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9:54 – In Connecticut, 14 girls in the last two months have been sexually assaulted by guys they’ve met on Myspace
10:15 – Annual Run to the top of the Empire State Building in NYC – winners were Andrea Mair of Austria and Thomas Dold of Germany – it was Mair’s third women’s race title in a row in record time – completed 2-mile race in 11:23. Dold did it in 10:19.
21:26 – Alan Shalleck found covered in garbage bags in front of mobile home – helped bring Curious George to TV; found dead just before the Curious George movie was released
23:05 – A sampling of the 911 calls Seth hears on Good Morning America, when they reveal that 200 million people call it every year – many of them non-emergencies: Hey, what time is it? … Um, is it winter time or is it summer time? Because the seasons change … Uhh yeah, I need the number for Pizza Hut! I can’t get it from Pizza Hut, I can’t get it from the directory and I can’t get it from 411! I need a pizza! … Um, hello. I’m at Burger King right now, and I’m ordering a Western Bacon Cheeseburger and they’re making it wrong. This is an emergency! I want you to send an officer down here right now!
36:17 – On this date in 1989, in order to gain deregulation, the WWF (now WWE) admitted in a N.J. state court that pro wrestling was an exhibition and not a sport
47:32 – The Army sent a bill to a 25-year-old first lieutenant who was injured in Iraq. The bill was for $632 to pay for his body armor vest that he didn’t return. He didn’t return it because he was shot, it was covered in blood and the medics burned it on the battlefield as a biohazard. They had to hold a fundraiser in his hometown to pay for it
49:45 – Jessica McClure (Baby Jessica) was married in Midland, TX this week
4:03 – Gonzaga dean of students has to tell students to quit chanting “Brokeback Mountain!” at opposing players
25:54 – Lonnie Billiter Jr. of Colerain Township, Ohio, becomes eighth person ever to bowl three perfect games in a row.
37:04 - A San Diego fire truck at the scene of a pre-dawn traffic accident burst into flames when its engine caught on fire
37:54 – Rural firefighters in Monett, Mo., stood by and watched a fire destroy a garage and a vehicle because the property owner had not paid his membership dues. The man was injured in the fire trying to battle it himself with a garden hose and buckets while the firefighters stood by and watched it.
44:45 – The Harlem Globetrotters are going to be at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Ticket prices are up to $130
46:13 – In 2000, Boston University calculated the odds of an average player making a hole-in-one in the game of golf. The odds are 12,000 to 1. The average of 2 players playing in a foursome making a hole-in-one on the same hole are 17 million to 1. This happened recently – two brothers did this while playing.
5:58 – In Washington, D.C., a man who claimed to have a cell phone implanted in his head was convicted of jumping the White House fence in a bid to meet Chelsea Clinton
6:58 – Man got in an argument with his girlfriend and jammed her cell phone down her throat. Woman claims she swallowed it
23:13 – Phillip Swan, president of TVpredictions.com: “Cameron Diaz looks like a mess in high definition. You can see her acne scars. It’s the ultimate reality TV.”
24:23 – Sheriff in Spotsylvania, Va., isn’t allowing his detectives to receive sexual services while investigating suspected prostitution
36:35 – In Italy, sexually abusing a teen is deemed a less serious crime if the girl’s not a virgin. Seth: “I saw The Accused. Leo Rossi.”
53:27 – In France, three photographers that photographed Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed the night of their fatal 1997 crash have each been symbolically fined one euro for their roles in her death.
54:48 – An unlicensed doctor in San Francisco, Stephen Bryan Turner, was injecting patients with a saline solution he claimed was a vaccine for various afflictions
56:23 – The Philadelphia 76ers, in cooperation with local police, are offering fans free tickets to upcoming games if they turn in a handgun
57:09 – Yoplait yogurt breast cancer campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.”
9:47 – There was a car accident that transpired last week in Los Angeles. It occurred on the PCH in Malibu and involved an Enzo Ferrari – which costs between $600,000 and $1 million. The car hit a telephone pole and got cut in half, while the telephone pole flipped over 180 degrees and was hanging by its own wires. The driver, Stephone, claimed he wasn’t the driver of the car, but he was. It turns out he was racing against a Mercedes SLR. Stephone’s story is that he’s a failed video game inventor that made a racing game. Now here he is in real life racing at 162 miles per hour. He came out of it with nothing but a cut lip. Eight days later, we find out that Scotland Yard is investigating a claim that a bank claims to own the Enzo, a Gloc gun cartridge was found at the scene that they’re trying to tie to him, and “Homeland Security officials” arrived at the scene to investigate him. They were found out to work at a transit company in the San Gabriel Valley that is a front for some kind of illegal operation that they haven’t figured out what it is.
41:18 – Kevin Garnett story – threw ball into stands and barely hit a fan; apologizes to man; man pretends to be seriously injured and gets carried out of arena in a stretcher
47:04 – Dr. Louis Gottschalk (not Louis Gossett Jr.), a renowned psychiatrist at UC-Irvine, was duped into squandering $1.3 million of his family’s fortune in a Nigerian internet scam. He traveled to Nigeria and began meeting with people called “The General” and other Nigerians to let them know he was serious about getting the money.
56:43 – Flight attendant on Virgin Atlantic flight screamed at the top of her lungs “We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash!” after the plane experienced some turbulence
7:23 – Forbes’ billionaire ranking list came out. Sergey Brin, co-owner of Google, is worth $12,900,000,000, but Larry Page, the other co-owner, is only worth $12,800,000,000
24:40 – Celebrities’ kids wack names: Nic Cage – Kal-el; Sly Stallone – Sage Moonblood; Rob Morrow – Tu; Jason Lee – Pilot Inspector; Shannon Sossamon – Audio Science; Jonathan Davis of Korn – Pirate; David Duchovny/Téa Leoni – Kyd; Ginuwine – Story; Robert Rodriguez – Rebel, Racer, Rogue and Rocket.
28:25 – Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall’s Brokeback shirts sell for $100,000+; Crash screenplay signed by writer, director, cast sells for $255. Seth: “I could grill up veggie bacon right now, manipulate a face of Jesus and sell it for $300 tomorrow.”
41:36 – Second-grade kid brings live grenade into show-and-tell. Seth: “Would you rather have your kid bring a grenade or cocaine into class.” Jah: “Grenade.”
44:22 – Dairy worker and 8-year-old son die in a 10-foot deep manure pit
47:33 – Border patrol guys nabbed for smuggling illegal immigrants across borders
48:57 – Shannon Kennedy is deaf, yet she went to the Bon Jovi show at the Key Center in Seattle. She had a music interpreter, Joanne Ball, to do sign language so she could get the full effect of Bon Jovi’s songs
54:04 – Kansas church protesting funerals of Iraqi war victims because they are defending a country that accepts homosexuality
5:18 – LA Marathon is coming up, the 21st. Seth will be there. There are 289 people who have run all 20 LA Marathons; they’re called “Legacy Runners” 25,000 runners in all
31:05 – Chicago police come to arrest man after having fight with girlfriend, hurls objects at cops including his own severed penis (Seth: “Junior Mints, a lamp, a potted plant, a Shamrock Shake and a cock. Take that!”)
33:57 – A 15-year-old boy whose followers believe he’s the reincarnation of Buddha has disappeared after 10 solid months of meditation in the jungles of Nepal. He has been sitting cross-legged and motionless with his eyes closed on the roots of a tree with no food or water since May 17, 2005. Jah thinks he got eaten by a Tiger or cut by the Chinese or he got up and went to find a Shamrock Shake
35:33 – Federal authorities seized 250 counterfeit $1 billion bills. The swindlers tried to convince the elderly victims that the notes were recovered from caves in the Phillipines where freedom fighters stashed them in World War II
57:47 – Guy on a COPS episode – explanation why he doesn’t come to the door: “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘love is blind?’ Well you should try fear.”
25:13 – Seth lists off the AVN Award winners
35:12 – Deborah Lafave overview, interview with ex-husband Owen Lafave.
54:27 – Horn Lake, Mississippi cops break into what they think is a meth lab, beat down an 80-year-old couple while sleeping
56:23 – In his upcoming movie Alpha Dog, Justin Timberlake is playing a tough guy, yet is sporting a Chinese tattoo that translates into “ice skating”
52:53 – Babies in bars
54:13 – FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women – Jenny McCarthy is No. 7
54:58 – Matisyahu has some stiff competition on the reggae charts: Bob Marley (deceased) and Ziggy Marley
14:13 – Next weekend in Palm Springs – the White Party – the hottest bodies around. It’s the gay party of the year. You dress in white if you’re dressed at all
53:27 – 35 million Americans wear contacts, including Seth. Optometrists have found a new eye fungus, fuserium, which drops on the cornea.
56:20 – The new fuserium outbreak originally mentioned in Episode 009 is a result of people using Bausch & Lomb Renu contact solution. Seth thinks the Chicago Tylenol murderer who used cyanide in 1982 is now tampering with the contact solution
12:53 – At gay pride parade in June, Castro district is going to have gay families involved – kids clad in Village People outfits dancing around on floats. Seth: “Assless rubber chaps and crocs. Hey I’m 6. No. No! You live in the suburbs. Just play T-ball. Stop wearing chaps. Stop being on floats. Stop it.”
49:09 – Purcell, OK police chief David Tompkins potential motive: “This appears to be another one of those kidnap a person, rape em, torture em, kill em, cut off their head, drain their body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, dispose of the organs, bury the bones.”
51:04 – Mark Ecko pulls internet hoax by painting an airplane like Air Force One and acting like they spray painted it rogue style
59:40 – Webster’s adds a new word for the dictionary in ’05: jimmy hat
19:03 – Charlie Sheen took a portrait of his wedding day, spray-painted DUMBEST DAY OF MY LIFE and then took a chainsaw to it
50:05 – Gas prices are so high in L.A. that dudes are purposely running out of gas so the courtesy trucks will pull up and give them a gallon
25:28 – Of the 32 countries at the World Cup, every single country has a flag of their country on the back of their bus except U.S.A. so they won’t blow us up
38:54 – A review of CBS News Sunday Morning’s Into the Future: 2001 segment from 1986: rep from GM says car will be commanded by own voice; bathroom will be a crazy collage with a stationary bike and bed, etc.
41:21 – More collect calls are made on Father’s Day than any other day. Seth: “Hey dick dad – thanks for raping me. I hate you and you’re going to die! Sperm donor dad! Click.”
41:56 – The United States Postal Service (USPS) has created a Forever Stamp that will always be usable, despite the rising costs of postage.
51:00 – Ohio man being put to death leans up to executioner after lethal injection is given: “It’s not working.”
54:01 – Top 20 ringtones as of today: #1 is a tie between the Halloween theme song and the Super Mario Bros. theme song
49:03 – Boyfriend came into gas station where girl worked, doused her in gas and set her on fire. Brother of victim: “She was the sweetest person. She had a fire in her that you would just love.”
59:35 – Newlywed couple pleads not guilty to drug charges in front of the same judge who pronounced them husband and wife the day before
3:58 – Anderson Cooper watches Super Sweet 16 Part 2 and Tiara Girls on MTV
5:59 – Louisiana Democrat William Jefferson was taking bribes, was caught with $90,000 wrapped in aluminum foil in his freezer
7:25 – New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is re-elected, and talks about N.O. being a “chocolate city” and keeping it that way: “You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk and it becomes a delicious drink. That’s the kind of chocolate I’m talking about.”
14:49 – In Sidney, Neb., a man sexually assaulted a young child. The judge acknowledges that the man is guilty, but she sentences him to 10 years probation because he’s only 5-foot-1, and says he’s too short to go to prison
18:35 – Grown men going to HS football games, bringing video cameras and training them on the cheerleaders and selling them on the internet
48:15 – Last weekend a guy dressed up in full Freddy Krueger regalia attacked a homeless man on Hollywood and La Brea and put him in the hospital
48:56 – In Cincinnati, a vampire man protests the new Garlic Cheeseburger at White Castle
52:09 – Sir Edmund Hillary outraged at mountain climber who left another to die (Mark Ingles – double amputee who was previously rescued leaves other to die)
0:38 – Third baseman for Long Beach State baseball team up for top college player of the year. His name? Evan Longoria. Seth: “Does Evan Longoria listen to our show?” (55:15)
4:52 – Anderson Cooper is “so into The Hills” and can’t wait for “Beyond the Break”
55:51 – 24-year-old Cory Favreau stabs his mom with a sharp cross-shaped object over disagreement about American Idol contestant Katherine McPhee
18:52 – A man has fucked a pony to death while two dudes watched
21:33 – Omni Magazine’s predictions made in 1979 (ex.: In a few years ESP will not be fiction – it will be fact. By the late ’80s, we’ll have cloned human beings.; A modern subway will carry passengers from NYC to LA in 21 minutes at a cost of $54. Top speed: 14,000 mph)
1:44 – Girls at Arizona State University doing the “Arizona Double Dip” – get a Mystic tan, then immediately get on tanning beds and bake Mystic tan into their bodies
33:06 – New ringtone referred to as “mosquito ringtone” that has a frequency so high it will drive kids away from particular places. Kids can text each other in class without teachers knowing.
43:55 – “Deadcasts.” Live feeds via the internet where you can attend a funeral service
6:10 – Crazy words added to Webster’s Dictionary (ex: mouse potato) Jah: “You’re such a mouse potato! Why don’t you get out and take a walk?!”
3:33 – Oregon man sues Nike and Phil Knight because he looks like Michael Jordan
16:52 – Trucker driving cross country and killing prostitutes gets caught by walking into a police station with a woman’s breast in his front pocket
41:59 – This Week In Brazil: 9-year-old woman becomes the youngest documented mother in the history of man
3:37 – Pete Coors gets a DUI
18:55 – Haley Joel Osment flips his ’95 Saturn on the freeway (Seth: “There’s a rule in Hollywood: You can’t drive a car that’s older than the year you were nominated for an academy award.”)
24:04 – Rehash of story about boyfriend shoving cell phone down girlfriend’s mouth – jury lets him off b/c apparently they buy the story of her trying to swallow the phone to hide the numbers from her boyfriend
56:25 – “Bagging” – kids stick heads in bags of mothballs
40:10 – Crazy minor league baseball team promotions: Newark Bears – Britney Spears Baby Safety Night; Michigan Devil Rays – picked 3 lucky fans and sent them home with their own grounds crew; Altoona Curves – Awful Night game – do everything to make experience as unpleasant as possible for the fans, including having people heckle them and selling bottomless beer cups (you can purchase the bottom of the cup for 13 cents); Hagarstown Suns – Pre-planned Funeral Night, where one lucky fan was given a $6,500 value funeral; Nobody Night – tried to set record for lowest baseball attendance for a minor league baseball game, so fans were locked out of the game until the fifth inning when it became official; Father’s Day giveaway where two fans received a free vasectomy; first 500 fans received frozen popsicles shortly after Ted Williams’ son tried to cryogenically freeze Ted’s body
54:18 – Provincetown, MA: Gays verbally abusing straights by calling them “breeders.”
7:20 – U.S. Army having trouble recruiting people; raises the maximum enlistment age from 40 to 42 in the first week of June ’06. Five dudes have signed up since.
52:44 – Jamaican sprinter Asafa Powell can’t get on a plane because of custom shoes
54:30 – Long time listener, first time killer Wayne Adam Ford enters police station with tit in pocket (first mentioned in Episode 023 @ 16:52) … Victoria Redstall falls in love with him. Now Jah’s falling in love with her.
7:27 – On Google searching, these words come up the most in the state of Utah: Jesus, second coming, scrapbooking, digiscrapping, UYD, baby names, potty training, quilting, barbie
48:21 – PETA activists go back to given birth names (Christopher Garnett – last three years known as “KentuckyFriedCruelty.com” Karen Roberts changed name to “GoVeg.com” Another changed name to “RinglingBeatsAnimals.com”)
12:39 – Study released by GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) shows that for the fall 06 TV schedule, there are a total of only 14 LGBT characters (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender)
32:53 – America’s Drunkest Cities – 1) Milwaukee, 2) Minneapolis/St. Paul, 3) Columbus, OH, 4) Boston, 5) Austin, 6) Chicago, 7) Cleveland, 8) Pittsburgh, 9) Philadelphia, 10) Providence RI
47:06 – Ron Artest to kids: “Someone started trouble, and I ended it.”
20:31 – Flat daddy – life-size photo of your dad who’s in Iraq so kids can pretend that he’s still there
1:35 – State Fair of Texas specializes in crazy fried foods: first-ever corn dog; first fried Twinkie; deep-fried Coca-Cola
18:09 – Iran claims they’ve found a cure for AIDS
25:33 – Mancations – vacation for the boys to roll out
46:19 and 54:53 – Best names in NFL: Samari Rolle, Peerless Price, Jabari Greer, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Ebanezer Ekuban, Takeo Spikes, Jeremetrius Butler, Laverneaus Coles, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Boss Bailey, Deuce McAlister, Tully Banta-Cain, Asante Samuel, Ty Law, Frostee Rucker, Chika Okafor, Tank Johnson, Bubba Franks, Anquan Boldin, Jevon Kearse, Marques Tuiasasopo, Na’il Diggs
48:54 – Crazy religious community in the Ozarks of Missouri – child predator charges filed against pastor. He says he was ordained by God to fulfill needs of these young girls by giving them Angel Kisses: Seth re-enacts scene with kissing sound effects: If it didn’t feel good, God wouldn’t let me do it. God’s good. It’s an angel kiss
21:17 – FDA warns U.S. citizens not to drink hydrogen peroxide for medical purposes
24:03 – Furniture store owner in Chicago guarantees free furniture if Bears shut out Packers, Bears won 26-0 and he is out $400,000 in furniture
26:30 – Kids choose to eat rocks with Spongebob stickers on them instead of real fruit
36:32 – Taking Action for Animals conference in D.C. – president of Humane Society suggests a new term for dogs: “Canine Americans.”
24:13 – Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell all fired from SNL. Jah: “If Tim Meadows can’t get fired, how the fuck can Horatio Sanz get fired?!”
31:21 – The “Red-Headed Stranger” Willie Nelson got pulled over with a pound and a half of marijuana and 91 grams of mushrooms
36:11 – LW McNutt Jr. – Collin Street Bakery famous for mail-order holiday fruitcakes. From October – December, 1.5 million are sold. One customer was turned away in 1979 – Ayatollah Khomeini following Iran hostage crisis
43:54 – Gary Glitter’s song "Rock & Roll Part 2" has been banned from NFL stadiums b/c Glitter is a peed
45:43 – Oxford Dictionary’s new words: aerobicised, hoodie, crunk, yogalates, etc.
31:50 – People wearing Crocs getting stuck on escalators and trampled
50:24 – Ohio doctor stripped of his license after treating patients by “traveling back in time and healing them before their injury occurs.”
54:06 – Sarah Evans (country artist who sang “Cheatin’”) dropped out of Dancing With the Stars because her husband was in fact cheating on her
20:07 – National Retail Federation releases list of top 10 best-selling lists for men and women. Girls are the usual, but the guys are crazy: #4 – Star Wars; #7 – Matrix; also “Pirate,” “Funny” and “Goth” themes, etc.
12:40 – Martin Cooper placed first mobile phone call in 1973 – helped invent it
24:26 – Footage surfaces of Army recruiters lying to potential recruits, saying they wouldn’t have to go to Iraq. One dude: I like sandwiches. I’m watching the news yesterday, some dude got shot and killed at a Subway. What’s the deal? You go there you get shot by Jared. Seth: "I like Happy Meals. I heard about some kid that got raped in the parking lot of a McDonald’s in Green Bay, Wisconsin. What’s up? You wanna get raped? I’d rather get shot than raped. Sign right here. And then let me put my cock in your mouth.”
19:43 – There are currently 12,000 Starbucks in the U.S. but they want 20,000 in a couple years. They’re opening 5 stores a day and their revenue was close to $8 billion for 2005 worldwide
7:58 – U2charist – Episcopalian churches across the country are kicking off Sunday masses with “Pride” and “In The Name Of Love”
11:33 – At the annual meeting of American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology in Philadelphia this week, they find that many women are allergic to their spouse’s semen. One solution is allergy shots with small doses of the male partner’s semen and the other is a technique called intravaginal seminal graded challenge (ISGC)
23:35 – Heidi Fleiss is opening a stud farm with first big stallion under contract, Mike Tyson
42:00 – People getting shot and nerds getting jumped outside of game stores for their PS3s
12:55 – Heidi Fleiss’s stud farm mentioned in Episode 039 turns out to be a farce
17:05 – Woman taken off Delta Airlines flight for breastfeeding
20:27 – Jones Soda crazy flavors: Broccoli Casserole, Corn on the Cob and Brussel Sprout, Fish Taco and Curry Chicken
23:05 – Maurice Graham aka “King of the Hobos” passes away; Seth delves into hobo vocabulary (sloptart = girl who will give you sexual pleasure in exchange for a weapon)
40:23 – American teens are texting while driving (TWD) and getting in fender benders. Hovering over these teens are “helicopter parents,” parents who “hover” over their children’s lives from Kindergarten through college
1:01:27 – University of Georgia has installed gender-neutral restrooms for transgendered students
6:19 – British magazine Q lists 20 best songs of last 20 years, and most of them are shitty
25:40 – Military reviewing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy
31:53 – Military using silly string in Iraq so it will land on trip wires when they’re going through doors
33:22 – E-mail turns 35 this week. 60 billion e-mails sent every day
35:00 – Man suing IBM for $5 million for wrongful termination. He was fired for surfing sex sites all the time. He says it was self medication for his post-traumatic stress disorder
36:31 – Utah Jazz’ new arena being renamed as Energy Solutions Arena, but people are upset because it’s a low-level nuclear waste company
37:52 – Boston Garden holds one-day auction for highest bidder to name the arena. Stockbroker in New York makes highest bid to name it the Derek Jeter Center, but they wouldn’t allow it and had another charity outbid him
48:13 – Actor Richard Belzer has played the character Det. John Munch on at least 7 different primetime TV shows
13:58 – Laughter yoga – builds lung capacity, relieves excess stress, has aerobic benefits. There are 60 certified laugh instructors just in the Los Angeles area alone. Jah has seen it from Jeremy Piven’s Journey of a Lifetime
15:11 – Day spas for infants is the new craze. Baby massage, baby yoga, baby sign language classes, body scrubs, facials, etc. They take the babies and roll them around in warm spaghetti
29:09 – During Super Bowl in ’04 they showed old commercials from ’84; Seth reflects on the first fax machine commercial
42:24 – “Armed and Famous” – celebrities sworn in as reserve police officers by Muncie, Indiana PD: Erik Estrada, Latoya Jackson, Jack Osborne, Wee Man and Trish Stratus
48:00 – Denny Welch (1,500 lbs.) inviting neighborhood kids over to watch gay porn
53:43 – The Laugh Factory fines comedians $20 now if they say the n-word on stage. Damon Wayans went up there with a handful of $20s and dropped 17 n-bombs in his routine
0:50 – Jack Kevorkian is going to be paroled and will be UYD’s first in-studio guest. They’re waiting on Brian Bosworth and Danger Mouse, but they’ll take Kevorkian in Episode 069 and be killed live on the show
2:25 and 8:17 – Consumer Affairs Top 10 scams of 2006: 7) gas pellets; 8) grandparents scam; 9) Oprah scam promising tickets to a taping; etc.
12:48 – On Jan. 1, NBA goes back to leather ball. Dan Shannon, the manager of campaigns for PETA, sent an open letter to the NBA. Claims that they will give a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any player who will support the microfiber ball.
22:09 – National Prison Rape Elimination Commission met this week and found out that people get raped in prison – about 1,000 each week for the last 20 years
41:58 – North Dakota still has laws against unmarried couples living together – registered as a sex offense
45:23 – Celiacs can’t enjoy beer because of the wheat and gluten they are susceptible to – 3 million Americans suffer from Celiac Disease
10:20 – P Diddy comes under fire for a jacket from his winter collection, advertised as imitation fur, but the Human Society purchased some of the jackets, ran tests and found out they come from a Chinese breed of dog that resembles a raccoon. Macy’s agrees to stop selling the coat, Diddy says “I dunno.”
24:49 – Mike Tyson was arrested in Arizona for driving into a police car and wiping white powder off the dash and having two huge bags of coke on him. He began crying and saying “I’m a cocaine addict.”
25:40 – A junior high school in Iowa City has banned hugging
30:38 – Flight rerouted from New York to Maine, they had to turn it back and land it because a male passenger handed a note to a stewardess written by God
41:31 – Response Options teaches us how to prevent school shootings – throw books and backpacks at the shooter
6:26 – On Nov. 7, 2006, at 4:30 p.m. at Chicago O’Hare Airport, up to 12 employees of United Airlines reported seeing a UFO
13:17 – Army sends letters to 75 dead soldiers asking them to return to active duty
39:02 – Tom Sizemore movie Zyzzyx Road – played at one theater in Dallas and grossed $30 over six days
41:08 – Bush administration officials have ordered the National Park Service to not give an official age for the Grand Canyon
54:24 – Man who saves guy in subway gets free subway rides for li— a year.
20:30 – AVN Best Film from Wicked Pictures: Fuck
39:17 – CVS starts to put condoms behind the counter
40:52 – Designer Babies and Deformer Babies
42:55 – Pillow angel – 4-foot-5 and 65 pounds at 9 years old. Doctors estimate she’ll be 5-6, 115-120 pounds as an adult, but the parents are giving her hormones that will keep her from getting any bigger so she will be easier to take care of
45:59 – Gang member with bullet stuck in head
49:58 – Pizza chain getting death threats because they are now accepting pesos. (Seth mispronounces Pizza Patrón)
52:12 – Oh Snap! story – college student sends professor disc filled with child pornography instead of final exam
0:44 and 6:11 – Promotion by two Sacramento DJs – “Hold your wee for a Wii.”
4:43 – Mitchell Hultz, 15, receives FBI medal at high school: “Git ’er Dun!!!”
10:16 – Harris poll polls a few thousand people across the country to count the top 10 TV personalities in the country: 1) Oprah, 2) Jon Stewart, 3) Bill O’Reilly, 4) House, 5) Letterman, 6) Leno, 7) Jack Bauer, 8) Ellen, 9) Conan O’Brien, 10) Ray Romano
15:08 – Feb. 17, 2009 is the last day of analog; July 7, 2007 will be the most popular wedding date ever
17:42 – L.A. trying to crack down on medical marijuana dispensaries (where Seth works). In less than a year the city has gone from four to 98. Undercover dude went in with a headache and the guy behind the counter tells him he needs some weed. Monday night at the Golden Globes, LAPD Chief of Police William Bratton and his wife were seated at the table with the cast of Weeds
19:45 – Representative from New Hampshire trying to pass a bill to legalize marijuana. The only problem is that his name is Charles Weed.
24:52 – Vivid Video the first to do a Blu-ray porn DVD
40:29 – 29-year-old impersonating 12-year-old and boning 61-year-old dude, another dude joins the mix
9:50 – National Academy of Sciences Institute of Medicine conducted a study that finds that due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting, over 7,000 people are killed every year and 1.5 million are injured due to unclear abbreviations in dosage indications on prescription pads
19:14 – Brian Lang, public access show host guaranteed Superbowl ticket from Chris Harris, Harris holds out on him. “Nah, I was just playin’. I just play like that. I’m a playa. I play. Do you play dog??! Or do you lie??!”
54:34 – Tony Snow says “Play that funky music, white girl” to White House correspondent Martha Raddatz after her cell phone goes off to the ringtone “Ridin’” by Chamillionaire
57:22 – Transit chief for city of Los Angeles being interviewed by LA Times reporter who writes about cutting down on smog, etc., and the transit chief drives a Hummer
16:32 – Signs up in Beijing in preparation for the ’08 Olympics: THE SLIPPERY ARE VERY CRAFTY; SHOW MERCY TO THE SLENDER GRASS; DEFORMED MAN (over picture of handicapped toilet); fertility clinic features movie poster with Steve Martin and Cheaper by the Dozen; HOSPITAL FOR ANUS DISEASE; CUNT EXAMINATION with an arrow pointing toward the gynecological clinic; PLEASE ENJOY USE OF THIS FRESH AND COOL STICK THAT QUENCH THIRST WILL on a dude’s ice cream wrapper; HE REPAIRS COTTAGES AND ALSO PLANTS FLOWERS. HIS EAGERNESS TO DO GOOD MAKES HIM ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR on the Alien 2 DVD cover
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
42:33 – Former NBA player John Amaechi comes out and tells the world he is homosexual. Players from the Philadelphia 76ers are not down with it
58:46 – 23-year-old Scott Hines of Augusta, Md., is being sued by the Recording Industry of America for illegal downloads. They’re randomly targeting people to send a message to the everyman. And what did Scott download? “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “What Would You Say?” by Dave Matthews Band and “Don’t Know Why” by Nora Jones. Jah: “You could square one over right away: He can’t even be sued for Tracy Chapman because that literally was the only way he could actually get a copy of that song. I live in Los Angeles. If you sent me out in the world right now, I could meet you back here in 24 hours. I could scour the city and I could somehow not find that song.”
12:16 – The Whale Man is busted in New Jersey. He goes around to middle schools and assemblies and teaches the kids about whales. On his website he has a whale t-shirt, big glasses and a beret. Known all over New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New York. Neighbor calls NJ state troopers to tell them he’s got mad weed growing at his house – ends up having 192 pot plants. They tell him they need to bring him in for questioning. Whale Man says he has to get contact info off his computer, and state trooper sees a photo of a whale head and a kid’s prick and body – Whale Man tries to pour Tang on computer – dude had 400+ images of child porn on the computer. Quotes from teachers on Whale Man’s website: Whale Man, you truly know children and know how they enjoy you. … Whale Man, you certainly have a unique talent for kids. … Whale Man, I was impressed with your ability for making the children proud of their curiosity. Seth: “Ask, believe, receive, six months in prison.”
17:22 – “Pint for a Pint” – college students donating blood, then taking money and drinking and letting it get through the bloodstream faster and getting wasted
19:15 – To save energy, Congress has changed Daylight Savings from the first Sunday in April to the second Sunday in March. Seth calls it a “Mini Y2K” that could cripple the world for up to 6 seconds – which means nothing will happen, just like during Y2K, when Seth fled California for Abiquiu, N.M.
23:46 – Eddie Feigner passes away at 81 – started the original King and his Court 4-man softball team that Seth’s father took him to see when he was a boy. They played more than 11,000 games and won more than 10,000. His fast-pitch softball was one of the top 10 of all time according to ESPN. Fastest ball he threw clocked in at 104 mph
39:48 – Tours at zoos all about animal sex (“Jungle Love”- NYC, “Woo at the Zoo” – San Francisco)
46:13 – 380 California inmates have voluntarily moved to other for-profit prisons. 7,000 will be forcibly moved by the summer. Inmates scheduled for deportation are the first to go, most violent will be next and people with the fewest visitors are next. Inmate who moves to a Tennessee prison: “You get 79 channels here including ESPN in HD. Get here!”
51:21 – Guy bidding on Price Is Right Showcase Showdown: “250,000. … oh wait, I mean, $60,000”
4:09 – NAACP Image awards – Best male lead: Isaiah Washington
34:23 – Splash and grab in Massachusetts – douse a cashier’s face with hot coffee and take the register
35:17 – It’s quite fashionable in the UK for young girls to get pregs. Jah does a female British accent: Like all me mates would see me bump right, and then I’m like, I want one of them.
42:38 – Netflix ships its 1 billionth DVD – took 7 ½ years to do it (7 mos. less than it took McDonald’s to sell their billionth hamburger). It was a guy from Texas and he received a lifetime free subscription to Netflix. What was his movie? Jah guesses The Marine, but it was Babel.
47:44 – Kevin Russell of Gary, IN, arrested at Chase Bank for trying to cash a check signed by God
48:44 – UPS has an agreement with cities to get tickets and then write one big check at the end of the year – wrote a check for $18.7 million to New York City for 2006
49:30 – San Francisco proclaims Feb. 23 as “Colt Studio Day” – only Colt Studio turns out to be a gay porn production studio
52:18 – New steroid ring is exposed, found a book with the name Evan Fields in it with a phone number. Evander Holyfield answers the phone and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Seth: “Hey, when you answer the phone because there’s a number next to your name, you straight did it.”
5:35 – 30-year-old guy and a 54-year-old guy collided in the middle of a two-way road, both were shitfaced drunk and went to prison for DUIs
11:50 – Bausch & Lomb is still trying to blind people. Now they’re putting too much iron in their Multi Plus solution
12:49 – 41% of people over the age of 18 visiting Myspace are older than 35. Seth: “What are 35-year-olds doing on Myspace?” Jah: “Catching up.”
13:58 – River City Bagel & Bakery in Boise, Idaho, ran an add in the Boise Weekly – had three bagels stacked on top of each other with a stack of coffee, read OUR BAGELS ARE LIKE VAGINAS. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?
30:02 – Blues Traveler frontman John Popper is pulled over by a state trooper in Washington state … they found weed and a pipe on him, then searched the car to find numerous secret weapon compartments, in which contained 4 rifles, 9 handguns, an oversized switchblade, a taser gun, night-vision goggles, flashing emergency light sirens and a public address system
50:02 – Northwest Airlines baggage person tries to spoon girl on plane, then creams on her
2:21 – Guy is suing the FCC because he says Prince’s Super Bowl halftime performance left him with erectile dysfunction; another mother is upset because it might turn her son gay
3:12 – Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, is discovered to have faulty toilet piping that is connected to a storm drain instead of the sanitary sewer system. Since the park opened in 2001, a steady stream of shit has been going into the Menomonee River, which flows straight into Lake Michigan
4:33 – Ben Affleck is narrating a new sports DVD called “Red Sox Baby: Raising Tomorrow’s Boston Red Sox Fan Today.” It prepares infants to become Sox fans, and teaches counting, spelling, shape and color recognition. Seth: “I didn’t have that DVD, nor did anyone I know, and we didn’t have any problems getting indoctrinated into that Nation.”
31:05 – Registered sex offender in Sonora, Calif., arrested after a police officer who was sitting in his patrol car watched him drive around an elementary school several times and then sit and park there. Looks inside the van and the dude is wearing a full marching band uniform, and has children’s toys and a box marked CINDERELLA containing hardcore porn DVDs
31:52 – Lindsey Ashford, self-professed pedophile, has handicapped the 2008 presidential election based on the cuteness of the candidate’s daughters/granddaughters
35:02 – New Mexico signs legislation to outlaw cockfighting, leaving one state in the union where it is still legal: Louisiana
43:56 – National Association of Home Builders said that by 2015, 60% of all custom-built homes built in the U.S. will have a small twist – separate bedrooms for couples
46:56 – Morning Sentinel newspaper in Maine revealed the lottery winner this week, included a photo of the person with their name, address, telephone number and social security number in the newspaper
56:15 – Army recruiting top-notch paintball players
56:34 – Muslims in Twin Cities won’t handle pork, so supermarkets are going haywire b/c no pork will be handled whatsoever, even if it’s wrapped up
1:10 – Jerry Springer asks Miss Rhode Island: “If you could ban the use of anything in the world, what would it be?” Answer: “It would be probably using your cell phone while driving. I don’t know if it’s a problem here in Hollywood, but it’s a huge problem back home.” Miss Tennessee said she would be Will Smith if she could be any man.
2:31 – Ted Turner speaking at Bay Area conference about clean energy, relationship between Chinese and Americans: “The Chinese are very smart. I mean, have you ever met a dumb Chinaman?”
5:31 – Guy is suing Nickelodeon for $1.6 billion because he claims he created Spongebob Squarepants in 1991
8:06 – After 75 years, Hollywood has declared that there will no longer be a Hollywood Christmas Parade. The last image we have of the 75 years of the parade is Paul Wall and Brooke Hogan singing “Don’t Mean Nothin” in front of the Kodak Theatre.
25:15 – On March 28, Grand Canyon officially opens Grand Canyon Avenue, a glass-bottomed platform that goes 70 feet out over the western rim of the Grand Canyon – cost $40 million to build
27:49 – Joseph Brill pulled over for drunk driving in Albuquerque, N.M. They took him back to the station and realized he’d been suspended 27 times for DUIs
56:29 – Postal rates are going up on May 14, from 39 cents to 41 cents; and then 24 cents to 26 cents for a postcard. They have authorized you to buy Forever stamps, so you can use them no matter what a first-class rate changes to during your lifetime.
11:49 – Army recruiter Marcia Ramode’s e-mail to gay black man Corey Andrew: “…go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo wango and tango dance. Go prance around half-naked. That’s what you do.”
19:46 – Kentucky woman is suing Lil’ Wayne because she was injured at one of his concerts after he made it rain and she was trampled by the crowd. Suing for $150,000.
25:34 – Simpsons producers in talks to change some 7-11s to Qwik-E-Marts for the movie’s opening in late July
51:02 – NIT champion t-shirts: WEST VIRGINA
52:05 – 14-year-old Rhode Island kid dies in a car accident; friends hold a makeshift memorial service that night at the spot where he died, his best friend is the last to leave and plays the boy’s favorite song on the guitar when another dude comes around the corner, nails him and kills him in a hit-and-run
3:16 – Follow-up on “Hold your wee for a Wii” radio station promotion where the woman died – family had filed wrongful death lawsuit, but prosecutors said they would not file criminal charges against KDND 107.9
8:15 – Ian Ziering, on dancing with Cheryl Burke in Dancing with the Stars: “After this, people will remember me for my hit television show, Beverly Hills 90310
13:24 – 101-year-old man goes into DMV in Washington state, passes driving test and has valid license for five years. Gets in his 2001 Impala and people are running – his first car was his parents’ Model T
23:18 – Little league baseball in Ohio wants to ban infield chatter that is in any way negative to the other team. Seth heard a little boy look up to a reporter and ask, Can we still steal bases?
25:04 – 30-year-old woman in a mall in Washington state posing as a 17-year-old orphan boy named Mark. Sees 14-year-old girl, hits on her, girl’s Vietnamese immigrant parents allow the lovestruck girl to bring Mark into the house. Mark begins having serious, intimate detailed sexual activity with the girl but is also beating her. Cop finds 30-year-old’s car, runs tags and finds her with outstanding warrants. 14-year-old girl used to question Mark’s gender but every time she did, she got beat
59:05 – LG National Texting Championships
2:05 – Turner County HS in Ashburn, Ga. (pop. 4,000) holds first integrated prom
7:41 – 111th Boston Marathon is on Monday – Red Sox-Angels game is at 10 a.m. in conjunction with the marathon. Kenyans have won the race 14 out of the last 16 years
12:06 – America loves big boobs. Breast augmentation has increased 700% in the U.S. in the last 10 years. National Retail Federation reports that shop manikins will have to have enlarged breasts up to 40 DDs to be realistic
22:12 – Atlanta airport is having trouble with dudes blowing each other in the bathrooms
32:30 – Stevie Wonder paying $30,000 for a Grammy he won in 1974 for Best Album for Inner Visions. He never reported it stolen. Stevie is blind and also can’t smell.
34:08 – Archbishop of Chicago, Cardinal Frances George, was hospitalized on Easter with a hip fracture after slipping on some holy water
42:45 – Larry King is celebrating his 50th year on broadcasting and his 200th year on earth. He wants Ryan Seacrest to replace him.
52:34 – Sands Casino in Atlantic City that closed in 2006 was taking out machines and found $17,000 in coins underneath the machines, etc.
2:12 – Tim Gorman, writer for the Boston Globe, ran the Boston Marathon wearing a Derek Jeter jersey and a Yankees hat as a social experiment. He ran 26 miles in the rain with people bumping him, heckling him, starting “Yankees Suck!” chants, no one offering him water. Says it’s the last time he will do the social experiment
3:30 – Red Sox-Angels game was supposed to start at 10 a.m. on the morning of the Boston Marathon, but there was a 2-hour rain delay that allowed all the Massholes to get shitfaced. JD Drew hits a pop-up into the stands, Angels OF Garrett Anderson tries to make the play into the stands and beer goes all over the fans. A couple minutes later a disheveled dude wearing a Patriots jacket chunks a slice of pizza and hits the dude who missed the ball and got beer on him, yelling “How do you like that pizza?!”
49:00 – ABC game – kids try to tolerate the letters of the alphabet being scratched into their skin. Girl in Utah has a flesh-eating bacteria from playing this game
51:35 – First mention of the rainbow game
54:14 – Thieves are stealing Prius stickers to get the HOV benefits
1:42 – Seth follows up on Turner County HS integrated prom. Female student who couldn’t go: “My mommy and daddy don’t agree with being with the colored people.”
22:59 – Mike Penner – “Old Mike, New Christine”
30:04 – On June 3, more than 2,000 guitarists will gather at Community America Ballpark in Kansas City for the longest ensemble performance of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water.” Guiness will be on hand to see if it beats the 1993 record of 1,300 guitarists in Vancouver
34:30 and 35:01 – Follow-up on “The Rainbow Game,” a.k.a. “Taste the Rainbow” or “Secret Rainbow” (Rainbow cookie recipe makes Seth nearly vomit live)
40:52 – Toledo Mudhens outfielder Shin-Soo Choo was booed because his name was similar to the VT shooter, Seung-Hui Cho
52:41 – Things getting worse for Joe Francis – he’s now being sued by an 18-year-old for groping her at the Geisha House
44:30 – NJ Comcast carrier accidentally shows hardcore porn instead of kid show Handy Manny
56:23 – Don Larsen, Utah state GOP chairman defending his resolution to stop illegal immigration: “In order for Satan to establish his new world order and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the United States.”
2:24 – Republican hopeful Tom Tancredo, after being asked his favorite fitness activity: “Hunting.”
10:47 – Love God’s Way – gay bands and safe bands
18:14 – Softball player at a high school in Shreveport, La., shows police photos and videos on her cell phone that her coach had sent to her of his balls and him jerking off
27:10 – Michelle Duggar, 40 years old, and her husband Jim Bob, are about to have their 17th baby in Arkansas. She had her first child at age 21: Joshua, 19; John-David and Jana, 17; Jill, 15; Jessa, 14; Jinger, 13; Joseph, 12; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 8; Jason, 7; James, 5; Justin, 4; Jackson Levi, 2; Johannah Faith, 19 months; and at the end of July is Jennifer Daniel – God willing. … Jah: “They’re all gifts from gross.”
41:37 – Jah reads 16 funny police comments taken off car videos across the country
54:47 – Woman in Wisconsin calls 911 asking for a nanny. Apparently she was watching Nanny 911 and missed the point (Episode 001, 23:05).
13:26 – TV networks unveil new shows. ABC picks up Cavemen based off the Geico ads. Also, Seth announces that Mr. Larroquette will join the cast of Boston Legal.
20:55 – Rights to domain name porn.com sells this week for $9.5 million. In 1997 it sold for $47,000. Sex.com sold for $11 million, still holding the record. (UhhYeahDude.com sold for $43)
25:30 – Dearborn, MI cop takes weed off suspects, makes pot brownies with wife and loses his shit, calls 911: Cop: I think I’m having an overdose and so is my wife. Operator: OK, you and your wife. An overdose of what? Cop: Marijuana. I don’t know if it had something in it. Operator: How much did you have? Cop: I don’t know. We made brownies and I think we’re dead. Time is going by really, really, really slow. Operator: OK, well I’m on the phone with you. Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: What? Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: I’ve got no clue. I don’t watch the Red Wings. Cop: OK, I just want to make sure it isn’t some hallucination I’m having.
54:40 – Massachusetts guy sneaks into brother’s girlfriend’s bed and bones down – gets off scot-free
57:26 – High school track coach in Scottsdale, Arizona, tells 17-year-old female athlete to come over to his house to get an “athletic massage.” Except the oil he uses turns out to be his own semen
3:02 – Elijah Dukes: “Yo dog, you dead dog.”
34:50 – Miss Universe contestant from Jamaica is a Rastafarian, breaking the stereotype that Rastafarians are interested in only two things. Jah speaks “Emperor Haile Selassie I” in a crazy Rasta voice at 35:44
52:26 – Love God’s Way (Episode 064) was a hoax
55:27 – Barbie Cummings
13:04 – Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya got injured playing Guitar Hero during the postseason, lied about it and then came clean later
13:32 – Star high school pitcher’s friend Daniel Hicks makes him sign a contract on a napkin that he’ll get 1% of his signing bonus—gets $3,000. David Wright turned down a huge contract to get .5% share in the company Vitamin Water. Glaceau sells Vitamin Water to Coca-Cola for $4 billion and Wright earns $20 million. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of Vitamin Water, made $400 million.
18:07 – Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick speaking at Johns Hopkins commencement: “It takes a chicken and a pig to make a bacon-and-egg breakfast. In life you need to commit and be the pig.”
18:57 – Jamie Mesada of the Laugh Factory signs Jon Lovitz to a lifetime Wednesday night residency
40:02 – There’s been a recall on AMO Complete Moisture Plus. It contains a parasite that ultimately leaves you blind.
41:08 – Jones Soda Co. beats out Coke and Pepsi to serve soda at Seattle Seahawks football games at Qwest Field. In 2006 Jones Soda’s revenue was $39 million; combined Coke and Pepsi revenue in the same year was $57 billion
42:05 – Jack In The Box spoofs Carl’s Jr. Angus burger ads and Carl’s Jr. is suing them, saying: “while they may find it humorous, the oral and phonetic similarities with anus, but that is erroneous.”
1:01:25 – Jah explains that if you haven’t been able to sign up in the forums, it’s because the dude who’s the UYD website administrator is a “fuckin’ jackass.” He also says he has no means of doing anything on the website
11:58 – Dr. David Matlock of Los Angeles has a procedure called “The G Shot” for $1,850, which is collagen injected into the Gräfenberg spot – it swells to the size of a quarter and spells great sex for anyone who receives it
46:24 – TiVo posts its first profit…. Finally
57:24 – Only 6 states in the union allow conjugal visits, but California is the first to allow overnight visits by gay and lesbian partners. Seth: “Isn’t that prison? Don’t you get a conjugal gay visit every day? Isn’t that breakfast?”
59:01 – The world’s smallest basketball team – The Tiny Trotters: “You don’t have to be tall to play ball.” They’re all under 4-foot-6 and their names are as follows: Turbo, Dynamite, Lil’ Lolo and Fo-Fo
2:17 – Elijah Dukes revisited
5:12 – Prom at Riverdale Christian Academy – theme is Southern Plantation During the Civil War
21:06 – Woman arrested at Iowa County Courthouse caught stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a storage closet. Name? Susanne Butts
21:18 – Police and state tax force raid strip club in Pasadena and charge a dozen strippers with excessive nudity
21:32 – Warren Lewis, a barber in N. Memphis, has been cutting brothas’ hair with fire since 1965. Shop caught on fire and sustained $25,000 worth of damage b/c of the air conditioner repairman installing an updated system
42:58 – Oilman Gary Milby went missing and had several investors looking for him; he’s found on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 standing in a Kentucky oilfield. His daughter Ariel is screaming “I love oil! Oil means shoes and cars and purses!”
44:15 – Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek (Tek 9) isn’t a big fan of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s tabby sock (Japanese sock where you put the foot in the sock and there’s a little container for each toe)
14:22 – Elijah Dukes again
17:19 – Following shooting in Wisconsin, neighbors were interviewed and said they shrugged it off as Fourth of July fireworks – except it happened in early June. Seth: “Pop! Pop! Pop! Oh-ho-ho! You kids! Getting a start on things, right? These neighborhood kids!”
21:02 – Seroquel might help your bipolar disorder, but you’ll basically die if you take it. Here are the side effects listed in the magazine ad in 6-pt type: WARNINGS: INCREASED MORTALITY IN ELDERLY PATIENTS WITH DYMENTIA-RELATED PSYCHOSIS. PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY CAREFULLY AND THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR: PELVIC PAIN, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, CHILLS, FACE ADEMA, GUM HEMORRHAGE, IRREGULAR PULSE, RECTAL HEMORRHAGE, TONGUE ADEMA, AMNESIA, HALLUCINATIONS, HYPERKINESIA, MONONUCLEOSIS, ABNORMAL GAIT, PARANOID REACTION, URINARY RETENTION, INCOORDINATION, LIBIDO INCREASE, LIBIDO DECREASE, STOMATITIS, HEMORROIDS, GOUT, ACNE, ECZEMA, VAGINAL HEMMORRHAGE, FEMALE LACTATION, KIDNEY FAILURE, EYE PAIN, BONE PAIN, VULVA VAGINITIS, TASTE PERVERSION. Jah: “It’s fine, it’s fine. Just take it.”
24:38 – Hostess is bringing back the banana filling in Twinkies
34:33 – Sports Illustrated Players section interviews Venus Williams, asks her about her perfect day. She said at night she would go to a concert because her favorite band is 311.
41:06 – Sir Isaac Newton in 1704 studied the book of Daniel in the Bible and concluded that the world would end in 2060
41:29 – Most popular baby names of 2000-2006. 14 million boys and 14 million girls have been born this millennium. Boys – 1) Jacob, 2) Michael. Girls – 1) Emily, 2) Madison. #986 for boys – Glen. #997 – Kanye. #980 for girls – Unique. #989 – Baby. #77 for boys – Seth. #175 – Jonathan.
2:42 – New term sockpuppetry, where cyber vandals become rogue Wikipedians and submit information under fake names
4:01 – Chris Benoit’s death was posted on Wikipedia before the cops even knew about it
6:35 – Larry King to Paris Hilton: “What hotel chain is your family associated with?”
8:30 – Rogue lesbian gangs are terrorizing the nation. Seth: “In a normal gang you are beaten in; a GTO you are eaten in.”
8:54 – The Bald Eagle is off the endangered species list
19:55 – During BET Awards 2007, host Monique dedicates show to “my sistas on the lockdown, cuz we all just one decision away.”
22:51 – Louisiana last state to ban cockfighting, vote is 97 to 1.
26:45 – Film critic Andy Jones has heart attack and dies in Arclight watching “A Mighty Heart.” … Seth: “How’s that for a review? … Your movie’s so boring, I died.” (28:45)
32:21 – Dude in Long Beach plays poker with buddies, gets shadrached, gets behind the wheel of his GMC Sierra pickup in downtown and starts slamming into 25 parked cars and 2 pedestrians while people are running: “I was just trying to find a place to park.”
42:31 – Some Rasta gets his head shaved in jail and he’s suing because it took 13 years for him to grow out some super dope dreds
50:31 – Padres fan makes it rain at Petco Park
7:39 – On July 8, 1947, the Roswell Daily Record ran this headline: RAAF CAPTURES FLYING SAUCER ON RANCH IN ROSWELL REGION. Town is celebrating 60th anniversary of the UFO crash July 5-8, featuring musical guests Alan Parsons and War, as well as appearances by Dean Haglund and seminars and lectures by authors, researchers, etc. More than 50,000 enthusiasts expected to show up. Apparently some of the instruments found in the ship were used to create the microwave oven
10:11 – On July 1, a bunch of new laws go into effect in Tennessee: ban on all motorcycle wheelies; illegal to have sex with an animal; age to buy fireworks goes from 10 to 16; if you show ass, cock or balls in prison, it’s considered indecent exposure; $200 fine if you knowingly leave a child under 7 in a car with no adult supervision; juveniles can lose their licenses by threatening to use any destructive device on campus
12:09 – Two teens were on Kenny G’s property in Malibu and begin throwing things down at a family on the beach. A 9-year-old girl got hit on the head with a Powerbar and had to get stitches. Kenny G’s wife went to the hospital and said she would pay for it. People said they saw signs that said MLO (Malibu Locals Only). Jah says there’s also PLB (Palisades Local Boys), TML (Topango Mas Locos)
14:52 – 7-7-07 – There are 30,000 weddings scheduled for this day (more than twice the normal summer amount) and other people are trying to have their babies on this day. Also, says Jah, Tupac Shakur is coming back. He’s Makaveli, the reincarnation of Niccoló Machiavelli – who faked his death to fool his enemies. This is why he’s coming back on 7-7-07: His badge, gang-related 115, is 1 + 1 + 5 = 7; twelve shots were fired at him and 5 hit him: 12 – 5 = 7; he was shot on the 7th of September and survived the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th, dying on Friday the 13th; he died at 4:03: 4 + 0 + 3 = 7; he was 25 years old when he died: 2 + 5 = 7. Jah thinks he’s coming back too.
27:46 – Gap Kids advertises a crocheted trim triangle bikini for young girls on its website
29:06 – WARNING: Chicago-area ice cream truck drivers. Police put a driver under surveillance b/c he was on probation for selling child pornography and was not supposed to be selling popsicles to kids; another driver exposed his prick to a 3-year-old and also happens to be a substitute teacher, on the Board of Education and an ordained minister
48:53 – Signs up in bus stops in LA: USING METH, ABUSING METH. Seth: “I think if you’re using meth, you’re abusing meth.” Montana Meth Project has crazy PSAs on YouTube.
2:11 – New Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary will include new words in the fall: ginormous, DVR, IED, Bollywood, Sudoku, krunk, tellanova, smackdown
6:51 – Minnesota has passed a law effective in 2008 – All American flags sold must be made within the U.S.A.
10:11 – Coca-Cola releases new can that resembles the “New Coke” can
15:20 – Repeat of America’s Funniest Home Videos drew bigger share than Live Earth.
15:35 – James Hetfield detained in the Luton Airport (close to London, England) for his “Taliban-like” beard. (Jah: “I’m in a band. Which one? Metalliban.”
31:04 – Prince’s new fragrance, 31 21 – more sensual than his old scent. Several other celebs have their own scents – Alan Cumming (Cumming), Antonio Banderas (Spirit), Calum Best (Calum), Carlos Santana (Carlos Santana) Seth: “That is the mixture of carne asada, marijuana and sweat.”, David Beckham (Instinct), Donald Trump (The Fragrance), Derek Jeter (Driven), Michael Jordan (Jordan)
44:25 – Since January, a monthly 3-hour tour run by Beauty Turner on Chicago’s south side called the “Ghetto Bus Tour” takes visitors through run-down slums and gives you stories about a South side that doesn’t exist anymore
8:15 – There are over 500,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. Currently, in Arizona and Colorado, a service called Child Help Alert will call you if a peed moves in your neighborhood. It costs less than $20 a year. Jah says not to go to the Megan’s Law website to look up your neighborhood. Seth: “My neighborhood lights up…. It is out of control.”
20:13 – Rednecks going into Wal-Marts and swiping price tags off picture frames and putting them on plasma TVs
38:57 – Vermont is the only state in the U.S. that does not have an IHOP
25:27 – Myspace pulled 29,000 registered sex offenders off its pages
39:33 – Guitar Hero III has included a bonus track by the most consistently requested band and song – Dragonforce’s “Through The Fire And Flames”
41:11 – All-Pro Football 2K8 features O.J. Simpson on a team called “The Assassins”
25:34 – Two companies have recalled products – Baby Bling Things and PeaNapod Bling. They both sold about 1,000 baby pacifiers that were ornamented with Swarovski crystals. The crystals can be detached and possibly inhaled or swallowed.
39:03 – Falcons website, medium pet set for $30 – Seth: “Yeah, you didn’t take that one down, did ya?”
53:29 – 23 people have killed themselves by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge this year. The very first suicide ever took place on August 7, 1937. Seth gives Jah the option between killing himself off the bridge or watching LA Ink on his birthday, and Jah opts to drive to San Francisco for the day.
22:00 – An overview of Cuba Gooding Jr’s career since winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry McGuire in mid-90s. The only movies Seth had seen were Boat Trip and Radio.
37:15 – Follow-up on All-Pro Football 2K8 – OJ Simpson’s team “The Assassins” has a mascot that is a hooded figure that makes a stabbing motion with a knife when they score
54:41 – Helmet boxing – dangerous new kids’ fight game
54:57 – Fire In the Hole – kids get biggest drink in drive through, whip it in drive-thru person’s face
24:33 – Seth reads from a section in the Los Angeles Times that features celebrity home listings: Celebrity hand model Rick Wagner has listed his 1927 Normandy style home in Los Feliz at $1.78 million. His neighbors include Mandy Moore, Vince Vaughn, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie. Wagner has been the on-camera hands for John Travolta, Dennis Quaid, Sting, Ryan Seacrest, Tim Allen and Jeff Goldblum, to name a few. Wagner says, “People recognize my hands before they recognize the rest of me.”
41:09 – Girls Gone Mild, a new modesty movement. Not bad or semi-clad. Jah: “You better fucking get with it.” Seth: “I ain’t gonna recognize that.” Jah: “You’d better respecognize that.” Seth: “I ain’t going to respecognize shit because we’re going to dress my daughter the way she wants to dress.”
9:41 – Seth dials up (915) 590-0115 to talk to Mindy at Hiney’s in El Paso to gather more info on this story: Man stabbed at Hiney’s, stumbles out, walked 4 ½ miles and collapses and dies at a Hooters
31:50 – Miss NC at Miss Teen USA, answering what the biggest risk she took in her life was: “…when I went to Canada and went snowboarding. It’s not like the mountains of North Carolina at all; it’s hard work. It was definitely a big risk for me. That was very hard, definitely… a risk.” Miss South Carolina, when asked why one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because …. uhh, some … people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and… uhh, I believe that our education, like, such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and… Our education in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
41:39 – After 13 years and 200 computers working on the problem—including a break from 1996-2001 because the most powerful computers at the time weren’t up to the task—researchers have solved the game of checkers. The result – a perfect game cannot be won or lost, but will inevitably end in a draw. Even the most skilled player can’t execute a cunning move designed to win; he can only avoid making a mistake that leads to a loss. Computers examined more than 500 billion different possible board combinations
19:58 – 21st Burning Man concludes in Nevada – dude hanging from noose in two-story tent, everyone thinks it’s avant garde art.
28:47 – Umbilicoplasty is a new cosmetic procedure that turns an outie into an innie. Jah: “What if you have an innie and you want an outie?” Seth: “You don’t… because why… would you want to puke?” Jah laughs hysterically
30:34 – Butt facials – range between $800-1,000, depending on the size of the butt. Created to tighten, lift, tone, cleanse and detox. Microderm abrasion procedure that focuses on cellulite, acne, wrinkles and veins for a perfect ass
42:31 – School district police officer in Houston produces “Ghetto Handbook” pamphlet
11:25 – Woman glues high-heeled shoes to man’s feet
22:48 – Pitzer College in Claremont, Calif. – new class called “Learning From You Tube”
32:57 – Dude volunteers to help at Denver animal shelter, then gets caught boning a dog
33:50 – Family brings 3-year-old into Indianapolis children’s health clinic to get a blood test, and the female lab technician bites the kid’s shoulder. Jah thinks biting the kid’s back is weirder than the other dude 69ing a German Shepherd: “Dogs don’t talk, dude.”
40:32 – Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee: “I’m pretty sure there’ll be duck hunting in Heaven, and I can’t wait.”
51:05 – We are on the cusp of having the first Playmate born in the 1990s
56:04 – Southwest Airlines boots another scantily-clad woman off a flight
7:52 – Beef recall – woman being interviewed inside of a grocery mart, got flustered: “It makes me feel very scared… I mean, really – I don’t know what to eat. What do I eat?”
8:48 – Barack Obama on the Tyra Banks show. Tyra: “Let’s talk Barak n’ Roll. Who’s on your iPod?” Obama: “Jay-Z …. Miles Davis.”
22:20 – Kimberly Bell, Barry Bonds’ former mistress: “I always figured he had PMS, you know like a woman. It went from ‘I want to know where you’re at’ to ‘I’m going to fucking kill you, cut your head off and leave you in a ditch.’”
23:08 – A new birth control pill is out called Yaz. Seth likes a baseball player named Yaz (former Red Sox slugger Carl Yazstremski) and Jah says there was a band in the ‘80s called Yaz.
25:38 – Mother battling Delta Airlines for unfair treatment. Was planning on taking 1-year-old conjoined twins who share a heart on a flight. She bought a seat for herself and one for her girls – Delta demands she buy three seats because they have two mouths for the oxygen masks.
33:45 – Jonathan revisits Yoplait ad campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (originally mentioned in Episode 003)
55:04 – Colorado couple enjoying Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and find a condom in it … Campbell’s offers them a coupon
5:32 – In Maryland, officials have requested that all registered sex offenders in neighborhoods post NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE sign on their front doors
16:21 – Razor scooters has recalled 20,000 of E-300 electric scooters because the handles can break off – Jah jacked up his tooth on a Razor
17:33 – New law in California just passed – in order to up the 72-hour time period after a baby is born, you have 7 days to give the baby away to a fire station or police station
20:28 – City officials in New Jersey want to establish a register for the 100-plus gumball machines in the town because some of them are unlicensed and they believe terrorists could use them to strike
22:16 – Man in New Jersey fills out a withdrawal slip and hands to teller. Someone had written on the back of the slip THIS IS A STICK-UP. Teller activated the alarm and stalled the man; the man then walked outside to a full arsenal of local and state troopers in the parking lot
22:53 – City of Baltimore goes a full seven days without a homicide
23:32 – Southwest Airlines wouldn’t let a man on the plane who was wearing a shirt that read MASTER BAITER.
16:49 – High school pep rally pits seniors versus the juniors in various games and events – a tug-of-war battle causes two junior boys to sever their hands on the rope
19:20 – 80,000 cans of silly string are on their way to American soldiers in Iraq
24:46 – Madden Curse update – Titans QB Vince Young out with a quadriceps injury
35:36 – GMA shows video of a woman completely asleep at the wheel of a van just cruising down the highway. They follow her for 30 miles
39:56 – Cats need taurine or they die
2:37 – Jah does his Jim Carrey “Smmokin!!”
3:00 – In the fourth inning of Game 2 of the World Series, Red Sox rookie Jacoby Ellsbury won America a free taco with his stolen base
6:46 – Maxim’ unsexiest women list: features Britney Spears, Madonna, Sandra Oh, Amy Winehouse, Sarah Jessica Parker
8:50 – More than one-quarter of the pregnant women in West Virginia smoked last year
9:51 – UMass offering a new class, History 297D – “How Does the Song Go: The Grateful Dead As A Window Into American Culture”
14:44 – Pepsi delivery man and Coke delivery man get into fistfight on loading dock of Pennsylvania Wal-Mart – Pepsi wins
17:44 – Durex condoms is taking applications for condom testers – received over 4,000 applicants
52:56 – Rudy Giuliani’s best friend is a defrocked priest who’s molested kids and can’t be a priest. Giuliani defends him and says he didn’t do it. During his trial, his defense attorney went to one of the high schools where he was going nuts and interviewed four kids he didn’t molest. Seth: “If you were defending a murderer, could you grab four people out of Starbucks and be like, ‘Did you ever get murdered by my dude?’ and they’d be like ‘No.’ And be like, These four people were not murdered by my client, what’s up now? You lookin’ at these four people? They weren’t murdered by him, so how could he murder him?”
56:35 – Couple in Spokane, WA, going through a divorce – husband plans an elaborate front lawn Halloween extravaganza, asks the wife to come in and get on the ladder and test out the noose. Husband turns the radio up, shuts the garage door and kicks the ladder out from underneath her. Wife manages to slip out and run to neighbors’.
12:55 – Domino’s has managed to come up with another pizza: the Crispy Melt Pizza – melted cheese and a topping between two crusts
18:20 – Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew: “Kobe is gay. Anyone who seen him out at the club know it. Kobe is gay.”
25:57 – Jordan’s Furniture in Avon, Mass. – promotion that ran from March 7 – April 16 “Jordan’s Monster Deal” – any furniture would be free, credit cards refunded, if the Red Sox won the 2007 World Series. 30,000 families purchased furniture during this time period, and more than $20 million in furniture was given away. Jordan’s issued a statement saying they were happy the Sox won and the insurance company was the big loser here. One man furnished his whole house with more than $40,000 in furniture
28:28 – John McCain speaking to supporters at New Hampshire Smith & Wesson factory on Oct. 22: “I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell, and I will shoot him with your products.”
58:36 – Number 1 holiday wish ahead of peace and happiness: A computer
4:41 – Ben Curtis, former Dell dude, who was busted in February 2003 for trying to buy weed killed his contract with Dell. He’s now working at a restaurant in Manhattan called Tortilla Flats. He went as the Dell Dude on Halloween
6:13 – John Coleman, founder of The Weather Channel: “Global warming is the greatest scam in history.”
22:07 – Larry King to Seinfeld: “So, Seinfeld, it was your choice or they canceled you?”
24:58 – Police sheriff in N. Dakota scheduled a fake meet-and-greet with Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie while they were in town on tour for a show. Letters were sent to deadbeat dads all over the area to come by for an open bar and private party. 40 deadbeat dads were arrested at the scene. Ozzy was pissed: “It’s insulting to me and to my audience and it shows how lazy this particular sheriff is when it comes to doing his job.”
26:40 – Urbana Ill. teacher arrested for making second-grade students play “tasting game” in his after-school class
37:23 – Chinese kid toy Aqua Dots recalled because, when ingested, they have the same chemical reaction as GHB
43:10 – Harvard University offering a new course in which 900-plus students have enrolled: Happiness: Learning How to Live a Fulfilling and Flourishing Life in Positive Psychology
50:23 – In Hebron, Conn., a 35-year-old man was arrested after several 911 calls demanding that they bring him beer
2:28 – In China, they found hairbands for women in salons – 3 cents for 10 – made with used condoms
13:58 – Jones Soda celebrating the holiday season with Christmas (egg nog, sugarplum, Christmas tree and Christmas ham) and Hannukah (applesauce, jelly donut, latkes and chocolate coins) flavors
16:08 – USA sets a new record – more than 1 million cases of Chlamydia in 2005 (Seth claps for the clap)
16:42 – Pentagon approves the sale of Playboy magazine on military bases. Seth claims there’s only two ways he’ll cancel his subscription – 1) When Hef leaves this earth or 2) When they have a playmate born in the ’90s
30:12 – People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive – the Doctor, Matt Damon. 1986 Sexiest Man Alive – Mark Harmon. 1987 – Harry Hamlin. 1991 – Patrick Swayze. 1992 – Nick Nolte.
34:51 – 50% of NYU students would permanently give up their right to vote for $1 million
35:57 – Mother is suing St. Louis Cardinals for displaying a message falsely accusing her daughter having an STD on the ballpark scoreboard. Message had girl’s name, followed by … HAS AN STD …. EWWWW. Girl is suing team for $25,000
36:49 – Angelino Hotel in L.A. offers the Brad and Angelino hotel package – prices start at $350, include a DVD selection of feature films starring Pitt and Jolie, a guestroom stocked with current issues of celebrity magazines, a map to the stars’ home, a late-night dinner, drinks at the lounge for 2 and a hangover kit – aspirin, bottled water, sunglasses and under-eye concealer. If available, the hotel’s Escalade will provide transportation
51:34 – Company called introfee, where personal introductions pay – they have put out a birth video bounty, looking for clear footage of a live birth and willing to pay $1,000 for the rights to use it in the 30-second Superbowl XLII ad – must show clear baby emergence, umbilical cord being severed including sound
56:49 – Marc Zuckerburg, the guy who started Facebook, is 23 years old and has a 20% stake worth $3 billion
3:52 – Alan Thicke’s ringtones for Diff'rent Strokes and Facts of Life theme songs are being sold for $2.99 – Thicke makes $.11 per purchase
9:57 – It costs $1.67 to make a penny
17:55 – Drew Carey: “I can’t go without the internet even for a day. When my fiancé and I are in different cities, we go on dates in Second Life. It’s a website that’s like a virtual world. We could just talk on the phone, but we meet online instead. It’s fun.”
26:05 – Fan grabbing player’s full package on Lambeau Leap – picture caught in paper
26:55 – Mercury Morris, member of undefeated ’72 Dolphins, while golfing in Miami, comments on the Patriots’ undefeated run: “They got more icebergs to go. They’re going through on this Titanic trip that they’re talking about. So far nobody’s made it across there except us. So we’re over here, we’re docked. We’re waiting here for ya. Right now they haven’t done this. Don’t call me when you’re in my town. Call me when you’re on my block. And when I see you next door, when you’re moving in your furniture, that’s when I know you’re going to play for the championship. And if you win, I’ll be dressed in a tuxedo and I’ll be waiting with my bride.”
28:10 – Halftime of NY Jets home games at Gate D is an unabashed show-us-your-tits Mardi Gras party – Sunday was a free-for-all with security not doing anything
30:06 – Boston University students drinking beer during course … at Duke University, a UYD caller took “The First 10 Years of Funk” but couldn’t get into “The Epitome of Cool.”
32:07 – Carny worker at a fair in Maryland called a number written inside of a port-a-potty five times, leaving a message saying he wanted some carny knowledge. Was a voicemail of a cell phone of a 15-year-old girl, and now he faces up to 15 years in jail for soliciting sex of a minor
34:49 – 37-year-old sex offender on trial in Sheboygan WI for sex with underage girls. His name? Pheuk Kue.
44:17 – A retreat will be held later in the year on Orcas Island in the Puget Sound for a technology fast – no internet, no e-mails, no cell phones, no texting. Counselors work to break these terrible addictions
46:24 – Video released of a former firefighter who had been in a coma for 10 years when he woke up and was reaching for his little boy but the dude was fully grown. Seth thinks you couldn’t be out for more than 2 ½ days without having an utter breakdown freakout
11:50 – Dane Cook was asked, “You’ve been getting a lot of acting work lately. How does that compare with stand-up.” Dane: “It works a different muscle.”
17:45 – New college classes: Beginning in January 2008, University of Hawaii introduces “Basics of Home Brewing” – detailing brewing hand-crafted ales in the comfort of your own home
21:11 – In Birmingham, Ala., it is illegal to sell any type of a sex toy. In Oxford, Miss., you can only get cold beer in bars and restaurants
28:13 – Graffiti on church in Los Gatos, Calif.: ALL HAIL SAITAN
31:25 – Driving instructor from Borat is suing producers of the movie for his unfavorable depiction
33:16 – Spirit Airlines causes controversy with new Fort Lauderdale to Bahamas cut prices – fare promotion is called Many Islands, Low Fares (MILF)
49:49 – 28-year-old grandmother in Illinois
4:00 – David Blaine is in training because in May ’08 he is going to attempt a new world record – staying awake for 12 straight days sans chemicals.
5:52 – Cornell University study concludes that more college students take courses that are considered to be easier or will be easier to get a very good grade in
7:03 – Last week it was the MILF special at Spirit Airlines, now it’s Seattle’s new Metro line, SLUT – South Lake Union Trolley, $52 million 1.3-mile public transportation line. Jah: “Ride that SLUT.”
14:38 – Houston driver leads cops on a 25-mile chase through city, pulled over, says “Yeah, my parking brake was stuck.”
15:08 – About 10,000 people every year treated in emergency rooms in month of December for injuries due to holiday decorating: burns, falls, shocks and cuts
24:48 – Criminals Gone Wild – features 100% real never before seen footage of criminals as they go on brutal rampages on U.S. streets. Watch as unsuspecting victims get beat, robbed, jacked and shot. Osama Bin Laden has nothing on these guys.
36:36 – 2007 Merriam Webster’s word of the year: woot or w00t – word used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness or triumph over an opponent
40:49 – Chyler Leigh – did movie called Kickboxing Academy in the 1997 and made out with her own brother, Christopher Khayman Leigh, three times in the movie
50:01 – Seth updates us on Pheuk Kue from Cheboygan WI (Episode 093). Seth tries to trick Jah with this story: Guy has child with woman, not together, daughter never meets father. Turns 18, mother and daughter say it’s time to meet biological father because you’re an adult now. Jah cuts him off: “There’s no way you do that.” Biological father tried to climb into bed the first night she was there and get up on that
53:48 – 61-year-old paramedic in Portland goes to scene of accident, puts woman in ambulance, rushes to local hospital – but not before he tries to bone down with the woman in the back of the ambulance
9:18 – Recap of 2006 People’s Choice Awards. Favorite Female Action Star: Halle Berry. Funniest Male Movie Star: Robin Williams. Favorite Rock Group: Nickelback
17:37 – Surgeon at a hospital in Arizona is being disciplined for using his cell phone to take a picture of a dude’s prick while the dude was in for gall bladder surgery. Dude runs a topless bar in Phoenix and has the words HOT ROD tattooed on his cock after losing a bet. … Lane Jansen had a tattoo on his calf of a pin-up girl and gave her breast implants with mini silicon sacks placed where her boobs would be.
27:00 – Saturday is World Orgasm Day
46:35 – Chick at Memphis Grizzlies game flashes her tits during the “Dance Cam”
54:08 – 22-year-old wants to meet his birth mother and finds out she works at Lowe’s with him
7:40 – Panther fans started a website ruinromo.com, where you print out faces of Jessica Simpson, put them on sticks and distract him during the game. Jessica Simpson dubbed as “Yoko Romo.” Had a movie released last weekend called Blonde Ambition – made $1,322 this weekend – still more than Zyzzyx Road starring Tom Sizemore
17:21 – New law takes effect Jan. 1 in Texas – the pole tax – additional $5 fee for customers at strip clubs, proceeds go to rape victims
30:23 – NY Islanders player Miroslav Satan has 666 career points
30:50 – Panasonic will unveil a 150-inch plasma HDTV at the upcoming Consumer Electronics show (Sharp currently has largest at 108 inches)
46:37 – 29-year-old from Washington successfully “swats” someone for the 4th time … somehow he hacks into the phone system and acts like he’s calling the cops from other people’s residences screaming that someone has been murdered and they need to get there ASAP. Most recently a couple and their baby were awakened in the middle of the night and handcuffed for it. They call it “SWATting” because you get points for getting SWAT teams to show up, extra points for door being knocked down and people being cuffed
24:23 – During first half of Lakers-Celtics game, Lakers wear throwback short shorts from the 1980s. Derek Fisher wears nothing under them
26:38 – The McRib is back. Seth had 2 today and they were delicious. It’s on it’s third farewell tour.
30:21 – Store for tweens in Garland, TX was offering a free trip and tickets to see Hannah Montana. Over 1,000 girls submitted a short essay. The winner was a 6-year-old girl with the following quote from her essay: “My daddy died this year in Iraq. I’m going to give mommy the angel pendant daddy put on mommy when she was having me. I love mommy.” At the ceremony at the store, when a news reporter who couldn’t find husband’s military records confronted her, woman flipped out and said, “I don’t want to be on camera. Get away. We never said anything like this was a true story. Never. It’s just an essay. We do essays all the time.”
31:50 – Atari shares drop to an all-time low. Seth: “Really? Atari’s shares are dropping? They’re still alive? That’s still a thing? Atari’s still a business? You could go to a building and be like DING DONG!”
32:44 – The 25th annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards will take place at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas on Saturday, Jan. 12.
39:54 – History teacher in Bakersfield, California arrested for offering to two of his female students to trace his cock and balls with a pencil on a piece of paper and give it to them. Charge is annoying a child.
2:30 – District representative from northern California – Mondale Ferraro
5:39 – McDonald’s launching coffee bars with baristas in nearly all their 14,000 locations
9:19 – Democratic presidential hopeful Mike Gravel speaking to a group of high school students in New Hampshire: “Alcohol is a heck of a lot worse than marijuana, and I’m sure a lot of you have tripped out on alcohol. Well it’s a lot safer to do it on marijuana. Marijuana is not addictive and you should be able to buy it in package stores.”
10:59 – Convicted kidnapper and child molester at a federal penitentiary in California dies after choking on a hot dog
17:44 – Joaquin Phoenix spells his own name wrong backstage at the People’s Choice Awards when he wrote his thank-you speech on placards: HI, I’M JOAQIN.
19:01 – Guess who wins “Funniest Male Actor” for the second year in a row? Robin Williams for License to Wed
22:29 – New drunk driving champion: Oregon woman Terri Comer beats previous high of .69 last month with .72 BAC – found passed out in her car by a snowbank near a Don’t Drink & Drive highway sign
24:39 – 21-year-old Brian Hathaway report: in April of 2005 he was arrested after killing a horse and trying to fuck the horse on a woman’s property, went to jail, got out, just got re-arrested when people found him in the woods trying to bone down on a dead deer
30:05 – Onslaught of Wii-related injuries are plaguing America. Refer to www.wiihaveaproblem.com for more details
36:33 – Top baby names of 2007 – Cayden (any spelling) came up several times according to Seth; Top boys: 1. Jacob, 2. Michael, 3. Joshua, 4. Ethan, 5. Matthew, 6. Daniel, 7. Christopher 8. Andrew, 9. Anthony, 10. William ….. (22. Jonathan, 74. Jesus, 103. Seth, 210. Ty). Top girls: 1. Emily, 2. Emma, 3. Madison, 4. Isabella, 5. Eva, 6. Abigail, 7. Olivia, 8. Hannah, 9. Sophia, 10. Samantha … (37. Destiny, 43. Nevaeh, 237. Brooklyn, 316. Diamond, 440. Mercedes, 458. America, 555. Precious, 711. Akeelah, 852. Karma, 959. Alizae)
17:20 – PETA officials send a letter to prison officials in Tyler, Texas, requesting that a man recently to prison for killing and eating his girlfriend be placed on a strict vegetarian diet. Sheriff’s reply: “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”
18:21 – Soulja Boy gets a young woman pregnant, then stops returning her calls and texts ever since she tells him that she’s pregnant
26:28 – Oaksterdam University – Oakland U – but so much weed going on that they call it Oaksterdam. Enrollment just ended this week for new school year. New course teaches students the history, theory, criticism and politics of cannibis. Also how to cultivate, market and distribute legal issues are covered. Students encouraged to work at dispensaries or even open up their own. The newest course in “higher” education
3:19 – Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee speaking in South Carolina: “If you think you’re going to engage the U.S. military, be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of hell, for that’s exactly what you’ll see.”
3:53 – John McCain: “I’m not interested in trading with Al Qaeda. All they want to trade is burkhas. I don’t want to travel with them. They like one-way tickets.”
5:41 – Seth gives us some more Andy Rooney: Of all the inventions of man, I’d be lost without elastic bands and umbrellas. Designers won’t let us alone. No one needs a clever umbrella. Personally I prefer a simple black umbrella. We don’t throw away broken umbrellas for some reason, we use them.
9:02 – The Astrological Magazine website has a message on the front page: WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, THE PUBLICATION OF THE ASTROLOGICAL MAGAZINE WILL CEASE WITH THE DECEMBER 07 ISSUE. Seth: “And your lucky number’s 8.”
14:07 – Baby name remorse – parents second-guess names they’ve given their children because either they were too odd, they were an impulse name or every other kid in their grade has that name. Legally changing names at age 4-5. Some other popular names for boys: 121. Ashton, 318. Jerry, 355. Walter, 375. Chad, 548. Craig, 605. Maverick (Jah: “Hands down worst name ever.”), 637. Sincere, 764. Ralph, 905. Chaz. For girls: 169. Genesis, 298. Esther, 572. Aspen, 580. Patience, 644. Lyric, 660. Cristal, 751. Cherish, 839. Essence.
3:24 – Feb. 1, 2008 – “The Eye” released starting Jessica Alba
13:45 – Sunday marks 24th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s hair catching on fire during a Pepsi commercial shoot
15:38 – Mercury Morris quote about the Patriots’ undefeated streak from Week 10 revisited: “They have icebergs to go through on this Titanic trip. They’re talking about a lot of things. We’re docked over here, waiting on you. I’m telling you, they haven’t done that. So don’t come to me. Don’t call me when you’re in my town, call me when you’re on my block. I’ll see you in my neighborhood. I’ll see you next door moving your furniture in. And if you do, I’ll be in my tux waiting on my bride.” They come back and interview him again this week: “OK, they’re on my block. They approaching on the street where I live. The question is, will they be able to park. On February 3, 2007. One thing’s to be on that street, another thing’s to get out and look at that real estate.”
20:55 – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, while posing with a group of South Carolina African American teens for a photo: “Who let the dogs out? Who!? Who!?” Mother hands him a baby to kiss: “You got some bling-bling!”
21:41 – Bill Clinton in a church listening to a pastor talking about MLK, sound asleep
39:14 – New York man receives a voucher from Starbucks for any Starbucks drink. Ordered a 13-add shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. Drink’s total came to $13.76 with tax and had 975 mg of caffeine in it
43:57 – Wednesday, Jan. 30 is International Delete Your Myspace Page Day.
54:46 – 29-year-old stepfather on trial in N.Y. for killing his stepdaughter because she ate the rest of his yogurt. His defense attorney submitted as evidence a photograph of a coffee mug that was given to him by his stepdaughter that said WORLD’S GREATEST DAD. Seth: “The defense rests! And we out!”
13:32 – America’s Most Wanted is at 973 catches
14:43 – The U.S. saw over 176,000 mistakes due to errors involving similar drug names. A boy was supposed to get Zyrtec for allergies, but instead was given Zyprex for severe schizophrenia
15:54 – Dan in Illinois currently taking a game design class in McHenry County College. Instead of meeting in class for the biweekly lecture they meet in Second Life. MCC purchased an island in the game. On the island they have a digital classroom setup with auditorium-like seating, blackboards and all
34:48 – 24-year-old Paul Feinstein was upset that an Austin radio station made changes to his internet overnight broadcast radio program playlist. In response to the alteration, he lit the studio on fire. His show is titled “Mellow Down Easy”
43:50 – U.S. has over 9 million vanity plates. According to American Association of Motor Vehicles, No. 1 state is Virginia, followed by New Hampshire, Illinois, Nevada and Montana. No. 22 is California, No. 46 is Massachusetts, No. 50 is Texas. Top ranked vanity plates from coolpl8z.com: 2) AGINA – Virginia license plate with a giant V on it; 4) NOT OJ on a white Bronco; 46) OMG STFU; 60) COPS SUC; 87) UB6 IB9; 100) CIVL WAR – license plate in South Carolina. Jah’s is OU812 b/c he’s such a huge Van Halen fan
53:13 – The Ashley Madison Agency – “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.” Completely anonymous #1 dating service of its kind, which is for married people. Over 1,760,000 members have signed up
7:53 – Redtube site was hacked this week and visitors to the site were greeted with a banner that said NO PORN
9:10 – Val Kilmer is playing the voice of Kitt for the new Knight Rider. Will Arnett dropped out because Kitt is a Ford Mustang and he has a conflict of interest with his contract with GMC trucks
11:53 – Corey Haim takes out a full-page ad in Variety magazine on Feb. 7 saying it’s not a stunt, and that he’s ready to work and make amends
15:24 – The annual SI Swimsuit Issue will be published in mid-February. Those who do not want to receive it can call SI so they do not, and will get their subscription extended
20:02 – 50 Cent: “Ain’t nothin’ bad about Obama in my eyes. I’m not sure America ready to have a black president. I think they might kill him.”
25:06 – 9.3 million Americans have AOL dial-up internet service
27:56 – New signs in midtown Manhattan and East Village: EUROS ACCEPTED
30:12 – In San Diego, man tries to hang himself. Girlfriend comes home, cuts him down and revives him. He then begins to pull around the room by her hair. A couple across the street in their car see him dragging her, the man in the car climbs through the window and puts the dude in a choke hold – the man loses consciousness and dies. Jah: “Apparently it was his time to go.” (31:38)
33:59 – In Odessa, Texas, a man was accused of killing his wife. Police found her on floor of home, wrapped in a bedsheet with a cross on top of her. Man says he was holding her face to the floor performing an exorcism, when the devil left her body and went into his, forcing him to kill her
10:16 – Meredith Viera interviewing Jane Fonda on Thursday morning on The Today Show about the 10th anniversary of The Vagina Monologues. Fonda: “I hadn’t seen the play. I was asked to do a monologue called Cunt.” Jonathan finds the clip on Youtube and plays it live on the show at 15:25
18:52 – Robert Burke, the Times Square Naked Cowboy, is suing Mars Inc. for $6.65 million a new billboard they put up in Times Square – billboard features a scantily clad blue M&M with a guitar with scenes of New York in the background. Claim is that they’re stealing Burke’s trademark
23:41 – In 1967, DisneyLand closed its “House of the Future” – a pod-shaped all-plastic dwelling with hands-free phones, wall-sized televisions and electric razors. In May, they will reopen a new futuristic home in Tomorrowland – kitchen countertops that will be able to identify groceries and closets that will identify and suggest outfits
26:23 – The #1 song in the country on Aug. 7, 1977 – the day Jah was born – “I Just Wanna Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb. On Sept. 20, 1973, the #1 song was “Delta Dawn” by Helen Reddy (www.thisdayinmusic.com)
27:46 – PETA is protesting a bill being sponsored by several politicians to make The Colonel’s Finger-Lickin’ Good Original Fried Chicken recipe as Kentucky’s official picnic food. PETA is still trying after two years to have the bust of Col. Sanders removed from the Capitol of Kentucky
31:32 – The head of Cal State’s Medical Association is named Dr. Frankenstein
33:32 – San Diego teacher taught for 17 years, but he was unable to read, write or spell during his 17-year duration as a teacher
49:54 – Seth watches his show Jail, with special footage of O.J. rolling in to the Clark County Prison in Las Vegas. O.J. was talking about finding his golf swing
1:07 – National Geographic reports on barnacles evolving penises eight times the length of their own bodies. If the water is gentle, the penis is long; if the water is rough, the penis is short and stout
12:48 – “Never Back Down” comes out on March 14 – it’s basically “The Karate Kid” except with MMA
13:53 – Starbucks is testing a new premium drip coffee called “A Fresh Pressed;” brews each cup individually. Womens advocacy groups find Starbucks’ new “skinny” drinks politically incorrect
23:57 – Hacienda Heights, Calif., is home to the country’s first feng shui McDonald’s
24:58 – FAA is investigating a Go Airlines flight in Hawaii last week that had no cockpit contact for 25 minutes – believed that both pilot and co-pilot were asleep with plane on auto-pilot
32:04 – May 12, 2008 – the price of a 41-cent stamp will rise to 42 cents. Postcards jump from 26 cents to 27 cents (Episode 057, 56:29). Seth is frustrated by this, contradicting his rant from Episode 012 at 50:05
33:23 – The Guinness Book of World Records has been bought by Ripley’s Believe It Or Not
38:28 – Sen. Chris Buttars from Utah embroiled in controversity with Salt Lake City NAACP for making this comment about a bill he opposed: “This baby is black; it is a dark and ugly thing.” When asked for an apology from local African American leaders, he complained of “a hate lynch mob” out to get him. When that caused further controversy, he said “How do I know what words I’m supposed to use in front of those people?”
42:28 – Two major graffiti artist arrests made this week – Spek of the ITD Crew in Boston was arrested, as well as Guser of the UPN Crew in L.A.
54:35 – Big Sister now expanding into the U.S. after existing in the Czech Republic. You walk into a company, go to a touchscreen menu of prostitutes and bone down for free. The catch is your exploits are filmed and uploaded onto this site, and people pay money to have a catalog of the viewing
12:37 – Online actitivists: Brian Bates, the Video Vigilante, videotapes hookers and pimps in Oklahoma City and confronts them; Jimmy Justice videotapes traffic officers throughout NYC breaking laws they’re supposed to enforce, then confronts them. Videos posted on YouTube
14:46 – Ryan Krop, a short-order cook at Texas Roadhouse restaurant, arrested after putting his pubes inside a diner’s steak
34:56 – Steve Erwin’s son bob, 4 years old, was bitten by a boa constrictor while handling several snakes
37:28 – Complaints coming in for past 2 years of difficulty breathing, nosebleeds and various other malities that families living in FEMA trailers since Hurricane Katrina have been reporting. Center for Disease Control and Prevention have determined that all 519 trailers they tested contained 5 times the acceptable level of carcinogenic formaldehyde gas
44:15 – During a screening of the new horror move “The Signal” in Fullerton, Calif., a man seated in the back row 30 minutes into the movie stabbed a lone moviegoer in front of him in the chest and arm. He then walked toward the screen and stabbed another lone moviegoer in the arm. As the two moviegoers fled, the man managed to exit the theater, and then the movie resumed. The film is about a mysterious electronic signal that compels people to kill
56:42 – A goo girl is a girl who enjoys the taste of semen. San Francisco magazine has a profile on Marisa Mayer, a top employee at Google. The banner hanging behind her picture says GOOGIRL
5:52 – Seth heard that Tyson-Holyfield III is in the works. Last time they fought was June 1997
15:49 – IHOP launches their new Dr. Seuss (pronounced Sois) Horton Hears a Who menu – Whocakes, green hags and ham, beaslenut splash
25:19 – After 13 years Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest person. At $58 billion he’s dropped to No. 3. New No. 1 is Jimmy Buffett - $62 billion (Jah improves some “Margaritaville” lyrics). 23-year-old Facebook founder Marc Zuckerberg is No. 785, worth $1.5 billion
30:39 – Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia, broke up with his girlfriend, Canadian TV personality Rachel Marsden, on his Wikipedia show. She is now auctioning off a couple of his belongings on ebay. Marsden was given one year probation in 2004 for criminally harassing a boyfriend following a breakup
39:23 – Cosmopolitan magazine held a luncheon this week in NYC to honor their 2008 “Fun, Fearless” men. In attendance were Jessica Simpson ex’s Dane Cook and John Mayer, as well as current boyfriend Tony Romo
44:32 – Lesbians coming together to change the name of their sexuality to gayelles
2:23 – Patrick Swayze, suffering from pancreatic cancer, is caught on film coming out of his chemotherapy treatment with a cigarette in his mouth
4:43 – Follow-up on dude who stabbed the 2 people in “The Signal” (Episode 106) was arrested in Vegas, under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms
5:40 – The Vagina Monologues tour made its way to New Orleans this week, and Mayor Ray Nagin said “…I stand before you a Vagina-friendly mayor. I’m in.” Nagin also had the famous “chocolate city” quote after the Katrina fiasco (mentioned in Ep. 16)
8:17 – Telemarketers in Delaware have begun using a new number that shows up on people’s Caller ID as 867-5309.
15:53 – In Driggs, Idaho, Dawn Wells, 69, (played Marianne on Gilligan’s Island) got 6 months probation, 5 days in jail and a fine for being pulled over with a DUI. Three joints were found in her car. She said on her way home she picked up three hitchhikers, and when they started smoking she threw them out
27:17 – Barack Obama’s pastor in Chicago, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, starts yelling about Bill Clinton “ridin’ dirty” on Lewinsky while he’s humping the podium and the dude behind him is literally losing it and hitting him on the back
30:20 – Residents of Summerfield, Ore., be warned: a driver’s license has been renewed for 8 years for 100-year-old resident Margaret Pearson, driving a 1989 Chevy Caprice Classic
39:51 – Natural childbirth is a revolutionary orgasmic birth. Women can achieve what is called the greatest orgasm of their lives during childbirth. Revealed as an “integral part of a woman’s sexuality,” and is a “widely neglected human right.”
50:28 – Celeb For a Day, started in Austin TX and is now in LA. A List Package - $250; Superstar Package - $600; Megastar Package - $1,500. In the Megastar Package, 6 paparazzi follow you around for 2 hours, a publicist will tell people to stop bothering you, bodyguards protect you from paparazzi and crowds, you get limo service and a glossy magazine cover
3:58 – Harris Poll conducted with CareerBuilder.com asked 3,000 U.S. hiring managers and HR directors the worst things potential employees have done during interviews: dude answers cell phone during interview and asks interviewer to leave her own office; one dude told an interviewer he might not need the job b/c his uncle was dying and he might get the inheritance; and a dude asked for a ride home after the interview; dude says he got fired from his last job for beating up his previous boss
22:26 – DMX in an interview with XXL magazine: “Barack Obama? Where he from? Africa? What the fuck? That ain’t his fuckin’ name!”
28:33 – Joe Francis is out of jail after 10 months in prison. He asked Ashley Dupre, Elliott Spitzer’s lady, $1 million to pose nude in the GGW Magazine, but then someone at GGW finds her in the database 4 years ago in the bus in Miami boning down on Spring Break. They withdraw the $1 million, but her lawyer says she was only 17 when she did that… so Joe might be in trouble again
42:47 – Word on the street, according to UYD listener Matt Robinson, is that there is a film in production with Ricky Gervais called “This Side of the Truth.” A pivotal scene of the film will be filmed in Haverhill, Mass.
48:52 – Jake Frazier, who has 3 HR baseballs hit by Barry Bonds, was explaining to Yahoo! sports why he didn’t get his hands on No. 762: “I’m always stoned to the bone during games. I’d been smoking big weed 10 minutes before that guy hit the ball, so they had a big advantage on me.”
0:45 – Northstar Media of Toronto has bought rights to 21 IMAX movies to be shown on mobile phones
2:02 – Seth finds an article from a February 1995 Newsweek titled “The Internet – Bah!” by Clifford Stoll … “I’m uneasy about this most trendy and oversold community. I say baloney.”
10:13 – Dr Pepper will give every person in America a free can of soda if Axl Rose will release Chinese Democracy in 2008 – he’s been working on it for 10 years
12:50 – Adolfus August Busch V, 17, was arrested at a party in Illinois for underage drinking. He was drinking Natural Light beer, the cheapest, worst-tasting beer on the market – however, it is an Anheuser-Busch product
16:39 – Tuesday’s Mavericks-Clippers basketball game was shown live in 3D at Mark Cuban’s Landmark Theater in Dallas, made using James Cameron’s 3D cameras (originally mentioned in Episode 052)
17:24 – Robin Williams and his wife Marsha are getting divorced. Seth feels bad for her for having to be married to him for 19 years. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are getting married
22:08 – The Advocate reports a story about a man in Oregon named Thomas Beatie, who was born a woman but is now transgendered and legally male and living with his wife Nancy. He had his breasts removed and takes testosterone, but chose to keep his female reproductive organs. His wife cannot carry a child, so they have chosen to artificially inseminate him, and he is set to give birth on July 3. He also has a 5 o’clock shadow and a bump
31:51 – Seth recalls Anderson Cooper interviewing Kenny Chesney and how they were ready to bone down. On Sunday night Cooper interviewed David Beckham, but Cooper was more attracted to Beckham than he was to Chesney, except Beckham wasn’t receptive to it
11:56 – Weezer has a new album coming out. For the third time in the last 6 albums the album name will be called “Weezer.” Jah says Rivers Cuomo is a wacky dude, but he definitely respects their music. Jah says he respects REM as well.
16:26 – Rickrolling is when a person provides an enticing link to someone in an e-mail or post, and it takes the user to video of Rick Ashley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” that they cannot click off of until it is done. The name originated out of a “duckroll,” which leads you to an image of a duck on wheels. On April Fool’s Day, more than 20 different sites performed the Rickroll hoax
43:59 – Seth reads and watches a lot of material that says noone is getting any sleep these days. Jonathan declares that he gets 8 hours of sleep a day. The problem is he ends up staying up ultra late so he has to provide himself a life that doesn’t require him to do anything before 3 p.m., which he admits is completely uncool
56:26 – Update on Arkansas law that had a loophole in the bill allowing anyone of any age with parental permission to get married (originally mentioned in Episode 088, 48:46). The law was revised so that wouldn’t happen
16:41 – Beginning with the movie “Up” next year, all Pixar movies will be filmed in 3D
18:37 – Burger King is planning on unveiling a smaller, slicker, trendier Whopper Bar. It will cater to fans of the burger (Seth: “You know, Whopperheads”)
26:19 – Starbucks is testing letting their customers pour their own coffee to halt complains and declines in patronage
28:55 – Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday at Ruby Tuesday’s and Wal-Mart. Jah: “Get some Taz slippers.” (Episode 038)
31:52 – America’s Most Wanted is at 997 captures (update from Episode 102)
43:30 – Hot new trend: Monkids. More than 10,000 people in the U.S. have monkeys that live in their house as more than just pets. They live more like children, although it is illegal in about 20 states. A lot of couples in their 60s and 70s are down with it since they’re empty nesters. Monkey Matters magazine
51:48 – Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres, has the most expensive beer prices in all MLB. A 16-ounce Bud Light is $6.50. A keg of Bud Light on the street costs $76. The same $76 at that ballgame would get you 12 cups of beer. With the keg you’d get 124 cups of beer.
55:01 – Dude sent a Dell laptop back and it comes back to him with a keyboard covered in pubes. He took a picture of it and put it on a website.
1:00:53 – Back in 1995, Terry Cottle, 33, killed himself, but his heart was donated to a guy on a waiting list in Hilton Head, S.C. The recipient called up the guy’s widow to thank her and started boning down on her. They married, and now this week the guy killed himself. Jonathan: “You’ve got to destroy that heart.”
2:49 – Scientists say southern California has a 97% chance of being hit by a catastrophic earthquake in the next 30 years
4:27 – Alarming new trend in teen dating – kids texting each other nude pictures via mobile phone for dating
9:28 – Alicia Keyes to Blender magazine: “The East Coast-West Coast beef between Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled by the government and the media to stop another great black leader from succeeding.”
11:55 – Hallmark will release a new line of recordable greeting cards that allows the listener to record a 10-second message on the card. Along with the message will be followed by a choice of the following songs: “Whoomp! There It Is” by Tag Team; “Shining Star” by Earth, Wind & Fire; “Unbelievable” by EMF; or “Bang The Drum All Day” by Todd Rundgren. You get 220 plays for $6. Seth says his mom would run the battery dead
22:12 – Alarming trend at U.S. airports – homeless dudes pretending to be flying, sleeping on chairs and using restrooms. With the spate in cancellations officials are having a tough time differentiating between real travelers and fake ones
24:42 – Boston’s T transit system starts a “Grope Patrol,” to deal with nonstop complaints from female riders of men exposing themselves and rubbing up against them, also known as “fraterism.” New billboard campaign features woman sandwiched between two men: RUB UP AGAINST ME AND I’LL EXPOSE YOU. Another one with a security camera: FLASH SOMEONE AND YOU’LL BE EXPOSED.
45:03 – Effective January 2009, you will not be able to smoke in a car in L.A. with a minor present in the vehicle
50:57 – Seth found a video online of some drunk Cubs fan standing up in the urinal trough, running down it and sliding on it while being cheered on by other drunk fans.
3:16 – Top 10 most sexually active cities in America, based on contraceptive sales at grocery stores and drug stores: 10) Columbus, OH, 9) Buffalo, 8)Rochester, 7) Baltimore, 6) Cincinnati, 5) Washington D.C., 4) Salt Lake City/Boise, 3) Seattle, 2) San Antonio/Portland, 1) Denver. Jah: “I don’t think I would’ve guessed any of those.”
7:00 – A Googleganger is someone with the same name as yourself that you come across when you Google yourself. Jah admits that he periodically Googles himself, while Seth has never tried this. Jah has also Googled Seth. www.samenameasme.com
11:10 – Sneeze fetishists are aroused by people sneezing
16:34 – A single arch McDonald’s was taken down in Huntsville, Ala., leaving the very last single arch McDonald’s in Muncie, Ind. An original Dunkin’ Donuts sign was taken down in Brighton, Mass., leaving the last original sign in Lake Park, Fla.
22:32 – David Blaine will appear on a live episode of Oprah on April 30, attempting to set a new world record by holding his breath underwater for 16 minutes
29:39 – Kanye West during a concert in Sacramento to the crowd: “What up Seattle? Come on now, Seattle!” Kanye also is quoted in New Yorker saying he was breastfed for too long as a child and that’s why he loves big breasts so much
31:47 – At NYC’s Parker Meridian Hotel, you can call the concierge and get the Wii Boxing Workout for $120 an hour, in which a trainer comes to your room with a Wii and works you out
33:39 – FHM comes out with Top 10 Sexiest Women: 10) Kate Beckinsale, 9) Blake Lively (Jah knows her not from “Gossip Girl” but from “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”), 8) Trisha Helfer, 7) Hillary Duff, 6) Emmanuelle Chriqui, 5) Scarlett Johanssen, 4) Elisha Cuthbert, 3) Jessica Alba, 2) Jessica Biel, 1) Megan Fox
43:20 – Chelsea Clinton did a gay bar crawl in Philadelphia last weekend to tell potential voters about her mom’s “plan for America.” She went to Woody’s, Bump and Sisters
45:27 – Two weeks ago all 3 presidential candidates appeared in skits with Mylie Cyrus at the beginning of the CMT Country Music Awards. They were also on WWE Monday Night Raw. Clinton: “You can call me Hill-Rod.” Barack: “Do you smell what Barack is cookin’?” McCain: “What you gonna do when all the McCainiacs run wild on you?!”
5:38 – Free-range kids are kids whose parents want them to have the same freedoms they had – playing in the neighborhood unsupervised, riding the school bus alone, riding a bike to the library. Seth has a new name for these kids: Free-rape kids.
8:24 – Mother in Williamsburg, Va., buys a discount bin DVD of Batman, leaves her kid to watch it while she goes into the kitchen to cook dinner. The DVD turns out to be Titan Man, a gay porn DVD
14:28 – Hot new trend for expecting moms – belly facials. Trained professionals massage cocoa butter around mom’s midsection to tighten, tone and give an expecting mother “sheen.” It costs $100
18:13 – 18-year-old Ryan Schallenberger, who was turned in by his parents before attempting a Columbine at his high school, had a plan to do crazy damage, die, go to Heaven and kill Jesus
19:36 – Woman gets an ultrasound, and an image of Jesus on the cross is in her womb
28:07 – Two people were killed by sharks this week off the coast of California. Seth doesn’t care
47:23 – Seth thinks he’s found Jeff, his soon-to-be adopted grandson. Latarion Milton, 7 years old, gets mad at his mom and gets in her Dodge Durango, picks up his homie and drives around on an 8-mile spree. He drives it until the 2 front wheels have inverted and they’re up on a sidewalk
49:50 – 21-year-old arrested in a local bank in Fort Worth TX. He was trying to cash a check written from his girlfriend’s mother for $360 billion
2:45 – 64 percent of U.S. teens have used informal text message cyberslang in their written schoolwork. 38% of them have used the term LOL, 25% have used emoticons ☺
4:42 – For the second straight year, the children’s book “And Tango Makes Three” was the most-challenged book in U.S. public schools and libraries according to the American Library Association. The book is the story of 2 gay penguins who adopt a baby penguin, based off actual penguins in NYC’s Central Park Zoo – Roy and Silo. Jah: “If you and I were gay, I would be Silo and you would be Roy.” Seth: “I want to be Silo.” Jah: “But I’m taller than you are and my dick is huuuuuge.”
8:08 – Reminder to UYD listeners that this week the price of a stamp rises from 41 to 42 cents.
8:25 – Guy in Massachusetts who lost his license for his fourth DWI was killed this week riding his bike, after being struck by a drunk driver
11:22 – Jah tries to confirm if the rumor is true that Wii is going to release a video game involving pole dancing
14:38 – Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is under investigation for a sex scandal he had with chief of staff Christine Beattie. Thousands of text messages were recovered, including one choice piece of conversation: KK: THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I COULDN’T FULLY SEDUCE YOU. MY GAME IS OFF. LOL. THANKS FOR THE CONVERSATION. NQT. LOVE YOU. CB: YOUR GAME IS WAY ON BABY. YOU HAD ME AT HELLO (JERRY MAGUIRE, 2000). Seth informs Jah that Jerry Maguire came out in 1996.
16:49 – Cindy Crawford is confused on her percentages while speaking on the environment on Good Morning America, saying 38 billion is half of 50 billion
35:46 – Following up on the $1.26 it takes to make a penny, the U.S. Mint is now saying that it costs $7.78 to make a nickel
4:09 – In order to save fuel, airlines are reducing the speed of their flights – adding 3-10 minutes per flight. Jonathan is curious how many miles per gallon a plane gets
5:25 – Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger announced on the Today Show that 41-year-old Michelle is pregnant. They will be having their 18th baby on New Year’s Day 2009. Names of babies from oldest to youngest: Josh (20), Jana and John David (18), Jill (16), Jessa (15), Jinger (14), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Joyanna (10), Jeremiah and Jedediah (9), Jason (7), James (6), Justin (5), Jackson (3), Johanna (2), Jennifer (9 mos.)
8:37 – The Funky Bunch is reuniting without Marky Mark
9:01 – Maxim’s top 10 ladies: 10) Ashley Tisdale, 9) Lindsay Lohan, 8) Christina Aguilera, 7) Eva Mendes, 6) Elisha Cuthbert, 5) Sarah Michelle Gellar, 4) Eva Longoria, 3) Jessica Biel, 2) Scarlett Johanssen, 1) Marissa Miller
12:00 – A new iPhone with super-fast web speed is just weeks away
12:45 – Newsweek reports that between gas prices, struggling economy, etc., families this summer will be forced to take “staycations.”
24:33 – States drafting new laws that would prevent anyone with a conviction of a sexual crime against children from being able to operate an ice cream truck this summer. Seth’s ice cream of choice was the one with the gumball at the bottom of the cone, while Jah’s was the foot with the gumball as the big toe toenail
26:01 – International Tanning Association says it’s time to rethink sunbathing
27:43 – This Monday, Google will release its new social networking site, Friend Connect
30:41 – Office romances are on the rise, it is the new place to hook up. In a recent poll, 50% have hooked up with a co-worker, and 82% know of a hookup within the office that is “secret.” Employment lawyers have begun drawing up love contracts for new employees that state that if a hookup does occur, neither party is allowed to sue for harassment
32:05 – New birth control called Seasonique. Only have 4 periods a year, it’s taken for 3 months. The pill was approved by the FDA in 1960.
41:56 – Workplace computers have been tested recently by a scientific group, which finds that they’re 5% dirtier than public restroom toilet seats
45:19 – Part of the Republican National Convention (Sept. 1-4, St. Paul, Minn.) merchandise on sale in the Mall of America is official Republican Zubaz pants. Zubaz started in 1987 and hit its peak in 1991 with sales of over $100 million. Jah remembers Zubaz knockoffs on every corner in L.A. Seth says he never owned these but he did have a pair of parachute pants. Jonathan had a black dookie sack suit (MC Hammer-style) for a dance he went to, with full taper and giant crotch narrowing down to a narrow taper. Had shoulderpads and big double breasting. Crotch came down to the knees
4:56 – Jonathan reads a passage from Newsweek regarding creators of downloadable audio/video programs (podcasters) are trying out new names for the technology for the aim of communicating that their work is compatible with a variety of media players, not just iPods. Jonathan says the problem is not the name, it’s the entire concept. He adds that iTunes is the best, so it’s all that matters
7:34 – 10 years ago this summer saw the first release of an mp3 player, the MPMan from South Korea – beat out California-based Diamond Multimedia’s Reo PMP 300
13:01 – Hot new trend is tweens going to day spas. Seth explains that tweens are not teens or pre-teens. 7-12 years old, full Hannah Montana. Tweens are getting facials, chemical peels, having eyebrows done, bikini waxes, etc.
15:52 – 25 years ago, Chris Dunn and Pam Jensen met on a Compuserve CB simulator – a program that linked the first computer users nationwide – the first chat room. After 2 months of chatting, Chris flew from NYC to Chicago, and one year later to the day they were married. America’s first Internet couple
23:14 – Many men no longer feel ashamed to ask for alimony during divorces. The stigma attached to having your ex-wife support you is lessened. It’s now called “manimony.”
23:47 – In Minnesota and N. Dakota, it is illegal to serve a 21-year-old celebrating their birthday until 8 a.m.
24:48 – Wii is releasing a series of games called Frat Party – the first one coming out this summer is called Beer Pong
32:13 – Hazelwood, Mo., man gets pulled over for having an expired license plate. Cop is walking up to the car and sees the guy in the passenger seat pull out his cell phone. Guy makes a call to 911 and calls in a robbery at the convenience store down the road, hoping that the cop would be dispatched to the store. Dispatcher hears cop asking the driver for his license and registration, and sends another cop by there, who brings him in for the prank call
47:41 – Scientificmatch.com is a new dating website only available in Boston/Providence. For a fee of $995, you give the site a saliva sample and get a match based on a new study of mate attraction using a technology called MHC. Lets users noses guide them to a perfect match. “Olifactory harmony.”
51:24 – McKinney High School in Texas – 583 students had altered pictures in the yearbook. Girls’ heads on boys’ bodies, outfits on different people, one girl was missing an arm and two bodies had no clothes on and were partially blurred out. Lifetouch apologized and said “they must have misinterpreted the guidelines.”
59:55 – Jah confirms the rumor that the 3G iPhone official announcement is set for Monday, June 9
2:33 – Seth’s dad, Joe Romatelli, manages to work his way into a Boston Globe article about UYD friend Matt Robinson’s movie he’s shooting in Seth’s hometown of Haverhill, Mass. The article is about some of the residents of the old folks’ home who got to appear as extras in the movie, “This Side of the Truth.” After one of the residents says she will get an agent after her newfound fame, “… You’ll need a manager and an agent, and that’s why I’m here,” replied Joe Romatelli, a friend of the seniors who stopped by for a visit.”
5:31 – California officially bans talking on the cell phone while driving, which Jah is OK with. But he wonders about texting, because he can text, steer and keep his eyes on the road all at the same time, and is more than willing to document and show people how to do it. He claims it is easy, fun and safe. He was also complimented the other day on the speed of his texting.
13:02 – Average cost of a wedding in the USA tops out at around $30,000
51:17 – “Mim” is when people will overdub videos and everyone does them. Someone overdubbed the Hitler film “Downfall” with the Cowboys-Giants playoff game, which Jah found funny. Other mims include Planning a Trip to Birmingham, Explaining Second Life, Hillary’s Collapse, Being Banned From Xbox Live and Hitler Having His Car Stolen.
1:31 – Yahoo Health’s unhealthiest drink in America – Baskin Robbins’s Heath Bar shake (32 oz., 2,310 calories, 108 grams of fat, 266 grams of sugar – total of 73 separate ingredients). Jah: “If I wasn’t a vegan, I would definitely indulge in one of those right now.”
12:10 – National Retail Federation expects consumers to reduce spending on Father’s Day this year from $98.34 to $94.54. Seth brings up the fact that more collect calls are made on Father’s Day, originally mentioned in Episode 013, 41:21.
26:15 – Seth references the freeway service patrol where they will give you a free gallon of gas to get you off the freeway (originally mentioned in Episode 012, 50:05). Dude in Sacramento was pulled over on the freeway scamming people to get free gas. Same guy that helped him in the morning pulled over in the afternoon to catch him. In Venezuela, gas is 19 cents a gallon
28:30 – Washington-based religious group “Pray at the Pump” prays around gas stations to lower gas prices. They have led offshoots in San Francisco and Oakland, they believe the gas prices are the sign of the apocalypse. Since they have started gas has gone up 43 cents
6:58 – Top 10 most commonly used online passwords according to PC Magazine: 10) First name; 9) blink182; 8) password1; 9) myspace1; 6) monkey; 5) letmein; 4) abc123; 3) qwerty; 2) 123456; 1) password
9:03 – Friday June 20th is Take Your Dog to Work Day. 17% of Americans say their company is already dog-friendly. 5% of Americans are allergic to dogs
10:51 – The 100 thing challenge is an online blog that challenges people to downsize their lives to 100 items. “SHED it”: S – Separate the treasures, H – Heave the trash, E – Embrace your identity from within, D – Drive
16:30 – Lucky Charms is adding a new charm, an hourglass
35:38 – Study of lemon wedges placed in ice water at several east coast Applebee’s restaurants and Chili’s showed 1/3 of them contained bacteria including fecal matter and e coli
36:23 – Ritz Carlton – Miami Beach has a tanning butler. Started on the hotel’s opening day, Jan. 1, 2004. Dude makes $30/hour and roams around the pool area providing Evian mist spray, is armed with lotion holsters on his hip to spray and rub people down
38:34 – To celebrate IHOP’s 50th birthday this July, they will unveil 9 new pancakes this summer
52:22 – Guy that caught Ken Griffey Jr’s 600th HR was named “Joe.” He brought a glove to the games, got into the scrum, but brought in another baseball so when he was at the bottom of the pile he tossed it as a decoy and walked out with the real one
53:00 – Dude gets Jonathan Papelbon’s attention in the bullpen, hands him photographs – nude pictures of dude’s ex-wife. Entire bullpen signs a baseball for him to say thanks
3:36 – Colorado Lottery is offering $3 scented crosswood scratch-and-sniff tickets
5:36 – Michigan man wins $57 million through Mega Millions but is a registered sex offender. Co-worker gives interview to the Grand Rapids Press: “…I know some of his secrets and he knows some of mine. I’m not going any further.”
8:21 – New types of summer parties: Pumping Parties, where ladies get together for silicone injections in the butt; and Dipping Parties – teens who get on Facebook and get on Google Earth to find neighborhoods and meet at the pool
9:26 – Babyzone.com reveals the top 10 things kids put up their noses: 10) Beans and peas; 9) Small toys; 8) Cheerios; 7) Tissues; 6) Spaghetti; 5) Marbles; 4) Fingers; 3) French Fries; 2) Beads; 1) Crayons
13:05 – New rigout for girls this summer: jean shorts and moccasins
50:06 – Washington Nationals no longer allow men to take their shirts off at a ballgame, calling it “indecent exposure.”
55:17 – Mississippi-based Christian website delivers news from a Christian perspective and replaces any words in articles that they would deem offensive. Story about USA sprinter Tyson Gay gets filtered through the site replacing his last name with “homosexual” every mention
7:52 – The Wii beer pong game is now being called Pong Toss because it was unsuitable for children under 13, and there were a lot of complaints about it.
16:25 – There are 850,000 operational pay phones right now in the United States. Jah says he hasn’t laid eyes on one in six months. The last time he saw one, the dude’s mouth was so close to the receiver that Jah threw up on him.
24:56 – US Transportation Department and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration are going to use female dummies for the first time in their high speed crash tests. They will all be 4-foot-8 and 108 pounds
27:13 – Dennis Hoff’s world famous bunny ranch in Carson City Nevada, since 1955 the phone number is 1-775-246-FUCK. The slogan is “more bang for your buck.” You can take in your federal stimulus check and get double the amount of check toward your ranch pleasure party.
35:49 – “Green rage” is when people lose their patience with other people who are not eco-friendly and have poor eco habits
49:31 – The first YouTube video was called “Me at the zoo,” posted at 8:27 p.m. on Saturday, April 23, 2005. 18 seconds of Yaku Lipitzky at the San Diego Zoo. The first item sold on ebay was a broken laser pointer sometime in the fall of 1995 for $14.83 when the site was still known as AuctionWeb
53:58 – Douglas Monks, 57, of Florida, takes his computer in for repairs – except under “My Documents” there was a big file called “Preteen Gay Porn” with 4,000 images of 600 boys aged 5-13.
56:35 – Woman at NY Sports Club got an awful odor coming from the locker room, opened the door to the sauna and found a woman who had put two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese on the hot sauna rocks to make a post-workout sandwich. Woman’s response: “I do this all the time!”
2:23 – Emily Leatherman is being accused of stalking John Cusack and they’re having a preliminary case to determine her sanity. Seth thinks there’s no point b/c she’s already obviously insane to be stalking Cusack. If he refused to dance with her, she wrote “there would be dances with vampires.”
12:02 – For the second year in a row, the woman representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant tripped in her evening gown and fell. Seth thinks Miss Universe is a full Venezuelan tranny, but Jah thinks she’s beautiful
13:27 – The American Naturalist reported this past week on how orchids can mimick insects and trick insects into procreating with the orchid – “pseudocopulation.” The scientific glitch is that wasps are doing this and pulling it off to full climax – straight copulation. People are worried that the wasps are spilling their juices with the orchids and there won’t be enough for the female wasps. Jah: “It’s like orchid bukkake.” Seth thinks it will spawn a new breed of dyke wasps. Jah: “Plaid, flannel, Timberland orchids.”
24:40 – John McCain was on a campaign stop in Pittsburgh speaking, and told community members that while he was in a Vietnam POW camp he was supposed to list his platoon members by his torturers, but listed the Pittsburgh Steelers defensive line. Place goes crazy, except in his autobiography he said it was the Green Bay Packers. McCain’s people said it was a memory lapse
35:39 – 30-year-old teacher in Buffalo, Cara Dickey, sent provocative texts to 14-year-old student, brought him to a motel, gave him a cocktail of Bacardi and Nyquil, and wrote out a suicide pact for the two of them.
48:47 – Seth read about a kid who got hit by a foul ball at Wrigley Field last week, so he dipped in to the history of freak occurrences. Book called “Death At The Ballpark” claims that 300 people a year get hit (knocked out) by foul balls. A minor league base coach died last season. On the back of your ticket it says you assume all responsibility. In 1957, a guy for the Phillies hit a foul ball that hit the wife of the Philadelphia sports editor, and while she was on the stretcher he hit her again. Two years ago, the Orioles’ Jay Gibbons hit a foul that nailed his wife in the ribs
54:37 – 9-year-old girl in Indiana dials 911 when she hears her mother screaming, but the authorities arrived to find the parents boning down in the bedroom
56:47 – Playboy.com features the “Girls of Olive Garden.”
57:48 – NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg, king of verbal gaffes, references a trip to Salt Lake City, Idaho. He also talks about a favorite memory in 1981 was a Simon and Garfinkel concert in Central Park. He mentions bringing out Shinagua Twain and Tom McGraw at the CMA Awards. He also says former Yankees manager was named Joe Torres, and good ol’ Anthony Villarigosa.
2:59 – Gastrosexuals are single men who have taken up cooking to impress ladies
3:55 – Starbucks has had some cutbacks, shutting down 600 stores. On Starbucks.com you can see a list of all the stores that have closed. Girl being interviewed in NYC: “We’re devastated.”
7:09 – National Sleep Foundation reporting an alarming new development for our mothers – Caffeinated Moms. A mom’s responsibilities have increased so much that they’re forced to consume a lot of coffee and sodas to stay on their game, and they’re sleep deprived
13:45 – Matthew McConaughey to OK Magazine, talking about his child Levi’s birth: “We were jamming. We were sweating. We got tribal on it. We danced to it. I was DJing this Brazilian music. Having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing. I said ‘Come here little man.’ I saw the penis and I screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy.”
23:21 – J Dragon, a tattoo and body piercing shop in Chicago, has done it again. Last year a man got a tat there that said CHI-TONW. Now a man is suing the shop after getting a memorial tattoo for a late friend that was supposed to read TOMORROW NEVER PROMISED TODAY. Except the tattoo reads TOMMORROW. Artist claims he wrote it exactly as it was written on the slip of paper.
25:06 – A new domain extension is now available, .me, which has caused godaddy.com some problems. Nine different people claim to have bought the same one, aweso.me.
29:08 – A new service called slydial lets you connect with another person’s voicemail, bypassing the ringing process and eradicating the chance of them picking up on you. They receive a vm notification and a missed call. Call 267-SLYDIAL
38:34 – According to the CDC, the most unhealthy and obese states are found in the South. Mississippi is No. 1, preceded by 5) West Virginia, 4) Louisiana, 3) Tennessee, and 2) Alabama
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
6:48 – Johns Hopkins University researchers claim that rise in personal listening devices will cause 1 in 3 adults to suffer in recognizable degree in hearing loss. Could have a future generation of deaf people. Jah remembers everyone saying that about Walkmans when we were kids, and thinks that the physics of in-ear headphones allow people to listen to lower volumes, so this isn’t necessarily going to pan out
8:22 – Police in Lake Ozark area of Missouri busted a pregnant prostitution ring running out of a hotel this week
15:18 – Seth watches video of Criss Angel escaping from an imploding hotel in Clearwater, Fla., but also sees footage from the local Fox affiliate that spots a figure dressed the same exact way as Criss running out of the adjacent building and lying down in the rubble, then coming out at the same area where the show spots him
17:09 – Lifestyle Condoms has offered Miley Cyrus $1 million and a lifetime supply of condoms to get the word out on safe sex to American teens. She is 15 years old. Jah admits that he was certainly having intercourse at age 15.
19:47 – New scam going on where people say they find your lost dog. You get a phone call, saying they’re a delivery driver and they have a tight delivery schedule and found the dog, they’re four states away, and if they get a Western Union payment they will get the dog back to them by chartering a driver back to them
22:52 – Hot new fashion is eye jewelry, where people attach a string to their contact lens with jewelry on the end of it
26:27 – Google claims it’s now the most comprehensive search engine, now passing over 1 trillion URLs
34:59 – Breastfeeding is at its highest rate in 20 years. The new trend is crossnursing, where you not only breastfeed your own child but your neighbor’s child too
37:22 – Harvard researchers claim that eating even a half-serving a day of soy-based foods could significantly lower a man’s sperm count. Jah says he can attest to the change in male ejaculate when one has turned vegan. He claims it gets much thinner and also doesn’t taste as bleachy. Seth wants to know how he attests to the second. Jah: “None of your biz dude.” Seth: “None of your jizz.”
3:13 – Seth reads some crazy 911 calls from around the country: Guy in Jacksonville calls about a situation at Subway, he ordered 2 sandwiches and didn’t get what he paid for, then they locked him outside the store and he said he wouldn’t leave until they took care of it … Another one has a person in a drive-thru saying he wanted a Western BBQ Burger and isn’t leaving until he gets one, and the people are inside mopping the floors … Another person calls to be connected to Domino’s Pizza (Episode 001, 23:05).
7:34 – 25-year-old man pulled over in Minneapolis going 80 mph in a 25 mph zone, also going the wrong way on a one-way. After police pulled him over he said “Oh, sorry, I was texting.”
10:24 – Some high schools this year are going to be charging $5 just to get a locker
12:23 – US Airways will now charge $1 for coffee and $2 for all sodas on their flights. Jet Blue now charges $7 for blankets which you keep.
15:58 – November 2008 will see the last print issue of Playgirl
19:19 – Christopher Emmott, before his death by lethal injection, had this to say to Virginia governor Tim Cain, who declined to give him a stay of execution: “Tell the governor he just lost my vote.”
22:07 – Google employee proposes to his fiancé using Google streetmaps, with the street view camera that went outside his Mountain View offices. He refers to this as “Proposal 2.0”
25:32 – Portland Cinemagic theater was taking down the marquee for Hancock this week, and putting up the marquee for Dark Knight. Someone took a picture of it during this transition and it read THE DARK COCK
29:27 – Hot new trend for moms – pregorexia – moms want to stay healthy while they’re pregnant and stop eating, gain as little weight as possible.
32:28 – A commercial was being shot on the set of the Price Is Right for a video game version, with Plinko preset to hit $10,000. They forget to reset the game, and a female contestant hits $10,000 three times in a row before they figure it out and reset it
48:20 – National crime bureau releases the top cars stolen for 2007, the top 4 were the same as 2006: 5) 1994 Chevy pickup, 4) 1997 Ford F-150, 3) 1989 Toyota Camry, 2) 1991 Honda Accord, 1) 1995 Honda Civic
7:31 – Chicago police officer Barbara Nevins was fired for demanding free Starbucks coffee at 5 different locations. When she was denied she pulled out her badge and began waving her gun around
8:27 – Roman Catholic Archdioces of Cincinnati has issued all priests a list of things not to do as far as interactions with male alter boys: no kissing, tickling, wrestling, bear hugs, etc.
10:50 – PETA is asking to rent space on the country’s US-Mexico border fence, so they can put up signs that read IF THE BORDER PATROL DOESN’T GET YOU, THE CHICKEN AND BURGERS WILL. GO VEGAN.
13:40 – Matthew McConaughey has kept the placenta from his son’s birth and plans to plant it in an orchard: “I hope it will fertilize the land. It’s going to bear wonderful fruit.”
21:08 – Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have been working on a new pill called CP154526 which stops all the euphoric effects of alcohol but will not prevent the sloppiness or the hangover. Jah: “You guys made it backwards.”
39:53 – Deputy in Dewitt County, TX, filmed with his dash cam the year’s first sighting of the Chupacabra, the Latin American Bigfoot, which attacks and drinks the blood of goats
40:30 – Blender magazine asked presidential candidates top 10 songs of all time. Obama’s #1 was “Ready Or Not” by the Fugees, and #6 was “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West. McCain’s #1 song was “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, and #3 was “Take A Chance On Me” by ABBA
51:55 – Ernest Borgnine, 91, was on Fox & Friends this morning, and was asked “How do you look so good?” Borgnine first says “I dare not tell you,” then tries to whisper to one of the hosts, “I masturbate a lot,” except the microphones pick up everything he says
7:55 – Coming to King’s Island in April 2009 is the Diamondback, a hypercoaster with open-air stadium style seating, where everyone is in the front. It’s being referred to as “3 minutes of sheer terror.” Seth reveals that he’s never been on a roller coaster in his life
18:43 – In Michigan, because technically a dead body is not a person, it is not protected under any nursing home patient abuse laws. 3 women will not face jail time after cell phone photos were discovered of them hanging out with a dead 80-something-year-old woman
26:17 – Arizona’s mental hospitals have been told to eliminate all smoking for their patients
31:19 – The 99 cents store is finally making select items cost over 99 cents. Jah admits he was just there when he went to dress up as the raver for Halloween
35:41 – For people who think Google is too white, there’s Rushmore Drive – search engine that targets the black community. In Google, the first thing that comes up when you search “Whitney” is the Whitney Museum in Virginia. On Rushmore Drive it’s Whitney Houston. Boo yah. Jah informs us that there’s also a “Blackle” search engine for eco-friendly people, which has a black background which requires much less energy to produce the screen image
39:49 – The federal government began a pilot program on Aug. 5 in five cities (San Diego, Chicago, Charlotte, Phoenix and Santa Ana) that allows illegal immigrants to voluntarily turn themselves in. In exchange, they are allowed 90 days to leave the country so they don’t have to risk arrest or sudden deportation. In those 5 cities there are 5,000 illegal aliens, and 6 people have turned themselves in. Government is not ready to say whether the program is a success or not
42:09 – Bobby Guffey always plays the same combination of lottery numbers every week. He goes to buy his ticket this week and forgets his bifocals, then realizes he punched in the wrong number. He goes back to get the correct number of his son’s birthday, then the incorrect one actually wins him $3 million in the Indiana Lottery ($1.2 million after taxes).
48:28 – Ian Zeiring quote: “Steve Sanders lives in our hearts and in our minds. But I don’t think I want to do this show. I think it might be a step backwards.”
51:22 – 20-year-old girl in Ohio boned down on a 15-year-old and she became pregnant. She’s now 21, he’s now 16. The girl is on trial for unlawful sexual contact with a minor, faces 2 years in prison and registering as a sex offender. Another court has ordered him to pay $50 a month for child support
2:53 – Superintendents in Butler County have voted not to allow high school cheerleaders to wear their uniforms to school on Fridays
5:55 – John McCain at a fundraiser speech in Phoenix, surrounded by teenagers, brings a special friend to perform. His name? Daddy Yankee.
7:21 – The USPS will lose around $2 billion this year, and could lose at least that much next year
16:16 – Boyfriend jeans is the new trend – girls wearing their boyfriends’ jeans. Jah is down with it, Seth is not
17:17 – Jah reads an excerpt from the autobiography of Matthew McConaughey’s mother, Kay McConaughey, talking about her husband’s death: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong because I didn’t hear anything from him, just nothing. But it was just the best way to go.” And talking about him being taken out to the ambulance naked: “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey and his gift.”
20:31 – Seth was reading about how the largest land predators, polar bears, and the largest sea predators, sharks, are being affected by global warming and forced out of their natural environments. Eventually we’re ramping up for the two animals to go full deathmatch on small patches of ice in the arctic. Jah thinks the shark would win because the polar bear would have no grabability out at sea. Seth thinks the polar bear would win because he would latch onto the ice and club the shark
31:23 – Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani had a new baby boy who joins 2-year-old Kingston. His name is Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.
33:29 – Google has canceled free dinners for all employees (breakfast and lunch still free). Executive chef Joseph Desimone was stolen away by Facebook. The Mountain View HQ offers estimated $72 million per year in free food. New employees of Google put on the “Google 15” because of all the restaurants. Jah and Amir were supposed to do a gig there and would have gotten paid super well, but it fell through
35:28 – Ventura County man has now rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks
51:15 – Darryl Hanna being interviewed by Fox News outside the DNC: “I’m not going to the convention at all. I refuse to go into a building that’s named after a beverage that causes obesity and diabetes.”
52:50 – In Bellville, Michigan, Fred Homes had saved up thousands of dollars over the past year, planning to surprise his family with a trip to Disney World. In order to hide the money, he took a DVD copy of Sin City and hid it underneath the chapter booklet. His wife had a garage sale and sold Sin City with two other movies for $10. Jah says that if they were a huge show they could get that money back and send it to him. Jah predicts the other 2 DVDs were Click and Gone In 60 Seconds
55:27 – Trend popping up of parents going in and airbrushing the school photos of their children for maximum exposure
3:17 – Football widows: women whose husbands are completely out of pocket because of football season and fantasy leagues, etc.
7:29 – Starbucks is now offering oatmeal for $2.45. Jah is totally down with it and wonders if he can get it with soy milk. Howard Schultz said that the smell of the oatmeal will not overpower the smell of the coffee, although Jah says they still haven’t dealt with the smells resulting from the cleaning solutions used on the panini makers they tried
8:53 – A panel of doctors for the American Academy of Otolaryngology and Head & Neck Surgery Foundation released new guidelines for ear care. Earwax serves as a protective lubricator and has antibacterial properties. Resist the urge to use Q-Tips because they push the cerumen (secretion, hair and dead skin) deeper and into more dangerous areas of the ear canal. Seth has thrown his Q-Tips out as a result of this
10:47 – Original iPhones are selling for more than the 3G versions because they’re easier to unlock and hack, making them easier to convert to other cellular carriers or connect to open wireless networks
11:54 – Accuweather.com now has the frizz index, which lets you know the dramatic effect the weather could have on your hair
23:14 – California prisons are preparing for an onslaught of gay weddings at the 33 state-run facilities. Inmates cannot marry fellow inmates of the same prison, a rule that was made because officials are concerned that an inmate could discover information that another inmate has a lot of property/assets on the outside, then force him to marry him and gain equal access to the assets
26:21 – In Niagara Falls, N.Y., 52-year-old James Curtis was charged with aggravated harassment after posting a sign in the Public Works office that said WHITES ONLY above a drinking fountain. When questioned about it, he said it was not racial.
30:42 – 6-year-old girl playing hide and go seek with her grandma, comes out of the bushes with a “doll,” which turns out to be a live baby with an umbilical cord still attached. They brought the baby to the hospital totally safe and sound
35:48 – A 12,000-member kids’ sports league in Indiana has banned the use of first names and/or nicknames on all boys or girls team jerseys to protect children from potential sexual predators
39:56 – The Frisky, a women’s dating/lifestyle website, posed the question “What would you do if you had a penis for a day?” Some of the answers: I’d slap it on counters and stuff. … I would totally get it hard and beep a horn with it. … Poke it in holes. … I would probably have sex with various holes, like a donut. … Seriously, I wanna see what the big deal is. … I hope it feels like heaven. … I’d check out this whole urinal thing. … Do I get balls too? … Seriously, I don’t think I’d be able to stop touching it. … I would write my name in pee. … I would pee on people’s heads from a roof. … I would draw eyes on the tip and make the peephole talk. … I would masturbate – a lot. Jah: “Those are some awesome answers.” Jah claims he’s done most of the answers on this list, except for peeing on people’s heads from a roof. He’s also done the “girl tuck” and the “turtle shell,” where you put everything underneath the scrotum. Seth thinks that kind of stuff is gross
48:01 – Illinois school superintendent Herschel Hanna proposed a plan to disallow students from attending senior prom unless they kept their grades up. “You’re not in school to drop it like it’s hot.”
49:26 – Jah recaps the dude who exposed himself three times to 7 drive-through Java Girls baristas (Episode 129, 3:45). He has finally been caught, and said “Once you start it’s hard to stop.”
51:05 – New studies from Stanford’s Human Interaction Lab indicate that in the virtual world, the younger, fitter and more attractive you are, the better you’ll fare
51:44 – Australian company Village Road Show will unveil 3 upscale movie theaters in 2009 called Gold Class Cinemas, including online seating reservations, valet parking, in-theater food and beverage. It only costs $35 per ticket, not including the exquisite food menu that has duck tacos, Kobe beef burgers and crème brulee on it.
55:18 – A new website, ParentConnect.com posts all of kids’ grades, attendance, teacher comments, upcoming assignments, tests, etc. This infuriates Seth.
3:04 – New ecological threat: Global dimming – a marked decrease in the amount of sunlight that reaches the earth’s surface. Jah thinks it’s because so many people are tanning. For Jah’s birthday Seth got him 5 sessions at Ibiza Tan on Fairfax. Jah has 2 remaining tans
4:53 – Naming rights for new football stadium for NY Giants and NY Jets may go to a German insurance company called Allianz that worked with the Nazis in WWII. They denied insurance for any of the Jews or their family members who died at Auschwitz death camp.
6:07 – Neighbors complaining about a house on a street in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which features a black doll hanging from a cross in their yard. The owner says it is not racist but sentimental. The owner’s dog’s name is also Hitler.
12:12 – Col. Sanders’ original handwritten recipe of 11 herbs and spices was removed from KFC’s corporate offices for the first time in several decades, allowing KFC to revamp the security that surrounds the company’s biggest secret
15:04 – Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter (Bristol), has some interesting quotes on his Myspace page: I’m a fuckin redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirtbikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys. Do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin chillin.’ You fuck with me, I’ll kick ass. I don’t want kids.
17:28 – New food items at the Texas State Fair: chicken fried bacon and deep fried jelly beans
21:51 – Growing danger on American roads is stunting – people doing tricks on motorcycles, videotaping and putting them on YouTube.
26:03 – American parents are facing a common problem of babysitters who spend more time texting than watching their kids
29:01 – Retired gay porn star Kurt Wild was fired from his job at Subway after a customer who recognized him complained and threatened a boycott of the store if he wasn’t fired
33:33 – The Association of Professional Flight Attendants, which represents 19,000 American Airlines flight attendants, wants the airline to install software that prevents passengers from surfing porn on their handheld internet devices in the backs of chairs
39:22 – In Rockland, Calif., 34-year-old Keith Fonte was arrested after walking up to two different groups of men completely nude and asking if they wanted to play. One group booked it and the other group called the authorities. He was later identified by another group that had seen him do it on another day
40:27 – Walter Freeman, a 72-year-old sex offender, left a courthouse and was rearrested 30 minutes later standing next to an ice cream truck offering to buy two young boys an ice cream
48:35 – As fuel prices are rising many schools are limiting school bus routes, and now they have “walking school buses” where kids walk together in a long line to school. Seth is pissed about this and compares it to when people would call airport taxis “limousines.”
50:59 – The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety is attempting to raise the minimum age to have a driver’s license to 18 years old
52:24 – New battle for American parents – superlice. Lice that have developed a full immunity to all currently used insecticides
56:18 – Brad Garrett, former star of Everybody Loves Raymond, had a prostate exam live on national television for the Step Up to Cancer fund
58:01 – A 22-year-old graduate student at Sacramento State is auctioning off her virginity, teaming up with Dennis Hoff of the Bunny Ranch to sell herself to the highest bidder. She wants someone who is intelligent and tender. She is paying for her master’s in marriage and family therapy
1:01:09 – A robber in a wheelchair armed with a bat and a knife rolled into a Dallas 7-11, beat the register with the bat until it opened. He took no cash, instead he pocketed a box of condoms and an energy drink.
4:21 – Reporter from the Rocky Mountain News was following a story about a 3-year-old boy who was killed in a Baskin Robbins when a truck inadvertently drove into the store. The reporter has supplemented his coverage of the story by tweeting the funeral using Twitter. As he was tweeting he was saying “people are sobbing,” “procession begins,” “people gather at graveside,” etc.
21:20 – In Green Bay, Wis., a 33-year-old woman is accused of stealing her daughter’s identity and then going to high school and trying out for the cheerleading team. She says she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life that she had missed.
24:38 – Hot new trend for upcoming Christmas season is people wrapping gifts with actual sheets of dollar bills
41:42 – Chevrolet is getting hit hard financially and is now scaling back production of the Corvette. Jah’s favorite model year is a 1977, scratch that, a 1973 Stingray.
43:03 – NBC has sold 85% of their Super Bowl ads for 2009
44:35 – 18-to-24-year-olds are more interested in looking at Myspace and Facebook than they are porn sites. Porn use is down for the first time in 10 years
45:06 – Totspot, Lilgrams and Kidmondo are 3 names of social networking sites for infants/toddlers
47:46 – Attorney generals from 25 different states have asked Miller/Coors to ban their new version of Sparks, Sparks Red, which will have the highest volume of alcohol yet
49:08 – Teenage girls across the U.S. wear sweatpants/shorts with writing across the butt. Some girls have started putting their boyfriends’ names put across the shorts (JAH’S ASS). A school district in Texas is issuing denim inmate prison jumpsuits for any girl who wears those to school
56:25 – Researchers have studied the data, ratings and top lists of the hotornot.com website. They found that all men, no matter where they are rated in the scheme, believe they have a chance with the most highly rated attractive women on the site
58:02 – Four firefighters from San Diego are suing the city for being forced to drive their truck in a 3-hour gay pride parade. The mandatory participation was ordered by their lesbian fire chief. The crowd gave them numerous cat calls and harassment, etc.
1:02 – Parents enrolling kids 4-10 years old in child health clubs featuring tiny-sized equipment and classes for kids
2:55 – The Lighthouse Mission at the True North Community Church in Long Island received an anonymous winning lottery ticket this week worth $3 million. Church cannot accept the gift, however, because they counsel gamblers and this would be in contrast to their mission
5:49 – New study finds that the average automobile contains almost 400 kinds of different bacteria. Turning on the car’s heat will incubate and send potent fungi and germs around the automobile
6:42 – A teen girl in Dallas was forbidden from wearing a rosary around her neck because she was told it was a gang symbol
9:05 – Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend Casey videotaped Jamie Lynn breastfeeding her baby in a Louisiana Wal-Mart, her breasts were exposed, someone got copies of the photos, and local police have begun a child pornography investigation because she’s 17 years old
11:07 – Gov. Schwarzenegger has signed a bill in California starting Jan. 1, 2009, that says you can no longer text while driving
13:00 – Clay Aiken is allegedly a new father and a new homosexual
21:43 – This past Monday saw the premier of Logo’s six-episode docusoap, Shirts & Skins, which follows the gay basketball team, The Rockdogs, who live in a converted firehouse
33:01 – PETA is petitioning Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream in Vermont to replace cow’s milk in their ice cream with breast milk. Jah comes up with a couple flavors to fit this theme: Mama’s Marzapan and Big Mama Cass’ Caramel Tittie Crunch.
34:33 – The iPhone 3G power adapter may cause electric shock
36:18 – Kirk Cameron plays a firefighter in the new movie Fireproof, about a married couple rediscovering their love of their faith and each other. Since Kirk refuses to kiss any other woman beside his wife, the filmmakers had to dress his wife up to look like the female lead and they shot a scene of them kissing in a dark silhouette scene to splice that into the movie
54:54 – The Des Moines Area Community College is apologizing for a typo that appeared in their school calendars that were passed out this week to more than 10,000 students. A calendar entry for Feb. 16, 2009, salutes Black History Month with a “Lynch and Learn.”
0:45 – Jay-Z is introducing a new fragrance: 91X Rocawear
4:56 – Jah updates his complaint about the eco Starbucks cups that had ill-fitting lids. The new lids are now in at Starbucks, and are much thicker. The perforation where the straw goes in is super-sharp, which doesn’t allow the green straws to go through without being punctured. Jah put his whole fist through the lid the other day. Seth: “You fisted a venti coffee.”
6:50 – Starbucks release piadinis – sausage, egg, cheddar and portabello mushroom with spinach and feta cheese - $3.25. Piadini is Italian flatbread that is square-shaped, chewy and soft
12:16 – Phillip Seton, 61, of Louisville, Ky., went in to get a circumcision, but the doctor found cancerous cells in the penile area and removed the man’s entire penis. In West Virginia last week, a man’s ass was stapled shut and he couldn’t take a dump for 17 days. He’s suing his doctor
19:33 – Chris Martin of Coldplay: “I have nothing but respect for Nickelback. They take a lot of flak from people who have never done fuck-all in their life. And I think they’re great. And that’s my final word.”
23:21 – Ave Maria University in Naples, Fla., is the first Roman Catholic university established in the U.S. in 40 years, founded by the founder of Domino’s Pizza. They recently canned the school’s basketball coach for using profanity during a scrimmage.
24:46 – Comedian Sandra Bernhardt was cut as the headliner from an annual benefit for Boston’s women’s shelter, because during a recent standup performance she claimed that Sarah Palin would get “gangraped by big black brothers” if she ever visited New York City
28:32 – Ed MacMahon is going to star in online rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com. Seth states that we are now in a Rappin’ Granny Renaissance
29:47 – The National Federation of the Blind is protesting the new movie Blindness, saying it reinforces negative stereotypes about blind people. Jah says the thing he hates the most about blind people is that they always protest stuff
33:11 – Black Dog Syndrome – black dogs are the last dogs to be adopted and they can’t find enough homes for black dogs. (Jah has 2 black rescued dogs) Jah says this is because the dog’s eyes blend in with their fur and buyers can’t get a read on the animal and feel like they can’t trust or connect with the dogs. This is spot-on to Seth’s research about it.
36:28 – Oregon Public Schools have almost systematically eliminated all dodgeball and kickball from all gym classes. They have replaced them with cup stacking or geochaching – mini treasure hunt that relies on the knowledge of navigation tools
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
44:46 – Larry Flynt just shot a porn using a Sarah Palin look-alike. He put out a Craig’s List ad and offered $3,000 for the shoot. Seth asks Jah to think of the title of the movie and Jonathan basically gets it right on the money: “Nailin’ Palin.”
45:34 – Jah says companies are now giving employees Lovesick Days – paid time after a breakup
46:25 – Bruce Springsteen will be playing at halftime of this year’s Super Bowl
49:01 – Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were seen shopping for wedding rings at a Zales in Dallas
53:24 – UNLV has a new class for students called Nightclub Management – where your final project is throwing a jam at a night club and your professor gives you a grade on how good your party is
0:36 – Seth learns from the TV that Bud Light has “Drinkability.”
1:15 – More people are eating meals at home and the sudden rush has seen a jump in cookbook sales and people watching cooking TV shows
1:56 – Campbell’s Soup is doing fantastic right now, stock is rising
6:32 – It’s rumored there might be a fifth Indiana Jones
9:22 – Gmail has a new feature called “Mail Goggles” which keeps you from sending drunk e-mails. Before hitting send you must answer 5 math questions, and you can change the difficulty of the questions beforehand
14:26 – Seth ponders the validity of American Apparel being listed as the largest clothing manufacturer in the U.S., as listed in Wikipedia
16:34 – Nevada authorities have seized the records of a group called ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), a group that works to register low-income people to vote. The entire starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys was registered to vote online in Nevada among a slew of other forged names and addresses
17:50 – The Neiman Marcus 2008 Christmas catalog that allows elaborate gifts for the wealthy – you can have Jack Nicklaus design a golf course for you for $1 million, have an artist do lifesize statues of you made out of Legos or buy the Cowboys’ end zone for $500,000 and have it stuck in your backyard
24:51 – Chicago Public Schools will open a new high school next year specifically geared for the LGBT community
28:05 – In the wake of Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli, Seth and Jah joke about the fact that it was really Seth Romatelli in the fight
35:16 – Levis is changing the design of its Dockers, which has always been an unaltered design. A trend toward a slimmer look will change that pleated “big butt” look. Seth says that 9 out of 10 American males ages 18-39 has a pair of Dockers in his closet
38:04 – Since June 17, more gay couples were married in California than in the four years since it’s been legal in Massachusetts
1:31 – Nebraska has a safe haven law that allows children to be dropped off outside of any state licensed hospital without penalty. The law states that a child of any age can be dropped off. This week a mother in Michigan drove 12 hours to Omaha and dropped off her 13-year-old son
14:14 – Virgin Galactic out of Las Cruces, N.M. will open in 2010 and charge $200,000 for a person to experience zero gravity in outer space for two hours. They just turned down a $1 million offer from a company that wanted to shoot the first space porn. Seth ponders if anyone has had sex in zero gravity
15:39 – A study will be presented next week at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting, that when performing CPR, the perfect rhythm is 100 compressions per minute – or the 1970s hit “Stayin’ Alive” by the Beegees, which is 103 bpm
16:47 – 1200 sex offenders in Maryland have begun receiving paper signs in their mail that read NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE over a pumpkin on the sign. They must turn off all their lights and post this sign on their door or they face parole violation
21:24 – A trail of emotional damage is being left by American women’s flirtation with same-sex affairs – fauxmosexuals. They’re causing damage to true lesbians, who will be left with the damage once the fad goes out of style. Celesbians, celebrity lesbians, are contributing to the mass paranoia
23:55 – A study in the Journal of Fish Biology has scientists confirming the second case of a virgin birth in a shark. DNA testing showed there was no genetic material from a male nor any male sharks at the aquarium
27:50 – Researchers at Rutgers University did a study on freshmen college girls. The “Freshman 15” is a myth – it’s actually the “Freshman 7”
31:18 – Connecticut legalizes gay marriage
33:46 – Phish announces they’re getting back together with reunion shows March 6-8
54:51 – Companies are stealing photos off of people’s Flickr pages and using them in ads and print jobs
2:47 – John McCain during a rally in N.H.: “…rates were cunt in the Bush years.”
4:42 – Quote from David Sedaris: “I look at these people and I can’t quite believe they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and eventually parks it beside my seat. ‘Can I interest you in the chicken,’ she asks, ‘Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?’ To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask, ‘How is the chicken cooked?’”
16:29 – McCain’s campaign has used quite a few songs during rallies and speeches, and several artists have written letters because the songs have been used without permission: Bon Jovi’s “Who Says You Can’t Go Home”; Jackson Browne’s “Runnin’ On Empty” ; Foo Fighters “My Hero”; Van Halen “Right Now”; John Mellencamp “Pink Houses”; and Heart “Barracuda.”
20:29 – Miller Coors LLC has announced they will discontinue production of the original alco-pop, Zima. They claim there is enough to last through Christmas of 2008. It was released in 1993 in the “Clear Craze” of Crystal Clear Pepsi and Tab Clear. Reached its peak in 1994, and in 1995 they debuted Zima Gold for men
23:08 – New trend – STDE-cards, e-cards that inform people you’ve recently tested positive for an STD, and warning the recipients to get tested
25:27 – Seth warns us that there’s been sightings in the Chicago area of a man dressed as a clown trying to talk to children. Clowns don’t bother Jah like they do most people
31:12 – Barack Obama tells people in Philly that although he’s a White Sox fan he’ll root for the Phillies now that the Sox lost. In Tampa, Obama says he’s showing love to the Rays. Seth says he takes that sports team reference stuff seriously
33:14 – WMVN 101.1 FM in St. Louis switched to an all-Christmas format through the rest of the year beginning last week (mid-October)
38:10 – The Nebraska governor and lawmakers finally narrowed the broad law of abandoning children – it now only applies to babies up to 3 days old
38:57 – Gmail has canned responses that saves text and lets you send e-mails with predetermined content
45:28 – In an effort to get people to stop eating fish, PETA has called a new publicity campaign calling fish “sea kittens.”
50:17 – The city of Peabody, Mass., issued a new contract for the Peabody Police Department, giving holiday pay for any officer who works on September 11
56:16 – Clint Malarchuk – former NHL goalie best known for having jugular vein slashed by a skate and almost killed in a 1989 hockey game, is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the face with a rifle
5:54 – Nebraska has agreed to change their safe haven law for kids to be dropped off, but changing the law takes time. Before the law gets changed, two more teens have been dropped off. A mother drove 16 hours from Georgia to drop off her 12-year-old, and a 15-year-old Nebraska girl was left as well. There was also a father who dropped off nine children.
11:11 – A 56-year-old woman in Ohio had triplets this week. Because of complications, she had them by C-section. The embryos were implanted into her uterus by en vitro fertilization. Those embryos belong to her daughter and son-in-law, so she had her own grandchildren
15:17 – In these oh-so tough economic times, there’s been a sharp rise in sperm donations by men and egg donations by women. Ads have come out saying DON’T WASTE YOUR SPERM. DONATE NOW.
19:02 – Sarah Palin in Erie, PA: “I am thrilled to be here in the home state of the world champion Philadelphia Phillies.” She was then booed by the entire audience because Erie is in Western Pennsylvania, where the Pirates are king.
23:23 – A study published in the Journal of Science said that people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. People holding a cup of iced coffee had the complete opposite effect.
24:12 – A Denton TX man was arrested in a large department store for stealing a tube of male enhancement cream/numbing agent. He was followed into a bathroom stall, where he applied the cream. He then walked into the toy section of the store and pulled out his penis in front of a girl who was by the Barbie dolls.
29:02 – Beverly Hills Chihuahua, now in its fourth week of release, has made more money than the Ed Norton/Colin Farrell movie “Pride and Glory”
30:54 – Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting on Extra, and got mad at the interviewer when he started laughing at him
41:32 – Pepsi’s new 20-oz plastic bottles have new extra wrinkly plastic and a reconfigured logo to look more like the Obama logo, and Mountain Dew is just called mtn dew on the bottle
48:37 – Up for sale on eBay is “Lucky rain” collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia in a pan on a man’s front porch, on the night of their World Series-clinching win. You can buy it now for $8.99.
51:01 – John McCain’s brother, Joe, called 911 the other day on his way home, saying this: “Do you know why on one side, at the damn drawbridge at 95, traffic is stopped for 15 minutes, and yet traffic is coming the other way?” Operator: “Sir, are you calling to complain about traffic?” Joe McCain: “Fuck you.”
8:04 – Courtenay Semel, former Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel’s daughter, had an altercation with a security guard at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. When the guard tried to detain her she said, “Do you even know who I am? Google me, you dumb fuck!”
10:34 – Miami had its first murder-free month (October 2008) in over 42 years
16:34 – A family in Minnesota took their 7-year-old son (ghoulish skateboarder) and 9-year-old daughter (witch) trick-or-treating. They got home and the kids were dumping out their candy, and they found a brown paper bag with $85 in cash and 2.2 grams of meth in the boy’s bag
19:05 – Every 18 seconds an elderly person 65 or older ends up in an emergency room because of a fall. Every 35 minutes, an elderly person 65 or older dies from complications from a fall
21:57 – Don Doan, 62, a church deacon, bowled for the same team in the Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna, Michigan, for 32 years. Minutes after bowling his first perfect game of his life, during his enthusiastic high-fiving of his teammates, he died of a heart attack.
40:24 – The color for 2009 is mimosa, according to Seth
43:38 – Newark, N.J. mayor Corey Booker: “I want to celebrate all of America: its richness, its diversity, its deliciousness. I want to luxuriate the racial deliciousness of our country.”
44:38 – Seth and Jah bring up New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin’s crazy 2006 quote about how to make a “Chocolate City.” (Episode 016, 7:25)
45:30 – A 15-year-old girl was dropped off at an Omaha, Nebraska hospital this week, bringing the total number of kids dropped off to 27.
4:59 – The University of Oxford has released the 10 most irritating expressions in the English language: 10) It’s not rocket science; 9) 24/7; 8) Shouldn’tve; 7) It’s a nightmare; 6) Absolutely (Seth says this is kind of like when Jah says “Smokin!”; 5) With all due respect (Jah: “Shneer, with all due respect…”); 4) At this moment in time; 3) I personally; 2) Fairly unique; 1) At the end of the day
12:31 – Michael Jackson signed over control of the Neverland Ranch to some sort of holdings company, LLC. Over the years, thousands and thousands of kids have visted the ranch. Jackson: “Once you come in the gates, the outside world does not exist.”
13:57 – Texas Longhorns center Buck Burnette was dropped from his team for posting the following quote on his Facebook page: ALL THE HUNTERS GATHER UP. WE HAVE A NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
14:51 – The Sapulpa Daily Herald (Okla.) did not report anywhere in the paper that Barack Obama had been elected the day after the November election. It did, however, have a paragraph mentioning that everyone in the county voted for McCain
16:17 – A female from Oklahoma was brought down to Louisiana for a KKK rally, and when she said she didn’t want to be there anymore they killed her and dumped the body
18:24 – Secret Service code names for the presidential family-elect: Barack Obama – Renegade; Michelle Obama – Renaissance; Sasha Obama – Rosebud; Malia Obama – Radiance; Joe Biden – Celtic; Jill Biden – Capri
22:29 – Lindsay Lohan to Access Hollywood this week: “It’s an amazing feeling. It’s our, you know, first … “colored” president.”
23:30 – Hewlett Packard has pulled their new ad campaign for the Touchsmart computer because it uses the song “Do You Want To Touch Me?”, a song performed by Joan Jett but written by Gary Glitter, who served two years in a Vietnamese prison for touching boys
24:40 – Toyota has been using Fixx’s “Saved By Zero” in its commercials, which is getting hammered all over the blogosphere, etc.
32:30 – Nebraska has seen its 30th child left by a parent – a 17-year-old boy. An 18-year-old girl was also dropped off, but because of her age she was placed in a homeless shelter
45:46 – Journal of Applied Animal Behavior Science reports that female koala bears in captivity repeatedly turn away male koala bear suitors to engage in huge lesbian orgies. The rates are five times greater than those that occur in the wild
48:25 – Anthony Michaels is suing Classmates.com, founded in 1995, for fraud, because the website told him that former school pals were trying to contact him. He paid an extra $15 to upgrade to the gold membership, only to find that no one was trying to contact him. The website lied to him.
50:32 – Another casualty of the economic crisis is downsized office Christmas parties, because companies either don’t have money or are pretending not to have money – cheaper locations, less catering, no open bar, etc.
51:57 – The Texas Attorney General has filed a lawsuit against Darque Tan because they claim their tanning beds help fight cancer b/c the beds use Vitamin D which decrease cancer risks
54:36 – There’s a gun run going on in this country across many southern states. Gun buyers are stocking up on assault rifles and handguns, and sales are the highest they’ve ever been since 9/11. Many are worried that Obama will impose a ban on these guns like Clinton did before Bush. Many people have told stores they are preparing to defend themselves in preparation of a race war
11:23 – Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, weighed in on the California gay marriage issue: “God came to earth and saw people just sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever and just cleared it all out. He was like, ‘Enough!’”
23:02 – Nebraska lawmakers have given preliminary approval to a new 30-day age limit for children to be legally abandoned under the state’s safe haven law, bringing the total tally to 34 kids total
32:47 – TiVo and Domino’s have launched a new service this week – TiVo’ing your pizza order and then half an hour later hearing your doorbell ring
37:38 – Huntington, W. Va., is America’s fattest and unhealthiest city. It also holds the title of worst dental hygience, with half of the citizens over 65 having already lost their teeth. The healthiest city in America is Burlington, VT
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
43:40 – 38-year-old Robert Melia Jr., a cop in Moorestown, N.J., was suspended from the force after being charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Police turned up several homemade porn tapes of Robert in various sex acts with cows
46:09 – A suburban Philadelphia landlord secretly videotaped 34 female tenants over the course of two decades. Thomas Daley had installed cameras in seven apartments that he rented to women and their female roommates
49:53 – Patricia Villamarin has been paid $15 per hour to take care of kids in the Hancock Park and Larchmont areas of Los Angeles ; however she was dumping them in an unlicensed daycare in a Hollywood apartment for $5 a kid, pocketing $10 an hour and driving down to Chinatown to work her 9-5 job of selling produce. Some of the parents got wise to what was going on and the nanny got busted
1:00 – A mailman in N.C., 58-year-old Steven Padgett, was given probation this week in federal court after having been found out that he had hid seven years worth of junk mail in his home instead of delivering it. He felt overwhelmed by the mail and hid it in and around his house, in his garage and even buried some. Not one customer complained to the USPS in seven years. Seth claims that junk mail is the only thing keeping the USPS alive
9:54 – The National Sleep Foundation found that the typical American gets 6 hours and 40 minutes of sleep each night. Nielsen reports that US television use is at an all-time high – being on at the house an average of 8 hours and 18 minutes per day
12:16 – This Friday, Dec. 5, will mark the 75th anniversary of the end of Prohibition. To celebrate this, Jonathan says he is going to watch The Untouchables.
13:17 – In order to calm his nerves and not put too much pressure on himself, Paul McCartney has given himself an alter-ego while recording his upcoming album, Electric Arguments. He now goes up to the mic as “Gladys Jenkins.”
15:34 – New Orleans has been awarded the most crime-ridden city in the United States
16:20 – According to the Journal of Biological Psychology, brain scans of teens with a history of bullying suggest they get pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain. Areas of the brain linked to reward became active when bullying
18:36 – There’s a guy who appears in the book “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” from the website, and is now suing because he is suffering a lot of public shame and humiliation because he has been labeled as such
21:32 – A man died of a heart attack inside The Pussycat Theater (a gay movie theater) and in the obit it said he was survived by his wife and three children
28:50 – A Swedish hip-hop artist and songwriter has been arrested for a road rage confrontation on a Hollywood street that left a pedestrian dead. David Moses Jassy, a 34-year-old musician also known as Dave Monopoly, was arraigned. A 55-year-old local jazz musician, John Osnes, slapped Jasse’s SUV when it crept into his crosswalk. Jassy then got out of his car, punched Osnes in the face and kicked him in the head. When Osnes bent over to pick up his glasses, Jassy broke free of people trying to restrain him, got back behind the wheel of the SUV and ran over Osnes – a pedestrian rights activist
33:44 – WATCH – The World Against Toys Causing Harm, a watchdog group has warned parents in the US to look out for the Michaelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nunchucks ($9.99 at Target) because they can cause blunt impact injury
38:12 – In order to cover all the costs incurred during a typical school year, a high school in San Diego has allowed local businesses to advertise and run ads on the students’ tests. A recent calculus test had a banner on the top and bottom of the page that said BRACE YORUSELF FOR A GREAT SEMESTER – BRACES BY HENRY, STEVEN P. HENRY, D.MD
43:11 – A football game on Thursday that has been shot in 3D will be shown in three movie theaters in LA, New York and Boston – which you have to be invited to come. Guests will include big wigs from NFL sponsors and electronics companies to watch the Raiders vs. Chargers
45:01 – Seth talks about his friend, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who went to see the movie Role Models and saw a homeless man outside the theater, then bought him a ticket to the movie and gave him some extra spending cash. The homeless man, named “Doc,” went into the theater and sat by Romo and watched the movie together.
47:32 – Brad Pitt was stopped by security for entering the premiere of his own movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
50:33 – In Culver City, there’s a green eco battle going on between two neighbors – one has put solar panels all over his roof, and the other has surrounded his property in trees to block the sun and conserve energy, except the solar panels aren’t working because of the shade
51:55 – Stainless steel netting costing up to $50 million will be placed beneath the Golden Gate bridge to catch would-be suicide jumpers. 2,000 people have jumped from the bridge since it opened in 1937. Through October, 19 people have jumped in 2008
4:50 – Video stores and libraries have been getting Netflix accounts, putting the movies into blank cases and then re-renting them to customers
7:31 – NBC reports that 8 of the 65 30-second spots available for Super Bowl XLII are available. Jonathan pleads to the listeners to pony up a little bit of cash per person to raise $3 million for a 30-second spot advertising UYD
16:46 – 9-year-old Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet for his school’s book fair. It has been picked up by a publishing house and turned into a 49-page book available in book stores. It’s called “How To Talk To Girls.” In the book he talks about combing hair, not showing off and going easy on the compliments. He also says pretty girls are like cars because they need a lot of oil.
22:44 – 2008 Top 10 most searched terms on Yahoo!: 10) American Idol, 9) Angelina Jolie, 8) Lindsay Lohan, 7) Naruto (Japanese cartoon), 6) Jessica Alba, 5) Runescape (online game), 4) Mylie Cyrus, 3) WWE, 2) Barack Obama, 1) Britney Spears
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them threw their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
34:35 – Michael Phelps was on 60 Minutes and it took everything Anderson Cooper had not to start making out with him. They go to a swimming pool and Cooper takes his shirt off and tries to swim against him
39:39 – A Rastafarian, Bobby Brown, is suing the Jiffy Lube he works in in Massachusetts because they threatened to fire him if he doesn’t shave and cut his hair. They said they’d make him work in the bay below the cars if he didn’t.
49:35 – Crocs has won its lawsuit against Skechers, forcing them to stop making their plastic cog footwear. Seth: Are those new Crocs? They’re Skechers! Jah wishes we could see Seth’s body language right now
50:53 – 10 hours after a motorist reported striking a black bear in Lake Tahoe, the CHP reported that the bear’s gall bladder had been surgically removed, its groin area was shaved and a surgical glove was found next to the carcass. The gall bladder can sell for thousands of dollars on the black market in Asia as an aphrodesiac. Jah suspects that the person doing this is listening to a police scanner, getting there before the cops and taking care of it — or, a person runs over a bear, removes its gall bladder and calls it in afterwards
55:28 – A 31-year-old man in Nebraska was arrested because he met a “15-year-old girl” (cop) in a park for sex. He’s appealing with his lawyer on the grounds that the police used entrapment because the officer used emoticons during their online dialogue. Then when he tried to end the chat she blew him a kiss with an emoticon
56:48 – On Black Friday a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by crazy shoppers
1:00:05 – Bryan Russell, 31, of Maine, led police on a short car chase from the town he lives in to the neighboring town. He pulled over when he got to the county line and was like “What’s up fruits?!” The cops still arrested him as he apparently thought it was Dukes of Hazzard times.
0:40 – The Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience at UC-Berkeley fitted 9- and 10-year-olds with an egg cap that had electrodes on it to measure the electrical activity in their brains. Half the kids were from rich families, the other half were from poor families. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain critical to problem solving and creativity, showed vast differences. The poor kids’ brains were psychologically similar to someone with brain damage. Attributed to these kids were reading less, and having less social activity
3:38 – McDonald’s has unveiled a billboard campaign in Seattle that will roll out across the country: FOUR BUCKS IS DUMB. NOW SERVING ESPRESSO AT MCDONALD’S and LARGE IS THE NEW GRANDE. ONLY AT MCDONALD’S
5:26 – Top baby names of 2008 (a cross-section) – Girls: #1 – Emma, #15 – Riley, #22 – McKayla, #48 – Savannah, #71 – Cadence, #86 - McKenna. Boys: #1 – Aidan. #15 – Gavin, #18 – Caleb, #53 – Tristan, #95 – Bryce, #99 – Micah
8:05 – The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has banned smiling in driver’s license photos, because authorities say it will hamper facial recognition technology.
9:56 – Because the earth is slowing in its daily rotation, an international consortium of timekeepers have decided to add an extra second to the world’s atomic clocks. It will be added on Dec. 31 between 6:59:59 and 7:00:00, EST
18:24 – There have been 0 bids for the baby pics of Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz’s kid, Bronx Mogley. Pete Wentz this week: “Ashley is the kind of person that understands me in a way that other human beings don’t understand each other. She’s a lottery ticket.”
24:44 – Hot new trend: cosmetic surgery for the deceased
29:13 – Fox Sports has issued a public apology after their live NFL broadcast this Sunday. They were in the Minnesota Vikings’ locker room after their victory and a camera caught TE Visanthe Shiancoe’s dong by his locker. When told by a reporter that the clip was on YouTube, Shiancoe said, “How did it look?”
40:52 – Scientists have concluded that due to the overwhelming presence of chemicals in our environment, the male gender is in danger. Research has shown that chemicals have feminized males in every class of vertebrate animals from fish to people – baby boys born to women exposed to common household chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminized genitals. More than 1,000 new gender-bender chemicals have been introduced to the world in recent years
44:32 – A report back about the football game being shown in 3D (Episdoe 143, 43:11) was that it was “quite exciting.” You could see holes being opened up for running backs to run through, etc. During NBA All-Star Saturday Night (dunk contest, 3-point contest), that will be shot in 3D HD and shown in 80 movie theaters. Jah says Laura Darlington will get up on that. Jah saw the 3D television that was at the movie theater in the marina. He said it works, although it is a bizarre experience looking at what appears to be a 3D image without glasses. He says if you’re not in the optimum viewing area it could possibly give you a bad headache
55:01 – A man got a fraudulent parking ticket in NYC for $115, and he spent $7,500 to fight it because he “had nothing else to do.”
1:35 – ESPN asks 50 Cent about an alleged fight that he got into with Floyd Mayweather Jr. Mayweather hit 50 in the back of the head. Supposedly he tried to tell 50 what to do and 50 snatched him up and Mayweather him him. The fight was over Mayweather saying 50 was going to be at his WWE match. 50: “I was like if you’re really getting $20 million for this then give me some money. He was sitting there with $1 million in cash in a bag and he kept telling me he was going to get me money for appearing but I was like ‘No give me some of that money right there.’ He had $1 million physically right in front of me so why should I have to wait to get paid? He wasn’t with it so that’s how it all started.”
3:35 – Churches across the country are taking nativity scenes seriously this year, putting hidden cameras and GPS trackers inside baby Jesus to keep them from being stolen, etc.
7:45 – A hot new trend this week is loved ones being buried with their cell phones. Funeral homes report people being buried with iPhones and Blackberrys, while one woman paid her deceased husband’s cell phone bill each month and would call him occasionally and leave him a voicemail. Seth would like to be buried with his boombox
17:21 – The top grossing movie in the U.K. is now Mamma Mia!, which has made $106 million compared to Titanic’s $105 million
25:53 – Researchers have created what they are calling a “time-bending drug” that helps people deal with jet lag. It resets the body’s natural circadian rhythms and restores a natural ebb and flow to one’s sleep. It has melatonin bases that allow the user to get to sleep quicker and sleep deeper in their new time zone
27:38 – American Idol is claiming they’re going to cut down on their episodes in the beginning that feature “aspirational singers”
29:31 – 26th annual AVN Adult Movie Awards will be held on Jan. 10, 2009 at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. The cheapest ticket is $107. Hosted by Jenna Haze and Bella Donna.
38:31 – The Journal of Sleep Medicine is reporting on an alarming new trend of “z-mailing,” or people sending e-mails while sleeping
41:28 – A new study says that romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about relationships and ultimately make it harder to find a mate and leave people less satisfied with their love life
57:39 – A man was arrested in Grapevine TX for impersonating a police officer. He had mimicked the car quite well, but for his badge he used a Chipotle gift card and had Sharpied out his name and written POLICE
1:00:00 – In Holland Township, Pa., 35-year-old Heath Campbell is quite upset with his local supermarket because they’ve refused to make birthday cakes for his 3-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter – they wouldn’t spell out the two children’s names: Adolf Hitler Campbell and Jocelyn Aryan Nation Campbell
4:26 – Alaskan state troopers have arrested Sherri Johnston, 42, after an undercover narcotics investigation. She is the mother of 18-year-old Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter, Bristol. She’s charged with 6 felony counts involving a controlled substance, the prescription painkiller oxycontin
5:42 – The U.S. military’s general order #1 – no alcohol anywhere for soldiers in Iraq – is being lifted for Super Bowl XLIII. On Sunday, Feb. 1, soldiers will be allowed to drink two beers each in the dining hall while watching the game. Jah thinks if they chugged them they could get a solid buzz going
10:37 – A commentary in the Journal Nature argued for the use of drugs such as Ritalin in healthy adults as a legitimate way of improving brain power
12:23 – A Chuck-E-Cheese in Maryland this week, a 4-year-old in his birthday party was playing in the plastic maze of tubes called skytubes. The kid’s father saw his child playing with a condom, while another father saw the boy blowing up what he thought was a balloon. Chuck-E-Cheese representatives claimed that the condom was unused
13:41 – The human nose contains erectile tissue, and Seth read something about people sneezing when they’re aroused
23:02 – PETA picked its Person of the Year, none other than Oprah Winfrey. Seth wonders if UYD could ever win an award from PETA, but Jah says it’s an improbability because they’ve been talking shit about PETA for 2 years because their game is so wack. Seth has been a vegetarian for 6 years and Jah has been one for 11 or 12
24:23 – 18-year-old Uriel Oliva of Anaheim, California was ordered by a judge not to associate with members of his street gang as part of his probation. A police officer assisting on the probation check at Oliva’s home found a photo of him and 2 of his other gang member friends sitting with Santa Claus in a picture taken at the local shopping mall. All 3 are throwing up their gang signs in the photo. Uriel is now on trial facing 3 years in state prison
37:24 – Just before Halloween, JVC – the company that introduced the Video Home System (VHS) format in 1977 – announced it would no longer make stand-alone VCRs. They were the last manufacturer to let them go. The last major Hollywood release on VHS was A History of Violence (2006).
42:03 – A 92-year-old woman bought a scratcher ticket at a supermarket in Queens, NY this week, scratched it and threw it away. The 24-year-old clerk, son of the market’s owner, checked the ticket, saw it was a winner then scratched the rest of the numbers off. Prizes totaled $1 million. The 24-year-old found the woman and gave her back the ticket because he’s the best dude ever. To show her gratitude for this, each of the woman’s 7 children gave him $100 gift cards
48:55 – Students from a high school in Montgomery County, Md. Created a game called “Speed Camera Pimping,” when the kids would take glossy photo paper, duplicate people’s license plates using the same font and colors to mimick a Maryland plate, then tape the fake licenses over their plates, exchanging vehicles among them that were similar to the victims’ vehicles. They would then purposely speed through intersections that had a red light traffic camera, and the next week the victims would receive a citation in the mail worth $300
54:06 – In Mansfield, TX, 66-year-old school bus driver William Allen was arrested for pulling a knife on 3 6-year-old girls. He threatened to cut their wrists after they left cookie crumbs on their bus seats
54:52 – A man in Buffalo, Benedict Harkins, sued a supermarket saying he tripped and fell on a rug in the store, except a surveillance camera showed him looking around, then rolling up the rug and then yelling like he got hurt
56:38 – Dude was running from the cops in a stolen car the middle of the night, he jumps out of it, runs it into a snowbank, then runs into a police station and they jack him up
3:37 – Things/laws that haven’t changed in 2009: In West Virginia, anyone who taunts someone who decides to not participate in a duel is guilty of a misdemeanor and can be fined up to $100; In Alabama, anyone who performs a marriage is entitled to $2
4:31 – Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had their baby boy, Trip. He joins his aunts and uncles, Track (19), Willow (14), Piper (7) and Trig (7 months)
13:57 – Hot new job for 2009: Death midwives. An alternative to traditional funeral services (can cost up to $10,000), for a fee of $1,500, a midwife guides the family through the legalities of losing a loved one, paperwork, death certificates, body transport permits, while being there emotionally for the family and to help ease the person into the next world. The midwife is versed in light makeup and usually brings cardboard caskets for a backyard burial and brings dry ice to allow for extended home viewing
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
23:26 – The average of a first-time mom in the United States is 25.2 years old
27:29 – Thomas Infante walked into a Chicago bank and handed the teller a note that read BE QUICK, BE QUIT. GIVE YOUR CASH OR I’LL SHOOT. The teller gave the man $400; the man ran out and left the note. The note was written on a torn half of his work paystub. On the stub was his full name and home address. The FBI then drove to his house, rang his doorbell and he answered
29:39 – It’s the height of the cruise season, and Seth informs us that 20 people go overboard every year while taking cruises
53:07 – The newest app for the iPhone is “I Am A Man,” costing $1.99, which helps you keep track of your girl’s menstrual cycle and plan your calendar around it, etc.
53:57 – Current U.S. population is 305,529,237. In the month of January, 1 birth is expected to occur every 8 seconds and a death to occur every 12 seconds
1:03:02 – There have been some aggressive anti-panhandling measures taken against homeless people in urban areas of the country
1:06 – New way of reaching out to your favorite celebrities, LiveAutographs.com is a personalized celebrity experience. You tell your favorite celebrity what you want them to say and sign, get a personalized video message and authentic autographed memorabilia. Some of the available celebs: Mario Lopez, NKOTB, Cindy Margolis, Hulk Hogan, Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Danica Patrick (Jah: “Who is that?”). Price starts at $150
7:25 – A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck, ND, called 911 on New Year’s Eve. She reported herself driving under the influence. When police arrived at the scene, the girl was on the side of the road, crying, with her keys in her purse, failed a sobriety test, and was arrested. She told police her life had been spiraling out of control and that she had spent the majority of the time drinking over the past two weeks.
11:41 – Facial recognition software has been created that can take a photo and then compare it to millions of other mug shots in the database and find perfect matches. Software is entitled “MorphoFace”
26:18 – In Jackson, Ohio, a 4-year-old was so angry at his babysitter after the babysitter stepped on his foot that he went and grabbed a shotgun from the closet and shot him
26:54 – Virginia 6-year-old missed his school bus and was bummed, but didn’t want to miss first grade breakfast or gym class, so he took the keys to his mom’s 1995 Ford Taurus, driving 10 miles while weaving in and out of traffic, reaching speeds up to 60 mph until ultimately he slammed into a utility pole. He then left the car on the side of the road and walked the rest of the way to school. He later told police he learned how to drive by playing the game Grand Theft Auto
30:23 – The FBI is warning all Americans about a “cybergeddon” – a mass coordinated cyber attack that would cripple the US by interfering with our very infrastructures that dictate our day-to-day lives
40:27 – Survey of US companies’ HR directors from a cross-section of different industries all around the country found that the #1 complaint of HR directors is internet porn in the workplace
57:25 – In keeping with death midwives (Episode 148, 13:57), people are putting their future grave plots up for sale and putting non-family members in them
58:25 – According to Global Language Monitor, an Austin-based company, the English language is roughly 1,227 words away from reaching 1 million. According to their estimations we should get their around April 29 of 2009
1:01:34 – According to the website Blue Donut, you can determine the age of your vehicle in people years. The formulaic equation for calculating this is taking the milage on your car and dividing it by the model year. Jah can’t seem to correctly divide 60,000 by 2003 to get 29.95 years (he comes up with 2,003)
1:05:08 – Lisa Bonet and her boyfriend Jason Momoa of Stargate: Atlantis had a baby and named it Nakoa Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
2:07 – AshleyMadison.com, the dating website for married people (“Life is short. Have an affair.” – Episode 102, 53:13), will not be allowed to have an ad during the Super Bowl next month. They’ve been turned down. Which leaves room for an Uhh Yeah Dude spot
6:16 – New trend for young parents. Chicken pox parties: parents organize afternoon parties and sleepovers where several kids contract the pox from one kid who is infected with the virus, and they all get it and can organize taking time off work, etc.
12:48 – In a small town in California called Monterey County (a farming town), police have arrested a migrant worker, Marcelino de Jesus Martinez, 36, from rural Juahaca, Mexico. They arrested him after he contacted them to complain about a broken agreement. He had agreed to marry off his 14-year-old daughter to an 18-year-old groom. For this he would receive in exchange $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat. The groom failed to come up with the entire dowery and Martinez went to the cops to complain
15:43 – The classic 1970s book, “The Joy of Sex,” has gotten a modern makeover for the new edition. The men and women featured in photos of the book will have decidedly less hair than their older counterparts. The chapter of sex on horseback will be taken out, as will references to black women as negresses. It will also contain a chapter fully devoted to phone sex. Jah remembers going through that book a couple of times
21:03 – A lawyer for the Swedish hip-hop artist who killed a pedestrian in Hollywood (Episode 143, 28:50) has invoked the movie Crash in court to ask for a reduction of his client’s $1 million bail. He says “The fatal encounter in a Hollywood crosswalk is a prime example of the Academy Award-winning film’s thesis that random interactions of diverse people in a city as frenetic as Los Angeles can lead to disastrous consequences.”
24:43 – One out of every 100 Americans is currently being stalked. Definition of stalk: Two separate occasions by the same person of unwanted contact more than once in a week
30:38 – Chrysler is going to stop producing the PT Cruiser this summer. Seth is angered by this because sometimes all he wants to do is go in his PT Cruiser, get a frozen yogurt, pick up a Laserdisc and go home. Jah: “I loved Laserdiscs. I was so down with them.”
32:26 – A 13-year-old girl in California named Reina Hardesty got a 440-page statement from AT&T this month detailing the 14,528 text messages she had sent last month – on average 484 texts a day. Her father pays $30 a month for unlimited texting in her cellular plan
35:44 – Tuesday’s presidential inaugural celebration for Barack Obama from the Lincoln Memorial will be presented exclusively by HBO. The celebration will feature musical acts Bono, Garth Brooks, Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, James Taylor and Stevie Wonder. The evening will also include readings of historical passages by Jamie Foxx
38:36 – A lottery in Anchorage, Alaska, that has been designed to benefit the state’s sex abuse victims, reached $500,000. It was won this week by a 3-time sex offender
50:01 – Researchers at Wake Forest University have authored a report in Chest – the Journal of American College of Chest Physicians. The report says that parents of children under age 2 should not use Vicks Vapor Rub on their sniffling, coughing, sick children. Use of the product on kids that young was found to increase mucus production and inflammation. Studies found no health benefits for people of any age
52:23 – The old Coke slogan was “The Coke Side of Life,” but the new Coke slogan is “Open Happiness.” Jah also can’t believe Pepsi jacked the Obama logo (Episode 139, 41:32)
53:23 – A married Marine gunnery sergeant was sentenced to 90 days in the brig after pleading guilty to committing adultery. Stephen Kuehler, 30, had recruited 19-year-old Pfc. Michael Patton. He attended Patton’s funeral in Missouri and then slept with his widow while he was there. Pfc. Patton was killed by a roadside bomb
8:32 – Jah reads this current event with the Batman voice: The tough economic times have brought an increase in something we’re calling cash stashers – people who hoard their money at their home instead of using a bank. Companies that sell diversion safes are reporting huge jumps in sales (Jah’s Batman voice fades out with a cough)
14:07 – After 110 years, the HJ Heinz Co. will replace the tiny green pickle that has appeared on the front of their ketchup bottles with a large vine-ripened tomato.
15:18 – Gatorade has also changed its name and logo to “G,” then there’s “G2.”
17:11 – A new study by psychologists at the University of Michigan says that living in urban environments impairs our basic mental processes. The brain is a limited machine and the overwhelming incessant stimuli of the city exhausts the brain and puts a strain on memory, concentration and calmness
22:36 – A police chief at Colorado State University has been relieved of his duties on the campus over allegations of corruption and violence. He’s a 38-year-old grad student. Sheriff’s deputies began recording Dexter Yarbrough’s lectures and off-color remarks, including “women want the dick, even when they say they don’t want the dick.”
29:39 – According to Logo Network, January is the first-ever Drag History Month.
31:05 – Police across the country are reporting the number of stolen cars in the past few months has dropped dramatically. In these tough economic times, it seems people don’t even have enough money to buy a stolen cars
45:44 – The Sixth Annual Lingerie Bowl is scheduled for halfime of Super Bowl XLIII, Sunday, Feb. 1, 2009 – if it even takes place. The hometown Tampa Breeze are embroiled in contract disputes. They are upset that the game is being played at a local nudist resort. Regardless, the inaugural season of the LBFL will kick off at the Sears Center in Chicago on Sept. 4, 2009. There are 10 teams in the league: Tampa Breeze, Seattle Mist, Dallas Desire, Miami Caliente, Chicago Bliss, San Diego Seduction, Atlanta Steam, New England Euphoria, Phoenix Scorch and the LA Temptation
48:14 – Kelli McCarty, 39, a former Miss Kansas and Miss USA 1991, starred on the soap opera Passions for seven years. She will make her XXX debut in a movie called Faithless: From Beauty Queen to Porn Queen, available Feb. 4, 2009. Her quote: “I enjoy acting and I really like sex. This was the perfect opportunity to combine two of my passions.”
53:28 – The first video game sports character to break the color barrier appeared in the Atari 800 game Basketball in 1979.
54:31 – A Michigan postal worker, Jill Hull, was discovered to have rented a storage unit to hide thousands of pieces of mail that she’s failed to deliver, including over 1,000 important first-class letters. When asked about this, she said: “I was unable to deliver all of the mail.”
56:37 – Statistics released by the U.S. Education Department say that 32 million U.S. adults cannot read. That’s 14%, or 1 in every 7 people. Seth refuses to believe this and proves that it’s wicked easy by reading the next news item:
58:29 – On Jan. 22, 1959, the Coors Brewing Co. released the nation’s very first recyclable aluminum beer can, replacing the old tin can. Seth: “It’s wicked easy. Bop-bop-bop. Spell it out.”
1:00 – Seven Jack In The Box locations in Charlotte, N.C., have tried to outsource their drive-thru order taking. A woman going through the drive-thru asked the voice, “Why do you have such a strong accent?” and the reply was “I’m in Texas.”
6:33 – New studies published in a medical journal claim that fake acupuncture needles, or acupuncture needles incorrectly inserted in places where they’re not supposed to be, work as well as proper acupuncture needles in releasing endorphins to heal the body. Seth: “I’m gonna put it in your butt and your eye, but trust me, you’re gonna release some amber, because that’s the color of your energy.”
7:43 – A 14-year-old aspiring police officer put on a uniform, walked into a Chicago police station, managed to get an assignment patrolling in a squad car for over 5 hours before he was detected. He’s a 5-foot-3 boy who’s very muscular, and he stuffed magazines under his shirt to look like a bullet-proof vest. He also knew police lingo from his obsession with police dramas. This is the third time he’s impersonated a police officer. An official claims he was discovered by missing a particular star that is part of his uniform. He did not drive a car, nor did he carry a gun or issue any tickets.
10:09 – A brand-new Harris poll lists America’s top 10 TV personalities: 10) Mark Harmon, 9) Steven Colbert (Seth: “Meshach Taylor.” – Episode 048/10:48), 8) Steve Carell, 7) Charlie Sheen, 6) John Stewart, 5) David Letterman, 4) Oprah Winfrey, 3) Ellen Degeneres, 2) House (this pisses Jah off because it’s a character, not a personality), 1) Jay Leno
25:56 – The Lingerie Bowl has been canceled, which pisses off Jah and Seth
27:30 – PETA’s ad that they were trying to get into the Super Bowl was banned. The ad had some scantily-clad women getting frisky with vegetables, saying vegetarians have better sex, while licking pumpkins, etc. Jah: “What the fuck.”
28:54 – Hackers got into the Texas Department of Transportation computer system and altered a portable roadside traffic sign in Austin to read: ZOMBIES AHEAD. RUN FOR COLD CLIMATES. THE END IS NEAR.
29:38 – A new trend for married females – mousewives. They stay at home, surf the web, and earn money by selling and reviewing items. Jah thinks the mousewife should really become a camwife and make some real money
32:41 – In these tough economic times, even the Girl Scouts are feeling the crunch. Due to the rising baking costs and rising costs of ingredients, boxes of Do-Si-Dos, Thin Mints and Tagalongs will feature fewer cookies per box. Jah likes the peanut butter ones but Seth tells him he can’t have them because now he might get salmonella. Jah tells everyone to just go to Whole Foods and then they won’t have to worry about contracting anything.
36:24 – Michael Yoe, on The Daily 10, interviewing Chris Evans: “I just did a charity event with Jessica Biel. I know you dated her. How was it dating her?” Evans looked off camera to his publicist and looked back and was like “She’s great, she’s got a great heart,” then looked back off camera like What the fuck is he asking me?
46:13 – The United States Postal Service has asked Congress about the possibility of eliminating one day of mail service – either Tuesdays or Saturdays. They lost $3 billion last year and will possibly lose $6 billion this year. Seth says that if they cut a day of his mail, he would lose his mind, because mail is something he looks forward to every day. He got a postcard today from a UYD listener.
47:23 – This week on Kanye Wests’ video blog: “I know I’ve been called the Louis Vuitton Don. I’ve changed my name to Martin Louis The King Jr. Address me as such.”
1:00:46 – Warehouses that are run by Gap, Zapos and Staples, are using autonomous robots to find, gather and deliver products from their shelves. The companies have enormous warehouses filled with their product. The robots are sent into the giant rooms, where they locate the shelving unit that contains the product, slide beneath them to pick them up, then find their own way back to human operators. They need to be recharged 5 minutes for every hour and there are over 1,000 machines now in use.
1:49 – A new research study shows that women have more nightmares than men and men dream about sex more than women
21:52 – According to research by a team at University of Pittsburgh and Harvard medical schools, the more time teenagers spend in front of the television, the more likely they will be depressed as adults
23:54 – The February issue of Archives of Pediatrics in Adolescent Medicine say teens who go out with friends are more likely to use marijuana than teens who have fewer friends
24:40 – Seth read about the woman who had the 40 kids. She’s an only child, and studies show that only children want to compensate with a grip of children. Seth told his mother to get ready because he’s going to pound them out.
25:08 – Myspace has identified and removed more than 90,000 registered sex offenders from its site in the past two years
30:03 – Consumer Reports has compiled a list of activities that Americans engage in that are dangerous. 75% of Americans still use cotton swabs. (Jah used one the other day.) 50% have no carbon monoxide detector. 61% have no bath mat in their shower
33:02 – 18-year-old gay male high school senior in Milwaukee creates a fake Facebook page as a hot teen girl named Emily, and another one named Kayla. He gets 31 dudes to send him photos of their pieces and videos of them JOing – all 15-18-year-olds. Over 300 photos collected. Emily/Kayla get in touch with the dudes and say “you gotta meet my guy friend – you either have to blow him, let him blow you or let him fuck you, or I’m going to put all these photos up everywhere.” He manages to corral 7 of these guys into this powerful plan and they get it on.
41:51 – During the Super Bowl, 80,000 viewers in Tuscon, Arizona were celebrating the late-game TD from Larry Fitzgerald, then their TVs cut to 30 seconds of porn that was telecast across the area – woman unbuttoning a dude’s pants then sticking his dick in her mouth. Comcast Cable is mortified and is offering $10 rebates to anyone who is “impacted” by the experience. The 22-year-old female in the movie’s name is Tristen Kingsley. She’s gaining popularity from this. She works exclusively for Jenna Jameson’s company. She’s from the Bay Area but she moved to SoCal for “porn and a change of pace.”
44:57 – Katie Couric interviewed Lil’ Wayne, who says “I’m a gangsta, Miss Katie.” Two minutes later in the interview they’re bowling together.
57:27 – Guy in Cleveland calls 911 and tells operators there are guys with guns watching him. 911 operator asks to stay on the phone with him, and the guy says he’s OK because he left the house, and the guy proceeds to do a drug deal while he’s on the line with 911 operators. The cops roll up and he has crack in his pockets
1:08 – A coach of a N.H. high school boys and girls swim team has been fired for some inappropriate t-shirts: ONE TREE, ONE TEAM AT A TIME (in reference to a member of the team who had crashed into a tree and went into a temporary coma); and one that read THE MASCOT IS A QUITTER (mocking a player with the last name “Mascot” who had quit the team); and he has now made a t-shirt for the girls team that reads THE WETTER, THE BETTER.
13:53 – California is set to release 57,000 inmates over the next two years because of some possible overcrowding
16:41 – This Wednesday, Koby Teeth will unveil his new line of clothing called TK Steelmen – described as “Country Sexy.” It will launch at his new bar, I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s in Las Vegas. Age demographic is between 25-54. They are covered in oilfield imagery, they contain sleeveless shirts, tight Ts, hoodies, jeans, cowboy hats, baseball hats, bandanas, belts and leather wrist straps. The line will be available at Kohl’s, Target and Wal-Mart. J-Dog wonders if he can wear only clothing made by Koby Teeth and LL Cool J. This devolves into the new name of their podcast, “Straight Talk With TK & Steelmen.”
20:30 – The price of a stamp will be rising from 42 cents to 44 cents on May 11 (Episode 012, 51:41). Seth encourages everyone to just buy $10,000 worth of Forever Stamps
22:48 – There are more reported cases of sexual assaults on the campus of UC-Davis than all other California universities combined. (Jah: “Just so you know Jogger will be playing a show at UC-Davis.”) Representatives from the school say it’s actually a very positive thing because it shows that their students are more willing and more comfortable at reporting crimes when they occur.
24:25 – Recorded message at the Kellogg’s consumer hotline this week: “If you would like to share your comments regarding our relationship with Michael Phelps, please press 1 to speak to a representative. If you’re calling about the recent peanut butter recall, please press 2 now.”
29:51 – In these tough economic times, there are things called “economic parties” or “stimulus parties,” ways of friends gathering “on the cheap.” There are “pink slip parties” where people gather together to commiserate and talk about new ways of finding jobs; and “coupon parties,” people who gather together, share coupons and savings tips with each other
36:15 – Six million people still have rabbit ears on their television in 2009. They have moved up the digital conversion day from this Tuesday because people can’t pull it together. Jah thinks it’s because the government is installing monitoring chips on every TV
39:08 – MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice will be performing together Friday, Feb. 27, 2009 at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah. Seth said he wouldn’t mind going if he hadn’t already seen Hammer and Ice perform in 1990 at the Worcester Centrum.
43:12 – Downtoearth.com is geared to those new to web-based dating services. You get to rate the truthfulness of photos and profiles. These are people who are “real.” Seth wants to know what the “25 Random Things About Me” thing on Facebook is that Jah keeps getting sent from listeners.
45:09 – Board games are also making a huge comeback because they're cheap, easy, safe entertainment. Seth is an only child so he’s never played a board game in his life. Jah can only recommend one: Balderdash.
48:10 – Seth read about people who carpooled to D.C. for inauguration parties and stayed with other people in dorms because hotels were all sold out
56:43 – The Center for Disease Control has issued a study on teen smokers – 52% prefer Marlboros, while 21% prefer Newports. However, 75% of black teens prefer Newports and 13% prefer Camels.
59:48 – Members of PETA dressed up like KKK members and stood outside of Madison Square Garden in New York, the site of the Westminster Dog Show. They held signs and shouted at onlookers that the American Kennel Club is trying to create a “master race of purebred dogs” and that purebred dogs are just “pure bloodlines being manipulated for world domination.”
1:02:56 – Coca-Cola will drop the word “Classic” from its Coke product. Classic was added in 1985 with the introduction of New Coke, which was discontinued in 2004.
0:48 – To celebrate Black History Month, Albright College in Reading, Pa. has put signs over different drinking fountains that read WHITE and COLORED ONLY to signify how far we’ve come, and it’s causing some disruption
2:56 – In these tough economic times, many people are going back to dial-up internet and canceling cable internet and DSL.
3:59 – Seth reads about a woman in the LA Times who bought a digital cable converter box but is having some trouble hooking it up to her 17-inch Toshiba
12:38 – After an 8-year hiatus, the original members of Limp Bizkit are reuniting for a tour and album. Jah does not believe him and thinks Seth is making this up.
14:43 – Jah references the woman who faked her own death and showed up at the funeral (Episode 151, 12:14), which relates to the story he read this week: A man is in jail facing extradition for this crime he had committed, and he explains that they’ve got the wrong guy and they’re mistaking him for his twin brother – the evil one. They show him his birth certificate at the trial, and he then explains that they were Siamese Twins separated at birth.
22:06 – The American Counseling Association claims there is no difference in marriage satisfaction between arranged marriages in India and couples in the U.S. who marry for love after courtship. Seth doesn’t believe that.
23:40 – Troy Brisport of Toledo Ohio was arrested this week. He took a woman against her own will, brought her to his house, handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her and stripped her of all her clothes, put a diaper on her and then read her passages from the Bible for a total of 3 days and tried unsuccessfully to suffocate her with a pillow several times. He later fell asleep and she escaped.
30:56 – Paul Davies, an acclaimed theoretical physicist and cosmologist has been traveling the country and giving lectures about a possible alien shadow life that currently lives among us
38:50 – The Georgia State Capitol is going forward with its Annual PB&J Day on March 4 despite the national recall and scare. A spokeswoman for the Georgia Peanut Production Association says “It’s about 3 hours of the most fun you can have.”
41:50 – There was a very sad passing this week of a man who has brought Seth 20 years of laughter, joy and excitement. It was an 88-year-old nuclear physicist and aerospace engineer by the name of Jack Cover – he invented the taser.
43:46 – Wired magazine had an article about odd animal mating rituals – hippos use their tails to throw their feces all over the place to convey olifactory cues about their capable reproductive help; flatworms, because they are hemaphrodites, engage in a pseudo penis jousting battle to determine the winner, and the winner gets to be the male. (UYD does the same thing before every show, which is why Guy Cunt refused to come film them anymore)
46:56 – New poll says that 1 in 5 teens has sent a nude or partially clothed image of themselves to someone either by e-mail or mobile phone. 50% of 15-19-year-olds have sent sexually suggestive texts, which imply “an expectation to hook up.”
48:00 – Erykah Badu had a child with André 3000 named Seven Sirius. She also had a child with the rapper DOC, named Puma Rose Sabti. She also just had a child with rapper Jay Electronica named Mars Merkaba.
48:38 – Charlie Sheen told Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that he will name one of his twins Bob Ma Sheen.
54:59 – They have found a cure for the common cold, supposedly.
0:41 – A company in Dallas was shot down this week called wifebeaters.com, selling wife beater tanks online. They offered a discount to anyone who could actually prove they had beaten their wife or girlfriend.
5:36 – A woman is suing Yahoo! because she typed her name, Beverly Stayart, into a search engine and when she clicked on one of the pages that came up it was a porn video clip and the other one was an ad for an erectile dysfunction drug.
7:05 – Vivid Video has offered Nadya Suleman (Octomom) $1 million and a year of free health care for her numerous kids for her Vivid celebrity outfit, which has featured Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and Kelli McCarty.
12:31 – The Today show has profiled a new exercise regime called “The Jedi Workout.” You wear full cloak, light saber, and you do a lot of jumping, squatting and mock battling. It gets the heart rate up and you have a total blast at the same time.
14:00 – GenePartner.com – DNA Dating. “Love is no coincidence.” Formula matches men and women by analyzing specific genes in their DNA. It only costs $99. It tests for biological compatibility for the “ultimate result.”
15:52 – Following Myspace’s lead of removing sex offenders from its site, Facebook has done their own internal review and removed 5,585 convicted sex offenders from their active member ranks.
24:33 – A new coffeeshop has opened in Maine called the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop – no cameras, no touching, cash only. Located on the busy Route 3, the shop had 150 applicants. They are open from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. They serve coffee and donuts – nothing else. The first couple days have seen a lot of male customers casually sipping coffee and talking. 43-year-old waitress Kris Kelly said a man left her a $100 bill as a tip. 23-year-old waitress Susie Wiley says “I love it.” They also employ male waiters for good measure.
31:36 – According to the Pugh Research Center, a cross-section of Americans were polled, asking them if they would rather live in a neighborhood with more McDonald’s or more Starbucks. 43% said more McDonald’s, 35% said more Starbucks and 22% didn’t have a preference.
39:21 – Sunday, March 8 is Daylight Savings Time. UYD reminds listeners to check batteries in smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.
40:42 – The tough economic times have led to a lot of “Boomerang Children” who are in their 30s and 40s with spouses and children moving back in with mom and dad.
43:02 – The new RNC chairman Michael Steel, a black man, said the Republican party needs a makeover to let people know they’re hip as well. He said the new campaign was going to be “off the hook.” They want to bring hip-hop to Republican party principles.
44:46 – The mayor of Los Alamitos, Calif., is responding to criticism for an e-mail he sent from his personal account to local politicians and civic leaders and business owners. Dean Grose sent an e-mail that depicts the White House lawn covered with planted watermelons. Under the title it said NO EASTER EGG HUNT THIS YEAR. Grose confirmed the e-mail to the Associated Press but said he didn’t mean to offend anyone, particularly blacks, and was unaware of the stereotype that black people like watermelons.
48:14 – A 15-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl had sex this week in Arkansas, which is a little young (but not for Jah). They did it in front of the 15-year-old’s buddy as he videotaped it, and they’ve been showing it to everyone on their cell phone.
52:14 – 48-year-old Slade Fierro makes his living as a real doll doctor who fixes them up and cleans them.
53:41 – A revolution has hit the cereal aisle. The Kellogg company is announcing a 6-month trial test in Detroit of new cereal boxes that are shorter and deeper than the traditional boxes we are all used to. It is the most significant innovation in cereal boxes since the 1950s. The tall and thin boxes don’t fit well in new kitchen cupboards.
57:35 – Finally getting to the news item he started at the 2:12 mark, Gwyneth Paltrow is responding to some negative backlash to her new lifestyle blog called “Goop.” The slogan is “Nourish the inner aspect.” She said, “I have had a lot of really useful information I was privileged enough to get because I have this amazing, super fortunate life. My friends call me all the time to say ‘Where should I go? What should I do?’”
1:02:30 – Seth talks about a dude who was on Oprah who claimed he was at a concentration camp in the Holocaust who was kept alive by a girl who brought him an apple and ended up going on a date with her 30 years later, wrote a book about the account and then it turned out he was lying the whole time.
5:01 – Jah says this show is dedicated to Scarlett Pomers, who once played the youngest daughter on Reba, but they know her from the show America’s Most Talented Kid, because she was a kid judge on it along with Bobby J. Thompson and Daryl Sabara. Pomers took a leave of absence from the WB Network series to check into a clinic for anorexia.
8:06 – Postage stamps go up on Sunday to 39 cents (Episode 012, 51:41).
8:35 – Country artist Chris Cagle had a kid with his Hooters girlfriend, then quit drinking and realized it wasn’t his kid.
14:01 – A 14-year-old kid got one of those cams for his computer and all of a sudden a man offers him $50 and a Paypal account for him to take his shirt off for 3 minutes. Four years later he’s $400,000 in because he’s fully wacking off with his mom in the other room. He has 1,500 dudes around the country paying him, one of whom has paid to put him up in a condo, where he spends the whole day doing dudes for money. An undercover New York Times reporter paid to fly him out to Vegas to “fuck” him, then confronted him about it.
15:48 – President Bush’s New Year’s resolution: “To work tirelessly toward peace and prosperity.”
22:06 – Seth talks about the Fiesta Bowl dilemma of 2006 (Notre Dame vs. Ohio State), during which Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn’s sister (who was engaged to Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk) was wearing a split jersey with half Notre Dame colors and half Ohio State colors
24:10 – Spain doesn’t allow any more indoor smoking. Greece smokes more than any other European country.
24:41 – Hurricane Katrina has displaced 2,000 sex offenders from Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi.
30:52 – Baby Boomers are buying Honda Elements and Toyota Scions, which Jonathan finds absolutely inexcusable. He test drove a Scion and was sucked in by the DJ-like culture they had when they first came out.
31:32 – Former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett was arrested for robbing two people at gunpoint in an alley in Columbus, Ohio.
32:18 – Molly Weeks has invented a mixture of ballet, Pilates and yoga for the core called “Ballecore”
32:57 – CVC Fantasy Baseball is suing MLB because MLB is claiming they own the intellectual rights to statistics. CVC is arguing that they are historical and public record once the games are over.
34:28 – Thousands of inmates in Kenya skipped lunch to send food to countrymen affected by drought. Most of Kenya’s 50,000 prisoners gave up their rations of beans and corn porridge on the day that their president declared a natural disaster and said about 2.5 million Kenyans would need famine relief in the next 6 months.
35:39 – FDA requires foods to list their trans fats on their food labels starting in 2006.
36:15 – Patrick Swayze has been experimenting with rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.
39:55 – The city of Los Angeles spent more than $88,000 on bottled water for themselves, despite pleading with the residents that the water is OK to drink.
49:01 – Jah reads off some headlines from papers on Jan. 4, 2006 that reported that the 12 miners who died in the Sago, W.V., mine accident were really alive. It was blamed on someone who was in the mine who claimed they were alive, then it got passed on to some woman at the top who relayed it to Anderson Cooper.
51:58 – NFL has canceled Levitra as a sponsor
54:10 – A Frontier Airlines passenger in San Jose who had a notebook with the words SUICIDE BOMBER on it was taken into custody on Wednesday and questioned for several hours before being released to his family.
1:00:14 – A roof in Germany was covered in too much snow and collapsed and killed 15 people.
1:00:57 – Former boxing champion Tommy Hearns was accused of striking his 13-year-old son during an argument
1:01:58 – Father and stepmother left their 5- and 9-year-old boys home alone and went to Las Vegas to have a throwdown party on New Year’s Eve. The 5-year-old was autistic and could be heard by neighbors yelling “Help me!”
1:08:30 – A 41-year-old teacher at the Buttonwillow School in California had sex with a 12-year-old
1:13:53 – Female passengers in Tokyo have requested to have separate subway cars because of the presence of chikan, as the molestors are known in Japan. In America it’s called frottage (Episode 113, 24:42).
1:15:17 – In a jealous rage, Marlon Brando Gill demanded to see his ex-girlfriend’s cell phone, and when she resisted he went berserk in a car in a Missouri parking lot. He used his hands to force open her mouth and jammed the Motorola cell phone down her throat (Episode 003, 6:58). Doctors performed a tracheotomy to save her life. Gill claimed she tried to swallow it on her own.
1:24:40 – A couple is on their honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean cruise, and blood stains are found on the balcony of their cabin all the way to the lifeboats. The wife woke up shitrocked at 4 a.m. on the other end of the boat. They put her in a wheelchair, which is protocol, and the husband is missing.
3:46 – The Iranian president claims there was no Holocaust, Israel should be wiped off the map and in a UN summit in 2005, came back to Iran and told his aides that during 28 minutes of the summit a glow of light surrounded him and all the world’s leaders did not blink. Right after that he went golfing with Kim Jong Il and had nine hole-in-ones.
5:34 – Luther from 2 Live Crew is suing 50 Cent over “In Da Club”
6:43 – The Winchester Gun Factory in Connecticut is slated to shut down. The company has been hurt by slumping firearm sales. About 19,000 people worked in the plant during World War II, and now there are less than 200.
7:49 – February 1, German police officers have been banned from sporting ponytails, stubbly beards and earrings in order to tidy up their appearance for the World Cup this summer. Seth thinks you can’t say “German police” without saying “beards or ponytails.”
8:37 – Vermont judge gives man 60 days in jail for cursing at her – the same sentence a rapist in Vermont got last week for raping a girl from the time she was 6 to age 10.
9:27 – A boy who asked to be set on fire has been hospitalized. A 13-year-old from Orange was hospitalized and his 15-year-old friend was arrested on suspicion of assault after the older teen complied with the friend’s request to be set on fire. The incident occurred about 8:30 a.m. Saturday at the victim’s home on Bourbon St. Witnesses say the 13-year-old doused his shirt with cologne and asked his friend to squirt him with lighter fluid and ignite the shirt. The boy was reported critical but stable condition at UCI.
10:40 – A 23-year-old kindergarten teacher at Westwood Charter Elementary School was stabbed to death Wednesday morning shortly after she called police to say her former boyfriend was at the door of the West Chester home she shared with her parents. Before she hung up she told police that her 24-year-old boyfriend was breaking in and she was going to hide. He came in, armed himself with a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her. Afterward he went outside, doused himself in a flammable liquid and lit himself on fire in his car. The girl had found out he had a girlfriend on the side, the 2 girls found out he was lying to both of them and they agreed to not see him again, so this was his retribution.
13:17 – Conan O’Brien looks like Finland’s first female president. His show and the president figured this out, and she mentioned it in one of her campaign ads because of his popularity over there.
14:07 – William Shatner sold his kidney stone for $20,000, and donated the money to Habitat for Humanity.
14:54 – Terry O’Neal, Steelers fan, had a heart attack when Jerome Bettis fumbled the ball in the Colts game. When he came out of the heart attack, the first thing out of his mouth was “Did we win?”
15:59 – A face transplant patient, the world’s first successful one (in France), has resumed smoking. Her face was missing because a dog ate off her face. She was unable to speak or eat. The doctors said it could interfere with her healing and raise the risk of tissue rejection. The French woman’s surgeons made their first scientific presentation on the partial face transplant, performed on Nov. 27 at a medical conference in Tuscon.
20:28 – The apparent suicide of a 38-year-old Japanese venture capitalist has added a sinister aura to the investigation into the dealings of the Takafumi Hori. The brash internet entrepreneur at the center of the drama has roiled stock markets. The body of Hideki Naguchi, a former executive with Hori’s multi-billion dollar live door company online media services empire was discovered Wednesday night at a business hotel in Okinawa. Sources say he slashed his wrists.
21:30 – A mechanic was sucked into a jet engine and killed while passengers were boarding a plane, officials in El Paso said. The National Safety Transporation Board spokesman said she didn’t know if anyone saw the accident, which occurred on a Boeing 757 operated by Continental. Because of an earlier problem with the engine, its metal covering was opening at the time. 114 passengers and 5 crew members were boarding at the time.
22:10 – JT LeRoy, a 25-year-old transsexual novelist whose mother pimped him as a cross-dressed child prostitute and got his first book deal at 17, does not exist. It was really Laura Albert, 40-year-old writer, mom and former phone sex technician
28:17 – 2 million gallons of untreated sewage spewed out of manhole covers in some residential pipes Sunday in Manhattan Beach. Dried bits of toilet paper and black scum, a plume of foul debris smelling like rudebaga appeared on the streets.
30:00 – A woman was accused of poisoning her husband and son by lacing their milkshakes with prescription drugs.
30:41 – In Japan, scientists have put a hamster in a cage with a snake for food, but the snake decided not to eat it. Instead they’re living together and fucking. The hamster lays on the snake and sleeps.
31:48 – A fan of the Cleveland Browns during a regular season game ran out on the field and got bodyslammed by Steelers linebacker Joey Porter. The judge could’ve jailed him for up to 30 days but only jailed him for 3 days – Feb. 3-5, with the Super Bowl being on the 5th. He’s not allowed to watch it, listen to it, etc.
1:16 – Google’s original name was Backrub. Just as UYD has changed names (previously Jesus & John), other great institutions have done the same
7:15 – A new study says that people who drink more than 7 cups of coffee a day are more likely to see ghosts. Jah thinks he might drink the equivalency of that each day, and he’s maybe seen a few ghosts.
7:59 – An administrative assistant at a church rectory in Arlington, Wash., was charged with stealing $73,000 from the church. When asked about this, she said Satan had a big part in the theft.
9:26 – Red states buy and view more online pornography than blue states do. Eight of the top 10 states that buy and view more online porn all voted for John McCain for president. Utah is #1 for their porn consumption and 60% of the state is allegedly devout Mormon.
11:12 – Earth Class Mail is a new all-digital mail service. You pick a PO Box wherever, pay a monthly fee, and this company will open all of your mail, scan and upload all of them to a computer. The client can then check their mail and click on boxes and tell the company, shred this one, recycle this one, forward this one to me in person, etc. Packages can be sent to the person’s home or PO Box or picked up at the nearest Earth Class Mail center. It starts at $11.95 a month for 50 pages of mail. Seth is uneasy about this, he doesn’t want somebody reading his love letters.
19:53 – Monsters and Aliens is a 3D movie coming out this week. Nine more movies are coming out this year. Jah doesn’t care about the 3D movies unless they make them where you don’t have to wear the goofy 3D glasses to view the movie.
21:24 – Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16), a no-frills airline, will charge you an extra fee unless you buy your ticket in person at a Spirit Airline counter at the airport.
26:03 – In Staten Island, the Community Education Council Member Salvatore Ballarino, is in hot water over an e-mail he sent to members of the council. It contained images of Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, and said, Q: Why are these two guys always smiling? A: Because they don’t know they’re black. To this he responded, “If they’re upset about something, it’s their own inner-workings. I have black people who are my friends. I have black people who sit at dinner tables with me.”
29:38 – First-year Girl Scout Wild Freeborn, 8 years old, set out to sell 12,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies so she could take her entire troup to a summer camp. She enlisted the help of her father, a web designer, and made a YouTube video of her doing a pitch, put an online order form up and got a gang of requests for cookies. A local father, a former Scout dad, alerted the troup and said it was an unfair advantage, so the troup made her take it down. Seth notes that one of the Girl Scout merit badges requires a girl to visit three websites.
37:01 – Porn.com is the second-most expensive .com name, at $9.5 million. The number one, for $9.9, is www.fund.com - mutual funds and investment portfolios. Others in the top 10: 10) Cameras.com, 9) Datarecovery.com, 8) Seniors.com, 7) Computers.com, 6) Creditcards.com, 5) Vodka.com, 4) Toys.com, 3) Diamonds.com.
40:30 – Chicago police said the 14-year-old boy who posed as a police officer in January actually did spend 2 hours behind the wheel of the squad car. Previously they had said he hadn’t driven. (Episode 152, 7:43). He also entered the police station through an unlocked back door. They admitted that in his 5 hours in uniform, he used the terminal dispatch in the patrol car, he responded to five different assignments and helped in the arrest of a suspect who violated a protection order.
42:35 – Apple released 3.0 software for its iPhone which will let you copy and paste, send and receive MMS and turn the phone sideways to view the landscape.
44:22 – Neighbors of Bob Dylan, who has a sprawling ocean-view estate in Point Dume Malibu, have contended that the nighttime sea breezes have sent an obnoxious odor across all of their properties, which has stemmed from a portable toilet that sits on Dylan’s property. For more than six months Dylan has ignored all the complaints of his neighbors to remove the outhouse. It has sickened family members and forced some to install industrial fans to block the odor.
45:30 – According to the website OddJobNation.com, there was a job called “Balloon Popper” that pays $50 per hour. There are a large group of people with the sexual fetish of watching videos of fully-clothed men popping balloons by sitting on them.
46:44 – Three different companies currently available and in business online called Death Switch, Slightly Morbid and Legacy Locker – created for gamers in the unlikely event that they pass away. You pay a monthly fee, and if you die, they will contact all your fellow gamers and notify administrators to let them know that you’ve died and not just quit the game.
51:33 – Smith & Wesson gun company is recalling a couple guns they sold from 2002-2009. Apparently the affected pistols were discovered to discharge ammunition without the trigger being pulled.
52:39 – 42-year-old Daniel Doster was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., masturbating at his mailbox on his front lawn. When arrested he said he was “letting my neighbors know who’s boss.”
0:40 – In anticipation of the new Star Trek movie coming out May 8, there are Star Trek photo booths, theme night dance parties where Orion girls will dress up in green bikinis, etc.
4:56 – Some more interesting college courses are available: At UC-Berkeley, you can take a class where you argue the logic of Judge Judy; at Wisconsin, they have “Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles”, dissecting soap operas; at UC-Irvine, “The Science of Superheroes”; at Columbia College in Chicago, “Zombies In Popular Media;” and at Center College in Kentucky, “Myth and Science Fiction,” where they analyze Star Wars, Matrix and Lord of the Rings
7:01 – Brad and Angelina might adopt a child from India. They already have 6 kids – Maddox from Cambodia, Zahara from Vietnam, Shiloh from Namibia, Pax from Vietnam, and 9-month twins born in France, Knox and Vivienne.
9:16 – A judge in Illinois has ruled that it is OK and protected under our free speech laws for a 58-year-old man to go up to parents and kids in local parks outside of Chicago and ask if he can tickle their children. Charles Douglas loves to do his “tickle monster” routine, and now he has precedent to do it full-bore.
11:44 – An 88-year-old man lost control of his luxury Jaguar sedan on Sunday afternoon in Redondo Beach, Calif., and drove it through a crowded restaurant. There were bodies strewn about the room, and it left the man shocked and confused. Police did not cite the man.
14:08 – The average age of Facebook users is slowly rising. Women over 55 are the fastest-growing demographic, and over the past two months members over the age of 35 has doubled.
19:05 – Two new talk shows are coming out: The George Lopez Show on TBS and The Wanda Sykes Show on FOX.
21:59 – An elementary school in L.A. took a field trip to the Port of Long Beach where they chartered a boat for the 20 kids to go on their first fishing trip. One of the crew members, 54-year-old Jeff Twattle, was trying to make the students laugh by putting his bait fish in his mouth. He accidentally swallowed the fish and choked to death in front of them.
23:23 – Question posed on the physicscentral.org website, “How long would you have to yell at a cup of coffee to heat it up?” Jah guesses 20 minutes, but it would take a year and a half.
29:26 – According to market research group Experion, 43% of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss. 38% are using hair styling products. 12% use adult cosmetics.
34:26 – New Line Cinema is going to make an NWA video called Straight Outta Compton, produced by Ice Cube and Dr. Dre.
35:40 – Seth talks about Michael Jackson and his kids. In 1997 he married Deborah Rowe, and they had two kids: Michael Jackson Jr. (Prince), 12, and Paris Michael Catherine Jackson, 11. They divorced a couple years later and she gave him custody of the kids. In 2002, he had Prince Michael Jackson II (Blanket), born to a surrogate mom through artificial insemination using Jacko’s sperm. The identity of the mother has never been detailed.
40:00 – Jay Leno is doing two free shows outside of Detroit for the homeless and jobless.
41:33 – US Conference of Catholic Bishops has warned Roman Catholics to shun the Eastern healing art of reiki because it lacks scientific credibility and is especially dangerous because the theory of rebalancing a universal life energy operates in the realm of superstition, and any and all healing should be given by the divine power of prayer to Christ the Lord and Savior.
43:24 – There’s been a rash of bitings at high schools across the country because of the enormous success of the movie Twilight.
44:52 – Nearly 10,000 O’Neill children’s sweatshirts made in China have been recalled because the drawstrings have the tendency to tighten up and strangle children
47:02 – There was a Save Darfur benefit concert last week in Atlanta. Tickets were $35. The band? Collective Soul.
49:30 – Veterans Affair spokesperson Katie Roberts announced this week that VA hospitals across the country might have exposed veterans to several infectious diseases by government clinics that performed colonoscopies with equipment that wasn’t properly sterilized.
50:14 – Lindsey Lohan has a line of self tanner called Sevin Nyne Tanning Mist that comes out Wednesday, April 15. It’s a play on her favorite numbers.
51:00 – CBS Morning Show had a boy named Liam Hoekstra, 3, from Michigan. “Super Kid.” He has a rare condition called Myostatin-Related Muscle Hypertrophy which gives him extreme muscularity. He’s ripped.
52:22 – April 15 is the 17th birthday of Richard Sandrak, Little Hercules
0:38 – A federal judge has ordered the USDA to allow 17-year-olds to buy the emergency contraceptive pill, Plan B, aka the “Morning-After Pill.”
1:12 – Steven Talliver, the 49-year-old homeless man who forced his way into Jamie Foxx’s hotel room in Philadelphia, has been declared incompetent to stand trial after being deemed by a psychiatrist to be “actively psychotic.”
2:47 – The Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles turned down a request from a 36-year-old vegan mother to display her total love of all things tofu on her new license plate. Kelly Kaufmann-Lee submitted the license plate ILVTOFU, but the plate request was denied in fear that the letters will be misconstrued to “I Love To F U.”
7:11 – In a Gallup poll, 76% of respondents say they still bend down to pick a penny up off the sidewalk if they see it. Jah says you should only pick up coins that are head’s-up
8:52 – PETA has sent a letter to the musical group, The Pet Shop Boys, asking them to change their name to The Rescue Shelter Boys, in hopes of discouraging people from getting their pets from pet stores.
14:57 – According to TotalBeauty.com, the top 5 cities with the worst hair in the country are: 5) Phoenix, Ariz., 4) Las Vegas, Nev., 3) Pittsburgh, Pa., 2) Olympia, Wash., and 1) Corpus Christi, TX.
17:38 – The U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention tested several different powdered baby formulas on the market and found that they contain trace amounts of a toxic chemical found in rocket fuel.
20:29 – According to a recent study, 44% of teenage boys have seen at least one nude photo of a female classmate, either on a social networking site or on their cell phone
35:43 – The May/June 2009 issue of Where To Retire magazine says that retiring in North Carolina is the way to go
41:41 – Two restaurants in New York have come under fire from community activists for their name. One place in Brooklyn is called Obama Fried Chicken and another place in Harlem is called Obama Fried Chicken and Pizza
46:48 – A paper in the American Journal of Human Genetics says researchers at the University of Iowa may have developed a birth control pill for men. The pill would slow down male sperm to a rate that would not allow it to forcefully penetrate an egg
58:35 – According to CareerBuilder.com, 1 in 5 workers are late to work at least once a week. Several hiring managers offered some excuses they’ve heard at the workplace: My heat was shut off so I had to stay home and keep my snake warm; my husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before I go to work every day; I was locked in my trunk by my son; I always just feel like I’m in everyone’s way when I show up on time; my left turn signal is broken so I had to make right turns to get to work; my driveway washed away in the rain; I walked into a spiderweb and I couldn’t find the spider so I had to walk back in and shower.
1:00:37 – More details about the National Science Foundation’s pornography problem have come out. Several high-ranking employees at the agency were found to be spending up to 20% of their workdays looking at porn. One of the officials had spent over $40,000 on a credit card on pornography. He also sent an e-mail that said, I am trying to learn how to use the cam-to-cam capability on your Asianbabes.com site. I don’t seem to be able to do that.
3:22 – Carlie Christine, 20, was fired as cheerleading coach in at Casa Robles HS in Orangevale, Calif., after cheerleaders who had been cut from the team due to many unexcused absences alerted the school and the principal that Carlie had posed nude for Playboy.com and was featured as their “Cyber Girl of the Week” during the second week of February.
8:18 – Two 11-year-old fifth-grade boys were taken into custody in Salt Lake City. They typed the word “Lesbian” into a search engine at the school library and were able to pull up pictures that somehow were not blocked by the school’s internet filter. They showed the photos to nine other boys and they have been charged with dealing material harmful to a minor.
14:18 – According to a new public health study, 8,550 American preschoolers (20% of 4-year-olds) were classified as obese
16:07 – The California Franchise Tax Board claims that Sinbad, listed as Sinbad Adkins of Oak Park, Ill., owes the state $2.5 million in taxes dating back to 2001.
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
44:30 – This e-mail was accidentally sent out to 28,000 students who were not accepted to UCSD: We’re thrilled you’ve been admitted to UC-San Diego and we’re showcasing our beautiful campus on Admit Day.
48:22 – In these tough economic times, the beginning of 2009 has seen an increase in both condoms and female contraceptives because people are staying at home and boning down.
49:52 – At Univ-Con, a paranormal conference that happens every year, Christopher Moon, the senior editor of a magazine called Haunted Times, was conducting at $90 apiece, telephone conversations to the dead. Frank’s Box, named after its inventor Frank Sumption, “consists of a random voltage generator which is used to tune an AM receiver. The AM receiver module gives off the raw audio and it is amplified and fed into an echo chamber, where ‘spirits’ manipulate it to form their voices. A spirit technician is then employed to decipher the various noises and fragments that are barely coherent and audible. He/she decodes this and speaks the words of the dead person you’ve contacted.”
0:35 – Econocide is the term for suicide due to people being deeply affected by the tough economic times
6:59 – Gospel mime is red hot. It’s taking traditional mime and traditional gospel and fusing them together to create a new genre of religious experience.
13:49 – A design team from NC State University has spent 3 years up till now designing a hospital gown that would not leave the buttocks exposed. They hope to have the product available to market in about 2 years.
14:37 – R&D Kitchen – Houston’s lab restaurants. They use a note system where it’s team waiting – everyone is your waiter. They write down the last thing they’ve done and the other waiters update it. There are communal bathrooms with 12 sinks at jaunty angles and 12 stalls. Jah went in at the same time as a girl and they were looking at each other as they washed off.
23:38 – Prince is putting out a coffee table book called “21 Nights: The Prince Opus.” There are only 950 available. The limited edition book is 280 pages of lyrics, poetry and photographs printed on superior silk-grade paper. It’s leather bound in a purple velvet box and will sell for just under $2,500. It comes with an engraved iPod with his live album Indigo on it, a 40-minute documentary. One lucky buyer will win a ticket to California for a free private show.
30:31 – A new report just published in the American Journal of Sports Medicine says that break dancers suffer a high rate of injury and may fail to give themselves proper time to heal before dancing again.
32:17 – A 17-year-old in Pennsylvania is accused of pulling out his junk in the middle of high school English class and animatedly masturbating while calling out the names of the students in class.
37:04 – Agents this week raided several locations in two different counties of a Neo-Nazi organization called “The Inland Empire Skinheads.” They’re a new and violent domestic terrorist group that recruits and teens and adults on Craig’s List. Seven people were arrested. Guns and drugs were also seized. Officers found a maternity ward in one of the facilities where pregnant women were supposed to give birth on Hitler’s birthday (April 20). Two of them did.
50:37 – Ashton Kutcher (the guy from the Nikon Coolpix commercials) became the first person to amass 1 million followers on Twitter last week
1:00:20 – Remo Spencer stole 8 laptops and 7 iPods from a Wal-Mart he worked at in Great Falls, Montana, then posted the items for sale on the employee bulletin board in the store breakroom.
1:57 – According to the National Catholic Reporter, the founder of a religious order that treats Roman Catholic priests who molest children concluded in the 1950s that the sex offenders were highly unlikely to change, and should not be returned to any ministry. The Rev. Gerald Fitzgerald, founder of the Servants of the Paracles, was so sure of the priests’ inability to control themselves that he tried to buy an island and isolate them from any children.
3:12 – William Fell, 61, worked for the Alexandria Department of Transportation for 17 years. According to police, Fell spent the last year going to work at 3 a.m., well before his shift began, emptying all the coin canisters from the parking meters all over the city. He would fill up personal bags with nickels, dimes and quarters and at his house he had roughly $177,000 stashed.
8:23 – Lilith Fair is coming back in 2010.
9:57 – Article in Newsweek tells of two unmarried single parents who met on Second Life. They’re basically married to each other even though they’re geographically separated. They wear headphones to bed so they can hear each other breathing through Skype.
19:02 – Tupac Shakur was seen at a bar in New Orleans drinking. TMZ has photos of it.
20:51 – Overland Park, Kan. – doorbell rings, Kim Mertin opens the door and there’s a U.S. Census worker on her porch with a clipboard. He asks how many people live there, he comments on her blouse, and asks her if she wants a backrub. He asks her if she was wearing pink panties, and she calls the police and tells them he was playing with himself while standing on the porch. It turns out he really was a census worker.
22:15 – Creed is getting back together. Jah recalls Scott Stapp getting involved with a prostitute scandal with Kid Rock (Episode 003, 44:37). Stapp calls the reunion a “rebirth.” Jah says he’ll go to it.
25:06 – Desperate for new revenue streams, auctioneers in several states have begun auctioning off grocery store items, unloading either too-dented or too-close-to-their-expiration-date foods to be sold in stores.
27:44 – A study presented at the annual meeting of experimental biology last week in New Orleans done by researchers at Baylor College of Medicine took 108 students ages 13-16. They gave half the students sugar-free gum to chew, and the other half no gum. The students who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math scores. They also seemed to require fewer breaks, could sustain attention longer and remained quieter. The study was sponsored and paid for by the Wrigley Science Institute.
29:08 – 155,000 Philips Senseo Coffeemakers, made in China and sold nationwide, have been recalled because they have faulty electrical systems and they cause a calcium buildup from the water and burst open and splash hot coffee in your face.
30:31 – This Tuesday, make it a girls’ night in with Bride Wars.
30:53 – Seth has an obituary for Chuck Dimmick, 50, of Arizona. He was the director of marketing for Lund Cadillac Group. He passed away suddenly while attending a NASCAR race to watch his favorite driver, Jeff Gordon. In the obit: “We are sure he would still want you to know that 0.9% financing is still available on all new 2008 Hummer H2s.”
31:45 – Another interesting obit: Jack Lorkie, 85, just passed away. He went to WW2 at age 19. On four different occasions, soldiers died on both sides of him. When he got discharged they called him “Lucky.” He was waiting to get on the military plane to come back to the U.S., gets bumped off for a senior military official and then the plane crashes and kills everyone on board. He goes to a minor league baseball team, they’re on the road eating lunch and he gets a call saying he got called up and needs to catch a ride back to Spokane, Wash., for the game. He says goodbye to the team, hitchhikes and takes a bus there, then the bus crashes and kills everyone after he gets off.
33:52 – The guy who designed the Twitter bird logo got paid $6. It was chosen using a term Wired magazine called “crowdsourcing,” a casting call for graphic designers to create a logo. The woman who designed the Nike swoosh got paid $35.
35:06 – The Department of Transportation in Delaware is under fire for a diversity spotlight newsletter they let out to 2,600 workers. A section was called “The N-Word” but spelled it out and said it was never good to use the word. In another section titled “Comments You Would Never Want to Make to a Co-Worker,” in reference to LGBTs it said, “Hey, (homophobic slur), have you ever thought about getting help?” To Asian co-workers, “You must be the new I.T. guy.” To other African American co-workers, “Should we order fried chicken and watermelon for you?” To elderly co-workers, “You know Wal-mart is hiring.” To Hispanic and Latino co-workers, “Could you help me with my landscaping?” A spokesman for the DDOT said, “Is it in-your-face? Absolutely. It’s bold. Yeah it is.”
39:45 – There was a recall of HydroxyCut
40:25 – Ed Hardy has released a line of wine. Jah says he’s released a line of life. He has teamed up with a dentist to do toothbrushes, dental floss and mouthwash.
41:56 – The American Association of Wine Economists held a blind taste test with 18 volunteers. Five foods were sampled – duck liver mousse, pork liver paté, pureed liverwurst, Spam and Newman’s Own Dog Food. Only 3 people identified the dog food. Four people thought the Spam was dog food.
43:29 – Environmental Protection Agency, with the help from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), held the first National Bed Bug Summit to address the alarming increase of bed bug infestation. Entymologists from the University of Kentucky said, “In my opinion, we’re not going to get out of this thing until we allow the pest control industry to go to war.”
45:01 – A school bus driver in Charleston, W.V., is in trouble for allowing a man to board the bus in the parking lot of the school and hit a 14-year-old who was on it. 25-year-old Joshua Sean Beaver claims that a group of students were flashing him the middle finger in traffic in a residential area. He followed them 15 minutes, gets on the bus, points at one student, walks to the back, knocking kids out of the way, hits the kid in the back of the head and says “Remember my name now. It’s Josh Beaver.”
46:48 – Now that John Madden retired, what is Frank Caliendo going to do?
47:42 – A woman named Lorane Wasserman owns a fragrance business in Torrance called Escential Resources. She provides scents for companies and attractions, such as Fear Fest, The Halls of Terror, and Extreme Fear Haunted Attractions. Some of her signature perfectly recreated scents are Raw Sewage, Stinky Cheese, Decay, Compost, Dead Rat. Her quote: “It may smell ugly, but the sweet smell of money is what counts.”
49:02 – A telephone survey conducted by the Opinion Research Group had a breakdown of responses to the question, “If your house were burning down, and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?” 50% said photo album, 20% said money, 13% said laptops, 7% said pets, 2% said jewelry. Jah thinks the answers are bogus and wants the Wrigley Science Institute to redo the survey.
2:57 – The Washington Capitals hockey team keep a section on their website where they profile the Ice Girls cheerleaders. Sarah went to George Mason, her hobbies are spending time with family and friends, her favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean and her favorite book is Facebook.
3:51 – Seth asks Jonathan to explain to him the Coneheads. Seth says if he had to make a short list of people he finds unbearably not funny, Dan Aykroyd would make that list. Another actor who would make that list is Chevy Chase.
7:37 – According to the Journal of Animal Behavior, male monarch butterflies are such calculating inseminators that they can decide the optimal level of sperm necessary for a reproductive advantage. While injecting the fluid, the butterfly penis also acts as a kind of dipstick, checking the quantity of residual sperm already present from previous male suitors, and thus can always inject more sperm than the previous butterfly did.
9:33 – Chuck Trainer was married to Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat fame from 1971-1974, then he married Marilyn Chambers of Behind the Green Door from 1975-1985.
26:01 – The Mad Pride Movement is referenced in Newsweek – a grassroots collective of people who have been diagnosed with some sort of mental health instability, but look at the extreme mental states as “dangerous gifts” and make the conscious decision to avoid taking any medications. Seth cautions everyone to stay out of Toronto July 13-19 because it’s Mad Pride Week.
29:50 – Two dances have recently come out of Dallas, Texas – The Ricky Bobby and The Stanky Leg.
33:10 – The Better Business Bureau is warning Americans to not buy magazine subscriptions from door-to-door salesmen this summer
35:33 – Nicolas Cage likes to buy a lot of property. In 2005 he sold a house in Malibu for $10 million. He sold a waterfront home in Newport Beach, Calif., last year for $30 million. He just sold a 28-room castle in Germany last month for $2.5 million. He’s selling a private island in the Bahamas he owns for $7 million. He bought an enormous country manor overlooking the ocean in Rhode Island a couple years ago for $17 million. He has a home in a gated community in Las Vegas he’s selling. He has a tudor mansion in Bel-Air he put on the market for $30 million and he brought it down to $20 million to get rid of it. He has 2 houses in New Orleans; one is Anne Rice’s house, the most haunted house in New Orleans ($3.5 million), and he has another house in New Orleans he’s selling for $3.5 million. He still owns a home in the Bahamas, a house in San Francisco, a 4-story townhouse in Bath, England, an 18th century castle in Somerset, England, a beachfront home in Hawaii, a castle in Scotland, two apartments on Fifth Avenue in New York City and he owns a loft at the Biscuit in downtown L.A.
38:17 – Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People broke down entertainers, thinkers, etc. They brought in Ashton Kutcher to write about another celeb: “Years from now, when historians reflect on the time we are currently living in, the names Biz Stone and Evan Williams (the founders of Twitter) will be referenced side-by-side with the likes of Samuel Morse, Alexander Graham Bell, Guglielmo Marconi, Philo Farnsworth, and Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, because the creation of Twitter is as significant as the invention of all of those things.”
42:52 – Brenda Bailey, 59, of Charleston, W.V., has won the West Virginia Lottery Instant Game five times since last September. In September 2008 she won $10,000, in January 2009 she won $6,000, in March 2009 she won $1,000, in April 2009 she won $50,000, in May 2009 she just won her biggest, $100,000.
43:58 – Jah bring up the police-impersonating guy (Episode 152, 7:43) from Chicago, and gives a little update on the 15-year-old kid: his latest escapade involved throwing a suit on, going to a car dealership in Chicago and talked to the dealer about buying a used car with cash for around $3,000. The guy showed him a 1990 Lexus, and the 15-year-old drove off with the car. Three hours later he cuts off an undercover cop, who was one of the cops who had to testify months ago why the kid was dressed up like a cop. It turned into a foot chase, and at one point a woman had her baby stroller stolen by this kid who was walking down the street pretending to be a dad and telling police “he went that way.” The kid was eventually tackled and arrested, and they couldn’t believe it was this kid.
47:02 – Sugar Ray is reuniting, and they have a new album coming out called Music for Cougars. It releases July 21, plus a summer tour.
51:04 – The University of Wisconsin – Madison will offer “therapy dogs” on campus for stressed-out students on finals week.
54:07 – According to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), there has been a high-tech shift in American culture. Accelerated by the current economic downturn, the number of U.S. households opting for only cell phones has for the first time surpassed those who just have traditional landlines. Jah wonders why the CDC is conducting this study.
54:59 – PETA is upset with Google for using a herd of goats to “mow” its lawn instead of lawnmowers at its Mountain View, Calif. headquarters. Google wanted to be green and take a low-carbon interesting approach to lawn care, but PETA is concerned the goats did not have enough water or shelter or could be upset during their transportation.
2:20 – A rent party is where people who are having trouble coming up with their rent host a party where they charge people a few bucks to come in.
3:10 – NASA is having to deal with Chinese space junk from space missions launched by the country in 2007. Pieces of debris have been going by Space Shuttle Atlantis.
5:18 – The next step in the ever-evolving work-life culture balance is work time with leisure type hybrided into it. “Weisure” allows people to dip in and go back out of their work lives.
6:59 – T-Pain and his wife Amber just had a baby boy to be named later. His older siblings are named Musiq and Lyriq.
7:38 – Top baby names from 2008 just released by the Social Security Administration. After a 12-year reign as the most popular girls’ baby name, Emily has slipped to third and has been usurped by Emma. For the 10th year in a row, the top boys’ name is Jacob. “Obama” jumped from 12,535 to 2,409. For girls, “Khloe” jumped from 665 to 196, probably because of Khloe Kardashian. For boys, “Jacoby” went from 623 to 423, probably because of Boston Red Sox player Jacoby Ellsbury. Some other top names for boys: 70) Brody, 98) Colton, 128) Seth, 200) Johnathan … Camden, Mateo make the list, as well as 297) Amir, 375) Larry … Phoenix, Titus make the list, as well as 500) Cale, 563) Boston, 707) Freddie, 713) Elvis, 714) Ace, 801) Bruno, 861) Blaze, 926) Trip, 951) Chazz, 990 Cortez. … Some names on the girls’ list: 116) Rylee, 209) Delancey, 321) Teegan, 449) Diamond, 478) Perla, 503) America, 512) Justice, 594) Journey, 621) Liberty, 665) Finley, 666) Kinley, 700) Aspen, 713) Judith, 755) Armani, 771) Patience, 791) Precious, 846) Ryann, 893) Deja, 929) Princess, 964) Dixie.
13:25 – A human rights organization based in New York has demanded that the sale of a Japanese video game be banned from purchasing by Amazon or through direct purchase. The theme of the game contains, Roricon, or Lolita complex. In the game, players rape young girls and force them to get abortions.
31:28 – 35,000 Wagner paint sprayers manufactured in China sold for $99 at major chain, home and hardware stores across the country, have been recalled because the On/Off switch can fall off and exposes the internal connections and can cause a very high risk of shock.
40:42 – The National Institute of Health have given $400,000 in taxpayer money in the form of a grant to the New York Psychiatric Institute, who are to conduct a 2-year study in which researchers will pose as homosexuals and cruise six popular gay bars in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. They hope their findings will be applicable to the United States.
54:42 – Ben Harper and David Arquette have a new clothing line called Propr. It includes a short-sleeved plaid button-down for $158 and chino shorts for $135.
58:31 – A headline from an edition of The Washington Post dated Sept. 1, 1926, “The Ku Klux Klan will play the local Hebrew All-Star Nines and provide local sandlot baseball fans with action this Labor Day, when they clash on the Arlington Horse Show Grounds diamond at 3 o’clock.”
1:04:51 – Texas has an enormous fire ant problem. They cost the state hundreds of millions of dollars by getting into circuit breakers and other electrical equipment. Researchers at Texas A&M are releasing the fire ant’s natural predator, the phorid fly, into their environment. The fly will lay its eggs on the body of the fireant; the eggs will then hatch into phorid fly maggots, which will then burrow inside the fire ant’s head and eat its brain. This does not kill the fire ant immediately; the ant’s brain does not control its ability to walk, so zombie-esque fire ants continue to walk around for almost a month until the maggots finally hatch into full-blown flies and the head of the ant falls off. The fly crawls out and lives its life, attempting to find more fire ants.
2:49 – Police across the country are reporting an increase in the number of flowers being stolen from cemeteries and being resold on streets and intersections.
4:23 – The passengers of Flight #1549 that Sully Sullenberger landed into the Hudson have received luggage that was mailed to them after it was recovered from the water. One dude received a newspaper from that day, another had bought birthday boots for her daughter and one received a black-and-white photo of her father from the 1930s. Seth talks about a depot in Steamboat Springs, Colo., that resells lost luggage for bargain prices.
7:21 – Washington, D.C., is host to the National Bible Bee on Nov. 5-6. There will be tournaments held across the country leading up to this.
14:41 – A registered sex offender in Salt Lake City, Utah known as “Diaper Boy” was arrested for the fifth time this week for showing the diaper he wears to kids in the area. Along with the diaper, he also has snapshots of him wearing the diaper, along with downloaded photos of other fully grown men in their diapers. Despite a long history of doing this, prosecutors have had a very hard time filing criminal charges because he does not expose his genitals.
16:56 – Playboy.com features an ad that is a spinoff of “Two Girls One Cup” called “Two Girls One Sub”
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thai Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
30:39 – Seth tells us about Mrs. Buttersworth, who made her TV debut in 1961, but her first name has always been a secret. It’s been passed down over the years from manager to manager at Pinnacle Foods Group, the maker of Mrs. Buttersworth syrup. The website is running a contest to guess her name. Submit your entry by July 17, guess her name and give an explanation in 100 words or less. The winner will be featured on the website, receive $500 in cash and a year’s supply of the syrup.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
37:45 – 66-year-old Robert John Ward of Spotsylvania, Va. (Episode 003, 24:23), was accused by a relative for acting inappropriately with the family dog. The dog had been acting strangely for weeks, and when the family confronted him in an intervention-like setting, he admitted to “fooling around with the dog” when no one was home. Apparently he jerked the dog off, he fucked the dog’s butt and the dog blew him.
42:14 – In Utah, they finally passed a law that gives you clearance to go to a bar and get a drink. Previously, bartenders couldn’t hand a drink to the patron without first walking around the “Zion Curtain,” a glass partition that separates the bartender from the patrons and waitresses. He has to make the drinks in a back room so they can’t see him make them.
47:54 – Consumer Reports has linked a skin rash from leather couches directly back to the manufacturing plant in China. The dyes and preservatives contained in the couches that have been discovered in Ohio are extremely harmful to human skin.
50:51 – A new hot trend is called “lighter tag.” Reports from Seattle say people are playing the game, a form of tag where participants cover themselves in lighter fluid. Tagging someone is in essence lighting that person on fire. Once they roll around and scream and the flames are extinguished, the burnt victim has the opportunity to tag someone else. Jah thinks the way to make the game crazier and better is to extinguish the person who tagged them (paying it backward) before you can continue).
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
54:42 – The total sum of all the world’s digital content has reached 500 billion gigabytes – the equivalent of a stack of books filled with endless information starting on the floor and extending to the planet Pluto, multiplied by 10. It will double in the next year and a half.
1:01:38 – Jah reads something from Ray Kurzweil, who owns a company that sells keyboards and synthesizers: He believes computer intelligence is advancing so rapidly that in a couple of decades machines will be as intelligent as humans. Soon after that they will surpass humans and start creating even smarter technology. By the middle of this century, the only way for us to keep up will be to merge with the machines, so that their superior intelligence can boost our weak little brains and beef up our pitiful illness-prone bodies. Some of Kurzweil’s fellow futurists believe these super-human computers will want nothing to do with us – that we will become either their pets or their food. Always an optimist, Kurzweil takes more of an upbeat view. He swears these super-human computers will love us and honor us, since we will be their ancestors. He also thinks we will be able to embed our consciousness in silicone, which means we can live on inside of machines forever.
3:58 – In Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia—all states that have banned smiling on license photos—there’s new high-tech software that is having issues matching separate photos if facial expressions differ. It is supposed to help identity theft. The DMV has asked in these states that people keep the pictures “dull.”
8:11 – Ben & Jerry’s has a new flavor – The Barenaked Ladies’ “If I Had A Million Flavors” – features chocolate and vanilla ice cream, chocolate-covered toffee, white chocolate chunks, peanut butter cups and chocolate-covered almonds.
14:49 – A transient was found in Mount Olympus (a gated area in Hollywood) this weekend and charged with starting a fire that charred 5 acres of land and took more than 100 firefighters to extinguish. It did not destroy any homes, however the following day, a resident in the area saw the man that matched the description. He detained the dude, and when the cops got there he claimed he was Prometheus—a figure in Greek mythology known for stealing fire from the god Zeus and giving it to the humans.
26:19 – Kanye West has a new book called Thank You and You’re Welcome, even though he has said “I’m not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.” The book is 52 pages long and some of the pages are totally blank. Other pages have words called “Kanye-isms.” Says West, “While traveling the world random thoughts would come to me. Very poignant quotes.” One of the quotes is “I hate the word ‘hate.’”
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
40:10 – Danger Mouse and Sparkle Horse were supposed to put out a record this summer. Due to an ongoing dispute with the label, EMI, the album is not going to be released because of various label-oriented issues. They’re disappointed in this, and plan to release a fully-illustrated artwork-done jewel case. Within the jewel case will be a blank CDR, which will be labeled, “For legal reasons, enclosed is a CDR. It contains no music. Use it as you will.”
48:43 – Gillette has put up some instructional videos on better shaving. One is called “Go further for body shaving,” which states that “When there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.”
52:42 – When the Bureau of Prisons transfers mid- to low-level prisoners to a halfway house or another facility to house inmates, they buy them tickets and let them travel alone on Greyhound buses because it’s more cost-effective. In the last three years, 180 inmates have skipped out on their transfer.
54:58 – A new documentary about teenage girls in the U.S. claims that oral sex is the new good-night kiss.
1:01:28 – Vans made a breakdancing shoe specifically for breakers. If Seth had these shoes he might actually do the moonwalk on camera to make up for when he bitched out in Episode 100.
2:34 – Friday, June 12 – analog to digital. From the time they announced the switch to digital (Episode 048, 15:08), anyone that hadn’t done it yet has since passed away.
7:27 – A guy gets on Twitter and tells everyone how him and his family are on vacation, so someone reads it and goes to his house and steals all his shit.
14:00 – A judge in California has dismissed a lawsuit brought by a woman who stated that she bought Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries because she actually thought the cereal featured real fruit berries. Her name is Janine Sugawara. She also claims she was misled by the box cover because it features the Cap’n thrusting a spoonful of berries in her face.
16:18 – At a recent Technology Entertainment and Design (TED) Conference, a speaker showed a sonogram that showed an example of an in utero masturbation taking place. The Journal of Ultrasound and Medicine released a photo of a baby with its hand hovering over the penis, and then an in-motion footage of the fetus jerking off.
18:58 – A courtside seat to Game 2 of the NBA Finals this week at the Staples Center is on StubHub.com for $55,000. Jah says that’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard in his life.
21:12 – The Nielsen Company announces they are ending the publication Radio and Records
22:30 – Microsoft has a search engine called Bing which they’re hoping will replace Google. The search engine features automatic video preview playing when you scroll your mouse over a link, and tech reviewers basically said it was its own porn site.
23:57 – At the E3 Conference in Los Angeles, Microsoft unveiled their Project Natal, which is basically Wii motion sensor technology without any handheld controls.
25:37 – New Wikipedia/Google – Wolfram|Alpha. Seth thinks it sounds like an Iraqi War operation (Episode 077, 15:56). It’s a computational knowledge engine, the first step in an ambitious long-term project to make all systematic knowledge immediately computable by anyone. You enter your question or calculation and Wolfram|Alpha uses its own built-in algorithms and growing collection of data to compute the answer based on a new kind of knowledge-based computer. Breaking this down in layman’s terms, Jah explains that the concept is Shazam (the song recognizing iPhone app) wrapped over the entire internet.
40:04 – Sunday, June 21 is Father’s Day and the first day of summer. The National Retail Federation expects spending on dad to be down again this year. Last year the average was $94.54, and this year the average is expected to be $90.89 (Episode 120, 12:10, and Episode 013, 41:21).
42:13 – Kids love to hug each other, according to a front page New York Times article. One theory is that play dates were big and novel when J-dawg’s brother, Ben (now 22), was growing up, and it was a huggy time. Jah’s theory is that there is something on a deeper psychological level that has to do with the antithesis of all the other stuff going on in their lives (technological prowess, not being in control), and they look to one another and move toward each other and bracing for what’s going on.
48:10 – The Grandview Topless Coffee Shop (Episode 156, 24:33) burned down this week, thanks to an arsonist.
51:34 – Over 1,000 distinct species of bacteria live on the human skin at any given time. The part of the body with the most bacteria (44 different kinds) is the forearm (Episode 051, 24:28).
58:35 – Police have arrested a U.S. Marine Corps recruiter for using a 14-year-old girl to have sex with potential military recruits. 33-year-old staff sergeant Brian Damone Cunningham enticed the girl from her home after he meter her online. Police found her in a car after having sex with Cunningham and two potential recruits.
1:01:24 – Pearl Jam’s newest album, Backspacer, comes out Sept. 11 and will be sold exclusively at Target.
1:11 – The Washington Nationals set off a pyrotechnic display at a game last weekend and all the debris from the fireworks fell into the stands and landed on the body of the Washington D.C. fire chief.
1:45 – The Dallas Cowboys have a $1.15 billion stadium that opened this week with a George Strait concert that 60,000 people attended. There was only 1 DWI arrest, 53-year-old Jack Hill, who was in charge of the construction of the entire facility and is the general manager of the facility.
5:37 – We have made the switch from analog to digital TV at midnight.
8:32 – The FDA has warned consumers to check the labels on their hand sanitizers. A company called Clarcon is producing sanitizers that contain high levels of disease-causing bacteria. The FDA says to not lather your hands with this or put it in any open wounds.
10:13 – The WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury is going to replace their team name on their uniforms with the name of their new corporate sponsor, Lifelock. This is the first time it has happened in major American sports teams. The NFL has approved that teams can carry corporate sponsors on their practice jerseys. The Houston Texans have been contacted by an HD porn company called Zero Tolerance.
12:01 – An update on Project Natal (Episode 170, 23:57) – it has a problem detecting darker skinned people. Melanin seems to directly affect the signal from the software.
15:22 – PETA releases its most veg-friendly Major League ballparks, and No. 1 is Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. They feature southwestern black bean burgers, mock crabcake salads, veggie Philly cheesesteaks, veggie dogs, faux chicken sandwiches. Fenway Park has some vegetarian offerings – peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks and soft pretzels.
17:52 – Former model Russell Christoff has won $15.6 million in a settlement from a jury in his case against Taster’s Choice coffee. In 1986 he posed for Nestlé, and was paid $250 for a day shoot. He signed a contract that said that any use of the photographs for commercial uses would be negotiated. In 2002, while standing in a Home Depot, a woman is in line with him and tells him he looks like the guy on the coffee jar. Two months later he’s shopping at a Rite-Aid pharmacy, and sees his face on a Taster’s Choice can. Taster’s Choice has been doing it since 1998, and Christoff sues them. The proceedings get bogged down for a bit, he wins the money, an appeals court has reversed the decision, and now he is back in court trying to re-reverse the reversal.
21:36 – July 3, 1995, cover of Time magazine featured the title “Cyber Porn,” with a picture of a scared kid lit up by the glowing orb of an old CRT monitor. “Exclusive: A new study shows how pervasive and how wild it really is. Can we protect our kids and free speech?”
33:10 – The American Veterinary Medical Association is holding their annual convention next month in Seattle, Wash. They opened the first day of the convention with some Pike Place Fish Market throwers. PETA complained and said it would be cruel if it was dead kittens being thrown. The AVMA is now considering rubber fish.
40:36 – The Smiths, a Missouri family, sent out Christmas cards. A friend of theirs was vacationing in Prague and saw their picture in the window of a food speciality shop’s delivery service. The store owner found it on the internet, blew it up and used it as an ad.
42:00 – Geekology.com ranks the “Best Yahoo Answers.” Some of the questions: “Why are there school?” … “How come when I talk to girls on Facebook they don’t answer me back?” … “Ping pong ball stuck in my vagina. Please help me get it out. No, I’m not posting pics. I was trying to practice a cool trick for my man and it got stuck there and it’s too slimy to pull out. I don’t want to go to the E.R. or doctor cuz I gots no insurance.” … “I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?” Jah wonders if there are people who are really that stupid and if they have the capacity to not be that stupid.
48:00 – BestBuytruestories.com – Think they’re actors? Not a chance. 30-second videos on the Best Buy website of employees passing the cheer in their own way.
53:53 – Daniel James Murray, 36, is in custody for menacing President Obama. While he was depositing money in a bank, he asked “Is the bank solvent? With all the mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I’m sure if citizens happen to lose all their money, they’re going to rise up and we could see killing and deaths.” On information they needed on a form, he filled out MESSENGER OF GOD under occupation. After they took him into custody, he said “we are on a mission to kill the President of the United States. … I’ve traveled thousands of miles to be here, and I know things that are going to happen. We are 94 million miles from the sun. The banking system will fail and people will die. There will be chaos in the world.”
1:01:37 – In a slow, deep creepy voice, Jah reads the following: A pair of pioneering astronomers revealed Tuesday how they used a supercomputer to show how a nearby black bole is vastly more massive than scientists ever imagined. The black hole at the heart of the relatively close Messier 87 Galaxy (M87) weighs in at 6.4 billion times the mass of our Sun, according to US astrophysicist Karl Gebhardt and Germany's Jens Thomas, who say it's the largest ever measured with a reliable technique. One of the more enigmatic features of astronomy, a black hole is a region in space that is inferred by tracking stars that orbit it. Objects fall into its stupendous gravitational field but nothing, not even light, can return. Gebhardt and Thomas' revelation, they say, sheds light on how galaxies grow, and may solve the paradox of quasars - active black holes guzzling matter in distant galaxies that scientists are struggling to understand. Addressing the American Astronomical Society conference in Pasadena, California, the stargazers described how they employed the gargantuan computing power of the Lonestar system, also known as the huge "Texas Advanced Computing Center" at the University of Texas. The Lonestar has 5,840 processing cores and can perform 62 trillion "floating-point operations" per second. For comparison, the most state-of-the-art laptop computer has only two processing cores and performs only 10 billion such operations per second. Gebhardt and Thomas's study, to be published later this year in the Astrophysical Journal, aims to clock the mass of Galaxy M87's central black hole by also modeling the galaxy's "dark halo," a phenomenon that extends past a galaxy's visible structure and contains the ethereal but weighty dark matter. "In the past, we have always considered the dark halo to be significant, but we did not have the computing resources to explore it as well," said Gebhardt as he lauded the supercomputer's ability. Such a conclusion would fundamentally change consideration of the physical laws of space, as scientists examine black holes and probe how galaxies grow.
1:07 – In Arizona, when you get a license, you don’t have to renew it until you’re 65 years old
6:19 – The FDA has announced that consumers should immediately stop taking all forms of Zicam cold remedy nasal products. For many way this is a way to get zinc in your system without taking zinc losenges, but apparently spraying the zinc right in your brain can cause anosmia, or the loss of the sense of smell. Jonathan has Zicam sitting in his cupboard right now.
9:56 – Colin Firth will get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2010. Seth has no idea who Colin Firth is.
11:02 – Facebook users have doubled from last year. This year they’ve overtaken Myspace, which has lost 5% of its users. It is the No. 1 U.S. social networking site. Facebook has 70.28 million users; Myspace has 70.26 million; Twitter has 17.6 million – an increase of 2,700% from last year. Jah doesn’t think Twitter should be considered a social networking site, and he will not use it as a way of keeping in touch with people who listen to this show.
13:47 – Sean Combs uses Twitter, and on it had the quote, “When I close my eyes, I see God.”
20:08 – The secret ingredients to the new line of grilled chicken at KFC introduced in April is beef powder and rendered beef fat.
23:29 – Detroit is on some shaky ground right now. The population of the city is hovering around 900,000. There are currently no major grocery store chains in the entire city. There are only 4 Starbucks in the entire city. There may be some light at the end of the tunnel, because young people have begun moving there with the average home price at less than $12,000.
35:37 – A staff person for the Tennessee Republican Sen. Diane Black sent an e-mail out that showed portraits of all 44 U.S. presidents. The final box of President Obama just shows a black box with two wide-open white scared-looking eyes.
38:59 – New Sensations, an adult film production company, has a new film coming out – Seinfeld: A XXX Parody available June 29, 2009. “See the gang like you’ve never seen them before.” They’ve made a couple other parodies, spoofing Scrubs and The Office. James Deen, 2009 AVN Male Performer of the Year, portrays Jerry Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Krasinski in all three spoofs.
45:07 – President Obama was doing an interview at the White House on CNBC and a fly kept flying in front of him. Obama judo chops the fly out of the air and kills it, so PETA sends Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.
48:21 – MTV’s Top Graduation Milestones for 2009: 5) Gay Marriage, 4) Twitter, 3) Twilight, 2) Lady Gaga, 1) Barack Obama.
52:44 – Trip Advisor has listed their World’s Top 5 Germiest Attractions: 5) Handprints and Footprints outside the Hollywood Grauman’s Chinese Theatre; 4) St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy – pigeon shit; 3) Oscar Wilde’s tomb in Paris, France – lipstick prints; 2) the Wall of Gum in Seattle, Wash.; and 1) Blarney Stone in Blarney, Ireland. Seth thinks this is all gross and can’t even get down with his mother taking communion.
58:37 – NASA is talking about bombing the moon. A rocket will go into space and release another rocket. 10 months from now kinetic energy will take that rocket full speed into the moon and bomb it, and a satellite will be following behind that, go under the surface and detect if there is any water or ice under the surface.
1:05:57 – Jonathon Keats is a 37-year-old conceptual artist. In 2003 he copyrighted his mind, claiming it was a sculpture he created, neural network by neural network, through the act of thinking. When interviewed for the project by the BBC World Service, Keats said the reason he did this was to attain “temporary immortality,” on the grounds that the copyright act would give him intellectual property rights on his mind for a period of 70 years after his death. He reasoned that, if he licensed out those rights, he'd fulfill the Cogito (“I think, therefore I am"”, paradoxically surviving himself by seven decades. In order to fund the posthumous marketing of intellectual property rights to his mind, he sold futures contracts on his brain in an IPO (Initial Public Offering) at the Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. The project was later included in Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
8:28 – Trojan has introduced a new line of condom called Ecstasy – “It feels like nothing’s there.”
9:14 – Seth says the greatest movie of all time is The Karate Kid, which is being remade into Kung Fu Kid, starring Eliza Dushku, Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith.
13:34 – Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a book giving relationship advice called “The Day I Shot Cupid.” Seth then reads a list of the people she’s dated: John Mayer, Carson Daly, Joey Lawrence, Wilmer Valderrama and Antonio Sabato Jr. She’s engaged to Jamie Kennedy.
19:20 – Mike Green, a Republican strategist in South Carolina, on his Twitter account this week: “Just heard Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on Aspirin because it’s white and it works.”
24:10 – More than 18,000 members of the Watchtower Society, followers of the Jehovah’s Witness faith, will converge on your town for their annual convention. They will also be going out in large groups daily trying to convert non-believers. On the Watchtower website, one of the questions asked is “What Movies to See?” The answer: “The AMPAS rating system is no substitute for Bible-trained conscience. Simply just apply Psalm 97:10 – ‘Hate what is bad.’ A person who hates what is bad would consider it wrong to be entertained by the things that God abhors.”
26:39 – Seth tells us about the “Chemtrail conspiracy theory,” which claims that some contrails are actually chemicals or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public. Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, in April of 2009 during an interview with Tavis Smiley, he talked about the phenomenon of chemtrails, saying there were an increase in aircraft trails that coincided with an inexplicable increase in fighting and arguing in his neighborhood.
30:42 – Some Pizza Hut stores and Pizza Hut boxes will now go by the name “The Hut.” It’s in an ongoing effort to stay hip and fresh with their customers. Pizza Hut also unveiled their new “Twintern,” who uses Twitter to update customers about deals and pop culture news.
33:21 – Burger King, in Singapore, has released a new ad for their “Super 7-Incher” burger-sandwich. The ad is a profile of a woman with red lipstick inserting a 7-incher into her mouth, with the words IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND AWAY. FILL YOUR DESIRE FOR SOMETHING LONG AND JUICY. Hardee’s has a new product called “Biscuit Holes.” – “They sound wrong, but they taste so right.”
58:12 – Urged by Captain Sully Sullenberger, the San Francisco Library held a two-week amnesty period for overdue books. Sully had a library book in the cockpit with him when he crash-landed the plane in the Hudson River. After the crash he called his library and apologized for losing it in the crash. The library, in the two-week amnesty, received back 29,228 books. The oldest overdue book that came in was from 1947. It was a copy of George Bernard Shaw’s play “Man and Superman.” Its due date was Jan. 29, 1964. It was at the Presidio Branch. One apologetic patron named Antonio blamed his tardiness on a two-month abduction by aliens.
1:02:38 – A Bolivian TV station got an exclusive cell phone snapshot from the crash of the Air France 447 that was lost over the Atlantic on June 1. A team recovered a passenger’s Casio 2750 cell phone. The camera was destroyed but the memory card was intact. The only problem was the snap shot was a still from the pilot episode of Lost.
1:04:06 – Newly released tapes of President Richard Nixon were made public by the Nixon Presidential Library this week. The secret tapes include his thoughts on abortion. He made no public comment on Jan. 22, 1973, when the Supreme Court struck down laws criminalizing abortion in the Roe v. Wade case, but the next day in the White House he said, “There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black-and-white.”
3:25 – A company called Gene Partner wants to team up with a new online dating site called “Sense2Love” and add genetic matching to their growing database. Soon you’ll be easy to match up genetically.
5:32 – Father José Funes of the Vatican Observatory claimed that if aliens existed, they might not need redemption. Humanity might be the cosmos’ “lost sheep,” the 1 out of 100 in Jesus’ parable that wandered and needed special attention. If there are also intelligent beings, it’s not a given that they need redemption; they might have remained in full friendship with their creator.
7:53 – A company is unveiling a new technology that will allow soon-to-be moms the chance, using high-tech 3D modeling and ultrasound imagery to hold a lifesize replica of their baby from the size of a peanut until the days before actual birth. This will allow the parent to form a pre-natal bond with their child that will only strengthen their love and devotion. … Jonathan wonders about the next generation of this, which is the actual model growing in real time.
18:20 – The founder of Flickr.com, Caterina Fake, has launched a new search engine that she says is a “kind of shortcut through human expert systems.” Users are asked to answer around 1,500 questions about themselves on Hunch.com. Questions such as political orientation, status of their current interpersonal relationships, do you keep your closet organized, do you believe in UFOs?, etc. Hunch believes this large-scale data farming
21:43 – Seth tells us about Corey Feldman and his band, Truth Movement (Episode 079, 20:25). Feldman performed a free concert last weekend at the Universal Citywalk. Truth Movement compares themselves to Pink Floyd – they’re about technology, science and sound. Feldman comes out at the beginning cloaked, and is talking really low in a voiceover. Some of his dialogue: “In the beginning, a sign of things to come. And after the last meteor hit the ground, a new time was born. A new age was discovered. The first sign of life for man as he found his way through the icy caverns. Exploring this new world, and it was bestowed upon him. Men and women made families, created tribes and formed religion!” Seth said the show was pure rock-n-roll.
24:20 – A teenage hunter was convicted of second degree manslaughter for fatally shooting a hiker he had mistaken for a bear. Judge found 15-year-old Tyler J. Kales had not acted recklessly when he shot Pamela Almli on Sock Mountain north of Seattle, Wash. He’s going to be sentenced next week. They believe he’s going to get 3 months in a juvenile facility.
26:41 – Jon Bon Jovi is doing his part for the people of Iran. He’s recorded a cover version of “Stand By Me” and sung part of the lyrics in Farsi.
43:29 – Congratulations to Mississippi – for the fifth year in a row it is the country’s fattest state, followed closely by Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee.
56:18 – Mormon university BYU has lifted its ban on campus access to YouTube because of the increasing amount of educational materials available on the site. The school is granting access for the first time. The university has encouraged its students to use the tenets of their faith to avoid any objectionable material available on the site. That includes anything remotely erotic, indecent, pornographic, disorderly or obscene.
58:35 – A fifth-grade teacher in Sacramento, Calif., gave all her students a DVD to commemorate their school year. It included field trips, class presentations, etc. A father sat down with his young son, pulled up the menu screen with all the chapters on the TV. He watched one in which his son was featured, and pressed ‘Play.’ He watched a classroom scene with applause, and then it went to an abrupt cut of their fifth-grade teacher on her couch in her living room getting fucked. The father recalled his son’s shocked face and question, “Dad, is that Miss Defanti?” She is apparently mortified and doesn’t know how it’s happened. She’s called all the parents and begged to keep her job and dignity.
2:39 – Gold’s Gym has designated July as “Cankle Awareness Month.” According to Gold’s Gym, cankles are the fastest growing aesthetic affliction in the U.S. The summer brings skirts, shorts, capris, bare feet, sandals, etc., further drawing attention to this scourge. Seth claims that Jonathan’s younger brother, Ben, does not have to worry about this, because he had calf implant surgery (Episode 001, 40:43). Before he had the surgery Seth told him not to do it, but now he thinks it was worth it.
11:53 – Denny’s All-Nighter from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. – they’re playing alternative rock music, and encouraging young, hungry, drunk patrons to come in. They sponsor more than 30 emerging bands who get free meals on the road as long as they occasionally stop in at Denny’s after a show and do a post-show jam session. Denny’s servers are encouraged to chat up tipsy customers, says their spokesperson: “We want them to say, ‘Hey, it looks like you guys are having some fun tonight. Who wants some coffee now?’”
24:12 – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved the first at-home test kit for men to use after a vasectomy, to make sure they have achieved true serility. It’s called Sperm Check Vasectomy. It measures a protein called SP-10 that is present in each sperm head. The test may be useful because sperm can remain in the male reproductive tract for several weeks or months after a vasectomy procedure.
32:24 – TruTV’s website had executed prisoners last words. Early Wesley Berry in ’08: “No comment.” … Dale Devon Scheanette in Texas earlier this year: “Is the mic on?” … Michael Richard in Texas in ’07: “Let’s ride.” … James Jackson in Texas: “Warden, murder me. I’m ready to roll. It’s time to get this party started.” … George Harris in Missouri: “Somebody needs to kill my trial attorney.” … Thomas Grasso in Oklahoma: “Please tell the media I didn’t get my Spaghetti-O’s. I just got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” (Episode 013, 56:19)
34:28 – Facebook has a feature called Friend Suggestions, which analyzes your friends. … Jennifer Bates and her boyfriend of 3 years had a really bad breakup. She gets Friend Suggestions from Facebook of a profile of someone she “might know.” It is the ex-boyfriend, and he is holding his newborn baby, smiling – it was the newborn he had with the girl he was cheating with behind Jennifer’s back. … Tennesse resident Relámpago Negro keeps getting suggestions of the wife of her ex-boyfriend, along with the ex-boyfriend’s brother and all of his in-laws. … Jennifer Smith says that men she went out with one time keep popping back up.
38:49 – Discovery Times Square Exposition has an exhibit called “Titanic: The Artifacts.” You pay $20 and get a quasi-authentic boarding pass, you come out of the tour, and then are told you died.”
41:04 – According to GMAC Insurance, the 5th annual National Drivers Test analyzes Driver IQ on a state-by-state basis by asking 20 questions to more than 5,000 drivers throughtout the country. New York has the lowest Driving IQ, followed by Hawaii, New Jersey and California. Based on the results, 20% of current-day drivers (about 40 million) would not pass a written test if they took it right now. Drivers over 35 were most likely to pass, while 18- to 24-year-olds had the highest failure rate. Men were more likely than woman to pass (81% to 79%).
50:05 – Southwest Airlines has begun letting small dogs and cats fly with their owners for $75 each way.
51:48 – Audra Sigler Shay, the vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans, is under a bit of fire for comments made on her Facebook page. Her friend Eric Piker, July 1 at 1:54 p.m.: “Obama Bin Laden is the new terrorist. We need to take the country back from all these mad coons and illegals.” Audra Sigler at 2:02 p.m. on July 1: “You tell ’em, Eric. LOL.”
1:03:49 – In 2012, the iPhone looks as though it will finally be unlocked – with the ability to use any cell phone provider.
1:43 – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. He was charged more than $23 quadrillion. John Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number. He said he had to spend more than two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to explain to them what happened and not have to pay the $15 overdraft fee they charged him.
9:46 – The world’s longest yard sale, otherwise known as the U.S. 127 Corridor Sale, a 4-day, 654-mile annual extravaganza that stretches from West Unity, Ohio to Gadsden, Ala., has always begun the first week in August since 1987
13:50 – Harry and Pepper, two gay penguins living and loving at the San Francisco Zoo (Episode 116, 4:42) have been going strong for the last six years. Recently, Linda, another penguin who has just widowed, has started flirting with Harry, and they’re in a fully consummated relationship. Pepper is alone and super upset. Zookeeper Anthony Brown said that Linda did not want to be a single girl for too long.
19:12 – The country’s most popular state fair, the Iowa State Fair, will be held Aug. 13-23 in Des Moines. More than 1 million people will attend. The most popular attraction is the butter cow, a state fair staple since 1911. This year they will focus on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and will also include some kind of Michael Jackson sculpture. PETA is protesting the annual event and recommends that all the sculpture works be made using Earth Balance, a non-dairy buttery spread. The event is sponsored by the Midwest Dairy Association. Jah claims that Earth Balance is a quality butter substitute.
24:13 – Merriam Webster’s Dictionary has been published with a new edition for 2009 with some of the following new words: acai, fan fiction, flash mob, frenemy, goji (Episode 005, 5:17), locavore (Episode 030, 19:17), reggaeton, sock puppet, staycation (Episode 117, 12:45), webisode and zipline.
33:08 – Dual doggy door dangers – over 75,000 doggy doors are sold and installed in U.S. homes each year. The first is that small children can crawl through them and fall out into pools or off balconies. The other is a reverse boycott – when burglars come with their little children and have them go through the door, unlock it and let them in.
37:51 – Rachel Ferrera, 23, of Wisconsin, got home from work and found her boyfriend, 24-year-old Christopher Strabley, sitting on their couch, watching porn on the TV and masturbating. She called him “a fucking cheater.” She then kicked him in the nuts and stabbed him several times in the stomach with a kitchen knife, saying over and over again “you deserve it.” He drove himself to the hospital and is OK. She told police, “I think I hurt him bad.”
46:29 – Republican U.S. Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas has announced the introduction of legislation that he is backing called The Human Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009. This would ban the creation of genetically spliced human animals. Brownback: “Creating human animal hybrids, which permanently alter the genetic makeup of an organism will challenge the very definition of what it means to be human and is a violation of human dignity and a grave injustice. We will protect the dignity and sacredness of human life. It will protect the very essence of what it means to be human.”
54:28 – There’s currently an ongoing legal battle, and a battle amongst American women, between two different types of tampons – the Tampax Pearl and the Playtex Gentle Glide.
56:37 – An American company, MyDishBiz, posted a photograph of a couple on their website doing a testimonial. Underneath, the caption reads “Frank and Mary from New York,” along with a glowing testimonial about how they made easy money selling Dish network satellites from home and “We made over $1,000 alone from this internet business opportunity.” The couple in the picture are not Frank and Mary, but Ben and Catherine Mullany from Wales, who were murdered last summer while on their honeymoon in Antigua. The pic was downloaded without permission from an internet memorial site that was dedicated to them by friends and family.
3:15 – Many former Christians are getting de-baptized.
5:43 – Shannon Doherty was at the Hollywood Collectors and Celebrities Show in Burbank last weekend selling autographs and pictures. Her display listed her credits as Beverly Hills 90210, 90210, Mallrats, Scare Tactics and Charmed. She charged $25 for autographed photos, $40 for her Playboy cover, $50 for a nude photo and $20 for a photo op.
11:06 – It’s an African tradition for bare-breasted women to form a tunnel and greet soldiers who have returned from war. They heal the troops with their presence, easing the mental and physical toll on their return to daily life. The natural healing and energy of the topless women is soothing. Twenty-five women at the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art have taken this custom and acted upon it. They painted their breasts and pressed them against soft cloth and left their mark. They want to give them to returning soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.
21:18 – At the recent TED global conference, a professor claimed that a detailed, functional artificial human brain would be built within the next 10 years. “The Blue Brain Project” aims to reverse engineer the mammalian brain from laboratory data. In particular, the team of scientists and researchers have focused on the neocortical column, using a software model of over 10,000 different processors—each one simulating the total calculations that each neuron can deliver.
34:12 – In Utah, a 45-year-old female Social Studies teacher is arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old male student. It started out with simple texts. She is charged with rape of a child and sodomy of a child. In the same court, same city and same school, there is a 40-year-old teacher who’s about to go to trial because she’s been fucking the same kid. He’s 14 now. The 40-year-old math teacher is being charged with rape and forcible sodomy.
39:48 – As of Oct. 27, 2009, all new commercial airliners must come equipped with airbags in all of their seats.
41:41 – More than 100 pilots and other airline employees live in a makeshift colony of trailers and motor homes at the eastern end of LAX’s Parking Lot B.
46:44 – In Santa Ana, Calif., a man sued a local Claim Jumper restaurant because he was enjoying his French onion soup, chewing the melted cheese on top and realized he was chewing a condom. The attorney wants all employees to hand over DNA samples to match.
50:43 – Police are reporting that sexual assaults and indecency at Orlando waterparks are skyrocketing this summer.
2:06 – There are over 50,000 registered sex offenders in the United States as we speak. You can now get a new app for your iPhone called Offender Locator, which pinpoints the user by GPS and provides an immediate map listing of all peeds that are in the area. You can click on the pin, and it provides a picture of the dude, his address and what he did.
8:01 – AOL Radio has an all-Nickelback station. Some of the comments that were left on the station page: Fantastic. Now I can listen at work. … Wow. Absolutely amazing. Now I can listen to all their songs without interruption. … All Nickel for no dime. Great stuff. … Wow. All Nickelback. For no dimes. Wow. … This will be the best station. … Sweet. Total nonstop Nickelback. … Like a dream come true. I have gone through four sets of CDs and I’m about to replace them again. There were also a lot of comments from Eastern Europe asking for them to tour over there.
17:08 – Star magazine uncovers a relationship between Kenny Chesney and Jessica Simpson as a “Hot Summer Hookup.”
24:47 – UCLA has released their latest edition of the slang dictionary they put out every year. New inclusions are booty call, chillax, cross faded, sister from another mister, off the heezy, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), Obama (the slang term, not the name), etc.
27:06 – Princeton Review Top 10 Party Schools (Episode 031, 4:56) — 10) UC-Santa Barbara, 9) Florida State, 8) Wisconsin, 7) Texas, 6) West Virginia, 5) Ohio, 4) Georgia, 3) Mississippi, 2) Florida, 1) Penn State.
32:22 – Police in Lawrence, Ind., picked up a drunk and disorderly Asian man for booking. He was totally compliant, a simple man. Instead of filling out the paperwork with the standard legal name of John Doe, they thought it would be funny to call him Jackie Chan. Unfortunately, he’s a somewhat famous Chinese refugee who just arrived in the U.S. after spending 17 years in a Chinese prison being tortured for throwing paint on a picture of Mao Zedong. The group that brought him here were unable to locate him because he has no ID on him. As they were going around to local hospitals and jails they couldn’t find any John Doe because he was booked as Jackie Chan.
47:56 – Thursday-Sunday, Aug.6-9, in Cave In Rock, Ill., will be the 10th Gathering of the Juggalos (the crazy Insane Clown Posse fest).
56:50 – A writer for the Washington Post asked the city’s WNBA team, the Washington Mystics’ management, why, during their home games, there is no Kiss Cam. A spokeswoman for the team claims that “We get a lot of kids at our games and we didn’t want our fans seeing anything that could be deemed inappropriate.”
58:53 – The New York Times had an article about “When Do They Need A Fig Leaf?” talking about how old kids should be before they start running around butt naked. Jah thinks they should start dressing around the house when they have pubes.
3:00 – The USPS is about to begin closing down over 1,000 postal offices throughout the country. The USPS has lost over $4.7 billion this year. They expect to lose about $7 billion by October. Jah is trying to keep the USPS alive by sending all UYD t-shirts through the mail.
18:33 – Aug. 15-16 is the 40-year anniversary of Woodstock, not to be confused with 1994’s Woodstock 2, which Seth went to (Episode 019, 6:00). This was not the Woodstock that had the rape – that was 1999 – and was probably Limp Bizkit’s fault.’
36:46 – A blogger claims that you can block out Gmail ads by using “trigger words” within your e-mails. Jah explains how Google has a mechanism in it that reads your e-mails and tries to throw ads around the outside of your e-mail (Episode 173, 19:42; Episode 157, 11:46). People text Jah all the time saying it’s awesome that they get Uhh Yeah Dude ads, because Jah’s dad submitted a UYD ad 2 years ago. Jah doesn’t like it because you get inundated with it. The blogger has figured out that if you type in words like “suicide” and “911” the ads won’t show up. The ads only show up when your e-mail is “catastrophe-free.” Apparently you need one event and/or trigger word for every 167 words you use in a message. Words such as “incest,” “pedophile,” etc., all work. Jah thinks people need to have these embedded in their signatures at the bottom of each e-mail: On 9-11, my dog was raped by a pedophile alcoholic.
43:02 – Sarah Palin was on a 7-hour road trip with her family, and so she filled up the iPod with Kid Rock, Toby Keith and The Black-Eyed Peas. She said it was going to be “iPod heaven.”
48:06 – If you’ve found yourself looking for Radio Shacks recently and haven’t found any, that’s because Radio Shack is now officially, “The Shack.” Much like Pizza Hut is now “The Hut” (Episode 172, 30:42).
49:32 – A large pizza at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, if you stay at one of the suites, it costs $60 (no toppings).
53:27 – Seth gives Jonathan the top 10 singles on the charts this week in 1984: 10) Corey Hart – “Sunglasses At Night”; 9) Rod Stewart – “Infatuation”; 8) Dan Hartman – “I Can Dream About You”; 7) Bruce Springsteen – “Dancing In The Dark”; 6) Lionel Richie – “Stuck On You”; 5) Elton John – “Sad Songs Say So Much”; 4) Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”; 3) The Jacksons – “State of Shock”; 2) Prince – “When Doves Cry”; 1) Ray Parker Jr. – “Ghostbusters.” Jah recalls that Ray Parker Jr. got sued by Huey Lewis because he ripped off “I Want a New Drug.”
1:01:23 – There are over 1 trillion web addresses on the internet. There are 6.7 billion people in the world. There are 150 web addresses for every person. If you were to spend 1 minute on every website (assuming no more were ever created), it would take you 31,000 years.
3:48 – In Spokane, Wash., they have a complete and total ban on sales of dishwashing detergent that contain phosphates which run into the Spokane River and kill fish by depleting oxygen in the water. Residents are forced to drive 45 minutes across state lines to Couer d’Alene, Idaho, and smuggle over what they call “the good stuff” – non-green brand name products.
6:14 – All over California, classrooms have taken a severe hit because of the economic crisis. Because of this, the State Board of Education says that the schools will not be receiving any new textbooks until 2016 at the earliest. Students’ books will not have any references to President Obama, the mortgage crisis, the financial meltdown or climate change for at least six more years.
10:38 – With more people out of work, two professions are seeing a dramatic rise – DJs and stand-up comedians. Seth wants people to realize that DJing is not a real thing. Jah has pursued both of these professions, and can’t believe he pursued the two worst professions in the world.
13:33 – Mr. Skin, a website dedicated to every single nude scene in mainstream film/cinema. He has released his top 100 nude scenes of all time. Jah wonders if there was ever a situation in which Seth would beat off to a starlet, and he says never in a million years. The top five are: 5) Marisa Tomei in Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead; 4) Jessica Biel in Powder Blue; 3) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct; 2) Angelina Jolie in Gia; and 1) Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. After saying this one Jah thinks he might have beat off to that one.
26:01 – The Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (OCDF) held their annual conference last weekend in Minneapolis, featuring seminars and speakers.
1:25 – Back-to-school shopping is in full swing. Jah has been conversing with some listeners who were moving into their dorms for the first time. Seth says there are always battles between roommates as to who was going to bring the fridge and who was going to bring the microwave.
3:12 – In the upcoming fall TV preview of Entertainment Weekly. some of the magazines being mailed to New York and Los Angeles will include the first ever video player. It is a 2-inch screen that will play ads for Pepsi Max and the CBS new fall lineup.
6:55 – According to the Hygiene Council, these are the germiest spots in an average American home: 8) kitchen faucet, 7) baby changing table, 6) light switches, 5) microwave touch screen, 4) kitchen sponges, 3) pet food dish, 2) tub and shower, 1) TV remote control.
15:43 – On November 1, Philadelphia will become the first city in the country to ban cell phone use – including texting – while skateboarding, riding a bicycle or skating (inline or quad). They must use a hands-free device. A ticket will cost you $150.
24:30 – According to the ACLU and the Human Rights Watch, the following states have the highest level of corporal punishment for U.S. schoolchildren: 10) Missouri, 9) Florida, 8) Louisiana, 7) Oklahoma, 6) Tennessee, 5) Georgia, 4) Arkansas, 3) Alabama, 2) Mississippi, 1) Texas.
41:37 – A social media research firm took 2,000 tweets all in the English language over the span of 2 weeks, and found that 40.55% would go under the category of “Pointless Babble” posts.
47:41 – The Backstreet Boys have released a single from their new album called “This Is Us,” which drops on Oct. 6. They begin their tour on Oct. 30, sans Kevin.
49:29 – KISS will release their new album, “Sonic Boom,” also on Oct. 6. You have to go to Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club to buy it, because it will be sold there exclusively. While you’re at Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club, you can pick up the new Foreigner album “Can’t Slow Down” on Sept. 29.
56:47 – James Daniel of Indiana was arrested for setting up a meeting with a 13-year-old girl. He never fulfilled any of these fantasies but he was at the park with his condoms, etc. Police confiscated his computer, and in his subsequent trial they found out he was having explicit communication with another 13-year-old girl and another 15-year-old girl. It turned out that both of those were undercover police that did not know of the other two. He was having three different online relationships with undercover cops.
1:53 – Seth congratulates Green Bay, Wisc., which has their first black police officer in the 152-year history of their police force. There are 100,000 people living in Green Bay.
2:41 – Bob Dylan will be recording his Christmas album called Christmas In The Heart, with such songs as “Winter Wonderland” and “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Proceeds will go to the charity Feeding America.
3:51 – Bob Dylan has also been in talks with 2 major car companies for providing the voice for their GPS
10:28 – The Rolling Stones have been named the world’s most expensive wedding band. They will play anywhere in the world for $8.25 million. If you’re on a budget, you can get Lady GaGa or Katy Perry for $100,000
19:44 – The Marc Pease Experience is a feature film comedy starring Jason Schwartzman and Ben Stiller. It was released last Friday in 10 U.S. cities: San Francisco, Philadelphia, Miami, Chicago, Dallas, Cleveland, Minneapolis, Seattle, Sacramento and Boston. It made $3,000 in its opening weekend. Seth compares this to a Zyzzyx Road sitch (Episode 046, 39:02).
20:59 – Someone has hacked into the Sears.com website and managed to change info under the deparment store section under “Grills,” which had “Human Cooking” and grills for cooking babies and other body parts. Jah likes this because it’s cyber-graffiti, but Seth says swatting isn’t as harmless (Episode 097, 46:37).
23:05 – Scientists at the Brain Institute at the University of Utah altered a single gene in the brain of a female worm and were able to turn her into a lesbian worm.
33:43 – The 24th annual Imagen Awards were held in Los Angeles this week. This is an awards show that recognizes and celebrates film and television offerings that feature positive portrayals and uplifting portraits of both Latinos and the Latino culture. The award this year for Best Movie went to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
34:44 – 365Black.com is a McDonald’s website for blacks. Meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald’s. Quote from their press release: “Like the unique African Baobab Tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African American community, nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.”
42:14 – Starbucks has announced they will begin raising prices up to 30 cents on harder-to-make drinks while reducing prices on easier-to-make coffees up to 15 cents. This doesn’t help Jah because his drinks are wicked complicated – right now his drink is an iced grande soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. He has downsized (Episode 112, 27:19, Episode 003, 32:44). This works for Seth because a small black coffee will go from $1.60 to $1.45. The changes will roll out to all 11,800 Starbucks stores nationwide.
43:21 – Beloit College in Wisconsin has the Mindset List for the Class of 2013 (students who were born in 1991). In their lifetimes: Salsa has always outsold and been more popular than ketchup … Magic Johnson has always been HIV Positive … Tattoos have always been super chic and highly visible … Rap music has always been mainstream … Condoms have always been advertised on television … There’s always been a computer in the Oval Office … There’s always been blue Jell-O.
56:29 – There is a loophole in the law in Rhode Island where indoor prostitution is legal.
7:26 – The U.S. Forest Service has issued a warning to the public to be aware and extra vigilant while spending time in Colorado’s National Parks and Forests. The agency said that campers who eat “tortillas, drink Tecáte beer and play Spanish music could be armed marijuana growers.”
8:32 – There will be a Rambo 5. Rambo will fight his way through human traffickers and drug lords to rescue a young girl who’s been abducted near the U.S. – Mexico border.
10:39 – 37-year-old mailman James Stempnick was charged with delaying and stealing mail after federal agents recovered more than 20,000 pieces of mail from his suburban Detroit home. It was all over his house, garage and car.
24:25 – On January 29, 2038, the internal clock for Unix will turn over, and the operating system runs a lot of business computer databases. Those servers are going to overflow Y2K style and will flip over into all zeroes. Experts are divided on what will happen. They’re referring to it as Y2K38
27:58 – Seth refers to The Mark Pease Experience (Episode 181, 19:44), which is up to around $4,000 now. There was a movie released called The Open Road starring Justin Timberlake playing Jeff Bridges’ son. It opened in 14 theatres and made about $13,000.
31:58 – DePaul University in Chicago is offering a new class this semester that will focus on Twitter. The Journalism course is called “Digital Editing – From Breaking News to Tweets.”
40:48 – The Huffington Post had a column by Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships and she wrote about an ancient sex technique about avoiding the orgasm. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse, a.k.a. “slow boning.” Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. It is called angelic dual cultivation, or reserved embrace.
46:55 – Starbucks has some writing on their brand new cups: “We don’t just want to make your drink, we want to make your day.”
57:13 – The Honolulu City Council has been considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine or six months in jail for bus riders that are convicted of smelling badly. It would be “illegal to have an odor that disturbs others.”
1:01:26 – Boston Market has an ad campaign they’re doing now that says WE’RE HAPPY TO FRESHLY TOSS YOUR SALAD. JUST ASK. Jah knows it’s a gross sexual term but it’s so old that he’s forgotten what it is. He asks Seth if it gets done to him or if he does it to people. Seth cracks up because Jah faux-grabbed something in his nether regions when he asked the question.
3:38 – Police are trying to figure out what to do about 37-year-old Dave VonTesmar. He’s gotten 37 photo radar speeding tickets in Phoenix, Az., but he’s wearing a monkey face mask in all of the photographs. When he receives the picture of him running through the light he mails the ticket with his license and the picture saying PROVE IT’S ME. Vontesmar is a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.
7:21 – Hugh Hefner is finally divorcing his wife Kimberly Conrad and many of his assets have been put out in the open. He still earns an income from Playboy magazine - $29,000 a week. In his home in Holmby Hills, he has $306,548 in cash in the study. He has $36 million in stocks and bonds and $6 million in an unnamed joint account. … Seth wants to know if Playboy will die if Hefner dies or if it will go on. Jonathan says yes. He also wants to know if it will be drastically different or extreme. Jah talks about how Hef’s daughter started incorporating pussy lips when she took over (Episode 147, 53:02).
22:10 – A hot new trend with Christian couples is staying faithful online, sharing e-mail addresses and passwords for all online accounts. Jah’s down with it. It’s called Biblical Accountability.
34:58 – A new rehab facility called Restart is an internet addiction rehab.
46:05 – 365black.com (Episode 181, 34:44) has the McDonald’s DJ Flavor Battle going on. LA-based DJ Spinderella is repping the Big Mac, Brian Michael Cox of Houston and Miami is repping the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and Miami-based DJ Irie – the DJ of the Miami Heat and Jamie Foxx – is repping the Angus Third Pounder with Bacon and Cheese. Jah is going with Spinderella all day long.
47:02 – In Big Mac news, test markets are thoroughly enjoying the Big Mac Snack Wrap, which is a Big Mac burrito – essentially some beef, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a flour tortilla instead of a sesame seed bun (Cali style).
50:22 – The American Cinematheque is going to give a Lifetime Achievement Award to 38-year-old actor Matt Damon.
53:40 – Swine Flu is taking over college dorms and has started H1N1 Quarantine Dorms at Washington State, Alabama, Purdue and Emory.
56:07 – Parents at an elementary school in South Carolina have asked the school district to move up a bus stop that currently has kids getting on and off the bus in front of a registered sex offender’s house.
57:52 – Newsweek asked “Is This Baby Racist?” It profiles the book Nurture Shock which followed a multicultural school in San Diego. Out of 100 kids they gave 50 kids blue shirts and 50 kids red shirts. For 6 weeks they never said one word about the differences, the kids did everything – recess, homework, etc. When they split them up and gave them a questionnaire, the kids said that their own color was smarter and the other color was meaner.
2:47 – The Boston Phoenix has coined a new phrase called “retrosexuals” (Episode 087, 38:55), which is people going on to Facebook to find old boyfriends and girlfriends from high school and college to hook up again. It’s a mixture of both intense nostalgia and interest.
9:36 – 34-year-old Matthew Eaton and his 26-year-old wife, Laura, went on Dr. Phil last year, to talk about how they made a living of more than $100,000 a year by shoplifting and selling their stuff on the internet. A federal grand jury has recently indicted them after a prosecutor saw the episode and sent sheriffs to their home and found over 500 boxes of stolen merchandise.
16:20 – Deep in the Arizona desert, several dozen Buddhists are preparing to undergo a mind-altering, spiritual journey – 3 years, 3 months and 3 days of total and complete silence, with no word from the outside world. All the participants will cook for themselves in cabins equipped with kitchens and bathrooms. Each participant will need around $75,000 to build the cabin and pay for 3 years of food and supplies – lentils, rice, beans, potatoes, vegetables, solar panels and propane tanks. There will be a newlywed couple that will communicate only through gestures and facial expressions. They will not be able to have sex because it will drain their Prana.
22:23 – The citizens of Philadelphia have to return all their library books as soon as they can, no later than Thursday, Oct. 1. On Friday, Oct. 2, all public libraries in the city will be closed.
33:35 – Abercrombie & Fitch has sued Beyoncé, saying that her plan to sell a fragrance named after her alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, violates the teen clothing retailer’s trademark on their line of men’s fragrance called “Fierce.” A&F, since 2003, has held the trademark on the word “Fierce.” Jonathan has smelled the shit before (Episode 114, 48:35) and it’s not fierce at all.
39:17 – L.A. weatherman Fritz Coleman is a local celeb, stand-up comic and the mayor of Toluca Lake. Jah explains the phrase “Fritz said it would be like this,” (Episode 057, 43:57) which is what people said to each other when it started raining. A community college geography instructor, Melanie Renfrew, flooded Coleman with e-mails and rambling letters explaining her romantic interest in him, saying “God was talking to her.” She’s pleaded guilty to violating a restraining order that prohibited her from communicating with him. It gets thrown out if she leaves him alone for a year, but she won’t stop. Renfrew said in an e-mail to the Los Angeles Times: “Fritz Coleman’s charges against me are libel and slander. I could sue for millions and I’d win.” She said in a telephone interview that she started writing to Coleman because she thought his characterization of on-shore and off-shore air patterns during weather reports were wrong and she wanted to alert him to that: “I was called a criminal for being normal.” According to a court file, she invited him to an intimate Thanksgiving dinner, and that following Christmas told him, “You can come and camp in my backyard.”
42:46 – Skygazers all over the world were witnesses to a mysterious glowing nighttime show this week. It turns out it was Space Shuttle Discovery throwing out 10 days of astronaut urine and feces into the galaxy after undocking from the international space station. 150 pounds of the waste and water froze before solar heat melted it and it turned into vapor.
44:47 – Almost half of all college cafeterias in the U.S. have reduced food waste and cut water usage by eliminating cafeteria trays.
55:05 – The new BodyWorlds exhibit opened in Zurich this week. It’s called “Cycles of Life” and it has plastinated bodies in different poses and scenes. This time the bodies are all boning.
1:01:05 – The mayor of Clarksville, Tenn., Johnny Piper, has come under fire for forwarding an e-mail to all city employees telling them that they need to oppose postage stamps honoring 2 Islamic holidays ordered by Muslim president Barack Obama. The stamps have been around for 8 years. After Piper receives criticism, he says he has a lot of Muslim friends.
3:41 – Bed manufacturers have been appealing to men with upscale beds and mattresses. Some of them offer things like muscle recovery properties, as well as ones with built-in TVs, mini coolers, iPods and safes, etc.
6:39 – Shaheed Wright feared that police were closing in on him, so he hid bags of cocaine in his son’s jacket pockets. He told his son it was just candy, and when the 4-year-old got to his day care center in Newark, N.J., he began handing out this “candy” to his friends. The boy and 3 of his friends were rushed to the hospital after the teacher found one of the bags on the floor.
11:07 – A man in Utah, who police say posed as a licensed massage therapist, has been arrested for sexually assaulting 2 women. His name is Robert Battle. He was working at a fitness center where he was doing his own style of massage. He told one woman her body wasn’t really holding prior massage work, so he needed to do some “internal work,” and performed a vaginal massage. Another woman said Battle covered her with a sheet but had to remove it later on to get to a massage point by her vagina.
14:52 – The iCub is a small-sized humanoid robot about the size of a 3-1/2-year-old child, and he wants to party with Seth and fight Jonathan.
20:05 – Firefighters had to be called to the ER of a Newport Beach hospital to help save a man’s penis. It got stuck on the hole of a steel dumbbell. The man was apparently trying to enlarge the size of his penis, but it had swollen up in and around the dumbbell. He initially refused treatment. Firefighters told him that if they didn’t cut through the weight his penis would die. It took about 2 hours to cut it apart.
23:56 – Expert nautical deep-sea oceanographers have discovered a very new strange species of shark called the ghost shark. Discovered off the California coast, it has a sexual organ of some sort on its head that is a club with spikes that come out of it. It’s either to fuck the female or hold down the female it’s fucking. Jonathan thought a “ghost shark” was when you’re sharking somebody, you get right up to their face to nut and you bitch out and can’t do it (Episode 171, 57:26).
33:02 – Douglas Parks, a 50-year-old Postal Service supervisor, has admitted to taking 16,000 Best Buy Rewards certificates from a major distribution center and buying almost $200,000 in merchandise—including 7 37-inch LCD TVs and 37 iPods. A Massachusetts postal worker, Miles Weathers, has also admitted to stealing more than 3,000 Netflix DVDs from his local office.
48:58 – The mayor of a small town in South Carolina, Sally Peek, had to revoke an order she had given out to her police force earlier in the week after others had heard about it and reacted unfavorably. She had banned the town police officers from chasing suspects on foot. She asked for this to stop after a cop was hurt while running after a man with crack cocaine on him, fell down and hurt himself. She said a drug possession charge was not worth the cost to taxpayers in this economic time.
54:14 – Phoenix, Az., has been dubbed the Kidnapping Capital of America. More incidents than any city in the world outside of Mexico City – over 370 cases in 2008. A home invasion task force has been established to combat this. This scares Jonathan.
4:24 – Captain Sully was back in the cockpit for the first time since his Jan. 15 Miracle on the Hudson. It was the same flight, but this time it was from Charlotte to New York. He arrived 7 minutes earlier. Passengers, at least 2 who were on the original flight, erupted in cheering when they heard the announcement, “This is your captain, Chesley Sullenberger.”
8:03 – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah brings up the Breast Cancer Awareness Stamps, which claim to “stamp out cancer,” as opposed to Yoplait’s unfortunate slogan, “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09; Episode 085, 33:45; and Episode 157, 57:22).
15:55 – The Sex Degrees of Separation – when you’ve fucked someone, you’ve fucked everybody that they’ve fucked. You’re sleeping with their previous partners and the previous partners’ previous partners as well. If you were to take 6 generations of partners, you have slept with, on average, somewhere in the region of 2.8 million people, and a shitload of those were dudes.
26:03 – When is a person a person? Abortion foes, led by Colorado-based pro-life group called Personhood USA, have revived efforts to make life begin at the point of conception. Critics call it the “Egg-as-Person Movement.”
28:03 – Timothy Daniel Dolezal, 57, of Penndel, Penn., was arrested after police discovered he was sharing images of child pornography on various file sharing pedophile sites. Authorities went to his home with a search warrant when they calculated that he had over 1,000 dowloaded images and files. However when police arrived at his house he was also feverishly striking his computer with a metal bar.
30:12 – The Simmons Company, the maker of Seth’s Simmons BeautyRest California King mattress (Episode 120, 48:06)—the love of his life—have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The mattress allows Seth to replenish and restore. Jah declares that he’s going to buy a new mattress once he gets some money.
31:14 – Seth reads a clipping from the Los Angeles Times that he warns us is pretty crazy: “Former reality TV show contestant Brian Randone, 45, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to charges of torturing and killing his girlfriend, 31-year-old Felicia Tang Lee. Prosecutors allege that Randone, a Christian minister and contestant on the 2000 FOX television show, Sexiest Bachelor in America, tortured and suffocated Lee in the home they shared in the 500 block of W. Duarte Road in Monrovia. Lee was pronounced dead Sept. 11 after Randone called police to report that she was not breathing. Lee, a model and actress who has appeared in adult films, met Randone at a pool at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas six months ago.”
34:57 – Pittsburgh police unveiled a new weapon at the G20 protests. It’s called the LRAD, in essence a sound cannon that emits a fast, high-pitched alarm similar to a car alarm, but over 150 decibels. It mimics a gunshot next to your ear. It is the first time it’s been used in the United States to handle American citizens.
39:12 – Seth read an article about an apartment complex, the Villa Valentino, up by the Hollywood Bowl. Back in December of 2008 on a Friday night, the new owner calls everybody down to the courtyard and tells everyone about a gas leak. He says there’s moving fans coming in to take care of them. Finally somebody gets an official on the phone, and they claim they have no idea what they’re talking about. The owner had sold the apartments to some place that wanted to turn it into a boutique/hotel, so she made up the story so there would be voluntary evictions and once their shit was out, they were out. Seth compares it to the gas leak in Seth’s apartment in Episode 089, 23:16, except that one was real.
41:49 – Scientists have confirmed that the premier flu-fighting drug Tamiflu (Episode 105, 15:07), is contaminating rivers downstream from sewage treatment facilities. The source is urinary excretion by people taking the powerful medicine. Concerns are building that birds, who are natural influenza carriers, are being exposed to a waterborne Tamiflu residue, and then might develop and then spread potent, new drug-resistant strains of a higher power.
1:01:06 – Tufts University in Massachusetts has enacted a new policy in their campus dorm rooms banning any sexual activity while a roommate is in the same room.
3:05 – The AMA is considering taking white coats out of commission for good. One of the reasons is the fact that doctors are dirty people and don’t wash them and they’re covered in bacteria. There’s also a trend in younger doctors who claim “white coat hypertension,” which asserts that our heart rate and blood pressure go up when we see a doctor wearing one. In a survey, 76% of people said it does evoke trust and confidence in them. Only 10% of them like the idea of them being in scrubs, 9% in business attire, and 5% say casual clothing. Jah claims that the doctors in L.A. get super casual, not wearing anything underneath their scrubs, etc.
5:48 – Seth asks Jah if he tried out for the Hunky Santa auditions at the Beverly Center (Episode 145, 11:15).
9:23 – In an effort by undercover officers in Georgia to crack down on prostitution in local massage parlors, recent arrests have led to the arrest of one woman named Mi Suk Yang
9:43 – Kleenex has a new website, getmommed.com.
21:18 – Since the dawn of the human race, roughly 50,000 BC, the world’s population of homo sapiens has reached 6.8 billion people. We reached 6 billion in 1999. We will hit 7 billion by 2011.
36:14 – Paul Lyle has plead guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his job as a radio executive at American Media Investments. He did it to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. While awaiting his sentencing, he won $96,000 on a scratcher.
39:32 – According to specialized agents at the United Nations, there are 750,000 sexual predators constantly prowling the internet in a bid to get in contact with children.
44:45 – The Jet Propulsion Laboratory has recently downgraded the chances of Asteroid Apophis stroking the earth off on April 13, 2036. The odds were recently changed from a 1-in-45,000 chance to a 1-in-250,000 chance.
45:47 – A retired baseball player named Bernard Gilkey, 43, is best known for his brief appearance in the 1997 film Men In Black where he’s distracted by a spaceship at Shea Stadium and a baseball hits him in the head. He last played for the Arizona Diamondbacks in 1998, 1999 and 2000, before retiring in 2001. The league deferred huge amounts of money to the teams to allow them to upgrade players, etc. They had to start paying out monies owed to players, and began doing this in 2004. Gilkey received his first check in 2004 for $1 million and got checks of the same value through 2009, and will continue to get them through 2017.
50:23 – Transportation officials have deemed distracted driving a menace to society.
51:09 – Here are some sweet movies we can look forward to seeing: Asteroids, based on the 1979 Atari arcade game; Viewmaster, based on the toy that creates 3-D images in binoculars; Lego, the kids’ building blocks game; Battleship, Hasbro’s naval war game; Monopoly; Candy Land; and Ouija.
0:53 – In Texas there’s a PSA running called Drink Safe Texas: “How long does it take to spike a drink? You wanna see it again?” There’s a coaster they’re making where you take a dropper and put booze on it, and it tells you if there’s GHB or K in your drink.
5:25 – According to 17th century Archbishop of the Church of Ireland, James Usher, the world was created at nightfall on Oct. 23, 4004 BC. This Friday, creation is 6,012 years old.
7:09 – UYD college listeners are telling Jah that they have H1N1 and that LeBron James has it. Jah thought everyone was past it.
7:48 – Because of the H1N1, all waiting rooms are removing magazines, Catholic churches are not having chalice offerings and not giving any more sign of peace handshakes.
18:14 – Pennsylvania officials have arrested a man who used Facebook to ask his own daughter for sex. His name is John Forehand and he proposed meeting the girl for sex and explained graphic sex acts in detail, telling her “not many other fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience all these pleasures.” Police found him at the meeting place where he had asked his daughter to come. He had cameras and condoms
21:08 – As a result of the chilly weather, there is a shortage of pumpkin and pie filling because of the breakdown in bad weather and trucks not getting there. Shoppers are finding bare shelves. Although we may not have our pumpkins for Halloween, we should have them for Thanksgiving.
32:17 – 47-year-old Brian Johason of Chicago took his computer in to be fixed. Techs found a folder entitled “Sex With 12-year-old.”
37:53 – Many members of the Mormon faith are taking to heart a decades-old directive from leaders of the faith that they should be prepared for upcoming natural disasters by stockpiling at the very least one year’s worth of food, grains, pastas, potato flakes in bulk, canned fruits and vegetables. Jah isn’t totally opposed to that concept because people assume too much about their stability as a civilization sometimes.
39:35 – Angelo Crippa of Santa Barbara is an 82-year-old avid amateur mushroom hunter. He picked some mushrooms, but unfortunately they were a strain of Death Angel Mushrooms that looked almost identical to another form of edible mushrooms. He has a routine of sautéing them, offered them to his wife, then ate them. He said “Those were the best mushrooms I’ve ever eaten.” Angelo never woke up after he went to bed.
41:19 – New Scientist magazine has reported on new work being done to create a version of the coating that protects and nurtures the fetus while in the womb – Vernix caseosa. It’s an artificial mixture of baby butter, which can be used to hydrate or maintain pH balances, fight infections and protect skin exposed to light.
42:27 – A woman in Columbus, Ohio rented a limousine, rolled it up to a Burlington Coat Factory, told everyone in the store she won the lottery and to get anything they want. Everyone went buck wild and called everyone they knew to buy stuff, then she got in the limo and drove off – totally kidding. Then a full riot ensued. The only reason she got caught is because after she got dropped off she didn’t even pay the limo driver.
47:40 – There’s a dude who was putting on fake war medals saying he was in Afghanistan doing it for America. He was arrested and charged with stolen valor.
49:22 – There’s a growing trend by people in the running community to run barefoot. Seth read something that said “Your feet are in a prison – let them out.”
5:03 – Rumors in the parenting world are abuzz that screaming is the new spanking. Fewer and fewer parents are spanking their kids.
10:45 – The Blair LLC, a fine chenille women’s robe company, has had to recall several styles due to their tendency to light on fire when women are cooking.
41:54 – In an effort to force consumers toward buying more movies, major film studios are considering a new policy that make DVDs unavailable for rental until several weeks after going on sale.
50:13 – IwatchLA.org is a terrorist watch website started by the LAPD. If you see, hear or smell something suspicious, report it. It tells LA to narc out anything that might be terrorist, but just features testimonials of LA peeps.
51:39 – The Republican National Committee has unveiled their new website, GOP.com. Chairman Michael Steele said, “It’s not really a website, it’s a platform.” His blog on the website was called “What Up?” and now it’s called “Change The Game.” Steele also said “The internet’s been around a while now.”
55:57 – Seth read that in Huntsville, Ala., all the registered sex offenders must attend a mandatory meeting on Saturday night, Oct. 31, to be able to keep tabs on them while trick-or-treaters are out.
6:15 – Following rival CostCo, Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has begun selling caskets and urns on its website. Prices are lower than many funeral homes. Caskets ship within 48 hours. They range from the low-cost steel models, called “Mom Remembered” or “Dad Remembered” for about $1,000, to mid-range “Executive Privilege” caskets for about $1,700, to a bronze casket for $3,200.
9:53 – First DirecTV used in 2008 Craig T. Nelson to sell their programming package. The commercial showed a scene from the movie Poltergeist with Heather O’Rourke saying “They’re here.” She died at 12 years old. The new spots show David Spade in a wig playing his Tommy Boy character, and it features a dead Chris Farley.
14:42 – Twitter followers are going to engage in their very first “Twéance,” a séance using Twitter. A very famous medium will take Twitter questions for William Shakespeare, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain and Michael Jackson.
23:23 – BIG Cinemas, headquartered in Mumbai, India, currently has 18 movie theaters in the United States. They cater to the 2.5 million Indians living in the U.S., many in San Jose, Calif., and North Bergen, N.J. They serve Indian-esque concessions, including curry popcorn and mango lassis. A popular current film is the Tamil action thriller Aadhavan, starring hunk Surya Sivakumar, who is so popular that fans break out in applause when he appears on screen.
27:47 – According to a report by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, after surveying 7,000 people they’ve found that people who cheated on exams in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest as adults.
30:12 – Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been suspended and charged with animal cruelty. Four of the officers were in new and were in training to become canine handlers. The training officer was videotaped by the trainees masturbating his German Shepherd police dog. He was quoted as saying, “If you masturbate your canine unit, you will have greater control over it.”
34:53 – Jamie Aguirre, 42, was pulled over in Ohio for a routine traffic stop. When police looked in his car they found hundreds of x-rays. They found out that Aguirre is also a lab tech at a local imaging center and the x-rays were of womens’ mammograms and young girls’ knees and elbows. Police believe he was using the x-rays to masturbate to.
43:56 – Ohio officials were not having any luck with their new “Click It Or Ticket” slogan showing a driver and a passenger in the car with their seatbelts on. The state has a large Somalian refugee population and they didn’t understand the ticket because they have no government and the word “ticket” doesn’t mean anything. They altered the slogan with the Somali phrase underneath to try to convey the overall feeling and motivation of the ad. It now reads, “Strap It Or Lose Your Livestock.”
51:21 – Two Southern California high schools have been the first to draft dance contracts – binding agreements students must sign before they can step on the dance floor at high school dances. They state that there will be no sexually suggestive dancing – no freaking, no grinding, no straddling, no touching of the breasts and/or buttocks, no sexual bending, no cleavage exposure of undergarments and no excessive skin. If these rules are broken the students must leave and cannot attend future dances. “Freak patrols” will monitor the dancers and can even take pics and e-mail them to parents.
58:23 – Starbucks Via is a hit and is exceeding expectations, so they’re now going to introduce a decaffeinated version on November 17.
1:39 – Andre Agassi released an autobiography that has some curious details in it. He used crystal meth for about 1 ½ years in the late 90s. He went bald very young and his awesome hair was actually various hair pieces and wigs that he modeled together. He said he lost the 1990 French Open at the age of 20 because he was so preoccupied with the poorly glued hairpiece he and his brother made the night before. Before his marriage to Brooke Shields, she wanted him to lose some weight for the photos. For motivation, she put a picture of tennis player Steffi Graf on the refrigerator. Two years after he divorced Shields, he married Graf.
4:57 – According to Real Simple magazine, the number of days the flu virus can remain on a dollar bill is 17 days.
11:57 – A career clairvoyant with a sixth sense and a counseling background, Sue Frederick, a career intuitive and the author of I See Your Dream Job, available through St. Martin’s Press for $17, can predict your next career move and help you plan for it. A session with you will entail providing her with a birth name, DOB and current or most recent career title. She then meditates on these facts, has visions of the client’s possible career path and sometimes will have dreams where a client’s departed loved one will come and give her insight into what that living person’s new career should be. She’s helped an architect become a published author, a Wall Street banker start a food delivery business and a corporate lawyer switch to teaching.
14:08 – Two people, Keith King, 61, and Stacy King, 38, were arrested this week in Phoenix suspected of stealing more than 1,000 pieces of luggage from the baggage claim carousels at the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. Three weeks ago, police saw Keith King park his car, go into the ticketing area and take a bag that wasn’t his. He was released but police put him under surveillance. They followed him back to the airport, watched him take a back, followed him home and upon arriving one officer said, “The amount of luggage inside the residence was almost surreal.”
20:06 – Michelle Triola Marvin passed away this week. She was the ex-lover of Lee Marvin. They lived together and never got married, thus her lawyer added the phrase “palimony” into American culture when she filed a lawsuit for part of his estate. She was quoted during the trial, “If a man wants to leave his toothbrush at my house, he better bloody well marry me.”
23:31 – The Pentagon has teamed up with Taser International (Episode 075, 28:46; Episode 099, 28:07) to build a grenade launcher that would shoot electric shock projectiles from up to 150 feet away that could then incapacitate a perp for up to 3 minutes. It’s called the Hemi Human Electro Muscular Incapacitator.
39:05 – Analysis by Kayak.com, a leading travel search engine, says that the demand for plane tickets both on Sept. 11 and all Friday the 13ths is so low that prices are up to 14% lower on those days. This week there will be a Friday the 13th, so keep that in mind.
4:18 – Mangagement rings are being bought by women for their fiancés. They’re made of very masculine materials such as steel, tungsten and cobalt. They can cost anywhere from $300 to $1,000.
8:41 – According to a poll conducted by Consumer Reports, 36% of Americans plan on regifting this year as opposed to 31% in 2008 and 24% in 2007. Retailers are battling each other to attract limited dollars so we might have a “Cutthroat Christmas” with stores constantly trying to outdo each other.
9:58 – Wal-Marts are going to be keeping most of their U.S. locations open overnight on Thanksgiving. They’re going to stay open up to Black Friday morning to help ease the crowding and chaos that led to the trampling death of a store employee last year.
20:31 – Bullet makers are working around the clock seven days a week and still can’t keep up with the nation’s demand for ammunition. Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they’ve never seen anything like it. It’s called the Obama Effect. Gun enthusiasts have been stocking up on ammo, many of them 1,000 rounds per weapon. Many Wal-Marts are capping the sale to one box, which would be 50 rounds per customer.
23:54 – At any moment, about 20 million of the estimated 1 billion internet-connected PCs worldwide are infected with a virus so severe they can give hackers full control. Law enforcement officials in the U.S. are warning of cases where pedophiles deposit child porn videotapes on your home computer to remotely view later. Hackers can also make your computer itself view up to 40 child porn sites per minute.
28:43 – Arsenio Hall is denying rumors in the National Enquirer that he and Paula Abdul have rekindled their romance from 1989 and are seeing each other again. He claims they’re just very close friends. On this note Seth reads off other 1989 romances so we can imagine them together now at The Grove: Madonna & Sean Penn, George Clooney & Kelly Preston, Jennifer Gray & Johnny Depp and Corey Feldman & Drew Barrymore.
30:56 – Pam McLaurin, a 20-year veteran school teacher in East Texas, has refused to submit her fingerprints to be digitized and stored in a computer database, saying that she will have assumed what the book of Revelation calls “the mark of the beast.” She submitted verses from Rev. 13 and 14 that said she would be tormented with fire and sulphur in the presence of the holy angels and the lamb.
35:38 – Irene Villar is a 40-year-old literary agent who has just published a brutally frank new memoir called Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict. When she was 16 years old she met her first husband – a 50-year-old professor of Latin American Literature at Syracuse University. Over the course of their relationship, from age 16 to 33, she had 15 abortions.
52:55 – Starting this Wednesday, Best Buy will begin selling fitness equipment at 40 of its stores in the U.S. Said a spokesman, “We’re looking to find ways to fill the center of the store.” Seth assumes this is because there used to be enormous music sections, but not so much anymore.
55:56 – Jelly Belly Candy Company is recalling about 6,000 containers of its “49 Flavors” packages because they contain peanut butter flavored jelly beans, but the company didn’t list peanut butter or flour on the ingredients label.
1:25 – Final numbers were released by the USPS concerning the 2008 business year. Despite reducing the hours of over 40,000 postal workers, closing hundreds of outlets and eliminating many streetside mailboxes, they still managed to lose $3.8 billion - $1 billion more than the $2.8 billion they lost in 2007. 2009 looks to be the worst yet already at $1.77 billion.
5:14 – Farrah Fawcett’s will, dated August 2007. She’s left $4.5 million to her and Ryan O’Neal’s 24-year-old son, Redmond, who is currently living in a residential drug treatment center in Los Angeles. She left $100,000 to an ex-boyfriend and left nothing to Ryan O’Neal. Seth says this is what happens when you try to bone down with your daughter at Farrah’s funeral (Episode 178, 45:05). Jah recalls reading a term about them called “injustice collectors,” where great injustices were done to them throughout the course of their lives – because they always put themselves in situtations where that could happen.
8:00 – According to the last Rasmussen National Telephone Survey, 26% of employed adults polled said they have seriously considered that someone that they worked with was capable of mass violence. Seth wonders if he can use the phrase “go postal,” but Jah says not to do it unless you’re “a 40-year-old dong.” Jah says he sees someone daily who’s capable of mass violence.
21:06 – The Pontiac Silverdome in the suburbs of Detroit, Mich., has been out of use for a couple years now. It was the former home of the Lions and Pistons, was built in 1975 and cost $55 million. Elvis played there New Year’s Eve 1975. Led Zeppelin played for 76,000 people in April 1977. Wrestlemania III in March 1987 had 93,000 spectators. Pink Floyd performed Dark Side of the Moon there in its entirety in July 1994, and it was the first time they had played it since 1975. … It just sold to a Canadian real estate company for $583,000.
29:36 – Since 1954, letters from kids addressed to Santa Claus in the North Pole have been forwarded by the USPS to volunteers in the small Alaskan town of North Pole. Volunteers then reply to the letters signing them as Santa’s elves and helpers, as part of “Operation Santa.” This program has been stopped after a postal worker in Maryland discovered that one of the guys in the program was a registered sex offender. Jah thinks this might be one of the reasons the USPS is losing money.
38:35 – The sluttiest species in the Animal Kingdom: 1) The Garter Snakes – they form a giant writhing mass of up to 30,000 snakes in hopes that one of them close by will be female that they can bone down with; and 2) The Topi Antelope – female antelopes only breed one day per year, but on that day they will bone the entire dude with up to five other dudelopes.
41:08 – Larry Hagman and his wife Maj have listed their longtime mountaintop home in Ojai –a 43-acre spread befitting a Dallas oilman like J.R. Ewing – for $11 million. It’s a 9-bedroom, 14.5-bathroom Mediterranean style estate designed and built especially for the couple in 1992. It’s the country’s largest residential solar-power system, which provides energy for the main residents and caretaker’s home while also creating surplus power. When Hagman installed the system in 2003, his annual electric bill went from $37,000 a year to $13.
43:48 – In July 2008, the Apple Store carried 500 apps for the iPhone. In November of 2009, the store now has over 100,000. Seth thinks their manager Jordan has 21,000 apps. Jah thinks Dan of Kozy and Dan has the most of anyone he knows. Jah admits that the phone is so crafty, but if it were a better phone/texter he would be all over it. Although he is spooked out by so many people being on them and doing the same things at one time.
45:42 – Every website has a corresponding numerical address. The number of addresses is increasing at a number that noone was aware of, and it could run out of room by 2011. Decades ago when they had to come up with a figure of how many addresses they could need, they were throwing out arbitrary numbers like 4.3 billion, which was almost a joke, and now we’re almost there.
48:55 – The Oxford American Dictionary has named the word unfriend its 2009 Word of the Year: to remove someone as a friend on a social networking site. Other finalists for Word of the Year included intoxicated: when people are distracted by texting while driving; sexting, funemployed: people taking advantage of their newly unemployed status to have fun or pursue other interests; choice mom: a woman who chooses to be a single mother; ecotown: a town built and run on eco-friendly principles; deleb: a dead celebrity; tramp stamp; ARDY: the oldest known homynid discovered in Ethiopia in 1990 only announced this year; and teabagger: a person who protests Obama’s policies on taxes and stimuluses – a reference to the Boston Tea Party.
54:20 – 95 percent of Americans have received or bought gift cards. The Federal Reserve has proposed new rules that would help protect customers because as anyone has received one of these cards, concerns have been raised regarding a few things: expiration dates, service fees that reduce the value of the card, etc. One of the Fed’s new rules is that the gift cards wouldn’t expire until at least five years after the purchase date.
3:47 – According to the 2010 edition of the Farmer’s Almanac, there are roughly 670,000 U.S. houses that are without indoor plumbing. Jah compares this to Woodstock – not the one Seth was at (Episode 019, 6:00), which had about 2 million.
5:54 – Ball tapping is a disturbing new trend running rampant in Indiana schools. Ball tapping is the act of intentionally hitting or kicking a male in the genitals. A local TV station conducted a statewide survey of school nurses and the results are in that 43% of high school nurses from over 150 different schools surveyed said that they are keenly and intimately aware of ball tapping. Sixty-two percent of middle school nurses are aware of it. Jah hypothesizes that this is because your balls aren’t big enough to hurt in middle school.
8:28 – Jah understands that there are valid reasons for getting kicked in the balls, but kids today are doing it Jackass style and rupturing each other’s testicles.
19:42 – Los Angeles Clippers basketball announcer Ralph Lawler hasn’t missed a game in over 25 years until last week. He was suspended along with his partner/analyst Michael Smith, over an exchange they had at the very end of another embarrassing Clippers’ loss – this one to the Grizzlies in Memphis. Filling time in the final minute of the game, they began talking about 7-foot-2 Grizzlies’ center, Hamed Haddadi, the first Iranian in the NBA. The exchange: Smith: “Look who’s in.” Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?” Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation. Smith: “He’s the only one.” Lawler: “He’s from Iran?” Smith: “I guess so.” Lawler: “That Iran?” Smith: Yes. Lawler: “The real Iran?” Smith: “Yes.” Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi – that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.” Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?” Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.” Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.” Smith: “Especially the post players. Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”
21:35 – In a funny scheduling quirk, this weekend on the 29th the LA Clippers are going to host the Grizzlies at the Staples Center. Promoting Haddadi’s appearance throughout LA’s large Persian population with “Iranian Heritage Day,” which offers fans a chance to meet him before the game and get pictures and autographs of him. Jah thinks “KMIA” should stand for “Kiss My Iranian Ass.”
22:37 – Pamela Anderson told a British talk show host that she had to explain her and Tommy Lee’s sex tape to her two sons, Brandon (12) and Dylan (11), because she knew that their friends would watch the movie Borat when it came out on DVD in 2007. There’s a scene in the movie where Borat and some college dudes watch the tape together.
28:16 – A 39-year-old man was arrested at the Promenade at Westlake in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Jah has been there so much in hise life. He paid a local teenager $31 to spit in his face. He was charged with annoying a child. It’s a misdemeanor. He is apparently known to local teens as word has spread that “this guy will pay you to yell profanities and yell in his face.”
32:41 – Despite being more famous than any other judge at the criminal courthouse in Downtown LA, Judge Lance Ito’s courtroom is the hardest to find. Each courtroom is adorned with a placard at the door naming its presiding judge but Ito’s placard holder stays woefully empty. Since he became a household name more than a decade ago presiding over the O.J. Simpson murder trial, his placard has been stolen so many times that they don’t even replace it any more. Those looking for his courtroom now depend on the information officer in the lobby to get them there.
34:44 – A hot new trend is church crime. The Christian Security Network has tracked more than 1,000 “soft crimes” this year in nation’s unlocked churches.
43:41 – DNA Portraiting is a new technology where you can enter the world of unique personal art. 1) Order your complete DNA test kit, 2) Collect all cheek cell swabs, 3) Send them to the company, 4) Combine the entire family’s DNA into a single canvas, and 5) Hang it in your living room.
47:22 – Dimple surgery is hot. People are jealous of people with dimples, although dimples are a muscle defect. They can synthesize a kink like this with a “lunchtime procedure” taking 20 minutes or less. They cut the muscle inside the mouth, put in stitches, pull in the skin and twist it so it heals with dimples.
49:16 – Jackass 3 starts shooting early next year. It might be shot in 3D.
51:01 – According to the National Retail Federation, gift cards will again be the most requested present this holiday season. The most recent survey found that shoppers will spend on average $139.91 on gift cards, totaling about $23 billion.
1:28 – The Los Angeles Convention Center is hosting the L.A. Auto Show, where you can see the debuts of a lot of different automobiles. You can check out the Toyota Siena minivan, the Buick Regal sedan, the Ford Fiesta compact, the Hyundai Tucson SUV, the Kia Sorento and the Subaru Impreza Special Edition.
4:43 – 4,000 signatures were gathered in Denver, Colo., to place an initiative on the 2010 ballot to approve or deny a newly assembled extra terrestrial affairs commission. The job of the commission would be to “promote harmonious, peaceful, mutually respectful and beneficial coexistence between earthlings and possible space visitors.” It would be a seven-person panel.
5:50 – There was a slight mishap this season at the Beverly Center. They have a Hunky Santa and the Candy Cane girls he comes in toe with. Several hundred holiday shoppers watched in horror as one of the aerialists, suspended from the third level of the mall, fell to the floor with nothing to break her fall. She slipped while hanging upside down from a metal hoop and fell to the center of the mall. She broke her pelvis and her wrist. Seth says this occurred so close to the elevator he saw Tupac Shakur in (Episode 095, 23:25).
12:00 – Cosmopolitan magazine printed a handy guide for their female readers on how to avoid getting the swine flu. One of the things they suggest is reverse cowgirl as the safest sexual position because your nose and mouth will be furthest away from the sexual partner.
12:57 – The Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas cruise ship is crazy. It has 15 stories, a central park, a tattoo parlor, etc.
13:20 – Jah reveals that they tried to make a Little Amsterdam in Vegas, a gigantic project where prostitution and weed were going to be legal in a certain sector of the city.
13:47 – Some wrappers of Tootsie pops have “Indian stars,” images of a Native American child aiming a bow and arrow at a star. The urban legend was that if you got one of those wrappers, it was redeemable for free candy. Jah wonders if this is a “night latte” ruse (Episode 001, 42:38; Episode 025, 26:00).
19:50 – Schwan’s, a home service frozen food company that has been around for a very long time, got together with Top Chef and is now selling meals that the contestants cooked on the show. Jah wishes they’d get together with Iron Chef.
31:14 – Super Bowl XLIV is Feb. 7, 2010 at Dolphin Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fla. The Who will play at halftime.
37:45 – According to LiveScience.com, our brains appear to be shrinking. They have a 10-part series on the evolution and future of the human brain. Using comprehensive scans of the human genome and skull measurements over the last 5,000 years, researchers conclude that the human brain has shrunk about 10%. As to why it is shrinking, perhaps it is in big current society as opposed to hunter-gatherer lifestyles that we can rely on other people for things and maybe don’t need our brains as much as we used to.
39:44 – Paul Frommer, a linguistic specialist and professor at USC, created an entire functioning language for the tribe of 10-foot-tall blue aliens who inhabit Pandora in James Cameron’s Avatar. Frommer has spent years and wants to spend more laboring on the language of the Na’vi tribe, which has over 1,000 words plus rules and structures of the language. He hopes it will be learned by other fans and then spoken to be kept alive.
42:40 – 27-year-old Jason Zacchi pulled up to a drive-through of a Dearborn Heights, Mich., Wendy’s with a sawed-off shotgun. His girlfriend was driving the getaway car. Everyone was screaming, the manager comes over to hear the commotion and see what’s going on, shouts “What the hell are you doing?!” because it’s her son holding up the joint.
44:07 – The final statements of all 446 men and women executed in Texas revealed that the most-mentioned words were “Jesus” and “Mom,” (86 times), while “Dad” wasn’t really mentioned at all. “Warden” was used 74 times, “Pray” was used 80 times, “Kill” was used 69 times, “Life” was used 126 times, “The Lord” was used 130 times. The word “Love” was used most-often at 630 times.
50:22 – Candy Spelling, the widow of legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling, has had her home on the LA real estate market for the last eight months. It’s 56,500 square feet – the largest residence in the country. It’s listed at $150 million and is known as “The Manor” or “Candy Land” by others. It has a bowling alley, a flower-cutting room, gift-wrapping room, wine cellar, barber shop, koi ponds, tennis court, swimming pool, 100-car motor court. They don’t know how many rooms it has because no one’s actually counted but it’s at least 100. She downsized and bought the top two floors of a brand-new condo in Century City for $47 million.
52:50 – A man who claimed to hate Christmas shoved a Salvation Army bell ringer to the ground and swiped one of the charity’s red kettles stuffed with $100s of dollars. The bell ringer, a woman, tried to pull the kettle away from the man Saturday evening, but he said, “I can’t stand you and your bell ringing. I hate Christmas.” Police said the man tossed the kettle into a stolen pickup truck and then sped away. An empty kettle was found a day later. Police arrested Shawn Kreiger of Toledo a day later and charged him with robbery. They had not recovered the money, but the charity estimated it held between $500-700.
53:54 – Michael Plank, 40, was detained at LAX by U.S. Custom agents after they discovered 15 live lizards stuffed in his fanny pack. He was returning from Australia, where U.S. Fish and Wildlife service agents found two geckos, 11 skinks and 2 lizards strapped around in his torso.
56:41 – Many women in their 30s are paying up to $10,000 to have their eggs frozen while they are still vibrant and healthy. They are single and would like to have a biological child with a future mate.
8:13 – The Sun-Maid Raisin Girl has gotten a bit of a makeover for the new decade – like Denise Richards with a bonnet. Sun-Maid president Barry Kriebel said “The new girl might be given a name and even featured in future advertisements doing things that modern women typically do.”
17:11 – UYD often talks about the sexual politics between man and woman and how intricate that can be as that plays itself out in this modern world. In the midst of the Tiger Woods scandal, there’s a lot of talk about texting being “the new lipstick on the collar.” This can leave behind a “trail of cyber breadcrumbs.”
21:04 – John Gribbin’s book “Get A Grip on Physics” was ranked #396,224th on the Amazon charts last week. One day after appearing in photographs released by the Florida police in Tiger Woods’ Escalade, the book jumped to 2,268th.
26:32 – Extreme composting is a hot new trend for city dwellers. “Nutrient loopers” is also one of the terms being used. They use a bucket, put sawdust on it for smell, use no water, and within a year it is filled with fertilizer with nitrogen and no pathogens off of human waste.
29:38 – More than 350 U.S. colleges and universities have complete bans on tobacco use.
31:41 – Opening next summer in the Hollywood and Highland Shopping Complex, the next step in large-scale restaurant/nightclub destination venues: Rolling Stone.
34:31 – 57-year-old Jesus Leonardo is a “stooper,” someone who picks up discarded tickets at off-track betting parlors. Stoopers are the gleaners of the racetrack world because they date back to the early 1930s and are tolerated under unwritten code. He’s married and has two teenagers and says he’s made roughly over 45,000 over the last decade from picking up old discarded betting stubs.
44:14 – Seth heard a 911 call from a woman where her husband was at work and a lunatic was trying to break down her door. She was terrified and said “I have a shotgun. I don’t want to kill this guy. What do I do?” Dispatch told her she could kill him if she had to. She says “He’s about to come in.” Then goes, “Ma’am, I don’t want to kill him but I will kill him graveyard dead if I have to.” Then you just hear the shot and he’s dead.
47:36 – At Searchology, an event at Google headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., devoted to showing off advances, unveiled an app called “Skymap,” using a smart phone’s GPS capability, compass and accelerometer to draw real-time maps of the galaxy and stars and take into account exactly where the users are standing and what direction they’re facing. You can rotate the phone until a red target circle on the screen finds the constellation and locks it up.
49:37 – Fox News conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, drawing on his giant chalkboard, has been going on about an old right-wing battle – the cry of the “3G” system, “God, Gold and Guns.”
4:49 – Michelle Duggar (Episode 064, 27:10; Episode 117, 5:25; from TLC’s 18 Kids and Counting made it 19 and counting this week. Seth thinks that lower region of the human body can’t withstand that many kids. They say they’re going to continue to have kids as long as Michelle is willing to have them. Seth thinks they’ll top out at 24 kids.
7:34 – The Nobel Peace Prize concert was held in conjunction with Barack Obama receiving the award. Will and Jada Smith were the hosts. Toby Keith was one of the artists performing, but the committee was not down with him being there, citing his song “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue – Angry American.” During the concert, Will Smith was on stage singing “Rapper’s Delight” and having a great time. Kobe Teeth gets up there and tries to hang with Big Will, then throws in his own verse about “… I am lightning Will, and I’d like to say hello to the black, to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow!” As he says the word “yellow,” Kobe Teeth holds his hands up to his face and makes slanty eyes.
11:18 – Published on Nov. 1, 1998 by Angus J. Kennedy – “The Rough Guide to the Internet (You Need This Book)” says on the first page, “OK, what’s this internet good for?” The book then asks a few other questions: “Is there a lot of weird stuff on the net?” … “But isn’t it just another male-dominated bastion?” … “What’s electronic mail again?” … “So is this the information superhighway?”
13:57 – 17-year-old Martin Guerrero was arrested at his Dallas high school after his art teacher went over to check his desk and the art project he had been working on. When she got to his seat, he pulled up his shirt to show that he was feverishly masturbating. He then yelled “Aye, mami!” and proceeded to jerk off in front of 30 students.
15:41 – Barnes & Noble decided to shut down their small B. Dalton bookstores in Laredo, Texas next month. The city’s 253,000 residents will now have to drive 150 miles to the Barnes & Noble in San Antonio.
26:07 – TIME magazine’s Person of the Year is Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke, and Seth thinks that anyone associated with money should not deserve this honor, especially when someone named Sully Sullenberger did the most awesome thing ever on Jan. 15, 2009 by saving the lives of passengers on Flight 1549.
28:42 – Customized Christmas trees come in yellow, pink, orange, blue and purple colors. Jah wants a Rasta Christmas tree. He also wants an 8-tree menorah where you light a different one on fire for each day of Hannukah.
29:34 – The National Eye Institute says that nearsightedness in Americans has increased 66 percent since the 1970s. Optometrists believe the increased use of computers and cell phones and much more time indoors are the cause of this. Jah’s dad wears reading glasses and he wonders if he’ll need to do that eventually. Seth thinks Jah will have 20/20 vision forever.
32:37 – MTV has launched a new campaign to halt the spread of sexting called “The Thin Line.” It features a girl talking about how it’s not a big deal if her boyfriend loves her and keeps it on his phone. Then the phrase pops up, “There’s a thin line between him and the whole school.”
42:03 – According to the National Retail Federation, as of the first week of December, 42 million people have not even started their holiday shopping, while 20 million people had already finished.
43:31 – Is your doctor up to date? Every day brings new medical advances, breakthroughs and understandings that make doctors have to constantly read studies. Evidence-based medicine is the idea that doctors understand all the latest news and scientific research. A growing problem is older doctors only using their knowledge from medical school and mis-diagnosing things. Seth doesn’t have a doctor, and he might be the healthiest person Jonathan knows. The healthiest people he knows don’t go to doctors. Seth says Jah has a lot of doctors, and Jah tells him to stop doing that because it makes him sound crazy to listeners.
53:36 – Space tourism company Virgin Galactic has hired British synth pop group Spandau Ballet to be its on-ship entertainment when the company begins launching customers into sub-orbit in 2012. Spaceship II will achieve roughly 5 minutes of zero gravity. The spaceship will hold you, 2 pilots and the 5 members of the group. If Jah and Seth had this offered to them for free, Seth wouldn’t go – he would give his seat to a UYD listener in a raffle. Jah wonders why Seth wouldn’t do it because Seth rides on airplanes, but Seth says he doesn’t do it willingly.
11:44 – PepsiCo will not run any commercials during this year’s Super Bowl for the first time in 23 years. A 30-second spot this year will cost about $3 million. Jah thinks this is because they already jacked the president’s logo so maybe they don’t need to do this. He also wonders if there will be no Bud Bowl held this year.
30:12 – Last Friday, Tiger Woods appeared on the cover of the New York Post for the 20th consecutive day, beating out the previously longest running story on the front page: 9/11.Jah says the Tiger Woods thing is funny because it has a staying power to it unlike so many of these stories that have been coming up lately. It has a perfect storm, wildfire aspect to it. The people Jah talks to on a regular basis don’t give a shit about any of the other major news stories, and now they’re all chiming in on this one incident. Jah says most things mentioned on UYD don’t have any life to them, but this one does.
38:35 – A 23-year-old man who was selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door in the Winnetka, Los Angeles, area, has been arrested after he attacked and tried to sexually assault a woman who changed her mind about buying a magazine subscription. He’s being held on $5.6 million bail. He’s a Texas native who is part of a subscription crew from out of state. Such organizations have been drawing increased scrutiny from local LA police departments. At 11:30 a.m. he knocked on her door, she agreed to buy a magazine, when she went to get the money he waited on the sidewalk. When she returned she told him she changed her mind, he kicked down her door, forced his way into the home and beat her up. While trying to assault her, she fought him off before he eventually fled the home. Criminals are increasingly joining these crews so they can case neighborhoods and homes and pocket sales from the subscription sales.
41:24 – America’s Best Dance Crew judge Shane Sparks was arrested on suspicion of felony child molestation in Los Angeles this week. North Hollywood police have taken him into custody and charged him with multiple lewd acts on a child dating back to 1994, when the girl was 12 years old.
44:23 – Following Pontiac and Saturn, carmaker Saab is days away from shutting down. Aero Trucking shut down operations this week and didn’t tell their drivers they were being laid off. Instead they just canceled all the gas cards their long-haul drivers had, leaving 200 employees stranded all over the country. A message on Arrow’s website told truckers to turn in their rigs at the nearest dealer and to call a hotline to get a bus ticket back home.
54:29 – An internet security firm released the top search terms for kids in 2009. Tweens and teens searched these 5 the most: 1) YouTube, 2) Google, 3) Facebook, 4) Sex, and 5) Porn.
5:31 – According to the New York Post, two Washington Wizards basketball players, 27-year-old Gilbert Arenas, and 22-year-old Javaris Crittenton, pulled guns on each other in their locker room at the Verizon Center over a supposed gambling debt.
6:58 – The CDC is investigating a woman who was diagnosed with a rare gastrointestinal anthrax case. This may have occurred when she swallowed spores propelled into the air during a vigorous drum circle.
11:25 – There’s a rumor that the Avatar DVD release will contain an extended and detailed Na’vi sex scene. Jah hopes it’s Michele Rodriguez and Sigourney Weaver wearing a Stanford half-tank.
17:23 – PETA has named Tim Gunn and Ellen DeGeneres Man & Woman of the Year
18:39 – Construction continues at Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan at the new World Trade Center site. To accommodate all of the workers and to keep them from having to go down to street level to eat food, Subway has made a makeshift store in a huge shipping container that will now hang in the air, suspended from a giant crane, floor-by-floor as they work their way up the building, roughly 105 stories, by December 2011.
22:51 – New laws entering into the books: 1) In Illinois, drivers will no longer be able to text or e-mail while driving; 2) In Texas, teens will need two parents’ permissions for indoor tanning; 3) In California, it will be a misdemeanor for a person to sell or furnish products containing nitrous oxide to a minor.
28:00 – Police get a phone call at 4 a.m. about a loud radio being played at an apartment in Orange County. They send over a patrol car to the place of a man called Bayron Reyes Lopez, whose neighbors said he’s already jumped out of a third-story window to get away from police. He resurfaced a couple hours later, walked up to a woman walking her miniature schnauzer and picked it up and strangled and beat the dog in front of the woman. He then fled on foot to a nearby tennis club where he works as a maintenance man. Fellow employees said they saw him “run around naked.” When police got to the scene, he was lying on a tennis court pouring hot coffee over himself. One of the officers said, “He may have been under the influence of drugs.”
35:55 – Seth talked a lot of shit about Ben Bernanke being TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year (Episode 197, 26:07), but was also alterted by an astute young female listener that there are pictures of his office in the article, showing a mini fridge fully stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Mt. Dew, so hie is back in good graces with Seth.
36:49 – The Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet: “Resolutions are so 2009. We don’t do plain old resolutions here at Taco Bell. We do Frescolutions.”
40:25 – President Obama has signed an executive order that puts the USPS in charge of delivering whatever drugs America would need in case of a large-scale biological weapons attack.
48:12 – DirecTV is said to be announcing at next week’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas the very first 3DHD TV channel. They’re planning on bringing it out this year. It will require people to purchase a new 3D-compatible HDTV, 3D glasses and soon-to-be unveiled HDMI 1.4 adapters. DirecTV boxes will receive a firmware upgrade, so there’s no need to update them.
3:53 – Seth lists off the 2010 AVN Award nominees
9:51 – Brothel owner Bobbi Davis got a big go-ahead this week to hire male prostitutes at her Shady Lady Ranch. It will be Nevada’s very-first legal male sex outpost. Davis and her husband Jim operate their small brothel, which is about 150 miles northwest of Las Vegas, and have received over 100 applications. Heidi Fleiss’ Stud Far (Episode 039, 23:35) never opened in Pahrump, Nev., in 2005. George Flint, who is a longtime lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Association, yelled, “This is the first time in the history of the world that men have been licensed to sell sex. It’s never been done!”
17:26 – The Dallas Cowboys’ old stadium, Texas Stadium, which they used from 1971-2008 before moving into their billion-dollar palace, will be demolished sometime between March 14 and April 18 in Irving, Texas, outside of Dallas. Kraft Foods has paid the city of Irving $75,000 to be the official sponsor of the demolition, calling it the “Cheddar Explosion.” The winner of the Kid’s Essay contest, held by Kraft, will get to push the button to start the implosion. Seth wishes he could be the one to push the button.
18:55 – Frozen pizzas are selling at an all-time high in supermarkets. Market research firms say frozen pizza is a gold mine. We have generations that either don’t like to cook or can’t. They like to heat, then eat. The convenience, coupled with the low price, saw sales go from $3.1 billion in 2000 to $4.4 billion in 2009. The No. 1 seller is Kraft Foods’ DiGiorno’s.
24:29 – One of the questions on the United States Census, which will go out to Americans in March of 2010, is “What is person’s race?” You can check/mark one or more boxes. One of the boxes – White, another – American-Indian or Alaskan Native (Please specify tribe), or another that reads – Black, African-American or Negro.
32:27 – Starbucks has decided to add paninis and low-calorie snacks to their menu (Episode 111, 27:04). Baristas have been informed by bosses to start persuading all customers to buy some food along with their coffee.
35:52 – There is an article in this week’s food section of Newsweek that claims that eating meat has become all the rage with vegetarians. The latest cookbook by Mollie Katzen, has a recipe for beef stew. She was a vegetarian for 30 years but is eating meat again because everyone’s responding to the new breed of sustainably raised farm animals.
38:26 – LA Gang Tours – the ultimate urban experience. Opening this week, the tour gives tourist a two-hour ride for $65 per person into the cradle of America’s gang culture. Stops include LA County Jail, the LA Riverbed, Skid Row, Florence and Normandy,a nd the birthplaces of the Crips, Bloods and the Florencia 13.
50:37 – NBA Commissioner David Stern was taking a “wait and see” type attitude regarding reports of guns in the Washington Wizards locker room. Tensions were high with the team formerly known as the Bullets, as Gilbert Arenas finally admitted to, if not exactly pulling a gun on teammates, having four unloaded guns in his locker. As D.C. police began their investigation into the unlicensed or registered firearms, Arenas, before a game in Philly, pretended to shoot his teammates during warm-ups. This act prompted an immediate, indefinite suspension by Stern that will cost Arenas roughly $150,000 for each game he misses.
1:00:40 – Jah says he obsesses on dying, and talks about how we worry about dying alone. In sunny LA County, if you die with no heirs and no will, all your belongings will more than likely end up at the LA County Estate Auction in the City of Industry. Typically held on the second Saturday of the month in a 122,000 square foot warehouse, county employees and private auctioneers break open crates, divide up the contents and sell them all day. Proceeds pay for burial expenses and other costs. Whatever is left goes to the state of California.
1:28 – The National Institute of Health has a program for rare, impossible to diagnose medical mysteries. It’s called the “Undiagnosed Disease Program,” or UDP. The program accepts 5 patients a week, all expenses are covered, they are given a comprehensive battery of tests, while 62 experts from all disciplines of medicine hope of getting to the bottom of the mysteries.
8:41 – At the Adult Entertainment Expo held in Las Vegas in conjunction with the AVN Awards (Episode 200, 3:53) last weekend, Roxxxy, the world’s first sex robot, was unveiled. (Jah asks Seth if he would hit it; Seth says no but Jah says yes.) Created by a former artificial intelligence scientist at Dell Labs, in response to losing a friend in Tower 1 of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Roxxxy is 5’7”, 120 pounds, took nine years to complete and will cost roughly $9,000 plus a subscription fee – because you’re getting 24/7, 365 tech service. You fill out an online form to match your personality to hers – that becomes her true personality. If you want to mix it up on weekends, she can be programmed with five other types. All speak differently in voice and have different vocabularies – S&M Susan, Wild Wendy, Mature Martha, Frigid Farrah, and a spunky 18-year-old. By touching her hand she responds. You can control the volume of her voice. She’s completely customized with full artificial intelligence. You order her hair color, skin tone, bust size – she’s a “dream companion with a dream personality.” From the man that designed her: “She has three inputs, if you know what I mean.” You can share her with other guys on the online community that have their own dolls, then ship them to one another and fuck them. The next version will contain a safe word (“marshmallow”). Also available is the male verson, Rocky.
17:37 – A Beverly Hills company is building a $1 billion cruise ship called The Utopia. It will sell half of the cabins as permanent residencies. They will cost anywhere between $4 million and $26 million. The ship will sail around the world and will drop anchor in south France during the Cannes Film Festival, in Rio De Janeiro during Carnivale, in Sydney Harbor, Australia for New Year’s and Monaco for the Grand Prix car race. The cabins, or condos, will have hardwood floors, fireplaces, marble countertops, recessed lighting, and all the owners will have access to all the ship’s amenities.
21:55 – Police across Southern California are warning people about “follow away burglaries.” They’re burglaries that occur when thieves stake out an Apple Store, wait for people to buy a new computer and then follow you home.
48:31 – Regina Benjamin was named the 18th Surgeon General. She’s just a smalltown doctor from Alabama. The concern is that she’s overweight in these health-conscious times. Because of her appointment she’s now wearing a naval L. Ron Hubbard jacket.
1:00:37 – Republican S.C. congressman J. Gresham Barrett announced he will introduce legislation that would require the immediate deportation of all Iranians living in the United States. It would affect more than 1 million Iranians.
1:07 – TYCO bought Brinks, which is now Broadview, but TYCO owns ADT – so is Broadview now ADT?
7:54 – A Michigan defense contractor has been stamping references to Bible verses on combat rifle sights used by American soldiers in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The company says it has been a longstanding company practice to embed the scripture citations next to the model’s number. They are subtle and appear in raised lettering at the end of the model number. For example, Model #JN812, a reference to John 8:12, reads, “I am the light of the world.”
24:13 – The Chubb Group Insurance Co., based in Warren, N.J., is the world’s third-largest underwriter of a burgeoning new market in the insurance game – K&R insurance (Kidnapping and Ransom). Hundreds of Americans are kidnapped each year while traveling this fucked-up world. Premiums can run into the thousands – even a low-end policy, which would pay up to $1 million – can cost someone $1,000 a year. If anything was to happen, the Chubb Group would send out a K&R consultant, who would be dispatched in the event of a kidnapping to do full security detail, negotiate with kidnappers if need be and deliver the ransom. Hotspots (or places you should avoid) are Brazil, Mexico, India, the Phillippines, Venezuela
36:03 – The All-American Basketball Alliance would like to start its inaugural season this summer with a 12-team lineup composed of white, American-born men – natural-born U.S. citizens with both parents of Caucasian race. The league hopes to have 12 teams in Southern cities. Their commissioner said they wouldn’t play “street ball” of people of color. He said, “Fans don’t want to worry about players attacking them in the stands and grabbing their crotches.”
39:23 – The Advocate – the nation’s oldest LGBT publication – has named Atlanta the country’s gayest city.
41:44 – The top 5 most stolen cars of 2009: 5) ’04 Dodge Ram pickup – 17,405; 4) ’97 Ford F-150 pickup – 17,416; 3) ’89 Toyota Camry – 26,000; 2) ’95 Honda Civic – 48,000; 1) ’94 Honda Accord – 55,170.
49:23 – Communist China’s state-run movie distributor, China Film Group, unexpectedly began pulling Avatar from over 1,600 2D screens and replacing it with a biography of ancient philosopher Confucius. Propaganda officials are concerned that Avatar is taking too much market share from Chinese films and drawing unwanted attention to the concept of forced evictions. Apparently millions of Chinese have been uprooted to make way for high rises and government projects. In Avatar, human colonists try to demolish the village of an alien race to obtain a precious energy source buried under it.
52:29 – Chrysler spent $100,000 to take a full-page ad out in the Wall Street Journal to thank the American taxpayer for the government bailout of the U.S. auto industry. The printed ad statement reads: THANK YOU AMERICA FOR INVESTING IN THE COMPANY WITH A LOAN OF $4 BILLION TO HELP BRIDGE THE CURRENT FINANCIAL CRISIS. The photo says “Thank you America” with smiling Chrysler employees.
3:26 – Candeo: Hope, Help, Heal – to overcome porn addiction, sex addiction and masturbation addiction. For anyone struggling with PA or MA, Candeo can provide powerful, anonymous online training program to help individuals recover.
6:40 – When Joz Wang and her brother bought their mom a Nikon Coolpix S360 digital camera with face detection intelligent technology for Mother’s Day last year, they discovered what seemed to be a malfunction in the camera. Every time they took a photograph of each other smiling, a message flashed across the screen asking, DID SOMEONE BLINK? They hadn’t. Her brother then posed with his eyes super wide open, or bug eyed, and the message then stopped. The camera, made by a Japanese company, can’t recognize Asian eyes.
22:47 – The old animatronic King Kong at Universal Studios burned down in a fire almost two years ago. Peter Jackson has led a team of digital experts to create a new theme park attraction that will open this summer and feature the next generation of King Kong in full 3D. He’ll jump over the guests at the backlot tour and you’ll smell his banana breath.
30:12 – Blippy.com is a website that discusses “What are your friends buying?” They’re calling it the Twitter of personal finance. You allow all your credit and debit purchases to be immediately posted on the site – where and what and how much you spent will go up. You can sign up for an invitation on the site and it will open up within the next couple months.
36:11 – Researchers at UC-San Diego have developed a baby robot named Diego San. It’s a robot with a tiny metal body and a gigantic baby doll’s head.
37:23 – The BK Whopper Bar in South Beach will open up mid-February and will be the first major fast food company to sell beer at its location. $7.99 will get you a Bud or a Bud Light and a Whopper.
47:16 – Seth refers to an article in the Los Angeles Times from December 2004 about a home developer in Huntington Beach who had a new set of model homes with a Mediterranean theme and they needed a name for it – they named it Alcala, which is a bustling university town in Madrid. Before people moved into the model home, there was a break-in and the police officer went out there and saw the street, Alcala Drive. He had been a cop there forever, and 25 years ago a girl close to there was kidnapped and murdered, and the man who was accused was Rodney Alcala. The developers changed the name. This creepy dude who is still on trial for kidnapping and rape, was featured in the LA Weekly this week from when he was on The Dating Game in 1978 before she was kidnapped in 1979. He was Bachelor #1 and the lady picked him, but he was too creepy for her to actually go out with. She asked him, “Bachelor #1, what’s the best time of day?” Answer: “Nighttime is the best time.” Question: “I’m a drama teacher. You’re a dirty old man. Talk to me like a dirty old man.” Answer: “Come over here and take it. Take it.” Q: “I’m serving you for dinner. What are you?” A: “I’m a banana and I look good. Come and peel me.” She goes, “Well I love bananas, I’ll take Bachelor #1.”
53:01 – There is a second pregnant dude, Scott Moore. The first was Thomas Beatie (Episode 110, 22:08). Scott still looks like a dude but has female parts. Scott’s partner, Thomas (unrelated), got the complete sex change. Scott’s baby boy is going to be Miles. He’s going to join his two brothers, 10-year-old Logan and 12-year-old Greg, the sons of Thomas from a previous relationship when he was a dude from a woman who has since passed away.
2:58 – Cablevision, a company that bought Long Island newspaper Newsday in 2008. They began charging $5 per week after buying the newspaper for access to the newspaper’s website, newsday.com. That comes out to $260 per year. The number of new subscribers since October is 35.
13:17 – The NKOTB second annual Carnival Cruise will set sail from Miami to the Bahamas from May 14-17. Price per person ranges from $849/person to $2,400/person. All cruise passengers will receive a NKOTB Welcome Cocktail Party, concert performance on the Lido Deck, photo session, Q&A, deck party with DJs, beach party with DJs, karaoke and gift bag. Over 2,000 people will be on board.
15:56 – Crazy Super Bowl prop bets: an entire section dedicated to Kim Kardashian – how many times will CBS show her in the telecast? Over/under is 2.5. … If the Saints to win, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian will be engaged by July 31. … What color top will she be wearing – white, black or another color? … The Kardashian Prop is Reggie Bush’s total rushing yards vs. Lamar Odom’s (Khloe’s husband) combined points, rebounds and assists during the Lakers’ two games before and after the Super Bowl.
26:06 – PETA wants to replace Punxatawney Phil with an electric groundhog.
50:14 – The nation’s two biggest lotteries – Powerball and Mega Millions have added new states into the mix – moving the U.S. one step closer to having a national lottery. Powerball is in 43 states; Mega Millions is in 45 states. The biggest Mega Millions drawing took place on March 6, 2007. There was one ticket winner sold in New Jersey and one sold in Georgia – the jackpot was $390 million. The biggest Powerball occurred on Feb. 18, 2006. Only one ticket was sold but it was split between 8 co-workers at a Nebraska meat processing plant. The 8 co-workers split $365 million.
52:30 – Expedia.com has teamed up with seatguru.com – part of the TripAdvisor media network – to offer internet reviews of specific airline seats that customers are thinking about booking. The service will survey travelers on such considerations as leg room, seat recline, noise level, etc. One review warned against taking any of the 6 seats in Row 26 of the Airbus A320, saying that the proximity to the bathroom was bothersome and unacceptable. Meanwhile, the seats on Row 11 have extra leg room due to an adjacent emergency exit.
55:01 – failin.gs is a website in beta that uses the motto “Don’t worry, nobody’s perfect.” If you ever want to know what people really think about you, create a profile and invite anyone to leave anonymous, constructive criticism for you.
1:28 – Precycling is reducing waste by limiting your consumption – being thoughtful at both the point of purchase and point of refuse
7:05 – Walgreen’s plans to begin offering fresh foods and prepared meals at its more than 7,000 stores. The drug store chain wants to create branded products for what they call “tonight’s meal” to draw in time-starved shoppers.
11:22 – Jimi Hendrix released only 3 studio albums before his death in 1970. On March 9, Sony Music and the Jimi Hendrix Estate – named “Experience Hendrix,” based in Seattle and worth around $80 million – will release a new Hendrix album called Valleys of Neptune. It will feature a dozen unreleased recordings that Hendrix was working on or had completed by the end of his life.
16:40 – Therapists are reporting a rise in domestic disputes over environmental issues. Going green is causing some couples to go eco insane. The problem usually arises from a disparity level in the commitment between the couples going green.
19:51 – Los Angeles County’s 5-year-old “Gifts for Guns” weapon exchange program collected 5,337 guns in 2009, including 144 assault-style rifles. The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department handed out half a million gift cards to Ralph’s and Target. One man rolled up to an exchange in Compton in a SUV. He was dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans and handed over 58 guns. He brushed off a Los Angeles Times reporter, collected several thousand dollars in gift cards and peaced out.
23:09 – Seth reads some court documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Nov. 8, 1996: The PLAINTIFF Catherine Sheehan vs. The DEFENDANT Jack Nicholson. All events herein described occurred on Oct. 12, 1996 at the residence of Mr. Nicholson on Mulholland Drive. At or about 3 a.m. during a telephone conversation Mr. Nicholson invited PLAINTIFF to his residence. At or about 4 a.m. PLAINTIFF telephoned Nicholson, inquired whether she could bring along a woman friend when she came to the residence. During this telephone call, Nicholson, having told PLAINTIFF that she could bring along her friend, informed PLAINTIFF that he wanted them to wear little black dresses with no stockings. Having donned the requested black dresses, PLAINTIFF and her friend drove to the residence, calling Nicholson from the vehicle to inform him they were on their way. When they arrived at the residence, PLAINTIFF and her friend were greeted at the door by Nicholson, who after offering them a drink invited PLAINTIFF and her friend upstairs to the bedroom. At or about this time, PLAINTIFF confirmed with Nicholson that both she and her friend would receive the sum of $1,000 each for the performance of sexual acts with Nicholson. Nicholson reaffirmed this agreement to pay each of the women the said sum and indicated that he would “take care of it later.” At said residence, PLAINTIFF and PLAINTIFF’s friend did perform sexual acts with Nicholson. At some point in time during the course of sexual acts between Nicholson and PLAINTIFF, PLAINTIFF’s friend left the bedroom. At or about 7 a.m., PLAINTIFF, observing that Nicholson was fatigued, asked him to “take care of her and her friend” as promised and give them the agreed-upon amount of $1,000 each. In response to PLAINTIFF’s request, Nicholson became loud and abusive, demanding to know what the fuck PLAINTIFF was talking about, stating that he had never paid anyone for sex as he could get anyone he wanted as a sexual partner. PLAINTIFF informed Nicholson that she knew he had paid others to perform sexual acts with him and attempted to use the telephone to request help from a friend who was acquainted with Nicholson. At this point Nicholson became increasingly angry. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone, Nicholson pushed and attempted to grab PLAINTIFF, and his voice became increasingly raised and his demeanor more and more violent. This frightened PLAINTIFF. Believing that having the mutual acquaintance speak to him would calm Nicholson, PLAINTIFF did manage to make the telephone call when Nicholson was distracted by the return of the other woman who had stepped out of the bedroom. After explaining to the individual whose number she had called that Nicholson was refusing to pay her the promised sum of money and was becoming enraged, PLAINTIFF was told by the individual on the phone to leave the residence immediately. Nicholson then demanded that PLAINTIFF empty her purse. PLAINTIFF did so, allowing Nicholson to determine that she had not taken any of his possessions. PLAINTIFF, fearful of harm to herself, continued on her way to the exit, intending to leave as soon as possible. PLAINTIFF implored Nicholson to remain calm. Nicholson then forcefully grabbed PLAINTIFF by the hair and violently pounded her head several times on the floor. Nicholson released PLAINTIFF and as she once again attempted to calm him and leave as quickly as possible, he pushed PLAINTIFF down a flight of stairs. Nicholson then demanded that the other woman empty her purse, and after she had done so, PLAINTIFF asked the other woman to put on her clothes so they could leave immediately. In an attempt to get away from Nicholson, PLAINTIFF walked away; however, Nicholson went after her, yelling and screaming at PLAINTIFF to leave. He grabbed her again, repeatedly hit and struck her above the head and torso and physically shoved her in a chair. PLAINTIFF, terrified for her physical safety and unable to leave as her friend remained in a state of undressed, reached for a telephone to call for help. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone to call police, Nicholson threatened PLAINTIFF with a raised arm and clenched fist. He was enraged and yelled that he would give the PLAINTIFF a reason to call the police. Nicholson further threatened to throw the PLAINTIFF over Mulholland Drive and then told PLAINTIFF he would call the police himself. These threats terrified PLAINTIFF, who feared even more physical violence upon her person by Nicholson. PLAINTIFF, frightened and in physical pain, pleaded with Nicholson to let her leave. In answer to her plea, Nicholson physically took hold of the PLAINTIFF and violently threw her out of his residence. PLAINTIFF’s friend was still at the door, asking Nicholson to allow her to retrieve her personal items that she had left at the residence. In an attempt to quickly depart, PLAINTIFF went up to the door and asked her friend to please give her the keys to the vehicle so that she could use the car phone. At or about this time, Nicholson rushed out of the residence and physically and violently lifted PLAINTIFF’s person off the ground. Nicholson flung PLAINTIFF about, stating that he would kill PLAINTIFF and cause PLAINTIFF to suffer grievous bodily harm.
32:19 – Jason Alexander, who was the spokesman for KFC, is now the new spokesman for Jenny Craig. He said he watched himself in a recent Curb Your Enthusiasm episode and he hated what he saw: “I looked at myself playing a character that I started playing 20 years ago. And yes, he has aged, but what was disturbing was he was no longer in a body that I cared to recognize.”
39:12 – It may be the last word in Spelling Bees and Scrabble, but Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary now faces a new, if unlikely, notoriety – being too sexy for its own good. This was the verdict of at least one parent in Menifee, Calif., last week, who called the principal of Oak Meadows Elementary School to say that the entries describing oral sex in the dictionary were too explicit. The books were then pulled off the shelves and housed temporarily off location. “The dictionaries have not been banned,” said Betti Cadmus, a spokesman for the school district in the conservative southwest Riverside County on Monday, “but there was growing concern by parents that some of the words are not age-appropriate.” A panel of parents, teachers and administrators will meet later this week to comb the dictionary for potentially graphic words or definitions and issue a report within a month.
42:05 – Christopher Scolese, NASA’s acting administrator, told U.S. government officials that NASA is discovering that many parts installed on their spacecraft are counterfeit. They’re not finding this out until the parts have been fully installed and the rocket is ready to be launched or even worse until the parts malfunction in space.
44:23 – A former student returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago to a high school librarian in Phoenix. The money order was sent anonymously with $1,000 in it, but it was to cover fines of 2 cents a day.
46:18 – The Amish, who number around 230,000 – mostly in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana – have the hottest thing in Christian fiction right now: Bonnet Books. It’s a lucrative genre. They chronicle the lives and loves of chased American Amish.
48:35 – A Jewish teen trying to pray on a New York to Kentucky flight caused a scare when he pulled out a set of small boxes containing holy scrolls, leading to the captain diverting the plain to Philadelphia, where police, bomb-sniffing dogs and federal agents were waiting. The 17-year-old on US Airways Express Flight 3079 was using Tefillin, a set of small boxes containing biblical passages that are attached to leather straps. When used in prayer, one box is strapped to the arm and the other box is placed on the head. The teen explained the ritual to the crew, but the crew did not receive a clear response when they talked to him and in the interest of everyone’s safety decided to land in Philadelphia.
1:00:33 – A Newsweek article talks about “preppers” – normal people with end-of-the-world survivalist tendencies.
1:42 – A judge with the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission says the rights of Josue Brissot, a Rastafarian baggage screener at Boston’s Logan International Airport, were violated when he was threatened with firing unless he cut his long dreadlocks that he claims he maintains for religious reasons. Marcia says she just left Logan today. She wonders what “rastafani” is – she thought it was something Jah made up when he was in high school.
3:13 – Several major food companies got together to create a new service for American consumers called “Smart Choices.” Food products with the green check gives consumers a fast and easy way to purchase healthy food for their family. But many nutritional advocate groups say this is a scam. The list includes Froot Loops, Lucky Charms and Coco Krispies. Marcia wants to know what happened to good old-fashioned oatmeal?
7:37 – Men’s Health magazine has chosen for the third straight year the country’s worst pizza – it’s the Uno Chicago Grill Classic Deep Dish Individual Pizza. It has 2,300 calories, 165 grams of fat, 5,000 milligrams of sodium and 120 grams of carbs. It’s like 27 tiny bags of Lay’s Potato Chips.
15:10 – Starting in January, McDonald’s plans to offer a $1 breakfast menu across the country. It will include the following items: Sausage McMuffin, Sausage Biscuit, Sausage Burrito, Hash Brown and a 12-oz coffee.
16:09 – McDonald’s will also lift its $2.95 fee for two free hours of Wi-Fi at 11,000 of their stores next month and will offer free Wi-Fi access with no time limit. Marcia wonders if people actually use that, and Seth confirms that pedophiles use that by stealing laptops from tweens and overrunning 11,000 McDonald’s come January.
17:00 – Hotline Homecoming – Responding to complaints from customers, many US customers are putting their call centers back in America for a fee. Marcia says she might pay a fee to speak to someone who speaks English.
19:24 – Pregnant high school athletes – should they be sidelined?
21:30 – The Samer Theory – radiation from microwaves, telecommunications, remote controls, cell phones, etc., are slowly cooking our brains and making us crazy. Marcia agrees that this is correct because everyone is crazy. And she thinks everyone drinks way too much caffeine without even thinking about it and drives 100 miles an hour on the 101 Freeway. Marcia drinks decaf coffee for the taste. Her on caffeine with 3-year-olds would not work.
26:42 – Seth recalls that soldiers and troops have to use crazy shit because they don’t have all the accessories they need – To check for tripwires while out on a mission, families were sending silly string so they could spray it and see where it landed (Episode 041, 31:53 and Episode 087, 19:20). … Also, swallowing chewing tobacco kills worms in your stomach. … Tampons plug up bullet wounds … Wrap people with saran wrap for punctured chests … Vaseline on your mouth so when you take a shower the water won’t get into it … tape on your bed with the sticky side up so that insects will get stuck on it and not be able to make their way up to you. … Putting your socks over your pants and your boots so scorpions can’t get in your business. Seth wonders how long he would last in Fallujah, and Marcia thinks he wouldn’t even make it on the plane ride over there.
28:42 – The Pickle Guys $0.75 Store is the last pickle outlet left on Manhattan’s Lower East Side now that Gus – an institution since 1920, has moved its red barrels of 50-cent pickles to Brooklyn.
31:25 – The Lawry Chain of high-end steakhouses must pay more than $1 million to settle a federal discrimination lawsuit contending that for several decades it hired only women, no men as servers.
34:27 – Ladybugs have been showing up in greater numbers in wine vineyards. Sometimes more often as of late they attach to harvested grapes and are being mixed into fermenting grape juice by accident. As a defense mechanism they release a chemical that is foul-smelling and is detected in even tiny amounts by humans. The green bell pepper smell is increasingly being found in wines. It is being called “Ladybug Taint.” … Marcia at 35:08 – “Yeah well that’s true because if you’ve ever let a ladybug sit on your hand they always leave a brown spot when they walk away. … I don’t know, it must be that taint stuff.”
39:40 – Seth wonders how long Marcia would last in a women’s prison. She doesn’t think very long. These are what hardened convict female criminals are using on lockdown to beautify themselves: Ink from pens for eyeliner, glitter from greeting cards to sprinkle on their faces, Crystal Light for blush, coffee grounds for eye shadow, crushed Skittles for color and shading.
44:01 – Dearborn, Michigan has close to 500,000 Arabs – the largest concentration of people outside of the Middle East. A new Wal-Mart has opened a 200,000-square-foot Super Center with 550 specialty items for them.
48:45 – The number of Americans using Twitter dropped 8% from September to October – it’s the second monthly decline this year. Marcia: “But who cares what Ashton Kutcher’s doing?”
50:23 – More and more service animals are not of the norm. A lot of people are using monkeys, parrots, etc. There’s a woman in Fort Worth, Texas, who has a seeing eye horse. She walks it through the drive-thru at Dairy Queen and gets her ice cream.
13:07 – As of Sept. 1, the U.S. military mission in Iraq will get a new name. Operation Iraqi Freedom becomes Operation New Dawn. Defense secretary Robert Gates said the name change will signal American forces have a new mission there.
16:16 – Little Brownie Bakers of Kentucky, who makes the Lemon Chalet Crème cookies, said there’s been a problem with them and a breakdown in the oils, making foul odors emanate from the box.
18:41 – Burger King, the nation’s No. 2 burger king, is launching a massive new coffee line, introducing Starbucks Corporation’s Seattle’s Best Coffee this summer at all of their 7,000 stores. Drinks will range from $1 to $2.79 and be sold all day. Five years ago BK launched its BK Joe coffee brand, which will now be retired.
25:53 – Due to a provision placed inside of the new credit card bill, you can now legally carry a firearm in 373 of 392 national parks. A ban had been in place for the last 94 years, but now you can carry a loaded weapon. 30 parks are in more than one state so you’ll have to know what and where the state lines are because you’ll be subject to gun laws of each state.
29:20 – The #2 rental chain in the country, Movie Gallery – owner of Hollywood Video – has filed for bankruptcy. They’re planning on closing 805 stores – one-third of their total. It’s their second trip through bankruptcy court. Their first time was about 2 ½ years ago, when they closed 2,400 stores. They’re struggling with competition of people streaming videos online from Netflix, picking up $1/night rentals at Red Box kiosks, etc.
45:03 – Babies born in 2010 and on will belong to Generation Alpha. Generations X, Y and Z have exhausted the Latin alphabet so we’ve moved to the Greek generation. It will be the most tech-savvy and connected generation ever.
47:35 – Atlanta’s public transportation agency is under fire for renaming the train line that goes into the heart of the city’s Asian-American community the Yellow Line.
56:20 – The president of Nigeria is receiving medical treatment in a Saudi Arabian hospital. He’s back in Nigeria recovering at his home and the acting president of Nigeria since the middle of January’s name is Goodluck Jonathan.
7:32 – Seth lets everyone know that Cpt. Sully Sullenberger retired this past week. He dedicates Episode 208 to him (Episode 167, 4:23; Episode 172, 58:12; and Episode 186, 4:24).
18:31 – Seth re-reads an article written by technology Clifford Stoll in the February 1995 issue of Newsweek called “The Internet – Bah!” (Episode 110, 2:02).
27:50 – The TSA is going to begin randomly swabbing flyers’ hands to check for any explosive material. International flights are already doing it. They currently have 7,000 trace explosive detection machines in functioning order.
32:36 – The U.S. Tax Court in Washington has ruled that costs incurred in sex-change operations and accompanying procedures are now tax-deductible.
38:35 – The American Psychiatric Association will release the fifth edition of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013. It was last revised in 1994. The book is used by mental health professionals, insurance companies, etc. They’ll recommend for this edition that binge eating and gambling be considered as disorders, along with mixed anxiety disorder. Mixed anxiety disorder is really vague. They refrained from suggesting sex addiction or internet addiction.
41:57 – Starting May 1, American Airlines will start charging passengers $8 for a pillow and a blanket. You can keep them but you have to pay using debit card.
53:18 – The USPS is expecting to lose $238 billion over the next decade and is very seriously considering dropping Saturday delivery. They figure they can save $40 billion over that same period by doing this.
4:17 – According to ABC News, there are more than 700,000 registered sex offenders in the United States. For perspective, the city of Boston has 620,000 people living there, Portland has 557,000 people and Pittsburgh has 310,000.
6:03 – Pringles has recalled their cheeseburger flavor Pringles Restaurant Cravers and their “Taco Night” flavor of Pringles Family Flaves because of possible salmonella bacteria. Non-recalled flavors are Slow-Cooked BBQ, Cheesy Fries, Mexican Layered Dip, Onion Blossom, White Cheddar and Cheddar BBQ.
12:28 – Neuromarketing is consumers being exposed to ads while hooked up to machines that monitor brain activity, pupil dilation, sweat responses and flickers in facial muscles.
14:42 – The newest Forbes billionaire list features 403 U.S. billionaires, while China only has 89. Bill gates is no longer the richest man in the world, he’s only worth $53 billion. The richest man in the world, with $53.5 billion, is Mexican telecommunications tycoon Carlos Slim. The world’s youngest billionaire, worth $4 billion, is Mark Zuckerberg (Episode 107, 25:19).
19:34 – Sean Hayes, who played the very flamboyant character Jack McFarland on the NBC sitcom Will & Grace (which went off air four years ago), is on the current cover of The Advocate confirming “rumors” that he is gay. Jah recalls having to be informed that French Stuart was not gay, but he didn’t need confirmation of this one.
28:10 – State troopers across the country are discussing a surge in what they call “Trucker Rage.” It’s more and more incidents of road rage involving long-haul truckers driving semis, big rigs and 18-wheelers. They’re exchanging taunts via CB radio and then pulling over to fight at rest stops after talking shit. Channel 19 is a place that a lot of “CB Rambos” go. It’s where a lot of young truckers go to blow off steam. Jah lists off some Channel 19 terminology: “alligator” is tread from tire, “a free ride” is a prostitute, a “beaver” is a female, a “Christmas card” is a speeding ticket, “sailboat fuel” is riding on empty, “magic mile” is the last mile of a trip, “Colorado Kool-Aid” is beer and “Use the Jake” is slow down.
31:33 – Ashleymadison.com, an adultery website (Episode 102, 53:13; Episode 150, 2:07) reviewed the 1.9 million accounts they have to come up with the occupations that have the most adulterous people. Among women, #5 is real estate agents, #4 is administrative agents, #3 is nurses, #2 is stay-at-home moms and #1 is teachers. Among men, #5 is engineers, #4 is real estate agents, #3 is lawyers, #2 is police officers and #1 is physicians.
44:16 – The Los Angeles Times was asking people what their favorite movie of 2009 was. Ron Artest, Lakers Forward: “Easy. 2012. Every time I get to the team hotel I watch it. Every single time.”
54:01 – Federal authorities charged 24 people last summer with the looting/theft of Native American artifacts from sites in the western part of the U.S. in the Four Corners – Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. Since then, three of these people have committed suicide.
57:48 – Seattle police have launched a prostitution investigation aimed at Frank Colacurcio, who owns five strip clubs in the Seattle area including Rick’s, Honey’s, Talent’s, Sugar’s and Fox’s. Reports show that one undercover officer visited the clubs 160 times. He got approximately 130 lap dances and spent about $18,000 while not making a single arrest.
59:19 – LA Sheriff’s Department said there was a dispute at a Lancaster movie theater during a showing of Shutter Island. It was a packed 9 p.m. Saturday night screening and found a man complaining about a woman who was having a full-blown conversation on her phone during the movie. She left the theater with two men, then came back a short while later and plunged a meat thermometer into the neck of the man who was complaining.
1:02:47 – Seth reads from an article in the LSU student newspaper, the Daily Reveille about a student named Storm Erie who drove his car into the LSU Quad, parked and began throwing contents of his vehicle into the Quad: dirty rubber boots, a half-empty bottle of wine, a large sling blade, a djembe, a four-sided lug wrench, a skateboard, a wooden chess set, a sweater, a pair of shoes, landscaping bags, a flashlight and a small mug. He also propped up a set of blueprints along the back of the running vehicle.
13:15 – The FBI said that the amount of money swindled on the internet doubled in 2009 to $560 million. They said one of the biggest scams involved phone messages left on people’s home answering machines with a voice similar to President Barack Obama’s, urging people to visit a website to claim a share of government stimulus money, limited time offer with a small handling fee.
15:25 – 5 million people pay $25 per month for AOL dial-up service (Episode 103, 25:06).
23:23 – TIME Magazine has 10 Ideas for the Next 10 Years, and #8 is TV will save the world.
23:45 – 120 million U.S. Census forms began arriving in mailboxes across the country in the government’s once-a-decade population count. Seventy-two percent of households returned their forms in the year 2000. It’s estimated that only 66% will do so this year. There’s another $1.5 billion in spending that’s directed only at the follow-ups to get people to fill out their forms.
25:22 – Tiger Woods texts to porn star Joslyn James: After I cum, you better start sucking my cock to get it hard … You ever hook up with other guys or girls? Slap your face, treat you like a dirty whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat. Hold you down while I choke you and then fuck that ass that I own. … Have you ever had a golden shower done to you? … Yeah, guys from Dubai, investors. My agent doesn’t know about us obviously. … Don’t fuckin’ talk to me, you almost just ruined my whole life.
30:32 – YouTube celebrated 5 years, which launched on Feb. 14, 2005.
32:11 – Becky McClain is a former Pfizer scientist who is suing the pharmaceutical company, alleging she contracted an artificial, lab-made HIV-like virus created by a colleague. She believes she became infected by the virus due to faulty safety measures which result in a complete body paralysis as often as 12 times every month. Pfizer denies the accusations and also refuses to release the genome of the suspected virus, thus preventing both identification of the virus as well as development of any cure.
35:19 – A site called eHarlequin provides romance novels for women who love to read. They have a new series set in the world of NASCAR. He then proceeds to read a passage from “Crossing the Line” by Jean Brashear, but Jah interrupts him to read it in a southern romantic voice.
40:58 – Elijah Dukes (Episode 066, 3:02; Episode 069, 2:17 and Episode 070, 14:22) was released by the Washington Nationals so we might need some new sports heroes to identify with
41:10 – Antonio Cromartie, a former high school football star from Tallahassee, Fla., just left the San Diego Chargers and signed a deal with the New York Jets. They fronted him half a million dollars because he had to resolve the five-plus paternity suits filed against him in the last two years. He has seven children from six women living in five states. Jah wonders which athlete has the most kids in the most states.
42:46 – The Daily Beast rated Cincinnati as the craziest city in the U.S. The list used four criteria to decide this: 1) The number of psychiatrists per capita, 2) the city’s overall stress level, 3) the city’s overall eccentricity and 4) the overall issues with drinking alcohol.
44:14 – R&B Jesus, a.k.a. D’Angelo, 36 years old, was arrested on March 6 in the West Village of NYC after he allegedly tried to get a female police officer posing as a prostitute to give him oral sex.
58:49 – Steven Johnson, 59, has worked as a jail guard in Dallas for almost 17 years. Co-workers claim he has a long history of making offensive comments. He was suspended in 2000 for calling several black inmates he was processing “niggers.” He was disciplined in 2008 after giving his candid opinions on “illegal aliens.” He was just fired for interrupting a private meeting of jailhouse staff to tell them that all the gays should be put to death. He then showed a co-worker a binder that proved his family once owned slaves. He claims the Bible supports his feelings on slavery and blacks. He also said, “They made it out to be that I was a bigot.” In a sworn statement he said that all homosexuals should be put to death but that his beliefs don’t lead him to treat gays any differently. He also said on tape, “I believe all dinosaurs were born of a Satanic angel who had sex with women and the animal kingdom then created ungodly reptilian creatures. None of these creatures were on Noah’s Ark.”
4:05 – Baby name expert Pamela Redmond Satron compiled a list of elite baby names. If you want your baby boy to have any chance of a life, you may want to consider naming him Finn, Asher, Jasper, Kai, Atticus, Milo, Sawyer, Finnius, Auden.
15:18 – Indiana prosecutors have filed voyeurism charges against a 40-year-old man named David Delagrange. He allegedly filmed upskirt videos of 10 different women with his specially made bootrigged video camera. There’s a little hiccup with the case because the laws in Indiana don’t apply to voyeurism in public places; only in a peeping tom situation.
18:44 – Jah reveals that somebody’s trying to get Milli Vanilli’s Grammy back to them because there have been plenty of winning acts since then that have done the same thing with ghost vocals.
20:11 – Time magazine’s website wrote an article stating there is an ongoing debate within the scientific community: can animals commit suicide? Jah thinks there is a high suicide rate among birds, and Seth agrees.
25:09 – Police in Connecticut were waiting in a parking lot of a local bank to meet 27-year-old Albert Bailey and the 16-year-old he brought with him. Bailey had called the bank about 10 minutes earlier, where he spoke to an employee and told her to get a bag of money ready because they were about to rob it. The sergeant said the bank robbers appeared “not so bright.”
31:33 – According to the new book The Male Brain by Dr. Louanne Brisindine , the sexual pursuit area of the male brain – located in the hypothalamuse – is 2.5 times larger than a female’s. This is due to testosterone and the area enlarging.
43:53 – According to the National Retail Federation, consumers are ready for spring and plan to spend a little more this Sunday between candy, cards, gifts, etc. Consumers 25-34 are expected to spend around $136.79 per person.
49:00 – Police are looking for a 56-year-old man living in Woodstock, Ga., who was trying to purchase a 5-year-old boy on the internet for sex. The man’s name is Patrick Molesti.
51:39 – Seth reads from an obituary from a man named Kermit Tyler. “Don’t worry about it.” – Those words, which Tyler uttered on a peaceful Sunday morning in 1941 of the Hawaiian island of Oahu, would haunt him for the rest of his life. He was an Army Air Force first lieutenanton temporary duty on Fort Shatner’s radar information center when on the morning of Dec. 7 a radar operator on the northern tip of the island reported that he saw unusually large blips on their radar screen indicating a large number of aircraft about 132 miles away. “Don’t worry about it,” Tyler told the radar operator, thinking it was just the flight of a US B-17 bomber. Instead, it turned out to be the first wave of more than 180 Japanese fighters, torpedo bombers, dive bombers and horizontal bombers whose surprise attack on Pearl Harbor shortly after 8 a.m. plunged the U.S. into World War II. “You know I wake up at night sometimes and think about it,” he told the Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J. in 2007, “but I don’t feel guilty.”
2:14 – The U.S. Census Bureau reports that some parts of the nation, namely Texas and Alabama, are lagging behind in sending in the 2010 Census. Director Robert Groves said, “Every household that fails to send back their census form by mail must be visited by a census taker starting in May at a significant taxpayer cost.”
3:34 – A group of Confederate rights activists is urging Southerners to declare their “heritage and culture” by classifying themselves as “Confederate Southern Americans.” This would be under the blank spaces under question #9 asking for “Race.” They claim that this will help protect them because federal law makes it illegal to discriminate based on a citizen’s ancestry or culture.
7:01 – The entire species of koala bears (Episode 141, 45:46) is currently being threatened by an outbreak of Koala AIDS, or “KIDS.”
12:24 – Markus Bestin, 25, Nevada’s first male prostitute, from the Shady Lady Ranch (Episode 200, 9:51). He’s otherwise known as a “prostidude.” Here’s his quote: “I’m basically doing what Rosa Parks did when she decided to sit at the front of the bus and not the back.” He’s left the Shady Lady Ranch after a two-month stint because he only saw nine customers. Shady Lady hired a new guy who works under the name “Why Not?”
14:02 – Subway will unveil a new breakfast menu this week. Cage-free eggs are the centerpiece. Egg and cheese sandwich will start at $1.75 and will be available in their 23,000 locations.
15:09 – Ricky Martin came out of the closet. Jonathan’s father delivered this news to him this week.
22:54 – Federal investigators submitted phony products to the government’s energy efficiency certification program and found it very easy to obtain the coveted Energy Star rating. The Energy Department and EPA gave approval to 15 of the 20 fake products they submitted. One of them is a 1-1/2-foot by 1-1/2-foot gasoline-powered alarm clock, another was an air room cleaner that was a space heater with a feather duster taped to it.
28:32 – Actor Aaron Johnson (19), star of the film Kick Ass, just played a young John Lennon in a British film called Nowhere Boy. He’s currently engaged to be married to the director of that move, Sam Taylor Wood (43). She’s pregnant with their first child.
31:21 – The first online private high school for Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered youths has opened to business, so far to limited interest. The GLBTQ (Q for Questioning) currently has 6 students. None of them are from Minnesota, even though the founder and executive director, David Glick, is the founder and executive director. Glick, who runs the school out of his home in St. Paul, said the dirth of students results from its mid-year start, but school officials continue to receive inquiries from potential students and Glick says he expects enrollment to increase by 50-100 by fall. Enrollment also could increase if the school has a successful campaign to raise funds for its startup costs and student tuition subsidies. Annual tuition is $5,900 per year for a full-time student, and that rate compares favorably to similar types of home schools. It is open to students nationwide because it’s private and online. Its faculty and administration are actually scattered all over. The school has 14 teachers and counselors that all live in other states. The servers the students use to access the curriculum and interface with instructors is based in Florida. Glick says, “We are headquartered in cyberspace.”
36:25 – U.S. intelligence officers have some secret recordings of a Chicago cab driver originally from Pakistan who’s been traveling back and forth dealing with Al-Qaeda. They have audio of him in a coffeeshop speaking freely, claiming Osama bin Laden is alive and well and giving orders for Al-Qaeda.
39:18 – British secret intelligence is reporting that female suicide bombers could be recruited by Al-Qaeda, planting explosives in their breast implants that would be able to bypass security.
41:34 – A provision in the newly passed health care bill adds a 10% tax on tanning salon fees. The Indoor Tanning Association (ITA) is mad. This will go into effect Thursday, July 1.
43:30 – Larry Gene Pendley was hunting on opening day of turkey season in Central California. He went out with 5 of his friends early in the morning. He was crawling on his hands and knees through a bush trying to sneak up on a turkey when one of his friends mistook him for a turkey, fired and shot and killed him.
46:24 – Santa Fe, N.M. features a lot of turqoise and is known for its abundance of new age healers. Arthur Firstenberg says he’s hyper-sensitive to certain frequencies of electromagnetic radiation. He moved to Santa Fe to get away from it all. He found a home at the end of a narrow lane that he thought would be a refuge from physical and neurological symptoms that have plagued him for three decades. But last October, when a friend of his rented a house on the next block that was backed up to his property, the familiar waves of nausea, vertigo, body aches, dizziness, heart arythmia and insomnia all returned. He says it was because this friend of his was using an iPhone, laptop, wireless router, dimmer switches and microwaves in the home. When he couldn’t reach an agreement with this person, he sued him in state district court, seeking $530,000 in damages. His doctor treated him and testified at the hearing that she is convinced that electromagnetic hypersensitivity is a real disorder that affects his nervous system.
10:59 – There is a new social networking site called Unvarnished, which is in private testing. It’s like Yelp! for people. It has a reputation marketplace where anyone can post anonymous reviews about anyone else. You access the site through Facebook, you must be invited by a current user. There are several-hundred now. You can only register after you’ve written a review of the person who invites you and you must accept every review – you can’t remove them. There are 400,000 pre-loaded Silicon Valley profiles in order to jump-start it.
14:10 – Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz directed his store designers to “break the mold” and build a neighborhood test coffee shop from the ground up. It’s located in Seattle’s eclectic Capitol Hill section. It’s home to a vibrant gay community, indie rockers, hipsters and mansion owners. It’s called Roy Street Coffee & Tea by Starbucks. It features heavy velvet curtains, indie movie nights, single origin coffees, small-craft brews, organic wines, vegan pastries and gourmet cheeses.
20:14 – A federal judge has barred Albuquerque (which Jah can’t spell correctly) from enforcing an ordinance that banned registered sex offenders from using their public libraries. The judge said it violated their First Amendment rights.
25:57 – Seth talks about the Ministry Family Radio, whose judgment day was May 21, 2011. He’s been getting a lot of mail from them and almost expects to do so every time he goes to the mailbox. The latest literature reads: “The end of the world is almost here. Holy God will bring judgment day on May 21, 2011.” Seth wonders if he should call them and ask if they can make an agreement that when the world doesn’t end on May 21, they have to stop sending him stuff.
28:00 – A decades-old policy affecting U.S. pilots will be reversed this week. Pilots taking antidepressants were not allowed to fly planes under the old policy. Under the new policy, pilots can seek FAA permission to take 1 of 4 drugs – Eli Lilly’s Prozac, Pfizer’s Zoloft and Forest Laboratories’ Celexa or Lexipro. FAA policy bans pilots from flying if they claim depression but don’t take one of these four drugs.
37:40 – Cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse by arranging liaisons via text messages is now called “chexting.”
43:26 – It is official that Barack Obama is the country’s first black president. It has been confirmed by a White House spokesman that Obama checked “Black/African-American or Negro” on Question No. 9 of the 2010 U.S. Census.
44:55 – 22-year-old Justin James Warren Green of Birmingham, Ala., was arrested for slapping his 2-year-old daughter across the left side of her face for eating some of his BBQ Pringles.
48:04 – 6-year-old Samantha Kuberski was a happy kid who did well at school, which is why tragedy was compounded by a shock back in January when medical examiners in Yamhill County, south of Portland, declared Samantha’s death a suicide, making her the youngest person to take her own life in Oregon’s history. On Dec. 2, the first-grader was allegedly sent to her room after getting in a fight with her mom. While her mother and three sisters were in other parts of the McMinnville house, Samantha reportedly crawled into an unused crib that had no mattress or box spring, tied a corduroy belt around her neck and onto the crib’s top rung and hung herself. She was found unconscious and rushed to a hospital where she was pronounced dead. Her parents and siblings were later interviewed by police, who ruled out any foul play and said they found no signs that the young girl had ever been abused. Other detectives would rather rule it an accident because of her age.
57:40 – Rosalyn Cartwright, the former director of the Sleep Disorder Center at Chicago’s Rush University Medical Center, wrote a book due out next month called The 24-Hour Mind, a psychological thriller resolving around sleepwalking. When sleepwalking, a person’s frontal lobe is completely asleep. You also lose all facial recognition whatsoever.
1:51 – Seth explains to us that a simple battery occurs when a person makes intentional contact of an insulting or provoking nature with a person of another or causes intentional harm to another. It is a misdemeanor, however it becomes a misdemeanor of aggravated nature when committed against certain classes of persons, e.g. the elderly, a pregnant woman, a police officer, a child, and also a sports official while the official is officiating any amateur contest. Seth reads this to us there was an amateur official that made a shitty call recently and got shoved, and the shover was charged with aggravated assault. Jah likes the law because it keeps the kids safe.
9:52 – 50% of the security cameras in the NYC Subway system are completely defective.
12:00 – In the summer of 1984 there was a movie called Red Dawn, and now they’re remaking it.
14:21 – Seth has read some reports from the Nielsen company that Road House is the most cable-ized movie of all time.
17:57 – Four years ago, a Little Saigon fortune teller and her daughter were found stabbed to death. Their hands and faces were covered with white paint. The killers fled with credit cards, jewelry and cash. Five weeks after this happened, police arrested a woman named Tanya Nelson in North Carolina in the slayings of the fortune teller, Ha Jade Smith, and her daughter. Police said Nelson was caught allegedly assuming the identities of the victims and spending more than $3,000 on clothing. Police speculated that theft was the motive. Prosecutors added another twist to the bizarre case this week: Smith and her daughter were stabbed to death because a spell did not work. Nelson, a longtime client of Smith's, blamed the fortuneteller for a fortune gone bad and was so angered that she decided to kill her, said Deputy Dist. Atty. Sonia Balleste, who is prosecuting Nelson at the murder trial in Orange County Superior Court. A letter found in Nelson's North Carolina home indicated that Nelson wanted Smith to change the fortune, Balleste said. Smith wrote in the letter that she could not do so, Balleste said. And Nelson felt so cheated out of her money that she decided to fly to Orange County to kill Smith.
20:49 – According to the parenting book, Nurture Shock, which brought us, “Is Your Baby Racist?” (Episode 183, 57:52) infants from 9 months old to 2 years old should not be spoken to in baby talk. Parents should avoid any and all goo-goo and ga-ga talk.
23:14 – Low-cost carrier Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16; Episode 159, 21:24) has become the first airline in the world to charge flyers for putting carry-on bags into their overhead storage bins, possibly up to $45 each way.
25:18 – So many people are flying with small pets in airline cabins, and the 1 in 10 people with allergies to animals are being put at great risk. The preferences of pet owners should not supercede the well-being of their fellow passengers, according to the spokesman of a lobbying group. Jah thinks it’s clear there are people who want provisions made for them and their pets, and it should be its own market and should have to deal with it. There should be either animal flights or non-animal flights.
28:20 – Foot Locker has announced some store closings. Jah describes the smell of a Foot Locker store as the blend of a super-clean smell with a super-dirty smell. Some of their underperforming stores are going to be shuttered, including Lady Foot Locker and Kids Foot Locker.
30:29 – Google has announced they are building and testing an experimental, high-speed, fiber optic network that would make the internet “the dial tone of the 21st Century.”
39:35 – BeenVerified.com is America’s #1 background check. You can run it right on your home computer.
41:29 – Less than 10% of blind people in the United States read Braille.
50:31 – An Arizona man who allegedly stole the identity of a San Francisco physician and posed as a doctor running a West Los Angeles sperm back, has been arrested on suspicion of sexually assaulting/fondling two men. Jeffrey Lynn Graybill of Phoenix is accused of pretending to be “Dr. Richard Richardson” and soliciting sperm donors for the nonexistent fertility clinic. Graybill was brought back to Los Angeles after being arrested Wednesday in Arizona, investigators said. He had moved from Marina del Rey to Phoenix in August. Investigators believe that there may be more than two dozen other victims in California and Arizona. Although he had no medical license, Graybill allegedly advertised himself as a physician through Internet listings on Craigslist and solicited potential clients, offering up to $4,000 monthly for sperm donations for “stem cell and other research.” Graybill, a property manager, had been trained as an emergency medical technician and used leftover medical equipment such as a stethoscope and blood pressure monitor to convince men that he was a doctor, said Officer Ian Carbonell of the LAPD. Graybill arranged to meet the first victim at the man's home June 10 and the second on June 20 at an apartment Graybill managed. He is accused of posing as a physician and fondling both men, Carbonell said. After Graybill failed to pay the men, one of them filed a complaint with Los Angeles police in June, triggering the investigation, Carbonell said. He said Phoenix police also are investigating Graybill in connection with several similar assaults on men there.
3:18 – 150,000 of the 1.5 million kids in the U.S. are what people are calling “unschooled.” The kids make the rules – no chores, no punishments and no judgment. The parents allow for it as an exercise in what they call “personal exploration and discovery.” Jonathan says this used to be called college.
20:01 – Library of Congress has announced that they have acquired every tweet in existence. Since Twitter began in March of 2006, there are billions in their database. Twitter execs say they have 105 million registered users and are adding around 300,000 new ones every day, and there are about 50 million new tweets every day.
33:45 – 28-year-old married father with two small children Daniel DuPuis was arraigned on a felony charge of masturbating at the school where he works as an elementary music teacher. He admitted to masturbating five times in his locked office. School administrators were notified by the janitor, who found a tissue in the teacher’s waste basket that “smelled like semen.”
44:32 – The Supreme Court is hearing a case about a California SWAT team officer who sued the city of Ontario, Calif., for violating his privacy after superiors looked at personal messages he sent on his work-issued pager. He said they didn’t have the right to do it. He had been sending texts to both his estranged wife and girlfriend, who he worked with. The main problem is the Supreme Court judges aren’t that tech-savvy. Midway through the argument, Chief Justice John Roberts asked, “What’s the difference between e-mail and a pager?” At another point, Justice Anthony Kennedy asked, “All right, what would happen if a text message was sent at the exact same time another text message was sent? Does it say ‘Your call’s important to us and we’ll get back to you.’?”
48:36 – An American Airlines passenger, Brad Bisallion, posted a picture of the plane he flew on, which had duct tape on the wing. American Airlines confirmed this, and said it was called “high-speed tape,” in the aviation industry. An aviation consultant said, “I would be surprised if today, right now, there’s not an airplane on every airline in the United States that’s not flying around with some of this stuff on it.”
56:43 – Analysts predict as many as 4 million 3D televisions could be sold this year. Manufacturers are making sure consumers are aware of potential side effects from the technology. User manuals warn that the viewer could experience intense headaches, eye strain, fatigue and/or dryness or blurred vision, muscle twitches, problems with balance, nausea, light-headedness. Pregnant women should take extra precautions and people at risk of strokes or seizures should consult a medical professional before watching it. Absolutely no alcohol while you’re watching it and users should take frequent breaks.
5:45 – Seth’s mother says hello to everybody and she wanted Seth to mention that Thomas Angove has passed away at 92. He was the inventor of boxed wine.
6:52 – 23-year-old LaShawn Merritt is the reigning Olympic and world 400-meter track champion. He has accepted a two-year ban from running after failing a USA Track & Field drug test that was the result of his use of over-the-counter penis enlargement product Extenze (Episode 062, 44:46). Explaining his mistake of not knowing the ingredients in it, he says “To know that I’ve tested positive is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around.”
9:03 – Adam Jones, a 24-year-old centerfielder for the Baltimore Orioles, is the only black dude on the Orioles’ roster. The Orioles are 4-18, worst in the MLB at air time. Jah wonders how lame the bus rides are when they’re all singing along to Dave Matthews Band and he’s rolling his eyes.
10:13 – Kathryn Bigelow has announced a follow-up to her film The Hurt Locker, which won her a Best Director Oscar this year. Next month in L.A. she’s going to be shooting a Revlong lipstick commercial with Jessica Biel.
25:52 – The average speed, in miles per hour, of a man’s ejaculate, is 28 miles per hour. Seth thinks Jah’s is 33. Seth and Jah say Jim Carrey is the Nolan Ryan of jizz, reaching 96-97 miles per hour
28:02 – 75-year-old Ronald Wayne, who lives in a modest home on a small state pension in the retiree town of Pahrump, Nev., is often referred to as the “third founder of Apple Computers.” He worked side-by-side with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in the early to mid-1970s. Wayne had a 10% share of the Apple Computer Company and sold them in 1976 for $800. They would be worth in the billions at this point if he had kept them.
31:26 – SETI (The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) has an array of radio telescopes, about 350 high-tech dishes spread out over the 90 acres of the Northern California wilderness. They’ve decided they’re going to give their raw data and algorithms out to the public so they can harness the power of everyone’s findings.
32:47 – NASA just held a conference to discuss alien life in Houston to commemorate 50 years of research.
36:17 – Just like when he donated $27,777 in late 1978 to save the “Y” in the HOLLYWOOD sign (Episode 049, 43:41), Hugh Hefner came in at the very last second and gave $900,000 to the Trust for Public Land, giving them the $12.5 million they needed to buy the Cahuenga Peak from a development firm and make it a permanent part of Griffith Park.
49:00 – This month marks the 50th anniversary of “the pill” in the U.S. Nowadays women can choose between the pill, patches, rings, implants and even the morning-after pill. Yet despite all these options, one-half of all pregnancies in the U.S. – more than 3 million a year – are unintended. Jah thinks the better option would be for guys to take a pill that makes “dum-dum sperm” that don’t know how to swim for 24 hours.
1:52 – Seth congratulates Goodluck Jonathan (Episode 207, 56:20), who has officially been sworn in as president of Nigeria.
2:26 – A paper in the May issue of the journal Symbolic Interaction suggests that parents have a very hard time grasping their teen’s sexuality, thinking their own kids are innocent and are not really interested in sex, while everyone else’s kids are highly sexual.
7:07 – Mom Logic is a website with the slogan “What Moms are Talking About,” and claims that the day after Mother’s Day is the second-busiest day of the year for female member sign-ups at Ashley Madison. Number 1 day of the year is the day after Valentine’s Day. A typical Monday at Ashley Madison sees roughly 2,500 to 3,000 new women sign up. The day after Mother’s Day last year saw 24,000. This year they expected 30,000.
11:38 – Former First Lady Laura Bush has a new book out called Spoken From the Heart. In it she looks back on the night in 1963 when she was driving with a girlfriend of hers, they were having a discussion, she ran a stop sign and killed somebody. Her quote: “The whole time I was praying that the person in the other car was alive. In my mind I was calling, ‘Please God, Please God, Please God,’ over and over again.” She never contacted his parents or went to the funeral.
17:11 – 17-year-old Phillies fan Steve Consalvi was at Citizens Bank Park and called his dad and said he wanted to run on the field. His dad told him not to do it. He ran around for about 30 seconds and got tased. The next night, a dude in a Phillies shirt at Citizens Bank Park gets on the field but doesn’t get tased. A couple weeks ago in Philadelphia, an off-duty police officer brought his two daughters and had a terrible time because everyone was drunk and swearing. He got a bunch of people escorted out of the stadium, and after they leave another guy gets up in his face to give him the business, stands behind the father and the daughter, sticks his fingers down his throat and pukes on both of them and then punched the cop in the ear. A fan nearby caught a foul ball and gave it to the girl who got puked on.
21:11 – MMA fighter Tito Ortiz was arrested last week for assaulting his live-in girlfriend and the mother of his children, former porn star Jenna Jameson. The couple met on Myspace in 2006 and last year had twin boys. In an interview, visibly shaken and very tearful, Jameson says “It’s just hard to trust anybody in my life. It makes you wonder what you did wrong. I’m so in utter shock that this happened because we were America’s couple.”
29:35 – Coming in June, a dating site just for people who love Apple. Apple fanboys and Apple fangirls. It’s called “Cupidtino,” – a play on the words “Cupid” and “Cupertino,” where Apple HQ resides.
33:55 – Several passengers were forced to restrain 32-year-old Matthew Kleindorfer on a SkyWest Airlines flight from Montana to Salt Lake City after he began banging on the cockpit door, saying he was an alien and he wanted to fly the plane.
39:03 – To coincide with today’s National Prayer Day, USA Today conducted a poll concerning God and faith. 92% of those polled said there is a God, and 83% said that God answers prayers. Seth is surprised in the gap between those who believe in God and those who believe God answers prayers, while Jah is surprised that the percentage is so high for people who believe in God. A lot of people in his life struggle with that concept. Seth thinks there’s maybe 12 people in his whole life who don’t believe in God. Jah’s experience has been the polar opposite, and most everyone believes it’s all dead.
43:44 – TIME magazine released their 100 Most Influential People in the World. Sean “Diddy” Combs wrote a piece about Ashton Kutcher: “This guy will show us the future.”
48:26 – Roger Ebert wrote an article about why he hates 3D. One of his reasons is that “It adds nothing to the experience. … What would Fargo gain in 3D? Casablanca? Precious?” Seth says that if Precious was in 3D, he wouldn’t have left after 10 minutes thinking that the movie sucked; he would’ve stayed because it would have been awesome.
3:30 – If you can’t get to Hubble this week, get to a newsstand and pick up your June issue of Playboy this week and take a look at the 3D centerfold. The even more amazing thing about this edition of Playboy is that it features the first-ever playmate born in the 1990s (Episode 084, 51:05; Episode 091, 16:42; Episode 147, 53:02). Her name is Katie Vernola, and she’s Miss June. The pictoral is entitled “Little Surfer Girl.” She was born on Oct. 21, 1991. In Seth’s research, there was an October ’89, a November ’89, a December 89’, and then it just jumped to 1991.
5:35 – Jah lists off the most popular baby names of 2009 (Episode 070, 41:29; Episode 099, 36:33; Episode 145, 5:26; Episode 166, 7:38). Top 3 boys: 1) Jacob, 2) Ethan, 3) Michael. Top 3 girls: 1) Isabella, 2) Emma, 3) Olivia. Some other boys names – 159) Tanner, 194) Camden, 267) Kyler, 347) Greyson, 436) Talon, 583) Remington, 700) Sincere, 718) Gage, 879) Krish, 991) Chaz, 994) Stone, 30) Jonathan, 140) Seth. There are also a bunch of names that are so played out that you have to spell them differently: Brittneigh, Midisyn, Chyse. Some other girls names – 241) Delaney, Brielle, Dolce, Bailey, Ainsley, Journey, Brisa, Briley, Paityn, Karma, Mary Jane.
13:03 – Movie Gallery, who also owns Hollywood Video – the second-biggest movie rental chain behind Blockbuster – will be closing 2,415 locations.
17:44 – Seth got the lineup for the KROQ annual Weenie Roast, being held Saturday, June 5 at the Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre in Los Angeles. The headliners are Stone Temple Pilots, Sublime w/ Rome and Hole.
22:20 – People across the country who suffer from allergies have been turning to things called “salt rooms.” They have halo therapy, a 45-minute session that costs around $45. Designed to mimic salt caves in Eastern Europe, proponents claim its benefits extend to respiratory problems and skin conditions. The walls, floors and ceilings are coated in salt while generators grind salt into tiny particles and blow it into the air you are breathing. You sit in a chair and let the salt wash over your entire body.
32:51 – The 1940 Bel-Air estate, until recently owned by Nic Cage, is back on the market for $12.75 million. Its former owners include entertainer Dean Martin and singer Tom Jones. Cage lost the trophy home at a foreclosure auction earlier in April. The baronial mansion, at 11,800 square feet, has a central tower, custom wine cellar, 35-seat home theater, six bedrooms and nine bathrooms. It has a brick paved motor home and a basketball court. The gated house, now empty of Cage’s belongings and furniture, was open to real estate agents last week. Missing, too, are the 35 bronze wall sconce holders made from a cast of the Oscar winner’s arm.
43:02 – A satellite orbiting the earth right now called Galaxy 15 had its electronic brain fried by a solar storm and has gone rogue. It is being called a zombie satellite. It’s hurtling through outer space at about 22,000 miles per hour above the earth and the wayward equipment could possibly hit other orbiting satellites and knock out our television throughout the entire country.
46:25 – Movieline is reporting that the jive-talking, illiterate, gold-toothed robots from Transformers 2, Mudflap and Skids (Episode 172, 12:49), will not return for July 2011’s Transformers 3. Seth read the comments portion of this story, and people were comparing them to the Jar-Jar Binks of the Transformers world. A man who goes by the name “Lucas” defended the characters: “Yes, they were racist, but these bots got all their knowledge from TV and movies, and that is the way that blacks have been depicted.”
48:47 – The rise of dude food, or bachelor chow. Spencer Walker has taken the “recipes that will get you laid” from his popular food blog and published a book this week called Cook to Bang. “Cunny linguini,” “Beat yo’ meat salad,” “Bust a nut squash,” “Diddle that cous-cous,” “Eggs beg-a-dick,” “Fishy pink tacos,” “Don’t catch crabs dip,” “Spank my halibut,” “Eat-a my pita sinwich,” and “Pop their cherry jubilee.”
54:23 – The only way to determine a lake sturgeon’s sex currently is to examine its internal sexual organs. While analyzing DNA from the gonads of lake sturgeons, Purdue University researchers found that the sturgeon genome contains a gene called trematode that didn’t originally belong to it and may harbor a protozoan parasite that causes a sexually transmitted disease in humans.
56:58 – There has been a movement in the medical world to possibly change the standard colors of the standard-issue hospital gowns. Scientists Mark Changizi and Kevin Rio believe the venerable hospital gown needs a makeover. In a study published recently in the journal Medical Hypotheses, they argue that the typical hospital gown colors — usually a solid blue or green or a print on a white background — may not help health professionals see if skin tones are changing, signaling a serious condition such as cyanosis. Cyanosis produces a blue or purplish color to the skin and mucous membranes, signifying that there may be less oxygen in the bloodstream. Pale or yellow-tinged skin can signal other health problems. One solution, they suggest, is to give patients gowns and sheets that are close in color to their skin tone.
3:27 – The U.S. apologized officially to Indians in Washington D.C. this week. A Republican senator has read a congressional apology for “ill-conceived policies and acts of violence against American Indians by the U.S. government.” Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas spoke to a crowd that included the leaders of the Cherokee, Choctaw, Muskogee, Sisseton, Wahpeton, Oyate and Pawnee nations. Cherokee nation chief Chad Smith said that while most tribes had not specifically asked for a formal apology, the gesture was greatly appreciated.
5:38 – Anti-identity theft company Lifelock is led by CEO Todd Davis, who gives out his social security number freely. In the last three years, Davis has been the victim of identity theft at least 13 times, and the company was fined $12 million in March by the FTC.
22:48 – June 4, 2010. It’s called Splice. Superstar genetic engineers Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley achieve fame by successfully splicing together the DNA of different animals to create incredible new animal hybrids. Now they want to up the stakes and use human DNA in a hybrid that could revolutionize both science and medicine. But when the pharmaceutical company that funds their research forbids it, they secretly conduct their own experiments in the pursuit of even greater scientific discovery. Ignoring all of society’s ethical and legal boundaries, the two scientists create a new creature of strange beauty, uncommon intelligence and unexpected physical developments. They name it “Dren.” (Episode 133, 17:59).
30:41 – Newsweek put out their Fear Index to let us know what we’re scared about. 2.2 million burglaries happen a year and 8.3 million identity thefts happen a year. There are 28 shark attacks a year and 4.5 million dog bites. There are 321 fatal airline disasters a year and 34,017 fatal car crashes.
37:09 – Philadelphia postal agents went to the home of a carrier who had not been to work since February. They have not found him as of yet but they have found about 20,000 pieces of mail dating back to 1997 in his garage. The post office has begun the process of mailing those out.
47:30 – Seth read an article about the volcano that stranded travelers. A dude gets back to Denver after being stuck over there, gets in his car, drives it out of the parking garage and the attendant asks for $800.
49:48 – Togetherville is a social network for kids ages 6-10 that launched this week. It’s free to join. Kids’ accounts must be created by their parents’ own Facebook accounts. Parents can approve and reject their kids’ friends.
1:07:55 – There was a female nurse in Los Angeles who got off her shift at 3 a.m., was driving home and stopped at a gas station at Pico Blvd. and Western Ave. to pump gas. There was a crazy car accident out on the street where a car went into a lightpole, knocked the lightpole over and hit a dude and knocked him out. She left the pump in her car and ran over to tend to this pedestrian. As she’s doing that and a crowd has gathered around, some woman sees the nurse helping out and runs over to the gas station, gets in her car and steals it. The nurse leaves the guy, who ends up dying, and tries to get her car and ends up getting dragged 60 feet down Western. The woman was eventually arrested later.
18:44 – Seth read about the World Sauna Championships, which are held in Finland each year. They’ve had it for 11 years and every single year it’s been won by a Fin. Seth wishes an American would get in this competition and beat the Fin. There are 5.2 million people in Finland and 2 million saunas. They start the sauna at 230 degrees and pour water on it. The winner can do about 10 minutes. Breathing through the nose causes you to burn the skin.
21:32 – The guy who won the Boston Marathon in 2003, 2006, 2007 and 2008 was named Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot. The guy who won this year’s marathon was Robert Kiprono Cheruiyot. The International Track & Field Federation said there are 36 Cheruiyots in the Kenyan highlands training for competition.
24:21 – Apple has officially ended its “I’m A Mac” campaign. Seth thinks he could’ve seen another 4-5 of those and not minded (Episode 094,16:54). The last commercial was on TV last October. The first spot with Justin Long and John Hodgman debuted in 2006. Apple pulled all the spots from its website, which totaled more than 60 in TV and print.
26:20 – The New York Yankees and Yankee Stadium have banned anyone entering the stadium from bringing in an iPad. They say it should be classified as a laptop. The Boston Red Sox and Fenway Stadium do not have a ban on them.
35:40 – Thousands of pieces of undelivered mail have now been found in another home dating back to the early 1990s. They have been found in a shed in Michigan by the sister of a 66-year-old former postal service worker. His name is Earl Hicks and is retired in Florida. He said he was so overwhelmed by his route that he began bringing the mail home. He feared if he ever brought it in he would lose his job.
46:32 – There was a cop in UYD’s neck of the woods, in Costa Mesa, who was charged on Thursday with hiding a GPS tracking system in a woman’s car so he could follow her around. Aaron Paul Parsons, 30, was charged with one misdemeanor count of unlawful use of an electronic tracking device. He hid the device in her vehicle on March 18 and then would allegedly just show up at places where she happened to be. She went and looked in and around her car after several run-ins and found it, stamped “CMPD.”
59:30 – It’s estimated that 45 million Americans drive our roads every day without buckling up.
4:50 – AMC Entertainment could not come to an agreement with the property owner of an AMC 24, so the country’s very first megaplex with stadium seating – which opened in 1995 – will be closing this December. Seth read the comments section and one commenter was really sad because he recalled getting his first handjob while watching Titanic there.
9:41 – UC-Berkeley is going to send all 5,500 incoming freshmen and transfer students swabs in the mail and they’re being asked if they are willing to return them with DNA cells from the inside of their mouths. The swabs would then be analyzed for gene variations that affect people’s reactions to 3 dietary substances – lactose, folic acid and alcohol. The programs is being called “Bring Your Genes to Cal,” and has already come under fire from various privacy activists, etc. Jah doesn’t know about this, but he does knw that Elijah Wood had a portrait of his DNA made into artwork for his wall. Seth is down with this.
13:10 – The California Department of Justice arrested 31 people after a 4-month investigation into the fraudulent redemption of out-of-state recyclable cans and bottles. It totaled about $3.5 million that were redeemed at 5 cents per bottle. The crew would take the redeemables from Mexico, Arizona and Nevada, then store them at a home in Las Vegas. They would then truck them across state lines into Montclair, Calif., where they were broken down into smaller loads so as not to look suspicious and then brought all over Southern California to different locations. Jah wonders how they uncovered that. Seth thinks it’s like Bosworth, they had to go undercover, Stone Cold style.
21:16 – Seth informs us that 50 Cent is back Episode 220, 5:56). He already regained the weight after becomng Dave Chapelle for a short time.
21:59 – Seth dips back into Splice, Episode 219, 22:48), saying dren is DTF and we’re talking about a serious Orphan situation.
30:07 – Freeway Ricky Ross is suing Rick Ross because Freeway Ricky Ross is a convicted Los Angeles cocaine kingpin. He was born Ricky Donnell Ross. He’s out of jail and planning to sue the rapper Rick Ross, whose real name is William Leonard Roberts, for profiting off the unlawful use of his name. Freeway Ricky Ross was the leader of a drug empire in South Los Angeles in the early 80s. He got the nickname Freeway because he owned so many properties along the Harbor Freeway. He was making $3 million a day. He was arrested buying 100 kg of cocaine from an undercover federal agent and served 14 years in jail. He just got out. He’s super upset because while he was in the clink Rick Ross created this huge persona, and Rick Ross actually spent time as a Florida Corrections Officer in the early 90s, and Freeway don’t play that. Seth wonders if there was an MC Sirhan Sirhan, would he get sued by the Bobby Kennedy killer?
49:26 – The National Consumers League has named their Worst Teen Jobs for this summer, and #1 is Traveling Youth Sales jobs. More than 40,000 teens will spend the summer going door-to-door selling magazines and household cleaning supplies, etc. During the history of this fine youth job movement, kids have been robbed, assaulted, deserted and murdered. Another big problem is car accidents that occur with vanloads of kids and unlicensed drivers who lug them around and drop them off in neighborhoods.
51:24 – Father Gregory Boyle started Homeboy Industries 20 years ago. It gives former LA gang members jobs, counseling and tattoo removal. Their motto is “Nothing stops a bullet like a job.” They have their Homeboy Bakery and Homegirl Café. Due to budget constraints in these tough economic times, Father Boyle has had to lay off nearly all of his 300 employees.
57:10 – A used car salesman from California named Ruben Hernandez, 34, was just sentenced to 12 years in prison for a crazy house buying fraud scheme where he was using fake social security numbers and bank statements. He stole $4 million from banks and was arrested after being nabbed in a high-speed chase. They searched his Pasadena home and found a creeptastic bedroom with voodoo-like shrines and effigy dolls. Three of the voodoo dolls were dunked upside-down in brown liquid. One had the name of the district attorney on it and the other 2 had names of investigators who were tracking them. They had to call in a professor from UCLA, who said it’s a curse tied to the Palo Mayombe religion, which was brought to the Caribbean during the slave trade. When they questioned the guy, he said it wasn’t voodoo, he said it was “spiritual acupuncture.” The DEA said that around the time of the hearing, his left foot for no reason swelled up and it was crazy painful.
3:16 – The highest one-week tally recorded in the 16 years of the Sound Scan Data was in December 2000. 45.4 million albums were sold that week. This past week, some say it’s the lowest since the early 1970s. Just under 5 million albums were sold last week.
7:27 – Next Friday, the 25th of June, marks the 1-year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death.
23:54 – William Shatner boldly goes where no dad should go based on the Twitter sensation “Shit My Dad Says.”
25:16 – U.S. lawmakers have demanded company records from two contractors they say were hired by Johnson and Johnson to buy back all the defective Motrin children’s medicine from stores in what they were calling a “phantom recall.” Johnson & Johnson paid inventory counting services to have agents go into the stores, pharmacies and gas stations where it was and purchase all of them as if they were actual customers.
34:11 – NASA is inviting the American public to send their portraits into outer space. One of the final two space missions this year – you can choose Discovery in September or Endeavor in November – you just sign up and upload your photo. You will receive flight confirmation and a certificate signed by the mission commander. Seth wonders if anyone can do it for them.
35:55 – In 2004, Frank McCourt bought the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team. He was a real estate developer in Boston who tried to buy the Red Sox but failed miserably. He hired his wife of 30 years, Jamie, as the new Dodgers CEO. Last October, they filed for divorce. Through their legal filings and papers and such, much of their dirty laundry has been aired. One of the things revealed on TMZ a little while ago was that she tried to go up to the stadium with her attorneys and the security had to stop her from even coming in. In the separation/divorce, she was supposed to get some type of monthly stipend. She asked the judge for $1 million a month, but last month he awarded her $637,000 a month. It was found out that their two adult sons were on the Dodgers’ payroll. One was making $200,000 a year and one was making $400,000, but they had no job title and no specific duties. Now we’ve learned that the McCourts hired a 71-year-old Russian physicist named Vladimir Shpunt as a “special advisor” to the Dodgers. His job was to watch every game on television from his home in Boston and sent positive energy to the team and its players. He lived most of his life in Russia and knows absolutely nothing about baseball, but was paid a six-figure salary for his long-distance healing, which was called “V Energy.” His grandfather was a village healer in Russia and he supposedly has healing power in his hands where he does touch therapy. At one point he put his hand on Jamie McCourt’s eye when she had an eye infection and was healed. There was a player on the Dodgers named Jayson Werth, who was into alternative holistic healing. He had an injury and they did some long-distance healing on him, and he ended up suing the Dodgers for misdiagnosis.
42:40 – The U.S. Federal Trade Commission is urging the photocopier industry to address privacy risks arriving from the fact that digital copiers store thousands of documents on their internal hard drives. CBS News reported in mid-April that nearly every copier built since 2002 stores images of documents that pass through the machines. The report found sensitive health and law enforcement information on copiers ready to be re-sold. In a recent letter to Rep. Ed Markey (Mass.), FTC Chairman John Leibowitz said the agency is examining whether copier makers and resellers are warning their customers about the privacy risks. He called the hard drives a treasure trove for identity thieves who could obtain social security numbers, birth certificates, medical records and bank records.
45:33 – Zappos, an online shoe store, has a call center in Las Vegas called the Customer Loyalty Team. The owner of Zappos says it’s a branding opportunity. They offer them no script and no time limit, and give full discretion to make the caller happy. They cut to a guy in a cubicle with his headset on. On his computer screen he has an IMDB page up, and he’s on the phone with a woman who was calling to see if she could get the boots that she saw someone wearing in a Lifetime TV movie. So he’s looking it up and even suggesting going to YouTube. They said the longest customer service call they’ve ever had is 5 hours and 57 minutes. Seth wonders who many old-ass people saw this report on CBS News and started calling Zappos.
1:00:19 – There’s a newly identified human retro virus called XMRV – Xenotropic murine leukemia virus-related virus. There are only two other retro viruses – HIV, which causes AIDS, and HLV I and II, which causes T-cell Leukemia and T-Cell Lymphoma. XMRV is transmitted through bodily fluids. Right now research indicates that it can lead to prostate cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome and various neurological disorders. This came about because there’s a ban in play that prohibits gay men who have had sex since 1977 from donating blood. It was enacted in the hysteria of the early 80s.
4:13 – Los Angeles’ Museum of Contemporary Art Downtown is going to present the first survey at a major U.S. museum of Dennis Hopper’s career as a fine artist. It’s called “Dennis Hopper: Double Standard.” It will feature nearly 200 pieces of his work – photos, paintings, mixed media, etc. Los Angeles magazine, which hit newsstands Friday, June 11 (their July issue), reads “Here’s hoping that Hopper, who has terminal cancer, will be there to see it.”
6:57 – The Thursday, Sept. 11, 2003 issue of Entertainment Weekly that Seth has featured a “Winner of the Week” section featuring a cartoon drawing of Johnny Cash. It reads, “Johnny Cash saw sales of his 10-month old album American Four more than double.” Cash died the next day.
8:09 – On Friday, Sept. 12, 2003, syndicated newspaper columnist, astrologer Joyce Jilson, published an astrological horoscope talking about John Ritter – whose birthday was upcoming on the 17th. It reads: “John Ritter is a loveable character. Having a Virgo sun sign helps keep his career ticking.” Ritter had died the night before at St. Joseph’s in Burbank after collapsing on the set of his television show from a defective heart.
9:42 – General Mills Inc. said it was the subject of a hoax press release that said President Obama had ordered a probe into the cereal maker’s supply chain after recent recalls. The hoaxy release was sent overnight on the PR Newswire, one of the main U.S. distributors of corporate press announcements. Some major news media had reported contents from the release before the hoax had been discovered. PR Newswire issued a statement saying the release came from an unauthorized sender. General Mills said it removed the unauthorized release within minutes, but some automated alerts with links to the fake release further disseminated the contents.
17:43 – Pampers introduced their first high-performance diaper for active babies. They added to their Swaddler and Cruiser diapers a new Dri-Max technology, which makes the diapers thinner and more form-fitting. They are therefore greener. Many parents have gone on to the internet and also to lawyers claiming that the diapers cause severe rashes, burns and redness.
21:23 – There was a party in Beverly Hills last week thrown by Vertu cell phones to mark the official opening of its Rodeo Drive boutique. The Vertu signature cell phone is an individually handmade phone crafted by one man in Hamshire, England. It’s owned by Nokia. One of the phones on display was fashioned out of an 83 karat sapphire with platinum, black leather and rubies. It costs $70,000 and also comes with the Vertu consierge button on the side of the phone. You get one year free and at the push of a button you are connected with a lifestyle manager who can book travel reservations and exclusive shit.
47:56 – The U.S. has spent 9 years and billions of dollars hunting down Osama bin Laden. The War in Afghanistan is now officially the longest war in U.S. history, surpassing Vietnam. 52-year-old Gary Brooks Faulkner, a former construction worker from Denver, went on a solo mission to find Osama bin Laden. Pakistan authorities arrested him on the northern border heading into Afghanistan. He was living off the land deep in the forest. When police found him he had a pistol, a 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles, Christian literature and a small amount of hashish. His brother held a press conference this week to discuss Gary’s situation: “He’s not crazy. He’s as sane as you or I. After Osama mocked the U.S. on 9-11 it became his passion, his mission to track down Osama and kill him or bring him back to the U.S. alive. It has been his sole focus for almost 10 years. Most people live their lives without a dream.” Faulkner’s kidneys had recently failed him and he started dialysis, like Osama. This was his sixth trip to find him. “He wanted to go one last time to check a certain cave. He had a pretty good idea where he might be hiding.” Faulkner is divorced with an adult son. He has been arrested 10 times in the U.S. for everything from burglary to domestic battery. Before he left he said, “God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him.” Seth wishes they would’ve known he was going over there, and shipped him a soft cotton UYD tee so he could be wearing it when he caught that bastard.
50:56 – In the biggest change to the company’s appearance code since the year 2000 when the Disney company allowed its male employees to wear mustaches, women who now work at Disney theme parks no longer have to wear pantyhose. Women will also be permitted to wear sleeveless tops, but only if the shoulder straps are 3 inches wide.
52:10 – Nearly a dozen separate California law enforcement agencies arrested several members of the graffiti tagging crew OCP (Out Causing Panic). Thirty-one of their estimated 200 members were taken into custody. They have been linked to at least 700 incidents of vandalism in the past year.
53:59 – Club 33 is a private club located in the heart of the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland. Officially maintained as a secret feature of the theme park, the entrance of the club is located next to the Blue Bayou restaurant on 33 Royal Street, with the entrance recognizable by an ornate address plate, the number 33 engraved on it. When riding Pirates of the Caribbean, just as the ride departs, the Blue Bayou restaurant is visible, but the balconies above it are actually a part of Club 33. Club 33 members and their guests have exclusive access to the club’s restaurant and the premises are not open to the public at large. It is the only location within Disneyland that offers alcoholic beverages. Though Disneyland has a parkwide liquor license, it has set up bars across the park for private events but not normally. Supposedly it was where Walt had all his creepy sex parties.
55:58 – There’s a 22-year-old man in Houston, Texas facing the death sentence. He’s in a court case right now. His attorneys are trying to submit into the case and show the jury that when he was 2 years old, he was featured on the show COPS in 1990 as a confused toddler watching HPD try to settle a violent domestic dispute between his grandparents. The judge and attorneys watched the segement from the TV show to decide if they could put this into evidence. The video shows HPD responding to a home where a domestic dispute involving a gun had been reported. When police arrive the video shows this 2-year-old kid standing outside with his grandmother, who told officers she had been struck in the head and threatened at gunpoint by her husband. HPD then arrested the toddler’s grandfather while the TV cameras filmed it.
2:12 – Jonathan wishes Seth a Merry Christmas. The Christmas Creep has begun. Hobby Lobby began selling Christmas wreaths the day before Father’s Day. They were offering them at 40% off. Christmas trees are currently being stored in a warehouse and will go on sale next month.
8:27 – There was a movie that played at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival in April. It was in the World Documentary competition. Behind drugs, people and weapons, falcon smuggling has become the world’s most mysterious and profitable illegal trade. To the wealthy elite throughout the Persian Gulf, falcon hunting is a passion beyond compare. The coveted birds regularly command prices up to $1 million, earning them the nickname Feathered Cocaine.
19:02 – LA County sheriff’s deputies received a tip about a home in La Puente. They dispatched arson and explosives investigators to the scene, where they found a home that was filled with nothing but fireworks. Deputies set up a surveillance operation. They arrested three men in the home. The house had no furniture in it and was stacked floor to ceiling with half a million dollars worth of fireworks in it.
27:20 – Seth read some story about girls working in a nursing home in Minnesota who would tease the old men there by shoving their tits in their faces.
29:08 – NASA scientists are leading a research study underway determining the logistics of a manned mission to Mars. Extensive data from previous space journies suggests that psychological and behavioral issues will be perhaps the greatest issue humans will face when they embark on such travels, moreso than any technical and logistical problems. A six-person crew has entered a small isolation chamber in Moscow. The spacecraft simulator will be sealed shut for 520 days. The mock spaceship will then be studied for that time – 230 days to get to Mars, 30 days on the planet’s surface and then 230 days back to Earth. The participants will be evaluated for mood changes, sleep loss, depression, anxiety, stress, conflict and paranoia.
32:33 – Kim Kardashian dated Reggie Bush and the Saints won the Super Bowl in February. Her sister, Khloe Kardashian, married Lamar Odom and the Lakers won the NBA championship. Now Kim is rumored to be dating Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin. Seth hopes this holds for another six or seven more months so the Cowboys can win Super Bowl XLV, Feb. 6, 2011 at Cowboys Stadium. Seth wonders how Thanksgiving Day will be when the Cowboys host the New Orleans Saints when Kim, Miles and Reggie are at the stadium.
40:44 – Hustler has released the first-look promotional poster for their September release, This Ain’t Avatar: XXX, which will be presented in 3D. Hustler says it is their highest-budget move ever produced. Jah wonders who is playing Neytiri. Seth reveals it’s Teri Hatcher, playing opposite Tom Skeritt as Jake.
48:43 – Starting this fall, Provincetown, Mass. (Episode 026, 54:18) Public Schools will hand out free condoms to all public school kids from high school down to elementary school – first, second, third and fourth grade.
56:17 – California is looking into new license plate technology that would allow for ads to appear on the license plate. They would look exactly like standard license plates when the vehicle is in motion but would switch to a digital ad and other messages when the automobile was stopped for more than 4 seconds at a traffic stop or red light. The plate number would still stay visible at all times in at least in a corner or some sort of transparency thing.
1:04:06 – The California Department of Social Services issues state debit cards for welfare recipients to help feed and clothe their families. The welfare recipients receive the cards to maintain basic lives. State officials have discovered that people are able to use the cards at ATMs in 32 of the 58 tribal casinos in the state and 47 of the 90 state-licensed poker rooms.
1:08:36 – A man who lost his high school class ring 27 years ago while swimming in a quarry found it just where he thought it was all along. Lenny Nason is the owner of the Granite Hill Quarry in Hallowell, Maine. It has been closed for 80 years and filled with water for people to swim in. The owner decided to drain it to start granite miner. Jason Cottle saw a picture in the Kennebec Journal in Augusta, Maine, of the draining and decided to go back and look for his ring. The 45-year-old carpenter found it Thursday on a ledge that would’ve been 35 feet under the waterline – right where he and his friends used to swim. This was his 1983 Gardner Area High School class ring. Not only did he find the ring, he found the diving mask that he lost in 1983 the first time he went looking for the ring when he lost it. His 86-year-old mother Pauline said, “I was tickled to death. He’d been up there for three days looking for it ever since he found out that they were draining it.” Cottle said his mom always thought he had given the ring away to his high school sweetheart when she left for college. She didn’t believe him when he told her he lost it. “She didn’t want me to give it to a girl. She bought it for me and she wanted me to keep it. That’s why I wanted to find it more than anything – to prove to her that I really lost it.”
5:42 – The Phoenix Police Department has set up a division called Police Assistant. It’s a non-sworn in, uniformed, volunteer police position. You get 40 hours of basic training in ethics, uniforms, limited defense tactices, note taking, first aid, parking code enforcement, community relations, crowd control and interpersonal communications. They do not attend the police academy and do not get paid.
8:00 – Jah talks about how Santa Monica has guys riding around on Segways who are community volunteers and tell people the law. They can’t write citations but they tell people “no skateboarding on the promenade” and “no smoking on the brickwork,” etc. They wear terracotta/peach salmon polo shirts and khakis and sun hats. The segways put them in an authoritative position because they’re taller than everyone.
18:49 – Fort Worth based American Airlines is inspecting 56 of its 73 Boeing 767 jets after a routine normal inspection in maintenance found cracks in the pylons that attach the engines to the wings in two of the planes.
19:41 – On July 17, teen retail Abercrombie and Fitch will reinstate their racy quarterly catalog after a seven-year hiatus. You can preorder the catalog for $10 on their website. They originally produced them from 1997-2003 but had to stop after people complained because it’s crazy.
25:53 – The city council of Quincy, Mass. has unanimously approved a resolution to make public a list of the people who view pornography on public library computers. Using public library computers to access porn is against city policy but violators are given two warnings before they are banned.
29:47 – 38-year-old Michael Baumgartner of Madison, Wisc., was arrested inside of the play area of a local McDonald’s. About 20 kids were jumping in the colored plastic balls and sliding down the slides. One parent became suspicious when the man didn’t appear to be with any of the kids. They brought a policeman over to investigate him, and he was on his laptop. He had one hand on the laptop to pull up pornographic images and one hand on his penis masturbating it. He told the policeman he was sorry he was using “bad judgment.”
31:52 – 46-year-old Eamonn Daniel Higgins attended 10 different schools in Southern California from 2002-2009. Dozens of foreign students from the middle east paid him up to $1,500 to sit in their classes, take exams and write papers so their student visas would remain valid. He hired a staff to help him with this and almost 125 different students earned him over half a million dollars during this time. He was found with 60 different California IDs.
38:19 – A VA Hospital in Missouri has sent letters to more than 1,800 veterans who received dental work in the last year and a half. Some dental technicians at the hospitals broke protocol in the washing of dental tools and they may have exposed the 1,800 war veterans to HIV.
40:09 – Nursing homes have a reputation of being a safe nice place where they can just be them. The state of Illinois just conducted an investigation called “Operation Guardian” and they found that in 12 different old folks’ homes they found 61 patients blending in with the residents who had outstanding warrants. This was their way of sneaking out of the system. Offenses ranged from disorderly conduct to sex offenses to attempted murder. These fugitives from the law were living in the facilities undetected. Some of these patients were “extraordinarily young.”
44:52 – In less than three weeks, 8 children have died as a result of being left in or locked in sweltering vehicles. Doctors from pediatric centers suggest parents put a doll in the front seat to remind you of your child.
48:02 – Thomas Mundy is 51 years old and has been in a wheelchair since a 1988 motorcycle accident. He has filed more than 150 lawsuits in the past two years demanding damages from small businesses who violate the incredibly exacting requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. California has some of the strictest policies involving regulations. Him and his attorney rock-n-roll it and go out every day to sue small businesses that will get crazy fines unless they settle out of court for $10,000 here, $12,000 there, etc. They’ve each made more than $300,000. They’ve sued for everything from coat hooks on the backs of restroom doors being too high to paper towel dispensaries in laundromats being out of reach to condiments in fast food restaurants not being at the right height.
51:11 – Two blocks away from the Ed Hardy store on Melrose, there is a new store Seth drove across called Ana. M Lifestyle – Be a part of it. It’s 2 dudes from the south of Frnace who helped develop the Ed Hardy energy drink, Ed Hardy air freshener and Ed Hardy lighter. They’ve started their own line of clothing with two motifs – the skull or the clown. It’s crazy colors – turquoise, orange with lightning bolts and a jester hat – and you put a padlock necklace on it or something.
57:25 – Pampers diapers has had a really rough summer. It kicked off with the success of their Huggies Jeans, but then they had to deal with consumer complaints that their Dry Max Tech was causing severe rashes on the fastest kids in the world. They’re hoping to rebound in the coming weeks when they unveil their new line of diapers designed by popular designer Cynthia Rowley. The fashionable diapers will cost about $6 more and will come in pastels, stripes, madras and ruffles. They are available at Target.
9:32 – Alamo, Avis, Budget, Dollar, Enterprise, Hertz and Thrifty – all rental car companies. There was an ABC News investigative report that says that these companies routinely rent out vehicles that have been recalled by the manufacturer. The carmaker will send the notice to the rental office because the paperwork will show they purchased the vehicle for their fleet. There are too many cars to pull so they continue to rent them out because it’s too crazy. Seth says the story comes from a tragic story where a family had two daughters who were killed in a car wreck because things explode in the car and fill it up with black smoke and they drove it off the road. In the deposition, the manager of the store wearing a suit from Men’s Wearhouse just sits there like a douchebag with no answers.
21:05 – American theoretical physicist Michio Kaku, a specialist in string theory and futurist author, most recently of the book “Physics of the Impossible: A Scientific Exploration Into the World of Phasers, Forcefields, Teleportation and Time Travel,” was on The Colbert Report last week and told us that within two decades we will have fully operational invisibility cloaks.
24:18 – Ten years ago, the brand-new Chrysler PT Cruiser was the hottest car out of Detroit. So many were sold that people were put on waiting lists for them. But with just over 5,000 sold this year, the last one will be built in the next few days. Jah goes on record to say that if he were a rich man, he would buy the very last PT Cruiser ever made. Seth thinks Kid Rock had the very first one; Jah thinks his old housekeeper had the first one.
26:44 – Seth tells Jah he is holding an official court document in his hand from April 14, 1997 from Los Angeles Superior Court. It’s a case between Pietra Dawn Thornton, the plaintiff, and Billy Bob Thornton, the defendant. It’s a 25-page restraining order that Pietra took against Billy Bob. Approximately Dec. 1992, respondent went to a psychiatrist in West Hollywood, who diagnosed him as a manic depressive and prescribed lithium for him, which he was taking on a daily basis. Based on his promise to stay on the meds and continue treatment, Pietra moved back in with him. They agreed that if respondent “felt an episode coming,” he would leave their apartment in the Palisades and stay in their West Hollywood apartment until he was under control. They were married in February 1993. Approximately two months after they were married, Billy Bob told her he couldn’t take lithium anymore because it blocked his creativity and made him feel “like a piece of driftwood.” He promised if he ever lost control he would seek help. It’s then 15 pages of him going apeshit-wild on her. There was one particular incident when they spent the Christmas holidays in 1994 with his mother in native Arkansas: “In front of his mother and our children, respondent shoved me. He then left the room. His mother said, ‘What did you do to make him do that?’”
36:41 – 57-year-old Dane Eisenman of Connecticut responded to a classified advertisement for a high-powered rifle for sale. While filling out the paperwork he mentioned to the seller that he would be using the weapon to kill aliens. The seller was unsure if he meant space aliens or illegal aliens. Eisemnan said that every 36,000 years, aliens who live underneath the sun come to earth to kill humans and that he needed to be prepared because they’re going to be coming soon. The seller called local police, who arrested Eisenman because he is a convicted felon and legally cannot own a firearm.
37:54 – Jean-Paul Gaultier, a designer, had a show at French Fashion Week that was eye-popping. Invites to the show were printed on pairs of disposable 3D glasses, which the attendants of the show then put on their faces to see his new line of billowy silk ponchos covered in crescent moons, falling stars and orbiting planets, all jumping off the shirt in 3D patterns.
40:35 – Universal Studios has a new attraction called King Kong 3-D. Jah doesn’t want to hear about it: “Now I can cry in 3-D and still be mad.” (Episode 118, 17:04). It’s a 45-minute tram tour but this is only 3 minutes of the 45-minute tour. The cheapest tour is $59 and parking is $15. If you go to Universal, they also have these amazing attractions that are open to the public: The Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride, Jurassic Park: The Ride, Terminator 2: 3-D, The Simpsons Ride, Shrek 4-D, Universal Animal Acts, Waterworld, The Blues Brothers, Adventures of Curious George. Jah says it would be so cruel to deprive your children of the things you used to do as a child (like Universal Studios), but he doesn’t think as a man that he could bring himself to do it.
45:57 – 31-year-old 4-foot-11-inch Patricia Dye was arrested in Ohio posing as a 14-year-old boy named Matt Abrams in order to have sexual relations with a local 16-year-old girl. The two had spent three days in a hotel room together before the 16-year-old girl discovered that Abrams was an adult woman.
48:46 – The United States Post Office, which is $27 trillion in debt, wants to raise postal rates in January of 2011. The price of stamps for first-class mail will go from 44 cents to 46 cents and postcards will go from 28 cents to 30 cents (Episode 012, 51:41, Episode 013, 41:56; Episode 057, 56:29 and Episode 157, 8:06).
54:49 – Almost 13 years after it was passed, a municipal ordinance can be enforced that bans the International Society for Krishna Consciousness from panhandling at the Los Angeles International Airport.
58:33 – Archie Comics is getting its first gay character. The long-running comic said that an issue coming out in September will introduce its first openly gay character, Kevin Keller, to the student body at Riverdale High School. (Seth includes a side note to say that Riverdale is based on the high school Seth went to, Haverhill High School in Haverhill, Mass. Bob Montana, the creator of Archie Comics, was a Haverhill grad.) The strapping blonde will defeat Jughead in a burger-eating contest, win the affection of Veronica and wrestle over how to gently rebuff her flirtations. The title of the episode will be called “Isn’t It Bromantic?” Kevin just wants to chill with Jughead. They introduced Kevin to keep Archie Comics current and inclusive.
2:45 – The National Retail Federation said that the average U.S. family with students in kindgarten through high school will spend $606.40 on clothes, shoes and school supplies – a 10.5% increase from the $548.72 of 2009.
10:49 – Next month will bring the follow-up to Rhonda Burns’ epic work, The Secret (Episode 052, 0:17). Atria Books announced the first printing of 2 million copies of The Power: a guide to how “everyone is meant to have an amazing life.”
14:13 – Jah asks out loud if the oil leak is done. Seth thinks they capped it by putting the Fushigis in there like he told them (Episode 222, 17:25).
23:45 – Football training camp starts in August. The Baltimore Ravens say they will only allow 6- to 15-year-olds to get autographs from the players. Seth hopes he’s still allowed to be allowed Oxnard to smile and wave to his favorite Cowboys players.
28:02 – Shout Factory is responsible for taking old TV shows and putting them out on DVD. They’ve done American Gladiators, California Dreams, Mr. Belvedere, Designing Women, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, etc. On Aug. 10 they’re going to release the complete series of Max Headroom. Jah thinks it was the best.
29:51 – Toyota has a Facebook page. They want to know about people’s ‘Camry Tree:’ “Drive one, pass it down, buy another. Every owner has a story, or two, or 52. Tell us about your story.”
31:46 – The MLB All-Star Game, played last week, was the lowest-rated All-Star game ever. During the festivities in Anaheim they had the Home Run Derby, won by Boston Red Sox player David Ortiz. He was wearing Power Balance bracelets (Episode 191, 40:37) over both wristbands on both wrists.
35:56 – A Charlotte, N.C., company, ScentAir Technology, created an outdoor billboard for a local grocery chain named Bloom. They designed it to smell like grilled meat. The billboard is a tall fork with meat on the end of the fork, and high-powered fans on top of the sign emit a chemically-created odor of barbecued beef that can be smelled by cars driving by. A spokesman said, “Scents break through the mundane and overused marketing gimmicks to reach customers emotionally.” ScentAir has over 1,000 scents in their scent library – everything from sun in sand to clean cotton to fresh-brewed coffee, dinosaur breath and burning rubber.
43:00 – The ACLU is demanding that the St. Tammany Parish Jail in Louisiana stop forcing prisoners to wear tiny orange daisy dukes that say “HOT STUFF” on the ass.
44:14 – The YMCA stands for the Young Men’s Christian Association, but the Village People won’t be changing their hit song “The YMCA” just because the YMCA is changing their name and logo officially to “The Y.” Victor Willis is the lead singer of the group The Village People. He released a statement saying the switch won’t affect the song or the dance people use to spell it out.
50:57 – There’s a Pentagon questionnaire that’s been sent out to 400,000 troops. This is one of the questions: If “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed and you are assigned to share bathroom facilities with an open base shower with someone you believe to be a gay or lesbian service member, which are you most likely to do? A) Take no action, B) Use the shower at a different time than the service member I thought to be gay or lesbian, C) Discuss how we expect each other to behave ourselves and conduct ourselves, D) Talk to a chaplain, mentor or leader about how to handle the situation, E) Talk to a leader to see if I had other options, F) Something else, G) Don’t know
58:51 – The U.S. Secret Service removed $182,000,000 worth of counterfeit cash in 2009 – the most by far ever. The $20 bill is the most commonly counterfeited bill but the problem is that $1s and $5s are being counterfeited and those are never being checked.
8:48 – Two years ago, the 99 Cent Store raised the top price of its goods to 99.99 cents. They thought it was a clever marketing play that would increase sales and play up the chain’s love of the number 99. Some customers say they were not aware of this nearly 1-cent increase and felt duped into believing that they were paying only 99 cents. Because U.S. currency makes it impossible to pay 99.99 cents for everything, shoppers are essentially paying $1 plus tax at the register. The company is now facing two large class-action lawsuits for deceptive business practices targeting low-income earners and senior citizens.
13:39 – UC-Irvine will promote their new full-fledged academic program, available in fall of 2010 – Game Science. The new major will allow students access to the state-of-the-art center for computer games and virtual worlds. The curriculum will immerse the participants in a 100-percent full-throttle gaming environment.
16:05 – There’s a film coming out in October called The Stone. A convicted arsonist, played by Edward Norton, tries to manipulate his way out of prison by having his wife, played by Milla Jovovich, seduce his parole officer, played by Robert Deniro. Seth saw a still from this movie with Edward Norton as a convict wearing full cornrows.
18:55 – The Juggalos are having their 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos (Episode 177, 47:56) Aug. 12-15 at Cave Inn Rock, Ill. It’s $150 a ticket. You will get musical performances by Naughty by Nature, Warren G, Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Rob Bass and Slick Rick. Comedy will be by Tom Green, Ron Jeremy and Gallagher. “The greatest time you motherfucker will ever have. I put that on my nuts, bitch!” Also screening their film, Big Money Rustlers and also Big Money Hustlers – western movies that the Insane Clown Posse has made that feature western garb except for their makeup. Rules for the Gathering of the Juggalos are 1) No paint – other than the kind that goes on your face, 2) No nitris tanks, 3) No underwear that fails to cover your crack.
23:02 – An article in Sports Illustrated profiled the Iroquois indians and how they invented the sport of lacrosse. Baby boys are given a lacrosse stick in their cribs and men take their sticks with them when they are buried. The sticks are handmade by master craftsmen and it can take up to two years to make them. The 2010 Lacrosse World Championships are happening right now in Manchester, England. They’re held every four years and there are 30 countries competing. The 23 members of the Iroquois Nationals – their logo is an N circled with 7, meaning 7 generations – had to forfeit their games because the British government refused to let them travel to Manchester, not recognizing their Iroquois national passports.
26:43 – According to Newsweek, the number of reality TV shows in 2000 was four. In 2010, the number is 320. Time spent online was 2.7 hours per week, now it’s up to 18 hours per week. In 2000 there were 100,000,000 Google searches per day, now there are 2 billion. In 2000 there were 400,000 text messages sent in the entire year, and in 2010 it was 4.5 billion.