so I can choose to entertain four kids and eat at Chuck-E-Cheese every weekend or be a ‘weekend widow’ and hang out all by myself. My boyfriend refuses to look into hiring a sitter or even asking his ex for a weekend off. Am I being unreasonable by thinking this is an issue that could be grounds for us parting ways?”
31:46 – A concerned mom Asked Amy: “My sweet, sweet 11-year-old son has started to hit puberty. He confessed to me in a fit of tears that when I left him at home with an older sister while I went to the store he went ‘crazy.’ He told me he drank a can of soda (restricted at our house) and then he Googled pictures of naked girls on the internet. He said he didn’t know why he did it; it was like some other person was just inside him, controlling him, he couldn’t stop. He’d been living with it for three days – crying, worrying, not sleeping. So afraid I’d find out. He had to tell me. Part of me was horrified. I was so sad. But then part of me thinks about what I’d read about boys going through puberty, that jolts of testosterone are like mainline drugs. They leave a boy with no impulse control. I wonder if I should have been worried. Should I be more worried? We agreed on a punishment, and I was calm in expressing my disappointment. My goal is to keep him coming to me if he needs to confide in me in the future. What should I have done?”
24:02 – J.P. from San Francisco, Calif., writes into the Playboy Advisor: “For the past few years I’ve been having erections in public at completely inappropriate times, usually when I see a woman dressed in a revealing way. This makes it difficult to walk. I’m afraid people will think I’m a pervert. I haven’t had sex in a year but I’ve tried masturbating more and it doesn’t help. Should I see a doctor?”
51:38 – Dear Amy: “Our daughter’s getting married this fall and an issue has come up regarding inviting her ex-boyfriend. They had a tough breakup several years ago. She was devastated and now they don’t speak. She was adamant that she doesn’t want to invite him. My wife and I are very, very close friends with his parents. We have been for many years. In fact, for many years prior to our daughter ever dating her son. We fear if we do not invite him it will end the friendship with his parents that we have. This has placed us in an awkward spot. We love our daughter but we were hoping she could put the breakup behind her and extend the invitation. How do we resolve this?”
3:40 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “My wife and I are attending a wedding next weekend. We are friends with the bride and groom, but not best friends. We received an e-mail stating that we and another married couple have been ‘signed up’ for the clean-up committee. The bride is catering her own wedding and using a rental kitchen. She just sent us an email saying she had assigned us to move tables and chairs, take out garbage and sweep the floor after the reception has ended. The part that really gets me is where she gave us reasons for asking us to do this task: ‘You are very responsible. You’re both part of a long-term committed relationship, so I won’t be preventing any inebriated wedding stranger hookups, and I trust you to wrangle others to help. You’re kind of bossy, I like that.’ She also said, ‘Feel free to decline this assignment with no hard feelings. Just let me know.’ How does one respond to this email. Also, have you ever heard of a bride doing such a thing? I’m unsure of how to respond.”
22:03 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “My fiancée and I live together. Her family members, who live out of town, call her almost every day. They never have anything new to say, and they almost always stress her out. I have told them to try and limit their phone calls to once every 4 or 5 days, but the calls then went back up from once a day to four a day to five a day, plus text messaging when she doesn’t answer the phone. This is stressing her out so much that one time we had to call the paramedics because she was complaining about chest pains after her family had called three times in a row. Sometimes they leave voicemails saying ‘call me,’ ‘call me.’ They don’t wait for her to call back; they just keep calling over and over, every day. What do I do?”
]]>9:50 – National Academy of Sciences Institute of Medicine conducted a study that finds that due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting, over 7,000 people are killed every year and 1.5 million are injured due to unclear abbreviations in dosage indications on prescription pads
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
33:09 – University of Texas study reports that college students drink larger amounts of alcohol on football gamedays
25:01 – UCLA has just finished a study and concluded that teenage drivers are often distracted while driving a car filled with teens
5:52 – Cornell University study concludes that more college students take courses that are considered to be easier or will be easier to get a very good grade in
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
6:48 – Johns Hopkins University researchers claim that rise in personal listening devices will cause 1 in 3 adults to suffer in recognizable degree in hearing loss. Could have a future generation of deaf people. Jah remembers everyone saying that about Walkmans when we were kids, and thinks that the physics of in-ear headphones allow people to listen to lower volumes, so this isn’t necessarily going to pan out
37:22 – Harvard researchers claim that eating even a half-serving a day of soy-based foods could significantly lower a man’s sperm count. Jah says he can attest to the change in male ejaculate when one has turned vegan. He claims it gets much thinner and also doesn’t taste as bleachy. Seth wants to know how he attests to the second. Jah: “None of your biz dude.” Seth: “None of your jizz.”
56:25 – Researchers have studied the data, ratings and top lists of the hotornot.com website. They found that all men, no matter where they are rated in the scheme, believe they have a chance with the most highly rated attractive women on the site
5:49 – New study finds that the average automobile contains almost 400 kinds of different bacteria. Turning on the car’s heat will incubate and send potent fungi and germs around the automobile
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
15:39 – A study will be presented next week at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting, that when performing CPR, the perfect rhythm is 100 compressions per minute – or the 1970s hit “Stayin’ Alive” by the Beegees, which is 103 bpm
23:55 – A study in the Journal of Fish Biology has scientists confirming the second case of a virgin birth in a shark. DNA testing showed there was no genetic material from a male nor any male sharks at the aquarium
27:50 – Researchers at Rutgers University did a study on freshmen college girls. The “Freshman 15” is a myth – it’s actually the “Freshman 7”
23:23 – A study published in the Journal of Science said that people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. People holding a cup of iced coffee had the complete opposite effect.
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them through their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
40:52 – Scientists have concluded that due to the overwhelming presence of chemicals in our environment, the male gender is in danger. Research has shown that chemicals have feminized males in every class of vertebrate animals from fish to people – baby boys born to women exposed to common household chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminized genitals. More than 1,000 new gender-bender chemicals have been introduced to the world in recent years
41:28 – A new study says that romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about relationships and ultimately make it harder to find a mate and leave people less satisfied with their love life
16:59 – The January issue of Pediatrics will contain an article from the Johns Hopkins School of Health that says teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as teens who don’t promise abstinence. They are also more likely to engage in riskier sex (anal) and less likely to use birth control
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
50:01 – Researchers at Wake Forest University have authored a report in Chest – the Journal of American College of Chest Physicians. The report says that parents of children under age 2 should not use Vicks Vapor Rub on their sniffling, coughing, sick children. Use of the product on kids that young was found to increase mucus production and inflammation. Studies found no health benefits for people of any age
17:11 – A new study by psychologists at the University of Michigan says that living in urban environments impairs our basic mental processes. The brain is a limited machine and the overwhelming incessant stimuli of the city exhausts the brain and puts a strain on memory, concentration and calmness
1:49 – A new research study shows that women have more nightmares than men and men dream about sex more than women
21:52 – According to research by a team at University of Pittsburgh and Harvard medical schools, the more time teenagers spend in front of the television, the more likely they will be depressed as adults
23:54 – The February issue of Archives of Pediatrics in Adolescent Medicine say teens who go out with friends are more likely to use marijuana than teens who have fewer friends
56:43 – The Center for Disease Control has issued a study on teen smokers – 52% prefer Marlboros, while 21% prefer Newports. However, 75% of black teens prefer Newports and 13% prefer Camels.
31:36 – According to the Pew Research Center, a cross-section of Americans were polled, asking them if they would rather live in a neighborhood with more McDonald’s or more Starbucks. 43% said more McDonald’s, 35% said more Starbucks and 22% didn’t have a preference.
7:15 – A new study says that people who drink more than 7 cups of coffee a day are more likely to see ghosts. Jah thinks he might drink the equivalency of that each day, and he’s maybe seen a few ghosts.
29:26 – According to market research group Experion, 43% of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss. 38% are using hair styling products. 12% use adult cosmetics.
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
19:23 – Four new studies in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggest that watching TV can drive away feelings of loneliness and rejection. Just thinking about a favorite TV program bufferered subjects against drops in self esteem. A viewer’s fictional bond with the TV characters can help ease the need to connect with real people. When Seth watches COPS he gets that way. Jah thinks he maybe felt that way about The Wonder Years.
27:44 – A study presented at the annual meeting of experimental biology last week in New Orleans done by researchers at Baylor College of Medicine took 108 students ages 13-16. They gave half the students sugar-free gum to chew, and the other half no gum. The students who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math scores. They also seemed to require fewer breaks, could sustain attention longer and remained quieter. The study was sponsored and paid for by the Wrigley Science Institute.
49:02 – A telephone survey conducted by the Opinion Research Group had a breakdown of responses to the question, “If your house were burning down, and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?” 50% said photo album, 20% said money, 13% said laptops, 7% said pets, 2% said jewelry. Jah thinks the answers are bogus and wants the Wrigley Science Institute to redo the survey.
40:42 – The National Institute of Health have given $400,000 in taxpayer money in the form of a grant to the New York Psychiatric Institute, who are to conduct a 2-year study in which researchers will pose as homosexuals and cruise six popular gay bars in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. They hope their findings will be applicable to the United States.
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thia Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
4:39 – Hot new research straight out of Harvard shows that drunk teens have more sex than sober teens.
36:24 – According to new social research that has come out, the overall size of your social network stays about the same, but when it comes to close friends you lose about half and replace them with new friends every seven years. The title of this study was “Where Friends Are Made: Context, Contacts and Consequences.”
23:10 – A recent MTV/Associated Press survey says that 42% of college students feel down, depressed or hopeless.
29:39 – At the SUNY Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., researchers have figured out how to delete rodent memories. SUNY researchers initially teach the rats to negotiate a chamber that shocks their feet if they choose the right path. Then, after the rats have learned the right path to take, their brains are injected with a drug called Zip. The chemical neutralizes the PKMZeta, a molecule that plays a crucial but not wholly understood role in memory retention. Once injected, the rats quickly forget their hard-earned knowledge regarding safe routes through the chamber. Every step they take offers a potential shock.
42:30 – Zagat polled 6,100 people in a new survey of their favorite, best fast food. Best Burger went to In-N-Out (only has stores in California, Nevada, Utah and Arizona). Best Fries went to McDonald’s. Best Coffee went to 1) Starbucks, 2) Dunkin’ Donuts, 3) Peet’s and 4) McDonald’s. Best Pasta went to The Olive Garden. Best Steak went to Outback Steakhouse.
1:08 – The annual survey of frequent flyers by SeatGuru.com found that U.S. airlines American, United and U.S. Airways have served the worst in-flight food, had the most uncomfortable seats and the rudest flight attendants.
4:14 – The National Institute of Health will spend $423,000 investigating why young heterosexual men don’t like to use condoms. It will be a two-year, two-phase study involving a Q&A and labwork. It will be led by researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute.
2:14 – A study was done in 1995 where women who were not on the pill were asked to sniff men’s shirts. The women preferred the scent of a man who had different genes than their own. This relates to the HLA (Human Leukocyte Antigens) – on a biological level, couples with different HLAs stand to inherit a greater variety of potential immune responses and will therefore be more resistant to diseases, so their kids get the benefits of that.
10:35 – According to a study in the latest issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, there is much more consensus among men about who and whom they find attractive then there is among women. More than 4,000 subjects ranged from 18 to 70 years old rates photographs of 18- to 25-year-old men and women, and in rating them, men had a much narrower vision of attractiveness than the women did.
13:30 – According to new findings from the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission (NPREC), American prisoners report that more rapes are committed by guards than by other prisoners.
39:51 – According to a survey by the non-profit advocacy group Common Sense Media, about 40% of high school students surveyed said they’ve used cell phones to cheat in school at least once. Also, around 38% said they’ve copied text directly from the web and turned it in as their own work. Other forms of cheating that today’s high school students are using include storing notes on your cell phone, using camera phones to take pictures of tests and sending them to other classmates’ friends, etc. … Seth researched some other ones, including writing on a stretched-out rubber band, writing on the nutritional label of a 20-ounce Pepsi and girls folding answers within pleated skirts … Roughly 25% of students said this was not cheating at all; it was completely ethical.
3:46 – According to a new study, women will spend almost one year of their lives deciding what to wear. Between choosing outfits for work, nights out, dates, holidays, parties, the gym, errands, etc., the average woman will spend close to 365 days of their adult life (16-60) engaged in this act.
3:18 – A team of global health researchers at the UC-San Diego School of Medicine found that male clients of female sex workers in Tijuana had a higher percentage of unprotected sex and a higher percentage of meth use than other men in their 20s and 30s
50:56 – According to a study done by researchers at the University of Minnesota and published in the Journal of Psychological Science, although we are told to count our blessings, it might be more useful to count your money. Researchers asked a group of participants to count out 80 $100 bills, while another group counted out 80 useless pieces of paper. The group that counted the actual money had lower social distressed when they were excluded from a group computer game. They felt less pain when holding their fingers in hot water and also rated themselves as feeling “strong. Much stronger than the paper-counting group.”
12:42 – Research that has been published in the July issue of the Journal of Developmental Psychology suggests that babies can understands dogs. When shown a picture of two different dogs, one with an aggressive stance and one with a friendly stance, the babies showed no real interest in either. Then a two-second sound clip of the dogs barking accompanied the two photos (one friendly and one aggressive). The six-month babies would look in the direction of the correct photo when they heard the corresponding audio clip of the bark.
32:22 - The National Institute of Health has given $3 million to the University of Illinois-Chicago Nursing School to do a five-year study investigating why American lesbians drink alcohol.
13:49 – According to U.S. Pharmacology and Health Care Consultancy Group, 50% of American doctors admit to using Wikipedia to get medical information.
34:46 – Evolutionary psychologists have come to the conclusion that women are getting more attractive while men at best are staying the same because there’s less pressure on men concerning their looks. Regardless of the attractiveness of men, they have the same amount of children. In contrast, these new, more beautiful women, have more children than their plainer counterparts. Also, there’s a higher proportion of their children being female. In turn, those girls grow up even more attractive and repeat the cycle. … Jah agrees with all of this, and says that American men are worse than any other country.
1:03:56 – A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine says that red wine will increase a woman’s sexual desire.
30:36 – Two researchers have released a study in the Archives of General Psychiatry concerning the number of Americans taking antidepressants. In 1995, there were 13 million people on them. In 2005, the number has increased to 27 million. It is a $10 billion-per-year industry.
43:57 – The American Psychological Association has released a 138-page report that says programs that attempt to change gays to straight absolutely have not worked. Exodus International, which has over 250 ministries that they say reach out to men and women affected by “unwanted same-sex attraction” claims they have thousands of converts that claim otherwise. Jah thinks they teach you to lie better at those clinics.
58:39 – A social researcher who has studied lying for the last 25 years says that when people meet each other for the first time, they will lie 3 times in the first 10 minutes.
27:51 – The National Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, has published a study in the September issue of Pediatrics highlighting the huge increase of injuries suffered by American schoolchildren in the nation’s gym/P.E. (Episode 002, 29:02; Episode 008, 37:00; Episode 041, 43:24; Episode 082, 10:54) classes. In the last 10 years, we have seen a 150% increase, with up to 62,000 kids being injured each year. They believe the cause is a lack of adult supervision, larger class sizes, decline in school nurses and lack of physical education teachers. U.S. hospitals report seeing deep cuts, bruises, broken bones and heat stroke. Jah’s theory is that all of these kids are wicked out of shape and can’t do anything physical without breaking or injuring something.
39:47 – According to results of a study published in the Journal of Human Nature, men are not as picky as women when it comes to choosing a partner for a one-night stand. 900 college students were asked to judge pics of the opposite sex as slightly unattractive, moderately attractive and definitely attractive – then were asked to rate the chances of going out on a date, going to the person’s apartment and going to bed with them on a scale of 0-100 – 0 being Definitely Not or 100 being Definitely Yes. Regardless of the person’s looks, men were way more likely to accept all three. As for sex, 4% of women said yes while 50% of the men did. … Jah explains that men can flip the “boner switch” much easier than women can.
21:13 – The Center for Disease Control has released updated figures concerning the average age of a woman when she has her first child. In 1970, the average age was 21. In 2006, the average age was 25. The lowest age average was found in Arkansas in 1970, which was 20 years old. The lowest age average in 2006 was Mississippi (22).
52:20 – According to the Journal of Psychological Science, insults are taken better while lying down rather than sitting upright. Brain activity is more prevalent during this time while the subject heard slurs.
37:03 – New study says the average man spends up to 43 minutes of his day looking at at least 10 different women for longer than he should.
52:12 – A study was released to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology concerning the mindset of of people when on alcohol. They took 60 ungrads, gave 30 of them vodka tonics and gave 30 of them plain vodka with lime. The people that were drinking alcohol tended to ignore reality and would have grandiose ideas when high on alcohol of what they could and would do for a variety of things. The next morning after they sobered up a little bit, their plans from the previous night were all but forgotten. They called it “alcohol myopia.”
1:04:41 – A new study in Journal Science says that nitris oxide, a.k.a “laughing gas” or “wah-wah” to Jah, is the biggest man-made destroyer of earth’s ozone layer, making up about 40% of the depleting emissions.
5:23 – A new study in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology says that men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain functions compared to men that performed after spending time with a woman they did not find attractive. Researchers says that men use up excess cognitive resources in trying to impress the woman. The same study had absolutely zero effect on women.
36:34 – The most overused words and phrases, according to research conducted by finance staffing firm Accountemps, who surveyed over 150 senior executives from the nation’s largest companies, and they cited these 10 problem words and phrases: 10) leverage, 9) reach out, 8) it is what it is, 7) viral, 6) game changer, 5) disconnect, 4) value-add, 3) circle back, 2) interface and 1) cutting edge. Seth mocks each one of these in a jackass voice.
25:47 – A Cornell University gerontologist has conducted numerous studies and has found an alarming increase in elderly-on-elderly violence, certainly in nursing homes. It’s due to the fact that older people lose their inhibitions anyway and tensions are flaring and it’s on. 58:10 – A new study to be published in the Journal of Alcoholism, Clinical and Experimental Research says that the age at which a person takes a first drink may influence genes linked to alcoholism, making the youngest drinkers more apt to problems.
56:46 – According to Psychology Today, there were 50 books written in the year 2000 on the subject of happiness. In the year 2008, book stores carry 4,000 new books on the subject.
6:09 – A recent study in the journal, Addiction, suggests that people who abstain from alcohol are at a significantly higher risk of both depression and anxiety disorders.
13:30 – 36% of women surveyed in Chicago said they would give up sex for a year rather than give up their cell phone.
52:39 – The Annals of Improbable Research and Science Humor magazine handed out at their 19th annual IG Nobel prizes, that honor the real science “that first makes people laugh and then makes them think.” Dr. Donald L. Unger, 83, a Thousand Oaks allergist, won this year’s medicine award. It’s inspired by children’s warnings he’d gotten from his mother that his habits of cracking his knuckles would lead to arthritis. He spent 70 years cracking his knuckles on his left hand twice a day and has never cracked the knuckles on his right hand. There is not the slightest sign of arthritis in either hand. Seth and Jah recall that both their mothers told them that old wives’ tale. Seth says he hasn’t used a Q-Tip once since they talked about the negative effects of them (Episode 131, 8:53; Episode 137, 4:52; Episode 138, 31:47).
12:15 – According to JD Power and Associates, they’ve managed to cull around 475,000 online conversations via Facebook, Blogger, LiveJournal and Myspace with the hopes of findout what brands early careerists (22-29-year-olds) are talking about. In quick service restaurants, the #1 and #2 most-talked about chains are 1) Arby’s and 2) Cold Stone Creamery. Jah then references Cold Stone Forearms (Episode 072, 30:21; Episode 169, 53:06).
8:39 – Researchers at Stanford and UC-Santa Cruz have found that coin flips are not a 50-50 chance, but that they favor the side facing up between 51-60% of the time.
18:27 – The October journal of Nervous and Mental Disease claims that just 15 minutes of total sensory deprivation can bring on full-scale hallucinations in sane adults. The lack of sensory patterns forces a natural tendency to superimpose our own sight and sound from our brain’s resources.
30:46 – Scientists published a paper in the annals of Internal Medicine where they took the econic cookbook The Joy of Cooking and compared 18 recipes which have appeared in each edition from the book’s inception in 1931 up until the 2006 copy, and found that some recipes in the 2006 edition had calorie counts on average of 384 per serving today compared to 268 in the 1930s. Jah says people are fat. He can’t go into a 7-11 without staring at a beverage container and not be able to consume any of them. Seth thinks he should consider Myoplex.
2:33 – Researchers have done a study claiming that cleanliness fosters morality. They took two rooms, one scented with fresh citrus, the other unscented. During this day-long study, the subjects were given $12 and told it came from their anonymous partner who was in another room. The partner trusted them to divide it up fairly but it was up to them. In the scented rooms, the people on average kept $6.67 for themselves and gave the anonymous partner $5.33. In the unscented room, the people kept $9.19 and only gave $2.81 on average. Another experiment featured the subject of Habitat for Humanity, and the subjects were asked if they might want to give money. In the scented rooms, 22% said they would donate, and in the unscented rooms, 6% said they would donate.
19:37 – New research just published in an online science journal documents sexual behavior never before seen in any non-human adult animal species. Female Chinese fruit bats regularly engage in oral sex with their male fruit bat partners.
39:28 – A recent study was presented at the Society for Neurosciences annual meeting. They gave one set of rats healthy food and they gave the other set of rats unlimited amounts of junk food that included cheesecake and bacon. After a while the obese junk food rats were sleeping all day and loving it and eating it nonstop, while the others were completely healthy. They realized using the brain scan imagery that it’s the same as with heroin addicts. To show the power of that, they let the healthy rats eat the junk food, but once they gave them the junk food, they shocked them electronically. The healthy rats realized they didn’t want it that bad and went back to the health food, while the junk food rats just laid there eating it and wouldn’t stop no matter how many times they were shocked.
29:16 – Published by the Science Journal Biology letters, another very rare sexual theme – this time involving insects. Female fiddler crabs will have sex with their male neighbors in exchange for protection against other wandering male intruders. Male crabs have been observed defending female crabs in exchange for sex, protecting them in their burrows.
30:12 – Jah corrects his sexual observations of the animal kingdom from last week (Episode 190, 19:37), because oral sex has been observed in many other species but only in adolescent versions of the animal. The fruit bats are doing it as adults.
31:03 – According to a study published in the Journal of Mammalogy, black bears in Yosemite have developed a taste for minivans more than any other car model. Research has shown that minivans made up 29% of the 908 vehicles bears broke into for food between the years 2001 and 2007. It only made up 7% of the cars that visited the park. Jah thinks he knows why – because fatty slobs drive minivans and keep open packaging so their cars smell like old Doritos all the time.
45:52 – Two neuroscientists at the Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix began collaborating with magicians to study peoples’ brains while watching magic. They put headgear on the test subject to track his brainwaves and brought a magician in to do sleight of hand. The graph showed how the magician manipulated where you look and what your brain thinks you’re seeing. The subject was always constantly looking in the wrong place.
32:58 – A sudden diagnosis of cancer can be a very difficult strain on a married couple. According to new research, when a wife gets news of a possible life-threatening diagnosis, her husband is six times more likely to leave her than if the tables were turned and the man received the bad news – 3% to 21%
39:35 – Researched published in the Journal of Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research confirms long-held belief that alcoholics – even those who have long abstained – have a tendency to misread emotional cues. Sometimes taking offense when none was intended, or failing to pick up on a loved one’s sadness, joy or anger. The misunderstandings can result in more drinking, and then more deterioration of all close relationships. It raises the question, “Did alcoholism blunt emotional insensitivity, or did emotional insensitivity lead to the alcoholism?”
3:17 – A new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that lonliness is contagious. People with a negative lonely vibe can spread that vibe merely by coming into contact with other people.
7:04 – Researchers from the University of Minnesota surveyed more than 20,000 kids and found that 15% of U.S. teens expect to die young. This leads to increased drug use, suicide attempts and sexually risky behavior. Seth didn’t think he’d die young, but now he’s going to die mad old.
37:54 – A group of scientists set out to do a study on the effects of pornography. They wanted to compare men who regularly watch XXX movies with men who didn’t. Unfortunately for them, they could not find a single man in his 20s who had not been regularly exposed to it.
22:19 – According to perplexing new research from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, women of all ages, across all ethnic groups and economic strata, including single/married/family or not, all women have experienced a steady erosion in happiness since the 1970s. Jah attributes this to men.
30:28 – Research has shown most parents put off the “birds and bees” talk with their kids for as long as possible. A new study in the journal Pediatrics showed that most adolescents had some kind of sexual encounter before their parents got around to discussing it with them.
45:56 – According to data released by the U.S. Census Bureau, Americans sent 2.1 billion texts in December of 2003. By December of 2007, that figured jumped to 48 billion. In December of 2008, that number jumped to 110 billion.
50:00 – A recent survey about where people text found that 13 percent of Americans admitted to texting while in a house of worship.
7:12 – According to a recent study in the Journal Science, the Centers for Disease Control say that people in sunny states are the happiest.
26:03 – According to Contraception magazine, couples who use the “pull-out” method get their partners pregnant 4% of the time, which is about the same rate as those that use condoms.
9:40 – New research in the January 2010 issue of the journal Microbiology says that new lab studies confirm a bacterium called “Pseudomonas aeruginosa” can adapt adapt and beat both disinfectants and the superdrug Cipro.
13:03 – In a study talking about the happiest states, Florida, “The Sunshine State,” was called the happiest.
55:56 – Researchers report in the January issue of the journal Sleep that adolescents who reported sleeping 5 or fewer hours per night were 71% more likely to be depressed and 48% more likely to have thoughts of committing suicide, compared to young people reporting 8 hours of sleep nighly.
57:18 – A survey of college cafeterias is finding that turkey, meatloaf and pho are topping the national list of favorite dishes. In the Midwest, carved roast beef and macaroni and cheese are very popular. In the southwest, fish tacos are popular. In the mid-atlantic, chicken pot pies are big.
55:48 – According to the nonprofit group The Conference Board, just 45% of Americans are happy at their jobs. In 1987, when the group first began collecting this data, the number was 61%. Just 56% of Americans like their coworkers as opposed to 68% in 1987.
40:27 – A Study done by the Bureau of Justice Statistics says that 3 out of every 25 juveniles who are in U.S. Correctional Facilities have experienced at least 1 incident of sexual victimization. Six centers had rates of 3 out of every 10.
41:57 – The 2010 issue of The Statistical Abstract was just published. It comes out annually by the Census Bureau and gives the country hard data numbers including sex. Among U.S. men 15-44 years of age, the median number of lifetime sexual partners is 5.4. Among women, the median number of lifetime sexual partners is 3.3. Jah says he would be hard-pressed to think of any man he knows who has not forced their way into double digits.
53:13 – New research in circulation in the Journal of the American Heart Association suggests that each hour a day spent watching television was linked to an 18% greater risk of dying from cardiovascular disease, an 11% greater risk in all kinds of death and a 9% increased in death from cancer. If you watch more than 4 hours a day, it puts the number at 80% for cardiovascular and 46% for all kinds of death. Jah says this is a little bit out of context because most people doing this are fat fucks who don’t do anything.
58:23 – According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, between the years 1992 and 2008, the percentage of sexual harassment charges filed by men being harassed by other men doubled from 8% to 16%.
2:24 – A new study says that the United States’ overall internet speed did not qualify for a spot in the top 10 list of countries with the fastest internet in the world, and our average overall decreased by 2.4% from 2008 to 2009. The top 2 are 1) South Korea and 2) Japan.
14:47 – New research in the Journal of Epidemiology: Community Health suggests walking away or letting things pass may be an unhealthy way to deal with unfair treatment on the job. Men who reported using such covert strategies were more than twice as likely to have heart attacks or die from heart disease.
40:10 – Band-Aid studies were conducted in which 65 medical students had Band-Aids placed on their upper arms, ankles and hands. Volunteers then did either a quick yank or a slow peel. The subjects then ranked their pain level. Fast clearly hurt less. That’s what Jah always tells the ladies.
0:58 – According to a new Pew Research Center study, in 2007, 22% of husbands had wives who made more money than they did, compared to just 4% in 1970. However, according to the Center for American Progress, a Washington-based thinktank, in 2008, women earned 77 cents for every $1 a man made.
51:18 – Psychological scientists Emily Balcetis from New York University and David Dunning from Cornell University conducted a set of studies to see how our desires affect perception. In the first experiment, particpants had to estimate how far a water bottle was from where they were sitting. Half of the volunteers were allowed to drink water before the experiment while the others ate salty pretzels, thus becoming very thirsty. The results showed that the thirsty volunteers estimated the water as being closer to them than the volunteers who drank water earlier. Our desires for certain objects may also result in behavioral changes. In a separate experiment, volunteers tossed a bean bag toward a bean bag toward a gift card worth either $25 or $0 on the floor, winning the card if the bean bag landed on it. Interestingly, the volunteers threw the bean bag much farther if the gift card was worth $0 than if it was worth $25. That is, they underthrew the bean bag when attempting to win a $25 gift card because they viewed that gift card as being closer to them. These findings indicate that when we want something we actually view it as being physically close to us. The authors suggest that these biases arise in order to encourage perceivers to engage in behaviors leading to the acquisition of the object. In other words, when we see a goal as being close to us, literally within our reach, it motivates us to keep going successfully to attain it.
34:37 – According to a new study, a woman’s biological clock is ticking faster than we previously thought. By the time a woman hits 30, nearly all of her ovarian eggs (90%) are gone for good. They lose 97% of them by the age of 40.
39:46 – According to the Pew Research Center, 67% of Americans say 2010 will be a better year than 2009.
43:12 – A Consumer Reports new study tested 208 new bagged salads found in supermarkets. They concluded that 39% of them contained too high a level of fecal bacteria.
3:12 – Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign directed 36 test subjects – half using cell phones and half using iPods – to walk on a treadmill in an environment that simulated a busy city street. They published their findings in the Accident Analysis and Prevention Journal that cell phone users were much more distracted; they crossed the street much more slowly and didn’t look around nearly as much as the subjects who used iPods.
5:23 – According to Pew Research Firm, the 10 most religious states in the USA are: 10) Kentucky, 9) Georgia, 8) Texas, 7) Oklahoma, 6) South Carolina, 5) Tennessee, 4) Louisiana, 3) Arkansas, 2)Alabama and 1) Mississippi.
14:28 – According to a recent survey by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, 7% of Americans attend religious services in someone’s home. “House church,” it’s called, is a response to mega-churches that allows for a closer connection to Jesus.
37:50 – A team of ornithologists have determined that the Salt Marsh Sparrow – a bird living in the marshes of Connecticut – is the world’s most promiscuous bird, with extreme levels of multiple mating.
4:33 – Number of text messages sent and received by the average American teen every month according to the Nielsen company – 2,272, or almost 80 texts a day.
12:32 – A new national survey published in the journal Pediatrics says the number of children with food allergies is increasing. It now encompasses 4% of all US kids. Research suggests this isn’t just parents hearing or reading about food allergies on the news or on the internet and thinking their children have them – it’s that they actually have them. Reasons are unclear but a prominent theory is the hygiene hypothesis – based on the notion that today’s children are less exposed to germs and other disease-causing substances than previous generations and it prevents their immune systems from strengthening, which forces it to overreact to harmless substances. Marcia agrees with this – everyone is so germophobic that they don’t have a chance to build up an immunity to anything.
25:00 – Researchers at the University of Kentucky have developed a chewing gum that they hope will help replace toothpaste and a toothbrush by using an antimicrobial named KSL – which is an anti-adhesive and abrasive agent that disrupts and helps dissolve plaque. Known as the Military Gum Project because it was designed to help soldiers in the field battle trenchmouth, they hope it will also help children in poor countries. Marcia said she’d use that herself.
3:21 – According to a new survey from Career Builder, 67% of employees say they see no need anymore to hide their office relationships – up from 54% five years ago.
4:43 – According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, people’s online social networking site profiles actually do reflect and represent their true selves. They tend to be an efficient medium for expressing real personality and those people are kept honest by their friends – and the fact they’re there as well.
11:29 – Researchers at the Salk Institute in La Joya, Calif., have taken out the unhealthy liver of a lab mouse and replaced it with a liver that is 95% human
32:51 – An article in Newsweek talks about how dating sites can still be racist because people can specifically exclude an entire race in their profile and it’s totally normal. According to a study by sociologists at the University of California at Irvine, they studied Yahoo! dating profiles and discovered that 93% of white women with racial preferences excluded Asian males. White men with racial preferences included Asians and excluded blacks. They think the choices are influenced because the media portrayals of Asian woman as being hypersexual is what had them included and black women being bossy had them excluded.
38:58 – The American Academy of Pediatrics has released a policy statement that hot dogs, due to their choking hazards, should be “redesigned.” The hot dog shape lends itself to choking.
1:40 – A new study in the Journal of Obesity finds that little kids who are looked after by grandparents part-time showed a 15% higher risk of being overweight compared to children being taken care of full-time by their parents. Children who were looked after full-time by their grandparents showed a 34% greater risk of obesity.
24:15 – According to a recent survey, 70% of HR directors questioned said that they have not hired a worker because of something they found on one of their social networking sites.
43:35 – According to researchers at the University of New Hampshire, the average U.S. kid sees his first pornographic image at age 11. 90% of children between ages 8-16 have now viewed pornography.
48:46 – According to a survey commissioned by the National Telecommunications and Information Adminstration, almost one-third of U.S. citizens do not have the internet. The most common reasons cited for not having the internet was that 1) It was too expensive (26%); 2) They do not feel as through it was needed (38%)
1:00:25 – According to new research conducted at the Kinsey Sex Institute at Indiana University, when people say they “had sex,” what really transpired is anyone’s guess. Male and female participants aged 18-96 were questioned. 5% of respondents do not consider penile vaginal intercourse as having sex. 11% say it’s not sex if there’s no ejaculation. 50% of men in the oldest age group (65 and up) do not consider anal intercourse as sex. 33% of women from the oldest age group agree that anal sex does not count as sex.
8:19 – Two recent studies have been published concerning women. One claims that women who drink alcohol don’t seem to gain as much weight in mid-life as those who abstain. Also, women who took the birth control beginning in 1968 lived longer than those never on the pill. The women generally took the pill for around four years.
9:40 – According to internet data from Hitwise, of all web traffic last week, Facebook accounted for 7.07% of all web activity – for the first time beating Google, at 7.03%.
33:44 – A study published in the journal Sex Roles says that men who harass women are actually harming their entire gender. Researchers asked 114 female undergraduate students to watch a video where a man made a sexist remark to a woman or simply greeted her. In the video of the sexist comment, the women reported feelings of anxiety, depression, fear and anger and disappointment in men in general.
54:29 – According to a study published by Bayer Healthcare, 1,000 women between the ages of 20-40 were asked how soon they slept with their new boyfriends. 39% of the women said they slept with a new boyfriend by the third date, 73% within the first month, 11% admitted they slept with them on the first date and 13% said they waited three months.
50:08 – Researchers at Wayne State University looked at photos of 230 baseball players who began their professional careers before 1950. They were separated into three categories after looking at their photos from their baseball registries: big smile, no smile and partial smile. The study, published in the journal Psychological Science. found that the players with no smile lived to be 73 years old on average. The players with partial smiles lived to be 75 years old, and the players with big smiles lived to be 80 years old.
3:33 – The National Sleep Foundation, a Washington-based nonprofit that promotes sleep health, released its annual “Sleep in America” poll. It for the first time examined how ethnic groups differ in their sleep habits. The poll was of 1,000 Americans aged 25-60 who were asked to identify themselves as white, black, Hispanic or Asian. It was meant to examine how cultural differences push the psychological boundaries for how much sleep we need. The percentage of ethnicities that use the internet in the hour before bed every night or almost every night: Blacks - 20%; Hispanics – 20%, Whites – 22%, Asians – 51%. … Use sleep medication at least a few nights a week: Whites – 13%, Hispanics – 8%, Blacks – 9%, Asians – 5% … Rarely or never have a good night’s sleep: Blacks – 15%, Hispanics – 14%, Whites – 20%, Asians – 9% … Have sex every night or almost every night: Blacks – 10%, Hispanics – 10%, Whites – 4%, Asians – 1% … Usually sleep with a pet: Whites – 14%, Asians – 2%, Hispanics – 2%, Blacks – 2%. Jah thinks the polling demographic is skewed because they probably only polled about 3 black 25-year-olds. He also knows some Asians who get mad laid.
14:53 – A study published in the journal Cortex suggests that old people might be happier than young people because older adults remember the past through what they call “rose-tinted glasses.” They recorded brain activity using MRI scans while both young and old adults viewed pictures with positive and negative themes. The older brains showed a much stronger connection in the emotion-processing regions of the brain, known to be important in the formation of memories.
46:08 – After several years of studies, a paper was just published by researchers who said veterinarians are four times as likely as an average citizen to commit suicide. Seth thinks this is entirely believable. Jah and Seth disagree on the fact that they are doctors.
53:41 – A study published in the proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says that atrazine, a commonly used weed killer, can turn male frogs into female frogs and it is one of the chief suspects in the decline of amphibians across the world.
1:03:02 – According to a study on PsychologyToday.com, looking at sick people can boost your immune system. In the study, called “The Psychological Immune System,” young adults were asked to watch 10-minute slide shows containing pictures of people who looked ill in some way or control pictures of people brandishing guns. The subjects’ blood samples were then tested for levels of Interleukin 6, which is produced by the immune system and indicates reupping to fight infections.
11:38 – Research just released in the Archives of Dermatology says that as many as 1 in 3 people who use indoor tanning facilities may be addicted. Knowing all of the dangers, these people are having parts of their brain triggered by the ultraviolet light that is similar to those of a drug addict with drugs. Combined with the warmth and relaxation tanning gives you, it’s also deadly.
36:52 – Dr. Elizabeth Brooks, a biological science professor at Jefferson Medical College in Philadelphia, conducted a much-quoted two-year study on public makeup testers when she was with Rowan University in New Jersey about five years ago. She says, “We went to department stores, specialty stores, drug stores. Everywhere.” Her researchers found staph, strep, and even e coli bacteria in the makeup testers. Her other quote: “Whenever you see e coli, you should just think, e coli equals feces.” She says that when they tested the makeup on Saturdays, the days when most traffic at cosmetic counters is up, the percentage of tainted makeup was 100%. You can also get herpes and pink eye from it, and the FDA has confirmed the research.
52:35 – A 1992 survey of 5,000 U.S. librarians was withheld by a now-defunct journal, but the man who did the study has now published them on his website. The study said 1 in 5 of the librarians had engaged in some kind of sexual act in the library they worked at in between the stacks. 51% of the librarians were willing to pose nude for money. 61% had rented an X-rated film. 22% of the librarians believed condom dispensers in the bathroom would be a good idea.
54:33 – The journal Biology has a study involving children with a rare genetic disorder called Williams Syndrome in which the kids are “hypersocial.” They lack the normal social anxieties such as jitters, nervousness or inhibitions that seem to affect all kids including them, and in turn they show no racial biases. However they do show pronounced gender biases and gender stereotyping.
1:00:59 – According to the Pew Internet in American Life Project, an average American teen girl sends 80 texts per day and 87% of teens sleep with or next to their cell phones so that they can answer their phones or text during their sleep.
8:58 – According to Edison Research, who have done annual reports on Twitter since its inception, black people represent 12% of the general population but 25% of all Twitter users. The median age for black Americans is 30 and the median age for white Americans is 37. Twitter is most popular among 25-34-year-olds.
53:53 – According to a survey by consumer electronics shipping and review site called “Retrevo,” 10% of people under 25 years old think it’s perfectly OK to text while having sex.
57:04 – A new study in the journal Sleep finds an unequivable link between the chances of a premature death if you get less than six hours of sleep a night.
40:02 – According to a national poll by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, people in their 20s, or “The Odyssey Years,” 86% of unmarried people are sexually active during that time. Of all the people polled, 24% of respondents believe that wearing two condoms provides double protection against accidental pregnancy.
55:06 – Researchers at the University of Kansas hospital did a 14-month study and found patients gave their doctor significantly higher marks for satisfaction when he/she sat with them rather than stood. They also thought the doctors spent more time with then when they sat even when they spent less time. Current hospital rooms are not designed for a doctor who wants to sit with the patient. Sometimes the doctor had to improvise by sitting on a windowsill or at the foot of the bed or by grabbing a chair or removing clothes/flowers from a chair in order to make a place to sit down.
38:23 – An article on slate.com talks about a psychologist named Milton Rokeach. He worked at a state mental hospital in Ypsilanti, Mich. In 1959 he took three schizophrenic dudes who all believed they were Jesus Christ and had them live together to see what would happen. He wanted to study identity. He invented messages and imaginary characters and put them in all of their lives. They all stayed there until they died. He wrote a book in 1964 called The Three Christs of Ypsilanti.
32:52 – Researchers from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research presented the findings of a study they did in Boston at the Annual Meeting of the Association for Psychological Science. It shows that American college students are not as empathetic than people their age were 20 or 30 years ago. They attribute this to a marked increase in exposure to media and a heavy reliance on the new norms of social media sites. Jah believes this but he also believes that college students will be more empathetic than we are now in 20 or 30 years. He says it’s an anomaly because of the college kids right now and the age they were at when they were exposed and the reactions it caused them. Jah says it will be the exact same as it was for our parents telling us about when they didn’t have the television. Jah’s mom went to the movies to watch the news. She saw a banana for the first time at 5 years old and still hates the flavor of artificial banana because it was around so much when she was younger.
38:49 – Consumer Reports did a study revealing that Myoplex and Muscle Milk contain extremely dangerously elevated levels of arsenic, cadmium and mercury. Seth was living on this shit and now he’s done.
54:40 – A study published in the journal of the American Medical Association found that 14% of fathers in the U.S. experience some form of depression during their partner’s pregnancy. Prenatal depression comes around the first trimester and postnatal can last for the baby’s first year of life.
49:15 – According to a study in Newsweek, the percentage of internet users who have entered their own name into a search engine is 57% (Episode 114, 7:00).
32:19 – A paper published in the journal Science claims that tiny meteorites found in ultra-pure Antarctic snow – which contain the building blocks of life – may have come from within our own solar system rather than the far reaches of space.
34:05 – New research published in the Applied Research and Quality of Life Journal suggests that people’s happiness levels after a vacation very dramatically and quickly go away once they return from vacation, go back to work and resume the normal day-to-day stresses of their lives. The research showed people got the biggest boost in the time before their vacation – up to 2 months of positive mood increase and anticipation of the upcoming vacation.
39:42 – According to a new Gallup Poll, an average American – someone making less than $90,000 a year – will spend on average, $59 per day.
42:01 – According to a poll in ESPN: The Magazine, 100 Major League Baseball players were surveyed, and they voted Jim Joyce – the ump who cost a Tigers’ pitcher a perfect game – the best umpire in baseball. C.B. Bucknor was voted the worst. In 2003, Sports Illustrated surveyed 500 players, and C.B. Bucknor was picked the worst. In 2006, SI did a 3-year update and Bucknor was still the worst.
45:35 – Good Housekeeping tested 3D glasses for movie theaters. They tested 7 pairs – both wrapped and unwrapped. They found a bunch of germs including staph, sepsis, food poisoning germs, pneumonia, etc.
9:47 – A new poll from the Pew Research Center at the Smithsonian Magazine found that 41% of Americans polled said that they believe Jesus Christ will return within the next 40 years. Seth thinks if he’s not back by the end of this show he won’t be back within the next 40 years.
11:55 – According to recent reports from the U.S. Department of Agriculture called “Expenditures on Children by Families,” the total cost for a middle income family’s parents to raise a child from birth to 18 years old is, on average, $220,360. Jonathan wonders how much his parents spent on him if that was the average, then erupts in laughter and declares his love for mom and dad.
59:26 – A two-year study by True Car – a Santa Monica-based auto pricing information company – that looked into more than 13 million U.S. vehicle registrations found that Volkswagen’s Beetle was the car most likely to be purchased by a woman. Jah knew at least one guy who owned the new Beetle.
2:04 – New data released from Partnership for a Drug Free America shows that U.S. teen girls are drinking more alcohol than U.S. teen boys
53:48 – According to a statistic published in the July issue of Playboy 15 years ago, the average bra size in America was a 34B. Today it’s a 36C.
7:00 – A study in the proceedings in the National Academy of Sciences reports a group of scientists who took several mice and set up a fight club-style tournament of UFC-style cagefighting. They found clear evidence of “the winner effect” in which a mouse that has just won a fight maintains elevated levels of testosterone and aggression and is therefore more likely to win his next bout. The winner effect was strongest in mice that were fighting in their own cages, thus the home-field advantage.
32:29 – David Freeman wrote a book called “Wrong: Why Experts Keep Failing Us and How to Know When Not To Trust Them.” He claims that as much as 90% of a physician’s medical knowledge has been found to be substantially or completely wrong. Jah says that this sounds about right.
1:01:33 – Clemson University food scientist Paul Dawson has concluded after intensive food experiments that the 5-second rule concerning dropped food is totally bogus and we should be urging a 0-second rule immediately.
12:49 – In the latest issue of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, they’ve done a study at a boarding school in Rhode Island that has teens starting school 30 minutes later – at 8:30 a.m. instead of 8 a.m. This has led to more alertness in class, better moods, less tardiness and even healthier breakfasts. Schools in Minneapolis and Iowa have also had similar results.
28:48 – Lab tests commissioned by a nonprofit group formed to protect human health and and the environment called the EWG found high levels of the endocrine-disrupting chemical BPA on 40% of receipts received from major U.S. businesses and services – including McDonald’s, KFC, Whole Foods, CVS, Safeway, the USPS and Wal-Mart. BPA is a plastic hardener and a synthetic estrogen that has been linked by scientists to a very long list of health problems.
58:03 – A study just released by researchers at UCLA says that 1 in 5 Californians say they need some sort of mental healthcare. They say around 1 million Californians meet the criteria for “serious psychological distress.”
35:44 – According to a just-released poll, the number of cyberchondriacs (hypochondriacs that regularly go online for their health information) has leaped from 22% in 2009 to 32% this year.
48:57 – According to numbers from the Stalking Resource Center, 3.4 million people over the age of 18 are stocked in the U.S. each year.
20:18 – A new paper just released in the journal Pediatrics suggests that the average age of breast development – marking the onset of puberty in females – is continuing to fall. Twenty-five percent of African American girls, 15% of Latina girls and 10.4% of White/Caucasian girls are starting their breast development at 7 years old.
1:02:03 – State fair goers wait in long lines at state fairs for deep-fried craziness, but will they donate their children’s fingernails, blood droplets for free ride tickets and a string backpack. Genetic researchers at the University of Minnesota hope that the answer is yes. During the first week of the fair, researchers will invite 500 children and their parents to answer health questions, agree to height, weight and blood pressure measurements and provide DNA samples through saliva, blood droplets or fingernail clippings. The ultimate goal of the “gopher kids” is to study and map the genetic makeup of normal healthy children and thereby identify the genetic defects that predict chronic diseases and health problems.
12:12 – According to Newsweek, 30% of American couples who dated from 2007-2009 met online.
21:29 – Women whose saliva has high levels of alpha amylase – a marker of stress – are 12% more likely to get pregnant than women who have low levels of it.
25:29 – There was another study done with a genetically modified apple that created its own pesticide. It was a regular version of the apple, the genetically modified apple and the regular apple sprayed with the insecticide that the genetically modified one now produced on its own. Out of the three, the only one that actually developed problems in the animal was the genetically modified one.
31:56 – A study by the American Psychiatric Association found that in 1997, 11% of college students took some form of psychiatric medication. Last year the number was 24%.
51:04 – A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association said that 20% of teens have some sort of hearing loss at this point.
5:37 – There is a study from the Pew Research Center’s Internet and American Life Project that says 43% of teenagers chat on their phones while driving. Meanwhile, 61% of adults do. Seth then mentions that Heidi Montag’s plastic surgeon was killed while texting while driving.
13:02 – A new paper in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, says that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers. Seth thanks them for that study and decides to go die 12 years earlier than everyone else who’s having a party.
5:11 – Psychiatric researchers in Los Angeles have reported data on 12 patients in a pilot study dealing with the ramifications of receiving a diagnosis of terminal cancer. Twelve test subjects ranged from age 36-58. They all had advanced stages of cancer and were given psilocybin “magic mushrooms.” Studies show they have been proven instrumental in improving mood, reducing anxiety and lessening depression. The researchers say it has also aided the patient’s interpersonal functioning for as long as six months after – allowing them to spend their last days with much more peace.
11:13 – According to a recent Marist poll, two-thirds of Americans believe in the concept of “soul mates” – two people who are destined to be together.
46:48 – The Justice Department has released a study that says that more than 4 percent of prison inmates have reported being a victim of sexual assault by another inmate or staff member.
53:35 – Married people share a lot of similar personality traits, studies show. But is that because their personalities blend over time, or did they have similar personality traits at the beginning. A new study suggests, quite convincingly, that people tend to choose their future spouses based on similar personalities. Researchers at Michingan State University analyzed data from 1,296 married couples – one of the largest studies of its kind. The couples who had been married an average of 19.8 years took personality assessment tests. The scientists examined whether personality traits of couples were more similar the longer the couple had been married. The study showed that couples did not become more alike the longer they had become married. The one personality trait that seemed to be an exception to this overall conclusion was aggression. The longer the couple had been married, the closer their scores on an aggression scale. It is possible that individuals might reinforce one another’s aggressive tendencies due to hostile, interpersonal exchanges, the authors wrote in the study, which was published in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences.
14:01 – Pew Research analysis of data from the Census Bureau shows that the number of U.S. children being raised primarily by their grandparents rose sharply to 2.9 million.
21:50 – A new study says that the annual household income needed to make Americans happy is $75,000. Jah completely agrees. Earnings above that have no further effect on contentment whatsoever.
14:33 – A new survey was conducted to gauge America’s acceptance of gay couples. It found that 30% felt that pets would count as family but that gay couples would not count as family. Jah doesn’t understand this. Of all the people he deals with on a regular basis, gays are so low on the list of people who bother him. Seth thinks gays expedite the process during the course of a day.
17:53 – An article in Scientific American by a research psychologist forecasted adult sexual orientation in a child. It cited some studies.
46:46 – A recent observational study showed that 93% of U.S. women wash their hands in public restrooms. For men it was 77%.
20:20 – A study that will appear in the 2011 issue of Journal of Consumer Psychology presented 934 participants with various foods – spanning from vice foods to cheeseburgers and cheesecake to virtue foods like salads. When volunteers were shown a bowl of chili with cheese, the average estimate of the total calories that were in it were 699 calories. When volunteers were shown the same chili and cheese with a small salad on the side, the average estimate of total calories was 656.
23:48 – A study done by insurance.com compiled the U.S. cities with the most DUIs reported from insurance companies. The top 5 cities for drunk driving are: 5) Columbus, Ohio; 4) Phoenix, Ariz.; 3) Charlotte, N.C.; 2) San Jose, Calif.; and 1) San Diego, Calif.
30:10 – A survey of 700 teens for State Farm Insurance found that teenagers think that texting while driving is not as dangerous as driving drunk. 55% of them believe they could be killed if they drink and drive, while only 36% feel the same way about texting. Jah admits that he texts a lot while driving. He wonders if this is violating his probation in North Carolina.
36:15 – A study in Psychological Science reported that women apologize more frequently than men in a given day (“That’s because they fuck up more,” says Jah). A second study looked at social situations that would warrant an apology and they found that women consistenly rated these petty offenses as way more severe than men did.
48:31 – A new study shows that female managers in the United States make 81 cents for every $1 that their male counterparts make.
51:52 – Researchers at UCLA have begun a study of people suffering from MdDS (Mal de Debarquement syndrome), or disembarkment syndrome. It is a rare condition that occurs usually after a cruise. It is marked by a constant swaying sensation, dizziness, headaches, cognitive impairment, a constant feeling of intense seasickness. The symptoms can last for three months to three years.
8:21 – A study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior found a surge in traffic on internet porn sites by men who live in states that helped elect the president. In both 2004 and 2008 elections, porn searches jumped significantly in the night and following week that the state voted for the winner.
36:22 – A new study concerning volunteers who participate in clinical trials and medical research studies that involve x-rays, CT scans or MRIs is showing that 40% of the study volunteers learned about a potential health problem that was completely unrelated to the purpose of the study.
38:02 – Among the oft-repeated predictions of Albert Einstein’s famous theory of relativity is that if a twin travels through the cosmos on a high-speed rocket, when he returns to earth he will be noticeably younger than the twin who stays home. Now physicists have demonstrated that the same is true even if the traveling twin is merely driving in a car at about 20 miles an hour. However, if you ever go anywhere separately over the speed of 20 mph, in that case if the twin gets home from the grocery store, he is only a tiny fraction of a nanosecond younger. According to a report in Friday’s edition of the journal Science, the reverse is often said to be true for a twin who spends time high on a mountaintop. General relativity predicts that time passes more quickly at higher altitudes because objects do not feel earth’s gravity quite as strongly. The physicist found that if a twin who lives just about a foot above sea level will age ever so slightly faster than a twin living at sea level.
32:20 – Every year the Journal of Improbable Research gives out awards as a whimsical counterpart to the Nobel Peace Prize, which will be awarded this week. The 2010 Ig Nobel Prize were awarded at a ceremony at Harvard. A team of Chinese researchers led by Min Tang of Guangdong Entomological Institute and including Gareth Jones of Britain’s University of Bristol, won a Biology Ig Nobel for scientifically documenting oral sex between fruit bats (Episode 190, 19:37).
40:07 – A study that was funded by Trojan Condoms came out in the Journal of Sexual Medicine about “Americans experimenting and expanding sexually – doing and trying just about anything.” 64% of women reported achieving orgasm in their most recent sexual event. 85% of men reported that their female partner orgasmed in their most recent sexual event.
1:07:58 – The US Center for Disesase Control conducted a study on alcohol drinking and found that among high school students who drink, 60% say they binge drink – 4 or more drinks for women and 5 or more drinks for men over the period of a few hours. Jah says this just means that 60% drink and the rest are just pussies.
32:09 – A study published in the current issue of Psychology of Addictive Behaviors found that U.S. students who go abroad to study while in college will increase – if not double – their alcohol intake while they’re away in a foreign country. Also, when they return to the states, their drinking keeps up at the rate that it was overseas.
1:02:24 – New research from the University of Florida found that women who weighed 25 pounds less than the group norm earned about $16,000 more dollars per year. Thinner men, on the other hand, made almost $9,000 less than the norm.
1:04:14 – A study in the Journal of Consumer Psychology studied the “going home” effect – the feeling that getting to your destination takes longer than getting back home from your destination. This study had test subjects who went somewhere with unfamiliar surroundings. They overestimated the time it took for them to get there and they underestimated the time it took to return. The one reason is that landmarks around home are familiar enough to make us feel that the trip is already over even though we haven’t actually arrived there yet.
18:47 – A study has come out about teen birth rates for girls ages 15-19. The averages are for every 1,000 teenage girls in Germany, 10 babies. It’s 13 babies for every 1,000 girls in Canada. In Mississippi, the number is 65 babies for every 1,000 girls.
56:19 – Newsweek reported a new survey that found that 39% of Americans aged 9-17 said that the information they find online is always correct.
1:00:14 – In the journal Neural Networks, a team of psychologists took 64 infants aged 18 months, put them in a lab, filled it with toys, put the kids in individually and let them play with the toys. There was a screen in the room and they would remove the screen, and behind it was a robot. The kids would peep it for a second, and then they brought in adults to come in as test subjects. Half of the adults would talk to the robots, and the other half of the adults totally ignored the robot. They would leave the room, and the kids would play with it again. The robot would turn its head and stare at a toy or object, and if the adults were talking to the robot the babies would go to that toy, but if the adults avoided the robot, the babies would ignore the toys the robot was staring at.
1:10:29 – A listener left a message for Seth and informed him of a study that Seth might be interested in called “Feeling the Future” in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology conducted by Daryl Bem from Cornell University. Seth couldn’t read it because it was a non-edited draft but he highlighted a couple things in it about ESP: “Physiological indicators of participants’ emotional arousal are monitored as they view a series of pictures on a computer screen. Most of the pictures are emotionally neutral, but, on randomly selected trials, a highly arousing negative or erotic image is displayed. As expected, strong emotional arousal occurs when these images appear on the screen, but the remarkable finding is that the increased arousal is observed to occur a few seconds before the picture appears – before the computer has even selected it.” One-hundred Cornell students were shown 48 common nouns and given 3 seconds to observe and visualize that noun in their heads. Then they were asked to type out as many words as they could remember. After that, a computer re-displayed half of those words. It turns out that the students more likely recalled the words that they were later asked to retype.
49:28 – A study presented at the Infectious Disease Society of America Annual Meeting discussed the scientist that was investigating an outbreak of illness among a colony of titi monkeys at the California National Primate Research Center in Davis, Calif. Of the 55 monkeys housed at the center, a never-before-detected strain of a highly contagious virus infected 23 of the monkeys, 19 of which died. The virus also appears to have “jumped” from the monkeys to infect the female scientist. The scientist was able to recover in about four weeks.
24:57 – There was a study published in the journal Neurology that says 25% of test subjects in a sleep study carry a particular genetic mutation known as DBQ*0602. People that don’t have it tend to sleep better and can get by on less sleep.
55:36 – Michael Skinner is a molecular biologist at Washington State University: “We just published a paper last month confirming epigenetic changes in sperm which are carried forward transgenerationally. This confirms that these changes can be become permanently programmed.” Basically this means that the life experiences of grandparents and even great-grandparents alter their eggs and sperm so indelibly that the change is passed on to their children, grandchildren and beyond. It’s called transgenerational epigenetic inheritance – the phenomenon in which something in the environment alters the health not only of the individual exposed to it but also to the individual’s descendents.
7:47 – AAA did a study and released the results examining driving while drowsy. 41% of drivers admitted they have fallen asleep at the wheel. 45% of drivers said that at one point in the last month they’ve driven while struggling to stay awake.
33:08 – A growing group of scientists are claiming that schizophrenia is not a psychological disease but is actually a virus that is intwined in every person’s DNA. It lies dormant, then just pops out.
17:56 – A study that was published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior looked at 1,000 young unmarried adults in Florida. They found that young men there experience more emotional distress when their romantic relationships are going badly than young women. The sociologist who led the study said, “Men come off as more vulnerable to these issues in their romantic relationships, possibly because culturally and socially they are less prepared for them.”
55:02 – A paper published in the journal Science reported on the discovery of “non-coding” DNA, or “Zombie DNA,” which can exist in the human body and just suddenly come back to life and cause an array of serious health problems.
12:29 – There was a study by Quality Planning – a San Francisco firm that verifies policyholder information for auto insurers – and they found that the 5 vehicles that garner the most traffic tickets from law enforcement: 5) Scion XB, 4) Hummer H2/H3, 3) Scion TC, 2) Toyota Solara coupe, and 1) Mercedes Benz SL Class convertible.
32:48 – Recently, a team of researchers at Columbia and Harvard wondered not whether power can manifest itself in posture, but whether certain postures could make people feel more commanding. More powerful people – i.e., those who make more money and have higher-status jobs – reliably show higher levels of testosterone, no matter their gender, and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, than people lower on the totem pole. The researchers reasoned that if you put low-power people in high-power postures, their hormones might respond accordingly. To see if the researchers were right, the author went to a Columbia lab, sat down in his typical slouch and spat into a little tube. Columbia assistant professor Dana Carney gave him a piece of gum to help, then put him in the hawk-in-feet on the desk power postures. Fifteen minutes later he spat into another tube. Carney sent both spit samples to a lab at Penn State. When the results came back a couple of weeks later, it turned out his testosterone had doubled in the short amount of time he spent in the power posture. His response was not unusual. In the most recent issue of Psychological Science, Carney and her colleagues – Andy Yap at Columbia and Amy Cudi at Harvard – published a paper evaluating the responses of 42 people who underwent a test similar to the one he took. They found that cortisol and testosterone levels significantly changed for most people after they had been placed in a high-power posture. Conversely, testosterone levels fell significantly in participants who were put in lower-power positions – those who had to either sit with shoulders slumped or stand with ankles crossed and arms hugging their torso. All the participants were subsequently given $2 and told they could keep the money or possibly double it in a gambling exercise. Nearly all the people who had been placed in high-power poses opted to double-down. They were more likely to risk losing the money than the low-power people and also reported feeling more powerful.
50:34 – A survey released by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration found that 1 in every 5 American adults experienced some form of mental illness in 2009 – that comes to about 45 million people. Of those, fewer than 4 in 10 received any sort of treatment for it.
29:34 – A journal PLS-1 reported on a version of dopamine receptor gene called DRD-4 that lies in a person’s DNA and may lay dormant and make people more prone to infidelity and one-night stands.
23:45 – Office holiday parties are upon us, and a workplace staffing firm says that 79% of companies plan to serve alcohol this year – up from 73% in 2009. Alcohol service hit a high in the year 2000, when 90% of the company parties served booze. Some tips from various HR departments about said holiday parties: Don’t be a wallflower, Don’t get too drunk, Don’t challenge management, Don’t tell racy jokes, Don’t divulge personal confessions or feelings.
43:00 – Dunkin’ Donuts teamed up with a noted neurologist to do an experiment with 500 people called The Psychology of Snacking: How do You Eat a Gingerbread Man? 64% of the 500 people ate the head first. That means they are aggressive, they are leaders and they don’t take ‘No’ for an answer. 20% ate the legs first – they are the sensitive type; while 16% ate the arms first. If you eat the right arm first, you are skeptical and/or pessimistic, and if you ate the left arm first, you are extroverted with a flair for creativity.
57:36 – Low levels of mercury in the diet of male white ibises cause the birds to mate with each other rather than with the females. As a result, the females can’t breed and fewer chicks are produced. It is the first time that a pollutant has been found to change an animal’s sexual preference. Many chemicals can “feminize” males or reduce fertility, but males affected in these ways still prefer females. Mercury is extremely toxic, particularly in the form of methyl mercury, which reduces breeding in wild birds by disrupting their parenting behaviors. To find out if it also affected mating, Peter Frederick of the University of Florida in Gainesville and Nilmini Jayasena of the University of Peradeniya in Sri Lanka captured 160 white ibises from South Florida. They gave them food laced with methyl mercury and monitored them closely. The birds were split into four groups. One group ate food with 0.3 parts per million methyl mercury – which most U.S. states would regard as “too high” for human consumption. A second group got 0.1 PPM and another group got .045 PPM – a low dose that wild birds would be exposed to frequently. A fourth group received none. All four dosed groups had significantly more homosexual males than the control group. Male-male pairs courted, built nests together and paired off for several weeks. Higher doses increased the effect with 55% of the males in the 0.3 PPM group affected. Male-male matings were responsible for 81% of unproductive nests in the dosed groups.
35:21 – A study led by researchers at Harvard University to be presented in an upcoming issue of the journal Cognition showed that the ability to recognize faces peaks at the ages of 30-34.
15:43 – Sen. Tom Coburn also included in his Waste Book report some new funding from the National Institute of Health. The NIH spent $823,000 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised men in South Africa how to wash their genitals after having sex.
33:14 – Contrary to the explosion of teen mom magazine covers, the teen birth rate in the country is actually the lowest it has been in 70 years.
47:57 – A study published in the journal Pediatrics says that nearly 1 million kids in the U.S. live in an area with no pediatricians. Mississippi leads the country with 42% of children without doctors.
55:22 – Researchers have found MRI evidence of chronosthesia, or mental time travel – the brain’s ability to be aware of the past, present and future and also have the ability to travel in subjective time. The theoretical idea of it has been there for some time, but evidence within the brain shows reactions to subjectively traveling back and forth in time within our brains.
57:45 – New research has conclusively proven that beauty sleep is no myth. Twenty-three subjects ages 18-31 were photographed between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. on two occations – once after getting eight hours of sleep and once after being up for 31 hours and only getting 5 hours of sleep. The photos were taken in a brightly-lit room in the same distance to the camera – all of the photos the same with no makeup. Sixty-five observers rated the photos for attractiveness and found that the sleep-deprived people looked like shit and were unhealthy.
4:33 – A fleeting thought about a handful of M&Ms; might be enough to derail your diet, but imagining yourself eating the candy-covered chocolates in painstaking detail could make you want them less. Obsessing about a particular food in a particular way appeared to dampen its appeal in an unusual study that demonstrates that merely thinking about food without actually seeing, touching, smelling or tasting it can actually help sate hunger through a process called “habituation.” It’s an experiment described in Friday’s edition of the journal Science. Researchers asked volunteers to devote about one minute and a half to methodically imagining chewing and swallowing 30 M&Ms; one after another. Then, when presented with a bowl of actual M&Ms;, those volunteers ate about half as many candies as volunteers who imagined eating only 3 M&Ms; – or none at all.
44:25 – According to papers published in the journal Science titled “The Theory of Mind,” babies as young as seven months old may be able to take into account the thoughts and beliefs of people around them.
1:03:34 – A Stanford psychologist initiated a study when he noticed that some of his friends would become agitated while on Facebook after reading other people’s status updates. “They felt disappointed with their lives when they logged on and browsed the apparent ‘perfect’ lives presented by their peers.” His research found that people are systematically biased in their judgments of peers’ interpersonal lives. We have a tendency to underestimate negative experiences of people around us, in large part because we see people in groups when they are happy – not in their solitary moments when they are sad and irritable and bored and alone.
45:14 – New scientific work published in the journal Cerebral Cortex used cutting-edge MRI and MEG technology and showed that babies just over a year old process words that they hear with the same brain structure as adults. Moreover, they also do it in the same amount of time. Researchers found that babies were not merely processing the words as sounds but were capable of grasping and understanding their meaning.
48:24 – According to research presented at the fall meeting of the American Geophysical Union in San Fransisco, Earth is twice as dusty today as it was in the 1800s.
6:30 – Psychologists at the University of Chicago have discovered a quick and easy way for stressed-out students to avoid choking on a high-stakes test. Take a few minutes right before the exam to write down all those fears. A study published online Thursday by the journal Science found that anxious students, given 10 minutes to put their feelings down on paper, performed significantly better than their peers – who wrote about other topics or did nothing at all. The idea that there are simple steps to improve test scores outside of private tutors, SAT prep courses, etc., are sure to welcome news to students, parents and educators who have long struggled to get their students to perform their best on midterms, finals and college entrance exams. “You don’t have to wield these expensive or time-consuming tools,” said psychology professor Sian L. Beilock, who conducted the study with graduate student Gerardo Ramirez. “Writing about emotional events had been shown to reduce rumination, which is when people devote mental energy to revisiting distressing ideas in the clinically depressed.”
58:53 – A survey of 1,400 women done by Men’s Health magazine says that if a woman feels as if there is chemistry with her date on their first date, then women in their 40s are almost twice as likely to bone down thatn women in their 20s.
1:13:50 – Two papers in the Journal of Sexual Medicine have confirmed a condition documented since 2002 known as POIS – or Post-Orgasmic Illness Syndrome. It makes men allergic to their own semen. After ejaculation, men who suffer from this condition develop mysterious flu-like symptoms, including fever, runny nose, extreme fatigue and burning eyes. Amir sent J-dawg a link about this as well, where they’re doing tests where they prick dude’s fingers and put semen in there and dudes are getting sick and fucked-up from it.
4:15 – A study in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research tested fans leaving ballparks and stadiums after professional baseball and football games. Researchers found that 40% of fans had consumed alcohol during the game. They found 8% leave the game legally drunk. People who tailgated before the game were 14 times more likely to be drunk after the game. People under 35 years old were 9 times more likely to be drunk.
29:58 – Science Daily reports on a study that said men are more than twice as likely to continue dating a girlfriend who has cheated on them with another woman than one who has cheated on them with another man. This is according to new research from the University of Texas at Austin. Women show the opposite pattern. They are more likely to continue dating a man who has had a heterosexual affair than one who has had a homosexual affair. The study, published last month in the journal Personality and Individual Differences , provides new insight into the psychological adaptation behind men’s desire for a variety of partners and women’s desire for a committed partner. These drives have played a key role in the evolution of human mating and human mating psychology. “A robust jealousy mechanism is activated in men and women by different types of queues – those that threaten paternity in men and those that threaten abandonment in women,” said Jaime C. Confer, the study’s lead author and doctoral candidate in evolutionary psychology. She conducted the study with her father, Mark D. Cloud, a psychology professor at Lockhaven University in Pennsylvania.
37:50 – Match.com did a survey of more than 5,000 single adults. They reveal that men are now experiencing some traditionally female attitudes, including falling in love quicker, wanting a more serious relationship sooner than they used to and talking about kids way earlier than they ever have. Women, meanwhile, are adopting some of the traits that have long been attributed to men – wanting to date more than one person, having more independence within an interpersonal relationship and having nights out with the girls.
48:25 – An environmental research group has issued a study that says the chemical retinyl polmitate found in most sunscreens – including Banana Boat, Coppertone, Hawaiian Tropic and Panama Jack – actually accelerates the development of skin tumors when it is applied to bare skin exposed to sunlight.
51:59 – Seth reads from an abstract (a study that’s not a study yet) from The Food Quality and Preference Journal called “The Effect of Background Noise on Food Perception.” … “We investigated the effects of auditory background noise on the perception of gustatory food properties: sugar level, salt level, food crunchiness and food liking. Participants blindly consumed different foods whilst passively listening to either no sound or quiet or loud background white noise. The foods were then rated in terms of sweetness, saltiness and liking; in terms of overall flavor, crunchiness and liking. Reported sweetness and saltiness was significantly lower in the loud compared to the quiet sound conditions, but crunchiness was reported to be more intense. This suggests that food properties unrelated to sound – sweetness and saltiness – and those conveyed via auditory channels – crunchiness – are differentially affected by background noise. A relationship between ratings of the liking of the background noise and ratings of the liking of the food was also found. We conclude that background sound unrelated to food diminishes gustatory food properties (saltiness and sweetness) which is suggestive of a cross-modal contrasting or attentional effect whilst enhancing food crunchiness.”
33:38 – Clorox sponsored an experiment to see whose apartments have more germs – bachelor pads or single ladies’. Bachelor pads have 15 times more germs than single ladies’ apartments. They swabbed night stands, doorknobs, coffee tables, remote controls, etc. Men’s remote controls were 1,000 times dirtier. 7 out of every 10 coffee tables at guys’ places had feces on the table – most likely due to the bottoms of shoes being placed on them.
4:29 – New research published in the journal Psychological Science suggests that the dominance behavior of staring another primate down is an automatic and reflexive mood in humans as well.
47:21 – Human geneticists studying both human and homoerectus genomes have calculated that for a period lasting “around 1 million years” and beginning “around 1.2 million years ago” at a time when our ancestors were spreading throughout Africa, Europe and Asia, there were probably only about 18,500 people living on Planet Earth.
52:19 – USA Today reported on a study where researchers swabbed the handles of 85 shopping carts in 4 different states and found that 72% of them were covered in fecal matter.
55:00 – A report from the Inspector General for Health and Human Services found that more than 90% of nursing homes hired employees with at least one criminal conviction. They looked at 260 nursing homes in all 50 states and found that every single one has someone who’s been convicted of a crime.
44:34 – A new paper in the journal Psychological Science reveals that parents are actually lying when they talk about the joys of parenting. Idealizing the emotional rewards of parenting helps parents rationalize the financial costs of raising children.
48:10 – If marriage is about compromise, then happy marriage is about self-delusion. So found scientists at the University of Buffalo. They followed 222 newlyweds through their first three years together. The ones who went into marriage idealizing their partners ended up happier together than those who went in with clearer eyes. This is attributed to the vast powers of the human heart over the human brain. People can really convince themselves that a spouse is better-looking, smarter, kinder or more virtuous than he/she really is.
4:45 – 90% of Italian men have never used a washing machines and 70% of them have never used a stove.
12:04 – A nonprofit child advocacy group called Zero to Three that studies the development in the first three years of life estimates that about 10 percent of very young children have some kind of clinical emotional condition – about the same rate as the adult population. While some of those ills are indeed unique to babies, a growing body of research shows that many others including post traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder, major depression, insomnia and even prolonged bereavement also afflict young children. Disorders we see in adulthood have antecedents in childhood, says Dr. Robert Emde, an emeritus professor of psychiatry at the University of Colorado School of Medicine.
28:17 – A recent study of college students suggests that their declining emotional condition is a critical situation. Schools have failed to fully address this situation, says the Chicago Tribune. “The results are very discouraging,” says Michael Fleming, one of the study’s lead authors and a professor at Northwestern University’s Fienberg School of Medicine. “I think the stress of academic performance has helped cause an increase in the rate of depression among students. That’s why it’s important to take the opportunity to screen at every visit. If colleges boost their depression screening efforts for all students, it would be the first step towards better emotional help.” Fleming tells the Tribune about 25 percent of all students who visited on-campus health centers were diagnosed as depressed, according to the report.
10:34 – According to a survey by Fidelity Investments, 4 out of 10 wealthy people in the world say that they do not feel rich – and would need to have at least $7.5 million to truly feel wealthy.
30:01 – In a recent survey by Shape and Men’s Fitness magazine, 43% of women said they had been dumped via a text message.
32:06 – A new study is showing that people are growing increasingly doubtful about their ability to finance comfortable retirements. The percentage of workers describing themselves as “not at all comfy” about their retirement went from 22% to 27%.
28:15 – A new study published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics reports that men are more likely to beat their wives in the event of an NFL upset – if their team loses but was supposed to win. From 1996-2004, the researchers looked at domestic violence stats within general fan regions of 6 NFL teams. When the Vegas odds were upset, they found a 10% increase in domestic violence. The increase was limited to the period spanning the final hour of a game to 2 hours after. If the team lost to a “traditional rival,” domestic violence shot up 20%, versus 8% if it was a non-rival. If the team was in playoff contention, or suffered 4 or more sacks or turnovers or lost 80 or more yards to penalties, the number was even worse.
41:37 – A new survey concerning man and woman has drawn some very different conclusions for different people. Women consider themselves past their prime at the age of 29. Men consider themselves past their prime when they are around 58.
55:45 – People who feel no pain due to a particularly rare genetic defect also can’t smell anything. The unexpected discovery shows that nerves that detect pain and odors rely on the same protein to transmit information to the brain. Researchers examined 3 people who have mutations in the SCN-9A gene and cannot feel pain. All of the people had broken multiple bones without feeling any pain and two had given birth painlessly. None were aware of the fact that they couldn’t smell anything. None of the study participants could distinguish balsamic vinegar, orange, mint, coffee or perfume from plain water, even when researchers poured on so much perfume and vinegar that the scents were unbearable to people with normal senses of smell. This was discovered by an international team of researchers who reported this online in the March 23 edition of Nature.
2:46 – A new study in the journal High Altitude Medicine and Biology says that people living at higher altitudes are at great risks for suicide. Researchers looked at suicide data in 2,584 U.S. counties. The average altitude in 50 counties with the highest suicide rate was 4,684 feet. The average altitude in 50 counties with the lowest suicide rate was 582 feet.
14:41 – A new report from Carnegie Mellon University says that child ID theft is much more common than previously though. Identity thieves are specifically targeting children because it takes years and years to be discovered. The study looked at over 40,000 children’s profiles and found that more than 10% had identities tainted in some way. 4,300 kids had records of gun licenses, mortgages, car loans, driver’s licenses, etc. A majority of cases also involved utility service records.
52:25 – Cornell researchers published a study in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary and Cultural Psychology and they asked, “Can people determine who is a criminal by looking at their face?” After years of experience of people looking at photos, the answer is yes.
11:10 – A new study conducted by the Pew Research Group, in collaboration with the Assocation of State Correctional Administrators, called “State of Recidivism: The Revolving Door of America’s Prisons,” found that 4 out of every 10 offenders return to a state-run prison in the U.S. within 3 years of their release.
23:18 – We all know that people who are at opposite ends of the political spectrum often can’t see eye to eye on things. A new report published online in Current Biology reveals that those differences in political orientation are actually tied to differences in the very structures of our brains. Individuals who call themselves “liberal” tend to have larger anterior cingulate cortexes, while those who tend to call themselves “conservatives” have larger amygdalas. Based on what is known about the functions of those two brain regions, the structural differences are consistent with reports showing a greater ability of liberals to cope with conflicting information and a greater ability of conservatives to recognize a threat.
54:09 – Previous studies have documented the overlap in brain activity between emotional and physical pain, but those focus mainly on the regions that layer on feelings about bodily pain. Studies linked purely emotional sources of pain like heartache or grief with the neural networks that register, say, the sting of a burned hand. For a new study, scientists recruited 40 volunteers who were recently and abruptly rejected by their partners. Using functional MRI images, the researchers showed that when the jilted participants looked at pictures of their exes, their brains engaged the same pain circuits that lit up when they were probed with a heat sensor equivalent to a hot cup of coffee. The researchers think the intensity of the subjects’ emotional hurt activated the brain’s sensory pain pathways that are normally tapped only by physical stimuli such as a slap or scorching, searing heat.
3:07 – Doctors researching Alzheimer’s found that the sign of a rare dymentia is the failure or inability for people to detect sarcasm or lies.
51:07 – There was a study that came out that claimed that women’s voices would change throughout their cycle due to hormone levels. New research presented at the Experimental Biology meeting in Washington, D.C., challenges previous studies that there were detectable variations in a woman’s voice at various times over her menstrual cycle and those could be linked to hormone levels. Researchers from West Texas A&M University in Canyon analyzed 175 voice samples from 35 women that were recorded at four times during two cycles: the menstrual phase (estrogen and progesterone levels are low), the follicular phase (estrogen increases but progesterone is low), the ovulatory phase (estrogen is high and progesterone is low) and the luteal phase (both estrogen and progesterone are high). The women were asked to utter the sentence, “Yesterday, did the kindergarten children watch television after breakfast?” It was chosen because it’s a complete sentence, and “it’s voice rich and provides a variety of characteristics.” After measuring eight voice parameters, the study authors found no statistically significant variations in the women’s voices at various times during their cycles
9:22 – Would you want your surgeon to party hardy the night before you went under his scalpel? There are no rules on the amount of alcohol a surgeon may or may not consume on the eve of a day in the operating room. A group of researchers conducted an unusual experiment. The team gathered up 6 surgeons and treated them to a dinner with free-flowing alcohol. Surgeons were asked to drink until they felt intoxicated. The next afternoon, when they were tested on a surgical simulator, they performed worse than they had in a pre-drinking test. At least 5 of the 6 surgeons passed a breathalyzer before the simulations began. The researchers said they were bothered that the surgeons had trouble in their virtual O.R.s despite appearing sober.
19:30 – A new research paper has just been accepted for publication in the Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization. The paper is called “Dark Contrasts: The Paradox of High Rates of Suicide in Happy Places.” It has used newly available random data samples of millions of Americans and it found that the “happiest” U.S. states tend to have the highest suicide rates in the country. The researchers believe the key explanation may be the counterintuitive link between happiness and suicide rates draws on ideas about the way human beings rely on relative comparisons between each other. Discontented people in a happy place may feel particularly harshly treated by life. Those dark contrasts may in turn increase the risk in suicide. If humans are subject to mood swings, the lows of life may thus be most intolerable in an environment in which other humans are happy.
31:06 – A new report in the journal The Clinical Neuropsychologist exposes a growing epidemic of adults exaggerating or even faking ADHD symptoms in order to get prescribed the drug Adderall.
45:08 – Jah reads about the world’s largest experiment in human sexuality. It’s detailed in the new book “A Billion Wicked Thoughts.” Two PhD students analyze the results of over 1 billion anonymous web searches. Their theory was that people don’t bother to lie to their search engine about what it is that they want. Their findings, the most popular erotic search term is “youth,” or “teens.” Men are wired to view women’s anatomy as objects. “It doesn’t take much to trigger male arousal. Breasts, women kissing, photos of a woman’s ass – they all basically do the trick.”
25:06 – New research published in the proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences say that unconscious racial bias shapes the views of people that we trust – especially with our money.
58:22 – Reuters reported that children still too young to walk are finding ways to wriggle out of protective car restraints and are increasing their risk of serious injuries and death, a study shows. Researchers at Yale’s School of Medicine found some children as young as 12 months can unbuckle their seatbelts. A majority of youngsters less than 3 years old can do it, with boys most often being the ones to attempt unhooking their seatbelts. “Young children might acquire the motor skills to unbuckle from restraints before developing the cognitive ability to understand the necessity of automotive restraints,” says Dr. Lelia Reyas, a clinical fellow at Yale and co-author of the report. Researchers said that the findings should prompt a broader study on devices that should keep kids safer, particularly because car crashes are the leading cause of death for children ages 4-8. The findings, which will be presented at the Pediatric Academic Society’s meeting in Denver on Sunday, are based on 500 surveys distributed at pediatric offices in Connecticut. More than 40% of children who are able to unbuckle their restraints are doing so while the car is moving, prompting many parents to pull over, reprimand the child and re-buckle the seatbelts.
46:22 – By quizzing small children about the first events that they remember (a cousin misbehaving, a trip to the grocery store, a mother’s bribe of red and green licorice), researchers have discovered that the earliest memories of children shift as they get older and don’t solidify into our “first memories” carried throughout our life until about the age of 10. The research, published Wednesday in the Journal of Child Development, could help psychologists better understand how people construct the life stories that help us understand ourselves. “These are the memories we use to develop a sense of identity – who we are and where we come from. Ask most adults to conjure up their earliest memories and they usually can’t recall any that occurred before they were school age.” This phenomenon is known as “infantile amnesia” and has been recognized for decades and studied closely in adults.
51:38 – A new study on the link between one’s view of God and the willingness to cheat on a test is the latest example of social scientists wading into the highly charged field of religion and morality. The study, titled “Mean Gods Make Good People – Different Views of God Predict Cheating Behavior,” was peer viewed and published earlier this month in the International Journal for the Psychology of Religion. In line with many previous studies, it found no difference between the ethical behavior of believers and non-believers, but those who believed in a loving, compassionate God were more likely to cheat than those who believed in an angry, punitive God.
5:47 – Gastric bypass surgery doubles the risk of developing alcoholism compared to the LAP-BAND. The researchers found the risk of developing alcoholism among those who had gastric bypass was 2.3 times higher than the group who got LAP-BAND surgery. Dr. John Morton, a bariatric surgeon at Stanford, said the alcohol is partly metabolized by stomach enzymes.
36:26 – An online survey conducted by Harris Interactive and commissioned by Playboy, compiled responses from 2,300 adults and found that 27% of men and 23% of women have either been photographed or filmed nude.
14:19 – A study of 256,370 OK Cupid users has determined that both male and female vegetarians are more prone to enjoy giving oral sex than meat eaters.
20:52 – That anxiety you’re feeling may be in your guts, not your head. The research appears in the online edition of the journal Gastroenterology. Working with healthy adult mice, researchers showed that disrupting the normal bacterial content of the gut with antibiotics produces changes in behavior. The mice became less cautious or anxious. This change was accompanied by an increase in brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which has been linked to depression and anxiety. When oral antibiotics were discontinued, bacteria in the gut returned to normal and this was accompanied by restoration of normal behavior and brain chemistry.
29:24 – It doesn’t take much imagination to guess what a porn video sounds like. It’s more impressive, however, when a computer is doing the guessing. Automatic image analysis systems are already used to catch unwanted pornography before it reaches a computer monitor, but they often struggle to distinguish between indescent imagery and more innocuous pictures with large flesh-colored images such as a person in swimwear or a close-up of a face or medical photos. They’ve started using a signal processing technique called the RADON transform to create spectragrams of a variety of audio clips. Each just a half-second long, they found that speech signals are normally low-pitched, musical clips have a wide range of pitches, both vary only gradually over time. In contrast, pornographic sounds tend to be higher pitched, change quickly, and also periodically repeat. These characteristics allow software to distinguish smutty audio from other content. The researchers used a statistical model to classify sounds as pornographic or non-pornographic according to their spectral characteristics and tested it on audio taken from online videos. The non-sexual audio clips included music, movies, news and sports. The model out-performed other audio-based techniques, correctly identifying 93% of the porn content from the test clips. The clips it missed had confusable sounds such as background music, causing the model to misclassify some lewd clips. Comedy shows with laughter were also sometimes mistaken for pornography as some of the audience’s loud cheers and cries share similar spectral characteristics to sexual sounds.
45:44 – The National Science Foundation released “Under the Microscope,” a report by Tom A. Coburn, medical doctor and U.S. Senator from Oklahoma, exposes waste by the National Science Foundation. There’s a huge list. One example: a $2 million grant given to researchers at Cornell University – “Are people who post pictures on the internet from the same place at the same time often socially connected?” Another was $90,000 to SMU and Texas: “What is the relationship between online virtual world users and their avatars?”
50:18 – A study appeared online in the journal Neuropsychology that says the driving skills of the elderly do deteriorate as they age. Research showed the older drivers consistently forgot to check for blind spots, had diminished reaction times, made poor decisions, acceleration and braking was inappropriate and occasionally mistook the pedals.
53:11 – An online survey of 14,500 people who had come from a religious background discovered that people who had abandoned their churches had improved sex lives. In his survey, “Sex and Secularism,” which he publicized last week, Darrell Ray drew a direct correlation between guilt and sexual behavior. “We find guilt is a pretty big thing,” said Ray, the author of The God Virus: How God Affects Our Lives and Culture. Atheists, he concluded, had the best sex of all. “They can speak with some authority,” he said, “they were raised in very secular homes.” All his respondents were over the age of 18 and of all sexual orientations, had abandoned their churches and had described themselves as agnostic or without religious belief. Once they left a religion, more than 50% saw improvements in their sex lives. 29.6% saw no change, 2.2% said it was worse, according to his survey. Those who had grown up in the most conservative churches, based on their teachings on sex and invocation of guilt, reported the highest satisfaction levels after leaving religion behind. All of the people who were questioned were found to have sex around the same number of times per week. They also became sexually active at similar ages. Those who had been raised Mormon showed the highest rating among those who had sexual guilt, with an average score of 8.19 out of 10. Those who had similar responses were Jehovah’s Witnesses, Pentacostals, Seventh-Day Adventists and Baptists. Catholics rated their guilt at 6.34 and Lutherans came in at 5.88. Atheists and agnostics came in at 4.71 and 4.81. People who had abandoned their beliefs said that their sex lives were “much improved” and rated their new experiences on average at about a 7.1 out of 10.
19:54 – According to Okcupid, statistically speaking, the night you are most likely to get laid is Wednesday night.
52:06 – Half of Americans say they are not prepared for a minor financial emergency. A new study by the National Bureau of Economic Research shows 50% of Americans would struggle to come up with $2,000 in a pinch. Roughly 28% said they certainly would not be able to do it if they had to come up with the money in 30 days.
58:18 – McCann Worldgroup did a study involving 7,000 16- to 30-year-olds called “The Truth About Youth.” They found that 53% of them would give up their sense of smell to stay technologically connected.
33:05 – “Gay Teens Report Risky Behaviors.” The study by the CDC surveyed 156,000 high school students. It was the largest study of its kind ever done by the federal government concerning gay youth. It says that GLBT students are more than likely than heterosexual students to drink alcohol and take drugs. Included in this behavior is carrying guns.
42:19 – Newsweek and The Daily Beast did a poll that finds that Americans are angry about pretty much everything – from President Obama to congressional Republicans to even God, who currently has a 33% approval rating. Unemployment is at 9.1%. Gas and grocery prices are skyrocketing. The housing market is in the dumps and people aren’t happy. Three-quarters of Americans think the country is on the wrong track and 81% say the job market is not where it needs to be. Half of the respondents don’t think Obama has a plan to balance the budget and 58% think Republicans aren’t doing their part to balance the budget either. The poll finds that Americans are being affected by their anger in other parts of their life as well, not just their political views. 56% are so angry they can’t even sleep. 13% say their anxiety has affected their sex life. 26% of married respondents claim the country’s economic problems have affected their marriage, with more than half of those people saying it’s made their marriage worse.
44:20 – Americans are the funniest country in the world. The Germans have been voted the world’s least funny nationality. A global poll from the social networking dating site badoo.com asked 30,000 people from 15 countries what the funniest country was. Third funniest country was Italy. Spanish were second.
6:54 – You can’t believe everything you hear, especially, if you’re polishing off the third refill of your venti coffee. Researchers have just published a study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences suggesting that people on a serious caffeine buzz are prone to hear things that aren’t there. Evidently deciding that an actual Starbucks would be too loud for science, the researchers brought volunteers to a lab. The subjects – some highly caffeinated, some not – put on headphones that pumped out white noise. They were told that Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” would be playing in the background, which was actually just a white lie. Even though Bing wasn’t anywhere around, some of the caffeine-addled listeners claimed that they could hear the song. The researchers concluded that 5 regular cups of coffee could be enough to increase the risk of auditory hearlucinations. The study was small and not well-controlled but the main findings seem plausible.
53:42 – Gladvertising is using emotion recognition software employed to tailor outdoor advertisements to consumers’ moods. The next year or so is going to see a revolution in outdoor advertising, according to a report published in the Center for Future Studies. 3D outdoor advertising will talk to mobile phones and adapt messages to certain situations. It will access social network profiles and then will combine holograms, mood lighting and smells. It will all be out on the streets by 2012. The study is based on a report done with 21 in-depth interviews with the world’s leading technologists, advertising and media businesses. It concluded that gladvertising will be one of the first innovations to arrive in the dawning of this new age of Aquarius.
4:39 – Hotel guests favor cleanliness over anything else. Cleanliness now trumps personal safety, at least from Hotel Guests Perspectives, according to a survey conducted on behalf of the Chubb Group of Insurance Companies. 43% of Americans said cleanliness was a top priority when choosing a hotel, compared to 23% who said price was top and 19% who said location. Only 11% said security was important.
14:44 – You’ve tried counting sheep, drinking warm milk, maybe even taking medications, and you still can’t sleep. Maybe you should try cooling your brain. Sleep researchers say that cooling the brain can reduce the amount of time it takes for people with insomnia to fall asleep and increase the length of time they stay that way. They outfitted 24 people – 12 with insomnia, 12 without – with soft, plastic caps that had tubes for circulating cool water. It tracked how well they slept with and without the caps. Patients with insomnia, who were treated at maximum cooling intensity, took about 13 minutes to fall asleep and stayed asleep for about 89% of the time they were in bed. That is similar to the healthy subjects who didn’t have insomnia, who took 16 minutes to fall asleep and stayed asleep about 89% of the time as well. Researchers said cooling works because it slows the metabolism of the frontal cortex. They presented their findings last week at “Sleep 2011,” the annual meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies.
22:56 – A child dies in a portable pool every 5 days during warm weather months. According to the first U.S. study on child drownings in such pools, a statistic the study’s senior author says demonstrates the need for consumer education and affordable protection devices from kiddie pools. The research being published Monday in the journal Pediatric shows 209 deaths and 35 near drownings of children under the age of 12 from 2001-2009. 94% of them were under the age of 5 and 81% of the accidents happened during the summer.
41:36 – The EPA and spokesman Leonardo DiCaprio claim that through several research studies, beach sand contains e coli bacteria and other contaminants that, if ingested, may cause gastrointestinal illnesses.
1:06:03 – New research by the faculty at Rice University, the University of Texas-San Antonio and the University of Minnesota, find that men’s conspicuous spending is driven by the desire to have uncommitted romantic flings and women can see right through it. The series of studies, “Peacocks, Porches and Thorstein Veblin: Conspicuous Consumption is a Sexual Signaling System,” was conducted with nearly 1,000 test subjects and published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “This research suggests that conspicuous products, such as Porsches, can serve the same function for some men that large and brilliant feathers serve for peacocks,” said Jill Sundie, assistant professor of marketing at UTSA and lead author of the paper. Just as peacocks flaunt their tails before potential mates, men may flaunt flashy products to charm potential dates. Notably, not all men favored this strategy – just those men who were interested in short-term sexual relationships with women. “The studies show that some men are like peacocks. They're the ones driving the bright colored sports car,” said co-author Vladas Griskevicius, assistant professor of marketing at the University of Minnesota. According to the researchers, women found a man who chose to purchase a flashy luxury product (such as a Porsche) more desirable than the same man who purchased a non-luxury item (such as a Honda Civic). However, there was a catch: Although women found the flashy guys more desirable for a date, the man with the Porsche was not preferred as a marriage partner. Women inferred from a man's flashy spending that he was interested in uncommitted sex.
4:24 – A frightening number of drivers may be unfit to drive, according to a new study that is the first of its kind. Researchers from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and two other institutions set out to randomly sample drivers’ sobriety. Authorities stopped thousands of drivers at 300 locations in 48 states. Blood and saliva samples were used to detect the presence of over 75 different drugs. Among daytime drivers, 11% were positive for drug use based on saliva tests, with about half of those cases involving illegal substances. Among nighttime drivers, 14.4% tested positive for drugs, including about 10% for illegal drugs. Alcohol was found more than any other drug, with marijuana coming in second. States that have legalized medical marijuana may have even higher rates of drivers under the influence of the drug. In related analysis, 819 California drivers supplied saliva samples and 8% of them tested positive for marijuana. The next phase of the research will look at the extent to which drug use is related to car crashes. The study was presented last week at a meeting of The College on Problems of Drug Dependence.
11:45 – Enjoying that bag of jalapeño-flavored potato chips? You’re not the only one. A study finds that snacking may constitute one-quarter of our total daily calories. The study, led by Richard Mattes, professor of foods and nutrition at Purdue University, looked at published research on snacking habits through the years and found that eating between meals has been on the rise. According to a presentation made recently at the Institute of Food Technologists annual meeting and food expo in New Orleans, men consumed about 261 calories in snacks a day, on average, from 1977 to 1978. But during 1994 to 1996, average snack calories among men rose to 501. For women it went from 186 to 346. Calories from what we drink rose as well, and the study reported that today, half the calories we consume via snacking come from beverages.
52:19 – Botox has been the reigning unofficial monarch of cosmetic procedures for nearly a decade. Its claim to the beauty throne was rattled last week when it was found that patents by a study in which patients thought another brand of botulinum toxin, the Botox competitor Dysport, smoothed their “crow’s feet” wrinkles a bit better. In a randomized, double-blind face-off funded by the makers of Dysport, patients received injections of Botox on one side of the face and injections of Dysport on the other. The substances were applied to the muscles that close the eyelids. After 30 days, researchers said, two-thirds of the patients said they preferred the Dysport side of their face; one-third chose the Botox side.
1:03:09 – We’ve heard it time and time again – before making decisions of anymagnitude, we should sleep on it. It’s the most rational way to make decisions, right? According to a study reported on Science Daily, sleeping on it makes good scientific sense. The new study from University of Massachusetts Amherst psychologist Rebecca Spencer found that another positive result of a good night's sleep was an increase in our cognitive skills and the ability to reason. The study used a gambling test based on cognitive reasoning to make its case. The researchers gave two groups of 18- to 23-year-old college undergraduates a brief morning or afternoon preview of the gambling task, so brief that it was not possible for them to learn its underlying rule. Subjects were then asked to come back in 12 hours. The 28 subjects who got the preview in the afternoon went home to a normal evening and their usual night of sleep while the 26 who received the game preview in the morning came back after a day of normal activities with no naps. Those who were allowed to nap understood the task at hand better and as a result, made better draws in the gambling task, thereby having a superior outcome. Those that hadn't slept lacked rule discovery, an underappreciated, yet highly important part of decision making.
1:08:25 – Among academics who track the behavior of young adults and teens, there’s a touchy debate – should the word “entitled” be used when talking about today’s younger people? Are they overconfident in themselves? Jean Twenge, author of the book "Generation Me," is in the middle of the discussion. The San Diego State University psychology professor has made a career out of finding data that she says shows that college students and others their age are more self-centered — narcissistic even — than past generations. Now she's turned up data showing that they also feel more superior about themselves than their elders did when they were young. “There are some advantages and some disadvantages to self-esteem, so having some degree of confidence is often a good thing," says Twenge. But as she sees it, there's a growing disconnect between self-perception and reality. It's not just confidence. It's overconfidence.” Among other things, Twenge and her colleagues found that a growing percentage of incoming college freshmen rated themselves as "above average" in several categories, compared with college freshmen who were surveyed in the 1960s. When it came to social self-confidence, about half of freshmen questioned in 2009 said they were above average, compared to fewer than a third in 1966. Meanwhile, 60 percent in 2009 rated their intellectual self-confidence as above average, compared with 39 percent in 1966, the first year the survey was given. In the study, the authors also argue that intellectual confidence may have been bolstered by grade inflation, noting that, in 1966, only 19 percent of college students who were surveyed earned an "A'' or "A-minus" average in high school, compared with 48 percent in 2009.
13:03 – The stories of survival reveal a heartening truth – while no one walks away from tragedy unscathed, neither do most survivors succumb in the aftermath to perilizing despair. George Bonano, a psychology professor at Columbia University, specializes in resilience during times of trauma. Fellow researchers will publish a review of literature on the topic this fall in a journal of The Association for Psychological Science. They found a low rate of extreme problems in people coping with disaster, including PTSD. “We concluded that the ceiling for harmful effects is about 30% of those exposed.” Most everyone else either recovers quickly or shows great resilience. Some people will be deeply psychologically wounded, but most people will not.
36:43 – According to the 2011 Trojan U.S. Sex Census – 3,000 10-minute online surveys taken – 63% of respondents still wish they were having sex more frequently. The most exciting place they said they’d ever had sex was in a car (48%), followed by sex in someone else’s bed (33%).
59:13 – UCLA researchers created a test in which they can determine a person’s age within 5 years by testing the age of your saliva. Using test subjects they knew nothing about. The test looks for a kind of DNA decay called methylation in just two sites on the genome. These two sites are among 88 sites on 80 genes for which methylation changes are particularly well linked to a person's age. Professor Eric Vilain and colleagues found the sites during an analysis of 34 pairs of male identical twins between 21 and 55 years of age. They then tested the saliva of 31 men and 29 women aged 18 to 70. The test was accurate within 5.2 years. The test explained only 73% of the variance in age. In other words, the test said some people were younger or older than their actual age.
27:12 – The strength of a physician’s religious feelings can and will influence the types of treatments he or she offers to patients. A study published online in the Journal of Medical Ethics found that doctors with stronger religious faith were less likely to talk with patients about treatment options that could shorten their lives, such as prescribing powerful pain medicines. They were also less likely to keep patients in continuous deep sedation or to support legislation allowing doctor-assisted euthanasia. The reverse is true for doctors who describe themselves as “very or extremely non-religious.” They were almost twice as likely as religious doctors to report that they had pursued treatments that had the potential to hasten a patient’s death – either intentionally or as a side-effect.
29:37 – According to a Gallup poll in 1944, 96% of Americans said that they believed in God. The same poll conducted in 2011 revealed the stat as 92%.
47:38 – Scientists have always rigorously attempted to prove the differences between man and woman. Researchers came to Los Angeles and studied the daily activities of 30 dual earner couples in LA over a 1-week period. They tracked the couple’s levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which primes the body for physical and mental challenges over the day and then recedes at day’s end in anticipation of rest, relaxation and renewal. People with chronically high cortisol levels or whose levels fail to decline in the evening not only feel more stressed out but are more vulnerable to a wide range of physical and mental illnesses. Linking cortisol levels with married parents’ end-of-day activities could reveal a lot about how domestic routines influence health and happiness. All of the couples studied had at least one child between the ages of 8-10 living at home. The median age of the parents was 41 and observers recorded their activities at 10-minute intervals. The women, on average, spent 30% of their evening on housework and about 11% on leisure activity. The men, on the other hand, devoted 20% of their time to housework and 19% to leisure. The scientists from USC, UCLA and Connecticut College found that spending lots of time on household chores at the end of the day kept husbands’ and wives’ cortisol levels high. On closer inspection, they noticed that married mothers’ cortisol levels declined most steeply when their husbands pitched in with housework. The dads’ cortisol wasn’t likely to dip at all unless they spent all their time straight relaxing.
13:05 – Female soldiers may do a good job of suppressing pain responses but physiology doesn’t make it easy. Men produce endogenous opioids – neurochemicals that function as natural anesthetics – more abundantly than women do. Women are also more susceptible to inflammatory pain disorders like fibromyalgia and arthritis, especially because estrogen can worsen inflammation. Even female newborns demonstrate higher pain sensitivity than male newborns. While popular wisdom says men are likelier to complain about their pain, researchers also found that in male study subjects, the tendency was to “cowboy up” a little bit and hide their suffering when a woman was gathering the data from them.
22:05 – A study came out this week that says a BPA-Free label does not mean a product is harmless. When scientists conducted lab tests on more than 20 top-brand baby bottles and more than 450 plastic food and beverage packages, virtually all leeched chemicals that acted like the hormone estrogen, even though many were free of BPA. The new study, along with other works, suggests that the public’s attention to BPA has been misguided. It now looks as though there are thousands of possible chemicals in all sorts of plastics that act exactly like BPA. They’re called encocrine disruptors, which falsely tell the body’s cells that the hormone estrogen is around – potentially causing all sorts of troubling developmental and reproductive consequences. Results showed more than 90% of the products leeched estrogenic chemicals before they were even put through stresses, the team reported this month in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives. After being stressed, nearly all of the plastics showed estrogenic activity when applied to the cancer cells.
38:51 – Neuroscientists at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis have identified brain cells and brain function that allow extremely intoxicated people to perform complex tasks such as dancing, debating or even driving home without having any recollection of it the next day. In the study published in the July edition of The Journal of Neuroscience, researchers reported they previously reported consuming large amounts of alcohol killed brain cells, which explained the temporary amnesia commonly called blackouts. They now understand alcohol interferes with brain receptors that produce steroids, which cause neurons essential to memory and learning to misfire. “It’s been known for a long time that changes in the way neurons connect with each other underlies the ability to learn new things and people thought alcohol blocks memory function,” says senior investigator Dr. Chuck Zorumski, the head of the department of psychiatry at Washington University. “It’s actually the main neurons or brain cells that shut themselves down when they’re exposed to alcohol.” Once a person even has one blackout, it is likely that others will follow.
47:39 – People who use big forks eat less compared to diners who use small forks, but only when eating from a plate loaded with food, according to a new study. Over a period of two days, researchers from the University of Utah wasted their time monitoring customers at an Italian restaurant during two lunches and two dinners. With one of the study's authors and two research assistants serving as waiters, the researchers assigned either large forks or small forks to certain tables. The fork assignments were rotated after every meal, and the ordered plates of food were weighed on a food scale before they were brought to the customers. After the plates were brought back to the kitchen, either empty, with leftovers to be disposed of, or needing to be boxed to take home, they were weighed again. The findings showed that when the initial quantity of food was more, with a well-loaded plate, diners with small forks ate significantly more than those with large forks. That may be because diners feel they are not eating enough of their food when using the smaller fork and are therefore not satisfying their hunger, according to the researchers. When customers were given plates with small servings of food, however, the fork size did not affect the amount of food consumed. This may be because small servings allow diners to better visually gauge how much food they've eaten, while it's harder to tell how much progress has been made when eating from a large serving. “People do not have clear internal cues about the appropriate quantity to consume,” the researchers wrote in the current issue of the Journal of Consumer Research. “They allow external cues, such as fork size, to determine the amount they should consume.”
11:13 – Study done about 3D displays causing extra eye fatigue. Published by the Journal of Vision it was funded in part by Samsungs R&D arm. Researchers from Cal-Berkeley found that when test subjects watched 3D displays, they reported more eye strain and fatigue and less vision clarity afterwards than when they watched 2D video. The disparity between the depth of the screen and the depth of the 3D image caused most of the problems. Nearness of the screen also played a role.
26:33 – According to the National Retail Federation, families with kindergarten through high school will spend an average of $603.60 on new clothes, school supplies and electronics for their child. That is down almost $3 from last year.
48:07 – Positive emotions like joy and compassion are good for your mental and physical health. They also help foster creativity and friendship. People with bipolar disorder seem to have too much of a good things. In a new article to be published in the August issue of Current Directions and Psychological Science, psychologist June Gruber of Yale University considers how positive emotion may become negative in bipolar disorder. One of the characteristics of bipolar disorder is the extreme periods of positive mood, or mania. People in the grip of mania also have increased energy, sleep less and exhibit extreme self-confidence. “The fact that positive emotion has gone awry is something unique about bipolar disorder, as almost all other emotional disorders are characterized by difficulties in negative emotions,” Gruber said.
54:45 – Tall women are at greater risk for cancer than their vertically challenged peers. A new study finds that for every additional 4 inches of height, a woman’s risk of developing cancer increases by 16%.
3:31 – Parents who share a bed with their child can sleep better tonight in light of some new research that’s been published in the journal Pediatrics that finds that this practice doesn’t give rise to learning or behavior problems.
13:43 – A survey conducted by UC-San Francisco says that nearly 40% of employees at California emergency rooms say they have been physically assaulted on the job in the last year. The Emergency Nurses Association says that more than 1 in 10 ER nurses surveyed in 2010 claim that they have been attacked in the previous week.
32:57 – A study published online in the journal of Sexual Medicine used functional magnetic resonance imaging of the female brain. It found that stimulation of the nipples travels to the same part of the brain as sexual stimulations and sensations from the vagina, clitoris and cervix.
42:13 – Panic attacks that seem to strike sufferers out of the blue are not without warning after all, according to some new research. A study based on 24-hour monitoring of panic sufferers while they went about their daily activities captured panic attacks as they happened and discovered waves of significant physiological instability for at least 60 minutes before the patient’s awareness of the panic attack.
46:17 – A study in Health Affairs says that antidepressants are being increasingly prescribed by non-psychiatrists. This is to treat medical disorders but is being prescribed with the absence of a true psychiatric diagnosis. The rate jumped from 60% in 1996 to 73% in 2007 which means it’s probably even higher in 2011.
52:39 – Goodbye, metrosexual, and hola vanidoso. Increasingly, growth in the men’s grooming arena will be driven by the personal care habits of Latinos. According to a new study focusing on the grooming preferences of Latino men in the U.S. and Census bureau figures, they show that Latino population is growing faster than the rate of general population.
59:23 – If you overindulge while on vacation, you’re not alone. In a survey of more than 1,000 U.S. travelers, 81% said they are more likely to overindulge on food on vacation than while at home. 55% said they drink way more alcohol on vacation than they would do at home. Trip Advisor found that 61% of women and 47% of men diet in preparation for vacation. The top food vice was ice cream (29%). 10% said fried seafood and 7% said cake.
1:02:58 – How do you know how to trust a hotel review posted by users on websites such as Trip Advisor or Yelp? Researchers at Cornell University recently developed a software program they say can sniff out “opinion spam.”
7:01 – According to Parade magazine, a survey was conducted of more than 1,000 teens and found that 45% named their parents – not friends or celebrities – as their sexual role models. Many of the kids who rely on parental guidance also said their family communicates openly when it comes to sex.
10:33 – A study in the peer-reviewed medical journal Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine – the first of its kind – scientists strapped monitors to pregnant women to measure their exposure to low-frequency magnetic fields. Researchers followed up with the women and children over the first 13 years and found that those born to mothers with the highest level of exposure were 3 times more likely to develop asthma than the others.
21:37 – In a beach etiquette survey, about 1,100 U.S. travelers were surveyed by Trip Advisor. 78% of respondents said toplessness was OK in destinations where it’s culturally acceptable. About 6% said European sunbathing should be OK in any beach or pool.
38:12 – Workplace incivility is on the rise, researchers said Sunday at the American Psychological Association annual meeting. The academics defined workplace incivility as “a form of organizational deviance characterized by low-intensity behaviors that violate respectful workplace norms appearing vague as to intent to harm.” Translation: rudeness, insults and plain old bad manners. Research suggests 75-80% have experienced incivility.
55:45 – While homeless men are very aware of the risk of unprotected sex, it seems they are not very educated on how to protect themselves from STDs, according to a USC study. Researchers interviewed dozens of men on Skid Row in downtown LA to understand how they viewed the risks of sexual encounters with women. While more than half of the respondents had been tested for HIV, most held medically inaccurate beliefs they used to judge their partner’s chances of having an STD. The men took everything into account from a woman’s reputation, the location of the encounter, to a woman’s flirtiness, to her ear wax buildup, to decide whether a condom was acceptable. Men used 6 different categories to identify risk of catching an STD from a woman: obvious drug use, prostitution, mental illness, promiscuity, decency and dangerous behavior – such as belonging to a gang, etc.
16:54 – A Harvard study in New England Journal of Medicine says that 75% of doctors in America will be sued at some point during their careers, while surgeons face a near certainty of being named in a malpractice case before they reach the age of 65.
23:58 – OKCupid ranked the 10 most promiscuous cities based on how many users’ profiles said they were seeking casual sex. #10 was Houston, #9 was San Diego, #8 was Denver, #7 was San Bernadino, #6 was Dallas, #5 was San Francisco, #4 was Miami, #3 was Pittsburgh, #2 was Seattle and #1 was Portland.
51:03 – In the first study of its kind, researchers found that most sack lunches taken to school by preschool children were stored at unsafe temperatures, potentially encouraging the growth of harmful bacteria that can cause food poisoning. Only about 45% of lunches containing perishable foods like sandwich meat, yogurt and vegetables included a lunch pack, and even those items tended to be dangerously warm. To reduce the risk of food-borne illness, the study’s authors offer a few guidelines for parents – make sure your child’s school stores lunches in a fridge; do not refrigerate lunches in insulated bags, which keep school from staying cool; avoid using mayo, which spoils quickly; freeze juices and waters, which help the lunches stay chilled.
57:55 – Robot-assisted physical therapy may improve stroke patients’ mobility more than regular human therapy. Researchers assigned 10 patients to robot-assisted therapy and assigned 10 stroke patients to a more traditional human physical therapy program. Both groups had sessions lasting 90-105 minutes a day, 5 days a week for 4 weeks. Participants did repetitive bilateral arm movements. The device could adjust its settings to encourage patients to engage in more active movements with their weaker arm and they offered immediate visual feedback of the efforts. Those using robot-assisted therapy were able to do more daily tasks with their weaker arm compared with the control group. Arm movements improved, as did their bimanual ability. The study was published this week in the journal Clinical Rehabilitation.
7:19 – According to some scientific findings in the peer review journal PLOS Biology, humans are just one of around 6.5 million different species in the world living on land.
20:55 – New research in Pediatrics says that babies born to snuff-using mothers are more likely to have breathing problems than those whose mothers smoked while pregnant.
25:52 – A new study published online this week in Air Quality, Atmosphere and Health found that the air released through the vent while a dryer is drying that has handled a load of wash that has any of the top 5-selling detergents or dryer sheets has 25 extremely volatile organic compounds and at least two known wildly unhealthy carcinogens.
48:42 – More adults use social networks. A new study says how half of American adults are now on social networks. Use among baby boomers is growing. A report from the Pew Internet and American Life Project says that of the adult that use the internet, 2/3 use social networks such as Facebook or Twitter. That’s up slightly from a year ago. Among Baby Boomers, 32% say they use a social networking site on a typical day – up from 20% a year ago.
14:31 – You would think your doctor’s white coat is as clean as a whistle. A study finds dangerous germs could be lurking on nurses and doctors’ uniforms. Researchers cultured 3 spots on the uniforms of 75 nurses and 60 physicians working in a 550-bed hospital. Potential pathogens were found on 63% of the uniforms. Antibiotic resistant bacteria were found on samples from 14% of the nurses’ uniforms and 6% of the doctors’ uniforms.
45:44 – This week, a report from the National Research Council urged NASA to start getting serious about cleaning up “space junk.” Scientists are tracking about 22,000 pieces of satellite, rockets and other spacecraft that humans have sent into space without any real plans to retrieve them. Even a small paint fleck has the kinetic energy of a hand grenade in space.
26:57 – Women who use contraceptives like birth control pills seem to experience memory changes, according to a new UC-Irvine research. Their ability to remember the gist of an emotional event improves, while women not using the contraceptives better retain details. In the study, groups of women either on the contraceptive or experiencing natural hormonal cycles were shown photographs of a mother, her son, and a car accident. The audio narrative differed; some in each group were told the car had hit a curb, while others were told the car had hit the boy and critically injured him. One week later, all were given surprise tests about what they recalled. Women using hormonal contraceptives for as little as one month remembered more clearly the main steps in the traumatic event – that there had been an accident, that the boy had been rushed to the hospital, that doctors worked to save his life and successfully reattached both his feet, for instance. Women not using them remembered more details, such as a fire hydrant next to the car. UCI graduate researcher Shawn Nielsen and fellow researcher Nicole Ertman agreed the findings could help lead to fuller answers about why women experience post traumatic stress syndrome more frequently than men, and how men remember differently than women. Men typically rely more on right-hemisphere brain activity to encode memory. They retain the gist of things better than details. Women on the pill, who have lower levels of hormones associated with female reproduction, may remember emotional events similarly to men. Nielsen plans to do her doctoral thesis on whether hormones affect the retention of detail. The work, funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, appears in the September issue of the journal Neurobiology of Learning and Memory. Additional authors include Cahill and UCI undergraduate research assistant Yasmeen Lakhani. 32:16 – If men want women to remember what you say to them, speak to them in a low-pitch voice. Then, depending on what they remember about you, they may or may not rate you as a potential mate. This is according to a new study, that shows that a low masculine voice is important for both mate choice and the accuracy of women’s memory. The research is published online in Springer’s journal Memory and Cognition.
8:06 – Adermatoglyphia is a rare skin condition that causes some people to be born without fingerprints, and it’s the subject of a new study published in the American Journal of Human Genetics. The report explores the underlying cause of the condition and underscores the usefulness of rare genetic mutations as a tool for investigating unknown aspects of biology. In some fields it’s been called Immigration Delay Disease.
18:16 – According to a just-released Gallup poll, residents of southern states are less likely to visit the dentist.
21:32 – An analysis of 31 studies on alcohol drinking patterns worldwide has found that people born in North America after World War II are more likely to engage in binge drinking and to develop alcoholism. Younger groups consistently consume more alcohol than older generations. Researchers, led by Katherine M. Keys of Columbia University, evaluated data dating from 1948. She found that the U.S. differs from Western Europe and Australia because a larger number of Americans do not drink at all. The postwar rise in alcohol use in the US is not seen in Western Europe or Australia. It also showed that problem drinking rates continue to rise among women.
40:09 – A research psychologist studied 203 American corporate professionals. They were chosen by their companies to participate in a management training program. The psychologists used a standard test to evaluate their psychopathic traits and tendencies. Clinical psychopaths are characterized by being completely amoral, concerned only about their own power and selfish pleasure. They are also motivated by a constant need to motivate everyone around them. The psychologist found that the rate of psychopaths amongst these corporate professionals was four times greater than the general population.
5:48 – There was a study done about the most popular snack items in both regular and healthy vending machines. The fare sold in healthy vending machines may do less damage to your waistline than products found in mainstream machines, but experts caution that any processed snack is worse than a piece of fresh fruit or a handful of roasted nuts. The top-selling items in mainstream vending machines across the country according to the 2011 State of the Vending Industry Report was a Snickers Bar (280 cal., 14g fat, 5g sat. fat, 30g sugar). Next was Peanut M&Ms; (250 cal., 13g fat, 5g sat. fat, 25g sugar), then Ruffle’s Cheddar & Sour Cream potato chips (240 cal., 16.5g fat, 2.25g sat. fat, 345mg sodium). The most popular healthy items were Pop Chips (100 cal., 3.5g fat, 0g sat. fat, 160mg sodium), Aged White Cheddar Pirate’s Booty (130 cal., 5g fat, 1g sat. fat, 130mg sodium), Stacy’s Parmesan Garlic Herb Pita Chips (195 cal., 7.5g fat, 1g sat. fat, 405mg sodium).
25:55 – After analyzing 2 years’ worth of tweets by 2.4 million people around the world, researchers at Cornell University have concluded that people wake up happy but their mood deteriorates as the day goes on. That discovery, reported last month in the journal Science, will interest researchers who are trying to understand how circadian rhythms and other natural influences shape our states of mind. But the study’s primary significance may have more to do with its methods than its results. “We now have the ability to view societies as a massive scale using the internet,” said study leader Scott Golder, a grad student in sociology at Cornell. “This will open up opportunities for social scientists.” Golder said he intended to use Twitter to study behavior, not emotion. He and a colleague wrote a computer program that sampled all Twitter user accoutns created between February 2008 and April 2009 and collected up to 400 messages from each account. The program compiled more than a half-billion messages it used to analyze these findings.
47:48 – Researchers from Georgia Tech’s School of Psychology used a word association test to discover that most people have built-in prejudices. However this racism isn’t necessarily something they believe in, but something that seeps into the subconscious from modern-day culture. Study leader Paul Verhagen exposed people’s inherent racism with a straightforward but sneaky word test. Volunteers were asked for example if the letters GUB formed a word and also if the letters GUN formed word. He found that participants gave their answer much more quickly if they were shown a black face before the letters GUN.
1:02:38 – Psychology researcher Felix Warneken performed a series of ordinary tasks in front of toddlers such as hanging towels with clothespins or stacking books. Sometimes he “struggled” with the tasks. Sometimes he deliberately messed up. Over and over again, each of the 24 toddlers offered to help within seconds, but only if he appeared to need the help. Video shows one overall-clad baby glance between Warneken’s face and the dropped clothespin before quickly crawling over, grabbing the object, pushing up to his feet and eagerly handing back the pin. Warneken never asked for help, nor did he ever say thank you when they did – so as not to taint the research. The toddlers did not bother to offer help when he deliberately pulled a book off the stack or threw a clothespin on the floor. Warneken reports in the journal Science to be altruistic babies, they must have the cognitive ability to understand other peoples’ goals plus possess what Warneken calls the pro-social motivation – a desire to be part of their community. When those two things come together, they are able to help.
6:39 – Elizabeth Morgan is a professor of psychology at Boise State University. She studies same-sex attractions among heterosexuals. In a study of 484 heterosexual women, she found 60% of them were sexually attracted to other women while 45% had kissed another woman and around 50% had sexual fantasies about other women.
19:10 – A study at BYU in the Family Life Studies department found that couples who rank money and things as important might be worse off in their relationships than those who aren’t as materialistic. Researchers surveyed 1,734 married couples across the U.S. about their attitudes toward relationship values and issues such as materialism, compassion, communication and the importance of marriage. Among the participants, 58.7% had either high or low levels of materialism. Couples who did not place high value on money and things scored moderately higher on almost every marriage feature on the questionnaire compared with the couples who valued materialism.
10:57 – Research recently published online in the journal Injury Prevention surveyed 1,878 teens from 22 public schools in Boston. It found that teens who drink more than 5 cans of non-diet fizzy soft drinks each week are significantly more likely to behave aggressively – including carrying a weapon of some kind and instigating violence among peers.
27:14 – When it comes to looks, the line between candy and medicine can be a fine one, a study finds. Researchers tested 30 kindergarten kids and 30 teachers to see if they could distinguish popular candies from over-the-counter medicines. On average, the students guessed correctly about 70.5 percent of the time while teachers averaged about 77.6 percent of the time. The hardest to distinguish were M&Ms; from the cold medicine Coricidlin, Sweet Tarts from the heartburn remedies Mylanta or Tums and Reese’s Pieces form the sinus medication Sign-Off. The research was present at the American Academy of Pediatrics National Conference in Boston.
53:26 – A growing number of researchers are warning about the dangers of watching TV when very young children are nearby. Recent findings suggest that even casual exposure to TV can harm their development and undermine parent-child interactions. The most recent warnings came last week when the American Academy of Pediatrics for the first time included warnings about “second-hand television” in its guidelines. Recent surveys say that 1 in 3 families just leave the television on.
6:34 – Contrary to popular belief, most college students do not gain anywhere near 15 pounds during their freshman year, according to a new nationwide study. Rather than adding the “Freshman 15” as it is commonly referred to, the average student gains about 2.5 to 3.5 pounds during the first year of college. College has little to do with the weight gain, the study revealed. A typical freshman only gains about a half-pound more than the same-aged person that doesn’t go to college.
25:21 – Children who play more outdoors are smarter, leaner and stronger than kids more inclined toward indoor activity. A new study finds they have another advantage – they’re less likely to suffer from nearsightedness, in which objects in the distance appear blurry. That finding, presented last week at the American Academy of Opthamology yearly meeting, is based on data from 8 studies that explore the relationship between outdoor time and myopia in more than 10,000 children. For every hour each week a child spends in outdoor activity, his/her likelihood of suffering of nearsightedness declined 2 percent.
49:28 – New science unveils how your brain is hard-wired when it comes to spending and how you can reboot it.
54:50 – Newsweek article: “Don’t let chaos get you down. You’re not depressed. Our brains just aren’t equipped for 21st century life.” -- Dr. Andrew Weil, best-selling author, speaker and integrative medicine thought leader.
50:05 – Old-fashioned leatherhead football helmets from the early 1900s are often as effective and sometimes better than modern football helmets in protecting against injuries during routine, gamelike collisions, according to the Cleveland Clinic researchers. The study, published online Nov. 4 by the Journal of Neurosurgery – Spine, compared head injury risks of two early 20th century leatherhead helmets with 11 top-of-the-line 21st century polycarbonate helmets. In their biomechanics lab, Cleveland Clinic researchers conducted impact tests, crashing helmets together at severities on par with 95% of on-field collisions 75 G-forces or less in collegiate and high school football games. For this study, researchers analyzed hits that are common in games and practices – hits that, taken separately, may not seem perilous, but when added together may lead to serious long-term drooling. For many of the impact and angles studied in the lab, the researchers found that leather helmets offered similar and even better protection than modern helmets.
5:23 - Nearly a fifth of all Americans 12 years or older have hearing loss that is so severe it may make communication difficult, according to a new study led at Johns Hopkins Research Center. Published in the November archives of Internal Medicine, the findings - thought to be the first nationally representative estimate of hearing loss - suggests that many more people than previously thought are affected.
7:17 - Professors of forest ecology at Yale don't know exactly why, but it seems like acorns have all but pretty much vanished this fall in New England. This phenomenon is not understood but they feel this is going to ripple throughout the entire ecosystem and have negative impacts on squirrels, owls, chipmunks, turkeys, deer and mice.
38:20 – We’ve all experienced it: the frustration of entering a room and forgetting what we were going to do or get or find. New research from the University of Notre Dame psychology professor Gabriel Radvansky suggests that passing through doorways is the cause of these memory lapses: “Entering or exiting through a doorway serves as a ‘event boundary’ in the mind, which separates episodes of activity and files them away. Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it’s been compartmentalized.” The study was published recently in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology. Conducting experiments in both real and virtual environments, Radvansky’s subjects – all college students – performed memory tasks while crossing a room and while exiting a doorway. In the first experiment, subjects used a virtual environment and moved from one room to another, selecting an object on a table and exchanging it for an object on a different table. They did the same thing while simply moving across the room but not crossing through a doorway. Radvansky found that subjects forgot more after walking through a doorway compared to moving the same distance across the room, suggesting that the doorway or event boundary impedes one’s ability to retrieve thoughts and decisions made in a different room. The second experiment in real-world settings required subjects to conceal in boxes the objects chosen from the table and move either across the room or travel the same distance and walk through a doorway. The results in the real world replicated those of a virtual world – walking through a doorway diminished the subjects’ memories.
18:29 – Firefighters are more likely to be hurt exercising than while operating on the fire ground, according to a study in the journal Injury Prevention. It found that physical exercise, patient transport and physical training activities were responsible for a greater percentage of injuries than fire ground operations. Firefighting and EMS work are inherently dangerous, and the two combined have one of the highest rates of injuries and deaths in any profession. This is according to a writeup in the Science Codex. The injury prevention study looked at data for injuries sustained while at work for 21 fire stations in the metro Tuscon, Ariz. area in 2004 and 2009. Nearly 33 percent of all injuries – most of which were not deemed serious – occurred during mandatory exercise during the workers’ shift.
22:01 – Researchers from the University of Washington and Aalto University in Findland are one step closer to developing a contact lens that may one day allow you to see words displayed over your regular field of vision. Potential for applications for this developing technology include navigation and gaming and also the ability to display short e-mails and texts over one’s field of vision. In a study published in the November issue of Micromechanics and Microengineering, the paper’s authors explain the lens would receive data through an antenna that is embedded right inside of it. The contact lens also has a tiny silicone power harvesting and radio integrated circuit, metal interconnect, insulation layers and a very small transparent sapphire chip, containing a custom-designed micro LED.
52:00 – “Subcutenous Penile Insertion of Domino Fragments by Incarcerated Males in Southwest United States Prisons: A Report in Three Cases.” This is an abstract from a medical journal by the International Society for Sexual Medicine.
6:13 – A study published in the journal Fertility and Sterility claims that 25 percent of the sperm in men stopped moving when those men were using wi-fi connected laptops, compared to 14% of men who weren’t near a wi-fi signal.
10:08 – The Pew Research Center Internet and American Life Project reported that 53% of young adults 18-29 went online today or yesterday “for no particular reason other than to have fun or pass the time.”
28:44 – Can your posture influence the way you think? Cognitive psychologists had volunteers estimate numerical quantities. Mainly they had people stand in front of the Eiffel Tower on a Wii balance board. The people thought they were standing up straight, but they were either tilted a little bit to the left or a little bit to the right. People gave lower estimates of the height of the tower then they were leaning to the left and they gave higher estimates of the height when they were leaning to the right.
50:57 – The investigation of a 2009 multi-state outbreak of shiga toxin producing Escherichia coli – an important cause of bacterial gastrointestinal illness – led to a new culprit: ready-to-bake commercial pre-packaged cookie dough. Published in Clinical Infectious Diseases and available online, a new report describing the outbreak offers recommendations for prevention, including a stronger message for consumers: don’t eat pre-packaged cookie dough before it’s baked. The investigation didn’t conclusively implicate flower, but it remains the prime suspect. They pointed out that a single purchase of contaminated flour might have been used to manufacture multiple lots and varieties of dough over a period of time as suggested by the “use by” dates on the contaminated product. Flour does not ordinarily undergo a “kill step” to kill pathogens that may be present, unlike the other ingredients in the cookie dough like the pasteurized eggs, molasses, sugar, baking soda and margarine. Chocolate was also not implicated in the outbreak since eating chocolate chip cookie dough was less strongly associated with these illnesses compared with eating other flavors of cookie dough. Eating uncooked cookie dough appears to be a popular practice, especially among adolescent girls. The study author notes that several patients reported they bought the product with no intentions of actually baking it.
6:25 – People who have a heart attack are likely to be more seriously affected if the attack happens in the morning, reveals research published in the Heart Journal. Heart attacks that occur between 6 a.m. and noon are likely to leave 20% more larger area of dead tissue. A person’s 24-hour clock influences several cardiovascular psychological processes, including the incidences of heart attacks which tend to happen more around the time when a person is waking up from sleep. But what is less known is the extent of damage than it leads to.
14:08 – A report issued by Nielsen said 51% of iPad users use them in bed or in front of their TV.
40:29 – Researchers from Carnegie Mellon University have shown that public information readily available to anyone from government sources, commercial databases, Facebook, etc., can be used to routinely predict most and sometimes all individuals’ 9-digit social security number. The government never could have predicted both the population growth and the invention of computers when the system was devised in the 1930s. With just a birthdate and a state of birth, the researchers were well on their way – especially if you were born after 1988. With only a partial number, you can try multiple times to get a CC repeating until successful.
42:01 – Personality can affect longevity. Those with the most optimism and cheerfulness die younger than their less-positive counterparts, U.S. researchers have found. Study leader Howard Friedman, professor of psychology at the University of Cal-Riverside and Leslie Martin, a psychology professor at La Sierra University in Riverside and staff researchers over a 20-year period analyzed data from a study of 1,500 bright children who were about 10 years old when the study began in 1921. Longevity project participants who were the most cheerful and had the best sense of humor are kids who lived shorter lives on average than those who were less cheerful and joking. The most prudent and persistent individuals stayed healthiest and lived the longest.
52:17 – Forget the booze. It’s simply the lack of sleep that causes gamblers to risk more. In a recent Duke University study, researchers polled 29 young adults who had just pulled an all-nighter to find out how sleep deprivation affects decision-making – specifically choices linked to economic gambles. The experts learned that when people are sleep-deprived, they’re more likely to place riskier bets.
31:46 – A study shows that persistence pays off in the mating game. In Austin, Texas, a new study co-authored by a UT psychology professor suggests that self-deception may help men succeed in the mating game, while women will benefit more from effective communication. David Buss, professor of psychology and psychology grad student Judith Easton – both of UT-Austin, conducted the research with Williams College psychologist Carin Perlioux, senior author of the study. The findings will appear in an upcoming issue of Psychological Science, a journal published by the Association for Psychological Science. The research, conducted at The University of Texas at Austin, involved 103 female and 96 male undergraduates who were asked to rate their own attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 7 before participating in a "speed-meeting" exercise in which the students had three-minute, one-on-one conversations with five members of the opposite sex. After each conversation, they rated the other person's physical attractiveness and perceived sexual interest. Participants were also assessed for their level of desire for a short-term sexual encounter with each person with whom they interacted. Men looking for a "quick hook-up" were more likely to overestimate a woman's desire for them, researchers found. Men who thought of themselves as attractive also overestimated a woman’s desire for them. Indeed, the more attractive the woman was to the man, the more likely he was to overestimate her interest in him. Men who were actually considered attractive according to the women's rankings did not seem to have this discrepancy in evaluating the situation. Interestingly, women tended to show a bias opposite that of most men — they consistently underestimated men's sexual interest in them. In terms of human evolution, it is likely that ancestral men who overestimated their appeal to women and pursued them — even at the risk of being rebuffed — were more likely to reproduce and pass along this tendency to "over perceive" to genetic heirs. The research suggests that women should be as communicative and clear as possible, while men should consider that the more attracted they are to a woman, the more likely they are wrong about her interest. 42:06 – Taking the stairs instead of the elevator – it won’t just make you more fit, it may also save you time. This study was only done with four people. They pitted stairwalking against elevator riding to see which mode of transporation took longer and which produced more fatigue. The participants made 14 trips of various lengths by going up and down stairs at a normal pace in a seven-story building and by using two banks of elevators. The trips were made at different parts of the day and on different days to get a cross-section. The average stair trip took 13.1 seconds compared to 37.5 seconds from one of the elevator banks and 35.6 seconds for the other. Most of the extra time for the elevator riders was spent by people waiting for them. The stair takers saved almost 15 minutes per day – no difference in fatigue was seen between the groups.
19:00 – Flushing the toilet with the lid up can spray diarrhea-causing bacteria into the air, according to a new study of hospital toilets. Researchers detected c difficile – a germ that can cause diarrhea and even life-threatening inflammation of the colon – nearly 10 inches above the toilet after flushing lidless hospital toilets. C difficile is frequently found in hospitals and long-term care facilities, where antibiotics are common. The highest numbers of c difficile were recovered from air sampled immediately after flushing. It then declined eightfold after 60 minutes and a further threefold after 90 minutes, the researchers reported in the January issue of the Journal of Hospital Infection. C difficile was spotted on surrounding surfaces 90 minutes after flushing, with an average of 15-47 contaminated toilet water droplets landing in the nearby environment, according to the study. “Lidless conventional toilets increase the risk of c difficile environmental contamination and we suggest that their use is discouraged, particularly in settings where c difficile infection is common.” Although the study focused on hospital toilets, experts say the findings extend to public restrooms and households. “Almost everywhere we go except in some public spaces we have lids on our commodes, but not everyone puts them down when they flush,” said Dr. William Shafner, chair of preventitive medicine at Vanderbilt University. “Doing so will reduce this type of environmental contamination very substantially.” In an episode of Mythbusters in 2004, they found lidless toilets did indeed spray water onto surrounding surfaces, including toothbrushes. They also found the health risk was negligible. “Control” toothbrushes removed from the restroom during the flush were speckled in fecal bacteria. Seth concludes that you should only go to the bathroom outside.
39:44 – Blogging may help teens deal with social distress. It may have psychological benefits for teens suffering from social anxiety, it will improve their self-esteem and help them relate better to friends, according to a study published in the American Psychological Association.
47:54 – A new study published in the peer-reviewed online medical journal PLOS-1 says men and women have large differences in personality.
48:38 – Scientific American is reporting of a discovery of zombie honeybees in northern California, which may provide a clue in the theory of colony collapse disorder (Episode 166, 1:04:51). The parasitic phorid fly has been found to use the honeybees as hosts. Laying their eggs inside of the bees, the bees then begin to act strange, almost zombie-like, venturing out of their hives at night and moving aimlessly in circles before eventually dying. Then 7 days later, up to 13 phorid larvae emerge from each dead bee and pupate, the final insect stage before adulthood – imago.
45:34 – This issue of Men’s Health magazine asked about 500 women to rate the hotness of these middle-of-the-day e-mails they would receive on a scale from Groan to Moan. A “Groan” rating: “I reserved our regular table. The linguini that you love is the special.” … A “Moan” rating: “I can still taste you and I’m hungry again.”
1:01:26 – There was a study published in the January issue of Pre-Hospital Emergency Care concerning emergency medical technician workers. It surveyed thousands, and almost 68% reported verbal abuse, perpetrated by patients (63%), patient family or friends, colleagues and bystanders. Intimidation was reported 41.5% by patients, 37% by patients’ family or friends, physical abuse (26%), harassment from patients (13.2%) and sexual assault.
1:05:11 – The perception that women are somehow scarce in the world leads men to become impulsive and to save less and increase borrowing, according to new research from the University of Minnesota.
1:19:36 – The cold weather has us hiding indoors, both in work and at home, surrounding ourselves with stale, warm air which can carry germs – putting us in the center of hot spots which we may not recognize. According to an American Dietetic Association and the Conagra Foods home safety program, 27% of people eat breakfast at their work desk, 62% eat lunch there and 50% snack there. A study by the University of Arizona said the typical desk has hundreds of times more bacteria per square inch than evening a toilet seat. They suggest washing your hands, cleaning your desk weekly and getting out of the office/home every once in a while for a quick walk.
13:35 – The average age car and truck in America has reached the oldest age since the Polk Research Firm started detailed records almost 20 years ago. The aveage age is about 10.8 years
27:36 – Researchers at The Johns Hopkins University have found internet searches for flu information to correspond with emergency room visits in Baltimore – a sign that Google flu trends may be a better tool for predicting outbreaks than the CDC reports upon which hospitals usually rely.
39:33 – A research paper in the Archives of Sexual Behavior concludes that the mere anticipation of interacting with a woman can temporarily impede a man’s mental abilities. In one experiment, casually mentioning a female’s name instead of a male’s was sufficient enough to impair men’s cognitive performance. In another, a brief instant messaging exchange was enough to do the trick. Moreover, these effects occur even if the men do not get information about the woman’s attractiveness.
51:03 – Camping is on the decline in the U.S., primarily because Americans say they don’t have enough time for the outdoors, according to a new report on camping trends in 2010 and 2011. The report, sponsored by camping gear manufacturers and private campground operators, found that 40 million Americans went camping for a total of 515 million outings in 2010. That’s a 10-percent drop from 2009. When asked why there were fewer trips, 43% of people blamed the lack of time from work and school commitments, and 33% said family commitments kept them from camping.
23:02 – Even when buying airline tickets, timing seemingly is everything. Passengers can get the lowest airfare if they buy 6 weeks before their flight, according to a study done by Airline Reporting Corp in Arlington, Va. This company handles ticketing transactions between the nation’s airlines and travel agents. The study looked at millions of transactions for airline tickets over the last four years and found that passengers paid the lowest price – nearly 6 percent below the overall average fare – if they buy 6 weeks before their flight. The study also showed that ticket prices begin to soar dramatically about a week before the day of travel and can rise nearly 40% above the average price if passengers buy the ticket on the day of the flight.
48:43 – Gossiping is bad, right? Not so fast. Spreading information might have some positive effects such as lowering stress, if it’s the right type of gossip. A study found that the way people gossiped about four experimental settings led to constructive outcomes. The scenarios involved observing others playing a game in which cheating took place. Volunteers had the opportunity to pass “gossip notes” to warn players about the behavior. In one scenario, volunteers heart rates went up when they witnessed cheating, but after passing the notes their heart rates went down. Researchers from UC-Berkeley used the term “pro-social” gossip to describe people warning about deceitful behavior observed in others. It’s different from the type of rumor-mongering we do when we’re talking about the bad behavior of celebrities, although let’s not count that out as a good times. The study was published online this month in the journal Personality and Social Psychology.
51:33 – People often view the last moments of an event positively simply because they signal the end of the experience, says University of Michigan researchers. Even if the experience is painful or negative, but concludes on a pleasant note, people will consider the event a more positive experience, says Ed O’Brien, a graduate student in the U-M Department of Psychology. Endings are powerful,” he said. O’Brien and colleague Phoebe Ellsworth, the Frank Murphy Distinguished Professor of Law and Psychology, conducted a chocolate tasting experiment with 52 college students to test the theory.Volunteers could sample five different Hershey's Kisses chocolates (milk, dark, crème, caramel and almond), but did not know in advance how many pieces they would eat or the type. Participants rated how much they enjoyed the chocolate and described each flavor so that the researchers could record the order in which the randomly pulled treats were eaten. Volunteers were randomly assigned to the “next” or the “last” condition. In the “next” condition, the experimenter said, “Here is your next chocolate,” before offering each chocolate, including the fifth. For the “last” condition, the experimenter said, “Here is your last chocolate,” before offering the fifth chocolate. These participants rated the fifth chocolate more enjoyable than volunteers in the “next” condition. As predicted, participants who knew they were eating the final chocolate of a taste test enjoyed it more. In fact, when asked to pick their favorite chocolate, the majority of “last” participants chose the fifth—even though the flavor of the fifth was randomly chosen. They also rated the overall experience as more enjoyable than volunteers who thought they were just eating one more chocolate in a series. O’Brien says these findings may have far-reaching implications. For example, the last book in a series or last speaker in a symposium may receive unwarranted praise simply because they are at the end of a series. The last job applicant may look more qualified. The findings appear in the current issue of Psychological Science.
6:02 – What does your doctor have to do with your weight? More than you might think. In a study of MDs and their care of heavier patients, doctors who were overweight or obese were less likely than their slimmer peers to discuss weight loss with their overweight or obese patients – especially if their patients were not as fat as they were. 30% of normal weight doctors would discuss it, while only 18% of fat doctors would discuss it with their patients.
8:28 – The Institute for Bioethics and Health Policy at Loyola University in Chicago asked a question, “Is it ever OK to hug your doctor?”
38:27 – Testosterone makes men less cooperative, more egocentric and makes us overvalue our own opinions at the expense of cooperation.
38:14 – About 10% of doctors surveyed said they hadn’t always been honest with their patients. According to new research published in the journal Health Affairs, they were most likely to lie about whether they committed any significant medical errors or whether they have a financial relationship with a drug or device company. Researchers led by Dr. Lisa Iasoni, director of the Massachusetts General Hospital Mongann Institute of Health Policy, gathered survey data from nearly 1,900 physicians from different specialties. They asked the doctors what information they thought they needed to disclose to patients. Approximately 33% of doctors said they didn’t completely agree with telling patients about serious medical errors, and about 40% said they did not believe they always had to inform patients of any financial ties to drug or device companies. About 20% of the doctors surveyed said they didn’t think they always had to be entirely truthful with patients. More than half the doctors also said they did not tell their patients about all the risks or benefits of specific medical procedures. About 1/3 of them said they shared confidential information with people who were not authorized to have it.
46:57 – An itch is just an itch – or is it? New research from Gil Yosipovich, MD, Ph.D., professor of dermatology at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center and a world-renowned itch expert, shows that how good scratching an itch is related to the itch’s location. The study was published online this month by the British Journal of Dermatology. “The goal of this study was to examine the role of the pleasurability of scratching in providing relief for itch,” Yosipovitch explained. "We first evaluated whether itch intensity was perceived differently at three body sites, and then we investigated the potential correlation between the pleasurability and the itch relief induced by scratching." Yosipovitch and colleagues induced itch on the ankles, forearms and backs of 18 study participants with cowhage spicules, which come from a type of legume found in tropical areas that are known to cause intense itching. The spicules were rubbed gently in a circular motion for 45 seconds within a small area of the skin and removed with adhesive tape once itch was induced. Itch intensity and scratching pleasurability were assessed every 30 seconds for a duration of five minutes using a Visual Analog Scale (VAS) to rate intensity – 0 for no itch, up to 10 for maximum unbearable itch. Their results show that itch was perceived most intensely at the ankle and back, while the perception of itch and scratching relief were less pronounced on the forearm. Another major finding of the paper, as Yosipovitch explains, is that “the pleasurability of scratching the ankle appears to be longer lived compared to the other two sites.”
13:56 – A study in the March issue of Steroids says the most success dieters can have is by using the “dessert with breakfast” plan. You drop the dessert right away and then have all day to work it off.
55:17 – How much sleep should you get? How much sleep should yoru child get? The National Sleep Foundation came out with a study noting that sleep needs that vary across ages are especially impacted by lifestyle and health. Newborns 0-2 months need 12-18 hours a day; from 3-11 months they need 14-15 hours; toddlers 1-3 years old need 12-14 hours; preschoolers 3-5 years old need 11-13 hours; 10-17 years old need 8 ½ - 9 ¼ hours.
58:01 – The Current Journal of Nutrition says that most people only think about drinking water when they’re thirsty, but by then it’s too late. Even mild dehydration could alter a person’s mood negatively, energy level and ability to think clearly. This is from research from two different studies at the University of Connecticut’s Human Performance Laboratory. Tests showed that it did not matter whether a person had walked 40 minutes on their treadmill or whether they were sitting on their couch watching TV. Once that ends and you think “I’m thirsty,” you’re in the same position.
12:14 – Taking the hallucinogen ecstacy during pregnancy may harm the health of the fetus and lead to poor motor control in infants, a new study suggest—the very first study of its kind. Researchers asked 96 British women about their substance abuse history before and during pregnancy. The women were taking part in the University of East London Drugs and Infancy Study, which looks at recreational drug use among pregnant women. Most of the women reported taking a range of illegal drugs both before and during pregnancy. Infant growth, motor control and brain development were assessed at birth and when babies were 4 months old. Infants born to mothers who used ecstasy during pregnancy had worse motor control and poorer hand-eye coordination at 4 months than babies whose mothers didn't use the drug. Other problems among the ecstasy-exposed group included an impaired ability to balance their heads, sit up without support or roll from their back on to their side. “The potential harmful effects of ecstasy exposure on prenatal and infant development have long been a concern," study author Lynn Singer, a professor of environmental health sciences, pediatrics and psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, in Cleveland, said in a university news release. "The drug's negative effects are particularly risky for pregnant women, who may use the drug without being aware of their condition.” The study also found that ecstasy was associated with more male births, suggesting that the drug may impact “chemical signaling that determines a baby's gender.” The study, funded by the U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse, is published in the Feb. 28 issue of Neurotoxicology and Teratology.
30:51 – According to a psychology at the West Virginia University of Technology, five days after major NASCAR races in West Virginia, there is a spike in traffic accidents. He found about 650 extra accidents over a 4-year period of time on West Virginia roads after NASCAR races. He believes they are caused by people essentially acting out NASCAR in their own regular daily driving.
32:57 – An article published in the March issue of Anesthesiology says that anesthesiologists over the age of 65 have a higher frequency of lawsuits filed against them and cause greater severity of injuries to their patients than younger doctors.
57:57 – A study from Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit said that there’s a very strong correlation between people using their cellphones of the hand they hold it in and the ear they put it up to. More than 70% of participants hold their cell phone up to the ear on the same side as their dominant hand.
34:20 – Comparing yourself to others with the same health problems can influence your physical and emotional health, according to researchers who conducted a qualitative synthesis of over 30 different studies that focused on the relationship between social comparisons and health. Professor Josh Smyth, professor of bio behavioral health and medicine at Penn State, said this phenomenon, first proposed in the 50s, is common in daily life. When we’re unsure of how we’re doing, we can reduce uncertainty by getting information from others. In this synthesis, published in the current issue of Health Psychology, researchers at both Syracuse University and University of Iowa found that people who compare downward to others who are worse off are less depressed than people who compare upward to people who are better off. Downward comparisons are often associated with immediate positive feelings, such as relief and gratitude, but nearly as often, studies show the exact opposite – people who compare upward do better on physical health measures and feel hopeful that they can improve. Downward comparisons can lead to sadness, worry or dejection.
41:38 – Sex on the first date? 55% of people say they have. First dates are often highly sexual, the survey found. 66% of men and 44% of women. First-date sex is not just about one-night stands or hookups, said sex therapist Laura Berman of Chicago, noting that many people meet online and feel they already know each other well by the first date. There is already flirtation and sexual tension through social media. “It’s almost as if by the time they’ve had the first physical date, it might have been the equivalent of three dates. I think this online sharing has definitely escalated some of the familiarity and quickness in which people get into sexual scenarios.” The survey found that 21% of singles met the last person they dated online. Stanford researcher Michael Rosenfeld said data may be deceiving for online daters who may meet a few people every week and have “a lot of first dates. It could be a small portion of all first dates that end up in sex.”
47:39 – A new study published by the American Psychological Association says that men like to know when their wife or girlfriend is happy. Women, however, really want the man in their life to know when they are sad, angry or upset.
56:30 – People who smoke only on weekends can cause as much damage to their memory as those who smoke on a daily basis, according to research from Northumbria University. Academics from the Collaboration for Drug and Alcohol Research Group tested 28 social smokers – those who smoke around 20 cigarettes once or twice a week, typically when out at the weekend – 28 people who smoke 10-15 cigarettes daily and 28 people who had never smoked on a video-based prospective memory test. Participants were asked to remember a series of pre-determined actions at specific locations when viewing a short clip of a busy high street. For example, they were asked to remember to text a friend when passing a particular store. In the first study of its kind, researchers found that both groups of smokers performed worse than those who had never smoked, with no difference according to the pattern of smoking. Dr Tom Heffernan, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, who conducted the research with Dr Terence O’Neill, said: “Smoking-related memory decline in general has been linked with increases in accelerated cerebral degeneration such as brain shrinkage. This new research suggests that restricting smoking to weekends makes no difference – smoking damages your memory.” The study has been published in the Open Addiction Journal.
47:32 – The Gallup Healthways Well-Being Index for 2011 ranked states based on their residents’ overall well-being, physical health, happiness, optimism and general quality of life. The No. 1 state was Hawaii. No. 50 was West Virginia. 52:43 – A study focused on the number of staircase-related injuries to children. 93,000 children younger than 5 are treated in hospital emergency departmetns each year, an analysis reported in the journal Pediatrics. Among children under age 1, 25% of the injuries occurred while the child was being carried by a parent down the stairs. A lot of staircases are pre-built so the top stair is 2 inches longer than the rest of the stairs.
32:07 – USA Today Snapshots: How Do Young Athletes Feel When Their Team Loses a Game? These are kids ages 8-14. 63% of the kids say they still had fun. 33% said they were sad. 15% said they were mad. 13% don’t care if they lost. 13% said their coach was sad.
34:19 – New research suggests doctors are contacting patients on internet dating sites and engaging in other unprofessional online behavior. According to a survey of most state medical boards that license and discipline doctors, most boards have said they’ve received at least one complaint about unprofessional online behavior. 25% had received more than 3 complaints. The most common violation was asking patients out online. More than half said they’ve had complaints that led to serious punishment, including revoking medical licenses.
37:50 – Holding a gun makes you think others are too, new research shows. Notre Dame Associate Professor of Psychology James Brockmole, who specializes in human cognition and how the visual world guides behavior, together with a colleague from Purdue University, conducted the study, which will appear in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance. In five experiments, subjects were shown multiple images of people on a computer screen and determined whether the person was holding a gun or a neutral object such as a soda can or cell phone. Subjects did this while holding either a toy gun or a neutral object such as a foam ball. The researchers varied the situation in each experiment -- such as having the people in the images sometimes wear ski masks, changing the race of the person in the image or changing the reaction subjects were to have when they perceived the person in the image to hold a gun. Regardless of the situation the observers found themselves in, the study showed that responding with a gun biased observers to report “gun present” more than did responding with a ball. Thus, by virtue of affording the subject the opportunity to use a gun, he or she was more likely to classify objects in a scene as a gun and, as a result, to engage in threat-induced behavior, such as raising a firearm to shoot.
41:55 – People born without a sense of smell experience higher social insecurity, an increased risk of depression and an increased risk of household accidents, according to a study, published March 21 in the open-access journal, PLoS ONE.
55:00 – Model Alliance is an advocacy group established to improve models’ working conditions as well as provide a safe space for models to communicate with one another about their rights. They conducted a survey of current workplace conditions for models and found 30% have been sexually harassed and 50% have been exposed to cocaine.
59:04 – A British social networking site conducted a study on the happiest age in a person’s life. Jonathan guesses the age is 17, but it’s 33.
30:25 – USA Today did a survey on how Americans like their eggs cooked. 5% people like it poached. 19% like them in an omelette, 9% “other,” 34% scrambled, 32% sunny-side up
34:45 – A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology dealt with people’s shared knowledge in group. The conclusion was that people know more than they think they do. Seth’s field research in his own journal called Living finds the exact opposite.
38:26 – A study in the journal Sleep says that elderly sleep issues are a myth. Elderly people don’t have trouble sleeping. Seth never thought that elderly people had trouble sleeping.
40:26 – The National Institute of Health looked at over 140,000 births, comparing data from 1959 deliveries to 2008 deliveries. For the contemporary group, epidural anesthesia is used in more than half of recent deliveries – compared with 4% in the early 1960s. Caesarian delivery is 4 times higher today than it was in years past (12% vs 3%)
39:30 – Dads with post-natal depression are more likely to fix on negatives and be more critical of themselves when talking to their new babies, says research published in the journal Psychological Medicine. “We found there were differences in the way depressed dads talked to their babies compared to fathers without depression.” Thirty-eight fathers, half of whom were depressed, were asked to play with and speak to their 3-month-olds for 3 minutes. The babies were sat in their infant seats and face-to-face interactions were videoed. The researchers found that fathers were more negative about themselves and their infants in their speech in comparison with fathers who weren’t depressed. Their words also focused more on themselves and their experiences and less on their infants. Their examples included, “I’m not able to make you smile.” … “Daddy’s not as good as mommy.” … “Are you tired?” … “Uh-oh, daddy hasn’t lasted very long has he?” … “Can’t think of anything to do all of a sudden.”
45:29 – Women are more likely than men to mistake the gas pedal for the brakes (Episode 029, 55:33), according to the federal safety regulators. The most consistent findings across data sources was the striking overrepresentation of females in pestal misapplication crashes relative to their involvement in all types of crashes, said the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration in a report supporting its proposal this week to require automakers to make brake throttle override systems standard in all vehicles. The override systems help drivers regain control when the vehicle accelerates suddenly. Analysts say the override will stop many instances of sudden acceleration but aren’t likely to prevent people from careening out of control when they step on the wrong pedal.
1:02:58 – It’s a familiar story – you feel a little under the weather, so you rush to WebMD for a self diagnosis. When you leave the sites, you’re convinced your headache and minor nausea must indicate brain cancer. This kind of web-enabled hypochondria, dubbed cyberchondria, is becoming increasingly common as more people visit the internet instead of the doctor’s office. According to a 2009 Pew poll, 61% of Americans use the internet for medical information, and other recent studies have shown wide levels of increased anxiety triggered by this habit. A new study in the April 2012 issue of Psychological Science suggests that the irrational tendency at work in the brains of cyberchondriacs is the exact same irrational tendency at work in the brains of gamblers.
31:25 – The average visitor to some of the nation’s parks and wilderness areas is getting grayer, prompting a new emphasis on getting young people to unplug and head outdoors. “A big concern of the National Park Service is maintaining 21st-century relevance,” says James Graham, a Texas A&M professor writing a book on people park links. Visitors age 16-24 are most underrepresented. The average age of a visitor to Minnesota’s Boundary Waters Canoe Area was 26 in 1969, 36 in 1991 and 45 in 2007. The average age of out-of-state visitors to Glacier and Yellowstone National Park in 2011 was 54 years, says the University of Montana’s Institute for Tourism and Recreation. California’s Death Valley National Park had 49% of spring visitors in 2010 who were 46-65 years old.
43:37 – Members of the U.S. military, especially enlisted troops in the Army and Marines, are significantly more likely to cause auto accidents within six months of returning back to the United States from deployment, according to a study by the USAA Property and Casualty Insurance Group, a major insurer for military families. These veterans are probably engaging in survival driving habits for a war zone such as not stopping in traffic, driving fast and making sudden unpredictable turns. “Things like obeying traffic signals and coming to a full and complete stop – those aren’t good in a war,” said many returning soldiers. One of the insurance adjusters said, “You might see a pothole repair and think nothing of it, but they might see it as an area to avoid because it’s probably where an IED is buried.”
1:01:54 – It’s a part of modern lore that doesn’t reflect well on our species. The idea that as people consume alcoholic beverages, they see those around them as becoming more attractive. It’s known as the “beer goggle” effect, and has been used by members of both genders to help explain sexual escapades with another person that under normal circumstances would not be someone they would consider for such activities. Now new research helps to explain how and why this happens. L.G Halsey, J.W Huber, and J.C Hardwick have published the results of their research on the topic in the journal Addiction, and suggest that one reason people find others more attractive when drinking is because alcohol impairs a person’s ability to detect facial symmetry. The team notes that prior research has shown that a part of what makes people attractive to other people is the degree to which both sides of their face match. The more symmetry, the thinking goes, the better the gene pool, hence the more desirable they are as a potential mate. This they say is one of the major factors that cause someone to see another as someone they would consider bedding. But, the whole system begins to go off the tracks when alcohol is introduced. The researchers found that the more a person consumes, the more trouble they have figuring out symmetry in the faces of those around them, causing them to see everyone as better looking than they would were they sober. This they say, accounts for the “beer goggles” effect. After compiling the results, the team found that those people who were consuming alcohol showed less ability to discern symmetry, and that their abilities grew worse as more alcohol was consumed. They also found that women’s abilities were more strongly impacted than men.
1:04:40 – If you look fondly at the past, enjoy yourself in the present and strive for future goals, you’re likely to be a happy person. Experts said people who manage to balance these time perspectives - and don’t go overboard on any one of them - have found the key to happiness. Study author Ryan Howell from San Francisco State University, said: “If you are too extreme or rely too much on any one of these perspectives, it becomes detrimental, and you can get into very destructive types of behaviors. If you’re really dominant in one type of perspective, you’re very limited in certain situations. To deal well when you walk into any situation, you need to have cognitive flexibility. That is probably why people with a balanced time perspective are happiest.”
32:25 – Millenial shoppers, moreso than parents, are struggling to make ends meet. In a survey, 25% of millenials – those aged 18-34 – reported not having enough money to cover their basic needs, compared to 17% of adults 35-54 and 13% of adults 55 and over, according to a report released Monday by WSL Strategic Retail, a New York-based firm that tracks shopper behavior and retail trends. The internet-based survey also found that 80% of millenials believe it’s important to get the lowest price when shopping. The study of nearly 2,000 conducted for 12 days in December also found that 60% of those 18-34 are likely to choose a lower-priced item over their usual brand if they can save money.
41:57 – Babies as young as 8 months old prefer it when people who commit or condone antisocial acts are mistreated. While previous research shows that babies uniformly prefer kind acts, this new study suggests that 8-month-old infants support negative behavior if it is directed at those who act antisocially and they dislike those who are nice to bad guys.
1:01:00 – Unintentional poisonings for medicines cause more emergency room visits for young children each year than car accidents. One key reason may be that nearly 1 of every 4 grandparents say that they store prescription bottle medicines in easy-access ways, according to a new poll. The University of Michigan –Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health recently asked parents and grandparents of children aged 1-5 about the presence of medicine in their homes and how they are stored. “Every 10 minutes a child in the U.S. is taken to the emergency room because of possible poisoning from swallowing a prescription medicine or over-the-counter medicine.”
1:04:40 – USA Today Snapshots has a Least Physically Active States – the percentage of people who exercise regularly in these states are the lowest: Mississippi, 31.7%; West Virginia – 30.5%; Louisiana – 29.8%; New Mexico – 29.8% and Tennessee – 29.6%.
16:35 – Among married couples who separate, 79% likely will end up divorced. Separation is very common and is more common than immediate divorce, says researcher Dmitry Tumin of Ohio State, who presented findings at the Population Association of America Meeting, which ended here Sunday. Most separations last one year or less, but a few drag on a decade or more before ending in divorce. Many remain unresolved. The decision to separate is driven by time spent in the first marriage and for women by the presence of young children. Those with kids under the age of 5 are more likely to separate first.
23:48 – In the eyes of young college men, it’s more unethical to use steroids to get an edge in sports than it is to use prescription stimulants to enchance one’s grades, according to new research published by the American Psychological Association. Students who had themselves used stimulants without a prescription were more inclined to see such drug use as acceptable, according to the findings, which were published in the APA journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors. This is one of the very first studies to compare off-label use of prescription drugs with the perception of steroids being a performance enhancer for sports. Approximately 1,200 college freshmen at Penn State answered a questionnaire that presented two scenarios: One described “Bill,” a sprinter for his college track team who does not have a lot of time to train before the championship meet and is worried he won't be able to improve. He gets steroids from a friend and ends up performing better than expected and wins the championship race. The second scenario presents “Jeff,” a college student facing midterm exams who is worried that his grades in class may be low. He doesn't have much time to study so he gets some Adderall, a prescription stimulant, from a friend who tells him it will help him focus at exam time. Jeff takes the pills and ends up getting better midterm grades than he expected. After reading both scenarios, the students were asked how strongly they agreed or disagreed with four statements: “Bill/Jeff is a cheater for using steroids/Adderall,” and, “Taking steroids/Adderall was necessary for Bill/Jeff to do well.” Participants significantly rated Bill, the steroid user, as more of a cheater than Jeff, the prescription drug user. This difference got bigger if the students reported having misused prescription stimulants themselves in the past or if they had played a sport.
26:58 – Doctors from the American Society of Interventional Pain Physicians testified before Congress about our country’s prescription pill problem. Americans consume 80% of the opiate pain killers produced in the entire world.
35:55 – People who check their work e-mail regularly exhibit much higher states of stress and less focus than workers who continue to do their jobs while being cut off from e-mail entirely. The study examined the heart rate of workers at a suburban office outside of Boston. Some workers were asked to go about their email-filled days as usual. Others were asked to step away from email for a full five-day work week. The researchers fitted both groups with a wearable heart rate monitor capable of taking measurements second-by-second. Those who checked email were on constant high alert and showed unnatural variable heart rates.
41:38 – USA Today Snapshots: Where do we stash our cash at home? The freezer – 27%; sock – 19%; no good place – 17%; mattress – 11%; and cookie jar – 10%.
51:19 – Just 20 minutes of playing a violent shooting video game made players more accurate when firing a realistic gun at a manikin and more likely to aim for the head of a manikin, a new study found. Players who used the pistol-shaped controller in a shotting video game with human targets had 99% more completed head shots to the manikin than did other participants, as well as 33% more shots that hit other parts of the body. In addition, the study found that participants who reported habitual playing of violent shooting games also were more accurate than others when shooting at the manikin and made more head shots. The study included 151 college students who first completed questionnaires measuring their aggression levels and attitude toward guns and asked about their firearms training, favorite video games, how often they played, etc. They spent 20 minutes playing one of three different video games – a violent game like Resident Evil 4, a nonviolent shooting game like the target practice game in Wii Play or a nonviolent non-shooting game like Mario Galaxy.
]]>0:30 – Jah refers to this as Episode 1/Episode 4
3:42 – Jah talks about Busta Rhymes’ bodyguard being shot by someone in G-Unit during a video shoot
7:13 – We first hear of Jah’s good friend Amir, who is apparently a huge Steelers fan
15:34 – We learn of Seth’s origin from north of Boston – a true Masshole
24:33 – Jonathan talks about his fear of dialing 911: “You get jitters calling it. You’re only supposed to do it, like, if your mom has a knife in her stomach.”
27:51 – We learn of Seth’s vehicle, a Plymouth Sundance
40:48 – We learn of Jah’s brother’s name, Ben
43:14 – Jah used to always order a 24-oz white chocolate dream blended with soy and an add shot with no whip and no fudge swirls at Starbucks
56:45 – We learn that Jah is a dog lover and has rescued dogs
0:01 – First UYD intro song
4:21 – Jonathan says Gonzaga’s Adam Morrison looks exactly like his brother Ben
32:52 – Jonathan rescues dogs
33:24 – The UYD intern, Jennifer, is revealed.
41:23 – Whenever Seth can’t fall asleep, he’ll put on Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise”
42:25 – Jah was looking at buying an ’87 Buick Grand National
48:13 – Seth: “(Something New is) the movie where Sanaa Lathan, that girl from Love & Basketball…” Jah: “OK, she’s dope.”
57:14 – First outro of UYD emerges
0:01 – Distinctive sound quality difference from first two episodes
3:28 - #1 most stolen car in 2005: Honda Civic
17:18 – Googlewhacking: Putting two words into the Google search engine in an attempt to yield a single result
19:59 – Seth can’t fool Jonathan by making up the new Bravo show, “Bravo Company”
27:39 – We learn that Jonathan lives in Sherman Oaks
33:26 – Jah rehashes his drink that he orders at The Coffee Bean: a 24-oz. soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whip and no fudge swirls
1:00:05 – Jonathan is giving up this podcast and smelling for lent
1:10 – Seth wants to know who the girl is on the Live Links commercial
35:04 – Jah admits that he doesn’t always stand to pee
37:27 – Seth hopes the girl from Live Links is named Sarah
51:08 – Seth goes over backmasking
58:34 – Seth still begging for the name of the LiveLinks girl
1:01 – Jah pleads for some e-mails to uhhyeahdude@gmail.com. Says he’s only had one e-mailer so far
1:24 – There were no responses to Seth’s request for the LiveLinks girl, but it’s OK because Willem Dafoe said it’s his favorite podcast
30:31 – New trend called “netbanging” – gangs go on web, create sites, call each other out … East LA home to Clanton gang (www.clantone.net)
49:29 – Seth would rather be deaf than blind; Jonathan is the complete opposite. This sparks an argument between them. Jah could still make music if he’s blind. Jah would also rather lose the sense of smell than touch, but Seth says that is crazy.
58:31 – Who should they dedicate this show to?
0:15 – One of the longest gaps of silence (20 seconds) on UYD
2:53 – UYD is rising up the charts of Podcast Alley. They are just ahead of the podcast Youth Vibes but are still behind Treks & Sci-Fi
39:42 – zillow.com – put in any address/zip, get all history on property, etc.
1:01 – Jah says it’s pretty bleak out there as far as podcasts go. He’s finding a lot of informative things, but he hasn’t found anything that’s truly funny
1:37 – Seth announces that UYD just passed Yeast Radio in the Podcast Alley rankings; Jah made eye contact with that drag queen in the last podcast convention and told him/her that they were coming after him/her. Seth says they won’t get too cocky because they haven’t passed the Buffcast
27:25 – We learn that Seth shares a birthday with Asia Argento – September 20
59:44 – Seth starts his list of weird synonyms for the internet, calling it the “ether-face-net-web.”
5:35 – UYD has passed Anime Pulse on PodcastAlley to get to No. 142, but they’re still behind Crybaby Emo Kids.
11:38 – Fire departments encourage people to change batteries in smoke detectors when they change clocks b/c of convenient reminder – sound advice, just like the advice they received from their fan Dave
20:35 – Seth is the only person Jah knows who has a subscription to Playboy
22:01 – Buck Owens obit (former host of Hee Haw) – wasn’t feeling well and was going to leave Crystal Palace when a couple fans told him they came all the way from Oregon to see him. “If somebody’s gonna come all this way, I’m going to do the show and give it my best shot.” After performing whole show, he drove home and died in his sleep
37:00 – East Coast vs. West Coast terminology rehash: Water fountain vs. bubbler discussion, then into P.E. vs. gym class
39:48 – Bathtub that James Earl Ray stood in to shoot MLK Jr. has been sold on eBay for $7,600 to Golden Palace Casino
8:24 – Jah: You know how you can tell you’re in a bad neighborhood? The billboards stay up forever.
9:20 – Rims discussion: “Deuce-deuces” are 22-inch rims. “Deuce McAllisters” are 26-inch rims because his jersey number is 26
12:17 – UYD has fallen behind Coffee Geek podcast but has surpassed Catholic Rockers – the best in Catholic rock bands
30:06 – Seth still wants to know who’s in the LiveLinks spot
38:33 – Jah reveals his man crush on Paul Newman, talking about him beating Jay Leno: “He’s a RACER!”
54:25 – Jonathan insists he would still rather be blind than deaf b/c then he couldn’t hear Seth’s sweet voice every week
13:11 – UYD just passed the official Lost Podcast, but they are right behind Lostcasts.
19:14 – April 20 is National High Five Day
38:26 – Seth mentions a documentary that will appear on Lifetime called Searching for Angela Shelton, a woman who traveled the country meeting women who knew her name. It turned out that a lot of women with her namesake suffered emotionally and physically. Seth and Jonathan met her at the 2004 Air Guitar Championships (under the name “Cherry Vanilla”) at The Roxy on Sunset Boulevard. This footage is captured in the documentary Air Guitar Nation, which Jah and Seth appear in briefly
43:53 – Do some of these bands really need tribute bands? Barenaked Ladies (The Fully-Clothed Gents), Mike & The Mechanics (The Living Years), Evanescence (Pumpkin), Spinal Tap (Wood, Dark Queen, Spinal Pap), Live (Freaks), Bad Company (The Pack, The Merchants, Gin Blossoms (Allison Road), Godsmack (15 different tribute bands) – Godsmack started out as a tribute band to Alice In Chains
2:52 – Jonathan is wearing some crazy Crocs in Seth’s studio
10:48 – UYD has passed Karatecast on Podcast Alley, but is behind Metro Moment. Seth: “Do you mean homo moment? Croc moment?”
11:41 – Jah doing a segue: “I found a podcast….” Seth: “UYD? I did too. Or did it find me? Thank you Jesus.” Basically the podcast is a forum for teen boys to get sexual advice from a creepy British prick - TBSA.libsyn.com – stands for Teenage Boys Sexual Advice (14:52)
33:25 – During Walter Clyde “Puggy” Pearson obit, Jah interrupts: “What does that mean? The master of aces and kings?”
53:07 – Seth reveals Jah’s wife’s name - Justine
1:01:44 – Jah features the fruity weird guy from the TBSA.libsyn.com (Teenage Boys Sexual Advice) talking for the outro.
16:33 – UYD has fallen behind The Star Wars Chronicles podcast but just took over Manic Mommies
24:26 – Jah interjects that Adam Curry coined the term “podcast”
52:37 – Famous last meals before death penalty. Jonathan declares he does not like this segment, and says the image of Timothy McVeigh eating two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream could, on the wrong day, actually make Jonathan cry
2:11 – Jah apologizes for last week’s technical difficulties
4:39 – Jah tries and fails at doing a really bad Paul Reiser impersonation
59:42 – Seth still wants to know who the LiveLinks chick is
2:00 – Being a boarding school guy, care packages are clutch for Jonathan
5:45 – Jah: “What’s going on with cocaine? Coke is everywhere!”
1:00:48 – Apparently UYD is helping people carve it out at the gym – America’s #1 gym talk show
2:26 – Seth and Jonathan are eating Doritos Kryptonite and their strength has diminished tremendously in the last half-hour
34:13 – Seth doesn’t like it when people put the incorrect emphasis on the wrong syllable, which Jah admits to doing.
30:18 – Jonathan’s Rick Ross ringtone
33:19 – Seth and Jah have a window set up outside the studio so all the kids in the neighborhood can line up outside
33:27 – A sign of things to come in Episode 100 – Jah: “We don’t vidcast…” Seth: “Yet!”
43:45 – Seth’s grandmother lives in Seminole, Fla., but returns to Massachusetts for the summer. The shows during the summer are a little looser and more funny because Seth is more relaxed with her being away from Florida
51:48 – Huell Howser sent Seth a postcard saying he wanted to name a veggie hot dog at Pink’s after UYD
55:47 – Jah loves his son Jimmy
0:33 – QB for Tennessee – Jim Bob Cooter
27:10 – Seth elaborates on wanting to make out with Brangelina’s baby (“I would drench it in Pedialyte and mack on that baby for like an hour in the balcony at a mommy and me screening. Mommy and me? Mommy and YOU!”)
14:53 – Episode 019 is brought to you by Deet
16:17 – Seth flashes his Brady Bunch knowledge by citing Episode #53, “The Wheeler-Dealer,” and the original air date, Oct. 8, 1971. Jah confirms that Seth is consulting no text to state this fact
34:28 – Jah’s phone has rang 5 times since the show has started
55:25 – Seth ponders: “What’s more impossible? To never have been into a Starbucks or to never have seen Titanic?” Jah: “Categorically, Starbucks.”
1:00:28 – Jonathan announces the implementation of a voicemail for listeners
1:00:40 – Seth spells it out for the first time: H-O-L-L-Y-W-U-Y-D
0:01 – Robotic voice announces the voicemail number – 888-842-2357
9:14 – Jah: “How about a podcast that has no internet access?”
12:19 – Seth introduces us to fluffernutters – marshmallow fluff is egg whites, corn syrup, sugar and vanilla flavoring, put it on Wonder Bread, put peanut butter on other side and you’ve got a fluffernutter
20:15 and 25:12 – Seth ponders: Is it inappropriate to whistle at an attractive woman? Seth prefers whistle, J-dog prefers “SsssMOKIN!” (21:59)
31:55 – Jah gets super violent: “Hit her. Hit her. Hit her. HIT HER!”
43:26 – Seth: “That’s the circle of life. Hakuna Matata? Is that the circle of life?”
46:40 – We learn Jah’s full name: Jonathan Preston Larroquette
5:54 – It’s America’s weekend. Seth: “…we taught that empire a lesson on who’s the boss.” Jonathan: “When we Tony Danza’d the Brits.”
15:13 – Seth’s Plymouth Sundance is a 1993 model
19:22; 42:07 – Seth blows it for J-dog by revealing that he is married
25:52 – More pizzas delivered to homes than any other night in U.S. history – OJ Simpson Bronco chase
46:33 – Seth gives Jah the opportunity to plug his and Amir’s band, Jogger, but Jah refuses to do it
59:23 – Who do you want to call before we disembowel you? “8-8-8 … 8-4-2 … 2-3-5-seeeeeveNN!”
16:37 – Jah eats his first-ever fluffernutter sandwich before the show. Jah enjoyed his first one, then loved his second one with extra fluff
0:00 – Contrary to what will be said on the show in Episode 023, there will be an episode the following week
15:34 – Random song starts playing in the background
29:29 – Jah’s sister is getting married to Sean
29:44 – Jah is sweating so much because it’s burning up in Seth’s apartment
31:37 – Jah is part of a didgeridoo circle. “One of things we like to say is there’s didgeridoos, and there’s didgeridont’s. And I like to consider myself a didgeridoo.”
52:03 – Hip hop community not dancing anymore, so it will eventually get to the point where it’s just “Curl Your Lips! … Digest! … Just blink!”
20:49 – Lean recipe (promethazine w/ codeine, original Sprite, jolly rancher candy)
30:27 – Seth: “Think about it. Nicole Richey is on the Simple Life and she runs that convenience store on The Simpsons. It’s amazing how they have the time!”
37:30 – Jah incorrectly states that Tempe is the capital of Arizona. It is Phoenix.
39:12 – One lucky UYD listener will be entered in a sweepstakes to win $10. Jah changes the payment to $25 at 41:52
44:14 – Seth names the 5 things every person needs that, if they have, they can go anywhere in the world: Core Control Temperature Cooler, defibulator, chapstick, a pack of gum and a tampon
0:50 – George, a newlywed from Queens NY wins the 25th anniversary special
3:17 – Introduction to zabasearch.com
25:38 – Prime phone swallowing material (PSM) This is what’s Jah’s gonna say when he sees a hot lady walking down the street: “She’s a PSM”
36:00 – Prison pruno recipe (take 10 peeled oranges and 1 8-oz bowl of fruit cocktail, squeeze fruit into small plastic bag, put juice with mash. Add 16 ounces of water, place bag in sink, heat for 15 mins with hot water, keep towels around bag for fermentation, stash bag in cell for 48 hours. Take bag out, add 40-60 cubes of white sugar, add 6 tsp. of ketchup, seal bag, put back in sink, heat in running water for 30 mins. Wrap it up, put it away for 72 hours. Reheat for 15 mins every day for three days. Skim off mash at top of bag, pour remaining portion into 2 18-oz cups, drink very quickly)
59:51 – Jonathan announces the implementation of the UYD website – predicts it will be up within 24-48 hours of when the listener is hearing this show
3:55 – www.uhhyeahdude.com is now up and running. Jah: “Your center, your HQ for everything UYD.”
33:21 – Seth begs for phone calls: “Somebody call. Call. Call. Call. Call. Just call.”
13:04 – Jonathan talks about Costco’s lifetime full return policy – Amir bought a $350 tube TV three years ago, walked in this week and they gave him $350 cash
33:59 – Seth talks about his 7-year-old daughter, Vanessa
42:54 – Ten years ago there were 2 million pay phones; now there are 1 million
0:24 – They have finally found and arrested Haley Joel Osment’s killer
20:48 – We hear a police siren in the background of the UYD studio
42:12 – J & S improvise a jingle for Pepsi Jazz that will later be jacked by Pepsi
52:40 – SORIS – scans irises of sex offenders
56:25 – Jonathan on a hunger strike and loses 38 pounds
54:12 – We learn the identity of Seth’s mother, Marsha
19:37 – Jah tells UYD callers that if you’ve covered your bases on the UYD voicemail, don’t call back and wrap up your previous ramblings
4:56 – Biggest party schools in the country (1. Texas, also UCSB, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Evergreen, UMass) High Times biggest weed schools (1. Maryland, also Colorado, Rhode Island, Florida State, Evergreen)
18:43 – Jah lights up on air for the first time (lighter audible at 19:06). He claims that he does not plan to make a habit of this whilst recording. Seth thinks he should continue to do it
41:08 – Seth ponders, what is the dipping sauce for balls?
0:21 – This week’s show brought to you by Playboy: Entertainment for Men
9:06 – Seth uses the same make and model microphone as Bob Barker – bought at an estate sale of the late Rod Roddy
2:03 – Jah requests Abraham Benrubi to play him in the UYD ABC Movie of the Week; Seth want Corin Nemec to play him; Sandra Bullock will play Jennifer the UYD intern
38:44 – Seth has never eaten a fruitcake and Jah hasn’t met anyone who likes them
1:01:05 – Seth: “I get a large coffee with two shots of espresso, it costs $2.90. How much do you think said coffee was in October of ’95.” Jah: “$1.25.” Seth: “FUCK YOU!”
9:11 – We learn that Seth has a degree in Communications from a good school (Emerson) and graduated before the internet
0:01 – Hilarious intro mocking other podcast intros
33:12 – Jah’s handwriting is the equivalent of a failed graffiti artist and a 9-year-old
1:01:14 – Jah feels like Seth had so much flavor this episode but Jah didn’t bring any of his A game
0:43 – Jonathan’s voice is all jacked up: “I’m very under the weather so I apologize for the snot in my timber.”
1:14 and 4:15 – Seth announces there will be no episode the following week because he is going in for testing on his DPR
9:18 – Seth gives us Seinfeld’s routine from the Comedy Central Night of Too Many Stars Autism Benefit
29:06 – Seth apologizes to all gay UYD listeners for using offensive terminology like “fruit,” “faggot,” etc.
41:43 – Jonathan declares that “loud pipes save lives”
51:46 – Massachusetts city bans playing tag – Jonathan thought he was talking about TAG body spray
15:26 – Seth reveals that he does not know what a SIM card is
6:41 – Jah watches a movie called The Cookout and walks away from it feeling fairly confused, utterly unentertained and really curious about how movies like this continue to get made
16:24 – Jonathan and Seth’s favorite day is Black Friday. On this day in 2005 they decided to start UYD. On the way to buy ionizers at The Sharper Image, they were gridlocked in traffic they discussed how they could talk about our life, country and culture – UYD is what they came up with.
25:16 – Jah hears something and wonders if there’s someone else in the apartment
32:14 and 32:22 – Jonathan’s horrible Boston accent
38:34 – Seth and Jonathan play golf every Sunday, Jah also plays every Wednesday
39:35 – Seth had lice once and Jonathan twice as kids
0:01 – Jonathan, Seth and UYD Nation are first to wish Mr. Larroquette a happy birthday
6:55 – This is the unofficial 1-year anniversary for UYD, because Thanksgiving of 2005 was the period of time when they decided to do the show. Seth: “This is UYD at its zenith.”
21:23 – Jah says he used to be able to distinguish the different colors of M&Ms; in 5th and 6th grade. Says he will put it to the test on air at some point
51:24 – Seth first proposes adopting a small black boy as his great-grandson and naming him Jeff
13:38 – Seth places mistletoe above Jonathan in studio
30:58 – Seth requests someone to send him the song “Too Much Time On My Hands” by Styx
39:47 – Jah talks about the urban legend of Las Vegas pumping pure oxygen into casinos to make people stay super awake and hang out and gamble
42:22 – Jah and Seth introduce the new scent of UYD: vanilla, sandalwood and lyme. Seth: “That’s a delicious fragrance; what are you wearing? I’m wearing UYD. What are you listening to? I’m listening to UYD. What are you watching? I’m watching UYD. Why are you fighting? We’re fighting for UYD. But you’re in a parking lot at Pavilions. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. Big whoop. It don’t matter to me. Fallujah, Vine Street, I don’t give a fuck. I fight for freedom … and UYD.”
43:24 – Seth and Jah compare East Coast vs. West Coast terminology: jimmies vs. sprinkles, bubblers vs. water fountains, pigpiles vs. dogpiles, gym vs. P.E., recess vs. nutrition, tonic vs. soda
19:57 – We learn Seth’s brother’s name, Max
37:42 – Seth announces his new name for the internet, the “monsterweb.”
45:23 – Jonathan says Christmas music sends him to the darkest place ever, while Seth says the Charlie Brown Christmas music freaks him out
51:36 – Jah is in the LA Weekly this week, with some of his poetry quoted in it
33:23 – Seth dips back in to his desire to want a great-grandson named Jeff
21:38 – Seth was a latchkey kid – came home from school, key would be left out for him, and he would be left alone to watch Inspector Gadget until his mom came home from work
28:53 – Jonathan Larroquette is Time magazine’s “Man of the Year”
36:16 – Just like Rocky Balboa rescued a dog, Jonathan Larroquette has rescued dogs
41:36 – Seth’s improv’ed “Minds, eyes hearts and cocks” jingle cracks Jah-man up
59:38 – Another Seth shout-out to Jeff, his black great-grandson
0:48 – Jah and Seth are sitting Indian-style on a nice Afghan rug in their Christmas cashmere turtlenecks, looking back and reflecting on the antics of 2006.
36:07 – Jah can’t think of Garth Brooks’ alter-ego until Seth reveals it, Chris Gaines, at the 37:35 mark
36:24 – Jah rocks a Bobby McFerrin ditty, “Blackbird”
44:45 – Seth and Jah try to figure out what kind of a website they could create in ’07 to have a streamlined niche market. Jah suggests fat people grocery shopping. They will name it “Chubbb Grubbb,” or www.chubbbgrubbb.com
47:55 – Jonathan buys Seth an Audix OM2 microphone for Christmas – it’s his second-best Christmas gift ever, next to his Haro BMX: "Hey, how’s your Haro, Seth? Well, it’s pretty awesome, world. Well harooo, Haro.”
0:01 – No intro song can be heard
0:13 – This show is brought to us by McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts
8:07 – Seth announces his affinity for the Dallas Cowboys
31:26 – Jonathan creams over the iPhone
36:01 – Jah ponders what the movie Fuck looks like on the 108-inch Sharp LCD
1:01:23 – First plug for donating to show
1:57 – UYD thanks the three listeners who donated to the show in the first full week of accepting donations to keep the show running ($10 = Community Builder; $25 = Hope Giver; $50 = Dream Catcher; $100 = Miracle Maker)
44:36 – Technical difficulties on UYD
53:59 – Seth wants to know the lyrics from Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55”
2:33 – Jah’s father told him not to put on headphones for the podcast because he’ll fall in love with his own voice
43:08 – Seth repeats the phrase Jah taught him in Episode 036 – “Loud pipes save lives.” Jah: “And clean needles.”
43:41 – Danny Finegood obit – as part of his environmental sculpture at his Cal State-Northridge class, he changed the Hollywood sign to read HOLLYWEED
0:33 – Jah busts out “Drift Away” by Dobie Gray, botches the lyrics and can’t figure out who sings it
18:43 – Jonathan and Seth watch unrated version of The Marine with John Cena – they declare it “awesome.”
39:28 – Jonathan’s dad was supposed to be on board the helicopter that crashed on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie (killed 2 people), but his car got stolen and he couldn’t be there
26:15 – Jonathan lashes back at voicemail callers who are correcting him, telling him it’s “Give me the beat boys…” Jah says it’s “Give me the Beach Boys” by Desmond Tutu
0:17 – Ask, believe, receive: It’s The Secret.
26:16 – Seth: “That’s the circle of life. Hakuna matata. What does hakuna matata mean?” Jonathan: “The circle of life.”
0:21 – This episode is brought to us by Team UYD
9:50 – Seth explains the following foods: ants on a log, elephant ears, bear claws, egg cream, Hawaiian pizza, swiss roll, and London broil
17:42 – Seth gives up hate for lent. Every New Year’s and every lent he gives it up.
36:46 – Seth realizes that hakuna matata means “no worries.”
50:30 – Jahnathan qualifies as a “bear.” A panda bear is an Asian guy, a cub is a young bear, an otter is a thin bear, Tony Soprano is the king of all bears. Jah originally thought a bear was an LL Bean lumberjack.
55:53 – Seth still wants to know the “I Can’t Drive 55” lyrics
0:19 – Seth finally gets his wish, to hear lyrics from “I Can’t Drive 55” by Sammy Hagar
6:04 – Seth wonders if people still go dutch on the dating scene
10:19 – We learn that Jonathan needs a big King bed because his dogs sleep on the bed with him
0:31 – Jah and Seth are podcasting live from South by Southwest in Austin TX
22:45 – Seth wishes his mother a wonderful trip to Italy, where she will be listening to the show will fellow Romans
43:43 – Jah sleeps in the raw; Seth sleeps in a sweatshirt and a parka as his bottom
44:57 – Jah’s friends Alley Mills and Orson Beane have separate houses in Venice side-by-side, connected by a tunnel
58:44 – Seth has seen “Blood In Blood Out… Bound By Honor” three times in the theaters.
12:35 – Jah’s depth charge ringtone goes off
50:47 – Jonathan needs help with data recovery because in a fury he kicked one of his hard drives when it was plugged in and on, and he’s lost his entire music library with 80 gigabytes of tunes
0:11 – An early start time for UYD – 9:19 p.m.
2:04 – Seth reveals that he has an 8-year-old brother
38:49 – Nicotine Anonymous refers to abstinence from smoking as “smobriety.” Jah: I mean, I was in this parking lot and this woman, she cut me off she took my spot and I got so angry, but then I just said – you know what? I’m not going to let her fuck with my smobriety. … Instead of Hi I’m John, I’m a smoking addict, they’re like, You’re an asshole! (39:39)
40:37 – When Jonathan gets dressed around midday, he says to himself, “Do I look sexy, but not sexual?” Seth says the opposite: “Do I look sexual, but not sexy?”
0:12 – This is their hands-down favorite best week of voicemails ever, and Jah dedicates the show to April and new starts
10:15 – Seth ponders how Jonathan has such beautiful hands
11:47 – UYD hired a demographic group to figure out who listens to UYD. They sat down with a team and they said “We’ve found your demographic. You know who listens to UYD? People that are awesome.” And then they threw a three-ring binder at them and walked out
16:55 – Seth celebrates 5 years of sobriety
21:12 – Jah knows someone, Tim, who got Chlamydia of the eye – only 2 ways you can get it: 1) insect carrying it gives it to you; or 2) rubbing on some Chlamydia-infested snatch
37:45 – Jonathan tries to keep talking with three cigarettes in his mouth. Seth: “That’s awesome information, probably impossible for our listeners to hear, because you’re chewing tobacco on the right side of your mouth and you have a cigarette on the left.” Jah: “Every time I say Johnny Cash I want to smoke, I don’t know why.”
27:21 – Phone rings and Seth thinks it’s the scientologists coming for him. Seth: “Oh my god… well, 61 was a good run. Thank you.”
29:08 – Jonathan says homeless people are disgusting – comment comes back to haunt him in Episode 062
33:32 – Seth goes over Madden Curse
1:00:46 – Jah is wearing pink argyle socks
0:14 – Next week’s show will be done on Thursday and available on Friday
3:19 – Jonathan gets heat for the homeless comment: “Hey man – what’s your problem with homeless people? That’s not funny.”
10:23 – A lot of listeners chime in about knowing “Our God Is An Awesome God” and saying it was the jam
13:25 – Seth can’t stand Jonathan discarding index cards on the floor of the UYD studio and feels compelled to walk over, pick it up and put it in its proper place for archiving purposes. Seth says it’s because he’s not used to the show being recorded on Thursday night
14:10 – Jah talks about the new blood pressure machines being the grossest thing ever. “It just feels like an oddly compromised position to put yourself in in public view.” It’s the same people who lay in massage chairs and get their germs all over them. The only things Jah is down with are the public take-a-nap places you can rent in Japan
30:25 – The first song Jah learned on the guitar was “Heard It Through The Grapevine”
33:23 – Seth can’t believe that Famous Amos and Mrs. Fields fucked
44:46, 54:02 and 59:07 – Seth and Jonathan talk about Xtenz infomercial: “BIGGER!”
51:20 – Sting can do tantric face yoga to where his face cums for an hour straight. Seth: “Why is Sting’s face cumming for so long?”
0:01 – Audio quality is distinctively lessened
28:33 – Jonathan is convinced he’s never seen a black person with Down’s syndrome, then incorrectly states that 1 out of every 10 has it
58:34 – Seth is going to see Lucky You because his plan is to see how many Drew Barrymore rom-coms he can see this year and walk out of
3:19 – Jonathan was duped by Seth last week by the Grateful Dead song “Gentlemen Start Your Engines,” which Jonathan reads the lyrics of
5:55 – Jonathan clarifies his incorrect Down’s syndrome fact – incidence rate in African American and Caucasian children is 1 per 600-700 live births, rather than 1 in 10
33:59 – Commercials for KFC during the Kentucky Derby saying “we’re #1 in China!” going apeshit
53:30 – People on website say Seth looks and sounds like David Spade and Jonathan looks like a young Norm Peterson from Cheers. Jah will concede the Norm comparison but Seth isn’t down with being compared to the Spade-dog: Seth: “David Spade? So I look like a female marionette puppet with a fake wig? Thanks listeners. Appreciate it.”
14:19 – Seth thinks he and Jonathan should be cast on Cavemen playing bi-curious radio DJs who live next door to the cavemen
15:54 – Jah wants his dad to go on Conan and somehow work in a UYD plug
22:34 – Seth takes a swig of his Diet Coke Plus: “That’s vitamins and minerals.”
48:29 – Jonathan ponders, why do people laugh when babies cry?
50:49 – Most popular babies names: girl’s name at lowest level since 1950s? Katrina.
1:00:04 – UYD does an hour-long show. The first show they did that they never uploaded was 3 hours long; the second show was 22 minutes long. They decided to split the difference. Seven of their shows didn’t air.
1:01:01 – Jonathan gets feedback on new show upload time from listener Sonny, lying on the beach watching a fisherman and listening to UYD – loving the new UYD vibe
31:55 – Seth has no question that he has seen every single episode of The Dukes of Hazzard. We first learn of Seth’s notebook decked out with REO Speedwagon, AC/DC and a journal entry about the Dukes of Hazzard
43:54 – Seth goes back to his theory that whistling at women is appropriate, while Jonathan does “SSSMMMOKIN!” (first mentioned in Episode 020, 20:15)
47:01 – Brattleboro, VT – public nudity legal
59:37 – After a day of work, Jonathan would not let anyone go anywhere near his genitals without having a shower first
16:44 – Jonathan sees a bumper sticker that reads: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
5:07 – Jah’s current drink of choice at Starbucks? Iced venti quad soy latte
38:41 – Seth has been in LA for 12 years and is still waiting for an earthquake. He arrived in January of 1995, and the last big one was in January of 1994
42:25 – Seth moonwalks live on UYD. Jah loses it: “You can totally fucking moonwalk! Seth just moonwalked! I’m not kidding you guys, that was a solid moonwalk.” Seth says he will cripwalk next show
47:17 – The Netflix queue is tearing couples apart – going into the queue, logging on and changing the order
1:00:02 – Jah and Seth request all angel investors making over $250,000 a year to simply give it to UYD
1:02:34 – Seth makes one request to potential UYD voicemail callers: no beatboxing. “I had a beatboxing incident as a boy. I was almost killed by a beatboxer. I was raped and left for dead. So the sound of beatboxing takes me back to the rape.” Jah confirms: “I had to witness Seth listening to that beatboxing voicemail and the shuddering, sweating and tearing that occurred…”
0:37 – Jah: “Do you know what material can scratch a diamond?” Seth: “A fine piece of silk.” Jah: “Only a diamond can scratch or scuff another diamond.”
23:18 – Jonathan reads his book report on A Clockwork Orange, titled “You Can’t Blame the Youth.” An excerpt: “The book takes place at a time in the future when the world’s youth has gone mad. It’s much like the gang problem we are running into today. …”
35:48 – Seth and Jonathan both have plus-ones to Lindsey Lohan’s birthday party, and request listeners to submit all the reasons why they should take you to the party. Seth: “Type us a report.” Jah: “And by type a report we mean send us pictures of your tits.”
36:19 – Jonathan ponders: Do guys who take crazy hormones and grow boobs – are they susceptible to breast cancer?
42:11 – Seth’s cell phone rings in the studio
1:01:49 – Seth and Jonathan ponder having a celebrity guest on UYD
5:45 – We learn the name of Jah’s high school, Verde Valley School in Sedona, AZ
10:35 – Lindsey Lohan cancels her birthday party, throwing Jah and Seth off
26:00 – Jonathan holds both microphones and talks into them as Seth goes to bust open a Twinkie. Seth loves it, and says it reminds him of sitting in Havana, Cuba, eating a Twinkie off the tree: “They hate us for our OG Twinkies”
47:21 – Jah and Seth try to figure out the difference between fraternal and identical twins, except they keep saying “paternal” and “maternal” and confuse the hell out of themselves and UYD listeners
48:33 – Seth thinks Jonathan should be the resident UYD Doctor, after the way he tried to explain the types of twins and how he thinks 1 in 10 black people have Down’s Syndrome (Episode 063, 28:33)
51:54 – Jonathan asks if everyone has by this point figured out that the news items Jah reads are simply things Seth has written down for him in advance
9:12 – Jah gives a shout-out to a local listener, April
17:17 – Seth’s first reference to “High Net Worth” on CNBC
21:33 – Jah drops it on Seth: “Do you know you admitted to committing a felony on last week’s show? You opened Jay Leno’s mail.” Seth: “Fuck!”
49:38 – Jah reveals Apple’s official street address: 1 Infinite Loop
25:10 – Seth’s little diversion into singing “Baker Street” puzzles both of them as to who sings it. They later discover that it is Gerry Rafferty at 31:40 and speak/sing lyrics
29:12 – Jah gives a shout-out to Zach and Leanna in Chicago
29:34 and 30:47 – Jah’s depth charge ringtone
30:21 – Jah explains the Cold Stone forearms – they whip it together so hard that they all get jacked up. Jah only gets hand jobs from young girls who work there b/c they’re so strong
31:01 – Jah knows of 2 people who have iPhones with UYD on them and wants a picture of it
1:02:29 – Props to MadCowPirate.com’s positive review on May 5, 2007
0:43 – We don’t need another hero; we don’t need another way home; all we need is life beyond Thunderdome
1:44 – It seems that every state in the union is being represented on the UYD voicemail – Hawaii, Juneau, Alaska. Jah: “We’ve got hoes in different area codes.”
49:50 – Jah saw an article on Hanson in US Weekly and it gave him a full panic attack
1:01:39 – Jah: “If you want to go to the fucking website, you fuckers…” Both start laughing
23:53 – Seth would never go skydiving and would never go bungee jumping. A UYD listener went skydiving for her birthday and Jonathan thought that was awesome – the closest he’s ever come is riding Colossus at Magic Mountain. Seth hates roller coasters too.
50:32 – Jonathan fails miserably at his Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation
1:03:44 – Jonathan teases us by telling us we will have awesome UYD t-shirts
1:05:24 – Jah encourages listeners to go into Apple Stores and subscribe to UYD through iTunes at those stores
51:29 – What’s Tuesday, August 7, 2007? Jah’s 30th birthday
53:24 – J & S continue to refer to “hakuna matata” as “the circle of life.”
1:03:24 – Banging on wall of Seth’s apartment indicates that he’s being too loud (Seth: “I guess when your dog barks for the next 12 hours and I’ve not said anything over the last six months I just… that’s cool, but I guess if I’m talking about the world a little too loud, I’m sorry in the studio.”
1:04:12 – UYD listener in Chicago subscribed to 50% of the computers at the Apple Store in Chicago
33:34 – Jah’s iPhone comes to life
1:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to Cassie and Crow for the dope birthday gift they sent him. It’s a giant rubber ball with Chris Hansen from TCAP drawn on it with a Sharpie, and it was sent through the post office as is.
7:33 – Seth came up with his DJ name: DJ Talent. Jah, jealous of his friend’s DJ name, steals it for himself: DJ R23PO
9:55 – Jah gives a Forum update. One listener asks if Jah’s dad was in Chicago because he thinks he saw him, but Jah dispels this rumor. Another listener responds, saying they had their own celebrity sighting, spotting Seth Romatelli in Fish Without A Bicycle. Another listener says they found him in IMDB as being in Crossroads with Britney Spears: “Please tell me he hit that.” Seth’s only reply: “People are talking. Technology is running amuck.”
14:09 – Seth wonders if the static electricity discharge thing at gas pumps is true or BS. Jah thinks it’s bullshit.
15:17 – UYD listener Mike calls Jah a hippie-crite: “Vegan/smoker, environmentalist/car fanatic. When was the last time you replaced a car trip with a bicycle or just walked there? I can’t wait to hear your self-righteous hatred of AT&T when you get your paper-wasting 20-page bill for your iPhone. By the way I love the show. I found you about Episode 020 and I’ve listened to every one. Every time I ride my bike past Gold’s Gym I remember the story about some first grader that had cocaine and some other kids that had a grenade, because I was listening to the show when they were replacing the Gold’s Gym sign, and now the two are welded together forever in my brain.”
45:20 – Jah reveals that they lost half of a show tonight
56:17 – Seth’s cross-country trip where he recorded the high score on Gallaga on every arcade in the nation. Seth: “What three letters did I punch in?” Jah: “UYD.” Seth: “Actually I did RMA for Roma, but next time.”
0:25 – Jah wishes a happy birthday to UYD listener Joaquin, the drummer for the band Hello Stranger. He is currently in Pittsburgh after just playing there
3:04 – Jonathan gets some Doritos Collisions, which they both sample in the studio
15:11 – Jah: “This must be disgusting hearing me talking with full cock mouth like glug, glug…”
55:37 – Jah notices that as the show has become more popular, people get a little nervous when they call and leave voicemail messages.
58:50 – Jah gets trippy thinking about the fact that Lucas Black and Billy Bob Thornton starred together in Sling Blade along with country star Dwight Yoakum, while Black and Thornton also teamed up in Friday Night Lights along with country star Tim McGraw.
2:07 – Jonathan’s random diversion about the Koosh Ball leaves Seth mindfucked
2:26 – Depth charge ringtone goes off
8:58 – New fried foods at Texas State Fair (fried cookie dough, fried guacamole, deep-fried latte)
59:51 – Seth explains PodcastAlley to listeners like it’s a new revelation
1:02:27 – Seth’s computer is really old; he’ll go to websites and nothing will load
19:08 – University of Pittsburgh reports that 10% of fourth graders have already had their first alcoholic beverage
44:06 – Seth wonders if it’s cool to pour peanuts in your Sunkist like he saw an old college football coach do on TV
1:37 – UYD got a new twist this week on the voicemails – drunk dialing. The wasted dude told Jah he could beat Jonathan’s highly modified 2003 Volkswagen GTI with his 2002 Civic SI. Nobody wanted to step to Seth’s Plymouth Sundance, however
5:32 – UYD listener Zach wants to ask Leanna to Homecoming so he can get some brain
8:10 – Seth keeps working on the UYD theme song – he’s been working on it for 82 episodes
10:54 – Seth and Jah delve back into East Coast/West Coast terminology: pigpile/dogpile; recess/nutrition; bubbler/water fountain; gym/P.E.
0:50 – Jonathan and Seth didn’t hear any of the voicemails because Jonathan forgot to pay the phone bill again
13:06 – This show is being brought to you by Vivaxa – gives you both timing and control
48:30 – Jonathan wishes Seth a happy birthday even though it’s technically no longer his birthday
51:58 – Seth ponders, why does every place he sees say COLDEST BEER IN TOWN?
2:15 – Jah wants to blow the roof off UYD by handing out his personal phone number – 323-481-4422. One stipulation: In order to call him, you must get one friend to subscribe to the show
8:28 – If you call Jah, more than likely he’ll be on the driving range taking lessons from Roger Dunn
9:07 – Seth asks Jah if he’s ever heard of the reggae song “Sweat” by Inner Circle but Jah isn’t familiar with it. Jah stopped listening to Inner Circle when Jacob Miller died. Seth wants to know if the song is advocating rape or any kind of sexual deviancy or abuse
18:47 – Jah apologizes for the smoke detector going off in Episode 083. Seth says Jah went out at 3 a.m. and basically ripped the battery out of the detector
49:49 – Seth still receives Playboy magazine and reads the articles. If you paid Jah $1,000, he couldn’t even get an erection flipping through the magazine, much less successfully beat off. He says he would have better luck beating off to a Harpo magazine (really an O magazine).
53:10 – Jah wants to know if dudes use lube, spit palm or dry palm to jerky jerk
57:38 – The only cities UYD rocks it in are Sedona, Albuquerque, L.A. and Vegas
59:08 – Young man in Topeka, Kan., named Alex, goes to Topeka High and has nothing but good things to say about UYD and UYD nation. Seth says he sounds like he’s a straight-A student
1:00:00 – Jah asks listeners to tell him how to add pictures to the podcast so people aren’t blankly staring at text or nothing when they’re listening to the show
0:33 – Seth bought Radiohead’s new album, and paid two pence
2:52 – Jonathan says he got the best calls and texts as a result of giving out his personal cell phone number. He tried to call the dude back from Egypt but couldn’t get through. He also gives a “big-ups” to Jessica from Virginia who was feeling a little left out
11:14 – Seth asks Jonathan not to spin the microphone like a baton when he’s talking into it
17:35 – We learn that Seth has a Braille Playboy sitting in his studio – Vol. 25, April 1978 issue
27:26 – Jah: “I think this episode is an official disaster.” Seth predicts that when he listens to it tomorrow he will say, “Good work guys.”
27:54 – Jonathan has never eaten anything from a George Foreman Grill, and claims he is not the only one
29:19 – Seth claims that Jonathan said something to him on an episode that he’s never forgotten: “Seth, loud pipes save lives.” (regarding Harley-Davidson motorcycles, Episode 036, 41:43 and Episode 049, 43:08)
31:09 – Jah got a voicemail on his cell phone from Hutch that said “Yo dog, you dead dog. It’s on dog.”
32:16 – 30th anniversary of Atari 2600 is upon us – October of 1977 – the same year Jah had his first boner. Seth was a fan of Pitfall, but Jah had a ColecoVision
33:23 – Vegansexuals: Vegans who prefer to couple with other vegans instead of non-vegans whose bodies are composed of rotting animal flesh and corpses
16:20 – Seth ponders: “Without UYD, how would we collectively live and make sense of this? If we didn’t come together once a week for 60 minutes how the fuck are we going to make sense of this world we live in?”
23:57 – Seth observes that Letterman is becoming mean and Leno is becoming funny
34:17 – Seth tells Jah to give everybody Jogger’s site, but Jah refuses: “They’ll know soon enough. They’re too busy digesting the new Radiohead record. Trying to wrap their minds around that.”
37:54 – Jah claims that a funny highway joke is to drive by someone and pretend like they’re asleep and close one eye, and people freak out.
34:49 – Seth’s “Show me the meal!” comment causes Jah to erupt in laughter
51:39 – Seth reveals that he will be voting for Barack Obama
56:00 – Seth doesn’t like the new Radiohead record and said he got a gay vibe from it
12:25 – Jah declares that the Christmas Creep is on: decorations are up across the street from his dog store, and his friend Courtney has just seen his first Christmas commercial
13:45 – Jah revisits his hatred for holiday music originally mentioned in Episode 042
19:57 – GCILFs: Grandma Corpses I’d Like to Fuck
23:16 – Jah suddenly gets very dizzy and the whole room tilted at 45 degrees and tilted back. Seth has also felt terrible all day. Jah asks if there is a gas leak in the house and Seth says not to say that. Jah dismisses the notion because he thinks he would’ve smelled it by now. This is foreshadowing to Episode 144, 42:13, when Seth reveals there really was gas leaking from his stove that whole day
27:56 – Seth gives a shout-out to his cousin Eric for celebrating his 1-year anniversary with wife Erin. One of the only two weeks where UYD has skipped a podcast was when Seth was the best man in Eric’s wedding last October
33:29 – Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, offers a new course in the History Department called “Red Sox Nation”
37:46 – Seth’s seemingly harmless birth-related question sparks the first fight of UYD; Jah proposes to go adopt a baby (39:18), which Seth finds ridiculous; Jah says there’s too many babies (41:12) but Seth says that’s not the point, then sets Jahnny off by saying he treats kids like a litter of dogs (41:19); Seth argues that the most important thing is making the kid, Jah says raising the kid is the most important thing; Seth says it’s the most epic thing you could ever do (44:56), but Jah says mushrooms at a Jerry band show is the most epic thing; Jah gets pissed at Seth for saying he looks at a human being the same way he looks at a dog (45:53), says he wants to turn the podcast off and never turn it on again; then reiterates his pissedoffedness (48:49)
51:02 – Jah admits he hates God, then plugs Zeitgeistmovie.com
1:02:51 – Seth and Jonathan meet with UYD nationers agent79 and 55inch at the 101 Coffee Shop. Being the gentleman that he was, Jonathan picked up the bill
5:46 – UYD listener Laura called Jah and asked if Seth really saw Mystery, but Jah assured her he wasn’t making that up
12:31 – Seth wakes up by calling someone on the East Coast, telling them when he wants to get up and having them call him. Jah calls 976-WAKE
13:50 – The Setai Hotel in South Beach Florida is the country’s only six-star hotel
55:02 – Jah has to pee so bad he can’t think straight and asks Seth to take the reins
56:38 – Seth ponders – what was the original name of Pearl Jam?
1:38 – Jah says he will change the outgoing UYD voicemail message soon enough but he’s bad at doing it so he’s put it off
4:20 – Jah’s first reference to “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story” posters he’s seen in several Starbucks. Examples: I have a customer who orders a triple tall nonfat extra hot cappuccino every day. We call it an Angela. … I think Abby’s been working on her novel for six years now. … There is this lovely couple who come in every morning and read the newspaper to each other. … And when she came in to meet him, he greeted her with a dozens roses and a mocha.
10:51 – Jah wants to start a campaign for reclaiming the rainbow from the homosexual community. In his life, he has been both a hippie and a raver – two things that years ago, rainbows were an integral part of. Jah: “I am telling all gays right now, respecognize. You get to pick two colors from your rainbow flag. I am completely willing to forfeit a color combination to you.” (Then Jah says, “…like the orange and blue of Florida State.” He meant Florida)
21:21 – Seth answers his question from last episode: the original name of Pearl Jam was Mookie Blaylock.
22:22 – Jah dedicates this show to Laura Darlington for her birthday – friend of the show, original UYD listener
48:37 – Jenkem is brought up again. Jah claims he didn’t realize what the “Winnie” nickname is all about (Winnie the Pooh) and wishes he would have picked up on it
58:33 – Jah pleads for money, but Seth says not to because they’re getting it from Marc Zuckerberg
59:41 – UYD idea started in Jonathan’s laundry room in Thanksgiving of 2005. Seth: “That’s when the deep-seeded plans started to take shape.”
1:01:43 – Young college student, UYD listener, has been going to everyone’s dorm room and subscribing to iTunes on their computers
0:31 – Jah and Seth discuss the screwed-up sound levels that many UYD listeners noticed during Episode 091
1:51 – Seth upgrades his computer to a G4 iBook, a gift from Jonathan
35:54 – Jah reads more from “DMT: The Spirit Molecule”
45:46 – Seth and Jah do their whistle/ssssMOKIN routine
46:16 – We learn of Jah’s pink/turquoise poncho that was made in Guatemala
49:23 – Seth claims that Jah gets grifted often. Jah says that 90% of him knows he’s being grifted, but 10% of him just wants to hear the story that they’re going to concoct – then he brings up the $2,000 he was taken for online (Episode 043)
0:07 – Jah refers to this as “Episode Number Fuck You”
1:23 – Jonathan texts “PICKUP” to 44544 in order to get awesome pickup lines like “Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Give me your number.”
6:58 – More “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story:” There’s a mom and the cutest 2-year-old who come in for chocolate milk. Only she calls it dot-dot milk. … Last Christmas she baked us the most amazing cookies. It’s nice when customers are nice. … Neil is my human VCR. He’s always able to tell me what I missed on TV last night.
11:46 – Seth clarifies last week’s question as to whether Alan Thicke wrote the Growing Pains theme song “As Long As We’ve Got Each Other,” it was written by John Bettis – sang by B.J. Thomas
13:09 – Another reference to the Cold Stone Creamery forearms. Marble Slab has been around five years longer than Cold Stone (1983 vs. 1988), but there are 1,400 Cold Stones vs. 349 Marble Slabs.
52:09 – Seth hasn’t had a physical since 8th grade
55:02 – Jah spots what’s in Seth’s search window of his Google page: GUCCI MANE
1:00:45 – Jah finally sees Borat. Seth: “Did you see Titanic?”
0:34 – Seth warns Jonathan that he is sitting almost directly underneath the mistletoe
1:21 – Jah has not been to the website, checked the e-mail or been to the myspace page in two weeks b/c he is playing a live show – Doug Westin’s Troubadour on Santa Monica, Dec. 15
2:07 - More “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story:” For weeks I had called a customer by the wrong name. He was too shy to correct me. I was so embarrassed when I found out. … Sometimes, they have an argument about who’s going to pay for the drinks: “I’m gonna get it.” “No, I’m gonna get ’em.”
27:07 – This year will be 11th year that TBS will air “A Christmas Story” marathon from Christmas Eve to Christmas Night – unfortunately, it will be first year that director Bob Clark will not be able to watch it – was killed in April on PCH
53:29 – Seth’s sick, Jah’s sick of life. Jah: “What’s your ailment this week?” Seth: “Fucking life.”
1:00:25 – Seth looks ahead to the Episode 100 extravaganzo and ponders what they will do
1:01:44 – Jah never received a pickup line back after requesting it and getting charged for it during Episode 093
1:02:16 – Jah hears through the grapevine that Tara posted her boobs on the UYD website
1:03:22 – Seth thinks they had a great show despite him not feeling 100%
7:14 – Jah’s depth charge goes off, but it’s not a pertinent UYD factoid
31:40 – Seth’s friend John Buckley can, by not looking at a license plate, look at a driver and their car and tell you whether or not they have out-of-state plates
32:25 – Jah re-references his ability to distinguish the different colors of M&Ms; with his eyes closed
41:54 – Seth finally watches 55inch's clip of Jah on SNL with Jon Lovitz. The musical guest that week was Randy Newman, who Jah impersonates with a gravelly “Picasso” rendition. Seth couldn’t believe how composed Jonathan was on live television
44:06 – Seth looks up Don Vito from Jackass – got arrested doing an autograph session while drunk and fondled two 12-year-old girls, was found guilty and screamed “KILL ME!” in the courtroom. Kobe Bryant’s lawyer was also Don Vito’s. He is now on suicide watch in a Colorado prison.
1:03:50 – Jah notes the drama going on in the UYD website: “I feel like this is not conducive for the UYD community.”
0:54 – Jah and Seth receive several Christmas gifts from UYD listeners: vegan fluff and Peter Pan peanut butter, Season’s Beatings from Jerry Springer’s Ringmasters bandaid dispenser, Florida magnet
5:25 – Seth shows Jah a paper with “MV7” written on it. Turns it upside down to reveal “LAW.”
6:55 – UYD is still taking suggestions for Episode 100. They’ve gotten a lot of suggestions – a few too many, if you ask Jah
9:56 – Jah reads e-mail from UYD listener: “Guys, you’re pronouncing Oregon the wrong way. …”
25:46 – Jah and Seth do the Mark McGwire-Jose Canseco Bash Brothers bump in the studio, and Seth suggests doing it before every show. Seth can’t find who started the fist bump but he thinks it’s Jamaicans
29:32 – More college classes: USC – The Beatles Albums; Indiana University – Star Trek; Bucknell University – Witchcraft. UYD voicemail caller took a class at Northern Iowa University called “Just Sex,” where they were graded on their ability to talk about sex
34:42 – Jah threw an index card in the studio in a place where OCD Seth wasn’t comfortable with
41:37 – Jah plays “Kill Your Television” by Ned’s Atomic Dustbin through his laptop live on the show. Seth says he’s never heard of it: “I was too busy watching TV, not talking shit about it.”
1:00:31 – Jah plays “The Christmas Song” by Mannheim Steamroller in its entirety
0:21 – Jonathan feels like dogshit
8:53 – Jonathan gives a Grateful Dead lyric, but is fearful that he’ll get it wrong and Slim Tim will be all up in his shit: If I had a gun for every ace I’ve drawn / I could arm a town the size of Abilene
16:47 – Jah asks if Seth felt as bad as he does when he did the show a few weeks ago. Seth felt worse during the days following the podcast
55:44 – Jonathan receives the following text from a UYD listener: I JUST SAW JUNO. IT’S GOOD. IT’S LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE IN LOVE.
56:13 – Jah is very upset at all the hostility going on in the UYD forums, says he had no part of people getting banned (Cassie, Crow, harpua, Wally, Lizard King, etc.). Jah said he would sooner shut the forums down than let people be banned
1:00:56 – Despite being sick, Jah gives stirring renditions of “We Don’t Need Another Hero” and “I Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight”
1:03:49 – Jah and Seth further discuss Episode 100 plans. Seth: “We owe it to ourselves, to the show, to the listeners who have gone out of their way to support us for two years.” Jah says he’ll do the show and then hold it ransom. He’ll get things from different people and send it to them individually
1:06:32 – Seth gives Jonathan a new name, “Fuckman.” Seth gives himself the name “Surfer.”
0:04 – Crazy long period of silence lasts for 26 seconds
3:14 – Seth wants the two of them to begin carrying combs/brushes in their back pockets
13:06 – Jah has a slightly Hobbit big toe with a little Hitler stache on it
14:06 – Seth is thinking that Domino’s will be the next pizza place to launch a new pizza. He’s already picked out the Domino’s he’s going to egg, just north of Oxford St. on 3rd St.
29:05 – UYD listener confirms that the turban-wearing “You’re a very lucky man” grifters exist. He was listening to UYD talking about them as one walked past him. He sees two of them in his neighborhood and saw them eating lunch together one day
31:58 – Phenomenal voice messages – seems like they’ve got the Pacific Northwest on lockdown
41:50 – Rambo trailer plays in background
1:03:24 – Episode 100 discussion. Seth almost walked up to Orlando Bloom in a Whole Foods to try to convince him to be on the show
1:04:28 – UYD has made an achievement – on the first page of iTunes of Featured Podcasts
0:25 – They’re adding a new component. They will now henceforth be referred to as UYHD – the first UYD videocast.
1:48 – Seth cracks open some Pepsi Ice Cucumber – Jonathan is down with it but Seth hates it
13:26 – Jonathan covers his barista stories that he’s read in Starbucks
17:04 – Seth: “I hope you’re losing your mind right now because I’m losing my mind because there’s a camera here.”
23:33 – Jah’s microphone is as Bob Barker as he’s ever gotten. Seth’s traditional microphone pose, standing up all nervous-like. Jah’s pose is just kicking it casual
24:45 – Seth: “What is that enormous thing that used to stand next to my computer?” Jah: “The computer.” Seth: “But what’s that thing?” Jah: “The monitor.”
25:20 – Jah randomly: “Can you see my cock in these, because there’s a hole in these jeans.”
27:46 – Rambo’s full name is Jonathan James Rambo, so Seth is now going to start referring to Jah as either Fuckman or Rambo.
0:49 – Seth hands Jonathan a serrated knife that he says he will bring to Rambo, ask for his ticket and put it to the girl’s neck. Seth: “If I get arrested with that knife at John Rambo will you bail me out?” Jah: “Yes.”
1:32 – UYD listeners send S & J a menu from Pizza Factory – a huge chain in Korea that’s not really pizza.
2:53 – Jonathan makes it lain with some Asian funny money sent by UYD listeners
8:26 – Seth used to not care what he looked like while doing the show and now he has to look good. “What do you think people are going to say, like these dudes look like assholes.” Jah: “They’ll be like, I wanna fuck you guys.”
17:04 – Jonathan tells Seth that ever since he started smoking at age 11, he doesn’t start smoking until the sun goes down. Seth’s response: “Gay.”
17:30 – Thanks to the video capabilities, Jah reveals a horrendous pit stain that is probably due to the nervousness of the vidcast.
18:13 – After watching American Idol, Seth ponders the fact that there are females between ages of 16-25 that legitimately think they can sing. What are they thinking? Jah: “I believe that the way that they decipher the audio world is fucked up. It’s either a hiccup in the brain or they are completely delusional because of the shit they’ve been fed their whole life.”
19:43 – The UYD cameraman drops the camera and gets laughed at by Jonathan
21:26 – Jah calls for an official Seth Romatelli moonwalk, but Seth says he’ll do it in Episode 1000 with Macaulay Caulkin
27:51 – Seth and Jonathan were going to do a 5-hour show but opted to instead do a show that was twisted a touch technologically. Show is also available in audio format. The video is a trial run to see if they want to expand the horizons for what they do. They thank cameraman Matthew for his help.
29:30 – Dude writes a crazy negative review on iTunes for getting banned on the forums and it took their ranking down. Jah: “It’s something I can’t control because I have rogue moderators on my fucking website.”
30:09 – Seth takes us on a virtual tour of the studio. Usually there’s an ash tray next to Jah’s computer. Text, articles and index cards laid out on one of the couches, etc. Two years of their lives wrapped up into this little living room area.
31:38 – Jah is afraid he’ll look crazy and beat red and laughing too much with the video capabilities
0:29 – Jah took the 101 to get to Seth’s house tonight – coincidence? They think not.
1:26 – Show dedicated to Amir’s grandfather Tom, who passed away last week
1:51 – Shout-out to Weck for sending the minute-by-minute episodic recollection of what is Uhh Yeah Dude. Seth: “Tina Turner wrote a song about Weck. It’s called ‘Simply The Best.’”
7:43 – Seth is back to wearing his usual garb since they’re not on camera. Jah apologizes for Episode 100 because he was very nervous and since it was hot in the studio he was sweating profusely from the pit area
10:20 – Since Seth didn’t get advance screening tickets for Rambo, the full report won’t be until 102. The pocket knife, he says, will be unsheathed at certain points. Total deaths in First Blood: 1. Total deaths in First Blood Part II: 69. Total deaths in Rambo III: 132. Total number of people killed in Rambo IV: 236.
12:13 – Seth prefers a Score bar over a Heath, Jah goes with a Heath over a Score
13:40 – Jah claims Heath Ledger’s death is “tragic.”
23:54 – A modern-day phrase for the death erection: angel lust
0:00 – Ricky Gervais’ message on the UYD voicemail is played on the show. He refers to himself as “The Podfather.”
1:15 – Jah and Seth receive some gifts – Seth is wearing a Rambo t-shirt (from Bill) and a Florida pink flamingo visor. Jah is wearing a Clearwater, Florida tank top
17:21 – Jah explains the schoolyard game to Seth where you hold your index finger and thumb in a circle, and if the other person looks at it, he gets socked in the arm. If you can get your finger in the hole without the dude catching you, you get to sock him. If your finger gets caught, you get socked three times
41:01 – Nine weeks after texting “PICKUP” to 44544 (Episode 093), they texted him and said he’d be charged monthly for their service. Seth used the polar bear pickup line
46:17 – Seth declares that Jah’s mother looked beautiful at the SAG Awards
1:05:10 – Girl sends care package to UYD studio, included a letter talking about how she remembers seeing John Larroquette being interviewed on a late night talk show and wearing a Fishbone shirt and talking about how cool his son was
1:06:21 – Seth remembers how mad Jonathan’s dad got when he was talking shit about Paul McCartney. He won’t apologize for ripping on Ringo Starr, but when he was doing it he remembers thinking that his dad was going to kill him
1:08:00 – UYD made it to the front page of Featured Comedy Podcast on iTunes, a big achievement that Jonathan is stoked about
1:08:57 – Jah promises that UYD has a new website coming along with a UYD store
13:16 – Seth is attempted to abandon Obama for McCain because of McCain’s hot daughter Meghan McCain
16:34 – Jah and Seth get a grip of voicemails and e-mails about the “circle-below-the-waist” game mentioned in 102. Jah hears one explanation of it being a male-driven game that teaches young’ins not to look at friends’ crotches
40:59 – Seth wants to know if eventually his son is going to pull him aside and tell him he’s a doofus. Jah thinks it’s already happening – that instead of being irreverent they’re being pervy, creepy assholes. Jah says Episode 001 was them officially acknowledging the fact that they were no longer dope. Seth is flabbergasted by this revelation coming to him 103 episodes too late.
1:00:03 – Jah brings up the old Freedom Rock commercial with the two dudes sitting outside of a 60s VW bus, then does a spot-on impersonation of their voices
4:02 – Jah gives a shout-out to Joe and his dad John, who listen to the show together in Ione, California
20:52 – Jah is a Coke man, but his dad is a Pepsi man – at the end of the day he’s a Barq’s man
34:50 – Seth feels that no one should swim ever. He’s never gone to the beach and never will, and showers with shoes. Jah thinks Aquasocks need to be the new throwback
37:32 – Jah is holding an iced venti quad soy vanilla latte (four shots of espresso instead of three)
39:58 –Seth talks about his love for Papermate Flare Pen: “It’s like a Sharpie on training wheels.” Jah uses it to create his old tag: CENST with 1ER underneath it
54:12 – Seth chose not to remove himself from the mailing list of the 2008 SI Swimsuit Issue. Jah didn’t remember the edition being so jam-packed with girls, and says there’s some cute girls in it
55:16 – Seth says both Project Runway and America’s Top Model are strictly-women shows, but Jah argues that Project Runway is for anyone who respects fashion
1:06:37 – Jah and Seth pull a dope move on the listeners by Seth speaking into our left ear and Jah whispering into our right ear
0:41 – Seth and Jah kick a sweet beatbox vibe
2:27 – Jah gave up Phish for lent
5:31 – Seth is pumped for the Mega Millions getting up to $270 million. Seth says he would donate half of it to charity if he won. He has no idea what he would do with the rest of it. Jah would buy Seth a TV, lease him a Cadillac, then pay someone to let him kill them
30:09 – Seth brings up ohemgeeitsme’s breasts
31:38 – Jah says they could be making money right now if they were stand-ups. Seth says stand-up is a beast that not many people can tame. In his opinion, only two men have ever tamed it – George Carlin and Chris Rock
37:23 – Seth hated the Knight Rider pilot, but liked the UYD voicemail message that said “Who needs a talking car when I have UYD plugged in?” Jah said it would’ve been dope if Vince Vaughn was playing Michael Knight and it was directed by McG
40:25 – Jah hands Seth a photograph of Jah at age 14 with his friend Brandon, wearing a Patagonia mosaic Indian print fleece; Brandon is wearing a Guatemalan hat with a Pearl Jam plaid shirt. It’s from Jah’s boarding school, VVS, in Sedona, Ariz.
0:21 – This is the UYD leap year show – 29 days in February
3:32 – People are telling Seth 2 things: 1) TV is dead and 2) Weed is the new coke
38:40 – A UYD listener (Jah can’t remember his name) is working with an post-Katrina organization down in New Orleans. He called Jah on his road trip down there
54:17 – A sun shower is when the sun is out but rain is coming down. When there’s thunder out, the phrase is that “God is bowling.” When you see the sun break from a sun shower, “The devil is beating his wife.” Seth learned this phrase from the South this week standing next to an African American man
57:03 – Jah appreciates the amount and the enthusiasm he’s gotten from all the female listeners sending him pictures of their vages on his phone, but he’s saying that now it has to stop because there’s too many. Jah says they have to be sent via snail mail to Seth
1:02:12 – Jah explains why the website is designed b/c the webmaster got married and flew coop; the site doesn’t load; they’re trying to get it back up with the new site when agent79 gets his shit together
1:03:18 – Seth brags about UYD’s Podcast Alley #12 ranking out of 3,000 comedy podcasts
1:03:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to the SUNYs that listen to UYD – listener Jared Koscinski’s entire second floor listens to UYD
1:05:01 – Seth wants to know if anyone from his alma mater, Emerson, listens to this show. He’s angry that no one from Emerson has contacted him
3:29 – Seth wonders why UYD is getting so many voicemails from Australia. Jah loved the gang of messages they got. Seth gives shout-outs to Matt and Mira and everybody on the fifth floor of a college dormitory to be named later – they couldn’t make out the name because there was a dope party going on
4:30 – Seth shouts out to the University of Mary Washington swim team, who listen to UYD during practice
6:38 – Jah can bench-press 150; Seth can bench 140
10:23 – Jah is laughing at the bodily fluids flowing from Seth’s body at the moment
19:05 and 21:07 – Seth and Jah revisit their whistle / sssmmMMOOKIN! routine with hot girls
23:43 – Seth has counted cigarette butts for 106 episodes Jah’s smoking average for the show. Jah knows what he averages – 5 cigarettes. Jah is supposed to put on a nico patch and he’s going to put it on Biffin’s Bridge
0:32 – Seth’s new handle is “Hard As Is”
1:29 – Chris’ grandmother calls the show “Oh Dude Yeah”
1:52 – Jah says he’s back on the smokes after quitting for 5 days. Seth doesn’t believe that it’s hard to quit but Jah insists it is
3:34 – Seth’s mother thinks Jah is smoking weed because it sounds like he’s taking the deepest hits; Jah explains this is because he’s using a handheld mike, spitting from the dome
26:18 – Jah explains that John Mayer is a poor man’s Dave Matthews, while Jason Mraz is a poor man’s Beck
38:04 – Jah’s friend Juliette, the lead singer for Hello Stranger, has a walk-in closet that’s a panic room
0:27 – Seth is still going by “Hard As Is”
0:59 – A couple episodes ago UYD talked about how girls can’t leave the house without being assaulted. A female listener lets Seth know about the rejection number, 1-310-495-5412, and when some dude spits his ill game at you the recording tells you the person that gave you this number doesn’t ever want to see or speak to you again
1:45 – Jah gives a thank you to his mom for having him, to Seth for having him here this evening as a guest, and to Slim Tim, who sent a package with a double-disc recording of the Jerry Garcia Band on August 7, 1977 – Jah’s birthday
16:50 – Jah is smoking a bit, but Seth says not to feel bad. He talked to a girl who took Chantix, and after smoking for 13 years she was totally cool in one month. She said that quitting cigarettes is like mourning a friend, and Seth busted up laughing in her face. Jah says it’s more like realizing how fragile sanity is: “You’re only a cunt hair away from boot heeling infant children at every turn.” Seth gave up caffeine for a while but it was never too hard to deal with. Jah said he would not do Chantix, but he might consider the hypnosis
19:59 – Longtime UYD listener Nick and his beautiful wife Heather are 8 weeks pregnant
24:46 – Shout-out to Ben Larroquette on his upcoming birthday, as well as UYD listener Tara’s 21st birthday on Wednesday
26:23 – 311’s “Amber” was Jonathan’s ringtone for when Amir would call
37:05 – Jah proposes that one reason dudes spit shitty game is because they see complete losers walking into a place with beautiful women. Jah asks dudes who listen to the show and own a pair of True Religion jeans to call him on his cell. He also asks dudes who wear Affliction t-shirts to call his cell.
39:55 – Seth asks if it’s illegal to turn left into a gas station and then faux drive by and turn back out into the street. He does it 5 times a week but Jah confirms that it is illegal
53:02 – Jah discusses laugh tracks, they have trickle-out laughters called “Fred & Ethel” where you hear the stragglers. Background noise is called “Walla Wall”
1:00:55 – Seth mentions that UYD keeps creeping up the iTunes page
1:01:24 – Jah notes that his package looks huge right now
4:25 – Seth’s dream of appearing on an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 could technically come true because the CW is planning a spin-off of the show
6:24 – Seth says the dance crew Status Quo was robbed in America’s Next Best Dance Crew because they’re African American because MTV is a racist network. Jah called the Jabberwalkies winning it from Day 1, and is happy
8:32 – Voicemail callers have requested Amir to appear as a studio guest
9:27 – Seth gives a shout-out to Patrick and Adrian in Arlington, TX. Jah thanks Patrick for busting UYD’s balls about not being involved with the Myspace page in so long
54:28 – Seth gets a call from Weck asking him to look on Jah’s dad’s IMDB page at the trivia section: Has a son who was a fan of 90s group Fishbone. Jah: “I loved Fishbone.” He explains that it came out because his dad was on Arsenio wearing a polo shirt with the Fishbone logo on it, saying they listened to the same music even though he’s getting older. Also on the page: Liked playing Super Mario Land on Game Boy between takes on Night Court. … Likes ScharffenBerger’s gourmet chocolate, etc.
1:01:29 – Jah apologizes for uploading Episode 109 on Tuesday, and appreciates people texting him and asking him where it was
1:02:14 – Seth says he’d like to get UYD back up in the top 10 of 3,000 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley, although they’re currently down to No. 22. Podcast Alley was the first thing Jah came across and thought it was the only thing you could go through to get them
0:29 – UYD is doing the show on Saturday because of life man, trials and tribulations. Jah giveth and Jah taketh away
1:44 – UYD wishes a huge Happy 21st Birthday to Brian from Brooklyn, UYD’s top field agent. He’s been to competitive eating events, jam band gatherings, a rave, a Police concert at the Meadowlands, etc.
14:20 – Jonathan lifted and frequently uses a quote he heard from REM’s Michael Stipe: “Every generation thinks they invented oral sex.”
14:47 – Jah thanks the UYD listeners who submitted their own versions of Lolcats with UYD themes on them
30:07 – Seth wonders why he can’t just call Moviefone to get movie times and not hear Tyler Perry’s Madea character talking to him. Jonathan can’t believe that Seth still calls Moviefone to get movie times, which sparks a long discussion about Seth’s technological woes. This reminds Seth of the e-mail from Seth’s favorite listener, Kat, who said “Seth’s above e-mail…” Jah clarifies that it’s not that as much as it is something that he doesn’t do, similarly to their friend Sunny Levine (new album “Love Rhino” available on iTunes), who doesn’t drive or have a driver’s license. Jonathan’s only concern with Seth not doing e-mail is that he feels he needs to stay on it, and he’s concerned that in 4 years if Seth decides he wants to be up in it, it will be like getting dropped off in the middle of Haiti. Seth reiterates that he’s listed in the book. The only people he talks to are Jonathan and his mother. He used to have a cell phone 8 months ago but had a full nervous breakdown and the phone “broke,” Jah just took Seth’s cell number out of his phone 3 weeks ago. Seth questions why people are so constantly texting and calling and Facebooking and Myspaceing (40:28)
46:05 – Seth has been on MSNBC’s Lockup Raw marathon, and describes one of the interviews with a skuzzy inmate in Kentucky: I take a bucket, and have all my people fill it up with shit and piss (Jah goes into a coughing fit at this). Then the dudes smashes a lightbulb up in a towel, pours it into the bucket, then throws it on the prison guards so the glass cuts them
1:00:35 – Jonathan wants to take the new Trojan vibrator then put UYD on it with one of the slogans
1:03:06 – Another dip in to Jah’s old tag, CENST (Episode 104)
1:03:23 – UYD gets some submissions from female listeners about crazy-ass things dudes have said to girls whilst boning down on them, first discussed last week: two girls were going down on each other in front of another dude (all drunk) and dude says “Yeah, do you like mouthing her slime?” and a little while later while fingering the one going down on the other, he says “You love this. Look at how slimy you are.” … another dude was locking eyes with the girl (“I’m doing this” eyes) while eating her out, and called her the next day and said “hey, remember when I was going down on you and staring into your eyes?” However, Jah admits that guys enjoy this when the girls lock eyes with them
21:19 – Seth discusses watching Good Morning America and reviewing the terminology that was used in the film “Valley Girl” 25 years ago and how the lingo has changed: “Tubular” is no longer used; “dweeb” is now “geek;” “rad” is now “that’s chill;” “later” is still “goodbye;” “oh my god” is now “OMG;” “KMIA” is still “KMIA;” “dude” still works; etc. … Jah then spits some So-Cal lingo: “duck” means a girl is the worst; “toy” means like a childish whack style; “whack,” “dope” and “fresh” are all still used to this day. … Jah’s understanding about “duck” was that an actual dude and his girlfriend and someone referred to the girl as a duck, then it became popular through an East Coast rap song
25:35 – Seth is outraged that his hair product, KMS Hairplay Molding Paste, costs $25 a tube. It takes an hour to prep his hair each morning
27:19 – Jah goes over his new drink at Starbucks: an iced venti soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. His old drink was a 24-ounce soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whipped cream and no fudge swirls. Seth: “And balls.”
33:15 – Seth shows Jah his appendix scar
47:20 – Jonathan and Seth talk about their disdain for feet, especially bad feet on women who tend to show them off more than they should.
1:17 – Seth tells listener Tim in England that he and his wife have permission to name their son Seth. Seth tells the listener who wants more pictures of Seth to paint his eyes that that is cool too
6:16 – Jah gives an official shoutout to the working man. He says there has been an inordinate amount of men calling the UYD voicemail who have jobs that they don’t enjoy and don’t take a phenomenal amount of brainpower. Jah thinks it’s fresh that UYD helps pass their time at work more smoothly
8:25 – Seth wishes Amir the best of luck as he will play Coachella this weekend. Jah is resentful because he won’t be joining him
35:48 – Seth wonders if it’s possible to steal somebody’s gas tank. Jah says yes but it would be a lot of work. He asks because the gas prices are killing him. He can’t imagine what it would be like if he still had his Chevy Cheyenne pickup with a double tank
38:25 – Jah hasn’t been hiking for almost a month. When he was doing it regularly he looked like Elizabeth Berkeley; now he looks like Delta Burke.
40:59 – Jah is thinking about getting another tattoo: his birthday across his knuckles, 8-7-77. He says it’s the first one he would get where everyone would see it all the time. He has 3 tattoos, all of large scale that took a long time to design by tattoo artist Jill Jordan.
42:56 – Seth got a call from a listener who informs him that in Episode 031 at the 18:43 mark, Jah lights up a cigarette for the first time on the show and says he won’t make a habit of it, yet he’s smoked every episode since. Jah laughs. Seth acknowledges that he encouraged Jah to keep doing it.
44:05 – Seth asks Jah if he’s going to be with him when he’s celebrating 6 years of sobriety. Jah says no because it’s 4-20 and he has places to be.
45:45 – Seth thinks everyone should do everything they want all the time, then goes on another rant about his sobriety misery.
1:02:35 – Seth says there’s never been more correspondence than there was this week, including Seth’s home phone, the UYD voicemail, Jah’s cell phone, Jah’s e-mail and a GRIP of UYD downloads. Jah says that if he’s not getting back to people it’s because there’s been an enormous amount of calls and texts coming in and he wants them to keep on coming
0:58 – Jonathan finally figured out how to change the voicemail. He didn’t realize that for 100+ episodes, the main voicemail message and the mailbox message were playing back-to-back so the callers had to wait through incredibly long greetings before leaving a message
18:44 – Seth ponders what’s up with Jack Johnson? Jah says that in Hawaii there’s not a bigger star or singer in the world than JJ. Jah says at best he’s utterly boring, while Seth says he’s the worst.
19:49 – Blues Traveler is playing opening night at Hollywood Park, so Seth tries to get Jah to dip back in
23:27 – Seth boldly states that UYD has the funniest, smartest listeners in the world. He thinks it’s crazy how good the stuff is. Dudes called in singing in high falsettos, some listeners sent tearjerking e-mails
31:03 – Jah admits he was breastfed. Seth says that is why he has incredible social skills and a high I.Q.
0:59 – Jah dips back in to crazy things dudes have said to ladies whilst boning down. Jah was hoping he would’ve gotten more of them by now. Male listener calls in and says his girlfriend was going down on him, he looked down at her and said “you look like a monkey,” which didn’t go over so well.
4:02 – Seth wants to be called “Gillette” from now on – not because he loves Penn & Teller, but because he’s “the best a man can get.” Jah thinks the phrase should be reserved for Seth’s lady when he’s spitting mad game
5:47 – Seth reiterates that he is a latch-key kid. Even now, when he hears a set of keys jangling, he freezes up. He still tapes a key to the bottom of his foot
13:15 – Seth ponders if kids still wrap their textbooks in grocery bags, but Jah says no. Jah also says that only poor kids used to use them and not real book covers like Jah had with an awesome Porsche on them
19:12 – Seth just did a full ball shift like a true East Coast Italian. Jah has never seen Seth do that before
30:42 – Seth faces the grim realization that his only hope right now is to get married because he is so completely out of the loop with social networking. Seth thinks old people are still able to do it without being wack, but Jah thinks it’s weird if you’re over the age of 30 and are vehemently pursuing your web presence. He says there’s some kind of creepo factor to it.
0:39 – UYD gets a grip of messages from Atlanta this week
2:07 – Jah asks anyone who might be a UYD listener and work at iTunes to call Jonathan on his cell phone. He has important questions to ask them
8:44 – UYD also got 27 calls from Portland in addition to the 40 from Atlanta. They also got 16 more calls asking how Jonathan and Seth met. Both of them remember the night but are not divulging the details of the occasion yet
9:51 – Seth says Portland is the freshest city in the country, while Baltimore is the new Austin. This leads them to the discussion of what Austin is, and what the cities’ slogans are (Keep Austin Weird, Keep Portland Queer)
10:27 – Jonathan reiterates that clean needles save lives. Seth: “It’s true. And loud pipes save lives.”
34:12 – Continuing the segment of shitty things dudes have said to girls while boning down on them: “Come on, shut up and just hop on it!” … “I wish you had a ’70s bush. Don’t shave for a while.”
2:19 – Seth requests 2 more things he doesn’t want to see any more videos about: 1) Mentos & Diet Coke, and 2) Toddlers being videotaped smoking weed
7:53 – Jonathan’s mom just texted him: GIVE ME THOSE DATES AGAIN? AND WHERE TO? MADRID? BARCELONA? WHAT ABOUT YOUR PASSPORT? Jonathan explains that this is in reference a mini-tour that Jogger will be taking to Spain in mid-June
25:00 – Jonathan advertises his 1989 Dodge panel truck is for sale
33:49 – Seth stands in front of a mirror and looks at himself naked twice a day, as does Jonathan
43:40 – Seth reveals that he does not take elevators, which Jonathan is amazed by. He also hasn’t used a payphone since July of 1999
52:44 – Jah goes through a list of Cougar dating websites
54:58 – UYD moved up to the next row on iTunes, next to 2 other podcasts with gay themes, which Seth says could be confusing for people searching comedy podcasts: “Gay Yeah Dude.”
56:22 – Jah says there are a couple things in the works that he’s excited about bringing to the community of Uhh Yeah Dude – t-shirts in the mix that will happen soon, as well as facets of the show that are going to be expanding.
14:37 – Jonathan got a text this week that said HEY JONATHAN – ARE CROCS REALLY ALL THEY’RE CRACKED UP TO BE? Jonathan simply replied, NO
41:48 – Jah reveals that Amir is going to see the Sex and the City movie because he’s been there since the beginning. Seth, too, has seen every single episode. He defends this because he says it was his only way to figure out what women think about. He says he’s more lost now at the end of it
49:43 – Jah loves Mark Wahlberg because he has a crazy high-pitched lady voice and so does Jonathan, and he gives Jah hope in the world. “When he gets intense, his voice gets all crazy high like mine does.”
1:03:55 – Seth took his glasses off and it freaked out Jonathan because he feels like he hasn’t seen him without his glasses on in 10 years. Seth does something to make Jah crack up but noone knows what it is
0:23 – Jonathan begins the episode by cracking up at Seth about something. He says that Seth was going off before the show about how the country is freaking out about everything over the last month or so
1:59 – Seth gives a head’s up that Episode 122 will not come at its normal week, since Jah will be going to Spain for a Jogger tour
8:47 – Jah wonders if he can bring back the “Schwwwiiing!” expression from Wayne’s World whenever hot girls walk by. Seth says no because he needs to stick with the Smokin! thing because it’s his
29:34 – Jah dips back into awesome things dudes do while boning down with ladies. Jah says that eventually they’ll keep doing it until a dude hears him say one and realizes it’s him, then UYD can link them up together. A few: One dude could blow himself (Jah admits he stopped trying when he was 14) and would cum in his own mouth, balancing on his butt, bent over with legs up, and having to rock back and forth. Girl said there were a lot of noises, and while he was doing it he would look over at her expecting her to be turned on by it. Another guy would simply repeat “Your vagina feels good” over and over again in a monotone voice for the second half of sex through fruition
47:13 – Jonathan does his Christopher Walken impersonation
54:43 – Because UYD has been getting a lot of e-mails and phone calls about things being directly stolen from UYD, Seth is officially announcing that the Christmas Creep has begun as of the first week of June. Jah also confirms that people have been spotting other Andy Rooney and Craig’s List segments popping up elsewhere
58:10 – Jah receives confirmation that 7-layer burritos at Taco Bell are totally vegan by nine people. Then Jah heard something from a listener about how Taco Bell gets their tomatoes. Seth: “If you eat a banana, you’ve killed somebody.”
59:45 – Jonathan and Seth decide that since gay marriage is legal in California, they should join together in Holy matrimony. Seth: “That’s going to be crazy. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, but funny.” Jah: “You get to sort of somehow finally in your heart and mind fuse your two favorite comedians, Kevin James and Jonathan Larroquette, into one super person.”
1:02:20 – Seth thinks Jonathan read something already in the show, but he actually read it in pre-pro. Jah is surprised that Seth mistakes the context
1:04:25 – It becomes clear that Seth is getting worked up about skipping a week for Episode 122 (the week of June 23, when Jah will be overseas). Jah: “We don’t like to miss shows – well, Seth doesn’t like to miss shows. I don’t give a fuck. I would miss every other show, probably.” Seth: “I think we owe it to the people that take the time out of their lives to share with us, we owe them a new show every week of our lives. It’s the one constant we’ve all had.” He also notes that they haven’t missed a show since late ’06 (Episode 037 would have originally been posted on Oct. 30, 2006. The only other skipped week was Oct. 2, 2006, which would have originally been Episode 032)
0:45 – Since the Boston Celtics are playing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, Seth and Jonathan have a wager going – if the Lakers win, Seth has to give Jah a Boston Crème Pie, and if the Celtics win, Jah has to give Seth sushi
9:11 – Seth reminds the listeners that Episode 122 will be put on hold for a week as Jah goes to Spain
11:56 – Jah doesn’t like it when people say “ladies and germs…”
14:05 – Jah was talking to high school senior David from Wisconsin about girl troubles. He wanted to ask a girl out, they sent some texts back and forth. It’s been backburnered for the time being but he expects an update in the next few weeks
52:34 – More crazy things dudes have said whilst boning down. Guy and a girl were in a casual sex relationship, the girl was falling asleep and he asked her to suck him before she went to bed, she said no half asleep, then realizes he has pulled a knife from between his mattress and box spring and is holding it up to her tit. She got up, got dressed and left. Jah thinks the dude had half boner rage and half rape fantasy
59:55 – Jah still can’t wrap his head around the show and how people listen to it and support it. It makes him so happy, along with the texting and calling. He encourages people to write reviews for the show on iTunes. Seth: “In February of ’06, Jonathan drove over here, sat in the same seat he was sitting it, smoked the same type of cigarette (not true – Jah is switching from Parliaments to American Spirits, which take 45 minutes to smoke), and we did Episode 001 of Uhh Yeah Dude. It’s now June of ’08 and we’re doing Episode 120.”
0:54 – Seth reminds everyone that this is the final show before sabattical – a well-deserved one-week break – UYD will be back better than ever the week of June 30
2:05 – This episode is a special dedication to the troops, especially Timothy Pegram in Afghanistan. Seth: “When you find Osama, we’ll get you the UYD shirt in early July, you’ll videotape it, make him say ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’”
8:17 – Seth and Jonathan decide that they can’t get married on Tuesday after all b/c Jah is so straight that they wouldn’t believe it – unlike Seth
13:18 – Seth admits he has never owned a pair of flip flops. He has also never gone on a blind date
20:48 – Laura was the first person to send UYD photos of her and her husband when they were kids – in their soccer uniforms at age 11
26:37 – Jah’s friend Amir got to play guitar on The Tonight Show on June 11, back up for Priscilla Ahn
0:00 – UYD returns after a 2-week hiatus with Jonathan in Europe. Jonathan claims at 1:48 that his trip was awesome
1:31 – Seth eats a toffifee that the Darlingtons brought back from Europe. Jah says he can’t have one b/c he is a vegan, but he has a celebratory one anyway and apologizes.
11:10 – Seth is featured on a myriad of clips on YouTube ripped by 55INCH, chronicling Seth’s commercial spots that Seth calls “thanks for nothing, Hollywood.” “My 10-year acting career has been boiled down to 8 minutes.” Seth appears in the clips as a cowboy, a drunk high school student, a young entrepreneur, a family man, a computer hipster, a snowboarder
26:55 – Seth says Jah’s birthday is going to be off the chain, but Jah says it’s going to be depressing. Amir’s birthday is Sunday
57:41 – Jah dedicates this show to his friend Natasha Schneider who passed away yesterday. She was sick for a while before passing. His heart and thoughts go out to her and her husband
59:44 – Jah says Spain was amazing, but he doesn’t need to go back to Switzerland anytime soon
1:34 – Following the 2-week UYD break, it appears that Uhh Yeah Dude has fallen off the front page of Featured Comedy Podcasts. Seth predicts they will be back.
13:55 – A listener sent Jah an e-mail today and it dawned on him that the person was right: the term “Booty Call” is in dire need of being phased out b/c everyone still uses it and it’s wicked old. Nobody really likes the term. In Urban Dictionary, “booty call” was defined in Dec. 28, 2005. Definition: a late-night summons often made via telephone to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad-hoc basis.
22:32 – Jonathan wears Guerlain Heritage cologne, which is giving away a big man secret. He has others but won’t reveal them. Seth decides he will have to get a cologne for himself.
0:37 – Seth reveals that they are doing this episode with video cameras in the studio and neither of them are holding mics. They’re going wireless.
1:31 – Someone asked Seth if he dressed to the left or to the right, and he didn’t know what it meant. Jah says it means which side you put your dong on
5:46 – A new design for peanut butter has a twist-off on both ends so you can never get to the bottom of it. Jah’s idea was to make a billion dollars with a cylindrical Lucite item, a circle threaded into the top and bottom are a ketchup bottle and a phlange. The idea was borne out of people at restaurants having to empty bottles into a big container. Jah’s idea was to screw it in, and as the oxygen was getting pushed in it was getting pushed out of a carb valve in the end. He had the patent drawn up but was sitting in Swingers one night and watched a girl grab 5 bottles, go up to a vat, pour it in and fill up new bottles. His bubble was burst
7:58 – Jah says that there’s eight dudes in the room that they haven’t acknowledged once
48:14 – Jah hasn’t received a field sobriety test in years. He also once had weed in his car and gave the cop an expired recommendation, but his hair looked so good that the cop gave him a week and said “go home.”
1:00:09 – Jah apologizes for his lack of mobility and enthusiasm because his back is killing him
0:33 – UYD follows up on the cameras in the studio and tells us there will be a few clips up on the Myspace page and on YouTube. They are indeed filming again tonight
26:40 – At this point in the show Jah saw two of the cameramen look at each other and acknowledged that his pits were crazy fuego right now. He asks for a super close-up on the pits. He claims that because he’s a hippie he wears crazy deodorant that doesn’t prevent perspiration, it just perpetuates the sweat
31:43 – UYD got a message from a female busdriver in Pittsburgh, PA, and she doesn’t think she’s the target audience but she loves it just the same
56:23 – Jah has a theory that before the Depression in the 20s, dudes would jerk off a much more classy way, but then in the Depression it became a more angry and fevered “Soup Kitchen Jerk”
1:40 – This week’s show and every week in August, UYD is being sponsored by Entourage and HBO. Season 5 premieres Sunday, Sept. 7 on HBO.
3:56 – The iPod generation doesn’t know any words to any songs because they don’t have LP or CD booklets to read the words in
6:14 – Five short minutes after announcing Entourage as a sponsor, Jah admits to not knowing who Vinny Chase, the main character of the show, is
19:00 – This is Jah’s birthday week. Jah will be 31 years old on August 7
24:40 – Jah wonders how the pits are doing in this episode, but Seth says they’re not as bad as the previous week
28:57 – Seth reiterates that there are several people in the studio – 10 balls to be exact. “Do the math.”
57:43 – Jah doesn’t want to take the tone down, but tells us about UYD listener Kylie, an 18-year-old undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. Two days a week she goes in for 4 hours to get treatment. She had a chemo partner who sat in the room with her, a 65-year-old named Bob. Kylie was listening to the show one day and Bob asked her what she was listening to, and she split the headphones so they could both listen. Kylie wrote Jonathan last night to inform him that Bob passed away the night before. Bob had mentioned how happy he was to start listening to the show, and called it a “Radio Box Show” and was happy to listen to it and laugh while in quite a bit of pain. Jah dedicates the show to them and thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever encountered in his life.
1:02:25 – Seth is in disbelief that the show has already eclipsed an hour
0:32 – Today is Jonathan’s birthday.
0:40 – Entourage and HBO are sponsoring Uhh Yeah Dude this week
1:58 – As of midnight the night before, Jah has not smoked and is not smoking on the show for the first time in a long time. He wants to not smoke for a while, if possible.
2:42 – Jah is stunned by the amount of birthday text messages he got from people who listen to the show
9:09 – Seth recommends getting on back-to-school shopping since it starts in three weeks. Jonathan recommends the same store as always, Miller’s Outpost
16:27 – Jah begins cracking up at Seth’s impression of a dude at a convenience store ordering a Snickers Charge, some Newports, a Playgirl and matches and can’t stop himself until 17:06, saying Seth is “really funny”
41:10 – Jah is laughing so hard that he begs Seth to stop being funny
48:16 – Jah declares this is maybe the best birthday he’s ever had in his life
1:36 – Jah outs Seth and the fact that his outgoing message tells people about the season premiere of Entourage.
2:17 – Seth wondered if they ever decided if “Gillette – the best a man can get” is supposed to be targeted toward a male or female. Jah thought it should have been for a man. Seth wants to say it to a dimepiece in the club
50:14 – Jah thanks listeners for the feedback about microphones, sound quality, videos, and asks for thoughts on Entourage sponsorship and that listeners will post the YouTube videos on their own sites
53:01 – Jonathan and Seth declare they will be interviewed on the Mike O’Meara Show on WJFK in Washington DC on Monday, Aug. 18 at 5:30 p.m. Seth wonders if he’ll be able to talk for 15 minutes and not drop an F-bomb
0:46 – Jah reiterates that the show is being sponsored by Entourage
5:20 – Seth reveals that he’s drinking Diet Sunkist, and that when you drink 1 you drink 100. Jah says it’s one of the most revolting things he could conceive drinking. Seth says all he needs is a wheatgrass shot and a Diet Sunkist to make it through the day
14:01 – Seth asks how you text something to the wrong person, and Jah explains it
22:22 – Seth sees a woman on TV saying she ate a catfood sandwich while she was sleepeating at night
56:51 – Seth says all the college kids do is play beer pong
59:15 – Jah sings some Aaron Neville
9:57 – Jah got a new Blackberry this week
28:13 – Jah thinks that if Seth made something that allowed you to jerk off while watching pornography and playing Guitar Hero, Seth would be the richest man alive
28:43 – Jah heard a rumor that he would love to know is true. A guy he wound up in a recording studio with several years ago told him about listening to a tape of Elvis Presley in a studio with The Colonel (Tom Parker) played by Pat Hingle in Elvis and the Beauty Queen, a movie of the week. In the studio Elvis liked to be on the board and play with the fader, and Elvis would have the Colonel write a check to people. At one point Elvis in the studio said “Somebody take the fader, take the fader!” then fell back on the couch and said “Somebody write somebody a check!”
58:30 – Jonathan provides a little factoid about the Culver Hotel next to the Culver 12: John Wayne owned it, and gained ownership of it through Charlie Chaplin who lost it to him in a poker game. Jah: “Why isn’t life like, awesome like that anymore? Can we make life awesome like that again? The problem is there’s no really cool rich people anymore. They’re all wack.”
1:04:35 – Seth went on to podcastalley.com recently, and read a comment where someone wondered why UYD was only ranked 42nd. Seth thinks 42 is pretty good considering there’s about 50,000 podcasts in the system
1:06:14 – Seth invites everyone to visit the UYD studio and get tickets by calling 888-842-2357
1:04 – Jah is smirking at Seth’s sweatshirt, which is an old school 1977 Dallas Cowboys rigout to celebrate the beginning of the 2008 season
4:48 – Seth ponders who Cheech & Chong are, and Jonathan is forced to explain their history in comedy with marijuana-themed movies. Seth claims he’s never heard of these two guys.
11:32 – It’s getting a little hot in the UYD studio. There was some serious music playing next door and they had to close the window, making it steamy in the sausage fest studio
13:42 – Seth brings in his 1987 eighth grade yearbook from Dustin Hunking Middle School in Haverhill, MA, to prove his claims from Episode 130 (56:39) that he was voted “Cutest” in the superlative awards (He shared it with Todd Treffrey). He was also voted “Biggest Flirt” with Peter Martellucci and “Best Personality” with David Thistlewood and “Most Popular” with Jack Barone and “Most Outgoing.” Unfortunately, he also won “Shortest,” sharing it with Eric Carmier (a.k.a. “Slooch”), which took away from his game a little bit. He also shows his picture with the two collared shirts. Jah says Seth is extremely short in the pictures. He also shows the picture from the Eighth Grade Talent Show, which features Seth and his boys as “The Hunkstie Boys” seeing “Paul Revere.” (Episode 078, 8:14)
17:44 – Seth wonders where Jah escaped to, but Jah is getting a glass of water from the kitchen. Seth’s not cool with Jah using one of his coffee mugs for the water. Seth has one fork, one spoon and 50 mugs in the kitchen.
20:00 – Jah got a new phone and wishes he had his old one back. Seth says Jah was on it all the time. Jah hasn’t gotten used to the new one yet; he still gets a lot of calls and texts on it from UYD listeners
30:25 – Seth has a birthday coming up and is wondering what Jah will get him. Jah thinks he will get linked with something that will change his daily life
36:43 – Jah tells a joke about a kid being abducted by a predator that falls flat in the studio. Kid picks up a welder’s mask lying by the side of the street, man lures him in with candy and sodas. Man asks him if he knows what words like fellatio, anal sex and homosexual mean, then the kid says, “Listen mister I gotta level with you, I’m not a welder.” Seth, after a long pause: “I don’t get it.” Jah has to explain
52:55 – Seth asks for a Saudi sheikh to listen to UYD, drive to 466 N. Hobart Blvd. in a crazy Bentley, throw Seth the keys and say “I direct-deposited $50 million into your account. Have a great year. Uhh Yeah Dude!” and then drive away with oil spilling all over Hobart.
57:20 – Seth and Jonathan talk about how they agreed that they would stop at 262 episodes. They have officially reached their halfway mark with 131.
0:34 – UYD makes the executive decision to throw everybody out of the studio. No cameras, no wireless microphones because Seth says they’ve lost an intimacy in the last 8 weeks
9:05 – Seth’s home phone rings in the middle of the episode and Seth can’t believe he forgot to turn the ringer off. “Is that rude? Where I come from people don’t call after 9:00.”
11:29 – Seth wonders if people actually enjoy eating KFC
1:05:53 – UYD got a voicemail message from a blind listener in Arizona. He was in the mall and a dude tried to jack his wallet, which was attached by a chain. The guy said he was trying to get a look at the chain. When the blind man told security they threw him out, not the would-be burglar.
5:43 – Jah is getting overwhelmed on his Blackberry, it’s an influx of people talking about the show, typing comments into the UYD webpage which go to his Blackberry, UYD’s Gmail goes to his Blackberry and day-to-day life. He wonders if it would benefit him and the listeners to have everything into one form of technology that he can go to
12:28 – Seth ponders why people say the phrase “Where do you stay?” instead of “Where do you live?” Jah says it happens to him because he’s essentially homeless
46:48 – We hear Jah’s marijuana pipe that has fallen to the floor. Jah denies it but it’s true.
1:06:25 – Jah wishes Seth an early happy birthday in advance of his 35th birthday, Sept. 20. As Seth reminisces about the birth, Jah does a background “Happy Birthday” song and wraps up as Seth talks about his first boner.
38:27 – Seth reminds Jah that Mike Seaver’s best friend in Growing Pains was named Boner Stabone, and his father’s name was Sylvester Stabone
41:08 – Seth reads something from Playboy that says “What Kind of Man Reads Playboy?” It describes the reader as a young man to a direct course to success, perhaps a college man studying oceanography or architecture. “Either way, he finds way to relax with a pretty companion, as well as his favorite magazine.” Seth reiterates that as long as Hef walks this earth he will continue to buy his magazine. He also wonders when he will get to go to the Playboy Mansion
21:23 – Jah apologizes because he’s been swamped the past couple weeks with texts, calls and e-mails, and asks people that if it’s a pressing issue to re-send to him. He said he’s not getting any help because his intern is going through personal issues of his own.
31:00 – Seth mentions that UYD has a blind listener who isn’t protesting anything, although he was protesting when they threw him out of a mall in Arizona (Episode 132). Jah feels bad for alienating their one blind listener and all of their deaf listeners. Jah estimates that UYD has 700 deaf listeners
37:29 – Seth hears that there’s a lot of sugar in kid’s cereals, and that a way to combat that is to take a bowl and put half sugar cereal and half sweet cereal. Seth thinks that instead of placating your spoiled brat child with half a bowl of Honey Smacks and half a bowl of Cheerios, stick their head in the bowl of Cheerios and make them eat it. When Seth was a kid his mom wouldn’t let him have a cereal if sugar was listed within the first four ingredients. Jah wasn’t allowed to have those either
39:29 – Jah and Seth can’t believe how hot it is in the studio, especially since it’s October and it’s 95 degrees.
52:18 – Seth says there’s no worse panic attack than seeing dudes perform a capella
56:22 – Seth wonders what it would be like to get the three unaired UYD episodes and listen to them while drinking absinthe.
57:26 – Jah was thinking about what it would be like to buy a pair of Crocs today in a weird color and put them away… how many years would it take to pull them out in front of somebody and dangle them out to where the person goes “I completely forgot about those!”
59:48 – Jah promises to find a way of posting a photo of Seth from when he was a child – his mom sent it to the studio wearing a Cowboys shirt
5:21 – When you’re brushing your teeth and washing your hands, Seth informs us that you’re supposed to sing “Happy Birthday” twice
6:56 – Jah reiterates that they did not know the name of the “Nailin’ Paylin” movie from Larry Flynt. Since Quarantine is coming out, Jah says the porn name should be “Pornin’ Teens”
10:32 – Seth asks about the feature on the cell phone that you can press “Ignore” when someone calls. Jah says they know you do this because it automatically routs to voicemail, and thinks it should be changed so they don’t know that
23:35 – Jah lets everyone know that his Facebook page is real, although he is not at the controls of it. He said there is stuff being set up for it over the next few days but it will ultimately be him in control of it
36:13 – Jah thinks he should start saying “Well howdy there Kemosabe” instead of “Smmmokin!!!”
1:03:20 – UYD friend of the show John in Japan got a tattoo on his birthday that Jah thinks is the best tat ever – a tattoo that says UYD: DEAL WITH IT
3:17 – Jonathan gives his Led Zeppelin rendition of “Gotta Whole Lotta Tweens,” then does his impression of Aaron Neville singing “Whole Lotta Love”
4:52 – Seth hasn’t used a Q-Tip since UYD announced that they’re harmful to your ears (Episode 131, 8:53). He wonders if any other UYD listeners stopped using them as well
11:37 – VH1 did the Top 100 Hip-Hop Songs of All Time. Public Enemy’s “Fight The Power” was No. 1. Seth had a dispute with this because he expected Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock’s “It Takes Two” to be way near the top, but it was rated #37. He was mad that “Tha Crossroads” and “Gold Digger” were ranked higher. #2 was “Rapper’s Delight”, #3 was “Nothin’ But A G Thang”, #4 is “Walk This Way”, #5 is “The Message”, #6 is “Straight Outta Compton”, #7 is “Juicy”, #8 is “Gin and Juice”, #9 is “Push It” and #10 is “The Brakes”
25:32 – Seth is wondering what is going on in the back of Jah’s head. Jah is currently twiddling his hair, so it’s created a thick coating going back to the bookshelf. Jah admits that when he twists it, it goes into a horn shape
47:22 – Seth sees a segmen on CNN about a man named “Dave” at a gas station in Portland, who randomly picked a car and told them he’d pay for their gas. All he asked of them was that they “pay it forward.” Seth claims that he managed to use that phrase in like 12 different variations
49:03 – Jah asks that Facebook users would stop “Superpoking” him, because he doesn’t know what it is. He also doesn’t want to be a part of anyone’s Mafia gang or anything else
53:57 – Jah promises some more UYD stuff in the works, including t-shirts, clips on YouTube, etc.
1:02:10 – Seth wants to call Jah “Double R, Double T,” which eventually gets trimmed down to “R2 T2”
1:02:34 – Seth and Jah dip back into the “Kemosabe, whistle, smmmoookin” cat calls
1:05:18 – Jah takes us out with one more hit from his upcoming Aaron Neville/Robert Plant album with “Stairway to Heaven”
0:06 – Jah starts this episode off similarly to Episode 035, when they made fun of crazy podcast intros. Crazy voice distortions at 0:31, 0:44, 0:51 and 2:21 reinforce this
0:18 – Seth informs us that this episode is being sponsored by HBO and its new show “Summer Heights High”
23:51 – Jah thanks Q and Melissa in Tacoma, Washington. They are newlyweds, and their friend Graham turned them on to the show. They made a set of UYD decals that are available on Café Press – Jah’s mom put one on her car
31:47 – Jah says Seth has caused a Q-tip craze with his news report from Episode 131 and his updated from 137 saying he stopped using them. Seth got a message from someone who said his grandma said “never put anything smaller than an elbow in your ear.”
33:28 – Jah talks about Aaron Neville’s rendition of “Silent Night” and proceeds to give us a taste of that track
40:44 – UYD now has its own YouTube channel, youtube.com/uhhyeahdude. The videos will continue to be transferred from The Service Company to YouTube, including old episodes that were filmed that listeners didn’t know about. Jah requests that people should go to the videos and embed them in your Facebook and Myspace pages and subscribe to the channel. Jah also says next week he will give details about where to go on the internet to place orders for UYD t-shirts
0:08 – Jah starts speaking in crazy Crypt Keeper voice that scares the shit out of Seth
0:33 – Seth reiterates the sponsorship of UYD by HBO’s Summer Heights High. Every time Seth and Jah discuss the show Jah refers to it as Michael Keaton’s 1990 thriller “Pacific Heights.”
2:28 – Jah’s friend Dan went to a Summer Heights High premiere party this last weekend and reported that it was very funny
8:20 – Jonathan is drinking an alcoholic beverage tonight. Seth says he drank about a quarter of a 40-ounce Olde English into, then poured a Bartles & James strawberry daiquiri into the OE, which was his rendition of a “Green Machine” recipe given to him from Sonny Levine.
24:42 – Amir observed that on the Xtenz infomercial (first mentioned in Episode 062, 44:46), they got several Eastern European representatives to get paid to say “It got bigger!”
28:57 – The sound cuts out of UYD for about 4 seconds
40:51 – Jah wants to come up with a name for his drink (OE 800 and B&J strawberry daiquiri). Jah settles on “Old Knob Slob.”
56:50 – While making fun of Sarah Palin’s “Joe the Plumber” analogies, Jah comes up with one: “Schneer the Ventriloquist.” He then comes up with another non-name that’s almost a name at 57:59: “Letern at iTunes.” Seth: “Uhh Yeah Dude. Hey this is Letern.” Jah: “And I’m Schneer.” Seth: “Downright Talking with Schneer and Letern.”
0:52 – This episode is again being sponsored by HBO and its new series “Summer Heights High.” Jah and Seth got to watch three episodes of the eight that they received and thought it was hilarious
3:23 – Seth is wearing an Operation Desert Storm t-shirt that Jonathan declares as top-notch
30:43 – In addition to the early Christmas gift Seth got Jonathan, Season 5 of Girlfriends, Seth got Jah another Jahnika present – the complete series, 33 discs, 86 episodes of The Sopranos – it only costs $400
33:00 – Jonathan again promises that there are UYD t-shirts coming (first mentioned in Episode 075). There will be 2 designs in the initial run, one of them being the seatbelt design and the other being the hairy logo on the website mockup. The t-shirts are Alternative Apparel organics, and can go from XXS to XXL
37:39 – Jah announces the new YouTube page for UYD, youtube.com/uhhyeahdude.
0:26 – This episode is once again being brought to us by HBO’s Summer Heights High, which premiered Sunday, Nov. 9
1:18 – Jonathan introduces us to a new term, brocabulary, from a newly released manifesto about dude talk. Here are some terms: friendjamins - $100 bills lent to bros; brostalgia – nostalgia for something you did with your bros; wintercourse – intercourse that occurs during winter; guybernation – spending alone time, a.k.a. pulling a Henry David Thobro; testosterzone – a place men gather to be with other men; chilliards – billiards while chilling with the bros; fellabrating a birthday or a breakup with the bros; brocrastination – killing time with your bros; prebauchery – the bro party before the party; alcopal – a bro you primarily down cold ones with; broverdose – too much time with one of your dogs; hommitment – a date that keeps you from hanging out with the bros; alcofall – a tumble while drinking. At 8:14, Jah requests more brocabulary on this show
27:54 – Someone keeps leaving Seth voicemails while singing the entire Pearl Jam catalog over the course of five months
47:21 – Jah tells us that “flashing your badge” is when a girl bends over and shows you her back-vag
47:48 – More brocabulary: punxatawney jill – a girl out at the bar who is the first one to wear inappropriate-for-winter attire before the spring is officially here
0:42 – The next Friday we will see is Black Friday. Seth has already made plans to sleep over at Jonathan’s dad’s house the night before. They’ll probably hit up the American Girl store after John makes them flapjacks at 4 a.m. Seth will “hit a Circuit City like nobody’s fuckin’ business.”
1:38 – More brocabulary this week: marriagonce – the arrogance from a newly married man; pourizontal – standing or sitting so someone can pour a can of beer in your mouth; cerebro – the bro who does the thinking for you; ESPNvy – a chick’s jealousy over your love for ESPN Sportscenter; PMScalate – a woman escalating an argument because of her PMS; guynamic – the dynamic between bros; stalkward – awkwardness that arises when trying to avoid a girl who keeps calling you; guyamese twins – two bros who are inseparable; dudanym – a name only your bros call you; felladrama – drama between homies
5:39 – Jah wonders if, as the Christmas Creep has each year gotten further and further pushed back, Black Friday’s importance has been tapered
6:35 – For the first time in a long time, Seth tells us that a place where he’s not being gouged is at the pump. Jah says it feels like high school again
41:53 – Jah updates us on UYD t-shirts. He got a good idea on who needs what in preparation of online ordering
54:58 – Seth has asked for people to stop hitting kids and then he asked for them to stop getting them stoned. Now people are letting kids fight each other. Some sites: Tiny Brawlers, Toddler Fights, etc.
0:24 – Jonathan proclaims that this is “Straight Lampin’ With Schneer & Letern.”
4:00 – Jah got a firsthand report of a concert that went down last night in the San Diego area – New Kids On The Block. At this point Seth doesn’t know anymore what is cool, ironic, futuristic, robotic or stale. He’s just lampin’ all the time and doesn’t know what is going on. He can’t tell the difference between MGMT and NKOTB and Pearl Jam and leggings and plaid shirts, etc.
15:48 – Seth says UYD received a voicemail for J-Dog, where the caller said he was up in Café Dumond thinking about him – a place where Jah used to go on Thanksgiving Day and write works
41:54 – This Thursday will be Thanksgiving, during which Seth and Jah have to get downtown early to serve food to homeless people at the House of Blues – where they will be giving an interview to ZZZlist.com. They’re looking forward to some homemade guacamole made by John Larroquette, and are expecting Ben Larroquette (Jah’s brother) to cook the meal since Jah’s mom will not be there.
1:30 – Seth says that 144 episodes is 6 full days worth of episodes, so he suggests downloading everything, doing a full six-day listen and then resting on Sunday
2:28 – Seth asks Jah if he would like to date an Asian beauty, then reads an ad promoting a service to date Asians. “Call Yan today. Yan’s Asian American Matchmaking”
4:04 – Jah apologizes to UYD Nation for the extreme delay in the UYD t-shirts. He claims there is a long postponement with Alternative Apparel due to an injury to the female he was dealing with. He was pushing to have them available by Christmas, which he doubts will happen
9:04 – More brocabulary: If a bunch of bros are broing out and having an awesome time, there’s no reason one of the bros wouldn’t get a broner.
20:45 – Seth is practicing the Mystery Method on the show and throws a neg out: “Is your hair supposed to look like that?” Jah thinks it’s directed toward him and says “It does it sometimes if I twiddle it.”
57:26 – Jah asks if it feels at all like Christmastime to Seth, because it feels so unlike Christmas to Jonathan right now. Seth is slightly feeling it. Jah thinks it’s weird that Seth will not be spending Christmastime with the Larroquettes b/c Seth’s going home to Boston. Most every other year Seth had been with him, except for 2007 when Seth’s mom came to visit LA
0:12 – It’s 11:11 p.m., so Jah asks Seth to make a wish. Seth says it just came true
19:18 – Brocabulary: broa constrictor – a bro who loves to hug and be really touchy. Jah thinks he might be one, and Amir would put him in that category
34:44 – Seth feels like he’s practically being paid to get gas
15:38 – Jah is having a tough time believing Christmas is less than a week away. He feels it much less than any other year
54:24 – Jonathan and Seth recently gave a couple interviews about UYD: the first is on Ro Hurley’s site zzzlist.com (Click Celebs and they’re on the interview page) done Thanksgiving Day at the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip, and another interview was conducted by East Coaster Patrick for his website, Robot Bites Man (click on photo on homepage and go to RBM x UYD interview)
1:02:53 – Seth says UYD will do one more show in 2008, which will be recorded on the day he leaves for Massachusetts to see his family
1:16 – Seth thinks Jonathan should take Seth to the airport, race home and upload the show and then have it up while Seth is in the sky
16:10 – Seth has told us about the 5 Ls (Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning in Los Angeles), but he needs to tell us about the 7 Ps (Proper Prior Planning Prevents a Piss-Poor Performance)
17:56 – Jah calculates that if they’re doing 50 episodes per year that UYD will get to 300 episodes before the Mayan Calendar will run out
25:23 – Seth is flabbergasted at how quiet Priuses are. He was up at Whole Foods and he saw a Prius inches away from hitting his calves and he didn’t know it was behind him because it was so quiet. Jah says you can buy an exhaust sound to go with them that senses when they’re accelerating
51:19 – Jah wonders how intoxicated someone is at .20 BAC, but Seth says no way – anyone blowing a .08 wouldn’t even feel slightly inebriated. Seth thinks it would take 15 beers to be swerving off the road. Seth knows there’s been some times when he’s driven drunk and knew he shouldn’t have been and was like “Let’s get the hands on here.” Jonathan says it’s such an avoidable thing to do, so don’t do it
53:02 – Seth reiterates that he won’t end his Playboy subscription until Hugh Hefner dies. He heard that Hef’s daughter, Christine, the CEO of Playboy, is stepping down next month, so he wonders if that counts. Jah thinks Christine revived the magazine because she let the models start showing pink. Seth thinks that’s Jah’s steez. Seth is also still waiting for his first playmate born in the 90s, which he thought would happen in ’08 but guesses he’ll have to wait until ‘09
1:02:16 – Jah adores the listeners and is so happy this is still going on. He thanks them for continuing to listen, call, e-mail, Myspace, Facebook and everything else. “You guys have made this year—as wack as it was—so dope.”
1:03:43 – Jah thinks UYD needs to keep saying “2006 for life” because they don’t know how to change it on the voicemail greeting
8:00 – Jah wonders is Seth is going to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop starring Kevin James. Seth promises he will see that and Notorious when they both come out on Jan. 16
32:33 – Jonathan’s never been on a cruise. There’s a part of Jah that’s pseudo-interested in taking one, but his fear is that he’ll be in the middle of the ocean and have a full-fledged panic attack
46:40 – Seth has a full panic attack while watching a segment on 20/20 about extreme moms who mother dolls. The babies are called “reborns.” One of the moms is so crazy that she takes the doll out and says “it’s my baby” and other mother is saying “oh she’s sleeping, she’s so cold.” The other mom: “It’s a doll!” They go to reborn conventions, etc. … They also feature moms breastfeeding their 6-year-old child. Jah says that if the kid is 18 years old and still being breastfed, he will pay to watch that on the internet
56:04 – Seth had some great conversations with listeners this week, and Jah received a large amount of Christmas and New Year’s texts. He doesn’t understand how everyone is so funny
1:05:42 – Seth says MTV’s Bromance with Brody Jenner was such a bad show, although it was funny when they all got in the hot tub for elimination. The gay dude quit because he thought he was going to be on The Hills
1:07:21 – Jah gives us another URL to go to – the web address to end all web addresses – uhhyeahdude.com, which he implies will be up and running (it’s not)
2:33 – Jah wonders how many people are named Binaca in the world after the fresh breath spray. Jah says he used to carry Binaca and Seth ponders if one can still purchase that
9:26 – On 60 Minutes, neuroscientists are laying people in CAT scans and showing them images of hammer, barn, igloo, cocaine, bees, dildos, and watching the peoples’ brains when they see the images. They can then have the person think about the certain image and they can tell what they’re thinking about because that part of the brain lights up.
15:39 – UYD is pitching two shows to networks. One is called “So You Think You’re Alive,” an existential reality/discussion show they’re trying to sell to Nova, and then “So You Think You Can Eat,” a competitive eating reality show for Food Network hosted by Dom DeLouise and Kobayashi
22:37 – Seth thinks they should have their own show called “Herda Hadda Herda” where they go into the Halla and just herda-hadda-herda
28:27 – Jah thinks we should lower the driving age to 11, but Seth thinks we should lower the drinking age to 14 and the driving age to 13
28:42 – From now on, whenever someone asks you your age, you reply with the year you are born, and that is forever your age. Jonathan will tell people “’77,” while Seth will lyingly tell people “’84.” Jah’s newest girlfriend is “’97”
41:12 – Seth: “Hey, you get that report? I need that monthly.” Jah: “It’s not finished.” Seth: “It’s not done yet?” Jah: “Nope.” Seth: “What – what have you been up to? I thought you’ve been working on it all morning?” Jah: “Pissmops!!!” (in the same groaning speak as Bigger!! by Xtenz - Episode 062, 44:46). Seth doesn’t think Pissmops is a real website but Jah looks it up on the computer to prove it
45:17 – Jah apologizes for prematurely ejaculating talk about the website last week because there were a few setbacks but they’re super close and it’s going to be up and running any minute
52:02 – Jah has not legitimately laughed at anything for the past 5 years outside of the UYD studio, Tim and Eric’s and seeing the Ween show (Episode 091, 55:11)
59:07 – Seth’s 5 favorite words are Fuck, Man, Uhh, Yeah, Dude, Like (6)
59:39 – Jah gives us some of his old secret beeper codes he would punch in – 143 or 381 means “I love you,” 411 is needing information, 187 means you’re mad at somebody and 911 means emergency. Booty call was 80085 (“boobs”)
1:00:55 – Jah wonders how many words they’ve used on UYD. Seth recommends using Weckware and Jah says to use the Weckulator
1:01:43 – Seth’s porn name is “Bandit Kimble”
1:07:34 – For those complaining about not being able to access old episodes on iTunes, Jah needs more feedback and a solution is going to Podcast Alley and downloading them directly from there or streaming them live
1:39 – Jah thinks it’s remarkable that it’s been 150 episodes of UYD and thanks everyone for listening. He’s pretty stuffed up and apologizes
19:41 – Jah has received pictures from other people who have found the pregnancy tests at 99 Cents stores and sent them. (Episode 143, 23:50) He also received a photo of Seth’s 2-door electric blue 1993 Plymouth Sundance from another UYD listener named Tavis who lives up the block from Seth
39:00 – Jah reads a factoid titled “Strip Club Etiquette” from a periodical. What a strip club isn’t: “First, a strip club is a place to watch live naked girls disrobe. It is not a place to pick up girls or get laid. Nor is it a great place to masturbate or take a first date. The girls are there to make money, period, so if one can convince you she’ll put out to part you and copious amounts of cash, she will put in an Oscar-worthy performance to do so.” Seth calls Jah a strip club aficianado, but Jah says he’s more of an intermediary.
57:03 – Jah says that with 150 episodes up, it’s safe to see we are ultra-close to having the new UYD home up on the internet. He said Nick and Weck and Josiah and Jeff are vehemently working on different aspects of the show to put it out there on the etherweb
1:01:08 – Jah announces he’s going to put a new Jogger song on for the show outro
1:02:12 – Seth thanks the mothers of UYD for all the work they’ve done on the website, flash animations and skyping, etc.
1:03:33 – Seth admits that Simon Cowell from American Idol makes him laugh sometimes. Jah thinks Seth likes him because he’s a bastard
0:36 – Jah and Seth will be drinking Bacardi 151 all night long in honor of Episode 151. The show started late because they talked about life and love and ladies for four hours. Jah: “Ladies, what is it that you want?” They watched What Women Want but it didn’t help them answer any of these questions
1:06 – Seth and Jah announced the long-awaited return of their website, uhhyeahddude.com. Jah officially thanks a few people who were involved with the launch of the new site: Weck (Weck’s Wiki), Nick aka agent (designing the site), Josiah (UYD animation, etc., and Jeff aka 55inch (making videos, many soon to come
31:44 – Seth has a picture of a young Jonathan wearing a suit and his hair is a little long. Jah recalls they were trying to get him to cut the hair because it was touching the collar. Jah thought he was in Def Leppard in that rigout.
51:43 – Seth wonders if Jah has seen the late-night infomercials for Havasu X. 4 years of amateur video taken at the lake. It’s only $30.
1:00:37 – Jonathan brings up the original rule about calling his cell phone – you have to get a friend to subscribe to UYD before you can call him (Episode 084, 2:15)
1:01:00 – Jan announces that Jogger will be flying to Princeton University on midnight on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14. Daedelus will be playing, and Cyne will be playing as well. He invites everyone to come out to it
2:35 – Seth gives an update on the CNBC “As Seen On TV” Tournament (Supplements, Ep. 151). In the semifinals, Shamwow! beat Girls Gone Wild, Foreman Grill beat Bowflex, and Shamwow! beat Foreman Grill for the championship. Seth looked up Vince from the Shamwow! Commercial, and it turns out he made a movie in 1999 called The Underground Comedy Movie, in which he sued Anna Nicole Smith for backing out of it and he sued the Farrely brothers because he claims There’s Something About Mary stole 20 scenes from him. He’s a former scientologist who’s being sued by them, and he’s an actor who worked at Farmer’s Markets selling stuff. He owns both the Shamwow! and the Slap Chop outright; he went to Germany and asked them to make him stuff.
19:19 – While watching the Miss America pageant on TLC (hosted by Mario Lopez), Seth observes that the women wear very unsexy two-piece swimsuits and flesh-colored heels
25:09 – Jah and Seth talk about the lady who had eight kids at once, and now they’re saying she has 6 other kids in addition to those. This leads into a random discussion about Juno, where Jah has to explain what happens at the end of the movie, and Seth freaks out when Jah tells him that Bateman tried to fuck Juno. Jah: “Spoiler Alert!!!”
39:20 – Jah gets excited talking about watching MMA fighter Fedor on HBO’s most recent 24/7 feature about the fight. Jah is super down with this dude. Jah also says he has never seen another company paste their name everywhere the way that Affliction has done within the MMA world. He said every corner of the ring, every turnstile, every seat, was pasted with Affliction. Even the priest that follows Fedor around is wearing an Affliction tee. Jah thinks the word will be so inundated into the lives of babies born from 2010 on that they will all be allergic to the word “Affliction.”
54:11 – Jah doesn’t get the new celebrity dating phenomenon. He’s at a point now where he’s completely flummoxed, because he doesn’t understand where the people are who are producing this stuff, because he knows there are people who eat it up, but he doesn’t personally know any himself. He wonders what compels a person like Brad Pitt to have such a drastic life change as he did. Seth can’t wait to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because he loves seeing the previews when they show his little body
57:00 – Seth dips back into the John Quiñones-hosted show “What Would You Do?” In this week’s episode, they sent in blind people into a bakery and the guy working behind the counter would be like “Yeah, what’s up Helen Keller? Step right up.” He would then hand them incorrect change with their paper money. They also did people dropping stuff at Open Houses and then interviewing the people who would just swipe stuff
0:23 – Seth tells us that this show marks UYD’s three-year anniversary. The first show was recorded on Feb. 10, 2006.
3:06 – Jah says that above and beyond anything else, he thinks The Secret works: Ask, believe, receive. (Episode 052, 0:17)
14:05 – Jah plugs Jogger’s upcoming show on Valentine’s Day with Daedelus and Cyne at Princeton University
26:49 – Jah’s phone is dead because his dog knocked it out of his hands and into a puddle
43:38 – Seth says that the Super Bowl is still not over because they still need to play one last play. If anyone wants to know about his manifesto he will be creating his own Zeitgeist. “When there’s that many blown calls it takes me longer to sift through all of it.”
49:17 – Seth reads a guide from the AARP that includes new hip lingo and definitions. The heading: VLOG, MASHUP, OMG- CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THE KIDS’ LINGO THESE DAYS? READ OUR SICK GUIDE TO YOUNG FOLKS’ SPEAK AND YOU’LL BE TIGHT, TOTES, OBVI! Some examples: Google – to use a search engine, especially Google; IDK – I don’t know; ROFL – rolling on the floor laughing; TMI – too much information; Baby Mama – the mother of one’s children, usually not a spouse; Boo – boyfriend or girlfriend; Cupcaking – engaging in a public display of affection; Scooby Doos – good shoes; noob – a newcomber; peeps – one’s closest friends; crunk – a hip-hop genre; disco nap – a short nap before a night out clubbing; check my vitals – monitor one’s e-mail, cell phone, voicemail and other electronics; floss – to show off wealth, often in a car; rock – to manifest greatness; talk smack – to speak negatively or belittle someone often in the heat of competition; fo shizzle; obvi; the bomb – the ultimate favorite; ridonculous – beyond ridiculous; sick – extremely cool; tight – fantastic; whack – unjustifiable; and badonkadonk – an attractive derriere
0:57 – Seth wants to know if it’s Friday the 13th yet so he can spook Jah at midnight
3:14 – Seth is stoked to go see the upcoming feature film Fired Up!, about Sean and Nick, the star players on their HS football team, who decide to go to cheerleading camp instead of a double session of football camp. They’re having a great time until one of them falls for the head cheerleader, who happens to have a boyfriend. To win her over they have to prove their intentions and make up new moves before the final cheer-off.
11:30 – Seth hands something to Jah that he ripped out of a book he had, which was inscribed from one of Seth’s dad’s friends to Seth’s dad. He asks Jah to read it. The book is “Baby, That Was Rock And Roll: The Legendary Leiber and Stoller.” The inscription reads: Joey: I can dig it, they can dig it, we can dig it. Can you dig it? 12/24/79 Are you ready for the 80s?
37:06 – Jah asks Seth if he’s familiar with Singular City magazine, a hip L.A. singles magazine which Amir gets delivered to his home for some reason.
1:04:55 – Seth thanks the fine people at Sports Illustrated for their annual swimsuit edition. Jah calls it “a doozy of an ish.”
1:06:40 – In these tough economic times, Seth hopes this free podcast will enable people to have UYD Parties
1:08:24 – Seth: “What’s it like to have the shit scared out of you on Friday the 13th?”
0:34 – Jah informs us that hiccupping is when your diaphragm goes into spasms
2:07 – The only water fountains Jah has even touched in three years are the same 2 at the park where he takes his dogs. He uses them to fill up their water bowls. Sometimes he’ll give Norman some Aquafina at home, however.
3:14 – Jah and Seth just got a knock from the other apartment for being too loud because they started so late because Jah messed up with the computer. The knocking persists at 3:29.
6:30 – Seth wonders if they’re going to Mardi Gras, but they’ve decided to go to Jazz Fest this year and Mardi Gras next year. Seth has never been to one but he hopes one day he could go. Jah has been to Mardi Gras.
18:06 – Jonathan is going to Europe for some experimental therapy (really a 3 ½ week Jogger Tour with The Long Lost), and Seth announces that Episodes 157, 158 and 159 will be brought to listeners in their entirety on time – they are “The Lost Episodes” that were recorded before Episode 001 launched. UYD will be back with a fresh episode in 160. Episode 157 will be 90 minutes long, Episode 158 will be 30 minutes long and Episode 159 will be the normal 60-minute length. Seth and Jah listened to them and think they’re very interesting.
27:02 – Seth is wondering if he is supposed to believe that, according to PepsiCo., Will.I.Am is Bob Dylan? Jah likes Will.I.Am and thinks he’s a super nice guy, but thinks that shows an immense amount of disrespect to allow yourself to be compared to someone like that.
28:53 – Seth wants to know what Andy Milonakis is up to
46:21 – Jah is a fan of 50 water (Vitamin Water), but he has a problem with Crystalline Fructose, which he thinks he has a problem with – it gasses him up
47:48 – Seth says that if we listen to closely to 157, 158 and 159, we might hear a different title for these episodes
56:10 – Seth dips back into The Lost Episodes that will be forthcoming. Seth wants the listeners to take it with a grain of salt because it’s the first three times Jah and Seth turned on microphones and just spit heat.
57:19 – UYD just celebrated their 3-year anniversary, and Jah and Seth thank listeners for sending them anniversary cards and Valentine’s Day cards.
59:00 – Seth points out that the amount of UYD downloads has been really high the last couple of weeks, which is awesome.
0:14 – Jah announces this is a farewell episode. Seth says this is a podcast but it’s also like a dance.
10:31 – Seth dips back in to the issue of Pepsi comparing Will.I.Am to Bob Dylan (Episode 155, 27:02). Upon further review, Seth doesn’t even know who Will.I.Am is.
27:53 – Seth re-explains that Episode 157 will be a 90-minute episode, Episode 158 is a 30-minute episode and Episode 159 is a 60-minute episode — all test-run shows that they recorded back in 2006 prior to Episode 001 — as Jah goes on a 3-week tour in Europe with Jogger and The Long Lost. Jah and Seth hope we’re down with them because they’re interesting.
48:11 – The audio of the show appears to get completely cut off after Jah says “It’s a city!” and then resumes with a different news item.
51:00 – Seth is wondering why young girls are so slutty these days. Jah explains that the same girl that got fingered under the bleachers when they were in high school are now the girls letting dudes film them in a little porn with a camera phone.
56:52 – Seth thinks that if you get the best version of yourself in Heaven, Seth will roll in with his 1977 Chevy Cheyenne listening to UYD episodes on cassette tape while Jah has to dub them down every week.
0:00 – The recording begins with Seth saying he’s going to go to QVC to buy something. This lost episode was originally recorded on Sunday, Jan. 7, 2006.
3:55 – Seth wants Jah to perform the “Fag Test” on him right now, and Seth explains what it is (Episode 061, 49:05): You hold your wrist out, and Scott House takes a pencil and digs it onto your wrist until it punctures the skin, and if you pull your wrist away from his hand before the skin breaks, you’re a fag.
8:54 – Secret Service codes: Hilary Clinton – Evergreen; Mammy Eisenhower – Springtime.
16:33 – Seth explains that 26-inch rims are called Deuce McAllisters because Deuce wears No. 26 for the New Orleans Saints (Episode 009, 9:20).
17:50 – Jah lists off all the forms of medicine for indigestion, hearburn, stomach gas, etc. (Episode 003, 34:00).
21:54 – Jah is down with the name Preston because that’s his middle name
40:53 – Seth wonders what the name of Alan Cumming’s cologne is (Episode 073, 31:04).
57:22 – Jah goes over the Yoplait Yogurt campaign “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09)
1:04:39 – Jah gives the original name of UYD, “The Jesus & John Show.”
1:11:00 – Seth claims they technically haven’t done a show because the inaugural show is coming up. Jah doesn’t think anyone is ever going to hear this, because they just needed to hear their own gay voices to test it out.
1:27:03 – Jah and Seth decide to call it quits since they’re at 90-something minutes at 1:42 a.m. Jah: “I’m gonna stop this and we’re going to listen back to it and no one’s going to ever hear it.”
0:11 – Jah calls this “Jesus and John, Episode 2, 12:41 a.m. on Jan. 21.” This is also Jah’s mother’s birthday
6:19 – Seth wonders if he could look any more awkward the first time he’s ever been on the mic. Jah says they’re both using microphones this week.
32:54 – Seth said they didn’t have much material and they tried their best, but they were both very tired going into this recording. Jah wonders if they just started again, would it be funnier? Jah says it would be smoother, not necessarily funnier, but it would allow them to know where they’re going to go next. After Seth confirms they did 30 minutes, the show ends abruptly.
0:39 – Jah shocks us by telling us this is being recorded on March 24, 2009 – giving us a fresh episode instead of a lost episode as there had been the previous two weeks
4:45 – Questions that came up in the time since Jah has been gone: 1) The pronounciation of Tempe, Ariz.; 2) Is it middle school or junior high; 3) What’s the deal with Catnip?
10:03 – Seth is so glad Jah’s back because he appreciates the perspective on human nature, psyche, etc., that J-Dawg adds to the show’s element.
15:07 – Seth and Jah announce that they have premium quality UYD t-shirts on sale. Seth describes that it feels like your favorite t-shirt. The shirts are Alternative Earth 100% organic cotton. The design is the hair logo, created by artists/friends of the show Kozy and Dan. Jah says the information will be up soon. Jah wore one of the shirts in Europe. He thinks it’s more awkward for J-Dawg to wear it because it’s a little more obvious by the design that it’s him on the shirt. He also doesn’t know if it’s OK to wear a Jogger t-shirt since it’s his own band. J-Dawg’s dad and mom both own shirts and Jah’s mom might be handling some of the phone ordering, so they caution not to be rude as some voicemail callers can tend to be.
35:01 – Seth notes that the day Jonathan left the country, the word “twitter” started being said nonstop for three weeks and wouldn’t stop. Jah said someone texted him “Twitter is Facebook for minimalists,” which he thought was funny. When Seth told his father about that, his father got really mad at him.
50:33 – Seth tells us we might have thought we were getting the third lost episode, but they are fully back.
1:09:45 – Jah says that Daedelus and Jogger have an EP that’s out, and you can buy a t-shirt designed by Kozy and Dan and get the six-song EP for free – the EP is titled Friends of Friends.
20:02 – Jah has been out of the country for a while and he wants to know how Jimmy Fallon’s late night show is doing, which forces Seth to sit down.
28:29 – Jah wonders if the economic situation with this country is actually as bad as he thinks when he gets these random pangs inside of him.
31:48 – Seth wonders what déjà vu is, and Jah explains that it is while experiencing something, your brain misfires and tries to file something that’s supposed to be in your short-term memory into your long-term memory.
1:00:15 – Seth proposes an idea for buying UYD t-shirts: buy a t-shirt for the person who turned you on to UYD
57:55 – Jah apologizes and tells us one last time that the t-shirts are actually up this time. He claims his job is done, he has handed everything over and it is happening
1:02:26 – Seth wants to know what porn sites Jonathan would recommend, Jah says that girls go to Uporn and guys go to Pornhub. Jah says girls like to J.O. to amateur porn because it actually has the ability to arouse them vs. shitty produced porn.
1:04:14 – Seth is upset that he got dragged down into the mud for announcing the t-shirts, even though it was completely J-dawg’s fault
5:38 – Seth wants to know what’s up with English people and their shitty teeth and bad dental hygiene. Jah explains that they have free public healthcare so people don’t pay for orthodontic work
11:11 – Seth isn’t sure how you establish how two 15-year-olds are in a committed relationship. From his past experience, he would look into a beautiful woman’s eyes and they would have one malted with two straws. Seth: “I don’t know what the kids do now.” Jah: “They cum on their face.”
11:40 – Seth wants to know if it’s “yard sale” or “garage sale.” Jah says “garage sale.” Seth thinks it’s “yard sale” because he didn’t grow up with a garage. Jah throws in “rummage sale” for good measure.
46:18 – Radio ads featuring plumber Mike Diamond say “we guarantee our plumber will show up on time and smell good.” Is Seth to believe that if he thumbed through the Yellow Pages and saw a plumber who didn’t demand such par excellence, will they smell like shit?
52:26 – Jah and Seth are thankful for the influx of t-shirt orders and more are soon to be in stock – both white and black. They weren’t anticipating getting swamped with orders. They thanked everyone who donated to the show as well.
1:05:59 – Jah announces that he’s going to Coachella, and he’s going to put a condom and sunblock on before he goes
4:20 – For their next episode, Episode 164, UYD will be doing a free live show on Saturday, May 2, from 11 p.m. to midnight, at Improv Olympic West, 6366 Hollywood Blvd., at the Andy Dick Black Box Theater. You enter on Cosmo. They have a bar in the lobby, where there will be $3 Pabst Blue Ribbons. There’s no parking anywhere near the place, save for valet, so UYD suggests that you carpool
9:35 – Seth suggests that he and Jah should buy a bar and call it “Uhh Yeah Bar.” It would be more low-key with a patio to smoke, a chill bar and an overall great place to just lamp and discuss sociogeopolitical issues.
11:12 – Jah might be getting sick but that might just be because of the information he gets hit with when discussing news. Seth says that it’s perfect for him to get sick now because he’ll bounce back by the end of the week and be ready to go by Saturday night for the live show.
12:13 – Seth wants to know if Hugh Jackman is bona fide queer. Jah thinks it’s an unfair assumption just because he likes showtunes. Seth thinks it’s official because Jackman is 40 years old and the reigning Sexiest Man Alive, yet his wife is 15 years older than him and their kids are adopted.
16:10 – This week’s show is brought to you by R&D Kitchen
16:33 – Seth wants to know why bands are reissuing old albums but they’re not making new ones. He’s referring specifically to Pearl Jam and their re-release of Ten (1991). Jah doesn’t have a problem with it because he loves the record.
38:26 – Jah missed out on Earth Day Wednesday and thought it was always supposed to fall on a weekend.
1:00:45 – It just hit Seth that the end of this show is near and the next time they do this show it won’t be in the friendly confines of Hobart Blvd., it’ll be on Hollywood Blvd., where dreams are made and broken. They will be amongst friends, which will be a wonderful feeling. They did some pre-pro on the Andy Dick Black Box Theater, and it will be an intimate setting. The first 2 or 3 rows will likely need plastic sheets. One way or another, you’re getting wet. You can’t drink in their theater so you’ll have to do so beforehand.
1:06:12 – Jah updates the UYD t-shirts situation, and says there will probably be some on sale at the show next week.
0:17 and 0:31 – The audience laughter in the background reveals that this is indeed a live UYD show
0:24 – Seth didn’t know if Jah could smoke in the theater so he brought him some Camel Snus for him. The tagline – “Your cigarettes might get jealous.”
1:32 – Jah wonders if everyone can hear them OK, because he finds it ridiculous that they’re holding microphones that aren’t amplified to the people in front of them.
3:56 – Seth asks Jah that if he were one of the states that didn’t have Swine Flu, would they feel like they were left out of the mix? Jah wants to know what Swine Flu is, because he doesn’t think he needs to worry about it. He thinks he had it for 24 hours.
8:34 – Jah hasn’t given any thought to what they’re doing for Prom, but after Seth tells him the theme is Hawaiian leis, Jah says he’s in.
17:58 – Seth wants to know if people use Classmates.com. Jah says no way.
18:31 – This show is brought to you by Facebook.
53:47 – After listing off the other podcasts that are featured on iTunes (Adam Carolla, Prairie Home Companion and Onion News Network) along with UYD, Jah and Seth bump it and get a round of applause.
0:53 – Jah comes in with some crazy voice distortion that repeats 6 times with Seth saying “Hallelujah” toward the end. It finally wraps up at 2:10.
2:21 – Seth and Jah thank everyone who turned out for the live show, and Jah says they had a good time and they’re going to do it again.
13:08 – Seth shares a birthday with Ted Neeley (Sept. 20), who was in the original cast of Hair and was also Jesus Christ Superstar
49:43 – Seth wonders if it’s crazy for colleges to allow co-ed dorm rooms
50:23 – Seth thinks “All Star” by Smashmouth should be UYD’s theme song (Episode 070, 44:18).
52:08 – Jah has a panicked reaction to the picture Seth holds up of the woman who had the face transplant, Connie Culp, who was shot in the face in 2004 by her husband, who also shot himself in the face and lived.
59:46 – Seth’s pit type is not Sensitive, Hairy or Sweaty – he’s going to create his own.
1:01:02 – Last week’s live show was shot with 3-camera Hi-def film and they will be getting footage of it out to UYD nation.
1:03:48 – On iTunes, Seth observed that UYD was featured at No. 4, then slid off the featured list and came back on.
0:14 – The episode kicks off with the winning rendition of the Smashmouth/UYD “All Star.” The lyrics are as follows: Somebody once told me that Jah was gonna school me / Seth has too much stuff in his head / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of “UYD” on her forehead / Well the stories start coming and they don’t stop coming / Back to the mics and they hit the ground running / Doesn’t make sense so they both make fun / Your brain gets scared and your head gets dumb / So much to say so many peeds / So make sure you don’t take the back streets / You’ll always laugh if you download / You’ll never get sick of this show / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold / It’s a cool show and it only gets bolder / It’s sitting right now in your iTunes folder / And all the episodes tend to differ / They’ve even had a few that had HD picture / Some stuff’s out, and some stuff’s in / The weather’s getting warm, can you show me the twins? / My world’s gone crazy how about yours / At least with UYD I know I’ll I never get bored / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold / Somebody once asked Jah to spare some change for gas / He had no pants and crack cocaine on his face / Jah said yep, buddy you bet / You’re legit as far as I can tell / And I’ve got more than just a little change / Well the stories start coming and they don’t stop coming / Back to the mics and they hit the ground running / Doesn’t make sense so they both make fun / Your brain gets scared and your head gets dumb / So much to say so many peeds / So make sure you don’t take the back streets / You’ll always laugh if you download / You’ll never get sick of this show / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold … Jah can’t keep up with the karaoke machine and fades out by the second verse.
4:28 – Jah is wearing Bugle Boy jeans in the studio right now. Jah used to get panic attacks from the Bugle Boy commercials.
37:35 – Seth wants to know what’s up with all the electronic billboards he’s seeing around time. He saw one that had a picture of a baby with grandparents announcing the birth of their first grandchild. Jah thinks it came out right before the economic crisis, and it was supposed to be featuring cool movies but instead it’s more like public access TV.
47:58 – Jah believes that we are in a phase where shit has totally shifted and changed, and we have moved to a new way of how we see and receive information and entertainment – but we’re still in this nether-region where there are people who have had a job for a long time where they’re giving us something we think we need to see and hear – but there’s no need for them anymore. There’s a dead world hovering around us, but it’s effect has been lessened so much that it doesn’t exist and it’s sort of already over.
1:02:49 – Jah thanks listener John for submitting the Smashmouth lyrics.
1:03:48 – Jah says he’s going to have to with a different t-shirt for XXLs because of the large neckhole
0:29 – Jah asks Seth if, when he pulls up to a gas station and during a transaction asks for $20 on No. 2 and puts in his gas, around what numerical price does the pump come to a grinding halt and trickle out the last 50 cents? Seth doesn’t have patience for that and packs it up. Jah thinks it exists exactly for this purpose, so people will just give it up and leave, giving the gas companies more profit.
8:48 – Seth reads some of the comments that accompany a Peoplemagazine.com report about Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper being an item — Brenda Bilger: Why does everyone want to hook Jennifer up? LOL. Jen will be fine, and she’d make a great mom. Maybe she’ll adopt and give some adorable lucky little one a good home. Maybe that’s God’s plan. Who knows? Good luck on whatever life brings you, Jen. I too went through a divorce. I’m 40, I’m single and I’m happy. You’ll be fine. Believe me. … Jenny Oliva Rados: Jen deserves a good man. She’s such a sweet woman. Some day her prince will come. I’m sure of it. … Debra: I think she should go out with Michael Vartan from Alias. I think they’d make a beautiful couple with beautiful kids. He’s down to earth, loves animals and has his own money. Jen should go for him, he’s so much better than Brad. … Anna: No. I think the perfect man for Jen would be John Stamos. They share Greek heritage. He was born August 19, 1963, which makes him a Leo, she was born February 11, 1969, which makes her an Aquarius. Great match for the two of them. … Sarah: She’ll find her knight in shining armor. Trust. Seth explains that these were only a few of 700 comments left on the website.
16:01 – Jah recommends that UYD listeners rent the documentary Chicken Hawk, about a creepy pedophile and NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association).
24:29 – Jah doesn’t think there’s a single thing that he’s learned in this world that he learned from somebody else.
32:12 – Jonathan references their boy Patrick from Robot Bites Man (Episode 146, 54:24), who interviewed UYD several months ago.
39:43 – Seth wonders if it’s time to update the sexual metaphors with bases in baseball. Jah says that it should be kept in the baseball realm, but first base should be oral – minimum fingering. Seth thinks first base should be above the waist.
1:00:48 – Seth asks about the UYD t-shirts, Jah says there’s a crazy debacle with the companies they’re using. He has to wait for another shipment because they’ll sell out too fast if he puts up what he has now. He promises new graphics on new shirts.
3:37 – Seth’s mother is having a yard sale this weekend and Seth wishes her good luck, even though she’s selling everything for $1.
19:15 – Seth gives a summer warning for people to watch out for peeds in and around ice cream trucks. Jah wonders if anyone else has mobile lunch trucks like they do in L.A. (Korean BBQ, Taco, Vegan, etc.)
1:05:56 – Uhh Yeah Dude has been pinballing around the iTunes rankings. They escalated as high as No. 3 and then fell off the top 15; however, they were up to No. 38 this week for total downloads, which is really high — possibly the highest they’ve been.
6:05 – An Incredible Hulk is 2 shots of Hpnotiq and 2 shots of Hennessy. Jah explains that they taste like human sweat but they get you extremely hammered. Jah technically only had a single, which Seth labels a “Bruce Banner.”
33:17 – UYD T-shirts will be on the website next week. There will be both black and white shirts
35:40 – Jah hasn’t logged into Myspace for a very long time. Every once in a while he begrudgingly logs in because he feels bad that he asked people to go there for so long.
36:15 – Jah isn’t smoking on the show anymore but he has congestion nonetheless
46:00 – The name of Seth’s autobiography is Metabolism for Pornography. Chapter 6 is entitled “UYD.”
46:10 – Seth was watching a funeral in Ohio for a clown that passed away. The pallbearers were all clowns, and everyone standing around the casket were clowns, and it was pretty scary for him watching it.
1:05:17 – UYD continues to bounce around the iTunes rankings, which Seth can’t make much sense of.
1:06:38 – The Integratron is a dome-shaped structure constructed out of plywood and fiberglass by George van Tassel. He built the structure in Landers, Calif., as a “rejuvenation machine,” supposedly following instructions provided by visitors from the planet Venus. Van Tassel was a former aircraft mechanic and flight inspector who moved out to California’s Mojave Desert to operate an airport and inn. During his time there he supposedly began meditating under a giant rock which the Native Americans of the area held to be sacred. In August of 1953 van Tassel claimed that he had been contacted both telepathically and later in person by the Nusians, who gave him the technique to rejuvenate human cell tissues. Van Tassel, acting on these instructions, began constructing the Integratron in 1954. Construction costs were paid for by an annual series of successful UFO conventions, the Giant Rock Spacecraft Conventions, which continued on for nearly 25 years. Van Tassel was clearly inspired by early 1950s contactee George Adamske. Construction was supposedly complete in 1959 but van Tassel continued to make minor modifications until his sudden death in 1978. The Integratron, despite being built without nails, survived a magnitude of 7.3 earthquake in 1992. The workings of the Integratron, according to van Tassel, supposedly rely chiefly on two principles. The principle involves the occult sacred geometry of domes, and their ability to concentrate mystical energies within the earth. The Integratron is also said to be constructed atop a powerful energy vortex. According to adherents of this belief, the dome shape naturally concentrates the energy of the vortex for the benefit of users. Also, the building is said to borrow design cues from the Tabernacle of Moses and the King’s Chamber of the Great Pyramid of Giza – both of which were thought by some occultists to have similar energy-focusing properties. The second part of the theory centers around the belief that human beings are truly electrical in nature. It is believed that though each individual has a unique personal wavelength, the multiple wavelengths of energy put out by “focusing and concentrating devices” such as the Integratron will find a resonance with individuals’ basic harmonic frequency and recharge his cellular structure as if he were a battery. After Van Tassel died there was a proposal to turn the Integratron into a disco but these plans were never realized. The new owners now operate it as a tourist attraction, allow scientific studies of the structure and promote the unusual practice of a “sound bath.” During a sound bath groups of people are exposed to harmonic sound frequencies produced by quartz bowls. This is said to have a deep calming effect. The Integratron website claims it is the only all-wood acoustically perfect sound chamber in the U.S.
0:58 – UYD is coming to us on battery power.
4:13 – Seth saw a picture of his good friend Barack Obama on Air Force One with a cell phone in a holster on his belt.
5:24 – Jah tells us that both black and white t-shirts are at the printers as we speak
38:56 – Jah brings up the act of using a loved one’s ashes to make a tattoo in the likeness of the person (Episode 040, 46:44). Jah pledges to get one made of Seth when he dies.
58:01 – In order to get t-shirts, you have to go to uhhyeahdude.com. Jah will possibly force buyers to join the forums in order to order them, because he wants people there in case he wants to contact people.
59:51 – Jah wonders if Seth has ever had sex in a gym, but he says no. He’d do it in a tanning bed though.
0:56 – Seth can’t believe it’s already June 19 and wonders where the year has gone
19:13 – UYD is getting reports back from agents in the field of Jamie Foxx showing up in people’s laundry baskets, garage door openers and the Matrix. He is you and you are he.
25:47 – Jah and Seth went to a guy named Winter’s website, who has documented his visits to 9,094 Starbucks locations internationally (8,430 in North America). Jah was familiar with basically every one Winter had visited in greater Los Angeles.
52:53 – Seth throws out a disclaimer for the 98% of UYD listeners who aren’t vegetarians for going off on Jonathan for giving it up so casually. Seth just equates it to claiming you simply jerked off a dude last week.
57:26 – Jah explains the concept of “sharking” – a fad of people in Japan, where dudes jerk off and right before they ejaculate they run up to a stranger at a bus stop and splooge in their faces.
1:00:46 – Jonathan thinks aliens live among us. He thinks here is there.
1:02:40 – Jah allows Seth to give a t-shirt update. They are being delivered tomorrow and they can start taking orders on them soon. Jah just wants to take pictures of them so he can have them up on the website. He says there’s exclusively girls’ sizes and then on up from there. Jah is super stoked about the product they have, and Seth promises that everyone who wants a T shall have a T.
1:04:48 – Seth wonders if he should try fish (not Phish). Jah thinks maybe, in certain circumstances. Jah thinks he may have to do more research on where the fish is coming from, etc.
32:15 – Jah wonders how long before Pizza Hut changes its name to “Da Hut,” and Seth thinks it will eventually be “Da Butt.” (Episode 032, 45:08)
57:53 – Jah plugs the new t-shirts again. They’re so soft and comfortable and people love them.
1:08:31 – Jah ends the show with a joke: Do you know what Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson have in common? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys.
19:42 – Jonathan references Google ads through Gmail (Episode 157, 11:46).
20:00 – Jonathan references digiscrapping (Episode 008, 29:23; Episode 028, 7:27).
33:24 – Seth saw a commercial for Ore Ida crispy fries, and the motif of the ad was “Stand and Deliver.” One person is holding an extra crispy Ore Ida French fry that is fully erect with ketchup on the tip and ready to be eaten. The other guy is holding his drippy, tiny uncircumcised French fry.
43:39 – Seth and Jah string a bunch of herda-hatta-herdas together.
47:58 – Seth drives a 1993 Plymouth Sundance and he wants nothing more than a Marauder with tinted windows.
1:03:53 – If you go to the website, there’s a new button called “Media,” which is a new offering. There’s an 18-minute long video of things Seth recorded on his home VCR. Jah pledges new t-shirt designs as well.
0:38 – There have been a lot of tech issues this week, with listeners being unable to download the last couple episodes. As of last check, Jah declares that the episodes are downloading fine. He also says that people are getting the new shipment of t-shirts.
8:27 – Seth wants to know what happened to Craig Kilborn. The last time Jah saw him was in Old School, which he accidentally refers to as Knocked Up. Jah thinks he’s an asshole and that’s why he hasn’t gotten any work.
20:59 – Seth says UYD is thinking about doing a live show in Brooklyn, N.Y., in August, but if they’re going to do it they need a head count on how many bodies will be there. Those interested in seeing the live show in Brooklyn need to call the UYD voicemail (888-842-2357) and express interest.
22:12 – Jah and Seth dip back into the UYD tech issues. Amir couldn’t download 172 or 173 and called Jah to complain, yet Seth got a hundred voicemails saying they loved the show. Seth also plugs the 18-minute montage video that he created that was put up under the “Media” tab on the website.
23:47 – UYD busted out on iTunes this week and before Seth knew it, they were getting phone calls telling them they were the 19th-most downloaded comedy podcast.
1:06:34 – UYD t-shirts are so soft. Grown men are wearing them and sending proof of it via photos to Jah.
1:32 – Seth has apparently been watching some Goodfellas because he starts talking like an East Coast Italian.
19:46 – Seth references his childhood friend, Peter Martellucci (Episode 037, 41:31; Episode 106, 33:58; Episode 131, 13:42).
20:34 – Last week Seth requested people to call the voicemail to gauge how many people could come to an East Coast show in August, and they got several calls. Those who haven’t called should continue to call and express their interest.
22:04 – Jah said the UYD tech issues should be all cleared up, now that all the audio hosting is going through uhhyeahdude.com. Jah profusely thanks Tavis and Nick for getting this up and running.
39:59 – Jah wants to get back to brass tacks and asks if jerking off to porn is cheating on a significant other. Seth thinks so. Jah thinks all bets are off if the female is in the room with them and approves of it. Jah is willing to accept it if he entered into a relationship and the girl didn’t want him to look at porn because it’s cheating.
1:01:38 – Seth says that obviously if UYD had the resources it would do shows in Philly, Chicago, D.C., Boston, etc. In the meantime they’re trying their best.
1:02:50 – Computer security expert Tadayoshi Kohno of the University of Washington published a paper in the July issue of Neurosurgical Focus that questions if steps need to be taken for the future possibility of hackers someday being able to take over other people’s brains, because researchers have developed technology that makes it possible to use thoughts to operate computers, wheelchairs, etc., at basic introductory levels. As neural devices become more complicated and as scientific research develops these systems to become more specific, dynamic and ultimately wireless, brain hackers need to be taken more seriously. These neuralcentric devices are innovating at such a rapid rate that hackers could eventually commandeer deep brain stimulators or electrode systems. As with all tech, bugs or malfunctions are always going to be present, and hackers will always be able to distinguish and then misuse or abuse these miniscule little mistakes.
3:02 – If you’re still having technical issues with CFISD, Jah doesn’t know what else to say except they’re getting fewer and farther between
7:31 – Last week Jah asked Seth what kind of soy yogurt he was eating, and Jah wondered if it was Stonyfield Farm. Seth didn’t know at the time but this week reveals that it’s Whole Soy, cherry flavor.
8:08 – Seth wonders if Jah has ever heard of the band The Tragically Hip. Supposedly they’re the biggest band ever from Canada and Seth can’t believe he hasn’t heard of them if that’s true.
23:36 – Seth recalls when UYD tried to register for pickup lines and they signed Jah up for a monthly charge but never sent him one (Episode 093, 1:23, Episode 094, 1:01:44). Jah says the only pickup line that works is just going straight in and introducing yourself. Otherwise you better know something awesome about whatever they’re looking at or doing or buying, which means you need to listen to UYD because they know everything awesome about everything. Then you’re in. Dudes have figured it out who have been listening to UYD for three years.
45:41 – UYD is still figuring things out for an August or September show in New York City.
56:02 – Seth is curious about the user comments that appear under news stories on the internet, and how some commenter tries to make a connection to a person or place mentioned in the local story. He recalls one dude posting that Kurt Wild messed his sandwich up when he was researching the Subway story (Episode 132, 29:01).
1:00:19 – Seth wonders if he’s the only person left in this country that leaves voicemail messages. Jah thinks you can call your cell phone provider and get voicemail removed from your plan, even though it’s hard to do. Jah says people leave horrific messages nowadays, whereas Seth leaves detailed messages. Seth leaves messages for people, and they’ll just hit him back with a call without checking the message to see what he was calling about.
4:39 – Jah brings up a topic that means a lot to a lot of people in his life right now – polyamorous lifestyles. It’s ethical non-monogamy, devotees engaging in intimate relationships with more than one person simultaneously. It is based on knowledge and consent of all parties involved. The movement includes recently published books, local get-togethers, poly podcasts and an online magazine called Loving More. Jah claims that this doesn’t work – you can have deep meaningful relationships while maintaining other ones but at a certain point, it becomes too hard to not turn the creep corner.
39:19 – Seth asks Jah if he’s ever heard of eating Vaseline for a sore throat.
1:09:51 – Jah understands that all Skittles are now gelatin free and don’t have ground-up calves hoofs in them. He can now eat them again as a good vegetarian.
1:10:42 – UYD will have definitive details by next week regarding their New York live show.
1:12 – Seth wishes Jonathan a happy 32nd birthday
24:30 – UYD announces their upcoming live show in New York, at the Public Assembly in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn on Saturday, Oct. 17.
31:57 – Jah is chewing Dentyne Ice, and we can hear the crinkling of the wrapper.
43:01 – DayWannaCumAlot is Jonathan’s Native American name
48:22 – Brinks Home Security is now Broadview, and they have a shitty new commercial on to introduce it, showing a guy sitting in his Chevy Cobalt and then going apeshit, kicking down a door, etc.
54:46 – Jah reads an ad about Southern California’s Premiere 3D/4D Fetal Ultrasound Experience. The slogan is “Here’s Looking at You, Baby.” If you bring the ad in when you get your ultrasound, you get a free tote bag with your ultrasound image on it.
1:04:32 – Seth wonders why people put emphasis on the wrong syllable when they say things: “I was watching the TV,” “I went to eat at Taco Bell,” etc. (Episode 016, 34:13).
1:05:36 – Seth once again plugs the live UYD show at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, N.Y. on Oct. 17.
1:06:06 – Jah promises new t-shirts coming through and some new designs as well.
4:06 – Jah references the Pepsi Jazz ad (Episode 034, 0:26).
5:52 – Jah knows how a sitcom work week works, because he’s a lot kid (Episode 066, 13:41).
10:37 – Jah wonders if Seth has noticed that he’s using a new microphone right now. Seth says it looks great, but he’s not jealous because he loves his own mic so much.
39:00 – Jah says he’s never done a self-portrait photo, then corrects himself and says he has – but not in public. Seth insists Jah has done it in public or at least in an alley.
42:56 – Seth wants to start a new segment called Jonathan’s Tweets
44:39 – Seth is surprised that Obama is still alive, shooting hoops at the White House.
58:33 – Jah plugs their live show on Oct. 17 in Brooklyn’s Public Assembly. If you are traveling, need to see the show and need to guarantee entry into it, do so via the link next to the airplane on the website. While Jah is telling this he wonders how his balls and cock look in their “moose knuckle” form right now.
1:04:00 – Jah says they talked a few weeks ago about the girl who stabbed her boyfriend who was jerking off to porn on the couch, which sparked a debate on the forums about whether or not that’s cheating. Jah says that in a relationship, there may be some merit to having the only porn being viewed done so mutually. Doing it in secret is more shady because it causes mad problems in people’s relationships.
1:22 – Seth says it’s incredibly hot in the studio right now
8:29 – Seth is creeped out by the Avatar trailer, but he figured J-dawg would be down with it.
22:10 – Jah asks Seth how many people he knows who still steal cable. Seth doesn’t know anyone but Jah says it’s still fully do-able. Seth says it’s OK if you do it from Time Warner, which Jah and Seth both declare the “worst company ever.”
22:30 – Jah received notification that AT&T has full service at Burning Man (Episode 012, 53:20, Episode 081, 19:58). Seth says Burning Man has its own post office as well. There are daily flights in and out of San Francisco going to Burning Man.
43:26 – Jah says he is sweating more than he has in this apartment ever. He wonders if it happens every year, Seth confirms this.
44:18 – Seth plugs the live show on Oct. 17 in Brooklyn’s Public Assembly. If you plan on going, please RSVP via the UYD website. Jah says this is because they’re not selling tickets and they’re keeping it gangster. Since there will be free alcohol at the show, it will be a 21-and-over ONLY show. There was nothing they could do about that because it is being sponsored by myopenbar.com. However, Jah says if underage people will be in the area, they will try to accommodate them in any way they can.
58:08 – Phrases typed into some type of a search engine where UhhYeahDude.com became the final destination: LABlowjobStories.blogspot.com … Oh so tough economic times … Holla back for a dope cock … Yo dog, you dead dog … Bruce cocked … Boner rage … Leaky boners … Fat Val Kilmer … Lesbiamis … Herda hatta herda … Cum on a bible … Fucking a warm melon … The white man calls her flute playing wind … Cold Stone forearms … Jesus Christ walks into a bar … Mystic Tan panic attacks … Teens getting fucked in their sleep … Who shouldn’t take ecstacy? … Wife not interested in cock.
1:03:01 – Seth marvels at Episode 181 being a palindrome. He was the Class of 1991 and he remembers learning that during an assembly.
1:05:00 – Seth tells listeners that if they happen to call the UYD voicemail, not to do it while driving with the windows down and yelling numbers with sirens wailing in the background.
0:49 – This episode of Uhh Yeah Dude is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go there you will get 50% off every item in the mix. This is an adult website, a distributor of adult themed products. If you type in UYD in the offer code when you check out, you’ll get several free items. Seth calls it a UYDildo. Jah believes he beat off to a couple Adam and Eve catalogs when he was younger.
4:07 – Seth: “Trying to explain what Burning Man is to someone who has never been to the event is a bit like trying to explain what a particular color looks like to someone who is blind.” (Episode 012, 53:20) … Jah says he was supposed to leave tonight to go out to Burning Man.
12:10 – Times used to be different – if you were in trouble you’d grab a cop or a mailman. You can’t even grab a security guard because they’re convicted felons. Jah thinks you have to grab a Guardian Angel with a red beret and boots.
34:32 – Jah thinks he needs to go back to school in some capacity. There’s so much he’s interested in that he’s not smart enough to do on his own. Seth thinks this would never happen because some girl would look at him during class and 10 minutes later he’d be in her dorm room boning down and talking about vegan sauerkraut.
35:47 – Seth has been doing a lot of thinking. He says basically any boy from age 7 or 8 to about age 17 is going to kill him. He sees kids in Jamba Juice and can tell they don’t like him. Jah says “they love me.” Seth wonders if the reverse is true for females, and Jah says older females are looking to the young girls for fashion tips, but they simultaneously want to eradicate all of them.
38:59 – Seth plugs the live show in Brooklyn, N.Y., in Public Assembly on Saturday, Oct. 17. Jah encourages people to RSVP and look for a response e-mail.
43:39 – UYD again plugs AdamandEve.com. Jah saw some prostate massagers in there that looked pretty aggressive.
1:50 – This episode of UYD is sponsored by AdamandEve.com and there is a banner ad for it on the homepage. Seth wanted to contact Adam and Eve to find something slightly more tasteful so that when their parents logged on the website they wouldn’t see a vag and ass staring them in the face. … If you type in UYD in your checkout code you get 50% off any item. … Jah says that the combo of the banner ad and the UYD slogans refreshing atop it were pretty much awesome.
19:26 – Jah says UYD nation has people pledging as they speak. He’s been getting texts about it. Seth warns people not to do stupid shit.
21:05 – This Sunday, the 20th is Seth’s birthday. Seth wants to know if he’s shaving off 7 years or 5 years. Seth says it’s 7 for him and 5 for Jah, so he’s turning 29 this Sunday.
25:01 – Jah is wearing an Oxford University t-shirt. Sometimes he gets asked if he went there and once he said yes.
27:57 – Jah wants to know what’s up with young girls working in places like Jamba Juice, Cold Stone, etc. with cuts on their arms.
32:02 – UYD plugs their live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, NY.
41:55 – Seth has a question about wedding rings: Is a wedding ring a traditional thing that says “I’m in love with my husband and I’m sharing my life with him,” or is it a “Back off jackoff” indicator in public. Seth then wonders if attractive young women would put on a ring just to keep creepy dudes away from them.
53:25 – Neither Jonathan nor Seth have ever had a manicure or pedicure.
59:38 – Seth says Jonathan would be a wonderful father, but Jah thinks he’d be crazy.
1:08 – Jah does his aggro announcing voice that talks about “raw, nocturnal comocedy.”
1:55 – Jah plugs their September sponsor, AdamandEve.com, and the promo code “UYD” that gives you half off and 3 free DVDs when you place their order. Jah and Seth think the ad banner on their homepage is a little more tasteful now.
5:00 – Yo mane, hol’ up, I got too much lean in my cup (Episode 025, 36:18)
31:16 – Jah don’t know much (Episode 067, 21:32; Episode 073, 36:02; Episode 129, 59:15; Episode 137, 4:04 and 1:06:18; and Episode 138, 34:36).
52:12 – Seth plugs UYD’s live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, N.Y.
55:28 – Seth plugs the “Media” link from the UYD website, which now features a second volume of video compilations recorded by Seth and edited by 55inch.
1:03:11 – Seth says “I’m comin’ for you, Corolla!,” indicating that Uhh Yeah Dude is going to overtake Adam Corolla as #1 Comedy Podcast on iTunes. Seth says that Romatelli is a way better Italian name than Corolla, which is faux Italian.
1:04:55 – Seth wonders when Jah is going to get his UYD tattoo, and Jah isn’t sure about it.
1:11 – Jah does his shock jock voice that Seth has been dreaming about since he was a young boy
2:01 – This episode of Uhh Yeah Dude is being brought to you by AdamandEve.com – safe, secure and intimate
4:31 – Seth talks about his extensive training regime by using some crazy big words
5:38 – Halloween is coming on a Saturday night, which could be right.
30:03 – Jah plugs the live show in Brooklyn on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly
32:28 – Seth says he got some positive feedback on Volume 2 of the 25-minute psychotic montage that has been posted in the “Media” section of the website. Jah says there has been one complaint that Volume 1 is no longer there.
35:41 – Seth’s current issue of Playboy, October 2009, has a study called “The College Sex Survey.” 41% of college students know someone who has hooked up with either a professor or a teacher’s assistant.
50:22 – Jah has 2 cigarettes, a Lucky and another one. He asks Seth which one he should smoke first, and Seth says he should smoke the Lucky cigarette now.
1:01:04 – Seth understands the UYD voicemail greeting says “2006 for life,” which he finds comforting, quaint and soothing to hear that. Some listeners decide to really let Seth know what year it is in their messages. Jonathan says that all the texts he receives are like getting Twittered in the face.
0:33 – Seth says “TGIF” because UYD is uncharacteristically recording the show on a Friday instead of a Thursday
0:41 – Seth asks Jonathan to let the listeners know that it’s “Rocktober” in his shock jock voice.
1:20 – UYD is bringing some serious Cali heat in October to a place called Brooklyn. Seth doesn’t mind if it’s cold out there, he just doesn’t want it to rain on his hair. That’s why he lives in the desert.
2:01 – This episode is being brought to you by AdamandEve.com.
3:23 – In regards to the live show in NYC, Jah says the RSVP list is officially closed.
19:05 – Jah recalls the 1993 movie Six Degrees of Separation with a fresh version of Will Smith
19:41 – Speaking of Will Smith, Jah was thinking about something: What if he was exactly who he is, but he was a big, big black dude? Seth thinks Jah would be the president of something. He thinks he would be rowdier since he would be huge and black. Seth wonders what the equivalent would be for himself, and Jah said it would be if Seth was a woman named Beth.
33:40 – Seth wonders if he mentioned not to fuck Brazilian dudes. Jah says Brazilian girls are also included in that because they all used to be dudes. Seth has heard from 15 different girls who hooked up with Brazilian dudes, end up with a child and the dude is back in Rio three months later. Jah says they bone down like crazy because they’re wicked good at it.
39:02 – Jah says he has an LRAD right here in his pants, his own little sound cannon
1:05:17 – Jah does an impersonation of rewinding through an episode of UYD, and it’s awesome.
1:09:12 – Jah recalls his cyberskin esophagus that he bought and that his maid discovered (Episode 088, 19:26)
0:26 – This is Episode number 1-8-7, the California penal code for murder
6:37 – Seth talks about the new Broadview Security commercial (Episode 179, 48:22). It starts off with people leaving what looks to have been an elegant house party. It’s early evening. The attractive female host thanks everyone for leaving. One handsome younger dude lingers on the porch, and she says, “It was really nice to meet you, A.J.” (Jah thinks it stands for Aaron Jacobson.) Her girlfriends are in the driveway mouthing, “He’s so hot!” and the girl mouths back, “I know!” The woman walks into the house and begins cleaning up, and she hears a noise and it’s A.J. in the doorway. He bashes in the window, she books it in and calls Mike at Broadview Security. Nothing to worry about now!
23:24 – Episode 188 will be Friday, Oct. 17, live in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn N.Y. at a venue called Public Assembly. Seth says it’s very overwhelming and very exciting and he thanks everyone for everything. Seth wants people to get there early and seek them out. Seth is the one who is not Jonathan.
36:29 – Jah can’t figure out why he is stumbling over his words so much. Seth hopes Jah is on point during the live New York show. Seth wonders what will happen if Jah is garbling everything and Seth has a full panny.
55:35 – Seth just handed Jah something to read and he doesn’t know what it is. He finally reads this warning to listeners: “In my experience, car wash employees in their haste sometimes do not reinsert the clips or holes on floormats of cars.” What happens is that, by putting your feet on them it rips the holes and your feet will slide up, or it will jam up the brake or accelerator.
58:36 – Seth talks about the Podcast Awards, recognizing excellence in the podcast field. He asks listeners to go to the UYD website and follow the link to the Podcast Awards, then vote for UYD for Best Comedy Podcast. There is no Dancecast category yet, which is why UYD wants to win – so they can establish that category next year.
0:01 – The live crowd chants “UYD! UYD!” to open the episode
0:38 – Jah is blown away by the warm reception they are getting at Brooklyn’s Public Assembly
1:04 – Jah forewarns the ladies in the room that there are a gang of horned-up dudes in the close-quarters club
1:23 – Seth finally chimes in and Jah is forced to acknowledge him to the crowd
2:16 – Jah says he’s going to have a heart attack and the crowd needs to give him a second to catch his breath. Seth says he wants people to hang around for a while afterward to say hello to people
4:55 – Seth reminds everyone that it’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah tells people to get mammograms and that further explanation is necessary.
6:35 – People in the back can’t hear J-dawg and Seth as well, so they apologize and Jah tells Seth to face Jah a little more so they can talk more directly to each other.
12:02 – Seth says he used to come to this place when it was Galapagos back in the ‘80s. He’s seen a lot of things here.
14:47 – There’s a new Broadview commercial on (Episode 179, 48:22; Episode 187, 6:37). There’s a dude in full camo looking through a hole in the fence at a mother and daughter kicking a soccer ball in the backyard. He runs in and kicks in the side door of the house
24:23 – Seth thinks he finally has a reason to cancel his Playboy subscription because Marge Simpson was on the cover. He’s back in, however, because Tara Reid is going to pose in it.
29:16 – Jah gives a shout-out to Seth’s mom and dad, who are in attendance for the live show.
40:52 – Seth got his tickets for the Michael Jackson movie at the CineramaDome. He’s wondering how crazy it will get there.
42:31 – Jah has everyone simultaneously yell the state or town they’re from on the count of 3
2:56 – Seth and Jah thank all the listeners for the fun live show in Brooklyn last week.
27:37 – Seth wants to know if women carry condoms on them. Jah replies, “Not unless they’re whores.” Jah thinks that even dudes shouldn’t carry them with him because it’s too presumptuous. But both men and women should keep condoms at home in their medicine cabinets, etc.
54:44 – Jah’s not sure what he’s going as for Halloween. Seth doesn’t feel comfortable dressing up.
1:01:03 – Jah gives a quick merch plug. They had awesome stuff available for the show in Brooklyn and some of them will be available in the website. Stickers will also be available in those shipments. The posters will be available as well, and they glow in the dark.
1:03:54 – UYD is coming in on 200 episodes, which feels weird to Jah
5:50 – It smells good in the studio. Seth has ginger peach candles in the living room, a Tahitian vanilla candle in his bedroom. For having such a great smelling crib, Jah hands Seth a frienjamin (Episode 141, 1:18).
16:52 – Jah was talking to somebody the other day about Twitter. He hypothesizes that regarding Twats that Twitter (douchebags), you could call what they do “Tweefing.”
54:06 – Before they did the live show in Brooklyn, Seth and Jonathan did an interview with a girl for the Greenpoint Gazette (greenpointgazette.com).
55:06 – Jah says that there will be new t-shirts and posters available soon in the Merch section of the website.
17:16 – Jah reminisces on curbside check-in as if it doesn’t exist anymore. But it does.
28:54 – Seth and Jah want to start an old-timey gas station in the heart of Hollywood. They’ll get out-of-work sitcom actors to work there and shoot it as a reality show.
47:37 – Jah and Seth start to get trippy. Jah talks about how arbitrary the sequence of events in our daily lives is. Seth ponders about dreaming, and how sick and crazy it is that you create the way people look and what they say. He’s been having a lot of specific and vivid dreams that err on the side of mildly uncomfortable. They’re not night terrors (Episode 033, 48:25). Seth thinks that he’s making up the dialogue of the dream in his brain, but Jah doesn’t agree with that part. His dreams don’t feel as if they are his own manifestations. He has no well from which to draw the things he is conjuring. He knows he has a lot of crazy things within him but he thinks these other entities come to him from outside, and commingles in his realm that he’s cognizant of. Jah is sincerely worried about 2012; he thinks it’s for real while Seth thinks it’s Y2K bullshit. Jah explains that, assuming we’re children of God created in his image, we create things in our world the way God created the world we live in. When you look at our forms of communication that we create right now, there are things that are at the peak of our technology, yet others that are completely arcane (telephone) that are still completely useful and valid. He believes there are arcane versions of galactic communication. (At this point Seth nearly bursts out laughing. He’s not there yet, but there are 500 more episodes to go, so maybe he will get there.)
58:37 – Jonathan thinks that entertainment and the way we digest it should be on a sliding scale. You should be able to pay what you want for things, like the new Radiohead record.
1:00:21 – Jah says there’s still a handful of UYD posters available through the Merch store on the UYD website, as well as a handful of tie-dye and prism logo t-shirts. Listeners rocked it this week with the sales.
1:01:35 – Jah got sent pictures of people burning CDs this week that they were going to hand to people.
1:02:32 – Jah circles back to his trippy diatribe about dreams. He talks about all the expressions we have within us, like when he was at the Phish show last weekend and thought about his musical life, etc. It feels like a dark time for the path that people are walking right now, while there seems to be an increase with people having more vivid dreams and communication within the inner parts of themselves. He says if they’re sitting somewhere doing Episode 3059 and realizing time is a crazy mobia strip, they will be a part of themselves back here .
1:04:35 – Seth says that UYD will be coming up on some milestones, 4 years and 200 episodes. Jah says it just comes down to doing your shit and moving on. Seth disagrees, and says that the idea of anyone taking any stock in 2012 is ridiculous. It’s a day in the life for all of us, there’s good things and bad things and we’re on an epic journey just to get through the day. It’s been that way forever and it will be forever, and it’s the best thing. Maybe aliens come and maybe they don’t, but people can just get through today. Seth says “It does what it does,” and Jah says, “Then you put a gun in your mouth.”
26:10 – Jonathan’s father will be performing at the Pantages Theatre in Los Angeles, Calif., in the holiday classic “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” performing the role of Old Max.
27:37 – Seth loves Christmas, and the feeling of the holiday season. It makes him feel very warm and very open, with the endless possibilities of life and love. But those feelings end on the 26th.
41:17 – Seth and Jonathan can’t believe 2010 is right here upon us.
0:48 – Jah says they’ve never said hello to each other in a foreign language before on the show, then proceeds to try doing exactly that.
25:42 – New Kay Jewelers commercial features a couple at a mountain retreat. She jumps into his arms during the thunder and lightning. He says, “I’m right here, and I always will be,” then busts a ring in her face, then, “Don’t let go. Ever.” Jah then finishes it with the ideal ending to that commercial: “Every Kiss Begins with Kay,” and an Aaron Neville rendition.
33:29 – Jonathan belches loudly into the microphone, then immediately apologizes for bringing a complete halt to the show.
36:26 – Although Seth laments how he used to be awesome, Jah gives him a break because sneaking into concerts shirtless is a sad look on a 40-year-old man. Jah then ponders how much longer he can get away with the look he is currently boasting. Seth says three or four more years.
40:28 – Seth says not to hate on the Zunes – UYD always talks about lots of different ways to access the show and don’t mention the Zune Marketplace – which some listeners have complained about.
0:55 – Jah gives us a Christian side hug
11:43 – Jah heard that in France, “LOL” has been incorporated into common chat, where they will actually say it in face-to-face conversation rather than typing it.
52:24 – Seth recalls how Jah told him about the gas station trickling off a few more pennies on everybody and thereby making a billion dollars (Episode 167, 0:29). Jah says he’s had a couple experiences with gas pumps since then. He found one pump that doesn’t do it at a couple newly renovated places. However, he went to another newly renovated Chevron where rather than slow down 4 cents or 10 cents before, it pops up like it was full. Jah went to take it out, turned and there was 7 more cents in there, then it trickled out. It tries to get you to give up.
1:06:21 – It’s just officially past midnight so Jah wants to officially say Happy Thanksgiving to Seth and all UYD listeners.
2:39 – Jah mixes it up by singing a Ben Bridge Jewelers tune instead of Kay
23:55 – UYD is closing in on #200, and they’re not sure what they’re going to do for the extravaganza.
40:37 – Jah sings “We don’t need another language.” (Episode 073, 0:43).
1:00:38 – Jogger is playing two shows over the Christmas holidays – in Chicago on Dec. 30 and in Denver with R2D2 and Daedelus on New Year’s Eve at City Hall.
0:49 – Seth’s iBook G4 is running about 97% right now – a good charge
1:02 – The decade is ending and we don’t really have a name for the coming decade we’re about to enter. Jah thinks it should be the “X’s” or the “Teens” or “Two-thousand X”
20:53 – Jah sings “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” (Episode 073, 0:43; Episode 097, 1:00:56)
25:32 – Seth harkens back to when he got to hear Sean Connery say “Queen Latifah” at the Academy Awards (Episode 099, 17:20). Seth tries to picture the Larroquettes going out to dinner with Ice-T and Coco.
35:53 – Jah wants Facebook to stop sending him notifications about how they’re changing privacy policies because it’s spooking him. He thinks it’s crazy that Google is scanning Twitter accounts to see if a popular user has referenced whatever words you’re searching for. Because of this Jah’s father might dip out of Twitter.
8:23 – If there was going to be a third member of UYD, Seth thinks it would probably be Kobe Teeth.
23:25 – Jah thinks men need to just cut the shit when it comes to thinking that women are stupid in regards to the things that they think they’re stupid about. Jah concurs that they’re stupid about certain things, but not things men think they are. Jah think men were bad back in the 70s too but it was more of a traditional structure that created its own kind of happiness.
28:09 – Jah asks Seth to take him to outer space, and Seth proceeds to play Galaga sound effects.
42:32 – UYD stockings are on sale via the website, as is a tote bag and a caribiner.
1:01:04 – Seth gives a toned-down, drawn-out “Sssssmokin.”
1:01:40 – Jah thinks that it is some couple’s fault for breaking up when they weren’t supposed to that threw the entire celebrity dating fractal so out of whack. Seth thinks it was the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez break-up that did it. Jah calls them “Jaffleck,” and Seth makes fun of this. Seth doesn’t buy the Affleck/Garner relationship and he wants “Bennifer” back.
1:07:35 – Seth received calls from listeners who said Episode 196 cut off at the end. Jah has a fixed version of that which he says he will upload soon.
1:08:12 – Jah apologizes for a small buzzing noise that’s been going on for the last couple episodes, and he says he needs to fix it soon.
36:51 – Seth wishes the Cowboys good luck tonight.
37:10 – Jah hypothesizes that everybody’s a car dealer now. All this nickel-and-dime BS used to be relegated to the used car lot, but now everyone with a nametag is trying to hustle us. And they’re so dumb that they just go along with it blindly and don’t question their own intentions.
53:19 – Jah wonders what’s up with Brad and Angelina. Seth says more than likely he heard Episode 197 and heard them talking about Jackalope and how when they broke up the world ended. It got Pitt thinking to how Angelina is not a soulmate. Seth doesn’t think they were met for each other. He thinks there’s another woman out there that we already know that should be with him. Seth ventures a guess: Zoe Saldana.
58:23 – Jah promises that the UYD Merch Store has some dope shit coming from their boy Bennett Grizzard, who did the Brooklyn flyer, and John Smith, who did the glow-in the-dark posters from the Brooklyn show.
59:40 – Seth wishes everyone a Happy New Year and Merry Christmas as well. It’s essentially 2010. Jah can’t believe he’ll be in Denver for New Year’s.
1:19 – Seth comments on how it’s weird to be recording their show on a Saturday night
1:54 – Jah wishes Seth a Happy New Year
15:56 – Jah has a theory that Tiger Woods is dead, which is why we haven’t seen him in public since his Thanksgiving domestic dispute.
27:06 – Seth asks if Angelina Jolie would leave Brad Pitt for Jah. Jah is flabbergasted at this question.
1:00:07 – Seth says they’re not sure what they’re going to do about Episode 200.
2:29 – Seth marvels that they’ve made it to 200 episodes. They had a dream, and they made that dream a reality.
2:37 – Several listeners told Seth that he needed to live up to his promise that he made in Episode 100 (21:25) that he would do a moonwalk this episode, but he says he has an out since the King of Pop died and this is not a vidcast.
58:46 – Although it’s Episode 200, Seth doesn’t want to get too excited. When they get to Episode 300, that’s when the real party is going to be.
1:02:42 – Seth says that after 200 episodes, there are a lot of people to thank. He and J-Dawg appreciate all the people who have worked so hard for UYD to be able to continue to do it.
0:27 – Jah wishes they were recording this episode with video because Seth gave him a crazy look with his eyes.
8:03 – Jah says Seth needs a high-speed dubbing USB VCR so he could upload all the gobs of videotapes he has stuff recorded on.
15:19 – Seth wants to customize his sex robot to look like Haley Joel Osment from the movie AI
52:18 – Seth wants to know what the fuck is going on. Jah indicates that it all went wrong when Gus Van Sant shot Psycho shot-for-shot starring Vince Vaughn.
20:58 – Seth declares that next month, February, Jonathan will be going on tour with Jogger, except UYD will be having shows each week during the month.
52:07 – Jah gives big ups to the Peace Corps because there are UYD listeners who are in it as we speak.
57:54 – Jah references himself mispronouncing Patrón (Episode 031, 23:14).
59:09 – iTunes prominently featured UYD alongside other amazing podcasts such as New Yorker Fiction, Market Watch from Dow Jones, etc.
1:00:08 – Jah plugs some Merch stuff – new totes are available in black and purple with the prism logo, and new gray hairy logo shirts are available and restocked.
19:39 – Jah hated fax machines, but Seth still likes them. He likes what they do. He thinks they’re still efficient in terms of calling someone about a magazine article, then seconds later they’re looking at the exact same thing once you fax it to them.
58:47 – Seth thinks UYD had more voicemails than they’ve ever gotten this week 1:00:00 – Seth reminds listeners that in February, Jah will go on tour with Amir Yaghmai and their musical outfit, Jogger. Their tour dates are listed on their Myspace page. Although Jah won’t be in town, they will be posting fresh new episodes.
1:01:12 – Seth previously asked people to get some sleep (Episode 202, 1:04:06). He now has another good idea – changing or washing your sheets, which feels so comforting.
1:28 – It’s tax season, so this is the time of year Seth likes to remind listeners to get on it and not sleep on it, then realize it’s April 15. He says to do it legally, because your friend who does it doesn’t really do it.
4:27 – Seth thinks he has asked this before, but he wonders if medical supply stores – which are basically an empty room, a folded-up wheelchair leaned against the wall and a crutch in a sling with an open floorplan – are fraudulent business fronts used for laundering money or peddling drugs.
54:15 – Jah asks Seth to make a wish since it’s 2:22, but Seth blows it by saying he wished for the continued health of every one of UYD’s listeners.
1:00:47 – Seth tells us that Ep. 205 will go up next week, while 206 will be the week after that – it’s another pre-recorded episode. They will be back the following week with 207.
1:01:46 – This week is the four-year anniversary of the first UYD show that went up. Seth wishes UYD a happy birthday.
0:57 – We learn that this episode was recorded by Jah and Seth on Friday, Jan. 29
8:54 – Jah talks about how not fresh people’s played-out shit is. He think this started changing within our period of life growing up. People used to have to be the best in order to keep going.
1:19 – This episode is being recorded on Wednesday, 7:50 p.m. on Dec. 23, 2009. Jah calls it an “Episode to be Named at a Later Date,” and it’s being hosted by “Marcia and Seth.”
51:29 – Seth and Marcia share a sweet moment where they tell each other that they love one another very much.
55:01 – “Imagine” by John Lennon, which is Seth and Marcia’s song (Episode 192, 19:15), closes out this special episode.
1:06 – Jah and Seth bump it. Seth says it’s nice to have Jah back, while Jah says it’s nice to be home.
54:17 – Seth gives mad props to his mother, who laid it down hard with Seth in Episode 206. He was a little apprehensive to mix the UYD formula up, but he had the best time with her. He said people were so nice, sending voicemails and mail. Marcia got to hear a bunch of voicemails and was overwhelmed with the good cheer. Jah hopes everyone was down with it because it was truly the best.
1:26 – Seth asks if midnight is the witching hour (Episode 065, 0:55)
42:59 – Jah provides some commentary on how Toyota done fucked up.
1:04 – This is Episode 210, what’s up with your friend? (Episode 145, 4:17)
16:58 – Seth goes through the lyrics for “Me So Horny” by the 2 Live Crew and compares them with the radio edit.
33:40 Whistle + smoking
46:07 – Seth wants to know what the deal is with Magic Jack and getting unlimited calls for $20 a year.
1:24 – UYD is considering changing the name of the podcast to “Tough Stuff.”
16:50 – Seth lists off famous people who need to stop cloaking that they’re gay and just come out of the closet: Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Zach Quinto, Anderson Cooper, Shepard Smith, Evan Lysacek, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, Tyler Perry and Ryan Seacrest.
53:26 – Seth and Jonathan have a deep discussion about kids being able to see 3D
59:47 – Jah takes a minute to ejaculate all over the new UYD website. He’s been getting a lot of texts from people noticing that awesomeness that Nick created.
1:28 – This is Episode 2-1-3 (in Malibu)
1:50 – Seth wonders if Brad Pitt left Angelina Jolie and fell into the open arms of Sandra Bullock, would it create the best nickname ever? PittBull.
1:02:14 – This episode is crumbelievable (Episode 096, 4:39 and 5:00)
1:03:51 – Jah talks about how some listeners who get the show from an alternative RSS feed are getting broken links from when UYD used a hosting service. So basically, use iTunes.
1:20 – Jah explains that UYD is coming to you on this early recording date (April 9) because Jah will not be able to be there for the normal recording time. Seth wants Jah to divulge why, but Jah doesn’t want to get into it.
37:54 – Jah proposes that they need to make a camera that is connected to your forehead, strapped onto your head from the moment you’re born, and it records everything in your life. Every time you blink, it stores a still picture away so you waon’t miss any of the moments you’ve blinked. You would them have your entire life documented in moving picture and stills, and would share it with anyone you wanted. Jah says data storage is relatively cheap nowadays, and you could record an entire existence of a human lifetime.
44:44 – Jah and Seth reference that they do have at least one blind listener, but Seth wonders if they have any deaf listeners who try to simply feel the vibration.
1:07:24 – A callback to Jonathan’s funk rap from Episode 024, 50:38 as we hear Anthony Kiedis tells us “True men don’t kill coyotes.”
1:16 – Seth wants to know if people are still ghost riding the whip, and Jonathan attests to the fact that in the Bay Area, people are still ghost riding that whip.
24:41 – Jah gives a callback to the Elvis “fader” story from Episode 130, 28:43.
59:48 – Seth describes seeing Hubble in IMAX combined with Leonardo DiCaprio’s narration voice as a vanilla DMT shake with a protein boost. Jah wonders if it’s still playing at the California Science Center, and Seth confirms that it is, along with Kelly Slater’s Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D IMAX, which Seth describes as “riding the tube.” Seth requests someone to illustrate a photo of him on a surfboard riding the tube with awesome board shorts.
1:03:33 - Jah lets out a nice little fart
1:13 – Episode 216 is dedicated to the craft and ever-expanding world of crystal healing.
54:12 – Jah wonders how endangered the general cosmetic feel of newstands are. He wonders if they’ll completely evaporate in our lifetime. Jah thinks they will.
1:40 – Seth realizes we’re getting ever so close to our special “JackÈe Episode,” or Episode 227 (Episode 181, 5:10).
27:59 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the fact that we drive so much.
32:58 – Jah references UYD’s legendary Doritos episode (Episode 079) where everyone starts puking while UYD stuffs their faces
1:05:52 – Jah reveals he is flying in a few hours and wonders if he’ll die on the way to Boston. He then congratulates his brother, Ben, on graduating college and being the first college graduate in his family.
1:23 – Jah apologizes ahead of time for putting Seth at a slight disadvantage technologically by forgetting cables tonight. They’re coming to us from a campfire setting tonight.
32:21 – Seth wonders if UYD can get a TV show with the Jerky Boys. Jah thinks that would be awesome.
41:49 – Jah wonders if he heard this right – that the HIV virus is smaller than the porousness of latex in condoms.
48:21 – Seth reveals that Jah was born on the Sunset Strip. As far as Seth is concerned, Jah is a modern-day Jim Morrison.
1:03:36 – Jah loves some of the amazing texts he gets. He tries to respond to as many as he can. He can’t get to all of them, but some of them are so fresh or on point and he loves how they find him throughout his days and nights in other situations. He reassures everyone that he’s still down with it and appreciates it.
19:55 – Jah wonders if eating hormones in our food grows our kids big from their eating of hormones or from us genetically modifying over a couple generations and them having to bear the brunt of that. Jah is curious because he has been seeing some really big kids lately.
50:47 – Jah ponders if kids could take over the world. Seth thinks they are.
1:00:02 – It seems to Jah that there are plenty of people who agree with things UYD are saying but are completely content to still do it. Jah realizes that we as a species change so much, as do our desires. He says if we pay attention to those things we realize how rapidly changing we are. An incredible amount of peoples’ lives is spent in a place not dealing with the current place where they really are – here on the TV, here on the computer, here on a video game.
1:04:53 – Jah says he occasionally dips into Myspace. The majority of friend requests he gets there now fall into the category of spam.
1:17 – Seth has a variety of beverages for Jah to choose from – Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Mt Dew, Sunkist and Pepsi Max
5:45 – After a long pause, Jah simply says, “Ozzy, man.”
23:20 – Seth observes that Indian tweens dominate spelling, Kenyans dominate running and Finlandians dominate hotboxing. Jah wonders what it is that Americans dominate in. Seth thinks it’s competitive comedy podcasting.
1:03:03 – Jah asks the UYD listeners as an aside if any of them live on Native American reservations.
1:06:21 – Jah announces that the uhhyeahdude.com front page has officially changed. Jah was announcing to start a blog post for himself on there and has been moved out for the time being. He says his presence will increase. He says some super dope shit is coming through the pipes, possibly even mobile device stuff. There is an obituary portion of the front page where people can read about dead celebs. Seth says very soon there will be a Volume IV of Seth’s Corner video mash-ups.
1:49 – When things overwhelm you, you just have to remember to breathe. Jonathan and Seth audibly illustrate this for us.
24:57 – Jah asks if he can talk shit about Pineapple Express or if he can’t because it’s too wack.
33:56 – Jah asks Seth if they’re doing a live show this summer, or if they’re doing any kind of a summer break together
58:23 – Jah asks if there’s something happening on the website. Seth says you can visit Seth’s Corner from the homepage to view video mixtapes of awesome television moments, and Volume 4 is now up.
26:28 – If you really wanted to make a day out of it at, you go to an old folks’ home and get super-easy access, just as Jonathan and Seth did when they visited Gertrude Baines (Episode 112, 0:53). (Jah thinks it would have been funny if the then-oldest person would’ve paid them to murder her.) You then could go room-to-room with an old-school doctor’s medical bag and just swipe prescription pills from every room.
37:33 – Seth is flabbergasted that Grown Ups isn’t out yet. If it doesn’t open with $130 million he thinks it will be a failure. The creepiest thing in the ad for it to Jonathan was when all the acotrs are on their inner tubes wearing shirts. Seth thinks this is a Paul Blart situation for him; he will be at the Grove at 9 a.m. to watch it.
1:00:58 – Jah gets trippy and reads from “Lenticular Matters,” an exclusive text by Cameron Stallones, a.k.a. Sun Araw: “The lenticular object is the means to our end, the means of getting On Patrol. It's the UFO, the lens shape that winks in and out of our plane to broadcast some Cosmic Giggle and, at times, for amped confrontation: close encounters and (in the extreme) rebirth. The UFO phenomenon, like the lenticular phenomenon, is prominently vaginal, and so most of the time you can hear it harmonizing with classic birth trauma. But it's a good hurt, the yonic cruise. The lenticular object appears in traditional Christian iconography as the Mandorla, a representation of the overlap of Divinity and physical reality, so, hey, that's our clue, it's glowing doors and gateways from here on out. We "see" them because, as the shape itself instructs us, these are perceptual zones we're stalking: warped but potent mirrors and refractors of other dimensions. Los Angeles is a pretty lenticular town, when you get right down to it. At least in the sense that it's a doorway. If and when we have a choice about the other side of that door, it can be a true spaceport. The vaginal symbol that's the thrumming machinery governing all of the coming and going from physical reality to total image in this town stands in stark contrast to the sadly impotent (and misconceived) masculine energy that is supposedly in the driver's seat. Not a chance, dudes, are you kidding? Put that away before you hurt yourself. The true other side of the door is outer/inner space, always has been, always will be. An echo in the finite of the infinite act of Creation, as Coleridge would say. The Great Attractor, Blake called it the Divine Imagination. But either way, it's been summoned by too many good-hearted people to stay away long. Its frequencies are powerful, it's just about tuning in to the end of history. Watch it now, on demand, so you become an observer: Paradise Regained. McLuhan "saw" it as the enormous collective body we've been swarming into. Pierre Teilhard "saw" it as the Body of Christ on Earth, to be summoned and resurrected by the Father. Teleology is a tricky business, and as my buddy Phil used to say, we're just hanging the curtains, moving the lights around, testing, testing 1...2...3. The cybernetic network, Mama Matrix, maholo, whatever you call it, it's just a stage. Who and what walks out onto that stage will be the (reflective) surprise. (Hint: It's not a surprise.) Until then, back in the (lenticular) patrol car: antennas up.”
1:42 – Seth and Jonathan do their best Malibu accents
7:40 – Jah asks a question based on a mock video he saw. He wonders if it’s possible that there was a video where people put a ring of cellphones with a popcorn kernel in the middle of it, and they Skyped the cell phones and it popped the kernel in the middle. Seth answers with “Building 7.”
15:34 – Jah declares he has the worst laugh tonight; it’s like a cackle.
34:17 – Jah said that Kim Kardashian’s relationship with Ray-J didn’t work because he’s a dick. Seth says it’s because Ray-J’s sister, Brandi, is a murderer.
47:53 – Jah asks Seth if he’s heard the term “minder” for a nanny. Celebrities have minders for their children – not nannies.
1:39 – Last week Seth said to hang loose, but he might get rowdy tonight. Jah doesn’t know about this because he’s not feeling very rowdy.
12:21 – You could call the UYD voicemail at 888-842-2357, Jah’s phone at 323-481-4422 or Mike Jones at 281-330-8004
53:18 – Seth asks Jah what he’s wearing, it’s a little vintage Christian Dior outfit. He says Jah looks like a 1950s French seaman. Jah says it was a present.
1:12:54 – UYD recommends drinking more water this week. Jah adds that they should avoid the plastic bottles. Seth recommends recycling, but Jah says “fuck recycling. Recylcing is taking certain pieces of garbage and putting them in one place and taking another kind of garbage and putting them in another place.”
1:28 – Seth reveals that Jah’s birthday (Aug. 7) falls on a Saturday next month and asks him if he’s ready to party. Jah says no, he isn’t.
1:54 – Before Seth dives into a news tidbit, Jah takes a second to slow it down and say it’s nice to be there doing the show.
15:39 – Jah recommends that Seth gets a huge chopper trike with double wheels in the back. He remembers seeing one of these driven by Peter Dinklage in a movie he starred in with Gary Oldman where both play little people. For the life of him Jah can’t think of the name of this movie. Seth thinks Gary Oldman is really tiny but J-dawg looks it up to double-check: he’s 5-foot-9. Seth still thinks he has an English bone disease that keeps him smaller and he’s just posing as 5-9.
29:40 – Jah says that women can make men crazy, but says he’s not defending Billy Bob Thornton. He thinks men have the ability to really hurt women emotionally, but he believes they do have the upper hand in how psychologically painful they can be to us.
30:48 – Jah loved Sling Blade and he thinks Billy Bob Thornton wanted to make some real movies. He thought J.T. Walsh was awesome in the movie too. He also loved Lucas Black in the movie and loved seeing him again in Friday Night Lights, where there was a similar Billy Bob/Lucas/country star connection to Sling Blade. (Episode 079, 58:50).
32:20 – Jah says he simply can’t shake the name of the stupid movie with Peter Dinklage and Gary Oldman. While he reads the next segment he wants Seth to look it up online.
34:00 – Seth has finally found it. Tiptoes is a 2003 film starring Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey and Gary Oldman. Kate Beckinsale is a talented painter and independent woman who falls in love with Steven (played by McConaughey) without knowing much about him other than he is the perfect man. But when she finds herself pregnant it forces McConaughey to expose his darkest secret – his family. Steven happens to be the only average-sized person in a family of dwarves, including his twin brother, Rolfe (played by Gary Oldman). Carol and Steven are then forced to come to terms with the fact that the fetus she carries may be born a dwarf. This terrifies McConaughey, as he had to watch his twin brother suffer the difficulties of being a little person and does not want to watch this child suffer that same pain. As Carol decides to carry the child, she and Steven grow farther apart and she begins to rely on Rolfe to teach her about life with people with dwarfism. Peter Dinklage appears as Maurice. Patricia Arquette is Lucy, David Alan Grier is Jerry Robin Jr.
38:52 – Jah wonders why no one has sent them any awesome sturdy pairs of 3D glasses
48:08 – Jah goes online to discover Tim Roth’s alleged height – 5-foot, 7 inches. He reads some comments about it: “This guy always nods his head to the side all the time.” … “He’s not 5-7.” … “He looks tiny, I doubt he’s 5-7.” … “He pretty consistenly looks exactly 5-7 in Lie To Me. In his Tarantino movies he was around taller actors so he may have looked 5-6.” … “He’s a solid 5-7 and as for him being a dick, everyone has their bad days, and he’s also known for being a little cool toward male fans. But from female fans who have met him, I’ve heard he treats them like gold.”
49:40 – Seth and Jah can’t think of the movie that Roth and Tupac Shakur were in together. They know it’s a one-word title. Jah finally looks it up, Gridlock’d.
1:00:14 – Jah thanks all UYD listeners and says it means the world to him that people listen and tell friends about the show.
1:03:02 – After weeks of telling people to breathe, smile, drink water, sleep, etc., Seth and Jah are simply telling people to “Have the best week.”
1:32 – This is 2-2-7, hosted by Jonathan and Jack-ain’t
14:30 – Seth has been getting many voicemails from people talking about Jonathan’s jam of a movie, Up (Episode 226, 44:31). Jah admits there’s something within the pacing of a movie that allows him to draw life lessons from it.
15:40 – Seth asks Jonathan whether he should go through The Wire series or all the Pixar movies. Seth then lists off all the Pixar movies he can think of.
18:02 – Jah was a huge fan of Black Zappa back in the day
1:07:15 – Jonathan asks if this is the first time UYD has ever come to its listeners on location outside of a live show. Seth answers yes. They usually do the show on Thursday, but they were coming up on the wedding in Mendecino and with travel plans Thursday got weird. J-dawg said to pack up the tech and record the show in the woods in a cabin. Jah says it’s significant to mention it since they’ve only done shows in Seth’s apartment, Brooklyn and Los Angeles.
46:24 – Seth talks about how they got a little jacked-up at the beginning of the show trying to remember the dates and times and names. Jah points out that the last three episodes have been harder and harder for Jah to get the time and date correct. He said it’s not something he thinks about before they start the show.
50:35 – Seth apologizes for all the bad language UYD uses on the show. The use of “retard” has offended some listeners. Jah isn’t conscious of the fact that he’s saying it spitefully. He thinks if the Black-Eyed Peas can have a hit single originally titled “Let’s Get Retarded” then he should be exempt.
2:08 – Jah reveals that he turns 33 years old on August 7.
12:03 – Seth references the discussion from Episode 227 (1:01:07) about counterfeit bills, in which Jah says he recalls a story about nickels that Jean Shepherd (not Bob Shepherd) of A Christmas Story lived off of. Jah then says that $5 bills have the same pink hue as a $50 bill. $5 bills are washable and can be easily reprinted as $50s.
1:09:48 – Jah explains the problem with recycling. He says that garbage must be pre-sifted anyway by waste management companies, so recylable items that are dumped into a regular trash can are sifted out and profited from. He thinks one waste company should be doing all of the job rather than a third-party company getting paid for more work.
3:13 – Seth says if you’re at work, go to uhhyeahdude.com and tell your boss to “go screw.” He thinks that if your boss looked over your shoulder and saw what was going on, he would pull a seat right up.
30:10 – Jah wonders why there is no technology available that allows cars to go places on their own. When he was younger he just assumed that by the time he was 20 it would be happening. He says there’s not a piece of technology out there that doesn’t exist to allow it to happen.
2:38 – Seth wants to know if J-dawg is going to Go The Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. Seth thinks the only real-life couple that he would want to see in a rom-com is Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith in a remake of Love Story.
3:51 – Seth references Go The Distance starring a real-life couple, Justin Short and Drew Barryless (Episode 231, 2:38), and then talks about the upcoming movie Life As We Know It, coming out Oct. 28, starring former couple Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl.
7:04 – Seth didn’t know that Jah and his family performed at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend. By “you” Seth means “you and your brothers – the Neville brothers.”
46:36 – Seth talks about the live show on Saturday, Oct. 2 in Santa Monica at the Broad Stage.
1:00:44 – Jah thanks all the listeners for the flood of amazing birthday wishes they sent him on Aug. 7.
1:02:59 – Jah begins to read: The question “What shall we do about it?” is only asked by those who do not understand the problem. If a problem can be solved at all, to understand it and to know what to do about it are the same thing. On the other hand, doing something about a problem which you do not understand is like trying to clear away darkness by thrusting it aside with your hands. When light is brought, the darkness vanishes at once. This applies particularly to the problem now before us. How are we to heal the split between “I” and “Me?” The brain and the body. Man and nature. And bring all the vicious circles which it produces to an end? How are we to experience life as something other than a honey trap in which we are the struggling flies? How are we to find security and peace of mind in a world whose very nature is insecurity, impermanence and unceasing change? All these questions demand a method and a course of action. At the same time, all of them show that the problem has not been understood. We do not need action, yet we need more light. Light here means awareness – to be aware of life of experience as it is in this moment, without any judgments or ideas about it. In other words, you have to see and feel what you are experiencing as it is, not as it is named. This very simple opening of the eyes brings about the most extraordinary transformation of understanding and living and shows that many of our most baffling problems are pure illusion This may sound like an oversimplification because most people imagine themselves to be fully enough aware of the present already, but we shall see that this is far from true. Because awareness is a view of reality free from ideas and judgments it is clearly impossible to define and write down what it reveals. Anything which can be described is an idea, and I can not make a positive statement about something, the real world, which is not an idea. I shall therefore have to be content with talking about the false impressions which awareness removes rather than the truth which it reveals. The latter can only be symbolized with words which mean little or nothing to those without a direct understanding of the truth in question.
1:06 – J-Dawg kicks off the episode, then passes the mic over to Marcia Romatelli, who is again co-hosting with Seth (Episode 206)
1:33 – Marcia’s theory on wine is that it’s better than pills. She is in Hollywood because she missed her baby boy, plus UYD nation was clamoring for a repeat performance. Marcia thanks everyone who listens to J-dawg and Seth every week and thanks everyone for the shout-outs and gifts that she received after co-hosting the last time.
2:21 – Seth explains that Jah is on a spiritual retreat that is well-deserved.
15:48 – This week’s lesson is to see things through the eye of a child
55:40 – Marcia says it has been her pleasure to help “these two boys” out. She loves doing this and thanks everyone who listens and understands podcasts. She encourages everyone to go to the live show on Oct. 2.
2:04 – Jah says it’s nice to be back. Seth says they are together again on a little phrase he’s coined called “The Road to the Broad.” He announces that the Oct. 2 7:30 p.m. live show in Santa Monica is sold out and there has been an additional performance added at 9:30 p.m.
11:41 – Seth says good luck to all the NFL teams
12:39 – Jah says the depression he slipped into after the last UYD live show was epic. He says his ashram was lovely, however. One day all he ate was a grain of rice.
19:43 – Seth says that J-Dawg needs a catchphrase. He wonders if they could write Jim Carrey a letter and ask if Jah could take “Smmmoookin!” as his own catchphrase after Carrey would inevitably realize how much better Jah’s was.
31:05 – Jah gives us another taste of Aaron Neville and Led Zeppelin, which he calls “Never Say Neville.”
43:22 – Jah’s new catchphrase is “Dat Be Duffy’s Seed.”
48:28 – This country feels more racist to Jah right now than it ever has in his life – not in daily interaction but in what it seems like people running the world are having to deal with.
58:25 – Jah wishes Seth a Happy 9/02/10 Day.
1:04:15 – For Grandparents’ Day, Seth will be hanging out with Jeff, relaxing. They’ll probably go to lunch, Piranha: 3D, take a nap and catch the Cowboys’ game.
1:05:58 – Amber is the color of their energy
2:42 – Seth holds up his first residual check (paper chase) of 2010 from the Screen Actors Guild for Crossroads (Episode 150, 23:37). It covers free television, pay television and cassette disc markets. Principal photo date was 3/12/2011. The check is for $24.61.
15:09 – Seth goes over two different couples who went on dates – one couple in 1986 and one in 1996. Neither couple consummated that date with intercourse; however, for that one night, when they sat across from each other, anything was possible. In 1986, Oprah Winfrey and Roger Ebert went on a date. Ebert was the one who convinced her to sign the syndication deal with King World. Then, Seth learned that Jennifer Aniston and John Stewart went out on a date in 1996 but she brought a few too many of her girlfriends for it to constitute a “date.”
1:04:29 – Jah wonders which episode the live show in Santa Monica will be. Seth counts it out as Episode 238.
4:21 – Seth thanks UYD nation because they sold out the second show at the Broad.
44:03 – UYD will probably be playing their next live show in Austin, Texas.
46:06 – Seth can’t remember the slogan “Keep Austin Weird.” Jah thought it was “Keep Portland Weird.” (Episode 116, 9:51)
1:13:27 – It’s Seth’s birthday on Wednesday
1:47 – Where the F does the time Fing go? It’s October already, and Seth and J-dawg will see you this weekend.
4:59 – Seth dips back into The Town and how he was disturbed by the nun habits and the ghost masks. He was even more disturbed by the opening scene, when they’re wearing Skeletor masks and purple dredlocks.
55:16 – Jonathan and Seth think that bartering is the way everything should be nowadays. Jah thinks that if we’re moving that way, everyone in UYD nation is covered because we have our own community and could be self-sufficient using the talents that each of us possess. Jah recommends that everyone who listens to this show needs to move to Hollywood. Seth says we all have to buy property within a 6-block radius of the studio and just take over as a gang.
1:04:31 – Seth and Jah ponder what kind of vehicle Jim Carrey drives. Jah guesses maybe a played-out Porsche just because it costs $250,000 and he’s the worst. Jah thinks maybe he might be eco and have an electric Tesla.
1:08:57 – This week at the Broad Stage: 2 Live Show featuring Luther Campbell.
2:09 – Seth can’t see Jah as they begin the live show. He’s not nervous at all. This is no big whoop. He claims the Sundance was just detailed and is available for photo ops.
4:45 – Seth holds up another European residuals check from the Screen Actors Guild from Crossroads, which played three times in Switzerland and once in Sweden for a total gross of $12.65. Jah asks if he can read out the last four digits of Seth’s social, and he says yes because he has LifeLock.
16:32 – Seth thanks the audience for being there, because he understood that Yoko Ono was at the Orpheum Theatre tonight and they could’ve been there instead of at the Broad.
37:58 – Jah has to pee. He tried to pee beforehand but it just wouldn’t come out right.
42:50 – J-dawg is hurting. He has to pee so bad.
59:45 – Jah thanks every single person who came out and bought a ticket – everyone who made the “Road to the Broad” what it is. He specifically thanks Weck and Nick, Dimitri and Jordan who helped facilitate this, and Wendell. The DJ this evening, Turquoise Wisdom (aka Zach), is bomb. Jah announces that after the 9:30 p.m. show they will be going to a bar around 11:30 called Renee’s on Wilshire between 5th and 6th Street.
2:14 – Seth disses the 7:30 show and says they saved it all for this 9:30 live show at the Broad. Jah claims he is wearing the same shirt he wore for the first show.
10:32 – Jah has a theory for an invention called the Third Eye, which is to capitalize on the blogged-out world we’re in. From birth you strap a wi-fi cam onto the forehead where the third eye would be, and it tracks everything to document one’s life effortlessly. Everyone would have their own personal TV channel and you’d get to choose whose life you wanted streamed to you.
28:16 – Seth shows the crowd some paperwork from the Screen Actors Guild awarding foreign royalties to Seth for Crossroads, which played three times in Switzerland and once in Sweden for a total gross of $12.65.
42:45 – Seth wonders what people used for a condom in 1909.
54:51 – Seth lets everybody know that the Sundance has been detailed and washed and is available for any photo opportunities.
59:05 – Seth informs the crowd that Yoko Ono is performing at the Orpheum Theatre tonight.
1:02:17 – Jah invites everyone to join them at a bar called Renee’s on Wilshire at about 11 p.m. or 11:30 p.m. He thinks everyone is probably trashed from the 7:30 show if they even made it there because they forgot to say “Seatbelts.”
1:30 – Since UYD doubled up on episodes on Saturday, they’re coming at us from the future now. Some people said that those who only caught the second show were thrown off because they’d have to go back in time and listen to Episode 238 after they’d already heard Episode 239.
5:58 – Seth takes us to the 90s. He was given a gift during the night of the live show, an issue of Details magazine from March of 1992 (Episode 238, 16:04). It’s the spring fashion issue featuring 50 pages of “style.” There is an article entitled “The Program for the Future is Wearable Computers.” … Wearable computers, or “bodytops,” can be created to suit every taste. Right now, at an advanced PC design center in Tokyo, they’re releasing new models. By the late 90s these will become standard-issue. One of them is designed for emergency paramedics who will need both hands free and an unobscured downward vision so they can drive and treat patients. A handheld track ball with video camera and sensors will relay to the goggles that the paramedic is wearing a patient’s injuries and his vital signs. It will also hook into a system that will match them for their stored medical history. … For journalists, writers and businessmen, there’s the lapbody. It will hang from the shoulder like a purse and unfold from the chest. It’s really made for retail sales and stockroom workers. It won’t be long now before PCs become as much a part of your wardrobe as a business suit. Computer stores will look more like boutiques than warehouses and technology will be more fashionable than ever.
The magazine also has an interview with Drew Barrymore, who has just turned 17 years old three weeks prior to this interview. Q: What’s the most insightful thing a stranger has ever told you about yourself? A: Some guy once walked up to be in a club and said he was going to tell me 10 things about me that would all be true. He was right on all 10 but the truest thing he said was that I had a young heart and an old soul. Q: Tell me a recent dream. A: Last night I had a dream about Keanu Reeves, who I’ve known for years. In the dream Keanu and I were just palling around and suddenly I looked at him and he turned into this ugly alien. Then I turned into something equally awful like a hideous tarantula. Q: What do you think that means? A: That I’m searching for someone. Because often the people I involve myself with turn into something other than that – other than what I originally thought that they were. That’s when they turn into something and then I change to and then I don’t like what I’ve become. Nothing against Keanu – he just happened to be starring in my dream. Q: What do you wear when you sleep? A: Nothing. I can’t understand how people sleep in their clothes. It’s too constricting. Q: When did you stop wearing pajamas? A: Around age 13, that’s when I learned the beauty of sleeping in the nude. I think I have my best moments when I’m nude, asleep in my bed. Now that I think about it, I have my most sensual thoughts in bed. Q: I’ve read that you don’t use body doubles. Nudity seems to scare a lot of actors. Why not you? A: I’m not scared of anything. I’ve already been to hell and back.
54:19 – Seth wants to know the guy’s name from Hellraiser, and Jah tells him it’s Pinhead (Episode 059, 44:48).
1:05:37 – Jah says a new t-shirt and poster have debuted in the Merch section of the UYD website.
1:25 – This is a late night for UYD because they’ve been going early when the daylight is so right.
38:50 – WWJWD? What Would James Woods Do? (Episode 240, 1:02:52 and 1:03:51) He would stretch.
1:59 – Jah slows down the audio so it sounds chopped and screwed.
2:14 – Seth is afraid he’s older than Justin Bieber’s father, which brings up a lot of issues and questions for him.
1:09:09 – Seth is puzzled that people still do kooky voicemail greetings on their cell phones that started off “Hello? Hello? I can’t hear you.” Jah wants to go back to all landlines because Seth has a blessed, charmed life.
1:54 – Jonathan gave Seth the actual totem used in Inception and he has just begun spinning it. This way they can actually know if this is really 243 or Two-Forty-Dream.
4:48 – Jah hears a weird sound happening in the rear of the studio. Seth says there’s all kinds of sounds that occur in this “haunted mansion” he lives in.
7:00 – It’s not Autumn until Seth’s mother presses leaves from a New England autumn in wax paper and sends them to Seth.
11:15 – Jah wonders if Seth ever heard the term “quista quivers” being a reference to girls’ boobs. He thought it was an East Coast phenomenon, but Seth is not familiar.
46:57 – Jah pokes fun at Seth’s Russian accent, which sounds more Jamaican than anything. Jah then corrects it with his impeccable Rusky accent.
55:52 – Jah says Groupon is no joke. You can get stuff for like 50% off.
59:26 – If Tony needs anything, Seth is there: “Romo! It’s Roma. Sup? Anything. Holla.”
2:01 – Seth has a Diet Sunkist right now. You know what that means – summertimes. It was still really hot in LA today.
2:13 – Seth shows a pressed maple leaf he received from his mom the day after mentioning it in Episode 243. He loves receiving New England fall foliage in the mail.
2:45 – Jah finds it weird that autumn and fall are the same thing but summer and winter don’t have other names. Jah says it was a bunk summer and it still feels like summer to him even though it’s moving into the holiday season. He’s prepared for full depression to set in by Thanksgiving.
30:10 – Seth mentions that you can go to Seth’s Corner on the website and view two new volumes, 5 and 6, of Seth’s video mash-ups. Also, if you go to the homepage, there’s a homepage banner link for the Podcast Awards (podcastawards.com), where you can vote for Uhh Yeah Dude for Best Comedy Podcast. Just like when Brando sent Sacheen Littlefeather to accept his Academy Award for The Godfather, Seth and Jah’s plan is to send Jeff, Nick and Weck to the ceremony in mandarin-collared, knee-length, Michael-Jordan-style tuxes while wearing Michael Jordan cologne, to accept their award for them.
1:04:59 – Seth’s advice for this week is to crush up an Addy and take it. Even give some to your twin babies in their gums.
25:35 – Jah recommends re-naming the podcast to “Talkin’ Turkey.”
26:50 – Jah thinks it would be cool if UYD had a hoteline where volunteers answered calls for all-purpose requests.
27:17 – Seth says there are new volumes up in Seth’s Corner. He acknowledges that there is some heavy shit featured in Volume 5 and some people were scared.
5:05 – Seth hears from his contacts who saw the James Franco vehicle 127 Hours, and apparently before his arm gets trapped in a crevice, he encounters two young girls and snaps digital photographs of them. At one point he thinks to himself, ‘I think I’m going to jerk off,’ and zooms in on the photo of one of the girls he took a picture of to zoom in on their chest to jerk off.
7:26 – Jah gives Seth another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.” It’s not really the holidays for Seth until J-Dawg sings that jingle.
7:52 – Seth asks when the best time to propose to your girlfriend is. J-Dawg thinks that if you want a summer wedding, you should propose during the summer prior so you have a full year to prepare.
20:00 – Jah thinks Huey Lewis & The News should have just been called “The News.” Seth and Jah then wonder if listeners hated all the 80s music flashbacks from Episode 246.
2:25 – The 3 things that give Seth a full panic attack are shitty radio ads, pundits talking about the royal British family getting married and holiday gift guides where they pick a theme like “Dad” or “Gifts for Mom.” For Jah it’s a SkyMall magazine.
8:14 – Jah references Leonor’s, the veggie restaurant in the Valley. There’s an acting school right next door, and Kevin Sorbo went to the school, so he’s featured front and center.
11:57 – Jah spots something on the floor and thinks it might be a cockroach. He signals Seth over to look at it and Seth has no idea either. Seth hypothesizes that it might be a small cockroach. Seth then proceeds to speak while J-dawg removes it from the studio.
38:32 – The only two things Seth needs are television and food
56:12 – Jah holds up a residual payment statement from the Screen Actors Guild addressed to a Seth Romatelli. The performer’s name is also Seth Romatelli. Crossroads played on free TV but not paid TV or video/DVD. Strangely, the gross amount was for $24.89, yet the check was for $14.85. Seth looks forward to writing his name on the back of that paper and then handing it to the Armenian lady with huge cans at the Bank of America in Larchmont. All 7 girls that work there are Armenian, wear the same sweater and same diamond-encrusted cross that hangs over their enormous cleavage.
2:06 – This is one of UYD’s very last episodes of 2010. 15:11 – Uhh Yeah Dude has been nominated as a Podcast Awards finalist for the People’s Choice category. Seth is thrilled, Jah – not so much.
36:25 – Jah has had some names floating around his brain that have been giving him fits. He follows up on Wafaa Bilal (Episode 248), who happened to go to high school with Nick, who runs the UYD website. (He was the only Iraqi in the entire school during the time we were going to war with Iraq.) Jah’s problem is that he used a song last week by Wiz Khalifa from Pittsburgh, and is trying to keep abreast of the alleged beef between Gucci Mane and Waka Flocka Flame.
1:06:04 – There are new UYD t-shirts on pre-order right now. There’s a UYD prism that’s gray on a heather tee with a black and white logo, there’s a design from the Broad show that will be used as well.
1:14:49 – Seth and Jah haven’t given much thought to Episode 250. Callers are throwing out all kinds of special things they could do, but Jah will be lucky to get there on time to record the show let alone do something fancy.
1:51 – Seth wishes everyone a Happy New Year even though it’s still Dec. 9.
2:06 – Seth thanks people for voting for UYD in the People’s Choice category of the Podcast Awards. Seth isn’t sure what they will win other than the respect of their peers and their pride.
1:04:45 – Speaking of secret, Jah asks Seth if he’s a Mason. He wants to know if there are any Masons that listen to this show.
2:43 – Jah says that he’s assembled a “look back” at the last 250 episodes, including some of the things they’ve said and funnier things they’ve said over the last 250 hours. They’re just going to sit back and roll it and hear it for the first time. Seth said he wants to throw out the index cards and pencils because anything is possible in this retrospective look back.
11:07 – Seth wants to know if there’s ever been a movie called Field Trip
15:18 – Seth saw Owen Wilson on a movie poster the other day and was freaked out thinking about the fact that “The Butterscotch Stallion” tried to kill himself in the summer of 2007.
55:30 – Seth claims that a citizen’s arrest is not a real thing. Jah wants to know if anyone has ever made one who listens to this show.
1:03:43 – Jah sends out a huge thank you to a gang of people who were nice enough to rally and send UYD some donation money. Jah was going to have a list in hand to be able to read off the names, but the list got kind of long and there were more things coming in and he didn’t want to leave anyone out. He broadly thanks people who decided to come together and do something for Jonathan and Seth. He says it’s a crazy awesome Christmas present and congratulatory present to them.
1:05:10 – Seth says he remembers Episode 001 and what Jonathan was wearing that night. Jah thinks he had cargo pants and Crocs on.
1:10:06 – Seth and Jah bump it in recognition of 250 episodes.
2:00 – Seth hopes that they can do a “Countdown to Destiny” episode on New Year’s Eve on Friday night. Seth thinks the New Year’s countdown is an exciting time, while J-Dawg thinks it’s depressing. Jah thinks we’re calling the upcoming year “Two-thousand-and-eleven,” while Seth will just call it “this year.”
15:22 – Seth wonders what the Chinese equivalent of Abiquiu, N.M. is.
49:29 – In the middle of Jah’s diatribe about the United States’ outside expenditures, Seth’s apartment buzzer sounds and he leaves to go retrieve a package. Seth returns with the biggest thing in the world and begins to open it as he discusses show items. The package is filled with packing peanuts, and Jah deciphers that it’s a big piece of art. Seth reads the card, which says “Hello, and Merry Christmas! Enclosed is one piece of artwork for each of you, but not, but is. When brought together, one soul and two pieces made of many little pieces by one person with two hands for two men, but are united as one. Touching so many lives. Fuck it – Seth, you figure it out. Merry Christmas guys. I have been waiting for good reason to do a phrenology piece, and what better reason could there be than UYD? I listen to you guys in my studio, cubicle, school and truly appreciate your dedication to the podcast and to America. Thanks for making me laugh my ass off and keeping me semi-sane in this fucked-up world. – Maria D’Angelo” … As Seth begins to dig deeper into opening up the package (56:36), he sends out a super thank-you to everybody who has ever sent anything into the studio. He has received so many great things over the years and has set up a shrine in the studio to commemorate it. As Seth unveils the package, Jah goes, “Oh my god, okie-doke. All right. This is nuts.” Seth declares (58:38) “We are looking at one of the craziest art pieces ever commissioned.” That was only one-half of it, and then he tears open the second one. Upon opening the second portion of the package (1:00:14), he declares “These are two large-scale collages…” After holding the two pieces up to each other (1:02:39), he realizes they are portraits of the two of them and they can’t exist individually – only with each other. The phrenology piece features J-dawg looking to the east and Seth looking to the west, and it’s the inside of their mind’s eye looking into the time-space continuum.
58:55 – Seth is coming over to the house for Christmas and will be spending the holiday with the Larroquettes. Seth and J-dawg were looking over all the stuff they’ve accrued on the table and wall of the stuff that’s been sent to the studio over the years. Thinking about all the donations that were sent at Episode 250 made Jah feel pretty Christmasy this year.
1:02:00 – Seth congratulates Tell ‘Em Steve Dave for winning the People’s Choice award in the Podcast Awards. He and Jah then apologize for bothering them with all the voting propaganda. Seth says now they can get back to the business at hand – doing the comedy podcast.
1:03:59 – Jah tells the listeners that there was a UYD app in the App Store that became available for sale and it was taken down again. There was a snafu through their hosting service. On that subject, Jah wants to know if anyone who listens to this show develops apps, because he wants to speak to them about doing a UYD app the right way.
1:57 – Jah and Seth say “sayonara” to 2010
24:17 – Seth just went sideways with his hat. It makes Jah think of Sideways with Paul Giamatti.
28:19 – Seth thinks they need to with their middle names, “Preston” and “Joey,” from now on in association with UYD.
30:32 – Seth finds out that bras are crazy expensive. Jah confirms this. Jah says one of the reasons that Victoria’s Secret is so successful is because it isn’t ridiculously expensive despite the quality.
32:26 – Seth wants to know what Mother Nature looks like. He knows what Jesus looks like but he doesn’t have any visual representation of what she looks like. J-dawg thinks she looks a lot like Gilda Radner.
1:04:34 – Jah asks if he’s allowed to leave Facebook. Seth says no; he’s locked in and he’s signed the contract. Jah is approaching the Facebook friend limit of 5,000 friends.
2:01 – Jah and Seth kick off the episode by poorly singing Bon Jovi
36:09 – Seth and Jah both like fruity gum. The only time Jah will eat minty gum is if his breath is rank and he needs that to correct it.
38:57 – Seth wants to know if J-dawg has ever prepared a meal for his lady, like they do in the meals. Jah says not really. He says it’s not romantic and it’s kind of weird. Ultimately he thinks the lady would appreciate a really good meal, period, versus a really crappy one you worked your ass off to make.
2:50 – Seth begins the episode by singing more Bon Jovi. UYD is in talks with Dickie Sambora to gain the rights to the song “It’s My Life.”
41:43 – Volume 7 of crazy videos is up in Seth’s Corner, so feel free to peep that 22-minute vid.
54:06 – After several unsuccessful attempts to flick his lighter and light a cigarette, Jah whispers frustratingly into the mic, “Oh my God, this fuckin’ lighter.”
2:09 – Jah is getting a pimple in the fold of his nose and it hurts like a sonofabitch.
2:16 – Richie Sambora will not let UYD use “It’s My Life” to open the rest of their episodes, so they’re left to their own devices.
31:28 – Jah asks Seth if he knows that they made a Garbage Pail Kids movie and it was live-action. Seth did not know this. Seth goes by “Bad Breath Seth” (Episode 037, 41:31) but Jah doesn’t think there was a Jonathan GPK. Seth discovers at 35:01 that Jah does not have a Garbage Pail Kid.
49:13 – Seth and Jah reference a couple of UYD staples, Enemy Mine (Episode 128, 12:41) and They Live. Jah then asks Seth about Moon, which came out a couple years ago with Sam Rockwell and Kevin Spacey.
2:33 – Seth and Jah were doing a little research about the world of R&B, hip-hop and pop. Jah says not to sleep on Stargate.
5:46 – Jah has noticed that the Facebook logo button with the “f” on it is popping up everywhere, on bus advertisements and at the end of new commercials, etc.
16:26 – Being that it’s UYD’s Valentine’s Day episode, it’s fair to remind listeners that “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
28:34 – This Friday, Feb. 11, Uhh Yeah Dude turns 5 years old. Episode 001 was released on Feb. 11, 2006.
45:34 – Jah reveals that the version of Smashmouth’s “All Star” that was read on the show (Episode 166, 0:14) was penned by listener John – who is the brother of their other friend, Will (electronic brother Baths), who Jogger was on tour with. Seth think Baths should remix that song in his set.
2:30 – Seth and Jah just stalled eight minutes so they could start the show at 4:20 a.m. Seth realized they could’ve just said it was and no one would’ve known, but that proves the authenticity with which they run their show.
2:15 – Seth wonders how he looks. He wonders if Jah would’ve known that Seth had surgery if Seth had never told him. Jah says he might’ve suspected that Seth had sustained some type of an injury because he’s favoring his leg still and it’s padded out more than the other leg.
44:34 – Jah wishes there was a home test for testosterone. He thinks it could be as valid in your daily activities as taking blood pressure.
2:27 – Jah mixes up some psychotic sound effects
2:43 – Seth just applied some lip balm before they started dropping some lip bombs.
3:09 – Seth’s 20-year high school reunion is coming up.
11:23 – The voicemail is back up, after a brief technical hiatus.
22:02 – Jah has more questions for girls. He wants to know how many girls that listen to this show have ever gotten hit on by a cop after getting pulled over. He wants to know if they got out of the ticket and if they gave him their phone number.
45:22 – Jah wants to know why there isn’t a smaller, personal, more affordable lie detector test.
2:42 – This is Episode Number Two-Hundred Sixty Fruit.
2:53 – Seth announces his presence by whistling (Episode 144, 0:25, 1:02 and 1:17)
1:10:23 – Jah can’t bake, so Seth thinks he might get him a cooking/baking class for his birthday as a couples gift with Jah’s lady.
59:57 – Jah begins reading trippy stuff. Many people on Earth are from other star systems, other galaxies, even other universes. These are called star seeds, walk-ins, light workers – human beings with alien DNA, or star-borne mortals. Star seeds have been coming since the beginning of Earth’s history, getting experience in being human – reincarnating over and over again, until they were ready for what’s called an awakening in the age of Aquarius and the ascension in the age of Aquarius that happens in 2012. Jah then reads characteristics of star seeds: compelling eyes, lower-than-normal body temperature, flying dreams, children and animals are attracted to you even though you hate both, hypersensitive to electromagnetic forcefields, and unseen companions as a child.
2:59 – Baby Emerson, an internet sensation, is in the studio with Jonathan and Seth right now.
28:32 – Seth’s phone rings in the background. He has a new phone and doesn’t know how to turn the ringer off anymore.
32:49 – Jah wonders the last time Seth heard “Hollyweird.” Seth thinks maybe it was Fred Durst (Episode 188, 10:03).
35:05 – Seth makes a crazy hand job motion that freaks J-dawg out temporarily.
1:05:42 – The Ghost in Hobart makes its appearance in Seth’s studio. Something moves through the studio that they’ve never seen move before.
4:24 – Jah asks if the house can turn down the lights a little bit so he isn’t blinded every time he looks into the audience.
1:18:20 – To round out the show, Jonathan invites his good friend and Jogger band mate Amir up on stage. The two proceed to play a rousing rendition of “Don’t Know Much” by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville.
2:16 – Jah and Seth are a little tuckered out after going 90 minutes last week. They’re back in Seth’s apartment and back to normal.
3:01 – Jah and Seth received a gift in the form of an album, Bruce Willis’ The Return of Bruno. In the liner notes it says, “This album could not have been made without the help of the following people: My main mazain and co-potato head Robert Craft, the unwavering patience of Motown Records and lastly and most importantly, the big cat upstairs. Once upon a time, after wandering around in a daze for 12 years, in a hot, steamy, stankin’ Thursday night late in June 1986 I walked into a low-down and dirty dive called Club Babylon. It was my kind of place. On stage was a band who within 10 seconds had my little pink R&B toes tappin’. I knew I’d get along with these guys immediately. They all had dirty under their fingernails. I approached the bar, I ordered a Lamey Lo and quicker than a cat may blink its eye, the leader of these rhythm merchants said, “Hey Bruno, wanna sit in?” The rest as they say in this crazy mixed-up patchwork quilt of a town they call Hollywood is history. Your pal, Bruno.”
43:42 – Seth wonders if it would be crazy if he liked Jake Gyllenhaal. He won’t say it yet, he wants to do more research, but he thinks he just needs the right vehicle. Neither Seth nor Jah has ever watched Brokeback Mountain, but they think they might need to do it together.
58:20 – Jah understands that UYD is wanted in other places for possible live shows, and on that note he wants all to know that they are committed to doing that over the next several months.
1:01:54 – Seth warns everyone to hydrate this week.
32:39 – Jah thinks that people who carry iPads down the street in Seattle deserve to have them stolen by junkies.
2:27 – It’s May, and J-dawg has royal wedding fever. 17:03 – After several seconds of a loud, piercing alarm going off in the background, Seth asks listeners if they can hear it as well.
51:14 – Since Seth is one of those guys who will go to a massage chair in a shopping mall, Jonathan wonders if Seth would be willing to accept a possibility of interest in a hand and face washing station that isn’t in a bathroom.
15:26 – Seth wonders if UYD started getting mad money, what should they invest in? Jah says they should invest in Half Brick, the company that put out the Fruit Ninja app.
1:12:15 – Seth admonishes people to just be honest this week.
1:13:36 – Jah gets trippy and begins reading from Deskerati: “The concept of time as a way to measure the duration of events is not only deeply intuitive; it also plays an important role in our mathematical descriptions of physical systems. For instance, we define an object’s speed as its displacement per a given time. But some researchers theorize that this Newtonian idea of time as an absolute quantity that flows on its own, along with the idea that time is the fourth dimension of spacetime, are incorrect. They propose to replace these concepts of time with a view that corresponds more accurately to the physical world: time as a measure of the numerical order of change.” They are suggesting that space-time has no time dimension.
1:44 – Seth wonders if they should do the whole show in hushed dulcitone voices.
25:42 – Jonathan’s cell phone alarm starts to go off in the background.
36:00 – Jah wonders about the percentage of people who go against their natural inclination and choose to be homosexual because it’s taboo. Jah thinks it might be 30% of gay people.
55:01 – Jah asks if he can tell a joke: “What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass.”
55:41 – Jah admits the UYD store is behind on shipping. Everything that has been ordered will be coming to you, just be patient.
56:20 – Jah says UYD would like to come to other cities to do live UYD shows, and queries listeners to inform him of any people they might know who could set them up with venues.
5:59 – Jah and Seth sing a jingle for a Southern California LAP-BAND weight loss surgery center: “Call 1-800-GET-THIN!”
12:42 – Seth shows Jonathan some mailbox money. He received a residual check worth $25.45. The shoot day was April 3, 2005 – shortly before the start of UYD in February 2006. This was no for Crossroads – it was for McBride No. 6 – “Did Anybody Here Murder Marty?” It re-aired on Christmas Day 2010. This means that Jonathan should receive an actual check for it because he and Amir did the music for the movie, and each time something airs he gets about $400.
13:20 – Jonathan is drinking a Fresita premium Chilean sparkling wine, infused with hand-picked strawberries from Patagonia.
1:02:23 – Volume 9 of Seth’s Corner is now up on the UYD website. It starts off with several openings of TV shows, then plunges in after that. Seth watched it last night and declares that it is a good one. It’s funny and it makes you think.
2:12 – Seth is in anti-distress. There’s one reason for it – Diet Dr Pepper, with Thor on his can.
9:13 – Jonathan is drinking another Fresita (Episode 274, 13:20). Jah likes it because it’s sticky and sweet. Seth wonders how many J-dawg could drink in one setting. He says he could drink 8-11 of them.
13:17 – Seth thinks Lil’ Jon should start a pizza chain.
33:06 – Jonathan wonders if they should add a “UYD Advisor” portion to the website where people can submit questions and they can give them answers.
10:17 – Seth goes about 30-50 on his SPF depending on his mood because he likes to be sun-kissed. Jah thinks that’s like wearing a linen suit. If J-dawg’s in Hawaii he’ll put SPF 30 on his nose.
26:24 – Seth thinks Prince might have been right when he said the internet was done. Seth gets on there and can’t find anything anymore.
22:45 – Seth gives a shout-out to his sister city, Pittsburgh.
45:24 – Jah asks Seth if he has an inny or an outie. Seth replies, “Oh don’t be sick” (Episode 081, 28:47). There’s not a person in the world who would think Seth has an outie going on. Seth is repulsed by disgusting outies, like Katie Holmes’.
2:27 – Jah begins the episode by riffing on a song by Hot Chelle Rae called “Tonight Tonight.”
18:12 – Seth reminds us that Archie comics is based on his high schoo, Haverhill High School. Seth wonders if he could be a friend of Kevin in the upcoming gay comic.
19:58 – Seth reveals that there’s a new edition, Volume 10, of Seth’s Clips up on the UYD website.
1:06:31 – Jah tells us that chizzuh, or Charlie, a big UYD supporter and presence on the forums, coaxed Jah into checking out a new social networking feature that launched recently called TurntableFM. They started a UYD room and J-dawg checked it out. It was the only experience doing something with social networking where he felt he was getting something he wouldn’t normally get in another venue. Jah admits it’s a little lame but it’s quasi-awesome.
7:12 – Seth’s formative years were when he came up in recess. Jah wouldn’t call it recess, he would call it “nutrition.” (Episode 041, 43:24)
8:59 – Whenever J-dawg sees Channing Tatum’s name, he always thinks of Biffin’s Bridge. His name makes him think of a choade, which is also known as a taint. So he thinks of the small piece of skin between his scrotum and asshole.
38:45 – The 9/11 anniversary is coming up. Friend of the show Turquoise Wisdom is flying to New York on 9/11. He thinks it should be free.
59:06 – Jah declares that pronunciation is the twin brother of intonation.
3:17 – Jah loves when shows fall on the first of the month – especially Seth’s birthday month
9:04 – The guys received an amazing piece of UYD needlepoint that is awesome.
11:10 – Seth wants to make sure Jah has no gum on him this week. Jah apologizes because many UYD listeners sent in complaints about how loud it sounded in last week’s episode. In Jah’s defense, however, he is trying to quit smoking.
1:13:51 – The mailman comes by Seth’s door with a returned item of some piece of merchandise that Jonathan sent to listener Tonya.
3:52 – Volume 11 of Seth’s Corner is up on the UYD website.
1:02:07 – Jah loves Seth but he asks if he can go home soon.
1:09:22 – Jah brings in an electrocution sound effect in post production to shock people.
39:18 – Jah wonders how many people who listen to UYD are on Megan’s Law. Seth estimates 30%.
1:00:32 – Jah asks Seth if he thinks it’s weird they had a candlelight vigil outside of the Apple Store on the 3rd Street Promenade the other night.
57:15 – Hold off on calling Jah’s cell phone for now. We’re having some financial/technical/Occupy Hobart issues. “It’s very hard to charge a phone when you’re living in a tent,” says Jah.
4:00 – Seth reminds everyone to check the batteries on their smoke alarms. People have been telling Jah to tell Seth that because they know this is the time of year when he brings it up. Seth also reminds people to check their carbon monoxide detectors so people don’t kill each other like Jonathan and Seth did in Episode 089.
13:23 – UYD will be having a live show in Seattle in January 2012 on Friday the 13th at the Neptune Theatre in the University district. It’s an all-ages show and there will be a bar with ID. You can get tickets by using the click-through on the UYD website or by visiting stgpresents.org.
19:32 – Seth says his excitement about the UYD animation was slightly premature. It’s being extended and worked out by Jeff and Roy and will be on the website eventually.
1:11:58 – Jah has a short thing to read from a friend of the show. Any time he sends him something, it piques J-dawg’s interest: “The most important things are other people and significant experiences. Of the latter we have spoken. There are significant people in our lives, or there are people who become significant as soon as we feel the strong necessity to deal with ourselves. They are not necessarily those who we or others suppose to be significant at first sight. We touch one another differently, affect one another in quite different ways. Two people may be useful to one another, or quite useless. Or quite useless in this recurrence. It is not a matter of propinquity, but a position in psychological space. From the standpoint of the re-entry of the light, our relationships to certain people begin to have a new and quite peculiar value – one that cannot ever be given by the notion of passing time. We meet again, thus our relationships always lie ahead of us. This is the chief change of standpoint that is necessary to make for otherwise signficiant elements in our lives will not be understood. If we are blind to significant elements and do not value or understand them, they remain inactive in the light, but if we see them in a special light, they become active. It will give inner attention to them, inner feeling, inner thought in a way impossible when we are gripped by the illusion of passing time. Conscience will begin or consciousness in time. These active points lying in the light are to be thought of as capable as spreading their influences in either direction in the recurrences of light, i.e. backwards and forwards, obliterating useless parts of light by growing into them. By useless parts, I mean accidental circumstances, contacts and phases in the light that have no real significance or only a harmful one. We must form the picture of the light as a growth, transverse to time and capable of growing not merely in one part but in many parts, i.e. we must get rid of the idea that light only grows from the present.”
16:44 - UYD is doing two live shows - Friday, Jan. 13, 2012 at 8 p.m. at the Neptune Theater in Seattle (stgpresents.org) and Thursday, Feb. 2, 2012 at 8 p.m. Largo at the Coronet Theater (largo-la.com).
26:51 - Jah asks if you're supposed to tip your mailman on Christmas. His understanding was you're supposed to tip mailmen, milk men and garbagemen.
1:11:25 – There was an issue with the UYD website this week. It was shut down, and when it went back up, everything was lost. Somehow it got recovered. During the time it was gone forever, Jah found out that the wiki was still backed up and archived and all of Jeff’s show notes were backed up. Jah was blown away by the reminder of the fact that the people who keep it going are crazy. He gets trippy with it being Thanksgiving and gives thanks to all.
4:52 – Jah says Episode 300 should be the introduction of the third entity on the show, which is the zany voice guy.
2:08 – This is an entire new threshold when you leap over the event horizon.
1:02:26 – Jah is maxed out with 5,000 friends on Facebook. He can still receive friend requests but can’t accept them. However, people can subscribe and follow his page without being his friend – there is no limit to how many people can do that.
3:14 – The holidays can be depressing. UYD got a lot of voicemails to this effect.
25:55 – Jah gives us an epic “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
1:00:32 – Jah apologizes for all the website troubles.
1:00:46 – UYD put up a bunch of videos on its YouTube channel (youtube.com/uhhyeahdude), featuring a bunch of cut-up segments from live shows.
2:33 – This episode was originally recorded on Sunday, June 5, 2011, and was hosted by Marcia and Seth Romatelli. This is Marcia’s third episode to co-host.
19:46 – Marcia wants to know when tonic changed to soda. She used to call coke and pepsi “tonic.” Dungarees are now called jeans and pocketbooks are now called purses. Grinders are now called subs.
4:29 – These are your final days to purchase tickets for the UYD show in Seattle (1/13 at the Neptune Theater)
0:57 – A raucous Seattle crowd greets Jah and Seth
1:19:12 – Jah gives in to popular demand and shows the crowd his tattoo.
1:27:06 – Seth pulls out some mailbox money from being a famous actor on Crossroads. He’s got the $8 check to prove that he worked with Britney Spears.
2:42 – Jah and Seth thank everyone who came to join them last week up in Seattle.
1:27 – A Largo crowd greets Jonathan and Seth. Jah and Seth give props to the animations that played before the show, brought to us by 55inch, pu and Landfill Bill.
37:40 – Seth’s future adopted black grandson, Jeff, is mentioned.
1:04:22 – Jah is nervous about Seth’s mic being too low in volume so he hopes it was captured effectively. He wonders if he has a malfunctioning microphone.
2:11 – In honor of this being Episode 311, Jonathan and Seth sing some 311 rap-rock riffs
8:10 – Since it’s Jah’s brother Ben’s birthday month, he wants to reveal his middle name. Jah is worried that could raise an identity theft issue. Seth says it’s a crazy middle name and maybe the best one ever. Seth’s going to table this issue for now.
15:27 – Jah sensed a little audio earthquake. He hates to think that he’s so cheap that he didn’t bring another mic and cable but he actually didn’t have one. He’ll have to get Seth a new one.
1:02:05 – Seth’s mic begins to crackle pretty bad so Jah calls him over to check it out
3:17 – Seth wonders what’s happening to 2012. They’re working on the Christmas Creep almost.
38:41 – Seth’s Clips Volume 13 is up on UhhYeahDude.com.
57:33 – Seth wonders what the Räelians are up to. They were supposedly going to clone a baby (Episode 048, 38:03).
1:08:45 – Jah has two very short jokes he wants to tell: 1) How do you know if someone is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll fuckin’ tell you; and 2) What’s the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your mom can’t take a joke.
0:27 – Seth says they are closely monitoring tech right now. Jah has determined that there were no microphone or cable problems – it was definitely a digital issue, and maybe it’s rectified. Seth says the name of their new podcast is “Digital Issues.”
1:04:59 – There is new merch up for sale on the website – finally, as well as Volume 13 of Seth’s Clips.
3:01 – Jonathan reveals that he doesn’t like being called “Jah,” a nickname that he gave himself. He says that as flattering as it is to have a nickname, he doesn’t feel comfortable with it.
8:46 – Seth wonders if they can make deductions for doing their podcast. Jah thinks they should be able to for media-related expenses.
14:15 – Jonathan wonders if the phone in Seth’s apartment is going to continue ringing. It does.
42:45 – Jonathan tells a joke: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker Face.
59:40 – Seth and Jonathan wonder if they’re going to get Kony. Seth can’t bring himself ot watch it because he keeps watching videos of dudes falling down escalators and dying laughing.
1:03:03 – Police sirens begin blaring outside of Seth’s apartment.
2:51 – Jonathan sings The Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.”
4:28 – Being that it’s Episode 316, Seth reads a biblical verse from Jonathan (John) 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
7:13 – Seth has already looked at his microphone’s on/off switch four times since the show started.
3:02 – Jonathan wishes his brother Ben a happy birthday.
3:07 – Jonathan wants to switch seats while recording this show. Seth will not allow him to do it because it will throw him off.
19:19 – Seth thanks the AV Club for plugging UYD in their weekly podcast review called “PodMass.”
10:09 – This episode is dedicated to Bernie Mac and Cedric the Entertainer.
1:07:38 – Seth wonders if there’s been a world record established for longest podcast. If it was only 2 hours he would want to beat it.
3:31 – A new Seth’s Clips, Vol. 14, is up on the UYD website.
11:19 – Jonathan thinks Edible Arrangements are so goofy, but they are so good.
34:31 – Jonathan said that 867-5309 works for almost any club card because almost every person has filled one out with that dummy number. Other people put 123-4567.
1:09:48 – Seth found out that the world-record longest podcast was 70 hours, and both he and Jonathan think that’s cruel to do to people. Jonathan would rather shoot himself in the face than be forced to listen to that.
5:41 – Jonathan asks Seth a question about Transformers that he doesn’t understand. He realizes that they transform between cars and robots but he wonders if they’re aliens that took that form when they came to Earth.
]]>9:54 – In Connecticut, 14 girls in the last two months have been sexually assaulted by guys they’ve met on Myspace
10:15 – Annual Run to the top of the Empire State Building in NYC – winners were Andrea Mair of Austria and Thomas Dold of Germany – it was Mair’s third women’s race title in a row in record time – completed 2-mile race in 11:23. Dold did it in 10:19.
21:26 – Alan Shalleck found covered in garbage bags in front of mobile home – helped bring Curious George to TV; found dead just before the Curious George movie was released
23:05 – A sampling of the 911 calls Seth hears on Good Morning America, when they reveal that 200 million people call it every year – many of them non-emergencies: Hey, what time is it? … Um, is it winter time or is it summer time? Because the seasons change … Uhh yeah, I need the number for Pizza Hut! I can’t get it from Pizza Hut, I can’t get it from the directory and I can’t get it from 411! I need a pizza! … Um, hello. I’m at Burger King right now, and I’m ordering a Western Bacon Cheeseburger and they’re making it wrong. This is an emergency! I want you to send an officer down here right now!
36:17 – On this date in 1989, in order to gain deregulation, the WWF (now WWE) admitted in a N.J. state court that pro wrestling was an exhibition and not a sport
47:32 – The Army sent a bill to a 25-year-old first lieutenant who was injured in Iraq. The bill was for $632 to pay for his body armor vest that he didn’t return. He didn’t return it because he was shot, it was covered in blood and the medics burned it on the battlefield as a biohazard. They had to hold a fundraiser in his hometown to pay for it
49:45 – Jessica McClure (Baby Jessica) was married in Midland, TX this week
4:03 – Gonzaga dean of students has to tell students to quit chanting “Brokeback Mountain!” at opposing players
25:54 – Lonnie Billiter Jr. of Colerain Township, Ohio, becomes eighth person ever to bowl three perfect games in a row.
37:04 - A San Diego fire truck at the scene of a pre-dawn traffic accident burst into flames when its engine caught on fire
37:54 – Rural firefighters in Monett, Mo., stood by and watched a fire destroy a garage and a vehicle because the property owner had not paid his membership dues. The man was injured in the fire trying to battle it himself with a garden hose and buckets while the firefighters stood by and watched it.
44:45 – The Harlem Globetrotters are going to be at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Ticket prices are up to $130
46:13 – In 2000, Boston University calculated the odds of an average player making a hole-in-one in the game of golf. The odds are 12,000 to 1. The average of 2 players playing in a foursome making a hole-in-one on the same hole are 17 million to 1. This happened recently – two brothers did this while playing.
5:58 – In Washington, D.C., a man who claimed to have a cell phone implanted in his head was convicted of jumping the White House fence in a bid to meet Chelsea Clinton
6:58 – Man got in an argument with his girlfriend and jammed her cell phone down her throat. Woman claims she swallowed it
23:13 – Phillip Swan, president of TVpredictions.com: “Cameron Diaz looks like a mess in high definition. You can see her acne scars. It’s the ultimate reality TV.”
24:23 – Sheriff in Spotsylvania, Va., isn’t allowing his detectives to receive sexual services while investigating suspected prostitution
36:35 – In Italy, sexually abusing a teen is deemed a less serious crime if the girl’s not a virgin. Seth: “I saw The Accused. Leo Rossi.”
53:27 – In France, three photographers that photographed Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed the night of their fatal 1997 crash have each been symbolically fined one euro for their roles in her death.
54:48 – An unlicensed doctor in San Francisco, Stephen Bryan Turner, was injecting patients with a saline solution he claimed was a vaccine for various afflictions
56:23 – The Philadelphia 76ers, in cooperation with local police, are offering fans free tickets to upcoming games if they turn in a handgun
57:09 – Yoplait yogurt breast cancer campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.”
9:47 – There was a car accident that transpired last week in Los Angeles. It occurred on the PCH in Malibu and involved an Enzo Ferrari – which costs between $600,000 and $1 million. The car hit a telephone pole and got cut in half, while the telephone pole flipped over 180 degrees and was hanging by its own wires. The driver, Stephone, claimed he wasn’t the driver of the car, but he was. It turns out he was racing against a Mercedes SLR. Stephone’s story is that he’s a failed video game inventor that made a racing game. Now here he is in real life racing at 162 miles per hour. He came out of it with nothing but a cut lip. Eight days later, we find out that Scotland Yard is investigating a claim that a bank claims to own the Enzo, a Gloc gun cartridge was found at the scene that they’re trying to tie to him, and “Homeland Security officials” arrived at the scene to investigate him. They were found out to work at a transit company in the San Gabriel Valley that is a front for some kind of illegal operation that they haven’t figured out what it is.
41:18 – Kevin Garnett story – threw ball into stands and barely hit a fan; apologizes to man; man pretends to be seriously injured and gets carried out of arena in a stretcher
47:04 – Dr. Louis Gottschalk (not Louis Gossett Jr.), a renowned psychiatrist at UC-Irvine, was duped into squandering $1.3 million of his family’s fortune in a Nigerian internet scam. He traveled to Nigeria and began meeting with people called “The General” and other Nigerians to let them know he was serious about getting the money.
56:43 – Flight attendant on Virgin Atlantic flight screamed at the top of her lungs “We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash!” after the plane experienced some turbulence
7:23 – Forbes’ billionaire ranking list came out. Sergey Brin, co-owner of Google, is worth $12,900,000,000, but Larry Page, the other co-owner, is only worth $12,800,000,000
24:40 – Celebrities’ kids wack names: Nic Cage – Kal-el; Sly Stallone – Sage Moonblood; Rob Morrow – Tu; Jason Lee – Pilot Inspector; Shannon Sossamon – Audio Science; Jonathan Davis of Korn – Pirate; David Duchovny/Téa Leoni – Kyd; Ginuwine – Story; Robert Rodriguez – Rebel, Racer, Rogue and Rocket.
28:25 – Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall’s Brokeback shirts sell for $100,000+; Crash screenplay signed by writer, director, cast sells for $255. Seth: “I could grill up veggie bacon right now, manipulate a face of Jesus and sell it for $300 tomorrow.”
41:36 – Second-grade kid brings live grenade into show-and-tell. Seth: “Would you rather have your kid bring a grenade or cocaine into class.” Jah: “Grenade.”
44:22 – Dairy worker and 8-year-old son die in a 10-foot deep manure pit
47:33 – Border patrol guys nabbed for smuggling illegal immigrants across borders
48:57 – Shannon Kennedy is deaf, yet she went to the Bon Jovi show at the Key Center in Seattle. She had a music interpreter, Joanne Ball, to do sign language so she could get the full effect of Bon Jovi’s songs
54:04 – Kansas church protesting funerals of Iraqi war victims because they are defending a country that accepts homosexuality
5:18 – LA Marathon is coming up, the 21st. Seth will be there. There are 289 people who have run all 20 LA Marathons; they’re called “Legacy Runners” 25,000 runners in all
31:05 – Chicago police come to arrest man after having fight with girlfriend, hurls objects at cops including his own severed penis (Seth: “Junior Mints, a lamp, a potted plant, a Shamrock Shake and a cock. Take that!”)
33:57 – A 15-year-old boy whose followers believe he’s the reincarnation of Buddha has disappeared after 10 solid months of meditation in the jungles of Nepal. He has been sitting cross-legged and motionless with his eyes closed on the roots of a tree with no food or water since May 17, 2005. Jah thinks he got eaten by a Tiger or cut by the Chinese or he got up and went to find a Shamrock Shake
35:33 – Federal authorities seized 250 counterfeit $1 billion bills. The swindlers tried to convince the elderly victims that the notes were recovered from caves in the Phillipines where freedom fighters stashed them in World War II
57:47 – Guy on a COPS episode – explanation why he doesn’t come to the door: “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘love is blind?’ Well you should try fear.”
25:13 – Seth lists off the AVN Award winners
35:12 – Deborah Lafave overview, interview with ex-husband Owen Lafave.
54:27 – Horn Lake, Mississippi cops break into what they think is a meth lab, beat down an 80-year-old couple while sleeping
56:23 – In his upcoming movie Alpha Dog, Justin Timberlake is playing a tough guy, yet is sporting a Chinese tattoo that translates into “ice skating”
52:53 – Babies in bars
54:13 – FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women – Jenny McCarthy is No. 7
54:58 – Matisyahu has some stiff competition on the reggae charts: Bob Marley (deceased) and Ziggy Marley
14:13 – Next weekend in Palm Springs – the White Party – the hottest bodies around. It’s the gay party of the year. You dress in white if you’re dressed at all
53:27 – 35 million Americans wear contacts, including Seth. Optometrists have found a new eye fungus, fuserium, which drops on the cornea.
56:20 – The new fuserium outbreak originally mentioned in Episode 009 is a result of people using Bausch & Lomb Renu contact solution. Seth thinks the Chicago Tylenol murderer who used cyanide in 1982 is now tampering with the contact solution
12:53 – At gay pride parade in June, Castro district is going to have gay families involved – kids clad in Village People outfits dancing around on floats. Seth: “Assless rubber chaps and crocs. Hey I’m 6. No. No! You live in the suburbs. Just play T-ball. Stop wearing chaps. Stop being on floats. Stop it.”
49:09 – Purcell, OK police chief David Tompkins potential motive: “This appears to be another one of those kidnap a person, rape em, torture em, kill em, cut off their head, drain their body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, dispose of the organs, bury the bones.”
51:04 – Mark Ecko pulls internet hoax by painting an airplane like Air Force One and acting like they spray painted it rogue style
59:40 – Webster’s adds a new word for the dictionary in ’05: jimmy hat
19:03 – Charlie Sheen took a portrait of his wedding day, spray-painted DUMBEST DAY OF MY LIFE and then took a chainsaw to it
50:05 – Gas prices are so high in L.A. that dudes are purposely running out of gas so the courtesy trucks will pull up and give them a gallon
25:28 – Of the 32 countries at the World Cup, every single country has a flag of their country on the back of their bus except U.S.A. so they won’t blow us up
38:54 – A review of CBS News Sunday Morning’s Into the Future: 2001 segment from 1986: rep from GM says car will be commanded by own voice; bathroom will be a crazy collage with a stationary bike and bed, etc.
41:21 – More collect calls are made on Father’s Day than any other day. Seth: “Hey dick dad – thanks for raping me. I hate you and you’re going to die! Sperm donor dad! Click.”
41:56 – The United States Postal Service (USPS) has created a Forever Stamp that will always be usable, despite the rising costs of postage.
51:00 – Ohio man being put to death leans up to executioner after lethal injection is given: “It’s not working.”
54:01 – Top 20 ringtones as of today: #1 is a tie between the Halloween theme song and the Super Mario Bros. theme song
49:03 – Boyfriend came into gas station where girl worked, doused her in gas and set her on fire. Brother of victim: “She was the sweetest person. She had a fire in her that you would just love.”
59:35 – Newlywed couple pleads not guilty to drug charges in front of the same judge who pronounced them husband and wife the day before
3:58 – Anderson Cooper watches Super Sweet 16 Part 2 and Tiara Girls on MTV
5:59 – Louisiana Democrat William Jefferson was taking bribes, was caught with $90,000 wrapped in aluminum foil in his freezer
7:25 – New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is re-elected, and talks about N.O. being a “chocolate city” and keeping it that way: “You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk and it becomes a delicious drink. That’s the kind of chocolate I’m talking about.”
14:49 – In Sidney, Neb., a man sexually assaulted a young child. The judge acknowledges that the man is guilty, but she sentences him to 10 years probation because he’s only 5-foot-1, and says he’s too short to go to prison
18:35 – Grown men going to HS football games, bringing video cameras and training them on the cheerleaders and selling them on the internet
48:15 – Last weekend a guy dressed up in full Freddy Krueger regalia attacked a homeless man on Hollywood and La Brea and put him in the hospital
48:56 – In Cincinnati, a vampire man protests the new Garlic Cheeseburger at White Castle
52:09 – Sir Edmund Hillary outraged at mountain climber who left another to die (Mark Ingles – double amputee who was previously rescued leaves other to die)
0:38 – Third baseman for Long Beach State baseball team up for top college player of the year. His name? Evan Longoria. Seth: “Does Evan Longoria listen to our show?” (55:15)
4:52 – Anderson Cooper is “so into The Hills” and can’t wait for “Beyond the Break”
55:51 – 24-year-old Cory Favreau stabs his mom with a sharp cross-shaped object over disagreement about American Idol contestant Katherine McPhee
18:52 – A man has fucked a pony to death while two dudes watched
21:33 – Omni Magazine’s predictions made in 1979 (ex.: In a few years ESP will not be fiction – it will be fact. By the late ’80s, we’ll have cloned human beings.; A modern subway will carry passengers from NYC to LA in 21 minutes at a cost of $54. Top speed: 14,000 mph)
1:44 – Girls at Arizona State University doing the “Arizona Double Dip” – get a Mystic tan, then immediately get on tanning beds and bake Mystic tan into their bodies
33:06 – New ringtone referred to as “mosquito ringtone” that has a frequency so high it will drive kids away from particular places. Kids can text each other in class without teachers knowing.
43:55 – “Deadcasts.” Live feeds via the internet where you can attend a funeral service
6:10 – Crazy words added to Webster’s Dictionary (ex: mouse potato) Jah: “You’re such a mouse potato! Why don’t you get out and take a walk?!”
3:33 – Oregon man sues Nike and Phil Knight because he looks like Michael Jordan
16:52 – Trucker driving cross country and killing prostitutes gets caught by walking into a police station with a woman’s breast in his front pocket
41:59 – This Week In Brazil: 9-year-old woman becomes the youngest documented mother in the history of man
3:37 – Pete Coors gets a DUI
18:55 – Haley Joel Osment flips his ’95 Saturn on the freeway (Seth: “There’s a rule in Hollywood: You can’t drive a car that’s older than the year you were nominated for an academy award.”)
24:04 – Rehash of story about boyfriend shoving cell phone down girlfriend’s mouth – jury lets him off b/c apparently they buy the story of her trying to swallow the phone to hide the numbers from her boyfriend
56:25 – “Bagging” – kids stick heads in bags of mothballs
40:10 – Crazy minor league baseball team promotions: Newark Bears – Britney Spears Baby Safety Night; Michigan Devil Rays – picked 3 lucky fans and sent them home with their own grounds crew; Altoona Curves – Awful Night game – do everything to make experience as unpleasant as possible for the fans, including having people heckle them and selling bottomless beer cups (you can purchase the bottom of the cup for 13 cents); Hagarstown Suns – Pre-planned Funeral Night, where one lucky fan was given a $6,500 value funeral; Nobody Night – tried to set record for lowest baseball attendance for a minor league baseball game, so fans were locked out of the game until the fifth inning when it became official; Father’s Day giveaway where two fans received a free vasectomy; first 500 fans received frozen popsicles shortly after Ted Williams’ son tried to cryogenically freeze Ted’s body
54:18 – Provincetown, MA: Gays verbally abusing straights by calling them “breeders.”
7:20 – U.S. Army having trouble recruiting people; raises the maximum enlistment age from 40 to 42 in the first week of June ’06. Five dudes have signed up since.
52:44 – Jamaican sprinter Asafa Powell can’t get on a plane because of custom shoes
54:30 – Long time listener, first time killer Wayne Adam Ford enters police station with tit in pocket (first mentioned in Episode 023 @ 16:52) … Victoria Redstall falls in love with him. Now Jah’s falling in love with her.
7:27 – On Google searching, these words come up the most in the state of Utah: Jesus, second coming, scrapbooking, digiscrapping, UYD, baby names, potty training, quilting, barbie
48:21 – PETA activists go back to given birth names (Christopher Garnett – last three years known as “KentuckyFriedCruelty.com” Karen Roberts changed name to “GoVeg.com” Another changed name to “RinglingBeatsAnimals.com”)
12:39 – Study released by GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) shows that for the fall 06 TV schedule, there are a total of only 14 LGBT characters (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender)
32:53 – America’s Drunkest Cities – 1) Milwaukee, 2) Minneapolis/St. Paul, 3) Columbus, OH, 4) Boston, 5) Austin, 6) Chicago, 7) Cleveland, 8) Pittsburgh, 9) Philadelphia, 10) Providence RI
47:06 – Ron Artest to kids: “Someone started trouble, and I ended it.”
20:31 – Flat daddy – life-size photo of your dad who’s in Iraq so kids can pretend that he’s still there
1:35 – State Fair of Texas specializes in crazy fried foods: first-ever corn dog; first fried Twinkie; deep-fried Coca-Cola
18:09 – Iran claims they’ve found a cure for AIDS
25:33 – Mancations – vacation for the boys to roll out
46:19 and 54:53 – Best names in NFL: Samari Rolle, Peerless Price, Jabari Greer, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Ebanezer Ekuban, Takeo Spikes, Jeremetrius Butler, Laverneaus Coles, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Boss Bailey, Deuce McAlister, Tully Banta-Cain, Asante Samuel, Ty Law, Frostee Rucker, Chika Okafor, Tank Johnson, Bubba Franks, Anquan Boldin, Jevon Kearse, Marques Tuiasasopo, Na’il Diggs
48:54 – Crazy religious community in the Ozarks of Missouri – child predator charges filed against pastor. He says he was ordained by God to fulfill needs of these young girls by giving them Angel Kisses: Seth re-enacts scene with kissing sound effects: If it didn’t feel good, God wouldn’t let me do it. God’s good. It’s an angel kiss
21:17 – FDA warns U.S. citizens not to drink hydrogen peroxide for medical purposes
24:03 – Furniture store owner in Chicago guarantees free furniture if Bears shut out Packers, Bears won 26-0 and he is out $400,000 in furniture
26:30 – Kids choose to eat rocks with Spongebob stickers on them instead of real fruit
36:32 – Taking Action for Animals conference in D.C. – president of Humane Society suggests a new term for dogs: “Canine Americans.”
24:13 – Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell all fired from SNL. Jah: “If Tim Meadows can’t get fired, how the fuck can Horatio Sanz get fired?!”
31:21 – The “Red-Headed Stranger” Willie Nelson got pulled over with a pound and a half of marijuana and 91 grams of mushrooms
36:11 – LW McNutt Jr. – Collin Street Bakery famous for mail-order holiday fruitcakes. From October – December, 1.5 million are sold. One customer was turned away in 1979 – Ayatollah Khomeini following Iran hostage crisis
43:54 – Gary Glitter’s song "Rock & Roll Part 2" has been banned from NFL stadiums b/c Glitter is a peed
45:43 – Oxford Dictionary’s new words: aerobicised, hoodie, crunk, yogalates, etc.
31:50 – People wearing Crocs getting stuck on escalators and trampled
50:24 – Ohio doctor stripped of his license after treating patients by “traveling back in time and healing them before their injury occurs.”
54:06 – Sarah Evans (country artist who sang “Cheatin’”) dropped out of Dancing With the Stars because her husband was in fact cheating on her
20:07 – National Retail Federation releases list of top 10 best-selling lists for men and women. Girls are the usual, but the guys are crazy: #4 – Star Wars; #7 – Matrix; also “Pirate,” “Funny” and “Goth” themes, etc.
12:40 – Martin Cooper placed first mobile phone call in 1973 – helped invent it
24:26 – Footage surfaces of Army recruiters lying to potential recruits, saying they wouldn’t have to go to Iraq. One dude: I like sandwiches. I’m watching the news yesterday, some dude got shot and killed at a Subway. What’s the deal? You go there you get shot by Jared. Seth: "I like Happy Meals. I heard about some kid that got raped in the parking lot of a McDonald’s in Green Bay, Wisconsin. What’s up? You wanna get raped? I’d rather get shot than raped. Sign right here. And then let me put my cock in your mouth.”
19:43 – There are currently 12,000 Starbucks in the U.S. but they want 20,000 in a couple years. They’re opening 5 stores a day and their revenue was close to $8 billion for 2005 worldwide
7:58 – U2charist – Episcopalian churches across the country are kicking off Sunday masses with “Pride” and “In The Name Of Love”
11:33 – At the annual meeting of American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology in Philadelphia this week, they find that many women are allergic to their spouse’s semen. One solution is allergy shots with small doses of the male partner’s semen and the other is a technique called intravaginal seminal graded challenge (ISGC)
23:35 – Heidi Fleiss is opening a stud farm with first big stallion under contract, Mike Tyson
42:00 – People getting shot and nerds getting jumped outside of game stores for their PS3s
12:55 – Heidi Fleiss’s stud farm mentioned in Episode 039 turns out to be a farce
17:05 – Woman taken off Delta Airlines flight for breastfeeding
20:27 – Jones Soda crazy flavors: Broccoli Casserole, Corn on the Cob and Brussel Sprout, Fish Taco and Curry Chicken
23:05 – Maurice Graham aka “King of the Hobos” passes away; Seth delves into hobo vocabulary (sloptart = girl who will give you sexual pleasure in exchange for a weapon)
40:23 – American teens are texting while driving (TWD) and getting in fender benders. Hovering over these teens are “helicopter parents,” parents who “hover” over their children’s lives from Kindergarten through college
1:01:27 – University of Georgia has installed gender-neutral restrooms for transgendered students
6:19 – British magazine Q lists 20 best songs of last 20 years, and most of them are shitty
25:40 – Military reviewing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy
31:53 – Military using silly string in Iraq so it will land on trip wires when they’re going through doors
33:22 – E-mail turns 35 this week. 60 billion e-mails sent every day
35:00 – Man suing IBM for $5 million for wrongful termination. He was fired for surfing sex sites all the time. He says it was self medication for his post-traumatic stress disorder
36:31 – Utah Jazz’ new arena being renamed as Energy Solutions Arena, but people are upset because it’s a low-level nuclear waste company
37:52 – Boston Garden holds one-day auction for highest bidder to name the arena. Stockbroker in New York makes highest bid to name it the Derek Jeter Center, but they wouldn’t allow it and had another charity outbid him
48:13 – Actor Richard Belzer has played the character Det. John Munch on at least 7 different primetime TV shows
13:58 – Laughter yoga – builds lung capacity, relieves excess stress, has aerobic benefits. There are 60 certified laugh instructors just in the Los Angeles area alone. Jah has seen it from Jeremy Piven’s Journey of a Lifetime
15:11 – Day spas for infants is the new craze. Baby massage, baby yoga, baby sign language classes, body scrubs, facials, etc. They take the babies and roll them around in warm spaghetti
29:09 – During Super Bowl in ’04 they showed old commercials from ’84; Seth reflects on the first fax machine commercial
42:24 – “Armed and Famous” – celebrities sworn in as reserve police officers by Muncie, Indiana PD: Erik Estrada, Latoya Jackson, Jack Osborne, Wee Man and Trish Stratus
48:00 – Denny Welch (1,500 lbs.) inviting neighborhood kids over to watch gay porn
53:43 – The Laugh Factory fines comedians $20 now if they say the n-word on stage. Damon Wayans went up there with a handful of $20s and dropped 17 n-bombs in his routine
0:50 – Jack Kevorkian is going to be paroled and will be UYD’s first in-studio guest. They’re waiting on Brian Bosworth and Danger Mouse, but they’ll take Kevorkian in Episode 069 and be killed live on the show
2:25 and 8:17 – Consumer Affairs Top 10 scams of 2006: 7) gas pellets; 8) grandparents scam; 9) Oprah scam promising tickets to a taping; etc.
12:48 – On Jan. 1, NBA goes back to leather ball. Dan Shannon, the manager of campaigns for PETA, sent an open letter to the NBA. Claims that they will give a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any player who will support the microfiber ball.
22:09 – National Prison Rape Elimination Commission met this week and found out that people get raped in prison – about 1,000 each week for the last 20 years
41:58 – North Dakota still has laws against unmarried couples living together – registered as a sex offense
45:23 – Celiacs can’t enjoy beer because of the wheat and gluten they are susceptible to – 3 million Americans suffer from Celiac Disease
10:20 – P Diddy comes under fire for a jacket from his winter collection, advertised as imitation fur, but the Human Society purchased some of the jackets, ran tests and found out they come from a Chinese breed of dog that resembles a raccoon. Macy’s agrees to stop selling the coat, Diddy says “I dunno.”
24:49 – Mike Tyson was arrested in Arizona for driving into a police car and wiping white powder off the dash and having two huge bags of coke on him. He began crying and saying “I’m a cocaine addict.”
25:40 – A junior high school in Iowa City has banned hugging
30:38 – Flight rerouted from New York to Maine, they had to turn it back and land it because a male passenger handed a note to a stewardess written by God
41:31 – Response Options teaches us how to prevent school shootings – throw books and backpacks at the shooter
6:26 – On Nov. 7, 2006, at 4:30 p.m. at Chicago O’Hare Airport, up to 12 employees of United Airlines reported seeing a UFO
13:17 – Army sends letters to 75 dead soldiers asking them to return to active duty
39:02 – Tom Sizemore movie Zyzzyx Road – played at one theater in Dallas and grossed $30 over six days
41:08 – Bush administration officials have ordered the National Park Service to not give an official age for the Grand Canyon
54:24 – Man who saves guy in subway gets free subway rides for li— a year.
20:30 – AVN Best Film from Wicked Pictures: Fuck
39:17 – CVS starts to put condoms behind the counter
40:52 – Designer Babies and Deformer Babies
42:55 – Pillow angel – 4-foot-5 and 65 pounds at 9 years old. Doctors estimate she’ll be 5-6, 115-120 pounds as an adult, but the parents are giving her hormones that will keep her from getting any bigger so she will be easier to take care of
45:59 – Gang member with bullet stuck in head
49:58 – Pizza chain getting death threats because they are now accepting pesos. (Seth mispronounces Pizza Patrón)
52:12 – Oh Snap! story – college student sends professor disc filled with child pornography instead of final exam
0:44 and 6:11 – Promotion by two Sacramento DJs – “Hold your wee for a Wii.”
4:43 – Mitchell Hultz, 15, receives FBI medal at high school: “Git ’er Dun!!!”
10:16 – Harris poll polls a few thousand people across the country to count the top 10 TV personalities in the country: 1) Oprah, 2) Jon Stewart, 3) Bill O’Reilly, 4) House, 5) Letterman, 6) Leno, 7) Jack Bauer, 8) Ellen, 9) Conan O’Brien, 10) Ray Romano
15:08 – Feb. 17, 2009 is the last day of analog; July 7, 2007 will be the most popular wedding date ever
17:42 – L.A. trying to crack down on medical marijuana dispensaries (where Seth works). In less than a year the city has gone from four to 98. Undercover dude went in with a headache and the guy behind the counter tells him he needs some weed. Monday night at the Golden Globes, LAPD Chief of Police William Bratton and his wife were seated at the table with the cast of Weeds
19:45 – Representative from New Hampshire trying to pass a bill to legalize marijuana. The only problem is that his name is Charles Weed.
24:52 – Vivid Video the first to do a Blu-ray porn DVD
38:03 – Seth reveals that next week they will be talking about the Räelians, led by their leader, Räel. They claim to have a cloned baby. They use a couple really attractive women as their figureheads to draw people in.
40:29 – 29-year-old impersonating 12-year-old and boning 61-year-old dude, another dude joins the mix
9:50 – National Academy of Sciences Institute of Medicine conducted a study that finds that due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting, over 7,000 people are killed every year and 1.5 million are injured due to unclear abbreviations in dosage indications on prescription pads
19:14 – Brian Lang, public access show host guaranteed Superbowl ticket from Chris Harris, Harris holds out on him. “Nah, I was just playin’. I just play like that. I’m a playa. I play. Do you play dog??! Or do you lie??!”
54:34 – Tony Snow says “Play that funky music, white girl” to White House correspondent Martha Raddatz after her cell phone goes off to the ringtone “Ridin’” by Chamillionaire
57:22 – Transit chief for city of Los Angeles being interviewed by LA Times reporter who writes about cutting down on smog, etc., and the transit chief drives a Hummer
16:32 – Signs up in Beijing in preparation for the ’08 Olympics: THE SLIPPERY ARE VERY CRAFTY; SHOW MERCY TO THE SLENDER GRASS; DEFORMED MAN (over picture of handicapped toilet); fertility clinic features movie poster with Steve Martin and Cheaper by the Dozen; HOSPITAL FOR ANUS DISEASE; CUNT EXAMINATION with an arrow pointing toward the gynecological clinic; PLEASE ENJOY USE OF THIS FRESH AND COOL STICK THAT QUENCH THIRST WILL on a dude’s ice cream wrapper; HE REPAIRS COTTAGES AND ALSO PLANTS FLOWERS. HIS EAGERNESS TO DO GOOD MAKES HIM ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR on the Alien 2 DVD cover
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
42:33 – Former NBA player John Amaechi comes out and tells the world he is homosexual. Players from the Philadelphia 76ers are not down with it
58:46 – 23-year-old Scott Hines of Augusta, Md., is being sued by the Recording Industry of America for illegal downloads. They’re randomly targeting people to send a message to the everyman. And what did Scott download? “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “What Would You Say?” by Dave Matthews Band and “Don’t Know Why” by Nora Jones. Jah: “You could square one over right away: He can’t even be sued for Tracy Chapman because that literally was the only way he could actually get a copy of that song. I live in Los Angeles. If you sent me out in the world right now, I could meet you back here in 24 hours. I could scour the city and I could somehow not find that song.”
12:16 – The Whale Man is busted in New Jersey. He goes around to middle schools and assemblies and teaches the kids about whales. On his website he has a whale t-shirt, big glasses and a beret. Known all over New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New York. Neighbor calls NJ state troopers to tell them he’s got mad weed growing at his house – ends up having 192 pot plants. They tell him they need to bring him in for questioning. Whale Man says he has to get contact info off his computer, and state trooper sees a photo of a whale head and a kid’s prick and body – Whale Man tries to pour Tang on computer – dude had 400+ images of child porn on the computer. Quotes from teachers on Whale Man’s website: Whale Man, you truly know children and know how they enjoy you. … Whale Man, you certainly have a unique talent for kids. … Whale Man, I was impressed with your ability for making the children proud of their curiosity. Seth: “Ask, believe, receive, six months in prison.”
17:22 – “Pint for a Pint” – college students donating blood, then taking money and drinking and letting it get through the bloodstream faster and getting wasted
19:15 – To save energy, Congress has changed Daylight Savings from the first Sunday in April to the second Sunday in March. Seth calls it a “Mini Y2K” that could cripple the world for up to 6 seconds – which means nothing will happen, just like during Y2K, when Seth fled California for Abiquiu, N.M.
23:46 – Eddie Feigner passes away at 81 – started the original King and his Court 4-man softball team that Seth’s father took him to see when he was a boy. They played more than 11,000 games and won more than 10,000. His fast-pitch softball was one of the top 10 of all time according to ESPN. Fastest ball he threw clocked in at 104 mph
39:48 – Tours at zoos all about animal sex (“Jungle Love”- NYC, “Woo at the Zoo” – San Francisco)
46:13 – 380 California inmates have voluntarily moved to other for-profit prisons. 7,000 will be forcibly moved by the summer. Inmates scheduled for deportation are the first to go, most violent will be next and people with the fewest visitors are next. Inmate who moves to a Tennessee prison: “You get 79 channels here including ESPN in HD. Get here!”
51:21 – Guy bidding on Price Is Right Showcase Showdown: “250,000. … oh wait, I mean, $60,000”
4:09 – NAACP Image awards – Best male lead: Isaiah Washington
34:23 – Splash and grab in Massachusetts – douse a cashier’s face with hot coffee and take the register
35:17 – It’s quite fashionable in the UK for young girls to get pregs. Jah does a female British accent: Like all me mates would see me bump right, and then I’m like, I want one of them.
42:38 – Netflix ships its 1 billionth DVD – took 7 ½ years to do it (7 mos. less than it took McDonald’s to sell their billionth hamburger). It was a guy from Texas and he received a lifetime free subscription to Netflix. What was his movie? Jah guesses The Marine, but it was Babel.
47:44 – Kevin Russell of Gary, IN, arrested at Chase Bank for trying to cash a check signed by God
48:44 – UPS has an agreement with cities to get tickets and then write one big check at the end of the year – wrote a check for $18.7 million to New York City for 2006
49:30 – San Francisco proclaims Feb. 23 as “Colt Studio Day” – only Colt Studio turns out to be a gay porn production studio
52:18 – New steroid ring is exposed, found a book with the name Evan Fields in it with a phone number. Evander Holyfield answers the phone and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Seth: “Hey, when you answer the phone because there’s a number next to your name, you straight did it.”
5:35 – 30-year-old guy and a 54-year-old guy collided in the middle of a two-way road, both were shitfaced drunk and went to prison for DUIs
11:50 – Bausch & Lomb is still trying to blind people. Now they’re putting too much iron in their Multi Plus solution
12:49 – 41% of people over the age of 18 visiting Myspace are older than 35. Seth: “What are 35-year-olds doing on Myspace?” Jah: “Catching up.”
13:58 – River City Bagel & Bakery in Boise, Idaho, ran an add in the Boise Weekly – had three bagels stacked on top of each other with a stack of coffee, read OUR BAGELS ARE LIKE VAGINAS. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?
30:02 – Blues Traveler frontman John Popper is pulled over by a state trooper in Washington state … they found weed and a pipe on him, then searched the car to find numerous secret weapon compartments, in which contained 4 rifles, 9 handguns, an oversized switchblade, a taser gun, night-vision goggles, flashing emergency light sirens and a public address system
50:02 – Northwest Airlines baggage person tries to spoon girl on plane, then creams on her
2:21 – Guy is suing the FCC because he says Prince’s Super Bowl halftime performance left him with erectile dysfunction; another mother is upset because it might turn her son gay
3:12 – Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, is discovered to have faulty toilet piping that is connected to a storm drain instead of the sanitary sewer system. Since the park opened in 2001, a steady stream of shit has been going into the Menomonee River, which flows straight into Lake Michigan
4:33 – Ben Affleck is narrating a new sports DVD called “Red Sox Baby: Raising Tomorrow’s Boston Red Sox Fan Today.” It prepares infants to become Sox fans, and teaches counting, spelling, shape and color recognition. Seth: “I didn’t have that DVD, nor did anyone I know, and we didn’t have any problems getting indoctrinated into that Nation.”
31:05 – Registered sex offender in Sonora, Calif., arrested after a police officer who was sitting in his patrol car watched him drive around an elementary school several times and then sit and park there. Looks inside the van and the dude is wearing a full marching band uniform, and has children’s toys and a box marked CINDERELLA containing hardcore porn DVDs
31:52 – Lindsey Ashford, self-professed pedophile, has handicapped the 2008 presidential election based on the cuteness of the candidate’s daughters/granddaughters
35:02 – New Mexico signs legislation to outlaw cockfighting, leaving one state in the union where it is still legal: Louisiana
43:56 – National Association of Home Builders said that by 2015, 60% of all custom-built homes built in the U.S. will have a small twist – separate bedrooms for couples
46:56 – Morning Sentinel newspaper in Maine revealed the lottery winner this week, included a photo of the person with their name, address, telephone number and social security number in the newspaper
56:15 – Army recruiting top-notch paintball players
56:34 – Muslims in Twin Cities won’t handle pork, so supermarkets are going haywire b/c no pork will be handled whatsoever, even if it’s wrapped up
1:10 – Jerry Springer asks Miss Rhode Island: “If you could ban the use of anything in the world, what would it be?” Answer: “It would be probably using your cell phone while driving. I don’t know if it’s a problem here in Hollywood, but it’s a huge problem back home.” Miss Tennessee said she would be Will Smith if she could be any man.
2:31 – Ted Turner speaking at Bay Area conference about clean energy, relationship between Chinese and Americans: “The Chinese are very smart. I mean, have you ever met a dumb Chinaman?”
5:31 – Guy is suing Nickelodeon for $1.6 billion because he claims he created Spongebob Squarepants in 1991
8:06 – After 75 years, Hollywood has declared that there will no longer be a Hollywood Christmas Parade. The last image we have of the 75 years of the parade is Paul Wall and Brooke Hogan singing “Don’t Mean Nothin” in front of the Kodak Theatre.
25:15 – On March 28, Grand Canyon officially opens Grand Canyon Avenue, a glass-bottomed platform that goes 70 feet out over the western rim of the Grand Canyon – cost $40 million to build
27:49 – Joseph Brill pulled over for drunk driving in Albuquerque, N.M. They took him back to the station and realized he’d been suspended 27 times for DUIs
56:29 – Postal rates are going up on May 14, from 39 cents to 41 cents; and then 24 cents to 26 cents for a postcard. They have authorized you to buy Forever stamps, so you can use them no matter what a first-class rate changes to during your lifetime.
11:49 – Army recruiter Marcia Ramode’s e-mail to gay black man Corey Andrew: “…go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo wango and tango dance. Go prance around half-naked. That’s what you do.”
19:46 – Kentucky woman is suing Lil’ Wayne because she was injured at one of his concerts after he made it rain and she was trampled by the crowd. Suing for $150,000.
25:34 – Simpsons producers in talks to change some 7-11s to Qwik-E-Marts for the movie’s opening in late July
51:02 – NIT champion t-shirts: WEST VIRGINA
52:05 – 14-year-old Rhode Island kid dies in a car accident; friends hold a makeshift memorial service that night at the spot where he died, his best friend is the last to leave and plays the boy’s favorite song on the guitar when another dude comes around the corner, nails him and kills him in a hit-and-run
3:16 – Follow-up on “Hold your wee for a Wii” radio station promotion where the woman died – family had filed wrongful death lawsuit, but prosecutors said they would not file criminal charges against KDND 107.9
8:15 – Ian Ziering, on dancing with Cheryl Burke in Dancing with the Stars: “After this, people will remember me for my hit television show, Beverly Hills 90310
13:24 – 101-year-old man goes into DMV in Washington state, passes driving test and has valid license for five years. Gets in his 2001 Impala and people are running – his first car was his parents’ Model T
23:18 – Little league baseball in Ohio wants to ban infield chatter that is in any way negative to the other team. Seth heard a little boy look up to a reporter and ask, Can we still steal bases?
25:04 – 30-year-old woman in a mall in Washington state posing as a 17-year-old orphan boy named Mark. Sees 14-year-old girl, hits on her, girl’s Vietnamese immigrant parents allow the lovestruck girl to bring Mark into the house. Mark begins having serious, intimate detailed sexual activity with the girl but is also beating her. Cop finds 30-year-old’s car, runs tags and finds her with outstanding warrants. 14-year-old girl used to question Mark’s gender but every time she did, she got beat
59:05 – LG National Texting Championships
2:05 – Turner County HS in Ashburn, Ga. (pop. 4,000) holds first integrated prom
7:41 – 111th Boston Marathon is on Monday – Red Sox-Angels game is at 10 a.m. in conjunction with the marathon. Kenyans have won the race 14 out of the last 16 years
12:06 – America loves big boobs. Breast augmentation has increased 700% in the U.S. in the last 10 years. National Retail Federation reports that shop manikins will have to have enlarged breasts up to 40 DDs to be realistic
22:12 – Atlanta airport is having trouble with dudes blowing each other in the bathrooms
32:30 – Stevie Wonder paying $30,000 for a Grammy he won in 1974 for Best Album for Inner Visions. He never reported it stolen. Stevie is blind and also can’t smell.
34:08 – Archbishop of Chicago, Cardinal Frances George, was hospitalized on Easter with a hip fracture after slipping on some holy water
42:45 – Larry King is celebrating his 50th year on broadcasting and his 200th year on earth. He wants Ryan Seacrest to replace him.
52:34 – Sands Casino in Atlantic City that closed in 2006 was taking out machines and found $17,000 in coins underneath the machines, etc.
2:12 – Tim Gorman, writer for the Boston Globe, ran the Boston Marathon wearing a Derek Jeter jersey and a Yankees hat as a social experiment. He ran 26 miles in the rain with people bumping him, heckling him, starting “Yankees Suck!” chants, no one offering him water. Says it’s the last time he will do the social experiment
3:30 – Red Sox-Angels game was supposed to start at 10 a.m. on the morning of the Boston Marathon, but there was a 2-hour rain delay that allowed all the Massholes to get shitfaced. JD Drew hits a pop-up into the stands, Angels OF Garrett Anderson tries to make the play into the stands and beer goes all over the fans. A couple minutes later a disheveled dude wearing a Patriots jacket chunks a slice of pizza and hits the dude who missed the ball and got beer on him, yelling “How do you like that pizza?!”
49:00 – ABC game – kids try to tolerate the letters of the alphabet being scratched into their skin. Girl in Utah has a flesh-eating bacteria from playing this game
51:35 – First mention of the rainbow game
54:14 – Thieves are stealing Prius stickers to get the HOV benefits
1:42 – Seth follows up on Turner County HS integrated prom. Female student who couldn’t go: “My mommy and daddy don’t agree with being with the colored people.”
22:59 – Mike Penner – “Old Mike, New Christine”
30:04 – On June 3, more than 2,000 guitarists will gather at Community America Ballpark in Kansas City for the longest ensemble performance of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water.” Guiness will be on hand to see if it beats the 1993 record of 1,300 guitarists in Vancouver
34:30 and 35:01 – Follow-up on “The Rainbow Game,” a.k.a. “Taste the Rainbow” or “Secret Rainbow” (Rainbow cookie recipe makes Seth nearly vomit live)
40:52 – Toledo Mudhens outfielder Shin-Soo Choo was booed because his name was similar to the VT shooter, Seung-Hui Cho
52:41 – Things getting worse for Joe Francis – he’s now being sued by an 18-year-old for groping her at the Geisha House
44:30 – NJ Comcast carrier accidentally shows hardcore porn instead of kid show Handy Manny
56:23 – Don Larsen, Utah state GOP chairman defending his resolution to stop illegal immigration: “In order for Satan to establish his new world order and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the United States.”
2:24 – Republican hopeful Tom Tancredo, after being asked his favorite fitness activity: “Hunting.”
10:47 – Love God’s Way – gay bands and safe bands
18:14 – Softball player at a high school in Shreveport, La., shows police photos and videos on her cell phone that her coach had sent to her of his balls and him jerking off
27:10 – Michelle Duggar, 40 years old, and her husband Jim Bob, are about to have their 17th baby in Arkansas. She had her first child at age 21: Joshua, 19; John-David and Jana, 17; Jill, 15; Jessa, 14; Jinger, 13; Joseph, 12; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 8; Jason, 7; James, 5; Justin, 4; Jackson Levi, 2; Johannah Faith, 19 months; and at the end of July is Jennifer Daniel – God willing. … Jah: “They’re all gifts from gross.”
41:37 – Jah reads 16 funny police comments taken off car videos across the country
54:47 – Woman in Wisconsin calls 911 asking for a nanny. Apparently she was watching Nanny 911 and missed the point (Episode 001, 23:05).
13:26 – TV networks unveil new shows. ABC picks up Cavemen based off the Geico ads. Also, Seth announces that Mr. Larroquette will join the cast of Boston Legal.
20:55 – Rights to domain name porn.com sells this week for $9.5 million. In 1997 it sold for $47,000. Sex.com sold for $11 million, still holding the record. (UhhYeahDude.com sold for $43)
25:30 – Dearborn, MI cop takes weed off suspects, makes pot brownies with wife and loses his shit, calls 911: Cop: I think I’m having an overdose and so is my wife. Operator: OK, you and your wife. An overdose of what? Cop: Marijuana. I don’t know if it had something in it. Operator: How much did you have? Cop: I don’t know. We made brownies and I think we’re dead. Time is going by really, really, really slow. Operator: OK, well I’m on the phone with you. Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: What? Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: I’ve got no clue. I don’t watch the Red Wings. Cop: OK, I just want to make sure it isn’t some hallucination I’m having.
54:40 – Massachusetts guy sneaks into brother’s girlfriend’s bed and bones down – gets off scot-free
57:26 – High school track coach in Scottsdale, Arizona, tells 17-year-old female athlete to come over to his house to get an “athletic massage.” Except the oil he uses turns out to be his own semen
3:02 – Elijah Dukes: “Yo dog, you dead dog.”
34:50 – Miss Universe contestant from Jamaica is a Rastafarian, breaking the stereotype that Rastafarians are interested in only two things. Jah speaks “Emperor Haile Selassie I” in a crazy Rasta voice at 35:44
52:26 – Love God’s Way (Episode 064) was a hoax
55:27 – Barbie Cummings
13:04 – Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya got injured playing Guitar Hero during the postseason, lied about it and then came clean later
13:32 – Star high school pitcher’s friend Daniel Hicks makes him sign a contract on a napkin that he’ll get 1% of his signing bonus—gets $3,000. David Wright turned down a huge contract to get .5% share in the company Vitamin Water. Glaceau sells Vitamin Water to Coca-Cola for $4 billion and Wright earns $20 million. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of Vitamin Water, made $400 million.
18:07 – Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick speaking at Johns Hopkins commencement: “It takes a chicken and a pig to make a bacon-and-egg breakfast. In life you need to commit and be the pig.”
18:57 – Jamie Mesada of the Laugh Factory signs Jon Lovitz to a lifetime Wednesday night residency
40:02 – There’s been a recall on AMO Complete Moisture Plus. It contains a parasite that ultimately leaves you blind.
41:08 – Jones Soda Co. beats out Coke and Pepsi to serve soda at Seattle Seahawks football games at Qwest Field. In 2006 Jones Soda’s revenue was $39 million; combined Coke and Pepsi revenue in the same year was $57 billion
42:05 – Jack In The Box spoofs Carl’s Jr. Angus burger ads and Carl’s Jr. is suing them, saying: “while they may find it humorous, the oral and phonetic similarities with anus, but that is erroneous.”
1:01:25 – Jah explains that if you haven’t been able to sign up in the forums, it’s because the dude who’s the UYD website administrator is a “fuckin’ jackass.” He also says he has no means of doing anything on the website
11:58 – Dr. David Matlock of Los Angeles has a procedure called “The G Shot” for $1,850, which is collagen injected into the Gräfenberg spot – it swells to the size of a quarter and spells great sex for anyone who receives it
46:24 – TiVo posts its first profit…. Finally
57:24 – Only 6 states in the union allow conjugal visits, but California is the first to allow overnight visits by gay and lesbian partners. Seth: “Isn’t that prison? Don’t you get a conjugal gay visit every day? Isn’t that breakfast?”
59:01 – The world’s smallest basketball team – The Tiny Trotters: “You don’t have to be tall to play ball.” They’re all under 4-foot-6 and their names are as follows: Turbo, Dynamite, Lil’ Lolo and Fo-Fo
2:17 – Elijah Dukes revisited
5:12 – Prom at Riverdale Christian Academy – theme is Southern Plantation During the Civil War
21:06 – Woman arrested at Iowa County Courthouse caught stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a storage closet. Name? Susanne Butts
21:18 – Police and state tax force raid strip club in Pasadena and charge a dozen strippers with excessive nudity
21:32 – Warren Lewis, a barber in N. Memphis, has been cutting brothas’ hair with fire since 1965. Shop caught on fire and sustained $25,000 worth of damage b/c of the air conditioner repairman installing an updated system
42:58 – Oilman Gary Milby went missing and had several investors looking for him; he’s found on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 standing in a Kentucky oilfield. His daughter Ariel is screaming “I love oil! Oil means shoes and cars and purses!”
44:15 – Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek (Tek 9) isn’t a big fan of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s tabby sock (Japanese sock where you put the foot in the sock and there’s a little container for each toe)
14:22 – Elijah Dukes again
17:19 – Following shooting in Wisconsin, neighbors were interviewed and said they shrugged it off as Fourth of July fireworks – except it happened in early June. Seth: “Pop! Pop! Pop! Oh-ho-ho! You kids! Getting a start on things, right? These neighborhood kids!”
21:02 – Seroquel might help your bipolar disorder, but you’ll basically die if you take it. Here are the side effects listed in the magazine ad in 6-pt type: WARNINGS: INCREASED MORTALITY IN ELDERLY PATIENTS WITH DYMENTIA-RELATED PSYCHOSIS. PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY CAREFULLY AND THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR: PELVIC PAIN, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, CHILLS, FACE ADEMA, GUM HEMORRHAGE, IRREGULAR PULSE, RECTAL HEMORRHAGE, TONGUE ADEMA, AMNESIA, HALLUCINATIONS, HYPERKINESIA, MONONUCLEOSIS, ABNORMAL GAIT, PARANOID REACTION, URINARY RETENTION, INCOORDINATION, LIBIDO INCREASE, LIBIDO DECREASE, STOMATITIS, HEMORROIDS, GOUT, ACNE, ECZEMA, VAGINAL HEMMORRHAGE, FEMALE LACTATION, KIDNEY FAILURE, EYE PAIN, BONE PAIN, VULVA VAGINITIS, TASTE PERVERSION. Jah: “It’s fine, it’s fine. Just take it.”
24:38 – Hostess is bringing back the banana filling in Twinkies
34:33 – Sports Illustrated Players section interviews Venus Williams, asks her about her perfect day. She said at night she would go to a concert because her favorite band is 311.
41:06 – Sir Isaac Newton in 1704 studied the book of Daniel in the Bible and concluded that the world would end in 2060
41:29 – Most popular baby names of 2000-2006. 14 million boys and 14 million girls have been born this millennium. Boys – 1) Jacob, 2) Michael. Girls – 1) Emily, 2) Madison. #986 for boys – Glen. #997 – Kanye. #980 for girls – Unique. #989 – Baby. #77 for boys – Seth. #175 – Jonathan.
2:42 – New term sockpuppetry, where cyber vandals become rogue Wikipedians and submit information under fake names
4:01 – Chris Benoit’s death was posted on Wikipedia before the cops even knew about it
6:35 – Larry King to Paris Hilton: “What hotel chain is your family associated with?”
8:30 – Rogue lesbian gangs are terrorizing the nation. Seth: “In a normal gang you are beaten in; a GTO you are eaten in.”
8:54 – The Bald Eagle is off the endangered species list
19:55 – During BET Awards 2007, host Monique dedicates show to “my sistas on the lockdown, cuz we all just one decision away.”
22:51 – Louisiana last state to ban cockfighting, vote is 97 to 1.
26:45 – Film critic Andy Jones has heart attack and dies in Arclight watching “A Mighty Heart.” … Seth: “How’s that for a review? … Your movie’s so boring, I died.” (28:45)
32:21 – Dude in Long Beach plays poker with buddies, gets shadrached, gets behind the wheel of his GMC Sierra pickup in downtown and starts slamming into 25 parked cars and 2 pedestrians while people are running: “I was just trying to find a place to park.”
42:31 – Some Rasta gets his head shaved in jail and he’s suing because it took 13 years for him to grow out some super dope dreds
50:31 – Padres fan makes it rain at Petco Park
7:39 – On July 8, 1947, the Roswell Daily Record ran this headline: RAAF CAPTURES FLYING SAUCER ON RANCH IN ROSWELL REGION. Town is celebrating 60th anniversary of the UFO crash July 5-8, featuring musical guests Alan Parsons and War, as well as appearances by Dean Haglund and seminars and lectures by authors, researchers, etc. More than 50,000 enthusiasts expected to show up. Apparently some of the instruments found in the ship were used to create the microwave oven
10:11 – On July 1, a bunch of new laws go into effect in Tennessee: ban on all motorcycle wheelies; illegal to have sex with an animal; age to buy fireworks goes from 10 to 16; if you show ass, cock or balls in prison, it’s considered indecent exposure; $200 fine if you knowingly leave a child under 7 in a car with no adult supervision; juveniles can lose their licenses by threatening to use any destructive device on campus
12:09 – Two teens were on Kenny G’s property in Malibu and begin throwing things down at a family on the beach. A 9-year-old girl got hit on the head with a Powerbar and had to get stitches. Kenny G’s wife went to the hospital and said she would pay for it. People said they saw signs that said MLO (Malibu Locals Only). Jah says there’s also PLB (Palisades Local Boys), TML (Topango Mas Locos)
14:52 – 7-7-07 – There are 30,000 weddings scheduled for this day (more than twice the normal summer amount) and other people are trying to have their babies on this day. Also, says Jah, Tupac Shakur is coming back. He’s Makaveli, the reincarnation of Niccoló Machiavelli – who faked his death to fool his enemies. This is why he’s coming back on 7-7-07: His badge, gang-related 115, is 1 + 1 + 5 = 7; twelve shots were fired at him and 5 hit him: 12 – 5 = 7; he was shot on the 7th of September and survived the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th, dying on Friday the 13th; he died at 4:03: 4 + 0 + 3 = 7; he was 25 years old when he died: 2 + 5 = 7. Jah thinks he’s coming back too.
27:46 – Gap Kids advertises a crocheted trim triangle bikini for young girls on its website
29:06 – WARNING: Chicago-area ice cream truck drivers. Police put a driver under surveillance b/c he was on probation for selling child pornography and was not supposed to be selling popsicles to kids; another driver exposed his prick to a 3-year-old and also happens to be a substitute teacher, on the Board of Education and an ordained minister
48:53 – Signs up in bus stops in LA: USING METH, ABUSING METH. Seth: “I think if you’re using meth, you’re abusing meth.” Montana Meth Project has crazy PSAs on YouTube.
2:11 – New Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary will include new words in the fall: ginormous, DVR, IED, Bollywood, Sudoku, krunk, tellanova, smackdown
6:51 – Minnesota has passed a law effective in 2008 – All American flags sold must be made within the U.S.A.
10:11 – Coca-Cola releases new can that resembles the “New Coke” can
15:20 – Repeat of America’s Funniest Home Videos drew bigger share than Live Earth.
15:35 – James Hetfield detained in the Luton Airport (close to London, England) for his “Taliban-like” beard. (Jah: “I’m in a band. Which one? Metalliban.”
31:04 – Prince’s new fragrance, 31 21 – more sensual than his old scent. Several other celebs have their own scents – Alan Cumming (Cumming), Antonio Banderas (Spirit), Calum Best (Calum), Carlos Santana (Carlos Santana) Seth: “That is the mixture of carne asada, marijuana and sweat.”, David Beckham (Instinct), Donald Trump (The Fragrance), Derek Jeter (Driven), Michael Jordan (Jordan)
44:25 – Since January, a monthly 3-hour tour run by Beauty Turner on Chicago’s south side called the “Ghetto Bus Tour” takes visitors through run-down slums and gives you stories about a South side that doesn’t exist anymore
8:15 – There are over 500,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. Currently, in Arizona and Colorado, a service called Child Help Alert will call you if a peed moves in your neighborhood. It costs less than $20 a year. Jah says not to go to the Megan’s Law website to look up your neighborhood. Seth: “My neighborhood lights up…. It is out of control.”
20:13 – Rednecks going into Wal-Marts and swiping price tags off picture frames and putting them on plasma TVs
38:57 – Vermont is the only state in the U.S. that does not have an IHOP
25:27 – Myspace pulled 29,000 registered sex offenders off its pages
39:33 – Guitar Hero III has included a bonus track by the most consistently requested band and song – Dragonforce’s “Through The Fire And Flames”
41:11 – All-Pro Football 2K8 features O.J. Simpson on a team called “The Assassins”
25:34 – Two companies have recalled products – Baby Bling Things and PeaNapod Bling. They both sold about 1,000 baby pacifiers that were ornamented with Swarovski crystals. The crystals can be detached and possibly inhaled or swallowed.
39:03 – Falcons website, medium pet set for $30 – Seth: “Yeah, you didn’t take that one down, did ya?”
53:29 – 23 people have killed themselves by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge this year. The very first suicide ever took place on August 7, 1937. Seth gives Jah the option between killing himself off the bridge or watching LA Ink on his birthday, and Jah opts to drive to San Francisco for the day.
22:00 – An overview of Cuba Gooding Jr’s career since winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry McGuire in mid-90s. The only movies Seth had seen were Boat Trip and Radio.
37:15 – Follow-up on All-Pro Football 2K8 – OJ Simpson’s team “The Assassins” has a mascot that is a hooded figure that makes a stabbing motion with a knife when they score
54:41 – Helmet boxing – dangerous new kids’ fight game
54:57 – Fire In the Hole – kids get biggest drink in drive through, whip it in drive-thru person’s face
24:33 – Seth reads from a section in the Los Angeles Times that features celebrity home listings: Celebrity hand model Rick Wagner has listed his 1927 Normandy style home in Los Feliz at $1.78 million. His neighbors include Mandy Moore, Vince Vaughn, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie. Wagner has been the on-camera hands for John Travolta, Dennis Quaid, Sting, Ryan Seacrest, Tim Allen and Jeff Goldblum, to name a few. Wagner says, “People recognize my hands before they recognize the rest of me.”
41:09 – Girls Gone Mild, a new modesty movement. Not bad or semi-clad. Jah: “You better fucking get with it.” Seth: “I ain’t gonna recognize that.” Jah: “You’d better respecognize that.” Seth: “I ain’t going to respecognize shit because we’re going to dress my daughter the way she wants to dress.”
9:41 – Seth dials up (915) 590-0115 to talk to Mindy at Hiney’s in El Paso to gather more info on this story: Man stabbed at Hiney’s, stumbles out, walked 4 ½ miles and collapses and dies at a Hooters
31:50 – Miss NC at Miss Teen USA, answering what the biggest risk she took in her life was: “…when I went to Canada and went snowboarding. It’s not like the mountains of North Carolina at all; it’s hard work. It was definitely a big risk for me. That was very hard, definitely… a risk.” Miss South Carolina, when asked why one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because …. uhh, some … people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and… uhh, I believe that our education, like, such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and… Our education in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
41:39 – After 13 years and 200 computers working on the problem—including a break from 1996-2001 because the most powerful computers at the time weren’t up to the task—researchers have solved the game of checkers. The result – a perfect game cannot be won or lost, but will inevitably end in a draw. Even the most skilled player can’t execute a cunning move designed to win; he can only avoid making a mistake that leads to a loss. Computers examined more than 500 billion different possible board combinations
19:58 – 21st Burning Man concludes in Nevada – dude hanging from noose in two-story tent, everyone thinks it’s avant garde art.
28:47 – Umbilicoplasty is a new cosmetic procedure that turns an outie into an innie. Jah: “What if you have an innie and you want an outie?” Seth: “You don’t… because why… would you want to puke?” Jah laughs hysterically
30:34 – Butt facials – range between $800-1,000, depending on the size of the butt. Created to tighten, lift, tone, cleanse and detox. Microderm abrasion procedure that focuses on cellulite, acne, wrinkles and veins for a perfect ass
42:31 – School district police officer in Houston produces “Ghetto Handbook” pamphlet
11:25 – Woman glues high-heeled shoes to man’s feet
22:48 – Pitzer College in Claremont, Calif. – new class called “Learning From You Tube”
32:57 – Dude volunteers to help at Denver animal shelter, then gets caught boning a dog
33:50 – Family brings 3-year-old into Indianapolis children’s health clinic to get a blood test, and the female lab technician bites the kid’s shoulder. Jah thinks biting the kid’s back is weirder than the other dude 69ing a German Shepherd: “Dogs don’t talk, dude.”
40:32 – Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee: “I’m pretty sure there’ll be duck hunting in Heaven, and I can’t wait.”
51:05 – We are on the cusp of having the first Playmate born in the 1990s
56:04 – Southwest Airlines boots another scantily-clad woman off a flight
7:52 – Beef recall – woman being interviewed inside of a grocery mart, got flustered: “It makes me feel very scared… I mean, really – I don’t know what to eat. What do I eat?”
8:48 – Barack Obama on the Tyra Banks show. Tyra: “Let’s talk Barak n’ Roll. Who’s on your iPod?” Obama: “Jay-Z …. Miles Davis.”
22:20 – Kimberly Bell, Barry Bonds’ former mistress: “I always figured he had PMS, you know like a woman. It went from ‘I want to know where you’re at’ to ‘I’m going to fucking kill you, cut your head off and leave you in a ditch.’”
23:08 – A new birth control pill is out called Yaz. Seth likes a baseball player named Yaz (former Red Sox slugger Carl Yazstremski) and Jah says there was a band in the ‘80s called Yaz.
25:38 – Mother battling Delta Airlines for unfair treatment. Was planning on taking 1-year-old conjoined twins who share a heart on a flight. She bought a seat for herself and one for her girls – Delta demands she buy three seats because they have two mouths for the oxygen masks.
33:45 – Jonathan revisits Yoplait ad campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (originally mentioned in Episode 003)
55:04 – Colorado couple enjoying Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and find a condom in it … Campbell’s offers them a coupon
5:32 – In Maryland, officials have requested that all registered sex offenders in neighborhoods post NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE sign on their front doors
16:21 – Razor scooters has recalled 20,000 of E-300 electric scooters because the handles can break off – Jah jacked up his tooth on a Razor
17:33 – New law in California just passed – in order to up the 72-hour time period after a baby is born, you have 7 days to give the baby away to a fire station or police station
20:28 – City officials in New Jersey want to establish a register for the 100-plus gumball machines in the town because some of them are unlicensed and they believe terrorists could use them to strike
22:16 – Man in New Jersey fills out a withdrawal slip and hands to teller. Someone had written on the back of the slip THIS IS A STICK-UP. Teller activated the alarm and stalled the man; the man then walked outside to a full arsenal of local and state troopers in the parking lot
22:53 – City of Baltimore goes a full seven days without a homicide
23:32 – Southwest Airlines wouldn’t let a man on the plane who was wearing a shirt that read MASTER BAITER.
16:49 – High school pep rally pits seniors versus the juniors in various games and events – a tug-of-war battle causes two junior boys to sever their hands on the rope
19:20 – 80,000 cans of silly string are on their way to American soldiers in Iraq
24:46 – Madden Curse update – Titans QB Vince Young out with a quadriceps injury
35:36 – GMA shows video of a woman completely asleep at the wheel of a van just cruising down the highway. They follow her for 30 miles
39:56 – Cats need taurine or they die
2:37 – Jah does his Jim Carrey “Smmokin!!”
3:00 – In the fourth inning of Game 2 of the World Series, Red Sox rookie Jacoby Ellsbury won America a free taco with his stolen base
6:46 – Maxim’ unsexiest women list: features Britney Spears, Madonna, Sandra Oh, Amy Winehouse, Sarah Jessica Parker
8:50 – More than one-quarter of the pregnant women in West Virginia smoked last year
9:51 – UMass offering a new class, History 297D – “How Does the Song Go: The Grateful Dead As A Window Into American Culture”
14:44 – Pepsi delivery man and Coke delivery man get into fistfight on loading dock of Pennsylvania Wal-Mart – Pepsi wins
17:44 – Durex condoms is taking applications for condom testers – received over 4,000 applicants
52:56 – Rudy Giuliani’s best friend is a defrocked priest who’s molested kids and can’t be a priest. Giuliani defends him and says he didn’t do it. During his trial, his defense attorney went to one of the high schools where he was going nuts and interviewed four kids he didn’t molest. Seth: “If you were defending a murderer, could you grab four people out of Starbucks and be like, ‘Did you ever get murdered by my dude?’ and they’d be like ‘No.’ And be like, These four people were not murdered by my client, what’s up now? You lookin’ at these four people? They weren’t murdered by him, so how could he murder him?”
56:35 – Couple in Spokane, WA, going through a divorce – husband plans an elaborate front lawn Halloween extravaganza, asks the wife to come in and get on the ladder and test out the noose. Husband turns the radio up, shuts the garage door and kicks the ladder out from underneath her. Wife manages to slip out and run to neighbors’.
12:55 – Domino’s has managed to come up with another pizza: the Crispy Melt Pizza – melted cheese and a topping between two crusts
18:20 – Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew: “Kobe is gay. Anyone who seen him out at the club know it. Kobe is gay.”
25:57 – Jordan’s Furniture in Avon, Mass. – promotion that ran from March 7 – April 16 “Jordan’s Monster Deal” – any furniture would be free, credit cards refunded, if the Red Sox won the 2007 World Series. 30,000 families purchased furniture during this time period, and more than $20 million in furniture was given away. Jordan’s issued a statement saying they were happy the Sox won and the insurance company was the big loser here. One man furnished his whole house with more than $40,000 in furniture
28:28 – John McCain speaking to supporters at New Hampshire Smith & Wesson factory on Oct. 22: “I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell, and I will shoot him with your products.”
58:36 – Number 1 holiday wish ahead of peace and happiness: A computer
4:41 – Ben Curtis, former Dell dude, who was busted in February 2003 for trying to buy weed killed his contract with Dell. He’s now working at a restaurant in Manhattan called Tortilla Flats. He went as the Dell Dude on Halloween
6:13 – John Coleman, founder of The Weather Channel: “Global warming is the greatest scam in history.”
22:07 – Larry King to Seinfeld: “So, Seinfeld, it was your choice or they canceled you?”
24:58 – Police sheriff in N. Dakota scheduled a fake meet-and-greet with Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie while they were in town on tour for a show. Letters were sent to deadbeat dads all over the area to come by for an open bar and private party. 40 deadbeat dads were arrested at the scene. Ozzy was pissed: “It’s insulting to me and to my audience and it shows how lazy this particular sheriff is when it comes to doing his job.”
26:40 – Urbana Ill. teacher arrested for making second-grade students play “tasting game” in his after-school class
37:23 – Chinese kid toy Aqua Dots recalled because, when ingested, they have the same chemical reaction as GHB
43:10 – Harvard University offering a new course in which 900-plus students have enrolled: Happiness: Learning How to Live a Fulfilling and Flourishing Life in Positive Psychology
50:23 – In Hebron, Conn., a 35-year-old man was arrested after several 911 calls demanding that they bring him beer
2:28 – In China, they found hairbands for women in salons – 3 cents for 10 – made with used condoms
13:58 – Jones Soda celebrating the holiday season with Christmas (egg nog, sugarplum, Christmas tree and Christmas ham) and Hannukah (applesauce, jelly donut, latkes and chocolate coins) flavors
16:08 – USA sets a new record – more than 1 million cases of Chlamydia in 2005 (Seth claps for the clap)
16:42 – Pentagon approves the sale of Playboy magazine on military bases. Seth claims there’s only two ways he’ll cancel his subscription – 1) When Hef leaves this earth or 2) When they have a playmate born in the ’90s
30:12 – People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive – the Doctor, Matt Damon. 1986 Sexiest Man Alive – Mark Harmon. 1987 – Harry Hamlin. 1991 – Patrick Swayze. 1992 – Nick Nolte.
34:51 – 50% of NYU students would permanently give up their right to vote for $1 million
35:57 – Mother is suing St. Louis Cardinals for displaying a message falsely accusing her daughter having an STD on the ballpark scoreboard. Message had girl’s name, followed by … HAS AN STD …. EWWWW. Girl is suing team for $25,000
36:49 – Angelino Hotel in L.A. offers the Brad and Angelino hotel package – prices start at $350, include a DVD selection of feature films starring Pitt and Jolie, a guestroom stocked with current issues of celebrity magazines, a map to the stars’ home, a late-night dinner, drinks at the lounge for 2 and a hangover kit – aspirin, bottled water, sunglasses and under-eye concealer. If available, the hotel’s Escalade will provide transportation
51:34 – Company called introfee, where personal introductions pay – they have put out a birth video bounty, looking for clear footage of a live birth and willing to pay $1,000 for the rights to use it in the 30-second Superbowl XLII ad – must show clear baby emergence, umbilical cord being severed including sound
56:49 – Marc Zuckerburg, the guy who started Facebook, is 23 years old and has a 20% stake worth $3 billion
3:52 – Alan Thicke’s ringtones for Diff'rent Strokes and Facts of Life theme songs are being sold for $2.99 – Thicke makes $.11 per purchase
9:57 – It costs $1.67 to make a penny
17:55 – Drew Carey: “I can’t go without the internet even for a day. When my fiancé and I are in different cities, we go on dates in Second Life. It’s a website that’s like a virtual world. We could just talk on the phone, but we meet online instead. It’s fun.”
26:05 – Fan grabbing player’s full package on Lambeau Leap – picture caught in paper
26:55 – Mercury Morris, member of undefeated ’72 Dolphins, while golfing in Miami, comments on the Patriots’ undefeated run: “They got more icebergs to go. They’re going through on this Titanic trip that they’re talking about. So far nobody’s made it across there except us. So we’re over here, we’re docked. We’re waiting here for ya. Right now they haven’t done this. Don’t call me when you’re in my town. Call me when you’re on my block. And when I see you next door, when you’re moving in your furniture, that’s when I know you’re going to play for the championship. And if you win, I’ll be dressed in a tuxedo and I’ll be waiting with my bride.”
28:10 – Halftime of NY Jets home games at Gate D is an unabashed show-us-your-tits Mardi Gras party – Sunday was a free-for-all with security not doing anything
30:06 – Boston University students drinking beer during course … at Duke University, a UYD caller took “The First 10 Years of Funk” but couldn’t get into “The Epitome of Cool.”
32:07 – Carny worker at a fair in Maryland called a number written inside of a port-a-potty five times, leaving a message saying he wanted some carny knowledge. Was a voicemail of a cell phone of a 15-year-old girl, and now he faces up to 15 years in jail for soliciting sex of a minor
34:49 – 37-year-old sex offender on trial in Sheboygan WI for sex with underage girls. His name? Pheuk Kue.
44:17 – A retreat will be held later in the year on Orcas Island in the Puget Sound for a technology fast – no internet, no e-mails, no cell phones, no texting. Counselors work to break these terrible addictions
46:24 – Video released of a former firefighter who had been in a coma for 10 years when he woke up and was reaching for his little boy but the dude was fully grown. Seth thinks you couldn’t be out for more than 2 ½ days without having an utter breakdown freakout
11:50 – Dane Cook was asked, “You’ve been getting a lot of acting work lately. How does that compare with stand-up.” Dane: “It works a different muscle.”
17:45 – New college classes: Beginning in January 2008, University of Hawaii introduces “Basics of Home Brewing” – detailing brewing hand-crafted ales in the comfort of your own home
21:11 – In Birmingham, Ala., it is illegal to sell any type of a sex toy. In Oxford, Miss., you can only get cold beer in bars and restaurants
28:13 – Graffiti on church in Los Gatos, Calif.: ALL HAIL SAITAN
31:25 – Driving instructor from Borat is suing producers of the movie for his unfavorable depiction
33:16 – Spirit Airlines causes controversy with new Fort Lauderdale to Bahamas cut prices – fare promotion is called Many Islands, Low Fares (MILF)
49:49 – 28-year-old grandmother in Illinois
4:00 – David Blaine is in training because in May ’08 he is going to attempt a new world record – staying awake for 12 straight days sans chemicals.
5:52 – Cornell University study concludes that more college students take courses that are considered to be easier or will be easier to get a very good grade in
7:03 – Last week it was the MILF special at Spirit Airlines, now it’s Seattle’s new Metro line, SLUT – South Lake Union Trolley, $52 million 1.3-mile public transportation line. Jah: “Ride that SLUT.”
14:38 – Houston driver leads cops on a 25-mile chase through city, pulled over, says “Yeah, my parking brake was stuck.”
15:08 – About 10,000 people every year treated in emergency rooms in month of December for injuries due to holiday decorating: burns, falls, shocks and cuts
24:48 – Criminals Gone Wild – features 100% real never before seen footage of criminals as they go on brutal rampages on U.S. streets. Watch as unsuspecting victims get beat, robbed, jacked and shot. Osama Bin Laden has nothing on these guys.
36:36 – 2007 Merriam Webster’s word of the year: woot or w00t – word used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness or triumph over an opponent
40:49 – Chyler Leigh – did movie called Kickboxing Academy in the 1997 and made out with her own brother, Christopher Khayman Leigh, three times in the movie
50:01 – Seth updates us on Pheuk Kue from Cheboygan WI (Episode 093). Seth tries to trick Jah with this story: Guy has child with woman, not together, daughter never meets father. Turns 18, mother and daughter say it’s time to meet biological father because you’re an adult now. Jah cuts him off: “There’s no way you do that.” Biological father tried to climb into bed the first night she was there and get up on that
53:48 – 61-year-old paramedic in Portland goes to scene of accident, puts woman in ambulance, rushes to local hospital – but not before he tries to bone down with the woman in the back of the ambulance
9:18 – Recap of 2006 People’s Choice Awards. Favorite Female Action Star: Halle Berry. Funniest Male Movie Star: Robin Williams. Favorite Rock Group: Nickelback
17:37 – Surgeon at a hospital in Arizona is being disciplined for using his cell phone to take a picture of a dude’s prick while the dude was in for gall bladder surgery. Dude runs a topless bar in Phoenix and has the words HOT ROD tattooed on his cock after losing a bet. … Lane Jansen had a tattoo on his calf of a pin-up girl and gave her breast implants with mini silicon sacks placed where her boobs would be.
27:00 – Saturday is World Orgasm Day
46:35 – Chick at Memphis Grizzlies game flashes her tits during the “Dance Cam”
54:08 – 22-year-old wants to meet his birth mother and finds out she works at Lowe’s with him
7:40 – Panther fans started a website ruinromo.com, where you print out faces of Jessica Simpson, put them on sticks and distract him during the game. Jessica Simpson dubbed as “Yoko Romo.” Had a movie released last weekend called Blonde Ambition – made $1,322 this weekend – still more than Zyzzyx Road starring Tom Sizemore
17:21 – New law takes effect Jan. 1 in Texas – the pole tax – additional $5 fee for customers at strip clubs, proceeds go to rape victims
30:23 – NY Islanders player Miroslav Satan has 666 career points
30:50 – Panasonic will unveil a 150-inch plasma HDTV at the upcoming Consumer Electronics show (Sharp currently has largest at 108 inches)
46:37 – 29-year-old from Washington successfully “swats” someone for the 4th time … somehow he hacks into the phone system and acts like he’s calling the cops from other people’s residences screaming that someone has been murdered and they need to get there ASAP. Most recently a couple and their baby were awakened in the middle of the night and handcuffed for it. They call it “SWATting” because you get points for getting SWAT teams to show up, extra points for door being knocked down and people being cuffed
24:23 – During first half of Lakers-Celtics game, Lakers wear throwback short shorts from the 1980s. Derek Fisher wears nothing under them
26:38 – The McRib is back. Seth had 2 today and they were delicious. It’s on it’s third farewell tour.
30:21 – Store for tweens in Garland, TX was offering a free trip and tickets to see Hannah Montana. Over 1,000 girls submitted a short essay. The winner was a 6-year-old girl with the following quote from her essay: “My daddy died this year in Iraq. I’m going to give mommy the angel pendant daddy put on mommy when she was having me. I love mommy.” At the ceremony at the store, when a news reporter who couldn’t find husband’s military records confronted her, woman flipped out and said, “I don’t want to be on camera. Get away. We never said anything like this was a true story. Never. It’s just an essay. We do essays all the time.”
31:50 – Atari shares drop to an all-time low. Seth: “Really? Atari’s shares are dropping? They’re still alive? That’s still a thing? Atari’s still a business? You could go to a building and be like DING DONG!”
32:44 – The 25th annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards will take place at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas on Saturday, Jan. 12.
39:54 – History teacher in Bakersfield, California arrested for offering to two of his female students to trace his cock and balls with a pencil on a piece of paper and give it to them. Charge is annoying a child.
2:30 – District representative from northern California – Mondale Ferraro
5:39 – McDonald’s launching coffee bars with baristas in nearly all their 14,000 locations
9:19 – Democratic presidential hopeful Mike Gravel speaking to a group of high school students in New Hampshire: “Alcohol is a heck of a lot worse than marijuana, and I’m sure a lot of you have tripped out on alcohol. Well it’s a lot safer to do it on marijuana. Marijuana is not addictive and you should be able to buy it in package stores.”
10:59 – Convicted kidnapper and child molester at a federal penitentiary in California dies after choking on a hot dog
17:44 – Joaquin Phoenix spells his own name wrong backstage at the People’s Choice Awards when he wrote his thank-you speech on placards: HI, I’M JOAQIN.
19:01 – Guess who wins “Funniest Male Actor” for the second year in a row? Robin Williams for License to Wed
22:29 – New drunk driving champion: Oregon woman Terri Comer beats previous high of .69 last month with .72 BAC – found passed out in her car by a snowbank near a Don’t Drink & Drive highway sign
24:39 – 21-year-old Brian Hathaway report: in April of 2005 he was arrested after killing a horse and trying to fuck the horse on a woman’s property, went to jail, got out, just got re-arrested when people found him in the woods trying to bone down on a dead deer
30:05 – Onslaught of Wii-related injuries are plaguing America. Refer to www.wiihaveaproblem.com for more details
36:33 – Top baby names of 2007 – Cayden (any spelling) came up several times according to Seth; Top boys: 1. Jacob, 2. Michael, 3. Joshua, 4. Ethan, 5. Matthew, 6. Daniel, 7. Christopher 8. Andrew, 9. Anthony, 10. William ….. (22. Jonathan, 74. Jesus, 103. Seth, 210. Ty). Top girls: 1. Emily, 2. Emma, 3. Madison, 4. Isabella, 5. Eva, 6. Abigail, 7. Olivia, 8. Hannah, 9. Sophia, 10. Samantha … (37. Destiny, 43. Nevaeh, 237. Brooklyn, 316. Diamond, 440. Mercedes, 458. America, 555. Precious, 711. Akeelah, 852. Karma, 959. Alizae)
17:20 – PETA officials send a letter to prison officials in Tyler, Texas, requesting that a man recently to prison for killing and eating his girlfriend be placed on a strict vegetarian diet. Sheriff’s reply: “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”
18:21 – Soulja Boy gets a young woman pregnant, then stops returning her calls and texts ever since she tells him that she’s pregnant
26:28 – Oaksterdam University – Oakland U – but so much weed going on that they call it Oaksterdam. Enrollment just ended this week for new school year. New course teaches students the history, theory, criticism and politics of cannibis. Also how to cultivate, market and distribute legal issues are covered. Students encouraged to work at dispensaries or even open up their own. The newest course in “higher” education
3:19 – Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee speaking in South Carolina: “If you think you’re going to engage the U.S. military, be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of hell, for that’s exactly what you’ll see.”
3:53 – John McCain: “I’m not interested in trading with Al Qaeda. All they want to trade is burkhas. I don’t want to travel with them. They like one-way tickets.”
5:41 – Seth gives us some more Andy Rooney: Of all the inventions of man, I’d be lost without elastic bands and umbrellas. Designers won’t let us alone. No one needs a clever umbrella. Personally I prefer a simple black umbrella. We don’t throw away broken umbrellas for some reason, we use them.
9:02 – The Astrological Magazine website has a message on the front page: WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, THE PUBLICATION OF THE ASTROLOGICAL MAGAZINE WILL CEASE WITH THE DECEMBER 07 ISSUE. Seth: “And your lucky number’s 8.”
14:07 – Baby name remorse – parents second-guess names they’ve given their children because either they were too odd, they were an impulse name or every other kid in their grade has that name. Legally changing names at age 4-5. Some other popular names for boys: 121. Ashton, 318. Jerry, 355. Walter, 375. Chad, 548. Craig, 605. Maverick (Jah: “Hands down worst name ever.”), 637. Sincere, 764. Ralph, 905. Chaz. For girls: 169. Genesis, 298. Esther, 572. Aspen, 580. Patience, 644. Lyric, 660. Cristal, 751. Cherish, 839. Essence.
3:24 – Feb. 1, 2008 – “The Eye” released starting Jessica Alba
13:45 – Sunday marks 24th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s hair catching on fire during a Pepsi commercial shoot
15:38 – Mercury Morris quote about the Patriots’ undefeated streak from Week 10 revisited: “They have icebergs to go through on this Titanic trip. They’re talking about a lot of things. We’re docked over here, waiting on you. I’m telling you, they haven’t done that. So don’t come to me. Don’t call me when you’re in my town, call me when you’re on my block. I’ll see you in my neighborhood. I’ll see you next door moving your furniture in. And if you do, I’ll be in my tux waiting on my bride.” They come back and interview him again this week: “OK, they’re on my block. They approaching on the street where I live. The question is, will they be able to park. On February 3, 2007. One thing’s to be on that street, another thing’s to get out and look at that real estate.”
20:55 – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, while posing with a group of South Carolina African American teens for a photo: “Who let the dogs out? Who!? Who!?” Mother hands him a baby to kiss: “You got some bling-bling!”
21:41 – Bill Clinton in a church listening to a pastor talking about MLK, sound asleep
39:14 – New York man receives a voucher from Starbucks for any Starbucks drink. Ordered a 13-add shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. Drink’s total came to $13.76 with tax and had 975 mg of caffeine in it
43:57 – Wednesday, Jan. 30 is International Delete Your Myspace Page Day.
54:46 – 29-year-old stepfather on trial in N.Y. for killing his stepdaughter because she ate the rest of his yogurt. His defense attorney submitted as evidence a photograph of a coffee mug that was given to him by his stepdaughter that said WORLD’S GREATEST DAD. Seth: “The defense rests! And we out!”
13:32 – America’s Most Wanted is at 973 catches
14:43 – The U.S. saw over 176,000 mistakes due to errors involving similar drug names. A boy was supposed to get Zyrtec for allergies, but instead was given Zyprex for severe schizophrenia
15:54 – Dan in Illinois currently taking a game design class in McHenry County College. Instead of meeting in class for the biweekly lecture they meet in Second Life. MCC purchased an island in the game. On the island they have a digital classroom setup with auditorium-like seating, blackboards and all
34:48 – 24-year-old Paul Feinstein was upset that an Austin radio station made changes to his internet overnight broadcast radio program playlist. In response to the alteration, he lit the studio on fire. His show is titled “Mellow Down Easy”
43:50 – U.S. has over 9 million vanity plates. According to American Association of Motor Vehicles, No. 1 state is Virginia, followed by New Hampshire, Illinois, Nevada and Montana. No. 22 is California, No. 46 is Massachusetts, No. 50 is Texas. Top ranked vanity plates from coolpl8z.com: 2) AGINA – Virginia license plate with a giant V on it; 4) NOT OJ on a white Bronco; 46) OMG STFU; 60) COPS SUC; 87) UB6 IB9; 100) CIVL WAR – license plate in South Carolina. Jah’s is OU812 b/c he’s such a huge Van Halen fan
53:13 – The Ashley Madison Agency – “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.” Completely anonymous #1 dating service of its kind, which is for married people. Over 1,760,000 members have signed up
7:53 – Redtube site was hacked this week and visitors to the site were greeted with a banner that said NO PORN
9:10 – Val Kilmer is playing the voice of Kitt for the new Knight Rider. Will Arnett dropped out because Kitt is a Ford Mustang and he has a conflict of interest with his contract with GMC trucks
11:53 – Corey Haim takes out a full-page ad in Variety magazine on Feb. 7 saying it’s not a stunt, and that he’s ready to work and make amends
15:24 – The annual SI Swimsuit Issue will be published in mid-February. Those who do not want to receive it can call SI so they do not, and will get their subscription extended
20:02 – 50 Cent: “Ain’t nothin’ bad about Obama in my eyes. I’m not sure America ready to have a black president. I think they might kill him.”
25:06 – 9.3 million Americans have AOL dial-up internet service
27:56 – New signs in midtown Manhattan and East Village: EUROS ACCEPTED
30:12 – In San Diego, man tries to hang himself. Girlfriend comes home, cuts him down and revives him. He then begins to pull around the room by her hair. A couple across the street in their car see him dragging her, the man in the car climbs through the window and puts the dude in a choke hold – the man loses consciousness and dies. Jah: “Apparently it was his time to go.” (31:38)
33:59 – In Odessa, Texas, a man was accused of killing his wife. Police found her on floor of home, wrapped in a bedsheet with a cross on top of her. Man says he was holding her face to the floor performing an exorcism, when the devil left her body and went into his, forcing him to kill her
10:16 – Meredith Viera interviewing Jane Fonda on Thursday morning on The Today Show about the 10th anniversary of The Vagina Monologues. Fonda: “I hadn’t seen the play. I was asked to do a monologue called Cunt.” Jonathan finds the clip on Youtube and plays it live on the show at 15:25
18:52 – Robert Burke, the Times Square Naked Cowboy, is suing Mars Inc. for $6.65 million a new billboard they put up in Times Square – billboard features a scantily clad blue M&M with a guitar with scenes of New York in the background. Claim is that they’re stealing Burke’s trademark
23:41 – In 1967, DisneyLand closed its “House of the Future” – a pod-shaped all-plastic dwelling with hands-free phones, wall-sized televisions and electric razors. In May, they will reopen a new futuristic home in Tomorrowland – kitchen countertops that will be able to identify groceries and closets that will identify and suggest outfits
26:23 – The #1 song in the country on Aug. 7, 1977 – the day Jah was born – “I Just Wanna Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb. On Sept. 20, 1973, the #1 song was “Delta Dawn” by Helen Reddy (www.thisdayinmusic.com)
27:46 – PETA is protesting a bill being sponsored by several politicians to make The Colonel’s Finger-Lickin’ Good Original Fried Chicken recipe as Kentucky’s official picnic food. PETA is still trying after two years to have the bust of Col. Sanders removed from the Capitol of Kentucky
31:32 – The head of Cal State’s Medical Association is named Dr. Frankenstein
33:32 – San Diego teacher taught for 17 years, but he was unable to read, write or spell during his 17-year duration as a teacher
49:54 – Seth watches his show Jail, with special footage of O.J. rolling in to the Clark County Prison in Las Vegas. O.J. was talking about finding his golf swing
1:07 – National Geographic reports on barnacles evolving penises eight times the length of their own bodies. If the water is gentle, the penis is long; if the water is rough, the penis is short and stout
12:48 – “Never Back Down” comes out on March 14 – it’s basically “The Karate Kid” except with MMA
13:53 – Starbucks is testing a new premium drip coffee called “A Fresh Pressed;” brews each cup individually. Womens advocacy groups find Starbucks’ new “skinny” drinks politically incorrect
23:57 – Hacienda Heights, Calif., is home to the country’s first feng shui McDonald’s
24:58 – FAA is investigating a Go Airlines flight in Hawaii last week that had no cockpit contact for 25 minutes – believed that both pilot and co-pilot were asleep with plane on auto-pilot
32:04 – May 12, 2008 – the price of a 41-cent stamp will rise to 42 cents. Postcards jump from 26 cents to 27 cents (Episode 057, 56:29). Seth is frustrated by this, contradicting his rant from Episode 012 at 50:05
33:23 – The Guinness Book of World Records has been bought by Ripley’s Believe It Or Not
38:28 – Sen. Chris Buttars from Utah embroiled in controversity with Salt Lake City NAACP for making this comment about a bill he opposed: “This baby is black; it is a dark and ugly thing.” When asked for an apology from local African American leaders, he complained of “a hate lynch mob” out to get him. When that caused further controversy, he said “How do I know what words I’m supposed to use in front of those people?”
42:28 – Two major graffiti artist arrests made this week – Spek of the ITD Crew in Boston was arrested, as well as Guser of the UPN Crew in L.A.
54:35 – Big Sister now expanding into the U.S. after existing in the Czech Republic. You walk into a company, go to a touchscreen menu of prostitutes and bone down for free. The catch is your exploits are filmed and uploaded onto this site, and people pay money to have a catalog of the viewing
12:37 – Online actitivists: Brian Bates, the Video Vigilante, videotapes hookers and pimps in Oklahoma City and confronts them; Jimmy Justice videotapes traffic officers throughout NYC breaking laws they’re supposed to enforce, then confronts them. Videos posted on YouTube
14:46 – Ryan Krop, a short-order cook at Texas Roadhouse restaurant, arrested after putting his pubes inside a diner’s steak
34:56 – Steve Erwin’s son bob, 4 years old, was bitten by a boa constrictor while handling several snakes
37:28 – Complaints coming in for past 2 years of difficulty breathing, nosebleeds and various other malities that families living in FEMA trailers since Hurricane Katrina have been reporting. Center for Disease Control and Prevention have determined that all 519 trailers they tested contained 5 times the acceptable level of carcinogenic formaldehyde gas
44:15 – During a screening of the new horror move “The Signal” in Fullerton, Calif., a man seated in the back row 30 minutes into the movie stabbed a lone moviegoer in front of him in the chest and arm. He then walked toward the screen and stabbed another lone moviegoer in the arm. As the two moviegoers fled, the man managed to exit the theater, and then the movie resumed. The film is about a mysterious electronic signal that compels people to kill
56:42 – A goo girl is a girl who enjoys the taste of semen. San Francisco magazine has a profile on Marisa Mayer, a top employee at Google. The banner hanging behind her picture says GOOGIRL
5:52 – Seth heard that Tyson-Holyfield III is in the works. Last time they fought was June 1997
15:49 – IHOP launches their new Dr. Seuss (pronounced Sois) Horton Hears a Who menu – Whocakes, green hags and ham, beaslenut splash
25:19 – After 13 years Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest person. At $58 billion he’s dropped to No. 3. New No. 1 is Jimmy Buffett - $62 billion (Jah improves some “Margaritaville” lyrics). 23-year-old Facebook founder Marc Zuckerberg is No. 785, worth $1.5 billion
30:39 – Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia, broke up with his girlfriend, Canadian TV personality Rachel Marsden, on his Wikipedia show. She is now auctioning off a couple of his belongings on ebay. Marsden was given one year probation in 2004 for criminally harassing a boyfriend following a breakup
39:23 – Cosmopolitan magazine held a luncheon this week in NYC to honor their 2008 “Fun, Fearless” men. In attendance were Jessica Simpson ex’s Dane Cook and John Mayer, as well as current boyfriend Tony Romo
44:32 – Lesbians coming together to change the name of their sexuality to gayelles
2:23 – Patrick Swayze, suffering from pancreatic cancer, is caught on film coming out of his chemotherapy treatment with a cigarette in his mouth
4:43 – Follow-up on dude who stabbed the 2 people in “The Signal” (Episode 106) was arrested in Vegas, under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms
5:40 – The Vagina Monologues tour made its way to New Orleans this week, and Mayor Ray Nagin said “…I stand before you a Vagina-friendly mayor. I’m in.” Nagin also had the famous “chocolate city” quote after the Katrina fiasco (mentioned in Ep. 16)
8:17 – Telemarketers in Delaware have begun using a new number that shows up on people’s Caller ID as 867-5309.
15:53 – In Driggs, Idaho, Dawn Wells, 69, (played Marianne on Gilligan’s Island) got 6 months probation, 5 days in jail and a fine for being pulled over with a DUI. Three joints were found in her car. She said on her way home she picked up three hitchhikers, and when they started smoking she threw them out
27:17 – Barack Obama’s pastor in Chicago, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, starts yelling about Bill Clinton “ridin’ dirty” on Lewinsky while he’s humping the podium and the dude behind him is literally losing it and hitting him on the back
30:20 – Residents of Summerfield, Ore., be warned: a driver’s license has been renewed for 8 years for 100-year-old resident Margaret Pearson, driving a 1989 Chevy Caprice Classic
39:51 – Natural childbirth is a revolutionary orgasmic birth. Women can achieve what is called the greatest orgasm of their lives during childbirth. Revealed as an “integral part of a woman’s sexuality,” and is a “widely neglected human right.”
50:28 – Celeb For a Day, started in Austin TX and is now in LA. A List Package - $250; Superstar Package - $600; Megastar Package - $1,500. In the Megastar Package, 6 paparazzi follow you around for 2 hours, a publicist will tell people to stop bothering you, bodyguards protect you from paparazzi and crowds, you get limo service and a glossy magazine cover
3:58 – Harris Poll conducted with CareerBuilder.com asked 3,000 U.S. hiring managers and HR directors the worst things potential employees have done during interviews: dude answers cell phone during interview and asks interviewer to leave her own office; one dude told an interviewer he might not need the job b/c his uncle was dying and he might get the inheritance; and a dude asked for a ride home after the interview; dude says he got fired from his last job for beating up his previous boss
22:26 – DMX in an interview with XXL magazine: “Barack Obama? Where he from? Africa? What the fuck? That ain’t his fuckin’ name!”
28:33 – Joe Francis is out of jail after 10 months in prison. He asked Ashley Dupre, Elliott Spitzer’s lady, $1 million to pose nude in the GGW Magazine, but then someone at GGW finds her in the database 4 years ago in the bus in Miami boning down on Spring Break. They withdraw the $1 million, but her lawyer says she was only 17 when she did that… so Joe might be in trouble again
42:47 – Word on the street, according to UYD listener Matt Robinson, is that there is a film in production with Ricky Gervais called “This Side of the Truth.” A pivotal scene of the film will be filmed in Haverhill, Mass.
48:52 – Jake Frazier, who has 3 HR baseballs hit by Barry Bonds, was explaining to Yahoo! sports why he didn’t get his hands on No. 762: “I’m always stoned to the bone during games. I’d been smoking big weed 10 minutes before that guy hit the ball, so they had a big advantage on me.”
0:45 – Northstar Media of Toronto has bought rights to 21 IMAX movies to be shown on mobile phones
2:02 – Seth finds an article from a February 1995 Newsweek titled “The Internet – Bah!” by Clifford Stoll … “I’m uneasy about this most trendy and oversold community. I say baloney.”
10:13 – Dr Pepper will give every person in America a free can of soda if Axl Rose will release Chinese Democracy in 2008 – he’s been working on it for 10 years
12:50 – Adolfus August Busch V, 17, was arrested at a party in Illinois for underage drinking. He was drinking Natural Light beer, the cheapest, worst-tasting beer on the market – however, it is an Anheuser-Busch product
16:39 – Tuesday’s Mavericks-Clippers basketball game was shown live in 3D at Mark Cuban’s Landmark Theater in Dallas, made using James Cameron’s 3D cameras (originally mentioned in Episode 052)
17:24 – Robin Williams and his wife Marsha are getting divorced. Seth feels bad for her for having to be married to him for 19 years. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are getting married
22:08 – The Advocate reports a story about a man in Oregon named Thomas Beatie, who was born a woman but is now transgendered and legally male and living with his wife Nancy. He had his breasts removed and takes testosterone, but chose to keep his female reproductive organs. His wife cannot carry a child, so they have chosen to artificially inseminate him, and he is set to give birth on July 3. He also has a 5 o’clock shadow and a bump
31:51 – Seth recalls Anderson Cooper interviewing Kenny Chesney and how they were ready to bone down. On Sunday night Cooper interviewed David Beckham, but Cooper was more attracted to Beckham than he was to Chesney, except Beckham wasn’t receptive to it
11:56 – Weezer has a new album coming out. For the third time in the last 6 albums the album name will be called “Weezer.” Jah says Rivers Cuomo is a wacky dude, but he definitely respects their music. Jah says he respects REM as well.
16:26 – Rickrolling is when a person provides an enticing link to someone in an e-mail or post, and it takes the user to video of Rick Ashley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” that they cannot click off of until it is done. The name originated out of a “duckroll,” which leads you to an image of a duck on wheels. On April Fool’s Day, more than 20 different sites performed the Rickroll hoax
43:59 – Seth reads and watches a lot of material that says noone is getting any sleep these days. Jonathan declares that he gets 8 hours of sleep a day. The problem is he ends up staying up ultra late so he has to provide himself a life that doesn’t require him to do anything before 3 p.m., which he admits is completely uncool
56:26 – Update on Arkansas law that had a loophole in the bill allowing anyone of any age with parental permission to get married (originally mentioned in Episode 088, 48:46). The law was revised so that wouldn’t happen
16:41 – Beginning with the movie “Up” next year, all Pixar movies will be filmed in 3D
18:37 – Burger King is planning on unveiling a smaller, slicker, trendier Whopper Bar. It will cater to fans of the burger (Seth: “You know, Whopperheads”)
26:19 – Starbucks is testing letting their customers pour their own coffee to halt complains and declines in patronage
28:55 – Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday at Ruby Tuesday’s and Wal-Mart. Jah: “Get some Taz slippers.” (Episode 038)
31:52 – America’s Most Wanted is at 997 captures (update from Episode 102)
43:30 – Hot new trend: Monkids. More than 10,000 people in the U.S. have monkeys that live in their house as more than just pets. They live more like children, although it is illegal in about 20 states. A lot of couples in their 60s and 70s are down with it since they’re empty nesters. Monkey Matters magazine
51:48 – Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres, has the most expensive beer prices in all MLB. A 16-ounce Bud Light is $6.50. A keg of Bud Light on the street costs $76. The same $76 at that ballgame would get you 12 cups of beer. With the keg you’d get 124 cups of beer.
55:01 – Dude sent a Dell laptop back and it comes back to him with a keyboard covered in pubes. He took a picture of it and put it on a website.
1:00:53 – Back in 1995, Terry Cottle, 33, killed himself, but his heart was donated to a guy on a waiting list in Hilton Head, S.C. The recipient called up the guy’s widow to thank her and started boning down on her. They married, and now this week the guy killed himself. Jonathan: “You’ve got to destroy that heart.”
2:49 – Scientists say southern California has a 97% chance of being hit by a catastrophic earthquake in the next 30 years
4:27 – Alarming new trend in teen dating – kids texting each other nude pictures via mobile phone for dating
9:28 – Alicia Keyes to Blender magazine: “The East Coast-West Coast beef between Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled by the government and the media to stop another great black leader from succeeding.”
11:55 – Hallmark will release a new line of recordable greeting cards that allows the listener to record a 10-second message on the card. Along with the message will be followed by a choice of the following songs: “Whoomp! There It Is” by Tag Team; “Shining Star” by Earth, Wind & Fire; “Unbelievable” by EMF; or “Bang The Drum All Day” by Todd Rundgren. You get 220 plays for $6. Seth says his mom would run the battery dead
22:12 – Alarming trend at U.S. airports – homeless dudes pretending to be flying, sleeping on chairs and using restrooms. With the spate in cancellations officials are having a tough time differentiating between real travelers and fake ones
24:42 – Boston’s T transit system starts a “Grope Patrol,” to deal with nonstop complaints from female riders of men exposing themselves and rubbing up against them, also known as “fraterism.” New billboard campaign features woman sandwiched between two men: RUB UP AGAINST ME AND I’LL EXPOSE YOU. Another one with a security camera: FLASH SOMEONE AND YOU’LL BE EXPOSED.
45:03 – Effective January 2009, you will not be able to smoke in a car in L.A. with a minor present in the vehicle
50:57 – Seth found a video online of some drunk Cubs fan standing up in the urinal trough, running down it and sliding on it while being cheered on by other drunk fans.
3:16 – Top 10 most sexually active cities in America, based on contraceptive sales at grocery stores and drug stores: 10) Columbus, OH, 9) Buffalo, 8)Rochester, 7) Baltimore, 6) Cincinnati, 5) Washington D.C., 4) Salt Lake City/Boise, 3) Seattle, 2) San Antonio/Portland, 1) Denver. Jah: “I don’t think I would’ve guessed any of those.”
7:00 – A Googleganger is someone with the same name as yourself that you come across when you Google yourself. Jah admits that he periodically Googles himself, while Seth has never tried this. Jah has also Googled Seth. www.samenameasme.com
11:10 – Sneeze fetishists are aroused by people sneezing
16:34 – A single arch McDonald’s was taken down in Huntsville, Ala., leaving the very last single arch McDonald’s in Muncie, Ind. An original Dunkin’ Donuts sign was taken down in Brighton, Mass., leaving the last original sign in Lake Park, Fla.
22:32 – David Blaine will appear on a live episode of Oprah on April 30, attempting to set a new world record by holding his breath underwater for 16 minutes
29:39 – Kanye West during a concert in Sacramento to the crowd: “What up Seattle? Come on now, Seattle!” Kanye also is quoted in New Yorker saying he was breastfed for too long as a child and that’s why he loves big breasts so much
31:47 – At NYC’s Parker Meridian Hotel, you can call the concierge and get the Wii Boxing Workout for $120 an hour, in which a trainer comes to your room with a Wii and works you out
33:39 – FHM comes out with Top 10 Sexiest Women: 10) Kate Beckinsale, 9) Blake Lively (Jah knows her not from “Gossip Girl” but from “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”), 8) Trisha Helfer, 7) Hillary Duff, 6) Emmanuelle Chriqui, 5) Scarlett Johanssen, 4) Elisha Cuthbert, 3) Jessica Alba, 2) Jessica Biel, 1) Megan Fox
43:20 – Chelsea Clinton did a gay bar crawl in Philadelphia last weekend to tell potential voters about her mom’s “plan for America.” She went to Woody’s, Bump and Sisters
45:27 – Two weeks ago all 3 presidential candidates appeared in skits with Mylie Cyrus at the beginning of the CMT Country Music Awards. They were also on WWE Monday Night Raw. Clinton: “You can call me Hill-Rod.” Barack: “Do you smell what Barack is cookin’?” McCain: “What you gonna do when all the McCainiacs run wild on you?!”
5:38 – Free-range kids are kids whose parents want them to have the same freedoms they had – playing in the neighborhood unsupervised, riding the school bus alone, riding a bike to the library. Seth has a new name for these kids: Free-rape kids.
8:24 – Mother in Williamsburg, Va., buys a discount bin DVD of Batman, leaves her kid to watch it while she goes into the kitchen to cook dinner. The DVD turns out to be Titan Man, a gay porn DVD
14:28 – Hot new trend for expecting moms – belly facials. Trained professionals massage cocoa butter around mom’s midsection to tighten, tone and give an expecting mother “sheen.” It costs $100
18:13 – 18-year-old Ryan Schallenberger, who was turned in by his parents before attempting a Columbine at his high school, had a plan to do crazy damage, die, go to Heaven and kill Jesus
19:36 – Woman gets an ultrasound, and an image of Jesus on the cross is in her womb
28:07 – Two people were killed by sharks this week off the coast of California. Seth doesn’t care
47:23 – Seth thinks he’s found Jeff, his soon-to-be adopted grandson. Latarion Milton, 7 years old, gets mad at his mom and gets in her Dodge Durango, picks up his homie and drives around on an 8-mile spree. He drives it until the 2 front wheels have inverted and they’re up on a sidewalk
49:50 – 21-year-old arrested in a local bank in Fort Worth TX. He was trying to cash a check written from his girlfriend’s mother for $360 billion
2:45 – 64 percent of U.S. teens have used informal text message cyberslang in their written schoolwork. 38% of them have used the term LOL, 25% have used emoticons ☺
4:42 – For the second straight year, the children’s book “And Tango Makes Three” was the most-challenged book in U.S. public schools and libraries according to the American Library Association. The book is the story of 2 gay penguins who adopt a baby penguin, based off actual penguins in NYC’s Central Park Zoo – Roy and Silo. Jah: “If you and I were gay, I would be Silo and you would be Roy.” Seth: “I want to be Silo.” Jah: “But I’m taller than you are and my dick is huuuuuge.”
8:08 – Reminder to UYD listeners that this week the price of a stamp rises from 41 to 42 cents.
8:25 – Guy in Massachusetts who lost his license for his fourth DWI was killed this week riding his bike, after being struck by a drunk driver
11:22 – Jah tries to confirm if the rumor is true that Wii is going to release a video game involving pole dancing
14:38 – Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is under investigation for a sex scandal he had with chief of staff Christine Beattie. Thousands of text messages were recovered, including one choice piece of conversation: KK: THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I COULDN’T FULLY SEDUCE YOU. MY GAME IS OFF. LOL. THANKS FOR THE CONVERSATION. NQT. LOVE YOU. CB: YOUR GAME IS WAY ON BABY. YOU HAD ME AT HELLO (JERRY MAGUIRE, 2000). Seth informs Jah that Jerry Maguire came out in 1996.
16:49 – Cindy Crawford is confused on her percentages while speaking on the environment on Good Morning America, saying 38 billion is half of 50 billion
35:46 – Following up on the $1.26 it takes to make a penny, the U.S. Mint is now saying that it costs $7.78 to make a nickel
4:09 – In order to save fuel, airlines are reducing the speed of their flights – adding 3-10 minutes per flight. Jonathan is curious how many miles per gallon a plane gets
5:25 – Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger announced on the Today Show that 41-year-old Michelle is pregnant. They will be having their 18th baby on New Year’s Day 2009. Names of babies from oldest to youngest: Josh (20), Jana and John David (18), Jill (16), Jessa (15), Jinger (14), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Joyanna (10), Jeremiah and Jedediah (9), Jason (7), James (6), Justin (5), Jackson (3), Johanna (2), Jennifer (9 mos.)
8:37 – The Funky Bunch is reuniting without Marky Mark
9:01 – Maxim’s top 10 ladies: 10) Ashley Tisdale, 9) Lindsay Lohan, 8) Christina Aguilera, 7) Eva Mendes, 6) Elisha Cuthbert, 5) Sarah Michelle Gellar, 4) Eva Longoria, 3) Jessica Biel, 2) Scarlett Johanssen, 1) Marissa Miller
12:00 – A new iPhone with super-fast web speed is just weeks away
12:45 – Newsweek reports that between gas prices, struggling economy, etc., families this summer will be forced to take “staycations.”
24:33 – States drafting new laws that would prevent anyone with a conviction of a sexual crime against children from being able to operate an ice cream truck this summer. Seth’s ice cream of choice was the one with the gumball at the bottom of the cone, while Jah’s was the foot with the gumball as the big toe toenail
26:01 – International Tanning Association says it’s time to rethink sunbathing
27:43 – This Monday, Google will release its new social networking site, Friend Connect
30:41 – Office romances are on the rise, it is the new place to hook up. In a recent poll, 50% have hooked up with a co-worker, and 82% know of a hookup within the office that is “secret.” Employment lawyers have begun drawing up love contracts for new employees that state that if a hookup does occur, neither party is allowed to sue for harassment
32:05 – New birth control called Seasonique. Only have 4 periods a year, it’s taken for 3 months. The pill was approved by the FDA in 1960.
41:56 – Workplace computers have been tested recently by a scientific group, which finds that they’re 5% dirtier than public restroom toilet seats
45:19 – Part of the Republican National Convention (Sept. 1-4, St. Paul, Minn.) merchandise on sale in the Mall of America is official Republican Zubaz pants. Zubaz started in 1987 and hit its peak in 1991 with sales of over $100 million. Jah remembers Zubaz knockoffs on every corner in L.A. Seth says he never owned these but he did have a pair of parachute pants. Jonathan had a black dookie sack suit (MC Hammer-style) for a dance he went to, with full taper and giant crotch narrowing down to a narrow taper. Had shoulderpads and big double breasting. Crotch came down to the knees
4:56 – Jonathan reads a passage from Newsweek regarding creators of downloadable audio/video programs (podcasters) are trying out new names for the technology for the aim of communicating that their work is compatible with a variety of media players, not just iPods. Jonathan says the problem is not the name, it’s the entire concept. He adds that iTunes is the best, so it’s all that matters
7:34 – 10 years ago this summer saw the first release of an mp3 player, the MPMan from South Korea – beat out California-based Diamond Multimedia’s Reo PMP 300
13:01 – Hot new trend is tweens going to day spas. Seth explains that tweens are not teens or pre-teens. 7-12 years old, full Hannah Montana. Tweens are getting facials, chemical peels, having eyebrows done, bikini waxes, etc.
15:52 – 25 years ago, Chris Dunn and Pam Jensen met on a Compuserve CB simulator – a program that linked the first computer users nationwide – the first chat room. After 2 months of chatting, Chris flew from NYC to Chicago, and one year later to the day they were married. America’s first Internet couple
23:14 – Many men no longer feel ashamed to ask for alimony during divorces. The stigma attached to having your ex-wife support you is lessened. It’s now called “manimony.”
23:47 – In Minnesota and N. Dakota, it is illegal to serve a 21-year-old celebrating their birthday until 8 a.m.
24:48 – Wii is releasing a series of games called Frat Party – the first one coming out this summer is called Beer Pong
32:13 – Hazelwood, Mo., man gets pulled over for having an expired license plate. Cop is walking up to the car and sees the guy in the passenger seat pull out his cell phone. Guy makes a call to 911 and calls in a robbery at the convenience store down the road, hoping that the cop would be dispatched to the store. Dispatcher hears cop asking the driver for his license and registration, and sends another cop by there, who brings him in for the prank call
47:41 – Scientificmatch.com is a new dating website only available in Boston/Providence. For a fee of $995, you give the site a saliva sample and get a match based on a new study of mate attraction using a technology called MHC. Lets users noses guide them to a perfect match. “Olifactory harmony.”
51:24 – McKinney High School in Texas – 583 students had altered pictures in the yearbook. Girls’ heads on boys’ bodies, outfits on different people, one girl was missing an arm and two bodies had no clothes on and were partially blurred out. Lifetouch apologized and said “they must have misinterpreted the guidelines.”
59:55 – Jah confirms the rumor that the 3G iPhone official announcement is set for Monday, June 9
2:33 – Seth’s dad, Joe Romatelli, manages to work his way into a Boston Globe article about UYD friend Matt Robinson’s movie he’s shooting in Seth’s hometown of Haverhill, Mass. The article is about some of the residents of the old folks’ home who got to appear as extras in the movie, “This Side of the Truth.” After one of the residents says she will get an agent after her newfound fame, “… You’ll need a manager and an agent, and that’s why I’m here,” replied Joe Romatelli, a friend of the seniors who stopped by for a visit.”
5:31 – California officially bans talking on the cell phone while driving, which Jah is OK with. But he wonders about texting, because he can text, steer and keep his eyes on the road all at the same time, and is more than willing to document and show people how to do it. He claims it is easy, fun and safe. He was also complimented the other day on the speed of his texting.
13:02 – Average cost of a wedding in the USA tops out at around $30,000
51:17 – “Mim” is when people will overdub videos and everyone does them. Someone overdubbed the Hitler film “Downfall” with the Cowboys-Giants playoff game, which Jah found funny. Other mims include Planning a Trip to Birmingham, Explaining Second Life, Hillary’s Collapse, Being Banned From Xbox Live and Hitler Having His Car Stolen.
1:31 – Yahoo Health’s unhealthiest drink in America – Baskin Robbins’s Heath Bar shake (32 oz., 2,310 calories, 108 grams of fat, 266 grams of sugar – total of 73 separate ingredients). Jah: “If I wasn’t a vegan, I would definitely indulge in one of those right now.”
12:10 – National Retail Federation expects consumers to reduce spending on Father’s Day this year from $98.34 to $94.54. Seth brings up the fact that more collect calls are made on Father’s Day, originally mentioned in Episode 013, 41:21.
26:15 – Seth references the freeway service patrol where they will give you a free gallon of gas to get you off the freeway (originally mentioned in Episode 012, 50:05). Dude in Sacramento was pulled over on the freeway scamming people to get free gas. Same guy that helped him in the morning pulled over in the afternoon to catch him. In Venezuela, gas is 19 cents a gallon
28:30 – Washington-based religious group “Pray at the Pump” prays around gas stations to lower gas prices. They have led offshoots in San Francisco and Oakland, they believe the gas prices are the sign of the apocalypse. Since they have started gas has gone up 43 cents
6:58 – Top 10 most commonly used online passwords according to PC Magazine: 10) First name; 9) blink182; 8) password1; 9) myspace1; 6) monkey; 5) letmein; 4) abc123; 3) qwerty; 2) 123456; 1) password
9:03 – Friday June 20th is Take Your Dog to Work Day. 17% of Americans say their company is already dog-friendly. 5% of Americans are allergic to dogs
10:51 – The 100 thing challenge is an online blog that challenges people to downsize their lives to 100 items. “SHED it”: S – Separate the treasures, H – Heave the trash, E – Embrace your identity from within, D – Drive
16:30 – Lucky Charms is adding a new charm, an hourglass
35:38 – Study of lemon wedges placed in ice water at several east coast Applebee’s restaurants and Chili’s showed 1/3 of them contained bacteria including fecal matter and e coli
36:23 – Ritz Carlton – Miami Beach has a tanning butler. Started on the hotel’s opening day, Jan. 1, 2004. Dude makes $30/hour and roams around the pool area providing Evian mist spray, is armed with lotion holsters on his hip to spray and rub people down
38:34 – To celebrate IHOP’s 50th birthday this July, they will unveil 9 new pancakes this summer
52:22 – Guy that caught Ken Griffey Jr’s 600th HR was named “Joe.” He brought a glove to the games, got into the scrum, but brought in another baseball so when he was at the bottom of the pile he tossed it as a decoy and walked out with the real one
53:00 – Dude gets Jonathan Papelbon’s attention in the bullpen, hands him photographs – nude pictures of dude’s ex-wife. Entire bullpen signs a baseball for him to say thanks
3:36 – Colorado Lottery is offering $3 scented crosswood scratch-and-sniff tickets
5:36 – Michigan man wins $57 million through Mega Millions but is a registered sex offender. Co-worker gives interview to the Grand Rapids Press: “…I know some of his secrets and he knows some of mine. I’m not going any further.”
8:21 – New types of summer parties: Pumping Parties, where ladies get together for silicone injections in the butt; and Dipping Parties – teens who get on Facebook and get on Google Earth to find neighborhoods and meet at the pool
9:26 – Babyzone.com reveals the top 10 things kids put up their noses: 10) Beans and peas; 9) Small toys; 8) Cheerios; 7) Tissues; 6) Spaghetti; 5) Marbles; 4) Fingers; 3) French Fries; 2) Beads; 1) Crayons
13:05 – New rigout for girls this summer: jean shorts and moccasins
50:06 – Washington Nationals no longer allow men to take their shirts off at a ballgame, calling it “indecent exposure.”
55:17 – Mississippi-based Christian website delivers news from a Christian perspective and replaces any words in articles that they would deem offensive. Story about USA sprinter Tyson Gay gets filtered through the site replacing his last name with “homosexual” every mention
7:52 – The Wii beer pong game is now being called Pong Toss because it was unsuitable for children under 13, and there were a lot of complaints about it.
16:25 – There are 850,000 operational pay phones right now in the United States. Jah says he hasn’t laid eyes on one in six months. The last time he saw one, the dude’s mouth was so close to the receiver that Jah threw up on him.
24:56 – US Transportation Department and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration are going to use female dummies for the first time in their high speed crash tests. They will all be 4-foot-8 and 108 pounds
27:13 – Dennis Hoff’s world famous bunny ranch in Carson City Nevada, since 1955 the phone number is 1-775-246-FUCK. The slogan is “more bang for your buck.” You can take in your federal stimulus check and get double the amount of check toward your ranch pleasure party.
35:49 – “Green rage” is when people lose their patience with other people who are not eco-friendly and have poor eco habits
49:31 – The first YouTube video was called “Me at the zoo,” posted at 8:27 p.m. on Saturday, April 23, 2005. 18 seconds of Yaku Lipitzky at the San Diego Zoo. The first item sold on ebay was a broken laser pointer sometime in the fall of 1995 for $14.83 when the site was still known as AuctionWeb
53:58 – Douglas Monks, 57, of Florida, takes his computer in for repairs – except under “My Documents” there was a big file called “Preteen Gay Porn” with 4,000 images of 600 boys aged 5-13.
56:35 – Woman at NY Sports Club got an awful odor coming from the locker room, opened the door to the sauna and found a woman who had put two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese on the hot sauna rocks to make a post-workout sandwich. Woman’s response: “I do this all the time!”
2:23 – Emily Leatherman is being accused of stalking John Cusack and they’re having a preliminary case to determine her sanity. Seth thinks there’s no point b/c she’s already obviously insane to be stalking Cusack. If he refused to dance with her, she wrote “there would be dances with vampires.”
12:02 – For the second year in a row, the woman representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant tripped in her evening gown and fell. Seth thinks Miss Universe is a full Venezuelan tranny, but Jah thinks she’s beautiful
13:27 – The American Naturalist reported this past week on how orchids can mimick insects and trick insects into procreating with the orchid – “pseudocopulation.” The scientific glitch is that wasps are doing this and pulling it off to full climax – straight copulation. People are worried that the wasps are spilling their juices with the orchids and there won’t be enough for the female wasps. Jah: “It’s like orchid bukkake.” Seth thinks it will spawn a new breed of dyke wasps. Jah: “Plaid, flannel, Timberland orchids.”
24:40 – John McCain was on a campaign stop in Pittsburgh speaking, and told community members that while he was in a Vietnam POW camp he was supposed to list his platoon members by his torturers, but listed the Pittsburgh Steelers defensive line. Place goes crazy, except in his autobiography he said it was the Green Bay Packers. McCain’s people said it was a memory lapse
35:39 – 30-year-old teacher in Buffalo, Cara Dickey, sent provocative texts to 14-year-old student, brought him to a motel, gave him a cocktail of Bacardi and Nyquil, and wrote out a suicide pact for the two of them.
48:47 – Seth read about a kid who got hit by a foul ball at Wrigley Field last week, so he dipped in to the history of freak occurrences. Book called “Death At The Ballpark” claims that 300 people a year get hit (knocked out) by foul balls. A minor league base coach died last season. On the back of your ticket it says you assume all responsibility. In 1957, a guy for the Phillies hit a foul ball that hit the wife of the Philadelphia sports editor, and while she was on the stretcher he hit her again. Two years ago, the Orioles’ Jay Gibbons hit a foul that nailed his wife in the ribs
54:37 – 9-year-old girl in Indiana dials 911 when she hears her mother screaming, but the authorities arrived to find the parents boning down in the bedroom
56:47 – Playboy.com features the “Girls of Olive Garden.”
57:48 – NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg, king of verbal gaffes, references a trip to Salt Lake City, Idaho. He also talks about a favorite memory in 1981 was a Simon and Garfinkel concert in Central Park. He mentions bringing out Shinagua Twain and Tom McGraw at the CMA Awards. He also says former Yankees manager was named Joe Torres, and good ol’ Anthony Villarigosa.
2:59 – Gastrosexuals are single men who have taken up cooking to impress ladies
3:55 – Starbucks has had some cutbacks, shutting down 600 stores. On Starbucks.com you can see a list of all the stores that have closed. Girl being interviewed in NYC: “We’re devastated.”
7:09 – National Sleep Foundation reporting an alarming new development for our mothers – Caffeinated Moms. A mom’s responsibilities have increased so much that they’re forced to consume a lot of coffee and sodas to stay on their game, and they’re sleep deprived
13:45 – Matthew McConaughey to OK Magazine, talking about his child Levi’s birth: “We were jamming. We were sweating. We got tribal on it. We danced to it. I was DJing this Brazilian music. Having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing. I said ‘Come here little man.’ I saw the penis and I screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy.”
23:21 – J Dragon, a tattoo and body piercing shop in Chicago, has done it again. Last year a man got a tat there that said CHI-TONW. Now a man is suing the shop after getting a memorial tattoo for a late friend that was supposed to read TOMORROW NEVER PROMISED TODAY. Except the tattoo reads TOMMORROW. Artist claims he wrote it exactly as it was written on the slip of paper.
25:06 – A new domain extension is now available, .me, which has caused godaddy.com some problems. Nine different people claim to have bought the same one, aweso.me.
29:08 – A new service called slydial lets you connect with another person’s voicemail, bypassing the ringing process and eradicating the chance of them picking up on you. They receive a vm notification and a missed call. Call 267-SLYDIAL
38:34 – According to the CDC, the most unhealthy and obese states are found in the South. Mississippi is No. 1, preceded by 5) West Virginia, 4) Louisiana, 3) Tennessee, and 2) Alabama
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
6:48 – Johns Hopkins University researchers claim that rise in personal listening devices will cause 1 in 3 adults to suffer in recognizable degree in hearing loss. Could have a future generation of deaf people. Jah remembers everyone saying that about Walkmans when we were kids, and thinks that the physics of in-ear headphones allow people to listen to lower volumes, so this isn’t necessarily going to pan out
8:22 – Police in Lake Ozark area of Missouri busted a pregnant prostitution ring running out of a hotel this week
15:18 – Seth watches video of Criss Angel escaping from an imploding hotel in Clearwater, Fla., but also sees footage from the local Fox affiliate that spots a figure dressed the same exact way as Criss running out of the adjacent building and lying down in the rubble, then coming out at the same area where the show spots him
17:09 – Lifestyle Condoms has offered Miley Cyrus $1 million and a lifetime supply of condoms to get the word out on safe sex to American teens. She is 15 years old. Jah admits that he was certainly having intercourse at age 15.
19:47 – New scam going on where people say they find your lost dog. You get a phone call, saying they’re a delivery driver and they have a tight delivery schedule and found the dog, they’re four states away, and if they get a Western Union payment they will get the dog back to them by chartering a driver back to them
22:52 – Hot new fashion is eye jewelry, where people attach a string to their contact lens with jewelry on the end of it
26:27 – Google claims it’s now the most comprehensive search engine, now passing over 1 trillion URLs
34:59 – Breastfeeding is at its highest rate in 20 years. The new trend is crossnursing, where you not only breastfeed your own child but your neighbor’s child too
37:22 – Harvard researchers claim that eating even a half-serving a day of soy-based foods could significantly lower a man’s sperm count. Jah says he can attest to the change in male ejaculate when one has turned vegan. He claims it gets much thinner and also doesn’t taste as bleachy. Seth wants to know how he attests to the second. Jah: “None of your biz dude.” Seth: “None of your jizz.”
3:13 – Seth reads some crazy 911 calls from around the country: Guy in Jacksonville calls about a situation at Subway, he ordered 2 sandwiches and didn’t get what he paid for, then they locked him outside the store and he said he wouldn’t leave until they took care of it … Another one has a person in a drive-thru saying he wanted a Western BBQ Burger and isn’t leaving until he gets one, and the people are inside mopping the floors … Another person calls to be connected to Domino’s Pizza (Episode 001, 23:05).
7:34 – 25-year-old man pulled over in Minneapolis going 80 mph in a 25 mph zone, also going the wrong way on a one-way. After police pulled him over he said “Oh, sorry, I was texting.”
10:24 – Some high schools this year are going to be charging $5 just to get a locker
12:23 – US Airways will now charge $1 for coffee and $2 for all sodas on their flights. Jet Blue now charges $7 for blankets which you keep.
15:58 – November 2008 will see the last print issue of Playgirl
19:19 – Christopher Emmott, before his death by lethal injection, had this to say to Virginia governor Tim Cain, who declined to give him a stay of execution: “Tell the governor he just lost my vote.”
22:07 – Google employee proposes to his fiancé using Google streetmaps, with the street view camera that went outside his Mountain View offices. He refers to this as “Proposal 2.0”
25:32 – Portland Cinemagic theater was taking down the marquee for Hancock this week, and putting up the marquee for Dark Knight. Someone took a picture of it during this transition and it read THE DARK COCK
29:27 – Hot new trend for moms – pregorexia – moms want to stay healthy while they’re pregnant and stop eating, gain as little weight as possible.
32:28 – A commercial was being shot on the set of the Price Is Right for a video game version, with Plinko preset to hit $10,000. They forget to reset the game, and a female contestant hits $10,000 three times in a row before they figure it out and reset it
48:20 – National crime bureau releases the top cars stolen for 2007, the top 4 were the same as 2006: 5) 1994 Chevy pickup, 4) 1997 Ford F-150, 3) 1989 Toyota Camry, 2) 1991 Honda Accord, 1) 1995 Honda Civic
7:31 – Chicago police officer Barbara Nevins was fired for demanding free Starbucks coffee at 5 different locations. When she was denied she pulled out her badge and began waving her gun around
8:27 – Roman Catholic Archdioces of Cincinnati has issued all priests a list of things not to do as far as interactions with male alter boys: no kissing, tickling, wrestling, bear hugs, etc.
10:50 – PETA is asking to rent space on the country’s US-Mexico border fence, so they can put up signs that read IF THE BORDER PATROL DOESN’T GET YOU, THE CHICKEN AND BURGERS WILL. GO VEGAN.
13:40 – Matthew McConaughey has kept the placenta from his son’s birth and plans to plant it in an orchard: “I hope it will fertilize the land. It’s going to bear wonderful fruit.”
21:08 – Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have been working on a new pill called CP154526 which stops all the euphoric effects of alcohol but will not prevent the sloppiness or the hangover. Jah: “You guys made it backwards.”
39:53 – Deputy in Dewitt County, TX, filmed with his dash cam the year’s first sighting of the Chupacabra, the Latin American Bigfoot, which attacks and drinks the blood of goats
40:30 – Blender magazine asked presidential candidates top 10 songs of all time. Obama’s #1 was “Ready Or Not” by the Fugees, and #6 was “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West. McCain’s #1 song was “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, and #3 was “Take A Chance On Me” by ABBA
51:55 – Ernest Borgnine, 91, was on Fox & Friends this morning, and was asked “How do you look so good?” Borgnine first says “I dare not tell you,” then tries to whisper to one of the hosts, “I masturbate a lot,” except the microphones pick up everything he says
7:55 – Coming to King’s Island in April 2009 is the Diamondback, a hypercoaster with open-air stadium style seating, where everyone is in the front. It’s being referred to as “3 minutes of sheer terror.” Seth reveals that he’s never been on a roller coaster in his life
18:43 – In Michigan, because technically a dead body is not a person, it is not protected under any nursing home patient abuse laws. 3 women will not face jail time after cell phone photos were discovered of them hanging out with a dead 80-something-year-old woman
26:17 – Arizona’s mental hospitals have been told to eliminate all smoking for their patients
31:19 – The 99 cents store is finally making select items cost over 99 cents. Jah admits he was just there when he went to dress up as the raver for Halloween
35:41 – For people who think Google is too white, there’s Rushmore Drive – search engine that targets the black community. In Google, the first thing that comes up when you search “Whitney” is the Whitney Museum in Virginia. On Rushmore Drive it’s Whitney Houston. Boo yah. Jah informs us that there’s also a “Blackle” search engine for eco-friendly people, which has a black background which requires much less energy to produce the screen image
39:49 – The federal government began a pilot program on Aug. 5 in five cities (San Diego, Chicago, Charlotte, Phoenix and Santa Ana) that allows illegal immigrants to voluntarily turn themselves in. In exchange, they are allowed 90 days to leave the country so they don’t have to risk arrest or sudden deportation. In those 5 cities there are 5,000 illegal aliens, and 6 people have turned themselves in. Government is not ready to say whether the program is a success or not
42:09 – Bobby Guffey always plays the same combination of lottery numbers every week. He goes to buy his ticket this week and forgets his bifocals, then realizes he punched in the wrong number. He goes back to get the correct number of his son’s birthday, then the incorrect one actually wins him $3 million in the Indiana Lottery ($1.2 million after taxes).
48:28 – Ian Zeiring quote: “Steve Sanders lives in our hearts and in our minds. But I don’t think I want to do this show. I think it might be a step backwards.”
51:22 – 20-year-old girl in Ohio boned down on a 15-year-old and she became pregnant. She’s now 21, he’s now 16. The girl is on trial for unlawful sexual contact with a minor, faces 2 years in prison and registering as a sex offender. Another court has ordered him to pay $50 a month for child support
2:53 – Superintendents in Butler County have voted not to allow high school cheerleaders to wear their uniforms to school on Fridays
5:55 – John McCain at a fundraiser speech in Phoenix, surrounded by teenagers, brings a special friend to perform. His name? Daddy Yankee.
7:21 – The USPS will lose around $2 billion this year, and could lose at least that much next year
16:16 – Boyfriend jeans is the new trend – girls wearing their boyfriends’ jeans. Jah is down with it, Seth is not
17:17 – Jah reads an excerpt from the autobiography of Matthew McConaughey’s mother, Kay McConaughey, talking about her husband’s death: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong because I didn’t hear anything from him, just nothing. But it was just the best way to go.” And talking about him being taken out to the ambulance naked: “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey and his gift.”
20:31 – Seth was reading about how the largest land predators, polar bears, and the largest sea predators, sharks, are being affected by global warming and forced out of their natural environments. Eventually we’re ramping up for the two animals to go full deathmatch on small patches of ice in the arctic. Jah thinks the shark would win because the polar bear would have no grabability out at sea. Seth thinks the polar bear would win because he would latch onto the ice and club the shark
31:23 – Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani had a new baby boy who joins 2-year-old Kingston. His name is Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.
33:29 – Google has canceled free dinners for all employees (breakfast and lunch still free). Executive chef Joseph Desimone was stolen away by Facebook. The Mountain View HQ offers estimated $72 million per year in free food. New employees of Google put on the “Google 15” because of all the restaurants. Jah and Amir were supposed to do a gig there and would have gotten paid super well, but it fell through
35:28 – Ventura County man has now rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks
51:15 – Darryl Hanna being interviewed by Fox News outside the DNC: “I’m not going to the convention at all. I refuse to go into a building that’s named after a beverage that causes obesity and diabetes.”
52:50 – In Bellville, Michigan, Fred Homes had saved up thousands of dollars over the past year, planning to surprise his family with a trip to Disney World. In order to hide the money, he took a DVD copy of Sin City and hid it underneath the chapter booklet. His wife had a garage sale and sold Sin City with two other movies for $10. Jah says that if they were a huge show they could get that money back and send it to him. Jah predicts the other 2 DVDs were Click and Gone In 60 Seconds
55:27 – Trend popping up of parents going in and airbrushing the school photos of their children for maximum exposure
3:17 – Football widows: women whose husbands are completely out of pocket because of football season and fantasy leagues, etc.
7:29 – Starbucks is now offering oatmeal for $2.45. Jah is totally down with it and wonders if he can get it with soy milk. Howard Schultz said that the smell of the oatmeal will not overpower the smell of the coffee, although Jah says they still haven’t dealt with the smells resulting from the cleaning solutions used on the panini makers they tried
8:53 – A panel of doctors for the American Academy of Otolaryngology and Head & Neck Surgery Foundation released new guidelines for ear care. Earwax serves as a protective lubricator and has antibacterial properties. Resist the urge to use Q-Tips because they push the cerumen (secretion, hair and dead skin) deeper and into more dangerous areas of the ear canal. Seth has thrown his Q-Tips out as a result of this
10:47 – Original iPhones are selling for more than the 3G versions because they’re easier to unlock and hack, making them easier to convert to other cellular carriers or connect to open wireless networks
11:54 – Accuweather.com now has the frizz index, which lets you know the dramatic effect the weather could have on your hair
23:14 – California prisons are preparing for an onslaught of gay weddings at the 33 state-run facilities. Inmates cannot marry fellow inmates of the same prison, a rule that was made because officials are concerned that an inmate could discover information that another inmate has a lot of property/assets on the outside, then force him to marry him and gain equal access to the assets
26:21 – In Niagara Falls, N.Y., 52-year-old James Curtis was charged with aggravated harassment after posting a sign in the Public Works office that said WHITES ONLY above a drinking fountain. When questioned about it, he said it was not racial.
30:42 – 6-year-old girl playing hide and go seek with her grandma, comes out of the bushes with a “doll,” which turns out to be a live baby with an umbilical cord still attached. They brought the baby to the hospital totally safe and sound
35:48 – A 12,000-member kids’ sports league in Indiana has banned the use of first names and/or nicknames on all boys or girls team jerseys to protect children from potential sexual predators
39:56 – The Frisky, a women’s dating/lifestyle website, posed the question “What would you do if you had a penis for a day?” Some of the answers: I’d slap it on counters and stuff. … I would totally get it hard and beep a horn with it. … Poke it in holes. … I would probably have sex with various holes, like a donut. … Seriously, I wanna see what the big deal is. … I hope it feels like heaven. … I’d check out this whole urinal thing. … Do I get balls too? … Seriously, I don’t think I’d be able to stop touching it. … I would write my name in pee. … I would pee on people’s heads from a roof. … I would draw eyes on the tip and make the peephole talk. … I would masturbate – a lot. Jah: “Those are some awesome answers.” Jah claims he’s done most of the answers on this list, except for peeing on people’s heads from a roof. He’s also done the “girl tuck” and the “turtle shell,” where you put everything underneath the scrotum. Seth thinks that kind of stuff is gross
48:01 – Illinois school superintendent Herschel Hanna proposed a plan to disallow students from attending senior prom unless they kept their grades up. “You’re not in school to drop it like it’s hot.”
49:26 – Jah recaps the dude who exposed himself three times to 7 drive-through Java Girls baristas (Episode 129, 3:45). He has finally been caught, and said “Once you start it’s hard to stop.”
51:05 – New studies from Stanford’s Human Interaction Lab indicate that in the virtual world, the younger, fitter and more attractive you are, the better you’ll fare
51:44 – Australian company Village Road Show will unveil 3 upscale movie theaters in 2009 called Gold Class Cinemas, including online seating reservations, valet parking, in-theater food and beverage. It only costs $35 per ticket, not including the exquisite food menu that has duck tacos, Kobe beef burgers and crème brulee on it.
55:18 – A new website, ParentConnect.com posts all of kids’ grades, attendance, teacher comments, upcoming assignments, tests, etc. This infuriates Seth.
3:04 – New ecological threat: Global dimming – a marked decrease in the amount of sunlight that reaches the earth’s surface. Jah thinks it’s because so many people are tanning. For Jah’s birthday Seth got him 5 sessions at Ibiza Tan on Fairfax. Jah has 2 remaining tans
4:53 – Naming rights for new football stadium for NY Giants and NY Jets may go to a German insurance company called Allianz that worked with the Nazis in WWII. They denied insurance for any of the Jews or their family members who died at Auschwitz death camp.
6:07 – Neighbors complaining about a house on a street in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which features a black doll hanging from a cross in their yard. The owner says it is not racist but sentimental. The owner’s dog’s name is also Hitler.
12:12 – Col. Sanders’ original handwritten recipe of 11 herbs and spices was removed from KFC’s corporate offices for the first time in several decades, allowing KFC to revamp the security that surrounds the company’s biggest secret
15:04 – Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter (Bristol), has some interesting quotes on his Myspace page: I’m a fuckin redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirtbikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys. Do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin chillin.’ You fuck with me, I’ll kick ass. I don’t want kids.
17:28 – New food items at the Texas State Fair: chicken fried bacon and deep fried jelly beans
21:51 – Growing danger on American roads is stunting – people doing tricks on motorcycles, videotaping and putting them on YouTube.
26:03 – American parents are facing a common problem of babysitters who spend more time texting than watching their kids
29:01 – Retired gay porn star Kurt Wild was fired from his job at Subway after a customer who recognized him complained and threatened a boycott of the store if he wasn’t fired
33:33 – The Association of Professional Flight Attendants, which represents 19,000 American Airlines flight attendants, wants the airline to install software that prevents passengers from surfing porn on their handheld internet devices in the backs of chairs
39:22 – In Rockland, Calif., 34-year-old Keith Fonte was arrested after walking up to two different groups of men completely nude and asking if they wanted to play. One group booked it and the other group called the authorities. He was later identified by another group that had seen him do it on another day
40:27 – Walter Freeman, a 72-year-old sex offender, left a courthouse and was rearrested 30 minutes later standing next to an ice cream truck offering to buy two young boys an ice cream
48:35 – As fuel prices are rising many schools are limiting school bus routes, and now they have “walking school buses” where kids walk together in a long line to school. Seth is pissed about this and compares it to when people would call airport taxis “limousines.”
50:59 – The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety is attempting to raise the minimum age to have a driver’s license to 18 years old
52:24 – New battle for American parents – superlice. Lice that have developed a full immunity to all currently used insecticides
56:18 – Brad Garrett, former star of Everybody Loves Raymond, had a prostate exam live on national television for the Step Up to Cancer fund
58:01 – A 22-year-old graduate student at Sacramento State is auctioning off her virginity, teaming up with Dennis Hoff of the Bunny Ranch to sell herself to the highest bidder. She wants someone who is intelligent and tender. She is paying for her master’s in marriage and family therapy
1:01:09 – A robber in a wheelchair armed with a bat and a knife rolled into a Dallas 7-11, beat the register with the bat until it opened. He took no cash, instead he pocketed a box of condoms and an energy drink.
4:21 – Reporter from the Rocky Mountain News was following a story about a 3-year-old boy who was killed in a Baskin Robbins when a truck inadvertently drove into the store. The reporter has supplemented his coverage of the story by tweeting the funeral using Twitter. As he was tweeting he was saying “people are sobbing,” “procession begins,” “people gather at graveside,” etc.
21:20 – In Green Bay, Wis., a 33-year-old woman is accused of stealing her daughter’s identity and then going to high school and trying out for the cheerleading team. She says she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life that she had missed.
24:38 – Hot new trend for upcoming Christmas season is people wrapping gifts with actual sheets of dollar bills
41:42 – Chevrolet is getting hit hard financially and is now scaling back production of the Corvette. Jah’s favorite model year is a 1977, scratch that, a 1973 Stingray.
43:03 – NBC has sold 85% of their Super Bowl ads for 2009
44:35 – 18-to-24-year-olds are more interested in looking at Myspace and Facebook than they are porn sites. Porn use is down for the first time in 10 years
45:06 – Totspot, Lilgrams and Kidmondo are 3 names of social networking sites for infants/toddlers
47:46 – Attorney generals from 25 different states have asked Miller/Coors to ban their new version of Sparks, Sparks Red, which will have the highest volume of alcohol yet
49:08 – Teenage girls across the U.S. wear sweatpants/shorts with writing across the butt. Some girls have started putting their boyfriends’ names put across the shorts (JAH’S ASS). A school district in Texas is issuing denim inmate prison jumpsuits for any girl who wears those to school
56:25 – Researchers have studied the data, ratings and top lists of the hotornot.com website. They found that all men, no matter where they are rated in the scheme, believe they have a chance with the most highly rated attractive women on the site
58:02 – Four firefighters from San Diego are suing the city for being forced to drive their truck in a 3-hour gay pride parade. The mandatory participation was ordered by their lesbian fire chief. The crowd gave them numerous cat calls and harassment, etc.
1:02 – Parents enrolling kids 4-10 years old in child health clubs featuring tiny-sized equipment and classes for kids
2:55 – The Lighthouse Mission at the True North Community Church in Long Island received an anonymous winning lottery ticket this week worth $3 million. Church cannot accept the gift, however, because they counsel gamblers and this would be in contrast to their mission
5:49 – New study finds that the average automobile contains almost 400 kinds of different bacteria. Turning on the car’s heat will incubate and send potent fungi and germs around the automobile
6:42 – A teen girl in Dallas was forbidden from wearing a rosary around her neck because she was told it was a gang symbol
9:05 – Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend Casey videotaped Jamie Lynn breastfeeding her baby in a Louisiana Wal-Mart, her breasts were exposed, someone got copies of the photos, and local police have begun a child pornography investigation because she’s 17 years old
11:07 – Gov. Schwarzenegger has signed a bill in California starting Jan. 1, 2009, that says you can no longer text while driving
13:00 – Clay Aiken is allegedly a new father and a new homosexual
21:43 – This past Monday saw the premier of Logo’s six-episode docusoap, Shirts & Skins, which follows the gay basketball team, The Rockdogs, who live in a converted firehouse
33:01 – PETA is petitioning Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream in Vermont to replace cow’s milk in their ice cream with breast milk. Jah comes up with a couple flavors to fit this theme: Mama’s Marzapan and Big Mama Cass’ Caramel Tittie Crunch.
34:33 – The iPhone 3G power adapter may cause electric shock
36:18 – Kirk Cameron plays a firefighter in the new movie Fireproof, about a married couple rediscovering their love of their faith and each other. Since Kirk refuses to kiss any other woman beside his wife, the filmmakers had to dress his wife up to look like the female lead and they shot a scene of them kissing in a dark silhouette scene to splice that into the movie
54:54 – The Des Moines Area Community College is apologizing for a typo that appeared in their school calendars that were passed out this week to more than 10,000 students. A calendar entry for Feb. 16, 2009, salutes Black History Month with a “Lynch and Learn.”
0:45 – Jay-Z is introducing a new fragrance: 91X Rocawear
4:56 – Jah updates his complaint about the eco Starbucks cups that had ill-fitting lids. The new lids are now in at Starbucks, and are much thicker. The perforation where the straw goes in is super-sharp, which doesn’t allow the green straws to go through without being punctured. Jah put his whole fist through the lid the other day. Seth: “You fisted a venti coffee.”
6:50 – Starbucks release piadinis – sausage, egg, cheddar and portabello mushroom with spinach and feta cheese - $3.25. Piadini is Italian flatbread that is square-shaped, chewy and soft
12:16 – Phillip Seton, 61, of Louisville, Ky., went in to get a circumcision, but the doctor found cancerous cells in the penile area and removed the man’s entire penis. In West Virginia last week, a man’s ass was stapled shut and he couldn’t take a dump for 17 days. He’s suing his doctor
19:33 – Chris Martin of Coldplay: “I have nothing but respect for Nickelback. They take a lot of flak from people who have never done fuck-all in their life. And I think they’re great. And that’s my final word.”
23:21 – Ave Maria University in Naples, Fla., is the first Roman Catholic university established in the U.S. in 40 years, founded by the founder of Domino’s Pizza. They recently canned the school’s basketball coach for using profanity during a scrimmage.
24:46 – Comedian Sandra Bernhardt was cut as the headliner from an annual benefit for Boston’s women’s shelter, because during a recent standup performance she claimed that Sarah Palin would get “gangraped by big black brothers” if she ever visited New York City
28:32 – Ed MacMahon is going to star in online rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com. Seth states that we are now in a Rappin’ Granny Renaissance
29:47 – The National Federation of the Blind is protesting the new movie Blindness, saying it reinforces negative stereotypes about blind people. Jah says the thing he hates the most about blind people is that they always protest stuff
33:11 – Black Dog Syndrome – black dogs are the last dogs to be adopted and they can’t find enough homes for black dogs. (Jah has 2 black rescued dogs) Jah says this is because the dog’s eyes blend in with their fur and buyers can’t get a read on the animal and feel like they can’t trust or connect with the dogs. This is spot-on to Seth’s research about it.
36:28 – Oregon Public Schools have almost systematically eliminated all dodgeball and kickball from all gym classes. They have replaced them with cup stacking or geochaching – mini treasure hunt that relies on the knowledge of navigation tools
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
44:46 – Larry Flynt just shot a porn using a Sarah Palin look-alike. He put out a Craig’s List ad and offered $3,000 for the shoot. Seth asks Jah to think of the title of the movie and Jonathan basically gets it right on the money: “Nailin’ Palin.”
45:34 – Jah says companies are now giving employees Lovesick Days – paid time after a breakup
46:25 – Bruce Springsteen will be playing at halftime of this year’s Super Bowl
49:01 – Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were seen shopping for wedding rings at a Zales in Dallas
53:24 – UNLV has a new class for students called Nightclub Management – where your final project is throwing a jam at a night club and your professor gives you a grade on how good your party is
0:36 – Seth learns from the TV that Bud Light has “Drinkability.”
1:15 – More people are eating meals at home and the sudden rush has seen a jump in cookbook sales and people watching cooking TV shows
1:56 – Campbell’s Soup is doing fantastic right now, stock is rising
6:32 – It’s rumored there might be a fifth Indiana Jones
9:22 – Gmail has a new feature called “Mail Goggles” which keeps you from sending drunk e-mails. Before hitting send you must answer 5 math questions, and you can change the difficulty of the questions beforehand
14:26 – Seth ponders the validity of American Apparel being listed as the largest clothing manufacturer in the U.S., as listed in Wikipedia
16:34 – Nevada authorities have seized the records of a group called ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), a group that works to register low-income people to vote. The entire starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys was registered to vote online in Nevada among a slew of other forged names and addresses
17:50 – The Neiman Marcus 2008 Christmas catalog that allows elaborate gifts for the wealthy – you can have Jack Nicklaus design a golf course for you for $1 million, have an artist do lifesize statues of you made out of Legos or buy the Cowboys’ end zone for $500,000 and have it stuck in your backyard
24:51 – Chicago Public Schools will open a new high school next year specifically geared for the LGBT community
28:05 – In the wake of Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli, Seth and Jah joke about the fact that it was really Seth Romatelli in the fight
35:16 – Levis is changing the design of its Dockers, which has always been an unaltered design. A trend toward a slimmer look will change that pleated “big butt” look. Seth says that 9 out of 10 American males ages 18-39 has a pair of Dockers in his closet
38:04 – Since June 17, more gay couples were married in California than in the four years since it’s been legal in Massachusetts
1:31 – Nebraska has a safe haven law that allows children to be dropped off outside of any state licensed hospital without penalty. The law states that a child of any age can be dropped off. This week a mother in Michigan drove 12 hours to Omaha and dropped off her 13-year-old son
14:14 – Virgin Galactic out of Las Cruces, N.M. will open in 2010 and charge $200,000 for a person to experience zero gravity in outer space for two hours. They just turned down a $1 million offer from a company that wanted to shoot the first space porn. Seth ponders if anyone has had sex in zero gravity
15:39 – A study will be presented next week at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting, that when performing CPR, the perfect rhythm is 100 compressions per minute – or the 1970s hit “Stayin’ Alive” by the Beegees, which is 103 bpm
16:47 – 1200 sex offenders in Maryland have begun receiving paper signs in their mail that read NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE over a pumpkin on the sign. They must turn off all their lights and post this sign on their door or they face parole violation
21:24 – A trail of emotional damage is being left by American women’s flirtation with same-sex affairs – fauxmosexuals. They’re causing damage to true lesbians, who will be left with the damage once the fad goes out of style. Celesbians, celebrity lesbians, are contributing to the mass paranoia
23:55 – A study in the Journal of Fish Biology has scientists confirming the second case of a virgin birth in a shark. DNA testing showed there was no genetic material from a male nor any male sharks at the aquarium
27:50 – Researchers at Rutgers University did a study on freshmen college girls. The “Freshman 15” is a myth – it’s actually the “Freshman 7”
31:18 – Connecticut legalizes gay marriage
33:46 – Phish announces they’re getting back together with reunion shows March 6-8
54:51 – Companies are stealing photos off of people’s Flickr pages and using them in ads and print jobs
2:47 – John McCain during a rally in N.H.: “…rates were cunt in the Bush years.”
4:42 – Quote from David Sedaris: “I look at these people and I can’t quite believe they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and eventually parks it beside my seat. ‘Can I interest you in the chicken,’ she asks, ‘Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?’ To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask, ‘How is the chicken cooked?’”
16:29 – McCain’s campaign has used quite a few songs during rallies and speeches, and several artists have written letters because the songs have been used without permission: Bon Jovi’s “Who Says You Can’t Go Home”; Jackson Browne’s “Runnin’ On Empty” ; Foo Fighters “My Hero”; Van Halen “Right Now”; John Mellencamp “Pink Houses”; and Heart “Barracuda.”
20:29 – Miller Coors LLC has announced they will discontinue production of the original alco-pop, Zima. They claim there is enough to last through Christmas of 2008. It was released in 1993 in the “Clear Craze” of Crystal Clear Pepsi and Tab Clear. Reached its peak in 1994, and in 1995 they debuted Zima Gold for men
23:08 – New trend – STDE-cards, e-cards that inform people you’ve recently tested positive for an STD, and warning the recipients to get tested
25:27 – Seth warns us that there’s been sightings in the Chicago area of a man dressed as a clown trying to talk to children. Clowns don’t bother Jah like they do most people
31:12 – Barack Obama tells people in Philly that although he’s a White Sox fan he’ll root for the Phillies now that the Sox lost. In Tampa, Obama says he’s showing love to the Rays. Seth says he takes that sports team reference stuff seriously
33:14 – WMVN 101.1 FM in St. Louis switched to an all-Christmas format through the rest of the year beginning last week (mid-October)
38:10 – The Nebraska governor and lawmakers finally narrowed the broad law of abandoning children – it now only applies to babies up to 3 days old
38:57 – Gmail has canned responses that saves text and lets you send e-mails with predetermined content
45:28 – In an effort to get people to stop eating fish, PETA has called a new publicity campaign calling fish “sea kittens.”
50:17 – The city of Peabody, Mass., issued a new contract for the Peabody Police Department, giving holiday pay for any officer who works on September 11
56:16 – Clint Malarchuk – former NHL goalie best known for having jugular vein slashed by a skate and almost killed in a 1989 hockey game, is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the face with a rifle
5:54 – Nebraska has agreed to change their safe haven law for kids to be dropped off, but changing the law takes time. Before the law gets changed, two more teens have been dropped off. A mother drove 16 hours from Georgia to drop off her 12-year-old, and a 15-year-old Nebraska girl was left as well. There was also a father who dropped off nine children.
11:11 – A 56-year-old woman in Ohio had triplets this week. Because of complications, she had them by C-section. The embryos were implanted into her uterus by en vitro fertilization. Those embryos belong to her daughter and son-in-law, so she had her own grandchildren
15:17 – In these oh-so tough economic times, there’s been a sharp rise in sperm donations by men and egg donations by women. Ads have come out saying DON’T WASTE YOUR SPERM. DONATE NOW.
19:02 – Sarah Palin in Erie, PA: “I am thrilled to be here in the home state of the world champion Philadelphia Phillies.” She was then booed by the entire audience because Erie is in Western Pennsylvania, where the Pirates are king.
23:23 – A study published in the Journal of Science said that people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. People holding a cup of iced coffee had the complete opposite effect.
24:12 – A Denton TX man was arrested in a large department store for stealing a tube of male enhancement cream/numbing agent. He was followed into a bathroom stall, where he applied the cream. He then walked into the toy section of the store and pulled out his penis in front of a girl who was by the Barbie dolls.
29:02 – Beverly Hills Chihuahua, now in its fourth week of release, has made more money than the Ed Norton/Colin Farrell movie “Pride and Glory”
30:54 – Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting on Extra, and got mad at the interviewer when he started laughing at him
41:32 – Pepsi’s new 20-oz plastic bottles have new extra wrinkly plastic and a reconfigured logo to look more like the Obama logo, and Mountain Dew is just called mtn dew on the bottle
48:37 – Up for sale on eBay is “Lucky rain” collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia in a pan on a man’s front porch, on the night of their World Series-clinching win. You can buy it now for $8.99.
51:01 – John McCain’s brother, Joe, called 911 the other day on his way home, saying this: “Do you know why on one side, at the damn drawbridge at 95, traffic is stopped for 15 minutes, and yet traffic is coming the other way?” Operator: “Sir, are you calling to complain about traffic?” Joe McCain: “Fuck you.”
8:04 – Courtenay Semel, former Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel’s daughter, had an altercation with a security guard at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. When the guard tried to detain her she said, “Do you even know who I am? Google me, you dumb fuck!”
10:34 – Miami had its first murder-free month (October 2008) in over 42 years
16:34 – A family in Minnesota took their 7-year-old son (ghoulish skateboarder) and 9-year-old daughter (witch) trick-or-treating. They got home and the kids were dumping out their candy, and they found a brown paper bag with $85 in cash and 2.2 grams of meth in the boy’s bag
19:05 – Every 18 seconds an elderly person 65 or older ends up in an emergency room because of a fall. Every 35 minutes, an elderly person 65 or older dies from complications from a fall
21:57 – Don Doan, 62, a church deacon, bowled for the same team in the Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna, Michigan, for 32 years. Minutes after bowling his first perfect game of his life, during his enthusiastic high-fiving of his teammates, he died of a heart attack.
40:24 – The color for 2009 is mimosa, according to Seth
43:38 – Newark, N.J. mayor Corey Booker: “I want to celebrate all of America: its richness, its diversity, its deliciousness. I want to luxuriate the racial deliciousness of our country.”
44:38 – Seth and Jah bring up New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin’s crazy 2006 quote about how to make a “Chocolate City.” (Episode 016, 7:25)
45:30 – A 15-year-old girl was dropped off at an Omaha, Nebraska hospital this week, bringing the total number of kids dropped off to 27.
4:59 – The University of Oxford has released the 10 most irritating expressions in the English language: 10) It’s not rocket science; 9) 24/7; 8) Shouldn’tve; 7) It’s a nightmare; 6) Absolutely (Seth says this is kind of like when Jah says “Smokin!”; 5) With all due respect (Jah: “Shneer, with all due respect…”); 4) At this moment in time; 3) I personally; 2) Fairly unique; 1) At the end of the day
12:31 – Michael Jackson signed over control of the Neverland Ranch to some sort of holdings company, LLC. Over the years, thousands and thousands of kids have visted the ranch. Jackson: “Once you come in the gates, the outside world does not exist.”
13:57 – Texas Longhorns center Buck Burnette was dropped from his team for posting the following quote on his Facebook page: ALL THE HUNTERS GATHER UP. WE HAVE A NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
14:51 – The Sapulpa Daily Herald (Okla.) did not report anywhere in the paper that Barack Obama had been elected the day after the November election. It did, however, have a paragraph mentioning that everyone in the county voted for McCain
16:17 – A female from Oklahoma was brought down to Louisiana for a KKK rally, and when she said she didn’t want to be there anymore they killed her and dumped the body
18:24 – Secret Service code names for the presidential family-elect: Barack Obama – Renegade; Michelle Obama – Renaissance; Sasha Obama – Rosebud; Malia Obama – Radiance; Joe Biden – Celtic; Jill Biden – Capri
22:29 – Lindsay Lohan to Access Hollywood this week: “It’s an amazing feeling. It’s our, you know, first … “colored” president.”
23:30 – Hewlett Packard has pulled their new ad campaign for the Touchsmart computer because it uses the song “Do You Want To Touch Me?”, a song performed by Joan Jett but written by Gary Glitter, who served two years in a Vietnamese prison for touching boys
24:40 – Toyota has been using Fixx’s “Saved By Zero” in its commercials, which is getting hammered all over the blogosphere, etc.
32:30 – Nebraska has seen its 30th child left by a parent – a 17-year-old boy. An 18-year-old girl was also dropped off, but because of her age she was placed in a homeless shelter
45:46 – Journal of Applied Animal Behavior Science reports that female koala bears in captivity repeatedly turn away male koala bear suitors to engage in huge lesbian orgies. The rates are five times greater than those that occur in the wild
48:25 – Anthony Michaels is suing Classmates.com, founded in 1995, for fraud, because the website told him that former school pals were trying to contact him. He paid an extra $15 to upgrade to the gold membership, only to find that no one was trying to contact him. The website lied to him.
50:32 – Another casualty of the economic crisis is downsized office Christmas parties, because companies either don’t have money or are pretending not to have money – cheaper locations, less catering, no open bar, etc.
51:57 – The Texas Attorney General has filed a lawsuit against Darque Tan because they claim their tanning beds help fight cancer b/c the beds use Vitamin D which decrease cancer risks
54:36 – There’s a gun run going on in this country across many southern states. Gun buyers are stocking up on assault rifles and handguns, and sales are the highest they’ve ever been since 9/11. Many are worried that Obama will impose a ban on these guns like Clinton did before Bush. Many people have told stores they are preparing to defend themselves in preparation of a race war
11:23 – Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, weighed in on the California gay marriage issue: “God came to earth and saw people just sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever and just cleared it all out. He was like, ‘Enough!’”
23:02 – Nebraska lawmakers have given preliminary approval to a new 30-day age limit for children to be legally abandoned under the state’s safe haven law, bringing the total tally to 34 kids total
32:47 – TiVo and Domino’s have launched a new service this week – TiVo’ing your pizza order and then half an hour later hearing your doorbell ring
37:38 – Huntington, W. Va., is America’s fattest and unhealthiest city. It also holds the title of worst dental hygience, with half of the citizens over 65 having already lost their teeth. The healthiest city in America is Burlington, VT
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
43:40 – 38-year-old Robert Melia Jr., a cop in Moorestown, N.J., was suspended from the force after being charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Police turned up several homemade porn tapes of Robert in various sex acts with cows
46:09 – A suburban Philadelphia landlord secretly videotaped 34 female tenants over the course of two decades. Thomas Daley had installed cameras in seven apartments that he rented to women and their female roommates
49:53 – Patricia Villamarin has been paid $15 per hour to take care of kids in the Hancock Park and Larchmont areas of Los Angeles ; however she was dumping them in an unlicensed daycare in a Hollywood apartment for $5 a kid, pocketing $10 an hour and driving down to Chinatown to work her 9-5 job of selling produce. Some of the parents got wise to what was going on and the nanny got busted
1:00 – A mailman in N.C., 58-year-old Steven Padgett, was given probation this week in federal court after having been found out that he had hid seven years worth of junk mail in his home instead of delivering it. He felt overwhelmed by the mail and hid it in and around his house, in his garage and even buried some. Not one customer complained to the USPS in seven years. Seth claims that junk mail is the only thing keeping the USPS alive
9:54 – The National Sleep Foundation found that the typical American gets 6 hours and 40 minutes of sleep each night. Nielsen reports that US television use is at an all-time high – being on at the house an average of 8 hours and 18 minutes per day
12:16 – This Friday, Dec. 5, will mark the 75th anniversary of the end of Prohibition. To celebrate this, Jonathan says he is going to watch The Untouchables.
13:17 – In order to calm his nerves and not put too much pressure on himself, Paul McCartney has given himself an alter-ego while recording his upcoming album, Electric Arguments. He now goes up to the mic as “Gladys Jenkins.”
15:34 – New Orleans has been awarded the most crime-ridden city in the United States
16:20 – According to the Journal of Biological Psychology, brain scans of teens with a history of bullying suggest they get pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain. Areas of the brain linked to reward became active when bullying
18:36 – There’s a guy who appears in the book “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” from the website, and is now suing because he is suffering a lot of public shame and humiliation because he has been labeled as such
21:32 – A man died of a heart attack inside The Pussycat Theater (a gay movie theater) and in the obit it said he was survived by his wife and three children
28:50 – A Swedish hip-hop artist and songwriter has been arrested for a road rage confrontation on a Hollywood street that left a pedestrian dead. David Moses Jassy, a 34-year-old musician also known as Dave Monopoly, was arraigned. A 55-year-old local jazz musician, John Osnes, slapped Jasse’s SUV when it crept into his crosswalk. Jassy then got out of his car, punched Osnes in the face and kicked him in the head. When Osnes bent over to pick up his glasses, Jassy broke free of people trying to restrain him, got back behind the wheel of the SUV and ran over Osnes – a pedestrian rights activist
33:44 – WATCH – The World Against Toys Causing Harm, a watchdog group has warned parents in the US to look out for the Michaelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nunchucks ($9.99 at Target) because they can cause blunt impact injury
38:12 – In order to cover all the costs incurred during a typical school year, a high school in San Diego has allowed local businesses to advertise and run ads on the students’ tests. A recent calculus test had a banner on the top and bottom of the page that said BRACE YORUSELF FOR A GREAT SEMESTER – BRACES BY HENRY, STEVEN P. HENRY, D.MD
43:11 – A football game on Thursday that has been shot in 3D will be shown in three movie theaters in LA, New York and Boston – which you have to be invited to come. Guests will include big wigs from NFL sponsors and electronics companies to watch the Raiders vs. Chargers
45:01 – Seth talks about his friend, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who went to see the movie Role Models and saw a homeless man outside the theater, then bought him a ticket to the movie and gave him some extra spending cash. The homeless man, named “Doc,” went into the theater and sat by Romo and watched the movie together.
47:32 – Brad Pitt was stopped by security for entering the premiere of his own movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
50:33 – In Culver City, there’s a green eco battle going on between two neighbors – one has put solar panels all over his roof, and the other has surrounded his property in trees to block the sun and conserve energy, except the solar panels aren’t working because of the shade
51:55 – Stainless steel netting costing up to $50 million will be placed beneath the Golden Gate bridge to catch would-be suicide jumpers. 2,000 people have jumped from the bridge since it opened in 1937. Through October, 19 people have jumped in 2008
4:50 – Video stores and libraries have been getting Netflix accounts, putting the movies into blank cases and then re-renting them to customers
7:31 – NBC reports that 8 of the 65 30-second spots available for Super Bowl XLII are available. Jonathan pleads to the listeners to pony up a little bit of cash per person to raise $3 million for a 30-second spot advertising UYD
16:46 – 9-year-old Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet for his school’s book fair. It has been picked up by a publishing house and turned into a 49-page book available in book stores. It’s called “How To Talk To Girls.” In the book he talks about combing hair, not showing off and going easy on the compliments. He also says pretty girls are like cars because they need a lot of oil.
22:44 – 2008 Top 10 most searched terms on Yahoo!: 10) American Idol, 9) Angelina Jolie, 8) Lindsay Lohan, 7) Naruto (Japanese cartoon), 6) Jessica Alba, 5) Runescape (online game), 4) Mylie Cyrus, 3) WWE, 2) Barack Obama, 1) Britney Spears
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them threw their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
34:35 – Michael Phelps was on 60 Minutes and it took everything Anderson Cooper had not to start making out with him. They go to a swimming pool and Cooper takes his shirt off and tries to swim against him
39:39 – A Rastafarian, Bobby Brown, is suing the Jiffy Lube he works in in Massachusetts because they threatened to fire him if he doesn’t shave and cut his hair. They said they’d make him work in the bay below the cars if he didn’t.
49:35 – Crocs has won its lawsuit against Skechers, forcing them to stop making their plastic cog footwear. Seth: Are those new Crocs? They’re Skechers! Jah wishes we could see Seth’s body language right now
50:53 – 10 hours after a motorist reported striking a black bear in Lake Tahoe, the CHP reported that the bear’s gall bladder had been surgically removed, its groin area was shaved and a surgical glove was found next to the carcass. The gall bladder can sell for thousands of dollars on the black market in Asia as an aphrodesiac. Jah suspects that the person doing this is listening to a police scanner, getting there before the cops and taking care of it — or, a person runs over a bear, removes its gall bladder and calls it in afterwards
55:28 – A 31-year-old man in Nebraska was arrested because he met a “15-year-old girl” (cop) in a park for sex. He’s appealing with his lawyer on the grounds that the police used entrapment because the officer used emoticons during their online dialogue. Then when he tried to end the chat she blew him a kiss with an emoticon
56:48 – On Black Friday a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by crazy shoppers
1:00:05 – Bryan Russell, 31, of Maine, led police on a short car chase from the town he lives in to the neighboring town. He pulled over when he got to the county line and was like “What’s up fruits?!” The cops still arrested him as he apparently thought it was Dukes of Hazzard times.
0:40 – The Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience at UC-Berkeley fitted 9- and 10-year-olds with an egg cap that had electrodes on it to measure the electrical activity in their brains. Half the kids were from rich families, the other half were from poor families. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain critical to problem solving and creativity, showed vast differences. The poor kids’ brains were psychologically similar to someone with brain damage. Attributed to these kids were reading less, and having less social activity
3:38 – McDonald’s has unveiled a billboard campaign in Seattle that will roll out across the country: FOUR BUCKS IS DUMB. NOW SERVING ESPRESSO AT MCDONALD’S and LARGE IS THE NEW GRANDE. ONLY AT MCDONALD’S
5:26 – Top baby names of 2008 (a cross-section) – Girls: #1 – Emma, #15 – Riley, #22 – McKayla, #48 – Savannah, #71 – Cadence, #86 - McKenna. Boys: #1 – Aidan. #15 – Gavin, #18 – Caleb, #53 – Tristan, #95 – Bryce, #99 – Micah
8:05 – The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has banned smiling in driver’s license photos, because authorities say it will hamper facial recognition technology.
9:56 – Because the earth is slowing in its daily rotation, an international consortium of timekeepers have decided to add an extra second to the world’s atomic clocks. It will be added on Dec. 31 between 6:59:59 and 7:00:00, EST
18:24 – There have been 0 bids for the baby pics of Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz’s kid, Bronx Mogley. Pete Wentz this week: “Ashley is the kind of person that understands me in a way that other human beings don’t understand each other. She’s a lottery ticket.”
24:44 – Hot new trend: cosmetic surgery for the deceased
29:13 – Fox Sports has issued a public apology after their live NFL broadcast this Sunday. They were in the Minnesota Vikings’ locker room after their victory and a camera caught TE Visanthe Shiancoe’s dong by his locker. When told by a reporter that the clip was on YouTube, Shiancoe said, “How did it look?”
40:52 – Scientists have concluded that due to the overwhelming presence of chemicals in our environment, the male gender is in danger. Research has shown that chemicals have feminized males in every class of vertebrate animals from fish to people – baby boys born to women exposed to common household chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminized genitals. More than 1,000 new gender-bender chemicals have been introduced to the world in recent years
44:32 – A report back about the football game being shown in 3D (Episdoe 143, 43:11) was that it was “quite exciting.” You could see holes being opened up for running backs to run through, etc. During NBA All-Star Saturday Night (dunk contest, 3-point contest), that will be shot in 3D HD and shown in 80 movie theaters. Jah says Laura Darlington will get up on that. Jah saw the 3D television that was at the movie theater in the marina. He said it works, although it is a bizarre experience looking at what appears to be a 3D image without glasses. He says if you’re not in the optimum viewing area it could possibly give you a bad headache
55:01 – A man got a fraudulent parking ticket in NYC for $115, and he spent $7,500 to fight it because he “had nothing else to do.”
1:35 – ESPN asks 50 Cent about an alleged fight that he got into with Floyd Mayweather Jr. Mayweather hit 50 in the back of the head. Supposedly he tried to tell 50 what to do and 50 snatched him up and Mayweather him him. The fight was over Mayweather saying 50 was going to be at his WWE match. 50: “I was like if you’re really getting $20 million for this then give me some money. He was sitting there with $1 million in cash in a bag and he kept telling me he was going to get me money for appearing but I was like ‘No give me some of that money right there.’ He had $1 million physically right in front of me so why should I have to wait to get paid? He wasn’t with it so that’s how it all started.”
3:35 – Churches across the country are taking nativity scenes seriously this year, putting hidden cameras and GPS trackers inside baby Jesus to keep them from being stolen, etc.
7:45 – A hot new trend this week is loved ones being buried with their cell phones. Funeral homes report people being buried with iPhones and Blackberrys, while one woman paid her deceased husband’s cell phone bill each month and would call him occasionally and leave him a voicemail. Seth would like to be buried with his boombox
17:21 – The top grossing movie in the U.K. is now Mamma Mia!, which has made $106 million compared to Titanic’s $105 million
25:53 – Researchers have created what they are calling a “time-bending drug” that helps people deal with jet lag. It resets the body’s natural circadian rhythms and restores a natural ebb and flow to one’s sleep. It has melatonin bases that allow the user to get to sleep quicker and sleep deeper in their new time zone
27:38 – American Idol is claiming they’re going to cut down on their episodes in the beginning that feature “aspirational singers”
29:31 – 26th annual AVN Adult Movie Awards will be held on Jan. 10, 2009 at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. The cheapest ticket is $107. Hosted by Jenna Haze and Bella Donna.
38:31 – The Journal of Sleep Medicine is reporting on an alarming new trend of “z-mailing,” or people sending e-mails while sleeping
41:28 – A new study says that romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about relationships and ultimately make it harder to find a mate and leave people less satisfied with their love life
57:39 – A man was arrested in Grapevine TX for impersonating a police officer. He had mimicked the car quite well, but for his badge he used a Chipotle gift card and had Sharpied out his name and written POLICE
1:00:00 – In Holland Township, Pa., 35-year-old Heath Campbell is quite upset with his local supermarket because they’ve refused to make birthday cakes for his 3-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter – they wouldn’t spell out the two children’s names: Adolf Hitler Campbell and Jocelyn Aryan Nation Campbell
4:26 – Alaskan state troopers have arrested Sherri Johnston, 42, after an undercover narcotics investigation. She is the mother of 18-year-old Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter, Bristol. She’s charged with 6 felony counts involving a controlled substance, the prescription painkiller oxycontin
5:42 – The U.S. military’s general order #1 – no alcohol anywhere for soldiers in Iraq – is being lifted for Super Bowl XLIII. On Sunday, Feb. 1, soldiers will be allowed to drink two beers each in the dining hall while watching the game. Jah thinks if they chugged them they could get a solid buzz going
10:37 – A commentary in the Journal Nature argued for the use of drugs such as Ritalin in healthy adults as a legitimate way of improving brain power
12:23 – A Chuck-E-Cheese in Maryland this week, a 4-year-old in his birthday party was playing in the plastic maze of tubes called skytubes. The kid’s father saw his child playing with a condom, while another father saw the boy blowing up what he thought was a balloon. Chuck-E-Cheese representatives claimed that the condom was unused
13:41 – The human nose contains erectile tissue, and Seth read something about people sneezing when they’re aroused
23:02 – PETA picked its Person of the Year, none other than Oprah Winfrey. Seth wonders if UYD could ever win an award from PETA, but Jah says it’s an improbability because they’ve been talking shit about PETA for 2 years because their game is so wack. Seth has been a vegetarian for 6 years and Jah has been one for 11 or 12
24:23 – 18-year-old Uriel Oliva of Anaheim, California was ordered by a judge not to associate with members of his street gang as part of his probation. A police officer assisting on the probation check at Oliva’s home found a photo of him and 2 of his other gang member friends sitting with Santa Claus in a picture taken at the local shopping mall. All 3 are throwing up their gang signs in the photo. Uriel is now on trial facing 3 years in state prison
37:24 – Just before Halloween, JVC – the company that introduced the Video Home System (VHS) format in 1977 – announced it would no longer make stand-alone VCRs. They were the last manufacturer to let them go. The last major Hollywood release on VHS was A History of Violence (2006).
42:03 – A 92-year-old woman bought a scratcher ticket at a supermarket in Queens, NY this week, scratched it and threw it away. The 24-year-old clerk, son of the market’s owner, checked the ticket, saw it was a winner then scratched the rest of the numbers off. Prizes totaled $1 million. The 24-year-old found the woman and gave her back the ticket because he’s the best dude ever. To show her gratitude for this, each of the woman’s 7 children gave him $100 gift cards
48:55 – Students from a high school in Montgomery County, Md. Created a game called “Speed Camera Pimping,” when the kids would take glossy photo paper, duplicate people’s license plates using the same font and colors to mimick a Maryland plate, then tape the fake licenses over their plates, exchanging vehicles among them that were similar to the victims’ vehicles. They would then purposely speed through intersections that had a red light traffic camera, and the next week the victims would receive a citation in the mail worth $300
54:06 – In Mansfield, TX, 66-year-old school bus driver William Allen was arrested for pulling a knife on 3 6-year-old girls. He threatened to cut their wrists after they left cookie crumbs on their bus seats
54:52 – A man in Buffalo, Benedict Harkins, sued a supermarket saying he tripped and fell on a rug in the store, except a surveillance camera showed him looking around, then rolling up the rug and then yelling like he got hurt
56:38 – Dude was running from the cops in a stolen car the middle of the night, he jumps out of it, runs it into a snowbank, then runs into a police station and they jack him up
3:37 – Things/laws that haven’t changed in 2009: In West Virginia, anyone who taunts someone who decides to not participate in a duel is guilty of a misdemeanor and can be fined up to $100; In Alabama, anyone who performs a marriage is entitled to $2
4:31 – Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had their baby boy, Trip. He joins his aunts and uncles, Track (19), Willow (14), Piper (7) and Trig (7 months)
13:57 – Hot new job for 2009: Death midwives. An alternative to traditional funeral services (can cost up to $10,000), for a fee of $1,500, a midwife guides the family through the legalities of losing a loved one, paperwork, death certificates, body transport permits, while being there emotionally for the family and to help ease the person into the next world. The midwife is versed in light makeup and usually brings cardboard caskets for a backyard burial and brings dry ice to allow for extended home viewing
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
23:26 – The average of a first-time mom in the United States is 25.2 years old
27:29 – Thomas Infante walked into a Chicago bank and handed the teller a note that read BE QUICK, BE QUIT. GIVE YOUR CASH OR I’LL SHOOT. The teller gave the man $400; the man ran out and left the note. The note was written on a torn half of his work paystub. On the stub was his full name and home address. The FBI then drove to his house, rang his doorbell and he answered
29:39 – It’s the height of the cruise season, and Seth informs us that 20 people go overboard every year while taking cruises
53:07 – The newest app for the iPhone is “I Am A Man,” costing $1.99, which helps you keep track of your girl’s menstrual cycle and plan your calendar around it, etc.
53:57 – Current U.S. population is 305,529,237. In the month of January, 1 birth is expected to occur every 8 seconds and a death to occur every 12 seconds
1:03:02 – There have been some aggressive anti-panhandling measures taken against homeless people in urban areas of the country
1:06 – New way of reaching out to your favorite celebrities, LiveAutographs.com is a personalized celebrity experience. You tell your favorite celebrity what you want them to say and sign, get a personalized video message and authentic autographed memorabilia. Some of the available celebs: Mario Lopez, NKOTB, Cindy Margolis, Hulk Hogan, Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Danica Patrick (Jah: “Who is that?”). Price starts at $150
7:25 – A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck, ND, called 911 on New Year’s Eve. She reported herself driving under the influence. When police arrived at the scene, the girl was on the side of the road, crying, with her keys in her purse, failed a sobriety test, and was arrested. She told police her life had been spiraling out of control and that she had spent the majority of the time drinking over the past two weeks.
11:41 – Facial recognition software has been created that can take a photo and then compare it to millions of other mug shots in the database and find perfect matches. Software is entitled “MorphoFace”
26:18 – In Jackson, Ohio, a 4-year-old was so angry at his babysitter after the babysitter stepped on his foot that he went and grabbed a shotgun from the closet and shot him
26:54 – Virginia 6-year-old missed his school bus and was bummed, but didn’t want to miss first grade breakfast or gym class, so he took the keys to his mom’s 1995 Ford Taurus, driving 10 miles while weaving in and out of traffic, reaching speeds up to 60 mph until ultimately he slammed into a utility pole. He then left the car on the side of the road and walked the rest of the way to school. He later told police he learned how to drive by playing the game Grand Theft Auto
30:23 – The FBI is warning all Americans about a “cybergeddon” – a mass coordinated cyber attack that would cripple the US by interfering with our very infrastructures that dictate our day-to-day lives
40:27 – Survey of US companies’ HR directors from a cross-section of different industries all around the country found that the #1 complaint of HR directors is internet porn in the workplace
57:25 – In keeping with death midwives (Episode 148, 13:57), people are putting their future grave plots up for sale and putting non-family members in them
58:25 – According to Global Language Monitor, an Austin-based company, the English language is roughly 1,227 words away from reaching 1 million. According to their estimations we should get their around April 29 of 2009
1:01:34 – According to the website Blue Donut, you can determine the age of your vehicle in people years. The formulaic equation for calculating this is taking the milage on your car and dividing it by the model year. Jah can’t seem to correctly divide 60,000 by 2003 to get 29.95 years (he comes up with 2,003)
1:05:08 – Lisa Bonet and her boyfriend Jason Momoa of Stargate: Atlantis had a baby and named it Nakoa Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
2:07 – AshleyMadison.com, the dating website for married people (“Life is short. Have an affair.” – Episode 102, 53:13), will not be allowed to have an ad during the Super Bowl next month. They’ve been turned down. Which leaves room for an Uhh Yeah Dude spot
6:16 – New trend for young parents. Chicken pox parties: parents organize afternoon parties and sleepovers where several kids contract the pox from one kid who is infected with the virus, and they all get it and can organize taking time off work, etc.
12:48 – In a small town in California called Monterey County (a farming town), police have arrested a migrant worker, Marcelino de Jesus Martinez, 36, from rural Juahaca, Mexico. They arrested him after he contacted them to complain about a broken agreement. He had agreed to marry off his 14-year-old daughter to an 18-year-old groom. For this he would receive in exchange $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat. The groom failed to come up with the entire dowery and Martinez went to the cops to complain
15:43 – The classic 1970s book, “The Joy of Sex,” has gotten a modern makeover for the new edition. The men and women featured in photos of the book will have decidedly less hair than their older counterparts. The chapter of sex on horseback will be taken out, as will references to black women as negresses. It will also contain a chapter fully devoted to phone sex. Jah remembers going through that book a couple of times
21:03 – A lawyer for the Swedish hip-hop artist who killed a pedestrian in Hollywood (Episode 143, 28:50) has invoked the movie Crash in court to ask for a reduction of his client’s $1 million bail. He says “The fatal encounter in a Hollywood crosswalk is a prime example of the Academy Award-winning film’s thesis that random interactions of diverse people in a city as frenetic as Los Angeles can lead to disastrous consequences.”
24:43 – One out of every 100 Americans is currently being stalked. Definition of stalk: Two separate occasions by the same person of unwanted contact more than once in a week
30:38 – Chrysler is going to stop producing the PT Cruiser this summer. Seth is angered by this because sometimes all he wants to do is go in his PT Cruiser, get a frozen yogurt, pick up a Laserdisc and go home. Jah: “I loved Laserdiscs. I was so down with them.”
32:26 – A 13-year-old girl in California named Reina Hardesty got a 440-page statement from AT&T this month detailing the 14,528 text messages she had sent last month – on average 484 texts a day. Her father pays $30 a month for unlimited texting in her cellular plan
35:44 – Tuesday’s presidential inaugural celebration for Barack Obama from the Lincoln Memorial will be presented exclusively by HBO. The celebration will feature musical acts Bono, Garth Brooks, Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, James Taylor and Stevie Wonder. The evening will also include readings of historical passages by Jamie Foxx
38:36 – A lottery in Anchorage, Alaska, that has been designed to benefit the state’s sex abuse victims, reached $500,000. It was won this week by a 3-time sex offender
50:01 – Researchers at Wake Forest University have authored a report in Chest – the Journal of American College of Chest Physicians. The report says that parents of children under age 2 should not use Vicks Vapor Rub on their sniffling, coughing, sick children. Use of the product on kids that young was found to increase mucus production and inflammation. Studies found no health benefits for people of any age
52:23 – The old Coke slogan was “The Coke Side of Life,” but the new Coke slogan is “Open Happiness.” Jah also can’t believe Pepsi jacked the Obama logo (Episode 139, 41:32)
53:23 – A married Marine gunnery sergeant was sentenced to 90 days in the brig after pleading guilty to committing adultery. Stephen Kuehler, 30, had recruited 19-year-old Pfc. Michael Patton. He attended Patton’s funeral in Missouri and then slept with his widow while he was there. Pfc. Patton was killed by a roadside bomb
8:32 – Jah reads this current event with the Batman voice: The tough economic times have brought an increase in something we’re calling cash stashers – people who hoard their money at their home instead of using a bank. Companies that sell diversion safes are reporting huge jumps in sales (Jah’s Batman voice fades out with a cough)
14:07 – After 110 years, the HJ Heinz Co. will replace the tiny green pickle that has appeared on the front of their ketchup bottles with a large vine-ripened tomato.
15:18 – Gatorade has also changed its name and logo to “G,” then there’s “G2.”
17:11 – A new study by psychologists at the University of Michigan says that living in urban environments impairs our basic mental processes. The brain is a limited machine and the overwhelming incessant stimuli of the city exhausts the brain and puts a strain on memory, concentration and calmness
22:36 – A police chief at Colorado State University has been relieved of his duties on the campus over allegations of corruption and violence. He’s a 38-year-old grad student. Sheriff’s deputies began recording Dexter Yarbrough’s lectures and off-color remarks, including “women want the dick, even when they say they don’t want the dick.”
29:39 – According to Logo Network, January is the first-ever Drag History Month.
31:05 – Police across the country are reporting the number of stolen cars in the past few months has dropped dramatically. In these tough economic times, it seems people don’t even have enough money to buy a stolen cars
45:44 – The Sixth Annual Lingerie Bowl is scheduled for halfime of Super Bowl XLIII, Sunday, Feb. 1, 2009 – if it even takes place. The hometown Tampa Breeze are embroiled in contract disputes. They are upset that the game is being played at a local nudist resort. Regardless, the inaugural season of the LBFL will kick off at the Sears Center in Chicago on Sept. 4, 2009. There are 10 teams in the league: Tampa Breeze, Seattle Mist, Dallas Desire, Miami Caliente, Chicago Bliss, San Diego Seduction, Atlanta Steam, New England Euphoria, Phoenix Scorch and the LA Temptation
48:14 – Kelli McCarty, 39, a former Miss Kansas and Miss USA 1991, starred on the soap opera Passions for seven years. She will make her XXX debut in a movie called Faithless: From Beauty Queen to Porn Queen, available Feb. 4, 2009. Her quote: “I enjoy acting and I really like sex. This was the perfect opportunity to combine two of my passions.”
53:28 – The first video game sports character to break the color barrier appeared in the Atari 800 game Basketball in 1979.
54:31 – A Michigan postal worker, Jill Hull, was discovered to have rented a storage unit to hide thousands of pieces of mail that she’s failed to deliver, including over 1,000 important first-class letters. When asked about this, she said: “I was unable to deliver all of the mail.”
56:37 – Statistics released by the U.S. Education Department say that 32 million U.S. adults cannot read. That’s 14%, or 1 in every 7 people. Seth refuses to believe this and proves that it’s wicked easy by reading the next news item:
58:29 – On Jan. 22, 1959, the Coors Brewing Co. released the nation’s very first recyclable aluminum beer can, replacing the old tin can. Seth: “It’s wicked easy. Bop-bop-bop. Spell it out.”
1:00 – Seven Jack In The Box locations in Charlotte, N.C., have tried to outsource their drive-thru order taking. A woman going through the drive-thru asked the voice, “Why do you have such a strong accent?” and the reply was “I’m in Texas.”
6:33 – New studies published in a medical journal claim that fake acupuncture needles, or acupuncture needles incorrectly inserted in places where they’re not supposed to be, work as well as proper acupuncture needles in releasing endorphins to heal the body. Seth: “I’m gonna put it in your butt and your eye, but trust me, you’re gonna release some amber, because that’s the color of your energy.”
7:43 – A 14-year-old aspiring police officer put on a uniform, walked into a Chicago police station, managed to get an assignment patrolling in a squad car for over 5 hours before he was detected. He’s a 5-foot-3 boy who’s very muscular, and he stuffed magazines under his shirt to look like a bullet-proof vest. He also knew police lingo from his obsession with police dramas. This is the third time he’s impersonated a police officer. An official claims he was discovered by missing a particular star that is part of his uniform. He did not drive a car, nor did he carry a gun or issue any tickets.
10:09 – A brand-new Harris poll lists America’s top 10 TV personalities: 10) Mark Harmon, 9) Steven Colbert (Seth: “Meshach Taylor.” – Episode 048/10:48), 8) Steve Carell, 7) Charlie Sheen, 6) John Stewart, 5) David Letterman, 4) Oprah Winfrey, 3) Ellen Degeneres, 2) House (this pisses Jah off because it’s a character, not a personality), 1) Jay Leno
25:56 – The Lingerie Bowl has been canceled, which pisses off Jah and Seth
27:30 – PETA’s ad that they were trying to get into the Super Bowl was banned. The ad had some scantily-clad women getting frisky with vegetables, saying vegetarians have better sex, while licking pumpkins, etc. Jah: “What the fuck.”
28:54 – Hackers got into the Texas Department of Transportation computer system and altered a portable roadside traffic sign in Austin to read: ZOMBIES AHEAD. RUN FOR COLD CLIMATES. THE END IS NEAR.
29:38 – A new trend for married females – mousewives. They stay at home, surf the web, and earn money by selling and reviewing items. Jah thinks the mousewife should really become a camwife and make some real money
32:41 – In these tough economic times, even the Girl Scouts are feeling the crunch. Due to the rising baking costs and rising costs of ingredients, boxes of Do-Si-Dos, Thin Mints and Tagalongs will feature fewer cookies per box. Jah likes the peanut butter ones but Seth tells him he can’t have them because now he might get salmonella. Jah tells everyone to just go to Whole Foods and then they won’t have to worry about contracting anything.
36:24 – Michael Yoe, on The Daily 10, interviewing Chris Evans: “I just did a charity event with Jessica Biel. I know you dated her. How was it dating her?” Evans looked off camera to his publicist and looked back and was like “She’s great, she’s got a great heart,” then looked back off camera like What the fuck is he asking me?
46:13 – The United States Postal Service has asked Congress about the possibility of eliminating one day of mail service – either Tuesdays or Saturdays. They lost $3 billion last year and will possibly lose $6 billion this year. Seth says that if they cut a day of his mail, he would lose his mind, because mail is something he looks forward to every day. He got a postcard today from a UYD listener.
47:23 – This week on Kanye Wests’ video blog: “I know I’ve been called the Louis Vuitton Don. I’ve changed my name to Martin Louis The King Jr. Address me as such.”
1:00:46 – Warehouses that are run by Gap, Zapos and Staples, are using autonomous robots to find, gather and deliver products from their shelves. The companies have enormous warehouses filled with their product. The robots are sent into the giant rooms, where they locate the shelving unit that contains the product, slide beneath them to pick them up, then find their own way back to human operators. They need to be recharged 5 minutes for every hour and there are over 1,000 machines now in use.
1:49 – A new research study shows that women have more nightmares than men and men dream about sex more than women
21:52 – According to research by a team at University of Pittsburgh and Harvard medical schools, the more time teenagers spend in front of the television, the more likely they will be depressed as adults
23:54 – The February issue of Archives of Pediatrics in Adolescent Medicine say teens who go out with friends are more likely to use marijuana than teens who have fewer friends
24:40 – Seth read about the woman who had the 40 kids. She’s an only child, and studies show that only children want to compensate with a grip of children. Seth told his mother to get ready because he’s going to pound them out.
25:08 – Myspace has identified and removed more than 90,000 registered sex offenders from its site in the past two years
30:03 – Consumer Reports has compiled a list of activities that Americans engage in that are dangerous. 75% of Americans still use cotton swabs. (Jah used one the other day.) 50% have no carbon monoxide detector. 61% have no bath mat in their shower
33:02 – 18-year-old gay male high school senior in Milwaukee creates a fake Facebook page as a hot teen girl named Emily, and another one named Kayla. He gets 31 dudes to send him photos of their pieces and videos of them JOing – all 15-18-year-olds. Over 300 photos collected. Emily/Kayla get in touch with the dudes and say “you gotta meet my guy friend – you either have to blow him, let him blow you or let him fuck you, or I’m going to put all these photos up everywhere.” He manages to corral 7 of these guys into this powerful plan and they get it on.
41:51 – During the Super Bowl, 80,000 viewers in Tuscon, Arizona were celebrating the late-game TD from Larry Fitzgerald, then their TVs cut to 30 seconds of porn that was telecast across the area – woman unbuttoning a dude’s pants then sticking his dick in her mouth. Comcast Cable is mortified and is offering $10 rebates to anyone who is “impacted” by the experience. The 22-year-old female in the movie’s name is Tristen Kingsley. She’s gaining popularity from this. She works exclusively for Jenna Jameson’s company. She’s from the Bay Area but she moved to SoCal for “porn and a change of pace.”
44:57 – Katie Couric interviewed Lil’ Wayne, who says “I’m a gangsta, Miss Katie.” Two minutes later in the interview they’re bowling together.
57:27 – Guy in Cleveland calls 911 and tells operators there are guys with guns watching him. 911 operator asks to stay on the phone with him, and the guy says he’s OK because he left the house, and the guy proceeds to do a drug deal while he’s on the line with 911 operators. The cops roll up and he has crack in his pockets
1:08 – A coach of a N.H. high school boys and girls swim team has been fired for some inappropriate t-shirts: ONE TREE, ONE TEAM AT A TIME (in reference to a member of the team who had crashed into a tree and went into a temporary coma); and one that read THE MASCOT IS A QUITTER (mocking a player with the last name “Mascot” who had quit the team); and he has now made a t-shirt for the girls team that reads THE WETTER, THE BETTER.
13:53 – California is set to release 57,000 inmates over the next two years because of some possible overcrowding
16:41 – This Wednesday, Koby Teeth will unveil his new line of clothing called TK Steelmen – described as “Country Sexy.” It will launch at his new bar, I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s in Las Vegas. Age demographic is between 25-54. They are covered in oilfield imagery, they contain sleeveless shirts, tight Ts, hoodies, jeans, cowboy hats, baseball hats, bandanas, belts and leather wrist straps. The line will be available at Kohl’s, Target and Wal-Mart. J-Dog wonders if he can wear only clothing made by Koby Teeth and LL Cool J. This devolves into the new name of their podcast, “Straight Talk With TK & Steelmen.”
20:30 – The price of a stamp will be rising from 42 cents to 44 cents on May 11 (Episode 012, 51:41). Seth encourages everyone to just buy $10,000 worth of Forever Stamps
22:48 – There are more reported cases of sexual assaults on the campus of UC-Davis than all other California universities combined. (Jah: “Just so you know Jogger will be playing a show at UC-Davis.”) Representatives from the school say it’s actually a very positive thing because it shows that their students are more willing and more comfortable at reporting crimes when they occur.
24:25 – Recorded message at the Kellogg’s consumer hotline this week: “If you would like to share your comments regarding our relationship with Michael Phelps, please press 1 to speak to a representative. If you’re calling about the recent peanut butter recall, please press 2 now.”
29:51 – In these tough economic times, there are things called “economic parties” or “stimulus parties,” ways of friends gathering “on the cheap.” There are “pink slip parties” where people gather together to commiserate and talk about new ways of finding jobs; and “coupon parties,” people who gather together, share coupons and savings tips with each other
36:15 – Six million people still have rabbit ears on their television in 2009. They have moved up the digital conversion day from this Tuesday because people can’t pull it together. Jah thinks it’s because the government is installing monitoring chips on every TV
39:08 – MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice will be performing together Friday, Feb. 27, 2009 at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah. Seth said he wouldn’t mind going if he hadn’t already seen Hammer and Ice perform in 1990 at the Worcester Centrum.
43:12 – Downtoearth.com is geared to those new to web-based dating services. You get to rate the truthfulness of photos and profiles. These are people who are “real.” Seth wants to know what the “25 Random Things About Me” thing on Facebook is that Jah keeps getting sent from listeners.
45:09 – Board games are also making a huge comeback because they're cheap, easy, safe entertainment. Seth is an only child so he’s never played a board game in his life. Jah can only recommend one: Balderdash.
48:10 – Seth read about people who carpooled to D.C. for inauguration parties and stayed with other people in dorms because hotels were all sold out
56:43 – The Center for Disease Control has issued a study on teen smokers – 52% prefer Marlboros, while 21% prefer Newports. However, 75% of black teens prefer Newports and 13% prefer Camels.
59:48 – Members of PETA dressed up like KKK members and stood outside of Madison Square Garden in New York, the site of the Westminster Dog Show. They held signs and shouted at onlookers that the American Kennel Club is trying to create a “master race of purebred dogs” and that purebred dogs are just “pure bloodlines being manipulated for world domination.”
1:02:56 – Coca-Cola will drop the word “Classic” from its Coke product. Classic was added in 1985 with the introduction of New Coke, which was discontinued in 2004.
0:48 – To celebrate Black History Month, Albright College in Reading, Pa. has put signs over different drinking fountains that read WHITE and COLORED ONLY to signify how far we’ve come, and it’s causing some disruption
2:56 – In these tough economic times, many people are going back to dial-up internet and canceling cable internet and DSL.
3:59 – Seth reads about a woman in the LA Times who bought a digital cable converter box but is having some trouble hooking it up to her 17-inch Toshiba
12:38 – After an 8-year hiatus, the original members of Limp Bizkit are reuniting for a tour and album. Jah does not believe him and thinks Seth is making this up.
14:43 – Jah references the woman who faked her own death and showed up at the funeral (Episode 151, 12:14), which relates to the story he read this week: A man is in jail facing extradition for this crime he had committed, and he explains that they’ve got the wrong guy and they’re mistaking him for his twin brother – the evil one. They show him his birth certificate at the trial, and he then explains that they were Siamese Twins separated at birth.
22:06 – The American Counseling Association claims there is no difference in marriage satisfaction between arranged marriages in India and couples in the U.S. who marry for love after courtship. Seth doesn’t believe that.
23:40 – Troy Brisport of Toledo Ohio was arrested this week. He took a woman against her own will, brought her to his house, handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her and stripped her of all her clothes, put a diaper on her and then read her passages from the Bible for a total of 3 days and tried unsuccessfully to suffocate her with a pillow several times. He later fell asleep and she escaped.
30:56 – Paul Davies, an acclaimed theoretical physicist and cosmologist has been traveling the country and giving lectures about a possible alien shadow life that currently lives among us
38:50 – The Georgia State Capitol is going forward with its Annual PB&J Day on March 4 despite the national recall and scare. A spokeswoman for the Georgia Peanut Production Association says “It’s about 3 hours of the most fun you can have.”
41:50 – There was a very sad passing this week of a man who has brought Seth 20 years of laughter, joy and excitement. It was an 88-year-old nuclear physicist and aerospace engineer by the name of Jack Cover – he invented the taser.
43:46 – Wired magazine had an article about odd animal mating rituals – hippos use their tails to throw their feces all over the place to convey olifactory cues about their capable reproductive help; flatworms, because they are hemaphrodites, engage in a pseudo penis jousting battle to determine the winner, and the winner gets to be the male. (UYD does the same thing before every show, which is why Guy Cunt refused to come film them anymore)
46:56 – New poll says that 1 in 5 teens has sent a nude or partially clothed image of themselves to someone either by e-mail or mobile phone. 50% of 15-19-year-olds have sent sexually suggestive texts, which imply “an expectation to hook up.”
48:00 – Erykah Badu had a child with André 3000 named Seven Sirius. She also had a child with the rapper DOC, named Puma Rose Sabti. She also just had a child with rapper Jay Electronica named Mars Merkaba.
48:38 – Charlie Sheen told Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that he will name one of his twins Bob Ma Sheen.
54:59 – They have found a cure for the common cold, supposedly.
0:41 – A company in Dallas was shot down this week called wifebeaters.com, selling wife beater tanks online. They offered a discount to anyone who could actually prove they had beaten their wife or girlfriend.
5:36 – A woman is suing Yahoo! because she typed her name, Beverly Stayart, into a search engine and when she clicked on one of the pages that came up it was a porn video clip and the other one was an ad for an erectile dysfunction drug.
7:05 – Vivid Video has offered Nadya Suleman (Octomom) $1 million and a year of free health care for her numerous kids for her Vivid celebrity outfit, which has featured Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and Kelli McCarty.
12:31 – The Today show has profiled a new exercise regime called “The Jedi Workout.” You wear full cloak, light saber, and you do a lot of jumping, squatting and mock battling. It gets the heart rate up and you have a total blast at the same time.
14:00 – GenePartner.com – DNA Dating. “Love is no coincidence.” Formula matches men and women by analyzing specific genes in their DNA. It only costs $99. It tests for biological compatibility for the “ultimate result.”
15:52 – Following Myspace’s lead of removing sex offenders from its site, Facebook has done their own internal review and removed 5,585 convicted sex offenders from their active member ranks.
24:33 – A new coffeeshop has opened in Maine called the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop – no cameras, no touching, cash only. Located on the busy Route 3, the shop had 150 applicants. They are open from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. They serve coffee and donuts – nothing else. The first couple days have seen a lot of male customers casually sipping coffee and talking. 43-year-old waitress Kris Kelly said a man left her a $100 bill as a tip. 23-year-old waitress Susie Wiley says “I love it.” They also employ male waiters for good measure.
31:36 – According to the Pugh Research Center, a cross-section of Americans were polled, asking them if they would rather live in a neighborhood with more McDonald’s or more Starbucks. 43% said more McDonald’s, 35% said more Starbucks and 22% didn’t have a preference.
39:21 – Sunday, March 8 is Daylight Savings Time. UYD reminds listeners to check batteries in smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.
40:42 – The tough economic times have led to a lot of “Boomerang Children” who are in their 30s and 40s with spouses and children moving back in with mom and dad.
43:02 – The new RNC chairman Michael Steel, a black man, said the Republican party needs a makeover to let people know they’re hip as well. He said the new campaign was going to be “off the hook.” They want to bring hip-hop to Republican party principles.
44:46 – The mayor of Los Alamitos, Calif., is responding to criticism for an e-mail he sent from his personal account to local politicians and civic leaders and business owners. Dean Grose sent an e-mail that depicts the White House lawn covered with planted watermelons. Under the title it said NO EASTER EGG HUNT THIS YEAR. Grose confirmed the e-mail to the Associated Press but said he didn’t mean to offend anyone, particularly blacks, and was unaware of the stereotype that black people like watermelons.
48:14 – A 15-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl had sex this week in Arkansas, which is a little young (but not for Jah). They did it in front of the 15-year-old’s buddy as he videotaped it, and they’ve been showing it to everyone on their cell phone.
52:14 – 48-year-old Slade Fierro makes his living as a real doll doctor who fixes them up and cleans them.
53:41 – A revolution has hit the cereal aisle. The Kellogg company is announcing a 6-month trial test in Detroit of new cereal boxes that are shorter and deeper than the traditional boxes we are all used to. It is the most significant innovation in cereal boxes since the 1950s. The tall and thin boxes don’t fit well in new kitchen cupboards.
57:35 – Finally getting to the news item he started at the 2:12 mark, Gwyneth Paltrow is responding to some negative backlash to her new lifestyle blog called “Goop.” The slogan is “Nourish the inner aspect.” She said, “I have had a lot of really useful information I was privileged enough to get because I have this amazing, super fortunate life. My friends call me all the time to say ‘Where should I go? What should I do?’”
1:02:30 – Seth talks about a dude who was on Oprah who claimed he was at a concentration camp in the Holocaust who was kept alive by a girl who brought him an apple and ended up going on a date with her 30 years later, wrote a book about the account and then it turned out he was lying the whole time.
5:01 – Jah says this show is dedicated to Scarlett Pomers, who once played the youngest daughter on Reba, but they know her from the show America’s Most Talented Kid, because she was a kid judge on it along with Bobby J. Thompson and Daryl Sabara. Pomers took a leave of absence from the WB Network series to check into a clinic for anorexia.
8:06 – Postage stamps go up on Sunday to 39 cents (Episode 012, 51:41).
8:35 – Country artist Chris Cagle had a kid with his Hooters girlfriend, then quit drinking and realized it wasn’t his kid.
14:01 – A 14-year-old kid got one of those cams for his computer and all of a sudden a man offers him $50 and a Paypal account for him to take his shirt off for 3 minutes. Four years later he’s $400,000 in because he’s fully wacking off with his mom in the other room. He has 1,500 dudes around the country paying him, one of whom has paid to put him up in a condo, where he spends the whole day doing dudes for money. An undercover New York Times reporter paid to fly him out to Vegas to “fuck” him, then confronted him about it.
15:48 – President Bush’s New Year’s resolution: “To work tirelessly toward peace and prosperity.”
22:06 – Seth talks about the Fiesta Bowl dilemma of 2006 (Notre Dame vs. Ohio State), during which Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn’s sister (who was engaged to Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk) was wearing a split jersey with half Notre Dame colors and half Ohio State colors
24:10 – Spain doesn’t allow any more indoor smoking. Greece smokes more than any other European country.
24:41 – Hurricane Katrina has displaced 2,000 sex offenders from Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi.
30:52 – Baby Boomers are buying Honda Elements and Toyota Scions, which Jonathan finds absolutely inexcusable. He test drove a Scion and was sucked in by the DJ-like culture they had when they first came out.
31:32 – Former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett was arrested for robbing two people at gunpoint in an alley in Columbus, Ohio.
32:18 – Molly Weeks has invented a mixture of ballet, Pilates and yoga for the core called “Ballecore”
32:57 – CVC Fantasy Baseball is suing MLB because MLB is claiming they own the intellectual rights to statistics. CVC is arguing that they are historical and public record once the games are over.
34:28 – Thousands of inmates in Kenya skipped lunch to send food to countrymen affected by drought. Most of Kenya’s 50,000 prisoners gave up their rations of beans and corn porridge on the day that their president declared a natural disaster and said about 2.5 million Kenyans would need famine relief in the next 6 months.
35:39 – FDA requires foods to list their trans fats on their food labels starting in 2006.
36:15 – Patrick Swayze has been experimenting with rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.
39:55 – The city of Los Angeles spent more than $88,000 on bottled water for themselves, despite pleading with the residents that the water is OK to drink.
49:01 – Jah reads off some headlines from papers on Jan. 4, 2006 that reported that the 12 miners who died in the Sago, W.V., mine accident were really alive. It was blamed on someone who was in the mine who claimed they were alive, then it got passed on to some woman at the top who relayed it to Anderson Cooper.
51:58 – NFL has canceled Levitra as a sponsor
54:10 – A Frontier Airlines passenger in San Jose who had a notebook with the words SUICIDE BOMBER on it was taken into custody on Wednesday and questioned for several hours before being released to his family.
1:00:14 – A roof in Germany was covered in too much snow and collapsed and killed 15 people.
1:00:57 – Former boxing champion Tommy Hearns was accused of striking his 13-year-old son during an argument
1:01:58 – Father and stepmother left their 5- and 9-year-old boys home alone and went to Las Vegas to have a throwdown party on New Year’s Eve. The 5-year-old was autistic and could be heard by neighbors yelling “Help me!”
1:08:30 – A 41-year-old teacher at the Buttonwillow School in California had sex with a 12-year-old
1:13:53 – Female passengers in Tokyo have requested to have separate subway cars because of the presence of chikan, as the molestors are known in Japan. In America it’s called frottage (Episode 113, 24:42).
1:15:17 – In a jealous rage, Marlon Brando Gill demanded to see his ex-girlfriend’s cell phone, and when she resisted he went berserk in a car in a Missouri parking lot. He used his hands to force open her mouth and jammed the Motorola cell phone down her throat (Episode 003, 6:58). Doctors performed a tracheotomy to save her life. Gill claimed she tried to swallow it on her own.
1:24:40 – A couple is on their honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean cruise, and blood stains are found on the balcony of their cabin all the way to the lifeboats. The wife woke up shitrocked at 4 a.m. on the other end of the boat. They put her in a wheelchair, which is protocol, and the husband is missing.
3:46 – The Iranian president claims there was no Holocaust, Israel should be wiped off the map and in a UN summit in 2005, came back to Iran and told his aides that during 28 minutes of the summit a glow of light surrounded him and all the world’s leaders did not blink. Right after that he went golfing with Kim Jong Il and had nine hole-in-ones.
5:34 – Luther from 2 Live Crew is suing 50 Cent over “In Da Club”
6:43 – The Winchester Gun Factory in Connecticut is slated to shut down. The company has been hurt by slumping firearm sales. About 19,000 people worked in the plant during World War II, and now there are less than 200.
7:49 – February 1, German police officers have been banned from sporting ponytails, stubbly beards and earrings in order to tidy up their appearance for the World Cup this summer. Seth thinks you can’t say “German police” without saying “beards or ponytails.”
8:37 – Vermont judge gives man 60 days in jail for cursing at her – the same sentence a rapist in Vermont got last week for raping a girl from the time she was 6 to age 10.
9:27 – A boy who asked to be set on fire has been hospitalized. A 13-year-old from Orange was hospitalized and his 15-year-old friend was arrested on suspicion of assault after the older teen complied with the friend’s request to be set on fire. The incident occurred about 8:30 a.m. Saturday at the victim’s home on Bourbon St. Witnesses say the 13-year-old doused his shirt with cologne and asked his friend to squirt him with lighter fluid and ignite the shirt. The boy was reported critical but stable condition at UCI.
10:40 – A 23-year-old kindergarten teacher at Westwood Charter Elementary School was stabbed to death Wednesday morning shortly after she called police to say her former boyfriend was at the door of the West Chester home she shared with her parents. Before she hung up she told police that her 24-year-old boyfriend was breaking in and she was going to hide. He came in, armed himself with a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her. Afterward he went outside, doused himself in a flammable liquid and lit himself on fire in his car. The girl had found out he had a girlfriend on the side, the 2 girls found out he was lying to both of them and they agreed to not see him again, so this was his retribution.
13:17 – Conan O’Brien looks like Finland’s first female president. His show and the president figured this out, and she mentioned it in one of her campaign ads because of his popularity over there.
14:07 – William Shatner sold his kidney stone for $20,000, and donated the money to Habitat for Humanity.
14:54 – Terry O’Neal, Steelers fan, had a heart attack when Jerome Bettis fumbled the ball in the Colts game. When he came out of the heart attack, the first thing out of his mouth was “Did we win?”
15:59 – A face transplant patient, the world’s first successful one (in France), has resumed smoking. Her face was missing because a dog ate off her face. She was unable to speak or eat. The doctors said it could interfere with her healing and raise the risk of tissue rejection. The French woman’s surgeons made their first scientific presentation on the partial face transplant, performed on Nov. 27 at a medical conference in Tuscon.
20:28 – The apparent suicide of a 38-year-old Japanese venture capitalist has added a sinister aura to the investigation into the dealings of the Takafumi Hori. The brash internet entrepreneur at the center of the drama has roiled stock markets. The body of Hideki Naguchi, a former executive with Hori’s multi-billion dollar live door company online media services empire was discovered Wednesday night at a business hotel in Okinawa. Sources say he slashed his wrists.
21:30 – A mechanic was sucked into a jet engine and killed while passengers were boarding a plane, officials in El Paso said. The National Safety Transporation Board spokesman said she didn’t know if anyone saw the accident, which occurred on a Boeing 757 operated by Continental. Because of an earlier problem with the engine, its metal covering was opening at the time. 114 passengers and 5 crew members were boarding at the time.
22:10 – JT LeRoy, a 25-year-old transsexual novelist whose mother pimped him as a cross-dressed child prostitute and got his first book deal at 17, does not exist. It was really Laura Albert, 40-year-old writer, mom and former phone sex technician
28:17 – 2 million gallons of untreated sewage spewed out of manhole covers in some residential pipes Sunday in Manhattan Beach. Dried bits of toilet paper and black scum, a plume of foul debris smelling like rudebaga appeared on the streets.
30:00 – A woman was accused of poisoning her husband and son by lacing their milkshakes with prescription drugs.
30:41 – In Japan, scientists have put a hamster in a cage with a snake for food, but the snake decided not to eat it. Instead they’re living together and fucking. The hamster lays on the snake and sleeps.
31:48 – A fan of the Cleveland Browns during a regular season game ran out on the field and got bodyslammed by Steelers linebacker Joey Porter. The judge could’ve jailed him for up to 30 days but only jailed him for 3 days – Feb. 3-5, with the Super Bowl being on the 5th. He’s not allowed to watch it, listen to it, etc.
1:16 – Google’s original name was Backrub. Just as UYD has changed names (previously Jesus & John), other great institutions have done the same
7:15 – A new study says that people who drink more than 7 cups of coffee a day are more likely to see ghosts. Jah thinks he might drink the equivalency of that each day, and he’s maybe seen a few ghosts.
7:59 – An administrative assistant at a church rectory in Arlington, Wash., was charged with stealing $73,000 from the church. When asked about this, she said Satan had a big part in the theft.
9:26 – Red states buy and view more online pornography than blue states do. Eight of the top 10 states that buy and view more online porn all voted for John McCain for president. Utah is #1 for their porn consumption and 60% of the state is allegedly devout Mormon.
11:12 – Earth Class Mail is a new all-digital mail service. You pick a PO Box wherever, pay a monthly fee, and this company will open all of your mail, scan and upload all of them to a computer. The client can then check their mail and click on boxes and tell the company, shred this one, recycle this one, forward this one to me in person, etc. Packages can be sent to the person’s home or PO Box or picked up at the nearest Earth Class Mail center. It starts at $11.95 a month for 50 pages of mail. Seth is uneasy about this, he doesn’t want somebody reading his love letters.
19:53 – Monsters and Aliens is a 3D movie coming out this week. Nine more movies are coming out this year. Jah doesn’t care about the 3D movies unless they make them where you don’t have to wear the goofy 3D glasses to view the movie.
21:24 – Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16), a no-frills airline, will charge you an extra fee unless you buy your ticket in person at a Spirit Airline counter at the airport.
26:03 – In Staten Island, the Community Education Council Member Salvatore Ballarino, is in hot water over an e-mail he sent to members of the council. It contained images of Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, and said, Q: Why are these two guys always smiling? A: Because they don’t know they’re black. To this he responded, “If they’re upset about something, it’s their own inner-workings. I have black people who are my friends. I have black people who sit at dinner tables with me.”
29:38 – First-year Girl Scout Wild Freeborn, 8 years old, set out to sell 12,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies so she could take her entire troup to a summer camp. She enlisted the help of her father, a web designer, and made a YouTube video of her doing a pitch, put an online order form up and got a gang of requests for cookies. A local father, a former Scout dad, alerted the troup and said it was an unfair advantage, so the troup made her take it down. Seth notes that one of the Girl Scout merit badges requires a girl to visit three websites.
37:01 – Porn.com is the second-most expensive .com name, at $9.5 million. The number one, for $9.9, is www.fund.com - mutual funds and investment portfolios. Others in the top 10: 10) Cameras.com, 9) Datarecovery.com, 8) Seniors.com, 7) Computers.com, 6) Creditcards.com, 5) Vodka.com, 4) Toys.com, 3) Diamonds.com.
40:30 – Chicago police said the 14-year-old boy who posed as a police officer in January actually did spend 2 hours behind the wheel of the squad car. Previously they had said he hadn’t driven. (Episode 152, 7:43). He also entered the police station through an unlocked back door. They admitted that in his 5 hours in uniform, he used the terminal dispatch in the patrol car, he responded to five different assignments and helped in the arrest of a suspect who violated a protection order.
42:35 – Apple released 3.0 software for its iPhone which will let you copy and paste, send and receive MMS and turn the phone sideways to view the landscape.
44:22 – Neighbors of Bob Dylan, who has a sprawling ocean-view estate in Point Dume Malibu, have contended that the nighttime sea breezes have sent an obnoxious odor across all of their properties, which has stemmed from a portable toilet that sits on Dylan’s property. For more than six months Dylan has ignored all the complaints of his neighbors to remove the outhouse. It has sickened family members and forced some to install industrial fans to block the odor.
45:30 – According to the website OddJobNation.com, there was a job called “Balloon Popper” that pays $50 per hour. There are a large group of people with the sexual fetish of watching videos of fully-clothed men popping balloons by sitting on them.
46:44 – Three different companies currently available and in business online called Death Switch, Slightly Morbid and Legacy Locker – created for gamers in the unlikely event that they pass away. You pay a monthly fee, and if you die, they will contact all your fellow gamers and notify administrators to let them know that you’ve died and not just quit the game.
51:33 – Smith & Wesson gun company is recalling a couple guns they sold from 2002-2009. Apparently the affected pistols were discovered to discharge ammunition without the trigger being pulled.
52:39 – 42-year-old Daniel Doster was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., masturbating at his mailbox on his front lawn. When arrested he said he was “letting my neighbors know who’s boss.”
0:40 – In anticipation of the new Star Trek movie coming out May 8, there are Star Trek photo booths, theme night dance parties where Orion girls will dress up in green bikinis, etc.
4:56 – Some more interesting college courses are available: At UC-Berkeley, you can take a class where you argue the logic of Judge Judy; at Wisconsin, they have “Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles”, dissecting soap operas; at UC-Irvine, “The Science of Superheroes”; at Columbia College in Chicago, “Zombies In Popular Media;” and at Center College in Kentucky, “Myth and Science Fiction,” where they analyze Star Wars, Matrix and Lord of the Rings
7:01 – Brad and Angelina might adopt a child from India. They already have 6 kids – Maddox from Cambodia, Zahara from Vietnam, Shiloh from Namibia, Pax from Vietnam, and 9-month twins born in France, Knox and Vivienne.
9:16 – A judge in Illinois has ruled that it is OK and protected under our free speech laws for a 58-year-old man to go up to parents and kids in local parks outside of Chicago and ask if he can tickle their children. Charles Douglas loves to do his “tickle monster” routine, and now he has precedent to do it full-bore.
11:44 – An 88-year-old man lost control of his luxury Jaguar sedan on Sunday afternoon in Redondo Beach, Calif., and drove it through a crowded restaurant. There were bodies strewn about the room, and it left the man shocked and confused. Police did not cite the man.
14:08 – The average age of Facebook users is slowly rising. Women over 55 are the fastest-growing demographic, and over the past two months members over the age of 35 has doubled.
19:05 – Two new talk shows are coming out: The George Lopez Show on TBS and The Wanda Sykes Show on FOX.
21:59 – An elementary school in L.A. took a field trip to the Port of Long Beach where they chartered a boat for the 20 kids to go on their first fishing trip. One of the crew members, 54-year-old Jeff Twattle, was trying to make the students laugh by putting his bait fish in his mouth. He accidentally swallowed the fish and choked to death in front of them.
23:23 – Question posed on the physicscentral.org website, “How long would you have to yell at a cup of coffee to heat it up?” Jah guesses 20 minutes, but it would take a year and a half.
29:26 – According to market research group Experion, 43% of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss. 38% are using hair styling products. 12% use adult cosmetics.
34:26 – New Line Cinema is going to make an NWA video called Straight Outta Compton, produced by Ice Cube and Dr. Dre.
35:40 – Seth talks about Michael Jackson and his kids. In 1997 he married Deborah Rowe, and they had two kids: Michael Jackson Jr. (Prince), 12, and Paris Michael Catherine Jackson, 11. They divorced a couple years later and she gave him custody of the kids. In 2002, he had Prince Michael Jackson II (Blanket), born to a surrogate mom through artificial insemination using Jacko’s sperm. The identity of the mother has never been detailed.
40:00 – Jay Leno is doing two free shows outside of Detroit for the homeless and jobless.
41:33 – US Conference of Catholic Bishops has warned Roman Catholics to shun the Eastern healing art of reiki because it lacks scientific credibility and is especially dangerous because the theory of rebalancing a universal life energy operates in the realm of superstition, and any and all healing should be given by the divine power of prayer to Christ the Lord and Savior.
43:24 – There’s been a rash of bitings at high schools across the country because of the enormous success of the movie Twilight.
44:52 – Nearly 10,000 O’Neill children’s sweatshirts made in China have been recalled because the drawstrings have the tendency to tighten up and strangle children
47:02 – There was a Save Darfur benefit concert last week in Atlanta. Tickets were $35. The band? Collective Soul.
49:30 – Veterans Affair spokesperson Katie Roberts announced this week that VA hospitals across the country might have exposed veterans to several infectious diseases by government clinics that performed colonoscopies with equipment that wasn’t properly sterilized.
50:14 – Lindsey Lohan has a line of self tanner called Sevin Nyne Tanning Mist that comes out Wednesday, April 15. It’s a play on her favorite numbers.
51:00 – CBS Morning Show had a boy named Liam Hoekstra, 3, from Michigan. “Super Kid.” He has a rare condition called Myostatin-Related Muscle Hypertrophy which gives him extreme muscularity. He’s ripped.
52:22 – April 15 is the 17th birthday of Richard Sandrak, Little Hercules
0:38 – A federal judge has ordered the USDA to allow 17-year-olds to buy the emergency contraceptive pill, Plan B, aka the “Morning-After Pill.”
1:12 – Steven Talliver, the 49-year-old homeless man who forced his way into Jamie Foxx’s hotel room in Philadelphia, has been declared incompetent to stand trial after being deemed by a psychiatrist to be “actively psychotic.”
2:47 – The Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles turned down a request from a 36-year-old vegan mother to display her total love of all things tofu on her new license plate. Kelly Kaufmann-Lee submitted the license plate ILVTOFU, but the plate request was denied in fear that the letters will be misconstrued to “I Love To F U.”
7:11 – In a Gallup poll, 76% of respondents say they still bend down to pick a penny up off the sidewalk if they see it. Jah says you should only pick up coins that are head’s-up
8:52 – PETA has sent a letter to the musical group, The Pet Shop Boys, asking them to change their name to The Rescue Shelter Boys, in hopes of discouraging people from getting their pets from pet stores.
14:57 – According to TotalBeauty.com, the top 5 cities with the worst hair in the country are: 5) Phoenix, Ariz., 4) Las Vegas, Nev., 3) Pittsburgh, Pa., 2) Olympia, Wash., and 1) Corpus Christi, TX.
17:38 – The U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention tested several different powdered baby formulas on the market and found that they contain trace amounts of a toxic chemical found in rocket fuel.
20:29 – According to a recent study, 44% of teenage boys have seen at least one nude photo of a female classmate, either on a social networking site or on their cell phone
35:43 – The May/June 2009 issue of Where To Retire magazine says that retiring in North Carolina is the way to go
41:41 – Two restaurants in New York have come under fire from community activists for their name. One place in Brooklyn is called Obama Fried Chicken and another place in Harlem is called Obama Fried Chicken and Pizza
46:48 – A paper in the American Journal of Human Genetics says researchers at the University of Iowa may have developed a birth control pill for men. The pill would slow down male sperm to a rate that would not allow it to forcefully penetrate an egg
58:35 – According to CareerBuilder.com, 1 in 5 workers are late to work at least once a week. Several hiring managers offered some excuses they’ve heard at the workplace: My heat was shut off so I had to stay home and keep my snake warm; my husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before I go to work every day; I was locked in my trunk by my son; I always just feel like I’m in everyone’s way when I show up on time; my left turn signal is broken so I had to make right turns to get to work; my driveway washed away in the rain; I walked into a spiderweb and I couldn’t find the spider so I had to walk back in and shower.
1:00:37 – More details about the National Science Foundation’s pornography problem have come out. Several high-ranking employees at the agency were found to be spending up to 20% of their workdays looking at porn. One of the officials had spent over $40,000 on a credit card on pornography. He also sent an e-mail that said, I am trying to learn how to use the cam-to-cam capability on your Asianbabes.com site. I don’t seem to be able to do that.
3:22 – Carlie Christine, 20, was fired as cheerleading coach in at Casa Robles HS in Orangevale, Calif., after cheerleaders who had been cut from the team due to many unexcused absences alerted the school and the principal that Carlie had posed nude for Playboy.com and was featured as their “Cyber Girl of the Week” during the second week of February.
8:18 – Two 11-year-old fifth-grade boys were taken into custody in Salt Lake City. They typed the word “Lesbian” into a search engine at the school library and were able to pull up pictures that somehow were not blocked by the school’s internet filter. They showed the photos to nine other boys and they have been charged with dealing material harmful to a minor.
14:18 – According to a new public health study, 8,550 American preschoolers (20% of 4-year-olds) were classified as obese
16:07 – The California Franchise Tax Board claims that Sinbad, listed as Sinbad Adkins of Oak Park, Ill., owes the state $2.5 million in taxes dating back to 2001.
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
44:30 – This e-mail was accidentally sent out to 28,000 students who were not accepted to UCSD: We’re thrilled you’ve been admitted to UC-San Diego and we’re showcasing our beautiful campus on Admit Day.
48:22 – In these tough economic times, the beginning of 2009 has seen an increase in both condoms and female contraceptives because people are staying at home and boning down.
49:52 – At Univ-Con, a paranormal conference that happens every year, Christopher Moon, the senior editor of a magazine called Haunted Times, was conducting at $90 apiece, telephone conversations to the dead. Frank’s Box, named after its inventor Frank Sumption, “consists of a random voltage generator which is used to tune an AM receiver. The AM receiver module gives off the raw audio and it is amplified and fed into an echo chamber, where ‘spirits’ manipulate it to form their voices. A spirit technician is then employed to decipher the various noises and fragments that are barely coherent and audible. He/she decodes this and speaks the words of the dead person you’ve contacted.”
0:35 – Econocide is the term for suicide due to people being deeply affected by the tough economic times
6:59 – Gospel mime is red hot. It’s taking traditional mime and traditional gospel and fusing them together to create a new genre of religious experience.
13:49 – A design team from NC State University has spent 3 years up till now designing a hospital gown that would not leave the buttocks exposed. They hope to have the product available to market in about 2 years.
14:37 – R&D Kitchen – Houston’s lab restaurants. They use a note system where it’s team waiting – everyone is your waiter. They write down the last thing they’ve done and the other waiters update it. There are communal bathrooms with 12 sinks at jaunty angles and 12 stalls. Jah went in at the same time as a girl and they were looking at each other as they washed off.
23:38 – Prince is putting out a coffee table book called “21 Nights: The Prince Opus.” There are only 950 available. The limited edition book is 280 pages of lyrics, poetry and photographs printed on superior silk-grade paper. It’s leather bound in a purple velvet box and will sell for just under $2,500. It comes with an engraved iPod with his live album Indigo on it, a 40-minute documentary. One lucky buyer will win a ticket to California for a free private show.
30:31 – A new report just published in the American Journal of Sports Medicine says that break dancers suffer a high rate of injury and may fail to give themselves proper time to heal before dancing again.
32:17 – A 17-year-old in Pennsylvania is accused of pulling out his junk in the middle of high school English class and animatedly masturbating while calling out the names of the students in class.
37:04 – Agents this week raided several locations in two different counties of a Neo-Nazi organization called “The Inland Empire Skinheads.” They’re a new and violent domestic terrorist group that recruits and teens and adults on Craig’s List. Seven people were arrested. Guns and drugs were also seized. Officers found a maternity ward in one of the facilities where pregnant women were supposed to give birth on Hitler’s birthday (April 20). Two of them did.
50:37 – Ashton Kutcher (the guy from the Nikon Coolpix commercials) became the first person to amass 1 million followers on Twitter last week
1:00:20 – Remo Spencer stole 8 laptops and 7 iPods from a Wal-Mart he worked at in Great Falls, Montana, then posted the items for sale on the employee bulletin board in the store breakroom.
1:57 – According to the National Catholic Reporter, the founder of a religious order that treats Roman Catholic priests who molest children concluded in the 1950s that the sex offenders were highly unlikely to change, and should not be returned to any ministry. The Rev. Gerald Fitzgerald, founder of the Servants of the Paracles, was so sure of the priests’ inability to control themselves that he tried to buy an island and isolate them from any children.
3:12 – William Fell, 61, worked for the Alexandria Department of Transportation for 17 years. According to police, Fell spent the last year going to work at 3 a.m., well before his shift began, emptying all the coin canisters from the parking meters all over the city. He would fill up personal bags with nickels, dimes and quarters and at his house he had roughly $177,000 stashed.
8:23 – Lilith Fair is coming back in 2010.
9:57 – Article in Newsweek tells of two unmarried single parents who met on Second Life. They’re basically married to each other even though they’re geographically separated. They wear headphones to bed so they can hear each other breathing through Skype.
19:02 – Tupac Shakur was seen at a bar in New Orleans drinking. TMZ has photos of it.
20:51 – Overland Park, Kan. – doorbell rings, Kim Mertin opens the door and there’s a U.S. Census worker on her porch with a clipboard. He asks how many people live there, he comments on her blouse, and asks her if she wants a backrub. He asks her if she was wearing pink panties, and she calls the police and tells them he was playing with himself while standing on the porch. It turns out he really was a census worker.
22:15 – Creed is getting back together. Jah recalls Scott Stapp getting involved with a prostitute scandal with Kid Rock (Episode 003, 44:37). Stapp calls the reunion a “rebirth.” Jah says he’ll go to it.
25:06 – Desperate for new revenue streams, auctioneers in several states have begun auctioning off grocery store items, unloading either too-dented or too-close-to-their-expiration-date foods to be sold in stores.
27:44 – A study presented at the annual meeting of experimental biology last week in New Orleans done by researchers at Baylor College of Medicine took 108 students ages 13-16. They gave half the students sugar-free gum to chew, and the other half no gum. The students who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math scores. They also seemed to require fewer breaks, could sustain attention longer and remained quieter. The study was sponsored and paid for by the Wrigley Science Institute.
29:08 – 155,000 Philips Senseo Coffeemakers, made in China and sold nationwide, have been recalled because they have faulty electrical systems and they cause a calcium buildup from the water and burst open and splash hot coffee in your face.
30:31 – This Tuesday, make it a girls’ night in with Bride Wars.
30:53 – Seth has an obituary for Chuck Dimmick, 50, of Arizona. He was the director of marketing for Lund Cadillac Group. He passed away suddenly while attending a NASCAR race to watch his favorite driver, Jeff Gordon. In the obit: “We are sure he would still want you to know that 0.9% financing is still available on all new 2008 Hummer H2s.”
31:45 – Another interesting obit: Jack Lorkie, 85, just passed away. He went to WW2 at age 19. On four different occasions, soldiers died on both sides of him. When he got discharged they called him “Lucky.” He was waiting to get on the military plane to come back to the U.S., gets bumped off for a senior military official and then the plane crashes and kills everyone on board. He goes to a minor league baseball team, they’re on the road eating lunch and he gets a call saying he got called up and needs to catch a ride back to Spokane, Wash., for the game. He says goodbye to the team, hitchhikes and takes a bus there, then the bus crashes and kills everyone after he gets off.
33:52 – The guy who designed the Twitter bird logo got paid $6. It was chosen using a term Wired magazine called “crowdsourcing,” a casting call for graphic designers to create a logo. The woman who designed the Nike swoosh got paid $35.
35:06 – The Department of Transportation in Delaware is under fire for a diversity spotlight newsletter they let out to 2,600 workers. A section was called “The N-Word” but spelled it out and said it was never good to use the word. In another section titled “Comments You Would Never Want to Make to a Co-Worker,” in reference to LGBTs it said, “Hey, (homophobic slur), have you ever thought about getting help?” To Asian co-workers, “You must be the new I.T. guy.” To other African American co-workers, “Should we order fried chicken and watermelon for you?” To elderly co-workers, “You know Wal-mart is hiring.” To Hispanic and Latino co-workers, “Could you help me with my landscaping?” A spokesman for the DDOT said, “Is it in-your-face? Absolutely. It’s bold. Yeah it is.”
39:45 – There was a recall of HydroxyCut
40:25 – Ed Hardy has released a line of wine. Jah says he’s released a line of life. He has teamed up with a dentist to do toothbrushes, dental floss and mouthwash.
41:56 – The American Association of Wine Economists held a blind taste test with 18 volunteers. Five foods were sampled – duck liver mousse, pork liver paté, pureed liverwurst, Spam and Newman’s Own Dog Food. Only 3 people identified the dog food. Four people thought the Spam was dog food.
43:29 – Environmental Protection Agency, with the help from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), held the first National Bed Bug Summit to address the alarming increase of bed bug infestation. Entymologists from the University of Kentucky said, “In my opinion, we’re not going to get out of this thing until we allow the pest control industry to go to war.”
45:01 – A school bus driver in Charleston, W.V., is in trouble for allowing a man to board the bus in the parking lot of the school and hit a 14-year-old who was on it. 25-year-old Joshua Sean Beaver claims that a group of students were flashing him the middle finger in traffic in a residential area. He followed them 15 minutes, gets on the bus, points at one student, walks to the back, knocking kids out of the way, hits the kid in the back of the head and says “Remember my name now. It’s Josh Beaver.”
46:48 – Now that John Madden retired, what is Frank Caliendo going to do?
47:42 – A woman named Lorane Wasserman owns a fragrance business in Torrance called Escential Resources. She provides scents for companies and attractions, such as Fear Fest, The Halls of Terror, and Extreme Fear Haunted Attractions. Some of her signature perfectly recreated scents are Raw Sewage, Stinky Cheese, Decay, Compost, Dead Rat. Her quote: “It may smell ugly, but the sweet smell of money is what counts.”
49:02 – A telephone survey conducted by the Opinion Research Group had a breakdown of responses to the question, “If your house were burning down, and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?” 50% said photo album, 20% said money, 13% said laptops, 7% said pets, 2% said jewelry. Jah thinks the answers are bogus and wants the Wrigley Science Institute to redo the survey.
2:57 – The Washington Capitals hockey team keep a section on their website where they profile the Ice Girls cheerleaders. Sarah went to George Mason, her hobbies are spending time with family and friends, her favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean and her favorite book is Facebook.
3:51 – Seth asks Jonathan to explain to him the Coneheads. Seth says if he had to make a short list of people he finds unbearably not funny, Dan Aykroyd would make that list. Another actor who would make that list is Chevy Chase.
7:37 – According to the Journal of Animal Behavior, male monarch butterflies are such calculating inseminators that they can decide the optimal level of sperm necessary for a reproductive advantage. While injecting the fluid, the butterfly penis also acts as a kind of dipstick, checking the quantity of residual sperm already present from previous male suitors, and thus can always inject more sperm than the previous butterfly did.
9:33 – Chuck Trainer was married to Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat fame from 1971-1974, then he married Marilyn Chambers of Behind the Green Door from 1975-1985.
26:01 – The Mad Pride Movement is referenced in Newsweek – a grassroots collective of people who have been diagnosed with some sort of mental health instability, but look at the extreme mental states as “dangerous gifts” and make the conscious decision to avoid taking any medications. Seth cautions everyone to stay out of Toronto July 13-19 because it’s Mad Pride Week.
29:50 – Two dances have recently come out of Dallas, Texas – The Ricky Bobby and The Stanky Leg.
33:10 – The Better Business Bureau is warning Americans to not buy magazine subscriptions from door-to-door salesmen this summer
35:33 – Nicolas Cage likes to buy a lot of property. In 2005 he sold a house in Malibu for $10 million. He sold a waterfront home in Newport Beach, Calif., last year for $30 million. He just sold a 28-room castle in Germany last month for $2.5 million. He’s selling a private island in the Bahamas he owns for $7 million. He bought an enormous country manor overlooking the ocean in Rhode Island a couple years ago for $17 million. He has a home in a gated community in Las Vegas he’s selling. He has a tudor mansion in Bel-Air he put on the market for $30 million and he brought it down to $20 million to get rid of it. He has 2 houses in New Orleans; one is Anne Rice’s house, the most haunted house in New Orleans ($3.5 million), and he has another house in New Orleans he’s selling for $3.5 million. He still owns a home in the Bahamas, a house in San Francisco, a 4-story townhouse in Bath, England, an 18th century castle in Somerset, England, a beachfront home in Hawaii, a castle in Scotland, two apartments on Fifth Avenue in New York City and he owns a loft at the Biscuit in downtown L.A.
38:17 – Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People broke down entertainers, thinkers, etc. They brought in Ashton Kutcher to write about another celeb: “Years from now, when historians reflect on the time we are currently living in, the names Biz Stone and Evan Williams (the founders of Twitter) will be referenced side-by-side with the likes of Samuel Morse, Alexander Graham Bell, Guglielmo Marconi, Philo Farnsworth, and Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, because the creation of Twitter is as significant as the invention of all of those things.”
42:52 – Brenda Bailey, 59, of Charleston, W.V., has won the West Virginia Lottery Instant Game five times since last September. In September 2008 she won $10,000, in January 2009 she won $6,000, in March 2009 she won $1,000, in April 2009 she won $50,000, in May 2009 she just won her biggest, $100,000.
43:58 – Jah bring up the police-impersonating guy (Episode 152, 7:43) from Chicago, and gives a little update on the 15-year-old kid: his latest escapade involved throwing a suit on, going to a car dealership in Chicago and talked to the dealer about buying a used car with cash for around $3,000. The guy showed him a 1990 Lexus, and the 15-year-old drove off with the car. Three hours later he cuts off an undercover cop, who was one of the cops who had to testify months ago why the kid was dressed up like a cop. It turned into a foot chase, and at one point a woman had her baby stroller stolen by this kid who was walking down the street pretending to be a dad and telling police “he went that way.” The kid was eventually tackled and arrested, and they couldn’t believe it was this kid.
47:02 – Sugar Ray is reuniting, and they have a new album coming out called Music for Cougars. It releases July 21, plus a summer tour.
51:04 – The University of Wisconsin – Madison will offer “therapy dogs” on campus for stressed-out students on finals week.
54:07 – According to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), there has been a high-tech shift in American culture. Accelerated by the current economic downturn, the number of U.S. households opting for only cell phones has for the first time surpassed those who just have traditional landlines. Jah wonders why the CDC is conducting this study.
54:59 – PETA is upset with Google for using a herd of goats to “mow” its lawn instead of lawnmowers at its Mountain View, Calif. headquarters. Google wanted to be green and take a low-carbon interesting approach to lawn care, but PETA is concerned the goats did not have enough water or shelter or could be upset during their transportation.
2:20 – A rent party is where people who are having trouble coming up with their rent host a party where they charge people a few bucks to come in.
3:10 – NASA is having to deal with Chinese space junk from space missions launched by the country in 2007. Pieces of debris have been going by Space Shuttle Atlantis.
5:18 – The next step in the ever-evolving work-life culture balance is work time with leisure type hybrided into it. “Weisure” allows people to dip in and go back out of their work lives.
6:59 – T-Pain and his wife Amber just had a baby boy to be named later. His older siblings are named Musiq and Lyriq.
7:38 – Top baby names from 2008 just released by the Social Security Administration. After a 12-year reign as the most popular girls’ baby name, Emily has slipped to third and has been usurped by Emma. For the 10th year in a row, the top boys’ name is Jacob. “Obama” jumped from 12,535 to 2,409. For girls, “Khloe” jumped from 665 to 196, probably because of Khloe Kardashian. For boys, “Jacoby” went from 623 to 423, probably because of Boston Red Sox player Jacoby Ellsbury. Some other top names for boys: 70) Brody, 98) Colton, 128) Seth, 200) Johnathan … Camden, Mateo make the list, as well as 297) Amir, 375) Larry … Phoenix, Titus make the list, as well as 500) Cale, 563) Boston, 707) Freddie, 713) Elvis, 714) Ace, 801) Bruno, 861) Blaze, 926) Trip, 951) Chazz, 990 Cortez. … Some names on the girls’ list: 116) Rylee, 209) Delancey, 321) Teegan, 449) Diamond, 478) Perla, 503) America, 512) Justice, 594) Journey, 621) Liberty, 665) Finley, 666) Kinley, 700) Aspen, 713) Judith, 755) Armani, 771) Patience, 791) Precious, 846) Ryann, 893) Deja, 929) Princess, 964) Dixie.
13:25 – A human rights organization based in New York has demanded that the sale of a Japanese video game be banned from purchasing by Amazon or through direct purchase. The theme of the game contains, Roricon, or Lolita complex. In the game, players rape young girls and force them to get abortions.
31:28 – 35,000 Wagner paint sprayers manufactured in China sold for $99 at major chain, home and hardware stores across the country, have been recalled because the On/Off switch can fall off and exposes the internal connections and can cause a very high risk of shock.
40:42 – The National Institute of Health have given $400,000 in taxpayer money in the form of a grant to the New York Psychiatric Institute, who are to conduct a 2-year study in which researchers will pose as homosexuals and cruise six popular gay bars in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. They hope their findings will be applicable to the United States.
54:42 – Ben Harper and David Arquette have a new clothing line called Propr. It includes a short-sleeved plaid button-down for $158 and chino shorts for $135.
58:31 – A headline from an edition of The Washington Post dated Sept. 1, 1926, “The Ku Klux Klan will play the local Hebrew All-Star Nines and provide local sandlot baseball fans with action this Labor Day, when they clash on the Arlington Horse Show Grounds diamond at 3 o’clock.”
1:04:51 – Texas has an enormous fire ant problem. They cost the state hundreds of millions of dollars by getting into circuit breakers and other electrical equipment. Researchers at Texas A&M are releasing the fire ant’s natural predator, the phorid fly, into their environment. The fly will lay its eggs on the body of the fireant; the eggs will then hatch into phorid fly maggots, which will then burrow inside the fire ant’s head and eat its brain. This does not kill the fire ant immediately; the ant’s brain does not control its ability to walk, so zombie-esque fire ants continue to walk around for almost a month until the maggots finally hatch into full-blown flies and the head of the ant falls off. The fly crawls out and lives its life, attempting to find more fire ants.
2:49 – Police across the country are reporting an increase in the number of flowers being stolen from cemeteries and being resold on streets and intersections.
4:23 – The passengers of Flight #1549 that Sully Sullenberger landed into the Hudson have received luggage that was mailed to them after it was recovered from the water. One dude received a newspaper from that day, another had bought birthday boots for her daughter and one received a black-and-white photo of her father from the 1930s. Seth talks about a depot in Steamboat Springs, Colo., that resells lost luggage for bargain prices.
7:21 – Washington, D.C., is host to the National Bible Bee on Nov. 5-6. There will be tournaments held across the country leading up to this.
14:41 – A registered sex offender in Salt Lake City, Utah known as “Diaper Boy” was arrested for the fifth time this week for showing the diaper he wears to kids in the area. Along with the diaper, he also has snapshots of him wearing the diaper, along with downloaded photos of other fully grown men in their diapers. Despite a long history of doing this, prosecutors have had a very hard time filing criminal charges because he does not expose his genitals.
16:56 – Playboy.com features an ad that is a spinoff of “Two Girls One Cup” called “Two Girls One Sub”
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thai Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
30:39 – Seth tells us about Mrs. Buttersworth, who made her TV debut in 1961, but her first name has always been a secret. It’s been passed down over the years from manager to manager at Pinnacle Foods Group, the maker of Mrs. Buttersworth syrup. The website is running a contest to guess her name. Submit your entry by July 17, guess her name and give an explanation in 100 words or less. The winner will be featured on the website, receive $500 in cash and a year’s supply of the syrup.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
37:45 – 66-year-old Robert John Ward of Spotsylvania, Va. (Episode 003, 24:23), was accused by a relative for acting inappropriately with the family dog. The dog had been acting strangely for weeks, and when the family confronted him in an intervention-like setting, he admitted to “fooling around with the dog” when no one was home. Apparently he jerked the dog off, he fucked the dog’s butt and the dog blew him.
42:14 – In Utah, they finally passed a law that gives you clearance to go to a bar and get a drink. Previously, bartenders couldn’t hand a drink to the patron without first walking around the “Zion Curtain,” a glass partition that separates the bartender from the patrons and waitresses. He has to make the drinks in a back room so they can’t see him make them.
47:54 – Consumer Reports has linked a skin rash from leather couches directly back to the manufacturing plant in China. The dyes and preservatives contained in the couches that have been discovered in Ohio are extremely harmful to human skin.
50:51 – A new hot trend is called “lighter tag.” Reports from Seattle say people are playing the game, a form of tag where participants cover themselves in lighter fluid. Tagging someone is in essence lighting that person on fire. Once they roll around and scream and the flames are extinguished, the burnt victim has the opportunity to tag someone else. Jah thinks the way to make the game crazier and better is to extinguish the person who tagged them (paying it backward) before you can continue).
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
54:42 – The total sum of all the world’s digital content has reached 500 billion gigabytes – the equivalent of a stack of books filled with endless information starting on the floor and extending to the planet Pluto, multiplied by 10. It will double in the next year and a half.
1:01:38 – Jah reads something from Ray Kurzweil, who owns a company that sells keyboards and synthesizers: He believes computer intelligence is advancing so rapidly that in a couple of decades machines will be as intelligent as humans. Soon after that they will surpass humans and start creating even smarter technology. By the middle of this century, the only way for us to keep up will be to merge with the machines, so that their superior intelligence can boost our weak little brains and beef up our pitiful illness-prone bodies. Some of Kurzweil’s fellow futurists believe these super-human computers will want nothing to do with us – that we will become either their pets or their food. Always an optimist, Kurzweil takes more of an upbeat view. He swears these super-human computers will love us and honor us, since we will be their ancestors. He also thinks we will be able to embed our consciousness in silicone, which means we can live on inside of machines forever.
3:58 – In Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia—all states that have banned smiling on license photos—there’s new high-tech software that is having issues matching separate photos if facial expressions differ. It is supposed to help identity theft. The DMV has asked in these states that people keep the pictures “dull.”
8:11 – Ben & Jerry’s has a new flavor – The Barenaked Ladies’ “If I Had A Million Flavors” – features chocolate and vanilla ice cream, chocolate-covered toffee, white chocolate chunks, peanut butter cups and chocolate-covered almonds.
14:49 – A transient was found in Mount Olympus (a gated area in Hollywood) this weekend and charged with starting a fire that charred 5 acres of land and took more than 100 firefighters to extinguish. It did not destroy any homes, however the following day, a resident in the area saw the man that matched the description. He detained the dude, and when the cops got there he claimed he was Prometheus—a figure in Greek mythology known for stealing fire from the god Zeus and giving it to the humans.
26:19 – Kanye West has a new book called Thank You and You’re Welcome, even though he has said “I’m not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.” The book is 52 pages long and some of the pages are totally blank. Other pages have words called “Kanye-isms.” Says West, “While traveling the world random thoughts would come to me. Very poignant quotes.” One of the quotes is “I hate the word ‘hate.’”
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
40:10 – Danger Mouse and Sparkle Horse were supposed to put out a record this summer. Due to an ongoing dispute with the label, EMI, the album is not going to be released because of various label-oriented issues. They’re disappointed in this, and plan to release a fully-illustrated artwork-done jewel case. Within the jewel case will be a blank CDR, which will be labeled, “For legal reasons, enclosed is a CDR. It contains no music. Use it as you will.”
48:43 – Gillette has put up some instructional videos on better shaving. One is called “Go further for body shaving,” which states that “When there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.”
52:42 – When the Bureau of Prisons transfers mid- to low-level prisoners to a halfway house or another facility to house inmates, they buy them tickets and let them travel alone on Greyhound buses because it’s more cost-effective. In the last three years, 180 inmates have skipped out on their transfer.
54:58 – A new documentary about teenage girls in the U.S. claims that oral sex is the new good-night kiss.
1:01:28 – Vans made a breakdancing shoe specifically for breakers. If Seth had these shoes he might actually do the moonwalk on camera to make up for when he bitched out in Episode 100.
2:34 – Friday, June 12 – analog to digital. From the time they announced the switch to digital (Episode 048, 15:08), anyone that hadn’t done it yet has since passed away.
7:27 – A guy gets on Twitter and tells everyone how him and his family are on vacation, so someone reads it and goes to his house and steals all his shit.
14:00 – A judge in California has dismissed a lawsuit brought by a woman who stated that she bought Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries because she actually thought the cereal featured real fruit berries. Her name is Janine Sugawara. She also claims she was misled by the box cover because it features the Cap’n thrusting a spoonful of berries in her face.
16:18 – At a recent Technology Entertainment and Design (TED) Conference, a speaker showed a sonogram that showed an example of an in utero masturbation taking place. The Journal of Ultrasound and Medicine released a photo of a baby with its hand hovering over the penis, and then an in-motion footage of the fetus jerking off.
18:58 – A courtside seat to Game 2 of the NBA Finals this week at the Staples Center is on StubHub.com for $55,000. Jah says that’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard in his life.
21:12 – The Nielsen Company announces they are ending the publication Radio and Records
22:30 – Microsoft has a search engine called Bing which they’re hoping will replace Google. The search engine features automatic video preview playing when you scroll your mouse over a link, and tech reviewers basically said it was its own porn site.
23:57 – At the E3 Conference in Los Angeles, Microsoft unveiled their Project Natal, which is basically Wii motion sensor technology without any handheld controls.
25:37 – New Wikipedia/Google – Wolfram|Alpha. Seth thinks it sounds like an Iraqi War operation (Episode 077, 15:56). It’s a computational knowledge engine, the first step in an ambitious long-term project to make all systematic knowledge immediately computable by anyone. You enter your question or calculation and Wolfram|Alpha uses its own built-in algorithms and growing collection of data to compute the answer based on a new kind of knowledge-based computer. Breaking this down in layman’s terms, Jah explains that the concept is Shazam (the song recognizing iPhone app) wrapped over the entire internet.
40:04 – Sunday, June 21 is Father’s Day and the first day of summer. The National Retail Federation expects spending on dad to be down again this year. Last year the average was $94.54, and this year the average is expected to be $90.89 (Episode 120, 12:10, and Episode 013, 41:21).
42:13 – Kids love to hug each other, according to a front page New York Times article. One theory is that play dates were big and novel when J-dawg’s brother, Ben (now 22), was growing up, and it was a huggy time. Jah’s theory is that there is something on a deeper psychological level that has to do with the antithesis of all the other stuff going on in their lives (technological prowess, not being in control), and they look to one another and move toward each other and bracing for what’s going on.
48:10 – The Grandview Topless Coffee Shop (Episode 156, 24:33) burned down this week, thanks to an arsonist.
51:34 – Over 1,000 distinct species of bacteria live on the human skin at any given time. The part of the body with the most bacteria (44 different kinds) is the forearm (Episode 051, 24:28).
58:35 – Police have arrested a U.S. Marine Corps recruiter for using a 14-year-old girl to have sex with potential military recruits. 33-year-old staff sergeant Brian Damone Cunningham enticed the girl from her home after he meter her online. Police found her in a car after having sex with Cunningham and two potential recruits.
1:01:24 – Pearl Jam’s newest album, Backspacer, comes out Sept. 11 and will be sold exclusively at Target.
1:11 – The Washington Nationals set off a pyrotechnic display at a game last weekend and all the debris from the fireworks fell into the stands and landed on the body of the Washington D.C. fire chief.
1:45 – The Dallas Cowboys have a $1.15 billion stadium that opened this week with a George Strait concert that 60,000 people attended. There was only 1 DWI arrest, 53-year-old Jack Hill, who was in charge of the construction of the entire facility and is the general manager of the facility.
5:37 – We have made the switch from analog to digital TV at midnight.
8:32 – The FDA has warned consumers to check the labels on their hand sanitizers. A company called Clarcon is producing sanitizers that contain high levels of disease-causing bacteria. The FDA says to not lather your hands with this or put it in any open wounds.
10:13 – The WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury is going to replace their team name on their uniforms with the name of their new corporate sponsor, Lifelock. This is the first time it has happened in major American sports teams. The NFL has approved that teams can carry corporate sponsors on their practice jerseys. The Houston Texans have been contacted by an HD porn company called Zero Tolerance.
12:01 – An update on Project Natal (Episode 170, 23:57) – it has a problem detecting darker skinned people. Melanin seems to directly affect the signal from the software.
15:22 – PETA releases its most veg-friendly Major League ballparks, and No. 1 is Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. They feature southwestern black bean burgers, mock crabcake salads, veggie Philly cheesesteaks, veggie dogs, faux chicken sandwiches. Fenway Park has some vegetarian offerings – peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks and soft pretzels.
17:52 – Former model Russell Christoff has won $15.6 million in a settlement from a jury in his case against Taster’s Choice coffee. In 1986 he posed for Nestlé, and was paid $250 for a day shoot. He signed a contract that said that any use of the photographs for commercial uses would be negotiated. In 2002, while standing in a Home Depot, a woman is in line with him and tells him he looks like the guy on the coffee jar. Two months later he’s shopping at a Rite-Aid pharmacy, and sees his face on a Taster’s Choice can. Taster’s Choice has been doing it since 1998, and Christoff sues them. The proceedings get bogged down for a bit, he wins the money, an appeals court has reversed the decision, and now he is back in court trying to re-reverse the reversal.
21:36 – July 3, 1995, cover of Time magazine featured the title “Cyber Porn,” with a picture of a scared kid lit up by the glowing orb of an old CRT monitor. “Exclusive: A new study shows how pervasive and how wild it really is. Can we protect our kids and free speech?”
33:10 – The American Veterinary Medical Association is holding their annual convention next month in Seattle, Wash. They opened the first day of the convention with some Pike Place Fish Market throwers. PETA complained and said it would be cruel if it was dead kittens being thrown. The AVMA is now considering rubber fish.
40:36 – The Smiths, a Missouri family, sent out Christmas cards. A friend of theirs was vacationing in Prague and saw their picture in the window of a food speciality shop’s delivery service. The store owner found it on the internet, blew it up and used it as an ad.
42:00 – Geekology.com ranks the “Best Yahoo Answers.” Some of the questions: “Why are there school?” … “How come when I talk to girls on Facebook they don’t answer me back?” … “Ping pong ball stuck in my vagina. Please help me get it out. No, I’m not posting pics. I was trying to practice a cool trick for my man and it got stuck there and it’s too slimy to pull out. I don’t want to go to the E.R. or doctor cuz I gots no insurance.” … “I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?” Jah wonders if there are people who are really that stupid and if they have the capacity to not be that stupid.
48:00 – BestBuytruestories.com – Think they’re actors? Not a chance. 30-second videos on the Best Buy website of employees passing the cheer in their own way.
53:53 – Daniel James Murray, 36, is in custody for menacing President Obama. While he was depositing money in a bank, he asked “Is the bank solvent? With all the mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I’m sure if citizens happen to lose all their money, they’re going to rise up and we could see killing and deaths.” On information they needed on a form, he filled out MESSENGER OF GOD under occupation. After they took him into custody, he said “we are on a mission to kill the President of the United States. … I’ve traveled thousands of miles to be here, and I know things that are going to happen. We are 94 million miles from the sun. The banking system will fail and people will die. There will be chaos in the world.”
1:01:37 – In a slow, deep creepy voice, Jah reads the following: A pair of pioneering astronomers revealed Tuesday how they used a supercomputer to show how a nearby black bole is vastly more massive than scientists ever imagined. The black hole at the heart of the relatively close Messier 87 Galaxy (M87) weighs in at 6.4 billion times the mass of our Sun, according to US astrophysicist Karl Gebhardt and Germany's Jens Thomas, who say it's the largest ever measured with a reliable technique. One of the more enigmatic features of astronomy, a black hole is a region in space that is inferred by tracking stars that orbit it. Objects fall into its stupendous gravitational field but nothing, not even light, can return. Gebhardt and Thomas' revelation, they say, sheds light on how galaxies grow, and may solve the paradox of quasars - active black holes guzzling matter in distant galaxies that scientists are struggling to understand. Addressing the American Astronomical Society conference in Pasadena, California, the stargazers described how they employed the gargantuan computing power of the Lonestar system, also known as the huge "Texas Advanced Computing Center" at the University of Texas. The Lonestar has 5,840 processing cores and can perform 62 trillion "floating-point operations" per second. For comparison, the most state-of-the-art laptop computer has only two processing cores and performs only 10 billion such operations per second. Gebhardt and Thomas's study, to be published later this year in the Astrophysical Journal, aims to clock the mass of Galaxy M87's central black hole by also modeling the galaxy's "dark halo," a phenomenon that extends past a galaxy's visible structure and contains the ethereal but weighty dark matter. "In the past, we have always considered the dark halo to be significant, but we did not have the computing resources to explore it as well," said Gebhardt as he lauded the supercomputer's ability. Such a conclusion would fundamentally change consideration of the physical laws of space, as scientists examine black holes and probe how galaxies grow.
1:07 – In Arizona, when you get a license, you don’t have to renew it until you’re 65 years old
6:19 – The FDA has announced that consumers should immediately stop taking all forms of Zicam cold remedy nasal products. For many way this is a way to get zinc in your system without taking zinc losenges, but apparently spraying the zinc right in your brain can cause anosmia, or the loss of the sense of smell. Jonathan has Zicam sitting in his cupboard right now.
9:56 – Colin Firth will get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2010. Seth has no idea who Colin Firth is.
11:02 – Facebook users have doubled from last year. This year they’ve overtaken Myspace, which has lost 5% of its users. It is the No. 1 U.S. social networking site. Facebook has 70.28 million users; Myspace has 70.26 million; Twitter has 17.6 million – an increase of 2,700% from last year. Jah doesn’t think Twitter should be considered a social networking site, and he will not use it as a way of keeping in touch with people who listen to this show.
13:47 – Sean Combs uses Twitter, and on it had the quote, “When I close my eyes, I see God.”
20:08 – The secret ingredients to the new line of grilled chicken at KFC introduced in April is beef powder and rendered beef fat.
23:29 – Detroit is on some shaky ground right now. The population of the city is hovering around 900,000. There are currently no major grocery store chains in the entire city. There are only 4 Starbucks in the entire city. There may be some light at the end of the tunnel, because young people have begun moving there with the average home price at less than $12,000.
35:37 – A staff person for the Tennessee Republican Sen. Diane Black sent an e-mail out that showed portraits of all 44 U.S. presidents. The final box of President Obama just shows a black box with two wide-open white scared-looking eyes.
38:59 – New Sensations, an adult film production company, has a new film coming out – Seinfeld: A XXX Parody available June 29, 2009. “See the gang like you’ve never seen them before.” They’ve made a couple other parodies, spoofing Scrubs and The Office. James Deen, 2009 AVN Male Performer of the Year, portrays Jerry Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Krasinski in all three spoofs.
45:07 – President Obama was doing an interview at the White House on CNBC and a fly kept flying in front of him. Obama judo chops the fly out of the air and kills it, so PETA sends Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.
48:21 – MTV’s Top Graduation Milestones for 2009: 5) Gay Marriage, 4) Twitter, 3) Twilight, 2) Lady Gaga, 1) Barack Obama.
52:44 – Trip Advisor has listed their World’s Top 5 Germiest Attractions: 5) Handprints and Footprints outside the Hollywood Grauman’s Chinese Theatre; 4) St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy – pigeon shit; 3) Oscar Wilde’s tomb in Paris, France – lipstick prints; 2) the Wall of Gum in Seattle, Wash.; and 1) Blarney Stone in Blarney, Ireland. Seth thinks this is all gross and can’t even get down with his mother taking communion.
58:37 – NASA is talking about bombing the moon. A rocket will go into space and release another rocket. 10 months from now kinetic energy will take that rocket full speed into the moon and bomb it, and a satellite will be following behind that, go under the surface and detect if there is any water or ice under the surface.
1:05:57 – Jonathon Keats is a 37-year-old conceptual artist. In 2003 he copyrighted his mind, claiming it was a sculpture he created, neural network by neural network, through the act of thinking. When interviewed for the project by the BBC World Service, Keats said the reason he did this was to attain “temporary immortality,” on the grounds that the copyright act would give him intellectual property rights on his mind for a period of 70 years after his death. He reasoned that, if he licensed out those rights, he'd fulfill the Cogito (“I think, therefore I am"”, paradoxically surviving himself by seven decades. In order to fund the posthumous marketing of intellectual property rights to his mind, he sold futures contracts on his brain in an IPO (Initial Public Offering) at the Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. The project was later included in Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
8:28 – Trojan has introduced a new line of condom called Ecstasy – “It feels like nothing’s there.”
9:14 – Seth says the greatest movie of all time is The Karate Kid, which is being remade into Kung Fu Kid, starring Eliza Dushku, Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith.
13:34 – Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a book giving relationship advice called “The Day I Shot Cupid.” Seth then reads a list of the people she’s dated: John Mayer, Carson Daly, Joey Lawrence, Wilmer Valderrama and Antonio Sabato Jr. She’s engaged to Jamie Kennedy.
19:20 – Mike Green, a Republican strategist in South Carolina, on his Twitter account this week: “Just heard Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on Aspirin because it’s white and it works.”
24:10 – More than 18,000 members of the Watchtower Society, followers of the Jehovah’s Witness faith, will converge on your town for their annual convention. They will also be going out in large groups daily trying to convert non-believers. On the Watchtower website, one of the questions asked is “What Movies to See?” The answer: “The AMPAS rating system is no substitute for Bible-trained conscience. Simply just apply Psalm 97:10 – ‘Hate what is bad.’ A person who hates what is bad would consider it wrong to be entertained by the things that God abhors.”
26:39 – Seth tells us about the “Chemtrail conspiracy theory,” which claims that some contrails are actually chemicals or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public. Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, in April of 2009 during an interview with Tavis Smiley, he talked about the phenomenon of chemtrails, saying there were an increase in aircraft trails that coincided with an inexplicable increase in fighting and arguing in his neighborhood.
30:42 – Some Pizza Hut stores and Pizza Hut boxes will now go by the name “The Hut.” It’s in an ongoing effort to stay hip and fresh with their customers. Pizza Hut also unveiled their new “Twintern,” who uses Twitter to update customers about deals and pop culture news.
33:21 – Burger King, in Singapore, has released a new ad for their “Super 7-Incher” burger-sandwich. The ad is a profile of a woman with red lipstick inserting a 7-incher into her mouth, with the words IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND AWAY. FILL YOUR DESIRE FOR SOMETHING LONG AND JUICY. Hardee’s has a new product called “Biscuit Holes.” – “They sound wrong, but they taste so right.”
58:12 – Urged by Captain Sully Sullenberger, the San Francisco Library held a two-week amnesty period for overdue books. Sully had a library book in the cockpit with him when he crash-landed the plane in the Hudson River. After the crash he called his library and apologized for losing it in the crash. The library, in the two-week amnesty, received back 29,228 books. The oldest overdue book that came in was from 1947. It was a copy of George Bernard Shaw’s play “Man and Superman.” Its due date was Jan. 29, 1964. It was at the Presidio Branch. One apologetic patron named Antonio blamed his tardiness on a two-month abduction by aliens.
1:02:38 – A Bolivian TV station got an exclusive cell phone snapshot from the crash of the Air France 447 that was lost over the Atlantic on June 1. A team recovered a passenger’s Casio 2750 cell phone. The camera was destroyed but the memory card was intact. The only problem was the snap shot was a still from the pilot episode of Lost.
1:04:06 – Newly released tapes of President Richard Nixon were made public by the Nixon Presidential Library this week. The secret tapes include his thoughts on abortion. He made no public comment on Jan. 22, 1973, when the Supreme Court struck down laws criminalizing abortion in the Roe v. Wade case, but the next day in the White House he said, “There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black-and-white.”
3:25 – A company called Gene Partner wants to team up with a new online dating site called “Sense2Love” and add genetic matching to their growing database. Soon you’ll be easy to match up genetically.
5:32 – Father José Funes of the Vatican Observatory claimed that if aliens existed, they might not need redemption. Humanity might be the cosmos’ “lost sheep,” the 1 out of 100 in Jesus’ parable that wandered and needed special attention. If there are also intelligent beings, it’s not a given that they need redemption; they might have remained in full friendship with their creator.
7:53 – A company is unveiling a new technology that will allow soon-to-be moms the chance, using high-tech 3D modeling and ultrasound imagery to hold a lifesize replica of their baby from the size of a peanut until the days before actual birth. This will allow the parent to form a pre-natal bond with their child that will only strengthen their love and devotion. … Jonathan wonders about the next generation of this, which is the actual model growing in real time.
18:20 – The founder of Flickr.com, Caterina Fake, has launched a new search engine that she says is a “kind of shortcut through human expert systems.” Users are asked to answer around 1,500 questions about themselves on Hunch.com. Questions such as political orientation, status of their current interpersonal relationships, do you keep your closet organized, do you believe in UFOs?, etc. Hunch believes this large-scale data farming
21:43 – Seth tells us about Corey Feldman and his band, Truth Movement (Episode 079, 20:25). Feldman performed a free concert last weekend at the Universal Citywalk. Truth Movement compares themselves to Pink Floyd – they’re about technology, science and sound. Feldman comes out at the beginning cloaked, and is talking really low in a voiceover. Some of his dialogue: “In the beginning, a sign of things to come. And after the last meteor hit the ground, a new time was born. A new age was discovered. The first sign of life for man as he found his way through the icy caverns. Exploring this new world, and it was bestowed upon him. Men and women made families, created tribes and formed religion!” Seth said the show was pure rock-n-roll.
24:20 – A teenage hunter was convicted of second degree manslaughter for fatally shooting a hiker he had mistaken for a bear. Judge found 15-year-old Tyler J. Kales had not acted recklessly when he shot Pamela Almli on Sock Mountain north of Seattle, Wash. He’s going to be sentenced next week. They believe he’s going to get 3 months in a juvenile facility.
26:41 – Jon Bon Jovi is doing his part for the people of Iran. He’s recorded a cover version of “Stand By Me” and sung part of the lyrics in Farsi.
43:29 – Congratulations to Mississippi – for the fifth year in a row it is the country’s fattest state, followed closely by Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee.
56:18 – Mormon university BYU has lifted its ban on campus access to YouTube because of the increasing amount of educational materials available on the site. The school is granting access for the first time. The university has encouraged its students to use the tenets of their faith to avoid any objectionable material available on the site. That includes anything remotely erotic, indecent, pornographic, disorderly or obscene.
58:35 – A fifth-grade teacher in Sacramento, Calif., gave all her students a DVD to commemorate their school year. It included field trips, class presentations, etc. A father sat down with his young son, pulled up the menu screen with all the chapters on the TV. He watched one in which his son was featured, and pressed ‘Play.’ He watched a classroom scene with applause, and then it went to an abrupt cut of their fifth-grade teacher on her couch in her living room getting fucked. The father recalled his son’s shocked face and question, “Dad, is that Miss Defanti?” She is apparently mortified and doesn’t know how it’s happened. She’s called all the parents and begged to keep her job and dignity.
2:39 – Gold’s Gym has designated July as “Cankle Awareness Month.” According to Gold’s Gym, cankles are the fastest growing aesthetic affliction in the U.S. The summer brings skirts, shorts, capris, bare feet, sandals, etc., further drawing attention to this scourge. Seth claims that Jonathan’s younger brother, Ben, does not have to worry about this, because he had calf implant surgery (Episode 001, 40:43). Before he had the surgery Seth told him not to do it, but now he thinks it was worth it.
11:53 – Denny’s All-Nighter from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. – they’re playing alternative rock music, and encouraging young, hungry, drunk patrons to come in. They sponsor more than 30 emerging bands who get free meals on the road as long as they occasionally stop in at Denny’s after a show and do a post-show jam session. Denny’s servers are encouraged to chat up tipsy customers, says their spokesperson: “We want them to say, ‘Hey, it looks like you guys are having some fun tonight. Who wants some coffee now?’”
24:12 – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved the first at-home test kit for men to use after a vasectomy, to make sure they have achieved true serility. It’s called Sperm Check Vasectomy. It measures a protein called SP-10 that is present in each sperm head. The test may be useful because sperm can remain in the male reproductive tract for several weeks or months after a vasectomy procedure.
32:24 – TruTV’s website had executed prisoners last words. Early Wesley Berry in ’08: “No comment.” … Dale Devon Scheanette in Texas earlier this year: “Is the mic on?” … Michael Richard in Texas in ’07: “Let’s ride.” … James Jackson in Texas: “Warden, murder me. I’m ready to roll. It’s time to get this party started.” … George Harris in Missouri: “Somebody needs to kill my trial attorney.” … Thomas Grasso in Oklahoma: “Please tell the media I didn’t get my Spaghetti-O’s. I just got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” (Episode 013, 56:19)
34:28 – Facebook has a feature called Friend Suggestions, which analyzes your friends. … Jennifer Bates and her boyfriend of 3 years had a really bad breakup. She gets Friend Suggestions from Facebook of a profile of someone she “might know.” It is the ex-boyfriend, and he is holding his newborn baby, smiling – it was the newborn he had with the girl he was cheating with behind Jennifer’s back. … Tennesse resident Relámpago Negro keeps getting suggestions of the wife of her ex-boyfriend, along with the ex-boyfriend’s brother and all of his in-laws. … Jennifer Smith says that men she went out with one time keep popping back up.
38:49 – Discovery Times Square Exposition has an exhibit called “Titanic: The Artifacts.” You pay $20 and get a quasi-authentic boarding pass, you come out of the tour, and then are told you died.”
41:04 – According to GMAC Insurance, the 5th annual National Drivers Test analyzes Driver IQ on a state-by-state basis by asking 20 questions to more than 5,000 drivers throughtout the country. New York has the lowest Driving IQ, followed by Hawaii, New Jersey and California. Based on the results, 20% of current-day drivers (about 40 million) would not pass a written test if they took it right now. Drivers over 35 were most likely to pass, while 18- to 24-year-olds had the highest failure rate. Men were more likely than woman to pass (81% to 79%).
50:05 – Southwest Airlines has begun letting small dogs and cats fly with their owners for $75 each way.
51:48 – Audra Sigler Shay, the vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans, is under a bit of fire for comments made on her Facebook page. Her friend Eric Piker, July 1 at 1:54 p.m.: “Obama Bin Laden is the new terrorist. We need to take the country back from all these mad coons and illegals.” Audra Sigler at 2:02 p.m. on July 1: “You tell ’em, Eric. LOL.”
1:03:49 – In 2012, the iPhone looks as though it will finally be unlocked – with the ability to use any cell phone provider.
1:43 – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. He was charged more than $23 quadrillion. John Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number. He said he had to spend more than two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to explain to them what happened and not have to pay the $15 overdraft fee they charged him.
9:46 – The world’s longest yard sale, otherwise known as the U.S. 127 Corridor Sale, a 4-day, 654-mile annual extravaganza that stretches from West Unity, Ohio to Gadsden, Ala., has always begun the first week in August since 1987
13:50 – Harry and Pepper, two gay penguins living and loving at the San Francisco Zoo (Episode 116, 4:42) have been going strong for the last six years. Recently, Linda, another penguin who has just widowed, has started flirting with Harry, and they’re in a fully consummated relationship. Pepper is alone and super upset. Zookeeper Anthony Brown said that Linda did not want to be a single girl for too long.
19:12 – The country’s most popular state fair, the Iowa State Fair, will be held Aug. 13-23 in Des Moines. More than 1 million people will attend. The most popular attraction is the butter cow, a state fair staple since 1911. This year they will focus on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and will also include some kind of Michael Jackson sculpture. PETA is protesting the annual event and recommends that all the sculpture works be made using Earth Balance, a non-dairy buttery spread. The event is sponsored by the Midwest Dairy Association. Jah claims that Earth Balance is a quality butter substitute.
24:13 – Merriam Webster’s Dictionary has been published with a new edition for 2009 with some of the following new words: acai, fan fiction, flash mob, frenemy, goji (Episode 005, 5:17), locavore (Episode 030, 19:17), reggaeton, sock puppet, staycation (Episode 117, 12:45), webisode and zipline.
33:08 – Dual doggy door dangers – over 75,000 doggy doors are sold and installed in U.S. homes each year. The first is that small children can crawl through them and fall out into pools or off balconies. The other is a reverse boycott – when burglars come with their little children and have them go through the door, unlock it and let them in.
37:51 – Rachel Ferrera, 23, of Wisconsin, got home from work and found her boyfriend, 24-year-old Christopher Strabley, sitting on their couch, watching porn on the TV and masturbating. She called him “a fucking cheater.” She then kicked him in the nuts and stabbed him several times in the stomach with a kitchen knife, saying over and over again “you deserve it.” He drove himself to the hospital and is OK. She told police, “I think I hurt him bad.”
46:29 – Republican U.S. Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas has announced the introduction of legislation that he is backing called The Human Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009. This would ban the creation of genetically spliced human animals. Brownback: “Creating human animal hybrids, which permanently alter the genetic makeup of an organism will challenge the very definition of what it means to be human and is a violation of human dignity and a grave injustice. We will protect the dignity and sacredness of human life. It will protect the very essence of what it means to be human.”
54:28 – There’s currently an ongoing legal battle, and a battle amongst American women, between two different types of tampons – the Tampax Pearl and the Playtex Gentle Glide.
56:37 – An American company, MyDishBiz, posted a photograph of a couple on their website doing a testimonial. Underneath, the caption reads “Frank and Mary from New York,” along with a glowing testimonial about how they made easy money selling Dish network satellites from home and “We made over $1,000 alone from this internet business opportunity.” The couple in the picture are not Frank and Mary, but Ben and Catherine Mullany from Wales, who were murdered last summer while on their honeymoon in Antigua. The pic was downloaded without permission from an internet memorial site that was dedicated to them by friends and family.
3:15 – Many former Christians are getting de-baptized.
5:43 – Shannon Doherty was at the Hollywood Collectors and Celebrities Show in Burbank last weekend selling autographs and pictures. Her display listed her credits as Beverly Hills 90210, 90210, Mallrats, Scare Tactics and Charmed. She charged $25 for autographed photos, $40 for her Playboy cover, $50 for a nude photo and $20 for a photo op.
11:06 – It’s an African tradition for bare-breasted women to form a tunnel and greet soldiers who have returned from war. They heal the troops with their presence, easing the mental and physical toll on their return to daily life. The natural healing and energy of the topless women is soothing. Twenty-five women at the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art have taken this custom and acted upon it. They painted their breasts and pressed them against soft cloth and left their mark. They want to give them to returning soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.
21:18 – At the recent TED global conference, a professor claimed that a detailed, functional artificial human brain would be built within the next 10 years. “The Blue Brain Project” aims to reverse engineer the mammalian brain from laboratory data. In particular, the team of scientists and researchers have focused on the neocortical column, using a software model of over 10,000 different processors—each one simulating the total calculations that each neuron can deliver.
34:12 – In Utah, a 45-year-old female Social Studies teacher is arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old male student. It started out with simple texts. She is charged with rape of a child and sodomy of a child. In the same court, same city and same school, there is a 40-year-old teacher who’s about to go to trial because she’s been fucking the same kid. He’s 14 now. The 40-year-old math teacher is being charged with rape and forcible sodomy.
39:48 – As of Oct. 27, 2009, all new commercial airliners must come equipped with airbags in all of their seats.
41:41 – More than 100 pilots and other airline employees live in a makeshift colony of trailers and motor homes at the eastern end of LAX’s Parking Lot B.
46:44 – In Santa Ana, Calif., a man sued a local Claim Jumper restaurant because he was enjoying his French onion soup, chewing the melted cheese on top and realized he was chewing a condom. The attorney wants all employees to hand over DNA samples to match.
50:43 – Police are reporting that sexual assaults and indecency at Orlando waterparks are skyrocketing this summer.
2:06 – There are over 50,000 registered sex offenders in the United States as we speak. You can now get a new app for your iPhone called Offender Locator, which pinpoints the user by GPS and provides an immediate map listing of all peeds that are in the area. You can click on the pin, and it provides a picture of the dude, his address and what he did.
8:01 – AOL Radio has an all-Nickelback station. Some of the comments that were left on the station page: Fantastic. Now I can listen at work. … Wow. Absolutely amazing. Now I can listen to all their songs without interruption. … All Nickel for no dime. Great stuff. … Wow. All Nickelback. For no dimes. Wow. … This will be the best station. … Sweet. Total nonstop Nickelback. … Like a dream come true. I have gone through four sets of CDs and I’m about to replace them again. There were also a lot of comments from Eastern Europe asking for them to tour over there.
17:08 – Star magazine uncovers a relationship between Kenny Chesney and Jessica Simpson as a “Hot Summer Hookup.”
24:47 – UCLA has released their latest edition of the slang dictionary they put out every year. New inclusions are booty call, chillax, cross faded, sister from another mister, off the heezy, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), Obama (the slang term, not the name), etc.
27:06 – Princeton Review Top 10 Party Schools (Episode 031, 4:56) — 10) UC-Santa Barbara, 9) Florida State, 8) Wisconsin, 7) Texas, 6) West Virginia, 5) Ohio, 4) Georgia, 3) Mississippi, 2) Florida, 1) Penn State.
32:22 – Police in Lawrence, Ind., picked up a drunk and disorderly Asian man for booking. He was totally compliant, a simple man. Instead of filling out the paperwork with the standard legal name of John Doe, they thought it would be funny to call him Jackie Chan. Unfortunately, he’s a somewhat famous Chinese refugee who just arrived in the U.S. after spending 17 years in a Chinese prison being tortured for throwing paint on a picture of Mao Zedong. The group that brought him here were unable to locate him because he has no ID on him. As they were going around to local hospitals and jails they couldn’t find any John Doe because he was booked as Jackie Chan.
47:56 – Thursday-Sunday, Aug.6-9, in Cave In Rock, Ill., will be the 10th Gathering of the Juggalos (the crazy Insane Clown Posse fest).
56:50 – A writer for the Washington Post asked the city’s WNBA team, the Washington Mystics’ management, why, during their home games, there is no Kiss Cam. A spokeswoman for the team claims that “We get a lot of kids at our games and we didn’t want our fans seeing anything that could be deemed inappropriate.”
58:53 – The New York Times had an article about “When Do They Need A Fig Leaf?” talking about how old kids should be before they start running around butt naked. Jah thinks they should start dressing around the house when they have pubes.
3:00 – The USPS is about to begin closing down over 1,000 postal offices throughout the country. The USPS has lost over $4.7 billion this year. They expect to lose about $7 billion by October. Jah is trying to keep the USPS alive by sending all UYD t-shirts through the mail.
18:33 – Aug. 15-16 is the 40-year anniversary of Woodstock, not to be confused with 1994’s Woodstock 2, which Seth went to (Episode 019, 6:00). This was not the Woodstock that had the rape – that was 1999 – and was probably Limp Bizkit’s fault.’
36:46 – A blogger claims that you can block out Gmail ads by using “trigger words” within your e-mails. Jah explains how Google has a mechanism in it that reads your e-mails and tries to throw ads around the outside of your e-mail (Episode 173, 19:42; Episode 157, 11:46). People text Jah all the time saying it’s awesome that they get Uhh Yeah Dude ads, because Jah’s dad submitted a UYD ad 2 years ago. Jah doesn’t like it because you get inundated with it. The blogger has figured out that if you type in words like “suicide” and “911” the ads won’t show up. The ads only show up when your e-mail is “catastrophe-free.” Apparently you need one event and/or trigger word for every 167 words you use in a message. Words such as “incest,” “pedophile,” etc., all work. Jah thinks people need to have these embedded in their signatures at the bottom of each e-mail: On 9-11, my dog was raped by a pedophile alcoholic.
43:02 – Sarah Palin was on a 7-hour road trip with her family, and so she filled up the iPod with Kid Rock, Toby Keith and The Black-Eyed Peas. She said it was going to be “iPod heaven.”
48:06 – If you’ve found yourself looking for Radio Shacks recently and haven’t found any, that’s because Radio Shack is now officially, “The Shack.” Much like Pizza Hut is now “The Hut” (Episode 172, 30:42).
49:32 – A large pizza at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, if you stay at one of the suites, it costs $60 (no toppings).
53:27 – Seth gives Jonathan the top 10 singles on the charts this week in 1984: 10) Corey Hart – “Sunglasses At Night”; 9) Rod Stewart – “Infatuation”; 8) Dan Hartman – “I Can Dream About You”; 7) Bruce Springsteen – “Dancing In The Dark”; 6) Lionel Richie – “Stuck On You”; 5) Elton John – “Sad Songs Say So Much”; 4) Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”; 3) The Jacksons – “State of Shock”; 2) Prince – “When Doves Cry”; 1) Ray Parker Jr. – “Ghostbusters.” Jah recalls that Ray Parker Jr. got sued by Huey Lewis because he ripped off “I Want a New Drug.”
1:01:23 – There are over 1 trillion web addresses on the internet. There are 6.7 billion people in the world. There are 150 web addresses for every person. If you were to spend 1 minute on every website (assuming no more were ever created), it would take you 31,000 years.
3:48 – In Spokane, Wash., they have a complete and total ban on sales of dishwashing detergent that contain phosphates which run into the Spokane River and kill fish by depleting oxygen in the water. Residents are forced to drive 45 minutes across state lines to Couer d’Alene, Idaho, and smuggle over what they call “the good stuff” – non-green brand name products.
6:14 – All over California, classrooms have taken a severe hit because of the economic crisis. Because of this, the State Board of Education says that the schools will not be receiving any new textbooks until 2016 at the earliest. Students’ books will not have any references to President Obama, the mortgage crisis, the financial meltdown or climate change for at least six more years.
10:38 – With more people out of work, two professions are seeing a dramatic rise – DJs and stand-up comedians. Seth wants people to realize that DJing is not a real thing. Jah has pursued both of these professions, and can’t believe he pursued the two worst professions in the world.
13:33 – Mr. Skin, a website dedicated to every single nude scene in mainstream film/cinema. He has released his top 100 nude scenes of all time. Jah wonders if there was ever a situation in which Seth would beat off to a starlet, and he says never in a million years. The top five are: 5) Marisa Tomei in Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead; 4) Jessica Biel in Powder Blue; 3) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct; 2) Angelina Jolie in Gia; and 1) Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. After saying this one Jah thinks he might have beat off to that one.
26:01 – The Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (OCDF) held their annual conference last weekend in Minneapolis, featuring seminars and speakers.
1:25 – Back-to-school shopping is in full swing. Jah has been conversing with some listeners who were moving into their dorms for the first time. Seth says there are always battles between roommates as to who was going to bring the fridge and who was going to bring the microwave.
3:12 – In the upcoming fall TV preview of Entertainment Weekly. some of the magazines being mailed to New York and Los Angeles will include the first ever video player. It is a 2-inch screen that will play ads for Pepsi Max and the CBS new fall lineup.
6:55 – According to the Hygiene Council, these are the germiest spots in an average American home: 8) kitchen faucet, 7) baby changing table, 6) light switches, 5) microwave touch screen, 4) kitchen sponges, 3) pet food dish, 2) tub and shower, 1) TV remote control.
15:43 – On November 1, Philadelphia will become the first city in the country to ban cell phone use – including texting – while skateboarding, riding a bicycle or skating (inline or quad). They must use a hands-free device. A ticket will cost you $150.
24:30 – According to the ACLU and the Human Rights Watch, the following states have the highest level of corporal punishment for U.S. schoolchildren: 10) Missouri, 9) Florida, 8) Louisiana, 7) Oklahoma, 6) Tennessee, 5) Georgia, 4) Arkansas, 3) Alabama, 2) Mississippi, 1) Texas.
41:37 – A social media research firm took 2,000 tweets all in the English language over the span of 2 weeks, and found that 40.55% would go under the category of “Pointless Babble” posts.
47:41 – The Backstreet Boys have released a single from their new album called “This Is Us,” which drops on Oct. 6. They begin their tour on Oct. 30, sans Kevin.
49:29 – KISS will release their new album, “Sonic Boom,” also on Oct. 6. You have to go to Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club to buy it, because it will be sold there exclusively. While you’re at Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club, you can pick up the new Foreigner album “Can’t Slow Down” on Sept. 29.
56:47 – James Daniel of Indiana was arrested for setting up a meeting with a 13-year-old girl. He never fulfilled any of these fantasies but he was at the park with his condoms, etc. Police confiscated his computer, and in his subsequent trial they found out he was having explicit communication with another 13-year-old girl and another 15-year-old girl. It turned out that both of those were undercover police that did not know of the other two. He was having three different online relationships with undercover cops.
1:53 – Seth congratulates Green Bay, Wisc., which has their first black police officer in the 152-year history of their police force. There are 100,000 people living in Green Bay.
2:41 – Bob Dylan will be recording his Christmas album called Christmas In The Heart, with such songs as “Winter Wonderland” and “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Proceeds will go to the charity Feeding America.
3:51 – Bob Dylan has also been in talks with 2 major car companies for providing the voice for their GPS
10:28 – The Rolling Stones have been named the world’s most expensive wedding band. They will play anywhere in the world for $8.25 million. If you’re on a budget, you can get Lady GaGa or Katy Perry for $100,000
19:44 – The Marc Pease Experience is a feature film comedy starring Jason Schwartzman and Ben Stiller. It was released last Friday in 10 U.S. cities: San Francisco, Philadelphia, Miami, Chicago, Dallas, Cleveland, Minneapolis, Seattle, Sacramento and Boston. It made $3,000 in its opening weekend. Seth compares this to a Zyzzyx Road sitch (Episode 046, 39:02).
20:59 – Someone has hacked into the Sears.com website and managed to change info under the deparment store section under “Grills,” which had “Human Cooking” and grills for cooking babies and other body parts. Jah likes this because it’s cyber-graffiti, but Seth says swatting isn’t as harmless (Episode 097, 46:37).
23:05 – Scientists at the Brain Institute at the University of Utah altered a single gene in the brain of a female worm and were able to turn her into a lesbian worm.
33:43 – The 24th annual Imagen Awards were held in Los Angeles this week. This is an awards show that recognizes and celebrates film and television offerings that feature positive portrayals and uplifting portraits of both Latinos and the Latino culture. The award this year for Best Movie went to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
34:44 – 365Black.com is a McDonald’s website for blacks. Meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald’s. Quote from their press release: “Like the unique African Baobab Tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African American community, nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.”
42:14 – Starbucks has announced they will begin raising prices up to 30 cents on harder-to-make drinks while reducing prices on easier-to-make coffees up to 15 cents. This doesn’t help Jah because his drinks are wicked complicated – right now his drink is an iced grande soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. He has downsized (Episode 112, 27:19, Episode 003, 32:44). This works for Seth because a small black coffee will go from $1.60 to $1.45. The changes will roll out to all 11,800 Starbucks stores nationwide.
43:21 – Beloit College in Wisconsin has the Mindset List for the Class of 2013 (students who were born in 1991). In their lifetimes: Salsa has always outsold and been more popular than ketchup … Magic Johnson has always been HIV Positive … Tattoos have always been super chic and highly visible … Rap music has always been mainstream … Condoms have always been advertised on television … There’s always been a computer in the Oval Office … There’s always been blue Jell-O.
56:29 – There is a loophole in the law in Rhode Island where indoor prostitution is legal.
7:26 – The U.S. Forest Service has issued a warning to the public to be aware and extra vigilant while spending time in Colorado’s National Parks and Forests. The agency said that campers who eat “tortillas, drink Tecáte beer and play Spanish music could be armed marijuana growers.”
8:32 – There will be a Rambo 5. Rambo will fight his way through human traffickers and drug lords to rescue a young girl who’s been abducted near the U.S. – Mexico border.
10:39 – 37-year-old mailman James Stempnick was charged with delaying and stealing mail after federal agents recovered more than 20,000 pieces of mail from his suburban Detroit home. It was all over his house, garage and car.
24:25 – On January 29, 2038, the internal clock for Unix will turn over, and the operating system runs a lot of business computer databases. Those servers are going to overflow Y2K style and will flip over into all zeroes. Experts are divided on what will happen. They’re referring to it as Y2K38
27:58 – Seth refers to The Mark Pease Experience (Episode 181, 19:44), which is up to around $4,000 now. There was a movie released called The Open Road starring Justin Timberlake playing Jeff Bridges’ son. It opened in 14 theatres and made about $13,000.
31:58 – DePaul University in Chicago is offering a new class this semester that will focus on Twitter. The Journalism course is called “Digital Editing – From Breaking News to Tweets.”
40:48 – The Huffington Post had a column by Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships and she wrote about an ancient sex technique about avoiding the orgasm. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse, a.k.a. “slow boning.” Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. It is called angelic dual cultivation, or reserved embrace.
46:55 – Starbucks has some writing on their brand new cups: “We don’t just want to make your drink, we want to make your day.”
57:13 – The Honolulu City Council has been considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine or six months in jail for bus riders that are convicted of smelling badly. It would be “illegal to have an odor that disturbs others.”
1:01:26 – Boston Market has an ad campaign they’re doing now that says WE’RE HAPPY TO FRESHLY TOSS YOUR SALAD. JUST ASK. Jah knows it’s a gross sexual term but it’s so old that he’s forgotten what it is. He asks Seth if it gets done to him or if he does it to people. Seth cracks up because Jah faux-grabbed something in his nether regions when he asked the question.
3:38 – Police are trying to figure out what to do about 37-year-old Dave VonTesmar. He’s gotten 37 photo radar speeding tickets in Phoenix, Az., but he’s wearing a monkey face mask in all of the photographs. When he receives the picture of him running through the light he mails the ticket with his license and the picture saying PROVE IT’S ME. Vontesmar is a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.
7:21 – Hugh Hefner is finally divorcing his wife Kimberly Conrad and many of his assets have been put out in the open. He still earns an income from Playboy magazine - $29,000 a week. In his home in Holmby Hills, he has $306,548 in cash in the study. He has $36 million in stocks and bonds and $6 million in an unnamed joint account. … Seth wants to know if Playboy will die if Hefner dies or if it will go on. Jonathan says yes. He also wants to know if it will be drastically different or extreme. Jah talks about how Hef’s daughter started incorporating pussy lips when she took over (Episode 147, 53:02).
22:10 – A hot new trend with Christian couples is staying faithful online, sharing e-mail addresses and passwords for all online accounts. Jah’s down with it. It’s called Biblical Accountability.
34:58 – A new rehab facility called Restart is an internet addiction rehab.
36:32 - Seth references a news story from earlier in the year, when they took a bunch of Mormon kids out of a compound. The only visual the kids had was adult penis. The kids were being shown TV upon being released and one of the little kids was like, "I thought it was junk." Seth wanted to ring the kid's neck.
46:05 – 365black.com (Episode 181, 34:44) has the McDonald’s DJ Flavor Battle going on. LA-based DJ Spinderella is repping the Big Mac, Brian Michael Cox of Houston and Miami is repping the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and Miami-based DJ Irie – the DJ of the Miami Heat and Jamie Foxx – is repping the Angus Third Pounder with Bacon and Cheese. Jah is going with Spinderella all day long.
47:02 – In Big Mac news, test markets are thoroughly enjoying the Big Mac Snack Wrap, which is a Big Mac burrito – essentially some beef, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a flour tortilla instead of a sesame seed bun (Cali style).
50:22 – The American Cinematheque is going to give a Lifetime Achievement Award to 38-year-old actor Matt Damon.
53:40 – Swine Flu is taking over college dorms and has started H1N1 Quarantine Dorms at Washington State, Alabama, Purdue and Emory.
56:07 – Parents at an elementary school in South Carolina have asked the school district to move up a bus stop that currently has kids getting on and off the bus in front of a registered sex offender’s house.
57:52 – Newsweek asked “Is This Baby Racist?” It profiles the book Nurture Shock which followed a multicultural school in San Diego. Out of 100 kids they gave 50 kids blue shirts and 50 kids red shirts. For 6 weeks they never said one word about the differences, the kids did everything – recess, homework, etc. When they split them up and gave them a questionnaire, the kids said that their own color was smarter and the other color was meaner.
2:47 – The Boston Phoenix has coined a new phrase called “retrosexuals” (Episode 087, 38:55), which is people going on to Facebook to find old boyfriends and girlfriends from high school and college to hook up again. It’s a mixture of both intense nostalgia and interest.
9:36 – 34-year-old Matthew Eaton and his 26-year-old wife, Laura, went on Dr. Phil last year, to talk about how they made a living of more than $100,000 a year by shoplifting and selling their stuff on the internet. A federal grand jury has recently indicted them after a prosecutor saw the episode and sent sheriffs to their home and found over 500 boxes of stolen merchandise.
16:20 – Deep in the Arizona desert, several dozen Buddhists are preparing to undergo a mind-altering, spiritual journey – 3 years, 3 months and 3 days of total and complete silence, with no word from the outside world. All the participants will cook for themselves in cabins equipped with kitchens and bathrooms. Each participant will need around $75,000 to build the cabin and pay for 3 years of food and supplies – lentils, rice, beans, potatoes, vegetables, solar panels and propane tanks. There will be a newlywed couple that will communicate only through gestures and facial expressions. They will not be able to have sex because it will drain their Prana.
22:23 – The citizens of Philadelphia have to return all their library books as soon as they can, no later than Thursday, Oct. 1. On Friday, Oct. 2, all public libraries in the city will be closed.
33:35 – Abercrombie & Fitch has sued Beyoncé, saying that her plan to sell a fragrance named after her alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, violates the teen clothing retailer’s trademark on their line of men’s fragrance called “Fierce.” A&F, since 2003, has held the trademark on the word “Fierce.” Jonathan has smelled the shit before (Episode 114, 48:35) and it’s not fierce at all.
39:17 – L.A. weatherman Fritz Coleman is a local celeb, stand-up comic and the mayor of Toluca Lake. Jah explains the phrase “Fritz said it would be like this,” (Episode 057, 43:57) which is what people said to each other when it started raining. A community college geography instructor, Melanie Renfrew, flooded Coleman with e-mails and rambling letters explaining her romantic interest in him, saying “God was talking to her.” She’s pleaded guilty to violating a restraining order that prohibited her from communicating with him. It gets thrown out if she leaves him alone for a year, but she won’t stop. Renfrew said in an e-mail to the Los Angeles Times: “Fritz Coleman’s charges against me are libel and slander. I could sue for millions and I’d win.” She said in a telephone interview that she started writing to Coleman because she thought his characterization of on-shore and off-shore air patterns during weather reports were wrong and she wanted to alert him to that: “I was called a criminal for being normal.” According to a court file, she invited him to an intimate Thanksgiving dinner, and that following Christmas told him, “You can come and camp in my backyard.”
42:46 – Skygazers all over the world were witnesses to a mysterious glowing nighttime show this week. It turns out it was Space Shuttle Discovery throwing out 10 days of astronaut urine and feces into the galaxy after undocking from the international space station. 150 pounds of the waste and water froze before solar heat melted it and it turned into vapor.
44:47 – Almost half of all college cafeterias in the U.S. have reduced food waste and cut water usage by eliminating cafeteria trays.
55:05 – The new BodyWorlds exhibit opened in Zurich this week. It’s called “Cycles of Life” and it has plastinated bodies in different poses and scenes. This time the bodies are all boning.
1:01:05 – The mayor of Clarksville, Tenn., Johnny Piper, has come under fire for forwarding an e-mail to all city employees telling them that they need to oppose postage stamps honoring 2 Islamic holidays ordered by Muslim president Barack Obama. The stamps have been around for 8 years. After Piper receives criticism, he says he has a lot of Muslim friends.
3:41 – Bed manufacturers have been appealing to men with upscale beds and mattresses. Some of them offer things like muscle recovery properties, as well as ones with built-in TVs, mini coolers, iPods and safes, etc.
6:39 – Shaheed Wright feared that police were closing in on him, so he hid bags of cocaine in his son’s jacket pockets. He told his son it was just candy, and when the 4-year-old got to his day care center in Newark, N.J., he began handing out this “candy” to his friends. The boy and 3 of his friends were rushed to the hospital after the teacher found one of the bags on the floor.
11:07 – A man in Utah, who police say posed as a licensed massage therapist, has been arrested for sexually assaulting 2 women. His name is Robert Battle. He was working at a fitness center where he was doing his own style of massage. He told one woman her body wasn’t really holding prior massage work, so he needed to do some “internal work,” and performed a vaginal massage. Another woman said Battle covered her with a sheet but had to remove it later on to get to a massage point by her vagina.
14:52 – The iCub is a small-sized humanoid robot about the size of a 3-1/2-year-old child, and he wants to party with Seth and fight Jonathan.
20:05 – Firefighters had to be called to the ER of a Newport Beach hospital to help save a man’s penis. It got stuck on the hole of a steel dumbbell. The man was apparently trying to enlarge the size of his penis, but it had swollen up in and around the dumbbell. He initially refused treatment. Firefighters told him that if they didn’t cut through the weight his penis would die. It took about 2 hours to cut it apart.
23:56 – Expert nautical deep-sea oceanographers have discovered a very new strange species of shark called the ghost shark. Discovered off the California coast, it has a sexual organ of some sort on its head that is a club with spikes that come out of it. It’s either to fuck the female or hold down the female it’s fucking. Jonathan thought a “ghost shark” was when you’re sharking somebody, you get right up to their face to nut and you bitch out and can’t do it (Episode 171, 57:26).
33:02 – Douglas Parks, a 50-year-old Postal Service supervisor, has admitted to taking 16,000 Best Buy Rewards certificates from a major distribution center and buying almost $200,000 in merchandise—including 7 37-inch LCD TVs and 37 iPods. A Massachusetts postal worker, Miles Weathers, has also admitted to stealing more than 3,000 Netflix DVDs from his local office.
48:58 – The mayor of a small town in South Carolina, Sally Peek, had to revoke an order she had given out to her police force earlier in the week after others had heard about it and reacted unfavorably. She had banned the town police officers from chasing suspects on foot. She asked for this to stop after a cop was hurt while running after a man with crack cocaine on him, fell down and hurt himself. She said a drug possession charge was not worth the cost to taxpayers in this economic time.
54:14 – Phoenix, Az., has been dubbed the Kidnapping Capital of America. More incidents than any city in the world outside of Mexico City – over 370 cases in 2008. A home invasion task force has been established to combat this. This scares Jonathan.
4:24 – Captain Sully was back in the cockpit for the first time since his Jan. 15 Miracle on the Hudson. It was the same flight, but this time it was from Charlotte to New York. He arrived 7 minutes earlier. Passengers, at least 2 who were on the original flight, erupted in cheering when they heard the announcement, “This is your captain, Chesley Sullenberger.”
8:03 – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah brings up the Breast Cancer Awareness Stamps, which claim to “stamp out cancer,” as opposed to Yoplait’s unfortunate slogan, “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09; Episode 085, 33:45; and Episode 157, 57:22).
15:55 – The Sex Degrees of Separation – when you’ve fucked someone, you’ve fucked everybody that they’ve fucked. You’re sleeping with their previous partners and the previous partners’ previous partners as well. If you were to take 6 generations of partners, you have slept with, on average, somewhere in the region of 2.8 million people, and a shitload of those were dudes.
26:03 – When is a person a person? Abortion foes, led by Colorado-based pro-life group called Personhood USA, have revived efforts to make life begin at the point of conception. Critics call it the “Egg-as-Person Movement.”
28:03 – Timothy Daniel Dolezal, 57, of Penndel, Penn., was arrested after police discovered he was sharing images of child pornography on various file sharing pedophile sites. Authorities went to his home with a search warrant when they calculated that he had over 1,000 dowloaded images and files. However when police arrived at his house he was also feverishly striking his computer with a metal bar.
30:12 – The Simmons Company, the maker of Seth’s Simmons BeautyRest California King mattress (Episode 120, 48:06)—the love of his life—have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The mattress allows Seth to replenish and restore. Jah declares that he’s going to buy a new mattress once he gets some money.
31:14 – Seth reads a clipping from the Los Angeles Times that he warns us is pretty crazy: “Former reality TV show contestant Brian Randone, 45, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to charges of torturing and killing his girlfriend, 31-year-old Felicia Tang Lee. Prosecutors allege that Randone, a Christian minister and contestant on the 2000 FOX television show, Sexiest Bachelor in America, tortured and suffocated Lee in the home they shared in the 500 block of W. Duarte Road in Monrovia. Lee was pronounced dead Sept. 11 after Randone called police to report that she was not breathing. Lee, a model and actress who has appeared in adult films, met Randone at a pool at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas six months ago.”
34:57 – Pittsburgh police unveiled a new weapon at the G20 protests. It’s called the LRAD, in essence a sound cannon that emits a fast, high-pitched alarm similar to a car alarm, but over 150 decibels. It mimics a gunshot next to your ear. It is the first time it’s been used in the United States to handle American citizens.
39:12 – Seth read an article about an apartment complex, the Villa Valentino, up by the Hollywood Bowl. Back in December of 2008 on a Friday night, the new owner calls everybody down to the courtyard and tells everyone about a gas leak. He says there’s moving fans coming in to take care of them. Finally somebody gets an official on the phone, and they claim they have no idea what they’re talking about. The owner had sold the apartments to some place that wanted to turn it into a boutique/hotel, so she made up the story so there would be voluntary evictions and once their shit was out, they were out. Seth compares it to the gas leak in Seth’s apartment in Episode 089, 23:16, except that one was real.
41:49 – Scientists have confirmed that the premier flu-fighting drug Tamiflu (Episode 105, 15:07), is contaminating rivers downstream from sewage treatment facilities. The source is urinary excretion by people taking the powerful medicine. Concerns are building that birds, who are natural influenza carriers, are being exposed to a waterborne Tamiflu residue, and then might develop and then spread potent, new drug-resistant strains of a higher power.
1:01:06 – Tufts University in Massachusetts has enacted a new policy in their campus dorm rooms banning any sexual activity while a roommate is in the same room.
3:05 – The AMA is considering taking white coats out of commission for good. One of the reasons is the fact that doctors are dirty people and don’t wash them and they’re covered in bacteria. There’s also a trend in younger doctors who claim “white coat hypertension,” which asserts that our heart rate and blood pressure go up when we see a doctor wearing one. In a survey, 76% of people said it does evoke trust and confidence in them. Only 10% of them like the idea of them being in scrubs, 9% in business attire, and 5% say casual clothing. Jah claims that the doctors in L.A. get super casual, not wearing anything underneath their scrubs, etc.
5:48 – Seth asks Jah if he tried out for the Hunky Santa auditions at the Beverly Center (Episode 145, 11:15).
9:23 – In an effort by undercover officers in Georgia to crack down on prostitution in local massage parlors, recent arrests have led to the arrest of one woman named Mi Suk Yang
9:43 – Kleenex has a new website, getmommed.com.
21:18 – Since the dawn of the human race, roughly 50,000 BC, the world’s population of homo sapiens has reached 6.8 billion people. We reached 6 billion in 1999. We will hit 7 billion by 2011.
36:14 – Paul Lyle has plead guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his job as a radio executive at American Media Investments. He did it to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. While awaiting his sentencing, he won $96,000 on a scratcher.
39:32 – According to specialized agents at the United Nations, there are 750,000 sexual predators constantly prowling the internet in a bid to get in contact with children.
44:45 – The Jet Propulsion Laboratory has recently downgraded the chances of Asteroid Apophis stroking the earth off on April 13, 2036. The odds were recently changed from a 1-in-45,000 chance to a 1-in-250,000 chance.
45:47 – A retired baseball player named Bernard Gilkey, 43, is best known for his brief appearance in the 1997 film Men In Black where he’s distracted by a spaceship at Shea Stadium and a baseball hits him in the head. He last played for the Arizona Diamondbacks in 1998, 1999 and 2000, before retiring in 2001. The league deferred huge amounts of money to the teams to allow them to upgrade players, etc. They had to start paying out monies owed to players, and began doing this in 2004. Gilkey received his first check in 2004 for $1 million and got checks of the same value through 2009, and will continue to get them through 2017.
50:23 – Transportation officials have deemed distracted driving a menace to society.
51:09 – Here are some sweet movies we can look forward to seeing: Asteroids, based on the 1979 Atari arcade game; Viewmaster, based on the toy that creates 3-D images in binoculars; Lego, the kids’ building blocks game; Battleship, Hasbro’s naval war game; Monopoly; Candy Land; and Ouija.
0:53 – In Texas there’s a PSA running called Drink Safe Texas: “How long does it take to spike a drink? You wanna see it again?” There’s a coaster they’re making where you take a dropper and put booze on it, and it tells you if there’s GHB or K in your drink.
5:25 – According to 17th century Archbishop of the Church of Ireland, James Usher, the world was created at nightfall on Oct. 23, 4004 BC. This Friday, creation is 6,012 years old.
7:09 – UYD college listeners are telling Jah that they have H1N1 and that LeBron James has it. Jah thought everyone was past it.
7:48 – Because of the H1N1, all waiting rooms are removing magazines, Catholic churches are not having chalice offerings and not giving any more sign of peace handshakes.
18:14 – Pennsylvania officials have arrested a man who used Facebook to ask his own daughter for sex. His name is John Forehand and he proposed meeting the girl for sex and explained graphic sex acts in detail, telling her “not many other fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience all these pleasures.” Police found him at the meeting place where he had asked his daughter to come. He had cameras and condoms
21:08 – As a result of the chilly weather, there is a shortage of pumpkin and pie filling because of the breakdown in bad weather and trucks not getting there. Shoppers are finding bare shelves. Although we may not have our pumpkins for Halloween, we should have them for Thanksgiving.
32:17 – 47-year-old Brian Johason of Chicago took his computer in to be fixed. Techs found a folder entitled “Sex With 12-year-old.”
37:53 – Many members of the Mormon faith are taking to heart a decades-old directive from leaders of the faith that they should be prepared for upcoming natural disasters by stockpiling at the very least one year’s worth of food, grains, pastas, potato flakes in bulk, canned fruits and vegetables. Jah isn’t totally opposed to that concept because people assume too much about their stability as a civilization sometimes.
39:35 – Angelo Crippa of Santa Barbara is an 82-year-old avid amateur mushroom hunter. He picked some mushrooms, but unfortunately they were a strain of Death Angel Mushrooms that looked almost identical to another form of edible mushrooms. He has a routine of sautéing them, offered them to his wife, then ate them. He said “Those were the best mushrooms I’ve ever eaten.” Angelo never woke up after he went to bed.
41:19 – New Scientist magazine has reported on new work being done to create a version of the coating that protects and nurtures the fetus while in the womb – Vernix caseosa. It’s an artificial mixture of baby butter, which can be used to hydrate or maintain pH balances, fight infections and protect skin exposed to light.
42:27 – A woman in Columbus, Ohio rented a limousine, rolled it up to a Burlington Coat Factory, told everyone in the store she won the lottery and to get anything they want. Everyone went buck wild and called everyone they knew to buy stuff, then she got in the limo and drove off – totally kidding. Then a full riot ensued. The only reason she got caught is because after she got dropped off she didn’t even pay the limo driver.
47:40 – There’s a dude who was putting on fake war medals saying he was in Afghanistan doing it for America. He was arrested and charged with stolen valor.
49:22 – There’s a growing trend by people in the running community to run barefoot. Seth read something that said “Your feet are in a prison – let them out.”
5:03 – Rumors in the parenting world are abuzz that screaming is the new spanking. Fewer and fewer parents are spanking their kids.
10:45 – The Blair LLC, a fine chenille women’s robe company, has had to recall several styles due to their tendency to light on fire when women are cooking.
41:54 – In an effort to force consumers toward buying more movies, major film studios are considering a new policy that make DVDs unavailable for rental until several weeks after going on sale.
50:13 – IwatchLA.org is a terrorist watch website started by the LAPD. If you see, hear or smell something suspicious, report it. It tells LA to narc out anything that might be terrorist, but just features testimonials of LA peeps.
51:39 – The Republican National Committee has unveiled their new website, GOP.com. Chairman Michael Steele said, “It’s not really a website, it’s a platform.” His blog on the website was called “What Up?” and now it’s called “Change The Game.” Steele also said “The internet’s been around a while now.”
55:57 – Seth read that in Huntsville, Ala., all the registered sex offenders must attend a mandatory meeting on Saturday night, Oct. 31, to be able to keep tabs on them while trick-or-treaters are out.
6:15 – Following rival CostCo, Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has begun selling caskets and urns on its website. Prices are lower than many funeral homes. Caskets ship within 48 hours. They range from the low-cost steel models, called “Mom Remembered” or “Dad Remembered” for about $1,000, to mid-range “Executive Privilege” caskets for about $1,700, to a bronze casket for $3,200.
9:53 – First DirecTV used in 2008 Craig T. Nelson to sell their programming package. The commercial showed a scene from the movie Poltergeist with Heather O’Rourke saying “They’re here.” She died at 12 years old. The new spots show David Spade in a wig playing his Tommy Boy character, and it features a dead Chris Farley.
14:42 – Twitter followers are going to engage in their very first “Twéance,” a séance using Twitter. A very famous medium will take Twitter questions for William Shakespeare, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain and Michael Jackson.
23:23 – BIG Cinemas, headquartered in Mumbai, India, currently has 18 movie theaters in the United States. They cater to the 2.5 million Indians living in the U.S., many in San Jose, Calif., and North Bergen, N.J. They serve Indian-esque concessions, including curry popcorn and mango lassis. A popular current film is the Tamil action thriller Aadhavan, starring hunk Surya Sivakumar, who is so popular that fans break out in applause when he appears on screen.
27:47 – According to a report by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, after surveying 7,000 people they’ve found that people who cheated on exams in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest as adults.
30:12 – Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been suspended and charged with animal cruelty. Four of the officers were in new and were in training to become canine handlers. The training officer was videotaped by the trainees masturbating his German Shepherd police dog. He was quoted as saying, “If you masturbate your canine unit, you will have greater control over it.”
34:53 – Jamie Aguirre, 42, was pulled over in Ohio for a routine traffic stop. When police looked in his car they found hundreds of x-rays. They found out that Aguirre is also a lab tech at a local imaging center and the x-rays were of womens’ mammograms and young girls’ knees and elbows. Police believe he was using the x-rays to masturbate to.
43:56 – Ohio officials were not having any luck with their new “Click It Or Ticket” slogan showing a driver and a passenger in the car with their seatbelts on. The state has a large Somalian refugee population and they didn’t understand the ticket because they have no government and the word “ticket” doesn’t mean anything. They altered the slogan with the Somali phrase underneath to try to convey the overall feeling and motivation of the ad. It now reads, “Strap It Or Lose Your Livestock.”
51:21 – Two Southern California high schools have been the first to draft dance contracts – binding agreements students must sign before they can step on the dance floor at high school dances. They state that there will be no sexually suggestive dancing – no freaking, no grinding, no straddling, no touching of the breasts and/or buttocks, no sexual bending, no cleavage exposure of undergarments and no excessive skin. If these rules are broken the students must leave and cannot attend future dances. “Freak patrols” will monitor the dancers and can even take pics and e-mail them to parents.
58:23 – Starbucks Via is a hit and is exceeding expectations, so they’re now going to introduce a decaffeinated version on November 17.
1:39 – Andre Agassi released an autobiography that has some curious details in it. He used crystal meth for about 1 ½ years in the late 90s. He went bald very young and his awesome hair was actually various hair pieces and wigs that he modeled together. He said he lost the 1990 French Open at the age of 20 because he was so preoccupied with the poorly glued hairpiece he and his brother made the night before. Before his marriage to Brooke Shields, she wanted him to lose some weight for the photos. For motivation, she put a picture of tennis player Steffi Graf on the refrigerator. Two years after he divorced Shields, he married Graf.
4:57 – According to Real Simple magazine, the number of days the flu virus can remain on a dollar bill is 17 days.
11:57 – A career clairvoyant with a sixth sense and a counseling background, Sue Frederick, a career intuitive and the author of I See Your Dream Job, available through St. Martin’s Press for $17, can predict your next career move and help you plan for it. A session with you will entail providing her with a birth name, DOB and current or most recent career title. She then meditates on these facts, has visions of the client’s possible career path and sometimes will have dreams where a client’s departed loved one will come and give her insight into what that living person’s new career should be. She’s helped an architect become a published author, a Wall Street banker start a food delivery business and a corporate lawyer switch to teaching.
14:08 – Two people, Keith King, 61, and Stacy King, 38, were arrested this week in Phoenix suspected of stealing more than 1,000 pieces of luggage from the baggage claim carousels at the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. Three weeks ago, police saw Keith King park his car, go into the ticketing area and take a bag that wasn’t his. He was released but police put him under surveillance. They followed him back to the airport, watched him take a back, followed him home and upon arriving one officer said, “The amount of luggage inside the residence was almost surreal.”
20:06 – Michelle Triola Marvin passed away this week. She was the ex-lover of Lee Marvin. They lived together and never got married, thus her lawyer added the phrase “palimony” into American culture when she filed a lawsuit for part of his estate. She was quoted during the trial, “If a man wants to leave his toothbrush at my house, he better bloody well marry me.”
23:31 – The Pentagon has teamed up with Taser International (Episode 075, 28:46; Episode 099, 28:07) to build a grenade launcher that would shoot electric shock projectiles from up to 150 feet away that could then incapacitate a perp for up to 3 minutes. It’s called the Hemi Human Electro Muscular Incapacitator.
39:05 – Analysis by Kayak.com, a leading travel search engine, says that the demand for plane tickets both on Sept. 11 and all Friday the 13ths is so low that prices are up to 14% lower on those days. This week there will be a Friday the 13th, so keep that in mind.
4:18 – Mangagement rings are being bought by women for their fiancés. They’re made of very masculine materials such as steel, tungsten and cobalt. They can cost anywhere from $300 to $1,000.
8:41 – According to a poll conducted by Consumer Reports, 36% of Americans plan on regifting this year as opposed to 31% in 2008 and 24% in 2007. Retailers are battling each other to attract limited dollars so we might have a “Cutthroat Christmas” with stores constantly trying to outdo each other.
9:58 – Wal-Marts are going to be keeping most of their U.S. locations open overnight on Thanksgiving. They’re going to stay open up to Black Friday morning to help ease the crowding and chaos that led to the trampling death of a store employee last year.
20:31 – Bullet makers are working around the clock seven days a week and still can’t keep up with the nation’s demand for ammunition. Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they’ve never seen anything like it. It’s called the Obama Effect. Gun enthusiasts have been stocking up on ammo, many of them 1,000 rounds per weapon. Many Wal-Marts are capping the sale to one box, which would be 50 rounds per customer.
23:54 – At any moment, about 20 million of the estimated 1 billion internet-connected PCs worldwide are infected with a virus so severe they can give hackers full control. Law enforcement officials in the U.S. are warning of cases where pedophiles deposit child porn videotapes on your home computer to remotely view later. Hackers can also make your computer itself view up to 40 child porn sites per minute.
28:43 – Arsenio Hall is denying rumors in the National Enquirer that he and Paula Abdul have rekindled their romance from 1989 and are seeing each other again. He claims they’re just very close friends. On this note Seth reads off other 1989 romances so we can imagine them together now at The Grove: Madonna & Sean Penn, George Clooney & Kelly Preston, Jennifer Gray & Johnny Depp and Corey Feldman & Drew Barrymore.
30:56 – Pam McLaurin, a 20-year veteran school teacher in East Texas, has refused to submit her fingerprints to be digitized and stored in a computer database, saying that she will have assumed what the book of Revelation calls “the mark of the beast.” She submitted verses from Rev. 13 and 14 that said she would be tormented with fire and sulphur in the presence of the holy angels and the lamb.
35:38 – Irene Villar is a 40-year-old literary agent who has just published a brutally frank new memoir called Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict. When she was 16 years old she met her first husband – a 50-year-old professor of Latin American Literature at Syracuse University. Over the course of their relationship, from age 16 to 33, she had 15 abortions.
52:55 – Starting this Wednesday, Best Buy will begin selling fitness equipment at 40 of its stores in the U.S. Said a spokesman, “We’re looking to find ways to fill the center of the store.” Seth assumes this is because there used to be enormous music sections, but not so much anymore.
55:56 – Jelly Belly Candy Company is recalling about 6,000 containers of its “49 Flavors” packages because they contain peanut butter flavored jelly beans, but the company didn’t list peanut butter or flour on the ingredients label.
1:25 – Final numbers were released by the USPS concerning the 2008 business year. Despite reducing the hours of over 40,000 postal workers, closing hundreds of outlets and eliminating many streetside mailboxes, they still managed to lose $3.8 billion - $1 billion more than the $2.8 billion they lost in 2007. 2009 looks to be the worst yet already at $1.77 billion.
5:14 – Farrah Fawcett’s will, dated August 2007. She’s left $4.5 million to her and Ryan O’Neal’s 24-year-old son, Redmond, who is currently living in a residential drug treatment center in Los Angeles. She left $100,000 to an ex-boyfriend and left nothing to Ryan O’Neal. Seth says this is what happens when you try to bone down with your daughter at Farrah’s funeral (Episode 178, 45:05). Jah recalls reading a term about them called “injustice collectors,” where great injustices were done to them throughout the course of their lives – because they always put themselves in situtations where that could happen.
8:00 – According to the last Rasmussen National Telephone Survey, 26% of employed adults polled said they have seriously considered that someone that they worked with was capable of mass violence. Seth wonders if he can use the phrase “go postal,” but Jah says not to do it unless you’re “a 40-year-old dong.” Jah says he sees someone daily who’s capable of mass violence.
21:06 – The Pontiac Silverdome in the suburbs of Detroit, Mich., has been out of use for a couple years now. It was the former home of the Lions and Pistons, was built in 1975 and cost $55 million. Elvis played there New Year’s Eve 1975. Led Zeppelin played for 76,000 people in April 1977. Wrestlemania III in March 1987 had 93,000 spectators. Pink Floyd performed Dark Side of the Moon there in its entirety in July 1994, and it was the first time they had played it since 1975. … It just sold to a Canadian real estate company for $583,000.
29:36 – Since 1954, letters from kids addressed to Santa Claus in the North Pole have been forwarded by the USPS to volunteers in the small Alaskan town of North Pole. Volunteers then reply to the letters signing them as Santa’s elves and helpers, as part of “Operation Santa.” This program has been stopped after a postal worker in Maryland discovered that one of the guys in the program was a registered sex offender. Jah thinks this might be one of the reasons the USPS is losing money.
38:35 – The sluttiest species in the Animal Kingdom: 1) The Garter Snakes – they form a giant writhing mass of up to 30,000 snakes in hopes that one of them close by will be female that they can bone down with; and 2) The Topi Antelope – female antelopes only breed one day per year, but on that day they will bone the entire dude with up to five other dudelopes.
41:08 – Larry Hagman and his wife Maj have listed their longtime mountaintop home in Ojai –a 43-acre spread befitting a Dallas oilman like J.R. Ewing – for $11 million. It’s a 9-bedroom, 14.5-bathroom Mediterranean style estate designed and built especially for the couple in 1992. It’s the country’s largest residential solar-power system, which provides energy for the main residents and caretaker’s home while also creating surplus power. When Hagman installed the system in 2003, his annual electric bill went from $37,000 a year to $13.
43:48 – In July 2008, the Apple Store carried 500 apps for the iPhone. In November of 2009, the store now has over 100,000. Seth thinks their manager Jordan has 21,000 apps. Jah thinks Dan of Kozy and Dan has the most of anyone he knows. Jah admits that the phone is so crafty, but if it were a better phone/texter he would be all over it. Although he is spooked out by so many people being on them and doing the same things at one time.
45:42 – Every website has a corresponding numerical address. The number of addresses is increasing at a number that noone was aware of, and it could run out of room by 2011. Decades ago when they had to come up with a figure of how many addresses they could need, they were throwing out arbitrary numbers like 4.3 billion, which was almost a joke, and now we’re almost there.
48:55 – The Oxford American Dictionary has named the word unfriend its 2009 Word of the Year: to remove someone as a friend on a social networking site. Other finalists for Word of the Year included intoxicated: when people are distracted by texting while driving; sexting, funemployed: people taking advantage of their newly unemployed status to have fun or pursue other interests; choice mom: a woman who chooses to be a single mother; ecotown: a town built and run on eco-friendly principles; deleb: a dead celebrity; tramp stamp; ARDY: the oldest known homynid discovered in Ethiopia in 1990 only announced this year; and teabagger: a person who protests Obama’s policies on taxes and stimuluses – a reference to the Boston Tea Party.
54:20 – 95 percent of Americans have received or bought gift cards. The Federal Reserve has proposed new rules that would help protect customers because as anyone has received one of these cards, concerns have been raised regarding a few things: expiration dates, service fees that reduce the value of the card, etc. One of the Fed’s new rules is that the gift cards wouldn’t expire until at least five years after the purchase date.
3:47 – According to the 2010 edition of the Farmer’s Almanac, there are roughly 670,000 U.S. houses that are without indoor plumbing. Jah compares this to Woodstock – not the one Seth was at (Episode 019, 6:00), which had about 2 million.
5:54 – Ball tapping is a disturbing new trend running rampant in Indiana schools. Ball tapping is the act of intentionally hitting or kicking a male in the genitals. A local TV station conducted a statewide survey of school nurses and the results are in that 43% of high school nurses from over 150 different schools surveyed said that they are keenly and intimately aware of ball tapping. Sixty-two percent of middle school nurses are aware of it. Jah hypothesizes that this is because your balls aren’t big enough to hurt in middle school.
8:28 – Jah understands that there are valid reasons for getting kicked in the balls, but kids today are doing it Jackass style and rupturing each other’s testicles.
19:42 – Los Angeles Clippers basketball announcer Ralph Lawler hasn’t missed a game in over 25 years until last week. He was suspended along with his partner/analyst Michael Smith, over an exchange they had at the very end of another embarrassing Clippers’ loss – this one to the Grizzlies in Memphis. Filling time in the final minute of the game, they began talking about 7-foot-2 Grizzlies’ center, Hamed Haddadi, the first Iranian in the NBA. The exchange: Smith: “Look who’s in.” Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?” Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation. Smith: “He’s the only one.” Lawler: “He’s from Iran?” Smith: “I guess so.” Lawler: “That Iran?” Smith: Yes. Lawler: “The real Iran?” Smith: “Yes.” Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi – that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.” Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?” Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.” Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.” Smith: “Especially the post players. Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”
21:35 – In a funny scheduling quirk, this weekend on the 29th the LA Clippers are going to host the Grizzlies at the Staples Center. Promoting Haddadi’s appearance throughout LA’s large Persian population with “Iranian Heritage Day,” which offers fans a chance to meet him before the game and get pictures and autographs of him. Jah thinks “KMIA” should stand for “Kiss My Iranian Ass.”
22:37 – Pamela Anderson told a British talk show host that she had to explain her and Tommy Lee’s sex tape to her two sons, Brandon (12) and Dylan (11), because she knew that their friends would watch the movie Borat when it came out on DVD in 2007. There’s a scene in the movie where Borat and some college dudes watch the tape together.
28:16 – A 39-year-old man was arrested at the Promenade at Westlake in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Jah has been there so much in hise life. He paid a local teenager $31 to spit in his face. He was charged with annoying a child. It’s a misdemeanor. He is apparently known to local teens as word has spread that “this guy will pay you to yell profanities and yell in his face.”
32:41 – Despite being more famous than any other judge at the criminal courthouse in Downtown LA, Judge Lance Ito’s courtroom is the hardest to find. Each courtroom is adorned with a placard at the door naming its presiding judge but Ito’s placard holder stays woefully empty. Since he became a household name more than a decade ago presiding over the O.J. Simpson murder trial, his placard has been stolen so many times that they don’t even replace it any more. Those looking for his courtroom now depend on the information officer in the lobby to get them there.
34:44 – A hot new trend is church crime. The Christian Security Network has tracked more than 1,000 “soft crimes” this year in nation’s unlocked churches.
43:41 – DNA Portraiting is a new technology where you can enter the world of unique personal art. 1) Order your complete DNA test kit, 2) Collect all cheek cell swabs, 3) Send them to the company, 4) Combine the entire family’s DNA into a single canvas, and 5) Hang it in your living room.
47:22 – Dimple surgery is hot. People are jealous of people with dimples, although dimples are a muscle defect. They can synthesize a kink like this with a “lunchtime procedure” taking 20 minutes or less. They cut the muscle inside the mouth, put in stitches, pull in the skin and twist it so it heals with dimples.
49:16 – Jackass 3 starts shooting early next year. It might be shot in 3D.
51:01 – According to the National Retail Federation, gift cards will again be the most requested present this holiday season. The most recent survey found that shoppers will spend on average $139.91 on gift cards, totaling about $23 billion.
1:28 – The Los Angeles Convention Center is hosting the L.A. Auto Show, where you can see the debuts of a lot of different automobiles. You can check out the Toyota Siena minivan, the Buick Regal sedan, the Ford Fiesta compact, the Hyundai Tucson SUV, the Kia Sorento and the Subaru Impreza Special Edition.
4:43 – 4,000 signatures were gathered in Denver, Colo., to place an initiative on the 2010 ballot to approve or deny a newly assembled extra terrestrial affairs commission. The job of the commission would be to “promote harmonious, peaceful, mutually respectful and beneficial coexistence between earthlings and possible space visitors.” It would be a seven-person panel.
5:50 – There was a slight mishap this season at the Beverly Center. They have a Hunky Santa and the Candy Cane girls he comes in toe with. Several hundred holiday shoppers watched in horror as one of the aerialists, suspended from the third level of the mall, fell to the floor with nothing to break her fall. She slipped while hanging upside down from a metal hoop and fell to the center of the mall. She broke her pelvis and her wrist. Seth says this occurred so close to the elevator he saw Tupac Shakur in (Episode 095, 23:25).
12:00 – Cosmopolitan magazine printed a handy guide for their female readers on how to avoid getting the swine flu. One of the things they suggest is reverse cowgirl as the safest sexual position because your nose and mouth will be furthest away from the sexual partner.
12:57 – The Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas cruise ship is crazy. It has 15 stories, a central park, a tattoo parlor, etc.
13:20 – Jah reveals that they tried to make a Little Amsterdam in Vegas, a gigantic project where prostitution and weed were going to be legal in a certain sector of the city.
13:47 – Some wrappers of Tootsie pops have “Indian stars,” images of a Native American child aiming a bow and arrow at a star. The urban legend was that if you got one of those wrappers, it was redeemable for free candy. Jah wonders if this is a “night latte” ruse (Episode 001, 42:38; Episode 025, 26:00).
19:50 – Schwan’s, a home service frozen food company that has been around for a very long time, got together with Top Chef and is now selling meals that the contestants cooked on the show. Jah wishes they’d get together with Iron Chef.
31:14 – Super Bowl XLIV is Feb. 7, 2010 at Dolphin Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fla. The Who will play at halftime.
37:45 – According to LiveScience.com, our brains appear to be shrinking. They have a 10-part series on the evolution and future of the human brain. Using comprehensive scans of the human genome and skull measurements over the last 5,000 years, researchers conclude that the human brain has shrunk about 10%. As to why it is shrinking, perhaps it is in big current society as opposed to hunter-gatherer lifestyles that we can rely on other people for things and maybe don’t need our brains as much as we used to.
39:44 – Paul Frommer, a linguistic specialist and professor at USC, created an entire functioning language for the tribe of 10-foot-tall blue aliens who inhabit Pandora in James Cameron’s Avatar. Frommer has spent years and wants to spend more laboring on the language of the Na’vi tribe, which has over 1,000 words plus rules and structures of the language. He hopes it will be learned by other fans and then spoken to be kept alive.
42:40 – 27-year-old Jason Zacchi pulled up to a drive-through of a Dearborn Heights, Mich., Wendy’s with a sawed-off shotgun. His girlfriend was driving the getaway car. Everyone was screaming, the manager comes over to hear the commotion and see what’s going on, shouts “What the hell are you doing?!” because it’s her son holding up the joint.
44:07 – The final statements of all 446 men and women executed in Texas revealed that the most-mentioned words were “Jesus” and “Mom,” (86 times), while “Dad” wasn’t really mentioned at all. “Warden” was used 74 times, “Pray” was used 80 times, “Kill” was used 69 times, “Life” was used 126 times, “The Lord” was used 130 times. The word “Love” was used most-often at 630 times.
50:22 – Candy Spelling, the widow of legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling, has had her home on the LA real estate market for the last eight months. It’s 56,500 square feet – the largest residence in the country. It’s listed at $150 million and is known as “The Manor” or “Candy Land” by others. It has a bowling alley, a flower-cutting room, gift-wrapping room, wine cellar, barber shop, koi ponds, tennis court, swimming pool, 100-car motor court. They don’t know how many rooms it has because no one’s actually counted but it’s at least 100. She downsized and bought the top two floors of a brand-new condo in Century City for $47 million.
52:50 – A man who claimed to hate Christmas shoved a Salvation Army bell ringer to the ground and swiped one of the charity’s red kettles stuffed with $100s of dollars. The bell ringer, a woman, tried to pull the kettle away from the man Saturday evening, but he said, “I can’t stand you and your bell ringing. I hate Christmas.” Police said the man tossed the kettle into a stolen pickup truck and then sped away. An empty kettle was found a day later. Police arrested Shawn Kreiger of Toledo a day later and charged him with robbery. They had not recovered the money, but the charity estimated it held between $500-700.
53:54 – Michael Plank, 40, was detained at LAX by U.S. Custom agents after they discovered 15 live lizards stuffed in his fanny pack. He was returning from Australia, where U.S. Fish and Wildlife service agents found two geckos, 11 skinks and 2 lizards strapped around in his torso.
56:41 – Many women in their 30s are paying up to $10,000 to have their eggs frozen while they are still vibrant and healthy. They are single and would like to have a biological child with a future mate.
8:13 – The Sun-Maid Raisin Girl has gotten a bit of a makeover for the new decade – like Denise Richards with a bonnet. Sun-Maid president Barry Kriebel said “The new girl might be given a name and even featured in future advertisements doing things that modern women typically do.”
17:11 – UYD often talks about the sexual politics between man and woman and how intricate that can be as that plays itself out in this modern world. In the midst of the Tiger Woods scandal, there’s a lot of talk about texting being “the new lipstick on the collar.” This can leave behind a “trail of cyber breadcrumbs.”
21:04 – John Gribbin’s book “Get A Grip on Physics” was ranked #396,224th on the Amazon charts last week. One day after appearing in photographs released by the Florida police in Tiger Woods’ Escalade, the book jumped to 2,268th.
26:32 – Extreme composting is a hot new trend for city dwellers. “Nutrient loopers” is also one of the terms being used. They use a bucket, put sawdust on it for smell, use no water, and within a year it is filled with fertilizer with nitrogen and no pathogens off of human waste.
29:38 – More than 350 U.S. colleges and universities have complete bans on tobacco use.
31:41 – Opening next summer in the Hollywood and Highland Shopping Complex, the next step in large-scale restaurant/nightclub destination venues: Rolling Stone.
34:31 – 57-year-old Jesus Leonardo is a “stooper,” someone who picks up discarded tickets at off-track betting parlors. Stoopers are the gleaners of the racetrack world because they date back to the early 1930s and are tolerated under unwritten code. He’s married and has two teenagers and says he’s made roughly over 45,000 over the last decade from picking up old discarded betting stubs.
44:14 – Seth heard a 911 call from a woman where her husband was at work and a lunatic was trying to break down her door. She was terrified and said “I have a shotgun. I don’t want to kill this guy. What do I do?” Dispatch told her she could kill him if she had to. She says “He’s about to come in.” Then goes, “Ma’am, I don’t want to kill him but I will kill him graveyard dead if I have to.” Then you just hear the shot and he’s dead.
47:36 – At Searchology, an event at Google headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., devoted to showing off advances, unveiled an app called “Skymap,” using a smart phone’s GPS capability, compass and accelerometer to draw real-time maps of the galaxy and stars and take into account exactly where the users are standing and what direction they’re facing. You can rotate the phone until a red target circle on the screen finds the constellation and locks it up.
49:37 – Fox News conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, drawing on his giant chalkboard, has been going on about an old right-wing battle – the cry of the “3G” system, “God, Gold and Guns.”
4:49 – Michelle Duggar (Episode 064, 27:10; Episode 117, 5:25; from TLC’s 18 Kids and Counting made it 19 and counting this week. Seth thinks that lower region of the human body can’t withstand that many kids. They say they’re going to continue to have kids as long as Michelle is willing to have them. Seth thinks they’ll top out at 24 kids.
7:34 – The Nobel Peace Prize concert was held in conjunction with Barack Obama receiving the award. Will and Jada Smith were the hosts. Toby Keith was one of the artists performing, but the committee was not down with him being there, citing his song “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue – Angry American.” During the concert, Will Smith was on stage singing “Rapper’s Delight” and having a great time. Kobe Teeth gets up there and tries to hang with Big Will, then throws in his own verse about “… I am lightning Will, and I’d like to say hello to the black, to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow!” As he says the word “yellow,” Kobe Teeth holds his hands up to his face and makes slanty eyes.
11:18 – Published on Nov. 1, 1998 by Angus J. Kennedy – “The Rough Guide to the Internet (You Need This Book)” says on the first page, “OK, what’s this internet good for?” The book then asks a few other questions: “Is there a lot of weird stuff on the net?” … “But isn’t it just another male-dominated bastion?” … “What’s electronic mail again?” … “So is this the information superhighway?”
13:57 – 17-year-old Martin Guerrero was arrested at his Dallas high school after his art teacher went over to check his desk and the art project he had been working on. When she got to his seat, he pulled up his shirt to show that he was feverishly masturbating. He then yelled “Aye, mami!” and proceeded to jerk off in front of 30 students.
15:41 – Barnes & Noble decided to shut down their small B. Dalton bookstores in Laredo, Texas next month. The city’s 253,000 residents will now have to drive 150 miles to the Barnes & Noble in San Antonio.
26:07 – TIME magazine’s Person of the Year is Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke, and Seth thinks that anyone associated with money should not deserve this honor, especially when someone named Sully Sullenberger did the most awesome thing ever on Jan. 15, 2009 by saving the lives of passengers on Flight 1549.
28:42 – Customized Christmas trees come in yellow, pink, orange, blue and purple colors. Jah wants a Rasta Christmas tree. He also wants an 8-tree menorah where you light a different one on fire for each day of Hannukah.
29:34 – The National Eye Institute says that nearsightedness in Americans has increased 66 percent since the 1970s. Optometrists believe the increased use of computers and cell phones and much more time indoors are the cause of this. Jah’s dad wears reading glasses and he wonders if he’ll need to do that eventually. Seth thinks Jah will have 20/20 vision forever.
32:37 – MTV has launched a new campaign to halt the spread of sexting called “The Thin Line.” It features a girl talking about how it’s not a big deal if her boyfriend loves her and keeps it on his phone. Then the phrase pops up, “There’s a thin line between him and the whole school.”
42:03 – According to the National Retail Federation, as of the first week of December, 42 million people have not even started their holiday shopping, while 20 million people had already finished.
43:31 – Is your doctor up to date? Every day brings new medical advances, breakthroughs and understandings that make doctors have to constantly read studies. Evidence-based medicine is the idea that doctors understand all the latest news and scientific research. A growing problem is older doctors only using their knowledge from medical school and mis-diagnosing things. Seth doesn’t have a doctor, and he might be the healthiest person Jonathan knows. The healthiest people he knows don’t go to doctors. Seth says Jah has a lot of doctors, and Jah tells him to stop doing that because it makes him sound crazy to listeners.
53:36 – Space tourism company Virgin Galactic has hired British synth pop group Spandau Ballet to be its on-ship entertainment when the company begins launching customers into sub-orbit in 2012. Spaceship II will achieve roughly 5 minutes of zero gravity. The spaceship will hold you, 2 pilots and the 5 members of the group. If Jah and Seth had this offered to them for free, Seth wouldn’t go – he would give his seat to a UYD listener in a raffle. Jah wonders why Seth wouldn’t do it because Seth rides on airplanes, but Seth says he doesn’t do it willingly.
11:44 – PepsiCo will not run any commercials during this year’s Super Bowl for the first time in 23 years. A 30-second spot this year will cost about $3 million. Jah thinks this is because they already jacked the president’s logo so maybe they don’t need to do this. He also wonders if there will be no Bud Bowl held this year.
30:12 – Last Friday, Tiger Woods appeared on the cover of the New York Post for the 20th consecutive day, beating out the previously longest running story on the front page: 9/11.Jah says the Tiger Woods thing is funny because it has a staying power to it unlike so many of these stories that have been coming up lately. It has a perfect storm, wildfire aspect to it. The people Jah talks to on a regular basis don’t give a shit about any of the other major news stories, and now they’re all chiming in on this one incident. Jah says most things mentioned on UYD don’t have any life to them, but this one does.
38:35 – A 23-year-old man who was selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door in the Winnetka, Los Angeles, area, has been arrested after he attacked and tried to sexually assault a woman who changed her mind about buying a magazine subscription. He’s being held on $5.6 million bail. He’s a Texas native who is part of a subscription crew from out of state. Such organizations have been drawing increased scrutiny from local LA police departments. At 11:30 a.m. he knocked on her door, she agreed to buy a magazine, when she went to get the money he waited on the sidewalk. When she returned she told him she changed her mind, he kicked down her door, forced his way into the home and beat her up. While trying to assault her, she fought him off before he eventually fled the home. Criminals are increasingly joining these crews so they can case neighborhoods and homes and pocket sales from the subscription sales.
41:24 – America’s Best Dance Crew judge Shane Sparks was arrested on suspicion of felony child molestation in Los Angeles this week. North Hollywood police have taken him into custody and charged him with multiple lewd acts on a child dating back to 1994, when the girl was 12 years old.
44:23 – Following Pontiac and Saturn, carmaker Saab is days away from shutting down. Aero Trucking shut down operations this week and didn’t tell their drivers they were being laid off. Instead they just canceled all the gas cards their long-haul drivers had, leaving 200 employees stranded all over the country. A message on Arrow’s website told truckers to turn in their rigs at the nearest dealer and to call a hotline to get a bus ticket back home.
54:29 – An internet security firm released the top search terms for kids in 2009. Tweens and teens searched these 5 the most: 1) YouTube, 2) Google, 3) Facebook, 4) Sex, and 5) Porn.
5:31 – According to the New York Post, two Washington Wizards basketball players, 27-year-old Gilbert Arenas, and 22-year-old Javaris Crittenton, pulled guns on each other in their locker room at the Verizon Center over a supposed gambling debt.
6:58 – The CDC is investigating a woman who was diagnosed with a rare gastrointestinal anthrax case. This may have occurred when she swallowed spores propelled into the air during a vigorous drum circle.
11:25 – There’s a rumor that the Avatar DVD release will contain an extended and detailed Na’vi sex scene. Jah hopes it’s Michele Rodriguez and Sigourney Weaver wearing a Stanford half-tank.
17:23 – PETA has named Tim Gunn and Ellen DeGeneres Man & Woman of the Year
18:39 – Construction continues at Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan at the new World Trade Center site. To accommodate all of the workers and to keep them from having to go down to street level to eat food, Subway has made a makeshift store in a huge shipping container that will now hang in the air, suspended from a giant crane, floor-by-floor as they work their way up the building, roughly 105 stories, by December 2011.
22:51 – New laws entering into the books: 1) In Illinois, drivers will no longer be able to text or e-mail while driving; 2) In Texas, teens will need two parents’ permissions for indoor tanning; 3) In California, it will be a misdemeanor for a person to sell or furnish products containing nitrous oxide to a minor.
28:00 – Police get a phone call at 4 a.m. about a loud radio being played at an apartment in Orange County. They send over a patrol car to the place of a man called Bayron Reyes Lopez, whose neighbors said he’s already jumped out of a third-story window to get away from police. He resurfaced a couple hours later, walked up to a woman walking her miniature schnauzer and picked it up and strangled and beat the dog in front of the woman. He then fled on foot to a nearby tennis club where he works as a maintenance man. Fellow employees said they saw him “run around naked.” When police got to the scene, he was lying on a tennis court pouring hot coffee over himself. One of the officers said, “He may have been under the influence of drugs.”
35:55 – Seth talked a lot of shit about Ben Bernanke being TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year (Episode 197, 26:07), but was also alterted by an astute young female listener that there are pictures of his office in the article, showing a mini fridge fully stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Mt. Dew, so hie is back in good graces with Seth.
36:49 – The Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet: “Resolutions are so 2009. We don’t do plain old resolutions here at Taco Bell. We do Frescolutions.”
40:25 – President Obama has signed an executive order that puts the USPS in charge of delivering whatever drugs America would need in case of a large-scale biological weapons attack.
48:12 – DirecTV is said to be announcing at next week’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas the very first 3DHD TV channel. They’re planning on bringing it out this year. It will require people to purchase a new 3D-compatible HDTV, 3D glasses and soon-to-be unveiled HDMI 1.4 adapters. DirecTV boxes will receive a firmware upgrade, so there’s no need to update them.
3:53 – Seth lists off the 2010 AVN Award nominees
9:51 – Brothel owner Bobbi Davis got a big go-ahead this week to hire male prostitutes at her Shady Lady Ranch. It will be Nevada’s very-first legal male sex outpost. Davis and her husband Jim operate their small brothel, which is about 150 miles northwest of Las Vegas, and have received over 100 applications. Heidi Fleiss’ Stud Far (Episode 039, 23:35) never opened in Pahrump, Nev., in 2005. George Flint, who is a longtime lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Association, yelled, “This is the first time in the history of the world that men have been licensed to sell sex. It’s never been done!”
17:26 – The Dallas Cowboys’ old stadium, Texas Stadium, which they used from 1971-2008 before moving into their billion-dollar palace, will be demolished sometime between March 14 and April 18 in Irving, Texas, outside of Dallas. Kraft Foods has paid the city of Irving $75,000 to be the official sponsor of the demolition, calling it the “Cheddar Explosion.” The winner of the Kid’s Essay contest, held by Kraft, will get to push the button to start the implosion. Seth wishes he could be the one to push the button.
18:55 – Frozen pizzas are selling at an all-time high in supermarkets. Market research firms say frozen pizza is a gold mine. We have generations that either don’t like to cook or can’t. They like to heat, then eat. The convenience, coupled with the low price, saw sales go from $3.1 billion in 2000 to $4.4 billion in 2009. The No. 1 seller is Kraft Foods’ DiGiorno’s.
24:29 – One of the questions on the United States Census, which will go out to Americans in March of 2010, is “What is person’s race?” You can check/mark one or more boxes. One of the boxes – White, another – American-Indian or Alaskan Native (Please specify tribe), or another that reads – Black, African-American or Negro.
32:27 – Starbucks has decided to add paninis and low-calorie snacks to their menu (Episode 111, 27:04). Baristas have been informed by bosses to start persuading all customers to buy some food along with their coffee.
35:52 – There is an article in this week’s food section of Newsweek that claims that eating meat has become all the rage with vegetarians. The latest cookbook by Mollie Katzen, has a recipe for beef stew. She was a vegetarian for 30 years but is eating meat again because everyone’s responding to the new breed of sustainably raised farm animals.
38:26 – LA Gang Tours – the ultimate urban experience. Opening this week, the tour gives tourist a two-hour ride for $65 per person into the cradle of America’s gang culture. Stops include LA County Jail, the LA Riverbed, Skid Row, Florence and Normandy,a nd the birthplaces of the Crips, Bloods and the Florencia 13.
50:37 – NBA Commissioner David Stern was taking a “wait and see” type attitude regarding reports of guns in the Washington Wizards locker room. Tensions were high with the team formerly known as the Bullets, as Gilbert Arenas finally admitted to, if not exactly pulling a gun on teammates, having four unloaded guns in his locker. As D.C. police began their investigation into the unlicensed or registered firearms, Arenas, before a game in Philly, pretended to shoot his teammates during warm-ups. This act prompted an immediate, indefinite suspension by Stern that will cost Arenas roughly $150,000 for each game he misses.
1:00:40 – Jah says he obsesses on dying, and talks about how we worry about dying alone. In sunny LA County, if you die with no heirs and no will, all your belongings will more than likely end up at the LA County Estate Auction in the City of Industry. Typically held on the second Saturday of the month in a 122,000 square foot warehouse, county employees and private auctioneers break open crates, divide up the contents and sell them all day. Proceeds pay for burial expenses and other costs. Whatever is left goes to the state of California.
1:28 – The National Institute of Health has a program for rare, impossible to diagnose medical mysteries. It’s called the “Undiagnosed Disease Program,” or UDP. The program accepts 5 patients a week, all expenses are covered, they are given a comprehensive battery of tests, while 62 experts from all disciplines of medicine hope of getting to the bottom of the mysteries.
8:41 – At the Adult Entertainment Expo held in Las Vegas in conjunction with the AVN Awards (Episode 200, 3:53) last weekend, Roxxxy, the world’s first sex robot, was unveiled. (Jah asks Seth if he would hit it; Seth says no but Jah says yes.) Created by a former artificial intelligence scientist at Dell Labs, in response to losing a friend in Tower 1 of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Roxxxy is 5’7”, 120 pounds, took nine years to complete and will cost roughly $9,000 plus a subscription fee – because you’re getting 24/7, 365 tech service. You fill out an online form to match your personality to hers – that becomes her true personality. If you want to mix it up on weekends, she can be programmed with five other types. All speak differently in voice and have different vocabularies – S&M Susan, Wild Wendy, Mature Martha, Frigid Farrah, and a spunky 18-year-old. By touching her hand she responds. You can control the volume of her voice. She’s completely customized with full artificial intelligence. You order her hair color, skin tone, bust size – she’s a “dream companion with a dream personality.” From the man that designed her: “She has three inputs, if you know what I mean.” You can share her with other guys on the online community that have their own dolls, then ship them to one another and fuck them. The next version will contain a safe word (“marshmallow”). Also available is the male verson, Rocky.
17:37 – A Beverly Hills company is building a $1 billion cruise ship called The Utopia. It will sell half of the cabins as permanent residencies. They will cost anywhere between $4 million and $26 million. The ship will sail around the world and will drop anchor in south France during the Cannes Film Festival, in Rio De Janeiro during Carnivale, in Sydney Harbor, Australia for New Year’s and Monaco for the Grand Prix car race. The cabins, or condos, will have hardwood floors, fireplaces, marble countertops, recessed lighting, and all the owners will have access to all the ship’s amenities.
21:55 – Police across Southern California are warning people about “follow away burglaries.” They’re burglaries that occur when thieves stake out an Apple Store, wait for people to buy a new computer and then follow you home.
48:31 – Regina Benjamin was named the 18th Surgeon General. She’s just a smalltown doctor from Alabama. The concern is that she’s overweight in these health-conscious times. Because of her appointment she’s now wearing a naval L. Ron Hubbard jacket.
1:00:37 – Republican S.C. congressman J. Gresham Barrett announced he will introduce legislation that would require the immediate deportation of all Iranians living in the United States. It would affect more than 1 million Iranians.
1:07 – TYCO bought Brinks, which is now Broadview, but TYCO owns ADT – so is Broadview now ADT?
7:54 – A Michigan defense contractor has been stamping references to Bible verses on combat rifle sights used by American soldiers in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The company says it has been a longstanding company practice to embed the scripture citations next to the model’s number. They are subtle and appear in raised lettering at the end of the model number. For example, Model #JN812, a reference to John 8:12, reads, “I am the light of the world.”
24:13 – The Chubb Group Insurance Co., based in Warren, N.J., is the world’s third-largest underwriter of a burgeoning new market in the insurance game – K&R insurance (Kidnapping and Ransom). Hundreds of Americans are kidnapped each year while traveling this fucked-up world. Premiums can run into the thousands – even a low-end policy, which would pay up to $1 million – can cost someone $1,000 a year. If anything was to happen, the Chubb Group would send out a K&R consultant, who would be dispatched in the event of a kidnapping to do full security detail, negotiate with kidnappers if need be and deliver the ransom. Hotspots (or places you should avoid) are Brazil, Mexico, India, the Phillippines, Venezuela
36:03 – The All-American Basketball Alliance would like to start its inaugural season this summer with a 12-team lineup composed of white, American-born men – natural-born U.S. citizens with both parents of Caucasian race. The league hopes to have 12 teams in Southern cities. Their commissioner said they wouldn’t play “street ball” of people of color. He said, “Fans don’t want to worry about players attacking them in the stands and grabbing their crotches.”
39:23 – The Advocate – the nation’s oldest LGBT publication – has named Atlanta the country’s gayest city.
41:44 – The top 5 most stolen cars of 2009: 5) ’04 Dodge Ram pickup – 17,405; 4) ’97 Ford F-150 pickup – 17,416; 3) ’89 Toyota Camry – 26,000; 2) ’95 Honda Civic – 48,000; 1) ’94 Honda Accord – 55,170.
49:23 – Communist China’s state-run movie distributor, China Film Group, unexpectedly began pulling Avatar from over 1,600 2D screens and replacing it with a biography of ancient philosopher Confucius. Propaganda officials are concerned that Avatar is taking too much market share from Chinese films and drawing unwanted attention to the concept of forced evictions. Apparently millions of Chinese have been uprooted to make way for high rises and government projects. In Avatar, human colonists try to demolish the village of an alien race to obtain a precious energy source buried under it.
52:29 – Chrysler spent $100,000 to take a full-page ad out in the Wall Street Journal to thank the American taxpayer for the government bailout of the U.S. auto industry. The printed ad statement reads: THANK YOU AMERICA FOR INVESTING IN THE COMPANY WITH A LOAN OF $4 BILLION TO HELP BRIDGE THE CURRENT FINANCIAL CRISIS. The photo says “Thank you America” with smiling Chrysler employees.
3:26 – Candeo: Hope, Help, Heal – to overcome porn addiction, sex addiction and masturbation addiction. For anyone struggling with PA or MA, Candeo can provide powerful, anonymous online training program to help individuals recover.
6:40 – When Joz Wang and her brother bought their mom a Nikon Coolpix S360 digital camera with face detection intelligent technology for Mother’s Day last year, they discovered what seemed to be a malfunction in the camera. Every time they took a photograph of each other smiling, a message flashed across the screen asking, DID SOMEONE BLINK? They hadn’t. Her brother then posed with his eyes super wide open, or bug eyed, and the message then stopped. The camera, made by a Japanese company, can’t recognize Asian eyes.
22:47 – The old animatronic King Kong at Universal Studios burned down in a fire almost two years ago. Peter Jackson has led a team of digital experts to create a new theme park attraction that will open this summer and feature the next generation of King Kong in full 3D. He’ll jump over the guests at the backlot tour and you’ll smell his banana breath.
30:12 – Blippy.com is a website that discusses “What are your friends buying?” They’re calling it the Twitter of personal finance. You allow all your credit and debit purchases to be immediately posted on the site – where and what and how much you spent will go up. You can sign up for an invitation on the site and it will open up within the next couple months.
36:11 – Researchers at UC-San Diego have developed a baby robot named Diego San. It’s a robot with a tiny metal body and a gigantic baby doll’s head.
37:23 – The BK Whopper Bar in South Beach will open up mid-February and will be the first major fast food company to sell beer at its location. $7.99 will get you a Bud or a Bud Light and a Whopper.
47:16 – Seth refers to an article in the Los Angeles Times from December 2004 about a home developer in Huntington Beach who had a new set of model homes with a Mediterranean theme and they needed a name for it – they named it Alcala, which is a bustling university town in Madrid. Before people moved into the model home, there was a break-in and the police officer went out there and saw the street, Alcala Drive. He had been a cop there forever, and 25 years ago a girl close to there was kidnapped and murdered, and the man who was accused was Rodney Alcala. The developers changed the name. This creepy dude who is still on trial for kidnapping and rape, was featured in the LA Weekly this week from when he was on The Dating Game in 1978 before she was kidnapped in 1979. He was Bachelor #1 and the lady picked him, but he was too creepy for her to actually go out with. She asked him, “Bachelor #1, what’s the best time of day?” Answer: “Nighttime is the best time.” Question: “I’m a drama teacher. You’re a dirty old man. Talk to me like a dirty old man.” Answer: “Come over here and take it. Take it.” Q: “I’m serving you for dinner. What are you?” A: “I’m a banana and I look good. Come and peel me.” She goes, “Well I love bananas, I’ll take Bachelor #1.”
53:01 – There is a second pregnant dude, Scott Moore. The first was Thomas Beatie (Episode 110, 22:08). Scott still looks like a dude but has female parts. Scott’s partner, Thomas (unrelated), got the complete sex change. Scott’s baby boy is going to be Miles. He’s going to join his two brothers, 10-year-old Logan and 12-year-old Greg, the sons of Thomas from a previous relationship when he was a dude from a woman who has since passed away.
2:58 – Cablevision, a company that bought Long Island newspaper Newsday in 2008. They began charging $5 per week after buying the newspaper for access to the newspaper’s website, newsday.com. That comes out to $260 per year. The number of new subscribers since October is 35.
13:17 – The NKOTB second annual Carnival Cruise will set sail from Miami to the Bahamas from May 14-17. Price per person ranges from $849/person to $2,400/person. All cruise passengers will receive a NKOTB Welcome Cocktail Party, concert performance on the Lido Deck, photo session, Q&A, deck party with DJs, beach party with DJs, karaoke and gift bag. Over 2,000 people will be on board.
15:56 – Crazy Super Bowl prop bets: an entire section dedicated to Kim Kardashian – how many times will CBS show her in the telecast? Over/under is 2.5. … If the Saints to win, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian will be engaged by July 31. … What color top will she be wearing – white, black or another color? … The Kardashian Prop is Reggie Bush’s total rushing yards vs. Lamar Odom’s (Khloe’s husband) combined points, rebounds and assists during the Lakers’ two games before and after the Super Bowl.
26:06 – PETA wants to replace Punxatawney Phil with an electric groundhog.
50:14 – The nation’s two biggest lotteries – Powerball and Mega Millions have added new states into the mix – moving the U.S. one step closer to having a national lottery. Powerball is in 43 states; Mega Millions is in 45 states. The biggest Mega Millions drawing took place on March 6, 2007. There was one ticket winner sold in New Jersey and one sold in Georgia – the jackpot was $390 million. The biggest Powerball occurred on Feb. 18, 2006. Only one ticket was sold but it was split between 8 co-workers at a Nebraska meat processing plant. The 8 co-workers split $365 million.
52:30 – Expedia.com has teamed up with seatguru.com – part of the TripAdvisor media network – to offer internet reviews of specific airline seats that customers are thinking about booking. The service will survey travelers on such considerations as leg room, seat recline, noise level, etc. One review warned against taking any of the 6 seats in Row 26 of the Airbus A320, saying that the proximity to the bathroom was bothersome and unacceptable. Meanwhile, the seats on Row 11 have extra leg room due to an adjacent emergency exit.
55:01 – failin.gs is a website in beta that uses the motto “Don’t worry, nobody’s perfect.” If you ever want to know what people really think about you, create a profile and invite anyone to leave anonymous, constructive criticism for you.
1:28 – Precycling is reducing waste by limiting your consumption – being thoughtful at both the point of purchase and point of refuse
7:05 – Walgreen’s plans to begin offering fresh foods and prepared meals at its more than 7,000 stores. The drug store chain wants to create branded products for what they call “tonight’s meal” to draw in time-starved shoppers.
11:22 – Jimi Hendrix released only 3 studio albums before his death in 1970. On March 9, Sony Music and the Jimi Hendrix Estate – named “Experience Hendrix,” based in Seattle and worth around $80 million – will release a new Hendrix album called Valleys of Neptune. It will feature a dozen unreleased recordings that Hendrix was working on or had completed by the end of his life.
16:40 – Therapists are reporting a rise in domestic disputes over environmental issues. Going green is causing some couples to go eco insane. The problem usually arises from a disparity level in the commitment between the couples going green.
19:51 – Los Angeles County’s 5-year-old “Gifts for Guns” weapon exchange program collected 5,337 guns in 2009, including 144 assault-style rifles. The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department handed out half a million gift cards to Ralph’s and Target. One man rolled up to an exchange in Compton in a SUV. He was dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans and handed over 58 guns. He brushed off a Los Angeles Times reporter, collected several thousand dollars in gift cards and peaced out.
23:09 – Seth reads some court documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Nov. 8, 1996: The PLAINTIFF Catherine Sheehan vs. The DEFENDANT Jack Nicholson. All events herein described occurred on Oct. 12, 1996 at the residence of Mr. Nicholson on Mulholland Drive. At or about 3 a.m. during a telephone conversation Mr. Nicholson invited PLAINTIFF to his residence. At or about 4 a.m. PLAINTIFF telephoned Nicholson, inquired whether she could bring along a woman friend when she came to the residence. During this telephone call, Nicholson, having told PLAINTIFF that she could bring along her friend, informed PLAINTIFF that he wanted them to wear little black dresses with no stockings. Having donned the requested black dresses, PLAINTIFF and her friend drove to the residence, calling Nicholson from the vehicle to inform him they were on their way. When they arrived at the residence, PLAINTIFF and her friend were greeted at the door by Nicholson, who after offering them a drink invited PLAINTIFF and her friend upstairs to the bedroom. At or about this time, PLAINTIFF confirmed with Nicholson that both she and her friend would receive the sum of $1,000 each for the performance of sexual acts with Nicholson. Nicholson reaffirmed this agreement to pay each of the women the said sum and indicated that he would “take care of it later.” At said residence, PLAINTIFF and PLAINTIFF’s friend did perform sexual acts with Nicholson. At some point in time during the course of sexual acts between Nicholson and PLAINTIFF, PLAINTIFF’s friend left the bedroom. At or about 7 a.m., PLAINTIFF, observing that Nicholson was fatigued, asked him to “take care of her and her friend” as promised and give them the agreed-upon amount of $1,000 each. In response to PLAINTIFF’s request, Nicholson became loud and abusive, demanding to know what the fuck PLAINTIFF was talking about, stating that he had never paid anyone for sex as he could get anyone he wanted as a sexual partner. PLAINTIFF informed Nicholson that she knew he had paid others to perform sexual acts with him and attempted to use the telephone to request help from a friend who was acquainted with Nicholson. At this point Nicholson became increasingly angry. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone, Nicholson pushed and attempted to grab PLAINTIFF, and his voice became increasingly raised and his demeanor more and more violent. This frightened PLAINTIFF. Believing that having the mutual acquaintance speak to him would calm Nicholson, PLAINTIFF did manage to make the telephone call when Nicholson was distracted by the return of the other woman who had stepped out of the bedroom. After explaining to the individual whose number she had called that Nicholson was refusing to pay her the promised sum of money and was becoming enraged, PLAINTIFF was told by the individual on the phone to leave the residence immediately. Nicholson then demanded that PLAINTIFF empty her purse. PLAINTIFF did so, allowing Nicholson to determine that she had not taken any of his possessions. PLAINTIFF, fearful of harm to herself, continued on her way to the exit, intending to leave as soon as possible. PLAINTIFF implored Nicholson to remain calm. Nicholson then forcefully grabbed PLAINTIFF by the hair and violently pounded her head several times on the floor. Nicholson released PLAINTIFF and as she once again attempted to calm him and leave as quickly as possible, he pushed PLAINTIFF down a flight of stairs. Nicholson then demanded that the other woman empty her purse, and after she had done so, PLAINTIFF asked the other woman to put on her clothes so they could leave immediately. In an attempt to get away from Nicholson, PLAINTIFF walked away; however, Nicholson went after her, yelling and screaming at PLAINTIFF to leave. He grabbed her again, repeatedly hit and struck her above the head and torso and physically shoved her in a chair. PLAINTIFF, terrified for her physical safety and unable to leave as her friend remained in a state of undressed, reached for a telephone to call for help. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone to call police, Nicholson threatened PLAINTIFF with a raised arm and clenched fist. He was enraged and yelled that he would give the PLAINTIFF a reason to call the police. Nicholson further threatened to throw the PLAINTIFF over Mulholland Drive and then told PLAINTIFF he would call the police himself. These threats terrified PLAINTIFF, who feared even more physical violence upon her person by Nicholson. PLAINTIFF, frightened and in physical pain, pleaded with Nicholson to let her leave. In answer to her plea, Nicholson physically took hold of the PLAINTIFF and violently threw her out of his residence. PLAINTIFF’s friend was still at the door, asking Nicholson to allow her to retrieve her personal items that she had left at the residence. In an attempt to quickly depart, PLAINTIFF went up to the door and asked her friend to please give her the keys to the vehicle so that she could use the car phone. At or about this time, Nicholson rushed out of the residence and physically and violently lifted PLAINTIFF’s person off the ground. Nicholson flung PLAINTIFF about, stating that he would kill PLAINTIFF and cause PLAINTIFF to suffer grievous bodily harm.
32:19 – Jason Alexander, who was the spokesman for KFC, is now the new spokesman for Jenny Craig. He said he watched himself in a recent Curb Your Enthusiasm episode and he hated what he saw: “I looked at myself playing a character that I started playing 20 years ago. And yes, he has aged, but what was disturbing was he was no longer in a body that I cared to recognize.”
39:12 – It may be the last word in Spelling Bees and Scrabble, but Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary now faces a new, if unlikely, notoriety – being too sexy for its own good. This was the verdict of at least one parent in Menifee, Calif., last week, who called the principal of Oak Meadows Elementary School to say that the entries describing oral sex in the dictionary were too explicit. The books were then pulled off the shelves and housed temporarily off location. “The dictionaries have not been banned,” said Betti Cadmus, a spokesman for the school district in the conservative southwest Riverside County on Monday, “but there was growing concern by parents that some of the words are not age-appropriate.” A panel of parents, teachers and administrators will meet later this week to comb the dictionary for potentially graphic words or definitions and issue a report within a month.
42:05 – Christopher Scolese, NASA’s acting administrator, told U.S. government officials that NASA is discovering that many parts installed on their spacecraft are counterfeit. They’re not finding this out until the parts have been fully installed and the rocket is ready to be launched or even worse until the parts malfunction in space.
44:23 – A former student returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago to a high school librarian in Phoenix. The money order was sent anonymously with $1,000 in it, but it was to cover fines of 2 cents a day.
46:18 – The Amish, who number around 230,000 – mostly in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana – have the hottest thing in Christian fiction right now: Bonnet Books. It’s a lucrative genre. They chronicle the lives and loves of chased American Amish.
48:35 – A Jewish teen trying to pray on a New York to Kentucky flight caused a scare when he pulled out a set of small boxes containing holy scrolls, leading to the captain diverting the plain to Philadelphia, where police, bomb-sniffing dogs and federal agents were waiting. The 17-year-old on US Airways Express Flight 3079 was using Tefillin, a set of small boxes containing biblical passages that are attached to leather straps. When used in prayer, one box is strapped to the arm and the other box is placed on the head. The teen explained the ritual to the crew, but the crew did not receive a clear response when they talked to him and in the interest of everyone’s safety decided to land in Philadelphia.
1:00:33 – A Newsweek article talks about “preppers” – normal people with end-of-the-world survivalist tendencies.
1:42 – A judge with the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission says the rights of Josue Brissot, a Rastafarian baggage screener at Boston’s Logan International Airport, were violated when he was threatened with firing unless he cut his long dreadlocks that he claims he maintains for religious reasons. Marcia says she just left Logan today. She wonders what “rastafani” is – she thought it was something Jah made up when he was in high school.
3:13 – Several major food companies got together to create a new service for American consumers called “Smart Choices.” Food products with the green check gives consumers a fast and easy way to purchase healthy food for their family. But many nutritional advocate groups say this is a scam. The list includes Froot Loops, Lucky Charms and Coco Krispies. Marcia wants to know what happened to good old-fashioned oatmeal?
7:37 – Men’s Health magazine has chosen for the third straight year the country’s worst pizza – it’s the Uno Chicago Grill Classic Deep Dish Individual Pizza. It has 2,300 calories, 165 grams of fat, 5,000 milligrams of sodium and 120 grams of carbs. It’s like 27 tiny bags of Lay’s Potato Chips.
15:10 – Starting in January, McDonald’s plans to offer a $1 breakfast menu across the country. It will include the following items: Sausage McMuffin, Sausage Biscuit, Sausage Burrito, Hash Brown and a 12-oz coffee.
16:09 – McDonald’s will also lift its $2.95 fee for two free hours of Wi-Fi at 11,000 of their stores next month and will offer free Wi-Fi access with no time limit. Marcia wonders if people actually use that, and Seth confirms that pedophiles use that by stealing laptops from tweens and overrunning 11,000 McDonald’s come January.
17:00 – Hotline Homecoming – Responding to complaints from customers, many US customers are putting their call centers back in America for a fee. Marcia says she might pay a fee to speak to someone who speaks English.
19:24 – Pregnant high school athletes – should they be sidelined?
21:30 – The Samer Theory – radiation from microwaves, telecommunications, remote controls, cell phones, etc., are slowly cooking our brains and making us crazy. Marcia agrees that this is correct because everyone is crazy. And she thinks everyone drinks way too much caffeine without even thinking about it and drives 100 miles an hour on the 101 Freeway. Marcia drinks decaf coffee for the taste. Her on caffeine with 3-year-olds would not work.
26:42 – Seth recalls that soldiers and troops have to use crazy shit because they don’t have all the accessories they need – To check for tripwires while out on a mission, families were sending silly string so they could spray it and see where it landed (Episode 041, 31:53 and Episode 087, 19:20). … Also, swallowing chewing tobacco kills worms in your stomach. … Tampons plug up bullet wounds … Wrap people with saran wrap for punctured chests … Vaseline on your mouth so when you take a shower the water won’t get into it … tape on your bed with the sticky side up so that insects will get stuck on it and not be able to make their way up to you. … Putting your socks over your pants and your boots so scorpions can’t get in your business. Seth wonders how long he would last in Fallujah, and Marcia thinks he wouldn’t even make it on the plane ride over there.
28:42 – The Pickle Guys $0.75 Store is the last pickle outlet left on Manhattan’s Lower East Side now that Gus – an institution since 1920, has moved its red barrels of 50-cent pickles to Brooklyn.
31:25 – The Lawry Chain of high-end steakhouses must pay more than $1 million to settle a federal discrimination lawsuit contending that for several decades it hired only women, no men as servers.
34:27 – Ladybugs have been showing up in greater numbers in wine vineyards. Sometimes more often as of late they attach to harvested grapes and are being mixed into fermenting grape juice by accident. As a defense mechanism they release a chemical that is foul-smelling and is detected in even tiny amounts by humans. The green bell pepper smell is increasingly being found in wines. It is being called “Ladybug Taint.” … Marcia at 35:08 – “Yeah well that’s true because if you’ve ever let a ladybug sit on your hand they always leave a brown spot when they walk away. … I don’t know, it must be that taint stuff.”
39:40 – Seth wonders how long Marcia would last in a women’s prison. She doesn’t think very long. These are what hardened convict female criminals are using on lockdown to beautify themselves: Ink from pens for eyeliner, glitter from greeting cards to sprinkle on their faces, Crystal Light for blush, coffee grounds for eye shadow, crushed Skittles for color and shading.
44:01 – Dearborn, Michigan has close to 500,000 Arabs – the largest concentration of people outside of the Middle East. A new Wal-Mart has opened a 200,000-square-foot Super Center with 550 specialty items for them.
48:45 – The number of Americans using Twitter dropped 8% from September to October – it’s the second monthly decline this year. Marcia: “But who cares what Ashton Kutcher’s doing?”
50:23 – More and more service animals are not of the norm. A lot of people are using monkeys, parrots, etc. There’s a woman in Fort Worth, Texas, who has a seeing eye horse. She walks it through the drive-thru at Dairy Queen and gets her ice cream.
13:07 – As of Sept. 1, the U.S. military mission in Iraq will get a new name. Operation Iraqi Freedom becomes Operation New Dawn. Defense secretary Robert Gates said the name change will signal American forces have a new mission there.
16:16 – Little Brownie Bakers of Kentucky, who makes the Lemon Chalet Crème cookies, said there’s been a problem with them and a breakdown in the oils, making foul odors emanate from the box.
18:41 – Burger King, the nation’s No. 2 burger king, is launching a massive new coffee line, introducing Starbucks Corporation’s Seattle’s Best Coffee this summer at all of their 7,000 stores. Drinks will range from $1 to $2.79 and be sold all day. Five years ago BK launched its BK Joe coffee brand, which will now be retired.
25:53 – Due to a provision placed inside of the new credit card bill, you can now legally carry a firearm in 373 of 392 national parks. A ban had been in place for the last 94 years, but now you can carry a loaded weapon. 30 parks are in more than one state so you’ll have to know what and where the state lines are because you’ll be subject to gun laws of each state.
29:20 – The #2 rental chain in the country, Movie Gallery – owner of Hollywood Video – has filed for bankruptcy. They’re planning on closing 805 stores – one-third of their total. It’s their second trip through bankruptcy court. Their first time was about 2 ½ years ago, when they closed 2,400 stores. They’re struggling with competition of people streaming videos online from Netflix, picking up $1/night rentals at Red Box kiosks, etc.
45:03 – Babies born in 2010 and on will belong to Generation Alpha. Generations X, Y and Z have exhausted the Latin alphabet so we’ve moved to the Greek generation. It will be the most tech-savvy and connected generation ever.
47:35 – Atlanta’s public transportation agency is under fire for renaming the train line that goes into the heart of the city’s Asian-American community the Yellow Line.
56:20 – The president of Nigeria is receiving medical treatment in a Saudi Arabian hospital. He’s back in Nigeria recovering at his home and the acting president of Nigeria since the middle of January’s name is Goodluck Jonathan.
7:32 – Seth lets everyone know that Cpt. Sully Sullenberger retired this past week. He dedicates Episode 208 to him (Episode 167, 4:23; Episode 172, 58:12; and Episode 186, 4:24).
18:31 – Seth re-reads an article written by technology Clifford Stoll in the February 1995 issue of Newsweek called “The Internet – Bah!” (Episode 110, 2:02).
27:50 – The TSA is going to begin randomly swabbing flyers’ hands to check for any explosive material. International flights are already doing it. They currently have 7,000 trace explosive detection machines in functioning order.
32:36 – The U.S. Tax Court in Washington has ruled that costs incurred in sex-change operations and accompanying procedures are now tax-deductible.
38:35 – The American Psychiatric Association will release the fifth edition of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013. It was last revised in 1994. The book is used by mental health professionals, insurance companies, etc. They’ll recommend for this edition that binge eating and gambling be considered as disorders, along with mixed anxiety disorder. Mixed anxiety disorder is really vague. They refrained from suggesting sex addiction or internet addiction.
41:57 – Starting May 1, American Airlines will start charging passengers $8 for a pillow and a blanket. You can keep them but you have to pay using debit card.
53:18 – The USPS is expecting to lose $238 billion over the next decade and is very seriously considering dropping Saturday delivery. They figure they can save $40 billion over that same period by doing this.
4:17 – According to ABC News, there are more than 700,000 registered sex offenders in the United States. For perspective, the city of Boston has 620,000 people living there, Portland has 557,000 people and Pittsburgh has 310,000.
6:03 – Pringles has recalled their cheeseburger flavor Pringles Restaurant Cravers and their “Taco Night” flavor of Pringles Family Flaves because of possible salmonella bacteria. Non-recalled flavors are Slow-Cooked BBQ, Cheesy Fries, Mexican Layered Dip, Onion Blossom, White Cheddar and Cheddar BBQ.
12:28 – Neuromarketing is consumers being exposed to ads while hooked up to machines that monitor brain activity, pupil dilation, sweat responses and flickers in facial muscles.
14:42 – The newest Forbes billionaire list features 403 U.S. billionaires, while China only has 89. Bill gates is no longer the richest man in the world, he’s only worth $53 billion. The richest man in the world, with $53.5 billion, is Mexican telecommunications tycoon Carlos Slim. The world’s youngest billionaire, worth $4 billion, is Mark Zuckerberg (Episode 107, 25:19).
19:34 – Sean Hayes, who played the very flamboyant character Jack McFarland on the NBC sitcom Will & Grace (which went off air four years ago), is on the current cover of The Advocate confirming “rumors” that he is gay. Jah recalls having to be informed that French Stuart was not gay, but he didn’t need confirmation of this one.
28:10 – State troopers across the country are discussing a surge in what they call “Trucker Rage.” It’s more and more incidents of road rage involving long-haul truckers driving semis, big rigs and 18-wheelers. They’re exchanging taunts via CB radio and then pulling over to fight at rest stops after talking shit. Channel 19 is a place that a lot of “CB Rambos” go. It’s where a lot of young truckers go to blow off steam. Jah lists off some Channel 19 terminology: “alligator” is tread from tire, “a free ride” is a prostitute, a “beaver” is a female, a “Christmas card” is a speeding ticket, “sailboat fuel” is riding on empty, “magic mile” is the last mile of a trip, “Colorado Kool-Aid” is beer and “Use the Jake” is slow down.
31:33 – Ashleymadison.com, an adultery website (Episode 102, 53:13; Episode 150, 2:07) reviewed the 1.9 million accounts they have to come up with the occupations that have the most adulterous people. Among women, #5 is real estate agents, #4 is administrative agents, #3 is nurses, #2 is stay-at-home moms and #1 is teachers. Among men, #5 is engineers, #4 is real estate agents, #3 is lawyers, #2 is police officers and #1 is physicians.
44:16 – The Los Angeles Times was asking people what their favorite movie of 2009 was. Ron Artest, Lakers Forward: “Easy. 2012. Every time I get to the team hotel I watch it. Every single time.”
54:01 – Federal authorities charged 24 people last summer with the looting/theft of Native American artifacts from sites in the western part of the U.S. in the Four Corners – Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. Since then, three of these people have committed suicide.
57:48 – Seattle police have launched a prostitution investigation aimed at Frank Colacurcio, who owns five strip clubs in the Seattle area including Rick’s, Honey’s, Talent’s, Sugar’s and Fox’s. Reports show that one undercover officer visited the clubs 160 times. He got approximately 130 lap dances and spent about $18,000 while not making a single arrest.
59:19 – LA Sheriff’s Department said there was a dispute at a Lancaster movie theater during a showing of Shutter Island. It was a packed 9 p.m. Saturday night screening and found a man complaining about a woman who was having a full-blown conversation on her phone during the movie. She left the theater with two men, then came back a short while later and plunged a meat thermometer into the neck of the man who was complaining.
1:02:47 – Seth reads from an article in the LSU student newspaper, the Daily Reveille about a student named Storm Erie who drove his car into the LSU Quad, parked and began throwing contents of his vehicle into the Quad: dirty rubber boots, a half-empty bottle of wine, a large sling blade, a djembe, a four-sided lug wrench, a skateboard, a wooden chess set, a sweater, a pair of shoes, landscaping bags, a flashlight and a small mug. He also propped up a set of blueprints along the back of the running vehicle.
13:15 – The FBI said that the amount of money swindled on the internet doubled in 2009 to $560 million. They said one of the biggest scams involved phone messages left on people’s home answering machines with a voice similar to President Barack Obama’s, urging people to visit a website to claim a share of government stimulus money, limited time offer with a small handling fee.
15:25 – 5 million people pay $25 per month for AOL dial-up service (Episode 103, 25:06).
23:23 – TIME Magazine has 10 Ideas for the Next 10 Years, and #8 is TV will save the world.
23:45 – 120 million U.S. Census forms began arriving in mailboxes across the country in the government’s once-a-decade population count. Seventy-two percent of households returned their forms in the year 2000. It’s estimated that only 66% will do so this year. There’s another $1.5 billion in spending that’s directed only at the follow-ups to get people to fill out their forms.
25:22 – Tiger Woods texts to porn star Joslyn James: After I cum, you better start sucking my cock to get it hard … You ever hook up with other guys or girls? Slap your face, treat you like a dirty whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat. Hold you down while I choke you and then fuck that ass that I own. … Have you ever had a golden shower done to you? … Yeah, guys from Dubai, investors. My agent doesn’t know about us obviously. … Don’t fuckin’ talk to me, you almost just ruined my whole life.
30:32 – YouTube celebrated 5 years, which launched on Feb. 14, 2005.
32:11 – Becky McClain is a former Pfizer scientist who is suing the pharmaceutical company, alleging she contracted an artificial, lab-made HIV-like virus created by a colleague. She believes she became infected by the virus due to faulty safety measures which result in a complete body paralysis as often as 12 times every month. Pfizer denies the accusations and also refuses to release the genome of the suspected virus, thus preventing both identification of the virus as well as development of any cure.
35:19 – A site called eHarlequin provides romance novels for women who love to read. They have a new series set in the world of NASCAR. He then proceeds to read a passage from “Crossing the Line” by Jean Brashear, but Jah interrupts him to read it in a southern romantic voice.
40:58 – Elijah Dukes (Episode 066, 3:02; Episode 069, 2:17 and Episode 070, 14:22) was released by the Washington Nationals so we might need some new sports heroes to identify with
41:10 – Antonio Cromartie, a former high school football star from Tallahassee, Fla., just left the San Diego Chargers and signed a deal with the New York Jets. They fronted him half a million dollars because he had to resolve the five-plus paternity suits filed against him in the last two years. He has seven children from six women living in five states. Jah wonders which athlete has the most kids in the most states.
42:46 – The Daily Beast rated Cincinnati as the craziest city in the U.S. The list used four criteria to decide this: 1) The number of psychiatrists per capita, 2) the city’s overall stress level, 3) the city’s overall eccentricity and 4) the overall issues with drinking alcohol.
44:14 – R&B Jesus, a.k.a. D’Angelo, 36 years old, was arrested on March 6 in the West Village of NYC after he allegedly tried to get a female police officer posing as a prostitute to give him oral sex.
58:49 – Steven Johnson, 59, has worked as a jail guard in Dallas for almost 17 years. Co-workers claim he has a long history of making offensive comments. He was suspended in 2000 for calling several black inmates he was processing “niggers.” He was disciplined in 2008 after giving his candid opinions on “illegal aliens.” He was just fired for interrupting a private meeting of jailhouse staff to tell them that all the gays should be put to death. He then showed a co-worker a binder that proved his family once owned slaves. He claims the Bible supports his feelings on slavery and blacks. He also said, “They made it out to be that I was a bigot.” In a sworn statement he said that all homosexuals should be put to death but that his beliefs don’t lead him to treat gays any differently. He also said on tape, “I believe all dinosaurs were born of a Satanic angel who had sex with women and the animal kingdom then created ungodly reptilian creatures. None of these creatures were on Noah’s Ark.”
4:05 – Baby name expert Pamela Redmond Satron compiled a list of elite baby names. If you want your baby boy to have any chance of a life, you may want to consider naming him Finn, Asher, Jasper, Kai, Atticus, Milo, Sawyer, Finnius, Auden.
15:18 – Indiana prosecutors have filed voyeurism charges against a 40-year-old man named David Delagrange. He allegedly filmed upskirt videos of 10 different women with his specially made bootrigged video camera. There’s a little hiccup with the case because the laws in Indiana don’t apply to voyeurism in public places; only in a peeping tom situation.
18:44 – Jah reveals that somebody’s trying to get Milli Vanilli’s Grammy back to them because there have been plenty of winning acts since then that have done the same thing with ghost vocals.
20:11 – Time magazine’s website wrote an article stating there is an ongoing debate within the scientific community: can animals commit suicide? Jah thinks there is a high suicide rate among birds, and Seth agrees.
25:09 – Police in Connecticut were waiting in a parking lot of a local bank to meet 27-year-old Albert Bailey and the 16-year-old he brought with him. Bailey had called the bank about 10 minutes earlier, where he spoke to an employee and told her to get a bag of money ready because they were about to rob it. The sergeant said the bank robbers appeared “not so bright.”
31:33 – According to the new book The Male Brain by Dr. Louanne Brisindine , the sexual pursuit area of the male brain – located in the hypothalamuse – is 2.5 times larger than a female’s. This is due to testosterone and the area enlarging.
43:53 – According to the National Retail Federation, consumers are ready for spring and plan to spend a little more this Sunday between candy, cards, gifts, etc. Consumers 25-34 are expected to spend around $136.79 per person.
49:00 – Police are looking for a 56-year-old man living in Woodstock, Ga., who was trying to purchase a 5-year-old boy on the internet for sex. The man’s name is Patrick Molesti.
51:39 – Seth reads from an obituary from a man named Kermit Tyler. “Don’t worry about it.” – Those words, which Tyler uttered on a peaceful Sunday morning in 1941 of the Hawaiian island of Oahu, would haunt him for the rest of his life. He was an Army Air Force first lieutenanton temporary duty on Fort Shatner’s radar information center when on the morning of Dec. 7 a radar operator on the northern tip of the island reported that he saw unusually large blips on their radar screen indicating a large number of aircraft about 132 miles away. “Don’t worry about it,” Tyler told the radar operator, thinking it was just the flight of a US B-17 bomber. Instead, it turned out to be the first wave of more than 180 Japanese fighters, torpedo bombers, dive bombers and horizontal bombers whose surprise attack on Pearl Harbor shortly after 8 a.m. plunged the U.S. into World War II. “You know I wake up at night sometimes and think about it,” he told the Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J. in 2007, “but I don’t feel guilty.”
2:14 – The U.S. Census Bureau reports that some parts of the nation, namely Texas and Alabama, are lagging behind in sending in the 2010 Census. Director Robert Groves said, “Every household that fails to send back their census form by mail must be visited by a census taker starting in May at a significant taxpayer cost.”
3:34 – A group of Confederate rights activists is urging Southerners to declare their “heritage and culture” by classifying themselves as “Confederate Southern Americans.” This would be under the blank spaces under question #9 asking for “Race.” They claim that this will help protect them because federal law makes it illegal to discriminate based on a citizen’s ancestry or culture.
7:01 – The entire species of koala bears (Episode 141, 45:46) is currently being threatened by an outbreak of Koala AIDS, or “KIDS.”
12:24 – Markus Bestin, 25, Nevada’s first male prostitute, from the Shady Lady Ranch (Episode 200, 9:51). He’s otherwise known as a “prostidude.” Here’s his quote: “I’m basically doing what Rosa Parks did when she decided to sit at the front of the bus and not the back.” He’s left the Shady Lady Ranch after a two-month stint because he only saw nine customers. Shady Lady hired a new guy who works under the name “Why Not?”
14:02 – Subway will unveil a new breakfast menu this week. Cage-free eggs are the centerpiece. Egg and cheese sandwich will start at $1.75 and will be available in their 23,000 locations.
15:09 – Ricky Martin came out of the closet. Jonathan’s father delivered this news to him this week.
22:54 – Federal investigators submitted phony products to the government’s energy efficiency certification program and found it very easy to obtain the coveted Energy Star rating. The Energy Department and EPA gave approval to 15 of the 20 fake products they submitted. One of them is a 1-1/2-foot by 1-1/2-foot gasoline-powered alarm clock, another was an air room cleaner that was a space heater with a feather duster taped to it.
28:32 – Actor Aaron Johnson (19), star of the film Kick Ass, just played a young John Lennon in a British film called Nowhere Boy. He’s currently engaged to be married to the director of that move, Sam Taylor Wood (43). She’s pregnant with their first child.
31:21 – The first online private high school for Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered youths has opened to business, so far to limited interest. The GLBTQ (Q for Questioning) currently has 6 students. None of them are from Minnesota, even though the founder and executive director, David Glick, is the founder and executive director. Glick, who runs the school out of his home in St. Paul, said the dirth of students results from its mid-year start, but school officials continue to receive inquiries from potential students and Glick says he expects enrollment to increase by 50-100 by fall. Enrollment also could increase if the school has a successful campaign to raise funds for its startup costs and student tuition subsidies. Annual tuition is $5,900 per year for a full-time student, and that rate compares favorably to similar types of home schools. It is open to students nationwide because it’s private and online. Its faculty and administration are actually scattered all over. The school has 14 teachers and counselors that all live in other states. The servers the students use to access the curriculum and interface with instructors is based in Florida. Glick says, “We are headquartered in cyberspace.”
36:25 – U.S. intelligence officers have some secret recordings of a Chicago cab driver originally from Pakistan who’s been traveling back and forth dealing with Al-Qaeda. They have audio of him in a coffeeshop speaking freely, claiming Osama bin Laden is alive and well and giving orders for Al-Qaeda.
39:18 – British secret intelligence is reporting that female suicide bombers could be recruited by Al-Qaeda, planting explosives in their breast implants that would be able to bypass security.
41:34 – A provision in the newly passed health care bill adds a 10% tax on tanning salon fees. The Indoor Tanning Association (ITA) is mad. This will go into effect Thursday, July 1.
43:30 – Larry Gene Pendley was hunting on opening day of turkey season in Central California. He went out with 5 of his friends early in the morning. He was crawling on his hands and knees through a bush trying to sneak up on a turkey when one of his friends mistook him for a turkey, fired and shot and killed him.
46:24 – Santa Fe, N.M. features a lot of turqoise and is known for its abundance of new age healers. Arthur Firstenberg says he’s hyper-sensitive to certain frequencies of electromagnetic radiation. He moved to Santa Fe to get away from it all. He found a home at the end of a narrow lane that he thought would be a refuge from physical and neurological symptoms that have plagued him for three decades. But last October, when a friend of his rented a house on the next block that was backed up to his property, the familiar waves of nausea, vertigo, body aches, dizziness, heart arythmia and insomnia all returned. He says it was because this friend of his was using an iPhone, laptop, wireless router, dimmer switches and microwaves in the home. When he couldn’t reach an agreement with this person, he sued him in state district court, seeking $530,000 in damages. His doctor treated him and testified at the hearing that she is convinced that electromagnetic hypersensitivity is a real disorder that affects his nervous system.
10:59 – There is a new social networking site called Unvarnished, which is in private testing. It’s like Yelp! for people. It has a reputation marketplace where anyone can post anonymous reviews about anyone else. You access the site through Facebook, you must be invited by a current user. There are several-hundred now. You can only register after you’ve written a review of the person who invites you and you must accept every review – you can’t remove them. There are 400,000 pre-loaded Silicon Valley profiles in order to jump-start it.
14:10 – Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz directed his store designers to “break the mold” and build a neighborhood test coffee shop from the ground up. It’s located in Seattle’s eclectic Capitol Hill section. It’s home to a vibrant gay community, indie rockers, hipsters and mansion owners. It’s called Roy Street Coffee & Tea by Starbucks. It features heavy velvet curtains, indie movie nights, single origin coffees, small-craft brews, organic wines, vegan pastries and gourmet cheeses.
20:14 – A federal judge has barred Albuquerque (which Jah can’t spell correctly) from enforcing an ordinance that banned registered sex offenders from using their public libraries. The judge said it violated their First Amendment rights.
25:57 – Seth talks about the Ministry Family Radio, whose judgment day was May 21, 2011. He’s been getting a lot of mail from them and almost expects to do so every time he goes to the mailbox. The latest literature reads: “The end of the world is almost here. Holy God will bring judgment day on May 21, 2011.” Seth wonders if he should call them and ask if they can make an agreement that when the world doesn’t end on May 21, they have to stop sending him stuff.
28:00 – A decades-old policy affecting U.S. pilots will be reversed this week. Pilots taking antidepressants were not allowed to fly planes under the old policy. Under the new policy, pilots can seek FAA permission to take 1 of 4 drugs – Eli Lilly’s Prozac, Pfizer’s Zoloft and Forest Laboratories’ Celexa or Lexipro. FAA policy bans pilots from flying if they claim depression but don’t take one of these four drugs.
37:40 – Cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse by arranging liaisons via text messages is now called “chexting.”
43:26 – It is official that Barack Obama is the country’s first black president. It has been confirmed by a White House spokesman that Obama checked “Black/African-American or Negro” on Question No. 9 of the 2010 U.S. Census.
44:55 – 22-year-old Justin James Warren Green of Birmingham, Ala., was arrested for slapping his 2-year-old daughter across the left side of her face for eating some of his BBQ Pringles.
48:04 – 6-year-old Samantha Kuberski was a happy kid who did well at school, which is why tragedy was compounded by a shock back in January when medical examiners in Yamhill County, south of Portland, declared Samantha’s death a suicide, making her the youngest person to take her own life in Oregon’s history. On Dec. 2, the first-grader was allegedly sent to her room after getting in a fight with her mom. While her mother and three sisters were in other parts of the McMinnville house, Samantha reportedly crawled into an unused crib that had no mattress or box spring, tied a corduroy belt around her neck and onto the crib’s top rung and hung herself. She was found unconscious and rushed to a hospital where she was pronounced dead. Her parents and siblings were later interviewed by police, who ruled out any foul play and said they found no signs that the young girl had ever been abused. Other detectives would rather rule it an accident because of her age.
57:40 – Rosalyn Cartwright, the former director of the Sleep Disorder Center at Chicago’s Rush University Medical Center, wrote a book due out next month called The 24-Hour Mind, a psychological thriller resolving around sleepwalking. When sleepwalking, a person’s frontal lobe is completely asleep. You also lose all facial recognition whatsoever.
1:51 – Seth explains to us that a simple battery occurs when a person makes intentional contact of an insulting or provoking nature with a person of another or causes intentional harm to another. It is a misdemeanor, however it becomes a misdemeanor of aggravated nature when committed against certain classes of persons, e.g. the elderly, a pregnant woman, a police officer, a child, and also a sports official while the official is officiating any amateur contest. Seth reads this to us there was an amateur official that made a shitty call recently and got shoved, and the shover was charged with aggravated assault. Jah likes the law because it keeps the kids safe.
9:52 – 50% of the security cameras in the NYC Subway system are completely defective.
12:00 – In the summer of 1984 there was a movie called Red Dawn, and now they’re remaking it.
14:21 – Seth has read some reports from the Nielsen company that Road House is the most cable-ized movie of all time.
17:57 – Four years ago, a Little Saigon fortune teller and her daughter were found stabbed to death. Their hands and faces were covered with white paint. The killers fled with credit cards, jewelry and cash. Five weeks after this happened, police arrested a woman named Tanya Nelson in North Carolina in the slayings of the fortune teller, Ha Jade Smith, and her daughter. Police said Nelson was caught allegedly assuming the identities of the victims and spending more than $3,000 on clothing. Police speculated that theft was the motive. Prosecutors added another twist to the bizarre case this week: Smith and her daughter were stabbed to death because a spell did not work. Nelson, a longtime client of Smith's, blamed the fortuneteller for a fortune gone bad and was so angered that she decided to kill her, said Deputy Dist. Atty. Sonia Balleste, who is prosecuting Nelson at the murder trial in Orange County Superior Court. A letter found in Nelson's North Carolina home indicated that Nelson wanted Smith to change the fortune, Balleste said. Smith wrote in the letter that she could not do so, Balleste said. And Nelson felt so cheated out of her money that she decided to fly to Orange County to kill Smith.
20:49 – According to the parenting book, Nurture Shock, which brought us, “Is Your Baby Racist?” (Episode 183, 57:52) infants from 9 months old to 2 years old should not be spoken to in baby talk. Parents should avoid any and all goo-goo and ga-ga talk.
23:14 – Low-cost carrier Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16; Episode 159, 21:24) has become the first airline in the world to charge flyers for putting carry-on bags into their overhead storage bins, possibly up to $45 each way.
25:18 – So many people are flying with small pets in airline cabins, and the 1 in 10 people with allergies to animals are being put at great risk. The preferences of pet owners should not supercede the well-being of their fellow passengers, according to the spokesman of a lobbying group. Jah thinks it’s clear there are people who want provisions made for them and their pets, and it should be its own market and should have to deal with it. There should be either animal flights or non-animal flights.
28:20 – Foot Locker has announced some store closings. Jah describes the smell of a Foot Locker store as the blend of a super-clean smell with a super-dirty smell. Some of their underperforming stores are going to be shuttered, including Lady Foot Locker and Kids Foot Locker.
30:29 – Google has announced they are building and testing an experimental, high-speed, fiber optic network that would make the internet “the dial tone of the 21st Century.”
39:35 – BeenVerified.com is America’s #1 background check. You can run it right on your home computer.
41:29 – Less than 10% of blind people in the United States read Braille.
50:31 – An Arizona man who allegedly stole the identity of a San Francisco physician and posed as a doctor running a West Los Angeles sperm back, has been arrested on suspicion of sexually assaulting/fondling two men. Jeffrey Lynn Graybill of Phoenix is accused of pretending to be “Dr. Richard Richardson” and soliciting sperm donors for the nonexistent fertility clinic. Graybill was brought back to Los Angeles after being arrested Wednesday in Arizona, investigators said. He had moved from Marina del Rey to Phoenix in August. Investigators believe that there may be more than two dozen other victims in California and Arizona. Although he had no medical license, Graybill allegedly advertised himself as a physician through Internet listings on Craigslist and solicited potential clients, offering up to $4,000 monthly for sperm donations for “stem cell and other research.” Graybill, a property manager, had been trained as an emergency medical technician and used leftover medical equipment such as a stethoscope and blood pressure monitor to convince men that he was a doctor, said Officer Ian Carbonell of the LAPD. Graybill arranged to meet the first victim at the man's home June 10 and the second on June 20 at an apartment Graybill managed. He is accused of posing as a physician and fondling both men, Carbonell said. After Graybill failed to pay the men, one of them filed a complaint with Los Angeles police in June, triggering the investigation, Carbonell said. He said Phoenix police also are investigating Graybill in connection with several similar assaults on men there.
3:18 – 150,000 of the 1.5 million kids in the U.S. are what people are calling “unschooled.” The kids make the rules – no chores, no punishments and no judgment. The parents allow for it as an exercise in what they call “personal exploration and discovery.” Jonathan says this used to be called college.
20:01 – Library of Congress has announced that they have acquired every tweet in existence. Since Twitter began in March of 2006, there are billions in their database. Twitter execs say they have 105 million registered users and are adding around 300,000 new ones every day, and there are about 50 million new tweets every day.
33:45 – 28-year-old married father with two small children Daniel DuPuis was arraigned on a felony charge of masturbating at the school where he works as an elementary music teacher. He admitted to masturbating five times in his locked office. School administrators were notified by the janitor, who found a tissue in the teacher’s waste basket that “smelled like semen.”
44:32 – The Supreme Court is hearing a case about a California SWAT team officer who sued the city of Ontario, Calif., for violating his privacy after superiors looked at personal messages he sent on his work-issued pager. He said they didn’t have the right to do it. He had been sending texts to both his estranged wife and girlfriend, who he worked with. The main problem is the Supreme Court judges aren’t that tech-savvy. Midway through the argument, Chief Justice John Roberts asked, “What’s the difference between e-mail and a pager?” At another point, Justice Anthony Kennedy asked, “All right, what would happen if a text message was sent at the exact same time another text message was sent? Does it say ‘Your call’s important to us and we’ll get back to you.’?”
48:36 – An American Airlines passenger, Brad Bisallion, posted a picture of the plane he flew on, which had duct tape on the wing. American Airlines confirmed this, and said it was called “high-speed tape,” in the aviation industry. An aviation consultant said, “I would be surprised if today, right now, there’s not an airplane on every airline in the United States that’s not flying around with some of this stuff on it.”
56:43 – Analysts predict as many as 4 million 3D televisions could be sold this year. Manufacturers are making sure consumers are aware of potential side effects from the technology. User manuals warn that the viewer could experience intense headaches, eye strain, fatigue and/or dryness or blurred vision, muscle twitches, problems with balance, nausea, light-headedness. Pregnant women should take extra precautions and people at risk of strokes or seizures should consult a medical professional before watching it. Absolutely no alcohol while you’re watching it and users should take frequent breaks.
5:45 – Seth’s mother says hello to everybody and she wanted Seth to mention that Thomas Angove has passed away at 92. He was the inventor of boxed wine.
6:52 – 23-year-old LaShawn Merritt is the reigning Olympic and world 400-meter track champion. He has accepted a two-year ban from running after failing a USA Track & Field drug test that was the result of his use of over-the-counter penis enlargement product Extenze (Episode 062, 44:46). Explaining his mistake of not knowing the ingredients in it, he says “To know that I’ve tested positive is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around.”
9:03 – Adam Jones, a 24-year-old centerfielder for the Baltimore Orioles, is the only black dude on the Orioles’ roster. The Orioles are 4-18, worst in the MLB at air time. Jah wonders how lame the bus rides are when they’re all singing along to Dave Matthews Band and he’s rolling his eyes.
10:13 – Kathryn Bigelow has announced a follow-up to her film The Hurt Locker, which won her a Best Director Oscar this year. Next month in L.A. she’s going to be shooting a Revlong lipstick commercial with Jessica Biel.
25:52 – The average speed, in miles per hour, of a man’s ejaculate, is 28 miles per hour. Seth thinks Jah’s is 33. Seth and Jah say Jim Carrey is the Nolan Ryan of jizz, reaching 96-97 miles per hour
28:02 – 75-year-old Ronald Wayne, who lives in a modest home on a small state pension in the retiree town of Pahrump, Nev., is often referred to as the “third founder of Apple Computers.” He worked side-by-side with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in the early to mid-1970s. Wayne had a 10% share of the Apple Computer Company and sold them in 1976 for $800. They would be worth in the billions at this point if he had kept them.
31:26 – SETI (The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) has an array of radio telescopes, about 350 high-tech dishes spread out over the 90 acres of the Northern California wilderness. They’ve decided they’re going to give their raw data and algorithms out to the public so they can harness the power of everyone’s findings.
32:47 – NASA just held a conference to discuss alien life in Houston to commemorate 50 years of research.
36:17 – Just like when he donated $27,777 in late 1978 to save the “Y” in the HOLLYWOOD sign (Episode 049, 43:41), Hugh Hefner came in at the very last second and gave $900,000 to the Trust for Public Land, giving them the $12.5 million they needed to buy the Cahuenga Peak from a development firm and make it a permanent part of Griffith Park.
49:00 – This month marks the 50th anniversary of “the pill” in the U.S. Nowadays women can choose between the pill, patches, rings, implants and even the morning-after pill. Yet despite all these options, one-half of all pregnancies in the U.S. – more than 3 million a year – are unintended. Jah thinks the better option would be for guys to take a pill that makes “dum-dum sperm” that don’t know how to swim for 24 hours.
1:52 – Seth congratulates Goodluck Jonathan (Episode 207, 56:20), who has officially been sworn in as president of Nigeria.
2:26 – A paper in the May issue of the journal Symbolic Interaction suggests that parents have a very hard time grasping their teen’s sexuality, thinking their own kids are innocent and are not really interested in sex, while everyone else’s kids are highly sexual.
7:07 – Mom Logic is a website with the slogan “What Moms are Talking About,” and claims that the day after Mother’s Day is the second-busiest day of the year for female member sign-ups at Ashley Madison. Number 1 day of the year is the day after Valentine’s Day. A typical Monday at Ashley Madison sees roughly 2,500 to 3,000 new women sign up. The day after Mother’s Day last year saw 24,000. This year they expected 30,000.
11:38 – Former First Lady Laura Bush has a new book out called Spoken From the Heart. In it she looks back on the night in 1963 when she was driving with a girlfriend of hers, they were having a discussion, she ran a stop sign and killed somebody. Her quote: “The whole time I was praying that the person in the other car was alive. In my mind I was calling, ‘Please God, Please God, Please God,’ over and over again.” She never contacted his parents or went to the funeral.
17:11 – 17-year-old Phillies fan Steve Consalvi was at Citizens Bank Park and called his dad and said he wanted to run on the field. His dad told him not to do it. He ran around for about 30 seconds and got tased. The next night, a dude in a Phillies shirt at Citizens Bank Park gets on the field but doesn’t get tased. A couple weeks ago in Philadelphia, an off-duty police officer brought his two daughters and had a terrible time because everyone was drunk and swearing. He got a bunch of people escorted out of the stadium, and after they leave another guy gets up in his face to give him the business, stands behind the father and the daughter, sticks his fingers down his throat and pukes on both of them and then punched the cop in the ear. A fan nearby caught a foul ball and gave it to the girl who got puked on.
21:11 – MMA fighter Tito Ortiz was arrested last week for assaulting his live-in girlfriend and the mother of his children, former porn star Jenna Jameson. The couple met on Myspace in 2006 and last year had twin boys. In an interview, visibly shaken and very tearful, Jameson says “It’s just hard to trust anybody in my life. It makes you wonder what you did wrong. I’m so in utter shock that this happened because we were America’s couple.”
29:35 – Coming in June, a dating site just for people who love Apple. Apple fanboys and Apple fangirls. It’s called “Cupidtino,” – a play on the words “Cupid” and “Cupertino,” where Apple HQ resides.
33:55 – Several passengers were forced to restrain 32-year-old Matthew Kleindorfer on a SkyWest Airlines flight from Montana to Salt Lake City after he began banging on the cockpit door, saying he was an alien and he wanted to fly the plane.
39:03 – To coincide with today’s National Prayer Day, USA Today conducted a poll concerning God and faith. 92% of those polled said there is a God, and 83% said that God answers prayers. Seth is surprised in the gap between those who believe in God and those who believe God answers prayers, while Jah is surprised that the percentage is so high for people who believe in God. A lot of people in his life struggle with that concept. Seth thinks there’s maybe 12 people in his whole life who don’t believe in God. Jah’s experience has been the polar opposite, and most everyone believes it’s all dead.
43:44 – TIME magazine released their 100 Most Influential People in the World. Sean “Diddy” Combs wrote a piece about Ashton Kutcher: “This guy will show us the future.”
48:26 – Roger Ebert wrote an article about why he hates 3D. One of his reasons is that “It adds nothing to the experience. … What would Fargo gain in 3D? Casablanca? Precious?” Seth says that if Precious was in 3D, he wouldn’t have left after 10 minutes thinking that the movie sucked; he would’ve stayed because it would have been awesome.
3:30 – If you can’t get to Hubble this week, get to a newsstand and pick up your June issue of Playboy this week and take a look at the 3D centerfold. The even more amazing thing about this edition of Playboy is that it features the first-ever playmate born in the 1990s (Episode 084, 51:05; Episode 091, 16:42; Episode 147, 53:02). Her name is Katie Vernola, and she’s Miss June. The pictoral is entitled “Little Surfer Girl.” She was born on Oct. 21, 1991. In Seth’s research, there was an October ’89, a November ’89, a December 89’, and then it just jumped to 1991.
5:35 – Jah lists off the most popular baby names of 2009 (Episode 070, 41:29; Episode 099, 36:33; Episode 145, 5:26; Episode 166, 7:38). Top 3 boys: 1) Jacob, 2) Ethan, 3) Michael. Top 3 girls: 1) Isabella, 2) Emma, 3) Olivia. Some other boys names – 159) Tanner, 194) Camden, 267) Kyler, 347) Greyson, 436) Talon, 583) Remington, 700) Sincere, 718) Gage, 879) Krish, 991) Chaz, 994) Stone, 30) Jonathan, 140) Seth. There are also a bunch of names that are so played out that you have to spell them differently: Brittneigh, Midisyn, Chyse. Some other girls names – 241) Delaney, Brielle, Dolce, Bailey, Ainsley, Journey, Brisa, Briley, Paityn, Karma, Mary Jane.
13:03 – Movie Gallery, who also owns Hollywood Video – the second-biggest movie rental chain behind Blockbuster – will be closing 2,415 locations.
17:44 – Seth got the lineup for the KROQ annual Weenie Roast, being held Saturday, June 5 at the Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre in Los Angeles. The headliners are Stone Temple Pilots, Sublime w/ Rome and Hole.
22:20 – People across the country who suffer from allergies have been turning to things called “salt rooms.” They have halo therapy, a 45-minute session that costs around $45. Designed to mimic salt caves in Eastern Europe, proponents claim its benefits extend to respiratory problems and skin conditions. The walls, floors and ceilings are coated in salt while generators grind salt into tiny particles and blow it into the air you are breathing. You sit in a chair and let the salt wash over your entire body.
32:51 – The 1940 Bel-Air estate, until recently owned by Nic Cage, is back on the market for $12.75 million. Its former owners include entertainer Dean Martin and singer Tom Jones. Cage lost the trophy home at a foreclosure auction earlier in April. The baronial mansion, at 11,800 square feet, has a central tower, custom wine cellar, 35-seat home theater, six bedrooms and nine bathrooms. It has a brick paved motor home and a basketball court. The gated house, now empty of Cage’s belongings and furniture, was open to real estate agents last week. Missing, too, are the 35 bronze wall sconce holders made from a cast of the Oscar winner’s arm.
43:02 – A satellite orbiting the earth right now called Galaxy 15 had its electronic brain fried by a solar storm and has gone rogue. It is being called a zombie satellite. It’s hurtling through outer space at about 22,000 miles per hour above the earth and the wayward equipment could possibly hit other orbiting satellites and knock out our television throughout the entire country.
46:25 – Movieline is reporting that the jive-talking, illiterate, gold-toothed robots from Transformers 2, Mudflap and Skids (Episode 172, 12:49), will not return for July 2011’s Transformers 3. Seth read the comments portion of this story, and people were comparing them to the Jar-Jar Binks of the Transformers world. A man who goes by the name “Lucas” defended the characters: “Yes, they were racist, but these bots got all their knowledge from TV and movies, and that is the way that blacks have been depicted.”
48:47 – The rise of dude food, or bachelor chow. Spencer Walker has taken the “recipes that will get you laid” from his popular food blog and published a book this week called Cook to Bang. “Cunny linguini,” “Beat yo’ meat salad,” “Bust a nut squash,” “Diddle that cous-cous,” “Eggs beg-a-dick,” “Fishy pink tacos,” “Don’t catch crabs dip,” “Spank my halibut,” “Eat-a my pita sinwich,” and “Pop their cherry jubilee.”
54:23 – The only way to determine a lake sturgeon’s sex currently is to examine its internal sexual organs. While analyzing DNA from the gonads of lake sturgeons, Purdue University researchers found that the sturgeon genome contains a gene called trematode that didn’t originally belong to it and may harbor a protozoan parasite that causes a sexually transmitted disease in humans.
56:58 – There has been a movement in the medical world to possibly change the standard colors of the standard-issue hospital gowns. Scientists Mark Changizi and Kevin Rio believe the venerable hospital gown needs a makeover. In a study published recently in the journal Medical Hypotheses, they argue that the typical hospital gown colors — usually a solid blue or green or a print on a white background — may not help health professionals see if skin tones are changing, signaling a serious condition such as cyanosis. Cyanosis produces a blue or purplish color to the skin and mucous membranes, signifying that there may be less oxygen in the bloodstream. Pale or yellow-tinged skin can signal other health problems. One solution, they suggest, is to give patients gowns and sheets that are close in color to their skin tone.
3:27 – The U.S. apologized officially to Indians in Washington D.C. this week. A Republican senator has read a congressional apology for “ill-conceived policies and acts of violence against American Indians by the U.S. government.” Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas spoke to a crowd that included the leaders of the Cherokee, Choctaw, Muskogee, Sisseton, Wahpeton, Oyate and Pawnee nations. Cherokee nation chief Chad Smith said that while most tribes had not specifically asked for a formal apology, the gesture was greatly appreciated.
5:38 – Anti-identity theft company Lifelock is led by CEO Todd Davis, who gives out his social security number freely. In the last three years, Davis has been the victim of identity theft at least 13 times, and the company was fined $12 million in March by the FTC.
22:48 – June 4, 2010. It’s called Splice. Superstar genetic engineers Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley achieve fame by successfully splicing together the DNA of different animals to create incredible new animal hybrids. Now they want to up the stakes and use human DNA in a hybrid that could revolutionize both science and medicine. But when the pharmaceutical company that funds their research forbids it, they secretly conduct their own experiments in the pursuit of even greater scientific discovery. Ignoring all of society’s ethical and legal boundaries, the two scientists create a new creature of strange beauty, uncommon intelligence and unexpected physical developments. They name it “Dren.” (Episode 133, 17:59).
30:41 – Newsweek put out their Fear Index to let us know what we’re scared about. 2.2 million burglaries happen a year and 8.3 million identity thefts happen a year. There are 28 shark attacks a year and 4.5 million dog bites. There are 321 fatal airline disasters a year and 34,017 fatal car crashes.
37:09 – Philadelphia postal agents went to the home of a carrier who had not been to work since February. They have not found him as of yet but they have found about 20,000 pieces of mail dating back to 1997 in his garage. The post office has begun the process of mailing those out.
47:30 – Seth read an article about the volcano that stranded travelers. A dude gets back to Denver after being stuck over there, gets in his car, drives it out of the parking garage and the attendant asks for $800.
49:48 – Togetherville is a social network for kids ages 6-10 that launched this week. It’s free to join. Kids’ accounts must be created by their parents’ own Facebook accounts. Parents can approve and reject their kids’ friends.
1:07:55 – There was a female nurse in Los Angeles who got off her shift at 3 a.m., was driving home and stopped at a gas station at Pico Blvd. and Western Ave. to pump gas. There was a crazy car accident out on the street where a car went into a lightpole, knocked the lightpole over and hit a dude and knocked him out. She left the pump in her car and ran over to tend to this pedestrian. As she’s doing that and a crowd has gathered around, some woman sees the nurse helping out and runs over to the gas station, gets in her car and steals it. The nurse leaves the guy, who ends up dying, and tries to get her car and ends up getting dragged 60 feet down Western. The woman was eventually arrested later.
18:44 – Seth read about the World Sauna Championships, which are held in Finland each year. They’ve had it for 11 years and every single year it’s been won by a Fin. Seth wishes an American would get in this competition and beat the Fin. There are 5.2 million people in Finland and 2 million saunas. They start the sauna at 230 degrees and pour water on it. The winner can do about 10 minutes. Breathing through the nose causes you to burn the skin.
21:32 – The guy who won the Boston Marathon in 2003, 2006, 2007 and 2008 was named Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot. The guy who won this year’s marathon was Robert Kiprono Cheruiyot. The International Track & Field Federation said there are 36 Cheruiyots in the Kenyan highlands training for competition.
24:21 – Apple has officially ended its “I’m A Mac” campaign. Seth thinks he could’ve seen another 4-5 of those and not minded (Episode 094,16:54). The last commercial was on TV last October. The first spot with Justin Long and John Hodgman debuted in 2006. Apple pulled all the spots from its website, which totaled more than 60 in TV and print.
26:20 – The New York Yankees and Yankee Stadium have banned anyone entering the stadium from bringing in an iPad. They say it should be classified as a laptop. The Boston Red Sox and Fenway Stadium do not have a ban on them.
35:40 – Thousands of pieces of undelivered mail have now been found in another home dating back to the early 1990s. They have been found in a shed in Michigan by the sister of a 66-year-old former postal service worker. His name is Earl Hicks and is retired in Florida. He said he was so overwhelmed by his route that he began bringing the mail home. He feared if he ever brought it in he would lose his job.
46:32 – There was a cop in UYD’s neck of the woods, in Costa Mesa, who was charged on Thursday with hiding a GPS tracking system in a woman’s car so he could follow her around. Aaron Paul Parsons, 30, was charged with one misdemeanor count of unlawful use of an electronic tracking device. He hid the device in her vehicle on March 18 and then would allegedly just show up at places where she happened to be. She went and looked in and around her car after several run-ins and found it, stamped “CMPD.”
59:30 – It’s estimated that 45 million Americans drive our roads every day without buckling up.
4:50 – AMC Entertainment could not come to an agreement with the property owner of an AMC 24, so the country’s very first megaplex with stadium seating – which opened in 1995 – will be closing this December. Seth read the comments section and one commenter was really sad because he recalled getting his first handjob while watching Titanic there.
9:41 – UC-Berkeley is going to send all 5,500 incoming freshmen and transfer students swabs in the mail and they’re being asked if they are willing to return them with DNA cells from the inside of their mouths. The swabs would then be analyzed for gene variations that affect people’s reactions to 3 dietary substances – lactose, folic acid and alcohol. The programs is being called “Bring Your Genes to Cal,” and has already come under fire from various privacy activists, etc. Jah doesn’t know about this, but he does knw that Elijah Wood had a portrait of his DNA made into artwork for his wall. Seth is down with this.
13:10 – The California Department of Justice arrested 31 people after a 4-month investigation into the fraudulent redemption of out-of-state recyclable cans and bottles. It totaled about $3.5 million that were redeemed at 5 cents per bottle. The crew would take the redeemables from Mexico, Arizona and Nevada, then store them at a home in Las Vegas. They would then truck them across state lines into Montclair, Calif., where they were broken down into smaller loads so as not to look suspicious and then brought all over Southern California to different locations. Jah wonders how they uncovered that. Seth thinks it’s like Bosworth, they had to go undercover, Stone Cold style.
21:16 – Seth informs us that 50 Cent is back Episode 220, 5:56). He already regained the weight after becomng Dave Chapelle for a short time.
21:59 – Seth dips back into Splice, Episode 219, 22:48), saying dren is DTF and we’re talking about a serious Orphan situation.
30:07 – Freeway Ricky Ross is suing Rick Ross because Freeway Ricky Ross is a convicted Los Angeles cocaine kingpin. He was born Ricky Donnell Ross. He’s out of jail and planning to sue the rapper Rick Ross, whose real name is William Leonard Roberts, for profiting off the unlawful use of his name. Freeway Ricky Ross was the leader of a drug empire in South Los Angeles in the early 80s. He got the nickname Freeway because he owned so many properties along the Harbor Freeway. He was making $3 million a day. He was arrested buying 100 kg of cocaine from an undercover federal agent and served 14 years in jail. He just got out. He’s super upset because while he was in the clink Rick Ross created this huge persona, and Rick Ross actually spent time as a Florida Corrections Officer in the early 90s, and Freeway don’t play that. Seth wonders if there was an MC Sirhan Sirhan, would he get sued by the Bobby Kennedy killer?
49:26 – The National Consumers League has named their Worst Teen Jobs for this summer, and #1 is Traveling Youth Sales jobs. More than 40,000 teens will spend the summer going door-to-door selling magazines and household cleaning supplies, etc. During the history of this fine youth job movement, kids have been robbed, assaulted, deserted and murdered. Another big problem is car accidents that occur with vanloads of kids and unlicensed drivers who lug them around and drop them off in neighborhoods.
51:24 – Father Gregory Boyle started Homeboy Industries 20 years ago. It gives former LA gang members jobs, counseling and tattoo removal. Their motto is “Nothing stops a bullet like a job.” They have their Homeboy Bakery and Homegirl Café. Due to budget constraints in these tough economic times, Father Boyle has had to lay off nearly all of his 300 employees.
57:10 – A used car salesman from California named Ruben Hernandez, 34, was just sentenced to 12 years in prison for a crazy house buying fraud scheme where he was using fake social security numbers and bank statements. He stole $4 million from banks and was arrested after being nabbed in a high-speed chase. They searched his Pasadena home and found a creeptastic bedroom with voodoo-like shrines and effigy dolls. Three of the voodoo dolls were dunked upside-down in brown liquid. One had the name of the district attorney on it and the other 2 had names of investigators who were tracking them. They had to call in a professor from UCLA, who said it’s a curse tied to the Palo Mayombe religion, which was brought to the Caribbean during the slave trade. When they questioned the guy, he said it wasn’t voodoo, he said it was “spiritual acupuncture.” The DEA said that around the time of the hearing, his left foot for no reason swelled up and it was crazy painful.
3:16 – The highest one-week tally recorded in the 16 years of the Sound Scan Data was in December 2000. 45.4 million albums were sold that week. This past week, some say it’s the lowest since the early 1970s. Just under 5 million albums were sold last week.
7:27 – Next Friday, the 25th of June, marks the 1-year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death.
23:54 – William Shatner boldly goes where no dad should go based on the Twitter sensation “Shit My Dad Says.”
25:16 – U.S. lawmakers have demanded company records from two contractors they say were hired by Johnson and Johnson to buy back all the defective Motrin children’s medicine from stores in what they were calling a “phantom recall.” Johnson & Johnson paid inventory counting services to have agents go into the stores, pharmacies and gas stations where it was and purchase all of them as if they were actual customers.
34:11 – NASA is inviting the American public to send their portraits into outer space. One of the final two space missions this year – you can choose Discovery in September or Endeavor in November – you just sign up and upload your photo. You will receive flight confirmation and a certificate signed by the mission commander. Seth wonders if anyone can do it for them.
35:55 – In 2004, Frank McCourt bought the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team. He was a real estate developer in Boston who tried to buy the Red Sox but failed miserably. He hired his wife of 30 years, Jamie, as the new Dodgers CEO. Last October, they filed for divorce. Through their legal filings and papers and such, much of their dirty laundry has been aired. One of the things revealed on TMZ a little while ago was that she tried to go up to the stadium with her attorneys and the security had to stop her from even coming in. In the separation/divorce, she was supposed to get some type of monthly stipend. She asked the judge for $1 million a month, but last month he awarded her $637,000 a month. It was found out that their two adult sons were on the Dodgers’ payroll. One was making $200,000 a year and one was making $400,000, but they had no job title and no specific duties. Now we’ve learned that the McCourts hired a 71-year-old Russian physicist named Vladimir Shpunt as a “special advisor” to the Dodgers. His job was to watch every game on television from his home in Boston and sent positive energy to the team and its players. He lived most of his life in Russia and knows absolutely nothing about baseball, but was paid a six-figure salary for his long-distance healing, which was called “V Energy.” His grandfather was a village healer in Russia and he supposedly has healing power in his hands where he does touch therapy. At one point he put his hand on Jamie McCourt’s eye when she had an eye infection and was healed. There was a player on the Dodgers named Jayson Werth, who was into alternative holistic healing. He had an injury and they did some long-distance healing on him, and he ended up suing the Dodgers for misdiagnosis.
42:40 – The U.S. Federal Trade Commission is urging the photocopier industry to address privacy risks arriving from the fact that digital copiers store thousands of documents on their internal hard drives. CBS News reported in mid-April that nearly every copier built since 2002 stores images of documents that pass through the machines. The report found sensitive health and law enforcement information on copiers ready to be re-sold. In a recent letter to Rep. Ed Markey (Mass.), FTC Chairman John Leibowitz said the agency is examining whether copier makers and resellers are warning their customers about the privacy risks. He called the hard drives a treasure trove for identity thieves who could obtain social security numbers, birth certificates, medical records and bank records.
45:33 – Zappos, an online shoe store, has a call center in Las Vegas called the Customer Loyalty Team. The owner of Zappos says it’s a branding opportunity. They offer them no script and no time limit, and give full discretion to make the caller happy. They cut to a guy in a cubicle with his headset on. On his computer screen he has an IMDB page up, and he’s on the phone with a woman who was calling to see if she could get the boots that she saw someone wearing in a Lifetime TV movie. So he’s looking it up and even suggesting going to YouTube. They said the longest customer service call they’ve ever had is 5 hours and 57 minutes. Seth wonders who many old-ass people saw this report on CBS News and started calling Zappos.
1:00:19 – There’s a newly identified human retro virus called XMRV – Xenotropic murine leukemia virus-related virus. There are only two other retro viruses – HIV, which causes AIDS, and HLV I and II, which causes T-cell Leukemia and T-Cell Lymphoma. XMRV is transmitted through bodily fluids. Right now research indicates that it can lead to prostate cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome and various neurological disorders. This came about because there’s a ban in play that prohibits gay men who have had sex since 1977 from donating blood. It was enacted in the hysteria of the early 80s.
4:13 – Los Angeles’ Museum of Contemporary Art Downtown is going to present the first survey at a major U.S. museum of Dennis Hopper’s career as a fine artist. It’s called “Dennis Hopper: Double Standard.” It will feature nearly 200 pieces of his work – photos, paintings, mixed media, etc. Los Angeles magazine, which hit newsstands Friday, June 11 (their July issue), reads “Here’s hoping that Hopper, who has terminal cancer, will be there to see it.”
6:57 – The Thursday, Sept. 11, 2003 issue of Entertainment Weekly that Seth has featured a “Winner of the Week” section featuring a cartoon drawing of Johnny Cash. It reads, “Johnny Cash saw sales of his 10-month old album American Four more than double.” Cash died the next day.
8:09 – On Friday, Sept. 12, 2003, syndicated newspaper columnist, astrologer Joyce Jilson, published an astrological horoscope talking about John Ritter – whose birthday was upcoming on the 17th. It reads: “John Ritter is a loveable character. Having a Virgo sun sign helps keep his career ticking.” Ritter had died the night before at St. Joseph’s in Burbank after collapsing on the set of his television show from a defective heart.
9:42 – General Mills Inc. said it was the subject of a hoax press release that said President Obama had ordered a probe into the cereal maker’s supply chain after recent recalls. The hoaxy release was sent overnight on the PR Newswire, one of the main U.S. distributors of corporate press announcements. Some major news media had reported contents from the release before the hoax had been discovered. PR Newswire issued a statement saying the release came from an unauthorized sender. General Mills said it removed the unauthorized release within minutes, but some automated alerts with links to the fake release further disseminated the contents.
17:43 – Pampers introduced their first high-performance diaper for active babies. They added to their Swaddler and Cruiser diapers a new Dri-Max technology, which makes the diapers thinner and more form-fitting. They are therefore greener. Many parents have gone on to the internet and also to lawyers claiming that the diapers cause severe rashes, burns and redness.
21:23 – There was a party in Beverly Hills last week thrown by Vertu cell phones to mark the official opening of its Rodeo Drive boutique. The Vertu signature cell phone is an individually handmade phone crafted by one man in Hamshire, England. It’s owned by Nokia. One of the phones on display was fashioned out of an 83 karat sapphire with platinum, black leather and rubies. It costs $70,000 and also comes with the Vertu consierge button on the side of the phone. You get one year free and at the push of a button you are connected with a lifestyle manager who can book travel reservations and exclusive shit.
47:56 – The U.S. has spent 9 years and billions of dollars hunting down Osama bin Laden. The War in Afghanistan is now officially the longest war in U.S. history, surpassing Vietnam. 52-year-old Gary Brooks Faulkner, a former construction worker from Denver, went on a solo mission to find Osama bin Laden. Pakistan authorities arrested him on the northern border heading into Afghanistan. He was living off the land deep in the forest. When police found him he had a pistol, a 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles, Christian literature and a small amount of hashish. His brother held a press conference this week to discuss Gary’s situation: “He’s not crazy. He’s as sane as you or I. After Osama mocked the U.S. on 9-11 it became his passion, his mission to track down Osama and kill him or bring him back to the U.S. alive. It has been his sole focus for almost 10 years. Most people live their lives without a dream.” Faulkner’s kidneys had recently failed him and he started dialysis, like Osama. This was his sixth trip to find him. “He wanted to go one last time to check a certain cave. He had a pretty good idea where he might be hiding.” Faulkner is divorced with an adult son. He has been arrested 10 times in the U.S. for everything from burglary to domestic battery. Before he left he said, “God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him.” Seth wishes they would’ve known he was going over there, and shipped him a soft cotton UYD tee so he could be wearing it when he caught that bastard.
50:56 – In the biggest change to the company’s appearance code since the year 2000 when the Disney company allowed its male employees to wear mustaches, women who now work at Disney theme parks no longer have to wear pantyhose. Women will also be permitted to wear sleeveless tops, but only if the shoulder straps are 3 inches wide.
52:10 – Nearly a dozen separate California law enforcement agencies arrested several members of the graffiti tagging crew OCP (Out Causing Panic). Thirty-one of their estimated 200 members were taken into custody. They have been linked to at least 700 incidents of vandalism in the past year.
53:59 – Club 33 is a private club located in the heart of the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland. Officially maintained as a secret feature of the theme park, the entrance of the club is located next to the Blue Bayou restaurant on 33 Royal Street, with the entrance recognizable by an ornate address plate, the number 33 engraved on it. When riding Pirates of the Caribbean, just as the ride departs, the Blue Bayou restaurant is visible, but the balconies above it are actually a part of Club 33. Club 33 members and their guests have exclusive access to the club’s restaurant and the premises are not open to the public at large. It is the only location within Disneyland that offers alcoholic beverages. Though Disneyland has a parkwide liquor license, it has set up bars across the park for private events but not normally. Supposedly it was where Walt had all his creepy sex parties.
55:58 – There’s a 22-year-old man in Houston, Texas facing the death sentence. He’s in a court case right now. His attorneys are trying to submit into the case and show the jury that when he was 2 years old, he was featured on the show COPS in 1990 as a confused toddler watching HPD try to settle a violent domestic dispute between his grandparents. The judge and attorneys watched the segement from the TV show to decide if they could put this into evidence. The video shows HPD responding to a home where a domestic dispute involving a gun had been reported. When police arrive the video shows this 2-year-old kid standing outside with his grandmother, who told officers she had been struck in the head and threatened at gunpoint by her husband. HPD then arrested the toddler’s grandfather while the TV cameras filmed it.
2:12 – Jonathan wishes Seth a Merry Christmas. The Christmas Creep has begun. Hobby Lobby began selling Christmas wreaths the day before Father’s Day. They were offering them at 40% off. Christmas trees are currently being stored in a warehouse and will go on sale next month.
8:27 – There was a movie that played at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival in April. It was in the World Documentary competition. Behind drugs, people and weapons, falcon smuggling has become the world’s most mysterious and profitable illegal trade. To the wealthy elite throughout the Persian Gulf, falcon hunting is a passion beyond compare. The coveted birds regularly command prices up to $1 million, earning them the nickname Feathered Cocaine.
19:02 – LA County sheriff’s deputies received a tip about a home in La Puente. They dispatched arson and explosives investigators to the scene, where they found a home that was filled with nothing but fireworks. Deputies set up a surveillance operation. They arrested three men in the home. The house had no furniture in it and was stacked floor to ceiling with half a million dollars worth of fireworks in it.
27:20 – Seth read some story about girls working in a nursing home in Minnesota who would tease the old men there by shoving their tits in their faces.
29:08 – NASA scientists are leading a research study underway determining the logistics of a manned mission to Mars. Extensive data from previous space journies suggests that psychological and behavioral issues will be perhaps the greatest issue humans will face when they embark on such travels, moreso than any technical and logistical problems. A six-person crew has entered a small isolation chamber in Moscow. The spacecraft simulator will be sealed shut for 520 days. The mock spaceship will then be studied for that time – 230 days to get to Mars, 30 days on the planet’s surface and then 230 days back to Earth. The participants will be evaluated for mood changes, sleep loss, depression, anxiety, stress, conflict and paranoia.
32:33 – Kim Kardashian dated Reggie Bush and the Saints won the Super Bowl in February. Her sister, Khloe Kardashian, married Lamar Odom and the Lakers won the NBA championship. Now Kim is rumored to be dating Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin. Seth hopes this holds for another six or seven more months so the Cowboys can win Super Bowl XLV, Feb. 6, 2011 at Cowboys Stadium. Seth wonders how Thanksgiving Day will be when the Cowboys host the New Orleans Saints when Kim, Miles and Reggie are at the stadium.
40:44 – Hustler has released the first-look promotional poster for their September release, This Ain’t Avatar: XXX, which will be presented in 3D. Hustler says it is their highest-budget move ever produced. Jah wonders who is playing Neytiri. Seth reveals it’s Teri Hatcher, playing opposite Tom Skeritt as Jake.
48:43 – Starting this fall, Provincetown, Mass. (Episode 026, 54:18) Public Schools will hand out free condoms to all public school kids from high school down to elementary school – first, second, third and fourth grade.
56:17 – California is looking into new license plate technology that would allow for ads to appear on the license plate. They would look exactly like standard license plates when the vehicle is in motion but would switch to a digital ad and other messages when the automobile was stopped for more than 4 seconds at a traffic stop or red light. The plate number would still stay visible at all times in at least in a corner or some sort of transparency thing.
1:04:06 – The California Department of Social Services issues state debit cards for welfare recipients to help feed and clothe their families. The welfare recipients receive the cards to maintain basic lives. State officials have discovered that people are able to use the cards at ATMs in 32 of the 58 tribal casinos in the state and 47 of the 90 state-licensed poker rooms.
1:08:36 – A man who lost his high school class ring 27 years ago while swimming in a quarry found it just where he thought it was all along. Lenny Nason is the owner of the Granite Hill Quarry in Hallowell, Maine. It has been closed for 80 years and filled with water for people to swim in. The owner decided to drain it to start granite miner. Jason Cottle saw a picture in the Kennebec Journal in Augusta, Maine, of the draining and decided to go back and look for his ring. The 45-year-old carpenter found it Thursday on a ledge that would’ve been 35 feet under the waterline – right where he and his friends used to swim. This was his 1983 Gardner Area High School class ring. Not only did he find the ring, he found the diving mask that he lost in 1983 the first time he went looking for the ring when he lost it. His 86-year-old mother Pauline said, “I was tickled to death. He’d been up there for three days looking for it ever since he found out that they were draining it.” Cottle said his mom always thought he had given the ring away to his high school sweetheart when she left for college. She didn’t believe him when he told her he lost it. “She didn’t want me to give it to a girl. She bought it for me and she wanted me to keep it. That’s why I wanted to find it more than anything – to prove to her that I really lost it.”
5:42 – The Phoenix Police Department has set up a division called Police Assistant. It’s a non-sworn in, uniformed, volunteer police position. You get 40 hours of basic training in ethics, uniforms, limited defense tactices, note taking, first aid, parking code enforcement, community relations, crowd control and interpersonal communications. They do not attend the police academy and do not get paid.
8:00 – Jah talks about how Santa Monica has guys riding around on Segways who are community volunteers and tell people the law. They can’t write citations but they tell people “no skateboarding on the promenade” and “no smoking on the brickwork,” etc. They wear terracotta/peach salmon polo shirts and khakis and sun hats. The segways put them in an authoritative position because they’re taller than everyone.
18:49 – Fort Worth based American Airlines is inspecting 56 of its 73 Boeing 767 jets after a routine normal inspection in maintenance found cracks in the pylons that attach the engines to the wings in two of the planes.
19:41 – On July 17, teen retail Abercrombie and Fitch will reinstate their racy quarterly catalog after a seven-year hiatus. You can preorder the catalog for $10 on their website. They originally produced them from 1997-2003 but had to stop after people complained because it’s crazy.
25:53 – The city council of Quincy, Mass. has unanimously approved a resolution to make public a list of the people who view pornography on public library computers. Using public library computers to access porn is against city policy but violators are given two warnings before they are banned.
29:47 – 38-year-old Michael Baumgartner of Madison, Wisc., was arrested inside of the play area of a local McDonald’s. About 20 kids were jumping in the colored plastic balls and sliding down the slides. One parent became suspicious when the man didn’t appear to be with any of the kids. They brought a policeman over to investigate him, and he was on his laptop. He had one hand on the laptop to pull up pornographic images and one hand on his penis masturbating it. He told the policeman he was sorry he was using “bad judgment.”
31:52 – 46-year-old Eamonn Daniel Higgins attended 10 different schools in Southern California from 2002-2009. Dozens of foreign students from the middle east paid him up to $1,500 to sit in their classes, take exams and write papers so their student visas would remain valid. He hired a staff to help him with this and almost 125 different students earned him over half a million dollars during this time. He was found with 60 different California IDs.
38:19 – A VA Hospital in Missouri has sent letters to more than 1,800 veterans who received dental work in the last year and a half. Some dental technicians at the hospitals broke protocol in the washing of dental tools and they may have exposed the 1,800 war veterans to HIV.
40:09 – Nursing homes have a reputation of being a safe nice place where they can just be them. The state of Illinois just conducted an investigation called “Operation Guardian” and they found that in 12 different old folks’ homes they found 61 patients blending in with the residents who had outstanding warrants. This was their way of sneaking out of the system. Offenses ranged from disorderly conduct to sex offenses to attempted murder. These fugitives from the law were living in the facilities undetected. Some of these patients were “extraordinarily young.”
44:52 – In less than three weeks, 8 children have died as a result of being left in or locked in sweltering vehicles. Doctors from pediatric centers suggest parents put a doll in the front seat to remind you of your child.
48:02 – Thomas Mundy is 51 years old and has been in a wheelchair since a 1988 motorcycle accident. He has filed more than 150 lawsuits in the past two years demanding damages from small businesses who violate the incredibly exacting requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. California has some of the strictest policies involving regulations. Him and his attorney rock-n-roll it and go out every day to sue small businesses that will get crazy fines unless they settle out of court for $10,000 here, $12,000 there, etc. They’ve each made more than $300,000. They’ve sued for everything from coat hooks on the backs of restroom doors being too high to paper towel dispensaries in laundromats being out of reach to condiments in fast food restaurants not being at the right height.
51:11 – Two blocks away from the Ed Hardy store on Melrose, there is a new store Seth drove across called Ana. M Lifestyle – Be a part of it. It’s 2 dudes from the south of Frnace who helped develop the Ed Hardy energy drink, Ed Hardy air freshener and Ed Hardy lighter. They’ve started their own line of clothing with two motifs – the skull or the clown. It’s crazy colors – turquoise, orange with lightning bolts and a jester hat – and you put a padlock necklace on it or something.
57:25 – Pampers diapers has had a really rough summer. It kicked off with the success of their Huggies Jeans, but then they had to deal with consumer complaints that their Dry Max Tech was causing severe rashes on the fastest kids in the world. They’re hoping to rebound in the coming weeks when they unveil their new line of diapers designed by popular designer Cynthia Rowley. The fashionable diapers will cost about $6 more and will come in pastels, stripes, madras and ruffles. They are available at Target.
9:32 – Alamo, Avis, Budget, Dollar, Enterprise, Hertz and Thrifty – all rental car companies. There was an ABC News investigative report that says that these companies routinely rent out vehicles that have been recalled by the manufacturer. The carmaker will send the notice to the rental office because the paperwork will show they purchased the vehicle for their fleet. There are too many cars to pull so they continue to rent them out because it’s too crazy. Seth says the story comes from a tragic story where a family had two daughters who were killed in a car wreck because things explode in the car and fill it up with black smoke and they drove it off the road. In the deposition, the manager of the store wearing a suit from Men’s Wearhouse just sits there like a douchebag with no answers.
21:05 – American theoretical physicist Michio Kaku, a specialist in string theory and futurist author, most recently of the book “Physics of the Impossible: A Scientific Exploration Into the World of Phasers, Forcefields, Teleportation and Time Travel,” was on The Colbert Report last week and told us that within two decades we will have fully operational invisibility cloaks.
24:18 – Ten years ago, the brand-new Chrysler PT Cruiser was the hottest car out of Detroit. So many were sold that people were put on waiting lists for them. But with just over 5,000 sold this year, the last one will be built in the next few days. Jah goes on record to say that if he were a rich man, he would buy the very last PT Cruiser ever made. Seth thinks Kid Rock had the very first one; Jah thinks his old housekeeper had the first one.
26:44 – Seth tells Jah he is holding an official court document in his hand from April 14, 1997 from Los Angeles Superior Court. It’s a case between Pietra Dawn Thornton, the plaintiff, and Billy Bob Thornton, the defendant. It’s a 25-page restraining order that Pietra took against Billy Bob. Approximately Dec. 1992, respondent went to a psychiatrist in West Hollywood, who diagnosed him as a manic depressive and prescribed lithium for him, which he was taking on a daily basis. Based on his promise to stay on the meds and continue treatment, Pietra moved back in with him. They agreed that if respondent “felt an episode coming,” he would leave their apartment in the Palisades and stay in their West Hollywood apartment until he was under control. They were married in February 1993. Approximately two months after they were married, Billy Bob told her he couldn’t take lithium anymore because it blocked his creativity and made him feel “like a piece of driftwood.” He promised if he ever lost control he would seek help. It’s then 15 pages of him going apeshit-wild on her. There was one particular incident when they spent the Christmas holidays in 1994 with his mother in native Arkansas: “In front of his mother and our children, respondent shoved me. He then left the room. His mother said, ‘What did you do to make him do that?’”
36:41 – 57-year-old Dane Eisenman of Connecticut responded to a classified advertisement for a high-powered rifle for sale. While filling out the paperwork he mentioned to the seller that he would be using the weapon to kill aliens. The seller was unsure if he meant space aliens or illegal aliens. Eisemnan said that every 36,000 years, aliens who live underneath the sun come to earth to kill humans and that he needed to be prepared because they’re going to be coming soon. The seller called local police, who arrested Eisenman because he is a convicted felon and legally cannot own a firearm.
37:54 – Jean-Paul Gaultier, a designer, had a show at French Fashion Week that was eye-popping. Invites to the show were printed on pairs of disposable 3D glasses, which the attendants of the show then put on their faces to see his new line of billowy silk ponchos covered in crescent moons, falling stars and orbiting planets, all jumping off the shirt in 3D patterns.
40:35 – Universal Studios has a new attraction called King Kong 3-D. Jah doesn’t want to hear about it: “Now I can cry in 3-D and still be mad.” (Episode 118, 17:04). It’s a 45-minute tram tour but this is only 3 minutes of the 45-minute tour. The cheapest tour is $59 and parking is $15. If you go to Universal, they also have these amazing attractions that are open to the public: The Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride, Jurassic Park: The Ride, Terminator 2: 3-D, The Simpsons Ride, Shrek 4-D, Universal Animal Acts, Waterworld, The Blues Brothers, Adventures of Curious George. Jah says it would be so cruel to deprive your children of the things you used to do as a child (like Universal Studios), but he doesn’t think as a man that he could bring himself to do it.
45:57 – 31-year-old 4-foot-11-inch Patricia Dye was arrested in Ohio posing as a 14-year-old boy named Matt Abrams in order to have sexual relations with a local 16-year-old girl. The two had spent three days in a hotel room together before the 16-year-old girl discovered that Abrams was an adult woman.
48:46 – The United States Post Office, which is $27 trillion in debt, wants to raise postal rates in January of 2011. The price of stamps for first-class mail will go from 44 cents to 46 cents and postcards will go from 28 cents to 30 cents (Episode 012, 51:41, Episode 013, 41:56; Episode 057, 56:29 and Episode 157, 8:06).
54:49 – Almost 13 years after it was passed, a municipal ordinance can be enforced that bans the International Society for Krishna Consciousness from panhandling at the Los Angeles International Airport.
58:33 – Archie Comics is getting its first gay character. The long-running comic said that an issue coming out in September will introduce its first openly gay character, Kevin Keller, to the student body at Riverdale High School. (Seth includes a side note to say that Riverdale is based on the high school Seth went to, Haverhill High School in Haverhill, Mass. Bob Montana, the creator of Archie Comics, was a Haverhill grad.) The strapping blonde will defeat Jughead in a burger-eating contest, win the affection of Veronica and wrestle over how to gently rebuff her flirtations. The title of the episode will be called “Isn’t It Bromantic?” Kevin just wants to chill with Jughead. They introduced Kevin to keep Archie Comics current and inclusive.
2:45 – The National Retail Federation said that the average U.S. family with students in kindgarten through high school will spend $606.40 on clothes, shoes and school supplies – a 10.5% increase from the $548.72 of 2009.
10:49 – Next month will bring the follow-up to Rhonda Burns’ epic work, The Secret (Episode 052, 0:17). Atria Books announced the first printing of 2 million copies of The Power: a guide to how “everyone is meant to have an amazing life.”
14:13 – Jah asks out loud if the oil leak is done. Seth thinks they capped it by putting the Fushigis in there like he told them (Episode 222, 17:25).
23:45 – Football training camp starts in August. The Baltimore Ravens say they will only allow 6- to 15-year-olds to get autographs from the players. Seth hopes he’s still allowed to be allowed Oxnard to smile and wave to his favorite Cowboys players.
28:02 – Shout Factory is responsible for taking old TV shows and putting them out on DVD. They’ve done American Gladiators, California Dreams, Mr. Belvedere, Designing Women, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, etc. On Aug. 10 they’re going to release the complete series of Max Headroom. Jah thinks it was the best.
29:51 – Toyota has a Facebook page. They want to know about people’s ‘Camry Tree:’ “Drive one, pass it down, buy another. Every owner has a story, or two, or 52. Tell us about your story.”
31:46 – The MLB All-Star Game, played last week, was the lowest-rated All-Star game ever. During the festivities in Anaheim they had the Home Run Derby, won by Boston Red Sox player David Ortiz. He was wearing Power Balance bracelets (Episode 191, 40:37) over both wristbands on both wrists.
35:56 – A Charlotte, N.C., company, ScentAir Technology, created an outdoor billboard for a local grocery chain named Bloom. They designed it to smell like grilled meat. The billboard is a tall fork with meat on the end of the fork, and high-powered fans on top of the sign emit a chemically-created odor of barbecued beef that can be smelled by cars driving by. A spokesman said, “Scents break through the mundane and overused marketing gimmicks to reach customers emotionally.” ScentAir has over 1,000 scents in their scent library – everything from sun in sand to clean cotton to fresh-brewed coffee, dinosaur breath and burning rubber.
43:00 – The ACLU is demanding that the St. Tammany Parish Jail in Louisiana stop forcing prisoners to wear tiny orange daisy dukes that say “HOT STUFF” on the ass.
44:14 – The YMCA stands for the Young Men’s Christian Association, but the Village People won’t be changing their hit song “The YMCA” just because the YMCA is changing their name and logo officially to “The Y.” Victor Willis is the lead singer of the group The Village People. He released a statement saying the switch won’t affect the song or the dance people use to spell it out.
50:57 – There’s a Pentagon questionnaire that’s been sent out to 400,000 troops. This is one of the questions: If “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed and you are assigned to share bathroom facilities with an open base shower with someone you believe to be a gay or lesbian service member, which are you most likely to do? A) Take no action, B) Use the shower at a different time than the service member I thought to be gay or lesbian, C) Discuss how we expect each other to behave ourselves and conduct ourselves, D) Talk to a chaplain, mentor or leader about how to handle the situation, E) Talk to a leader to see if I had other options, F) Something else, G) Don’t know
58:51 – The U.S. Secret Service removed $182,000,000 worth of counterfeit cash in 2009 – the most by far ever. The $20 bill is the most commonly counterfeited bill but the problem is that $1s and $5s are being counterfeited and those are never being checked.
8:48 – Two years ago, the 99 Cent Store raised the top price of its goods to 99.99 cents. They thought it was a clever marketing play that would increase sales and play up the chain’s love of the number 99. Some customers say they were not aware of this nearly 1-cent increase and felt duped into believing that they were paying only 99 cents. Because U.S. currency makes it impossible to pay 99.99 cents for everything, shoppers are essentially paying $1 plus tax at the register. The company is now facing two large class-action lawsuits for deceptive business practices targeting low-income earners and senior citizens.
13:39 – UC-Irvine will promote their new full-fledged academic program, available in fall of 2010 – Game Science. The new major will allow students access to the state-of-the-art center for computer games and virtual worlds. The curriculum will immerse the participants in a 100-percent full-throttle gaming environment.
16:05 – There’s a film coming out in October called The Stone. A convicted arsonist, played by Edward Norton, tries to manipulate his way out of prison by having his wife, played by Milla Jovovich, seduce his parole officer, played by Robert Deniro. Seth saw a still from this movie with Edward Norton as a convict wearing full cornrows.
18:55 – The Juggalos are having their 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos (Episode 177, 47:56) Aug. 12-15 at Cave Inn Rock, Ill. It’s $150 a ticket. You will get musical performances by Naughty by Nature, Warren G, Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Rob Bass and Slick Rick. Comedy will be by Tom Green, Ron Jeremy and Gallagher. “The greatest time you motherfucker will ever have. I put that on my nuts, bitch!” Also screening their film, Big Money Rustlers and also Big Money Hustlers – western movies that the Insane Clown Posse has made that feature western garb except for their makeup. Rules for the Gathering of the Juggalos are 1) No paint – other than the kind that goes on your face, 2) No nitris tanks, 3) No underwear that fails to cover your crack.
23:02 – An article in Sports Illustrated profiled the Iroquois indians and how they invented the sport of lacrosse. Baby boys are given a lacrosse stick in their cribs and men take their sticks with them when they are buried. The sticks are handmade by master craftsmen and it can take up to two years to make them. The 2010 Lacrosse World Championships are happening right now in Manchester, England. They’re held every four years and there are 30 countries competing. The 23 members of the Iroquois Nationals – their logo is an N circled with 7, meaning 7 generations – had to forfeit their games because the British government refused to let them travel to Manchester, not recognizing their Iroquois national passports.
26:43 – According to Newsweek, the number of reality TV shows in 2000 was four. In 2010, the number is 320. Time spent online was 2.7 hours per week, now it’s up to 18 hours per week. In 2000 there were 100,000,000 Google searches per day, now there are 2 billion. In 2000 there were 400,000 text messages sent in the entire year, and in 2010 it was 4.5 billion.
33:12 – Seth was reading in the Health section of the Los Angeles Times, where he found that the Director of Sports Nutrition from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the Director of the National Institute for Athletic Health and Performance at the Stanford School of Medicine at the University of South Dakota are letting people know that sports drinks are for peak performance recovery and are not intended for people sitting in front of the computer doing no physical activity.
39:24 – According to the Washington Post, there are somewhere around 854,000 American citizens who hold top-secret security clearance within the U.S. government agencies.
42:09 – Sheriff’s deputies say a disgruntled former employee of a Los Angeles bondage parlor set the blaze that destroyed the Passive Arts Studio bondage club near LAX this week and killed the man inside who’s believed to be one of the owners of the club. David Edward Albert, 53, was booked this week on suspicion of arson and murder in connection with the fire. Deputies found him across the street from the blaze hiding in the bushes. Seth tried going to the website and it said “Down until further notice.” Seth discovered that it’s such a huge story in the bondage community – it had seven dungeons, torture chamber, interrogation room, classroom, office, etc. It was LA’s largest, most elegant and best-equipped play area – one of the best in the nation – founded in 1974 by 2 guys who had a love for “the lifestyle.”
52:14 – A 44-year-old man from Craig, Alaska, by the name of Kevin Carle, has admitted intentionally on two different occasions ramming endangered humpback whales on a jet-powered boat, violating U.S. laws protecting animals. He admitted in a plea agreement he twice struck humpback whales with his employer’s 34-foot boat as the animals breached the water’s surface. The fate of the whales is unclear. He paid a $1,000 fine and is on two years’ probation. He’s working for a helicopter logging company out of Portland, ferrying loggers and supplies to the sites. There were people from the company on the boat who witnessed him going off course to run down the whales on top speed. Reached at his new job for an exclamation: “I just want it to be over and done with.”
57:08 – Seth talks about the Grim Reaper Sleeper guy in LA, who killed about 50 prostitutes. There was a dude who knew him who saw a pair of panties fall out of his glovebox. All the guy ever did was talk about killing hookers.
1:17:52 – In Dalonega, Georgia, a newborn zedonk (unusual cross between a donkey and a zebra) is attracting attention at the Chestatee Wildlife Preserve in North Georgia. The animal has a zebra father and a donkey mother, and black stripes predominantly displayed on her legs and face. She was born at the preserve about a week ago and has zebra-like instincts, sitting up as opposed to laying on her side. Donkeys and zebras do not usually mate but zedonks do turn up occasionally. Seth then says “Honky Tonk Zedonkadonk.” (Episode 001, 18:29)
7:48 – On Sept. 29, 2007, Young Jeezy crashed his white Lamborghini Murciélago when it was hit by a taxi crossing Peachtree Street outside of Sean “Puffy” Combs’ restaurant called Justin in Jeezy’s hometown of Atlanta, Ga. The crash has given Jeezy “a new appreciation for life.”
9:18 – On Aug. 1, 2009, Billy Currington suffered a concussion at the Big Valley Jamboree in Camrose, Alberta, Canada, after the stage he was performing on collapsed during a giant windstorm.
13:42 – “Mindfreak” Carlos Marcia just opened his third branch of his restaurant chain, Maggie Rita’s Mexican Grill and Bar, in Galveston, Texas. The first one is in Houston, Texas and the second one is in New Orleans.
25:05 – NASA scientists have come across a new form of space weather called “spacequakes.” Spacequakes are strong vibrations in the planet’s magnetic field. They can affect auroras and generate space twisters. They can fail power lines and bash grids out via “unseen forces.”
32:35 – The Little League World Series, starting next week in Williamsport, Pa., will feature instant replay for the 11-, 12- and 13-year-olds on virtually everything except balls and strikes.
41:26 – The USPS issues stamps, which Seth is down with. From what he’s reading, here are some of their books of stamps: Scouting, Sunday Funnies, Katharine Hepburn, Cowboys of the Silver Screen, etc. Seth thinks they should flip the script and get crazy with their stamps and make Justin Bieber designs so kids will send letters just to use those crazy stamps. Jah thinks they need to flip it and make a “Huge Hollywood Cocks” collection featuring Milton Berle and James Woods.
44:23 – The Princeton Review has released its annual edition of Best Party Schools 2010. For the 12th straight year, Brigham Young University in Salt Lake City was voted “Most Stone-Cold Sober School.”
59:50 – 5 most stolen cars in 2009 – 5) Chevy Corvette, 4) Dodge Charger, 3) Infiniti G37 Coupe, 2) Ford F-150 pickup truck, 1) Cadillac Escalade
1:05:31 – Mosquitos carry malaria and it still continues to kill around 1 million people each year. Scientists at the University of Arizona have been doing research to alter the mosquito’s DNA, making it 100% resistant to the disease. They are also shortening its life span to stop the growth of the malarial parasites. The next step after this is to release the modified mosquito into the wild, where it can conquer the world’s existing mosquito species. Scientists have never replaced a natural species with one of their own creations, and these genetically modified organisms are already coming under fire by several groups.
7:47 – Eli Broad, a Los Angeles philanthropist who made his fortune in real estate and insurance, and his wife Edith has more than 1,500 works of both modern and contemporary art in his personal collection worth over $5 billion. He is one of the wealthiest people in the world. He has a theater named after him in Santa Monica called the Broad Stage, and they have a black box space called the Eden Theater. The “Under the Radar Series” will feature Uhh Yeah Dude live on Saturday, Oct. 2, 2010 at 7:30 p.m. You can go to thebroadstage.com or call 310-434-3200. Tickets are $22 each plus a $5 handling charge. Jah says Alfred (Daedelus) played there and it is very nice.
14:22 – Blackberry smart phones have officially gotten podcast support through their launch of Blackberry Podcasts. Most phones can download podcasts through Appworld, but the new Blackberry Torch will find it built-in.
26:14 – Stephen Hawking is telling us that we need to abandon earth. In an interview with the website Big Think, he warned that the long-term future of the planet is in outer space. It’s going to be difficult to avoid a disaster in the next 100 years.
42:45 – It took Twitter four years to reach their 10 billionth tweet. It took them 5 months to go from 10 billion tweets to 20 billion tweets. Jah thinks it’s an unnavigatable format, as far as he’s concerned. The only tweets he reads are the ones they make fun of on the show.
47:42 – A U.S. immigrant from China was sentenced to 37 months in prison for trafficking more than 1 million counterfeit Trojan condoms. His name is Jian “Jimmy” Wang. He was sentenced by the U.S. district judge Brian Cogan in Brooklyn. Condoms that were tested from the same batch as Wang’s were found to burst, leak and lacked spermicide. The magnum brands he had were smaller than they should be and the ribbed models had no ribs. Investigators found hundreds of thousands of condoms in the basement of Wang’s Dollar Store.
53:54 – Michael Wayne Edwards Jr., 28, from Maryland, assailed his victims with a bottle filled with semen. It began last November when a woman observed a man following her as she strolled through a Michaels craft store in Washington, D.C. She noticed a gooey substance on her backside and it was later determined to be human semen. It would take almost 8 months for him to strike again. On July 15 police were summoned to a Giant grocery store in Gaithersburg after a woman reported having some sort of foreign substance squirted into her hair. The woman told authorities that she was inside the store shopping when she felt something drip onto her. When she asked the young man behind her in the aisle if he had noticed anything, he acted “flip.” Outside the store, the woman asked a friend if she noticed anything on her. “Yes,” her shopping buddy said, “there’s something nasty on you, and it looks like semen.” The semen-stained shopper then spotted the man she’d talked to earlier in the store. She approached him but she took off. Using surveillance videos and records from the store, investigators soon identified Edwards as the assailant. Footage from the security cameras not only showed him squirting the victims from a hand sanitizer bottle, it also showed him taking a picture of the assault with his cell phone. Forensic tests have already confirmed that the substance Edwards discharged from the bottle was semen. The victim saved her soiled skirt and shirt and DNA testings are pending.
3:08 – If Seth could be so bold, it’s basically all about thermogenetics – heating it up from the inside. 9:15 – Newsweek profiles “The Best Country In The World Is…” and on page 32 it shows us Finland. USA ranks No. 11.
20:15 – In the event of an imminent death in your immediate family, you can get some type of a discounted airline ticket to go home – called a “bereavement fare.” This includes spouse, domestic partner, child, parent, sister, brother, stepparent, stepchild, grandparent, grandchild, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, stepbrother, stepsister, mother-in-law, father-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, or sister-in-law. Seth is disappointed that there’s nothing in there for a step-grandchild, which he initially thinks would exclude Jeff. Jah corrects this.
23:26 – With the global population pressing against food supplies and vast areas of the ocean swept clean of fish, Tiny Aqua Bounty Technologies Inc. of Waltham, Mass., says it can help feed the world. The firm has developed genetically engineered salmon that reach market weight in half the usual time. They get to 8 pounds in 18 months instead of the normal 36. What’s more, it hopes to avoid the pollution, disease and other problems associated with saltwater fish farms by having its salmon raised in inland facilities. The FDA has yet to approve what would be the nation’s first commercially genetically modified food animal. Some people are calling them “frankenfish.”
29:19 – SmarterTravel.com compiled a list of the 10 scariest airports in the world based on the suggestions of pilots and passengers: 10) John Wayne Airport in Orange County, Calif. – this is because the planes take off on an extremely short runway and climb at an extremely steep grade with the engines going at full bore on takeoff.
38:00 – A poll on AskMen.com says that 60% of male teens would punch a co-worker in the face if they could get away with it. 40% would punch their boss if there were no repercussions for it. This urge decreases with age. Apparently 20% of 50-year-olds and above would do it.
41:09 – After an office worker has been charged with twice ejaculating into a female’s bottle of water, Michael Kevin Lallana faces two counts of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault for sexual gratification. The first alleged offense is said to have happened in January at the offices of the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company in Newport Beach, Calif. Lallana, 31, is accused of entering the victim’s office and masturbating into a bottle on her desk, which she later drank – unaware that it had been contaminated. Police said she felt sickened and irritated and then threw the water away. He is alleged to have repeated the offense in April at the company’s Orange branch – which they had both recently been transferred to. This time the victim, who is in her 20s, sent the bottle off to a private lab to be tested after drinking it. The results showed that the water had been contaminated with semen. His DNA was linked to the crime and he was arrested outside of his home in Fullerton by officers from the Orange Police Department. If found guilty, he could be jailed for three years. He has been released on $500 bail.
48:12 – Beloit College (Episode 181, 43:21) in Wisconsin released their Mindset List for incoming college students, who only have knowledge of 1992 and beyond: Sam Kinison has always been dead … “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caff vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo … colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause … Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways … these kids have never twisted a coiled handset around their wrist while chatting on the telephone … they have never recognized pointing at their wrist is a request for time of day … second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen … seems the post office has always been going broke. (There are 75 of these statements.)
54:34 – Sextortion: using pictures that were sexted to demand more and more explicit pics or sexual favors
55:19 – Embedded with all videos taken with GPS-equipped smartphones or digital cameras are something called “geotags.” This bit of data provides the longitude or latitude of where the picture was taken, hence providing a bit more information than maybe intended. Disabling the tags can be very very difficult. There’s a website, icanstalkyou.com, which provides step-by-step instructions for iPhones, Blackberrys, Androids or Palms on how to disable geotags on photographs.
2:37 – Kellogg’s opened up a Pop-Tarts store in Times Squre where you can get 25 different flavors of Pop-Tarts, get a variety sampler, t-shirts, etc. Marcia says she would rather have a Toaster Streudel. Some of the Pop-Tart flavors include Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Wild Tropical Blast, Hot Fudge Sundae, etc.
6:59 – This fall, Continental Airlines – which had been the last major holdout – will stop offering free food on all of their domestic coach flights. An airline spokesman said the upside to this was you’ll be paying for food but it has resulted in a much better product – regional microbrews, avocado hummus, roast beef sliders, signature chicken Caesar salads. It’s hard to do good food apparently because of cabin pressure and lack of humidity and a host of other factors.
10:36 – Walt Disney Co. is building expensive new homes in a new gated community at its Florida resort. Thirty of the 450 homes will be available for purchase this year. The prices will range from $1.5 million to $8 million each.
12:19 – The Army Soldier Systems Center in Natick, Mass., employs food technologists to make the military’s MREs (meals ready-to-eat), which the soldiers have nicknamed “meals rarely edible,” “meals rejected by the enemy” and “meals refusing exit.” They have meatballs in marinara, spicy buffalo chicken, southwest beef and black bean, etc. Each has 1,200 calories to sustain the soldier.
14:13 – The newest workplace corporate team builder exercise is taking the office to kids’ places. Pump It Up offers bouncers, inflatable jousting bats, inflatable slides, skee-ball, etc.
16:30 – After he dies, Christopher Hill plans to speak to his grandchildren, great-grandchildren and even future generations from beyond the grave – but not with a psychic medium or with his last will and testament, but with a microchip. “I think that when you walk by a gravestone and see things like only a few words and a name or a date, it can be cold and personal and almost incomplete,” said the 41-year-old from Northern Virginia, who talked to ABC News. “This new gravestone is supposed to tell the story of a person and provide you with a connection and emotional remembrance.” With new technology developed by a Phoenix, Ariz., company, he now thinks this could be real. Launched by Objects LLC, personal Rosetta Stones, or iPod stone tablets, embedded with RFID – Radio Frequency Identification Tags – can store up to 1,000 words or a picture. When they’re near a mobile phone equipped with compatible technology, the information in the microchip is beamed right onto the cell phone screen. Objects says the tags – which can be affixed to headstones – can last for 3,200 years.
18:32 – Catholics lifted the ban for cremation in 1963, but the ashes were not allowed to be in any sort of funeral service. In 1997, they changed that so you could make it part of the service, but you couldn’t scatter them – only bury them.
21:36 – As baby boomers age, more families are faced with the question of what to do with their older parents. Some are trying to avoid nursing homes and are turning to a company called Med Cottage – tiny dwellings that can be parked in the backyard, hooked up to your water and electricity. Some people are calling them “granny pods.” They’re big enough for a bed, small kitchen and a bath. It includes a camera at ground level that maintains privacy but also allows you to see if they’re lying on the floor.
23:19 – Sadly, about 32,000 U.S. adults kill themselves each year. The 2008 survey found that an estimated 8.3 million people ages 18 and older had serious thoughts. 2.3 million of those made a distinct suicide plan and about one-half of those actually attempted suicide.
25:14 – San Francisco became the first city in the nation to ban plastic grocery bags in 2007, but since then only one other city in the entire state – Malibu, in 2009 – has followed suit. Each year California dispenses 19 billion plastic bags.
27:28 – Moms in New York staged a bake-in at City Hall to protest rules that banned homemade goods from public school bake sales because they don’t list nutritional content. The protestors held up signs that read, PURE, NOT PROCESSED, because the Department of Education does allow Doritos and Pop-tarts.
32:30 – The Roman Observer is the Vatican’s “semi-official daily Italian newspaper.” It covers all of the Pope’s activities and is headquartered in Vatican City. They have released their list of the Top 10 Albums of All Time: 10) Supernatural by Carlos Santana, 9) What’s the Story? (Morning Glory) by Oasis, 8) Achtung Baby by U2, 7) Graceland by Paul Simon, 6) Thriller by Michael Jackson, 5) The Nightfly by Donald Fagan, 4) Rumors by Fleetwood Mac, 3) Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd, 2) If I Could Only Remember My Name by David Crosby, and 1) Revolver by The Beatles.
36:36 – There is a year-long waiting list at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago to volunteer as a cuddler – someone who holds premature babies in a blanket for several hours to soothe the infant, giving them a human touch.
39:30 – An article in the San Francisco Chronicle tells us that for 20 years, scientists and biologists have been living on the Farallon Islands, 27 miles west of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. It’s one of the world’s most environmentally fragile ecosystems. It’s part of the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service. The researchers there have kept a dream journal for 20 years, a daily log of their dreams. All people who live there tend to have eerily similar dreams. They’re called “island invasion dreams” because they’re about animals turning against the humans and getting buck-wild and banding together to take over the island – pelicans wearing roller skates and shooting machine guns.
41:37 – Henry M. Gunn High School is in the affluent high-achieving part of the Silicon Valley in Palo Alto, Calif. In the last six months, four students from the high school have committed suicide near where the East Meadow Drive crosses the Caltrain’s tracks.
51:01 – 21-year-old Nikolas Colton Evans was punched outside of an Austin bar and died. A judge has granted a request by his mother for someone to harvest sperm from her dead son’s body to fulfill, she says, his wish of fathering three boys of his own.
6:22 – James Cameron is going to re-release Avatar, a special edition that includes nine minutes of never-before-seen footage including an appearance of the sturmbeests – dinosaur-like creatures who aid the Na’vi in the final jungle scene.
22:34 – Jah reads from an Aug. 23 article about an invisible heat-beam weapon developed in secrecy by the military and is now set for use in U.S. prisons. Law enforcement officials recently revealed plans to use the non-lethal device at the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department’s Pitchess Detention Center in Castaic, Calif. It is a weapon that shoots an invisible beam of energy. It would be used in the prisoners’ dormitory to stop an assault and/or break up a fight. It’s called the Assault Intervention Device. It’s made by Raytheon. It uses millimeter waves to heat the top layer of skin causing an intense burning sensation that forces the person being targeted to move away immediately.
31:37 – June 16 was Family Day at the Adult Diagnostic and Treatment Center in Avenel, N.J. It is a specialized prison filled with only sex offenders. The program was attended by 210 inmates and 534 relatives. 116 of the relatives were children. One convicted sex offender touched the breasts of a 9-year-old niece of a fellow inmate. He had no visitors but was still allowed to attend. The NJ Department of Corrections promises an overhaul ceremony.
42:35 – Dan Duffy has been running a chiropractic practice out of a strip mall in Perry, Iowa, for the last 12 years. A patient filed a complaint that when she was being examined for a back injury, while lying on her stomach with her shirt pulled up, Duffy began massaging her lower back and buttocks area. He then briefly left the room and returned and she claimed she heard him unzip his pants and described a “masturbating-like sound.” She left the exam with her mother and they drove to the police station and she had her back swabbed. Evidence confirmed sperm from her back matched Dan Duffy’s DNA.
45:22 – In 1987 Congress enacted the Nursing Home Reform Law to address evidence of widespread abuse of nursing home patients. “The states followed suit with a strong set of regulations that would guarantee the residents were free from abuse and had quality of care and real quality of life,” says Robin Grant, a national senior care advocate who was involved in drafting some of these rules. Apparently there a lot of residents who request nurses based specifically on race, and because of patients’ rights a black nurse can’t legally help a man who fell to the floor. “Tension over patients’ rights and race come up occasionally in virtually every state in the U.S.,” says Steven Maag, director of assisted living and continued care at the American Association of Homes and Assisted Care for the Aging. “You have to remember, the nursing home residents grew up in the time of Jim Crow. Even in the north, they regressed back.”
53:38 – USA Today had an analysis of all federal aviation accident records for the past 10 years. They found that flaws in the flight simulator training that all commercial airline pilots go through are the cause of almost all commercial airplane crashes. That is to say that the National Transportation Safety Board said habits taught in training have led to catastrophic mistakes. Things that pilots did in order to avoid crashes directly led to crashes (i.e.) altitude choices, rudder choices and speed choices.
19:22 – Law enforcement officials in Puerto Rico say the island has been inundated with registered sex offenders from the U.S. mainland due to the face that restrictions are much less strict than in the states. There are no laws barring them from living near parks or schools. Failing to register as a sex offender is only a misdemeanor in Puerto Rico as opposed to a felony in the States. That and the fact that they need no passport and beachfront property can cost as little as $300 a month, older sex offenders can live off their social security checks and just party.
32:24 – Government agents can sneak onto your property in the middle of the night and put a GPS device on the bottom of your car and keep track of everywhere you go. This does not violate your Fourth Amendment rights because without a gate or a “No Trespassing” sign, you do not have any reasonable expectation for privacy in your own driveway. That is the bizarre and scary rule that now applies in California and eight other western states. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit, which covers this vast jurisdiction, recently decided the government can monitor you in this way virtually any time it wants with no warrants needed whatsoever.
42:38 – MIT has an Age Lab. It’s to help figure out problems that affect people as they get older. They have designed an aging body suit and helmet called the Age Gain Now Empathy System, or AGNES. It helps someone to understand the aches and limitations of people 75 years or older. The suit contains stretchy rubber bands that limit muscle flexing, resist movement, lessen physical sensation, limit depth perception and mess with balance/imbalance. The researchers are then put in the suit and set loose in a grocery store to experience old age.
48:05 – The San Francisco County Jail in San Bruno, Calif., has installed 16 condom machines – one for each inmate pod for the roughly 750 inmates in the prison.
57:30 – 3.3 million Americans are allergic to peanuts. As a result, some airlines including American and United refrain from serving peanuts. The Department of Transportation offered three alternatives: 1) An outright ban on peanuts on all major airlines, 2) A peanut ban on specific flights carrying passengers with peanut allergies, or 3) A peanut-free zone created on planes around passengers with peanut allergies. Southwest Airlines, the low-fare carrier that served 90 million bags of peanuts last year, has already adopted a procedure to address passengers with peanut allergies. If a passenger notifies an airline in advance, Southwest will not offer peanuts on that flight – replacing them with an alternative such as pretzels. Because so many peanuts are served on flights, however, the spokesman recommends that people with peanut allergies fly early in the day when peanut residue is at a minimum.
1:53 – Jonathan and Seth believe in the therapeutic healing power of touch. A single massage can produce measurable changes in the immune system and endocrine system of healthy adults. If Jah and Seth were rich men, they would get massages every day. Seth would need to establish a rapport with a man or woman before he got one, and he would need to keep his chonies on.
5:08 – According to a paper in the Journal of Headache Pain, if you use headache medications more than 15 times per month you risk developing a condition called MOH (Medication Overuse Headache). It is the aggravation of your headaches and an increase in their overall frequency.
33:57 – Georgetown University has a class, Philosophy 194, called Hallucinating. It is taught by James Mattingly. “We all make mistakes. We all sometimes remember things that didn’t really happen, and sometimes forget things that really did. We all get confused by optical illusions and the phantom pains and issues. We all sometimes believe false things other people tell us. We all sometimes confuse our dreams for reality. We all sometimes believe things because we really want them to be, even though we have good reason for thinking they aren’t. And sometimes we’re just plain hallucinating. How can we be sure we’re not mistaken about everything? What kinds of things can we know for sure? What is knowledge anyway? We’ll look at some old, not-so-old and even less old answers to and ways of thinking about these questions. Some of these will come from philosophers, but some will come as well from science, science fiction, literature, film, art, etc. The views we come across will be very different and we will spend a lot of time trying to sort out our own reactions to these questions. We’ll all probably end up with different answers ourselves, but then at least they’ll be our own answers. And we’ll have good reason for them. That’s the philosophy part.” They’ll be looking at The Matrix, Existence, Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, William Burrow’s The Naked Lunch, Ellison’s The Invisible Man, Hume’s A Treatise of Human Nature, in part, recent research in cognitive science and psychology, Star Trek: the pilot episode, “The Cage,” some selections from Stanislaw Lem (the good stuff), some more philosophy stuff, parts of Don Quixote, religion and other mass delusions. Credits: 3. Prerequisites: none. Just an open mind.
38:52 – 33-year-old Richard Lorenc of Kansas had always been curious about his birth parents. Busy with a wife and two young daughters and a beautiful family of his own, but a recent back injury left him not only time to ponder that but also some medical questions in his rehabilitation. He called up the Department of Social Services in Kansas and asked if they could track down his parents. A letter came back six weeks later with the identity of his mother, 62-year-old Vivian Wheeler, who was living in Bakersfield, Calif. He set out to meet her. Turns out she was a Seventh-Day Adventist who was born a hermaphrodite with werewolf syndrome. Her father forced her from a very young age to be in a traveling circus as a freak show entity. She had 33-year-old Richard in her late 20s when she was fucked by a carny at a stop in Nebraska. The carny said she would not let her raise this child and stole him away from her. They found young Richard abandoned in a hotel in Atlanta when he was three years old, covered in bruises and bedbug bites. Fortuntately he was adopted by a loving family and grew up to have a beautiful life of his own.
42:48 – Men’s Health magazine rated the U.S. cities in their annual “Hotbeds of Sex” (Episode 114, 3:16). It was based on condom sales, birth rates, sex toy sales and the rates of STDs. The five top cities for sexual activity were: 5) Denver, Colo., 4) Durham, N.C., 3) Columbus, Ohio, 2) Dallas, Texas and 1) Austin, Texas. The five least active cities were 5) Manchester, N.H., 4) Charleston, W.Va., 3) Yonkers, N.Y., 2) Burlington, Vt., and 1) Portland, Maine.
57:06 – According to The Consumerist, a McDonald’s just closed in northeastern California, changing the “McFarthest Spot,” which is the number of miles that you are possibly able to be farthest away from a McDonald’s. Previously it was 107 miles. Now it is 115 miles.
59:12 – The FAA is reviewing a new airline seat designed to get more customers onto planes. The Skyrider seat would be a new class below coach. The seat is almost completely vertical and is shaped like a horse saddle. It has at least seven inches less than a traditional coach seat.
6:52 – Luxury car maker Bentley has recalled 596 vehicles that are currently stalking U.S. streets because the famous winged-bee hood ornament can become corroded and not fold down during driving, causing serious injury if the car was to strike a pedestrian.
11:11 – Mark David Chapman is the gentleman who shot and killed John Lennon outside of the Dakota in New York City on Dec. 8, 1980. He considered killing Johnny Carson but the ex-Beatle was more accessible. J-dawg said it was because he traveled through underground walkways. Seth thinks it would’ve been weird if Chapman killed Johnny Carson.
20:29 – A woman in Wisconsin was almost choked to death by her ex-boyfriend. She fought for her life and endured cuts and scratches on her throat and face. Her case was assigned to the Wisconsin District Attorney. The DA is also the chairman of a crime victim’s rights group. While prosecuting her case, after he met her, he sent her 30 sexual text messages in three days after meeting her. Some examples: “I’m the attorney. I have the $350,000 house. I have the six-figure career. You may be the tall, hot, young nymph, but I’m the prize. … Are you the kind of girl that likes secret conduct with an older, married, elected DA? The riskier, the better. … I want you to be so hot and treat me so well. Are you that good?” Another woman came out and said he invited her to an autopsy provided she would be his girlfriend and wear high heels and a miniskirt.
27:20 – The U.S. Transportation Department doesn’t know how many dogs have traveled on commercial airlines, but it recently tallied how many have died on planes in the last five years. The analysis showed that a surprising number of dogs who died on commercial flights were short-faced or smash-faced dogs like pugs. Airlines are required to report pet deaths but not the total number of pets transported. Of the 122 dogs that have died on planes since May of 2005, about half of them were short-faced, including 25 English bulldodgs, 11 pugs, 6 french bulldogs, 2 boxers and 2 pekinese. Still, the federal agency said that in general it is safe to transport pets by plane. The dogs with short faces may be at higher risk because such breeds are prone to respiratory problems – typically they don’t breathe as efficiently as other breeds, said Kimberly Ann May, a veterinarian and spokeswoman for the American Veterinary Medical Association.
32:17 – The Arms Room opened up in League City, Texas, in an abandoned Circuit City. It includes a state-of-the-art 15-lane gun range, a massive gun shop from pistols to AKs, an antiques firearms store within the gun store, an on-site gunsmith, classes to get your Texas concealed handgun license, etc.
35:10 – Seth references a story about a 42-year-old guy who killed himself at the Firing Line Indoor Shooting Range in Burbank. It has a history of self-inflicted shooting deaths. At least 2 people have gone there and done it. They now have a two-person minimum at the shop, with the hopes that someone would be less likely to commit suicide in front of another friend.
39:37 – The United Nations convened this week in NYC for the 65th General Assembly. There are 192 member states. Seth saw some examples of diplomatic immunity being used effectively. The most common offense is parking tickets, followed by theft. Secret Service agents arrested a Mexican diplomat in New Orleans in 2008. He stole a bunch of White House staffers’ Blackberrys and flew back to Mexico with them. In 2005, diplomats from Zaire were staying in an apartment in New York, racked up $4,000 in rent, didn’t pay it and left. Phillipine diplomats took an office space, turned it into a restaurant, bank and travel agency, rang up a $1 million tax bill, didn’t pay it and left. Murder is rare but it happens. In 1984, Libyan diplomats shot and killed a police officer from the window in their embassy in London and never admitted fault.
50:04 – There’s new contracts with City Hall that mandate Time Warner Cable and Cablevision in New York must give customers a month of free service for being late to their appointments.
53:38 – When it comes to counterfeit cash, the game is basically hot potato. Whoever gets stuck with it last gets burned – whether it’s the bank or the local post office.
59:36 – As part of a public art project in Cambridge, Mass., parking enforcement officers were given 40,000 special parking tickets that feature instructions for stress-reducing yoga poses on the back of the tickets, such as the Citation Salutation – a play on the Sun Salutation. The city transportation chief said, “It’s trying to debunk the idea that all parking tickets are a hostile action, because I don’t think they are.”
5:23 – Monday, Oct. 11 is National Coming Out Day.
5:50 – County penal institutions in at least eight states have adopted a trend in “jail mail,” requiring inmates to send and receive only postcards (Seth Style). Officials say multiple stamped envelopes can contain drugs on the backs of the stamps, and longer letters can contain coded messages, while weapons can be hidden in packages with multiple items. Some inmates don’t feel like using the postcards because it draws attention to their home. In Colorado Springs, the inmates must use a postcard that features the prison on the front of the postcard.
9:28 – The number of pounds gained by women with obese roommates their freshman year of college is .5 pounds. The number of pounds gained by women with thin roommates is 2.5 pounds.
12:32 – James Franco got his MFA in Creative Writing from Columbia University and fell asleep in his lecture. Now he’s claiming he got a D in his acting class.
35:09 – According to the National Retail Federation, Americans plan to spend an average of $66.28 on costumes, decorations and candy. It is up from the national average of $56.31. 4 in 10 people say they plan on dressing up, which is the highest ever in this survey. Jah assumes they’re talking about adults.
38:06 – A New Hampshire couple got a newsletter from Parenting magazine. It was called “Holiday Hints.” The newsletter showed a young child playing in an open suitcase with her genitals clearly exposed. The family alerted the newsletter to the photo immediately, then received this statement from Parenting expressing regret at publishing the photo: “Hello. Thank you for getting in touch with us to express your concern over the unquestionably inappropriate photo which mistakenly appeared in our most recent newsletter. The staff of Parenting deeply regrets the unintentional inclusion of this image – a photograph taken by a professional photographer and intended to be cropped for appropriate viewing.”
40:27 – Transportation Security Administration believes giving workers greater access to intelligence will help stop terrorist attacks. They’re expanding the number of employees with “secret clearances” to 10,000 – which is 1/6 of the entire agency’s workforce. The clearances gives agency employees access to information that has been labeled “classified.”
9:45 – Seth read an article in Time magazine about a device for amnesiacs called the “Sense Cam” – a small camera that hangs from a woman’s neck and takes a photograph every 30 seconds of her daily activities. When she gets home she flips through the pictures to remember what her day was like.
13:05 – FBI agents arrested a 56-year-old man named Donald Curtis, who was visiting his bank robber son at a prison in Colorado. They had monitored several calls his son had placed to him detailing the smuggling of drugs into the prison. He planned to smuggle a golf-ball size chunk of black tar heroin stuffed inside the finger of a rubber glove and insterted into his rectum. He would then get it to his son by removing it from his rectum, putting it into his mouth and exchanging it to his son through a mouth-to-mouth kiss. Jah is a son who is not afraid to kiss his father on the mouth, but the other stuff is on a way different level.
14:45 – County penal institutions in at least eight states have adopted a trend in “jail mail,” requiring inmates to send and receive only postcards (Seth Style). Officials say multiple stamped envelopes can contain drugs on the backs of the stamps, and longer letters can contain coded messages, while weapons can be hidden in packages with multiple items. Some inmates don’t feel like using the postcards because it draws attention to their home. In Colorado Springs, the inmates must use a postcard that features the prison on the front of the postcard.
15:32 – George Lopez almost died five years ago. His wife, Ann, gave him one of her kidneys because he was on death’s door. He repaid her by divorcing her this week. Jah is not a fan of Lopez.
19:43 – October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah polls the crowd to see if mammograms are the worst. His understanding is that they’re rough, especially for women with bigger breasts that get mashed into a metal thing.
31:39 – An audio engineer at General Motors created a playlist to test your car stereo to see if the audio was up to snuff. His first selection was Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones, and then he busted out some Boom Boom Pow by the Black-Eyed Peas when he got out on the road.
32:50 – Halloween’s coming up, and Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network has posted on their website a blog entry warning Christians to forego celebrating Halloween because of its evilness. “During this period, demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities of Halloween. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent. Whether they get it door-to-door or by getting it from the store, demons don’t know the difference.
41:51 – In 2007, more babies were born in the U.S. than in any other year in the nation’s history. Experts think that the recession led many to put off having children. The birth rate in 1909 was 30 births for every 1,000 people, and last year it was 14 births for every 1,000 people.
45:16 – Strong earthquakes along the San Andreas Fault are more frequent than previously thought. The dreaded big one could be just around the corner, U.S. researchers said last week. University of California at Irvine and Arizona State examined geological records stretching back 700 years and found that published in the magazine Geology that it’s on right now.
2:41 – Seth reads an intra-office memo sent within the Disney Company. Subject: Recall – Domestic Only – The Disney Channel episode of “Dance Off” on the television show Good Luck Charlie Original air date: May 2, 2010. “Standards and practices is recalling the above episode of Good Luck Charlie entitled ‘Dance Off’ for an S&P fix during the cold open of program where a character is wearing a t-shirt depicting a clock set to the time 4:20 (Cannabis culture code for marijuana). Production will be fixing in-house. The recall is immediate and applies to domestic and digital platforms only. At this time, Standards & Practices is not requesting a global recall.”
13:01 – Round-abouts are a circular alternative to stoplights. They’re very common abroad in Europe, where they eliminate one of driving’s most dangerous moves – the left-hand turn into oncoming traffic.
20:10 – Accountemps conducts their jargon study (Episode 184, 36:34) once every five years. Yahoo! Finance got in touch with them and was handed over to their corporate parent company, Robert Half International, a global staffing firm. Yahoo! combined the results from RHI with CBS’ Moneywatch employees to see what the buzzwords were throughout the finance and business world that are in heavy rotation right now: in transition, brand, space, go offline, transparent, bandwidth, KPI (Key Performance Indicators and skill set.
47:00 – For the first time, the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration will be using female crash test dummies to simulate crashes that feature women.
57:43 – The American Psychiatric Association will publish an updated version of its Manual of Diagnostic Disorders in May 2013. They are currently debating whether or not to include “parental alienation” – a term conveying how a child’s relationship with one estranged parent can be poisoned by the other parent.
1:00:27 – The Department of Homeland Security made a video for hotel employees telling them to be extra vigilant. The dark-skinned man in the video parks a Chevy Cav in front of the hotel and walks away from it. The valet runs after him telling him he can’t leave the car. They show a maid opening a suitcase that has wires coming out of it, and the maid, because she’s extra vigilant, reports it to hotel authorities.
4:41 – Antivirus software company AVG conducted a poll of mothers with children under the age of 2 to see when their child’s “online presence” or “digital footprint” began. The average age is 6 months, with more than 70% of moms posting baby and toddler pictures on Facebook, parenting blogs, personal websites, Flickr, etc. By the age of 2, the percentage is 81%. 33% of children have had pictures posted of children since day 1, and 23% of kids had their ultrasound pictures on the web prior to their birth. 7% of babies get an e-mail address at birth.
14:07 – The Parents Television Council, a media advocacy group founded to ensure that children are not constantly assaulted by sex, violence and profanity on television, are working with pharmaceutical giants Eli Lilly – the maker of Cialis – and Pfizer – the maker of Viagra – to get a complete listing of which shows their commercials will be airing on each week. The council will be posting this on their website to help parents keep their kids from being subjected to such advertising.
18:04 – A reading on NPR talked about how tough it was to find a job and how people are out of work. If you’re over 50 and don’t have a job, you’re essentially dead. You should either commit suicide or move to Belize.
21:36 – CVS Corporate noticed a store in Visalia, Calif., had lost around $117,000 merchandise over the last six months. They conducted an undercover sting operation and found that two female employees who always worked together were letting friends and family come in and take everything. Within a one-hour time span, almost $5,000 worth of merchandise was stolen by 11 of their friends and family.
35:59 – A Southern Baptist leader based out of Kentucky is calling on all Christians to avoid yoga. He claims that “the stretching and meditative discipline derived from Eastern religions is not a Christian pathway to God. People are failing to see the contradiction between their Christian commitments and their embrace of yoga. … Christians are called to look at Christ for all that we need. We are not called to escape the consciousness of this world by achieving an elevated state of consciousness.”
45:17 – The ACLU is suing Berkeley County Jail in Moncks Corner, S.C., over their policy that bars inmates from having any reading material except for Bibles. The jail will only allow inmates to have soft-back Bibles sent in the mail directly from the publisher of the Bible.
54:04 – An unidentified porn actor has tested positive for HIV. At least two studios have completely shut down production; Vivid – the leader in adult entertainment – and Wicked Pictures – “quality porn is our business.” Wicked Pictures is the only hetero condom-mandatory porn company, but they’ve still shut down production as a result of this.
6:52 – Since 2006, Toms Shoes has donated 1 pair of their shoes, called “El Paraguitas,” for every pair they’ve sold at $44. Skechers has released their line, called Bobs, which sell for $42 a pair, and Skechers donates two pairs for each pair sold.
29:19 – The Pentagon has begun work on a new military humvee called The Transformer. It’s the ultimate weapon, as it will have folding wings that will pop out from the side, allowing the vehicle to fly.
45:23 – On July, 9, 2009, in Episode 174 (1:11) of UYD, Seth and Jonathan talked about Bill and Ted’s Arclight Adventure, where Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves were having lunch at the Arclight Theaters in Hollywood. MTV has announced part 3 of this movie.
57:40 – U2 says they’re releasing a brand-new studio album in 2011. Bono said, “We are convinced we have something really special.” Seth is convinced that it’s entirely not special.
1:05:11 – The estimated life span for Latinos born in 2006 is 80 years, Whites – 78 years, and Blacks – 73 years.
2:23 – Frito-Lay has a few different snack items, like Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos, Fun-yuns, Cracker Jack, Ruffles, Lay’s, Tostitos, etc. Their website lists all of their products and will also tell you if they are porcine-free. Porcine-free refers to swine, because many of their products are tainted with pork enzymes.
5:01 – On Sunday, Nov. 7 at 2 a.m., it is Daylight Saving Time.
16:23 – American Samoa is in the South Pacific. It’s in essence a part of us. Their head of state is Barack Obama. Technically they’re a state, and they would be the No. 1 most obese state with 93.5 percent of its population considered overweight.
29:31 – A man was arrested for allegedly ejaculating on a woman and exposing himself to her in a school library in Tacoma Park, Md. on Oct. 9. The man fled the library, returned briefly, then fled again as the woman was reporting the incident to police. Campus security chased him but he was able to get away in a car. DNA evidence was obtained. She did not know the man but was able to provide a description of him. Officers used the victim’s description and surveillance to identify the suspect as 29-year-old Oritse Ayu (Seth: “A! U! – (Episode 020, 16:43). He was arrested and is facing charges of second-degree assault and indecent exposure. Disturbingly, a similar incident occurred in Montgomery County on July 10 when a man was arrested for throwing semen on women who were shopping (Episode 231, 53:54).
39:46 – Tag body spray couldn’t keep up with the industry leader, Axe body spray. Since their debut in 2005, Tag had a scent called “The All-Nighter,” which is now called “Make Moves,” endorsed by Rob Dyrdek. “Midnight” is now called “Stay Up,” endorsed by Carmelo Anthony. “After Hours” is now called “Get Yours,” endorsed by Ludacris.
59:55 – Young couples are better than long-term partners at discerning their preferences. According to an article called “Getting To Know You,” two University of Basel psychologists Benjamin Scheibehenne and Jutta Mata, working with psychologist Peter Todd of Indiana University in Bloomington, observed this counter-intuitive pattern in 38 young couples aged 19-32 and 20 older couples aged 62-78. The greatest gap in partner knowledge was in predicting food preferences – an area with particular relevance to daily life. The scientists report in a paper scheduled to appear in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, “That wasn’t what we expected to find, but this evidence lends support to a hypothesis that accuracy in predicting each other’s preferences decreases over the course of a relationship despite greater time and opportunity to learn about each other’s likes and dislikes,” Todd said October 13 during a visit to the University of Basel. Older couples’ knowledge decline partly reflects a tendency by partners to pay increasingly less attention to one another, because they view their relationship as firmly committed or assume that they have little left to learn about each other, the researchers propose. Consistent with that hypothesis, long-term partners in the new study expressed more overconfidence in their knowledge about each others’ preferences than people in short relationships did. It’s also possible that older couples in the new study come from a generation in which men and women generally knew less about each other to begin with than couples do today. What’s more, long-term partners may be especially apt to tell “white lies” to each other in order to keep the relationship running smoothly, thus diluting their knowledge of one another.
6:59 – On Oct. 23, 50 nuclear intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs) – representing 1/9th of the U.S. land-based stockpile – briefly went out of communication with launch control computers at F.E. Warren Air Force Base in Wyoming. The failure lasted less than an hour, according to the Air Force, which also said the IBCMs were always protected thanks to a secondary security system.
11:59 – Tom Cruise held a press conference in Dubai to announce the title of the fourth Mission Impossible movie set for release Dec. 16, 2011. It will be called Mission: Impossible 4 – Ghost Protocol
18:48 – There was a huge rave in L.A. this past summer, Electric Daisy Carnival. A girl died who was underage and wasn’t supposed to be there. She dehydrated. It was held at the Coliseum. The L.A. Memorial Coliseum Commission has voted to overturn a moratorium placed on raves taking place at their venue, so long as there are doctors and nurses who can work at the rave site.
34:47 – Taylor Swift just released her third album, Speak Now, and it sold 1 million copies. Taylor says, “If you listen to my songs, it’s like reading my diary.” From this album, “Back to December” describes her split with Taylor Lautner, “Innocent” is addressed to Kanye post-VMAs, “Dear John” is a rebuke of a reported fling with John Mayer, and “Mean” is aimed at a specific journalist.
38:11 – The American Heart Association has issued new guidelines for CPR. Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation has officially died. From now on, if you come across one of the 300,000 people each year that suffer an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest, hands-only CPR – rapid chest compression – is the recommended and preferred option. It was found that eliminating the rescue breathing component saved 22% more lives.
39:53 – 18-year-old Alexandria Mills of Louisville, Ky., was just crowned Miss World at this year’s ceremony in China. She is the first American to win this award since Gina Marie Tolleson in 1990. In 1991, Gina Marie held the next pageant and met Alan Thicke. Shortly afterward they had a son, Carter Thicke, then divorced in 1999.
42:14 – “Greenwashing” is making false or misleading claims that a product is eco-friendly. It’s so prevalent now that a marketing company surveyed 5,296 “green products” only to find about 95% of them were totally inaccurate.
45:26 – An article in the Style section of the Sunday Los Angeles Times told the story of Orthodox Jew women mailed to lubavitch rabbis living in LA. It talks about Tzniut modesty and covering up your hair.
5:42 – November is breeding season for deer and drivers are three times more likely to hit a deer during this part of the year. You have to practice extra caution during the dusk hours of 6-9 p.m.
16:06 – Seth wishes a happy birthday next Tuesday, Nov. 23 to Destiny Hope Cyrus, better known as Miley Cyrus, who turns 18.
18:12 – A new trend taking over maternity wards for brand-new moms is referred to as the “push and smile.” It’s because photographs of moms with their newborn babies get snapped by cell phones and digital cameras hours after the birth and are put up on social network sites, that more moms are bringing in someone to style them and do their hair and makeup for the photo ops. A female blogger wrote that these photos are “as crucial as your wedding day photos.” One mom commented, “It’s not about me, it’s 100% about the baby.”
20:59 – Nintendo’s trying to trademark the phrase “It’s on like Donkey Kong.” There’s an Ice Cube song called “Now I Gotta Wet’Cha” from his 1992 album The Predator, which starts with the line “It’s on like Donkey Kong!” The interlude to the song features Ice Cube saying to someone, “You won.” “Won what?” “The wet t-shirt contest, motha fucka!!” and then lights him up with a semi-automatic.
24:23 – Thanksgiving and Christmas are fast approaching and there are a lot of people in the kitchen. The Food Network has responded with their new app, In The Kitchen. Food and Wine magazine will be hosting food and wine chats on Twitter and FAcebook, and if you want to go old-timey, the Butterball Turkey Talkline is live at 1-800-BUTTERBALL.
39:29 – Mobile GPS technology for AT&T, T-Mobile and Verizon – which all have the same provider – analyzed the places that 17 million drivers most often tried to locate in the month of September. The top 5 searches for food were all fast-food restaurants. #1 was McDonald’s, two times more searched than #2 Subway. As far as shopping, the #1 search was Wal-Mart, three times more searched than #2 Target. Under caffeine, #1 Starbucks was five times more searched than #2 Dunkin’ Donuts.
42:08 – 24-year-old Earl Barranco is the main suspect in a murder in a Brooklyn diner last month. Witnesses identified him as the shooter of the man in the diner. They ID’d him as having a gold chain around his neck with an enormous diamond-encrusted moneybag at the end of it. He fled New York and they couldn’t find him until he went to the opening night of the Charlotte Bobcats basketball game at Time Warner Center Arena, where he appeared on the jumbotron. Somebody at the game looked up and noticed the necklace, called police, who arrived there, but he was not caught. North Carolina police and the FBI went to the very next home game and posted up and waited. He walks in to take his seats to watch the Orlando Magic play the Bobcats on a Saturday night, and is arrested and brought back to New York.
43:59 – Seth brings up an archived UYD News story from the summer of 2003, when Juan Catalan was accused of killing a 16-year-old girl who had testified against his brother in another case. He spent 5 ½ months in LA County Jail where he claimed his innocence, as did his family and friends. He claimed he was at the LA Dodgers baseball game that May night when the murder happened in the San Fernando Valley more than 20 miles north of the stadium. He went to the game with his 6-year-old daughter and presented the ticket stubs to the authorities, but they didn’t believe him. His attorney went to the Dodgers and tried looking at the Dodger Vision to review tapes and find him, but they couldn’t. Then he found out Larry David was filming an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that very night at the stadium. They subpoenaed Time Warner / HBO and said they needed all the footage from that night that they didn’t use. There, stamped and time coded was a shot of him eating a hot dog with his daughter in the stands. Catalan sued the city and was awarded $320,000 three years later.
46:01 – Oklahoma voted 70% to 30% in favor of an amendment to the state’s constitution called the “Save Our State Amendment.” It states that “Oklahoma shall not consider Shariah Law.” Shariah Law is the sacred law of Islam, namely the strict following of the Quran and all of the divine revelations set forth by the prophet Mohammed.
51:03 – A new field in pediatric medicine is called oncofertility. It’s the process of freezing ovarian tissue of infant girls or testicular tissue of infant boys with the hope that the higher success/survival rate of children diagoned with cancer will allow them to grow up and start their own families. Because infertility remains a high-rate side-effect of the toxic treatments that the children suffering from cancer receive, the hope is that by preserving the tissues they’ll be allowed to live and it will allow them to conceive at some point later down the road.
56:37 – Disney’s California Adventure Show in Anaheim, Calif., unveiled a new show at the theme park called Disney Dance Crew. The new 13-minute show includes an appearance by Mix Master Mickey, who will be hip-hop dancing to mash-ups of urban street sounds and familiar Disney songs. Mickey wears his baseball cap backwards, wears gold bling around his neck and animatronically says phrases such as “Rock the street,” “Kick it!,” “In the house,” “Roll-lin!,” “Slam-min!,” “Bust-in!,” and “Drink Up, Gangsters! Yo-ho!”
1:00:10 – The FDA will adopt the custom of other countries in relation to the labeling of cigarette packs. Starting Sept. 22, 2011, all cigarette packages in advertising will be required to carry one of nine graphic warning labels in a pack. You can view all 36 of the drawings and photos on the FDA website. One features a dude blowing smoke out of his trach hole.
1:02:40 – There’s a man in Ohio named John Backderf who goes by the name “Derf.” He’s a cartoonist. He had jury duty in Cleveland, Ohio, and when asked whether he knew anyone who had committed a crime, he said, “I had a close friend in high school who killed 17 people.” It turns out that he and Jeffrey Dahmer were best friends throughout middle school and high school. Derf published a graphic novel called My Friend Dahmer.
1:52 – Seth doesn’t know much, but he does know that Aaron Neville got married this week. Jah then proceeds to sing a Neville-esque song about the 69-year-old man’s journey to the wedding and honeymoon.
10:07 – The Wall Street Journal reports that NYU assistant professor and performance artist Wafaa Bilal, who teaches in the photography and imaging department of NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, plans to have a camera surgically implanted in the back of his head. The stunt, which has already sparked some concerns about privacy, is part of a project being commissioned by the new Mathaf: Arab Museum of Modern Art – set to open in Doha, Qatar Dec. 30 and aspires to “highlight and share contemporary art by Arabs and artists living in the Middle East.” The NYU professor’s installation will be titled “The Third I.” According to Bilal’s colleagues, the camera will be secured to his head via a piercing-like attachment, and over the course of a year photographs will be taken at 1-minute intervals and fed directly into the monitors in the museum.
12:09 – Freeway Rick Ross (Episode 236, 1:09:06 and Episode 221, 30:07) lost his lawsuit against hip-hop artist Rick Ross.
12:48 – A government watchdog group has found several incidents in which federal agents who were hired to transport nuclear weapons got drunk while on convoy missions. In an incident last year, police detained two agents who went to a bar during one of the transportation assignments.
21:17 – Wal-Mart will open 1,000 of its nearly 4,000 stores that aren’t 24-hour Wal-Mart SuperCenters on midnight Thanksgiving night in order to take advantage of Black Friday. All stores will offer $9 Wrangler jeans and a $198 32-inch Emerson LCD HDTV.
26:30 – Starting next month, Camel cigarettes will begin selling limited-edition cigarette packs featuring 10 different U.S. cities and locations chosen for their “Break Free Adventure Contest.” The 10 cities chosen will show neighborhood landmarks on the packages. Some of the cities/areas are Las Vegas, Route 66, the Bonneville Salt Flats, Sturgis, S.D., Winston-Salem, N.C., Austin, Texas, etc. Why they picked Austin: “Name a live show that rocked history – we’ll put money that Camel was there.” The Haight in San Francisco: “The Summer of Love – whether you started here or put flowers in your hair, grabbed a drum and hitched a ride on a painted minibus, Camel lights up this little piece of SF that pulses with the spirit to evolve, revolve or revolt – and follows the force to break free.” New Orleans, La.: “With a name like The Big Easy, Camel just had to ramble down to N’Awlins to snag a balcony and catch some beads and take in the bourbon-soaked fun below.” Seattle, Wash.: “Home of grunge, a coffee revolution, and alternatives will probably tell you they’re only happy when it rains. It’s the smell of vinyl in that hidden record store, the worn t-shirt and a ticket stub with a scribbled phone number on it.” Brooklyn – Williamsburg: “Some call it the most famous hipster neighborhood, but it’s not about hip. It’s about breaking free. It’s about last call, a sloppy kiss goodbye and a solo saunter to a rock show in an abandoned building.”
45:29 – After several years of major losses and store closures, Blockbuster will launch its biggest national ad campaign in almost 4 years to remind the country that they still exist. Jah knows they still exist because you can’t beat 4 DVDs for $20.
48:41 – Thieves and con artists are advertising on Craig’s List and eBay about the season’s must-have toys – many of which sell out at stores all across the country. Then they sell for inflated prices and fail to deliver the presents once they receive their money.
52:08 – Seth tells about a 31-year-old high school teacher who was arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old male student. They regularly met at her home and exchanged sexually explicit text messages. She had to come forward to the police to report an extortion attempt because another student hit her up and confronted her to try and get more photographs of her and $4,000.
58:36 – Hal Solars, 92, sat down for a family dinner at a downtown LA steakhouse Saturday night when he excused himself to go to the bathroom. Ten minutes later he had not returned. A grandson checked the bathroom and returned to the table with bad news – he didn’t know where he was. Hal has dementia. What followed was a 20-hour search as the family and friends chased a trail of clues. Solars appeared to be wandering the city in a state of utter confusion. The managers at the restaurant, The Palm, searched the restaurant and couldn’t find him. Perhaps there was a possibility he accidentally wandered through a one-way door that went into a narrow office building. They searched the building and talked to security and he wasn’t there. Relatives fanned into the street. In the shadow of L.A. Live and Staples Center, there were bright lights and people everywhere. His son, Neil, drove around for several hours hoping to spot him. Nobody knows where Solarz spent the night. But Sunday afternoon, his family got some good news: He had used his MasterCard at 9:30 a.m. at a Denny's on Wilshire Boulevard. "We were really busy," said the restaurant's manager, Patricia Aguirre, who took his order when she saw him sitting by himself in a tweed blazer and dress shoes. He ordered a Diet Coke and an omelet from the senior citizen menu. The meal came to $10.18. "He was a very nice man," Aguirre said. "He said 'thank you' a lot. He seemed pretty OK. He seemed happy." By the time police and his family arrived at the Denny's, Solarz was long gone. All that remained was video from a surveillance camera. His friends and family were convinced he was walking across Los Angeles toward his home in Brentwood. At the pace he was traveling, it would take days. "He likes to walk," said his 60-year-old friend, Howard Shabsis, who spends a couple of days a week with him. About 3:30 p.m. Sunday, Solarz called his house and spoke to a friend who was staked out there as part of the search effort. He said he was calling from Karen's Nails on Pico Boulevard, where he often got manicures. "Why isn't anybody coming to pick me up?" he asked. But when his son arrived, he learned Solarz had never been there. Then Solarz called again. This time, he gave an address. It was another nail salon, on Western Avenue, not far from the Denny's. When his family arrived, the manicurists said Solarz had been there napping most of the afternoon.
8:50 – A host of new websites have started to let people share items over the internet after paying a small fee – Snap Goods, Swap Baby Goods, Nei-Borough, Relay Rides, etc. These sites offer goods for a cheap price. They promote green lifestyles by not wasting, and they also foster a social community that’s missing from today’s high-paced world.
16:05 – There are several new smartphone apps designed to offer couples therapy for modern romances. (Jah thinks the title of this new segment should be “What’s The Haps With These Apps?”) The Daily Temperature Reading, Mind Over Marriage, The Marriage Fight Tracket, Fix A Fight – all designed as inexpensive ways to keep the lines of communication open.
20:05 – Being the holidays, there’s traveling and there’s a couple travel-related items you could take with you. Handicapped parking placards issued in the U.S. are not recognized in other countries. The blue badge scheme is recognized in countries that belong in the European Union. There’s going to be a problem with the run-up to the 2012 Olympics and Paralympics in London, England. The best thing you can do is talk to your rental car company and discuss options because policies usually differentiate locally from place to place. Seth brings this up because he doesn’t want Lou Ferrigno to try and fake the funk over there (Episode 185, 8:58).
23:46 – The average fee that airlines charge for an unaccompanied minor is $200. It’s supposed to cover the extra service and care a child is provided when traveling alone. These children receive personal escorts during all points of their travel.
29:59 – A Cathedral City, Calif., police officer will be arraigned on multiple felony counts after allegedly stripping off his uniform and jumping naked into a pool while on duty. Officer John Fox, 37, is accused of sexually assaulting one of three women in the pool during the incident. He responded to a noise complaint at a private home. He showed up, took off all his clothes, got naked and jumped in. The owner of the house called 911 and reported it. Different officers arrived, and by the time they got there he had put his uniform back on and left. He is facing felony counts of attempted sexual penetration and assault, two misdemeanor counts of sexual battery and one count of indecent exposure.
39:24 – Medicare covers 40 million Americans 65 and older, yet a new report from the Department of Health and Human Services says that each month, 13% of these people experience an extremely serious adverse event due to some sort of medical error, like surgical mistakes and/or infections. As a result of this, more than 15,000 of these patients die because of these mistakes.
44:02 – The 5 most dangerous cities in the U.S.: 5) Oakland, Calif., 4) Flint, Mich., 3) Detroit, Mich., 2) Camden, N.J. and 1) St. Louis, Mo.
59:01 – Time Warner CEO Jeff Bukes said Time Warner is near an agreement with movie distributors to launch a premium video-on-demand service to its customers by summer 2011. This would offer customers access to movies within days of the film’s theatrical release. Industry reports say that access to those “premium films” could cost up to $50 each.
2:34 – Spider-Man is now a Broadway show, featuring music written and performed by Bono and The Edge.
5:18 – Seth’s friends at Family Radio have been telling him about the end of the world through Project Caravan and Project Jonah. They have 2012 written with a line through it, and have revealed the new date of the end of the world as May 21, 2011. They have paid for billboards in Nashville, Louisville, St. Louis, Detroit, Little Rock, Omaha, Kansas City, Fort Worth, Ind., and Bridgeport, Conn.
13:03 – The NAACP has joined the FDA in attempting to ban menthol cigarettes such as Newport and Kool. 80% of African Americans favor menthols versus 20% of whites. Opponents of the ban say the ban would lead to a crime-ridden black market industry.
19:10 – There was an article on MSNBC about people who leave explicit details and instructions about how they want their pet to be put down and buried withthem after they die.
22:19 – Sony Pictures and Justin Timberlake are planning to launch a major publicity campaign to get him an Oscar nomination for his role on The Social Network.
24:27 – A movie called The King’s Speech starring Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush is about the future king George VI who has a terrible stuttering problem and the relationship he forms with his quirky Australian speech therapist.
51:59 – An expert in the fight against child sexual abuse says that the TSA-enhanced patdowns on children under 12 are abhorrent. It is beyond comprehension to put kids under this scrutiny when they may have been a victim or are currently being abused by predators.
53:56 – There are about 300 Apple stores in the U.S., and about 7 Microsoft stores.
56:45 – Book publisher Hyperion has had major success releasing books “written by” Richard Castle – the lead character on the ABC detective show Castle – played by lead actor Nathan Fillion. He’s a ruggedly handsome NYC-based novelist who’s a best-selling author trailing a sexy female NYC police detective so he can get material for his books. Nathan Fillion showed up at The Grove’s Barnes & Noble as his character, Castle, to autograph copies of the book penned by his character, which was actually written by a show writer. Another is Sterling’s Gold, written by Mad Men character Roger Sterling – played by John Slattery – which was featured last season on the show.
1:09:01 – Investigative documents obtained by the Seattle Times under the federal Freedom of Information Act found that a large number of infantry soldiers fighting in Afghanistan had been using steroids to boost their brawn during prolonged periods of warfare.
7:46 – No Strings Attached stars Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman and releases Jan. 21, 2011. The catchphrase is “Friendship has its benefits.” Jah’s mother’s birthday is Jan. 21, and he thinks he may take her to see it.
9:55 – Freestyle Session 13 took place in Los Angeles on Nov. 28. It is one of the biggest and baddest B-Boy competitions in the country. Representing the USA at a 2011 international B-Boy competition will be Killafornia. At the end of the competition when Spyder put a dude in a box, then moonwalked back out of a box, people were leaping out of the balcony.
11:57 – The USPS claims that nearly $150 million of nearly $9 billion they lost last year was from counterfeit stamps. These stamps, which contain a brighter blue color in the U.S. flag than the real ones, sometimes slip through mail distribution centers’ counterfeit detection system. If caught, your mail will be returned with a large sticker declaring RETURN TO SENDER: COUNTERFEIT POSTAGE. Please people, only purchase your stamps from reputable mail centers.
35:41 – John Toomey has been portraying Santa Claus at the downtown San Francisco Macy’s for over 20 years. He lost his job last weekend after an adult couple that was shopping for Christmas presents overheard him telling a joke that he said he’s used for years. When asked why Santa is so jolly, he replies, “Because he knows where all the naughty boys and girls live.” He was laid off for that. A nearby pub called Lefty O’Doul’s heard the story and hired him to be their Santa.
37:57 – SPFX Masks in Van Nuys make expensive, ultra-realistic masks that have come under fire by law enforcement because of their inadvertent use in crimes. A white bank robber in Ohio used one of their masks called “The Player.” Police mistakenly arrested an African American man for the crimes due to the convincing mask. In October, a 20-year-old Chinese man who wanted asylum in Canada used a mask to look like an elderly white man and got past security in Hong Kong. Authorities are even starting to believe that the so-called “geezer bandit” in Southern California who has robbed numerous banks may be a young guy with one of these masks.
45:45 – Unwanted mail from a state mental hospital patient leaves San Diego woman in fear. Sent from Patton State Hospital by a patient with a criminal history of violence and psychiatric problems, the letter had an affectionate opening — "Dearest Suzanne" — and ended with a promise "to see you and be reunited as two common people soon." The woman who received the unwanted letter and a phone call in September from a man she's never met appealed to officials at Patton for help. Instead she was told that the hospital in San Bernardino could not even confirm that the letter writer was a patient there. According to records in San Diego County Superior Court, the writer of the letter, Brent Edward Knauer, 57, pleaded guilty in 1997 to felony robbery and was given a two-year prison sentence. An additional charge of causing great bodily injury to a person older than 60 was dropped. Knauer has received a string of one-year commitments, with San Diego County prosecutors arguing each time that he remains dangerous. The latest hearing was Aug. 6, when Knauer was given another one-year commitment to Patton. "I don't want my name ending up on a law," said Suzanne, referring to the practice of adding victims' names to laws meant to protect the public. Knauer just opened up the phonebook and picked a name to write. When Suzanne called the hospital the employees could not tell her what he was convicted of or when he would be released. They couldn’t keep him from writing more letters or making collect calls. The second letter opened with “Hello Sweetheart” and then closed with “See you later. Real soon, hopefully.” Then a collect call came to her house on a Sunday night. The hospital said the letters, although creepy, do not appear to carry an overt threat of violence. Rather the letters are filled with details about horseback riding. He cannot be released from the hospital without first a public court hearing. Suzanne hopes someone will warn her if he is released. Her quote, “I’m living one day at a time.”
51:02 – Honda announced that the ever-so-popular with dog owners and outdoor types, the Honda Element, will be discontinued after the 2011 model. Honda said, “The Element proved that ultimate functionality can often come from thinking inside the box.”
53:10 – The porn actor who virtually shut down the industry in October with his HIV-positive test has come forward. He is demanding condom use in all pornography. 24-year-old Derrick Burts works in both gay and straight porn. In straight porn he’s known as “Cameron Reed,” while in gay porn he’s known as “Derrick Chambers.” He got into the industry by answering an ad on Craig’s List. In the last several months, he’s fucked 12 people in both California and Florida – plus his girlfriend, who’s also a porn actress. He’s already tested positive at AIM for Chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes. His quote: “The agent, he promised me a better life. He loved my look and said I had ‘money’ written all over me. He said I should work in gay because that’s where the money is. I wish I had known more about the risks of STDs in the porn industry.”
4:50 – Jeopardy!’s greatest player of all time, Ken Jennings, had 74 straight wins. The woman who beat him lost the next day. He will take on Watson, a computer program developed by IBM’s artificial intelligence team, on a three-episode arc of the show in February 2011.
7:46 – The Creationist Museum in Kentucky opened in May 2007. It presents the origins of the universe – life and all mankind – as a literal interpretation of the book of Genesis. This includes the belief that humans and dinosaurs once roamed the earth and co-existed together, that the great flood with Noah’s Ark was real, etc. The museum is currently raising money to build a replica ark about 40 miles from the museum in Cincinnati. It plans to open the ark in the spring of 2014. They have raised about $225,000 of the $25 million they will need. A peg in the ark will cost $100, a plank will cost $1,000 and a beam will cost $5,000.
17:10 – The internet’s key oversight body, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, or ICANN, has moved one step closer to giving all pornography websites their own online address. Domain names ending in a new .xxx suffix will supplant the others.
19:20 – Saturday, Jan. 8, 2011 – the Adult Video News Awards will be held at the Palms in Las Vegas, hosted by Tori Black and Riley Steele. The theme of the night is “Dress to Impress.” If Jah had to pick one of the nominated films to watch, he would choose Wanna Fuck My Daughter? Gotta Fuck Me First, Part 8
32:01 – Gilbert Arenas of the Washington Wizards (Episode 199, 5:31) had a long-standing contract with Adidas that has run out, and so he’s been sampling a myriad of different brands. He was spotted against the Lakers wearing a $395 pair of Dolce and Gabbana sneakers.
36:37 – Pamela Anderson is on the cover of the new issue of Playboy for January 2011. It’s her 13th cover. Her first was in October of 1989. Seth wonders at what point does she stop?
37:44 – In October, the 1968 Playboy Playmate of the Year, born Victoria Vetri but posed under the name Angela Dorian, shot her husband of 20 years on Hawthorne Ave. in Hollywood. His name was Bruce Gathreb. His quote was “I loved her for 25 years. A divorce would’ve been sufficient, not a bullet.” The interesting twist is that she played a recovering heroin addict in a tiny scene in Rosemary’s Baby in 1968 under the name Angela Dorian. After the Manson murders in 1969, Roman Polanski gave Victoria his own Walther PPK because he didn’t know what was going to happen. That’s the gun she used to shoot this guy 40 years later.
46:06 – The top 5 best-selling songs on iTunes for 2010: 5) “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz, 4) “Airplanes” by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams, 3) “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem featuring Rihanna, 2) “California Girls” by Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg and 1) “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. Jah recognizes all the songs after Seth samples them except for “California Girls.” He blames it on turning off his pop culture feed for a few months out of the last year.
57:57 – An Owensboro, Ky. man has pled guilty of making bombs claiming he feared the end of the world after watching the movie 2012 starring John Cusack. The Courier Journal reports that a James Byron Birkhead told federal agents that he was making bombs to protect his family when the government fails and food riots occur. Agent Kevin Kelm with the bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms and explosives said police were called to Birkhead’s home when a social worker sent to check on the well-being of Birkhead’s daughters heard that he was acquiring weapons. Thursday, the 52-year-old pled guilty in U.S. District court in Owensboro to possessing and manufacturing explosive materials without a license.
2:49 – CBS News, citing a “key intelligence source,” is reporting that the federal government uncovered an Al Qaeda plot earlier this year to systematically poison salad bars and buffets at a variety of undisclosed U.S. locations. Seth thinks that could cripple us as a nation. Seth used to go to Hometown Buffet – it was his jam – but not anymore.
10:25 – The Y2K11 is coming up, according to Wired magazine. They talked about a century ago, when nationalists deposed China’s emperor, they pronounced that 1912 would be known as Year 1 of the Minguo calendar. The system is still used in Taiwan, and now that we’re approaching Minguo 100 (A.D. 2011), some officials worry that up to 200,000 computers may not know what to do with a 3-digit year. A Taiwanese utility recently sent out a century’s worth of bills to customers by mistake. An identical scenario could also play out in North Korea. Fourteen years ago, the Democratic People’s Republic declared 1912 the birth year of the glorious leader Kim Il-sung. To be Year 1 of the Juche calendar, the hermit kingdom’s Linux-based red star operating system displays the Juche year with only two digits.
13:13 – Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) released his annual “Waste Book” report, which details examples he feels of the government wasting taxpayers’ money. He cites that $615,000 in federal funds was used to digitize photographs, t-shirts and concert tickets belonging to The Grateful Dead. He cited this as one of the worst examples. The money went to the University of Santa Cruz. It’s the band’s chosen location for a large-scale archive that’s supposed to be free to the public and thus warrants government funding.
25:27 – The Pentagon says that 75% of the 17- to 24-year-olds that apply for a branch of service in the U.S. military don’t qualify because they are either physically unable to meet the basic fitness principles, have some kind of criminal record, or they never graduated from high school or have a GED.
28:34 – Ashton Kutcher testified in the murder trial of a fake air conditioner repairman who killed three women. The first girl he killed in 2001 was dating Kutcher at the time – her name is Ashley Ellerin. Kutcher and she were supposed to meet earlier in the evening, but he blew her off and then tried to call her twice and went to her house at 10:45 p.m. He got to her house and her car was parked out front but the lights in the house were out. He knocked on the door and she didn’t answer, so he walked around the side of the house to look into a window and thought she was mad at him from earlier. He saw what he believed when he looked in the window was a large pool of red wine, and thought she spilled a bottle because she’s so upset with him that he didn’t pick her up earlier. He went home and figured he would talk to her tomorrow, but her friend went over the next day and found her stabbed 35 times. … Jah declares that the murderer, Michael Gargiulo, lived two blocks away from Jah’s current place, and they probably went to the same supermarkets and sushi restaurants.
40:16 – Hugh Hefner had a serious girlfriend from 1969-1976 named Barbi Benton, born Barbara Klein. They’re still wonderful friends. She dated Hef from age 19-26, and he was 43-50. They lived together at the Playboy Mansion. She appeared in the magazine three times. She’s now married and has a family of her own. Miss October, Claire Sinclair, born Clarissa Irene Rocchio (19), looks strikingly similar to Barbi Benton. Sinclair is dating Hef’s 20-year-old son, Marston.
45:10 – It’s only been a month since Jessica Simpson announced her engagement, but now Tony Romo has gotten down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend of a year and a half, Candice Crawford. He proposed on her 24th birthday at a dinner in Dallas, surrounded by friends and family. Candice was Miss Missouri 2008 and is a television personality in Dallas. She’s the sister of Gossip Girl star/hunk Chace Crawford. Chace briefly dated country star Carrie Underwood after Romo broke up with her in 2007.
1:00:46 – Jason Hope, a Scottsdale, Ariz., entrepreneuer, owns a mobile tech company. He threw a $500,000 Christmas party with performances by Ludacris. He gave Luda $100 grand to perform one song, and handed out $17,500 to Snooki to show up, gave Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt from The Hills $12,500, gave Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad $16,000, Bruce Jenner got $15,000 and Dean Cain was paid $5,000 (this causes Jah to erupt in laughter seemingly from across the room).
11:06 – There was a double shooting of some Australian twin sisters that left one of them dead. Investigators said it was a suicide pact that they were acting out after interviewing the surviving sister. The 29-year-old women had been in the Denver area for about 5 weeks before they went to a shooting range. Investigators say each woman shot herself in the head with ammunition bought at the range – one using a rented 22-caliber revolver and the other using a rented 22-caliber semi-automatic handgun. The surviving sister remains hospitalized and in serious condition and physical evidence and surveillance video from the range supports her claim that she and her sister had shot themselves and not each other. The twins were staying at a La Quinta Inn about five miles away from the shooting range. They took a cab there. The family was notified but they had no idea which sister had died and which had not. Surveillance video also shows them each simultaneously falling backwards as they do this.
14:58 – Just Go With It is a new rom-com coming out in February, starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston.
19:04 – A San Antonio, Texas Roman Catholic priest was arrested on charges that he solicited a hit man to kill a teenager who had accused him of sexual abuse. John Fiala first offered the job to his neighbor, who blew the whistle and helped police arrange the sting, and they said he got as far as negotiating a $5,000 price for the slaying before the investigators moved in. The 52-year-old priest was arrested at his suburban Dallas home and jailed on $700,000 bond. In April he was named in a lawsuit filed by the boy’s family, who accused Fiala of molesting the youth – including twice forcing him to have sex at gunpoint while staying in a motel during a Chrstian youth event.
32:44 – A white separatist drew complaints from neighbors and a visit from law enforcement officers after building a snowman shaped like a member of the Ku Klux Klan. He put it on his front lawn in Kootenai County, Idaho. Sheriff’s deputies told Markus Eliseuson on Wednesday that he could be charged with a crime because the 10-foot-tall snowman was holding what appeared to be a noose. Neighbors called the deputies. Eliseuson could have been charged with creating a public nuisance. Idaho defines public nuisance as anything “offensive to the senses” or that interferes with the comfort of an entire neighborhood. He removed the noose and toppled the snowman after he spoke with officers. He angered neighbors at Halloween when he passed out bullet casings and said that he had run out of candy.
36:31 – All new first-class stamps will no longer feature a numbered denomination as all stamps will now be “Forever Stamps.” The first will be the lunar new year, “Year of the Rabbit.” The first Forever Stamp came out in April 2007 – the Liberty Bell. It cost 41 cents at the time, and stamps are now 44 cents.
57:57 – Jah wants to discuss the issue of rampant prostitution among female correctional officers in the prison system. Jah explains that they’re pimped on the outside and then sold to inmates through the prison debit cards they’re issued.
59:50 – Indiana University is home to the Kinsey Institute for research in gender, sex and reproduction. It was started by biologist Alfred Kinsey in 1947 and the center is home to the Kinsey Collection – a collection of more than 14,000 films and videos running the gamut of human sexuality. Perhaps the largest and most historically valuable consists of more than 2,000 one-reel stag films made independently through the 1920s and 1960s. Kinsey had relationships with police departments across the country, who would send him copies whenever they were confiscated. All amateur, all real.
2:39 – Bon Jovi made $108.2 million in 2010 tours. Their average ticket price was $91.59. Average tickets sold at a show was 31,079. Total tickets were 1,180,991. Average gross for one night was $2,846,000. Behind them on the list was Roger Waters, making about $89 million. #33 was Elton John, making $21 million with an average ticket price of $96. He only played 35 shows. Elton John and Billy Joel did a tour together to make $20 million in only 11 shows. Jay-Z played 23 shows in 23 cities with an average ticket price of $80. Average gross was $1,056,000. Also on the list were Toby Keith, Brooks & Dunn, Rush, Usher, Jeff Dunham ($30 million over 108 shows, average ticket price $44), Cher, Rascal Flatts, Walking With Dinosaurs, Phish (ranking 20th - $33.5 million, 28 cities, 47 shows), Carrie Underwood (102 dates), Riverdance (175 shows in 25 cities), Alicia Keys, Chelsea Handler ($15 million, 53 dates), Alejandro Fernandez.
5:58 – There’s a new X-rated film coming out starring a hot young star named Ron Jeremy. It’s called The Flying Pink Pig, it will be released January 25th and features a storyline that revolves around a fictional food truck that serves sausage all over Hollywood. Director Erica McLean says “It’s fun, sugary, spicy, colorful, delicious, and downright entertaining. And the food doesn’t suck, but the girls – they sure do.”
11:45 – The R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company is targeting people who resolve to quit smoking in the new year with advertising suggesting they switch to pouches of smokeless tobacco. It’s the first campaign aimed at getting smokers to switch.
46:05 – Adorable panda cubs are at a conservation, and they want to teach these captive red cubs how to prepare for eventual release. To be successful, there can’t be any “imprinting” of humans, so adult people – men and women – put on full panda costumes and do all the business with the pandas. Seth doesn’t understand how the panda cubs wouldn’t understand that they weren’t real pandas.
51:07 – Some new California laws took effect in 2011. The Marijuana Infraction Law – being caught with less than 1 ounce of marijuana is now an infraction, the max ticket for which can be paid online for $100. There is no jail time, you can’t be arrested and there is no criminal record. … All new school classrooms must be able to lock from the inside in case of emergency threats from the outside. … The E-Personation Law – impersonating anyone online with any sort of fake social network pages, text messages, e-mails or altered information on blogs or websites is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 and a year in jail. Prosecutors must prove that the impersonator had criminal intent to harm, intimidate, threaten or defraud the victim who can in turn sue for damages. … The Poparazzi Law – if poparazzi are caught driving recklessly, they face a misdemeanor punishable by six months in jail or a fine of $2,500.
3:34 – Seth takes us back before we go forward. People magazine 15 years ago this week. The title of the article is “Look Who Bagged Brad.” From the article: “The down-home heartthrob who has it all wants nothing more than to hang out with his sweet Seven co-star, Gwyneth Paltrow. Ah, what even a young superstar won’t do for love. In the year since People bestowed the Sexiest Man title on a kicking and screaming Pitt – hey, after his breathtakingly bare-chested turn as Tristan Ludlow in Legends, what choice did we have? – much has changed in the life of the 32-year-old actor: he boasts a new buzz-cut, much to the chagrin of millions of fans who swooned over his long, bleach-blonde locks; a new tax bracket – his asking price is now a reported $8 million; and most importantly, a new romance with a 22-year-old actress he began dating last winter while filming Seven – a huge hit this fall with Brad Pitt as a know-it-all cop tracking a serial killer. Ms. Paltrow is his devoted wife and Morgan Freeman is his seasoned partner. Their teamwork was delightfully evident a few weeks back when Pitt took Paltrow to Springfield, Mo., to spend Christmas with his family. Evidently, the pantry in the large gated home that belongs to Pitt’s parents, Bill – former trucking company executive – and Jane – a high school counselor – was insufficiently stocked. At Smitty’s Market, the young couple picked up $40 worth of groceries. Pitt was instantly recognized despite his wool scarf and lock, dark coat. After signing a few autographs he stepped outside for a smoke, but in her high-top tennis shoes and stocking cap, Paltrow – who remained inside to pay the bill – passed virtually unnoticed. ‘That was Brad Pitt!,’ the checkout girl breathlessly declared. ‘Who?,’ asked Paltrow, in mock bewilderment. …” Jah thinks that if Pitt could go back, he would have just stayed with Paltrow.
8:55 – The District of Columbia will observe Emancipation Day, a holiday that celebrates the freeing of slaves, in Washington, D.C. on the traditional tax filing deadline day of April 15. Because April 15 falls on a Friday, U.S. taxpayers are being given until Monday, April 18 to file their 2010 tax returns.
14:55 – The Texas Department of Criminal Justice said that there were 28,000 prison escapes in 1993 and 1994. In 2007 and 2008, the number dropped to just over 5,000. John Moriarty, the inspector general of the Texas criminal justice system, said, “Here in Texas, we’ll spend $1 million to catch someone. If you don’t go after one, you’ll be going after them all.”
30:16 – The Golden Nugget Hotel is Downtown Las Vegas is living up to its name by adding at ATM that dispenses gold instead of cash. Visitors can buy gold coins and 24-karat bars that weigh about 1 gram at the new Gold To Go machine near the main lobby of the Gold Tower. Each purchase is dispensed in a gift box. Buyers can use cash or credit cards, according to the website of the machine’s German developer. It’s called the ExOrient Lux AG. The Golden Nugget’s ATM is the second such machine in the U.S. The other is at a mall in Boca Raton, Fla.
37:41 – Jay says he’s a Leo because his birthday is August 7. Seth tells him he isn’t anymore. Astronomers have restored the original Babylonian zodiac by recalculating the dates that correspond with each sign to accommodate millennia of very minute subtle shifts in the earth’s axis. So J-dawg is now a Cancer, but Seth is fine because he keeps his Virgo on lock. Capricorn is now Jan. 20-Feb. 16; Aquarius is now Feb. 16-March 11; Pisces is now March 11-April 18; Aries is now April 18-May13; Taurus is now May 13-June 21; Gemini is now June 21-July 20; Cancer is now July 20-Aug. 10; Leo is now Aug. 10-Sept. 16; Virgo is now Sept. 16-Oct. 30; Libra is now Oct. 30-Nov. 23; Scorpio is now Nov. 23-Nov. 29; Ophiuchus is now Nov. 29-Dec. 17 (discarded by the Babylonians at the time because they wanted 12 signs, but it’s all about the #13 now); and Sagitarrius is now Dec. 18-Jan. 20. … Jah says this explains why he’s had such terrible luck his entire life.
42:17 – Blue Monday is the third Monday of every new year. It’s called the most depressing day on the calendar. This year it’s Monday, Jan. 17. It started as part of a publicity campaign by Sky Travel. This notable date was first published in a press release by psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall, who at the time worked for the Center for Lifelong Learning – part of the Cardiff University in Wales. Arnal devised a literal mathematical formula to arrive at the Blue Monday theory. It factors in weather, debt, time since Christmas, timing of New Year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and the urgent feeling that you need to take action. It also reflects that Monday is regarded as the worst day of the week.
51:18 – Schwarzenegger had a bill in front of him that was finally repealed. It was a 60-year-old law on the books that was drafted in response to a string of sex crimes purpotrated against kids in California. The Welfare and Institutions Code 8050 said that “The State Department of Mental Health shall plan, conduct and cause to be conducted scientific research into the causes and cures of sexual deviation, including deviations conducive to sex crimes against children, and the causes and cures of homosexuality.”
52:48 – There’s a college called Deep Springs College. It’s a private all-male alternative college in Deep Springs, Calif. – 25 miles to the nearest town. It has no cell service and maybe one slow dial-up modem. It’s a two-year college and is one of the most selective and prestigious institutions for undergraduate students in the United States. Each year it admits 10-15 students. The institution currently aims for a student body size of 26, though the number is occasionally lower. After completing two years at Deep Springs, students may elect to receive an associate’s degree, although this rarely happens in practice. Most continue their studies at universities, most commonly Harvard, Yale, Brown, Columbia and Oxford. They work 20 hours a week on a ranch/farm. Tuition and room and board are free.
55:50 – Boston debuted an ambulance for obese patients on Tuesday and the retrofitted vehicle was promptly needed on two calls. The ambulance is equipped with a special stretcher that can hold 850 pounds and features a hydraulic lift with a 1,000-pound capacity. Cpt. José Archila of Boston’s emergency medical services fleet said it is likely that the ambulance will be used 2-4 times per week.
59:48 – In the February issue of The Advocate, it was reported that Minneapolis is now the gayest city in the nation.
2:28 – Congrats to Miss Nebraska, 17-year-old Teresa Scanlan, who is the youngest Miss America in the 90-year history.
16:43 – Seth reads us something from People magazine 10 years ago, January 2001: “They seem to be two stars sharing one orbit. Ov Nov. 8, 2000, at the L.A. premiere of Jim Carrey’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Renee Zellweger deferentially ducked out of the couple’s limousine to allow her beau to make a big entrance. ‘It’s his night,’ she said, before rejoining him to cuddle for the cameras. Seven days later the pair were sparkling side-by-side again at the film’s London premiere, where they even outshone the queen. But in the following weeks, Carrey, 38, and Zellweger, 31, somehow fell out of romantic alignment. On Nov. 30, he turned up at the film’s Tokyo premiere alone before jetting off on a vacation. Representatives for both actors have confirmed that their year-long romance is over, surprising even their closest friends. ‘I thought that they were the perfect couple,’ says Carrey pal, Laugh Factory comedy club owner Jamie Mesada. As for how his friend is faring? ‘Jim’s all right. I mean, he’s hurt, but who comes out of a relationship and doesn’t get hurt?’ Carrey, who split from Alyssa Womer, mother of his daughter Jane, 13, in 1993 and from actress Lauren Holly in 1997, was clearly smitten with his co-star when they met on the 1998 set of Me, Myself and Irene, director Bobby Farrelly said. ‘Just what went wrong is unclear. They just wanted different things,’ said a rep for Zellweger, who has just finished filming Bridget Jones’ Diary, which is due out this spring. Grinch director Ron Howard, who has talked with Carrey since the split, says that dual strains of work and fame are hard on relationships. In this case the media tension just heightened the pressure.
19:36 – NFL championship weekend is upon us. The Bears will play the Packers in Chicago for the NFC Championship. Bears QB Jay Cutler is dating Kristen Cavallari from The Hills, while Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is dating Gossip Girl’s Jessica Szohr. On the AFC Championship side, it’s the Jets vs. Steelers. Jets QB Mark Sanchez broke up with Jamie-Lynn Sigler prior to the season, while Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger will rape anyone in the room.
24:34 – Holly Lahti shared last week’s Mega Millions jackpot. She won $190 million. She is currently estranged from her husband, Joshua, and has custody of their 2 children, ages 10 and 12. In the state of Idaho, there is a community property law that would entitle Joshua to one-half of her winnings, unless she can show that he is unfit as a parent. He was arrested for domestic assault against her, which is one of his 15 arrests.
27:09 – There is a shortage of o.b. tampons on U.S. store shelves. Women have taken to ebay and Craig’s List and are paying top dollar for the female product. It has a rabid cult-like fanbase. o.b. stands for ohne binde, which means “without napkins” in German. o.b.’s slogan is “mighty. small.”
33:14 – Wendy’s owns Arby’s, but not for long – they’re selling Arby’s. Yum! Brands, who own Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC, also own Long John Silver’s and A&W restaurants – both of which they are selling.
40:30 – 34,000 years ago, there was some bacteria that got trapped inside salt crystals in what is now called Death Valley, Calif. These crystals were recently dug up, and once they were freed from the crystal, the bacteria spent 2 ½ months recuperating in a survival state, but then began reproducing again.
50:00 – A 33-year-old female animal handler was killed by an elephant at the Knoxville Zoo. She was crushed against the wall while inside the elephant’s cage. The zoo’s executive director released a statement: “Edie the African elephant, who was involved in the incident, will not be punished or disciplined.”
52:12 – Kevin James is in a movie called The Zookeeper. “Welcome to his jungle.” This will be released July 8. Kevin’s character will be featured along with voice acting courtesy of Leslie Bibb, David Spade, Jim Breuer, Billy Crystal, Kiefer Sutherland, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Nick Nolte and Jon Favreau. Director Frank Coraci says “You gotta bring the kids, but what we really wanted was to make something adults could dig as well, and that’s what we did.”
1:08:30 – Seth revisits No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman Episode 249, 7:46) about friends with benefits. There’s another movie coming out this summer called Friends With Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.
2:32 – The February 2011 issue of the CDC’s Medical Journal says that sleeping with your pets is really hazardous to your health. At least 50% of people in the United States sleep with their cats and dogs, but even healthy pets can carry parasites, bacteria and other microorganisms.
9:14 – The “Superb Bowl” is being played Sunday, Feb. 6, Green Bay vs. Pittsburgh at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. There will be no cheerleaders at the game because neither team has cheerleaders. Green Bay defensive back Charles Woodson commented in the locker room about President Obama not wanting to watch the Super Bowl unless Chicago was in it: “He don’t wanna see us? We’ll go see him! 1-2-3 WHITE HOUSE!!”
15:27 – Roughly 9 years after it was created, the Homeland Security Advisory System – the color-coded terrorism threat scale – will be eliminated no later than April. That means the U.S. will no longer describe our daily terrorist threats in terms of Green (low), Blue (guarded), Yellow (elevated), Orange (high) and Red (severe).
22:48 – In some catastrophic news, Marriott International – one of the nation’s leading hotel groups – is taking all XXX adult content off of their in-room menu in all of their new hotel rooms over the next few years.
30:39 – The president of USC sent an e-mail to all USC students this week: “I wish to warn you about a specific danger that has become increasingly prevalent in the city of Los Angeles: Raves. Occasionally they are held close to our campus, often at the Coliseum or Shrine, and they present serious risks to all who attend. Ecstacy is common at raves, and can produce paranoia, panic attacks and hallucinations. I strongly discourage your participation at rave events.”
33:18 – The 2011 Army Social Media Handbook is given out to members of the military and instructs soldiers on how to represent themselves and the Army while online. It says, “Don’t be afraid to have fun by posting interesting links or asking trivia questions.”
42:05 – The code of silence, or the omerta found in the mob, was destroyed last week, as an FBI mob sweep in New York and New Jersey used tips from turncoats and snitches to arrest more than 120 alleged Mafioso. In that group was included Tony Bagels, Meatball, Pooch, Jimmy Gooch, Lumpy, Fat Dennis, Baby Fat Larry, Junior Lollipops, Johnny Bandana and Vinny Car Wash.
53:39 – Travel & Leisure magazine rated the 10 rudest cities (Episode 088, 35:02) in the country: 10) Dallas/Fort Worth, 9) Orlando, 8) Las Vegas, 7) Baltimore, 6) Boston, 5) Washington D.C., 4) Miami, 3) Philadelphia, 2) New York, and 1) Los Angeles.
4:51 – Pope Benedict (no relation to eggs) gave his blessings to his flock to allow them to socially network: “I would like, then, to invite Christians to join the network of relationships, which the digital era has made possible.” This means Seth’s mom can get a Facebook page now.
10:21 – Starbucks has a new smart phone app called The Starbucks Card Mobile. It lets users pay for their coffee with a quick scan of their phone. Essentially the app uploads Starbucks cards cybernetically to create an even easier, pay-as-you-go option. Last year, Starbucks generated only a mere $1.5 billion in Starbucks card sales.
17:24 – Match.com just bought OKCupid. Newsweek featured examples from OKCupid that referred to the question, “What’s the best question to ask on a first date?” Some of the responses: “Do you brush your teeth?” … “Which is more offensive to you – book burning or flag burning?”
25:03 – Justin Bieber has a film coming out Feb. 11 called Never Say Never in 3D. He was wearing a beige bandana in his left rear pocket, and according to the Hanky Code (Episode 221, 17:02) that would make him a rimmer. When he was on Letterman, he had a purple bandana in the left pocket, which makes him a piercer.
46:30 – 33-year-old Nathan Harrington of Massachusetts is the owner of the fantasy football team, The Boston Beatdowns. Although he’s homeless and has no computer, he beat 3.1 million competitors to win ESPN’s 2010 Fantasy Football League. He received a $3,500 gift certificate to Best Buy, which he’s selling to his mother for $2,500.
55:18 – Hertz Rent-a-Car is the world’s largest car rental agency. It’s the last and only major rental company to across the board officially allow smoking in rental cars. You must request a smoking designated car, and if there are none available you are not allowed to smoke in the car you get.
59:11 – Santa Monica Place recently unveiled the first camera-based “find your car” system. Shoppers who have lost track of their vehicle amid a maze of concrete ramps and angled stripes can simply punch their license plate number into a kiosk touchscreen which then displays a photo of the car and its location.
1:11:16 – Jah is surprised that they didn’t talk about Jack LaLanne dying on the show or in civilian time, but Seth says LaLanne’s obit was featured on the ObitUYDaries portion of the UYD website.
3:56 – Computer security company Ivira surveyed nearly 15,000 people and found that 39% of them admitted having cursed or yelled at their computer out loud. Seth says he did this about an hour ago.
6:10 – Seth pulls out a People magazine from this week in February 20 years ago. “Birds and bees are not the only ones doing it. So are Julia and Kiefer, Winona and Johnny, Bruce and Demi, Tom and Nicole, and Harry and Nicolette. Cupid is working overtime in Hollywood these days, slinging arrows at just about everybody and almost always hitting his mark. Veteran Hollywood publicist Warren Cohen says, ‘It’s no longer chic to be living an unmarried free life.’ USA Today celebrity columnist Jeannie Williams says, ‘These are uncertain times with AIDS, the economy and the war. A lot of today’s couples come from a divorced generation, so they want to create a stable life.’ Late last winter, Kiefer Sutherland gave his sweetie Julia Roberts a diamond ring. She has said he bestowed it on her ‘without questions and without response.’ Then, for her 23rd birthday in October, he presented her with a tattoo on her left shoulderblade. It’s a red heart inside of a black Chinese symbol that she has said means ‘strength of heart.’ Beyond that, Roberts, 23, keeps her sensuous lips sealed tight when it comes to discussing her 24-year-old Flatliners co-star – with whom she began co-habitating late last spring. ‘We’re together all the time. We work together, we’re in love with each other. That’s a life; you can’t ask for more.’”
9:29 – 70 percent of states in the United States require telephone companies to make and distribute phone books to all of their landline customers. 5 million trees are pulped and printed into white pages every year.
18:54 – MGM Resorts International released their odds to win next year’s Super Bowl. The Green Bay Packers are 6:1 favorites, the New England Patriots are 6:1 favorites and the Dallas Cowboys are 8:1 favorites.
20:11 – The FDA has approved a software app available for the iPad, iPhone and iPod touch that allows physicians and surgeons to view images and make medical diagnoses off their mobile devices of MRI and CT scans. They have not approved it for X-rays or mammograms. A team of radiologists have approved that under variable lighting conditions, the software offered very clear and crisp images quality enough for diagnostic interpretation.
23:34 – The Catholic church has a new app called “Confession,” making confession easier for your iPhone. It will walk Catholics through the confession process. It is the first known “imprimatur” to be featured in an app.
30:41 – Two former McDonald’s execs and an Oprah Winfrey celebrity chef named Art Smith are starting a restaurant called Life Kitchen in Palo Alto. It’s supposed to be a healthy chain with no cream or high-fructose corn syrup where they bake their fries. Jah thinks there’s a market for that in major metropolitan areas like LA, New York, Denver, Portland, etc.
41:32 – An article in Newsweek talks about newspaper delivery and how it used to be done by paperboys, whereas now it’s done by independent delivery contractors – adults who drive around the routes in pickup trucks.
47:36 – Denny’s is doing a whole new ad campaign, branding what they are. They’re not really a family restaurant anymore, they’re just trying to be an old-school diner. In the commercial, the waiter asks, “Anything else, hon?” The patron asks if she calls everybody that, but then every other patron in the place calls out a pet name she has for them. There are 1,600 Denny’s in the nation. They’re not calling these commercials; they’re calling them “dinersodes.” … “People think of the brand as a diner with great comfort food at a great place. They feel incredible warmth and an incredible connection with their servers.” This is not the first time Denny’s has evoked diners. In the late 1990s it tried to adopt the slogan “America’s Original Breakfast Diner,” and it made their franchisees remodel the restaurants with stainless steel exteriors, chrome interiors, neon lighting and checkerboard tile floors. When many balked at the cost of the renovations, the company suggested a less-expensive option with flourishes such as juke boxes and outfitting all of the servers in bowling shirts.
55:11 – Jamie Masada, owner of The Laugh Factory comedy club in Los Angeles, has a psychologist on hand four nights of the week at the club to offer free therarpy to the stand-up comics.
57:34 – Jah touches on prison guard corruption (Episode 254, 16:58) after Seth hands him an article today. Lawmakers who are struggling to keep cell phones away from California’s most dangerous inmates say a main obstacle is the politically powerful prison guards union – whose members would have to be paid millions of dollars extra to be searched on their way into work. Prison employees, roughly half of whom are unionized guards, are the main source of smuggled phones that inmates use to run drugs and other crimes according to the legislative analysts who examined the problem last year. Unlike visitors, staff can enter the facility without passing through metal detectors. While the union officials’ stated position is that they do not necessarily oppose searches, they cite a work requirement that correction officers be paid for “walk time.” Walk time is the minutes it takes for them to get from the front gate to their actual post behind the prison walls. Putting metal detectors along that route with an airport-like regime involving removal of steel toe boots and equipment-laden belts could double the walk time and thus add several millions of dollars to officers’ collective pay each year. … A couple facts: There were 10,000 cell phones confiscated in 2010; inmates will pay up to $1,000 for a phone; Charles Manson had 2 cell phones confiscated from him last year.
9:34 – When Bill Clinton entered office, there were 50 website available on the internet.
16:01 – The TSA has installed more than 500 scanners in 78 airports in an effort to find concealed weapons and/or contraband. Two senators are currently proposing a bill that would make it a crime to disseminate any of the images from the machine. Their goal is to keep all of the body scan images from leaking and ending up on the internet.
31:53 – Connecticut, Indiana and Georgia are the only 3 states in the U.S. that have an across-the-board ban on Sunday sales of any beer, wine or liquor in their stores or supermarkets.
42:37 – The California Supreme Court ruled that it is illegal for retailers to ask customers for their zip codes during credit card transactions. More than a dozen class action lawsuits have been filed against major chains for this.
49:01 – The 5th annual Rock on the Range Festival will be held May 21-22 at the Columbus Crew stadium in Columbus, Ohio. It’s sponsored by Monster Energy Drink and Jägermeister. On the lineup is Korn, Avenged Sevenfold, Escape the Fate, Staind, Hinder, Rev Theory, POD, Stone Sour, Disturbed, Saving Abel and The Hollywood Undead. There’s also one of these shows slated for Winnipeg, which is fitting considering the number of Canadian bands that will show up.
59:21 – The FDA has approved a new mammogram technology for women. It will allow for the creation of the image in 3D.
1:12:41 – Seth says that when Barack Obama took office, there were only 500 million websites.
6:02 – Some strange laws: Under the law of Mississippi, there is no such thing as a female peeping tom. In California, it is illegal to eat oranges while bathing. In Hartford, Conn., it’s illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.
11:57 – In 2011, there are going to be the most sequels/prequels ever released (27). The sequels: Cars 2, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, The Hangover 2, Happy Feet 2, Hoodwinked 2, Johnny English Reborn, Kung Fu Panda 2, Piranha 3DD, Sherlock Holmes 2. There are 5 of the third version of a movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Momma’s Like Father Like Son, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Paranormal Activity 3, Transformers Dark of the Moon. There are five fourth versions of movies: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Scream 4, Spy Kids 4, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. There are five fifth versions of movies: Fast 5, Final Destination 5, Puss n Boots, X-Men First Class Winnie the Pooh. There are two seventh versions of movies: The Muppets, Rise of the Apes, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.
18:08 – A “petaflop” is the equivalent of 2,507 trillion calculations. IBM supercomputer Mira is a 10 petaflop machine. She is capable of running programs at 10 quadrillion calculations per second. IBM said, “If every man, woman and child in the United States right now performed one calculation each second, it would take them collectively almost a year to to as many calculations as Mira will do in one second.”
28:32 – In 1962, 90% of babies were out of diapers by the age of 2 ½. In 1998, that number dropped to just 22%. Most of that was due to the invention of disposable diapers. As a result of that, there was something called “elimination communication,” or the practice of using timing, signals, cues and maternal intuition to address infants’ need to use the bathroom on their own. An equivalent of potty training a puppy where you figure out that it’s been a certain amount of time and it’s time to encourage the baby to go to the bathroom.
37:27 – Jah talks about the exposome, the master list of toxins encountered by the typical human body over a lifetime, ranging from environmental pollutants, natural byproducts of metabolism, etc. The exposome may be bigger than the genome and almost certainly has a greater influence on overall health. The exposome can be defined as the measure of all the exposures of an individual in a lifetime and how those exposures relate to disease. An individual’s exposure begins before birth and includes insults from the environmental and occupational sources. Understanding how our exposures from our environment, diet, lifestyle, etc., interact with our own unique characteristics like genetics, physiology and epigenetic makeup resulting in disease is how the exposome will be deciphered. Exposonomics is the study of the exposome and relies on other fields such as genomics, medibinomics, lipidomics, transcriptomics, protiomics and uses biomarkers, etc.
40:36 – Rachel Alexandra is the 2009 Horse of the Year. She straight boned down with Curlin – the 2007 and 2008 Horse of the Year – to create a potential superhorse. They met in a breeding shed at Lane’s End Farm near Versailles, Ky., this past Monday, and just laid it down.
59:43 – Smoking on airplanes has been banned since 1987. The U.S. Department of Transportation is now amending FAA regulations to make it very clear that electronic cigarettes will fall under the smoking ban. Several anti-smoking groups, along with the federal government, feel that if passengers see someone smoking an e-cigarette that they may become disoriented or confused and light up an actual cigarette.
19:30 – Google has filed for a patent on a facial recognition technology that uses facial recognition and various social networks to identify you. You can snap a photo of someone walking down the street that you would like to know more about, you upload it and Google will scour all social network sites to determine who it is.
28:15 – The BYU college basketball team was poised to make a run at the NCAA championship during this month’s March Madness. Unfortunately for them, star center Brad Davies was suspended for the remainder of the season for breaking the school’s Honor Code. He had sex with his girlfriend. The Mormon principles that govern the code include no sexual activity, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no caffeine and no swearing. The BYU Honor Code office has a FAQ on its website: “Q: What is the process for obtaining a beard exemption? A: A student who wishes to obtain a beard exception must visit a BYU Student Health Center doctor. The doctor will fax his recommendation. The student then needs to come to the Honor Code office to fill out paperwork and receive the letter. If the letter approves the growth of the beard, a new student ID will be issued after the beard has been fully grown, and then must be renewed every year by repeating the above process.”
40:55 – 100,000 people signed up within the first 24 hours to use a new app called “Breakup Notifier” that e-mails you when someone you are interested in changes their relationship status on Facebook. Facebook banned the app, but it reached 3.6 million people prior to the ban. The maker of that app has also now released “Waiting Room,” an app that allows you to subtly inform someone that you have a crush on them and that other opportunities exist outside the toxic relationship that they’re in. You’re in the waiting room and will be notified 48 hours after that relationship stops. There’s also “Crush Notifier,” which connects people who realize they have crushes on each other.
48:42 – Major League Baseball has begun a contest to give on “lucky” fan his dream job. The winner will move to an apartment in New York City for Opening Day on Thursday, March 31. This apartment will feature several large flat-screen televisions and it will be your job to watch every single game of the 2011 baseball season. You will spend every day eating, sleeping and living baseball. You will share that experience via social media sites, video blogs, webisodes and TV appearances – almost 5,000 baseball games in all.
51:00 – Elijah Dukes (Episode 066, 3:02; Episode 069, 2:17; and Episode 070, 14:22) is back in the news for slapping his pregnant wife. Seth says that if there was ever one tattoo that he would get, it would be “Yo Dog, You Dead Dog,” on his forearm.
1:01:04 – A psychology professor at Northwestern University had an after-lecture optional demonstration for his human sexuality class. About 100 students hung around a campus auditorium and they watched a woman undress on a stage while her male fiancé penetrated her with a machine-powered sex toy, bringing her to climax. JM Marcus said they hadn’t planned at first to fully demonstrate, but had found that they video the class had watched on female orgasms “completely and totally unrealistic.”
1:04:23 – According to Publisher’s Weekly, “everyting new age is newer again.” 2011 will see an influx of books focusing on angels and the divine, including a new book from James Redfield – author of the 1993 megahit “The Celestine Prophecy.” It has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide.
20:58 – Osama Bin Laden turns 54 today. Happy birthday, Osama.
24:00 – The median age for first marriages in 1950 was 20 years old for women and 23 years old for men. In 2009, the median age for women at first marriage was 26 and for men was 29.
32:01 – On Saturday night, April 9, UYD will do a live show extravaganza in Los Angeles at Largo at the Coronet Theater on La Cienega Blvd. by Trashy Lingerie. This will be an extended show – more than an hour long. The theater is bigger and will be able to hold more people than the Broad Theater.
37:53 – Rolling Stone magazine used to be a huge magazine. It’s now a tiny mag. In 1971, the people who graced the covers were the Beach Boys, Muhammad Ali, John Lennon, Bob Dylan, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Jim Morrison and Keith Richards. This month, we have Snooki on the cover.
1:11:53 – Jennifer Aniston listed her Beverly Hills estate for sale. It’s 10,000 square feet with a formal living room, paneled rosewood, a secondary living room, wet bar, 5 bedrooms, 2 kitchens, a gym, a 3-car garage, a swimming pool, spa, ponds, fountains, al fresco living room, etc. Jah guesses that it’s listed for $17 million, but it’s $42 million.
7:54 – When booking an airline trip, passengers face a dizzying number of decisions – economy or business class? Or first class? Pay extra to board early or get in line? Buy a refundable or non-refundable ticket. Book a seat with a personal entertainment system or just read a magazine. Travelers have so many choices that, according to a new survey, some passengers spend more time shopping for the flight than they do actually flying. Almost 20% of travelers spent 5 or more hours shopping and booking flights. According to a survey by a division of technology at IBM Corp, more than 2,000 business and leisure travelers were surveyed. Business travelers were generally more efficient in booking a flight as opposed to leisure travelers, but almost 40% of business travelers still spent at least 2 hours shopping and booking.
36:48 – Research presented at the Human Robot Interaction Conference in Switzerland – how do people respond to being touched by a robot? What we found was that how people perceived the intent of the robot was really important to how they responded to the touch of said robot. Even though the robot touched people in the same way, if people thought the robot was doing it to clean them versus doing it to comfort them, it made a significant difference in the way they responded and whether they found that contact favorable or not. In the study, researchers looked at how people responded when a robotic nurse known as Cody touched and wiped a person’s forearm. Although Cody touched subjects in exactly the same way, they reacted more positively when they believed Cody intended to clean their arm versus when they believed Cody intended to comfort them. These results echo similar studies done with humanoid nurses. “There have been studies of nurses and they’ve looked at how people responded to physical contact,” said Charlie Kemp, assistant professor in the Wallace H. Colter Department of Biomedical Engineering at Georgia Tech and Emory University. “They found that, in general, if people interpreted the touch of a nurse as being instrumental, as being important to the task at hand, then people were OK with it. But if people interpreted the touch as trying to provide comfort, they were not so comfortable with that.”
47:30 – One year ago this month in Playboy magazine, a musical entertainer by the name of John Mayer was interviewed. Playboy asks, “Among the things we’ve read about you – one is that you’re gay. Have you ever kissed a man?” John replies, “The only man I’ve ever kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve. I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time and I remember seeing Perez fleeting about this club and acting as if he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought to myself, I can outgay this guy. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tonguiest kiss I have ever put on anybody. Almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue-kissing him. That’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”
50:55 – One-hundred years ago, the first U.S. edition of the Boy Scout Handbook came out. There were a couple of entries in the 1911 edition. One was about confronting a dog in the wild. “To kill a rabid canine, wrap a handkerchief around your hand to prevent its teeth from entering the flesh and then grasp a club and club it to death.” The current edition, 100 years later, shows you how to protect yourself from cyberbullying. Another OG entry 100 years ago concerned first aid: “Treat gushing wounds by fashioning a tourniquet with a stick and a handkerchief.” 100 years later the current edition tells you to treat these wounds by calling 911.
3:30 – Friday is April Fool’s Day. Seth says be ready to not get duped.
4:34 – A man in Dallas/Fort Worth received the nation’s first full facial transplant. There have been a couple partial facial transplants but never an entire one like this. His face was melted by a power line that he was working on. They were not able to restore his sight, but they think it will be a vast improvement over what was previously there – skin grafts.
8:16 – Aramark food services will be outfitting many U.S. ballparks with the bottom’s-up beer dispensers. It fills the beer from the bottom. A 4-cup station can pour as many as 44 beers per minute. An Aramark spokesman said “It’s another reason for fans to get excited.”
13:45 – 7-11 opened their 40,000th store this week in 16 countries. The CEO of 7-11 said, “We’re opening up a new store every 3 hours.” McDonald’s had 32,737 restaurants worldwide at the end of 2010, and Subway had 33,749.
15:35 – Tommy Hilfiger was asked by ESPN The Magazine to redesign the Dallas Cowboys’ new uniform. He did a terrible job.
24:04 – Jah appropriately reads this as he lights a gross cigarette. 10 cities that have smoking problems, according to The Daily Beast: 10) Las Vegas, Nev.; 9) Grand Rapids, Mich.; 8) Birmingham, Ala.; 7) Oklahoma City, Okla.; 6) St. Louis; 5) Louisville, Ky.; 4) Indianapolis, Ind.; 3) Memphis, Tenn.; 2) Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, Pa.; and 1) Tulsa, Okla. In Tulsa, nearly one-quarter of the city’s population are smokers, and they go through 16 cigarettes a day on average.
38:19 – There’s a musical called Rock of Ages, which is about Hollywood in the 80s. It has the music of Styx, Journey, Bon Jovi, Twisted Sister, Poison and Asia. It debuted in LA in 2006. There’s a character named Stacey Jaxx, a callous arrogant rock star who doesn’t care about his fans. The role was originated by Chris Hardwick in the original production, the host of Web Soup. He will be played by Tom Cruise in the movie.
44:14 – The University of Southern California’s chapter of Kappa Sigma is facing an investigation after a very offensive e-mail addressed to the members was made public. The letter was designed to be the first in a weekly series called “The Gullet Report,” which aimed to “strengthen brotherhood and help pinpoint sororstitutes more inclined to put out.”
52:30 – Some scholars say early versions of the Bible featured Asharah, a powerful fertility goddess who may have been God’s wife.
12:38 – The top 5 reasons why men and women cried at work, from Time Magazine: 5) Men: I got a negative performance review. Women: I was unfairly blamed or criticized for something; 4) Women: My child/partner/parent/sibling was sick. Men: Someone I work with had a family crisis; 3) Women: Someone yelled or snapped at me. Men: I was unfairly blamed or criticized for something; 2) Women: I was overwhelmed and cried in order to cope. Men: A customer or client was rude; and 1) Women: Stress from home spilled over into work. Men: Stress from home spilled over into work.
15:34 – An article in The New York Times about the Department of Housing and Real Estate mentioned illegal words/phrases you can’t use in the realty classifieds game – no chicanos, not for handicapped, fisherman’s retreat (a euphemism for gay boys).
26:57 – The Red Sox added a bottom’s up valve at Fenway Park (Episode 264, 8:16). Now they want to take liquor that’s only sold at upper-level premium seats and distribute it to the masses.
32:20 – The latest version of the Oxford English Dictionary includes the noun “la la land.” It can refer to either Los Angeles, or to a state of being out of touch with reality. It can also at times refer to both simultaneously.
33:16 – Massage parlors are having their medical marijuana renaissance where they’re everywhere.
38:36 – In real estate news, Mischa Barton (25 years old) of the no-longer-running TV series The O.C. was also on a show called The Beautfiul Life on the CW that got canceled in 2009 after 2 episodes. Last year she did one episode of Law & Order: SVU. She also went out with Cisco Adler for a short period of time. (Episode 076, 47:22). She’s selling her house in the Beverly Hills Post Office area. There’s a main house, 3 guest houses, 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, 6 fireplaces, 9,800 square feet, 1.2 acres including a swimming pool and a spa. She’s selling this house for $8.7 million.
50:48 – Head lice is out of control with kids. A woman has a salon called the LKY Salon (Lice Knowing You!) near Seattle. They want to call them lice removal technicians.
1:59 – Seth says happy birthday to Hugh Hefner, who turns 85. He will wed his girlfriend Crystal Harris this summer. She has a birthday at the end of the month – she will be 25.
7:09 – Arthur came out this weekend starring Russell Brand. It garnered very low aggregate scores from almost all critics – all but Ben Lyons of E! Entertainment Television, who called the movie “Brilliant.”
8:48 – Officials at a San Fernando-based clinic that caters to the porn industry is investigating allegations that private patient information was leaked on a website called PornWikiLeaks.com. They posted birth dates, real names and stage names of more than 12,000 performers – both former and current.
24:15 – Invasivores are people who only eat invading species of plants and animals, like the lionfish or edible weeds and plants that overtake certain crops. This can include eating species of animals in overabundance like pigeons and squirrels.
30:40 – An article in Slate magazine tells about women taking home pregnancy tests but filming themselves taking them and uploading them to YouTube – called “WombTube” videos.
33:20 – A pilot had to make an emergency landing at Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans. While talking to the air traffic controller he says “32,400 pounds of fuel. We have 106 souls on board.”
34:18 – Jah reminds everyone that tax day has been extended from April 15 to midnight on Monday, April 18 because of Emancipation Day.
34:47 – Seth thanks everyone for choosing his party over the White Party that was going on in Palm Springs.
1:07:47 – Right now is a renaissance for hand modeling (Episode 078, 24:33). The reason is because there are so many more electronic devices being released on a regular basis – there has never been a bigger need for perfect hands.
1:08:38 – Maine has become the first state in the country to allow people with one arm to carry a switchblade. The legalization would eliminate the need for one-armed people to have to open knives with their teeth in emergencies.
4:35 – Students allegedly received lap dances from strippers in an ethics class at a Philadelphia university. The Inquirer newspaper reported on Tuesday La Salle University professor Jack Rappaport, who teaches business studies, was suspended after he reportedly organized strippers to attend a class on “the application of platonic and Hegelian ethics to business,” the newspaper said. About 30 students paid $150 each to attend the March 21 extra-credit class, which also was attended by strippers dressed in bikinis and miniskirts, according to two students who wish to remain anyonymous. Rappaport and students were given lap dances during the class, according to some students. Other students said that while there were scantily clad women at the lecture, no dancing actually occurred. Rappaport, who’s 57, has been teaching at La Salle University since 1979 and was well-known among students. According to comments posted on Ratemyprofessors.com, “Extremely strange man. Loves gambling, horse racing and strip joints. Talks about all of the above all the time.”
9:31 – An article in the Los Angeles Times profiled a group of women who go shopping with older black ladies to teach them about nutrition and healthier food options. One of the women was quoted as saying “I always thought artichokes were an uppity vegetable.” Seth agrees with this sentiment.
16:47 – The president of the American Atheists Association says that 675 people have already registered for the annual convention this week in Des Moines, Iowa. That would more than double the attendance of last year’s Newark, N.J., convention, and would also beat the record of 550 that was set in Atlanta, Ga.
28:08 – The LA Times Travel section features a piece on the bag fee dodger. “On a recent American Airlines flight, we were appalled that some people tried to board with oversized baggage which the airline then sent through like the rest of the checked baggage. They paid nothing for this while we paid $50 for our two pieces of luggage each way. The airline should make these people step aside while everyone else boards and make them pay accordingly. Do we complain to the Federal Aviation Administration or other governmental agencies to correct this?”
38:14 – He called himself the “supreme commander.” From a storefront in Temple City, Calif., decorated to look like a military recruitment center, David Deng raised an army of more than 100 Chinese nationals and claimed they were members of an elite U.S. special forces unit. Together they marched in local Chinese New Year parades. They even received a special military tour in uniform at the U.S.S. Midway Museum in San Diego. Chinese language newspapers even ran photos of the troops with prominent community leaders. But prosecutors this week charged that Deng’s U.S. Army/military special forces reserve was actually a huge immigration scam that preyed on Chinese immigrants in the San Gabriel Valley desperate to become U.S. citizens. Authorities alleged that Deng charged members up to $500 to join plus an annual $120 renewal fee. He told them joining the group would increase their chances of becoming U.S. citizens. The more money they donated to the organization, he allegedly told them, the better chances of becoming citizens. They were typically low-wage workers toiling away at Chinese restaurants. Most were from the LA area but some were as far away as Georgia. They were provided with fake documents and military IDs as well as phony uniforms, apparently purchased at a military surplus store. FBI spokesman said the investigation about 3 years ago when local police began noticing that some people pulled over during traffic stops produced fake military IDs but with full confidence. Last year one Chinese language newspaper reported that at Alhambra taxi driver was arrested near Los Angeles International Airport after he produced counterfeit military identification while trying to get out of a traffic stop. He told investigators that he used this to avoid getting traffic tickets and he also tried to get military beneifts and discounts. Some of the recruits were so convinced that they were part of the U.S. military that they actually visited real recruiting centers and tried to pay their monthly fees there.
44:52 – Angered by repeated releases of secretly filmed videos claiming to show the mistreatment of farm animals, Iowa’s agriculture industry is pushing legislation that would make it illegal for animal rights activists to produce and distribute such images.
47:18 – EA Sports will release Madden ‘12, which will feature a to-be-determined player on its cover, in August. The new version will sideline any player who suffers an in-game concussion for the rest of the game.
48:58 – Some gymnasiums have started a new policy to keep their new members on track. You pledge to work out a certain number of days a week, and if you don’t show up they charge your debit card.
50:43 – There are 3 new websites that allow you to post every single website that you visit every single day. One of them, VoyURL, uses the slogan “It’s OK to look.” Another is Site Simon, “What are you looking at?” and Discover.me – “discover a whole new web.” There are certain people whom Jah would like to track their online browsing history.
8:59 – Summer school has been cut in LA because of funding. Then Seth looked up the film Summer School, which was released July 22, 1987, starring Mark Harmon. The poster is Harmon wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a lei on and sunglasses in his hand. His dog is next to him with a lei and sunglasses on his face. It says “At Oceanfront High, what do they call a guy who cuts classes, hates homework and lives for summer vacation? Teacher.”
12:17 – Consumers filed 1.1 million complaints against North American businesses with the Better Business Bureau in 2010 – a 10% increase from 2009. The BBB said in a new release that cable and satellite television companies were the target of most of the complaints, as well as cell phone companies and new car dealers.
19:28 – According to a recent poll asking people if they thought the internet was a “good thing,” 84% of respondents answered “Yes.” Sixteen percent said, “Not really, we were doing just fine without it.”
26:01 – Rob Lowe wrote a memoir called “Stories I Only Tell My Friends.” One of the anecdotes was about Darryl Hanna: “I am deeply infatuated with her. But she informs me that she is a virgin and she is saving herself for Jackson Browne, whom she has never met. I swallow my disappointment, tell her she’s chosen well and wish her God speed.” Darryl Hanna then eventually dates Jackson Browne at age 23. Seth thinks it might be possible that she lost her V-card to JB.
30:20 – Several articles in the March supplement of the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology have shown that antibiotic ointments do not aid in healing or reduce the risk of infection, but they do raise the risk of antibiotic resistance.
33:26 – Medicine apparently doesn’t work properly in space. Drugs crucial for treating everything from a mild headache to serious infection seemingly don’t work properly in the radically different environment away from earth. Radiation might also be part of the problem. On earth, medicine can generally remain effective for about two years as long as it is stored correctly. Proper storage generally involves keeping it away from direct sunglight and in a cool, dry space, but there are plenty of conditions we have taken for granted on Earth that are nothing like those we find in outer space – where radiation, excessive vibrations, microgravity and carbon dioxide-rich environments and variations in humidity and temperature are all potential issues.
42:07 – The United States Postal Service changed the price of postcard stamps from 28 cents to 29 cents on Monday.
45:08 – The soaring fuel prices have drivers running on empty, which Jah can attest to because he’s been dead broke. The Automobile Club of Southern California said that nearly 16,000 members a month are making one of those mildly embarrassing “I’m stranded and I need gasoline” calls. That is up 13% from last year. The pace represents the biggest jump since California motorists were paying a record average of $4.61 a gallon for regular gasoline in July of 2008. “It’s happening again to a lot of people,” Automobile Club spokesperson Jeff Spring said. “Our presumption is that these current high gasoline prices have a lot to do with it.” California’s average Friday was $4.19 a gallon, according to the AAA. Only Hawaii has more expensive gas than California, with an average of $4.46 a gallon. The U.S. average was $3.81. Jah wants Seth to explain why gas is so much more in California.
55:49 – If they do play NFL football this year, they released the schedule. On the 10-year anniversary of the attacks on 9/11, on Sunday night on NBC, the first week of the season, the Dallas Cowboys will travel to New York City to play the Jets.
3:26 – Seth takes us back 5 years to May of 2006. People magazine gives us “The Private World of Katie Holmes” which provides an anecdote of Katie and Suri on the tarmac with Cruise.
16:33 – A Newport Beach fitness photographer in his late 30s carried on a months-long sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl after promising to jump start her modeling career. Aiding him in this relationship, prosecutors said, was the photographer’s fiancée – who allegedly gained the trust of the girl’s mother before delivering the teenager to photographer Jason James Ellis so they could spend time alone together. Nearly 3 years later, as the statutory rape trial draws near, the case has taken a bizarre turn – with Ellis marrying his alleged victim 3 months after she turned 18. The alleged victim has declined to help the prosecution.
25:47 – On NPR, the founder of Panda Express is considering taking the Chinese fast-food chain to China.
36:05 – It’s May 2011 and Seth decides to take us back to May 2010. This is about Spencer Pratt in the Portland Mercury newspaper. “Can you talk more about crystals?” Spencer Pratt: “Once I found out that like all of our like coolest fighter jets and all the aircraft carriers’ radar and all the spaceships. Once I found out that NASA and everybody was using crystals in their computer systems to generate more power, and then when I realized that my LCD TV is liquid crystal definition, and then when I realized that my gold Rolex has a crystal running it, and that my iPad is just a crystal with like crystalline silicone chips – I realized that everything I do, everything that I love, everything has to do with crystals. Energy, like they totally give you energy, it’s science. They have pietzo electricity frequencies and they can track all this stuff with microscopes. I mean, yeah.” … “Tell me more about your spirituality?” Pratt: “I’m more like The Matrix style. I feel like we’re all connected, like The One. I would stay that instead of Christianity, I’m a crystal, you feel me?”
47:27 – A former quantitative analyst has received a $2 million grant from Google to help him open the only museum in the United States dedicated solely to mathematics. The Museum of Mathematics, or MoMath, is scheduled to open in NYC in 2012.
49:17 – According to a recent annual survey conducted by the travel website Trip Advisor, 51% of travelers said they are “comfortable” with the new Transportation Security Administration’s safety and security procedures.
55:35 – According to a fast food retail analyst, the introduction of dollar menus mixed with the effects of the recession and the end of super sizing have taken an enormous toll on French fry consumption. Numbers are the lowest they’ve been in a decade. A new trend in the fry game may be sweet potato fries – but J-dawg disagrees because they’re tougher on digestion.
1:00:53 – Lyralisa Stevens, who was born male but lives as a female, is serving 50 years to life in a California prison for killing a San Bernadino County woman with a shotgun in a dispute over clothes. Stevens is one of more than 300 inimates in the state prison systems diagnosed with gender identity disorder, a psychiatric condition addressed in free society with hormone replacement therapy – in some cases, sex reassignment surgery. Prison officials have provided female hormones for Stevens since her incarceration in 2003, but now she is asking the First District Court of Appeal in San Francisco to require the state to pay for a sex change operation. Stevens, 42, and her expert witnesses say that surgery is medically necessary and the removal of her penis and testicles and the transfer to a women’s prison are the best way to protect her from rape and sexual abuse from male inmates.
1:05:57 – Sacramento voted to disband the city of Vernon due to corruption.
3:48 – Just when it can’t get any worse for Californians with the tanning tax, California is now introducing a bill that would make it the first state in the U.S. to ban anyone under the age of 18 to use tanning beds at all.
5:19 – Seth thought that when we got Osama, things are going to change for the better – but seemingly not. Seth says that UYD was a part of the bin Laden capture, and was on a hunt for him throughout the 5 years of this show. Seth thinks SEAL Team 6 should be Team 8, including two honorary members of UYD nation.
16:55 – Some gems from among the Social Security Administration’s top baby names for 2010 – Girls: 7) Destiny, 708) Destinee, 94) Valeria, 422) Journey, 931) Journee, 437) Helen, 869), Belen, 479) Dayana, 813) Chanel, 814) Armani. Boy: 28) Jonathan, 278) Amir, 165) Seth, 101) Bentley, 668) Bently, 842) Bentlee, 201) Cash, 602) Kash, 368) Larry, 377) Walter, 478) Cason, 481) Kason, 589) Kale, 643) Sincere, 731) Maxim, 755) Gauge, 882) Gaige, 786) Steve, 811) Ean, 848) Blaze, 957) Blaise, 854) Krish.
32:01 – Illinois was sued by deaf inmates. A deaf prisoner punished when he couldn’t explain that he didn’t steal food was among 11 inmates who filed a lawsuit claiming that Illinois violates their civil rights by denying them help that they need to communicate. The lawsuit claims that deaf and partially deaf prisoners have limited access to sign language interpreters, which essentially excludes them from training programs, religious services, etc. They often can’t discuss medical care with doctors and have missed meals and visitors because they can’t hear many of the announcements – according to the complaint, filed in federal court.
37:35 – Websites that track fuel costs have drivers in Hawaii tipping the scales at $6.03 a gallon.
40:16 – The League of American Bicyclists have deemed May National Bike Month. Monday, May 16 – Friday, May 20 is national Bike to Work Week, and Friday, May 20 is National Bike to Work Day.
54:24 – Guy Fieri has a new cookbook out, called Cookin’ It, Livin’ It, Lovin’ It
1:04:17 – The Hard Rock Vegas – Reload on Friday, Revel on Saturday, Rehab on Sunday, Relax on Monday.
4:11 – The end is nigh. Saturday, May 21, according to Family Radio, the jig is up.
6:22 – Google has now introduced Google Places – a feature that builds upon its mapping services by letting users see inside businesses. The service will be available this week in the U.S. and Japan. The feature will let owners showcase a 360-degree view of their shops. “It takes our imagery inside the business with the business owner’s permission,” vice president of product management, Marissa Mayer, said. Google, competing with sites like Yelp!, is catering to local businesses in a bid to increase advertising opportunities. They also announced a marketing program last month that offers discounts from local firms, putting it in competition with Groupon.
9:16 – A text message warning system is going to be implemented. Obama, who has been called the texter in chief, will soon have the ability to send any cell phone in the U.S. warning of impending danger from a tornado or a terrorist under a new emergency alert system called PLAN. The new system is an expansion of the Federal Communications Commission’s Emergency Alert System, which is currently broadcast over radio and television. Short for Personal Localized Alerting Network, the system will first debut in NYC by 2011, with the rest of the U.S. to follow about mid-2012, the FCC said in a statement. The text message warnings will be able to be sent to phones and other mobile devices based on their geographic locations across different mobile carriers. Officials said only 3 types of alerts will be sent on PLAN – messages issued by the President, alerts involving imminent threats to safety and also Amber Alerts.
15:29 – About 7.5 million active Facebook users are skirting the company’s age policy by lying about their age and saying they are 13 years or older. Among those pre-teens, more than 5 million are under the age of 10, according to a Consumer Reports survey. This violates Facebook’s own policy that’s meant to avoid federal regulations that apply to websites with young members. Those regulations require people who sign up to be at least 13, the report says. The minors’ accounts were largely unsupervised by their parents, exposing them to malware and other more serious threats such as predators or bullies. “Despite Facebook’s age requirements, many kids are using the site who shouldn’t be,” Consumer Reports technology editor Jeff Fox said. “What’s even more troubling was the finding from our survey that indicates that the majority of parents of kids 10 and under seemed largely unconcerned by their children’s use of the site.
19:06 – A team of burglars has been roaming the streets of downtown Los Angeles searching for aging, vacant buildings they can strip bare. Over the last year, at least 4 buildings have been stripped clear of copper wiring and other metals during brazen heists that often take days to complete. Police estimate that each job is yielding more than $1 million in metals. Detectives say they caught an alleged member of a team at the old Garfield building at 8th and Hill streets. Police swarmed the building after being alerted by some construction workers nearby who noticed wet footprints and heard voices. SWAT officers and police dogs crept through the 1928 art deco tower in complete darkness dodging pipe boobytraps that the burglars had set up to kill them. They arrested a suspect hiding in a corner on the seventh floor. Police believe he and others spend days ripping out newly installed copper wiring from walls, stripping transformers of wire and stealing pipe and sprinkler heads from the 13-story structure. They found the burglars had apparently lowered a massive transformer from an upper floor to the basement by using old fire hoses abandoned in the buildings. The burglars at the Garfield went to elaborate lengths, sometimes tapping into the power supply to run lights and heavy tools to spend days at a time in the building. Most of the metal was sold at recyclers in Southern California and within days was bound for countries such as China and India, whose rapidly growing economies have enormous demand and need for such metals.
21:33 – A University of Texas law professor combed through legal databases to identify song lyrics in both court filings and scholarly legal publications to find out who the top 10 most referenced musical artists are within the legal world: 10) REM, 9) Joni Mitchell, 8) Simon & Garfunkel, 7) The Grateful Dead, 6) The Rolling Stones, 5) Woody Guthrie, 4) Paul Simon, 3) Bruce Springsteen, 2) The Beatles, and 1) Bob Dylan.
31:38 – Avon Books announced they had set up a digital romance imprint called Avon Impulse. This is where books by new and established authors in the romance genre will be able to be released electronically. The imprint begins with an e-novealla called “A Ladie’s Wish,” and multiple titles will be planned in the future. The digital market has been especially strong for romance fiction, because fans can read e-editions in public without fear of embarrassment.
33:28 – May is Masturbation Month
12:33 – According to a new survey in Newsweek, the percentage of U.S. college students who are moving back home after graduation is 85%.
14:31 – Jah didn’t know Manute Bol was dead. Seth was afraid to tell J-dawg that he died from Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. He warns everyone not to Google image search that.
19:53 – The world’s current population is nearly 7 billion. A United Nations report says that by the year 2050, the number will have swollen to 9.3 billion.
26:27 – A Steppenwolf Planet is a rogue planet that has been ejected from its planetary system. These lone wolf planets wander interstellar space and have the ability and possibility to contain oceans of water trapped under ice that would enable these galaxy-hopping beings to contain alien life forms for billions of years.
42:57 – May is National Youth Traffic Safety Month
47:35 – A growing movement among health care professionals advocates giving women nitris oxide while they give birth. So far, only 3 medical centers in the country offer the gas.
5:59 – 48 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute. There are 3 billion views each day.
34:43 – Harold Camping of Family Radio reports that there was a misunderstanding. A key biblical passage was misinterpreted, and the new Rapture date is October 21, 2011.
36:46 – Seth lets us know about the hottest pool parties in Vegas – Encore Beach Club at the Wynn, Wet Republic at MGM Grand, Liquid at Aria, Tao Beach at The Venetian, Venus Pool Club at Caesar’s, Moria Beach at Mandalay Bay, Bare at The Mirage, Ditch Fridays at The Palms, Marquee Dayclub at The Cosmopolitan or Nikki Beach The Tropicana.
39:24 – There’s a hippie music festival in Chillicothe, Ill., called the 11th Annual Summer Campu Music Festival. On the docket is Widespread Panic, Umphrey’s McGee and moe.
41:57 – The American Psychiatric Association met in Honolulu this past week. They were there for the professional society’s annual meeting. Among the myriad proposals now on the table is the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) – which began as a guidebook for the U.S. Armed Forces in 1952. They’re doing their first revision in almost 20 years. They’re discussing reducing the number of specific personality disorders. Right now they have 10 and might want to reduce down to 5 – which would eliminate the diagnosis of narcissistic disorder.
58:40 – Fraudulent use of disabled parking placards has exploded in California. 1 in 10 California drivers are legally registered to carry handicap tags.
1:02:33 – In Mandarin and Cantonese, the word for the number 4 sounds like the word for “death.” They’re having this enormous problem where there are thousands of houses that cannot be bought or put up for sale b/c they’re so superstitious about places bearing a 4 in the address. If there are two 4s in it, not a chance it will sell. One property is worth $1.4 million. If the address stays the same, it will lose $400,000. The number 8 sounds like the word for “prosper,” so those houses are flying. Supporters say that changing building numbers isn’t such an unusual thing and they should be allowed to lobby the city and be more accommodating. After all, Ronald Reagan took up residence at 666 St. Cloud Road in Bel-Air, but they changed the address to 668 to avoid the number of the beast.
1:07:23 – Computer errors prompted California prison officials to mistakenly release an estimated 450 inmates with a “high risk for violence” as unsupervised parolees in a program meant to ease overcrowding, according to the state’s inspector general. More than 1,000 additional prisoners presenting a high risk of committing drug crimes, property crimes and other offenses were also let out, officials said. No attempt was made to return any of the offenders to state lockups or place them on supervised parole, said inspector general spokeswoman Renee Hanson. All of the prisoners were placed on non-revokable parole. Participants are not required to report to parole officers and can be sent back to prison only if caught committing another crime. The program was started in January 2010 for inmates judged to be very low-risk of re-offending, leaving parole agents free to focus on high-risk parolees. The revelations come two days after the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that California’s prisons are dangerously overcrowded and upheld an earlier order that state officials find a way to reduce the 143,335 inmate population by roughly 33,000. The state has two years to comply. Currently, many California prisoners are living on basketball courts – 200 prisoners to a gym. They have 1 toilet for every 54 prisoners and there is around 1 suicide a week.
1:09:46 – The PCLR test is a psychological evaluation test created by Canadian psychiatrists and it’s widely used to determine if you’re a psychopath. They use it to determine whether prisoners are eligible for parole, but it’s a 50-question test – there are freak occurrences where it doesn’t seem to make sense, like the person on paper isn’t who they are in real life. No politician is willing to let any prisoners out who have a bad score because it’s a kiss of death.
1:18:10 – Bill Clinton isn’t dead, but he’s going vegan.
13:50 – The Tonys are this weekend in New York City, and Jonathan’s father could win one. The Emmys are Sept. 18. In the Best Variety Comedy Series, there’s The Daily Show, which won 2003-2010, but Seth thinks maybe this is the year The Colbert Report could usurp it since it’s actually better. The all-time biggest Emmy loser is Bill Maher, with over 26 nominations and no wins.
21:53 – State lawmakers in Tennessee have passed a groundbreaking measure that would make it a crime to use a friend’s login information – even with permission – to listen to songs and/or watch movies from services such as Netflix or Rhapsody. The bill, now awaiting the governor’s signature, was pushed by recording industry officials to stop the loss of billions of dollars of revenue to illegal music sharing. They hope other states will follow. The legislation was aimed at hackers and thieves who sell passwords in bulk, but sponsors acknowledge that it could be employed against people who use a friend’s or relative’s subscription.
24:38 – June is National LGBT Pride Month. Seth wonders how many tank tops that Jah owns he could pull out of his closet right now for Pride Month. Jah says 6.
25:52 – The Department of Homeland Security has a facility somewhere in the northeast where they’re developing a program called FAST – future attribute screening technology. It’s basically pre-crime detection gauging the ability to sense people who intend to commit a crime. It merges all our deepest, darkest fears with behavioral science. It monitors people’s heart and respiratory rates. It has an eye tracker for pupil position and gaze of eyes. Thermal recognition to recognize the pitch and changes in voice, etc.
29:45 – Seth read an article in the LA Times called “Where Did The McStays Go?” about a mother, father and two young sons who got into their Isuzu Trooper on Feb. 4, 2010, and haven’t been seen or heard from since.
34:33 – The North Korean Index on Global Happiness ranked the world’s happiest countries from 1 to 203. No. 5 was Venezuela, No. 4 was Iran, No. 3 was Cuba, No. 2 was North Korea and No. 1 was China. Finishing dead-last in the 203 slot was The United States of America.
36:10 – “Breastaurants,” previously mentioned on UYD (Episode 152, 15:52), profiled Twin Peaks and Bone Daddy’s. A new article on them mentions Tilted Kilt, a Celtic-themed sports bar where the girls are in plaid miniskirts. There’s also Knockers, Melons, Mugs n Jugs, Cheerleaders, Bleachers, Zoomers and Fraternity House.
40:15 – Sammy Hagar has a restaurant/bar called Cabo Wabo, and has the “I Can’t Drive 55 Nachos Challenge,” which is 8 pounds of chips, cheese and fixings. If you can finish the plate solo, it’s on the house.
41:23 – The US Department of Justice holds a mock prison riot at a retired gothic-style West Virginia state penitentiary in Moundsville, W.Va. It was in operation from 1876-1995. They house an annual training and technology conference. It’s a 4-day tactical and technological experience. It includes training scenarios, tech demonstrations, law enforcement and correctional officer networking. Touch, see and deploy new weaponry.
46:52 – Ellen Degeneres listed her Beverly Hills estate for sale. It’s a 4-structure compound. It was formed starting in 2007. It’s 15,000 square feet of interior space including a 9,200-square-foot main house, two guest houses, an additional two-bedroom house that can be used as an office, etc. It’s listed at $49 million.
50:15 – Total U.S. Summer camps – 12,000. 7,000 are residential and 5,000 are day camps. 10 million kids will attend this summer. 1.5 million adults will attend.
55:45 – High-walled cubicles are quickly becoming a relic in the modern workplace. You don’t want to cordon yourself off from the rest of the office. You want executives to be able to move in and out of the office and sit with the workers.
1:04:52 – Jah reads an article from the LA Times: “The reasoning seemed disarmingly simple: In a time of fiscal crisis and over-crowded prisons, why should California spend hundreds of millions of dollars retaining prisoners so sick, aged, paralyzed or otherwise infirm that they are no longer a threat to the public? And so the Legislature passed a bill to permit medical paroles as both a humanitarian gesture and a way to save money for the state. But theory has collided with the reality that prosecutors will fight vigorously to keep even incapacitated prisoners behind bars, that the parole board can be a highly skeptical body and that some prisoners committed heinously brutal acts before they fell victim to the medical problems that rendered them “safe.” Last week, the first prisoner to seek a medical parole was quickly and profoundly rejected by the board: Steven Martinez, now 42, convicted of kidnapping, beating and raping a San Diego woman in 1998. A repeat violent offender, he was sentenced to 150 years. A knife attack in prison in 2001 severed Martinez's spinal cord, leaving him a quadriplegic. His medical expenses cost the state more than $600,000 a year. When he was in a medical facility outside the prison, the cost of round-the-clock guards exceeded $800,000 a year. His family — his father is a retired firefighter, his mother a former business executive — is ready to take him home and provide care. But San Diego County Dist. Atty. Bonnie Dumanis wants Martinez to remain in prison, although she said she does not disagree with the law and might support other prisoners seeking release. The parole board, without allowing Martinez to attend the hearing, agreed that he is still a threat. If paroled, the board said, he could possibly use his vocal cords, which are not paralyzed, to order crimes, maybe attacks on state employees. “In the end, fear won out over reason,” said Ken Karan, a Carlsbad attorney who represents Martinez.
4:49 – An article on CNN talked about biblical passages that people use all the time that don’t actually appear in the Bible, or “phantom scripture.” These include, “this too shall pass,” “God helps those who help themselves,” “spare the rod, spoil the child,” “God works in mysterious ways,” “cleanliness is next to godliness,” etc.
5:55 – Blink-182 is touring this summer. Their tour schedule includes the Hollywood Bowl and other big venues.
13:41 – Betty Taylor, 91, and Wally Boag, 90, were both personally hired by Walt Disney. Betty was hired in 1956 and Wally was hired in 1955 to star in the Frontier Land attraction, Disney Land’s Golden Horseshoe Review. Betty played the singing saloon hostess Slue Foot Sue and she was the on-stage sweetheart of Boag’s Pecos Bill. They performed the show more than 40,000 times. Boag died this past Friday in a nursing home in Santa Monica. Taylor died the next day at a nursing home in Washington State.
16:45 – The month of June is Ride A Cat to Work Month. Just kidding, it’s National Adopt A Cat Month.
18:33 – The Better Business Bureau is urging consumers to be very careful when dealing with door-to-door magazine grifters. The BBB received more than 600 complaints in the first five months of 2011 about magazine sales – most from people saying the mags never arrived or that they were tricked into ordering more subscriptions than intended.
22:43 – Bands have turned to something that was once relegated to the back of the auditorium next to the beer and hot dogs – merchandise. Not just t-shirts, these days band merch includes a host of sometimes bizarre items, including dolls, tooth brushes, pinball machines, sunglasses, etc.
25:28 – There was a minor league baseball game last Friday night in Alabama between the Huntsville Stars (a Milwaukee Brewers affiliate) and the Tennessee Smokies (a Chicago Cubs affiliate). Two promotions took place on the same night to bring fans into the ballpark. The first promotion was Pleasures Lady Night Fridays. The other promotion was for an Alabama Girl Scouts sleepover at the stadium following the game.
28:22 – Married couples have dropped below half of American households for the first time. The Census Bureau says it’s a milestone in the evolution of the American family toward less traditional forms. Married couples represented just 48% of American households in 2010, according to data being made public Thursday and analyzed by the Brookings Institution. This was slightly less than in 2000 but far below the 78% of households occupied by married households in 1950. What is more, just a fifth of households were traditional families – married couples with children, down from about a quarter a decade ago and from 43% percent in 1950.
36:05 – Shoppers can now check out their own behinds in the dressing rooms of two locations of American Rags. There’s a camera that projects an image on the fitting room mirrors so you can see how your tush looks in those jeans.
39:09 – Jockey Michael Baze, only 24 years old, was found dead in his car near the horse stables at the Kentucky Derby in Louisville last month. He had an upcoming court date for a cocaine possession charge. In the autopsy they found cocaine and oxycontin in his blood.
54:14 – If you’ve had a laptop computer lost or damaged during security screening at LAX, you are not alone. Laptops are the item most often listed as lost or damaged in claim reports filed against the TSA at LAX, according to analysis of TSA records. In a 3-year period, passengers at LAX filed 1,702 claims – second only to NYC’s JFK Airport, with 2,277 claims.
19:54 – The Supreme Court has ruled 6-3 that fleeing from the police in a vehicle can trigger a mandatory 15-year term in federal prison if it is a criminal’s third strike.
34:11 – The month of June is National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month.
40:47 – The Disney Company, as a part of their efforts to capture future Disney enthusiasts while they’re still in the cradle, will open its first baby store next year at the Americana Mall in Glendale, Calif. Disney consumer products chairman Andy Mooney said the company plans to open two such stores – one on each coast – to display the best of its new infant line.
43:43 – With no end to high gas prices in sight, the Better Business Bureau has warned consumers not to fall for tempting products and schemes said to help save money at the pump. Most of them are simply too good to be true. When it comes to the products that you can attach to your car or add to your fuel, be very skeptical of their performance. Over the past decade, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency has tested more than 100 gas-saving devices and has not identified any that significantly improved gas milage. In fact, they’ve determined that some of them could eventually cause engine damage. Some products might make a slight difference but claims of drastic improvement in your fuel economy are red flags of a ripoff. Also beware of anyone claiming their product has been “approved by the federal government.” The marketing of supposed miraculous gas gadgets has occurred during every gas crisis period since the mid-1970s but in more recent years we’ve been seeing problems with gas prizes and gas clubs.
47:04 – The Oak Hall Cap and Gown Company in Salem, Va., created the “Green Weaver line,” caps and gowns made entirely of recycled plastic bottles. Cal Tech’s most recent graduating class all sported them. Jostens offers a wood-based fiber gown that can be broken down organically into the soil.
57:21 – In corporate slaughter news, Subway is testing an upscale café concept known as Subway Café. Originally launched in Alexandria, Va., by a franchisee, the test now has about 15 locations with plans to add about 10 more by year’s end. The cafes are designed to give off a more comfy feel with brick or wood-paneled walls and even the occasional fireplace.
7:27 – Stuffed animals, teen magazines and children’s underwear were found in a LA-area motel that was home to dozens of convicted child molesters and registered sex offenders. Eight people were taken into custody in the Friday raid for alleged parole violations, including possession of child pornography and/or narcotics. Most of those arrested were middle-aged men, whose previous offenses included lewd and lascivious conduct with children or other sex crimes, said Det. Patricia Batts of the LAPD. The Harbor Inn on the 700 block of Flint Ave. is a hub for sex offenders because it has a history of being a state-funded weigh station for newly released prisoners.
9:37 – An elementary school teacher was charged with filming child porn videos, but he was digitally modifying the porn so it showed former students of his.
12:51 – Britney Spears released the video for her new single, “I Wanna Go.” In it she stands upon a yellow taxi and fights off cyborg zombie popparazzi. She’s standing in front of a movie theater, and the marquee reads “CROSSROADS 2: CROSS HARDER.” Seth doesn’t believe he got the memo on that filming schedule.
28:16 – July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month – the 10th anniversary. It’s founded by Jacqueline Whitmore, an etiquette expert.
49:15 – According to Lifehacker.com, the best day to hit the supermarket is Wednesday. Hump days are the days that supermarkets tend to reduce prices in the middle of the week on items that are expiring soon. It’s found to be true at stores located in Arizona, California, Colorado and other western stores. Mygrocerydeals.com supports this conclusion, saying Wednesday is a hot day to buy groceries. The site also recommends shopping in the evening or a couple hours prior to closing when perishables are typically reduced for a quick sale.
56:25 – Bloomberg Business Week reports a story about a big rig going down the road. The driver pulls over to take a shower and some dudes jack the big rig, which contains $10 million in pharmaceuticals.
3:24 – The Anointed Men for Christ are presenting Madea’s Big Happy Family: Mime Edition at 6 p.m. on July 30 at the Municipal Auditorium in Shreveport, La. Tickets are only $12.
18:06 – Austin Hatch is a 16-year-old star basketball player in Indiana. He was a passenger with his stepmom Kim in a single-engine plane being flown by his father, Dr. Stephen Hatch. They were flying to the family summer home on Walloon Lake in Michigan, when the plane crashed, killing the father and his stepmother. Austin is in critical condition. In 2003, when he was 8 years old, he was on a plane piloted by his dad that was coming back from a stay at the family home that also crashed – killing his mom, Julie (38), his sister Lindsay (11) and his 5-year-old brother, Ian.
24:31 – Web suffixes like .com and .edu may be less common in the next few years. On June 20, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, also known as ICANN, will relax the standards by which websites may be named. As of next July, top-level domain suffixes will no longer be confined to 22 3-letter options, but will be able to stretch up to 63 characters long. It will cost $185,000 to apply for a new suffix, leading critics to accuse ICANN of corporatizing the future of the internet. Companies including Canon have already announced they will apply for custom suffixes.
38:17 – The TSA plans to reduce children’s pat-downs. Changing a controversy policy, the TSA plans to perform fewer patdowns at security checkpoints, TSA head John S. Pistole said. The shift was part of an ongoing effort to get smarter about security. The decision will ultimately reduce, though not eliminate, patdowns of children.
51:31 – July is National Anti-Boredom Month. This started in 1984 by the New Jersey-based Boring Institute.
55:02 – Time magazine has a picture of a bug in it this week – an ash borer. It is a bug insect from China. Since it was found in the U.S. in 2002 it has killed around 60 million trees in 15 different states. Cities will spend more than $10 billion over the next decade trying to stop it. They call it “the bug that’s eating America.”
19:25 – Adam Sandler’s new movie is called Jack and Jill. Jack and his sister Jill are both played by Adam Sandler. The movie plays into Seth’s love of movies with men in drag.
22:56 – A Michigan jail inmate says he’s being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment because he’s not allowed pornography. In a hand-written lawsuit, 21-year-old Kyle Richards claims his civil rights are being violated at Macomb County Jail. In the complaint, Richards claims that being denied access to pornographic material has subjected him to a "poor standard of living" and "sexual and sensory deprivation.” The Michigan Department of Corrections states that some prisons allow approved pornographic material. However, it is not allowed at the jail. Richards was originally booked into the Macomb County Jail on charges of bank robbery after officers followed a trail of money and footprints in the snow from the scene of the robbery straight to his apartment in January. He pleaded guilty to the charge, and is now scheduled to be sentenced on August 2nd.
28:32 – LA is home to AdultCon, an adult entertainment convention. It took over Erotica LA as the biggest adult entertainment show held at the LA Convention Center. AdultCon’s next show is set for July 29-31 and the LA Convention Center had a show in May called Everything To Do With Sex, and have also booked a show Aug. 26-28 called Exxxotica.
33:41 – July is National Unlucky Month for weddings
42:03 – DVRs, cable boxes and satellite TV boxes are apparently energy hogs. According to a report by the National Resource Defense Council, these devices eat up half as much power as a brand-new full-sized refrigerator and more than most modern televisions. Some modern European cable boxes and DVRs have better power-saving features like an actual standby mode but most American boxes are in the same boat. The nicer the box, the more the power consumption – HD boxes, etc.
44:56 – The Belly Button Biodiversity Project recently began taking DNA samples from people’s navels to find out what kind of bacteria is living within. Of the roughly 1,400 bacteria strains discovered thus far, at least 662 of them are completely unknown. Jah says he always thinks about the crabs living in our eyebrows.
54:35 – Meet the newest crop of farm vehicles: Porsche Carrera, Mercedes SL-550, BMW Z4. One wouldn’t expect to see such high-performance roadsters pulling tillers, hauling fertilizer or spraying pesticide between cornrows, but if you believe their owners, these expensive vehicles are working alongside the John Deeres and Caterpillars of the world. It turns out that some drivers of these cars are perpetrating insurance fraud, claiming them as farm equipment to harvest hefty discounts on insurance premiums. At least that’s the assessment of Quality Planning, a San Francisco company that verifies policyholder data for insurance companies. Auto insurers offer huge farm use discounts for people who use their vehicles exclusively on a farm where the chances of a collision or theft or something befalling the auto are much lower than other urban areas. Quality Planning looked at 80,000 vehicles for which a farm use insurance discount was claimed last year and used geocoding to determine whether the address where the cars were housed was an urban or rural area and whether anyone was actively engaged in farming. About 8%, or almost 7,000 vehicles, were housed in zip codes where less than 1% of the population engaged in any agriculture. Among the vehicles it found very easily was an Audi A4, classified as a farm vehicle in Brooklyn. A Cadillac Seville in LA was also listed as a farm vehicle. “Honest people end up subsidizing the insurance premiums of dishonest people,” says the general vice president of Quality Planning.
5:30 – July is National Blueberry Month, as well as Cell Phone Courtesy Month, Anti-Boredom Month and Lucky Wedding Month. Seth wishes he knew this earlier because he loves blueberries.
15:51 – Seth remembers Mr. Sherwood Schwartz, who created The Brady Bunch. He passed away this week. Seth remembers a particular episode that aired in February of 1973 called “Bobby’s Hero.” The episode description: “When the family learns that Bobby’s hero is Jesse James, Mike and Carol set out to teach him the truth about the outlaw. When books and heavily-edited television movies suggested to Bobby that he wasn’t a villain, Mike tracks down a relative of one of the James victims to share his story with Bobby. That, plus a vivid nightmare in which Jesse James kills the Bradys in a train robbery, finally gets through to Bobby.”
19:51 – The Washington State Supreme Court ruled that Mark Gilbert, who was on trial for kidnapping and raping boys and videotaping all of the encounters, due to the fact that he is acting as his own attorney, must have unlimited access to all of the videos while in jail. Being the defense attorney, Gilbert must be able to review all of the evidence of the case. He has the videos, hard drives, photos – around 28 hours in total of material of over 40 boys. Total access has to be granted or there will be a mistrial. He goes to a private room to “review” the evidence and he is also allowed to put victims on the stand and ask them questions.
24:15 – The California State Fair is open and will run through the remainder of July. They’re serving raccoon on a stick, deep-fried scorpions and the maggot melt – dried maggots and melted cheese on two slices of bread. This Friday the 22nd for free, you can catch a performance of Aja Vu – straight out of San Francisco, playing cover songs of Steely Dan.
53:56 – Delta Airlines, one of the nation’s largest pedophile carriers, can not promise not to lose your bags but it has launched an online service to allow you to track the movement of your bags at each stage of their journey from baggage check-in to airport arrival. You can even go online during your flight to see if your bag made it on your plane.
58:17 – The summer months are the perfect time for a vacation getaway. Unfortunately, they’re also the perfect time for a home invasion. According to the FBI, the summer monhths July and August have the highest rates of burglaries. The Better Business Bureau is advising homeowners who are looking to secure their property this summer to do their research when picking a home security system. According to an academic study of home and business security by Temple University, the Electronic Security Association says that homes without security systems are about 3 times more likely to be broken into than homes with them. Actual statistics range from about 2.2 times to 3.1 times more likely depending on the value of the home. Losses due to burglary average $400 less in residences with security systems than homes without alarm systems. Although no system makes your home completely burglar-proof, a home security system can reduce your chances of being burglarized and give you some peace of mind. In 2010, BBB received nearly 25,000 inquiries from customers asking about burglar alarm systems.
19:43 – Twitter launched in 2006 on July 15. There were 224 tweets the first day. There are 350 billion tweets per day now.
34:36 – Ashley Harlan is marrying Ben Roethlisberger. If you’re down with rape, that’s awesome.
44:09 – July is National Hot Dog and National Ice Cream Month.
52:36 – A judge ruled that a restaurant in Edison, N.J. called Mogul Express can be sued by a group of strictly vegetarian Hindus after the restaurant accidentally served them meat-filled samosas.
6:13 – August is National Eye Exam Month
17:27 – Kevin Keller was the first openly gay character in the Archie comics. He debuted in September of 2010. He has been so well-received, selling out in less than 2 weeks, that he will get his own monthly comic series starting in September.
37:57 – X Games 17 happened this week in LA. The first X Games ever held was in 1995. It included rock climbing and bungee jumping.
43:06 – A service animal is not a pet. The landmark Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 stated very clearly that people with disabilities had a right to take their service animals along with them wherever they want. But in retrospect, the law wasn’t as clear as it might have been on one little point – what exactly is a “service animal?” The law termed it “any animal individually trained to do work or perform tasks to the benefit of a person with a disability.” The new interpretation of the law limits it to dogs and miniature horses.
7:21 – August is National Romance Awareness Month
24:25 – The 65th annual Little League World Series will be taking place at the end of August. Some of the games will be broadcast in 3D. A team from Uganda has lost its bid to become the first entry from Africa to play in the LLWS when some of its players were denied visas to enter the U.S. because of discrepancies over the players’ ages and birth dates.
48:47 – The U.S. Mint has put an end to a very crafty frequent flyer rewards scheme. The scheme was started by savvy travelers back in 2008 when the U.S. Mint launched a direct ship program to sell and ship the dollar coins to the general public in hopes of increasing the use of the coins. Frequent flyers got the idea to buy the coins with their credit cards , accumulate the rewards points on their credit cards and pay off the balance of the credit card with the money they’ve just purchased for equal value. At least one frequent flyer claimed he bought $800,000 in coins with rewards points.
13:53 – The Amazing Spider-Man Part 2 will be coming out May 2, 2014
15:37 – August is National Just Admit You’re Happy Month
29:39 – A security researcher who is diabetic has identified flaws that could allow an attacker to remotely control insulin pumps and alter the readouts of blood sugar monitors. As a result, diabetics could either get too much or too little insulin, a hormone they need for proper metabolism. Jay Radcliffe is a diabetic who experimented on his own equipment. He shared his findings with the Associated Press before releasing them at the Black Hat Computer Security Conference in Las Vegas last week. He uses an insulin pump that can be used with a special remote control to administer the hormone. He found that the pump can be reprogrammed to respond to a stranger’s remote. All he needed was a USB device that he easily obtained from eBay or a medical supply company. He also applied his skill for eavesdropping on computer traffic. By looking at the data being transmitted by the computer with the USB device to the insulin pump, he could instruct the device to tell the pump what to do. He also found it was possible to tamper with a second device he wears. He found he could intercept signals sent wirelessly from a sensor to a machine that displays his blood sugar levels. By broadcasting a signal that is stronger than the real-time authentic readings, the monitor would be tricked into displaying the old information over and over as if it was new and current. As a result, a patient who didn’t notice wouldn’t adjust the insulin dosage properly. With a powerful enough antenna, he said an attacker could be up to a mile and a half away.
36:28 – The Noid is back. You can’t avoid him because Domino’s is bringing him back.
51:26 – “Find A Place To Stay” is the slogan for Air B&B, a website that connects travelers with people who are willing to host them. They recently announced a $50,000 insurance policy and the formation of a 24/7 customer support hotline after one host reported that an Air B&B guest who had rented her apartment had trashed her home, stolen her jewelry, some cash and electronics.
59:52 – Scam watch: The grandchild in need scam. On the other end of the phone is a voice of desperation, what seems to be a grandkid begging for money to be wired to them in Mexico before Federales kill them. It’s been around for years, but has recently become more sophisticated. Now callers have names and sophisticated information.
3:13 – Keiko Fukuda, a pioneer in women’s judo, achieved another milestone this past week when USA Judo promoted her to 10th dan – the highest black-belt level in judo. She is the first woman and one of only four people ever to have reached that rank. The 98-year-old San Francisco resident is the last surviving student of Jigorõ Kanõ, the founder of judo. She has devoted her whole life to this.
5:47 – August is National Family Fun Month
7:05 – Due to budget cuts, a lot of schools are going to be getting rid of recess this year.
37:05 – Actor Tony Danza has listed his longtime Malibu beach house for sale. He purchased the property in 1987 for $1.15 million. It’s 50 feet of beachfront. The 1949 traditional Maine house has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a master suite, a sitting area, a fireplace, a deck that takes up the second level of the home. The property also has 2 detatched guest suites. Mr. Danza, 60, is selling the property for $9.1 million.
1:03:43 – Under a new passenger protection rule that will take effect this week, airlines must refund your checked baggage fees if your bag is lost.
3:20 – The Emory University Yerkes National Primate Research Center reports that the search in Gwinnett County, Ga., for a missing research monkey is over. It’s because they’ve announced that their efforts to locate the monkey are done. Known only as EP13, the 2-year-old was discovered missing two weeks ago.
16:40 – September is National Self-Improvement Month
19:35 – Match.com says that 1 in 5 relationships begin online. They’ve also settled a lawsuit brought by a sexual assault victim by agreeing Tuesday to conduct background checks on all members to screen out known sex offenders. Screenwriter Carole Markin proclaimed victory for the millions of singles who make use of online dating services, saying that Match.com’s commitment to security screening could prevent attacks such as the one she suffered last year on a second date with Alan Paul Wurtzel of the Pacific Palisades, who had at least six previous sex offense convictions.
25:13 – Beloit College released their annual Mindset List (Episode 181, 43:21) for the Class of 2015. Some highlights among the 75 mindsets: Ferris Bueller and Sloane Peterson could be their parents … They swipe cards, not merchandise. … Amazon has never been just a river in South America. … Chicken soup has always been soul food. … They’ve always been able to dismiss boring old ideas with “been there, done that, gotten the t-shirt.” … They’re the first generation to grow up hearing about the dangerous overuse of antibiotics. … They’ve always had the privilege of talking with a chatterbot. … Women have always been Venusians; men Martians. … “Yadda yadda yadda” has always come in handy to make long stories short. … Women have always been kissing women on television. … PC has come to mean personal computer, not political correctness.
29:06 – If you are flying out of Boston Logan International Airport, be prepared to have a brief conversation with a transportation security administration officer, who will be interested in a little bit more than what you have to say. Under a 60-day pilot program that started last week, TSA officials will approach passengers with a few questions to gauge their reaction and look for signs that they may be hiding something. In other airports, specially trained TSA officers known as behavior detection officers already patrol these terminals looking for passengers who are acting suspicious and order them to undergo extra screening.
32:31 – NASCAR points leader, 26-year-old Kyle Busch, nicknamed “Rowdy,” drives the No. 18 car for Joe Gibbs Racing – a Toyota Camry. He was test driving a Lexus LFA, an exotic concept racing prototype, valued at around $375,000, when police in Statesville, N.C., pulled him over for driving 128 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone. He went before a judge, apologized, pled guilty to speeding and no contest to reckless and careless driving. The judge fined him $1,000, sentenced him to 30 hours of community service, 1 year of unsupervised probation and took away his driver’s license for 45 days.
36:53 – Warning to our soldiers overseas or to our families to have soldiers overseas to extend word for UYD – military personnel in Afghanistan have been falling victim to local merchants selling fake gems that they claim can be resold in the U.S. for huge profits. The BBB has announced that Janice Zerby, who owns a jewelry store in Colorado, said members of the military had been coming to her store to sell stones that they bought overseas. Unfortunately, “the majority of stones are fake and even those that are authentic are not cut correctly and are downright unattractive.” The BBB has urged military families to alert loved ones to avoid buying gems from merchants in Afghanistan unless they have good references.
39:47 – Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former head of the International Monetary Fund whose rape case was dismissed, was staying in a $3,000-a-night hotel and accused by a maid that he raped her. Part of the reason why the case collapsed is because Manhattan prosecutors reported that they did an analysis of carpet stains in the room and it contained the semen of three other men. There were also stains on the room’s wallpaper that contained semen of a fourth man.
42:30 – This is the 50th year that the U.S. Department of Agriculture has issued its annual report of the cost of raising a child from birth to age 18. They say a middle income family with a child born in 2010 can expect to spend about $286,860 for the food, shelter and other necessities required to raise a child into legal adulthood. Expenses per child decrease as a child has more children.
45:05 – In Kansas, there’s a state-funded residential program that was specifically designed to teach young adults how to live safe, productive lives. Unfortunately, the state-funded program had girls living in an apartment building that was also housing sex offenders in their 20s.
49:23 – At the Hilton Los Angeles/San Gabriel, the aroma of green tea mixes with the scent of fried crullers and rice porridge at the breakfast buffet. Such traditional Chinese breakfast items will probably become more common with the anticipated explosion of Chinese visitors to the country over the next several years.
5:26 – Seth read an article about Burger King retiring “The King” from its advertising. They mentioned other retired advertising mascots such as the Taco Bell Chihuahua, the Domino’s Noid, the McDonald’s Hamburglar, the Arby’s Oven Mitt, etc.
9:10 – Arizona has a Snow Bowl – a ski area in Flagstaff, Ariz., which is one of the country’s oldest continually running ski resorts. Even at 12,000 feet, though, snowfall fluctuations have made it difficult to maintain a consistent ski season. They want to construct a pipeline that will bring water to make snow from a sewage treatment facility that’s about 15 miles away. The EPA claims the water will be safe for manmade snow. However, there have been some studies done at Northern Arizona University that say the snow would contain pharmaceuticals, hormones, industrial pollutants, carcinogens and endocrine disruptors.
24:12 – A company that makes oral cancer detection tests is suing Listerine’s maker Johnson and Johnson in a New Jersey court, claiming they are actively trying to stop the sales of one of their subsidiaries. Mouthwash can contain up to 26% alcohol and mouthwashes that contain alcohol can contribute to the increased risk of the development of oral cancer.
32:07 – We know about the Duggers from Springdale, Ark., but they’re super-good friends with a family called the Bates from the hills of East Tennessee. They have 18 children. Kelly Bates suffered a miscarriage with her 19th kid, but she just announced she’s pregnant again.
36:46 – September is National Baby Safety Month
39:30 – Jah thinks he wore a pacifier around his neck for a while when he was a raver.
46:09 – Ron Artest is trying to change his name to Metta World Peace, but can not legally do it because he has two outstanding traffic warrants for unpaid parking tickets. He has a court date on Sept. 16. This reminded Seth of a pro basketball player for the Cleveland Cavaliers named World B. Free (born Lloyd Bernard Free).
52:35 – Seth talks about the North Korean soccer team claiming they were struck by lightning prior to a 2011 Women’s World Cup game, which is why Team USA beat them 2-0. Now a bunch of the women have been banned from the 2015 Women’s World Cup because they tested positive for musk deer gland therapy, which is on the IOC banned substance list. N. Korean officials claim they had to take it to help them cope from the lightning strike.
55:11 – Christopher Ryan Smith e-mailed all his family and friend with awesome news – he was embarking on an African adventure. He used to be a surfboarder and wakeboarder and loves jumping off of shit. Over the next few months his e-mails recounted the events – one day he was paragliding near Johannesburg and another day he was sandboarding in huge mines in South Africa. In December, the 32-year-old internet executive from Laguna Beach announced that he was going to the Congo and Rwanda. Then abruptly communication stopped. His family in Oregon called U.S. authorities and launched an international hunt fearing he was in a war-torn region and something happened to him. But Orange County authorities say Smith was never in Africa; in fact, he was already dead – killed months ago inside of his office in San Juan Capistrano by his business partner, Edward Younghoon Shin, who had been using his e-mail account to send the messages to everybody. Shin was arrested earlier this week and charged with the killing, capping an investigation that began months ago.
9:47 – Rosalie Bradford (Episode 042, 46:15) died in 2006 and had the all-time record for heaviest woman at 1,200 pounds. Donna Simpson, 44, from Akron, Ohio, currently holds the Guinness Record for weighing the most at the time of giving birth – 532 pounds, requiring 30 doctors. After birth she got up to 600 and was on her way to challenging the record. She just split from her “feeder fiancée” and is now going on a diet. Pauline Potter, 47, of Sacramento, Calif., currently is the Guinness record holder at 643 pounds. Suzanne Eamon, 32, of Casa Grande, Ariz., has not been documented by Guinness but is 728 and wants to be recognized.
23:54 – September is National Better Breakfast Month
31:04 – When the 55 mph national speed limit was replaced in 1987, states were once again free to establish speed limits based on safety standards and not just fuel economy. States in the overpopulated and traffic-choked northeast set a fairly conservative limit of 65 mph on interstate highways while less population-dense western states gave drivers a bit more free reign. Montana, for example, initially set their interstate speed limit at “reasonable and prudent.” This turned out to be a bad great idea since the terms varied greatly from driver to driver. Until it was changed back to 75 mph on interstate highways, Montana probably had more tourists driving Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Corvettes than any other state in the nation. Today, Utah and portions of Texas have the highest interstate speeds, capped at 80 mph. This will soon change, however, since Texas has approved a new maximum speed limit of 85 mph. The first step is a review of interstate highways to see which are approved for an upgrade from 70 to 75, then those that are approved for 80 to 85.
36:20 – October 5 is considered to be the most common birthday, while May 22 is considered to be the least common.
38:48 – At 7-11 in the Capitol Hill neighborhoods of Seattle, there is a 7-foot tall P.O. Box-style locker with about 40 different sizes of compartments pushed up against the wall. It’s owned by Amazon.com and it’s a test trial they’re doing to see if people will pick up their Amazon purchases from a place like this as opposed to getting them delivered to your home.
49:04 – In addition to worrying about keeping up with their studies, new college students should also take steps to prevent themselves from being victims of identity theft. The BBB said it’s not always strangers that commit identity theft. Sometimes it’s a new roommate. Students should keep statements in a safe place and have sensitive mail sent to their parents’ homes, the Bureau said in a release.
52:27 – President Obama was at a town hall in Atkinson, Ill., and said, “Businesses have gotten so efficient – when was the last time someone used a travel agent instead of going online?” The travel agents were not happy and wrote him a strongly worded letter.
4:19 – Kevin Kelly is the founder of Wired magazine. He wrote a book last year called “What Technology Wants.” In it he said there are at least 1 trillion different web pages. Now, with a $1 million grant from Google, the World Wide Web Foundation, headed by 56-year-old Tim Berners-Lee, the man credited for inventing the WWW, will find out exactly how many there are.
5:47 – Kevin Keller is the new gay character in the Archie Comics universe. He’s so popular that there will be a storyline where he returns from war as a war hero and gets married.
10:03 – Watson, the IBM supercomputer that defeated its human opponents on Jeopardy!, has been hired by the health insurer Wellpoint to help suggest treatments and diagnoses to doctors and nurses. They will begin using Watson next year to review treatment requests by medical doctors. Later it will be made accessible to doctors themselves. The technology can process approximately 200 million pages of content every 3 seconds.
18:57 – September is National Courtesy Month.
20:41 – Randall Cobb is a wide receiver for the Green Bay Packers. On their opening night win against the New Orleans Saints, he became the first person born in the 1990s to play in the NFL. He also scored 2 touchdowns. He’s 21 years old and was born Aug. 22, 1990. Seth thinks he should date Katie Vernola, the first person born in the 90s to pose as a Playboy playmate.
22:30 – This month’s Playboy was rolled back to 1960s prices to celebrate The Playboy Club on NBC this week.
35:03 – Seven Days In Utopia is a new movie that stars Lucas Black as a young professional golfer named Luke Chism who has a disastrous round on the professional golf tour and it rattles him. He decides to escape the pressures of the tour and winds up in a little town in Texas called Utopia. There he’s given seven days of golf, life and spiritual lessons from an eccentric rancher named Johnny Crawford played by Robert Duvall. With renewed confidence and faith, Luke plays another tournament to seek his ultimate redemption. The movie closes with him standing over his golf ball with a chance to win the tournament with a winning putt. Just as he taps the ball, the film abruptly ends, and then continues everyone to continue the journey at didhemaketheputt.com.
41:18 – Children 12 years old and younger soon will no longer be required to remove their shoes at airport security checkpoints. Homeland security secretary Janet Neopolitano told Congress on Tuesday that the policy also includes other ways to screen young children without resorting to a touch-down ball-grab-involved process. The changes should be taking place in the next couple months. Neopolitano said there may be some exceptions. Terrorists have plotted to use children as suicide bombers in the past and some children may still be required to remove their shoes to keep security random.
48:22 – A terrible drought happened this summer in the South, particularly in Georgia and Texas. Because of this, the nation’s peanut crops are expected to be 30 percent more expensive. Due to Hurricane Irene and the subsequent flooding throughout the northeast, Americans could now see a massive pumpkin shortage this fall.
1:00:46 – Imagine you’re sitting down at a bar, you snap a photo of a person and you can then find out who they are, who their friends are, where they live, what kind of music they like and even predict their SSN. Alessandro Acquisti sold this technology to Google. He gave a presentation titled “Privacy in the Age of Augmented Reality” at the annual Las Vegas Black Hat Hackers Convention. Using off-the-shelf basic facial recognition software and simple internet data mining techniques, Acquisti said he’s proven that most people can be identified simply by a photo of their face. Our faces have become our identities, and there’s little hope of remaining anonymous in 2011 in a world where billions of photos are taken and posted online every month.
1:01:03 – Seth segues from a news bit to explain that some geniuses in Carnegie Mellon developed an algorithm in 2009 to find out what your social security number was. At a certain percentage of tries they could guess it with only a little bit of prior information. It was Alessandro Acquisti who did this research.
5:55 – September is National Chicken Month.
7:26 – Saturday, Oct. 1 is World Vegetarian Day
30:32 – Wild Eagle is America’s first wing coaster coming in 2012 in Dollywood – Pigeon Forge, Tenn. It will cost $20 to build. Riders will sit on either side of the track in a winged formation. It’s a 2 ½-minute long ride. It’s the second coaster of its kind.
35:24 – Seth has the official guide to the unofficial Gay Days Anaheim in Disney Land. It’s the first week of June at Disney World.
44:38 – Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver, had a reality show on Spike TV in 2009 called Fourth and Long. It took 10 guys of varying talent, put them through various football drills and contests, and awarded the winner a spot on the Cowboys practice squad. 53 guys are on an NFL team’s roster and 8 guys are on the practice squad. They make a little over $5,000 a week. The winner of this show, Jesse Holley, spent 2009 and 2010 on the practice squad. This past Sunday, QB Tony Romo pulled him aside and hooked up with him for his first two catches of his career in the fourth quarter against the San Francisco 49ers. On the first play of overtime, Romo threw a 77-yard reception to Holley, who had put the ball up in the air and got tackled from behind on the 1-yard line. The Cowboys’ kicker came in and won the game afterward.
48:17 – From Time magazine, when John Marden and Anna Elizabeth decided to split in 2005 after 13 years of marriage, they both moved out of the house. They shared the house in the woods near Santa Cruz, Calif. Their 3 children stayed put. When it was Elizabeth’s turn to look after the kids, she stayed with them in the house. When it was their father’s house, she would leave and he would take over. This arrangement, sometimes known as “nesting,” has emerged over the past decade as an offshoot of the equal custody or co-parenting trend. It requires what would seem to many splitting couples to be a mind-bogglingly amicable relationship and usually a robust pot of marital funds since the number of homes usually expands to 3. It’s also an interesting sign of the way ending a marriage is changing, at least in certain spheres.
52:55 – The FDA has announced that in an effort to cut down on products using ozone-depleting chlorofluorocarbons, over-the-counter inhalers such as Primatine Mist will no longer be available after Dec. 31.
54:50 – Seth talks about a parking meter attendant who got solicited by a porn chick on the street and she ended up blowing him. It was Brazzers that did it. Now they have porn actresses going into LAFD firehouses and dancing around on their poles.
19:25 – Time magazine had some excerpts from a new book called The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us. The article starts off by stating, “Never mind what your parents told you. They did have a favorite child, and if you have kids, you do too. Why? It’s hard-wired into all of us.”
29:34 – October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
32:11 – Imperial mass is equal to 14 pounds. Eight stone equals 100 weight. Stone was originally used for weighing agricultural commodities. Historically the number of pounds in a stone varied by commodity.
45:55 – There was an exhibition hockey game in London, Ontario. The Philadelphia Flyers were playing. Their young player, 23-year-old black man Wayne Simmonds, was skating toward the Detroit Red Wings goalie during a shootout and someone in the crowd threw a banana out onto the ice, but he scored anyway. A few days ago, the Flyers are playing in the states against the New York Rangers. A fight breaks out, and Simmonds got into a tussle with New York Ranger Sean Avery. Simmons yells at Avery, audibly calling him a “fucking faggot.” Avery has been accused by teammates of taunting black opponents and calling them “black monkeys.” Another black guy said he was crazy racist to him on the ice about 5 years ago. Avery once got into hot water by talking about a guy dating Cuthbert getting his “sloppy seconds.”
51:30 – EmotionalBagCheck.com is where you can unload or take someone’s emotional baggage from them.
5:45 – Martha Stewart’s daughter wrote a tell-all book about having to wrap her own presents for Christmas.
6:06 – October is National Computer Learning Month. The first one was in October of 1987.
12:42 – There’s a brou-haha that Seth is wrapped up in. Chipotle’s pinto beans are cooked in bacon fat, and they would only tell you if your ordered a burrito without chicken or steak. The black beans are vegan friendly. Then Seth was told on the hush-hush by someone at The Cheesecake Factory revealing that their black beans are cooked in chicken stock.
28:55 – Universal Pictures is releasing the comedy Tower Heist on Friday, Nov. 4. This is directed by Brett Ratner. The movie is about the hard-working staff of a NYC high-rise condominium. A Wall Street billionaire lives in the penthouse who has been running a ponzi scheme, and wipes out all of the staff’s money. They decide to rob him to get it back. The comedy stars Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Casey Affleck, Matthew Broderick, Michael Peña, Judd Hirsch and Alan Alda. Three weeks after its theatrical release, Comcast will make the video available on demand for $59.95.
33:28 – According to the National Retail Federation, Americans plan to spend $6.9 billion this year for Halloween. A little more than $300 million will be spent on costumes for pets, and we will also spend around $2 billion on candy and decorations.
43:37 – Newsweek had an article about sperm donation and people who don’t use an official donor registry but just meet up and exchange seed.
52:08 – Dan Castellaneta has sold his Pacific Palisades home to Hank Azaria for $5.5 million. Azaria is downsizing from his Bel-Air home that he just sold last month for $11 million. Castellaneta and Azaria are threatening to quit The Simpsons—in its 23rd season – over another salary dispute, because the $500,000 a week they make isn’t enough for them to do voiceovers down the street from their house.
58:36 – Tom Sizemore got arrested. He claims it’s an old Heidi Fleiss snafu, some old warrant. The reason he got arrested is because the police had arrested a guy earlier in the evening for grand theft auto and the dude who got arrested wrote Sizemore’s address down – it’s because he’s Sizemore’s personal assistant. The assistant’s name is Eddie Lee Cabbage.
3:19 – Seth asks Jah if he knows about La Llorona, the weeping woman. This is a widespread legend in Mexico and Central America. As the story goes, a beautiful young woman named Maria – in order to be with the man she loves – kills her children by drowning. When the man rejects her, she kills herself. When she gets to the gates of Heaven, she’s asked about the whereabouts of her children. She’s not permitted to enter the afterlife until she’s found them. She’s forced to wander the earth for all eternity, searching in vain for her drowned offspring with her constant weeping, giving her the name la llorona, aka “weeping woman.” Everyone Seth talked to of Latin descent claimed they had heard of it. Universal Halloween Horror Nights is using La Llorona for the third straight year – Embark on a spine-chilling journey through the rotting remains of a haunted Mexican village. Imagined by actor Diego Luna, of Y Tu Mama Tambien and Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights fame. He grew up with the story on a street in Mexico called Alley of the Weeping Woman. That costs $62.
6:59 – For many people, now is the ideal time to have your furnace serviced before the busy winter season starts. The BBB has warned the public to be cautious about misleading heating contractors who may use scare tactics to buy a new furnace and authorize expensive but unneeded repairs to their existing system.
13:54 – October is National Clergy Appreciation Month
17:58 – As of yet, no airport in the U.S. uses any type of biometric techniques – such as voice matching, iris scans or fingerprints – to confirm passengers’ identities. However, that may change. A Silicon Valley high-tech company last week demonstrated an electronic gate at the Norman Y. Mineta San Jose International Airport that scans a person’s iris to determine his/her identity. The e-gate, developed by Aoptics Technologies of Campbell, has not been approved by airports. However, company representatives say the technology is in use on a limited basis in airports in Britain and Qatar and could possibly be ready for deployment throughout the U.S. in about 12-18 months.
26:26 – John and Jane Does across the country are being accused of sharing and stealing copywritten material. In mid-July, Yolanda P opened her mailbox in Visalia to find a letter that has been landing in tens of thousands of mailboxes across the country. It said she was being sued by an adult film company that said she had illegally downloaded porn on her computer. These allegations of porn piracy are now part of a torrent of legal battles unfolding coast-to-coast in an explosion of copywright lawsuits filed over the last year. From Silicon Valley to Washington DC, adult filmmakers are unleashing their lawyers in federal courts to sue John and Jane Does for allegedly stealing porn and sharing it on an increasingly porn-happy internet. Duplicating in many ways what the music industry’s ill-fated campaign of a few years ago to stem music file-sharing, the adult film industry has now sued more than 200,000 initially anonymous defendants in an attempt to track down and punish those who illegally downloaded porn movies such as A Punk Rock Orgy In The Woods and Dexxxter. The lawsuits name Doe defendants until they can unearth the identities through their internet providers.
16:55 – The Saturday Los Angeles Times Homes section had a piece called “Can I recycle…” Because policies and recommendations can vary from city to city, each week we ask a sampling of officials from various municipalities to weigh in on various questions… Seth was shocked at the number of things people could not recycle.
21:37 – October is National American Pharmacist Month
28:38 – Seth read about the next-gen air transportation. Apparently we’ve been trying to implement this for 20 years – it’s supposed to be there by 2025, but it’s going to transform America’s air-traffic control system from the aging, ground-based system that it is now to a more futuristic satellite-based system. Seth didn’t know that the radar screens in the towers are based on technology dating to before WWII or that many of the routes still flown by pilots today were laid out at a time when pilots in the early 1920s followed bonfires set out at night by people to help dictate where they were going on parts of their trip.
33:23 – Starting Sunday, Jan. 1, 2012, the minimum age required to use a tanning bed in the state of California will be 18. Teens ages 14-17 used to be able to tan with a parent’s permission, but that will no longer be the case. The new law will allow use with a doctor’s prescription.
46:11 – Arthur Rhodes, a 42-year-old relief pitcher currently playing in the World Series against the Texas Rangers. He started the season with the Rangers and was traded to the Cardinals before the trade deadline. The Rangers are paying him $1.1 million this year even though he’s playing with the Cardinals. He’s being paid $100,000 from the Cardinals because that’s the league minimum they had to give him to play in a Cardinals’ uniform. He has said that if the Rangers win the World Series, he wants his World Series ring. So he wants a ring either way.
13:24 – November is National Peanut Butter Lovers Month
16:51 – The 28th annual Love Ride drew more than 2,000 bikers to Glendale’s Harley-Davidson dealership on San Fernando Road. The annual charity event raises money for autism awareness – it has raised more than $13 million in its history. They head out to Castaic Lake for BBQ, music, etc. Tonight Show host Jay Leno was the grand marshal of the event. He addressed the crowd, “Every year the organizer says ‘Drive safe.’ I’m going to say, don’t drive safe. I want to see somebody go down so it’ll be fun. I want it to be in front or behind me and see a whole row of bikers go down. Get drunk, fall off the road. We’ve all become too damn polite.” About an hour later, a couple’s motorcycle collided with a big rig on the Golden State Freeway. The rig’s rear tires ran over the pair and paramedics pronounced them dead at the scene.
19:38 – There was more data transmitted over the internet in 2010 than the entire history of the internet up through 2009. “The transfer of data over the internet is growing faster than ever,” said VP of Intel’s Architecture Group, Kirk Skaugen, during the Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco. He also explained how infrastructure is scaling with the increasing transfer of data. He said although there are currently 4 billion connected devices around the world, Intel expects that number to increase to 15 billion by 2015; and to 50 billion by 2020. Many servers and computers will face challenges from these increases, including those that support the 48 hours of YouTube videos uploaded each minute, the 200 million tweets sent per day and the 7.5 billion photos uploaded to Facebook every month.
22:58 – Seth read Hot Property in the Los Angeles Times. Matthew Perry is 42 years old. He played a character named Chandler Bing on an NBC sitcom called Friends that ran from 1994-2004. He lives in a brand-new glass-walled custom-built house that is in the Sunset Strip area of Hollywood up in the Hills. He bought it this summer for $8.65 million. He also owns a West Hollywood condo in the Sierra Towers that he bought from Elton John, which he sold for just under $3 million. He also owns another house down the street on the Sunset Strip that he sold for just under $6 million. He also has an ocean-front Malibu house that he owns that he sold for $13.5 million.
30:13 – With the help of Phish’s Trey Anastasio, the 1997 documentary about an endurance competition in Longview TX to win a pickup truck, Hands On A Hard Body, will be turned into a musical premiering at the La Jolla Playhouse in April of 2012.
41:23 – We The People is now live on WhiteHouse.gov. This tool provides you with a new way to petition the Obama administration to take action on a range of important issues that our country is facing. If a petition gets enough support – 25,000 signatures in 30 days – the White House staff will review it and make sure it is sent to the appropriate policy experts and they will issue an appropriate response. There are currently 159 petitions, including Legalize Raw Milk Sales and Save the Postal Service and Keep the Government Out of My Bedroom and Examine the Government’s Failure to Investigate and Prosecute the Church of Scientology for Crimes of Fraud and Abuse.
50:17 – The BBB warns of unclaimed property scams. Scammers are falsely claiming that people have unclaimed property owed to them. As people are becoming more aware of the different kinds of unclaimed property there are out there, there is a more real possibility that money could be waiting for them. BBB reports of scams that use that promise of finding unclaimed money to lure people in – forgotten bank accounts, tax refunds, security deposits, old jobs, etc. The new scam comes in a form of an e-mail that tells these people they have millions of dollars in unclaimed money. The message appears to come from the National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators. It directs consumers to call an overseas number to claim their supposed money. Scammers intend to get personal information from people such as their bank account information, credit card information and social security numbers. While NAUPA is a real organization, it itself does not have control over any of the actual money – only the records of that money. Unclaimed property databases are located and maintained by individual states.
11:57 – November is National Sleep Comfort Month
21:42 – People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” issue will hit newsstands on Friday, Nov. 18. Jah guarantees it’s Ryan Gosling and Seth thinks he’s right.
39:47 – The US Bureau of Transportation released stats this week concerning the country’s largest airline. All told, major airline carriers collected $1.5 billion from checked luggage and reservation charge fees in the months of April, May and June.
41:42 – Late last week after the show, possibly Friday, Jah heard a blurb on NPR about the rice crisis that occurred a few years ago. It was about how wheat was incredibly expensive and India chose to buy more rice than wheat by making it illegal to export any rice grown there. As a result it started to spike globally throughout the market. The Phillippines got involved and bought it from brokers. The brokers would buy the rice, take their profit and split it with the Phillippines. The whole time it was happening, the U.S. paid an enormous debt to Japan in rice, so there are massive U.S. rice reserves in Japan, but the caveat of the deal was they were not allowed to sell the American rice – only use it on their own. There was 100,000 tons of it sitting there while rice was skyrocketing around the world. Two economists in America know the rice reserves are there and leverage America to allow Japan to sell the rice in order to stabilize the rice market again.
47:30 – The FBI recognized the Juggalos as a gang.
4:26 – November is National Child Safety Protection Month
6:52 – According to the America Farm Bureau Federation, the cost of a Thanksgiving dinner for 10 will increase this year by 13% - coming in at just around $50.
30:30 – Starting in January 2012, the USPS will increase the price of a first-class postage stamp 1 cent to 45 cents. It’s the first increase in two years. Postcard stamps will go from 29 cents to 32 cents.
55:42 – Dippin’ Dots has filed for bankruptcy. They were invented by Southern Illinois University-Carbonville graduate Kurt Jones in 1987. The confection is created by flash-freezing ice cream mix in liquid nitrogen.
58:20 – The Better Business Bureau has weighed in recently on the fact that there are more than 60 domain names that have been registered in the name of Santa Claus, offering children a wide range of opportunities to e-mail Saint Nick. Sadly, they aren’t always so trustworthy and can be a dangerous way to share information. The BBB is advising parents to do their homework before allowing their children to write to Santa this holiday season.
59:27 – A baseball player for the Nationals from Venezuela just got kidnapped while he was home playing in the winter league.
24:25 - Through the end of this week, the US Postal Service is offering amnesty to all people who have their official hard white plastic bins. People who return their bins will be able to avoid the possible $1,000 fine and jail time. Seth has one in his possession, and J-dawg has two that he knows of.
28:58 - November is National Real Jewelry Month
30:20 - The AARP released a bulletin this week of slang words for old people to avoid using: panties, smashed, sick, whatever, totes, hot, kick it.
4:33 – Time magazine’s 50 Best Inventions of the Year – Pre-emptive policing – 94.7 meters in one city block. Police officers in Santa Cruz, Calif., are getting ahead of the bad guys by figuring out where crimes will be committed before they take place. Using a computer program developed by mathematicians, anthropologists and criminologists, officers are able to predict what areas of the city are most at-risk for future crimes and the time the crimes are most likely to occur so they can have a member of the police force at the ready.
6:24 – The BBB has issued a warning about an e-mail scam that claims it’s from the BBB. The e-mail contains a dangerous attachment regarding a complaint and appears to direct recipients to the BBB website.
9:46 – December is National Write A Friend Month
13:38 – New social network called GROWLr – for bears, by bears.
5:29 – City workers in Echo Park drained the lake in Los Angeles. It was last drained in 1984 for the Olympics. The 2011 drain included 7 shopping carts, 6 skateboards, 3 boomboxes, 20 frisbees, 20 park trash cans, 36 construction cones, 1 payphone and 2 guns.
10:09 – The month of December is National Bingo Month.
11:12 – Second Life has relegated all their adult-oriented stuff into a red-light district in Second Life. It’s compartmentalized into a porn world within Second Life.
14:34 – It’s the season of regifting, a tried and true old holiday tradition.
33:46 – Quorn is a line of meat substitutes. It’s showing to possibly cause gastrointestinal distress and may even cause a life-threatening allergic reaction. This is according to the Center for Science and the Public Interest, a non-profit based in D.C. It’s a microprotein that’s included in the cylindrical roast. Since 2002, the Center has found more than 500 complaints from the U.S., including vomiting, diarrhea, fainting and blood in the stool and hives.
50:02 – According to the National Greeting Card Association, Americans will send 1.5 billion Christmas cards this year. That’s down from 2.7 billion in 1995. On Valentine’s Day, 144 million cards are sent. On Mother’s Day, 133 million are sent. On Father’s Day, 94 million. Easter, 57 million. Halloween, 20 million. Thanksgiving, 10 million. St. Patrick’s Day, 8 million.
55:30 – The USPS is releasing limited-edition 44-cent stamps produced and sold by PETA that will have a cornucopia of famous vegetarians such as Bob Barker, Pamela Anderson, Woody Harrelson, Joan Jett, Pythagorus, Ghandi, Leonardo da Vinci, Leo Tolstoy, etc.
56:48 – In Revere, Mass., there is a candy company called NECCO that made a trillion candy wafers in 8 flavors – orange, lemon-lime, clove, chocolate, cinnamon and wintergreen. They thought the legendary chalky sugary candy would appeal to a modern health-conscious consumer if they started using all-natural ingredients such as cabbage and beets instead of using coloring and flavoring they previously did. They have experienced tremendous opposition, both in e-mails, letters, phone calls and sales, and have decided to go back to the original formulas.
2:38 – PANTONE’s 2012 Color of the Year is Tangerine Tango – a spirited reddish orange. Sophisticated but at the same time dramatic and seductive, it marries the vivaciousness and adrenaline rush of red with the friendliness and warmth of yellow to form a magnetic hue that emanates heat and energy.
4:33 – December is National Spiritual Literacy Month
5:44 – According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, in the United States and its territories, in 2011 there are 739,853 registered sex offenders.
20:36 – Maum Meditation – when human mind changes to universe mind
25:23 – Beware of porch pirating – thieves who take packages left on doorsteps and porches of neighborhood homes.
33:43 – 2012 food trends to look out for: for the young, “Free From” foods – free from gluten, dairy, soy, nuts, etc. For the old, foods with health add-ons, i.e. glucosamine for joint health, omega 3s for brain health, artery cleanses for cardiovascular health.
43:55 – A quarter of Iraq’s population has been born since the U.S. invasion of 2003. Almost half of the country is under the age of 19. They have taken cues from American soldiers, media, culture, DVDs, magazines, etc., and are wearing baggy jeans and hoodies, getting tattoos, listening to hip-hop, eating pizza and burgers and watching Twilight.
13:01 – December is National Rising Star Month.
31:57 – The 29th annual AVN Awards are on Saturday, Jan. 29, 2012. It’s going to be held at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. The hosts this year are Bree Olson and Sonny Leone – often referred to as the most beautiful woman in porn – as well as Dave Attel. Jah lists through a bunch of the nominees.
40:06 – According to Expedia, the American workforce did not use 226 million vacation days this year – that equals roughly $34 billion worth of time.
47:53 – LA County sex offenders held in sweep: a 4-day sweep of sex offenders’ homes led to the arrest of five probationers on suspicion of decorating their homes for Halloween to make them inviting to children. Officials said on Tuesday 3 of the 5 were taken into custody. One was a probationer who had a trapdoor in his bedroom leading to a basement where officers found a chair and rope. County supervisor Michael DiAntonio said at Tuesday’s Board of Supervisors meeting the county probation department also arrested a married ocuple “both on probation for molesting their own children, who had their home fully decorated for Halloween and were in possession of drugs and child pornography.” Sex offenders on probation are supposed to keep their front porch lights off and blinds and curtains drawn on Halloween.
22:09 – A San Francisco / Bay Area attorney filed a complaint on behalf of the National Organization for Women alleging that the Hooters restaurant chain was violating state and local laws by marketing itself as an adult-oriented business while selling food and products to minors.
31:11 – Google has unveiled an application that allows for customers to use their Android phones to pay for things – it’s called Google Wallet. They can run it like a bar code. By 2014, purchases made on mobile phones is supposed to quadruple to $630 billion of transactions, while Visa and Mastercard process $6 trillion in credit card transactions annually.
35:35 – The Adams Funeral Parlor has been a fixture in Compton since 1974. It has a drive-through funeral home
38:57 – Tactile Mind – porn for the blind. It’s $225 for a book by Lisa Murphy. It took 2 years and $14,000 to make. The pages of the thermoform plastic, consisting of 17 tactile photographs with accompanying Braille text.
46:00 – The sneezing, eye-watering, itchy-throated misery that comes with allergies is on the rise, led by a growing number of Americans allergic to ragweed and mold. A new national study by Quest Diagnostics Health Trends found that sensitization to ragwee and mold has increased 15% and 12% respectively in the last four years. People in the South, Great Lakes states and the Plains are reporting the highest concentration of ragweed.
49:30 – Airworthiness Directives is the name of the new FAA rule that might kill you one day. It dictates that emergency oxygen masks should be removed from lavatories in commercial airplanes in the U.S. The new rule was just made public by the FAA after keeping it secret for a long time in the name of national security. It has already been enacted in 6,000 planes in the U.S. fleet as of March of 2011. Neither the government nor any of these airlines have notified the passengers about any of these changes. According to an FAA note, the oxygen generators are a security risk that could be used by terrorists as explosive devices to take planes down.
54:35 – An online survey of 1,000 Americans was commissioned by Mariott’s Springhill Suites brand. When vacationers children become unruly, the top 3 respones were 15% yelled at their kids, 13% walked away and took deep breaths to calm down and 12% ignored the children altogether. Southerners prefer a deep breathing technique while Midwesterners are more likely to yell. Before traveling, 38% of men get a haircut, while 28% of women do the same. When it comes to personal routines, 24% of Americans from the Northeast said they would not put off shaving during their vacation, while 26% of Southerners would not go without praying.
5:05 – Proponents from the AIDS Health Care Foundation gathered 70,000 signatures – far exceeding the 41,000 required – to put the Adult Film Workplace Condom Initiative on the June ballot in Los Angeles. This proposal, if passed, would require all adult film actors to wear condoms in all sex scenes.
7:45 – The month of January is National Bath Safety Month
10:19 – The Louisiana State Health Department has issued a warning about the dangers of improperly using nasal irrigation devices, aka neti pots, responding to two recent deaths in the state that are thought to have resulted from a brain-eating amoeba entering the victims’ brains through their sinuses while they were using these devices. Both victims are believed to have filled their neti pots with tap water rather than manufacturer-recommended distilled or sterilized water. When they use these pots to force the water up their noses and flush out their sinus cavities, a treatment for colds and hayfever, a deadly amoeba living in the tap water worked its way from their sinuses into their brain. The parasitic organism infected the victims brains with a neurological disease known as PAME. This rapidly destroys neural tissue and typically kills sufferers in a matter of days. Jah thinks everyone should turn to autoclaves.
14:15 – A year after introducing Riverdale’s first gay character, Kevin Keller, Archie Comics will show Kevin’s marriage to his boyfriend, Clay Walker. The issue will hit comic book stores on Jan. 4 and newsstands on Jan. 10.
18:02 – Barefoot driving is legal – even on a motorcycle, but that does not mean it’s a good idea.
20:10 – Seinfeld is doing a live show at the Pantages Theater on Hollywood and Vine. He’s going to do Friday, March 16 at 7 and 9:30 p.m. and Saturday, March 17 at 7 and 9:30 p.m. Tickets are $89 with a $14.55 fee for a total of $103.55. Total capacity of the Pantages is 2,691 seats – for $278,653.05 per show for a grand total of $1,114,612.20.
46:19 – Couples only have until Friday, Jan. 6 to apply online to be one of the 10 engaged couples to be married in the Nude on Valentine’s Day 2012 at Hedonism II resort in Negril, Jamaica. No children are allowed. The definition of hedonism is (n.) the pursuit of pleasure. The ethical theory that pleasure is the highest good and proper aim of human life. Everything you’ve heard is true – the legends, the rumors, the myths – all true. For 30 years Hedonism Resorts have enjoyed a reputation for shattering inhibitons and provokig the kind of behavior people don’t talk about in polite circles. It’s what happens when you combine warm water, white sand beach, open bars and open minds. This is about as far as you can get from your everyday life. And best of all, just about everything you can eat, drink, fuck and smoke is included.
14:55 – The national retirement age was set at 65 years of age in the year 1935. In that year, life expectancy was roughly about 61.7 years. Life expectancy in the year 2012 is just above 78 years.
34:31 – January 2012 is National Oatmeal Month
36:02 – In Trenton, N.J., two chemicals considered harmful to babies remain in Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo sold in the U.S., although the company already makes versions without them in it, according to a coalition of health and environmental groups. The coalition is now urging consumers to boycott Johnson & Johnson baby products until the company agrees to remove the chemicals from its baby products sold around the world. The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics has unsuccessfully been urging the world’s largest health care company for 2 ½ years to remove the trace amounts of potentially cancer-causing chemicals dioxane and a substance called quaternium-15 that releases formaldehyde from Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, one of its signature products. Johnson & Johnson said it is reducing or gradually phasing out the chemicals. Johnson & Johnson clearly can make a safer shampoo in all markets around the world, but it’s not doing it.
44:37 – 1 in every 30 babies born in the U.S. is a twin – an astounding increase from the last three decades. In 1980 it was every 53 babies. Women are waiting until their 30s to have babies and for an unknown reason mothers in their 30s are more likely to have twins.
6:26 – The University of Washington has sent an e-mail notification to all students, faculty and staff in its Seattle campus because of two Level III sex offenders. Spokesman Norm Arkins has told the Seattle Times he believes it is the first time that UW has sent a campuswide e-mail notice about a sex offender attending classes on the Seattle campus. One of the men was convicted of child molestation in 2004; the other was convicted of second-degree rape in 2003.
19:25 – The TSA says they found an average of 4 firearms each day in peoples’ bags in the year 2011 in American airports.
21:42 – The Advocate names Seattle the fifth-gayest city in the country.
33:34 – Two social workers from the University of Maryland co-authored a book called Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships. They say that married couples who have friendships with their couple friends have stronger relationships and that watching the other couples helps manage their coupling.
59:18 – January is National Hot Tea Month.
1:15:28 – Winter and spring are prime cruising months, but the BBB is advising consumers to read all the fine print before signing up for special cruise deals. In 2011, the BBB received more than 1,300 complaints against cruises. While many deals are legitimate, there are always those sneaky few that end up sucking thousands of dollars from their victims.
8:12 – There was a conviction in Santa Ana this week. A city intern was convicted on Thursday of secretly videotaping men in a restroom in City Hall with a cell phone. Miguel Ruiz Fabian, 24, pled guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct by unlawful viewing and has been sentenced to 6 months in jail and 3 years’ probation. Fabian, who was an engineering student at Cal Poly-Pomona and interning the time at the Public Works Department for the city, recorded men using the restroom in Santa Ana City Hall and the City Hall Annex 64 times over the span of 23 days. Prosecutors said that Fabian would enter the bathroom stall, put his phone on the floor and record men in adjacent stalls.
10:07 – There were 206,000 feet of exhibits at this year’s Winter Fancy Food Show in San Francisco. 17,000 attendees visited 1,300 booths to learn the future of specialty foods in the U.S. They learned that Korean food is the new Thai food.
25:53 – January is National Blood Donor Month
32:10 – A babe. A band. A brawler. Kia Motors hopes these three elements combined will make its Super Bowl ad stand out above the rest. Kia has enlisted supermodel Adriana Lima, rockers Motley Cure and MMA fighter Chuck Liddell for its 60-second ad that will air during the Super Bowl for the Kia Optima Limited. The idea is for one man’s wildest fantasy to come alive. Michael Sprague, Kia Motors America head of marketing and communications, says, “As we dream at night, our true desires come out.”
42:46 – Burger King is testing a delivery service at several of its locations. You must live within 10 minutes of the store to qualify. It’s a $2 service charge for the delivery. Breakfast foods are not included.
3:55 – February is National Wedding Month
6:17 – During the NFC Championship game at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, members of the SFPD were dressed up in New York Giants football garb to keep an eye on crowds and fans that can get unruly. Seth refers to this as “bait fans.”
9:56 – The New York Giants won the NFC Championship Game against the 49ers. 50 Cent bet $500,000 on the Giants to win. He claims he’s going to bet $1 million on them. If he loses, he’s going to tweet a picture of his dick.
10:53 – Birdman is so confident that the New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl because BenJarvus Green-Ellis is his nephew. He wants to put up $5 million on the Pats.
16:51 – For every minute that passes in real time, 60 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube. That’s 5 months of video every hour and 10 years of video every day. More video has been uploaded to YouTube every month than there’s been broadcast by the big 3 TV networks in the past 60 years. The pace is accelerating. Last year the rate was only 48 hours per minute. William Blake once wrote something about seeing a world in a grain of sand and seeing eternity in an hour. YouTube has not reached that point but it’s well on its way. It gets 4 million page views a day which adds up to 1 trillion a year.
19:17 – Seth gives an overview of Liam Neeson’s movies The Grey and Taken, and then drops the bomb that filming has begun on Taken 2.
32:28 – After 30 years of giving passengers spiritual words to reflect on while they eat their meals, Alaska Airlines is retiring the prayer cards from its meal trays. Airline spokeswoman Bobbie Eagan said the decision was made after hearing from customers who preferred not to mix religion with transportation. She said the cards began as a marketing ploy to differentiate the regional airline from its competitors. The cards offer a rotating message of different Psalms from the Old Testament. They are a Seattle-based company.
39:46 – USA Today reports that in 2009, 13% of gun owners were women. In 2010, 15% were women. In 2011, 23% were women.
41:17 – Bubba Watson is a professional golfer. He is 33 years old and bought the Lee I for $110,000 at the Barrett Jackson Automobile Auction. This is the 1969 Dodge Charger General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard. It’s the model that was used in the TV series’ opening credits that jumps Roscoe P. Coltrane’s police car. It was completely destroyed in the jump and then rebuilt.
44:42 – The world famous Philippe’s French Dipped Sandwiches in downtown LA has been serving 10-cent cups of coffee since 1977. On Thursday, the price will jump to $0.50 a cup ($0.45 plus $0.05 tax)
4:35 – February is National Children’s Dentist Health Month
11:36 – With Valentine’s Day approaching, now might be a good time for lonely consumers to watch out for a con called the romance scam. In this scam, criminals pose as would-be lovers through social media or dating websites, strike up an internet-based relationship and then ask for money so that they can travel to meet their pursuer. Once the victim sends the money – boyakasha – the conversations end and the money is gone. Moneygram said those in the dating market should avoid sending money to people that they like, and once someone asks for money it’s time to look for someone new.
12:29 – LA Weekly featured a story on a child porn ring bust. They wrote a manual and said you need to look for single women in their 50s who have young kids. One of the guys said he would just put on Adam Sandler movies to put the kids at ease.
19:32 – WeMetOnAPlane.com is Missed Connections for air travel. There are 4 simple steps to refind lost love: 1) Search for that special someone using your flight information. Are they also looking for you? If they have not posted their story already, share your story on how you met. Was it love at first sight? Share your story on Facebook and Fark and Twitter. Help us help you find them. Subscribe to get an e-mail alert every time your story is commenting on. It just might be them. Jah reads a post: DET-US BOS-US Date: Monday 20 Sept 2011 – You were a flight attendant. Delta 1622 from Detroit. Red hair. We didn’t actually meet, but you gave me an affectionate scratch on the shoulder to tell me to put my iPhone away. I loved your attitude and you seemed very unique. At your earliest convenience, please e-mail me back.
29:59 – In USA Today women were surveyed about picking their most disappointing holiday.
48:31 – Hot new business jargon that you need to be aware of if you’re in the workforce: core competency – a person’s strengths; open the kimono – reveal information; lots of moving parts – a lot going on; boil the ocean – waste time; leverage – manipulate or control a situation; buy-in – agreement on an action; shift a paradigm – yeah, you know.
3:29 – Woody Harrelson was doing an interview in the Los Angeles Times as he’s trying to get a Best Actor for the film Rampart. They sent out 3,500 screeners to academy voters so he could get that nod, but each one was defective and could not be watched. He can’t re-send them due to policy unless someone specifically writes back to the company that it’s a faulty copy. Seth says that’s not the reason he didn’t get the nod. The reason is because the film was completely ridiculous and unauthentic.
11:01 – Consumers filed more than 14,000 complaints in 2011 with the Better Business Bureau about alleged scams by auto repair shops. The BBB issued a bulletin recently suggesting consumers take care when getting cars repaired. Among the tips – ask friends or co-workers to recommend car repair jobs; get a written estimate of parts and labor before authorizing any work; get a receipt listing all work performed and warranties.
14:24 – We are due for a supercontinent to form within the next 50-200 million years. In theory this supercontinent will cover half a hemisphere of planet Earth. It will bury both the Arctic Ocean and the Caribbean Sea.
20:58 – February is National Canned Food Month
25:15 – The LA County Board of Supervisors has passed a 37-page ordinance concerning beaches in the Southland this summer. You are only allowed to cast, toss, throw, kick or roll either a beach ball or volleyball. Any other object will result in a $100 fine for the first offense, a $200 fine for the second offense and three or more will cost $500. The ordinance also prohibits digging any hole deeper than 18 inches into the sand, except where permission is granted for film or TV productions.
30:49 – The San Francisco Giants’ planned 2012 theme nights at AT&T Park: Polynesian Heritage Night, Chinese Heritage Night, Jewish Heritage Night, Italian Heritage Night, Irish Heritage Night, Filipino Heritage Night, Japanese Heritage Night, Garlic Fest, Brew Fest, Wine Fest, Singles Night, LGBT Night, Bay Area Colleges Night, Firefighters Appreciation Night, Law Enforcement Appreciation Night, Off-the-Cove Food Truck Night, and Bruce Lee Tribute Night with Bobbleheads.
45:27 – Although Seth has been in LA 16 years and not felt an earthquake, he’s told that they’re guaranteed to experience one in the next 16 years.
56:51 – A former California winekeeper is convicted of destroying 4.5 million bottles of wine in a warehouse fire. He was sentenced to 27 years in prison and ordered to pay $70 million to customers who lost their collections in the 2005 blaze. The dude is 63 years old and stored wine for 95 vineyards and thousands of private collectors all over California at his central warehouse in Vallejo, Calif. He had been embezzling wine – a little here and there – over the years. He thought he would burn the whole thing down and no one would know. Winemakers from Napa and Sonoma counties stored wine at the warehouse, which was a former submarine repair facility thought to be fireproof because of its incredibly thick concrete walls and floors.
7:54 – Last year was the first year they sold out of tickets for the Burning Man. They had 50,000 tickets and 80,000 people registered. If only four of the nine-man team get tickets, they’re screwed.
11:13 – In Lincoln, Neb., a Native American tribe has sued some of the world’s largest beer makers, claiming they knowingly contributed devastating alcohol-related problems on South Dakota’s Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. The Oglala Sioux Tribe of South Dakota said it is demanding $500 million in damages for the cost of health care, social services and child rehabilitation caused by chronic alcoholism on the reservation, which encompasses some of the nation's most impoverished counties. The lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court of Nebraska also targets four beer stores in Whiteclay, a Nebraska town near the reservation's border that, despite having only about a dozen residents, sold nearly 5 million cans of beer in 2010. Tribal leaders and activists blame the Whiteclay businesses for chronic alcohol abuse and bootlegging on the Pine Ridge reservation, where all alcohol is banned. They say most of the stores' customers come from the reservation, which spans southwest South Dakota and dips into Nebraska. A spokeswoman for Anheuser-Busch InBev Worldwide said she was not yet aware of the lawsuit, and the other four companies being sued — SAB Miller, Molson Coors Brewing Company, MillerCoors LLC and Pabst Brewing Company — did not immediately return messages.
19:44 – February is National Grapefruit Month
21:14 – An article in the Los Angeles Times shows a sign in a window in Shanghai saying THE DOUBLE-DOUBLE IS COMING. Seth thinks that when In-N-Out drops on China they’ll be blown away. But then he realizes it isn’t In-N-Out – it’s a company called Cali Burger that is American guys from California pirating all of In-N-Out’s ideas, colors and logos.
24:52 – NewsCorp bought Myspace in 2005 for $580 million. Last summer, they sold it to Chris and Tim Vanderhook – with a little help from Justin Timberlake – for around $35 million. The new Myspace wants to become the go-to internet destination for music and entertainment. This week they announced they had over 1 million new signups in the last 30 days.
32:31 – An Arizona police officer who fatally shot a man holding a baby has been involved in six other shootings since 2002. Officer James Peters was among officers called to a Scottsdale home Tuesday after neighbors reported a man holding a baby and threatening them with a handgun. Police chief Alan Rodbell said this suspect, 50 years old, opened the door with a 9-month-old baby in his arms but would not come out, so Jimmy Peters shot him in the head with a rifle. The baby was unhurt. All of these other shootings apparently were their policy.
34:32 – In Olympic Valley, Calif., on Feb. 10, 2012, Squaw Valley is officially opening the world’s first ski-in, ski-out Starbucks locations. On the mountain at elevation 8,000 feet, Squaw Valley’s new mountaintop Starbucks boasts spectacular mountain views and the unique ability for guests to keep their skis or board on while they order their Starbucks beverage of choice. “We worked closely with the design team at Starbucks to create a one-of-a-kind experience that we know our guests will truly enjoy,” said Andy Wirth, Squaw Valley’s president and CEO. “Nowhere else in the world can skiers and riders enjoy delicious Starbucks coffee without missing a beat on the slopes.”
50:56 – A local legislator in California wants to introduce a bill to prevent 911 calls from being made public. She wants to do this after the high-profile release of the Demi Moore emergency 911 call. She wants to call it “Demi’s Law.” She says that these calls should be treated as medical records and should not be released for any reason for privacy issues because everyone has the right to privacy. Unauthorized use of medical records is highly already illegal. Medical emergency calls should also be protected under this same statute.
56:42 – This Friday sees the release of Act of Valor starring actual Navy SEALs.
6:51 – March, which is Jah’s brother’s birthday month, is also National Frozen Food Month.
8:56 – There’s a possibility that Drew Barrymore is with child. There’s some paparazzo shots of her coming out of the doctor’s office with a sonogram in hand.
11:37 – Wednesday, Feb. 29 is the last day to remove your Google search history before their new privacy policy takes effect. If you would like, you may go to EFF.org, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, for tips and step-by-step instructions.
19:40 – Good friend Bubba Watson who bought the General Lee (Episode 308, 41:17) was scheduled to drive a parade lap around the track on Sunday, March 4 at the Sprint Cup Series at the Phoenix International Racetrack. NASCAR has rescinded the invitation because the car’s roof has a replica of the Confederate Flag which some fans might consider offensive. “The image of the Confederate Flag is not something that should play a role in our sport if we continue to reach out to more fans and make NASCAR more inclusive.” – some douche.
25:44 – Los Angeles has seen a rash of trash bins and recycling bins being stolen from in front of people’s houses on trash day. Those 30-pound bins can fetch as much as $9 each.
28:41 – There was an avalanche in Washington state that killed some people. They make avalanche airbag backpacks in case this happens to people.
35:59 – Logan Warren of Geek On Call (a low-rent Geek Squad) went into a Starbucks with a coupon for Any Drink Free (Episode 101, 39:14). He ordered a Trenta (Episode 258, 49:40) java chip frappuccino, add 16 shot, add a shot of soy, a drop of caramel flavoring, a scoop of banana puree, a scoop of strawberry puree, several vanilla beans, a dash of macha powder, a scoop of protein powder and a caramel drizzle and mocha drizzle on the top. It would have totaled $23.60, clocking in at the most expensive Starbucks drink of all time.
45:07 – Starting Monday, March 5, a new Los Angeles health regulation will require all LA porn performers to wear condoms. While on location shoots, there’s a loophole that allows filming without condoms on certified soundstages and outside of Los Angeles city limits. Porn generally became legal in LA after a 1988 state supreme court decision ruling that adult film producers should not be prosecuted under anti-prostitution laws.
6:45 – March is National Music In Our Schools Month
50:53 – The US Army has a new dietary program designed to promote healthy eating habits among its ranks. The new mess hall labeling system color codes its food. Healthy foods are green, moderate foods are amber and high-calorie, high-sugar foods are colored red. The program is called The US Army Soldier Fueling Initiative. A spokeswoman said, “We need to develop a brand-new soldier. We are taking former civilians and giving them premium fuel for the new soldier athlete.” Soda machines have been replaced with hydration stations. Posters throughout the training facility suggest that soldiers eat high-performance food.
53:32 – The Los Angeles Department of Public Health has a new policy effective immediately that allows dogs onto outdoor restaurant dining areas, assuming that the restaurant owner allows. The dog must enter patio areas through an outside gate. They cannot go inside, they must be on a leash, they must be well-behaved and cannot sit at the table.
1:46 – The month of March is not only Jah’s brother’s birthday month. It is also National Crafts Month.
4:19 – There is a middle school office worker who stumbled upon a female science teacher doing hardcore pornography. The article said her name had not been released, but it only took 2 hours and 15 minutes to figure out who it was. The school contacted parents and asked, through emails and letters, not to search internet sex sites for the teacher. Seth reveals that her name is Ms. [Stacie] Halas, who worked under the name “Tiffany Six.”
9:24 – Mexican tycoon Carlos Slim lost nearly $500 million this last weekend. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, who ranks second, closed the gap by only losing $100 million this last weekend. These daily financial gyrations in the net worth of the world’s richest people can now be followed daily through the Bloomberg Billionaire’s Index, which crunches numbers every day using a complex formula and releases the standings every day at 2:30 PST. Slim is worth $68.5 billion and Gates is worth $62.4 billion. Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffet is worth $43.8 billion. IKEA owner Ingvar Kamprad’s net worth jumped up 14% this year and he’s No. 4 in the world at $42.5 billion. 9 of the top 20 spots on the index belong to Americans.
13:22 – The miracle of life is a dream that leads to heartbreak for millions of couples every year. Couples have to ride the rollercoaster for months sometimes before doctors will even consider them infertile. Ovulation predicters and many other over-the-counter products are available to help women struggling to get pregnant, but statistics show that as many as 40% of infertility cases can be traced back to the man. There’s nothing available currently over-the-counter for men to check their fertility, but next month drug stores will start selling the Sperm Check Home Testing Kit. Studies have shown that men tend to be reluctant to seek professional help when couples have trouble getting pregnant. The test would allow a man to check his fertility in the privacy of his own home/study/porn dungeon. It’s expected to go on sale within the next few weeks at pharmacies such as Walgreen’s or CVS.
22:41 – The average drop last year for a gift from the tooth fairy was about 42 cents, bringing the gross national total for the worth of a single shed childhood tooth to roughly $2.10.
29:49 – Seth read an article that knocked him out of his chair. Norman Rockwell’s granddaughter is also an artist. She paints terrorists.
1:05:45 – Jah wants to know what’s up with “PMA” – positive mental attitude. It was basically a dude who wrote The Secret in the 1930s that told you how to get rich by thinking about it.
6:39 – As the tax filing deadline approaches, the IRS said consumers should watch out for scam artists who offer to help them obtain tax refunds through filing of bogus returns. In one common scheme, companies offer to help victims obtain a tax refund by seeking an American Opportunity Tax Credit, by claiming deductions for college tuition payments, even if the victim did not attend college during the tax period, the IRS said. In recent weeks, the IRS has stopped thousands of bogus refund claims using that fraudulent deduction. Even if someone else files the returns, taxpayers can be held liable for submitting false deductions, including penalties and interest.
14:23 – March is National Women’s History Month.
20:58 – In December, a Deadspin article profiled a hockey fan who is a big fan of advanced statistics. He created the SONA index – Sex Offenders Near Arena. He ranked NHL teams by the number of rapists, child molesters, etc., living by the teams’ homes. 5 of the top cities/teams are vying for the NHL Stanley Cup with the best records in the league. The #1 city is Nashville, whose mascot is the Predators.
22:38 – A Deadspin reader was watching the 1987 film Can’t Buy Me Love, in which Seth Greene pulls a Tebow. It’s weird because the film was released in theaters on Aug. 14, 1987 – Tim Tebow’s birthday.
34:59 – Six Flags Fiesta Texas has a rollercoaster called Superman: Krypton Coaster, which hold’s the current title of the world’s tallest loop, at 145 feet. Word on the street is that Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia will add a coaster called Full Throttle in 2013 that will laugh at the 145-foot-high loop record.
42:15 – USA Today reports the percentage of Americans who have tattoos is: ages 18-24 – 22%; 25-29 – 30%; 30-39 – 38%; 40-49 – 27%; 50 and over – 16%.
5:23 – The month of March is National Peanut Month
13:14 – Seth read an article about Jason Segal in the Calendar section of the Los Angeles Times and got mad jealous. The article stated that Segal lives so close to the Chateau Marmont that he gets free 24-hour room service delivered to his house in exchange for not complaining about any late-night noise from the Sunset Strip hotel.
18:10 – The Council of Fashion Designers of America have announced the nominees and honoress for their 2012 Fashion Awards Show to be held at Lincoln Center Monday June, 4. It will be giving out its Fashion Icon Award to a male recipient for the first time in its 50-year history. It is Johnny Depp.
3:30 – Baseball starts this week. This Friday, April 6, is the opening night of a Class A minor league game featuring the Frederick Keys (the affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles) based in Frederick, Md., and named after Star-Spangled Banner poet Francis Scott Key. They will be taking on the Salem (Va.) Red Sox, an affiliate of Boston. The Keys’ mascot is a coyote who goes by the name of Keyote. He will be portrayed on opening night by Seth’s good friend Nick Van Hill.
5:02 – The Baseball Reliquary inducts new members into its Shrine of the Eternals every third Sunday in July. This past July, it inducted Pete Gray – the only one-armed MLB player, who lost the arm in a Pennsylvania mining town when it was run over by a train. There are some other wacky players in it, including Doc Ellis. Last July, the original San Diego Chicken came out. Played by Ted Giannoulas, he gave a speech and told a dope story about being with the Padres. The manager, Roger Craig, was going crazy and took an eye chart and gave it to the Chicken, and said “Go up on the field and stick this in the ump’s face,” and he did it and the place went apeshit.
13:24 – Mind pops are the little thoughts, words, images or songs that suddenly pop into your mind at certain times and are totally unreleated to your current activity.
30:29 – An 83-year-old Long Island grandmother is suing Apple for $1 million after she broke her nose walking directly into a wall of glass that is the Apple Store’s door. Her attorneys said, “Apple wants to be cool and modern and have that type of architecture that will appeal to the tech crowd. On the other hand, they have to appreciate the danger that this high-tech modern architecture poses to some people.”
32:11 – Summertime warning – accidental ingestion of wire grill brush bristles that have found their way into grilled meat that was cooked immediately after a grill had been cleaned by the wire brushes.
37:59 – The Titanic: 3D premiere was held at London’s Royal Albert Hall. It was originally released Dec. 19, 1997, and made $1.8 billion at the box office. Avatar was released on Dec. 10, 2009, and made $2.7 billion.
44:53 – April is Keep America Beautiful Month
5:08 – Canada is getting rid of its penny this fall. It will be joining other countries such as New Zealand, Australia, Norway, Finland, Sweden and The Netherlands.
7:06 – The Elite Football League of India is going to start in November 2012. There will be 12 teams. Former Dallas Cowboys WR Michael Irvin is an investor, as well as Mark Wahlberg. Players will be paid around $500 a month.
17:39 – April is National Humor Month.
23:16 – Friday the 13th, April 2012, features the grand opening of Las Vegas’ newest and best strip club – Vince Neil’s Girls Girls Girls, where the only music you’ll hear is rock n’ roll. For $20,000 you can buy the Vince Neil Platinum Rock Star VIP Package, valued at priceless. It includes complimentary limo ride to and from the hotel, admission for 20 seating in Vince Neil’s private suite, private hostesses, 10 premium bottles of booze, $4,000 in dance dollars and a meet-and-greet and photo op with Vince including souvenirs and memorabilia.
27:48 – This Wednesday, April 11, Charles Manson, 77, will go before a California Parole Board for the 12th time seeking his freedom.
31:51 – Technology is enabling thieves to steal credit card numbers simply by swiping a small scanning device near a victim’s wallet, says the Better Business Bureau. The devices read information in chips that are contained in about 1/3 of all U.S. credit cards. The stolen information can then be used to make duplicate credit cards which are then used to make unauthorized purchases. The BBB suggests using wallets that block the scanning devices.
5:12 – If you have a gift card in your possession, you better use it. Billions of dollars are not being used in gift cards. You can go to Plastic Jungle, Gift Card Reserve or Card Pool if you want to exchange it. You can get some face value back on that.
10:17 – April is National Stress Awareness Month
12:04 – The Justice Department opinion issued last year said that the Wire Act of 1961, which bars wagering over telecommunications systems over state and national boundaries applies only to sports betting. Consequently, Illinois has become the first state to now sell individual lottery tickets online. Visitors to IllinoisLottery.com will be asked to register and enter credit card, social security numbers, date of birth, address and name. Must be 18 or older and purchases must be limited to $100 a day.
15:25 – Lil’ Boosie, 29, of “Wipe Me Down” fame, was born Torrance Hatch. He’s currently serving an 8-year prison sentence in Angola. He pled guilty to drug and gun charges. He’s going back to court later this month trying to avoid a life sentence on a murder charge.
34:15 – Seth congratulates Tony Romo and his wife Candice Crawford, who gave birth to a baby boy, Hawkins Crawford Romo, on April 9.
57:03 – Nashville-based Corrections Corporation of America, traded as CXW on the NYSE, is a company that owns and manages around 60 private prisons in the United States. It is the largest private corrections company in the entire country and generates over $1 billion in revenue every year. They have circulated a proposal to prison officials in 48 states that they will purchase any prison for $250 million with the guarantee that the governments in those states will maintain a 90% occupancy rate for at least 20 years.
7:03 – Mohamed Sanu, 22, is a wide receiver from Rutgers. He got a prank call during the first round of the NFL Draft telling him the Bengals were selecting him with their 27th overall pick. He started celebrating, then had the feeling of ultimate letdown when the Bengals selected someone else. He was eventually selected by the Bengals in the third round with pick No. 83.
10:12 – May is National Older Americans Month
11:14 – In corrections systems nationwide, officials are grappling with decisions about geriatric units, hospices and medical parole as elderly inmates—with their high rates of illness and infirmity—make up an ever-increasing share of the prison population. At a time of tight state budgets, it's a trend posing difficult dilemmas for policymakers. They must address soaring medical costs for these older inmates and ponder whether some can be safely released before their sentences expire. The latest available figures from 2010 show that 8 percent of the prison population – 124,400 inmates – was 55 or older, compared to 3 percent in 1995, according to a report released by Human Rights Watch. This oldest segment grew at six times the rate of the overall prison population between 1995 and 2010, the report says. “Prisons were never designed to be geriatric facilities,” said Jamie Fellner, a Human Rights Watch special adviser who wrote the report. “Yet U.S. corrections officials now operate old age homes behind bars.” The main reasons for the trend, Fellner said, are the long sentences, including life without parole, that have become more common in recent decades, boosting the percentage of inmates unlikely to leave prison before reaching old age, if they leave at all. About one in 10 state inmates is serving a life sentence; an additional 11 percent have sentences longer than 20 years. The report also notes an increase in the number of offenders entering prison for crimes committed when they were over 50. In Ohio, for example, the number of new prisoners in that age group jumped from 743 in 2000 to 1,815 in 2010, according to the report.
15:15 – There’s two boy bands that are hot right now – One Direction and The Wanted. The Wanted was put together in a massive U.K. audition. They’ve put out two albums. They have a member named Siva Kaneswaran, 23, a former model. He has a twin brother named Kumar. They both auditioned for the band but only Siva made it.
17:53 – This Saturday, May 5, 2012, will feature a full moon. The 138th Kentucky Derby will be held in Churchill Downs in Louisville, Ky. It will also be Cinco de Mayo and it will also be Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs. Miguel Cotto.
27:30 – D.G. Yuengling & Son is now the largest U.S.-owned brewer that makes all of its beer in America. Yuengling has now passed Sam Adams maker Boston Beer Company, according to new estimates from beer marketer Insights. Headquartered in Pottsville Pa., Yuengling is now eighth in U.S. market share with 2.5 million barrels – up 16.9% from last year. There are two U.S.-owned brewers that are larger, but they don’t brew it all within the country. Pabst outsources and Labatt’s is made in Canada. Jonathan has never had one of these and would like to drink one, since it’s President Obama’s favorite beer.
52:25 – As gas prices continue to rise at the pump, one gas retailer has found a way for consumers to look forward to filling up. Sunoco Craft Beer Exchange Program has been a hit with customers since it began as a pilot program in 12 locations in western New York in July 2011. The company expanded the program last fall across the state of New York and announced Friday it would be bringing the concept to South Carolina. “We decided to expand the craft beer exchange based on the success we had in multiple New York markets over the last six months,” said Wendy Lyman, Sunoco’s beverage category manager. The craft beer exchange allows customers to fill growlers of craft beer at the same place they fill up their gas tanks.
56:15 – Anheuser Busch has earned its spot as America’s top beer brewer in that it holds 47.7% share of U.S. retail beer sales.
1:14:21 – Singer-songwriter Roseanne Cash will wail an anthem called “Land of Dreams” while images of smiling Americans playing on the beach, running through fields of flowers and dancing in streets flash across the screen. These are among the images and sounds behind the nation’s first coordinated $150 million media campaign to promote the U.S. to travelers worldwide.
9:09 – May is National Blood Pressure Month
10:43 – Sunday is Mother’s Day, so don’t sleep on that.
45:10 – A Massachusetts town has made it legal for children as young as 14 to get tattoos. The Webster Board of Health this week voted to allow children ages 14-17 to get tattoos from licensed artists if they have written consent from a parent or guardian who aslo accompanies them to the tattoo parlor.
8:27 – Memorial Day is a time to honor those who serve and remember those who died during war. Sadly, it has also become a key opportunity for scammers to target those who are serving or have served their nation – especially elderly veterans. The BBB is urging consumers and donors to be on the lookout for deals that seem too good to be true and for disreputable charities. “The unique lifestyle of our service members makes them prime targets for scammers,” said Brenda Linnington, director of BBB military line. “It’s imperative that we educate our service members and ensure the support we give them equals the effort they make every day on behalf of us.” Linnington said scams can include those that target service personnel and their families directly but also those that appear to be helping military members via charities.
13:32 – There are a few sand sculpting competitions coming up – the AIA Sand Castle Competition in Galveston, the Cannon Beach Sand Castle Day Festival in Oregon June 8-10, Master Sand Sculpting Competition in Hampton Beach, N.H. on June 21-23, the New Jersey Sand Castle Contest in Belmar, the East Hampton Sandcastle Contest on Aug. 4 in Amagansett, NY, and the Clam Harbor Beach Sand Castle Competition in Halifax, Nova Scotia on Aug. 19.
20:57 – May is National Salad Month
31:47 – A stream of highly charged particles from the sun is headed toward earth, threatening to plunge cities into darkness and bring the global economy screeching to a halt. This is not the premise of a doomsday thriller. Massive solar storms have happened before, and another is likely to occur very soon, says Mike Hapgood, the space weather scientist at the Rutherford Appleton Laborarory near Oxford, England.
44:17 – In the hours before sunset on May 20, the first solar eclipse in the United States in almost two decades will be visible over the southwestern part of the country. From Medford, Oregon, to Chico, Calif., to Reno, Nev., to St. George, Utah, to Chandler, Arizona, to Albuquerque, N.M., to Lubbock, Texas, the sun will turn to a ring of fire.
46:53 – The San Francisco airport opened up North America’s first airport yoga room, just past security in Terminal 2.
55:35 – A company, The Maize, is the world’s largest corn maze family. They design enormous intricate mazes in corn fields. The average corn maze is 8-10 acres and it takes 45 minutes to complete. They started the company in 1996. They made more than 250 mazes in 2011.
1:00:31 – D’Avonte Meadows, 6 years old, was suspended from his Denver school because he told a girl, “I’m sexy and I know it,” a line from a popular LMFAO song.
]]>25:00 – Jah was at a Carl’s Jr. at 2:00 in the afternoon when he watched his car get stolen. Jah begged them to throw out his odd, super-rare recordings of Jerry Band playing.
42:38 – Story about the eczema dude at Starbucks (Night Latte). His friend Robert tells him to go into Starbucks and order a night latte, and the barista tells him he’s never heard of it. He asks another barista, Steve, who says he’s never heard of it. Jah notices that Steve has horrific eczema on his arms, and upon seeing the eczema, he realizes he has seen this Asian guy at another Starbucks. He says, “Hey man, I know you. You work at another Starbucks that I go to.” Jah is right, but simultaneously they both realize that the only reason Jah notices him is because of his raging eczema
5:03 – Seth is pissed that Starbucks discontinued its chantico chocolate drink. He went to get his Thursday double chantico and was disappointed
10:44 – Jah recalls having weird pre-adolescent fantasies about being Tony Danza’s character and boning both the mom and the daughter in “Who’s The Boss?”
42:15 – Jah was killing time today waiting to meet a gentlemen to drive his 1987 Buick Grand National. The car was being stored at an old lady’s house and she wasn’t hope so it was going to take a while. Jah happened to be next to his friend’s surf/skate shop place and he walks into the back and starts looking at surfboards. He hears two dudes talking to the dude that works there. Stores have marked old surfboards up about $400 because the new material is 15-20% more buoyant and people who have been surfing their whole lives are going to be completely irked by this whole process. Seth can’t believe that Jah just used the words “buoyant” and “irked” in the same sentence.
0:57 – Mrs. Larroquette insinuates that Seth has gay feelings for firemen
32:44 – Jah is having an upset stomach b/c he had a snickerdoodle from Starbucks. He walked up and ordered his gay drink—an iced venti soy vanilla latte—and two snickerdoodles. “Curse the asshole who named them that. You couldn’t feel like more like a schmuck ordering something than a snickerdoodle.”
2:23 – Someone came up to Jonathan yesterday, knowing that he’s a dog person, asking “Have you seen Eight Below? I mean, for dog lovers, it is so good.” Jonathan says that’s impossible because there’s no way Paul Walker could pull that off
13:52 – Jah goes to friend’s office while waiting on ’87 Buick Grand National; as he’s telling his friend the story, guy walks up to him and rudely interrupts him to ask where the bathroom is; interrupter turns out to be guy whose Grand National made Jah want to get one five years prior. Jah: “How crazy is that?! How crazy is that?” Seth’s reply: “John Cusack. Kate Beckinsale. Serendipity.” (16:08)
24:33 – Jonathan’s Mother Crab story – Jah’s buddy makes another guy go in the bathroom with a flashlight & tweezers, and shut off all the other lights to try to find the mother crab in his pubic hair so he can make all the other crabs jump off
45:27 – Jah begins to delve into getting grifted, talking about being sent creepy fake PayPal e-mails, then tries to explain Nigerian e-mail scams
53:14 – The last time Seth went to SuperCuts, his gay black stylist, DeVon, was mildly perspiring and just hacking away at his hair. Now he goes to a woman named Rose, who is the greatest. Jah gets his hair cut in Echo Park
3:26 – Jah got excited today because a fan of the show dropped an e-mail talking about how he liked the show and how he’s addicted to Black/White on FX. Jah replies with a 1-page e-mail thanking him so much for contacting them, and it turns out to be one of Seth’s old friends from college
15:48 – A good friend of Seth’s used to be in the county jail, and told him they used to watch episodes of Friends on KTLA and it would be a treat to watch such a funny show. Then the guards would turn the TVs off with 10 minutes to go in the show just to piss off the inmates.
26:11 – Jonathan was at a Whole Foods 4 days ago, and as he was pulling in he sees a woman who looks very familiar. He declares it’s categorically a celebrity sighting, but he can’t figure out if it’s Bella Donna or Asia Argento
39:13 – Jah spots K.D. Lang at a Whole Foods
55:28 – Jah had a friend whose dad was killed in a wrongful weed bust. They raided his house at 4 a.m., he came out with a gun because he thought someone was breaking in the house and they shot him dead in the living room
57:02 – Seth’s friend got a tattoo back in high school and wanted to get it off. He said he found a doctor who was going to remove it named Dr. Tattoff. Seth: “Do you mean Doctor Tat Off?” Jah: “This is a real person by the way.”
0:40 – Jah’s story about a friend in school whose mom would always put wax paper in his sandwich on April Fool’s Day
1:56 – Jah’s story about his horrible Thai massage experience. The place was empty. The showers were freezing cold. He gets into a tiny room, a sweet little lady who didn’t speak a lick of English had him lay down, then she laid towels over every part of his already clothed body. He couldn’t hardly feel her hands. There was a bright light piercing his eyes the whole time, and he declares it “absolutely dreadful.” He did, however, get a boner twice in the midst of it
10:47 – The day Seth got to L.A., Jah took Seth to the Winchell’s on Rossmore and Melrose and said “Breakfast like a king. Lunch like a prince. Dinner like a pauper.”
6:18 – In researching a supposedly bogus article about animated tattoos, Seth finally gets ahold of a southern belle woman on the staff to ask if there was a real article about this. She asks Seth what day the article was printed on, and Seth says “Fuckers!” and deeply offends her
23:16 – Jonathan goes into a convenience store to buy a Coca-Cola Blak, and sees an early-20s cute, hip girl walk in with a crazy fox fur wrapped around her neck. Jah wishes it’s fake but it’s fully real, and he immediately has a problem with this and wants to tell her what a moron she is. She walks up next to Jah at the counter, etc. Jah gets into his car while she’s getting into her car, but she gets into a brand new Prius hybrid. Jah’s blood starts to boil, because he thinks it shows some level of consciousness about those kinds of issues: “The thing you’re wearing, it was still alive when it was ripped off the animal straight Duke lacrosse team style.” Jah was about to say something to her but backed off
11:53 – Jah goes to eat with his lady at one of his local dives, Hugo’s – it’s packed, and Jah whispers, “I thought Jews didn’t eat.”
33:45 – Jonathan’s Rick Schroder paintball story (“It’s RICK!”). Jah was 13 years old; Rick and his dad looked like scrubs and Rick was being an asshole. Jah got shot in the neck and got the weirdest, bloodiest welt ever. Someone cut the head off a 6-foot rattlesnake and it scarred Jah
37:32 – Seth had his first raw salad at the world’s biggest Earth Day celebration at Woodley Park in Encino. He saw Jerry Cantrell and Josie Moran there
39:38 – Seth tells everyone to TiVo for April 22 at 4:35 a.m. on HBO to watch Living Dolls, the documentary upon which Jonathan and Seth first founded their relationship when Seth worked at Rocket Video in the early 2000s (Jah: “It was one of the first things you and I ever talked about as barely acquaintances at the video store before we really knew each other. You knew everything about it and we had just seen it and you of course had seen it 15 times already.”) Jah remembers that Seth had a cut-out of the main character, Swan, in a drawer. Seth thinks he had it on a t-shirt
1:00 – There was a whole parade of Priuses and a bunch of people protesting out by Jah’s house today, by a gas station. They were holding signs that said FUTURE FUEL, NOT FOSSIL FUEL and doing donuts in their Priuses.
9:56 – Jah’s dad busts his balls for not watching the Rosie doc on HBO. “My pops is giving me shit about having TV picks and not watching them.” (becomes a recurring theme with Jah as UYD goes on)
41:19 – Seth picked up his Spuds MacKenzie cozy in 1986 on his 8th grade Washington trip
44:45 – Jah’s parents put booze in his bottles when he was a kid to help him sleep
53:30 – Jah’s sister got bubonic plague from an insect bite on her lower abdomen when she was 17. It was really bad and wouldn’t go away
12:37 – Jah gets busted at the drycleaners stealing A&W root beer candies from the tray
21:05 – Jah gets an e-mail from his mother about the show in reference to Episode 011: Seth was on fire. … Stop saying that gay parents cannot adopt white babies, and say you’re sorry, even if you aren’t, to all non-white babies. … I never put liquor in your bottle – you wish. … Your sister did indeed receive a diagnosis of bubonic plague in high school.
31:25 – Jonathan’s Sidekick/Blackberry/Orphan story using a ringtone as a substitute for the Asian guy’s name. Jah jokes about calling dude’s parents to test out the phone, and dude’s co-worker says he’s an orphan. “How much can your dad bench-press?”
54:10 – Seth’s story about a big buff black dude walks into his work after coming out of an MR-2, comes in to buy some stuff. Woman leaves before him: Hey, how ’bout that tail that just left?
4:16 – Jah was on the phone trying to pay some bills and becomes irritated with the automated payment systems. Inevitably Jah begins speaking with inflections that he normally only would with a human. He gets pissed with the computer “tutting” at him and flat-out screams at the computer
13:58 – In Seth’s school, Mr. Bein brought him to the principal’s office, called Seth’s mom at work and made her cry when he said “Your son said he was going to kill Skippy Walker.” She had to come pick him up. Seth was distraught, but a warm plate of cookies made it all right
20:10 – Jah stopped going to the dentist for about five years. A few weeks ago Justine told him he was rank and he needed to get an appointment. He’s currently going through deep cleaning under his gums, which is extremely painful
33:48 – When Jah was about 17 or 18, he had a friend he played in a band with who worked at a guitar store. His friend’s co-worker at store was crossing the street on Christmas Eve and got hit by a car going 50 mph, he’s rushed to the hospital. Jah’s friend gets in his car and races toward the hospital, gets pulled over by a cop, tells the cop he’s going to the hospital b/c his friend might die. Cop says “too bad,” takes an enormously long amount of time writing him a ticket, friend gets to the hospital and his co-worker was dead
49:40 – While driving to the UYD studio, Jah spots an ’81 Volvo, headliner sagging, spitting black smoke out, iridescent glow coming from inside of car, dude driving with 8-inch monitor on dash, another one mounted in on the glove compartment
20:09 – Seth’s story about getting a salad at Leaf restaurant and spotting crazy hot insane lady (“Hello SATAN!”) Seth has eaten there three times a week for six months and has never spoken a word inside the building. Paramedic: “Which one am I here for?” Seth raises hand. (25:32)
38:10 – While at the mall, Jah spots porn star Mr. Marcus. Jah says “awesome” about something and Mr. Marcus looks at him and repeats “Awesome.”
53:47 – Jah sees a payphone the other day driving down Coldwater Canyon and said it was like finding an old Coke bottle dug up at a construction site. Jah’s cell phone was jacked up and he tried to call someone on a payphone from a supermarket, and the phone stank horribly
32:51 – Seth hears a trainer from N.Y. standing in lobby outside The DaVinci Code complaining: “He’s a swimmer in the book, he would have done a lot of cardio so his lats would’ve been way more defined than Tom Hanks.” Seth: “What?!!”
6:58 – Jah admits to seeing X-Men 3
18:39 – Seth is scared to death of mesothelioma from asbestos because he used to paint houses three summers ago with a good friend, David, who passed away from a cancer. They used to be at houses and scraping cottage cheese asbestos off roofs while listening to Arrow 93 and cranking up Boston.
27:48 – Seth’s old friend Dave Thistlewood brought the tape of “Straight Outta Compton” to second lunch when Seth was in high school – 12 Massholes in crazy Starter jackets sat around and couldn’t believe what they were hearing. At that point Seth knew he was moving to L.A. Jah heard it at a party and looked over his shoulder and was like ‘What the ….?’
54:07 – Seth’s friend Jay Frasca (sp?) nearly lost his face after Seth and his buddies threw a brick of M-80s and fireworks in a homeless barrel
54:46 – Jah’s sister’s boyfriend tried to build a roman candle, was making it out of a metal pipe and a shard of the metal pipe seared through his forearm and opened up his muscle
37:46 – When Seth was at the opening day of Passion of the Christ at the Arclight in the back row, he saw a man ruffling through his bag, then got up and left the bag under the chair. Seth thought of his mother, said a prayer and decided that it was all over for him
58:24 – When Jah was a kid, his dad was shopping for an RV, and the guy at the dealership told him a story about an Asian guy who spoke very little English buying the RV. After they explained cruise control with him, he drove the thing on the highway, went in the back and made himself a cup of coffee and crashed it
4:41 – Jah saw the Dead play in Tempe, AZ – tripped his balls off on mushrooms, bought a bootleg ticket that they spotted, then bumrushed the fence and fell down into a mudpit of hippies
6:00 – Seth was at Woodstock 2
13:20 – How many ticks has Jah pulled off his own body in his lifetime? At least 10.
54:11 – Guy behind Jah in line at Starbucks: “Yeah, I need a coffee. What are your sizes?”
0:20 – Jonathan leaves Seth a phone message saying, “Hey Seth, it’s Jonathan.”
6:04 – After Jah came inside her, he would get a searing headache and have to lay down
56:58 – Seth smoked once outside of a Grateful Dead concert at the Boston Garden b/c all the hippies were smoking and he wanted to fit in. Jah says that when you smoke too many cigarettes and get nauseous it is the worst stomachache and headache you could imagine
28:47 – Jonathan pissed on his own shirt the night before
29:55 – Seth’s buddies would go to open houses and steal prescription pills from medicine cabinets; Jah says he looked up a hot realtor, went to an open house in the Palisades and raped one about six months ago
42:31 – Fan refers to J-dog as “Baby Fielding”
22:06 – Jonathan recounts a tough four days in his life: pisses on self, forgets parents’ anniversary, forgets Amir Yaghmai’s birthday, makes wife Justine late for flight to NY, forgets one-year wedding anniversary, locks keys in own car w/ car running, A/C going and stereo on for 35 minutes.
42:47 – Jonathan finally got to go out to the American Girl Store and had a full panic attack. Jah said the second level sent him to a dark place. He really thought Seth was exaggerating but “it is the devil’s work.” Seth: “Oh it’s the devil’s handiwork when you see dolls lined up at the salon getting their hair done, getting manis and pedis.” Jah said they went into the café and it got even worse. The waiters were “begging me to throw them off the balcony.” What also made it worse is the moms were twice as into it as the daughters
44:20 – Seth was creeped out at the American Girl store because a couple moms looked at him like, What are you doing here?, “and I couldn’t express to them just because I’m crazy but the other guy I’m looking at is there because he’s… triple crazy. Like, that’s weird… that’s kind of a heavy coat you’re wearing and those are weird trousers. Why are you wearing weird glasses, man?”
8:42 – Seth recalls taking mushrooms at Greatwoods and seeing Soul Asylum, The Spin Doctors and Gin Blossoms
12:20 – J-dog hanging out with Brandon Tartakoff at 9 years old. “He was a very nice gentleman, and he left us all too soon. This show goes out to Tartakoff.”
25:00 – Jah has been on a run of reconnecting with people from his past, primarily high school people. He runs into a girl they went to high school with (never intimate), but he had a crazy crush on her (still very attractive). They bring up another girl that Jah used to go out with; Jah says that she liked him but he wasn’t a happy person, and the hot girl said “Well at that point I think we all liked you.” Jah pleads with all high school female listeners to tell the weird dude they hang out with (who definitely doesn’t have a clue) that they like him. “If I had had any inkling…. I couldn’t believe it!”
43:58 – Once Seth was wearing Cavariccis in Nashua, N.H., playing Gallaga and someone told him what a MILF was. That was the last time he needed to hear that
3:48 – Jah went to a camp with one of the Coors kids
32:00 – J-dog had tickets to the Bobby Brown/MC Hammer concert, was taking a hot girl but couldn’t go because people were getting stabbed for wearing Nike Air Revolutions
32:42 – Seth saw K9 Posse, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer at the Worcester Center
59:12 – Jonathan’s dad’s review of the show: Seth is hilarious but J-dog is an idiot on the show – it works, though
16:00 – Jonathan on the state beach in Oregon, sees wasted dudes driving Tundras going 65 mph and spinning out when the max speed limit is 25
26:00 – Jonathan rehashes Eczema dude / night latte story (Episode 001) – sees the eczema dude again in Portland, OR while he’s in town for his sister’s wedding, has full panic attack (Other barista at Starbucks to Jonathan: “It’s not Asian, it’s South Pacific.”)
5:39 – Jah hasn’t punched a wall since he was 13 years old and some girl broke up with him
26:25 – Jah runs into Gene Simmons and his stupid kids at a Humphrey Yogart
2:06 – Jah is on his way back from Hollywood on Houser, gets to a stoplight and sees a “rear-view mirror cute” chick behind her. She’s holding on to the steering wheel wearing wool Rocky gloves, starts talking to herself going crazy. She rolls down the glove and starts shaving her wrists with a Bic razor. Jah thinks it might be Morgellan’s.
22:02 – Seth’s friend John Buckley, working around the corner from the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market in 2003, hears carnage and destruction and runs outside with the guy he works with to see a triage unit after that old fool George Weller plowed through and killed 10 people and injured 63 others
5:49 – Seth’s friend from Israel got married at the Albertson Wedding Chapel on Wilshire Boulevard at LaBrea on April Fool’s Day. He had to pull him aside and tell him he’s not supposed to get married on that day. Seth had some crazy cocktails out of Styrofoam cups.
6:54 – Seth found out on the Sunday morning following the Saturday night when Notorious B.I.G. was gunned down; a buddy called to tell him
1:11 – Female voicemail caller Tara from North Carolina attacks J & S, calling them assholes and saying she expects something better on the outgoing voicemail
4:58 – Jonathan breaks pinky doing yoga, then names three separate yoga poses (Down Dog, Warrior 3, Warrior 2)
16:59 – Bag lady in Seth’s neighborhood wearing a Cruella Deville shirt tries to put a hex on Seth, then Seth flips the script on her: “I looked her dead in the eye and I was like ‘Oh you gonna put a hex on me? You gonna put a hex on me?” while holding a Diet Dr Pepper.
33:24 – A friend of Seth’s who doesn’t know much about the internet asked Seth, “Where is the internet?” Seth looked around at the other people who were laughing out loud, pointed at his heart and said “It’s right here.”
8:27 – Jonathan’s 7-11 story – debit card declined for $1.82. 7-11 Teller yells at full volume: DECLINED! Jah: “He looked at me after he said DECLINED! and had this awesome smile on his face like I was supposed to be into it with him, and I was so not into it with him because I was like dying.”
15:25 – Jonathan gets call from listener Tara (a.k.a. ohemgeeitsme), who wants to know why Seth doesn’t speak in the restaurant where he met the crazy chick – Seth never answers
28:09 – Seth had free passes to the Arclight and saw Boat Trip on opening weekend and saw Head of State the next weekend with peppered trenchcoat peeds throughout the audience
59:24 – Jah has been a vegetarian for almost eight years … had been on and off before … What got Jah to eat meat again was he drove through Jack In The Box to get a soda and fries, and he saw the picture of the spicy crispy chicken sandwich and couldn’t fathom leaving the drive-through w/o two of them in his car and he demolished them.
11:52 – At Survival Camp, Jah gets caught in the hills shoving a tub of Goober into his face after jacking it from one of the counselors
29:01 – Alan Jackson’s song “Chatahoochie” got Seth across the country from Boston to Hollywoodland. He moved out to LA with a dream in 1995 to do a podcast. He put his word processor in the back of his father’s Volvo, he and his two buddies Josh and Brian got in the Volvo and did some mushrooms. The song got real to them when they were in Tennesee on a bridge and saw a green sign that said CHATAHOOCHIE
47:22 – Seth’s story about having a Boba tea drink, getting shitrocked drunk at night and puking out the Boba beads that never broke down on some broad’s front porch
48:25 – Seth’s story about being at 3 of Clubs, covering a bathtub with 56 marachino cherries, being surrounded by 59 bottles of beer passed out on a couch, then having a night terror and knocking all the bottles on the floor
9:40 – Someone gives Jah their e-mail address: xxxx@aol.com…. Jah has a panic attack.
10:02 – At Jah’s job, works with two women who are filling in for others. One of women is ringing up a guy, swiping a brand-new Visa card 5-6 times backwards. Guy hands her a new card, Discover, backwards 6 times and says it’s not working. Jah almost explodes at her.
43:44 – Jonathan’s story about stupid guy in movie theater: "Eddie Murphy man, he fell off on that one."
Episode 35
14:03 – Jonathan’s story about his encounter with Steven Wright
18:14 – Jah was arrested when he was 16 and was featured in a National Enquirer as a TV star’s son getting busted. Seth tried to track down the archived edition from the Enquirer but the paper lost most of their stuff after the anthrax scare
40:28 – Jah was getting a burrito at Baja Fresh; spots a Hispanic woman with crazy glow-in-the-dark acrylic nails behind the counter, punches her in the face and calls her a stupid raver and leaves
12:04 – Jonathan’s story about being at dinner with two former film school tools who talk about Goodfellas and the Jerky Boys
26:58 – Jah saw one drunk priest as a Halloween costume one time; Seth also saw one who had a prop – a bottle of booze inside a Bible; Jah’s was with pants down and a fake kid affixed to his crotch
1:26 – Jonathan’s story about the full-blown adult Halloween candy burglar wearing a cape with a spider web on his cheek, who is demolishing the bowls of candy that Justine was monitoring by dumping them into a pillowcase
7:11 – Jah informs us about jimson weed, which grows rampantly in California and Arizona. You have to make a tea out of the seeds, but there is no recommended dosage b/c there’s a fine line between tripping your balls off and going temporarily or permanently blind or having full cardiac arrest. A bunch of kids in Jah’s boarding school did it in the dorms. One guy felt nothing, another got mildly weirded out and another was blind for 24 hours, writing chicken scratches on a piece of paper
9:19 – Jah spotted a kid at Phish show in ’92 who was wearing a homemade t-shirt that read “Let’s go Jimsoning”
10:28 – Jonathan cyber bullies Danny Noonan from the UYD website forums after he gave a list of “funny” podcasts like Nobody Likes Onions. Jah: “I cyber noogied him, actually. I cyber charlie-horsed him.”
13:06 – Seth’s grandma tried talking on a cell phone and then held it out like it was a dead bird
40:47 – Seth used to sleep over at his friend Ryan Hastings’ house every Friday night and watch Miami Vice. Ryan collected Smurfs and Seth hopes he still has them
41:07 – Jah sees a 6-foot-8 dude walking down the street with two stacks of Garbage Pail Kids wrapped in rubber bands trying to sell them – 20 minutes later he came walking back still holding both stacks
41:31 – Seth’s friend Peter Martellucci collected Garbage Pail Kids and said they’d be worth money. He called Seth “Bad Breath Seth” and told him he’d be worth money. Peter is the same kid who told Seth that even though he got voted for for “Cutest” in the yearbook awards, he would get uglier when he got old
43:12 – When Seth was a sophomore in high school, he went on a field trip into Boston and everyone saw Jordan Knight and went bananas
43:26 – When Seth was visiting home he heard Marky Mark’s “Good Vibrations” playing on the radio and rolled the window down on the way to Dunkin’ Donuts and was like, “Feel it! Feel it!” He is reminded that it is the best song ever.
57:34 – Jah babysat a kid and called phone sex lines from the home back in the 976 days – he never got caught
3:54 – Jah watched Amir smoke some type of sage called salvia with four other dudes and nothing happened to them
22:53 – Seth got on YouTube for the first time in his life and watched a Christina Aguilera video from five years ago
40:34 – Jonathan’s story about his road trip with Wally where they went to a huge Wal-Mart somewhere in the Dakotas – Girl in store: “Ooh, when I get paid, I’m gonna get me some of them Taz slippers.” (41:43)
0:53 – Seth put on weightlifting gloves and he, Stacy Church and Greg Burns drove his mother’s two-door Honda Civic to steal a BP sign from his best friend at home, Brian Peters
20:52 – Jah was having a conversation with a woman, who, after two hours of talking they realized they knew each other. She asked Jah how old he was and after he said 29, she says, “Oh, so you’re right in the throws of your Saturn return.” At this point Jah realizes he’s just about to enter his true beginning of adulthood
25:47 – Jonathan’s story about being caught by parents humping pillow and watching bodybuilding: “Oh… uhh, I was just waiting for the guys.” (resurfaces again at 43:18 – Jah: “I do this a little bit here and there and you don’t do it at all…” Seth: “Fuck pillows?”)
33:17 – When Seth visited California when he was younger he went to TCBY, and when he got back to Massachusetts he kept talking about it and pissing people off: Yeah, I was out in Cali. We were at a TCBY. It’s cool, it’s frozen yogurt dog, it’s fro-yo.
34:16 – The first year Seth’s parents visited him in LA they were wearing shorts, he told them he was getting local and he wanted them to cut the shit and wear Dockers. His dad walked from the 101 down Gower to Roscoe’s at midnight when Hollywood was not safe
36:09 – When Seth first got out to LA in September of ’95, he was talking to a cop who referred to “snowbirds,” the migratory idea that hookers leave cold states in the winter to come to the West Coast to trick
36:42 – Jonathan’s hooker story: “She was literally one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life.”
39:46 – Jah went to a crazy Montessori pre-school where the kids weren’t bathed because their parents were doing past-life transgressions and couldn’t rear their kids. Jah went to do the blacklight test and a filthy kid in front of him was getting examed right before Jah, they pulled back his jet-black hair to expose all kinds of white lice. He got so disgusted by it and was sent home because he had picked up a louse himself.
42:39 – Jah was at Starbucks and there was a dude outside opening his PS3 and showing it to the other dude. He thinks the one dude paid the other to go get it for him
51:05 – Jonathan’s story about pissing his pants during the Jackson 5 Victory Tour. The dad who took him wouldn’t let him go b/c Jacko broke into a solo performance, Jah pissed himself, the song ends and the dad takes him to the trough, Jah faux-pisses and gets a ride home in a limo with piss-stained pants
53:39 – Jah: “How are my childhood memories treating you this week?”
34:54 – Seth’s story about flying from Boston to LA with several Russians who he suspected were Chechnyan rebels.
35:33 – Jonathan’s story about Italian friend John who was interrogated at airport before trip to Europe
46:44 – Jah had a friend whose mother died and he had her cremated. He spent some time in prison, and had a jailhouse tattoo of his mother’s portrait on his chest, made using his mother’s ashes for the black pigment
29:19 – Jah was watching old footage of the Grateful Dead on YouTube, and was reading the comments from all the stoners. Some dude gets in and makes a joke about the Dead: Hey what did the Deadheads say when they ran out of drugs? What’s up with this crappy music? Jah goes to the dude’s page and he has two Vince Neal interviews tagged, along with two 14-year-old girls dancing to “My Humps.” Jah wonders why he’s trying to rile up these Deadheads
8:58 – Jonathan’s bank punishes his “misuse” by giving him an ATM card (no debit privileges) … the “DECLINED!” story is brought up again at 11:59
28:00 – Seth graduated high school in 1991. This guy Geno DeLuca had a cell phone and drove a Suzuki Samari. The cell had its own carrying case and he would be on it, talking at the football game and everyone was going crazy
32:33 – Seth hits his balls two weeks ago and has a flashback to 15 years ago when he was driving a mail truck down a hill and hit his balls
34:57 – On Monday (Dec. 4), someone said “Merry Christmas” to Seth and he yelled “Back at ya dog!” He feels like people shouldn’t even say that until the 23rd.
39:23 – Seth gave Jah the “Eyes of Tammy Faye” pin to Jah. The last time Seth went to Sunset 5 was with Bobby Bukowski to see that movie
54:06 – Jonathan’s story about meeting with commercial agents. Lady: “What’s your look? I just want to take out a pair of scissors and trim your beard.” Jah: “That wouldn’t be cool with me, I’m Muslim.” Seth: “Oh, what the fuck man!!”
3:00 – Seth got grifted on Beale Street in Memphis trying to buy a bag of weed off a homeless guy, who ran from him
3:10 – Stacy and Susan story – young Jah in Maui smoking fabulous herb with the locals. He makes the mistake of buying herb from Stacy and Susan in this other dealer’s house, and they vibe him out and give him some laced herb. Jah gets horrific lockjaw and is sitting there completely paralyzed for 2 ½ hours as they keep saying mean shit to him. He stumbles out of the house, other guy jumps in the back of a pickup and yells “Stacy and Susan!” as they peel off.
8:03 – Seth’s mom asks him why they talk about drugs nonstop; he says it’s because they haven’t done them in 15 years and they can’t stop talking about them.
10:18 – Jah got taken on the internet buying a piece of gear – there was no way the deal could have been right but Jah put his blinders on b/c he wanted it so bad. Guy’s name was Cam Lyman. The address he gave Jah was a used car dealership, and cop wouldn’t pursue it. Cost $2,000 of Mr. Larroquette’s money that he lent to Jah.
17:55 – In 1990 at Jenny Windell’s house Seth watched the Red Sox get swept out of the AL playoffs by the Oakland A’s; the only thing that got him through that series was drinking down some Robitussin
59:00 – Jonathan’s SUV story
10:51 – Jonathan’s story about finding hardcore porn in day laborer camps
29:34 – Jah looking for sneakers online and gets on a forum where all they talk about is retro Jordans. Everyone says “I’m gonna cop these.”
35:10 – Jah has pulled a tick off his lower armpit this week; his mom got him freaked out about Lyme disease and he was on a Lyme disease forum for hours. He thought he had a floppy mole but it turned out to be a tick. To teach the tick a lesson he went outside and ate the tick in front of all the other ticks.
42:58 – Jah’s friend asks if Seth really got an eye infection from his Bausch & Lomb Renu eyedrops. His buddy uses the same stuff and got a crazy eye infection from it, and he has a black spot in his vision from using them
51:47 – Jah went to Tijuana when he was younger and bought illegal weapons – switchblade, stiletto and butterfly knife and some crazy ninja throwing stars. Was with his friend and mom and friend’s mother in a Suburban, his friend pulled the butterfly knife out of his pocket and dropped it in the car and his mom found it.
1:00:14 – Seth takes $8.50, slides it to the teenager and says “I’ll take one ticket for Rocky 6.” Teen: “You mean Rocky Balboa?” Seth: “Call it what you want.”
50:18 – Jonathan’s Baja Fresh story (“I’m trying to order here!”)
54:07 – 54:07 – Seth was at the Hollywood Christmas Parade in 2004, sees Leo Rossi on a float going by and waving to the crowd: “Is that the rapist from The Accused? What the fuck are you doing in this parade?! It’s Leo Rossi from The Accused. And Leo looked me dead in the eye and he waved at me, and I waved back. I said ‘Hey! You’re the rapist from The Accused! Thanks for being in the parade!’ And then there was Peter Sarsgaard from Boys Don’t Cry. He raped, didn’t he? It’s a rape parade!” (story is brought up again in Episode 057 at 10:14)
5:46 – Seth’s child fascination when he learned about time zones was having something be alive and then flying it back in time and killing it before it was born
7:52 – Jonathan’s Sedona, Arizona UFO story. Therapist to Jah: “Do not investigate any further because you’re getting into something you don’t want to deal with.”
14:03 – Jonathan goes to a New Year’s party, sees a friend of his smoke a j-dog with Kelli Osborne. Also talks to another girl whose 34-year-old brother is going to Afghanistan because he feels that’s where we should have been in the first place
36:19 – Jah’s friend recorded Mike Madsen performing his crazy poetry while drinking a bottle of Jack Daniel’s as his crazy hot wife sat in the control room
37:28 – Jah is standing in the bank for half an hour, getting so frustrated, and then when someone at the window goes, “Hey I see you guys are real busy,” and Jah goes, “Yeah you wanna know why, because they hire mental retards here.” Jah thought it would expedite the process but it elongated the process and he left having not executed said task
42:57 – Jah saw the sun rise over the Grand Canyon and was disappointed in it
5:58 – Jonathan’s lotto ticket story. Instead of getting more lotto tickets, the scratch-off winner at the gas station asks for the money and says there’s no way he’s going to be lucky three times. Just as Jah is thinking that this is a pretty smart dude, the guy gets handed $2
12:09 – Jonathan’s story about getting pissed on by a 6-foot-8 dude riding a Ninja in the bathroom of an office building. Jah gets the spray from the urinal onto his leg. Seth: “So as you’re looking at his cock he’s smiling at you? This is an interesting story.” Jah: “Huge prick.” Seth: “Huge prick, too, you say. I mean you saw it. And he saw you and he smiled. I think it was a nice afternoon.”
17:48 – Jah says he hocked his Tony Gwynn 1974 Topps rookie card for weed when he was 15 years old. “It’s the one fact I would actually say I’m spot-on about.” Jah later retracts when he discovers that Tony Gwynn was a rookie in 1983. (19:32)
12:52 – Jonathan retells Rick Schroder paintball story from Episode 010 – Rick and his dad show up and the first person who calls him Ricky sets him off: “IT’S RICK!!” Jah also explains that there’s a limit on how fast your gun can shoot. He shows up and he’s 11 years old, but everyone else is 30. They would clock in, then find bunkers and field strip their guns and tweak them up to where they shot really fast. Jah got shot at point-blank range in his throat, the only piece of his body that wasn’t covered. It looked like a volcano on his neck for two weeks, oozing like crazy. Schroder’s dad killed a rattlesnake with a giant buckknife, cutting its head off.
20:39 – Jah knew a guy who got busted in San Francisco—another hotbed for medicinal marijuana cards—for weed. He got pulled over by a cop and was searched and the cop found half an ounce of weed. The cop literally threw the weed back at him and said “get a fucking card!”
25:04 – Jah watched the Playboy Channel in weird wavy lines on the TV since his family didn’t subscribe to it, he would see an ass or a tit come through occasionally and still got off on it … Seth watched the Tyson-Douglas fight the same way at Mike Bevalaqua’s house
25:46 – Seth was in Starbucks and saw a girl he knew but didn’t remember her name. He started making small talk with her and her friend about their crazy phones and the things they were doing with them. Seth’s phone rang with the default Verizon ring and he just reached in his pocket and turned it off. So Seth calls Verizon to try to get a ringtone because he wanted “Throw Some Ds,” but he was asking for a ringback (when someone calls you and hears music instead of dialing) because he didn’t know the difference, but he couldn’t get that because his phone isn’t capable of that technology. Seth looked into getting a new phone but he’s locked into a contract. Seth recalling conversation with Verizon representative: “You’ve got that phone through like 2010. What?! Yeah, you signed a contract. Where?! At the Beverly Connection. She had like the date and the time! Like did I really? That was a really shitty signature I did then, to lock me into this awful phone. She couldn’t even give me a ringtone. … How’s 2002 treating you? It’s treating me pretty good!”
1:01:23 – Seth is wearing hospital scrubs because he and Jonathan went out to a coffeeshop last night and Jonathan was wearing an embroidered Quiksilver sweatshirt that he was given for Christmas. Jah admits that it’s the worst item but it’s so comfortable that he has to wear it
11:24 – Dr. Flynn put a finger in Seth’s butt when his appendix burst. Seth ate a pint of Cherry Garcia and woke up with a wicked stomachache, and drove himself to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank in his bucket seat Datsun 280Z because his roommate Bowman was asleep and he couldn’t wake him up
12:59 – Jonathan’s prostate exam story (gay joke while finger in butt)
53:33 – Seth’s sandwich artist, Gerson, looks just like Oscar De La Hoya
24:32 – Jonathan’s LA traffic story – leaves Dad’s house at 4:15 p.m., gets home at 7:30 p.m. (normally a 20-minute drive)
31:15 – Jonathan’s horrific car accident story. He was 19 years old, driving one lane from the far left lane. Woman pulls onto the on-ramp, cuts over, car was coming, she realizes this and cuts hard right, car cuts sideways away from Jah, overcompensates, comes back the other way across the freeway and Jah t-bones this lady in a two-door 1986 Tercel at 80 mph and lets Jesus take the wheel. Jah sees the car spin around, fly across the freeway and go over the hill. Jah’s GMC Yukon was totally jacked up; his front bumper and engine went down into the car, both of his tires explode and cave in. Jah thought for sure she was dead, but he sees her climb up over the hill in a McDonald’s uniform and had an enormous welt on her head. Jah looks over and sees his girlfriend from high school standing there and she asks Jah why he didn’t see her. She said Jah just looked at what was happening and simply threw his arms up
6:33 – Mike Maylott took Seth’s head and put it in the snow and gave him a whitewash while Seth’s childhood buddies Brian and Jack ran off on him
20:09 – Jonathan’s story about getting hustled. He pulled into a gas station, went inside and noticed a woman standing outside. As he came out she walked up to him and said her truck broke down. Immediately he suspects a hustle. She says she’s out of gas, then points to the U-Haul truck by the pump and says she has to get back to Thousand Oaks. Jah agrees and puts his Debit card in, then the lady says she came from Chula Vista and she’s on her way to Eureka. He tells her to tell him when to stop. He stops at $20, puts the pump back in and she’s driving off while Jah is standing there like an asshole. He decides that he’s OK with getting taken because he’ll buy anyone gas
36:35 – Jonathan and Seth were watching Minority Report at the Arclight when man stands up in theater: “Shame on you Spielberg! Shame on you!” Jah did the same thing during Norbit, he yelled “You fell off Eddie! You fell off!” Then he had to come back into the theater and clarify that he meant Eddie Griffin, not Murphy
1:32 – Jah saw a dude today wearing a t-shirt that said I’M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. I’M A DRUNK. DRUNKS GO TO MEETINGS.
1:53 – Seth saw a bumper sticker on a back of a pickup truck today that said COWBOY BUTTS DRIVE ME NUTS. “Get er dun!!!”
23:54 – Seth saw Eddie Feigner pitch at Haverhill Stadium when he was a boy. Saw him get blindfolded at second base and kneel down and throw a strike across the plate
48:15 – Seth saw Con Air at the Cineramadome, got home that night and he and his roommate John Buckley had to throw out their crystal meth roommate, a redhead Irish girl from Chicago. “I had to take her shit and throw it out of my house. What are skis doing in my closet?!”
5:36 – Jah had a friend who did DVD authoring for porns where he would chop the movie into chapters. At first he said it was the best job ever, then a month later he had to get out of the job because it’s the worst and all you see is meat
17:58 – Jonathan’s friend who used to be a Catholic used to give up reruns of Laverne & Shirley for lent
40:52 – Seth remembers watching Game 5 of the Lakers-Celtics NBA Finals in 1984, known as the “Heat Game” because there was no air conditioning in the Boston Garden (game time temperatures over 100 degrees in June). Seth and his parents watched the game from their back porch because it was too hot to be in the house, they ordered Mexican food from Pedro Diego’s and Seth bit on a screw that was in his food
51:25 – Jonathan knows a guy who is a hypnotherapist, but every time he sees him he keeps trying to convince Jonathan to get hypnotized so he can quit smoking
1:20 – UYD listener gets pulled over in Blythe traveling 110 mph listening to UYD
22:21 – Seth references the Haro bike he got for Christmas when he was a kid – front pegs, back pegs, full 360-degree handlebars. “I’m going to name my first son Haro. Haro Romatelli.”
30:32 – Jonathan got a letter yesterday that he was in collections for a $1,000 bill for a Home Depot card account that was opened up in a city he doesn’t live in. Jah calls collections agency and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Collections implies that Justine opened the account, which Jah dismisses. Jah dismisses an ex-girlfriend because he’s been with Justine for nine years. They ask if he’s ever lived on Tower Road in Denver Colorado, they had his SSN and everything. Jah made the lady laugh on the phone, calls Citibank, has to go to a police department and fill out a full report. Police said he wouldn’t get his affadavit for 3 weeks because they’re so backed up with ID theft cases. Jah warns that people will still target dudes w/o money because they can open up new lines of credit on you
4:34 – TWEEEINS!! Seth’s story about guy he used to work with at Paramount who would drive around on a golf cart, pull up next to hot women with large breasts and say “Show me the tweeinns!” Dude was covered in tats, in a gang in LA, smoked crystal and lives next to Gedde Watanabe.
24:52 – Jonathan talks about the two times he had sex in a pool – he wound up farting out chlorine water, and it sucked and nobody came
32:54 – Jonathan’s John Popper story. He practiced harmonica a lot when he was a youngster. Blues Traveler came to LA several years ago to play at the Wiltern, and Jah asked his father to flex a little bit of his celebrity muscle, and Mr. Larroquette drummed up some sweet tickets and backstage passes. Knowing this was coming, Jah took out a couple weeks to draw a pencil-and-charcoal 8x10 portrait of John Popper in full harmonica solo in his high school art class. It turns out to be an amazing show. Jah’s dad came with him, at the end of the show they go backstage, a PR person grabs them and it’s on. The door opens and they’re with the entire band. Jah says “I have something for you” and hands him the picture. Popper is in disbelief that Jonathan made it. He says he’s going to hang it in the bathroom of his 1800s farmhouse so he can see it all the time. Popper says “let me give you something” and hands Jah a Honer Special 20 harmonica. Jah starts blowing right in front of him, Mr. Larroquette tries to put a stop to it but Popper says it was really good, then sits with him and gives a 5-10 minute harmonica tutorial
38:07 – Jah met John Popper again 2 years later. Popper wasn’t very nice to him because he was on a press junket. On another meeting, Popper says he still had the picture hanging in his house
9:06 – Seth got a phone call today from someone very angry at him that they didn’t have his e-mail. Seth: “You don’t have it, because I don’t have it.”
10:20 – Jah was in his apartment at Park La Brea when he found out Biggie was shot down on March 9, 1997; Seth was on North Beachwood – he got a call on Sunday morning from his friend Nick Lang, because Seth was at Nick’s house, which was around Crescent Heights and Wilshire, and Biggie got shot at Wilshire-Fairfax
11:07 – When Tupac died Sept. 13, 1996, in Las Vegas, Jah was on the set of The John Larroquette Show, a guy on the show named Daryl “Chill” Mitchell was supposed to go to the fight with them but couldn’t because of the show. Mitchell would’ve been in the car with them. Mitchell is now paralyzed because of a motorcycle accident
13:34 – When Easy E died, Seth was driving east on Sunset Blvd. at Highland by Hollywood High School, he was listening to Power 106 when they said it and he looked up and saw the Hollywood sign and put his head down to pay his respects
14:15 – Seth tipped a 40 when Dave Thistlewood played NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton” for the first time as they sat around a lunch table and their jaws dropped. For the next 9 months they wore Raiders jackets and hats and only listened to it.
14:47 – Seth re-hashes his TCBY yogurt story from Ep. 39
36:38 – Jonathan’s Filipino bowling story. Jah got into bowling and was about a 150-160 average, got put on a ridiculously good team, changed his stroke and started tanking to about a 75-80 average. One guy on the team gets smashed one night and just rails on Jah, so Jah calls the next week and makes an excuse so he won’t have to go anymore.
47:51 – Jah gets further into his identity theft situation – they not only opened up the Home Depot card account, but a Sam’s Club $300 credit account a year ago
10:53 – Jonathan’s Hollywood Christmas parade story centering around his father – When he was on a show called Baa Baa Black Sheep, he and his friends in the cast are riding through the parade in a ’50-something Buick convertible with the Pioneer Chicken kid (wearing a big chicken costume), Mr. Larroquette and his friends get hammered on Jack Daniels and get the Pioneer Chicken kid drunk too; they start punching the Pioneer Chicken kid and huge chunks of the paper mache head are falling off and they’re throwing them. At the end of the parade they decide to go to the Magic Castle (members-only club for magicians and fans of magic) with the Pioneer Chicken kid. In the Magic Castle they start an alltime historic foodfight, Mr. Larroquette is banned from the Magic Castle, his membership card revoked and told to never go there again. Years later when he was on Night Court they sent him a lifetime membership, which he turned down.
23:41 – Seth’s story about cell phone guy during Shooter at the Arclight
37:27 – Jonathan’s story about being at Whole Foods store in line with crazy stupid woman, thought she was singing “Video Killed the Radio Star,” but she’s really mumbling to herself: Yeah, it’s the only bars that fill me up, and the great thing about filling me up is I can’t not eat. Granted, I am going to incorporate exercise into the diet soon, but if I can shave 200 calories off the diet that’d be great. Her card keeps getting declined and she’s like, Well I have $1,400 in my account. They’re probably freaking out because I just bought a laptop. She took 15 minutes in the express lane.
46:04 – The last time Jah got a peace signal from someone he was on his way to the UYD studio last week. He pulled over a little to the left because he saw a motorcycle coming down the middle row, the biker flashed Jah the down-low riders-only peace sign
47:21 – The greatest thing Seth ever got was from a friend of his named Sam Ball – at the beginning of the anthrax scare it had Seth’s name cryptically written with no return address. It was a burned Anthrax CD with a note that said YOU HAVE ANTHRAX.
7:22 – Jah got duped into seeing Shooter after Seth fully endorsed it the week before. Jah: “It’s pretty bad. It’s Rambo 3, basically.”
18:59 – Jonathan’s Fabolous story. His friend worked at a record store in the hip hop section. Guy came up to him and said “Hey, I don’t see the Fabolous record. Where is it?” Friend says, “I don’t know, we might be out of them. Just get the Jah Rule record, it’s the exact same thing.” Looks up and the man talking to him is Fabolous
1:00:25 – Jonathan’s story about convincing girls as a teen to raw-dog because he smoked the seeds and was shooting blanks
1:31 – Jah receives the following text message: OMG. LOL. UYD.
24:13 – Seth’s little league team’s first four batters were lefties: Kevin Fitzgerald leading off b/c he always got on base, Seth hit second because he could drag bunt, Brian Snow third and Sean Gurten hitting cleanup
28:21 – Jonathan’s story about group of brothers at club holding an empty bottle of Cristal, passing it around and taking pictures
44:02 – Seth watching Grindhouse at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, guy in back of theater yells “Overboard!!” when he sees Kurt Russell… later, says “Your Name’s Cash!!”
45:03 – Seth is standing on Hollywood Boulevard and sees a black Shrek, Freddy (gets up in Seth’s grill) and Jason, Pinhead, Michael Jackson, Superman (Christopher Dennis – crystal meth addict) and Jack Sparrow
48:25 – Seth is enthralled by watching Maury Povich’s fat babies segment: “You Al Qaedas can have your 70 virgins. I want four 100-pound 2-year-old babies pushing each other. One baby is so fat she carries a purse to keep food in it.”
50:27 – Jonathan’s story about fat mom and daughter at gas station – paranoid mom snaps at Middle Eastern woman behind counter: “I heard what you said…”
4:24 – Jah was buying Easter candy at a Target which was a melee the day before Easter. Two girls came in with crazy super butch shaved flattops with shit carved into the head, and both had hip-hop Insane Clown Posse t-shirts with the fruits Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope in their gear
5:54 – Seth had a rough Friday the 13th. He woke up and had a flat tire. Talked to his mother later in the day and she had a flat tire on the front driver’s side as well. Before Jonathan arrived he had a full allergic Will Smith Hitch reaction to something, so Jah had to bring him some Benadryl. He left a message for Jah: “Jonathan, my lungs are shutting down. I just want to tell you this. I love you and UYD 4 Life.” He also forbade Jah for carrying on the show without a dead Seth
13:58 – Seth and Jonathan talk about failing at the lemonade fast – Seth lasted seven days and Jonathan lasted eight hours. Seth watched Team America on day 6 and was laughing so hard that he told Jonathan to stop laughing because it was exhausting him too much
41:07 – Seth celebrated Earth Day with Jerry Cantrell and Jonathan two years ago at Woodley Park. Jah recalls an all-white reggae band playing at that event
54:26 – Seth’s story about doing market research for a bad Michael Madsen procedural Suspects – people who don’t know how to turn the damn dial left or right. People are laughing out loud at the worst parts. Seth: “Guy next to me, nodding like this is awesome. No it isn’t.” Last one Seth went to before this was for Naked Juice Drinks – he had to go up to a board with 12 of their different drinks and pick his 3 favorite. Seth: “Every single person put Naked Green Machine, Naked Pomegranate. You stupid assholes!” (1:00:22)
58:20 – Seth sees Johnny Drama and E smoking butts and drinking Heinekens, laughing and clinking bottles at the back door of one of their screenings
6:43 – Seth met MLB pitcher Barry Zito at his old job where Alyssa Milano would bring him in for nutritional counseling. Seth tells him he’s a baseball fan and so Zito thinks he can relate to this: “Yeah, you know when you’re in Cleveland in the dugout and they serve that awful food?” Seth: “Umm, yeah, I hate the food in Cleveland’s dugout – what the fuck are you talking about?!!”
16:52 – Seth’s Psychiatry Museum story – the crazy Australian Scientologists try to lock Seth. When Seth comments on the Dante-esque door and says it’s a little scary, the guy says “Yeah psychiatry is scary.” Seth: “The door, dick.” Seth signs in as a professional podcaster. The room themes he sees in the museum are: 1) padded psych room, 2) dungeon, 3) Nazi concentration camp, 4) racism, 5) electroshock therapy in a hospital ward, 6) Columbine HS, 7) jail cell with peed psychiatrists. They were wearing the full hypnosis outfit – khakis and denim, the same reason Seth can’t handle going into a Restoration Hardware (24:38)
19:30 – Jonathan and Justine and Seth went to some dude’s house to eat vegan food a while back but they were sure they were going to get killed – they called and left a message on their answering machine telling people where they were in case they died. It ends up being the best thing ever
44:13 – Jonathan’s story about singing “Our God Is An Awesome God” at a Presbyterian church lock-in. Jonathan went to bring flowers to a girl from the church with great legs at a production of Madame Butterfly a couple days later and was totally rejected by her
49:05 – Seth references the “Fag Test” where you put your wrist out, somebody takes a sharp object and dug in, whoever could leave it there the longest without pulling it away won
50:19 – Jonathan did similar tests where he got cigarette burns from waging friendships; lay forearms side by side and lay cigarette in crux of two forearms. His seventh-grade girlfriend got obsessed with Sid & Nancy and carved S&N into his arms and it got infected. (two weeks later singing Our God Is An Awesome God at the Presbyterian church)
54:51 – Thieves snapped the year of Seth’s license plate to put the sticker on their own registration in 2003. Seth went to the DMV, the lady threw the plate in a box with 10 others that it had happened to. Seth’s ’77 Chevy Cheyenne had cablights and old license plate, but got the new license plate with the cursive California. On top of that, he got pulled over on New Year’s Eve for having colored cablights, wakes up on New Year’s Day and there’s already a ticket from LAPD on his windshield. He finally brings the truck to the Armenians’ truck, and he just gives it to them – and leaves his bootlegged Guns n Roses tape in the tape deck from when they played the Avalon in 1987
5:31 – While Seth is doing pre-pro, Jonathan accidentally calls Seth while his Blackberry is in his pocket and he is talking to someone about his identity theft problems, etc. Seth also explains that Jonathan is one of those tailenders who finishes up a conversation with another dude and then comes in to the current phone conversation. After 10 seconds Seth realizes he isn’t tailending it, he accidentally called
7:08 – Jah had accidentally dialed Seth when Jah was in the middle of a full therapy session. Jah heard a tiny little voice coming from his crotch area and panicked. Seth could hear crying from the Jah-man
11:00 – CVS overexposes film from Seth’s disposable cameras. Seth is pissed that he loses 27 phenomenal photographs. Jonathan thinks that Seth is one of 3 people still in that world who develop disposable camera film. He thinks the CVS people aren’t even trained to handle the machines. (12:11)
14:18 – On Mondays Seth goes to his supermarket and reads his Newsweek. It doesn’t get delivered to his house until Tuesday but it’s on newsstands on Monday, which makes him furious. He reads it in the Pavilion on Melrose by the bathroom
16:48 – Seth was at Sunset Junction last year and there were people getting chiropractic work done there
0:51 – Jonathan has seen Radiohead three times and it’s changed his life twice. He saw Radiohead at the Greek Theatre – Jah was working at a music store at the time and had scalped tickets. Lead singer Thom Yorke walks in the music store and talks to Jah about some of the gear. Jah tells him he’s a huge fan and Thom said he’d put him on the list, and he writes down Amir’s name to have a ticket waiting for him. Stage manager comes back with wadded-up piece of paper to get Amir in. Five minutes later Radiohead walks on stage. “Best show ever. Changed my life.”
9:38 – Jonathan’s story about being discovered as “The Wizard” after he had gotten clean
26:19 – Somebody was talking to Jonathan about drinking a 40 and Jonathan wondered where you would even get a 40 – he suggested you’d have to order them off the internet and can’t remember the last time he saw one. It took Jah a half-hour to park and he saw four people getting arrested right there
26:45 – On Sunday, Seth saw dudes down on the ground, cops on them with guns drawn at 3:30 in the afternoon. Jah: “Somebody buy this show so we can get Seth out of here. My car’s days are numbered here.”
47:47 – Jonathan’s hilarious road rage story with a WWII vet: “I wanted to rape him.”
52:35 – Seth watches the documentary Zoo, where a group of dudes bone Arabian stallions. Jah quotes Seth: “A giant San Francisco cock isn’t enough for you? You need to get fucked by a horse? Some giant double dildo huge huge gay human cock isn’t enough for you that you got to be fucked by the horse?”
1:01 – Jah was straight edge for a while. He put an "X" on his hand. He didn’t smoke, drink, eat meat or fuck
49:33 – Seth was a junior in high school and remembers the hallway he was in when he saw a kid wearing a COWABUNGA Bart Simpson t-shirt and was wondering who that was
52:40 – Jah is a Lost watcher, which he doesn’t talk about. During this week’s episode his HD signal messed up and he called around to ask friends to TiVo it, but someone finally tells him to just download the episode from iTunes for $1.99
0:55 – Bank of America guy on phone with Seth tells him to “wait until the witching hour” for his transaction to post
2:04 – Seth is at The Dressing Room in Sherman Oaks (5 ingredients of a salad free, then 0.65 for each extra ingredient), where he goes in under the alias ‘Jack.’ Never thought he’d get a better celeb there than Jessica Simpson. He’s there on Tuesday when in walks Jamie Luner, then Heather Langenkamp walks in and they’re talking (both were in Just The 10 Of Us)
6:42 – Jonathan talks about going onto JeffBridges.com and reading the weirdo Brit posters on the message board
24:43 – Last summer, Seth punched the wall and screamed at Mother Nature because of how hot it got for a six-day stretch in L.A.
27:40 – Seth’s story about going to Rose Bowl Flea Market, seeing Jason Schwartzman in an Oxford shirt and khaki shorts. Sees a lot of tan people with yin-yang tattoos. Dude selling open used VHS movies – Metro and Little Nicky, 2 for $5. Nazi necklaces - $15. Jonathan would go there and buy all kinds of dremel bits that he’ll never use
33:46 – Seth goes to the set of The Half Hour News Hour to watch his friend Kurt Long tape the show and do rehearsal, etc. Seth is eating Cheetos and there’s a weird jittery dude eyeballing him, Seth kind of ignores him. Two other dudes were working on a cable and were going to cut it but didn’t have a knife. Jittery dude goes “Neither one of you guys have knives? You’re obviously not married!” Seth looks at Kurt, who explains that it’s the warm-up guy and he’s the worst ever, that he told a joke about NSync working at Burger King and saying “Fries Fries Fries!” Seth runs back down to the set to hear the dude telling some of his wack jokes: What’s your name? Matt? I got one of you on my front porch? Jim – snap into a Slim Jim. Bob? Jim, Bob – Hey Jim Bob, I married my cousin! … Did you see the news today – they actually captured Osama Bin Laden. He was hiding behind Angelina Jolie’s lips! Seth observes that there is another thing sitting in the crowd that they don’t know where it’s a man or a woman. Jokes continue: I almost didn’t get here, I drive a Ford Tortoise. It goes 0 to 60... eventually. I used to drive a Dodge Neon. You know why they call it a Neon? Knee on the wheel, knee on the dash, etc.
40:39 – Jah also used to see several wack warm-up dudes when he would go to tapings of Night Court. They would figure out who Jah was and he was automatically the volunteer
1:45 – Listener Christine (insurance adjustor) tells of crank caller: “I got an injury. Mack Butts. Show me your tits.”
10:30 – While at Hollywood Park, Seth overhears a dude saying “Yeah, he fucked an Arabian stallion, it was on the news.” Seth is tempted to chime in on Zoo but holds off after he hears the 60-year-old female bartender say “Better hold on tight.”
13:41 – Jonathan being an asshole during his private tour of Sony Theaters with wife and in-laws: “…Yeah, you know, it’s like back when I was on the Night Court set… I was a lot kid.”
30:05 – Jonathan admits to going to a tanning bed to get a base tan for his trip to Hawaii after Seth calls it exactly
37:15 – Jah saw Seinfeld the other day driving his crazy blue Porsche in Sherman Oaks, Seth got Justin Chambers driving
1:34 – Seth used to have Varnays back in eighth grade, he also used to have, he also had chums that he would wear as a necklace. He also had a Pop Swatch and would take the faceplates off and put them down on their crotches
10:27 – Jonathan retells the story of the guy walking by with a stack of Garbage Pail Kids, 20 minutes later walking back out of the comic book store with the same stack (originally told in Episode 037, 41:07)
19:53 – Jonathan was in a sketch with Jon Lovitz. His dad was hosting Saturday Night Live so he went to New York with him, and the producers put Jah in a sketch. Lovitz was playing Picasso in a restaurant and his punchline was “I’m Picasso!” Jah played a kid doodling on a piece of paper, and shows it to Picasso, then Picasso signs it and makes it worth something. Jah got a $358 check for the sketch. Randy Newman was the musical guest.
27:18 – Jonathan’s story about going to Topanga Days. He explains there was still some allure from the 60s and 70s, then there’s just this other element that’s just the tired, run-down, sad and forgotten and sun-drenched and booze-ridden ex-hippies. It cost $15 for admission. John Doe was playing on stage by himself, and Jah says he did the shittiest Joni Mitchell cover. Jah sees dudes he used to see around back in the day who are still doing the same thing and drinking like crazy. He saw the hottest 15-year-old hippie girls walking around, one of them talking to another saying “…yeah he’s really cute he’s like Jack Sparrow.” Jah walks by the “healing” section and a poetry writing group where you could get a custom poem, then sees Andy Dick standing in the poetry reading tent being hugged by eight little kids. He sees a lot of weird rashy fucked-up ankles
55:39 – Seth’s story about working with John Larroquette in a movie, catching an extra with a notebook, writing about being up front and thinking John Larroquette is gay
1:03 – Seth standing at a crosswalk and overhears a couple talking about this funny SNL skit called “dick in a box”
2:03 – Seth was at a quaint little street fair in LA where he would expect things like petting zoos, rock climbing and some kettle corn. He got all that, but he also got a gang of scientologists up in his grill handing him a brochure and DVDs talking about the creepy psychiatry museum from Episode 061
3:25 – Jah used to take swimming lessons at Pan-Pacific Park, and was petrified of the Orthodox Jewish kids in the locker rooms because they all had shaved heads and ringlets – he tells his mom that he thought they were punkers and that they were going to beat him up
5:32 – Jah sitting at a Starbucks sees what he thinks is a husky man, but can’t figure out what brand of shemale this is – overhears her talking about Seraphim Falls
10:31 – Seth was filling out a questionnaire at the optometrist and one of the questions was GENDER AT BIRTH? Seth had not seen this before. When Jah was in the 6th grade he was exposed to the “Penis at 12” syndrome, and he had to make sure the girls he were dating didn’t suffer from it
13:36 – Jah in a 7-11 overhears two bros getting excited about 50 in a Source magazine
41:22 – Seth had a Pac Man painter’s hat with the tails, and Jah thinks that is the best thing ever. Seth’s friend Donny Hills had one too. Jah had a similar painter’s hat with tails and a rat tail to go with it
42:03 – Jah watched some dudes on a corner who were really good at breakdancing and he ran up and tried to breakdance with him. His mother was so embarrassed that she ran up and grabbed him and pulled him away
14:41 – Seth’s story about reading obsessive fan mail from Jolie that was sent to Jay Leno in March ‘98 left behind by his former roommate and Tonight Show P.A. Seth reads some excerpts: “…are you mad at me because I went to the Icehouse? … Your show’s really funny tonight. You look better now than when you first did when I met you. You seem to have more life in you. I love that movie Little Mermaid. …” Jah: “I am so hard right now. I’ve never been so hard in all my life.” (19:16)
1:20 – Jonathan dictates a paper he wrote in high school on his field trip to Benjamin Hill, Mexico. “…I was put somewhere to get away from the crap in my life and get completely engulfed in a different culture’s crap; to the point of forgetting about all the crap I had back at school and at home. The growing I did at B Hill with the natives was one thing, but I must comment on the amount I grew with others from my own school. …”
7:30 – Jah explains that his host in Benjamin Hill, Mexico, named Cain, found out early on that Jah was looking for weed and took him to a dude’s house (scariest guy Jah’s ever met) and he bought a huge bag of crazy marijuana from him. He got down toward the bottom of the bag and realized there was half a gram of cocaine lining the bottom of the bag and he’d been smoking a bag of coco puffs the whole time he was there. Cain also set up a movie viewing experience in Jah’s room with a film projector and the dirtiest Mexican porn Jah had ever seen. All of Jah’s friends were in there watching it while smoking coco puffs, and halfway through the movie Jah got a raging hard-on and forced everyone out of the room except for one girl, and had terrible coked-out awful sex with her while a crazy porn is playing on the projector in the background. He found this girl on Myspace recently, she’s married now, he sent her a message congratulating her on the baby and she never responded. Cain was 30-something years old and still in high school, he had a beautiful wife. He had two girlfriends who were 15-year-old high schoolers. Jah recalls he was a terrible man. Months later a teacher came up to him at school and said they kept getting phone calls at school from a man named Cain, because Jah had promised to send crazy shit down to Mexico for him. Jah recalls driving around the hills of Mexico in Cain’s pickup truck with a home stereo system rigged out in the back playing “Rastaman Vibration” and teaching them all the lyrics.
11:12 – Jonathan and Seth went to the Gelson’s in Valley Village about a year ago this weekend and made a bet: they had to pick 5 celebrities they thought they might run into. Seth recalls picking Carmen Electra and Tara Reid. As Jah got food, Seth went up and down the aisles and could not get a single celebrity. As they were walking out, Seth did see the father from Life Goes On, Bill Smitrovich
11:54 – It took Seth a year to go back to the Gelson’s in Valley Village to buy a Balance bar and an apple, sees a pregnant woman, smiles, then the man next to him, Jason Priestly. He shakes his hand, looks him dead in the eye and says “You are the greatest.” Wife starts laughing, Priestly thinks he might be kidding, then Seth says he’s totally serious.
13:55 – Jonathan saw Nicholson broken down on side of PCH with a flat tire. Jah rolled over and started to turn in, then saw it was Nicholson and rolled out
48:49 – Identical twins scare the fuck out of Seth. He watched Good Morning America the other night at 3 a.m. and sees identical quadruplet boys speaking secret telekinetic languages to each other. GMA has been following them their whole lives and now they’re on there at age 18. They’re asked about their secret language and the one who speaks for the group says “No, it’s more advanced now. We do it with their eyes.” Seth deletes it immediately, goes to bed and tries to never think about it again
0:40 – Jonathan gets an e-mail from a listener who is also a doctor; explains the twins phenomenon
31:09 – Seth smoked three cigarettes at the Grateful Dead concert at the Boston Garden in 1991
14:16 – Jah has had dudes flash MLO at him before (Malibu Locals Only)
18:14 – Seth is going to let Bruce “Bruno” Willis off the hook. He was fighting not to see Live Free or Die Hard and the only way he didn’t get duped into it was sitting on his couch and walking the 1993 film starring Bruno, Striking Distance.
20:48 – Jah owns rescued dogs who are afraid of fireworks so he doesn’t go out on the 4th of July. While he was at home he watched a movie called Click, then gives us a recap of it
33:20 – Last year Seth watched The Da Vinci Code at the Arclight at 6 a.m. He was back on July 3 of 2007 to watch Transformers at 7 a.m. He says there was a riff-raff rough bunch there. Guy comes out, “Good morning! You’re at the Arclight! What’s your favorite Globolatron?”
35:22 – Seth went to see Passion of the Christ when it came out and there was a dude who left early and left a bag there, and Seth thought they were all dead (Episode 018, 37:46). He also sat next to a nun on his flight from Pittsburgh, and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing
42:03 – When Seth had a pickup it was on; he had women jumping into the bed and cab of his Chevy Cheyenne
42:29 – Seth went to the 7-11 at the corner of Sepulveda and Venice and it blew his mind – they turned the 7-11 into a Qwik-E-Mart. Seth had to wait in line for 20 minutes before he got in. Saw pink sprinkled donuts and other Simpsons paraphernalia
11:41 – Seth saw two movies that he thought were going to be the greatest movies ever. One turned out to be entirely unwatchable (You, Me & Dupree) and one was completely prescient (Biodome). Jah sings it out: “All we want is life beyond Biodome.” (14:23)
14:44 – Seth watched 24 hours of Live Earth. At one point he was watching it with a 14-year-old girl. When Sting came on with The Police, she looked at him and said, “Is that Bono?” Seth looked at her and said, “Yes.”
34:00 – Seth admits to wearing Jordan cologne; Jonathan wore Joop! and “a grip” of Drakkar Noir.
9:30 – Jah used to live in a rougher area. There was one especially creepy dude that he would see every day, and he found him on the Megan’s Law website and discovered he really was the creepiest dude ever
22:18 – Seth is hesitant to talk about sports because a UYD listener e-mailed Jonathan and said last week’s episode was good because there was no sports stuff in it. Jah: “I love the sports stuff because I wasn’t a very good athlete in school. I was, up until the point that I found other things to fill my time with.”
27:23 – Seth got an oversize sweater (green with red trim) that says JUST HEAR THOSE RING DING BLING A ZING “However the fuck that goes, it says that, crocheted in.” He bought it for $333.
41:24 – Seth holed himself up in Abiquiu, N.M. – got a bottle of Jack Daniels, drove into Santa Fe to get a USA Today to make sure the world hadn’t ended yet (originally mentioned in Episode 052, 19:48)
49:28 – Seth met Corey Feldman at the world premiere of Bad Wives. The only hitch was that they took the pornographic scenes out of the film for the premiere’s sake
51:08 – One of Seth’s friends was at Griffith Park, and saw one-half of OutKast. Another person whispered to him, “Do you know who that is? That’s Andre 2000.”
25:49 – While Seth was donating blood at the Children’s Hospital, he saw a McDonald’s in the hospital. Seth: “Have some fries with that leukemia.”
27:22 – Field agent Brian from Brooklyn goes to a Police concert in NJ – dude in front of him had a mullet, a NASCAR hat and a tattoo of Darth Maul. Dude has buddy with rat tail, they proceeded to hug each other and sing lyrics of Police to each other
31:19 – Jonathan saw the Harry Potter movie with Amir the night before. Jah doesn’t read the books, he just sees the movies. It was them, and two other pairs of dudes sitting in the entire theater
39:00 – Jonathan’s story about the hippie driver in front of him with an ’89 Subaru hatchback adorned with dozens of bumper stickers – “Visualize Using Your Turn Signals,” “John Stewart for President ’08,” “HumanKind – Be Both,” “It’ll Be A Good Day When Schools Have All The Money They Need And The Air Force Has To Hold A Bake Sale To Buy A Bomber,” “Where Have All The Hippies Gone?,” “We’re Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them,” etc.
43:24 – Seth’s dad, Tommy McFadden and Bruce Merrell had tickets to see Elvis on Wednesday, August 17 at the Cumberland County Civic Center in Portland, Maine – but Elvis died on Tuesday, August 16. Seth wanted the ticket but Seth’s dad had it framed and put up in Bruce’s barber shop
5:07 – Jah gets an e-mail the other day from a listener who is an ecologist living in Hungary. He found out about the show from a friend named Wendy. Wendy found out about the show when she was hitchhiking through Texas and ther person who picked her up had 20 episodes on her iPod and they listened to them on their road trip. Wendy peeped it, spread the word and now UYD is Hungary for more. Jah wants the listener who picked up Wendy to “holla back for a dope cock in your mouth.”
8:14 – Seth sang “Paul Revere” at his 8th grade talent show; Jah sang “Patience” by Guns N’ Roses with his friend Tyrone, whose dad owned Chrome Hearts. Thirty seconds before they were going to get on stage and Tyrone locked up and said he couldn’t do it. Jah told Tyrone to play the intro, then drop his pick and pretend like he was still playing. By the end of it Jah was a cappella snake dancing
16:19 – Guy sends Jah an e-mail saying “you asked for it…” with a picture of his balls – just 63 episodes after Seth made the original request in Episode 015.
44:01 – Seth was an original member of the Hunkstie Boys at Caleb Dustin Hunking Middle School in Haverhill, MA. He and his boys went out and lip-synced to Paul Revere. During the lip sync session he did the line “I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffle ball bat,” and he and his dad went to McDonald’s afterward to get a Happy Meal, and his old man was pissed at him
50:23 – Seth’s story about his night terror that was like a ‘Nam flashback and he swept 11 beer bottles off the table (first told in Episode 033)
11:16 – Seth just got some new roommates that are a little creepy – Jah had to be escorted into Seth’s studio prior to Episode 079… woman scraping dead skin off her feet and continues doing so until Jah stares her down… before show, waft of hot dogs; 15 minutes later, violent vomiting into bushes next to studio
31:10 – When Seth saw Miss Teen USA last Friday night and heard Miss South Carolina’s answer, it was one of the purest expressions of joy Seth has ever had in his life. He thought they were going to drop it on UYD and have it take them straight to the top, but like 2 hours later it was on YouTube
35:12 – Jah’s story about the ridiculously hot woman who practically strips right in front of him at the pet store
1:03:49 – Seth revisits the pet store story: “Hot women feel free to show you their vages in public and not think twice about it because it’s like their sister at home.”
6:03 – Seth’s roommates moved out this week. Jah and Seth discuss past stories about said neighbors. There used to be a van about 8 feet from the studio, and they cooked hot dogs and had wild bush vomiting into Seth’s bushes (Episode 079). There was some bathing and foot pumicing going on. Last week there was a note on the notice board – someone in the building next to Seth said “make this stop.” Seth was like, “What do you care? They’re my roommates.”
21:58 – Jonathan’s survival camp story about trying to get a dip can circle worn into his jeans pocket. At the camp, they could only take 2 showers a month. The shower was a furnace that heated water, then the hose went into a bucket with holes poked in it. A girl whom Jah had a huge crush on ran up to him in only a towel and said she couldn’t get the furnace to light. Being a survival aficionado he said he would do it. He tried to light it and it blew out. The girl had turned the gas on and left it running for like 10 minutes. Jah lit it and the entire tent was engulfed in flames. All he could see around him was fire. Jah lost two inches of his hair and both eyebrows and eyelashes in the explosion.
24:40 – Jah and friends at boarding school convince dude that he doesn’t need Ritalin; Jah snorts it while smoking opium; guy walks outside, picks up a boulder over his head and chunks it with a scream: “I like life so much better without my Ritalin!!!”
32:35 – Jonathan was quoted as saying “Naptime, Jew!” after killing someone on Halo on Xbox Live.
1:35 – While driving, Seth sees a dude driving an Escalade with “ESCA” removed to leave “LADE”
2:00 – Jonathan spotted a fat white dude at a gas station wearing a jersey with a Cadillac symbol and ESCALADE written on the back – Jah suspected it was the same dude who Seth saw at the Beastie Boys concert
3:12 – When Seth used to drive his Cheyenne, he had a t-shirt that said THIS IS A CHEVY and he could wear it while driving. Seth: “I’d rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford.”
3:36 – Jonathan is on his way home on Sepulveda at Skirball Center Drive, 10 or 15 cars back and 10 feet behind a Nissan Xterra at a dead stop. All of a sudden the car begins rolling back, Jah starts honking and the car just nails Jah. They can’t pull over, both get out. The other dude (scrawny, late 30s early 40s with glasses) is disheveled, looks at his bumper, says “No damage I guess, it’s cool,” and walks away. Jah asks him if he fell asleep and the dude goes, “No, you just rear-ended me.” Jah gets engulfed in rage and comes at him, saying he ran into him. Dude quickly gets into car and slips a “Fuck you asshole” before shutting the door. Jah spits on the dude’s windshield and gets embarrassed as other cars are just sitting there. Jah chases him along Mulholland through the canyon and calling 911. Dude turns into fire station then pulls back out. Jah is on the phone with California Highway Patrol, they ask him if he’s chasing him and tell him to stop chasing him.
50:52 – Jonathan spots Hillary Duff in public. She was wearing jeans, high heels and a sweater. Jah won’t say where he saw her, but they did make eye contact and she smiled
57:21 – Seth went on iTunes and read the comments for Uhh Yeah Dude. He says they were awesomely funny and crazy flattering
1:01:56 – It took Jonathan 15 minutes to actually speak to somebody after he called 911 while chasing the guy in the Xterra.
19:40 – Seth is watching GMA early in the morning and they’re interviewing Nick Kroll in full Caveman regalia. Introduced a cheerleading squad with children with Downs Syndrome. Camera cuts to a Disney Caribbean outing with a guy playing the steel drums in Times Square. Seth shut it off and laid back on the couch. “How’s your fevered Hunter S. Thompson nightmare you’ve just woken up to?”
21:45 – Jah was playing a part and worked with a dialect coach for an off-broadway production
24:18 – Jah has used steroids, when he was training for a trip he takes every year and does the John Muir Trail – he was 22 years old and felt a little slower. He’d been nursing a knee injury for a full training season. A guy would beat him every year and he couldn’t handle it. He was willing to go to any lengths to win but he lost anyway.
49:49 – Jah played on his boarding school’s ultimate Frisbee team
8:52 – Seth saw Jeff Speakman’s Perfect Weapon the day it came out in Lawrence, Mass., with his good friend Jimmy O’Hern, and Jimmy forgot his wallet and had to sneak back in
9:21 – Seth took a newspaper from Starbucks this week that they didn’t know he had under his arm. Jah stole something too, from a pharmacy, but he can’t remember what it was
19:54 – Jah sees a lady pushing a stroller wearing a shirt that was a spoof on the AIDS campaign ‘Red’ with a shirt that says “hammeRED.”
26:59 – Jah has noticed Starbucks’ new breakfast sandwiches and said the smell is horrendous, and when the cleaning agent they use heats up, it smells so bad. The barista told Jah that it was making her physically sick to stand next to it
1:00:00 – Seth had a gang of celebrity sightings. At his Whole Foods, looks up and sees Laurence Fishburne, then turns around and sees Mandy Moore. Turns around and sees Stephen Weber. Also sees Jerry Espenson, Jeff Goldblum, Seth Rogen, Ali Larter, Zach Quinto and America Ferrera. Jah saw Richard Grieco and talked to him for 15 minutes
11:00 – Seth is coming out of his Whole Foods and sees an 8-year-old penis. He gets a wheatgrass shot, it’s 2 p.m., he’s walking and out of the corner of his eye he sees a little kid standing among the parked cars peeing. The mom is just standing there while he’s peeing, looks at Seth and says “What?!?” Even Seth, who likes to piss outside once a day, is a little more discreet than that.
18:48 – Seth would pour everyone in Brian Peters’ Dodge Caravan and egg people. Jah has never egged anyone in his life, except when he eggs his pan in the kitchen. When he does this he yells “Boo-yah! What’s up now, faggot!”
25:20 – Jah believes in miracles b/c he got a Grateful Dead ticket with no money standing outside of a show
29:21 – About a year and a half ago, Jah ran into a guy who used to work at Fred 62. Guy asked Jah if he was on Myspace, then told him that he’s “gotten so much poon from that place.” Jah wrote down his page, and Jah had a panic attack when he looked it up. Guy is 35 – old enough to know better.
36:29 – Jah came across a Youtube clip of a taxi driver falling asleep and waking up and hitting a wall. On the comments it said the dude died, Jah didn’t believe it, then did the research and confirmed it.
10:30 – Seth spent one night at UMass and it was typical college fare – fire extinguisher going off, he saw both pantsless men and women in the hallways, saw a lot of Schlitz canned beer being consumed, some marijuana being smoked
19:26 – Jah tells story about cyberskin mouth/throat sex toy that he bought and is found by his housekeeper Mima
28:29 – At movie theater, Seth spots woman in denim shorts, fanny pack, visor: “One for Ben Stiller.”
30:22 – Seth is in traffic on Melrose and Rossmore, and hears a homeless guy carrying on an animated and intense discussion with a poster for Women’s Murder Club
31:21 – Jah watched a dude in traffic once gazing up at a Bacardi poster, looking at one of the girls like he was ready to bone down
39:40 – Seth’s story about going to a Carnivale in Hollywood after doing whippets and mushrooms behind a port-a-potty; makes out with a girl on the front lawn of someone’s house, gets a ride home from her (drunk), crossing over Gower the girl drives past the turn, then makes a premature turn at Plymouth and goes up on the curb… Seth walks away, he and his friends hear her yelling; they go to another house and drink GHB
0:57 – Seth was standing on a sidewalk during the Halloween celebration in West Hollywood and saw a man dressed up as Mystery from The Pickup Artist. Oh wait, it was Mystery – and Seth shook his and Matador’s hands, then walked down the Boulevard with Mystery as his wingman.
2:34 – Jah winds up in costume as a Deadhead. He’s standing outside of a club waiting to get in when a dude drives by and yells out the window, “You’re all faggots!!” Jah’s friend sees someone dressed as Blossom, except it was not a costume
8:56 – On Santa Monica and La Cienega, Seth partied at the Alta Cienega Hotel in Room 32 – Jim Morrison’s room – on Halloween night. Seth describes it as the tiniest room ever with a bed, small table, and everything – wall, floor ceiling – has been scrawled with graffiti and illustrations. Seth says if you walk out to the window and look out the window to the world and look up, it will read JIM’S FAVORITE PODCAST: WWW.UHHYEAHDUDE.COM
10:37 – Jah passing out candy on the porch when a teen in skeleton hoodie and gloves says, “Hey, can I get some candy from you?” Jah: “I think you’re supposed to say ‘Trick or Treat.’” He digs into the bowl; his friend comes up, takes one thing and says “I ain’t greedy.” First kid says “I am. Feel my bag.” And drops the 13-lb bag on Jah’s lap. Jah: “First of all, your costume sucks, you’re 15 and you walk up and say ‘Hey can I get some candy from you?’ Not trick or treat? You’re not even going to give me the pleasure?”
14:50 – Seth saw a homeless guy today holding a sign that said COULD YOU HELP ME? RESIDENTIALLY CHALLENGED. Seth didn’t help him b/c he didn’t like his attitude
15:27 – Jah’s story about a homeless guy spitting on his window at an off ramp outside of Las Vegas – he was having an argument with Justine while they were lost. Pulled up to a red light, looked at dude and looked back in heated conversation. Light turned green and dude hocked on the car. Jah thought about stopping but thought to himself that the dude has stabbed four people this morning: “He was so fucking scary looking.”
13:00 – Seth called some 976 sex lines back in the day, so did Jah. Jah babysat for a friend in the neighborhood and is sure he got wrecked for those things (Episode 037, 57:34).
15:15 – Seth called the Setai Hotel in the morning. After he wakes up he has to have a few hours where he doesn’t have any human contact or speaking because he has the “morning frog.” He called in the morning because he thought it would give his voice more gravitas so he would sound sophisticated. He told the receptionist he would be down there this weekend and wanted to know how much Friday and Saturday would be. Cost is $2,100 a night.
51:06 – Seth reminisces on the time when the thought of calling 911 would send you into a state of abject panic. Neither of them has called 911 – except for when Jah spit on the guy’s windshield on Sepulveda and chased him across the canyon (Episode 083)
54:10 – Jah is going to see the Ween at the Wiltern tonight. The last time he saw them was at the Wiltern – they played for 3 ½ hours, and that was the same night they lost 19-8 to the Yankees in Game 3 of the 2004 ALCS before making their historical comeback
3:03 – There was a used condom just outside the door of Jah’s car when he parked at his job today
13:04 – Seth used to work at a video store, they had a gay movie section that they would put rainbow stickers on the boxes. They used to jack them and put them on other people’s bumper stickers
22:54 – Jah ran into Mayim Bialik 24 hours after he told the story about the girl dressed up as Blossom on Halloween. Jah knows Mayim b/c she played John’s daughter on a TV show. She said he’d gained so much weight, then she puked, and she thought it was the craziest thing ever
24:02 – Seth was at a red light about 6 p.m. downtown, looks over and sees a dude leaning against a telephone pole: Kato Kaelin
29:28 – Jah was speaking to two women at a dinner last night. They were talking about putting electric blue makeup and glitter all over their face and wearing Coolio braids and going up to Timothy Leary’s mansion and doing whippets with him
55:11 – Jonathan says the Ween show was awesome. Crowd wasn’t very good looking but there was plenty of 4-20 to go around. Three-hour show. Epic. New songs from the new record. Security not caring about anything, etc.
10:17 – A friend of the show, Timothy, had an art project he started in school called “The Penny Project.” The idea was that b/c it cost too much to make pennies, they would stop making pennies b/c there’s an abundance of them. He’d get people to send them pennies, store them in a giant vault, and then accrue enough of them to where he’d hold them hostage from the U.S. government and make them pay him to release the pennies
23:07 – Seth spots an attractive woman at Santa Monica and Fairfax and notices that it’s the new bad girl from Nip/Tuck (AnnaLynne McCord). Seth tells her she was awesome.
33:39 – Jah’s friend who was a carny told a story about the old-school chef who traveled with the carnival he was with. A lot of hippies had become carnies and were vegetarians, and the chef would do terrible things to the vegetarians like spit in their veggie soup or add bacon to things
1:00:15 – Jah reads an iTunes comment about UYD: “… I hope they are all not longer than about 30 minutes … the one main speaker is a bit much, perhaps he shouldn’t talk as much. … the second-best podcast I’ve heard in a while… the monkeybox is still the best.”
3:20 – Jah’s terrible graphic sinus infection story about getting sinuses scraped – Amir’s dad got one, got sick, goes to bathroom to throw up, gauze goes back into throat, can’t breathe so he’s puking and suffocating to death… has to stick hands in mouth and pull gauze out of throat through raw passages – most excruciating experience of his life
9:42 – Jah has been pulling a couple shifts at the store and there is a 16-year-old girl working there for the holiday season. She listens to some dope stuff but also some Soulja Boy, reinstilling Jah’s faith that we aren’t too far gone. She went to the bathroom and couldn’t find the switch; Jah tells her there’s a string on the ceiling. She replies, “What?! A string to turn the light on?! That’s so old school!” Jah realizes that he’s in fact dead.
22:21 – Jah’s story about his mom getting hammered at the Ivy on mojitos – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes show up, Jah’s mom says, “You know what I think, they’re taking pictures of the wrong people. They should be taking pictures of all of you, because you’re all beautiful.”
25:46 – Jah’s story about being at the Staples Center for a Lakers game – Jack Black appears on the jumbotron in a pre-recorded tape, cuts to live action of him sitting on floor, then it cuts to Jah on jumbotron, then to Jack Black, then back to Jah, etc. 5,000 people say something to Jah on the way out of Staples Center … four days later in Hollywood, dude asks him “Hey were you at the Laker game?” A week later, beautiful girl in Mexican restaurant: “Were you at the Laker game a week ago?”
29:16 – Jah was at a coffeehouse, hears a dope song, is loving it, then finds out it’s the new Britney Spears record
4:37 – Seth is waiting at a red light, sees what he thinks is a Honda Accord, but it says Porsche 914 on the back. Seth describes it as a Civic and an an Accord and a 280ZX had a baby and it birthed a Porsche 914
7:36 – Jah sees a bumper sticker while in traffic this week: “Got Christ?” and in tiny letters, “It’s hell without him.” Another one: “Real Men Pray.” Seth sees another bumper sticker: “Searching for Christ? Find his mother” on a creepo rape van
1:02:16 – Jah hears that Tara (a.k.a. ohemgeeitsme) posted her boobs on the forum
1:46 – Seth sees a license plate on a Jetta on the freeway: RUB1OWT. Seth gives him the thumb’s up, dude with huge sunglasses nods at Seth like yeah.
2:40 – Jah sees a license plate on a Passat at the Hollywood Bowl: JSTILES. But it wasn’t Julia Stiles. Later, in Culver City, at 3 a.m. he sees the exact same car. It still wasn’t Julia Stiles.
19:59 – Jah goes to Great Western Forum to see Lakers in late 90s, on the way out he goes out The Forum Club exit, all the Laker Girls are hanging out in sexy clothes – Jah sees a faded Snoop Dogg standing next to him. Group of 4 Hispanic dudes freak out and run up to him, saying “Snoop! Keep it real yo! Compton!” Snoop’s like, “Yeah, yeah.” Jah hears him under his breath say “Yeah, odelay and shit.”
23:25 – Seth rode an elevator with Tupac Shakur at the Beverly Center. It was Seth, an elderly Asian woman and Tupac. On eighth floor, Tupac gets out, little 10-year-old kid getting on and goes bonkers. Tupac went to do his business and the kid followed him, jumping up and down.
26:59 – Jah was in third grade, teacher walked out and another teacher at door told her about the Challenger explosion, she was sobbing
27:29 – Seth was sitting on the lawn at an assembly in 8th grade, Mrs. Sullivan leaned in and whispered in his ear: “Len Bias is dead.”
35:13 – Seth had a buddy who did time at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility. They would serve a balogna sandwich and an orange and a carton of milk for meals. They keep it at 40 degrees so viruses won’t spread. They would let them watch Friends in a common room at 7:30, then would shut it off at 5 minutes to 8:00 and call for bedtime. Seth claims this is why the recitivism rate is so high because they won’t let them finish the episodes (Episode 007, 15:48).
55:06 – Story about Jah’s crazy neighbor: “You’re always playing drums. No, that’s my neighbor. I do electronic music. Oh, you make beats!” Three months ago, he hears violent screaming, that neighbor is being strapped onto a stretcher being shoved into the back of an ambulance. Rolls back in a few days ago and Jah sees him smoking a cigarette, lost weight, head shaved. Same dude who introduced Jah to a crazy homeless woman at a convenience store. Asked Jah for money.
58:24 – Jah gets grifted again. Lovely early 30s black woman comes to his door and says she came from a battered marriage and was put to work through an organization that is helping her sell magazine subscriptions. Jah buys two subscriptions for like $170: Automobile magazine and Domino magazine.
23:30 – Jah drives by a luxury used car dealership by his house around 9 p.m., sees a person out there bundled up and drawing a basket of presents on a wall mural. When he comes back at 3 a.m. she’s still drawing. Leaves next morning at 10 a.m. and she’s still there, etc. For 4-5 nights this is going on. Ends up with Santa Claus in a Model T, and then “Drive Your Dream” written in the background. It sucks.
1:06:05 – The Jogger show went awesome
1:11 – Jah got his hair cut by one of Jonathan Antin’s minions and came out looking like Kenny G. It was shiny and hard and gelled and he felt like an asshole. He was in the studio with Wag and he came back and they were like “Looks good, dude,” but Jah was sure they were thinking it was horrible. There were the hottest girls working there, and he recalls seeing Jonathan Antin there also. He also remembers looking over and someone had dropped off a crazy homeless person to get a makeover. The dude tried to start combing her hair and couldn’t even get through one brushstroke
19:47 – Seth and his mom are in Larchmont Village, sees James Spader with his girlfriend and teenage son, introduces himself and his mom since they have the Boston connection. Seth mentions to Spade-dog that he does a podcast with John Larroquette’s son. He also mentions that his 1990 book Separated at Birth: Part 2 by Spy magazine has William Shatner and John Larroquette separated at birth. Spade-dog loves it, and Seth tells him he mailed it to John.
26:28 – Jah sees one of those Indian/Pakistani grifters who do sleight of hand brain-teaser bullshit and engaged him by saying “You are a lucky man.” Jah said “thank you” and kept walking. He tries to figure out if 1) they are all over the country, 2) what is this defacing of a wonderful people, 3) if it’s really profitable, etc. Often they try to walk you to an ATM to get more money from you. Jah admits he got grifted by one of them between 5-10 years ago. Seth has never dealt with one and tries to pull girls away from them on Larchmont. One of Jah and Seth’s mutual friends, referred to as “Lavachielli,” has been known to go off on them
51:58 – Jah waits outside with candy on Halloween night, wearing his Terminator zip-up hoodie. Kid told him he liked his sweatshirt and had the same one in black. Two days later he finds the same one being sold at a kiosk in Sherman Oaks for $50.
53:59 – Seth took his mom to Pinkberry, she got some samples and hated them, so they went to Baskin-Robbins for some ice cream. Michael Rappaport was there and couldn’t control his unruly children
10:18 – Guy Jah knows had an art show in Provo Utah, said it was the scariest place ever. Had an argument but the Mormons couldn’t express their anger with him. Another guy he works with flies out to Provo and searched “gay bars in Provo” and it was blocked from the lobby computer. Got on his laptop, got on their server, still couldn’t search it. Called friend in Australia and asked him to search “gay bars in Provo” and send him the links. E-mail gets confiscated on the way in, so guy has to put them in a PDF file and that finally went through
14:20 – Jah likes to get on headset and talk smack while Amir plays, heard a girl on there arguing with her boyfriend and yelled “Suck my clit!” Jah finds out that she’s 19 years old and is a doughmaster at Pizza Hut
20:18 – First Hummer Seth ever saw was in September 1995, he was driving north on Highland just south of Sunset. An armored tank drives up next to him and Seth flips out. Jonathan remembers seeing the Lamborghini jeep they made in the 80s that was supposed to 120 mph with 4 flat tires across a desert, but it ended up being a complete failure wrought with technical problems. Eddie Van Halen had one and Jah remembers seeing him roll up in Malibu with one and thinking it was the craziest thing ever
1:02:10 – Jonathan did a demo for a cell phone commercial that we don’t know if he’s gotten yet. They wanted something in the vein of Daft Punk, and his demo was well-received. They still haven’t pulled the trigger on it and it’s a little frustrating to Jah. It’s for an unlimited calling plan for Boost Mobile and the plan is called UNLTD
1:15 – Two hours after uploading Episode 098, Jonathan gets a text message that reads GOLDEN CUM ASS, PS I FUCKED YOU, CHARLIE WILSON’S WHORE, 1 MISSED CALLGIRL 18, JEW HO, COCKED HARD: THE DO ME COCKS STORY
7:59 – Jonathan walked into his local Starbucks, said to his barista, John, that the smell from the cleaning products used on the new panini makers was wack, he was told that the smell was a problem and now to combat the smell they’re getting new espresso machines with giant vents on the front to push out more aroma to overwhelm the stench.
39:35 – Jah reveals that Blaise was the name of the kid he was babysitting when he made all those phone sex calls he talked about in Episode 037 and Episode 090
43:19 – Seth is at Hugo’s minding his own business, getting two bowls of soy chorizo honey chipotle, extra guac, extra sour cream, some dude rolls up in a Porsche and yells “Hey! Cowboys gonna lose on Sunday!” Seth just looks back and says “Really?” Dude: “Your boy T.O. ain’t playin’!” Then he peels out against traffic before Seth could think of a witty response
3:36 – Chris, the female worker’s comp insurance adjustor from Hawaii is mentioned again (Mack Butts – Ep. 66). Claim was filed – 21-year-old virgin girl who works at Best Buy was unloading a box of DVDs onto the shelves. In the box was a porn DVD. Girl freaked out, left, went to a therapist. Therapist took her off work with full disability for two weeks. Best Buy denies the claim. Seth is “with” the girl.
19:07 – Jonathan walks into Art’s Deli shortly after his dad had appeared on the view. The 80-year-old woman behind the counter swipes Jah’s card and just stares at the name. Eventually she goes “Are you related to John Larroquette?” Jah: “That’s my father.” Deli person: “We were just talking about him.” Jah didn’t even know he was on The View.
21:54 – Jah had a friend whose mother gave birth to him on acid in the ocean in Hawaii. Seth: “Is that a good start or a bad start?” Jah: “The best start, but the worst start for an actual life arc.” Seth: “How did he turn out?” Jah: “He was a wreck the last time I saw him.”
0:40 – Jah has bought a grip of crazy survival knives after seeing the Rambo movies
11:10 – Jah was on a Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel, and the two older Mexican kids next door to him convinced him to get off of it and sit on a hill of red ants. He sat on it and the red ants went up his butthole. “But that’s what happens when you walk around naked in an urban neighborhood.”
11:47 – Seth joined the soccer team in high school and it got him on a crazy drinking binge that lasted 15 years. “Thanks seniors. Thanks 15 years of hell.” They made Seth take his asscheeks, open them up and sit down on a soccer ball, then come up and kick the soccer ball out. For two weeks, Seth couldn’t walk. “You don’t understand. It hurt like fuck.” They also took one of his friends in a locked locker, pulled out their pricks and pissed on him.”
14:07 – The day of the Challenger accident, Jah was in third grade when the teacher got news from her door and started crying (first told in Episode 095)
18:18 – Jah watched the Cowboys-Seahawks game with Seth last year when Romo botched the snap. He says Romo blew it this way in a crazy way, but he’s getting super laid.
19:20 – Jah had a celebrity sighting this week – Jessica Simpson at Hugo’s in Studio City with her mother and another woman. Got into a brand-new white Mercedes SUV. Says she was short but super cute.
19:58 – Seth saw Kate Mara of Shooter on the sidewalk when he was turning on Ogden by Fairfax High School
26:20 – Jonathan used to go to Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Santa Monica to pick up lunch because his studio used to be right across the street. Seth used to have a spot there when he was homeless and just read
27:37 – Jah has been helping out his friend, a wardrobe stylist, who has hired him to be an assistant to drive a van and carry heavy stuff. The first morning the job took place, he unloaded the van with his friend and her assistant, then went to park the van. Parking lot was full, so he was told to go to next lot down the street. As he pulls up to the Pasadena-area lot at 7 a.m., it’s completely empty with only the parking attendant there. Rolls down his window, says hi, parks the van. Pulls his cash out when he sees the sign for $8, and the attendant says it’s $13. Jah asks why because it says $8, but the dude says $8 plus $5, and takes the $15 from Jah’s hand and gives him no change. Attendant tells Jah to move his van because it’s too big. Jah’s reply: “Or you could just give me my fucking money back.” Dude gives him the money, and Jah says “You don’t have to be a fucking dick about it, dude.” As Jah pulls out, he winks and waves at the attendant, and the attendant gives him the finger. Jah parks elsewhere for $5, exit he takes dumps him out right in front of the dude. He walks past the guy’s lot to go to the place, and the dude is sitting in his passenger seat. Jah gets as close as he can to him, and open hand smacks on his back window four times real loud, then screams at him “IT’S TOTALLY COOL! I FOUND PARKING SOMEWHERE ELSE!” Then realizes he’s scared the man beyond recognition. Following a long pause, he looks over his shoulder and the dude is in his booth riffling around, then comes out with a 9-iron spitting on himself. At the same time, the shuttle pulls up and the Armenian driver tells the attendant to calm down. Jah joins in and starts screaming at the dude again. As Jah gets in the shuttle van and shuts the door, he realizes all the talent for the photo shoot for that morning are in full hair and makeup, smiling and scared shitless. Armenian guy told Jah that it was $13 because it’s an extra $5 for vans. Seth thinks Jah was in the right
37:50 – Jonathan updates us that he has not received one of his magazine subscriptions he originally talked about in Episode 095 when he got grifted
38:23 – Seth got a parking ticket on Christmas Day – coming home from church with his mother (Christ The King, Rosmore and Melrose), was in his apartment for 15 minutes, walked back outside and had a $65 ticket
40:35 – Jah saw the greatest concert of his life the night they shot Episode 100 – saw Cornelius play at the Walt Disney Hall. He and Amir both declare it “the best live show we’ve ever seen.”
50:25 – Jah ate at a Marble Slab the other day and said it was very good
57:19 – Seth and Jonathan two years ago thought they’d get a handle on things. Thanksgiving 2005, America was in a state of flux. They sat down on a washing machine in Sherman Oaks and wanted to get to the bottom of this. Two years later, they’re 15 years behind, claims Seth.
58:45 – Jah and his dad were talking about Jah needing to make money and get a job that pays him instead of just letting him hang out with MILFs and their dogs, and Mr. Larroquette suggests that Jah gets one of those Second Life jobs where he is hired to play it eight hours a day as another guy
1:00:09 – That story is only to be trumped by Jah’s mother suggesting that Jah become a high-end bodyguard because he’s personable and people would enjoy talking to him. However, she said he’d have to clean up a bit and take martial arts classes
1:02:49 – Jah was watching a reality show Becoming Miss America. One of the judges, a celebrity stylist, commenting on a contestant who put together her own gown: “Ooh, that girl is the Bomb.com.” Seth wants Jah to buy that domain name, but Jah can’t even buy jogger.com.
1:41 – Jah tells UYD listener Bill’s story from a few years back, pulling up to a 7-11 drunk one night. Standing outside the 7-11 was a dude in full fishing regalia and is aircasting into the parking lot. Bill asks him if he’s caught anything good tonight, and the dude snaps on him, walks into the store and starts hitting him with the fishing rod. Dude has cerebral palsy, Bill finally grabs the guy but his hands get hooked on his lures and cuts his hands. Guy keeps hitting Bill harder with the rod and Bill decks the dude, dude falls out through the door and the group outside flips out on Bill, thinking he was picking on the disabled guy
4:31 – Seth says Rambo lived up to the hype – he gave three or four standing ovations during the film
18:36 – The first time Seth learned about the “…in bed” addition to fortune cookies, he was a senior in high school and was out to dinner with his girlfriend’s family at a Chinese restaurant. Her father read the fortune and said something when he finished (“under the sheets”) and Seth cackled to play along, even though he had no idea. Seth also claims this is the only time he’s ever eaten Chinese food.
21:58 – Seth and his childhood homey Peter Martilucci had to go to CCD to learn about Catholicism every week. They would always have baseball hats on, walk in step with each other, take the step into the church and take their hats off
22:37 – Jah’s mother took him to see Stand By Me in Oxnard, and on the drive back Jah was looking out at the ocean, crying his eyes out. She asked him what was wrong, and he said, while sobbing, “I want friends like that.”
47:48 – Seth went to see Mickey Rooney in Malibu at Playhouse West about 10 years ago. Seth had a difficult time focusing on Rooney’s stories because he had enormous balls. He couldn’t believe no one else was noticing this. But Seth did hear one of his stories about busting his leg up on a toboggan in the 1930s. Rooney was recuperating at Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital at age 15; on the 6th floor a woman was being born that he would marry in 1978 as his eighth wife
58:00 – Jah went to watch Arsenio Hall clips with Frank Zappa and thought that 1) He met Arsenio Hall when his dad was on (he had enormous hands); and 2) He was a good talk show host and should be back on the air
1:01:05 – Jah rifles through the people he’s met, then Seth starts rattling off celebrities to see if he’s met them
1:04:43 – Seth has met Jay Leno when he went to see Jeff Goldblum, Goldblum invited Seth and Nick Lang into the green room to do pre-interview
52:03 – Seth is still recovering from Jah’s story in Episode 093 about loving Britney Spears’ new album
54:22 – Jah received a bunch of e-mails from the Craig’s List ad that UYD listener John posted with Jah’s phone number. One of them was a request to sit on opposite beds and beat off on each other, included a photo of his balls hanging over the edge of the bed with his oddly shaped erect penis sticking up
1:05:20 – Jah stopped eating cheese
6:32 – Seth is sitting on his couch on Sunday night contemplating his life, thinking about how old they are and how he can’t work a cell phone. He thinks about his old cell phone number, 323-333-5919, wonders who has his number now and calls it. He hears: “Please enjoy the music while your party is reached,” then hears the Hole song “Violet”, then a chick saying “Hey this is Pistol. Leave a message.” Seth calls again to try to transcribe the message and Pistol answers the phone
16:34 – Jah trimmed his pubes the other day, and asks Seth if he does the same kind of manscaping. Seth says he is camera ready at all times. Jah is so itchy that he doesn’t know what to do. At one point in his life he rolled bald for about a year
33:08 – While at a restaurant together, Seth tells the waitress that Jah is vegan so the kitchen needs to be alerted
42:48 – Jah’s “Awesome God” story from Episode 061 is rehashed when Seth talks about Time Life’s new 30-anthem Christian box set. Seth is heard falling on the floor in hysteria at the recollection of said story
46:02 – Jah spotted a dude his age in a Spuds Mackenzie t-shirt – he almost gave him props, but he was wearing True Religion jeans and killed it
46:15 – Seth saw a dude getting a wheatgrass shot at Jamba Juice wearing a jester hat and a crazy oversized cloak black jacket, bellbottom jeans with hooks down his calves and knees, and big thick 6-inch black sole boots with metal front. Then he sees a normal white dude wearing American Eagle jeans, bad Reebok trainers and an ill-fitting t-shirt and his hair is bleached red. It sends him into a full panic
2:07 – Seth references the porn star Jah saw in the mall, Mr. Marcus (Episode 015)
3:05 – Jah saw a broad walking around Ralph’s the other night with a smudge on her forehead
3:33 – Seth was in the 7-11 across the street from his house last Friday around 7:15 a.m. He was buying a newspaper and was standing behind a woman and a man getting full hot dogs with all the trimmings. There’s only one dude working, Seth doesn’t have any change so he has to wait for the guy to get all his relishes and shit. Seth is puzzled that someone is buying hot dogs at 7:15 in the morning.
7:50 – Seth got grossed out by watching a tape of Gene Simmons having intercourse on the internet
10:40 – Jah used to steal from his lunch truck for about a year, was digging it, and then he just stopped
15:07 – Jah goes into a CVS to get a prescription b/c Justine is sick – had an allergic reaction to Tamaflu with violent vomiting. CVS says they don’t have the anti-nausea medicine that he needs. Dude asks, looks around and finally finds it 20 minutes later sitting on top of a computer. Then he says it will take 15 minutes to fill it. Justine calls him and is vomiting violently. At this point Jah has been at CVS for an hour, and notices that the tag they put on the bag says THIS PRESCRIPTION WAS FILLED IN UNDER 15 MINUTES. Jah can’t believe it.
19:16 – Jah got his friend tickets to Jay Leno b/c his dad’s coming into town; however, he couldn’t get tickets to the Dodgers-Red Sox game that Seth did. Seth wants to pod from Dodger Stadium
28:39 – Seth buys a French vanilla Slim-Fast at a 7-11 for $1.89 on Wednesday and everyone looks at him like he’s a whacko.
29:08 – Jah thanks all listeners who have sent pictures to his phone b/c he finally learned how to see them. He got some dogs in funny sweaters, a sweet vajay-jay – turns out it belonged to the lover of his friend Kami
34:15 – Jah missed the lunar eclipse the night before. Seth saw it while standing on Santa Monica Blvd. among a bunch of other people. He gets in the Plymouth Sundance and hears Jim Ladd on 95.5 KLOS in the middle of a hippie moment, saying he’s going to get a sweater and put on Dark Side of the Moon.
46:05 – Seth watched his Baywatch on WLVI Ch. 55 in Boston with the band he was in, “Mosaic,” made up of Seth, Brian Bowman and Ray Worsdale. They all had a dorm together, and they would get really high and watch Baywatch on Sunday nights and midnight. Seth was the utility player of Mosaic.
52:58 – Jah saw Randy Jackson the other day. He walked in to Earth Café, there was a guy getting money for homeless shelters in L.A. Jah gives the burner dude money. Twenty minutes later he hears horrible singing, and realizes the guy who was collecting money was giving Randy Jackson a little audition: “Cause I’m comin’ … like a heart attack!!!” His friend filmed it and high-fived him afterward
5:49 and 33:58 – Seth wanted to get an earring in 1986 and was beggin his dad for it, but it was not happening with him. His bud Peter Martellucci got his pierced, but not Seth
6:05 – Jah got his first earring pre-body piercing fiasco which he went through (had giant plugs in his ears). He convinced his father when he was 13 or 14 to get an earring, they went to Melrose and he picked out his gold hoop. He put in a stud first and let it heal but he desperately wanted a silver hoop. After he was done, he looked to his dad and said, “OK, it’s your turn,” and Mr. Larroquette got his pierced and kept it in for a long time. … 7:39 – Years later Jah got into body piercing and started apprenticing at a body piercing shop on the Venice boardwalk in the summer, which was “epic.” His bud Mike was the body piercer and a crazy Israeli dude ran the place but was never there. Jah’s first job was to learn how to use the gun. He was really nervous and marked the girl’s piercing out with a pen. She gets them and she’s thrilled, and he does a couple more and gets totally comfortable with it. Another girl comes in and asks for a second hole in both her ears, wanted one higher up in the cartilage. He loads up the gun and decides not to mark this one. He does the first, looks and does the second. Jah looks at her and realizes they’re not even at all. He panics and doesn’t say anything, the girl leaves and he tells Mike he messed it up. She comes back 20 minutes later and Jah offers to take one out, then re-pierce right next to the tender spot. He straightened it out, but only after leaving her with a bleeding hole and swollen ear
11:41 – Jah tried to ramp up sizes in his earlobes too fast and busted out the inner channel of his ear. He cut an artery and there was blood gushing down his neck b/c the guy had a wooden African taper they used which Jah wanted
12:08 – There was a guy named Buzz from New Zealand living in Venice that summer who played didge and taught both he and Mike to play didgeridoo. Jah bought his first didgeridoo from him. At this point Seth tells him to say anything that has nothing to do with hippies
13:13 – Dip back into the didgeridoo topic. Seth: “I can not talk about ponytails, earrings, didgeridoos, drum circles, tattooing, piercings, Venice, skateboarding, surfing. Everything has to be concrete urban for the rest of this show.” Jah: “Yeah, well, then, I got nothing to talk about.” … “If there’s one rule I’ve learned about playing the didge, there’s didgeridoos and there’s didgeridon’ts (47:06)
15:48 – Jah’s sister’s really good friend in high school worked at Straw Hat Pizza (Raw Rat) in Malibu, and 1 out of every 5 sodas that came over that counter had loogies in them
18:00 – Jah saw Tom Hanks on Tuesday in Santa Monica coming out of his therapist’s office. Tom, in sunglasses, looked at Jah and smiled, then put his head down and kept walking
18:35 – On Wednesday, Seth’s day was celebrity-packed. At his Whole Foods he got Dr. Shawn McNamara (Dylan Walsh) from Nip-Tuck and said “Thank you sir;” turns onto Santa Monica Blvd. and sees an Escalade containing Prince in sunglasses in the back seat; then he sees Kid (Christopher Reed) from Kid-n-Play and doesn’t tell him he was the first celebrity he saw in L.A., but he does say “Thank you Mr. Reed for your work;” then he sees C. Thomas Howell
30:10 – Jah befriended a limo driver at one point. When he was 17 the driver was driving him home from a semi-formal dance. The driver took Jah by his Culver City apartment on the way back home and started chopping his coke and offering it to Jah at 4:30 a.m. On his keychain he has a dope boat anchor, and both ends of the anchor are little coke spoons that fit perfectly in his nostrils and he snorts it in front of Jah
39:10 – Seth stopped by a coffeeshop in Koreatown called Hirie Coffee House. It was the biggest place ever and had different themes, they’re open until 4 a.m. They just serve coffee and cakes, and Seth was surprised they sold no booze there. Seth asked the guy behind the counter, “Is this a Korean thing?”
58:22 – Jah and Jogger was going to get $1,000 to play at Mountain View, eat in any one of those restaurants for free and play a lunchtime gig for the multi-billionaires who live there. They told them “maybe next time,” it didn’t happen but Jogger doesn’t know why it didn’t happen
1:00:02 – Jah heard a barista today tell the woman the sizes “small, medium and large;” not bothering to go with the Italian names
8:28 – Seth had a great spot on Mile 6 of the LA Marathon at Lucerne and Rosewood, he pulled the Plymouth Sundance around and parked it. He was enjoying his time until a small Asian woman wearing a USC sweatshirt kept making a peace sign and yelling “Right on!!” every 30 seconds. After an hour and a half, the people trickling through at the six-mile mark are way behind the pace. One dude is stumbling on his cell phone talking to someone saying he’d slow down for them. Another dude is dressed as Marilyn Monroe running by
12:32 – Jah was standing at a Starbucks this week and took note of an extremely pretty girl there. He looks over and there’s a dude in his mid-40s sitting at one of the tables, he’s turned his chair and positioned himself and says “Hey, how’s it going?” Another dude asks him if he knows her and he goes, “No, no, it’s crazy, she just has the perfect eyes for this one thing…” Dude he’s talking to is holding a business card that he has just handed him, asks him if it’s his company, and dude shrugs off
24:42 – Jah has been hiking a lot lately, about 3 miles 3-4 days a week He was hiking and saw Spencer from The Hills on a mountain bike while Jah was in his cool-down phase
28:47 – Jah likes to sneak up on dudes when they’re busily working on their computers at Starbucks and looking at what they’re doing. He watches them do the craziest moves over and over that don’t do anything, just fidgeting so they can keep their eyes looking around
33:43 – Seth tells Jah to name his two favorite peanut memories: 1) Jah had just gone into town and gotten stuff for his kitchen and he was crazy blazed and started making a sandwich. His dad would make fried peanut butter, banana and honey sandwiches and so he replicated one with some Cookie Crisp cereal on it. He bit into it and it was the best-tasting thing he’s ever had. On his second bite he had a peanut butter choke (happens to him at least twice a week to this day) when he started laughing; 2) Nut-n-honey shake or Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Love at Fred 62 or straight-up PBJ ice cream from Baskin Robbins
48:47 – Jah used binoculars 48 hours ago while birdwatching. He was sitting, minding his own business playing guitar on the couch the other night and hears a tapping at his back window. He doesn’t see anything, then he looks a little later and sees a small bird on the back door trying to get in. Jah goes outside and the bird’s wing is damaged; he takes it to his friend’s emergency vet facility at 10-11 p.m. It turns out to be a house finch (like a sparrow, with red on the throat and tail). Later, Jah sees another house finch land on his birdfeeder in the backyard and peeps it out with his binocs.
59:01 – Jah tries to explain “gleaking” to Seth. All Jah’s friends could do it and had gleak wars, but he could never do it and can only do it by accident when yawning. It’s a life skill he wouldn’t mind having
4:22 and 46:07 – The Starbucks “eyes” dude Jah spotted in Episode 107 is referenced again
13:09 – Seth goes into Blockbuster to get a couple movies, hands his card to the woman wearing a “Horton Hears A Who” headdress who is very chipper; Seth is not chipper. Seth pays, picks his movies up, asks when the movies are due, and the woman tells him “it’s on the receipt.” He asks again and she repeats “it’s on the receipt.” He opens up one of the movies and it looks like he’s just spent $300 at the grocery store. He looks all over the receipt and can’t find it, then turns to the women and goes “Just tell me when my fuckin’ movies are due!!” The other woman tells him he’s out of line and points on the receipt, as they both give him a dirty look. He sees them both again when he returns the movies.
42:51 – Seth and Jonathan’s moms have been with the show since Day 1. Sometimes Jah goes back and says he couldn’t listen to it if it were his kid
48:52 – Seth has been given an honorary doctorate from the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts. He is also the dean of students and an RA on the fifth floor for listener Matt
3:13 – Amir and Jah tossed around the idea of calling their band “Jeff’s Ship” as a partial spoof of the Jefferson Airplane/Starship theme
24:19 – Jah saw DMX in concert once. He opened up for Limp Bizkit, when Jah took his brother Benjamin (devout Bizkit-head) to the show
31:45 – UYD listener and website moderator Nick Mueller was at a Britney Spears concert in Chicago, and it was sponsored by 8 different sponsors, and in between every set change they’d come out and say “Give it up for LG!!!” Nick simply said to himself, “What am I?”
40:58 – Seth saw a grip of idiots getting headshots taken outside everywhere he went this week
3:26 – Back in the day of dial-up porn on the internet, it was the only time Amir would practice playing guitar. He would click to download a picture and then start playing until it finally downloaded
11:07 – One of the greatest live performances Jah has ever seen in his life was watching Buckethead perform at the Troubador with a band called Praxis. The incredibly tall Buckethead was bodylocking while performing some of the most ferocious electric guitar Jah had ever seen. He also had a life-size human torso that was disemboweled sitting on a stand next to him
19:20 – Jah saw James Worthy in a Starbucks, but was on the phone when Worthy walked by in a full suit. Jah looked at him in his face, but said “That’s James Worthy” into the phone loud enough to where Worthy turned and looked at him. Worthy nodded and jumped in his 7 Series
39:50 – Jah talks about a 24-hour span where the period of his life of Rastafarianism, Deadheadism and Blues Travelerism came to a tipping point, as he was being protected by Jah in order to write his first book, which would liberate thousands—possibly millions—of white men and women from the chains of Babylon. He was 16 years old in 1994, and Blues Traveler was in town for two nights, and Jah had tickets for both nights. His weed dealing was at a point where he was smoking more than he was able to produce and buy. He goes to the show in Hollywood at the Palace and brings a few friends. A lot of hash and weed are being smoked, they’re on the way back from the show driving on the PCH back to Malibu. He’s hauling ass at 3 a.m. on the PCH, car is full of smelly dudes and a gang of weed. All of a sudden he gets hit with a warm shock in his chest, and some kind of voice in his head tells him Slow down. He screeches down to 50 mph and around a blind corner 5 seconds later a cop car comes from the opposite direction. Everyone in the car is going nuts, and Jah gives thanks to Jah. He speeds back up, and 5 minutes goes by, and he gets another surge in his chest telling him Slow down. Another cop passes by and people in the car are screaming “How the fuck did you know that?!!” and he starts screaming “Rastafari!!” He has to be at school the next morning (Concord HS in Santa Monica) after 3 hours of sleep, and gets into his GMC Yukon. In the console he has a secret compartment full of weed and money. Wedged between the seat and the console is a glass bong, so he can hit it at red lights. He’s driving with Blues Traveler playing on his bumping system, and he’s playing harmonica at the same time, steering with his knees. This morning he woke up feeling blessed and protected that nothing could stop him. On the way to school, going 80 mph in the opposite direction, a cop comes down, Jah has no idea he’s there, clocks him and U turns. Jah looks in his rear view and thinks it’s going to be fine. He rolls down the window and says “You got me, I’m late for school,” and gives him the license. Cop has Jah get out of the car and puts his hands in his pockets and pulls out a fat sack of weed. He cuffs Jah, goes into his car, gets all the bags of weed and the $2,000 of drug money. He gets put in the back of the car and driven to the sheriff’s station, Jah is crying and begging the cop to give him his harmonica back so he can play it in the back of the car. Mr. Larroquette bails him out of jail, but Jah says he can’t explain the utter disappointment from him. The next night, he was taking his friend Abby to the show, but his dad told him he wasn’t going anywhere. Jah tells Abby he got arrested and gives her the tickets. Jah eats ecstacy that night, and at 2:30 a.m. he sneaks out of his house barefoot and runs through a muddy field and jumps a fence to see her when she gets back from the show to make sweet love to her. She’s not there when he gets there, but he’s X-ing his balls off. He sneaks into the house and gets into her room, and he puts on a Phish record and sits Indian-style with muddy feet on her black satin sheets. He thought that would be his fresh game. She walks in, and followed behind her is a 23-year-old dude that she had taken to the show. Jah says “Heeeey!” and tries to play it off like he wanted to kick it. He gives them the hit of ecstacy, they took it and made love and stayed together forever. Jah’s life as a Rastafarian prophet was over forever. … There was a National Enquirer blurb written about it, but they couldn’t print Jah’s name but did reference John Larroquette’s son, and it listed the amount of money and everything. Seth couldn’t get a back issue because the anthrax scare had messed up the Enquirer building in Florida
0:41 – Jonathan got to Seth’s place on Thursday to do the show. Seth didn’t hear the buzzer to his door and he waited. He could hear Jah mumbling something about Hailie Selassie I. Seth says “dude you’ve been out there for like 6 minutes.” Jah doesn’t say anything, turns heel, gets in his car and drives away. Jah leaves Seth a message telling him that Jah said to go home because it wasn’t right
8:15 – Jah: “Have you ever fucked anything crazy?” Seth: “My ex-wife. Wah-wah.” Jonathan tells the story about cutting a hole in a honeydew melon, softening up the outer skin/rind for a “soft open” so it didn’t grind on his prick and then fucking the melon: “It’s awesome.” Seth: “Did you see this to completion?” Jah: “And how.” Jonathan says it’s even better when you put the melon in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds. Jah then gives a nod to his female bodybuilding story from Episode 039 (10:19)
16:57 – There was a girl Jah had a crush on who was completely into Rick Ashley’s single “Never Gonna Give You Up,” and Jah said it was awesome. He got the single on cassette and listened to it on his Sony Walkman on a plane trip to impress her
23:17 – When Jonathan sent Seth to the Zeitgeist movie site, he pretended like it wasn’t anything. Seth watched it on his laptop on the couch when it was super late with the lights off, at one point he heard a noise and jumped. Seth checks the stove, the heat, the car, the closets before he goes to bed, etc. Seth can’t take showers sometimes b/c the doors close and with the shower curtain he’s convinced he’s going to get stabbed. When he has his eyes closed when the shampoo is in, that’s too much to go. He lays corpse-style on the bed after checking all the closets and everything and has night terrors
25:59 – Jah is happy that Starbucks is getting rid of their panini sandwiches and the machines that make them (first talked about in Episode 099) because the cleaning spray they used once it started to heat up and burn off was the worst-smelling crap ever
41:48 – Jah got into a conversation where he told a dude he saw pictures of the guy’s dog on Myspace, and the other girl goes “Ugh, Myspace?” Jah gets defensive and says “What, you Facebook? Really? Are you calling me out on having a Myspace page?” The only 2 pages Jah has are Jogger and Uhh Yeah Dude. He opted not to have a personal page because his might be creepy
48:18 – Because Seth has been talking about his wheatgrass shots so much, Jah walks on Ventura in Studio City to go get a double for himself (Seth gets a single). As he’s walking from one corner across the street, an attractive young lady looks at Jonathan sort of oddly and says “Are you Jonathan Larroquette?” Jonathan says “Yes I am” and she replies “I love your podcast.” Jonathan’s knees give out because he can’t believe this is happening. The girl found out about UYD from one of her friends who was in the Facebook group Uhh Yeah Dude. It’s the first time Jah has been spotted in public b/c of the podcast. He assumes she recognized him b/c of the photo on iTunes or because of the vidcast. She has been listening since the 90s.
19:25 – Seth reiterates how awesome his Halloween night experience was on Santa Monica Boulevard (Episode 089). There were police helicopters 50 feet above him, and he was surrounded by 400,000 people. From 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. it was complete pandemonium.
32:24 – Seth was trying to explain science to Amir, and Amir starts talking about gremlins and epic fantasy, which pisses Seth off
35:56 – Seth recalls a story that Jah forgets, when he once got a lapdance at Foreplay on Cotner in West L.A. on a Wednesday afternoon by himself to the Berlin song “Riding on the Metro” while crying during a crucial point in his life. Jah cracks up because he doesn’t remember it but it must be true because it sounds just like him
38:50 – Jonathan talks about the amount of parking meters in LA and how everyone drives, and wonders how he can walk down the street at 5:45 p.m. and watch someone dump $1.50 in quarters in the meter. He saw someone doing it the other day and told them that after 6 p.m. you don’t have to put money in. He doesn’t understand how people don’t know this. Jonathan gets a ticket every other week because he parks in the red zone to avoid a long walk to Seth’s apartment
47:40 – Jah’s hatred of bad feet is correlated with his Montessori pre-school that he went to. The guy that ran the pre-school fingered Jah’s butthole. The bathroom they would use was taken by another kid, so the husband of the couple that ran the school said he would take them in their bedroom, Jah walked through the bedroom where the wife was sleeping, and her hideous feet were poking out from underneath the comforter. But because of this he is grateful because he finds a pair of beautiful feet very sexy
53:25 – Seth was driving one day on Santa Monica and pulls up to a red light by a basketball park. He’s listening to Oldies 101, and he sees 30 girls wearing short shorts and t-shirts moving around, and dudes with whistles and footballs rolling around. He pulls up and realizes it’s two teams of women playing in that Sunday’s Bud Bowl. He gave a shout-out to Joanne McCarthy, Jenny’s sister, who was on one of the teams. Jah says he prefers the old-school Bud Bowl with the bottles playing against each other
55:31 – Jah’s friend sent a Mac laptop back and he got it back and it smelled horribly of body odor. He washed it and couldn’t get it off, and it was permeating from the inside. Some sweaty greasy tech had rubbed his balls on the motherboard and put it in, and when it headed up it was the worst smell ever. Jah’s friend threw it away because he couldn’t stand it anymore
3:09 – Jonathan experienced an earthquake when he was younger. In the aftermath, he, his brother and dad were stark naked, standing in the backyard. At the same moment they, without speaking, turned their backs and started to pee in their respective bushes. Jah’s mom was like “you have to be kidding me” and they all looked at each other and started laughing because they were alive. Jonathan was out of his mind high, and claims he knew the earthquake was happening before it happened because he’s “jah-lapethic.”
10:30 – Seth was standing at his Blockbuster at 10 a.m. on Tuesday wondering why they didn’t have Season 2 of Joey, but they inform him that it’s been pushed 2 weeks to April 29. He then references the Blockbuster story from Episode 108, 13:09, and how the women working there don’t like him. He then references the Leaf story from Episode 015, 20:09, saying he’s due to start using his notebook and writing things instead of speaking them because it usually stems from a “specific incident at a specific place where I’ll just cut off communiqué,” which he does at Leaf on Ventura.
17:50 – Jonathan picked up the phone to talk to his mother the other day, and she goes, “Honeydew melon, huh?” Jah was humiliated. Seth says his mother was putting up wallpaper very professionally while listening to UYD, and after hearing Jah talking about his fruit-fucking story she had to get down from the ladder and brace herself because she really adores Jonathan.
18:31 – Jonathan talks about the proper way to eat a mango, which he learned from his homeboys in Hawaii who gave him laced weed that quasi-paralyzed him (Stacy and Susan story – Episode 043, 3:10)
31:24 – The first prom Jah went to was when he was 13 years old. He went to several, and by the time it came time for his prom his hippie high school didn’t even have one. He admits that he got laid a few times
32:30 – For the third time, some person has fallen asleep and slammed into Seth’s dad’s parked car and totaled it. When his dad told Seth he had a cream-colored PT Cruiser Seth had a panic attack
36:35 – The other day, by the time Jah got home he had driven 90 miles, never having left LA County
46:42 – Seth was like Benicio del Toro at the end of Traffic – he used to drink at little league games
55:31 – Jah shifts to a more somber mood and admits that he hasn’t been completely honest with listeners over the last few weeks. He is currently separated from his wife Justine. “This show, for me personally, has taken on more and more meaning. The people that listen and the people that love it… it’s one of the best things I’ve maintained doing for a long time. I need to thank the listeners and I need to thank Seth for being a part of my life.”
28:22 – “Reduce, Reuse, Recyle. Rebuy.” Seth brings up the recycling slogan that girls he knew who grew up in L.A. schools are still singing to this day. Jonathan finds out that Sunny Levine’s mom is the one who came up with that slogan. She couldn’t believe Jah still knew the slogan by heart
45:06 – Seth went to a birthday party at Foo Bar one time for a gay friend. The sign behind the bar that said IF YOU DON’T LOOK 21, PREPARE TO SHOW ID, except the last part was spray-painted out and it said FABULOUS!
48:35 – Jah was in an Abercrombie & Fitch store around Christmastime. The whole store reeked of teen rape because they spray all their clothes with the A&F scent. “It was as if Drakkar Noir hated black people.” The place was completely dark, except the tables of clothes were spotlighted. Trance music was playing. A half-assed A&F model was standing at the door with a little bit of abs showing and cargos. As Jah walks in he goes, “Sup guys? Have a great time in there.”
56:31 – A listener calls the voicemail who had seen Episode 100 and is a videographer that has some fresh ideas for the show. He’s offered his services for Episode 200, and talked about getting together in month or two. Jah says it’s so many weeks away that he can’t even comprehend it. 85 weeks is a little premature
3:01 – The same co-workers who burned Seth with “Sofa King” tell him to write “Pen” and the number “15” on his hand, so seth writes PEN15 three times on his hand before realizing he is a penis
25:38 – Jah bought a PROPERTY OF ALCATRAZ t-shirt and a samurai sword when he was in San Francisco at age 10-11
37:40 – Seth was getting a peace out from a dude this week, and the dude says “Dream in color.” Seth is flabbergasted.
52:16 – Seth went in to pick up Season 2 of Joey on DVD and is pissed off to realize that Warner Home Video has decided to only release it in Canada. Jah assures him that he has connections in Canada and can get it for Seth
53:07 – Jah tells a story about the time that he got completely smashed-out drunk in boarding school. Drunkenness was a taboo subject around the Larroquette house b/c of his dad’s alcoholism, so Jah did everything else (acid, weed, mushrooms) before every trying alcohol. He had never been truly drunk before boarding school. He first downs a 40-oz Schlitz, goes to his other friend’s room and swigs Jack Daniel’s, walks down the trail and runs into 4 other friends who tell him they’re going to smoke a bowl and do Jäger shots. Jah starts to realize he’s pretty messed up. He heads back to his dorm, falling down quite a few times, and stumbles into his room before lights-out. Jah’s rasta roommate was not down with Jah getting drunk, and tells him he needs to cover up his breath by eating peanut butter b/c it eclipses all smells. Jah stands up, gets to the door where his RA lives, and falls face-first through his RA’s door into the room and into his arms. He then bursts into tears and says he’s so sorry, etc. The RA carries Jah into the room and into his bed. Jah puts his forehead up against the plaster wall where it’s cool and starts to puke into the wall, from where it goes back into his face and he can’t even move to avoid it. Jah eventually falls asleep in his own puke, however he did not shit or piss himself. He wakes up at 5:45 or 6 in the morning, and stumbles into the kitchen area. There’s only one thing in the refrigerator, an unopened bottle of Clamato, which he opens and smells and realizes he can’t touch it b/c he’ll puke it. He finds an econo box of Cream of Wheat and makes a grip of it. The stuff expands in his stomach (would’ve been 3 people’s servings), he drops the pot on the ground, looks at the brown linoleum floor and projectile vomits the cream of wheat into a giant white pile on the floor. His drinking career was cut short – he didn’t drink again for another 2 years
4:17 – A digression into Jah’s former prep school, Verde Valley School in Sedona, Ariz., brings Seth to question why VVS keeps sending alumni-related literature to Seth’s apartment. Jah thinks this might be b/c VVS assumes UYD is making some bank
7:14 – Seth gives a quote from his father that he said in a phone conversation with Seth: “A stiff dick has no conscience. That’s what the old timers used to say.” Seth says this is not to be confused with his Auntie Carol’s quote, “Love goes where it goes, even if it’s up the dog’s ass.” Jonathan: “What about when somebody’s having a hard time putting a key in a lock, and you say, ‘Well, if it had some hair around it.’”
21:18 – Jonathan went to see Iron Man, and says it’s fine, but everyone needs to shut up about how good it is because it’s a tad overrated. During the Indiana Jones preview, a man who is there alone gives a full standing ovation at the end of the preview. At the beginning of the Zohan trailer, everyone in the theater starts laughing. Not so much laughter during the Love Guru trailer, which Jah is legitimately excited about. Standing ovation at the end of Zohan and at the end of Iron Man
49:40 – Jonathan saw a license plate 2 days ago that said I’M NOT BALLIN. I JUST BUY WHAT I WANT. Jonathan: “I don’t even know what that means. I stood there and looked at this thing for 10 minutes hoping this person would walk out so I could ask them.”
52:00 – Jonathan has fallen asleep driving more times than he’d care to talk about. He fell asleep at a red light during a driving lesson while he was getting his license. It was on Sunset and Dohini. He fell asleep at the Hornburg Jaguar, and the instructor was like “You’re not falling asleep are you?” Jonathan was completely faded at the time.
10:47 – Seth gives a special shout-out to his favorite actress, AnnaLynne McCord (Episode 092), who he met on the streets of Hollywood, for joining the new cast of Beverly Hills 90210 playing Naomi Bennett. Seth: “It was Friday, November 16, 2007, when the universe connected the dots and put us together on Santa Monica and Ogden. And I held your hand, gently—not in any creepy way.”
20:00 – Jonathan went to his storage unit the other day in the Valley, and when he went onto the floor where his is, he got 2 doors away from it and saw one that was ajar by like a foot. One of the slat doors is open, but there’s a black curtain hanging and a dim light on. As he walks by, he smells the most pungent, perfumed lotion smell that smelled like a dirty strip club. He doesn’t hear any noise. He goes into his storage room and pulls things out, 20 minutes goes by and he hears moving around, then sees a tatted creepy dude going away. Five minutes later there’s another dude with him and they go into the room. Jah wonders to himself if the dude is blowing other dudes in the room, then passes it off. But Seth confirms that this is the Missed Connections guy. Jonathan also noticed that there were no cameras there, except it was 93 degrees inside of the place. He says there were no moving of items once he went back in there, it was just dead quiet again.
35:53 – Seth was in Whole Foods and saw a dude making sandwiches, wearing a hairnet fashioned as a chinstrap to cover his bad goatee he was working with. Seth didn’t say anything but he was just flabbergasted by the look
49:40 – Jonathan was driving the other day and saw a 19-year-old crazy hot girl wearing Varnays driving in a biodiesel Mercedes. Jah rolled down the window at a stoplight and said, “Excuse me, are those Varnays?” She laughs and says she owns three pairs of them
8:47 – Seth outs Jonathan by telling the listeners where Jonathan called him from last night: a Taco Bell. He said to the drive through man, “Can I get two 7-layer burritos?” As Jah was ordering it he realized Seth was on the phone with him, and he said to himself, Please don’t let him be writing this down right now. He knew Seth was going to bring it up during the show, and he couldn’t tell him not to because he knew for sure that he would. … Jonathan says he has done research that the beans are vegetarian at a Taco Bell, but he asks if the rice has chicken stock in it, because if it does his days are over. He’s been eating it for a long time and hasn’t wanted to look into it further.
11:25 – Jah brings up the story about accidentally calling Seth during a heated therapy session, crying about his life (Episode 062, 7:08)
17:04 – Jah reveals the story about being duped at King Kong, and after all the cinema rape he endured during the movie, he still had to cry at the end because they killed King Kong and Jah was pissed off
20:23 – Seth was in Pittsburgh and was on the incline, going up the hill and was already working out his escape plan.
20:56 – On Seth’s eighth-grade Washington trip, everyone was trying to get Seth to go on a rickety roller coaster. He was waiting in line, probably going to bail out and it started to rain while they were there so they had to leave. The craziest roller coaster Jah has been on was Viper, the last time he was there
40:32 – Seth reveals that he has a personal masseuse and the two of them have a deep understanding and respect for each other. The masseuse knows Seth’s body and can penetrate deeply.
50:20 – Jah was talking with his friend Nate the other day, and Nate made a reference to “Marky Mark.” The 18-year-old kid next to them was like “Yeah, yeah, you know what else it’s like? What’s that due who’s an actor now who used to be a model for Calvin Klein?” Jah realizes he’s not old enough to know him as Marky Mark, and has to explain it to this kid.
57:15 – Jah met Howie Mandel when he was 9 years old at the Emmys, and already thought he was the funniest person on earth. Howie was wearing a tuxedo and silver Nike Cortezes with a red swoosh and was sporting the crazy jeri curl. Seth asks him, as far as the quota of expectation to reward, if it was his best celebrity meeting. Jonathan says that meeting Jon Popper, presenting him with a portrait and then him in turn handing Jah a harmonica and then playing it in front of Popper and Popper giving him a lesson, if you could bottle those feelings, there would be nothing wrong with the world (Episode 055, 32:54).
58:57 – Seth was a freshman in high school on a field trip, and was hanging with the senior girls. They were walking by a Foot Locker and saw Jordan Knight and Joey McIntyre, and Seth walked in and asked them if they could come out. Joey high-fived everybody, and the whole bus ride home all the girls were loving Seth for it.
24:39 – A dear female friend of Seth tells him a funny yet creepy story. She lives with 3 girls in a house about a half-mile from where the studio is. She comes home one evening and there’s a sealed white envelope lying on the front doorstep of the house. This is the contents of the letter, titled, "Coming Clean:" To Whom It is Those That This Concerns: I’ll state to you what have I done. I was peeping at you from around the side of your living. I am telling you this because I don’t want my conscience eating at me anymore. Once I was peeping and saw a young lady in the shower. Another occasion I was peeping, I saw a couple preparing to have one another. In the finale occasion their, is the young lady getting out of the shower that leads to her bedroom. I have to admit I was being selfish and other things “I’m sure you might say.” I’m writing this, I can’t say please forgive me because it was a must to do. If at all you feel violated, please don’t pen your hopes against me. I’ve come to do a conscience close on these matters. And I’ll say it won’t lead to any further expectations that it is my self-control that I grasped to cease these doings. I can understand if you might call me a pervert or peeping guy. I’m trying to help myself, so if you could keep your ladies’ awareness at hand, it’ll help me to know you don’t agree with my doings. Sincerely, Ex-pervert
35:18 – Seth gets letters from Jamba Juice while rolling past their locations. The letters are apologizing for them being out of wheatgrass because of “weather-related issues.”
1:03:32 – Jonathan, Denise Richards and the lead singer for Papa Roach, Jacoby Shaddix, are in Starbucks at the same time a week ago. Shaddix drops money, Jah picks it up and Shaddix says “Good lookin’ out.” Later Shaddix whispers, “Is that Denise Richards?” and Jah says “I’m pretty sure it is” as he burns past him.
2:36 – It had been too long, so Jah went in and got a physical. Jah received a rectal exam from a male doctor who wanted to ask Jah the best way for him to learn how to play guitar. Jah told him about free guitar lessons on YouTube as his butt is being dug into, saying “it’s way easier than piano.” He had Jah turn and face the wall in the fetal position – the most vulnerable thing he’s ever felt in his whole life. The doctor dug around for a while, then went over and did paperwork for a few minutes while Jah just laid there with butthole open and lubricant in his area. When he looked over his shoulder at the doctor the doctor said, “Oh, I’m done.”
7:17 – Dude tells Seth about his experience with a bad pickup line segment. He was in Boston during the Boston Marathon, standing at a crosswalk where two attractive young girls are behind him. Another dude rolls up and says “Hey, what’s going on here today?” The girls go, “Uhh, the marathon.” Dude: “Cool,” then backs away.
9:40 – Jah recommends possibly listening to Episode 066 when Episode 122 would have regularly appeared. He spoke with a friend of his who was listening to old shows, the friend called him and told him 66 was the best. When Jah got in his car today he plugged in his iPod and it started playing the first thing on the iPod, which happened to be Episode 066. Jah agrees it was a good episode
14:39 – UYD was told about a casual encounter of a different sort – two complete strangers in Brooklyn met randomly at a bar, the dude was throwing out some UYD references, the girl picked up on it and said “UYD for life.” They locked eyes and joined forces for a one-night stand. Both parties separately contacted Jonathan to recount the story. Jah is thrilled, beside himself and jealous for these two people. Jah thinks the evening warrants a revisit at some point. “However, just for the sake of clarity, his name is actually Giovanni, it’s not Giuseppi.”
17:12 – Seth references his old doctor, Christopher Flynn at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank, who fingered his butthole when his appendix burst (originally mentioned in Episode 049, 11:24). Seth recommends that he gets him and Jah gets his doctor and they all get together for a party
39:22 – Amir kicked Jah out of his house yesterday. He had been crashing there since his separation
45:30 – Seth is genuinely pissed off because the government took his stimulus check and applied it to the $10,000 owed to the Screen Actors Guild. Seth did a commercial approximately 10 years ago for Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Crunch. During the callback he was so hung over that he had the shakes. Seth sat down, and the start of it was to start eating the cereal. He was going to die so he buried his head in a plastic bowl and ate two heaping piles of it with his crazy hair and denim jeans. He didn’t say anything so they thought he was British. He was paid as if it was a commercial airing on network TV (lot of money) even though it only ran on cable (normally less money). At the end of Seth’s spending spree where he bought a Simmons Beautyrest, the SAG told him he owed them $7,500. It was about 2 days before Christmas and a woman at SAG was holding him as he was crying. Jah remembers it being a fucking disaster
33:08 – Jah reflects on how crazy it is that his cell phone is out in the world and people are hitting him up with texts at 3:30 a.m. One dude texted him the other day about summer shoes and Jah recommended some vegan Vans
8:51 – Seth and his buds used to go pool hopping when he was a senior in high school, jump in and get drunk until they chased him off, then hop in the car and drive off. There weren’t any girls involved, as Seth now remembers
18:25 – Seth went to a baby shower once, and they had a game where you were blindfolded, had to taste the baby food and get the most flavors right. Both Jah and Seth think they should play it during an episode
31:49 – Jonathan and Seth are in the documentary “Air Guitar Nation” that was released in 2006. Justine and her friend Torey are in it as well, and when they cut to Torey in one scene he yells “Fuck You!!” to a competitor from another country. Seth claims he was wearing his Dallas Cowboys cheerleader shirt that day
50:28 – Jonathan can’t even tell us how often he was shirtless as a young son of Hollywood
1:00:09 – When Jah was in Europe, he was subscribing his friend to the show. He couldn’t find UYD on iTunes because it’s completely different, and did a search and found 5 new comments from UK-only users that he had never read before
19:25 – Seth saw Diane Cannon at Whole Foods, someone who used to be a pretty attractive woman. He couldn’t believe how badly the plastic surgery fucked her face up. “Her lips dude, were so crazy lipped out…”
21:39 – Seth also saw Jodie Foster and thought, Why is this fucking dyke taking so long? After the fourth cup that Jodie poured of balsamic vinaigrette, Seth ripped it out of her hand and she looked at him and he made his salad.
33:23 – Jah went to the Bright Spot last night and was looking at a magazine and staring at a couple that was there. They got up, went to his car, he’s in the car and the car’s started and she’s still standing outside. Jah thinks it’s wack that he didn’t open the door for her.
36:36 – Seth found this on the street at Santa Monica and Fairfax at 12:00 p.m. on the 4th of July, 2008: I am a 21-year-old looking for a roarmate to live with. Lesbiamis or gay female to move and with at a low price: $200-Goo a month. For most attend college. For more call 213-784-1703 and ask for Tiene Makey.
49:16 – Jonathan teases us by telling us he has a story for next week. Seth foreshadows some of the production that will be taking place in the studio
52:59 – Jah was standing in a liquor store the other day, and as he was buying cigarettes the guy behind the counter was fucking with him and asked for ID. Two straight cholos at the register next to him look at Jah, and say “Leave him alone man!” “Yeah, he’s the Love Guru!” They then got into a tricked Z28 with 20s and rolled out while hysterically laughing
20:56 – Jah was at a gas station two days ago, getting gouged at the pump. It’s about 10:30 p.m. and he’s filling up his tank, and sees a scantily clad young girl with tiny hot shorts and a tank top with white platforms, amazing body, super tan, kind of trashy but dope and sexy. She walks across the parking lot to the most beat-to-fuck Honda Accord Jah has ever seen with horrible window tint. She gets in, starts the engine, and “Cherry Pie” by Warrant is bumping and she’s mouthing the words and singing along. Jah looks at her and begins hysterically laughing. Jah starts his car, and she gets in reverse, drives back and rolls her window down, and says “I just want to let you know that your dreds are really sexy.” His awesome reply is, “Oh, thanks.” Jah gets home later and thinks Wait, I don’t have dreds.
26:53 – At Jah’s boarding school in Sedona, he used to get in trouble a lot and was on weekend work duty where he had to dig trenches and stuff. A guy lived in a teepee near the equestrian area named Jeff, and his job was to take care of the horses and watch the kids on work duty over the weekends. Jeff asked Jah to go get something out of the teepee, and immediately his weed radar goes off. He spots a little wooden box sitting on the top of a shrine in the teepee, and makes a beeline for it. There’s one whole perfect beautiful nug sitting in the box, and Jah swipes it then goes and gets the thing he asks for. Jah hacks away at the trench, hours later goes and takes a hike with friends and sparks the nug with some friends. Back on campus, someone runs up to him and tells him Jeff is looking for him. Jah walks up the trail, and Jeff is coming down and starts yelling “Nah man, no, I’m done!” Jah acts like he doesn’t know what Jeff is talking about, and Jeff said he’s going to go to the office and resign and deface Jah in front of everybody. It turns out the weed had been blessed in a ceremony by some crazy Native American chief. Jah still tries to lie and says he is a Rastafarian and it’s against his religion to lie and steal. Jeff looks at him and says “you’re fuckin’ full of shit.” Jah admits that he stole it and another guy talked Jeff out of losing his job over it. Jah never stole drugs ever again.
38:25 – Jah claims he didn’t get grifted one time while he was in Europe. Seth thinks the gypsies play such an old school game that Jah didn’t even know what they were stealing
47:19 – Jah saw a dude broken down on the freeway getting a gallon of gas, and looked at the dude and was almost positive it was a straight scam. He said his face looked guilty like he wasn’t supposed to be doing it.
27:36 – Jah used Mitchum deodorant in high school once, and he had an allergic reaction because it clogged his pores. He claims it literally glues your pores shut
33:00 – On his way over to the studio, Jah sees a van that he’s seen before that is absolutely covered in Jesus stickers. He saw the guy that drives the van in 7-11 with his children. Jah guesses there are 1,000 bumpers stickers on it (or 300), and the man has resorted to writing his own bumper stickers in marker and duct taping it to the van. Jah writes down a few: LOOK, THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE: BUDDHA, MOHAMMED, MOSES, KRISHNA, EVEN ELVIS – THEY’RE ALL DEAD. JESUS AND JESUS ALONE DIED AND THEN RESURRECTED NEVER TO DIE AGAIN. THAT IS WHY HE ALONE CAN GIVE LIFE ETERNAL. NEO IS NOT THE ONE – JESUS IS. NATURAL LAW CAN NEITHER EXPLAIN THE ORIGINS OF LIFE OR THE UNIVERSE. HE WHO BASES HIS ATHEISM ON SECULAR PHILOSOPHY OR SCIENCE IS BUILDING HIS HOUSE ON SINKING SAND. The man had a walkman in his front pocket and was playing with the Batman food dispenser, saying “Cool!” and trying to get his kids into it.
37:54 – Jah saw a woman in a Jack LaLanne full rigout at the Santa Monica Glow event at the Pier. It was a full adult crazy woman representing, saying basically “don’t forget about Jack.”
40:24 – David Schwimmer spoke at the first AA meeting Seth ever went to, being at rock bottom and having failed pilots, etc. (Seth is kidding). In actuality, Chuck Negron of 3 Dog Night spoke at Seth’s second meeting and gave the longest, worst speech ever. He had the worst hair ever but the best beard ever, and said something like “I got laid! … I had a lot of threesomes and a lot of cocaine!” Seth wondered what was wrong about that situation. … In Seth’s first meeting, it was super late at night and a female friend of his brought him there. He said it was wicked creepy, near Fat Beats on Melrose. A gay dude corners Seth and said “At the end of meetings we move chairs. Care to help?” Seth resigned to it but the gay guy stacked chairs so Seth was in a literal rape room. The dude gave Seth a book and told him to get sober and gave him a kiss on the cheek
49:21 – The second year Jah was in boarding school, he was more of a veteran hippie who people looked at to discover drugs. Shortly before Jah got kicked out, there were a lot of psychedelic drugs on campus. A girl there who was very cute (Jah can’t remember her name) told Jah she was thinking about tripping for the first time, didn’t know if she should do mushrooms or acid. About 12 hours go by, and Jah eats a bunch of mushrooms and is having the best trip ever. He is walking to the smoking section, and sees her walking up to him in the dark. They sit down and start talking, and Jah goes into an in-depth analysis about the difference between mushrooms and acid. He said, “You definitely need to do mushrooms, because acid is more hard edged and grindier. The patterns start shifting you in different directions, while mushrooms is more of an organic hum that you can ride…” Jah looks at her and she’s not into it. He asks her if she’s cool, and she says she just ate acid like three hours ago and is tripping balls. She stood up and said she was going back to her dorm, and walked away. Later on people asked Jah what he said to her.
4:17 – Jah remembers sitting with GNR’s “Lies” and flipping through the booklet and reading Axel’s objectionable lyrics at the time
21:20 – Jah was trying to rescue a dog, and put up signs for a dog that wasn’t his. For two weeks he got calls on his cell phone from these Asian school kids who would say “I have your daaaawg! We want a million dollars or we’re going to turn it into chop suey!!” then hysterically laugh. Jah kept the messages because they were so funny.
24:27 – Seth saw Titanic and loved it, then he went to see Leonardo’s follow-up, The Beach, at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. He bought the tickets two weeks in advance because he thought it would sell out, then he walked into the theater at 7:00 p.m. on a Friday night and there was nobody in the theater
26:04 – Seth went to see the South Park movie with two friends, then found 3 10-year-olds who fit Seth and his buds perfectly and acted like they were brothers
27:15 – Seth and Jah talk about the earthquake that hit Los Angeles the other day. When it hit, Seth was driving to work down Melrose. He watched a woman run out of the Party Store with her arms up, went through the green light at Marino’s restaurant, was listening to “Everything Zen” by Bush on KROC, then he heard nothing on the radio, then he hears the DJ say “Oh my god that was an earthquake.”
35:32 – When Jah’s mom was breastfeeding his sister, she had a friend who had had a kid at the same time, they were both breastfeeding at the same time and suggested swapping babies
51:08 – Jah saw about 15 minutes of a sitcom that used to be on called Living Single. He claims that the opening sequence is so crazy and absolutely astonishing
55:00 – Seth traveled to Oxnard, Calif., last weekend, to see the Dallas Cowboys in training camp. He stood there and waited for Tony Romo, calling out his name. He waved to his favorite cheerleader, Brooke Sorensen
7:41 – Jah got a ticket for going 66 mph in a 35 mph zone this week. He denies that he was going this fast. The cop had braces where the top looked different from the bottom, and Jah couldn’t stop staring at him. Seth says he would’ve said, “Thanks for the ticket, brace face!!” before driving off
39:34 – One time Seth was at Sunset Junction fucked up and had to go to a McDonald’s to get away from it. He saw the creepiest white old pedophile with a 10-year-old black kid, laughing and slapping. Seth knew it wasn’t right and that he had to do something about it, but he was so fucked up that he went back into the Junction. He still thinks about the fact that the kid is now gone and it’s Seth’s fault
1:00:38 – Seth got a voicemail from a listener who said UYD should pose the question “Where do you listen to UYD?” then every listener could post a picture or posting of where they do it
12:41 – Jah wonders if Louis Gossett Jr. won an Oscar for Enemy Mine, and after Seth references the 1983 TV show V, Jah admits he used to be obsessed with that show when he was a kid
17:54 – Seth is in Whole Foods and sees paparazzi standing outside, and realizes he’s seen a grip of celebrities in there and never saw paparazzi before. Thinking that Brad Pitt is in there, he goes over by the produce and sees Lauren Conrad and Lo hanging out. He grabs a Think Thin bar, comes back and starts to applaud, saying “Monday the 18th, 10 p.m., could not be more excited.” Lo gives him the dirtiest look that hits Seth deep. LC, wearing a fedora and sundress, looks back with perfect white teeth and is loving it. Jah wonders how Seth got that and Jah got Brody Jenner three times in the same week. Seth got Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill two times at Whole Foods
22:27 – Jah got caught watching the Olympics the other night and then was informed that he was supposed to be boycotting them. Jah says he gets a little randy watching them. Late at night they’re broadcasting live on USA, which peeps Jah to some of the network’s programming, including Burn Notice, which shows the close-up of the lead character’s mouth with a beach in the background
29:30 – Last week, following the recording of UYD on Jah’s birthday, a group of friends decided to go to a nightclub called Hyde on the Sunset Strip, at the suggestion of Guy Logan. Jah shrugs off after the show because that kind of club has a panic-inducing effect on Jah, then Seth comes out with a new shirt on and everyone convinces Jah to come. Jah brought his car in case he wanted to roll out early. Jah parks, walks out, gets 20 feet from the front door of the place and sees Dimitri standing outside alone, and thinks they beat everyone there somehow. Dimitri says that Seth just went in to get Guy and realizes they’re both already inside, and that this might not go too well for him. Jah is standing awkwardly outside of the nightclub and goes up to the beautiful woman at the door, and says “I thought Greenblatt’s went out of business.” About 10 minutes into it, he hears “Fuck you then, come out here!” and an enormous dude with plucked eyebros and a superstarched giant cuffed shirt and True Religion jeans tucked into a witch’s cowboy boot gets thrown out by the bouncers. Dimitri is being patient and tries to send texts to Guy, then re-explains that Seth saw Dimitri out there. Fifteen minutes go by, and Jah decides he’s no longer comfortable standing outside of this club. He gets in his car, and Dimitri does the same. Jah peels out and makes a right, and sees Guy’s face peeking out the door, then pulls over and runs up to the door, asks the bouncer to go in and get him, but the bouncer tells him to just text him. Jah texts Dimitri to text him Guy’s number, instead gets a call from Dimitri who tries to calm him down for 25 minutes before he rolls out. The title of Jah’s birthday escapade is “Herpes and Hyde.”
55:55 – Seth dips back into the Hyde story, saying it was the best night ever, walking into an oasis of everything the Hollywood nightlife should be. Basically, it was 100 wicked hot girls standing on top of shit pumping their arms and then 100 of the biggest losers you’ve ever seen in your life doing the same thing but lower, beneath them. Seth found a $5 bill on the ground, “Oh, is that a fin?” and keeps rolling on.
10:25 – Jah was talking with his parents this week about his mom’s brother who passed away in England last month. They started talking about the last time he saw them, and by some crazy sequence of events Jah’s grandmother (Dad’s mom) and Uncle Arthur came to stay with them over the holidays. Post-Christmas, the Larroquettes all left and left them in the house together. When they returned, there was an episode with the housekeeper who hung around with them and developed a crush on Arthur and they spent New Year’s together. Arthur tells them that the housekeeper (referred to as “Lucha”) had gotten really drunk, and started taking her pants off in front of them and writhing around (Jah’s uncle is 375 pounds, by the way). She at one point disappears, and is lying in the bathroom with pants around ankles, and they have to pick her up and put her in the bed. There was never a mention of it until the Larroquettes were reminiscing later on.
13:26 – Jah’s housekeeper had a brother who was a plastic surgeon and said he would give her a really good price for a facelift, she went down to Guatemala to get it and came back and her face was so fucked up, looked as if it was filled with chicken fat or something
15:42 – Jah rehashes the story of him and Seth seeing Minority Report at the Arclight (Episode 051, 36:35), when a dude stood up in the back of the theater afterward and yelled “Shame on you Spielberg!”
18:12 – Seth brings up his interaction with Lo at Whole Foods last week, and quotes Audrina to reinforce his point: “Lo’s always super bitchy, that’s just the way she is.” Seth couldn’t agree more: “Fucking bitch. She’ll rue the day.”
33:57 – Seth and Jah couldn’t get married because Jah is still legally married. Jah says that they should have a contest in which listeners should write an essay about why Seth would marry the listeners in a legally-bound ceremony
43:20 – The most Seth has ever won on a lottery ticket is when he was in Massachusetts for his cousin’s wedding and he bought a $10 scratcher Red Sox ticket. He won $7 and actually asked for the cash. Jah asks listeners to chime in with their top winnings, and if they can prove it because they’re mostly lying fucks
1:02:00 – Seth goes HD in the studio. He spent an hour and 68 minutes going back-and-forth from his SD Sportscenter to his HD Sportscenter. Seth finally got rid of his original model Tivo (PTV300) that Jah gave him seven years ago. It’s going for $8.99 on eBay right now. Jah remembers getting his second Tivo and saying he needed to give the first model to Seth
3:56 – Jah went to Catholic school for a short period of time, and used to draw crazy Satanic stuff during Bible class and listen to Slayer. He remembers when girls used to roll their skirts up but only did it once. He now regularly sees girls walking on Larchmont with multiple rolls on their Catholic school skirts.
15:12 – Seth hasn’t been to the East Coast during the winter in about 15 years, but the last time he was there he still remembers the bone-chilling walk from the house to the car.
43:52 – Jah watched a dude pay the door fee at the strip club, walk in, soak up 30 seconds of a chick showing her gash on stage and then asking for his money back on the way out and joining his friends who were waiting in the car for him.
45:05 – Seth was getting a coffee at his Whole Foods and saw a really attractive girl looking at a muffin, then saw a dude standing next to her waiting to say something, then when she turned around he acted like he was waiting for his coffee. Seth wanted to ask him what was up with that sweet move.
46:13 – Jah was mentioning a story to someone the other day and in the middle of it started questioning whether the story was true. He thus proceeds to call his father on his cell in the middle of the show and ask if, when he was younger, he jumped in bed with his parents when he was tripping balls. His dad confirms that the story was indeed true. Jonathan was about 15-16 years old, his parents were asleep in the bed in Malibu. Jah knocked on the balcony door, walked in very happy to see them. He proceeded to crawl in the bed between the two parents, professed his undying love for them and his intention to never, ever leave the house. Mr. Larroquette figured he was tripping because he could have put a floodlight in his eyes and they wouldn’t have dilated. Jah made his mother very happy in saying he would never leave the house. Jah didn’t stay in bed, he just went downstairs and probably masturbated to women’s bodybuilding. Mr. Larroquette: “It was very nice of you to call and remind us of that wonderful, blissful night.”
56:39 – Seth remembers when he and his mom used to watch Growing Pains and he saw Kirk Cameron wearing double collared shirts, and Seth came in for school picture day wearing that getup. As a result Seth was voted ‘Cutest’ at Dustin Hunkin Middle School in the eighth grade. Jah desperately needs to know that and see that
1:01:27 – Jah got a message from a listener who just listened to Episode 027, in which serial killer Wayne Adam Ford is referenced at the 54:30 mark. The listener is a reporter who interviewed the Humboldt County Sheriff deputy who Wayne Adam Ford handed the female tit to. Listener said he also drank at the bar that Ford was in when he decided to turn himself in, and he hasn’t gone back there since
16:40 – Seth retells the story from Episode 078, 8:14 about his dad getting pissed off at him when he was in eighth grade for saying the line I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffleball bat... when remaking the Beastie Boys’ “Paul Revere.”
16:54 – Two weeks before that talent show, Seth had gotten busted by his father again for stealing a Degas art book and looking at tits on painted ballerinas
18:27 – Seth didn’t get “Class Clown” in his middle school yearbook, but he did later in high school. He saw a dude with a Spuds McKenzie shirt on the first day of school and he let him know about it, brought in his Spuds cozy and decided he had four years to prove himself. He also won “Biggest Sports Fan” and “Best School Spirit.”
18:50 – Jah didn’t get to earn superlatives because he went to all fucked-up alternative schools where there were 15 kids and six teachers. Jah had a gay teacher in his boarding school, and he went over to their off-campus house for dinner where there was a gay couple making them dinner. Seth: “Hey you guys want to do some origami before appetizers? … Why are you at this guy’s house barefoot, playing didge, smoking weed and having origami sessions?!”
25:34 – Jah asks Seth to rehash the story (from Episode 095, 35:13 and Episode 007, 15:48) about Seth’s friend who did a stretch in the Twin Towers Correctional Facility, and the guards would shut off Friends episodes 5 minutes before the ending just to frustrate the inmates
27:20 – Seth brings up Jah’s story about stealing the nug from the guy in the teepee, making fun of him for acting incredulous at being accused, as a Rasta, for thievery. (Episode 124, 26:53)
31:21 – Jah went to pick Justine up from Cedar Sinai Hospital after her knee surgery, and he saw a sign at the hospital that said something about SAFE BABY DROP and had a diagram. Seth says the only places you can legally drop a kid 30 days from the birth are hospitals, fire stations and the UYD studio. Seth says that if a baby is dropped at the studio, they will raise the baby as their own and it will become the President.
47:36 – Jah remembers the first kid who started saying gasunheicht when someone would sneeze, then kept saying it throughout the school year
56:42 – Seth recalls when he got his Spuds McKenzie cozy on his eighth grade Washington DC trip, when he saw a dude selling blue blockers. Jah agrees that 1987 was a great year – it was the year he began listening to hip-hop music
26:38 – Jah was watching a 9-year-old on the side of the road, and he was sitting on the curb with his body contorted in a weird way. Jah figured out he was texting and his body was all jacked up trying to do it on his tiny phone. Jah thought he was too young to be texting, then realized he’s old as balls
34:54 – Jah took a flight last week on Virgin America, which he compared to being inside of an iMac because everything is ambient lighting and white plastic and everything has a sheen to it. In-flight entertainment was tv, video games, internet access, drinks you can order from the screen by swiping your credit card and an ichat where you can talk to other passengers on the plane. Jah says there were super fruit gay flight attendants on board
41:14 – On Jah’s return flight, he was running quite late and got checked in, gave his boarding pass and entered a long line at security. He got to where it split into the 3-4 metal detectors, and a guy in front of him opened a bottle of water and started drinking it. Jah walks around him and asks if he could jump ahead, the guy nods with a mouthful of water and when Jah had gotten 4-5 feet away the guy said “Just pay it forward. Let somebody else go around you in line next time.”
52:49 – Seth was at a baseball practice as a young boy standing on the pitcher’s mound going apeshit, scratching his head, and someone realized that one of his teammates had lice and they were all sharing the same helmet
53:36 – In preschool, Jah remembers seeing a girl in front of him pulling a piece of her hair to the side and Jah could visibly see eggs in her infested hair (Episode 039, 39:35)
2:17 – Seth went into a Taco Bell and couldn’t get past the odor in the lobby. He ordered beans, rice, sour cream and guacamole. They covered the beans in a gross red sauce but didn’t mind the beans as is. The rice was disgusting, the sour cream was just OK and the guacamole was disgusting. He did, however, love the caramel apple empanada, even though it burned his mouth when he bit into it.
8:47 – When Jah was in Barcelona, sitting outside of a topless place waiting to get inside, he was talking with Simon. He looks up and Dallas Raines, an LA meteorologist, is walking past him, and Jah blurted out “Dallas Raines” the same way he did with James Worthy. Jah told Dallas he was awesome. Jah tries to explain what happened, looked up and saw two very attractive teenagers, and realizes that they’re with Joan Allen.
11:37 – Seth saw Shirley McClain in Abiquie, N.M., when he fled there for Y2K. He was standing by a grocery store with his friend John Buckley and had just seen her at the Egyptian in Hollywood.
15:45 – Seth is in Larchmont sitting on a bench, looking at a dude who is so tanned that he’s orange. He’s probably on crystal, wearing denim shorts and a Hollister t-shirt. A girl rolls up to pick him up and goes “You look so F-ing tan!” Orange dude replies “I’ve been tanning my ass off!” and they roll out.
27:25 – Jah has 2 stories, and tells Seth he has to choose. One is something that happened recently and involves someone from the past, while the other one took place many years ago and involved a girl he was having relations with. Seth chooses the most recent one. Here goes: Last weekend Jah went to a bar, PJ’s, with his friend Dimitri. Jah was moderately stoned, got to the door and the song “Californication” is playing at a loud volume. The place is packed with some middle-of-the-road 20-somethings. They get up to the bar, Jah orders a Newcastle, Dimitri orders a cocktail. Jah is turned away from the bar not enjoying himself, and gets a nudge from a dude who says “What are you hippies doing in my bar?” They turn around and it’s a dude his height with a backward canvas hat. The guy talks about “I see you guys from a mile away and it’s like ding-ding-ding.” Guy says his name is Johnny also, and reveals a Ween hat with the song “Johnny on the Spot” on it. Dude gives Jah his phone number and says to come by some time. Jah looks at Dimitri coyly and says “I got a phone number.” D meets a girl there and Jah is out of sorts. The bar starts shutting down, Jah goes outside, they spot two girls and D identifies one as a vegan chef. D asks Jah if he wants to roll to a party with them, and it turns out it’s “Johnny on the Spot’s” house. Jah sees people on the street in front of the place, looks up and sees a guy his age and sees that it’s Mike, a guy who used to be his boy but got kicked out of school in the 11th grade. Jah is pretty sure he was wearing a Phish shirt that he had in 11th grade. Mike, whose last name rhymes with lobotomy, offers to play some songs from his bluegrass band, and they go inside the acid-drenched apartment. A jam ensues, and Johnny on the Spot plays banjo. Dimitri is shut down, and in the middle of the jam Jah gets so uncomfortable that he picks up a guitar and starts playing. There’s a dude playing bongos, and Mike is all of a sudden shirtless. The girls they went with have been drinking a lot, and one of them is basically asleep. The jam ends, Mike moves across the room and puts his arm around the girl. Mike pulls out his phone, and is whispering in the girl’s ear, and Jah tells the girl’s friend that they’re leaving. Mike is pushing up on the girl at this point, 5-6 minutes go by. The girls say Mike is a fucking creep, he was pulling her into the kitchen as they were leaving. Jah declares it was the worst night ever. The guy has Jah’s phone number and is now listening to the show, during which Jah is ripping on him. Seth wishes he would’ve asked for the other story. Jah pledges it will come next week.
47:00 – Seth recalls a school assembly where they pump the smell of marijuana into the school cafeteria, and Seth got upset and said it smelled like his daddy. Seth comes to the realization that his dad would let him ride the go-carts, go for a walk and come back with that weird smell. “Your father has a lot on his mind, son.” Seth: “Yes he does.”
57:31 – Seth recalls that when they first started the show, Jah’s mother thought Seth was really into firefighters and wondered if he had a crush on them (Episode 003, 0:57)
1:26 – Seth and Jonathan reminisce on their old Big Wheels. Jah had a Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel, and looked even cooler when he could pull the plastic seat all the way back, and he could do a spin-out with the power brake. His parents have a picture of Jah butt-naked on the Big Wheel, where he is acting like he just got shot
7:28 – Jah admits that he wore a rosary at one point as an accoutrement/accessory. Seth tries to wrap his head around it. Jah thinks he wore this around his Catholic school time
28:32 – Jah is walking around the 3rd Street Promenade today, and walks past the Apple Store and sees 400 people in it buying crazy stuff. It makes him wonder if it really is tough economic times for everyone. Seth reinforces this when he says he went in there to get a new cord for his laptop and saw hundreds of people in there. Seth also sees people at Whole Foods dropping $260 in a single visit
43:10 – Jonathan went to the Playboy Mansion when he was a 9- or 10-year-old kid for a fundraiser that his family attended. The Bunnies were waitressing with full satin bunny outfits and ears. He remembers walking around the pool and getting taken into the grotto to see hot topless girls, going into the arcade room, walking into a waterbed room that had color TVs cut into the walls, and Jah got a kid-boner while a normal 30-year-old woman asked him if he was supposed to be there. He then mustered up the courage to introduce himself to the Hogan brothers (Jeremy Licht and Luis Daniel Ponce) from the Hogan Family, who were sitting at a table together.
47:34 – Jah delivers on his other story that he promised in Episode 133. Approximately 10 years ago, he was hanging out with a girl he had known for a long time, and they started sleeping together. They meet a few times at his apartment. Jah reveals that he has a very sensitive right nipple that can be stimulated during intercourse, and this girl, of course, was aware of this. It’s late one night, and it comes down to do the deed. She asks if he has a condom, he opens the drawer and the wrapper to the condom was opened, so he says he can’t use it and it’s his last one. She wants him to go to the store, but it’s 3:30 a.m. and he doesn’t want to leave. She’s miffed about this and they’re both worked up at this point. Jah is laying down in the bed during this cool-down moment, and she lays next to him on his bare chest, moves toward his nipple and bites down on it in an excruciating way. Jah instinctually hits her on top of her head with a gavel striking motion, and she looks up at him and has vacated the premises, then falls over eyes crossed. Jah yells “Why did you do that!” over and over again. She got up and was completely out of it, and that was the last time they ever slept together. Jah saw her years later and they talked about B.S. at a New Year’s party. The incident didn’t even get brought up because enough time had passed.
2:19 – Seth was watching a recording on his new DVR, and there was an emergency alert system about a missing child, it popped out of what he was watching and goes to the station Seth had left it on last. Seth went from watching the Colbert Report, then got the EMS message, then got the QVC that he had been watching at 3:30 a.m. the night before. He was also trying to watch a close call in a football game in slow motion, but his cable DVR doesn’t make it go slow enough to catch the details
9:03 – Jah starts to tell a story about being in a supermarket, then stops himself to ask Seth hypothetically: “When you go in line and there’s only one checker open, and you see somebody standing in line with nothing in their hands, do you let them go ahead if you’re shopping.” Seth: “Never, unless they’re elderly or female.” Jah says that Seth can’t take the courtesy if he never gives it, the same way that you have to let people in front of you in traffic so you can do your own cutting later
10:32 – Seth describes his Sunday night dinner: Taco Bell, two sides, just beans and a caramel apple empanada. Stops by the 7-11, gets a peanut butter Cliff bar, a Diet Sunkist and a Strawberry Muscle Milk
14:56 – Jah’s question about John Wayne Bobbit’s porn – John Wayne Uncut – segues into Seth’s story about going to see that movie at The Combat Zone in Boston. The Combat Zone is a shady area of Boston, and he went with two of his buddies in 1993 but they couldn’t go in there. They were both actors and Seth got mad at them, asked them to play characters because they used to get on the T and create elaborate acting situations involving reunions, etc., but wouldn’t go into the theater with Seth. They paid the money and stood in the back but there was all kinds of jerking off and bleached cum everywhere, forcing Seth to dodge loads everywhere
17:04 – Jah: “I ….” Seth: “You OK?” Jah: “I came on my own face today.” Jah apologizes to his and Seth’s mother for saying this, then claims that he was horizontal, not vertical when this happened. Seth has knocked posters off of walls before. Jah: “I had straight jizz beard this morning.” Seth: “Hey can I have a piadini?” “Sir there’s something on your eyelash.”
24:03 – When Jah was a kid he would say “duckin’ ashtoes” because he would hear his dad say “fucking assholes” and that’s how he interpreted it as a child
40:30 – Seth’s dad would take a stick and put it in the sand and tell Seth what time it was. Jah also did that back in the day. Jah also made fire by rubbing a stick around
55:20 – When Seth saw Tiesto at Ibiza, he took two red Ferraris, before he knew it he was in the middle of the beach at 3 a.m. shirtless, those things kicked in, the girl next to him took a compact mirror out and pulled his face to make out with him because she was getting so excited about it. Jah: “That was the most real fake story I’ve heard.”
21:10 – Seth asks Jah to put his microphone out as he does the same and they pick up some audio of a girl screaming. It turns out that this is a fold-out from a magazine, which Seth was reading at 3 a.m. in complete silence on his couch. He is shaken with sheer terror to his core as the girl screams in his ear. The ad is for Spike channel’s Scream 2008 schedule for Oct. 21
26:21 – Seth was watching an MMA fight on CBS and laughed at the fact that the announcer kept working in horrible plugs for other CBS shows. In the middle of two guys squaring off: It’s a pure domination, it’s similar to the way CSI dominates the primetime ratings. … That groundwork, see he is pinned and cornered down, but he will not tap out, he’s a Survivor, similar to the CBS show Survivor, where they have a tribal council, but you must stay in and survive.
49:39 – Jah was driving home after the show last week, getting onto the freeway. He had the windows open and music on, and he was really thinking about the Blind vs. Deaf argument (Episode 135, 31:29). After much pondering, Jah came to the conclusion that he couldn’t fathom not being able to look at Seth. And Seth says that he couldn’t fathom not listening to Jah. Jah says that they couldn’t do the show if they were both deaf.
29:22 – Seth has really been sizing some situations up lately. He’s been carrying his notebook and pen in hand, because sometimes when it comes right down to it he feels you “just have to write it down.” He says the assignment this week for all listeners should be to carry said paper and pen and instead of speaking to a person during the course of their day, they need to write it down – similar to how Seth did it at Leaf in Episode 015, 20:09.
33:51 – Jah was driving down the street the other day and saw a bushy-haired 17-year-old kid with acne looking pretty stoned driving a Nissan Xterra and wrote PHISH: MARCH 6, 7 & 8 in grease marker on all three windows. This is Jah’s homie.
35:02 – Seth was at a Phish show in San Francisco at some big outdoor venue when they moved their first chess piece – it was labeled one of the 5 greatest Phish shows of all time. Seth doesn’t really remember it so well because he was so high he was on the ground leaning on the exhaust pipe of the car he drove up in, and the person who drove it turned the car on and came back out and asked him if he was cool. Seth didn’t even realize he turned it on.
7:56 – Seth went to the California Science Center today and saw a traveling exhibit for school kids across America called Target America: Opening Eyes to the Damage Drugs Cause. Seth got there at 10 a.m., joined the kids who were on a field trip and he got bum-rushed on the third floor. He saw an actual jungle cocaine processing plant, while sitting with a 6-year-old black boy and an 8-year-old white girl. He saw recreations like a crack house with a tipped over baby crib and a handgun next to the bed, a bedroom of a teen girl who accessed the web to get illegal drugs – a scary scene for Seth, another where you press a red button and lights come up and a hotel rises up, you’re in any motel in the country, where they’re making crystal meth. He also was surrounded by hoop nightmares, where he was making shots, then he put on the glasses that recreated intoxication and missed shots and kids laughed at him. He walked through a drug smuggling tunnel as well.
2:18 – Jah has a little bit of a beef with Michael Keaton, and he says he will tell us shortly
2:58 – Jah was about 15-16 years old and was in Sun Valley, Idaho, snowboarding. His family was going up there quite a bit and his parents were about to move up there. It was during the holiday season, and at some point in his snowboarding day, the Rasta-fied Jonathan wearing full dreds and his snowboarding rigout went into the lodge to get a cup of coffee and sit down for a while. He sits at a table by himself, and he’s trying to look cool with all these girls his age walking around. As Jah looks up, Michael Keaton is sitting at an adjacent table and he has just said something to all the people at the table, Keaton is looking at Jah and all the people turn and look at him as well and burst out laughing
9:02 – Jonathan was served some legal papers this week pertaining past speeding tickets and failure to appear. It’s gone to collections but he’s dragging ass taking care of it because it’s expensive
9:50 – Seth was on the phone with Jah this week and some old man got Jah so mad on the road that he threatened to “eat him” after the old man was making gestures in the rear-view mirror to make sure Jah recognized his presence (similar to road rage story from Episode 063)
13:28 – Seth went to a carnivale in West Hollywood. He was walking down the street with his friend Teddy and sees Kevin Pollack walk past him in black face and Army fatigue camo. Everyone is on drugs and there are helicopters flying overhead, it’s mass pandemonium. Seth hits Teddy to inform that this is Kevin Pollack. Pollack gets excited that he recognizes him, and says “I’m the dude playing the dude that’s disguised as another dude!” referring to Robert Downey Jr.’s character in Tropic Thunder.
47:56 – Jah talks about a voting experience he had: he walked into the oldest crop of people volunteering to help, and hears a dude walk in with an Eastern European accent. They tell him he’s registered over at the fire station, and needs to go over there to vote. They offer to let him go there or do a provisional ballot at the current location. He grabs the provisional ballot, fills it out. Jah sees him – he’s wearing bleached True Religion jeans with huge boot cuts and super-long cowboy boots, sunglasses and a silk shirt. Jah hears him going through it and is making so much noise, and is talking about how hard he has to press to make it go through. One of the volunteers informs him that he’s using a marker, and he doesn’t need to push it through. Then he tells him to maybe take his glasses off, and the man replies that “Yeah, I’m getting old and need glasses” so he doesn’t get it.
8:50 – Jonathan had a “minor” episode while driving today. He was on Wilshire, turning left onto Santa Monica in Beverly Hills. He was trying to get over into a double left turn lane from two lanes over, he signals to get over into a gap and starts to accelerate, and a Dodge Caravan accelerates and gets on his ass by the time he gets over. Jah looks in his rear-view mirror and sees what appears to be a mom and her daughter. He gets in the lane, and faces a double-double yellow emergency lane until it gets to the turn lanes. Traffic slows to about 20 mph and the Caravan driver guns it through the emergency lane and gets back in front of Jah. Jah looks at the back of the car for the first time, where he sees a Jesus fish with the cross inside of the fish, and a license plate holder that says CHRISTIANS AREN’T PERFECT, THEY’RE JUST FORGIVEN BY A GOD WHO IS. Jah immediately gets furious, and rides her ass for about four traffic lights after that. Seth: “Screaming ‘No on 8’ after her?”
20:08 – Seth watched Wifeswap this week and calls it “quality fucking shit.” This is his new favorite show
56:42 – Jonathan has been in a gun store before, and transitions into a series of events that involved him once getting a hunting rifle for a trip he and his father took, at a cattle ranch where they could shoot prairie dogs b/c the prairie dogs dig holes that the cattle trip into and then get eaten by coyotes. At this point in Jah’s life he thought he could handle something like this. Another man Mr. Larroquette knew who was a big game hunter went with them. It turned into a difficult experience for Jonathan, who successfully scoped and shot a few prairie dogs and subsequently got fucked up by it. He did, however, have fun shooting targets with the guns. One night they were all sitting around the campfire talking about guns, and one guy had a Gloc handgun with him with glow-in-the-dark sights. The clip was removed from the gun so Jah sat there with it, with the gun pointed down with his hand on his leg. The gun all of a sudden went off, and fired a round that was in the chamber straight into the ground between his two feet. As soon as it goes off Jah’s ears ring and he’s in total shock
25:55 – On Wednesday morning, a complete stranger walked by Seth and just said “Obama!” Seth was flabbergasted because it’s almost December, but Jonathan says it’s understandable because everyone in LA is partying hard. Seth also says he read about two people hooking up and while they were boning down the girl was moaning “Obama…”
50:28 – Seth says there are some punk kids in his neighborhood that have tagged the front of his apartment building claiming their set. He says a bunch of them sit out front and smoke blunts, and they have drawn an elaborate marijuana leaf that has all their names written by it
52:19 – Jonathan’s mom dropped him off at the worst daycare once. He said it was a nightmare; a scarring childhood experience. The worst part of it was that his mom didn’t want to leave him either but had no choice at the time. It was a hellpit of a house filled with filthy white children, dirty East LA sci-ti kids. He literally saw lice jumping off kids’ heads, the place smelled like puke and cheap dinner. “It was like where you go to get fucking killed. I didn’t think I was coming back.” Jah’s mom didn’t see what he saw, but he had a full-fledged panic attack
2:07 – Seth was a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service for one summer. He carried spray mace, which he sprayed on a dog, but the wind blew it back in his face and on his forearms, and he got to go home for the day because it burned. There was also a day where he delivered an entire street of mail to the wrong side of the street. He didn’t do anything to correct it. There was another time that he went by a big mailbox that led into a residential area, which he was supposed to have been emptying for the last three weeks, and he finally opened it and the mail dumped out onto the ground. He would jack people’s Sports Illustrated magazines and other publications he liked to read
6:36 – Jah bought a cassette four-track recorder from a guy in an office building in the Valley last year through a Craig’s List ad. He went to meet him and was pretty sure there was a fair amount of cocaine done in that office. The guy told Jah there was an old tape in it, and it turned out to be Warrant. By the end of the conversation the dude was inviting Jah to go see Warrant with him that night at the House of Blues
22:07 – Jah’s friend was watching a dude getting a blowjob in West Hollywood once in a station wagon, and the bumper sticker on the back said HAPPINESS IS BEING A GRANDPA
22:23 – When Seth says “suck it hippie,” Jah wonders when Seth said someone would say that to Jonathan after forcing him to blow him. Seth says it was Huell Howser (Episode 017, 51:48). A gay dude Seth knew was with other friends of his and they hooked up with Huell and Huell said “suck it hippie.” Huell is an old-timey dude from Oklahoma who’s on public access touring everything you could possibly tour in California. Huell tried to get up on Seth’s shit in Larchmont, and Seth avoided him.
23:50 – Seth was in a knock-off of a 99 Cents Store buying index cards down the street. He put them on the counter and there was a cute young girl working there. He’s getting out a dime to go with his dollar because the total is $1.07. He’s looking and there’s pregnancy tests behind the counter, and he asks for a few of them because he knows he’ll have fun with them handing them to girls he knows. He’s taking money out of his back pocket to buy the tests, and the cashier pushes them toward him and says “They’re good.” Seth backs away slowly and walks to his car, insinuating that she was being dead serious.
59:52 – Seth was talking to a dude today who grew up in England. A girl Seth knows was married to a British guy, so she gave him a British aptitude test, and Seth was like “let’s burn this fool!” She took it from a bunch of different angles and he got all 10 questions wrong. Seth talked smack to the guy and then gave him an American aptitude test, and asked him “who was the character in Cheers when he came into the bar everyone yelled out his name?” The dude looked at him like he had no idea what he was talking about, and then said “don’t give me old people shit though.”
1:01:39 – Seth was driving listening to his country station on the radio and they were announcing a giveaway for 3 nights in Vegas, and the trivia question was Who has an amusement park named Dollywood after her? A) Tim McGraw, B) Shania Twain or C) Dolly Parton? Seth almost drives the Plymouth Sundance off the road as the DJ tries to dumb it down for the listeners
0:37 – When Jonathan was in boarding school, there was a call that he and his buddies made to each other because the campus was so big and when they’d go hiking they’d want to know if they were people they wanted to see or not. The call was howdoyouknow really fast and called kind of like a bird and they had to reply with the same call
14:55 – Jah is still flipping out about how cheap gas is. He walked into a gas station to buy cigarettes two hours ago, gave the cashier a card and the guy scoffed at him and was like “No gas? Why not? Look what happened.” Jah couldn’t believe when he looked at the sign and it was $1.60
16:21 – Jah bought a $6.10 pack of cigarettes from a 7-11 the other night (Camel Non-Filters)
24:38 – Seth brushes off the fact that he spent a day with Britney Spears back in 2001 while acting in the movie Crossroads, then spills some honesty. The day he went to the set, he thought it was the single best thing ever, and he would love it forever. He went to the trailer, and they told him where hair and makeup was. There was an enormous black security dude standing there, and they stopped him, and someone with a headset said to let Seth in, and when he came in he sat down next to Britney Spears while she was getting her hair and makeup done. “What happened in that trailer? I will never tell.” Jah: “No, you shouldn’t. Because it was a disaster.” Seth: “It was between me, it was between Britney—” Jah: “And the Los Angeles Police Department.”
42:13 – Seth shares a somewhat frightening story about carbon monoxide in his apartment. Around this time last year Seth was kneeling down and Jah said “The whole room turned upside down.” And Seth agreed that he had had a splitting headache all day. Jah left that night, Seth watched TV until 3 or 4 in the morning. He woke up with a headache that was really bad all day and all night. He had to kneel down at one point in the show and convinced himself it was because he drank so many Diet Pepsi Maxes. He called his mother and she asked if the gas was on. The morning before on Thursday morning it was so cold that he turned the heat on, but they hadn’t lit the furnaces in the basement, so the apartment had been filling since 10 a.m. Thursday morning. Jah got there at 10 p.m. Thursday night and noticed something. Seth called the Fire Department on Friday and they had to send somebody else. Seth was embarrassed to tell Jonathan that he almost killed him. Seth’s mom got him a carbon monoxide detector because she loves him so much
59:00 – Jah got a $75 parking ticket right before the show started for parking in the red zone in front of Seth’s house, and they tacked on another $25 ticket for not having a front license plate on the bumper (he had it in the windshield)
2:34 – Seth was on the phone with Jonathan today, they got off the phone, Jonathan said something that made Seth drop the phone, then Seth called Jah back 3 times in a row and Jah never picked it back up. Jah forgets what he said, but Seth reminds him: “Ciao.”
7:16 – Jah knew a girl named Savannah who was so cute in a summer acting camp that he went to. Seth calls it “Camp Actingcamp”
8:25 – Jah reveals that his driver’s license photo is dreadful. Seth describes Jah as leaning back, eyes half closed, gritting his teeth, full beard mustache, looking as if he’s “committed things that could or could not be deemed unsavory.” It’s the kind of license where you hand it to an officer and you are getting a ticket. Jah explains that it was an accident. He had to redo something and show up there again and take another picture. It was in between the two pictures when she took that picture, and Jah couldn’t believe it. There were people behind him and rather than asking to redo the photo he just said “fine.” Seth brought hair & makeup in with him to the Sherman Oaks DMV so he could get a legit license photo
15:35 – Jonathan remembers filling out a couple college admissions essays, but he never sent them out with applications because he never took his SATs. Seth thinks they should both go on a Saturday morning and take their SATs with high school kids. Jah thinks he might still be able to give the administrators a note that says he has ADD and he can take the test untimed
30:55 – Jah doesn’t currently have a TV. He has two of them in his apartment but neither of them are plugged in and neither have cable hookup, etc. He realizes this is the first time in his life he’s ever been without one
36:46 – There was a restaurant Seth went into a few years ago after he got sober on Sunset – it opened in 1978 so for the weekend it was rolling back the prices to 1978. The dudes were wearing bell bottoms and Seth got his mack on with four breakfast entrees for $7.
46:23 – Seth brings up his bad days of letter carrying (Episode 143, 2:07). He also had a friend from Texas send him photos of him with an actual mobster, Henry Hill (portrayed by Ray Liotta in Goodfellas). He gets home Friday night and sees a note in the mailbox that he has something at the post office. He goes down to the post office Saturday morning and gets through about three sections of the paper before they open the window and act confused as to where it is. Forty-five minutes later they tell him they lost it and they’ll look for it. Seth got home on Saturday night and the envelope with the photos was under his door (This is the same Nat King Cole Post Office that when his mother sent him his Christmas stocking that he used every year his whole life and she arrived in LA and it was lost, and she was bawling in the post office, and Seth hugs her and mouths to the employees Are you happy? Look at this.).
48:58 – Seth gets a phone call from a buddy of his, Andy, living in Long Island, who tells him he and his mother got his Christmas card – kind of. They got the envelope with no card in it in a bag with a note saying it had been damaged in transit. While Seth is telling his mother about this, his mother tells him that Rob and Deena (his mother’s best friend’s son and wife) in Maryland got the card but it was just the envelope. Seth thinks the reason for the mishap is that he bought some cheap 99-cent store cards and you had to put it perfectly in the envelope otherwise the corner of it would tear the edge of it. Seth’s mom laughs and thinks it’s funny, but Seth starts panicking because he’s sent hundreds of them. Jah says he’s received texts this week asking to tell Seth thanks for the Christmas cards
51:23 – Jah also had something happen this week. A long time ago he talked about having his identity stolen, people starting up accounts and putting his name on it. He had called the people and told them it was fraudulent, they were supposed to send him an affadavit which never came. He thought it was rectified. The other day he got a letter from a different collections agency regarding the same account – Sam’s Club (Episode 056, 47:51). Seth calls the number and gets on the phone with the dude, who’s being super cool and casual on the phone. He tells Jah he’s been on both ends of this and he understands completely. Jah thinks his name is something like Charles. Charles basically gets up front with Jah, telling him it’s such a drawn-out crazy process, and says, “Just pay it.” Over the process of 10 minutes he convinces Jah to just cut the $177 check and take care of it. He’ll then receive the letter and it will go off his credit – which it’s been on his credit for more than a year
4:14 – Jah remembers a nativity scene in Malibu, and the baby Jesus got stolen one year. The next year Jonathan walked up to the nativity scene and it was basically the exact same baby Jesus but it had a giant steel bolt through its stomach into the foundation
39:13 – Jah woke up the other day and was convinced he sent a crazy e-mail to somebody, but it was just a really vivid dream
42:51 – Seth saw a lady the other day with a Hilary Clinton bumper sticker
43:47 – Jah got frustrated at the dude who had already painted his address on his curb and tried to knock on his door and look at him like an asshole when Jah told him he didn’t want him to do it or put the American flag stencil on it either
50:53 – Jonathan was convinced that he saw Haley Joel Osment at the Jogger concert last night. It was a little guy walking around in a canvas hat and blazer and totally age appropriate. Jah got so close to him and wasn’t sure if it was him or not
2:00 – Jonathan got pulled over by a cop and got a ticket for talking on his cell phone. Jah argued with the motorcycle cop about what was illegal about what he was doing, because he was talking to Dimitri holding it on speaker and didn’t have it on his ear. The cop interrupted him and said “I NEED TO SEE YOUR LICENSE!” The guy took 20 minutes to fill out the ticket while Jah is sitting there texting. On their way to M 10 minutes later Jah pulls up and is holding his phone talking to Josiah the web designer. Dimitri asks Jah what he’s thinking
6:48 – Jonathan had a problem uploading the podcast this week, and while he was trying to upload it there was a TV in the room with the movie Definitely Maybe playing on it. Halfway through the third act, Jonathan realized he had cried 4 different times at 4 different scenes in the movie. He blames part of this on the fact that he has an old sweet dog who may die and he’s coming to terms with that. He starts yelling “What the fuck is wrong with me!?” out loud.
18:51 – Seth was playing The Sopranos pinball game, which was a panic attack compared to the old-school pinball game Jah’s dad gave Seth, “Fire.” Seth got some sort of a high score and it gave him the same amount of letters to type in as it did when he was 8 years old – 3 letters. So he put in RMA for Roma, not UYD (Episode 068, 56:17)
2:06 – Seth can feel that the 3-year Mayan calendar creep is officially on because he was in a CVS and they were selling Quetzalcoatyl merchandise. He is not scared of that, but is scared of the Valentine’s Day creep because he was in a Rite-Aid and they were selling all kinds of candy. He’s going to go to the International Star Registry and register a star under UYD so someday a listener can go there and listen to the show from Constellation UYD
3:22 – Jah reluctantly accepts that it is 2009. He wrote it down in a bank today and his stomach got a little queasy
21:43 – Jonathan shot off 2 different guns on New Year’s but has no idea how many bullets he sprayed because he was in a full tequila blackout
29:45 – Jonathan and Seth recall cruising while seeing boy/twink tracks all the time in the mid-90s, seeing full trannys and then moving more east and seeing Judas Priest fans. Seth would see them from Gower to Wilton. Jah says it still goes off on Santa Monica Blvd.
33:36 – Seth was at LAX the night Jah dropped him off after doing Episode 147 before flying to Boston. He was trying to get a celeb because he rarely gets them at the airport. Seth sees Ben Lyons, the awful film critic from E! He noticed Ben looking around waiting for someone to recognize him, which reminded him of when he saw Eric Bana doing the same thing for 45 minutes at the Arclight. Seth gets back to Boston and tells his mom about seeing Lyons, then he’s reading an article in the Calendar section of his Boston Globe– “Is Ben Lyons the most hated film critic in America?” Seth thinks this is random, then finds a website devoted to him called stopbenlyons.com, and another E-critics site that has the Ben Lyons quote of the week. He reads quotes from Eric Childress, VP of the Chicago Film Critics Association, saying “…everyone thinks he’s a joke,” etc. In 2007 Lyons called 300 one of the best films of the last 25 years, yet didn’t put it on his end-of-the-year Top 10 list – although Black Snake Moan did. He also called I Am Legend “one of the greatest movies ever made.” Lyons also praised Zohan and said “the honeymoon from Titanic is definitely over…” in reference to Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett in Revolutionary Road, yet Titanic ended with DiCaprio drowning and freezing to death in the ocean
38:10 – Jah watched Hancock last night and did not enjoy it very much. He said it started out OK, however. Jah was surprised at how many times men in the movie made references to other men’s asses, etc.
40:40 – Seth had a little time to get away and get back to himself over Christmas. He stood in his childhood bathroom, and stood in the window and looked out at a view he’s seen countless times, yet he saw it in a way he’s never experienced before. It had a profound effect on him, and he brought it back with him to Los Angeles
42:05 – On Christmas Eve, Jonathan was in a bar and was outside, and a girl walked up to him who was extremely drunk, and began flirting with him and telling him he looked like Chris Robinson. She made Jah take down his hair and began kissing it, and then she introduced him to her boyfriend, whom he awkwardly spoke to. He goes back in and begins drinking a beer, and then she goes up to Dimitri and starts taking it to him and whispering in his ear about Jonathan. She said she wanted to go home and adjust her bra so they could see her body. She puts her hand on the inside of Jah’s thigh, pinches in and says “My boyfriend doesn’t care.” Jah: “About what?” Girl: “About anything!!” She hangs out, going back and forth, putting in an occasional 30 seconds with her boyfriend who is literally 5 feet away from them
11:10 – Seth and Jah reminisce on seeing Minority Report together at the Arclight a few years ago when a man stood up and said “Shame on you Spielberg!” (Episode 051, 36:35)
26:40 – When Seth’s childhood babysitter, Ginger Whitehouse, didn’t let Seth watch Superman, he pulled his prick out and pissed on the rug
36:06 – Jah was talking to his friend the other day and during the conversation recalls a story from a long time ago – he and a friend were standing outside of a place in Hollywood and they were saying goodbye to a bunch of people. One of them was a girl, who left and walked across the crosswalk of Santa Monica Blvd. As she’s walking, this Corvette hauls ass and tries to go through as she’s walking, screeches up to her and almost hits her. She smacks the roof of the car and yells at the guy. Dude makes a left and pulls over, at this point Jah and his homies are three-quarters of a block away on the opposite side of the street. They see him pull over, and it’s dark and late, and they see him get up in her shit and grab her. Jah’s boy Jimmy runs up the street with a backpack on, and as he gets to him, he pops his two straps off his shoulders and as he goes back he drops his two arms behind him, lets the backpack slide off his shoulders, and leans backwards and kicks the dude square in his chest, and the dude launches through the air, falls over and gets into his car. Jimmy runs up the street, Jah gets in his car, a block west of them and goes down and makes a right-hand turn onto the side street. He sees the Corvette pull up and clip Jimmy as he crosses the street. As it clips him, Jimmy puts his hand on the roof of the car and pushes himself up off it, then rolls off the hood, Jah picks Jimmy up in his car and they call the cops. Two minutes later there are sheriffs everywhere, and 4 minutes later they radioed another guy and said they think they caught him. The dude lived a block away, had just pulled his car into the driveway, and they went into his house and found a bunch of stolen diamonds. They walk him out, flash the light on him and they confirm it’s him as they’re sitting in the back of the police cruiser. Seth: “Bottom line is by coming to a lady’s rescue you broke up Southern California’s biggest jewelry ring.” Jah: “No, bottom line is by coming to a lady’s rescue you get to cum on a lady.”
49:49 – Seth watched Boomerang on Comedy Central the other day and Eddie Murphy was making him laugh. His defense is that that was a long time ago. Jonathan does us one more: He sat the other night and watched 20-30 minutes of a George Carlin comedy special (“Back In Town” that was funny and wasn’t old-old. Jah couldn’t watch more recent specials because Carlin was too old and bitter
52:49 – Seth is standing in the juice place on Franklin, Real Raw Live. The juice costs $14 and he couldn’t believe that. There’s a guy talking to a really attractive girl behind Seth and says “You know, I think I really only have two great albums in me.” Seth turns around 180 degrees, looks the dude dead in the eye, stares at him for 3 long paused seconds where their conversation stops and Seth turns back around and spends $48 on a Raw Bar and a juice
55:09 – Jah was in Guitar Center with Amir shopping for equipment, and this trio of teens walks in – two dudes and one girl. The dudes plug in guitars and start playing awesome speed metal, and the girl – whom Jah has seen making out with her boyfriend in this store before – looks at Jah and smiles, exposing full metal braces and rubber bands. Jah walks around the kiosk to look at a guitar on the other side, and the girl turns away from him for a second. She’s wearing a flannel button-down shirt unbuttoned and a tiny tank top and bra, and pulls down her shirt and pulls her bra apart to get her boobs sorted out, and continues staring at Jah. Jah doesn’t think she was a day over 14
5:19 – Seth bought a Los Angeles Times on Monday, and was getting his money out and the cashier said “Eighty-one cents.” The second he said it, Seth’s head went to the corner of the paper and the price said .75 intead of .50 and muttered “motherfuckers. The cashier replied “Yeah…”
5:50 – Jonathan saw Sarah Michelle Gellar today in traffic. She congratulated UYD on their 150th episode. Seth thinks she and FPJ (Freddie Prinze Jr.) will both smoke a bowl, kick back and listen to 150
6:29 – Seth had chicken pox when he was younger, and Jonathan had them at age 11. He got them the week his class was taking a trip to Catalina. He was so excited about going on the trip and got the pox so bad, and was pretty bummed when he couldn’t go.
8:35 – Seth got a traffic violation this week and hands it to Jonathan to read: VIOLATION 127315: DRIVER NOT WEARING SEATBELT. Another violation: DRIVER PASSED NUMEROUS VEHICLES IN THE PARKING LANE. Seth is mad that he received this violation because he drove through that lane and pulled into the parking lot off of the parking lane in Western because there weren’t any cars there, and he pulled in to fill up his bottles of Alps Drinking Water. The cop walks up as Seth is pulling into the lane and unbuckling his seatbelt to reach for some change. Seth explains what he was doing and the cop goes “nice try.” Cop tells Seth he can’t pass cars on the right, Seth explains he was pulling in to the lot and shows him the empty water bottle. Cop asks for license and registration and insurance, and as the cop is walking away Seth goes “read the sticker on the back of my car.” The sticker says UYD: SEATBELTS. Cop comes back and hands Seth the ticket. Instead of pulling into the lot, Seth has to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic to move six car lengths to make a right, pulls into the drive, gets out of his car, then stands and stares at the cop. Jah recommends that Seth fight the ticket
17:24 – When Seth got pulled over, he had some BS in his car, and sitting on top of everything in the bag were two medicated gingerbread cookies. Seth was worried that he would be discovered by the cop because it was hot outside and it would draw the aromas out. He was going to see his hairdresser, Luis, and wanted to share
18:55 – Seth went to a Christmas party with a Secret Santa exchange and had forgotten to bring a gift, so he goes back to the Plymouth Sundance, gets a Starbucks bag and puts in a Bible and a pregnancy test. He walks upstairs, drops the bag and is standing outside and hears full commotion. The guy who got it was sort of not pleased whereas everyone else was loving it. The Bible had an inscription inside it TO OUR SON BILLY… from like 1989.
23:37 – Seth receives foreign royalties for a little film he was in called Crossroads. He receives $0.90 from Denmark, $8.16 from Germany and another $2.93 from Germany – a total gross of $11.99. Seth: “Thank you, Britney.”
50:58 – Jah’s mom used to put Vicks Vapor Rub on his chest when he was a kid
4:29 – Seth finally saw The Dark Knight, which Jah thinks is funny. Seth still has many questions about what the point of being a Batman is. Seth thinks the movie was way too long and thinks that Heath Ledger didn’t do anything except lick his lips. Jah enjoyed it but not quite as much as everyone else. Jah also points out that Seth is one of the few people who grew up in the U.S. as a child and didn’t get into superheroes. Seth takes it as a compliment to be called a “rarer breed” and pounds it with Jah
20:57 – Seth saw Notorious, then he saw Paul Blart eight hours apart but at the same theater with the same dude tearing his ticket. The look he gave Seth at night the same day he had seen Seth that morning was a mixture of disgust, dispair and fascination. He also called a couple people over and pointed at Seth. Seth says they were both really bad movies. When he saw Paul Blart, he was in a theater of interracial gay couples, groups of tween girls and two 45-year-old women drinking sodas next to him. If he saw anyone in the theater who knows him, he would rather be caught with his pants down in a gay club with a whistle partying.
32:41 – Something happened the other day and Jah decides to tell the whole story. He rides a fixed-gear bicycle and is somewhat of an enthusiast at this point and has been riding it quite a bit. Dimitri has one as well and has been riding with him. Jah says it’a little bit ridiculous because the culture is very trendy, but he is obsessed with it because it’s helped him lose a big amount of weight in a short amount of time. The other day Jah and Dimitri went to eat, but Jah had gotten to the neighborhood earlier, went to Starbucks, tied his bike up and walked over to the restaurant on Montana. They’re sitting at a table outside because D’s bike is propped up by them without a lock on it. They’ve ordered food, and Jah all of a sudden sees a dog running up the street, leash attached, in the middle of traffic. The dog makes a hard left in front of a car, car screeches to a halt. A motorcyclist has been chasing it, a dude on a bike was chasing, and Jah jumps on D’s bike and goes up the neighborhood trying to find the dog. Jah loses the dog but runs into the kid on a bike and starts talking to him. He rides around and doesn’t see it. He comes back, props the bike up and sits down at the table to explain what happened. After a minute sitting there, he sees the dog come back again, run down the same street in the opposite direction going downhill crazier and faster. He jumps back on the bike, but a person he knows is getting into their truck ahead of Jah. He books it down the street on Dimitri’s ultra-slick bike that’s way too small for him. The dog is well ahead of him, and as he’s going down the street he sees a woman 5 blocks away walking across the street screaming, and he realizes it’s the dog’s owner. As he bikes by he goes “What’s your dog’s name?!!!” and she goes “Bailey!! Bailey!!” The hill starts to stop and the dog starts to slow down. Jah gets up on it and sees it’s wearing a Lakers leash. Jah realizes he needs to get close enough, jump out and grab the leash and secure it. He rides up next to it, the dog is covered in saliva, and Jah starts saying the dog’s name over and over. The dog looks at Jah the second time he says it, slows up and goes to make a right in an alley. At the same time Jah goes counter-clockwise as the dog goes clockwise to turn. He gets in front of her, she stops for a second and he dives, grabs the leash and collapses on the ground. He hit his knees pretty hard and jacked D’s bike up a little bit. He looks over and there’s people sitting at a table with their arms folded all grumpy, going, “You OK?” Jah goes “Yeah I’m fine.” Another woman goes “You’ve got your hands full there, don’t you.” Jah gets a little pissed because he assumes they think he’s a negligent dog owner. As this happens, the pickup truck pulls up, passenger door opens up, and the woman dog owner comes out of the truck of the dude who was back at the restaurant, who had picked her up on the way down the hill. The woman dives down, grabs the dog and starts crying. Jonathan looks at the dude who was driving the truck, and it’s Lou Ferrigno. Lou looks at Jah and goes “Great job!” and gives Jonathan a thumbs-up. At the time when he did it, Jah thought it was odd that he was the only person within the 15 blocks that was capable of saving the dog, 1) because of the bike, 2) because of his predisposition to this stuff, and 3) because he has a boner for riding a bike and it was justifiable to ride like a banshee down the street and power-pedal like crazy. Seth: “There were only 2 men that could do it. One of them was in a vehicle and couldn’t do it. The other was Junior Hulk.”
49:04 - Jah met Kelli McCarty a couple years ago but had no idea who she was until she did research about the XXX film she will star in. It was at another dog store he worked in. She was very lovely and a nice dog lover. He was quite smitten with her.
52:27 – Seth ordered the Girls Gone Wild videos for one of his friends as a birthday gift back around 2000 and he got one, then they kept sending another one and another one. He says it was before GGW was a thing, when all they knew was there was a crazy guy named Joe getting girls to do crazy stuff.
55:22 – Jah brings up Seth’s old life as a negligent postal worker (Episode 143, 2:07). He says it wasn’t as much him hoarding mail as it was him seeing boxes on the road that he didn’t know were his and he couldn’t even open them because they had so much mail in them. He would also deliver mail to the wrong address, which he said was his way of investing in the community and getting everyone to come out of their shells.
Episode 151S
8:43 – Jah’s father got sent a Thighmaster from Suzanne Sommers in the peak of Thighmasters, autographed from Suzanne: JOHN: JUST PUT IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND SQUEEZE. LOVE, SUZANNE SOMMERS. Seth: “Uh, hello eBay.” Jah: “How’s that for a Live Autograph?” (Episode 149, 1:06)
4:35 - Jonathan says his friend Dimitri knows Vince from the Shamwow! infomercials and was telling Jah about this while they saw the Shamwow! infomercial on TV “at the place where we were.” Seth suspects that this “place” was Plan B.
5:00 – A Hispanic woman was talking to Seth about a movie and was like “Oh you know who’s in that, the guy from West Wing. Seth: “Who, Martin Sheen.” Woman: “Yeah, he comes out in that. And J-Lo comes out in that.” Jah is trying to figure out the accent Seth is attempting here, and Seth explains it’s his Hispanic woman from LA voice. Seth told the lady he came here to be an actor and it didn’t really work out, and she responded with “What did you come out in.” Seth didn’t get it, but the way he responds to ‘Where do you stay at?’ and ‘What did you come out in?’ is “I stay in Hobart and I come out in Crossroads. Jah wishes he could just flip a switch and start using those expressions.
11:44 – Seth watched a couple episodes of House while he was lying on his mother’s couch at home in Boston over Christmas, up all night watching episodes. In one episode, he solved the craziest medical riddle ever, and Seth was like “wow that’s amazing.” On another episode, House trips on acid, and then does another even crazier riddle, and in the end he’s right again. Seth thought to himself, “Does this happen every episode?” If Seth worked with House, he’d be like, “Just ask House, he’ll figure it out,” and then go to the movies.
14:03 – Seth watched a lot of TV with his mom while he was home. They watched Failure To Launch in its entirety on the USA Network from 8 to 10 with commercials, drinking tea and eating ginger cookies. Jah watched an episode of Ugly Betty today, which he had never seen, and can’t make out what was going on in the show. The show sort of reminded him of Sesame Street somehow. Jah felt like it was preposterous because it was full-grown adults acting it out. Then, for three scenes it looked identical to Arrested Development
34:38 – All Seth gets at Whole Foods is peanuts (Code #6363) because they’re wicked cheap, but then he looks up at the other nuts and sees Organic Almonds - $18.99/lb. Jonathan bought dinner at Whole Foods a couple nights ago. He got a pizza, three side salads from the deli and a bottle of wine. His final price tag - $86. Seth went there to buy brown rice, which he figured would be 30 cents, but it cost him $5.80. He had three $20s and a $5 and he handed the guy a $5, then the guy said “$5.80,” and Seth threw the $20 at him like “you motherfucker…” Jah says its worth it though because you get to see celebrities.
43:00 – Seth pulls out his CB jacket (a ski jacket that was so dope and fresh) that he got in eighth grade, which his mother found at his home in Haverhill, Massachusetts. He also pulls out the product information form that he filled out when he was 12 years old: How did you hear about our product? Because it’s the best, and everybody wears CB. Criticism: I think CB’s the best. It’s warm. It looks great. Even though he bought this jacket in 1986, he observes that the retail price is $125. Seth can’t believe that, and thinks that would be worth about $700 in today’s money. Seth remembers when he got off the bus the first day he wore it, and just posted up with his Nike Air Maxes. When Seth was home, they were showing him pictures of his cousin’s baby, who looks just like his cousin did when he was young. The last picture in the book was Seth and his cousin at their grandmother’s house, wearing Z Cavaricci jeans, posing in front of the Christmas tree. Seth asked his cousin’s wife “Can you handle this?” Jah wonders if Seth ever stashed anything of worth away, because he has a couple things that he stashed away a long time ago. Seth wishes he would’ve hung onto his Varnae strap, his Spuds McKenzie cozy, his cast from when he broke his wrist at age 3, etc.
59:00 – Jah was thinking this week about their conversation from last week, regarding what it is that women want. Jah and Seth had an even longer discussion that got even crazier and left them triple baffled as far as what is going on with the sexual politics of men. Jah was having a conversation with two women today, and wonders, Is it women’s uncontrollable, intrinsic, built-in need to attempt to completely crush and extinguish the spirit of a man? He thinks that maybe they cannot simultaneously have strong feelings for men without wanting to smother their soul.
11:23 – Around age 10 or 11 was the first time Jonathan saw moving picture porn. He clearly remembers it. (Seth finds this hard to believe because his brother turns 10 this summer and he doesn’t want him to experience it yet.) Jah saw Deep Throat on VHS, which was lent to him by a schoolmate named Tyrone who Jah also performed Guns ‘N Roses’ “Patience” during the eighth grade talent show (Episode 078, 8:14). Tyrone gave Jah the video at school and told him to watch it. Jah got home and his parents were in the kitchen cooking dinner. He snuck into the living room and popped it in the VCR, and it came up on Jah’s dad’s gigantic TV screen in the middle of a scene of a girl taking a gigantic cock. He says the feeling in his stomach was on par with his first time down a roller coaster. He panicked, shut it off, took it out and acted like he was tired and going to bed, and then just waited them out until they went to bed and snuck back down and watched it. Jah gave it back to Tyrone the next day because he didn’t want to have it in his possession too long. Jah then says he lost his virginity a year later at age 12 to a 15-year-old
17:37 – Seth said to Jonathan, “That Facebook is pretty crazy,” and Jah’s response was “I’m not going to deny the power of the ‘Book.”
30:48 – Seth references the story from Episode 144 when he references the Thursday that they recorded Episode 089 and there was gas pouring into his apartment. Then Jah starts piecing things together and wonders if the carbon monoxide poisoning was the reason why they had their fight in Episode 089.
36:36 – Seth went and read an article about another hacked zombie sign (Episode 152, 28:54), which has become a viral obsession. He scrolls down and reads the comments, and sees one guy write: Not that clever. But think about it. You laugh now. What if you turned your corner in the car and there really were zombies there.
39:18 – Seth wonders how come nowhere in his world has the ability to take and break a $100 bill from him. He can’t get rid of them. Jah wonders how many times Whole Foods swaps cash trays each day because every time he goes up to check out they’re swapping out trays. Seth: “You have to buy a Ferrari to use a $100 bill. Anywhere else you’re fucked.”
48:34 – Jah gets a lot of questions about what Seth uses in his hair. Seth doesn’t want anyone to know so he hopes Jah hasn’t told. Jah says he’s surrounded by men who get compliments on their hair all the time (ex: Dimitri).
10:31 – Jah can attest to the seriousness of a Mountain Dew addiction, because there was a period of time where he was drinking at least 2-3 of the largemouth 32-ounce Mt. Dews. It started giving him intense stomach problems and blistering panic at night. At 2:00 in the afternoon he would get crazy hankerings for it.
34:39 – When Seth was in college, he remembers arguing with friends for hours at night, and all they could do was call a bunch of people and try to combine the average of all the answers and still could never figure out what the answer was
37:40 – Jonathan was with Dimitri and saw MC Hammer on Saturday night, as close as he and Seth are right now, at an art gallery opening downtown that was thrown by Will.i.am and his company. Will.i.am DJ’d. Kelis was there. Jah didn’t touch Hammer. Hammer had a crazy white bodyguard with him. Jah turned to D and said he would feel like an asshole if he didn’t take it to Hammer and shake his hand. As he went to do it, the huge bodyguard gave him a look and basically told him not to do it.
38:27 – Jah wonders if he talked about seshing out with Al B. Sure! a couple weeks ago and talking about his kid on VH1 and laughing about what a hack the kid is
39:23 – Seth saw MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice perform together in 1990 at the Worcester Centrum Centre (now the DCU Center). Jah was supposed to go to that concert in L.A. after the East Coast tour. His dad helped him get tickets. He was in acting camp and there was a girl that taught there that was 2 years older than him who was smoking hot. Jah was like, “Let’s do this. We’re gonna fuck.” Three nights before the concert, there’s the same concert in another city, and there was a stabbing or a shooting in the audience. His old man bugs out and said he couldn’t go, so Jah threw a screaming bitch fit. He was so vehement about it that his old man was researching getting a bodyguard to go with Jonathan to accompany them to the concert. Ultimately Jah backed out on the idea because even at 13 he knew it sounded a little crazy. He remembers having to come up with some reason to tell the girl why he couldn’t go (Episode 024, 32:00).
50:36 – The same night he saw Hammer, Jah thought about Seth because he was at another party later on in the evening and started having a conversation with Devendra Banhart about the fact that he and Andy Cabic from Vetiver are all obsessed with The Pickup Artist and they’ve all started using it in their lives and given themselves nicknames. Devendra was given the name “Plasma” by Andy. Seth and Jah wonder what their dope “pickup artist” names should be. Jah gives Seth the name “Sexth.”
54:47 – At that same party, sitting outside smoking a bowl with a bunch of different people, there was one dude with a Blackberry who was like “Oh! I just got an awesome e-mail. David Icke is speaking…” As he says the name Jah looks over at Dimitri and Dimitri goes into craziness about draco-reptilians, which goes into DMT, etc., and a young small unassuming girl next to Jah starts talking about drinking liquid DMT like 3 months ago. All of the 5 people next to Jah talk about how DMT changed their lives
57:14 – Jah was a Camel man as a teenager, which was because his father would get free cigarettes from Camel. There were cartons and cartons of Camel Wides that got sent to him, and Jah would go to the set and in the desk on the set in the office were cartons, and he would come by and say hi and grab a carton and throw them in the back of his car and take off
59:25 – Jah can’t remember the name of the girl who he had a crush on in his acting class, maybe Michelle or something. He thinks she dated Brian Austin Green a couple years after that because he remembers seeing them out
1:01:58 – Jonathan was so kind that he purchased Seth a microphone for Christmas two years ago (Episode 045, 47:55), an Audix OM2 that comes in its own box and case. Seth thinks he’s going to start carrying it around with him just as an actor carries around his sides or a musician carry around his gear. The microphone has since had technical difficulties and they don’t use it anymore for recording the show.
1:03:15 – Seth recalls he was in Ogunquit, Maine, the day he heard the news that New Coke was coming out and the world stopped turning. Jah doesn’t remember where he was, but he remembers being hellbent on getting his hands on one. Seth and his cousin Eric were devastated because Seth is a Coke man.
6:57 – Jonathan once went to a Mardi Gras in New Orleans when his father was the honorary King of Bacchus in 1995. Jah just talked with his dad the other day in lieu of talking about bodyguards in last week’s show. John reminded Jonathan that Jah had a bodyguard at Mardi Gras. The Bacchus Parade is Sunday, and all these off-duty New Orleans police officers are escorting the Larroquettes, and they’re all super nice. They mostly rolled as a pack on an amazing journey through New Orleans with the best food ever. Jah says it was the most insane thing. The night John was on the float, they all split up and there was a big dinner at the banquet hall at the end of the parade where John would dismount and the family meets up. For John it was a dream come true being from New Orleans. Jah has a personal bodyguard who is super cool. At the dinner, Jah has an odd interaction with a very busty blonde Southern belle who is a bit older than Jah and a bit intoxicated. Jah had dreds at this point and starts flirting with the woman, and it seems pretty clear to him that he’s going to get it on with this girl. They’re having an awesome time together, and Jah has this bodyguard with him. It comes to the end of the night, and Jah is trying to figure out a way to get her back to his room, but he can’t figure out how to get rid of the bodyguard. He winds up bitching out and saying good night to her. At the same time this is going on, he had contracted a crazy disease he had for a year. It’s an infancy disease called HSP (stands for Henoch-Schonlein pupura, the 3 guys who discovered it). He broke his collarbone snowboarding and in the process was given painkillers. He got strep throat and didn’t know he had it for 2 weeks, and his body wasn’t taking care of itself. It started fighting his blood system and he had it for an entire year. When he would get hot and stressed out, his joints would retain fluid and his body would attack his blood vessels, and he would break out in red blotches on his elbows and knees and the joints would seize up. He says this also happened at a Phish show, which is a different story for a different day. As he was trying to deal with this girl, it started to happen. It fell apart for Jah and he remembers getting in his room and collapsing, and his legs stopped working for an hour. In a way he was glad it happened without her there because it would’ve been super awkward had she been there.
20:15 – Seth wonders if anyone in LA owns an umbrella. He thinks he’s the only one. Monday and Tuesday it was 30 degrees out with thunderstorms, and Seth is driving to work and sees people walking down the street completely soaking wet just walking. He doesn’t understand why people won’t spend $8 to get an umbrella. He saw several people with their hands over their heads in the pouring rain.
35:51 – Seth got a voicemail from a guy who’s working on the Thailand-Burma border at a refugee camp, and Seth has Tyra on pause on his TV while listening to the message. The show is about gay teens that hate being gay while Seth is drinking a Jamba Juice and he feels guilty about not doing anything.
40:33 – Seth is amazed by Facebook. He got on Jah’s back like a piggyback while Jah went on it, and Seth was blown away. “I might be getting one of them. I’m in it to win it.”
50:15 – Seth has Jonathan read the highlighted section of a document that he hands him. It reads: “You have been scheduled for a police officer interview at the above address on 3/25/02 at 10:30 a.m.” Jah wants to know what they wanted to interview him about, but Seth says he didn’t go. He took preliminary testing – a written exam, video watching, interpersonal discussions, moral and ethical issues, IQ tests, etc. Once he passed the initial battery of tests, he was called by a sergeant from this department and they wanted to bring him downtown to discuss his going to the police academy. He declined at that point. On Friday, March 1 he went downtown before the marathon where he got a bag at this little convention and walked around grabbing free items. A guy at a cop booth asked him if he had what it takes, called Seth over and took it to him with the LAPD pitch. They signed him up and got him in there – it was a month before he got sober, so things were a little hairball. On his way down there he bought a ticket at a street carnival and bought a ticket and was on a merry-go-round, bawling by himself crying with Filipino, Guatamalan and Mexican families. Jah thinks Seth would be a good cop, and Seth agrees. Seth thinks Jah would be a bad cop because he would be corrupt. He would also get too involved with women who were wronged and give them his card so they could contact him 24 hours a day. Seth just wants to be called “Officer Romatelli” at least one time.
55:14 – Seth is like Haley Joel Osment, and he wants Jah to now call him “Officer Osment.” Jah then confirms that Haley Joel came to a The Long Lost show the other night, confirming his belief that he saw him at a prior performance (Episode 146, 50:53). Jah says Haley Joel has put on a couple of pounds and filled out a little bit.
3:02 – Seth wonders what happened with Guns N Roses’ long-awaited album Chinese Democracy. Jah read a track-by-track review of the album written by someone who was a crazy GNR fan and it seemed wildly disappointing. Jah couldn’t care less about the album even though he’s down with Buckethead.
18:26 – Seth and Jah were talking about Jah doing a decent amount of social networking and how it’s unacceptable at this point in his life to not check his e-mail for three days. Seth explains that Jah has entered a “social contract” with his friends, associates, etc.
1:01:09 – Jah explains that he will have his phone with him in Europe. The last time he went he did maintain texting UYD nation, which was a giant financial mistake for him. He asks that everyone take it easy on sending texts to him for the next three weeks.
0:30 – Jah starts off talking about something he used to do as a kid, which he remembers after watching a Dr. Phil episode about kids who died from suffocating himself. Jah was in fifth grade and he and his buddies went to Viewpoint, and there were about 30 kids on the bus. They would get off at their spot and while waiting for their parents they would do this. The first time Jah remembers doing this was in P.E. clothes when they were changing back into their regular clothes. Jah wonders what a couple kids are doing, and they explain to him that he needs to bend over and breathe in and out real heavy, and after the 10th time you stand up and they put both hands over your chest. And when it happens you pass out. Jah remembers that every single kid that did it had a weird dream about fast food, and he didn’t know that that was all about. Jah was addicted to it and he started doing it to himself in his own bedroom.
4:30 – Jah remembers carving his girlfriend’s initials in his skin with a pencil and he got caught doing it in religion class in his Catholic school. He had seen Sid and Nancy (Episode 061), 50:19) and said he was going to imitate that.
9:24 – Jah was at the Volkswagen dealership today because his car took a shit on him. He got a PT Cruiser for a loaner from the rental place. The guy he spoke with at the VW dealership told him “Those things are really fast. My kids love the convertible one.” Jah explains that he didn’t get the Turbo version, and that the car is not awesome — in fact it’s the worst car ever. It was, however, tuned to Tom Leykis so he got to listen to 20 minutes of that devil while driving his PT. While Jah was at the dealership, he got to talking to one of the dealers about Gmail — he explains that you can get thousands of e-mails and never delete any of them because just like Google it has a search function where you can filter through it to find past e-mails. It’s also by invite only – you can’t just sign up for an account on your own. Gmail will also search through key words in your e-mails to find products and related pop-up ads that fit to your own specifications.
26:28 – Seth saw Eric Bana at the Arclight when The Hulk came out, and Bana stood in the lobby for 49 minutes waiting for someone to recognize him. Seth almost wanted to walk up to him and just give him some props
28:44 – Jah considers himself a Friend of the Cinema (FOTC), and for some reason this year he has let himself go. He has seen nothing of substance besides Match Point. He missed out on Good Night and Good Luck, Capote and Walk the Line; but he did see Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, Saw 2 and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Jah was hesitant to see Walk the Line because he hated Ray.
47:12 – Jah met Elizabeth Berkeley the other day and says she was absolutely lovely. 55:40 – Jah wrote his friend Tim about a good deal that involved an Xbox 360, a 42-inch plasma and every game that’s made for the 360, and Tim e-mailed him back to say “I don’t play video games.” Jah said if he smokes weed and doesn’t play video games, he should call a scientist down to come do a study on him.
1:19:48 – Neither Seth nor Jonathan could see those “picture beyond the picture” posters hanging up at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall. In fact Jah has never seen one in his entire life.
0:28 – Jah has not had a mind-altering substance (alcohol, drugs, men) for 11 years on this day. He was 17 the last time he partook in something. It was finals week his senior year of high school and he smoked a bongload and had the worst panic attack of his entire life and wanted to blow his head off. It was similar to when he saw King Kong. He’s celebrating at midnight tonight by having one-half of a wine cooler.
4:55 – Jah’s friend just played a hip-hop/casino event with Young MC and said he was a complete asshole. MC acted like he was the biggest star ever. Jah’s friend was playing and the place was packed, and when they got off stage the place emptied and Young MC played to 10 people at the Chimichanga Casino.
19:42 – Seth reveals that Jah quit smoking, and they were at a bar the other night, where people were standing outside talking about a football game and smoking, and he slapped a girl’s face. Jah says he has been wanting to smoke so bad.
3:51 – Jah is reading a book right now and is pretty sure it’s changing his life. He remembers Seth going off on people for reading books and letting it change their lives (Episode 154, 48:37), so he feels guilty for doing the same.
5:02 – Jah went to his first Grateful Dead show in Tempe, Ariz. He was not abducted there.
6:34 – Jah wonders if he should fill people in on the things he’s seen during his European travels. He says it’ll come up organically over the next several weeks.
10:35 – Seth knew Jah was back in the country because he felt it. He was asleep on Monday, and he woke up, looked, and whispered, “J-Dawg’s back.” J-Dawg climbed into bed with Seth and whispered “Wake up, sweet prince.”
12:48 – The USPS got rid of about 900 mailboxes, and Seth knows this because he’s literally visited all the mailboxes in Los Angeles and drops something in the mail every day. Seth was driving around and couldn’t find his usual boxes and couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
13:39 – The sales tax in California is going up to 9.25% on April 1 in California. Seth had everything down to a science, to where if he ordered a sandwich he knows how much it costs with tax. Now he doesn’t, because everything’s going to be recalculated in his life. Jah went to buy a Wetzel Pretzel and a lemonade today at The Grove and paid $7. It also cost him $8 to valet park because he was running late to the Apple Store, where he dropped $200 for a hard drive, then tipped the valet an extra $3. Basically he spent $220 in 17 minutes.
1:00:59 – Jah tells about something a lot of people do in Europe: The people who would book a lot of the shows would meet them at the train station, take them to the venue, where lunch was waiting for them. They do the soundcheck, and the hosts make dinner for them. Jah thinks in the state we’re in, people in the U.S. should think about doing that some more.
1:03:09 – Seth saw this girl who got a manicure, and the tips of her fingernails were dollar bills. He thought that was fresh.
1:05:09 – There were a few minutes when Jah was in Europe that he had a severe feeling of technological disconnect, because he had the phone completely turned off and didn’t know what was happening back home. Last year when he went to June, it was an amazing trip, but this time around he never completely left L.A. and was wanting to get back and take care of some stuff.
8:30 – Jah got Kevin Spacey flying back from England. He wonders if he’s straight but Seth dismisses him as “bona fide queer.”
10:38 – Jah witnessed a 20-year-old Australian girl in Dimitri’s house the other night looking at a NWA record and asking who they were. She also didn’t know that Notorious BIG was dead
15:50 – Jah caused an accident in Amsterdam because he tried to give a cabbie a bill that was too big
16:40 – Seth references Jah getting pointed at and laughed at by Michael Keaton and his buddies (Episode 139, 2:58). Jah thinks Keaton is just bitter because he’s from Pittsburgh and his hair sucks.
21:44 – Jah got a hand job in an algebra class once
33:24 – Seth saw Monica Lewinsky in Whole Foods. He couldn’t find her at first but then found her wearing all black looking at the fat-free salad dressing. He was sending his operatives to do some recon, and they all loved it. Seth asked all of his operatives who the best celeb they ever saw was. None of them leveled him, but some got Nicholson, Jimmy Page, etc. Jah thinks he’s been in Monica’s presence as well before.
38:52 – Jah saw Reese Witherspoon today. He sees her a lot because he and Jake Gyllenhaal work out together.
57:15 – Seth has a Rasta couch with Jah is jealous of. Seth thought it was the worst so he had a couch cover on it. He pulled the cover off and it has an awesome Rasta Guatemalan print on it that Jah loves.
21:41 – Seth reveals that he went somewhere this week and he would like to share where it was. It was an auction held by Julian’s Auctions called “The Collection of the King of Pop: Property from the Life and Career of Michael Jackson.” On Tuesday morning the auction went on view to the public. Seth was there at 9:59 a.m. and was literally the only person there and gave them a $20 spot to get in. He walked through the gates of Neverland. He could see all the albums sold memorabilia on the wall and went from room to room freaking out. They laid out Jackson’s home furnishings, including faux old school paintings that were really him when Seth got up close. There were thrones, a huge screen playing concerts, etc. Seth was basically taking his pants off in the arcade because he felt like he was being molested. In the Peter Pan Neverland room, there’s an animatronic baby that comes alive and reaches its arm out to Seth. There are go-carts, ATCs, a Simpsons electric bike, carousels, wagons, a Neverland Fire Department fire truck. Seth: “You walk into this arcade. You literally say, ‘Oh, he fucks kids!’” Seth finally understands the connection with the Neverland motif – since Peter Pan is a man who never wants to grow up, just like Jacko.
38:04 – Seth and Jah watched 20 minutes of the Sex & The City movie, and they describe it as crazy shit. Jah feels like it felt so dated even though it just came out last year.
39:47 – The day that 2 Fast 2 Furious came out, a private plane crashed into an apartment building in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles. A friend of Jonathan’s, Jessica Kaplan, was on the plane and passed away. Jah didn’t find out until the next day.
40:42 – Seth was in a Whole Foods this week. He read their little community board where people post their comments and questions. An example: Hey Whole Foods – the 3rd Street Whole Foods sells a pint of Soy Delicious for $3.49. Here it’s $3.59. Why the difference? … Why does the seafood department smell so bad?
45:02 – Seth went to his orientation at Emerson College and got hooked up with a gay dude named Nick Rodriguez because they did it alphabetically and they were right next to each other. They met at Boston Common on the first day and Nick was wearing an oversized Madonna t-shirt doing trust exercises with a homophobic Seth. Seth saw him 10 years later in L.A. and Nick rolled up on him and was like “Hey!! You look greeeaaat! You haven’t changed a biiiit!!”
47:42 – Jah retells the story about his friend Wag getting his computer back from repair and it smelling like a dude’s body odor (Episode 112, 55:31), he scrubbed it and couldn’t get the smell to go away because it was coming from inside the computer.
51:50 – A numerologist fucked Seth’s life up at Jonathan’s father’s house. John had an old homey come over while they had a party. The numerologist sat Seth down and laid it down for him. Seth sees some good things for the future of UYD.
57:02 – Jah doesn’t ever get allergies but he has them now, as well as a lot of other people.
1:00:49 – Seth was at VP Discounts (a health food store co-op) today. He pulled up on a guy who didn’t have a shirt on and was hand washing his white Ford Escort. He had a bucket as if it was his own driveway. Seth pulled up a couple spots next to him, and the dude stared at Seth so he would have to acknowledge him, and the dude was listening to Coldplay and wearing a Crank Yankers baseball hat.
1:04:08 – Somebody told Jah the other day that they still get Friendster updates and Jah had to stop for a minute and process it. Seth wonders if people still use Myspace and Jah says it’s primarily for bands. Jah compares it to arriving at a party and seeing that it’s kind of the dregs.
1:29 – Jah committed “Coachellacide” this weekend. Jah wasn’t impressed by any of the bands he saw in the desert except The Cure. Seth has seen Jah twice since he returned from Coachella and he’s been wearing the new Polo summer line of clothing. Tuesday night he was wearing boat shoes, no socks and shorts and a horizontally striped sweater.
2:58 – Seth was driving behind a Caravan with a bumper sticker that read WOMEN ARE NATURAL BORN LEADERS. YOU’RE FOLLOWING ONE RIGHT NOW.
8:03 – Seth asks Jah if he has driven down Melrose Ave. at all, because lately he has noticed that every other store on the street is for lease. Jah isn’t surprised because it was always shitty boutiques and nothing was keeping them in business in the first place.
18:12 – Henry Rollins drives a Prius. Jah saw him pulling out of Coachella in that bad boy. Wait, no — Jah just realizes it was a sage green Subaru wagon.
29:10 – Seth was watching the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie on Sunday night, which he can’t remember the name of. But he was watching it for the commercials, and couldn’t believe he was watching 9-minute commercials made by Hallmark that are essentially mini-movies.
38:37 – Jah and Seth recall the time they went to Woodley Park on Earth Day and saw Jerry Cantrell and Josie Moran at a Vegan Festival in Rancho Cucamonga (Episode 010, 37:32).
44:07 – Seth wanted to show Jah where he’s living, so he sat him down in front of his TV at 9:00 tonight, and made him watch 5 minutes of all 5 shows appearing on the major networks. They watched 4 1/2 minutes of Hell’s Kitchen on FOX; then 3 minutes of Supernatural on the CW featuring 22-year-olds with bushy eyebrows; then some Grey’s Anatomy on ABC featuring lesbians, a real-life gay dude and bouncy 80s music; then CSI on CBS featuring Laurence Fishburne and no lighting on the show with dozens of future hackers.
0:52 – Jah begins to tell the story about the first time he ever dipped at survival camp when he was a teenager (Episode 081, 21:58).
6:57 – Life changed a little bit for Jah in the last year or so, so in his current situation he no longer has cable TV or high-speed internet access. One benefit of this, however, is he’s seeing posters all over the street now that he has no idea what they are, and it’s been very liberating for him.
7:59 – Seth got a voicemail message from a listener who said he DVR’d Southland but he wasn’t down with it, saying Seth’s TV Picks are falling off.
37:27 – Seth was in Astro Burger on Gower and Melrose, and sees deaf actress Marlee Matlin on CNN during a book signing. She is accompanied by a dude who has to sign for her. He’s talking and the closed-captioning is on, which is 5 minutes behind what he’s saying and it’s showing symbols and things that aren’t even letters.
40:08 – Jah saw some crazy pilot girls going into the Oakwoods the other day and almost got in a really bad collision with them. They had Nevada plates and had the look in their eyes of being a movie star.
44:00 – Jah had bed bugs this year. He said it sucked. He got rid of them pretty quickly, but he described it as being like “body crabs.” He was couch-surfing for a year so he assumes he got them from somebody’s nasty couch (probably Amir’s).
46:15 – Jah did a terrible thing on a school bus once where he got caught being a cock to a car, and then the person told the bus driver and Jah got in trouble. He only took the bus for a period of time, and just remembers making himself breathe really heavily and pass out (Episode 157, 0:30).
10:50 – Jonathan went to a musical at the Key Club, which featured the daughter from Family Ties, Tina Yothers, playing Linda Lovelace in a musical called Deep Throat that they were trying to produce. It was a preview that they were trying to pull funding for, and it was a packed house. Jah recalls it was a crazy kind of rock opera.
12:07 – When Seth was at Emerson, there were some musical theatre people there, and he recalled they take their shit mucho serious.
17:31 – Seth recalls Mickey Rooney’s huge balls (Episode 102, 47:48).
17:49 – Seth was lucky enough to see a feature film starring Corey Haim and Patricia Arquette. It’s from 1991, and it’s called Prayer of the Roller Boys.
24:07 – Jah had a conversation the other day where he talked about the voices of their subconscious, and that often there are different voices people hear and address certain problems with. He believes the voices have the power to completely overtake our dominant voice and completely transform you into your “other.”
33:23 – Jah brings up his grift from the battered woman selling magazine subscriptions (Episode 095, 58:24).
34:35 – Seth saw Kari Wuhrer (Episode 103, 37:16) at 10:30 this morning coming out of a new boutique that just opened in Larchmont with three bags. He wonders how this happened because she hasn’t been in anything for years, yet she still looks beautiful.
41:11 – Seth’s Sony Trinitron was one of the first TVs made with HD capabilites. Seth thinks it’s the biggest HD TV weight-wise, and Sony told Seth it was the first HD TV ever. Seth got it from Jonathan, who got it from Nina, a family friend who was the assistant for Tobey Maguire for a long time and probably bought it from Tobey. Seth bets that Leonardo DiCaprio probably has watched this TV before.
56:22 – When Seth goes to Starbucks to buy a Los Angeles Times and they ask him “New York or L.A.?,” Seth gets angry that they ask him this. He says the NBC show Southland ran an ad that looks identical to a news article, and it’s talking about a ride-along and Seth gets sucked into it before he realizes it’s for the show and gets pissed off.
59:22 – For Seth’s birthday one year, Jah gave him some Viva paper towels – they were like 400 heavy-duty ShamWows on a roll.
1:00:11 – There was a point during last week’s live show where it was so hot and Seth was so overwhelmed, that he almost took the wireless microphone off and ran out. At one point his coffee table and the chair Jah sits in were in an alley in Hollywood – he was overwhelmed by it. Seth turned to Jah at one point before they went on stage and said “What the fuck are we doing?”
4:12 – Jah saw Star Trek, which is this year’s Iron Man
16:47 – A female friend of Seth’s got a dirty phone call where the dude was saying he saw her and was playing with himself, and so she screamed and hung up. In telling the story later to another girl, the girl got as angry and viscerally offended as the original, while the guys turned into eighth-graders and laughed about it.
19:31 – Seth was walking down the street and a homeless guy walked by him and said, “Can I have a dollar, bitch?” Seth paused for a second and thought about giving him a dollar, but then he said “Fuck that, no!”
21:32 – Jah was driving through WeHo, and was thinking that if shit went down, some of those dudes are big and you would definitely want the G’s on your side.
22:28 – Seth was in a liquor store in West Hollywood next to his Whole Foods, and there was a dude in his 60s wearing a Vietnam hat with faded tattoos, and wearing a t-shirt that had a drawing of a cowboy pointing a gun at you, and the t-shirt read: IN WYOMING, WE HAVE A CURE FOR AIDS. WE SHOOT FUCKING FAGGOTS. People were wanting to take pictures of it because they couldn’t believe it. On the back of the shirt it said, THE EAGLE’S NEST, CHEYENNE, WYOMING. Seth expects a gay dude to come from 24-Hour Fitness and walk in there to buy a Vitamin Water and kill this dude.
24:50 – On Jah’s said trip to WeHo, Jah was behind a blue Rav-4 with all the rainbow stickers on it saying THE SILENCE WON’T SAVE YOU, and then the license plate holder said SO MANY BOYS, SO LITTLE TIME. Jah couldn’t believe it and wondered if the dude understood how much of a turn-off he was. The dude just flipped his whole concept from social activism to horned-up ball-licking.
26:39 – Seth brings up the story from Episode 114, 45:06, where he was at a party and a sign behind the bar read IF YOU DON’T LOOK 21, PREPARE TO SHOW ID, except the last part was spray-painted out and it said FABULOUS!
32:36 – Jah and Seth were on the Hindustan Times website tonight asking some pretty serious questions about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Jah thought he heard that they broke up so they were checking on it. Nothing made Seth happier than the first photo of Brad and Jennifer Aniston at a Coldplay concert standing together in the balcony.
35:56 – Jah saw a preview for the Travolta/Denzel upcoming flick, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, and didn’t know what to think
13:21 – Seth used to wear a gas station jacket that said “Ernest” on it that he picked up second-hand. Jah wonders if the other Dickies-esque company was called Ben Davis (with a gorilla design on it) – because he remembers those and Carhartt. Jah was a Carhartt man in his day. Seth remembers him having a thick Carhartt onesie that looked as if he worked in the ice and sleet. Jah explains that it was going to be his snowboarding rigout.
35:16 – Seth hasn’t gotten into a pool since he ate a Pringle, which was in sixth grade.
36:20 – Jah peed at the pool in the Standard Hotel in Miami, but he felt justified because the whole place stunk of piss anyway. Seth is disgusted and Jah apologizes because he did feel bad about it, but Jah said it kind of had to go down strictly for vanity purposes.
45:07 – Seth has been in Hollywood for 14 years. When he first moved there the city was so dirty and crazy and awesome. He remembers driving at 5:00 on a weekday, running an errand and driving back west on Santa Monica Blvd., and seeing boy prostitutes out in droves for a five-block stretch. Jah recalls they would change their steezes from tranny fabulous platforms to dudes in cutoff 501s and Judas Priest t-shirts ready to do this. In present day, Seth was rolling up on La Brea where there is now a Best Buy and a Target. Later he was watching a rerun of COPS: Street Patrol from the late 90s, in which they were chasing a guy by the area in that same area, except back then there were a Bel-Air Car Wash and a Chevron station and dudes wearing Raiders hats. Seth misses those dirty times.
48:28 – Jah says he could survive by not buying anything and making everything with existing materials because he went to survival camp when he was a young man (Episode 033, 11:52).
57:28 – Jah saw a bumper sticker today on a Ford F-150 pickup truck driving in Brentwood on San Vicente Blvd., located behind the driver’s head. It was a normal rectangular-shaped sticker but slightly angled and maybe homemade – it said BUCK FARACK.
4:25 – Jah looks like an asshole in his driver’s license photo (Episode 145, 8:25); he’s leaning his head back and giving an ice-cold San Quentin stare.
24:30 – Seth got a voicemail in response to the t-shirt he saw a couple weeks back (Episode 166, 22:28), talking about another t-shirt: I HAVE A CURE FOR PMS: SHOOT THE BITCH.
35:37 – A few months ago, Seth looked up Jonathan Lee Riches’ penitentiary, got the address, got his inmate number and sent him a letter taunting him, calling him out for not suing Uhh Yeah Dude yet. He even gave him all the info he needed to listen to the show.
58:56 – Seth never did a Ouija board, but Jah got spooked to death when he did it as a kid. He got up and left the room immediately because he was so disturbed by it.
1:02:11 – Jah’s life has been inundated by TOMS shoes, whose headquarters are in Santa Monica. Jah had just been talking to his friend Tim and a girl Meg Fowler about advertising on the show, and minutes later he rounds the corner and sees two TOMS vans there. He sees two young hipster-looking people (one guy, one girl) in one of the vans, and Jah pulls up and rolls down his window. He asks jokingly, if when he buys a pair of TOMS at Whole Foods and they’re the wrong size, do the kids in Africa get the wrong size as well? Jah gets no response from the dude, but the girl cracks up. (In the middle of the story Jah forgets why he was going to tell this story.) In the end he got $5 coupons off TOMS and talked to them about advertising with the show. Seth says he’ll be using the same joke when he goes to Whole Foods tomorrow.
8:09 – In Jah’s boarding school, they had a kid named Greg who was deaf in one ear and they all called him “Gweg.” They thought he got kicked out of the school but he only got suspended. Jah and all his buddies broke into his room and took all of his stuff, and the guy came back. Jah recalls holding his Walkman and almost starting to cry in his bedroom when they were raiding it.
18:18 – Amir claims that he believes Jonathan takes a bath every time before he masturbates. Seth thinks Jah lights votives and takes a bath after his jerk session.
57:02 – Seth finds it disgusting to drink the leftover milk from his cereal, but Jah loves doing it. Seth can’t stand the sugary lukewarm texture of it. Jah considered it a rebellious thing to do because his mom wouldn’t let him buy super sugary cereals. He had to drink a lot of Hansen’s Cola in his life.
50:31 – Jah has been in a Best Buy store before. He bought a Frank Zappa DVD, a weird thing that had been released on VHS and a company decided to reprint it on DVD.
52:14 – Seth went to the beach when he first got to Hollywood because he thought it would be a good thing. Fourteen years later he has not been back to the beach once.
55:36 – The arsons that Rebecca Rubin was involved with were the same arsons that Jah’s good friend from VVS, Josephine Overaker, was involved with. She has not been arrested and is on the lam. The group that did the arsons, Earth Liberation Front (ELF), spawned from a man from Prescott, Ariz., William C. Rodgers, who hanged himself in his jail cell in 2005. A bunch of ELF are in prison now.
1:00:28 – Jah owes T-Mobile $1,000. As of right now he can receive texts and phone calls but can not send anything out.
2:05 – A guy showed Seth his Arizona driver’s license photo in which he had his picture taken in 1990 and has not renewed it since. Seth flipped out.
23:12 – Jonathan’s younger brother, Ben, used to have a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe when he was a kid. Jah tried to squeeze into it at age 13 when he was stoned because he thought it would be funny.
30:06 – Seth’s gumball machine in his living room is the centerpiece of his home, an apartment he has lived in for 8 years. It was given to him from Jonathan. Seth went to a party supply store on La Cienega Blvd., bought a bag of gumballs and stole the top of their gumball machine to replace his missing one. He filled it up with gumballs 8 years ago, and they are as soft as the day he bought them.
43:07 – One of the last meat products Seth ate was In-N-Out before he became vegetarian. Jonathan reveals that he broke his vegetarianism and has been eating all kinds of fish lately. He had sushi the other day. He doesn’t know if it’s going to stick. Seth calls him a crazy fuck and says that he was going to nominate Jah as PETA’s Sexiest Vegetarians 2010, but he can’t do it anymore. Jah has a tough time explaining why he broke his 10-year streak, but the nourishment he got from the fish he knew he couldn’t get from anywhere else and felt so good afterward
50:01 – Seth is still tripping on the tuna. He can’t believe Jah’s historic revelation during the episode. Jah is on the fence about it and doesn’t know which way he will go now.
1:45 – Jah knows Delta Airlines still exists because he went and talked to them when he was stranded in Florida. There’s something about their blue and tweed vibe that is somehow comforting to him. His family flew Delta when he was younger and so it seems like a safe airline that won’t kill you.
5:30 – UYD thanks New Sensations (Episode 171, 38:59). They were contacted by their friend who heard the show, who thanked them for their kind words about the trailer. She sent UYD copies of said movie, which they watched. Seth claims that Jerry and Elaine bone down constantly, and that there’s a “Porn Nazi.” Seth spent the whole week saying “What’s the deal with vaginas?” in a Seinfeld voice.
36:52 – Seth comes across a picture on the internet of a 12-year-old young man holding up the deck of a skateboard he’s bought. The visual is two stick figures of women, then a + sign, then a cup. (Episode 167, 16:56). In the picture, it says he bought it at the Vans store in Orange. Seth took it upon himself to verify the legitimacy of the photo. He calls the store and says his name is David Updyke, calling for the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (a real Boston-based organization). He got a manager and expressed his concerns about the photo, asking if the skateboard was actually being sold. He connected Seth (Mr. Updyke) to the legal department of Vans; the woman asked him to e-mail the picture, and Seth said he was “too upset.” He asked her if she had a search engine and directed her where to find it. She said she was familiar with the “2 Girls 1 Cup” video and sounded a little nervous to be dealing with an advocacy group. Seth changed his outgoing message to that of the advocacy group in case he was out getting a wheatgrass shot, then he tried to actually call the CCFC and let them run with it, but they were out of the office already on Friday. Jah did some follow-up research on it – it’s a girls’ deck made by Mike Carroll.
28:44 – Seth was on the phone with Time Warner for 49 minutes because they couldn’t make his internet work, and they were telling him they couldn’t give out passwords. Seth swore one time and they ended the conversation with him.
30:41 – Seth was thrown out of his Starbucks because he almost throttled somebody. The manager of the Starbucks asked him to leave after he asked an Asian guy “Do you want me to punch you in the face?” The dude was standing 12 feet away from where they order coffee, hiding behind a kiosk and looking at $600 espresso machines. When Seth got in line the guy asked him, “What, you didn’t see me standing there?” and made a big deal out of it. Seth got pissed at the guy and got thrown out. He walked down the street furious, and wanted the guy to come out of the store and tell him if he ever sees him again he’ll kill him. Seth walks down to Peet’s Coffee, which is a crazy vortex. He doesn’t know where to order or anything, he’s just holding two $1 bills. The perky cashier goes “How can I help you sir?” Seth asks for a small black coffee, and the guy goes, “Oooh, looks like you’ll be paying with $2 cash today!” Seth nearly punches this dude in the face. Jonathan notices a lot of cashiers go, “Let me go ahead and…” to walk you through the process.
58:18 – Jonathan crashed his bike today and he’s hurting really bad.
1:11 – Seth received a legitimate report from a friend, who was at the Arclight movie theater on Monday. Bill and Ted were there together having lunch, both eating salads.
5:12 – Jah admits he spends a shitload of time deciding what to wear. Seth wants to know how much time he spent tonight, because J-dawg is wearing purple locals flip-flops from Hawaii, a white two-button t-shirt with a pouch for the hands, and what Seth thought were casual gray sweatpants – but they’re actually very tapered at the ankle with a harem-like drop crotch about 2 ½ feet below his ballsack. Seth says the first thing that comes to mind is that they are MC Hammer pants (Episode 117, 46:12). Jah says he has two pairs of them. He wore a pair of blue ones with a dope muscle tank top with a T back made by Locos Only, which says FITNESS CLUB OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA in 80s font to a barbecue on the Fourth of July, and at one point Amir called him over and said, “Jonathan, come on. It’s Fourth of July. Go back to the car and put on your crazy outfit.”
7:43 – Jah wants to go on record and say that Toms are the new Crocs, because they’re awesome and he wore them. He also wore Crocs for a short period of time (Episode 011, 2:52), which he admits was an absolute criminal act and he should have been punished for it more than he was.
9:54 – Jah’s friend Will, who listens to the show, called Jah the other day and told him they bought tickets for Conan a year ago and the taping was that night. Will called Jah after he got out of the taping to make sure Jah got the message. Jah wanted to know how it was, and Will said Conan was even more awesome in person than you think he would be by watching the show. After Jah got off the phone, he realized there are people who are still super down with Conan, and at this point he no longer feels like Conan’s character or personality is authentic anymore.
17:24 – Jah finds himself eating and drinking things in his life that become staples and he wonders how it ever got that way. It’s almost subconscious because he gets so used to it. It takes a lot to break that cycle, like his coffee. Sometimes he’s so glad by the time he gets done with his coffee, and food period. Seth claims he eats to live, not live to eat.
25:12 – Jah received a text saying 2 HYPE 2 SKYPE.
31:28 – Jah talks about Myspace being played out and how he only goes on there to look at bands. Jah showed Seth the power of the ‘Book, and Seth acknowledges that it’s explosive. Jah has heard of people meeting on Facebook having never met in real life, and through messages they send to each other, choosing to meet and have sex.
45:04 – Jah is scared because he’s pretty sure at this point that his best days are behind him. As far as his capacity to absorb and enjoy external things in the world, there’s no way anything’s going to happen from this point on that’s going to be as dope for him as the things he’s already seen, had or gotten. His best days were driving down the PCH, screaming out to Jah (Episode 110, 39:50). J-dawg will be 32 years old on August 7.
4:05 – Seth went to Tijuana one day and it was the only time he’s ever left the country. There’s a lot of things he can’t discuss about the trip, but he does recall that it was hot, he was walking down a cobblestone street and a one-armed man whispered the word “cervezas” and called him into a building. That’s the last thing he remembers.
6:57 – Jah used to go to the NAMM (National Association of Music Merchants) show every year to check out all the new gear from all the top companies back when he was a total nerd. In the lower levels you’d see all the boutique guys who were just starting out with new companies and he would find rad FX pedals, etc., but upstairs with all the big companies like Gibson you get all the huge-titted girls that come with it. They’re also available for photo ops. Jah says there’s something about watching men who are friends who go together to the show, find those girls and wait in line and put their bodies around them to have their pictures taken. He says there’s always a glimmer of hope from these guys that they’ll fall in love and run off together.
16:16 – Seth was standing in Whole Foods minding his own business, waiting to purchase a Think Thin bar and cherry soy yogurt. He’s feeling some heat and casually looks over to see Michael C. Hall (Dexter) staring at him. Seth says this happened to him a couple weeks ago as well. As he puts it, to look up and see Dexter eyeballing you is “scary as fuck.” Seth played it cool and extended the stare a bit more but was shaking on the inside.
14:35 – Jah had a root canal and says he’s still dealing with it a bit physically. He’s had a septic tooth in his rear molar since before he left for Europe. By the time he got back the tooth had died and he didn’t have to worry about it anymore, but it started getting so bad that he had to get it taken care of. In that tooth the dentist did half of a root canal, drilling into three different pockets and pulling out a back nerve. He has to go back in for the rest of it on Monday. He had a lubret piercing when he was 18 years old with a fishtail back, where the metal was resting against his gum and he bore a hole through his gum. That requires them taking a piece from the roof of his mouth out and grafting it into that area. At the back of the other side of his mouth, there’s an 11mm-deep pocket where his wisdom tooth was taken out. It’s become a hole in his jaw that bacteria and food particles have gotten into and begun to rot his jawbone out. They cut through his gum into his jaw and used a cadaver bone to fuse onto his jawbone. He did all that and had a full cleaning so he’s good to go. Jah maintains this is the worst part of the body and it should be replaced with metal 150-year teeth when you hit puberty.
22:39 – Seth got a voicemail from a dude who saw an SUV all tricked out, and engraved on the side of the SUV was this: GREAT LEGS. WHAT TIME DO THEY OPEN?
24:51 – Jah busted a monster of a pickup line not that long ago. He was riding his bike and saw a crazy attractive girl ride by. He chased up to her and said “Your seat’s too low.” He told her she wasn’t getting a proper extension because her knees were being bent too long, and she sped off away from him.
49:55 – Jah doesn’t wear a helmet when he rides his bike, and when he crashed a couple weeks ago it made him realize how important it was to have one.
1:03:37 – Almost every other conversation that Jah and Amir have starts with each of them saying “Hey,” and then Amir says, “You didn’t check the message…” It frustrates him to no end that Jah won’t get the information off of the message that he needs.
1:07:13 – Jah reveals that, according to a listener whose co-worker does this, backing into parking spaces and waiting there is an indicator for other gay men to come blow you. (Episode 114, 25:38).
3:47 – Jonathan looked up Amir’s old place on Megan’s Law website and there was a crazy rapist right across the street from him (Episode 074, 8:15). Seth warned his mom to move because her neighborhood was surrounded by peeds.
9:52 – In response to making fun of The Tragically Hip last week, a beautiful young woman from Ontario called Seth and agreed with that part, but made fun of America for leaving their shoes on inside the house. Jah says to fuck all Canadians on that because their shit is just not on point musically.
22:51 – Jah saw a homeless dude in Santa Monica the other day who was fully homeless with a t-shirt, filthy hands and arms, backpack, beard, matted hair, underwear, and then on his body, hiked up to just below his cock and ass, were an 8-year-old girl’s pair of True Religion jean shorts. There was maybe an inch between the two pockets.
30:58 – Jah has a birthday coming up on Friday. He’s playing a show a couple nights before and he’s thinking about getting a tattoo inside of his lip. He’s committed to doing it and there’s other people who have committed to doing it as well if he does. He’d also like to get another one on the forearm that embodies something about the show, possibly AND THE WHITE MAN CALLED HER FLUTE PLAYING WIND. – UHH YEAH DUDE (Episode 016, 44:20; Episode 113, 42:32).
39:49 – Jah saw his first black girl wearing a SARS mask walking down the street. She was wearing a Lakers outfit and a Lakers-colored mask. It was the first non-Asian or non-hippie cyclist Jah had seen wearing one. Jah wonders if they’re trying to keep the germs in or out, and Seth confirms they’re keeping them out.
44:04 – When Seth’s mother was in town recently they went into a Home Depot on Sunday morning at 9 a.m. and Seth didn’t think anyone actually worked there. There was no one in the building to ask anything. They just did self-checkout and jetted.
45:06 – Seth went to the Arclight to see a midnight showing of Bruno, and there were 36 people trying to buy tickets before showtime with only one kiosk open. Seth yelled at Gabriel, the manager, for his incompetence. Seth is also frustrated because he always goes to Jamba Juice and asks for a single shot of wheatgrass and they constantly ask him if he wanted a single or a double.
59:35 – Jah thinks he was definitely butt naked until he was 5 years old. There are pictures of him sitting naked on his Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel outside the front of his house in Los Feliz laying back in the sun. Oscar and Ralph from next door made him sit on a red anthill because he ran around naked all the time. (Episode 100 Part II, 11:10; Episode 134, 1:26). Even when the earthquake hit, all three of the Larroquette men were butt naked outside. (Episode 113, 3:09). Jah asks Seth if he sleeps in the nude and Seth says no way. Jah says it’s liberating to sleep nude because it changes your dreams; he sleeps nude maybe 3 or 4 nights a week.
7:33 – Back in the day, as a boy, Seth and Jonathan got chewed up by mosquitos. Seth would buy deet, crack the cans off with a hammer and submerge himself in a bathtub of it.
8:14 – When Jonathan would go to survival camp in Montana, he would get eaten alive by mosquitos and horseflies that were an inch and a half long and would be incredibly painful when they bit him.
22:28 – Seth thinks of him when he was at Woodstock 2, buying an Aquafina for $14.50.
26:07 – Everybody Seth’s been talking to, if he asks they how they are, all they’re talking about is how tired and exhausted they are.
27:32 – In the bicycle community, L.A. is not zoned properly to allow bicycle traffic, because you get ticketed for riding your bike on a sidewalk. In the past few weeks, Seth has seen cars and bikes coming to complete stops in traffic and the person in the car is telling the person on the bike saying “I’m going to fucking kill you!” Then the cyclist rolls off and the driver restarts his car and they go on their merry ways. Jonathan thinks the solution is for cyclists to have licenses.
41:00 – Jah asks Seth if he realizes that Canadians don’t wear their shoes in the house (Episode 177, 9:52). Jah has verified this with a couple people. He realizes that Canadians are right about this because they’re bringing the world into the house. Seth agrees, but he has to have his shoes on at all time. Jah recommends slippers, but Seth needs ankle support and says he needs House Jordans. A year ago Jah got Seth some SB sneakers that he loves to wear. It was around the time that they went to Hyde with Guy and Jah got left outside (Episode 128, 29:30). Jah’s dad showed up at the studio a year ago with an awesome vegan chocolate cake that sat in the middle of the table. They ate it and it was rad and they shot an episode that night before going out.
50:25 – Jah doesn’t understand why he still only pays $5 a pack for cigarettes and is still complaining about it. He thinks if you’re dumb enough to smoke them you should pay out the ass for them. In other parts of the world, as well as New York City, they cost $12 a pack.
51:31 – When Seth was a junior at Haverhill High School and their girls’ basketball team was playing for the state championship, Seth and his friends. were boarding several buses to go get rowdy at the Worcester Centrum. Seth went to the drug store at the corner and he bought a box of 50 cigars for $3, and then sold them on the bus ride there for $1 each. He made $47 and he was crying because he was so happy. During the bus ride, he started the chant, “Gimme a Y! Gimme an O! Gimme a U! Who’s the greatest?!” And the bus responded, “YOU!! … Ohh…..”
54:47 – Jonathan brings up the time he was on the Michael Jackson Victory Tour, when he pissed his pants (Episode 039, 51:05). During the middle of the show, Michael decided to go into his Michael Medley, which lasted about 27 minutes long. Jah had to piss at the start of it, but couldn’t leave because Jacko was being so awesome. At one point Jah was bowled over in piss pain, and Jacko was up on stage cowering saying “No! No!” as a mechanical spider was descending on him. The last trickle of piss had just stopped coming out of his body, and his friend’s dad took him on a 15-minute walk to the bathroom, where he fake-pissed in the horse-trough at the Forum. Recently Jonathan ran into this man’s daughter at her wedding, and she told him she had been listening to the show for 6 months, and the first episode she listened to was when Jah told the story about them going to the Victory Tour show together. Seth says it’s too bad that RunPee didn’t exist back then.
1:07:16 – Jah was thinking about something the other night. There’s so much talk from the crazies about aliens coming or having been here or being here right now. There’s only one thing that made sense to Jah the other night when he was sitting on his roof looking at the sky with a roach and half an appletini: If there were someone/something on the other planet looking at us from the other side, the quickest way to bridge the gap between the planets would be to build it both ways to meet in the middle. The way to do this is to control things that are happening on the other side, so you plant artificially intelligent ideas into a human brain. From the tech we currently have tactile here, that doesn’t sound implausible within our current set of tools and ingredients. Assuming there is other life besides us, we need to send stuff out to make it come to us. Jah feels like aliens are here right now, and he didn’t used to think that. It freaks him out because he might be talking to one at a Starbucks. He says he sees a glow about live humans, and there’s other things that look just like them but they’re not the same thing. Seth responds to this diatribe by saying, “Happy birthday alien.”
5:24 – Seth’s mom got him some Soft Scrub detergent with bleach and it works. She did a little test run on the table in his apartment to show Seth the potency, and made a little design, and there’s still an “S” on the table.
6:52 – Seth never did summer school, but Jah did it every summer of high school including the year after his graduating year. Seth isn’t surprised by this, because on Tuesdays at 10:00 a.m. while people were in History class, Jah was getting Filet-o-Fishes, smoking weed and screaming about JAH! while driving down the PCH.
9:25 – Seth’s old man was in Boston last week at a hotel, and said there were skateboarder dudes all over the hotel. There was some big skateboarding event at the Boston Garden. He was down at the bar and walked up to a table of dudes and wondered if he could get passes to the show. He then asked them, “Are any of you guys the 2 Girls 1 Cup dude?” The whole table of skaters lost it and erupted in laughter.
19:03 – Seth met Taylor Negron, the actor who delivers a pizza in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a couple weeks ago. He is Chuck Negron’s brother.
23:16 – Jah declares that Pee-Wee’s Playhouse was the dopest children’s TV show ever. He says that he drove by the dinosaur that was featured in a kissing scene in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure on the way back from The Integratron yesterday.
30:06 – Every P.E. teacher Jah had was either a crazy dyke or had a mustache and a cocaine problem. He had a couple macho P.E. dudes who drove Trans-Ams and wore dolphin shorts. Seth’s gym teacher was the oldest dude in the world, and the kids would play basketball and want to be Michael Jordan. He would give them lectures about how MJ was too flashy and would never make it, Larry Bird had the fundamentals and there was no defense against the skyhook.
31:32 – When Seth is in Larchmont and he sees kids on skateboards, he’ll give them a nod and they just think he’s a whack old dude. But he says he had a good run when Jonathan gave Seth some Nike SBs a year ago on his birthday. Right when he got them he had a couple months when they were legitimate and he was Danny Way. He would see kids and just stretch down in front of them and flash the SBs.
1:53 – Jah never had the true college dorm experience, although when he was at boarding school it was a similar experience of being in a crazy place with a bunch of people you don’t know. Jah says it was weirder doing it at that age instead of at college age, because by that time you are ready to be out of your parents’ house. Seth disagrees, because he was an only child and a latch-key kid. At Emerson, Keith Travis from Nashville, Tenn., was in the bunk above him and Casey McCarthy from Parkersburg, W.Va., was 6 feet away from him. It was very daunting and very real. Jah says homesickness is a very real thing. Seth’s mom told him that’s when everything in his life spun out of control.
7:34 – Jah has gotten tagged from his little brother, Ben, while changing his diapers at the changing table. He would pee, poop and puke on big brother Jah.
19:31 – Seth has only been to one hockey game in his life – when he was in high school his dad took him to a Boston Bruins game.
23:45 – Jah says he wears shit to go pick up Starbucks in the morning that he would probably have his throat cut in other parts of the country. But he blames them for it.
26:10 – Jah told Seth today on Venice Boulevard and Centinella, there’s a Chase Bank and a Mitsuwa Japanese market, which has 2 noodles shops and a crazy gift shop with Ichiro jerseys, etc., and a CVS. Posted up in the driveway for all three was an 8-foot long table with pamphlets all over it. A black woman in her 60s in Sunday church attire with hair done and a crippled old white dude and a 25-year-old Hispanic kid were all sitting there next to a gigantic picture of Barack Obama with a Hitler moustache. People had posted up but had kept their distance. Wind was blowing and pamphlets were flying on the street, and the lady was discussing something with somebody who was 15 feet away, trying to explain something to them and lure them closer.
34:07 – This week, these are three things Seth overheard people saying in Hollywood: 3) Someone calling the “Cash for Clunkers” program the “Cash for Crunkers,” 2) A woman calling the governor of California “Schwarz-negger,” and 1) A grown man saying to another grown man, “You know, he’s bigger, he had more body mass…” (Seth assumed they were talking about the MMA fight from the previous week.) Then the man finishes his statement: “…that’s why he won. He just believed it. Kung Fu Panda. Good movie.”
40:11 – When Seth is driving, he sees everyone talking on the phone while they’re driving. He doesn’t do it because he doesn’t have a cell phone. Jah left his Blackberry at Seth’s apartment last week, so Seth took it out in public and saw people he knew, who asked what the hell he was doing. He was faux-texting, drinking a Starbucks coffee and had the Blackberry, and a friend of his said he looked like “an L.A. action figure.” Then Amir called and Seth picked it up and answered it, and he said he looked good with it. People just thought it was his. Jah thinks Seth may get one for his upcoming birthday on Sept. 20.
56:10 – Jah went to see District 9 and saw a preview for Zombieland. Seth says he never liked Woody Harrelson, even when he was on Cheers.
3:26 – Jah’s friend Wag has the craziest Christmas music collection he’s ever seen, and has been collecting the library for years and years.
5:10 – Jah saw a non-vintage Jackée Harry on foot, in a place where there were no stores or anything. She was huffing it on Venice with one of her homies.
5:54 – Seth saw Robert Blake at the Sherman Oaks Whole Foods in the parking lot. He was tiny and alive, wearing a cowboy hat. Seth wondered what to say to him but chickened out.
10:32 – Jonathan saw The Rolling Stones at The Coliseuem with Living Colour and Guns N’ Roses. David Faustino was about 1 or 2 rows in front of him. Jonathan went with his dad and a friend of his. He was at this point a full-fledged GNR fan, was excited to see the Stones and was down with Living Colour. He’s guessing it was 1986 or 1987. Jah remembers it was the first time he ever smelled weed wafting in the air, and he asked his dad what that was. Shortly thereafter he had his first experience with marijuana, and remembered sitting on his parents’ bed when he was a kid and them passing a roach around and him smelling it.
18:13 – Jonathan says he’s familiar with Scientology gibberish speak because he went to a Scientology preschool. If kids fell down and scuffed their needs and started crying, the teacher would stand up on steps over them and say “Moti-vator, Moti-vator.” Jah recalls thinking, even at 5 years old, that this woman was a cunt.
29:09 – Jah was boiling in the supermarket as he stood in line reading the tabloid headlines about why Bradley Cooper chose Renee Zellweger.
48:54 – Seth recalls the first time he and 7 of his buddies gathered around Dave Thistlewood and listened to NWA on tape for the first time (Episode 017, 27:48, Episode 056, 14:15). He went out and bought an LA Kings Starter jacket the next day.
53:28 – Seth dips back into his sobriety. He was out at a bar this past weekend and got a handle of some people after a few spirits. They got to saying some crazy-ass stuff. He heard someone saying he wanted to “go get some strange.”
55:02 – Jah has been out a lot, which has been good for his opinion of this city and the potential that it has. But he has to dig, and in digging he finds himself in some grim places. For some reason, Jah attracts the drunkest, craziest dudes and girls, which is wonderful unless they’re so sloppy that they have to be taken care of. Everybody calls him Jesus and he says it’s the pits.
57:02 – Jah asks Seth if boning in cars is sexy. Seth says yes, but Jah says it’s a nightmare. He’s had some magical evenings, but BJs and fingering is way more applicable in that setting. He’s 6-foot-2 so it’s a disaster to try to bone in a car, unless it’s a hearse. Seth is simple, he likes to go to Inspiration Point and bone.
1:06:17 – Seth tells underage listeners to come to the live show anyway. It was like when he and his cousin Eric couldn’t get into the Def Leppard show in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, so they stood outside a chain link fence and listened to the whole thing. He still tied a bandana around his left leg and spit heat.
14:55 – Jah tries to analyze why he straight-faced lied to Jeff when he stole his sacred marijuana (Episode 124, 26:53).
42:20 – Jah can attest to being in a situtation where there is an active sexual relationship with a couple having awesome, amazing sex – there are certainly situations where an orgasm is not involved.
49:12 – Seth goes into Pavilions, gets Morning Star bacon and a 12-pack of Pepsi Max. He punches his phone number in to get his discout and knows it’s going to come to $9.99. He hands the woman a $10 bill, there’s a guy trying to put it into a bag and walk it out for him, the woman is trying to hand him a penny and hand him a 10-foot long receipt and ask him to donate to something. He just wants to leave and head home and finds himself slapping people’s hands.
50:34 – Jah thinks something has changed in employee handbooks in the last few years because no one speaks to each other in the real world anymore. As a result there is forced interaction from employees to customers doing the same thing over and over again, and the recipients aren’t receiving it, and it’s causing the process to be more natural and take longer and require more people to accomplish it if they didn’t just let these people get their shit and go. Your only job in Jamba Juice is to be able to pour juice and deal with people.
58:16 – Seth didn’t realize that native Hawaiians don’t like white people (“Haoles”). Jah confirms that this is true because of the Stacy and Susan incident (Episode 043, 3:10). Half of the dudes that were there already didn’t like him because he was a crazy white boy with dreds talking about Bob Marley. It was only because the dudes he was with were cool with him that he was even allowed to be in the house, and then after he bought weed from Stacy and Susan, all bets were off. … Jah had friends from there who would get beat up.
1:01:05 – Jah admits that he had amazing times in Hawaii as well. He lost his virginity there.
8:18 – Seth doesn’t want to get into it but he’s been having some issues with his post office (Nat King Cole Post Office on Western) and getting his GQ, Sports Illustrated and Playboy magazines. He asks the lady behind the counter, “Is it possible that there’s a man in this post office that took my Playboy, Sports Illustrated and GQ?” She said it was not possible.
14:57 – Seth talked to his buddy who goes to the 24-Hour Fitness in Boys Town and they had to shut down the sauna after 10 p.m. because it was a straight party.
28:22 – Seth was getting a wheatgrass shot and a girl cut her finger. Seth said “That’s cool,” and walked out of the store without getting a shot because it freaked him out.
37:34 – Seth has to admit that even though he loves TV he thinks to himself that he could cheat on his TV with internet. He gets so excited on that thing because there’s so much stuff on it.
40:22 – Jah saw a white guy walk in the other day with his Asian girl, and she was so meek and broken down and he was so gross and creepy but also smug and chesty, and Jah instantaneously thought “this was bad.”
1:04:33 – Seth wonders if the hot girls working outside of Whole Foods ever dupe Jah into coming over and signing their petitions, but he says their game is whack because they’re trying to come at him like dudes come at girls. He said one girl got so slutty with him while trying to get him to adopt a kid in South America that he thought she was a whore.
9:19 – Seth was older when he first saw people boning, but he guesses that the average day for this today is 4 years old.
19:26 – Seth had to go to Time Warner because his modem crapped out on him. He thought about going in notebook style and just writing down what he needs (Episode 113, 11:24 and Episode 015, 21:26), but he’s already been an asshole in this place before, so he mixes it up. On the fly he pulls this out: “Listen, I’m Christian…” and goes with it, and gives a lot of “Bless You”s and Drew Barrymore faux-Dali Lama bowing, and before he knows it, he has a new modem, new cord, new power strip, a special card for the guy who’s coming the next morning from 9-12 and makes the woman tear up. Originally he wanted to firebomb the place because he’s been dealing with incessant internet issues. He thinks he might go with this ploy again, and Jah wonders what Seth’s mom will think about it.
21:54 – Seth has lived in LA for 14 years, he’s had 3 different automobiles and lived in 3 different places, and none of the 6 have had air conditioning.
26:17 – Seth remembers Larry Gelbart, who created MASH. Seth met him because he cast the Corsairs pilot when Seth played Jonathan’s father as a young man. Seth wonders if he is the only person to have met both Larry and Gertrude Baines, who passed away on the same day.
27:02 – Jonathan gets a little deep in talking about meeting the oldest person in the world, Gertrude Baines, who recently passed away. At this stage in Jah’s life he hopes to have a long, crazy life. He woke up the morning after Gertrude’s death, and the first thing he saw was the 114th birthday cake picture that hangs on the corkboard in his room.
39:27 – Seth saw Fritz Coleman doing stand-up at Paramount when he worked there doing catering 10 years ago.
45:05 – Jah ate dinner at the Souplantation located at San Vicente and Montana last night, the second time he’s been there in his entire life. The first time was three weeks ago. He said it gets gangster in there around 7:00 at night. Dimitri has been fasting every day for Ramadan (no water, no food until sundown). Jah made him go there after not having eaten there all day, and Dimitri got so rocked out and sick. They went over to Amir’s house to rehearse, and Dimitri puked. Jah said it gets gangster in there; everyone is either 1,000 years old or has children, and kids give the finger to their parents.
46:44 – Seth saw Brad Garrett in a Souplantation at the Beverly Connection 10 years ago. Jah has seen weird faux celebs at weird faux dates there before as well.
59:59 – Jah has some crazy secret abilities. He can tell you the voice actor of any voiceover commercial. He and Seth were watching TV the other day and Jah goes “That’s the father of That 70s Show.” Seth couldn’t believe he identified Kirtwood Smith’s voice. Jah says he’s truly his father’s son in that respect because John Larroquette is the champ at that game.
2:20 – Jonathan has some items waiting for him from AdamandEve.com that were delivered to him by the postal people. He has some stuff to try out.
5:48 – Jah wonders if Seth threw Nair-bombs at people on Halloween, but Seth just went egging. Jah thinks egg, shaving cream and Nair should be an integral part of each Halloween holiday. Seth explains that if one has the internet, he can look up the history of Haverhill, MA, and learn about the famous egg wars that Seth Romatelli started. If you can’t find anything on microfiche, Seth will photocopy some articles and mail them to you.
12:38 – Seth went into Ralph’s today so he could by some Pepsi Max, and he’s looking up at the sign that says which aisle has what, and one aisle says “New Age Drinks.” It was just flavored water, that would’ve been considered “new” in a supermarket 15 years ago when Seth used to go to DeMoulas.
15:50 – Jah admits that he once spent an hour with a little Sony robot dog and tried to figure out if he wanted one in his house. He wonders what the first AI-ish thing that he and Seth bring into their lives will be. Seth thinks it will be a fuck doll that can be given emotion and touch.
21:31 – Jah talks about CVS’s $1 and $2 clearance boxes that feature a gang of Olsen twins VHS tapes, which he didn’t come close to touching when he went in there. Seth explains that people buy useless things, like the marshmallow shooter in the SkyMall catalog.
28:33 – Jah was in a drug store the other day and there was an old woman in there who is a serial shoplifter. The employees were telling Beatrice that she didn’t have to do this.
53:17 – Seth came out of Whole Foods this week and they were doing another petition. They asked him if he could do something for civil rights, and when he hears that phrase he thinks about Birmingham in the 50s. Later he came back to the other entrance and somebody asked him, “Do you want to sign something to overturn Prop 8 for gay marriage?”
9:09 – Jah has been spending quite a bit of time in his local post office because he has been sending out some promos for Jogger’s new record, which are going out to various press people, college radio stations, etc. Jah says there seems to be a zen master working in every single post office in America, but the problem is that you have to figure out who that person is, focus on them, and then as soon as they get involved everything is solved within 37 seconds. In Jah’s particular post office, it’s a big, chubby, super-fresh, super-patient Haitian woman with dredlocks who somehow laughs off everything. Jah says there was a man there who was covered in so much of his own urine, as well as foreigners with crazy documents with no pictures on them, screaming that they need their checks. He describes it as Waterworld combined with Jumanji.
13:42 – Seth’s mother went to the mall in New Hampshire so she could go to the Apple Store to get an iPod so she could listen to UYD on her iPod. Seth told her to avoid talking to old dudes and just find a young kid and talk about iTunes, lock it in and get it. The salesperson gives her the wrong one, she doesn’t find out until she gets home, and has to return it. In explaining the show to him, the salesperson goes to the website, presses on one of the videos and Seth’s mom hears from across the room, “I want to fuck my father,” and has to run back over the dude and try to explain it all to him while he’s staring in abject terror. Seth takes this opportunity to apologize to his mother.
26:48 – Somebody told Jah recently about a film that was created in the 1970s when auras were really big. The film could supposedly film your aura and energies around you, and they filmed a childbirth. As it came out and took its first breath, the color of the aura originated around the head. Seth’s response: “No it didn’t. But go on.”
36:00 – Something happened to Jonathan at a museum once, where there was an unframed exposed image set on the wall 6 inches away from where you view it. Jah leaned his head into it and passed the threshold of what was secure, and a laser shot with a super-high pitched frequency happened that freaked out his equilibrium. It was the most disorienting thing ever and he thought he might be having a stroke. The other time, he was reaching into a gated-off vending machine and by breaking that threshold the same kind of device went off. Seth claims that the new thing they’re developing is a heat that is so hot once you step into it that it burns you. A guy even with a mattress in front of him had to jump back because it was burning him.
44:00 – Jonathan had some Munchies the other day. It’s basically a chip party mix of Sun Chips, Doritos, Rold Gold, etc. They also make a flaming hot version. He only ate one bag of them, but the way he felt afterward made him feel like he had eaten an entire bag of each. They cloak all of them in a flavor spray they put over all the Munchies.
45:55 – Seth got a message at the house and he thought for a split second that he had his retrosexual (Episode 087, 38:55; Episode 184, 2:47). A former flame of his, Stacy Stewart, left him a message while walking on the treadmill, coincidentally not long after Seth heard about the Class of 1991 Facebook Pub Crawl this past weekend spearheaded by Mike Bevalaqua. Stacy says she ran into Seth’s father in Salisbury Beach. She said, “I think about you all the time. When I think about you I think about that date where you took me to Papa Geno’s. I also think about how we used to kiss behind the bookcase in Mr. Sullivan’s class. Drop me an e-mail. So amazing, I married a great guy, we had a few kids…” At this point Seth fully loses his boner and deletes the message. As Seth is relaying the story to his mother, his mother tells him that was his first girlfriend. Seth’s mom remembered the night that Seth took Stacy to Papa Geno’s, because Seth’s dad saw his bike parked by the restaurant. She said, As a matter of fact, Seth’s mom thinks she sent Seth’s dad back up to Papa Geno’s to take a picture because Stacy’s bike was parked next to Seth’s bike. Seth wants so badly to have that photograph when he makes his upcoming journey to Brooklyn.
54:05 – Seth was at the Getty Center yesterday in Brentwood. There were a bunch of school kids there on a field trip getting rowdy. He hears a gasp, and he turns around and sees a school teacher in her civilians take a full backwards fall into one of the water fountains. Seth could hardly explain the sheer joy and exuberance of all of the boys when they saw her land in the drink with a nice camera and pocketbook. They were holding each other and jumping up and down, and Seth wanted to get in with him. The girls were concerned, but not the boys. Seth looks at an entire exhibit up the stairs, comes back and they still have all of her stuff laid out to dry.
10:56 – Jah got a text from a listener who got swine flu, but there was no way of him verifying it.
29:36 – Jonathan speaks on the situation with people getting pissed about traffic tickets in the show Parking Wars: “When you are broke and that kind of stuff gets out from underneath you … the way this system works, I mean it is just… they take so fuckin’ much from you once you flip into that, like, ‘Oh I couldn’t afford to pay it.’ Or —I had something go into collections, I bounced a check to it. The check that I bounced, the overcharge that I got charged for that, put me so fucking inner ears that I couldn’t get out from under it and it was all because of a texting while driving ticket that I talked about getting on this show, however long ago (Episode 147, 2:00). And now here I am, still dealing with this, because—don’t get me wrong, I’m a fucking idiot—because I believe that stuff will somehow take care of itself or go away and I just can’t deal with it. So the first problem, the faultline, starts with me. But, fuck me man. The way the credit card systems work and the way that shit works, I mean, of course you want to … when you finally see somebody that’s somehow a representative of that in this tiny little 3-wheeled car sitting next to you and they’re being fuckin’ glib with you or, or, disrespectful, you’re like ‘I’m gonna fuckin’ crush your fuckin’ skull. Like, I’m gonna hammer your face with a hammer, until it stops blinking or moving. No wonder people get so fuckin’ angry.”
33:23 – Jah was walking his dog the other day, about 2 weeks ago, and he came around the corner and saw a woman walking his dog and another dude. He started chatting with them. The woman is in her 50s and the dude is standing behind her and off to the side looking at Jah. Jah looks at him and figures out that this is the weird couple. The woman doesn’t know that he’s there, and he just walks around them and walks off. This was a Thursday. Twelve hours later Jah got home from doing the podcast, grabs his dog and does one of his loops. He gets to the exact same corner at 4 or 5 a.m. and sees the dude literally coming in the exact same place he was 12 hours ago. He looks at him and doesn’t register that Jah had seen him earlier. Jah says “Hey” and the dude takes off walking. Jah walks outside today, and there are posters of him on every tree. He’s broken into 40 cars within a 5-block radius, stealing people’s GPS units and stuff. There’s a girl involved in a minivan, and they performed a similar ruse to the one Seth describes in his TV show. Jah and Seth assume it’s a reincarnation of gypsies running amok.
40:59 – It was 6:30 a.m. and Seth was watching hi Rehab show, and the emergency EAS message that pops up tells him about a father who abducted his child from his estranged wife at 5:00 that morning in North Hollywood driving a Chevy Astro van. Seth was in his underwear watching this. He wonders if he’s supposed to get dressed, get into his car and go find the guy.
50:32 – A listener sent Jah a gory, hardcore texting while driving PSA that freaked him out
7:30 – Seth got H1N1 on the subway on his way over to Public Assembly when a dude reached across him and scraped Seth’s face with his hand. Jah has not been in a subway since he’s been here, while Seth has. It’s the opposite of what he thought it would be.
9:11 – Seth and Jah were together and saw Jaycee Dugard, the 29-year-old girl who was kidnapped when she was a girl. She looks 17. Seth says if anything good can come out of this, being in a sex bunker for 14 years gives you perfect complexion.
17:32 – Jah’s dad went to a sleep specialist because he has sleep apnea and he literally dies in his sleep 70 times a night. They hook him up to a G4 computer with a tube that pumps oxygen into your nose.
28:14 – Jah’s mother called him this morning and told him about a man sitting on his balcony in front of his house in Marina Del Ray with his arm draped over the balcony. He was there from Monday to Thursday before authorities entered the home and realized he’d been shot through the eyeball. When all the neighbors were questioned, they all thought it was a Halloween decoration. It’s a block away from the Larroquettes’ house.
32:56 – Seth mentions how he thought he had a retrosexual (Episode 186, 45:55 with Stacy Stewart. He got a call from his old friend Mike Bevalaqua at his house the other day, and Mike claimed that Stacy was his retrosexual. Jah thinks the only way for this to be settled if for Mike and Seth to fight over her
33:56 – Jah ass-dialed his parents the other day when he was having sex – except it was actually an ankle-dial since his pants were around his ankles. He gives the crowd an example of the position he was in. He had no idea he did it, and he finished his business in the middle of the afternoon. Jah gets the weirdest feeling afterward like something has gone awry, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, and sees it had dialed “Dad,” the first name under D. He looks at the phone and assumes they just hung up, but the duration of the call said 52 seconds. Seth wants to know some of the noises Jah was making, but Jah just says they were egging each other on because they were rushed. Jah calls his parents’ home line and his mom answers the phone. He says “Hi mom” and his mom says “Hii.” Jah asks his mom if she heard anything, and she said, “I don’t know if I did. Maybe your father did.” The next time Jah called his dad, he picked up the phone while reciting the mantra “Please don’t be having sex, Please don’t be having sex, Please don’t be having sex.”
45:36 – Seth saw a sun visor in the window of a car that said LETHAL WEAPON 2 – THIS CAR IS PROTECTED BY DANNY GLOVER AND MEL GIBSON with pictures of them posted up.
46:23 – Seth saw some tai chi this morning, which is lovely and elegant when done by elderly Asian women. When it’s done by a dude with a goatee, cargo pants and sandals, it’s slow and gross.
48:30 – Jah got a message the other day from a girl that burns episodes on CDs and sends them to her husband in Afghanistan. He has a whole crew listening to UYD getting super crazy and rowdy about it.
3:14 – The same night UYD performed live in Brooklyn, Cheech and Chong performed live at Harrah’s in Laughlin, Nevada. Seth got a voicemail from a female listener who works at the hotel, and she wanted to let him know that Cheech Marin checked in at the hotel under an alias, “Dick Gozinya.”
5:33 – Jah’s father put him over his knee a couple times in his life because he did some lame stuff that deserved it. Jah thinks it’s effective. Seth’s dad wouldn’t dare spank him when he was growing up.
5:57 – Jah admits that he’s a screamer and when he loses his temper he screams. He says it sucks and it’s detrimental, but it’s what he does. He says screaming is different from yelling, because with screaming you’re trying to inflict shock and hurt into the person.
11:58 – Jah bought a a fine chenille women’s robe for his mom on Mother’s Day. It was around $200 at the Grove.
15:52 – Jah drove around the Mall of America once when he was in Minnesota. He wanted to go in it but didn’t get a chance to because it was 3 a.m. and he was leaving the next day.
16:54 – While Jah was traveling, he watched 4 other people watch television. There was a hot young rich girl done up in a new sweatsuit and a Louis Vuitton bag watching an episode of Entourage and flipping through it and stopping at parts that caught her eye.
20:33 – There was full mayhem outside of Seth’s apartment today. Jah witnessed two dudes in a car being chased by two other dudes. The car had been crashed and there was steam coming out of it, the hood was covering the windshield and the dudes were trying to hold it down while driving 35 miles per hour. Meanwhile Jah is out at his car getting a vegan club sandwich to bring in the house. Seth ran out yelling “Jonathan!” because he thought Jah got carjacked.
23:46 – UYD has a shitload of listeners who have the Swine Flu. Jah has talked to a few personally. The ones who have it all claim that they’ve been completely laid out. Seth didn’t get the vaccine because everyone told him that you get sick for a little bit after you get it. Seth didn’t want to deal with it. Jah thinks the vaccine is bogus. He never used to get vaccines, then he got one finally, and the next year when he didn’t have it he got sick like seven times.
26:47 – A listener told Seth they saw a bumper sticker on a car that said DADDY BOUGHT IT, BUT I GOT IT. Jah saw a hot pink Charger on the freeway last night on 22-inch rims with pink color-matched rims. It was 11:00 at night and all the license plate said was SHE PRETTY. 33:29 – Seth asks if Jah has ever had a bird shit on him. Jah says yes, and that it’s good luck. Seth figures it would be a horrible omen. When it happened to Jah, his hand was out the window of his parents’ car and a bird shit an enormous green diarrhea splatter on him. It was so foreign looking that Jah didn’t know what it was and figured someone from another car threw something at him. His mom heard him crying and turned around and realized he’d been shit on by a sick bird.
43:49 – Jah was watching one of the end battle scenes of the second Hulk movie today in a Best Buy. He thinks that Blu-ray and high-def TVs have absolutely destroyed that model of moviemaking because he was watching William Hurt at the end of it and you can see the glue of the beard and makeup on his face. Then there’s a crazy videogame character floating around on top of it all and Liv Tyler’s not even really looking at anything.
57:06 – Dimitri got egged last night in person, standing in front of the Tavern. The egg got into the hip pocket of his jeans and so he got in his car and left. The game they used was putting the egg yolk inside of a Taco Bell cup and whipping it out of the cup super fast.
5:25 – Jah is a clean person but he doesn’t keep a clean house because he gets overwhelmed with all his stuff. His mental functions are night and day when operating in a clean environment versus a dirty environment.
15:46 – Seth saw the Michael Jackson movie and declares that he is an artist, and you see an artist at work in the movie. The scene at the Cineramadome was curious on opening night at 9 a.m. A lot of the females looked like dancers
28:35 – Seth cheated a little bit in high school, but Jah did not. Jah did, however, steal from the lunch truck for a while. If Jah hadn’t prepared for a test, he would just go in and fail it.
48:26 – Jah used to be completely hooked on Mountain Dew. For at least two years, he drank two of the 24-ounce Dews a day. He had mad stomach problems and crazy anxiety attacks. Plus he was fat. Seth went off coffee last June, and it was bad for him for a couple weeks. He left work at one point and his head hurt so bad.
49:45 – Seth’s friend had kidney stones in college and called his dad in a delirious state screaming and passed the stones out his dick. You have to do that unless you pay money and get laser surgery. Otherwise you must drink a bunch of water and pee them out. When Seth got his appendix out, the nurse told him he might need a catheter. When he found out the possible repercussions, he forced himself to piss.
59:13 – Seth has never had a non-alcoholic beer. Jah says they’re gross. His dad likes Buckler’s, which almost taste like a beer if you keep them really, really cold.
59:57 – Jah said a long time ago on the show that he would never have a Twitter account, but Uhh Yeah Dude now has a Twitter account. Jah will update it from his phone and it will be an aggregate of the things that already exist. Jah says there is a Seth Romatelli on Twitter but he wants to make it clear that is not them.
1:01:28 – Jah’s dad called Seth a few weeks ago and said he got an e-mail from Seth and he sounded concerned about it. Then while leaving the message he realized this was not possible and hung up.
1:03:08 – Seth can’t believe it’s almost the end of the decade. It’s hard to believe that Y2K was 10 years ago. He was sitting in Abiquiu, N.M., with an e-ticket to a spaceship that never came (Episode 075, 41:24; Episode 052, 19:48; Episode 133, 11:37).
1:49 – Seth played high school tennis for a couple years and totally loved Andre Agassi. Jah played tennis in late middle school and wore all of Agassi’s clothing, shoes, etc.
3:58 – Jah loves Steffi Graf’s legs better than anyone else’s. This is why he loves “Riding on the Metro” by Berlin (Episode 112, 35:56) so much.
5:28 – So many people have the flu in Jah’s life that it’s crazy. He says the only solution to avoid it is to smoke cigarettes and drink water.
7:07 – Jah had to ask a sandwich artist at Subway the other night on his way to the Phish concert in Oakland. She had just made a BBQ chicken sub and he asked her to change them so he could have his veggie sub, and she was annoyed.
8:00 – Seth declares that Phish is still the greatest band in the world. He says the Phish show was epic and he hadn’t felt that way at a show since he was a kid.
15:26 – Seth and Jah think back on what they packed in their suitcases to New York. Seth didn’t pack anything valuable but Jah packed some hard drives, which could be worth something.
16:19 – Jah’s mom flew to England two years ago and was overweight (not her, her baggage), and she opened it to unload it, took out some things including a laptop, then put it back in the suitcase. The security guy said “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” but she insisted and it in fact did get stolen.
17:55 – Jah says that LAX is so unacceptably behind the times run-down, rag-tag and shitty that he has never in his life traveled to another airport that is so disproportionately low-end and wack. This is why Seth flies out of Burbank. When he got on that plane to fly to NYC, he got to walk the tarmac and be out in the mix. He felt awesome.
25:31 – Seth got a voicemail from a girl who lives in Oregon. She was talking about the fact that New Jersey and Oregon are the only two states that ban self-service gas stations. (Seth looked it up and the law supposedly protects consumers/drivers from deadly accidents. He thinks it’s because in the 1930s it was a relatively dangerous thing.) The caller said she was getting gas super late at night, and the guy who came out to pump the gas was really creepy.
44:13 – Jah declares that condoms are the worst. Seth’s mother was quite alarmed at UYD’s discussion of condoms and wanted to make sure that Jah was protecting himself despite refusing to wear them.
11:30 – Seth got a voicemail from a listener who said he was just listening to Episode 191 and Jah’s crazy lucid, intense vivid dreams (47:37 and 1:02:32), as well as the “Blueberry Children” (32:59). He said there have actually been neurological studies, and there is a direct correlation between ingesting a high amount of B vitamins and having very intense, vivid, lucid dreams. “Or,” the listener said, “maybe Jonathan’s right and somebody just planted an intergalactic phone in your head.”
19:15 – Seth remembers going to the HORDE show at Old Orchard Beach. He saw his mother at her cottage in Scarborough before he went to the show and they had just taken mushrooms. Seth and his mother’s song is John Lennon’s “Imagine,” and Seth’s parents were there as well, and Blues Traveler played “Imagine” and Seth starts crying during his mushroom trip.
22:40 – Seth asks Jah if he still carries a knife with him. Jah says it’s funny he asked because he was talking to someone about this last night. He doesn’t carry it anymore, although he did carry a buck knife for a very long time. He also carried a box cutter for a long time.
49:42 – Jah was talking with Seth earlier tonight about how there’s a flaw in the system that he wholeheartedly agrees with, hiring mentally handicapped people for jobs they are capable of fulfilling in the workplace. In order for that type of a system to work properly, there have to be people hired within those companies that have experience dealing with that and who can act as a buffer for the common person coming in and aren’t well-versed at dealing with it. Jah has been seeing a major breakdown in the flow of communication at retail stores because there is no point person to help them with this issue.
57:33 – Seth booked his first commercial on a pager. He can bring you to the payphone he did it at if it’s still there. It was a good day that day, but he got cut out of it, along with Alicia Silverstone’s husband, Christopher Jarecki. He ran into Jarecki last year, and Seth told him about the YouTube channel with the commercial he was in with Jarecki – the Playstation Cool Boarders 2. Seth could just imagine Chris and Alicia coming home and busting out laughing at the commercial on her laptop.
2:39 – Jonathan speaks of his experience with the USPS, although Seth uses the agency much more than Jah does. UYD has been using USPS Priority Mail, and Jah has had very few problems with the USPS after using them. But since the system is hemorrhaging so much, Jah is wondering if there’s ever been anything like this in history that had to be completely restructured for it to succeed – he does believe it’s possible to fix it, but Seth does not.
30:27 – Jah believes he wrote a letter to Santa after the year 1954. He doesn’t believe he received any sort of reply. Seth thinks this is because right after Jah’s mom pretended to put the mail in the mailbox, she pulled it back out. Jah believed in Santa Claus for quite some time, until Richard Moll crushed his dreams at age 10. Jah’s parents flipped the script on him because he had gotten kind of hip to it, but they elaborated on the spirit of Santa, which lived on in Jah until forever.
34:45 – Seth’s game used to be on point, as evidenced from his bitchin’ summer road trip (Episode 192, 15:58), when he had his whole life ahead of him. Then he got a phone call from his friend Tim Douglas in Boston, who was going to send a picture to Jonathan from the second HORDE show, during which Seth was wearing boxer shorts, no shirt and khakis. Seth put a huge cockblock on it before Tim could post it on Facebook without Seth’s consent. He’s going to review the hard copy first, then allow Jah to see it. Tim reminds Seth that Seth snuck into that show, scaling a wall without tickets.
55:05 – Seth had a Secret Santa gag with one of his co-workers, during which they gave the same gift card to each other for their birthdays, holidays, etc., and he told her to go to Whole Foods and just use it. She picked up a six-pack and something else with the $25 card and they told her she didn’t have enough. She paid for it with her own money, then Seth called the 1-800 number and it was only worth $11 because after six months it loses $2.25 each month from June on.
57:48 – Jah hasn’t gotten his flu shot and will not, and Seth isn’t doing it because Jah hasn’t. He’s just following his lead. Seth has been taking kombucha because he thinks it’s good for him, but Jah is now hearing that it’s bad for you because the amount of work the body has to do to break down the fermented fungus outweighs the good that it does for you. Jah’s problem is that he has a massive iron deficiency because he doesn’t eat meat.
1:00:41 – Jah can’t lie – he’s still on the fish (Episode 171, 43:07). It works for him sometimes.
6:59 – Seth is all for ball tapping because he became best friends with Brian Peters as a result of Todd Trefree walking up to him in middle school and said, “Hey, this is for Brian Peters,” and punched him in the nuts and dropped him down. Seth and Brian got into a fight and Seth won, and they became friends as a result. Seth recalled that he was walking upstairs and Brian was walking down and they were eyeing each other like it was on. Seth claims there were only two hits – him hitting Brian and Brian hitting the ground. They got in trouble and had to go to the principals’ office and later became friends. Seth said that Trefree lives in Bakersfield now. He also spoke with Peters tonight before the show.
24:41 – The first time Jah saw the Pam Anderson – Tommy Lee sex tape, it was on ¾ inch dubs and hadn’t come out big time yet. They were in a recording studio and they moved it in on a cart. Him and Wag watched it together. Seth watched it with his roommates at 632 N. Beechwood from Johnny Knoxville and Spike. It got passed around the city of LA so quickly. After Jah saw it, he remembers thinking he couldn’t believe it happened. Seth found it to be so uplifting because it was a couple expressing their love together. He loves the part with her jumping in the water and swimming and him saying “I love you so much.” Jah thinks they sound like assholes talking about this because it makes them sound so old. He finds it comforting that the first sex tape that ever came out was of two people genuinely in love, whereas it’s been shittier versions of it ever since with people like Ray-J.
31:22 – Seth says it was really hard to explain how crazy it was during those months leading up to the actual verdict of the O.J. Simpson trial. Seth was delivering food at that time and it was all anybody thought about or talked about. Jah recalls that the apartment it happened in is 180 feet from the house he first ever ate acid in. Right around the corner, the restaurant she worked at, which is now a Peet’s Coffee, Jah used to eat there all the time.
33:30 – Seth remembers that he had to deal with people all day and give them food and not get tipped and had to talk about the O.J. trial. A confidant of his, said that the cast of Beverly Hills: 90210 watched the Simpson verdict from the lawn of the Walsh’s house on a TV.
37:18 – Seth went to St. Patrick’s Cathedral the day he left New York to get his mother a mass schedule. He put his bag down and went to get some communal stuff, and when he unzipped the bag it exposed his underwear and socks. He felt embarrassed with his dirty undies being in the presence of the Lord.
54:42 – Jah continued his streak of being an asshole at the bank today (Episode 046, 37:28). He was at his Wells Fargo and doing something that he learned from a banker. He split a check regarding accounts with holds on them – he deposited it into the non-held account, then took half out as cash and deposited it immediately in cash in the held account. He moved a year and a half ago and has established this as “his branch” and does this all the time. He gets up to the teller, and it’s his third time dealing with this particular woman in her 40s. In the bank there are 2 customer service supervisors, 3 tellers – one of whom is doing nothing and the other who is talking to a Mexican guy in Spanish, while the other supervisor is chuckling along and the other teller is turned in laughing and Jah’s teller is laughing as well as she flags him over. Jah doesn’t have his wallet with him, just his check and his information he needs for his bank. He tells her this prior to him explaining what he’s about to do, because he already knows she has no recollection of him. She says it’s no problem and starts filling it out. Ten minutes goes by and she has to call the customer service guy over, and Jah has to re-explain what he’s doing. It takes 5 minutes for her to figure out which accounts he’s talking about on the computer. He tells her she’s filling out the wrong thing because she writes both of them for the same amount of money, which is more money than Jah’s giving her that she’s trying to deposit. She ignores him and he persists, while she starts crossing things out. She is a new teller and has been there a few months. It’s such a basic task that Jah gets irate, and the supervisor hears Jah raising his voice. He walks over and Jah tells him she’s putting it in for a different amount. She gives him a look, and out of Jah’s mouth comes this: “YOU SHOULD BE BETTER AT YOUR JOB. YOU SHOULD DO YOUR JOB BETTER.” The supervisor says he’ll take care of it and pushes her out of the way. The last time he did this with her, Jah had to initial the deposit slip five times for stuff she had crossed out and re-done rather than scrapping the piece of paper. Jah explains that they must have hired this lady because she has gigantic tits and a short body so every guy that walks over can stare down at her gigantic twins. When the customer service rep comes over, he runs it through and asks Jah for his ID. Jah says he doesn’t have it, then the guy says they’re going to have to deposit it as a check and they’re going to have to put a hold on it. The guy wouldn’t do it, and Jah says he needed to get the check back from him before he seriously lost his cool. Jah doesn’t know if he can go back into this bank. Jah observes that every person in there is at least 10 years younger than everyone working there a year ago. It’s all 20-year-olds and the amount of slapping going on between the African American boy and girl who work there is ridiculous. Jah admits that his flipping out is completely out of line.
1:05:28 – Jah heard about a guy hanging out with his 14-year-old sister, who was logging onto Myspace. He asked her why she was doing it, and she said she had to because everyone’s parents were on Facebook now and she can’t be private there.
41:45 – Amir was in a music video for a song that’s featured on the Twilight: New Moon soundtrack.
43:38 – One summer, Seth stole beer from the Sunny Corner convenience store up the street from his house in Haverhill. He wasn’t thinking but got fingered by the manager one day.
54:28 – Jah is trying to figure out which airport he was in that had a floor-to-ceiling display covered by plexiglass filled with exotic skins and reptiles and illegal stuff they’ve confiscated.
55:54 – Seth received some literature from Family Radio, which told him that judgment day was May 21, 2011.
10:02 – The UYD voicemail box filled up with messages from listeners talking about the Indian boy on the Tootsie Pop wrappers (Episode 195, 13:47). One of the voicemails to Seth said, “I guess you’re the herda-hatta-herda!”
13:59 – As a child, Jonathan used to watch the soap opera As The World Turns. He did a lot of staying home, plus his grandmother and housekeeper would watch them so he got into them. Plus there were always hot girls on the shows, so he was always beating off to them.
15:21 – Seth and Jonathan watched the Hollywood Christmas Parade (Episode 045, 54:07; Episode 057, 8:06) together, and there were times they’d see somebody who appeared to be an actor. They did see Dog The Bounty Hunter looking super fresh, wearing multiple dreamcatchers and a heavy duty Carhartt jacket.
33:28 – Seth talks about his NexCare Duct-Tape Band-Aids that you can’t really get anywhere. The bandage has medication and padding on it, but instead of a shitty adhesive it’s duct tape. He saw a dude wearing one, and it was perfectly shaped. The guy that Seth asked about them had ordered them off eBay from Germany and gave Seth a couple, so he’s saving them for his best cuts.
58:08 – Jah didn’t pay his cell phone bill again so he’s still in that place where he can only receive texts.
15:09 – Jah asks Seth if he ever rubbed one out in class, and Seth said he could barely do it in his own home.
18:16 – Jah went to a magazine stand the other day and was going through mags he used to religiously buy. They don’t exist in his life any more because he gets all the information in other places, because the mags cost like $10.
30:54 – Jah wants to know what the “birds and bees” conversation consists of. He doesn’t know if the conversation he had would constitute as a “birds and bees” conversation, but he distinctly remembers a drive-time conversation with his father about the use of prophylactics. At that point Jah had sexual education for two years in his private school. Seth had a health class at school where they might have glazed over the sex talk.
32:58 – Seth was in Larchmont shortly after seeing the statistic that 30 percent of teens 13-19 have sexted, and saw three girls standing at a parking meter in front of Jamba Juice giggling. He thinks in his head that one of those girls has sent a topless photo of herself to a boy at a local Los Angeles high school. He then sees one of their moms loading them into her minivan and wants to pull her aside and ask if she knows what’s going on with her daughter.
33:50 – There’s a certain type of individual that causes Jah to step dead in his tracks during a day when he sees him – a young father. They’re pseudo-alternadads who are completely clueless as to how to make the transition from college life to fatherhood. They’re wearing sleeve tattoos, slogan t-shirts and cargo shorts/True Religion jeans. Jah wants everyone to cut the shit because there’s a right way of doing things.
37:33 – Jah watched the entire episode of The Sing Off on mute on a 50-inch TV while sitting in a Thai restaurant and reading the subtitles. Jah was so blown away by Nick Lachey’s rigout that he tweeted “It looks like Nick Lachey stole his suit from Fred Savage.” Jah wanted to light the Mormon bitches on fire.
48:38 – Seth can’t text, he only has a landline, but what he gets all the time are the text-to-landline texts from Amir, which uses a computer voice to taunt him about Tony Romo and the Cowboys, and it drives him crazy because he can’t do it back to him. Amir is a Steelers fan and Seth had a big thing planned because Steelers coach Mike Tomlin said he was going to “unleash hell” in December and they’ve done nothing but lose more games.
50:15 – Seth can’t remember the last time he was in a house of worship. He remembered parking his Sundance in front of the church his mother went to and he slept while she worshipped. Seth finally remembers the last time – he was in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City in October. Seth also went to church at Christ the King on Rosmore with his mother last Christmas when she came to visit. Seth was standing outside when the priest came out and he was so young that Seth thought he was an altar boy. He got up on the microphone and Seth thought he was getting crazy on the mic. He was saying the illest shit and Seth kept squeezing his mother’s hand as he spoke about the manger being “filled with excrement.”
1:02:10 – Seth’s friend Tim saw Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez out once, and Seth was in Larchmont and wondered if he could make it out there in time.
2:13 – Jah misses Lucky Charms, he doesn’t eat them anymore since they have marshmallows and he doesn’t eat gelatin. He passes them by in the cereal aisle and craves them. He also misses being able to eat Frosted Mini Wheats.
8:59 – Seth went on a whale watch in the eighth grade and barfed his brains out.
9:04 – Jah and his mom took a ferry from LA to Catalina once and they barfed their brains out off the side. Jah was on the second deck and had been walking around for an hour trying to do it. He barfed strawberry lemonade onto a window on the first deck, where a bunch of families were sitting. When he walked downstairs to get water, he saw a huge stream of red vomit across four windows. It was so bad, that for the ride back they rented a helicopter in lieu of renting a ferry for the ride back. Seth wants to get a heli tour of LA, and Jah assures him they’re awesome but they can definitely crash.
32:20 – Seth went into EZ Lube one time and they tried to grift him by going through a battery of tests for what he needs done. Seth went to Los Feliz Auto Parts this week and had his Sundance checked out. His guy came out and said he would check the battery for him, and it was totally cool. Then he goes to EZ Lube, and the mechanic tells him his battery needs replacing. Seth couldn’t believe it. At the end of it he was shaking and handed over his Bank of America VersaTel. Jah thinks it’s come full circle because those employees are being threatened with losing their jobs if they don’t tack on all these extra costs. Jah says the most offensive place they do it is at the bank, where they constantly try to get you to open other accounts, which adds on a bunch of other $10 fees.
40:27 – During the last run of door-to-door magazine salesmen that Jah had in the valley (Episode 095, 58:24), the last couple had a deteriorated look about them. He remembered seeing the vans that pulled up to the tops of the streets and the people jumped out and fanned throughout the neighborhood. They were all battered wives and other sob stories.
12:22 – Seth spent New Year’s the same way he always does: he ran a bath, he lit some motives and he curled up with the Bible. Simple.
12:44 – Jah was in Denver, Colo., for New Year’s Eve doing a Jogger show. He said it was cold, but not as cold as Chicago was on Dec. 30.
32:57 – Seth has seen firsthand that it’s hard to quit smoking from a girl he works with. He twisted it on her on Monday morning at 11:00 a.m. He grabbed Misty cigarettes out of her hand, put them in her face and said, “Is this what the fuck your life has come to?” She started breaking down and talking about her friend’s aunt who died. Seth said, “You’re done,” then gave her one to go out and smoke. She went eight days without smoking. Seth kept the pack of cigarettes and was going to present it to her in a box wrapped up to say “We’ve done it!” He gets a phone call on that eighth day and can sense something in her voice. He doesn’t see her until the 14th day, presents the box and she puts her head down. He was disappointed because he thought he would do it.
34:25 – Jah agrees that quitting smoking is difficult, but also says that people who know it’s bad and do it anyway and are not aware of the contradiction are inexcusable. Jah says he smoked for a long time and it was a foregone conclusion that it wasn’t going to happen forever anyway. He’s now 32 and he’s been smoking two years longer than he never intended to, and he now realizes he’s dirty and supports a lot of dirty companies through his actions.
39:01 – When Seth sees Cinnamon Twists on the dessert menu of Taco Bell, he will ineveitably give in to them. He had to go to McDonald’s when his mother was in town to get her a grilled chicken Caesar salad, and the last time he had been there was when they had Cinnamon Melts (Episode 047, 0:13) and he lost himself there for a month with Naval vets. It was so hard for him to sit there for 12 seconds at the drive-thru seeing the way they drizzle the icing on the Cinnamon Melts.
42:24 – Seth got mail delivered that was addressed to “Uhh Yeah Dude,” and he shows the USPS employee his driver’s license, and they won’t give him the package because it doesn’t say “Uhh Yeah Dude” on his license. Jah thinks he will be disappointed if someone doesn’t change his/her name to “Uhh Yeah Dude” in 2010.
48:56 – Something happened while Jah and Amir were traveling back to LA from Denver. He left on Jan. 30, flew to Chicago and there was a bomb scare at LAX while they were there. They were trapped in their terminal, blockaded in a hallway by TSA members with every gate closed and every store’s doors down. They watched officials interrogate an Indian man with two boys in matching polo shirts crying. In Chicago, they got there really early and were waiting. He hears a loud voice going “motherfucker!,” looks over and sees a 5-foot tall, 40-something-year-old reddish-brown haired little piss-and-vinegar broad with the biggest duffel bag over her back. Her husband is standing there with a deer hunting baseball hat and a NASCAR zip-up jacket reading a magazine. Jah realizes there’s been some sort of travel cock-up. The husband is calmly telling her to settle down. Jah sees her wearing a white cable-knit sweater, and she has hiked it up around her neck like a giant shawl, and all she has on is a flesh-colored burkini-cut grandma bra while huffing and puffing. The husband walks over and asks what she’s doing, and she replies, “I’M HOT!” About 30 to 45 minutes over, Jah sees them sitting at a Mexican grill eating and drinking, so he assumes everything is fine again with them. Amir and Jah get on the plane and Jah is sitting bulkhead, and the redneck woman walks down the aisle and a square foil tablet falls out of her bag. He reaches down to pick it up and hand it back to her, and all of a sudden he sees a face and two hands in front of him, and she picks them up and looks at him and says, “I’ve got the drugs, MOTHAFUCKA!” while laughing hysterically and annihilated drunk. They sit directly behind Jah on the flight from Chicago to Denver, and makes a comment like, “Oh sorry, they’re only Tylenol PMs! Shit!” Jah hears her husband calmly saying to her, “Baby, they will kick you off this plane so fast…” and she’s still being belligerent. All of a sudden, one of the official managerial flight attendants walks down and asks her to come with them, deplanes both of them and takes their baggage off. She was standing up for 10 minutes trying to get out of the situation, but to no avail.
1:03:37 – Jah went into an Apple Store and saw girls hacking into other girls’ Facebook accounts
6:00 – Friend of the show, Rabbi Abe, sent Jah something about the Jewish kink that’s occurring in porn where there’s a new subgenre of Yiddish sluts.
14:09 – Seth asks Jah to do the voice of the hen-pecked husband he saw at the airport (Episode 199, 48:56), who he was told by UYD listeners sounded like a mixture of Dr. Phil and King of the Hill.
52:21 – Jah outs Amir for wearing the 2Exist brand underwear. Seth is flabbergasted.
2:50 – Seth saw a doctor this week, and he was giving him a lot of compliments. The Caucasian male doctor in his early 40s told Seth, “I love those frames,” and “Great t-shirt.” Seth doesn’t know if he was flirting with him, he was just giving him a lot of compliments and he feels that people should do that more often. However, this doctor was pressing the flesh gloveless while getting down to brass tacks, nuts and bolts.
7:02 – Jah was in fourth grade the first time he ever was in real snow.
23:23 – Jah says the worst thing ever is having to shit in a Starbucks. It happens to him frequently because he’s out in the world and doesn’t stay within shitting distance of his house. Seth, however, is within 4.2 miles of his home at all times. Jah despises sitting in the corner of a cavernous bathroom to shit. Seth is paranoid about this because he thinks creepy fucks have set up cameras in every private place with the hopes of seeing a boob.
55:56 – Jah came across some disturbing porn video months ago. It was amateur porn, but wasn’t even porn. It was a couple on their couch where he was watching TV and she was blowing him. Jah felt like he was in their living room and it was just absolutely too much for him. Jah thinks this kind of stuff is killing the porn industry. Jah goes as far as to say that he can tell his dick stinks by the way she’s sucking it.
1:00:00 – Jah hates Muscle Milk, which Seth fed him the other night. He said it’s like drinking cow jizz. The memory of drinking it came through him the other night and he got chills.
1:09:08 – Jah and Seth say their Jackée episode will be off the hizz. Jah re-mentions that he saw her walking near Abbot Kinney on a Sunday afternoon (Episode 181, 5:10)
4:21 – Jah declares that Seth has terrible internet at his apartment. It’s the narrowest broadband he’s ever worked with.
24:16 – Jonathan was represented by the Chubb Group at one point.
35:04 – Jonathan remembers beating off to the “Like A Virgin” music video
48:51 – Some bitch barista tried to sell Jah a brownie today with his coffee.
51:17 – A UYD listener left a voice message for Seth, talking about Jah’s reference to a porn site – E-Porner – it was the only one he could access that wasn’t blocked in China.
54:07 – Jah wants to bring up something he’s been slightly conflicted about. It’s been 10 years since he bought a leather item – a belt or shoes or backpack or luggage – for himself. He has on occasion bought leather gifts for other people, Seth included. His girlfriend is buying him a pair of Redwing leather boots online so he can wear something on tour to keep his feet warm. He knows there are alternatives that are not leather and he continues to explore those options. There’s a part of him that feels that he needs and deserves these boots, but he’s not excited about breaking his 10 years of cruelty-free living. Seth says the only way to pay his penance is to put on a pair of sturdy, heavy-duty work gloves and pick up 100 pieces of trash in Santa Monica.
1:04:06 – Jah has been going to bed early all this past week. It was the first time he had done it in so long. He has been sleeping 9 hours, and he can’t believe how refreshed he feels.
5:00 – Having spent some time in recovery-based groups, Jah knows a lot of people who were into drug recovery who moved into sex recovery later on. It always seemed fucked up to Jah that they would all come into the same room to talk about sex addiction. He thinks there’s something very much there, he just doesn’t know if they’re going up about it the proper way.
12:24 – Jah was having a conversation the other day with his female friend who is from Canada and grew up in an ethnically mixed school and neighborhood. Wherever they were sitting, they had just seen some melting pot type of activity going on at a bar. She said, “You know what’s at the base of all of these prejudices and racial problems? It’s not communication. It’s hate. Each one hates the other one. Chinese hate the Japs, Japs hate the Chinese, etc.” Jah thinks the deep seed of hate comes from an unwillingness for humans to accept their nature.
23:43 – Jah was mad excited about going to Universal Studios when he was a kid. He used to get hyped for it. When he was living up in the hills, you could drive through a neighborhood and get to a vantage point where you could see the whole backlot, and listen to the announcer on the megaphone.
26:21 – Seth talks about walking out of the theater during King Kong, while Jah remembers going outside to smoke and coming back to cry and get angry at the movie at the end (Episode 118, 17:04).
47:00 – Seth saw a Live Links commercial where the girl looked at Seth and whispered, “I want to hear your voice.”
56:44 – Jah walked by an LA Times dispenser the other day, and someone had written across it in some sort of intense markering that said SWINE FLU IS A HOAX.
2:12 – Jah is technically still a married man, and he still files taxes jointly with his wife. He doubts that issues should arise, but it’s a nightmare nonetheless. Seth wonders if his daughter in Arizona should be claimed as a dependent.
9:31 – Jah usually steals bathrobes from hotels. It’s the only thing he’s taken from a hotel that he didn’t think he was supposed to take. But his understanding was that every hotel automatically charges you for taking the robe if you take it, while stealing towels was poor form.
21:18 – Jah remembers losing so much money gambling in a short period of time in his life that warranted him quarantining himself in a room and making a phone call to a beloved person to tell them the state he was in. They had to tell him to undress and go take a shower.
1:04:45 – Jah remembers how easy it was to sleep when he was a teenager. He used to sleep in until 3 or 4 in the afternoon on weekends. When puberty hit he would just wake up and eat horrific amounts of food and sleep some more. His knees always hurt and his braces had to be tightened.
21:58 – Jah uses the coin deposit machines at grocery stores and collects like $200 each time. Jah says this is because he doesn’t spend change.
54:53 – Seth was reading his newspaper in the sauna, and for the most part the only thing he has to contend with is cocks being everywhere. He doesn’t understand the comfort level that some men reach in his sauna. Seth wears boxer briefs as he sits in there with newspaper under his feet so he doesn’t so his feet don’t have to touch the grimy floor. A guy walks in there today with a trash bag under his fleece and begins shedding his many layers. Some men pour liquid on the rocks to shoot some steam off and heat it up even though there are signs that say not to do it, but this dude takes off the bottom layer of his six-layer ensemble – a Hanes gray tank top that is soaked to the bone, walks over and rings it out over the sauna. As it’s happening, Seth is imagining it’s the worst idea ever. Within 11 seconds, his soul is hit with the deepest, sharpest most pungent odor ever. He can’t collect his shit fast enough to get out of there.
3:43 – Seth reminds his mom about when he talked about her not letting him have cereal unless sugar was after the first three ingredients listed (Episode 135, 38:31).
3:58 – Seth broke his wrist once and Marcia didn’t believe him, and she grabbed him by the wrist and he screamed. Marcia claimed she took him to the doctor right away and they told her it was broken. For days followinig this when he was in a cast on his third birthday, Marcia, kept apologizing to little Seth.
5:27 – Seth asks Marcia if she texted when she was in high school. She said the courting process was love letters when she graduated high school in 1965.
7:08 – Seth wants to know how Marcia and other females took care of menstrual cycles when they were in high school. She won’t get into it. Her parents did not tell her about the birds and the bees when she was in high school. She found it out from her high school girlfriends.
8:49 – Seth wants to know if he ever had an Italian horn as a kid. Marcia said he wanted one and he got it when they came to visit California when he was a high school sophomore. Seth thinks he was sporting it at the TCBY in Hollywood (Episode 039, 33:17 and Episode 056, 14:47). Seth also wanted a Lamborghini and they visited a dealership. They went to Solvang – a shitty Danish community with 12 people – and Seth wanted to be up in the ‘Wood.
9:32 – Seth recalls wanting to get an earring because Peter Martelluci got one but his dad wouldn’t let him (Episode 106, 5:49 and 33:58). Marcia wants to know if he ever asked her.
10:23 – Seth was a wonderful baby. He was so amazing and so quiet. Marcia says that he was so amazing that when they started to do transcendental meditation (TM) when Seth was 2 years old, he would wake up and Marcia would tell him she would be there in a little bit, and he would just play in his crib like a good boy. He would fall asleep in the car the minute he got in there.
11:14 – Marcia smoked a joint and almost burned the house down when Seth was still in the crib. They were in a back room watching a Boston Bruins game smoking pot and someone was leaving to go home, and there was a little fire in the kitchen started from the hot wax from a candle dripping onto a plastic floral arrangement sitting in the china dish and it caught on fire. It melted into the kitchen table. They grabbed a towel from the bathroom and smothered it out. That was the last time Marcia smoked pot.
13:29 – Marcia works with 3- and 4-year-olds and they have a peanut-free classroom because one of the kids in the morning class has an allergy to peanuts.
14:19 – Seth wonders how he got so crazy being a germophobe. Marcia doesn’t know for sure.
15:26 – Seth went through the drive-thru at McDonald’s today to get Marcia a Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad. Seth used to order Egg McMuffins and take the egg out because he didn’t like it. Marcia sent Seth the picture of him with his Happy Meal collection – which got ruined in the cellar when the basement got flooded. He used to only eat Happy Meals, because he couldn’t stand Marcia cooking liver and onions on a Friday night.
17:17 – Marcia just went through a whole nightmare call center debacle with Comcast. She was trying to set up the new deal they’re getting so they can charge her money but by making her think everything’s going to be really cool and simple. They would say, “You’re all set now, I’m reading your signal. Wait about 15 minutes and when you turn the TV back on again, everything’s going to be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you? Thank you, goodbye.” Seth is trying to convince Marcia that she needs some type of DVR because they have 6 TVs in the house. She still uses a VCR and has an answering machine with a tape in it that cuts Seth off every time he calls. And when his rage explodes on her, Marcia tells Seth he’s the only person who leaves messages that get cut off. Marcia hypothesizes that once it gets to Call #4 it will get cut off, but Seth calls every day.
44:49 – Seth used to go to New Hampshire when he got booze for the first time. He didn’t get caught there, but he got caught at Sunny Corner stealing beer because it was a friend of the Romatellis that saw him. They were eating subs at Mediterranean in Haverhill on Winter Street when Brian’s father came and said “the police called the house because someone saw you stealing beer out of the Corner.” Seth’s dad was battling pneumonia in the middle of the summer and Marcia gave Seth a guilt trip for causing this extra strain on the family.
46:14 – Marcia remembers riding through the Ward Hill Industrial Park and sees one of those big signs with Seth’s name written in big bold spray can letters.
47:55 – Seth recalls that when they started the first episode 4 years ago in February 2006, the first episode went up and Seth was explaining to his mom how to listen. Marcia and Jonathan’s mother, Elizabeth, were the only two people listening to the show within hours of when it went up. They’re coming full circle.
15:15 – Seth wonders if Jah has had any Girl Scout Cookies yet. Jah said he had some on the road. He loves the Peanut Butter Patties and the Samoas with the hole in the middle of them. Seth likes the Lemon Chalet Crème because it’s a cinnamon cookie with lemon crème filling.
17:02 – Jah bought Girl Scout Cookies three different times on the tour. One time it was two parents in a Colorado deli he was in with their kid, and she came in with the cart. He bolted over there and bought two boxes. There was a kiosk set up on a corner with 30 parents there. There was also an outdoor festival in Palm Springs and the spread those Girl Scouts had was three tables long with hundreds of boxes of cookies.
20:06 – Jah wonders if Seth is going to ask him how many McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish he ate on tour. Seth thinks he ate 18 of them. Jah actually ate only 3. He also ate some Veggie Subs from Subway and hit up Taco Bell about three times. He took a bite of a chicken sandwich and spit it out because he’s testing those waters and he’s not afraid to taste it and see if it repulses him the way it used to. The chicken sandwich repulsed him. The last night on tour in Athens, Ga., he took a bite of a bacon cheeseburger and it went down easy. Jah can not remember the last time he ate something like that.
27:08 – Jah goes on record and says something about his recent travels. He hypothesizes that GPS devices suck at teaching people geography. When he was a kid and used to take road trips, there are massive Rand-McNally map books that give you a two-page picture of the state and you wrap your head around the visualization of it. The GPS – perspective, size, etc. – only gets you to Point B and you don’t see how it happened.
32:15 – Other than Avatar, Seth wonders the last time Jah went to the movies. Jah says it was Beowulf. He had such a bad run that he had to dip out for a while.
40:15 – Jah wonders if Seth has ever choked on a hot dog, even as a kid. Seth says never. The only time he’s ever choked on anything is when he was riding his bike as a kid, throwing pennies in the air and trying to catch them with his mouth. One of them got caught in his throat, and he scared himself and had to jump off his Haro (Episode 045, 47:55; Episode 054, 22:21). Jah says he choked a few times as a child. He had a peanut butter choke (Episode 107, 33:43).
2:31 – Jah’s grandma cooked some rich meals for him back in the day. She would also sneak back the airplane desserts for Jonathan to eat.
9:02 – Jah recalls trying one of Seth’s Shamrock Shakes at his apartment one time, but it had been sitting out a while and tasted like an old tube of toothpaste.
17:41 – Jah drove by the Hunt’s ketchup factory while he was out on the road.
18:09 – Jah used to say “tomato” like to-MAH-to when he was a kid and used to get ridiculed when he was a child. It was because of his mom being English and he got fucked with, so he stopped saying words certain ways.
28:19 – Jah knows we’re not doing that great as a country in our airports because he still accidentally makes it through security with a lighter every time he flies.
45:24 – Seth’s little brother, Max, had an event at his school related to the book Diary of a Wimpy Kid where they did the Diary of a Wimpy Kid Olympics and he had to drink tomato juice.
55:25 – Jonathan still loves his local post office, and says that every piece of merch he’s sent through there has been delivered. He wishes them nothing but the best and hopes they get out of their funk.
1:03:15 – Jah had a friend who was having an affair with a woman when Jah was younger. She was an older woman and the way she justified the fact she was having an affair with her husband is that she was only having anal sex.
9:49 – Maybe it’s a sign of getting old, but Jonathan feels like he less frequently falls prey to new items and needing to know what they taste like.
41:57 – Seth notices that he hasn’t been hearing random people walking around saying “Obama!” all positively (Episode 142, 25:55) or wearing Obama t-shirts as often.
43:24 – Seth had a Prius pull up next to him in Larchmont and he wanted to ask the woman driving it if she was terrified.
53:12 – Jah say Leo Kottke play live at the Troubador. Kottke said a funny thing that had Jah going: “If you have a song stuck in your head and sing it backwards, it gets out of your head.” Seth wonders if you could do this with “Gonna Make You Sweat” by C&C Music Factory.
16:03 – Jah can’t remember the last time he heard a busy signal. He listens to fax forms when he gets them because they’re so rare.
28:13 – Seth was at the LA Marathon on Hollywood and Vine. The top 15 spots were claimed by Kenyans or Ethiopians, and Seth says it’s because they actually know how to run. The white guys who run by him have unorthodox styles and run so weirdly that they have no chance. Seth estimates that the longest he’s ever run was when he was in soccer practice as a high school freshman.
37:50 – Jah says he’s gotten busy on a plane but he’s never banged in a plane bathroom or anything. He was traveling with his girlfriend and fingering her.
38:26 – Seth saw Hubble in 3D IMAX and had such a profound spiritual experience when he went into the deepest recesses of outer space.
39:58 – Jah sees the Verizon Fios vans rolling through his neighborhood about two blocks from his house, but when he calls them they tell him he isn’t eligible.
41:27 – Nothing was as scary for Seth as when he saw Passion of the Christ on opening day at the Arclight and a guy left a plastic bag under his seat before walking out of the theater and Seth thought he was going to die (Episode 018, 37:46).
48:16 – Jah had a jam band in high school with Tad Taylor – whom he saw on tour after a long time away from him. Seth then references his urban-funk-fusion jam band from college, Mosaic (Episode 105, 46:05).
17:00 – Seth once sat toe-to-toe, eye-to-eye with John Travolta, and Travolta undressed Seth with his eyes. There’s no getting around it. Seth got “Cruised” by John Travolta, which he says is a story for another time.
2:45 – Seth wants a sleep update, and Jah says he got a decent night’s sleep the night before last, a shitty night’s sleep last night, however he did take a nap today. It helped him, although he doesn’t like doing it because it’s very disorienting for him. Seth feels like he’s given up on the day if he takes a nap.
10:15 – Jah asks Seth if girls he’s been intimate with in the past have given him compliments on his tush. Seth admits he’s gotten more compliments from gay men.
19:35 – Jah admits that he cried in The Notebook. It’s one of those movies he looks back on and wonders how he got so duped by it. It was a date movie and he was down with Ryan Gosling being all low-pro.
21:23 – When Seth was having some internet issues he had to go to the John C. Fremont Public Library on Melrose Ave., and he found it pretty creeptastic to see some of the pervs browsing hardcore porn with the volume on full-blast in front of children. When Jah sees students sitting at the club chairs in Borders, he’s pretty sure they’re doing the same thing. He saw a dude with a demon’s foot sitting there once.
59:40 – Seth’s mother said he used to sleepwalk when he was a kid. He would walk all the way down the stairs, come sit on the couch, talk jibberish and then walk back up. Jah remembers waking up in random places and come to while he was already peeing. Seth got a voicemail from a dude whose kid sleepwalks, and sometimes the kid will be standing in the doorway of the parents and it scares the crap out of the dad.
10:03 – Jah asks Seth about something because he had a conversation with two ladies today about remembering a time in his life which these ladies did not have. He remembers the novelty factor of walking into a high-end electronics store, and watching yourself on a live feed from a surveillance camera and thinking it was awesome that you were on TV. Seth says he’s quite convinced that the world didn’t exist until 10 years ago.
21:34 – Everybody does goo-goo and ga-ga talk with babies. Seth sees it all the time on Larchmont and it drives him crazy.
24:31 – Jah had a carry-on bag on his last tour that was 11 pounds over the weight limit, and it cost him $110 on top of his initial $20 to check the bag.
32:12 – Jah reveals what works for him all the time he’s been using them, pretty consistently – regular land-line phones. Seth says that, “If you can see the sky, it should work.”
36:49 – Jah watches people sit at bars, 6 people at a table, and there are two girls having a pseudo-conversation, while one girl is holding her own camera taking a picture of herself drinking her drink coyly, while the other girl is also doing the same thing. He thought other people were supposed to take pictures of you.
45:00 – Jah spoke with a UYD fan in Baltimore when he was on tour who is studying sign language. They talked about trying to get two really good signers to sign an episode or a part of an episode, because there is a shorthand to it. Jah and Seth would love to play UYD for a deaf person. Seth says if he did it, he would hold up the “I Love You” sign the entire time.
48:00 – Seth hasn’t met a person in three years he hasn’t wanted to choke out, but everyone he sees in public inherently runs to dogs. Jah, as a dog owner, disagrees. He has a cute little 18-pound terrier dog, and he deals with people crossing the street steering their babies out of the way. He has to apologize sometimes and wonders why he’s having to do so.
59:08 – Seth wonders why he can drive by Pink’s at 9:30 at night and there’s 700 people in line to buy a hot dog.
5:38 – Jah is going to send his brother to BK to check out their new menu items in Boston. Jah also declares he will be in Boston in May.
6:36 – Jah declares that he kicked it old-school this week. He went to Burger King and got a French fry hamburger, where he ordered a Whopper with no meat and just stuck the fries in the middle for a potato sandwich burger. He says all the hippies he knew used to do it. He used to go to Carl’s Jr. and get a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger with no patty and no bacon, so he just had the BBQ sauce, the cheese and the onion ring, then he would order a large criss-cut fries and carbo load it.
14:38 – Seth went to the Annenberg Space for Photography, an exhibition with National Geographic about water. They had a 5-gallon drum of water, which weighs 42 pounds. Seth couldn’t lift it, then watched a video of an African woman with a rod along her back with a drum on each side, and she walks 5 hours to get the water and then 5 hours back. Seth felt guilty because the free coffee they gave him only gave him $3.50 worth and his drink came to $3.75.
22:07 – Seth did a market research on Sunday for the first time in 2 _ years (Episode 060, 54:26). He got called out of the blue, and he immediately told the girl he was up for it. He was watching the shittiest half-hour comedy pilot he could ever imagine. The people in the room were so low-rent. He kept praying that someone would shout out “Uhh Yeah Dude!” and he wouldn’t get his $70. The host came out and was all chipper. They put out crappy Hydrox cookies, and people flooded the table to eat them. It’s about 26 degrees in the room, and Seth asked the girl next to him why it was so cold. Another guy offers his opinion, “They keep it cold so you won’t fall asleep!” He hears a 60-year-old white dude turn to a 14-year-old black girl and says “Did you have those cookies? Those cookies were delicious!” The people being polled are holding a device in their hand which they can spin the dial two clicks to the left or right for negative or positive. Every time they test it out, there’s one guy who somehow can’t comprehend turning the dial. One guy almost broke the dial because he was trying to turn it the wrong way. There are other people in the room who think their opinions matter and that people are dying to hear what they have to say. Seth reveals the secret he takes advantage of every time. There’s a little red button on the device, and Seth waited 10 seconds after the show started, hit the button and he was allowed to leave and collect his $70 check.
29:15 – Jah had to go to Best Buy tonight to buy a cable he had forgotten to buy. He wasn’t that angry at the price and was quite happy with the guy who took care of him. He had some problems with his card, which got declined. The last thing they hit Jah with before he went into the registers was the candy aisle. He considers getting the Mambas, a sour candy, but bypasses them. As he’s looking at them, he sees a Nerd Rope, which is a rope of bubble gum covered in Nerds candy. He sees the dude behind him riffle around through the candy, and Jah looks back at him. He’s a big dude who is younger than Jah and probably 100 pounds overweight. His shirt is greasy in the front, and he’s holding DVDs in his hand. He grabs 4 Nerds Ropes and his fists are full at this point. Two of the DVDs are the Blu-Ray of Sherlock Holmes and another crazy version of Avatar. Jah looks at him and instantly knows he lives in a crappy apartment in Hollywood, but is spending $100 on movies that he possibly didn’t see in the theater. Jah doesn’t understand why one individual would cough up that much money for what he got.
40:35 – Seth talked to a guy who used to work at a sex shop. He said that guys would steal dildos by sticking them in their ass in the bathrooms and walking out the store with thiem.
50:13 – Jah called his dad after he got off a plane on his most recent trip. He said the plane he was on felt so old inside, all the plastic was yellowed. He was on the row just in front of the exit row, and his seat didn’t recline and his knees were hitting the seat in front of him. Half the carry-ons they didn’t allow on the plane. Jah’s dad explained that a plane can last forever, but J-dawg said they could at least update the insides. He prefers the Virgin Atlantic planes, which are more Euro-planes.
59:08 – Seth admits that the headache he got after seeing Avatar was such a deep, painful, intense headache. Jah got a similar headache going to see Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D.
1:04:32 – Jah thinks that the coolest things that happen to him now only happen when he’s alone.
1:05:50 – Jah interrupts Seth’s description of the website and the merchandise to talk a little bit about the legal troubles that he got into on tour and had to go back this past week to clear it up, which is why the last episode was doubled up. He didn’t feel at liberty talking about it prior to it getting sorted out, but now that it’s done with he explains that there was a big gap with pre-orders on merchandise from the web, and he apologizes about the delay in shipping merch to listeners. Jah then circles back, saying they talk about so much shit on this show, and it unifies the listeners in that they have a sense of the way things could be or ought to be or used to be and aren’t anymore. He said it’s also good to bear in mind to remember the world we’re currently living in, and if we choose to break the rules of the society we’re living in, we have to weigh up how valuable the things we’re doing are versus the consequences. It’s an adolescent lesson to learn, and it’s one he had to learn at that time, but clearly it beared repeating. He said we could still be open-minded and open-thinking people and still adhere to the way things are. Otherwise it might end up like Insane Clown Posse in this world.
2:26 – Jah asks Seth if he has seemed “dark” to him lately. Seth thinks Jah might be cloaking it in front of him so he doesn’t know. Jah hates that he might be coming off as dark, but if he has he wants listeners to let him know.
6:15 – Jah remembers when boxed wine started really showing up at parties. He recalls a lot of weddings having them. Seth had them in droves in his childhood kitchen.
11:25 – Jah reveals that he spent some time recently in a city called San Francisco. He’s been going up to that city periodically throughout his life. He describes it as a triple-decker of a city. The dudes ghost-riding the whip were right next to four dudes shooting up in a doorway right next to the two richest .com guys eating at a restaurant, etc. He also remembered thinking that the place rattles like crazy. Earthquakes are no joke there.
40:20 – Jah recalls that he had teachers that were in their late 20s when he was in high school. He was having sex with women that were the same age as the teachers he was in high school with. But he thinks now that the sexual activity of people has increased so much – people fuck quicker and sooner and more often. Seth just wants to know how much quicker their ejaculate shoots out.
48:44 – Jah reveals that he had an episode happen recently, but he then loses his train of thought.
55:29 – Jah was walking through a mall the other day and walked somewhere else and there were still a billion kiosks around, and he kept thinking they were endangered. He thinks the amount of money it takes to print magazines is going to be impossible to make for big companies in the future.
56:01 – Seth was driving on Vine and was at a red light and saw a store called Video Box. The logo was a cassette tape.
56:53 – Jah walked into a restaurant yesterday. There was a table of seven people with an iPad sitting at the center of the table. Every single person at the table was holding an iPhone. They’re all playing Scrabble on their iPhones, and when they spell the letter out it shows up on the iPad wirelessly via wi-fi.
4:48 – Seth heard a radio ad this week for the Ashley Madison Agency (Episode 102, 53:13) and thought he heard Morgan Freeman’s voice. He sat there for a second outside of the Bank of America at Larchmont trying to pinpoint it, and he realizes it’s probably not Freeman but sounds just like him. He thought you couldn’t trick the public into believing that person was selling the product. Jah remembers when they used a voice similar to Tom Waits’ for a McRib commercial and he won a lawsuit.
24:42 – Jonathan ass-dialed Seth on Sunday about 2 p.m. He was talking a lot. He was talking to some kid about Fender Guitars at one point. The kid is currently in school. Jah was hungry. Seth picked up the phone and was like, “What’s up? What up?” and didn’t hear anything. Seth was being quiet and waited about seven minutes to see if he could hear anything good. He didn’t.
37:42 – Seth likes to improv. He was trained in Chicago, where the competitive improv scene originates. Jah went to The Second City in L.A. and finished the entire first course, then chose not to return.
57:47 – Jah tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour last night, but his crazy brain and crazy diet and having coffee at 7:00 p.m. made him so jacked in bed. He stared at the ceiling knowing he had to get to sleep, and he had to get up 3 times in 3 hours – at no point actually falling asleep during this time. He was driving the following morning and realized he shouldn’t be operating the vehicle. He drove to the wrong place.
1:02:10 – Seth tried watching an episode of House that featured a dude with brain seizures and he had to dip out. He just wants everyone to sleep and be healthy.
1:02:56 – There’s a dude dying downstairs in the apartment below Jah. He’s 90-something years old and has been screaming incessantly for stretches of time. It’s a distraught type of screaming where he has no idea where he is. He had a nurse that quit and has another with him. He still has to travel from time to time. The man is going to die in that apartment, and coupled with Jah’s inability to sleep, it’s the worst panic attack ever hearing the dude screaming in the dark.
2:24 – Jah needs to apologize, because from the moment Seth told him to see Hubble in 3D (Episode 209, 46:33), everything Jah did before that was basically a false reality he was living. He needs to thank Seth for allowing him the opportunity to set that straight. Jah loved it.
11:48 – Jah remembers trying to rent some sort of risqué movie at Blockbuster when he was a kid and getting called out for it.
14:34 – Seth quit Rocket Video on 9/11 because he had things to deal with in his country. He thought the place was going to fold in four months but they’re still open somehow. This was shortly after he met Jonathan while working there (Episode 010, 39:38). Seth admits he still goes to the Blockbuster on Larchmont all the time because he loves to walk the aisles.
20:07 – Seth saw Scott Wieland at a Whole Foods in Sherman Oaks once, just stood next to him and nodded. He was getting some kefir for his awesome body.
21:22 – Jah knew some people in his life who got into Starbucks stock when it was starting off. Seth reveals that Jah had some stocks with Macintosh back in the day, but sold them before they got really hot.
28:41 – Seth talked about the market research he went to where he watched the worst sitcom he had ever seen (Episode 215, 22:07), then discovered this week that Keep Hope Alive had been picked up by Fox. It’s from Greg Garcia, who brought us My Name Is Earl.
39:27 – Jah wonders if Seth ever did anything crazy because a girl was getting him to do it. Jah doesn’t think he ever did it either. He never stole a car.
1:36 – Jah asks Seth if he ever wore a watch. Seth thinks maybe he wore one in eighth grade when he wore cologne, and he had a wallet and read GQ magazine. Jah had a lot of Swatches and Tag Heuers when he was growing up. He sported Drakkar Noir as well.
11:03 – Dimitri got visited by a sex worker this week. Jah says D was not polite to the worker, who arrived late on a Sunday when he was still sleeping. His front door is jammed so he can’t open it and it’s locked close. He had a screaming argument with the census worker and didn’t understand what he was saying. He said he banged on the door like he was police. The guy asked when he came back, and D said “any weekday after 7 p.m.” Tonight, while coming home, it was 8 p.m. and Jah could see 4 of the workers out doing their jobs.
22:27 – Jah went to the IMAX to see Hubble again and was just in disbelief at all the fat kids he saw there.
23:51 – Jah talks about how there’s a topic in the forums about him allegedly cutting a fart in the middle of an episode (Episode 215, 1:03:33). Seth says it would never happen because he would put the microphone down and walk right out of the room, if not put the apartment up for lease.
25:59 – Summer is here, essentially. Seth has seen a lot of short shorts out there this week on girls. Jah explains that the short short has taken on a whole other level for men this year, where the dress short is allowed to be mid-thigh.
27:22 – Seth saw a young tan woman running with a bikini bottom on, and it was weird because it was out of context, being not at a pool. This was on 3rd Street.
32:33 – When Seth got his driver’s license when he was 16 ½, the instructor told him, “When you’re on the road, by the very nature of driving, you are inherently trusting every other single person on the road that they’re not going to just drive into you.” Seth thinks about that all the time when he’s out driving and it freaks him out.
35:11 – Jah wonders what type of death threat Seth thinks about more often than anything else throughout the day. Seth says he’s afraid of just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, like the poor broad at Target that got stabbed by another crazy bitch at the makeup counter.
36:20 – Jah was telling his girlfriend about something they talked about on the show a long time ago, about someone wielding a sword in a parking lot (Episode 014, 27:53; Episode 055, 15:23; Episode 143, 30:56) and she looked it up and found dozens of news stories about sword-wielding wackos. Seth: “People love to take swords out. People love to fuckin’ swordfight.” (Episode 119, 46:38)
48:24 – Jah heard a story from a UYD listener recently, who is a high net worth listener. When he was running late for a flight he used to just pull the car up and leave it at curbside check-in rather than park it. They would tow his car, and he would come back and get it out of tow and it was the same amount of money either way.
4:05 – Seth says LA doesn’t have Chick-fil-A, but he looked it up and saw there was one in Torrance or Redondo. Jah saw them everywhere when he was on tour and realized LA was just about the only place that didn’t have them.
25:38 – Before they did the show tonight, Jonathan looked at Seth with a shocked look on his face and said “Episode 220?!!!” For some reason it didn’t make sense to him when he read it.
42:35 – Jah remembers seeing a lot of men’s high-heeled shoes, or Cuban Heels in his childhood. He said it was different from a Beatle Boot.
51:29 – Jah reveals that he saw Orphan. Seth says it had the all-time greatest scene ever in a movie when the girl goes to jerk off Sarsgaard under the sheets. Seth then describes the scene in detail. Seth wishes that the trailer for the movie would’ve just been Timothy Olyphant telling him that the movie was awesome and he would’ve seen it.
57:56 – Seth has been getting voicemails in reference to UYD’s $25 reward that was given out to a random voicemail caller in honor of the show’s 25th episode (Episode 024, 39:12; Episode 025, 0:50). People are trying to get $25 off Seth and wondering if it’s still on, even though the original contest was won by New York City listener George. Jah had mailed George a check that bounced and it cost him money. George is the only person who’s ever paid for UYD. Seth predicts that by now, with interest, they owe George $130.
7:59 – Seth and a friend were driving up Fairfax the other day and looked up at the sign that showed Aziz Ansari hosting the American Movie Awards and said, “Well, there goes his career.” Every other person that’s hosted it has seen their career fade away quickly.
19:46 – Jah was talking to his mom, who was telling him about 3 husbands being interviewed on Sirius Playboy radio who have sex with their wives while being fucked in the ass by another man. His mom talked about hearing the guys saying they’re not gay at all, they just had the best orgasm ever, and she said she screamed at the top of her lungs, “That’s because you’re gay!”
29:38 – Jonathan could’ve sworn he saw Paul Wall in a Navigator this week. He rubbernecked and pulled up and it was some 22-year-old dude.
56:12 – Jah saw a guy who looked so much like Shaq on the boardwalk the other day. He had to get right up to him before he realized it wasn’t him. Jah was on his bike and was 100% positive it was him. Seth thinks he should’ve biked up to him and loudly said, “I GET THAT A LOT.”
5:10 – Jah bought so many records back at the turn of the century. He was at a record store almost every day. He would go to the Virgin Megastore and Penny Lane whenever he got the chance. He remembers the longboy packaging albums had that they made so you couldn’t stick them in your pocket and walk out of the store with them.
8:35 – A couple days ago Jah came home from rehearsing with Amir. They were scheduled to play on the radio the next day and he was very nervous about it. He came home kind of late, opened his door and his dog darted out and ran down the stairs. A strong smell hit him when he walked in the apartment. He starts walking around and it comes to him – it smells like burnt plastic. He looks up and sees a mass of boiled black plastic on his kitchen counter in a metal casing. It’s his toaster, which had set on fire, and the entire cupboard it was sitting underneath was completely consumed in black ash, which is also over every corner of his ceiling in the room. He realizes that right before he had left for rehearsal, he was starving and packing up all his gear. He put two slices of cinnamon raisin toast in the toaster, forgot they were there and walked out. The toaster is a novelty Japanese toaster he was given when he was with his wife. It had a contraption on it where two arms came up to launch the toast up, but they never went so the thing just stayed on and the whole outside of it ignited. It had burned through the bottom shelf of the cupboard and was just starting to boil the paint on it. He then realizes his dog was in the apartment the whole time with no windows open and the door shut. It was the most horrifying experience of his life to realize what had nearly happened. There’s now a permanent stench in his apartment.
3:31 – Seth and Jah have known each other for a very long time, however they are constantly learning new things that they have in common all the time. Today they discovered they have a common infatuation with the movie poster for Cobra starting Sylvester Stallone.
16:10 – The way that Jonathan found out about UYD’s PARADE plug is he received a text about it but he didn’t quite understand it. He walked into therapy with his psychiatrist, who he has been seeing for almost 5 years. This was the first clipping that he ever showed Jonathan and said, “Hey, I saw this…”
29:00 – Seth was at the Paley Center last week – formerly the Museum of Television and Radio. They basically have every television show that’s ever been on TV in the archives. Seth went to watch The Comedian with Mickey Rooney. They punch it up, bring you over to a little monitor and put headphones on you. Seth saw this week that the Paley Center had a television special on, which he thought might be for him. It was The 30 Biggest Surprises in TV History on CBS. The #2 biggest surprise in the history of television was at the end of Season 2 on NCIS when Agent Todd saved Gibb’s life by jumping in front of the bullet. You thought she was dead but was actually alive because she had a bullet-proof vest on, but then when she stood up she got hit by a sniper from across the street and actually died.
31:36 – Jonathan and Seth just spent 90 minutes watching the NewNowNext Awards on Logo, in which they were talking about 2010 as if it was a year-in-review.
52:32 – A caller left a voicemail this week mentioning an episode he was listening to where Jah was talking about his crew, the RFK (Randies From Kansas), and was wondering if he could elaborate on that. Jah explains that he had some good friends in high school who would probably still to this day consider themselves RFK. They were all jokey kids and Jah thinks everyone got the humor of it.
20:15 – Jah loves fireworks but he has a heartbreak relationship with them because he’s been a dog owner for many years, and they are terrified of fireworks because they think the world’s ending – probably because they’re here the last time the world ended. Jah says this is because they carry primitive knowledge.
22:50 – Jah says the craziest time he had with fireworks was when he was in Louisiana. They bought so many fireworks and lit the sky up. Jah’s dad’s cousin was a firefighter and everyone was shit drunk when Jah and his father launched fireworks out of huge tubes.
32:09 – It wasn’t until Ferrigno labeled Jonathan a “Junior Hulk” (Episode 151, 32:41) that he would be so bold as to refer to himself that way.
38:57 – Seth recalls An American Family on PBS in the 1970s being the first-ever reality show based on the Loud family. When he worked at Rocket Video he remembers the guy from the show, Lance Loud, coming into the video store. Loud was a gay magazine columnist and new wave rock-n-roll performer who died of AIDS in 2001.
44:37 – Jah wonders if he should go back to school like Rodney Dangerfield. Seth thinks it’s brilliant – Jah needs to enroll at UCLA. He says he feels wicked dumb lately and it’s bothering him in a way that’s never bothered him before. He dreaded it happening it in his 20s. He would love to get old enough to not care about his life enough to endure going to school.
49:27 – Jah said he had no sexually charged relationships with teachers much less nurses. He didn’t even have any cute nurses that he can remember. Seth thinks you could probably find a high school where there’s a 26-year-old nurse. Jah says that even if his teacher had tits and was remotely feminine, he couldn’t pay attention to anything in class from age 10 until he got out of high school.
52:34 – Jah prefaces this by saying it is going to sound terrible. He watched a high school couple touching each other, and the way they were doing it was so adult. The dude was so comfortable putting his thumb in her mouth at 16 years old. He was as tall as J-dawg and dressed better than he was, just laughing it up. Jah was engaged with girls he was with at that age but he was still awkward – he didn’t notice the awkwardness from this young man, however. Jah thinks there’s just as much good potential for the young generation as there is bad – Seth disagrees.
57:13 – Jah references Ed Debevic’s restaurants, where the staff and customers are mutually rude to one another. Jah had a friend who was a waiter there and he got fired for berating a kid too hard – he called him a “pissant.”
1:02:58 – Jah blames Blockbuster’s upcoming demise to their editing the jerk-off scene out of Bad Lieutenant. He rented a copy of it from the Blockbuster in Malibu when he was 14 years old specifically to see that. He was obsessed with Harvey Keitel when he was a teenager because he loved him so much in The Piano.
1:08:15 – Jah is getting a new kitchen and a new bathroom out of his fire situation (Episode 222, 8:35).
6:00 – Ever since Jah was in grade school all he ever heard about was how Arizona didn’t celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. and shot people at the border.
9:13 – Jonathan saw Tyson Chandler twice this week, and noted he was tall and dressed sharp. Seth recalls that he saw Tyson Chandler play a high school basketball game in Compton.
11:33 – Jah’s friends love their meat. Seth notes that “Killers need meat,” as his father told him. He wrote it to Seth in a letter when Seth moved out to Los Angeles 15 years ago, as a post script to questions about how he was doing and how his mood was.
15:47 – James Franco’s “performance art” reminded him of Takashi Murakami, a famous artist who did all the Kanye record covers. He had a show at the Museum of Contemporary Art last year or the year before which Seth went to, which was interesting. They had a Louis Vuitton store in the gallery which you could go into. There were women in there buying $2,000 Mark Jacobs and Murakami bags in the museum. Mark Jacobs said, “The purchasing of the products is an art form because what’s being sold is an art form, and then I guess watching that transaction would qualify as some kind of performance art.” So when Seth was there watching super-rich women buy these purses, he was partaking in his own form of performance art. He is a performance artist.
20:17 – Jah has always felt that Abercrombie and Fitch ads feel a little gay to him. He assumes that more dudes buy Abercrombie than girls. The last time he was in the store he got double dudes spraying him with perfume. Jah recalls walking in and them saying “Have a good time in there.” (Episode 114, 48:35) The next time he walked to the front of one of the stores, the two dudes were there but were replaced by hotter, abbed-out shirtless guys. He looked at them at the time but they were having some weird eye contact with each other that denoted to Jah that they had come up with this idea on their own.
27:40 – Seth had a short spell where he was in a public library where people around him were browsing porn, and even the people who weren’t looking at pornography were a certain breed of people – headphones on with the music too loud (Episode 213, 21:23). Jah suggests that libraries just provide a jerkoff station for homeless people.
35:38 – Jah asks Seth if he’s been to a Big K lately because they feel crazy to him, like Children of Men style with so much shit piled up in there. Seth feels that way in supermarkets, where there’s dozens of aisles he would never dare walk through. Jah has been going to the 99 cents store more lately because it’s cheap to buy allen wrenches and stuff, but every time he goes to check out he looks over and sees the sad state of the produce and food section and sees people shopping for food there. It doesn’t seem instinctually like a place where, if he was starving, he would go to get food.
46:55 – Jah watched a father and son, aka meth dad and son couple living in apartment together. The son was 26 and looked like Harry Dean Stanton and were talking such crazy shit and had such crazy shit in their shopping cart. Their mouths were so rocked-out and they were so high and talking so much and so crazy that they were changing the whole environment of an entire supermarket.
54:27 – Jah saw a girl in the shopping mall the other day who was walking with her mom and she had 2-inch plugs in her ears, she was super tiny and had enormous cans with a tiny top on. Jah was really taken by the fact that seeing a 22-year-old girl dressed this way when he was 18 would have made him godsmacked. Now he realizes he walks by girls dressed like this all the time, and they drink so much, they fuck so much, they do so many drugs.
4:33 – Jah huffed nitris in a house that Charles Manson used to live in when he was 16 years old and he split his head open after passing out and hitting his head on a boulder. The house was off of Sunset
6:07 – When Seth was at the Reggae Fest in Vermont, his friend Todd Trefree fell into a campfire after sitting around and huffing nitris. He was a big dude and took a full header into it. Jah admits that nitris is super dangerous and all it does is cut oxygen off to the brain and kill brain cells. He then says it’s like “gassy watermelon.”
8:50 – Seth calls out Jah for ordering a pay-per-view UFC fight. Jah admits he watched Brock Lesnar get his face mashed up by Shane Carwin before eventually winning. And Jah watched Fedor lose his fight the week before. And Jah watches UFC now because his life is “a fuckin’ joke.” He has no TV, no internet and somehow has still seen every major lineup in the last six months.
9:17 – Jah drank a Four Loko this weekend – two maybe (Episode 225, 4:20). In the last three nights he told Seth he drank 5 beers to fall asleep.
9:59 – Jah’s typical experience in a rental car business is that nothing gets done. Their offices are set up for 60 people and there are 2 ½ people working there. One of them is full ensconced in a major debacle somewhere. So there’s only one person available to you and the half-person is worthless.
11:17 – Seth is scared because he’s going to be driving a rental car this weekend. The Plymouth Sundance he owns was rigorously inspected by several different top-notch internationally-renowned technicians before he purchased it to allow for optimum safety. Now he is throwing caution to the wind and getting into a car that he does not know the specs on. Jah says the mistake in putting your life in the hands of the person who is behind that counter. Seth explains the reason he’s renting the car is because he and Jonathan are going up north this weekend for a wedding of their friends Leah and Eric. They will be involved intimately in that ceremony. Seth said they’re going up to the Emerald Triangle “to see where it all starts.”
39:05 – Seth saw a hipster walking around with Real-D glasses where he took the lenses out and was walking with just the frames. Jah thinks even a hipster would be offended by that being associated with a hipster. Jah says this is something you do when you first start smoking weed in eighth grade. Seth says it might be acceptable if you were a kid on a field trip to see Hubble and you’re the only smartest kid to slip the glasses into your pocket. This was a 30-year-old Japanese dude. Jah then gives him a pass because Asians can kick crazy flavor for some reason and then get away with murder. But Seth says this guy’s full rigout was not doing it – flip flops with the tightest denim cut-off shorts. Jah can only imagine how short the short shorts are in New York City right now when it’s 108 degrees.
44:31 – Jah admits he saw Up though and it made him cry. He would take a kid to see that movie. Seth thinks Jah is referring to the Up Series documentaries that follow lives of 14 British children since they were 7 years old in 1964.
55:04 – Jah remembers the ordinance passing through Mayor Tom Bradley disallowing Krishnas from panhandling at LAX. They used to come out so deep and showed up in movies about LAX. Seth doesn’t know anyone who has become a Hare Krishna, but Jah remembers his mom used to take him to the Krishna Temple when he was a kid to eat because the food was mad good.
1:49 – Seth tried very hard to get Jackée Harry on the show. He reached out to the Metropolitan Talent Agency and spoke to a nice assistant of the agent that represents Jackée. She’s very busy right now, a star of the stage and screen, but Seth says that she could still be in the future of the lives of UYD. He has a feeling this isn’t over yet.
5:08 – The reason that Jah knows about enlarged clitorises from steroid-enhanced females is because he knows about “Penis at 12” syndrome (Episode 068, 10:31). He explains that this is because females at puberty overdevelop their male hormones and their clitorises begin to swell and grow larger and become small penises. The same kind of thing occurs when bodybuilders are on steroids, killing estrogen production and upping testosterone production.
24:19 – Sports memorabilia gives Jonathan a panic attack. He has a signed Mickey Mantle baseball, bought by his father outside of Fenway Park after coming out of a game there during the filming of Second Sight with Bronson Pinchot. Jah says you can’t walk into a memorabilia shop without wanting to shit yourself.
25:30 – Jah thought about something that he hadn’t thought about in a very long time. He remembers his dad doing a few scenes from a shooting script based on a live-action version of Gary Larson’s The Far Side in the late 1980s. They erected a fake foam set and the idea was for it to be a vignetted version of The Far Side. He remembers his dad in a giant foam safari hat and safari clothes with a bazooka gun. He also remembers a kitchen set up with a kitchen made out of foam.
34:34 – Seth asks if Jah remembers when girls wore chokers. Jah responds with, “Do you remember when mes wores chokers?” He had a hemp choker with fimo beads (Episode 060, 25:24) in 11th or 12th grade that he used to rock. He also had several Ethiopian orthodox crosses that he would wear in his rasta days (Episode 014, 39:56). Jah then asks Seth about rocking bolo ties, which he says he never did even though he likes to rock a western theme from time to time.
35:56 – Jah reveals that Charlotte, N.C., is a particularly special town for him because he was arrested there (Episode 215, 1:05:50).
47:10 – Seth got a voicemail from a listener in Chicago who said everyone in the office got a company-wide e-mail from the Chicago Police Department and Chicago Fire Department. They wanted everyone to know that Transformers 3 was going to be filming in town but they wanted them to know there would be street closures. They also informed them that you would not be able to see any of the actual Transformers during production because they are digital creations.
1:00:27 – Jah explains that the deal with his $5 bill that he thought was counterfeit: the paper felt funny, the red and blue linty yarn in the stock seemed few and far between and looked as if it had been printed on there rather than woven into the surface.
1:01:07 – Jah said there was a great story about counterfeiting coins that the guy who wrote A Christmas Story told. Jah’s friend John played the story of him making fake nickels as a kid, when he and his friends ruled the universe with them.
2:03 – Don’t mind Seth, he’s just wearing a laminate. He took a Universal Studios tour of King Kong 3D. He was there an hour before the park opened and there were already 500 people there from foreign countries. He had a Coke can to save $15 but was still flabbergasted. King Kong 3D is totally crazy because it’s 3D and it’s 360 and it’s totally crazy, but it’s only three minutes long. Seth said at one point they were showing an old and rickety bridge which is really brand new, and then they show a clip from Quantum Leap from 1985. They show a log cabin which is really a façade of a log cabin, and they show a clip from The Great Outdoors with Rick Moranis and John Candy standing in front of this cabin. Then they show the Psycho house with an actor portraying Norman Bates walking toward the tram with a knife. There were so many people there at 9 a.m. that they had to let a few hundred people in because the clusterfuck at the ticket booth was so out of control. Seth says he doesn’t know how much he spent there – it might have been $400. He was inside the park walking ahead and they had to whistle him back to let him know the park wasn’t open yet. He had a full panic attack from the Aussies who were next to him. He was overwhelmed by 100 kids wearing orange Glendale summer camp t-shirts. He observes that kids point at stuff, scream and run at it. There was a 73-foot Whoopi Goldberg there too. Everything got Seth soaking wet, like pterodactyls hissing in his face. Seth finished his 45-minute tour, walked right by couples asking him to take their picture, took a piss, walked right back down and jumped on it again.
13:26 – Jah gets grifted at gas stations (Episode 051, 20:09), but Seth gets grifted at Universal Studios
25:02 – Jah says this weekend they were talking about indians. His friend Eric was talking about getting in trouble for talking to a Native American and saying “Native American” and the guy corrected him and said, “Native.”
38:33 – Jah went to a weird collection of comedic poetry reading in the back of an actress’ house in the valley a few years ago (maybe 2006, Jah guesses) with crew that featured Kevin Nealon. There were a lot of people there. Paul F. Tompkins was there, who Jah likes. Amber Tamblyn was there doing slam poetry. Nealon got up there and just did his shitty bits that he’s been doing forever. Jah felt it was inappropriate despite how wildly inappropriate and shitty the evening was. At the time Jah was miffed because he thought he had mad funny Jah!nathans Poetry, and he remembers not having the balls to do it – even though he was invited and was welcome to do it if he wanted. Jah says that Amber Tamblyn was by far the worst of all the presenters, and the fact that she was completely earnest made it all the more painful.
43:15 – Seth talks about a celebrity who came mad correct when he was at the San Francisco Airport on Sunday night. He was so hungry and didn’t know where to eat in the airport. He found a Mexican place and decided to try it. He was standing in line checking out the menu and he felt something. If a celebrity is around him, his heart, soul and spirit are drawn to them. He looks over his left-hand shoulder and sees Marilu Henner. He knows she is a crazy health fitness vegan buff. He walks over to her and asks, “Miss Henner, what do you eat in this airport?” She lights up because she sees someone in distress. She says, “The San Francisco Soup Company – they have a vegan split pea soup that is so delicious there. Not salty, like the Whole Foods, you know what I mean?” Seth knows exactly what she means and says, “I was gonna get rice and beans here.” Her husband Michael lights up, and says he was going to do that too. Seth walks over and has the awesome bowl of soup, walks onto the plane and sees Marilu and Michael sitting in first class. He lets her know he dabbles in the comedy/mystic arts and lets her know he will thank her appropriately. Seth plugs her one-woman show at the Hotel Nikko in San Francisco. She’ll be performing the weekend of Jonathan’s birthday. Her latest book is “Wear Your Life Well: Use What You Have to Get What You Want.” Seth then reveals that she and her husband went to college 35 years ago and he used to bone down on Marilu’s best friend/roommate. In life some things come full circle.
47:23 – There was a UYD voicemail this week from a guy who works at a nonprofit law firm in Brooklyn and said a woman named her kid “Psychological Warfare.” Jah thinks that’s a completely dope name.
48:42 – Jah references the fact that they talked about counterfeit bills last week (Episode 227, 58:51). This week he got hit up by a text on his cell phone by somebody who said they had been sentenced to time in prison for making personal bills. The punishment for counterfeiting is the same for a $1 bill and a $100 bill so long as they do not exceed 5,000 bills. The guy was just making personal cash and got busted for that. Jah discovered that the markers work on all bills, but if you rub wax paper on the bills the markers don’t work. $5 bills can be washed and reprinted for whatever reason. Jah wrote “Fuck Off” in the text message back to the person who told him about this, and he thinks the sender accidentally thought Jah was saying “Fuck off, crook” instead of “Fuck off, that’s crazy!”
51:37 – Jah reveals that he was in a movie of the week called One Special Victory, which was loosely based on the person who started the first Special Olympics. Jah thinks that because of this he’s allowed to use the word “retard” on the podcast. Seth asks what the set was like on the film, Jah asks him to be more specific because he was in several scenes. He reveals that Joe Pantoliano was in the film, playing a “re.” (The conversation then transitions to Joe Regalbuto, who was Amir’s childhood AYSO coach.) Jah’s father played the guy who started the Special Olympics. Jah was surprised that people didn’t know about this movie of the week. It wasn’t his screen debut, however – SNL was (Episode 067, 19:53). Jah believes he was wearing a polo rugby shirt in that scene. He wasn’t wearing makeup and had two extras as parents. He remembers them talking to him because his dad was hosting. It was the worst small talk. He got a check for about $589 for his appearance.
57:20 – Jah wonders if the crazy celebrity relationship pairings were as lame back when he was growing up as they are now.
1:00:36 – Seth references seeing Kari Wuhrer in the Starbucks (Episode 165, 34:35).
2:25 – J-dawg asks if Seth thinks it’s funny that most people that listen to this show don’t know that he is beardless. He has had a beard for eight years and just shaved it. When Seth saw Jah for the first time without his beard, it was so disorienting that his heart rate went up, as well as his blood pressure and body temperature. Within a moment Seth knew it was Jah because he looked him dead in the eye, but if he couldn’t look him dead in the eye, he might have not recognized him.
6:14 – When Paula Abdul and Emilio Estevez were together, Jah remembers meeting them at a sushi restaurant in Malibu. He was probably about 10 years old and was with his folks. Emilio and John said hello and J-dawg was smitten. She was little and cute and J-dawg remembers the two of them being dead in love at that point. Seth thinks they could still come full circle and get together again.
13:18 – When Seth was at Haverhill High School in Haverhill, Mass., the class of 1991, he started his first class at 7:22 a.m. Jah thinks it should just be 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. That way you have two hours to get to school by 9 a.m. and if you go to bed at 1 a.m. you’ve got plenty of sleep ahead of you. Seth thinks we should abolish school and knowledge will just come from word of mouth. Seth says half the stuff he hears during the course of the day is absolutely wrong – he could look it up and print it out but he just knows it from his knowledge. His mother had some sort of saying that went “Believe none of what you hear and half of what you read.” Seth says “Believe none of what you hear and don’t read.” Seth knows that Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin, and that’s all he needed to know throughout his schooling.
26:06 – Seth went to find Pepsi Max at his supermarket and it wasn’t there. He left and came back the next night and still couldn’t find it. He screamed at a customer service representative, who then called over a kid who found it for him. They still have it but they mixed their logo up, preventing Seth from having it for a night.
34:51 – Jah went to a rave last weekend in San Bernadino with 30,000 other people. His good friends Daedelus and Nosaj Thing played. He walked out on to the floor when Daedelus was playing, and as he walked out everyone was eating ridiculous amounts of ecstacy and he started slipping on the thousands of water bottles that were on the floor three deep. He found it ironic that everyone was shirtless and sweaty and loving each other and dancing and drinking water – yet not conscious of the ridiculous amount of waste they were creating.
37:49 – Seth got a voicemail from a guy who lives in New Mexico, who was trying to establish an intimate relationship with a Native American. He said the reason we don’t know anything about Native American cultures is they’re super top-secret about things.
40:48 – When Seth went to King Kong 3D (Episode 228, 2:03), they fingerprinted Seth. He had to slide his finger into the crazy machine. Seth didn’t know what happened; they might’ve even taken a blood test.
50:31 – Jah says he’s never had the guts to go see Ground Zero, even when he was in New York City. He never actually got through the area. Seth said it was crazy, because it’s a humongous deep hole in the ground. It was October of 2009 and that shit happened in September of 2001. He wanted to scream out to these dudes, “What are you doing??!” Jah asks what happened to those crazy beams of light that were shooting up from the site because he thought they were fresh.
1:03:29 – Seth goes to Starbucks at the exact same time every single day and orders a small black coffee. There’s the same four girls who work there, and he thinks at this point he’s earned the fact that he can place two $1 bills on the counter, they will see him and make his drink and slide him over two quarters. He went in there today and it was the same four girls he sees every day. He didn’t say anything and put the two $1 bills down. The girl sees him and makes him a large coffee, which comes to $2.10 and she waits for him to hand her a dime.
1:04:20 – Jah talks about his Starbucks. He walks up every day with his dog. He ties him up, they see him tying him up, and by the time he gets in there the drink is already waiting for him on the bar to pick up. It’s heaven for Jah. One of his baristas today said, “It’s my last week.”
1:04:59 – When Jah and Seth went up to Mendocino, Seth missed the Los Angeles Times on Saturday and Sunday so he had three different people pick it up for him. He didn’t even ask any of them and went to read it at the library on Monday, after calling and putting his name in the day before he left for the trip. It was so easy to get them, and he took a mini pencil and a piece of scrap paper, asked for the Times, handed her the slip, and she walked him over to make copies. That was heaven for him.
1:11:11 – Jah references the rave again. He says it was a crazy rave. He went to a lot of raves when he was a teenager. There were some scantily clad people there. What happens now he would constitute as “an underage drug sex party.” He says the regular garb was underwear, bras, furry boots and nothing else. It was Victoria’s Secret underwear where you could kind of see their little furry bushes.
3:30 – After much speculation and a lot of research, it has come to light that Jonathan’s great-great grandmother on his father’s side was half-black. Jah’s mother has been doing some geneaological research on this. The only thing they need to know is that Jah’s part black. Apparently in the same generation of that family, another relative was full-blooded Mexican (basically full-blooded Native American). Her son had to go to court because she was registered as a teenager as mulatto and then as a 50-year-old woman as white with white children and a white husband, but her son—in order to marry the woman he wanted to marry—had to go to court to prove he was white because it would’ve been illegal to marry the woman if he were black. Seth and Jah pound it.
8:24 – Seth refers back to Jah’s black news, and says he’s never been more happy than right now.
8:42 – Seth grew up in the northeast in Massachusetts, but when he drove cross-country to move out to his spiritual birthplace of Hollywood, he got in touch with the Chatahoochie (Episode 033, 29:01).
19:35 – Jah went and looked at a house quite some time ago off Hollywood above the Chinese Theater near a tiny park. There was a little yellow house to the side of it and they were looking into renting it, and the real estate agent told Jah that a woman was stabbed to death in the home. Immediately Jah wanted to know where it happened because he had gotten weird vibes walking through there. When he showed him, Jah said “I knew it!” As they walked out of the house, the creepy neighbor guy from across the state waddles over and asked “Are you guys thinking about getting this place? Did he tell you…?” Jah confirmed, and the guy said, “Just so you know, I do a lot of work, so if you need to clear the place out, I was around when it happened and I would be happy…” Jah says that if they weren’t turned off enough by the murder, this creepo guy put the icing on the cake. Jah’s friend bought a house and then found out that a person had hung himself in the shower.
26:28 – When Seth went to see a Pictures of the Year show at the Annenberg Photography Space, he saw a photograph from NASA that made the Hubble look like a black and white 3-channel TV.
27:22 – Seth saw Inception the first time when it was called Hubble. Jah says that Seth was the only person he knows that was down with Inception, whereas most people he knows were wildly upset about it.
39:28 – Jah remembers his mom looking at his brother one day when he was 2 years old and she noticed a black mark on Ben’s finger, and she assumed it was leukemia. It was just magic marker.
52:17 – Jah had a friend who was being stalked when he was in high school. She was being stalked by a guy she had met at his place of work and never went out with him or anything. It was old-timey, pre-internet, and he would just follow her car and show up in a parking structure she was in or something.
57:47 – Seth says “Poor Tony” in reference to his show getting canceled after two episodes. Jah says he’s the richest guy in the world. Jah went to a wedding at the house next door to his in San Diego and he responded with “Oh My God! This house is crazy!”
1:00:55 – Jah was at a gas station, and a brand-new black Ferrari pulls up next to him with black California license plates. He waited for the dude to come out and he was from the Ferrari shop. He told him the black plate was no joke and the guy responded that it was a custom order. Jah told him a story that his understanding was guys used to go to pick-your-part and places where they have junk cars, yank the black plates off of them, then register a new car, get a customized license plate with the old black plate number and then put the black plates on because when they pulled it up it would still pull up the same car with replaced black plates. Seth explains that if you have a vintage car in Los Angeles, the stock license plates on them are stock black with yellow letters. The old 1977 Chevy Cheyenne that Seth had had the old L.A. Law sunset license plates on it, until some hooligan in his neighborhood snapped off the plates to scrape the sticker off and pay their registration (Episode 061, 54:51).
1:03:37 – Seth had to put a padlock over his hood because 3 times in a row the battery was stolen from his truck when he was living in one of the worst neighborhoods in Los Angeles – Rampart. He moved there in October of 1998 and the scandal broke in January of 1999. On the front page of the Los Angeles Times the broke a story about corruption in this CRASH Unit of the Rampart Police Station that was a gang unit that was made up of actual L.A. gang members. The TV show The Shield was based on this unit. In the movie The Car Wash that car wash was at 6th and Rampart in L.A.
1:11:49 – Seth got hundreds of people to call the show claiming they had top-secret clearance, per his request from last week
4:55 – Seth used to work with a guy at the video store who had never seen Titanic – Ryan Langerude (Episode 019, 55:25). It came out during a conversation with his mother that Jonathan has never seen Easy Rider. Jah says he tried to watch it on Laserdisc once when he was a kid and fell asleep. Seth has never seen The Net.
5:52 – The first movies Seth saw in Los Angeles—in Santa Monica, actually—was a double feature featuring Twins and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
7:00 – When Seth first came out to L.A. and had dreams, he went to a TCBY to get some fro-yo (Episode 039, 33:17), he saw the palm trees in Santa Monica as a sophomore in high school. He was wearing an OP rigout getting his picture taken by a lifeguard tower and he remembers thinking, “Santa Monica’s so pretty. I wonder if I’ll ever be back?”
11:20 – Seth sent a card to Ms. Lohan at the Lynnwood Jail on behalf of Uhh Yeah Dude. Seth says it was a beautiful card and he wonders if she ever saw it. He let her know they were thinking of her.
12:50 – Seth reminds us that the Pittsburgh Steelers were illegally given the game during Super Bowl XL (Episode 001, 7:35). He wrote a manifesto proving that it was a sham and thought he would have to wait 50 years until the official admitted Seth was correct on his death bed. The guy came out this week and said he has sleepless nights as a result of his blown calls in that game. Seth has sent a copy of the original manifesto with the updated paperwork to the Park Avenue offices of the NFL officials and he also put a UYD sticker in there to let them know it was from them.
22:47 – Jah asks Seth how old he was when he had pubes. Seth doesn’t remember. Seth just remembers being at the beach when he was a kid and asking his father when he would get hair on his armpits. His dad looked like he had a watch on and said, “1:30.” J-dawg remembers vividly the first time cum came out of his dick. Jah was bashing it on an ottoman and discharged all over it, which posed a problem. He was ecstatic, but he can’t remember how old he was – maybe 11 or 12. Jah never had a wet dream in his whole life
17:38 – Jah has been doing a couple of jaunts lately – a couple shows up north and down south – and reveals it is so hard to walk into a convenience store and buy something healthy or even fulfilling. He almost didn’t buy a banana that Amir asked him to get because the consistency of it was so disgusting. Jah reveals that the beef jerky kiosks are so gigantic. What Jah doesn’t mind eating are cream cheese jalapeño taquitos from 7-11. Seth wants to puke after hearing this.
27:20 – Jah circles back to the fact that he’s a full-bore meat eater (Episode 171, 43:07). He ate at an In-N-Out in San Diego yesterday and ate a hamburger. Jah is monitoring what is happening with his body and psychological state, and is convinced that the way we as a people consume food is absolutely crazy. There’s a frenzy to it, a mob mentality where people gather in large groups and shove it down their throats. Jah says there’s no doubt that he functions better now by putting protein from the meat in his body, but he’s still puzzled by eating.
31:07 – Jah has been in a few planes where there was severe turbulence or pocket drops, where you get the feeling of the weight regaining its equilibrium and the pure physics of it start to come apart at the seams.
39:43 – JB Smoove aka “Leon” from Curb Your Enthusiasm was outside of the place where Jah was eating the other day. He pulled up in a super-dope Dodge Charger. As Jah walked down the street and saw him, he thought to himself, “That motherfucker better have gotten a personalized license plate that said JACKLIT,” and it wasn’t there. Jah walked straight up to him and just bitched out. JB Smoove was with a few other people and Jah just couldn’t do it.
51:55 – Jah has been listening to music for a very long time. He listens very loud and has been to many live shows. He predicts that at this age he’s probably suffering from some high frequency hearing depletion, but he means that in the highest possible frequencies – 12,000 kHz and above. He thinks that there is a hearing fatigue if the volume of something is too loud and that reports of hearing loss are widely overblown.
3:36 – Seth asks if he ever ate Pop-Tarts. Marcia thinks he did, but not a whole lot. She was a working mom and it was easy. She laughs off Seth’s comment about being a latch-key kid.
5:04 – Marcia talks about how up in Maine up on the coast, when you’re on the beach, they have small planes dragging a banner sign advertising breakfast or pizza places.
6:47 – Seth asks Marcia how many texts she’s sending these days but she says she doesn’t text because Seth doesn’t have a cell phone. She doesn’t know how to do that.
7:39 – Marcia flew Continental Airlines to LA but she only remembered having to pay $25 to check her baggage. She got some cereal and a banana and coffee.
11:40 – Seth was making a left turn and a car screeched behind him and Marcia screamed so loudly in his face that he literally crossed over the lines with his eyes closed because he didn’t know what was happening. The screeching car was nine cars back.
24:44 – Seth wants to know how cute he was when he was a kid. Marcia groans but tells him he was cute as a kid. She adds that he is equally cute as an adult. Seth loves this because he never hears it from Jonathan.
26:13 – Marcia says they only put two things in a plastic bag at the grocery store so you end up with 50 plastic bags on a $100 grocery order. Also, if you bring the eco-friendly bags in and ask them to fill it up, they look at you disgustedly.
29:56 – Seth and his mom were talking about their hometown in Haverhill, Mass., and Marcia said, “Do you remember when they had a monkey outside that would serve people peanuts?” Seth refused to believe that he was so old that in his lifetime they still allowed monkeys to serve peanuts to children on the streets. He doesn’t remember it so he’s going to say that it did not happen in his lifetime.
33:01 – Marcia has been to Vatican City (Episode 056, 22:45). She said it was awesome. She saw the Pope but he was too far away to yell anything at him. He was up in his window waving. They show him on a million screens. It was on a Sunday and no one knew he was going to be around all day. The window at which he appears has a shade covering it. It goes up and a rug comes out of the window, and the whole crowd cheers because they know he’s going to appear. His voice is translated into six or seven different languages. Every time the specific language is spoken, they all cheer, then the next crowd cheers. She says it was a beautiful day and it was in March around the Feast of the Assumption, March 15.
42:58 – Seth wonders what he did as a kid. Marcia says he did whatever he wanted. As an adult Seth did whatever he wanted to. Marcia says he was well-rounded – he did whatever sport he wanted, and pick and chose what he wanted and through process of elimination he decided what his level was of how good he could do it. When Seth started to play ice hockey, he didn’t start as young as some of the kids on the team, so it was hard for him to learn how to skate. Then he did it and ended up being a goalie, and he was great at it. He won a game for the team and they gave Seth the puck. His parents got him special goalie skates which are different from normal ice hockey skates. He had an enormous duffel bag because he had way more equipment than everyone else. He did it for a year and was great at it but then he decided not to do it again. Then he started playing soccer and he did it really well. Marcia knew he’d be good at it because he was fast and little, but he dislocated his shoulder in high school as a freshman. If they wouldn’t have gotten him to the hospital as quickly as they did, the doctors said he would’ve had nerve damage in his hand. The game was away and they kept Seth on the bus for 45 minutes bouncing on the 495 highway. Marcia thought Seth had a boob because his shoulder was way down on his chest. Seth bounced back from that and then he started drinking with all the seniors. The seniors came to his house because they thought Seth was super cool for breaking his bone, and as a freshman he started drinking with them. Brian Chase wore Guess overalls and let one of the straps hang off, and Seth wanted to be like that. Marcia then reveals that Seth played tennis and he was a Wildman, but he played great doubles tennis – which was great therapy for his shoulder. Seth recalls that he went crazy and threw his racket, and his coaches made him get off the bus and go apologize to the team. At the banquet, the coach described Seth as “being from another planet” because he was so crazy. Marcia knew how John McEnroe’s mom must’ve felt.
49:05 – The advice was to see the world through the eyes of a child, but Marcia told Seth when she arrived at his apartment that you should do what Auntie Carol said and take two minutes to just breathe.
50:34 – Seth and his mom were walking through the Farmer’s Market and saw a couple parents who didn’t know what the hell they were doing. The kid had a spoon in his mouth, it fell on the ground, picked it up and put it right back in his mouth. Marcia explains that the father was eating and not paying attention, while the mother was talking on her cell phone.
7:46 – Seth hasn’t even seen the movie Piranha: 3D, but from what he’s told they eat a dick and spit it out at you in 3-D, plus two lesbians make out topless underwater.
8:22 – Amir’s dad got a 3-D television, and it comes with two pairs of glasses. Amir says it’s not that dope, it’s a little janky to watch, plus you’re having to wear T-Pain sunglasses with it.
14:35 – Jah has been through Seth’s current state of cleanliness with drugs and alcohol, and he says there’s a lot of freedom with deciding to end celibacy from anything. Seth claims he’s been living a nightmare because it’s been a lifetime since he drank or did drugs. He says his dreams are not night terrors, but are wildly unpleasant dreams that he wishes he wouldn’t have seen or experienced. He just wakes up and realizes it’s been 8 1/2 years of sheer hell.
1:01:27 – A UYD listener texted Jah the following joke: What’s the last thing you want to hear when you’re blowing Willie Nelson? “I’m really not Willie Nelson.”
9:48 – While he was in traffic, Seth got up close and personal with one of the movie posters for The Town on the side of a bus and it scared the shit out of him. Jah is more scared of Affleck’s super-thick accent that he uses in the movie.
22:55 – Seth was in his Pavilions supermarket the other day and he saw some weird DVDs featuring an Asian woman in her 60s in a silky flowered one-piece pantsuit outfit looking at him. Seth found out she is the Supreme Master Ching Hai. She is the self-titled founder and spiritual teacher of the Quan-Yin Method of Meditation with the Inner Light and Sound. She lives in Taiwan and has 20,000 followers. She has a corporate entity that includes fashion, jewelry, books, CDs, DVDs and vegetarian restaurants. Her website is called godsdirectcontact.org. It’s a nonprofit because they do philanthropic work throughout the world. It features a video of celebrities with a backdrop at some event, saying the phrase “Be Veg. Go Green. Save the Planet.” The celebs included Morgan Freeman, Gavin Newsome, Richard Branson, Paula Abdul, James Cameron, Lou Ferrigno, Matthew Perry. The organization has restaurants called The Loving Hut. One just opened in Dayton, Ohio at The Dayton Mall. Jah thinks the Supreme Master might be his soul mate, and he might be forced to open a restaurant of his own called “Jah Jah Binks.”
27:38 – Jah saw the Dalai Lama teach for three days in LA. He admits that it changed his life, but probably not for the better.
40:49 – Jah worked in a music store for about four years. It was vintage used gear and the store was great. He would come across people and dealers who had completely amazing stories. Then he would come across people whose stories were way too good to be true.
1:06:20 – Seth got a voicemail from a dude who went to the Pop-Tarts store (Episode 233, 2:37). It was strict chaos.
3:06 – Jah and Seth talk about seeing people getting massages in public areas, which is too much for them (Episode 062, 14:10). Seth also gets panic attacks from seeing people getting chiropractic work done in malls.
12:39 – Amir showed Jah a video that’s currently on YouTube of him in high school with his friends, who were all in a popular band called Plow Posture. There is footage of them driving down Sunset Boulevard. Amir is in the front seat holding a portable television and they are watching the O.J. chase and saying they’re going to go see him. They go to the overpass where O.J. pulls off and gets off the freeway and makes a left-hand turn. It’s just him and nine cop cars following him.
14:08 – Jonathan admits that he lied to a Census Bureau worker. What was even worse was that she informed him that none of what she was doing was for official data because Jah had already filled out the form and mailed it in. He says it was something about his personal life. It was about the property he was at and he told the truth about that, then got weirded out about his own information
20:26 – Jah’s mom and him got into a weird altercation on a freeway off-ramp when J-dawg was 14 years old. The guy got really really mad at his mom and flipped out. As they got off the freeway, they came to a stop and he got out of his car and hit the window and flashed a badge. J-dawg and his mom looked at the badge and had no idea what it was. It didn’t look very official.
54:40 – Seth will get UYD voicemails, and sometimes girls will leave a message where they’re not saying or implying anything, but Seth is completely turned on by their voice. Jah knows exactly what Seth is talking about, and references getting “eargasms” (Episode 014, 7:21).
55:33 – Seth was having a conversation with a subscription representative from Sports Illustrated and found himself screaming “Do you know who the Cowboys are?!!!”
1:06:22 – Jah remembers when he got a Skytel Sky Pager
1:06:25 – Seth remembers booking his first commercial on his pager. It blew up outside of his acting class at Lankersham and Riverside. He ran over to the payphone and booked it.
1:09:06 – Seth saw Freeway Rick Ross (Episode 221, 30:07) this week at a vegan restaurant called Real Food Daily on La Cienega. He recognized and couldn’t place it so he walked into the restaurant to nail it down. Seth wanted to take it to him because there was something there, but he just couldn’t bring himself to buy him a cashew milkshake.
1:12:00 – Jah got hit up by a girl who works in a Michael’s and turned her boss on to UYD. She walked in the next day and the first thing she heard from him was “BALL-IN!” Jah says if you can turn a superior on to the show, it will make your life infinitely more awesome and easier at said job.
3:41 – Jah was sitting in a store today talking about the movie 8 Mile starring Eminem, shortly after seeing Inception in a theater, and he was referencing Brittany Murphy’s death. The person Jah was talking to said, “Yeah, and her husband.” J-dawg had no idea the husband had died shortly after Brittany.
6:05 – Jah watched A Single Man with Colin Firth (Episode 171, 9:56) and Julianne Moore. He liked Inception and admits that Leo is the real deal. His face has aged so he kind of looks like a man, so he’s not mad at him anymore.
9:41 – Jah just found out that a UYD listener bought a red 1993 Plymouth Sundance – the same car as Seth’s (except Seth’s is blue). Seth thinks he and this listener should race for pinks at midnight after the live shows at the Broad Stage on Oct. 2.
18:10 – Seth was on an all-star baseball team in the eighth grade and he was hanging out with four of his buddies at Plum Beach in the summer. They couldn’t wait to get to the main center and talk to girls. There was one dude who didn’t want to go and they couldn’t figure out why. The dude turned out to be bona fide gay, as Seth found out about 5 years ago. Jah says he doesn’t know if he knows any childhood friends who came out at a later time. He doesn’t even remember anyone being out when he was growing out. He wonders what the oldest age is that you could possibly realize you’re gay. Seth says 44.
33:26 – Jah tells a story about his friends who got high on cocaine and went to a gun range in the Valley on Thanksgiving Day. They were firing guns on coke and an Asian dude walked in, rented a gun, walked up to the stall next to them and blew his brains out next to them. The back of his head flew off, he hits the ground and blood begins to seep across the floor everywhere. Within seconds, the employees are alerted as to what’s happened and they come out with two bags of kitty litter, dump it on the ground and soak up the blood. It seemed like it happened fairly regularly.
36:23 – Jah had a friend who volunteered at a suicide hotline when he was younger. He thinks it was the male live-in nanny that he used to have, who recently hit J-dawg up on Facebook. He now oversees a ballet troupe in Los Angeles. He remembers him starting to volunteer and then realizing no one there was going to keep anyone from killing themselves because all of them were fulfilling community service hours and would laugh at the people when they revealed their problems.
42:44 – Somebody texted Jah this week, “The McFarthest I’ve ever had to drive is 3 blocks.” (Episode 236, 57:06)
43:20 – Seth and Jah were just looking at a picture of Seth from when he was a senior in high school. He is wearing rolled-up cuffed cutoff jeans. He looks so happy and so young and is being thrown up in the air by 12 other people. That moment, captured in time, was the happiest he’s ever been in his life. Seth says he needs 12 listeners on Oct. 2 to throw him up in the air.
51:14 – J-dawg has heard horror stories about Verizon / Time Warner technicians coming out to people’s houses and having no idea what they’re doing or how to help them. J-dawg thinks some kabillionaire needs to start a “Shit That Works Company.” Jah remembers that when he first got cable internet and nobody else had it in Hollywood, it was pure glory. It never crashed and the tech support dudes were right around the corner on Vine.
58:03 – Jah’s girlfriend is doing the master cleanse. Jah went to buy lemons, and if he was investing in something, it would be lemons because they’re a buck apiece. Non-organics were 90 cents apiece and organics were 98 cents apiece and even smaller than non-organics. When Seth saw her, she was on Day 1 and she called Seth “Sean.” Jah is noticing some word-jumbling from her. Whenever Seth did the master cleanse (Episode 060, 13:58) he couldn’t even follow an episode of Friends.
1:11:01 – Jah gets a lot of old $20 bills, which raise some eyebrows. He gave one to a dude at a 7-11 recently and all three employees got together to size it up before accepting it.
10:48 – Jah literally lives like three blocks away from the Broad Stage. He sees a lot of college girls who shop together, and the shit they put in their bodies is so gross. A lot of taquitos, a giant box of tampons, frozen bean burritos, etc. He always assumed when he was younger that guys hung out and ate gross shit, but now he realizes that girls hang out, wear sweats, watch True Blood and eat mad gross shit.
15:03 – Seth had an encounter at the Whole Foods on Tuesday with Luke Perry. It was so legit and Seth gave it to him so intensely that Perry thought maybe Seth was being ironic (Episode 070, 11:54), so then Seth had to double back and explain that he was wearing an Air Jordan Flight jacket when Donny Hills went to pick him up from his school and they discussed last night’s show.
16:04 – Before the show, Jah handed Seth a Details magazine from 1994 with Luke Perry on the cover.
21:44 – Jah has been eating a lot of meat. He used to consider himself abou the dirtiest, most militant hippie around, but he’s been eating it and it tastes wicked good. He still has crazy contemplative conversations with himself, but there’s an undeniability as far as how it affects Jah’s body. He feels better with it in him. He watches Seth eat so well, and Jah is a lazy person and being a vegetarian he finds himself eating cake and cheese, which grinds him down after a while. For 14 years he didn’t eat any kind of meat, and now he’s full bore – he ate kobe beef meatballs the other day. Seth then says he was sober for just as long and now he takes Budweiser baths. So basically Jah is full of shit.
25:17 – Jah is trying to remember where he got arrested in North Carolina. It was Asheville. He got arrested for mushrooms there this year. They were a gift from a UYD listener. It was a Schedule 1 offense where he was. In the counties outside of it it would’ve been a misdemeanor ticket, but he was facing 15 months in prison for it. Jah said it was fine now because he’s adhering to his probation. Seth says the real reason it’s fine is because they got ahold of Jah’s dad. Jah was playing a show, and when he got off stage, the guy corralled them all in the green room and searched their stuff. No one else on the tour had a stitch of drugs on them, so Jah was the only one sinking the ship. While he was sitting in the police station, Jah saw some people. The dude closest to him sat down, his shoes were off and he had blood streaming down his face. He had split his forehead open. He had slammed directly into a brick wall in his car. He was 22 years old and kept saying “I’m going to jail, bro.” It was his third strike for DUI. Meanwhile Jah was just sitting there petrified, not wanting to be where he was. There was another guy next to this dude who kept asking if he could go to the bathroom. Everyone who was there, the police knew their first names. Finally let they let the dude go to the bathroom after 45 minutes, and about 10 minutes later, he walks out and has just shit all over the floor. Jah was beside himself. He said getting arrested in the South is the real deal – it’s not like getting arrested in Malibu.
33:53 – Jah says he hasn’t dressed up in his adult life at all, but Seth tells him he dressed up as John Popper four years ago. He was about 50-60 pounds heavier back then, and he put a pillow underneath the costume. His friends’ consensus was that he didn’t need the pillow. Jah also dressed up as a Deadhead in 2007 (Episode 089, 2:34).
36:58 – Jah talks about a good friend of the show, Erin, who he wishes was there at the live show. In reference to the man ejaculating into the woman’s water bottle, Erin has direct connection, being friends of the co-worker that that happened to.
39:45 – Jah used to zip himself up in a suitcase when he was a kid all the time. He thought it was really funny that he could fit inside of a suitcase.
53:12 – Jah references the story of him and his mom barfing from the Catalina ferry on people’s windows (Episode 198, 9:04).
54:30 – Seth went to church with his mother on Christmas and the priest was yelling out “Who has come the farthest on this journey to Jesus?!” Seth was curious what the furthest one of the guests at the Broad traveled from. People shout out various inaudible locations.
5:27 – Jah was at his girlfriend’s store the other day and Lindsay Lohan walked into the store. This was prior to doing the podcast and after the podcast J-dawg watched her on TMZ. There were a ton of papparazi following her, and when she broke out of the store they threw some sort of decoy and she exited out the back. It takes them 8 seconds to realize that happened. In the middle of a green light they book across the street and make cars screech. They’re not even looking at the traffic, they’re just scrolling through their SLRs looking to see if they got the shot. Seth thinks he would be the best paparazzi because he wouldn’t show up on Fairfax with 15 other fools. He would stealth it on Olympic and get them alone and do it really chill. J-Dawg was thinking about Li-Lo’s life and figures out that she doesn’t really make any money anymore and she just gets chased everywhere. Being herself on the run is why she is who she is. At least Paris is mega-rich. But J-dawg thinks Lindsay needs money.
20:51 – Jah thinks guys are lucky for not having to get mammograms or pap smears. All dudes have to do is every four years have a dude stick a finger up their butt and tell a bad joke (Episode 049, 12:59; Episode 120, 2:36)
22:37 – Jah had a friend who was reading his daughter’s diary, and it got bad. It got into a scene where he was reading information he didn’t want to know – talking about drugs, sex, etc., that a normal teenage girl would talk about – but it wasn’t to the point where it was a genuine concern to stop her. Jah thinks it’s a terrible situation. He can’t imagine if his folks would have been reading his stuff. He’s pretty convinced that he would kill his kid before he would let him do something that kills himself.
25:39 – Jah says he made a mistake on the show a couple months ago talking about recycling and trash and that the sorting that happens on our end doesn’t do any good (Episode 225, 1:12:54). Ultimately stuff all ends up at landfills but there’s also a pre-sifting that goes on in regular garbage with plastic and aluminum since they’re worth money. That week, a dude in Florida who works at a landfill sent him photos from his iPhone. Jah was shocked by the giant sponges that went to soak up the oil spill, which were shipped and dumped to Florida landfills. He sent Jah pictures of bulldozers digging 40-foot pits in the landfill and dumping all those yellow sponge things in there, putting other garbage on top of it and burying them.
28:55 – Jah notices that Seth has a pair of glasses on in his Screen Actors Guild ID, and Seth claims “they fucked my shit up so bad.” He went to an audition wearing a Titanic t-shirt with Jack and Rose on the bow of the boat and a leather bomber jacket and thought he was going to destroy the audition in his Hollywood rigout. They gave him a mesh tank top, a Samuel Jackson Kangol and red-tinted wire-rimmed glasses and told him to go to work.
29:49 – Jah talked to another listener of the show who was talking about the show with his wife. He texted Jah and said he had never had a single funny thing to text him, but he was talking to his wife and said their names, “Jonathan Larroquette and Seth Romatelli.” What the wife heard was “Sethro Matelli.” Jah thinks this is the best name for him ever, and he’s never thought about it before. The listener also made a small flash animation about it which Jah wants to show Seth.
31:17 – Jah says he gets a couple residual checks from music queues that end up in Israel and they’re worth even less money than Seth’s movie residuals.
52:15 – Jah didn’t know that so many women shit themselves when they give birth and he was just having this conversation yesterday with his girlfriend about the possibility of having children etc. Jah said he would want to be in the room while it was happening, but she said there was no way he was dealing with anything south of the border. It would only be eyes and hand-holding. She informed him that women shit themselves all the time giving birth and he finds it to be pretty gross getting shit all over your brand-new kid.
5:22 – Jah had a friend who worked at Disney Land for a while. He smoked marijuana and oversaw the rides. He revealed that the drug use of the staff was at the max. They would drop acid in the morning before they opened the gates.
11:42 – Seth wants to know why he always sees ambulance guys in Subway. Jah says almost every ambo he sees now are not real ambos.
16:05 – Seth was sitting at Fountain and Vine on Monday morning when he inadvertently ran into the “10-4 Parade.” The 10-4 Parade features Los Angeles police cars from every single decade. He saw a Dodge Charger, a Crown Vic, and pretty soon by the end of it saw a Car 54-style cruiser. He wished he could’ve seen a perp from each era dressed appropriately and running away from the cops.
18:40 – Being a lot kid (Episode 066, 13:41; Episode 180, 5:52), Jah had a few experiences in his time dealing with the people affiliated with the making of TV and film who have no real business and TV and film – animal wranglers, etc. Jah said they’re the worst people because all they talk about is their thing and how close they were with Burt Reynolds back in the day.
25:36 – Fantasy sports taint the game for Seth. He likes the purity of the game. He has never once played it but he has consulted on various occasions. People will be talking to Seth and slip it to him on the sly because they know he knows about all the injury reports
41:48 – Seth has never faked an orgasm, but Jonathan has. He thinks it came about in the same context that women fake an orgasm, so to not hurt the other person’s feelings while knowing there was no way during that particular session that you could be brought to release. Jah thinks something transpired that reset that clock. It’s wildly difficult for a man to do it, but easier if they have a condom on. Women can cloak it at any time.
46:50 – Jah reports they are getting some weird, erratic weather in Los Angeles right now.
50:33 – Seth was terrified about the nun habits and ghost masks from The Town, but then he saw The Town and didn’t give an F about that because he saw the Skeletor masks and purple dredlocks (Episode 237, 4:59). Then he quickly forgot about that because he saw the new Snickers commercial with two kids stacked on each other with a raincoat over them, and they’re wearing a terrifying mask while encouraging a female shopper to buy Snickers.
1:03:29 – Jah watched The Green Zone with Matt Damon and learned some things. Seth watched The Green Mile] with Michael Clarke Duncan and learned some things.
1:04:22 – Someone hit Jah up today and asked him why it was that you can be homeless at a public library looking up porn, yet at his job he can’t pull up the UYD website because it comes up as a gambling website. Seth says this is because each episode you’re gambling with your mind.
7:12 – Jah was asked by a friend of the show who was with a lady younger than he how long after intercourse it was appropriate to Twitter. Supposedly this guy hadn’t even put his clothes back on or gone to the bathroom before she was tweeting something.
12:39 – Jah says he got several texts from dudes who say they’ve faked orgasms (Episode 240, 41:48). Most of them involved condoms, which would make thing much easier, but one or two of them didn’t.
19:33 – If Jah had to get a job right now, he honestly wouldn’t know where to begin. He thinks he would try to go wait tables at an expensive restaurant. He’s worried he might have to cut his hair if he did that.
23:32 – Jah watched a faux couple in the grocery store the other day where they went shopping and scanning each one, put it in their cart and go through every other single one on the shelf, look at the date and note how long it had been there. They were reps from the company, but they were cloaking it. She was dressed up with a Louis Vuitton bag and he was looking like he just got off work. The computer they were using was cloaked in a canvas bag but it was obvious they had a unit. People from the back came up and said, “Hey guys.” Jah supposed it wasn’t for the grocery not to store, but for other shoppers to just think they were a couple while they were riffling through and checking dates. He couldn’t believe they were filling a cart. After the male had left the female stayed and milled around for a while.
35:46 – Jah finds out from UYD listeners that there are a gang of round-abouts in Oregon. Someone told Seth they’re worse than left-hand turns (Episode 240, 13:01).
51:36 – Jah was eating lunch today and looked out the window to see a red-headed quadriplegic dude who had a weird steez as he was rolling by. He looked through the window to see Jah looking at him and kind of smirked at J-dawg. He pushed the door open with his electrical thing and orders some food. Jah sees him a little bit later and saw him parked with his wheelchair relatively close to the table of a couple guys eating lunch. They were kind of like yuppie businessmen guys, and the quad is looking dead at one of them and not being down with what one of them is saying. He’s making one of the dudes super uncomfortable. Jah makes eye contact with him, and the guy gives him a little wink like “I got this.” Jah chuckles to himself thinking it was weird that he did that to people.
4:55 – Jordan told Seth that Brett Favre texted cock shots months ago, but Seth first heard about it in the mass media three days ago. Jah doesn’t want to believe that Favre had Crocs on in the pictures he sent. Seth can’t believe Favre is a grandfather who sends pictures of his dong via text message.
9:43 – We all know Jah owned a pair of Crocs, which he wore while gardening and podcasting (Episode 011, 2:52). He’s supposed to deny that never happened, because his girlfriend is ashamed of it.
16:39 – When Jah was a kid, his dad was in a Movie of the Week called Convicted (1985), about a mailman who gets convicted of rape and sent away. John plays the letter carrier. The character goes to jail for something he didn’t do and gets attacked and stabbed in prison. J-dawg remembers crying while watching it. Lindsay Wagner plays his wife, and Jenny Lewis plays his daughter. Jenny told Jah about having a weird “dad crush” on John later on.
30:25 – Seth was with somebody last Friday, and was scheduled to meet Jonathan in a few minutes, but the person he was with said, “Oh I have a text from Jonathan.” Seth doesn’t understand why, but he reads the text out loud, and it said “I just hit an 81-year-old Russian man in my car on Melrose.” Jonathan explains that he was running late to an appointment he and Seth were having together. He cut through some side streets and came to a stop sign, where he thought he was clear to make a left-hand turn. He then realized there was a large older Russian man in the crosswalk, and managed to perfectly line up the pillar of his car to where the man was completely eclipsed, and it wasn’t until his face was in Jah’s driver’s side window that he saw him. The man leaped out of the way, and Jah hit the man’s foot. Jah immediately stopped, rolled down the window and yelled “Oh my God are you OK!” The man said, “If I hadn’t moved you would have hit me?” The man says he’s fine and walks across the street. Jah goes about 10 feet and pulls over and looks at him, and the man has put his hand on a fence and the other hand on his heart. Jah freaks out and comes over to him, asking him if he’s OK. The guy says he won’t sue Jah because he’s not that type of person and tells Jah to drive away. Jah insists on staying with him, so the man lets J-dawg walk him to his house. The man was favoring his foot the whole way home.
47:12 – Jah talks about his experience with The Social Network. He didn’t really like it. He likes Jesse Eisenberg but wasn’t down with the movie at all. Jah admits that the story was interesting, but the movie almost makes the story less interesting because nobody in the movie is particularly likeable. His best friend is the only one who has to go through any kind of emotional arc whatsoever. Jah says Timberlake sucked in it, and there were four different versions of that character in that movie and Jah didn’t buy any of them. Jah liked Fincher and he liked so many things in the movie, but the whole movie he kept saying to himself, “This is going to get better.” It never got better.
59:07 – Seth had tickets to a U2 show at the Rose Bowl and said it wasn’t worth driving to Pasadena to see them.
59:14 – Jah’s dad asked him last night if he wanted to go see Leon Russell and Elton John play together at the Palladium. Jah momentarily thought about how Leon Russell was the best but it was so long ago. It was one of those things he wanted to say yes to, but then he thought about the reality of it and decided against it.
7:12 – It’s Seth’s mother’s birthday today. She was cleaning out her house and going through drawers and sent some stuff to Seth. There was an awesome photo from a 1981 issue of the Haverhill Gazette of Marcia and Aunt Carol doing fall shopping. There was another anonymous letter that Marcia and Seth’s father received in the mail from a neighbor on Aug. 31, 1993. Seth thinks he was at home that summer as a mailman, while his parents were going to a beautiful home in Scarborough, Maine. Seth was 19 years old. The letter reads, Mr. & Mrs. Joseph Romatelli, An invitation to the last of a series of parties that started July 3, 1993. Time: 8 p.m. Until: ??? Plenty of noise, plenty of booze, plenty of broads. Location: ____ Given by: Seth the Jet
13:39 – Seth remembers living on N. Beachwood in 1995 and taking bong hits while watching Jerry Springer at 11:00 at night.
42:44 – Jah goes old-school with his scents. He’s an Aqua-Velva type guy, coupled with Nivea lotion, Old Spice and Stetson.
43:09 – UYD’s good friend Sal’s father puts fresh lemon on his body every day.
52:22 – Seth almost fucked up Mandy Patinkin when he and Jah saw him at Art’s Deli in the Valley because he’s a cocky motherfucker (Episode 100 - Part I, 19:17)
1:04:52 – Love is so hard. Jah has tried hard and failed at it. When he looks at he and Justine from an outsider’s perspective, it is something to respect and honor, even though he knows the doomed outcome.
1:10:59 – Jah was walking down the street last night walking his dogs, sniffing out potential mates. He saw two women in their early 40s who were identical twins. They sort of looked a little bit like Marge Simpson’s two sisters. They’re walking down the street toward him on a single cell phone between their heads. One of them is holding it up and both are listening to it (not on speaker). One of them says something into the phone which Jah can’t remember. The other one turns to her identical twin and says, “Don’t say that. You can’t say that.” The other one responds, “I can say what I want. I’m my own person.”
6:08 – Jah loves his parents and he loved them pretty consistently throughout his entire life. But there’s been 12 instances where he almost killed them. He also thinks they were on the cusp of killing him a couple times. Jah almost killed his brother twice. Seth wants Jah’s mother to send him a picture of his brother sleeping on Jah’s chest.
12:38 – Jah needs to talk about a film that he saw called I’m Still Here starring Joaquin Phoenix and directed by Casey Afflek. Jah talked a fair amount of shit leading up to the film’s release, but he wants to clear the air and say that he actually enjoyed it quite a bit. Jah did not see it in theaters like Seth did; he rented it on iTunes. Jah admits that it’s pretty weird, and was tripped out by Joaquin’s hair – which looks similar to Jah’s from high school in the mid-90s.
24:16 – Jah has had so many parking tickets in his life. He’s had so many boots put on his car in his life. He hates them so much that they become things he can’t deal with, which is the worst thing you can possibly do. And they always come back.
27:54 – Seth got a voicemail from a girl who talked about how weird it is to run into your significant other’s ex out in public and think about them blowing them. The girl said it’s way worse for girls b/c they have to think about all the dude’s exes and all the random people he hooked up with and “all the head that he got from gross stripper girls.”
44:15 – About 900 people sent free Kleenex packs to Seth this week.
50:10 – Jah lived in the throes of Hasidic jews when he was in Hollywood. When they’re walking to temple on Friday you can’t go anywhere in traffic.
3:21 – Jah wants to know if it’s true that two people went to the Halloween Phish show dressed as Jonathan and Seth from Uhh Yeah Dude. He’s heard rumors that it’s true but has not seen photo documentation of it.
6:35 – The only clocks Seth has are his microwave and alarm clock. On Saturday he changed those two times for daylight savings and at one point was coming back from the bathroom and said, “Oh, shit!” It gave him a little boost making his coffee two hours later.
8:23 – Jah has fallen asleep at the wheel and had something happen once that was beyond frightening. One involved a passenger with him and the other he was alone. He was driving with his ex once and they were driving to Las Vegas. He decided to just head out at 1:30 a.m. and he got tired within an hour of driving and started talking about having heard master tapes of a Queen record and that you could solo each of the tracks and hear Freddie Mercury by himself. Then there was a conversation lull, and he basically slipped into complete unconsciousness. Then he randomly blurts out, “It’s crazy though, because Jimi Hendrix’s family is like, freaking out about it!” He then acknowledges another pause and realizes he’s slipped into “dream talk.” She did the math and then asked if he had just fallen asleep, then freaked out and made him check them into a Motel 6 in Bakersfield. The other time, he was driving home from Santa Barbara stone-cold sober but running on very little sleep at 3 a.m. He slipped into unconsciousness but slipped into a dream where he was driving on the same road and all of a sudden a hologramic crocodile slithers across the road, and he swerves to avoid it, and as that happens he wakes up and has gone into the other lane. He sees a 16-wheeler big rig and is barreling toward it. He promptly pulled over and started crying because he was horrified by it. Whenever Seth is going through this he just turns on some Carrie Underwood and lets Jesus take the wheel (Episode 010, 23:27).
28:45 – Jah will be going out on the road for a short spell on the West Coast and then Salt Lake City and Colorado for some Jogger shows. Jah says people can find those dates on facebook.com/joggermusic. They played in San Diego last night and there were some UYDheads rolling out. He’s looking forward to more coming out as they go on.
54:03 – Seth thinks the first time he ever made out to a girl was while listening to Pet Shop Boys’ “West End Girls” on a bean bag chair with Cara O’Brien.
58:09 – A dance crew contacted UYD about possibly being sponsored by UYD and wearing UYD stuff while they’re battling, but Jah couldn’t tell if it was legit or not. Seth says there needs to be no talking about it, they just need to lock it down.
1:01:29 – Jah once met Eddie Money in an elevator, and Eddie said, “I’m Eddie Money, the singah.” Then went Jah met Eddie Van Halen, he said, “I’m Eddie Van Halen—Van Halen.”
1:05:50 – Jah had friends who had Samantha Fox posters that were incredibly booby and he was never allowed to have them (Episode 020, 9:44).
13:37 – We’ve all drank on the job, but even when Seth was doing it at a video store with Randy Randall of the punk band No Age, they would still look at each other and wonder if they were really doing this now.
24:00 – Jah just got back from Colorado, where the people love him. He reports that the air is terrible in Denver and you get real drunk because of the elevation and feel really shitty afterward. A couple guys on the Jogger crew didn’t realize this and weren’t big drinkers and woke up feeling horrible. But Jah loves the city even though it’s a trippy town and he’s always been treated really well there.
30:48 – Jah’s friend always used to refer to the bass player in Pearl Jam, Jeff Ament, as “OK But the Hat Stays.” When the band moved from being a hair band into grunge, Ament kept a hat that seemed more appropriate for hair bands.
33:09 – Seth got thrown out of Dublin’s on St. Patrick’s Day during one of the last years he was not sober. His friend Nick Lang was in town and they were getting rowdy. Seth can’t describe what went on in the bar besides, “Things.”
34:00 – Seth talks about a notebook that a friend of his found about “the lost weekend” that turned into a reality journal about times during the late 90s in Hollywood that a friend of his scribbled and rambled in. He finds a portion in there about a party at Rufus Wainwright’s house during which Seth bought coke from a guy who had a SATAN t-shirt.
40:17 – While on tour with Jogger, Amir was watching Battlestar Galactica on his iPad, and at one point plugged the jack into car stereo auxiliary and he held it up so everyone could see the show. Jah doesn’t understand how people love that show. They were in Seattle and at the base of the Space Needle they had a Battlestar Galactica exhibit with spaceships and Amir was so stoked to go check it out.
50:18 – UYD Nation is thick in Salt Lake City. Listeners rolled out to the Jogger show when Jogger went on tour there. It was pretty dope. It was super cold but Jah was down. He got stiffed for his gig while he was there. There was a booking agent they fired after the last tour because the routing was horrible. He was still on board when the dates for this tour were being booked, and felt like he deserved to be paid, and so he contacted promoters and had them pay in full to the booking agency. By the time Jah and Amir showed up, they showed them Xeroxes of the checks that were sent to him. Jah and Amir were pissed and played the show knowing they were getting nothing.
56:40 – You go through some towns when you’re driving from major city to major city, and you see the poverty for real, according to J-Dawg. He and Amir drove through the Four Corners District during their recent Jogger tour. The reservation was in dire straits when the world was good to us, and now it’s looking even more grim. There were starving dogs with bum legs and unlivable houses for harsh winter conditions. Jah saw some good meth action going on there.
1:06:53 – There’s an obit on the UYD website about a guy who runs the Albertson Wedding Chapel on Wilshire. Seth once went to a wedding there for a guy who worked with him at Rocket Video named Ron Shahoq. He got married on April Fool’s Day and didn’t know about the day (Episode 029, 5:49). They were drinking out in the parking lot and asking Ron if he understood that it was a thing. Seth thinks they’re divorced now. They went to Yamashiro after the wedding, and Seth stole a little soy cup that he clinks on his coffee table to let us know he has it. He thinks the date was April 1, 1999.
4:47 – Seth’s mother lost it watching a McBride marathon and saw Jonathan and Amir’s name listed on the screen with a music credit.
4:57 – Nosaj Thing showed Jah a picture on his iPhone of a shot of the McBride episode on his TV in his Paris hotel room. Jah asked him if he listened to the soundtrack.
8:27 – When Seth interned with talent manager Beverlee Dean at his first internship in Los Angeles, her main client was Kevin Sorbo. She also had Jim Caviezel, who Seth read lines with one time and thought he sucked.
26:17 – Jah’s brother might be moving to New York City. Jonathan’s father is going to star in the 50th anniversary Broadway revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying with none other than Dan Radcliffe.
27:54 – Seth had Claritin one time and a couple hours after he took it he felt a little hopped up. He was with a buddy who’s sober, and he got a homeopathic cayenne pepper deal that he put up his nose, and it had the rush of something going into his brain. Seth thinks it dislodged every bit of coke that had been circulating in his brain.
29:15 – Jah remembers two times the same person in his life got him back into the drug game – Justin, or “Jigs.” He was drinking Jack and Coke out of a Coke can, and Jah had grabbed the Coke can and took a sip of it. Another time, it was a boozie thing like that where Justin was hiding the alcohol in another container.
41:22 – Jonathan has been in Bed Bath & Beyond a couple times recently because he had a friend who was moving into his spot. As much as he is a meathead, he’s slightly more domesticated than most after living with a woman for many years. He describes it as a living SkyMall catalog. Jah can’t help but get kind of sucked into awesome knife collections or $400 juicers. Seth says J-dawg also gets this way in Sur La Table stores.
8:13 – Somebody texted Jah asking if Seth was really thinking about coming off the wagon.
9:03 – Jah wants to know if he accidentally said “nucular” on Episode 247 like George W. Bush. Someone hit up and said they’d counted two already.
13:27 – When Seth handed Jah the news item in front of Jah about a potential menthol cigarette ban, he didn’t notice that sitting on a piece of Jah’s equipment was a pack of Newport Menthol Gold. Jah says he smokes menthols because they taste good.
20:49 – Listener Johnny M from San Francisco sent a birthday/Christmas/life gift wrapped into one, the Tiffany documentary I Think We’re Alone Now for Jah and Seth to watch. Jah and Seth watched it alone, and have never felt more alone.
31:12 – Jah was standing on Third Street Prominade in Santa Monica, Calif., this week, doing some early Christmas shopping. He looks over and on the corner of Broadway and 3rd is a deli called The Broadway Deli. They just opened up the mall across the street and it’s gone from being a shithole of a mall to a mega-shopping destination with Louis stores, etc. Now all the storefronts on the opposite side of the street facing the mall are worth exponentially more money than they are currently. There was a huge sign in the window of the Broadway Deli that said LOST OUR LEASE – GOING OUT OF BUSINESS – CLOSING. Jah then realized that in the 80s and 90s, the Broadway Deli was popping with all TV celebs who had moved to the west side (Santa Monica and Malibu) and the food was good and the place was huge. Jah remembered going there for his 13th birthday, and they gave him a pair of slip-on Vans and a few other things there. He took a picture of the deli and sent it to his dad with the message “I had my 13th birthday there. That was 20 years ago.” It was the most cold, bone-chilling, empty old that Jah has ever felt.
1:01:18 – Jah called Seth the other day because he happened to be at a friend’s house who had cable and said “Are you watching this!?” during 60 Minutes for the Spider-Man Broadway segment.
1:03:34 – Jah went to an auto show with Amir and got a major panic attack from looking at the Chevy Volt. Fuel TV was there and they had a weird host there describing things about the cars. Jah couldn’t believe the length of the line of people waiting to get into one of the cars to rev the engine, and couldn’t help but go back and stare at it. Amir had to pull Jah aside and tell him that the thing he does wrong is weigh up the implications that these types of activities have on mankind, and you simply can’t do that because it’ll kill you.
1:05:21 – Seth looked up his Sundance on Kelly Blue Book, and in excellent condition it is worth $1,995 – which is what he paid for it when he drove it off the lot at Sepulveda at his Pick ‘N Save. Seth wants some of the new UYD bumper stickers to put on the ‘Dance.
3:07 – When Seth was talking about wanting to go to Hawaii, Jah’s dad recommended not to stay at the Four Seasons, but to stay at another hotel in Maui next to the Four Seasons that’s even better. Jah thinks it’s the Kapalua Resort.
9:31 – Seth saw a couple movies on Friday night. He dipped into 127 Hours and Black Swan. If he were to send Jah to one of them, he would choose The Fighter. He declares “Nope, nope” on both of them.
10:56 – Jah informs Seth that the Freestyle Session 13 he just reported on was put on by Jah’s good friend Louis. Seth then realizes he went to the same competition a couple years ago and just stared at everyone.
14:50 – Every time Jah goes into the post office, especially now during the holidays, it is a clusterfuck. He’s been doing a lot of shipping with the UYD merch so the P.O. workers know him well by this point.
19:44 – Any of J-Dawg’s friends who came out to their folks, their parents did a pretty good job with it. Seth wonders what Amir’s parents thought.
20:28 – Seth’s 20-year high school reunion is this weekend, but he’s skipping it to do Episode 250. One of Jah’s friends informed him that his is coming up pretty soon, which he had trouble comprehending. Seth didn’t go to his 10-year reunion so he’s thinking he needs to go to his 20-year.
22:36 – J-Dawg doesn’t have a television because of the panic attacks that various TV programs would give him. He says that it’s worse now that he doesn’t have one, however, because when he finally gets to a TV and sits down, it’s 1,000 times worse and none of his mental callouses have been built up yet.
24:27 – In 2000, Seth wore the glasses that had 2000 on them every weekend to every party in that year.
26:36 – Seth has been getting some robot voice bill collectors calling his house. They’re not getting any money from him regarding a magazine subscription from when he was living on N. Beachwood. The voice, when it says his name, goes “Hello. Seth. Rome. Italy.”
28:41 – J-Dawg has had the same phone for a long time and has given his number out frequently. He gets his share of stuff where people spam his phone and e-mail, but he’s been surprised by the fact that he hasn’t been inundated with garbage.
37:29 – Jah remembers one Santa being heinous. Jah was petrified of him. He was so scary and creepy.
51:50 – Jah remembers when he was looking for a car that Amir convinced him to test-drive an xB Scion when they had first come out. Jah started looking it up and saw that dudes were modding them and putting systems in them. Jah and Amir went together to drive one. Amir wouldn’t be caught dead buying one, yet he had no problem offering it up to J-Dawg. Jah thinks it’s crazy that all the DJs on this planet drive those. Seth thinks he needs a sports car from the 60s, like a 1968 Ferrari that he can drive to art galleries while wearing a turtleneck.
1:06:52 – Seth once saw Kabuki theatre at the Wiltern. He smoked a crazy bowl, parked his Volvo off on a side street and went and got tickets by himself on the balcony. It was him and all Japanese people. He was crazy high, and a light above the stage popped and shattered and fell. Seth recalls that it didn’t affect the Kabuki actors in any way. In true Kabuki fashion, they continued.
1:09:14 – Seth got a voicemail from a guy who said he was in jail and he used his one phone call to call the UYD voicemail. If that’s true, Seth loves this dude.
16:30 – Jah rats out Amir for crying during Marley and Me. He watched it on a plane and wept and dared Jah to watch it and not cry. Jah never watched it.
19:38 – Seth doesn’t have any plans for New Year’s Eve. He thinks his best one was when he went to Abiquiu, N.M., for Y2K (Episode 075, 41:24; Episode 052, 19:48; Episode 133, 11:37; Episode 190, 1:03:08) because it was the most memorable. Then he remembers he had a New Year’s in high school where he bought a white shirt with big black polka dots like Kid ‘N Play had at the Methuen Mall the day before New Year’s as a high school junior. He went to a New Year’s party at Mark Spencer’s house and people were in awe of his shirt. So that might have been his best. He then recounts his worst New Year’s, which was when he had his first sober New Year’s and took his Chevy Cheyenne up to the Hollywood Hills and counted down the clock. He then drove down to Sunset and got pulled over at a DUI checkpoint on Sunset at the Bank of America just east of Fairfax because of his colored cab lights and got a ticket at 12:31 a.m. on Jan. 1. Seth got home, went to bed, woke up on Jan. 1 and there was a ticket waiting for him on the coffee table when he woke up. Happy New Year, Seth.
34:03 – Jah was in the Nike Store the other day. His friend was looking for something and Jah got up to the Jordans/basketball section, and he saw maybe 1 pair out of 30 that if he saw someone in them he wouldn’t judge them. Most of them he thought were retarded-looking and would be even worse with shorts next to thin legs.
42:38 – In thinking about the Manson Murders, Jah started thinking about a health food restaurant that used to be in LA in the 60s called The Source, which was very popular. The guy who ran it started a small commune/cult called the Ya Ho Wha, and changed his name to Father Yod. He had mother house and father house where there were close to 200 people living there. There was tantric meditation and weed smoking and a bunch of records they recorded during this time. He had been in pursuit of his wife for a while and finally convinced him to go out with him. She blew off plans that night, which were to go to the Polanski house, to go hook up with him in his love van. Jah says Father Yod killed a couple guys and eventually got himself killed hang-gliding.
1:02:51 – Jah is down with Next-Gen Star Trek. They cover some moral issues.
7:05 – Jah had a friend growing up whose dad was a popular guru mystic Indian guy in the 70s and 80s. He had grown up as a boy sage because he was very little and spitting mad third-eye game, and as he got older moved into more advanced wisdom. Jah ate abalone at his house, which was the first time he’s ever done this.
8:43 – Seth received some literature from “It Is Written,” dated December 20, 2010: Dear Seth, I just wanted to let you know how excited I am that you are interested in the study of the Bible. You requested the “Search for Certainty” bible study guides some time ago, and at that time we mailed you the first Bible study guide to complete at your leisure, but we still haven’t received your completed study guide. We’re wondering if you did in fact receive this. Your commitment is to faithfully complete the lessons to us, return them in a self-addressed stamped envelope. I will then review your lessons and send you along your next Bible study course to be completed. I am praying for you Seth. I request that you call me with any specific prayer request. Muriel then left her home, cell and office phone numbers for him to contact her at. Seth remembers sending away for information, but does not recall receiving anything.
12:11 – Seth told J-Dawg today that all we need to know in order to prove that we live in the craziest country ever is to sit down and watch two documentaries: Good Hair about Chris Rock, and The Wild and Wonderful Whites – a documentary so many people have been texting Jah about recently.
23:01 – Seth has been all up in the Hollywood Christmas Parades. His first year, he snorted coke and went up to the boulevard and went bat-shit crazy. He was living at 632 N. Beachwood at the time. There was another year when he was working at Paramount and they had floats out of there and he was posted up as a VIP. He was eating chicken dumplings. Jah wonders if he and Seth will ever get to be on a car in the parade, because his dad got to do it (Episode 057, 10:53).
24:13 – Seth doesn’t understand the new “Franco Jackets,” which feature reflective material on them by the wrists.
37:14 – Jah remembers his friend having a Chinese tea that he swore by for some sort of medical reason because he was sick. It would come in bags, and the smell was the strongest, most pungent, most repulsive thing at room temperature. Once it was boiled, it would fill the room up. It was expensive as anything and he swore by it.
37:58 – Seth tried to get a kid to take a wheatgrass shot at Jamba Juice. He looked at the kid and his mother and said “it’s like bubble gum,” and he was almost there but the kid wouldn’t take it. The first time J-Dawg took wheatgrass, he had the worst diarrhea ever.
43:46 – Jah remembers going into the Grotto at the Playboy Mansion when he was a little kid (Episode 134, 43:10). It was like a Hollywood party at the mansion and you’d think they’d tone it down a little, but it was just a cave of nudity in there.
59:53 – Jah had a story he wanted to tell but he can’t remember it now.
1:05:59 – Seth and Jah talk about the UPS driver delivering the package during the show. Seth wanted the driver to come on the mic but they sensed that the driver either didn’t like Seth or Jonathan. Seth thinks the dude thought it was some sort of J.O. sesh between two dudes. He saw Seth moving quickly like a gazelle with a backwards baseball cap on. When he came back into the studio and saw J-dawg sitting there with a weird-ass 1970s mic, he thought he was walking into some creep-ass shit. He stopped halfway down the hallway and pushed the package the rest of the way rather than coming inside.
27:07 – Jonathan remembers wanting to change his first name a lot when he was a kid. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, but for some reason “Jonathan” just didn’t feel good to him. As much as it was a common name, there were no other Jonathans he came across in his upbringing until later on in life. They were all Johns.
28:39 – Jah’s friend Chris “Wag” Wagner wanted to change his name in school because they called him “Pissy Chrissy” or “Piss Chris.” He went home mad and told his mom he wanted to change his name. His mom asked what he wanted to change it to, and he said “Leroy Brown.” Then his mom said, “Honey, then they’ll just call you ‘Peeroy.’” He got really mad and lashed out at her.
29:29 – Seth wonders if J-dawg has ever heard the phrase “over-the-shoulder boulder holder,” and says he never had before watching Bette Midler singing in the movie Beaches. An old gay dude Seth knows saw him looking at a Victoria’s Secret catalog, and asked him, “What are you lookin’ at? Some over-the-shoulder boulder holders?” and Seth erupted in laughter. Everyone looked at Seth like he was strange.
47:06 – A stripper at a bachelor party Seth went to told him he smelled good, had great hair and had a perfectly symmetrical face while he was enjoying his only bachelor party at the Hyatt House on Sunset. There was a dinner before the party at the Saddle Ranch. This was for Seth’s friend Kurt. Jah has only been to one bachelor party in Las Vegas. He recalls it being the dregs because he was stone-cold sober at the time. Seth had just gotten sober at his. Seth filled his truck up with booze and everyone except him was passed out at the end of the night.
51:52 – Seth went to a Sonic on New Year’s Day coming back from Abiquiu, N.M., post-Y2K, on the way to L.A. He got a bacon double cheeseburger and it was the best thing he’s ever had in his life.
1:10:03 – Seth really has been noticing that people are up on their phones all the time. Wherever he is in the world, he doesn’t have a phone in his hand, so whenever he looks around people are actively inside their phones and getting into them.
7:48 – Jah certainly saw a decent amount of Ron Jeremy growing up. Seth saw him for the first time in Mel’s on Sunset.
8:33 – Jah remembers watching the movie of the week, Convicted (Episode 242, 16:39), that his father starred in. His dad’s character got in a fight with another prisoner, who broke a broomstick and stabbed his dad’s character in the neck with it. Jah went hysterical watching it. He was crying so much. It was one of those things where he’d never seen him do anything like that on camera. Jah got a text on Jan. 4 from a listener saying it was on that date in 1984 that Night Court premiered.
10:36 – Seth remembers seeing Short Bus at a gay and lesbian film festival, which was a straight party. He remembers it opening with a guy trying to blow himself.
11:01 – Jah reveals that Seth has injured himself, and he’s going to ask him to sit down because he’s worried about him. Seth busted his knee and shouldn’t be putting any weight on it. He’s currently standing on one leg and then every 30 seconds he shifts to a Warrior 1 yoga pose.
11:36 – Jah quit smoking for four days. He has two cigarettes with him in the studio tonight. He smoked one of them, he will smoke another one and he believes he will stop again tomorrow.
13:13 – Jah remembers his art teacher smoking More cigarettes, which are long brown menthol cigarettes. Jah thinks he’s smoked Viceroys as well.
21:45 – Seth references going to a crazy vegan house restaurant that their mutual friend, Taran Noah Smith (the youngest brother from Home Improvement) had (Episode 061, 19:30). They were so scared that they were going to get killed that they left voicemails at their houses to say where they were going.
43:58 – Jah gets freaked out about the predictability of his likes and dislikes when he starts rating movies, then waiting for the recommendations to come in. They accurately predict the rating you’re going to give every movie within one-half of a star.
1:02:43 – Seth has faked Jah before. He brought a carrot soup dish from Flora Kitchen on S. La Brea Avenue over to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving and tried to play it off that he made it.
1:03:34 – Seth worked at a place and it was good. It was where he had to go up to the owner’s house and he didn’t lock the gate properly and one of her dogs escaped. It never came back, but it wasn’t Seth’s fault because there was wine that was left outside and when he picked up the wine box they all came out of the box. It was way more work than Seth signed on for. He just wanted to work at this place with Troy Van Leeuwen from Failure. After that, his boss, David Weiss – a great guy, Seth admits – brought him in and said “I hate to do this because you’re my homie but I have to fire you.” It was something he had to do for Rita, the lady whose dog got out. David now manages Cheebo on Sunset. Jah knows him because he used to work at Future, which was two doors down. David is in a Rogaine commercial that’s on TV now, talking about how he’s the guy who used to wear hats all the time but doesn’t anymore.
1:07:35 – Seth wants J-dawg to make one limited edition run of 1980s-style UYD half-shirts. Seth remembers wearing a half-shirt for a whole summer when he was about 11 years old. He wore it to church and didn’t give a shit. He had a taut, tan body that he calls, “A NAMBLA dream.”
1:08:48 – Seth saw a dude who said, “I don’t like to see you on crutches. It just ain’t right.” Seth agreed with him wholeheartedly. Although Seth said he looks pretty fresh at the newsstand because he gives a lean into the crutches and casually reads a magazine with his leg up.
11:12 – Seth went to get gas a couple weeks ago and asked for $25 on Pump #7. They asked him what kind of gas, and he wanted to sarcastically say “Supreme, with Techron please,” after glancing at his electric blue Plymouth Sundance sitting by Pump #7.
11:48 – Seth tried to buy a cordless phone at Rite-Aid and was flabbergasted that it was $70 and does not work. People informed him that he could’ve gotten a better phone at Best Buy for $23. Seth apologizes to Sean Hayes and Jack McFarland, who were behind the counter at Rite-Aid, because he was too busy screaming to make any sense. Jah wishes he could’ve been there, because he hasn’t had a good public outburst in a while (Episode 194, 54:42).
26:39 – Jah basically doesn’t have television still but he has a television. He has a Vizio TV that has apps loaded in it. He plugs it into his wall, turns the power on, goes to the network settings and connects it to his wireless computer. He can watch Netflix, Hulu, Facebook and Twitter. He can hook up keyboards and everything else. Jah later says (43:37) that after not having a TV in his house for two years, he is amazed by the number of hours he sits in front of his internet TV.
32:56 – Seth revisits his correspondence from the lovely people at “It Is Written” (Episode 251, 8:43). His friend Muriel Hrbek, who had left Seth every possible way of getting in touch with Seth, follows up: “Dear Friend, I recently sent you a letter with an invitation to complete the Search for Certainty Bible study series, or to start the series anew if you no longer have a copy of the first lesson. Unfortunately, it seems that the phone number I included with that letter is incorrect. You will find my updated contact information below. If I may be of any assistance, please don’t hesitate to contact me. May God bless you and your family this year. Yours in Christ, Muriel.” Seth called one of the numbers to let her know he was still in the mix, couldn’t get through, but now he’s relieved to know he’s OK.
35:54 – Friend of the show Zach – Turquoise Wisdom, who DJed the live shows UYD did in Santa Monica – confessed to Jah that he has a problem that he falls prey to automatically choosing whatever it is the drive-through workers ask him if he wants a specific new menu item. He says not only is it embarrassing for him because people in the car are grossed out, but also the employees are so used to people saying “no” that it doesn’t register to them when he simply says “yes.” Jah declares that the new Frito Burrito at Taco Bell is no joke, but you have to eat it while it’s hot, because when it’s cold it’s shameful. Seth then impersonates Jah with a creepy voice: “Don’t bother me, I’m VEGAN!”
44:46 – Seth got a lovely voicemail from a lady with a newborn son who has a habit of listening to UYD with earbuds in her ear while she’s breastfeeding. Seth thinks that’s when it all came into focus for him.
49:03 – Jah’s dinner last night was awesome. His girlfriend, Geneva’s, mother is in town so he took her to a restaurant called Hal’s Bar and Grill on the East Side. They got both Elijah Wood and Lindsay Lohan in there. There were 50 photographers around Li-Lo and she walks in with a crew that looked like second-rate Italian underwear models. She’s the only girl in the click among dudes with shaved heads and leather bomber jackets. Jah processes that some of them have to be bodyguards but certainly not all of them. Elijah was there with his girlfriend and no one batted an eye over him once Li-Lo was there.
7:57 – Seth got a 1590 on his SATs. He took it again so he could get a perfect score, and scored a 1590 again. Actually, he can’t remember what he got on them. Jah knows, because he never took the SAT test or prep test. He remembers having friends who did crazy well on them.
28:47 – Jah was told by an ex-girlfriend to always keep tampons under his sink because girls get their periods and they should be accessible.
34:48 – Seth asks Jah the last time he ever had Red Lobster. Jah says he was 14. He never actually had lobster. 35:09 – Seth’s friend Peter Martelucci collected Garbage Pail Kids, and somehow convinced them that they were going to be worth millions (Episode 037, 41:31). Jah then re-tells the story from when he was working at the dog store, and saw a dude carrying stacks of them into a comic store trying to sell them and then shortly later walking back with the same stack of Garbage Pail Kids (Episode 037, 41:07 and Episode 067, 10:27).
35:45 – Jah’s dad had a problem with being convinced things were going to be worth a lot of money and then they turned into nothing. He had bought a bunch of rare soap and stored it in the garage for a while.
37:48 – Seth doesn’t go too in-depth about Megan, a contestant on a new reality show on Syfy who he used to work with. But he does tell one story. She was going to Starbucks for a few people at work and a guy they worked with asked for a “Black Eye.” She replied, “A Black Guy?” The co-worker attempted to correct her but Seth cut him off, saying “Yes,” because there is an African American gentleman who works at the Starbucks down the street. They all breathlessly stood there waiting for her to come back with the coffees. She turned the corner with a shocked look on her face, as if to say, “How could you do this?!”
39:52 – Seth was on a computer and when Megan mentioned that there were auditions for this new reality show, he kept up to date with the goings-on of the show. He won’t say exactly how recently he worked with her, but says it was between the start of this show and today.
55:48 – Jah walked into Best Buy today to buy a cable to do this show, and there was only one kiosk selling apparel that he could see in the entire place. All there was was Guns N Roses t-shirts and Metallica t-shirts.
1:05:36 – Jah stole something recently. Seth wants to know how this happened. Jah got upset in a store and felt like he wasn’t being treated very well. He was with his girlfriend and his mother. He checked with his girlfriend to make sure it was OK before doing it. He had asked a couple questions in the store and had been dealt with briskly. They were the only people there, and the woman behind the counter was dealing with some other person who had come in but was not a customer – more like a dealer of some sort. Jah says it was a boutique and not a chain. He took a small ceramic box that cost $12.00. Jah was standing at the counter with cash in hand ready to buy it, saying “Excuse me?!” at the counter, and got fed up and walked out with it. Jah wonders if it’s a violation of his probation, and starts to get a little worried.
1:09:58 – Seth went back to an annual Cinefamily Event, which featured a bunch of “A Very Special Episodes” where shit got dramatic. They kicked off the festivities with a Boy Meets World episode called “Cult Fiction,” aired April 25, 1997, where Shawn joins a cult. It was one of the finest episodes of television – it had more to say in 22 minutes than most shows say in an entire season.
1:11:43 – Jonathan has a back injury to go with Seth’s knee injury (Episode 253, 11:01). Jah has a pain in between his shoulder blades that is absolutely killer.
14:26 – Jonathan doesn’t even know if he’s going to watch the Super Bowl. He’s still bummed about his Chiefs not making it. He used to go to Disney Land every Super Bowl Sunday with his mom because he didn’t care about the game. It was super uncrowded because no one would go.
24:13 – The last time Seth stayed in a hotel was that one night in Brooklyn in October. He didn’t watch porn, but instead sat and reflected on his friendship with Jonathan. He didn’t sleep that night, he just looked out the window at the Empire State Building. He felt like Jay-Z.
25:01 – Jah’s parents are in NYC right now. His mom says it’s wicked cold and is asking Jah to send her stuff from their house that will help her warm up.
28:09 – Seth asks Jah how he lost his virginity. Jah says he was 12 years old and it was on the beach in Hawaii. Seth desperately asks someone in the UYD listening audience to paint that scene. Jah then admits it wasn’t to fruition and wants to know if it still counts. Seth says no, that he has to consummate it. Jah says the girl was older and not a virgin.
1:00:04 – Jah and Amir’s band, Jogger, has a new video out for their song “Nephicide.” Jah and Amir have a very brief kiss at the end of the video, and Amir has had gay couples e-mailing him and saying they love it. Reading through the comments, Jah’s favorite one was “At first I was like, ‘Fuck yeah!’ Then I was like, ‘Uggghhh, faggots.’”
9:09 – Seth got Jonathan a book that really isn’t a book. Jah thinks he’s reading but he’s not. It’s called The Book of Useless Information, which is filled with pretty awesome shit. One factoid Seth pulled from it: “Cleveland” spelled backward is DNA – Level C. Another – the first toilet seen on TV was seen in Leave It To Beaver.
22:55 – Now that he’s started again, Jah can’t stop watching television. He’s in a hole. He’s already in the mode where he finds himself watching it when he doesn’t even want to be watching it.
33:15 – Jah knows a girl who walked in on her boyfriend. She went to the back door – a glass door that goes into the bedroom – and the dude was fully getting blown by a girl when his girlfriend turned the corner and it was right in front of her.
49:15 – Seth’s father used to go to the beach at Plum Island, sit in a little chair and put on Bain de Soleil to attract more rays and stay there the whole day. Seth said he looked like a million bucks next to his friend Bruce Merrell (Episode 077, 43:24) – they were both brown.
57:22 – Seth looked so good driving his Dodge Caliber rental car. It had a GPS in it but Seth doesn’t use that stuff. He looks up stuff on Mapquest at home and then hand-writes out the directions.
57:50 – Jonathan got lost on New Year’s Eve. Seth was inside of a wonderful house party with L.A. hipsters enjoying himself thoroughly. Seth was wondering where J-dawg was because everyone there Seth knew through J-dawg. At 12:04 a.m., Jah and Geneva came in the door fighting. Seth made it from Pallyhouse in West Hollywood to the party in Echo Park in 16 minutes, thanks to Mapquest.
1:00:22 – Jonathan has lost a car in a parking structure before. Seth has managed to not have a lot of inconvenient stuff happen to him. If he ever walked out of a place and couldn’t find his car, he’d probably check into a hospital. J-dawg thinks this is because Seth puts the time in ahead of the game. Seth finds life barely bearable as is, and his life is about 81% pre-production at this point. Seth is literally doing pre-pro half of his day but he knows people who couldn’t do pre-pro on a bet. He wants to know how they manage to live their lives like this.
1:04:45 – Jah had an ingrown toenail removed and they didn’t put him under. They numbed the shit out of it and he watched it and it was very bloody. It was a gory experience on his big toe. He was totally fine about it, but he did think about the fact that it was an ingrown. If they would’ve been up in his shit and reconnecting tendons, it would have given him a panic attack.
1:05:22 – Jah’s mom had a C-section and was kept conscious for that. The doctor pulled the sheet back to show her a problem, and she looked down to see her own intestines on a table next to her body.
1:06:01 – Seth has to have surgery on his knee and he’s struggling with the idea of why he has to go under to have the operation completed.
1:07:59 – Seth was listening to Kevin and Bean on KROQ and they were doing a fake thing about where all the superheros are not American because they cast a Brit in The Cape, and they said “We have somebody on the phone from AAA – Americans for American Americans…” Seth was drinking his Starbucks, driving down Beverly and getting pissed off that they jacked UYD’s steez.
21:39 – This is probably the best time for Seth to come clean. There’s been a lot of talk about his knee and impending surgery. He admits that he’s getting a nose job, and it’s all been an elaborate ruse and façade to try to trick listeners. He did not strain his knee doing basic yoga principles or any Jack Lalanne-inspired military squats. He has hated his nose since he was a boy, and he has finally found the courage to take the necessary steps to remedy it. When he came walking down the hallway holding a bag of his own piss, the building he was in in Beverly Hills featured every single office as a facial reconstructive surgery place. He got on the elevator and there were 3 different women, then he got off the elevator and there were girls walking down the hallway – all of them with crazy black eyes and bandaged faces. Seriously though, he is getting surgery this week and he wants everybody to think good thoughts for him. He wants to see if they can do it with no anesthesia.
25:06 – Seth had to do Catholic confession one time. Jonathan used to do confession even though he wasn’t baptized, but they wouldn’t let him take communion. All of Jah’s friends in school were altar boys. Jah’s sins that he confessed were always about beating off. Seth’s salty language is what did it for him. He had a summer where all he did was go up to people’s cars and take off the caps that covered their tire air pumps, and he would have shopping bags filled with them.
29:27 – All Seth hears all day is people talking about having been to Subway, currently while he’s talking to them eating a Subway sandwich or going there later in the day. Jonathan says it’s the same situation for him. Jah thinks it’s a pretty solid joint if you get a clean one where the people working there aren’t disgusting.
42:58 – Jah is a late-night person who is often out walking his dogs at night. He sees delivery contractors in their makeshift mail trucks around Santa Monica. Sometimes he’ll see 1989 Chevy vans with a Mexican dude in it and his wife and 17-year-old son in the back. He’ll also see creepy white dudes who clearly live down by the docks and have no teeth. It happens during an hour, where, if Jah were to open his door and this man was coming toward him, the first thing that would come to Jah’s mind is, ‘You have to beat this dude until he stops moving because he’s going to kill you.’
49:40 – Jah saw his first Starbucks Trenta the other day. You can fit a whole bottle of wine inside of one, so Jah envisions a lot of homeless guys claiming it’s raspberry iced tea.
57:07 – Seth admits he got a massage during halftime of the Super Bowl. He was in Bel-Air with Clint Eastwood and he got a Kabbalah massage during halftime of the Super Bowl game.
1:03:56 – The next time we speak, Seth will have a new knee. It will be the whole new Seth. Seth’s not looking forward to the rehab, however.
2:40 – Seth did not go under anesthesia for his knee surgery. He’s set a new precedent for operations that he’s calling the “Telli Rule,” where you only go under if it involves an organ. Seth also turned down the recommended dose of Vicodin. Seth got home from surgery, laid down on his sofa, set his laptop computer on his chest, and watched the eight lost Joey episodes sent to him by a friend/listener. Seth watched repeats that aired on TV2 in Norway – the country’s largest television station. He watched the episodes in English with Norweigan subtitles.
13:52 – Seth has a recurring nightmare in which he wakes up and sneezes in the middle of the night. There are a few seconds of silence, then he hears a man’s voice say, “God bless you” in the middle of his dark bedroom.
21:05 – The last time Seth saw a street prostitute was on the track on Sepulveda when he used to work in the Valley. When he first moved to L.A., Western was a track. Jah says Sunset was a track when he was working on it. Jah recalls the hookers used to dip into the music store and act like they were shopping whenever cops would roll by.
29:16 – Jonathan has met Heidi Fleiss. They met on an elevator in Hollywood at a building Jah used to have a recording studio in. Jah’s father was there as well. Heidi’s father was J-dawg’s pediatrician (Seth wants to know that Heidi Fleiss’ father has touched Jah’s penis. Jah confirms). He was a great doctor whom Jah’s brother went to as well. J-dawg’s dad told Heidi, “Your father was my son’s pediatrician growing up.” Heidi looked at Jah and said, “That’s why he’s such a healthy young man,” then smiled and got into the elevator.
44:39 – Jah doesn’t have many recurring dreams that he remembers. He had quite a few when he was a kid. He knows a lot of people who have recurring nightmares. When Seth was a kid, he had a weird dream. There were 13 steps that went from his top floor to the second floor. He would wake up and his mother would be standing at the sink doing dishes and he would get up, walk past their bedroom, look in and see something coming at him. He would jump all 13 steps, land, run into the kitchen, and when he looked back he could see the figure walking down the stairs. He would go to his mother and tug on her and she didn’t notice and kept doing the dishes until Seth looked back and saw the figure turning the corner and entering the kitchen.
46:12 – Seth thought of something funny during the surgery and thought he should say it, but thought better of it. When they wheeled him in, Tupac’s “I Get Around” was playing and he was wondering if that was going to be happening. They asked him if they should change it and he said no. Seth meant to say a great funny thing because he thought the surgery was going to be recorded so he had them say “Uhh Yeah Dude for life” and other things like “Mr. Steal Your Girl getting a knee surgery.”
50:43 – Jah remembers he owned the first Korn record when it came out.
1:01:10 – Jah’s mom had medical records sold to the National Enquirer when she was in the hospital giving birth to Jah’s brother, Ben. Reports directly from the hospital were saying that she had breast cancer.
8:16 – Jah has broken California law by eating an orange in the bath before.
21:56 – In reference to Seth’s segment on dreams last week (Episode 259, 44:39), Jah says he had a bizarre recurring thing when he was a kid where he would wake up from a dream, and somehow from being in that dream state, upon waking up he would know his parents were downstairs and would go to the top of the stairs, sit and listen to them talk. He would be literally paralyzed from going downstairs because he was convinced that they removed their faces when he went to bed at night, and similar to the TV show V they had “meat faces.” He couldn’t bear to see them like that so he stayed upstairs in his conscious state where the reality from his dream had crystallized.
23:50 – When Jah was very young, he went to visit his sister’s grandparents. His sister is his mother’s child and not his father’s, biologically speaking. Her father passed away but J-dawg’s mom and she stayed very close with his parents. When Jah was a kid, he would go up and stay with them because he had a grandmother in England and one in New Orleans, but no grandfathers – so hers was the only grandfather figure he had as a kid. They would go visit them in Eugene, Ore., every so often. Unbeknownst to Jah at the time, his sister’s grandmother was going through chemotherapy and he had no idea she wore a wig. One morning he woke up and walked down, and saw her with a crazy old lady bald patchy chemo head, and it was so skeletal that Jonathan freaked out about it.
52:11 – Jah ran into an old friend today who he hadn’t seen in so long. He has a son and the kid is now 14. The last time he saw the kid he was about 4 years old. He wanted Jah to come with him to drop off lacrosse equipment for his son. Jah got in the car and they drove there. His son comes up and it freaked Jah out to see a fully-grown pimply faced teen. The dad has an open dialogue with the kid about sex, and he told Jah that he doesn’t seem to actually be that interested. Jah said that the novelty for kids coming up nowadays has been removed, and it’s almost time for another wave of gentility to come around. Jah would love to see an internet generation of pseudo-Quakers come around.
59:43 – Jah remembers smoking on a transcontinental flight circa 1990 on a flight to England. He remembers getting looks from people who were annoyed that he wanted to get his smoke on.
3:43 – Seth ran a bath, lit some votives and reflected on where he’s been. He curled up with Sarah Brokaw’s new book, “Fortytude: Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life, Through the 40s, 50s and Beyond.” Seth slowly slid into the tub and tried to inhale as much water as possible before his body forced him out.
4:45 – Jah stares at people all the time. Amir calls him “Stare Bug” because of this inquisitive habit that he has. He’s also slightly paranoid and has a fear of missing something, so he gets a little transfixed with looking at people. His girlfriend commented the other day because Jonathan was looking at a table at the deli with his whole body turned toward them, and she had to say, “Jonathan!” to get his attention. She watched as he would agree with things that were said at their table and nodding in agreement as his facial expressions changed.
7:40 – Jah watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind last night. He said it was pretty epic still. Seth, in turn, watched Hall Pass.
11:35 – Seth received some reponses from women about “Peeping Tonyas,” regarding what would cause them to be sexually aroused watching from afar. The No. 1 response seemed to be men having a solo session by themselves, not while watching porn and being crazy perved out. Jah seemed to get quite a few responses from ladies saying they enjoyed man being “manly,” doing construction or yardwork, etc. It made Jah feel a little self-conscious because he’s not very handy and the best he can do is put an Ikea desk together.
17:10 – Jah admits to Seth that he likes Cheladas. He says it takes drinking about eight of them before he can develop a taste for it. In a market on the west side they sell Styrofoam cups covered in cellophane and they’re 85 cents. They’re covered in the cayenne pepper, salt mixture, etc., and you get a beer separately to pour into it. Jah wishes Seth could have a Chelada because he thinks he might like it. He says the bad part is that it has Clamato in it (Episode 084, 4:25), but the first one or two are the only ones that taste clammy.
25:33 – When Seth was at The Grove seeing Hall Pass, he walked in and some cameras were filming with Mario Lopez there. He just punched himself and kept walking.
34:43 – Just to recap, Seth doesn’t have a cell phone or an e-mail address. Jah explains that there are a lot of people who are bored, and they utilize that boredom by putting misinformation out in the world as opposed to checking their facts. The same amount of time it would take for you to poorly answer a question within the community, it takes you to run for 3 weeks with false information. Seth also explains that he can’t call out of the country because the people in Montreal, Mexico City and London wanted some return correspondence and it’s outside of Seth’s technological capabilities. He has some type of block on the phone that he can’t call outside of the U.S. … Jah said another rumor started this week that the show was ending in two weeks.
39:09 – A guy called the UYD voicemail and claimed that he had never seen a female peeping tom, but what about a female arsonist? Because male firemen come to put out the fire and it’s an erotic calendar of awesomeness.
3:32 – Seth isn’t sure how many miles he averages per day driving his Sundance, but he says he will try to calculate that and get back to Jah. Seth is still perplexed by cars having computers in them because he rolls his window up himself.
5:08 – Jah can’t drive a stick shift. He can’t tie a bow tie either, although he can tie a regular tie because he went to a private school that required them for assemblies.
5:48 – Jah is curious about Seth’s gas mileage because his is crazy – it averages 12-14 gallons. It’s an older SUV and he spends all his money on food, coffee and gas – thinks that make him go.
11:20 – Jah talks about going to a bachelor party in Las Vegas years ago (Episode 252, 48:00). He lost a good chunk of money on his way there when they stopped for gas at the state line. While somebody was getting gas and a snack, Jah ran into the casino and managed to lose over $1,000 after being there just a few minutes. He lost the rest of his money the first night he got to Vegas and then was basically flat-out broke. A couple other people at the bachelor party were also broke and so they came up with an idea to play Bingo at the Gold Coast Casino, where it’s only $7 a game and you can win quite a bit of money. They got there and there were all these old people with computers called TEDS, which allow you to play up to 40 games at once and so your odds of winning rise exponentially. Jah won $500 back from playing Bingo.
17:25 – The only time Jah ever saw Stevie Wonder was at an NAACP fundraiser at the Wiltern. They hadn’t raised as much money as they thought going in, so he announced that there would be buckets going around and played a money-raising medley and all of a sudden Jah saw crazy cash being thrown into these buckets. Seth saw Stevie at Stand Up To Cancer when Stevie was on a golf cart.
18:11 – Jah was at a bar this week, standing and waiting for an alcoholic beverage – probably a Stoli and pineapple. There was a giant television behind the bar above the booze, and Blade Runner was on. There was a guy in front of him who was maybe in his early 20s, and he was watching the scene and asked the bartender what movie it was. The bartender, Jack, replies, “Blade Runner, you know, 1982.” The guy replies, “Yeah, little before my time.” Jack says, “Yeah it’s a good movie, I think it grows on you after a while.” Guy replies, “Yeah yeah yeah, a cult classic,” as Harrison Ford walks across the screen.
27:49 – Seth received a family radio pamphlet that is telling him the end of the world is happening May 21, except it says “Spring Issue 2011.” Seth thinks it should say “Final Issue.”
28:37 – The same night J-dawg met his cult classic homeboy, he met a traveler/shaman who had just returned from seeing his kids in Hawaii. He talked about how he got his wife pregnant when they were living in northern California, etc. He’s originally from the East Coast so he travels a lot. He started talking about sacred geometry and shows Jah what he’s been writing and his 9-day calendar. He said “They talk about 2012, are you kidding me? Good luck getting through this summer.”
46:26 – Jah’s dad would always say “Cut another finger, mommy” to Jonathan when he was being all gimme-gimme. It stemmed from a mother and daughter who were trapped under an apartment building for a long time following an earthquake and she started letting the daughter feed off the blood in her finger. After a while the finger died, so the daughter said “Cut another finger, mommy.”
51:09 – Jah sees Paula Poundstone once a week because they shop in the same market. Jah also wonders if other people say “market” or “grocery store.” Jah said Paula is always wearing suspenders while being with five of her multiple kids.
55:05 – Jah has been speaking with a friend about a brief but somewhat intense interaction he had with a girl recently. She’s brand-new to LA with a new place and new car and new job. Things were totally great for 48 hours, then he got a wishy-washy text and she dropped off the face of the earth. The tailspin he went into was based on nothing other than communication outside of the realm of one-on-one communication.
2:17 – Jonathan can not stop getting recognized on the street. This show is making him so famous. He is so popular and everybody recognizes him everywhere he goes.
3:10 – Seth was in Larchmont and the Girl Scouts were getting aggressive with their tactics.
29:11 – Seth thinks the first music he purchased was “I’m Bad” by LL Cool J. He thinks he may have purchased it as a cassette single at Sam Goody. Jah remembers he bought “Our House” by Madness on a 7-inch vinyl. The first CD he ever bought was Slayer’s South of Heaven.
35:15 – Seth found one Blockbuster on La Brea and Wilshire. Each individual store says “Store Closing – just this location.”
46:39 – Somebody told Jah this week that many, many episodes ago, they decided they were going to quit at Episode 262. Seth assumes this must have been agreed upon during Episode 131 (57:20).
55:10 – Jah circles back to the story of his arrest last year. The only other time he was arrested was when he was a minor. Seth remembers trying to find the edition of The National Enquirer that featured Jonathan in it for one of J-dawg’s birthday, but the Enquirer building had to be cleared out of all its archives during an anthrax scare (Episode 035, 18:14; and Episode 110, 52:09). When he was arrested, the officer asked him if he’d ever been arrested before. Jah said no, but everyone else he was booked with was arrested. Jah could see the disbelief in the officer’s eyes when he answered that way, but then he moved on.
56:40 – During the anthrax scare, Seth’s friend Sam Ball sent Seth a small package that contained only an Anthrax CD (Episode 057, 47:21).
1:06:12 – Jah thinks his friend Dimitri got a tattoo of the Fibonacci Sequence on his arm today because he’s at South by Southwest and there are free tattoos.
1:12:32 – Seth still owns a fax machine. Jah thinks this is because Seth used to be an actor and used to have sides faxed to him. Except Seth says he read the sides and didn’t get work, except for one little movie called Crossroads. Seth and Jah then discuss Britney Spears coming out with a new album.
17:39 – Jonathan never met Tommy Hilfiger, but he met his brother who was running a lot of the business at that time. He met him in New York City with his dad when they were brought to the factory headquarters. Jah thinks his dad was in town doing SNL. They both got some gear. Jah doesn’t remember how exactly it transpired, but he wound up later on in life when he was stretching out his earlobes and he went to the Beverly Hills Tommy Hilfiger store about 15 years ago. He reintroduced himself to Tommy’s brother, who saw Jah’s plugs and asked him what was going on. There were some cute girls on the floor, and he called them over to stand in a semicircle and look at J-dawg’s ears. One of them was like “Eww!” and another asked him, “Why did you do that?!” Jonathan was uncomfortable.
23:05 – Seth has a Universal Studios annual pass from when he saw King Kong, which is coming up on its one-year anniversary (Episode 229, 40:48). He can’t believe he got duped.
27:51 – Seth wants to know how the cigarette companies wooed him. Jah says his first cigarette was a Camel unfiltered cigarette, thanks to his old man.
33:39 – Jah remembers talking to his friend Nate, whose dad is from Michigan and his dad was a working class auto worker – just like everyone else in his town. He lives out here in LA now and manages a store, and the amount of money it cost him to deal with his wife’s sickness before she died, plus her funeral, cleaned him out and forced him to work until his body is breaking down to die.
41:13 – In 2004, Jonathan performed “Sweet Child Of Mine” at a packed karaoke bar in Burbank, Calif., called Dimples, and the place exploded. Seth witnessed it firsthand as Jah pulled some snake-like serpentine Axl Rose moves. J-dawg then admits he performed the same song at Drew Barrymore and Tom Green’s wedding in Malibu. Jonathan came on stage right after Jared Leto and Courtney Love performed a song together that was a complete train wreck. Seth tries to figure out which other celebrities were in attendance. Jonathan remembers Courtney Love heckling Tom Green during his awkward speech.
50:40 – Jah drank an Irish Car Bomb on St. Patty’s Day. He only drank one.
45:24 – Jah was looking at some families the other day at a place he’s not going to mention, and when he looks at some dads now he realize that dads are wearing Famous Stars and Straps shirts and crazy True Religion jeans.
51:28 – Seth had lice once when he was a little kid at a baseball practice. His mom said she saw him take off the baseball helmet and start scratching his hair profusely. There was another kid on his team that had lice and gave it to him through shared helmets. Jonathan also had lice from going to a weird Scientology pre-school to a weird Montessori school and interacting with the kids there (Episode 039, 39:35; Episode 132, 52:49; and Episode 142, 52:19).
53:00 – Jonathan would estimate that he washes his hands 10 times a day. He deals with dogs and their food. Jah brushes his teeth twice a day but doesn’t floss.
54:15 – J-dawg has to get a root canal on one of his teeth and has to get a crown put in the front of his mouth.
59:50 – Jah and Seth always talk about blind or deaf, and J-dawg happened to be watching a documentary called Sound and Fury about deaf children who get cochlear implants. The two brothers have a recessive gene in their family and have children who are also deaf. The other brother hears but his wife grew up in a deaf family and can hear, but their child is born with the same disease. The deaf parents decide against putting a cochlear implant in their kid and keeping him in the deaf world, while the other couple almost gets excommunicated from the deaf community for deciding to give their child a cochlear implant. Through watching this doc, Jonathan realized that he has an aversion to any medical devices/add-ons to the body that have a flesh-toned color to them – they immediately make him queasy. Something about the color seriously bothers him.
11:10 – Jonathan had a conversation with Richard Grieco when he worked at a dog store back in the day. Grieco did every Nissan voiceover for the last 10 years, which surprised Jonathan.
12:58 – Listeners have already come up to Jonathan and Seth at the live show and said “I don’t mean this to sound creepy or anything, but I already drove by the studio.”
13:08 – Seth walked out of his apartment and found a flyer on his car: WE BUY JUNK CARS. IN ANY CONDITION. CRASHED, BURNED IN ANY AREA. WE PAY $150-800 DEPENDING ON THE YEAR. Seth did the math and figured 18-year-olds were laughing at him with that ride, but then imagined they will be driving 2013 clunkers 20 years from now and people will be laughing at them.
17:25 – Jah and his girlfriend were in the middle of a transaction at the outlet malls buying clothes at Saks 5th Off. He’s wearing a pair of the white Versaces he bought there. When they called Wells Fargo to figure out what was going on, the guy on the other end was explaining that the entire debit system disappeared.
22:19 – Seth had dinner at the Saddle Ranch Chop House before he went to a bachelor party at the Hyatt House he went to.
24:58 – Jah has eaten a squirrel. He did it in survival camp. He shot one with a .22 rifle and cooked it and ate it. The only other time he killed vermin was when he went on a faux hunting trip with his dad to shoot prairie dogs (Episode 141, 56:42). When he would shoot them, they would just explode into a red mist. The “Red Mist Club” was for crack shots who could explode a prairie dog from 500 yards. Jah didn’t eat meat for about 14 years after that.
32:35 – Jah asks if the people who got into a car accident on the way to the live show are there right now. They are, which J-dawg thinks is awesome.
35:10 – Jah went to a Cocaine Anonymous Convention in Palm Springs once. It was the worst.
46:16 – Seth had to use a different microphone tonight, which made him uncomfortable
46:52 – Seth and Jonathan’s efforts to get female listeners to call in and report on their “dirty fantasies” with male masseuses and wanting to get happy endings (Episode 265, 34:50) were unsuccessful. Most girls called in to the UYD voicemail saying that dudes are the worst which is why they’re into that sort of thing.
54:05 – Jah thinks it worked out oddly with he and Seth. Seth used to be a dirty ass drunk and Jah knew him when he was like that. He thought he was going to die. Jah was mad sober back then and now he’s sort of a dirty ass drunk. He loves his beers now.
58:02 – Jah went to Knott’s Berry Farm and he hadn’t been to a theme park or roller coaster since he was 13 or 14 years old. He went with his girlfriend and two other friends of theirs. He was completely petrified to get on a roller coaster. He thought it would either be fine or triple worst. There were times when it was both – he realized it wasn’t scary anymore and also that he could possibly die. Toward the end of the day it was dying down and they decided to ride a coaster they had already been on once. At the front of the line he sees a gingy dude wearing an Antoine Dodson t-shirt and his girlfriend, a huge girl. The coaster track is above them and the car comes around, and the harness is one that comes over top of your head. Jah looks at this girl and thinks there’s no way she’s going to fit in the restraint. She attempts to get in and her boyfriend tries to buckle her harness, and there’s a huge gap of time. All of a sudden the chatter died down and it was dead silent. Every single person is looking at her with horror. It was one of the most uncomfortable situations he had ever been in. She didn’t get in that car but they had one made for fatties on the other side that she got into. At no point did J-dawg ever see any embarrassment or acknowledgment on the girl’s face of what was going on.
1:10:25 – Jah wants to talk to us about the gayest experience he’s ever had. This recently came into his mind this week and he began thinking about it in a way that he hadn’t in a while. He worked at a body piercing shop when he was 18 years old. He became friends with a guy who had long hair and was a very successful body piercer. Jah had just turned 18 years old and this guy was in his late 20s. They had several things in common – including both having dicks and listening to techno music. They hung out for a month or two casually, and he had expressed to Jah that he was a fruit. Jah replied that he had made out with another dude in high school but that was about it – he was completely straight. Jonathan was at his house one time, and there was ongoing banter about gay topics. He would always explain to him that he wasn’t into dudes. Through some sequence of events and shifty talk, Jah winds up – in order to try to prove the non-gayness – to cuddle with him in a bed for a certain length of time. The guy was wearing sweatpants. Whenever this shitty 10-minute spooning event was over, J-dawg felt awkward and went to get up, and when the guy got up, he had the biggest boner J-dawg had ever seen. It was just about the last time Jonathan ever saw him or talked to him. He realized after he started recounting the story that this guy was never his friend. He was a person who wanted to turn Jah out at 18 years old and he preyed on him. He wound up jerking off a friend of Jonathan’s who wasn’t gay either. Jah realizes after an audience member uses the term that he got “gay grifted.”
15:06 – Seth was in Whole Foods and saw Marilu Henner (Episode 251, 51:09). He approached her and spun around her carriage, saying “Let’s test that super memory. Where’d we meet?” He wonders if she remembered seeing him at LAX. He gives her a hint that they were discussing food and it’s a place you can’t really get food. It then hits her and she says, “It was the airport. We were discussing soup.” At that time she was headed to San Francisco to do a live show.
20:33 – Jah’s dad is from New Orleans and they get updates from family and relatives fairly often about what the city’s like post-Hurricane Katrina. Since Katrina, the city has become overrun with feral chickens. There are no more stray dogs wandering the neighborhoods. The chickens descended from domesticated fowl that escaped from backyard coops during or after the storm.
31:51 – Jah doesn’t know if this is telling because of his current life state or psychology or if it has something to do with the world, but Jonathan has not heard the new Radiohead record.
42:42 – Jah didn’t understand Eric Bana’s accent in Hanna when he went to see it this week. He thinks it might be German.
56:14 – Jah was going through a photo blog on Rolling Stone when he was reading the UYD fluff piece, and there were 20 pictures of Kurt Cobain that were never really seen before. There was a picture of him in an apartment on his stomach with socks on living in Hollywood. On the table, there’s industry music mags with Def Leppard on the cover. It reminded J-dawg that Nirvana changed everything and wiped away all the old shit bands from the 80s.
1:00:12 – Seth was super nervous during the live Episode 266. As an example of how nervous he was, they were talking about Thai lady boys and all he wanted to do was make a Pete Townshend reference and couldn’t do it because he was so jittery up there. Jah understands and says you take everything you know and imagine that cut in half – that’s where your brain functions are at when you get into a situation like that.
4:20 – Jah talks bout Pavilions and Vons grocers, who have the most colorful cross-section of employees. They both have a strong mental handicapped program, and Jah frequently sees bag boys with Down’s syndrome. Jah thinks they also have a strong outpatient program where people are just getting off their feet and out of a halfway house. Jah hangs out in those stores much longer than he needs to.
7:48 – Jah didn’t realize that Pete Postlethwaite has been dead since January. The last time Jah was in London he had a very brief interaction with him. Jah was walking through a construction site and had to step aside for Pete to pass by him. He didn’t realize it was him until he was right in his face. In Jah’s typical style, he just says the guy’s name when he’s right in his face: “PETE POSTLETHWAITE.” (Episode 110, 19:20; Episode 133, 8:47)
15:43 – Jah went to Coachella. He didn’t rough it. He partied pretty well.
18:36 – One time Seth had to sleep over at his grandmother’s house, and the movie American Gigolo was on. There was a scene where the dude was hanging upside down and doing sit-ups and it really weirded Seth out.
21:02 – Jah announces that he is no longer on probation. It answered yesterday, on 4/20 – the same date that Seth got sober.
21:46 – Seth received some literature in the mail called “Hercolubus” or “Red Planet.” According to V.M. Rabolu, this is some realness. “What I am affirming in this book is a prophecy that will be fulfilled very shortly because I am certain about the end of the planet. I know it. I am not frightening, but warning, because I am distressed about this poor humanity. These events will not be long in coming and there is no time to waste with illusory things. So I have written this book with great sacrifice lying in bed, unable to stand or to sit up. But seeing the need to warn humanity of the coming catastsrophe, I made a great effort. I dedicate this message to humanity as a last resort because there is nothing else.”
25:25 – Jah went out last night and a girl that was out with them said she kept smelling weed everywhere, then she finally realized it was 4/20. Even J-dawg hadn’t realized it was 4/20. He guesses it’s still important to some people. Seth thinks they should have a cocaine holiday and just call it “Christmas.”
28:09 – Jah was once a young, sober 17- or 18-year-old teenager and was asked to speak at a panel to share his experience. He was flanked by two other speakers on the panel. It was David Crosby on his right and Rob Lowe on his left. Jah doesn’t even remember what he said but he remembers looking around and thinking, “What the fuck am I doing here?” Being a bored sober person at the time, Jah had gotten into Cuban cigars. Lowe was a Cuban cigar guy himself, so he remembers chatting to him about Cohibas.
45:25 – Jonathan saw Jackson Browne perform “Running on Empty” at the Black-Eyed Peas Grammy party he went to earlier this year. Then Cali Swag came out and performed “Teach Me How to Dougie.” Jah declares that it was a crazy party.
57:13 – Jah almost got turned away the last time he went through a border patrol checkpoint in Canada. He didn’t have the proper paperwork to show that he was on an unrestricted probation and was allowed to travel. They were brutal with him and he was there for hours trying to work through it. He also had the best question he’s ever been asked, coming back into America, the border patrol guy asked, “Is there any medical marijuana in the car?” Everyone answered no, then his next question was, “Any regular marijuana?” Everyone fell out laughing, which was almost a tell anyway, but the guy was dead serious when asking those questions.
1:01:01 – Jonathan and Seth saw 2 Fast 2 Furious together at Universal Citywalk, and Jah wonders if they could see Fast 5 there together as well. Seth reminds Jonathan that on that day, a coked-up pilot flying a small engine plane crashed into an apartment complex on Melrose and Fairfax next to Fairfax High School and killed everyone on the plane. Jonathan’s dear friend Jessica was on board (Episode 162, 39:47).
1:03:14 – Jonathan and Seth saw Minority Report in the theater. Someone stood up and shouted “Shame on you, Spielberg!” before walking out (Episode 051, 36:35; Episode 129, 15:42; and Episode 149, 11:10).
6:39 – Jah wonders if he told the story about being at the Ivy when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes showed up for a brief meal and Jah’s mom got hammered (Episode 093, 22:21).
34:35 – Seth was at Whole Foods and didn’t see the customer communication cards posted up. He asked the manager about it and the manager didn’t think they had them any more. He told Seth there was a card last year that said, “Why do you insist on playing that Mexican music so loud for everyone in the store to hear?” The response was, “It’s Cinco de Mayo.”
34:40 – Jah’s girlfriend, last night, talking about Cinco de Mayo, said, “Hasn’t Cinco de Mayo already happened?”
43:21 – Jah was at the rave they threw in order to film the end-of-the-world rave in the movie Strange Days. They blocked off 6 city blocks in downtown. They had extras set up in military tanks.
58:48 – Jah has definitely dipped back into the fast food world again since he started eating meat. He admits that there’s something crazy to feeling like that afterwards and having spent $4 because it makes him think this is the way food should be. That’s the only reason Jah thinks you should be able to regulate some of the basic necessities you need to make foods.
2:01 – Jonathan is getting on a red eye and going to the Big Apple (the “Big City”) to see a Tony-nominated actor work his magic on Broadway – Papa Jah. Jonathan is excited to go, now that it’s no longer a parole violation for him to do so.
2:41 – Jonathan is smoking Benson & Hedges 100 Premium cigarettes.
6:07 – Jonathan had a couple of experiences on the night of bin Laden’s death. J-dawg had the information texted to him by a UYD listener before he heard anything else. When he went to verify it, he went to Google and the only place he could find any mention of it were from people’s Twitter accounts. Jah had time to send an inappropriate text to Amir (“I’m sorry for your loss.”) before the news was even carrying the story. Then all of a sudden Jonathan was getting texts from listeners saying they were at Ground Zero wearing their UYD t-shirts. J-dawg wanted to see how pro-America it was getting in Los Angeles, so he and Dimitri chose to go down to their local watering hole, Renee’s, that night. It was an acoustic set kind of night, and every person Jonathan came across in person or on TV was asking if he heard about the news.
14:08 – Seth had a Kyocera cell phone (Episode 012, 34:20) that weighed a pound and a half. He still has it.
20:35 – There’s a guy who listens to UYD named Seth Green, he had a Twitter handle @SethGreen. The actor Seth Green approached him and asked him to give him his Twitter handle, and he hooked him up and Seth Green sent the guy merch. Seth and Jah can’t figure out the movie he was in where he played a hip-hop high schooler (Can’t Hardly Wait).
44:41 – The same week when Jah found out Pete Postlethwaite was dead (Episode 268, 7:48), he came home and Jah’s girlfriend was watching In the Name of the Father, and she talked about how good PP was in it, and she watched him die in the movie and was so bummed.
54:24 – Jah ate at one of his restaurants while he was on tour with Jogger. It was a truck stop kind of town but there was a suburban area with a mini mall where they found his restaurant. The food wasn’t bad – it was a Houston’s vibe with decadent American food.
57:06 – Seth saw Jon Hamm’s girlfriend in Larchmont walking with her friend, and Seth went loco. He also saw Matthew Weiner, the creator of Mad Men, in Larchmont, then saw Vincent Kartheiser and Jessica Paré – Don Draper’s new wife that he married the last episode of Season 4.
1:01:53 – When Seth was a kid, he got on Jay Frasca’s (sp?) (Episode 017, 54:07) back and jumped and then he broke his wrist. His mom grabbed him in the supermarket and he screamed because his wrist was broken.
1:02:04 – Jonathan’s brother started walking before he had any verbal skills or any common sense of the physical world. There were a couple months where he was on a tear because he could motor but didn’t understand walls kept him from the next room.
1:06:00 – Jonathan talks about how the desert is crazy. It’s a hot place and you get heat pockets/air pockets. When he used to go to boarding school in Sedona, he would take a little putt-putt plane he would take from Phoenix to Sedona and vice versa. The pockets make you drop suddenly by about 300 feet. Jah says it’s such a horrible feeling – it’s the same feeling people who crash and die feel before they crash and die. The only difference is the pilot gets on the comm. and says “Whoa, sorry about that.” Jah says you can’t drop onto anything tight enough to make the feeling of your body doing that OK. Jah used to get fucked up before he got on those planes so his body was belligerent. It would only be him and like 4 old golfers staring at him.
18:44 – Seth asks Jah how his trip to NYC was, with his Broadway experience. Jah enjoyed his early NYC summer.
44:53 – Jah broke a musical artist to Seth tonight. Her name is Lady. Peep her. J-dawg is a fan, for sure.
47:20 – Jah has a few early memories from his childhood. He doesn’t remember his birth, but he knows people who do. He also knows people who didn’t, but went through rebirthing sessions and claim it brings back that memory of their birth.
48:32 – Seth remembers being 3 years old and looking at the house that he grew up in. He recalls looking at a candy dish. He’s going to tell his mother where it was in their living room and see if she confirms it.
5:07 – One of the last times Seth got shitfaced (Episode 033, 47:22), he had chugged a Boba drink before, and he barfed up 30 boba balls in somebody’s apartment onto a jacket. This reminds Jonathan that Seth once puked up marachino cherries into someone’s bathtub (Episode 033, 48:25).
15:09 – Seth was with a bunch of people and they were playing with an iPad app that takes your photo and shows you what you look like when you’re old. All of them were really funny but they looked bogus. Seth didn’t want his photo to be taken, but he finally got browbeat into it. His picture was so authentically old that it has been terrifying him all week long. He looks sad, he looks tired and it looked real. One person walked backwards out of the room because they were so haunted by it.
33:21 – Jah was standing outside of Starbucks yesterday and was tying his dogs up before he went inside to get coffee. He saw a mother pushing two kids in a stroller. There’s a part of him that feels as though if the kid can talk, he should not be allowed to be in a stroller. As she went by, the kid was yelling “Ohhh, come on! I want Starbucks!” She was too young to want coffee. Jah was in there and noticed they serve mini chocolate lollipops. The barista admitted to J-dawg that they’re for little kids.
45:32 – Jah’s first experience talking to somebody about past lives was when he was a kid at a scientology pre-school. Another SciTi kid there told J-dawg about his past life being an alien slaying monsters in a galactic universe.
57:51 – Jah had a friend in early high school who called him shortly after having dropped LSD and was having a difficult go of it. Jah lived close to him and snuck out of his house and went over to his house. When he got there (Jah had sworn off LSD at this point in his life having had a traumatic experience shortly before), he is lying in his bed, holding his chest and breathing heavily. He tells Jah that there are little crabs in his chest. Jah tells him he’s hallucinating, but he keeps picking at himself. He tells the guy to take off his shirt, and he takes it off and yells “SEE! SEE! I fuckin’ told you man!” Jah asks him if he has any more acid, and so Jah drops with him, and it takes about half an hour to an hour, and trips with him to make it through it together. He said one thing to Jah that stuck with Jah forever: “You look like a crazy mother.” Jah has never shaken that, and on a regular basis looks at himself in the mirror and thinks that.
1:03:07 – Jah watched 8 Mile in its entirety two days ago while doing some shipping of UYD merchandise. Jah also watched Jurassic Park 3 and Independence Day.
5:36 – Jah thinks he built his own pizza online with Amir once.
16:14 – Dimitri is in a state of hard physical training, and he walked Jah into a GNC the other day because he’s looking for a supplement. J-dawg couldn’t believe how much everything cost in there. Everyone was shaved, waxed and tanned. The girls that work there are hustlers. One of them comes over to ask D if he knew what he wanted, and he tells her he’s just browsing. Another guy comes over to ask her for help, and she tells him what he needs. He tells her that he was taking one of the things she recommended, and his doctor told him to stop immediately. She cuts him off and says, “Yeah yeah yeah, I know, the one you were taking, it’s this one – that one shuts your liver down.” One of the products Jah and D looked at was called Ridiculous Pump.
26:04 – Jah’s friend was interviewing for a bigtime job in advertising and was given an assignment in the interview to make a pitch. The proposal was for a beverage company launching a new social network tech-conscious campaign. The three bullet points were 1) 18-26 year olds, 2) Hispanics, 3) U.S. residents only. They basically told the person that this demographic was not brand loyal and the only way to retain them is to have them commit personal information and sign up.
33:36 – Seth is noticing that the kids today are all paranoid and don’t trust anything coming down from the top.
52:15 – Jah lives in a rent-controlled neighborhood, so there’s a lot of mad olds who don’t have any responsibilities and they’re koo-koo beans.
1:01:31 – Jah was just down near Arcadia by Monterey Park. D takes a kung fu class down there and J-dawg went with him. He said it was mental because there were a lot of hispanics and he got off the freeway, made a left and realized it was all Chinese.
1:07:00 – Jah remembers some old crazy dude telling him when he was a kid that Ronald Reagan had the mark of the beast on the back of his neck. Jah’s dad knew some crazy people.
2:12 – Some dude called the UYD voicemail and said he liked the show, but it took him a while. He recommended that Jonathan and Seth explain to the people what it is so they can understand it better.
2:51 – Seth took out his original Bo Jackson cross trainers out of the box that he never opened. He bought them in Methuen, Mass., at size 10 ½ when he was a kid thinking one day he would fit into them.
3:17 – Jonathan remembers getting Nike Revolutions, which people used to get shot for back in the day. He feels like he’s too old to wear sneakers nowadays, however.
4:12 – Jonathan just returned from NYC again. He loves it and there’s a lot of crazy things that happen there. One of the things is that street style and hip-hop culture has permeated the entire infrastructure there to a point where you see dishwashers from a Chinese restaurant with the cleanest pair of Air Maxes on. Jonathan was on a plane on his way back to Los Angeles. He didn’t see any celebrities, but he watched two movies on the flight. He watched Rango and Never Say Never. Jah was totally down with Never Say Never and Bieber’s gentle heart. He had an open seat between himself and the woman in the aisle seat. He put his bag in the window seat and went to the bathroom, and he gets back and the woman is sitting in the aisle seat, and he stands there for a solid minute waiting for the portly lady to get up, and there’s zero response. He finally gets her attention, and she awkwardly apologizes and gets up. About an hour into the movie, Jonathan realizes that his aisle partner is watching the same movie. Then he realizes that she does some ticky things. One of the things consisted of her popping her feet out of her karate-esque shoes, and there seems to be a lot of separation between her toenail and the nailbed. He then starts seeing some hand tics from her, and realizes it’s actually beats from the Bieber songs, and he looks at her and she’s singing along mouthing the lyrics to all his songs. She had to be 45-50 years old. She had very long black hair, and she would pull three strands out and obsessively separate each one, grab another three strands and do the same. It was a 5 ½ hour flight, and she ordered 5 cans of Diet Coke. Each time she would get the cup of ice and the can, but pour the ice into a bigger cup she had and sip out of the fountain cup. She would also mouth the dialogue to television that she hadn’t seen, so she had no idea where she was going with the mouthing. Jonathan also enjoyed watching Rango
16:57 – Jonathan clarifies a story from a couple weeks ago about Seth Green’s Twitter account (Episode 270, 14:08). The UYD listener named Seth Green actually reached out to the real Seth Green to see if he wanted to use his otherwise nonexistent account. The actor Seth Green appreciated the gesture and sent him free swag in return.
33:15 – Right after UYD finished last week’s episode, Seth received mail from Family Life Radio. It was the Family Radio Scripture of the Week, which covered the Summer of 2011 all the way through to October. It was printed pre-rapture.
38:43 – Dimitri tried to get Jonathan to go a topless steakhouse/strip joint in Portland. The guy who owns it also owns a crazy organic beef ranch.
54:10 – Jonathan almost got Seth a $40 shirt in NYC. It was a full-body photo print of Jeter hitting a ball in HD. It wrapped around the entire shirt and J-dawg thought it was so nice.
20:08 – Jonathan claims he hasn’t gotten grifted in a while. All it takes is a good convincing story and he’s in.
38:16 – Seth’s Woodstock, Woodstock 2, was dope. Jah always thinks someone got raped during a Limp Bizkit show there, but that was the third Woodstock. Jah’s dad did not go to the original Woodstock, but his mom did. She says it was disgusting.
58:52 – Jah has been traveling a bit lately. He wasn’t down with a lot of it. He found it surprising that they marked down the time it took him to get through check-in and go through security. He also couldn’t believe how few agents they had in the airport during the low-traffic times. Jah thinks that if you enjoyed the flight/pilot you had, you should be able to enter in the information and stay with that preferred pilot throughout all your travels. Seth thinks you should be able to do that with stewardesses. Jah reveals that there is a JetBlue pilot who is also a UYD listener. He came to the live show in Santa Monica.
1:07:01 – UYD got an e-mail from a listener who discretely listened to UYD during a mass at the Vatican in front of the Pope.
3:25 – Jonathan’s dad’s cousin is a firefighter down in New Orleans. They went down to his house years ago for Fourth of July and bought a bunch of fireworks from one of those crazy huts where you can get them in bulk. He had special fireworks that he and his firefighter buddies would build every year – they called them Silver Kings. They were like M-80s with a quarter-stick of dynamite in them and were the loudest thing ever. Jah’s dad smuggled them back to LA and every year they would fire a few off at Fourth of July. They were so loud they would hurt J-dawg’s ear drums.
9:46 – Jah was just speaking to a friend of the show who was on tour in Amsterdam, so a new law there about not allowing in foreigners must have just gone into effect.
30:29 – Jah finds it to be a common occurrence to find a crazy homeless person with a cell phone. He sees it quite a bit now even though they try to keep it low-pro.
49:17 – Jonathan was talking to a mortgage broker at Bank of America. The original mortgage he got was with Countrywide, which was bought by B of A when Countrywide was bleeding. The house he co-owns with his ex-wife is a bit of a conundrum right now, because she’s been in it for a period of time and is no longer going to be in it. Selling it doesn’t make any sense because of how much money they would lose, and taking it over doesn’t make any sense because it appears to be rapidly depleting in value. The broker was going through a loan modification of his own, and said B of A currently has 2 million homes in foreclosure across the U.S.
17:33 – Jonathan hosted a slumber party once at his house, and they decided to pull a prank on the first kid to fall asleep early. They poured warm water in his hand and spit in it as well, and proceeded to smell his ass and sleeping bag to see if he had pissed himself.
38:21 – Jonathan got jumped once by a group of guys in Honolulu. They were guys from Oakland who were in town for a show. He got punched in the head a bunch but not stabbed. He was 17 years old and he was stretching out his earlobes actively at that point. He had a plug and they punched it out of his ear. He had just gone up a size and it was very painful – a bloody gushing hole going down his neck. He managed to run and get away from them. There were dudes who J-dawg knew who just walked by and acted like they weren’t going to get involved.
47:19 – Jah was sitting in Santa Monica last night two blocks away from where they caught Whitey. Everyone was at a bar talking about it and Rebel Without A Cause was playing on the TV above the bar. J-dawg was standing there with Dimitri, and James Dean in the movie goes to high school at SaMo High, where D actually went. They go to the Observatory in the movie as well. The LA in that movie was so crazy, and Jah realizes it was exactly the same then as it is right now.
50:19 – Jonathan wants to know if Seth knows any man who has caused minor physical harm to a girl in order to try to engage them in some sort of conversation. Seth says he definitely does.
1:00:29 – Jonathan’s friend, a lesbian, has Grindr on her iPad. She set up a fake profile with a hunky-looking guy and a dick pic so she can look at it when she’s home and start messaging and chatting. She sets up dates to meet with them and never shows up. Through that process she’s gotten a grip of info and pics sent back and forth. It was the first time he’d ever seen Grindr in action. It was crazy.
1:02:10 – Seth, after watching his friends use Grindr, claims there’s nothing more bone-chilling or life affirming when they watch the tracker get closer and closer and closer and closer and then a person appears and everyone’s dead silent and he’s like, “That’s the person.” It gets real.
28:06 – Seth saw a movie on Wednesday at 9 a.m. called Transformers: Dark of the Moon, in 3-D. Seth said it was a feat to make it through the entire movie. On Wednesday night he went to the Orpheum Theatre for the final night of the Los Angeles Conservancy’s program “Last Remaining Seats,” where they show old movies in the beautiful movie palaces in downtown LA. He saw the silent film Safety Last! with Harold Lloyd.
41:51 – Jah realizes that listeners don’t know he has a gold tooth now.
42:27 – Jah’s mom sent he and Seth an article from The Wall Street Journal saying she and John have been suspect of “old sperm,” as they call it. The article claims that there are a litany of things that can happen to the offspring – primarily neurological abnormalities – if a man waits into his 40s to father children.
48:10 – Jah says nobody masturbated more than him when he was 13. Seth says no one has done it more at age 34, either.
1:16:47 – A UYD voicemail caller asked that Seth suggest to everyone to leave a message saying what they don’t like about the show. They think that would be a bad idea. Jah says he knows there are voicemails that Seth doesn’t share with Jonathan because he would get so livid at the people and hunt them down on the internet (i.e. callers suggesting live shows in their respective towns). Jah prefers the suggestion from last week – a Dear Abby-type column that listeners can submit via the website.
5:30 – Jah walked out of a new age spiritual bookstore today with Dimitri in Santa Monica. As he left, the owner of the place was sitting outside holding court with a woman speaking about another woman he had had a relationship with. As they walked out, he said, “Thanks guys, thanks for coming in. May God protect you.” He said it very casually. Jah thinks maybe they should start doing that at the close of each UYD episode.
6:18 – Seth was at The Greek Theatre in Los Angeles last night for some tasty licks getting laid down by Steely Dan from a 1977 album recorded in Hollywood called Aja.
8:35 – Jah was out today shopping in the middle of summer just watching the people out there. It’s becoming difficult for him to tell which of the people are from LA and which aren’t, but now everyone is wearing Hollister and Reef, so it’s hard to tell.
14:37 – Jah has been flying a lot lately. Something happened to his dad in his late 40s or early 50s where he had been traveling his whole life and was suddenly overcome by a fear of dying on a plane. He couldn’t bring himself to fly. Jah fears he’s heading in the same direction, because it’s become harder and harder for him to fly as of late. There are a couple that feel smooth and awesome, but the majority of them feel violent and crazy.
48:53 – The History Museum in LA was doing a silent auction to name a new dinosaur species and Seth wanted to bid and name it after J-dawg to see dem bones.
49:07 – Some dude who was at Pride in Toronto last week who listens to the show talked about his friend turning his Grindr on in the middle of Pride Fest and they were inundated with dick pics and messages about pissing in somebody’s mouth.
4:13 – Jah was on a plane last week and found himself on a United flight that had drop-down 9-inch monitors every 3 rows. They were showing The Lincoln Lawyer and three episodes of Big Bang Theory.
4:02 – Seth went to Time Warner to get a brand-new remote because he banged up his other one.
8:50 – Seth is at his newsstand in Larchmont and his homie is moving a stack of magazines. (Jah interrupts Seth’s story to reveal that Seth reads magazines he subscribes to at the magazine stand because the stand gets them before he gets them delivered to his apartment.) The magazines he’s moving feature Kate Middleton on the cover of People and Star, etc. Seth goes there every day, and the stack of magazines with royal wedding coverage just sat there. He asked the guy what magazine would sell thematically, and the dude responds, “the New Yorker with the article about scientology that came out in February.” He put out a stack and it was gone, put out another stack and it was gone. Seth wondered how many he sold, and the dude told him he sold 65 magazines in less than two hours. He then called all the other newsstands across the city and they were all gone. They called the New Yorker offices and they said they weren’t sending out anymore. Seth thinks it was a calculated effort by the SciTis to cover up all the released information.
15:37 – Seth splurged and went into Astro burger today to pick up some spicy chipotle sauce. As the girl hands it to Seth, he notices a guy leaving giving an over-the-shoulder knowing nod, and there’s a phone number written on the receipt in the girl’s hand. Seth predicts he was a PA working for Paramount carrying a gang of lunch items.
31:37 – Jah admits he does something that’s gross and off-putting to people. He calls it a “bad habit.” He bites his nails, and while he’s biting them, if he actually gets a nail that he bites off, he breaks it into pieces in between his teeth. To be honest, some of them get spit out and some of them get swallowed. Dimitri says he knows what J-dawg is doing and can hear it happening with his teeth, and so he automatically tells Jah it’s gross when he hears it.
35:13 – Two weeks ago, Seth picked up a beautiful Saturday Evening Post 99-cent calendar. He was coming out of the store and there was a hobo sitting out front asking for change. Seth had a dollar bill and a dime and left it on the counter for the clerk rather than wait in line. The hobo was talking with another homeless guy, and he says, “Yeah, Commissioner laid it down. Lockout’s over.” Seth had a little skip to his step as he got in his car and headed home, then he checked online and was saddened to learn the lockout was still ongoing.
41:23 – Jah doesn’t know if he’s ever blacked out. He’s drank and vomited himself into unconsciousness (Episode 115, 53:07), but at the point that he stopped remembering it was because his body was lying down and his eyes were closing. Seth has blacked out a grip of times.
1:14:02 – Seth went to the Billy Wilder Theatre at the Hammer Museum on Monday night. He saw a movie from 1980 called Can’t Stop The Music, a loose bio about The Village People. It was so mind-melting crazy and done by the producer of Grease. It was filmed in the summer of 1979 at the height of the disco craze and when it came out disco wasn’t so popular.
23:27 – The first time Seth had an experience with oxycontin, he was at a party the summer of 2001. He was with some guys in a band called The Bad Apples. One of the guys had a pill and was fucked up, and he lost it at the party.
7:03 – Jah doesn’t like animals to be present when he’s getting his fuck on.
8:25 – Seth talks about his acting experience on Hyperion Bay starring Mark Paul Gosselear. He got a call on Sept. 9, 1998 from the WB Network. Seth received a residual check today in the amount of $6.38. He thinks it should be adjusted for inflation to current times. The show lasted one season. The episode Seth was on was called “Some Common Words and Phrases,” airing October 26. When the episode aired, Seth was working in the in-house catering division of Paramount and they had a big event that night. They pulled a TV over and everybody gathered around to watch the episode. Seth’s only line was when a woman walked by, he asked “What are those?” It was over so quickly and was so sad that all the caterers just kind of went back to their Bunsen burners and hot trays.
15:57 – Jah asks Seth about something that happened to him today on the way to the studio. He stopped at a supermarket on the west side of Los Angeles. He bought insoles for his shoes and then he stopped at a Starbucks within the supermarket and got a green tea lemonade. The lemonade was purchased in order to cover up what he was actually doing – which also got foiled anyway. As J-dawg purchased his insoles, he approached a Wells Fargo kiosk ATM. There’s a guy standing there and immediately he doesn’t like him, because he’s in motorcycle gear with a helmet on and visor flipped up. He has a very small backpack in front of him, and he unzips it and J-dawg sees the head of a spray bottle. He begins shooting the ATM with the spray bottle from about 3 feet away. J-dawg just posts up. He gets into the line of the Starbucks and acts like he’s waiting in line so he can just stare at this dude. There are a lot of people standing around and no one seems to notice that he’s shot this thing with this fluid. He then takes out a towel and begins wiping down the entire thing. Above the ATM, there’s a shelf and he starts pulling receipts and stacking them up and starts taking photographs of the receipts with a digital camera. J-dawg is 4 feet away from this dude and can’t believe no one is looking at this guy. He then takes the pictures of the receipts, backs up from the ATM post-cleaning and takes photos of the ATM from a distance. He turns around and there is a mother, father and the father holding a child. He forces them away so he can get farther away from the thing. He is now parallel to J-dawg, and looks at Jah and says “You need to use the ATM?” Jah replies, “I don’t know bro, are you done disinfecting it and whatever the fuck else you’re doing?” He goes, “It’s all you, buddy.” Jah puts his arms up and goes up to the Starbucks register. The guy finally finishes his routine and leaves and J-dawg is perplexed as to what just happened. As the guy walks past J-dawg, he makes a weird sound effect with his lips, and J-dawg turns around daring the guy to look back at him. He wants to kill him.
1:01:38 – Jah had a new idea for a product – build-your-own dessert raviolis.
23:12 – Jah’s next-door neighbor when he was a child was very beautiful, and he had a crush on her. She had nannies that were Swedish young college girls, and they would sunbathe topless on their deck. Jah remembers walking down the stairs to try to get to her room and not understanding what was happening, and then getting so close to two hot girls. He remembers vividly the beautiful tan skin and glistening blonde hair with the best tits he’d ever seen in his life. He tried to play it cool but he was completely beside himself and shaking uncontrollably. He talked to a point where he remembers both of them getting up and putting clothes back on.
31:45 – There’s a guy Jah sees in the same supermarket he was talking about last week. He washes windows in the parking lot. He’s a Cali beach boy local forever. He was in the Army for a while and is a musician. He has diabetes. He was talking to J-dawg about it and Jah can’t fathom being homeless and diabetic. The guy is under 40 years old and has had mental health issues. He understands he has to deal with it. He’s losing sensitivity in his hands and feet and they’re saying he might lose his feet. For him, it somehow might be better, because if he loses his feet he’s eligible for city housing and disability he’s not currently eligible for. The guy had an insulin attack the other day and woke up in the hospital.
47:07 – Jonathan was walking up a street to the Phish show. He didn’t realize there were motels on Highland, but there were. He used to see hippie kids on tour with their parents and he looks up and sees a dinky motel with some people standing outside. In the middle of the sidewalk, there was an 8-year-old and a 6-year-old barefoot. Jah is perplexed because hippie kids used to look like hippie kids; now they just look like dirty-ass kids. They were playing a board game in the middle of the sidewalk.
52:25 – Jah is opening his home to a guy he’s never dealt with before. He’s going to watch Jah’s dogs while J-dawg is away. It’s a catch-22 for Jah, because the more he’s there, the more he takes care of the dogs; however, it’s the more Jah has to worry about the guy beating off in his hamper. He was thinking about asking the guy not to stay there.
1:03:18 – UYD webmaster Nick had his identity stolen and was in the police station for 4 hours filling out forms. Jah explained to him he had his identity stolen and never went to the police, he just filled out an affidavit in the mail.
34:09 – Jah had two interactions with Corey Feldman several years ago. He’s been around a lot of drug addicts in his life, and Jah thought Feldman was a borderline street person.
50:42 – Jah and Seth’s moms used to brown bag their school lunches for them. J-dawg’s lunches were health-conscious but he didn’t get laughed at.
1:00:29 – Jah has a friend who told him about his girlfriend who was with years and years ago. They fought all the time and he decided to break up with her. But around the time they were breaking up, she was diagnosed with breast cancer so he took the break-up off the table to help her through recovery. She started going to radiation and chemotherapy treatment, lost about 20 pounds and shaved her head because her hair started to fall out. It gets to a point where she can’t handle it anymore and she attempts to kill herself. He takes her to Cedar Sinai and she checks in. She was automatically on 72-hour watch. He realizes she has a chemo session the next day, wakes up and walks in and tells them they have a patient who won’t be able to be there that day. They go through the file and said they had no record of the patient. He then realizes that the woman has faked this entire thing.
6:14 – Amir started out his college career as a pre-med student and there was a crazy research lab in the school. The reason he left is because he had to deal with crazy primates being dealt with and fucked with. That’s where he drew the line. Jah thinks his life would be so much better right now if he was a doctor, versus making experimental electronic music.
19:23 – Jah can’t remember what airline his mom used to work for in booking. He thinks it might have been Pan Am.
44:13 – Amir claims that big bushes are back among youngsters. Jah does not believe it’s first-hand information, but he wants to check in with some kids and ask them.
3:40 – Jah’s previous birthday month was better than this past birthday month. 34 was rough.
3:56 – Jah was in Staples two days ago. They had a 25% off discount and he saw 350 kids in there. He heard a mom complaining about the fact that they didn’t do this before the school year started. Jah got freaked out by some of the 9-year-old beefy boys mad dogging him.
7:31 – Jonathan’s dad was a Ford spokesperson and a Holiday Inn spokesperson. There were quite a few commercials in the late 80s and early 90s that included his voice.
15:37 – Jah knew a girl who went to school every day as Princess Leia and she would only respond to that name.
23:17 – Jah remembers thinking it was so cool when he met guys who dipped as a kid. He wanted that ring in his jean pocket so bad. Jah knows there’s dudes who dip who listen to this show and are also on the forums.
27:08 – Jonathan can’t use any of the organic laundry detergents because they make him break out in hives after he wears clothes that use them. Gain and Tide don’t have the same effect.
29:54 – Jah can’t understand how he didn’t get to Burning Man this year because last year he was pretty dead set on going and then people were talking about it again, and it only felt like it was 4 months ago to him.
1:01:22 – Jah tried to get off Facebook. He attempted to quit it, but it made it very difficult for him to X out, and it told him he had until Sept. 11 to decide, and he backed out of it.
55:35 – There’s one woman at the post office Jonathan goes to. Any time she’s there, there are only 3 people in line. She’s efficient, good at her job and no bullshit. If someone’s taking too much time, she vocalizes it, everyone in the room agrees and the person at the counter agrees to sort their stuff out elsewhere.
7:20 – A kid was leaving Seth a voicemail while walking the halls of his dormitory, and as he passed each room Seth could hear a different porn soundtrack.
8:32 – Jah was talking to someone about new porn, and he heard that the new cycle has gotten to the point where very young kids (5-8) are getting exposed to crazy pornography, and the way they’re processing it is bizarre.
19:37 – When Seth is in line at Whole Foods and people get a huge order, he tries to calculate how much it will cost in his head. He came so close to the exact price once that he scared himself and had to walk out of there.
30:04 – Jah fucked up his Missoni for Target sale. He overshot it by a day. He drove up to San Francisco, and on the way back down on Wednesday he stopped by a mecca Target about 40 minutes outside of the city. He pulled up and got to the parking lot, and there weren’t a lot of people there. It was because the structure didn’t open until Oct. 9, and all the cars there were people building it. He stopped at the Target in Pleasanton, Calif. There was some stuff left over, but it wasn’t the best stuff from the Missoni line.
34:20 – Jah’s father practiced having a lower voice when he was a kid because he was self-conscious about his high voice. He used to mock DJs and ultimately became one in the late 1960s.
50:05 – Jah ate a lot of peanuts as a child. He would eat 4 or 5 spoonfuls of peanut butter first thing every morning. He would grab it out of the fridge cold and choke on one spoonful and almost die before getting breakfast. He prevented the choke by chasing it with bread, which pushes the peanut butter down. Jah is 34 years old and he chokes on peanut butter a minimum of once a month.
51:56 – Jah has the most disgusting story that happened to him and forgot to tell Seth. He was very humiliated and embarrassed by what happened. The other day, Jah woke up and it was kind of early. He got in the shower, turned it on and he farted. He shit the shower, turned it off and got out. He dealt with himself, toweled off and went to turn on the shower again. A workman was headed over to work on the building and he shut the main water off. Nothing would work and Jah had diarrhea feet. Jah gets on the phone and pleads for help. He realized that this had happened to him before.
1:05:31 – Seth got mailbox money dropped right quick. He got double checks worth $12.74. One has a sequence number 33, and the other has a sequence number 34. He thinks he just made $25. These checks are for a made-for-TV movie called McBride 6: Anybody Here Murder Marty? The shoot date of said production was April 3, 2005.
1:12:17 – Seth holds the door open for ladies because he’s a gentleman. He usually holds it open for all people, and he realizes that for some cultures of men it might be emasculating for a man to hold open the door for them. Perhaps this is why he doesn’t always get a “thank you” or a smile-and-nod. It seems lately they’ve been taking the door from him, and Seth refers to this as a Mexican standoff.
2:27 – Jonathan and Seth were reading a Playboy magazine like they do every 90th episode. There was a print ad for Pert in the October issue that included Jimmy from Gigolos in it.
4:18 – Seth got some mail from Family Radio with Harold Camping. May 21, 2011 was supposed to be end times. This was their fall issue, and it reminded Seth to keep in mind that Harold told us May 21 was not technically the rapture. The actual, real date is Friday, Oct. 21.
13:35 – Dimitri and Jah have been DJing a lot lately and people have been asking them if they have a name for their DJing duo in case people wanted them to do a wedding or something, and Jah thought it would be funny if he just named them Jamiroquai
4:55 – Seth only knows it’s autumn because he has some New England foliage sitting on his mantel, sent to him from his mother via the USPS, tucked into wax paper.
7:02 – Seth did not have a computer in any part of his non-adult month. He got his first computer when he was living in his current apartment in the year 2004 at age 31. It was a dial-up internet connection and he got the PC tower from a guy named Michael Kohn, who lives in New York City now.
15:22 – Jonathan was at a Hillstone’s the other day, which is owned by Houston’s. He was talking to a guy about it, and found out that the reason they changed their name at certain locations was because it’s a law that if you own a certain amount of restaurants you must put the caloric content on the menus. To avoid doing that, they named half of their Houston’s, Hillstone’s.
19:27 – Jah ate a Popeye’s chicken sandwich in the Detroit airport that was so good. He was on a layover and he needed to pound one.
30:14 – Seth did video-on-demand on Thursday, Sept. 1 and paid $10 to see Kevin Smith’s Red State and realizes he won’t ever get that money back. It was the worst movie ever.
40:52 – Jah remembers his dad’s theory when he was a kid: he believed sex offenders and rapists should have their skin permanently dyed blue to where you would always know and be able to tell kids to stay away from them.
42:28 – Jah and Amir found a registered sex offender online that lived next to Amir. The day they looked him up they saw him outside playing with his daughter and son.
58:31 – Jah is going to go see the Dead
1:02:22 – Jah’s friend was in the Apple Store when the Steve Jobs death announcemnt occurred. Prior to announcing it in the store, the entire store, which was packed, went silent, and all the employees were called into the back. They came back and made an announcement.
1:03:39 – Jah heard a story last week about something he found interesting. A friend of his went to an Apple Store and brought their computer in to get it fixed at the Genius Bar. She shows the laptop to the guy and said it was giving her a funny glitch. He looks at it, goes through some diagnostics, and tells her that she needs another hard drive. The Genius Bar people aren’t allowed to do internal fixes like that, but they can do cosmetic fixes. She had a small discoloring on the face of the keyboard where the oil from your fingers make the finish oxidize. The employee pointed it out and told her he could replace it for her and hints that “other things could go in and get fixed when that thing goes in to get fixed.” She asked if she could tip them, and hinted that “sometimes things come across the table and they have to take them.” The guy said it would take about 8-10 minutes, and she leaves and understands she’s getting the hookup. She goes out of the store and gets a pamphlet for some condos for sale and puts a little money in the catalog – she puts $20 in there and folds up the flyer. He took it and put it in his pocket without opening it. Jah figures the dude was probably pissed for only getting $20 for this. Seth thinks she was in the right for this move. He would have given them a coffee or an Uhh Yeah Dude card at best.
1:12:10 – Seth didn’t get any celebrity endorsements this week. He got a fake one from Morgan Freeman.
2:47 – The Halloween Snickers commercial came roaring back this year to scare Seth for a new fall season.
6:50 – It was 101 degrees in his Jeep when Jah got in it today.
8:27 – While Seth was talking to someone about La Llorona, someone asked him if he’d heard about Sinterklaas – a Dutch legend about a Saint Nick who keeps a little boy in blackface called Zwarte Piet. The story goes if you’re bad you get put into a bag and shipped off to Spain to be a slave.
31:16 – Jah saw an old man the other day, and he fits the description of an old man that he sees pretty regularly. He can read the body language and see how he moves and realizes that he’s a filthy old pervert but he’s so old that the perverted part of him has died. So the misery has come to the forefront of his visage.
33:09 – Six months ago, Jah sat Seth down, opened up his fancy laptop and told Seth he was going to show him two music videos that were going to change his life. It was a female rap artist named Lady. Seth wonders what happened to her, and Jah is confused by her dropoff as well.
51:08 – Jah admits that he bought a fake esophagus made of Cyberskin (Episode 088, 19:26 and Episode 186, 1:09:12).
52:06 – Jah wonders if Seth remembers the post-AIDS craze when there was a big push for safe sex. Dental dams, diaphrams and condoms were at the forefront. Another thing that came into play was the female condom – a reverse condom that’s like a stocking filled with lube that goes into the girl. There’s a wire frame opening that has a shape to it and you insert it correctly and it opens up the bag. They’re kind of crazy but anyone that Jah has talked to about them said they feel much better when used properly than condoms. The inserting of them is more erotic than guys putting on the condom, which is characteristically bad. Jonathan had one experience with the female condoms. He was having casual sex with one girl exclusively. Jah picked up the deal at the Rite-Aid at Beverly and La Cienega. It wound up messing the girl up pretty bad. He hadn’t seen the girl for a period after they used it – a minimum of 10-12 years – and he finally saw her in a minivan with a person the other day. Four hours later, he’s standing in front of a dude who asked her about that and realized he had just seen the girl he used it with. It was so weird he didn’t know what to do. The very first thing he thought of while looking at her was female condom.
1:00:16 – Jah was riding in a cab and got blindsided by the guy driving the cab. He told Jah he was from Egypt and had met a girl here and married her. Jah told him he was separated and is getting married to a new girl. He said it was nice that he and her ex were still friends and the cabbie asked, “Do you guys still have sex together?” Jah was surprised by the question but he bets that people do that a lot.
30:31 – Somebody was telling Jah about their dad being an air traffic controller, and said the amount of stuff we don’t know about is staggering. They save many more lives than they lose b/c they’re the only ones who can see anything going on up in the air. But there were times when screens would simply go down
40:53 – Jah has had so much shit happen this week. It’s been so crazy. He sensed early in the week that shit was just rocking. But the way in which he normally would deal with something like that and the way in which he dealt with it this week shows how bad we are at dealing with shit. He would say 80% of the pain that normally would be caused by a week like this have been alleviated by his willingness to accept that when it started happening it was going to happen – and it was completely out of his control. Jah drank himself to sleep every night this week.
47:00 – On Tuesday, Oct. 18, at 8:07 a.m. in the Larchmont Village Starbucks, Seth ran into his friend Bill Simmons, an ESPN personality and editor of the website Grantland.com. He’s known as “The Sports Guy.” They had a brief exchange about Simmons’ Patriots and they discussed their victory over Dallas. Simmons told Seth, “You’ll win the division.”
48:57 – Jah saw a guy today at the store his friend works at. His friend and one of his coworkers have taken to stealing each other’s smartphones and updating each other’s Facebook statuses. Like “feeling really gay today,” or “feeling like a meat sandwich.”
28:12 – Jah went downtown the other night and drove through Tent City by Skid Row and it got so bad. He said it used to be just the row, but now it’s 8 blocks of people. He thinks part of it is being in a big city and part of it is having phenomenal weather.
32:12 – Jah was at California Chicken Café on the way over to Seth’s apartment. Two cops came in to pick up a to-go order and two crazy gymmed-out gays were in there as well. There is one person in front of Jah, and the cashier is an attractive Hispanic woman who looks a little like Salma Hayek. She speaks very sweetly and very correctly but has a thick accent so certain words come out a little funny. The woman in front of Jah continues to say “I’m sorry, what?” and the girl continues to repeat herself. Jah orders his thing and has a few mix-ups where he has to ask her to repeat herself. He goes and sits down and two people walk up – most likely a dad in his early 60s and a daughter about Jah’s age. He only sees them ordering and can make out that there’s a lot of squinting and toing-and-froing between them. They come and sit down and the daughter looks at the dad and says, “I really couldn’t understand her.” Jah thinks it’s retarded because 80% of what she said was proper grammar, language, everything. She continues, “I guess she’s Mexican.” The dad turns and says, “Are you sure she’s not Chinese?”
56:38 – Jah had his phone turned back on. Right before that happened he was trying to talk to his folks in New York. He called them on his Google phone on their landline. They picked up the house phone and he tried to video his dad, but his dad could see him and Jah couldn’t see them. Jah’s mom sounds like she’s sort of far away and she’s talking at points that aren’t corresponding with what he and Jah are saying. When he videochatted his dad, it cut off the Google phone that he’d been using. He’s still having a convo with them and the whole time have been holding the landline phone and not hearing him come through the speaker because he’s been coming through the computer speaker for 10 minutes. Jah thinks it’s going to be so hard for us to deal with the new way that we do the same thing we’ve always done – even if we’re not interested in the new tech. Just the old stuff will be crazy.
1:04:24 – Jah’s phone just shut off. It’s booting as we speak. What will happen is the e-mails and texts that have been sent since the last time his phone was active will all at once begin to download from the mainframe into the handheld device and he would like to record the sound of it. He’s curious to see how long it will actually go on for. (It doesn’t work.)
5:12 – There’s a middle school a block away from Jah’s house. They have two crossing guards every day, which is more than enough because the kids are 6-foot-2 and more able-bodied than the guards.
8:38 – One of the best Thanksgiving meals Jonathan has ever had was at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills. They had a full buffet-type spread. It was a bunch of rogue Hollywood families. The year they went it was Leo and his family, Ozzy Osbourne and his family, etc. One side of the room was a full Thanksgiving spread, while on the other side of the room was a full sushi bar, full waffle bar, full breakfast bar, chocolate fountain, etc.
17:06 – Jah’s dad shot an episode of Night Court on Friday the 13th and one of the giant lights fell and almost killed somebody.
23:11 – Jah saw Seth going through his DVR earlier. He programs a phenomenal amount of content every day, and there’s an aesthetic quality there because he doesn’t like to have things linger on there too long. He likes to burn through there quick because otherwise it will eat up his hard drive capacity.
27:40 – Jonathan said that India Pale Ale (IPA) beers taste much better to him when drank from a glass versus from the bottle, where he can taste the bottle a phenomenal amount.
28:57 – Jah was thinking that he met Heavy D, who was in a play with Willie directed by character actor Delroy Lindo.
35:49 – Jah and Seth receive an influx of postcards from Mr. Hambell’s English class at Keimyung University in Daegu, S. Korea. The penmanship is so precise that when they first received them, they thought they were typed by a machine. A lot of them end with “With Every Wish,” … They all seem to respect their elders. There’s a lot of references to Kimchi and a lot of dog soup. … Seth learns that high school in Korea starts at 7 a.m. and goes until 11 p.m. … One of them says “I saw your car on Google Earth. Your car is so colorful. Your car is very marvelousous.” … “Seth, I saw your car. It was a wonderful car. Blue body. Brown roof. Correct? It is a car of sincerity. How to know your car.” … “Your car is quite OK. Cute, but you should buy car so much to better.” … “Dear Seth, God blessed your car. Your car leaves a deep impression. The design moved me profoundly.” … “I saw your vintage car. The Dance, is it? I think you have that car to high school, correct?” … “Korea is not own the gun. You should not know something. You should use two hands to older people. You should not have a gun.” … “Seth I saw your picture. You look so smart. I want your answer handsome guy.” … “Seth you are handsome guy like actor. Your life looks so good. Your figurations attractive and funny. Let me know if you have any questions.” … “Seth I saw your commercial. Your eating acting is very impressive. I hope to appear with you in a commercial eating some day.” … “I love Subway sandwiches. I think you do too. Wink. I saw you on the commercial. Seth I want to see your story.” … “you and Jonathan have hair and are very handsome.” … “Seth I saw the picture of Jonathan. His hairstyle and beard is shocking. I hope you and he will be popular in Korea. Dreaming.” … “I do not enjoy suntans, but do enjoy your faces. Your attention has been good. Please encouraging.” … “Dear Smeth, I hear about USA Burger King hamburger is really big. Is this true? If so I envy you. Smeth, I will come to USA some day to see WRestlemania.” … “In movies American students have a lot of parties. Is that really true? Believe me.” … “I heard USA night culture one party. So crazy. People so crazy. I miss you. Sing me your musical performance. This is only my opinion.” … “Korean music is most popular wide world. Do you know K pop? If you don’t, listen. Tell me your life please.” … “I like American singers. My favorite players are Celine Dion, Shakira and Adel.” … “My hobby is drive a car. But I have no car, so at times I like to drive the car with my mother. So now I am very mad.” … “Korean fried chicken is most delicious all over the world. Usain Bolt is the fastest man in the world. He eats only chicken to his meals 3 day all along. I heard this. Brilliant. What a holy chicken.” … “Are you still doing internet comedy show? Wow. Surprising. Comedy so nice because comedy gave laughs to people so our society would smile. This comedy of yours will remain a good memory, develop and maintain kindly life.”
44:58 – Jonathan now reads a selection of his letters from Korea: “Dear Jonathan, my name is Crazy. Let me introduce about Korean culture. In Korean culture you should not use the low forms of speech. Always foreigners speak low form of speech to elders. Korea is very propriety and you should not whistle at night. It is bad luck. If so, appear the snake. Koreans are very afraid of the snakes. Do you know Dokdo? I like Japan, but when Japanese lie about Dokdo, I hate Japan. Every day Japanese lie that Dokdo is their land. Now all of the countries of the world believe that Japan lied about that but most important in fact is Dokdo is our land. This is not change. At first Korean personality is sensitive but Japanese lie. Koreans are very tired about international conflict, therefore Korean avoid very famous terrain country proverb: ‘make way for a madman and a bull you never believe that lie.’”
55:46 – The last time Jah ate Dippin’ Dots was at Knott’s Berry Farm, which was only 4 or 5 months ago. The first time Seth had them was at a Super Bowl party last year. He was down at first, but then after processing them he wasn’t down with them.
58:33 – Kozy and Dan, friends of the show who designed the hairy logo and more, sent Jonathan photos of Sinterklaas arriving in Amsterdam not knowing what it was. There were mad Zwartze Piets all over the place (Episode 293, 8:27).
1:01:25 – Seth was sitting in Larchmont having a coffee, and two girls came up to him telling him they were doing a fundraiser. They handed him a sheet and it had their address and phone number to their house. Seth couldn’t believe it. Later that night, he’s getting coffee and sees one tacked up on the other side of the street.
1:02:15 – Last weekend or the weekend before on the West side, 4 girls were throwing a bake sale across the street from the Starbucks Jonathan goes to. Jah is looking at the girls, who all have tits and are 2 years too old to be having a bake sale. One of them starts doing a provocative dance to try and lure traffic, and eventually all of them do it. Jah is sitting with women in his 20s, and asks if they are too old to be doing this. At this age, there’s a part of Jah that’s compelled to walk over there and tell them to stop doing what they’re doing.
2:39 - Seth got fully grifted at his Starbucks by Howard Schultz. The prices went up. He slid his two one-dollar bills over the counter for his tall drip coffee, which should be $1.50. He received a quarter and a dime back for change instead of two quarters. It went from $1.50 to $1.65.
13:13 - Listening back to last week's episode, the fact that Jah didn't get the Million Dollar Mind Game answer, Subway, correct (Episode 297, 10:04), made him furious. He explains that his brain is never functioning at 100% capacity when he's doing the show.
22:18 - Jah says Seth was onto Stevia a long time ago. He used to bring it everywhere with him in packet form before it got big.
34:13 - Seth's mother tells him that they used cloth diapers on him. Seth couldn't believe he was that old to have worn cloth diapers. They would take the diaper and shake it out in the toilet, throw it in a diaper pail, then wash it with Ivory when it filled up, then pull them out on the clothesline and he had "the whitest diapers in the neighborhood" and never had a diaper rash. Seth got mad at her because he looked it up and Pampers started in the 60s.
48:44 - Jah is going to hit the LA Auto Show on Tuesday. He heard there were a few debuts. He might get into the 4-door Chevrolet Spark sub-compact hatch. Jah says the vehicles there are 95% wack but the 5% legit cars are worth the trip. Jah goes to the show ever year with Amir and his dad and his uncle - a deep Persian crew who not only know their whips but also own super-dope whips and are not afraid to sit down and talk some shop.
3:20 – Jonathan is leaving town to see his parents in NYC for Thanksgiving and realized that as soon as you get through Thanksgiving, you’re right there at Christmas. There’s no time whatsoever between the two. By the time he gets back into town, gets sorted and figures everything out, it will be December 5. At that point he’ll have to leave in another 10 days.
30:45 – Jah was trying to clean up the desktop of his computer and he came across the fiber-optic camera video of Seth’s knee surgery. He couldn’t really tell what was going on in it. There’s audio, but it’s like underwater sucking noises, not the doctor laughing at Seth. Seth recalls that he was in the mix the whole time. He wasn’t put under consciousness. He remembers the big shots they were giving him beforehand, but they rolled him by all the unconscious people and he threw them deuces while enjoying a veggie burger.
39:06 – Every morning, especially if he smokes weed, Jah has his routine where he walks his dogs. He wakes up, gets ready, opens the door for them so they can go downstairs and pee, but within an hour of him waking up, they walk to Starbucks. Every day he has to get their leashes and plastic bag, puts his sneakers up, etc. Every time he forgets something like his mailbox key or his wallet, etc. He in essence gets to the door or almost outside before he realizes it. His dogs, Fatty especially, are hip to this, and he does his own routine where he paces in circles and eats food from the bowl when Jah grabs the leashes.
1:03:18 – Jah circles back to last week’s discussion about tipping for food delivery. Jah had indicated that you don’t need to tip the driver if there’s a delivery charge. He found out from callers that, tops, drivers will receive $1 of the $5 delivery charge. He retracts his previous statement and encourages you to tip, even though it kind of sucks.
7:43 – Some Grandparenting 101 submissions to UYD – a lady’s baby had an ear infection, and her mother swears by the old technique of blowing cigarette smoke into the ear to help clear up the infection. … Also, a sip of red or white wine to help the baby sleep.
11:37 – Seth buys 1 or 2 lottery tickets a week. He buys Super Lotto and Mega Millions tickets. It’s just a dollar, in good fun, and there’s a certain excitement. He does a quick pick and is the first one to touch it after it comes out of the machine.
15:27 – Jah has picked up a new skill that he’d maybe like to utilize for a couple people – jewelry making.
47:50 – A fellow plane passenger of Jah’s had a conversation with him about drugs. She explained that the brain produces dopamine, and she had gone to a seminar that dealt with its production in the brain. We as humans can’t go more than 2 hours without doing something that causes a release of dopamine in our brain. If we don’t do that, we begin to slip into a state of depression within about 2 hours. Our lives are structured the way they are to stagger our day and give ourselves dopamine. The catch is that nothing in itself creates dopamine. We create it in our brain by experiencing something that we believe gives us relief from suffering.
37:45 – Jah’s girlfriend Geneva’s grandmother referred to us as a lost generation. His tendency would be to believe her since she’s 94 years old and she’s looking at what her generation did and the one above Jah’s did. Jah thinks Seth is a perfect example – graduating with a communications degree pre-internet. Jah says Seth has to surround himself with younger people who truly grew up with the internet in their households.
1:00:48 – Jah’s father got them a podcasting manual book when they first got started.
3:45 – Jonathan got a hot peppermint mocha today because it felt kind of wintery for him.
10:57 – Jah goes on the internet just to entertain himself if he’s sitting at home. Just to get on. Seth is there to work. It’s straight business.
8:28 – Marcia’s plantar fasciitis is very painful. She had it for a year before she did anything about it. It’s worse when she wakes up in the morning because her foot is really tight and she had to walk it off. She saw a podiatrist and got all kinds of equipment to deal with it and wears something to bed after she ices it and stretches it.
10:09 – Seth had a friend who came to California and did a winery tour in Napa. They went to the Wilson Creek Winery and sampled some flavors, then tried an almond champagne that she raved about. She told Marcia that she should go when she goes to visit Seth. Marcia fell in love with it, went back to Massachusetts and then they researched it – the winery would not ship wine to Massachusetts but it can go to New Hampshire, so they had it shipped to a mutual friend in N.H, then smuggled the alcohol across state lines so Marcia and her friend could enjoy it.
13:16 – Marcia is proud of Seth for his nine years of sobriety. She likes coming to LA and having a designated driver. She didn’t have one the night she went to Bar Marmont with Seth and drank butterfly kisses. Seth was driving pretty fast in the truck on the way home.
16:40 – When Marcia’s water broke, she had no car and Seth’s dad was bartending while taking a 10-speed bike to work. In Marcia’s defense, Seth came a little early. She had to call her dad at 3 a.m. and get him to take them all to the hospital.
19:02 – When Marcia first found out that she was pregnant and Seth was due Oct. 7, so on the 7th of every month, she stood in front of the refrigerator and had her picture taken to see the growth.
22:30 – Seth stopped at a Hooters with Josh and Brian in Nashville, Tenn., when they were driving cross-country in 1995. Marcia has never been, but Seth said they should do it – there’s one on Hollywood Blvd. by Grauman’s Chinese Theater.
26:38 – Marcia has noticed that anytime she sees men and women walking down the street holding hands, the woman is always on the outside. When she was growing up she was taught that the woman was supposed to be on the inside.
48:56 – The first two weeks Seth moved to LA, the smog burned his baby lungs and he was given a bronchial steroid at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank.
54:07 – When Seth went to watch the Kentucky Derby at Hollywood Park, he couldn’t believe some of the characters who came into his path. Seth put his money on a horse called Brutally Handsome and made $58.
9:33 – On Jonathan’s plane ride, he watched about 15-20 minutes of Contagion. It wasn’t as awesome as he wanted it to be, but there were some sequences that got his blood rushing and made him think we’re all dead.
11:09 – Seth’s mom shone so bright this week in Episode 303, but Seth has been telling her that her satanic ritual of using neti pots is like playing with father.
25:16 – Jah’s dad bought and sent Jah a download link for Louis CK: Live at the Beacon. It was only $5 a download via PayPal.
16:45 – Seth’s “desk” is a bedroom side table from J-dawg’s first apartment he moved into when he was 18 years old in Park La Brea. At this point, Seth begins to realize that this table – in which he has photos of his brother, father and grandfather – has housed Jah’s blood, semen and lubricants and has been fucked on by Jah following a Fishbone show. Jah’s dresser is in Seth’s bedroom. He has had that dresser since Jah was 14-15 years old living in his parents’ house in Malibu. Seth reveals that Eric Szmanda of CSI gave Seth a bookshelf he still uses.
29:35 – Jah was in Toronto over the holidays, and in the senior assisted living building that Jah’s wife’s grandmother lives in, they walked in on an orderly in his 60s who had been fucking Alzheimer’s patients there for years.
40:45 – Jah watched videos yesterday of the run of college girls posting madly crazy racist shit and putting it on Worldstar Hip Hop and other places. Looking at their faces and realizing that when that girl is 40 years old, she’ll be able to look back at the heinous shit she did in her past and it will live on forever. Her lowest, lamest most desperate moment will be encapsulated on the world wide web. Jah has at least 22 of these throughout the duration of his time on the show, but at least it’s a voluntary thing within the context of the show. These people don’t understand the world yet and others are going to have to deal with their terror in the future.
50:41 – Jah remembers his parents going to a fundraiser when he was in high school for a rainforest preservation group in some fancy house in Brentwood with a bunch of actors. They showed a movie that included a beetle that has a parasite that takes over its brain to the point of being able to control it, then steering the beetle to a certain species of tree in the rainforest that is particularly tall and slender, walks up to the top of the tree and then the head explodes and shoots the parasite’s larvae out among the rest of the rainforest to further infect the foliage.
5:33 – Jah informs the audience that he’s HIV positive. He also asks for the house lights to be turned down just a little because they’re blinding his face.
19:49 – Jah takes a minute to talk about traveling with his lighter. Dimitri and he left LAX on a 5:47 flight to Seattle. He says the whole system is faulty the whole way through. Seth wonders if it has anything to do with J-dawg buying his plane ticket the day before he flew up there. He takes his lighter out of his pocket every time and puts it in the tray, he puts it back in his pocket and he leaves with no issues, yet he’s flabbergasted that they take his toothpaste away.
32:02 – Jah remembers when his dad found Hustler magazines under his bed when he was a kid. He said that Jah’s mother found them and told them about them. He then asked J-dawg why the hell he was into them because they were disgusting.
36:12 – Jah went in an LL Bean today to look for a “took,” or beanie, because he was freezing. He went to a Columbia, a Hardwear, and an LL Bean. He still didn’t find one.
38:16 – While Jah was at LL Bean today, Seth was at the Field Roast Factory on Jackson Street. Seth walked the killing floor of his vegan sausage place. David Lee, let Seth wear a hairnet and walk through and meet everyone. He got a Celebration Field Roast, which is the size of a baseball bat.
41:25 – Jah’s dad used to do dynamite fishing. He’s from Louisiana. They would do it with homemade cherry bombs, tossing them underwater where there were an abundance of fish. They float up to the top of the water dead, and you guys row around and toss them in the boat.
1:00:02 – Somebody called the UYD voicemail to reveal that you shouldn’t drive at 10 and 2 – you should drive at 5 and 7 so you don’t punch yourself in the face if your airbags deploy.
1:21:32 – Jonathan realized that, while traveling, there is a type of person he has a crazy complex about. It is a 40-something female white Buddhist. They are holier-than-thou frown-upony motherfuckers, pretend passive judgy people, and they wear crazy garb.
1:25:59 – Seth busted his tooth on a Clif Builder Bar this week. He’s missing a tooth and doesn’t have a permanent crown yet. It’s not as asshole-pirate looking as J-dawg’s gold tooth is yet.
10:33 – Jah is a fan of Korean food, but he’s only been hip to it for the past two years or so because he befriended a Korean.
11:26 – Seth got a phone call from an EMT who said they were loading an older gentleman into an ambulance in a shady neighborhood while being verbally assaulted by people on the sidewalk. A woman came up and screamed in his face, “You ain’t nothin’ but the fake-ass po-lice!”
54:07 – Seth went to Gas Works in Seattle, a beautiful park. He walked through bushes that weren’t really bushes, and he thought he might have a tick bite.
57:52 – Jah has a friend who got into a situation recently. He got busted by his girlfriend for corresponding with several former flames.
1:09:26 – Jah met Axl Rose last week. Not only did he meet him, but he bitched out when he first saw him and ended up following him to another store in order to talk to him. He was on foot with his dogs and stalked him for a block and went into another store. For 10 minutes he had no idea who this dude was, and then he looked up and smiled and Jah said “Holy shit that’s old Axl.” He realized he had actually met him once, at a Mobil station on the corner of Sunset Boulevard and the PCH. Those were the dark days when no one had seen him and he was wearing cornrows and a Kevin Smith hockey jersey. The Axl that Jah saw the other day was a dope old-ass happy man, with a beautiful girlfriend, covered in giant black diamond jewelry and a Johnny Cash cowboy hat. Jah made up a weird shitty story that didn’t quite make sense when he was a kid, fudged it and turned red and made Axl laugh, then J-dawg beelined it out of there.
24:44 – When Jah and Seth flew back from Seattle, no one was happier than Seth. Jah peaced out and went to sleep because there were 50 empty seats on the plane.
33:23 – When they were coming back from Seattle, the turbulence was very mild, but Seth thought about going full Muslim so he could get back on the ground.
36:39 – Seth did a bump of K. He doesn’t know why. He was in Pasadena sitting half in his Chevy Cheyenne truck and half on the sidewalk. He was hating it. Seth’s friend was doing a job interview in Pasadena and Seth was his driver, parked outside the restaurant freaking out. It was a Tuesday at like 3:30 p.m. (Episode 082, 51:35)
37:52 – On April 20 Seth will be 10 years sober. Jah remembers getting 10 years sober and being floored when it happened. Seth thinks he’ll go out to Joshua Tree and get a tattoo of his cat Joshua to celebrate.
38:46 – Backstage in Seattle they lined up the booze for Seth and Jah. Seth couldn’t believe it. Fifteen minutes before the show Seth is having a heart attack. He looks over at Jah, who is texting, laughing, drinking tequila and eating Thai food with chopsticks. Seth stopped eating at 11:30 that day when he had a soy yogurt.
46:42 – Jah’s friend has some coffee that he gets from Colombia that is so strong – it beats any of the espresso shots he’s ever had.
1:00:48 – Jah watched the new Conan the Barbarian a few days ago. There were demons and swordplay and his dad was played by Ron Pearlman. If anyone can get through the first 10 minutes where Conan baby gets cut out of his mother’s womb dying on the battlefield and Ron Pearlman lifts it up to the sky, then you’re golden.
6:57 – Jah takes a moment to salute a couple that applied to have a nude wedding at the Hedonism II resort in Negril, Jamaica (Episode 304, 46:19) along with 14 other crazy couples. Jah asks them to come up on stage, then serenades them with “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
15:27 – Seth gets back from Seattle and goes to put his pants on. He remembers that they talked about how the dresser in his bedroom is the same dresser that Jonathan had intercourse on in high school. Jah immediately cuts in and wants to know if he found something in the dresser. The drawer fell out and Seth got down to look at what was in it. There was a guitar pick, some pubes, 12 cents and, he reaches in the back and finds a piece of paper with someone’s number scribbled on it and the name “DJ.” He also found a poem. Jah is trying to figure out the number. He thinks it says DJ * on it. Then he realizes it’s Dominic because it’s a Nepalese number from when Dominic was living in a monestary studying Tibetan translations.
43:07 – At Seth’s first apartment on North Beechwood south of Melrose, his parents came out to visit for the first time. He wanted to maximize space so he put an air mattress down in the closet and would have to fall backward in it. He was only paying $225 a month for rent.
3:45 – Seth lived in the Rampart district. He moved into the Rampart Palace at 446 S. Rampart, pre-CRASH Unit scandal, so he is a worthy judge of the authenticity of the new film Rampart. He was speaking with a nice girl from the LA Film Festival after hearing he couldn’t see an advance screening, and he was screaming angrily about how rich fucks from the West side were going to get to see the film while he lived it – he should get a police escort to the film.
39:38 – Seth got a voicemail. Some people like to party on those voicemails, and by party he means eat a bunch of marbles and garble out those phone numbers.
40:26 – Jah gets a lot of ass dials over the last few months from people who have put his number in their phone contacts.
2:52 – The first time Jonathan heard 311 was when he worked at a piercing shop on the Venice boardwalk (Episode 106, 7:39). Mike, the guy he worked for, was playing a CD he had bought at one of their shows.
5:49 – Jah’s grandmother used to send him a 1-foot by 1-foot by 1-foot cube box every year of beads for the Mardi Gras. Most years, until they were outlawed, she would also send him a coconut from the Zulu Tribes Parade, which were handpainted with glitter and stuff. They had to be outlawed because they would throw them at people and crack their heads open. Jah used to dress like Mr. T while wearing the beads. His grandma would also bring him a dessert from the in-flight meal after she got off the plane, wrapped in a napkin and placed in her purse.
7:22 – Burning Man is coming up. Jah registered and got into the lottery but then didn’t get the ticket.
27:27 – Jah couldn’t get over to Seth’s apartment yesterday because they had to shut East Hollywood down. His neighborhood used to be perfect – simple, working-class Latino families living their lives. As the article in the Times says today, when they asked the neighbors who was living in this house, they were “artistic types.” The whites moved into Seth’s neighborhood and there’s all kinds of domestic violence, people getting shot and buildings being lit on fire. His relative peace over 10 years has been shattered by rough Bohemian types screwing it all up.
41:35 – Jah was in an Indian restaurant last night eating some curry by himself, trying to blast the stuffiness out of his body. He was talking to one of the guys working there. He was a young guy, the youngest son of his family. He’s been here for three years and hadn’t been back home yet, and he was trying to get his paperwork in order. He went through a hotel management program and Hilton offered him a job in San Francisco but he couldn’t take it until his papers were in order. So he came down to stay with his uncle to work the restaurant and wait. He said the only reason he’s in America is that he’s the only son in his family that owns a business in India. They’re totally successful but there’s no money to be made there. So he’s the only person who can try out being in the States to see if he could make a go at this and get money. He said he didn’t want to be here because people don’t do shit. His friends went to Oakland to go to school and got jumped by 4 black dudes a week into being here. He got beat to shit and knocked unconscious and when he woke up, his passport and paperwork and everything was scattered around him torn into a million pieces.
1:01:54 – A friend of UYD bought a UYD sweatshirt and is really mad because he’s been wearing it every day around time and no one stopped him and said “UYD 4 Life.” Another friend of the show, Zach (Turquoise Wisdom) got back in from Fashion Week last night at LAX and as he was there he saw a Prius with a UYD sticker and Jerry Bears picking up someone at the airport.
4:22 – Jonathan started a fantasy tennis league this season which has been pretty cool but very time consuming. It’s called Jah’s Sci-Fi Fantasy Tennis League.
14:06 – Jonathan gets a lot of correspondence from UYD listeners who actually know about the stuff Seth makes fun of – P90X, Dren, etc.
23:23 – Neither Seth nor Jah has been to a car race. Seth wants to go see the Grave Digger at a monster truck rally. Jah would want to go to a drag race.
24:33 – Somebody took Seth’s front license plate off (Episode 061, 54:51) and he got a ticket. Jah used to get tickets all the time because he never knew how to put his plate on the front of the car (Episode 144, 59:00). Seth used to have a Sun Records sticker on his Volvo. He still has it next to his ROMA license plate that a listener stole from Italy.
26:31 – Seth sees this homeless guy David on Melrose with buckets cleaning places. He always sees him at different spots. Seth assumes he makes $20-25 per window, and could probably make a few hundred dollars after spending the entire day working. Seth thinks he may have an apartment and then act like he’s a homeless dude; meanwhile he’s rolling in it. Jah doesn’t think retail places would pay guys that much.
37:44 – Seth wonders what the Starbucks drink that Jah used to order was that he made him tell Seth’s father. Jah can’t remember if it’s the one he used to get at Coffee Bean (Episode 001, 43:14) or Starbucks (Episode 003, 33:16 and Episode 112, 27:14).
38:47 – Seth had a flattop his senior year of high school.
58:51 – When Seth’s old man was in LA last summer, Seth did not see him take a sip of anything other than Budweiser for like 70 hours.
59:31 – Jah suffers from dehydration sometimes and it takes him a while to figure out why he’s feeling shitty. It finally hits him that he hasn’t drank any water.
3:37 – Everyone has been talking about meatballs all week. Jah hears people talking about bratwurst and the sausage place downtown near Venice.
4:15 – Jonathan and Seth are basking in a fragrance called “2006” by company called UYD that was sent to them in the mail. The ingredients are grain alcohol, vanilla, lime and sandalwood (Episode 041, 42:22).
8:56 – Seth has a plan this year to get crazy at Spring Break. He’s going to do pre-pro for 3 days, go full throttle for 10 and then 4 days of cooldown. He’s doing South Padre Island. He’s going March 10-17. It’s known to be a kegger crowd because it’s Texas Week, so he’s going big or going home. It’s known as the south’s most economical spring break. It’s within a day’s drive of Houston and Dallas. The barrier island is compact enough to explore without a car, and a free shuttle provides regular transportation around town and across Laguna Madre to Port Isabel.
17:10 – Seth is holding in his hand archival historical records from the Library of Congress. UYD once discussed a drug arrest that Jonathan had many many years ago and his appearance in the National Enquirer (Episode 110, 39:50). The major problem for them not being able to pinpoint and locate the microfiche was an anthrax scare many years ago caused the Enquirer archives to be destroyed. The headline from Mike Walker’s Behind the Screens is “John Larroquette Shocker: His Teen Son Is Busted For Dealing Drugs.” The article text: “Heartbreak for John Larroquette – His 16-year-old son Jonathan just got busted on drug dealing charges that could net him up to seven years in prison. Larroquette, who has won his own battle with alcohol, was distraught when he arrived at the Los Angeles police station to take Jonathan home after the arrest. Cops say they stopped the teen for speeding and found two bags of pot plus $690 cash in his car. The high schooler admitted the loot was drug money, and that he sells marijuana for friends to get ‘free grass’ for himself. Jonathan was also charged with driving under the influence of marijuana. His dad, who starred as a prosecutor on Night Court and now plays a recovering alcoholic on his own show, couldn’t be reached for comment. But the actor’s wife Elizabeth declared, ‘Our son is a wonderful child. Lessons have to be learned in life.’” In the original story Jonathan told, he had $2,000 in cash, so perhaps a dirty cop pocketed $1,300 of it. Then again, Jah realizes that carrying $600 as a teenager in the mid-90s probably felt like a lot more money. Jah was going about 75 miles per hour. He had a bong wedged between the driver’s seat and the console. In the console there was a hatch that contained two sacks and the cash. Nowadays it wouldn’t have been that bad but two zips in the 90s meant you were a weed dealer. He was pulled over in Malibu on the PCH about two miles from Pepperdine. It was rush hour in the morning, and they pulled him over and had him not only handcuffed outside of the car, but the weed, bong and all the cash out on the roof of the car while cars were rolling by at 4 miles per hour. Jah had a Grateful Dead steal your face sticker on the gas tank of his white Yukon. By the time he got home that afternoon, he had messages on his phone from people who had seen him and called their friends. Jah says he’ll cop to the $690 and say he doesn’t think the cop pocketed it. Seth thanks Fat Dennis in South Korea for tracking this down. He also thanks Bob Barker on the front cover in a Price Is Right sex scandal. … Jonathan remembers getting a call from a friend when the Enquirer had come out a couple weeks after it had come out. He was in Sun Valley, Idaho at the time, and he remembers going into the Circle K in Idaho and pulling the paper off the stand and reading it. His dad was standing there outside, and Jah can’t remember the mixture of feelings he was probably having – his fame and his minor son whose picture they couldn’t publish but talked about everything else. It was clear that the story was sold directly from the sheriff’s department, so he wondered how much they possibly could have made off of it – Jah doesn’t even think $2,100.
25:01 – Ten years earlier, the Enquirer told the world that Jonathan’s mother had breast cancer. She had gone into the hospital for something for Jah’s little brother, and the hospital sold her medical reports after she had some tests on cells. The paper reported that “Elizabeth Larroquette dying of cancer.” People were calling her asking why she never said anything. Back then people actually read the National Enquirer, including Jah’s grandmother, who read it and believed it to be true.
25:31 – Later in life, in Asheville, N.C., Jonathan was arrested for possession of mushrooms at 32 years old (Episode 215, 1:05:50, Episode 227, 35:56 and Episode 263, 55:13). This was 16 years after his initial arrest. So who knows what will happen at age 48?
47:44 – Seth wonders if monster truck rally tickets would be as expensive as the Beach Boys tickets he purchased. He wishes he wouldn’t have done it, but he bought them for June 2 at the Hollywood Bowl. He claims he didn’t make the decision, it just overcame him. Jah knows exactly what he’s talking about – “It’s called power of the pussy.”Jah thinks Seth could be pleasantly surprised by seeing them at their 50th anniversary show in Hollywood, where they’re from.
0:51 – Seth got a voicemail from a guy who was jogging in NYC. He ran into some friends who are sober, and they were talking about meeting up with other sober guys, which turned into “sobros.”
19:54 – Jah wonders if people are aware what an indian reservation looks like. He has driven through a few of them, and says it’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. It’s barren, it’s impoverished
25:30 – Seth got the Doritos Tacos Locos. He can’t really eat it because it’s technically not vegetarian but he had to do it. He got it for $1.40 with just the shell and beans. He took one bite and was surprised because the shell had a Dorito taste but much thinner than the chip itself.
27:31 – Jonathan did a 90-minute yoga class the other day. He had never done one that long.
55:24 – Jah asks if Seth notices that Jonathan hasn’t smoked during this session. He has cigarettes with him and thought about it, but hasn’t. Seth declares it’s because he tricked him psychologically; he didn’t put the ashtray out on the table for J-dawg to use.
1:02:13 – Jonathan lost his cell phone out in the world. He had it in a jacket that he took off and laid it down next to him in a bar. He thought maybe someone had boosted it; however it’s not an expensive phone or a desirable phone, and thanks to big brother Gmail, you can check to see if someone’s looked at the phone. No one’s looked at it or touched it since he lost it, which leads him to believe it fell down into a crevice of some sort. As a result, J-dawg is also locked out of his own Facebook page. He had verification on it in case someone tried to log on from an alternate location, it would text him and ask for a pin. It did this the other day, but he has no idea what it is. He tried to email Facebook, but they don’t have a tech department so you’ll never get a message back.
3:46 – All of Jonathan’s high school and junior high friends called him “John.”
5:49 – Jonathan reveals that he beat off to a magazine that had an article about his father in it.
19:57 – Jonathan bought a jar of mayonnaise at Vaughn’s the other day, and it was $4.69. It wasn’t eco-sized or anything. With the ingredients inside of it, there’s no way it should’ve cost that much.
23:31 – Jonathan loves Can’t Buy Me Love. He watched it so much as a kid. Seth picketed the remake hoping they wouldn’t taint the original.
25:16 – Seth saw Kari Wuhrer (Episode 165, 34:35 and Episode 103, 37:16) in a Starbucks and revealed that he had a huge crush on her and she bought him a coffee.
29:25 – Jonathan still doesn’t have his phone. It’s disconnected, but at some point someone is going to find dick pics of him floating in his Blackberry in Hollywood. In this process he has opted to order an iPhone, mainly because UYD is discussing making an app for the show.
39:07 – At the age he lost his virginity, Jah understood that it was young, but he thinks that at 11 years old if you don’t know the effects of google-searching boobs and having a soda in 2012, you’re in a bad position.
44:42 – Seth is still bitter about his father not letting him get an earring, even though his good friend Peter Martellucci had one (Episode 106, 5:49 and 33:58). Jonathan then reminisces about the time he and his father went to get their ears pierced together at Maya on Melrose Avenue on his 13th birthday (Episode 106, 6:37). John kept his earring in much longer than Jonathan did. Seth says that Maya is a store that when you drive by, they have the same herbal ecstacy sign in their window that they had when Seth moved to Hollywood 16 years ago.
45:42 – Jonathan’s friend Asa from Shahs of Sunset used to be married to a guy who started the company Herbal Ecstacy, which also had its offices on Melrose.
51:37 – Seth talked to a guy who came back from Arizona, a Mexican dude. He said it was the worst because it was so racist. Seth thought it wasn’t that bad. The dude lived in the north part of Arizona, and said he would come out to his car one morning and there were beans poured on the hood of his car.
1:02:21 – Jonathan still does not have access to his own Facebook page. He’s messaged them several times and has not received a response.
5:40 – Seth claims that he eats a form of peanut butter every day, be it in a bar or with jam. He still buys it in a jar. He uses MaraNatha organic peanut butter. It’s smooth.
14:28 – Seth is having a love affair with chai lattes. He can’t stop. He had his first one at Starbucks and now he gets them wherever he goes. He gets them with soy milk and no water and a shot of espresso. Jonathan calls that a dirty chai.
16:10 – There is a homeless person in Jonathan’s neighborhood who has been serial pissing on Jonathan’s property. He opens the gate and walks onto the property and tucks into a corner to piss on concrete. It’s the exact same spot, and the smell was out of control. He stopped for a while, but then he started again to where he’s doing it every day. Jonathan stays up very late and walks the perimeter of his property. He walks around in pretty irregular hours, and never once has he spotted the guy trying to do it.
20:37 – Jonathan said he popped Johnny Depp’s style at some point in his life. Seth thinks maybe in his Kate Moss days, he might have as well.
21:10 – Seth went to his mailbox and took out his mail. He was excited because one of the magazines was wrapped up in plastic. It was his April Playboy. He tore off the plastic to reveal Bruno Mars on the cover. Seth was going to maintain his subscription as long as Mr. Hefner was alive, but now he’s not so sure he’s going to remain a subscriber.
25:01 – Jonathan has had erections at inopportune times, not triggered necessarily by external events. Sometimes they’re just random.
26:39 – Seth was stoked to see the April 2012 Los Angeles Magazine, which featured an article about podcasts and featured Uhh Yeah Dude. He read this on a newsstand in Larchmont today, when he saw Peter – the Irish guy from TMZ, looking for celebrities. The headline read “The Banter Buddies: Uhh Yeah Dude.”
50:25 – Seth finally got a letter in March 2012 from Harold Camping, president of Family Radio, who promised that the world was going to end. He humbly acknowledged that he was wrong.
52:05 – Seth got some mailbox money from a movie he made with Jonathan’s father – McBride: Anybody Here Murder Marty?. It was $25.
52:34 – Seth and Jonathan both needed to get new tires recently. Seth can get new tires from Mexicali Tires on Hillhurst for $40 for two used tires. Jonathan got quoted $1,300 for four tires, not including balancing and putting them on. Seth read an article about rent-to-own or layaway tires.
58:44 – When Seth was in Larchmont reading about himself in Los Angeles Magazine, four students from The Marlboro School – a high-end ladies’ Catholic school – walked by and scoffed at magazines and the people who still read them. Seth was crestfallen.
1:07:25 – Jonathan is sorry to report that he no longer has a cell phone. It’s no longer active. Seth wonders about the first episode in which he gave his number out (Episode 084, 2:15).
1:08:44 – Jonathan sat at a T-Mobile brainwash party talking to a girl there. He wanted to ask her about possible partnership ideas of getting free phones so he could give T-Mobile a plug.
1:09:45 – Jonathan still can’t get onto his Facebook page.
1:10:52 – Seth has been trying to keep it real ever since he had that Chevy Cheyenne and the angels ripped it out of his hands. It got stuck in an Armenian body shop and they tried to charge him $1,000 because he left it there for two days. And he left his Guns N Roses 1987 Live at the Paradise concert in the tape deck (Episode 061, 56:23). Seth has only lost 3 things in his life. He lost his Red Sox hat at Lollapalooza in the pit. He lost his GNR tape, and then, after taking 2 vicodin and seeing The Perfect Storm at Mann’s Chinese and he left his umbrella in Mann’s Chinese Theater.
20:15 – Seth got a nice call from some high school students in Colorado. It’s good for him to know the youth are checking in.
32:42 – Jonathan has a dog named Bones. He was at a barbecue in the back courtyard of Jonathan’s place with some friends, and there was a grotty wire brush there caked on with nasty shit, but they used it on the grill nonetheless. Later that evening he noticed that Beans was gnawing on the brush, and Jonathan freaked out on her.
34:12 – Jonathan’s friend has a phobia that he has never heard of anyone else having. When he was a kid he was drinking out of a glass Mexican soda bottle, drank the majority of it and put it down, and his dad noticed it had shattered glass sitting in the bottom of it. Since then he has had a shattered glass issue even if it’s around.
40:17 – Seth went to see The Beach, Leonardo DiCaprio’s first movie following Titanic, at Grauman’s Chinese Theater with his friend John Buckley. They ran into some of John’s friends who were coming out of an earlier viewing and said the movie sucked. When Seth asked the ticket-taker why there was nobody there, he said, “They no like Leo.” (Episode 126, 24:27 and Episode 137, 38:55)
41:22 – The last Leonardo DiCaprio movie Jonathan saw was The Departed.
47:02 – Jonathan picks garbage up. He feels guilty for throwing out his cigarette butts, so he picks it up on a regular basis. The only problem is he takes it into his home and tosses it on his floor.
48:09 – All of Jonathan’s family suffer from allergies – everyone but him.
50:51 – Seth remembers the first time he saw HBO. He was crying and couldn’t believe it. He had a slanted silver remote with four vertical buttons on it. You had to apply some good thumb strength.
59:58 – The greatest year in Seth’s life was age 12 when he was at Hunkin Middle School (Episode 078, 44:01). Jonathan said one of the roughest years of his life was when he was 33. When Seth was 33 he was just in the beginning stages of UYD, circa September 2006.
1:06:05 – Seth sees quarter pounder boxes everywhere. Jonathan often sees dudes at stoplights who just drop their McDonald’s bag or whatever out the driver’s-side window on the ground.
6:28 – Seth picked up some trash this morning. He picked up one coffee cup to do his part. Jonathan claims he didn’t do very well this week.
15:58 – Jonathan used to see people all the time who kind-of recognized his father. People would see other people getting photos and autographs from him because he was famous, then they would come up and do it because they thought they should too.
16:51 – Jonathan tries to remember the celebrity autographs he’s been excited to get in his life. He can only think of being excited about Ozzy Osbourne and Belinda Carlisle’s autographs.
56:17 – As an only child, Seth has an odd view of how the whole family dynamic goes down. He could just go sit in the corner of his Dungarees and do whatever.
58:12 – Jonathan’s parents were very in love and are still together. He says he was very lucky. His vantage point is messed up because he grew up in an environment where that was not the norm. The other couples he saw together hated each other.
7:02 – Seth got a Groupon for Coney Dog on Sunset and went and had a shitty veggie dog and a Stewart’s orange soda and sat at the bar miserably.
7:24 – Jonathan has an issue with using coupons and promotions because he feels so chinsy using them.
31:19 – Jonathan is getting to the point where he kind of wants to have kids. The feeling has grown inside of him more in the past few years. He’s in a race with himself because he doesn’t want to be a crazy old dad at his son’s graduation. Jonathan wonders when the time will be for him, and Seth thinks within the year.
44:14 – Jonathan is surprised he wasn’t molested more times as a kid. Seth was a gregarious child that ran buck wild all the time, and he wonders if he repressed some sick memories of rape because it seems unlikely that he didn’t get touched either.
1:11:37 – Every time Seth is on a telephone, someone tells him about someone they know who has cancer.
3:07 – Jonathan reveals to Seth that he shit his guts out due to food poisoning. He went to Guatemala and managed to get through that entire trip without getting any sickness whatsoever. He arrived back in LA and ate a breakfast burrito at Tacos Por Favor and got the death in him. That’s a feeling that’s unlike many other feelings. People keep telling Jonathan he looks like he lost weight, which he’ll take.
4:32 – Seth recalls the wonderful month when Los Angeles Magazine celebrated their podcast for their hard work (Episode 316, 26:39). Seth carried the issue around with him everywhere he went and it got him nowhere. He was at the newsstand this week and the May issue was on the newsstand, and he was disheartened because May 2012 featured “52 Great Weekends.” No. 1 was Abiquiu, N.M., and it mentions Georgia O’Keefe living there. It mentions nothing of Seth’s Y2K expedition to get away from it all (Episode 052, 19:48; Episode 075, 41:24; Episode 133, 11:37; Episode 190, 1:03:08; Episode 250, 19:38; and Episode 252, 51:52). When Seth was in Abiquiu, he went to Bode’s General Store and ran into Shirley MacLaine covered in turquoise. Seth was there with Bobby Bukowski, John Buckley, Shirley, maybe Peter Fonda and a handful of locals. He went there for the sole purpose of wanting to be safe in a river valley surrounded by mesas.
40:03 – Jonathan admits that he boosts shit from grocery stores in self checkout lanes. He just pockets stuff like packs of gum, which he believes should be free anyway.
46:18 – Jonathan screamed at a lady today because he was mad at her. She’s his neighbor, someone he sees almost every day. He swore at her a lot and J-dawg believes she recognized him. He yelled “Fuck off!” at her when he was already 20 feet away, but he maintains he didn’t call her a “bitch” or any other names. He was upset because she claims that his dog snuck over to their property and shit, and she stepped in it somehow. Jonathan maintains that no one should ever step in shit unless they’re a major tool. Jonathan was never confronted about it, except from Dimitri’s mom. The day after Jonathan returned from Guatemala, Dimitri’s mom told him and D that she walked up to her with a bag of shit. Jonathan claimed his dogs hadn’t been there for seven days since he had been out of town. His dog only sneaks over there because he finds petrified cat shit in a field and eats it. This lady is always up in people’s business and writes people’s names down and everything. Jonathan walks by and sees her while she’s sunning herself on two chairs, and Jonathan took his dogs off their leash and they ran over to her. She said to him, “I heard you were moving out.” Jonathan says the only way she’s gotten that information is from this situation through speaking to Dimitri’s mom. He says, “yeah yeah.” She asks where he’s going, and he replies, maybe New York and Toronto and back here, maybe to move downtown. She then says, “When’s your last day?” Jonathan turns and walks over and stands over her, and says “You know what, I don’t even wanna fuckin’ hear this from you. You don’t have anything to say to me because you didn’t confront me about it. You went to somebody else who doesn’t fuckin’ live here. Moreover my dogs were gone for an entire week!” She says “Let me speak!” and he keeps repeating “Fuck off!” while walking away.
1:04:07 – Seth recalls a stripper at Kurt Long’s bachelor party (Episode 252, 47:06) telling him that he smelled good and had a perfectly symmetrical face, and that made him feel good about himself.
1:11:03 – Jonathan traveled via tourism shuttles in Guatemala. The chicken buses are all locals and you’re crammed in among people and livestock. They’re awesomely painted and insane. Jonathan thinks it would be stupid to rob one of those because they don’t have shit, but the shuttle buses are filled with white tourists.
1:16:39 – Seth tried to hand copies of Los Angeles magazine to tourists on TMZ buses to try to spread the word about UYD to everyone. One square wouldn’t take the copy, but his wife was all excited and told him to take it. By the time he took it, Seth was yelling at him and whipping it at him.
28:08 – Jonathan last rented a video in 2002. He last ate a Fig Newton in 2008. He has definitely eaten a Fig Newton more recently than he has eaten Miracle Whip. He’s not sure if he’s ever eaten Miracle Whip.
35:13 – Every time Seth is in line at a supermarket, he’s behind a person who needs to sign up for a club card. The last time Jonathan was there, the bag guy told J-dawg that his number was 123-4567. Jonathan immediately thought about grifting him.
36:05 – Jonathan’s dad is a Pepsi person, and Jonathan didn’t know this until later on in life.
47:53 – For Jonathan, there was a brief moment in his late 20s and early 30s where he sort of came up for air and absorbed what was happening to the world and to him, and then evaluates the choices he’s made and where those are at that scope of the world. He had the perspective to see where he was and then see where he was going, and then was sucked back into it. But it changed everything.
50:33 – Seth evaluates whether he needs a tattoo. Jonathan was trying to convince his friend Amir that he should go and get a tasteful facial tattoo. Seth thinks this is a bad idea because he’s too classically handsome.
52:57 – Seth has never been to a Waffle House, but Jonathan has. Seth has been to a Hometown Buffet and he drove pretty far to get there when they had a chicken wing night.
1:08:18 – Jonathan is still waiting for his Yuengling to arrive. Listener Chris is sending a 6-pack his way, but J-dawg thinks it’s sad that the only one offering to do that is a priest.
35:28 – Seth asks Jonathan how many switchblades he has on him right now. Jonathan says he is not at liberty to say, but he has one that includes a LED light on it.
]]>22:21 – Seth introduces this segment, because when he gets on it “shit gets crazy.” Seth found a cordovan (leather from a horse’s ass) chuckaboot (three-quarter high top), then went to “death erections” when people hang themselves. The phrase is also known as “angel lust.” … Sarah Michelle Gellar did a Burger King commercial when she was 4 years old, but her ad agency, J. Walter Thompson, and Burger King, got sued by McDonald’s for declaring there was more meat on BK burgers. … Seth finds 9-minute clips of Frank Zappa on Arsenio Hall that he declares “awesome.” At the end of the interview Arsenio says “Stay tuned for Edie McClurg of The Hogan Family,” and Seth got in his car and drove to clear his head at Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Santa Monica
20:48 – Seth was blown away by the Taco Bell commercial Cash did in 1992 and how wack it was. Jah: “Is it about Ring of Fire? Because that’s what I get when I eat Taco Bell.” (21:32) … Seth finds a clip of Morton Downey Jr. as a guest on Wally George, and at the end of it Wally comes around his desk to get in a fistfight with Morton Downey Jr., who gets tackled by security guards. Seth’s faith in the 80s and 90s and YouTube was restored after watching this.
20:59 – Seth learns that Cedric the Entertainer graduated from Seth’s high school, Haverhill High School
22:43 – Seth found a commercial from 1985 on the McDLT with Jason Alexander
21:12 – McDonald’s Filet of Fish was created in 1963 in Cincinnati when a local franchise owner noticed a decline in sales on Fridays when Catholics tend to not eat meat, BK and Wendy’s got in the mix too
10:24 – Seth watches the Diff’rent Strokes episode “The Bicycle Man” on YouTube of Gordon Jump as a pedophile taking Dudley and Arnold in the back of the bike shop to hang out with them. Dudley has his shirt off in the scene
27:22 – Seth spots a clip of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno character dancing with a small Asian man in a Wichita airport for a scene in his upcoming movie. Seth also learns that Bruno duped Ben Affleck in an interview, but Seth doesn’t want to believe it because Affleck’s his boy from Boston
41:59 – Seth goes on YouTube to click on Nirvana videos, and scrolls down to the comments, and sees one that says “Hey, these guys are pretty good.”
22:47 – Seth found a link to a 20/20 segment from 1981 on RapRadar.com. It referenced “the new sound of the 80s” that is “all beat and all talk.”
15:19 – On Newscientist.com, a professor was studying male and female anatomy, and had a couple perform intercourse under an MRI scanner, took the photographs and created a video out of it. You could watch boning down MRI. … Seth also saw a video of a guy interviewing a Scientology member and taking him to task and the SciTi kept speaking in SciTi gibberish.
12:12 – Seth found a website that showed what websites started the first day they started. He found Google in 1996, The Facebook in 2004, the New York Times in 1995, Wikipedia in 2001, YouTube in 2005 and Craig’s List in 2005 – which looks exactly the same.
44:31 – Seth is on the computer all the time and every week he’s reading about female teachers being inappropriate with young men. He wants to know if it happened before the internet and we didn’t know about it, or if it is a recent phenomenon. Jah says that if any dude would’ve hooked up with a teacher, it would’ve been him, and he didn’t do it. He hit on teachers and he was boning at a young age. Jah thinks it’s evolution, because we’re getting developed at a younger age.
22:20 – Seth saw a video on TMZ of a play on Broadway starring Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman. They’re playing present-day Chicago beat cops. Seth gives Daniel Craig a pass but can’t resist hammering Jackman. On the video on TMZ, somebody’s cell phone goes off in the play and Jackman stays in character, saying “Answer the phone! Just answer it!” One of Jackman’s lines is “Hey, you gotta problem wit the bottle, and I gotta problem wit my mouth!” Seth thinks Jonathan would come off more believable as a Chicago cop than Hugh Jackman. Jah is disappointed in Daniel Craig because he thought when he was first coming up that he would be the best thing ever, but he’s not thrilled with the way he’s carried himself since the start of the new Bond movies. Jah declares Jackman a fruit.
11:31 – Seth visited the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) website, and they had a 40-page PDF, which is the Voluntary Guidelines for Methamphetamine Laboratory Cleaning. So basically if you have some spare time to voluntarily clean the meth lab next door to you, go for it: After the structure has been vacuumed with a hepafilter vacuum, conduct a “once-over,” or precursory washing of the walls and floors to cut contamination using a detergent washer solution.
12:00 – Seth gets lost on the monsterweb and finds a 1992 movie starring Christian Slater called Kuffs featuring the tagline, “When you have attitude, who needs experience?” Seth discovers that in San Francisco, they have something called the Patrol Special Police – private security officers overseen by the SF Police Commission who are paid by local merchants whose property is protected. They roll around in weird cruisers with weird badges. They were founded in the 1800s in response to the lawlessness during the Gold Rush.
21:56 – Seth discovers the term “alienation of affection” – a legal action brought by a deserted spouse against a third party alleged to be responsible for the failure of a marriage. It’s typically the adulterous spouse’s lover. The law was abolished in 42 states by 1935, but is still on the books in Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Mississippi, New Mexico, Utah and South Dakota.
12:49 – Jah discovered that on YouTube you can search recordings of people channeling the spirit world.
0:53 – Seth learns more about circus peanuts, then talks about learning about the origin of Lucky Charms. In 1963, General Mills VP John Holahan was having breakfast cereal and found that circus peanut shavings over his cereal yielded a tasty enhancement to his breakfast. General Mills formalized this and started Lucky Charms.
4:53 – Seth visited the ABC News website, specifically the “ABC News Vault” from January 1979, where they profiled a Video Cassette Recorder: “There are close to 600,000 currently in U.S. homes. You can buy The Sound of Music for $75!” They were also talking about cable news channels that would be entering the mainstream. They showed a family sitting in their family room in Sacramento watching a newscast of a weather report from Chicago, and they were enthralled by this.
10:03 – Renowned actor Gene Hackman is going to turn 80 very soon. Seth discovers that he made a movie with Ray Romano in 2004 called Welcome to Mooseport and hasn’t been acting since.
26:39 – Seth visited the Avatar forums and browsed some of the threads he found there: “Jake and Neytiri: Who will be an authority in this relationship?” … “To what extent would you go to steal Neytiri from Jake?” … “Would Neytiri be as attractive if played by another actress?” … “Post your most beautiful pictures of Neytiri” … “My favorite Neytiri quality…” … “? Neytiri’s pregnancy” … “Could Neytiri breathe our air?” … “How much does Neytiri weigh?”
2:40 – Seth went onto The Consumerist website, where a gentleman from San Francisco wrote in. He heard about this from a cashier at a local McDonald’s and said it’s getting a cult following in San Francisco: 1) Go to McDonald’s right when they’re transitioning from their breakfast menu to their lunch menu (10:30 a.m.). Order one of the remaining Egg McMuffins from the breakfast menu but also order a McDouble since the lunch menu’s now open. 2) Take the egg and the Canadian bacon from the Egg McMuffin and put it on the McDouble. The guy at the register said that people call it the Mc10:35 because that’s pretty much the only time you can make it. 21:00 – There’s a guy on QVC, Dave Venable, who joined the network in 1993, who Seth suspects of being bona fide gay. He typed his name in Google and ended up on a blog called “Hope Shopping Queen.” There were pics of him a few years ago looking ripped on a cruise, and all the comments were similar to “I’d fuck that power bottom.”
42:18 – Seth reads an article on the Daily Beast that talks about guys looking at less-slickly produced pornography, because they prefer stuff that looks real or might be real. It talks about guys going onto Facebook just to look at pictures of their female friends, co-workers, girlfriends’ friends, etc., to get the fantasy going and ramping/amping it up.
7:23 – Seth didn’t watch the American Idol finale but he did watch videos of other people watching the finale and losing their minds when it was announced. One large woman screamed, “My life is ruined!” Jah says if they truly believe that, then he has no choice but to agree with them. Jah asks Seth if it’s weird that he resists watching these kind of videos the day after something like a finale where everyone’s watching them and laughing at them.
10:10 – Seth and Jah saw the Chris Klein (Episode 012, 28:08) Mamma Mia! audition tape and wondered how there wasn’t one leaked every single week. He wanted to see Ryan Philippe and Dane Cook in a tent together auditioning for Brokeback Mountain.
8:52 – Seth was in a Wikipedia K-hole this week (A “W Hole) and found out Bill Maher has never won an Emmy but Ernest has won an Emmy from a kid’s show he hosted on CBS in 1989. He looked at the 1989 Emmys, which were hosted by Jonathan’s father at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium.
36:47 – Seth went back to Friendster this week because “Friendster emphasizes genuine friendships.” The problem was the latest post of everything Seth scoured through and read was from July 2007. Somebody posted “Are you going to that party?” Jah wonders what would happen if we had a UYD mass exodus to Friendster.
26:25 – Dan Aykroyd has a younger brother named Peter Aykroyd who was a member of the fifth season of Saturday Night Live. Seth can’t wrap his mind around the concept of how unfunny that guy is.
10:07 – Seth was on a Dallas newspaper blog and read about The Beef Jerky Outlet in Garland, a suburb of Dallas. He ended up on their website and saw all the crazy jerkies they had – ostrich, kangaroo, elk, alligator, antelope, wild boar, pheasant, etc. For dessert they have cherry cheesecake popcorn. They have t-shirts for sale and one of them said PETA: PEOPLE FOR THE EATING OF TASTY ANIMALS. Another one said VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL SLANG FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN’T HUNT, FISH OR RIDE.
44:10 – After looking up information on the bondage club that burned down, Seth ended up on some crazy sites that included a girl taking two steps and kicking dudes in the nads and they were like “Yeeeaaaahh!” Seth was like “No. No. No.”
18:53 – Stigmatized property in real estate is a home where a murder, suicide or possibly paranormal activity has taken place. In general, “absent specific inquiry about the incident from the prospective purchaser, there is no duty for the broker to affirmatively disclose any information.”
1:12:55 – Jah begins to read from Wikipedia: The Luddites were a social movement of British textile artisans in the nineteenth century who protested – often by destroying mechanized looms – against the changes produced by the Industrial Revolution, which they felt was leaving them without work and changing their way of life. It took its name from Ned Ludd. The movement emerged in the harsh economic climate of the Napoleonic Wars and difficult working conditions in the new textile factories. The principal objection of the Luddites was to the introduction of new wide-framed automated looms that could be operated by cheap, relatively unskilled labour, resulting in the loss of jobs for many skilled textile workers. The movement began in 1811 and 1812, when mills and pieces of factory machinery were burned by handloom weavers, and for a short time was so strong that Luddites clashed in battles with the British Army. Measures taken by the British government to suppress the movement included a mass trial at York in 1812 that resulted in many executions and penal transportations. The action of destroying new machines had a long tradition before the Luddites, especially within the textile industry. In modern usage, "Luddite" is a term describing those opposed to industrialization, automation, computerization or new technologies in general.
28:05 – Seth goes to Wikipedia to look up Giovanni Ribisi because he’s trying to figure out the name of a shitty movie with him and Ben Affleck. He finds out he’s 35 years old and that he owns a 3D company that worked on Avatar. Turns out the movie was Boiler Room starring Vin Diesel.
27:52 – Seth looked up Nia Vardalos, the star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which came out in 2002. She wrote and starred in the romantic comedy film with a budget of $5 million. It made $241 million. She then had a CBS sitcom based on the show that lasted seven episodes. She wrote and starred in a movie that came out last year (2009) also starring John Corbett called I Hate Valentine’s Day. It made $11,000.
37:21 – Online penny auctions have been around for a while – you buy packs of bids for a sum of money and then bid on items a penny at a time. Every time you bid it costs you 60 cents plus you bid on the initial pack of bids. The one person who wins gets the awesome deal. There’s about 25 different sites on the internet where you can do this.
50:28 – Volunteer readers at the Houston-based nonprofit Taping for the Blind read everything from daily newspapers to Playboy. Seth read an article about a woman who reads everything in a Playboy. The woman painted a picture for blind men with her audio: “She is a Latina. Brunette, with dark chocolate-brown eyes. She has long curly brown hair. She is in the first photo sitting in the ocean. She has a very large grin on her face. Pink lipstick. She has a small tattoo right over the small of her back, over the dimple area that appears to be some sort of tribal design. Her legs are kind of crossed. She is sitting in the water. Behind her shoulder, down past her arm, you can see her breast peeking out. There are no tan lines at all. She is not wearing any nail polish, or jewelry, or bathing suit, or anything.” Asked later why she mentions nail polish, she replied “Sometimes it’s all they have on.” She said describing Playboy models doesn’t get repetitive: “Each one is different. Each one is like a little snowflake. There are different poses or scenarios or features or attributes. Whatever is there I try to describe what I see so they get a picture in their head.” J-dawg says he wants to do a version of this on UYD since they have blind listeners.
50:45 – A woman wrote an essay for Salon.com about insisting that her 3-year-old and 7-year-old daughters watch her give birth at home to their new little brother. “I wanted them to know everything. I told and re-told their birth stories. I described Beatrice’s hangnail at her birth and how during Francis’ birth I crapped all over the floor.” During this birthing session, one of the children yelled out “Is mommy OK?” She was naked, sweating, crying, screaming and bleeding, and was looking at her children saying “This is totally normal.”
12:46 – There’s a movie in theaters right now called Conviction. It stars Hillary Swank and Sam Rockwell. Seth looked it up to find out more. It’s a true story about Kenneth Waters. He was convicted of murder and armed robbery and sentenced to life in prison in 1983 when he was 29 years old. He maintained at the time that he did not do it, and his family maintained innocence, etc. In a random 5-day trial, they brought up the fact that when he was 10 years old he broke into the woman’s house and was sent to reform school because of it. The blood found at the crime scene was the same blood type as his. His sister, Betty Anne (played by Swank), was a high school dropout but put herself through law school because she wanted to spend her life trying to get him out of prison. She spends 18 years researching the case until finally she finds a box of evidence with her brother’s name on it sitting in the courthouse basement. It has the knife from the incident and pieces of clothes found at the crime scene that have dried-up blood on it. It’s now 1991 and they have DNA, she brings it to the Innocence Project, a team of people help her out and DNA tests prove that he wasn’t at the scene and was working a double-shift at his restaurant like all his co-workers corroborated. He’s released in 2001 after 18 years in Walpole, Mass., maximum-security prison. He’s 49 years old. The first thing he does is get out, get a corned beef sandwich and go to town on it. He goes to Starbucks to check it out, he gets a cell phone, etc. Six months after he gets out, he has dinner at his mom’s house and is walking to his brother’s house after dinner, takes a shortcut, falls off a 15-foot wall, fractures his skull and dies.
34:36 – Elle magazine is celebrating their 25th anniversary. They put a video on their website of attractive actresses and models, talking about memorable birthdays in their lives and talking about what it meant as a milestone. Leonardo DiCaprio’s supermodel girlfriend, Bar Refaeli, is doing her video testimonial, and says “Twenty-five looked really, really old. I remember when I was 14, I had a boyfriend who was 25.”
50:26 – Jah tries to guess what huge artists or records that came out in 1986 would have led to believe the former version of himself that he would be on his couch 25 years later still hearing about this artist in pop culture. Seth says it’s Men at Work, while Jah chooses Terence Trent D’Arby. This prompts Seth to look up 1986 music and pontificate.
53:39 – Seth reveals his findings, many of which are followed by J-Dawg singing clips of their music: Miami Sound Machine, “The Way It Is” by Bruce Hornsby and The Range, “There’ll Be Sad Songs” by Billy Ocean, “West End Girls” by Pet Shop Boys, “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper, “Two of Hearts” by Stacey Q, “Word Up!” by Cameo, “All I Need Is A Miracle” by Mike & the Mechanics, “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” by Jermaine Stewart, “Who’s Johhny?” by El DeBarge, “Invisible Touch” by Genesis, “Manic Monday” by The Bangles, “Hip To Be Square” by Huey Lewis & The News, “Dancin’ On The Ceiling” by Lionel Richie, “Walk of Life” by Dire Straits, “Holding Back the Years” by Simply Red, “What You Need” by INXS, “What Have You Done For Me Lately?” by Janet Jackson, “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer, “Secret Lovers” by Atlantic Star, “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” by Wang Chung, “Human” by Human League, “Rock Me Amadeus” by Falco, Mister Mister, Prince & The Revolution, Whitney Houston, “That’s What Friends Are For” by Dionne and Friends, “Take Me Home Tonight” by Eddie Money, “Life In a Northern Town” by The Dream Academy, “Love Touch” by Rod Stewart, etc. Jah wonders why “In A Big Country” by Big Country isn’t on the list.
1:04:16 – Now Seth wants to explore the music landscape of 1987 since that was his senior year of high school. He looks up “Faith” by George Michael, “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston, “La Bamba” by Los Lobos, “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” by Starship, “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany, “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” by the Georgia Satellites, “Heart and Soul” by T’Pau, “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House, “Lookin’ For A New Love” by Jodi Watley, “I Want Your Sex” by George Michael, “Head To Toe” by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam, “Land Of Confusion” by Genesis, “Should’ve Known Better” by Richard Marx, “Touch Me (I Want Your Body)” by Samantha Fox, “I Heard A Rumor” by Bananarama, “Luka” by Suzanne Vega, “Rhythm Is Gonna Get You” by Gloria Estefan and The Miami Sound Machine, “When Smokey Sings” by ABC, “Something So Strong” by Crowded House, “Doin’ It All For My Baby” by Huey Lewis and The News, “Wipe Out” by The Fat Boys and The Beach Boys and “Respect Yourself” by Bruce “Bruno” Willis.
23:20 – Jah proves to Seth during the show that Lou Ferrigno and Steven Seagal have joined a posse in Arizona to crack down on illegal immigrants.
44:12 – Seth was reading the Bay Area Hip-Hop Dictionary, and discovered the phrase “flight to Boston,” which is getting head from a girl.
1:06:42 – Seth reads about Sherpas, who are actually an ethnic group that originated in Tibet and migrated to Nepal. They’re known for their reliability and endurance and are valued as porters and guides for climbing expeditions like Everest and K2. 38-year-old Pemba Sherpa moved to Boulder, Colo., in 1990 – the first Sherpa to do so. Since then it’s been a Sherpa party in Boulder.
13:13 – After doing some research, Seth realizes that there has never been a movie called Field Trip. Jah was confusing it with Road Trip.
52:35 – Jah looks up You, Me and Dupree to see that it stars Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson (Episode 073, 11:41).
56:05 – Seth learns that a citizen’s arrest is an arrest made by a person not acting as a sworn law enforcement official. In common law jurisdictions, the practice dates back to medieval Britain in English common law. Each state, with the exception of North Carolina, permits citizen’s arrests if the commission of the felony is witnessed by the arresting citizen – or when a citizen is asked to assist in the apprehension of a suspect by police. The application of state laws varies widely with respect to misdemeanors, breaches of the peace and felonies not witnessed by the arresting party. American citizens do not carry the authority or enjoy the legal protections held by police officers and are held to the principles of strict liability before the courts of civil and criminal law, including but not limited to any infringement of another’s rights.
1:00:03 – Seth finds that John Cusack was born June 28, 1966. He’s going to be in a thriller upcoming in 2011 called The Factory produced by Robert Downey Jr.’s lover and distributed by Warner Bros. In the movie, a cop is with his partner on the trail of a serial killer prowling the streets of Buffalo, NY. But when his teenage daughter disappears, he drops any professional restraint to get the killer. The movie was shot in Montreal and wrapped filming in 2008. The release date has been pushed back numerous times. It was recently pulled from a Jan. 28, 2011 release and hasn’t been rescheduled. Cusack will then be playing Edgar Allen Poe in an upcoming movie called The Raven. In that movie, a serial killer challenges Poe to solve a series of murders based on his stories.
4:15 – Seth cites a 19-page Wikipedia page to report on the Rajneeshee bioterror attack in Dalles, Oregon in 1984. There was a 53-year-old Indian mystic guru cult guru named Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (now known as Osho) who died in 1990. His followers deliberately contaminated salad bars in 10 different restaurants with salmonella, sickening 751 people. The liquid salmonella was called “salsa.” The goal was to incapacitate the voting population of the city so that the group’s own candidates would win a local county election. It was the first and largest bioterror attack in this nation. Osho believed in meditation, love, celebration, creativity and humor. When Seth read that, he thought that sounded like his friend Jah. Osho’s quote: “Die each moment so you can be new each moment.”
1:07:38 – Seth looks up “phrenology,” the pseudo-science primarily focused on measurements of the human skull based on the concept that the brain is the organ of the mind and that certain brain areas have localized, specific functions or modules. It was especially popular from 1810-1840. Following the materialist notions of mental functions originating in the brain, phrenologists believed human conduct could be understood in neurological rather than abstract terms.
38:06 – Jason Mraz and Tristan Prettyman are both accomplished singer/songwriters. They dated in 2005-2006 and were madly in love. She ‘opened’ for him on some tours. Rumor has it they broke up in 2006. She went on a tour with G. Love and supposedly dated him. G. Love had a song in the 90s called “Cold Beverage.” G. Love was on vacation in Paris in November when he announced his engagement to Sarah Rabby Frigo. Then, this week, Mraz and Prettyman announce that they are engaged on Twitter.
40:09 – Rachel Weisz separated from her director/boyfriend Darren Aronofsky. They’ve been together since 2001 and have a kid. She’s now dating Daniel Craig.
41:02 – Scott Rosenberg – a screenwriter from the Massachusetts area who wrote Beautiful Girls, Con-Air and High Fidelity dated the beautiful actress Bridget Moynahan for three years, and she dumped him to go out with Tom Brady. Moynahan was pregnant with Brady’s daughter when he dumped her for Gisele Bündchen.
12:24 - R.J. Reynolds is a company based in Winston-Salem, N.C. Their brands include Camel, Kool, Winston, Salem, Doral, Eclipse, Export A and Pall Mall. There are some brands they still manufacture but no longer receive marketing support for. Seth thinks he and Jah need to pick one of these brands and start smoking them because they would be super fresh: Barclay, Belair, Capri, Carlton, GPC, Lucky Strike, Misty, Monarch, More, Now, Tareyton, Vantage and Viceroy. Seth chooses Terryton.
19:21 – Somebody told Seth to look up an ABC News close-up from 1979 called “Mission: Mind Control.” It was an exposé about CIA and Army intelligence using LSD and such in experiments. Some of them went “operational,” or rogue, to branch out in their experimental paperwork. One soldier’s mission was to “peel back his brain.” They interviewed him after the experiment and he broke down while covering up his face. Seth’s mind was peeled back when he watched the commercials from that broadcast including Michelob Light, Grape-Nuts and Maxwell House coffee.
30:35 – Jah gets on his browser to look up acoustic psychology. He can’t find anything. Then, later (32:19), the only acoustic psychologists he has found are consultants for car companies.
55:55 – Jonathan explains that before the show they were re-visiting past segments from the show, in particular the Craigs List straight bro-on-bro sports fans who like to jerk each other off to straight porn. He came across a new genre of dorm-room setting type porn that had a Girls Gone Wild feel to it. The lights were on and the girl was getting banged out by a dude, and the dude was performing his fuck steeze and getting coaxed and critiqued by the other guys coming in the room. The other men were more focused on what the guy was doing than what the girl was doing, although the girl was putting on a show of her own as well. It was almost like a performance with dub-step playing in the background, but it was too set up to be fully amateur.
26:41 – Seth tries to figure out what the name of the movie was with Nicolas Cage and Bridget Fonda, where he gives her a winning lottery ticket as a tip. At 30:39, Seth discovers that it is It Could Happen To You (1994), a rom-com that is the story of a NYC police officer who wins the lottery and splits his winnings with a waitress. It also stars Rosie Perez, Isaac Hayes and Stanley Tucci.
32:34 – The Garbage Pail Kids movie was a live-action film adapted from the popular series of children’s playing cards. It came out in 1987. The film depicted many of the Garbage Pail Kids played by dwarf actors in costumes.
50:39 – Bain de Soleil is a brand of sunscreen produced by Merck. The name Bain de Soleil is French for “sun bathing.” The brand is known for low-SPF products that are typically marketed to women seeking skin tanning. Current product lineup includes: Orange Gelée and Spray Transpâre. In the 1920s, the famous, trend-setting Coco Chanel, sporting deeply sun-bronzed skin, turned tanning into a fashion statement. In 1925, capitalizing on this fashion trend, Monsieur Antonine of Paris developed an Orange Gelýe dark tanning formula called “Antoine de Paris.” The Orange Gelýe formula continued to thrive in Europe into the 1940's when [Lanvin], a New York based company introduced the silky sensuous gel in the United States as Antoine's Bain de Soleil...translated as Antoine’s bath of the sun.
23:17 – Seth looks up Billy Bush to find out what his story is. He finds out that he has 3 daughters and George W. Bush is his cousin.
57:09 – Seth looks up the synopsis for Terminal Velocity mid-show and finds that it’s a 1994 movie starring Charlie Sheen. Seth also looks up the synopses for Timecop and Freejack.
24:42 – Seth loves his baby videos. His new baby jam is babies in car seats crying and bouncing around, but they’re instantaneously calmed by music. Seth loves the sub-genre of them being calmed by hip-hop music.
10:58 – Seth does some digging on Richard Grieco and discovers that he goes by @JusticeOutlaw on Twitter and has 355 followers.
38:44 – Seth looked up “jawn” on Urban Dictionary, and discovered that it’s “a word used by Philly cats to describe anything and everything.”
30:19 – A “plumper pass” is like a Fast Pass at Disneyland except it’s only for chubby girl pornography on the internet. Jah claims it can be purchased for approximately $20 a month.
43:08 – Jah thinks about Strange Days, so Seth looks it up. It was a cyber-punk science fiction film directed by Kathryn Bigelow that came out in 1995. It features Juliette Lewis, Tom Sizemore, Michael Wincott, Angela Bassett, Ralph Fiennes and Vincent D’Onofrio. It’s garnered a cult following over the years for its dystopian and cyber-punk themes.
26:11 – Judge Judy makes $45 million a year
3:01 – Seth saw somebody on a Domino’s website building his own pizza to be delivered, and he acted like it was no big deal.
7:21 – Jah plays “Can A Drummer Get Some?” with Lil’ Wayne and Travis Barker for Seth
8:01 – Seth wants to know how many people the Hollywood Bowl holds, so he looks it up on Wikipedia. It has a seating capacity of 17,376 people. Seth then looks up The Greek Theatre, which holds 5,700.
13:59 – Jah looks up Lil’ Jon’s real name – Jonathan Mortimer Smith
26:14 – Seth looked up Pleasures’ sex toy website. Their stores have three drive-thru lanes.
5:50 – If you’re in front of a computer, Seth wants you to go to MissingMoney.com and Unclaimed.org.
53:38 – Seth reads about the Mongols motorcycle gang. They were formed in the 1970s by a small group of Latinos who were reportedly rejected by the Hell’s Angels. They have a super-dope logo with a ponytailed man and Fu Manchu riding a bike. They get rowdy. One of the guys who was recently indicted was the former president, Ruben “Doc” Cavazos. He registered and trademarked the logo, and because they used that while engaged in illegal activity, the FBI is trying to own the rights to the logo and insignia. Jah wants to know what the Hell’s Angels are up to.
25:05 – Seth saw something on The Gothamist about a boy, his dad and his grandfather having lunch at a Taco Bell in Long Island. The boy complained that his soda smelled bad and was beginning to make him feel totally nauseous. The boy’s father then decided to take the foul soda to a police station. There, police officers smelled the soda and immediately became sick. The Taco Bell was then shut down by police and a haz-mat crew was called to check the place out. A camera crew from CBS 2 caught the unit sanitizing countertops and other items to ensure everything was safe. Locals expressed shock that the Taco Bell was closed. After several hours of cleaning, the Taco Bell reopened to an incredibly long line of people who had just been sitting there waiting for it to reopen.
15:16 – Jah brings up the movie Problem Child. He remembers the kid being a live Chucky, and he wants to know who the kid was and what he’s up to. Jah looks up the movie that came out in 1990: “A young boy is just short of a monster. He is adopted a loving man and his wacky wife. The laughs keep coming as the boy pushes them to the limits.” It starred Jack Warden, John Ritter, Gilbert Gottfried, Amy Yasbeck and the child is Michael Oliver. Oliver is the half-brother of Luis-Daniel Ponce from The Hogan Family. Contrary to his most-known character, Michael was not a problem child at all. He was a very laid-back child and very intelligent. One of his favorite pastimes was reading Omni magazine. As of June 2009, he was working as a crew member for the music groups The Samples and Nural.
25:13 – Seth looks up a bunch of cover bands for Steely Dan.
17:17 – A felon’s claw is a written stroke made by the human hand that goes below the baseline. It resembles a claw and curves downward while you’re writing.
1:00:59 – Jah looks up “Karma” in Hinduism online and explains the definition to Seth.
25:35 – Seth found a viral video of an MTV News report about the internet from 1995. Coolio talking about “the information superhighway” and David Bowie saying he’s “on it.”
21:09 – Seth went on Yelp to look at McDonald’s reviews. He originally went on there to read a review of someone he knows who had mad shit talked about them. Seth reads a few reviews: “You know, they only get the 1 star because I can’t give them zero stars. Really I’ve learned not to expect too much from this place, but it’s either them or the overpriced Carl’s Jr.” … MK from the Pico Union: “Four stars. Not bad.” … Nicki C. in Silver Lake: “Two stars. I’m sitting here eating my cheeseburger and I just realized they forgot to put a pickle on it. Am I going to send it back? No, but I’m still unhappy. A cheeseburger has to be one of the easiest things to make here.” … Mary G in Pasadena: “One star. Man I hate this place, but it smells good. I’m allergic to wheat. Everything at Mcdonald’s has wheat in it, even the fries. Jerks. I am doing anything but loving it. It does smell good though.” … Aisha A. in West LA: “Two stars. Lame.” … Russ N. in Silver Lake: “Three stars. Typical McDonald’s. The only bad thing is that you have limited options on which way you can turn because you can only turn right when you exit.”
27:55 – Patrick Dempsey is a 45-year-old actor. When he was 21 years old he had a breakout year in 1987. He was in Can’t Buy Me Love. That same year he released In The Mood, the true story of a man named Ellsworth “Sonny” Wisecarver Jr., aka “The Woo-Woo Kid.” He became infamous in the 1940s for having two different affairs with married women while he was in his teens. In real life, Dempsey had an intimate sexual relationship with his manager, who was also the mother of his best friend. Her name was Rocky Parker, and she was 48 years old at the time. They got married that year. They were married seven years. They divorced when he was 28 and she was 55.
43:34 – Seth and Jonathan look up “mogul.” It means important, powerful, influential. Also a mongol or a Mongolian. A steam locomotive having two-wheeled front truck, six driving wheels and no rear truck.
33:55 – Canada has tiers of driver’s licensing. They have multiple tests. Stage 1 is for young drivers (no restrictions, but you must be in the car with someone who has a Stage 2 or Stage 3 license, and you can have zero BAC). Stage 2 licensees are allowed to have 2 ½ Molsons and drive unaccompanied. Stage 3 is a highway test and you can be piss drunk.
44:21 – The Tetris Effect occurs when people devote sufficient time and attention to an activity that begins to overshadow their thoughts, mental images and dreams. People who play Tetris for a prolonged amount of time may then find themselves thinking about ways shapes in the real world can fit together, such as the boxes on a supermarket shelf or the buildings on a street. The effect can also occur with any prolonged visual task, such as classifying cells on microscope slides, weeding, picking or sorting fruit, flipping burgers, driving long distances or other sensory modalities.
43:36 – Seth found a video of a dude putting a grape in a microwave – it turned into a plasma-like ecto futuristic DMT space continuum time warp.
42:21 – Criss Angel is 39 years old. Ben Affleck is 39 years old. The Rock is 39 years old.
21:36 – On Lifehacker, a guy took a sponge and snipped a hole in the side of it and hangs it on the arm of the faucet so your sponge isn’t lying on the countertop collecting germs. Seth learned about sponging and how it can consume one. In January of 2007, the Journal of Environmental Health said to put your slightly wet dirty kitchen sink sponge in the microwave for 2 minutes and it will kill 99 percent of the pathogens. Jah also thinks you should boil your toothbrush.
10:17 – Seth was on People of Walmart and found a girl who had the sickest style. She was being made fun of but she was wearing jean leg warmers – skinny jeans cut at the knees.
15:50 – Jah looks up clergy. It’s a generic term used to describe the formal religious leadership within a given religion.
34:54 – Southside Sacramento is pretty raw and they call it “SouthSac Iraq.”
41:15 – Seth went to Todd Wilbur’s website. He found Outback Steakhouse’s tangy tomato dressing. He found teryaki sauce from Island’s soft tacos.
32:16 – Jah and Seth typed in “Japanese creepy robot” and watched every video about them on YouTube.
38:23 – Seth went on the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader website to check out the cheerleader blogs. He went under “Girl Talk” and the heading “Planning a Wedding.” He read about 4-year vet Casey Trammell planning her big day and read the comment from rusty79 wishing her and her future hubby the best and telling her to make God the center of their marriage.
34:05 – Yelp! reviews of Taco Bells in Los Angeles: Magnolia Blvd. at N. Hollywood: Laura D gives it 1 star: “I don’t recommend it. This is not authentic Mexican.” … Priscilla M gives it 2 stars: “I really don’t know what’s so special about this place.” Donny M gives it 3 stars: “Just another average Taco Bell.” From the one on Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks – Phillip gives it 1 star: “12 minutes in the drive-thru for uncooked rice and burnt chicken? I don’t think so.” … Dave T gives it 1 star: “Annoying! Typical Taco Smell!” … Michelle K gives it 1 star: “Totally disappointed in this place and the food.”
14:22 - According to Wired magazine, the 5 foodstuffs most photographed on Flickr are 1) desserts, 2) vegetables, 3) poultry, 4)meat, and 5) bread.
1:01:05 – Jah looks up the Whatchamacallit commercial jingle on YouTube.
15:27 – Seth wanted to show Marcia a video on YouTube of a gender reveal party where they send the sex of the baby to the bakery, they have a huge party and then they open the cake box and know whether it’s a boy or a girl from the color of the icing on the cake.
14:20 – Jah looks up Autoclaves, which subject equipment to high pressure saturated steam at 121 degrees Celsius for about 15-20 minutes.
42:53 – Seth found a clip on people using an escalator for the first time in Algeria and Uzbekistan and not knowing how to deal with it.
46:25 – Seth watched the viral video of the twins communicating with each other and it creeped him out – it’s lethal, cloaked, secret shit
34:32 – Jah reads some dope Springsteen lyrics to his song, “Reno.”
8:53 – Jah learns that the rights to Candlestick Park were licensed to 3Com from September 1995-2002 for $900,000 a year.
53:14 – Newsweek’s The Daily Beast had an article about how American Chinese food is being sold back in China. Fortune cookies are not a thing in China. The biggest fortune cookie producer in China can’t really distribute them in China. They have instructions on how to open them so people don’t eat the whole thing and choke on the paper. They try to make them for a high-end market in China so people will use them as gift items for weddings, graduations, etc. They made a fortune cookie for Thanksiving – a holiday not celebrated in China. One of the fortunes read THANKSGIVING IS A TIME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU. Another said NO BIG DEAL. I’M HAPPY ENOUGH. I’M FORREST GUMP.
20:01 – Jah looks up grapefruit season, which typically runs from October-June. Peak season is January-June. 33:28 – Jah looks up a statistic. In 2008 and 2009, Facebook was growing somewhere in the region of 600,000 or 700,000 per day. So 1 million Myspace signups in a month isn’t that big of a deal.
4:54 – The Ritz Carlton in Dallas, Texas, has their very own guacamologist.
44:29 – Jah explains that he wants to look something up because he wants to give it the right name. He doesn’t want to talk about it now because it will be 10 minutes of people getting mad at him because they know what he’s talking about.
55:51 – Jah circles back and says he can’t find what he was looking for online. It had to do with an underground pagan facility that he was told about. A cult built it in 1978 in Italy under the facility that the cult was living in. They managed to do it and not let anyone know, and once it was discovered they had to shut down construction immediately because it wasn’t sanctioned. When they went inside, the work was so insane that they allowed them to pull permits and be retroactive and finish it. They’re a weird new age neopagan cult that named it after an Egyptian city.
1:04:58 – Jah finally redeems himself by reading from a 2007 article in the UK Daily Mail: Nestling in the foothills of the Alps in northern Italy, 30 miles from the ancient city of Turin, lies the valley of Valchiusella. Peppered with medieval villages, the hillside scenery is certainly picturesque. But it is deep underground, buried into the ancient rock, that the region's greatest wonders are concealed. Here, 100ft down and hidden from public view, lies an astonishing secret - one that has drawn comparisons with the fabled city of Atlantis and has been dubbed 'the Eighth Wonder of the World' by the Italian government. For weaving their way underneath the hillside are nine ornate temples, on five levels, whose scale and opulence take the breath away. Constructed like a three-dimensional book, narrating the history of humanity, they are linked by hundreds of metres of richly decorated tunnels and occupy almost 300,000 cubic feet - Big Ben is 15,000 cubic feet. Few have been granted permission to see these marvels. Indeed, the Italian government was not even aware of their existence until a few years ago. But the 'Temples of Damanhur' are not the great legacy of some long-lost civilisation, they are the work of a 57-year-old former insurance broker from northern Italy who, inspired by a childhood vision, began digging into the rock. It all began in the early Sixties when Oberto Airaudi was aged ten. From an early age, he claims to have experienced visions of what he believed to be a past life, in which there were amazing temples. Around these he dreamed there lived a highly evolved community who enjoyed an idyllic existence in which all the people worked for the common good. More bizarrely still, Oberto appeared to have had a supernatural ability: the gift of "remote viewing" - the ability to travel in his mind's eye to describe in detail the contents of any building. "My goal was to recreate the temples from my visions," he says. Oberto - who prefers to use the name 'Falco' - began by digging a trial hole under his parent's home to more fully understand the principals of excavation. But it was only as he began a successful career as an insurance broker that he began to search for his perfect site. In 1977, he selected a remote hillside where he felt the hard rock would sustain the structures he had in mind. A house was built on the hillside and Falco moved in with several friends who shared his vision. Using hammers and picks, they began their dig to create the temples of Damanhur - named after the ancient subterranean Egyptian temple meaning City of Light - in August 1978. As no planning permission had been granted, they decided to share their scheme only with like-minded people. Volunteers, who flocked from around the world, worked in four-hour shifts for the next 16 years with no formal plans other than Falco's sketches and visions, funding their scheme by setting up small businesses to serve the local community. By 1991, several of the nine chambers were almost complete with stunning murals, mosaics, statues, secret doors and stained glass windows. But time was running out on the secret. … Retrospective permission was eventually granted and today the 'Damanhurians' even have their own university, schools, organic supermarkets, vineyards, farms, bakeries and award-winning eco homes. They do not worship a spiritual leader, though their temples have become the focus for group meditation.
1:04:30 – Seth uses Classic Mapquest. He doesn’t like the new look of the new Mapquest. He just Googles the classic one to access it.
40:45 – ‘NSync and Backstreet Boys – one of these bands sold 37 million albums in the United States and one band sold 28 million. Jonathan guesses correctly that the Backstreet Boys sold more. Seth then goes over the top-selling bands of all time: 1) The Beatles – 177 million, 2) Elvis – 134.5 million, 3) Garth Brooks – 128 million, 4) Led Zeppelin – 111.5 million, 5) The Eagles – 100 million, 6) Billy Joel – 81.5 million, 7) Pink Floyd – 74.5 million, 8) Elton John – 72 million, 9) Barbara Streisand – 71.5 million, 10) Michael Jackson – 71 million.
48:38 – HD Guru wrote to Samsung about their smart TVs that have speech recognition and facial recognition software on them. They wanted to know if people on the other end were able to watch people in their living rooms, but got no response when asked.
41:47 – Jonathan looks up the history of Caesarian sections.
1:09:10 – Seth visited the State Department’s website (travel.state.gov) and asked if there were any concerns about traveling to Guatemala. He was told that child stealing is a problem. Jonathan’s mom had seen that same advisory and asked Jonathan about it after he had already arrived there.
30:17 – Seth had a panic attack after watching the Dr. Scholl’s “gellin’” commercial that took place at a wedding on YouTube.
38:18 – Seth goes through the generations. The Greatest Generation was born 1901-1924; The Silent Generation was born 1925-1945; Baby Boomers are 51-66 years old; Generation X is 31-50 years old; Generation Y or Millenials is 13-30 years old. Seth considers Jonathan to be an “Xcennial.”
3:24 – Seth guesses that Hugh Hefner is 85 years old, so Jonathan proceeds to look it up and finds that he was born in 1926, so he’s 86.
]]>56:24 – Drug rings from Colombia are implanting liquid heroin into puppies, then cutting them open and taking it out
57:31 – Seth: “If you can watch Front Lines do another hour on meth and not smoke meth with Jonathan and I, then you’re through.”
41:49 – John Michael Montgomery arrested yesterday in Lexington, Ky., for driving under the influence and possession of a controlled drug
42:09 – Seth wonders if Chantico is a controlled drug now
55:46 – 7-year-old girl brought cocaine to her second-grade classroom and passed it around
57:41 – Straight coke orgy thrown down in Philly
43:21 – Jah thinks 7-10-year-old kids would be fine if they did coke, because he had friends who did coke when they were that age: “Their awesome, strong little hearts. They could probably do more coke than we can.”
59:18 – Jah wonders what people do now besides drinking: “Apparently every 14-year-old kid in America judging by my awesome Myspace people are all eating ecstacy like crazy, which is cool because they all eat candy and eat ecstacy, and that’s awesome because that’s the way I left everything. It looks like nothing’s changed in 15 years, it’s like perfect.”
32:07 – Marijuana drug ring busted in Oakland. Confiscated items bore labels that resembled candy, which is how they sold them so easily to kids: Jolly Ranchers or Stony Ranchers, Milky Way or Munchy Way, Kit Kat or Keith Cat, Coca-Cola or Toca-Cola, Peppermint Patty or Puffamint Patty, Pop-Tart or Pot-Tart
55:58 – Jonathan drove on mushrooms, peaking his balls out in his mom’s car. He had all the windows rolled down and he was laughing hysterically while his eyes were tearing. He looked up ahead of him and saw a bejeweled car through his glistening eyes, and it was a cop car that he was tailgating
45:50 – Dude gets high on meth and shoots 12 nails into his head. Seth: “Hey meth – awesome.” Jonathan saw a bunch of pictures of dudes with methmouth recently and got freaked out. Seth explains that methmouth is caused by these dudes not brushing their teeth and eating mad candy bars and Mountain Dew, coupled with intense grinding and gnawing. Seth: “It’s as if they’re British. Basically we’ve got an epidemic of Britmouth.” Jah says it’s worse than Britmouth, that they look like rabid animals
27:34 – Spring Break’s not awesome enough; now they have to get legal drugs in Mexico. Seth says no one dies from drug overdoses anymore; Jah says this is because people are pussies and when he would do it people would die. Seth is jealous that he got to miss out on so much by not going to Amsterdam and not going to Mexico to get legal drugs because it’s so close to him and now he’s sober
5:45 – Jah: “What’s going on with cocaine? It’s everywhere!”
32:53 – Jah lets us know about the drug path: Hawaiian Ice to Crack to Heroin to Meth to Oxycontin to Cocaine to “Drop Dead” a.k.a. “Executioner,” “Flatliner,” “The Exorcist,” “Al Capone,” “Fifi,” “Teflon,” and “Diesel.” A deadly mix of Heroin and fentanyl
4:45 – Jah tripping his balls off at a Dead show
40:26 – Albert Hoffman and LSD
40:35 – “Sugar Rush” – half a hit of acid and half a hit of Welbutrin XL and a quarter of a hit with Prozac mixed with milk, and it makes chocolate milk
31:02 – Meth addicts are going around neighborhoods, finding houses that are being fumigated, opening up the tarp and stealing anything they want from the houses. Jah suggests that they might as well turn the house into a meth lab for 48 hours
12:33 – Seth: “What happens to a 3-year-old when he trips on acid?” Jah: “Well, whatever happens, he’s better for it.”
31:21 – Seth and Willie Nelson have a love for the same thing: mushrooms
6:08 – Jah used to crush up Vivarin and snort it; Seth did No-Doze in the mid-‘90s; Jah encourages people to stay the hell away from jimson weed
2:52 – Salvia divinorum being banned by several states and is supposed to have strong connections to LSD, although Jah denies that
53:09 – Jah talks about methodone abusers who take a Xanax with methodone and it simulates the effects of heroin
52:00 – Jah used to quell his marijuana munchies by smoking even more marijuana
8:03 – Seth’s mom asks him why they talk about drugs nonstop; he says it’s because they haven’t done them in 15 years and they’re so jealous of everybody.
17:25 – Robotripping – teens using over-the-counter cough and cold medicine to get a cheap high
19:13 – Jah spent so much money on a brick of hash and he refused to admit it was bunk. He stole money from his dad for it and smoked it for a week. It ended in him projectile vomiting for inhaling the stuff that was bound together by tar and alcohol. He smoked it in his one-hit out of the back window of his RTD bus
44:42 – Druggie kids on forums are calling salvia divinorum (Episode 038) the “Sally D”
29:29 – Meth addicts are pissing in jugs and either drinking it or putting it back into the cooking process because they’re finding a lot of pure crystal meth going through the urine. Seth: “Now that’s the real Mountain Dew right there.” … Jah explains that peyote is the same way and goes through the body unaltered. Dudes he used to know would trip on it and then drink their own piss. … The furthest Seth went was having a girl blow pot smoke in his mouth
1:42 – Jah wonders if people still do GHB; Seth says they do unwillingly in South Padre
41:21 – Flavored meth is all the rage. Cooker makes it in a Strawberry flavor so kids won’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Jah: “It’s like strawberry cough, from my favorite movie of all time – Children of Men.”
42:36 – In boarding school, Jah and his boys were desperate to get wasted, so they experimented with Dust-off (meanest nitris high ever), huffing Glade
53:49 – Jah reads a passage from DMT: The Spirit Molecule
59:03 – Jah reads more from DMT: The Spirit Molecule
20:06 – More and more gay men are using meth, studies show
15:27 – Dr. Bronner’s wants it to be known that other liquid soaps could also mistakenly register for GHB. Seth says to bathe with UYD.
7:57 – New high for marijuana in the U.S. – sales are stronger than ever. Seth measures his weed by how much UYD it has in it. Seth and Jah have smoked some pretty serious weed and doubt that it’s any better today than it was then
11:00 – Perc-a-pops a.k.a. Actiq – fast-acting narcotic lollipop - FDA has approved them for cancer pain only, patients are warned not to ingest more than 120 per month. Ed McAteer ingests 300+ per month and the sugar has eroded all his teeth away
23:08 – Teens in Colorado are eating up a plant that looks like sage – called wormwood. They’re calling it the “green fairy” and saying it has psychoactive properties
26:51 – Seth stopped doing drugs because he did so many that if he did any sort of real drug one more time, he would never, ever come back to reality: “If you slipped me a hit of acid, I would wake up in Peru and have a different name and be a fisherman.”
32:46 – As a student drug addict, Jah would eat ecstasy and put Tiger Balm on his eyelids: two below his nostrils and two on the eyelids. “It feels like the wind is blowing through your eyeballs.”
33:23 – Seth did a similar drug experiment at Nocturnal Wonderland in India in ’96. He wore a tight silver raver shirt, gobbled up two hits of ecstasy, covered his face in Vick’s Vapor Rub and ran through the fields like Paul Oakenfold.
7:30 – Jah once smoked coco puffs while on a school trip in Benjamin Hill, Mexico, which led to him throwing down a full coked-out sexual assault on a female classmate while watching Mexican porn
42:17 – Seth ponders if they really still try to make people stop smoking weed in college
45:18 – Methamphetamine Manufacturer Registry for several states
5:30 – Jah finds the site PotPartners.com, which is a dating service for burnouts. Jah: “They say 4-20 so many times it’s crazy.”
46:06 – In the San Fernando Valley, meth addicts are stealing the brass caps off of fire hydrants, and selling them for $5-10 apiece to buy more meth. Seth: “When is my obsession with meth going to stop? When it takes me down, the way it’s been trying to do to me since I first tried it in ’97 and smoked it out of that bowl on Orange Drive?! You bastard, methamphetamine!!” (46:31)
47:23 – Jah knew a guy who used to steal freeway siding at 4 a.m. and sell them for scrap to get drug money
23:58 – Meth heads were stealing kegs, caps off fire hydrants and then milk crates. Now they’re stealing aluminum bleachers and selling it to shady dudes who melt it down for one more hit. In L.A., in the last two weeks, this has happened for the fifth time – meth heads are stealing cars and driving them into the front of pharmacies at 2 a.m. and piling up duffel bags of Sudafed and running into the woods.
54:24 – Dude who was selling Rasta Reese’s, wrapping them exactly like real candy, is already in prison, but is being sued by Hershey’s for trademark infringement. He had “unfair competition.”
55:49 – Jah gives the recipe for a ganja gooball: take peanut butter, raisins, honey, coconut shavings and weed and roll them together in balls to make a self-contained snack to walk around and munch on before a Dead show
58:42 – Seth hands Jonathan a business card for a medicinal marijuana clinic called The Farmacy – store hours 10 a.m. to 7:45 p.m., Sunday 12-6:45 p.m. The feds are doing shakedowns of facilities like these, which are pretty high-rent, according to Seth, with filtered oxygen and plasma screens in the lobby, and of course upscale herb
1:00:36 – California state law Prop 215 was passed in 1996, allowing use of medicinal marijuana, but it’s still illegal federally to possess it. Jah knows that medical marijuana cards are fairly easy to obtain, for about $150-200. Jah thinks this is the beginning of the end, that everybody is smoking weed and it’s basically going to be everyone doing it and not caring. Jah says that if this happens he is for sure smoking weed again. Seth: “Don’t leave me on this bus. I hate this bus. I am so far from Shakedown Street…”
36:22 – First it was kegs, then fire hydrants, then plastic milk crates, then bleachers, now it’s cemetery name plates. Methmouths are scraping them off the tombstones and melting them down for a meth hit. Seth: “We’re on to you, methheads!”
59:11 – Seth wants to know what happened to drugs, but Jah assures him that people still do drugs and Zorb at the same time
51:35 – Seth hit the K in Pasadena once – he was a parking meter with his passenger door open, sitting in the passenger seat with his feet on the curb. Some dude leans down and asks him if he was all right, and he said he was cool. “No I’m not!” He maintains he wasn’t in a K hole because he had a buddy he’s seen in one.
12:06 – In a new test, researchers have figured out how to give an entire community a drug test using just a teaspoon of wastewater from the city’s sewage treatment plant. The test would help federal law enforcement and other agencies track the spread of methamphetamines and other dangerous drugs across the country. In early studies from city to city they were showing massive differences in the amount of meth in the wastewater. One urban area with a gambling industry had meth levels more than five times other cities.
20:44 – Chantico, the former chocolaty beverage at Starbucks (Episode 002, 5:03), which has resurfaced as an anti-smoking drug called Chantix (replacing Welbutrin as the most popular drug prescribed for quitting smoking), has been said to have a “change in dreams.” The change in dreams is actually described by users as “vivid nightmares,” “losing my mind,” “suicidal thoughts” and “a complete psychotic meltdown.” 3 million people are on it. One of the people who was on it, Carter Albrecht, the keyboard player of Edie Brichell & New Bohemians, went batshit crazy. He tried to kill his girlfriend, tried to come through her neighbors’ front door, and the neighbor fired a warning shot through the door that hit Albrecht in the head and killed him.
39:38 – Seth reminiscing about his travails with whippets and mushrooms with his boy Ethan Banville
42:29 – Seth’s life sucks now that he’s sober and off the drugs
56:00 – “Wash” is the hot new thing. You take a kilo of cocaine, do an acetone wash to it, and extract half a kilo of the cocaine completely removed of all other things. You’re left with a pure, pure, refined powder. Post-nasal drip is little to non-existent. You can flavor it with grape or strawberry, etc.; high is the cleanest coke high you could imagine without a lot of the crazy side effects. It lasts a long time, you can eat and sleep on it, and when you rise from sleep it’s as if nothing happened
32:45 – Jenkem being abused by teens. Take fecal matter and urine, put it in a glass jar covered with a bag or balloon, put outside with direct contact to sun for days and let it ferment. Content separates and releases a potent gas that is captured in the bag. High is immediate and can last for up to 20 minutes. It’s a cocaine-like high with vivid hallucinations thrown in for good measure. Slang terms: Leroy Jenkems, Butt Hash, Runners, and Winnie
35:43 – Jah says the craziest thing he ever did to get inebriated was fermenting apple juice – was most disgusting rancid apple juice ever; and he huffed Glade.
39:22 – A new teen high is sweeping across the nation: setting fire to curbside trash barrels and inhaling the fumes of plastic and refuse. It gives a short, intense, dangerous high.
40:34 – Jonathan explains that at Dead shows, two people would stand shoulder-to-shoulder with a nitris balloon, taking turns huffing it, and then just start running and race. Dudes are running face-first into buses and veggie burritos and ganja gooballs
43:07 – Jah gets a random text from a listener of the show. All the text reads is COCONUT WASH (Episode 089)
13:47 – Toad smoking – extract venom from the Sonoran desert toad of the Colorado River, contains chemical bufotenine that causes hallucinations when smoked
14:14 – Jah says Jenkem is BS unless you drink it
19:10 – Methheads are stealing new stuff now – street lights. They’re stealing them because each of them contains several feet of very valuable copper wiring, because the price of copper is skyrocketing
58:56 – Potspace is the new Myspace, but for weeders. Jah re-references his Potpartners.com site that he found
19:06 – Methmouths are now stealing catalytic converters from parked high-end SUVs because they are usually coated in platinum. It takes one minute and a socket wrench to remove one
6:25 – New drug, Modafinil – not a controlled substance in Canada, where it’s called Alertec. Info came from Laura and Alfred, who also sent the Ice Cucumber. Memory-improving and mood-brightening psycho stimulant. Generally prescribed to treat narcolepsy, it enhances wakefulness and vigilance, but its pharmacological profile is notably different from the amphetamines like Ritalin or cocaine. Soldiers in Iraq are on it pulling 40-hour shifts
3:19 – Discussion about Hawaiian Ice, and how back in the day it was just crystal before it was called crystal. Seth thinks Ice is really, really good crystal.
4:01 – Jah circles back to the lean recipe from Episode 24 – prescription-strength cough syrup with codeine and promethazine, mixed with Sprite and Jolly Ranchers. Called many things: lean, sizzurp, drank, purple oil, purp, syrup, mud, stagga and Mrs. Dranklesworth. Was popularized by Houston producer DJ Screw – source of inspiration for his style of hip-hop called chopped and screwed. In June 2000, Three 6 Mafia’s song Sippin’ on Some Sizzurp brought the drink to prominence. Less than 6 months later, DJ Screw died of a lean overdose. Pimp C of UGK had his December 07 death confirmed as a lean overdose.
49:15 – Seth never got the perks of weed in his weed-smoking days. Jah says shitty weed was the best because he could smoke a shitload of it. Seth and his bud Dar Rollins sat in Seth’s Volvo, smoked a bowl and saw The Big Lebowski the day it opened at The Beverly Connection on a Friday afternoon. … He also smoked just to watch Tootsie at 632 N. Beachwood Dr.
4:20 – (note the time this discussion started) Weed is blowing up right now
26:03 – Seth reads to Jah an excerpt from Time magazine’s July 6, 1981 issue – on the cover is a martini glass filled with cocaine: “The All-American drug has hit like a blizzard, known as coke, C, snow, blow, toot, flake, happy dust, nose candy, Peruvian, lady, white girl. …”
5:06 – Seth tripped a bojangle times and never stabbed anyone – he only cut himself out of his own issues and soul searching
18:40 – Seth gave up cocaine cold turkey, and it compared to mourning like 9 friends who got shot in the face and then an earthquake hit
1:02:36 – Jah’s old style was smoking the seeds (Episode 059), so it renders you sterile for a little while so you’re good to go
45:50 – Seth tells everyone to have an awesome time on 4-20 and to think about Seth crying while they’re doing it. “I’m cool, it’s just 6 years without a drink, a pill, anything. I’ll just have a salad.”
26:07 – Jah and Seth decide that everybody is either on antidepressants or muscle relaxers in today’s day and age. Seth estimates 87%. Jah had a couple friends who took Somas the other night with alcohol. They called him the next day, saying they were completely fucked up. Jah could tell they were barely holding on
3:00 – Seth is tired of seeing babies videotaped smoking weed on the internet. Jonathan claims he has never seen this
29:18 – FAA has banned all pilots and air traffic controllers from using Chantix, after the dude from Edie Brickell’s band went psycho (Episode 084, 20:44). Reason is due to side effects such as seizures, loss of consciousness, suicidal thoughts and behavior, and Chantix dreams
1:03:03 – During the UYD 100th episode, Seth was trying to convince Amir to take a 2CB and peak his balls off during the podcast to update them on the world
16:50 – A different kind of club drug – bodybuilders are applying Preparation H all over their body to keep swelling down and have a more lean look
23:16 – “The Patch.” A fentanyl patch, an opiate analjesic several times stronger for morphine – intended for people with a debilitating pain and a high tolerance for morphine. Measured in micrograms because of its strength.
3:36 – Through a crazy sequence of events, Seth has gotten a strain of medicinal marijuana named after him – “Seth’s Sexy Sativa.” Jah has gotten ahold of some, and puts it in a bowl and smokes it live on UYD. Now that Jah is no longer a sober man, he feels justified to do it. Seth stands on the other side of the room with the fan on so he doesn’t come in contact with it
8:43 – Jah starts to feel some of the effects of the sexy sativa.
11:46 – Seth tells Jah to take another hit, but Jah says no b/c he still has to maintain a hard drive and index cards
11:59 – Seth asked to stop giving babies pot, but was on VidMax website and watched a baby get smacked. Seth now encourages people to smoke out the baby instead of smacking it
56:30 – Seth asks Jah how he feels, and Jah says stoned. He says it’s totally crazy doing it whilst doing the show
0:38 – The World Health Organization tells us that USA leads the world in marijuana use and cocaine use
2:48 – Jah had some absinthe in Europe and says it was pretty dope. He says it was more of a drunk than a high, and has a different hue to it. It was borderline psychedelic but doesn’t think it’s liquid LSD by any stretch
3:33 – Methmouths are now stealing sprinkler heads because the price of copper has quadrupled since 2004 b/c of the economic boom in China and the exportation prices
4:55 – Colon rolling is when you stick ecstacy up your butt, and because of the porousness of the rectal wall it takes the MDMA in much quicker
48:16 – Someone told Jah that traveling to other places in the world is the second most important thing in forming the human brain besides tripping on LSD. Jah trickled back into his life thinking about tripping on acid because everyone his age is dipping back into stuff that they haven’t done in forever
9:47 – When Jah said he was on Venice, Seth thought it was a new drug that he’d never heard about
9:37 – Watson Pharmaceuticals is recalling their fentanyl transdermal system patches because some of them have leaked the narcotic out, exposing the patient or the caregiver and fading them
27:11 – Jonathan hadn’t partaken in any mind-altering chemicals in a very long time and decided to do it this past year after a long drawn-out decision process. He ate a very strong edible that was incredibly potent, and had a screaming bitch terror freakout on it. Jah was typing on his computer writing a goodbye letter to his sanity
24:58 – Seth ponders what would happen if Jah and Amir took mushrooms and went to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua in Culver City 2 weeks after it came out. Jah says he would be in a mental hospital by the third act, while Amir would have left the theater to watch Sportscenter in his room
17:29 – Young adults’ cocaine use is down in the United States, which Seth makes fun of. Jah claims that it’s not down among young adults he knows
45:51 – Jah goes over some of the thievery that goes on by methmouths, including manhole covers, freeway siding, bleachers, fire hydrant caps, gravestone placards, sprinklers, empty kegs, etc. Now, methheads are stealing baby formula from pharmacies across the country. They swap it out for high resale value in poor neighborhoods of big cities.
46:09 – New teen drug getting talked about an awful lot lately – snurf pills. Sold over the internet. 4 teens were hospitalized. The pills contain DMX, which is found in cough suppressants and is a disassociative drug that borders on hallucinogenic
17:30 – Seth asks Jah if he could come up with some crystal meth in an hour, but Jah says probably not. Jah could get cocaine in 45 minutes if Seth could pay for it, however.
17:59 – Seth reads from the catalog MHP (Maximum Human Performance), talking about performance enhancers like “Dren” and what they do to your body. As Seth reads it Jah begins to laugh hysterically
25:34 – Jah explains that there are a lot of people in the world addicted to crystal meth, and that it causes a lot of financial damage to users, and that they are desperate to steal things to sell for the next few bucks for a meth hit. The new thing to steal is solar panels, stolen from rooftops primarily in California. They cost $1,500 to buy and are being sold on Craig’s List and eBay for $100.
1:02:36 – Seth claims that there are 40 million meth addicts in the U.S.
28:49 – Seth revisits the Bryan Nichols case in Atlanta, Ga., and the fact that he kidnapped a 26-year-old woman. When she was on the witness stand the woman said she calmed him down by reading excerpts from The Purpose-Driven Life. She also calmed him down with crystal meth that she happened to have in her crib
31:50 – Jah lets us know that Tina Turner is back on tour
35:46 – Seth: “Drugs are good, they’re healthy. You know what beats that? A little taste of that sobrio. Oh that’ll get you. Whoo!” Seth then goes on a rant about being an angry sober man, and says he is on the cusp of diving into Oktoberfest
36:37 – Seth: “You know what’s a gateway product? Cocaine, you fuckin’ idiots.”
37:48 – Seth asks Jah if he would do ecstacy if he gave him $10,000. Jah: “Yes.” Seth: “What if I gave you $5,000?” Jah: “Maybe.” Seth: “What if I didn’t give you anything but I told you it was going to be the best hit of ecstacy ever, no problems, super clean, and the name of it was Electric Testarosa and it was designed by the grandson of Schulger guy?” Jah: “Sure.” Seth: “And you only had to take a half a hit to start. And we were going to see Tina Turner afterward.”
44:32 – Jah gets Seth going on another rant about his sobriety, sarcastically saying how it’s better to “never ever leave your own reality and just look at life the way it is and never once escape to an alternate dreamscape of peace and happiness.”
7:08 – Sniff Dogs, a drug detection company out of N.J. and Ohio, supplies parents with trained Labrador retriever drug-sniffing dogs. They cost $200/hour and can detect weed, heroin, cocaine, crystal and xanex.
12:36 – Seth picks up a pamphlet from The National Institute on Drug Abuse and reads all the street names for marijuana
58:47 – A new meth thievery is happening – authorities in California, Arizona and Nevada have begun putting microchips in the state’s cactuses because of so many of them being stolen – you can get between $100 - $800 for giant mature cacti. They sell them to local landscapers and nurseries
1:00:08 – Seth types in “slang terms for marijuana” in his Google search and just starts listing them all off, Jah takes the reins over at 1:02:53 as they list them over background music. This goes all the way until they say “seatbelts” at 1:05:55
44:28 – Jah wonders if it’s true that Stevie Nicks used to have coke blown up her ass by roadies. Jah can’t imitate Stevie Nicks but he thinks the only person who can is Lucy Lawless, who did during a Mexican restaurant skit while hosting SNL in 1998
4:44 – Seth came across some crack cocaine PSAs from the 1980s on YouTube, and laughed as he watched one featuring Walter Cronkite saying “crack” over and over again. Seth says that no one smokes crack, except when he did back in the day. Another PSA viewed by Seth was Clint Eastwood, then another with Pee-Wee Herman, then Bruce Willis
17:49 – Jah asks Seth if he’s ever done meth because Jah hasn’t done it. Seth admitted that he took it and that it was awesome. He did it with Brian Bowman and a girl who is now married and has a kid. They were blown away by it and definitely knew it works while at a party. The next day they were on a couch at 632 N. Beachwood, hating meth
41:39 – A routine traffic stop of a 55-year-old man driving a 1994 Ford Thunderbird in Oregon this week turned up 250,000 hits of ecstacy
30:16 – Researchers at the US Department of Energy’s National Laboratory of Neuro Psycho Imaging, have concluded this week that when given the choice between viewing pics of cocaine or other images of random things, cocaine addicts prefer to look at cocaine
57:19 – Seth thinks the reason people are so violent and sadistic in America is a combination of the amazing high-end marijuana and hardcore pornography. “If you lived in Hollywood and you were to get a high end strain of medicinal marijuana and put it in your body and also have some strong joe and combine that with some of this, I guess, pornography, you’re gonna get baby cockfights.”
16:56 – Seth brings up the coke images study from Episode 142, which Jah says he is still laughing at and was thinking about dudes looking at pictures of coke all week long.
58:52 – Dudes make a truck look exactly like a UPS truck but run a stop sign and take off. Cops got them 6 streets away and recovered 2,100 pounds of marijuana in the back of the truck. Seth understands that some states do not have medical marijuana laws like they do in California
30:40 – Seth gives an obituary for Dock Ellis, a former MLB pitcher who hasn’t had a drink in 28 years, has worked the last 25 years as a drug counselor but on June 12, 1970, when he was 25, he pitched a no-hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates while high on LSD. They had flown into San Diego and Ellis asked to go home because they had an off day. Ellis took some LSD in the airport and went to his friend’s girlfriend’s house. The next day he had gotten up and taken more acid, and was told he had to get to the airport to pitch. He flies from LAX to San Diego for $9.50, takes a 3:30 flight, gets in at 4:30 and pitches at 6:05 – the first game of a day-night doubleheader. When he got to the game he popped some greenies and bennies. The game started and the mist started, and Ellis couldn’t see the hitters – he could only tell if they were on the left or right side. The catcher put tape on his fingers so he could see the signals. His teammates knew he was high on something but weren’t sure what. There were times the ball came back at him and he jumped but the ball was really coming slow. One time he tagged first base and said “Whoo I just made a touchdown.” He said it was easier to pitch with the LSD because it was easier to medicate himself
5:52 – Findings reported in the Journal of Experimental Biology showed that bees can develop a cocaine habit. Cocaine repels most insects, but the bees are loving it
20:23 – Jah and Seth reiterate that bees love coke
51:01 – Jah used to put Vicks Vapor Rub under his nose or in a painter’s mask while on ecstacy so he could breathe it in and make him feel like he was breathing through his eyeballs. He would also put Tiger Balm under his nose and one time thought it would be a good idea to put it under his eyes – but it was a terrible mistake (Episode 069, 32:46)
45:57 – Seth and Jah talk about Lil’ Wayne’s use of lean – he’s not addicted to it anymore, supposedly
29:11 – Seth thinks that since Michael Phelps smoked weed, Kellogg’s should replace Phelps with Seth as their pitchman. He pledges that he will remain drug-free and be a good example for children, whereas Jah says he is unable to make that promise
46:28 – Seth ponders that, in these tough economic times, if we all wouldn’t be better off just getting fucked up by ourselves – rather than letting people gather to play Balderdash together
6:48 – Seth alludes to things not being as epic in his life as they would’ve been before “when things could reach their fullest extension…”
16:29 – Seth: “Stop sniffing cocaine and lying, everbody!”
53:11 – If Seth was a cop, he would bust Jah so fast. He is currently looking at contraband in the studio.
31:02 – Medical researchers in Pennsylvania have found that an injection of an ingredient found in licorice has shown a lot of promise for the treatment of cocaine addiction
3:05 – Jah relates his old choking game to “huffing nitris.”
0:28 – Jah talks about getting clean and the last time he did drugs 11 years ago before this lost episode aired
2:58 – Phish had a reunion show in Hampton, Va., during which local police netted over $1 million in drugs and made 200 arrests.
5:09 – Jah explains Catnip – a plant-based speed for cats. Word on the street is that it’s a legal drug you give to cats and it makes them crazy. You can purchase it in flakes and pellets and it’s basically ecstacy or cocaine for cats. Jah explains it only does it to some cats in various amounts or degrees.
39:09 – Kids are smoking Smarties, crushing them up into dust, blowing it out and making it look like smoke with rings, etc.
56:02 – From Consumerist.com, side effects from popular legal drugs – Mirapex (restless leg syndrome) can give you hallucinations or increased gambling, sexual or other overpowering urges; Abilify (bipolar disorder) can give you trouble swallowing, coma or death; Flomax (enlarged prosted) can cause a runny nose and a decrease in semen; Veramist (treats allergy symptoms with gentle fine mist) causes glaucoma and cataracts; Advair (asthma treatment) causes asthma-related death; Acutane (acne medicine) causes depression, crying spells, sudden weakness on one side of the body and very dark urine, as well as birth defects.
6:49 – Jah tells UYD nation that he will have mushrooms with him before the live UYD show so anyone can hit him up before or after the show – preferably not during the show.
4:52 – Jah says that taking psilocybin mushrooms helped him beat Swine Flu
23:15 – Seth was watching Steve-O’s documentary on MTV called Demise and Rise about getting sober, where he videotaped all his antics. There’s a nitris oxide section where he’s 1,000 whippets deep and having conversations with the people who live in his brain while shivering on the couch.
27:56 – Seth thinks more people than not have their lives saved or maintained by some type of psychotropic drug.
30:43 – Jah references Mrs. Dranklesworth (Episode 103. 4:01).
49:08 – The design for the 2010 Olympic torsh for Vancouver was unveiled and seems to resemble a large marijuana cigarette. Industrial designer Mark Busey says “Sure, it may look a little bit like a joint, but I can tell you that what they were going for was ergonomics, sleekness and modernity.” The editor of Cannabis Culture magazine, Jodi Emery, says “I think people who already enjoy a joint themselves will feel a little more kinship with the Olympics now.”
5:11 – According to the National Survey of Drug Use and Health, many mothers remain completely sober for their nine months of pregnancy; however, they also go bananas after the nine months are up – both drinking booze and smoking pot.
4:22 – Teens all over the country have been flocking to garden stores and nurseries to buy morning glory seeds. It was a popular fad in the 60s and it’s becoming popular again. Nurseries are putting up signs saying you have to be 18 to buy them. You chew the seeds, and within 30 minutes they are known to have similar effects to LSD. Seth and Jah have never done this
44:32 – Seth encourages Southerners to get off Oxycontins. Jah heard about the street price of Oxy ($50-60 for one) and thought it was ridiculous. They like to take them with Xanax because it feels like a bag of smack.
42:49 – A former surgery technician, Kristen Diane Parker, may have exposed roughly 6,000 patients to Hepatitis C when she swapped her own dirty syringes for syringes filled with the powerful painkiller Fentanyl. Parker was working at several surgery centers in Colorado Springs and Denver. She took the Fentanyl syringes, and would replace them with her used syringes that were filled with in ineffective saline solution.
20:40 – Seth thinks the only excuse for getting rowdy about Shark Week is to get together with your homies and snort lines of cocaine.
53:59 – Dark Side of the Rainbow is when you start with two hits of acid on your tongue, then start the Dark Side of the Moon album and The Wizard of Oz at the same time. Seth did something similar and got all emotional throughout it. He wonders how the combination ever started. He says it’s even more epic to combine the movie Serendipity with Smashmouth’s Astro Lounge album and four hits of acid. … Another Brick in the Wall-E is when you combine Pink Floyd’s The Wall and the movie Wall-E. When you see the Walt Disney logo appear under the castle as the movie cues up press play on your iPod.
31:02 – Seth claims he has never taken anti-depressants, even a one-off, even when he was getting fucked up regularly.
2:45 – Seth wonders if Faces of Meth could get some new faces, because they had some great faces when they started off, but now Seth is still seeing the same faces of meth addicts
33:27 – Seth talks about how there’s 800 marijuana dispensaries in L.A., and 17 up the street from his house within a 3-block radius
1:02:17 – Jah thinks sleep-eating is possible if you’re on Ambien, but otherwise it’s bullshit.
16:21 – Seth informs us that in Boston you can smoke a J and blow smoke in a cop’s face and get a $150 ticket. Jah’s brother Ben tells him that it’s not as crazy as it could be as far as weed smoking goes. Seth says it’s because you’ll still get billy-clubbed and get your gram stolen. 55:00 – Yuegang Zuo, a professor of chemistry and biochemistry at the University of Massachusetts – Dartmouth, presented research at the National Meeting of the American Chemical Society that 90% of the paper money circulating the United States contains traces of cocaine. The cocaine binds to the green dye in the money through ATMs, coffee shops, newsstands, convenience stores, etc. We have the highest percentage of money containing cocaine in the world. The findings also suggest that people in banks that deal with large amounts of it could ostensibly test positive in a drug test.
25:01 – There is a new scourge, a new meth in the world that has hit the scene like gangbusters – called Shake N’ Bake. Makers of meth have learned there’s a new way to get people high. They take a 2-liter soda bottle, put a handful of crushed-up pseudoephedrine pills in it, put some basic household cleaners in it, put the cap on and vigorously shake the bottle. What is left is a residue that can be smoked, snorted, etc. There’s no flame required but the batches are small. The problem is that it’s just as dangerous to make it because if any oxygen in any way enters the bottle, it will blow up like a fireball in your grill.
54:12 – Nearly one-third of all the cocaine in the United States is laced with a dangerous veterinary medicine, which is a livestock de-worming drug called levamisole, which enhances the effects of the cocaine but has been blamed for several deaths in U.S. hospitals because it weakens the immune systems. Dopamine levels are increased with the drug and it heightens the high of the cocaine. This is put on the coke in Colombia.
56:31 – Jah says he’s gotten some confirmations about Shake N’ Bake (Episode 181).
6:54 – Whitney Houston on Oprah Winfrey, responding to Oprah asking her about her drug of choice being weed combined with cocaine: “Rock cocaine.” Seth thinks weed should just be left out of the equation in this instance.
33:50 – Los Angeles has more weed dispensaries in this city than they have Starbucks
7:15 – Seth and Jonathan riff off some synonyms for cocaine: devil’s dandruff, booger sugar, Bolivian marching powder, Tubbs & Crockett, nose whiskey, etc.
11:31 – The EPA has a 40-page document on their website describing in detail how to clean out a meth lab
1:57 – In reference to a coaster that tells you if GHB or K is in your drink, J-dawg says he would gladly take the drink if the ladies passed on it
20:16 – A psychiatrist in South Carolina is doing trials with ecstacy. Banned by the government in 1985, the DEA has supplied him with potent samples of pure ecstacy for trials. He’s giving 12 people ecstacy and 12 people a sugar pill.
14:41 – The Massachusetts Oxycontin Commission calls oxycontin “a rocket ship to heroin.” The use of the pill has increased 950% in the last decade. Jah calls oxy “stairway to the stars.” Seth had a couple pills one night but he didn’t get to take them.
57:38 – You’ve heard of Faces of Meth (Episode 179, 2:45), but now there’s Faces of Influenza with normal people. The idea is that anyone can get it.
38:19 – Something you can get a grip of meth for is BMW car parts. A ring of professional thieves known as the “BMW Bandits” have been targeting cars all across the West Side, Mid-Wilshire and now the San Fernando Valley, stealing airbags and headlights out of the III and V series BMWs. The thieves carefully remove their wares and then sell them on the black market for several hundred dollars to cars that need replacements of the exact same things. Dealerships charge thousands for these.
28:46 – Abilify is used for depression as an add-on to Lexipro, Zoloft, Prozac, Efexor, Paxil, etc. Seth saw a commercial for it where the woman is wicked sad, and on the screen it says “Actor Portrayal,” just in case.
3:48 – People called UYD about Abilify (Episode 195, 28:46; Episode 162, 56:02) and one of the things people have mentioned as a result of taking it is “organ tremors” or “body shaking.” Seth went on a forum that discussed side effects, and some of the comments left included “…like a washing machine inside my body;” “…like someone is shaking me from inside” and “like I’ve been left ON, a low humming.”
4:58 – Seth recalls showing Jah the side effect packet for taking the bipolar medicine Seroquel (Episode 070, 21:02).
5:27 – Jah goes to places where he is made to believe that he has the best doctors and the best medicines that the world can have because of how privileged we are to live where we do, and his doctors have tried to give him Chantix (Episode 002, 42:09; Episode 084, 20:44; Episode 109, 16:50; Episode 118, 29:18; Episode 154, 11:18; for free so he can hit them up later if he wants more.
4:01 – Seth took an Adderall vacation over the holidays just to get his levels back. He was on 80 mgs a day, and now he’s tapering back to 20 mgs twice a day.
43:23 – Jah’s drug journey was opposite of most people, who start getting fucked up in high school and get mad fucked up in college, then you’re still on that wave for a few more years after getting spit out of college and all of a sudden you’re 30. For Jah, he got sober when he was 16 and didn’t go to college. He watched it happen to others and saw people who he thought there was no way they were alive again.
52:45 – Antidepressants have become the most commonly prescribed prescription drug in the U.S. More than 15 million adults spent more than $10 billion last year. A new study says that 70% of the people on them are having absolutely no benefit and need to be off of them.
34:36 – Seth says that medical marijuana game in Colorado is hot right now.
43:08 – Seth tells his mom about the psychotic things people do while on Chantix ((Episode 002, 42:09; Episode 084, 20:44; Episode 109, 16:50; Episode 118, 29:18; Episode 154, 11:18; Episode 196, 5:27).
9:39 – Maybe not a hot new drug, maybe it is – K2 or Spice (it also goes by “Genie” and “Zonie)” is a mixture of herbs and spices but it’s sprayed with JWH-018, a synthetic compound chemically similar to THC. Users roll up the shake into joints and smoke it. It’s banned in most of Europe and all over Missouri and Kansas, costing up to around $15 a gram. People are calling it “fake weed” or “faux weed.”
47:50 – Since Major League Baseball officially banned the use of all amphetamines, or “greenies,” in 2005, the number of players at this season’s spring training who have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD has shot up tremendously. The diagnosis allows players to be prescribed Adderall. Many say they are just using it as a game stimulant as opposed to addressing ADHD. Twenty-eight players in 2006 were exempt and allowed to be on Adderall. The number this year is going to be closer to 150.
33:14 – Bernie Carbo was a journeyman baseball player who played for the Red Sox in the World Series against the Cincinnati Reds in 1975. It was Game 6, the bottom of the eighth and they were four outs away from losing the Series to the Reds. Carbo was minding his own business when he was asked to come off the bench and pinch-hit with two men on base. He hit a three-run homerun to tie the game at 6-6. No one scored in the ninth, it went into extra innings and led to Carlton Fisk trying to wave the ball fair that went off the foul pole to win the game. Carbo was talking to the Boston Globe last week in an article about his life since he was out of baseball, referring to substance abuse problems. Referring to that particular game and night, “I probably smoked two joints, drank about three or four beers, got to the ballpark, took some amphetamines, took a pain pill, drank a cup of coffee, chewed some tobacco, had a cigarette, then got up to the plate and hit. … I probably played every game high. I was addicted to anything you could possibly be addicted to. I played the outfield sometimes where it looked like the stars were falling from the sky.” He also said he would toss baseballs into the stands to fans who would trade him for joints. He came into the big leagues with Cincinnati, and recalled the trainer tossing him his “vitamins” from the get-go.
36:44 – Jah recalls when he would get really fucked up, then restabilizing on the other point of fucked-up-ness, when he had his “sea legs” and knew how to do shit while being fucked up.
5:00 – Jah agrees that food nowadays is made like cocaine. Seth explains that chicken factories are basically naked women standing there working so they can’t sneak any nuggets for themselves.
41:07 – The guy who created oxycontin passed away. Dr. Mortimer Sackler, 93, was a psychiatrist that owned a small pharmaceutical company that developed oxycontin in 1995.
22:39 – Cosmetic neurology is brain boosting for ultimate brain performance. College students and professors are on the Adderall.
23:01 – Provigil is 100 milligrams of Modafinil (Episode 100 - Part I, 6:25). It’s a drug created for narcolepsy but has been given to 2 million people for brain enhancement. Doctors, fighter pilots and truck drivers are all taking it.
32:55 – Next month the FDA will consider greenlighting a drug called flibanserin – “the Viagra for women.” It was originally developed as an anti-depressant and the market is expected to be worth $2 billion.The pill would tinker with the brain chemicals to treat what they call “hypoactive sexual desire disorder.”
45:35 – When Jah took anti-depressants he noticed the effects were extreme in some ways. Seth asks Jah if he’s ever doubled up with an Adderall and Viagra. Jah claims he’s never taken an Adderall and he doesn’t think he’s ever taken a Viagra.
59:54 – For several years, Mexican drug cartels have targeted their methamphetamine operations to the Native American population of America. The government reports that all 560 independent sovereign tribes have seen an epidemic on the rise. There’s a national ad campaign aimed at American Indians whose meth use is twice as high as any other ethnic groups. One for teens says “We need Res Ball, we don’t need meth.” Res Ball is a fast-paced run-and-gun basketball league among reservation leagues. Jah then starts talking about how Native Americans and Asians have different enzymes from other races and they can’t metabolize them as well and that’s why their drunk is different from our drunk.
14:31 – The Center for Disease Control conducted their first survey looking at prescription drug abuse among American high school students. They found that at least 1 in 5 American high school students have taken a prescription drug without a physician’s prescription. This includes oxycontin, percocet, vicodin, adderall, Ritalin and xanax. The abuse was most common among the whites.
23:24 – In Santa Clarita Valley in Southern California they formed a community task force to address a new problem among their senior citzens’ doctors and pharmacists. Dozens of reports have come in of people targeting the garbage behind senior living facilities in search of prescription bottles that have been discarded. They are looking for any leftover pills and leftover vials, then going in and pretending to be the seniors’ grandchildren and refill their vicodin, extra-strength Tylenol, ambient, percosets, etc.
59:55 – The first winning strain of the High Times San Francisco Medical Cannabis Cup was “God’s Pussy.”
2:13 – Seth reads an article about “Hippie Crack: Inside the Nitris Mafia.” It’s an east coast hippie crack ring. Their ballooning business comes to a music fest near you. During the summer concert season, two rings – one based in Boston and one in Philly – sell balloons at $5 a pop. If you can get 350 balloons in a tank, these guys can make $300,000 in a weekend festival. In the article they showed people holding up signs that said I NEED GAS. Festivals like “All Good” in the mountains of West Virginia have a section called “Wookie Nitris Cove” and “Gathering of the Vibes” in Connecticut has “Nitris Alley.” Nitris is regulated by the FDA. The ring has kitchen supply stores that they buy hundreds of tanks from with phoney restaurant licenses. A lot of the guys are ex-cons and dirtbags. The Wrecking Crew are true Deadheads down on Shakedown Street. Cops and EMTs say the main problem is finding teeth and everyone is dropping after huffing it.
5:22 – Jah said that doing nitris around asphalt is dangerous, however, he retells a fun hippie nitris game he used to play (Episode 093, 40:34). Two guys or girls participate in a type of horse-sack race in a grassy area. They take a nitris balloon and take turns huffing it in and out and then try to run as fast as they can in a straight line. Seth says it’s kind of like a dizzy bat race.
17:31 – There was a huge rave that went down in LA recently and a girl died from ecstacy and they canceled all raves thereafter.
38:54 – Drugs Inc. on NatGeo featured heroin, cocaine, meth and marijuana. Meth was Seth’s favorite. Jah explains that meth is “the chemiest, chem-o-chem, chemmy, chem-chem-chem-chem. It is the most toxic, poisonous… it would burn through the earth if you just poured it on the street. It kills anything in its sight. To call it a drug—you couldn’t even call it that. … A drug fucks with synapses. This thing burns holes in your face and mind.”
26:06 – In Wall Street news, drug testing firm Sterling Info Systems shows that cocaine use is going down on Wall Street while marijuana use is going up. In 2007, 16% of positive testing tested for cocaine. In 2009 it dropped to 7%. Marijuana use went from 64% of positive tests in 2007 to 80% in 2009.
4:49 – Seth and Jah coin a new nickname for Kevin Federline, “K Grave” or “K Hole.” (Episode 082, 51:35)
6:14 – Seth has consumed the edible psilocybin, let it go into his system, run its course and do what it do. Seth has done mushrooms a gang of times, and would say for the most part that he had awesome trips. He never had a truly bad experience on mushrooms. Jah then says ecstacy is euphoric and the the argument about using it with cancer patients is it gives you goosebumps and the need for backrubs, yet doesn’t rip away your ego like mushrooms do – so they can better deal with the end of their lives.
26:19 – Two robbers armed with semi-automatic handguns wearing sweatshirts with the word POLICE on them abducted a pharmaceutical delivery man outside a Rite-Aid in Sherman Oaks. They were in a four-door Honda, the dude pulled up in a truck, one of them put a gun to his head, got in the truck with him and they drove away. The dude in the Honda followed them, they pistol-whipped the fool, took everything out of the truck, left everything at a gas station and got in another vehicle and drove away with thousands of dollars of oxycontin. Police said this was not the first time this kind of event had taken place.
28:53 – Seth loves drugs and he’s down with people doing everything, but something tells him that if everything was made legal, shit would be exponentially worse. Jah doesn’t disagree, but he says it would allow for poppy fields to be grown in North America and not abroad. Jah thinks it would need to be government-sanctioned for it to properly work.
3:25 – There’s a new birth control called “Mirena.” Their slogan on their website is “Keep life simple.” The commercial for the drug features a very attractive mother of 2 in a supermarket and her kids are going buck-wild. She’s walking around wondering if she forgot to take her pill. Cut back to the house and they’re going buck-wild in the house. She then says to herself, “I think two’s plenty.”
16:01 – An article in the Wall Street Journal talks about chemists and laboratory-adept entrepreneuers who are constantly creating new psychoactive drugs in the so-called “legal high” market. The first drug Jah thought of that constituted a legal high was herbal ecstacy. These new powders and pills work and are marketed as not for human consumption, and they’re sold over the internet. Twenty-four new party drugs were invented in the last year alone. Officials crack down on them, and by the time that’s happened the companies have already sold a buttload of money and have begun developing a new one. Chemists get their ideas by scanning scientific literature and papers about mind-alterting substances. There’s a pharmacologist at Purdue University who has been invaluable with his work in brain receptors and the breakdowns of psychoactive chemicals and their makeups.
37:26 – They busted a DMT lab at Georgetown University. This is a stretch for Seth, who remembers putting towels under the door and taking fabric softener in the empty toilet paper rolls and then blow the smoke out.
51:00 – A senior at Wesleyan University who was assigned a 24-hour take-home exam went to the Wesleyan Honor Code Review Committee and said his classmates were “cheating.” It’s the same as plagiarism because they all took study drugs to get through the tests – Ritalin and Adderall – taken by prescription or from friends. The senior likened it to an athlete taking performance-enhancing drugs and the review board disagreed.
27:22 – Meth Check – an electronic monitoring system allows pharmacies in the U.S. (16,000 of them) in real time to know whether someone is attempting to buy pseudoephedrine and has already succeeded the limit. It stops the person’s ability to “smurf” store-to-store. Oregon and Mississippi are the only states that require a doctor’s prescription to purchase pseudoephedrine.
52:16 – The bulletin of the AARP magazine featured a statistic that said 200,000 Americans ages 50 and older were admitted to U.S. substance sbuse treatment centers in 2008.
1:02:00 – Invega Sustenna is a new once-monthly injection for schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is seeing/hearing/sensing things that are not there, believing that what other people say is not true, not trusting others and feeling very suspicious, avoiding family and friends and wanting to be alone. (Seth doesn’t know a person who doesn’t commit to all of these four key symptoms.) The exact way that Invega Sustenna works is not known. Seek immediate medical help if you have an erection lasting more than four hours. It can also cause development of breasts in men.
14:50 – Wired magazine recently listed narcotics confiscated at a recent Phish concert in Atlantic City. The list goes as such: 70 tanks of nitris oxide (aka NOS, hippie crack and wah-wah), 551 grams of weed, 86 marijuana edibles, 184 grams of mushrooms, 22 doses of ketamine, 34 grams of molly, 60 hits of ecstacy, 30 grams of cocaine, 2 grams of heroin, 395 hits of acid (4 sheets), 21 LSD cookies and 26 pills of oxycontin.
13:52 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the new crazy-ass drug that’s prescribed for psoriasis where you shoot it up yourself. The trials for it haven’t exceeded two years and the shit they’re saying it could do to you could make it the most dangerous drug ever.
19:12 – Jah finds the name of the crazy psoriasis drug: Stelara. Jah says to keep talking while he pulls up a list of the side effects.
33:55 – The Los Angeles County Public Health Department is beginning to distribute flyers at rave events that give tips on how to “minimize potential harms of ecstacy, MDMA (methylenedioxymethamphetamine) … take frequent breaks … let your body cool and rest … stay hydrated … sip or take small gulps of water and non-caffeinated sports drinks like Gatorade to replenish your electrolytes … keep an eye on your friends and say together … aim low, dose and frequency. Risks increase with larger doses. Stacking. … Re-dosing when you start to come down. … You could also just stay away. The only way to completely avoid the risks of ecstacy is to avoid the drug entirely. Enjoy the music and the dancing instead.”
38:51 – Employer drug testing firm Quest Diagnostics reports seeing dramatic increases of on-the-job use of prescription opiates such as vicodin and oxycontin.
1:02:24 – Jah touches back on Stelara. It’s a biologic where you’re injecting yourself with biological stuff. It’s a problem because biologics tend not to show their effects until they’re on the market for a while and this one hasn’t even been trial tested for more than 2 years.
15:12 – They’ve made a new oxycontin that’s basically uncrushable. You can still eat them but you can’t shoot them into a vein.
58:22 – According to the New York Division of Criminal Justice, more than 50,000 people were arrested last year in New York City for possession of marijuana. The Drug Policy Alliance says New York City is the “marijuana arrest capital of the world.”
34:49 – Missouri has held a title for some time, being the No. 1-leading state in meth lab seizures and busts, but for the first time since 2003, Tennessee has usurped them and taken the title. However, a spokesperson for the DEA said all the real facts and figures won’t come in until July. It seems as though Iowa and Kentucky are in contention and making a move.
17:37 – Owsley Stanley passed away this past week. He was born in 1935 and died in 2011. He was known as the Acid King of the 60s Psychedelic Era. He made more than 1 million hits of what Rolling Stone magazine called “the best LSD in the world, the genuine Owsley.” He found an acid recipe in the UC-Berkeley library and he started a lab with a female chemistry major he knew. Owsley was also The Grateful Dead’s sound engineer, creating a wall of sound – several PA systems slung together that allowed the band to be arranged through the speaker system and phase canceling that featured two mics, one which was phase-reversed to pick up the speakers playing behind it and allowing the performers to hear themselves better and not have the speaker go through the system. He also co-designed with Bob Thomas the band’s logo of the skull emblazoned with a lightning bolt (aka a “Steal Your Face”). He was nicknamed “Bear” for the chest hair he sported as an adolescent. His quote to Rolling Stone: “I remember the first time I took acid and walked outside, and the cars were kissing the parking meters.” He has a daughter named Redbird and a son named Starfinder. He was a famous carnivore who once said that eating broccoli contributed to the heart attack he had. He moved to Australia 30 years ago to avoid natural disasters. He was in a car accident in a storm and died at the scene – his wife, a passenger in the car, survived.
58:43 – There were a couple medical marijuana dispensary raids on Tuesday in West Hollywood, Calif.
28:59 – Jah says that cigarettes are a gateway drug because you know early on that it’s detrimental and what you get from it isn’t enough to warrant that it’s detrimental. That mindset is abusive, he says. Seth feels this way about Uncle Eddie’s vegan oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Jah doesn’t know any drug addicts who are non-smokers.
13:10 – Seth reads in The Daily Beast about America’s top pot-smoking cities. Nowhere on the list was Los Angeles. Seth says there’s so much weed in that city that there are marijuana edibles in Seth’s fridge and no one touches them.
49:08 – Nitris races (Episode 093, 40:34) are where at least two people take balloons and bend over with the balloon in their mouth, suck it in and blow it out, taking nitris every time for 10 times. You immediately start running and everyone else laughs at the results. Jah said it’s super dangerous and stupid because you pass out while you’re running.
43:22 – An underground website lets you buy any drug. It’s called Silk Road. The drugs are sent from Canada and paid for using “bit coins,” untraceable e-currency.
11:01 – Drug rings from Mexico have taken to the sky. There is an ultra-light aircraft ferry that delivers pot over the U.S.-Mexico border. They fly low and slow over the border. Their wings are painted black and motors hum faintly under the moonlit skies. The pilots, sometimes armed in the open cockpits, steer the horizontal control bar with one hand and pull a latch with the other, releasing 250-pound payloads that land with a thud – leaving craters as the only evidence of another smuggling run. Mexican organized crime groups, increasingly stymied by stepped-up enforcement on land, have dug tunnels and captained boats to get drugs across the U.S.-Mexico border. Now they are taking to the skies, using ultralight aircraft that resemble motorized hang gliders to drop marijuana bundles in agricultural fields and desert scrub across the Southwest border. What began with a few flights in Arizona in 2008 is now common from Texas to California's Imperial Valley and, mostly recently, San Diego, where at least two ultralights suspected of carrying drugs have been detected flying over Interstate 8, according to U.S. border authorities. The number of incursions by ultralights reached 228 in the last federal fiscal year ending Sept. 30, almost double from the previous year. Seventy-one have been detected in this fiscal year through April, according to border authorities.
16:10 – Seth asks listener to go to MyFox8.com (Greensboro/High Point/Winston-Salem, N.C.), where you can find new Faces of Meth pictures.
31:36 – Scott’s Miracle-Gro has long sold weed killer, and now they are hoping to help people grow killer weed. In an unlikely move for the head of a major company, Scott’s chief executive Jim Hagedorn said he’s exploring targeting medical marijuana as well as other niches to help boost sales in his lawn and garden company. “I want to target the pot market. There’s no good reason why we haven’t.” Sales at Scott’s rose 5% last year to $2.9 billion, but the Marysville, Ohio company relies on sales at three key retailers – Home Depot, Lowe’s and Wal-mart. Nearly 2/3 of their revenue come from those three stores. With consumers still cautious about spending, those retailers aren’t building new stores as quickly as they used to – making growth for suppliers like Scott’s harder to come by. Against that backdrop, Mr. Hagedorn has pushed his regional sales presidents to look for smaller pockets of growth such as the marijuana market that could produce a notable bump in sales. Sixteen states have legalized medical marijuana, the largest being California and Colorado. The market will reach $1.7 billion in sales this year according to a report by See Change Strategy LLC, an information data services company. While the report focuses on revenue from growers and dispenseries, the president of See Change, Kris Lotlikar, said the market for companies selling hydroponic equipment and professional services is also thriving. “We see very good growth for these types of companies as the medical-marijuana business grows,” he said.
36:06 – Taunton, Mass., Kingsbury, Ind., and Ludington, Mich. – they all have one thing in common: meth addicts at work, stealing railroad tracks. A train actually went off the tracks in Taunton because of these assholes. They’re using welding torches and bulldozers to do it.
37:28 – Researchers at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine have been studying the effects of psilocybin, a chemical found in some psychedelic mushrooms, that is credited with inducing transcendental states. Now they say they’ve zeroed in on a perfect dosage level to produce transformative and mystical and spiritual experiences that offer long-lasting life-changing benefits while carrying little risk of negative reactions. The breakthrough could speed the day when doctors use psilocybin – long viewed skeptically for its association with 1960s countercultural thrill seekers – for a range of valuable clinical functions, like easing the anxiety of terminally ill patients, treating depression and PTSD and helping smokers quit. Already, studies in which depressed cancer patients were given the drug have reported positive results. “I’m not afraid to die anymore,” one participant told the lookout.
42:04 – A.J. Daulerio, the editor of the sports blog Deadspin, set up MLB 2K11 on Xbox 360 in his living room and custom designed Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis (Episode 147, 30:40) to be a pitcher for the 2011 Pirates playing against the 2011 San Diego Padres and attempted to recreate the June 12, 1970 game where Ellis threw a no-hitter on acid. Daulerio dropped acid and tried to throw a hitter on the game while on acid. They tried 49 times and spent 5 hours before he had to get out of there and get a pizza. The longest outing was 4 2/3 innings.
7:10 – Seth read an article about the Mexican cocaine cartel – the Cinaloa cartel. The drug trafficker was going to a psychic in Compton while the DEA was listening in on all of his calls.
21:07 – There’s been a lot of talk about Oxy Babies, which are the modern-day crack babies. From Seth’s research, the earliest findings of oxy babies were in Boston in 2002.
23:28 – Seth took oxycontin at a party in 2001
52:00 – U.S. Department of Labor statistics on drug abuse in the American workforce say that 60% of adults with substance abuse problems are currently working full-time jobs
45:16 – Jah understands there is a drug problem, but a bigger problem than drugs themselves are addictions in their entirety. People can be addicted to so many other things besides drugs. If you were to legalize drugs within the country and control them and allow people within this country to grow, process and be compensated for the cultivation of those drugs, you would probably be able to generate enough income to not only fix the deficit but also seek a solution for addiction in its entirety. If free drug trade and cultivation were allowed through governments, you would fix the global economy as well.
3:25 – Marcia just railed some bath salts so she’s revved up and ready to go. She also drank some almond champagne.
56:00 – Drug companies are working to develop a purer, more powerful version of a highly abused medicine which has addiction experts worried it could spark a new wave of 2012 abuse. The new pills contain the highly addictive painkiller hydrocodone but packs 10 times the amount that an existing vicodin would have. A company in San Diego called Zogenix has applied to start marketing the product next year under the name Zohydro. If approved, it would mark the first time patients could legally buy pure hydrocodone. Existing products take the hydrocodone but combine it with the non addictive painkiller acetominophen. Critics are worried because Zohydro is a time-released drug meant for severe pain.
18:30 – Jah asks Seth if he ever came across microdots – little baby pills of LSD that were popular when they were younger. He said nobody talks about them anymore but he remembers people saying so much about them before he knew what they were.
36:39 – Seth recalls doing ketamine in Pasadena. (Episode 082, 51:35)
6:01 – Seth salutes UYD hero of the week Deputy Brett King, who invented Faces of Meth.
43:51 – Seth read an article about women who are pregnant and the delicate balance for those who need antidepressants – they don’t want the baby to be an addict but there’s dangerous repercussions for being depressed.
12:14 – Speaking of ecstacy, a report was published that taking the hallucinogen during pregnancy may harm the health of the fetus and lead to poor motor control in infants.
37:08 – Jonathan didn’t know that steroids are so illegal. He doesn’t understand why, because it should only be a controlled substance in places where there are rules against using them.
29:30 – Former Boston Red Sox pitcher Oil Can Boyd divulged on E:60 last week that he used to do coke before every game he played. He did the interview wearing a Red Sox jacket that said “Oil Can” on it. He would keep crack rocks in the bill of his cap while he pitched.
]]>29:02 – Gym class or P.E.? Boston and LA duke it out
40:20 – How many Americans have died in car accidents since the invention of the automobile? 1 million Americans have died in wars since the American Revolution. 2.5 million Americans have died on the road
55:27 – Seth asks Jah if he would rather sleepwalk, sleep drive or sleep eat after taking a crushed-up Ambien. Jah chooses sleep driving just so he can tell the story
37:19 – Seth: “Would you rather have your wife leave you for a 14-year-old boy or another woman.” Jah: “Another woman, because I’d be forced to kill that prick, and that would suck.”
52:15 –Jonathan has to watch one of the following: A) A hogdogging rodeo (how many seconds it takes for the pit bull to drop the hog); B) good old-fashioned Puerto Rico cockfight with long blades; or C) gander pull (hang goose feet first, race by and try to rip head off). Jah chooses a cockfight.
15:13 – Kentucky Derby ’06 (Seth makes up game off the cuff)
54:48 – Jah must guess ringtones after using Seth’s clues
6:00 – Preakness – Seth makes all nine horses up: “I feel bad for the listeners, they can’t see the full ruse I just pulled on him.”
24:19 – Seth: “Who would win, Helen Hunt’s forehead or Reese Witherspoon’s forehead?” Jah: “Reese Witherspoon’s, because it’s more All-American.” Seth: “You’re right, Helen Hunt has a Commy forehead.”
15:57 – Belmont Stakes – Seth tricks Jonathan by pulling a full Kevin Spacey-Kobayashi Coffee Mug-Usual Suspects up in his grill: “Turn around sir. There’s Hot Tracks! There’s Duke of Hazzard! There’s Joe Louis! There’s Gumball! There’s Sun Records! There’s Pitchfork! There’s Sun Records and there’s Magical Musical Thing!”
16:43 – What’s the periodic abbreviation for gold? Answer: Au (“A! U! Bring me back my gold chain!”)
49:58 – Jah has to do impersonations of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Yoda and Shaggy
57:25 – Seth: “What if I chewed Nicorette and Copenhagen and smoked a cigarette while you poured Nicowater down my throat and stuck nicotine patches on the small of my back? What would happen to me?” Jah: “You would have a heart attack.” Seth whistles.
56:21 – What would be worse? Getting fingered by Paul Giamatti or having to fuck Nicole Richey? Jah: “Nicole Richey.”
56:52 – Seth: “Two movies, which would you rather see: Clerks 2 or Lady In The Water?” Jah: “I would see Lady In The Water but I got physically violent after seeing The Village.”
0:36 – Two new foods have been created, which will Jah eat a lot of? A) North Carolina’s Sunny Skies Ice Cream Shop’s new flavor – Cold Sweat – features 3 kinds of hot peppers and 2 kinds of hot sauce; B) Pennsylvania butcher creates a peanut butter hot dog – 25-pound experimental batch sold out instantly … Jah chooses the hot dog, abandoning all of his personal ethics
38:50 – Seth: “Do you like Anne Heche straight or gay?” Jah: “Gay.” Seth: “Do you like Steve Martin straight or gay?” Jah: “Gay.”
5:34 – Jonathan trying to sing Top 10 songs of 1986, as listed by Seth (J-dog can only sing 3)
33:38 – Seth gives Jah 12 make and models and Jah has to tell him which chassies align
31:22: Jah: “Do you think it’s worse to bone down on an able-minded 11-year-old or a mentally handicapped one? Because obviously, from a mere guttural knee-jerk reaction you want to say it’s worse to do it with a mental, but probably the emotional impact of doing it to a mental is less because their capacity is diminished.” Seth: “OK, that’s a bold, psychotic statement you’ve made.”
52:57 – Jah has to create a poem using the words “Asafa Powell.”
2:43 – Real planets/fake planets game
5:40 – PBR 5 real bulls, 5 fake bulls
22:54 – Seth: “Who would you rather kick the shit out of, Howie Mandel or John Stossel?” Jonathan: “No question, John Stossel.”
26:07 – Jonathan: “Would you rather watch however many episodes it would take to make up a feature length film (2 episodes) of Jericho OR watch the Robin Williams/Laura Linney movie coming out (Man of the Year)?” Seth: “You can watch Patch Adams and Mrs. Doubtfire as a double feature or Man of the Year one and a half times.” Jonathan: “Man of the Year.” Seth: “How about a 90-minute lunch at the Ivy with Robin Williams or being locked in a jail cell with all the people from TCAP that have ever been arrested.” Jonathan: “I’d have to go with TCAP.”
56:52 – Seth: “Have you joined the mile high club?” Jonathan: “Does jacking off count?” Seth: “Yes. … No.”
43:25 – Jah has to say “Ku Klux Klansman outfits” three times fast and fails miserably
26:51 – Five real hobos, five Seth hobo names. Jah gets 6 of 10 correct
1:01:46 – Jah has to say “restroom” three times fast and says it wicked slow
17:27 – Top 100 names of 2006 for newborn babies. Jonathan has to name 5 of top 10 boy names but can’t get a single one
22:34 – Jah: “Would you rather get your teeth knocked out and raped or would you rather be fast-tracked to the lethal injection chair where they’re guaranteed to botch it?”
22:34 – Jonathan and Seth play out scene of grandmother putting baby through X-ray machine: Jah has to work in phrases “my bad,” “it’s all good” and “uhh yeah dude” in Spanish:
36:24 – Jonathan doing Bobby McFerrin’s “Blackbird”
17:58 – 5 real full moons/5 fake full moons
35:54 – Jonathan: “Who would you rather get fucked by? Tom Sizemore or Mike Madsen.” Seth: Michael Madsen, because he would read poetry afterward, making it somehow seem justified.”
43:25 – Seth: “Would you rather be fucked by Sizemore or probed by aliens in Sedona?” Jah: “Probed by aliens in Sedona.”
0:29 – Seth: “What’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten in your life? You know what mine was? The Cinnamon Melt I had this morning at 7:15 at the McDonald’s on Western.” Jah had a peanut butter-honey-and-Cookie Crisp sandwich he had one night when he was stoned that he thought was the best. His other was a Paul Prudom hand made filet mignon at K Paul’s in the French quarter – sauce took three days to make
0:58 – Seth: “What’s the capital of North Dakota?” Jah: “I couldn’t name a single city in North Dakota or South Dakota.” Seth’s hint is that it’s the greatest African American rapper of all time (Biz Markie), for Bismarck. Neither can name the capital of South Dakota, which is Pierre
14:31 – Seth: “Would you rather get shot in the balls or the throat.” Jah: “Balls. I’d rather get shot in the balls.”
34:27 – Jah has to say “Rancho Cucamonga” three times fast and succeeds
5:09 – Jonathan teaching Seth text/IM abbreviations
1:47 – Top 5 songs in 1984 vs. top 5 songs today
1:10 – Jonathan and Seth play out Miss Rhode Island answering question about banning anything in the world (cell phones while driving)… Miss Tennessee answering if she could be any man – “Will Smith”
17:27 – Kentucky Derby preview – Jonathan gets 2 of 10 correct
22:45 – Jonathan says he’ll do a Grateful Dead tunes game for Seth next week
12:08 – Jonathan has to distinguish the smell-a-vision scents
14:00 – Ten real Derby horses, 10 fake Derby horses and 10 Dead songs – Jonathan misses two of the Dead song which is a big problem for him
19:32 – Jonathan gives one real and two fake Dead songs to Seth – Seth doesn’t get a single one correct
15:21 – Billboard singles for 1982 vs. 2007
52:39 – Preakness horses – Jonathan goes 0 for 5
7:46 – Hollywood Park horses – 5 real horses, Jah must pick Seth’s winner
48:47 – Three Belmont horses
22:18 – Jah gives Seth two choices, both from the same year, Jah’s 10th grade year: A) Jah’s school paper write-up on his two-week field trip to Mexico (can’t include the fact he was smoking cocaine and watching Mexican porn on a projector in his room); or B) His book report on A Clockwork Orange. Seth chooses Clockwork but says the Mexico trip will be included in Episode 070
49:57 – Jah: “Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Seth: “Don’t even start this with me. No one in the world would disagree with me. (bangs his head) Oww! What was that Seth? I’m blind. I just walked into something. Hey we’ll see you somewhere Seth. Oh no we won’t, you’re blind.” Jah: “Hey what are you doing Seth? I’m listening to Dark Side of the Moon. Oh, I can’t hear it and have my life changed because I’m deaf.” Seth: “Fuck! Let’s just agree to disagree.”
50:34 – Seth: “Would you rather be punched in the throat or kicked in the balls?” Both would rather be kicked in the balls.
52:46 – Seth: “What would you rather listen to: Avril Lavigne or Jack Johnson singing John Lennon’s “Imagine?” Jah goes with Jack Johnson.
58:20 – Seth sets stage for Jonathan’s first-runner-up screaming orgasm
48:26 – Seth and J-dog do the scene where Corey Feldman sits down with some news for Corey Haim
15:56 – Iraqi War Operations vs. Epic Fiction Novels – Jonathan gets one correct
58:51 – Jah can’t think of Tim McGraw’s name, which Seth is withholding from him. Jah says he hates it when Seth won’t let him off the hook with his name.
26:14 – 7 Real/fake jam band names: Jah gets 4 out of 7 correct
3:03 – Seth has Jonathan do his Schwarzenegger voice to say “California Republicans are dying at the box office!” Jah says his impression is not very good
16:59 – Jonathan is sent a transcript of an iChat conversation between Cassie and Crow, ripping on the real name and fake name games
5:34 – Jah has to name the 6 cheeses on the Papa John’s 6-cheese pizza. He only gets 2 of them correct
35:35 – Jah and Seth improvise some verbs for what they would rather do to breast cancer than “lick it,” as Yoplait advertised
4:46 – Since 1999, how many times has Google altered its logo? Jah does some wicked crazy math in his head, then answers “700.” Correct answer is 140.
21:49 – Jah: “Would you rather chew two pieces of Orbit Mint Mojito gum or drink one mojito at the Ivy on Robertson?” Seth: “Is the mojito a virgin mojito?” Jah: “It can be.” Seth: “Will I be guaranteed an A-list celebrity?” Jah: “Yes.” Seth: “I will chew the gum.”
8:05 – Seth and Jah play the pronunciation game with Carribean, Oregon and Potato; then shift to the preference game with pigpile/dogpile, recess/nutrition, bubbler/water fountain and pop/soda.
17:35 – Trivia question. Seth: “How many Pinkberry stores are there in the Los Angeles area?” Jah: “21.” The answer is 29. (Seven in NYC)
37:43 – Who is going to voice KITT in the new Knight Rider TV movie (airing Feb. 17, 2008)? Jah guesses it correctly after some key clues from Seth – Will Arnett
47:17 – Seth hands Jah a note, he has to read it out loud and do what it says. Note reads Could you please sing the following two jingles: “Let’s go Outback tonight,” and “Every kiss begins with Kay.” Jah doesn’t know the Outback tune but he does the Kay Jewelers one to perfection.
1:07:37 – Jah does another “Every kiss begins with Kay” with an audio echo
3:03 – Seth announces that Jah will play the different color M&M game where he has to tell Seth the color after tasting them with eyes closed.
13:17 – After Jah’s pallet is cleansed, he plays the game – and gets all three of his attempts wrong. Claims that when he was a kid he got 87% right out of 20 M&Ms;
57:23 – Jah wants another M&M try, guesses incorrectly
1:04:54 – Jah poses question “How many states have two names?” Both are confident that there are nine: North Carolina, South Carolina, North Dakota, South Dakota, New York, New Mexico, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and West Virginia. However, they forgot New Jersey.
17:20 – Jah impersonates Sean Connery announcing Queen Latifah as Best Supporting Actress
46:38 – Real/fake new Valentine’s Day 2008 messages on Necco heart-shaped candies. Jah nails all six that Seth throws at him. This is the first game that Jonathan has ever aced in UYD history. Seth is flabbergasted
0:15 – Seth: “Do you want to have Teeth rip your prick off with her spiked vag, would you rather have Rambo come up from behind you and cut your throat, would you rather check your e-mail and have Diane Lane cut your face or would you rather dance until you dropped in How She Move?
13:03 – Jah: “What would you rather have done? The faggot test or the soccer ball?” Seth has no answer. Fag test from Episode 61 is re-explained
47:20 – Seth asks Jah what two components new cars are missing since the Model T – a car lighter/ash tray and a metal external radio antenna – instead will be replaced with an extra cupholder and a built-in antenna on the windshield, respectively
7:39 – Hip-hop artists and their real names – Jah gets a couple correct
10:06 – Television hangouts – Jah nails a few. … Seth: “The Regal Beagle?” Jah: “Umm…. Quantum Leap.” (10:28)
50:16 – Seth asks what the Guinness record for the number of people fitting into a Mini Cooper was. Jah guesses 32, then 19, then 21, before finally getting the correct answer: 22
4:49 – Seth hands something to Jah to read, and he has to read it aloud immediately: I’M SOFA KING, WE TODD IT. Jah knows the joke, but Seth fell for it when someone handed it to him and made him read it over and over again until they’re on the floor laughing hysterically
13:22 – Seth gets Jah to sing the Every kiss begins with Kay song he originally did in Episode 095
16:00 – Seth hands Jah another phrase that he has to read out loud the second he gets it: MY DIXIE WRECKED
45:54 – Jah: “Would you rather be shot or stabbed?” Seth: “I’d rather be stabbed, because then I could yell “Oh my god I just got stabbed!!”
58:49 – Seth bets Jonathan $50 that he can dance better than him. Jonathan has seen the moonwalk so he thinks it would be a chump’s bet
51:39 – Jah does some lightning and thunder clack sound effects, followed by raindrops falling into an Ed Begley ceramic jug
52:18 – Jah does sound effects of the movie theater about to start at The Grove when the opening credits are about to roll
15:14 – Jah has to name 5 animals that exist off the top of his head: hyena, canary, polar bear, monkey and zebra
21:51 – Jah: “What would you rather see? New Kids on the Today show or Coachella?” Seth: “Are you kidding me? Joey McIntyre or Amir?”
33:53 – Jonathan has to impersonate Bobby Clampett at the Masters using the word “Chinaman” in his broadcast: Thank you for joining us, we’re back today. We’re on the 9th hole on the putting green. The Chinaman is 2-under par at the moment. It’s been a pretty good day for him so far. You know, I was thinking, What’s it like for a Chinaman to be standing around here with a lot of non-Chinamen.”
57:34 – Seth gives Jah some of the top 10 singles in the U.S. from 1988, and Jah proceeds to sing six of them: Billy Ocean’s “Get Outta My Dreams;” INXS’s “Devil Inside;” Whitney Houston’s “Where Do Broken Hearts Go;” Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror;” Terence Trent D’Arby’s “Wishing Well;” and Aerosmith’s “Angel.” 1988 would’ve been Seth’s frosh year of high school, and Jonathan was 11 at the time (no pubes, not yet driving)
12:26 – Jah: “If there was one bodily function you had to pick that you could get uncontrollable about, what would it be?” Seth: “Umm, crying.”
20:13 – 5 real horses, 5 fake horses in this Sunday’s Kentucky Derby. Jonathan gets 1 of 5 correct
11:04 – Jah sings Seth another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay” in honor of Mother’s Day, then does his Valentine’s Day version, P-Funk version and Cinco de Mayo version
0:58 – Seth gives Jah the answer in Jeopardy!-style fashion: $89.75. Jah: “What is the price to fill up my mom’s gas tank last week?”
25:44 – Preakness horse game: One horse is running the Preakness, one is made up by Seth, one is a strain of medicinal marijuana. Jonathan gets 1 of 7 correct
8:28 – Jah: “What do you think’s cooler, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Wayne’s World?” Seth: “Bill & Ted’s.” Jah: “You’re wrong. Which one is cooler to reference today?” Seth: “Bill & Ted’s.” Jah: “That’s also true.”
13:48 – Belmont Stakes – 5 real horses, 5 fake horses and 5 strains of medicinal marijuana: Jonathan is spot on with naming the first option correct for each question, but only gets one of the triple-choice questions completely correct
19:07 – Seth gives Jah the top 10 singles from 25 years ago, and Jah has to sing a part of each song that he knows: 10) Madness – “Our House;” 9) Styx – “Don’t Let It End;” 8) The Kinks – “Come Dancing;” 7) Culture Club – “Time;” 6) Michael Jackson – “Wanna Be Startin’ Something;” 5) Kajagoogoo – “Too Shy;” 4) Sergio Mendes – “Never Gonna Let You Go;” 3) Irene Cara – “Flashdance – What a Feeling;” 2) Eddy Grant – “Electric Avenue;” 1) The Police – “Every Breath You Take”
47:55 – Seth plays “Fuck, Marry or Kill” with Jonathan, giving him Asimo, The Iron Giant and Wall-E. Jah chooses to marry Asimo, fuck Wall-E and kill Iron Giant
18:10 – Seth gives Jah the top 10 singles from this week in 1988 and Jah has to sing a chorus or line from them. Jah only knows Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine – “1-2-3;” Terrence Trent Darby – “Sign Your Name;” and Def Leppard – “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
13:13 – Seth reads six store names and Jah has to say if he’s ever been in one – Forever 21 (yes), TJ Maxx (yes), BJ’s Wholesale (no), Officemax (yes), Boston Market (yes), Sports Authority (yes), Barnes & Noble (yes) – since there were 6,000 credit card numbers recently stolen from these businesses
51:35 – Princeton Review releases top 10 colleges for pot use, and Jah has to guess them. He gets UC-Santa Cruz at #6, and Colorado at #3. Rounding out the top 10: Vermont (#4), Warren Wilson College (#2), Bard College (#1), New College of Florida in Sarasota (#5), Hamshire College (#8), Eugene Lang College (#9), Sarah Lawrence College (#10)
30:40 – Seth asks Jah to name the only 2 movies when two heavyweight actors like De Niro and Pacino in Righteous Kill were put on screen together. Jah guesses Tango & Cash (third), Marlboro Man was #2 and the Hallmark movie starring Seth and John Larroquette (McBride: Anybody Here Murder Marty?). Jah reveals that he and Amir did the sweet soundtrack for that movie
42:18 – Jah asks Seth what he would do if he had a vagina for a 24-hour period of time. Seth: “I would cover it up and I wouldn’t let a fuckin’ soul see it. I’d put that think on lockdown. No one’s getting a look at this beautiful flower. Back off, jack off.” Jah claims he would play with it a lot
24:21 – Seth asks Jah to name three people who could never go wrong in his book. Jah says Daft Punk, Johnny Depp, Guttenberg and possibly Jeff Goldblum and Justice
39:39 – Seth: “What if I told you I liked Ben Stiller and Jay Mohr – what would you say?” Jah: “I’d say that it is 1993. I’m saying you’re watching Flirting With Disaster.”
31:29 – Seth revisits the Blind vs. Deaf debate with Jonathan. Jah still says he would rather be blind, while Seth finds that to be ridiculous. Jah thinks he wouldn’t remember how to talk because he couldn’t hear himself, but Seth thinks he could because he could hear for 31 years. Seth: “I wouldn’t just immediately start running into shit if you gouged my eyes out, I would calmly sit down and assess the situation. I wouldn’t start running headfirst into shit like I don’t know my living room! I don’t know my living room! Yes you do, dude. Take a breath and sit down. But I’m fucking blind I can’t see! We know that. You don’t have to run into shit.
19:20 – Seth asks Jah if he knows both his license plate number and driver’s license number – Jah does, but Seth says most people do not.
7:59 – Seth learned a new trick this week and asks Jah if he’s ever heard of it – The Land O Lakes Butter Maiden Trick. You take an exacto knife, cut out the panel that shows her with her arms outstretched, then cut the bottom where her knees are to make it where it bends up and her knees become her breasts, and they’re awesome
22:46 – Jonathan sings another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” per Seth’s request
39:19 – Jonathan hums the Jeopardy! theme because Seth requests it. Seth then quizzes Jah on the Final Jeopardy! question: It’s the year 1888. He’s the first black man to earn a vote for president at a major party convention. Jah nails the answer: “Is it Frederick Douglass?”
35:05 – Jah questions how old he has to be to start taking Viagra. Seth guesses 50 but Jah says 6 months. Seth then asks if Jah has a fully-formed penis, to which Jah says yes. Jah then says that babies are given Viagra because they have pulmonary arterial hypertension, a rare disorder in young kids that causes very high blood pressure and starves kids’ lungs of oxygen in their blood. The Viagra helps blood pump more freely to the lungs … “and the balls.”
40:32 – Jah: “When’s the last time you ate at a McDonald’s?” Seth: “The last time I got a cinnamon roll, whenever that was.” Seth says he was at a Burger King more recently than the McDonald’s because he got a Hershey’s Sundae Pie
10:40 – Seth really wants Jah to give him another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” so to coax him into it he lets him do a Rastafarian airhorn sound first
Episode 144S
0:28 –Jonathan and Seth play a trivia game where Jah has to identify actual names of cities in the U.S., actual horses in Hollywood Park and actual strains of medical marijuana sold in Hollywood: 1) Secret Limit – horse, Blue Light Special – weed, Jot Em Down – city (TX); 2) Rabbit Hash – city (KY), Bonita Birdie - horse, Power Plant - weed; 3) Bad Axe – city (MI), Tae Bo - weed, Firefly - horse; 4) Last Chance – city (CO), Lakota Gold - horse, Noble Blue – weed; 5) Savannah Peach - horse, Pot of Gold - weed, Turkey Scratch – city (AR); 6) Cajun Gent - horse, Hog’s Breath - weed, Satan’s Kingdom – city (VT); 7) Kielbasa - horse, Weed – city (CA), Garlic - weed; 8) Lamb’s Bread – weed, Comfort Food - horse, Hot Coffee – city (MS); 9) Rockin’ The City - horse, Knock ‘Em Stiff – city (OH), On the Loose - weed; 10) Two Egg – city (FL), Lemon Drop - weed, Chili Wack - horse; 11) Sleepy Eye – city (MN), Sunset Tijuana - horse, Paradise Flame - weed; and 12) Dixie Hawk - horse, Spread Eagle – city (WI), Blue Bird - weed. Jonathan gets 4 of 12 questions correct, including botching the final five questions
23:30 – Seth asks Jah that if he were given the choice to A) Eat one Whopper a day for seven days or B) Douse himself in BK Flame every day for 30 days, what he would choose. Jah says he could not make the decision without smelling Flame first
15:28 – Seth asks Jonathan how many times he’s gotten a boner today. Jonathan says four times definitely
23:01 – Jah can’t think of the name of the movie with Martin Lawrence and Tim Robbins, and it drives Seth crazy trying to think of it (Nothing To Lose)
40:36 – Seth says if you take a calendar month and you have been to a strip club three times in that entire month, that is your spot, then asks Jah, “How many times have you been to Plan B in January?” Jah can’t think of the exact number, then says “maybe around 8 or 9 times.” Seth says that’s “Persian style.” Jah says they all know him by name there. His drink there is Maker’s Mark and Ginger Ale
11:25 – Jah asks Seth how many lives he could simultaneously maintain if he chose to. Seth says 3, and Jah agrees that is a good number. Of those lives, in only 1 of Seth’s would he be a professional podcaster and keep the name “Seth”
42:06 – Seth: “What’s the capital of North Dakota?” (Episode 048), 0:58. He reveals that it is Bismarck. Jah: “What about South Dakota?” (Seth doesn’t know)
Episode 151S
0:26 – Jah has to pick the winners from CNBC’s “As Seen On TV” infomercial competition
52:52 – Assuming Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie break up, Seth wants to know who Pitt would have to date that would be as crazy as when he heard that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were dating. Jah: “Raven Simone.” Seth thinks it would be America Ferrara or Kristen Bell.
2:28 – Seth: “What is your sleep number?” Jah: “I am a 7.”
13:15 – Seth asks Jah that if had to choose either Miller Chill Lite Beer with Lime or Bud Light Lime for the rest of his life, Jah would choose Miller Chill – his desert island brew.
6:24 – Seth wonders if you put Omar Epps and Mekhi Pfifer in a jail cell, which one would come out alive?
27:14 – Jonathan and Seth are in full debate about who should win Best Actress in the Screen Actors Guild awards. Seth says Judy Densch for Mrs. Henderson Presents and Jah says Felicity Huffman for Transamerica. Jah is such a Huff fan – not just for the actress but for the show starring Oliver Platt.
28:57 – Jah wonders how to spell rudebaga and takes a stab at it – R-U-D-I-B-A-G-A
2:40 – When it’s all said and done, Seth asks Jah who is better – Grateful Dead or Phish? Jah easily answers “The Dead.”
59:08 – Jah was asked one of those gun-to-your-head questions, pick one or the other questions the other day: Would you rather eat your mom or shoot your baby in the head? Seth would rather shoot and eat the person who asked that question … but he then said he would shoot his baby because he loves his mom. But he is sorry he forgot Marcia’s birthday. They then revisit the scenario between getting kicked in the throat or punched in the balls (Episode 069, 50:34). Jah still says he’d rather be punched in the balls because in a worst-case scenario he would rupture a testicle, in which case he’d still have the other.
1:17 – Being that next Sunday is Mother’s Day, Seth has Jah do an “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
13:20 – Kentucky Derby was run on Saturday, so Seth gives Jah 3 names – one is a horse, one is a strain of medical marijuana sold in West Hollywood and one created in his mind’s eye: 1) Westside Bernie (Horse), Buried Treasure (Fake), Sunny Side Up (Marijuana); 2) Smoke on the Water (M), Burnt Toast (F), Atomic Rain (H); 3) Lemonade (F), Hubba Bubba (M), Chocolate Candy (H); 4) Let’s Hear it for the Boy (F), Polite With a Punch (M), Mister Hot Stuff (H). Jah gets none of them completely correct, but gets a round of applause nonetheless.
51:11 – Seth asks Jah what the acronym NIMBY stands for. Jah says “Not In My Butt, Yo.” The correct answer is “Not In My Back Yard.”
Episode 166S
0:07 – This supplement is dedicated to the real/fake horse game for the upcoming Preakness (one horse, one fake, one a medicinal marijuana strain): 1) High Tide (Fake), Pennies From Heaven (Marijuana), Take The Points (Horse); 2) Rachel Alexandra (H), Air Force One (M), Joni Mitchell (F); 3) Papa Clem (H), Canterry Row (F), White Rhino (M); 4) Ukulele (F), Beehive (M), Terrain (H); 5) Cliff’s Surprise (F), Freesian Fire (H), Watermelon Tormaline (M). The only thing Jonathan gets right is the fifth weed strain; otherwise Seth pitches a perfect game.
29:17 – More trivia featuring horses, strains of medical marijuana and fake horses from Seth’s mind’s eye: 1) Tasmanian Devil (Marijuana), Dolphin’s Fin (Fake), Summer Bird (Horse); 2) Aruel (Marijuana), Muldoon (Fake – Seth’s mother’s dog), Dunkirk (Horse); 3) Sacrificial Lamb (Fake), Louis XIII (Marijuana), Flying Private (Horse). Jah does so-so in the game, getting one of the three options right in each set. Jah was a little self-conscious about this particular game because someone sent him answers on his phone this week. Jah saw what it was and he rejected the idea because he wanted to keep the competition friendly instead of pranking Seth by having the best game ever after having the worst one ever.
7:12 – Jah brings up the “Great UYD Debate” about being blind or deaf (Episode 136, 49:39; Episode 135, 31:29; Episode 069, 49:57; Episode 009, 54:25; Episode 005, 49:29), and Jah thinks he’s maybe come over to Seth’s side of the argument – he’d rather be deaf than blind.
22:57 – Seth wants to know who will live longer, him or Jonathan? Jah doesn’t like him bringing this up because it would be a God-awful, terrible thing for either one to lose the other. But Jah thinks Seth is definitely dying before him.
1:06:18 – Seth asks how old the currently accepted age of the universe is, and Jah guesses 3.6 trillion. Seth reveals it’s 13.7 billion years old.
44:05 – Have more people been killed by wood chippers or pet pythons in the last 20 years? Jah answers correctly – wood chippers. Jah would rather be killed by a python.
52:56 – Jah asks Seth what is the most amount of money he’s ever seen in person? Seth simply says he has seen “some brown paper bag shit,” then admits to seeing $21,000. Jah has seen a couple-hundred Gs, about $150,000. No cocaine or ecstacy were in said room.
4:54 – Seth asks Jah a math problem: “What’s 41 minus 14?” It takes Jah a long time to answer correctly with 27.
17:26 – Seth dips into the vault and does the Top 10 singles today in 1994: 10) Ace of Base – “Don’t Turn Around”; 9) Warren G – “This DJ”; 8) All 4 One – “I Swear”; 7) Elton John – “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?”; 6) Coolio – “Fantastic Voyage”; 5) Changing Faces – “Stroke You Up”; 4) Babyface – “When Can I See You?”; 3) John Mellencamp and MeShell Ndegeocello – “Wild Night”; 2) Lisa Loeb – “Stay”; 1) Boyz II Men – “I’ll Make Love To You”
29:18 – Seth goes through some of the best NFL names (Episode 031, 46:19 and 54:53), and just starts with defensive backs because Seth used to be quite the DB in the late 1970s. First he goes with the Nigerians: Chinedum Ndukwe of the Cincinnati Bengals; Nnamdi Asomugha of the Oakland Raiders; and Oshiomogho Atogwe of the St. Louis Rams. Then the Muslims: Aqweeb Taleeb of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Hamza Abdullah of the Cleveland Browns. Then the dope black dudes: Champ Bailey of the Denver Broncos; Tra Battle of the Cleveland Browns; Yeremiah Bell of the Miami Dolphins; Atari Bigby of the Green Bay Packers; Dré Bly of the San Francisco 49ers; Jabari Greer of the New Orleans Saints; Joselio Hanson of the Philadelphia Eagles; Lawyer Milloy of the Seattle Seahawks; Lardarius Webb and Samari Rolle of the Baltimore Ravens; Trumaine McBride of the Chicago Bears; Dominique Rogers-Cromartie of the Arizona Cardinals; and Sabby Piscitelli of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Jah thinks Seth chose the last one because it’s Roma’s cousin.
2:37 – Jonathan asks Seth if he personally thinks that doctors should wear white coats. Seth doesn’t think they should wear them.
22:32 – Seth wants to know if there are ghosts. Jah says yes, no question about it.
25:30 – One is a weed sold in West Hollywood, one is a horse running in the Belmont in New York this weekend and one is from Seth’s mind’s eye: 1) Orange Moon (weed); Grape Nuts (fake), Lemon Punch (horse); 2) Papa Jerry (horse), Long Tall Sally (fake), King Louis (weed); 3) Galaxy (fake), Mind Bender (horse), Early Girl (weed); 4) Low Tide (fake), Token Special (horse), Morning Glory (weed). Jah only gets #4 correct, because he has smoked Morning Glory.
32:22 – Seth quizzes Jonathan on what album Rolling Stone named as the #1 Album of the Decade. Jah guesses Radiohead’s OK Computer, then the correct answer – Radiohead’s Kid A, which Jah agrees with.
19:45 – Seth: “Do you pronounce in NA’vi or na’VI?” Jah: “na’VI.”
45:35 – Jah asks Seth what the number would be that would make him consider not marrying a woman based on the number of lifetime sexual partners she had had. Jah says he can think of a number, but Seth refuses to cough one up. He does admit that 100 is an enormous number. Jah says he definitely knows bitches who have fucked 50 dudes. Jah then asks if Seth can’t give him a max-out number, can he give him an ideal number? Seth cannot.
30:03 – Seth has J-Dawg sing the top 10 songs this week 25 years ago (Jan. 21, 1985): 10) Prince & The Revolution – “I Would Die 4 You”; 9) Billy Ocean – “Loverboy”; 8) Don Henley – “Boys of Summer”; 7) Jack Wagner – “All I Need”; 6) Wham – “Careless Whisper”; 5) Philip Bailey w/ Phil Collins – “Easy Lover”; 4) Chicago – “You’re The Inspiration”; 3) Foreigner – “I Wanna Know What Love Is”; 1) Madonna – “Like A Virgin”
18:22 – Jah asks Seth what the last fast food item he had was. Seth guesses it was a Hershey’s Sundae Pie at Burger King in a full shame spiral six months ago. Jah admits he had an Oreo Cookie Shake from Jack in the Box this past week. Seth recants, and admits he had a sip from an Oreo Shake from Fatburger.
38:57 – Questions on Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Quiz: Name one country that borders Iraq? Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, Turkey or Iran? All of the countries border Iraq.
17:54 – Seth wants to know if Jah says to-MAY-to or to-MAH-to.
41:34 – Seth begins to ask people who are driving to see how long they can close their eyes before opening them, then immediately retracts it. Jah says it’s the “Best Game” over and over with his hands cupped around the microphone.
34:48 – Seth ponders, If you put Nicolas Cage and Jim Carrey in a jail cell, who would come out alive? Jah picks Carrey, Seth picks Cage.
35:30 – Seth ponders, If you put Jim Caviezel in a jail cell do-or-die with Joel McHale, who would come out alive? Both pick Caviezel.
17:02 – Seth asks Jah to give him a color and a side. Jah chooses purple and left. According to the Hanky Code in the Pride issue of Frontier’s Magazine, Jah is a piercer. Jah says this is applicable because he used to work at a piercing shop. Jah then mixes it up and chooses black and right, and he ends up being an S&M Bottom. Seth agrees that this is J-Dawg’s game: “Don’t trip, it’s on the Hanky Code.” If he would’ve chosen mustard and right, it means he wants an 8-inch dick; the other side means he has an 8-inch dick. Teal blue and right means you want genital torture, on the left you are a genital torturer. Orange on the right means nothing right now; orange on the left means anything, anytime. Cream on the right means sleeze bottom; left means sleeze top.
23:26 – Jah ponders, would Dren beat Neytiri in a fight? Seth says it would have to be in a neutral location, in Tatooine, in a battle to fuck J-dawg. Seth wants J-dawg to be the father in this new master race.
27:37 – Seth polls Jah on his favorite Christian rock act – Casting Crowns, NeedToBreathe or Sidewalk Prophets? Jah chooses NeedToBreathe. Seth chooses Sidewalk Prophets because they’re a Christian Counting Crows.
2:12 – Seth revisits the Hanky Code from last week (Episode 221, 17:02). He has Jah give him another color and direction. Jah gives him a light blue and a right direction. Seth reveals that this means Jah gives oral sex.
1:06:59 – Jah gives Seth one more color and direction for the Hanky Code – a magenta and left. This means he wants his armpits worshiped.
21:21 – Seth asks Jah to name 3 celebrities they could meet this weekend in a semi-illegal fashion and buy fireworks from. Jah goes with Woody Harrelson, Johnathon Schaech and asks Seth to go with the third one – Cher.
41:45 – Jonathan has some pertinent questions – 1) How many people successfully escape from prison every year, and 2) How many tampons does a girl go through on an average menstrual cycle? Seth answers 1) 2,222 and 2) 222, then changes it to 2) at least a couple a day.
1:01:29 – Jonathan has another pertinent question – “Can you be in love with someone in a non-sexual way, but not truly? Not a member of the opposite sex. Have you ever been in love with a man, just not in the sexy way.” Seth’s reply: “Do you have something to say?”
21:42 – Jah asks, “Would you rather go to Burning Man or the Gathering of the Juggalos?” Seth chooses the Gathering, no question. Jah would rather go to Burning Man (Episode 012, 53:20; Episode 081, 19:58; Episode 181, 22:30). Seth asks if ICP’s promoters called and asked for UYD to do a live show there, would he do it? Jah says maybe under the right circumstances.
52:07 – Seth asks if Joe Regalbuto and Joe Pantoliano went into a jail cell, who would come out alive? Jah chooses Joe Regalbuto.
4:22 – Seth and Jah revisit the Hanky Code game (Episode 221, 17:02; Episode 222, 2:12). Seth asks Jah for a color and a left or right side. Jah picks Kelly green and left pocket. This means that Jah is a hustler. If Jah would’ve went with right pocket olive drab he would’ve been a uniform bottom.
12:35 – Seth asks if Jah referenced light pink or dark pink. Jah says light pink, then chooses left pocket. He is a dildo giver. Every single time. “It’s like The Secret.” (Episode 052, 0:17).
9:03 – Seth asks Jonathan what the No. 1 seller is among supermarket categories by dollar sales – total U.S. food dollar sales for latest 52 weeks ending June 13, 2010. Every person Seth asks says “milk,” and that’s exactly what Jah answers. Milk is No. 2. Carbonated beverages are No. 1. Rounding out the top 10 are 3) Fresh bread and rolls, 4) salty snacks, 5) beer, 6) cheese, 7) cold cereal, 8) frozen dinners, 9) wine, and 10) cigarettes. The number one thing that Jonathan purchases at supermarkets is orange juice. He loves orange juice, and needs it at the house at all times. If Seth has orange juice after 8:00, he has nightmares.
2:00 – Seth gives J-dawg 3 women and he has to be one for the rest of his life – Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton: J-dawg quickly chooses Paris Hilton. If it wasn’t for the dude who Paris fucked in the sex tape, says Jah, the answer would be hands-down Paris.
42:47 – Jah asks what a “young bagel” is. Seth doesn’t know.
1:07:00 – Jah gives Seth two choices: He must either moonwalk or tell people why he doesn’t speak in Leaf. Seth chooses choice C, and gives an honest thank-you to everyone and asks them to join them next week as they embark on the road to 500.
35:27 – Seth wants to know, if you put a mole, a poblano and a chipotle in a jail cell, who would come out alive? Jah chooses mole.
1:09:19 – Jah wants to try and say the alleged most difficult tongue twister in the world: “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.” Seth says he’s going to rattle it off five times in a row, then chickens out. Seth is able to pronounce it more easily than J-dawg, however.
8:52 – Seth doesn’t think he understands the rules to the game Bingo, and wants J-dawg to explain them to him.
4:38 – Seth throws some people out at Jah, and has him pretend that they will go into a jail cell and only one can come out alive. Jah’s answers are in parentheses: Jake Gyllenhaal or Ryan Phillippe? (Phillippe) Bradley Cooper or Ashton Kutcher? (Kutcher) Mario Lopez or John Mayer? (Lopez) James Franco or Justin Timberlake? (Timberlake) Jared Leto or Jamie Foxx? (Foxx)
36:03 – Real/Fake game – Seth gives Jonathan three names and he has to choose which is the strain of medicinal marijuana, which is the horse and which is from his mind’s eye: 1) Ghost Zapper (horse), Space Needle (mind’s eye), Early Garage (weed); 2) Don Cristo (weed), St. Liam (horse), Uncle Ben (mind’s eye); 3) Apricot (mind’s eye), King Henry (weed), Moccasin (horse); 4) Lady Secret (horse), Double Barrel (mind’s eye), Private Reserve (weed); 5) Commando (horse), Hummer (mind’s eye), Gun (weed). Jonathan only gets one correct (#4).
51:25 – Jah and Seth play a game where they go back and forth and name celebs who have floor seats at the Lakers. J: “Jeremy Piven.” S: “Will Ferrell.” J: “Pamela Anderson.” S: “Zac Efron.” J: “Guy Oseary.” S: “Jason Bateman. … Anthony Kiedis.”
10:11 – Seth quizzes Jah on some terms among the gay community. A “gold star gay” is a gay man who has never slept with a woman. A “double gold star gay” is a gold star gay who was also born by cesarian section.
22:41 – Seth quizzes J-dawg on some Biblical trivia: 1) Complete this phrase: “Blessed are the meek —.” Jah responds, “… for they shall inherit the earth.” 2) Can you name the city Jesus was born in? … Jah responds immediately, “Bethlehem.” 3) What was God’s sign to tell Noah he would never flood the earth again? … J-dawg doesn’t know it, but the answer is “A rainbow.”
25:41 – Seth asks if Robert Palmer is alive or dead. Jah says he’s dead, and he’s correct. Seth then keeps the game going with Wilfred Brimley (alive – Jah says dead); Tom Bosley (alive – Jah says dead); Phillip Drummond (alive – Jah says dead); Waylon Jennings (dead – Jah says alive); and Bruno Kirby (dead – Jah says alive).
40:24 – Seth takes it back to 1991. He wonders if you put Steve Winwood and Robert Palmer in a jail cell, who would come out alive? J-dawg says Steve Winwood.
3:11 – Seth and Jah play the hanky code game. Jah chooses the color white and the direction right. This means “masturbates other.”
52:51 – Jah asks Seth, “Would you kill one person to save five?”
12:27 – If Jah were on a desert island and had to bring the entire catalog from one of these 5 bands (Maroon 5, Coldplay, Foo Fighters, Linkin Park and The Red Hot Chili Peppers), he’d have to bring the Chili Peppers. But if he had to take the worst record of all of them it would be the Coldplay record. He would not be able to sit on the island with Linkin Park’s lowest-selling album. He just figured Coldplay’s would be the easiest way to a death. He could cry along with the songs by day 4 and be dead by week 2.
10:00 – Seth tries to burn Jah with a game. One will be the name of a beer brewed in Seattle, one will be a weed sold in Hollywood, Calif., and the other is a name conjured in his mind’s eye: 1) Cherry Pie (weed), Monkey Wrench (mind’s eye), Curveball (beer); 2) Thunder Head (beer), Dollar Bill (mind’s eye), Catwoman (beer); 3) Poseidon’s Trident (mind’s eye), Joker’s Revenge (weed), Dragon’s Tooth (beer); 4) Earth Worm (mind’s eye), Red Bull (weed), Night Owl (beer); and 5) Pilot Light (beer), Rated R (weed), Milk & Cookies (mind’s eye). Jah only gets one-third of #4 correct.
43:49 – Seth takes two actresses and puts them in a jail cell. He stands back and has to decide who will walk out alive: Zooey Deschanel and Emmy Rossum (Rossum); Carey Mulligan and Anne Hathaway (Mulligan); Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson (Biel); Reese Witherspoon and Kirsten Dunst (Dunst); and Drew Barrymore or Katie Holmes (Barrymore). Jah gets 3 out of 5 correct except he chose Hathaway and Holmes to win.
30:08 – Jah asks Seth a question that he must answer as earnestly as possible – How much do you think you would have to be offered in money in order to tandem skydive? Seth would need a lot of money, like $81,000 minimum.
42:26 – Seth asks Jah who the greatest guitarist between the following: Steve Vai or Joe Satriani (Vai); Yngwie Malmsteen or Eddie Van Halen (Eddie), Randy Rhoads or Amir Yaghmai (Randy).
29:32 – What will happen first? COPS ceases production and no longer airs on American television, or Hugh Hefner dies. Jonathan thinks Hugh Hefner will die first.
19:01 – Jonathan must decide which is a horse running in the Derby, which is a medicinal marijuana strain sold in Hollywood and which was made up in Seth’s mind’s eye: 1) Rousing Sermon (horse), Unlawful Entry (mind’s eye), Accidental Tourist (weed); 2) Saber Cat (horse), Crystal Ship (mind’s eye), Low Rider (weed); 3) Captain America (mind’s eye), Muchacho Man (weed), Daddy Nose Best (horse); 4) Done Talking (horse), Par Excellence (mind’s eye), Life Saver (weed); 5) Whitaker Blues (weed), Union Rags (horse), Backlot Tour (mind’s eye); 6) Atmosphere (weed), Fog (mind’s eye), Optimizer (horse). Jonathan puts forth a good effort on this one, nailing 3 of 6 100% correctly and was 2 off on the other three.
1:01:30 – If you put Mary Stuart Masterson and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in a jail cell, which one comes out alive? Seth says Mastrantonio would light that bitch up.
3:00 – Clint Eastwood is celebrating a birthday on May 31. How old is he going to be? Jonathan answers 81 years old, but the answer is 82.
4:07 – Seth asks Jonathan how many people in the world have walked on the moon’s surface? Jonathan first answers 4, then quickly realizes he should have said 12.
]]>8:38 – Jolt is mentioned
5:21 – A small reference to sugar-free Red Bull
4:35 – J: “Is this about energy drinks?”
58:55 – TV Guide channel having a show where they’re doing a scene from I Love Lucy – the Vitamina Vegemin scene, where an energy drink tastes awful but it’s done as a faux infomercial so the people have to pretend to enjoy it
12:51 – The ultimate energy drink – Cocaine
26:27 – Energia – Clamato with ginseng, taurine and guarana
5:54 – Kids are drinking their energy drinks and they’re taking caffeine pills
9:43 – Cocaine energy drink shut down
9:57 – Jah: “You know what you should do with Monster? Snort it.”
0:18 – Fuelosophy
52:52 – Jonathan cracks open a Cocaine. Seth: “Cocaine anyone? … Cocaine the drink is better than cocaine the drug.”
38:28 – Gin J. Bullock – Cocaine energy drink mixed with cheap gin
23:39 – Meth coffee
22:08 – Hooters new energy drink – orange or berry flavors, regular or sugar free
28:23 – Diet Pepsi Max – 1/3 more caffeine than Diet Mt. Dew
29:03 – Spikes Shooter Energy Drink – warning on label: no one under 18 should drink (200 mg caffeine per 8 oz) – two dudes on a dare drank several of them, went to hospital
4:01 – UYD listener gives nine-message full trajectory of their Cocaine use. Tracked it down in a New York deli and gave them updates
24:28 – Spikes from Anheuser Busch hits 7-11s this week – malt-based beverage with caffeine, ginseng and guarana. Great as a chilled shot but even better when mixed with a cold Budweiser. Comes in hot chocolate, hot melon, spicy mango and spicy lime flavors
4:40 – Spikes energy shot – parents trying to get it pulled from stores, calling it “baby booze”
31:55 – Cocaine energy drink pulled from stores nationwide
21:44 – Attorney generals urge Anheuser Busch to issue warnings about mixing alcohol with caffeinated energy drinks like Spikes Shooter Energy Drink
5:34 – Stôk – one shot is 40 mg of caffeine; add caffeine w/o altering taste
24:41 – Jah: “Is there anything extreme that you like?” Seth: “Cocaine.” Jah: “The drink?” Seth: “The drug.”
0:22 – Seth’s feeling great because of all his Panax in his Diet Pepsi Max – Jah chooses between Monster Energy Assault and Monster Energy Chaos
20:28 – Seth would give up all the Monster drinks in the world if ladies would go back to wearing old timey sweaters
0:43 – Seth and J-dog crack open a can of Cocaine
9:50 – Seth and Jonathan’s throats feel like they’ve been casually been snorting cocaine since 7:30 p.m.
15:28 – Alfred and Laura hooked them up with the Cocaine
15:37 – When Seth was pouring Jonathan’s Monster Chaos down the sink last week, the fumes left him slightly nautious
16:40 – The Cocaine starts to take effect in just 16 minutes. Jah and Seth are straight up freaking out at this point.
54:10 – Jah and Seth are crashing from the Cocaine – all Jah wants to do now is beat off and go to bed
56:02 – The Cocaine is making Jah nervous, he thinks he hears radios in the wall
1:01:28 – Jah is sweating and twitching because of the Cocaine
4:27 – Jah buys some Vitamin Energy for them to wash down the Doritos Collisions
0:24 – Jonathan is drinking limited edition Mountain Dew GameFuel to commemorate pending release of Halo 3
4:25 – Seth takes a chug of Clamato energy drink. Ingredients: Water, High fructose corn syrup, tomato paste, salt, taurine, vinegar, onions, garlic, celery seed, spices, ginseng and dried clam broth. Seth’s reaction at 5:50.
6:40 – Seth washes his mouth out with Diet Pepsi Max
12:03 – Jah blew Seth for a can of Cocaine. It was going fine until Jah puked on Seth’s cock. Blow energy drink mix is on the market; Fixx - $12
1:22 – Jonathan’s dad and 55INCH send Jonathan and Seth Blow energy drink mix – Jonathan drinks it and finds it disgusting
14:31 – Another care package from Cassie full of energy drinks – will review more next week. Seth says someone should go archival and record the minute mark that they talked about energy drinks. (Hmm…) Jah said he posed a theory that the energy drink format is a new beverage format, and wondered when the last time in our lifetime a new format had been introduced (clear sodas, sports drinks, etc.)
19:06 – The Blow is making Jonathan have a cough attack
19:16 – Seth is making a new drink called Devil’s Dandruff; Jah’s is called Booger Sugar. Seth: “It’s called Bolivian Marching Powder.”
7:53 – No energy drinks will be covered this week because Steven Seagal’s energy drink is as shitty as his movies – tasted like liquid candy corn
25:58 – In Rapid City, S.D., they’ve launched a new energy bar called the Tanka Bar – made of S. Dakota bison and Wisconsin cranberries. Similar to the Lakota food that sustained the Great Plains Indians.
18:04 – Jah: “They probably drank some Gamefuel beforehand.” Seth: “How much Gamefuel can you drink to have your hand severed?”
40:37 – The majority of taurine we get in energy drinks is chemically made
15:03 – Seth references Diet Pepsi Max with Panax
22:18 – Seth downs two NOS energy drinks before boning down with a 92-year-old corpse and saying “Shawty wanna ride?”
19:07 – 7-11 creates new energy drink called “Inked,” for those with tattoos only
1:42 – Fairybomb sent by listeners from Australia, Kozy and Dan (kozyndan) – absinthe energy drink. Jonathan declares it “awesome.” Seth makes up aliases for Kozy and Dan at 8:08 so they won’t get thrown in prison for smuggling stuff from Australia
7:22 – Jah: “Here’s the thing about Fairybomb – it may not smell like puke, but it’ll make you puke.”
20:01 – Atomic Dog energy drink – infused with horny goat weed
20:42 – Jah says he’s never drinking Fairybomb again
50:06 – Red Sox 1B Kevin Youkilis launches new energy drink called The Slumpbuster. Slogan: Take one down.
9:24 – New limited edition Snickers candy bar: Snickers Charged. 60 mg of caffeine, taurine and B vitamins. Why drink it when you can eat it?
21:53 – Seth: “Hey, are you sleeping right now? Maybe you need a Snickers Charged bar.”
46:09 – The very first energy drink launched in the U.S. was Pepsi’s Josta in 1995
0:50 – It’s taken 103 episodes but UYD has its first corporate sponsor – Spike Shooter energy drink. Seth relates a Spike Shooter to 15 minutes in the sun. Jah compares it to Hawaiian Punch with some awesome shit in it
27:33 – Seth is caffeinated, although Jah says Seth looks a little flush
48:34 – Seth reiterates his love for Spike Shooter
21:12 – Seth announces that the Spike Shooter sponsorship was a little premature. Jah and Seth pull the plug on it b/c they were trying to control some of the content of UYD. Jah cracks open a Mountain Dew Amp at 21:32. Seth had about 20 Spike Shooters in the past week, but he won’t stand for those fools trying to censor UYD
35:41 – FDA has begun filing legal briefs to shut down the sales of Blow energy powder. Thank God UYD has 12 cases
0:40 – Seth is drinking a Diet Pepsi Max, with even more Panax
17:18 – Seth is finding his Panax totally invigorating. He tied himself off and shot his Panax straight, along with his good friend Scott Weiland
10:25 – Jah calls UYD out because there’s three new Mountain Dews out that they haven’t touched or talked about: Supernova (strawberry melon lime with ginseng), Voltage (raspberry citrus with ginseng) and Revolution (wild berry fruit with ginseng)
33:55 – The Anti-Energy Drank has hit the market. As it says on the can, SLOW YOUR ROLL and SIPPIN’ SUM DRANK. Basically legal sizzurp. It’s a carbonated grape beverage with melatonin, velerium root and rose hips.
40:31 – Jah and Seth reference Rockstar and Monster energy drinks
5:42 – Seth washes his weed down with some Anti-Energy Drank straight from Houston. Jah: “That tastes like slightly bubbly poorly made grape Kool-Aid.”
16:52 – Seth ponders what would happen if Jah use Drank instead of milk for cereal, and Jah says he would puke before anything else happened: “I dun drank the drunk and it’s grosso.”
48:31 – Jah is drinking Orangina, not Drank, b/c Drank is gross
1:14 – Jonathan is drinking a Sparks, which has 7% alcohol per volume
36:25 – The Journal of Drug and Alcohol Dependency is reporting that energy drinks are delivering too much caffeine and being called a “gateway product.”
22:46 – Jah goes back to talking about how energy drinks were a new genre of drink, kind of how body spray is a new genre of scents
46:39 – Miller Coors has announced it will remove caffeine, taurine, guarana and ginseng from its beverage Sparks. It’s because of a settlement that was brought about by 13 different states that targeted young drinkers
8:23 – Seth is going old school with some Diet Dr Pepper because he waited forever to be contacted by PepsiCo about Pepsi Max: “How much Panax do I have to put in my body to get a deal with this company?”
11:18 – Seth: “If you mix Chantix and Panax, you get Mountain Dew.” Jah: “That’s how you make chocolate.” (Episode 016, 7:25)
12:33 – Jah wonders what’s up with mothers giving their children energy drinks. He’s seen it happen on several occasions, where they will hold a Monster can for their kids outside of laundromats and convenience stores.
58:17 – Kanye West has made an announcement that he will release a new energy drink and cologne this year. Seth can’t wait to hear what they’re named.
13:17 – Focus and concentration is the next generation of the drink. The newest substance is called L-Theanine. It supposedly calms the brain, enhances concentration and mental stamina. It is the newest version of Sobe Life Water and Vitamin Water. It is also the key ingredient in Tiger Woods’ new G formula.
11:53 – Seth drank four Pepsi Maxes the other night, and he’s kind of confused why they changed it from Diet Pepsi Max to just Pepsi Max. Seth had to take a knee because he thought there was an earthquake but it was just a bodyquake inside of him.
22:49 – Jah wants to know why pregnant women feed their 3-year-old children Rockstar energy drinks
12:38 – Seth talks about buying some Pepsi Max.
13:47 – Jah thinks UYD needs to open a store/museum that takes you on a tour through the beverages throughout time: “UYD’s Wild Ride Through the Beverages of Time.”
45:39 – Introduced in 1985 from their Rochester, N.Y. headquarters, Jolt Cola’s slogan was “All the sugar. Twice the caffeine,” was the first of today’s enormous markethold of what is called an “energy drink.” Due to the tough economic times, the company has filed for bankruptcy and will more than likely close in the next couple days.
11:13 – Seth thinks they should put Pepsi Max inside a paintball landmine. This makes Jah think of them and then asks if he can have one of Seth’s.
4:41 – Jah informs us that he drank a strawberry Muscle Milk – one of Seth’s favorite drinks – and gagged at a Chevron while pumping gas. He couldn’t get get the chalkdust flavor out of his mouth for 20 minutes. He also dipped back in with the Myoplex to get 42 grams of scientific protein, and described it as drinking “concentrated French vanilla animal mucus.”
40:26 – Building off the success of “drank,” anti-energy drinks are expected to be among top drink trends in 2010 (Episode 120, 33:55). According to advertising agency J. Walter Thompson, drinks named Slo Cow, Ex Chill and Mary Jane’s use kava, camomile and valerian to provide a direct alternative to energy drinks. They also claim to aid mental focus and concentration.
0:38 – Seth isn’t trying to hurt anybody, he’s just drinking a Pepsi Max
22:53 – Seth wonders what would happen if Marcia drank two Red Bulls and went to school. She said it would be like being on drugs.
14:02 – Seth compares the U.S. mission in Iraq, Operation New Dawn, to the name of an energy drink: Amped-Up New Dew Mon
10:24 – Seth isn’t down with Pepsi Max Ceasefire. It’s a cross promotion with the new Doritos Third-Degree Burn.
1:14 – Seth isn’t going to lie – both he and Jonathan are drinking Pepsi Max.
10:24 – Seth remedies the painful effects of being exposed to perverse TV programs by eating oatmeal and pouring Pepsi Max on himself.
1:09:38 – Jah tells people, “If you’re tired, have an energy drink.”
1:25 – Jah says you don’t need to call Pepsi Max “Diet Pepsi Max.” Seth thinks they should call it Pepsi Max - Extreme
41:56 – Jah drank a thai iced tea the other night at 11:00 or 12:00 and was up until 7:00 in the morning. It might as well be an energy drink.
4:20 – Jah has a new alcoholic energy drink that he has to drink – Four Loko. It’s in a 24-oz can that comes in 60 fruit flavors and is the equivalent of drinking 5-6 beers.
9:17 – Jah drank a Four Loko this weekend (Episode 225, 4:20)
26:06 – Seth can’t find Pepsi Max anywhere, and that’s because they switched the logo up on him.
4:35 – Seth wants two Monster Energy Drinks to down some Chee-tos with.
2:00 – Seth recommends drinking a Four Loko before listening to UYD shows in reverse order. Jah then reveals there’s another alcoholic energy drink called Tilt. He says Juice, Four Loko and Tilt all are gross and get you fucked up.
54:23 – A recent report from Mintel – a marketing research firm – predicts that the coffee industry might be facing some very lean years. Only 27% of 18-24-year-olds consume coffee lately, compared to 75% of 45 to 54-year-olds and 80% of 55 to 64-year-olds. These young kids are just chugging energy drinks.
7:24 – Seth wants to know if he’s ever in his life going to be sponsored by Pepsi Max.
1:13:16 – Pepsi Max has a new 16-oz plastic bottle that they’re going to introduce.
2:51 – Seth just found out from a listener south of the border that Pepsi Max in Mexico goes by the name “Pepsi Kick.”
2:40 – Seth saw that Jah was drinking an Arizona Iced Tea. He was concerned for him but then he saw it was Vitamin C fortified. Jah likes the company, the cans and the artwork on the cans. He likes the old-timey aluminum. He just wishes they used natural sugar because it would be his favorite drink in the world.
43:05 – Pepsi Max has a crazy ad campaign in New Zealand: “Test your brommitment.”
5:45 – 8-year-old kids drink nothing but Monsters, resulting in needing root canals at an early age.
15:16 – Seth read an article about 5-Hour Energy Drinks, which controls 90% of the energy shot market. It’s owned by a 58-year-old man named Manoj Bhargava, a Buddhist monk who lived on an ashram in India for 12 years. He says 5-Hour Energy is not an energy drink, but a focus drink.
16:39 – The AeroShot is a lipstick tube of inhalable caffeine that you shoot as a powdery blast into your mouth. It’s 100mg and you get about 3 puffs for $6. It has vitamin B and niacin. It’s been located in Boston. You’re not supposed to inhale more than 3 AeroShots a day.
18:11 – DMAA is good to take before a workout.
16:31 – She doesn’t know about the 5 Hour Energy. He got one and was going to split it with Jonathan before the show but he doesn’t like the high Niacin content. He doesn’t want to turn into Danny Bonaduce after taking half of one.
2:40 – Jonathan just had his first Pepsi Next. He likes it. Seth played it simple with a Diet Dr Pepper
6:26 – Seth looks up some Rockstar energy drinks. The website for Rockstar drinks is www.rockstar69.com. Jonathan then proceeds to read off the flavors: Original, Sugar Free, Zero Carb, Pink, Recovery, Punched, Iced, Coconut Water, 2X, XDurance, Relax, Energy Cola, Juiced Guava, Juiced Mango, Roasted, and then the gum flavors.
]]>56:11 – Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on Monday and Tuesday night
57:10 – National Geographic Explorer – MS-13 gang; Front Lines – Crystal Meth
34:30 – Tuesday night, Feb. 21, HBO’s American Undercover looks into the underground dog trade
2:07 – Fresh episodes of COPS tomorrow, Saturday, 8 p.m. After COPS, America’s Most Wanted – which is up to 878 captures
5:40 – Black-White on F/X is the TV Pick of the Month. Other reality shows premiering this week: Lil’ Kim’s Countdown To Lockdown on BET; Top Chef on Bravo, hosted by Billy Joel’s wife; Cheerleader Nation on Lifetime; Eighth and Ocean on MTV (models in Miami); Miracle Workers – Home Edition for Medical Maladies; Pros Vs. Joes on Spike TV; and I Love Toys top 100 countdown on VH1; and (not reality but) Joey is back on Tuesday night. To take it old school, on Monday morning March 6, 5:30 a.m. on WGN, you get a Happy Days with Tom Hanks playing a karate instructor, you go back to bed and at 9:30 a.m. on TV Land you get the 1969 pilot episode of The Brady Bunch, entitled “The Honeymoon.”
38:43 – VH1’s Supergroup began filming on Wednesday: Ted Nugent, Sebastian Bach, Scott Ian, Jason Bonham and Evan Seinfeld. Jah: “Jason Bonham’s the worst. Scott Ian – whatevs. Sebastian Bach is awesome, but in a if-you-interviewed-the-old-American-Gladiators-sort-of-way. And Ted Nugent is the worst. I don’t know who Evan Seinfeld is.”
14:18 – Surreal Life 6 stars Smashmouth’s Steve Harwell, Andrea Lowell, Maven Huffman, Sherman Hemsley, Alexis Arquette, Tawny Kitaen, an undisclosed TV hunk that will be voted on by cast members and C.C. Deville.
35:26 – Black-White, Wednesdays, F/X, 10 p.m.
8:28 – Tuesday night, Bravo, 9 p.m. – Jonathan Antin is back with Blowout; Jah’s favorite show, Wonder Showzen is coming back March 31
5:21 – Friday, March 31, 6:30 p.m., MTV2 – Wonder Showzen; CBS is going to do a new rock-themed show, Rock Star: Supernova, a band that will consist of Tommy Lee on drums, Jason Newsted on bass and Gilby Clark on lead guitar.
27:47 – Seth was watching 60 Minutes this week, which featured children born from sperm donation. There was a lesbian couple in San Diego that got some sperm, there was a single woman who got some sperm. It turns out that at a play date they found out they went to the same fertility clinic in San Diego. One asked the other who their donor was; it was “48QAH,” and they reply “We got 48QAH!” “QAH” stood for “Quite A Hunk,” because it was a handsome young man in Ann Arbor, Mich., trying to pay his way through medical school. Both couples picked him because he seemed like a sensitive guy. It turns out that these people on the play date have kids who are now half-sisters. This woman started something called the Donor Sibling Registry where you can go in and look for siblings. They have 20,000 people on this one site. There is one guy who has fathered 20 kids just on this registry. They interview this guy (48QAH), who is a handsome pediatrician with a beautiful wife in Michigan. He said when he was doing this he thought about the fact he would have kids but didn’t give it that much thought. He donated 150-200 times. What Seth was thinking was one of this guy’s sons will find him and kill him somewhere down the road.
14:57 – King of Cars on A&E this week, starring “Chop”
16:19 – On Thursday April 8, HBO is airing a documentary titled All Aboard starring Rosie O’Donnell and her family on a 7-day Caribbean gay cruise; The Brady Bunch episode “Adios, Johnny Bravo”
37:19 – April 22 is Earth Day. To celebrate, HBO will air Too Hot Not To Handle with Larry David’s wife, Laurie at 7 p.m.; on Lifetime at 7 p.m. on April 22 will be a short version of the film Searching For Angela Shelton; at 4:35 a.m. on April 22 HBO will broadcast Living Dolls
8:18 – Wednesday, April 26 at 9 p.m. – Dateline NBC – To Catch A Predator 4
10:55 – Jah is in bad books for yet again not watching TV picks. TCAP will be in Florida again next week, on Wednesday at 9 p.m.; ABC, Monday, May 15, 8 p.m. – Oprah Winfrey’s Legends Ball; Tuesday, May 16, 8 p.m., ABC – Celebrity Debut, hosted by the Notorious B.A.G. (Brian Austin Green); and Saturday, May 20, FOX, 8:30 p.m. – the 650th episode of COPS
41:07 – Sunday night, May 21, 10-11 p.m. on VH1, Supergroup with Ted Nugent, Sebastian Bach, Scott Ian, Jason Bonham and Evan Seinfeld (Episode 004, 38:43) … all this week, 9 p.m., VH1 – Heavy: The Story of Heavy Metal … Tuesday night, May 23, 8-11 p.m. on CBS, 41st Academy of Country Music Awards … Sunday night 9-11 p.m. and concluding Tuesday night 9-11 p.m. on NBC, 10.5 Apocalypse
34:12 – Seth forgot to plug Baghdad ER on HBO. In defense of that, he plugs the PBS Frontline series, which is doing a 25th anniversary of the first diagnosis of AIDS cases – Tuesday, May 30 and Wednesday, May 31 from 9 to 11 p.m. … On CBS, The Game Show TV Marathon – Wednesday and Thursday night at 8 p.m., hosted by Ricki Lake.
39:01 –Third season premiere of Rescue Me on Tuesday night; Thursday on ABC from 8 to 10 p.m. – 2006 Scripps National Spelling Bee
8:36 – Monday, June 5, 10 p.m. – HBO’s America Undercover: Plastic Disasters; Wednesday, June 7, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central: Dog Bites Man starring Jah’s comedian friend Zach Galifianakis; Sunday, June 11, 10 p.m., final season of Deadwood
8:07 – Seth and Jonathan reference watching Plastic Disasters on HBO (Episode 017, 8:36) and didn’t think it was “off the Richter” as much as they wanted it to be. They mention Lucille, who had a face lift, a nose job and rhinoplasty, then went bananas and developed Body Dismorphic Disorder, which is also one of Seth’s Ailments.
31:49 – Seth let us know about the four-part series Metal, and is now letting us know about VH1’s 4-part series called The Drug Years that will air Monday-Thursday from 9 to 10 p.m. Episode 1: “Break On Through;” Episode 2: “Feed Your Head;” Episode 3: “Just Say No;” and Episode 4: “Teenage Wasteland.”
21:10 – Tuesday night, June 20, HBO, 10 to 11 p.m. on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel: “A Game of Years: The San Quentin Baseball Team” … Thursday night, June 22, TCM, 8 to 9:30 p.m.: Documentary on Billy Wilder … Saturday night, June 24, Oxygen, first original movie is on from 8 to 10 p.m.: Banshee starring Taryn Manning as Sage, a car thief who has stolen a Dodge Charger which belongs to a DJ/serial killer.
34:45 – Thursday, June 29, History Channel, 10 p.m.: American Eats: The Food That Built America: “Pizza” … Also Thursday, Season 2 of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, 10 p.m. on F/X … Thursday, HBO, 9 p.m., Big Hits, Bombs and Blockbusters.
36:18 – Wednesday, July 5, Rock Star: Supernova, featuring Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clark, 8 p.m. on CBS.
45:37 – Saturday night on Hallmark Channel from 9 to 11 p.m.: Wild Hearts starring John Boy from The Waltons and Jo from The Facts of Life. Jogger scored the music for this awful film. … Sunday, July 9, Reno 911 is back, as well as the lost episodes of The Chappelle Show
10:55 – Saturday night on NBC, 8 to 11 p.m. – Miami Vice Undercover: they show the two-hour pilot from 1984 and bring the boys in to talk about the show; Shark Week is coming up on the Discovery Channel; Wednesday, July 26, F/X, Season 2 premiere of 30 Days with Morgan Spurlock.
58:20 – TV Guide Channel, Friday, Aug. 4, 8 p.m. – Trapped In TV Guide, hosted by Growing Pains actor Tracey Gold. With hidden cameras, an unsuspecting person is caught in the middle of their very own iconic television sitcom situation.
23:22 – TV non-pick: A&E, Monday night, 10 and 10:30 p.m., Gene Simmons Family Jewels
37:38 – Tuesday night, Aug. 15, 2 hours, NBC, Miss Teen USA 2006; next Sunday night, Aug. 20, 8 to 10 p.m. on FOX, 2006 Teen Choice Awards; at 10 p.m., switch over to Comedy Central for the 90-minute roast of William Shatner.
26:50 – Monday, Aug. 21, Part I (Acts I & II), 9 to 11 p.m. and Tuesday, Aug. 22, Part II (Acts 3 & 4), 9 to 11 p.m., Spike Lee’s When The Levees Broke: A Requiem In Four Acts on HBO; Friday, Aug. 25 on HBO, the 5th Season premiere of Real Time with Bill Maher; and Sunday, Aug. 27, the Emmys hosted by Conan O’Brien.
23:14 – Celebrity Duets on Tuesday night, featuring the following celebrities: Cheech Marin, Lucy Lawless, Alfonso Ribeiro, Hal Sparks, Leah Thompson, Jai Rodriguez, Carly Patterson and Chris Jericho; and the following pros: Smokey Robinson, Cindy Lauper, Richard Marx, Randy Travis, Dionne Warwick, Brian McKnight, Patti Labelle, Chaka Khan, Aaron Neville, Clint Black, Kenny Loggins and Michael Bolton.
29:10 – Wednesday night, Aug. 30, 20/20’s Elizabeth Vargas is hosting a show called Last Days On Earth, a show that discusses the 8 things that could kill us in the next few years (black holes, artificial intelligence, giant asteroids, super volcanoes, nuclear war, climate change, new crazy diseases); and Thursday night, Aug. 31, MTV Video Music Awards hosted by Jack Black
10:43 – Monday night, Sept. 4, NBC: Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Diff’rent Strokes, with Bobby J playing Gary Coleman; Tuesday, Sept. 5, ABC: The View with the premiere of Rosie O’Donnell; also Tuesday, 6:30 p.m., The CBS Evening News with the premiere of Katie Couric; also Tuesday, 10 p.m. on F/X: Nip/Tuck; next Sunday, Sept. 10, 8 p.m. on FOX, Season 18 of The Simpsons.
8:23 – The 35th season premiere of The Price Is Right is on Monday, Sept. 18 at 11 a.m. 83-year-old vegetarian host Bob Barker returns; Megan Mulally is starting her own talk show, Square Off, on Monday afternoon (CYLL); Julia-Louise Dreyfuss is debuting The New Adventures of Old Christine at 9:30 p.m. on CBS; jump over to NBC for Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip; Tuesday, Boston Legal on CBS; Wednesday and Thursday, 9 to 11 p.m., PBS, American Masters Series: Andy Warhol, directed by Rick Burns; Thursday night, James Woods’ Shark, 10 p.m. on CBS.
18:07 – Monday night Sept. 25, ESPN Monday Night Football, Saints vs. Falcons at the Superdome; Tuesday night, HBO, Wait ‘Til Next Year: The Saga of the Chicago Cubs at 10 p.m.; also Tuesday night, ABC, 9:30 p.m.: Help Me Help You starring Ted Danson; and the 32nd season premier of Saturday Night Live on Saturday, Sept. 30, with Dane Cook as host and The Killers as musical guests.
37:04 – House of Carters debuted and it is on between the two brothers; Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team started last week on CMT – this is Seth’s favorite show; Fashion House is not a TV pick – Jah thought it was a VHS porn at first; I Pity The Fool starring Mr. T is on TV Land Wednesday night at 10 p.m.; CSI Thursday night, 9 p.m., features Kevin Federline.
12:18 – Lisa Ling doing a National Geographic Explorer profile on The World’s Most Dangerous Drug, crystal meth, on Wednesday at 5 and 8 p.m. on National Geographic; Oct. 21, Comedy Central, When The Leaves Blow Away, an hour-long comedy special by Steven Wright; Sunday night, Season 2 premiere of Breaking Bonaduce with Danny Bonaduce, who is about as played out as meth.
38:26 – Friday, Oct. 27, 8 to 9 p.m., ABC, The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
29:56 – Two TV picks this week, both reality shows. The first is the longest-running reality show on television. Jah doesn’t know it until Seth gives him the hint “Inner Circle.” COPS returns Saturday night, Nov. 25 at 8 p.m. with “Bad Girls: Special Edition #10,” when an 18-year-old prostitute gets tasered by her pimp. TV’s second-longest reality show is also back on with Season 18 of The Real World in Denver, Colo. Jah then talks about a Girls Gone Wild Real World where former cast members go out and tell girls to show them their tits.
19:48 – There are eight reality TV shows premiering this week: Monday, Jan. 1, 2007, High Maintenance 90210; Sunday on HGTV, CYLL for Meet the Begleys; also Sunday, 8 p.m., NBC, Grease: You’re the One That I Want, 9 p.m., VH1, Surreal Life: Fame Games; 10 p.m. on Sunday, MTV, I’m From Rolling Stone; Monday, VH1, I’m From New York; and Ego Trip’s White Rapper Show with MC Search from Third Base on VH1; on Lifetime, Gay, Straight or Taken.
29:09 – NBC ordered some pilots; they’re going to do a remake of The Bionic Woman; Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune were both picked up through the 2011-2012 TV seasons. Pat and Vanna are entering their 24th season, while Alex Trebeck is starting his 23rd season. They once had an April Fool’s edition when they switched shows. Armed and Famous (Wednesday, 8 p.m., CBS) had an incident in which Erik Estrada got into a shouting match with a stabbed dude in an ambulance because the guy was calling him Emilio Estevez; Sunday night, Jan. 14, two Season 2 premieres on HBO: at 9 p.m., the final season of Rome amd at 10 p.m. Ricky Gervais’ Extras; lastly, a show on the Biography channel, Final 24 will feature episode 2, River Phoenix; and CYLL on this one – the only reality show they failed to mention last week but by far the best one, VH1’s Shooting Sizemore.
22:32 – On Thursday, Jan. 18, Stephen Colbert will appear on The O’Reilly Factor and later that night Bill O’Reilly will appear on The Colbert Report.
57:09 – Seth was pissed when they canceled Joey. He was excited because Joey had a date coming up but then the show never came back on and Joey never got his date with that waitress that he met at Jamba Juice in that crazy episode called “Joey Goes to Jamba Juice.”
38:00 – Monday night, Feb. 5, 10:30 p.m. on E!, The Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Mitch Hedberg; Tuesday night, TCAP, 8 p.m.; 10 p.m. on HBO – Bastards at the Party, the history of gangs in Los Angeles; Wednesday, Feb. 7, CYLL, TV Land, Episode #100 of The Brady Bunch, “Peter and the Wolf”; Saturday night, 11 p.m. on HBO: Cathouse. Also, 2.4 million people watched the Miss America Pageant. In 1960 85 million watched it.
33:56 – Friday night, 11 p.m., HBO, Real Time With Bill Maher; Saturday night, 8 p.m., FOX, COPS: Tough Takedowns; 9 p.m. on FOX, America’s Most Wanted: Sexual Predators; Sunday night, CYLL on Fox News, The Half Hour News Hour.
42:30 – Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? hosted by Jeff Foxworthy on FOX; Spike TV has teamed up with the IFOCE to broadcast 3 events this year, starting with the St. Patrick’s Day Chowdown in Savannah, Ga.; Last Call With Carson Daly all this week is celebrating 5 years on the air; The Agency series premiere, Tuesday night, 10 p.m., VH1, featuring agents at the Wilhelmina Modeling Agency
36:24 – Beckham and Posh are coming to Los Angeles. The creators of American Idol will team up with NBC for a 6-part reality show about their arriving in Los Angeles. … Seth gives a wrap-up of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? The questions were impossible. Foxworthy kept talking to the child actors on the show and saying things like “You look like you forgot your bookbag,” “You look like you lost your locker combination,” “You look like you don’t have any lunch money.” A dude from Boston who was dumb as shit got on there and said he would buy a camouflaged Lamborghini if he won the prize money
39:21 – Vincent Pastore had to drop out of Dancing With The Stars; ABC is doing a pilot based on the Geico caveman commercials – they’re in modern-day Atlanta battling caveman prejudices; Seth loves Maui Fever but now he’s down with The Agency on VH1 (CYLL); VH1 also has Australia’s Next Top Model on Monday nights from 10 to 11:30 p.m.
46:07 - More of Seth's wrap-up from Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Foxworthy asks the Masshole "How many E's are in the phrase: PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE?" The dude keeps going, "OK, 'the' is one..." Foxworthy gets up in his grill and keeps repeating it, and the Masshole finally figures it out.
43:28 – Shaquille O’Neal will have a 6-episode reality show for ABC this summer, focused on fighting childhood obesity. … Larry King Live, Monday afternoon, guest Bill Maher … Paradise City – new reality show about young people finding life and love in Las Vegas. Andrew Dice Clay wears cutoff leather workout gloves and an Everlast sweatshirt, thinking he will sell out arenas doing his tired old stand-up from 20 years ago. … Jah watched The Pussycat Dolls and said the girls looked pretty grim. Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray comes out and does the judging. … Seth continues to plug The Agency. … In response to Cavemen, the Association of Social Anthropologists have deemed the term “stone age” as offensive. These are the kinds of issues they’ll tackle on this show.
48:13 – Seth talks a lot about The Agency because he loves it. He also loves a new show on the G4 Network called Ninja Warrior, an obstacle course set up by the Japanese that is impossible to beat. They keep making it harder rather than easier – it features 4 different stages, 2 with a time clock and two without, testing strength, agility and awesomeness … Sunday, April 1 on A&E – the series premiere of Sons of Hollywood, featuring Randy Spelling (Aaron Spelling’s son), Sean Stewart (Rod Stewart) and agent David Weintraub.
52:17 – DJ Paul and Juicy J of Three 6 Mafia will appear on The Adventures in Spring Break ’07 on MTV, where they take three USC cheerleaders to Acapulco. It is a precursor to their new show Adventures in Hollyhood, Thursday April 15 at 10 p.m. on MTV.
45:10 – Season 6, Tuesday night, FX, The Shield; Tuesday night, VH1, season finale of The Agency; Thursday night, MTV Adventures In Hollyhood with Three 6 Mafia; Saturday, Punk’d – all eight episodes as a special sneak preview; Sunday night, HBO, first of the final 9 episodes, The Sopranos. Jah won’t watch any of these but he will watch The Winner.
36:18 – Last week, for the first time in 58 weeks, Jonathan watched a TV pick – Sons of Hollywood. He says it’s a treat and encourages everyone else to watch the show.
39:10 – On CBS, at 9:30 p.m. on Monday night, the 200th episode of King of Queens – the first of the last 7 episodes. It’s the last sitcom left that premiered in the 1990s.
46:42 – Thursday night, May 3, 8 p.m. on NBC – My Name Is Earl season finale is a Laugh-n-Sniff episode during which NBC will prompt you when to scratch your corresponding card; British paranormal TV show Most Haunted is going to do a séance for Hannibal, the deceased George Peppard
13:26 – ABC did pick up Cavemen, Tuesday nights, 8 p.m.; also Tuesday nights, 10 p.m. on ABC, Boston Legal returns with a twist – featuring John Larroquette; this week, Saturday night, VH1, The Last Days of Left Eye, a documentary chronicling the last days of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.
29:16 – Monday night on E!, from 10:30 to 11, there’s a new reality show – the first of 6 episodes – Sunset Tan. It takes you inside the trials and tribulations of Hollywood’s most successful upscale tanning salon, located at 8539 Sunset Blvd. … Starting on Monday night, CMT is launching its Dukes of Hazzard farewell tour. After two years on the network, they’re saying goodbye, airing all 143 episodes back to back, 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., Monday-Thursday throughout the summer. … Next Friday, June 1, in Nashville, Tenn., DukesFest is expecting more than 70,000 people. … Monday night on NBC and Telemundo, 9 to 11 p.m., Miss Universe live from Mexico City – 77 countries will be represented. Hosts will be Vanessa Minnillo and Mario Lopez. Judges are Tony Romo and Dave Navarro. The contestant from Jamaica is a Rastafarian, who is trying to dispel stereotypes of marijuana and reggae beats. She is 25 years old and her name is Zahra Redwood … Wednesday night, May 30, Next Best Thing on ABC – Who is the greatest celebrity impersonator? From the producers of Last Comic Standing
33:05 – Seth watched the season finale of Adventures In Hollyhood, where Three 6 Mafia has to go back to Memphis for inspiration to cut a track because Hollywood has sapped the flavor out of them. They roll into Jack Pirtle’s Chicken, and order a #2 – a 6-piece gizzard, large fries and a grape soda for $4.40. … So You Think You Can Dance? is having all of its early hopefuls who can’t dance at all … Miss Universe results: Miss Japan won, and Miss USA fell on her ass in her evening gown. She was booed by the Mexico City audience when she went up to answer her question. She reaches into the glass bowl to see who’s going to answer her question, and it’s Judge No. 1, Tony Romo. The question: “If you could relive one moment in your past, what would it be and why?” Dave Navarro gave the kiss of his index finger and middle finger and pointed to the camera after being introduced as “International Rock Superstar David Navarro.” … Seth declares that Sunset Tan was plain awesome. They introduce you to Nick, who claims to be the best salesman. He helps a little girl look like Lindsay Lohan by giving her a base tan, a spray, etc., for $1,300. Some girl that’s not from Hollywood comes in and says her dad won’t let her do this because it’s too much for her. There’s a catfight at a pool party, and the owner constantly says, “Let’s kick some ass!” … John Langley of COPS fame has a new show he’s trying to bust out called Jail – it follows inmate from their booking to their last day behind bars.
20:58 – Seth reminisces about Mad About You. He had never seen an episode of it, but upon watching it he observes that Helen Hunt is kind of bitchy on the show. … Seth watched Next Best Thing, which featured impeccable impersonations of Rodney Dangerfield and Howard Stern. They also brought out a Kenny Chesney, Steven Tyler and Roseanne. … Seth declares that Tyler Perry’s House of Payne on TBS is a low-rent show. The sets look like the sets from the in-show show on Extras. He watched two of the shows and will not be watching the next 198. … American Inventor had 4 judges, three of whom were actual inventors. All the judges turned down every invention, except George Foreman, who signs off on everything: “You know what, I need that.” … Criss Angel Mindfreak levitates over the Luxor Hotel, 500 feet in the air. People below are yelling for him to “Be careful!” One dude goes, “Oh, Vegas, man…” Another dude: “That’s a mindfreak.” Angel is on the front cover of Dub Magazine this month.
9:15 – Jah admits he never watches any of the TV Seth talks about on the show, but he did sneak in 2 hours of a show called America’s Got Talent this week. He learned of a new term called a “Hasselhug,” which is a hug from judge David Hasselhoff if you’ve had a rough day. Jah thinks he and Paula Abdul should leg wrestle until they’re vomiting on each other. He sits there like a mean-eyed lazy drunk and keeps turning around and interacting with the live audience.
54:25 – Seth says that on Next Best Thing they had an Avril Lavigne impersonator who looked exactly like her. Seth claims there were too many Stevie Nicks impersonators to count, and many male Cher impersonators. … Seth watched Poor Man’s race at Hollywood Park with a bunch of beauty queens, and the girl from Russia won. Jerry Buss was there with a couple of Asians on his arm. … Seth observes that Carson Daly frequently has shitty musical guests on, and the girls in the front row are going crazy for them and singing along with all the words.
39:15 – Baldwin Hills, Tuesday night, 10 to 11 p.m. on BET, profiles teens in the “Black Bel-Air”; next weekend, VH1, 9 p.m., Rock of Love With Brett Michaels and Scott Baio Is… 45 And Single.
22:49 – There have been some problems at ABC with Cavemen – they’re reshooting the pilot and some people have been recast. Seth hopes he wasn’t being racist when he recommended Baldwin Hills. It wasn’t as good as he wanted it to be. Seth then got into a show called Hell Date on BET where it’s a practical joke using a really horrible date, but at the end a black midget wearing a pleather Satan outfit comes out and stabs the punkee with a pitchfork, saying “You’re on Hell Date!”; next Wednesday, July 25, 10 to 11 p.m., two new shows BET is premiering: Hot Ghetto Mess – the good, the bad and the ugly of black popular culture starring Charlie Murphy; and SOB (Socially Offensive Behavior) starring D.L. Hughley. Next Saturday, From Berkley in Boston, you can watch Bill Maher’s one-hour standup special on HBO; and Back To The Grind Wednesday night on TV Land has actors play the roles in real life that they played on their shows.
2:56 – After 3 seasons of dramatizing the daily lives of the private youth of Laguna Beach down in the O.C., they’re going even more privileged – Newport Beach in the real Orange County.
43:33 – “Stronger. Hungrier. Deadlier.” Shark Week is back on The Discovery Channel for the 20th anniversary on Sunday, July 29 – 75 episodes of shark-related content. They’re employing shark whisperers, they’re going to try to hypnotize a shark, etc. … Hot Ghetto Mess was a disaster – Home Depot and State Farm pulled ads from the controversial show before they changed the title to We Got To Do Better. … There’s only one show we need, and that’s Sunday night, two back-to-back episodes from 10-10:30 and 10:30-11 on A&E, The Two Coreys starring Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. “Reunited” is the title of the first episode, while “Lost Boys” is the title of the second episodes. It’s a faux reality show, meaning they kind of script it, but then the emotions are real. Corey Haim to Corey Feldman: “You wanna step? You wanna step?! I will knock you out!” … The cast of the new season of The Surreal Life has been announced: Macho Man Randy Savage, Miss Cleo, Nikki McGibbin, Dabney Coleman, Carrot Top and Phil Hellmuth.
45:14 – On Monday night on VH1 at 10 p.m., Mission: Man Band. The name of the band is Sureshot, starring Rich Cronin of LFO, Brian Adams of Color Me Badd, Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees and Chris Kirkpatrick of *NSYNC. … Right before that at 9 p.m. is a show called The Pickup Artist, where they bring 6 nerds into a bar and set them loose and set up hidden cameras to watch them fail. The weirdest dude named Mystery, described by Seth as Criss Angel’s older brother, Bob Angel, goes in and just macks on the women. … Back-to-back episodes at 10:30 and 11 p.m., The Rock Life, with L.A.’s own band Whitestarr, starring Cisco Adler. … Seth said people are sleeping on A Model Life on TLC on Friday nights. … Sunday night, The Two Coreys was on. Haim was trying to convince Feldman that they were going to write Lost Boys 2 and be superstars. He yelled at Susie and Corey Feldman, “She’s not part of the Coreys. She never will be!” … on Tuesday night, August 7, 2007, Jonathan will celebrate his 30th birthday by watching L.A. Ink on TLC at 10 p.m. – starring Kat von D.
56:27 – VH1, Monday nights, 9 p.m., The Pickup Artist. Mystery teaches us with his protoges J-Dog and Matador. … Sunday night, Comedy Central, The Roast of Flavor Flav. … Friday night, High School Musical 2 on The Disney Channel. 4 million copies of the soundtrack sold in the U.S., 160 million total viewers, Part 3 will be coming out in movie theaters later this year. … National Geographic Channel series Taboo shows “Initiation Rituals” and “Skin Deep.” … Man vs. Wild was having its host, Bear Grylls, stay in Ritz Carlton hotels
20:25 – Seth just watched the last episode of The Two Coreys, where Haim does what he thinks is a favor for Feldman, trying to get his band, Truth Movement, together for a show. Feldman is a little flustered when he finds out about it because they do such an elaborate stage show and they have to bring in lighting technicians. They need a smoke machine, laser beams and silly string for the show. Feldman is doing his full Michael Jackson impression. Seth calls the music “awesome.”
38:15 – America’s Most Wanted is at 956 captures as of showtime
52:38 – High School Musical 2 had 17.2 million viewers – the most watched basic cable telecast ever. There’s a hidden gay agenda in it.
56:39 – On Fox, the Teen Choice Awards are on Sunday night.
43:04 – Tuesday night, 10 p.m., CMT, 1 hour, Seth’s favorite show is back – the Season 2 premiere of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders; Thursday night, Saints vs. Colts, Giants vs. Cowboys on Sunday; Hank Williams will be back for the 19th year of Monday Night Football.
32:42 – Seth has been watching The Pickup Artist, and has learned to negate the lady by giving offhanded negative comments to keep the lady on guard. The joy of the show is watching dudes go in and try to pull girls. Last week Mystery was in a lace-up poncho, a top hat, ski goggles and full makeup, telling these guys how to hit on girls with Matador and J-Dog. One of the dudes goes up to girls with the opener, “This is a really important question I have to ask you – do you floss before or after you brush?” The first girl he gets to bite on this and at least give him an answer, he goes “Are you familiar with Myspace?” … On her first day on The View, Whoopi Goldberg defended Michael Vick.
38:07 – Seth had a doozy last night on MSNBC when he watched unseen footage of a jailhouse interview with Charles Manson 20 years ago in 1987.
45:47 – Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, Sunday night; first two episodes of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Thursday, Sept. 13, F/X.
34:57 – Seth drops a bunch of syndicated court shows that were on this week: Judge Maria Lopez, Judge Joe Brown, Judge David Young, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex, Judge Hatchett, Judge Judy, Jury Duty with Bruce Cutler, Divorce Court, People’s Court, Christina’s Court. … Jonathan can’t believe that Steve Wilkos, the bodyguard from The Jerry Springer Show, got his own talk show, The Steve Wilkos Show. Seth says the last time he watched Springer he was taking bong hits and playing ping pong at 632 N. Beachwood Ave. in LA.
50:05 – Seth is retelling the latest Tila Tequila episode, specifically the segment in which she asks them to bring her a gift. Ben from Boston brings a teabag and dips in the mug, then says that’s what he wants to do to her. Seth: “Nice to meet you, I’m Ben, I’m from the greater Boston area. Watch how I take it and see how I’m putting it in the hot water? Those are my balls and the mug is your mouth and this is what I wanna do to you. Your name is what?”
41:39 – Saturday night, 8 p.m. on Fox, COPS special edition of Stupid Criminals; Jail, Tuesday night, 9 p.m. on MyNetworkTV – a show where they profile people who have been arrested that night.
19:00 – Seth watches Snoop Dogg’s new show Fatherhood, and isn’t too impressed.
27:24 – They have finally released Seasons 1 and 2 of Weird Science on DVD
2:20 – Seth and Jonathan are loving Ocean Force: Hermosa Beach on TrueTV, Thursday nights at 10 and 10:30
36:06 – Seth and Jonathan reminisce about old Nickelodeon game shows like You Can’t Do That On Television with Alanis Morisette, Double Dare with Marc Summers and Remote Control with Kari Wuhrer
37:34 – Seth is watching Larry King Live on Friday, with guest Snoop Dogg. Larry says: “Tonight Snoop Dogg gets real and keeps it crack-a-lackin,” and “…the man who put the ‘izzle’ in fo’ shizzle.” Later in the week, with Bill Maher: “Check out our latest podecast…”
49:53 – Seth’s new favorite show, Jail, had an awesome show this week. They taped one from Clark County, NV, when O.J. Simpson rolled in. O.J. isn’t mic’d but you can hear him talking about finding his golf swing for the first time in a month. All the rest of the inmates want to swing on his balls, and the guards are chatting it up with him. The guards also simultaneously maced and tazed a guy on the show.
44:01 – Seth watched My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad, hosted by Dan Cortese, on NBC, and had a full panic attack
52:43 – Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew is in full force with a variety of crews: Breaksk8, Status Quo, Live in Color, Fysh N Chicks and JabbaWockeeZ
51:35 – Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, weekdays at 11 a.m. on Nick Jr. It’s for ages 2-5, teaching kids Mandarin. Seth claims that it is full bananas coconuts, and he advises everybody to watch one episode stoned. Jah doesn’t know what Dora the Explorer is, but he does know what Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? is.
0:28 – Jonathan has no one but Seth to thank for getting hooked on America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV. Jah is a JabbaWockeeZ fan but Seth is all about Status Quo – Quo fo sho.
52:50 – That’s Amore starring Dominico, a castoff from Tila Tequila’s show; Ax Men on the History Channel debuts Sunday at 10 p.m. – follows 4 logging crews in NW Oregon on North America’s most dangerous job. We’ll learn about beavertailing, widowmakers and spiked trees.
4:25 – The CW is planning a spinoff of Beverly Hills 90210
6:24 – As we speak, the JabbaWockeez robbed Status Quo of the victory because Status Quo are an African American group, according to Seth.
52:34 – The JabbaWockeeZ won America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV despite Seth rooting for Status Quo; Rock the Cradle on MTV on Thursday nights features the offspring of nine rock legends – Jesse Blaze Snider (Dee Snider), Lucy Walsh (Joe Walsh), Chloe Lattanzi (Olivia Newton-John), Crosby Loggins (Kenny Loggins), Lil B Shure! (Al B. Sure!), Jesse Money (Eddie Money), A’Keiba Burrell-Hammer (MC Hammer), Landon Brown (Bobby Brown), Lara Johnston (Tom Johnston of The Doobie Brothers); Kid’s Choice Awards 2008 hosted by Jack Black were phenomenal.
29:22 – Jah loves Rock the Cradle, all 1 ½ hours of it. He doesn’t want the show to end and he doesn’t want anyone to get voted off … Seth likes Step It Up and Dance with Elizabeth Berkley.
47:09 – Seth watched Miss Rap Supreme on VH1, where they’re looking for a female MC. Like every reality show, Seth picks the contestant from Boston and backs them blindly. There’s a girl named DAB, a former heroin addict and Masshole, who he’s behind. There’s another contestant named Chiba, 28, from Neptune N.J., who has hair covering her left eye, not unlike Left Eye from TLC. … There’s only one show for Jah, Rock the Cradle, but Seth wouldn’t let him watch it before they recorded the episode tonight.
14:54 – Seth dips in to Dancing With The Stars after his mom’s beckoning, and gets an intense panic attack from watching a segment with little kids dancing around the stage. Seth thinks it’s the only thing you can do as a little person but it comes off as a big person. Jah thinks this might be true.
21:29 – Flavor Flav’s new show, Under One Roof, made Jah think it was a sketch of a sketch of bad black sitcoms.
52:39 – HBO’s Hard Knocks, going behind the scenes of the Dallas Cowboys training camp; June 19 will give us a new season of America’s Best Dance Crew.
29:19 – New, on TruTV, Monday nights at 8 p.m., Party Heat: Bayou Blast Part I and II follows the Louisiana Wildlife and Fish agents as they hand out BWIs hundreds of drunk girls in bikinis being crazy loud and obnoxious dudes. Next week they’re going to Lake Havasu. … Jah’s staple pick is the new season of America’s Best Dance Crew.
46:48 – Seth reminds us that The Two Coreys is back, Sunday nights, 10 and 10:30 p.m. on A&E. They’re in Hollywood now and Feldman’s got new paintings up around the house.
8:47 – It’s Shark Week again (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33). Jah maintains his theory that last year Shark Week took a week from Black History month, even though Shark Week is always in July, not February. … Jah plugs his friend Emily, who is one of the contestants on Project Runway. She’s made it through the first two weeks and Jah calls on UYD nation to root for her.
15:40 – This Sunday, check out The Two Coreys on A&E at 10:00, then Sunset Tan is back on E! at 10:30 p.m. Seth had a panic attack from the season 4 premiere of Criss Angel Mindfreak.
56:37 – Season 2 of Parking Wars returns on Wednesday nights at 10 and 10:30 p.m. on A&E, following the Philadelphia Parking Authority.
58:31 – Seth touts the return of The Pickup Artist and how Eric Von Marcovick (“Mystery”) is his personal friend (Episode 089, 0:57)
19:32 – Seth watched Wife Swap, which featured a Rastafarian family swapping with a poor family, and the Rasta dad jacked the family’s jar of cash to buy beer. Seth really liked the show.
9:30 – Monday, Dec. 29, 9 p.m. on MTV - the series premiere of Brody Jenner’s Bromance
18:04 – Seth got a panic attack watching the season finale of The Pickup Artist, where Simeon and Matt had the lamest cold opens ever. Simeon: “Hey ladies, tell me what movie this line is from – ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner.’?” Matt: “Hey ladies, whew. So crazy… me and my friends, we just pulled off a caper – the likes that have not been seen since the end of Ocean’s Eleven.”
50:09 – Jah has never watched an entire episode of CSI or Criminal Minds, but he has watched an entire episode of Law & Order. Scrubs is coming back for another season on ABC; it used to be on NBC.
15:39 – UYD is pitching two shows to networks. One is called So You Think You’re Alive, an existential reality/discussion show they’re trying to sell to Nova, and then So You Think You Can Eat, a competitive eating reality show for Food Network hosted by Dom DeLouise and Kobayashi
16:26 – Reality show rundown: Game Show In My Head, started Jan. 3, 8-9 p.m. on CBS, produced by Ashton Kutcher and hosted by Joe Rogan … Confessions of a Teen Idol, started Jan. 4, 8-9 p.m. on VH1, produced and hosted by Scott Baio and Jason Hervey … True Beauty, Jan. 5, 10-11 p.m. on ABC … Howie Do It, Friday, Jan. 9, 8-9 p.m. on NBC … CMT Cribs, Saturday, Jan. 10, 9-9:30 on CMT … Tool Academy, Sunday, Jan. 11, 10-11 p.m. on VH1 … American Idol Season 7, Tuesday, Jan. 13, 8-9 p.m. on FOX … Eddie Griffin: Going for Broke, Monday, Jan. 26, 10-10:30 p.m. on VH1 … The Exterminators, Wednesday, Feb. 4, 10:30-11 p.m. on A&E … Jockeys, Friday, Feb. 6, 9-10 p.m. on Animal Planet.
22:37 – Seth thinks they should have their own show called Herda Hadda Herda where they go into the Holler and just herda-hadda-herda
31:48 – So You Think You’re Gertrude Baines is UYD’s new reality show idea about old people who have to get hooked up with people who try to get them to live longer.
32:29 – ABC News correspondent John Quiñones hosts Primetime’s segment “What Would You Do?” This week’s edition focuses on racism.
44:34 – Seth discusses another Primetime “What Would You Do?” segment hosted by John Quiñones, this time it features a dude slipping something into a woman’s drink and seeing how strangers react.
1:02:43 – New season of America’s Best Dance Crew was on last night. Seth says to look out for Dynamic Edition of Alabama that infuse tap, The Ringmasters from Brooklyn and The Beat Freaks, an all-girl crew from L.A. … American Idol was pretty funny on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Seth admits that Simon makes him laugh.
11:44 – Seth watched a couple episodes of House while he was lying on his mother’s couch at home in Boston over Christmas, up all night watching episodes. In one episode, he solved the craziest medical riddle ever, and Seth was like “wow that’s amazing.” On another episode, House trips on acid, and then does another even crazier riddle, and in the end he’s right again. Seth thought to himself, “Does this happen every episode?” If Seth worked with House, he’d be like, “Just ask House, he’ll figure it out,” and then go to the movies.
57:00 – Seth dips back into the John Quiñones-hosted segment from Primetime, “What Would You Do?” In this week’s episode, they sent in blind people into a bakery and the guy working behind the counter would be like “Yeah, what’s up Helen Keller? Step right up.” He would then hand them incorrect change with their paper money. They also did people dropping stuff at Open Houses and then interviewing the people who would just swipe stuff
1:05 – For The Love of Ray-J is a new reality dating show on VH1 where women compete for R&B artist Ray-J’s love.
27:13 – More of Primetime’s John Quiñones hosting “What Would You Do?”: They stick a baby in a hot SUV in the summer and people are just walking by the SUV not doing anything. Seth says they would’ve thrown a chair through the window to save the baby
9:36 – Seth teases Friday’s 20/20 episode where Diane Sawyer is doing an investigative report on the poverty in Appalachia. They did a teaser on Good Morning America that showed that the toothlessness rate is so high because everyone there is addicted to Mountain Dew
30:40 – Jah got to watch an episode of Trading Spaces last night because Dimitri has crazy satellite feeds coming in all the time. The dude from Extreme Makeover was still a carpenter guy at this point. They remade two double-wide trailers for lesbian couples and Jah loved all 30 minutes of it. He wants a listener to tell him they have seen this epi.
4:48 – Jimmy Fallon is hosting his first night as a late-night talk show host on Monday, March 2. His first guests will be Robert De Niro and Van Morrison
32:06 – Seth re-references the 20/20 episode about the Mountain Dew mouth (Episode 154, 9:36) where they pull up to a group of people trying to get rubber off tires and making black smoke. People there go into a convenience store and buy 2 Milky Ways, a Snickers, 4 bags of chips and a 40-ounce Mountain Dew. A baby is walking around in a dirty diaper in the house where they don’t have any formula, so the dad give the baby some Pepsi. They show a kid who’s a good football player and they want him to get out but he can’t. His stepbrother has a 17-year-old girlfriend with 2 kids, smoking and she found him fucking his 15-year-old stepsister in an outhouse. They have to take the 15-year-old girl to a Social Services place so she can deal with that. They’re driving down the hill to go into town, and the father is getting angry about the stereotypes of incest and saying it happens everywhere: “You know the saying – the closer the kin, the deeper in.”
36:37 – Seth talks about John Quiñones doing a study with a 92-year-old man behind the wheel. The man walks up to another dude and asks “I don’t know what kind of car I drove.” The man wants to help him find it, rather than sit him down for a second and call the nursing home he wandered out of. Another guy shows the old man how to start the car and allow him to drive it. … Then they show creepy dudes in a park trying to hang out with little girls on the playground. The people there didn’t know what to do, some went over and asked if he knew the girl. Seth thinks everyone’s first reaction should be either tackling the dude or taking a baseball bat to his knees.
33:17 – A couple shout-outs for March: Sunday, March 8 on E! from 10:30 to 11:00 – Candy Girls – a talent agency that books background dancers for hip-hop videos; and Tough Love, premiering March 14 on VH1 from 10 to 11 p.m. – 8 very attractive women live in a house and face brutally honest opinions by matchmaker Steve Ward
17:30 – Ted Or Alive, Ted Nugent’s show on Outdoor Life Network. Season 2 starts Jan. 8. Check your local listings.
35:57 – Roller Girls on A&E – people are down with it
44:13 – New season of Dancing With The Stars features Stacy Keibler, Drew Lachey, Lisa Renna, George Hamilton, Gisele Fernandez and Master P for Lil’ Romeo, Tia Carrere and Kenny Mayne.
2:17 – Runway Mom on Discovery Health Network because pregnant moms are a hot market
4:33 – Celebrity Fit Club III with Jeff Conaway – he went loco and claimed he was touched by a pedophile. Young MC is also on the show
1:21 – In the show Battlestar Galactica, the characters replace the word “fuck” with “frack” and use it in copious amounts.
53:40 – Starting April 15, The Cougar on TV Land, 10-11 p.m. starring Stacy Anderson, a successful realtor in Scottsdale, Ariz., who will choose among 20-somethings; Pitchman on Discovery Network – Billy Mayes and Sully Sullivan look into the history of people who sell their products
55:40 – VH1 is bringing back Behind The Music this summer, kicking off 10 episodes with Scott Weiland and Lil’ Wayne
7:14 – This episode of UYD is brought to you by NBC’s new show, Southland.
33:54 – Season finale of For The Love of Ray-J: He asks Cocktail if she was there for the love of Ray-J, and she said yes. Jah watched the end of Rock of Love and couldn’t believe how big the girl’s goofy fake tits were.
39:29 – 2009 Miss USA Pageant on NBC was hosted by Billy Bush, who had mono and kissed 15 contestants. Seth was impressed with third place, Miss Arizona, who was asked about universal health care for the U.S.: “I think this is an issue of integrity. Regardless of which end of the political spectrum that I stand on, I’ve been raised in a family to know right from wrong. In politics, whether or not you fall in the middle, the left or the right, it’s an issue of integrity, whatever your opinion is, and I say that with the utmost conviction.” The crowd roared. Miss North Carolina won. She enjoys online shopping, board games with her family and mission work. Her mother was Miss North Carolina 1982.
6:44 – Jah wants to know if anybody watches TV anymore besides Seth, because he thinks he is free-floating through space at this point and has disconnected.
5:52 – NBC has greenlit another comedy called Community, which is set in a small-town community college. It stars Joel McHale and Chevy Chase.
14:43 – Seth rehashes MTV’s Maui Fever, which hit him like a ton of bricks in January 2007.
53:24 – Jersey Shore Unleashed Sunday nights on E!, where five girls get a beach cottage on the shore and just party. Jah says he would watch it, just like he did Ocean Force (Episode 103, 2:20).
4:31 – Jah gives us more perspective on him being a Lost nerd (Episode 64, 52:40) by referencing “tailies,” or people who went down in the tail end of the plane, when referencing a downed plane.
12:31 – Conan O’Brien’s first Tonight Show will be Monday, June 1. His guests are Will Ferrell and Pearl Jam.
10:35 – Seth watched Good Morning America’s Best Barbeque Challenge. Dinosaur’s in Syracuse, N.Y. – a biker joint – beat out a place called Archibald’s BBQ in Northport, Ala. – an old-fashioned Southern rib shack owned by a black dude with no front teeth. This leads Seth to believe that GMA is a racist morning news magazine show.
23:05 – Seth watched a George Strait tribute concert on CBS, and to his dismay, Jamie Foxx make an appearance.
28:37 – Seth was watching a new show on A&E called Obsessed that features people who are off-the-deep-end OCD, and it makes Seth feel so much better about himself because he isn’t as bad as them.
37:20 – Seth watched 20/20 last week, which featured a summer camp for kids with Tourette’s Syndrome. He watched one scene in a cafeteria where one kid’s tic set off a chain reaction of other tics and it was a cacophony of complete madness. Jah liked the 60 Minutes feature “Twitch & Shout.”
2:16 – NBC’s new show, The Listener, features a young paramedic who has telepathic powers which he uses discretely in both his job and his personal life.
9:33 – Seth talks about Heidi and Spencer leaving the reality show I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and then they came back and Spencer slaps a water bottle out of Frangela’s (Frances Gallier and Angela V. Shelton) hands. Jah kind of wants to be on the show, but Seth says he couldn’t handle being in the Costa Rican jungle
11:12 – Seth watched Earth 2100 on ABC, looking ahead 100 years. Basically they told him this would be the last century of human civilization.
34:05 –Seth watched the season 2 premiere of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, which featured a girl named Katie, the punk rock princess. All the girls are introduced in a lineup where they speak out into the darkness to Paris, pleading their case to be her new BFF. Katie prepared a letter that she wrote while in tears: “I want to drive with you to McDonald’s and order some fries.” Later, in an interview, still in tears: “I am so scared that she might not pick me and that she might not like me.” Later they bring everyone to Vegas, and Katie goes “What happens in Vegas … ends up on Myspace!”
47:02 – Under the Harpo banner, Jenny McCarthy will be getting her own talk show in the summer of 2010.
1:04:04 – Seth has never seen a minute of The Wire but he still knows it’s one of the best things ever.
6:21 – Seth saw Ben Lyons on Good Morning America and under his name they put “Movie Expert.”
24:52 – Monday, June 15, Dateline NBC has Dr. Hansen back with a new special called “Vegas Undercover.” He spent a year with the Vegas Metro, he’s with detectives from the Pimp Investigation Team, he’s with an Auto Theft Unit called the “Viper Squad.” What happens in Vegas could end up on Dateline.
26:17 – Seth watched The World’s Strongest Toddler on TLC starring 3-year-old Liam Hoekstra.
35:48 – Paris Hilton: My New Dubai BFF
18:26 – At the CMT Music Awards, Toby Keith and T-Pain dually presented an award to Kid Rock
28:46 – When Seth is bogged down by chemtrails, he just puts on Bravo on Tuesday nights and watches NYC Prep.
47:25 – Seth saw a documentary on HBO called Be Like Others. Although homosexuality in Iran is illegal and you could be killed for it, it’s about how sex change operations are totally chill. They change your birth certificate and you start a new life. You meet with a psychiatrist, etc.
52:18 – MSNBC has a show with Joe Scarborough that used to be called Morning Joe, but now that it’s sponsored by Starbucks it’s called Morning Joe: Brewed by Starbucks. He was on with female co-host Mika Brzezinski and 4 other male pundits. They were talking about White House press secretary Robert Gibbs and his high school yearbook photo, in which he had an earring. One of the pundits comes clean about having an earring, and Mike Barnacle said, “What you had an earring? Did you also have a pearl necklace?” Everybody busts out laughing, except the woman has zero idea what they’re talking about.
45:23 – Seth brags about his new favorite show, NYC Prep. He wants to be these kids, especially 16-year-old Sebastian. He speaks French and has crazy hair. He just has to ask for a number if he wants it.
18:46 – On NYC Prep this week, we met Sebastian’s father, Jeff. Jeff told him that it’s difficult growing up in New York, and he wants him to keep his grades up while maintaining a balance by having fun too. PC went down to Cancún and got pretty gay with his Mexican roommate. Jah wants to know if he can watch the show on Hulu.
4:40 – Seth watched a documentary on CNBC called Porn: The Business of Pleasure. He said it was so-so because no one in the building knows anything about it. They had a clip from Vegas that showed Sacha Grey taking a picture with a guy, and another short goateed man walked up to her timidly, grabbed her hand and gently kissed it.
11:09 – Seth saw T-Pain at the BET Awards wearing a $410,000 chain that says BIG ASS CHAIN. Seth also saw Chris Brown this week with a $300,000 chain that says OOPS.
23:13 – Seth thanks John Larroquette for his performance this week on The Craig Ferguson Show for wearing a black UYD t-shirt during his interview. Seth thinks it’s a good thing the shirt wasn’t discussed that much, because it would’ve been hard for Mr. Ferguson to comprehend what comedy and laughter are.
48:39 – Premiering this Tuesday, July 21 at 10 p.m. on The Discovery Channel: The Colony. “What would you do in the wake of a global catastrophe? How would you find the very basics of survival – food, water, shelter? The Colony is a controlled experiment that attempts to determine exactly what it would take to survive and rebuild a functioning new society.”
1:00:43 – One listener is hating on Seth because he was trying to watch NYC Prep, and then he had a dream that PC took his ex-girlfriend out on a date and it fucked his whole shit up.
19:43 – Discovery Channel’s Shark Week is coming back Aug. 2-7 (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33, Episode 125, 8:47).
28:30 – Dating in the Dark on ABC – they take three guys and three girls and let them get to know each other in a pitch black room. They then separate them and get their impressions. They each get thrown a piece of clothing of the person, and then each person picks another they want to have a private date with. It then goes to one guy and one girl in the room. Then they have a 50-page questionairre and are paired up with whoever is the most compatible. Then a professional sketch artist gives a rendering for what they think the person looks like. Then a light comes up and you see what they look like and their reactions are priceless. Then they put you on the veranda and you make the decision as to whether you want to see this person or you just pack it up and leave. One girl left and the guy was devastated, and the other two decided to meet.
11:41 – Seth watched another episode of Dating In The Dark and talks about the male Masshole on the show. The lights came up on an attractive African American girl, and he didn’t do a very good job of recovering his obvious anger and dismay. When they talked to him afterwards he claimed that religion, not race, was the deal-breaker. Jah wants to watch it but he just doesn’t have television.
41:27 – Seth watched Good Morning America and they had a security expert go into an upscale hotel in the Buckhead section of Atlanta, Ga., and show how one can blend in. He roams the halls and a maid is coming of the room, so he hands her a $20 bill to ask her to jump across and do his room really quickly. He runs in and says he forgot something and acts like it’s his room, and just takes everything out of the room. Another time he takes the extra room key and calls down to the lobby and asks them to pull around his car to valet. He jumps in the Jaguar and drives away. He’s in the stairwell, takes out a duffel bag, takes his clothes off, puts on a robe, pours water over his head and runs out saying he locked himself out of his room. The maid opens the room for him and he steals everything.
50:21 – Malibu Shark Attack on Sci-Fi Channel shows a tsunami bringing in what we thought were extinct goblin sharks and they wreck Jah’s childhood home.
47:16 – Seth was watching Larry King and Larry asks Griffin O’Neal the last time he saw his father. Griffin answered, “The night he tried to shoot me in the face.”
19:31 – Seth wonders why every single guest on The Jimmy Fallon Show makes a point of giving props to his house band, The Roots.
21:08 – Seth plugs Mad Men, this Sunday on AMC.
47:19 – Seth was watching Dating In The Dark, and some of the dudes get left out on the balcony watching the girl walk out the front door with her suitcase, and Seth is waiting for the episode when a dude goes off on the girl and yells at her from the balcony.
56:31 – Seth was watching Criss Angel: Mindfreak. Angel took a ring from a woman, took out his crazy jeans with patches and rips, pushes the ring onto the jeans and it disappears. He takes a knife out and cuts the patch on the jeans to prove he’s not hiding it under the patch. He takes a box cutter, cuts his thigh open, digs his fingers into his leg and pulls out the ring from under his skin. He also really likes to eat the camera.
1:06:22 – Seth plugs America’s Best Dance Crew Season 4. His favorite so far is Vogue Evolution.
1:07:54 – Seth watched Chain Gang Girls 2 on Women’s Television. It wasn’t as sexy as he had remembered it.
4:32 – Seth’s favorite actor Jay Mohr makes $150,000 per each episode of Gary Unmarried. They shot 20 episodes that aired last year and he made $3 million. They’re picked up for another season that begins Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 8:30 p.m. That’s the 35th Annual People’s Choice Awards Favorite New TV Comedy. Seth wonders how this is possible because Seth is the only person who watches this.
11:05 – There’s a new TV series on A&E called Hoarders that follows packrats around their homes
30:51 – Seth was watching Dating In The Dark, which he thinks features nice, wholesome people. One of the guys says he’s a romantic. The girls get time to go through the dudes’ cars, and the guy who’s a romantic has a box of condoms sitting in the center console of his car. One of the guys denies that the sketch artist’s rendering of him looks like him, when it actually looks exactly like him.
46:09 – Jay Leno will premiere his new show on Monday, Sept. 14 at 10 p.m. His first guest will be Jerry Seinfeld.
29:35 – On House, what happens when the doctor becomes the patient? … Monday nights, TruTV, Seth’s new show, Bait Car. They take a bait car and create a scene with another vehicle and the people get out and let other people steal it. It’s rigged out with 12 cameras and we get to watch them lie to the police 4 minutes later when they shut the engine down.
9:15 – For years, these detectives have kept Tuesdays safe. Now they’re moving to protect a new night, Wednesday. Law & Order: SVU – protecting Wednesdays this fall on NBC.
13:18 – Seth wants to talk more about his new jam, Bait Car. He loves it because of the lies and deceit that the perps try to spin off after they get caught. Since he won’t ever see TCAP again, this is the next best thing.
38:23 – NatGeo’s E-Mail Order Brides shows a place they call Russia’s Detroit. One of the mail-order brides walks into Gary’s one-bedroom apartment and says “I want to stay this place. I want to stay live with Gary.” Gary, from the couch, says “I guess I’m living the dream.”
48:40 – Inside the Actor’s Studio this week will feature a gentleman named Jason Bateman.
1:00:10 – Seth watched a clip on The Daily 10 of Russell Crowe riding his bicycle smoking cigarettes and eating tacos and some Australian journalist was making fun of him and taking pictures. Crowe challenged her to a race, beat her and the lady almost had a heart attack and died. The story kept referring to them smoking “fags,” and they offer a disclaimer saying Crowe wasn’t being non-PC by using “the F word.”
8:08 – Dr. Oz premiered his new show, The Dr. Oz Show, and he got all up inside the vagina and taught everyone a lot about that area of the female body.
12:32 – Seth watched The Secret Lives of Women on the We Network, and the theme was “Women of Erotica.” The porn director talks about how the actors aren’t used to the intricacies of being directed.
28:55 – NatGeo features The World’s Smallest Girl, Jyoti Amge, from Nagpur, India. She’s 15 years old, weighs 12 pounds and is 23 inches tall. She likes to kick it in her apartment and watch TV.
38:36 – Seth is perplexed that The Amazing Race won the Emmy for Best Reality Show every year they’ve had the category since 2003. He thinks somebody else needs to beat them because he doesn’t like them winning so much. It’s not fair. Seth and Jah will riot if Dating In The Dark or NYC Prep don’t beat them.
3:54 – James Franco is going to join the cast of General Hospital.
1:03:37 – Seth thanks God that The Hills is back Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. on MTV. He’s ready for the new episode with Kristen Cavallari called “It’s On Bitch.”
1:51 – Jonathan wants to know if the Caveman sitcom (Episode 054, 39:21; Episode 065, 13:26) was the first spin-off of a commercial
19:02 – Seth was watching Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? this week (Episode 053, 42:30). The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders were on it, featuring Abigail Kline. The question was, “How many countries are permanent members of the United Nations Security Council?” Seth was so angry at that question, which was supposed to be 5th grade civics. … The show Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 4 is now on CMT. CYLL.
25:26 – TLC premiered My Monkey Baby this week, featuring couples who raise their monkeys as babies (Episode 112, 43:30). One redneck: “If I hear somebody call her a monkey I’ll throw a fit! She is my kid!” Another bitch tries to bring the monkey into a restaurant and the restaurant won’t let her. She thinks when she gets older the monkey will just take care of her. Another couple has their monkey talk to a monkey psychic on the phone. Another couple gets a tiny little baby monkey that’s so wicked creepy it freaked out the officer that pulled them over.
29:05 – On Tuesday at 10 p.m. Seth watched Parking Wars, and they went to Detroit instead of Philly in the first episode. You don’t want to give someone in Detroit a $30 parking ticket.
32:21 – Seth was watching a show about people staging accidents. One dude was parked in a moving van just south of where you would turn into the parking lot. He sees a woman driving by herself, taps his brake lights to let his accomplice know behind him that he’s going to signal for her to pull in, and when she makes the left to turn in, he pulls up to block her and the other car gently t-bones her, and the other guy that signaled her to go just drives away. So they either have an insurance scam out of it or they take her pocketbook when she’s going through her wallet.
21:48 – Since Halloween is just around the corner, Seth reads off all the ghoulish TV shows out there: Destination Truth, MonsterQuest, Most Haunted, Paranormal State, Extreme Paranormal, UFO Hunters, Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, Ghost Lab, Celebrity Ghost Stories.
43:52 – Seth was watching CBS News Sunday Morning at 6 a.m. They had a thing where a sociologist had a piece of fancy chocolate and a Hershey Kiss. He said the fancy chocolate was 15 cents and the Hershey Kiss was a penny. He then took a penny off the price of each, making the fancy chocolate 14 cents and the Hershey Kiss free, and everyone took the Hershey Kiss. Jah explains that this is because people love free shit – even though most free shit sucks, except for free beer and freeform jazz comedy.
0:44 – Jah and Seth just watched Surprise Inspection on TruTV. Officer Shirley regulated 6 different places in Rhode Island. Jah says the one thing about not having a TV or watching is that he goes to Seth’s place and watches a couple COPS episodes back to back, it’s like eating ecstacy. One of the ladies who got pulled over in COPS acted like everything was cool but had a full propane burner in her front seat. She also denied that she was the person in the license the cop was holding up to her face.
12:56 – Seth watched another show on TruTV called All Worked Up, about people whose jobs prompt others they interact with to get worked up. One was a repo man/tow truck driver from Lizard Lick, North Kakkalaki (Carolina). The guy says, “Two bulls, one pan, one of dem bulls gon’ get a headache. … E’ryday. twice on Sunday. … This redneck ain’t feelin’ your cock-a-doodle-doo. … Somebody done lost and it wasn’t us.”
15:26 – On TLC, Seth watched Mall Cops, a show about mall cops who patrol The Mall of America in Minnesota. It’s 100 mall cops “protecting” the mall 12 hours a day. This episode featured a heart attack in the food court, shoplifting teens, kids getting lost from parents, and one mall cop who looks exactly like Paul Blart. Seth wonders how opening weekend of that movie was when this guy was constantly getting shit from unruly teens.
35:20 – FOX is developing a half-hour sitcom on the canine guru Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer. It will star Wilmer Valderrama. Jah whispers to potential listeners who might have something to do with this show that this might not be a good idea.
47:26 – Seth was watching The Jeff Dunham Show. Jeff’s a ventriloquist, and they do sketches within the show.
17:44 – Seth was watching Good Morning America, and he sees his friend from the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (Episode 172, 36:52), Susan Linn, on. Seth thought she would be talking about the 2 Girls 1 Cup skateboard; however, she was claiming that the wildly popular Baby Einstein DVDs are not educational. Anyone who has purchased the DVD can now get a refund from the company because they’ve spent the past four years fighting it.
33:38 – Seth holds up two pictures for Jah and asks him which one scares him more. One is for The George Lopez Show and the other is for The Wanda Sykes Show. Jah says if he had to watch 5 episodes in a row of one of them, he would take Sykes. Jah also says he would rather blow Wanda Sykes than eat George Lopez’ pussy.
8:21 – Seth gives a rundown of professional poker player Phil Ivey’s appearance on the sports doc show E:60. Ivey was part of a group of pro players called “The Corporation,” who pooled together all their money and took turns going head-to-head against Texas billionaire Andy Beale, a poker fanatic and mathematical genius. Ivey won the group $16 million over 3 days playing Beale. During the show, Ivey is flying his Gulfstream to Salzburg, Austria to play in a poker tournament. They stopped in Connecticut so he could go to Foxwoods and play craps, played 20 minutes and walked out with $185,000. He then stops in Montreal and plays craps for 30 minutes and wins $750,000. At one point he was up $1 million and asked the reporter to roll with Ivey’s money, and the reporter lost $240,000. Ivey says “I knew you were unlucky,” and they get back on the plane. Ivey says he would know to stop if he was feeling the burn, but he never felt it.
32:59 – Seth is trying to live his life and get his B Vitamins every day, but he’s watching Nightline, and they do a report on “The Blueberry Children.” There are blueberry fields all over the country (specifically Michigan and North Carolina) who are employing migrant children so their small hands don’t squish the berries when they pick them. At this point Seth had to pour out his blueberry drink.
53:35 – Seth was watching a story on 60 Minutes about movie piracy. It featured a special unit breaking down doors in downtown L.A. Seth is curious what it’s all about, but all the movies are are dudes in the back of movie theaters taping the movie, while people are coughing and heads are moving in frame.
24:44 – Seth talks about Bait Car, and how every single person who gets pulled over claims that the driver told them to move the car (Episode 181, 29:35).
43:54 – MTV’s new series premieres on Thursday, Dec. 3: Jersey Shore (Episode 166, 53:24).
46:02 – TruTV’s new show, Full Throttle Saloon, follows the biggest biker bar in Sturgis, S.D. as they’re gearing up for the huge bike rally. The camera shows bartenders stealing money from the till, etc.
55:06 – The History Channel is showing World War II in full color HD all this week.
15:35 – Seth was watching Good Morning America and they’ve placed an attractive young blonde next to the weatherman, Sam Champion (mad gay, but not out), holding a sign that says SAM, MARRY ME!
26:44 – Inside the Actors Studio with James Lipton: “In 1996, he was named one of People magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. I present to you Jon Bon Jovi!”
32:18 – Seth gives a quick reminder that Jersey Shore premieres this Thursday night at 10 p.m. … An ad for Fringe (Thursdays at 9 p.m. on FOX) said “Viewer Discretion Advised.”
47:22 – Cheech and Chong were on Jimmy Fallon, and when they were announced and the curtain opened for them to come on stage, plumes of smoke came up around them to insinuate that they were hotboxing it backstage. Seth thinks marijuana might have been the reason that they were so stupid and slow and unfunny during their interview.
1:42 – Seth makes a correction about something he said on last week’s episode. He was so excited about MTV’s Jersey Shore that he said it was airing last Thursday. It’s actually airing this Thursday, Dec. 3.
2:39 – Unico, an Italian American service organization created many years ago to promote and enhance the image of Italian Americans, have asked MTV to pull Jersey Shore off the air before it’s even aired because it perpetuates the stereotype of young Italian men as Guidos. To this, Seth says KMIA (3:39; [[Episode 049, 7:22)
16:02 – James Franco is doing a run on General Hospital, playing a reclusive artist named “Franco.” Seth then sees a commercial for James’ little brother, Dave, playing a new character on Scrubs.
41:24 – Find My Family on ABC shows you a couple that met in high school and had a baby at age 16. They gave it up for adoption, but they’re still together in their 50s. They brought it to a Catholic charity, the child was put into a wonderful foster family and they went on to live their own lives and raise two girls and a boy of their own. They contact ABC, and through research and detective work they find their biological daughter, who has been living 8 miles away the entire time. Under the family tree, she sits and waits for them. Shit gets emotional. Jah guarantees he would bawl his eyes out no matter how crappy it was.
1:14 – Seth had his life changed after watching Jersey Shore.
2:37 – Seth was watching the third season premiere of Spike TV’s Manswers, and they posed a question to its viewers: “How many non-alcoholic beers would you need to drink to blow a .08?” Jah guesses 64, but the answer is 40.
10:40 – Seth was watching a new show on Discovery Health called I Am Pregnant…, which has had two episodes. The first one was “I Am Pregnant and Addicted,” featuring Collette on methodone. This week’s was “I Am Pregnant and Homeless,” featuring Misty living in a tent in the North Carolina mountains with her son Zion.
13:30 – Proctor & Gamble, which ended the run of their soap opera Guiding Light in September after 72 years, decided to also stop production on the 53-year run of their other show, As The World Turns, in December 2010. Helen Wagner, 91, who has played matriarch Nancy Hughes on the show on and off since its inception, spoke the show’s very first words on TV, “Good morning, dear.”
24:52 – Jah’s father acted with Ice-T this week on Law & Order: SVU
30:36 – Seth watched Campus PD on G4, which they told him was going to be about college campuses’ police departments. There was one little scene at the University of Cincinnati which was kind of crazy, but then it was all bogus faux-COPS episodes near campus. Seth got duped.
46:02 – Seth got a shakeup going on at Good Morning America right now. Diane Sawyer is leaving to replace Charles Gibson on World News Tonight. They’re bringing George Stephanopoulos in to take her place, so Chris Cuomo is bouncing to do 20/20 with Elizabeth Vargas. Seth thinks that Cuomo couldn’t handle the sexual tension of being around Sam Champion (Episode 193, 15:35), and wonders when Champion is going to come out of the closet or if he’s going to keep cloaking it through 2010.
52:19 – Seth was watching 20/20 this Friday, featuring women who wanted to save money on plastic surgery so they’re ordering botox online and injecting into their own mouth and lips. Some of their faces got permanently distorted.
54:08 – Teen Mom was on this week. It featured kids puking and never chilling/partying the right way.
21:46 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the new show Men Of A Certain Age starring Ray Romano, Andre Braugher and Scott Bakula
37:15 – There’s a show on NBC called The Sing Off, an a capella show featuring groups from all over the country. Jah can’t believe that Face didn’t make it through the first round. Seth got physically cold while watching the show. It took him back to when Rosie used to be on TV, when your penis inverts into your body, your temperature drops and your heart races.
12:46 – Mr. Belvedere’s second season featured an episode on Jan. 31, 1986 entitled “Wesley’s Friend.” The synopsis: When one of Wesley’s friends, Danny, is revealed to have AIDS, he is taken out of school due to ignorance or uncertainty that many of the other children’s parents share. This leads Wesley to shun his friend in fear of getting the disease himself. Meanwhile, Kevin takes a home economics class because he thinks it will be an easy A. Seth ventures this is the first sitcom to deal with the AIDS epidemic. Jah assumes there was a heavy-handed monologue from Mr. Belvedere himself about the new AIDS epidemic.
14:21 – On Jersey Shore they didn’t show Snooki get punched, but at the end of the episode they gave a little promo about abuse.
22:01 – Seth was watching GMA and they were talking about games/toys that parents buy for kids that are absolutely impossible to assemble. One of them was the Marble Madness game, with a 41-page instruction booklet. They brought in a brain surgeon and a rocket scientist and after 45 minutes, neither of them were remotely close to assembling the products.
43:05 – Seth was watching Rachel Ray, and she had on a guest talking about the different lotions and moisturizers a woman needs to keep her skin supple and soft. She kept opening them up and orgasming over how good they smelled and saying she wanted to eat them. The lotion expert had to tell her to relax and not eat the products.
51:54: Inside the Actor’s Studio featured Kate Hudson, star of You, Me & Dupree and Fool’s Gold. Second-year actor Cedric Castillo asks, “We use the Stanislavski method. What is your process.” Hudson’s response: “Oh, I love it. I never get to answer these questions!”
7:58 – Seth watched Disorder In The Court, Part XI, which features people freaking out as they are declared guilty by juries and trying to attack the judges, etc.
8:42 – Seth informs us that Jerry Springer is still on TV. He watched an episode of it on KTLA at 11 a.m. At the end of it Jerry gives the crowd members the microphone, and they just throw out burns at the people on the panel.
13:38 – ABC, which canceled Adam Lambert’s performance on Good Morning America after he shared a same-sex kiss at the American Music Awards last month, made television history by airing the first-ever gay sex scene on the daytime soap opera One Life to Live. It features Oliver and Kyle sharing a tender moment post-coitus, spooning in a bed. It was tender, righteous and real. One of the actors, Scott Evans – younger brother of Chris Evans – is openly gay. The characters lit votives, and one asked the other, “Will it always be like this?” The other replied, “Always.”
15:15 – Good Morning America has replaced Sam Champion over the holidays with his younger, hunkier, gayer counterpart, Jeff Smith (Episode 193, 15:35).
43:01 – New show on TLC called The Imploders features the Kelly family, experts in building demolition, as they prep and execute incredibly intense, difficult, controlled destruction of American buildings.
44:49 – Monday night on ABC, a 1-hour special presentation, Conveyer Belt of Love: 5 women, 30 men, 1 conveyer belt. The men pass by on a slow speed doing their best to woo the women in less than a minute. One of them can choose you and pull you off the conveyer belt, but they can discard you and go on to a better choice if they see one. If more than 1 woman picks the same man, the man gets to pick the woman he wants. Seth wants to know what Jah’s game would be, but Jah doesn’t want to talk about it.
47:05 – Wednesday on CBS, the return of one of Seth’s favorite 2009 specials, I Get That A Lot, where they put real celebs in normal everyday jobs pretending to not be those celebs.
14:47 - Conveyer Belt of Love on ABC is the best show ever. A guy comes down the conveyer belt, while 5 girls sit there. 1 sign says “Interested” and the other says “Not Interested.” They stop the conveyer belt and the guy stands in front of the 5 women and says, “Hey, you guys know how much a polar bear weighs?” The girls collectively answer, “No.” Dude responds, “I don’t know either, but he just broke the ice.” All 5 girls hold up a “Not Interested” sign, the belt starts moving again, and the guy goes “See you later” as he gets belted away.
20:54 – American Idol kicks off this Tuesday night at 8 p.m. Seth loves peeping these girls who are convinced they can sing but really can’t.
22:22 – Jah wonders if Seth watched the American Music Awards and if he saw the complaints people wrote into the FCC about Adam Lambert kissing a male bandmate during the performance.
21:36 – Paranormal Cops season premiere, this Tuesday on A&E.
26:39 – John McCain and Sarah Palin’s campaign manager was on 60 Minutes, describing how much of a moron she was from Day 1. They had to give her a crash course in U.S. history. They brought her to McCain’s house in Arizona to prep her for the Vice Presidential Debate, and it was going horribly. All she can keep saying is, “Senator O’Biden,” and they tell her to stop saying it. They devise a plan that when the debate begins and she walks up to meet him, she says, “Can I call you Joe?” and then she’ll only have to say Joe. Still, in the middle of the debate, she says “Senator O’Biden.”
35:59 – Dr. Hansen reappears with his “Vegas Undercover” segment on Dateline NBC (Episode 171, 2:29). There’s a unit in the Metro Police Deparment called the Convicted Habitual Career Criminals Unit, dealing with Vegas’ repeat offenders. 20% of the dudes in Vegas commit more than 80% of the crimes. They just pick a dude and follow him. They have surveillance of one guy putting an amp down his pants at Fry’s and stealing from a convenience store, then he stops in the parking lot of a 24 Hour Fitness and comes out 5 minutes later. He was stealing from lockers. He goes to an NA meeting with his girlfriend to get his court card signed. He then pulls into a 7-11 and walks in after his girlfriend, casually walking through the manager’s back door, gets two enormous plastic boxes filled with cartons of cigarettes and walks out the back door. His girlfriend picks him up, then they drive to a parking lot where they meet a fence to sell the cigarettes to. The LVPD arrest all three of them.
6:24 – The last time the Golden Globes had a host lead the evening was in 1995, led by Janine Turner and John Larroquette.
16:52 – There was a documentary that was supposed to be on PBS Frontline this week, but they had to postpone it out of concern for some of the boys who appear in the film, called The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan. It features the “Bacchá Bareesh” – or “Beardless Boys” and the “Bacchá Bazi” – or “Boy for Play.” They’re kids who start around the age of 10 singing or performing suggestive dances while wearing flowing colorful dresses. Four men use them as sex slaves and trade them among other men for sex. It’s an ancient tradition. Occastionally, boys who interfere with a married man’s wife will marry their lover’s daughter. At 19, the boys are released back into society to reclaim their male status.
8:10 – Seth was watching an episode of COPS and they were talking to a guy who was suspected of a DUI. They said, “Sir, have you been drinking?” He answered, “I’ve had about 12 beers.” That probably explained why he clipped off a side mirror off a guy in a 7-11 parking lot, then hit three parked cars and a truck with plywood on it.
15:35 – 20/20 did an exposé on the alarmlingly high number of teens who have been sexually harassed on a daily basis in the United States in the workforce, usually by slightly older, early-20s male managers. For many of these younger girls, they’re vulnerable and most of their managers are males in their 20s, and they’re feeling a little cocky.
20:14 – Seth discusses the shake-up over at GMA (Episode 199, 15:15), and he watches it every day because Marcia used to watch it. Seth thinks The Today Show on NBC is wack, and thinks The Early Show on CBS is wacker.
14:27 – 60 Minutes featured a segment about rebuilding the World Trade Center, and how 9 years later it’s still a gigantic hole in the ground.
22:55 – Seth watched some TV while Jah was gone. There’s a TV station he discovered called Centric, part of the BET Network, which has a show called Model City. It follows the personal and professional lives of 5 black supermodels in New York City. … Seth also watched Behind Bars on Discovery Channel. He was in a prison in Ohio and there were a male and female inmate dating. They had a “sink phone,” where they took a full roll of toilet paper, put it over the drane in their sink, then put an empty roll of toilet paper and put it inside the other hole, then screamed in it and it goes through the pipes so the other can hear it. The only problem with it is that when an inmate flushes anywhere in the building, you taste fecal matter.
49:24 – There was a movie called Starstruck on the Disney Channel starring Sterling Knight and Christopher Wilde and Danielle Campbell. She plays a girl from Kalamazoo, Mich., whose older sister is obsessed with Wilde. They’re going to visit their grandmother in L.A., and the older sister’s plan is to fall in love with him, yet the younger one actually does. They pull up in front of their grandmother’s house and she’s on a ladder working on the front of the house. She’s in her 70s, and there’s a big black dude in his 70s standing next to the ladder. They come running up, and tell her to be careful getting off the ladder. She goes, “Honey, Howard had my back. We take care of each other.” Then there’s a pause where they realize she’s dating a mid-70s black man, and he just stands there like a rock. The Disney Channel had to be the channel to tell us this.
52:22 – Jah saw a movie on HBO Family when he was in a hotel room called Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. He says the movie is so good it’s stupefying. He says they laid it down so hard and he loved it more than he did the last time he saw it.
59:36 – Seth was watching his show Jail on Sunday night, then was watching his show Bait Car on Wednesday night. There was a woman with tattoos of the names of all of her ex-girlfriends all over her face. He watched her get arrested Sunday night in Clark County in Vegas on Jail, then watched her on Monday night stealing a bait car in Long Beach, Calif., on Bait Car.
5:19 – There’s going to be a Russian version of Jersey Shore called Brighton Beach, which will take place in Coney Island in Brooklyn in what they call “Little Odessa.”
22:42 – Seth was watching CBS News Sunday Morning, and they were at the 19th annual Reel Awards in Las Vegas, celebrating over 1,000 celebrity impersonators/look-alikes/tribute artists. The Tim McGraw look-alike was there, along with Joe Mannuela – who’s been doing DeNiro for 30 years. K9, the dog impersonator, was there.
23:26 – Seth was watching NFL Full Contact on TruTV, which was a good show that started a day after the Super Bowl. The first episode featured the Steelers receiving their Super Bowl rings last season and doing a concert in Pittsburgh during which they hired thousands of paid extras so it looked like a huge party. The guy running the event things he sees a real Tim McGraw even though it’s a look-alike, and the guy from the NFL is freaking out. When everyone leaves he’s under a bridge singing a Tim McGraw song in front of 10 people, one of which is closing his eyes and getting into it.
19:54 – Seth was watching Jimmy Fallon’s late-night talk show, during which they were playing charades. Fallon was partnered with Toni Collette and was giving the clues. The clue is “TV Show,” and is giving all kinds of clues so she will know it’s Jersey Shore, but she says she’s never even heard of the show.
28:21 – A Minute To Win It, Sunday nights
38:41 – Seth references NFL Full Contact (Episode 209), and another episode during which they were following the guy who is head of NFL VIP Services. He’s trying to accommodate Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Kevin James and David Spade. They show the field and cut to an old man on the back of a golf cart. It’s Andy Rooney, and is exasperated because he lost his credentials.
47:31 – A&E has shows called Hoarders and Intervention; meanwhile, TLC has shows called Hoarding: Buried Alive and Addicted, that just started this week.
8:30 – CBS shot a pilot called Defenders starring Jerry O’Connell and Jim Belushi and they play flashy and firy Las Vegas defense attorneys.
11:13 – This Friday, the sixth season premier of Wife Swap is on ABC at 8 p.m. featuring a woman who has 14 dolls. … Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution is on at 9 p.m., where he rolls into Huntington, W.V. and tries to change food menus.
21:45 – Seth saw a show on NatGeo called American Beaver but it wasn’t what he thought it was.
23:22 – Seth watched the season finale of Cribs, featuring Criss Angel in the Luxor. He pulls out a Murphy bed and says sometimes he slips in there and sometimes he doesn’t.
36:49 – Seth was watching the new show Fly Girls on the CW. The phrase they have for people they’re flirting with is “IFB,” or “In-Flight Boyfriend.”
40:25 – Catholic Television released their monthly magazine with 3D glasses so you can tour cathedrals and pray the rosary in 3D on their website
56:40 – The sixth and final season of The Hills will debut later this month on April 27, with only 12 episodes.
55:34 – Seth was watching Letterman and saw a performance from the new Broadway musical, The Addams Family, featuring Nathan Lane. Tickets start at $136.50.
6:27 – Good Morning America (UYD’s sister show) reports that sites all over the internet sell software that allow you to track someone’s cell phone. They’re very easy to install – you download the software when no one’s looking, install it, remotely listen in on phone calls, read texts, activate the speaker and listen to phone conversations when the phone is off.
2:13 – Fox has renewed a TV show called COPS for a 23rd season. Its creator John Langley said “It’s an existential variety show – dramatic, life-threatening, philosophical and legal. We’re still the only show on television with no script, no actors, no host and no reenactments.” Jonathan said this is a lot like UYD.
7:25 – Seth references the PBS documentary The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan (Episode 202, 16:52), which was originally pulled but later aired. Seth watched it and had a full panic attack, watching businessmen purchasing boys to train them to wear makeup and dance erotically.
26:50 – Seth watched Private Chefs of Beverly Hills which featured a bunch of rich web entrepreneurs who wanted to go on a camping trip but not have it be too rustic, so they had private chefs come and cook for them. It was glamorous camping, or as they called it, “glamping.”
13:54 – 60 Minutes did a piece called “San Francisco’s Next Earthquake.” The San Andreas Fault caused the giant earthquake in 1906, while the Hayward Fault is known to erupt every 130-140 years. It hasn’t erupted in 141 years. While this is happening, there is a frenzied, mad rush to rebuild the New Bay Bridge that connects San Francisco to Oakland.
16:20 – Seth was watching Dateline NBC with Dr. Chris Hansen. He did an exposÈ called “What Were You Thinking?,” featuring a person on hidden camera who reacts to the popular crowd sentiments among them. One scenario features a group of job applicants filling out paperwork for a prospective job. They’re all Dateline employees with the exception of one test subject. They take a smoke machine from outside the room and pump in smoke to fill up the room. All the people on camera just looked around kind of panicky while the Dateline people did nothing, and eventually didn’t get up and do anything. Only one subject, black girl Ramona, said “Oh hell no!” and took off out of there.
19:18 – There was a report on NOVA called “Money and the Mind” about behavioral economics. They offered people this scenario: One year from today I give you $100, or one calendar year and a day I give you $102. Everybody chose the $102. The other question was, I’ll give you $100 today or $102 tomorrow. Every person chose the $100 today.
33:01 – Seth watched Into The Universe With Steven Hawking on The Discovery Channel. His take on things was that we might not want to find these alien guys because if they came down here they would wreck us.
37:56 – Seth watched a 20/20 report on USA Swimming. Apparently there’s an epidemic of coaches boning down on their swimmers, hiding cameras in the locker rooms, etc. Several coaches took on multiple lovers. One dude went up and down the coast looking at different high schools to impregnate swimmers.
51:55 – Seth watched Hallmark’s When Love Is Not Enough about Bill Wilson’s wife Lois Wilson, who founded Alcoholics Anonymous. Lois is played by Winona Ryder and Barry Pepper plays Bill W. They wear a lot of old-timey garb and there’s a lot of emotional scenes. The commercials are 9-minute long Hallmark commercials. One featured a dude in his 60s walking into a child’s classroom, and it turns out he’s illiterate and needs to be taught how to read. They show 4 different stages of learning and by the end of it he goes into his closet, takes out a shoebox (“and shoots himself,” says Jah), which is a lifetime’s worth of Father’s Day cards from his daughter. He reads them all out loud.
15:10 – Iranian presiden Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stopped by Good Morning America this week to talk with George Stephanopoulos: “I heard that Osama bin Laden was in Washington, D.C. Rest assured he’s in Washington. There’s a high chance he is there.”
26:21 – Seth watched Live with Regis & Kelly today. It was their “Halfway to Halloween” show and so they were all dressed up in costumes.
9:35 – There was a porn parody of the Jersey Shore that came out in February called Jersey Shore: XXX, starring John Espizedo as “The Predicament.” Shooting has begun on a gay parody version called The Jersey Score starring Kevin Cavalie as “Pauly G.” John Espizedo and Kevin Cavalie are the same person.
15:50 – Seth was watching The Tonight Show this week and saw a band featuring a man wearing a New York Yankees hat and think Run-DMC gold chain and a man dressed up like a KISS vampirey guy playing guitar. It was Limp Bizkit. The song was “Take A Look Around,” the theme song of Mission: Impossible 2, which came out in May 2000.
36:04 – What Would You Do? with John Quinones. They leave a bike locked up at a park and show a white kid stealing it – even at one point with a saw and welding goggles – and they don’t do anything. When the black kid walks near the bike, people start overreacting and yelling at him, pulling out cell phones and calling anybody they can. Then they took a really hot girl and had her steal the bike, and tell guys who walked by that she’s stealing it and needs help. One married guy offers his help while the wife sits there. A Yale psychologist said “Men behave irrationally around attractive women.” One guy just lifted the bike off the sign it was on instead of messing with the lock.
8:18 – Seth watched a woman on Good Morning America telling a story about being home alone with her 6-year-old son in New Jersey. There was a knock on the door and it was a census worker. From the get-go she got a creepy feeling from the long-haired beady-eyed dude looking beyond her into the home. As he was asking her questions, the son ran up and he was looking at the kid a little too young. He leaves and she goes straight to her computer to check the New Jersey State Police Sex Offender Registry, which she does every two months. He’s been living a quarter mile away for several months. He served four years in prison for some lewd acts. She called the police and they ended up arresting him. He used an alias to get the census job. Before they checked his fingerprints to find out who he was, he was out on the street going door-to-door. There are 635,000 temporary census workers right now walking the street. With her on the show was John Walsh of America’s Most Wanted. He let Seth know that in 23 years of the show, they had a record 7 captures this week.
14:39 – Seth thinks what he’s watching on The Hills right now with Spencer is television truly becoming reality. It’s the emotional and psychological breakdown of a human being before our very eyes – compelling, gripping televsion.
15:06 – “What Would You Do?” with John Quiñones. Seth saw a store clerk steal a winning lottery ticket, he saw a racist salesperson at a boutique, a pilot getting drunk at a bar, a woman breastfeeding in public while drinking a beer, guys trying to take drunk girls out of a bar, gay parents getting discriminated against at a restaurant. They threw a stat out that said more than half the states in the U.S. can legally refuse to serve gays and lesbians in restaurants.
17:04 – Seth watched Miss USA, won by Miss Michigan – a Muslim American. They asked Miss Virginia, “I hear you make an amazing grilled cheese sandwich. Can you give us the recipe?” She answers, “I have this recipe, I buy the frozen Texas toast and I put extra cheese inside so it’s extra good.” They asked a 6-foot-4 Miss Maine, “You’re so tall and gorgeous. How tall are you, by the way.” Her answer, “I’m great, thank you.”
53:21 – Seth would like it to be known that the shitty show America’s Got Talent starts on Tuesday, June 1. All 3 of the judges on the show were born outside of the United States, and there’s something about that that doesn’t sit right with Seth.
13:32 – Seth was watching The O’Reilly Factor. On Monday’s show he put a question on the screen to direct people to the website to answer it. The question was “How do you rate YouTube’s impact on American life or culture?” The answer choices were Positive, Negative or What’s YouTube? The results were Positive – 29%, Negative – 41% and What’s YouTube? – 30% (Episode 034, 6:39).
22:33 – The 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee is this Friday on ABC. Indian tweens dominate this competition.
29:55 – Inside the Actor’s Studio welcomes Sean “P-Diddy” Combs onto the show.
50:04 – TLC has a show called Cake Boss about a Hoboken, N.J. pastry chef. Bravo has The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Style network has Split Ends, about New Jersey hair salons. Of course there’s Jersey Shore on MTV. Style network also has Jerseylicious about a salon and Oxygen channel will now debut Jersey Couture about a dress shop.
28:28 – Monday night on VH1, Behind The Music: DMX. Seth is ready for it. J-dawg loved Hip Hop Wives on A&E. He said DMX’s wife has been through some shit. Right after the Behind the Music is VH1’s Hip Hop Honors, which will have performances including Paul Wall.
43:21 – Seth watched 60 Minutes featuring John Gotti’s son, a former mobster. He mentioned something that Seth put aside and wanted to look into more. He talked about his little brother being killed in the neighborhood when he was 11 or 12 and how much it devastated his father – he could hear him crying at night through the vent in his bedroom. Seth looked up the guy who killed him, John Favara, 51, the backyard neighbor of the Gottis in the Howard Beach section of Queens which is all Italians. Favara’s adopted son was friends with the Gotti kids. On March 18, 1980, he was driving home from work when Frank Gotti was on a motorized minibike and darted out into the street from behind a dumpster. The police come and find him not at fault, a complete accident. Two days after the accident he gets a death threat in the mail, which he doesn’t take completely seriously even though police from Howard Beach say they’re getting threats at the police station as well. He is friends with a capo in the Gotti family and asks him if he can say anything, and the capo can’t help him. A few weeks later, the car he hit Frank with got stolen from the house and was found less than a mile away the next day. The day of the funeral he got a funeral card from Frank’s service in the mailbox. The next day he gets a picture of Frank in the mailbox. Then someone spraypaints “MURDERER” on the car. John Gotti’s wife Victoria goes to his house and beats him mercilessly with an aluminum baseball bat, putting him in the hospital. He decides not to press charges. He finally puts the house up for sale. Three days before he was to close from the sale of the house, several men abduct him when he’s leaving work. They throw him in the back of the van and they haven’t seen him since. There’s a guy that runs a diner in the neighborhood and sees the whole thing go down. Police canvass the neighborhood. The next day 3 guys come into the diner and spend 15 minutes just staring at the dude. He sells the diner and moves. The Gottis were vacationing in Fort Lauderdale when this incident happened.
19:50 – The 9th Annual Country Music Television Awards featured Jada Pinkett Smith who introduced the next performer, “...one of my favorite people, Toby Keith.” Jah then reveals that he and Seth talk to each other about things outside of the realm of the podcast. They were talking earlier about how many people, including Smith, showed up that didn’t belong there. David Spade, Snooki and The Situation were others who turned out.
27:55 – Seth watched his Season 3 premiere of Bait Car back in New Orleans. There was a bait car set up that some kids were going through. You could see a woman on the front porch of a house yelling “Baaaaiit Caaarrrr!” but they didn’t pay attention.
29:29 – On the Today show this morning, a girl that knows the “text rage” couple was on discussing the text that led to him beating up another girl. Meredith Viera asks the 13-year-old if she saw the texts, and the girl said “I saw the one where she calls him a rapist and she calls him a cunt—I mean, he calls her a cunt.” Seth couldn’t believe he heard “cunt” dropped twice, again on Viera (Episode 104, 10:16).
31:56 – The NewNowNext Awards on Logo needs to be watched by every UYD listener.
3:36 – Good Morning America started their summer safety series. Part 1 warned us to be careful when you let workers into your home because they will a) cut you and b) rob you. Part 2 warned you not to run over your kid with a riding lawnmower.
34:40 – Seth was watching The Real L Word on Showtime, a reality show about some lesbians living in Los Angeles. He learned that LA has the best-looking lesbians because that’s what everyone on the show said. Whitney was at Crown Bar and saw a girl she hooked up with and has been avoiding her. She goes to talk to her but she’s real upset and storms out because Whitney’s with another girl at the bar. Later that night Whitney’s back at home and on the phone with this girl. She asked why she walked away from her like that. “Because this is so stupid.” Whitney then apologizes that they couldn’t talk. “I wish I didn’t like you. I wish I never hooked up with you.” Whitney then says she deserves to be treated amazing and she’s an amazing person. She says they’ll be good friends, then they hang up and she goes into the kitchen to pour another drink. Resolution.
13:10 – James Franco returned to General Hospital as the enigmatic artist known as “Franco.” His mother also appeared on the show playing his mother. A future episode to air July 22 was taped at LA’s Pacific Design Center – a couple buildings in West Hollywood that host high-end interior design showrooms. “The event,” as it was called, was conceived by Franco and the new director of the Museum of Contemporary Art in LA. They called the event “Soap at Mocha.” The performance art included the taping of the episode, the event of watching the taping of the episode, the episode as it appears on TV and a film that Franco is making now about the experience of making all of this, which will show later at the museum.
16:47 – Somberly, Seth says “Tuesday, July 13… After 102 episodes, we’re all going to gather together and we’re going to say goodbye. We’re going to say goodby to The Hills.” The series finale is called “Truth and Time Tell All.” It all started on May 31, 2006 and it’s ending now. Seth has had a relationship with these people and gotten to know them. In memorium, Seth reads some lyrics from the show’s theme song, “Unwritten,” by Natasha Bedingfield: “Drench yourself in words unspoken / Live your life with arms wide open / Today is where your book begins / The rest is still unwritten.”
18:57 – Honestly, Jah says that there’s no denying the impact The Hills has had on the TV universe. It almost changed an entire city because it became like another atmosphere that was pervasive throughout the city. Seth says the show taught him to dream. Jah then says he’s worried for all the cast members of the show.
50:28 – Three weeks from now, Sunday, Aug. 1, everyone get your Shark Week (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33; Episode 125, 8:47; Episode 176, 19:43).
4:21 – Seth was watching Real Sports on HBO and they had a report on female bodybuilders, which made Seth think of Jonathan (Episode 039, 25:47). Jonathan asks, “Big clits, right?” Seth explains they have huge clits because of all the steroids they’re getting from Mexico and HGH from Europe. They make no money doing this so they’re spending all their money out-of-pocket. Winners get $3,000 for winning a tournament. They all have breast implants to make up for the loss of soft tissue. They make money in the world of fetish, called “muscle worship.” There’s a website called SheMuscle, featuring women on military-style bench press with no shirts on, etc. One woman said some of them go to hotels and do one-on-ones with people, where they can make $3,000 in a night. There’s a “lift-and-carry” where you pick up the small man and carry him around, “grappling,” “scissor headlocks” with their crazy thighs, etc.
8:40 – Seth was watching TMZ and they were filming a movie on the streets of New York City with Helen Mirren. There were people on a residential sidewalk and there was a homeless man they have video of, preoccupied with a delicious frozen yogurt and a radio tied around his neck. Mirren finishes shooting, politely walks off and passes by the camera to go to her camera. She looks over to the homeless guy, who goes “Hey, you gotta try this yogurt!” He spoons it into her mouth and she eats it, then walks away.
38:54 – Drugs Inc. on NatGeo featured heroin, cocaine, meth and marijuana. They had “smurfs” – people who go in one-by-one to each buy one pack of ephedra apiece in a county in Missouri and then pool it together and sell it for 10 times the actual value. There was a guy getting $34 of heroin out of the ground and turning it into $130,000 by the time it reaches the United States.
56:10 – There was an episode of Jeopardy! Kid’s Edition that featured a final question in Double Jeopardy! with a photograph of two older gentlemen – a Chinese man shaking hands with Ronald Reagan. The “answer” was: “Say the name of this man who’s shaking hands with the premier of China.” The first girl chimed in with Nixon and at the last second one of the other two boys chimes in, “Who is JFK?”
1:02:54 – Seth watched a program on HBO called No One Dies in Lillydale – a town an hour south of Buffalo. Since 1879 it has been the home to the Modern Spiritualist Movement. Every summer in July and August people come from all over the world to get their readings done by more than 40 internationally renowned mediums who live there. There’s a guy holding a seminar and looking at two women in the front row, nodding his head knowingly. He said, “You just had a strap break on a shoe recently, didn’t you?” They go crazy, and he replies, “Yeah, he knows. He’s laughing at you too.” There was another guy who said, “This morning, was Richard knocking things around the house?” They go crazy. Seth wonders if they really know. For Jah the problem is this: “If you believe in the capability of people, once they leave this place, being able to do that – for you to be able to do than and then believe you have a better chance of communicating with that person via somebody who has absolutely no connection to you in your life whatsoever – the fact they need to qualify it by traveling to kookytown and having a guy lie to your face … if you believe that, go find him, because he’s looking for you too. If not this dude isn’t going to help you! I don’t think.”
14:55 – Jah asks Seth if he remembers the reality show The Player with a female player and a gang of dudes who all moved into the house together and vied for her love. There was a white dude who talked like “ping-pong-tong-thong…” Whenever she would kick a guy off she would say “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
30:52 – Dr. Chris Hansen had a special on Dateline NBC called “Did You See That?” It was about “change blindness.” They would take a Dateline staffer and put them on the street in New York with a map, pretending to be tourist, and walking up to people and asking them to help them get to a place on the map. After a brief exchange, other staffers would pretend to be walking by with a big painting and rudely cross in between the two people. In the time the painting was big enough to cross, the person could no longer see the person asking for directions, and another person would slide into the inquirer’s place. All of the people continued to go on and on as if it was the exact same person. They also did it at a copy store where one girl would crouch behind the counter and another would pop up and take her place. They did it on speed dating where one had to make a phone call and another person came in. They had 5 people in black shirts and 5 people in white shirts on a stage, certain people in the theater had to watch each color, and they had to count how many passes were made of a basketball. While it’s happening, Chris Hansen walks across the stage, and they can get the number of passes correct, but only a couple people saw Hansen walk across the stage. Jah is down with this study because there is so much input the brain receives and it can’t think about more than one thing at once.
53:51 – Seth saw a movie based loosely on a true story this week on Lifetime, The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. She plays a mother who secretly goes to work at a day spa/massage parlor to support her struggling family. She’s apprehensive at first but when the gifts start flying in from her favorite clients, it’s hard to resist. She goes from nervous to pervous in minute. When a fellow prostitute – the very young daughter of a Pentacostal family – can’t take it anymore and walks across the street to tell the Christian fellowship what’s going on, police come and break it up. She must decide whether to reveal the names of her big-wig clients or lose her kids. At the end of the movie, all the wives of the big-shot guys in the town come over to her house. She gives a really heartfelt/tearful apology for boning down on their husbands, and one of the woman says “We don’t want an apology. Tell us what you did to our husbands.” She takes out a banana and two apples to explain through a visual. They cut to her as a waitress later on and says “They wanted me to demonstrate. I went through two dozen bunches of bananas.”
10:20 – Seth asks if they’re going to bring back Roc starring Charles S. Dutton. A show about a Baltimore garbage collector, it aired three seasons from 1991-1994. Every episode of Season 2 was aired live. Seth is still right there on The Wire, ready to put the first disc in and get into Baltimore, but he’s wondering if he should explore this Baltimore first.
15:54 – In October of 2009 on TLC, we saw a little special called My Monkey Baby (Episode 187, 25:26) which changed Seth’s life and deeply affected many of the listeners of this show. This Friday, to celebrate Jah’s birthday weekend, NatGeo (“Live Curious”) will kick off a special called My Child Is A Monkey. Go inside the controversial world of “monkids.” Jah asks what an appropriate relationship is with an animal, because the fact that his dogs sleep on the bed with him makes Seth wants to jump out the window.
20:13 – Seth was watching Good Morning America, which had on the mother who started the Donor Sibling Registry (Episode 007, 27:47), a website that lists the sperm donor dads for kids. They have a donor who has 70 kids under the age of 7. He knows them all on an Excel spreadsheet and is in contact with them on the site, but he’s in contact under 70 names. They were saying the question arises, what happens 10-15 years down the road when he has 70 18- to 23-year-olds who show up and knock on his door. The lady’s son has 30 half-siblings that they know of and he’s contacted six of them so far. They find that they not only look alike but have similar likes and dislikes. One donation can bring up to 20 different kids. Another component is that grandparents are in the mix and by blood want to have relationships with the kids.
44:48 – Seth was disturbed this week watching Don Draper get slapped in the face by a prostitute on Mad Men.
1:16:48 – Seth references Boston Med on ABC which is his show. He says that if you have any health issues or know anyone involving a hospital, do not watch this show. If you aren’t and you just want to be frightened/see the miracles of modern science and technology, then watch the show.
10:58 – Seth watched the sixth season premiere of Criss Angel: Mindfreak. He was wearing a lot of heavy layered black clothing with a Slash top hat pulled down low. He does a crazy illusion where he gets a scorpion, puts it in his hand, smoke begins coming out of his hands and the scorpion is gone. He starts pressing on his chest and his body is contorting. He grabs a woman by the back of the neck and goes to make out with her, she’s choking and all of a sudden a scorpion walks out of her mouth. He looks at the camera and says, “Don’t let me kiss ya!” and eats the camera.
53:59 – Monday night, 10 p.m., second season premiere of Dating In The Dark. There’s nothing like when those lights come up and seeing facial expressions.
58:22 – Seth gives a recap of the two episodes of Tony Robbins’ show Breakthrough With Tony Robbins that got canceled.
30:49 – My Child Is A Monkey on NatGeo was pretty awesome, according to Seth. One lady proposed moving to her own island with all other monkid owners. Seth thinks they need to definitely do that and make a reality show about it called Monkey Island. Jah proposes that it be hosted by Gideon Yago (Episode 004, 26:19).
50:21 – Starting Monday, Sept. 13, 2010, it’s 25th and final season of Oprah.
59:07 – Seth was watching Assignment America with Steve Hartman on the CBS Evening News about a 100-year-old geinocologist in Augusta, Ga. He delivered his first baby in 1944 and has delivered approximately 18,000 babies – 70 years of vaginas. Seth wants to know how much the vagina has changed in 70 years, but Jah says it’s fundamentally the same, although more groomed.
16:48 – Seth was watching TMZ and Kid Cudi was coming out of a 7-11. Harvey Levin is obsessed with what people eat and always wants to know what they ordered. The camera guy asked Cutty, “What do you got there?” He had a bag of Fun-Yuns and a Starburst.
37:48 – ESPN’s Outside the Lines watched every play from every baseball game – 184 total – from a two-week span this summer (June 29-July 11). They reviewed every call not including balls and strikes. In those two weeks, there were 230 close calls. 1.3 in every single game they watched would require instant replay. Of those 1.3, 66% - when reviewed by a panel of experts – of the calls the umpires made were right. 14% were inconclusive, and 20% or 47 times, they were dead wrong.
39:21 – Jah cites a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where the Katrina family stays with them and there’s ejaculate on the blanket.
9:53 – Seth watched Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution and they were trying to meet nutritional requirements in school menus – they weren’t meeting them.
32:39 – Seth made his mother watch Jersey Shore and she was screaming at JWoww and Snooki.
9:54 – Seth has a couple TV picks this week. Monday, Sept. 20, 2010, will feature Monday Night Football on Seth’s birthday. On TruTV, there is Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock, on Tuesday, Sept. 7. On Saturday, Sept. 11, COPS returns for its 23rd season with its 800th episode – from Boynton Beach, Fla. to Harris County, Texas.
18:31 – This Monday on NatGeo, Giuliani’s 9-11 in his own words
23:44 – Seth watched footage of the Assault Intervention Device being used on 60 Minutes. They were pretending he was a protestor at the GE Summit. He was holding up a mattress and the beam shot through the process and forced him to drop the mattress and move away.
50:12 – Seth was watching a show called Secrets of the Mind, an ABC primetime special. They had a guy on there who had narcolepsy with cataplexy, or “paralyzed by love.” He goes into a heroin nod-off if he is with his wife or is remembered of their wedding. They can’t sleep together because a gentle touch during the night makes him collapse. Seth thinks porn would probably kill him. The only way he can fight it off is to think terrible thoughts, like his wife being disemboweled.
35:17 – Jah was watching a show on NatGeo the other day talking about the increased violent tendencies of the Earth. What happens and how utterly susceptible we are to the elements completely eradicates hundreds of years of us aligning everything. All Jah knows is you can’t eat money – water and food are all that keep you alive.
38:21 – There are four different TV shows coming on that are auction shows. There’s a show on Discovery in October called Bidder Rivals – a look inside one of Atlanta’s most storied auction houses; November on Spike has Auction Hunters – there are 10,000 abandoned storage units every day in the United States, take a look inside the cutthroat world of storage unit auctions; November on Sci-Fi features Hollywood Treasures – a look inside the high-stakes world of the largest auctioneer of showbiz and pop culture memorabilia; and lastly a TLC show not on the schedule yet called Auctioneers.
18:36 – Seth watched Dateline NBC with his friend Kate Snow. They ran a test to see if kids left home alone would open the door to a stranger. A van was parked outside with the kids’ parents saying there was no way their kid would open the door. It was based on a real scam where a guy would come to the door saying he was the “milk inspector,” flashing a badge and saying he was a special agent with the sheriff’s department. In Dateline’s setup, the brother and sister went ahead and let him in under this pretense.
25:06 – Oprah kicked off her farewell season this week by treating her audience of 300 people to a vacation to Australia. A mockup of a Quantus A380 rolls into the studio. “Cue the pilot!” Travolta steps out in full pilot gear … Oprah then did a follow-up story to a town in West Virginia she went to during her second season in November of 1987. There was a 26-year-old dude named Mike Sisco who had AIDS. He and his sister went to a public swimming pool in Williamson, W.Va., and he jumped in the pool. It was pandemonium and people jumped out of the pool and asked to drain it and quarantine it. They did a town hall in a field house, and this dude with his mullet sits in the middle of 400-some people being cast out. They re-interviewed the surgeon general, who said the information he gave them then was the exact same info he would give present day.
48:07 – A contestant on the show Big Brother spent the last three months completely quarantined. Twenty-three-year old Britney Haynes left her Arkansas home she shares with her fiancée Nick and their two dogs in hopes of winning the $500,000 grand prize. After the final episode aired they did a live special. Her house in Arkansas burned down to the ground. The producers and the family discussed it and decided not to tell her because she was almost done anyway. She won $25,000 because she was voted on America’s Favorite Houseguest.
7:43 – Seth mentions Sister Wives on TLC, which features a 41-year-old man named Cody Brown and his three wives and 16 kids, living in a home designed by a polygamist that looks like a TV set. A closet door connects to a new house. He wants to add a fourth wife but the other three aren’t down with it. Cody wanted everybody to know that “Love should be multiplied, not divided.” 14:53 – Monday, Oct. 4 is the 20-year anniversary of the very first episode of Beverly Hills: 90210
3:40 – Seth watched a documentary on HBO featuring Adrian Grenier of Entourage making a doc called Teenage Paparazzo. He was out at the Arclight and some dude said “I’m 13 years old, I’m just pappin!” while wearing a hoodie. He was driving around with Paris Hilton, and she said it was weird that she was the second-most Googled person next to Jesus. They were in Malibu at her beach cottage and behind the sheets there were 30 papps sitting on the beach waiting for them to come out. He goes “Paris, do you know the story of Narcissus?” She says no. He explains there was a boy who was in love with himself and would stare at his reflection in the river and one day he went to kiss his own reflection, fell in and drowned. The camera cuts to her and she says “Was it true?!”
24:31 – Seth watched Trash Inc. on CNBC about the secret life of garbage. They took him on a journey, and it’s a journey you may not want to take. It just gets brought to places and dumped.
27:48 – Seth watched Liquid Assets which talked about how there’s no water in the world and they did a segment about bottled water which terrified him.
31:18 – This Friday, Oct. 15, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team debuts on CMT.
51:48 – Weeknights at 9 on TV Land - $#*! Ray’s Dad Says, referencing the new CBS show with Shatner, to promo reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond
52:27 – Ashton Kutcher has a deal with CBS for a TV show based on the Twitter account “shhdontellsteve.” This is a Twitter page where I secretly tweet about what my roommate Steve is doing at all times. “Steve meekly playing Modern Warfare. … Steve has some foot odor issues lately … Steve accepted his mom’s friend request but isn’t happy. She poked him and she’s been messaging him asking about girls in his photos.”
54:44 – Seth saw Tommy Lee on Chelsea, Lately this week. He was talking about his son Brandon’s 14th birthday party this summer. Brandon wanted to have a rave. Tommy was like, “So I called my friend Dead Mouse, a DJ.” Unfortunately he was out of town so Tommy called Mixmaster Mike from The Beastie Boys and threw the craziest rave ever. He talked about how crazy it was because the boys were on one side and the girls were on the other side. Brandon was psyched because the cops showed up three times.
3:10 – Seth saw the car that drives itself that Google made on Good Morning America. You can sit in it and have a full conversation with someone while the car drives itself.
39:01 – Sunday, Oct. 24 on VH1: Football Wives
41:56 – The Lingerie Football League is on MTV2 on Friday nights. It’s pretty crazy, but Seth doesn’t like the fact that you don’t get to meet the girls on the show. They don’t even do huddles – they just cut the footage so it’s play after play after play. Jah hypothesizes that they don’t want to humanize these girls so dudes can just jerk off late at night.
48:34 – Seth watched a show on TLC called My Brand New Face featuring Maurice Simpson. He was born with the craziest, rarest facial tumor ever, but just lives his life. An anonymous fool from Ogden, Utah rolls in and gives him $300,000 to go to an institute and get surgery. Seth says both faces are pretty crazy, because surgery can only do so much.
3:24 – Ashton Kutcher has sold another blog to CBS to turn into a television show: Dear Girls Above Me. “It’s two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me and I’m forced to hear every dumb thing they say. These are my letters to them.”
39:25 – Seth was upset that he didn’t get profiles of the Lingerie Football League but he enjoyed getting intimate with his Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team. The three favorite books that were on every single cheerleader’s profile were The Bible, Harry Potter and Twilight. One of the cheerleaders, Kelsi Reich, writes on her profile: “Hi y’all! My number one priority in my life is my Christian faith and my walk with God. He has blessed me my entire life and I love him more than anything. Jesus gave his life for me so I give him all the glory for everything I do and everything I have.” Her favorite TV shows were Dancing With the Stars, CSI: Miami, George Lopez and Wheel of Fortune. Her favorite movies were Step Up, Step Up 2, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, 50 First Dates, Maid in Manhattan, and The Proposal.
51:05 – Growing The Big One is on the Hallmark Channel, starring Shannen Doherty. She’s a radio DJ named Emma Silver, who leads a chic city live in Seattle until she finds out her beloved grandfather has passed. Traveling to his farm in quaint Valleyville, Wash., to take care of the details, she’s stunned to learn her grandfather has left her his farm – along with a sizable amount of debt. To keep the bank from foreclosing, Emma must find a way to raise the money or face seeing her grandfather’s precious land end up as a parking lot. Following her grandfather’s famed legacy, Emma decides to enter Valleyville’s annual pumpkin growing contest with his prized seeds and growing the world-record biggest gourd. If she can win the grand prize of $50 Gs, she can save the farm. But farming isn’t Emma’s forté, and she soon realizes she has traded in the glamorous city lights to find herself knee-deep in manure. The pressure to win is even greater when the vicious new radio station manager, Kate – Sarah-Jane Redmond from Smallville – revamps Emma’s show to include complete coverage from the pumpkin patch. Then, Emma’s annoying neighbor, Seth – Stargate Atlantis’ Kavan Smith – cons Emma into becoming partners to get a share of the prized money. But as the two spend the summer nurturing their pumpkin plants, they grow closer and a romance develops. Finally feeling at home, Emma begins to carve out a simpler life in the country. But a relationship with Seth is threatened when her radio show becomes a hit and she gets a job offer in New York City. Will Emma be able to grow the biggest pumpkin and win the money to save her grandfather’s farm, or is the greatest prize one she just can’t put a price on?
11:38 – Max on TMZ was talking about a “turtle egg,” which is when you’re at the beach and you dig a hole in the sand and lay on your stomach and take a piss into the hole if you’re too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom.
12:41 – Seth and Jah watched a 20-year anniversary of Jerry Springer: Best Fights, Best Transsexuals. At this point Jah described it as the same sensation of watching footage of World War II, where it seems distant and weird and you wonder how it ever happened. They have a couple million people watching it now, but in the mid- to late-90s there were 11-12 million people consistently watching it.
19:22 – Seth is loving Melissa and Joey on ABC Family on Tuesday nights at 8:00. He can’t keep it to himself so he shares the excellent theme song with Jah.
26:48 – Robin Williams was a guest on The Tonight Show. Seth knew we were in trouble when he was introduced to Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” He started off with his Jamaican accent. He was instantaneously a magician, then a Confederate soldier, then a baseball announcer, then a deaf guy, then a gay dude from San Francisco, a GPS voice in both a bitchy English accent and a Scottish accent. At this point Seth had to go urinate with one arm up against the wall because he was having a full panic attack. Robin then went into his voice after just inhaling helium, then both he and Jay Leno do battling Schwarzeneggers, then he does a stoner, then he makes his hands talk, then he goes into a Southern hick, then he ends it with his Australian accent since he’s going to do live shows in Australia. He had really bad comedy bits interspersed in there – “What about those green cars? How about a car that runs on shit called the brown car? Put a tube right up my butt and put it right into the car. Fire in the hole!” After this, Judd Apatow comes out and blows Robin for another 10 minutes, showing him a collage he made and talking about the Improv in 1981.
32:45 – Seth watched a special on HBO called Brave New Voices about the 2010 National Youth Poetry Slam Championship in Los Angeles. He saw a lot of snapping from audience members. It was hosted by Common and Rosario Dawson.
36:01 – Seth watched CBS News Sunday Morning, and they were talking about “the big one,” or the next massive earthquake that will hit Southen California (Episode 239, 45:16). Researchers might be able to give people a 1-minute warning before the earthquake hits. They talked about getting an app so people could be alerted. Seth was worried that it might get hacked and that there would be sheer terror for one minute in Los Angeles.
45:19 – Seth watched E:60 on ESPN and saw the Ultimate B-Boy Championships that took place in Las Vegas in August. One kid said, “Represent Russia! If you don’t know today, you will know!” He later said, “Yeah feel good, like a sex machine! James Brown, rest in peace man.” The crew Killifornia lost to the crew from St. Petersburg, Russia, in the finals.
8:55 – Seth was watching the Pacquiao-Margarito: 24/7 on HBO which counts down their fight on Nov. 13 at Cowboys Stadium. Pacquiao’s trainer Freddie Roach is sitting in the VIP section of the airport in the Philippines’ capital city of Manila. He’s on a 10 p.m. direct flight to LAX, Philippines Air Flight 102, waiting for Manny and the crew to show up. Freddie is explaining that Manny doesn’t have to be there on time because he doesn’t have to go through security, etc., and can get there 10 minutes before the flight. He actually doesn’t show up until 10:15 p.m. and the plane waits for him.
20:45 – Seth was watching Parking Wars, which is dipping into Philly and Detroit. In Philly, people park like assholes. In Detroit, people are driving around and giving tickets out that are suspect at best. One woman named Joyice is getting a ticket and a boot and comes out with her mom to chew out the two female parking authority cops. The mom says, “Trust me, God’s got his eyes on all of us, and we will answer to him one day. You will answer. You’re gonna see his face, and I don’t think you gonna like it.” The parking lady replies, “You can’t sic God on people like he’s a dog. Booting your car is about paying a debt.” Joyice’s mom: “Jesus Christ paid the debt for me when he went to the cross for us all.” Parking lady: “God ain’t got nothin’ to do with this.” Joyice: “You need to get God in your life!” Parking lady: “I go to church every Sunday, and I don’t want to have a discussion about Jesus because that’s one thing I don’t debate about.” Joyice’s mom: “You have to repent. Christ paid the debt.” Parking lady: “But the parking tickets weren’t included.”
33:26 – This Wednesday at 8 p.m. on ABC, you can watch the Country Music Association Annual Awards. Making her country performance debut is Gwyneth Paltrow, singing the song “Country Strong,” which is the title of her upcoming film in December.
3:49 – John Quiñones is back with What Would You Do? They set up a woman as a phony panhandler and smudged her face with makeup. She was sitting outside of a café in New York City with huge Ray-Bans and blue blockers and a cane. She was asking for change from passer-bys and made sure that the guy close by eating lunch saw the whole charade of her parking and doing herself up and asking for change. The guy watched her ask for money from eight different people and did nothing. Quiñones walked up and asked why he didn’t challenge her. The man replies, “Well, I did some acting in the past, and I know that sometimes you need to get into character to be able to act that way.”
13:49 – Seth says that if you want to know how Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance of “Country Strong” went at the CMAs, you need to look at the face of Miranda Lambert during the standing ovation, and that will sum it up.
14:33 – Seth watched a segment on CBS Sunday Morning on Loretta Webb, a coal miner’s daughter. When she was 13 years old she was at a pie social in Butcher Holler, Kentucky. She met a 22-year-old guy named Oliver Vanetta Lynn, nicknamed “Doo” or “Moonie,” because he made a living running moonshine. A month later they were married and Loretta Webb became Loretta Lynn, and by the time she was 18 they had four kids.
30:44 – Seth watched Black Girls Rock on BET, “celebrating the brilliance of black women.” There was a woman motivator named Iyanla Vanzant who took to the stage: “I share this award with women who were told they could not and should not and they said, ‘Ta Da!’ and did it anyway. Black girls rock because we have no other choice!”
31:54 – Seth learned that his friend from Parking Wars, Joyice (Episode 244, 20:45), is pronounced “Joyous.”
48:41 – Seth watched the 2010 MTV Europe Music Awards, which took place in Madrid, Spain. Bon Jovi was singing “It’s My Life” and there was a stadium full of people on each other’s shoulders going absolutely nuts and moving rhythmically.
3:54 – J-Dawg’s old man did a three-episode arc on CSI: New York. Seth thought he was the killer, but he was unscrupulous and did it all for the family. 15:04 – Seth watched People magazine’s 2010 Sexiest Man Alive special on ABC. It featured Ryan Reynolds, whose wife, Scarlett Johannsen, who won 2010 GQ Babe of the Year. They were in the conference room brainstorming, and behind them is a white board where they’re throwing out names. Seth paused his flatscreen HDTV to see who was on the board: Leonardo DiCaprio, Bradley Cooper, Jon Hamm, Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco, Justin Timberlake, Tim McGraw and ….. Ryan Seacrest.
41:43 – Seth tuned in for some What Would You Do? with John Quiñones. They did the old “slip and fall” routine where a supermarket employee sprays water on the floor and somebody else eats it. There was a guy there to fix the refrigerator, and they make the girl go over there to tell him she was having a hard day and asked him not to say anything. For a split second she was getting chesty with him, and it gave Seth the idea that they should make the show be a sex trap show and call it What Would You Not Do?
41:52 – Before Seth goes into his Quiñones show description, Jah stops him to ask if he watches Two And A Half Men. Seth says no.
47:46 – The Better Business Bureau has issued a warning bulletin called “’Tis The Season for Holiday Scams.” Although 20/20 last week did a scam watch on the BBB and realized that all you need to do is pay them money and you go from a C- to an A+. Some asshole complained about waiting an extra day for a book at a legit LA bookstore and so the BBB graded her with a C. They strong-armed her and asked for $300, and she did it and they gave her business an A. They started a BBB for a fake business for Hamas and Stormfront, the neo-Nazi business. They paid money and got A-pluses.
4:37 – The Hallmark Channel has four Christmas movies coming in December. On Dec. 2, it’s The Santa Suit starring Kevin Sorbo; on Dec. 4 it’s Farewell Mr. Kringle starring Christine Taylor; on Dec. 9 it’s The Santa Incident staring Ione Skye; and on Dec. 18 it’s Battle of the Bulbs starring Daniel Stern. Jah thinks the best/worst one will be between Sorbo and Skye.
10:53 – Seth declares Storage Wars on A&E as being “totally awesome.” Seth watched as 30 dudes in Victorville opened a unit in 114-degree heat and just looked in to pick out what they wanted. One guy, Barry Weiss, brought a midget on stilts so he could have a better vantage point to look into the unit. One guy bought a cardboard box out of Suge Knight’s home that got foreclosed on. He didn’t know what was in it, but opened it up and it was Bernini of Beverly Hills custom-made clothes for Suge that had “Custom Styled for Suge Knight” stitched in. One dude opened up a unit that had industrial kitchen stuff in it, and spent $2,600 and made $20,000.
41:10 – Seth watched Sunday Night Football on NBC with the Giants and Eagles, and they had a camera on the Giants’ pre-game huddle to get hyped up. Giants RB Brandon Jacobs is screaming, “We hungry! Let’s eat! You ain’t supposed to eat Eagles, dammit! It’s against the goddamn law, but we gonna eat ‘em tonight!”
42:46 – NatGeo’s Wild Justice follows the California Department of Fish & Game as they roll up on some bear hunters who are getting their pickup party on. They roll a bear down the hill and it’s spilling blood because they’ve cut the gall bladder out. They have to interrogate them until one of them pulls it out of a Zip-loc bag and makes him cut it up before they can leave. They’re also in Chinatown of San Francisco, and finding deer cock and other things you can’t sell.
47:21 – Chelsea Handler was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and as she came out the band played “Candy Shop” as an homage to her possible relationship with 50 Cent. She talked about going to Cabo San Lucas for Thanksgiving. She tells Jay she can’t take 50 to Cabo because he can’t swim very well. Jay Leno says, “It’s Fitty.” Handler: “I don’t know, I call him Curtis when we’re having sex.” Jay asks, “Curtis what?” and she can’t think of it. She sits and rolls her eyes and admits she doesn’t know.
16:12 – What Would You Do? if you were a father at a restaurant sitting across from your 16-year-old son and he says to you, “Father, I’m gay.” They set the scenario up and the dad went crazy, saying “My son’s not gay! It’s disgusting! I want to have grandkids. You’re not gay, not in our family. There’s no one who’s ever been gay!” There was another scenario with the mother where she turned on him as well, but people around her had no probem weighing in on that one.
29:55 – Seth recalls the show Amish In The City, which was on UPN in the summer of 2004. It was five Amish teams experiencing their Rumspringa. Last month, Seth is fast-forwarding through a documentary he recorded on his DVR called Amish at the Alter on NatGeo. There was a dude named Mose who reminded him of his boy mose from Amish In The City, but then again they all looked the same. Low and behold, he’s watching Amish: Out of the Order on NatGeo, featuring a town, Columbia, Mo., where they take people if they decide to leave the Amish faith. There was Mose Gingrich, who is a sort of community leader and owns a construction company, and he realizes it’s the same dude in all these shows.
40:56 – Larry King had his last episode on CNN last week. Seth Googled “uhh yeah dude larry king” and realized there were a lot of instances in which they talked about him. Seth found that Larry had Deborah Tate – Roman Polanski’s former sister-in-law – on the show once. He asked her, “Do you ever talk to Roman Polanski.” She indicated that she had, then he replied, “Wow, how can you have a civil conversation with someone who so brutally murdered your sister?”
19:18 – Seth was watching the 79th annual Hollywood Christmas Parade (Episode 045, 54:07; Episode 057, 8:06; Episode 196, 15:47), which Jah thought was canceled. This year it featured Tito Ortiz and his wife Jenna Jameson, with zero mention by Eric Estrada or anyone involved of what Jenna does for a living. There was also Martin Cove – the sensei of the Cobra Kai in Karate Kid I, II and III. (Jah saw Cove at a bar not long ago), and Ace Young – who finished in 7th place on American Idol five years ago.
51:09 – Seth was watching 60 Minutes the other day, and they have six people with a memory so incredible it’s called “super autobiographical memory.” They remember in detail every single day of their lives. They’re all highly-functioning people. One of the six people is actress Marilu Henner.
2:24 – Start the year off this Monday night on Lifetime with The Craigslist Killer: “Be careful what you search for.” The bus poster features the delete button from a keyboard with a blood-stained fingerprint and the female gender symbol on it.
7:09 – Seth recommends watching another documentary to your queue in addition to the two mentioned in Episode 251: the TLC special Extreme Couponing. Four people who are master couponers at the top of their game show you how to be the best. One of the women who also likes to dumpster dive: “Don’t judge me, but I cashier profile.”
26:04 – Thanks to HBO’s little cousin Showtime, this Sunday, Jan. 9, Seth will get a seven-episode series of a show titled Episodes starring Matt LeBlanc. It’s about an English husband-and-wife team who have a hit show in England and they’ve come to America to remake it. LeBlanc gets cast in it.
53:01 – Seth watched a Bait Car episode from San Francisco and was blown away. Usually a bait car needs to sit on the street for 9 to 14 minutes before people sit in it, but in San Francisco they leave the bait car in the Tenderloin district for a matter of seconds and the car has already been taken. There was a black guy in his 60s in the Mission who gets in the car, and he’s in full disbelief that he got a car. He’s so excited and in a dream state that he captured the vehicle and laughs to himself that he’s a drunk driver. Another guy is arrested and claims it’s not stolen. One guy won’t give his name and finally says “Fair Game. That’s my whole name.” He says he’s from Mars, then says “You got tapes? I got tapes. You wanna see my tapes?”
25:24 – Paula Abdul has a new show about dance. They introduce her to a girl who’s nearly in tears because they had met before. When the girl was 12 years old, a car drove through her dance studio and nearly killed her. Paula Abdul hugs her and comforts her but doesn’t appear to recall the incident ever happening.
27:38 – The People’s Choice Awards gave Favorite Comedic Star to Adam Sandler and the Favorite Comedy to Grown Ups. He went up on stage to receive his award and had a black eye. His speech: “I have a black eye and I’m sorry. I wanted to go to a concert, I wanted to see the Black-Eyed Peas, and the lady thought I said, ‘Black eye, please.’”
31:09 – Jamie Kennedy had a Showtime special that Seth kept putting off watching. He finally did his due diligence and sat down to watch it. This is at the time when he is dating Jennifer Love Hewitt. He says, “I hate being away from her. I have to travel a lot and I get lonely at night.” He holds up his hand. “This becomes my Party of Five. I Know What You Did Last Summer. I Can’t Hardly Wait.”
36:51 – Roger Ebert was on CBS Sunday Morning. He has a new book out called The Pot and How to Use it: The Mystery and Romance of the Rice Cooker. The problem is he had his jaw removed and it’s scary looking because he’s missing a large part of his face. Seth was freaked out when he saw him with the rice cooker and turning to the camera to hold up a bowl of what he’d cooked to reveal no face. Seth: “You had your back to me. All I saw was you in the kitchen working and I was like, ‘I love this guy! That’s my dog! He’s been at this rice cooker for an hour. Very mysterious over here, but I smell ginger.’ And then you turn around to hand me a bowl with no face? Fuck off! I’m not eating today, tonight or ever. Literally.”
13:03 – Jason Alexander is going to do a pilot for CBS. The role requires him to play more than one person and is a detective storyline. Jah thinks Larry David should make a show called George, and Seth erupts in an orgasm of joy at the awesomeness of that idea.
16:58 – Jonathan watched a National Geographic special called Solitary Confinement, which is about lifers trapped within the “six-color” prison system. The lowest color means you’re in isolation 23 hours a day. They go in and film and interview these prisoners. All of them interviewed in the documentary were in prison for non-violent crimes. One was in for selling stolen computer equipment and sentenced to 11 years, but got into an altercation within his first month there and attacked somebody, so he was in the hole. They interview the prison guards, who literally hate the prisoners because every time they get out of a cell they try to rip their faces off. The guards say, “They mentally deteriorate over time. They definitely are worse now then they were.” They have cameras in the cells so they watch the dudes wake up, do crazy sit-ups and go into a crazy cycle of touching 12 things and wiping their forehead, etc. One guy had gotten 99 years tacked onto his sentence while living in isolation. In order to ever get out of that, you have to do nothing bad for 3-4 years. One old Cholo dude who has been in there 9 years said, “I don’t know how these guys do it. When I get like that, I meditate.” He goes into a deep meditative state. He’s the most together of them all. One of the dudes has been in isolation and is up for parole but never gets out of isolation before being released. He gets out and his mom runs up to him, and you can see a complete absence in his eyes. … Jah watches this documentary and is convinced that the system doesn’t work. He encourages everyone to instant queue that bad boy because it’s very well done. Jah says it’s better than Lockdown because he gets nightmares from it.
9:15 – Jah watched a little bit of Teen Mom 2. He thinks MTV could maybe be prosecuted for a criminal act of some sort for what they’ve done with their programming to take something that was one thing and then turn it into a completely different thing.
36:20 – Syfy Network has a show called Face Off. It’s a competition elimination reality series exploring the world of special effects, makeup artists and the unlimited imagination that allows them to create amazing works of living art. It’s on at Wednesday night at 10 p.m. Seth’s whole life, he has never known anyone who was on a reality TV show, except now he does. There’s a young woman on this show who Seth worked with at one point. Seth will not reveal where he worked with this young woman named Megan. Megan will agree with Seth that she is a thinker and sometimes she thinks so much about makeup that things happen in life.
44:24 – Seth watched NOVA scienceNow with Neil Degrasse Tyson. “Can we make it to Mars?,” he asked. If it were to happen it would be a multi-year journey, and the Johnson Space Center in Houston is making food that has to be thermostabilized to be able to last more than 5 years. They give him both a two-year-old pork chop and an eight-year-old pork chop and he can’t tell which one is which. Then they give him a freeze-dried bag with five-year-old shrimp cocktail, and he eats it no problem. Jah thinks space travel should be done family style, where spaceships are big enough to sustain an incredible amount of time and allow people to breed and generate more people that can man the ship as the other people die.
47:31 – A Pioneers of Televsion episode is coming up on PBS next week all about the western, which has translated now into the space genre.
1:02:22 – John Quiñones asks What Would You Do? if there was an old-ass man with a trenchcoat stealing stuff from a grocery store. The actor basically steals a box of Jell-o and a can of tuna. When an old dude would come by with a carriage, he just kind of shrugged it off. Every single woman in the supermarket, however, would call him out immediately and bring attention to his theft every time. Jah and Seth thinks there’s not a chance in hell they would narc this guy out.
16:42 – Jah wants to talk about TV because he doesn’t get to do it too much, but now that he’s been housesitting he’s been open to the world. His new favorite show is You’re Cut Off on VH1. He doesn’t know quite what he’s responding to yet.
18:21 – Seth revisits his show Face Off with his friend Megan (Episode 255, 36:20). He was hoping to be able to report on crazy stuff she said each week, but they didn’t really feature her too much in the first episode. He then got a phone call saying there’s bonus footage on the website that didn’t make the show, which really shows off Megan’s talents. At one point she makes a crazy ostrich character and gets critiqued on it. Later, at the house, she complains that she didn’t understand what was going on: “So… he said, um, ‘ar var var…’” The other contestant: “He said avant garde.” Megan: “I thought he told me it was like something from Olive Garden. I don’t speak French!” The other contestant laughs in her face and tells her avant garde isn’t a bad thing. “Well it’s better than Olive Garden! … I love their breadsticks.”
21:38 – America’s Most Wanted is up to 1,140 captures. There was a BOLO (Be On the Lookout) for Henry Chavez, 29, 3 feet 11 inches tall, 85 pounds with a mole on his left cheek. He killed a man in Maryland and could be in Mexico. Police don’t know. John Walsh: “He’s a little person, but cops say he’s very dangerous. Call us if you know where he is.”
40:37 – Seth reflects on his jam, Extreme Couponing (Episode 252, 7:09). TLC has now picked it up for a 12-episode series, which will profile a new super couponer during a half-hour episode each week.
41:15 – Jah caught an episode of Teen Mom 2. He says those shows are crazy.
41:47 – Seth is still out of Jersey Shore, but finds out they’re going to Italy for the fourth season. It’s like they’re doing everything they can to make it impossible for Seth not to watch. They might as well go to Haverhill.
50:58 - John Quiñones asks What Would You Do? if there was a female waiter serving an overweight woman who orders a bacon cheeseburger and onion rings, and encourages her to order a salad instead. Every time the waitress leaves, every woman from every table says it’s unbelievable and she should be able to do what she wants while hugging her. Every guy at every table doesn’t say a word, even when the women try to engage them.
3:15 – This past weekend’s Saturday Night Live featured Dana Carvey and Linkin Park.
12:30 Jeopardy!, on Monday-Wednesday, Feb. 14-16, will feature IBM’s Watson supercomputer taking on Ken Jennings, who has the most consecutive wins (74) from 2004-2005, and also Brad Rudder, who had the most earnings on the show ($3.2 million) from 2001, 2002 and 2005. First place will get $1 million, second place will get $300,000 and third place $200,000. If the computer wins it, all of it goes to charity. 52:03 – Seth watched Dr. Hansen do The Hansen Files where he busted psychics, tarot card readers and air duct service cleaning people.
17:36 – When Seth gets scared, he turns to his advice guru on Good Morning America, Liz Pryor. Robin Roberts asked her, “You believe in being straight-forward.” Liz responded, “I shoot from the hip – but with a lot of heart.”
10:31 – Watson destroyed those humanoid fools on Jeopardy! Jah thinks the teens on the Teen Tournament should go up against an iPhone.
18:16 – Time magazine has an article called “The Truth About Sex Addicts,” featuring a creepy dude laying in a bed. He was on the Today show talking about how his compulsion would overtake his person: “I was involved with a girl and she was out of town. I cheated on her Friday night, on Saturday night, on Sunday. On the way to picking her up at the airport on Monday I stopped and had sex with a street prostitute. After I looked in my rear-view mirror, what I thought was red lipstick was actually blood from the prostitute’s mouth, so I stopped at a gas station bathroom, I cleaned it off, I picked up my girl and we had sex, unprotected, as soon as we got home, in the same bed that I had sex in all weekend with these three other women.”
24:51 – Seth was watching the Adult Entertainment Expo 2011 on the G4 Network. They had a company called Sweet Sinner, which is referred to as “girlfriend porn” that you can watch with your partner. The slogan: “Real stories, real sex, real positions, real intimacy.”
26:44 – They did a new Cathouse where they introduced the new girls. Seth’s boner inverted into his own body because of how gross it was.
34:54 – Good Morning America was in Times Square this morning with Sam Champion. A girl was holding up a sign that says KISS ME SAM surrounded by stars and hearts with a hole cut out of it so she could stick her face through it and try to kiss the gay weatherman. Sam puts his cheek out and she kisses him on the cheek.
47:53 – Seth follows up on the 3-foot, 1-inch criminal, Henry Chavez, from America’s Most Wanted (Episode 256, 21:38). He was in El Salvador and they brought him back to the U.S. A U.S. Marshal met him at the airport and said the little guy just looked at him and said, “Hey, just good to be back.”
3:40 – David Arquette was on Oprah today. His yoga instructor, Dale, told him, “Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
20:13 – Seth watched NOVA scienceNow with Neil deGrasse Tyson. They showed robots people were building. One guy made one that looks like Phillip Dick and he sits on the dude’s couch in his house. From behind it looks like a robot, but if you’re sitting across from it, it looks creepily similar to a human.
26:21 – Twenty years ago this week, what did John Goodman, Jasmine Guy and Kenny Rogers have in common? They were all on Arsenio. Jah was in love with Jasmine Guy and loved A Different World with her and Kadeem Hardison.
42:10 – Seth watched Our America with Lisa Ling on Oprah Winfrey Network. She profiled 5 transgendered lives. Tonya is living as a man, and was working out at the gym with dudes gathered around amazed. Tonya says: “Since I’ve started the testosterone, my sex drive has changed. Like I’ve got these sexual feelings that I want, like a man. It’s crazy. Sometimes I really think to myself, ‘How do men hold themselves back?’”
55:21 – John Quiñones and What Would You Do? created a thing called “My Scenario” where viewers sent in their own scenarios. A teacher in middle school thought it would be a good assignment for the class, but she realized halfway through reading the rules that you had to be 21 years old to participate. She wrote a passionate letter to them and they decided to pay the school a visit. Quiñones shows up and the class goes bananas. They go around the room and ask what their scenarios are. Some responses: “Hijacking a car.” … “A lost child.” … “Child abuse.” … “Attempted suicide.” … “Kidnapping.” … “Fans fighting at a baseball game.” … “You’re driving through the countryside during a strong storm and a tree falls on the car. You know, I thought it over with my parents and we came up with car crash.”
23:07 – Seth watched Billy Bush on Access Hollywood and he was being way too energetic and it creeped Seth out.
32:14 – Jonathan watched a little John Quiñones the other day and thought of Seth because he got to see it in live action. It featured two white ladies with a black adopted baby and some shop owner making racist remarks. Seth says that if John Quiñones has taught us anything, when you go out into the world you have to assume at any time that you’ll be captured by hidden cameras for What Would You Do? so that you have to put your best food forward in any situation.
14:41 – Seth watched the 42nd annual NAACP Image Awards (Episode 054,4:09) – a multicultural awards show from an African American point of view. The nominees for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture were Don Cheadle in Brooklyn’s Finest, Idris Elba for Takers Michael Ealy for For Colored Girls, Samuel L. Jackson for Mother and Child and Justin Timberlake for The Social Network. The winner was Samuel L. Jackson, but Seth is having a tough time with the Timberlake nomination.
39:49 – Seth watched James Ellroy’s show James Ellroy’s Los Angeles: City of Demons. He’s an old-school guy whose second ex-wife, Helen Knode, a writer living in Los Angeles, gave him old crime photos as a gift. She happened to stumble across police files of his mother’s murder, a manila folder entitled “Jean Ellroy.” It only contained one thing, an 8-by-10 black-and-white photograph of James Ellroy taken 10 minutes after he learned his mother had been murdered. He’s standing at the kitchen sink with the LAPD officers there. She framed it, wrapped it up and gave it to him as a present on Christmas Day. He was 45 years old at the time this happened, and had never seen this photograph of a repressed memory, and loses his shit. They got divorced and he lost his mind, it’s been 25 years since and he’s written a ton of crazy books.
52:55 – Seth saw a commercial that aired during the Super Bowl featuring a guy and a girl at the end of a date sharing a soft romantic good-night kiss. He jumps in his car and the car talks to him: “Good evening, what would you like to do?” He responds,” Facebook news feed.” Car replies: “First post, Jennifer French: ‘Best first date ever!’” The narrator: “The all-new Chevy Cruze with real-time Facebook status updates. When the good news just can’t wait.”
1:08:13 – Seth watched HGTV’s Secrets From A Stylist with friend of the show Emily Henderson, winner of the reality show Design Star. She has to meld a couple’s personal styles together. She does this by running a style diagnostic on them. Seth thinks everyone in the world should have one of these done on them.
33:33 – Seth watched a guy from The Wall Street Journal on Charlie Rose because he wanted to watch him explain what “the cloud” was. This is all he heard: “Abstraction, geolocation, servers, zips, bits, bytes, browsers, drives, session IDs, plug-ins, cluster, software, interface, data, IT, dynamic provisioning, peer-to-peer, mainframe, processing, grid, infrastructure, access systems, dynamics, metering platform, applications, hardware, network, via, tiers, internals, hybrids, hosting, sourcing, computing, cookies, tablets, torrents, components, flashes, algorithms, viruses, docks, encryption and coding. … That’s the cloud.”
53:54 – Seth watched COPS because it’s the best show ever. A dude is getting arrested and the cop asks him, “Have you ever been arrested?” Seth couldn’t believe he asked him, because every single time the answer is “Yes.”
50:06 – Seth watched 60 Minutes with the Archbishop of New York, Tim Dolan. He’s the worst dude ever.
9:54 – Seth watched Who Do You Think You Are? on NBC. This week it featured Steve Buscemi. Steve met with a geneologist at the Municipal Archives in NYC from Ancestry.com. They talk about his great-grandmother, who lived at 207 Seventh Ave. in Brooklyn. Buscemi looks shocked, and remarks that it’s the same address as one of his favorite restaurants – where his wife and he ate last night.
7:56 – When you think no one’s watching, do you step in, step up or step away? What Would You Do? with John Quiñones.
10:17 – There’s a show on Showtime called Gigolos that features five gigolos. It’s produced by Jah’s homie, Richard Grieco.
20:06 – Three TV shows are on next Sunday from 9-11 and everyone in the room needs to be in front of their TVs: 9:00-9:30 – Audrina: Mark Burnett and VH1 have teamed up to give a never-before-seen look into the life of Audrina Patridge. From 9:30-10:00 is the premiere of Saddle Ranch, featuring young people coming to L.A. to chase their dreams and pay their bills while working at the hottest place on the Sunset Strip – The Saddle Ranch Chop House. From 10:00-11:00 we go to TruTv and watch Police: POV, a stunning new series that will allow viewers to experience the intensity of police work through officers’ own point of view.
42:33 – Seth watched the 24th annual Kid’s Choice Awards with Jack Black. Seth watched Steven Tyler give an award to Johnny Depp and wondered who was wearing more articles of clothing. It was Depp.
51:29 – The NewNowNext Awards (Episode 223, 31:56) are coming up again. At this point Jah is taking offense that they haven’t been recognized yet.
7:32 – The Mother Nature Network (“Improve Your World”) had a story on its website about the 7 funniest eco-comedians. Kristen Wong was one of the comedians. “People say it’s hard for single women in LA, but ladies, take the bus here and suddenly you’ll find that men offer you nothing but affirmation, affirmation, affirmation. Sure, some of them are wearing an adult diaper and nothing else, but…”
18:22 – Extreme Couponing is back. “I’m Nathan. They call me Mr. Coupon. I’m not your grandma, who uses coupons and clips one. I clip 20. I try to target what I’m buying, and I buy a lot of it. I’m like a marksman. Instead of a marksman who’s hunting a deer, I’m hunting deodorant.”
22:39 – Happy Endings on ABC features a lot of face acting. One scene gives the same character a different hairstyle after cutting away.
30:08 – Taking their cue from Lost, satellite service provider DirecTV is doing enhanced versions of Damages. The plot and character subtitles are written by writers on the show and appear on the screen to give viewers a look at the episodes they missed. DirecTV will launch the fourth season of Damages this summer and will show all three of the past seasons as enhanced repeats.
42:13 – Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution brings him into the LA public school system. They’re not listening to him. They’re just drinking chocolate milk and strawberry milk.
10:55 – Discovery Network is launching a television network for rich guys and their toys called Velocity. It will be piped into about 40 million homes soon. The target audience is men with incomes of $150,000 and above – high net worth listeners.
16:43 – Gigolos is a crazy show. The dudes are so perved out. Seth describes it as The Hills meets Cathouse. Seth warns you not to watch it with grandma.
31:59 – Triple Rush on the Travel Channel profiles bike messengers in New York City. A “triple rush” is when you have to deliver a package in Manhattan in less than 15 minutes. Seth chooses to watch the show until someone’s bike gets stolen, and a dude loses both of his tires 20 minutes into the show.
38:16 – Seth watched the documentary Gun Fight on HBO about gun control directed by Barbara Koppel. She profiled Harlan County, Ky. There were also dudes in Philly talking about their guns and referring to them as “jawns.”
48:42 – Cee-Lo Green, who will be one of the judges on the NBC talent competition The Voice hosted by Carson Daly, has leased actor Frankie Muniz’s Hollywood Hills area house (Episode 004, 26:19) – listed at $3,195,000 – at $10,000 a month. Built in 1941, it’s been remodeled with an open floor plan. It’s a 4,200 square foot home. Muniz bought the house in 2006 for $3,499,000 and has been leasing it out since.
58:52 – Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel features mini competitive cheerleaders aged 7 and 8. It reminded Seth of when he saw little tiny kids doing ballroom dancing on Dancing With the Stars (Episode 114, 14:54).
22:10 – Girls Night Out: The Superstar Women of Country on CBS features the Judds. There is a lot going on with Winona. Carrie Underwood was on there, and Vince Gill came out to honor her by singing one of her songs. He sings “Jesus Take the Wheel,” and as the camera cuts over to her she’s closing her eyes and lifting up her hand, and it spreads like wildfire throughout the whole audience.
27:51 – Seth watched The Set-Up Squad on Logo. There was a guy on there who said, “I can’t fix the train tracks until I see the train wreck.”
9:30 – Seth was watching his all-time favorite TV program, Happy Endings, and they did an Osama bin Laden joke. One of the characters was trying to catch a mouse in an apartment and said, “That mouse is like my bin Laden – Jessica bin Laden, this super-hot Arab girl I went to college with.” Then he starts to talk again, Seth sees his mouth moving and there’s no audio. Seth wondered what ABC did, then got ahold of some connections in Hollywood to figure it out. He got ahold of the original script in QuickTime, and figures out the next line: “… Always the one that got away.”
26:52 – Seth watched Steel Divas on Lifetime – an hour-long look at competitive female bodybuilders
28:25 – Seth watched Stonewall Uprising on PBS – a wonderful documentary, part of the American Experience series about the Stonewall gay bar riots in the summer of 1969 in NYC that started the modern-day gay rights movement. There was a drag queen featured named Captain Faggot.
37:57 – Seth watched a COPS episode from 1994 in which perps were fighting in a gas station where regular unleaded gasoline cost $1.01.
48:43 – The fourth season finale of Chuck is May 16.
13:41 – Seth watched Pretty Hurts on Logo. It’s about a registered nurse named Rand Rusher, who they call “Mr. Fix It.” He’s a skin care therapist/specialist in Beverly Hills. He’s into the freezers/fillers injectible game. Someone asked him if he saved lives. “I save social lives.”
27:32 – What Would You Do? with John Quiñones – a woman jumps over to a table. When she has one-on-one time, she says “I almost butt in because I just watched a TV show on television, it said, Would you do what’s right?” Later in the same sitch: “Listen, I just watched a TV show, Should You Get Involved? and I have some strong feelings…”
29:44 – Jah got hooked on The Voice while he was in NYC. Jah thought he would make a good contestant on that show if they couldn’t see him.
49:25 – The Discovery Network is working on a show they might release this summer called Moonshiners that follows a diverse group of people living in Appalachia who carry on a 200-year-old tradition carried on by their forefathers of making moonshine.
22:24 – The Game Show Network is developing a Bible quiz show.
24:28 – Jonathan was watching a fight the other night on ESPN, and the fighter had “JESUS DIDN’T TAP” written across the back of his shorts.
27:57 – This Wednesday is Oprah’s last show. Seth is going to the craziest Oprah viewing party at Jamie Foxx’s house. They’ve been showing clips from old shows, and Seth sees one from 1988 on skinheads.
38:33 – MSNBC – Sex Slaves: Motor City.
44:00 – CBS Sunday Morning featured a reincarnation convention. Participants go through a deep hypnosis.
50:43 – Dr. Hansen was on The Hansen Files on Dateline NBC on Sunday night. He’s busting repairmen who are overcharging customers for things they don’t need. It was hard for Seth to watch him relegated to such trivial BS when he could be busting peeds. After Hansen busts a garage door repairman, the guy gets really pissed and recognizes Hansen and says, “You should be busy out finding pedophiles rather than doing this shit,” then gets in his truck and speeds off.
7:33 – Jonathan watched a shark documentary on NatGeo at his friend’s house. It was about Great White research – dudes standing in an aluminum putt-putt boat in the middle of the ocean with SLR cameras taking pictures. The sharks were always running in a crew together versus going solo. All the sharks care about is eating seals. One female Great White comes up underneath the boat and bites the engine, then goes back down again and comes up, and it’s a minimum of 7 feet longer than the entire boat. Jah was physically scared sitting on a couch watching it in high-def on his friend’s 60-inch TV.
10:25 – The Hansen Files on Dateline NBC confronts bike thieves in New York City. He also busted bath salts distributors. To bust one dude, he dresses in Under Armour and begins grilling him. At one point, he goes, “Well Andrew, there’s something you need to know…” Andrew responds, “What? Chris Hansen?”
44:23 – 254 television shows will be on this summer.
15:35 – Sand Masters on the Travel Channel profiles people who take sand and create magic. Jah dipped into some Storage Wars. Jah and Seth both recommend Big Fat Gypsy Weddings on TLC.
17:52 – Seth watched CNBC and saw Code Wars: America’s Cyber Threat about cyber attacks. It sent him into a full panic.
32:51 – Seth watched Human Trafficking on CNBC. It was no joke.
1:05:46 – Seth says thank-you to his friend Gary Samuel Trock, who sported an Uhh Yeah Dude t-shirt on TMZ.
26:14 – Seth watched the first of the HBO documentary series “Life Happens” about the American-born chess player Bobby Fischer. It was called Bobby Fischer Against the World.
21:01 – The Daytime Emmy Awards featured Jonathan Jackson winning Outstanding Supporting Actor for his role as Lucky Spencer in General Hospital. JJ is 29 and has been playing Lucky since age 11.
34:24 – Celebrity Close Calls on Bio is a TV show that talks to celebrities about close calls. Ice T talked about being in Compton at age 21 and driving home at 9 a.m. He was falling asleep and his foot slipped off the break and he got T-boned in an intersection and almost died. … Ed Begley Jr. told a story that Seth did not know. On Feb. 17, 1972, he was a 22-year-old kid who wanted to go with his buddy Paul to Gardena and play cards. He goes to the Normandy Club to play poker. He gets on a bus at Santa Monica and Western to head south. At Western and Imperial Highway in Compton, the bus driver says “end of the line.” He gets off the bus and a group of teenagers come at him and his buddy. Paul takes off running and they beat Begley senseless. They only stop when a car passes by and the crowd disperses. They’ve also been stabbing him and he’s bleeding out. He is rushed to a hospital and his lungs were collapsed, and they open up his body to get him to stop hemorraghing, and they save him and he goes on to be Ed Begley Jr.
57:08 – Seth watched Hot Coffee, part of his 13-week Monday night HBO documentary series. It’s all about tort laws and uses the story of the bitch who spilled hot McDonald’s coffee on herself in 1994 and sued the restaurant for it. The story about it was she was a passenger in a parked car. She was 81 or 82 when it happened and they showed a picture of her – it looked like her skin had been melted off by hydrochloric acid. It was all up her inner thighs. Seth felt terrible because she’d been talking shit about this lady for 20 years.
59:39 – There was a new show on the ID Network called Disappeared. This episode was called “Mystery at the Border” about the family that disappeared – the McStays (Episode 274, 29:45). The detectives on the case were completely stumped as to where they were.
20:27 – Jah watched about 10 minutes of a show called The Marriage Ref. The only episode Jah saw with an Asian man and a blonde woman who owned ducks, and the female duck had been laying eggs. The problem they were having was the man started collecting the eggs and was trying to get the wife to eat them. The wife thought that was gross. The man thought it was a waste since the duck was sitting on them all day. She said he could eat them, and his response was, “There’s no way I can eat 21 eggs.”
1:06:00 – Jah saw Kid Rock on Piers Morgan Now. J-dawg likes Kid Rock but hates Piers Morgan and doesn’t understand how he’s there and so smugly acting like he’s been there 15 years.
3:02 – Seth watched Inside the Actor’s Studio with James Lipton, where he watched Jennifer Aniston talk about her acting chops.
4:44 – Discovery Channel next week – it’s Shark Week once again.
59:28 – Seth watched Primetime: Nightline Beyond and an episode called “Battle With the Devil.” It had footage of exorcisms and battles with demons. They talked to a preacher of a conservative evangelical Baptist congregation: “The devil doesn’t like anybody. In fact, he hates everybody, but his arms are too short to box with God, so he boxes with us.”
13:32 – Friends With Benefits was a feature film that came out in January of 2011. Friends With Benefits 2, also known as No Strings Attached, came out in July of 2011. Now, this Friday on NBC, there will be a sitcom following a group of friends living in Chicago called Friends With Benefits.
30:51 – Seth watched Same Name on CBS. They took David Hasselhoff, and found a dude living in herda-hadda also named David Hasselhoff. They brought the herda-hadda to a shitty mansion in Encino where celebrity Hasselhoff lives and the dude was blown away.
32:54 – Seth watched Famous Food with Mike and Lonnie of Geisha Food trying to teach imbeciles to put a restaurant together.
35:43 – Seth used to love Cheaters back in the day when it was good. The first time J-dawg watched it he couldn’t believe it was happening. He could have sworn it was illegal and didn’t know how they got away with it.
27:06 – Big Rich Texas on the Style Network and Texas Women on CMT. Also Most Eligible: Dallas on Bravo and Donna Decorates Dallas on HGTV. Later this year ABC will bring us Good Christian Belles, A&E gives us American Hoggers, TNT gives us a remake of Dallas and there will possibly be a Storage Wars: Dallas.
12:47 – Willard Scott on the Today show said a happy birthday from Smuckers and kicked it over to the Birthday Buddies in attendance: “This is Alfred Strong, Hazard, Kentucky, 100 years old, still drives.”
32:25 – Jah doesn’t know much about Hollywood, but he can tell you that the No. 1 problem in Hollywood was, and is, and always will be pedophilia. Nobody talks about it but it’s the big secret and it’s widespread. Corey Feldman, in an interview with ABC Primetime, said “There’s one person to blame in the death of Corey Haim, and that person happens to be a Hollywood mogul. That person needs to be exposed, but unfortunately I can’t be the one to do it. But the person who knows who did it and knows who he is is watching right now. I guarantee you.”
54:54 – Jah has been watching a lot of Law & Order, especially the years featuring Jeremy Sisto. In one recent episode he watched, a gallery owner got stoned to death in a Muslim hate crime.
18:15 – There’s a show that’s coming out this fall on ABC / Disney called Pan Am, which takes place in the 60s and focuses on the stewardesses and pilots. ABC has announced that none of the lead characters will be allowed to smoke cigarettes.
14:10 – Transgender kids are red-hot this week on television. Seth watched a mini doc on the Style Network called “Transgender Kids,” and then on ABC primetime Nightline he watched “My Kid Is Trangender.” One of the segments from the Style Network was actually from a documentary from 2008 called “Born In The Wrong Body.”
25:48 – Las Vegas Jailhouse on TruTV – a woman tells the booking agent, “I don’t have any priors,” and the guy replies, “You were here five hours ago.” She then tells them she has a tattoo of a cupcake on her ass because that’s her name, Cupcake. She tells them it’s on her butt so people can frost it.
26:55 – Just weeks after Fox has dropped America’s Most Wanted, creator/host John Walsh has a new home for the show on the Lifetime Network.
44:10 – Seth watched 20/20 this week. Current TV went to Indonesia to find the smoking baby, Aldi Rizal, and tracked him down a couple months ago. On 20/20 on Friday, they went and talked to him. He was wearing no shirt and shades just chilling like a baby Rick Ross. He’s 4 now and doesn’t smoke anymore, but his mother admitted she caught him doing it behind a hut the other day. Indonesian laws are crazy, and there’s no age limit to smoke and it costs $1 a pack. They advertise them the same way we did in the U.S. in the 1960s but they use modern-day technology to do so. They found another kid whose grandpa lit a cigarette up for him right when he woke up. The grandpa said it was OK as long as the 2-year-old washed it down with a bunch of coffee. There was a doctor who modified a cigarette – using a turkey baster filled with smoke and trying to pump the smoke into his patients.
10:11 – Seth saw a show on the History Channel called Scammed. They had a “short con” – 3 people. Husband and wife walk into a jewelry store, girl working there just started. They walk off to the side, get into an argument. While they’re arguing, the girl looks over but doesn’t want to get too involved. Meanwhile another man walks in to ask for a nice watch for his boss. The woman in the scam has already called ahead to see if they have a specific kind of Rolex because they have a fake that looks just like it. The man has that one in his pocket. All of a sudden the woman smacks the man and everyone looks that way. The third man makes the switcharoo and makes off with a $13,000 watch.
24:35 – Seth watched Planet Rock: Hip-Hop and the Crack Generation on VH1. It was a good documentary.
3:23 – Seth watched Dr. Phil and wants J-dawg to read something in his voice. Dr. Phil had a 4-year-old who weighed 114 pounds. He asked the mom why she was serving him the same size burrito as her and says, “You understand, he’s a miniature human. He is a miniature human, and he’s getting a real human-sized burrito.” There was another 14-year-old who weighed in at 555 pounds.
10:39 – Seth watched some TV this week. He has a three-part, 5 ½-hour documentary about prohibition by Ken Burns on PBS, then he as a two-part, 3 1/2-hour documentary about George Harrison by Martin Scorsese on HBO. … He also watched Dreamliner on CNBC about the Boeing 787 they built in Seattle and gave to an airline in Tokyo. It cost $23 billion to make.
56:34 – The Style Network has a show called Sperm Donor: 74 Kids and More. They profile a guy who was going through law school and needed money and loves busting nuts. He puts his donor number on the Sibling Donor Registry and now anyone can hit him up to reconnect. Seth’s worried about this dude getting murdered by one of his kids.
2:54 – Pete Wentz hosts a show about the 100 Greatest Songs of the 2000s, saying “The 2000s were all about having fun and cutting loose.” The No. 1 song was Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love,” while No. 2 was Outkast’s “Hey Ya.”
10:04 – Seth watched a documentary on CNBC called The Coffee Addiction. It’s the world’s favorite drug because it’s stimulating, euphoric, mildly addictive and habit forming. The doc followed the coffee beans from Peru to Starbucks.
17:27 – It was 80s Week on GMA this week. Sam Champion was talking about sporting those denim overalls back in the day, and he admitted that he would throw one of the straps back over the shoulder.
22:29 – Seth watched Ken Burns’ documentary on PBS on prohibition. He took in a lot of information. It went into effect in January of 1920. He mentioned that in the 1800s the age of sexual consent for a woman in the U.S. was 10 years old.
40:14 – Top Secret Recipe – Friday nights on CMT with Todd Wilbur. Todd is a professional food hacker. In the 80s he came across a chain letter claiming to be a top-secret recipe of Mrs. Field’s cookies. It wasn’t. In 1987 he began creating original clone replicas of America’s favorite foods. His website sells his books and posts new recipes. In Episode 1 he went undercover to find KFC’s original recipe. In Episode 2 he’s going to roll down to the Cinnabon HQ in Sandy Springs, Ga., and make their cinnamon roll. Jah would like to know why he likes the Jack n the Box spicy chicken sandwiches so much (Episode 032, 59:24).
9:55 – Seth watched CBS Sunday Morning and they did a story about pill mills in Florida. Palm Beach County Sheriff Rick Bradshaw talked about the use of prescription pills among teens. He said “the kids have a party and admission to the party – there’s a big bowl, and you drop pills in the bowl. Anytime during the party you just go over to the bowl and grab pills.”
36:24 – Tonight, Thursday Oct. 20 on Showtime, Seth is saying hello to season 2 of Gigolos. The slogan: “Let’s go again.” … and, on CMT, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team 6
6:27 – Seth watched Million Dollar Mind Game on ABC, a game show on Sunday afternoon at 2 p.m. It was based on the hit Russian game show What? Where? When? The host is Vernon Kay from the U.K. One of the questions was, “Often found at airports or at the beach, they’ve been around for thousands of years even though their name still implies they’re new. Thanks to modern technology, thousands of them can fit in the palm of your hand.”
15:51 – Todd Wilbur showed Seth how to make a Bloomin’ Onion from Outback Steakhouse on Top Secret Recipe and now Seth is on the verge of going to Burbank to get one. There’s a Cinnabon .6 miles away from it, so it looks like Seth knows what he’s doing on Sunday.
31:06 – Satellite service DirecTV will premiere a new British TV series on its Audience Network in February 2012. The show stars Chloe Sevigny as a contract assassin who also happens to be a pre-op transsexual named Mia. When Mia learns she has a son by a former girlfriend who is now dying with cancer, she is forced to mix her killer instincts with her newly formed maternal ones.
36:29 – Seth reads another Million Dollar Mind Game question: “There’s a certain group known to stop people in the streets of Virginia and hand them printed materials. The materials are given away freely but have raised tens of millions of dollars for that state’s literacy fund. Can you identify these materials?”
2:35 – The Hallmark Channel is having a “Countdown to Christmas” with more hours of holiday-themed programming than any other network. Seth reads off descriptions of 13 shitty Christmas movies: Love’s Christmas Journey, Mistletoe Over Manhattan, Lucky Christmas, Cancel Christmas, The Case For Christmas, A Christmas Wish, Trading Christmas, Holiday Engagement, A Princess For Christmas, Annie Claus is Coming To Town, The Christmas Pageant, Christmas Comes To Canaan and Christmas Magic.
8:33 – Million Dollar Mind Game on ABC was back this week. A question: “Pretend I’m holding a small black box in my hand. What is in this black box that can prove that 9 + 8 = 5 and 7 + 11 = 6?” The answer is a clock. Another question: “To succeed in this job, professionals need to think inside the box and make the ‘invisible visible,’ according to a famous one. They pull on ropes and they deal with strong winds, but you won’t hear them complain about it.” The answer is mimes.
36:33 – Seth watched Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and enjoyed an interview with Brittany from San Juan, Texas. The question is, “Do you know the party of our president?” The girl looks at them with the deadest-eyed stare. She says, “No.” They ask her, “Do you know what a political party is?” She gets all flustered and admits, “No.” Later, in her confessional: “I know, it’s Democrat, or, …. Grrrr!” and gets frustrated. The next day they have solo dance performances, and she gets freaky. She says, “Today definitely made up for yesterday’s interview. I feel a lot more better.”
45:13 – On Sunday, Nov. 13 on TLC, there will be a new show called All-American Muslim. Welcome to Dearborn, Michigan, where 33,000 of the city’s 100,000 residents are of Arab descent. It’s one nation under suspicion. … Tuesday, Nov. 15 on NatGeo, it’s Knights of Mayhem – full-contact extreme jousting.
50:30 – The Today Show tells Seth about surgical fires – where you’re on fire during surgery because elements of alcohol preparation, oxygen and any sort of electrical cauterizing device can blow your ass up.
10:04 – Seth reads a question from this week’s Million Dollar Mind Game: “It’s the biggest retail chain of its kind and it has the same name as a mode of transportation. Their chief product is named after a completely different mode of transportation.” The answer is Subway.
24:33 – 20th Century Fox is making a serious awards season marketing push for Andy Serkis as Best Supporting Actor for playing Caesar, the hyper-intelligent chimp, in this summer’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The actor also played Gollum and King Kong using motion-capture technology.
56:28 – Todd Wilbur is going to try to crack Dippin’ Dots on Top Secret Recipe.
28:24 - VH1 Classic just broke out an 11-part series called Metal Evolution
39:17 - Jerry Seinfeld did some stand-up on Letterman and got a standing ovation for some of his wack comedy: "I mean, these cell phones! Star 69? That's the number they picked for this thing? (Episode 036, 9:12) … Cialis? The announcer says call your doctor if you have an erection lasting 4 hours? Yeah, I think I knew that already!"
40:49 - Robin Williams did some stand-up on The Tonight Show. He did black guy, then he did Elvis, then he does elderly man, then chimpanzee, then a bird, then Anne Frank, then Quasimoto, then French paparazzo, French cat, French waiter, then he reads a Nigerian scam e-mail from his phone that takes him a minute to find. He then does Clarence Thomas, Rick Perry, Rain Man, then the two of them talk about how excited they are that Billy Crystal is hosting the Oscars. Then he does Jack Nicholson, Buddha, Freud, 3D Porn, then Sofia Vergara.
44:19 - Selling LA on HGTV is Seth and Jah's new favorite show. It's real estate agents selling the craziest SoCal houses you've ever seen in your life and the craziest richest people trying to buy them.
16:25 – Thursday, Dec. 1 at 10 p.m. – the premiere of Weed Wars on Discovery Channel. Go inside the world’s largest medican cannabis dispensary, Oakland’s Harborside Health Center. It’s open 365 days a year, 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.
24:57 – Tuesday, Dec. 6 at 10 p.m.on the Discovery Channel – Moonshiners. It will have another episode on Wednesday, which will be its regular timeslot. We’ll meet Tim the Moonshiner, Tickle the Sidekick, Jesse the Law, and will be introduced to late great Appalachian moonshiner “Popcorn” Marvin Sutton. To avoid a prison term at the age of 62, he committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.
28:32 – Liev Schreiber signed a deal to star in a drama pilot for Showtime. During his negotiations with Showtime, HBO decided to not renew his deal as a voice guy for HBO Sports despite the fact that he’s been doing it for 16 years.
31:44 – HBO’s Paradise Lost 3 on Thursday, Jan. 12
37:17 – Dick Clark hosted a series of seven specials called TV Bloopers on NBC from 1981-1984. That morphed into TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes on NBC from 1984-1988. This fall, Dick Clark Productions is bringing back the franchise with Bloopers – a new half-hour syndicated series.
38:32 – Tuesday, Jan. 3 at 8:30 p.m. on ABC – the series premiere of Work It. Kind of like Bosom Buddes, which ran for two seasons (80-81 and 81-82) on ABC.
39:56 – Tuesday, Jan. 3 at 9 p.m. on ABC – Celebrity Wife Swap with Gary Busey and Ted Haggard. On Wednesday, Jan. 4, switch over to CBS at 8 pm.. for I Get That A Lot with Pamela Anderson working at a Victoria’s Secret, Jerry Springer behind the counter at an Italian deli and Dr. Drew working at a LensCrafters.
52:25 – Moonshiners on Discovery is Seth’s jam.
11:09 – The 38th People’s Choice Awards, honoring the very best in popular American culture for 2011, will be broadcast live from the Nokia Theater in downtown LA on CBS on Wednesday, Jan. 11, hosted by The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco. For the category Favorite Male Comedic Actor, the finalists are Adam Sandler for Just Go With It, Ashton Kutcher for No Strings Attached, Bradley Cooper for [The Hangover: Part II, Ryan Reynolds for The Change-Up and Steve Carell for Crazy Stupid Love. For favorite band, the nominees are: Maroon 5, Coldplay, Foo Fighters, Linkin Park and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
22:55 – Oprah’s Next Chapter – she went to Steven Tyler’s lakefront home in Lake Sunapee, N.H., and they got down to brass-tacks, nuts-and-bolts. They talked about “energy charges” and “receptors,” etc.
31:50 – Thursday, Jan. 12, 9 p.m., Animal Planet, a six-episode series: Snake Men of Appalachia. This follows the lives of the Shorts, an extraordinary Appalachian family with deep roots in the serpent handling religion. The series captures the family’s every-day life as they struggle to escape the grinding poverty of eastern Kentucky mountain life while still remaining true to their roots. Together, parents Verlon and Reva are raising two daughters – 16-year-old Denishia and 13-year-old Petey and 8-year-old twin boys, Jeremiah and McKenzie. Verlon attends serpent-handling churches, disappears into the mountains for snake hunts and keeps more than 40 rattlesnakes and copperheads for use in religious services. Reva hates snakes and doesn’t want to be anywhere near them – another struggle for the Shorts and their quest to survive in the mountains of Kentucky.
4:54 – John Quiñones returns next Friday, Jan. 20 for What Would You Do? The website says “Get ready to laugh and cry.”
17:42 – Drugs Inc. on NatGeo: They did crack and hash. In Florida they tried to bust some dude but they couldn’t bust down the door because each door has to be tornado regulated. They just did ecstacy, this week they’re doing hallucinogens and then ketamine. They talk to a DEA agent who claims he absorbed about 1,000 hits of LSD and was hanging onto his reality by a thread.
48:33 – The Lifetime Network trifecta of Saturday night movies. Last Saturday he watched Walking the Halls about popular girls at a LA high school and the security guard dating one of the 17-year-old girls and hooking her friends up with rich clientele at the club. They make sweet coin off it, though. Tomorrow night, Seth will watch Sexting in Suburbia. Rachel and Dina have a close mother-daughter relationship. Dina commits suicide, and Rachel’s search for answers leads her to some painful discoveries about the secrets she was trying to keep and the bullying that was tearing her apart. It helps her understand the pain when a naked picture intended for her boyfriend goes viral. … Next Saturday, it will be Drew Peterson: Untouchable, starring Rob Lowe in a true story about charming Chicago police officer Drew Peterson, who keeps killing wives and getting away with it.
52:46 – First Week In on Discovery features three first-time inmates on their first week in jail. There’s a dude in Tulsa who’s in on $1,000 dollar bond and can’t come through with the $100. … There’s a guy in Denver who goes apeshit on a female officer and gets put in solitary. He needs his Bible, but then three days later he gives up on God.
1:09:23 – Seth watched CNBC’s Customer Disservice, a documentary that explains why 1-800 numbers can be so frustrating in these tough economic times. A call center in Bangalore was bananas.
16:52 – Seth watched Drugs Inc. on NatGeo. An agent was undercover as a biker in what they call the Psychedelic Triangle (Santa Cruz – Berkeley – The Haight) and had long hair and a beard. He shaves quickly and nicks up his face and neck, and then they went into the lab to break it down and the hallucinogenic drugs were seeping through his open wounds.
21:08 – Seth watched Season 11 American Idol and Randy Jackson said, “Do people say that you can sing?”
37:44 – ABC has canceled Work It, Seth’s favorite buddy show, after two episodes.
1:03:38 – In the first episode of the 2007 Fox reality show The Academy, which followed a class of Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department recruits, Henry Marin was portrayed as the class bumbler. On the first day he was caught by his supervisor dozing during orientation. “If he doesn’t have the discipline to come here on Day 1 and show some respect,” says one drill instructor on the show, “then he’s certainly not going to have the discipline to work in the field of law enforcement.” In another episode the deputy has a wardrobe malfunction. “What is wrong with you, recruit?” his drill sergeant shouts. “Your tie’s on backwards on top of your collar. You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Henry Marin’s subpar performance eventually led to his ouster from Academy Class 355 for flunking two role-playing exercises. In one he failed to call for help after a suicidal woman brandished a gun and he was unable to recall the radio code for an emergency. “You blew this one bigtime,” his instructor said. After he failed his second scenario, Marin was dismissed from the academy. “You seem to have no knowledge or understanding of the laws that guide you or allow you to do certain things,” a sergeant tells him on the show when he was let go. “Marin successfully fought to be reallowed in to enroll in a later academy, where he finally successfully graduated,” a department spokesman said. “He certainly wasn’t one of our best.” Earlier this week, Marin was charged in connection with a scheme to smuggle heroin hidden inside of a bean and cheese burrito into a LA courthouse jail. He pleaded guilty at the scene after surrounding to deputies at the sheriff’s south LA station.
15:11 – March 11 on Bravo, brought to us by Ryan Seacrest, the premiere of Shahs of Sunset, a new reality series about 6 young Persian American friends living, laughing, learning and loving in Los Angeles.
30:14 – 20/20 had a story on cruise ships. Apparently below the water, the crew quarters get rowdy. Open bar, after hours, late night, underwater sex orgies.
35:01 – Drugs Inc. did ketamine. It’s never a good sign when you see that it was developed as a battlefield anesthetic in Vietnam. It shuts off the nervous system so there’s a complete disconnect and you enter into another dimension.
5:51 – Seth was watching a Frontline episode from 2005 called “The Meth Epidemic” featuring new content. Seth salutes UYD hero of the week Deputy Brett King, who invented Faces of Meth.
24:38 – Seth recaps another What Would You Do?. He notices that they don’t let acts get drawn out and get super uncomfortable. When they start getting mildly uncomfortable, Quiñones runs in to spoil it. There were two young potential models having lunch together and there was a creepy photographer guy asking them if they ever thought about modeling. His studio was in his basement around the corner. He said he would e-mail their photos to Los Angeles. They were trying to see if the people in the tables near them would intervene. One table told them he seemed a little creepy, and the girls were like, “No he seems really nice.”
41:37 – Saturday, Feb. 11 on A&E – the 5th season premiere of Parking Wars. The show will be expanded to Providence, R.I. The town was originally designed for horse and buggy traffic, so parking in this city is known for being one of the worst experiences ever.
16:40 – NatGeo’s Doomsday Preppers is about Americans who have taken extreme measures to prepare for civilization’s collapse. They profile a dude who thinks a solar flare is going to cause an electromagnetic pulse that will shut down the electric grid. Another couple thinks the north-south magnetic polar shift will cause widespread geological chaos. Some others believe food will be the only currency. Then there are “black swan” events that could be anything. NatGeo conducted an online survey and found that 61% of Americans believe the country will experience a major catastrophic event in the next 20 years.
3:32 – Wednesday, Feb. 22 on NatGeo, the new series premiere of American Weed follows the Stanley brothers in Fort Collins, Colo.
54:50 – All Seth has is Bait Car and reruns of Cops from the 90s. That’s all that’s left that’s real anymore. Even What Would You Do? is bullshit.
24:02 – Seth saw LA Street Racers on NatGeo. He was inspired to race on the street and put $1,200 on some fool.
26:53 – Seth watches NBC, which used to have some great shows. It started with Whitney, featuring a hungover friend who said, “I think Jack Daniels is a racist, ‘cause he does not get along with José Cuervo.” Then there was the Chelsea show at 8:30 which is all-time cray. It wrapped up with Jay Leno’s stale monologue on The Tonight Show: “Here’s an odd story – In Sacramento, California, a naked man was arrested while looking for a job in a welding shop. Walks in naked. They think he was high on meth. You know you gotta be pretty high to go look for a job naked. And you have to be really high to go look for a welding job naked. … A group of advisers to the FDA have recommended the approval of a new inhaler for treating smoker’s cough. They say if you want to get rid of smoker’s cough, you’d use the inhaler twice a day – OR YOU COULD JUST QUIT SMOKING, MORON!” … Researchers from the University of Kansas are asking for FDA approval for human testing of a new male contraception bill. A birth control pill for men. Women, are you going to trust a guy to take a pill every day? Guys can’t even remember to put the toilet seat down!” Leno then brings Rob Schneider out to do stand-up. He comes out on stage to thunderous applause. “You know it’s tough out there. Especially out in California. People can’t afford to get divorced and they can’t sell their homes. They’re stuck having to live together. That’s gotta suck. What’s that like? ‘That’s it honey, I’m not taking that crap from you anymore! I’m moving …. Downstairs!” The crowd was elated, dying with laughter.
39:18 – This Sunday, March 11, if you want to see Amir Yaghmai on television, he and Sunny are appearing on Bravo’s Shahs of Sunset.
40:26 – Wednesday, March 7 at 10 p.m. on Discovery – three episodes of Doomsday Bunkers
16:36 – This Thursday night, March 15 on VH1 – Behind the Music: Pitbull. The show has also profiled Smashmouth, Pink, the Goo Goo Dolls, Nick Lachey, Matchbox 20, Everclear, Barenaked Ladies and Creed. …. Monday night, March 12 on NatGeo – a six-episode series Navajo Cops based on the one-off show from May 2011. The first episode is entitled “Skinwalkers.” Navajo believe that a skinwalker (yee naaldlooshii) is a person with the supernatural ability to turn into any animal he or she desires.
21:21 – Jah can’t find Amir on the trailer for Shahs of Sunset although he has been told he appears in it.
10:04 – This coming Wednesday, we have a premiere on NBC. It’s a sitcom called Bent starring Amanda Peet and David Walton. Walton is 33 years old. In 2004 he starred on a Fox sitcom called Cracking Up that was canceled after 6 episodes. He was noticed by executives at NBC. He starred on a 2006 NBC show called Heist, canceled after 5 episodes. In 2008 NBC called again, putting him in the lead of a new show called Quarter-Life, which was canceled after 6 episodes. He came back stronger than ever in 2010, when NBC cast him as the lead in 100 Questions, which was canceled after 6 episodes. NBC then put him in the lead role of Perfect Couples, canceled after 11 episodes. This Wednesday we’ll try it again.
15:22 – TMZ Live on Fox 11 brings you inside and bounces you around to all the cohorts. They had Brad Pitt driving Angie and the kids in a beige Dodge Caravan, and Seth was forced to turn the TV off and take a walk.
46:03 – Seth got to see Sunny and Amir in high-definition in Jogger’s studio on Shahs of Sunset.
11:26 – Seth watched VH1’s Behind The Music with Armando Christian Perez, aka Pitbull. He revealed, “When you talk about a pit bull, it has a very fierce reputation, but if you know about a pit bull, it’s a very very loving and loyal dog. Just like everything, it depends on how it’s raised. When you speak about it, it doesn’t understand the word ‘lose.’ It doesn’t understand ‘give up.’ It doesn’t understand ‘quit.’ So when it fights, it fights to the death. But it feels like it’s fighting for something, and who is it fighting for? Its owner. Well my owner is life, and that’s what I fight for.”
12:14 – This Thursday, March 29, is Behind the Music with T-Pain.
24:07 – Brooklyn 11223 – Jersey Shore is played out. These are the real Italians in Graves End, Coney Island, Bay Ridge.
24:54 – Jonathan’s new favorite show is Duck Dynasty.
25:50 – Seth reads off a list of crazy reality shows.
27:03 – J-Lo and Skeletor have a new show called Q’Viva, a Latin American talent show.
12:43 – Seth watched the 2012 Kids Choice Awards on Nickelodeon. They’re still green sliming everybody. The show was hosted by Will Smith, who was mentioning some people who would “pump up” a tween crowd. Names like Taylor Swift and … Halle Berry?
19:34 – Jonathan and Seth watched one of the best half-hours of television of 2012. Jonathan remembers having to leave the room at one point to lay down in the hall to collect his thoughts. It’s called Celebrity House Hunting on Bio, and it was Corey Feldman looking at three houses
45:41 – Baggage Battles on the Travel Channel premieres Wednesday night at 10 p.m.
47:11 – Seth reads off a bunch more crazy faux-reality shows
8:15 – When Seth arrogantly said Cops would be on forever, Jah sat him down. Now Seth is reading an article where they’re going to scale back Season 25 and in the next 32 Saturday nights there will only be a few episodes. There’s a petition going around to get 100,000 signatures and it’s been up for two weeks and has less than 4,000 signatures.
26:12 – Dateline NBC had an episode with kids about “stranger danger.” The kids are still falling for the ice cream truck gag.
27:51 – John Quiñones takes What Would You Do? down to South Padre Island. They wanted to see what would happen if creeper actors came onto drunk girls at the bar. Time and again, a real-life creeper was already onto them before they could even send the actor in asking them if they wanted breakfast in the morning. He later said “I wasn’t being sinister.”
1:13:15 – Amanda de Cadenet has a show on Lifetime, The Conversation. She asks every single one of her guests what their favorite sexual position is.
7:18 – A new show is getting developed at HBO. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are teaming up to play partners in a detective drama.
13:10 – Seth watched a PBS special on Jesse Owens and the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, hosted by Mr. Hitler. They interviewed a guy who told a pretty crazy story that Seth isn’t sure if he believes. His name is Louis Zamperini, who ran the marathon in those Olympics. He’s from Torrance and is Italian. He went to USC and made the Olympic team. He gained 12 pounds on the cruise over the ocean to Germany. He finished 8th in the event. He claims he finished the race really strong and Hitler wanted to meet him. He climbed up a flagpole and stole Hitler’s personal flag from the Olympics. He was in WWII, survived a plane crash in which 8 of the 11 people died upon impact. He and 2 other guys survived at sea on rainwater and captured fish. After 37 days, one of the guys died. Ten days later they got rescued by a Japanese fishing crew, and he was tortured every day for a couple years. He was declared dead but then ended up back in the States. … He claimed that during the opening ceremony of the Olympics, they released 25,000 pigeons over the coliseum, then shot a cannon and all the pigeons simultaneously took a shit on everybody. The guys had straw hats, but the ladies didn’t have that so the pigeons took a shit on Hitler’s Olympics.
54:09 – In a recent episode of Bait Car, they arrived at a chop shop in a house and realized all the cars were stolen. They said they needed to get in and arrest them. The first guy goes off on the cops. The second guy’s fingerprint is confirmed too. The third guy is saying he was just there with a female, but he said it was ok and he would go to jail because the female did him so right. They ran his fingerprint and he was totally cool. They brought the girl out and she was 15, and he was pissed off and got handcuffed and taken in for statutory charges.
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