View TV Picks
56:11 – Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on Monday and Tuesday night
57:10 – National Geographic Explorer – MS-13 gang; Front Lines – Crystal Meth
34:30 – Tuesday night, Feb. 21, HBO’s American Undercover looks into the underground dog trade
2:07 – Fresh episodes of COPS tomorrow, Saturday, 8 p.m. After COPS, America’s Most Wanted – which is up to 878 captures
5:40 – Black-White on F/X is the TV Pick of the Month. Other reality shows premiering this week: Lil’ Kim’s Countdown To Lockdown on BET; Top Chef on Bravo, hosted by Billy Joel’s wife; Cheerleader Nation on Lifetime; Eighth and Ocean on MTV (models in Miami); Miracle Workers – Home Edition for Medical Maladies; Pros Vs. Joes on Spike TV; and I Love Toys top 100 countdown on VH1; and (not reality but) Joey is back on Tuesday night. To take it old school, on Monday morning March 6, 5:30 a.m. on WGN, you get a Happy Days with Tom Hanks playing a karate instructor, you go back to bed and at 9:30 a.m. on TV Land you get the 1969 pilot episode of The Brady Bunch, entitled “The Honeymoon.”
38:43 – VH1’s Supergroup began filming on Wednesday: Ted Nugent, Sebastian Bach, Scott Ian, Jason Bonham and Evan Seinfeld. Jah: “Jason Bonham’s the worst. Scott Ian – whatevs. Sebastian Bach is awesome, but in a if-you-interviewed-the-old-American-Gladiators-sort-of-way. And Ted Nugent is the worst. I don’t know who Evan Seinfeld is.”
14:18 – Surreal Life 6 stars Smashmouth’s Steve Harwell, Andrea Lowell, Maven Huffman, Sherman Hemsley, Alexis Arquette, Tawny Kitaen, an undisclosed TV hunk that will be voted on by cast members and C.C. Deville.
35:26 – Black-White, Wednesdays, F/X, 10 p.m.
8:28 – Tuesday night, Bravo, 9 p.m. – Jonathan Antin is back with Blowout; Jah’s favorite show, Wonder Showzen is coming back March 31
5:21 – Friday, March 31, 6:30 p.m., MTV2 – Wonder Showzen; CBS is going to do a new rock-themed show, Rock Star: Supernova, a band that will consist of Tommy Lee on drums, Jason Newsted on bass and Gilby Clark on lead guitar.
27:47 – Seth was watching 60 Minutes this week, which featured children born from sperm donation. There was a lesbian couple in San Diego that got some sperm, there was a single woman who got some sperm. It turns out that at a play date they found out they went to the same fertility clinic in San Diego. One asked the other who their donor was; it was “48QAH,” and they reply “We got 48QAH!” “QAH” stood for “Quite A Hunk,” because it was a handsome young man in Ann Arbor, Mich., trying to pay his way through medical school. Both couples picked him because he seemed like a sensitive guy. It turns out that these people on the play date have kids who are now half-sisters. This woman started something called the Donor Sibling Registry where you can go in and look for siblings. They have 20,000 people on this one site. There is one guy who has fathered 20 kids just on this registry. They interview this guy (48QAH), who is a handsome pediatrician with a beautiful wife in Michigan. He said when he was doing this he thought about the fact he would have kids but didn’t give it that much thought. He donated 150-200 times. What Seth was thinking was one of this guy’s sons will find him and kill him somewhere down the road.
14:57 – King of Cars on A&E this week, starring “Chop”
16:19 – On Thursday April 8, HBO is airing a documentary titled All Aboard starring Rosie O’Donnell and her family on a 7-day Caribbean gay cruise; The Brady Bunch episode “Adios, Johnny Bravo”
37:19 – April 22 is Earth Day. To celebrate, HBO will air Too Hot Not To Handle with Larry David’s wife, Laurie at 7 p.m.; on Lifetime at 7 p.m. on April 22 will be a short version of the film Searching For Angela Shelton; at 4:35 a.m. on April 22 HBO will broadcast Living Dolls
8:18 – Wednesday, April 26 at 9 p.m. – Dateline NBC – To Catch A Predator 4
10:55 – Jah is in bad books for yet again not watching TV picks. TCAP will be in Florida again next week, on Wednesday at 9 p.m.; ABC, Monday, May 15, 8 p.m. – Oprah Winfrey’s Legends Ball; Tuesday, May 16, 8 p.m., ABC – Celebrity Debut, hosted by the Notorious B.A.G. (Brian Austin Green); and Saturday, May 20, FOX, 8:30 p.m. – the 650th episode of COPS
41:07 – Sunday night, May 21, 10-11 p.m. on VH1, Supergroup with Ted Nugent, Sebastian Bach, Scott Ian, Jason Bonham and Evan Seinfeld (Episode 004, 38:43) … all this week, 9 p.m., VH1 – Heavy: The Story of Heavy Metal … Tuesday night, May 23, 8-11 p.m. on CBS, 41st Academy of Country Music Awards … Sunday night 9-11 p.m. and concluding Tuesday night 9-11 p.m. on NBC, 10.5 Apocalypse
34:12 – Seth forgot to plug Baghdad ER on HBO. In defense of that, he plugs the PBS Frontline series, which is doing a 25th anniversary of the first diagnosis of AIDS cases – Tuesday, May 30 and Wednesday, May 31 from 9 to 11 p.m. … On CBS, The Game Show TV Marathon – Wednesday and Thursday night at 8 p.m., hosted by Ricki Lake.
39:01 –Third season premiere of Rescue Me on Tuesday night; Thursday on ABC from 8 to 10 p.m. – 2006 Scripps National Spelling Bee
8:36 – Monday, June 5, 10 p.m. – HBO’s America Undercover: Plastic Disasters; Wednesday, June 7, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central: Dog Bites Man starring Jah’s comedian friend Zach Galifianakis; Sunday, June 11, 10 p.m., final season of Deadwood
8:07 – Seth and Jonathan reference watching Plastic Disasters on HBO (Episode 017, 8:36) and didn’t think it was “off the Richter” as much as they wanted it to be. They mention Lucille, who had a face lift, a nose job and rhinoplasty, then went bananas and developed Body Dismorphic Disorder, which is also one of Seth’s Ailments.
31:49 – Seth let us know about the four-part series Metal, and is now letting us know about VH1’s 4-part series called The Drug Years that will air Monday-Thursday from 9 to 10 p.m. Episode 1: “Break On Through;” Episode 2: “Feed Your Head;” Episode 3: “Just Say No;” and Episode 4: “Teenage Wasteland.”
21:10 – Tuesday night, June 20, HBO, 10 to 11 p.m. on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel: “A Game of Years: The San Quentin Baseball Team” … Thursday night, June 22, TCM, 8 to 9:30 p.m.: Documentary on Billy Wilder … Saturday night, June 24, Oxygen, first original movie is on from 8 to 10 p.m.: Banshee starring Taryn Manning as Sage, a car thief who has stolen a Dodge Charger which belongs to a DJ/serial killer.
34:45 – Thursday, June 29, History Channel, 10 p.m.: American Eats: The Food That Built America: “Pizza” … Also Thursday, Season 2 of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, 10 p.m. on F/X … Thursday, HBO, 9 p.m., Big Hits, Bombs and Blockbusters.
36:18 – Wednesday, July 5, Rock Star: Supernova, featuring Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clark, 8 p.m. on CBS.
45:37 – Saturday night on Hallmark Channel from 9 to 11 p.m.: Wild Hearts starring John Boy from The Waltons and Jo from The Facts of Life. Jogger scored the music for this awful film. … Sunday, July 9, Reno 911 is back, as well as the lost episodes of The Chappelle Show
10:55 – Saturday night on NBC, 8 to 11 p.m. – Miami Vice Undercover: they show the two-hour pilot from 1984 and bring the boys in to talk about the show; Shark Week is coming up on the Discovery Channel; Wednesday, July 26, F/X, Season 2 premiere of 30 Days with Morgan Spurlock.
58:20 – TV Guide Channel, Friday, Aug. 4, 8 p.m. – Trapped In TV Guide, hosted by Growing Pains actor Tracey Gold. With hidden cameras, an unsuspecting person is caught in the middle of their very own iconic television sitcom situation.
23:22 – TV non-pick: A&E, Monday night, 10 and 10:30 p.m., Gene Simmons Family Jewels
37:38 – Tuesday night, Aug. 15, 2 hours, NBC, Miss Teen USA 2006; next Sunday night, Aug. 20, 8 to 10 p.m. on FOX, 2006 Teen Choice Awards; at 10 p.m., switch over to Comedy Central for the 90-minute roast of William Shatner.
26:50 – Monday, Aug. 21, Part I (Acts I & II), 9 to 11 p.m. and Tuesday, Aug. 22, Part II (Acts 3 & 4), 9 to 11 p.m., Spike Lee’s When The Levees Broke: A Requiem In Four Acts on HBO; Friday, Aug. 25 on HBO, the 5th Season premiere of Real Time with Bill Maher; and Sunday, Aug. 27, the Emmys hosted by Conan O’Brien.
23:14 – Celebrity Duets on Tuesday night, featuring the following celebrities: Cheech Marin, Lucy Lawless, Alfonso Ribeiro, Hal Sparks, Leah Thompson, Jai Rodriguez, Carly Patterson and Chris Jericho; and the following pros: Smokey Robinson, Cindy Lauper, Richard Marx, Randy Travis, Dionne Warwick, Brian McKnight, Patti Labelle, Chaka Khan, Aaron Neville, Clint Black, Kenny Loggins and Michael Bolton.
29:10 – Wednesday night, Aug. 30, 20/20’s Elizabeth Vargas is hosting a show called Last Days On Earth, a show that discusses the 8 things that could kill us in the next few years (black holes, artificial intelligence, giant asteroids, super volcanoes, nuclear war, climate change, new crazy diseases); and Thursday night, Aug. 31, MTV Video Music Awards hosted by Jack Black
10:43 – Monday night, Sept. 4, NBC: Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Diff’rent Strokes, with Bobby J playing Gary Coleman; Tuesday, Sept. 5, ABC: The View with the premiere of Rosie O’Donnell; also Tuesday, 6:30 p.m., The CBS Evening News with the premiere of Katie Couric; also Tuesday, 10 p.m. on F/X: Nip/Tuck; next Sunday, Sept. 10, 8 p.m. on FOX, Season 18 of The Simpsons.
8:23 – The 35th season premiere of The Price Is Right is on Monday, Sept. 18 at 11 a.m. 83-year-old vegetarian host Bob Barker returns; Megan Mulally is starting her own talk show, Square Off, on Monday afternoon (CYLL); Julia-Louise Dreyfuss is debuting The New Adventures of Old Christine at 9:30 p.m. on CBS; jump over to NBC for Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip; Tuesday, Boston Legal on CBS; Wednesday and Thursday, 9 to 11 p.m., PBS, American Masters Series: Andy Warhol, directed by Rick Burns; Thursday night, James Woods’ Shark, 10 p.m. on CBS.
18:07 – Monday night Sept. 25, ESPN Monday Night Football, Saints vs. Falcons at the Superdome; Tuesday night, HBO, Wait ‘Til Next Year: The Saga of the Chicago Cubs at 10 p.m.; also Tuesday night, ABC, 9:30 p.m.: Help Me Help You starring Ted Danson; and the 32nd season premier of Saturday Night Live on Saturday, Sept. 30, with Dane Cook as host and The Killers as musical guests.
37:04 – House of Carters debuted and it is on between the two brothers; Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team started last week on CMT – this is Seth’s favorite show; Fashion House is not a TV pick – Jah thought it was a VHS porn at first; I Pity The Fool starring Mr. T is on TV Land Wednesday night at 10 p.m.; CSI Thursday night, 9 p.m., features Kevin Federline.
12:18 – Lisa Ling doing a National Geographic Explorer profile on The World’s Most Dangerous Drug, crystal meth, on Wednesday at 5 and 8 p.m. on National Geographic; Oct. 21, Comedy Central, When The Leaves Blow Away, an hour-long comedy special by Steven Wright; Sunday night, Season 2 premiere of Breaking Bonaduce with Danny Bonaduce, who is about as played out as meth.
38:26 – Friday, Oct. 27, 8 to 9 p.m., ABC, The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
29:56 – Two TV picks this week, both reality shows. The first is the longest-running reality show on television. Jah doesn’t know it until Seth gives him the hint “Inner Circle.” COPS returns Saturday night, Nov. 25 at 8 p.m. with “Bad Girls: Special Edition #10,” when an 18-year-old prostitute gets tasered by her pimp. TV’s second-longest reality show is also back on with Season 18 of The Real World in Denver, Colo. Jah then talks about a Girls Gone Wild Real World where former cast members go out and tell girls to show them their tits.
19:48 – There are eight reality TV shows premiering this week: Monday, Jan. 1, 2007, High Maintenance 90210; Sunday on HGTV, CYLL for Meet the Begleys; also Sunday, 8 p.m., NBC, Grease: You’re the One That I Want, 9 p.m., VH1, Surreal Life: Fame Games; 10 p.m. on Sunday, MTV, I’m From Rolling Stone; Monday, VH1, I’m From New York; and Ego Trip’s White Rapper Show with MC Search from Third Base on VH1; on Lifetime, Gay, Straight or Taken.
29:09 – NBC ordered some pilots; they’re going to do a remake of The Bionic Woman; Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune were both picked up through the 2011-2012 TV seasons. Pat and Vanna are entering their 24th season, while Alex Trebeck is starting his 23rd season. They once had an April Fool’s edition when they switched shows. Armed and Famous (Wednesday, 8 p.m., CBS) had an incident in which Erik Estrada got into a shouting match with a stabbed dude in an ambulance because the guy was calling him Emilio Estevez; Sunday night, Jan. 14, two Season 2 premieres on HBO: at 9 p.m., the final season of Rome amd at 10 p.m. Ricky Gervais’ Extras; lastly, a show on the Biography channel, Final 24 will feature episode 2, River Phoenix; and CYLL on this one – the only reality show they failed to mention last week but by far the best one, VH1’s Shooting Sizemore.
22:32 – On Thursday, Jan. 18, Stephen Colbert will appear on The O’Reilly Factor and later that night Bill O’Reilly will appear on The Colbert Report.
57:09 – Seth was pissed when they canceled Joey. He was excited because Joey had a date coming up but then the show never came back on and Joey never got his date with that waitress that he met at Jamba Juice in that crazy episode called “Joey Goes to Jamba Juice.”
38:00 – Monday night, Feb. 5, 10:30 p.m. on E!, The Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Mitch Hedberg; Tuesday night, TCAP, 8 p.m.; 10 p.m. on HBO – Bastards at the Party, the history of gangs in Los Angeles; Wednesday, Feb. 7, CYLL, TV Land, Episode #100 of The Brady Bunch, “Peter and the Wolf”; Saturday night, 11 p.m. on HBO: Cathouse. Also, 2.4 million people watched the Miss America Pageant. In 1960 85 million watched it.
33:56 – Friday night, 11 p.m., HBO, Real Time With Bill Maher; Saturday night, 8 p.m., FOX, COPS: Tough Takedowns; 9 p.m. on FOX, America’s Most Wanted: Sexual Predators; Sunday night, CYLL on Fox News, The Half Hour News Hour.
42:30 – Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? hosted by Jeff Foxworthy on FOX; Spike TV has teamed up with the IFOCE to broadcast 3 events this year, starting with the St. Patrick’s Day Chowdown in Savannah, Ga.; Last Call With Carson Daly all this week is celebrating 5 years on the air; The Agency series premiere, Tuesday night, 10 p.m., VH1, featuring agents at the Wilhelmina Modeling Agency
36:24 – Beckham and Posh are coming to Los Angeles. The creators of American Idol will team up with NBC for a 6-part reality show about their arriving in Los Angeles. … Seth gives a wrap-up of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? The questions were impossible. Foxworthy kept talking to the child actors on the show and saying things like “You look like you forgot your bookbag,” “You look like you lost your locker combination,” “You look like you don’t have any lunch money.” A dude from Boston who was dumb as shit got on there and said he would buy a camouflaged Lamborghini if he won the prize money
39:21 – Vincent Pastore had to drop out of Dancing With The Stars; ABC is doing a pilot based on the Geico caveman commercials – they’re in modern-day Atlanta battling caveman prejudices; Seth loves Maui Fever but now he’s down with The Agency on VH1 (CYLL); VH1 also has Australia’s Next Top Model on Monday nights from 10 to 11:30 p.m.
46:07 - More of Seth's wrap-up from Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Foxworthy asks the Masshole "How many E's are in the phrase: PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE?" The dude keeps going, "OK, 'the' is one..." Foxworthy gets up in his grill and keeps repeating it, and the Masshole finally figures it out.
43:28 – Shaquille O’Neal will have a 6-episode reality show for ABC this summer, focused on fighting childhood obesity. … Larry King Live, Monday afternoon, guest Bill Maher … Paradise City – new reality show about young people finding life and love in Las Vegas. Andrew Dice Clay wears cutoff leather workout gloves and an Everlast sweatshirt, thinking he will sell out arenas doing his tired old stand-up from 20 years ago. … Jah watched The Pussycat Dolls and said the girls looked pretty grim. Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray comes out and does the judging. … Seth continues to plug The Agency. … In response to Cavemen, the Association of Social Anthropologists have deemed the term “stone age” as offensive. These are the kinds of issues they’ll tackle on this show.
48:13 – Seth talks a lot about The Agency because he loves it. He also loves a new show on the G4 Network called Ninja Warrior, an obstacle course set up by the Japanese that is impossible to beat. They keep making it harder rather than easier – it features 4 different stages, 2 with a time clock and two without, testing strength, agility and awesomeness … Sunday, April 1 on A&E – the series premiere of Sons of Hollywood, featuring Randy Spelling (Aaron Spelling’s son), Sean Stewart (Rod Stewart) and agent David Weintraub.
52:17 – DJ Paul and Juicy J of Three 6 Mafia will appear on The Adventures in Spring Break ’07 on MTV, where they take three USC cheerleaders to Acapulco. It is a precursor to their new show Adventures in Hollyhood, Thursday April 15 at 10 p.m. on MTV.
45:10 – Season 6, Tuesday night, FX, The Shield; Tuesday night, VH1, season finale of The Agency; Thursday night, MTV Adventures In Hollyhood with Three 6 Mafia; Saturday, Punk’d – all eight episodes as a special sneak preview; Sunday night, HBO, first of the final 9 episodes, The Sopranos. Jah won’t watch any of these but he will watch The Winner.
36:18 – Last week, for the first time in 58 weeks, Jonathan watched a TV pick – Sons of Hollywood. He says it’s a treat and encourages everyone else to watch the show.
39:10 – On CBS, at 9:30 p.m. on Monday night, the 200th episode of King of Queens – the first of the last 7 episodes. It’s the last sitcom left that premiered in the 1990s.
46:42 – Thursday night, May 3, 8 p.m. on NBC – My Name Is Earl season finale is a Laugh-n-Sniff episode during which NBC will prompt you when to scratch your corresponding card; British paranormal TV show Most Haunted is going to do a séance for Hannibal, the deceased George Peppard
13:26 – ABC did pick up Cavemen, Tuesday nights, 8 p.m.; also Tuesday nights, 10 p.m. on ABC, Boston Legal returns with a twist – featuring John Larroquette; this week, Saturday night, VH1, The Last Days of Left Eye, a documentary chronicling the last days of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes.
29:16 – Monday night on E!, from 10:30 to 11, there’s a new reality show – the first of 6 episodes – Sunset Tan. It takes you inside the trials and tribulations of Hollywood’s most successful upscale tanning salon, located at 8539 Sunset Blvd. … Starting on Monday night, CMT is launching its Dukes of Hazzard farewell tour. After two years on the network, they’re saying goodbye, airing all 143 episodes back to back, 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., Monday-Thursday throughout the summer. … Next Friday, June 1, in Nashville, Tenn., DukesFest is expecting more than 70,000 people. … Monday night on NBC and Telemundo, 9 to 11 p.m., Miss Universe live from Mexico City – 77 countries will be represented. Hosts will be Vanessa Minnillo and Mario Lopez. Judges are Tony Romo and Dave Navarro. The contestant from Jamaica is a Rastafarian, who is trying to dispel stereotypes of marijuana and reggae beats. She is 25 years old and her name is Zahra Redwood … Wednesday night, May 30, Next Best Thing on ABC – Who is the greatest celebrity impersonator? From the producers of Last Comic Standing
33:05 – Seth watched the season finale of Adventures In Hollyhood, where Three 6 Mafia has to go back to Memphis for inspiration to cut a track because Hollywood has sapped the flavor out of them. They roll into Jack Pirtle’s Chicken, and order a #2 – a 6-piece gizzard, large fries and a grape soda for $4.40. … So You Think You Can Dance? is having all of its early hopefuls who can’t dance at all … Miss Universe results: Miss Japan won, and Miss USA fell on her ass in her evening gown. She was booed by the Mexico City audience when she went up to answer her question. She reaches into the glass bowl to see who’s going to answer her question, and it’s Judge No. 1, Tony Romo. The question: “If you could relive one moment in your past, what would it be and why?” Dave Navarro gave the kiss of his index finger and middle finger and pointed to the camera after being introduced as “International Rock Superstar David Navarro.” … Seth declares that Sunset Tan was plain awesome. They introduce you to Nick, who claims to be the best salesman. He helps a little girl look like Lindsay Lohan by giving her a base tan, a spray, etc., for $1,300. Some girl that’s not from Hollywood comes in and says her dad won’t let her do this because it’s too much for her. There’s a catfight at a pool party, and the owner constantly says, “Let’s kick some ass!” … John Langley of COPS fame has a new show he’s trying to bust out called Jail – it follows inmate from their booking to their last day behind bars.
20:58 – Seth reminisces about Mad About You. He had never seen an episode of it, but upon watching it he observes that Helen Hunt is kind of bitchy on the show. … Seth watched Next Best Thing, which featured impeccable impersonations of Rodney Dangerfield and Howard Stern. They also brought out a Kenny Chesney, Steven Tyler and Roseanne. … Seth declares that Tyler Perry’s House of Payne on TBS is a low-rent show. The sets look like the sets from the in-show show on Extras. He watched two of the shows and will not be watching the next 198. … American Inventor had 4 judges, three of whom were actual inventors. All the judges turned down every invention, except George Foreman, who signs off on everything: “You know what, I need that.” … Criss Angel Mindfreak levitates over the Luxor Hotel, 500 feet in the air. People below are yelling for him to “Be careful!” One dude goes, “Oh, Vegas, man…” Another dude: “That’s a mindfreak.” Angel is on the front cover of Dub Magazine this month.
9:15 – Jah admits he never watches any of the TV Seth talks about on the show, but he did sneak in 2 hours of a show called America’s Got Talent this week. He learned of a new term called a “Hasselhug,” which is a hug from judge David Hasselhoff if you’ve had a rough day. Jah thinks he and Paula Abdul should leg wrestle until they’re vomiting on each other. He sits there like a mean-eyed lazy drunk and keeps turning around and interacting with the live audience.
54:25 – Seth says that on Next Best Thing they had an Avril Lavigne impersonator who looked exactly like her. Seth claims there were too many Stevie Nicks impersonators to count, and many male Cher impersonators. … Seth watched Poor Man’s race at Hollywood Park with a bunch of beauty queens, and the girl from Russia won. Jerry Buss was there with a couple of Asians on his arm. … Seth observes that Carson Daly frequently has shitty musical guests on, and the girls in the front row are going crazy for them and singing along with all the words.
39:15 – Baldwin Hills, Tuesday night, 10 to 11 p.m. on BET, profiles teens in the “Black Bel-Air”; next weekend, VH1, 9 p.m., Rock of Love With Brett Michaels and Scott Baio Is… 45 And Single.
22:49 – There have been some problems at ABC with Cavemen – they’re reshooting the pilot and some people have been recast. Seth hopes he wasn’t being racist when he recommended Baldwin Hills. It wasn’t as good as he wanted it to be. Seth then got into a show called Hell Date on BET where it’s a practical joke using a really horrible date, but at the end a black midget wearing a pleather Satan outfit comes out and stabs the punkee with a pitchfork, saying “You’re on Hell Date!”; next Wednesday, July 25, 10 to 11 p.m., two new shows BET is premiering: Hot Ghetto Mess – the good, the bad and the ugly of black popular culture starring Charlie Murphy; and SOB (Socially Offensive Behavior) starring D.L. Hughley. Next Saturday, From Berkley in Boston, you can watch Bill Maher’s one-hour standup special on HBO; and Back To The Grind Wednesday night on TV Land has actors play the roles in real life that they played on their shows.
2:56 – After 3 seasons of dramatizing the daily lives of the private youth of Laguna Beach down in the O.C., they’re going even more privileged – Newport Beach in the real Orange County.
43:33 – “Stronger. Hungrier. Deadlier.” Shark Week is back on The Discovery Channel for the 20th anniversary on Sunday, July 29 – 75 episodes of shark-related content. They’re employing shark whisperers, they’re going to try to hypnotize a shark, etc. … Hot Ghetto Mess was a disaster – Home Depot and State Farm pulled ads from the controversial show before they changed the title to We Got To Do Better. … There’s only one show we need, and that’s Sunday night, two back-to-back episodes from 10-10:30 and 10:30-11 on A&E, The Two Coreys starring Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. “Reunited” is the title of the first episode, while “Lost Boys” is the title of the second episodes. It’s a faux reality show, meaning they kind of script it, but then the emotions are real. Corey Haim to Corey Feldman: “You wanna step? You wanna step?! I will knock you out!” … The cast of the new season of The Surreal Life has been announced: Macho Man Randy Savage, Miss Cleo, Nikki McGibbin, Dabney Coleman, Carrot Top and Phil Hellmuth.
45:14 – On Monday night on VH1 at 10 p.m., Mission: Man Band. The name of the band is Sureshot, starring Rich Cronin of LFO, Brian Adams of Color Me Badd, Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees and Chris Kirkpatrick of *NSYNC. … Right before that at 9 p.m. is a show called The Pickup Artist, where they bring 6 nerds into a bar and set them loose and set up hidden cameras to watch them fail. The weirdest dude named Mystery, described by Seth as Criss Angel’s older brother, Bob Angel, goes in and just macks on the women. … Back-to-back episodes at 10:30 and 11 p.m., The Rock Life, with L.A.’s own band Whitestarr, starring Cisco Adler. … Seth said people are sleeping on A Model Life on TLC on Friday nights. … Sunday night, The Two Coreys was on. Haim was trying to convince Feldman that they were going to write Lost Boys 2 and be superstars. He yelled at Susie and Corey Feldman, “She’s not part of the Coreys. She never will be!” … on Tuesday night, August 7, 2007, Jonathan will celebrate his 30th birthday by watching L.A. Ink on TLC at 10 p.m. – starring Kat von D.
56:27 – VH1, Monday nights, 9 p.m., The Pickup Artist. Mystery teaches us with his protoges J-Dog and Matador. … Sunday night, Comedy Central, The Roast of Flavor Flav. … Friday night, High School Musical 2 on The Disney Channel. 4 million copies of the soundtrack sold in the U.S., 160 million total viewers, Part 3 will be coming out in movie theaters later this year. … National Geographic Channel series Taboo shows “Initiation Rituals” and “Skin Deep.” … Man vs. Wild was having its host, Bear Grylls, stay in Ritz Carlton hotels
20:25 – Seth just watched the last episode of The Two Coreys, where Haim does what he thinks is a favor for Feldman, trying to get his band, Truth Movement, together for a show. Feldman is a little flustered when he finds out about it because they do such an elaborate stage show and they have to bring in lighting technicians. They need a smoke machine, laser beams and silly string for the show. Feldman is doing his full Michael Jackson impression. Seth calls the music “awesome.”
38:15 – America’s Most Wanted is at 956 captures as of showtime
52:38 – High School Musical 2 had 17.2 million viewers – the most watched basic cable telecast ever. There’s a hidden gay agenda in it.
56:39 – On Fox, the Teen Choice Awards are on Sunday night.
43:04 – Tuesday night, 10 p.m., CMT, 1 hour, Seth’s favorite show is back – the Season 2 premiere of Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders; Thursday night, Saints vs. Colts, Giants vs. Cowboys on Sunday; Hank Williams will be back for the 19th year of Monday Night Football.
32:42 – Seth has been watching The Pickup Artist, and has learned to negate the lady by giving offhanded negative comments to keep the lady on guard. The joy of the show is watching dudes go in and try to pull girls. Last week Mystery was in a lace-up poncho, a top hat, ski goggles and full makeup, telling these guys how to hit on girls with Matador and J-Dog. One of the dudes goes up to girls with the opener, “This is a really important question I have to ask you – do you floss before or after you brush?” The first girl he gets to bite on this and at least give him an answer, he goes “Are you familiar with Myspace?” … On her first day on The View, Whoopi Goldberg defended Michael Vick.
38:07 – Seth had a doozy last night on MSNBC when he watched unseen footage of a jailhouse interview with Charles Manson 20 years ago in 1987.
45:47 – Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO, Sunday night; first two episodes of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Thursday, Sept. 13, F/X.
34:57 – Seth drops a bunch of syndicated court shows that were on this week: Judge Maria Lopez, Judge Joe Brown, Judge David Young, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex, Judge Hatchett, Judge Judy, Jury Duty with Bruce Cutler, Divorce Court, People’s Court, Christina’s Court. … Jonathan can’t believe that Steve Wilkos, the bodyguard from The Jerry Springer Show, got his own talk show, The Steve Wilkos Show. Seth says the last time he watched Springer he was taking bong hits and playing ping pong at 632 N. Beachwood Ave. in LA.
50:05 – Seth is retelling the latest Tila Tequila episode, specifically the segment in which she asks them to bring her a gift. Ben from Boston brings a teabag and dips in the mug, then says that’s what he wants to do to her. Seth: “Nice to meet you, I’m Ben, I’m from the greater Boston area. Watch how I take it and see how I’m putting it in the hot water? Those are my balls and the mug is your mouth and this is what I wanna do to you. Your name is what?”
41:39 – Saturday night, 8 p.m. on Fox, COPS special edition of Stupid Criminals; Jail, Tuesday night, 9 p.m. on MyNetworkTV – a show where they profile people who have been arrested that night.
19:00 – Seth watches Snoop Dogg’s new show Fatherhood, and isn’t too impressed.
27:24 – They have finally released Seasons 1 and 2 of Weird Science on DVD
2:20 – Seth and Jonathan are loving Ocean Force: Hermosa Beach on TrueTV, Thursday nights at 10 and 10:30
36:06 – Seth and Jonathan reminisce about old Nickelodeon game shows like You Can’t Do That On Television with Alanis Morisette, Double Dare with Marc Summers and Remote Control with Kari Wuhrer
37:34 – Seth is watching Larry King Live on Friday, with guest Snoop Dogg. Larry says: “Tonight Snoop Dogg gets real and keeps it crack-a-lackin,” and “…the man who put the ‘izzle’ in fo’ shizzle.” Later in the week, with Bill Maher: “Check out our latest podecast…”
49:53 – Seth’s new favorite show, Jail, had an awesome show this week. They taped one from Clark County, NV, when O.J. Simpson rolled in. O.J. isn’t mic’d but you can hear him talking about finding his golf swing for the first time in a month. All the rest of the inmates want to swing on his balls, and the guards are chatting it up with him. The guards also simultaneously maced and tazed a guy on the show.
44:01 – Seth watched My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad, hosted by Dan Cortese, on NBC, and had a full panic attack
52:43 – Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew is in full force with a variety of crews: Breaksk8, Status Quo, Live in Color, Fysh N Chicks and JabbaWockeeZ
51:35 – Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, weekdays at 11 a.m. on Nick Jr. It’s for ages 2-5, teaching kids Mandarin. Seth claims that it is full bananas coconuts, and he advises everybody to watch one episode stoned. Jah doesn’t know what Dora the Explorer is, but he does know what Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? is.
0:28 – Jonathan has no one but Seth to thank for getting hooked on America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV. Jah is a JabbaWockeeZ fan but Seth is all about Status Quo – Quo fo sho.
52:50 – That’s Amore starring Dominico, a castoff from Tila Tequila’s show; Ax Men on the History Channel debuts Sunday at 10 p.m. – follows 4 logging crews in NW Oregon on North America’s most dangerous job. We’ll learn about beavertailing, widowmakers and spiked trees.
4:25 – The CW is planning a spinoff of Beverly Hills 90210
6:24 – As we speak, the JabbaWockeez robbed Status Quo of the victory because Status Quo are an African American group, according to Seth.
52:34 – The JabbaWockeeZ won America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV despite Seth rooting for Status Quo; Rock the Cradle on MTV on Thursday nights features the offspring of nine rock legends – Jesse Blaze Snider (Dee Snider), Lucy Walsh (Joe Walsh), Chloe Lattanzi (Olivia Newton-John), Crosby Loggins (Kenny Loggins), Lil B Shure! (Al B. Sure!), Jesse Money (Eddie Money), A’Keiba Burrell-Hammer (MC Hammer), Landon Brown (Bobby Brown), Lara Johnston (Tom Johnston of The Doobie Brothers); Kid’s Choice Awards 2008 hosted by Jack Black were phenomenal.
29:22 – Jah loves Rock the Cradle, all 1 ½ hours of it. He doesn’t want the show to end and he doesn’t want anyone to get voted off … Seth likes Step It Up and Dance with Elizabeth Berkley.
47:09 – Seth watched Miss Rap Supreme on VH1, where they’re looking for a female MC. Like every reality show, Seth picks the contestant from Boston and backs them blindly. There’s a girl named DAB, a former heroin addict and Masshole, who he’s behind. There’s another contestant named Chiba, 28, from Neptune N.J., who has hair covering her left eye, not unlike Left Eye from TLC. … There’s only one show for Jah, Rock the Cradle, but Seth wouldn’t let him watch it before they recorded the episode tonight.
14:54 – Seth dips in to Dancing With The Stars after his mom’s beckoning, and gets an intense panic attack from watching a segment with little kids dancing around the stage. Seth thinks it’s the only thing you can do as a little person but it comes off as a big person. Jah thinks this might be true.
21:29 – Flavor Flav’s new show, Under One Roof, made Jah think it was a sketch of a sketch of bad black sitcoms.
52:39 – HBO’s Hard Knocks, going behind the scenes of the Dallas Cowboys training camp; June 19 will give us a new season of America’s Best Dance Crew.
29:19 – New, on TruTV, Monday nights at 8 p.m., Party Heat: Bayou Blast Part I and II follows the Louisiana Wildlife and Fish agents as they hand out BWIs hundreds of drunk girls in bikinis being crazy loud and obnoxious dudes. Next week they’re going to Lake Havasu. … Jah’s staple pick is the new season of America’s Best Dance Crew.
46:48 – Seth reminds us that The Two Coreys is back, Sunday nights, 10 and 10:30 p.m. on A&E. They’re in Hollywood now and Feldman’s got new paintings up around the house.
8:47 – It’s Shark Week again (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33). Jah maintains his theory that last year Shark Week took a week from Black History month, even though Shark Week is always in July, not February. … Jah plugs his friend Emily, who is one of the contestants on Project Runway. She’s made it through the first two weeks and Jah calls on UYD nation to root for her.
15:40 – This Sunday, check out The Two Coreys on A&E at 10:00, then Sunset Tan is back on E! at 10:30 p.m. Seth had a panic attack from the season 4 premiere of Criss Angel Mindfreak.
56:37 – Season 2 of Parking Wars returns on Wednesday nights at 10 and 10:30 p.m. on A&E, following the Philadelphia Parking Authority.
58:31 – Seth touts the return of The Pickup Artist and how Eric Von Marcovick (“Mystery”) is his personal friend (Episode 089, 0:57)
19:32 – Seth watched Wife Swap, which featured a Rastafarian family swapping with a poor family, and the Rasta dad jacked the family’s jar of cash to buy beer. Seth really liked the show.
9:30 – Monday, Dec. 29, 9 p.m. on MTV - the series premiere of Brody Jenner’s Bromance
18:04 – Seth got a panic attack watching the season finale of The Pickup Artist, where Simeon and Matt had the lamest cold opens ever. Simeon: “Hey ladies, tell me what movie this line is from – ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner.’?” Matt: “Hey ladies, whew. So crazy… me and my friends, we just pulled off a caper – the likes that have not been seen since the end of Ocean’s Eleven.”
50:09 – Jah has never watched an entire episode of CSI or Criminal Minds, but he has watched an entire episode of Law & Order. Scrubs is coming back for another season on ABC; it used to be on NBC.
15:39 – UYD is pitching two shows to networks. One is called So You Think You’re Alive, an existential reality/discussion show they’re trying to sell to Nova, and then So You Think You Can Eat, a competitive eating reality show for Food Network hosted by Dom DeLouise and Kobayashi
16:26 – Reality show rundown: Game Show In My Head, started Jan. 3, 8-9 p.m. on CBS, produced by Ashton Kutcher and hosted by Joe Rogan … Confessions of a Teen Idol, started Jan. 4, 8-9 p.m. on VH1, produced and hosted by Scott Baio and Jason Hervey … True Beauty, Jan. 5, 10-11 p.m. on ABC … Howie Do It, Friday, Jan. 9, 8-9 p.m. on NBC … CMT Cribs, Saturday, Jan. 10, 9-9:30 on CMT … Tool Academy, Sunday, Jan. 11, 10-11 p.m. on VH1 … American Idol Season 7, Tuesday, Jan. 13, 8-9 p.m. on FOX … Eddie Griffin: Going for Broke, Monday, Jan. 26, 10-10:30 p.m. on VH1 … The Exterminators, Wednesday, Feb. 4, 10:30-11 p.m. on A&E … Jockeys, Friday, Feb. 6, 9-10 p.m. on Animal Planet.
22:37 – Seth thinks they should have their own show called Herda Hadda Herda where they go into the Holler and just herda-hadda-herda
31:48 – So You Think You’re Gertrude Baines is UYD’s new reality show idea about old people who have to get hooked up with people who try to get them to live longer.
32:29 – ABC News correspondent John Quiñones hosts Primetime’s segment “What Would You Do?” This week’s edition focuses on racism.
44:34 – Seth discusses another Primetime “What Would You Do?” segment hosted by John Quiñones, this time it features a dude slipping something into a woman’s drink and seeing how strangers react.
1:02:43 – New season of America’s Best Dance Crew was on last night. Seth says to look out for Dynamic Edition of Alabama that infuse tap, The Ringmasters from Brooklyn and The Beat Freaks, an all-girl crew from L.A. … American Idol was pretty funny on Tuesday and Wednesday, and Seth admits that Simon makes him laugh.
11:44 – Seth watched a couple episodes of House while he was lying on his mother’s couch at home in Boston over Christmas, up all night watching episodes. In one episode, he solved the craziest medical riddle ever, and Seth was like “wow that’s amazing.” On another episode, House trips on acid, and then does another even crazier riddle, and in the end he’s right again. Seth thought to himself, “Does this happen every episode?” If Seth worked with House, he’d be like, “Just ask House, he’ll figure it out,” and then go to the movies.
57:00 – Seth dips back into the John Quiñones-hosted segment from Primetime, “What Would You Do?” In this week’s episode, they sent in blind people into a bakery and the guy working behind the counter would be like “Yeah, what’s up Helen Keller? Step right up.” He would then hand them incorrect change with their paper money. They also did people dropping stuff at Open Houses and then interviewing the people who would just swipe stuff
1:05 – For The Love of Ray-J is a new reality dating show on VH1 where women compete for R&B artist Ray-J’s love.
27:13 – More of Primetime’s John Quiñones hosting “What Would You Do?”: They stick a baby in a hot SUV in the summer and people are just walking by the SUV not doing anything. Seth says they would’ve thrown a chair through the window to save the baby
9:36 – Seth teases Friday’s 20/20 episode where Diane Sawyer is doing an investigative report on the poverty in Appalachia. They did a teaser on Good Morning America that showed that the toothlessness rate is so high because everyone there is addicted to Mountain Dew
30:40 – Jah got to watch an episode of Trading Spaces last night because Dimitri has crazy satellite feeds coming in all the time. The dude from Extreme Makeover was still a carpenter guy at this point. They remade two double-wide trailers for lesbian couples and Jah loved all 30 minutes of it. He wants a listener to tell him they have seen this epi.
4:48 – Jimmy Fallon is hosting his first night as a late-night talk show host on Monday, March 2. His first guests will be Robert De Niro and Van Morrison
32:06 – Seth re-references the 20/20 episode about the Mountain Dew mouth (Episode 154, 9:36) where they pull up to a group of people trying to get rubber off tires and making black smoke. People there go into a convenience store and buy 2 Milky Ways, a Snickers, 4 bags of chips and a 40-ounce Mountain Dew. A baby is walking around in a dirty diaper in the house where they don’t have any formula, so the dad give the baby some Pepsi. They show a kid who’s a good football player and they want him to get out but he can’t. His stepbrother has a 17-year-old girlfriend with 2 kids, smoking and she found him fucking his 15-year-old stepsister in an outhouse. They have to take the 15-year-old girl to a Social Services place so she can deal with that. They’re driving down the hill to go into town, and the father is getting angry about the stereotypes of incest and saying it happens everywhere: “You know the saying – the closer the kin, the deeper in.”
36:37 – Seth talks about John Quiñones doing a study with a 92-year-old man behind the wheel. The man walks up to another dude and asks “I don’t know what kind of car I drove.” The man wants to help him find it, rather than sit him down for a second and call the nursing home he wandered out of. Another guy shows the old man how to start the car and allow him to drive it. … Then they show creepy dudes in a park trying to hang out with little girls on the playground. The people there didn’t know what to do, some went over and asked if he knew the girl. Seth thinks everyone’s first reaction should be either tackling the dude or taking a baseball bat to his knees.
33:17 – A couple shout-outs for March: Sunday, March 8 on E! from 10:30 to 11:00 – Candy Girls – a talent agency that books background dancers for hip-hop videos; and Tough Love, premiering March 14 on VH1 from 10 to 11 p.m. – 8 very attractive women live in a house and face brutally honest opinions by matchmaker Steve Ward
17:30 – Ted Or Alive, Ted Nugent’s show on Outdoor Life Network. Season 2 starts Jan. 8. Check your local listings.
35:57 – Roller Girls on A&E – people are down with it
44:13 – New season of Dancing With The Stars features Stacy Keibler, Drew Lachey, Lisa Renna, George Hamilton, Gisele Fernandez and Master P for Lil’ Romeo, Tia Carrere and Kenny Mayne.
2:17 – Runway Mom on Discovery Health Network because pregnant moms are a hot market
4:33 – Celebrity Fit Club III with Jeff Conaway – he went loco and claimed he was touched by a pedophile. Young MC is also on the show
1:21 – In the show Battlestar Galactica, the characters replace the word “fuck” with “frack” and use it in copious amounts.
53:40 – Starting April 15, The Cougar on TV Land, 10-11 p.m. starring Stacy Anderson, a successful realtor in Scottsdale, Ariz., who will choose among 20-somethings; Pitchman on Discovery Network – Billy Mayes and Sully Sullivan look into the history of people who sell their products
55:40 – VH1 is bringing back Behind The Music this summer, kicking off 10 episodes with Scott Weiland and Lil’ Wayne
7:14 – This episode of UYD is brought to you by NBC’s new show, Southland.
33:54 – Season finale of For The Love of Ray-J: He asks Cocktail if she was there for the love of Ray-J, and she said yes. Jah watched the end of Rock of Love and couldn’t believe how big the girl’s goofy fake tits were.
39:29 – 2009 Miss USA Pageant on NBC was hosted by Billy Bush, who had mono and kissed 15 contestants. Seth was impressed with third place, Miss Arizona, who was asked about universal health care for the U.S.: “I think this is an issue of integrity. Regardless of which end of the political spectrum that I stand on, I’ve been raised in a family to know right from wrong. In politics, whether or not you fall in the middle, the left or the right, it’s an issue of integrity, whatever your opinion is, and I say that with the utmost conviction.” The crowd roared. Miss North Carolina won. She enjoys online shopping, board games with her family and mission work. Her mother was Miss North Carolina 1982.
6:44 – Jah wants to know if anybody watches TV anymore besides Seth, because he thinks he is free-floating through space at this point and has disconnected.
5:52 – NBC has greenlit another comedy called Community, which is set in a small-town community college. It stars Joel McHale and Chevy Chase.
14:43 – Seth rehashes MTV’s Maui Fever, which hit him like a ton of bricks in January 2007.
53:24 – Jersey Shore Unleashed Sunday nights on E!, where five girls get a beach cottage on the shore and just party. Jah says he would watch it, just like he did Ocean Force (Episode 103, 2:20).
4:31 – Jah gives us more perspective on him being a Lost nerd (Episode 64, 52:40) by referencing “tailies,” or people who went down in the tail end of the plane, when referencing a downed plane.
12:31 – Conan O’Brien’s first Tonight Show will be Monday, June 1. His guests are Will Ferrell and Pearl Jam.
10:35 – Seth watched Good Morning America’s Best Barbeque Challenge. Dinosaur’s in Syracuse, N.Y. – a biker joint – beat out a place called Archibald’s BBQ in Northport, Ala. – an old-fashioned Southern rib shack owned by a black dude with no front teeth. This leads Seth to believe that GMA is a racist morning news magazine show.
23:05 – Seth watched a George Strait tribute concert on CBS, and to his dismay, Jamie Foxx make an appearance.
28:37 – Seth was watching a new show on A&E called Obsessed that features people who are off-the-deep-end OCD, and it makes Seth feel so much better about himself because he isn’t as bad as them.
37:20 – Seth watched 20/20 last week, which featured a summer camp for kids with Tourette’s Syndrome. He watched one scene in a cafeteria where one kid’s tic set off a chain reaction of other tics and it was a cacophony of complete madness. Jah liked the 60 Minutes feature “Twitch & Shout.”
2:16 – NBC’s new show, The Listener, features a young paramedic who has telepathic powers which he uses discretely in both his job and his personal life.
9:33 – Seth talks about Heidi and Spencer leaving the reality show I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and then they came back and Spencer slaps a water bottle out of Frangela’s (Frances Gallier and Angela V. Shelton) hands. Jah kind of wants to be on the show, but Seth says he couldn’t handle being in the Costa Rican jungle
11:12 – Seth watched Earth 2100 on ABC, looking ahead 100 years. Basically they told him this would be the last century of human civilization.
34:05 –Seth watched the season 2 premiere of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, which featured a girl named Katie, the punk rock princess. All the girls are introduced in a lineup where they speak out into the darkness to Paris, pleading their case to be her new BFF. Katie prepared a letter that she wrote while in tears: “I want to drive with you to McDonald’s and order some fries.” Later, in an interview, still in tears: “I am so scared that she might not pick me and that she might not like me.” Later they bring everyone to Vegas, and Katie goes “What happens in Vegas … ends up on Myspace!”
47:02 – Under the Harpo banner, Jenny McCarthy will be getting her own talk show in the summer of 2010.
1:04:04 – Seth has never seen a minute of The Wire but he still knows it’s one of the best things ever.
6:21 – Seth saw Ben Lyons on Good Morning America and under his name they put “Movie Expert.”
24:52 – Monday, June 15, Dateline NBC has Dr. Hansen back with a new special called “Vegas Undercover.” He spent a year with the Vegas Metro, he’s with detectives from the Pimp Investigation Team, he’s with an Auto Theft Unit called the “Viper Squad.” What happens in Vegas could end up on Dateline.
26:17 – Seth watched The World’s Strongest Toddler on TLC starring 3-year-old Liam Hoekstra.
35:48 – Paris Hilton: My New Dubai BFF
18:26 – At the CMT Music Awards, Toby Keith and T-Pain dually presented an award to Kid Rock
28:46 – When Seth is bogged down by chemtrails, he just puts on Bravo on Tuesday nights and watches NYC Prep.
47:25 – Seth saw a documentary on HBO called Be Like Others. Although homosexuality in Iran is illegal and you could be killed for it, it’s about how sex change operations are totally chill. They change your birth certificate and you start a new life. You meet with a psychiatrist, etc.
52:18 – MSNBC has a show with Joe Scarborough that used to be called Morning Joe, but now that it’s sponsored by Starbucks it’s called Morning Joe: Brewed by Starbucks. He was on with female co-host Mika Brzezinski and 4 other male pundits. They were talking about White House press secretary Robert Gibbs and his high school yearbook photo, in which he had an earring. One of the pundits comes clean about having an earring, and Mike Barnacle said, “What you had an earring? Did you also have a pearl necklace?” Everybody busts out laughing, except the woman has zero idea what they’re talking about.
45:23 – Seth brags about his new favorite show, NYC Prep. He wants to be these kids, especially 16-year-old Sebastian. He speaks French and has crazy hair. He just has to ask for a number if he wants it.
18:46 – On NYC Prep this week, we met Sebastian’s father, Jeff. Jeff told him that it’s difficult growing up in New York, and he wants him to keep his grades up while maintaining a balance by having fun too. PC went down to Cancún and got pretty gay with his Mexican roommate. Jah wants to know if he can watch the show on Hulu.
4:40 – Seth watched a documentary on CNBC called Porn: The Business of Pleasure. He said it was so-so because no one in the building knows anything about it. They had a clip from Vegas that showed Sacha Grey taking a picture with a guy, and another short goateed man walked up to her timidly, grabbed her hand and gently kissed it.
11:09 – Seth saw T-Pain at the BET Awards wearing a $410,000 chain that says BIG ASS CHAIN. Seth also saw Chris Brown this week with a $300,000 chain that says OOPS.
23:13 – Seth thanks John Larroquette for his performance this week on The Craig Ferguson Show for wearing a black UYD t-shirt during his interview. Seth thinks it’s a good thing the shirt wasn’t discussed that much, because it would’ve been hard for Mr. Ferguson to comprehend what comedy and laughter are.
48:39 – Premiering this Tuesday, July 21 at 10 p.m. on The Discovery Channel: The Colony. “What would you do in the wake of a global catastrophe? How would you find the very basics of survival – food, water, shelter? The Colony is a controlled experiment that attempts to determine exactly what it would take to survive and rebuild a functioning new society.”
1:00:43 – One listener is hating on Seth because he was trying to watch NYC Prep, and then he had a dream that PC took his ex-girlfriend out on a date and it fucked his whole shit up.
19:43 – Discovery Channel’s Shark Week is coming back Aug. 2-7 (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33, Episode 125, 8:47).
28:30 – Dating in the Dark on ABC – they take three guys and three girls and let them get to know each other in a pitch black room. They then separate them and get their impressions. They each get thrown a piece of clothing of the person, and then each person picks another they want to have a private date with. It then goes to one guy and one girl in the room. Then they have a 50-page questionairre and are paired up with whoever is the most compatible. Then a professional sketch artist gives a rendering for what they think the person looks like. Then a light comes up and you see what they look like and their reactions are priceless. Then they put you on the veranda and you make the decision as to whether you want to see this person or you just pack it up and leave. One girl left and the guy was devastated, and the other two decided to meet.
11:41 – Seth watched another episode of Dating In The Dark and talks about the male Masshole on the show. The lights came up on an attractive African American girl, and he didn’t do a very good job of recovering his obvious anger and dismay. When they talked to him afterwards he claimed that religion, not race, was the deal-breaker. Jah wants to watch it but he just doesn’t have television.
41:27 – Seth watched Good Morning America and they had a security expert go into an upscale hotel in the Buckhead section of Atlanta, Ga., and show how one can blend in. He roams the halls and a maid is coming of the room, so he hands her a $20 bill to ask her to jump across and do his room really quickly. He runs in and says he forgot something and acts like it’s his room, and just takes everything out of the room. Another time he takes the extra room key and calls down to the lobby and asks them to pull around his car to valet. He jumps in the Jaguar and drives away. He’s in the stairwell, takes out a duffel bag, takes his clothes off, puts on a robe, pours water over his head and runs out saying he locked himself out of his room. The maid opens the room for him and he steals everything.
50:21 – Malibu Shark Attack on Sci-Fi Channel shows a tsunami bringing in what we thought were extinct goblin sharks and they wreck Jah’s childhood home.
47:16 – Seth was watching Larry King and Larry asks Griffin O’Neal the last time he saw his father. Griffin answered, “The night he tried to shoot me in the face.”
19:31 – Seth wonders why every single guest on The Jimmy Fallon Show makes a point of giving props to his house band, The Roots.
21:08 – Seth plugs Mad Men, this Sunday on AMC.
47:19 – Seth was watching Dating In The Dark, and some of the dudes get left out on the balcony watching the girl walk out the front door with her suitcase, and Seth is waiting for the episode when a dude goes off on the girl and yells at her from the balcony.
56:31 – Seth was watching Criss Angel: Mindfreak. Angel took a ring from a woman, took out his crazy jeans with patches and rips, pushes the ring onto the jeans and it disappears. He takes a knife out and cuts the patch on the jeans to prove he’s not hiding it under the patch. He takes a box cutter, cuts his thigh open, digs his fingers into his leg and pulls out the ring from under his skin. He also really likes to eat the camera.
1:06:22 – Seth plugs America’s Best Dance Crew Season 4. His favorite so far is Vogue Evolution.
1:07:54 – Seth watched Chain Gang Girls 2 on Women’s Television. It wasn’t as sexy as he had remembered it.
4:32 – Seth’s favorite actor Jay Mohr makes $150,000 per each episode of Gary Unmarried. They shot 20 episodes that aired last year and he made $3 million. They’re picked up for another season that begins Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 8:30 p.m. That’s the 35th Annual People’s Choice Awards Favorite New TV Comedy. Seth wonders how this is possible because Seth is the only person who watches this.
11:05 – There’s a new TV series on A&E called Hoarders that follows packrats around their homes
30:51 – Seth was watching Dating In The Dark, which he thinks features nice, wholesome people. One of the guys says he’s a romantic. The girls get time to go through the dudes’ cars, and the guy who’s a romantic has a box of condoms sitting in the center console of his car. One of the guys denies that the sketch artist’s rendering of him looks like him, when it actually looks exactly like him.
46:09 – Jay Leno will premiere his new show on Monday, Sept. 14 at 10 p.m. His first guest will be Jerry Seinfeld.
29:35 – On House, what happens when the doctor becomes the patient? … Monday nights, TruTV, Seth’s new show, Bait Car. They take a bait car and create a scene with another vehicle and the people get out and let other people steal it. It’s rigged out with 12 cameras and we get to watch them lie to the police 4 minutes later when they shut the engine down.
9:15 – For years, these detectives have kept Tuesdays safe. Now they’re moving to protect a new night, Wednesday. Law & Order: SVU – protecting Wednesdays this fall on NBC.
13:18 – Seth wants to talk more about his new jam, Bait Car. He loves it because of the lies and deceit that the perps try to spin off after they get caught. Since he won’t ever see TCAP again, this is the next best thing.
38:23 – NatGeo’s E-Mail Order Brides shows a place they call Russia’s Detroit. One of the mail-order brides walks into Gary’s one-bedroom apartment and says “I want to stay this place. I want to stay live with Gary.” Gary, from the couch, says “I guess I’m living the dream.”
48:40 – Inside the Actor’s Studio this week will feature a gentleman named Jason Bateman.
1:00:10 – Seth watched a clip on The Daily 10 of Russell Crowe riding his bicycle smoking cigarettes and eating tacos and some Australian journalist was making fun of him and taking pictures. Crowe challenged her to a race, beat her and the lady almost had a heart attack and died. The story kept referring to them smoking “fags,” and they offer a disclaimer saying Crowe wasn’t being non-PC by using “the F word.”
8:08 – Dr. Oz premiered his new show, The Dr. Oz Show, and he got all up inside the vagina and taught everyone a lot about that area of the female body.
12:32 – Seth watched The Secret Lives of Women on the We Network, and the theme was “Women of Erotica.” The porn director talks about how the actors aren’t used to the intricacies of being directed.
28:55 – NatGeo features The World’s Smallest Girl, Jyoti Amge, from Nagpur, India. She’s 15 years old, weighs 12 pounds and is 23 inches tall. She likes to kick it in her apartment and watch TV.
38:36 – Seth is perplexed that The Amazing Race won the Emmy for Best Reality Show every year they’ve had the category since 2003. He thinks somebody else needs to beat them because he doesn’t like them winning so much. It’s not fair. Seth and Jah will riot if Dating In The Dark or NYC Prep don’t beat them.
3:54 – James Franco is going to join the cast of General Hospital.
1:03:37 – Seth thanks God that The Hills is back Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. on MTV. He’s ready for the new episode with Kristen Cavallari called “It’s On Bitch.”
1:51 – Jonathan wants to know if the Caveman sitcom (Episode 054, 39:21; Episode 065, 13:26) was the first spin-off of a commercial
19:02 – Seth was watching Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? this week (Episode 053, 42:30). The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders were on it, featuring Abigail Kline. The question was, “How many countries are permanent members of the United Nations Security Council?” Seth was so angry at that question, which was supposed to be 5th grade civics. … The show Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 4 is now on CMT. CYLL.
25:26 – TLC premiered My Monkey Baby this week, featuring couples who raise their monkeys as babies (Episode 112, 43:30). One redneck: “If I hear somebody call her a monkey I’ll throw a fit! She is my kid!” Another bitch tries to bring the monkey into a restaurant and the restaurant won’t let her. She thinks when she gets older the monkey will just take care of her. Another couple has their monkey talk to a monkey psychic on the phone. Another couple gets a tiny little baby monkey that’s so wicked creepy it freaked out the officer that pulled them over.
29:05 – On Tuesday at 10 p.m. Seth watched Parking Wars, and they went to Detroit instead of Philly in the first episode. You don’t want to give someone in Detroit a $30 parking ticket.
32:21 – Seth was watching a show about people staging accidents. One dude was parked in a moving van just south of where you would turn into the parking lot. He sees a woman driving by herself, taps his brake lights to let his accomplice know behind him that he’s going to signal for her to pull in, and when she makes the left to turn in, he pulls up to block her and the other car gently t-bones her, and the other guy that signaled her to go just drives away. So they either have an insurance scam out of it or they take her pocketbook when she’s going through her wallet.
21:48 – Since Halloween is just around the corner, Seth reads off all the ghoulish TV shows out there: Destination Truth, MonsterQuest, Most Haunted, Paranormal State, Extreme Paranormal, UFO Hunters, Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, Ghost Lab, Celebrity Ghost Stories.
43:52 – Seth was watching CBS News Sunday Morning at 6 a.m. They had a thing where a sociologist had a piece of fancy chocolate and a Hershey Kiss. He said the fancy chocolate was 15 cents and the Hershey Kiss was a penny. He then took a penny off the price of each, making the fancy chocolate 14 cents and the Hershey Kiss free, and everyone took the Hershey Kiss. Jah explains that this is because people love free shit – even though most free shit sucks, except for free beer and freeform jazz comedy.
0:44 – Jah and Seth just watched Surprise Inspection on TruTV. Officer Shirley regulated 6 different places in Rhode Island. Jah says the one thing about not having a TV or watching is that he goes to Seth’s place and watches a couple COPS episodes back to back, it’s like eating ecstacy. One of the ladies who got pulled over in COPS acted like everything was cool but had a full propane burner in her front seat. She also denied that she was the person in the license the cop was holding up to her face.
12:56 – Seth watched another show on TruTV called All Worked Up, about people whose jobs prompt others they interact with to get worked up. One was a repo man/tow truck driver from Lizard Lick, North Kakkalaki (Carolina). The guy says, “Two bulls, one pan, one of dem bulls gon’ get a headache. … E’ryday. twice on Sunday. … This redneck ain’t feelin’ your cock-a-doodle-doo. … Somebody done lost and it wasn’t us.”
15:26 – On TLC, Seth watched Mall Cops, a show about mall cops who patrol The Mall of America in Minnesota. It’s 100 mall cops “protecting” the mall 12 hours a day. This episode featured a heart attack in the food court, shoplifting teens, kids getting lost from parents, and one mall cop who looks exactly like Paul Blart. Seth wonders how opening weekend of that movie was when this guy was constantly getting shit from unruly teens.
35:20 – FOX is developing a half-hour sitcom on the canine guru Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer. It will star Wilmer Valderrama. Jah whispers to potential listeners who might have something to do with this show that this might not be a good idea.
47:26 – Seth was watching The Jeff Dunham Show. Jeff’s a ventriloquist, and they do sketches within the show.
17:44 – Seth was watching Good Morning America, and he sees his friend from the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (Episode 172, 36:52), Susan Linn, on. Seth thought she would be talking about the 2 Girls 1 Cup skateboard; however, she was claiming that the wildly popular Baby Einstein DVDs are not educational. Anyone who has purchased the DVD can now get a refund from the company because they’ve spent the past four years fighting it.
33:38 – Seth holds up two pictures for Jah and asks him which one scares him more. One is for The George Lopez Show and the other is for The Wanda Sykes Show. Jah says if he had to watch 5 episodes in a row of one of them, he would take Sykes. Jah also says he would rather blow Wanda Sykes than eat George Lopez’ pussy.
8:21 – Seth gives a rundown of professional poker player Phil Ivey’s appearance on the sports doc show E:60. Ivey was part of a group of pro players called “The Corporation,” who pooled together all their money and took turns going head-to-head against Texas billionaire Andy Beale, a poker fanatic and mathematical genius. Ivey won the group $16 million over 3 days playing Beale. During the show, Ivey is flying his Gulfstream to Salzburg, Austria to play in a poker tournament. They stopped in Connecticut so he could go to Foxwoods and play craps, played 20 minutes and walked out with $185,000. He then stops in Montreal and plays craps for 30 minutes and wins $750,000. At one point he was up $1 million and asked the reporter to roll with Ivey’s money, and the reporter lost $240,000. Ivey says “I knew you were unlucky,” and they get back on the plane. Ivey says he would know to stop if he was feeling the burn, but he never felt it.
32:59 – Seth is trying to live his life and get his B Vitamins every day, but he’s watching Nightline, and they do a report on “The Blueberry Children.” There are blueberry fields all over the country (specifically Michigan and North Carolina) who are employing migrant children so their small hands don’t squish the berries when they pick them. At this point Seth had to pour out his blueberry drink.
53:35 – Seth was watching a story on 60 Minutes about movie piracy. It featured a special unit breaking down doors in downtown L.A. Seth is curious what it’s all about, but all the movies are are dudes in the back of movie theaters taping the movie, while people are coughing and heads are moving in frame.
24:44 – Seth talks about Bait Car, and how every single person who gets pulled over claims that the driver told them to move the car (Episode 181, 29:35).
43:54 – MTV’s new series premieres on Thursday, Dec. 3: Jersey Shore (Episode 166, 53:24).
46:02 – TruTV’s new show, Full Throttle Saloon, follows the biggest biker bar in Sturgis, S.D. as they’re gearing up for the huge bike rally. The camera shows bartenders stealing money from the till, etc.
55:06 – The History Channel is showing World War II in full color HD all this week.
15:35 – Seth was watching Good Morning America and they’ve placed an attractive young blonde next to the weatherman, Sam Champion (mad gay, but not out), holding a sign that says SAM, MARRY ME!
26:44 – Inside the Actors Studio with James Lipton: “In 1996, he was named one of People magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. I present to you Jon Bon Jovi!”
32:18 – Seth gives a quick reminder that Jersey Shore premieres this Thursday night at 10 p.m. … An ad for Fringe (Thursdays at 9 p.m. on FOX) said “Viewer Discretion Advised.”
47:22 – Cheech and Chong were on Jimmy Fallon, and when they were announced and the curtain opened for them to come on stage, plumes of smoke came up around them to insinuate that they were hotboxing it backstage. Seth thinks marijuana might have been the reason that they were so stupid and slow and unfunny during their interview.
1:42 – Seth makes a correction about something he said on last week’s episode. He was so excited about MTV’s Jersey Shore that he said it was airing last Thursday. It’s actually airing this Thursday, Dec. 3.
2:39 – Unico, an Italian American service organization created many years ago to promote and enhance the image of Italian Americans, have asked MTV to pull Jersey Shore off the air before it’s even aired because it perpetuates the stereotype of young Italian men as Guidos. To this, Seth says KMIA (3:39; [[Episode 049, 7:22)
16:02 – James Franco is doing a run on General Hospital, playing a reclusive artist named “Franco.” Seth then sees a commercial for James’ little brother, Dave, playing a new character on Scrubs.
41:24 – Find My Family on ABC shows you a couple that met in high school and had a baby at age 16. They gave it up for adoption, but they’re still together in their 50s. They brought it to a Catholic charity, the child was put into a wonderful foster family and they went on to live their own lives and raise two girls and a boy of their own. They contact ABC, and through research and detective work they find their biological daughter, who has been living 8 miles away the entire time. Under the family tree, she sits and waits for them. Shit gets emotional. Jah guarantees he would bawl his eyes out no matter how crappy it was.
1:14 – Seth had his life changed after watching Jersey Shore.
2:37 – Seth was watching the third season premiere of Spike TV’s Manswers, and they posed a question to its viewers: “How many non-alcoholic beers would you need to drink to blow a .08?” Jah guesses 64, but the answer is 40.
10:40 – Seth was watching a new show on Discovery Health called I Am Pregnant…, which has had two episodes. The first one was “I Am Pregnant and Addicted,” featuring Collette on methodone. This week’s was “I Am Pregnant and Homeless,” featuring Misty living in a tent in the North Carolina mountains with her son Zion.
13:30 – Proctor & Gamble, which ended the run of their soap opera Guiding Light in September after 72 years, decided to also stop production on the 53-year run of their other show, As The World Turns, in December 2010. Helen Wagner, 91, who has played matriarch Nancy Hughes on the show on and off since its inception, spoke the show’s very first words on TV, “Good morning, dear.”
24:52 – Jah’s father acted with Ice-T this week on Law & Order: SVU
30:36 – Seth watched Campus PD on G4, which they told him was going to be about college campuses’ police departments. There was one little scene at the University of Cincinnati which was kind of crazy, but then it was all bogus faux-COPS episodes near campus. Seth got duped.
46:02 – Seth got a shakeup going on at Good Morning America right now. Diane Sawyer is leaving to replace Charles Gibson on World News Tonight. They’re bringing George Stephanopoulos in to take her place, so Chris Cuomo is bouncing to do 20/20 with Elizabeth Vargas. Seth thinks that Cuomo couldn’t handle the sexual tension of being around Sam Champion (Episode 193, 15:35), and wonders when Champion is going to come out of the closet or if he’s going to keep cloaking it through 2010.
52:19 – Seth was watching 20/20 this Friday, featuring women who wanted to save money on plastic surgery so they’re ordering botox online and injecting into their own mouth and lips. Some of their faces got permanently distorted.
54:08 – Teen Mom was on this week. It featured kids puking and never chilling/partying the right way.
21:46 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the new show Men Of A Certain Age starring Ray Romano, Andre Braugher and Scott Bakula
37:15 – There’s a show on NBC called The Sing Off, an a capella show featuring groups from all over the country. Jah can’t believe that Face didn’t make it through the first round. Seth got physically cold while watching the show. It took him back to when Rosie used to be on TV, when your penis inverts into your body, your temperature drops and your heart races.
12:46 – Mr. Belvedere’s second season featured an episode on Jan. 31, 1986 entitled “Wesley’s Friend.” The synopsis: When one of Wesley’s friends, Danny, is revealed to have AIDS, he is taken out of school due to ignorance or uncertainty that many of the other children’s parents share. This leads Wesley to shun his friend in fear of getting the disease himself. Meanwhile, Kevin takes a home economics class because he thinks it will be an easy A. Seth ventures this is the first sitcom to deal with the AIDS epidemic. Jah assumes there was a heavy-handed monologue from Mr. Belvedere himself about the new AIDS epidemic.
14:21 – On Jersey Shore they didn’t show Snooki get punched, but at the end of the episode they gave a little promo about abuse.
22:01 – Seth was watching GMA and they were talking about games/toys that parents buy for kids that are absolutely impossible to assemble. One of them was the Marble Madness game, with a 41-page instruction booklet. They brought in a brain surgeon and a rocket scientist and after 45 minutes, neither of them were remotely close to assembling the products.
43:05 – Seth was watching Rachel Ray, and she had on a guest talking about the different lotions and moisturizers a woman needs to keep her skin supple and soft. She kept opening them up and orgasming over how good they smelled and saying she wanted to eat them. The lotion expert had to tell her to relax and not eat the products.
51:54: Inside the Actor’s Studio featured Kate Hudson, star of You, Me & Dupree and Fool’s Gold. Second-year actor Cedric Castillo asks, “We use the Stanislavski method. What is your process.” Hudson’s response: “Oh, I love it. I never get to answer these questions!”
7:58 – Seth watched Disorder In The Court, Part XI, which features people freaking out as they are declared guilty by juries and trying to attack the judges, etc.
8:42 – Seth informs us that Jerry Springer is still on TV. He watched an episode of it on KTLA at 11 a.m. At the end of it Jerry gives the crowd members the microphone, and they just throw out burns at the people on the panel.
13:38 – ABC, which canceled Adam Lambert’s performance on Good Morning America after he shared a same-sex kiss at the American Music Awards last month, made television history by airing the first-ever gay sex scene on the daytime soap opera One Life to Live. It features Oliver and Kyle sharing a tender moment post-coitus, spooning in a bed. It was tender, righteous and real. One of the actors, Scott Evans – younger brother of Chris Evans – is openly gay. The characters lit votives, and one asked the other, “Will it always be like this?” The other replied, “Always.”
15:15 – Good Morning America has replaced Sam Champion over the holidays with his younger, hunkier, gayer counterpart, Jeff Smith (Episode 193, 15:35).
43:01 – New show on TLC called The Imploders features the Kelly family, experts in building demolition, as they prep and execute incredibly intense, difficult, controlled destruction of American buildings.
44:49 – Monday night on ABC, a 1-hour special presentation, Conveyer Belt of Love: 5 women, 30 men, 1 conveyer belt. The men pass by on a slow speed doing their best to woo the women in less than a minute. One of them can choose you and pull you off the conveyer belt, but they can discard you and go on to a better choice if they see one. If more than 1 woman picks the same man, the man gets to pick the woman he wants. Seth wants to know what Jah’s game would be, but Jah doesn’t want to talk about it.
47:05 – Wednesday on CBS, the return of one of Seth’s favorite 2009 specials, I Get That A Lot, where they put real celebs in normal everyday jobs pretending to not be those celebs.
14:47 - Conveyer Belt of Love on ABC is the best show ever. A guy comes down the conveyer belt, while 5 girls sit there. 1 sign says “Interested” and the other says “Not Interested.” They stop the conveyer belt and the guy stands in front of the 5 women and says, “Hey, you guys know how much a polar bear weighs?” The girls collectively answer, “No.” Dude responds, “I don’t know either, but he just broke the ice.” All 5 girls hold up a “Not Interested” sign, the belt starts moving again, and the guy goes “See you later” as he gets belted away.
20:54 – American Idol kicks off this Tuesday night at 8 p.m. Seth loves peeping these girls who are convinced they can sing but really can’t.
22:22 – Jah wonders if Seth watched the American Music Awards and if he saw the complaints people wrote into the FCC about Adam Lambert kissing a male bandmate during the performance.
21:36 – Paranormal Cops season premiere, this Tuesday on A&E.
26:39 – John McCain and Sarah Palin’s campaign manager was on 60 Minutes, describing how much of a moron she was from Day 1. They had to give her a crash course in U.S. history. They brought her to McCain’s house in Arizona to prep her for the Vice Presidential Debate, and it was going horribly. All she can keep saying is, “Senator O’Biden,” and they tell her to stop saying it. They devise a plan that when the debate begins and she walks up to meet him, she says, “Can I call you Joe?” and then she’ll only have to say Joe. Still, in the middle of the debate, she says “Senator O’Biden.”
35:59 – Dr. Hansen reappears with his “Vegas Undercover” segment on Dateline NBC (Episode 171, 2:29). There’s a unit in the Metro Police Deparment called the Convicted Habitual Career Criminals Unit, dealing with Vegas’ repeat offenders. 20% of the dudes in Vegas commit more than 80% of the crimes. They just pick a dude and follow him. They have surveillance of one guy putting an amp down his pants at Fry’s and stealing from a convenience store, then he stops in the parking lot of a 24 Hour Fitness and comes out 5 minutes later. He was stealing from lockers. He goes to an NA meeting with his girlfriend to get his court card signed. He then pulls into a 7-11 and walks in after his girlfriend, casually walking through the manager’s back door, gets two enormous plastic boxes filled with cartons of cigarettes and walks out the back door. His girlfriend picks him up, then they drive to a parking lot where they meet a fence to sell the cigarettes to. The LVPD arrest all three of them.
6:24 – The last time the Golden Globes had a host lead the evening was in 1995, led by Janine Turner and John Larroquette.
16:52 – There was a documentary that was supposed to be on PBS Frontline this week, but they had to postpone it out of concern for some of the boys who appear in the film, called The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan. It features the “Bacchá Bareesh” – or “Beardless Boys” and the “Bacchá Bazi” – or “Boy for Play.” They’re kids who start around the age of 10 singing or performing suggestive dances while wearing flowing colorful dresses. Four men use them as sex slaves and trade them among other men for sex. It’s an ancient tradition. Occastionally, boys who interfere with a married man’s wife will marry their lover’s daughter. At 19, the boys are released back into society to reclaim their male status.
8:10 – Seth was watching an episode of COPS and they were talking to a guy who was suspected of a DUI. They said, “Sir, have you been drinking?” He answered, “I’ve had about 12 beers.” That probably explained why he clipped off a side mirror off a guy in a 7-11 parking lot, then hit three parked cars and a truck with plywood on it.
15:35 – 20/20 did an exposé on the alarmlingly high number of teens who have been sexually harassed on a daily basis in the United States in the workforce, usually by slightly older, early-20s male managers. For many of these younger girls, they’re vulnerable and most of their managers are males in their 20s, and they’re feeling a little cocky.
20:14 – Seth discusses the shake-up over at GMA (Episode 199, 15:15), and he watches it every day because Marcia used to watch it. Seth thinks The Today Show on NBC is wack, and thinks The Early Show on CBS is wacker.
14:27 – 60 Minutes featured a segment about rebuilding the World Trade Center, and how 9 years later it’s still a gigantic hole in the ground.
22:55 – Seth watched some TV while Jah was gone. There’s a TV station he discovered called Centric, part of the BET Network, which has a show called Model City. It follows the personal and professional lives of 5 black supermodels in New York City. … Seth also watched Behind Bars on Discovery Channel. He was in a prison in Ohio and there were a male and female inmate dating. They had a “sink phone,” where they took a full roll of toilet paper, put it over the drane in their sink, then put an empty roll of toilet paper and put it inside the other hole, then screamed in it and it goes through the pipes so the other can hear it. The only problem with it is that when an inmate flushes anywhere in the building, you taste fecal matter.
49:24 – There was a movie called Starstruck on the Disney Channel starring Sterling Knight and Christopher Wilde and Danielle Campbell. She plays a girl from Kalamazoo, Mich., whose older sister is obsessed with Wilde. They’re going to visit their grandmother in L.A., and the older sister’s plan is to fall in love with him, yet the younger one actually does. They pull up in front of their grandmother’s house and she’s on a ladder working on the front of the house. She’s in her 70s, and there’s a big black dude in his 70s standing next to the ladder. They come running up, and tell her to be careful getting off the ladder. She goes, “Honey, Howard had my back. We take care of each other.” Then there’s a pause where they realize she’s dating a mid-70s black man, and he just stands there like a rock. The Disney Channel had to be the channel to tell us this.
52:22 – Jah saw a movie on HBO Family when he was in a hotel room called Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. He says the movie is so good it’s stupefying. He says they laid it down so hard and he loved it more than he did the last time he saw it.
59:36 – Seth was watching his show Jail on Sunday night, then was watching his show Bait Car on Wednesday night. There was a woman with tattoos of the names of all of her ex-girlfriends all over her face. He watched her get arrested Sunday night in Clark County in Vegas on Jail, then watched her on Monday night stealing a bait car in Long Beach, Calif., on Bait Car.
5:19 – There’s going to be a Russian version of Jersey Shore called Brighton Beach, which will take place in Coney Island in Brooklyn in what they call “Little Odessa.”
22:42 – Seth was watching CBS News Sunday Morning, and they were at the 19th annual Reel Awards in Las Vegas, celebrating over 1,000 celebrity impersonators/look-alikes/tribute artists. The Tim McGraw look-alike was there, along with Joe Mannuela – who’s been doing DeNiro for 30 years. K9, the dog impersonator, was there.
23:26 – Seth was watching NFL Full Contact on TruTV, which was a good show that started a day after the Super Bowl. The first episode featured the Steelers receiving their Super Bowl rings last season and doing a concert in Pittsburgh during which they hired thousands of paid extras so it looked like a huge party. The guy running the event things he sees a real Tim McGraw even though it’s a look-alike, and the guy from the NFL is freaking out. When everyone leaves he’s under a bridge singing a Tim McGraw song in front of 10 people, one of which is closing his eyes and getting into it.
19:54 – Seth was watching Jimmy Fallon’s late-night talk show, during which they were playing charades. Fallon was partnered with Toni Collette and was giving the clues. The clue is “TV Show,” and is giving all kinds of clues so she will know it’s Jersey Shore, but she says she’s never even heard of the show.
28:21 – A Minute To Win It, Sunday nights
38:41 – Seth references NFL Full Contact (Episode 209), and another episode during which they were following the guy who is head of NFL VIP Services. He’s trying to accommodate Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Kevin James and David Spade. They show the field and cut to an old man on the back of a golf cart. It’s Andy Rooney, and is exasperated because he lost his credentials.
47:31 – A&E has shows called Hoarders and Intervention; meanwhile, TLC has shows called Hoarding: Buried Alive and Addicted, that just started this week.
8:30 – CBS shot a pilot called Defenders starring Jerry O’Connell and Jim Belushi and they play flashy and firy Las Vegas defense attorneys.
11:13 – This Friday, the sixth season premier of Wife Swap is on ABC at 8 p.m. featuring a woman who has 14 dolls. … Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution is on at 9 p.m., where he rolls into Huntington, W.V. and tries to change food menus.
21:45 – Seth saw a show on NatGeo called American Beaver but it wasn’t what he thought it was.
23:22 – Seth watched the season finale of Cribs, featuring Criss Angel in the Luxor. He pulls out a Murphy bed and says sometimes he slips in there and sometimes he doesn’t.
36:49 – Seth was watching the new show Fly Girls on the CW. The phrase they have for people they’re flirting with is “IFB,” or “In-Flight Boyfriend.”
40:25 – Catholic Television released their monthly magazine with 3D glasses so you can tour cathedrals and pray the rosary in 3D on their website
56:40 – The sixth and final season of The Hills will debut later this month on April 27, with only 12 episodes.
55:34 – Seth was watching Letterman and saw a performance from the new Broadway musical, The Addams Family, featuring Nathan Lane. Tickets start at $136.50.
6:27 – Good Morning America (UYD’s sister show) reports that sites all over the internet sell software that allow you to track someone’s cell phone. They’re very easy to install – you download the software when no one’s looking, install it, remotely listen in on phone calls, read texts, activate the speaker and listen to phone conversations when the phone is off.
2:13 – Fox has renewed a TV show called COPS for a 23rd season. Its creator John Langley said “It’s an existential variety show – dramatic, life-threatening, philosophical and legal. We’re still the only show on television with no script, no actors, no host and no reenactments.” Jonathan said this is a lot like UYD.
7:25 – Seth references the PBS documentary The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan (Episode 202, 16:52), which was originally pulled but later aired. Seth watched it and had a full panic attack, watching businessmen purchasing boys to train them to wear makeup and dance erotically.
26:50 – Seth watched Private Chefs of Beverly Hills which featured a bunch of rich web entrepreneurs who wanted to go on a camping trip but not have it be too rustic, so they had private chefs come and cook for them. It was glamorous camping, or as they called it, “glamping.”
13:54 – 60 Minutes did a piece called “San Francisco’s Next Earthquake.” The San Andreas Fault caused the giant earthquake in 1906, while the Hayward Fault is known to erupt every 130-140 years. It hasn’t erupted in 141 years. While this is happening, there is a frenzied, mad rush to rebuild the New Bay Bridge that connects San Francisco to Oakland.
16:20 – Seth was watching Dateline NBC with Dr. Chris Hansen. He did an exposÈ called “What Were You Thinking?,” featuring a person on hidden camera who reacts to the popular crowd sentiments among them. One scenario features a group of job applicants filling out paperwork for a prospective job. They’re all Dateline employees with the exception of one test subject. They take a smoke machine from outside the room and pump in smoke to fill up the room. All the people on camera just looked around kind of panicky while the Dateline people did nothing, and eventually didn’t get up and do anything. Only one subject, black girl Ramona, said “Oh hell no!” and took off out of there.
19:18 – There was a report on NOVA called “Money and the Mind” about behavioral economics. They offered people this scenario: One year from today I give you $100, or one calendar year and a day I give you $102. Everybody chose the $102. The other question was, I’ll give you $100 today or $102 tomorrow. Every person chose the $100 today.
33:01 – Seth watched Into The Universe With Steven Hawking on The Discovery Channel. His take on things was that we might not want to find these alien guys because if they came down here they would wreck us.
37:56 – Seth watched a 20/20 report on USA Swimming. Apparently there’s an epidemic of coaches boning down on their swimmers, hiding cameras in the locker rooms, etc. Several coaches took on multiple lovers. One dude went up and down the coast looking at different high schools to impregnate swimmers.
51:55 – Seth watched Hallmark’s When Love Is Not Enough about Bill Wilson’s wife Lois Wilson, who founded Alcoholics Anonymous. Lois is played by Winona Ryder and Barry Pepper plays Bill W. They wear a lot of old-timey garb and there’s a lot of emotional scenes. The commercials are 9-minute long Hallmark commercials. One featured a dude in his 60s walking into a child’s classroom, and it turns out he’s illiterate and needs to be taught how to read. They show 4 different stages of learning and by the end of it he goes into his closet, takes out a shoebox (“and shoots himself,” says Jah), which is a lifetime’s worth of Father’s Day cards from his daughter. He reads them all out loud.
15:10 – Iranian presiden Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stopped by Good Morning America this week to talk with George Stephanopoulos: “I heard that Osama bin Laden was in Washington, D.C. Rest assured he’s in Washington. There’s a high chance he is there.”
26:21 – Seth watched Live with Regis & Kelly today. It was their “Halfway to Halloween” show and so they were all dressed up in costumes.
9:35 – There was a porn parody of the Jersey Shore that came out in February called Jersey Shore: XXX, starring John Espizedo as “The Predicament.” Shooting has begun on a gay parody version called The Jersey Score starring Kevin Cavalie as “Pauly G.” John Espizedo and Kevin Cavalie are the same person.
15:50 – Seth was watching The Tonight Show this week and saw a band featuring a man wearing a New York Yankees hat and think Run-DMC gold chain and a man dressed up like a KISS vampirey guy playing guitar. It was Limp Bizkit. The song was “Take A Look Around,” the theme song of Mission: Impossible 2, which came out in May 2000.
36:04 – What Would You Do? with John Quinones. They leave a bike locked up at a park and show a white kid stealing it – even at one point with a saw and welding goggles – and they don’t do anything. When the black kid walks near the bike, people start overreacting and yelling at him, pulling out cell phones and calling anybody they can. Then they took a really hot girl and had her steal the bike, and tell guys who walked by that she’s stealing it and needs help. One married guy offers his help while the wife sits there. A Yale psychologist said “Men behave irrationally around attractive women.” One guy just lifted the bike off the sign it was on instead of messing with the lock.
8:18 – Seth watched a woman on Good Morning America telling a story about being home alone with her 6-year-old son in New Jersey. There was a knock on the door and it was a census worker. From the get-go she got a creepy feeling from the long-haired beady-eyed dude looking beyond her into the home. As he was asking her questions, the son ran up and he was looking at the kid a little too young. He leaves and she goes straight to her computer to check the New Jersey State Police Sex Offender Registry, which she does every two months. He’s been living a quarter mile away for several months. He served four years in prison for some lewd acts. She called the police and they ended up arresting him. He used an alias to get the census job. Before they checked his fingerprints to find out who he was, he was out on the street going door-to-door. There are 635,000 temporary census workers right now walking the street. With her on the show was John Walsh of America’s Most Wanted. He let Seth know that in 23 years of the show, they had a record 7 captures this week.
14:39 – Seth thinks what he’s watching on The Hills right now with Spencer is television truly becoming reality. It’s the emotional and psychological breakdown of a human being before our very eyes – compelling, gripping televsion.
15:06 – “What Would You Do?” with John Quiñones. Seth saw a store clerk steal a winning lottery ticket, he saw a racist salesperson at a boutique, a pilot getting drunk at a bar, a woman breastfeeding in public while drinking a beer, guys trying to take drunk girls out of a bar, gay parents getting discriminated against at a restaurant. They threw a stat out that said more than half the states in the U.S. can legally refuse to serve gays and lesbians in restaurants.
17:04 – Seth watched Miss USA, won by Miss Michigan – a Muslim American. They asked Miss Virginia, “I hear you make an amazing grilled cheese sandwich. Can you give us the recipe?” She answers, “I have this recipe, I buy the frozen Texas toast and I put extra cheese inside so it’s extra good.” They asked a 6-foot-4 Miss Maine, “You’re so tall and gorgeous. How tall are you, by the way.” Her answer, “I’m great, thank you.”
53:21 – Seth would like it to be known that the shitty show America’s Got Talent starts on Tuesday, June 1. All 3 of the judges on the show were born outside of the United States, and there’s something about that that doesn’t sit right with Seth.
13:32 – Seth was watching The O’Reilly Factor. On Monday’s show he put a question on the screen to direct people to the website to answer it. The question was “How do you rate YouTube’s impact on American life or culture?” The answer choices were Positive, Negative or What’s YouTube? The results were Positive – 29%, Negative – 41% and What’s YouTube? – 30% (Episode 034, 6:39).
22:33 – The 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee is this Friday on ABC. Indian tweens dominate this competition.
29:55 – Inside the Actor’s Studio welcomes Sean “P-Diddy” Combs onto the show.
50:04 – TLC has a show called Cake Boss about a Hoboken, N.J. pastry chef. Bravo has The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Style network has Split Ends, about New Jersey hair salons. Of course there’s Jersey Shore on MTV. Style network also has Jerseylicious about a salon and Oxygen channel will now debut Jersey Couture about a dress shop.
28:28 – Monday night on VH1, Behind The Music: DMX. Seth is ready for it. J-dawg loved Hip Hop Wives on A&E. He said DMX’s wife has been through some shit. Right after the Behind the Music is VH1’s Hip Hop Honors, which will have performances including Paul Wall.
43:21 – Seth watched 60 Minutes featuring John Gotti’s son, a former mobster. He mentioned something that Seth put aside and wanted to look into more. He talked about his little brother being killed in the neighborhood when he was 11 or 12 and how much it devastated his father – he could hear him crying at night through the vent in his bedroom. Seth looked up the guy who killed him, John Favara, 51, the backyard neighbor of the Gottis in the Howard Beach section of Queens which is all Italians. Favara’s adopted son was friends with the Gotti kids. On March 18, 1980, he was driving home from work when Frank Gotti was on a motorized minibike and darted out into the street from behind a dumpster. The police come and find him not at fault, a complete accident. Two days after the accident he gets a death threat in the mail, which he doesn’t take completely seriously even though police from Howard Beach say they’re getting threats at the police station as well. He is friends with a capo in the Gotti family and asks him if he can say anything, and the capo can’t help him. A few weeks later, the car he hit Frank with got stolen from the house and was found less than a mile away the next day. The day of the funeral he got a funeral card from Frank’s service in the mailbox. The next day he gets a picture of Frank in the mailbox. Then someone spraypaints “MURDERER” on the car. John Gotti’s wife Victoria goes to his house and beats him mercilessly with an aluminum baseball bat, putting him in the hospital. He decides not to press charges. He finally puts the house up for sale. Three days before he was to close from the sale of the house, several men abduct him when he’s leaving work. They throw him in the back of the van and they haven’t seen him since. There’s a guy that runs a diner in the neighborhood and sees the whole thing go down. Police canvass the neighborhood. The next day 3 guys come into the diner and spend 15 minutes just staring at the dude. He sells the diner and moves. The Gottis were vacationing in Fort Lauderdale when this incident happened.
19:50 – The 9th Annual Country Music Television Awards featured Jada Pinkett Smith who introduced the next performer, “...one of my favorite people, Toby Keith.” Jah then reveals that he and Seth talk to each other about things outside of the realm of the podcast. They were talking earlier about how many people, including Smith, showed up that didn’t belong there. David Spade, Snooki and The Situation were others who turned out.
27:55 – Seth watched his Season 3 premiere of Bait Car back in New Orleans. There was a bait car set up that some kids were going through. You could see a woman on the front porch of a house yelling “Baaaaiit Caaarrrr!” but they didn’t pay attention.
29:29 – On the Today show this morning, a girl that knows the “text rage” couple was on discussing the text that led to him beating up another girl. Meredith Viera asks the 13-year-old if she saw the texts, and the girl said “I saw the one where she calls him a rapist and she calls him a cunt—I mean, he calls her a cunt.” Seth couldn’t believe he heard “cunt” dropped twice, again on Viera (Episode 104, 10:16).
31:56 – The NewNowNext Awards on Logo needs to be watched by every UYD listener.
3:36 – Good Morning America started their summer safety series. Part 1 warned us to be careful when you let workers into your home because they will a) cut you and b) rob you. Part 2 warned you not to run over your kid with a riding lawnmower.
34:40 – Seth was watching The Real L Word on Showtime, a reality show about some lesbians living in Los Angeles. He learned that LA has the best-looking lesbians because that’s what everyone on the show said. Whitney was at Crown Bar and saw a girl she hooked up with and has been avoiding her. She goes to talk to her but she’s real upset and storms out because Whitney’s with another girl at the bar. Later that night Whitney’s back at home and on the phone with this girl. She asked why she walked away from her like that. “Because this is so stupid.” Whitney then apologizes that they couldn’t talk. “I wish I didn’t like you. I wish I never hooked up with you.” Whitney then says she deserves to be treated amazing and she’s an amazing person. She says they’ll be good friends, then they hang up and she goes into the kitchen to pour another drink. Resolution.
13:10 – James Franco returned to General Hospital as the enigmatic artist known as “Franco.” His mother also appeared on the show playing his mother. A future episode to air July 22 was taped at LA’s Pacific Design Center – a couple buildings in West Hollywood that host high-end interior design showrooms. “The event,” as it was called, was conceived by Franco and the new director of the Museum of Contemporary Art in LA. They called the event “Soap at Mocha.” The performance art included the taping of the episode, the event of watching the taping of the episode, the episode as it appears on TV and a film that Franco is making now about the experience of making all of this, which will show later at the museum.
16:47 – Somberly, Seth says “Tuesday, July 13… After 102 episodes, we’re all going to gather together and we’re going to say goodbye. We’re going to say goodby to The Hills.” The series finale is called “Truth and Time Tell All.” It all started on May 31, 2006 and it’s ending now. Seth has had a relationship with these people and gotten to know them. In memorium, Seth reads some lyrics from the show’s theme song, “Unwritten,” by Natasha Bedingfield: “Drench yourself in words unspoken / Live your life with arms wide open / Today is where your book begins / The rest is still unwritten.”
18:57 – Honestly, Jah says that there’s no denying the impact The Hills has had on the TV universe. It almost changed an entire city because it became like another atmosphere that was pervasive throughout the city. Seth says the show taught him to dream. Jah then says he’s worried for all the cast members of the show.
50:28 – Three weeks from now, Sunday, Aug. 1, everyone get your Shark Week (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33; Episode 125, 8:47; Episode 176, 19:43).
4:21 – Seth was watching Real Sports on HBO and they had a report on female bodybuilders, which made Seth think of Jonathan (Episode 039, 25:47). Jonathan asks, “Big clits, right?” Seth explains they have huge clits because of all the steroids they’re getting from Mexico and HGH from Europe. They make no money doing this so they’re spending all their money out-of-pocket. Winners get $3,000 for winning a tournament. They all have breast implants to make up for the loss of soft tissue. They make money in the world of fetish, called “muscle worship.” There’s a website called SheMuscle, featuring women on military-style bench press with no shirts on, etc. One woman said some of them go to hotels and do one-on-ones with people, where they can make $3,000 in a night. There’s a “lift-and-carry” where you pick up the small man and carry him around, “grappling,” “scissor headlocks” with their crazy thighs, etc.
8:40 – Seth was watching TMZ and they were filming a movie on the streets of New York City with Helen Mirren. There were people on a residential sidewalk and there was a homeless man they have video of, preoccupied with a delicious frozen yogurt and a radio tied around his neck. Mirren finishes shooting, politely walks off and passes by the camera to go to her camera. She looks over to the homeless guy, who goes “Hey, you gotta try this yogurt!” He spoons it into her mouth and she eats it, then walks away.
38:54 – Drugs Inc. on NatGeo featured heroin, cocaine, meth and marijuana. They had “smurfs” – people who go in one-by-one to each buy one pack of ephedra apiece in a county in Missouri and then pool it together and sell it for 10 times the actual value. There was a guy getting $34 of heroin out of the ground and turning it into $130,000 by the time it reaches the United States.
56:10 – There was an episode of Jeopardy! Kid’s Edition that featured a final question in Double Jeopardy! with a photograph of two older gentlemen – a Chinese man shaking hands with Ronald Reagan. The “answer” was: “Say the name of this man who’s shaking hands with the premier of China.” The first girl chimed in with Nixon and at the last second one of the other two boys chimes in, “Who is JFK?”
1:02:54 – Seth watched a program on HBO called No One Dies in Lillydale – a town an hour south of Buffalo. Since 1879 it has been the home to the Modern Spiritualist Movement. Every summer in July and August people come from all over the world to get their readings done by more than 40 internationally renowned mediums who live there. There’s a guy holding a seminar and looking at two women in the front row, nodding his head knowingly. He said, “You just had a strap break on a shoe recently, didn’t you?” They go crazy, and he replies, “Yeah, he knows. He’s laughing at you too.” There was another guy who said, “This morning, was Richard knocking things around the house?” They go crazy. Seth wonders if they really know. For Jah the problem is this: “If you believe in the capability of people, once they leave this place, being able to do that – for you to be able to do than and then believe you have a better chance of communicating with that person via somebody who has absolutely no connection to you in your life whatsoever – the fact they need to qualify it by traveling to kookytown and having a guy lie to your face … if you believe that, go find him, because he’s looking for you too. If not this dude isn’t going to help you! I don’t think.”
14:55 – Jah asks Seth if he remembers the reality show The Player with a female player and a gang of dudes who all moved into the house together and vied for her love. There was a white dude who talked like “ping-pong-tong-thong…” Whenever she would kick a guy off she would say “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
30:52 – Dr. Chris Hansen had a special on Dateline NBC called “Did You See That?” It was about “change blindness.” They would take a Dateline staffer and put them on the street in New York with a map, pretending to be tourist, and walking up to people and asking them to help them get to a place on the map. After a brief exchange, other staffers would pretend to be walking by with a big painting and rudely cross in between the two people. In the time the painting was big enough to cross, the person could no longer see the person asking for directions, and another person would slide into the inquirer’s place. All of the people continued to go on and on as if it was the exact same person. They also did it at a copy store where one girl would crouch behind the counter and another would pop up and take her place. They did it on speed dating where one had to make a phone call and another person came in. They had 5 people in black shirts and 5 people in white shirts on a stage, certain people in the theater had to watch each color, and they had to count how many passes were made of a basketball. While it’s happening, Chris Hansen walks across the stage, and they can get the number of passes correct, but only a couple people saw Hansen walk across the stage. Jah is down with this study because there is so much input the brain receives and it can’t think about more than one thing at once.
53:51 – Seth saw a movie based loosely on a true story this week on Lifetime, The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. She plays a mother who secretly goes to work at a day spa/massage parlor to support her struggling family. She’s apprehensive at first but when the gifts start flying in from her favorite clients, it’s hard to resist. She goes from nervous to pervous in minute. When a fellow prostitute – the very young daughter of a Pentacostal family – can’t take it anymore and walks across the street to tell the Christian fellowship what’s going on, police come and break it up. She must decide whether to reveal the names of her big-wig clients or lose her kids. At the end of the movie, all the wives of the big-shot guys in the town come over to her house. She gives a really heartfelt/tearful apology for boning down on their husbands, and one of the woman says “We don’t want an apology. Tell us what you did to our husbands.” She takes out a banana and two apples to explain through a visual. They cut to her as a waitress later on and says “They wanted me to demonstrate. I went through two dozen bunches of bananas.”
10:20 – Seth asks if they’re going to bring back Roc starring Charles S. Dutton. A show about a Baltimore garbage collector, it aired three seasons from 1991-1994. Every episode of Season 2 was aired live. Seth is still right there on The Wire, ready to put the first disc in and get into Baltimore, but he’s wondering if he should explore this Baltimore first.
15:54 – In October of 2009 on TLC, we saw a little special called My Monkey Baby (Episode 187, 25:26) which changed Seth’s life and deeply affected many of the listeners of this show. This Friday, to celebrate Jah’s birthday weekend, NatGeo (“Live Curious”) will kick off a special called My Child Is A Monkey. Go inside the controversial world of “monkids.” Jah asks what an appropriate relationship is with an animal, because the fact that his dogs sleep on the bed with him makes Seth wants to jump out the window.
20:13 – Seth was watching Good Morning America, which had on the mother who started the Donor Sibling Registry (Episode 007, 27:47), a website that lists the sperm donor dads for kids. They have a donor who has 70 kids under the age of 7. He knows them all on an Excel spreadsheet and is in contact with them on the site, but he’s in contact under 70 names. They were saying the question arises, what happens 10-15 years down the road when he has 70 18- to 23-year-olds who show up and knock on his door. The lady’s son has 30 half-siblings that they know of and he’s contacted six of them so far. They find that they not only look alike but have similar likes and dislikes. One donation can bring up to 20 different kids. Another component is that grandparents are in the mix and by blood want to have relationships with the kids.
44:48 – Seth was disturbed this week watching Don Draper get slapped in the face by a prostitute on Mad Men.
1:16:48 – Seth references Boston Med on ABC which is his show. He says that if you have any health issues or know anyone involving a hospital, do not watch this show. If you aren’t and you just want to be frightened/see the miracles of modern science and technology, then watch the show.
10:58 – Seth watched the sixth season premiere of Criss Angel: Mindfreak. He was wearing a lot of heavy layered black clothing with a Slash top hat pulled down low. He does a crazy illusion where he gets a scorpion, puts it in his hand, smoke begins coming out of his hands and the scorpion is gone. He starts pressing on his chest and his body is contorting. He grabs a woman by the back of the neck and goes to make out with her, she’s choking and all of a sudden a scorpion walks out of her mouth. He looks at the camera and says, “Don’t let me kiss ya!” and eats the camera.
53:59 – Monday night, 10 p.m., second season premiere of Dating In The Dark. There’s nothing like when those lights come up and seeing facial expressions.
58:22 – Seth gives a recap of the two episodes of Tony Robbins’ show Breakthrough With Tony Robbins that got canceled.
30:49 – My Child Is A Monkey on NatGeo was pretty awesome, according to Seth. One lady proposed moving to her own island with all other monkid owners. Seth thinks they need to definitely do that and make a reality show about it called Monkey Island. Jah proposes that it be hosted by Gideon Yago (Episode 004, 26:19).
50:21 – Starting Monday, Sept. 13, 2010, it’s 25th and final season of Oprah.
59:07 – Seth was watching Assignment America with Steve Hartman on the CBS Evening News about a 100-year-old geinocologist in Augusta, Ga. He delivered his first baby in 1944 and has delivered approximately 18,000 babies – 70 years of vaginas. Seth wants to know how much the vagina has changed in 70 years, but Jah says it’s fundamentally the same, although more groomed.
16:48 – Seth was watching TMZ and Kid Cudi was coming out of a 7-11. Harvey Levin is obsessed with what people eat and always wants to know what they ordered. The camera guy asked Cutty, “What do you got there?” He had a bag of Fun-Yuns and a Starburst.
37:48 – ESPN’s Outside the Lines watched every play from every baseball game – 184 total – from a two-week span this summer (June 29-July 11). They reviewed every call not including balls and strikes. In those two weeks, there were 230 close calls. 1.3 in every single game they watched would require instant replay. Of those 1.3, 66% - when reviewed by a panel of experts – of the calls the umpires made were right. 14% were inconclusive, and 20% or 47 times, they were dead wrong.
39:21 – Jah cites a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where the Katrina family stays with them and there’s ejaculate on the blanket.
9:53 – Seth watched Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution and they were trying to meet nutritional requirements in school menus – they weren’t meeting them.
32:39 – Seth made his mother watch Jersey Shore and she was screaming at JWoww and Snooki.
9:54 – Seth has a couple TV picks this week. Monday, Sept. 20, 2010, will feature Monday Night Football on Seth’s birthday. On TruTV, there is Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock, on Tuesday, Sept. 7. On Saturday, Sept. 11, COPS returns for its 23rd season with its 800th episode – from Boynton Beach, Fla. to Harris County, Texas.
18:31 – This Monday on NatGeo, Giuliani’s 9-11 in his own words
23:44 – Seth watched footage of the Assault Intervention Device being used on 60 Minutes. They were pretending he was a protestor at the GE Summit. He was holding up a mattress and the beam shot through the process and forced him to drop the mattress and move away.
50:12 – Seth was watching a show called Secrets of the Mind, an ABC primetime special. They had a guy on there who had narcolepsy with cataplexy, or “paralyzed by love.” He goes into a heroin nod-off if he is with his wife or is remembered of their wedding. They can’t sleep together because a gentle touch during the night makes him collapse. Seth thinks porn would probably kill him. The only way he can fight it off is to think terrible thoughts, like his wife being disemboweled.
35:17 – Jah was watching a show on NatGeo the other day talking about the increased violent tendencies of the Earth. What happens and how utterly susceptible we are to the elements completely eradicates hundreds of years of us aligning everything. All Jah knows is you can’t eat money – water and food are all that keep you alive.
38:21 – There are four different TV shows coming on that are auction shows. There’s a show on Discovery in October called Bidder Rivals – a look inside one of Atlanta’s most storied auction houses; November on Spike has Auction Hunters – there are 10,000 abandoned storage units every day in the United States, take a look inside the cutthroat world of storage unit auctions; November on Sci-Fi features Hollywood Treasures – a look inside the high-stakes world of the largest auctioneer of showbiz and pop culture memorabilia; and lastly a TLC show not on the schedule yet called Auctioneers.
18:36 – Seth watched Dateline NBC with his friend Kate Snow. They ran a test to see if kids left home alone would open the door to a stranger. A van was parked outside with the kids’ parents saying there was no way their kid would open the door. It was based on a real scam where a guy would come to the door saying he was the “milk inspector,” flashing a badge and saying he was a special agent with the sheriff’s department. In Dateline’s setup, the brother and sister went ahead and let him in under this pretense.
25:06 – Oprah kicked off her farewell season this week by treating her audience of 300 people to a vacation to Australia. A mockup of a Quantus A380 rolls into the studio. “Cue the pilot!” Travolta steps out in full pilot gear … Oprah then did a follow-up story to a town in West Virginia she went to during her second season in November of 1987. There was a 26-year-old dude named Mike Sisco who had AIDS. He and his sister went to a public swimming pool in Williamson, W.Va., and he jumped in the pool. It was pandemonium and people jumped out of the pool and asked to drain it and quarantine it. They did a town hall in a field house, and this dude with his mullet sits in the middle of 400-some people being cast out. They re-interviewed the surgeon general, who said the information he gave them then was the exact same info he would give present day.
48:07 – A contestant on the show Big Brother spent the last three months completely quarantined. Twenty-three-year old Britney Haynes left her Arkansas home she shares with her fiancée Nick and their two dogs in hopes of winning the $500,000 grand prize. After the final episode aired they did a live special. Her house in Arkansas burned down to the ground. The producers and the family discussed it and decided not to tell her because she was almost done anyway. She won $25,000 because she was voted on America’s Favorite Houseguest.
7:43 – Seth mentions Sister Wives on TLC, which features a 41-year-old man named Cody Brown and his three wives and 16 kids, living in a home designed by a polygamist that looks like a TV set. A closet door connects to a new house. He wants to add a fourth wife but the other three aren’t down with it. Cody wanted everybody to know that “Love should be multiplied, not divided.” 14:53 – Monday, Oct. 4 is the 20-year anniversary of the very first episode of Beverly Hills: 90210
3:40 – Seth watched a documentary on HBO featuring Adrian Grenier of Entourage making a doc called Teenage Paparazzo. He was out at the Arclight and some dude said “I’m 13 years old, I’m just pappin!” while wearing a hoodie. He was driving around with Paris Hilton, and she said it was weird that she was the second-most Googled person next to Jesus. They were in Malibu at her beach cottage and behind the sheets there were 30 papps sitting on the beach waiting for them to come out. He goes “Paris, do you know the story of Narcissus?” She says no. He explains there was a boy who was in love with himself and would stare at his reflection in the river and one day he went to kiss his own reflection, fell in and drowned. The camera cuts to her and she says “Was it true?!”
24:31 – Seth watched Trash Inc. on CNBC about the secret life of garbage. They took him on a journey, and it’s a journey you may not want to take. It just gets brought to places and dumped.
27:48 – Seth watched Liquid Assets which talked about how there’s no water in the world and they did a segment about bottled water which terrified him.
31:18 – This Friday, Oct. 15, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team debuts on CMT.
51:48 – Weeknights at 9 on TV Land - $#*! Ray’s Dad Says, referencing the new CBS show with Shatner, to promo reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond
52:27 – Ashton Kutcher has a deal with CBS for a TV show based on the Twitter account “shhdontellsteve.” This is a Twitter page where I secretly tweet about what my roommate Steve is doing at all times. “Steve meekly playing Modern Warfare. … Steve has some foot odor issues lately … Steve accepted his mom’s friend request but isn’t happy. She poked him and she’s been messaging him asking about girls in his photos.”
54:44 – Seth saw Tommy Lee on Chelsea, Lately this week. He was talking about his son Brandon’s 14th birthday party this summer. Brandon wanted to have a rave. Tommy was like, “So I called my friend Dead Mouse, a DJ.” Unfortunately he was out of town so Tommy called Mixmaster Mike from The Beastie Boys and threw the craziest rave ever. He talked about how crazy it was because the boys were on one side and the girls were on the other side. Brandon was psyched because the cops showed up three times.
3:10 – Seth saw the car that drives itself that Google made on Good Morning America. You can sit in it and have a full conversation with someone while the car drives itself.
39:01 – Sunday, Oct. 24 on VH1: Football Wives
41:56 – The Lingerie Football League is on MTV2 on Friday nights. It’s pretty crazy, but Seth doesn’t like the fact that you don’t get to meet the girls on the show. They don’t even do huddles – they just cut the footage so it’s play after play after play. Jah hypothesizes that they don’t want to humanize these girls so dudes can just jerk off late at night.
48:34 – Seth watched a show on TLC called My Brand New Face featuring Maurice Simpson. He was born with the craziest, rarest facial tumor ever, but just lives his life. An anonymous fool from Ogden, Utah rolls in and gives him $300,000 to go to an institute and get surgery. Seth says both faces are pretty crazy, because surgery can only do so much.
3:24 – Ashton Kutcher has sold another blog to CBS to turn into a television show: Dear Girls Above Me. “It’s two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me and I’m forced to hear every dumb thing they say. These are my letters to them.”
39:25 – Seth was upset that he didn’t get profiles of the Lingerie Football League but he enjoyed getting intimate with his Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team. The three favorite books that were on every single cheerleader’s profile were The Bible, Harry Potter and Twilight. One of the cheerleaders, Kelsi Reich, writes on her profile: “Hi y’all! My number one priority in my life is my Christian faith and my walk with God. He has blessed me my entire life and I love him more than anything. Jesus gave his life for me so I give him all the glory for everything I do and everything I have.” Her favorite TV shows were Dancing With the Stars, CSI: Miami, George Lopez and Wheel of Fortune. Her favorite movies were Step Up, Step Up 2, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, 50 First Dates, Maid in Manhattan, and The Proposal.
51:05 – Growing The Big One is on the Hallmark Channel, starring Shannen Doherty. She’s a radio DJ named Emma Silver, who leads a chic city live in Seattle until she finds out her beloved grandfather has passed. Traveling to his farm in quaint Valleyville, Wash., to take care of the details, she’s stunned to learn her grandfather has left her his farm – along with a sizable amount of debt. To keep the bank from foreclosing, Emma must find a way to raise the money or face seeing her grandfather’s precious land end up as a parking lot. Following her grandfather’s famed legacy, Emma decides to enter Valleyville’s annual pumpkin growing contest with his prized seeds and growing the world-record biggest gourd. If she can win the grand prize of $50 Gs, she can save the farm. But farming isn’t Emma’s forté, and she soon realizes she has traded in the glamorous city lights to find herself knee-deep in manure. The pressure to win is even greater when the vicious new radio station manager, Kate – Sarah-Jane Redmond from Smallville – revamps Emma’s show to include complete coverage from the pumpkin patch. Then, Emma’s annoying neighbor, Seth – Stargate Atlantis’ Kavan Smith – cons Emma into becoming partners to get a share of the prized money. But as the two spend the summer nurturing their pumpkin plants, they grow closer and a romance develops. Finally feeling at home, Emma begins to carve out a simpler life in the country. But a relationship with Seth is threatened when her radio show becomes a hit and she gets a job offer in New York City. Will Emma be able to grow the biggest pumpkin and win the money to save her grandfather’s farm, or is the greatest prize one she just can’t put a price on?
11:38 – Max on TMZ was talking about a “turtle egg,” which is when you’re at the beach and you dig a hole in the sand and lay on your stomach and take a piss into the hole if you’re too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom.
12:41 – Seth and Jah watched a 20-year anniversary of Jerry Springer: Best Fights, Best Transsexuals. At this point Jah described it as the same sensation of watching footage of World War II, where it seems distant and weird and you wonder how it ever happened. They have a couple million people watching it now, but in the mid- to late-90s there were 11-12 million people consistently watching it.
19:22 – Seth is loving Melissa and Joey on ABC Family on Tuesday nights at 8:00. He can’t keep it to himself so he shares the excellent theme song with Jah.
26:48 – Robin Williams was a guest on The Tonight Show. Seth knew we were in trouble when he was introduced to Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” He started off with his Jamaican accent. He was instantaneously a magician, then a Confederate soldier, then a baseball announcer, then a deaf guy, then a gay dude from San Francisco, a GPS voice in both a bitchy English accent and a Scottish accent. At this point Seth had to go urinate with one arm up against the wall because he was having a full panic attack. Robin then went into his voice after just inhaling helium, then both he and Jay Leno do battling Schwarzeneggers, then he does a stoner, then he makes his hands talk, then he goes into a Southern hick, then he ends it with his Australian accent since he’s going to do live shows in Australia. He had really bad comedy bits interspersed in there – “What about those green cars? How about a car that runs on shit called the brown car? Put a tube right up my butt and put it right into the car. Fire in the hole!” After this, Judd Apatow comes out and blows Robin for another 10 minutes, showing him a collage he made and talking about the Improv in 1981.
32:45 – Seth watched a special on HBO called Brave New Voices about the 2010 National Youth Poetry Slam Championship in Los Angeles. He saw a lot of snapping from audience members. It was hosted by Common and Rosario Dawson.
36:01 – Seth watched CBS News Sunday Morning, and they were talking about “the big one,” or the next massive earthquake that will hit Southen California (Episode 239, 45:16). Researchers might be able to give people a 1-minute warning before the earthquake hits. They talked about getting an app so people could be alerted. Seth was worried that it might get hacked and that there would be sheer terror for one minute in Los Angeles.
45:19 – Seth watched E:60 on ESPN and saw the Ultimate B-Boy Championships that took place in Las Vegas in August. One kid said, “Represent Russia! If you don’t know today, you will know!” He later said, “Yeah feel good, like a sex machine! James Brown, rest in peace man.” The crew Killifornia lost to the crew from St. Petersburg, Russia, in the finals.
8:55 – Seth was watching the Pacquiao-Margarito: 24/7 on HBO which counts down their fight on Nov. 13 at Cowboys Stadium. Pacquiao’s trainer Freddie Roach is sitting in the VIP section of the airport in the Philippines’ capital city of Manila. He’s on a 10 p.m. direct flight to LAX, Philippines Air Flight 102, waiting for Manny and the crew to show up. Freddie is explaining that Manny doesn’t have to be there on time because he doesn’t have to go through security, etc., and can get there 10 minutes before the flight. He actually doesn’t show up until 10:15 p.m. and the plane waits for him.
20:45 – Seth was watching Parking Wars, which is dipping into Philly and Detroit. In Philly, people park like assholes. In Detroit, people are driving around and giving tickets out that are suspect at best. One woman named Joyice is getting a ticket and a boot and comes out with her mom to chew out the two female parking authority cops. The mom says, “Trust me, God’s got his eyes on all of us, and we will answer to him one day. You will answer. You’re gonna see his face, and I don’t think you gonna like it.” The parking lady replies, “You can’t sic God on people like he’s a dog. Booting your car is about paying a debt.” Joyice’s mom: “Jesus Christ paid the debt for me when he went to the cross for us all.” Parking lady: “God ain’t got nothin’ to do with this.” Joyice: “You need to get God in your life!” Parking lady: “I go to church every Sunday, and I don’t want to have a discussion about Jesus because that’s one thing I don’t debate about.” Joyice’s mom: “You have to repent. Christ paid the debt.” Parking lady: “But the parking tickets weren’t included.”
33:26 – This Wednesday at 8 p.m. on ABC, you can watch the Country Music Association Annual Awards. Making her country performance debut is Gwyneth Paltrow, singing the song “Country Strong,” which is the title of her upcoming film in December.
3:49 – John Quiñones is back with What Would You Do? They set up a woman as a phony panhandler and smudged her face with makeup. She was sitting outside of a café in New York City with huge Ray-Bans and blue blockers and a cane. She was asking for change from passer-bys and made sure that the guy close by eating lunch saw the whole charade of her parking and doing herself up and asking for change. The guy watched her ask for money from eight different people and did nothing. Quiñones walked up and asked why he didn’t challenge her. The man replies, “Well, I did some acting in the past, and I know that sometimes you need to get into character to be able to act that way.”
13:49 – Seth says that if you want to know how Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance of “Country Strong” went at the CMAs, you need to look at the face of Miranda Lambert during the standing ovation, and that will sum it up.
14:33 – Seth watched a segment on CBS Sunday Morning on Loretta Webb, a coal miner’s daughter. When she was 13 years old she was at a pie social in Butcher Holler, Kentucky. She met a 22-year-old guy named Oliver Vanetta Lynn, nicknamed “Doo” or “Moonie,” because he made a living running moonshine. A month later they were married and Loretta Webb became Loretta Lynn, and by the time she was 18 they had four kids.
30:44 – Seth watched Black Girls Rock on BET, “celebrating the brilliance of black women.” There was a woman motivator named Iyanla Vanzant who took to the stage: “I share this award with women who were told they could not and should not and they said, ‘Ta Da!’ and did it anyway. Black girls rock because we have no other choice!”
31:54 – Seth learned that his friend from Parking Wars, Joyice (Episode 244, 20:45), is pronounced “Joyous.”
48:41 – Seth watched the 2010 MTV Europe Music Awards, which took place in Madrid, Spain. Bon Jovi was singing “It’s My Life” and there was a stadium full of people on each other’s shoulders going absolutely nuts and moving rhythmically.
3:54 – J-Dawg’s old man did a three-episode arc on CSI: New York. Seth thought he was the killer, but he was unscrupulous and did it all for the family. 15:04 – Seth watched People magazine’s 2010 Sexiest Man Alive special on ABC. It featured Ryan Reynolds, whose wife, Scarlett Johannsen, who won 2010 GQ Babe of the Year. They were in the conference room brainstorming, and behind them is a white board where they’re throwing out names. Seth paused his flatscreen HDTV to see who was on the board: Leonardo DiCaprio, Bradley Cooper, Jon Hamm, Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco, Justin Timberlake, Tim McGraw and ….. Ryan Seacrest.
41:43 – Seth tuned in for some What Would You Do? with John Quiñones. They did the old “slip and fall” routine where a supermarket employee sprays water on the floor and somebody else eats it. There was a guy there to fix the refrigerator, and they make the girl go over there to tell him she was having a hard day and asked him not to say anything. For a split second she was getting chesty with him, and it gave Seth the idea that they should make the show be a sex trap show and call it What Would You Not Do?
41:52 – Before Seth goes into his Quiñones show description, Jah stops him to ask if he watches Two And A Half Men. Seth says no.
47:46 – The Better Business Bureau has issued a warning bulletin called “’Tis The Season for Holiday Scams.” Although 20/20 last week did a scam watch on the BBB and realized that all you need to do is pay them money and you go from a C- to an A+. Some asshole complained about waiting an extra day for a book at a legit LA bookstore and so the BBB graded her with a C. They strong-armed her and asked for $300, and she did it and they gave her business an A. They started a BBB for a fake business for Hamas and Stormfront, the neo-Nazi business. They paid money and got A-pluses.
4:37 – The Hallmark Channel has four Christmas movies coming in December. On Dec. 2, it’s The Santa Suit starring Kevin Sorbo; on Dec. 4 it’s Farewell Mr. Kringle starring Christine Taylor; on Dec. 9 it’s The Santa Incident staring Ione Skye; and on Dec. 18 it’s Battle of the Bulbs starring Daniel Stern. Jah thinks the best/worst one will be between Sorbo and Skye.
10:53 – Seth declares Storage Wars on A&E as being “totally awesome.” Seth watched as 30 dudes in Victorville opened a unit in 114-degree heat and just looked in to pick out what they wanted. One guy, Barry Weiss, brought a midget on stilts so he could have a better vantage point to look into the unit. One guy bought a cardboard box out of Suge Knight’s home that got foreclosed on. He didn’t know what was in it, but opened it up and it was Bernini of Beverly Hills custom-made clothes for Suge that had “Custom Styled for Suge Knight” stitched in. One dude opened up a unit that had industrial kitchen stuff in it, and spent $2,600 and made $20,000.
41:10 – Seth watched Sunday Night Football on NBC with the Giants and Eagles, and they had a camera on the Giants’ pre-game huddle to get hyped up. Giants RB Brandon Jacobs is screaming, “We hungry! Let’s eat! You ain’t supposed to eat Eagles, dammit! It’s against the goddamn law, but we gonna eat ‘em tonight!”
42:46 – NatGeo’s Wild Justice follows the California Department of Fish & Game as they roll up on some bear hunters who are getting their pickup party on. They roll a bear down the hill and it’s spilling blood because they’ve cut the gall bladder out. They have to interrogate them until one of them pulls it out of a Zip-loc bag and makes him cut it up before they can leave. They’re also in Chinatown of San Francisco, and finding deer cock and other things you can’t sell.
47:21 – Chelsea Handler was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and as she came out the band played “Candy Shop” as an homage to her possible relationship with 50 Cent. She talked about going to Cabo San Lucas for Thanksgiving. She tells Jay she can’t take 50 to Cabo because he can’t swim very well. Jay Leno says, “It’s Fitty.” Handler: “I don’t know, I call him Curtis when we’re having sex.” Jay asks, “Curtis what?” and she can’t think of it. She sits and rolls her eyes and admits she doesn’t know.
16:12 – What Would You Do? if you were a father at a restaurant sitting across from your 16-year-old son and he says to you, “Father, I’m gay.” They set the scenario up and the dad went crazy, saying “My son’s not gay! It’s disgusting! I want to have grandkids. You’re not gay, not in our family. There’s no one who’s ever been gay!” There was another scenario with the mother where she turned on him as well, but people around her had no probem weighing in on that one.
29:55 – Seth recalls the show Amish In The City, which was on UPN in the summer of 2004. It was five Amish teams experiencing their Rumspringa. Last month, Seth is fast-forwarding through a documentary he recorded on his DVR called Amish at the Alter on NatGeo. There was a dude named Mose who reminded him of his boy mose from Amish In The City, but then again they all looked the same. Low and behold, he’s watching Amish: Out of the Order on NatGeo, featuring a town, Columbia, Mo., where they take people if they decide to leave the Amish faith. There was Mose Gingrich, who is a sort of community leader and owns a construction company, and he realizes it’s the same dude in all these shows.
40:56 – Larry King had his last episode on CNN last week. Seth Googled “uhh yeah dude larry king” and realized there were a lot of instances in which they talked about him. Seth found that Larry had Deborah Tate – Roman Polanski’s former sister-in-law – on the show once. He asked her, “Do you ever talk to Roman Polanski.” She indicated that she had, then he replied, “Wow, how can you have a civil conversation with someone who so brutally murdered your sister?”
19:18 – Seth was watching the 79th annual Hollywood Christmas Parade (Episode 045, 54:07; Episode 057, 8:06; Episode 196, 15:47), which Jah thought was canceled. This year it featured Tito Ortiz and his wife Jenna Jameson, with zero mention by Eric Estrada or anyone involved of what Jenna does for a living. There was also Martin Cove – the sensei of the Cobra Kai in Karate Kid I, II and III. (Jah saw Cove at a bar not long ago), and Ace Young – who finished in 7th place on American Idol five years ago.
51:09 – Seth was watching 60 Minutes the other day, and they have six people with a memory so incredible it’s called “super autobiographical memory.” They remember in detail every single day of their lives. They’re all highly-functioning people. One of the six people is actress Marilu Henner.
2:24 – Start the year off this Monday night on Lifetime with The Craigslist Killer: “Be careful what you search for.” The bus poster features the delete button from a keyboard with a blood-stained fingerprint and the female gender symbol on it.
7:09 – Seth recommends watching another documentary to your queue in addition to the two mentioned in Episode 251: the TLC special Extreme Couponing. Four people who are master couponers at the top of their game show you how to be the best. One of the women who also likes to dumpster dive: “Don’t judge me, but I cashier profile.”
26:04 – Thanks to HBO’s little cousin Showtime, this Sunday, Jan. 9, Seth will get a seven-episode series of a show titled Episodes starring Matt LeBlanc. It’s about an English husband-and-wife team who have a hit show in England and they’ve come to America to remake it. LeBlanc gets cast in it.
53:01 – Seth watched a Bait Car episode from San Francisco and was blown away. Usually a bait car needs to sit on the street for 9 to 14 minutes before people sit in it, but in San Francisco they leave the bait car in the Tenderloin district for a matter of seconds and the car has already been taken. There was a black guy in his 60s in the Mission who gets in the car, and he’s in full disbelief that he got a car. He’s so excited and in a dream state that he captured the vehicle and laughs to himself that he’s a drunk driver. Another guy is arrested and claims it’s not stolen. One guy won’t give his name and finally says “Fair Game. That’s my whole name.” He says he’s from Mars, then says “You got tapes? I got tapes. You wanna see my tapes?”
25:24 – Paula Abdul has a new show about dance. They introduce her to a girl who’s nearly in tears because they had met before. When the girl was 12 years old, a car drove through her dance studio and nearly killed her. Paula Abdul hugs her and comforts her but doesn’t appear to recall the incident ever happening.
27:38 – The People’s Choice Awards gave Favorite Comedic Star to Adam Sandler and the Favorite Comedy to Grown Ups. He went up on stage to receive his award and had a black eye. His speech: “I have a black eye and I’m sorry. I wanted to go to a concert, I wanted to see the Black-Eyed Peas, and the lady thought I said, ‘Black eye, please.’”
31:09 – Jamie Kennedy had a Showtime special that Seth kept putting off watching. He finally did his due diligence and sat down to watch it. This is at the time when he is dating Jennifer Love Hewitt. He says, “I hate being away from her. I have to travel a lot and I get lonely at night.” He holds up his hand. “This becomes my Party of Five. I Know What You Did Last Summer. I Can’t Hardly Wait.”
36:51 – Roger Ebert was on CBS Sunday Morning. He has a new book out called The Pot and How to Use it: The Mystery and Romance of the Rice Cooker. The problem is he had his jaw removed and it’s scary looking because he’s missing a large part of his face. Seth was freaked out when he saw him with the rice cooker and turning to the camera to hold up a bowl of what he’d cooked to reveal no face. Seth: “You had your back to me. All I saw was you in the kitchen working and I was like, ‘I love this guy! That’s my dog! He’s been at this rice cooker for an hour. Very mysterious over here, but I smell ginger.’ And then you turn around to hand me a bowl with no face? Fuck off! I’m not eating today, tonight or ever. Literally.”
13:03 – Jason Alexander is going to do a pilot for CBS. The role requires him to play more than one person and is a detective storyline. Jah thinks Larry David should make a show called George, and Seth erupts in an orgasm of joy at the awesomeness of that idea.
16:58 – Jonathan watched a National Geographic special called Solitary Confinement, which is about lifers trapped within the “six-color” prison system. The lowest color means you’re in isolation 23 hours a day. They go in and film and interview these prisoners. All of them interviewed in the documentary were in prison for non-violent crimes. One was in for selling stolen computer equipment and sentenced to 11 years, but got into an altercation within his first month there and attacked somebody, so he was in the hole. They interview the prison guards, who literally hate the prisoners because every time they get out of a cell they try to rip their faces off. The guards say, “They mentally deteriorate over time. They definitely are worse now then they were.” They have cameras in the cells so they watch the dudes wake up, do crazy sit-ups and go into a crazy cycle of touching 12 things and wiping their forehead, etc. One guy had gotten 99 years tacked onto his sentence while living in isolation. In order to ever get out of that, you have to do nothing bad for 3-4 years. One old Cholo dude who has been in there 9 years said, “I don’t know how these guys do it. When I get like that, I meditate.” He goes into a deep meditative state. He’s the most together of them all. One of the dudes has been in isolation and is up for parole but never gets out of isolation before being released. He gets out and his mom runs up to him, and you can see a complete absence in his eyes. … Jah watches this documentary and is convinced that the system doesn’t work. He encourages everyone to instant queue that bad boy because it’s very well done. Jah says it’s better than Lockdown because he gets nightmares from it.
9:15 – Jah watched a little bit of Teen Mom 2. He thinks MTV could maybe be prosecuted for a criminal act of some sort for what they’ve done with their programming to take something that was one thing and then turn it into a completely different thing.
36:20 – Syfy Network has a show called Face Off. It’s a competition elimination reality series exploring the world of special effects, makeup artists and the unlimited imagination that allows them to create amazing works of living art. It’s on at Wednesday night at 10 p.m. Seth’s whole life, he has never known anyone who was on a reality TV show, except now he does. There’s a young woman on this show who Seth worked with at one point. Seth will not reveal where he worked with this young woman named Megan. Megan will agree with Seth that she is a thinker and sometimes she thinks so much about makeup that things happen in life.
44:24 – Seth watched NOVA scienceNow with Neil Degrasse Tyson. “Can we make it to Mars?,” he asked. If it were to happen it would be a multi-year journey, and the Johnson Space Center in Houston is making food that has to be thermostabilized to be able to last more than 5 years. They give him both a two-year-old pork chop and an eight-year-old pork chop and he can’t tell which one is which. Then they give him a freeze-dried bag with five-year-old shrimp cocktail, and he eats it no problem. Jah thinks space travel should be done family style, where spaceships are big enough to sustain an incredible amount of time and allow people to breed and generate more people that can man the ship as the other people die.
47:31 – A Pioneers of Televsion episode is coming up on PBS next week all about the western, which has translated now into the space genre.
1:02:22 – John Quiñones asks What Would You Do? if there was an old-ass man with a trenchcoat stealing stuff from a grocery store. The actor basically steals a box of Jell-o and a can of tuna. When an old dude would come by with a carriage, he just kind of shrugged it off. Every single woman in the supermarket, however, would call him out immediately and bring attention to his theft every time. Jah and Seth thinks there’s not a chance in hell they would narc this guy out.
16:42 – Jah wants to talk about TV because he doesn’t get to do it too much, but now that he’s been housesitting he’s been open to the world. His new favorite show is You’re Cut Off on VH1. He doesn’t know quite what he’s responding to yet.
18:21 – Seth revisits his show Face Off with his friend Megan (Episode 255, 36:20). He was hoping to be able to report on crazy stuff she said each week, but they didn’t really feature her too much in the first episode. He then got a phone call saying there’s bonus footage on the website that didn’t make the show, which really shows off Megan’s talents. At one point she makes a crazy ostrich character and gets critiqued on it. Later, at the house, she complains that she didn’t understand what was going on: “So… he said, um, ‘ar var var…’” The other contestant: “He said avant garde.” Megan: “I thought he told me it was like something from Olive Garden. I don’t speak French!” The other contestant laughs in her face and tells her avant garde isn’t a bad thing. “Well it’s better than Olive Garden! … I love their breadsticks.”
21:38 – America’s Most Wanted is up to 1,140 captures. There was a BOLO (Be On the Lookout) for Henry Chavez, 29, 3 feet 11 inches tall, 85 pounds with a mole on his left cheek. He killed a man in Maryland and could be in Mexico. Police don’t know. John Walsh: “He’s a little person, but cops say he’s very dangerous. Call us if you know where he is.”
40:37 – Seth reflects on his jam, Extreme Couponing (Episode 252, 7:09). TLC has now picked it up for a 12-episode series, which will profile a new super couponer during a half-hour episode each week.
41:15 – Jah caught an episode of Teen Mom 2. He says those shows are crazy.
41:47 – Seth is still out of Jersey Shore, but finds out they’re going to Italy for the fourth season. It’s like they’re doing everything they can to make it impossible for Seth not to watch. They might as well go to Haverhill.
50:58 - John Quiñones asks What Would You Do? if there was a female waiter serving an overweight woman who orders a bacon cheeseburger and onion rings, and encourages her to order a salad instead. Every time the waitress leaves, every woman from every table says it’s unbelievable and she should be able to do what she wants while hugging her. Every guy at every table doesn’t say a word, even when the women try to engage them.
3:15 – This past weekend’s Saturday Night Live featured Dana Carvey and Linkin Park.
12:30 Jeopardy!, on Monday-Wednesday, Feb. 14-16, will feature IBM’s Watson supercomputer taking on Ken Jennings, who has the most consecutive wins (74) from 2004-2005, and also Brad Rudder, who had the most earnings on the show ($3.2 million) from 2001, 2002 and 2005. First place will get $1 million, second place will get $300,000 and third place $200,000. If the computer wins it, all of it goes to charity. 52:03 – Seth watched Dr. Hansen do The Hansen Files where he busted psychics, tarot card readers and air duct service cleaning people.
17:36 – When Seth gets scared, he turns to his advice guru on Good Morning America, Liz Pryor. Robin Roberts asked her, “You believe in being straight-forward.” Liz responded, “I shoot from the hip – but with a lot of heart.”
10:31 – Watson destroyed those humanoid fools on Jeopardy! Jah thinks the teens on the Teen Tournament should go up against an iPhone.
18:16 – Time magazine has an article called “The Truth About Sex Addicts,” featuring a creepy dude laying in a bed. He was on the Today show talking about how his compulsion would overtake his person: “I was involved with a girl and she was out of town. I cheated on her Friday night, on Saturday night, on Sunday. On the way to picking her up at the airport on Monday I stopped and had sex with a street prostitute. After I looked in my rear-view mirror, what I thought was red lipstick was actually blood from the prostitute’s mouth, so I stopped at a gas station bathroom, I cleaned it off, I picked up my girl and we had sex, unprotected, as soon as we got home, in the same bed that I had sex in all weekend with these three other women.”
24:51 – Seth was watching the Adult Entertainment Expo 2011 on the G4 Network. They had a company called Sweet Sinner, which is referred to as “girlfriend porn” that you can watch with your partner. The slogan: “Real stories, real sex, real positions, real intimacy.”
26:44 – They did a new Cathouse where they introduced the new girls. Seth’s boner inverted into his own body because of how gross it was.
34:54 – Good Morning America was in Times Square this morning with Sam Champion. A girl was holding up a sign that says KISS ME SAM surrounded by stars and hearts with a hole cut out of it so she could stick her face through it and try to kiss the gay weatherman. Sam puts his cheek out and she kisses him on the cheek.
47:53 – Seth follows up on the 3-foot, 1-inch criminal, Henry Chavez, from America’s Most Wanted (Episode 256, 21:38). He was in El Salvador and they brought him back to the U.S. A U.S. Marshal met him at the airport and said the little guy just looked at him and said, “Hey, just good to be back.”
3:40 – David Arquette was on Oprah today. His yoga instructor, Dale, told him, “Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
20:13 – Seth watched NOVA scienceNow with Neil deGrasse Tyson. They showed robots people were building. One guy made one that looks like Phillip Dick and he sits on the dude’s couch in his house. From behind it looks like a robot, but if you’re sitting across from it, it looks creepily similar to a human.
26:21 – Twenty years ago this week, what did John Goodman, Jasmine Guy and Kenny Rogers have in common? They were all on Arsenio. Jah was in love with Jasmine Guy and loved A Different World with her and Kadeem Hardison.
42:10 – Seth watched Our America with Lisa Ling on Oprah Winfrey Network. She profiled 5 transgendered lives. Tonya is living as a man, and was working out at the gym with dudes gathered around amazed. Tonya says: “Since I’ve started the testosterone, my sex drive has changed. Like I’ve got these sexual feelings that I want, like a man. It’s crazy. Sometimes I really think to myself, ‘How do men hold themselves back?’”
55:21 – John Quiñones and What Would You Do? created a thing called “My Scenario” where viewers sent in their own scenarios. A teacher in middle school thought it would be a good assignment for the class, but she realized halfway through reading the rules that you had to be 21 years old to participate. She wrote a passionate letter to them and they decided to pay the school a visit. Quiñones shows up and the class goes bananas. They go around the room and ask what their scenarios are. Some responses: “Hijacking a car.” … “A lost child.” … “Child abuse.” … “Attempted suicide.” … “Kidnapping.” … “Fans fighting at a baseball game.” … “You’re driving through the countryside during a strong storm and a tree falls on the car. You know, I thought it over with my parents and we came up with car crash.”
23:07 – Seth watched Billy Bush on Access Hollywood and he was being way too energetic and it creeped Seth out.
32:14 – Jonathan watched a little John Quiñones the other day and thought of Seth because he got to see it in live action. It featured two white ladies with a black adopted baby and some shop owner making racist remarks. Seth says that if John Quiñones has taught us anything, when you go out into the world you have to assume at any time that you’ll be captured by hidden cameras for What Would You Do? so that you have to put your best food forward in any situation.
14:41 – Seth watched the 42nd annual NAACP Image Awards (Episode 054,4:09) – a multicultural awards show from an African American point of view. The nominees for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture were Don Cheadle in Brooklyn’s Finest, Idris Elba for Takers Michael Ealy for For Colored Girls, Samuel L. Jackson for Mother and Child and Justin Timberlake for The Social Network. The winner was Samuel L. Jackson, but Seth is having a tough time with the Timberlake nomination.
39:49 – Seth watched James Ellroy’s show James Ellroy’s Los Angeles: City of Demons. He’s an old-school guy whose second ex-wife, Helen Knode, a writer living in Los Angeles, gave him old crime photos as a gift. She happened to stumble across police files of his mother’s murder, a manila folder entitled “Jean Ellroy.” It only contained one thing, an 8-by-10 black-and-white photograph of James Ellroy taken 10 minutes after he learned his mother had been murdered. He’s standing at the kitchen sink with the LAPD officers there. She framed it, wrapped it up and gave it to him as a present on Christmas Day. He was 45 years old at the time this happened, and had never seen this photograph of a repressed memory, and loses his shit. They got divorced and he lost his mind, it’s been 25 years since and he’s written a ton of crazy books.
52:55 – Seth saw a commercial that aired during the Super Bowl featuring a guy and a girl at the end of a date sharing a soft romantic good-night kiss. He jumps in his car and the car talks to him: “Good evening, what would you like to do?” He responds,” Facebook news feed.” Car replies: “First post, Jennifer French: ‘Best first date ever!’” The narrator: “The all-new Chevy Cruze with real-time Facebook status updates. When the good news just can’t wait.”
1:08:13 – Seth watched HGTV’s Secrets From A Stylist with friend of the show Emily Henderson, winner of the reality show Design Star. She has to meld a couple’s personal styles together. She does this by running a style diagnostic on them. Seth thinks everyone in the world should have one of these done on them.
33:33 – Seth watched a guy from The Wall Street Journal on Charlie Rose because he wanted to watch him explain what “the cloud” was. This is all he heard: “Abstraction, geolocation, servers, zips, bits, bytes, browsers, drives, session IDs, plug-ins, cluster, software, interface, data, IT, dynamic provisioning, peer-to-peer, mainframe, processing, grid, infrastructure, access systems, dynamics, metering platform, applications, hardware, network, via, tiers, internals, hybrids, hosting, sourcing, computing, cookies, tablets, torrents, components, flashes, algorithms, viruses, docks, encryption and coding. … That’s the cloud.”
53:54 – Seth watched COPS because it’s the best show ever. A dude is getting arrested and the cop asks him, “Have you ever been arrested?” Seth couldn’t believe he asked him, because every single time the answer is “Yes.”
50:06 – Seth watched 60 Minutes with the Archbishop of New York, Tim Dolan. He’s the worst dude ever.
9:54 – Seth watched Who Do You Think You Are? on NBC. This week it featured Steve Buscemi. Steve met with a geneologist at the Municipal Archives in NYC from Ancestry.com. They talk about his great-grandmother, who lived at 207 Seventh Ave. in Brooklyn. Buscemi looks shocked, and remarks that it’s the same address as one of his favorite restaurants – where his wife and he ate last night.
7:56 – When you think no one’s watching, do you step in, step up or step away? What Would You Do? with John Quiñones.
10:17 – There’s a show on Showtime called Gigolos that features five gigolos. It’s produced by Jah’s homie, Richard Grieco.
20:06 – Three TV shows are on next Sunday from 9-11 and everyone in the room needs to be in front of their TVs: 9:00-9:30 – Audrina: Mark Burnett and VH1 have teamed up to give a never-before-seen look into the life of Audrina Patridge. From 9:30-10:00 is the premiere of Saddle Ranch, featuring young people coming to L.A. to chase their dreams and pay their bills while working at the hottest place on the Sunset Strip – The Saddle Ranch Chop House. From 10:00-11:00 we go to TruTv and watch Police: POV, a stunning new series that will allow viewers to experience the intensity of police work through officers’ own point of view.
42:33 – Seth watched the 24th annual Kid’s Choice Awards with Jack Black. Seth watched Steven Tyler give an award to Johnny Depp and wondered who was wearing more articles of clothing. It was Depp.
51:29 – The NewNowNext Awards (Episode 223, 31:56) are coming up again. At this point Jah is taking offense that they haven’t been recognized yet.
7:32 – The Mother Nature Network (“Improve Your World”) had a story on its website about the 7 funniest eco-comedians. Kristen Wong was one of the comedians. “People say it’s hard for single women in LA, but ladies, take the bus here and suddenly you’ll find that men offer you nothing but affirmation, affirmation, affirmation. Sure, some of them are wearing an adult diaper and nothing else, but…”
18:22 – Extreme Couponing is back. “I’m Nathan. They call me Mr. Coupon. I’m not your grandma, who uses coupons and clips one. I clip 20. I try to target what I’m buying, and I buy a lot of it. I’m like a marksman. Instead of a marksman who’s hunting a deer, I’m hunting deodorant.”
22:39 – Happy Endings on ABC features a lot of face acting. One scene gives the same character a different hairstyle after cutting away.
30:08 – Taking their cue from Lost, satellite service provider DirecTV is doing enhanced versions of Damages. The plot and character subtitles are written by writers on the show and appear on the screen to give viewers a look at the episodes they missed. DirecTV will launch the fourth season of Damages this summer and will show all three of the past seasons as enhanced repeats.
42:13 – Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution brings him into the LA public school system. They’re not listening to him. They’re just drinking chocolate milk and strawberry milk.
10:55 – Discovery Network is launching a television network for rich guys and their toys called Velocity. It will be piped into about 40 million homes soon. The target audience is men with incomes of $150,000 and above – high net worth listeners.
16:43 – Gigolos is a crazy show. The dudes are so perved out. Seth describes it as The Hills meets Cathouse. Seth warns you not to watch it with grandma.
31:59 – Triple Rush on the Travel Channel profiles bike messengers in New York City. A “triple rush” is when you have to deliver a package in Manhattan in less than 15 minutes. Seth chooses to watch the show until someone’s bike gets stolen, and a dude loses both of his tires 20 minutes into the show.
38:16 – Seth watched the documentary Gun Fight on HBO about gun control directed by Barbara Koppel. She profiled Harlan County, Ky. There were also dudes in Philly talking about their guns and referring to them as “jawns.”
48:42 – Cee-Lo Green, who will be one of the judges on the NBC talent competition The Voice hosted by Carson Daly, has leased actor Frankie Muniz’s Hollywood Hills area house (Episode 004, 26:19) – listed at $3,195,000 – at $10,000 a month. Built in 1941, it’s been remodeled with an open floor plan. It’s a 4,200 square foot home. Muniz bought the house in 2006 for $3,499,000 and has been leasing it out since.
58:52 – Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel features mini competitive cheerleaders aged 7 and 8. It reminded Seth of when he saw little tiny kids doing ballroom dancing on Dancing With the Stars (Episode 114, 14:54).
22:10 – Girls Night Out: The Superstar Women of Country on CBS features the Judds. There is a lot going on with Winona. Carrie Underwood was on there, and Vince Gill came out to honor her by singing one of her songs. He sings “Jesus Take the Wheel,” and as the camera cuts over to her she’s closing her eyes and lifting up her hand, and it spreads like wildfire throughout the whole audience.
27:51 – Seth watched The Set-Up Squad on Logo. There was a guy on there who said, “I can’t fix the train tracks until I see the train wreck.”
9:30 – Seth was watching his all-time favorite TV program, Happy Endings, and they did an Osama bin Laden joke. One of the characters was trying to catch a mouse in an apartment and said, “That mouse is like my bin Laden – Jessica bin Laden, this super-hot Arab girl I went to college with.” Then he starts to talk again, Seth sees his mouth moving and there’s no audio. Seth wondered what ABC did, then got ahold of some connections in Hollywood to figure it out. He got ahold of the original script in QuickTime, and figures out the next line: “… Always the one that got away.”
26:52 – Seth watched Steel Divas on Lifetime – an hour-long look at competitive female bodybuilders
28:25 – Seth watched Stonewall Uprising on PBS – a wonderful documentary, part of the American Experience series about the Stonewall gay bar riots in the summer of 1969 in NYC that started the modern-day gay rights movement. There was a drag queen featured named Captain Faggot.
37:57 – Seth watched a COPS episode from 1994 in which perps were fighting in a gas station where regular unleaded gasoline cost $1.01.
48:43 – The fourth season finale of Chuck is May 16.
13:41 – Seth watched Pretty Hurts on Logo. It’s about a registered nurse named Rand Rusher, who they call “Mr. Fix It.” He’s a skin care therapist/specialist in Beverly Hills. He’s into the freezers/fillers injectible game. Someone asked him if he saved lives. “I save social lives.”
27:32 – What Would You Do? with John Quiñones – a woman jumps over to a table. When she has one-on-one time, she says “I almost butt in because I just watched a TV show on television, it said, Would you do what’s right?” Later in the same sitch: “Listen, I just watched a TV show, Should You Get Involved? and I have some strong feelings…”
29:44 – Jah got hooked on The Voice while he was in NYC. Jah thought he would make a good contestant on that show if they couldn’t see him.
49:25 – The Discovery Network is working on a show they might release this summer called Moonshiners that follows a diverse group of people living in Appalachia who carry on a 200-year-old tradition carried on by their forefathers of making moonshine.
22:24 – The Game Show Network is developing a Bible quiz show.
24:28 – Jonathan was watching a fight the other night on ESPN, and the fighter had “JESUS DIDN’T TAP” written across the back of his shorts.
27:57 – This Wednesday is Oprah’s last show. Seth is going to the craziest Oprah viewing party at Jamie Foxx’s house. They’ve been showing clips from old shows, and Seth sees one from 1988 on skinheads.
38:33 – MSNBC – Sex Slaves: Motor City.
44:00 – CBS Sunday Morning featured a reincarnation convention. Participants go through a deep hypnosis.
50:43 – Dr. Hansen was on The Hansen Files on Dateline NBC on Sunday night. He’s busting repairmen who are overcharging customers for things they don’t need. It was hard for Seth to watch him relegated to such trivial BS when he could be busting peeds. After Hansen busts a garage door repairman, the guy gets really pissed and recognizes Hansen and says, “You should be busy out finding pedophiles rather than doing this shit,” then gets in his truck and speeds off.
7:33 – Jonathan watched a shark documentary on NatGeo at his friend’s house. It was about Great White research – dudes standing in an aluminum putt-putt boat in the middle of the ocean with SLR cameras taking pictures. The sharks were always running in a crew together versus going solo. All the sharks care about is eating seals. One female Great White comes up underneath the boat and bites the engine, then goes back down again and comes up, and it’s a minimum of 7 feet longer than the entire boat. Jah was physically scared sitting on a couch watching it in high-def on his friend’s 60-inch TV.
10:25 – The Hansen Files on Dateline NBC confronts bike thieves in New York City. He also busted bath salts distributors. To bust one dude, he dresses in Under Armour and begins grilling him. At one point, he goes, “Well Andrew, there’s something you need to know…” Andrew responds, “What? Chris Hansen?”
44:23 – 254 television shows will be on this summer.
15:35 – Sand Masters on the Travel Channel profiles people who take sand and create magic. Jah dipped into some Storage Wars. Jah and Seth both recommend Big Fat Gypsy Weddings on TLC.
17:52 – Seth watched CNBC and saw Code Wars: America’s Cyber Threat about cyber attacks. It sent him into a full panic.
32:51 – Seth watched Human Trafficking on CNBC. It was no joke.
1:05:46 – Seth says thank-you to his friend Gary Samuel Trock, who sported an Uhh Yeah Dude t-shirt on TMZ.
26:14 – Seth watched the first of the HBO documentary series “Life Happens” about the American-born chess player Bobby Fischer. It was called Bobby Fischer Against the World.
21:01 – The Daytime Emmy Awards featured Jonathan Jackson winning Outstanding Supporting Actor for his role as Lucky Spencer in General Hospital. JJ is 29 and has been playing Lucky since age 11.
34:24 – Celebrity Close Calls on Bio is a TV show that talks to celebrities about close calls. Ice T talked about being in Compton at age 21 and driving home at 9 a.m. He was falling asleep and his foot slipped off the break and he got T-boned in an intersection and almost died. … Ed Begley Jr. told a story that Seth did not know. On Feb. 17, 1972, he was a 22-year-old kid who wanted to go with his buddy Paul to Gardena and play cards. He goes to the Normandy Club to play poker. He gets on a bus at Santa Monica and Western to head south. At Western and Imperial Highway in Compton, the bus driver says “end of the line.” He gets off the bus and a group of teenagers come at him and his buddy. Paul takes off running and they beat Begley senseless. They only stop when a car passes by and the crowd disperses. They’ve also been stabbing him and he’s bleeding out. He is rushed to a hospital and his lungs were collapsed, and they open up his body to get him to stop hemorraghing, and they save him and he goes on to be Ed Begley Jr.
57:08 – Seth watched Hot Coffee, part of his 13-week Monday night HBO documentary series. It’s all about tort laws and uses the story of the bitch who spilled hot McDonald’s coffee on herself in 1994 and sued the restaurant for it. The story about it was she was a passenger in a parked car. She was 81 or 82 when it happened and they showed a picture of her – it looked like her skin had been melted off by hydrochloric acid. It was all up her inner thighs. Seth felt terrible because she’d been talking shit about this lady for 20 years.
59:39 – There was a new show on the ID Network called Disappeared. This episode was called “Mystery at the Border” about the family that disappeared – the McStays (Episode 274, 29:45). The detectives on the case were completely stumped as to where they were.
20:27 – Jah watched about 10 minutes of a show called The Marriage Ref. The only episode Jah saw with an Asian man and a blonde woman who owned ducks, and the female duck had been laying eggs. The problem they were having was the man started collecting the eggs and was trying to get the wife to eat them. The wife thought that was gross. The man thought it was a waste since the duck was sitting on them all day. She said he could eat them, and his response was, “There’s no way I can eat 21 eggs.”
1:06:00 – Jah saw Kid Rock on Piers Morgan Now. J-dawg likes Kid Rock but hates Piers Morgan and doesn’t understand how he’s there and so smugly acting like he’s been there 15 years.
3:02 – Seth watched Inside the Actor’s Studio with James Lipton, where he watched Jennifer Aniston talk about her acting chops.
4:44 – Discovery Channel next week – it’s Shark Week once again.
59:28 – Seth watched Primetime: Nightline Beyond and an episode called “Battle With the Devil.” It had footage of exorcisms and battles with demons. They talked to a preacher of a conservative evangelical Baptist congregation: “The devil doesn’t like anybody. In fact, he hates everybody, but his arms are too short to box with God, so he boxes with us.”
13:32 – Friends With Benefits was a feature film that came out in January of 2011. Friends With Benefits 2, also known as No Strings Attached, came out in July of 2011. Now, this Friday on NBC, there will be a sitcom following a group of friends living in Chicago called Friends With Benefits.
30:51 – Seth watched Same Name on CBS. They took David Hasselhoff, and found a dude living in herda-hadda also named David Hasselhoff. They brought the herda-hadda to a shitty mansion in Encino where celebrity Hasselhoff lives and the dude was blown away.
32:54 – Seth watched Famous Food with Mike and Lonnie of Geisha Food trying to teach imbeciles to put a restaurant together.
35:43 – Seth used to love Cheaters back in the day when it was good. The first time J-dawg watched it he couldn’t believe it was happening. He could have sworn it was illegal and didn’t know how they got away with it.
27:06 – Big Rich Texas on the Style Network and Texas Women on CMT. Also Most Eligible: Dallas on Bravo and Donna Decorates Dallas on HGTV. Later this year ABC will bring us Good Christian Belles, A&E gives us American Hoggers, TNT gives us a remake of Dallas and there will possibly be a Storage Wars: Dallas.
12:47 – Willard Scott on the Today show said a happy birthday from Smuckers and kicked it over to the Birthday Buddies in attendance: “This is Alfred Strong, Hazard, Kentucky, 100 years old, still drives.”
32:25 – Jah doesn’t know much about Hollywood, but he can tell you that the No. 1 problem in Hollywood was, and is, and always will be pedophilia. Nobody talks about it but it’s the big secret and it’s widespread. Corey Feldman, in an interview with ABC Primetime, said “There’s one person to blame in the death of Corey Haim, and that person happens to be a Hollywood mogul. That person needs to be exposed, but unfortunately I can’t be the one to do it. But the person who knows who did it and knows who he is is watching right now. I guarantee you.”
54:54 – Jah has been watching a lot of Law & Order, especially the years featuring Jeremy Sisto. In one recent episode he watched, a gallery owner got stoned to death in a Muslim hate crime.
18:15 – There’s a show that’s coming out this fall on ABC / Disney called Pan Am, which takes place in the 60s and focuses on the stewardesses and pilots. ABC has announced that none of the lead characters will be allowed to smoke cigarettes.
14:10 – Transgender kids are red-hot this week on television. Seth watched a mini doc on the Style Network called “Transgender Kids,” and then on ABC primetime Nightline he watched “My Kid Is Trangender.” One of the segments from the Style Network was actually from a documentary from 2008 called “Born In The Wrong Body.”
25:48 – Las Vegas Jailhouse on TruTV – a woman tells the booking agent, “I don’t have any priors,” and the guy replies, “You were here five hours ago.” She then tells them she has a tattoo of a cupcake on her ass because that’s her name, Cupcake. She tells them it’s on her butt so people can frost it.
26:55 – Just weeks after Fox has dropped America’s Most Wanted, creator/host John Walsh has a new home for the show on the Lifetime Network.
44:10 – Seth watched 20/20 this week. Current TV went to Indonesia to find the smoking baby, Aldi Rizal, and tracked him down a couple months ago. On 20/20 on Friday, they went and talked to him. He was wearing no shirt and shades just chilling like a baby Rick Ross. He’s 4 now and doesn’t smoke anymore, but his mother admitted she caught him doing it behind a hut the other day. Indonesian laws are crazy, and there’s no age limit to smoke and it costs $1 a pack. They advertise them the same way we did in the U.S. in the 1960s but they use modern-day technology to do so. They found another kid whose grandpa lit a cigarette up for him right when he woke up. The grandpa said it was OK as long as the 2-year-old washed it down with a bunch of coffee. There was a doctor who modified a cigarette – using a turkey baster filled with smoke and trying to pump the smoke into his patients.
10:11 – Seth saw a show on the History Channel called Scammed. They had a “short con” – 3 people. Husband and wife walk into a jewelry store, girl working there just started. They walk off to the side, get into an argument. While they’re arguing, the girl looks over but doesn’t want to get too involved. Meanwhile another man walks in to ask for a nice watch for his boss. The woman in the scam has already called ahead to see if they have a specific kind of Rolex because they have a fake that looks just like it. The man has that one in his pocket. All of a sudden the woman smacks the man and everyone looks that way. The third man makes the switcharoo and makes off with a $13,000 watch.
24:35 – Seth watched Planet Rock: Hip-Hop and the Crack Generation on VH1. It was a good documentary.
3:23 – Seth watched Dr. Phil and wants J-dawg to read something in his voice. Dr. Phil had a 4-year-old who weighed 114 pounds. He asked the mom why she was serving him the same size burrito as her and says, “You understand, he’s a miniature human. He is a miniature human, and he’s getting a real human-sized burrito.” There was another 14-year-old who weighed in at 555 pounds.
10:39 – Seth watched some TV this week. He has a three-part, 5 ½-hour documentary about prohibition by Ken Burns on PBS, then he as a two-part, 3 1/2-hour documentary about George Harrison by Martin Scorsese on HBO. … He also watched Dreamliner on CNBC about the Boeing 787 they built in Seattle and gave to an airline in Tokyo. It cost $23 billion to make.
56:34 – The Style Network has a show called Sperm Donor: 74 Kids and More. They profile a guy who was going through law school and needed money and loves busting nuts. He puts his donor number on the Sibling Donor Registry and now anyone can hit him up to reconnect. Seth’s worried about this dude getting murdered by one of his kids.
2:54 – Pete Wentz hosts a show about the 100 Greatest Songs of the 2000s, saying “The 2000s were all about having fun and cutting loose.” The No. 1 song was Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love,” while No. 2 was Outkast’s “Hey Ya.”
10:04 – Seth watched a documentary on CNBC called The Coffee Addiction. It’s the world’s favorite drug because it’s stimulating, euphoric, mildly addictive and habit forming. The doc followed the coffee beans from Peru to Starbucks.
17:27 – It was 80s Week on GMA this week. Sam Champion was talking about sporting those denim overalls back in the day, and he admitted that he would throw one of the straps back over the shoulder.
22:29 – Seth watched Ken Burns’ documentary on PBS on prohibition. He took in a lot of information. It went into effect in January of 1920. He mentioned that in the 1800s the age of sexual consent for a woman in the U.S. was 10 years old.
40:14 – Top Secret Recipe – Friday nights on CMT with Todd Wilbur. Todd is a professional food hacker. In the 80s he came across a chain letter claiming to be a top-secret recipe of Mrs. Field’s cookies. It wasn’t. In 1987 he began creating original clone replicas of America’s favorite foods. His website sells his books and posts new recipes. In Episode 1 he went undercover to find KFC’s original recipe. In Episode 2 he’s going to roll down to the Cinnabon HQ in Sandy Springs, Ga., and make their cinnamon roll. Jah would like to know why he likes the Jack n the Box spicy chicken sandwiches so much (Episode 032, 59:24).
9:55 – Seth watched CBS Sunday Morning and they did a story about pill mills in Florida. Palm Beach County Sheriff Rick Bradshaw talked about the use of prescription pills among teens. He said “the kids have a party and admission to the party – there’s a big bowl, and you drop pills in the bowl. Anytime during the party you just go over to the bowl and grab pills.”
36:24 – Tonight, Thursday Oct. 20 on Showtime, Seth is saying hello to season 2 of Gigolos. The slogan: “Let’s go again.” … and, on CMT, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team 6
6:27 – Seth watched Million Dollar Mind Game on ABC, a game show on Sunday afternoon at 2 p.m. It was based on the hit Russian game show What? Where? When? The host is Vernon Kay from the U.K. One of the questions was, “Often found at airports or at the beach, they’ve been around for thousands of years even though their name still implies they’re new. Thanks to modern technology, thousands of them can fit in the palm of your hand.”
15:51 – Todd Wilbur showed Seth how to make a Bloomin’ Onion from Outback Steakhouse on Top Secret Recipe and now Seth is on the verge of going to Burbank to get one. There’s a Cinnabon .6 miles away from it, so it looks like Seth knows what he’s doing on Sunday.
31:06 – Satellite service DirecTV will premiere a new British TV series on its Audience Network in February 2012. The show stars Chloe Sevigny as a contract assassin who also happens to be a pre-op transsexual named Mia. When Mia learns she has a son by a former girlfriend who is now dying with cancer, she is forced to mix her killer instincts with her newly formed maternal ones.
36:29 – Seth reads another Million Dollar Mind Game question: “There’s a certain group known to stop people in the streets of Virginia and hand them printed materials. The materials are given away freely but have raised tens of millions of dollars for that state’s literacy fund. Can you identify these materials?”
2:35 – The Hallmark Channel is having a “Countdown to Christmas” with more hours of holiday-themed programming than any other network. Seth reads off descriptions of 13 shitty Christmas movies: Love’s Christmas Journey, Mistletoe Over Manhattan, Lucky Christmas, Cancel Christmas, The Case For Christmas, A Christmas Wish, Trading Christmas, Holiday Engagement, A Princess For Christmas, Annie Claus is Coming To Town, The Christmas Pageant, Christmas Comes To Canaan and Christmas Magic.
8:33 – Million Dollar Mind Game on ABC was back this week. A question: “Pretend I’m holding a small black box in my hand. What is in this black box that can prove that 9 + 8 = 5 and 7 + 11 = 6?” The answer is a clock. Another question: “To succeed in this job, professionals need to think inside the box and make the ‘invisible visible,’ according to a famous one. They pull on ropes and they deal with strong winds, but you won’t hear them complain about it.” The answer is mimes.
36:33 – Seth watched Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and enjoyed an interview with Brittany from San Juan, Texas. The question is, “Do you know the party of our president?” The girl looks at them with the deadest-eyed stare. She says, “No.” They ask her, “Do you know what a political party is?” She gets all flustered and admits, “No.” Later, in her confessional: “I know, it’s Democrat, or, …. Grrrr!” and gets frustrated. The next day they have solo dance performances, and she gets freaky. She says, “Today definitely made up for yesterday’s interview. I feel a lot more better.”
45:13 – On Sunday, Nov. 13 on TLC, there will be a new show called All-American Muslim. Welcome to Dearborn, Michigan, where 33,000 of the city’s 100,000 residents are of Arab descent. It’s one nation under suspicion. … Tuesday, Nov. 15 on NatGeo, it’s Knights of Mayhem – full-contact extreme jousting.
50:30 – The Today Show tells Seth about surgical fires – where you’re on fire during surgery because elements of alcohol preparation, oxygen and any sort of electrical cauterizing device can blow your ass up.
10:04 – Seth reads a question from this week’s Million Dollar Mind Game: “It’s the biggest retail chain of its kind and it has the same name as a mode of transportation. Their chief product is named after a completely different mode of transportation.” The answer is Subway.
24:33 – 20th Century Fox is making a serious awards season marketing push for Andy Serkis as Best Supporting Actor for playing Caesar, the hyper-intelligent chimp, in this summer’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The actor also played Gollum and King Kong using motion-capture technology.
56:28 – Todd Wilbur is going to try to crack Dippin’ Dots on Top Secret Recipe.
28:24 - VH1 Classic just broke out an 11-part series called Metal Evolution
39:17 - Jerry Seinfeld did some stand-up on Letterman and got a standing ovation for some of his wack comedy: "I mean, these cell phones! Star 69? That's the number they picked for this thing? (Episode 036, 9:12) … Cialis? The announcer says call your doctor if you have an erection lasting 4 hours? Yeah, I think I knew that already!"
40:49 - Robin Williams did some stand-up on The Tonight Show. He did black guy, then he did Elvis, then he does elderly man, then chimpanzee, then a bird, then Anne Frank, then Quasimoto, then French paparazzo, French cat, French waiter, then he reads a Nigerian scam e-mail from his phone that takes him a minute to find. He then does Clarence Thomas, Rick Perry, Rain Man, then the two of them talk about how excited they are that Billy Crystal is hosting the Oscars. Then he does Jack Nicholson, Buddha, Freud, 3D Porn, then Sofia Vergara.
44:19 - Selling LA on HGTV is Seth and Jah's new favorite show. It's real estate agents selling the craziest SoCal houses you've ever seen in your life and the craziest richest people trying to buy them.
16:25 – Thursday, Dec. 1 at 10 p.m. – the premiere of Weed Wars on Discovery Channel. Go inside the world’s largest medican cannabis dispensary, Oakland’s Harborside Health Center. It’s open 365 days a year, 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.
24:57 – Tuesday, Dec. 6 at 10 p.m.on the Discovery Channel – Moonshiners. It will have another episode on Wednesday, which will be its regular timeslot. We’ll meet Tim the Moonshiner, Tickle the Sidekick, Jesse the Law, and will be introduced to late great Appalachian moonshiner “Popcorn” Marvin Sutton. To avoid a prison term at the age of 62, he committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.
28:32 – Liev Schreiber signed a deal to star in a drama pilot for Showtime. During his negotiations with Showtime, HBO decided to not renew his deal as a voice guy for HBO Sports despite the fact that he’s been doing it for 16 years.
31:44 – HBO’s Paradise Lost 3 on Thursday, Jan. 12
37:17 – Dick Clark hosted a series of seven specials called TV Bloopers on NBC from 1981-1984. That morphed into TV’s Bloopers and Practical Jokes on NBC from 1984-1988. This fall, Dick Clark Productions is bringing back the franchise with Bloopers – a new half-hour syndicated series.
38:32 – Tuesday, Jan. 3 at 8:30 p.m. on ABC – the series premiere of Work It. Kind of like Bosom Buddes, which ran for two seasons (80-81 and 81-82) on ABC.
39:56 – Tuesday, Jan. 3 at 9 p.m. on ABC – Celebrity Wife Swap with Gary Busey and Ted Haggard. On Wednesday, Jan. 4, switch over to CBS at 8 pm.. for I Get That A Lot with Pamela Anderson working at a Victoria’s Secret, Jerry Springer behind the counter at an Italian deli and Dr. Drew working at a LensCrafters.
52:25 – Moonshiners on Discovery is Seth’s jam.
11:09 – The 38th People’s Choice Awards, honoring the very best in popular American culture for 2011, will be broadcast live from the Nokia Theater in downtown LA on CBS on Wednesday, Jan. 11, hosted by The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco. For the category Favorite Male Comedic Actor, the finalists are Adam Sandler for Just Go With It, Ashton Kutcher for No Strings Attached, Bradley Cooper for [The Hangover: Part II, Ryan Reynolds for The Change-Up and Steve Carell for Crazy Stupid Love. For favorite band, the nominees are: Maroon 5, Coldplay, Foo Fighters, Linkin Park and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
22:55 – Oprah’s Next Chapter – she went to Steven Tyler’s lakefront home in Lake Sunapee, N.H., and they got down to brass-tacks, nuts-and-bolts. They talked about “energy charges” and “receptors,” etc.
31:50 – Thursday, Jan. 12, 9 p.m., Animal Planet, a six-episode series: Snake Men of Appalachia. This follows the lives of the Shorts, an extraordinary Appalachian family with deep roots in the serpent handling religion. The series captures the family’s every-day life as they struggle to escape the grinding poverty of eastern Kentucky mountain life while still remaining true to their roots. Together, parents Verlon and Reva are raising two daughters – 16-year-old Denishia and 13-year-old Petey and 8-year-old twin boys, Jeremiah and McKenzie. Verlon attends serpent-handling churches, disappears into the mountains for snake hunts and keeps more than 40 rattlesnakes and copperheads for use in religious services. Reva hates snakes and doesn’t want to be anywhere near them – another struggle for the Shorts and their quest to survive in the mountains of Kentucky.
4:54 – John Quiñones returns next Friday, Jan. 20 for What Would You Do? The website says “Get ready to laugh and cry.”
17:42 – Drugs Inc. on NatGeo: They did crack and hash. In Florida they tried to bust some dude but they couldn’t bust down the door because each door has to be tornado regulated. They just did ecstacy, this week they’re doing hallucinogens and then ketamine. They talk to a DEA agent who claims he absorbed about 1,000 hits of LSD and was hanging onto his reality by a thread.
48:33 – The Lifetime Network trifecta of Saturday night movies. Last Saturday he watched Walking the Halls about popular girls at a LA high school and the security guard dating one of the 17-year-old girls and hooking her friends up with rich clientele at the club. They make sweet coin off it, though. Tomorrow night, Seth will watch Sexting in Suburbia. Rachel and Dina have a close mother-daughter relationship. Dina commits suicide, and Rachel’s search for answers leads her to some painful discoveries about the secrets she was trying to keep and the bullying that was tearing her apart. It helps her understand the pain when a naked picture intended for her boyfriend goes viral. … Next Saturday, it will be Drew Peterson: Untouchable, starring Rob Lowe in a true story about charming Chicago police officer Drew Peterson, who keeps killing wives and getting away with it.
52:46 – First Week In on Discovery features three first-time inmates on their first week in jail. There’s a dude in Tulsa who’s in on $1,000 dollar bond and can’t come through with the $100. … There’s a guy in Denver who goes apeshit on a female officer and gets put in solitary. He needs his Bible, but then three days later he gives up on God.
1:09:23 – Seth watched CNBC’s Customer Disservice, a documentary that explains why 1-800 numbers can be so frustrating in these tough economic times. A call center in Bangalore was bananas.
16:52 – Seth watched Drugs Inc. on NatGeo. An agent was undercover as a biker in what they call the Psychedelic Triangle (Santa Cruz – Berkeley – The Haight) and had long hair and a beard. He shaves quickly and nicks up his face and neck, and then they went into the lab to break it down and the hallucinogenic drugs were seeping through his open wounds.
21:08 – Seth watched Season 11 American Idol and Randy Jackson said, “Do people say that you can sing?”
37:44 – ABC has canceled Work It, Seth’s favorite buddy show, after two episodes.
1:03:38 – In the first episode of the 2007 Fox reality show The Academy, which followed a class of Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department recruits, Henry Marin was portrayed as the class bumbler. On the first day he was caught by his supervisor dozing during orientation. “If he doesn’t have the discipline to come here on Day 1 and show some respect,” says one drill instructor on the show, “then he’s certainly not going to have the discipline to work in the field of law enforcement.” In another episode the deputy has a wardrobe malfunction. “What is wrong with you, recruit?” his drill sergeant shouts. “Your tie’s on backwards on top of your collar. You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Henry Marin’s subpar performance eventually led to his ouster from Academy Class 355 for flunking two role-playing exercises. In one he failed to call for help after a suicidal woman brandished a gun and he was unable to recall the radio code for an emergency. “You blew this one bigtime,” his instructor said. After he failed his second scenario, Marin was dismissed from the academy. “You seem to have no knowledge or understanding of the laws that guide you or allow you to do certain things,” a sergeant tells him on the show when he was let go. “Marin successfully fought to be reallowed in to enroll in a later academy, where he finally successfully graduated,” a department spokesman said. “He certainly wasn’t one of our best.” Earlier this week, Marin was charged in connection with a scheme to smuggle heroin hidden inside of a bean and cheese burrito into a LA courthouse jail. He pleaded guilty at the scene after surrounding to deputies at the sheriff’s south LA station.
15:11 – March 11 on Bravo, brought to us by Ryan Seacrest, the premiere of Shahs of Sunset, a new reality series about 6 young Persian American friends living, laughing, learning and loving in Los Angeles.
30:14 – 20/20 had a story on cruise ships. Apparently below the water, the crew quarters get rowdy. Open bar, after hours, late night, underwater sex orgies.
35:01 – Drugs Inc. did ketamine. It’s never a good sign when you see that it was developed as a battlefield anesthetic in Vietnam. It shuts off the nervous system so there’s a complete disconnect and you enter into another dimension.
5:51 – Seth was watching a Frontline episode from 2005 called “The Meth Epidemic” featuring new content. Seth salutes UYD hero of the week Deputy Brett King, who invented Faces of Meth.
24:38 – Seth recaps another What Would You Do?. He notices that they don’t let acts get drawn out and get super uncomfortable. When they start getting mildly uncomfortable, Quiñones runs in to spoil it. There were two young potential models having lunch together and there was a creepy photographer guy asking them if they ever thought about modeling. His studio was in his basement around the corner. He said he would e-mail their photos to Los Angeles. They were trying to see if the people in the tables near them would intervene. One table told them he seemed a little creepy, and the girls were like, “No he seems really nice.”
41:37 – Saturday, Feb. 11 on A&E – the 5th season premiere of Parking Wars. The show will be expanded to Providence, R.I. The town was originally designed for horse and buggy traffic, so parking in this city is known for being one of the worst experiences ever.
16:40 – NatGeo’s Doomsday Preppers is about Americans who have taken extreme measures to prepare for civilization’s collapse. They profile a dude who thinks a solar flare is going to cause an electromagnetic pulse that will shut down the electric grid. Another couple thinks the north-south magnetic polar shift will cause widespread geological chaos. Some others believe food will be the only currency. Then there are “black swan” events that could be anything. NatGeo conducted an online survey and found that 61% of Americans believe the country will experience a major catastrophic event in the next 20 years.
3:32 – Wednesday, Feb. 22 on NatGeo, the new series premiere of American Weed follows the Stanley brothers in Fort Collins, Colo.
54:50 – All Seth has is Bait Car and reruns of Cops from the 90s. That’s all that’s left that’s real anymore. Even What Would You Do? is bullshit.
24:02 – Seth saw LA Street Racers on NatGeo. He was inspired to race on the street and put $1,200 on some fool.
26:53 – Seth watches NBC, which used to have some great shows. It started with Whitney, featuring a hungover friend who said, “I think Jack Daniels is a racist, ‘cause he does not get along with José Cuervo.” Then there was the Chelsea show at 8:30 which is all-time cray. It wrapped up with Jay Leno’s stale monologue on The Tonight Show: “Here’s an odd story – In Sacramento, California, a naked man was arrested while looking for a job in a welding shop. Walks in naked. They think he was high on meth. You know you gotta be pretty high to go look for a job naked. And you have to be really high to go look for a welding job naked. … A group of advisers to the FDA have recommended the approval of a new inhaler for treating smoker’s cough. They say if you want to get rid of smoker’s cough, you’d use the inhaler twice a day – OR YOU COULD JUST QUIT SMOKING, MORON!” … Researchers from the University of Kansas are asking for FDA approval for human testing of a new male contraception bill. A birth control pill for men. Women, are you going to trust a guy to take a pill every day? Guys can’t even remember to put the toilet seat down!” Leno then brings Rob Schneider out to do stand-up. He comes out on stage to thunderous applause. “You know it’s tough out there. Especially out in California. People can’t afford to get divorced and they can’t sell their homes. They’re stuck having to live together. That’s gotta suck. What’s that like? ‘That’s it honey, I’m not taking that crap from you anymore! I’m moving …. Downstairs!” The crowd was elated, dying with laughter.
39:18 – This Sunday, March 11, if you want to see Amir Yaghmai on television, he and Sunny are appearing on Bravo’s Shahs of Sunset.
40:26 – Wednesday, March 7 at 10 p.m. on Discovery – three episodes of Doomsday Bunkers
16:36 – This Thursday night, March 15 on VH1 – Behind the Music: Pitbull. The show has also profiled Smashmouth, Pink, the Goo Goo Dolls, Nick Lachey, Matchbox 20, Everclear, Barenaked Ladies and Creed. …. Monday night, March 12 on NatGeo – a six-episode series Navajo Cops based on the one-off show from May 2011. The first episode is entitled “Skinwalkers.” Navajo believe that a skinwalker (yee naaldlooshii) is a person with the supernatural ability to turn into any animal he or she desires.
21:21 – Jah can’t find Amir on the trailer for Shahs of Sunset although he has been told he appears in it.
10:04 – This coming Wednesday, we have a premiere on NBC. It’s a sitcom called Bent starring Amanda Peet and David Walton. Walton is 33 years old. In 2004 he starred on a Fox sitcom called Cracking Up that was canceled after 6 episodes. He was noticed by executives at NBC. He starred on a 2006 NBC show called Heist, canceled after 5 episodes. In 2008 NBC called again, putting him in the lead of a new show called Quarter-Life, which was canceled after 6 episodes. He came back stronger than ever in 2010, when NBC cast him as the lead in 100 Questions, which was canceled after 6 episodes. NBC then put him in the lead role of Perfect Couples, canceled after 11 episodes. This Wednesday we’ll try it again.
15:22 – TMZ Live on Fox 11 brings you inside and bounces you around to all the cohorts. They had Brad Pitt driving Angie and the kids in a beige Dodge Caravan, and Seth was forced to turn the TV off and take a walk.
46:03 – Seth got to see Sunny and Amir in high-definition in Jogger’s studio on Shahs of Sunset.
11:26 – Seth watched VH1’s Behind The Music with Armando Christian Perez, aka Pitbull. He revealed, “When you talk about a pit bull, it has a very fierce reputation, but if you know about a pit bull, it’s a very very loving and loyal dog. Just like everything, it depends on how it’s raised. When you speak about it, it doesn’t understand the word ‘lose.’ It doesn’t understand ‘give up.’ It doesn’t understand ‘quit.’ So when it fights, it fights to the death. But it feels like it’s fighting for something, and who is it fighting for? Its owner. Well my owner is life, and that’s what I fight for.”
12:14 – This Thursday, March 29, is Behind the Music with T-Pain.
24:07 – Brooklyn 11223 – Jersey Shore is played out. These are the real Italians in Graves End, Coney Island, Bay Ridge.
24:54 – Jonathan’s new favorite show is Duck Dynasty.
25:50 – Seth reads off a list of crazy reality shows.
27:03 – J-Lo and Skeletor have a new show called Q’Viva, a Latin American talent show.
12:43 – Seth watched the 2012 Kids Choice Awards on Nickelodeon. They’re still green sliming everybody. The show was hosted by Will Smith, who was mentioning some people who would “pump up” a tween crowd. Names like Taylor Swift and … Halle Berry?
19:34 – Jonathan and Seth watched one of the best half-hours of television of 2012. Jonathan remembers having to leave the room at one point to lay down in the hall to collect his thoughts. It’s called Celebrity House Hunting on Bio, and it was Corey Feldman looking at three houses
45:41 – Baggage Battles on the Travel Channel premieres Wednesday night at 10 p.m.
47:11 – Seth reads off a bunch more crazy faux-reality shows
8:15 – When Seth arrogantly said Cops would be on forever, Jah sat him down. Now Seth is reading an article where they’re going to scale back Season 25 and in the next 32 Saturday nights there will only be a few episodes. There’s a petition going around to get 100,000 signatures and it’s been up for two weeks and has less than 4,000 signatures.
26:12 – Dateline NBC had an episode with kids about “stranger danger.” The kids are still falling for the ice cream truck gag.
27:51 – John Quiñones takes What Would You Do? down to South Padre Island. They wanted to see what would happen if creeper actors came onto drunk girls at the bar. Time and again, a real-life creeper was already onto them before they could even send the actor in asking them if they wanted breakfast in the morning. He later said “I wasn’t being sinister.”
1:13:15 – Amanda de Cadenet has a show on Lifetime, The Conversation. She asks every single one of her guests what their favorite sexual position is.
7:18 – A new show is getting developed at HBO. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are teaming up to play partners in a detective drama.
13:10 – Seth watched a PBS special on Jesse Owens and the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, hosted by Mr. Hitler. They interviewed a guy who told a pretty crazy story that Seth isn’t sure if he believes. His name is Louis Zamperini, who ran the marathon in those Olympics. He’s from Torrance and is Italian. He went to USC and made the Olympic team. He gained 12 pounds on the cruise over the ocean to Germany. He finished 8th in the event. He claims he finished the race really strong and Hitler wanted to meet him. He climbed up a flagpole and stole Hitler’s personal flag from the Olympics. He was in WWII, survived a plane crash in which 8 of the 11 people died upon impact. He and 2 other guys survived at sea on rainwater and captured fish. After 37 days, one of the guys died. Ten days later they got rescued by a Japanese fishing crew, and he was tortured every day for a couple years. He was declared dead but then ended up back in the States. … He claimed that during the opening ceremony of the Olympics, they released 25,000 pigeons over the coliseum, then shot a cannon and all the pigeons simultaneously took a shit on everybody. The guys had straw hats, but the ladies didn’t have that so the pigeons took a shit on Hitler’s Olympics.
54:09 – In a recent episode of Bait Car, they arrived at a chop shop in a house and realized all the cars were stolen. They said they needed to get in and arrest them. The first guy goes off on the cops. The second guy’s fingerprint is confirmed too. The third guy is saying he was just there with a female, but he said it was ok and he would go to jail because the female did him so right. They ran his fingerprint and he was totally cool. They brought the girl out and she was 15, and he was pissed off and got handcuffed and taken in for statutory charges.